thepoke--2020-02-06--Katy Perry was made a British Asian Trust ambassador and there were questions – 9 bemused reactions

The non-British , non-Asian singer , Katy Perry , has been announced as the newest ambassador for the British Asian @ @ @ @ @ by Prince Charles with the aim of improving life and opportunities in South Asia .
@ @ @ @ @ hit Twitter .
It should be pointed out that she ’ s simply the latest @ @ @ @ @ one .
That didn ’ t make her appointment seem any less inappropriate .
Tweeter @ @ @ @ @ to the irony of the situation .

News
The non-British, non-Asian singer, Katy Perry, has been announced as the newest ambassador for the British Asian Trust, an organisation founded by Prince Charles with the aim of improving life and opportunities in South Asia. This is how the news hit Twitter.
Prince Charles announces Katy Perry as British Asian Trust ambassador https://t.co/5rUAFTGKhM — Yahoo News UK (@YahooNewsUK) February 4, 2020
It should be pointed out that she’s simply the latest ambassador, not the only one.
Okay this article is intentionally a bit sensationalist right?
It DOES seem a bit odd… but she’s an ambassador ALONGSIDE many amazing British Asians including Konnie Huq, James Caan, Naughty Boy, Nihal, Nina Wadia & many more.
Need to add @GuzKhanOfficial & @tezilyas though… — Scroobius Pip (@Scroobiuspipyo) February 4, 2020
That didn’t make her appointment seem any less inappropriate.
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I love Katy but seriously? She's not British or is she Asian. There are SO MANY BRITISH ASIAN celebrities who should be in her place: Dev Patel, Jameela Jamil, Anjali Mohindra, Parminder Nagra and Riz Ahmed to name a few. https://t.co/J1su2rQoFV — Zarik (@zyusaf13) February 5, 2020
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This is what happens when white people listen to #JoaquinPhoenix's #BAFTA speech about dismantling systematic racism. They double down and pick Katy Perry to be the face of their Asian Trust. #NotSorry #ICannot https://t.co/jsgft88H2p — Ringo Le (@ringole) February 5, 2020
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If British Asians can’t even get jobs that have British Asian in the job title… https://t.co/T6elGiDfpk — Roushan Alam (@roushanalam) February 5, 2020
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Katy Perry: British Asian Trust Ambassador pic.twitter.com/AZbiCwaQfM — Rachael Krishna (@RachaelKrishna) February 5, 2020
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I once didn't get a job because I only had 1 and a half years of experience with spreadsheets rather than the required 2 https://t.co/D2kzZXCXPi — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 5, 2020
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umm really? this is so disrespectful, did they even think of any actual British Asians like Scarlet Johansson for the role or what? wow https://t.co/vws3lnNoUQ — Amna (@AGlasgowGirl) February 5, 2020
8.
Prince Charles: Am I so out of touch?
No it's the British Asians who are wrong. pic.twitter.com/KrQFL99UDa — Rich Wrigley (@rwrigley) February 5, 2020
9.
I’m sorry, what? Were there no British Asians, or Asians, or even British?!! https://t.co/qYJEEIJdk3 — Unnamed Insider (@Unnamedinsider) February 5, 2020
Tweeter @MelikeYzzz drew our attention to the irony of the situation.
So they wouldn't let a ~black~ American woman be an ambassador of their family but hired a white American woman be an ambassador for all British Asians. pic.twitter.com/531EYRM3TR — Youlike (@MelikeYzzz) February 4, 2020
Source Yahoo Image https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0k3UOt8aPE“>YouTube,


thepoke--2020-02-06--Jessica knows how to stop the coronavirus and she’s really not messing around

Well , it ’ s one way of helping to stop the spread of the coronavirus .
Just not the @ @ @ @ @ we ’ re not sticking our neck out here ) .
The tweet went viral @ @ @ @ @ Twitter by @ TheSocietyDude – ‘ Jessica isn ’ t fucking around , ’ he @ @ @ @ @ just some of the things people said about it .

Twitter
Well, it’s one way of helping to stop the spread of the coronavirus. Just not the right way (we hope we’re not sticking our neck out here).
The tweet went viral after it was shared on Twitter by @TheSocietyDude – ‘Jessica isn’t fucking around,’ he tweeted – and here are just some of the things people said about it.
what kind of monster spells Jessica with one S and two Cs????? — ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@skylarchriss) January 29, 2020
The kind that wants to start shooting down civilian jets asap — no more mr wife guy (@TheSocietyDude) January 29, 2020
BLOOD! MORE BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! — Sandra L (@SandraChristine) January 29, 2020
Advisor: “Maybe we should quarantine the people after they get back fr–”
Jessica: “LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOOOOOOR!” — JeSuisCharlieBrown (@ohgoodgrief_) January 29, 2020
“Hey Jessica, we’re on our way over for dinner. Feeling like I might be getting a cold though’
Jessica: [assembling rocket launcher] — past my prime (@five6four) January 29, 2020
READ MORE
18 times internet BS was gloriously shot down
Source @TheSocietyDude


thepoke--2020-02-06--‘Watch to the end …’

‘Watch to the end …’

Here ’ s an interesting experiment to discover how cats deal with an ever decreasing hole through which they have @ @ @ @ @ one room to another .
And as @ mrnickharvey suggests , you really do have @ @ @ @ @ .
And it got even better when @ JaneyGodley did this .

Videos
Here’s an interesting experiment to discover how cats deal with an ever decreasing hole through which they have to squeeze to get from one room to another.
And as @mrnickharvey suggests, you really do have to watch until the end.
Watch to the end. pic.twitter.com/VFGpRjFgep — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) February 3, 2020
Boom!
And it got even better when @JaneyGodley did this.
Source Twitter @InterestingSci1 H/T @mrnickharvey


thepoke--2020-02-06--This John F Kennedy memorial had a very unfortunate design

Took us far too long to work out what it was .
For a little context , it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ’ s not quite as glaring an error as you might think .
Didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ thick and fast though .
Simply 13 hilariously bad design fails that will have you @ @ @ @

Pics
Took us far too long to work out what it was.
For a little context, it’s apparently a video so it’s not quite as glaring an error as you might think.
Didn’t stop the puns coming thick and fast though.
‘That’s a mind-blowing way to fuck up.’ ganghiscox
READ MORE
Simply 13 hilariously bad design fails that will have you facepalming into next week
Source Reddit u/xdxdfranrk


Honest Valentine Cards

Love it or hate it , it ’ s nearly that time of year again .
Forget the schmaltz though @ @ @ @ @ with some more honest Valentine cards for you .

Exclusive
Love it or hate it, it’s nearly that time of year again. Forget the schmaltz though, we’re here with some more honest Valentine cards for you.
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thepoke--2020-02-07--‘Sir, do you know how wrong numbers work?’

