thepoke--2020-08-07--Donald Trump’s car crash interview makes more sense when he’s replaced with ‘Liza Minnelli’

The absolutely brilliant Sooz Kempner has given us the weirdest version yet of Donald Trump ‘ s disastrous – from @ @ @ @ @ interview with Jonathan Swan .
Step aside , Sooz – here comes Liza Minnelli .
@ @ @ @ @ version on Twitter , where people quite rightly loved it .
It says a lot @ @ @ @ @ from Luke feels right .
That ’ s ‘ Donald ’ with a D , @ @ @ @ @ an R , ’ cause Ronald with an R is a clown .
Oh !
@ @ @ @ @ interviewing Donald Trump is eye-wateringly funny

Videos
The absolutely brilliant Sooz Kempner has given us the weirdest version yet of Donald Trump‘s disastrous – from his point of view – interview with Jonathan Swan.
Step aside, Sooz – here comes Liza Minnelli.
She shared a slightly shorter version on Twitter, where people quite rightly loved it.
Sooz does the exact script of Trump's interview but as Liza Minelli and it is very funny. @SoozUK https://t.co/SFV6zsYy5f — Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) August 5, 2020
This is my brilliant friend Sooz. Like @RandyRainbow, she's been getting me through these trying months with laughter & catharsis. And she's the only person who could get me to listen to this painfully hilarious dialogue again.
Please watch & enjoy! https://t.co/XNOkXgLUJr — Christina Bianco (@XtinaBianco1) August 5, 2020
Oh my gosh, I love you Sooz x — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) August 5, 2020
I never knew I needed this but GOD I NEEDED THIS. — Rosie Holt (@RosieisaHolt) August 4, 2020
It says a lot about Trump that this comment from Luke feels right.
It sounds much less unhinged coming from Liza. That's a worry. — Luke 🌈⚰💃 (@cubluke) August 5, 2020
That’s ‘Donald’ with a D, not ‘Ronald’ with an R, ’cause Ronald with an R is a clown. Oh!
READ MORE
This video of Donald Trump interviewing Donald Trump is eye-wateringly funny
Source Sooz Kempner Image Sooz Kempner


thepoke--2020-08-07--An anti-masker left his server a petty message and a terrible tip

A waitress has shared a photo of the message left for her by an anti-mask customer , along with his incredibly low tip .
Ali Siverhus posted this on her social media accounts .
Ali explained that she was wearing a mask when she took the man ’ s order , in accordance with city mandates in Lincoln , Nebraska , where she works .
Customers aren ’ t even required to wear masks , so she was baffled by his attitude .
She added this message for the guy who left the note : “ I hope your son @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and doesn ’ t turn into the piece of shit you are.
” “ I hope you never come back and if you do none of the servers will want to serve you or waste their time giving you anything beyond adequate service.
” A man claiming to be the customer , Rex Shroeder , contacted a news outlet to insist he had added $ 10 in cash , although restaurant security footage shows that he didn ’ t – and Shroeder may not even be the man involved .
Here are a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anti-masker ’ s behaviour .
Someone named Gene may have hit the nail on the head .
An “ anti-masker ’ s ” rant about a barista earned him almost $ 90k in “ tips ”

Weird World
A waitress has shared a photo of the message left for her by an anti-mask customer, along with his incredibly low tip. Ali Siverhus posted this on her social media accounts.
Ali explained that she was wearing a mask when she took the man’s order, in accordance with city mandates in Lincoln, Nebraska, where she works.
Customers aren’t even required to wear masks, so she was baffled by his attitude.
“How is me wearing a mask affecting this man?“
She added this message for the guy who left the note:
“I hope your son didn’t see you do this and doesn’t turn into the piece of shit you are.” “I hope you never come back and if you do none of the servers will want to serve you or waste their time giving you anything beyond adequate service.”
A man claiming to be the customer, Rex Shroeder, contacted a news outlet to insist he had added $10 in cash, although restaurant security footage shows that he didn’t – and Shroeder may not even be the man involved.
Here are a few things Twitter users said about the anti-masker’s behaviour.
I would hope the restaurant owner or manager reached out to this customer and invited them to never eat at their restaurant ever again. — OmaJen (@elmax21) August 5, 2020
“Get rid of masks, tips will be bigger,” says the angry redneck complaining about the economy struggling, as he/she underpays an essential worker. — Matt Dula (@MattDula17) August 6, 2020
Here is a Tip: You don't punish the server for bad food or restaurant policy. You tip based on the performance of the server. — Dick Roosa (@deanross45) August 4, 2020
Someone named Gene may have hit the nail on the head.
Trust me when the masks come off he'll still be cheap! — Gene (@GeneT1955) August 5, 2020
READ MORE
An “anti-masker’s” rant about a barista earned him almost $90k in “tips”
Source Daily Dot Image Daily Dot, @bimoluki02 on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-07--The only 5 brutal responses you need to Nigel Farage complaining about refugees visiting Anfield

Remember when Nigel Farage campaigned on the back of not being a career politician despite having been a politician for @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s fair to say he has a different job now , and that @ @ @ @ @ about refugees – or “ illegal migrants ” , as the seven-time general election loser @ @ @ @ @ after being ridiculed for his footage of an “ invasion ” on the Kent coast @ @ @ @ @ of himself complaining about *checks notes* a charity day out to Anfield Stadium for refugees @ @ @ @ @ as savage as we ’ ve seen , and these five show the strength of @ @ @ @ @ the responses , it ’ s clear that refugees are afforded a warm welcome to @ @ @ @ @ Nigel Farage posted a video of ‘ migrants ’ landing in Kent – only 5 @ @ @

Twitter
Remember when Nigel Farage campaigned on the back of not being a career politician despite having been a politician for actual decades?
Well, it’s fair to say he has a different job now, and that’s making Partridgesque videos about refugees – or “illegal migrants”, as the seven-time general election loser calls them.
Just hours after being ridiculed for his footage of an “invasion” on the Kent coast, he shared this clip of himself complaining about *checks notes* a charity day out to Anfield Stadium for refugees.
First it was a taxi service into Dover. Then it was free coaches and Four Star Hotels. Now it’s guided tours of Anfield Stadium for illegal migrants. When will this madness end? pic.twitter.com/OR0pHya9z2 — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) August 6, 2020
The takedowns were about as savage as we’ve seen, and these five show the strength of feeling.
1.
Refugees are welcome at Anfield. You’re not. You scrotom-faced gobshite. https://t.co/9su9ccPphM — Adam Rowe (@adamrowecomedy) August 6, 2020
2.
This arsehole fucked off to America to sit in a car park, during a global pandemic. He said he was broke whilst freeloading off Aaron Banks. He formed a pact with a holocaust denier to keep leeching EU funds. He set up a PLC and robbed his donors. Hypocritical twat. https://t.co/EnUfzVuAis — Skew Spew Barmy Hairdo Cut-throat Bigot And Smug (@SkewSpew) August 6, 2020
3.
4.
Can we start a fund to pay for every asylum seeker a free trip to Thorpe Park, just to wind this frog-faced septic nazi into a heart attack? https://t.co/jTShT9f1MV — Enough Of That Now (@AndyGilder) August 6, 2020
5.
Hark the disordered and diseased bigoted mind of the incorrigible Little Englander. From Trump's gold elevator to a rowing boat and camera phone in the English Channel. Farage should come stamped with a public health warning. https://t.co/q6TcsS5l7K — John Wight (@JohnWight1) August 6, 2020
One person added insult to injury.
Your statue for services to the UK is nearly ready pic.twitter.com/fKy5T3vfJb — 👀lookeyhere (@lookeyhere4) August 6, 2020
From most of the responses, it’s clear that refugees are afforded a warm welcome to Liverpool – unlike racists.
The people of Liverpool pushing EDL back to the train station whilst the Benny Hill theme tune plays on a PA. video by David Wood pic.twitter.com/CVoPAneBm3 — IndependentLiverpool (@IndpndtLiv) June 3, 2017
READ MORE
Nigel Farage posted a video of ‘migrants’ landing in Kent – only 5 responses you need
Source Nigel Farage Image Nigel Farage


thepoke--2020-08-07--Simply 13 funny captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson having his temperature checked

We asked you for your captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson having his temperature taken … … @ @ @ @ @ disappoint .
Here are our favourites ( along with some others we spotted along the @ @ @

Pics
We asked you for your captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson having his temperature taken …
… and you didn’t disappoint. Here are our favourites (along with some others we spotted along the way).
1.
“Julie knew if it wasn’t a clean kill, she would need to save the last bullet, to turn the gun on herself. They wouldn’t take her alive” pic.twitter.com/cbeF9PtQlb — Jamie Allerton (@JayAllerton) August 6, 2020
2.
Government announces there is still no test for stupid. https://t.co/Wc2vF74NNJ — Jolyon Rubinstein (@JolyonRubs) August 7, 2020
3.
"Scanner's no workin'.
Need a price check for a useless cunt" pic.twitter.com/2ACsTMk8ya — joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 6, 2020
4.
This is actually the only way to defend yourself from being impregnated by him pic.twitter.com/FjMp2iNruL — Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) August 6, 2020
5.
“Completely empty. Proceed…” — Ray Armfield (@KentWomble) August 7, 2020
6.
‘no I’ve been scanning for 20 minutes and it’s not picking up any activity at all, can I stop now, my arm is getting sore’ — Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) August 7, 2020
7.
Bar-code must be funny…..the price keeps coming up in roubles…. https://t.co/XAQTyYIyeP — (Social) Liberal Leigh 🕷 🇪🇺 #FBPE 🔶 (@Liberal_Leigh) August 7, 2020
8.
9.
Set phasers to “kill” — FlakMagnet 💙 WEAR A FRICKIN' MASK #3.5% (@Flakmagnet1) August 7, 2020
10.
I don't understand British politics so don't yell at me for this https://t.co/kaJK1zEGQ2 pic.twitter.com/umMow06IFS — Woke Mayo (@WokeMayo) August 7, 2020
11.
She laughed as the new lie detector started reading off the scale. — Russell (@Bluekangaroo21) August 7, 2020
12.
You’d be better off pointing it at his dick pic.twitter.com/rPdh6WIS42 — James Serafinowicz (@flidby) August 6, 2020
13.
"OK, that's a sixpack of beer, a jar of pickles and one national embarrassment. Do you want a bag?" https://t.co/tsJhK3ZG4r — Gregor Schwayer (@gremisch) August 7, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 17 funny photoshops of Donald Trump holding a Bible outside church
Source Twitter


thepoke--2020-08-07--I’m a Celeb will take place in a UK castle and Dave had the very best suggestion

This year ’ s I ’ m A Celebrity , Get Me Out of Here !
won ’ t be @ @ @ @ @ for reasons we presumably don ’ t need to go into , but in a @ @ @ @ @ UK .
And it got people thinking what the Bushtucker trials might be .
There @ @ @ @ @ … … but this was surely the best .
Caitlin Moran ’ s commentary made @ @ @ @ @ story even better

