thoughtcatalog--2020-12-22--30 Fun Holiday Traditions You Can Start With Your Family This Year

1 .
My grandpa would always get up on the roof about an hour after our bedtime and stomp around on the roof with sleigh bells .
2 .
Every year my wife and I buy an ornament for our tree that corresponds with something that happened that year .
So we have a tree filled with all of these weird wacky ornaments like a tennis ball ( we started playing tennis that year ) , Swedish chef ( Europe trip ) , Ship Captain Nutcracker ( our first cruise ) , amongst many others .
It ’ s such @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what we to get and then finding something .
And then reliving them all when we put them up .
3 .
Every Christmas the kids in the house have wrapping paper put over the entrances to their rooms so they get to rip through it in the morning .
It originally started as a way to keep a certain kid in when he kept coming out early and opening presents before everyone was awake .
4 .
Each year we cut a round off the bottom of our Christmas tree .
We @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time it makes a sweet display/reminder of years past .
5 .
Shaker present .
Shake present , ask yes or no questions , and if you figure it out before Christmas , you open it .
6 .
Everyone makes plates for someone else in the family .
No one is allowed to get food and drinks for themselves .
It reminds my kids that even little gestures show appreciation for those around you , and to not be selfish when it comes to making others feel loved .
7 .
We @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a bowl of Jelly Belly Bean-Boozle beans .
Just to watch each other ’ s disgusted reactions really .
8 .
My family has a tradition of leaving riddles on cards and guessing what the gift is before opening .
We go around one by one , reading our hint out loud so everyone can guess , then open it and show the room .
Ends up taking like 5 hours for everyone to get through their gifts , but it ’ s always a fun time .
9 .
We have signs @ @ @ @ @ @ @ instead of Noel .
It started out as a joke because my dad is dyslexic , but it stuck and we even named our dog Leon and we ’ ve been doing it since I can remember .
10 .
We hide a Christmas Spider in our tree and on Christmas morning the kids get to look for the spider .
Whoever finds it gets to open the spider ’ s gift ( usually it ’ s something they can share ) .
11 .
Santa puts the stockings on everyone ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can play with the stuff in the stockings and the adults get more sleep .
12 .
We watch Home Alone every year , know the movie script inside out now .
13 .
Can ’ t open gifts in my house until you have a mimosa to drink .
14 .
We always put an orange or tangerine in the Christmas stocking .
I think the tradition started when my Oma was a child in WWII era Germany and fresh produce was hard to come by .
She passed away but we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in memory of her .
15 .
I always put a train up around my Christmas tree .
16 .
We have two main traditions .
First , on Christmas morning , breakfast is always a pan of cinnamon rolls and orange rolls .
And second , on Christmas you can ’ t get dressed for the day ; everyone has to wear pajamas all day , no exceptions .
17 .
Every year my family buys every other member a gag/joke/small gift , then writes a poem about it , for the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s probably the highlight of the entire season for me , as it ’ s always filled with laughter at how terrible we all are at poetry .
No matter how old we all get , this is a really fun way to bring everyone back to that root joy of spending time together ( this year it will be virtual , but still fun ) .
18 .
My grandmother gave us a blowup Santa in an outhouse .
My family thought it would look weird in our yard , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Eve by putting it on the front door and waiting for them to see it .
19 .
We hide a pickle in the Christmas tree , the person who finds it gets an extra present .
20 .
The tradition in our house was whatever you got for Christmas , you had to wear to the pub at lunchtime on Christmas Day .
I ’ ve been to the pub in PJs , 4 pairs of socks , running vest and shorts , etc .
21 .
A tradition we had when @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ ll be continuing with my children when I have them , is the Christmas Eve box .
For Christmas Eve , we were given one gift early , and it was a box with Christmas pajamas , a mug , hot chocolate mix , popcorn , and a Christmas movie .
We would get to open it around lunchtime , and we ’ d spend the rest of the evening in our new jammies having cocoa and movies together .
22 .
We eat rice porridge and hide an almond in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is the winner , and the price is a marzipan pig .
23 .
Wife and I order from the same Chinese restaurant every Christmas Eve .
We eat from there almost exclusively on Christmas Eve – we don ’ t do much Chinese through the year regularly .
Started one Christmas Eve when we were both feeling lazy and hasn ’ t stopped… 12+ years now .
24 .
When we were younger , my parents had a tradition with us .
We would always go out into the front yard with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” pine cone .
Maybe a week or two before Christmas , we planted the pine cone in a pot and watered it .
Then overnight , it would become this magnificent , huge ( to my young eyes ) , and fully decorated Christmas tree .
It only worked in December and we were always told it was the Christmas magic .
25 .
We always have Mcdonald ’ s on Christmas Eve because we leave our wrapping until the last minute and that ’ s all we have time for .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ nostalgia from wrapping and family .
26 .
We design and build our own gingerbread “ houses ” out of homemade gingerbread .
And they ’ ve gotten progressively more advanced .
Last year I made Notre Dame cathedral ( with candy cane buttresses ) , this year I made an Avengers Tower .
27 .
My husband and I celebrate “ Bookmas ” .
On December 26th , we get all of the book money people sent us for Christmas and buy a giant stack of books .
Then we go home @ @ @ @ @ @ @ spend the day reading books , drinking hot chocolate , and eating some of the snacks people gave us for Christmas .
28 .
Each year for Christmas , instead of writing our real names on the presents , my parents would take a random theme and assign my siblings and I a name based on said theme ( for example this year ’ s theme is liquor and the names are “ Scotch , ” “ Whiskey , ” and “ Gin ” ) and we have to guess who is what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ little homemade Christmas themed “ trophy ” called the “ Christmas smartass award ” that they can keep until next Christmas .
29 .
Leaving whisky and mince pie for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph .
Reading The Night Before Christmas all tucked up in bed .
Having a chocolate selection box for breakfast on Christmas morning .
30 .
My brother and I stay at my mother ’ s house on Christmas Eve with our families every year .
We still sit at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning @ @ @ @ @ @ @ come down to the living room to see what “ Santa ” left us .
We ’ re both in our 30s and our wives and kids now sit on the stairs as well .
It ’ s getting pretty crowded but I wouldn ’ t have it any other way !

These men and women from Ask Reddit celebrate the holidays in exciting ways!
1. My grandpa would always get up on the roof about an hour after our bedtime and stomp around on the roof with sleigh bells.
2. Every year my wife and I buy an ornament for our tree that corresponds with something that happened that year. So we have a tree filled with all of these weird wacky ornaments like a tennis ball (we started playing tennis that year), Swedish chef (Europe trip), Ship Captain Nutcracker (our first cruise), amongst many others. It’s such a fun tradition in December to debate what we to get and then finding something. And then reliving them all when we put them up.
3. Every Christmas the kids in the house have wrapping paper put over the entrances to their rooms so they get to rip through it in the morning. It originally started as a way to keep a certain kid in when he kept coming out early and opening presents before everyone was awake.
4. Each year we cut a round off the bottom of our Christmas tree. We label it with the year. Over time it makes a sweet display/reminder of years past.
5. Shaker present. Shake present, ask yes or no questions, and if you figure it out before Christmas, you open it.
6. Everyone makes plates for someone else in the family. No one is allowed to get food and drinks for themselves. It reminds my kids that even little gestures show appreciation for those around you, and to not be selfish when it comes to making others feel loved.
7. We sit in a circle and pass around a bowl of Jelly Belly Bean-Boozle beans. Just to watch each other’s disgusted reactions really.
8. My family has a tradition of leaving riddles on cards and guessing what the gift is before opening.
We go around one by one, reading our hint out loud so everyone can guess, then open it and show the room.
Ends up taking like 5 hours for everyone to get through their gifts, but it’s always a fun time.
9. We have signs all over our house spelling out Leon instead of Noel. It started out as a joke because my dad is dyslexic, but it stuck and we even named our dog Leon and we’ve been doing it since I can remember.
10. We hide a Christmas Spider in our tree and on Christmas morning the kids get to look for the spider. Whoever finds it gets to open the spider’s gift (usually it’s something they can share).
11. Santa puts the stockings on everyone’s bed. This way, the kids can play with the stuff in the stockings and the adults get more sleep.
12. We watch Home Alone every year, know the movie script inside out now.
13. Can’t open gifts in my house until you have a mimosa to drink.
14. We always put an orange or tangerine in the Christmas stocking. I think the tradition started when my Oma was a child in WWII era Germany and fresh produce was hard to come by. She passed away but we will always put oranges in the stocking in memory of her.
15. I always put a train up around my Christmas tree.
16. We have two main traditions. First, on Christmas morning, breakfast is always a pan of cinnamon rolls and orange rolls. And second, on Christmas you can’t get dressed for the day; everyone has to wear pajamas all day, no exceptions.
17. Every year my family buys every other member a gag/joke/small gift, then writes a poem about it, for the recipient to read on Christmas Eve. It’s probably the highlight of the entire season for me, as it’s always filled with laughter at how terrible we all are at poetry. No matter how old we all get, this is a really fun way to bring everyone back to that root joy of spending time together (this year it will be virtual, but still fun).
18. My grandmother gave us a blowup Santa in an outhouse. My family thought it would look weird in our yard, so now we prank friends on Christmas Eve by putting it on the front door and waiting for them to see it.
19. We hide a pickle in the Christmas tree, the person who finds it gets an extra present.
20. The tradition in our house was whatever you got for Christmas, you had to wear to the pub at lunchtime on Christmas Day. I’ve been to the pub in PJs, 4 pairs of socks, running vest and shorts, etc.
21. A tradition we had when I was a child, and one I’ll be continuing with my children when I have them, is the Christmas Eve box. For Christmas Eve, we were given one gift early, and it was a box with Christmas pajamas, a mug, hot chocolate mix, popcorn, and a Christmas movie. We would get to open it around lunchtime, and we’d spend the rest of the evening in our new jammies having cocoa and movies together.
22. We eat rice porridge and hide an almond in it. The person who finds it is the winner, and the price is a marzipan pig.
23. Wife and I order from the same Chinese restaurant every Christmas Eve. We eat from there almost exclusively on Christmas Eve – we don’t do much Chinese through the year regularly. Started one Christmas Eve when we were both feeling lazy and hasn’t stopped… 12+ years now.
24. When we were younger, my parents had a tradition with us. We would always go out into the front yard with my dad to find the “perfect” pine cone. Maybe a week or two before Christmas, we planted the pine cone in a pot and watered it. Then overnight, it would become this magnificent, huge (to my young eyes), and fully decorated Christmas tree. It only worked in December and we were always told it was the Christmas magic.
25. We always have Mcdonald’s on Christmas Eve because we leave our wrapping until the last minute and that’s all we have time for. Sounds sad, but comes with happy nostalgia from wrapping and family.
26. We design and build our own gingerbread “houses” out of homemade gingerbread. And they’ve gotten progressively more advanced. Last year I made Notre Dame cathedral (with candy cane buttresses), this year I made an Avengers Tower.
27. My husband and I celebrate “Bookmas”. On December 26th, we get all of the book money people sent us for Christmas and buy a giant stack of books. Then we go home, change into our PJs, and spend the day reading books, drinking hot chocolate, and eating some of the snacks people gave us for Christmas.
28. Each year for Christmas, instead of writing our real names on the presents, my parents would take a random theme and assign my siblings and I a name based on said theme (for example this year’s theme is liquor and the names are “Scotch,” “Whiskey,” and “Gin”) and we have to guess who is what name. Whoever guesses correctly gets a little homemade Christmas themed “trophy” called the “Christmas smartass award” that they can keep until next Christmas.
29. Leaving whisky and mince pie for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph. Reading The Night Before Christmas all tucked up in bed. Having a chocolate selection box for breakfast on Christmas morning.
30. My brother and I stay at my mother’s house on Christmas Eve with our families every year. We still sit at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning until my mother tells us we can come down to the living room to see what “Santa” left us. We’re both in our 30s and our wives and kids now sit on the stairs as well. It’s getting pretty crowded but I wouldn’t have it any other way!


