thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--I Am Slowly Learning That Trauma Has Different Faces

“ You have to revisit a place of trauma every single day when you walk through the front door of your apartment , ” my therapist told me .
I denied this statement .
I hadn ’ t experienced trauma .
I was never beaten .
I was never in the military or put into war overseas .
Trauma was not something I had experienced in my life .
My therapist informed me that trauma has many different faces .
It ’ s not always physical .
It might not show up on your skin as tangible scars .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the most influential traumas I experienced in my life was abandonment .
I know what you are probably thinking .
Daddy issues .
Classic .
This phrase needs to go away .
Far , far away .
People who have had issues with their parental figures in their life are real traumatic events someone can endure .
Because of social stigma , people aren ’ t seeking proper help from this which results in even greater , long lasting effects .
It ’ s also 2020 .
Let ’ s move on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of their past which affect their mental health as adults , ya dig ?
The root of my eating disorder was a trauma that was staring at me directly in the face every single day .
I was just woven too deep into my disorder to be able to notice it until I started therapy .
Yes , my trauma stemmed from years of human conditioning between various forms of abandonment .
But it ’ s what happened in 2019 that was the catalyst which brought me to a place that almost made @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bottle of red wine to my face and the rest of my antidepressants ready to go down the hatch .
My partner of two and a half years left me .
I don ’ t mean that he broke up with me .
I mean he said he was going on a trip to Guatemala that he would return from by Thanksgiving only a few short weeks later .
Spoiler alert : He never came back .
That is the abandonment that solidified the negative narrative in my brain to reiterate that I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I was too sick to be cared for .
That I wasn ’ t worth sticking through this with .
That I was the equivalent of a water bottle you leave on top of your car when you forget it ’ s there and drive away .
That is how little of a human being I felt .
And it broke me .
When I was diagnosed in 2018 with an eating disorder , the relationship became more strained .
I wasn ’ t perfect .
I knew that my disorders were causing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ my bed under the covers and be removed from everyone and everything .
I knew that I was leaning too much on him for support because I was too afraid to seek it out from anyone else .
But it ’ s one thing to have something happen to you and another to react in a certain way to what is happening .
His fight or flight mode kicked in .
He chose flight .
He chose cowardness .
He chose abandonment .
I finally came to a point that I felt there @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
This was it .
Leaned up against my bathroom wall , legs sprawled out on the floor with an almost empty bottle of wine to my left and my antidepressants on my right , I continued thinking that this was it .
This is all that my life was going to be .
A hamster wheel of disappointment , shame , lack of control , and constant sadness .
Then at the bathroom door , I heard my puppy whining .
It wasn ’ t her usual cry for attention , since @ @ @ @ @ @ @ At that moment , it felt like she was trying to tell me to stop .
To not do it .
I opened the door and she rushed inside , licking my face like it would be her last time .
I picked up the phone and called one person .
It wasn ’ t someone who understood where I was in life .
It wasn ’ t someone that could relate to my problems .
But it was someone I knew would answer the phone regardless .
That night , I did @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rewrote the narrative .
I chose a different ending .
I looked towards a support system even if that system didn ’ t look like the picture perfect one .
I took the face of trauma and gave it an alternate title : A Story of Survival .
What someone ’ s trauma looks like to them will not look the same for you .
This is the part I think it ’ s incredibly important to reiterate : No pain is greater or worse .
We all experience pain in different ways @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we are living .
Pain is pain .
Hurt is hurt .
Survival is survival .
The important part is that we do not compare , rather lift each other up through the pain , the hurt , and the survival .
We are all simultaneously experiencing trauma whether it seems like it is impacting us or not .
COVID-19 has put all of us in a quarantine to some extent .
Those with pre-existing mental illnesses , including eating disorders , are that much more susceptible .
It ’ s important that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , whether we have acknowledged this before or not .
I am not saying that I am 100 % healed from this .
It ’ s a long road of recovery and as those in the world of eating disorders know recovery is not linear .
But the fact is , therapy was one of the first things I needed in my life to see that I was being affected by unresolved trauma .
I was hurting in a way that needed professional help .
I needed to dig deeper .
I needed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ roots of my eating disorder were so I could call out my eating disorder and my depression out loud with the facts when the behaviors start to kick in .
Now I write .
I write through my problems and find my way to a resolution , whatever that looks like .
Writing has become my therapy .
It started with prompts from group therapy and my one-on-one sessions .
It was a way to navigate my way through the issues and complexes I was experiencing .
What triggered me to feel this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ moment I started feeling this way ?
What was I thinking about the moment I started feeling this way ?
Why do I believe I am feeling this way ?
Had I eaten , and if I did , what did I eat ?
If I didn ’ t , how long had it been ?
What would I say to my best friend who was feeling this way ?
What physical things can I do to get myself out of this feeling ?
What can I learn from this moment ?
How @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the future ?
What is just one small thing I am going to do next to interrupt the domino effect from continuing ?
It feels like I ’ m working backwards , and in a way , it is .
It ’ s starting with what I know and unfolding it .
I ’ m not saying it ’ s a cure by any means .
There are chemical imbalances that need to be intervened by other measures .
But that might be how you answer some of your questions when you start @ @ @ @ @ @ @ For me , the origin tends to provide me reason which helps me set myself free from it—or at least provides me with an opportunity to face it head on .
If you or someone you know is need of support regarding suicide , please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 .

Trigger warnings: Eating disorders, suicide attempt
“You have to revisit a place of trauma every single day when you walk through the front door of your apartment,” my therapist told me. I denied this statement. I hadn’t experienced trauma. I was never beaten. I was never in the military or put into war overseas. Trauma was not something I had experienced in my life.
I was very wrong.
My therapist informed me that trauma has many different faces. It’s not always physical. It might not show up on your skin as tangible scars. But it exists. For me, one of the most influential traumas I experienced in my life was abandonment.
I know what you are probably thinking. Daddy issues. Classic.
This phrase needs to go away. Far, far away. People who have had issues with their parental figures in their life are real traumatic events someone can endure. Because of social stigma, people aren’t seeking proper help from this which results in even greater, long lasting effects. It’s also 2020. Let’s move on from dehumanizing people and belittling the effects of their past which affect their mental health as adults, ya dig?
The root of my eating disorder was a trauma that was staring at me directly in the face every single day. I was just woven too deep into my disorder to be able to notice it until I started therapy.
Yes, my trauma stemmed from years of human conditioning between various forms of abandonment. But it’s what happened in 2019 that was the catalyst which brought me to a place that almost made me take my own life. A bottle of red wine to my face and the rest of my antidepressants ready to go down the hatch.
My partner of two and a half years left me. I don’t mean that he broke up with me. I mean he said he was going on a trip to Guatemala that he would return from by Thanksgiving only a few short weeks later. Spoiler alert: He never came back.
That is the abandonment that solidified the negative narrative in my brain to reiterate that I wasn’t good enough. That I was too sick to be cared for. That I wasn’t worth sticking through this with. That I was the equivalent of a water bottle you leave on top of your car when you forget it’s there and drive away. That is how little of a human being I felt. And it broke me.
When I was diagnosed in 2018 with an eating disorder, the relationship became more strained.
I wasn’t perfect. I knew that my disorders were causing me to isolate. To crawl into my bed under the covers and be removed from everyone and everything. I knew that I was leaning too much on him for support because I was too afraid to seek it out from anyone else.
But it’s one thing to have something happen to you and another to react in a certain way to what is happening. His fight or flight mode kicked in. He chose flight. He chose cowardness. He chose abandonment.
I finally came to a point that I felt there was no way to rewrite the narrative. This was it. Leaned up against my bathroom wall, legs sprawled out on the floor with an almost empty bottle of wine to my left and my antidepressants on my right, I continued thinking that this was it. This is all that my life was going to be. A hamster wheel of disappointment, shame, lack of control, and constant sadness.
Then at the bathroom door, I heard my puppy whining. It wasn’t her usual cry for attention, since she was barely a year old. At that moment, it felt like she was trying to tell me to stop. To not do it. I opened the door and she rushed inside, licking my face like it would be her last time.
I picked up the phone and called one person. It wasn’t someone who understood where I was in life. It wasn’t someone that could relate to my problems. But it was someone I knew would answer the phone regardless.
That night, I did what I thought was impossible. I rewrote the narrative. I chose a different ending. I looked towards a support system even if that system didn’t look like the picture perfect one. I took the face of trauma and gave it an alternate title: A Story of Survival.
What someone’s trauma looks like to them will not look the same for you. This is the part I think it’s incredibly important to reiterate:
No pain is greater or worse. We all experience pain in different ways. We all have a different story we are living. Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Survival is survival. The important part is that we do not compare, rather lift each other up through the pain, the hurt, and the survival.
We are all simultaneously experiencing trauma whether it seems like it is impacting us or not. COVID-19 has put all of us in a quarantine to some extent. Those with pre-existing mental illnesses, including eating disorders, are that much more susceptible. It’s important that we understand that trauma has different faces, whether we have acknowledged this before or not.
I am not saying that I am 100% healed from this. It’s a long road of recovery and as those in the world of eating disorders know recovery is not linear.
But the fact is, therapy was one of the first things I needed in my life to see that I was being affected by unresolved trauma. I was hurting in a way that needed professional help. I needed to dig deeper. I needed to see what some of the true roots of my eating disorder were so I could call out my eating disorder and my depression out loud with the facts when the behaviors start to kick in.
Now I write. I write through my problems and find my way to a resolution, whatever that looks like. Writing has become my therapy. It started with prompts from group therapy and my one-on-one sessions. It was a way to navigate my way through the issues and complexes I was experiencing.
What was I feeling specifically?
What triggered me to feel this way?
What was I doing the moment I started feeling this way?
What was I thinking about the moment I started feeling this way?
Why do I believe I am feeling this way?
Had I eaten, and if I did, what did I eat? If I didn’t, how long had it been?
What would I say to my best friend who was feeling this way?
What physical things can I do to get myself out of this feeling?
What can I learn from this moment?
How can I stop it from happening in the future?
What is just one small thing I am going to do next to interrupt the domino effect from continuing?
Who can I call?
It feels like I’m working backwards, and in a way, it is. It’s starting with what I know and unfolding it. I’m not saying it’s a cure by any means. There are chemical imbalances that need to be intervened by other measures. But that might be how you answer some of your questions when you start to ask yourself those same things.
For me, the origin tends to provide me reason which helps me set myself free from it—or at least provides me with an opportunity to face it head on.
If you or someone you know is need of support regarding suicide, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--What Each Zodiac Sign Absolutely Hates Being Called

