thoughtcatalog--2020-11-09--200+ Happy Birthday Dad Wishes and Messages to Send on His Special Day

Your dad ’ s birthday is a big deal , so you should celebrate it .
Even though you might not be used to acting mushy and sentimental around him , your father deserves a sweet , thoughtful happy birthday message .
Here are some of the best happy birthday messages to write in a happy birthday card or send him in a text message : 1 .
Happy birthday , dad .
I hope you feel loved on this special day .
2 .
I love you , dad .
You ’ ve always given me such great advice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ me : Have a wonderful day !
3 .
You ’ re an amazing dad .
You make it easier to survive in this crazy world .
4 .
Put up your feet and take the day off .
You deserve to do absolutely nothing today .
5 .
Thank you for giving me so much cake over the years , but now it ’ s your turn to be spoiled !
6 .
Don ’ t worry , daddy .
No matter how old you get , I ’ ll always be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is your special day , so don ’ t let it go to waste .
It ’ s time to party !
8 .
I hope you have a wonderful birthday .
I hope you don ’ t stress about a single thing today .
9 .
Daddy , your little girl isn ’ t going anywhere .
I ’ ll always be a phone call away .
10 .
You ’ ve created such a big , happy family .
I ’ m so lucky to call you my father .
11 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You better take off from work and celebrate this special milestone !
12 .
You ’ re the perfect dad .
I couldn ’ t ask for a better friend or role model .
13 .
Don ’ t forget to make a birthday wish when you blow out the candles .
14 .
You must already know you ’ re an amazing father because you raised such an amazing daughter .
15 .
Happy birthday dad .
Your unconditional love means the world to me .
16 .
Make sure you blow @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
I know there are a lot of them now .
17 .
My birthday wish for you is that you realize how much your family loves and appreciates you .
18 .
Dad , thank you for showing me what a real man is supposed to look like .
19 .
Happy birthday father .
You might be getting old now , but you still act like a child at heart .
20 .
Happy birthday daddy .
You deserve a huge slice of cake and a nice cold beer .
21 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who is all grown up now .
22 .
You ’ re the most wonderful father .
You ’ ve set such a great example for everyone around you , including me .
23 .
A great father always puts his daughter first .
Thank you for always thinking of me , dad .
24 .
I wish you all the luck in the world .
I hope this year is the best you ’ ve ever experienced .
25 .
I hope your birthday party makes you feel young , wild , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ birthday , dad .
I can ’ t thank you and mom enough for raising me .
27 .
You ’ re an awesome dad .
Never forget how much you mean to me .
28 .
I hope you have a great birthday — and a great year to come .
29 .
I wish you would take a break for once .
You deserve to relax , especially today !
30 .
Dad , thank you for showing me how a smart , mature , respectful man treats a woman .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ his birthday : I hope this year brings you all the love and joy you ’ ve ever wanted .
32 .
Happy birthday father .
You were the greatest role model for me growing up and that ’ s never changed .
33 .
I ’ m so lucky to have such a wonderful dad .
Thank you for always being there for me .
34 .
Anyone can be a father — but it takes someone special to be a great dad .
36 .
You ’ ve made plenty of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ perfect father , but you ’ re a loving father .
I couldn ’ t ask for anything more .
37 .
Pst .
I got you an even better birthday present than mom did .
Just don ’ t tell her that !
38 .
I hope you have the best day !
Many happy returns !
39 .
You ’ re my hero .
Thank you for everything you ’ ve done for me over the decades .
40 .
Thank you for kissing my heartaches away .
Love you , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sacrificing so much for me over the years .
Happy birthday !
42 .
I don ’ t say this often enough but you ’ re such a wonderful father .
43 .
Happy birthday to the man who has my back today , tomorrow , and the next day .
44 .
You deserve good food , good drinks , and good cake .
Don ’ t settle for less !
45 .
You ’ re the hardest working person I ’ ve ever met .
You deserve all the great things @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 46 .
Thank you for showing me achieving my dreams is possible .
You ’ re the best role model .
47 .
Thank you for being so patient when I make mistakes and for helping me out of bad situations .
49 .
I ’ m as lucky as can be because the greatest dad belongs to me .
50 .
Dad , thanks for being the best friend I could ever have .
Happy birthday to you !
51 .
You have proven to me that good men exist .
Thank @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
52 .
I love you , pop , and that love only grows more as we both age .
53 .
Your daughter is thinking of you today .
And every other day .
54 .
I ’ ve always looked up to you .
I ’ ve always wanted to be as kind and loving as you are .
55 .
I can ’ t wait to marry someone who treats me as well as you treat mom .
56 .
Despite how tall I ’ ve grown , I will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Dad , you are my compass .
Thanks for always showing me the right path and for guiding me in the right direction .
58 .
Great fathers deserve great birthdays !
Wishing you the best .
59 .
Every year , you make my life better and better .
Thank you , dad !
60 .
Thank you for fighting the monsters under my bed as a child .
You ’ ve always made me feel safe .
61 .
I wasn ’ t a great kid , but that didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great father .
62 .
Getting older isn ’ t easy , but you ’ re handling it with so much dignity and grace .
63 .
I love seeing you smile .
You better be doing a lot of that today !
64 .
I wouldn ’ t be the woman I am today without you .
Thank you for raising me right .
65 .
When I ’ m older , I hope I age half as well as you have .
66 .
I would be lost without you .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ me , dad .
67 .
I don ’ t need superheroes when I have you .
68 .
Whenever you ’ re feeling low , remember your children think the world of you .
69 .
You hold our family together .
You help us stay strong .
70 .
You ’ re an amazing father and an even more amazing human .
Birthday quotes and birthday poems for your dad : 71 .
“ Count your age by friends , not years .
Count your life by smiles , not tears.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Today is the oldest you have been , and the youngest you will ever be .
Make the most of it !
” – Nicky Gumbel 73 .
“ Birthdays are nature ’ s way of telling us to eat more cake.
” – Edward Morykwas 74 .
“ You know you ’ re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
” — Bob Hope 75 .
“ As you get older , three things happen : The first is your memory goes , and I can ’ t remember @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 76 .
“ A birthday is not a day to fear .
It is a day to celebrate and look forward to the coming year.
” —Byron Pulsifer 77 .
“ Your age isn ’ t you .
Use today to feel your best , celebrate and be your very happiest.
” — M. Rivers 78 .
“ The older you get the better you get , unless you are a banana.
” – Betty White 79 .
“ You know you ’ re getting old when you get that one candle on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ‘ See if you can blow this out.
’ ” — Jerry Seinfeld 80 .
“ Every birthday is a gift .
Every day is a gift.
” — Aretha Franklin 81 .
“ You are only young once , but you can be immature for a lifetime.
” – Germaine Greer 82 .
“ Don ’ t regret another birthday , the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.
” – Catherine Pulsifer 83 .
“ And in the end , it ’ s not the years @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s the life in your years.
” — Abraham Lincoln 84 .
“ Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity .
Sure , it makes things sag as you get older , but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room , so you don ’ t have to chase it.
” – Greg Tamblyn 85 .
“ Today you have added another candle of knowledge and wisdom to your life .
May it give you the power to enlighten the whole world .
On your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ happiness.
” – Debasish Mridha 86 .
“ The secret of staying young is to live honestly , eat slowly , and lie about your age.
” — Lucille Ball 87 .
“ The first hundred years are the hardest.
” — Wilson Mizner 88 .
“ You don ’ t get older , you get better.
” — Shirley Bassey 89 .
“ Cherish all your happy moments ; they make a fine cushion for old age.
” — Booth Tarkington 90 .
“ Your birthday is the beginning of your own @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was a beginning , and each new birthday is a chance to begin again , to start over , to take a new grip on life.
” — Wilfred Peterson 91 .
What do you always get on your birthday ?
Another year older !
92 .
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party ?
You can have your cake and eat it too .