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-22--The Most Unhinged Horror Movie I Saw This Year

Editor ’ s note : this article contains medium spoilers for ‘ Nesting Dolls ’ but does not give away any of the third act/ending .
I often find that the best horror movie viewing experiences come from a movie I have no expectations for .
The less I know about the plot or what fans and critics have said about it , the more likely it is that I might have one of those special movie nights when something really speaks to you .
With horror , going in blind can just help me be in the right mood @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t want to hear complaints about jump scares right before I watch a movie with a bunch of jump scares !
It was with this in mind that I randomly selected Nesting Dolls ( 2019 ) to watch from Prime one night .
The synopsis had me at “ sorority girls ” and the trailer looked slightly art-y so I went with it .
Well friends , it turned out to be one of the most unhinged movies I have ever seen .
If you ’ re the kind of person who cracks @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , man are you going to hate this movie .
It ’ s the typical horror movie setting of a group of friends spending time at an isolated lake house .
What ’ s not typical is that there are three female leads and barely any men in this movie .
It ’ s also not typical that one of the characters gets killed off before the halfway point ( sorority prank gone wrong ) .
What seems like it should be the most horrible , climactic moment of the film is just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rock bottom for these girls .
There ’ s still the matter of how far they would go to not get caught .
Especially when it turns out they didn ’ t actually kill their sorority sister !
Whoops !
The last decade or so has turned the deranged sorority girl into a meme .
They ’ re cultish .
They ’ re obsessed with perfection .
And they ’ re not afraid to write you pages long emails screaming at you until they get what they want .
I don ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of a sorority girl in recent memory that wasn ’ t supposed to be satire , or the object of a joke somehow .
It seems like a super intense niche subculture that is actually perfect for depiction in horror except that it ’ s been preceded by such a glut of bimboified sorority girls that they ’ ve become a dead giveaway of b-horror .
But you could never get a movie this dark with bimbos .
Nesting Dolls isn ’ t like that .
None of these girls are presented as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about sex , the girls ’ weekend seems like it would have been pretty boring if someone hadn ’ t been kind-of murdered .
It ’ s what happens here , in the aftermath of the almost-murder that makes the movie unhinged .
It just keeps… going on and on .
It ’ s hard not to scream at the TV and tell the girls what to do .
Once they realize their friend is still alive , they have to decide whether to save her or whether to make sure she can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Dolls is currently streaming on Amazon Prime .

Editor’s note: this article contains medium spoilers for ‘Nesting Dolls’ but does not give away any of the third act/ending.
I often find that the best horror movie viewing experiences come from a movie I have no expectations for. The less I know about the plot or what fans and critics have said about it, the more likely it is that I might have one of those special movie nights when something really speaks to you. With horror, going in blind can just help me be in the right mood to be scared. I don’t want to hear complaints about jump scares right before I watch a movie with a bunch of jump scares!
It was with this in mind that I randomly selected Nesting Dolls (2019) to watch from Prime one night. The synopsis had me at “sorority girls” and the trailer looked slightly art-y so I went with it. Well friends, it turned out to be one of the most unhinged movies I have ever seen. If you’re the kind of person who cracks under the pressure to make a decision, man are you going to hate this movie.
Here’s the trailer:
It’s the typical horror movie setting of a group of friends spending time at an isolated lake house. What’s not typical is that there are three female leads and barely any men in this movie. It’s also not typical that one of the characters gets killed off before the halfway point (sorority prank gone wrong). What seems like it should be the most horrible, climactic moment of the film is just the first stop on the expressway to rock bottom for these girls. There’s still the matter of how far they would go to not get caught. Especially when it turns out they didn’t actually kill their sorority sister! Whoops!
The last decade or so has turned the deranged sorority girl into a meme. They’re cultish. They’re obsessed with perfection. And they’re not afraid to write you pages long emails screaming at you until they get what they want. I don’t think I’ve seen a depiction of a sorority girl in recent memory that wasn’t supposed to be satire, or the object of a joke somehow. It seems like a super intense niche subculture that is actually perfect for depiction in horror except that it’s been preceded by such a glut of bimboified sorority girls that they’ve become a dead giveaway of b-horror. But you could never get a movie this dark with bimbos.
Nesting Dolls isn’t like that. None of these girls are presented as bimbos. Though they drink and talk about sex, the girls’ weekend seems like it would have been pretty boring if someone hadn’t been kind-of murdered.
It’s what happens here, in the aftermath of the almost-murder that makes the movie unhinged. It just keeps… going on and on. It’s hard not to scream at the TV and tell the girls what to do. Once they realize their friend is still alive, they have to decide whether to save her or whether to make sure she can never tell anyone what happened.
Nesting Dolls is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-22--Why Each Zodiac Is Deathly Afraid Of Commitment

You don ’ t want to lose your freedom .
You want to remain independent .
You don ’ t want to get your heart broken .
You don ’ t want to trust the wrong person .
You don ’ t want to share your home with someone else .
You don ’ t want someone else to enter your territory .
You don ’ t want to end up with the wrong person .
You don ’ t want to make the wrong choice .
You don ’ t want to lose focus on your career .
You @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by love .
You don ’ t want to settle .
You don ’ t want to miss out on someone else great who might come along .
You don ’ t want to get attached to someone who might leave .
You don ’ t want to cling onto someone who could hurt you .
You don ’ t want to change your current life .
You want everything to remain the same .
You don ’ t want to show someone every part of yourself .
You don ’ t want @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You don ’ t want to let someone else into your heart .
You don ’ t want to let yourself act that vulnerable .
You don ’ t want to lose your identity .
You don ’ t want to focus more on your partner than on yourself .
You don ’ t want to settle down too young .
You don ’ t want to miss out on the greatest years of your life .