It ’ s irritating when someone texts you and it turns out they ’ ve got the wrong number .
But it ’ s even more irritating when , well , when this happens .
‘ Sir , do you know how wrong numbers work ?
’ asked wait_whats_illegal who shared it on Reddit .
They were a lot politer than we would have been .
‘ Technically he has the right number .
Just needs to stop looking for the other person .
I can see it already .
They ’ d make cute friends.
’ tofu_tot ‘ My @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have a landline number that ’ s 1 digit different from a popular Italian restaurant in their town .
A couple of times a year they ’ ll get calls from people trying to book tables , most are obviously apologetic when they realise their mistake , but once or twice a year , they ’ ll get some asshat that will insist they have the right number , and that they should just shut up and take their booking.
’ DasFunktopus Someone texted the wrong number and if only it was always @ @ @ @

Pics
It’s irritating when someone texts you and it turns out they’ve got the wrong number. But it’s even more irritating when, well, when this happens.
‘Sir, do you know how wrong numbers work?’ asked wait_whats_illegal who shared it on Reddit.
They were a lot politer than we would have been.
‘Technically he has the right number. Just needs to stop looking for the other person. I can see it already. They’d make cute friends.’ tofu_tot ‘My aunt and uncle who live in Florida have a landline number that’s 1 digit different from a popular Italian restaurant in their town. A couple of times a year they’ll get calls from people trying to book tables, most are obviously apologetic when they realise their mistake, but once or twice a year, they’ll get some asshat that will insist they have the right number, and that they should just shut up and take their booking.’ DasFunktopus
READ MORE
Someone texted the wrong number and if only it was always as entertaining as this
Source Reddit u/wait_whats_illegal


thepoke--2020-02-07--18 nice things that made us feel good this week

Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that gave us a warm glow and stopped @ @ @ @ @ disaster everything is for a little while .
Just 14 nice things that made us @ @ @

Twitter
Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that gave us a warm glow and stopped us thinking about what a disaster everything is for a little while.
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The puppies are 3 weeks old today and have tried solid food for the first time. It went so well. https://t.co/9rG5P3Tp4q pic.twitter.com/mvC7RBDM6J — loulouminidachshund (@loulouminidachs) January 30, 2020
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Just had to share this little clip again of the cheekiest Badger that we have ever had in Narnia, Little Humbug 😆🐾🐾❤ pic.twitter.com/NGKReOqcj0 — Mr Lumpy & Friends (@LumpyandFriends) February 1, 2020
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Proud boy finding best stick pic.twitter.com/wsRKSpbPAb — Back To Nature (@backt0nature) January 31, 2020
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He did his thing for sure🤣 🔥🕺🏼 pic.twitter.com/994ZB1GVrM — 🇧🇧 (@rahm3sh) January 31, 2020
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A man was sitting alone, on a bench in a park, singing Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer by himself. By the end, the entire park joined along to sing with him. (🎥@Goodable) pic.twitter.com/sIqXHuFO2k — Muhammad Lila (@MuhammadLila) January 30, 2020
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We don’t deserve dogs pic.twitter.com/n9OhyAPqmV — Dogs are the best people (@_TheBestDogs) February 2, 2020
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Malawian musician Gasper Nali playing his homemade instrument, the Babatoni. pic.twitter.com/DeOBWwEDDF — Dust-to-Digital (@dusttodigital) February 2, 2020
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The Honduran white bat cuts the side veins extending out from the midrib of the large leaves of the Heliconia plant causing them to fold down to form a ‘tent’. They cling to the roof of this tent in small colonies of up to half a dozen individuals https://t.co/FccAhDc5rB pic.twitter.com/kYkCAX1DXO — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) February 2, 2020
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This man is a legend 🤣 pic.twitter.com/6xFeH0MpXI — Rave Moments (@Rave_Moments) February 1, 2020
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This little boy was terrified of dogs — until he met this senior pup 💛 pic.twitter.com/ge4ETGWFqC — The Dodo (@dodo) February 2, 2020
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i’m sorry i’m not him. i will never be him. pic.twitter.com/7BsdTx8w1I — justin (@farringt0n) February 2, 2020
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The best sight you’ll ever see. Rescued farm animals running free at @FSantuarioGaia. The kind of life that every farm animal deserves (yet so few experience). 🧡 pic.twitter.com/SuWNYyHUAW — John Oberg (@JohnOberg) February 5, 2020
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The goodest boye doing a brave. pic.twitter.com/ZFPWAF51vJ — Dogs are the best people (@_TheBestDogs) February 5, 2020
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Cat snoring through an echo microphone of the day. pic.twitter.com/Rkic9X0u6k — Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) February 6, 2020
READ MORE
Just 14 nice things that made us smile this week


thepoke--2020-02-07--Takedown of the week

Takedown of the week

Takedown of the week winner goes to this person who has a fondness for drawing sad clowns .
And it @ @ @ @ @ not all they ’ re good at .
Takedown of the week ( no , @ @ @ @ @ different week )

Pics
Takedown of the week winner goes to this person who has a fondness for drawing sad clowns. And it turns out that’s not all they’re good at.
READ MORE
Takedown of the week (no, not this week, a different week)
Source Reddit u/CallMeYounggg


thepoke--2020-02-07--Just 25 hilarious things we’ve seen this week

Storm Ciara is all set to blow into the UK and Ireland , it ’ s quite possible that everyone @ @ @ @ @ about to be ruined .
Thankfully , there ’ s still Netflix and the internet @ @ @ @ @ starting with these twenty-five funny tweets from the past week .

Twitter
Storm Ciara is all set to blow into the UK and Ireland, it’s quite possible that everyone’s weekend plans are about to be ruined.
Thankfully, there’s still Netflix and the internet to fall back on, starting with these twenty-five funny tweets from the past week.
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It's happened. Daytime television has run out of things to talk about. pic.twitter.com/zGtefv4Tbq — Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) February 4, 2020
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Re-reading Wuthering Heights is a great reminder that 150 years ago, if you, say, sprained an ankle at a neighbor's house, you just lived there for five weeks until it healed. — Adam Morgan (@adamm0rgan) January 31, 2020
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I once visited a high school to do a talk. At the start I asked how many of the kids wanted to be an author when they grew up. Out of about 120, only 1 hand went up. When I finished my talk, I asked again. I'm proud to say, hand on heart, 0 hands went up. Scared that one kid good — Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) February 1, 2020
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Mum just asked what a palindrome is and I told my brother to take this one because I'm still recovering from explaining memes to her last week — Sid (@HertsSid) February 2, 2020
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designer: looks nice but can we move the headers 1px up
developer: its not that we cant its that then i have to put 19px (ugly number) instead of 20px (beautiful number) in the css and that makes me sad
designer: ah absolutely understandable carry on — laura bananas (@freezydorito) February 2, 2020
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Not watching the #SuperBowl. If I wanted to watch 40 minutes entertainment extended over 4 hours I'd have another crack at The Lord Of The Rings. — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) February 2, 2020
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And the name of my Peter André themed restaurant? Mysterious Grill. *investors applaud* — Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) February 3, 2020
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woman on the train just clutched her whole foods baguette so tightly when i sat down next to her you’d think i was jean valjean — taylor garron (@casualafro) January 31, 2020
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This is how to deal with spiders😏 pic.twitter.com/XvRzrs4aI6 — Owen (@TheOwenMyers) February 1, 2020
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who called it a voicemail and not a boomer-rang — andrew (@AndrewsNotFunny) February 3, 2020
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“No worries if not!” I cry cheerfully to my sobbing family as they sit around my death bed. “No worries if not!” my final breath expelled. “No worries if not!” stands my epitaph. But reader, there were worries. — Milly Thomas 🌈 (@missmillythomas) February 4, 2020
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thepoke--2020-02-07--These parents named their son ‘Andrew’ but people keep calling him ‘Andy’ and they’re furious