You hate being called selfish simply because you treat yourself like a priority .
Your mental health comes first .
You hate being called clingy simply because you wear your heart on your sleeve .
When you care about someone , you aren ’ t going to hide it .
You hate being called fickle simply because you ’ re not the same person you were years ago .
Everyone changes as they grow older .
You hate being called quiet simply because you ’ re okay with blending into the background .
You only speak when you have something @ @ @ @ @ @ @ called an attention hog simply because you enjoy standing in the spotlight .
You don ’ t see anything wrong with wanting attention .
You hate being called bossy simply because you like to take the lead .
If you see a problem , you ’ re going to fix it .
You hate being called shallow simply because you pay attention to appearances .
A big part of how someone comes across is how they present themselves .
You hate being called annoying simply because you have a lot to say .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ re going to use it .
You hate being called closed-off simply because you aren ’ t an open book around new people .
You ’ re careful about who you trust .
You hate being called pretentious simply because you ’ re smart .
You aren ’ t going to dumb yourself down to appear more approachable .
You hate being called weird simply because you don ’ t follow trends .
You don ’ t see the point in copying what everyone else is doing .
You hate being called stupid @ @ @ @ @ @ @ take people at face value .
You see the good in them .

Aries
You hate being called selfish simply because you treat yourself like a priority. Your mental health comes first.
Taurus
You hate being called clingy simply because you wear your heart on your sleeve. When you care about someone, you aren’t going to hide it.
Gemini
You hate being called fickle simply because you’re not the same person you were years ago. Everyone changes as they grow older.
Cancer
You hate being called quiet simply because you’re okay with blending into the background. You only speak when you have something important to say.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Leo
You hate being called an attention hog simply because you enjoy standing in the spotlight. You don’t see anything wrong with wanting attention.
Virgo
You hate being called bossy simply because you like to take the lead. If you see a problem, you’re going to fix it.
Libra
You hate being called shallow simply because you pay attention to appearances. A big part of how someone comes across is how they present themselves.
Scorpio
You hate being called annoying simply because you have a lot to say. You have a voice and you’re going to use it.
Sagittarius
You hate being called closed-off simply because you aren’t an open book around new people. You’re careful about who you trust.
Capricorn
You hate being called pretentious simply because you’re smart. You aren’t going to dumb yourself down to appear more approachable.
Aquarius
You hate being called weird simply because you don’t follow trends. You don’t see the point in copying what everyone else is doing.
Pisces
You hate being called stupid simply because you are trusting. You take people at face value. You see the good in them.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--7 Reasons You Should Walk Away From An Almost

1 .
You deserve more than a dash of someone ’ s heart .
You shouldn ’ t be a second choice .
You shouldn ’ t be a just in case .
You shouldn ’ t be a backup plan .
You should be a top priority .
If you ’ re willing to drop everything for this person but they only text you when it ’ s convenient for them , then you shouldn ’ t be wasting your energy on them .
You can do so much better .
2 .
You shouldn ’ t have to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their senses .
You shouldn ’ t have to convince them you ’ re worthy of their time .
You shouldn ’ t have to try so hard to impress them , to make them see what a great partner you would be , to realize you ’ re worth the effort .
You shouldn ’ t have to sit around and watch them play the field while you patiently wait for them to change their mind and enter a relationship with you .
3 .
There are other people who will value @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , it might feel like this person is the only person you could ever want — but there are other options out there .
There are other people who would be excited to get to know you better .
You don ’ t have to settle when there is a whole world to explore .
Don ’ t limit yourself .
Don ’ t settle for the first person who treats you semi-decent .
4 .
Giving more than you ’ re getting isn ’ t fair to you .
Your relationship shouldn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t be initiating every hug and kiss and conversation .
You should be putting in the same amount of work as the other person .
If the relationship isn ’ t balanced now , that probably won ’ t change even if you end up dating — and do you really want a partner who doesn ’ t do their fair share ?
5 .
You don ’ t want to waste too much time waiting .
You don ’ t want to wait days for a text .
You don ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ date .
You don ’ t want to wait months for them to finally admit their feelings for you .
If you want to take the next step with them , let them know .
If they ’ re not ready , then it ’ s time to move on .
Every second you ’ re wasting on them is a second you could be spending on someone who actually treats you right .
6 .
You deserve someone who wouldn ’ t want to risk losing you .
If someone is making @ @ @ @ @ @ @ canceling plans with you at the last second and flirting with other people in front of you , they must not mind losing you .
And the right person wouldn ’ t want to risk that happening .
They would try their hardest to keep you around .
They would treat you right because losing you isn ’ t an option .
7 .
A relationship isn ’ t as close as you think .
You might be sticking around because you feel like you ’ re so close to becoming an official @ @ @ @ @ @ @ think that a week ago ?
A month ago ?
If you ’ re not in a relationship yet , there must be a reason why .
Maybe you need to be more vocal about your feelings — or maybe your feelings aren ’ t reciprocated .

1. You deserve more than a dash of someone’s heart. You shouldn’t be a second choice. You shouldn’t be a just in case. You shouldn’t be a backup plan. You should be a top priority. If you’re willing to drop everything for this person but they only text you when it’s convenient for them, then you shouldn’t be wasting your energy on them. You can do so much better.
2. You shouldn’t have to wait around for them to come to their senses. You shouldn’t have to convince them you’re worthy of their time. You shouldn’t have to try so hard to impress them, to make them see what a great partner you would be, to realize you’re worth the effort. You shouldn’t have to sit around and watch them play the field while you patiently wait for them to change their mind and enter a relationship with you.
3. There are other people who will value you from the start. Right now, it might feel like this person is the only person you could ever want — but there are other options out there. There are other people who would be excited to get to know you better. You don’t have to settle when there is a whole world to explore. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t settle for the first person who treats you semi-decent.
4. Giving more than you’re getting isn’t fair to you. Your relationship shouldn’t be one-sided. You shouldn’t be initiating every hug and kiss and conversation. You should be putting in the same amount of work as the other person. If the relationship isn’t balanced now, that probably won’t change even if you end up dating — and do you really want a partner who doesn’t do their fair share?
5. You don’t want to waste too much time waiting. You don’t want to wait days for a text. You don’t want to wait weeks for a date. You don’t want to wait months for them to finally admit their feelings for you. If you want to take the next step with them, let them know. If they’re not ready, then it’s time to move on. Every second you’re wasting on them is a second you could be spending on someone who actually treats you right.
6. You deserve someone who wouldn’t want to risk losing you. If someone is making you wait forever for a text and canceling plans with you at the last second and flirting with other people in front of you, they must not mind losing you. And the right person wouldn’t want to risk that happening. They would try their hardest to keep you around. They would treat you right because losing you isn’t an option.
7. A relationship isn’t as close as you think. You might be sticking around because you feel like you’re so close to becoming an official couple. But didn’t you think that a week ago? A month ago? If you’re not in a relationship yet, there must be a reason why. Maybe you need to be more vocal about your feelings — or maybe your feelings aren’t reciprocated.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--Which Stephen King Book Should You Read Next?

