thoughtcatalog--2020-09-01--If You Find The Secret TV Channels In Tehachapi, California Please, No Matter What, Don’t Watch

I used to live in a little town called Tehachapi .
No one ’ s ever heard of it , so let me fill you in .
It ’ s a brush-choked desert sandwiched between a bunch of oak-dotted mountains .
It ’ s beautiful in the old west High Sierra way , but there ’ s nothing extraordinary about it .
Tehachapi is still pretty rural .
Back then , though , it was utterly isolated .
The outlying areas especially—Bear Valley Springs , Sand Canyon , Stallion Springs , Alpine Forest—were a nightmare during winter .
The roads @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and stranding some of the people who lived in the higher elevations .
Kids wandered away and got lost in the snow sometimes , although that rarely made the news .
I only know about it because my dad , who was a cop , told me ( he did that sort of thing ) .
It wasn ’ t unusual to come across the carcass of a runaway horse or cow , mauled by the mountain lions that prowled with near-impunity .
Electricity was pretty sporadic at times , especially in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , basically .
To us kids who had moved from cities like Bakersfield or Palmdale , it was kind of like living on the wild frontier .
Other than the fact that we had TV , that is .
Television was pretty much all we had .
Disney Channel , Nickelodeon , PBS , and Cartoon Network were our favorites .
But even as a kid , there ’ s only so much Scooby-Doo and Wishbone you can tolerate .
But it was fine .
The cool thing about Tehachapi—at least , at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
If you set the antennae just right and carefully scanned through the frequencies , you ’ d come across eight or nine indie channels .
You had regular stuff like fire-and-brimstone preachers , creepy puppet shows , and people illegally airing tape-recorded reruns of The Simpsons and , even more bizarrely , La Femme Nikita .
Every night at one AM , there was one guy who broadcast himself doing nothing but staring into the camera .
Another show featured a grown-ass lady in a ridiculous Lolita outfit serving tea to stuffed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to drink for about fifteen minutes , then lose her temper and douse them all in boiling water before ripping their eyes out .
There were others , including a broadcast of seemingly endless litters of newborn kittens .
Someone else randomly showed minute-long clips of their macaw , who screamed , “ I like to bitch , bitch , bitch , yeah , yeah , yeah , I BITCH !
” Anyway , as I said , my dad was a cop at the time .
My mom was a 911 dispatcher @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Eve and Christmas for the time-and-a-half bonuses , and the four of us kids were left alone all night .
As the oldest , I was in charge .
My brothers Jake , Charlie , and Nicky all spooked easily .
The howling wind , rural setting , and occasionally roaring cougar didn ’ t help anything .
The only way to really distract them was with television .
TV gets boring quick , though , especially for antsy kids .
So we invented games .
Find-All-The-Indie-Channels was the most popular game by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was a skilled component to it ; you had to guess exactly when Bitch Parrot and Lolita Tea Party would air , for example .
Finding the channels themselves wasn ’ t exactly easy , either .
But that was why it was fun .
It was passably distracting , and it got us through more dark , windy , snowy nights than I can count .
Anyway , one Christmas Eve—the very first we kids spent alone , I think—we were playing Find-All-The-Indie-Channels .
We weren ’ t having much luck ; @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the landscape , carried by the kind of screaming wind seemingly tailor-made by God Himself to kill reception .
I wasn ’ t really paying attention ; I was staring up over the TV , at an oil painting my dad had just brought home .
It was enormous , a massive landscape with a forest and a snow-capped mountain .
I loved it .
Just as I was about to give up on the channel game , the staticky TV screen brightened into an illustrated swirl of red and green .
“ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ This is new !
” Sound boomed from the TV , so shockingly loud it took me a moment to identify it as music : a swelling orchestral rendition of Jingle Bells .
The red and green jerkily coalesced into a festive title card that quickly faded to black and white : The first thing I noticed was that it looked old .
You know how shows like The Lone Ranger and Andy Griffith have a very dated , canned kind of quality to it ?
That ’ s what it reminded @ @ @ @ @ @ @ exploded .
Each letter broke formation and swung wildly back and forth .
They were on wires , I realized .
It wasn ’ t a title card at all , just an eerie illusion of one .
Someone shot up from the bottom of the frame : diminutive and bony and wearing an oversized Santa hat , with a twisted face that made us all gasp .
It was like a combination of a cartoon witch and a tragically inbred prince .
“ Merry Christmas , children !
” the lanky man @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a smooth , clean tenor that sounded almost handsome .
“ I am your host , Skinny Pete.
” He placed fingers above and below one eye , then stretched it wide open .
Skinny Pete jerked toward the camera .
Then he lurched forward until his head dominated the screen , then kept coming until his eye—round and quivering , with a horizontal cat ’ s-eye pupil—filled the screen .
“ Always remember to be polite , babies .
Christmas is a time for good will and cheer , not insults.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ screen a moment more , blinking once or twice , then pulled back and smiled .
I wished he wouldn ’ t ; the image of bright , perfect teeth in his twisted face made my stomach churn .
Skinny Pete settled back and surveyed his surroundings .
It was a nice-looking house , with the kind of décor I can ’ t really describe , except to say that it was frilly and old-fashioned , the way you ’ d expect your Great-Aunt Gertrude ’ s house to look .
“ Well @ @ @ @ @ @ @ finger at the screen .
“ Your house is nicer , babies .
But this one isn ’ t bad , is it ?
” He grinned , a department store catalog smile set into his malformed face .
“ Let ’ s have a Skinny peek around !
” He chuckled .
For the next several minutes , Skinny Pete gave us a guided tour of the house .
Living room , bathroom , kitchen , dining room .
None of it exceptional , and honestly boring .
“ What was that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ creaked upstairs .
Skinny Pete froze , eyes going so wide they looked like they were bugging out of his face .
Then he grinned and held a finger to his lips .
Skinny Pete tiptoed through the kitchen and up the stairs in an exaggerated manner reminiscent of the Grinch .
Framed pictures hung from the walls .
It was a little hard to tell through the shadows and grainy footage , but I was pretty sure they were family photos .
I couldn ’ t help but wonder at the gruesomeness @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and suddenly wished the video quality was high enough to make their features out .
Reaching the upper floor , Skinny Pete paused at the first door and tapped at it .
The door opened as if in response .
He reached in and flicked on the light , revealing an empty bathroom .
I released a breath I ’ d been holding overlong and quickly gulped another .
Skinny Pete danced to the toilet and pointed .
Impossibly , the water was swirling , lapping at the sides of the bowl as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Skinny Pete covered his mouth with the tips of his fingers and jumped up and down , as if in glee .
Then he darted back into the hall .
He stopped at the next door and tapped .
Again , it opened as if from within .
Skinny Pete ducked inside and turned on the light .
It was clearly an adult ’ s room , also empty : king-size bed , with a large vanity covered in perfume bottles and makeup .
On the opposite side of the room was a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ coats and hats .
Skinny Pete pointed to a tube of lipstick and an open jewelry box .
“ The grownups , ” he whispered , “ are at a party .
They ’ ve left the children home all alone , on Christmas Eve of all nights !
But no worries .
Skinny Pete is here to take care of them !
” Skinny Pete slid out of the room , turning off the light as he went , tapped at the next door , which of course opened as though on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a gleeful grin , he flicked on the light and bellowed : “ Merry Christmas , children !
Skinny Pete has come !
” Two little girls blinked dazedly from their beds .
The room was like a daydream , an idealized version of a children ’ s bedroom : lace curtains and shelves of stuffed animals , illustrated books , and ribbon-embellished furniture .
The younger girl began to cry .
The other , however , smiled tentatively .
“ Skinny Pete ?
You ’ re real ?
” “ Real as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ whisk you away to the Winter Wonder Woodlands !
” “ He said it wrong , ” Charlie murmured .
Onscreen , Skinny Pete visibly stiffened .
“ It ’ s supposed to be ‘ right as rain.
’ ” Skinny Pete turned to glare at the camera , and growled , “ You shut up , now.
” Just as though he were actually looking at us .
Charlie looked at me nervously .
I shrugged and continued watching as Skinny Pete got on with the business of persuading the girls to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Christmas in the Winter Wonder Woodlands .
“ We have hot chocolate , ” he said , “ with marshmallows !
And singing birds and magic deer and happy hoppy bunnies dancing in the snow !
” He snaked forward and perched on the end of their bed .
He gesticulated wildly .
“ We have all the presents you can open , piled under the most beautiful Christmas tree you ’ ve ever seen !
It stretches to the heavens , and I ’ ve decorated it with real stars !
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and dancing bunnies was enough for the girls , although to be fair , it would have been enough for me , too .
Skinny Pete took them each by the hand and danced to the window .
Together , the three of them heaved it open .
Wind whistled in , carrying a flurry of snow .
“ Ready , girls ?
” Skinny Pete looked over his shoulder and gave the camera a wide , perfect smile .
His eyes crinkled .
“ Merry Christmas , babies !
If you ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ year I ’ ll take you to the Winter Wonder Woodlands !
” With that , they clambered onto the windowsill and jumped .
I heard two thuds and a young child ’ s moan .
Then the wind gusted again , its icy shriek drowning whatever might have followed .
The screen faded to black , then slowly came back to life ; a languid , pulsating light that spread , revealing the kind of scene you only see in dreams : a towering Christmas tree lit with candles and an awe-inspiring @ @ @ @ @ @ @ there with what looked like Skinny Pete ’ s promised twinkling stars .
Deer pranced across the snow and rabbits ran rings around them .
As we watched , the deer rose up on hind legs and began to move in a slow circle around the tree .
The rabbits hopped to and fro , kicking up great skirls of snow as they joined the deer in their jerky , disjointed dance .
Skinny Pete peeked from behind the Christmas tree .
He wasn ’ t smiling ; in fact , he looked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a puppet .
His eyes gleamed dimly , a flat , featureless monochrome grey .
The deer began to dance faster , great powerful haunches propelling them into strange , broken jumps .
Their hooves hit the snow with soft thuds , punctuated by their shrill , pain-filled cries .
The screen faded slowly to black .
Then the black disappeared , giving way to the hissing roar of TV snow .