You don’t want to lose your freedom. You want to remain independent.
Taurus
You don’t want to get your heart broken. You don’t want to trust the wrong person.
Gemini
You don’t want to share your home with someone else. You don’t want someone else to enter your territory.
Cancer
You don’t want to end up with the wrong person. You don’t want to make the wrong choice.
You don’t want to lose focus on your career. You don’t want to get distracted by love.
Virgo
You don’t want to settle. You don’t want to miss out on someone else great who might come along.
Libra
You don’t want to get attached to someone who might leave. You don’t want to cling onto someone who could hurt you.
Scorpio
You don’t want to change your current life. You want everything to remain the same.
You don’t want to show someone every part of yourself. You don’t want to be that open and honest.
You don’t want to let someone else into your heart. You don’t want to let yourself act that vulnerable.
Aquarius
You don’t want to lose your identity. You don’t want to focus more on your partner than on yourself.
Pisces
You don’t want to settle down too young. You don’t want to miss out on the greatest years of your life.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--The Horrifying True Story Behind One Of The Biggest Radio Hits Of The ‘90s

One of the biggest radio hits of the ’ 90s was a wacky rock song by one-hit wonder band Fastball called “ The Way ” .
The song has that classic catchy 90 ’ s alt rock vibe but the lyrics make you wonder what the song is actually about .
It turns out , the song is an ode to Fastball lead singer Tony Scalzo ’ s fascination with the unsolved mystery of the deaths of Lela and Raymond Howard .
In 1997 , the Howards were an elderly couple living in Salado , Texas who planned to go @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from their home .
Lela Howard was 83-years-old and was showing signs that she was suffering from Alzheimer ’ s disease .
Raymond Howard was 88-years-old and had recently suffered a stroke and a head injury which required surgery .
The Howard ’ s son had called that morning concerned about his parents ’ cognitive health and begging them to let him drive them to the festival .
The couple said they would be fine , since they attend the festival every year .
500 miles away a police officer pulled the couple @ @ @ @ @ @ @ headlights off .
Lela , who was driving , couldn ’ t tell the officer where they lived .
The officer gave her a warning to turn her lights on and sent them on their way .
Three days after the couple was reported missing by their children , they attended a farmer ’ s market in Arkansas .
A search of the couple ’ s home revealed that they left their cat , toiletries , and clothing behind .
The calendar in the Howard home was displaying February , though it was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ after the couple left for a 15 mile trip they were found with their car at the bottom of a cliff near Hot Springs , Arkansas .
There were no skid marks on the road at the top of the cliff , indicating that they had not slowed down before flying off of it , either because they could not see or understand that they were driving off a cliff , or because at least one of them was suicidal .
Tony Scalzo read about the case right after the couple was reported @ @ @ @ @ @ @ found .
His fascination turned into the lyrics for The Way : They made up their minds And they started packing They left before the sun came up that day An exit to eternal summer slacking But where were they going without ever knowing the way They drank up the wine And they got to talking They now had more important things to say And when the car broke down They started walking Where were they going without ever knowing the way Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved @ @ @ @ @ @ @ summer They ’ ll never get cold They ’ ll never get hungry They ’ ll never get old and gray You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere They won ’ t make it home But they really don ’ t care They wanted the highway They ’ re happier there today Their children woke up And they couldn ’ t find ’ em They left before the sun came up that day They just drove off and left it all behind ’ em Leaving it all behind But where were they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Despite this case ’ s gruesome end , frontman Tony Scalzo says , “ It ’ s a romanticized take on what happened.
” The Howards ’ s children reported that they were happy the couple was together when they died .

If you love creepy facts and scary movies, I send out the best horror streaming that weekend every Friday, get on the list here
One of the biggest radio hits of the ’90s was a wacky rock song by the band Fastball called “The Way”. The song has that classic catchy 90’s alt rock vibe but the lyrics make you wonder what the song is actually about. It turns out, the song is an ode to Fastball lead singer Tony Scalzo’s fascination with the unsolved mystery of the deaths of Lela and Raymond Howard.
Here’s the song’s music video:
In 1997, the Howards were an elderly couple living in Salado, Texas who planned to go to a fiddling festival only 15 miles from their home. Lela Howard was 83-years-old and was showing signs that she was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Raymond Howard was 88-years-old and had recently suffered a stroke and a head injury which required surgery. The Howard’s son had called that morning concerned about his parents’ cognitive health and begging them to let him drive them to the festival. The couple said they would be fine, since they attend the festival every year.
Lela and Raymond Howard never returned home.
500 miles away a police officer pulled the couple over for driving at night with their headlights off. Lela, who was driving, couldn’t tell the officer where they lived. The officer gave her a warning to turn her lights on and sent them on their way.
Three days after the couple was reported missing by their children, they attended a farmer’s market in Arkansas. A search of the couple’s home revealed that they left their cat, toiletries, and clothing behind. The calendar in the Howard home was displaying February, though it was June when they left.
14 days after the couple left for a 15 mile trip they were found with their car at the bottom of a cliff near Hot Springs, Arkansas. There were no skid marks on the road at the top of the cliff, indicating that they had not slowed down before flying off of it, either because they could not see or understand that they were driving off a cliff, or because at least one of them was suicidal.
Tony Scalzo read about the case right after the couple was reported missing, but before their bodies were found. His fascination turned into the lyrics for The Way:
They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down
They started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way Anyone can see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it’s always summer
They’ll never get cold
They’ll never get hungry
They’ll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won’t make it home
But they really don’t care
They wanted the highway
They’re happier there today Their children woke up
And they couldn’t find ’em
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off and left it all behind ’em
Leaving it all behind
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?
Despite this case’s gruesome end, frontman Tony Scalzo says, “It’s a romanticized take on what happened.” The Howards’ children reported that they were happy the couple was together when they died.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--What Each Zodiac Refuses To Do On First Dates

You refuse to let your partner pay for everything .
You want to split the cost .
You refuse to engage in PDA .
You like to keep your kisses private .
You refuse to play pretend .
You show them your most authentic self from the start .
You refuse to take the same car .
You want to be able to leave if you don ’ t feel any chemistry .
You refuse to make the first move .
You want the other person to chase you .
You refuse to do all the talking .
You expect @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they listen .
You refuse to hold anything back .
You let yourself come across as vulnerable , even if it scares them away .
You refuse to get too serious .
You joke around and don ’ t tell them anything too deep .
You refuse to get drunk .
You want to get to know them sober first .
You refuse to lie .
You ’ re brutally honest , even if it turns them away .
You refuse to go to their place .
You want to stay somewhere public @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You want to go somewhere where you ’ re actually able to talk .

Aries
You refuse to let your partner pay for everything. You want to split the cost.
Taurus
You refuse to engage in PDA. You like to keep your kisses private.
You refuse to play pretend. You show them your most authentic self from the start.
Cancer
You refuse to take the same car. You want to be able to leave if you don’t feel any chemistry.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Leo
You refuse to make the first move. You want the other person to chase you.
Virgo
You refuse to do all the talking. You expect your partner to speak as much as they listen.
Libra
You refuse to hold anything back. You let yourself come across as vulnerable, even if it scares them away.
You refuse to get too serious. You joke around and don’t tell them anything too deep.
Sagittarius
You refuse to get drunk. You want to get to know them sober first.
Capricorn
You refuse to lie. You’re brutally honest, even if it turns them away.
You refuse to go to their place. You want to stay somewhere public.
Pisces
You refuse to see movies. You want to go somewhere where you’re actually able to talk.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--7 Reminders When You’re Leaving A Long-Term Relationship

1 .
You ’ re allowed to mourn what you ’ ve lost while looking forward to something better .
Breakups can cause a lot of mixed feelings — and that ’ s okay .
There are some moments when you ’ re going to feel heartbroken and other moments when you ’ re going to feel a newfound sense of freedom .
There might even be some moments when you feel happy and sad all at once .
There ’ s no right way to move on from a relationship that meant a lot to you , so don @ @ @ @ @ @ @ strike .
2 .
You should be proud of yourself for refusing to settle .
There are a lot of couples who stay together because of their history , even though they ’ re not the right fit .
You should be proud of yourself for leaving the relationship in search of something better when it would ’ ve been so much easier to stay .
You ’ re wise enough to realize the easiest thing to do isn ’ t always the right thing to do .
3 .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the beginning of a breakup .
When you date someone for a long time , your identities start to get tied together .
Your routines align .
Your interests and hobbies and friendship circles overlap .
Without them , your life is completely different .
It ’ s going to take some time to readjust .
A lot more has changed than your relationship status .
Your entire world has shifted .
So don ’ t rush yourself through healing .
4 .
The time you spent on this person wasn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ doesn ’ t suddenly negate all of the amazing memories you shared .
It doesn ’ t mean you made a mistake by staying with them for so long .
You might not belong in each other ’ s futures — but that doesn ’ t mean your past wasn ’ t beautiful .
You can enjoy your fond memories while recognizing that you ’ re not meant to make anymore .
5 .
You don ’ t have to explain yourself to anyone .
Some family and friends might not understand why @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as much as their judgment can hurt , you have to remember their opinions don ’ t matter .
All that matters is that you ’ re doing the right thing for yourself .
You ’ re not living to impress anyone else .
You ’ re living for you .
That ’ s not selfish .
It ’ s simply the right thing to do .
6 .
Your relationship status has no correlation to your value as a person .
You ’ re not falling behind now that you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ off than your married and engaged friends .
You ’ re supposed to be focused on your happiness , not on hitting random milestones society has assigned to you .
Anyone who looks down on you or pities you for being single has their priorities all wrong .
Love is beautiful , but it ’ s not the only thing that matters in life .
7 .
This isn ’ t the last time you ’ ll fall in love .
You might feel like no one is ever going to measure up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like your best days are behind you .
But that ’ s far from the truth .
You are going to discover someone else who gives you butterflies .
You are going to find happiness again .

