theshovel--2020-09-02--Fears changes to news-sharing policy may turn Facebook into some sort of awful hellhole of fake news

Fears changes to news-sharing policy may turn Facebook into some sort of awful hellhole of fake news and conspiracy theories

With Facebook threatening to ban users from posting news on its site , there are concerns the social media platform may quickly descend into a ghastly hub of fake news , conspiracy theories , bullying and extremist rhetoric .
Experts cautioned against the change , saying Facebook could morph into a bin fire of unverified content before our eyes .
“ The last thing we want is for Facebook to become a platform for extremist theories or crazy ideas , ” media expert Johnathan Reece said .
“ If we ’ re not careful , this could become a place @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , discourage parents from vaccinating their children , or to spread ridiculous theories about mobile phone towers .
Is that what we want ?
“ Today Facebook is a space where people share wholesome stories about their lives and factually accurate articles about what ’ s going on in the world .
But if we ’ re not careful , it could quickly become a place where people spread insane ideas like how Hillary Clinton is secretly operating a paedophile ring in the basement of a Washington DC pizza shop ” .
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With Facebook threatening to ban users from posting news on its site, there are concerns the social media platform may quickly descend into a ghastly hub of fake news, conspiracy theories, bullying and extremist rhetoric.
Experts cautioned against the change, saying Facebook could morph into a bin fire of unverified content before our eyes.
“The last thing we want is for Facebook to become a platform for extremist theories or crazy ideas,” media expert Johnathan Reece said.
“If we’re not careful, this could become a place where people go to organise Nazi rallies, discourage parents from vaccinating their children, or to spread ridiculous theories about mobile phone towers. Is that what we want?
“Today Facebook is a space where people share wholesome stories about their lives and factually accurate articles about what’s going on in the world. But if we’re not careful, it could quickly become a place where people spread insane ideas like how Hillary Clinton is secretly operating a paedophile ring in the basement of a Washington DC pizza shop”.


theshovel--2020-09-02--‘We told you Labor would wreck the economy’, Frydenberg says, announcing Australia officially in rec

‘We told you Labor would wreck the economy’, Frydenberg says, announcing Australia officially in recession

Saying they had warned Australians all along that this would happen if a Labor Government was voted in , Josh Frydenberg and Scott Morrison have confirmed that Australia has gone into a recession for the first time in 30 years .
“ Again and again we ’ ve told you that the Coalition are superior economic managers and – surprise surprise – this is what has happened , ” Mr Frydenberg said , pointing to a chart that showed Australia ’ s GDP had dropped by 7 % .
“ We told you that Labor would wreck the economy .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Labor was a vote for negative growth , debt and unemployment – and look where we are now ” .
The Prime Minister echoed Mr Frydenberg ’ s sentiments .
“ We warned you , but you didn ’ t listen , ” he said , taking a sip from his ‘ Back in Black ’ Liberal Party mug .
“ Don ’ t blame us that we ’ re in the worst recession in nearly a century .
This is a debt and deficit disaster ” .
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Saying they had warned Australians all along that this would happen if a Labor Government was voted in, Josh Frydenberg and Scott Morrison have confirmed that Australia has gone into a recession for the first time in 30 years.
“Again and again we’ve told you that the Coalition are superior economic managers and – surprise surprise – this is what has happened,” Mr Frydenberg said, pointing to a chart that showed Australia’s GDP had dropped by 7%.
“We told you that Labor would wreck the economy. We told you that a vote for Labor was a vote for negative growth, debt and unemployment – and look where we are now”.
The Prime Minister echoed Mr Frydenberg’s sentiments. “We warned you, but you didn’t listen,” he said, taking a sip from his ‘Back in Black’ Liberal Party mug. “Don’t blame us that we’re in the worst recession in nearly a century. This is a debt and deficit disaster”.


theshovel--2020-09-03--JUST IN: The COVIDSafe App has identified there was an outbreak at Melbourne’s Rydges Hotel in May

The Government ’ s high-tech contact tracing app COVID-Safe has alerted officials to a potential outbreak at a quarantine hotel @ @ @ @ @ .
Officials say the early identification will help stop the further spread of the virus @ @ @ @ @ This is what the app was designed for .
Who knows what would ’ ve @ @ @ @ @ t been alerted to this so early , ” a spokesperson said .
“ Thanks @ @ @ @ @ can now get in touch with all of the people who came into contact with @ @ @ @ @ at the hotel four months ago , and nip this thing in the bud , @ @ @ @ @ He said early results showed that most contacts tested this week were showing up negative @ @ @ @ @ Shovel .
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The Government’s high-tech contact tracing app COVID-Safe has alerted officials to a potential outbreak at a quarantine hotel in Melbourne four months ago.
Officials say the early identification will help stop the further spread of the virus throughout the community.
“This is what the app was designed for. Who knows what would’ve happened if we hadn’t been alerted to this so early,” a spokesperson said.
“Thanks to the app, we can now get in touch with all of the people who came into contact with security guards and other staff at the hotel four months ago, and nip this thing in the bud,” a spokesperson said.
He said early results showed that most contacts tested this week were showing up negative for COVID-19.


theshovel--2020-09-04--Bec Judd is mad because the 5km rule means she can’t walk from one end of her house to the other

Influencer Rebecca Judd has blasted ‘ Dictator Dan ’ because the 5km radius rule in Melbourne ’ s stage 4 lockdown means she can ’ t get from the lounge room to the second kitchen in her $ 7.3 million Brighton Home .
In an Instagram post today Judd said it was ‘ inhumane ’ to be confined to your own property with only one swimming pool and tennis court to amuse yourself , especially when the restrictions meant you couldn ’ t walk from one end of the house to the other .
“ I left a new dress @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 4 began , and now I ’ m stuck here at the front of the house and I can ’ t go and get it without breaking the law .
What am I going to wear ?
” she wrote .
She said life was getting relentless under lockdown .
“ I ’ ve walked all of the hallways in my Brighton home .
Well most of them .
There are a few I ’ m yet to discover , ” she lamented .
“ It ’ s monotonous – the same three @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in day out .
It ’ s horryfing only having 14 living spaces ” .
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Influencer Rebecca Judd has blasted ‘Dictator Dan’ because the 5km radius rule in Melbourne’s stage 4 lockdown means she can’t get from the lounge room to the second kitchen in her $7.3 million Brighton Home.
In an Instagram post today Judd said it was ‘inhumane’ to be confined to your own property with only one swimming pool and tennis court to amuse yourself, especially when the restrictions meant you couldn’t walk from one end of the house to the other.
“I left a new dress in the spare lounge room before stage 4 began, and now I’m stuck here at the front of the house and I can’t go and get it without breaking the law. What am I going to wear?” she wrote.
She said life was getting relentless under lockdown. “I’ve walked all of the hallways in my Brighton home. Well most of them. There are a few I’m yet to discover,” she lamented.
“It’s monotonous – the same three home cinemas to cycle through, day in day out. It’s horryfing only having 14 living spaces”.


theshovel--2020-09-05--1,000 New Cases Of Fuckwit Confirmed In Melbourne

The number of new cases of Fuckwit in Melbourne has hit four figures , with several similar outbreaks reported across the country .
A cluster of confirmed cases of Fuckwit – also known as ‘ Dumbfuck ’ or ‘ Selfish Wanker ’ – was first spotted at the Shrine of Remembrance and has since spread throughout the CBD .
Experts are divided on whether they are in fact new cases , with some arguing these people have been Fuckwits all along .
“ This is just a case of the data catching up with the reality , ” one expert @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like other infections .
“ Unlike other viruses , which spread from human to human contact , Fuckwit is , by nature , a virus which occurs only when you think entirely of yourself and no-one else , ” one epidemiologist said .
“ It ’ s very much centred on the individual ” .
She said those suffering from Fuckwit had a range of strange beliefs .
“ They are having a whinge about getting vaccinated , which is ironic because you ’ d think they ’ d be used to being @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Shovel .
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The number of new cases of Fuckwit in Melbourne has hit four figures, with several similar outbreaks reported across the country.
Experts are divided on whether they are in fact new cases, with some arguing these people have been Fuckwits all along. “This is just a case of the data catching up with the reality,” one expert said.
Epidemiologists say Fuckwit is not like other infections. “Unlike other viruses, which spread from human to human contact, Fuckwit is, by nature, a virus which occurs only when you think entirely of yourself and no-one else,” one epidemiologist said. “It’s very much centred on the individual”.
She said those suffering from Fuckwit had a range of strange beliefs. “They are having a whinge about getting vaccinated, which is ironic because you’d think they’d be used to being around massive pricks”.


theshovel--2020-09-05--Andrews Bows To Overwhelming Weight Of Evidence From Protesters And Cancels Lockdown

Victorian Premier Dan Andrews says he can no longer ignore the sheer volume and veracity of research that has been compiled by the state ’ s conspiracy theorists , and has consequently decided to end all lockdown restrictions immediately .
Saying that Victoria would skip stages 3 , 2 and 1 and open up entirely , Mr Andrews said he now accepted that the ‘ dandemic ’ had never actually existed .
“ Watching the protests unfold yesterday , and witnessing the amount of thought-through evidence put forward was quite moving , ” Mr Andrews said .
“ The rigour @ @ @ @ @ @ @ which it was presented was just so convincing .
These theories have been peer-reviewed many , many times at respected journals like 4-chan , so who am I to ignore them ?
I knew I had to reassess everything , ” he said .
A spokesperson for the government also noted the significance of the Shrine of Remembrance as a protest location .
“ There is a very important parallel between protesters defending their rights under article 19 of the UN charter to be a bunch of circle-jerking tin-foil hat wearing idiots , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Australia ’ s wars to protect our country ’ s freedoms .
It certainly caught our attention ” .
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Victorian Premier Dan Andrews says he can no longer ignore the sheer volume and veracity of research that has been compiled by the state’s conspiracy theorists, and has consequently decided to end all lockdown restrictions immediately.
Saying that Victoria would skip stages 3, 2 and 1 and open up entirely, Mr Andrews said he now accepted that the ‘dandemic’ had never actually existed.
“Watching the protests unfold yesterday, and witnessing the amount of thought-through evidence put forward was quite moving,” Mr Andrews said. “The rigour of the thinking and the eloquence with which it was presented was just so convincing. These theories have been peer-reviewed many, many times at respected journals like 4-chan, so who am I to ignore them? I knew I had to reassess everything,” he said.
A spokesperson for the government also noted the significance of the Shrine of Remembrance as a protest location. “There is a very important parallel between protesters defending their rights under article 19 of the UN charter to be a bunch of circle-jerking tin-foil hat wearing idiots, and the sacrifices made by soldiers in Australia’s wars to protect our country’s freedoms. It certainly caught our attention”.
__________________
Carl Perera


theshovel--2020-09-07--EXCLUSIVE: Despite the hyped announcement and subsequent promises, the Morrison family cubby house i