1 .
11/22/63 .
I lasted about 24 hours of withdrawal after finishing it for the first time before I had to go back and start it over .
This man has written a TON , and has sharped his ability to a level of competence and skill that most of us will never achieve in anything in our lives , and it shows .
It ’ s funny that I ’ m a huge horror fan , that horror is what made me a Stephen King fan in the first place , but the book of his that stuck @ @ @ @ @ @ @ least like what he ’ s known for .
Though , make no mistake , the DNA of a horror writer is absolutely in that book as well .
2 .
Pet Sematary .
I love a lot of his stuff but I keep going back to it , it ’ s so deliciously creepy , I sometimes have to put it down for a bit because of how creepy it is .
3 .
The Long Walk .
It ’ s so benign-yet-not on the outside , and then you get into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Institute .
One of the most gripping reads ever .
Deals with some of the worst child abuse I ’ ve read and due to King ’ s ability to turn characters into relatable people , you experience everything .
I don ’ t consider myself to have a weak stomach , but the abuse and corruption of the truly innocent ( children and animals , mainly ) is something that is hard to get through in any medium .
In It you at least have the children becoming adults to confront @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , most never get that chance .
5 .
The Green Mile .
It is one of the few novels I have read multiple times .
It stayed with me for weeks .
It is the most beautifully written book I have ever read .
6 .
The Dead Zone .
Absolutely amazingly creepy .
And considering the plot…the book everyone should read in 2020 if they haven ’ t yet .
7 .
Salem ’ s Lot .
That book scared the shit out of me as a teenager , but I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 8 .
The Talisman is amazing .
I might have developed an obsession with alternative reality stories from reading that book in my early teens .
9 .
Misery was excellent , and in my opinion , the best movie or TV version of his books , too .
10 .
Carrie .
Finished it in a night because I couldn ’ t stop reading .
11 .
The Jaunt is the scariest story , book or movie , that I ’ ve ever read it watched .
Probably because it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ horror stories do jack for me .
12 .
Lisey ’ s Story .
A beautiful story about grief and recovery of a woman who lost her love .
All others saw the celebrity , not the human being he was .
Covers mental illness , terror and fear , and pure love .
Written for Tammy , fucking gorgeous book .
13 .
The Stand .
This was the first book that made me really realize how dangerous it would be to have an accident when no doctors exist in the world @ @ @ @ @ @ @ only book that made me want to keep my bedside lamp on at night .
Scared the crap out of me !
15 .
Cujo is very good .
How can someone write 600+ pages on a woman trapped in a car with a rabid dog outside ?
16 .
Got to be Under the Dome , I loved how it went into detail about the different character ’ s lives and all the individual problems they were dealing with .
17 .
Doctor Sleep is possibly my favorite but if not then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
But I freaking hated the movie .
18 .
The Mist is great , but I wish King had written it with the movie ending .
So brutal .
19 .
Desperation is the one that sticks with me the most… the sounds from the book tripped me out .
20 .
Christine .
It was about a car that came to life and it was incredibly scary .
That takes talent .
21 .
On Writing changed my life as a writer and is easily his best work in my humble @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This is a great one because it can actually happen .
I also liked all the computer references that a basement-dwelling wannabe hacker would have : all the computers , but of course , they ’ re all just for show with only one getting any use .
A smaller detail those in IT would get ( and I ’ m sure his son suggested he add ) .
23 .
The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon .
One of my favorites and really under-appreciated .
It ’ s creepy because it can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the implied supernatural parts , anyway .
24 .
Bag of Bones , gets better as you read it .
25 .
The Drawing of the Three .
The shootout is his best action sequence ever .
26 .
I love Duma Key .
The whole atmosphere and imagery is something that just stuck with me .
27 .
Eyes of the Dragon is a powerful nostalgia one for me !
So good .
28 .
Needful Things .
Stephen King ’ s manipulative character writing at his finest .
The way @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this book is just too good .
29 .
Wizard and Glass .
It ’ s one of the only novels that ’ s ever brought me to tears .
3 amazing books came before it in the Dark Tower series , we ’ d barely learned a thing about Roland at this point , and the first major thing we learn about him is the epic , heartbreaking tale he tells in this novel .
30 .
Insomnia .
This is one of the few I ’ ve read over and over @ @ @ @ @ @ @ % of his books and was planning to make it a full collection and keep up as new ones came out , but life got in the way of that .
Most I owned got re-read once or twice , but Insomnia would get picked up about every 2-4 months for a read .

Ask Reddit has listed out thirty of the best Stephen King stories of all time.
1. 11/22/63. I lasted about 24 hours of withdrawal after finishing it for the first time before I had to go back and start it over.
This man has written a TON, and has sharped his ability to a level of competence and skill that most of us will never achieve in anything in our lives, and it shows.
It’s funny that I’m a huge horror fan, that horror is what made me a Stephen King fan in the first place, but the book of his that stuck with me the most is the one least like what he’s known for. Though, make no mistake, the DNA of a horror writer is absolutely in that book as well.
2. Pet Sematary. I love a lot of his stuff but I keep going back to it, it’s so deliciously creepy, I sometimes have to put it down for a bit because of how creepy it is.
3. The Long Walk. It’s so benign-yet-not on the outside, and then you get into it. Hoo boy.
4. The Institute. One of the most gripping reads ever. Deals with some of the worst child abuse I’ve read and due to King’s ability to turn characters into relatable people, you experience everything. I don’t consider myself to have a weak stomach, but the abuse and corruption of the truly innocent (children and animals, mainly) is something that is hard to get through in any medium. In It you at least have the children becoming adults to confront their terrors again. In The Institute, most never get that chance.
5. The Green Mile. It is one of the few novels I have read multiple times. It stayed with me for weeks. It is the most beautifully written book I have ever read.
6. The Dead Zone. Absolutely amazingly creepy. And considering the plot…the book everyone should read in 2020 if they haven’t yet.
7. Salem’s Lot. That book scared the shit out of me as a teenager, but I couldn’t put it down.
8. The Talisman is amazing. I might have developed an obsession with alternative reality stories from reading that book in my early teens.
9. Misery was excellent, and in my opinion, the best movie or TV version of his books, too.
10. Carrie. Finished it in a night because I couldn’t stop reading.
11. The Jaunt is the scariest story, book or movie, that I’ve ever read it watched. Probably because it’s about a fear I have whereas most horror stories do jack for me.
12. Lisey’s Story. A beautiful story about grief and recovery of a woman who lost her love. All others saw the celebrity, not the human being he was. Covers mental illness, terror and fear, and pure love. Written for Tammy, fucking gorgeous book.
13. The Stand. This was the first book that made me really realize how dangerous it would be to have an accident when no doctors exist in the world.
14. The Shining was the only book that made me want to keep my bedside lamp on at night. Scared the crap out of me!
15. Cujo is very good. How can someone write 600+ pages on a woman trapped in a car with a rabid dog outside?
16. Got to be Under the Dome, I loved how it went into detail about the different character’s lives and all the individual problems they were dealing with.
17. Doctor Sleep is possibly my favorite but if not then it definitely ranks in the top 5. But I freaking hated the movie.
18. The Mist is great, but I wish King had written it with the movie ending. So brutal.
19. Desperation is the one that sticks with me the most… the sounds from the book tripped me out.
20. Christine. It was about a car that came to life and it was incredibly scary. That takes talent.
21. On Writing changed my life as a writer and is easily his best work in my humble opinion.
22. Mr. Mercedes. This is a great one because it can actually happen.
I also liked all the computer references that a basement-dwelling wannabe hacker would have: all the computers, but of course, they’re all just for show with only one getting any use. A smaller detail those in IT would get (and I’m sure his son suggested he add).
23. The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. One of my favorites and really under-appreciated. It’s creepy because it can happen to anyone. Well, except for the implied supernatural parts, anyway.
24. Bag of Bones, gets better as you read it.
25. The Drawing of the Three. The shootout is his best action sequence ever.
26. I love Duma Key. The whole atmosphere and imagery is something that just stuck with me.
27. Eyes of the Dragon is a powerful nostalgia one for me! So good.
28. Needful Things. Stephen King’s manipulative character writing at his finest. The way he pins people against each other in this book is just too good.
29. Wizard and Glass. It’s one of the only novels that’s ever brought me to tears. 3 amazing books came before it in the Dark Tower series, we’d barely learned a thing about Roland at this point, and the first major thing we learn about him is the epic, heartbreaking tale he tells in this novel.
30. Insomnia. This is one of the few I’ve read over and over. I used to have about 75% of his books and was planning to make it a full collection and keep up as new ones came out, but life got in the way of that. Most I owned got re-read once or twice, but Insomnia would get picked up about every 2-4 months for a read.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--The Happiest Humans Embrace Failure