1. You’re allowed to mourn what you’ve lost while looking forward to something better. Breakups can cause a lot of mixed feelings — and that’s okay. There are some moments when you’re going to feel heartbroken and other moments when you’re going to feel a newfound sense of freedom. There might even be some moments when you feel happy and sad all at once. There’s no right way to move on from a relationship that meant a lot to you, so don’t feel guilty about whatever emotions strike.
2. You should be proud of yourself for refusing to settle. There are a lot of couples who stay together because of their history, even though they’re not the right fit. You should be proud of yourself for leaving the relationship in search of something better when it would’ve been so much easier to stay. You’re wise enough to realize the easiest thing to do isn’t always the right thing to do.
3. It’s natural for you to feel lost at the beginning of a breakup. When you date someone for a long time, your identities start to get tied together. Your routines align. Your interests and hobbies and friendship circles overlap. Without them, your life is completely different. It’s going to take some time to readjust. A lot more has changed than your relationship status. Your entire world has shifted. So don’t rush yourself through healing.
4. The time you spent on this person wasn’t wasted. Breaking up with this person doesn’t suddenly negate all of the amazing memories you shared. It doesn’t mean you made a mistake by staying with them for so long. You might not belong in each other’s futures — but that doesn’t mean your past wasn’t beautiful. You can enjoy your fond memories while recognizing that you’re not meant to make anymore.
5. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Some family and friends might not understand why you decided to break up — but as much as their judgment can hurt, you have to remember their opinions don’t matter. All that matters is that you’re doing the right thing for yourself. You’re not living to impress anyone else. You’re living for you. That’s not selfish. It’s simply the right thing to do.
6. Your relationship status has no correlation to your value as a person. You’re not falling behind now that you’re single. You’re not worse off than your married and engaged friends. You’re supposed to be focused on your happiness, not on hitting random milestones society has assigned to you. Anyone who looks down on you or pities you for being single has their priorities all wrong. Love is beautiful, but it’s not the only thing that matters in life.
7. This isn’t the last time you’ll fall in love. You might feel like no one is ever going to measure up to this person. You might feel like your best days are behind you. But that’s far from the truth. You are going to discover someone else who gives you butterflies. You are going to find happiness again.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--In 2021, Start Making The First Move

In 2021, Start Making The First Move

In 2021 , make the first move .
Don ’ t hold yourself back out of fear of rejection .
Take chances so you don ’ t end up living the same exact life you ’ ve been complaining about living for years .
If there ’ s something you dislike about your world , then pour all of your energy into changing it .
Put in the effort , even though it scares you .
Yes , you might end up failing , but at least you ’ ll know it wasn ’ t meant to be .
At @ @ @ @ @ @ @ spend all of your days wondering what would ’ ve happened if you took action .
At least you won ’ t have to kick yourself for playing it so safe .
At least you ’ ll be proud of yourself for trying .
In 2021 , chase after the things you want the most .
Don ’ t let yourself overthink things .
Don ’ t talk yourself out of taking risks that excite you .
You don ’ t want to spend your whole life waiting for the perfect moment to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t want to be a passive player in your own life .
You ’ re not supposed to settle for the easiest life .
You ’ re supposed to strive for something better , something that makes you feel good about waking up each morning .
In 2021 , stop allowing your fear to trick you into keeping quiet .
Stop allowing your doubts to convince you this is as good as you ’ re going to get .
There are so many beautiful things in your future — but they aren ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
You have to chase after them .
You have to put faith in your abilities .
You have to believe in your own potential .
In 2021 , don ’ t allow opportunities to pass you by .
Don ’ t let your regrets build and build .
You don ’ t want to wake up tomorrow wishing you made a different decision .
You don ’ t want to be mad at yourself for doing nothing when you could ’ ve done something .
In 2021 , tell other people how @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back your kindness , your compliments , your adoration .
Even if you get turned down by someone , at least you boosted their confidence .
At least you brightened their day .
Just because you didn ’ t get the result you want in the end doesn ’ t mean that what you did was pointless .
It still holds meaning .
You should still be glad you put yourself out there when it ’ s so much easier to stay quiet .
In 2021 , stop waiting for other people to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you have feelings for someone , share them .
Don ’ t wait for them to understand all of the hints you ’ ve been dropping .
Don ’ t wait for them to ask you out .
Don ’ t wait for them to take the risk so you don ’ t have to leave your own comfort zone .
In 2021 , make the first move .
Make your feelings known .
There ’ s nothing wrong with being an open book , with acting vulnerable , with sharing your deepest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feelings or not , there ’ s always a chance you ’ re going to get your heart broken , so you might as well take a chance on love .
You might as well take control of the situation instead of waiting for life to happen to you .

In 2021, make the first move. Don’t hold yourself back out of fear of rejection. Take chances so you don’t end up living the same exact life you’ve been complaining about living for years. If there’s something you dislike about your world, then pour all of your energy into changing it. Put in the effort, even though it scares you.
Yes, you might end up failing, but at least you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be. At least you won’t have to spend all of your days wondering what would’ve happened if you took action. At least you won’t have to kick yourself for playing it so safe. At least you’ll be proud of yourself for trying.
In 2021, chase after the things you want the most. Don’t let yourself overthink things. Don’t talk yourself out of taking risks that excite you. You don’t want to spend your whole life waiting for the perfect moment to make a move. You don’t want to be a passive player in your own life.
You’re not supposed to settle for the easiest life. You’re supposed to strive for something better, something that makes you feel good about waking up each morning.
In 2021, stop allowing your fear to trick you into keeping quiet. Stop allowing your doubts to convince you this is as good as you’re going to get. There are so many beautiful things in your future — but they aren’t going to fall into your lap. You have to chase after them. You have to put faith in your abilities. You have to believe in your own potential.
In 2021, don’t allow opportunities to pass you by. Don’t let your regrets build and build. You don’t want to wake up tomorrow wishing you made a different decision. You don’t want to be mad at yourself for doing nothing when you could’ve done something.
In 2021, tell other people how you feel. Don’t hold back your kindness, your compliments, your adoration. Even if you get turned down by someone, at least you boosted their confidence. At least you brightened their day. Just because you didn’t get the result you want in the end doesn’t mean that what you did was pointless. It still holds meaning. You should still be glad you put yourself out there when it’s so much easier to stay quiet.
In 2021, stop waiting for other people to do the work for you. If you have feelings for someone, share them. Don’t wait for them to understand all of the hints you’ve been dropping. Don’t wait for them to ask you out. Don’t wait for them to take the risk so you don’t have to leave your own comfort zone.
In 2021, make the first move. Make your feelings known. There’s nothing wrong with being an open book, with acting vulnerable, with sharing your deepest emotions.
Whether you admit to your feelings or not, there’s always a chance you’re going to get your heart broken, so you might as well take a chance on love. You might as well take control of the situation instead of waiting for life to happen to you.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--6 Things To Remember When You Miss Someone You Cut Out Of Your Life

1 .
Your loneliness can trick you into missing the wrong person .
Take a second to ask yourself whether you really miss them — or whether you miss the feeling of being wanted , whether you miss having someone around to keep you company , whether you miss knowing you were never alone .
If you ’ re simply feeling lonely , then there are other people out there who can help you out .
You don ’ t have to settle for this person you already know is bad for you .
You don ’ t have to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You cut them out of your life for a reason .
You might be dwelling on the good moments you shared .
You might be missing them because they brought you so much peace and happiness once upon a time .
But you can not forget about the pain and misery they brought as well .
You can not focus on the good without remembering the bad .
There was a reason you walked away from this person , so don ’ t trick yourself into feeling like it was a mistake .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ first place .
You owe it to your past self to respect the decision you made .
3 .
You don ’ t want to repeat history .
You don ’ t want to give them another chance to hurt you .
And you don ’ t want to put yourself through the pain of walking away again .
It was hard enough to say goodbye the first time .
Do you really want to repeat history ?
Do you really want to take a step backward when you ’ re doing so @ @ @ @ @ @ @ miss them right now , that doesn ’ t mean you ’ re meant to reunite with them again .
That doesn ’ t mean it ’ s a good idea to forgive and forget .
4 .
It ’ s okay to have conflicted feelings about them .
Remember , it ’ s not stupid for you to miss someone who hurt you .
It ’ s natural for you to think about them from time to time .
It can even be healthy for you to relive the good moments in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ let those feelings trick you into making a foolish decision .
You can not run back to the past because your future is going to be so much brighter without them .
5 .
Moving on can take a long time .
You shouldn ’ t feel like you should be over them by now .
You shouldn ’ t beat yourself up over the fact that they still pop into your mind more often than you like to admit .
Everyone ’ s heart heals differently .
Some people need more time @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feel like you ’ ll never get over them , you will .
You simply need a little more time .
And distance .
6 .
They really don ’ t deserve you .
You don ’ t have to settle for someone who is incapable of loving you fully , someone who is incapable of rising to your expectations .
You can do so much better than them , so don ’ t sell yourself short .
Don ’ t assume you ’ re unlovable .
You ’ re going to find @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
And then you ’ ll never miss this person again .