EXCLUSIVE: Despite the hyped announcement and subsequent promises, the Morrison family cubby house is yet to be built, inside sources say

Sources within the Morrison family say they are yet to see the cubby house that was promised with much fanfare over the dinner table several weeks ago .
Despite an official announcement which all family members were obliged to attend , those familiar with the matter say not a single nail has been hammered in .
“ It ’ s still just a pile of stuff in the shed – textbook Dad , ” one source said .
Another source said the images which appeared in the media were just for show .
“ That ’ s not our cubby @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s that one of Dad ’ s staffers borrowed for the media conference , ” she said .
Mr Morrison ’ s office initially said that the construction of cubby houses was a state responsibility .
They later amended their statement , saying the Morrison ’ s were waiting on a $ 25,000 HomeBuilder grant to hit the bank account before work could begin .
A spokesperson reminded The Shovel that Mr Morrison does not hold a nail gun .
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Sources within the Morrison family say they are yet to see the cubby house that was promised with much fanfare over the dinner table several weeks ago.
Despite an official announcement which all family members were obliged to attend, those familiar with the matter say not a single nail has been hammered in. “It’s still just a pile of stuff in the shed – textbook Dad,” one source said.
Another source said the images which appeared in the media were just for show. “That’s not our cubby house – that’s someone else’s that one of Dad’s staffers borrowed for the media conference,” she said.
Mr Morrison’s office initially said that the construction of cubby houses was a state responsibility. They later amended their statement, saying the Morrison’s were waiting on a $25,000 HomeBuilder grant to hit the bank account before work could begin.
A spokesperson reminded The Shovel that Mr Morrison does not hold a nail gun.


theshovel--2020-09-10--Sydney family wishing to see ill father in Queensland, finally granted permission after becoming AFL

Sydney family wishing to see ill father in Queensland, finally granted permission after becoming AFL footballers

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk says she will allow a Sydney family to enter the state in order to see their critically ill father , after learning the family had become professional footballers .
The family took the unusual step of becoming professional athletes , after it became clear there was no other way to enter the state .
“ We did consider becoming Tom Hanks and shooting a movie on the Gold Coast , but in the end we decided it would be easier to get on the list of an AFL club , ” family member Emily Bryson said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ve just become an AFL administrator , rather than going through all of the training to become a player , but that ’ s in the past now ” .
Premier Palaszczuk said she made no apologies for Queensland ’ s border restrictions .
“ I want to be very clear : we are doing this to keep all Queenslanders safe and to win an election .
So unless your work is absolutely vital – like playing four quarters of footy or making a movie about Elvis Presley – you aren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Or follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk says she will allow a Sydney family to enter the state in order to see their critically ill father, after learning the family had become professional footballers.
The family took the unusual step of becoming professional athletes, after it became clear there was no other way to enter the state.
“We did consider becoming Tom Hanks and shooting a movie on the Gold Coast, but in the end we decided it would be easier to get on the list of an AFL club,” family member Emily Bryson said.
“In hindsight we should’ve just become an AFL administrator, rather than going through all of the training to become a player, but that’s in the past now”.
Premier Palaszczuk said she made no apologies for Queensland’s border restrictions. “I want to be very clear: we are doing this to keep all Queenslanders safe and to win an election. So unless your work is absolutely vital – like playing four quarters of footy or making a movie about Elvis Presley – you aren’t welcome”.


theshovel--2020-09-11--Morrison pressures Queensland to adopt a more humane border policy that requires people to isolate o

Morrison pressures Queensland to adopt a more humane border policy that requires people to isolate on Manus Island for 7 years first

An emotional Scott Morrison has put forward a compromise solution for Queensland ’ s border closure , saying a requirement for those wishing to enter the state to isolate for 7 years on a remote island would be a more Australian , humane response .
“ This is the sort of compassion Australians expect , ” Mr Morrison , close to tears , told radio listeners .
“ The idea that families have been separated without first being placed in a cramped detention centre for the best part of a decade is hard to fathom .
It ’ s not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we risked losing our unique way of dealing with people from other places .
“ When someone comes to our border we don ’ t just say ‘ no ’ .
We lock them up .
That ’ s how we do things in Australia .
Full credit to Queensland and Western Australia and South Australia for finding new and peculiar ways to create fear of outsiders .
But I think we can go much , much further ” .
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An emotional Scott Morrison has put forward a compromise solution for Queensland’s border closure, saying a requirement for those wishing to enter the state to isolate for 7 years on a remote island would be a more Australian, humane response.
“This is the sort of compassion Australians expect,” Mr Morrison, close to tears, told radio listeners.
“The idea that families have been separated without first being placed in a cramped detention centre for the best part of a decade is hard to fathom. It’s not the Australian way”.
He said we risked losing our unique way of dealing with people from other places. “When someone comes to our border we don’t just say ‘no’. We lock them up. That’s how we do things in Australia. Full credit to Queensland and Western Australia and South Australia for finding new and peculiar ways to create fear of outsiders. But I think we can go much, much further”.


theshovel--2020-09-14--Victoria Doubles Contact Tracing Capacity With Purchase Of Second Fax Machine

Victoria has doubled its contact tracing capacity overnight with the purchase of a new Brother 8360p LazerFax .
A spokesperson for the Victorian government said the decision to make the purchase came after a $ 32 million review by consulting firm KPMG .
“ What this review revealed was that our contact tracing needed to improve .
A second $ 48 million review confirmed that , ” the spokesperson said .
“ We haven ’ t scrimped on investing funds to get this right – these new faxes don ’ t even have the paper that curls up .
It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ most advanced contact tracing operations of the late 1990s ” .
The new fax will allow twice as many cases to be processed , provided no-one is using the landline phone at the same time .
“ It ’ s now a very streamlined operation , ” the spokesperson said .
“ We receive a fax alerting us of a positive case , we unplug the fax , plug in the landline , call the patient ’ s GP to let them know , plug the fax back in , wait for a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ unplug the phone , plug back in the landline and then call the patient in question .
It ’ s that simple .
And then we repeat the process for the patient ’ s contacts .
Imagine doing all of that with just one fax ” .
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Victoria has doubled its contact tracing capacity overnight with the purchase of a new Brother 8360p LazerFax.
A spokesperson for the Victorian government said the decision to make the purchase came after a $32 million review by consulting firm KPMG. “What this review revealed was that our contact tracing needed to improve. A second $48 million review confirmed that,” the spokesperson said.
“We haven’t scrimped on investing funds to get this right – these new faxes don’t even have the paper that curls up. It means we now have one of the most advanced contact tracing operations of the late 1990s”.
The new fax will allow twice as many cases to be processed, provided no-one is using the landline phone at the same time.
“It’s now a very streamlined operation,” the spokesperson said. “We receive a fax alerting us of a positive case, we unplug the fax, plug in the landline, call the patient’s GP to let them know, plug the fax back in, wait for a confirmation fax back from the GP, unplug the fax, plug back in the landline and then call the patient in question. It’s that simple. And then we repeat the process for the patient’s contacts. Imagine doing all of that with just one fax”.


theshovel--2020-09-17--Daniel Andrews Refuses To Scrap 9pm Curfew But Agrees To Let Melburnians Read In Bed Until 9:30

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has resisted calls to scrap Melbourne ’ s 9pm curfew , but has offered a compromise that would allow Melburnians to read quietly in bed for half an hour .
Mr Andrews used his daily press briefing to announce the new privilege , saying it was on the proviso that it wasn ’ t taken advantage of .
“ This is not an invitation to stay up all night ; it ’ s not about being on your phone watching movies .
It ’ s about reading a book .
Then that ’ s it ; @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he said .
The Premier said he would be keeping a close eye on the time .
“ I am willing to let you stay up a little bit later , but this is very much a trial .
It ’ s not 9:35 , it ’ s not 9:32 .
It ’ s 9:30 .
If you ’ re still up after that then we ’ ll very quickly go back to a 9pm lights out ” .
Despite persistent and dogged questioning for days , Mr Andrews has not budged on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , he said he wasn ’ t going to go into the reasons why because you know why and we ’ ve been through it plenty of times before .
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Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has resisted calls to scrap Melbourne’s 9pm curfew, but has offered a compromise that would allow Melburnians to read quietly in bed for half an hour.
Mr Andrews used his daily press briefing to announce the new privilege, saying it was on the proviso that it wasn’t taken advantage of.
“This is not an invitation to stay up all night; it’s not about being on your phone watching movies. It’s about reading a book. Then that’s it; it’s lights out,” he said.
The Premier said he would be keeping a close eye on the time. “I am willing to let you stay up a little bit later, but this is very much a trial. It’s not 9:35, it’s not 9:32. It’s 9:30. If you’re still up after that then we’ll very quickly go back to a 9pm lights out”.
Despite persistent and dogged questioning for days, Mr Andrews has not budged on the strict curfew. When asked why, he said he wasn’t going to go into the reasons why because you know why and we’ve been through it plenty of times before.


theshovel--2020-09-18--University of NSW renamed ‘Gas Exploration Australia’ –  will now receive government wage subsidies