Naturally , that weird shit became tradition , airing ( as we discovered ) every Christmas Eve at 11:13 p.m .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ my brothers and I watched Skinny ’ s Pete ’ s antics from our giant sectional in our equally giant living room , a room our mother had inexplicably decorated with moose art .
It was oddly fitting : a semi-surreal accompaniment to the totally surreal Yuletide Special .
Each year , Skinny Pete hosted a new special , except they all looked old—as my brothers put it , “ black-and-white-times ” old—and they all followed the same script : kids home alone on Christmas Eve , abandoned by their parents for parties @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by Skinny Pete to the Winter Wonder Woodlands for hot chocolate , presents , and fairy tale animals .
Truth be told , I didn ’ t much like it .
Skinny Pete creeped me out , and the episodes were achingly stupid and lacked any semblance of a story .
The only interesting thing was the customary scene of the giant ornamented tree at the end with the twisted , cavorting deer .
My brothers loved it , though ; Jake especially .
Charlie adored it for its sheer weirdness .
Nicky @ @ @ @ @ @ @ watched it for six Christmas Eves straight .
Same title card , same orchestral swell of Christmas music , same Skinny Pete , with his Santa hat , deformed face , and model-tier smile .
The year after our sixth special , things started to change .
I was sixteen and had suddenly outgrown my brothers .
Things that had amused me only months before were suddenly intolerable .
Without any real rhyme or reason , I decided that Jake , now fourteen , had evolved into a raging asshole .
Twelve-year-old Charlie @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but not for long , because he was falling more under Jake ’ s influence with every passing day .
At ten , Nicky was still sweet .
He was the baby , and the babies are always the easiest to handle .
But he was far from perfect .
He stole from the kids at school , ran away at recess , picked fights .
None of it was new , but it was newly infuriating .
Needless to say , by the time the seventh Christmas Eve rolled around , my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of resentment .
Charlie and Nicky were still reasonably close—in fact , they ’ d been playing video games together that entire Christmas Eve—but Jake hid in his room .
I only emerged to cook grilled cheese sandwiches before returning to my own room .
Later that night , with a pang of overwhelming melancholy , I realized this would be the first night in almost half my life that my brothers and I hadn ’ t nestled together to watch Skinny Pete ’ s exquisitely pointless arthouse antics .
It didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and Nicky from the room next door , making jokes and imitating the ridiculous dialogue .
“ If you aren ’ t too good , ” Charlie trilled in an eerie impression of Skinny Pete , “ Maybe next year I ’ ll take yeewoo to the Winter Wonder Woodlands !
” I banged on the wall .
“ Go to sleep !
” Nicky giggled as Charlie mumbled something I couldn ’ t make out .
I rolled my eyes , but let it go .
Let them be dipshits .
They @ @ @ @ @ @ @ What else were they supposed to be ?
After a moment ’ s silence , they exploded into laughter again , followed by moronic giggling , pointless swear words and that stupid Skinny Pete impression .
With a growl , I threw on my coat and went outside for a walk .
It was beautiful : snowy and quiet , the rolling landscape broken only by snow-laden pines and the bare skeletons of elegant oaks and the occasional lonesome house .
The sky spread overhead , blanketed with a mad swirl of stars @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Like the Winter Wonder Woodlands .
I felt another pang of melancholy .
What was I thinking ?
What was I doing ?
It was Christmas Eve !
The most magical night of the year , filled with good will and cheer and happy shit .
And here I was , running away from the most important people in my life .
It took a while—maybe as much as an hour—but eventually , I swallowed my puerile pride and went back home .
It was five past eleven .
I felt an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t too late .
We still had time to catch Skinny Pete ’ s special .
I knocked on Nicky and Charlie ’ s door .
“ Guys ?
” I asked .
I cracked open the bedroom door .
It was pitch-dark and still , with only a box fan to break the silence .
I thought about waking them up , but why ?
They were asleep at a reasonable hour for once .
So I crept down the hall and knocked on Jake ’ s door .
“ Hey.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ to watch it with everybody.
” I rolled my eyes .
“ It ’ s just me .
The little boys are asleep.
” This was enough to coax Jake down to the TV .
I switched it on and flipped through channels while Jake adjusted the antenna .
We found the right channel just as the orchestral Christmas music swelled .
Already a head taller than me , but lean as a rake , Jake plopped down beside me , smiling despite himself as Skinny Pete ’ s grotesque face filled the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
” Skinny Pete trilled .
“ I have a surprise for you tonight !
A brand-new Yuletide Special , my very first in years !
” The film did not look much fresher though , as if it had long since gone to seed , and was now being played following a chance discovery in a deceased dotard ’ s attic .
The camera pulled back , revealing a large living room with a giant sectional , a hundred pieces of moose memorabilia , and a huge oil painting of a familiar @ @ @ @ @ @ @ brew in my guts as I realized that we were looking at our living room .
“ See this house ?
It ’ s a wonderful house .
Every bit as nice , ” he guffawed , pointing at the camera , “ as the house you ’ re in right now !
” Skinny Pete whipped around and pranced down the hall .
He stopped at my parents ’ door .
He tapped it ; it opened as if opened from within , as always , revealing their austere room .
“ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Christmas Eve of all nights !
Nothing new there , right , babies ?
” He scrunched up the left side of his face in an exaggerated wink , then returned to the hallway and tiptoed to my bedroom .
He tapped twice , whereupon the door swung wide .
It was worse than déjà vu , seeing my room displayed on the TV screen in old-fashioned black and white .
“ Nobody home ?
” Disappointment marred his face , quickly replaced with disgust .
His lip curled , twisting his face @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
She knows better , and she still left them all alone on Christmas Eve , of all nights ?
What is she , a grownup ?
” He slammed my door furiously , then pranced to Jake ’ s room , where he paused .
“ We don ’ t talk about him , ” Skinny Pete whispered conspiratorially , long fingers grazing the closed door almost lovingly .
“ He ’ s what those who speak the common , vulgar parlance call a dick.
” I wanted to ask if Jake @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was staring slack-jawed at the screen ; proof enough that I wasn ’ t alone .
Skinny Pete tittered , then crept on to Nicky and Charlie ’ s room .
With a flourish , Skinny Pete threw the door open .
Nicky and Charlie looked up , startled .
They were playing video games .
Polygon characters and blindingly bright landscapes filled their TV screen .
“ Language.
” Skinny Pete wagged his spindly finger .
“ Babies , do you know who I am ?
” “ That ’ s right @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wide .
“ Skinny Pete , come to whisk you away to the Winter Wonder Woodlands for hot chocolate , dancing deer , happy hoppy rabbits , and more presents than you can count , all tucked under the most magnificently Christmassy tree in the whole wide universe !
” Skinny Pete turned around and mugged at the camera .
“ Yes !
A dream come true !
” “ Who are you talking to ?
” Nicky asked the intruder .
Skinny Pete ’ s smile grew even wider .
He winked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back to them .
“ Why , I ’ m talking to all the wonderful folks left at home this fine-as-glühwein Yuletide Eve !
” “ Now , ” Skinny Pete said , “ are you ready to accompany me to the Winter Wonder Woodlands ?
” Charlie swiped at Skinny Pete ’ s face again .
Skinny Pete didn ’ t try to dodge this time ; Charlie snagged his skin and pulled , clearly under the impression that it was a mask .
It parted from Skinny Pete ’ s skull @ @ @ @ @ @ @ leaving a dark oozing mess where human features should have been .
Charlie began to scream .
Hopping in place , Skinny Pete burst out laughing and clapped his hands as Nicky dissolved into tears .
Before I could react , it pulsed back to life , light flickering like a candle , growing until it illuminated a familiar scene : Skinny Pete ’ s fabulously towering tree lit with myriad stars and candles , surrounded by deer and milling rabbits .
As if sensing my attention , the deer rose painfully onto @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , broken dance .
Rabbits hopped toward them and began to circle around their hooves .
Through the deer ’ s cavorting legs , I caught glimpses of a body propped against the tree .
Boy-sized and terribly familiar , with an overlong neck , as if he ’ d been hanged .
I recognized him immediately , even though I didn ’ t want to .
The dance grew feverishly fast as the deer began to bleat and cry .
As they capered faster and faster , Charlie ’ s body began @ @ @ @ @ @ @ if he were an empty sack filled with rats .
Up and up , side to side , until he was on his feet .
His head flopped forward on his overstretched neck , bringing his face into view .
His eyes gleamed , flat and monochrome like dirty glass .
After a while , his jaw began to move , rolling strangely under his skin .
Suddenly it stretched wide .
With several sharp cracks and pops , it swung all the way down to the ground .
Then , from that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mass , and everything went dark , breaking the TV ’ s spell .
Jake and I ran upstairs to Nicky and Charlie ’ s room and threw the door wide .
The sash window was all the way up—something I hadn ’ t noticed when I peeked in earlier .
Wind and snow wafted through , turning the room into an icebox .
Jake switched on the light , illuminating blood-spattered sheets .
On the floor was a wet , crumpled mass of grey .
I picked it up .
It was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out and immediately flung it away with a shriek : Jake raced to the window and looked down .
He recoiled and screamed .
I ran after him , peering over the sill , and burst into tears .
Nicky ’ s twisted body lay partially buried in blood-streaked snow .
His eyes were missing , and the wet , dark holes were already crusted with fresh white powdered snow .
The coroner kept Nicky ’ s body for months .
We didn ’ t get to bury him until June .
They @ @ @ @ @ @ @ got into drugs within the year .
He fought as best he could , but very few people , let alone teenage boys , are strong enough to defeat the one thing that brings them comfort .
He died last year .
Overdose , they said .
But I think it was suicide .
Sometimes I want to follow , but I can ’ t do that to my parents .
They already blame themselves for everything that happened .
I ’ ll tell you the truth , though .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I think most truths are just that : Every Christmas Eve , starting at about eleven , I turn on my old TV and start scanning through those weird channels .
Bitch Parrot lives on , but Lolita Lady Tea Party hasn ’ t aired in over ten years .
Neither has the man who stares into the camera for an hour straight .
But I search through the channels anyway , every Christmas Eve , hoping to stumble upon Skinny Pete ’ s terrible , twisted face and beautiful smile .
