thoughtcatalog--2020-09-02--10 Herbs for Menstrual Cramps: Periods Aren’t as Painful When Taking These

One of the worst symptoms of PMS is recurring , painful cramps .
Menstrual cramping is caused by too many prostaglandins in the bloodstream , which are compounds that are released from the uterine muscle as it is preparing to shed .
Prostaglandins will cause a uterine contraction so that the endometrium can detach and flow out of the body .
Menstrual cramps , also known as primary dysmenorrhea , occur during or before menstruation .
However , secondary dysmenorrhea involves period pain from uterine fibroids .
This is much more painful than a normal menstrual cramp .
Although any @ @ @ @ @ @ @ menstruation — can be uncomfortable , the pain can be reduced with pain medication .
Mefenamic acid , for instance , is an anti-inflammatory drug that will reduce period cramps .
It can also reduce blood flow and blood loss from menstrual bleeding .
However , drugs are not the only option when dealing with a painful period .
Herbal remedies are also effective against symptoms .
Below , there are multiple herbs for menstrual cramps so every woman can stay comfortable during that time of the month : Ginger is known for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ginger tea , ginger capsules , or ginger root powder is commonly used to reduce period pain .
This herb will reduce the production of prostaglandins in order to alleviate more than one PMS symptom .
In addition to reducing cramps , it will also lessen mood swings and headaches .
It can also treat morning sickness , lower blood sugar , combat indigestion , and lower cholesterol levels .
Overall , ginger is incredibly helpful because it can solve multiple menstrual symptoms at once .
The best essential oil to use for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ which can reduce discomfort , or cinnamon oil , which can reduce inflammation .
Both options will provide pain relief in a short period of time .
However , they have different additional benefits .
Lavender oil can improve circulation , ease joint pain , boost mood , reduce acne , ease anxiety , and keep hair healthy .
Meanwhile , cinnamon oil can reduce stress , fight off infections , and even protect against insects .
If neither of these oils is sufficient for someone ’ s symptoms , rose oil is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sleep , eases anxiety , and provides pain relief for cramps .
Lemon balm tea is a type of herbal tea with antioxidants that can lower oxidative stress and inflammation .
This natural remedy will prevent painful menstruation on a monthly basis .
However , lemon balm can also calm anxiety , treat insomnia , improve concentration , and battle inflammation .
Lemon balm tea is one of the best types of herbal medicine because it is capable of doing much more than simply reducing period cramps .
It has countless benefits — @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Simply chop up 1/4 cup of fresh lemon balm leaves , mix it with a hot cup of water , and allow it to steep for ten minutes .
Then add a teaspoon of honey for flavor .
Cramping can be calmed by chamomile tea , which is packed with anti-inflammatory substances .
It enhances the menstrual flow in order to lessen pain during the menstruation cycle .
Chamomile is also known for promoting sleep , reducing stress , reducing acne , and boosting immunity .
Plus , it is a digestive relaxant @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when the menstrual period comes to an end .
Peppermint is a muscle relaxant , so drinking peppermint tea will lessen ( or even prevent ) cramps .
Tea is an excellent menstrual pain reliever because it has fewer side effects than over-the-counter drugs , which have the potential to cause bloating , gas , vomiting , dizziness , or a rash .
In fact , peppermint actually has additional benefits , like fighting bad breath , aiding digestion , promoting sleep , relieving clogged sinuses , increasing energy , and boosting immunity @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have an anti-spasm effect on the uterus .
This medicinal herb will help the body relax and relieve menstrual cramps , which will reduce a person ’ s dependency on over-the-counter medications .
In addition to providing period pain relief , it also works as a muscle relaxer .
This product is vegan and gluten-free without the harsh bite of alcohol .
It can be swallowed on its own or it can be dropped into a cup of hot water in order to create cramp bark tea .
A handful of scientists have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ menstrual pain even better than over-the-counter medication .
These herbs include angelica root , fennel fruit , licorice root , cinnamon bark , and red peony root .
No matter which Chinese herb is ingested , it should successfully treat dysmenorrhea symptoms .
However , if they are not effective , acupuncture is another big component of Chinese medicine .
Acupuncture involves sticking needles into pressure points , such as the four gates associated with Liver Qi Stagnation .
The process of acupuncture should also ease pain from cramping .
Red raspberry leaves @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like potassium , magnesium , zinc , phosphorus , and iron .
A red raspberry leaf also contains fragarine , which tones and tightens pelvic muscles .
Cramping is caused by these muscles spasming , so consuming red raspberry leaf tea can combat pain and prevent painful menstrual cramps .
Not only does it support healthy menstruation , but European and Native American women have been using these leaves for thousands of years in order to prepare for healthy childbirth .
Pycnogenol is a plant extract that comes from a pine tree in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ herb contains antioxidant compounds that will reduce the need for pain medication .
It is also taken to deal with asthma , ringing ears , osteoarthritis , and ADHD .
Some people also use skin creams containing pycnogenol for its anti-aging effect .
However , it is most commonly used for endometriosis and painful periods which can cause severe pelvic pain in women .
Fennel contains anethole , which has anti-spasm effects .
This will make each cramp hurt less during the menstrual period .
It could even get rid of primary dysmenorrhea @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , antifungal activity , and works as an antioxidant .
That means it can help regulate blood pressure , clear up acne , reduce constipation , and limit asthma symptoms .
Overall , eating fennel seeds or drinking fennel tea is beneficial to a woman ’ s health during her menstrual cycle .

One of the worst symptoms of PMS is recurring, painful cramps. Menstrual cramping is caused by too many prostaglandins in the bloodstream, which are compounds that are released from the uterine muscle as it is preparing to shed. Prostaglandins will cause a uterine contraction so that the endometrium can detach and flow out of the body.
Menstrual cramps, also known as primary dysmenorrhea, occur during or before menstruation. However, secondary dysmenorrhea involves period pain from uterine fibroids. This is much more painful than a normal menstrual cramp.
Although any cramp — caused by premenstrual syndrome or menstruation — can be uncomfortable, the pain can be reduced with pain medication. Mefenamic acid, for instance, is an anti-inflammatory drug that will reduce period cramps. It can also reduce blood flow and blood loss from menstrual bleeding.
However, drugs are not the only option when dealing with a painful period. Herbal remedies are also effective against symptoms. Below, there are multiple herbs for menstrual cramps so every woman can stay comfortable during that time of the month:
1. Ginger Tea
Ginger is known for its anti-inflammatory properties, which is why ginger tea, ginger capsules, or ginger root powder is commonly used to reduce period pain. This herb will reduce the production of prostaglandins in order to alleviate more than one PMS symptom. In addition to reducing cramps, it will also lessen mood swings and headaches. It can also treat morning sickness, lower blood sugar, combat indigestion, and lower cholesterol levels. Overall, ginger is incredibly helpful because it can solve multiple menstrual symptoms at once.
2. Essential Oils
The best essential oil to use for period cramps is either lavender oil, which can reduce discomfort, or cinnamon oil, which can reduce inflammation. Both options will provide pain relief in a short period of time. However, they have different additional benefits. Lavender oil can improve circulation, ease joint pain, boost mood, reduce acne, ease anxiety, and keep hair healthy. Meanwhile, cinnamon oil can reduce stress, fight off infections, and even protect against insects. If neither of these oils is sufficient for someone’s symptoms, rose oil is another, lesser-known option. It promotes sleep, eases anxiety, and provides pain relief for cramps.
3. Lemon Balm Tea
Lemon balm tea is a type of herbal tea with antioxidants that can lower oxidative stress and inflammation. This natural remedy will prevent painful menstruation on a monthly basis. However, lemon balm can also calm anxiety, treat insomnia, improve concentration, and battle inflammation. Lemon balm tea is one of the best types of herbal medicine because it is capable of doing much more than simply reducing period cramps. It has countless benefits — and it is easy to make. Simply chop up 1/4 cup of fresh lemon balm leaves, mix it with a hot cup of water, and allow it to steep for ten minutes. Then add a teaspoon of honey for flavor.
4. Chamomile Tea
Cramping can be calmed by chamomile tea, which is packed with anti-inflammatory substances. It enhances the menstrual flow in order to lessen pain during the menstruation cycle. Chamomile is also known for promoting sleep, reducing stress, reducing acne, and boosting immunity. Plus, it is a digestive relaxant that can help reduce stomachaches, even when the menstrual period comes to an end.
5. Peppermint Tea
Peppermint is a muscle relaxant, so drinking peppermint tea will lessen (or even prevent) cramps. Tea is an excellent menstrual pain reliever because it has fewer side effects than over-the-counter drugs, which have the potential to cause bloating, gas, vomiting, dizziness, or a rash. In fact, peppermint actually has additional benefits, like fighting bad breath, aiding digestion, promoting sleep, relieving clogged sinuses, increasing energy, and boosting immunity.
6. Cramp Bark Tea
Cramp Bark and Black Haw Tincture have an anti-spasm effect on the uterus. This medicinal herb will help the body relax and relieve menstrual cramps, which will reduce a person’s dependency on over-the-counter medications. In addition to providing period pain relief, it also works as a muscle relaxer. This product is vegan and gluten-free without the harsh bite of alcohol. It can be swallowed on its own or it can be dropped into a cup of hot water in order to create cramp bark tea.
7. Chinese Herbs
A handful of scientists have claimed that Chinese herbal medicine can reduce menstrual pain even better than over-the-counter medication. These herbs include angelica root, fennel fruit, licorice root, cinnamon bark, and red peony root. No matter which Chinese herb is ingested, it should successfully treat dysmenorrhea symptoms. However, if they are not effective, acupuncture is another big component of Chinese medicine. Acupuncture involves sticking needles into pressure points, such as the four gates associated with Liver Qi Stagnation. The process of acupuncture should also ease pain from cramping.
8. Red Raspberry Leaves
Red raspberry leaves are rich with vitamins and minerals, like potassium, magnesium, zinc, phosphorus, and iron. A red raspberry leaf also contains fragarine, which tones and tightens pelvic muscles. Cramping is caused by these muscles spasming, so consuming red raspberry leaf tea can combat pain and prevent painful menstrual cramps. Not only does it support healthy menstruation, but European and Native American women have been using these leaves for thousands of years in order to prepare for healthy childbirth.
9. Pycnogenol Extract
Pycnogenol is a plant extract that comes from a pine tree in the southwestern region of France. This herb contains antioxidant compounds that will reduce the need for pain medication. It is also taken to deal with asthma, ringing ears, osteoarthritis, and ADHD. Some people also use skin creams containing pycnogenol for its anti-aging effect. However, it is most commonly used for endometriosis and painful periods which can cause severe pelvic pain in women.
10. Fennel Seeds
Fennel contains anethole, which has anti-spasm effects. This will make each cramp hurt less during the menstrual period. It could even get rid of primary dysmenorrhea completely. Fennel also has anti-inflammatory properties, antifungal activity, and works as an antioxidant. That means it can help regulate blood pressure, clear up acne, reduce constipation, and limit asthma symptoms. Overall, eating fennel seeds or drinking fennel tea is beneficial to a woman’s health during her menstrual cycle.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-03--How to Lower Cortisol: 17 Tips for Anyone Suffering from Stress and Anxiety