The University of New South Wales has changed its name to ‘ Gas Exploration Australia ’ , giving it access @ @ @ @ @ are otherwise unavailable to the university sector .
The decision to change the name was @ @ @ @ @ , which found that “ the government throws money at anything with the word ‘ @ @ @ @ @ ’ in the title ” .
“ We don ’ t intend to actually produce @ @ @ @ @ ” a spokesperson for the university said .
Following the name change , the Government @ @ @ @ @ will use taxpayer dollars to build an additional campus for Gas Exploration Australia , even @ @ @ @ @ for one .
Meanwhile Macquarie University has confirmed it will now be known as ‘ @ @ @ @ @ order to access funding and get around any restrictions .
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The University of New South Wales has changed its name to ‘Gas Exploration Australia’, giving it access to lucrative JobKeeper subsidies which are otherwise unavailable to the university sector.
The decision to change the name was made after an official review, which found that “the government throws money at anything with the word ‘gas’ or ‘coal’ in the title”.
“We don’t intend to actually produce or sell any gas,” a spokesperson for the university said.
Following the name change, the Government has also announced that it will use taxpayer dollars to build an additional campus for Gas Exploration Australia, even though there is no need for one.
Meanwhile Macquarie University has confirmed it will now be known as ‘Star Casino’, in order to access funding and get around any restrictions.


theshovel--2020-09-19--Barron Trump Confirmed As Next Supreme Court Justice

A 16 year-old boy described by some as an ‘ academic genius – believe me , he has a tremendous @ @ @ @ @ been confirmed as the next Supreme Court Justice , following the death of Ruth Bader @ @ @ @ @ after an extensive search which lasted many , many minutes and spanned the entire President @ @ @ @ @ He is the perfect choice .
Very successful .
Great guy by the way , @ @ @ @ @ Republicans say Barron Trump is ‘ uniquely qualified for the role ’ .
“ What @ @ @ @ @ he makes up for in his surname , ” one Republican Senator said .
US @ @ @ @ @ had met the new justice many times before and had even spent time with him @ @ @ @ @ which some sources say is probably untrue .
More to come .
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A 16 year-old boy described by some as an ‘academic genius – believe me, he has a tremendous legal mind’, has been confirmed as the next Supreme Court Justice, following the death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
The confirmation comes after an extensive search which lasted many, many minutes and spanned the entire President’s family.
“He is the perfect choice. Very successful. Great guy by the way,” a spokesperson said.
Republicans say Barron Trump is ‘uniquely qualified for the role’. “What he lacks in legal experience he makes up for in his surname,” one Republican Senator said.
US President Donald Trump said he had met the new justice many times before and had even spent time with him this year – a claim which some sources say is probably untrue.
More to come.


theshovel--2020-09-22--“If COVID-19 had been called ‘A-Vacancy-On-The-Supreme-Court’ US Republicans would’ve sorted it out

“If COVID-19 had been called ‘A-Vacancy-On-The-Supreme-Court’ US Republicans would’ve sorted it out within a week”

US Republicans would have had the pandemic taken care of by early March if it had been named ‘ A-Vacancy-On-The-Supreme-Court ’ rather than COVID-19 , party insiders say .
“ We would ’ ve had a list of a dozen potential solutions on the table within 24 hours , and then been ready to roll out the preferred option 24 hours after that ” a senior Republican strategist said .
“ The WHO really missed a trick when they named it COVID-19 .
Nobody in this party is interested in some pandemic that might kill a quarter of a million @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to stack the supreme court so they can overturn abortion law and legalise automatic weapons and you ’ ll have their complete , undivided attention .
“ It ’ s all about how you frame things .
You want action on climate change ?
Don ’ t say ‘ we need to reduce carbon emissions or we ’ ll ruin the climate ’ .
Say ‘ we need to reduce carbon emissions or we ’ ll lose our Second Amendment rights .
It ’ s pretty simple really ” .
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US Republicans would have had the pandemic taken care of by early March if it had been named ‘A-Vacancy-On-The-Supreme-Court’ rather than COVID-19, party insiders say.
“We would’ve had a list of a dozen potential solutions on the table within 24 hours, and then been ready to roll out the preferred option 24 hours after that” a senior Republican strategist said.
“The WHO really missed a trick when they named it COVID-19. Nobody in this party is interested in some pandemic that might kill a quarter of a million Americans. But give them a chance to stack the supreme court so they can overturn abortion law and legalise automatic weapons and you’ll have their complete, undivided attention.
“It’s all about how you frame things. You want action on climate change? Don’t say ‘we need to reduce carbon emissions or we’ll ruin the climate’. Say ‘we need to reduce carbon emissions or we’ll lose our Second Amendment rights. It’s pretty simple really”.


theshovel--2020-09-22--Man Who Spent High School Science Classes Pretending Bunsen Burner Was His Cock Reckons COVID-19 Is

Man Who Spent High School Science Classes Pretending Bunsen Burner Was His Cock Reckons COVID-19 Is A Hoax

A Sydney man who used to attach a Bunsen burner to his school trousers and run around the classroom saying @ @ @ @ @ cock Miss ’ believes the science doesn ’ t stack up when it comes to @ @ @ @ @ 35 , who was once sent to hospital after a mate dared him to drink @ @ @ @ @ tube in year 11 science , said he ’ s looked into the facts about @ @ @ @ @ things that don ’ t add up .
“ It ’ s definitely a hoax @ @ @ @ @ dangerous .
The facts are pretty clear on this , ” said the man who @ @ @ @ @ accidentally superglued his finger to a tripod during a chemistry lesson and couldn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ week afterwards .
Kelly , who was suspended from school for copying a classmate ’ @ @ @ @ @ do their own research , rather than trusting the so-called experts .
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A Sydney man who used to attach a Bunsen burner to his school trousers and run around the classroom saying ‘look at my giant cock Miss’ believes the science doesn’t stack up when it comes to COVID-19.
Darren Kelly, 35, who was once sent to hospital after a mate dared him to drink the contents of a test tube in year 11 science, said he’s looked into the facts about coronavirus and there are some things that don’t add up.
“It’s definitely a hoax – the flu is more dangerous. The facts are pretty clear on this,” said the man who, as a teenager, accidentally superglued his finger to a tripod during a chemistry lesson and couldn’t write or type for a week afterwards.
Kelly, who was suspended from school for copying a classmate’s work, suggested people do their own research, rather than trusting the so-called experts.


theshovel--2020-09-18--University of NSW renamed ‘Gas Exploration Australia’ –  will now receive government JobSeeker subsi

University of NSW renamed ‘Gas Exploration Australia’ –  will now receive government JobSeeker subsidies


theshovel--2020-09-23--Government Announces $4.5 Billion Upgrade To Convert NBN To Gas

Scott Morrison has unveiled a major new infrastructure upgrade that will enable Australia ’ s National Broadband Network to run @ @ @ @ @ % of the NBN runs on gas .
Announcing the spending today , Mr Morrison @ @ @ @ @ the speed at which political donations from the gas industry are converted into private-sector profits @ @ @ @ @ world first .
No other country has a broadband network that runs on gas .
@ @ @ @ @ world in modernising the way we communicate , ” Mr Morrison said .
Under the @ @ @ @ @ worth of gas would be bought from private companies with the remainder to be spent @ @ @ @ @ is expected to create as many as three jobs .
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Scott Morrison has unveiled a major new infrastructure upgrade that will see Australia’s National Broadband Network converted to gas. Currently 0% of the NBN runs on gas.
Announcing the spending today, Mr Morrison said the upgrade would increase the speed at which political influence from the gas industry is converted into private-sector profits. Upload speeds of taxpayer money would also be increased.
“This is a world first. No other country has a broadband network that runs on gas. We’re leading the world in modernising the way we communicate,” Mr Morrison said.
Under the program, $3 billion worth of gas would be bought from private companies with the remainder to be spent on marketing.
The plan is expected to create as many as three jobs.
_________
Sarah Yates


theshovel--2020-09-23--Daniel Andrews’ North Face jacket applies for JobKeeper after being stood down for 6 months

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews ’ North Face jacket has applied for the JobKeeper wage subsidy after being told it is no longer required to work until April 2021 .
The jacket has been noticeably absent from Andrews ’ press conferences in recent days , and has been the subject of rumours about its future on the Victorian Government payroll .
Andrews confirmed the news at a press conference today .
He stated that given the economic decline brought on by the global pandemic , the government needed to reduce its wages bill by standing down unnecessary warm clothing items until @ @ @ @ @ @ @ jacket expressed a mix of emotions when contacted for comment .
It said that “ On one hand it ’ s not a big surprise – I have friends in the industry who have been stood down this year .
But I ’ ve got a jacket wife and young jacket children to look after – and the JobKeeper rate will reduce next week .
I ’ ll probably apply for an early release of my superannuation just to be safe ” .
The jacket also expressed disappointment that it could not leave @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ d love to work for a politician in Europe or North America during their winter , but I guess that ’ s not going to happen without a definitive job offer ” .
Andrews sought to reassure concerned Victorians that his North Face jacket was not permanently laid off .
“ Let me be clear – this is only a temporary measure .
My North Face jacket will be back with me at my daily press conferences from April next year .
I can also confirm that my trousers , shirt and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ everything Victorians have been through over the past 12 months , the last thing they need is me delivering my press conferences in my birthday suit ” .
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Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews’ North Face jacket has applied for the JobKeeper wage subsidy after being told it is no longer required to work until April 2021. The jacket has been noticeably absent from Andrews’ press conferences in recent days, and has been the subject of rumours about its future on the Victorian Government payroll.
Andrews confirmed the news at a press conference today. He stated that given the economic decline brought on by the global pandemic, the government needed to reduce its wages bill by standing down unnecessary warm clothing items until autumn next year.
The North Face jacket expressed a mix of emotions when contacted for comment. It said that “On one hand it’s not a big surprise – I have friends in the industry who have been stood down this year. But I’ve got a jacket wife and young jacket children to look after – and the JobKeeper rate will reduce next week. I’ll probably apply for an early release of my superannuation just to be safe”.
The jacket also expressed disappointment that it could not leave Australia under current restrictions. “I’d love to work for a politician in Europe or North America during their winter, but I guess that’s not going to happen without a definitive job offer”.
Andrews sought to reassure concerned Victorians that his North Face jacket was not permanently laid off. “Let me be clear – this is only a temporary measure. My North Face jacket will be back with me at my daily press conferences from April next year. I can also confirm that my trousers, shirt and suit jacket will remain employed. After everything Victorians have been through over the past 12 months, the last thing they need is me delivering my press conferences in my birthday suit”.
________________
By Martin Welzel


theshovel--2020-09-24--Westpac To Pay $1.3 Billion Money Laundering Fine Using Unmarked 100 dollar Notes