Twitter
This year’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! won’t be taking place in Australia, for reasons we presumably don’t need to go into, but in a ruined castle somewhere in the UK.
It's official – I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! is moving to the UK for 2020! Ant and Dec will be hosting the show, live every night from a ruined castle in the countryside. Who would you like to see in the new series? pic.twitter.com/jjM6eiAGxq — This Morning (@thismorning) August 7, 2020
And it got people thinking what the Bushtucker trials might be.
There was no shortage of suggestions …
I’m A Celeb will be taking place in the UK this year. Bushtucker trials will include who can queue for the longest at Asda, having to shoo a moth out of a bedroom & instead of skydiving from a helicopter, they face the horrific prospect of going on the northern line in rush hour — Tony Shepherd (@tonysheps) August 7, 2020
https://twitter.com/NickBrightDJ/status/1291674869957042176?s=20
I cannot wait for the Bush tucker trial where they have survive the night in Coventry city centre #IMACELEB — Luke Nason (@LukeNason) August 7, 2020
Looking forward to seeing what animals they use, they just aren’t as exciting over here. A house spider, maybe a scauldy dog or two and thousands upon thousands of rats. https://t.co/kW0Oe13iHt — Michael Fry (@BigDirtyFry) August 7, 2020
What's next? Love Island: Butlins? — Nikki 🌹 (@Kale_eesi) August 7, 2020
… but this was surely the best.
.@ITV We've seen that the new I'm A Celeb will take place in a UK castle. If the first challenge isn't to drive to the castle to test your eye sight then you've really missed a trick. — Dave (@davechannel) August 7, 2020
BREAKING …
First #ImACeleb contestant sets off with their essentials for a trip to a castle pic.twitter.com/PeGeFFGT2k — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) August 7, 2020
READ MORE
Caitlin Moran’s commentary made today’s best news story even better
Source @davechannel Image ITV


thepoke--2020-08-08--Presumably this driver also thinks the combustion engine is a myth

It ’ s conspiracy theorist of the week time and … we have a winner !
It was shared by @ @ @ @ @ Idiots in cars ’ and , well , have a look for yourself .
Took @ @ @ @ @ long to work out that ISS is the International Space Station and not ISIS spelt @ @ @ @ @ related was this .
I finally spotted one in the wild , ’ said DigitalJackal2 @ @ @ @ @ perfect response for anti-maskers

Pics
It’s conspiracy theorist of the week time and … we have a winner!
It was shared by Hornsen in the subReddit ‘Idiots in cars’ and, well, have a look for yourself.
Took us a little bit too long to work out that ISS is the International Space Station and not ISIS spelt wrong.
‘Imagine being stupid and imagine being stupid AND feeling the urge announcing it to the world. That’s two kinds of stupid.’ Max-_-Power
And separate but related was this.
I finally spotted one in the wild,’ said DigitalJackal2.
READ MORE
This shop had the perfect response for anti-maskers
Source Reddit u/Hornsen


thepoke--2020-08-08--This shop had the perfect response for anti-maskers

We ’ ve seen some good shop signs aimed at people who refuse to wear a face mask in these @ @ @ @ @ one is right up there with the best .
These ones were pretty good too @ @ @ @ @ most brilliantly savage takedowns of ‘ anti-maskers ’

Pics
We’ve seen some good shop signs aimed at people who refuse to wear a face mask in these exceptional times, and this one is right up there with the best.
‘You’re an idiot’
These ones were pretty good too.
READ MORE
Simply 10 of the most brilliantly savage takedowns of ‘anti-maskers’
Source Reddit u/hifighost Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-08-09--People have been having a good old moan about the heat – the 17 hottest takes

The UK and Ireland ( and Siberia and Scandinavia and everywhere else ) have been experiencing heatwaves recently , and @ @ @ @ @ demands …by complaining .
These are some of the funniest hot weather jokes we ’ @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
The UK and Ireland (and Siberia and Scandinavia and everywhere else) have been experiencing heatwaves recently, and dealing with it as tradition demands …by complaining.
These are some of the funniest hot weather jokes we’ve seen so far.
1.
Dripping sweat on me tapestry here like Anne Boleyn waiting for her nut to be chopped off. — kath 🙀😷❄🇪🇺✊🏾 (@KathyBurke) August 8, 2020
2.
Real talk: if you enjoy this weather you are a psychopath — Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) July 30, 2020
3.
I hope this weather fucks off soon and takes all these attractive women with it – I think I've given myself a hernia holding my gut in all afternoon. — Geraint (@geraintgriffith) July 31, 2020
4.
UK CAT ADVISORY: It’s stupidly hot, so find the coolest place in the house and refuse to move until Winter. — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) August 7, 2020
5.
If you are telling the “a cup of tea actually regulates your temperature on a hot day” fact to anyone other than a newborn baby I can promise you they already know. — Sarah Keyworth (@sarahkcomedy) July 31, 2020
6.
‘Oppressive.’ The word Brits use about the weather when it gets above 19C — Chris Mason (@ChrisMasonBBC) August 8, 2020
7.
36C in London today. I don't trust weather that's also a bra size. — Lauren Laverne (@laurenlaverne) August 7, 2020
8.
I envy Prince Andrew on nights like this, laying in bed dry as a bone. — MostDeaf (@SnoozeActive) August 7, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-08-09--Simply the funniest parody of anti-mask conspiracy theories you’ll see today

Over on Twitter , RealJesusChrysler aka Captain Clorox shared what must be the best pisstake of anti-mask scaremongering we ’ @ @ @ @ @ started .
Most people appreciated the hilarious and obvious parody .
But some seemed to @ @ @ @ @ Too seriously .
What gave the game away ?
The cat food or the drill @ @ @ @ @ shopping hour for anti-maskers – the only 5 reactions you need to read

Videos
Over on Twitter, RealJesusChrysler aka Captain Clorox shared what must be the best pisstake of anti-mask scaremongering we’ve seen since the pandemic started.
Watch to the end.
Doctors do NOT want you to see this! pic.twitter.com/evlRVoLEkK — RealJesusChrysler aka Captain Clorox (@ChryslerReal) August 7, 2020
Most people appreciated the hilarious and obvious parody.
The real truth about the masks.
(This might be faked, though, I'm not sure.) pic.twitter.com/xno19A4bee — Strictly BLM (@christoq) August 6, 2020
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) August 7, 2020
I wondered why I could smell cat food in my mask when I was treating patients the other day. And also totally explains why it's so bulky at the front. I thought it was just my big nose so I feel waaaay better now. — Eileen (@dordy85) August 6, 2020
I found a chip in my mask the other day! I mean, I was eating chips at the time but I don't really trust any kind of chips rn. — Josephine (@Snogbird) August 7, 2020
Another pro tip. If you wear your mask upside down it reverses the polarity of the antenna and allows you to spy on the government — Buck Fradley (@BuckFradley) August 7, 2020
But some seemed to take it more seriously. Too seriously.
This is FAKE! — fed up (@Rentmaker1969) August 6, 2020
Lmao so fake you can clearly see him digging in deep for that somewhere else 😂 — lc.lucy (@Luceroaavila) August 7, 2020
That is so phony. — . (@Nancy31Suh) August 6, 2020
As Natallee Kae remarked,
The amount of people that thought that they were some genius by pointing out this was fake… — Natallee Kae (@_Kontronat_) August 7, 2020
What gave the game away? The cat food or the drill?
READ MORE
Ann Widdecombe wants a shopping hour for anti-maskers – the only 5 reactions you need to read
Source @ChryslerReal Image @ChryslerReal


thepoke--2020-08-09--Priti Patel wants the Navy AND FRANCE to keep the Channel free of migrants – 9 great comebacks

Because it ’ s always a good idea to panic about a minor issue and blow it up into something @ @ @ @ @ quiet , Priti Patel has proposed a plan to prevent refugees crossing the English Channel @ @ @ @ @ the UK .
For a start , she ’ s appointed a ‘ Clandestine Channel @ @ @ @ @ not Mark Francois – and she wants the Royal Navy to patrol the world ’ @ @ @ @ @ for errant dinghies , which has been described by someone from the Ministry of Defence @ @ @ @ @ ” .
As if that weren ’ t enough , she also wants France to @ @ @ @ @ leaving Calais to head for British shores .
Anyway …here ’ s what people have @ @ @ @ @ Professor Brian Cox had this suggestion , regarding a phrase used by the Home Secretary @ @ @ @ @ a point .
Nigel Farage posted a video of ‘ migrants ’ landing in Kent @ @ @ @ @ need

Twitter
Because it’s always a good idea to panic about a minor issue and blow it up into something huge to keep Nigel Farage quiet, Priti Patel has proposed a plan to prevent refugees crossing the English Channel in small boats to reach the UK.
For a start, she’s appointed a ‘Clandestine Channel Threat Commander’ – surprisingly not Mark Francois – and she wants the Royal Navy to patrol the world’s busiest shipping lane looking for errant dinghies, which has been described by someone from the Ministry of Defence as “inappropriate and disproportionate”.
Want to know what a REAL migrant crisis IS? Struggling Lebanon has taken in 1.5 MILLION refugees from Syria. Fuck-all people have attempted the channel crossing & it's on the front pages & Priti Pathetic is talking about sending in the fucking navy! Racist, divisive bullshit. pic.twitter.com/LcS51IvdOC — GET A GRIP (@docrussjackson) August 8, 2020
When Priti Patel says she ‘wants to send in the Navy’ to stop Channel migrant crossings – what's her intention? Are warships going to fire shells at kids in rubber dinghies? Is a destroyer going to run them over? What are they going to do that the Border Force isn't? — Otto English (@Otto_English) August 7, 2020
As if that weren’t enough, she also wants France to do more to prevent migrants leaving Calais to head for British shores.
via Gfycat
Priti Patel is Delusional.Cooperation with France is the EU you Brexited You sold dumbass British #Brexit voters a lie for Control of a Sovereignty they NEVER lost You burnt bridges to get #Brexit Now you want France to help you with YOUR migrant issue 🤣🤣🤣 Get out of here! https://t.co/1HqOzO9Tsv — Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu (@SholaMos1) August 8, 2020
Anyway …here’s what people have been saying about it.
1.
“Then Priti Patel asked me to help the UK take back control of its borders…” pic.twitter.com/1tzWoROhfQ — Damon Evans (@damocrat) August 8, 2020
2.
3.
I just texted President Macron to say we need his help to stop people coming over the Channel.
No reply yet… pic.twitter.com/HQH1aEwKch — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) August 8, 2020
4.
Priti Patel is Katie Hopkins with a good credit rating pic.twitter.com/CUw3aj3Rkk — Michael Bailey (@mikebailey92) August 8, 2020
5.
Really is impressive how quickly the people who think a virus that’s killed tens of thousands is a big fuss over nothing have pivoted to shitting themselves in fear of a few asylum seeker kids arriving in a rubber dinghy — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 8, 2020
6.
Priti Patel dogwhistling: "The number of illegal small boat crossings is appalling and unacceptably high. The figures are shameful." Then going on to mourn (I paraphrase) that she can't just blow the fuckers out of the water. Shameful indeed. pic.twitter.com/1YMo4743na — Paul (@PaulOnBooks) August 8, 2020
7.
There’s only one shameful figure in this thread, and it’s not the one related to channel crossings, you grotesque mound of refined unpleasantness. https://t.co/l4aKAs9WtC — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) August 8, 2020
8.
Priti Patel: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by the British people with a sacred quest. If he will cooperate with us, he can join us in our quest for sovereignty 🇫🇷 official: Well, I'll ask 'im, but I don't think 'e'll be very keen- ‘e's already got one,you see pic.twitter.com/hN37KjxN64 — John Cotter (@John_Cotter) August 8, 2020
9.
First Iain Duncan Smith says he didn't read the Withdrawal Agreement that he told everyone to support, then Priti Patel says taking back control of our borders means asking the French to cooperate. Senior politicians should resist the urge to tweet their most stupid thoughts. — Sarah Hurst (@Life_Disrupted) August 8, 2020
Professor Brian Cox had this suggestion, regarding a phrase used by the Home Secretary.
I’m so sick of this ‘The British People’ nonsense. It’s inflammatory and divisive and also errant vacuous nonsense with no meaning in a multi-party democracy. The phrase should be banned from political discourse. https://t.co/zVW56W5qlZ — Brian Cox (@ProfBrianCox) August 8, 2020
Looks like he has a point.
I hereby declare that I am removing myself from Patel’s definition of “the British people”. https://t.co/VZr346pYDJ — Steven North (@steviecnorth) August 9, 2020
READ MORE
Nigel Farage posted a video of ‘migrants’ landing in Kent – only 5 responses you need
Image @mikebailey92, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-08-10--Turns out it sounds as scary as it looks