Cortisol is a steroid hormone released by a body ’ s adrenal glands .
It is commonly referred to as a stress hormone .
Although cortisol is important for functioning in everyday life , it ’ s dangerous when cortisol levels remain high for too long .
To break down the process , cortisol secretion is performed by an adrenocorticotropic hormone , which is part of the HPA axis .
This involves the hypothalamus , the pituitary gland , and the adrenal gland .
Together , they control the body ’ s reaction to stress — and also regulate digestion @ @ @ @ @ @ @ emotions , sexuality , and energy storage .
High cortisol levels can cause high blood pressure , high blood sugar levels , weight gain , sleep deprivation , insulin resistance , decreased energy , heart disease , and poor memory .
High cortisol could also lead to Cushing ’ s disease , which occurs when a body makes too much cortisol on its own for an extended period of time .
There is also a chance of developing adrenal fatigue .
This occurs when long-term exposure to stress leads to lower cortisol levels @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , loss of hair , low blood pressure , lightheadedness , and weight loss .
That is why it ’ s so important to keep the hormone in balance .
Otherwise , it could have severe consequences .
To stay healthy , here are a few tips on how to lower cortisol the perfect amount : Moderate and low-intensity exercise is capable of lowering cortisol .
Of course , exercising will have additional benefits as well .
Taking regular walks or running on the treadmill will reduce the risk of developing heart disease @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sugar levels , prevent weight gain , and help skin health .
However , high-intensity exercise can actually cause excess cortisol , which is why it ’ s important to exercise in moderation .
Pushing the body too far is never beneficial .
Although insomnia can be a symptom of high cortisol , it can also cause high cortisol .
That is why it ’ s important to set aside enough time to rest each night .
Seven to nine hours is the recommended amount of time to sleep in order for a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ However , it ’ s also important to get good quality sleep .
In order to make it easier to fall asleep and reduce the chance of waking up in the middle of the night , limit exposure to sunlight and avoid technology for at least an hour before getting into bed .
Naps are also an excellent way to get a boost of energy throughout the day while also preventing high cortisol levels .
Anxiety and chronic stress are the main causes of a cortisol imbalance , so it is necessary to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to counteract the stress response .
This is possible through deep breathing exercises , meditation , yoga , or Tai Chi .
Aromatherapy , hydrotherapy , music therapy , and art therapy are also options .
Even something as simple as booking a massage at a spa can be beneficial .
Overall , anything that gives the body a chance to relax and unwind will help lower cortisol levels .
Most methods of lowering cortisol are not quick fixes .
They require complete lifestyle changes .
Although it might be difficult to initiate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ important to walk away from toxic partners , relatives , friends , and coworkers who cause additional stress .
One negative person is going to impact everyone surrounding them .
They are going to cause unnecessary stress and elevate cortisol levels without even realizing they are the source of the problem .
Elevated cortisol is commonly caused by anxiety .
Although there are easy-to-learn breathing techniques and other coping mechanisms that can be used at home in order to temper the stress response , therapy is the best way to learn more about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t suffer from anxiety can benefit from talking to a professional .
In fact , therapy has been proven to lower cortisol levels by thirty percent .
Drinking plenty of water , eating fruits , and reducing sugar intake are all easy ways to reduce cortisol levels .
Be careful to avoid white bread , cakes , pastries , candies , and sodas .
Instead , eat bananas , pears , yogurt , and even dark chocolate .
Nutrition is an important part of developing a healthy lifestyle .
In addition to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will also help a body develop clear skin , maintain its blood sugar levels , prevent weight gain , and delay the effects of aging .
Fish oil contains omega 3 fatty acids , which can cause cortisol reduction .
It also aids in weight loss , reduces inflammation , and supports healthy skin .
However , it is dangerous for anyone with diabetes because to take fish oil because it can increase blood sugar .
A great alternative is taking Ashwagandha .
This is an Asian herbal supplement that is used to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can also reduce blood sugar levels , increase muscle mass , and boost strength .
Coffee has been proven to increase cortisol levels .
After someone consumes a cup , they will create the same amount of cortisol that they would have when undergoing extreme stress .
The caffeine actually recreates stress conditions in the body .
Caffeine also makes it difficult to fall asleep at night , and sleep deprivation will lead to elevated cortisol .
While coffee can lead to an elevated cortisol level , tea has the opposite effect .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ it also contains polyphenols and catechins , which are packed with antioxidants .
Half a cup of green tea per day is an easy ( and enjoyable ) way to lower the stress hormone .
It will also reduce the risk of heart disease , improve blood flow , and lower cholesterol .
It ’ s been proven that interacting with animals can lower a person ’ s stress level and blood pressure level .
Adopting a pet can also reduce loneliness , provide social support , and boost moods .
It doesn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a dog , a cat , a rabbit , or a turtle .
Regardless of what type of animal it may be , owning a pet can successfully help someone keep their stress hormone levels down .
Cortisol blockers are supplements that are designed to help the body function during times of stress .
This drug is typically used to treat Cushing ’ s syndrome or adrenal gland problems .
Although cortisol blockers can lower cortisol production , they are also marketed as a weight loss pill .
However , they should not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ only be used to lower cortisol .
Nature pills are a low-cost way to lower cortisol levels .
Taking a walk down the block or sitting outside in the grass is a natural , free , stress-relieving activity that can cause reduced cortisol levels .
Instead of remaining inside of the house and staring at electronics all day long , spend at least twenty minutes outside in nature per day .
Enjoy the sunlight .
Listen to the birds .
Stay present .
Not only is spending time outdoors good for anxiety and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ energy and increase creativity .
The simple act of letting off steam will lead to reduced cortisol .
Journaling is an effective way to relieve stress without interacting with others .
It provides an outlet for expressing hurt and frustrated feelings .
However , getting emotions out in the open with a therapist or a trusted friend is also an option .
Either way , it ’ s dangerous to keep emotions bottled up inside .
It ’ s better to release stress through journaling , poetry , or any other hobby that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ necessarily the best way to cope with a hormonal imbalance .
Lifestyle changes can be even more successful when it comes to lowering cortisol .
Although there are always going to be stressful moments throughout life , it ’ s important to avoid any unnecessary stressors .
Choose to be picky instead of settling for a toxic environment .
Visualization can also help create a better , healthier future .
Although there are many people who drink alcohol in order to relax , it actually has the opposite effect .
Consuming alcohol causes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ disrupt sleep , damage the liver , damage the kidneys , slur speech , and cause a depressed mood .
Overall , alcohol should be avoided when cortisol levels are already high because it will only make the issue worse .
The best form of stress reduction is to have fun .
After all , the stress hormone cortisol is a response to the body and mind feeling overwhelmed .
That is why it ’ s important to take regular mental health breaks .
Take off from work instead of burning out .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ to dedicate to mental health .
Remember , the body and the mind are tied together .
When one is suffering , the other is going to follow suit .
When it ’ s impossible to reduce the body ’ s cortisol level naturally , it ’ s a good idea to take a cortisol test to check for Cushing ’ s syndrome .
Salivary cortisol tests are available at most drug stores .
However , a doctor will have the best medical advice .
They can take two blood tests , one @ @ @ @ @ @ @ evening , in order to see how the cortisol levels fluctuate .
Then they can suggest the best way to move forward .