The Happiest Humans Embrace Failure

Failure means you put yourself out there .
You were brave enough to try , to take a chance on yourself , to test your own limitations .
You might have failed this time around , but it doesn ’ t mean you ’ re going to fail the next time .
You need to keep going .
You need to maintain your streak of fearlessness .
You can not entertain the possibility of quitting when you want something this badly .
One or two or ten nos should never stop you from chasing after your dreams .
Remember , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ try .
It takes hard work , time , and effort in order to reach your destination .
Failure means you ’ re learning .
It means you ’ re inching one step closer to success .
Remember , even baby steps are worth taking .
Even baby steps are guiding you closer and closer to your dreams .
You aren ’ t going to reach success overnight .
You aren ’ t going to achieve your goals in a matter of hours .
You have to remain patient .
You have to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even when it feels like you aren ’ t getting anywhere , even when it feels like you are fighting a losing battle .
Just because you can not see an endpoint doesn ’ t mean it ’ s not within your reach .
Failure means you ’ re rising above your doubts and insecurities .
It means you are bigger than your own fears .
It doesn ’ t matter how talented you are or how many years of experience you have under your belt .
No matter what , there are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ whether you have what it takes .
There are going to be moments when your doubts overwhelm you .
But you can ’ t give up on yourself .
You can ’ t allow your demons to win .
You need to push past your fears , push past your insecurities , push past your critics .
History doesn ’ t have to repeat itself .
You can do this .
You know you can .
Failure means you accept you are imperfect and are willing to learn , to grow , to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like your failures were wastes of time because you learned something along the journey .
Maybe those lessons didn ’ t help you succeed this time around , but they could be the key the next time .
Remember , whenever you put yourself out there , you are becoming stronger .
You are constantly growing .
You are consistently evolving .
You should trust that you are headed in the right direction .
If you want to see success , you just have to keep going .
Failure means you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that mean the most to you .
It means you ’ re not going to let anything get in the way of your goals .
Although you ’ re allowed to be upset about your failures , really , they aren ’ t a reason to cry .
They ’ re a reason to celebrate .
They mean you ’ re actively trying to make something of yourself , to better yourself , to create a fulfilling life for yourself .
They mean you ’ re strong enough to put effort into what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ if there ’ s a chance it won ’ t work out the way you planned .

Failure means you put yourself out there. You were brave enough to try, to take a chance on yourself, to test your own limitations.
You might have failed this time around, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to fail the next time. You need to keep going. You need to maintain your streak of fearlessness. You cannot entertain the possibility of quitting when you want something this badly. One or two or ten nos should never stop you from chasing after your dreams. Remember, no one is successful on their first try. It takes hard work, time, and effort in order to reach your destination.
Failure means you’re learning. It means you’re inching one step closer to success.
Remember, even baby steps are worth taking. Even baby steps are guiding you closer and closer to your dreams. You aren’t going to reach success overnight. You aren’t going to achieve your goals in a matter of hours. You have to remain patient. You have to continue putting energy into your dreams, even when it feels like you aren’t getting anywhere, even when it feels like you are fighting a losing battle. Just because you cannot see an endpoint doesn’t mean it’s not within your reach.
Failure means you’re rising above your doubts and insecurities. It means you are bigger than your own fears.
It doesn’t matter how talented you are or how many years of experience you have under your belt. No matter what, there are going to be times when you question whether you have what it takes. There are going to be moments when your doubts overwhelm you. But you can’t give up on yourself. You can’t allow your demons to win. You need to push past your fears, push past your insecurities, push past your critics. History doesn’t have to repeat itself. You can do this. You know you can.
Failure means you accept you are imperfect and are willing to learn, to grow, to thrive.
You shouldn’t feel like your failures were wastes of time because you learned something along the journey. Maybe those lessons didn’t help you succeed this time around, but they could be the key the next time. Remember, whenever you put yourself out there, you are becoming stronger. You are constantly growing. You are consistently evolving. You should trust that you are headed in the right direction. If you want to see success, you just have to keep going.
Failure means you’re willing to put effort into the things that mean the most to you. It means you’re not going to let anything get in the way of your goals.
Although you’re allowed to be upset about your failures, really, they aren’t a reason to cry. They’re a reason to celebrate. They mean you’re actively trying to make something of yourself, to better yourself, to create a fulfilling life for yourself. They mean you’re strong enough to put effort into what means the most to you, even if there’s a chance it won’t work out the way you planned.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--This Is How To Start Over, Even If You’re Staying Right Where You Are

When it ’ s time to start over , you won ’ t know you ’ re at the start of a new beginning , because all it will feel like is an overwhelming end .
All of a sudden , and possibly out of nowhere , something you ’ ve known has come to a halt .
It ’ s likely that this thing was something you were deeply attached to , hopeful about , or invested in , because the truth is that our lives are shifting and adapting all of the time , and the only instances @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with them are when we ’ re too stuck to see another way forward .
It will feel , for a moment , as though the world is crashing in on you .
The resounding feeling that you ’ ll experience is one of total defeat .
You ’ ll wonder what ’ s next , and how you will ever possibly go on .
Right now , you ’ re able to measure what you ’ re going to lose , but not what you ’ re going to gain .
Because @ @ @ @ @ @ @ us , we don ’ t even realize that we have to let go , only that what we ’ re doing now is not working .
Even if it seems like the “ rug was pulled out from under you , ” it wasn ’ t .
This hadn ’ t been working for a long time and you were in denial .
Your delusions and dreams about how it would transform into something you want it to be are just that — unreal .
It ’ s time to get out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the now , into your actual life .
That is what it means to start over .
It does not always mean to wipe the slate clean , to mourn for what was pulled away from us mercilessly and without warning .
It usually means that it ’ s time to reconcile what we ’ ve known wasn ’ t working all along , what those things were acting as a bandaid for .
When we ’ re too attached to the outcome of something , and we have little tolerance for its @ @ @ @ @ @ @ usually because we are using that thing to hide something about ourselves , and that something is our dissatisfaction .
Maybe a relationship ended and you can not imagine how you ’ ll date again .
Maybe you ’ ve realized a career path isn ’ t viable and you can not imagine how you ’ ll ever make money in the future .
Maybe you ’ re finally accepting that you know you need to move , but the idea of establishing yourself in a new place with new people seems too @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is that deep down , the relationship that ended was a distraction from the relationship you don ’ t have with yourself .
The career path that didn ’ t pan out was never viable , you were just unwilling to try something outside of your comfort zone , and nothing new is within in .
The place you need to leave might have been right for a while , but you ’ ve outgrown it , and your life is no longer supporting the person you want to be or the place @ @ @ @ @ @ @ think that the answer here is to abruptly uproot it all and start with a clean slate , but that ’ s almost never the reality .
The truth is that you will have to spend many nights by yourself , in candlelight , making yourself dinner , learning to love yourself , to date yourself , to be alone with yourself and enjoy that time .
You will have to stay precisely where you are and learn to mend the wound of your unworthiness before you can be loved .
The truth @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back to the starting point of your job , and work with what you have and what you ’ ve done .
Remember what you ’ re good at , what you ’ re experienced in , what you feel called to .
The intersection of those things are your path , and your path is right in front of you , even if another option is more appealing .
The truth is that you will have to build a home no matter where you are .
You will have to decorate and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have to find rhythms and routines .
You will have to be vulnerable , and you will have to be seen .
There is nowhere we can turn to that is an escape from ourselves .
It ’ s time to start over , and it ’ s time to begin right here .
Weed out what ’ s dead in your life .
Nourish the garden around your soul .
Start where you are and with what you have .
Close the gaps in your own foundation .
Deepen your roots and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how you feel .
We can not keep running in circles and expect our lives to blossom , we have to stay where we are and have the courage to heal what ’ s broken within us before turning to yet another outside source to mend the damage .
When we live like this , we exist in a constant state of running from ourselves .
The truth is that we can start over right where we are , because at any time , we can change the way we see ourselves and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ all healing is , anyway .
It ’ s realizing that your inner love is inherent to you and always has been , it ’ s just been buried behind doubt .
It ’ s realizing that your path forward is innate to you and always has been , it ’ s just been hiding behind denial .
It ’ s realizing that the place you ’ re supposed to be is right where you are now , even if it ’ s not where you ’ ll be forever .
We heal @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we show up , not how we change what we show up to .
Because the truth is that our lives are very often a reflection , and extension , of ourselves .
And we can run to the ends of the earth and still not feel whole because what we were looking for was not a revolutionized life , but a reinvention of the way we see , what we perceive , and how we feel .
That ’ s work that starts right here , and right now .
No matter @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are always with you — until the very end .
Nothing will save you from yourself , and nothing can .
The point was never that you adjusted everything around you until it was made perfect , but that you adjusted the way you see everything until you realize that it is enough , and it always has been .