Outgoing Westpac chief Peter King has asked regulators if it would be ok to settle their impending $ 1.3 billion @ @ @ @ @ child exploitation with a half dozen briefcases filled with $ 100 notes .
A spokesperson @ @ @ @ @ were willing to cooperate with the regulator ’ s demands , and were looking to @ @ @ @ @ as soon as possible .
“ Jimmy from accounts can get this all sorted out @ @ @ @ @ at the bus stop near Martin Place at 9pm tomorrow night .
No weapons ” @ @ @ @ @ ‘ works in construction ’ – told regulators the notes would be untraceable .
“ @ @ @ @ @ .
Everything ’ s there .
This is the quickest way to get the cash @ @ @ @ @ has also announced it will phase out the ‘ briefcase of unmarked bills ’ option @ @ @ @ @ , due to ‘ changing consumer expectations ’ .
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Westpac chief Peter King has asked regulators if it would be ok to settle their impending $1.3 billion fine for money laundering and child exploitation with a half dozen briefcases filled with $100 notes.
A spokesperson for the bank said they were willing to cooperate with the regulator’s demands, and were looking to get this all cleared up as soon as possible.
“Jimmy from accounts can get this all sorted out very quickly. Meet us at the bus stop near Martin Place at 9pm tomorrow night. No weapons”.
The spokesperson – who ‘works in construction’ – told regulators the notes would be untraceable. “They’re clean mate. Everything’s there. This is the quickest way to get the cash to you”.
Westpac has also announced it will phase out the ‘briefcase of unmarked bills’ option on its ATMs next year, due to ‘changing consumer expectations’.


theshovel--2020-09-24--Tiger Airways To Offer ‘Sitting On Tarmac’ Flights For People Missing The Unique Tiger Experience

Following Qantas ’ successful ‘ Flights to Nowhere ’ promotion this week , Tiger Airways has announced it will offer ‘ Sitting on the Tarmac ’ Flights for people who miss the unique Tiger Airways experience .
A spokesperson for the company said many of its customers have been unable to fly with the airline all year .
“ There ’ s nothing unusual about that – last year most of our customers were unable to get off the ground with us as well .
But what we ’ ve heard is that people are missing the opportunity to drive @ @ @ @ @ @ @ park , check in half a day early and then sit on the tarmac for four hours next to a screaming toddler , before disembarking at the same airport .
So this new initiative gives people the opportunity to experience that again for a very reasonable price ” .
Tickets will cost just $ 29.95 with a compulsory luggage fee of just $ 1000 .
Customers can pay a further $ 250 to choose their own seat or $ 200 for their luggage not to be lost .
The airline said that some @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be cancelled at the last minute and they would alert customers once they ’ d driven out to the airport .
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Following Qantas’ successful ‘Flights to Nowhere’ promotion this week, Tiger Airways has announced it will offer ‘Sitting on the Tarmac’ Flights for people who miss the unique Tiger Airways experience.
A spokesperson for the company said many of its customers have been unable to fly with the airline all year. “There’s nothing unusual about that – last year most of our customers were unable to get off the ground with us as well. But what we’ve heard is that people are missing the opportunity to drive out to the airport, find a park, check in half a day early and then sit on the tarmac for four hours next to a screaming toddler, before disembarking at the same airport. So this new initiative gives people the opportunity to experience that again for a very reasonable price”.
Tickets will cost just $29.95 with a compulsory luggage fee of just $1000. Customers can pay a further $250 to choose their own seat or $200 for their luggage not to be lost.
The airline said that some ‘Siting on Tarmac’ experiences would be cancelled at the last minute and they would alert customers once they’d driven out to the airport.


theshovel--2020-09-24--Trump Refuses To Accept Outcome Of The Bachelor Finale

US President Donald Trump has reacted strongly to last night ’ s finale of The Bachelor , insisting that the outcome was rigged .
In the final episode , Locky Gilbert chose Irena Srbinovska over runner-up Bella Valeris .
Trump tweeted that the outcome of The Bachelor was “ not the will of the people ” , claiming that the result was a “ conspiracy engineered by the US Postal Service , Democratic Party presidential candidate Joe Biden and Channel Ten.
” In scenes all too familiar to Americans in 2020 , protesters supporting the two Bachelor contestants clashed on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s tweet .
Supporters of Irena believe she won fairly , however supporters of Bella were sympathetic to Trump ’ s view and believe the result was rigged .
The US President has declared that he plans to take the matter to the US Supreme Court in the coming days .
Legal experts believe the matter may take many months to resolve .
Following the death of US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg , there are eight justices on the Supreme Court .
Most observers believe that four justices would support @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , making Ginsberg ’ s replacement vitally important to the case ’ s outcome .
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US President Donald Trump has reacted strongly to last night’s finale of The Bachelor, insisting that the outcome was rigged. In the final episode, Locky Gilbert chose Irena Srbinovska over runner-up Bella Valeris.
Trump tweeted that the outcome of The Bachelor was “not the will of the people”, claiming that the result was a “conspiracy engineered by the US Postal Service, Joe Biden and Channel Ten.”
In scenes all too familiar to Americans in 2020, protesters supporting the two Bachelor contestants clashed on the streets of major cities after Trump’s tweet. Supporters of Irena believe she won fairly, however supporters of Bella were sympathetic to Trump’s view and believe the result was rigged.
The US President has declared that he plans to take the matter to the US Supreme Court in the coming days. Legal experts believe the matter may take many months to resolve.
Following the death of US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, there are eight justices on the Supreme Court. Most observers believe that four justices would support Irena, and four would support Bella, making Ginsberg’s replacement vitally important to the case’s outcome.
_____________
By Martin Welzel


theshovel--2020-09-26--Morrison’s Daughter To Build And Negatively Gear Second Cubby House After Government’s Relaxation Of

Morrison’s Daughter To Build And Negatively Gear Second Cubby House After Government’s Relaxation Of Lending Regulations

Scott Morrison ’ s 10-year old daughter today welcomed the federal government ’ s proposed relaxation of lending standards , saying she plans to use the equity in her first cubby house , built earlier this month , to build a second property .
While she acknowledged her lack of a job and savings , Ms Morrison said she was thinking of her long-term financial future .
“ I ’ m unemployed , and have only a few dollars left from birthday and Christmas gifts .
But with these new looser restrictions , the equity from my first cubby house @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I should be able to scrape together enough for a deposit to build another one .
And with the tax benefits from two cubby houses being negatively geared , I ’ m hoping I can sell the properties before I turn 18 , and then retire.
” The Prime Minister ’ s youngest daughter also saw the broader economic effect of her plans , echoing her father ’ s fixation on tradespeople .
“ The looser lending rules will create more work for tradies , at a time when so many people are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pandemic .
These changes will bolster the cubby house sector , create jobs and provide prosperity for people looking to invest in property ” .
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Scott Morrison’s 10-year old daughter today welcomed the federal government’s proposed relaxation of lending standards, saying she plans to use the equity in her first cubby house, built earlier this month, to build a second property.
While she acknowledged her lack of a job and savings, Ms Morrison said she was thinking of her long-term financial future. “I’m unemployed, and have only a few dollars left from birthday and Christmas gifts. But with these new looser restrictions, the equity from my first cubby house and the $25,000 Homebuilder grant, I should be able to scrape together enough for a deposit to build another one. And with the tax benefits from two cubby houses being negatively geared, I’m hoping I can sell the properties before I turn 18, and then retire.”
The Prime Minister’s youngest daughter also saw the broader economic effect of her plans, echoing her father’s fixation on tradespeople. “The looser lending rules will create more work for tradies, at a time when so many people are unemployed or underemployed due to the global pandemic. These changes will bolster the cubby house sector, create jobs and provide prosperity for people looking to invest in property”.
_________
By Martin Welzel


theshovel--2020-09-28--Genius Businessman Owes $420 Million

Genius Businessman Owes $420 Million

A deal-making whiz from Manhattan is USD $ 420 million in the hole after launching some of the most successful @ @ @ @ @ ve ever seen .
The man – who honed his techniques at the esteemed Trump @ @ @ @ @ people know how to take a $ 400 million inheritance and turn it into a @ @ @ @ @ smaller than that .
“ It ’ s a very special ability .
Most businesspeople @ @ @ @ @ talent to do what I ’ ve done , ” he said .
Many observers @ @ @ @ @ achievements .
“ I literally don ’ t know how he does it , ” @ @ @ @ @ There ’ s no way the average person could do what he ’ s done @ @ @ @ @ on the street $ 400 million it ’ s very unlikely they ’ d be @ @ @ @ @ a half billion dollar debt ” .
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A deal-making whiz from Manhattan is USD $420 million in the hole after launching some of the most successful businesses and resorts you’ve ever seen.
The man – who honed his techniques at the esteemed Trump University – says very few people know how to take a $400 million inheritance and turn it into a value many, many times smaller than that.
“It’s a very special ability. Most businesspeople don’t have the talent to do what I’ve done,” he said.
Many observers were in awe of his achievements. “I literally don’t know how he does it,” one analyst said. “There’s no way the average person could do what he’s done. If you gave someone on the street $400 million it’s very unlikely they’d be able to turn that into a half billion dollar debt”.


theshovel--2020-09-29--Lemonade Stand Paid More Tax, Made More Profit, Than All Of Donald Trump’s Businesses Combined