Cortisol is a steroid hormone released by a body’s adrenal glands. It is commonly referred to as a stress hormone. Although cortisol is important for functioning in everyday life, it’s dangerous when cortisol levels remain high for too long.
To break down the process, cortisol secretion is performed by an adrenocorticotropic hormone, which is part of the HPA axis. This involves the hypothalamus, the pituitary gland, and the adrenal gland. Together, they control the body’s reaction to stress — and also regulate digestion, the immune system, mood, emotions, sexuality, and energy storage.
High cortisol levels can cause high blood pressure, high blood sugar levels, weight gain, sleep deprivation, insulin resistance, decreased energy, heart disease, and poor memory. High cortisol could also lead to Cushing’s disease, which occurs when a body makes too much cortisol on its own for an extended period of time.
There is also a chance of developing adrenal fatigue. This occurs when long-term exposure to stress leads to lower cortisol levels. Lower cortisol can cause body aches, loss of hair, low blood pressure, lightheadedness, and weight loss. That is why it’s so important to keep the hormone in balance. Otherwise, it could have severe consequences. To stay healthy, here are a few tips on how to lower cortisol the perfect amount:
1. Exercise every single day.
Moderate and low-intensity exercise is capable of lowering cortisol. Of course, exercising will have additional benefits as well. Taking regular walks or running on the treadmill will reduce the risk of developing heart disease, maintain the body’s blood sugar levels, prevent weight gain, and help skin health. However, high-intensity exercise can actually cause excess cortisol, which is why it’s important to exercise in moderation. Pushing the body too far is never beneficial.
2. Get a good night’s sleep.
Although insomnia can be a symptom of high cortisol, it can also cause high cortisol. That is why it’s important to set aside enough time to rest each night. Seven to nine hours is the recommended amount of time to sleep in order for a body to function at its best. However, it’s also important to get good quality sleep. In order to make it easier to fall asleep and reduce the chance of waking up in the middle of the night, limit exposure to sunlight and avoid technology for at least an hour before getting into bed. Naps are also an excellent way to get a boost of energy throughout the day while also preventing high cortisol levels.
3. Learn relaxation techniques.
Anxiety and chronic stress are the main causes of a cortisol imbalance, so it is necessary to learn how to elicit a relaxation response to counteract the stress response. This is possible through deep breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, or Tai Chi. Aromatherapy, hydrotherapy, music therapy, and art therapy are also options. Even something as simple as booking a massage at a spa can be beneficial. Overall, anything that gives the body a chance to relax and unwind will help lower cortisol levels.
4. Maintain healthy relationships.
Most methods of lowering cortisol are not quick fixes. They require complete lifestyle changes. Although it might be difficult to initiate such extreme change, it’s important to walk away from toxic partners, relatives, friends, and coworkers who cause additional stress. One negative person is going to impact everyone surrounding them. They are going to cause unnecessary stress and elevate cortisol levels without even realizing they are the source of the problem.
5. Book an appointment with a therapist.
Elevated cortisol is commonly caused by anxiety. Although there are easy-to-learn breathing techniques and other coping mechanisms that can be used at home in order to temper the stress response, therapy is the best way to learn more about mental health. Even patients who don’t suffer from anxiety can benefit from talking to a professional. In fact, therapy has been proven to lower cortisol levels by thirty percent.
6. Maintain a healthy diet.
Drinking plenty of water, eating fruits, and reducing sugar intake are all easy ways to reduce cortisol levels. Be careful to avoid white bread, cakes, pastries, candies, and sodas. Instead, eat bananas, pears, yogurt, and even dark chocolate. Nutrition is an important part of developing a healthy lifestyle. In addition to helping manage cortisol levels, eating healthy will also help a body develop clear skin, maintain its blood sugar levels, prevent weight gain, and delay the effects of aging.
7. Take daily supplements.
Fish oil contains omega 3 fatty acids, which can cause cortisol reduction. It also aids in weight loss, reduces inflammation, and supports healthy skin. However, it is dangerous for anyone with diabetes because to take fish oil because it can increase blood sugar. A great alternative is taking Ashwagandha. This is an Asian herbal supplement that is used to treat anxiety and reduce cortisol. It can also reduce blood sugar levels, increase muscle mass, and boost strength.
8. Avoid drinking coffee.
Coffee has been proven to increase cortisol levels. After someone consumes a cup, they will create the same amount of cortisol that they would have when undergoing extreme stress. The caffeine actually recreates stress conditions in the body. Caffeine also makes it difficult to fall asleep at night, and sleep deprivation will lead to elevated cortisol.
9. Drink a cup of tea.
While coffee can lead to an elevated cortisol level, tea has the opposite effect. Although it has caffeine in it, it also contains polyphenols and catechins, which are packed with antioxidants. Half a cup of green tea per day is an easy (and enjoyable) way to lower the stress hormone. It will also reduce the risk of heart disease, improve blood flow, and lower cholesterol.
10. Adopt a pet.
It’s been proven that interacting with animals can lower a person’s stress level and blood pressure level. Adopting a pet can also reduce loneliness, provide social support, and boost moods. It doesn’t matter whether the pet is a dog, a cat, a rabbit, or a turtle. Regardless of what type of animal it may be, owning a pet can successfully help someone keep their stress hormone levels down.
11. Take cortisol blockers.
Cortisol blockers are supplements that are designed to help the body function during times of stress. This drug is typically used to treat Cushing’s syndrome or adrenal gland problems. Although cortisol blockers can lower cortisol production, they are also marketed as a weight loss pill. However, they should not be used for dieting. They should only be used to lower cortisol.
12. Spend time outdoors.
Nature pills are a low-cost way to lower cortisol levels. Taking a walk down the block or sitting outside in the grass is a natural, free, stress-relieving activity that can cause reduced cortisol levels. Instead of remaining inside of the house and staring at electronics all day long, spend at least twenty minutes outside in nature per day. Enjoy the sunlight. Listen to the birds. Stay present. Not only is spending time outdoors good for anxiety and stress, but it can also boost energy and increase creativity.
13. Write in a journal.
The simple act of letting off steam will lead to reduced cortisol. Journaling is an effective way to relieve stress without interacting with others. It provides an outlet for expressing hurt and frustrated feelings. However, getting emotions out in the open with a therapist or a trusted friend is also an option. Either way, it’s dangerous to keep emotions bottled up inside. It’s better to release stress through journaling, poetry, or any other hobby that sparks joy.
14. Avoid stressful situations.
Medication isn’t necessarily the best way to cope with a hormonal imbalance. Lifestyle changes can be even more successful when it comes to lowering cortisol. Although there are always going to be stressful moments throughout life, it’s important to avoid any unnecessary stressors. Choose to be picky instead of settling for a toxic environment. Visualization can also help create a better, healthier future.
15. Avoid alcohol.
Although there are many people who drink alcohol in order to relax, it actually has the opposite effect. Consuming alcohol causes high cortisol levels. It can also disrupt sleep, damage the liver, damage the kidneys, slur speech, and cause a depressed mood. Overall, alcohol should be avoided when cortisol levels are already high because it will only make the issue worse.
16. Have fun.
The best form of stress reduction is to have fun. After all, the stress hormone cortisol is a response to the body and mind feeling overwhelmed. That is why it’s important to take regular mental health breaks. Take off from work instead of burning out. Schedule a vacation. Set aside time to dedicate to mental health. Remember, the body and the mind are tied together. When one is suffering, the other is going to follow suit.
17. Visit a doctor.
When it’s impossible to reduce the body’s cortisol level naturally, it’s a good idea to take a cortisol test to check for Cushing’s syndrome. Salivary cortisol tests are available at most drug stores. However, a doctor will have the best medical advice. They can take two blood tests, one in the morning and one in the evening, in order to see how the cortisol levels fluctuate. Then they can suggest the best way to move forward.
Sources


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-04--20 People Who Perform Autopsies Reveal The Creepiest Thing They’ve Found Inside A Dead Body