There ’ s a subReddit called ‘ insane parents ’ and it can be a very funny read .
It can sometimes be a very difficult read as well because some parents can be so … difficult .
Anyway , this is a classic of the genre , two parents who named their son Andrew but want to enforce some kind of universal condition that people are not allowed to call him ‘ Andy ’ .
Coz they hate ‘ Andy !
’ They rang into a local radio station with their dilemma and it was shared on Reddit by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ similar stories to share .
‘ I used to be a toddler teacher and worked with a kid whose mom INSISTED he was “ Samuel ” and NEVER “ Sam.
” Because she didn ’ t like the name Sam .
Which was so weird to me : if you don ’ t like the very common nickname , why name your kid that [ full ] name in the first place ?
Why not pick something else ?
We were just like , sure , okay… doesn ’ t matter to me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ school he ’ s just gon na be Sam either way so… hopefully she was able to unclench about that particular issue.
’ goblin___ ‘ I named my kid Dave & I don ’ t really care for the name David .
We were in a car accident & I had to give the insurance lady the names of everyone in the car .
When I got to him , she said , “ Oh , you mean David ?
” “ No , I get that a lot , but his name @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for a good 5-10 minutes that “ that ’ s not a real name ” & “ you can ’ t use nicknames on legal documents.
” When I got the paperwork from her a few weeks later , he was listed as David .
‘ Edited to eliminate the confusion of real name/nickname .
( If your name is David , don ’ t come after me !
I actually have nothing against the name .
This was just an equivalent substitute for his name . )
nosir_nomaam ‘ Ffs… .
I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ called Andy for 23 years .
Then a new boss said , you don ’ t look like an Andy to me , you look like an Andrew , can I call you that ?
“ Sure ” I say .
I ’ m 37 now .
All of my colleagues call me Andrew , my mom and sister call me Andy and I don ’ t feel at all confused or put down.
’ daemonx1 ‘ My brother is pushing 60 , to the world he is Dan or Daniel .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will always be Danny 😂 ’ oldladylivesinashoe ‘ I named my kid “ Maximus Decimus Meridius , Commander of the Armies of the North , General of the Felix Legions , loyal servant to the true emperor , Marcus Aurelius .
Father to a murdered son , husband to a murdered wife .
And I will have my vengeance , in this life or the next ” and I INSIST on using that full name everytime , never call them by the nickname Max , thanks.
’ meantism And there was also this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ therefore he is my property and I will make sure he and everyone else knows it .
This is all about ME and what I want .
I don ’ t care what my child who has feelings and opinions wants .
The only opinion that matters is MINE !
’ roccitybutthole This student ’ s text exchange with his entitled parents takes a scary but ultimately very satisfying turn

Popular
There’s a subReddit called ‘insane parents’ and it can be a very funny read. But it can also be a difficult read because some parents can be so … difficult.
Anyway, this is a classic of the genre, two parents who named their son Andrew but want to enforce some kind of universal condition that people are not allowed to call him ‘Andy’. Coz they hate ‘Andy!’
They rang into a local radio station with their dilemma and it was shared on Reddit by Wils53. This is how it went.
And people had lots of similar stories to share.
‘I used to be a toddler teacher and worked with a kid whose mom INSISTED he was “Samuel” and NEVER “Sam.” Because she didn’t like the name Sam. Which was so weird to me: if you don’t like the very common nickname, why name your kid that [full] name in the first place? Why not pick something else? We were just like, sure, okay… doesn’t matter to me. But once he gets to middle school he’s just gonna be Sam either way so… hopefully she was able to unclench about that particular issue.’ goblin___ ‘I named my kid Dave & I don’t really care for the name David. We were in a car accident & I had to give the insurance lady the names of everyone in the car. When I got to him, she said, “Oh, you mean David?” “No, I get that a lot, but his name is Dave.” She argued with me for a good 5-10 minutes that “that’s not a real name” & “you can’t use nicknames on legal documents.” When I got the paperwork from her a few weeks later, he was listed as David. ‘Edited to eliminate the confusion of real name/nickname. (If your name is David, don’t come after me! I actually have nothing against the name. This was just an equivalent substitute for his name.) nosir_nomaam ‘Ffs…. I’m an Andrew. I was called Andy for 23 years. Then a new boss said, you don’t look like an Andy to me, you look like an Andrew, can I call you that? “Sure” I say. I’m 37 now. All of my colleagues call me Andrew, my mom and sister call me Andy and I don’t feel at all confused or put down.’ daemonx1 ‘My brother is pushing 60, to the world he is Dan or Daniel. But to us, his family, he will always be Danny 😂’ oldladylivesinashoe ‘I named my kid “Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next” and I INSIST on using that full name everytime, never call them by the nickname Max, thanks.’ meantism
And there was also this …
‘I gave birth to him therefore he is my property and I will make sure he and everyone else knows it. This is all about ME and what I want. I don’t care what my child who has feelings and opinions wants. The only opinion that matters is MINE!’ roccitybutthole
READ MORE
This student’s text exchange with his entitled parents takes a scary but ultimately very satisfying turn
Source Reddit u/Wils53


thepoke--2020-02-07--You won’t see anything more surprised than this hamster given an unexpected prod

The look on the face of this hamster made us laugh because he ’ s so surprised and his expression @ @ @ @ @ for a moment or two , you understand .
Then it goes back to looking @ @ @ @ @ To be fair , that is the appropriate reaction to an unexpected poke near your @ @ @ @ @ ’ m laughing so hard but then I realized this poor creature ’ s basic @ @ @ @ @ threathening situation is to scream for mercy .
Like me.
’ Fibblemydipstick

Videos
The look on the face of this hamster made us laugh because he’s so surprised and his expression feels so human. Just for a moment or two, you understand. Then it goes back to looking like a hamster.
Surprise!
‘To be fair, that is the appropriate reaction to an unexpected poke near your butt.’ Leporine_Harvey ‘I’m laughing so hard but then I realized this poor creature’s basic reaction to a possible life threathening situation is to scream for mercy. Like me.’ Fibblemydipstick
And here it is again – with audio!
(via Reddit)
READ MORE
People can’t get enough of the look on this cat’s face
Source Reddit u/rafamaia11


thepoke--2020-02-07--18 irritating questions everyone asks while thinking they’re the first

Journalist and broadcaster , Pete Paphides , has been writing about and sharing music for decades , so he has @ @ @ @ @ the general public in a professional capacity , as well as by being recognisable to @ @ @ @ @ asked a question that implied a certain weary knowledge of the probable answers .
Twitter @ @ @ @ @ almost everyone who has contact with other people might be wandering around hoping they don @ @ @ @ @ one question – again .
We just know that you ’ re looking at some @ @ @ @ @ because you ’ ve said them yourself .
Oh , okay …we are .