A small lemonade stand in suburban Connecticut paid more tax last year than all of Donald Trump ’ s businesses combined , which its 9 year-old owner says is reasonable given her business was more profitable .
Grace Herriford , 9 , says failing businesses can ’ t be expected to pay as much tax as a well-run operation like hers .
“ Look , some people just aren ’ t good at business , and they ’ re going to struggle to turn a profit .
So it makes sense that they don ’ t pay as much tax @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s fault that he doesn ’ t know how to turn a profit ” .
She said running successful businesses just isn ’ t one of Mr Trump ’ s fortes .
“ If he were in charge here , he ’ d want to spend thousands of dollars on haircuts and change the name to Trump Lemonade and it would immediately lower the value of the business by millions of dollars ” .
While Ms Herriford ’ s lemonade stand did make a profit last year , she wanted to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ owing to her mother worth $ 14 – around $ 439,999,986 less than the loans owed by the Trump Organisation .
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A small lemonade stand in suburban Connecticut paid more tax last year than all of Donald Trump’s businesses combined, which its 9 year-old owner says is reasonable given her business was more profitable.
Grace Herriford, 9, says failing businesses can’t be expected to pay as much tax as a well-run operation like hers. “Look, some people just aren’t good at business, and they’re going to struggle to turn a profit. So it makes sense that they don’t pay as much tax. It’s not Mr Trump’s fault that he doesn’t know how to turn a profit”.
She said running successful businesses just isn’t one of Mr Trump’s fortes. “If he were in charge here, he’d want to spend thousands of dollars on haircuts and change the name to Trump Lemonade and it would immediately lower the value of the business by millions of dollars”.
While Ms Herriford’s lemonade stand did make a profit last year, she wanted to be clear that she does have a loan owing to her mother worth $14 – around $439,999,986 less than the loans owed by the Trump Organisation.


theshovel--2020-09-28--Murdoch Shocked To Learn Of Trump’s Tax Bill: “$750 Is Extraordinarily High”

News Corp chief Rupert Murdoch was stunned when he heard about Donald Trump ’ s $ 750 tax bill , @ @ @ @ @ a tax payment that high before .
The media tycoon , whose company regularly pays @ @ @ @ @ than Donald Trump , says he was taken aback by the release of the President @ @ @ @ @ “ I was as shocked as anyone when I saw that figure .
Seven hundred @ @ @ @ @ $ 75 , not $ 7.50 .
Seven , five , zero – in tax @ @ @ @ @ the news had shaken his confidence in the President ’ s abilities as a businessman @ @ @ @ @ is a fairly careless approach to tax accounting – to let that much go to @ @ @ @ @ the people advising the president , and how were they unable to find a way @ @ @ @ @ large amount of taxable income ?
I think Americans have a right to know ” @ @ @ @ @ follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

News Corp chief Rupert Murdoch was stunned when he heard about Donald Trump’s $750 tax bill, saying he has not seen a tax payment that high before.
The media tycoon, whose company regularly pays $750 less in tax than Donald Trump, says he was taken aback by the release of the President’s tax returns.
“I was as shocked as anyone when I saw that figure. Seven hundred and fifty dollars. Not $75, not $7.50. Seven, five, zero – in tax!”
Mr Murdoch said the news had shaken his confidence in the President’s abilities as a businessman. “What it shows is a fairly careless approach to tax accounting – to let that much go to the IRS. Who are the people advising the president, and how were they unable to find a way to write off such a large amount of taxable income? I think Americans have a right to know”


theshovel--2020-09-29--Scott Morrison Has Just Released His Tax Return, And It’s A Little Bit Odd

Following the recent release of US President Donald Trump ’ s tax returns , Prime Minister Scott Morrison has got on the front foot and released his own returns .
Although his financial statement seems to suggest he may not quite understand how the economy works .
According to Mr Morrison ’ s self reported earnings for the financial year ending June 30 2020 , he had 12,612 Goes , got 9,281 Goes , with the balance of 3,331 Goes still owed as part of his tax return .
“ Everyone who has a Go gets a Go and the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you get .
It ’ s pretty simple really , ” Mr Morrison said .
“ I ’ ve had a lot of Goes last year , which is why I got a lot of Goes – that ’ s entirely reasonable .
Some people who are out of work or don ’ t have the right connections haven ’ t had a Go , so they don ’ t get a Go – that ’ s why their tax statements will look a little different ” .
Asked how much actual money @ @ @ @ @ @ @ year , Mr Morrison said you would need to contact the Australian Gas Industry Association to find out the exact details .
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Following the recent release of US President Donald Trump’s tax returns, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has got on the front foot and released his own returns. Although his financial statement seems to suggest he may not quite understand how the economy works.
According to Mr Morrison’s self reported earnings for the financial year ending June 30 2020, he had 12,612 Goes, got 9,281 Goes, with the balance of 3,331 Goes still owed as part of his tax return.
“Everyone who has a Go gets a Go and the more Goes you have the more Goes you get. It’s pretty simple really,” Mr Morrison said. “I’ve had a lot of Goes last year, which is why I got a lot of Goes – that’s entirely reasonable. Some people who are out of work or don’t have the right connections haven’t had a Go, so they don’t get a Go – that’s why their tax statements will look a little different”.
Asked how much actual money he was likely to make this financial year, Mr Morrison said you would need to contact the Australian Gas Industry Association to find out the exact details.


theshovel--2020-09-24--Westpac To Pay $1.3 Billion Money Laundering Fine Using Unmarked 100 Dollar Notes

Westpac chief Peter King has asked regulators if it would be ok to settle their impending $ 1.3 billion fine @ @ @ @ @ exploitation with a half dozen briefcases filled with $ 100 notes .
A spokesperson for @ @ @ @ @ willing to cooperate with the regulator ’ s demands , and were looking to get @ @ @ @ @ soon as possible .
“ Jimmy from accounts can get this all sorted out very @ @ @ @ @ the bus stop near Martin Place at 9pm tomorrow night .
No weapons ” .
@ @ @ @ @ works in construction ’ – told regulators the notes would be untraceable .
“ They @ @ @ @ @ Everything ’ s there .
This is the quickest way to get the cash to @ @ @ @ @ also announced it will phase out the ‘ briefcase of unmarked bills ’ option on @ @ @ @ @ due to ‘ changing consumer expectations ’ .
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theshovel--2020-09-30--BREAKING: Kanye West Wins First Presidential Debate

Rapper and producer Kanye West has made a solid start to his bid for President , decisively winning the first @ @ @ @ @ take part .
When asked which of the candidates was most coherent at the debate @ @ @ @ @ said Kanye West .
“ I just loved that part where Kanye didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ resonated with me .
I couldn ’ t really make much sense of the other @ @ @ @ @ swinging voter said .
“ The zero words he said were so much more articulate @ @ @ @ @ tonight , ” said another .
As he did not take part in the debate @ @ @ @ @ put forward any policy detail .
That didn ’ t stop the other two candidates @ @ @ @ @ policy detail .
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Rapper and producer Kanye West has made a solid start to his bid for President, decisively winning the first debate by choosing not to take part.
When asked which of the candidates was most coherent at the debate, 88% of Americans said Kanye West.
“I just loved that part where Kanye didn’t say anything. That really resonated with me. I couldn’t really make much sense of the other two candidates,” one swinging voter said.
“The zero words he said were so much more articulate than anything else I heard tonight,” said another.
As he did not take part in the debate, West was unable to put forward any policy detail. That didn’t stop the other two candidates from also putting forward no policy detail.
_________
By Susie Eastwood


theshovel--2020-10-01--The Policy Announcements You May Have Missed From The First Presidential Debate

Many observers criticised the first Presidential debate for being devoid of policy .
Not true – many plans were outlined during the 90 minute exchange .
Here are the top policy announcements from each of the candidates .
Employment : Outlined plans to boost employment in far-right white supremacist groups by 200 % by 2021 COVID-19 : Unveiled a new policy to shut down the coronavirus by relentlessly talking over the top of it Law & Order : A television show on NBC which did not achieve the very high ratings of The Apprentice Business : Promised to forgive all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 420 million and $ 421 million Crime : Revealed new funding for white vigilante groups to crack down on the increasing levels of crime that have become rampant under the current President ’ s watch Employment : Promised to … .
“ YOUR SON ’ S A COCAINE ADDICT ” … increase jobs … .
“ WRONG !
” … in … .
“ THAT ’ S NOT WHAT I ’ M HEARING ” … .
through a new … .
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Many observers criticised the first Presidential debate for being devoid of policy. Not true – many plans were outlined during the 90 minute exchange. Here are the top policy announcements from each of the candidates.
Trump
Employment: Outlined plans to boost employment in far-right white supremacist groups by 200% by 2021
COVID-19: Unveiled a new policy to shut down the coronavirus by relentlessly talking over the top of it
The Economy: Promised 4 years of constantly interrupted growth
Law & Order: A television show on NBC which did not achieve the very high ratings of The Apprentice
Tax: [Trump avoided this topic]
Business: Promised to forgive all debt for businesses that owe between $420 million and $421 million
Crime: Revealed new funding for white vigilante groups to crack down on the increasing levels of crime that have become rampant under the current President’s watch
Biden
Employment: Promised to …. “YOUR SON’S A COCAINE ADDICT” … increase jobs …. “WRONG!” … in …. “THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M HEARING” …. through a new …. “LOCK HIM UP”


theshovel--2020-09-30--America Longing For Sensible, Coherent Days Of George W Bush

Americans have looked back nostalgically at the days of their 43rd President , when policy was balanced , thought-through and @ @ @ @ @ by George W Bush sent Americans minds racing back to a quieter , more intelligent @ @ @ @ @ , and only a little bit of racism .
“ He was so stately , @ @ @ @ @ intelligent compared to the current President .
Oh , to go back to those days @ @ @ @ @ said .
“ Back then the most outlandish thing we had to worry about was @ @ @ @ @ the Middle East , or the odd collapse of a financial market .
Now it @ @ @ @ @ He said discourse then was more stately .
“ It ’ s the incoherent babble @ @ @ @ @ it really is difficult to know what he ’ s talking about sometimes .
But @ @ @ @ @ way with words ” .
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Americans have looked back nostalgically at the days of their 43rd President, when policy was balanced, thought-through and well-articulated.
A recent speech by George W Bush sent Americans minds racing back to a quieter, more intelligent time of respect, decorum, and only a little bit of racism.
“He was so stately, so well spoken, so intelligent compared to the current President. Oh, to go back to those days,” American Ted Humphries said.
“Back then the most outlandish thing we had to worry about was the occasional dodgy war in the Middle East, or the odd collapse of a financial market. Now it’s much worse.”
He said discourse then was more stately. “It’s the incoherent babble of the current President – it really is difficult to know what he’s talking about sometimes. But Bush, he had a way with words”.


