thoughtcatalog--2020-03-11--Responding To The Trigger Differently Is The Only Way You’re Going To Heal It

We often think that what unravels our lives are singular events , instances we can pinpoint our pain to .
This is actually the exception to the rule .
Two people can go through the exact same life event and have a completely different experience of it .
It wasn ’ t the event itself that changed them , it was how they responded , which is the result of the context it occurred in .
It was everything that was happening beforehand that lead to that breaking point moment .
In fact , we usually think that our triggers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ us , when in fact , they are usually trying to show us the ways in which we are already destroying ourselves .
If you are someone who wants to reclaim your power , then you are going to have to learn to respond to your triggers differently .
At first , this will be uncomfortable .
In fact , almost everything inside of you is going to want to engage .
Your mind will implore you to overthink , obsess , return to the old behavior… see that person , do that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Your brain is going to start releasing chemicals that you ’ ll start feeding off of .
This will make it seem absolutely impossible to disengage .
You will , first , have to get back in your body .
The real transformation is not mental , but physical .
This is what helps you re-regulate the fight-or-flight response that compels you to engage in the trigger .
Once you ’ ve reset , you will then have to look long and hard at what ’ s bothering you , and why .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ corners of your psyche .
You will need to get really honest with yourself about the origins of what ’ s bothering you and how you ’ re going to write a new story .
This is where you will have to start to build willpower .
When you see the opportunity present itself , you will have to consciously choose not to engage in the behavior that is destroying you .
Over time , the triggers will stop showing up .
You know this because there have been dozens of problems in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ d get over , and today , you probably don ’ t think about most of them .
In years past , you were triggered by seeing your ex , you were triggered by your best friends ’ not including you , you were triggered by how you looked , what grades you got , your relationship to your parents .
Maybe some of those are still with you now .
Chances are , you ’ ve forgotten about the majority of the hardest things you ever endured .
This is because @ @ @ @ @ @ @ see the situation differently , extract new wisdom from it , and eventually , you changed .
The same thing has to happen now .
You have to start asking yourself how your best self would respond to this , how you ’ d like to respond to this , how you ’ d prefer to live .
Then you have to start choosing it .
Trying to control the trigger into not existing anymore will never work .
The only answer is to change the way you react .
This doesn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
This doesn ’ t mean you pretend you ’ re unbothered .
This doesn ’ t mean you try to avoid everything that might upset you .
It only means that you let yourself cry now , you express how you feel , you don ’ t stop living because of the fear that you might lose control of your emotions .
The triggers in your life do not exist to hurt you or keep you stuck .
They exist to show you where you are not yet free .

We often think that what unravels our lives are singular events, instances we can pinpoint our pain to.
This is actually the exception to the rule.
Two people can go through the exact same life event and have a completely different experience of it.
It wasn’t the event itself that changed them, it was how they responded, which is the result of the context it occurred in. It was everything that was happening beforehand that lead to that breaking point moment.
Triggers are actually tipping points.
In fact, we usually think that our triggers are what’s trying to destroy us, when in fact, they are usually trying to show us the ways in which we are already destroying ourselves.
If you are someone who wants to reclaim your power, then you are going to have to learn to respond to your triggers differently.
At first, this will be uncomfortable.
In fact, almost everything inside of you is going to want to engage. Your mind will implore you to overthink, obsess, return to the old behavior… see that person, do that thing, over and over again.
Your brain is going to start releasing chemicals that you’ll start feeding off of.
This will make it seem absolutely impossible to disengage.
You will, first, have to get back in your body.
The real transformation is not mental, but physical.
Move, breathe, exercise.
This is what helps you re-regulate the fight-or-flight response that compels you to engage in the trigger.
Once you’ve reset, you will then have to look long and hard at what’s bothering you, and why. You need to pry into the deepest corners of your psyche. You will need to get really honest with yourself about the origins of what’s bothering you and how you’re going to write a new story.
This is where you will have to start to build willpower.
When you see the opportunity present itself, you will have to consciously choose not to engage in the behavior that is destroying you.
Over time, the triggers will stop showing up.
You know this because there have been dozens of problems in your life that you never thought you’d get over, and today, you probably don’t think about most of them.
In years past, you were triggered by seeing your ex, you were triggered by your best friends’ not including you, you were triggered by how you looked, what grades you got, your relationship to your parents.