The sounds it makes , ’ says codallas over on Reddit .
And SOUND UP , obviously .
‘ I @ @ @ @ @ and not hungry noises.
’ razy-bird ‘ The last time this was posted , someone @ @ @ @ @ mating call , so it ’ s pretty happy.
’ S0meGuyNamedFranklyn ‘ So this camera @ @ @ @ @ ’ s 10 meters long , right ?
’ wootist ‘ Either that or it @ @ @ @ @ pro on a Floridan.
’ Z0MGbies This cat ’ s internal monologue is a very @ @ @ @ @ you own a cat )

Videos
The sounds it makes,’ says codallas over on Reddit.
And SOUND UP, obviously.
Run away! Run away!
‘I hope those are happy noises and not hungry noises.’ razy-bird ‘The last time this was posted, someone said it’s a mating call, so it’s pretty happy.’ S0meGuyNamedFranklyn
Only one question remained.
‘So this camera is on a stick that’s 10 meters long, right?’ wootist ‘Either that or it’s a headmounted go pro on a Floridan.’ Z0MGbies
READ MORE
This cat’s internal monologue is a very funny listen (especially if you own a cat)
Source Reddit u/codallas


thepoke--2020-08-10--The grim reaper turned up to this ‘back to school’ protest so they had to make another sign

The grim reaper turning up was already funny , but what makes this even better is the special sign these ‘ back to school ’ protestors made in response .
‘ Grim Reaper supporting Karens on their protest to open schools , said invertedparadoxxx who shared it on Reddit .
And just in case that sign in the middle is a little bit tricky to read … We ’ re presuming that everyone wants their children to get back to school .
Just when it ’ s totally safe for everyone , obviously .
And just a few of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It takes dedication to dress in head-to-toe Grim Reaper in Houston when average daily temperatures are 99°F ( 37.2°C ) .
’ TooShiftyForYou ‘ He should move to the left .
They ’ d have to edit the sign.
’ andbruno ‘ The thing that ’ s really infuriating me about this pic is the fact that they used a bright-ass red marker .
I could barely read that shit.
’ Red-Echidna ‘ Reaper needs another sign “ They will be with me soon enough.
” ’ CowboyLaw Simply the funniest parody of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ today

Pics
The grim reaper turning up was already funny, but what makes this even better is the special sign these ‘back to school’ protestors made in response.
‘Grim Reaper supporting Karens on their protest to open schools, said invertedparadoxxx who shared it on Reddit.
And just in case that sign in the middle is a little bit tricky to read …
‘—> they are not with us’
We’re presuming that everyone wants their children to get back to school. Just when it’s totally safe for everyone, obviously.
And just a few of the things people said about it.
‘It takes dedication to dress in head-to-toe Grim Reaper in Houston when average daily temperatures are 99°F (37.2°C).’ TooShiftyForYou ‘He should move to the left. They’d have to edit the sign.’ andbruno ‘The thing that’s really infuriating me about this pic is the fact that they used a bright-ass red marker. I could barely read that shit.’ Red-Echidna ‘Reaper needs another sign “They will be with me soon enough.”’ CowboyLaw
READ MORE
Simply the funniest parody of anti-mask conspiracy theories you’ll see today
Source Reddit u/invertedparadoxxx


thepoke--2020-08-10--A peak into the inner workings of anti-masker logic

Over on Reddit this peak into the inner workings of the minds of people who refuse to wear a face mask in these extraordinary times went viral because , well , have a read for yourself .
Although , as lots of people pointed out , it wasn ’ t long ago that people were refusing – or , at least , complaining – about having to wear a pesky seatbelt .
‘ As for the safety belt thing , my dad and I were just talking about how people did hate seatbelts and many refused to wear them .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
At least it was like that here in California.
’ _Dera_ ‘ I can bet you that every single person upset about the masks was upset about all the others too , and probably are still mad about it but gave up fighting it .
My family HATES the seatbelt law and thinks it ’ s taking away their freedom .
It ’ s just … real true stupidity.
’ SaveyourMercy ‘ I remember when people complained that seat belts were SO uncomfortable and they hated the new law .
I wasnt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a few times by the police I began wearing one regularly .
‘ Back then they werent ‘ smart enough ’ to invent an ADA card explaining why they didnt need to wear one because of private ‘ medical issues ’ , lack of comfort , or feeling trapped .
Seat belts saved lives period.
’ jjdiablo This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years ago is familiar , very familiar

Pics
Over on Reddit this peek into the inner workings of the minds of people who refuse to wear a face mask in these extraordinary times went viral because, well, have a read for yourself.
Although, as lots of people pointed out, it wasn’t long ago that people were refusing – or, at least, complaining – about having to wear a pesky seatbelt.
‘As for the safety belt thing, my dad and I were just talking about how people did hate seatbelts and many refused to wear them. That prompted click it or ticket policing. At least it was like that here in California.’ _Dera_ ‘I can bet you that every single person upset about the masks was upset about all the others too, and probably are still mad about it but gave up fighting it. My family HATES the seatbelt law and thinks it’s taking away their freedom. It’s just … real true stupidity.’ SaveyourMercy ‘I remember when people complained that seat belts were SO uncomfortable and they hated the new law. I wasnt thrilled myself , but after being hassled a few times by the police I began wearing one regularly. ‘Back then they werent ‘smart enough’ to invent an ADA card explaining why they didnt need to wear one because of private ‘medical issues’ , lack of comfort, or feeling trapped.
Seat belts saved lives period.’ jjdiablo
READ MORE
This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years ago is familiar, very familiar
Source Reddit u/Vinyl_BunBuns


thepoke--2020-08-10--Face mask sign of the day

Face mask sign of the day

Shops are becoming ever more imaginative with the signs they put up requiring customers to wear a mask .
Here @ @ @ @ @ the collection , a bar/restaurant that did this , shared by Bryles333 on Reddit .
@ @ @ @ @ .
These ones were pretty good too .
This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years @ @ @ @ @ familiar

Pics
Shops are becoming ever more imaginative with the signs they put up requiring customers to wear a mask.
Here’s another one for the collection, a bar/restaurant that did this, shared by Bryles333 on Reddit.
Add it to this lot.
‘You’re an idiot’
These ones were pretty good too.
READ MORE
This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years ago is familiar, very familiar
Source Reddit u/Bryles333


thepoke--2020-08-10--This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years ago is familiar, very familiar

These recommendations to help people tackle ( and avoid ) the Spanish Flu from a century ago went viral because @ @ @ @ @ read of them for yourself .
‘ Spanish flu recommendations .
History repeats itself , @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter .
This shop had the perfect response for anti-maskers

Pics
These recommendations to help people tackle (and avoid) the Spanish Flu from a century ago went viral because, well, have a read of them for yourself.
‘Spanish flu recommendations. History repeats itself,’ said @TalyaVarga over on Twitter.
Familiar, very familiar.
From the same era . pic.twitter.com/nAObrpuNCK — Jυ ⒶNHN ☠ (@omicRocker) August 8, 2020
More official guidelines should contain the word 'cheerfully' — Dave Milnes (@PhotoDM) August 9, 2020
READ MORE
This shop had the perfect response for anti-maskers
Source Twitter @TalyaVarga


thepoke--2020-08-10--This YouTuber walking around Tokyo like it’s a video game is just brilliantly done

You don ’ t have to be a big gamer to enjoy this .
It ’ s a video of @ @ @ @ @ in the style of a video game and it ’ s very funny and so @ @ @ @ @ You can watch the full version here , along with the creator ’ s YouTube @ @ @ @ @ game went viral and it ’ s basically us trying to get to the end @ @ @

Videos
You don’t have to be a big gamer to enjoy this. It’s a video of a YouTuber walking around Tokyo in the style of a video game and it’s very funny and so, so well done.
This is too good. YouTuber walks around Shibuya like it’s a video game. pic.twitter.com/lMRzIk1o7O — Oliver Trenchard (@OliverTrenchard) August 5, 2020
Brilliant.
You can watch the full version here, along with the creator’s YouTube channel.
the walking is pretty impressive but the camera movement is like 100x more impressive — emta @ #ALLNIGHTER5 (@emtaart) August 6, 2020
Okay but THE CAMERAWORK??? that’s 10000% the most impressive bit — bryce (@sorryimbryce) August 6, 2020
Thats what I was thinking! The camera work is 100% critical to get right, without that perfect work it all falls apart! — All Elite 👊 (@AIIEIite) August 6, 2020
READ MORE
This fiendish video game went viral and it’s basically us trying to get to the end of the week
Source Twitter @KaoruGans0 YouTube H/T Twitter @OliverTrenchard


thepoke--2020-08-10--11 hilarious observations on pandemic life

The weekend saw the country get a lecture on morals from a man who has been sacked more than once @ @ @ @ @ t disclose how many children he has .
Luckily , he isn ’ t in @ @ @ @ @ s coronavirus response …oh !
The funny people of Twitter have had their say on @ @ @ @ @ this – *waves hand* .

Twitter
The weekend saw the country get a lecture on morals from a man who has been sacked more than once for lying and won’t disclose how many children he has.
Luckily, he isn’t in charge of the UK’s coronavirus response …oh!
The funny people of Twitter have had their say on that, and on all this – *waves hand*.
1.
MARCH COMMERCIAL: during these uncertain times, we’re thinking of you and your family AUGUST COMMERCIAL: look you might as well catch it at burger king — Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) August 5, 2020
2.
I miss eating out at restaurants so bad that I spit in my own food this afternoon. — The Masked Vuigi (@VinceSideJokes) April 18, 2020
3.
4.
Do not let them take your temperature when entering a shop. It's not a thermometer they have, it's a mind control device. I went out to buy bread and milk, but when I got home, I somehow also had bought a family size bag of M&Ms, a grab bag of Doritos and 18 cans of lager — ℍ (@hiddenliverpool) August 4, 2020
5.
BREAKING: Matt Hancok is putting new city #lockdown measures up on Ceefax. Will get the page number as soon as I can source an old telly — dave ❄ (@davemacladd) August 7, 2020
6.
7.
Does it happen every 400 years? pic.twitter.com/rYc1Z2VmTV — Schubert's World (@HerbertSchuber2) August 8, 2020
8.
Them: "If you all stay inside for a couple of months, it'll give us time to figure this out."
Us: "Ok!" 5 months later: Us: "We did our part. How's it going?"
Them: "Great! We've made "anti-masker" a political identity, opened the schools & hobbled the post office."
Us: "…" — Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) August 6, 2020
9.
Feels like a good year for the earth to take up smoking. https://t.co/e881tixTdK — Kashana (@kashanacauley) August 6, 2020
10.
When this is all over, I’m wearing runway looks to the coffee shop and full on red carpet looks to the bar. — Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 5, 2020
11.
I have to say, the story about Liz Truss bunging one of her mates tens of millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money for masks we can’t fucking use has really shocked me. Honestly didn’t think she was intelligent enough to do a corruption. —  Max  (@SpillerOfTea) August 6, 2020
READ MORE
Top 10 funny takes on the coronavirus crisis
Image @sizzzikova and @yusufevli on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-10--Piers Morgan said no-one changes their mind anymore and James O’Brien’s comeback was perfect

Here ’ s Piers Morgan bemoaning how tribal the country has become .
So much so , in fact , @ @ @ @ @ s going to change their mind on Brexit , Covid-19 – in fact , pretty @ @ @ @ @ how hard people argue their case .
And James O ’ Brien had the perfect @ @ @ @ @ t leave it there but by then it was a bit too late .
Boris @ @ @ @ @ care home owners over Covid-19 so James O ’ Brien did this and it ’ @ @