When it’s time to start over, you won’t know you’re at the start of a new beginning, because all it will feel like is an overwhelming end.
All of a sudden, and possibly out of nowhere, something you’ve known has come to a halt. It’s likely that this thing was something you were deeply attached to, hopeful about, or invested in, because the truth is that our lives are shifting and adapting all of the time, and the only instances in which we don’t move with them are when we’re too stuck to see another way forward.
It will feel, for a moment, as though the world is crashing in on you.
The resounding feeling that you’ll experience is one of total defeat. You’ll wonder what’s next, and how you will ever possibly go on. Right now, you’re able to measure what you’re going to lose, but not what you’re going to gain.
And that’s if you’re lucky.
Because the truth is that for most of us, we don’t even realize that we have to let go, only that what we’re doing now is not working.
Even if it seems like the “rug was pulled out from under you,” it wasn’t. This hadn’t been working for a long time and you were in denial. Your delusions and dreams about how it would transform into something you want it to be are just that — unreal. It’s time to get out of that and into reality, into the now, into your actual life.
That is what it means to start over.
It does not always mean to wipe the slate clean, to mourn for what was pulled away from us mercilessly and without warning.
It usually means that it’s time to reconcile what we’ve known wasn’t working all along, what those things were acting as a bandaid for. When we’re too attached to the outcome of something, and we have little tolerance for its presence changing whatsoever, it’s usually because we are using that thing to hide something about ourselves, and that something is our dissatisfaction.
Maybe a relationship ended and you cannot imagine how you’ll date again.
Maybe you’ve realized a career path isn’t viable and you cannot imagine how you’ll ever make money in the future.
Maybe you’re finally accepting that you know you need to move, but the idea of establishing yourself in a new place with new people seems too daunting to even try.
The truth is that deep down, the relationship that ended was a distraction from the relationship you don’t have with yourself. The career path that didn’t pan out was never viable, you were just unwilling to try something outside of your comfort zone, and nothing new is within in. The place you need to leave might have been right for a while, but you’ve outgrown it, and your life is no longer supporting the person you want to be or the place you want to go.
You might think that the answer here is to abruptly uproot it all and start with a clean slate, but that’s almost never the reality.
The truth is that you will have to spend many nights by yourself, in candlelight, making yourself dinner, learning to love yourself, to date yourself, to be alone with yourself and enjoy that time. You will have to stay precisely where you are and learn to mend the wound of your unworthiness before you can be loved.
The truth is that you will have to go back to the starting point of your job, and work with what you have and what you’ve done. Remember what you’re good at, what you’re experienced in, what you feel called to. The intersection of those things are your path, and your path is right in front of you, even if another option is more appealing.
The truth is that you will have to build a home no matter where you are. You will have to decorate and settle and reach out. You will have to find rhythms and routines. You will have to be vulnerable, and you will have to be seen.
There is nowhere we can turn to that is an escape from ourselves.
It’s time to start over, and it’s time to begin right here.
Weed out what’s dead in your life.
Nourish the garden around your soul.
Start where you are and with what you have.
Stand on what you’ve built.
Close the gaps in your own foundation.
Strengthen what already exists.
Deepen your roots and spread your branches wide.
Then see how you feel.
We cannot keep running in circles and expect our lives to blossom, we have to stay where we are and have the courage to heal what’s broken within us before turning to yet another outside source to mend the damage.
When we live like this, we exist in a constant state of running from ourselves.
The truth is that we can start over right where we are, because at any time, we can change the way we see ourselves and our lives, and that’s all healing is, anyway.
It’s realizing that your inner love is inherent to you and always has been, it’s just been buried behind doubt.
It’s realizing that your path forward is innate to you and always has been, it’s just been hiding behind denial.
It’s realizing that the place you’re supposed to be is right where you are now, even if it’s not where you’ll be forever.
We heal when we learn how to adjust how we show up, not how we change what we show up to.
Because the truth is that our lives are very often a reflection, and extension, of ourselves. And we can run to the ends of the earth and still not feel whole because what we were looking for was not a revolutionized life, but a reinvention of the way we see, what we perceive, and how we feel.
That’s work that starts right here, and right now.
No matter where your life takes you, you are always with you — until the very end.
Nothing will save you from yourself, and nothing can.
The point was never that you adjusted everything around you until it was made perfect, but that you adjusted the way you see everything until you realize that it is enough, and it always has been.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--If They Run Away When Things Get Hard, They Never Deserved You Anyway

You ’ re allowed to break down in front of your person .
You ’ re allowed to rant to them about your problems .
You ’ re allowed to show them the sides of yourself you usually keep private .
You shouldn ’ t feel embarrassed about opening up to them about your past issues or about filling them in on your current drama .
If there is a problem in your life , you should feel comfortable discussing it with them .
You shouldn ’ t feel forced to keep secrets .
You shouldn ’ t feel like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shield them from your problems in order to keep the spark alive .
If you ’ re in a serious relationship with this person , they deserve to hear what you have to say .
They should be there to support you when you ’ re struggling .
They should be a shoulder to lean on when you ’ re distressed .
They should be one of the rare people you know always has your back , no matter how bad things get .
If your person runs away as soon as things @ @ @ @ @ @ @ blame yourself .
You shouldn ’ t feel like you ’ ve done something wrong .
You shouldn ’ t wish you were less honest and upfront with them .
It ’ s good that you were transparent .
It ’ s good that you kept them in the loop .
You shouldn ’ t feel pressured to hide bits and pieces of yourself .
You shouldn ’ t feel pressured to lie to them .
You shouldn ’ t feel pressured to pretend everything is fine because they will bolt the second @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will be there during your good times and bad times .
They will want you around , even when you ’ re falling apart .
They won ’ t run away when tears form in your eyes .
They won ’ t leave you to deal with your problems by yourself .
They will consider your hardships their hardships .
They will be your partner , your teammate , your rock .
You will get through your rough times together .
If your person isn ’ t interested in helping you through your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t deserve you during your highest points .
After all , serious relationships aren ’ t always going to be fun and exciting .
When you settle down with someone , you ’ re there for their dark moments , too .
You ’ re going to see what happens when they have bad days .
You ’ re going to see what they ’ re like when they ’ re upset .
They can ’ t be happy all the time .
They can ’ t always be in a good mood @ @ @ @ @ @ @ understand that you are multifaceted .
You are complex .
You can be fun and flirty — but you can also be dreary and dark .
You aren ’ t going to act exactly the same every single day and that ’ s okay .
The right person will try their best to understand you , to be there for you , to encourage you .
If someone runs away as soon as life gets hard , they aren ’ t going to be a great partner anyway .
They aren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the way you need to be supported .
Without them , you can find somebody new .
Somebody who will be there during your good and bad days .

You’re allowed to break down in front of your person. You’re allowed to rant to them about your problems. You’re allowed to show them the sides of yourself you usually keep private.
You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about opening up to them about your past issues or about filling them in on your current drama. If there is a problem in your life, you should feel comfortable discussing it with them. You shouldn’t feel forced to keep secrets. You shouldn’t feel like you need to tiptoe around them and shield them from your problems in order to keep the spark alive.
If you’re in a serious relationship with this person, they deserve to hear what you have to say. They should be there to support you when you’re struggling. They should be a shoulder to lean on when you’re distressed. They should be one of the rare people you know always has your back, no matter how bad things get.
If your person runs away as soon as things get hard, you shouldn’t blame yourself. You shouldn’t feel like you’ve done something wrong. You shouldn’t wish you were less honest and upfront with them.
It’s good that you were transparent. It’s good that you kept them in the loop. You shouldn’t feel pressured to hide bits and pieces of yourself. You shouldn’t feel pressured to lie to them. You shouldn’t feel pressured to pretend everything is fine because they will bolt the second things get complicated.
The right person will be there during your good times and bad times. They will want you around, even when you’re falling apart. They won’t run away when tears form in your eyes. They won’t leave you to deal with your problems by yourself. They will consider your hardships their hardships. They will be your partner, your teammate, your rock. You will get through your rough times together.
If your person isn’t interested in helping you through your lowest points, then they don’t deserve you during your highest points.
After all, serious relationships aren’t always going to be fun and exciting. When you settle down with someone, you’re there for their dark moments, too. You’re going to see what happens when they have bad days. You’re going to see what they’re like when they’re upset. They can’t be happy all the time. They can’t always be in a good mood.
The right person for you will understand that you are multifaceted. You are complex. You can be fun and flirty — but you can also be dreary and dark. You aren’t going to act exactly the same every single day and that’s okay. The right person will try their best to understand you, to be there for you, to encourage you.
If someone runs away as soon as life gets hard, they aren’t going to be a great partner anyway. They aren’t going to be able to support you the way you need to be supported. Without them, you can find somebody new. Somebody who will be there during your good and bad days.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--Toxic Humans Are Never Going To Fight Fair

Toxic humans aren ’ t going to let you go without a fight .
Even though they might treat you like nothing for weeks , months , or years — they will change their tune as soon as you consider leaving .
They aren ’ t going to respect your decision to remove yourself from such a toxic environment .
They aren ’ t going to take the mature route , take responsibility for their actions , and allow you to walk away willingly .
They are going to kick and scream .
They are going to bawl their eyes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
They are going to twist truths and warp scenarios to make you feel guilty .
They are going to give half-baked apologies by placing the blame on their parents , their exes , their upbringing , their baggage .
When that doesn ’ t work , they are going to blame you .
They are going to accuse you of lying about loving them .
They are going to convince you there ’ s no one else in the world who will put up with you the way they have in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your every flaw .
They are going to try their hardest to destroy your self-esteem so you lose the energy to fight , so you forget about walking away .
Toxic humans aren ’ t going to fight fair , even after you ’ re gone .
They are going to spin the story of your breakup whenever they run into a mutual friend .
They are going to post blatant lies on social media to make you look like the bad guy , to make the world feel sorry for them , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one who is struggling when you are really the one who has been put through unbelievable pain .
Toxic humans are going to try their best to convince you it ’ s easier to stay and settle for them than it is to leave them .
But you can not allow them to control you .
You can not choose the ‘ easy ’ path when it is making you so miserable .
You need to stay strong .
You need to do what is right for your own mental health .
If @ @ @ @ @ @ @ deserve to leave them .
You deserve to get out as soon as possible .
Don ’ t feel guilty about doing what is best for yourself .
You aren ’ t selfish .
You aren ’ t heartless .
They might accuse you of breaking a promise to stay with them through thick and thin — but think about how many promises they have broken .
Think about what they have put you through .
Then think about whether you would find it acceptable if your best friend or daughter or sibling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Think about the advice you would give them .
Would you tell them to stick it out ?
Or would you tell them to run run run ?
If you want to leave , then go .
Don ’ t second guess your decision .
Don ’ t let your partner talk you out of the breakup because toxic humans don ’ t fight fair .
They will say absolutely anything to get you to stay .
But you always have a choice .
You don ’ t have to listen to them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stay with them .