It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ search again tonight .
It ’ s my ritual , my tradition .
A lonely , solitary tradition with no good will or cheer .
I don ’ t know why .
I don ’ t know what I ’ m hoping for .
But whatever it is , I hope I find it .

This happened about twenty years ago.
I used to live in a little town called Tehachapi. No one’s ever heard of it, so let me fill you in. It’s a brush-choked desert sandwiched between a bunch of oak-dotted mountains. It’s beautiful in the old west High Sierra way, but there’s nothing extraordinary about it.
Tehachapi is still pretty rural. Back then, though, it was utterly isolated. The outlying areas especially—Bear Valley Springs, Sand Canyon, Stallion Springs, Alpine Forest—were a nightmare during winter. The roads regularly iced over, buckling the asphalt, and stranding some of the people who lived in the higher elevations. Kids wandered away and got lost in the snow sometimes, although that rarely made the news. I only know about it because my dad, who was a cop, told me (he did that sort of thing). It wasn’t unusual to come across the carcass of a runaway horse or cow, mauled by the mountain lions that prowled with near-impunity. Electricity was pretty sporadic at times, especially in the winter. It was the boonies, basically. To us kids who had moved from cities like Bakersfield or Palmdale, it was kind of like living on the wild frontier.
Other than the fact that we had TV, that is.
Television was pretty much all we had. Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, PBS, and Cartoon Network were our favorites. But even as a kid, there’s only so much Scooby-Doo and Wishbone you can tolerate. But it was fine. The cool thing about Tehachapi—at least, at the time—was the surplus of local channels.
If you set the antennae just right and carefully scanned through the frequencies, you’d come across eight or nine indie channels. You had regular stuff like fire-and-brimstone preachers, creepy puppet shows, and people illegally airing tape-recorded reruns of The Simpsons and, even more bizarrely, La Femme Nikita. Every night at one AM, there was one guy who broadcast himself doing nothing but staring into the camera. Another show featured a grown-ass lady in a ridiculous Lolita outfit serving tea to stuffed animals. She’d beg them to drink for about fifteen minutes, then lose her temper and douse them all in boiling water before ripping their eyes out.
There were others, including a broadcast of seemingly endless litters of newborn kittens. Someone else randomly showed minute-long clips of their macaw, who screamed, “I like to bitch, bitch, bitch, yeah, yeah, yeah, I BITCH!”
Anyway, as I said, my dad was a cop at the time. My mom was a 911 dispatcher. This meant they always worked Christmas Eve and Christmas for the time-and-a-half bonuses, and the four of us kids were left alone all night.
As the oldest, I was in charge. My brothers Jake, Charlie, and Nicky all spooked easily. The howling wind, rural setting, and occasionally roaring cougar didn’t help anything. The only way to really distract them was with television. TV gets boring quick, though, especially for antsy kids. So we invented games.
Stuff like Mystery TV Channel, Crank-Call-the-Cable-Company, and Find-All-The-Indie-Channels.
Find-All-The-Indie-Channels was the most popular game by far. It was fun because there was a skilled component to it; you had to guess exactly when Bitch Parrot and Lolita Tea Party would air, for example. Finding the channels themselves wasn’t exactly easy, either. But that was why it was fun. It was passably distracting, and it got us through more dark, windy, snowy nights than I can count.
Anyway, one Christmas Eve—the very first we kids spent alone, I think—we were playing Find-All-The-Indie-Channels. We weren’t having much luck; deep, wet snow was swirling across the landscape, carried by the kind of screaming wind seemingly tailor-made by God Himself to kill reception.
I wasn’t really paying attention; I was staring up over the TV, at an oil painting my dad had just brought home. It was enormous, a massive landscape with a forest and a snow-capped mountain. I loved it.
Just as I was about to give up on the channel game, the staticky TV screen brightened into an illustrated swirl of red and green.
“Hey,” Jake said hopefully. “This is new!”
Sound boomed from the TV, so shockingly loud it took me a moment to identify it as music: a swelling orchestral rendition of Jingle Bells.
The red and green jerkily coalesced into a festive title card that quickly faded to black and white:
SKINNY PETE’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
The first thing I noticed was that it looked old. You know how shows like The Lone Ranger and Andy Griffith have a very dated, canned kind of quality to it? That’s what it reminded me of.
The title card suddenly exploded. Each letter broke formation and swung wildly back and forth. They were on wires, I realized. It wasn’t a title card at all, just an eerie illusion of one.
Someone shot up from the bottom of the frame: diminutive and bony and wearing an oversized Santa hat, with a twisted face that made us all gasp. It was like a combination of a cartoon witch and a tragically inbred prince.
“Merry Christmas, children!” the lanky man trilled. His voice was nice: a smooth, clean tenor that sounded almost handsome. “I am your host, Skinny Pete.” He placed fingers above and below one eye, then stretched it wide open.
“Remember, kids, Skinny Pete always sees you.”
Jake laughed nervously. “He’s so ugly.”
Skinny Pete jerked toward the camera. Then he lurched forward until his head dominated the screen, then kept coming until his eye—round and quivering, with a horizontal cat’s-eye pupil—filled the screen. “Always remember to be polite, babies. Christmas is a time for good will and cheer, not insults.”
Nicky whimpered. Jake and Charlie exchanged a frightened glance.
Skinny Pete’s eye dominated the screen a moment more, blinking once or twice, then pulled back and smiled. I wished he wouldn’t; the image of bright, perfect teeth in his twisted face made my stomach churn.
Skinny Pete settled back and surveyed his surroundings. It was a nice-looking house, with the kind of décor I can’t really describe, except to say that it was frilly and old-fashioned, the way you’d expect your Great-Aunt Gertrude’s house to look. “Well,” he said, waggling a finger at the screen. “Your house is nicer, babies. But this one isn’t bad, is it?” He grinned, a department store catalog smile set into his malformed face. “Let’s have a Skinny peek around!” He chuckled.
For the next several minutes, Skinny Pete gave us a guided tour of the house. Living room, bathroom, kitchen, dining room. None of it exceptional, and honestly boring.
“This is the stupidest channel ever,” Jake complained.
“What was that, babies?” Onscreen, something creaked upstairs. Skinny Pete froze, eyes going so wide they looked like they were bugging out of his face. Then he grinned and held a finger to his lips.
Skinny Pete tiptoed through the kitchen and up the stairs in an exaggerated manner reminiscent of the Grinch. Framed pictures hung from the walls. It was a little hard to tell through the shadows and grainy footage, but I was pretty sure they were family photos. I couldn’t help but wonder at the gruesomeness of Skinny Pete’s relatives, and suddenly wished the video quality was high enough to make their features out.
Reaching the upper floor, Skinny Pete paused at the first door and tapped at it. The door opened as if in response. He reached in and flicked on the light, revealing an empty bathroom.
I released a breath I’d been holding overlong and quickly gulped another.
Skinny Pete danced to the toilet and pointed. Impossibly, the water was swirling, lapping at the sides of the bowl as if it had just been flushed.
Skinny Pete covered his mouth with the tips of his fingers and jumped up and down, as if in glee. Then he darted back into the hall. He stopped at the next door and tapped. Again, it opened as if from within. Skinny Pete ducked inside and turned on the light.
It was clearly an adult’s room, also empty: king-size bed, with a large vanity covered in perfume bottles and makeup. On the opposite side of the room was a coat tree hung with men’s coats and hats.
Skinny Pete pointed to a tube of lipstick and an open jewelry box. “The grownups,” he whispered, “are at a party. They’ve left the children home all alone, on Christmas Eve of all nights! But no worries. Skinny Pete is here to take care of them!”
Skinny Pete slid out of the room, turning off the light as he went, tapped at the next door, which of course opened as though on command, and glided inside. With a gleeful grin, he flicked on the light and bellowed: “Merry Christmas, children! Skinny Pete has come!”
Two little girls blinked dazedly from their beds. The room was like a daydream, an idealized version of a children’s bedroom: lace curtains and shelves of stuffed animals, illustrated books, and ribbon-embellished furniture.
The younger girl began to cry. The other, however, smiled tentatively. “Skinny Pete? You’re real?”
“Real as rain, sweetie, and here to whisk you away to the Winter Wonder Woodlands!”
“W-what?” the girl stammered.
“He said it wrong,” Charlie murmured. Onscreen, Skinny Pete visibly stiffened. “It’s supposed to be ‘right as rain.’”
Skinny Pete turned to glare at the camera, and growled, “You shut up, now.” Just as though he were actually looking at us.
Charlie looked at me nervously. I shrugged and continued watching as Skinny Pete got on with the business of persuading the girls to run away with him, to spend Christmas in the Winter Wonder Woodlands.
“We have hot chocolate,” he said, “with marshmallows! And singing birds and magic deer and happy hoppy bunnies dancing in the snow!” He snaked forward and perched on the end of their bed. He gesticulated wildly. “We have all the presents you can open, piled under the most beautiful Christmas tree you’ve ever seen! It stretches to the heavens, and I’ve decorated it with real stars!”
The idea of hot chocolate and presents and dancing bunnies was enough for the girls, although to be fair, it would have been enough for me, too. Skinny Pete took them each by the hand and danced to the window. Together, the three of them heaved it open. Wind whistled in, carrying a flurry of snow. “Ready, girls?”
“Ready, Skinny Pete!” they chorused.
Skinny Pete looked over his shoulder and gave the camera a wide, perfect smile. His eyes crinkled. “Merry Christmas, babies! If you’re not too good, maybe next year I’ll take you to the Winter Wonder Woodlands!”
With that, they clambered onto the windowsill and jumped.
I heard two thuds and a young child’s moan. Then the wind gusted again, its icy shriek drowning whatever might have followed.
The screen faded to black, then slowly came back to life; a languid, pulsating light that spread, revealing the kind of scene you only see in dreams: a towering Christmas tree lit with candles and an awe-inspiring assortment of ornaments, embellished here and there with what looked like Skinny Pete’s promised twinkling stars.
Deer pranced across the snow and rabbits ran rings around them. As we watched, the deer rose up on hind legs and began to move in a slow circle around the tree. The rabbits hopped to and fro, kicking up great skirls of snow as they joined the deer in their jerky, disjointed dance.