Maybe some of those are still with you now.
Chances are, you’ve forgotten about the majority of the hardest things you ever endured.
This is because you grew.
You learned how to see the situation differently, extract new wisdom from it, and eventually, you changed.
The same thing has to happen now.
You have to start asking yourself how your best self would respond to this, how you’d like to respond to this, how you’d prefer to live.
Then you have to start choosing it.
Trying to control the trigger into not existing anymore will never work. The only answer is to change the way you react.
This doesn’t mean you shove your feelings down.
This doesn’t mean you pretend you’re unbothered.
This doesn’t mean you try to avoid everything that might upset you.
It only means that you let yourself cry now, you express how you feel, you don’t stop living because of the fear that you might lose control of your emotions.
The triggers in your life do not exist to hurt you or keep you stuck.
They exist to show you where you are not yet free.


thoughtcatalog--2020-03-11--Does Not Coming Out Online Make Me Less Queer?

I never posted on Instagram with a picture of me holding a rainbow flag , tossing colorful confetti , or being at a pride parade ( tbh , I ’ ve never even been to a pride parade ) .
I never updated my Twitter bio with the ever popular double female symbol or a rainbow flag emoji .
I never wrote clever captions or even blunt ones under pictures of my girlfriend and me .
I never formally came out online .
And I ’ m wondering now if this makes me a lousy member of the LGBTQ+ community @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like to think I ’ m neither of those things .
First and foremost , I ’ m proud of who I am .
It ’ s taken me quite a while to be able to say those words and mean them , but I finally got there .
I ’ m proud .
At first , my reasoning for not taking the jump and publicly announcing my belonging to the queer community was simply because I wasn ’ t ready .
After my first kiss with a girl , I didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and I definitely didn ’ t want to do all of that online—I felt like I needed to sort my identity out on my own before I made any declarations for others to see and analyze .
But the thing was , even when I settled on a label for myself , I still didn ’ t feel ready to post about it on any of my social media platforms .
There were times when I thought to myself , “ Fuck it , just post the picture of you and [ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ” but I always chickened out .
I would psych myself out with thoughts like “ What if someone in my extended family sees this ?
” or “ What if I become a screenshotted conversation in someone from high school ’ s group chat ?
” These thoughts alone were enough to convince me to just not post or select a less chummy picture of my girlfriend and me .
I was afraid of what others would think or say .
I was anxious that people who knew me at earlier @ @ @ @ @ @ @ validity of my sexual orientation , since at those particular moments in life , I ( thought I ) was “ straight.
” I didn ’ t want to be a topic of conversation or the punchline of a joke .
I just wanted to remain the Nicole everyone thought I was in order to protect myself and my feelings .
I was a coward .
But I wasn ’ t less queer than anyone comfortable enough to post about their sexual orientation .
I was never “ less than ” or “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ still Nicole , but this one aspect of my identity was different than the piece I and the people around me thought they knew before I came to terms with it .
Something that I really appreciate and value about the LGBTQ+ community is the message that we spread of coming out on your own terms and on your own time .
There is no how-to book on how to come out and there ’ s no guarantee of how you ’ ll be received by the people around you .
But I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ never want to formally come out online , you are not less than anyone that is comfortable enough to post about that component of their identity .
You are just as valuable and legitimate as anyone else in this community .
And just for the record , it isn ’ t a requirement to come out online !
This is not a rite of passage into the queer community or a box you have to check off once you come to terms with a label ( if you ever come to terms with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ online or never post a thing—either way , it ’ s really okay .
Just do what feels true and comfortable to you .
Also , plot twist !
This is me coming out online .

I never posted on Instagram with a picture of me holding a rainbow flag, tossing colorful confetti, or being at a pride parade (tbh, I’ve never even been to a pride parade). I never updated my Twitter bio with the ever popular double female symbol or a rainbow flag emoji. I never wrote clever captions or even blunt ones under pictures of my girlfriend and me.
I never formally came out online. And I’m wondering now if this makes me a lousy member of the LGBTQ+ community or a coward.
I’d like to think I’m neither of those things. First and foremost, I’m proud of who I am. It’s taken me quite a while to be able to say those words and mean them, but I finally got there. I’m proud.