Twitter
Journalist and broadcaster, Pete Paphides, has been writing about and sharing music for decades, so he has a wealth of dealing with the general public in a professional capacity, as well as by being recognisable to the fandom.
He recently asked a question that implied a certain weary knowledge of the probable answers.
Is there an aspect of your work that involves dealing with the public? Is there a particular thing that people say to you all the time whilst thinking they’re the first person to have said it? — Pete Paphides (@petepaphides) February 6, 2020
Twitter’s response suggests that almost everyone who has contact with other people might be wandering around hoping they don’t get asked that one question – again.
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Every make-up artist will tell you that any man sitting in a make-up chair for the first time will say ‘short back and sides please’ and wait for the laugh. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) February 6, 2020
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"O your little pictures really remind me of Quentin Blake!" (Said to every illustrator ever working in ink) — Danny Noble (@MundyMorn) February 7, 2020
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"this is strictly off the record"
YOU OVERESTIMATE HOW INTERESTING YOUR ANECDOTE IS. https://t.co/hr8xmvBcVK — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) February 7, 2020
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“Oh, I’ll tell you who’s funny…” — Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) February 7, 2020
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Back in the percussion-playing days, while trying to manoeuvre a heavy and cumbersome drum through a too-narrow door: ‘Bet you wish you played the piccolo!’ https://t.co/roewkQRpQg — Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) February 7, 2020
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Shuffling in pretending to be blind, then saying "two cod and chips please. This is the chippy isn't it?" in the every opticians practice I've ever worked in. — Tony Macklin (@MacklinTony) February 7, 2020
7.
“Oh, you must be good at Scrabble!” (Spoiler alert: I’m actually not very good at Scrabble) — Haggard Hawks 📚🦅 (@HaggardHawks) February 7, 2020
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When I worked in a restaurant, at a rough estimate I’d say approximately 460000% of people who ordered soup on a hot day would laugh about it and say “perfect for this weather!” and I would die a little inside every time. https://t.co/UrnXnC3JBV — Paul Anthony Jones (@paulanthjones) February 7, 2020
9.
I'm a nurse, when giving a drug I ask allergic to anything
Answer
Hospitals
Hahahaha — Colin Harvey Rowe (@colinhrowe) February 6, 2020
10.
"What do you think happened to Richey Edwards?" — Simon Price (@simon_price01) February 7, 2020
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“Ooh that must be really interesting. Does everything come alive at night?” When you work in a museum like me. https://t.co/MEW6K1A7Sd — K! (@kevak1969) February 7, 2020
12.
“Ooohhhh no sugar in my tea thanks! I’m sweet enough! Hahahahah” https://t.co/Cmuw4QIlNs — Abbie Chaundy (@AbbieChaundy) February 6, 2020
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“Oh youre a writer? Let me tell you in great detail about the unoriginal Bret Easton Ellis style novel I’ve been writing between working for a tech start-up—rather than ask you any questions about your work.” — All men. https://t.co/ne84geY98F — Chimene Suleyman (@chimenesuleyman) February 7, 2020
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So so so many. One of the worst is men over 50 (it’s always men over 50.) replying “nah I’ve left her in the house” with the occasional fun addition of “doing the dishes” when asked if they’d like a bag 🙄 https://t.co/Ly0IdWsvo4 — Mairi Morrison (@DoMairiAFavour) February 7, 2020
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“You must get a lot of Harry Potter jokes.” Never a Harry Potter joke, always the line, “You must get a lot of Harry Potter jokes.”
(Then I ask what Harry Potter is.) https://t.co/0276vp9VE5 — Hermione Hoby (@hermionehoby) February 7, 2020
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When I worked at Megabowl people giving you their shoes, seeing you holding the spray “oh you’d better give mine an extra spray”. Do you have any idea how many pairs of shoes you give out on a weekend https://t.co/5uS3srYU9L — Chris Tindall (@chewytheleftie) February 7, 2020
17.
‘What do you do?’
‘I have a travel business’
‘Oh well if you need someone to test out holidays for you!’
Yes Sheila, I make a living by sending people on free luxury holidays. — Sarah (@sarahholstead) February 7, 2020
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Working as a waiter in a seafood restaurant. Putting down the water & lemon finger bowl in advance. The man always: “soup’s a bit thin!” Or “is that my gin & tonic?”. Him: Guffaw guffaw. Me: ho ho — mel walden (@melwalden) February 7, 2020
We just know that you’re looking at some of those replies and cringing because you’ve said them yourself. Oh, okay …we are.
Source Pete Paphides Image @raphaellovaski on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-07--‘Best legal advice ever’ (and certainly the most NSFW)

This pair ’ s legal advice is a very funny watch and will leave you wanting to know so much more about them .
As lots of people have commented on Reddit , it ’ s like something out of a TV show like Better Call Saul .
In fact , it ’ s even more Saul Goodman than Saul Goodman .
And just a few of the many comments it prompted after it was shared by Redditor WesleySnape who said : ‘ Best legal advice ever.
’ Chances are you didn ’ t come here for legal advice – @ @ @ @ @ @ @ say we ’ re not condoning or condemning or indeed recommending anything this pair has to say .
But if you really are in need of legal advice , there was also this .
‘ These guys attended Western State College of Law in Southern California .
While it is ABA accredited , i.e.
, it ’ s not a rinky-dink clown school , it ’ s not highly ranked .
‘ As an attorney in CA myself , this type of statement is very risky and stupid .
The advice they are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ answer any questions police ask you ( one exception discussed below ) , but the way they are providing it by referencing “ illegal ” dispensaries makes it borderline a legal ethics violation .
‘ The exception to the rule : If you are pulled over for a traffic violation or suspected DUI , when they ask you if you know why you ’ ve been pulled over or if you have had anything to drink , you say NO .
Don ’ t apologize , don ’ t give excuses , just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and shut up .
‘ If they continue asking questions , ask them if you are being detained , if they say yes , tell them you want to speak to your lawyer ( doesn ’ t matter if you have one ) , at that point they can not continue questioning.
’ Ap0llo