theshovel--2020-10-02--Trump Refuses To Accept Result Of Covid Test

US President Donald Trump says he does not accept the validity of the COVID-19 test , saying it was a @ @ @ @ @ fraud .
Trump made the bizarre claim just hours after apparently testing positive for the @ @ @ @ @ s not a legitimate result .
This is fraud like you ’ ve never seen @ @ @ @ @ .
The President said the test was done by mail .
“ There have been @ @ @ @ @ In creeks .
It ’ s crazy .
And now you want me to just @ @ @ @ @ No , I do not accept this result at all ” .
Observers were surprised @ @ @ @ @ test in the first place , saying when it comes to difficult tests he usually @ @ @ @ @ for him .
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US President Donald Trump says he does not accept the validity of the COVID-19 test, claiming it was a result of mail-in voter fraud.
Trump made the bizarre claim just hours after apparently testing positive for the virus.
“It’s not a legitimate result. This is fraud like you’ve never seen it,” he said.
The President said the test was done by mail. “There have been tests dumped in rivers. In creeks. It’s crazy. And now you want me to just accept this result? No way”.
Observers were surprised Donald Trump took the COVID test in the first place, saying when it comes to difficult tests he usually gets someone to sit in for him.


theshovel--2020-10-02--“Our Thoughts And Prayers Are With The Coronavirus At This Difficult Time” – Tributes Pour In

Condolences have flooded in from leaders from across the world , after it was revealed that the coronavirus had been @ @ @ @ @ .
A spokesperson for the French government wrote , “ This demonstrates that this terrible @ @ @ @ @ I wish the virus a swift recovery ” .
“ What an awful , awful @ @ @ @ @ with .
I know it all too well , ” German Chancellor Angela Merkel tweeted @ @ @ @ @ so sorry this has happened to you .
Our thoughts and prayers are with you @ @ @ @ @ wrote .
A British government spokesperson wrote : “ This has visited our shores before @ @ @ @ @ t wish it on anyone ” .
Millions of people have been infected by Mr @ @ @ @ @ years , with some never recovering .
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Condolences have flooded in from leaders from across the world, after it was revealed that the coronavirus had been in contact with Donald Trump.
A spokesperson for the French government wrote, “This demonstrates that this terrible affliction spares no one. I wish the virus a swift recovery”.
“What an awful, awful disease to have to deal with. I know it all too well,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel tweeted.
“I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you” a New Zealand spokesperson wrote.
A British government spokesperson wrote: “This has visited our shores before too. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone”.
Millions of people have been infected by Mr Trump over the past 40 years, with some never recovering.


theshovel--2020-10-02--Frantic Donald Trump Unable To Open Childproof Cap On Bottle Of Hydroxychloroquine

Shouting at White House aides to bring him a hammer or an axe , US President Donald Trump was this @ @ @ @ @ the childproof cap on a bottle of hydroxychloroquine .
Trump – who tested positive to @ @ @ @ @ tried bottle after bottle , throwing each one on the floor in a growing panic @ @ @ @ @ caps are glued on !
” he shouted to his staff .
“ Just bring @ @ @ @ @ An aide , who was unable to approach Mr Trump , advised him to read @ @ @ @ @ only infuriated Trump further .
“ Can you summarise the instructions in one word , @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t read all of this !
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Shouting at White House aides to bring him a hammer or an axe, US President Donald Trump was this evening desperately trying to navigate the childproof cap on a bottle of hydroxychloroquine.
Trump – who tested positive to COVID-19 just hours earlier – tried bottle after bottle, throwing each one on the floor in a growing panic.
“All of the caps are glued on!” he shouted to his staff. “Just bring me the pills”.
An aide, who was unable to approach Mr Trump, advised him to read the instructions. But this only infuriated Trump further.
“Can you summarise the instructions in one word, or an image? I can’t read all of this!”


theshovel--2020-10-02--Idiot! If Trump Didn’t Get Tested, He Never Would’ve Got COVID

Donald Trump says he was tricked into getting a COVID-19 test and would have avoided the virus altogether had he @ @ @ @ @ When you test , you ’ re going to find the virus .
Everyone knows @ @ @ @ @ .
“ I ’ ve tried so hard to avoid it .
I ’ ve @ @ @ @ @ day I wake up and I say – ‘ What can I do today to @ @ @ @ @ this thing ?
How can I not get a test ?
’ “ And then @ @ @ @ @ one moment and they test me .
And guess what ?
I test positive ” @ @ @ @ @ has it too , because of course they tested her as well ” .
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Donald Trump says he was tricked into getting a COVID-19 test and would have avoided the virus altogether had he not been tested.
“When you test, you’re going to find the virus. Everyone knows that,” Trump said.
“I’ve tried so hard to avoid it. I’ve done everything right. Every day I wake up and I say – ‘What can I do today to make sure I can avoid this thing? How can I not get a test?’
“And then, I look around for one moment and they test me. And guess what? I test positive”.
“And now Melania has it too, because of course they tested her as well”.


theshovel--2020-10-02--Coronavirus Has Contracted Donald Trump

Coronavirus Has Contracted Donald Trump

COVID-19 has contracted Donald Trump , it has been confirmed .
The unsettling news was confirmed in a tweet this @ @ @ @ @ and prayers are with the coronavirus at this difficult time , ” the tweet read @ @ @ @ @ from around the world , with thousands sending their thoughts and prayers .
“ I @ @ @ @ @ has happened to you , ” one tweet read .
“ What an awful , @ @ @ @ @ deal with , ” read another .
Millions of people have been infected by Mr @ @ @ @ @ years , with some never recovering .
“ This is a cruel blow .
We @ @ @ @ @ speeding recovery , ” medical officials said .
More to come .
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COVID-19 has contracted Donald Trump, it has been confirmed.
The unsettling news was confirmed in a tweet this afternoon. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the coronavirus at this difficult time,” the tweet read.
Condolences have flooded in from around the world, with thousands sending their thoughts and prayers.
“I’m so sorry this has happened to you,” one tweet read.
“What an awful, awful disease to have to deal with,” read another.
Millions of people have been infected by Mr Trump over the past 40 years, with some never recovering.
“This is a cruel blow. We’re praying for a speeding recovery,” medical officials said.
More to come.


theshovel--2020-10-02--Trump Hospitalised After Testing Positive For Racism, Sexism, Bullying And Pathological Lying

Donald Trump has been taken to hospital following a series of tests that confirmed he is an arsehole .
The White House released a statement , saying that the US President had undertaken a series of medical tests that had confirmed what many had suspected – he is a racist , sexist , bullying , pathological liar .
“ He has been showing signs for many , many years , ” a spokesperson said .
Several medical experts cited Trump ’ s performance at the first presidential debate as one of many examples of his symptoms being on display .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ anonymous , said that the prognosis for the US President was poor given his age .
“ At the age of 74 , and with millions of people who think he can do no wrong , it ’ s difficult to see how he can become less of a lying , racist and sexist bully in the near term , or ever ” .
The expert also expressed concern that being surrounded by supporters would reduce the likelihood of any improvement .
“ With an entire political movement supporting him , it ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much improvement ” Support The Shovel .
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Donald Trump has been taken to hospital following a series of tests that confirmed he is an arsehole.
The White House released a statement, saying that the US President had undertaken a series of medical tests that had confirmed what many had suspected – he is a racist, sexist, bullying, pathological liar. “He has been showing signs for many, many years,” a spokesperson said.
Several medical experts cited Trump’s performance at the first presidential debate as one of many examples of his symptoms being on display. One expert, who wished to remain anonymous, said that the prognosis for the US President was poor given his age. “At the age of 74, and with millions of people who think he can do no wrong, it’s difficult to see how he can become less of a lying, racist and sexist bully in the near term, or ever”.
The expert also expressed concern that being surrounded by supporters would reduce the likelihood of any improvement. “With an entire political movement supporting him, it’s unlikely that we’ll see much improvement”


theshovel--2020-10-02--Trump’s Medical Treatment To Be Capped At $750

Saying the last thing they wanted was for Donald Trump to be a drain on the system , health officials @ @ @ @ @ ’ s treatment for COVID-19 will be capped at the level of his annual tax @ @ @ @ @ ll get the best medical treatment $ 750 can buy , ” a health department @ @ @ @ @ the President ’ s treatment will need to be wrapped up around seven minutes into @ @ @ @ @ After that he ’ ll be on his own – but he ’ ll be @ @ @ @ @ ’ t relying on other people ’ s hard work and taxes to subsidise his @ @ @ @ @ White House aide said she welcomed the news .
“ We ’ d hate for @ @ @ @ @ leaching off the system .
The idea that someone would get access to healthcare beyond @ @ @ @ @ pay is repulsive to him .
That ’ s socialism ” .
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Saying the last thing they wanted was for Donald Trump to be a drain on the system, health officials have confirmed that the President’s treatment for COVID-19 will be capped at the level of his annual tax contribution.
“He’ll get the best medical treatment $750 can buy,” a health department spokesperson said, noting that the President’s treatment will need to be wrapped up around seven minutes into his initial consultation.
“After that he’ll be on his own – but he’ll be pleased to know he isn’t relying on other people’s hard work and taxes to subsidise his own care”.
A White House aide said she welcomed the news. “We’d hate for Donald to think he was leaching off the system. The idea that someone would get access to healthcare beyond the amount of tax they pay is repulsive to him. That’s socialism”.


theshovel--2020-10-02--Tributes Pour In: “Our Thoughts And Prayers Are With The Coronavirus At This Difficult Time”


theshovel--2020-10-03--EXCLUSIVE: Coronavirus Was Offered $130,000 To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreement, After Being Inside Tru

EXCLUSIVE: Coronavirus Was Offered $130,000 To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreement, After Being Inside Trump