1 .
Spoke with a pathologist at a conference , during her training at the medical examiner ’ s office , they were doing an autopsy on a body that was found by a river .
They did a CT and something looked funny about his gut .
When they opened him up , his stomach moved , it was a snake that had burrowed inside his body , it struck and bit one of the techs before they realized what was going on .
2 .
Pennies .
Hundreds of pennies , nearly six dollars worth inside the skin @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The deceased was a hermit , lived alone , ordered out for every meal .
Apparently he ’ d been surgically implanting pennies in his skin for years .
No fucking clue why .
3 .
My friend who does autopsies found barbie doll heads in the intestines of a 21-year-old woman .
Yes barbie dolls , ken dolls , that stuff .
The weird part is she died from COPD .
4 .
We had a guy who took a bullet to the back of his head , execution-style and after the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his head anymore , we couldn ’ t find the exit wound anywhere .
Once we took out the brain , we discovered it exited perfectly out of one of his nostrils leaving no trace of an external exit wound .
5 .
My brother in law was in his early 60s and passed away from a heart attack .
During his autopsy , it was noted he only had one kidney .
He never had a kidney removed and the only surgery he ever had was to have his appendix removed .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ in fact removed and not just a birth defect .
The appendix surgery happened when he was very young .
6 .
One of my friends does autopsies and he said that he found 24 screws in the large intestine of a 75-year-old woman .
The weirdest part is she died of a heart attack while in the shower .
There was no possible explanation other than she was suffering from pica .
7 .
An 88-year-old grandma died of carbon monoxide poisoning .
During the autopsy , we couldn ’ t open @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much drilling we realized that her cranium was around 3-4 cm thick all the way around , leaving her with the smallest brain on a grown woman I ’ ve ever seen .
She was fully functioning and never seemed affected by it in the slightest .
I ’ ve never seen anything like it .
8 .
When I was a student I saw an autopsy of a man who had hanged himself .
When we checked the main arteries in the heart he had a huge blockage .
He was basically @ @ @ @ @ @ @ attack so probably would have died anyway !
Sorry pretty grim .
9 .
Back in the 90s , I worked for the company that was contracted to move bodies for the coroner .
We picked up the body of a lady who had worked as a tailor in her youth .
When they did the post mortem , there were several dressmaking pins and needles under her skin ( mainly in her legs ) .
There was also a pin lodged in her lung .
The coroner thought she must have inhaled @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pulmonary embolism back in the 60s which had forced her to retire .
Maybe the pin was the cause of it .
How she hadn ’ t felt the pins or that none of them had been picked up on x-rays or scans she ’ d had in later life , I don ’ t know .
The cause of death was a stroke .
10 .
I worked as a pathology assistant .
My boss once found a 6-inch builder ’ s nail in a chap ’ s thigh .
He ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but the nail was all healed over , even where it had nicked the bone so it must ’ ve been there a few years .
11 .
5 years ago , in an autopsy I viewed , the patient was put down to have died from post-surgical complications from a colostomy ( infection lead to sepsis and ended with MOF ) .
When they began the examination and looked they found some surgical tweezers left behind which was attributed to being the cause of the infection because of how tucked away they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ happened afterward but it was definitely referred higher .
12 .
Incidental finding of a toothpick lodged in the small intestine .
13 .
Accessory spleens were super common , but one lady had 14 of them , but no actual spleen .
Just 14 little blueberry-sized accessory spleens .
14 .
Elderly female with five very old tampons in her vaginal canal .
15 .
Buddy told me he found a pair of dentures in someone ’ s thigh .
Didn ’ t say a word to anyone about it for a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Guy called his ex-wife , told her he was ending it all , had a gun , drove out to the middle of nowhere , and… .
Died of a heart attack .
We couldn ’ t believe it either .
17 .
An old shut-in died from natural causes , and his body was found a few weeks after he passed .
During the autopsy , the coroner found what appeared to be thin copper wire running the length of the decedent ’ s arms , legs , and torso .
It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a single point or “ outlet ” emerging at the base of the neck .
The man had no family , so no one had a clue how the wires got there or why .
18 .
Saw photos of a young guy who had died at home and his pet fox then ate part of his face .
19 .
While completing the post-autopsy repair for a gentleman , I found a plastic ladle tucked under the ribs .
It was probably left by some poor autopsy technician who got yelled at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
I was once in a mental health facility for only a short amount of time , and I met a woman whose daughter passed away from a drug overdose and had been upset at her for selling her grandmother ’ s necklace for what she thought was drugs , but when the autopsy came back it was found in her stomach .
Apparently she was swallowing the same necklace for years and I can imagine why someone would do that .

These stories from real coroners on Ask Reddit are creepy AF.
1. Spoke with a pathologist at a conference, during her training at the medical examiner’s office, they were doing an autopsy on a body that was found by a river. They did a CT and something looked funny about his gut. When they opened him up, his stomach moved, it was a snake that had burrowed inside his body, it struck and bit one of the techs before they realized what was going on.
2. Pennies. Hundreds of pennies, nearly six dollars worth inside the skin all over the arms and legs. The deceased was a hermit, lived alone, ordered out for every meal. Apparently he’d been surgically implanting pennies in his skin for years. No fucking clue why.
3. My friend who does autopsies found barbie doll heads in the intestines of a 21-year-old woman. Yes barbie dolls, ken dolls, that stuff. The weird part is she died from COPD.
4. We had a guy who took a bullet to the back of his head, execution-style and after the x-rays determined the bullet was not in his head anymore, we couldn’t find the exit wound anywhere. Once we took out the brain, we discovered it exited perfectly out of one of his nostrils leaving no trace of an external exit wound.
5. My brother in law was in his early 60s and passed away from a heart attack. During his autopsy, it was noted he only had one kidney. He never had a kidney removed and the only surgery he ever had was to have his appendix removed. And the mortician said that it was in fact removed and not just a birth defect. The appendix surgery happened when he was very young.
6. One of my friends does autopsies and he said that he found 24 screws in the large intestine of a 75-year-old woman. The weirdest part is she died of a heart attack while in the shower. There was no possible explanation other than she was suffering from pica.
7. An 88-year-old grandma died of carbon monoxide poisoning. During the autopsy, we couldn’t open the back of the cranium. After much drilling we realized that her cranium was around 3-4 cm thick all the way around, leaving her with the smallest brain on a grown woman I’ve ever seen. She was fully functioning and never seemed affected by it in the slightest. I’ve never seen anything like it.
8. When I was a student I saw an autopsy of a man who had hanged himself. When we checked the main arteries in the heart he had a huge blockage. He was basically just about to have a huge heart attack so probably would have died anyway! Sorry pretty grim.
9. Back in the 90s, I worked for the company that was contracted to move bodies for the coroner. We picked up the body of a lady who had worked as a tailor in her youth. When they did the post mortem, there were several dressmaking pins and needles under her skin (mainly in her legs). There was also a pin lodged in her lung. The coroner thought she must have inhaled it. She’d suffered a pulmonary embolism back in the 60s which had forced her to retire. Maybe the pin was the cause of it. How she hadn’t felt the pins or that none of them had been picked up on x-rays or scans she’d had in later life, I don’t know. The cause of death was a stroke.
10. I worked as a pathology assistant. My boss once found a 6-inch builder’s nail in a chap’s thigh. He’d died on site after an accident but the nail was all healed over, even where it had nicked the bone so it must’ve been there a few years.
11. 5 years ago, in an autopsy I viewed, the patient was put down to have died from post-surgical complications from a colostomy (infection lead to sepsis and ended with MOF). When they began the examination and looked they found some surgical tweezers left behind which was attributed to being the cause of the infection because of how tucked away they were. I am unaware of what happened afterward but it was definitely referred higher.
12. Incidental finding of a toothpick lodged in the small intestine.
13. Accessory spleens were super common, but one lady had 14 of them, but no actual spleen. Just 14 little blueberry-sized accessory spleens.
14. Elderly female with five very old tampons in her vaginal canal.
15. Buddy told me he found a pair of dentures in someone’s thigh. Didn’t say a word to anyone about it for a couple of years either.
16. Guy called his ex-wife, told her he was ending it all, had a gun, drove out to the middle of nowhere, and…. Died of a heart attack. We couldn’t believe it either.
17. An old shut-in died from natural causes, and his body was found a few weeks after he passed.
During the autopsy, the coroner found what appeared to be thin copper wire running the length of the decedent’s arms, legs, and torso. It was embedded under the skin, with a single point or “outlet” emerging at the base of the neck.
The man had no family, so no one had a clue how the wires got there or why.
18. Saw photos of a young guy who had died at home and his pet fox then ate part of his face.
19. While completing the post-autopsy repair for a gentleman, I found a plastic ladle tucked under the ribs. It was probably left by some poor autopsy technician who got yelled at for losing the good ladle.
20. I was once in a mental health facility for only a short amount of time, and I met a woman whose daughter passed away from a drug overdose and had been upset at her for selling her grandmother’s necklace for what she thought was drugs, but when the autopsy came back it was found in her stomach.
Apparently she was swallowing the same necklace for years and I can imagine why someone would do that.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-04--The Best Horror To Binge This Weekend (9/4)

Congratulations on the long weekend ahead , with Labor Day here it ’ s officially Halloween time !
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Spend your day off decorating for spooky season and enjoying something pumpkin flavored .
Of course , we always recommend at least one weekend day spent horizontal watching horror movies , here ’ s some great picks that are streaming this weekend !
1BR — A woman tries to start a new life in Los Angeles , but something in her apartment building isn ’ t right .
Is it just LA or is there something wrong ?
This Netflix @ @ @ @ @ @ @ horror community and should definitely be on your to-watch list if it isn ’ t already .
Shut In — I caught this thriller on a whim last winter and I was glued to my couch .
Naomi Watts plays a child psychologist who deals with a troubling patient and a storm that cuts her off from the outside world in her new home .
The winter setting is perfect for saying goodbye to summer and there are a few good scares to be had if you turn off the lights and get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s fall bitch !
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Time to get the vibe right with the ultimate fall horror classic : Halloween .
There ’ s just something about this iconic film that perfectly captures the feeling of a spooky fall night .
Hopefully yours will just be spent watching The Shape ( Michael Myers ) from a safe distance , enjoying some popcorn , and looking forward to the season ahead .
— The trailer for season two of Netflix ’ s The Haunting of Hill House dropped and it looks fantastic !
— @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s Escape From A Murderer In Salt Creek , Australia — What ‘ The Platform ’ Has To Say About Capitalism — Mike Flannagan wants to direct the next Dark Tower movie — ICYMI the Hulu original this month is a parody of The Purge called The Binge .
That ’ s it for this week .
Stay spooky and check in for more recs next week .