93 .
How do you know you ’ re getting old ?
When you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ on his 80th birthday ?
Aye Matey .
95 .
What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy ?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years .
96 .
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday ?
Because people kept toasting him !
97 .
What does a clam do on his birthday ?
He shellabrates !
98 .
What do you get a hunter for his birthday ?
A birthday pheasant .
99 .
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock ?
Because it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a pink candle burn longer than a blue one ?
No , they both burn shorter !
101 .
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven ?
Angel food cake .
102 .
Why are birthdays good for you ?
Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest !
103 .
How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday ?
He had a whale of a time .
104 .
What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover ?
Choco-latte .
105 .
What @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was offered some birthday cake ?
No thanks , I ’ m stuffed .
106 .
Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist ?
Because it was feeling crumby .
107 .
What did the elephant want for his birthday ?
A trunk full of gifts .
108 .
Did you hear about the tree ’ s birthday ?
It was a sappy one !
109 .
What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer ?
An I scream cake 110 .
Why do we put candles on the top of birthday @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hard to put them on the bottom !
Birthday reminders to send your dad on his 60th birthday : 111 .
Happy 60th birthday .
You might be older , but you ’ re also wiser , so make sure you celebrate !
112 .
You ’ ve done more in 6o years than some men do in a lifetime .
113 .
Happy birthday .
You don ’ t look a day over 59 .
114 .
You ’ re still young .
It ’ s only your thirtieth birthday .
Times @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 60 , so your birthday suit might need ironing .
116 .
Congratulations on getting so old !
You can start yelling at kids to get off your lawn now .
117 .
I would never guess you ’ re so old from looking at you .
Your big heart is keeping you young .
118 .
You ’ ve survived 60 years .
That deserves at least a few beers !
119 .
You ’ re too old to care about how old you are .
Be happy you ’ re here @ @ @ @ @ @ @ know how to party all these years later .
122 .
You ’ re 60 , which means you ’ re very experienced now .
123 .
60 is the new sexy .
At least that ’ s what mom told me .
125 .
Every wrinkle tells a story , so you must have a lot to say !
126 .
I hope this is the best decade of your life .
I hope you enjoy it while it lasts .
127 .
You make 60 look like so much fun .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ you , old man .
129 .
You might be over the hill , but you ’ re still the strongest person I know .
130 .
There are good dads .
There are great dads .
And then there ’ s you .
131 .
Forget about the past , you can ’ t change it .
Forget about the future , you can ’ t predict it .
Forget about the present , I didn ’ t get you one .
132 .
I probably shouldn ’ t wait until father @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tell you this , but you ’ re my favorite human .
133 .
It can ’ t be easy being my father , but you make it look easy .
135 .
You don ’ t look that old — but you don ’ t look that young , either .
136 .
Your youth is gone and so is your hair , but I ’ m still here !
137 .
I hope your birthday is just like you .
Completely awesome .
138 .
Like wine , you only get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is thicker than water .
But birthday cake is sweeter than both .
140 .
You ’ re getting older , but I ’ ll always be younger than you , so hurray for me .
141 .
You ’ re a year older , but your birthday party is the day to act ten years younger .
142 .
I didn ’ t get you an actual birthday gift this year , but being my dad should be the best present in the world .
143 .
Dad , your birthday gift @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pay for my wedding .
144 .
Happy birthday , Dad !
Thanks for the genes that gave me these gorgeous looks .
145 .
Some people never grow up .
You ’ re one of those people .
Ask mom if you don ’ t believe me .
146 .
Another year older and another ache in your body !
147 .
Your hair looks great .
It ’ s gray , but it ’ s great !
149 .
Your gift box might be small but the love put into it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I can ’ t fit enough candles onto your cake .
You ’ re too old !
151 .
You might forget some things in your old age , but you should never forget how much I love you .
152 .
You ’ re not going bald , you ’ re just becoming more aerodynamic !
154 .
I know you ’ re getting old , but please don ’ t start wearing sandals with socks .
155 .
I hope your golfing actually improves this year .
156 .
You ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ ll always expect you to bail me out of trouble , so look forward to that .
157 .
You fill my life with joy .
Now , you should fill your stomach with cake and beer .
158 .
Those # 1 Dad mugs are lying .
You ’ re the best , better than all the rest .
159 .
I ’ m as bad at expressing my feelings as you , so let ’ s keep this short and sweet .
I love you .
160 .
Wear @ @ @ @ @ @ @ re rocking the look .
161 .
Having you as a dad never gets old .
But you certainly do !
162 .
Happy birthday to my second favorite parent .
164 .
I hope you have an amazing birthday — but you better be home by midnight .
165 .
Happy birthday to the man who has bailed me out of trouble ( and prison ) more times than I can count .
166 .
Don ’ t worry .
I ’ m not in trouble again .
I ’ m just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
167 .
If raising a brat like me didn ’ t kill you , then nothing will .
168 .
Happy birthday to the man who always gives me guidance .
And money .
169 .
You better stick around for many more years , because I ’ m going to need your help for a long , long time .
170 .
You have a dad bod now , but I ’ m pretty sure mom likes it .
171 .
You ’ re aging like fine wine , even though @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Now that you ’ re this old , you can ’ t blame me for your gray hairs anymore .
173 .
Dad , you would have loved the gift I didn ’ t bother getting you .
174 .
You ’ re old enough to know better but young enough to still do it .
Happy birthday , pop .
175 .
Just imagine the things you ’ d want to hear on your birthday… and pretend I said them .
Happy birthday , daddy !
Messages to send when you won @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his birthday : 176 .
I can ’ t hug you right now , but I can send you birthday memes all day long .
177 .
You deserve a virtual hug and kiss .
I ’ m giving them to you right now !
178 .
I wish I could see you today , but since we ’ re apart , have an extra drink in my honor .
179 .
I would never miss your birthday .
Even though I ’ m not physically there , I ’ m there in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is your birthday , the one day you get to be selfish .
But I ’ m selfishly wishing you were here with me .
181 .
I mailed you a present , but it doesn ’ t compare to the present you ’ ve given me .
Your unconditional love .
182 .
Even from miles away , you ’ re the most amazing father .
You always make me feel loved .
183 .
I miss living under the same roof as you , but I have my own place now @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on my own .
Thank you for that .
184 .
I can feel your love from afar — and I hope you feel the same way .
I love you , dad .
185 .
I ’ m always going to be your little girl , even when we ’ re in separate parts of the world .
186 .
If you listen closely , you might be able to hear me singing happy birthday .
187 .
I can ’ t see you today but there better be a smile on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t afford a plane ticket to see you , but I can afford to send you this card .
I hope you like it !
189 .
I ’ m sorry about missing your birthday , but you better not miss mine !
190 .
I hate being so far apart from you on this special day , but we ’ ll be together again soon .
I promise .
191 .
I ’ m going to give you an extra-large bear hug the next time we see each other , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s hard to express what you mean to me , especially over text , but I hope you get the hint .
I love you , dad .
193 .
You better save an extra slice of cake for me !
Or eat it !
I won ’ t know the difference .
194 .
I can ’ t hug you tight today , but I can tell you how much I love you .
Spoiler alert : It ’ s a lot .
195 .
You can ’ t see me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ doing a happy birthday dance for you .
196 .
Don ’ t miss your darling daughter too much today !
197 .
Happy birthday , dad .
You deserve the world .
Or at least a fat slice of cake .
198 .
I told mom to give you an extra hug from me .
Make sure she follows through !
199 .
You ’ re miles away , but you ’ re always on my mind .
Love you , daddy .
200 .
I owe you so much .
Thank @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this universe .