Skinny Pete peeked from behind the Christmas tree. He wasn’t smiling; in fact, he looked lifeless. Like a prop, or a puppet. His eyes gleamed dimly, a flat, featureless monochrome grey. The deer began to dance faster, great powerful haunches propelling them into strange, broken jumps. Their hooves hit the snow with soft thuds, punctuated by their shrill, pain-filled cries.
The screen faded slowly to black. Then the black disappeared, giving way to the hissing roar of TV snow.
“Whoa,” Charlie whispered. “That was some weird shit.”
Naturally, that weird shit became tradition, airing (as we discovered) every Christmas Eve at 11:13 p.m. Always just the four of us, my brothers and I watched Skinny’s Pete’s antics from our giant sectional in our equally giant living room, a room our mother had inexplicably decorated with moose art. It was oddly fitting: a semi-surreal accompaniment to the totally surreal Yuletide Special.
Each year, Skinny Pete hosted a new special, except they all looked old—as my brothers put it, “black-and-white-times” old—and they all followed the same script: kids home alone on Christmas Eve, abandoned by their parents for parties or family or work, whisked away by Skinny Pete to the Winter Wonder Woodlands for hot chocolate, presents, and fairy tale animals.
Truth be told, I didn’t much like it. Skinny Pete creeped me out, and the episodes were achingly stupid and lacked any semblance of a story. The only interesting thing was the customary scene of the giant ornamented tree at the end with the twisted, cavorting deer.
My brothers loved it, though; Jake especially. Charlie adored it for its sheer weirdness. Nicky regarded it with loving terror.
We watched it for six Christmas Eves straight. Same title card, same orchestral swell of Christmas music, same Skinny Pete, with his Santa hat, deformed face, and model-tier smile.
The year after our sixth special, things started to change.
I was sixteen and had suddenly outgrown my brothers. Things that had amused me only months before were suddenly intolerable. Without any real rhyme or reason, I decided that Jake, now fourteen, had evolved into a raging asshole. Twelve-year-old Charlie was okay, I grudgingly admitted, but not for long, because he was falling more under Jake’s influence with every passing day. At ten, Nicky was still sweet. He was the baby, and the babies are always the easiest to handle. But he was far from perfect. He stole from the kids at school, ran away at recess, picked fights. None of it was new, but it was newly infuriating.
Needless to say, by the time the seventh Christmas Eve rolled around, my brothers and I were all seething piles of resentment. Charlie and Nicky were still reasonably close—in fact, they’d been playing video games together that entire Christmas Eve—but Jake hid in his room. I only emerged to cook grilled cheese sandwiches before returning to my own room.
Later that night, with a pang of overwhelming melancholy, I realized this would be the first night in almost half my life that my brothers and I hadn’t nestled together to watch Skinny Pete’s exquisitely pointless arthouse antics.
It didn’t help that I could hear Charlie and Nicky from the room next door, making jokes and imitating the ridiculous dialogue. “If you aren’t too good,” Charlie trilled in an eerie impression of Skinny Pete, “Maybe next year I’ll take yeewoo to the Winter Wonder Woodlands!”
I banged on the wall. “Go to sleep!”
Nicky giggled as Charlie mumbled something I couldn’t make out. I rolled my eyes, but let it go. Let them be dipshits. They were preteen boys, after all. What else were they supposed to be?
After a moment’s silence, they exploded into laughter again, followed by moronic giggling, pointless swear words and that stupid Skinny Pete impression. With a growl, I threw on my coat and went outside for a walk.
It was beautiful: snowy and quiet, the rolling landscape broken only by snow-laden pines and the bare skeletons of elegant oaks and the occasional lonesome house. The sky spread overhead, blanketed with a mad swirl of stars. It looked like a fairy tale. Like the Winter Wonder Woodlands.
I felt another pang of melancholy. What was I thinking? What was I doing? It was Christmas Eve! The most magical night of the year, filled with good will and cheer and happy shit. And here I was, running away from the most important people in my life.
It took a while—maybe as much as an hour—but eventually, I swallowed my puerile pride and went back home. It was five past eleven. I felt an unexpected swell of excitement. It wasn’t too late. We still had time to catch Skinny Pete’s special.
I knocked on Nicky and Charlie’s door. “Guys?” I asked. I cracked open the bedroom door. It was pitch-dark and still, with only a box fan to break the silence.
I thought about waking them up, but why? They were asleep at a reasonable hour for once.
So I crept down the hall and knocked on Jake’s door. “Hey.”
“What?”
“It’s time for Skinny Pete’s Christmas Special.”
“I don’t want to watch it with everybody.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s just me. The little boys are asleep.”
This was enough to coax Jake down to the TV. I switched it on and flipped through channels while Jake adjusted the antenna.
We found the right channel just as the orchestral Christmas music swelled.
Already a head taller than me, but lean as a rake, Jake plopped down beside me, smiling despite himself as Skinny Pete’s grotesque face filled the screen.
“Merry Christmas, babies!” Skinny Pete trilled. “I have a surprise for you tonight! A brand-new Yuletide Special, my very first in years!”
The film did not look much fresher though, as if it had long since gone to seed, and was now being played following a chance discovery in a deceased dotard’s attic. The camera pulled back, revealing a large living room with a giant sectional, a hundred pieces of moose memorabilia, and a huge oil painting of a familiar snow-capped mountain.
Cold nausea began to brew in my guts as I realized that we were looking at our living room.
“See this house? It’s a wonderful house. Every bit as nice,” he guffawed, pointing at the camera, “as the house you’re in right now!”
Skinny Pete whipped around and pranced down the hall. He stopped at my parents’ door. He tapped it; it opened as if opened from within, as always, revealing their austere room. “Empty! Gone to work, on Christmas Eve of all nights! Nothing new there, right, babies?”
He scrunched up the left side of his face in an exaggerated wink, then returned to the hallway and tiptoed to my bedroom. He tapped twice, whereupon the door swung wide. It was worse than déjà vu, seeing my room displayed on the TV screen in old-fashioned black and white. “Nobody home?” Disappointment marred his face, quickly replaced with disgust. His lip curled, twisting his face into something horrific. “She knows. She knows better, and she still left them all alone on Christmas Eve, of all nights? What is she, a grownup?” He slammed my door furiously, then pranced to Jake’s room, where he paused. “We don’t talk about him,” Skinny Pete whispered conspiratorially, long fingers grazing the closed door almost lovingly. “He’s what those who speak the common, vulgar parlance call a dick.”
I wanted to ask if Jake was also seeing this, but he was staring slack-jawed at the screen; proof enough that I wasn’t alone.
Skinny Pete tittered, then crept on to Nicky and Charlie’s room.
With a flourish, Skinny Pete threw the door open. Nicky and Charlie looked up, startled. They were playing video games. Polygon characters and blindingly bright landscapes filled their TV screen.
“What?” Charlie shrieked. “No way. No fucking way!”
“Language.” Skinny Pete wagged his spindly finger. “Babies, do you know who I am?”
“Jake?” Charlie swiped at Skinny Pete’s face and missed. “Quit messing around!”
Nicky quavered, “You’re Skinny Pete.”
“That’s right!” Skinny Pete spread his arms wide. “Skinny Pete, come to whisk you away to the Winter Wonder Woodlands for hot chocolate, dancing deer, happy hoppy rabbits, and more presents than you can count, all tucked under the most magnificently Christmassy tree in the whole wide universe!”
“No way,” Charlie repeated. “This is a dream.”
Skinny Pete turned around and mugged at the camera. “Yes! A dream come true!”
“Who are you talking to?” Nicky asked the intruder.
Skinny Pete’s smile grew even wider. He winked conspiratorially at the audience—at me— then turned back to them. “Why, I’m talking to all the wonderful folks left at home this fine-as-glühwein Yuletide Eve!”
“Dude,” a dumfounded Nicky whispered.
“Now,” Skinny Pete said, “are you ready to accompany me to the Winter Wonder Woodlands?”
Charlie swiped at Skinny Pete’s face again. Skinny Pete didn’t try to dodge this time; Charlie snagged his skin and pulled, clearly under the impression that it was a mask. It parted from Skinny Pete’s skull with a wet, shudder-inducing crackle, leaving a dark oozing mess where human features should have been.
Charlie began to scream. Hopping in place, Skinny Pete burst out laughing and clapped his hands as Nicky dissolved into tears.
The screen faded abruptly to black.
Before I could react, it pulsed back to life, light flickering like a candle, growing until it illuminated a familiar scene: Skinny Pete’s fabulously towering tree lit with myriad stars and candles, surrounded by deer and milling rabbits.
As if sensing my attention, the deer rose painfully onto their hind legs and began their jittery, broken dance. Rabbits hopped toward them and began to circle around their hooves.
Through the deer’s cavorting legs, I caught glimpses of a body propped against the tree. Boy-sized and terribly familiar, with an overlong neck, as if he’d been hanged.
I recognized him immediately, even though I didn’t want to.
Charlie.
The dance grew feverishly fast as the deer began to bleat and cry. As they capered faster and faster, Charlie’s body began to move. It jerked upward as if he were an empty sack filled with rats. Up and up, side to side, until he was on his feet. His head flopped forward on his overstretched neck, bringing his face into view. His eyes gleamed, flat and monochrome like dirty glass. After a while, his jaw began to move, rolling strangely under his skin. Suddenly it stretched wide. With several sharp cracks and pops, it swung all the way down to the ground.
Then, from that impossibly gaping maw vomited a great black mass, and everything went dark, breaking the TV’s spell.
Jake and I ran upstairs to Nicky and Charlie’s room and threw the door wide. The sash window was all the way up—something I hadn’t noticed when I peeked in earlier. Wind and snow wafted through, turning the room into an icebox. Jake switched on the light, illuminating blood-spattered sheets. On the floor was a wet, crumpled mass of grey. I picked it up. It was fleshy and wet. I spread it out and immediately flung it away with a shriek:
Skinny Pete’s grey, grinning face.
Jake raced to the window and looked down. He recoiled and screamed.
I ran after him, peering over the sill, and burst into tears.