Twitter
Here’s Piers Morgan bemoaning how tribal the country has become.
So much so, in fact, that he reckons no-one’s going to change their mind on Brexit, Covid-19 – pretty much anything – no matter how hard people argue their case.
I’ve not met anyone who’s changed their mind on Brexit & I’m not going to meet anyone who’s changed their mind on the dangers posed by Covid-19. We’re so tribal now that facts don’t matter, all that matters is taking a position & sticking obstinately & ever more furiously to it. — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) August 7, 2020
And James O’Brien had the perfect response.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much have you changed your mind about Donald Trump's fitness to govern America? 1 – Not even a little bit
10 – I'm amazed anyone, let alone a public pontificator of my epic stature, could have been so stupid & wilfully blind. https://t.co/oFynuF8yG8 — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) August 7, 2020
Who could the LBC man possibly have had in mind?
Morgan didn’t leave it there but by then it was a bit too late.
James, as always your insufferable self-righteousness knows no bounds. You’re always right, about everything, and all the rest of us mere mortals can do is take the punishment you deservedly give us when you’re ALWAYS proven right!
Congrats mate, you’re perfect. 💋 https://t.co/Eo1z1UnhFX — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) August 7, 2020
Scale of 1 to 10, though?
It's not a trick question. https://t.co/voIX83j1IK — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) August 7, 2020
Perfect.
READ MORE
Boris Johnson said he never blamed care home owners over Covid-19 so James O’Brien did this and it’s perfect
Source @mrjamesob


thepoke--2020-08-10--Carol Kirkwood brightened up the weather forecast with a NSFW slip of the tongue – our 5 favourite r

Carol Kirkwood brightened up the weather forecast with a NSFW slip of the tongue – our 5 favourite reactions

The BBC weather presenter , Carol Kirkwood , livened up a piece to camera in London ’ s beautiful Greenwich @ @ @ @ @ of the tongue .
It ’ s got to be unusual to see lots of @ @ @ @ @ or so we ’ re told .
She took to Twitter to confirm the cause @ @ @ @ @ Twitter enjoyed the gaffe and applauded her calm demeanour .
Now , that would have @ @ @ @ @ in from the south .
This NZ minister ’ s NSFW slip-up is made even @ @ @ @ @ the pause that followed

Twitter
The BBC weather presenter, Carol Kirkwood, livened up a piece to camera in London’s beautiful Greenwich Park with a NSFW slip of the tongue.
Yet further proof that @carolkirkwood is a National Treasure pic.twitter.com/Q2uzv9mtl5 — Greg James (@gregjames) August 10, 2020
It’s got to be unusual to see lots of doggers in bright sunshine – or so we’re told.
She took to Twitter to confirm the cause of the mix up.
That will teach me to try and say joggers and dog walkers in the same sentence!!! Sorry! 😩xxx — Carol Kirkwood (@carolkirkwood) August 10, 2020
Twitter enjoyed the gaffe and applauded her calm demeanour.
1.
It’s raining cats and doggers. pic.twitter.com/PHzImvC2FC — Mr Lahididah Gunner Graham (@christlog) August 10, 2020
2.
Carol Kirkwood has seen lots of doggers in Greenwich Park this morning. 🤣🤣 #classic#BBCBreakfast pic.twitter.com/4Oh9vKUZhw — Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) August 10, 2020
3.
It was here that we took an relatively inoffensive amateur sport to 'a whole new level'. https://t.co/4nzvzATfFj — Wolfy O'Hare (@HareWolfy) August 10, 2020
4.
Let’s hope Carol Kirkwood doesn’t have to read a news item about Jeremy Hunt this morning!😂pic.twitter.com/9XUECT3rBy — Matt Bishop (@TheBishF1) August 10, 2020
5.
Sports reporter Frank Keogh joked about Carol’s slip up.
I almost called the police when I heard!!pic.twitter.com/gV8ls06K4M — Francis Keogh (@HonestFrank) August 10, 2020
Now, that would have seen a deep depression moving in from the south.
READ MORE
This NZ minister’s NSFW slip-up is made even better by the agony of the pause that followed
Source Greg James Image BBC Screengrab


thepoke--2020-08-10--The editing in this viral Nike ad is simply mind blowing

Buzzfeed writer , Spencer Althouse , shared this Nike advert on Twitter , because he was blown away by the @ @ @ @ @ too .
See for yourself .
This comment from @ cashmad is perhaps the ultimate @ @ @ @ @ the podium , Nike editor – your time has come .
This advert went viral @ @ @ @ @ bizarre and very , very funny

Videos
Buzzfeed writer, Spencer Althouse, shared this Nike advert on Twitter, because he was blown away by the editing – then we were too.
See for yourself.
can we talk about the editing in this Nike commercial holy crap pic.twitter.com/VuWj6u5PaW — Spencer Althouse (@SpencerAlthouse) July 30, 2020
Amazing or what?
Wow, goosebumps for the production on this. (Nike as a brand still has a way to go in areas of its ethical practices). https://t.co/rXGgh0TK72 — ANDREW LYNFORD (@LynfordTweets) August 6, 2020
The amount of footage they had to comb through for matching, other than any shots they setup, must have been astounding. A feat in itself. Such an amazing edit. — Brett Halladay (@Infosmercial) July 31, 2020
The video editors deserve to be paid a billion dollars Wtfffff🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/jfvko9cBiF — BAD!!!!!!!!📸💻 (@CypherDavid) August 2, 2020
Forget the emotions this is trying to convey and just focus on the technical work that went into it. Anyone who does any sort of image or video editing will tell you how hard it is to get two different things like this to fit together. https://t.co/B5pCIKwZh8 — Noam Blum (@neontaster) August 1, 2020
Whatever awards there are for commercials, just hand them all over for this one https://t.co/JVR8nztoKM — Patricia Thomas (@OfLifeFandoms) August 1, 2020
This comment from @cashmad is perhaps the ultimate accolade.
I'm an editor. I edit for a living. This hurt my brain. — cashmad (@cashmad) July 30, 2020
Step up to the podium, Nike editor – your time has come.
READ MORE
This advert went viral because it’s totally bizarre and very, very funny
Source Spencer Althouse Image Spencer Althouse


thepoke--2020-08-10--This 9-year-old’s review of Charlotte’s Web is as devastating as it is heartfelt

Historian Michael Jimenez shared his 9-year-old son Lucas ’ succinct verdict on E.B .
White ’ s classic children ’ @ @ @ @ @ s Web .
Not a hit , then .
The post went viral and picked @ @ @ @ @ , including these .
In case you were concerned Charlotte ’ s Web has put @ @ @ @ @ no more .
Amazon wouldn ’ t post this devastating book review , so we @ @ @ @

Pics
Historian Michael Jimenez shared his 9-year-old son Lucas’ succinct verdict on E.B. White’s classic children’s novel, Charlotte’s Web.
My 9yr old’s first book review, I guess pic.twitter.com/19bvN4AnVr — Michael Jimenez (@mikeets14) July 31, 2020
Not a hit, then. The post went viral and picked up a lot of comments, including these.
OMG, I have my own depressing Charlotte’s Web story from when I was around 8 or 9! I checked it out from the school library and read it and cried uncontrollably. My dad told me to stop crying and to stop reading books. I stopped reading for fun until high school! — Nancy Wang Yuen (@nancywyuen) August 1, 2020
Well said! Also, for future reference avoid Old Yeller, Where the Red Fern Grows, and the movie, Bambi. https://t.co/G8VAaBv8l8 — Kelli Russell Agodon (@KelliAgodon) August 1, 2020
I'm laugh crying. 😂 I didn't start reading for fun until I was 16/17, and I remember bawling my eyes out when I finished reading "The Old Man and the Sea." I've always felt a low-level sense of dread before reading any Hemingway since! https://t.co/II6jQ7q8ro — John Lee (@koreanforeigner) August 2, 2020
Kids don't mince their words. https://t.co/dpRa1XVst4 — B. Janine Morison 😷 (@bjaninemorison) August 2, 2020
wait until your kid reads Of Mice & Men https://t.co/KUdEjVGAEm — Kendall 💕✨ (@krofashooo) August 1, 2020
Current affairs TV presenter, Greta Van Susteren, had this prediction.
He has chosen his career early…book critic 🙂 https://t.co/sH37Ne8moK — Greta Van Susteren (@greta) August 1, 2020
In case you were concerned Charlotte’s Web has put Lucas off books, worry no more.
Wow. I didn’t expect Lucas’s review would connect. That book is depressing so that’s probably why he is reading more manga now.
I love his little heart & how he just loves to read-especially about fish ponds. — Michael Jimenez (@mikeets14) August 1, 2020
READ MORE
Amazon wouldn’t post this devastating book review, so we did it for them
Source Michael Jimenez Image Michael Jimenez, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-08-10--Boris Johnson says it’s morally indefensible to keep schools closed – the only 5 brutal takedowns yo

Boris Johnson says it’s morally indefensible to keep schools closed – the only 5 brutal takedowns you need to read

In an exclusive for the Mail on Sunday , Boris Johnson insisted that there is a “ moral duty ” @ @ @ @ @ the new term begins .
He shared the link on Twitter .
Quite a lot @ @ @ @ @ have picked his words more carefully under the circumstances .
These are the circumstances .
@ @ @ @ @ there .
Here are five responses which sum up people ’ s feelings rather well @ @ @ @ @ he ’ ll get right on it , just as soon as he gets back @ @ @ @ @ Johnson blamed care home owners for coronavirus deaths and Susie Dent ’ s tweet was @

News
In an exclusive for the Mail on Sunday, Boris Johnson insisted that there is a “moral duty” to reopen all schools when the new term begins.
He shared the link on Twitter.
Keeping our schools closed a moment longer than is absolutely necessary is socially intolerable, economically unsustainable and morally indefensible.https://t.co/9sK8lpQPsJ — Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) August 9, 2020
Quite a lot of people felt he could have picked his words more carefully under the circumstances.
These are the circumstances.
Man who cheated on his wife when she was undergoing cancer treatment lectures nation on “morally indefensible” Yeah, OK Karen. https://t.co/QYS5wsATvh — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) August 9, 2020
It didn’t end there. Here are five responses which sum up people’s feelings rather well.
1.
We must open schools and I won't listen to any pathetic excuses, like
-they don't physically have room for social distancing
-the number of infections is rising
-teachers' lives will be at risk
-ex Chief Scientist says we're nowhere near ready to open schools pic.twitter.com/sdSFOCzFt6 — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) August 9, 2020
2.
Thank you, public racism, homophobia for lolz, sacked on several occasions for lying, serial adulterer, arranged to have a journalist assaulted, hid in a fridge, couldn’t be arsed to attend COBRA meetings, undisclosed number of kids guy, for your lecture on morality. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) August 9, 2020
3.
How dare you try to guilt parents into prioritizing what’s expedient for you politically over the safety of their own children. Resign, you immoral sham. — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) August 9, 2020
4.
"morally indefensible"
From the bellend who conspired to beat up a journalist, lied to shut down parliament and fucked off with another woman while his wife was battling cancer pic.twitter.com/ATDXxnikCW — joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 9, 2020
5.
Telling lies to coverup inconvenient truths is morally indefensible too. https://t.co/VvDpV9gYS2 — Deborah Meaden (@DeborahMeaden) August 9, 2020
James O’Brien had a suggestion.
I have an idea. Make a list of all the things you’ve got right or told the truth about since you skipped five COBRA meetings & went on holiday at the beginning of the outbreak. Then we can all get a clearer idea of what you think a ‘moral duty’ is! https://t.co/xIA5HZ7mPr — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) August 9, 2020
We’re sure he’ll get right on it, just as soon as he gets back from his holiday.
READ MORE
Boris Johnson blamed care home owners for coronavirus deaths and Susie Dent’s tweet was 10/10
Source Boris Johnson Image Screengrab, @gautamarora1991 on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-10--People couldn’t believe this entitled debt repayment story was touted as inspirational