Your dad’s birthday is a big deal, so you should celebrate it. Even though you might not be used to acting mushy and sentimental around him, your father deserves a sweet, thoughtful happy birthday message. Here are some of the best happy birthday messages to write in a happy birthday card or send him in a text message:
Sweet happy birthday messages for a birthday card:
1. Happy birthday, dad. I hope you feel loved on this special day.
2. I love you, dad. You’ve always given me such great advice, so here’s some from me: Have a wonderful day!
3. You’re an amazing dad. You make it easier to survive in this crazy world.
4. Put up your feet and take the day off. You deserve to do absolutely nothing today.
5. Thank you for giving me so much cake over the years, but now it’s your turn to be spoiled!
6. Don’t worry, daddy. No matter how old you get, I’ll always be your little girl.
7. Today is your special day, so don’t let it go to waste. It’s time to party!
8. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I hope you don’t stress about a single thing today.
9. Daddy, your little girl isn’t going anywhere. I’ll always be a phone call away.
10. You’ve created such a big, happy family. I’m so lucky to call you my father.
11. Today is the big day. You better take off from work and celebrate this special milestone!
12. You’re the perfect dad. I couldn’t ask for a better friend or role model.
13. Don’t forget to make a birthday wish when you blow out the candles.
14. You must already know you’re an amazing father because you raised such an amazing daughter.
15. Happy birthday dad. Your unconditional love means the world to me.
16. Make sure you blow out every candle on your birthday cake. I know there are a lot of them now.
17. My birthday wish for you is that you realize how much your family loves and appreciates you.
18. Dad, thank you for showing me what a real man is supposed to look like.
19. Happy birthday father. You might be getting old now, but you still act like a child at heart.
20. Happy birthday daddy. You deserve a huge slice of cake and a nice cold beer.
21. Happy birthday from your little girl who is all grown up now.
22. You’re the most wonderful father. You’ve set such a great example for everyone around you, including me.
23. A great father always puts his daughter first. Thank you for always thinking of me, dad.
24. I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope this year is the best you’ve ever experienced.
25. I hope your birthday party makes you feel young, wild, and free again.
26. Happy birthday, dad. I can’t thank you and mom enough for raising me.
27. You’re an awesome dad. Never forget how much you mean to me.
28. I hope you have a great birthday — and a great year to come.
29. I wish you would take a break for once. You deserve to relax, especially today!
30. Dad, thank you for showing me how a smart, mature, respectful man treats a woman.
31. To my beloved dad on his birthday: I hope this year brings you all the love and joy you’ve ever wanted.
32. Happy birthday father. You were the greatest role model for me growing up and that’s never changed.
33. I’m so lucky to have such a wonderful dad. Thank you for always being there for me.
34. Anyone can be a father — but it takes someone special to be a great dad.
35. Happy birthday daddy. Enjoy your big day.
36. You’ve made plenty of mistakes. You’re not a perfect father, but you’re a loving father. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
37. Pst. I got you an even better birthday present than mom did. Just don’t tell her that!
38. I hope you have the best day! Many happy returns!
39. You’re my hero. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me over the decades.
40. Thank you for kissing my heartaches away. Love you, dad.
41. Thank you for sacrificing so much for me over the years. Happy birthday!
42. I don’t say this often enough but you’re such a wonderful father.
43. Happy birthday to the man who has my back today, tomorrow, and the next day.
44. You deserve good food, good drinks, and good cake. Don’t settle for less!
45. You’re the hardest working person I’ve ever met. You deserve all the great things in your life — and more.
46. Thank you for showing me achieving my dreams is possible. You’re the best role model.
47. Thank you for being so patient when I make mistakes and for helping me out of bad situations.
48. I hope your wildest dreams come true today.
49. I’m as lucky as can be because the greatest dad belongs to me.
50. Dad, thanks for being the best friend I could ever have. Happy birthday to you!
51. You have proven to me that good men exist. Thank you for setting the bar so high.
52. I love you, pop, and that love only grows more as we both age.
53. Your daughter is thinking of you today. And every other day.
54. I’ve always looked up to you. I’ve always wanted to be as kind and loving as you are.
55. I can’t wait to marry someone who treats me as well as you treat mom.
56. Despite how tall I’ve grown, I will forever look up to you.
57. Dad, you are my compass. Thanks for always showing me the right path and for guiding me in the right direction.
58. Great fathers deserve great birthdays! Wishing you the best.
59. Every year, you make my life better and better. Thank you, dad!
60. Thank you for fighting the monsters under my bed as a child. You’ve always made me feel safe.
61. I wasn’t a great kid, but that didn’t stop you from being a great father.
62. Getting older isn’t easy, but you’re handling it with so much dignity and grace.
63. I love seeing you smile. You better be doing a lot of that today!
64. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without you. Thank you for raising me right.
65. When I’m older, I hope I age half as well as you have.
66. I would be lost without you. Thank you for always being there for me, dad.
67. I don’t need superheroes when I have you.
68. Whenever you’re feeling low, remember your children think the world of you.
69. You hold our family together. You help us stay strong.
70. You’re an amazing father and an even more amazing human.
Birthday quotes and birthday poems for your dad:
71. “Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” — John Lennon
72. “Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” – Nicky Gumbel
73. “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” – Edward Morykwas
74. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
75. “As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Norman Wisdom
76. “A birthday is not a day to fear. It is a day to celebrate and look forward to the coming year.” —Byron Pulsifer
77. “Your age isn’t you. Use today to feel your best, celebrate and be your very happiest.” — M. Rivers
78. “The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.” – Betty White
79. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’” — Jerry Seinfeld
80. “Every birthday is a gift. Every day is a gift.” — Aretha Franklin
81. “You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.” – Germaine Greer
82. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” – Catherine Pulsifer
83. “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” — Abraham Lincoln
84. “Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.” – Greg Tamblyn
85. “Today you have added another candle of knowledge and wisdom to your life. May it give you the power to enlighten the whole world. On your birthday, I wish you joy and happiness.” – Debasish Mridha
86. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
87. “The first hundred years are the hardest.” — Wilson Mizner
88. “You don’t get older, you get better.” — Shirley Bassey
89. “Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” — Booth Tarkington
90. “Your birthday is the beginning of your own personal new year. Your first birthday was a beginning, and each new birthday is a chance to begin again, to start over, to take a new grip on life.” — Wilfred Peterson
Dad jokes to write in a funny birthday card:
91. What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!
92. What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
93. How do you know you’re getting old? When you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
94. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey.
95. What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy? They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
96. Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!
97. What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!
98. What do you get a hunter for his birthday? A birthday pheasant.
99. Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
100. Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? No, they both burn shorter!
101. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake.
102. Why are birthdays good for you? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!
103. How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He had a whale of a time.
104. What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover? Choco-latte.
105. What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? No thanks, I’m stuffed.
106. Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist? Because it was feeling crumby.
107. What did the elephant want for his birthday? A trunk full of gifts.
108. Did you hear about the tree’s birthday? It was a sappy one!
109. What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer? An I scream cake
110. Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Birthday reminders to send your dad on his 60th birthday:
111. Happy 60th birthday. You might be older, but you’re also wiser, so make sure you celebrate!
112. You’ve done more in 6o years than some men do in a lifetime.
113. Happy birthday. You don’t look a day over 59.
114. You’re still young. It’s only your thirtieth birthday. Times two!
115. You’re 60, so your birthday suit might need ironing.
116. Congratulations on getting so old! You can start yelling at kids to get off your lawn now.
117. I would never guess you’re so old from looking at you. Your big heart is keeping you young.
118. You’ve survived 60 years. That deserves at least a few beers!
119. You’re too old to care about how old you are. Be happy you’re here at all!
120. I’m wishing you a fun and carefree 60th birthday.
121. You still know how to party all these years later.
122. You’re 60, which means you’re very experienced now.
123. 60 is the new sexy. At least that’s what mom told me.
124. Happy birthday to my favorite 60-year-old.
125. Every wrinkle tells a story, so you must have a lot to say!
126. I hope this is the best decade of your life. I hope you enjoy it while it lasts.
127. You make 60 look like so much fun.
128. The wrinkles look good on you, old man.
129. You might be over the hill, but you’re still the strongest person I know.
130. There are good dads. There are great dads. And then there’s you.
Funny birthday messages to make your father laugh:
131. Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
132. I probably shouldn’t wait until father’s day or your birthday to tell you this, but you’re my favorite human.
133. It can’t be easy being my father, but you make it look easy.
134. You’re not old. You’re vintage.
135. You don’t look that old — but you don’t look that young, either.
136. Your youth is gone and so is your hair, but I’m still here!
137. I hope your birthday is just like you. Completely awesome.
138. Like wine, you only get better with age.
139. Blood is thicker than water. But birthday cake is sweeter than both.
140. You’re getting older, but I’ll always be younger than you, so hurray for me.
141. You’re a year older, but your birthday party is the day to act ten years younger.
142. I didn’t get you an actual birthday gift this year, but being my dad should be the best present in the world.
143. Dad, your birthday gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding.
144. Happy birthday, Dad! Thanks for the genes that gave me these gorgeous looks.
145. Some people never grow up. You’re one of those people. Ask mom if you don’t believe me.
146. Another year older and another ache in your body!
147. Your hair looks great. It’s gray, but it’s great!
148. Real heroes don’t wear capes. They make dad puns.
149. Your gift box might be small but the love put into it is huge.
150. Unfortunately, I can’t fit enough candles onto your cake. You’re too old!
151. You might forget some things in your old age, but you should never forget how much I love you.
152. You’re not going bald, you’re just becoming more aerodynamic!
153. The years don’t matter. The beers matter.
154. I know you’re getting old, but please don’t start wearing sandals with socks.
155. I hope your golfing actually improves this year.
156. You’ll always be my emergency contact. I’ll always expect you to bail me out of trouble, so look forward to that.
157. You fill my life with joy. Now, you should fill your stomach with cake and beer.
158. Those #1 Dad mugs are lying. You’re the best, better than all the rest.
159. I’m as bad at expressing my feelings as you, so let’s keep this short and sweet. I love you.
160. Wear your gray hairs proudly! You’re rocking the look.
161. Having you as a dad never gets old. But you certainly do!
162. Happy birthday to my second favorite parent.
163. Happy birthday from your greatest accomplishment.
164. I hope you have an amazing birthday — but you better be home by midnight.
165. Happy birthday to the man who has bailed me out of trouble (and prison) more times than I can count.
166. Don’t worry. I’m not in trouble again. I’m just texting to wish you a happy birthday.
167. If raising a brat like me didn’t kill you, then nothing will.
168. Happy birthday to the man who always gives me guidance. And money.
169. You better stick around for many more years, because I’m going to need your help for a long, long time.
170. You have a dad bod now, but I’m pretty sure mom likes it.
171. You’re aging like fine wine, even though you smell like bourbon.
172. Now that you’re this old, you can’t blame me for your gray hairs anymore.
173. Dad, you would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
174. You’re old enough to know better but young enough to still do it. Happy birthday, pop.
175. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday… and pretend I said them. Happy birthday, daddy!
Messages to send when you won’t get to see him on his birthday:
176. I can’t hug you right now, but I can send you birthday memes all day long.
177. You deserve a virtual hug and kiss. I’m giving them to you right now!
178. I wish I could see you today, but since we’re apart, have an extra drink in my honor.
179. I would never miss your birthday. Even though I’m not physically there, I’m there in spirit.
180. Dad, today is your birthday, the one day you get to be selfish. But I’m selfishly wishing you were here with me.
181. I mailed you a present, but it doesn’t compare to the present you’ve given me. Your unconditional love.
182. Even from miles away, you’re the most amazing father. You always make me feel loved.
183. I miss living under the same roof as you, but I have my own place now because you taught me how to survive on my own. Thank you for that.
184. I can feel your love from afar — and I hope you feel the same way. I love you, dad.
185. I’m always going to be your little girl, even when we’re in separate parts of the world.
186. If you listen closely, you might be able to hear me singing happy birthday.
187. I can’t see you today but there better be a smile on your face anyway.
188. I can’t afford a plane ticket to see you, but I can afford to send you this card. I hope you like it!
189. I’m sorry about missing your birthday, but you better not miss mine!
190. I hate being so far apart from you on this special day, but we’ll be together again soon. I promise.
191. I’m going to give you an extra-large bear hug the next time we see each other, so get ready.
192. It’s hard to express what you mean to me, especially over text, but I hope you get the hint. I love you, dad.
193. You better save an extra slice of cake for me! Or eat it! I won’t know the difference.
194. I can’t hug you tight today, but I can tell you how much I love you. Spoiler alert: It’s a lot.
195. You can’t see me right now, but I’m doing a happy birthday dance for you.
196. Don’t miss your darling daughter too much today!
197. Happy birthday, dad. You deserve the world. Or at least a fat slice of cake.
198. I told mom to give you an extra hug from me. Make sure she follows through!
199. You’re miles away, but you’re always on my mind. Love you, daddy.
200. I owe you so much. Thank you for being the best dad in this universe.