Nicky’s twisted body lay partially buried in blood-streaked snow. His eyes were missing, and the wet, dark holes were already crusted with fresh white powdered snow.
The coroner kept Nicky’s body for months. We didn’t get to bury him until June. They never found Charlie at all.
Jake got into drugs within the year. He fought as best he could, but very few people, let alone teenage boys, are strong enough to defeat the one thing that brings them comfort. He died last year. Overdose, they said. But I think it was suicide.
Sometimes I want to follow, but I can’t do that to my parents. They already blame themselves for everything that happened.
I’ll tell you the truth, though. It’s an ugly, senseless truth, but I think most truths are just that: Every Christmas Eve, starting at about eleven, I turn on my old TV and start scanning through those weird channels. Bitch Parrot lives on, but Lolita Lady Tea Party hasn’t aired in over ten years. Neither has the man who stares into the camera for an hour straight.
Neither has Skinny Pete’s Christmas Special.
But I search through the channels anyway, every Christmas Eve, hoping to stumble upon Skinny Pete’s terrible, twisted face and beautiful smile.
It is Christmas Eve, so I will search again tonight. It’s my ritual, my tradition. A lonely, solitary tradition with no good will or cheer. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’m hoping for.
But whatever it is, I hope I find it.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-01--How to Make Yourself Poop: 14 Ways to Relieve Constipation at Home

Bloating and constipation can be caused by stress , dehydration , and dietary changes .
Stomach problems can also be a cause of a bigger issue , like irritable bowel syndrome .
Luckily , most problems can be fixed by a combination of natural remedies and simple lifestyle changes .
If you need tips on how to make yourself poop when suffering from chronic constipation , this is essential reading : It ’ s much easier to poop when sitting in a proper position over the toilet .
If squatting is too difficult , placing a stool near the toilet @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This practice should begin at a young age because it will prevent the body from straining while using the bathroom .
If the body does become strained , it could cause hemorrhoids , which occurs when blood vessels around the anus become swollen and irritated .
When a body is dehydrated , the intestines can not add water to its stool .
This makes the stool hard , lumpy , and difficult to release from the body .
Luckily , a hot beverage can relieve constipation .
In addition to coffee , which @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to the end of the digestive tract , warm water can also reduce constipation .
In fact , a body needs at least eight ounces of water per day in order to have a regular bowel movement .
Whether someone chooses to consume coffee or water , a warm beverage will help stimulate the urge to poop .
A stimulant laxative is a fast-acting laxative that forces a bowel movement by squeezing the intestines .
Doctors can prescribe laxatives , like bisacodyl and senna-sennosides , to patients with irregular bowel movements .
However @ @ @ @ @ @ @ used on a short-term basis .
They shouldn ’ t be relied upon for longer than a week .
4 .
Take mineral oil two hours after eating .
Mineral oil can work as a lubricant laxative — and it is available over-the-counter .
Mineral oil works by coating the walls of the intestines , which keeps water in the stool and intestines .
This allows the stool to move through the colon easier so that it is easier to pass .
It is considered a safe and effective way to ease constipation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cause constipation relief .
In order to do this , make small circles on the lower righthand side of the abdomen .
Then apply pressure to the hipbone with a palm .
This should help release gas — and stool .
Another trick is to massage the perineum , which is the space between a male ’ s anus and scrotum , or between a female ’ s anus and vulva .
Push on the skin in a pulsing rhythm for three to five seconds to improve bowel function .
Prune juice will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ easier to pass .
Eating dried plums and prunes can cause the same effect .
However , a lesser-known home remedy involves drinking lemon juice .
The citric acid will fight toxins in the digestive tract .
It will provide fast-acting constipation relief .
Psyllium husk is the main ingredient in the popular fiber supplement , Metamucil .
Psyllium husk is made from a plant ’ s seeds and is considered a laxative .
It increases the bulk of stool , which helps it move through the intestines easier .
Taking a fiber @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , smoother bowel movement .
An osmotic laxative helps fluid move through the colon .
There are popular over-the-counter osmotic laxatives , such as Phillips Milk of Magnesia .
However , with a doctor ’ s prescription , stronger osmotic laxatives are available .
While they can provide constipation relief , they can actually cause other irritable bowel syndrome symptoms to worsen .
They commonly have side-effects like diarrhea , dehydration , and bloating .
9 .
Eat food that is high in fiber .
Insoluble fiber , also known as roughage or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ helps digestion .
Some of the best high fiber foods include whole-grain bread , whole-grain cereal , oats , rice , beans , fresh fruit , and vegetables .
When it comes to fruit , the best options are grapes , apples , and pears .
In addition to containing fiber , they have high levels of water which will prevent constipation .
That means , instead of eating processed food ( like a fast food item that is high in salt and carbs ) , choose to eat high fiber food .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the lower bowel , which is given through the rectum .
This process will soften stool enough for a regular bowel movement .
Although this will thoroughly clean the lower bowel , it is the last resort for constipation .
A doctor will only recommend it if diet , exercise , and other natural remedies are not enough to keep the body regular .
A stool softener is a type of laxative that contains docusate sodium and docusate calcium .
This helps soften stool in order to make it easier to pass without @ @ @ @ @ @ @ best for people who have temporary , mild constipation .
It will provide an easier , more comfortable bowel movement .
Most pharmacies sell glycerin suppositories .
They are a type of hyperosmotic laxative , which draws water into the intestines .
This product aims to cause a bowel movement within fifteen minutes to an hour .
However , there are several possible side effects , such as stomach cramps , burning , rectal irritation , diarrhea , and gas .
Acupuncture experts claim that there is a spot on the body that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is also known as the Sea of Energy and is located three finger-widths below the belly button .
Taking deep breaths and applying firm pressure to the area can make it easier to poop .
14 .
Take a short walk break — or engage in another form of exercise .
Although a runner won ’ t want to have an unfortunate bathroom accident midrun , exercising is a good idea when suffering from constipation .
Exercising can increase blood flow through the abdomen and decrease the time it takes for food to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ also accelerate the breathing and heart rate .
Overall , exercise will help regulate bowel movements , so it ’ s important not to get into a running rut .

Bloating and constipation can be caused by stress, dehydration, and dietary changes. Stomach problems can also be a cause of a bigger issue, like irritable bowel syndrome. Luckily, most problems can be fixed by a combination of natural remedies and simple lifestyle changes. If you need tips on how to make yourself poop when suffering from chronic constipation, this is essential reading:
1. Squat over the toilet.
It’s much easier to poop when sitting in a proper position over the toilet. If squatting is too difficult, placing a stool near the toilet will help mimic the correct position. This practice should begin at a young age because it will prevent the body from straining while using the bathroom. If the body does become strained, it could cause hemorrhoids, which occurs when blood vessels around the anus become swollen and irritated.
2. Drink a steaming hot cup of coffee.
When a body is dehydrated, the intestines cannot add water to its stool. This makes the stool hard, lumpy, and difficult to release from the body. Luckily, a hot beverage can relieve constipation. In addition to coffee, which contracts the colon muscles and pushes stool to the end of the digestive tract, warm water can also reduce constipation. In fact, a body needs at least eight ounces of water per day in order to have a regular bowel movement. Whether someone chooses to consume coffee or water, a warm beverage will help stimulate the urge to poop.
3. Swallow a stimulant laxative.
A stimulant laxative is a fast-acting laxative that forces a bowel movement by squeezing the intestines. Doctors can prescribe laxatives, like bisacodyl and senna-sennosides, to patients with irregular bowel movements. However, they are only meant to be used on a short-term basis. They shouldn’t be relied upon for longer than a week.
4. Take mineral oil two hours after eating.
Mineral oil can work as a lubricant laxative — and it is available over-the-counter. Mineral oil works by coating the walls of the intestines, which keeps water in the stool and intestines. This allows the stool to move through the colon easier so that it is easier to pass. It is considered a safe and effective way to ease constipation.
5. Massage the abdomen.
Applying pressure to the colon can cause constipation relief. In order to do this, make small circles on the lower righthand side of the abdomen. Then apply pressure to the hipbone with a palm. This should help release gas — and stool. Another trick is to massage the perineum, which is the space between a male’s anus and scrotum, or between a female’s anus and vulva. Push on the skin in a pulsing rhythm for three to five seconds to improve bowel function.
6. Drink prune juice or lemon juice.
Prune juice will soften stool in order to make it easier to pass. Eating dried plums and prunes can cause the same effect. However, a lesser-known home remedy involves drinking lemon juice. The citric acid will fight toxins in the digestive tract. It will provide fast-acting constipation relief.
7. Take a fiber supplement.
Psyllium husk is the main ingredient in the popular fiber supplement, Metamucil. Psyllium husk is made from a plant’s seeds and is considered a laxative. It increases the bulk of stool, which helps it move through the intestines easier. Taking a fiber supplement will lead to a much faster, smoother bowel movement.
8. Try taking an osmotic laxative.
An osmotic laxative helps fluid move through the colon. There are popular over-the-counter osmotic laxatives, such as Phillips Milk of Magnesia. However, with a doctor’s prescription, stronger osmotic laxatives are available. While they can provide constipation relief, they can actually cause other irritable bowel syndrome symptoms to worsen. They commonly have side-effects like diarrhea, dehydration, and bloating.
9. Eat food that is high in fiber.
Insoluble fiber, also known as roughage or bulk, is a plant-based nutrient that helps digestion. Some of the best high fiber foods include whole-grain bread, whole-grain cereal, oats, rice, beans, fresh fruit, and vegetables. When it comes to fruit, the best options are grapes, apples, and pears. In addition to containing fiber, they have high levels of water which will prevent constipation. That means, instead of eating processed food (like a fast food item that is high in salt and carbs), choose to eat high fiber food.
10. Use an enema.
An enema is a fluid injection into the lower bowel, which is given through the rectum. This process will soften stool enough for a regular bowel movement. Although this will thoroughly clean the lower bowel, it is the last resort for constipation. A doctor will only recommend it if diet, exercise, and other natural remedies are not enough to keep the body regular.