Toxic humans aren’t going to let you go without a fight. Even though they might treat you like nothing for weeks, months, or years — they will change their tune as soon as you consider leaving.
They aren’t going to respect your decision to remove yourself from such a toxic environment. They aren’t going to take the mature route, take responsibility for their actions, and allow you to walk away willingly.
They are going to kick and scream. They are going to bawl their eyes out and beg you to forgive them. They are going to twist truths and warp scenarios to make you feel guilty. They are going to give half-baked apologies by placing the blame on their parents, their exes, their upbringing, their baggage.
When that doesn’t work, they are going to blame you. They are going to accuse you of lying about loving them. They are going to convince you there’s no one else in the world who will put up with you the way they have in the past. They are going to pinpoint your every flaw. They are going to try their hardest to destroy your self-esteem so you lose the energy to fight, so you forget about walking away.
Toxic humans aren’t going to fight fair, even after you’re gone. They are going to spin the story of your breakup whenever they run into a mutual friend. They are going to post blatant lies on social media to make you look like the bad guy, to make the world feel sorry for them, to make everyone assume they are the one who is struggling when you are really the one who has been put through unbelievable pain.
Toxic humans are going to try their best to convince you it’s easier to stay and settle for them than it is to leave them. But you cannot allow them to control you. You cannot choose the ‘easy’ path when it is making you so miserable. You need to stay strong. You need to do what is right for your own mental health.
If you are with someone toxic, you deserve to leave them. You deserve to get out as soon as possible. Don’t feel guilty about doing what is best for yourself. You aren’t selfish. You aren’t heartless.
They might accuse you of breaking a promise to stay with them through thick and thin — but think about how many promises they have broken. Think about what they have put you through. Then think about whether you would find it acceptable if your best friend or daughter or sibling was being put through this hell. Think about the advice you would give them. Would you tell them to stick it out? Or would you tell them to run run run?
If you want to leave, then go. Don’t second guess your decision. Don’t let your partner talk you out of the breakup because toxic humans don’t fight fair. They will say absolutely anything to get you to stay. But you always have a choice. You don’t have to listen to them. You don’t have to stay with them.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-24--What Each Zodiac Sign Needs To Work On To Become A Better Friend

You need to act more supportive .
You need to cheer your friends on .
You need to root for them to win .
You need to work on your social skills .
You need to reach out to your friends more and make plans more .
You need to become more consistent .
You need to be there for your friends , even when it ’ s inconvenient , even when you would rather be doing something else .
You need to work on your mood swings .
You can ’ t throw a temper every time something goes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ keep your cool .
You have to act more laidback .
You have to let your friends take the lead sometimes .
You can ’ t always take control .
You have to be more open-minded .
You have to stop assuming your opinion is the right one .
You have to be less helpful .
Sometimes the best thing you can do for your friends is let them handle their problems on their own .
You can ’ t let them off the hook all the time .
You need to develop @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to try your best to relate to what they ’ re going through , even when you haven ’ t been through something similar yourself .
You need to work on your authenticity .
You need to stop telling little white lies and be more honest .
You can ’ t keep secrets from the people you love the most .
You need to work on your bedside manner .
You need to learn how to comfort your friends when they are upset .
You need to be more loyal .
You can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you angry .
You need to stay and talk through your problems .
You need to be more assertive .
You can ’ t let friends walk over you .
You have to stand up for yourself .

Aries
You need to act more supportive. You need to cheer your friends on. You need to root for them to win.
Taurus
You need to work on your social skills. You need to reach out to your friends more and make plans more.
Gemini
You need to become more consistent. You need to be there for your friends, even when it’s inconvenient, even when you would rather be doing something else.
Cancer
You need to work on your mood swings. You can’t throw a temper every time something goes wrong. You have to learn to keep your cool.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Leo
You have to act more laidback. You have to let your friends take the lead sometimes. You can’t always take control.
Virgo
You have to be more open-minded. You have to stop assuming your opinion is the right one.
Libra
You have to be less helpful. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your friends is let them handle their problems on their own. You can’t let them off the hook all the time.
Scorpio
You need to develop stronger empathy for others. You need to try your best to relate to what they’re going through, even when you haven’t been through something similar yourself.
Sagittarius
You need to work on your authenticity. You need to stop telling little white lies and be more honest. You can’t keep secrets from the people you love the most.
Capricorn
You need to work on your bedside manner. You need to learn how to comfort your friends when they are upset.
Aquarius
You need to be more loyal. You can’t leave the second someone gets you angry. You need to stay and talk through your problems.
Pisces
You need to be more assertive. You can’t let friends walk over you. You have to stand up for yourself.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-27--How Each Zodiac Wants To Be Kissed

How Each Zodiac Wants To Be Kissed

They want to be kissed with passion and intensity .
They want to feel your excitement .
They want cute , playful kisses on their foreheads when you leave for work or class .
They want to be kissed on the neck while you hug them from behind .
They want to feel your whole body pressed against them .
They want to be kissed slowly and tenderly .
They want it to mean something .
They want to be kissed roughly and hungrily .
They don ’ t mind if biting is involved .
They want to be kissed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cozy in bed with you .
They want to be kissed chastely , on the cheek or hand .
They want to start slow .
They want to be kissed without warning .
They want you to surprise them when they least expect it .
They want to be thrown against the wall and kissed .
They want you to act wild and adventurous .
They want to be kissed all over their body .
They want to feel your lips everywhere .
They want to be kissed someplace beautiful , in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ want to be kissed while you ’ re holding hands or while you ’ re playing with their hair .

Aries
They want to be kissed with passion and intensity. They want to feel your excitement.
Taurus
They want cute, playful kisses on their foreheads when you leave for work or class.
Gemini
They want to be kissed on the neck while you hug them from behind. They want to feel your whole body pressed against them.
Cancer
They want to be kissed slowly and tenderly. They want it to mean something.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Leo
They want to be kissed roughly and hungrily. They don’t mind if biting is involved.
Virgo
They want to be kissed while cuddling. They want to be cozy in bed with you.
Libra
They want to be kissed chastely, on the cheek or hand. They want to start slow.
Scorpio
They want to be kissed without warning. They want you to surprise them when they least expect it.
Sagittarius
They want to be thrown against the wall and kissed. They want you to act wild and adventurous.
Capricorn
They want to be kissed all over their body. They want to feel your lips everywhere.
Aquarius
They want to be kissed someplace beautiful, in the moonlight or during a sunrise.
Pisces
They want to be kissed while you’re holding hands or while you’re playing with their hair.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-27--It’s Not Selfish To Cut These 6 Types Of People Out Of Your Life

1 .
People who you have a history with — but not a present .
You don ’ t have to keep people in your life , simply because they were important to you when you were younger .
People grow .
People change .
If you ’ re completely different now that you were younger , if you ’ ve grown apart , it ’ s okay to part ways .
It doesn ’ t mean you hate them .
It doesn ’ t mean you ’ ve forgotten about the good times you ’ ve shared with them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t fit into each other ’ s lives anymore .
And you can always reconnect in the future if that changes .
2 .
People who make you feel worse about yourself .
Your friends and family members are allowed to call you out when you screw up .
It ’ s healthy for them to be honest with you .
However , they shouldn ’ t be constantly harping on your flaws and making mean jokes and causing you to feel shitty about yourself .
These people are supposed to be your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ believe in you .
They are supposed to remind you of your value .
If they ’ ve only been making your self-doubts worse , then it ’ s probably time to put them in your rearview .
3 .
People who have wildly different views than you on basic beliefs .
Opposites attract .
You don ’ t need to hang out with clones of yourself .
It ’ s important to surround yourself with different types of people .
However , if they disagree with you on big political issues , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to have rights , it ’ s okay if you can ’ t look past your differences .
It ’ s okay if you need to walk away from them in order to stay sane .
It ’ s okay if you ’ re choosing your morals over their friendship .
4 .
People who absolutely refuse to admit when they are wrong .
It ’ s hard to have a conversation with someone who is too stubborn to admit when they aren ’ t sure what the hell they ’ re talking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to stay friends with someone who refuses to apologize when they mess up .
If someone is too immature to take responsibility for their actions or have a serious , adult conversation with you , it ’ s okay if you ’ ve had enough .
It ’ s okay if you want to leave them behind .
5 .
People who repeatedly cross boundaries .
Your friends and family are only human .
They are bound to make mistakes .
If you kick them out of your life the first time they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to be pretty lonely .
However , it ’ s better to be lonely than surrounded by people who disrespect your boundaries .
If the behavior becomes a pattern , even after you tell them how much it bothers you , there ’ s nothing wrong with walking away .
In fact , that ’ s exactly what you should do .
6 .
People who you don ’ t want around you anymore .
You don ’ t have to have a huge falling out with someone in order to justify walking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t enjoy their company , if you don ’ t get excited to see them , if you don ’ t have any interest in pursuing the friendship , then you ’ re allowed to walk away .
You ’ re allowed to do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable .
It ’ s not selfish .
It ’ s smart .