At first, my reasoning for not taking the jump and publicly announcing my belonging to the queer community was simply because I wasn’t ready. After my first kiss with a girl, I didn’t really understand who I was anymore, and I definitely didn’t want to do all of that online—I felt like I needed to sort my identity out on my own before I made any declarations for others to see and analyze.
But the thing was, even when I settled on a label for myself, I still didn’t feel ready to post about it on any of my social media platforms. There were times when I thought to myself, “Fuck it, just post the picture of you and [insert girlfriend’s name here],” but I always chickened out. I would psych myself out with thoughts like “What if someone in my extended family sees this?” or “What if I become a screenshotted conversation in someone from high school’s group chat?” These thoughts alone were enough to convince me to just not post or select a less chummy picture of my girlfriend and me.
I was afraid of what others would think or say. I was anxious that people who knew me at earlier points in my life would question the validity of my sexual orientation, since at those particular moments in life, I (thought I) was “straight.” I didn’t want to be a topic of conversation or the punchline of a joke. I just wanted to remain the Nicole everyone thought I was in order to protect myself and my feelings.
I was a coward. But I wasn’t less queer than anyone comfortable enough to post about their sexual orientation.
I was never “less than” or “less of” anything. I was still Nicole, but this one aspect of my identity was different than the piece I and the people around me thought they knew before I came to terms with it.
Something that I really appreciate and value about the LGBTQ+ community is the message that we spread of coming out on your own terms and on your own time. There is no how-to book on how to come out and there’s no guarantee of how you’ll be received by the people around you. But I can promise you that even if you never want to formally come out online, you are not less than anyone that is comfortable enough to post about that component of their identity. You are just as valuable and legitimate as anyone else in this community.
And just for the record, it isn’t a requirement to come out online! This is not a rite of passage into the queer community or a box you have to check off once you come to terms with a label (if you ever come to terms with one). You can come out online or never post a thing—either way, it’s really okay. Just do what feels true and comfortable to you.
Also, plot twist! This is me coming out online.


thoughtcatalog--2020-03-11--The Extremely Online Killer: Luka Magnotta’s Psychotic Narcissism

Imagine being so empty inside that you would do anything—ANYTHING—for attention .
“ Anything ” includes enduring multiple plastic surgeries in your early 20s and setting up dozens of websites to post thousands of pictures of yourself to create the illusion that you ’ re already famous .
It involves spreading rumors that you ’ re dating an infamous Canadian serial killer , then appearing publicly to deny the rumors and claim that someone is “ stalking ” you .
And when all that manufactured attention doesn ’ t deliver enough of a thrill , it involves suffocating kittens to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ naming yourself as the killer because anonymity didn ’ t deliver enough attention .
And then , in homage to your favorite movie Fatal Instinct , it involves tying a man to a bed and dismembering him .
Taking it far beyond your favorite movie , it involves filming the entire incident , hyping it online before posting , and then posting the snuff film for the all world to see .
Then , when the police catch up with you after you ’ ve fled overseas , it involves being nabbed in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reading news stories about yourself online .
Icily cold and robotic , Luka Magnotta is Patient Zero in the fatal virus that is social media .
He is the logical end to social-media narcissism .
If he had to do the sickest things imaginable to get the attention he craved , that ’ s exactly what he did .
He would get attention if he had to kill for it .
EARLY LIFE : LONELY BOY FROM A BROKEN HOME BECOMES OBSESSED WITH MOVIE STARS He was born Eric Clinton Kirk Newman in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cruel mother in Ontario , Canada .
The oldest of three children , he says his mother was a germaphobe who ’ d routinely lock her kids out in the cold and once let the kids ’ pet rabbits freeze to death outside .
His parents didn ’ t send him to school until sixth grade .
When his parents divorced , he went to live with his grandmother , who dressed him in girls ’ clothes , slept with him , and once told him he acted like a “ faggot.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a male cousin had routinely assaulted him sexually when he was 14 .
He would also confess to that therapist : As a shy , acne-plagued teen , he started hearing voices and retreated into a fantasy world where he played with dolls , pretended he was a girl , and became obsessed with Marilyn Monroe , whose soul he claimed was living inside him .
He also fixated on other glamorous female movie stars , writing a school book report about Ava Gardner and Sharon Stone .
He was diagnosed with paranoid @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dropped out of high school , went on disability , and was admitted to a group home at age 18 .