Videos
This pair’s legal advice is a very funny watch and will leave you wanting to know so much more about them.
As lots of people have commented on Reddit, it’s like something out of a TV show like Better Call Saul. In fact, it’s even more Saul Goodman than Saul Goodman.
And just a few of the many comments it prompted after it was shared by Redditor WesleySnape who said: ‘Best legal advice ever.’
‘Reminds me of Saul Goodman.’ Virtuousmortal ‘STFU fridays. LOL.’ Zeldahero
Chances are you didn’t come here for legal advice – whyever not? – but just to say we’re not condoning or condemning or indeed recommending anything this pair has to say.
But if you really are in need of legal advice, there was also this.
‘These guys attended Western State College of Law in Southern California. While it is ABA accredited, i.e., it’s not a rinky-dink clown school, it’s not highly ranked. ‘As an attorney in CA myself, this type of statement is very risky and stupid. The advice they are providing is sound, you should never answer any questions police ask you (one exception discussed below), but the way they are providing it by referencing “illegal” dispensaries makes it borderline a legal ethics violation. ‘The exception to the rule: If you are pulled over for a traffic violation or suspected DUI, when they ask you if you know why you’ve been pulled over or if you have had anything to drink, you say NO. Don’t apologize, don’t give excuses, just say no, follow their directions, and shut up. ‘If they continue asking questions, ask them if you are being detained, if they say yes, tell them you want to speak to your lawyer (doesn’t matter if you have one), at that point they cannot continue questioning.’ Ap0llo
Funny, though.
Source Reddit u/WesleySnape


thepoke--2020-02-07--This video about the levels of sugar in ‘healthy’ food is enlightening and infuriating

Even if you knew this already – you probably won ’ t be surprised by Nutella – this is still @ @ @ @ @ video about the levels of sugar in ‘ healthy ’ and ‘ breakfast ’ foods @ @ @ @ @ .
And if you ’ re curious about that info graphic about the different names @ @ @ @ @ blaming working mums for childhood obesity – the only four reactions you need to read

Videos
Even if you knew this already – you probably won’t be surprised by Nutella – this is still a great watch, a video about the levels of sugar in ‘healthy’ and ‘breakfast’ foods which went viral on Reddit.
And if you’re curious about that infographic about the different names for sugar …
(via)
READ MORE
Scientists are blaming working mums for childhood obesity – the only four reactions you need to read
Source Reddit u/lolaBe1


thepoke--2020-02-07--Someone in Tesco has a NSFW sense of humour

At the time of writing , it ’ s only a week until Valentine ’ s Day , or “ @ @ @ @ @ Day ” , as it ’ s also known .
All the supermarkets are pushing @ @ @ @ @ undies , as well as greetings cards the size of a small car , although @ @ @ @ @ be bought on the evening of the 13th in a flat panic .
Tesco seems @ @ @ @ @ with this recommendation .
Perhaps they ’ re suggesting them as a vegan alternative to @ @ @ @ @ ’ ll be it .

Pics
At the time of writing, it’s only a week until Valentine’s Day, or “Hallmark wants a bigger profit Day”, as it’s also known.
All the supermarkets are pushing the chocs and the nice undies, as well as greetings cards the size of a small car, although most gifts are going to be bought on the evening of the 13th in a flat panic.
Tesco seems to have gone too far with this recommendation.
Perhaps they’re suggesting them as a vegan alternative to chocolates. Yes, that’ll be it.
Source Reddit Image Reddit @nicotito on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-07--A multimillionaire invented bin pods for the homeless and was widely rubbished

Despite a slight drop in homeless numbers from 2018 to 2019 , trumpeted by the government as proof their policies @ @ @ @ @ of people without a permanent place to live has skyrocketed since 2010 .
One former @ @ @ @ @ , Peter Dawe , has come up with a solution – according to him .
@ @ @ @ @ shows what he ’ s made .
So , let ’ s get this straight @ @ @ @ @ sum up the general feeling towards the invention .
Tweeter , @ dubdubble had an @ @ @ @ @ Someone tried to use maths to criticise a homelessness policy and got murdered with words

Twitter
Despite a slight drop in homeless numbers from 2018 to 2019, trumpeted by the government as proof their policies are working, the numbers of people without a permanent place to live has skyrocketed since 2010.
One former Brexit Party candidate and multimillionaire, Peter Dawe, has come up with a solution – according to him.
This video from The Mirror shows what he’s made.
via Gfycat
So, let’s get this straight –
He’s fastened two bins together It’s not rainproof He’s charging £100 per pod
These reactions from Twitter sum up the general feeling towards the invention.
1.
I'd like to introduce my new Homelessness Tzar. https://t.co/CqhDewZHPC — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 5, 2020
2.
Or, as the world’s sixth richest country, we could just build enough decent homes that people can afford to live in.https://t.co/aRhNVK4wo9 — Rebecca Long-Bailey (@RLong_Bailey) February 6, 2020
3.
Multi-millionaire former Brexit Party candidate telling the homeless to sleep in wheely bins. I've got a radical idea myself. How about the government provides rough sleepers with social housing instead?https://t.co/rEqH1SDNdC — David Lammy (@DavidLammy) February 5, 2020
4.
"let them sleep in bins"
Fucking foul https://t.co/2YoBF8ST4m — •• (@agirlcalledlina) February 5, 2020
5.
As optics go, this has to be on the ‘appalling’ end of the spectrum. https://t.co/OP1V8TtvUn — Ms. D (@Danvers07943910) February 6, 2020
6.
Get you the charitable spirit of a multimillionaire trying to make more money by selling sleeping bins to the homeless https://t.co/X9oy51ktpd — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 5, 2020
7.
“Invents” bin pods is a bit of a fucking stretch of the imagination for “push two bins together” is it not? Fucking “invents bin pods”?!? Where the fuck do you think they’ve been sleeping you utter melt, the Radisson? https://t.co/SbKRCY7BEP — WeeHalfPint (@weehalfpintt) February 5, 2020
8.
You might think this is a thoroughly fucking terrible idea that is equal parts heartless and insulting, but once you factor in the fact that it costs £100, I think you’ll agree that this person is an amoral streak of shit who needs to fuck permanently off.https://t.co/lXwGGqsRUh —  Max  (@SpillerOfTea) February 5, 2020
9.
Multimillionaire invents 'bin pods' for rough sleepers by joining wheelie bins together Welcome to Boris Johnson’s “golden age” https://t.co/hn5cCm7iFl — Peter Stefanovic (@PeterStefanovi2) February 5, 2020
10.
“You know, if Millionaires like me pay our fair share in in tax then we might have the money to alleviate homeless….No, No fuck that. Put them in bins” https://t.co/80X02zKGyJ — Ben (@BenJolly9) February 5, 2020
11.
A multimillionaire puts two trash bins together and sells them to alleviate ‘the homeless problem’. But who will solve ‘the multimillionaire problem’? https://t.co/OsOyN6CeQn — Steve Asbell is Stimming (@steve_asbell) February 5, 2020
Tweeter, @dubdubble had an idea of their own.
This prick needs to get in a fucking bin and stay there.https://t.co/QL8pPV7KmZ — dubdubble (@dubdubble) February 6, 2020
READ MORE
Someone tried to use maths to criticise a homelessness policy and got murdered with words
Source The Mirror Image The Mirror


thepoke--2020-02-07--17 hilarious times people seemed to be ill – but they really weren’t

Writer Mark Shrayber recently shared a story about an incredibly embarrassing mistake he ’ d made after treating himself to @ @ @ @ @ post went viral , partly because it was pretty funny , but also because it @ @ @ @ @ these similar anecdotes hilariously demonstrate .