The Coronavirus was offered $ 130,000 in hush money to keep quiet about its affair with the President , it has been revealed .
The explosive allegations have been denied by the White House , but leaked exchanges from Trump ’ s legal team show evidence to the contrary .
“ With the election only a month away , it ’ s essential that we do whatever it takes to keep the details of this affair quiet , ” Trump ’ s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani wrote .
It is understood the two had been courting for months .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ its time with Trump , but claims the President ‘ pulled out all stops ’ to get the two together .
“ Trump did everything he could to lure me .
He took off his mask , he got all close and personal – I couldn ’ t say no , ” COVID said in a statement .
While further details of the agreement remain unknown , a leaked copy of the terms of payment suggest the Coronavirus would receive annual installments of $ 750 over the course of 15 years .
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The Coronavirus was offered $130,000 in hush money to keep quiet about its affair with the President, it has been revealed.
The explosive allegations have been denied by the White House, but leaked exchanges from Trump’s legal team show evidence to the contrary.
“With the election only a month away, it’s essential that we do whatever it takes to keep the details of this affair quiet,” Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani wrote.
It is understood the two had been courting for months.
The virus says it is not proud of its time with Trump, but claims the President ‘pulled out all stops’ to get the two together. “Trump did everything he could to lure me. He took off his mask, he got all close and personal – I couldn’t say no,” COVID said in a statement.
While further details of the agreement remain unknown, a leaked copy of the terms of payment suggest the Coronavirus would receive annual installments of $750 over the course of 15 years.
By Jordan Simon


theshovel--2020-10-04--Regular ‘DIY Dad’ Scott Morrison Builds Coal-Fired Power Station In Backyard

Ordinary Aussie Dad and part time Prime Minister Scott Morrison spent the weekend doing a bit of DIY , putting the finishing touches to a home-made coal-fired gas station for the backyard at The Lodge .
“ I promised I ’ d build one for Jen and the kids ages ago .
And this weekend , with the sun shining and nothing much else on my plate , it seemed like the right time to get cracking .
“ Some mates of mine sent me all the materials , now I ’ ve just got to put it all together @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great , and it ’ s a good way to take some pressure off the grid .
Cheap too , what with all the subsidies ” .
Mr Morrison said he was just an ordinary , backyard loving , do-it-yourself , roll-up your sleeves , have a go , fair dinkum , get-your-hands-dirty and get-the-job-done Aussie bloke .
“ Name me an Aussie Dad who isn ’ t into DIY or captured by the fossil fuel industry ?
I ’ ll wait.
” He said one of his strengths as Prime Minister was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ voter .
“ Some blokes like to build sheds , I like building unsustainable power plants .
We ’ re all the same really ” .
The Prime Minister said it took him most of the weekend to put together .
“ Luckily there wasn ’ t a global health and economic crisis on , so I had a bit of time up my sleeves ” .
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Ordinary Aussie Dad and part time Prime Minister Scott Morrison spent the weekend doing a bit of DIY, putting the finishing touches to a home-made coal-fired gas station for the backyard at The Lodge.
“I promised I’d build one for Jen and the kids ages ago. And this weekend, with the sun shining and nothing much else on my plate, it seemed like the right time to get cracking.
“Some mates of mine sent me all the materials, now I’ve just got to put it all together. It’s going to look great, and it’s a good way to take some pressure off the grid. Cheap too, what with all the subsidies”.
Mr Morrison said he was just an ordinary, backyard loving, do-it-yourself, roll-up your sleeves, have a go, fair dinkum, get-your-hands-dirty and get-the-job-done Aussie bloke. “Name me an Aussie Dad who isn’t into DIY or captured by the fossil fuel industry? I’ll wait.”
He said one of his strengths as Prime Minister was being able to relate to the typical voter. “Some blokes like to build sheds, I like building unsustainable power plants. We’re all the same really”.
The Prime Minister said it took him most of the weekend to put together. “Luckily there wasn’t a global health and economic crisis on, so I had a bit of time up my sleeves”.


theshovel--2020-10-04--Trump May Not Be In A Condition To Govern, 4-Year Study Shows

President Donald Trump is not stable enough to run the country , a study that began in January 2017 has found .
Researchers concluded that President Trump isn ’ t well enough to make important decisions or process complex information .
“ He has limited capacity to connect with people or understand anything but the most basic commands .
He has been unresponsive to those around him since at least 2017 , ” lead researcher Felicity Cranburg , who has been studying the President for four years , said .
“ His staff has been trying different techniques – like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ words , or by using pictures and sounds .
But they ’ ve had limited success .
It is quite a concern ” .
She said many people recently had been asking her what effect an incapacitated President could have on the nation .
“ A lot of people have been saying to me , ‘ What happens if the President is rendered unfit to govern ?
’ and the answer to that is , ‘ America in 2020 ’ ” .
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President Donald Trump is not stable enough to run the country, a study that began in January 2017 has found.
Researchers concluded that President Trump isn’t well enough to make important decisions or process complex information.
“He has limited capacity to connect with people or understand anything but the most basic commands. He has been unresponsive to those around him since at least 2017,” lead researcher Felicity Cranburg, who has been studying the President for four years, said.
“His staff has been trying different techniques – like summarising key issues in one or two words, or by using pictures and sounds. But they’ve had limited success. It is quite a concern”.
She said many people recently had been asking her what effect an incapacitated President could have on the nation.
“A lot of people have been saying to me, ‘What happens if the President is rendered unfit to govern?’ and the answer to that is, ‘America in 2020’”.


theshovel--2020-10-06--“Frydenberg Panicking After Being Knocked Back For $213 Billion Payday Loan

Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg was in a last-ditch scramble to scrape together $ 210 billion to pay for the Government ’ s massive Budget deficit last night , after being refused a loan from a popular payday lender .
“ No , you can ’ t just ‘ Nimble It ’ , ” the Treasurer was told as he pleaded with the company ’ s call centre consultant , before being turned down as an unacceptable risk .
The Treasurer then spent most of the evening on hold waiting to speak to someone at the National Debt Helpline , before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ speech .
A spokesperson for Nimble said they were a lender of last resort , approving loans to clients with a poor credit history and no assets or income , “ but even we have our limits ” .
When Mr Frydenberg finally got through to someone on the National Debt Helpline late last night , all they could do was refer him to the St Vincent de Paul and suggest he apply for an early release of some of his government superannuation to chip in to Treasury ’ s coffers .
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Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg was in a last-ditch scramble to scrape together $210 billion to pay for the Government’s massive Budget deficit last night, after being refused a loan from a popular payday lender.
“No, you can’t just ‘Nimble It’,” the Treasurer was told as he pleaded with the company’s call centre consultant, before being turned down as an unacceptable risk.
The Treasurer then spent most of the evening on hold waiting to speak to someone at the National Debt Helpline, before putting the final touches to his Budget speech.
A spokesperson for Nimble said they were a lender of last resort, approving loans to clients with a poor credit history and no assets or income, “but even we have our limits” .
When Mr Frydenberg finally got through to someone on the National Debt Helpline late last night, all they could do was refer him to the St Vincent de Paul and suggest he apply for an early release of some of his government superannuation to chip in to Treasury’s coffers.
______
By Xavier Duff


theshovel--2020-10-06--Trump Rushes Back To White House To Immediately Get On With Ignoring Covid

Saying there was no time to waste , US President Donald Trump has left Walter Reed Medical Center so he @ @ @ @ @ nothing about the pandemic sweeping the nation .
Aides reminded the public that the President @ @ @ @ @ doing nothing when he was struck down by the virus last Friday and was eager @ @ @ @ @ left off .
“ He has spent nearly three days in hospital .
That ’ @ @ @ @ @ hasn ’ t been able to sit in the Oval Office and totally ignore the @ @ @ @ @ century .
The clock is ticking , and he knows it , ” one aide @ @ @ @ @ adamant we couldn ’ t keep him in there for a minute longer .
And @ @ @ @ @ back in his office deep into doing absolutely fuck all .
It ’ s as @ @ @ @ @ .
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Saying there was no time to waste, US President Donald Trump has left Walter Reed Medical Center so he can immediately return to doing nothing about the pandemic sweeping the nation.
Aides reminded the public that the President was in the middle of doing nothing when he was struck down by the virus last Friday and was eager to pick up where he left off.
“He has spent nearly three days in hospital. That’s three days when he hasn’t been able to sit in the Oval Office and totally ignore the biggest health crisis in a century. The clock is ticking, and he knows it,” one aide said.
“He was adamant we couldn’t keep him in there for a minute longer. And so now he’s back in his office deep into doing absolutely fuck all. It’s as if he never left”.
___________
With Dave Graham


theshovel--2020-10-08--Morrison Defends Lack Of Money In Budget For Women: “It Simply Isn’t Possible To Cater For Every Sin

Morrison Defends Lack Of Money In Budget For Women: “It Simply Isn’t Possible To Cater For Every Single Minority Group”

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has responded to claims that women were the losers in Tuesday night ’ s budget , @ @ @ @ @ reality that not all special interest groups can be catered for .
“ We don @ @ @ @ @ pot of money ; there isn ’ t a money tree growing out the back @ @ @ @ @ wish there was .
So we have to draw the line somewhere .
And unfortunately @ @ @ @ @ niche groups in society are going to miss out this time , ” he said @ @ @ @ @ was aware of women in Australia .
“ I ’ ve met many women .
@ @ @ @ @ my own party in fact , as far as I am aware .
My wife @ @ @ @ @ in tough economic times you need to divert money towards the largest areas of society @ @ @ @ @ biggest impact – tradies and school chaplains ” .
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Prime Minister Scott Morrison has responded to claims that women were the losers in Tuesday night’s budget, saying it is an unfortunate reality that not all special interest groups can be catered for.
“We don’t have an endless pot of money; there isn’t a money tree growing out the back of parliament house. I wish there was. So we have to draw the line somewhere. And unfortunately some of the smaller, niche groups in society are going to miss out this time,” he said.
Mr Morrison said he was aware of women in Australia. “I’ve met many women. There are some women in my own party in fact, as far as I am aware. My wife is a woman. But in tough economic times you need to divert money towards the largest areas of society where spending can have the biggest impact – tradies and school chaplains”.