1. Your loneliness can trick you into missing the wrong person. Take a second to ask yourself whether you really miss them — or whether you miss the feeling of being wanted, whether you miss having someone around to keep you company, whether you miss knowing you were never alone. If you’re simply feeling lonely, then there are other people out there who can help you out. You don’t have to settle for this person you already know is bad for you. You don’t have to run back to them.
2. You cut them out of your life for a reason. You might be dwelling on the good moments you shared. You might be missing them because they brought you so much peace and happiness once upon a time. But you cannot forget about the pain and misery they brought as well. You cannot focus on the good without remembering the bad. There was a reason you walked away from this person, so don’t trick yourself into feeling like it was a mistake. Remember why you walked away in the first place. You owe it to your past self to respect the decision you made.
3. You don’t want to repeat history. You don’t want to give them another chance to hurt you. And you don’t want to put yourself through the pain of walking away again. It was hard enough to say goodbye the first time. Do you really want to repeat history? Do you really want to take a step backward when you’re doing so well without them? Although you might miss them right now, that doesn’t mean you’re meant to reunite with them again. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to forgive and forget.
4. It’s okay to have conflicted feelings about them. Remember, it’s not stupid for you to miss someone who hurt you. It’s natural for you to think about them from time to time. It can even be healthy for you to relive the good moments in your mind — but you cannot let those feelings trick you into making a foolish decision. You cannot run back to the past because your future is going to be so much brighter without them.
5. Moving on can take a long time. You shouldn’t feel like you should be over them by now. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over the fact that they still pop into your mind more often than you like to admit. Everyone’s heart heals differently. Some people need more time than others. Even though it might feel like you’ll never get over them, you will. You simply need a little more time. And distance.
6. They really don’t deserve you. You don’t have to settle for someone who is incapable of loving you fully, someone who is incapable of rising to your expectations. You can do so much better than them, so don’t sell yourself short. Don’t assume you’re unlovable. You’re going to find someone who fits you so much better. And then you’ll never miss this person again.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--30 Wise Reminders From Older People With Life Experience

1 .
No person is important enough to keep in your life if they take away from the morals you live by , family included .
Cut them out of your life and move on to a better place .
2 .
The difference between a head full of memories , and a head full of regret , is your ability to forgive yourself .
3 .
The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday .
4 .
Don ’ t take advice from people you don ’ t want to be .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ inactions , not actions .
6 .
Your parents are people .
They are imperfect , they make mistakes , and they don ’ t know everything .
7 .
Time moves forward , regardless of the things that have happened .
You are not guaranteed anything , including a chance to make amends with people that you have wronged , or to forgive people that have wronged you .
If you have something you need to say to someone , then just say it .
Don ’ t assume that you ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ later , whether it ’ s tomorrow or a year from now .
Because when that person is gone , they ’ re gone .
Talking with that person will give closure ( whether good or bad ) , but talking to their headstone only leaves you wondering .
8 .
Take up a hobby or two .
It can be very rewarding .
It will give you something to look forward to while you are drudging away at work , and it is easier to make friends with people when you have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ so damn fast and lots of people that you love die .
Enjoy it while it lasts .
10 .
Learn to say no more .
Be polite and respectful in how you say it , but be clear .
Spreading yourself too thin mentally and emotionally will burn you out and ruin relationships , education , and career opportunities .
Go slow to go fast .
11 .
What seems like a big deal now , isn ’ t–no matter your age .
When you ’ re 33 , you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your unrequited crush , though your 15-year-old mind can ’ t fathom it .
When you ’ re 50 , you won ’ t give a shit about costing your company an important client , though your 33-year-old mind thinks you ’ ve permanently destroyed your career .
When you ’ re 70 , it won ’ t matter that the house you bought at 50 wasn ’ t the good investment you ’ d hoped .
And so on .
Don ’ t stress yourself out , because most of today ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ inconsequential bullshit .
12 .
Love is not a feeling .
It ’ s not a lightning bolt .
It ’ s a choice you make .
Every day you wake up and you need to choose to love the person next to you .
The feeling will fade but if you choose to love them anyway you will find the secret to long and successful relationships .
13 .
Spend your life living and not merely existing…especially when you are young and unencumbered and able to do more physically .
Be curious @ @ @ @ @ @ @ basically a series of choices , usually the harder and the easier choice .
Your only chance of coming out ahead is to reflexively choose the harder option .
16 .
You can ’ t save everyone .
If someone doesn ’ t want to help themselves , you can ’ t help them .
Let go and move on .
17 .
Say yes to almost everything — life ’ s a rollercoaster , might as well treat it like one .
18 .
There ’ s almost nothing in this world @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Do be kind , do be considerate , do be generous — please , be compassionate .
But your actual obligations in this world are nearly nil , and the number of people whose opinion you should value or give the slightest damn about is also close to nil .
So go on , fly your freak flag , and be excellent to one another .
19 .
If you save money today , money will save you tomorrow .
20 .
Alcohol is not a performance-enhancing drug .
It will never @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from it .
21 .
Do not post comments on internet discussion boards : You do not have anonymity .
22 .
Stop and smell the roses .
Life is a journey filled with hardship , but also joy .
Whenever you can , take the time to appreciate what you have .
23 .
Even if you do everything right , you can and will still fail sometimes .
24 .
Respect is earned .
Don ’ t go out of your way to burn bridges , but don ’ t be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
25 .
Decide what you absolutely can ’ t live without and what you absolutely can ’ t live with and apply that to choosing partners , jobs , etc .
Those things may change as you age .
It ’ s never too late to readjust and alter your core values .
26 .
Have more sex .
You will regret all the times you could have gotten laid/fucked and for some reason didn ’ t .
27 .
Saving money is important , but it ’ s also important to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and enjoy it in a way that will create lasting memories .
28 .
Build your character .
Always look to improve it .
Invest yourself in relationships with others who do the same , and distance yourself from those who don ’ t .
Character is everything .
29 .
Resentment is poison .
You forgive and be kind not for them , but for yourself .
30 .
Take chances .
Live your fucking life but take no shit .

Some older people from Ask Reddit have advice for younger generations.
1. No person is important enough to keep in your life if they take away from the morals you live by, family included. Cut them out of your life and move on to a better place.
2. The difference between a head full of memories, and a head full of regret, is your ability to forgive yourself.
3. The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
4. Don’t take advice from people you don’t want to be.
5. Most regrets are caused by inactions, not actions.
6. Your parents are people. They are imperfect, they make mistakes, and they don’t know everything.
7. Time moves forward, regardless of the things that have happened. You are not guaranteed anything, including a chance to make amends with people that you have wronged, or to forgive people that have wronged you. If you have something you need to say to someone, then just say it. Don’t assume that you’ll have a chance to do it later, whether it’s tomorrow or a year from now. Because when that person is gone, they’re gone. Talking with that person will give closure (whether good or bad), but talking to their headstone only leaves you wondering.
8. Take up a hobby or two. It can be very rewarding. It will give you something to look forward to while you are drudging away at work, and it is easier to make friends with people when you have shared interests.
9. Time goes so damn fast and lots of people that you love die. Enjoy it while it lasts.
10. Learn to say no more. Be polite and respectful in how you say it, but be clear. Spreading yourself too thin mentally and emotionally will burn you out and ruin relationships, education, and career opportunities. Go slow to go fast.
11. What seems like a big deal now, isn’t–no matter your age. When you’re 33, you’re not gonna give a shit about your unrequited crush, though your 15-year-old mind can’t fathom it. When you’re 50, you won’t give a shit about costing your company an important client, though your 33-year-old mind thinks you’ve permanently destroyed your career. When you’re 70, it won’t matter that the house you bought at 50 wasn’t the good investment you’d hoped. And so on. Don’t stress yourself out, because most of today’s earth-shattering events are tomorrow’s inconsequential bullshit.
12. Love is not a feeling. It’s not a lightning bolt. It’s a choice you make. Every day you wake up and you need to choose to love the person next to you. The feeling will fade but if you choose to love them anyway you will find the secret to long and successful relationships.
13. Spend your life living and not merely existing…especially when you are young and unencumbered and able to do more physically. Be curious and explore.
14. Life is basically a series of choices, usually the harder and the easier choice. Your only chance of coming out ahead is to reflexively choose the harder option.
15. Always pee after sex.
16. You can’t save everyone. If someone doesn’t want to help themselves, you can’t help them. Let go and move on.
17. Say yes to almost everything — life’s a rollercoaster, might as well treat it like one.
18. There’s almost nothing in this world you need to give a shit about,
Do be kind, do be considerate, do be generous — please, be compassionate.
But your actual obligations in this world are nearly nil, and the number of people whose opinion you should value or give the slightest damn about is also close to nil.
So go on, fly your freak flag, and be excellent to one another.
19. If you save money today, money will save you tomorrow.
20. Alcohol is not a performance-enhancing drug. It will never do you any favors, stay away from it.
21. Do not post comments on internet discussion boards: You do not have anonymity.
22. Stop and smell the roses. Life is a journey filled with hardship, but also joy. Whenever you can, take the time to appreciate what you have.
23. Even if you do everything right, you can and will still fail sometimes.
24. Respect is earned. Don’t go out of your way to burn bridges, but don’t be afraid to tell assholes to fuck off.
25. Decide what you absolutely can’t live without and what you absolutely can’t live with and apply that to choosing partners, jobs, etc. Those things may change as you age. It’s never too late to readjust and alter your core values.
26. Have more sex. You will regret all the times you could have gotten laid/fucked and for some reason didn’t.
27. Saving money is important, but it’s also important to enjoy money while you have it, and enjoy it in a way that will create lasting memories.
28. Build your character. Always look to improve it. Invest yourself in relationships with others who do the same, and distance yourself from those who don’t. Character is everything.
29. Resentment is poison. You forgive and be kind not for them, but for yourself.
30. Take chances. Live your fucking life but take no shit.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-23--The Little Thing Each Zodiac Sign Appreciates More Than Presents