Business Insider very helpfully shared a story of how one woman got herself out of debt , clearing her $ 220,000 worth of student loans over just three years .
🌹Erica , the white trash socialist🌹™ shared the important details on Twitter , and we ’ re very grateful , because it ’ s an inspiration to us all .
Now all we have to do is go back in time and get rich , generous parents – sorted .
Twitter did not find it inspirational .
One woman , who seemed to be serious – judging by the rest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ idea that this was an inspirational tale .
She was – as the cool kids say , apparently – ratioed , but these couple of responses sum up AnnMarie American ‘ s notifications for the hours after she tweeted .
We look forward to reading her next inspirational story – ‘ How to afford a great holiday ( by being gifted a holiday ) ’ .
Best seller .
This entitled guy ’ s attempt to find a new place to live beggars belief ( the free bit is only the start )

Weird World
Business Insider very helpfully shared a story of how one woman got herself out of debt, clearing her $220,000 worth of student loans over just three years.
🌹Erica, the white trash socialist🌹™ shared the important details on Twitter, and we’re very grateful, because it’s an inspiration to us all.
This will never not be funny pic.twitter.com/IgmLi571PV — 🌹Erica, the white trash socialist🌹™ (@herosnvrdie69) August 7, 2020
Now all we have to do is go back in time and get rich, generous parents – sorted.
Twitter did not find it inspirational.
😂
If someone was to give me a free place to live and then another free place to live so I could rent out the first place, I too could get out of debt 🙄 https://t.co/stJ9N6rr76 — Sandy Hilton (@SandyHiltonPT) August 7, 2020
How I paid off my $150,000 in student loan debt in three years: -stopped eating out
-downsized apartment
-got second job delivering pizza
-found mysterious orb in the woods that grants me wishes when I touch it
-got rid of cable If I can do it anyone can — Planetbabble (@planetbabble) August 7, 2020
Privilege in a tweet https://t.co/hvq743BGLb — Ish Verduzco (@ishverduzco) August 7, 2020
The fact that this was written unironically blows my mind. https://t.co/n9IsKVCcnn — Motorboat McBedwench 🦩 (@IBFabulous) August 8, 2020
One woman, who seemed to be serious – judging by the rest of her tweets – bought into the idea that this was an inspirational tale.
perhaps you guys should read her book…I'll bet you'll find out how she did it. Not looking for a handout, Not being self-centered, Not being afraid of working hard….and being willing to drop personal space (living with others, etc.) — AnnMarie American (@AnnMarieAmerica) August 8, 2020
She was – as the cool kids say, apparently – ratioed, but these couple of responses sum up AnnMarie American‘s notifications for the hours after she tweeted.
Oh Ann Marie…. her entire plan to pay off student loan debt revolves around her parents paying off her student Loan debt — Tony Young (@youngy03) August 8, 2020
“Not looking for a handout”. Ma’am. Her mother gifted her a free condo, and she lived with her parents/grandparents for free. What is that if not a “handout”? — Kiersten (@kierstenevan) August 8, 2020
The accidentally left-wing account simply shared the woman’s completely un-self-aware words.
if i can do it, anyone can https://t.co/HnICugS412 — accidentally left-wing (@accidental_left) August 8, 2020
We look forward to reading her next inspirational story – ‘How to afford a great holiday (by being gifted a holiday)’. Best seller.
READ MORE
This entitled guy’s attempt to find a new place to live beggars belief (the free bit is only the start)
Source Business Insider H/T @herosnvrdie69 Image @herosnvrdie69, @naomisdaydreams on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-10--Toby Young’s anti-mask dating forum is all set to go viral – 19 very funny responses

Just when we thought 2020 had reached peak absurdity , Toby Young upped the ante with a dating forum on @ @ @ @ @ .
Here ’ s how he announced it .
‘ Love is never having to @ @ @ @ @ I gave you coronavirus ’ , apparently .
Needless to say , people had a @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
Just when we thought 2020 had reached peak absurdity, Toby Young upped the ante with a dating forum on his already pretty odd website.
Here’s how he announced it.
‘Love is never having to say I’m sorry I gave you coronavirus’, apparently.
Needless to say, people had a lot to say about it.
1.
ITU baby, dating that ass. https://t.co/RRMWigIYQH — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) August 9, 2020
2.
“Looking for someone with a GSOH – General Scepticism Of Handwashing.” https://t.co/xMcnjCyKjX — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 9, 2020
3.
Please join my dating app for people with relaxed attitudes to the spread of super gonorrhoea, where like minded singles – possibly with super gonorrhoea – can meet up and not worry about different attitudes towards contracting super gonorrhoea — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 9, 2020
4.
5.
siri what’s the most tragic tweet you’ve seen today pic.twitter.com/RWDw8lkGwH — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) August 9, 2020
6.
I cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of sad sausagefest that this will generate https://t.co/iCqYdSzQ4U — dan hett (@danhett) August 9, 2020
7.
Toby Young's dating profile:
Baldy misogynistic twat WLTM mask-averse nutter for racist chat and possibly more. pic.twitter.com/GZb1y96rqh — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) August 9, 2020
8.
*Files away for essay entitled 'Evolution in The Digital Age'.* https://t.co/eE7xpmD7qs — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) August 9, 2020
9.
To be honest if you are at the point where you are considering joining a dating service operated by Toby Young you should probably just shrink wrap your genitals and put up one of those ‘this is not a place of honour’ warning signs https://t.co/qV6vwILVAw — iucounu (@iucounu) August 9, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-08-10--13 favourite things people said about this picture of Boris Johnson and a bow and arrow

We asked you for your captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson and a bow and arrow .
@ @ @ @ @ favourite things people said about it , including some others we spotted along the way @ @ @ @ @ prefer your captions of the NSFW variety … Simply 13 funny captions to go with @ @ @ @ @ having his temperature checked

Pics
We asked you for your captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson and a bow and arrow.
Your Boris Johnson captions please! We’ll round up the best that hit the target #pokechallenge pic.twitter.com/9Z7hXZUpdZ — The Poke (@ThePoke) August 10, 2020
And here are our 9 favourite things people said about it, including some others we spotted along the way.
1.
Breaking News: Boris Johnson finally sticks a rubber on the end. — Tim Hoy (@C63Tim) August 10, 2020
2.
3.
4.
Johnson's trying to look bold, fearless and heroic, but nothing can hide the fact he's firing blunt arrows at the ground. A perfect Brexit Britain metaphor. pic.twitter.com/CBPGARykNI — Otto English (@Otto_English) August 10, 2020
5.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1292810040827682817?s=20
6.
7.
“What’s that sucker doing on the end of the arrow?” — Mike Grace (@ZeRootOfAllEvil) August 10, 2020
8.
Track and Trace App enters the beta testing phase. — Mel Jones (@Melfynjones1) August 10, 2020
9.
“aaaand then as long as it sticks to the person’s arse, the transmitter will send the signal, and there you have it; a world class track and trace system. There’ll be no further questions at this time. Good day.” — Hezzle (@AlexHezzle) August 10, 2020
10.
11.
Archery with Boris Johnson.
You will need:
• A bow
• An arrow
• Dominic Cummings, to move the target to wherever the arrow lands. pic.twitter.com/oul9H1Z0Sw — Andrew R (@ExcelPope) August 10, 2020
12.
Legoass. pic.twitter.com/XGMbOCCC6u — t h u m b s (@Thumbsuk) August 10, 2020
13.
Nominate de Pfeffel as Tribute https://t.co/pFZ085yeUf — trouteyes (@trouteyes) August 10, 2020
Or, if you prefer your captions of the NSFW variety …
stupid fat cunt with a shit haircut does something https://t.co/LL0rHuUsi9 — BRYN_BORANGA (@BRYN_BORANGA) August 10, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 13 funny captions to go with this picture of Boris Johnson having his temperature checked
Source Twitter


thepoke--2020-08-10--Weird TV optical illusion of the week

Weird TV optical illusion of the week

We ’ re grateful to Craig Deeley – @ craiguito on Twitter – for sharing this Coronation Street spot which @ @ @ @ @ ’ s spot on .
Took us far too long to work out what was @ @ @ @ @ walking around Tokyo like it ’ s a video game is just brilliantly done

Videos
We’re grateful to Craig Deeley – @craiguito on Twitter – for sharing this Coronation Street spot which is, well, it’s spot on.
That time I thought Ken Barlow was randomly caressing Fiona’s neck pic.twitter.com/dadd7eOnwP — Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳🌈 (@craiguito) August 6, 2020
Took us far too long to work out what was going on.
Watched that 4 times before I realised. 😆 — Andy M (@andylmo) August 6, 2020
😂😂😂 — Vince Atta (@vinceatta) August 6, 2020
This is the totally pointless irrelevant nonsense that I absolutely live for on Twitter — SHH (@samanthappyhen) August 6, 2020
READ MORE
This YouTuber walking around Tokyo like it’s a video game is just brilliantly done
Source Twitter @craiguito


thepoke--2020-08-10--A peek into the inner workings of anti-masker logic

Over on Reddit this peek into the inner workings of the minds of people who refuse to wear a face mask in these extraordinary times went viral because , well , have a read for yourself .
Although , as lots of people pointed out , it wasn ’ t long ago that people were refusing – or , at least , complaining – about having to wear a pesky seatbelt .
‘ As for the safety belt thing , my dad and I were just talking about how people did hate seatbelts and many refused to wear them .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
At least it was like that here in California.
’ _Dera_ ‘ I can bet you that every single person upset about the masks was upset about all the others too , and probably are still mad about it but gave up fighting it .
My family HATES the seatbelt law and thinks it ’ s taking away their freedom .
It ’ s just … real true stupidity.
’ SaveyourMercy ‘ I remember when people complained that seat belts were SO uncomfortable and they hated the new law .
I wasnt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a few times by the police I began wearing one regularly .
‘ Back then they werent ‘ smart enough ’ to invent an ADA card explaining why they didnt need to wear one because of private ‘ medical issues ’ , lack of comfort , or feeling trapped .
Seat belts saved lives period.
’ jjdiablo This Spanish flu guidance from 100 years ago is familiar , very familiar


thepoke--2020-08-11--This American library advert went viral because, well, have a watch for yourself

All library adverts should be like this .
It ’ s the Barbara Bush library in Harris County , Texas @ @ @ @ @ called ‘ Curbside Larry ’ .
And just a few of the things people were @ @ @ @ @ thread about working in a library went viral because it ’ s funny , passionate @ @ @ @ @

Videos
All library adverts should be like this. It’s the Barbara Bush library in Harris County, Texas and the librarian’s called ‘Curbside Larry’. And it’s brilliant.
This library ad is a triumph pic.twitter.com/fO80Zhzh3y — Jen Fulwiler (@jenfulwiler) August 9, 2020
Thing of wonder!
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
This is the best ad I’ve seen in a loonnngggg time. — Michele Pisciotta (@mqpob) August 9, 2020
This gets me real pumped on LIBRARIES! https://t.co/TYFcbO2g1m — Scott C. (@scottlava) August 10, 2020
It’s he snow angel part that won me over — Matt Jude (@TwoApostlesName) August 9, 2020
I don't know where this is, but I'm considering a move. — 🐐Tara 🐐 (@MediaRemedial) August 10, 2020
This man will singlehandedly save the US public library system. pic.twitter.com/b92zQZKcVc — jon negroni (@JonNegroni) August 11, 2020
He makes me miss going to the library.
*sniffle*
Darn you, Curbside Larry. Darn you! — 😒 Matt (@OhioCampbell) August 10, 2020
And finally …
If his name isn't actually Larry, I think the world will end. — Jane without fame (@janekorvemaker) August 9, 2020
READ MORE
This thread about working in a library went viral because it’s funny, passionate, angry and utterly lovely
Source @harriscountypl H/T @jenfulwiler


thepoke--2020-08-11--Our 12 favourite funny tweets about the coronavirus

As news emerges that the study cited by the government to support opening schools shows that teenagers transmit Covid-19 as @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t facepalm hard enough .
These people get it .
Read their funny @ @ @ @ @ and lower your blood pressure .