theshovel--2020-10-08--Understanding Government Spending In Australia

There ’ s been a bit of confusion lately about the difference between a government surplus and a government deficit , and how that relates to good economic management in Australia .
This simple economics lesson from The Shovel explains how it works .
Good Economic Management ( green section ) : Literally the only thing that matters when managing an economy is achieving a surplus .
Nothing else is relevant .
The Coalition has delivered a surplus every single year it has been in office in recent times , except 2013 , 2014 , 2015 , 2016 , 2017 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Back in Black ( yellow section ) : This is a fictional scenario delivered by the Government this year , last year .
Small Deficit ( orange section ) : This occurs when government spending is more than government revenue .
This only occurs due to Labor being in Government or Opposition .
Debt and Deficit Disaster ( red section ) : This is when spending is a lot more than income .
It occurs when a Labor government is in office during a global economic crisis and is trying to avoid a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Good Economic Management ( green section ) : This is when government spending is immensely more than government income .
It occurs when a Coalition government is in office during a global economic crises and is trying to avoid a recession .
It ’ s basically the same as a surplus , except for the bit about spending being more than revenue .
It is sound economic management .
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There’s been a bit of confusion lately about the difference between a government surplus and a government deficit, and how that relates to good economic management in Australia. This simple economics lesson from The Shovel explains how it works.
Good Economic Management (green section): Literally the only thing that matters when managing an economy is achieving a surplus. Nothing else is relevant. The Coalition has delivered a surplus every single year it has been in office in recent times, except 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021.
Back in Black (yellow section): This is a fictional scenario delivered by the Government this year, last year.
Small Deficit (orange section): This occurs when government spending is more than government revenue. This only occurs due to Labor being in Government or Opposition.
Debt and Deficit Disaster (red section): This is when spending is a lot more than income. It occurs when a Labor government is in office during a global economic crisis and is trying to avoid a recession. It is horrifically bad.
Good Economic Management (green section): This is when government spending is immensely more than government income. It occurs when a Coalition government is in office during a global economic crises and is trying to avoid a recession. It’s basically the same as a surplus, except for the bit about spending being more than revenue. It is sound economic management.


theshovel--2020-10-11--Atmosphere At Trump Rally Described As ‘Infectious’

Excited Trump fans who flocked to the President ’ s first rally since being diagnosed with COVID-19 described the feeling in the stadium as ‘ totally contagious ’ .
While some experts have expressed concerns about the President holding rallies so soon after being released from hospital , Trump supporters have been eager to see the man in the flesh .
First time rally-goer Brad Winterson said it ’ s hard not to get caught up in Trump Fever .
“ I was sceptical at first , but then Trump came on stage and started speaking and – wow !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve definitely caught the Trump bug !
” Others described the rally as ‘ breathtaking ’ .
“ What a show .
It took my breath away .
As in , I ’ m literally struggling to breathe right now .
I just love … I just … sorry , I think I need to sit down , ” Trump fan Jerry Panso said .
Trump will now spread himself across Florida , Iowa and Pennsylvania .
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Excited Trump fans who flocked to the President’s first rally since being diagnosed with COVID-19 described the feeling in the stadium as ‘totally contagious’.
While some experts have expressed concerns about the President holding rallies so soon after being released from hospital, Trump supporters have been eager to see the man in the flesh.
First time rally-goer Brad Winterson said it’s hard not to get caught up in Trump Fever. “I was sceptical at first, but then Trump came on stage and started speaking and – wow! – it was just infectious. I’ve definitely caught the Trump bug!”
Others described the rally as ‘breathtaking’. “What a show. It took my breath away. As in, I’m literally struggling to breathe right now. I just love … I just … sorry, I think I need to sit down,” Trump fan Jerry Panso said.
Trump will now spread himself across Florida, Iowa and Pennsylvania.
_______
With Martin Welzel


theshovel--2020-10-12--Everyone In Contact With Berejiklian Over Past 5 Years To Distance Themselves Immediately

In keeping with NSW ’ s ‘ gold standard ’ contact tracing system , anyone who has had contact with @ @ @ @ @ 5 years will now distance themselves immediately .
It comes after the NSW Premier revealed @ @ @ @ @ after coming into contact with a virus in 2015 .
She went on to have @ @ @ @ @ .
As news of the contamination broke , NSW ’ s famed contact tracing protocols @ @ @ @ @ Coalition MPs getting as far away from Berejiklian as possible .
“ For my on @ @ @ @ @ make sure I ’ m not in the same room as the Premier for at @ @ @ @ @ .
She has my full support , if you know what I mean , ” @ @ @ @ @ Asked for his opinion on the issue , Prime Minister Scott Morrison – who has @ @ @ @ @ up their economies since March – said he doesn ’ t get involved with state @ @ @ @ @ .
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In keeping with NSW’s ‘gold standard’ contact tracing system, anyone who has had contact with Gladys Berejiklian over the past 5 years will now distance themselves immediately.
It comes after the NSW Premier revealed she had failed to isolate after coming into contact with a virus in 2015. She went on to have a five-year relationship with him.
As news of the contamination broke, NSW’s famed contact tracing protocols immediately kicked in, with Coalition MPs getting as far away from Berejiklian as possible. “For my own health and safety I will make sure I’m not in the same room as the Premier for at least the next two weeks. She has my full support, if you know what I mean,” one Liberal MP said.
Asked for his opinion on the issue, Prime Minister Scott Morrison – who has been pressuring states to open up their economies since March – said he doesn’t get involved with state matters.
________
By Jen B.


theshovel--2020-10-13--Trump: “I Understand What It’s Like To Be An Ordinary American With Access To Free Healthcare”

US President Donald Trump says he has learnt a lot from his experience contracting COVID-19 , and can empathise with the millions of Americans who have battled the disease with nothing more than a team of specialist doctors , a private hospital wing and the latest medications .
“ I ’ ve been through what you ’ ve been through .
It ’ s tough , but I can relate to it , ” he told a rally in Florida where four hundred more people contracted the disease .
“ But one of the great things about this country is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ helicoptered to a five-star hospital to get the world ’ s very best treatment .
No bills to pay , no questions asked ” .
Trump told the cheering crowd he was one of them .
“ Just like thousands of ordinary Americans , I ’ ve been rushed past emergency room waiting lines directly to a private room .
“ And just like you , I ’ ve experienced that awful moment when the doctor says that , before beginning treatment , he ’ ll need to check what meal you ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ enough to eat again .
It ’ s very , very hard , but I ’ ve done it .
That ’ s what makes us American ” .
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US President Donald Trump says he has learnt a lot from his experience contracting COVID-19, and can empathise with the millions of Americans who have battled the disease with nothing more than a team of specialist doctors, a private hospital wing and the latest medications.
“I’ve been through what you’ve been through. It’s tough, but I can relate to it,” he told a rally in Florida where four hundred more people contracted the disease. “But one of the great things about this country is that when you get sick you get helicoptered to a five-star hospital to get the world’s very best treatment. No bills to pay, no questions asked”.
Trump told the cheering crowd he was one of them. “Just like thousands of ordinary Americans, I’ve been rushed past emergency room waiting lines directly to a private room.
“And just like you, I’ve experienced that awful moment when the doctor says that, before beginning treatment, he’ll need to check what meal you’d like once you’re well enough to eat again. It’s very, very hard, but I’ve done it. That’s what makes us American”.


theshovel--2020-10-14--Criminals Have Started Using The COVIDSafe App, To Ensure They’ll Never Be Traced By Authorities

Crime syndicates have begun using the Federal Government ’ s COVIDSafe app to guarantee they will never be tracked down by authorities , it has been revealed .
One criminal insider , who did not wish to be named , said the app was the perfect way to slip through the cracks .
“ We ’ ve told everyone that if they download it to their phones and keep it on at all times there ’ s no way the government can trace us , ” the source said .
“ If we ’ re all using it , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the authorities will have nothing on us .
They won ’ t be able to track down any of our contacts either .
“ A mate of mine was questioned by police the other day , and because he had been using the app they had no idea that he had close connections with an extensive network of criminal operators ” .
He said the app was a godsend for groups trying to avoid attention .
“ We ’ ve spent years trying to come up with a way to become undetectable @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that it would be the government that came up with a way for us to do it ” .
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Crime syndicates have begun using the Federal Government’s COVIDSafe app to guarantee they will never be tracked down by authorities, it has been revealed.
One criminal insider, who did not wish to be named, said the app was the perfect way to slip through the cracks.
“We’ve told everyone that if they download it to their phones and keep it on at all times there’s no way the government can trace us,” the source said.
“If we’re all using it, and installing the updates when they become available, the authorities will have nothing on us. They won’t be able to track down any of our contacts either.
“A mate of mine was questioned by police the other day, and because he had been using the app they had no idea that he had close connections with an extensive network of criminal operators”.
He said the app was a godsend for groups trying to avoid attention. “We’ve spent years trying to come up with a way to become undetectable. I never would’ve picked that it would be the government that came up with a way for us to do it”.


theshovel--2020-10-15--Man Lines Up For 11 Hours For Chance To Vote In Greatest Democracy On Earth

A man has taken a day off work to stand in a voting line for eleven hours so he can take part in what is undisputedly the world ’ s greatest democracy .
Virginia man Derek Clayson said there was no other democracy in the world like it .
“ I woke up a 5am this morning , got in my car , drove 18 miles to the nearest voting booth because unfortunately they ’ ve removed all the ones near where I live , stood in line until 7pm then voted using a hole punch .
You can ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he said .
Georgia voter Barbara Write agreed .
“ The great thing about our democracy is that absolutely everyone who has a secure enough job to be able to take time off work and is physically able to stand up all day gets to have their say .
Everyone .
What a democracy !
” She said other countries paled by comparison .
“ In other countries they only get to spend five or ten minutes voting – they ’ re not engaged in the process at all ” .
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A man has taken a day off work to stand in a voting line for eleven hours so he can take part in what is undisputedly the world’s greatest democracy.
Virginia man Derek Clayson said there was no other democracy in the world like it. “I woke up a 5am this morning, got in my car, drove 18 miles to the nearest voting booth because unfortunately they’ve removed all the ones near where I live, stood in line until 7pm then voted using a hole punch. You can’t do that in Europe,” he said.
Georgia voter Barbara Write agreed. “The great thing about our democracy is that absolutely everyone who has a secure enough job to be able to take time off work and is physically able to stand up all day gets to have their say. Everyone. What a democracy!”
She said other countries paled by comparison. “In other countries they only get to spend five or ten minutes voting – they’re not engaged in the process at all”.