Restless and lonely , he desperately clawed at increasingly extreme ways to fill the emptiness inside .
As he reached his 20s , he began drifting all over the world , becoming addicted to plastic surgery and leapfrogging from male model to male prostitute to gay porn actor , morphing his identity and country of origin and backstory at will .
He repeatedly failed in his auditions to become a reality-TV star @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Makes Perfect .
In 2005 , he faced allegations of sexual assault after befriending a 21-year-old woman with the mental capacity of a minor .
He was able to elude rape charges but was convicted of fraud after using the woman to apply for a credit card and then racking up $ 10,000 in unpaid charges .
His defense lawyer presented evidence that he suffered from “ significant psychiatric issues.
” He was sentenced to nine months of community service and a year of probation .
During sentencing , the judge told him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Barbie dolls , in early 2006 he started dating a “ transgendered woman ” named “ Barbie ” who dumped him after a couple months after realizing that other people weren ’ t real to him .
Barbie told an interviewer that he was cold , not interested in giving or receiving affection , fixated on serial killers , and CONSTANTLY creating hype and reading about himself online : In August 2006 , Eric Newman legally changed his name to Luka Magnotta , swiping the “ Magnotta ” moniker from a popular Ontario @ @ @ @ @ @ @ presence , creating what investigators estimate are about 20 websites and 70 social-media profiles about himself , Photoshopping his own head onto pictures of others in glamorous locals such as London , LA , and Miami .
It was all fake .
There was no real-life fame .
But the man who had recently christened himself Luka Magnotta didn ’ t need real life when he had the internet .
In 2007 he started spreading rumors that he was dating infamous Canadian serial killer Karla Homolka , only to subsequently contact news reports @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that he didn ’ t know why his “ stalker ” was antagonizing him .
Still , it wasn ’ t enough attention .
After an alleged gang rape in Miami which left him hospitalized , Magnotta relocated to New York and took a deep dive into darkness .
In late 2010 , an anonymous person—Magnotta , of course—started posting everywhere asking people if they ’ d seen a video called 1 boy 2 kittens .
After creating the hype , he posted the video .
It shows a man , his face @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ziploc bag and suffocating them to death with a vacuum cleaner .
It got him more attention than anything else ever had in his sick , lonely life .
A private Facebook group of animal-rights activists began the manhunt for the killer .
Magnotta taunted them , revealing that the perpetrator was someone named “ Luka Magnotta.
” He was so desperate for attention that he didn ’ t mind incriminating himself .
After all , what is attention worth if you ’ re getting it anonymously ?
Constantly starved for more and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more animal-murder videos such as Python Christmas , in which a snake devours a live kitten .
Then he flew to London simply to deny to a reporter for The Sun that he was the cat-killer .
After interviewing Magnotta in person , reporter Alex West says Magnotta sent him the following ominous email : What kind of person is so needy for attention that they fly to London simply to deny that they ’ re a killer , then threatens that they ’ re going to take their murder spree up a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bouncing around from city to city and psychiatrist to psychiatrist , Magnotta rented an apartment in Montreal .
It was to be his last semi-permanent living space outside of a prison cell .
In May , he lured a young Chinese college student from Wuhan named Justin Lin to his apartment , where , in an apparent homage to the opening scenes in Basic Instinct , he tied him to a bed , straddled him , and stabbed him with a screwdriver modified to look like an ice pick .
Magnotta would later @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mind during the murder : Just as he ’ d done with the kitty-snuff videos , Magnotta filmed himself murdering Lin .
And just as with the cat videos , he began creating advance hype for his new film .
On May 25 , 2012 , he posted an 11-minute video titled 1 Lunatic , 1 Ice Pick to Bestgore.com .
It shows the stabbing , then a ritual dismemberment , then acts of necrophilia .
Police say a “ more extensive ” version of the video contains possible acts of cannibalism .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a suitcase , which he tossed near the apartment-building ’ s dumpster .
He mailed some of Lin ’ s body parts to Canadian grade schools and politicians—a foot here , a hand there .
Before fleeing the country , he wrote a blog post about “ How to completely disappear and never be found.
” Then he used a fake passport to fly to Europe .
The name on his passport was “ Kirk Trammel.
” Sharon Stone ’ s character in Basic Instinct was “ Catherine Trammel.