Hey Creepy Catalogers,
Congratulations on the long weekend ahead, with Labor Day here it’s officially Halloween time!!! Spend your day off decorating for spooky season and enjoying something pumpkin flavored. Of course, we always recommend at least one weekend day spent horizontal watching horror movies, here’s some great picks that are streaming this weekend!
Best of Netflix:
1BR — A woman tries to start a new life in Los Angeles, but something in her apartment building isn’t right. Is it just LA or is there something wrong? This Netflix original is getting great reviews in the horror community and should definitely be on your to-watch list if it isn’t already.
Best of Hulu:
Shut In — I caught this thriller on a whim last winter and I was glued to my couch. Naomi Watts plays a child psychologist who deals with a troubling patient and a storm that cuts her off from the outside world in her new home. The winter setting is perfect for saying goodbye to summer and there are a few good scares to be had if you turn off the lights and get into it.
Best of Shudder/Amazon Prime:
Halloween — It’s fall bitch!!! Time to get the vibe right with the ultimate fall horror classic: Halloween. There’s just something about this iconic film that perfectly captures the feeling of a spooky fall night. Hopefully yours will just be spent watching The Shape (Michael Myers) from a safe distance, enjoying some popcorn, and looking forward to the season ahead.
This week’s Horror Happenings:
— The trailer for season two of Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House dropped and it looks fantastic!
— The True Story Of Two Backpacker’s Escape From A Murderer In Salt Creek, Australia
— What ‘The Platform’ Has To Say About Capitalism
— Mike Flannagan wants to direct the next Dark Tower movie
— ICYMI the Hulu original this month is a parody of The Purge called The Binge.
That’s it for this week. Stay spooky and check in for more recs next week.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-04--This Time Last Year