1. People who you have a history with — but not a present. You don’t have to keep people in your life, simply because they were important to you when you were younger. People grow. People change. If you’re completely different now that you were younger, if you’ve grown apart, it’s okay to part ways. It doesn’t mean you hate them. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about the good times you’ve shared with them. It simply means you don’t fit into each other’s lives anymore. And you can always reconnect in the future if that changes.
2. People who make you feel worse about yourself. Your friends and family members are allowed to call you out when you screw up. It’s healthy for them to be honest with you. However, they shouldn’t be constantly harping on your flaws and making mean jokes and causing you to feel shitty about yourself. These people are supposed to be your biggest supporters. They are supposed to believe in you. They are supposed to remind you of your value. If they’ve only been making your self-doubts worse, then it’s probably time to put them in your rearview.
3. People who have wildly different views than you on basic beliefs. Opposites attract. You don’t need to hang out with clones of yourself. It’s important to surround yourself with different types of people. However, if they disagree with you on big political issues, like whether or not certain people deserve to have rights, it’s okay if you can’t look past your differences. It’s okay if you need to walk away from them in order to stay sane. It’s okay if you’re choosing your morals over their friendship.
4. People who absolutely refuse to admit when they are wrong. It’s hard to have a conversation with someone who is too stubborn to admit when they aren’t sure what the hell they’re talking about. It’s even harder to stay friends with someone who refuses to apologize when they mess up. If someone is too immature to take responsibility for their actions or have a serious, adult conversation with you, it’s okay if you’ve had enough. It’s okay if you want to leave them behind.
5. People who repeatedly cross boundaries. Your friends and family are only human. They are bound to make mistakes. If you kick them out of your life the first time they mess up, you’re going to be pretty lonely. However, it’s better to be lonely than surrounded by people who disrespect your boundaries. If the behavior becomes a pattern, even after you tell them how much it bothers you, there’s nothing wrong with walking away. In fact, that’s exactly what you should do.
6. People who you don’t want around you anymore. You don’t have to have a huge falling out with someone in order to justify walking away. If you just don’t enjoy their company, if you don’t get excited to see them, if you don’t have any interest in pursuing the friendship, then you’re allowed to walk away. You’re allowed to do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. It’s not selfish. It’s smart.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-27--9 Signs You’re Just In Love With The Idea Of Someone, Not Who They Actually Are

Sometimes , love can exist more in our heads than our hearts .
The truth is that we can fall for someone ’ s potential as easily as we can for their reality , but that feeling isn ’ t really love ; it ’ s attachment , projection , and hope .
Ultimately , you can not be in a relationship with an idea of someone , and this is how to tell if you ’ re confusing who you would like them to be with who they really are .
1 .
You ’ re more in love @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your relationship does better ( or , let ’ s be honest , just exists ) more over texts and messages and FaceTimes , then you ’ re probably facing the first , biggest sign that you ’ re really more in love with an idea than a person .
Of course , this doesn ’ t apply to couples who are long-distance , or separated by other means .
This applies to people who really technically have no reason not to spend time together , move closer to be with one another @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for one another in their lives .
It applies to people who don ’ t have to be apart , but choose to be apart .
If your relationship works better when you ’ re not actually in each other ’ s lives , that ’ s the first sign something might be amiss .
2 .
You don ’ t actually get along when you spend time together .
When you do spend time together , what happens by the end ?
Do you leave feeling excited and peaceful ?
Does it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you find yourself needing alone time pretty quickly ?
Are you bothered by their presence , do they feel like a burden ?
This is another major sign that you might be more in love with an idea .
While every couple argues and feels tense at times , it shouldn ’ t be the predominant pattern in your relationship .
If you can ’ t get through a single day ( or even a hang-out ) without getting on each other ’ s nerves , the truth is that you might not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are .
3 .
You wouldn ’ t want to have them as a friend .
If this person were just an individual with whom you had no romantic or sexual connection , would you want to just hang out with them as a friend ?
If the answer is absolutely not , then you are absolutely not compatible .
It might be tough to imagine them without the layer of desire you feel , but if they aren ’ t the kind of person you ’ d want to spend time with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ role as a partner or some other kind of need , then they might not quite be the person you are hoping they are .
4 .
You wouldn ’ t want to work with them as a colleague .
Another way to frame this question is to consider whether or not you ’ d ever want to work with them .
This might be a really technical way to think about it , but if this isn ’ t a person you ’ d ever want to work or collaborate with , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one ongoing collaboration , that could absolutely be compared to partnership in a work-sense .
Is this a person you would trust with your money , or your livelihood ?
Do you trust their vision , or their opinion ?
Would you want to work with them in any capacity ?
If the answer is a hard “ no ” to all of the above , that ’ s another sign you might be seeing them through lust-colored glasses .
5 .
You have huge differences in your values , priorities or future @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , you assume that love will conquer all and that feelings are all that matter .
When you get a little older , you start to realize that love is not enough , compatibility must be present , too .
Compatibility is more than just “ do we get along in general , ” it ’ s also , “ are there enough similarities between the way we want to live our lives ?
” The truth is that people can only compromise so much , and if there are any major and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ forward ( where you want to live , the timeline of your relationship , kids or no kids , religion or no religion , etc . )
it might be something you want to address before you go any farther .
6 .
They ’ ve verbally told you that they aren ’ t going to commit .
Sometimes , people tell us the truth about who we are , and we simply don ’ t listen .
It ’ s a common thing to hear people say that , looking back , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as it did because the other person more or less told them that it would .
Phrases like “ you shouldn ’ t trust me , ” or “ I ’ m not looking for anything serious right now , ” are signs that they aren ’ t really interested in you , but are somewhat interested in something you can offer them .
Therefore , they ’ ll keep you around to fill a need , but won ’ t fill yours in return .
If you ’ re confused about where @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
The answer is no even if you have a laundry list of reasons why it should be yes .
The answer is no even if you are absolutely certain this person was fated to be with you , that you have an electric , once-in-a-lifetime connection , and so on and so forth .
The answer is no unless that person is committing to you in the moment and showing up for you in a way that is respectful and honors your dignity , integrity and presence in a relationship .
Anything @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they , or you , are too afraid to accept .
8 .
You sabotage any efforts to move forward with the relationship .
Sometimes , when we don ’ t want to accept that we don ’ t want a relationship , we subconsciously self-sabotage it instead of making a clean break .
You might see these behaviors in yourself , or in your partner .
Either way , you ’ ll probably find that you sabotage efforts to move in together , or take things to the next step in one @ @ @ @ @ @ @ deep down , you know this isn ’ t what you want , but you ’ re not ready to come to terms with it .
9 .
Deep down , you know this isn ’ t your person , but you ’ re afraid of what ’ s next .
The reason why we hold onto people who aren ’ t right for us is because we are afraid of what is ( or isn ’ t ) next in our lives .
Those people steady us , they act as anchors @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that we have a plan .
What we don ’ t realize is that another person can not be our path .
Another person can walk down a path parallel to ours , but if we don ’ t know where we are headed , we risk walking along theirs , never to find who we really are or what we really want .
We never hold onto wrong relationships more than when we ’ re terrified of what might be next in our lives .
Instead of trying to sleuth out whether @ @ @ @ @ @ @ someone , consider trying to figure out what ’ s meant for you .