Getting acknowledged for all the hard work they do and how much effort they ’ re putting in every single @ @ @ @ @ like long hugs or forehead kisses or cuddles in bed .
Good morning messages — @ @ @ @ @ they know they ’ re loved .
Getting help around the house and getting chores @ @ @ @ @ by others .
Being drowned in compliments about their hair and makeup and fashion sense @ @ @ @ @ you after they help out someone instead of being taken for granted .
Being complimented @ @ @ @ @ , like their soft heart or their giving nature .
Little surprises , like a @ @ @ @ @ a glass of their favorite wine .
Getting songs and playlists sent to them randomly @ @ @ @ @ .
Getting random texts , asking how they ’ ve been .
Simply checking in @ @ @ @ @ say this reminded me of you .
Hearing those three little words .
Knowing they @ @ @

Aries
Getting acknowledged for all the hard work they do and how much effort they’re putting in every single day.
Taurus
Physical affection, like long hugs or forehead kisses or cuddles in bed.
Good morning messages — or goodnight messages — so they know they’re loved.
Cancer
Getting help around the house and getting chores crossed off their to-do list by others.
For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new. How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on. Buy now
Leo
Being drowned in compliments about their hair and makeup and fashion sense.
Virgo
Receiving a genuine thank you after they help out someone instead of being taken for granted.
Being complimented on aspects of their personality, like their soft heart or their giving nature.
Scorpio
Little surprises, like a warm cup of coffee or a glass of their favorite wine.
Sagittarius
Getting songs and playlists sent to them randomly, out of the blue.
Capricorn
Getting random texts, asking how they’ve been. Simply checking in on them.
Having someone say this reminded me of you.
Pisces
Hearing those three little words. Knowing they are loved.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-26--Finding Comfort In The Aisles Of Home Depot

To get the obvious out of the way , Home Depot is the place where no one will judge me for showing up in the same pair of sweatpants I ’ ve been wearing for years , stained continually over time , and should probably be in the trash at this point since the tiny hole in the crotch area has widened .
No one cares , not one person .
When I show up at Home Depot , I am showing up as my truest self , on a path towards guaranteed accomplishment by way of home improvement .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ achievement itself discredits any potential judgment for the way I ’ ve chosen to show up .
As if there ’ s a brief moment in time where I can show up somewhere unapologetically .
But where I can show up here authentically , I feel I have to show up elsewhere with a forged personality .
What if I showed up unapologetically elsewhere , as I do when I arrive at Home Depot ?
Can I reach this level of authenticity in other aspects of life that are clearly begging for it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ walking in , the large and wide automatic sliding doors open somewhat dramatically .
I am immediately greeted by a host in a bright orange apron , my nose instantly inundated with the smell of wood that feels like it ’ s just been sanded , and then I think to myself – let ’ s fucking get it .
As I squint in my attempt to read the aisle signs as I navigate myself around the store , I am reminded of the vast community one can find there at any given @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a young couple learning about the different wattages in light bulbs , a father projecting toxic masculinity onto his son while handing him a power drill , the cat-lady in the garden area excited to be expanding her varied plant collection , and/or a retired couple investing in an outdoor living set .
But of course , last but not least , one can always find the perturbed straight man , seen blowing raspberries as he waits in line , obvious his wife has asked him so many times to fix something that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ end of a well-deserved threat and passive-aggressive insult , which has given him no option to delay this chore any longer .
What I ’ m trying to say is Home Depot is the place where people come together to better themselves in the best way they know how to .
Contrarily , the admission I feel in Home Depot leads me to think more in-depth about the other places I think I am needed to shrink to feel accepted .
This is where I start to pay attention .
These places could @ @ @ @ @ @ @ school , but more likely , it could be the people closest to you .
Pay attention to your circle , specifically those who don ’ t listen when you have something important to say , instead turn the table of conversation back to themselves .
Pay attention to your performance when you ’ re around others .
If you mold yourself into a foreign character unbeknownst to you , rethink this relationship .
Pay attention to the people who refute your grief and , even worse , attempt to manage it .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the only person that this afflicts is yourself .
Sure , sex is cool but have you ever come home with sandpaper to shave down an old nightstand , caulking to spruce up the tiles in your moldy shower , and new mulch for your Fiddle-Leaf all in one day ?
One could say this feeling of empowerment could be stemmed from the gaslighting we ’ ve endured in childhood that taught us our self-worth is solely dependent on what you accomplish .
Still , it feels good to check things off @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for 6+ months , to sit on my throne ( my couch ) , and revel in the way I have made my kingdom ( apartment ) better .
Yes , I will be putting my feet up today , I have just reached peak domestic , don ’ t mind if I do .
While on the topic of achievements through domestic bliss , I would specifically like to recount how seen I felt in 2003 when Will Ferrell ’ s movie character in Old School , a middle-aged man in a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ over the errands he and his wife have scheduled for the following day : “ Well , actually a pretty nice little Saturday , we ’ re going to go to Home Depot .
Yeah , buy some wallpaper , maybe get some flooring , stuff like that .
Maybe Bed , Bath , & Beyond , I don ’ t know , I don ’ t know if we ’ ll have enough time.
” Ultimately this movie marriage ended .
Mostly because he disclosed to wondering what another woman ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ date with his wife at an Olive Garden , then ultimately revealing his panic over the idea of only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life .
As I think about this 17 years later as a full-fledged adult , my chaotic brain can ’ t help but wonder if it ’ s the lack of purity this partnership needed in other ways , like how it felt when they ran errands together .
Obviously , suburban America loves to run errands because we are the most honest with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Home Depot is my metaphor for attempting my most genuine self in other ways , like writing this essay , like finding community in people who can agree that Home Depot has undeniable soothing qualities .
This pursuit , up until now , has been held back by mostly fear , self-doubt , and shame , all projected by outsiders .
Perhaps I ’ ll view the world as a giant Home Depot , the gateway to authenticity by way of wide automatic sliding doors , and my community of defenders all wearing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ d get done if we felt safe in the space to do it .
Anyway , does anyone need anything ?
I ’ m headed there now .

To get the obvious out of the way, Home Depot is the place where no one will judge me for showing up in the same pair of sweatpants I’ve been wearing for years, stained continually over time, and should probably be in the trash at this point since the tiny hole in the crotch area has widened. No one cares, not one person. When I show up at Home Depot, I am showing up as my truest self, on a path towards guaranteed accomplishment by way of home improvement. It’s almost as if the achievement itself discredits any potential judgment for the way I’ve chosen to show up. As if there’s a brief moment in time where I can show up somewhere unapologetically. But where I can show up here authentically, I feel I have to show up elsewhere with a forged personality. What if I showed up unapologetically elsewhere, as I do when I arrive at Home Depot? Can I reach this level of authenticity in other aspects of life that are clearly begging for it?
Upon arriving at Home Depot, walking in, the large and wide automatic sliding doors open somewhat dramatically. I am immediately greeted by a host in a bright orange apron, my nose instantly inundated with the smell of wood that feels like it’s just been sanded, and then I think to myself – let’s fucking get it.
As I squint in my attempt to read the aisle signs as I navigate myself around the store, I am reminded of the vast community one can find there at any given time. This community can consist of a young couple learning about the different wattages in light bulbs, a father projecting toxic masculinity onto his son while handing him a power drill, the cat-lady in the garden area excited to be expanding her varied plant collection, and/or a retired couple investing in an outdoor living set. But of course, last but not least, one can always find the perturbed straight man, seen blowing raspberries as he waits in line, obvious his wife has asked him so many times to fix something that this morning he was on the receiving end of a well-deserved threat and passive-aggressive insult, which has given him no option to delay this chore any longer. What I’m trying to say is Home Depot is the place where people come together to better themselves in the best way they know how to.
Contrarily, the admission I feel in Home Depot leads me to think more in-depth about the other places I think I am needed to shrink to feel accepted. This is where I start to pay attention. These places could be the workplace, it could be school, but more likely, it could be the people closest to you. Pay attention to your circle, specifically those who don’t listen when you have something important to say, instead turn the table of conversation back to themselves. Pay attention to your performance when you’re around others. If you mold yourself into a foreign character unbeknownst to you, rethink this relationship. Pay attention to the people who refute your grief and, even worse, attempt to manage it. Pay attention because, in the end, the only person that this afflicts is yourself.
Sure, sex is cool but have you ever come home with sandpaper to shave down an old nightstand, caulking to spruce up the tiles in your moldy shower, and new mulch for your Fiddle-Leaf all in one day? One could say this feeling of empowerment could be stemmed from the gaslighting we’ve endured in childhood that taught us our self-worth is solely dependent on what you accomplish. Still, it feels good to check things off my list that’s been pending for 6+ months, to sit on my throne (my couch), and revel in the way I have made my kingdom (apartment) better. Yes, I will be putting my feet up today, I have just reached peak domestic, don’t mind if I do.
While on the topic of achievements through domestic bliss, I would specifically like to recount how seen I felt in 2003 when Will Ferrell’s movie character in Old School, a middle-aged man in a loveless marriage, drunkenly expressed his excitement over the errands he and his wife have scheduled for the following day:
“Well, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”
Ultimately this movie marriage ended. Mostly because he disclosed to wondering what another woman’s panties looked like while out on a date with his wife at an Olive Garden, then ultimately revealing his panic over the idea of only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life. As I think about this 17 years later as a full-fledged adult, my chaotic brain can’t help but wonder if it’s the lack of purity this partnership needed in other ways, like how it felt when they ran errands together. Obviously, suburban America loves to run errands because we are the most honest with our individuality when we do.
Perhaps Home Depot is my metaphor for attempting my most genuine self in other ways, like writing this essay, like finding community in people who can agree that Home Depot has undeniable soothing qualities. This pursuit, up until now, has been held back by mostly fear, self-doubt, and shame, all projected by outsiders. Perhaps I’ll view the world as a giant Home Depot, the gateway to authenticity by way of wide automatic sliding doors, and my community of defenders all wearing bright orange aprons. Imagine what we’d get done if we felt safe in the space to do it.
Anyway, does anyone need anything? I’m headed there now.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-28--How Each Zodiac Sign Feels Heading Into 2021