” When police searched @ @ @ @ @ @ @ message written in red ink inside his closet : Magnotta bounced from Paris to Berlin , where an international manhunt finally caught up with him at an internet café .
Multiple police apprehended him as he was glued to a computer screen , reading news stories about himself .
Magnotta freely admitted to murdering Lin but insisted he was under the spell of an abusive man named “ Manny Lopez ” whom he ’ d met while working as an escort .
In Basic Instinct , Catherine Trammel ’ s ex-boyfriend is named @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not only directed the cat-killing videos , he was watching the murder from a mobile device outside Magnotta ’ s apartment while it happened and telling Magnotta what to do next .
He said that Manny was one of the men who ’ d sexually abused him in Miami .
He claimed that over the years , Manny had stabbed him with a pencil and pen , strangled him with an electrical cord , forced him to eat worms , and made him have sex with cats and a puppy .
Magnotta ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been talking about “ Manny ” for years .
The problem is that there ’ s no evidence that this “ Manny Lopez ” ever existed .
Contradicting Magnotta ’ s claims that they were in constant phone contact on the night of the murder , phone records show the only people Magnotta was in contact with that night were his mother and sister .
It ’ s possible that Magnotta concocted the persona to deflect guilt pangs for his own deeds , a scheme which a former lawyer of Magnotta ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ same time.
” A jury found Magnotta guilty of murder and sentenced him to life in prison with a minimum of 25 years before the possibility of parole .
He seems to be having the time of his life , milking his countless pen pals for money and favors .
Pictures from his cell show a chubbier Magnotta smiling broadly in front of a Marilyn Monroe photo he ’ s tacked to his wall .
Excerpts from letters to fans in 2015 include : Magnotta seems to be perfectly happy and shows not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
And why should he ?
He ’ ll be getting attention for the rest of his life .
Thanks to the internet , he will always have legions of adoring fans .
It ’ s his dream come true .

Imagine being so empty inside that you would do anything—ANYTHING—for attention.
“Anything” includes enduring multiple plastic surgeries in your early 20s and setting up dozens of websites to post thousands of pictures of yourself to create the illusion that you’re already famous.
It involves spreading rumors that you’re dating an infamous Canadian serial killer, then appearing publicly to deny the rumors and claim that someone is “stalking” you.
And when all that manufactured attention doesn’t deliver enough of a thrill, it involves suffocating kittens to death…and filming it…and posting it online…and then naming yourself as the killer because anonymity didn’t deliver enough attention.
And then, in homage to your favorite movie Fatal Instinct, it involves tying a man to a bed and dismembering him. Taking it far beyond your favorite movie, it involves filming the entire incident, hyping it online before posting, and then posting the snuff film for the all world to see.
Then, when the police catch up with you after you’ve fled overseas, it involves being nabbed in an internet café while you’re reading news stories about yourself online.
Icily cold and robotic, Luka Magnotta is Patient Zero in the fatal virus that is social media. He is the logical end to social-media narcissism.
If he had to do the sickest things imaginable to get the attention he craved, that’s exactly what he did. He would get attention if he had to kill for it.
EARLY LIFE: LONELY BOY FROM A BROKEN HOME BECOMES OBSESSED WITH MOVIE STARS
He was born Eric Clinton Kirk Newman in 1982 to a schizophrenic father and a cruel mother in Ontario, Canada. The oldest of three children, he says his mother was a germaphobe who’d routinely lock her kids out in the cold and once let the kids’ pet rabbits freeze to death outside. His parents didn’t send him to school until sixth grade.
When his parents divorced, he went to live with his grandmother, who dressed him in girls’ clothes, slept with him, and once told him he acted like a “faggot.” He would later tell a therapist that a male cousin had routinely assaulted him sexually when he was 14. He would also confess to that therapist:
All I wanted was one person to care and love me.
As a shy, acne-plagued teen, he started hearing voices and retreated into a fantasy world where he played with dolls, pretended he was a girl, and became obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, whose soul he claimed was living inside him. He also fixated on other glamorous female movie stars, writing a school book report about Ava Gardner and Sharon Stone.
He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in his late teens. He dropped out of high school, went on disability, and was admitted to a group home at age 18.
Restless and lonely, he desperately clawed at increasingly extreme ways to fill the emptiness inside.