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-09--Chris Watts Is Prison BFFs With Jayme Closs’ Kidnapper

Family murderer and ladies man Chris Watts has found a new BFF in prison .
Chris Watts is the man convicted of murdering his pregnant wife Shanann Watts along with their two little girls Bella and Celeste .
He confessed to his crimes and even wrote a disturbing letter explaining why he annihilated his family .
He has been told he will “ never ” leave prison .
There , Watts finally met someone who understands how misunderstood he is ( at least , according to Watts himself ) .
Jake Thomas Patterson is a Wisconsin man who broke into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ night in rural Wisconsin wearing a black coat and a ski mask .
He fatally shot the couple inside and abducted their 13-year-old daughter , Jayme Closs .
He had previously seen her getting off the school bus and developed an obsession with her .
For the next 88 days Patterson kept Jayme hidden under his twin bed and beat her when she didn ’ t follow orders .
Eventually Jayme Closs got the courage to run away from his cabin and found a neighbor who called the police .
Patterson was convicted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the possibility of parole .
He has previously said that he “ fantasized about kidnapping hundreds of girls and shooting their parents.
” Now that Chris Watts and Jake Patterson are both riding out their days at Dodge Correctional Center in Wisconsin , the two have become “ close friends ” .
Sounds like a match made in hell , right ?
John Glatt , a biographer working with Chris Watts to write a book about him says the two became friends in Bible study .
They eventually had adjacent cells and apparently @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ( this is according to Chris Watt ’ s mother , so who knows ) .
The two looked out for each other and Watts counseled Peterson to learn to control his temper .
🙄 However , even inside prison these two are mostly hated by everyone and Patterson was recently moved to a prison in New Mexico due to safety concerns .
Patterson has come up with a story about meeting a 17-year-old girl online and being duped and “ tricked ” into committing crimes that he tries to tell the other @ @ @ @ @ @ @ broke out when one fellow inmate learned the truth about what Patterson did : Patterson and Watts keep in touch though they are now in different prisons .