11. Use a stool softener.
A stool softener is a type of laxative that contains docusate sodium and docusate calcium. This helps soften stool in order to make it easier to pass without straining the body. Stool softeners work best for people who have temporary, mild constipation. It will provide an easier, more comfortable bowel movement.
12. Try a glycerin suppository.
Most pharmacies sell glycerin suppositories. They are a type of hyperosmotic laxative, which draws water into the intestines. This product aims to cause a bowel movement within fifteen minutes to an hour. However, there are several possible side effects, such as stomach cramps, burning, rectal irritation, diarrhea, and gas.
13. Press your ‘poop button.’
Acupuncture experts claim that there is a spot on the body that connects to the digestive system. It is also known as the Sea of Energy and is located three finger-widths below the belly button. Taking deep breaths and applying firm pressure to the area can make it easier to poop.
14. Take a short walk break — or engage in another form of exercise.
Although a runner won’t want to have an unfortunate bathroom accident midrun, exercising is a good idea when suffering from constipation. Exercising can increase blood flow through the abdomen and decrease the time it takes for food to travel through the intestines. It can also accelerate the breathing and heart rate. Overall, exercise will help regulate bowel movements, so it’s important not to get into a running rut.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-02--I Can’t Afford Therapy But Finsta Is Free

Strange to think there was a point in time when I did not know what a finsta was .
A coworker had pulled me into the staff room to have a look at some photos she took from her weekend out .
They were raucous scenes of her wildly dancing ’ a table with more than a few lines of coke ; a brief clip of her sobbing uncontrollably , an unsavory combination of drool , vomit , and tears coating her face .
I couldn ’ t help but gawk asking why on earth she had these up on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not yet aware , is a private Instagram account where one posts whatever it is they see , feel , or do without reserve .
From breakdowns to memes to nudes , if it ’ s something you wouldn ’ t post on your “ rinsta ” ( your “ real ” profile ) , it is “ finsta ” material .
After accepting my follow , I went home that night and scrolled tirelessly through her profile .
What I found left me unnerved .
There were long tirades of her verbally @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was having with her fiancé , a heart-wrenching account of suicidal thoughts some months prior captioned to a photo of Peppa Pig .
We ’ d been working together during all this time .
I had no idea any of it was happening .
She and I haven ’ t talked much since leaving the company we worked for .
Not that we need to , though , as we ’ re both up to date on what ’ s truly happening in the other ’ s life .
She follows my finsta @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of my finsta was relatively mild .
Mostly just silly selfies or blowing off steam after dealing with a rude customer .
I had let in a select group of very close friends , but as time went on , I found myself posting to an audience far removed from my immediate social circle .
The first was a kind stranger I met at a party .
We were drunk and I knew I would never see her again , “ but hell , you ’ re cool , follow my finsta !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ I know exclusively from playing on Minecraft servers with .
While visiting a small town in northern Arizona , I exchanged finstas with my waiter , learning of a debilitating relationship with his sister and of a large birthmark on his inner thigh all before he even dropped the check .
Dually , I too found myself posting in a far more candid manner .
I ’ d sit every morning with my coffee , bleary-eyed and disheveled , writing a few paragraphs or talking to the camera .
I ’ d backlog @ @ @ @ @ @ @ so I could caption them later in whatever headspace I found myself in then .
And as that headspace became increasingly dark , this routine became a necessary ritual .
At my lowest of lows , I ’ d clutch onto my phone as if it were the only thing keeping me from floating away .
Its retreat became a lifeline .
I , like many young people in this country who are in need of it , can not afford therapy .
Especially in the era of COVID , when budget cuts @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people without access , the situation regarding public mental health has become even more dire .
My finsta , however , is free .
My phone is near always in reach .
As I ’ ve come out the other side happier and healthier , I ’ ve been able to observe through my own experience the ways in which this “ platform within a platform ” fills in for and even parallels conventional mental health care services unavailable to myself and to thousands of other users , the necessity of which can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ noticed upon analyzing the finsta is the qualitative homogeneity within its culture .
If you take a close look , there really is not much aesthetic deviation from one finsta to the next .
Profiles could easily be mixed up if the viewer lacks a body of context for the account holder .
This may be unintentional , but the reason why this occurs is far from inexplicable .
Psychotherapy research reports the benefits of familiar environments in achieving emotional release from patients .
A study conducted by the University of Memphis states @ @ @ @ @ @ @ environment was significant in their experience of therapy .
These clients described experiences of safety , comfort , and relaxation as being facilitated by physical attributes of the therapy room.
” Aesthetic cues allow for a more fluid transition into the frame of mind we must be in to comfortably participate in the therapeutic process .
What is otherwise far too overwhelming in our day to day becomes approachable through a shift in surroundings .
In this way , logging into my finsta is much like walking into a clinic .
The act @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sense of security is achieved by a setting which is so consistently replicated to an almost laughable degree !
These instantly recognizable attributes give form to spaces with clearly delineated purposes .
So , while finstas remain deeply idiomatic realms where brutal , unabated honesty reigns ( as is the case in each individual therapy session ) , this honesty is achieved by giving access to an arena in which such truth has a frame to exist in .
Most of us are unable to achieve great emotional breakthroughs without such a structure @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out help to begin with .
This permission to divulge is granted in part by its design , but it is the audience , after all , which materializes the whole affair .
Let me start by saying that I am not here to diminish the role of the therapist .
The work conducted within the field should not be denigrated , and in no way by drawing comparisons between the followship of a finsta and trained psychological help do I wish to equate the strangers who attend to my posts with expertise @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can not afford expertise .
“ You learn pretty quickly in the counseling situation that sometimes what clients remember and appreciate was your compassionate listening , your presence as they hashed out problems themselves , ” writes Seattle based therapist Michael Schriner .
He points out that counseling sessions are more often about , “ sharing an emotional space , ” rather than , “ giving advice.
” He , among others in his field , emphasize that most people attending therapy are searching for an understanding , non-judgemental listener , not necessarily @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sentiment of the empathetic ear is well documented pre-Instagram ( just ask any bartender ) .
But in the context of finsta , it illuminates the reason why therapists ( and bars ) are these cultural staples of psychological retreat .
A certain threshold of anonymity has always been paramount to these modes of self-exposure .
It ’ s generally agreed upon that a therapist ’ s personal life should remain separate from a client ’ s as study after study suggests personal boundaries beget more successful results .
That isn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ concern when needed nor do they detach themselves entirely .
It ’ s just to say that it is easier for a client to come to self-realization without feeling concerned by the personality or biases of their psychologist .
This same intimacy incognito is essential to the finsta experience .
While there ’ s no hard data on what I ’ m proposing , within my own research I found there is a shocking percentage of followship on people ’ s finstas who are generally unknown to the account holder ; in my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of 75 % .
Of course , this is not to neglect the base of IRL friends which are almost universally present , but especially since March , these interactions remain predominantly virtual .
Even without the pandemic in mind , I still ask myself while posting , “ Would I feel comfortable telling someone this face to face ?
” The answer is typically , no .
Whether for fear of making a casual coffee chat too heavy or to bypass that awkward period which follows when one must nod politely and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ advice given , it ’ s exactly these social contracts that make finding spaces to be emotionally vulnerable is so difficult .
So just as it would seem overly optimistic to think a therapist holds a magic answer to my life ’ s problems , I don ’ t expect an illuminating dialogue with my followers to transpire either .
I ’ m not posting there to talk to them .
I ’ m posting to be seen by them .
There is a noteworthy phenomenon regarding the leaving of a therapist ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to hear that when reemerging into the outside world it takes a moment to readjust to the “ reality ” of the public facing identity .
After confronting a self we so often neglect , it can feel starkly isolating or even fake to find yourself in the same places you were anguishing over one hour previously .
Not that this is a bad thing .
It ’ s what therapy is for .
The true self lies somewhere between our most inner conscience and how it is we exhibit ourselves whilst engaging @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an ever-evolving dialectic and we must learn to settle into this contradiction between the public and private self .
This is to say , we contain multitudes—there is no finsta without the rinsta .
Gen Z already has an average of 9.3 active social media accounts .
We spend an average of three hours a day on these profiles , but as who , exactly ?
Portraying ourselves how ?
Saying or not saying what ?
My behavior on Facebook , where employers and grandparents are active , is vastly different from who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is vastly different from how I act on my gaming accounts , and so on .
In a time where we can find vestiges of our virtual selves in every nook and cranny of the internet .
In an age where identity has never felt so scattered and the terms of human connection so abstract , the finsta has allowed me to reclaim some sense of truth in terms of both my physical and non-physical being .
Not that there really is a clear difference between the two for someone who has never @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but it ’ s these incohesive yet inseparable entities which highlight the existential crisis of multitudes faced by my generation .
The amount of people we have to be is exhausting , and yet the conceptualization and augmentation of our person ( s ) has become a progressively obligatory prerequisite for being validated as one .
This is why spaces where we can explore the comprehensive individual are more vital now than ever .
When everything posted is presented with a filter applied , finsta asks me to unapologetically strip my life @ @ @ @ @ @ @ implores me to examine myself in contrast to this world and the wide web of thoughts coiled inside of me .
It bears my soul in code .
What more could one ask for from therapy ?
After posting , it does feel weird to hop back onto my main .
The facade becomes so apparent .
But that ’ s okay .
I know that the person who runs both is more sure of himself than he ’ s ever been .
And if I need to vent , cry , laugh @ @ @ @ @ @ @ always one account away .

Strange to think there was a point in time when I did not know what a finsta was.
A coworker had pulled me into the staff room to have a look at some photos she took from her weekend out. They were raucous scenes of her wildly dancing’ a table with more than a few lines of coke; a brief clip of her sobbing uncontrollably, an unsavory combination of drool, vomit, and tears coating her face.
I couldn’t help but gawk asking why on earth she had these up on Instagram.
“This is my finsta, dummy!”
A finsta, for those not yet aware, is a private Instagram account where one posts whatever it is they see, feel, or do without reserve. From breakdowns to memes to nudes, if it’s something you wouldn’t post on your “rinsta” (your “real” profile), it is “finsta” material.
After accepting my follow, I went home that night and scrolled tirelessly through her profile. What I found left me unnerved. There were long tirades of her verbally abusive mother, previously unsuspected complications she was having with her fiancé, a heart-wrenching account of suicidal thoughts some months prior captioned to a photo of Peppa Pig.