Twitter
Writer Mark Shrayber recently shared a story about an incredibly embarrassing mistake he’d made after treating himself to some new jeans.
Went to the ER because “my legs have turned blue and Web MD says I have deep vein thrombosis.” Was this it? The big one? No! I have the “dumbass who doesn’t wash his new jeans before wearing them” disease and I would like to be executed immediately. — Mark (@MShrayber) January 25, 2020
His post went viral, partly because it was pretty funny, but also because it was highly relatable, as these similar anecdotes hilariously demonstrate.
1.
A day after my husband got his appendix out he was in agony. He was so sore that he was crying. He said it was worse than the appendicitis. A nurse moved him on to his side and moved up his knee. He then gave out the longest, biggest fart and was absolutely fine after it. — Jackie B (@itsnottuesday) January 26, 2020
2.
I took my ex to the ER because he was in tears from abdominal pains. He wouldn’t go on his own because he was “afraid they’re going to find something seriously wrong with [him].” There was, he needed more fiber in his diet because his poop was all stopped up. pic.twitter.com/LFIEzoqK0U — Valentine’s Day Sassacre  (@HeauxP) January 26, 2020
3.
If it makes you feel better, I had abdominal surgery and ended up back in the ER the next day because my stool was red. They tested a sample, of course, then one nurse asked: what have you been eating? And that's how I found out living on jello for a while can stain things. — Trace the Mighty  (@thetidebreaks) January 25, 2020
4.
Went through a phase where I was seriously concerned I had a brain tumor or something because everything I ate – including things like pasta with marinara sauce- tasted like peppermint. Finally realized a bottle of peppermint extract had spilled all over my pots and pans — Stephanie H. Damassa (@SLHDC) January 25, 2020
5.
My daughter took her child to the dr after noticing a weird black area on the roof of her mouth. It was ‘pussy and oozing’. Turns out she’d eaten a plum and some of the skin had attached to the roof for a couple days. — Hello  (@fiscalconserve) January 27, 2020
6.
My daughter, at 15, googled her symptoms and called me at work in a panic because she had all the signs of sickle cell anemia. Once I stopped laughing I asked if she had read anything about the disease..she said no. I made my lily white child ho google the disease — Susan kamppi #resignnow (@susankamppi) January 26, 2020
7.
Reminds me of the time I was about to take my 6 month old to the ER because his foot was purple. Turned out SOMEBODY forgot to add on his daycare sheet that they were doing foot print painting that day — Black Girl Reviews (@moviebuffchick2) January 26, 2020
8.
Had a dr apt two days ago bc my 2yr old had jet black poop. Turns out my 6yr old has been training him to play nice with Black licorice and Oreos…. like a lot of Oreos.. learned a lot about my kids only cost me $80 bucks and some embarrassment. — A.Jay (@imhiding_goaway) January 26, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-02-07--“It was at that moment she knew she’d messed up” – a little girl’s close encounter with a pepper

Children can be very fussy eaters , so it ’ s a refreshing change to see one who really enjoys @ @ @ @ @ point .
We aren ’ t sure whether this little girl is tasting a jalapeno @ @ @ @ @ or it ’ s just the first time she ’ s tried to eat one @ @ @ @ @ way , her expression is something special .
Some thought it was cruel … Others @ @ @ @ @ learning opportunity .
Mostly , people just thought it was funny .
Whichever position you @ @ @ @ @ Chalmers was onto something with this .
For about a week , at least .
@ @ @ @ @ as she has her first taste of ice-cream is hilariously relatable

Videos
Children can be very fussy eaters, so it’s a refreshing change to see one who really enjoys her veg …up to a point.
We aren’t sure whether this little girl is tasting a jalapeno for the first time, or it’s just the first time she’s tried to eat one like an apple.
Either way, her expression is something special.
The video received a mixed reaction.
Some thought it was cruel …
Others felt it was a great learning opportunity.
Mostly, people just thought it was funny.
Whichever position you take, we reckon Sammie Chalmers was onto something with this.
For about a week, at least.
READ MORE
This baby’s face as she has her first taste of ice-cream is hilariously relatable
Source TikTok Image TikTok


thepoke--2020-02-07--People were bristling at the idea of bells and flags for Prince Andrew’s birthday – 9 ringing takedo

People were bristling at the idea of bells and flags for Prince Andrew’s birthday – 9 ringing takedowns

On the 19th of February , Prince Andrew will turn 60 .
As he is the son of the Queen @ @ @ @ @ would be appropriate for councils to fly the Union Flag on that day , and @ @ @ @ @ .
Although the advice was pulled later the same day due to complaints , Westminster @ @ @ @ @ be rung for the occasion .
With controversy surrounding Prince Andrew over his friendship with @ @ @ @ @ Epstein , as well as allegations he strongly denies of both sexual offences and refusal @ @ @ @ @ investigation , Twitter weighed in on the suggested celebrations .
Before the government ’ s @ @ @ @ @ lowered and thrown in a bin , Liverpool City Council was leading the rallying cry @ @ @ @ @ 7 reactions you need to Prince Andrew ’ s failure to contact the FBI