2004-2005: GAY MODEL, ESCORT, AND PORN STAR
As he reached his 20s, he began drifting all over the world, becoming addicted to plastic surgery and leapfrogging from male model to male prostitute to gay porn actor, morphing his identity and country of origin and backstory at will. He repeatedly failed in his auditions to become a reality-TV star on shows such as COVERguy and Plastic Makes Perfect.
In 2005, he faced allegations of sexual assault after befriending a 21-year-old woman with the mental capacity of a minor. He was able to elude rape charges but was convicted of fraud after using the woman to apply for a credit card and then racking up $10,000 in unpaid charges. His defense lawyer presented evidence that he suffered from “significant psychiatric issues.” He was sentenced to nine months of community service and a year of probation. During sentencing, the judge told him:
You have a medical problem and you need to always take medication. If you do not, your life is going to get messed up.
2006: CHANGES NAME, RELENTLESSLY SEEKS ONLINE FAME
After a youth spent playing with Barbie dolls, in early 2006 he started dating a “transgendered woman” named “Barbie” who dumped him after a couple months after realizing that other people weren’t real to him. Barbie told an interviewer that he was cold, not interested in giving or receiving affection, fixated on serial killers, and CONSTANTLY creating hype and reading about himself online:
He said he wanted to be famous one day. He would always beg me to take pictures of him….He didn’t have much [sic] friends, right, so I think I meant something to him for him to—you know, he lived his life mainly online, on the internet…
In August 2006, Eric Newman legally changed his name to Luka Magnotta, swiping the “Magnotta” moniker from a popular Ontario vineyard. He also escalated his social-media presence, creating what investigators estimate are about 20 websites and 70 social-media profiles about himself, Photoshopping his own head onto pictures of others in glamorous locals such as London, LA, and Miami.
It was all fake. There was no real-life fame. But the man who had recently christened himself Luka Magnotta didn’t need real life when he had the internet.
In 2007 he started spreading rumors that he was dating infamous Canadian serial killer Karla Homolka, only to subsequently contact news reports to deny the rumors and helplessly lament that he didn’t know why his “stalker” was antagonizing him.
Still, it wasn’t enough attention.
2010: THE VACUUM KITTEN KILLER
After an alleged gang rape in Miami which left him hospitalized, Magnotta relocated to New York and took a deep dive into darkness.
In late 2010, an anonymous person—Magnotta, of course—started posting everywhere asking people if they’d seen a video called 1 boy 2 kittens.
After creating the hype, he posted the video. It shows a man, his face blurred, stuffing two kittens into a Ziploc bag and suffocating them to death with a vacuum cleaner.
It got him more attention than anything else ever had in his sick, lonely life.
A private Facebook group of animal-rights activists began the manhunt for the killer. Magnotta taunted them, revealing that the perpetrator was someone named “Luka Magnotta.”
He was so desperate for attention that he didn’t mind incriminating himself. After all, what is attention worth if you’re getting it anonymously?
Constantly starved for more and more of the spotlight, he posted more animal-murder videos such as Python Christmas, in which a snake devours a live kitten.
Then he flew to London simply to deny to a reporter for The Sun that he was the cat-killer. After interviewing Magnotta in person, reporter Alex West says Magnotta sent him the following ominous email:
This time, however, the victims won’t be small animals. I will, however, send you a copy of the new video I’m going to be making….You see, killing is different then [sic] smoking…with smoking you can actually quit.
What kind of person is so needy for attention that they fly to London simply to deny that they’re a killer, then threatens that they’re going to take their murder spree up a notch?
Rhetorical question, of course.
2011: 1 LUNATIC, 1 ICE PICK
In early 2011, after bouncing around from city to city and psychiatrist to psychiatrist, Magnotta rented an apartment in Montreal. It was to be his last semi-permanent living space outside of a prison cell.
In May, he lured a young Chinese college student from Wuhan named Justin Lin to his apartment, where, in an apparent homage to the opening scenes in Basic Instinct, he tied him to a bed, straddled him, and stabbed him with a screwdriver modified to look like an ice pick.
Magnotta would later tell a psychiatrist about his state of mind during the murder:
I don’t remember what was happening. It was like a blackout. I remember feeling wet, hearing (voices) saying, ‘cut it’….In my head, he was an agent, I was hearing static, being very afraid that he poisoned me and that is why I was feeling sick….It was like having someone inside of me taking over, like a spirit inside me; at times my body slowed down like someone making me walk and talk slow and then turning my mind slow and speeding up.