This Time Last Year

This time last year , I was in the produce aisle of the grocery store .
I reached for the raspberries on the bottom shelf , my hand shaking with the remnants of too much caffeine .
Unprocessed and unexpected , grief had come for me earlier that morning .
I ’ d tried to stave it off with a lot of black tea , to no avail .
The raspberries fell from my hand , becoming a broken necklace of red beads as they bounced and rolled across the aisle .
I knelt down to clean up the spill @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to help me .
She caught my eye and gave a warm , rueful smile that I did my best to return .
At that moment , I wasn ’ t capable of much small talk , and I was grateful for their silent company .
If I tried to speak , I might start crying again .
Smarting with some guilt , I bought a bunch of snacks , including the recovered raspberries .
I could wash them later .
I was impatient to get out of the store , into my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had decided to drive east to go visit my college campus .
It would be the first time I had been back since graduating a little over three years ago .
The campus was a place I had thought about many times since leaving .
It was impossible not to .
It was where I had fallen in and out of love for the first time , discovered new worlds of literature and philosophy , and met lifelong friends .
That campus had been the backdrop for some of my most formative experiences @ @ @ @ @ @ @ still required at least a metaphorical tour of its hallowed halls .
Now , with snacks and a full tank of gas , I was headed back for the real deal .
Earlier that morning , I had been running through the park near my apartment when I came upon a grove of eucalyptus trees .
Something about their smell—an unmistakable mix of pine , honey and mint—reminded me of walking to class on campus .
I stopped in the middle of my run and took a deep inhale .
To my surprise @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knew that I missed college , but the tears were unexpected .
They sprang out of somewhere forgotten .
I did not cry at graduation .
The day felt surreal , but not sad .
It rained softly throughout the ceremony , unusual for Southern California in May .
That evening , the rain cleared and my friends and I snuck onto the roof of one of the academic buildings .
We wrote our hopes and dreams down on wish paper , set it on fire , and watched it float into the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into the early morning , saying numerous goodbyes to the people who had made up so much of our world the last four years .
The next morning , the air hung heavy and expectant with humidity from the prior day ’ s rain .
I darted across campus to see friends I ’ d missed the night before .
My best friend and I finished packing up my car with our things .
Soon enough , it was time for us to leave .
She and I were unusually quiet as we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ We had no idea when we would next be back .
It was one of many things we didn ’ t know that day .
For the last eight years , we had lived in four-year cycles , first high school and then college .
Each place had its own set of rules , a structure of curricular , and extracurricular activities that yielded certain results .
Every minute of my high school career had been scheduled .
College had offered more freedom and autonomy , but I still walked a well-traveled path @ @ @ @ @ @ @ learned and grew in mostly predictable ways .
By the end of the four years , I was more well-read , spoken , and written than I had been at the start of it .
I knew a little bit more of who I was and who I aspired to be .
It was what I had signed up for .
Then we graduated .
For the first time in eight years , I was driving off a proverbial cliff into an unstructured , uncertain future .
I felt a whisper of envy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the passenger seat .
We both knew that we were not just leaving our campus .
We were leaving behind a world unto itself and the people we had become while living in it .
It was a poignant moment , deserving of tears , but I barely felt anything other than tired from all of the prior night ’ s festivities .
Now , three and a half years later , my tears had finally come .
They may have been delayed , but the grief they communicated was real .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ running into friends every day at the dining hall , in the library , and on the way to class .
I missed poring over books and attending lectures .
I missed the predictable succession of academic years , knowing that after this semester came the next one .
Now it was rare for me to see friends more than once a week .
I spent my days navigating spreadsheets instead of literature .
Time no longer had a predictable succession .
Instead of semesters , my life was punctuated by promotions , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ — all of which seemed to happen when I least expected .
I found myself navigating a wider world that was far more complex , unforgiving and unpredictable than the one I had inhabited in college .
Over the last several years I had often joked that I most certainly would have cried at graduation had I known what was coming .
I knew that not everyone from my graduating class felt the same way .
Some of my peers had been very ready to leave our campus .
They had found solace @ @ @ @ @ @ @ following graduation .
For them , college had been something to get through , not to get over .
High school had been that way for me .
I spent most of those four years feeling painfully out of place and dreaming about life afterward .
I wanted out .
At the end , as soon as I had my diploma , I left and did not look back .
In contrast , I frequently reminisced about college .
It had sort of become its own mythology .
College was that legendary , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much happier than I was now .
When the grief had hit me earlier that morning , the only thing I could think to do was go back .
Now that I lived in LA , I was less than an hour away from the campus .
It was the closest I had been in the last three and a half years .
Like my grandmother counting her rosary beads , I hoped that returning might act as a sort of talisman , that being there again would alleviate some of the heaviness @ @ @ @ @ @ @ campus , eastbound on the I-10 , I found myself lost in thought .
The cars in front of me stopped suddenly .
I slammed on my breaks .
The raspberries , which I had so carefully placed on the passenger seat , launched into the air , hit the car floor , and broke open once again .
Despite the grief swirling in my heart , a hoarse laugh escaped my throat .
These berries were determined , maybe even destined , to break free of that carton .
An hour later @ @ @ @ @ @ @ raspberries off the floor of my car .
In the distance I heard students talking and laughing as they walked to the library .
I drenched the raspberries with the remnants of my Nalgene , hoping the water would erase any traces of their misadventures .
Strolling over to the quad , I searched the faces of those I passed .
Secretly , I hoped I would see someone familiar .
Towering eucalyptus trees still bordered the main campus street .
Their smell , the smell that had prompted this whole journey , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ academic buildings loomed large against the fading October sky .
Their steps , doors , arches and columns seemed to be made for giants .
I reached the quad and found a spot under a large oak tree .
Being back , it almost felt as if I had never left .
The campus was so similar to my memories of it .
The grass was still scratchy .
The white-washed facade of the auditorium still caught the afternoon sun .
I half expected to see my younger self , happy and care-free @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the pathways .
Over the last several years , comparing my current self to my college self had become somewhat of a hobby .
I remembered being more confident , adventurous , fun-loving and fulfilled than I felt now .
I aspired to be her again .
Memories of the campus began to parade through my mind : sitting at breakfast with a table full of friends ; getting caught up in a welcome late night conversation with a classmate outside of the library ; drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice from the orange @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ; dancing like a fool with my best friend on the rooftop of our dorm .
These were the stories I had told and retold many times over .
Then a fuzzy , almost blurry memory from the end of my sophomore year came on screen : Today was hot as hell .
Early tomorrow morning I am flying home .
I ’ ve just showered , shaved my legs , and put on lotion .
I feel almost slippery .
My hair is wet .
I ’ ve tried my best to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ forehead .
My shorts are tellingly loose on my hips .
At the beginning of the year they were well-fitting , tight even .
For about a month now , I ’ ve lost my appetite .
I ’ ve also been running a lot .
A lot .
There have been many nights I ’ ve lied to my friends , told them I need to study and then just had some yogurt in my dorm room and called it dinner .
The truth is that I am terrified of having to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ d inevitably run into in the dining halls .
Ironically , I ’ m now walking to the library to say goodbye to one of them .
An unconscious tick , my hand , like a claw , grabs at the side of my waist to measure what ’ s there and what ’ s not .
At least my legs look good , I think to myself .
It ’ s close to midnight .
He ’ s on the fourth floor of the library , writing his last college paper @ @ @ @ @ @ @ text him to let him know that I am downstairs .
They must have the air conditioning on high inside because he comes out in a blue fleece and sweatpants .
My bare arms and legs suddenly feel oddly immodest .
We talk for a few minutes .
This next part is blurry .
I can ’ t remember much of what he says .
Then we might kiss , but I also could have imagined that .
The memory becomes clearer .
I am now walking back to my dorm .
My @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as if I am no longer bound by gravity .
My face stings from sunburn and dried tears .
I am sad , but also so relieved this year has finished .
It ’ s finally over .
That was it .
I get to go home .
I snapped back to the present , surprised by the memory .
I had thought today was going to be an average Saturday .
I had planned to run errands , maybe do laundry and take inventory of everything I hadn ’ t yet seen @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was on my college campus , facing a younger , college-aged version of myself who I had almost forgotten .
This girl was really going through it .
I wished I could run back in time to her .
I wanted to hug her , tell her to eat something , that it was all going to be alright , her heart would heal , she was deserving of boundaries , he was not worth the small hell she was putting herself through .
But I couldn ’ t do any of those @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that carton of well-traveled raspberries , popped a handful in my mouth , and sat with my thoughts .
At first college had felt like a haven of self-reinvention after the conformity of high school .
I arrived on campus ready to recreate myself .
And I did , many times over .
Those first two years , I burned through crushes and friendships like they had been soaked in kerosene , leaving myself and others singed along the way .
I changed majors several times .
I looked hard for someone or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was only to find that no one and nothing else actually could .
Unsurprisingly , by the end of my sophomore year I was exhausted .
Then the dust from all of my self-construction finally settled .
It was the start of my junior year and with the start of a new school year came a somewhat fresh slate .
Summer break had dulled some of the hurts .
Certain people had graduated .
Others had moved off campus or were now studying abroad .
That semester marked the beginning of the college @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
My best friend and I shared a massive room right above the dining hall .
It smelled like french fries and had big windows that opened up onto the rooftop .
Some nights we ’ d sneak out there to watch people passing below .
I ’ d get up early on Sundays to buy figs at the farmers ’ market in town .
Classes were challenging , interesting , and complex , but not impossible .
We met new people who felt like long lost friends .
The place finally felt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ belonged to it .
I had spent a good amount of time the last several years since college wishing I could return to a past self frozen in time , perfectly preserved .
Now I saw that even if I wanted to , there was no one self to revert to .
I had evolved many times over the course of those four years , each iteration with her own difficulties and triumphs .
I had to face them and acknowledge each of them .
Otherwise , they would continue to live as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to come around and haunt me .
All of my nostalgia was beginning to feel more like a cry for help than a trip down memory lane .
To wish to return to an old self , an old way of life , was to reject my own transformation , both past and present .
It simply said : I do not like what I am becoming and discovering ; I ’ d rather go back to that time when I knew less about myself and the world .
I finished off the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Since graduating , I had lived in four different cities and held four different jobs .
Friends came and went with each move .
I knew I had changed , but I wasn ’ t sure who I was becoming .
The knot in my stomach told me that this most recent chapter in my evolution was not nearly finished with me .
Right now , not dissimilar to the end of my sophomore year , I was still in the part that felt like chaos .
The air had started to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ grew longer with the late afternoon sun .
The campus might not have been a cure-all for my post-grad malaise , but its stillness was soothing .
At some point I would have to get up , brush the grass off my legs , and drive back , but I was not ready yet .
Truth had opened up something in me that nostalgia could not .
Caught in a crawl space somewhere between my past and my present , I stayed there in the grass until after the sun went down .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ I returned to my college campus .
George Floyd and Breonna Taylor were still alive .
COVID-19 wasn ’ t even a whisper in the news cycle .
Much has changed since this time last year .
At the end of this past June , I left LA and moved back home to Utah .
On the morning of my departure , I joined a close friend and her dog for a socially-distanced walk around our neighborhood .
The overcast sky was reminiscent of the day after my graduation , just a little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a familiar mix of fatigue and adrenaline from several days of disassembling and packing up the life I ’ d been living .
My friend asked how I was feeling about leaving .
In truth , I didn ’ t really know .
I had been so focused on packing and getting everything together that my new reality hadn ’ t really landed yet .
I paused before answering , looking sideways at her .
She was one of my oldest friends , but up until this last year , most of our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ We ’ d met during a summer program eight years ago .
At the time , she had been a rising junior at NYU and I was about to start my first year at Pomona College .
Over the coming years , our communication ebbed and flowed with the various rhythms of being 20-somethings .
We ’ d go for months without talking and then one of us would call or text and we were back at it .
She lived in Shanghai for a while , then I lived in Spain for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ us talk to each other at those ungodly hours when epiphany and tragedy tend to strike .
Our friendship became a sort of mutual support hotline .
We talked about our worst days and those secret hopes we didn ’ t often say out loud .
I never really gave the distance much thought because it didn ’ t seem to have any bearing on how close we were .
Then I moved to an apartment five minutes away from hers on the east side of downtown LA .
For the first time @ @ @ @ @ @ @ longer long distance friends .
We ’ d go to yoga , walk around the farmers market , grab dinner , put on face masks and watch Sex and the City re-runs .
Some days we ’ d hang out without saying much because we didn ’ t need to .
It was reminiscent of friendships in college where I could just roll over to a friend ’ s dorm in my pajamas .
There was no pretense .
It was just easy to be a part of each other ’ s lives @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anticipating our imminent goodbye , I could no longer ignore the fact that my time in LA was really over .
When I first moved to LA , I ’ d assumed that she and I would hang out every now and then .
Instead , most of my Saturday nights over the course of the last year had either started or ended ( often both ) on her couch .
I ’ d never thought we ’ d get to be everyday friends in the way that we had been this last @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hadn ’ t predicted it made it all the more special .
It also made this goodbye all the more difficult .
So , how did I feel about leaving ?
I was really sad .
My voice thick with fresh emotion and tears to come , I told her the truth .
A few hours later , I was east bound , driving the same route I had last Fall when I ’ d returned to my college campus .
As I neared the exit for my alma mater , I felt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I decided to get off the highway and stop for gas .
I couldn ’ t resist .
From the overcast sky to saying my goodbyes , the whole morning had been eerily similar to that day after graduation over four years ago .
Besides , I thought , better I stop here than some desert ghost town .
After I filling up my tank , I drove through campus .
Passing the familiar buildings , I silently saluted each of them and smiled to myself .
There had been some absolutely magical @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ones .
I could now see that the last four years had truly been an education of their own .
My life since graduation had been messy , confusing and occasionally heart-wrenching , but it had also been eye-opening , unexpected , and even liberating .
Much had happened , but it was really the unplanned moments , just like this one , that had become the most memorable .
They were detours that let me glimpse a bit of truth .
As I neared the far edge of campus , I reflexively @ @ @ @ @ @ @ once again .
But this time , to my surprise , I felt hope .
Somewhere , somehow , in the midst of the last four tumultuous years since graduating , I had outgrown this place .
I no longer yearned to be who I once was .
Instead , I wanted to find out who I was becoming .