Twitter
As news emerges that the study cited by the government to support opening schools shows that teenagers transmit Covid-19 as much as adults, we can’t facepalm hard enough.
These people get it. Read their funny tweets, have a laugh and lower your blood pressure.
1.
brb just touching every single possession in my bag whilst trying to find my hand sanitizer — lolly (@lollyadefope) August 10, 2020
2.
[on a covid sceptics’ date] HER: you said you were muscular and 6’3” ME: I was making an important point about misinformation — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) August 9, 2020
3.
The fly in my apartment isn't washing its hands for the required 20 seconds. — Réal Funghi (@realfunghi) August 9, 2020
4.
I don't want any covid rom coms or 'love in the time of corona' or any of that shit. We need a zombie film where the response is the same as the pandemic response. Basically there's loads of zombies but everyone is told to save the economy and go back to school and its awful. — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) August 7, 2020
5.
Have to say, I find the turn of phrase going for a ‘Rishi’s’ particularly cringe inducing, it is getting filed under awful phrases/words that should never be uttered out loud, along with shenanigans, holibobs and also now, staycation — •• (@agirlcalledlina) August 10, 2020
6.
Some people are too clever for their own good. pic.twitter.com/LJqLTV9GvW — Paul (@bingowings14) August 10, 2020
7.
I love masks. I can’t believe I let y’all just breathe on me before. — cristina arreola (@C_Arreola) August 5, 2020
8.
Fifty ways to wear your face mask
Just slip it on your head, Ted
Be sure it covers your nose, Rose
Don’t pretend you can’t breathe, Steve
Just wear a damn mask
Don’t whine and bitch, Mitch
No it doesn’t make your face itch
It stops people getting sick, Rick
So don’t be a dick — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 24, 2020
9.
Gavin Williamson saying there has been little transmission in schools while they were shut reminds me of the time Priti Patel bragged about the reduction in shoplifting during lockdown. https://t.co/iFLdaOyCKA — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) August 10, 2020
10.
Shout out to dudes who think masks are weak but that Batman is cool! — Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) August 10, 2020
11.
I love the smell of anything in the morning, under the circumstances. — paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) August 6, 2020
12.
In the kingdom of the mask, the expressive eyebrow is king. — David Stokes (@scottywrotem) August 1, 2020
READ MORE
11 hilarious observations on pandemic life
Image @nathanareboucas and @stilclassics on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-11--This kid’s bike crash goes so well with Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight it’s uncanny

This kid ’ s bicycle crash is obviously very unfortunate and we hope he wasn ’ t hurt , goes @ @ @ @ @ .
But the noise he makes goes so well with Phil Collins ’ In The @ @ @ @ @ sorry incident was more than worthwhile .
So much more … Almost as good as @ @ @ @ @ these cupboard doors .
Remember this ?
People love these teens ’ reaction to hearing @ @ @ @ @ time

Videos
This child’s bicycle crash is obviously very unfortunate and we hope he wasn’t hurt, goes without saying and all that.
But the noise he makes goes so well with Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight that the whole sorry incident was surely more than worthwhile.
Not sure who to thank for this, but it’s brilliant. Volume up. pic.twitter.com/q4OjWl4XXx — Mark (@markaduck) August 10, 2020
Boom!
I’m laughing so hard !!! 😂 that was classic — Andre (@andrejohnson357) August 10, 2020
Got to give the kid credit for finding a target with a good crumple zone. That seems like a pretty good outcome all things considered … — Lukevan (@lukevan9699) August 10, 2020
That is a video of my life's trajectory. The painted white line is 2020 — THE BOOTS (@LeaveTheBootsOn) August 10, 2020
When this one first came out I couldn't stop laughing. https://t.co/An0TQLX7rM — Eleashia Conces (@econces516) August 10, 2020
Almost as good as when it was played on these cupboard doors. Remember this?
All credit for child rearing and video goes to @KChvotkin and her husband — Mark (@markaduck) August 11, 2020
READ MORE
People love these teens’ reaction to hearing Phil Collins for the first time
Source @markaduck


thepoke--2020-08-11--TikTok’s reaction to Instagram’s new short-video feature is a masterclass in sarcasm

In case you hadn ’ t noticed – and we hadn ’ t – Instagram , which is owned by @ @ @ @ @ new feature , called ‘ Reels ’ , which allows users to make and share @ @ @ @ @ so good .
Here ’ s how they announced it on Twitter .
There ’ @ @ @ @ @ that idea … They followed that up with this .
With TikTok ’ s position @ @ @ @ @ a recent executive order , it seemed suspiciously timely .
The …erm … ” appropriation @ @ @ @ @ unnoticed by other Twitter users .
Trump ’ s threat to ban TikTok got the @ @ @ @ @ lot more

Twitter
In case you hadn’t noticed – and we hadn’t – Instagram, which is owned by Facebook, is introducing a new feature, called ‘Reels’, which allows users to make and share short videos. So far so good.
Here’s how they announced it on Twitter.
Hellooooo, Reels 🙌 Introducing a new way to create and discover short, entertaining videos on Instagram. Reels is rolling out today to more than 50 countries around the world. 🤳🤩🎥✨😂👀💯https://t.co/RfXDhYawSF pic.twitter.com/FjSGSpSGpn — Instagram (@instagram) August 5, 2020
There’s only one problem with that idea …
brilliant. show stopping. totally unique. completely not ever been done before. — TikTok (@tiktok_us) August 7, 2020
They followed that up with this.
With TikTok’s position in the US threatened by a recent executive order, it seemed suspiciously timely.
The …erm …”appropriation” hadn’t gone unnoticed by other Twitter users.
Facebok has launched its TikTok copycat. All ideas are derivative, right? https://t.co/I2FORqAVac — Larry Madowo (@LarryMadowo) August 5, 2020
Facebook’s three step plan:
1. Observe the competition
2. Try to buy the competition
3. If that fails, copy the competition How isn’t Facebook considered a monopoly yet? 🥱 — vrtx (@aVortexHero) August 5, 2020
In many ways, Zuckerberg keeps proving to us that he actually stole the idea for Facebook. https://t.co/kjgtEJXCI8 — ULOMA (@ulxma) August 5, 2020
“Capitalism leads to innovation and new ideas”
Capitalism: https://t.co/drAt2zMmXF — Follow the chaos (@Emekalim) August 5, 2020
One person had a prediction.
Pretty soon, you’ll be able to order food from Instagram https://t.co/O55jP2RKV6 — Ali The Ansari (@AliTheAnsari) August 9, 2020
Watch your backs, Deliveroo.
READ MORE
Trump’s threat to ban TikTok got the lip-synch treatment – and a lot more
Source Instagram Image @neonbrand on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-08-11--Breakfast TV filmed migrants bailing out water from their boat in the English Channel – only 5 respo

Breakfast TV filmed migrants bailing out water from their boat in the English Channel – only 5 responses you need

BBC Breakfast has been trending , although presumably not for the reasons they would have hoped , after they filmed @ @ @ @ @ boat attempting to cross the English Channel .
Reporter Simon Jones was on another boat @ @ @ @ @ water ’ as they headed towards the coast .
Have a watch for yourself .
@ @ @ @ @ only 5 responses you need .
This seemed like the best idea .
Trump said @ @ @ @ @ ended WW2 – the only 5 historic owns you need

Twitter
BBC Breakfast has been trending, although presumably not for the reasons they would have hoped, after they filmed a ‘sinking’ refugee boat attempting to cross the English Channel.
Reporter Simon Jones was on another boat watching them ‘bailing out water’ as they headed towards the coast.
Have a watch for yourself.
"They're using a plastic container to try to bail out the boat"
Live on #BBCBreakfast @SimonJonesNews found another migrant boat attempting to cross the Channel. The group say they're from Syria. https://t.co/jidwhEOcIJ pic.twitter.com/Z62i9AmmYm — BBC Breakfast (@BBCBreakfast) August 10, 2020
And these are surely the only 5 responses you need.
1.
What kind of dystopian shit is this https://t.co/SCePZZSyZN — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 10, 2020
2.
This is up there as some of the most disgusting journalism I've ever seen. The boat is about to capsize and he's commentating on it like it's a football match. Appalling. https://t.co/Hg990uS55m — Aleesha (@a_leesha1) August 10, 2020
3.
4.
https://twitter.com/Reverend_Makers/status/1292811276981276672?s=20
5.
I think the BBC can sometimes be a bit too impartial. https://t.co/7e7WlK42QN — Limmy (@DaftLimmy) August 10, 2020
This seemed like the best idea.
Let them on your boat https://t.co/rMI1RKqgSV — Matt Zarb-Cousin (@mattzarb) August 10, 2020
To conclude …
How incredibly sickening that watching desperate souls fleeing for their lives has become a spectator sport to be commented on by the national broadcasters. https://t.co/nTzog1MuyA — Liam Young (@liamyoung) August 10, 2020
And this.
Alexa. Show me evidence of how low we’ve fallen as a society. https://t.co/XChx1virlo — David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 10, 2020
READ MORE
Trump said the “1917” pandemic ended WW2 – the only 5 historic owns you need
Source @BBCBreakfast


thepoke--2020-08-11--Unfortunate road name of the week

Unfortunate road name of the week

Well , that ’ s unfortunate , shared by @ rhodri on Twitter who said : ‘ Unfortunate road name @ @ @ @ @ Oh god , he ’ s not , is he ?
” ’

Pics
Well, that’s unfortunate, shared by @rhodri on Twitter who said: ‘Unfortunate road name, these days. “Oh god, he’s not, is he?”’
READ MORE
31 rudest place names in Britain (with street sign photos)
Source @rhodri


thepoke--2020-08-11--C5’s Jeremy Vine Show asked if pupils should be weighed post-lockdown – only 5 replies you need

Radio 2 ’ s Jeremy Vine has been on Channel 5 for a while now , presenting the slot that @ @ @ @ @ Matthew Wright .
We only mention this because the show had a question for its @ @ @ @ @ we only mention that because it ’ s not often you see the internet speak @ @ @ @ @ .
But this was definitely one of those occasions .
Anti-vaxxers want Jeremy Vine sacked @ @ @ @ @ ’ and he had the perfect response

Twitter
Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine has been on Channel 5 for a while now, presenting the slot that used to be fronted by Matthew Wright.
We only mention this because the show had a question for its followers on Twitter.
Should schools weigh pupils to make sure they shift the pounds they've put on during the lockdown? Health experts want two weigh-ins in September and then in the spring to keep kids on track. But could this just create a generation of calorie counters? #JeremyVine pic.twitter.com/ueY4K2v99u — Jeremy Vine On 5 (@JeremyVineOn5) August 10, 2020
And we only mention that because it’s not often you see the internet speak as one quite so forcefully. But this was definitely one of those occasions.
https://twitter.com/jameelajamil/status/1292882338188148736?s=20
Is giving children a complex about their weight which may lead to bullying from their peers, eating disorders and life long struggles with their bodies…a good idea? No. No it's bloody not. https://t.co/f4YCP9U22w — Carrie Hope Fletcher (@CarrieHFletcher) August 10, 2020
Sure, if you want to give children A FUCKING EATING DISORDER. https://t.co/xJG406zqkt — Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) August 10, 2020
no and this isn’t even a discussion. no discourse to be had. anyone who thinks this is a good idea can kindly go to hell https://t.co/VYVRNsKjNE — faye (@fayekinley) August 10, 2020
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder https://t.co/gH2wXVqiyR — Matty (@hatsandbackchat) August 10, 2020
To conclude …
Let’s stop hating kids for maybe two seconds and see how it goes https://t.co/kyDPRPwbF8 — Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) August 11, 2020
In one word.
READ MORE
Anti-vaxxers want Jeremy Vine sacked because of his ‘bias’ and he had the perfect response
Source @JeremyVineOn5 Images Channel 5 screengrab Pexels


thepoke--2020-08-11--“What have you accidentally conditioned your pet to do?” – 10 Pavlovian responses