Family murderer and ladies man Chris Watts has found a new BFF in prison.
Chris Watts is the man convicted of murdering his pregnant wife Shanann Watts along with their two little girls Bella and Celeste. He confessed to his crimes and even wrote a disturbing letter explaining why he annihilated his family. He has been told he will “never” leave prison. There, Watts finally met someone who understands how misunderstood he is (at least, according to Watts himself).
Jake Thomas Patterson is a Wisconsin man who broke into a home in the middle of the night in rural Wisconsin wearing a black coat and a ski mask. He fatally shot the couple inside and abducted their 13-year-old daughter, Jayme Closs. He had previously seen her getting off the school bus and developed an obsession with her. For the next 88 days Patterson kept Jayme hidden under his twin bed and beat her when she didn’t follow orders. Eventually Jayme Closs got the courage to run away from his cabin and found a neighbor who called the police. Patterson was convicted and sentences to two life sentences without the possibility of parole. He has previously said that he “fantasized about kidnapping hundreds of girls and shooting their parents.”
Now that Chris Watts and Jake Patterson are both riding out their days at Dodge Correctional Center in Wisconsin, the two have become “close friends”.
Sounds like a match made in hell, right?
John Glatt, a biographer working with Chris Watts to write a book about him says the two became friends in Bible study. They eventually had adjacent cells and apparently spent hours each night discussing Bible verses (this is according to Chris Watt’s mother, so who knows). The two looked out for each other and Watts counseled Peterson to learn to control his temper. 🙄
However, even inside prison these two are mostly hated by everyone and Patterson was recently moved to a prison in New Mexico due to safety concerns. Patterson has come up with a story about meeting a 17-year-old girl online and being duped and “tricked” into committing crimes that he tries to tell the other prisoners. Here is the fight that broke out when one fellow inmate learned the truth about what Patterson did:
Patterson and Watts keep in touch though they are now in different prisons.


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-09--17 Creepy Theories About Aliens You Might Not Have Considered

They could be breeding us “ Aliens could do to us what we did to wolves , selectively breeding a once noble species in grotesque ways , transforming us into the equivalent of bulldogs , poodles , dacshunds , etc.
” — flipester They wouldn ’ t even notice if they destroyed us completely “ One theory is that if they are sufficiently advanced that aliens may treat us like ants .
When we build dams , we don ’ t worry about whether or not a dam will cause an ant hill to be flooded out .
Similarly , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beyond us as we are beyond ants might seek to alter our planet or even our solar system to their advantage without giving consideration to what may happen to us.
” — Victor_HardApple It would be safer for them to get rid of us “ This reminds me of the Dark Forest Theory .
Like hunters in a “ dark forest ” , a civilization can never be certain of an alien civilization ’ s true intentions .
In summary : ~There is no way to know if other lifeforms can or will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ~Lacking assurances , the safest option for any species is to annihilate other life forms before they have a chance to do the same.
” — 2020Chapter It could just be another pandemic “ For all we know , aliens might not be the ‘ little green men ’ that fly around in flying saucers and destroy us with laser beams – they could be an interstellar pathogen that show up one day and silently and effortlessly kills us all without warning .
Our immune systems would have no idea what hit them.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ of morality and empathy are heavily influenced by our mammalian biology .
Imagine that aliens land , and instead of having nice little family units their species lays clutches of thousands of eggs at a time .
They don ’ t form strong bonds .
Life is essentially expendable for them .
They see us weeping over a dead child and they have literally no frame of reference for understanding why this would be upsetting .
I ’ m not saying all aliens will be like this ; but some definitely could be.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ really is valuable information to be gained from anal probes ?
” — HarlanCedeno The monsters could be us “ What if it ends up the other way around ?
What if we end up being able to travel between the stars , and we find some aliens that aren ’ t as technologically advanced as we are ?
I could easily see us being imperialist invaders , committing the atrocities we ’ ve committed against each other on an entire species so we could have a second planet with an oxygen atmosphere @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would be truly horrifying.
” — Victor_HardApple They may not care about us at all “ The scariest thing to me is thinking that aliens want nothing to do with us .
I don ’ t get why everyone thinks that aliens would attack us immediately .
It ’ s one thing if we come into their territory , but if they stumble upon us we ’ re most likely safe .
Them finding us would mean they are incredibly advanced .
Anything they could get by attacking earth they could get far @ @ @ @ @ @ @ planet in our solar system .
Unless they feed specifically on brainwaves , it isn ’ t worth the hassle to attack a planet teeming with life they may have some weapons , however primitive , that might be used against you .
It ’ s far more frightening to believe that aliens have/will one day discover us and won ’ t be interested , They won ’ t want us on their intergalactic counsels , they won ’ t want to give us medicine , they won ’ t want to form @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just leave humanity alone , that means either they have decided we are not worth saving , or that we are too close to destruction to be worth the resources.
” — BombsNBeer They ’ re vaccinating themselves against us “ Maybe all these supposed alien abductions and UFOs over the past 100 years have been alien scientists building vaccinations against our known diseases for themselves and adapting their own medical immunities for humans too – monitoring our progress against our own diseases so when both civilizations are on top of it we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ safely.
” — [ deleted ] We won ’ t even see them coming “ That one day they will just wipe out our planet without us ever knowing why and that it will be so fast we don ’ t even realize it.
” — Jenova66 What it means for us if aliens aren ’ t real “ That they don ’ t actually exist .
If there were no advanced civilization that can colonize other planets , that would mean that most of them go extinct before they reach that level @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we are probably doomed to extinction too.
” — bullet-cat We ’ d be livestock to them “ Maybe they treat us like we treat pigs , cows and chickens.
” — HansMustermann They may not poop “ They might not have orifices for eating or pooping .
Hear me out .
Almost all life on earth is topologically equivalent to a donut .
Meaning we have an outside wall and an inside wall ( digestive and respiratory track ) that runs like a hole through us , and our important bits are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the only examples of life that isn ’ t like that would be for example single-celled organisms , amoebas and such , which just kind of ooze over whatever they acquire sustenance from and osmos it into themselves .
Currently on earth only micro organisms are like that ( edit : also some weird ocean creatures ) .
But there are fossils dating from before the Cambrian explosion from millions of years ago which hint that a completely different type of large and complex organisms might have evolved to walk the earth before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an asteroid or the like .
One of the oldest of these rare fossils is of a zero-orificed creature that was about a meter long !
We don ’ t have a lot of info from life during that age but it indicates there may have been an entire evolutionary track of complex life forms favoring life that is topologically equivalent to ball instead of donut .
And that ’ s on EARTH .
So , yeah .
We could very well find an entire planet of giant , oozy amoebas of assorted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , speak , or shit like we do .
Just try figuring out how to beach THAT cultural and language barrier.
” — Maxwells_Demona “ That they ’ ve found us , observed from a distance for the past ten years or so , and have declared the planet a disaster area that nobody should ever visit.
” — CaptainsLincolnLog “ You know those tribes that live on islands in the Pacific that haven ’ t had technological progress in thousands of years ?
That ’ s us .
You know those international @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to just come plow over the island and take what ’ s there ?
Somewhere , there ’ s an alien Greenpeace that ’ s just barely getting by on a shoestring budget.
” — buyongmafanle “ The Dark Forest theory kinda freaks me out .
The universe is a dark forest .
Every civilization is an armed hunter stalking through the trees like a ghost , gently pushing aside branches that block the path and trying to tread without sound .
Even breathing is done with care .
The hunter has to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ forest are stealthy hunters like him .
If he finds another life—another hunter , angel , or a demon , a delicate infant to tottering old man , a fairy or demigod—there ’ s only one thing he can do : open fire and eliminate them.
” — Juturna_