Sometimes, love can exist more in our heads than our hearts. The truth is that we can fall for someone’s potential as easily as we can for their reality, but that feeling isn’t really love; it’s attachment, projection, and hope. Ultimately, you cannot be in a relationship with an idea of someone, and this is how to tell if you’re confusing who you would like them to be with who they really are.
1. You’re more in love when you’re apart.
If your relationship does better (or, let’s be honest, just exists) more over texts and messages and FaceTimes, then you’re probably facing the first, biggest sign that you’re really more in love with an idea than a person.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to couples who are long-distance, or separated by other means. This applies to people who really technically have no reason not to spend time together, move closer to be with one another, or at least carve out space for one another in their lives.
It applies to people who don’t have to be apart, but choose to be apart.
If your relationship works better when you’re not actually in each other’s lives, that’s the first sign something might be amiss.
2. You don’t actually get along when you spend time together.
When you do spend time together, what happens by the end?
Do you leave feeling excited and peaceful? Does it always erupt into an argument? Do you find yourself needing alone time pretty quickly? Are you bothered by their presence, do they feel like a burden?
This is another major sign that you might be more in love with an idea. While every couple argues and feels tense at times, it shouldn’t be the predominant pattern in your relationship. If you can’t get through a single day (or even a hang-out) without getting on each other’s nerves, the truth is that you might not be as compatible as you believe you are.
3. You wouldn’t want to have them as a friend.
If this person were just an individual with whom you had no romantic or sexual connection, would you want to just hang out with them as a friend?
If the answer is absolutely not, then you are absolutely not compatible. It might be tough to imagine them without the layer of desire you feel, but if they aren’t the kind of person you’d want to spend time with if they weren’t filling a role as a partner or some other kind of need, then they might not quite be the person you are hoping they are.
4. You wouldn’t want to work with them as a colleague.
Another way to frame this question is to consider whether or not you’d ever want to work with them.
This might be a really technical way to think about it, but if this isn’t a person you’d ever want to work or collaborate with, consider that your primary life relationship is one ongoing collaboration, that could absolutely be compared to partnership in a work-sense.
Is this a person you would trust with your money, or your livelihood?
Do you trust their vision, or their opinion?
Would you want to work with them in any capacity?
If the answer is a hard “no” to all of the above, that’s another sign you might be seeing them through lust-colored glasses.
5. You have huge differences in your values, priorities or future plans.
When you’re young, you assume that love will conquer all and that feelings are all that matter.
When you get a little older, you start to realize that love is not enough, compatibility must be present, too.
Compatibility is more than just “do we get along in general,” it’s also, “are there enough similarities between the way we want to live our lives?” The truth is that people can only compromise so much, and if there are any major and distinct differences in what you want going forward (where you want to live, the timeline of your relationship, kids or no kids, religion or no religion, etc.) it might be something you want to address before you go any farther.
6. They’ve verbally told you that they aren’t going to commit.
Sometimes, people tell us the truth about who we are, and we simply don’t listen.
It’s a common thing to hear people say that, looking back, they knew the relationship would pan out as it did because the other person more or less told them that it would.
Phrases like “you shouldn’t trust me,” or “I’m not looking for anything serious right now,” are signs that they aren’t really interested in you, but are somewhat interested in something you can offer them. Therefore, they’ll keep you around to fill a need, but won’t fill yours in return.
7. They’re giving you extremely mixed signals.
If you’re confused about where they stand, the answer is no.
The answer is no even if you have a laundry list of reasons why it should be yes. The answer is no even if you are absolutely certain this person was fated to be with you, that you have an electric, once-in-a-lifetime connection, and so on and so forth.
The answer is no unless that person is committing to you in the moment and showing up for you in a way that is respectful and honors your dignity, integrity and presence in a relationship.
Anything less is a “no” that they, or you, are too afraid to accept.
8. You sabotage any efforts to move forward with the relationship.
Sometimes, when we don’t want to accept that we don’t want a relationship, we subconsciously self-sabotage it instead of making a clean break.
You might see these behaviors in yourself, or in your partner.
Either way, you’ll probably find that you sabotage efforts to move in together, or take things to the next step in one way or another. This is because deep down, you know this isn’t what you want, but you’re not ready to come to terms with it.
9. Deep down, you know this isn’t your person, but you’re afraid of what’s next.
The reason why we hold onto people who aren’t right for us is because we are afraid of what is (or isn’t) next in our lives.
Those people steady us, they act as anchors and life-preservers. They make us think that we have a plan. What we don’t realize is that another person cannot be our path. Another person can walk down a path parallel to ours, but if we don’t know where we are headed, we risk walking along theirs, never to find who we really are or what we really want.
We never hold onto wrong relationships more than when we’re terrified of what might be next in our lives.
Instead of trying to sleuth out whether or not you’re meant for someone, consider trying to figure out what’s meant for you.


thoughtcatalog--2020-08-27--Save Yourself The Trouble And Avoid Dating These 6 Types Of Guys

1 .
The jealous guy .
You might think his jealousy is cute at first .
You might think it shows how much he cares about you .
But that cuteness won ’ t last forever .
Soon , that jealousy will turn into controlling behavior .
He will try to dictate what you ’ re allowed to wear , who you ’ re allowed to be friends with , and what time you ’ re allowed to leave the house .
And if you don ’ t listen to him , there are going to be plenty of fights @ @ @ @ @ @ @ guys who are overly jealous at all costs .
2 .
The guy with a million crazy exes .
Chances are , his exes were perfectly normal .
If he is unable to talk about his past relationships in a mature way , how do you think he ’ s going to talk about you when your relationship ends ?
Even if you stay together , how do you think he ’ ll treat you when you ’ re upset ?
Will he take your concerns seriously ?
Or will he assume you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feelings completely ?
You want to be with someone mature enough to take responsibility when they screw up , not someone who passes on the blame to whoever is convenient .
3 .
The guy with a temper .
You shouldn ’ t have to tiptoe around his feelings to avoid setting him off .
You should be able to talk to him about how you ’ re feeling without worrying about him exploding with rage .
If he can ’ t control his emotions , he ’ s dangerous .
Maybe not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and that ’ s bad enough .
You don ’ t want to put yourself in a situation where you ’ re forced to lie to keep the peace .
You should feel comfortable in your relationship .
You should have the freedom to say whatever you need to say .
4 .
The guy who wants to play the field .
If he ’ s not ready to settle down , there ’ s nothing you can do to change his mind .
It doesn ’ t matter how perfect you are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t matter whether you ’ re willing to give him everything he ’ s ever wanted .
If he wants to hop from girl to girl , that ’ s exactly what he ’ s going to do .
He ’ s not going to delete his dating apps .
He ’ s not going to stop talking to his exes .
He ’ s not going to rise to your expectations .
So when he tells you he ’ s not ready for a relationship , take him at his word .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ going to end with a broken heart .
5 .
The guy who wants another mother .
You ’ re not supposed to be babying him .
You ’ re not supposed to be cooking every meal and washing every dish and taking out every bag of garbage .
You are supposed to be equals .
You ’ re not his babysitter and you ’ re not his mother .
If he never pitches in to help you with the chores , he ’ s not worth your time .
You ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ re getting back from him , and that ’ s unfair to you .
Your relationship should be balanced .
You should be putting in the same amount of effort .
6 .
The guy who begs for a third or fourth chance .
He might be worried about losing you right now , but if he really cared , he would ’ ve been worried about losing you long before now .
He wouldn ’ t have risked upsetting you in the first place .
He wouldn ’ t have dared to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have given you reasons to walk away .
If this is his first mistake , maybe you can let it slide , but if history keeps repeating itself , you need to get out of there .

1. The jealous guy. You might think his jealousy is cute at first. You might think it shows how much he cares about you. But that cuteness won’t last forever. Soon, that jealousy will turn into controlling behavior. He will try to dictate what you’re allowed to wear, who you’re allowed to be friends with, and what time you’re allowed to leave the house. And if you don’t listen to him, there are going to be plenty of fights. Save yourself the trouble and avoid guys who are overly jealous at all costs.
2. The guy with a million crazy exes. Chances are, his exes were perfectly normal. If he is unable to talk about his past relationships in a mature way, how do you think he’s going to talk about you when your relationship ends? Even if you stay together, how do you think he’ll treat you when you’re upset? Will he take your concerns seriously? Or will he assume you’re acting crazy and disregard your feelings completely? You want to be with someone mature enough to take responsibility when they screw up, not someone who passes on the blame to whoever is convenient.
3. The guy with a temper. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around his feelings to avoid setting him off. You should be able to talk to him about how you’re feeling without worrying about him exploding with rage. If he can’t control his emotions, he’s dangerous. Maybe not physically, but at least emotionally, and that’s bad enough. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you’re forced to lie to keep the peace. You should feel comfortable in your relationship. You should have the freedom to say whatever you need to say.
4. The guy who wants to play the field. If he’s not ready to settle down, there’s nothing you can do to change his mind. It doesn’t matter how perfect you are for each other. It doesn’t matter whether you’re willing to give him everything he’s ever wanted. If he wants to hop from girl to girl, that’s exactly what he’s going to do. He’s not going to delete his dating apps. He’s not going to stop talking to his exes. He’s not going to rise to your expectations. So when he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, take him at his word. Trying to change his mind is only going to end with a broken heart.
5. The guy who wants another mother. You’re not supposed to be babying him. You’re not supposed to be cooking every meal and washing every dish and taking out every bag of garbage. You are supposed to be equals. You’re not his babysitter and you’re not his mother. If he never pitches in to help you with the chores, he’s not worth your time. You’re giving him much more than you’re getting back from him, and that’s unfair to you. Your relationship should be balanced. You should be putting in the same amount of effort.
6. The guy who begs for a third or fourth chance. He might be worried about losing you right now, but if he really cared, he would’ve been worried about losing you long before now. He wouldn’t have risked upsetting you in the first place. He wouldn’t have dared to hurt you. He wouldn’t have given you reasons to walk away. If this is his first mistake, maybe you can let it slide, but if history keeps repeating itself, you need to get out of there.