You ’ re nervous .
There are a lot of things you want to accomplish , a lot of risks you ’ re willing to take , and you ’ re desperately hoping they work out .
You ’ re cautiously optimistic .
You know the new year isn ’ t going to magically change anything , but you believe that things are going to start getting better for you soon .
You ’ re upset .
You wanted to achieve so much more in 2020 and are mourning all of the people and opportunities you lost along the way @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ re sick of living the same exact life day after day and are ready for a drastic change .
You ’ re terrified .
So many things in life have been unpredictable lately and you honestly don ’ t know where this year is going to take you .
You ’ re excited .
You know beautiful things are awaiting you and can not wait to see what the future holds .
You ’ re hopeful .
You ’ re unsure whether 2021 is going to be a good year — but @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thinking positive .
You ’ re indifferent .
You don ’ t think there ’ s going to be much of a difference between December and January .
Time is meaningless .
You ’ re exhausted .
You want a break from the stress and drama .
You ’ re hoping 2021 will be a lot calmer .
You ’ re a nervous wreck .
This year did a number on you .
You lost most of your optimism and are simply trying to survive .
You ’ re uncertain .
You ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are this year or what you want to accomplish .
You ’ re impatient .
You ’ re ready to leave 2020 behind and embark on a new , exciting year .

You’re nervous. There are a lot of things you want to accomplish, a lot of risks you’re willing to take, and you’re desperately hoping they work out.
Taurus
You’re cautiously optimistic. You know the new year isn’t going to magically change anything, but you believe that things are going to start getting better for you soon.
Gemini
You’re upset. You wanted to achieve so much more in 2020 and are mourning all of the people and opportunities you lost along the way.
Cancer
You’re restless. You’re sick of living the same exact life day after day and are ready for a drastic change.
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Leo
You’re terrified. So many things in life have been unpredictable lately and you honestly don’t know where this year is going to take you.
Virgo
You’re excited. You know beautiful things are awaiting you and cannot wait to see what the future holds.
Libra
You’re hopeful. You’re unsure whether 2021 is going to be a good year — but you’re keeping your faith and thinking positive.
You’re indifferent. You don’t think there’s going to be much of a difference between December and January. Time is meaningless.
Sagittarius
You’re exhausted. You want a break from the stress and drama. You’re hoping 2021 will be a lot calmer.
Capricorn
You’re a nervous wreck. This year did a number on you. You lost most of your optimism and are simply trying to survive.
You’re uncertain. You’re not sure exactly what your goals are this year or what you want to accomplish.
Pisces
You’re impatient. You’re ready to leave 2020 behind and embark on a new, exciting year.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-28--What I Wish I Knew About Having A Crush On A Girl At 17

I wish I knew that things didn ’ t have to be this complicated .
Of course , in a more ideal world , that would have been obvious .
It wouldn ’ t have been a life-alternating revelation to discover the feeling within myself—it could ’ ve been a simple coming of age point amongst many others I would experience .
I wish I would ’ ve known that having those feelings didn ’ t make me a horrific person .
I wish I knew that when I was crying in my room over the dreams I couldn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t have to hate myself for them .
That I wasn ’ t someone who would end up alone and abandoned by everyone who cared about her .
Of course , some people would ’ ve left .
Sadly I do know that some form of alienation would ’ ve been inevitable .
When people believe something is abhorrently evil and disgusting , it ’ s not shocking they would want to disconnect from you .
Still , I wish I would ’ ve known that my true friends would not hate me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would know the person I am and still love me .
That they wouldn ’ t treat this as a problem to be fixed , but rather , as one of the many aspects that make up who I am .
I wish I would ’ ve known that repressing the feelings wouldn ’ t make them go away .
That pretending they didn ’ t exist and never acting on them wouldn ’ t solve the deep-rooted feelings that were underneath .
That the pressure would only build up until I cracked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what would happen next .
I wish I would ’ ve known that in 10 years , the feelings wouldn ’ t dissipate .
That no matter how much of a perfect show I put on that they and this would still be part of me—only now it would be tied up in a sea of resentment and bitterness and trauma .
I wish I would ’ ve been kinder to those who were living their authentic lives .
I did my best , but couldn ’ t shake the judgment at times @ @ @ @ @ @ @ because I was living righteously , but the truth was I wished I could understand that part of myself better .
I wish I hadn ’ t lashed out at those people and caused them pain .
Even though I ’ m better now , I still can ’ t undo the hurt I caused them .
I wish I knew that even the most kind-hearted intentions of those who would say , “ I can ’ t support that type of life ” or “ I just don ’ t want you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not have been the same as those who were completely disowned from their families but would still carry a heavy trauma of its own .
Saying those things in a softer tone didn ’ t lessen the hurt .
I wish I knew it was okay that it still affected me in ways I couldn ’ t fathom for years to come , and that I wasn ’ t alone in the struggle .
I wish I knew that being queer didn ’ t have to mean abandoning everything I had ever known @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have faith , see others for who they are rather than what others claim is “ correct.
” That this discovery of myself didn ’ t mean that I had to completely tear my life to shreds unless I wanted to .
And wanting to would also be completely okay .
I wish I knew I might waver or want to take my time figuring out all these feelings , and that I didn ’ t have to decide everything at once .
That these feelings might change and become a myriad of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to experience them every step of the way .
That I wasn ’ t an imposter , someone trying to pretend to be something I wasn ’ t .
At 17 , I wish I would ’ ve known that even if things felt shaky , unsteady , and nerve-racking , eventually everything would be okay .
Things would get better .
I wish I would ’ ve known that I would look back and be so , so proud of who I ’ ve become .

I wish I knew that things didn’t have to be this complicated.
Of course, in a more ideal world, that would have been obvious. It wouldn’t have been a life-alternating revelation to discover the feeling within myself—it could’ve been a simple coming of age point amongst many others I would experience.
I wish I would’ve known that having those feelings didn’t make me a horrific person. I wish I knew that when I was crying in my room over the dreams I couldn’t control, that I didn’t have to hate myself for them. That I wasn’t someone who would end up alone and abandoned by everyone who cared about her. Of course, some people would’ve left. Sadly I do know that some form of alienation would’ve been inevitable. When people believe something is abhorrently evil and disgusting, it’s not shocking they would want to disconnect from you.
Still, I wish I would’ve known that my true friends would not hate me or think I was unnatural, but would know the person I am and still love me. That they wouldn’t treat this as a problem to be fixed, but rather, as one of the many aspects that make up who I am.
I wish I would’ve known that repressing the feelings wouldn’t make them go away. That pretending they didn’t exist and never acting on them wouldn’t solve the deep-rooted feelings that were underneath. That the pressure would only build up until I cracked open, confused, and afraid of what would happen next.
I wish I would’ve known that in 10 years, the feelings wouldn’t dissipate. That no matter how much of a perfect show I put on that they and this would still be part of me—only now it would be tied up in a sea of resentment and bitterness and trauma.
I wish I would’ve been kinder to those who were living their authentic lives. I did my best, but couldn’t shake the judgment at times. I tried to pretend it was because I was living righteously, but the truth was I wished I could understand that part of myself better. I wish I hadn’t lashed out at those people and caused them pain. Even though I’m better now, I still can’t undo the hurt I caused them.
I wish I knew that even the most kind-hearted intentions of those who would say, “I can’t support that type of life” or “I just don’t want you to end up alone forever” may not have been the same as those who were completely disowned from their families but would still carry a heavy trauma of its own. Saying those things in a softer tone didn’t lessen the hurt. I wish I knew it was okay that it still affected me in ways I couldn’t fathom for years to come, and that I wasn’t alone in the struggle.
I wish I knew that being queer didn’t have to mean abandoning everything I had ever known. I could still love people, have faith, see others for who they are rather than what others claim is “correct.” That this discovery of myself didn’t mean that I had to completely tear my life to shreds unless I wanted to. And wanting to would also be completely okay.
I wish I knew I might waver or want to take my time figuring out all these feelings, and that I didn’t have to decide everything at once. That these feelings might change and become a myriad of things, and I had a right to experience them every step of the way. That I wasn’t an imposter, someone trying to pretend to be something I wasn’t.
At 17, I wish I would’ve known that even if things felt shaky, unsteady, and nerve-racking, eventually everything would be okay. Things would get better.
I wish I would’ve known that I would look back and be so, so proud of who I’ve become.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-28--What Each Zodiac Sign Wants To Improve Upon In The New Year