From the alien aficionados on r/askreddit
They could be breeding us
“Aliens could do to us what we did to wolves, selectively breeding a once noble species in grotesque ways, transforming us into the equivalent of bulldogs, poodles, dacshunds, etc.” — flipester
They wouldn’t even notice if they destroyed us completely
“One theory is that if they are sufficiently advanced that aliens may treat us like ants. When we build dams, we don’t worry about whether or not a dam will cause an ant hill to be flooded out. Similarly, a species that is advanced as far beyond us as we are beyond ants might seek to alter our planet or even our solar system to their advantage without giving consideration to what may happen to us.” — Victor_HardApple
It would be safer for them to get rid of us
“This reminds me of the Dark Forest Theory. Like hunters in a “dark forest”, a civilization can never be certain of an alien civilization’s true intentions. In summary:
~All life desires to stay alive.
~There is no way to know if other lifeforms can or will destroy you if given a chance.
~Lacking assurances, the safest option for any species is to annihilate other life forms before they have a chance to do the same.” — 2020Chapter
It could just be another pandemic
“For all we know, aliens might not be the ‘little green men’ that fly around in flying saucers and destroy us with laser beams – they could be an interstellar pathogen that show up one day and silently and effortlessly kills us all without warning. Our immune systems would have no idea what hit them.” — CaptainWisconsin
Completely different morality
“Our human concepts of morality and empathy are heavily influenced by our mammalian biology.
Imagine that aliens land, and instead of having nice little family units their species lays clutches of thousands of eggs at a time. They don’t form strong bonds. Life is essentially expendable for them. They see us weeping over a dead child and they have literally no frame of reference for understanding why this would be upsetting.
I’m not saying all aliens will be like this; but some definitely could be.” — ToBePacific
Our worst fear
“What if there really is valuable information to be gained from anal probes?” — HarlanCedeno
The monsters could be us
“What if it ends up the other way around? What if we end up being able to travel between the stars, and we find some aliens that aren’t as technologically advanced as we are? I could easily see us being imperialist invaders, committing the atrocities we’ve committed against each other on an entire species so we could have a second planet with an oxygen atmosphere and easily attainable natural resources. That would be truly horrifying.” — Victor_HardApple
They may not care about us at all
“The scariest thing to me is thinking that aliens want nothing to do with us.
I don’t get why everyone thinks that aliens would attack us immediately. It’s one thing if we come into their territory, but if they stumble upon us we’re most likely safe. Them finding us would mean they are incredibly advanced. Anything they could get by attacking earth they could get far easier by harvesting it from a different planet in our solar system. Unless they feed specifically on brainwaves, it isn’t worth the hassle to attack a planet teeming with life they may have some weapons, however primitive, that might be used against you.
It’s far more frightening to believe that aliens have/will one day discover us and won’t be interested, They won’t want us on their intergalactic counsels, they won’t want to give us medicine, they won’t want to form any bond. If they decide to just leave humanity alone, that means either they have decided we are not worth saving, or that we are too close to destruction to be worth the resources.” — BombsNBeer
They’re vaccinating themselves against us
“Maybe all these supposed alien abductions and UFOs over the past 100 years have been alien scientists building vaccinations against our known diseases for themselves and adapting their own medical immunities for humans too – monitoring our progress against our own diseases so when both civilizations are on top of it we can be welcomed into the galactic fold safely.” — [deleted]
We won’t even see them coming
“That one day they will just wipe out our planet without us ever knowing why and that it will be so fast we don’t even realize it.” — Jenova66
What it means for us if aliens aren’t real
“That they don’t actually exist. If there were no advanced civilization that can colonize other planets, that would mean that most of them go extinct before they reach that level of technological advancement, which means that we are probably doomed to extinction too.” — bullet-cat
We’d be livestock to them
“Maybe they treat us like we treat pigs, cows and chickens.” — HansMustermann
They may not poop
“They might not have orifices for eating or pooping.
Hear me out. Almost all life on earth is topologically equivalent to a donut. Meaning we have an outside wall and an inside wall (digestive and respiratory track) that runs like a hole through us, and our important bits are sandwiched between these walls.
One of the only examples of life that isn’t like that would be for example single-celled organisms, amoebas and such, which just kind of ooze over whatever they acquire sustenance from and osmos it into themselves. Currently on earth only micro organisms are like that (edit: also some weird ocean creatures).
But there are fossils dating from before the Cambrian explosion from millions of years ago which hint that a completely different type of large and complex organisms might have evolved to walk the earth before that evolutionary lineage was wiped out by an asteroid or the like. One of the oldest of these rare fossils is of a zero-orificed creature that was about a meter long! We don’t have a lot of info from life during that age but it indicates there may have been an entire evolutionary track of complex life forms favoring life that is topologically equivalent to ball instead of donut. And that’s on EARTH.
So, yeah. We could very well find an entire planet of giant, oozy amoebas of assorted species and intelligence, who neither eat, speak, or shit like we do. Just try figuring out how to beach THAT cultural and language barrier.” — Maxwells_Demona
They’ve already noped out
“That they’ve found us, observed from a distance for the past ten years or so, and have declared the planet a disaster area that nobody should ever visit.” — CaptainsLincolnLog
Interstellar capitalism
“You know those tribes that live on islands in the Pacific that haven’t had technological progress in thousands of years? That’s us.
You know those international logging companies that would love a chance to just come plow over the island and take what’s there?
Somewhere, there’s an alien Greenpeace that’s just barely getting by on a shoestring budget.” — buyongmafanle
The Dark Forest Theory
“The Dark Forest theory kinda freaks me out. The universe is a dark forest. Every civilization is an armed hunter stalking through the trees like a ghost, gently pushing aside branches that block the path and trying to tread without sound. Even breathing is done with care. The hunter has to be careful, because everywhere in the forest are stealthy hunters like him. If he finds another life—another hunter, angel, or a demon, a delicate infant to tottering old man, a fairy or demigod—there’s only one thing he can do: open fire and eliminate them.” — Juturna_


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-10--Rob Zombie Talks About Being Told House Of 1000 Corpses Was ‘Unreleasable’

Rob Zombie was given the opportunity to direct a horror movie for Universal Pictures with a pitch that consisted only of a title — because he hadn ’ t thought the rest out yet .
But when House of 1000 Corpses was ready to screen to test audiences , the studio realized how out there it really was .
He told Joe Rogan that after the screening , he was told his movie was “ unreleasable ” .
Here ’ s the interview : To be transparent , I ’ m not a big House of 1000 Corpses fan .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Devil ’ s Rejects or 3 From Hell either .
That ’ s okay .
I LOVE his remakes of Halloween and Halloween II .
It ’ s cool to see those iconic stories told from a new perspective .
I also understand that the Firefly film series is beloved by horror fans and I respect it .
I think Zombie is an artist and not everything he makes is for me .
It ’ s awesome that he is putting his vision out there , and I hope he inspires more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ got the last laugh as the series has a cult following and has its own ride at Universal Studios — the same company that told him his film would never work .

Rob Zombie was given the opportunity to direct a horror movie for Universal Pictures with a pitch that consisted only of a title — because he hadn’t thought the rest out yet.
But when House of 1000 Corpses was ready to screen to test audiences, the studio realized how out there it really was. He told Joe Rogan that after the screening, he was told his movie was “unreleasable”. Here’s the interview:
To be transparent, I’m not a big House of 1000 Corpses fan. I can’t really get into The Devil’s Rejects or 3 From Hell either. That’s okay. I LOVE his remakes of Halloween and Halloween II. It’s cool to see those iconic stories told from a new perspective. I also understand that the Firefly film series is beloved by horror fans and I respect it. I think Zombie is an artist and not everything he makes is for me. It’s awesome that he is putting his vision out there, and I hope he inspires more people to do the same.
Zombie got the last laugh as the series has a cult following and has its own ride at Universal Studios — the same company that told him his film would never work.