This time last year, I was in the produce aisle of the grocery store. I reached for the raspberries on the bottom shelf, my hand shaking with the remnants of too much caffeine.
Unprocessed and unexpected, grief had come for me earlier that morning. I’d tried to stave it off with a lot of black tea, to no avail. The raspberries fell from my hand, becoming a broken necklace of red beads as they bounced and rolled across the aisle.
I knelt down to clean up the spill. A woman and her child stopped to help me. She caught my eye and gave a warm, rueful smile that I did my best to return. At that moment, I wasn’t capable of much small talk, and I was grateful for their silent company. If I tried to speak, I might start crying again.
Smarting with some guilt, I bought a bunch of snacks, including the recovered raspberries. I could wash them later. I was impatient to get out of the store, into my car and onto the freeway. I had decided to drive east to go visit my college campus. It would be the first time I had been back since graduating a little over three years ago.
The campus was a place I had thought about many times since leaving. It was impossible not to. It was where I had fallen in and out of love for the first time, discovered new worlds of literature and philosophy, and met lifelong friends.
That campus had been the backdrop for some of my most formative experiences. For me, any meaningful self-inquiry still required at least a metaphorical tour of its hallowed halls. Now, with snacks and a full tank of gas, I was headed back for the real deal.
Earlier that morning, I had been running through the park near my apartment when I came upon a grove of eucalyptus trees. Something about their smell—an unmistakable mix of pine, honey and mint—reminded me of walking to class on campus. I stopped in the middle of my run and took a deep inhale. To my surprise, I began to cry. I knew that I missed college, but the tears were unexpected. They sprang out of somewhere forgotten.
I did not cry at graduation. The day felt surreal, but not sad. It rained softly throughout the ceremony, unusual for Southern California in May. That evening, the rain cleared and my friends and I snuck onto the roof of one of the academic buildings. We wrote our hopes and dreams down on wish paper, set it on fire, and watched it float into the night sky. From there we celebrated into the early morning, saying numerous goodbyes to the people who had made up so much of our world the last four years.
The next morning, the air hung heavy and expectant with humidity from the prior day’s rain. I darted across campus to see friends I’d missed the night before. My best friend and I finished packing up my car with our things. Soon enough, it was time for us to leave.
She and I were unusually quiet as we drove through the small campus streets. We had no idea when we would next be back. It was one of many things we didn’t know that day. For the last eight years, we had lived in four-year cycles, first high school and then college. Each place had its own set of rules, a structure of curricular, and extracurricular activities that yielded certain results.
Every minute of my high school career had been scheduled. College had offered more freedom and autonomy, but I still walked a well-traveled path from point A to point B. I learned and grew in mostly predictable ways. By the end of the four years, I was more well-read, spoken, and written than I had been at the start of it. I knew a little bit more of who I was and who I aspired to be. It was what I had signed up for.
Then we graduated. For the first time in eight years, I was driving off a proverbial cliff into an unstructured, uncertain future. I felt a whisper of envy as my friend began to tear up in the passenger seat. We both knew that we were not just leaving our campus. We were leaving behind a world unto itself and the people we had become while living in it. It was a poignant moment, deserving of tears, but I barely felt anything other than tired from all of the prior night’s festivities.
Now, three and a half years later, my tears had finally come. They may have been delayed, but the grief they communicated was real. I really missed college. I missed running into friends every day at the dining hall, in the library, and on the way to class. I missed poring over books and attending lectures. I missed the predictable succession of academic years, knowing that after this semester came the next one.
Now it was rare for me to see friends more than once a week. I spent my days navigating spreadsheets instead of literature. Time no longer had a predictable succession. Instead of semesters, my life was punctuated by promotions, break-ups, new loves and new cities — all of which seemed to happen when I least expected. I found myself navigating a wider world that was far more complex, unforgiving and unpredictable than the one I had inhabited in college. Over the last several years I had often joked that I most certainly would have cried at graduation had I known what was coming.
I knew that not everyone from my graduating class felt the same way. Some of my peers had been very ready to leave our campus. They had found solace, purpose and comfort in the years following graduation. For them, college had been something to get through, not to get over. High school had been that way for me. I spent most of those four years feeling painfully out of place and dreaming about life afterward. I wanted out. At the end, as soon as I had my diploma, I left and did not look back.
In contrast, I frequently reminisced about college. It had sort of become its own mythology. College was that legendary, magical time when I used to be much happier than I was now. When the grief had hit me earlier that morning, the only thing I could think to do was go back. Now that I lived in LA, I was less than an hour away from the campus. It was the closest I had been in the last three and a half years. Like my grandmother counting her rosary beads, I hoped that returning might act as a sort of talisman, that being there again would alleviate some of the heaviness in my heart.
Driving back to campus, eastbound on the I-10, I found myself lost in thought. The cars in front of me stopped suddenly. I slammed on my breaks. The raspberries, which I had so carefully placed on the passenger seat, launched into the air, hit the car floor, and broke open once again. Despite the grief swirling in my heart, a hoarse laugh escaped my throat. These berries were determined, maybe even destined, to break free of that carton.
An hour later I was parked on campus, harvesting raspberries off the floor of my car. In the distance I heard students talking and laughing as they walked to the library. I drenched the raspberries with the remnants of my Nalgene, hoping the water would erase any traces of their misadventures.
Strolling over to the quad, I searched the faces of those I passed. Secretly, I hoped I would see someone familiar. Towering eucalyptus trees still bordered the main campus street. Their smell, the smell that had prompted this whole journey, hung heavy in the air. The academic buildings loomed large against the fading October sky. Their steps, doors, arches and columns seemed to be made for giants.
I reached the quad and found a spot under a large oak tree. Being back, it almost felt as if I had never left. The campus was so similar to my memories of it. The grass was still scratchy. The white-washed facade of the auditorium still caught the afternoon sun. I half expected to see my younger self, happy and care-free, walking with her friends along one of the pathways.
Over the last several years, comparing my current self to my college self had become somewhat of a hobby. I remembered being more confident, adventurous, fun-loving and fulfilled than I felt now. I aspired to be her again.
Memories of the campus began to parade through my mind: sitting at breakfast with a table full of friends; getting caught up in a welcome late night conversation with a classmate outside of the library; drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice from the orange tree in my professor’s backyard; dancing like a fool with my best friend on the rooftop of our dorm. These were the stories I had told and retold many times over. Then a fuzzy, almost blurry memory from the end of my sophomore year came on screen:
Today was hot as hell. Early tomorrow morning I am flying home. I’ve just showered, shaved my legs, and put on lotion. I feel almost slippery. My hair is wet. I’ve tried my best to cover up a massive zit on my forehead. My shorts are tellingly loose on my hips. At the beginning of the year they were well-fitting, tight even.
For about a month now, I’ve lost my appetite. I’ve also been running a lot. A lot. There have been many nights I’ve lied to my friends, told them I need to study and then just had some yogurt in my dorm room and called it dinner. The truth is that I am terrified of having to see and face certain people who I’d inevitably run into in the dining halls. Ironically, I’m now walking to the library to say goodbye to one of them.
An unconscious tic, my hand, like a claw, grabs at the side of my waist to measure what’s there and what’s not. At least my legs look good, I think to myself.
It’s close to midnight. He’s on the fourth floor of the library, writing his last college paper before he graduates next week. I text him to let him know that I am downstairs.
They must have the air conditioning on high inside because he comes out in a blue fleece and sweatpants. My bare arms and legs suddenly feel oddly immodest. We talk for a few minutes. This next part is blurry. I can’t remember much of what he says. Then we might kiss, but I also could have imagined that.
The memory becomes clearer. I am now walking back to my dorm. My arms and legs feel light, almost as if I am no longer bound by gravity. My face stings from sunburn and dried tears. I am sad, but also so relieved this year has finished. It’s finally over. That was it. I get to go home.
I snapped back to the present, surprised by the memory. I had thought today was going to be an average Saturday. I had planned to run errands, maybe do laundry and take inventory of everything I hadn’t yet seen on Netflix. Instead, here I was on my college campus, facing a younger, college-aged version of myself who I had almost forgotten. This girl was really going through it.
I wished I could run back in time to her. I wanted to hug her, tell her to eat something, that it was all going to be alright, her heart would heal, she was deserving of boundaries, he was not worth the small hell she was putting herself through.
But I couldn’t do any of those things. So I just cracked open that carton of well-traveled raspberries, popped a handful in my mouth, and sat with my thoughts.
At first college had felt like a haven of self-reinvention after the conformity of high school. I arrived on campus ready to recreate myself. And I did, many times over. Those first two years, I burned through crushes and friendships like they had been soaked in kerosene, leaving myself and others singed along the way. I changed majors several times. I looked hard for someone or something else to tell me who I was only to find that no one and nothing else actually could. Unsurprisingly, by the end of my sophomore year I was exhausted.
Then the dust from all of my self-construction finally settled. It was the start of my junior year and with the start of a new school year came a somewhat fresh slate. Summer break had dulled some of the hurts. Certain people had graduated. Others had moved off campus or were now studying abroad.
That semester marked the beginning of the college experience I remembered with so much fondness. My best friend and I shared a massive room right above the dining hall. It smelled like french fries and had big windows that opened up onto the rooftop. Some nights we’d sneak out there to watch people passing below. I’d get up early on Sundays to buy figs at the farmers’ market in town. Classes were challenging, interesting, and complex, but not impossible. We met new people who felt like long lost friends. The place finally felt like it belonged to me and I belonged to it.
I had spent a good amount of time the last several years since college wishing I could return to a past self frozen in time, perfectly preserved. Now I saw that even if I wanted to, there was no one self to revert to. I had evolved many times over the course of those four years, each iteration with her own difficulties and triumphs. I had to face them and acknowledge each of them. Otherwise, they would continue to live as ghosts of my own making, eager to come around and haunt me.
All of my nostalgia was beginning to feel more like a cry for help than a trip down memory lane. To wish to return to an old self, an old way of life, was to reject my own transformation, both past and present. It simply said: I do not like what I am becoming and discovering; I’d rather go back to that time when I knew less about myself and the world.
I finished off the raspberries and snapped the empty carton shut. Since graduating, I had lived in four different cities and held four different jobs. Friends came and went with each move. I knew I had changed, but I wasn’t sure who I was becoming. The knot in my stomach told me that this most recent chapter in my evolution was not nearly finished with me. Right now, not dissimilar to the end of my sophomore year, I was still in the part that felt like chaos.
The air had started to turn cool as shadows from the trees grew longer with the late afternoon sun. The campus might not have been a cure-all for my post-grad malaise, but its stillness was soothing. At some point I would have to get up, brush the grass off my legs, and drive back, but I was not ready yet. Truth had opened up something in me that nostalgia could not. Caught in a crawl space somewhere between my past and my present, I stayed there in the grass until after the sun went down.
It was the Fall of 2019 when I returned to my college campus. George Floyd and Breonna Taylor were still alive. COVID-19 wasn’t even a whisper in the news cycle. Much has changed since this time last year.
At the end of this past June, I left LA and moved back home to Utah. On the morning of my departure, I joined a close friend and her dog for a socially-distanced walk around our neighborhood.
The overcast sky was reminiscent of the day after my graduation, just a little over four years prior. I felt a familiar mix of fatigue and adrenaline from several days of disassembling and packing up the life I’d been living.
My friend asked how I was feeling about leaving. In truth, I didn’t really know. I had been so focused on packing and getting everything together that my new reality hadn’t really landed yet.
I paused before answering, looking sideways at her. She was one of my oldest friends, but up until this last year, most of our friendship had actually been long distance. We’d met during a summer program eight years ago. At the time, she had been a rising junior at NYU and I was about to start my first year at Pomona College.
Over the coming years, our communication ebbed and flowed with the various rhythms of being 20-somethings. We’d go for months without talking and then one of us would call or text and we were back at it. She lived in Shanghai for a while, then I lived in Spain for a year. Time differences often let us talk to each other at those ungodly hours when epiphany and tragedy tend to strike. Our friendship became a sort of mutual support hotline. We talked about our worst days and those secret hopes we didn’t often say out loud. I never really gave the distance much thought because it didn’t seem to have any bearing on how close we were.
Then I moved to an apartment five minutes away from hers on the east side of downtown LA. For the first time in eight years, we were no longer long distance friends. We’d go to yoga, walk around the farmers market, grab dinner, put on face masks and watch Sex and the City re-runs. Some days we’d hang out without saying much because we didn’t need to. It was reminiscent of friendships in college where I could just roll over to a friend’s dorm in my pajamas. There was no pretense. It was just easy to be a part of each other’s lives.
Now looking over at her, anticipating our imminent goodbye, I could no longer ignore the fact that my time in LA was really over. When I first moved to LA, I’d assumed that she and I would hang out every now and then. Instead, most of my Saturday nights over the course of the last year had either started or ended (often both) on her couch.
I’d never thought we’d get to be everyday friends in the way that we had been this last year, and the fact that I hadn’t predicted it made it all the more special. It also made this goodbye all the more difficult.
So, how did I feel about leaving? I was really sad. My voice thick with fresh emotion and tears to come, I told her the truth.
A few hours later, I was east bound, driving the same route I had last Fall when I’d returned to my college campus. As I neared the exit for my alma mater, I felt the pull of its inevitable gravity.
I decided to get off the highway and stop for gas. I couldn’t resist. From the overcast sky to saying my goodbyes, the whole morning had been eerily similar to that day after graduation over four years ago. Besides, I thought, better I stop here than some desert ghost town.
After I filling up my tank, I drove through campus. Passing the familiar buildings, I silently saluted each of them and smiled to myself. There had been some absolutely magical years here and also some very difficult ones.
I could now see that the last four years had truly been an education of their own. My life since graduation had been messy, confusing and occasionally heart-wrenching, but it had also been eye-opening, unexpected, and even liberating. Much had happened, but it was really the unplanned moments, just like this one, that had become the most memorable. They were detours that let me glimpse a bit of truth.
As I neared the far edge of campus, I reflexively braced myself for the feeling of leaving once again. But this time, to my surprise, I felt hope. Somewhere, somehow, in the midst of the last four tumultuous years since graduating, I had outgrown this place. I no longer yearned to be who I once was. Instead, I wanted to find out who I was becoming.