We’d been working together during all this time. I had no idea any of it was happening.
She and I haven’t talked much since leaving the company we worked for. Not that we need to, though, as we’re both up to date on what’s truly happening in the other’s life. She follows my finsta too.
At first, the content of my finsta was relatively mild. Mostly just silly selfies or blowing off steam after dealing with a rude customer. I had let in a select group of very close friends, but as time went on, I found myself posting to an audience far removed from my immediate social circle. The first was a kind stranger I met at a party. We were drunk and I knew I would never see her again, “but hell, you’re cool, follow my finsta!”
From there, a flamboyant Frenchman I know exclusively from playing on Minecraft servers with. While visiting a small town in northern Arizona, I exchanged finstas with my waiter, learning of a debilitating relationship with his sister and of a large birthmark on his inner thigh all before he even dropped the check.
Dually, I too found myself posting in a far more candid manner. I’d sit every morning with my coffee, bleary-eyed and disheveled, writing a few paragraphs or talking to the camera. I’d backlog funny photos I saw throughout the day so I could caption them later in whatever headspace I found myself in then. And as that headspace became increasingly dark, this routine became a necessary ritual. At my lowest of lows, I’d clutch onto my phone as if it were the only thing keeping me from floating away. Its retreat became a lifeline.
I, like many young people in this country who are in need of it, cannot afford therapy. Especially in the era of COVID, when budget cuts and tight financial situations are leaving countless people without access, the situation regarding public mental health has become even more dire.
My finsta, however, is free. My phone is near always in reach.
As I’ve come out the other side happier and healthier, I’ve been able to observe through my own experience the ways in which this “platform within a platform” fills in for and even parallels conventional mental health care services unavailable to myself and to thousands of other users, the necessity of which cannot be understated.
Something I quickly noticed upon analyzing the finsta is the qualitative homogeneity within its culture. If you take a close look, there really is not much aesthetic deviation from one finsta to the next. Profiles could easily be mixed up if the viewer lacks a body of context for the account holder.
This may be unintentional, but the reason why this occurs is far from inexplicable. Psychotherapy research reports the benefits of familiar environments in achieving emotional release from patients.
A study conducted by the University of Memphis states their participants reported that “the office environment was significant in their experience of therapy. These clients described experiences of safety, comfort, and relaxation as being facilitated by physical attributes of the therapy room.”
Aesthetic cues allow for a more fluid transition into the frame of mind we must be in to comfortably participate in the therapeutic process. What is otherwise far too overwhelming in our day to day becomes approachable through a shift in surroundings. In this way, logging into my finsta is much like walking into a clinic. The act is just as intentional and a similar sense of security is achieved by a setting which is so consistently replicated to an almost laughable degree!
A stress ball on the table, a calming light, a velvet chair.
A funny screenshot, an ironic username, a fake profile picture.
These instantly recognizable attributes give form to spaces with clearly delineated purposes.
So, while finstas remain deeply idiomatic realms where brutal, unabated honesty reigns (as is the case in each individual therapy session), this honesty is achieved by giving access to an arena in which such truth has a frame to exist in. Most of us are unable to achieve great emotional breakthroughs without such a structure. It’s why we seek out help to begin with.
This permission to divulge is granted in part by its design, but it is the audience, after all, which materializes the whole affair.
Let me start by saying that I am not here to diminish the role of the therapist. The work conducted within the field should not be denigrated, and in no way by drawing comparisons between the followship of a finsta and trained psychological help do I wish to equate the strangers who attend to my posts with expertise. But let me reiterate: I cannot afford expertise.
“You learn pretty quickly in the counseling situation that sometimes what clients remember and appreciate was your compassionate listening, your presence as they hashed out problems themselves,” writes Seattle based therapist Michael Schriner. He points out that counseling sessions are more often about, “sharing an emotional space,” rather than, “giving advice.” He, among others in his field, emphasize that most people attending therapy are searching for an understanding, non-judgemental listener, not necessarily someone exclusively to engage with.
This sentiment of the empathetic ear is well documented pre-Instagram (just ask any bartender). But in the context of finsta, it illuminates the reason why therapists (and bars) are these cultural staples of psychological retreat. A certain threshold of anonymity has always been paramount to these modes of self-exposure.
It’s generally agreed upon that a therapist’s personal life should remain separate from a client’s as study after study suggests personal boundaries beget more successful results. That isn’t to say a therapist does not show concern when needed nor do they detach themselves entirely. It’s just to say that it is easier for a client to come to self-realization without feeling concerned by the personality or biases of their psychologist. This same intimacy incognito is essential to the finsta experience.
While there’s no hard data on what I’m proposing, within my own research I found there is a shocking percentage of followship on people’s finstas who are generally unknown to the account holder; in my own case, that number is upwards of 75%.
Of course, this is not to neglect the base of IRL friends which are almost universally present, but especially since March, these interactions remain predominantly virtual. Even without the pandemic in mind, I still ask myself while posting, “Would I feel comfortable telling someone this face to face?” The answer is typically, no. Whether for fear of making a casual coffee chat too heavy or to bypass that awkward period which follows when one must nod politely and smile at the kind but usually unhelpful advice given, it’s exactly these social contracts that make finding spaces to be emotionally vulnerable is so difficult.
So just as it would seem overly optimistic to think a therapist holds a magic answer to my life’s problems, I don’t expect an illuminating dialogue with my followers to transpire either. I’m not posting there to talk to them. I’m posting to be seen by them.
There is a noteworthy phenomenon regarding the leaving of a therapist’s office. It’s common to hear that when reemerging into the outside world it takes a moment to readjust to the “reality” of the public facing identity. After confronting a self we so often neglect, it can feel starkly isolating or even fake to find yourself in the same places you were anguishing over one hour previously.
Not that this is a bad thing. It’s what therapy is for. The true self lies somewhere between our most inner conscience and how it is we exhibit ourselves whilst engaging in social spheres. Our ego is an ever-evolving dialectic and we must learn to settle into this contradiction between the public and private self. This is to say, we contain multitudes—there is no finsta without the rinsta.
Gen Z already has an average of 9.3 active social media accounts. We spend an average of three hours a day on these profiles, but as who, exactly? Portraying ourselves how? Saying or not saying what? My behavior on Facebook, where employers and grandparents are active, is vastly different from who I will be on Twitter, which is vastly different from how I act on my gaming accounts, and so on.
In a time where we can find vestiges of our virtual selves in every nook and cranny of the internet. In an age where identity has never felt so scattered and the terms of human connection so abstract, the finsta has allowed me to reclaim some sense of truth in terms of both my physical and non-physical being.
Not that there really is a clear difference between the two for someone who has never known life to be any other way, but it’s these incohesive yet inseparable entities which highlight the existential crisis of multitudes faced by my generation. The amount of people we have to be is exhausting, and yet the conceptualization and augmentation of our person(s) has become a progressively obligatory prerequisite for being validated as one.
This is why spaces where we can explore the comprehensive individual are more vital now than ever. When everything posted is presented with a filter applied, finsta asks me to unapologetically strip my life of its falsities and cover-ups. It implores me to examine myself in contrast to this world and the wide web of thoughts coiled inside of me. It bears my soul in code.
What more could one ask for from therapy?
After posting, it does feel weird to hop back onto my main. The facade becomes so apparent. But that’s okay. I know that the person who runs both is more sure of himself than he’s ever been. And if I need to vent, cry, laugh, or scream, I’m always one account away.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-02--11 Reasons Why Everyone Fully Needs To Have A Virgo In Their Life

1 .
They are encouraging in a way that doesn ’ t leave room for bullshit .
If a Virgo tells you they believe in you , it ’ s not because they are trying to be nice , it ’ s because they actually see that potential in you .
They won ’ t sugarcoat things just to keep the peace .
2 .
They are softies even though they want you to believe otherwise .
They care about their loved ones and will go out of their way to help them ( even if they get a little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ They pay attention to even small details .
They are naturally analytical and they store small tidbits of information to use later .
They know the little things matter .
4 .
They will tell you the truth , even if it ’ s ugly .
They won ’ t be intentionally cruel , but they won ’ t hold back either .
5 .
They are dependable and will absolutely have your back .
They don ’ t feel annoyed or frustrated when someone asks for help- because they actually enjoy it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the best advice because they actually pay attention and are straight-forward .
If you ’ re looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear you ’ ve come to the wrong place .
7 .
They are loyal and dedicated to working things out .
You know that you won ’ t scare them off just because of one dumb fight a small disagreement .
They invest intentionally , and won ’ t write you off if you actually work on fixing things .
8 .
They aren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you want to hang out with another friend , they aren ’ t going to give you grief over it .
They have their own life .
9 .
They inspire you .
Not because they force you to , but because they are actually admirable people who get things done .
They inspire you to be better and encourage you in the process .
10 .
They have a plan .
Usually .
Okay , yes , they prepare for everything so even if your plans fall through , they ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ together .
11 .
Because your life is just that much better with them around .

1. They are encouraging in a way that doesn’t leave room for bullshit. If a Virgo tells you they believe in you, it’s not because they are trying to be nice, it’s because they actually see that potential in you. They won’t sugarcoat things just to keep the peace.
2. They are softies even though they want you to believe otherwise. They care about their loved ones and will go out of their way to help them (even if they get a little too involved at times)
3. They pay attention to even small details. They are naturally analytical and they store small tidbits of information to use later. They know the little things matter.
4. They will tell you the truth, even if it’s ugly. They won’t be intentionally cruel, but they won’t hold back either.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
5. They are dependable and will absolutely have your back. They don’t feel annoyed or frustrated when someone asks for help- because they actually enjoy it.
6. They give some of the best advice because they actually pay attention and are straight-forward. If you’re looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear you’ve come to the wrong place.
7. They are loyal and dedicated to working things out. You know that you won’t scare them off just because of one dumb fight a small disagreement. They invest intentionally, and won’t write you off if you actually work on fixing things.
8. They aren’t possessive and encourage your independence. If you want to hang out with another friend, they aren’t going to give you grief over it. They have their own life.