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-10--If You Think You’re ‘Not The Type’ To Deal With Mental Illness, This Is For You

Have you ever taken a personality test ?
Do you read about your zodiac sign ?
Are you an avid fan of MBTI ?
Do you know your enneagram type ?
Or perhaps it ’ s none of the above and you just have an identity or a label that you strongly identify with .
Now , add a mental illness into the mix .
When you have a strong image about yourself , one that years of work has gone into , accepting a mental health diagnosis can feel like kissing that image goodbye .
And with your image @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ve ever known about yourself and who you ’ re destined to be .
But it ’ s deeper than that .
With your sense of self goes your creation .
You are not just a product of your environment , but a product of self-proclaimed truths you have accepted about yourself .
If you are a confident go-getter who always has everything under control , you are that way because you created that version of yourself .
If you are a kind and gentle soul who others see as a mother figure @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that person .
So when mental illness arrives with all its suitcases and endeavours to ruin your creation , it feels personal .
It ’ s like someone spilling white paint all over an artist ’ s newly finished canvas .
You ’ ve spent years clinging onto your image as the risk-taking Aries , but now anxiety and paranoia disorders have tamed your impulsive spirit .
Perhaps you were supposed to be the emotionally intelligent INFP , but borderline personality disorder distorted your ability to read the room .
Maybe you ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Achiever — but depression has slowed down your brain performance and replaced productivity with procrastination , sedulousness with sluggishness .
Admit it or not , we all have labels we identify with or at the very least an image we ’ d like to uphold .
It ’ s how we maintain our place in the world .
We feel as though if we don ’ t have an easy-to-define identity , the world will either choose one for us or move on without us .
I , the hardworking Capricorn , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 3 , had to swallow the bitterest pill .
I had a mental illness that made me nothing like my archetype .
I was a disappointment to the person I had spent years creating , the person my friends and family had got to know .
I now had to live with this cognitive dissonance regarding who I was at my default setting before mental illness and who I am now .
I was never an emotional person .
I was usually the wisest amongst my peers and never got involved with things @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hard in school , had a normal childhood , wasn ’ t exposed to anything devastating or scarring .
I was a good girl with regular amounts of rebellious behavior .
I did what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do it .
There was nothing that screamed ‘ mental illness ’ about me .
I began to think maybe I had been lying to myself about who I was this whole time .
Maybe I had never been who I said I was .
Maybe I had never @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had been right about being the person I thought I was , I never would have been affected by mental illness , right ?
Wrong .
I , like many others , missed the whole point .
This can happen to anyone .
Mental illness isn ’ t classist or ageist or racist .
It doesn ’ t pick a certain type of person .
It picks names out of a hat .
And it ’ s not a matter of survival of the fittest — I am the fittest .
My name @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t fit the archetype for the person dealing with mental illness , and that ’ s why it was so hard for me to accept that I had one .
I didn ’ t want to identify with the rest .
The people that I strongly identified with were happy-go-lucky , motivated people .
They were ambitious , hard workers with their lives together .
They were organized with their time .
They were bubbly and charming , highly productive , disciplined and strong willed .
They were deeply religious .
And they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ For me , accepting that mental illness had caught me in its snares meant losing some of my identity .
So that ’ s why I ’ m writing this .
For the people who , like me , aren ’ t your typical candidate for anxiety or depression or a personality disorder .
For the people who never expected to be one of those people .
For the people whose egos let them believe it could never happen to them .
It happened to you .
Accept it .
And recognize that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It doesn ’ t speak volumes about the kind of person you are for having it .
It doesn ’ t mean a part of your identity is lost .
You don ’ t have to part ways with your sense of self .
You are a human being , not a human doing .
So simply be .
Be the happy guy that puts a smile on everyone ’ s face .
Be the hard working girl that others aspire to be like .
And use your mental illness to swing the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the pastor ’ s kid who battled anger management issues while preaching love everyday .
You were the emotionally intelligent psychology major who fought dissociative disorder while studying the very same thing .
You were the sometimes inconsistent yet reliable consultant who got promoted for best customer service despite swinging between manic and depressive .
You are the master of your mind ; it is not the master of you .
So , mental illness or not , you can still be the same person you always wanted to be .
You can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ carry your family ’ s name .
And anyone who doesn ’ t accept you because of it was never an asset to you in the first place .

Have you ever taken a personality test? Do you read about your zodiac sign? Are you an avid fan of MBTI? Do you know your enneagram type? Or perhaps it’s none of the above and you just have an identity or a label that you strongly identify with. Now, add a mental illness into the mix.
When you have a strong image about yourself, one that years of work has gone into, accepting a mental health diagnosis can feel like kissing that image goodbye. And with your image goes your sense of self—everything you’ve ever known about yourself and who you’re destined to be. But it’s deeper than that. With your sense of self goes your creation. You are not just a product of your environment, but a product of self-proclaimed truths you have accepted about yourself. If you are a confident go-getter who always has everything under control, you are that way because you created that version of yourself. If you are a kind and gentle soul who others see as a mother figure, you are so because you created that person.
So when mental illness arrives with all its suitcases and endeavours to ruin your creation, it feels personal. It’s like someone spilling white paint all over an artist’s newly finished canvas. You’ve spent years clinging onto your image as the risk-taking Aries, but now anxiety and paranoia disorders have tamed your impulsive spirit. Perhaps you were supposed to be the emotionally intelligent INFP, but borderline personality disorder distorted your ability to read the room. Maybe you’re the enneagram type 3 — The Achiever — but depression has slowed down your brain performance and replaced productivity with procrastination, sedulousness with sluggishness.
Admit it or not, we all have labels we identify with or at the very least an image we’d like to uphold. It’s how we maintain our place in the world. We feel as though if we don’t have an easy-to-define identity, the world will either choose one for us or move on without us. I, the hardworking Capricorn, the intelligent INTJ, the diligent enneagram type 3, had to swallow the bitterest pill.
I had a mental illness that made me nothing like my archetype. I was a disappointment to the person I had spent years creating, the person my friends and family had got to know. I now had to live with this cognitive dissonance regarding who I was at my default setting before mental illness and who I am now.
I was never an emotional person. I was usually the wisest amongst my peers and never got involved with things I shouldn’t. I worked hard in school, had a normal childhood, wasn’t exposed to anything devastating or scarring. I was a good girl with regular amounts of rebellious behavior. I did what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do it. There was nothing that screamed ‘mental illness’ about me. I began to think maybe I had been lying to myself about who I was this whole time. Maybe I had never been who I said I was. Maybe I had never been strong and unmoving. If I had been right about being the person I thought I was, I never would have been affected by mental illness, right?
Wrong. I, like many others, missed the whole point. This can happen to anyone. Mental illness isn’t classist or ageist or racist. It doesn’t pick a certain type of person. It picks names out of a hat. And it’s not a matter of survival of the fittest — I am the fittest. My name was still picked.
I don’t fit the archetype for the person dealing with mental illness, and that’s why it was so hard for me to accept that I had one. I didn’t want to identify with the rest. The people that I strongly identified with were happy-go-lucky, motivated people. They were ambitious, hard workers with their lives together. They were organized with their time. They were bubbly and charming, highly productive, disciplined and strong willed. They were deeply religious. And they did not have a mental illness.
For me, accepting that mental illness had caught me in its snares meant losing some of my identity.
So that’s why I’m writing this. For the people who, like me, aren’t your typical candidate for anxiety or depression or a personality disorder. For the people who never expected to be one of those people. For the people whose egos let them believe it could never happen to them.
It happened to you. Accept it. And recognize that it’s not your fault. It doesn’t speak volumes about the kind of person you are for having it. It doesn’t mean a part of your identity is lost. You don’t have to part ways with your sense of self. You are a human being, not a human doing. So simply be. Be the happy guy that puts a smile on everyone’s face. Be the hard working girl that others aspire to be like. And use your mental illness to swing the narrative in your favor. You were the pastor’s kid who battled anger management issues while preaching love everyday. You were the emotionally intelligent psychology major who fought dissociative disorder while studying the very same thing. You were the sometimes inconsistent yet reliable consultant who got promoted for best customer service despite swinging between manic and depressive. You are the master of your mind; it is not the master of you.
So, mental illness or not, you can still be the same person you always wanted to be. You can still walk with your old crowd and carry your family’s name.
And anyone who doesn’t accept you because of it was never an asset to you in the first place.