“ What have you accidentally conditioned your pet to do ?
” The responses would impress Professor Pavlov and these @ @ @ @ @ .
The dog that still thinks he ’ s puppy-sized 8 .
Don ’ t @ @ @ @ @ ?
9 .
This is a sensible dog – and a gross owner As an @ @ @ @ @ s also this bathing kitty .
This is so freakin adorable I ’ m crying @ @ @ @ @ Doc .
So are we .
This cat kicking itself in the face is a @ @ @ @ @ hugely funny watch

Weird World
Over on r/AskReddit, u/shoonpo asked
“What have you accidentally conditioned your pet to do?”
The responses would impress Professor Pavlov and these were our favourites.
1. Home helper cat
2. Bedtime bully
3. Cheese drawer dog is very relatable
4. The dog that still thinks he’s puppy-sized
5. Canine barter
6. Watch that electricity bill
7. Head scratches are a strong motivator
8. Don’t they just do this anyway?
9. This is a sensible dog – and a gross owner
10. A shoo-in for Instagram
As an amazing bonus, there’s also this bathing kitty.
Via
As DrBetzen said,
This is so freakin adorable I’m crying.
So are we, Doc. So are we.
READ MORE
This cat kicking itself in the face is a metaphor for everything and a hugely funny watch
Source r/AskReddit Image u/aquickcupofcoffee


thepoke--2020-08-11--You wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of these burns – 17 of the hottest

Most of us enjoy a good slapdown – metaphorically – as long as we ’ re not on the receiving @ @ @ @ @ shliza.com obviously does , because they gathered a whole load of the best .
These @ @ @ @ @ or cleverest .
1 .
We suspect that ’ s not what she meant 3 @ @ @ @ @ a detective to spot this 7 .
What have the WHO ever done for us @

Pics
Most of us enjoy a good slapdown – metaphorically – as long as we’re not on the receiving end.
Web magazine, shliza.com obviously does, because they gathered a whole load of the best.
These were the 17 funniest – or cleverest.
1. We suspect that’s not what she meant
2. Okay, Boomer
3. Doesn’t take a detective to spot this
4. That’s got to hurt
5. Ableism taken down
6. Apple – 0, Elon Musk – 1
7. What have the Romans WHO ever done for us?
8. Patient zero
9. Okay, Boomer Pt. 2


thepoke--2020-08-11--This very funny viral cookery reaction video goes on quite the journey

You ’ ve probably spotted that cookery reaction videos are all the rage these days , with ‘ rage ’ @ @ @ @ @ “ Uncle Roger ” was clearly not impressed with this rice-cooking effort .
And let @ @ @ @ @ Ramsay ‘ s verdict on the Bad Tea American ’ s fish and chips .
@ @ @ @ @ @ quentinagerr is a very different kettle of fish .
In fact it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ beef .
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan .
Not really .
With four million views @ @ @ @ @ million more after little more than a day on Twitter , this is what people @ @ @ @ @ viral clip .
Gordon Ramsay reacting to the Bad Tea American ’ s fish and @ @ @ @ @ you ’ d think

Videos
You’ve probably spotted that cookery reaction videos are all the rage these days, with ‘rage’ being the operative word.
“Uncle Roger” was clearly not impressed with this rice-cooking effort.
LMAAOOOO WHO IS THIS HILARIOUS DUDE??????? 😂😂😂😂😂 THIS RICE COOKING IS A HATE CRIMEpic.twitter.com/V4N4gS4W77 — Jenny Yang (@jennyyangtv) July 23, 2020
And let’s not forget Gordon Ramsay‘s verdict on the Bad Tea American’s fish and chips.
But this video featuring TikToker @quentinagerr is a very different kettle of fish. In fact it’s a kettle of chicken and beef.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Not really.
Buzzfeed’s Tanya Chen shared the video on Twitter.
I don’t even have a tweet that could do this video justice. just watch it pic.twitter.com/iyYQ52CjsU — Tanya Chen (@tanyachen) August 9, 2020
thank you so much for posting me🥺🥺🥺this means a lot love❤ — quentinagerr (@quentinagerr) August 10, 2020
With four million views on TikTok and almost two million more after little more than a day on Twitter, this is what people had to say about the viral clip.
Nothing can prepare you for the journey you’re about to take through this video.pic.twitter.com/Ljo5YIqtFf — Leon Langford (@MasonLLL) August 11, 2020
This is just… the funniest thing on the whole internet right now. I’m CRYING from laughing so hard. https://t.co/FYz5eyb4B8 — Mark Oshiro EACH OF US A DESERT (@MarkDoesStuff) August 10, 2020
I was so hoping this would make it's way to Twitter. Best video on TikTok. https://t.co/tQew1U0CJU — Claire Connelly (@_ClaireConnelly) August 10, 2020
Finally, Twitter user @AliciaAmin spotted a parallel.
This is how people who don’t read whole threads be reacting 😂 https://t.co/6wezzG5EIw — YM Raja Lapar 🍸 (@AliciaAmin) August 10, 2020
READ MORE
Gordon Ramsay reacting to the Bad Tea American’s fish and chips went as well as you’d think
Source @quentinagerr Image @quentinagerr


thepoke--2020-08-11--Trump said the “1917” pandemic ended WW2 – the only 5 historic owns you need

Donald Trump ‘ s latest press conference had to be cut short when shots were heard outside the White House @ @ @ @ @ have been relieved that the fiasco had been brought to an end as the President @ @ @ @ @ bizarre History lesson .
It isn ’ t the first time History has been a @ @ @ @ @ He has also tweaked his personal history , claiming to have been at Ground Zero @ @ @ @ @ lies .
In the latest episode of ‘ Trump Mangles History ’ , which we @ @ @ @ @ series , he got so many things wrong in one statement it ’ s actually @ @ @ @ @ five reactions were particularly enjoyable .
Have pity on history lovers everywhere .

Twitter
Donald Trump‘s latest press conference had to be cut short when shots were heard outside the White House, but reporters may well have been relieved that the fiasco had been brought to an end as the President had been giving them a bizarre History lesson.
It isn’t the first time History has been a casualty of Trump freestyling.
Remember these?
America had links with Ancient Rome. The American Army took control of the airports in 1775. President Andrew Jackson (1767 – 1845) could have stopped the American Civil War (1861 – 1865). Canada burned down the White House in 1814 – Canada didn’t exist as a country until 1867.
He has also tweaked his personal history, claiming to have been at Ground Zero on 9/11 – among other lies.
In the latest episode of ‘Trump Mangles History’, which we wish were an actual spoof series, he got so many things wrong in one statement it’s actually sort of impressive.
The President says the “1917 pandemic” ended the Second World War pic.twitter.com/jSltuSYim2 — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) August 10, 2020
Erm …no.
Trump: In 1917, the great pandemic, where they lost 50 to 100 million people, probably ended the Second World War. 1. The pandemic happened in 1918, not 1917. 2. About 37 million people died in WWI, not 50 to 100 million. 3. The Second World War ended in 1945, not in 1917. https://t.co/EEsnVUkXcE — Keith Boykin (@keithboykin) August 10, 2020
These five reactions were particularly enjoyable.
1.
Trump also thinks the Korean War ended because M*A*S*H was canceled. https://t.co/6XfgIuHdfn — Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) August 11, 2020
2.
He's confusing the date of the Spanish Flu (1918) with the date of the revolution (1917) that created the Russian government which eventually produced his current owner. He's also confusing WW1 with WW2…but not with a W2, because he doesn't pay taxes. https://t.co/tu9o4QB7wk — Greg Olear (@gregolear) August 10, 2020
3.
Trump claims the “Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1917 probably ended the Second World War” “ because “all the soldiers were sick”
Most of them weren’t even born in 1917! pic.twitter.com/XOE6Pd4mx5 — nazir afzal (@nazirafzal) August 10, 2020
4.
5.
Dinesh D’Souza: Yes, elitist provincials, laugh. Trump isn’t referencing the 1918 Spanish Flu but the 1917 Portuguese Grippe, which infected a young Hitler. After incubating 28 years, it suddenly became symptomatic in the bunker and he sneezed so violently it blew his brains out. https://t.co/syK9PSmpvw — Frank Lesser (@sadmonsters) August 11, 2020
Have pity on history lovers everywhere.
I have loved history since I was a kid and this physically hurts. https://t.co/jRJQhONPS2 — Matt Ortega (@MattOrtega) August 11, 2020
Author, Paul Begala, had this conclusion.
Totally convinced now that Trump paid someone to take his mental acuity test. https://t.co/jm2zw1a550 — Paul Begala (@PaulBegala) August 10, 2020
READ MORE
Trump was relentlessly mocked for ridiculous 911 claims – 21 hilarious #LostTrumpHistory “facts”
Source @Acyn Image @Acyn


thepoke--2020-08-11--A rich white Tory disputed Dawn Butler’s experience of racism and these 9 takedowns were spectacular

Labour MP Dawn Butler was recently stopped while driving in Hackney , by police who claimed her car ’ s licence plate was registered in Yorkshire , although they subsequently admitted that they had typed in the registration incorrectly .
Two things – driving in London while being from Yorkshire isn ’ t an offence and it ’ s the third time Ms Butler , a black woman , has been stopped by police in London since she became an MP .
To put it another way … Responses to her tweet , and her suggestion that the police may @ @ @ @ @ @ @ messages of support and an all-you-can block buffet of vile bigotry .
Some people even called for her to be sacked , many of whom hadn ’ t troubled themselves to call for the suspension of the unnamed Conservative MP arrested on suspicion of sexual offences including rape .
It ’ s a classic of the “ I haven ’ t experienced X so X doesn ’ t exist ” genre .
LBC presenter and author , James O ’ Brien , had some insight into the real culprits .
We strongly suggest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to follow it .
A Brexiter pulled the old “ I ’ m not racist , but … ” about David Lammy – our 9 favourite takedowns