Just as he’d done with the kitty-snuff videos, Magnotta filmed himself murdering Lin. And just as with the cat videos, he began creating advance hype for his new film. On May 25, 2012, he posted an 11-minute video titled 1 Lunatic, 1 Ice Pick to Bestgore.com. It shows the stabbing, then a ritual dismemberment, then acts of necrophilia. Police say a “more extensive” version of the video contains possible acts of cannibalism.
Magnotta stuffed Lin’s torso into a suitcase, which he tossed near the apartment-building’s dumpster. He mailed some of Lin’s body parts to Canadian grade schools and politicians—a foot here, a hand there.
Before fleeing the country, he wrote a blog post about “How to completely disappear and never be found.” Then he used a fake passport to fly to Europe. The name on his passport was “Kirk Trammel.” Sharon Stone’s character in Basic Instinct was “Catherine Trammel.”
When police searched his apartment, they found the following message written in red ink inside his closet:
Magnotta bounced from Paris to Berlin, where an international manhunt finally caught up with him at an internet café. Multiple police apprehended him as he was glued to a computer screen, reading news stories about himself.
THE MYSTERIOUS “MANNY LOPEZ”
Magnotta freely admitted to murdering Lin but insisted he was under the spell of an abusive man named “Manny Lopez” whom he’d met while working as an escort.
In Basic Instinct, Catherine Trammel’s ex-boyfriend is named Manny Vásquez.
Magnotta says that Lopez not only directed the cat-killing videos, he was watching the murder from a mobile device outside Magnotta’s apartment while it happened and telling Magnotta what to do next.
He said that Manny was one of the men who’d sexually abused him in Miami. He claimed that over the years, Manny had stabbed him with a pencil and pen, strangled him with an electrical cord, forced him to eat worms, and made him have sex with cats and a puppy.
Magnotta’s mother confirmed that he’d been talking about “Manny” for years.
The problem is that there’s no evidence that this “Manny Lopez” ever existed. Contradicting Magnotta’s claims that they were in constant phone contact on the night of the murder, phone records show the only people Magnotta was in contact with that night were his mother and sister.
It’s possible that Magnotta concocted the persona to deflect guilt pangs for his own deeds, a scheme which a former lawyer of Magnotta’s calls “psychotic and brilliant at the same time.”
PRISON LIFE: PIZZA PARTIES AND FACIALS
A jury found Magnotta guilty of murder and sentenced him to life in prison with a minimum of 25 years before the possibility of parole.
He seems to be having the time of his life, milking his countless pen pals for money and favors. Pictures from his cell show a chubbier Magnotta smiling broadly in front of a Marilyn Monroe photo he’s tacked to his wall.
Excerpts from letters to fans in 2015 include:
I just bought Celine Dion’s album and a lot of others. I have a stereo and a portable for when I suntan outside.
The food here is really, really good and they serve a lot. The Italian is the best. I also love the ice cream….So, all this chocolate for Valentines Day is ruining my diet. lol. These fucking assholes said they would add Ferrero Rocher and they didn’t. They just want all their choices on the canteen. Some people are so fucking selfish it piss’s [sic] me off….I went outside and played in the snow today and made a little snowman. lol. I know it’s juvenile, but it’s still fun. Same with snowball fights. hahaha. Thankfully we have hot chocolate here.
I’m watching a documentary on Princess Diana….Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so am I lol. You are too, sexy. I wonder what it would be like to be fucked by one of the Royal family?…I bet Will and Harry know just how to use their crown jewels lol.
I really hope you’ll be able to make it in July to the little cottage here. I’ll fill out the form and put you on the list. I’ll go shopping for the food and movies. We have movie channels and movie night here, so I can get any title. Just don’t getting any ideas about raping me lol … I just watched an interview with [Captain America actor] Chris Evans, he’s so fucking hot, I would tap that as so awesome lol Channing Tatum was/is so hot in the Magic Mike Films have you seen him?
I’m really enjoy playing hockey and tennis and I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m looking forward to next month when the volleyball nets outside will be put up. I’ve always been an amazing player. We have a nice gym here too for exercising. Its [sic] really important to getting the results I want. I spent 2 hours playing sports, one hour exercising and at night I go outside for a walk in the garden. The lilacs are my favourite.