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-10--What Causes Each Zodiac To Run Away, Even If They Like You

Moving too fast .
Speeding through milestones .
Feeling pressured to settle down .
Being ignored .
Getting mixed signals @ @ @ @ @ other person feels .
Being bombarded with texts .
Being attached at the hip .
@ @ @ @ @ .
Being spoiled rotten .
Being showered with presents .
Being the center of attention @ @ @ @ @ questions .
Being pressured to open up too soon .
Being forced into acting vulnerable @ @ @ @ @ your schedule .
Being forced to rearrange plans .
Being forced to make room for @ @ @ @ @ life .
Doing all the work .
Putting in all the effort .
Feeling neglected @ @ @ @ @ hugging .
Too much kissing .
Too much touching .
Spending too much time together @ @ @ @ @ having a second to yourself .
Being babied .
Being lectured .
Being told what @ @ @ @ @ t allowed to do .
Too much physical affection .
Moving too fast in the @ @ @ @ @ have sex .

Aries
Moving too fast. Speeding through milestones. Feeling pressured to settle down.
Taurus
Being ignored. Getting mixed signals. Not knowing how the other person feels.
Gemini
Being bombarded with texts. Being attached at the hip. Being torn away from friends.
Cancer
Being spoiled rotten. Being showered with presents. Being the center of attention.
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Leo
Being asked too many questions. Being pressured to open up too soon. Being forced into acting vulnerable.
Virgo
Being forced to change your schedule. Being forced to rearrange plans. Being forced to make room for an extra person in your life.
Libra
Doing all the work. Putting in all the effort. Feeling neglected and ignored.
Scorpio
Too much hugging. Too much kissing. Too much touching.
Sagittarius
Feeling rejected. Feeling misunderstood. Feeling alone in a crowd.
Capricorn
Spending too much time together. Feeling suffocated. Never having a second to yourself.
Aquarius
Being babied. Being lectured. Being told what you are and aren’t allowed to do.
Pisces
Too much physical affection. Moving too fast in the bedroom. Feeling pressured to have sex.


thoughtcatalog--2020-11-10--5 Things That Will Almost Always Happen When You Deal With Toxic Humans

1 .
You will question your reality .
You will question whether you overreacted , whether you ’ re blowing things out of proportion , whether you should take things down a notch .
You will wonder whether you ’ re the one in the wrong , whether you ’ re the one making things difficult , whether you ’ re the one who is making a minuscule problem even bigger .
You will start to doubt everything you know is true because a toxic person will do their best to brainwash you into seeing the world from their point @ @ @ @ @ @ @ make you trust them , and love them , more than you trust and love yourself .
2 .
You will feel exhausted all the time .
Even when you ’ ve slept for eight hours straight , you will feel like you didn ’ t get enough sleep .
That ’ s because you only got physical rest but are still in spiritual and emotional unrest .
You never get a moment of true peace because you ’ re always waiting for the other shoe to drop , for this person to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a human to a monster .
You never know when it ’ s coming , so you ’ re always on edge .
You ’ re always prepared for the worst .
In the back of your mind , you are panicking .
Even if nothing has gone wrong yet , you know it ’ s only a matter of time .
3 .
You will develop some toxic traits of your own .
To survive your relationship with this toxic human , you will tell white lies and avoid certain conversations .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ nothing wrong , you will feel pressured to twist the truth because you ’ re worried saying the ‘ incorrect ’ thing will set this person off .
You decide you ’ re better off keeping them in the dark so you start watching what you say .
You start telling lies to keep yourself out of trouble — or to keep the toxic human out of trouble .
You might even lie for them .
You might protect them out of ingrained loyalty .
4 .
You will feel a constant tug-of-war @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you swear you ’ re going to walk away from them .
You swear you ’ re going to leave the next time they hurt you .
Maybe you even have your suitcase packed .
Maybe you ’ re ready to go right now .
Other days , you won ’ t be able to picture life without them .
You will fall for their sob stories .
You will believe you can still fix what is broken .
You will decide it ’ s easier to stay , to deal with the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a new , unknown world .
You will be mad at yourself for staying then mad at yourself for even considering leaving .
You won ’ t know how to feel .
You won ’ t know what you want , what will make you truly happy .
5 .
You will realize you need to leave .
It might take months or years .
It might take multiple attempts .
But eventually , you will leave them in your rearview .
You will say goodbye for good .
You will move forward @ @ @ @ @ @ @ struggle , even though it ’ s the scariest thing you ’ ve ever done .
And although you will have mixed emotions about how long it took you to leave and how much time you wasted on the wrong person , the emotions you ’ ll feel most of all are relief and pride and hope .
You will have a bright future ahead of you .
You will be happier than you ever could ’ ve been alongside them .

1. You will question your reality. You will question whether you overreacted, whether you’re blowing things out of proportion, whether you should take things down a notch. You will wonder whether you’re the one in the wrong, whether you’re the one making things difficult, whether you’re the one who is making a minuscule problem even bigger. You will start to doubt everything you know is true because a toxic person will do their best to brainwash you into seeing the world from their point of view. Their goal is to make you trust them, and love them, more than you trust and love yourself.
2. You will feel exhausted all the time. Even when you’ve slept for eight hours straight, you will feel like you didn’t get enough sleep. That’s because you only got physical rest but are still in spiritual and emotional unrest. You never get a moment of true peace because you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this person to snap, for them to shift from a human to a monster. You never know when it’s coming, so you’re always on edge. You’re always prepared for the worst. In the back of your mind, you are panicking. Even if nothing has gone wrong yet, you know it’s only a matter of time.
3. You will develop some toxic traits of your own. To survive your relationship with this toxic human, you will tell white lies and avoid certain conversations. Even when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, you will feel pressured to twist the truth because you’re worried saying the ‘incorrect’ thing will set this person off. You decide you’re better off keeping them in the dark so you start watching what you say. You start telling lies to keep yourself out of trouble — or to keep the toxic human out of trouble. You might even lie for them. You might protect them out of ingrained loyalty.
4. You will feel a constant tug-of-war deep within yourself. Some days, you swear you’re going to walk away from them. You swear you’re going to leave the next time they hurt you. Maybe you even have your suitcase packed. Maybe you’re ready to go right now. Other days, you won’t be able to picture life without them. You will fall for their sob stories. You will believe you can still fix what is broken. You will decide it’s easier to stay, to deal with the demon you know instead of stepping into a new, unknown world. You will be mad at yourself for staying then mad at yourself for even considering leaving. You won’t know how to feel. You won’t know what you want, what will make you truly happy.
5. You will realize you need to leave. It might take months or years. It might take multiple attempts. But eventually, you will leave them in your rearview. You will say goodbye for good. You will move forward, even though it’s a struggle, even though it’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done. And although you will have mixed emotions about how long it took you to leave and how much time you wasted on the wrong person, the emotions you’ll feel most of all are relief and pride and hope. You will have a bright future ahead of you. You will be happier than you ever could’ve been alongside them.