9. They inspire you. Not because they force you to, but because they are actually admirable people who get things done. They inspire you to be better and encourage you in the process.
10. They have a plan. Usually. Okay, yes, they prepare for everything so even if your plans fall through, they’re on the case. They hold things together.
11. Because your life is just that much better with them around.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-02--What Mercury In Libra Means For Each Zodiac Sign

Mercury enters the sign of Libra on September 5th and will leave on September 27th .
This is a transit that will have us practicing the Diplomatic values of the sign .
The scales will be tipped with Saturn and Mars , causing stressors to Mercury as the transit progresses .
We must remember to keep our cool and to power through with peacekeeping .
This year , the Cardinal signs will be battling it out and things will continue to intensify up until December .
A focus here should be on intellectual control , not emotional .
It is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with Mars in Aries , but at the end of the day , being patient and logical will allow for more successes than failures .
It ’ s a good time for you to practice some diplomacy this month .
With Mars currently in your sign , there are waves of impulsivity that will have you regretting things and putting your foot in your mouth .
Mercury adds some grace to your communication style .
Expect an enlightening and busy period as you connect with more people but discover new ways to approach @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Be ready to impress and to shine during this transit , which will require you to practice more patience .
You are a Venus-ruled sign , so this transit will be suitable for you and might feel easier to handle .
Mercury here helps boost your thoughts , goals , and ambitions .
You will be ready to get prepared , and if the going gets tough , you are also ready to make some damage control .
This is a time where you will be more focused on health and routine .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ get to you , but to channel this transit in a way that will allow you to push your productivity levels to new heights .
Air Mercury for the air signs seems like a great and fascinating time where you can get the creative energy and the confidence flowing .
Mercury in Libra can be a period where you meet a lot of people and have the power to have those enamored by what you have to say .
Like Libras , you are very much in your element now .
The only @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that you are not creating tension in your friend circles by saying harsh things that you could regret .
This transit has you grounded as you reflect on many events during the year .
You might feel the pressures mounting with this transit when Mercury starts to oppose Mars and Square Saturn .
Be careful not to bring the drama from work home .
It is also important to strive for balance with your personal relationships , as the tensions from Mars can create some stresses with romance and partners .
Breathe in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the diplomatic values Libra imposes .
A lot of tension will be felt during this transit as you try to bring equilibrium to your personal space , your work or school environment , and your dreams .
You are going full speed ahead , and this transit has you with the inspiration needed to get things done and to create wonders .
There could be some conflicts when Mercury starts to oppose Mars , making you second guess and doubt your beliefs and direction .
As we have learned through the course of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ perfecting our work and revising our plans , even when things aren ’ t going the way we plan .
During this transit , you will have your thoughts on the past , as nostalgia might begin to take over and you wonder a lot about your path .
It feels like a heavy theme this year , especially with Saturn adding a gloomy feel to your plans for fun .
Contemplate what you would like to have for the future ; build upon your stability and you will see how your mood @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as you allow yourself to flourish through these times .
Mercury in your sign will bring a little flare and cause lots of tensions .
This will have you in your element .
As an air sign , you have the command you need to get conversations to go in your favor .
With this transit , you can be fearless , especially with Mars causing that opposition to the planet .
Try to take a step back when things feel too overwhelming .
You might be excellent with your words now , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you do not take the time to control them .
Do not pick fights with others—focus on harmony and remember to express yourself .
It ’ s an introspective time for you during this transit .
Reflecting on the past will have you pushing forward .
The opposition this planet will have with Mars is going to have you wanting to progress and fight for what you believe in .
Be patient , as this can become frustrating when Mercury battles out Saturn as well .
Remember to take breaks and meditate when @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , this can be a pleasant transit that will bring insight and passion and will have you prepared for when Mercury enters your sign .
You will be fond of connecting with friends during this transit , as Mercury adds that charm and boost to your ego .
You will find it easier to find the right things to say and the right words can get your popularity levels up .
With Mars battling it out with Mercury later this month , you might need to take a step back and consider an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Mercury and Mars will favor those in the creative fields , as you can create masterful concepts if you allow it .
It could feel like a lot of pressure with Mercury in Libra creating a square to Saturn and Pluto on your sign .
You can be at the top of the game , handling all of the pressures that are thrown at you .
All eyes are on you during this transit , and you as an Earth sign can navigate the surprises that this can bring .
Focusing on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more growth and balance .
This can lead to understanding the paths you pursue with your career .
Patience and maintaining focus is vital this month .
A boost in your confidence will be the result of this Mercury transit in fellow air sign Libra .
You are ready to learn more and are passionate about your pursuits .
With Mars creating an opposition to Mercury , you might feel driven but some uncertainties can present themselves .
This is a transit that has you thinking about the road ahead and the direction @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you learn now will influence your new plans for the future .
This transit will open your eyes to things you did not want to deal with .
It can be tough getting back to topics that were uncomfortable for you .
But with Mercury in Libra , you will find that navigating through what feels painful can help with maturity .
You will gain a little more confidence here , and Mars in Aries will have you ready to take on those challenges .
The graceful presence of a Venus-ruled Mercury sign @ @ @ @ @ @ @ come with Mercury transits .

Mercury enters the sign of Libra on September 5th and will leave on September 27th. This is a transit that will have us practicing the Diplomatic values of the sign. The scales will be tipped with Saturn and Mars, causing stressors to Mercury as the transit progresses. We must remember to keep our cool and to power through with peacekeeping. This year, the Cardinal signs will be battling it out and things will continue to intensify up until December. A focus here should be on intellectual control, not emotional. It is easy to lose our composure and control with Mars in Aries, but at the end of the day, being patient and logical will allow for more successes than failures.
Aries
It’s a good time for you to practice some diplomacy this month. With Mars currently in your sign, there are waves of impulsivity that will have you regretting things and putting your foot in your mouth. Mercury adds some grace to your communication style. Expect an enlightening and busy period as you connect with more people but discover new ways to approach them with your evolving communication style. Be ready to impress and to shine during this transit, which will require you to practice more patience.
Taurus
You are a Venus-ruled sign, so this transit will be suitable for you and might feel easier to handle. Mercury here helps boost your thoughts, goals, and ambitions. You will be ready to get prepared, and if the going gets tough, you are also ready to make some damage control. This is a time where you will be more focused on health and routine. Make sure not to let the anxiety get to you, but to channel this transit in a way that will allow you to push your productivity levels to new heights.
Gemini
Air Mercury for the air signs seems like a great and fascinating time where you can get the creative energy and the confidence flowing. Mercury in Libra can be a period where you meet a lot of people and have the power to have those enamored by what you have to say. Like Libras, you are very much in your element now. The only focus here would be to make sure that you are not creating tension in your friend circles by saying harsh things that you could regret.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Cancer
This transit has you grounded as you reflect on many events during the year. You might feel the pressures mounting with this transit when Mercury starts to oppose Mars and Square Saturn. Be careful not to bring the drama from work home. It is also important to strive for balance with your personal relationships, as the tensions from Mars can create some stresses with romance and partners. Breathe in during this transit and remember to exercise the diplomatic values Libra imposes.
Leo
A lot of tension will be felt during this transit as you try to bring equilibrium to your personal space, your work or school environment, and your dreams. You are going full speed ahead, and this transit has you with the inspiration needed to get things done and to create wonders. There could be some conflicts when Mercury starts to oppose Mars, making you second guess and doubt your beliefs and direction. As we have learned through the course of the year, we have to keep perfecting our work and revising our plans, even when things aren’t going the way we plan.
Virgo
During this transit, you will have your thoughts on the past, as nostalgia might begin to take over and you wonder a lot about your path. It feels like a heavy theme this year, especially with Saturn adding a gloomy feel to your plans for fun. Contemplate what you would like to have for the future; build upon your stability and you will see how your mood can shift and your ambitions will grow as you allow yourself to flourish through these times.
Libra
Mercury in your sign will bring a little flare and cause lots of tensions. This will have you in your element. As an air sign, you have the command you need to get conversations to go in your favor. With this transit, you can be fearless, especially with Mars causing that opposition to the planet. Try to take a step back when things feel too overwhelming. You might be excellent with your words now, but they can cause some damage if you do not take the time to control them. Do not pick fights with others—focus on harmony and remember to express yourself.
Scorpio
It’s an introspective time for you during this transit. Reflecting on the past will have you pushing forward. The opposition this planet will have with Mars is going to have you wanting to progress and fight for what you believe in. Be patient, as this can become frustrating when Mercury battles out Saturn as well. Remember to take breaks and meditate when things start to get overwhelming. Overall, this can be a pleasant transit that will bring insight and passion and will have you prepared for when Mercury enters your sign.
Sagittarius
You will be fond of connecting with friends during this transit, as Mercury adds that charm and boost to your ego. You will find it easier to find the right things to say and the right words can get your popularity levels up. With Mars battling it out with Mercury later this month, you might need to take a step back and consider an outlet to get the frustrating emotions out. Mercury and Mars will favor those in the creative fields, as you can create masterful concepts if you allow it.
Capricorn
It could feel like a lot of pressure with Mercury in Libra creating a square to Saturn and Pluto on your sign. You can be at the top of the game, handling all of the pressures that are thrown at you. All eyes are on you during this transit, and you as an Earth sign can navigate the surprises that this can bring. Focusing on the home front will allow you for more growth and balance. This can lead to understanding the paths you pursue with your career. Patience and maintaining focus is vital this month.
Aquarius
A boost in your confidence will be the result of this Mercury transit in fellow air sign Libra. You are ready to learn more and are passionate about your pursuits. With Mars creating an opposition to Mercury, you might feel driven but some uncertainties can present themselves. This is a transit that has you thinking about the road ahead and the direction you are willing to go. What you learn now will influence your new plans for the future.
Pisces
This transit will open your eyes to things you did not want to deal with. It can be tough getting back to topics that were uncomfortable for you. But with Mercury in Libra, you will find that navigating through what feels painful can help with maturity. You will gain a little more confidence here, and Mars in Aries will have you ready to take on those challenges. The graceful presence of a Venus-ruled Mercury sign can help alleviate the anxiousness that can come with Mercury transits.