Twitter
Labour MP Dawn Butler was recently stopped while driving in Hackney, by police who claimed her car’s licence plate was registered in Yorkshire, although they subsequently admitted that they had typed in the registration incorrectly.
I JUST GOT STOPPED BY THE POLICE DRIVING THROUGH HACKNEY… MORE DETAILS TO FOLLOW…@metpoliceuk I recorded the whole incident. — Dawn Butler MP✊🏾 (@DawnButlerBrent) August 9, 2020
Two things – driving in London while being from Yorkshire isn’t an offence and it’s the third time Ms Butler, a black woman, has been stopped by police in London since she became an MP.
To put it another way …
Police stopped Dawn Butler for a ‘Yorkshire number plate’ but Dominic Cummings took his kids on a potentially blind joyride and a 260 mile trip during lockdown and he held a press conference about why that’s okay — Kam Sandhu (@Kayayemela) August 9, 2020
Responses to her tweet, and her suggestion that the police may be institutionally racist, were divided between messages of support and an all-you-can block buffet of vile bigotry.
Some people even called for her to be sacked, many of whom hadn’t troubled themselves to call for the suspension of the unnamed Conservative MP arrested on suspicion of sexual offences including rape.
Conservative commentator, Tim Montgomerie shared his hot take.
It’s a classic of the “I haven’t experienced X so X doesn’t exist” genre.
Here’s how Twitter responded.
1.
This guys transition from ‘let me play devils advocate to show how reasonable I am’ to ‘flag in my username nothing is wrong with MY country shut up Black woman that’s why people are voting tory’ has honestly been the least surprising event in the last two days. https://t.co/C8PqJEm2Wm — Shahmir Sanni (@shahmiruk) August 10, 2020
2.
We interrupt this week long national debate on how to best use warships to stop asylum seekers from making it to the uk to bring you a white guy telling us how tolerant and non-racist we are https://t.co/6WiTRVgiXB — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 10, 2020
3.
“Least racist” = “I acknowledge that racism is present, but consider the current level acceptable.” https://t.co/dfwi9wSI5F — Andrew James Carter (@Carter_AndrewJ) August 10, 2020
4.
Hark, a wealthy, white, man speaks on Britain's lack of racism. https://t.co/sqpPsnV335 — John Smith (son of Harry Leslie Smith) (@Harryslaststand) August 10, 2020
5.
No, no it's not. I keep seeing this. British people are polite. British people never say what they mean. Just cause it's all codified you & fannybaws Laurence Fox can stop patting yourself on the back that you didn't outright use the n word. https://t.co/FnOdeq37Kf — Fern Brady (@FernBrady) August 9, 2020
6.
BREAKING: Posh old rich white man says racism isn't a thing https://t.co/HWB3qBoA6h — Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) August 9, 2020
7.
Britain ran largest empire in world history and for a significant period it was an exercise in brutal white supremacy. Those days are over, and we've made progress, but the legacy of that history remains in modern day racism. I'll be explaining how in my new book #EmpireLand https://t.co/68GWruLU2F — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) August 10, 2020
8.
And if anyone's qualified to lecture black people about racism, it's a posh white Tory called Timothy. https://t.co/5u4oxrqwpK pic.twitter.com/Xw1p5dcrI8 — Frank Owen's Legendary Paintbrush (@WarmongerHodges) August 9, 2020
9.
People who are not affected by a particular form of bigotry to shut the fuck up about what does and does not constitute that particular form of bigotry challenge. https://t.co/15VGrraPou — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) August 10, 2020
LBC presenter and author, James O’Brien, had some insight into the real culprits.
Woke snowflakes (note to subs: is this lingo up to date?) suggesting that white men might know a bit less about the policing of BAME people than BAME people are, obviously, the real problem here. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) August 10, 2020
Nathaniel Myers gave Tim Montgomerie some advice.
Instead of feeling offended when a black woman says she feels like our institutions express a racial bias, try listening to her. She's not saying it just to annoy you, she's obviously expressing her qualitative experience of living here, and it will be different to yours. — Nathaniel Myers (@UberNaffa) August 9, 2020
We strongly suggest nobody holds their breath waiting for him to follow it.
READ MORE
A Brexiter pulled the old “I’m not racist, but …” about David Lammy – our 9 favourite takedowns
Source Tim Montgomerie Image Screengrab, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-08-11--‘Trump Draws’ did Donald Trump’s car crash interview with Jonathan Swan and it’s perfect

The good people of @ TrumpDraws have turned their attention to the so-called president ’ s car crash of an @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s fabulous .
Almost as good as this , of Trump interviewing himself @ @ @ @ @ .
Donald Trump ’ s car crash interview makes more sense when he ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ’

Videos
The good people of @TrumpDraws have turned their attention to the so-called president’s car crash of an interview with Jonathan Swan and it’s fabulous.
do you like me? pic.twitter.com/wQsXWdoqqk — Trump Draws (@TrumpDraws) August 5, 2020
Short but perfectly formed …
There are not enough likes in the world for this tweet. — Leslie Thomsen (@JuicyQueenLive) August 5, 2020
This is your Sistine Chapel. — Bill Dewan (@StillDewan) August 5, 2020
lol. Best response ever — Nick Spriggs (@ncsfoo) August 5, 2020
Almost as good as this, of Trump interviewing himself, from the same interview.
Follow @TrumpDraws on Twitter here!
READ MORE
Donald Trump’s car crash interview makes more sense when he’s replaced with ‘Liza Minnelli’
Source @TrumpDraws


thepoke--2020-08-11--The ‘Thighland’ guy defended Donald Trump saying the ‘1917’ pandemic ended WW2 – 5 historic owns

As you may have seen already today , people have been laughing at Donald Trump today for suggesting the ‘ @ @ @ @ @ .
Now the same guy who defended the so-called president ’ s , er , @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Thighland ’ – you remember , this one – has come to his aid @ @ @ @ @ these are the only 5 takedowns you need .
Trump said the “ 1917 ” @ @ @ @ @ only 5 historic owns you need

Pics
As you may have seen already today, people have been laughing at Donald Trump today for suggesting the ‘1917’ pandemic ended WW2.
The President says the “1917 pandemic” ended the Second World War pic.twitter.com/jSltuSYim2 — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) August 10, 2020
Now the same guy who defended the so-called president’s, er, novel pronunciation of Thailand as ‘Thighland’ – you remember, this one – has come to his aid all over again.
Trump knows World War 2 ended in 1945. He misspoke and said “World War 2” when he obviously meant “World War 1.” The pathetic jubilation over this on the Left’s part shows how Trump has made them crazy. They wait for the tiniest slip up so they can have an orgasm over it https://t.co/S8yjCL1mdg — Dinesh D’Souza (@DineshDSouza) August 11, 2020
And these are the only 5 takedowns you need.
1.
He misspoke? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HE WENT TO LIKE REALLY BIG SCHOOLS WHERE THEY TAUGHT HIM ALL THE HISTORY AND STUFF — Lord Space Hungarian of Poplar and Limehouse (@andraswf) August 11, 2020
2.
In England, we pronounce it World War 'Thoo'. https://t.co/A3MK1KkplW — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) August 11, 2020
3.
Trump thought there were airfields during the War of Independence mate. But on the upside I bet he knows how to pronounce Thighland https://t.co/L8ty2jq2YH — Otto English (@Otto_English) August 11, 2020
4.
Now explain how the 1918 Flu occurred in 1917. — Chris Papalia (@papalia_chris) August 11, 2020
5.
In the UK we pronounce Trump as "Thick twunt." https://t.co/Qh1JTLwevu — Dom Joly (@domjoly) August 11, 2020
To conclude …
I do believe Trump has found his Groom of the Stool. https://t.co/wqAGX8wMbs — Roy Edroso (@edroso) August 11, 2020
READ MORE
Trump said the “1917” pandemic ended WW2 – the only 5 historic owns you need
Image Pexels Source @DineshDSouza


thepoke--2020-08-11--Every time Trump has said the 1918 flu pandemic happened in 1917 is quite the watch

This supercut of every time Donald Trump has said the 1918 flu pandemic happened in 1917 is something else .
@ @ @ @ @ defended Donald Trump saying the ‘ 1917 ’ pandemic ended WW2 – 5 historic owns

Videos
This supercut of every time Donald Trump has said the 1918 flu pandemic happened in 1917 is something else.
A supercut of Trump saying that the 1918 flu pandemic happened in 1917 pic.twitter.com/phawCzkw3v — Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) August 11, 2020
1917 you say, Mr President?
He’s been doing it for months. I have no idea why. — Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) August 11, 2020
I have to think he first said "1917" because of a vague awareness of the movie with that title. Then he just kept saying it because that's what he does — Mister Aytch (@AytchMister) August 11, 2020
READ MORE
The ‘Thighland’ guy defended Donald Trump saying the ‘1917’ pandemic ended WW2 – 5 historic owns
Source @ParkerMolloy


thepoke--2020-08-11--Now Sky News is following migrants in boats across the English Channel – 5 responses that say it all

BBC Breakfast caused a bit of outrage yesterday when it sent a reporter out in a boat to follow a @ @ @ @ @ English Channel .
A day later and Sky News has done the same thing .
@ @ @ @ @ , but lots of people were , and these 7 responses reflect what a lot @ @ @ @ @ .
Breakfast TV filmed migrants bailing out water from their boat in the English Channel @ @ @ @ @ need

Twitter
BBC Breakfast caused a bit of outrage yesterday when it sent a reporter out in a boat to follow a dinghy carrying migrants across the English Channel.
“They’re using a plastic container to try to bail out the boat”
Live on #BBCBreakfast @SimonJonesNews found another migrant boat attempting to cross the Channel. The group say they’re from Syria. https://t.co/jidwhEOcIJ pic.twitter.com/Z62i9AmmYm — BBC Breakfast (@BBCBreakfast) August 10, 2020
A day later and Sky News has done the same thing.
Sky News is following a fourth boat attempting to carry migrants across the English Channel into the UK this morning. Read more on this story here: https://t.co/6JOWbLK4ZM pic.twitter.com/YFh82ELYIl — SkyNews (@SkyNews) August 11, 2020
Probably not everyone was appalled, but lots of people were, and these 7 responses reflect what a lot of them were saying today.
1.
You do realise these are human being yeah? With emotions, loved ones, talents, ambitions, dreams – and stories of horror we can only imagine. I think this is tasteless… https://t.co/FALgvdOiFM — Jake Humphrey (@mrjakehumphrey) August 11, 2020
2.
Journalists please note: I believe there is a sea-faring honour code that you should always come to the aid of a struggling vessel. What you're not supposed to do is film and bellow at them, and then drive off. It's not a fucking safari. If you don't get that, get off the boat. https://t.co/Up8gyVvyk2 — Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) August 11, 2020
3.
Imagine being so desperate you're willing to risk death on a rubber dinghy, seeing a big safe ship pull up alongside you and maybe think they're here to help, only for the ghouls to start narrating you like they're David fucking Attenborough watching some distressed Elk. https://t.co/2fV6TjY6dL — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 11, 2020
4.
Someone should follow and film the people in the Sky News boat and shout at them “how easy was it for the government to distract you from their coronavirus and brexit f*** ups?” https://t.co/L4YeBNsxsA — GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) August 11, 2020
5.
I’ve fixed that for you. You’re welcome. pic.twitter.com/KdEaUdNLdi — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) August 11, 2020
To conclude …
Oh right, so that news boat gawping at refugees risking their lives in order to have a future for their families wasn’t a one-off, that’s a thing now, we are in a really gross era, you guys. — Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) August 11, 2020
And this.
Just a reminder to staff at Sky news and other orgs doing this type of journalism: https://t.co/2AorEqJfXM — Rob Manuel – Follow @fesshole now! (@robmanuel) August 11, 2020
BREAKING …
All these boats are UK journalists at Dover pic.twitter.com/a3NnP35nQd — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) August 11, 2020
READ MORE
Breakfast TV filmed migrants bailing out water from their boat in the English Channel – only 5 responses you need
Source @SkyNews


thepoke--2020-08-12--This Greggs bag entering stage left is exactly the content we needed today

This ’ ll take your mind off the heat ( or the torrential rain – delete as applicable ) for @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s a TV interview which suffered the most unfortunate interruption .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ , but it ’ s very , very welcome .
And to think – they @ @ @ @ @ This kid ’ s bike crash goes so well with Phil Collins ’ In The @ @ @ @ @ uncanny

Videos
This’ll take your mind off the heat (or the torrential rain – delete as appropriate) for a moment or two.
It’s a TV interview which suffered the most unfortunate interruption. It’s not entirely breaking news, but it’s very, very welcome.
I’m sorry but I cannot stop laughing at this the heat is making me hysterical pic.twitter.com/Yw0JhKuu7j — Helen Simmons (@HelenSimmons8) August 11, 2020
And to think – they were on a roll.
I AM CRYING 😂 — Kit Reeve (@KitReeve) August 12, 2020
Why does it take him so long to attempt to remove it? — Paul (@IWriteUrWrong) August 11, 2020
It’s like he leaves it, just playing it cool. 😂 “They haven’t noticed. They have not noticed.” — Graham Peak (@gmpeak) August 12, 2020
He’s in a state of Greggs induced shock — Helen Simmons (@HelenSimmons8) August 11, 2020
The holy grail! The Greggs comes to you 😁 — Colin "wash your hands" George (@ColinGeorgeBBC) August 12, 2020
And finally …
Greggs have re-taken the ‘best product visibility on Twitter’ title. Your move, Ben & Jerry. https://t.co/rhBwKFFzEn — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) August 12, 2020
READ MORE
This kid’s bike crash goes so well with Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight it’s uncanny
Source @HelenSimmons8