Magnotta seems to be perfectly happy and shows not a wisp of remorse for his crimes.
And why should he? He’ll be getting attention for the rest of his life. Thanks to the internet, he will always have legions of adoring fans. It’s his dream come true.


thoughtcatalog--2020-03-10--Being Petty About Your Past Makes You Look Worse Than Anyone Else

There is a difference between being hurt by the past , and being petty about the past .
There is a difference between shedding light on wrongdoing , and poking fun at what you now perceive to be beneath you .
One is an honest way to heal , and to move forward .
The other is a thin veil over a bruised ego .
The honest truth is that when you are petty about the things that didn ’ t go the way you ’ d hoped in your life — first jobs , almost relationships , and so @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much worse than anyone you think you ’ re insulting .
Life disappoints us all in some way , at some point .
This happens in more rapid succession at the start of our adult lives , and our bitterness about it tends to peak a few years afterwards .
We look back at the opportunities we wish we hadn ’ t taken , the mistakes we now realize we ’ d made , the people we invested in , the things we cared about .
It ’ s easier to mock them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s easier to paint them in a bad light than to risk someone else judging us for our missteps .
Being petty about the past does not make us appear as though we are over it , or above it .
It has the opposite effect entirely .
Judging another person will never say more about them than it does about us .
It is so much more effective to extract wisdom from the situation , learn the lesson , and move forward .
It is so much more effective to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ new life in the aftermath .
It is so much more effective to prove that we have grown from the past than to hint that we ’ re still not over it .
Airing your dirty laundry , especially for everyone to see , doesn ’ t help you clean it up .
It doesn ’ t allow you to move on .
It proves that you ’ re still the same person you were when you made the mistakes initially .
It proves that you ’ re someone who is so embarrassed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but to put it down .
All you ’ re doing is putting yourself down in the process .
If you had an experience you need to speak out about — do that if you have a good reason to .
If you had an experience that you need to get closure on — get it in private .
If you had an experience that you need to vent about — share it with your close friends .
Please stop thinking that every person who rejected you is a loser , every poor @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s fault , that everything you couldn ’ t succeed at is fundamentally flawed .
Please stop thinking that being petty about your past is making you look like you went through a glow up and have clarity now .
All it does is make you look like you tripped and never really got up .

There is a difference between being hurt by the past, and being petty about the past.
There is a difference between shedding light on wrongdoing, and poking fun at what you now perceive to be beneath you.
One is an honest way to heal, and to move forward.
The other is a thin veil over a bruised ego.
The honest truth is that when you are petty about the things that didn’t go the way you’d hoped in your life — first jobs, almost relationships, and so on — you make yourself look so much worse than anyone you think you’re insulting.
Life disappoints us all in some way, at some point.
This happens in more rapid succession at the start of our adult lives, and our bitterness about it tends to peak a few years afterwards.
We look back at the opportunities we wish we hadn’t taken, the mistakes we now realize we’d made, the people we invested in, the things we cared about.
It’s easier to mock them than to take responsibility for them.
It’s easier to paint them in a bad light than to risk someone else judging us for our missteps.
Being petty about the past does not make us appear as though we are over it, or above it. It has the opposite effect entirely.
Judging another person will never say more about them than it does about us.
It is so much more effective to extract wisdom from the situation, learn the lesson, and move forward.
It is so much more effective to let go, and build a great new life in the aftermath.
It is so much more effective to prove that we have grown from the past than to hint that we’re still not over it.
Airing your dirty laundry, especially for everyone to see, doesn’t help you clean it up.
It doesn’t allow you to move on.
It proves that you’re still the same person you were when you made the mistakes initially. It proves that you’re someone who is so embarrassed by the past there is no option but to put it down.
All you’re doing is putting yourself down in the process.
If you had an experience you need to speak out about — do that if you have a good reason to. If you had an experience that you need to get closure on — get it in private. If you had an experience that you need to vent about — share it with your close friends.
Please stop thinking that every person who rejected you is a loser, every poor decision you made was really someone else’s fault, that everything you couldn’t succeed at is fundamentally flawed.
Please stop thinking that being petty about your past is making you look like you went through a glow up and have clarity now.
All it does is make you look like you tripped and never really got up.