You want to get better at expressing your emotions .
You want to stop holding so much of yourself inside and become comfortable showing your real , unfiltered self to the people you love .
You want to get better at putting yourself out there when it comes to dating .
You want to start making the first move , making introductions , and making it clear when you have feelings for someone .
You want to get better at keeping in contact with people .
You don ’ t want to lose touch with the friends you made years @ @ @ @ @ @ @ value but don ’ t have the chance to see very often .
You want to get better at saying no and asking for what you want .
You want to put aside your people-pleasing nature and stop settling for less than you deserve in your friendships , workplace , and relationships .
You want to get better at admitting your mistakes .
You want to stop being so stubborn all the time and learn to accept when you ’ re wrong instead of blaming everyone around you .
You want to become @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not actually perfect .
You want to get better at recognizing signs of burnout .
You want to avoid putting too much on your plate at once .
You want to build a healthier work/life balance so you ’ re not always so exhausted .
You want to get better at your passions .
You want to set aside more time to work toward your dreams instead of getting distracted by more materialistic goals .
You want to think with your heart over your head .
You want to get better at handling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to laugh off your problems or avoid people who have been bothering you .
You want to learn how to stand up for yourself and speak your mind so you stop getting walked over .
You want to get better at enjoying the moment .
You want to stop putting so much energy into worrying about what might happen tomorrow and what already happened yesterday .
You want to live in the present .
You want to get better at making connections and building long-lasting friendships .
You want to stop isolating yourself @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s easier to be alone .
You want to get better at showing your vulnerable side .
You want to say those three little words more .
You want to tell everyone how much they mean to you instead of assuming they already know how you feel .
You want to get better at controlling your temper .
You don ’ t want to lash out whenever you ’ re upset .
You want to take the time to process your emotions and decide how to handle them instead of saying the first @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Aries
You want to get better at expressing your emotions. You want to stop holding so much of yourself inside and become comfortable showing your real, unfiltered self to the people you love.
You want to get better at putting yourself out there when it comes to dating. You want to start making the first move, making introductions, and making it clear when you have feelings for someone.
Gemini
You want to get better at keeping in contact with people. You don’t want to lose touch with the friends you made years ago, the friends who you still value but don’t have the chance to see very often.
Cancer
You want to get better at saying no and asking for what you want. You want to put aside your people-pleasing nature and stop settling for less than you deserve in your friendships, workplace, and relationships.
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You want to get better at admitting your mistakes. You want to stop being so stubborn all the time and learn to accept when you’re wrong instead of blaming everyone around you. You want to become okay with the fact you’re not actually perfect.
Virgo
You want to get better at recognizing signs of burnout. You want to avoid putting too much on your plate at once. You want to build a healthier work/life balance so you’re not always so exhausted.
Libra
You want to get better at your passions. You want to set aside more time to work toward your dreams instead of getting distracted by more materialistic goals. You want to think with your heart over your head.
Scorpio
You want to get better at handling conflict. You don’t want to laugh off your problems or avoid people who have been bothering you. You want to learn how to stand up for yourself and speak your mind so you stop getting walked over.
You want to get better at enjoying the moment. You want to stop putting so much energy into worrying about what might happen tomorrow and what already happened yesterday. You want to live in the present.
Capricorn
You want to get better at making connections and building long-lasting friendships. You want to stop isolating yourself and pushing others away because it’s easier to be alone.
Aquarius
You want to get better at showing your vulnerable side. You want to say those three little words more. You want to tell everyone how much they mean to you instead of assuming they already know how you feel.
Pisces
You want to get better at controlling your temper. You don’t want to lash out whenever you’re upset. You want to take the time to process your emotions and decide how to handle them instead of saying the first thing that pops into your head.


thoughtcatalog--2020-12-28--5 Reminders When You Love An Alcoholic (And Want To Leave)

1 .
You can ’ t change them .
You can ’ t convince them to give up drinking .
They need to make that decision on their own .
So don ’ t feel like it ’ s your fault if you can ’ t find a way through to them .
Don ’ t feel like you ’ re the one to blame because they would give up drinking if they love you enough to stop .
Their issues aren ’ t your fault — and they ’ re not your responsibility .
Even though you love them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ if they refuse to stop drinking and continue on treating you like shit , the best thing you can do for yourself is leave .
Set yourself free .
2 .
You ’ re being negatively impacted by their behavior .
It doesn ’ t matter if your partner , parent , sibling , cousin , or best friend is an alcoholic .
If you ’ re close with this person , then their drinking is going to negatively impact you .
It could change your own behavior .
It could change your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be the only one who needs a support system .
Al-Anon exists for a reason .
The program is built for family and friends of alcoholics .
It ’ s free to attend and it will help you feel less alone in what you ’ re going through .
3 .
This might not be the real them — but it ’ s them right now .
You might feel obligated to stick by their side because you know who they are when they ’ re sober .
You know they ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ know they aren ’ t trying to hurt you .
However , you can ’ t wait for them forever .
If they ’ ve been suffering for a long time and they aren ’ t even attempting to better themselves , then you need to give yourself permission to leave .
Even though this might not be the real them , it ’ s the person you ’ re stuck with right now .
That other person isn ’ t around anymore .
4 .
A goodbye today isn ’ t a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get help , if they clean up their act , if they put effort into their recovery , then maybe you can reunite in the future .
Maybe you can start over again .
But you can ’ t start over right now .
Not when they ’ re acting like this .
Not when alcohol is the only thing on their mind .
Even though you want to do what ’ s best for them , you have to start worrying about what is best for yourself because your mental health matters @ @ @ @ @ @ @ re not a bad person for leaving .
It doesn ’ t matter if other people judge you .
It doesn ’ t matter if they consider you heartless .
They don ’ t realize how long you put up with toxic behavior .
They don ’ t realize how many times you gave this person another chance , and another , and another .
They don ’ t realize that you put your whole heart and soul into helping them get better — but they didn ’ t want your help .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ They kept pushing you away .
Even though you might feel guilty for saying goodbye to this person you love , this person you desperately want to help , you did all that you could .

1. You can’t change them. You can’t convince them to give up drinking. They need to make that decision on their own. So don’t feel like it’s your fault if you can’t find a way through to them. Don’t feel like you’re the one to blame because they would give up drinking if they love you enough to stop. Their issues aren’t your fault — and they’re not your responsibility. Even though you love them and would do anything for them, if they refuse to stop drinking and continue on treating you like shit, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave. Set yourself free.
2. You’re being negatively impacted by their behavior. It doesn’t matter if your partner, parent, sibling, cousin, or best friend is an alcoholic. If you’re close with this person, then their drinking is going to negatively impact you. It could change your own behavior. It could change your own thought patterns. They might not be the only one who needs a support system. Al-Anon exists for a reason. The program is built for family and friends of alcoholics. It’s free to attend and it will help you feel less alone in what you’re going through.
3. This might not be the real them — but it’s them right now. You might feel obligated to stick by their side because you know who they are when they’re sober. You know they’re a good person deep down. You know they aren’t trying to hurt you. However, you can’t wait for them forever. If they’ve been suffering for a long time and they aren’t even attempting to better themselves, then you need to give yourself permission to leave. Even though this might not be the real them, it’s the person you’re stuck with right now. That other person isn’t around anymore.
4. A goodbye today isn’t a goodbye forever. If they decide to get help, if they clean up their act, if they put effort into their recovery, then maybe you can reunite in the future. Maybe you can start over again. But you can’t start over right now. Not when they’re acting like this. Not when alcohol is the only thing on their mind. Even though you want to do what’s best for them, you have to start worrying about what is best for yourself because your mental health matters, too.
5. You’re not a bad person for leaving. It doesn’t matter if other people judge you. It doesn’t matter if they consider you heartless. They don’t realize how long you put up with toxic behavior. They don’t realize how many times you gave this person another chance, and another, and another. They don’t realize that you put your whole heart and soul into helping them get better — but they didn’t want your help. They kept making the wrong choice. They kept pushing you away. Even though you might feel guilty for saying goodbye to this person you love, this person you desperately want to help, you did all that you could.