thoughtcatalog--2020-09-04--If You Want To Live, Don’t Go Geocaching Alone

I ’ ve been trying my hardest to stay away from other people since we ’ re in the middle of a pandemic .
I haven ’ t been going to beaches with friends .
I haven ’ t been going to the movies on dates .
I ’ ve barely left my house these last few months , except to get groceries and walk my dog around the block .
Since I ’ ve been bored out of my mind , I decided to start geocaching .
All you have to do is download an app to your phone @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hunts .
It ’ s pretty fun .
It gets me outside .
It gives me exercise .
And it allows me to explore more of my own town .
It seemed like the perfect way to spend my weekends .
And it was .
At first .
If you ’ ve never been geocaching before , you should know the treasure at the end of the hunt is usually hidden inside a small jar or container of some sort .
Inside , there will be a little notebook or sheet of paper @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sometimes , people take it a step further and will leave presents that can be swapped out .
Stickers .
Erasers .
Pens .
You take something .
You leave something .
On my first stop , deep in a forest on the side of a road , there was a jar hidden inside an open tree trunk .
It was half-filled with marbles .
They were grimy , covered in dirt , ruined from rain that must ’ ve seeped into the container .
I didn ’ t touch them .
I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ slip of paper and went on my way .
My next few stops were in more public places .
A jar was hidden beneath a park bench .
Another was at the front entrance of a shut-down mall .
Another was leaning against a street sign .
When it seemed like I had gone to every single geocaching location in my town , I searched through some online forums to see if there were any more I ’ d missed .
I came across a weird post , warning everyone to avoid a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had already visited , the first one , but I read through the post for the hell of it .
It was written like a ghost story .
A local myth .
Allegedly , every single person who wrote their name on the list inside the jar there had died .
They had either gone missing or were found dead , their bodies mutilated .
It was the most ridiculous thing I ’ d ever heard .
But I still had a strong desire to scribble my name off of the damn list @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t hurt .
I returned to the woods , stupidly forgetting to pack an umbrella in my bag .
By the time I got there , it was pouring .
I ran through the rain , my shirt absolutely drenched , and pulled out the jar from the tree .
Under the cover of branches , I slipped out the notepad and plugged the first name into my phone .
MARY SHEPHERD .
She came up in an article about a kidnapping .
She was listed as a missing person , presumed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
JACK PACE – MISSING PERSON .
And the next .
ELIZABETH BLACK – MISSING PERSON .
Every single name on the list was missing , murdered , or MIA .
I stuffed the notebook back into the jar , planning to take it to the police .
In the process , my finger brushed against one of the marbles at the bottom .
Except they weren ’ t marbles .
They were too squishy .
Too soft .
I swallowed down vomit , sealed the jar , and clutched it against my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , turned to leave , and stumbled right into a masked man in black .
“ You have such pretty eyes , ” he said .
And then it all went dark .

I’ve been trying my hardest to stay away from other people since we’re in the middle of a pandemic. I haven’t been going to beaches with friends. I haven’t been going to the movies on dates. I’ve barely left my house these last few months, except to get groceries and walk my dog around the block.
Since I’ve been bored out of my mind, I decided to start geocaching. All you have to do is download an app to your phone and you can start going on treasure hunts. It’s pretty fun. It gets me outside. It gives me exercise. And it allows me to explore more of my own town. It seemed like the perfect way to spend my weekends.
And it was. At first.
If you’ve never been geocaching before, you should know the treasure at the end of the hunt is usually hidden inside a small jar or container of some sort. Inside, there will be a little notebook or sheet of paper where everyone can write their name. Sometimes, people take it a step further and will leave presents that can be swapped out. Stickers. Erasers. Pens. You take something. You leave something.
On my first stop, deep in a forest on the side of a road, there was a jar hidden inside an open tree trunk. It was half-filled with marbles. They were grimy, covered in dirt, ruined from rain that must’ve seeped into the container. I didn’t touch them. I simply jotted my name down on the slip of paper and went on my way.
My next few stops were in more public places. A jar was hidden beneath a park bench. Another was at the front entrance of a shut-down mall. Another was leaning against a street sign.
When it seemed like I had gone to every single geocaching location in my town, I searched through some online forums to see if there were any more I’d missed.
I came across a weird post, warning everyone to avoid a certain location. It was one I had already visited, the first one, but I read through the post for the hell of it. It was written like a ghost story. A local myth.
Allegedly, every single person who wrote their name on the list inside the jar there had died. They had either gone missing or were found dead, their bodies mutilated.
It was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard.
But I still had a strong desire to scribble my name off of the damn list. Just in case. It couldn’t hurt.
I returned to the woods, stupidly forgetting to pack an umbrella in my bag. By the time I got there, it was pouring. I ran through the rain, my shirt absolutely drenched, and pulled out the jar from the tree.
Under the cover of branches, I slipped out the notepad and plugged the first name into my phone. MARY SHEPHERD. She came up in an article about a kidnapping. She was listed as a missing person, presumed dead.
I tried the next name. JACK PACE – MISSING PERSON.
And the next. ELIZABETH BLACK – MISSING PERSON.
Every single name on the list was missing, murdered, or MIA.
“Shit shit shit.”
I stuffed the notebook back into the jar, planning to take it to the police. In the process, my finger brushed against one of the marbles at the bottom. Except they weren’t marbles. They were too squishy. Too soft.
More like eyeballs.
I swallowed down vomit, sealed the jar, and clutched it against my chest. I rose from the mud, turned to leave, and stumbled right into a masked man in black.
“You have such pretty eyes,” he said. And then it all went dark.