News
On the 19th of February, Prince Andrew will turn 60. As he is the son of the Queen, the government felt it would be appropriate for councils to fly the Union Flag on that day, and they out sent a reminder.
Government orders councils to fly Union Jack flags for Prince Andrew's birthday. Welcome to Boris Johnson’s “golden age” https://t.co/UNs8ZOMuk2 — Peter Stefanovic (@PeterStefanovi2) February 6, 2020
Although the advice was pulled later the same day due to complaints, Westminster Abbey confirmed that bells would be rung for the occasion.
Bells to ring out at Westminster Abbey to mark Prince Andrew's 60th birthday https://t.co/BbCB5udoJy — Sky News (@SkyNews) February 6, 2020
With controversy surrounding Prince Andrew over his friendship with convicted sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein, as well as allegations he strongly denies of both sexual offences and refusal to cooperate with an FBI investigation, Twitter weighed in on the suggested celebrations.
1.
You know who deserves their birthday to be celebrated with bells ringing out in Westminster Abbey more than Prince Andrew? Literally anybody who hasn't been having week long break up parties with convicted paedophiles and claiming they can't be a nonce because they don't sweat. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 6, 2020
2.
Nothing to see here, just the established church ringing the bells of one of its most important buildings to celebrate the birthday of a guy whose defence to allegations of noncery was, “Um, I don’t remember,” and, “Pizza Express.” All lovely and normal.https://t.co/vVewPuEd2O — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) February 6, 2020
3.
4.
At last! A reason to tweet the much under-used 'don't ring the bells' emoji! 🔕🔕🔕🔕 https://t.co/3iEPOmciU4 — James Farrell (@jamesgfarrell) February 6, 2020
5.
Aye alarm bells https://t.co/eOItULLpzw — Cat Boyd (@kittycatboyd) February 6, 2020
6.
Fuck it, let's go for broke and have a peal every Halloween for Savile's birthday. https://t.co/2Ef8dpU5AJ — Louis Barfe and his Harmonica Gang (@AlanKelloggs) February 6, 2020
7.
8.
I see reports that town halls have been instructed to "fly the flag" for Prince Andrew's birthday on Feb 19th. Town halls tend to show the flag all the time anyway but I note that he will be 60, roughly equivalent to the combined ages of four of Jeffrey Epstein's victims. — Paul (@PaulOnBooks) February 6, 2020
9.
The only places that should be flying the Union Jack for Prince Andrew’s 60th birthday on 19 February are Pizza Express in Woking and maybe an anti-perspirant factory — Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) February 6, 2020
Before the government’s flag ruling had been unceremoniously lowered and thrown in a bin, Liverpool City Council was leading the rallying cry against it.
Government: 'Fly this flag to mark the 60th birthday of Prince Andrew' Liverpool: 'No'https://t.co/Lvg5CDxD5Y — Liam Thorp (@LiamThorpECHO) February 6, 2020
Now, that’s a Northern Powerhouse.
READ MORE
The only 7 reactions you need to Prince Andrew’s failure to contact the FBI
Source Twitter Image BBC @antoniolio on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-07--Phone-in caller who wants to bring back hanging destroys himself with his own words and it’s brillia

Phone-in caller who wants to bring back hanging destroys himself with his own words and it’s brilliant

This is one minute and 46 seconds very , very well spent .
It ’ s a caller to James @ @ @ @ @ show on LBC who wants to make the most out of Brexit by bringing back @ @ @ @ @ he wants to do it in the Budget .
But that ’ s enough from @ @ @ @ @ for yourself .
You ’ ll be punching the air by the end , although @ @ @ @ @ punch yourself in the face .
And as many people pointed out about Rose West @

Videos
This is one minute and 46 seconds very, very well spent. It’s a caller to James O’Brien’s show on LBC who wants to make the most out of Brexit by bringing back the death penalty.
And he wants to do it in the Budget.
But that’s enough from us, have a listen for yourself. You’ll be punching the air by the end, although you might also want to punch yourself in the face.
“Now that we’ve left we can bring back the death penalty”
“When did abolish it”
“1960s”
“And when join the EU”
“1970s”
“Who would you kill first”
“Rose West”
“I think she’s dead”
…
“Nevertheless my point stands, bye”pic.twitter.com/Z4IRu7Ko1y — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 6, 2020
Simply glorious.
I"ve always thought, the only thing that could deter a suicide bomber was the death penalty. — James Doleman (@jamesdoleman) February 6, 2020
"What, in the Budget?" – beautiful comic timing from O'Brien. — Alex Brownlee-Stokes (@Fatpantswatch) February 6, 2020
Yeah it's a different world now. Whoever heard of there being terrorism in the 1970s? — Kyle Glover (@kyleg1461) February 6, 2020
And as many people pointed out about Rose West …
[i know she’s alive, but the caller didn’t] — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 6, 2020
To conclude, this.
My favourite caller this year — Ava-Santina (@AvaSantina) February 6, 2020
READ MORE
‘James O’Brien Is A Wanker’ Day backfired massively – 14 unexpected tributes
Source Twitter @JimMFelton


thepoke--2020-02-07--Most brutal comeback you’ll read this week

You ’ ll no doubt be aware of the mostly entirely irritating thing some people have of posting pictures of @ @ @ @ @ random question .
Except every now and again someone comes up with an answer that @ @ @ @ @ makes it all worthwhile .
Well , most of it .
An answer like this @ @ @ @ @ of the week ( not this one , no )

Pics
You’ll no doubt be aware of the mostly entirely irritating thing some people have of posting pictures of themselves on Twitter with a random question.
Except every now and again someone comes up with an answer that’s so perfect it makes it all worthwhile. Well, most of it.
An answer like this, for example.
Brutally simple, and simply brutal.
READ MORE
Takedown of the week (not this one, no)
Source Reddit u/harry12329


thepoke--2020-02-10--The payoff to this cat playing with a brown marmorated stink bug is unreasonably amusing

We have to confess we hadn ’ t come across a brown marmorated stink bug before but we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s pretty stinky .
Exactly how stinky we reckon we can guess from @ @ @ @ @ that unwisely decided to play a game with one of them .
And even though @ @ @ @ @ idea of what was going to happen next , it still gave us a good @ @

Videos
We have to confess we hadn’t come across a brown marmorated stink bug before but we’re guessing, you know, it’s pretty stinky.
Exactly how stinky we can guess from this video of a cat that unwisely decided to play a game with one of them.
And even though we had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen next, its appalled expression is still something special.
One down, eight to go.
READ MORE
‘Peeping Tom cat caught in bed’
Source Reddit u/GlobalSweet


thepoke--2020-02-10--Bill Murray wins golf shot of the week

Bill Murray wins golf shot of the week

Not often we feature golf in these pages for possibly obvious reasons , but for Bill Murray you make an @ @ @ @ @ does this .
‘ Bill Murray is a prime example of someone who could literally @ @ @ @ @ wanted and has yet to let that power corrupt him.
’ Lithium98 ‘ He still @ @ @ @ @ gopher.
’ Tonto_HdG The internet can ’ t decide if this is a photo of @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Not often we feature golf in these pages for possibly obvious reasons, but for Bill Murray you make an exception.
Especially when he does this.
Bill Murray with the best thing you’ll see today. Just wait for the club flip 😂 pic.twitter.com/eDobeAkyVH — 95.7 The Game (@957thegame) February 9, 2020
Magic putt.
‘Bill Murray is a prime example of someone who could literally do whatever the fuck they wanted and has yet to let that power corrupt him.’ Lithium98 ‘He still hasn’t got the gopher.’ Tonto_HdG
READ MORE
The internet can’t decide if this is a photo of Tom Hanks or Bill Murray
Source Twitter @957thegame H/T Reddit u/shawnwildermuth


thepoke--2020-02-10--‘Peeping Tom cat caught in bed’

‘Peeping Tom cat caught in bed’

This manages to be simultaneously expected and totally unexpected .
‘ Peeping Tom cat caught in bed , ’ writes @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Cat is absolutely enthralled by that bird video.
’ AbundantFailure And here it is @ @ @ @ @ on this cat ’ s face when the vet says it ’ s pregnant

Videos
This manages to be simultaneously expected and totally unexpected.
‘Peeping Tom cat caught in bed,’ writes karlie_karlmann over on Reddit.
‘Cat is absolutely enthralled by that bird video.’ AbundantFailure ‘This is Adorable.’ GabeHCoudami ‘I need that bird video.’ shed_the_light
And here it is!
READ MORE
People love the look on this cat’s face when the vet says it’s pregnant
Source Reddit u/karlie_karlmann


thepoke--2020-02-10--Watch a doctor react to an anti-vaxxer’s ingenious alternative to vaccines

Dr Mike or Mikhail Varshavski , is a genuine doctor who also has a very funny and informative YouTube channel .
He busts the myths surrounding medical matters and gives the facts on things in the public consciousness , such as the coronavirus , or vaccines .
In this clip shared to Reddit , he reacts with incredulity to an anti-vaxxers idea for an alternative to vaccines .
We know they said they ’ re not anti-vax , but when that statement ’ s followed up with “ but … ” , you can bet your boots they actually are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reactions from Redditors .
It would be great if they ’ d do the same thing with some homeless guy on the street .
The guy would be like , “ Yeah , that ’ s what a fucking vaccine is .
Now can you spare some change ?
“ .
It ’ s mind blowing that some people are that dumb .
What is the antivaxx endgame ?
No one is vaccinated ?
Do they realise we ’ d all be dead , them included , if no one was vaccinated ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ you have to be to think that ’ s ok ?
?
AntiAllesFraktion added this damning assessment of the original poster ’ s credentials .
An anti-medicine advocate needed a doctor after these 9 surgical takedowns

Videos
Dr Mike or Mikhail Varshavski, is a genuine doctor who also has a very funny and informative YouTube channel.
He busts the myths surrounding medical matters and gives the facts on things in the public consciousness, such as the coronavirus, or vaccines.
In this clip shared to Reddit, he reacts with incredulity to an anti-vaxxers idea for an alternative to vaccines.
We know they said they’re not anti-vax, but when that statement’s followed up with “but …”, you can bet your boots they actually are.
Here are some of the best reactions from Redditors.
Sometimes Antivaxxers antivaxx so hard, they go back to inventing vaccines. AntiAllesFraktion
It would be great if they’d do the same thing with some homeless guy on the street. The guy would be like, “Yeah, that’s what a fucking vaccine is. Now can you spare some change? “. It’s mind blowing that some people are that dumb. d1sass3mbled
What is the antivaxx endgame? No one is vaccinated? Do they realise we’d all be dead, them included, if no one was vaccinated? How fucking selfish and downright stupid do you have to be to think that’s ok?? SaintlySaint
AntiAllesFraktion added this damning assessment of the original poster’s credentials.
“You are the worst antivaxxer to ever antivaxx.“
READ MORE
An anti-medicine advocate needed a doctor after these 9 surgical takedowns
Source Reddit Image Reddit


thepoke--2020-02-10--‘I died on the inside as much as he did’

There ’ s a rather fabulous subReddit called ‘ Watch People Die Inside ’ which captures people at the moment @ @ @ @ @ humiliation , that kind of thing .
But it ’ s not often that it @ @ @ @ @ the same time , which makes this moment all the more special .
‘ I @ @ @ @ @ convinced that this isn ’ t NSFW.
’ NittanySteve ‘ I ’ m not 100 @ @ @ @ @ legal.
’ mjtg25 People shared experiences that made them die a little inside and these @ @ @ @

Videos
There’s a rather fabulous subReddit called ‘Watch People Die Inside’ which captures people at the moment of excruciating public embarrassment or humiliation, that kind of thing.
But it’s not often that it captures two people dying at the same time, which makes this moment all the more special.
‘I’m not 100% convinced that this isn’t NSFW.’ NittanySteve ‘I’m not 100% convinced that this is legal.’ mjtg25
College can really change people.
READ MORE
People shared experiences that made them die a little inside and these 23 are brilliantly excruciating
Source Reddit u/road_kill9


thepoke--2020-02-10--‘The burn of the highest order’

‘The burn of the highest order’

Still early we know but this must be a leading contender for takedown of the year .
It begins with @ @ @ @ @ who is keen – very keen – to warn against the dangers of ‘ playing @ @ @ @ @ which ‘ need no interference ’ .
Because they ’ re just perfect like they @ @ @ @ @ the response is just … perfect .
‘ My sister said she didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ next time she was sick and if it was her time she ’ d just @ @ @ @ @ her if she was going to look for cars next time she crossed the street @ @ @ @ @ , walk and hope it wasn ’ t her time.
’ maxmynameismax Favourite 7 takedowns @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Jesus wasn ’ t vaccinated ’ T-shirt

Popular
Still early we know but this must be a leading contender for takedown of the year.
It begins with this post by an anti-vaxxer who is keen – very keen – to warn against the dangers of ‘playing God’ with our bodies which ‘need no interference’.
Because they’re just perfect like they are, right? And the response is just … perfect.
Boom!
‘My sister said she didn’t want to go on medicine next time she was sick and if it was her time she’d just accept it. ‘I asked her if she was going to look for cars next time she crossed the street. Just close her eyes, walk and hope it wasn’t her time.’ maxmynameismax
READ MORE
Favourite 7 takedowns of this anti-vaxxer and her ‘Jesus wasn’t vaccinated’ T-shirt
Source Reddit u/shampoo_and_dick


thepoke--2020-02-10--‘The power of make-up’

‘The power of make-up’

The transformative power of make-up , as illustrated by this makeover of a , er , potato , shared by @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t look at potatoes the same anymore.
’ xJGx27x ‘ I think she @ @ @ @ @ ’ fuzzihandcuf ‘ She really should smile more , though.
’ NikkoE82

The transformative power of make-up, as illustrated by this makeover of a, er, potato, shared by Redditor conianz.
Before.
And after!
Beauty is not potato skin deep.
‘Would mash, butter, and salt.’ Maggiemayday
‘I can’t look at potatoes the same anymore.’ xJGx27x
‘That’s one hot potato.’ wizardqueen2626
‘I think she looks better on the left.’ fuzzihandcuf
‘She really should smile more, though.’ NikkoE82


thepoke--2020-02-10--This busker caused an unexpected outbreak of joy on the London Underground

It sometimes feels as though the UK has been miserable forever , and it ’ s certainly been grumpy for @ @ @ @ @ years , so when commuters spontaneously joined in with busker Wilfy Williams at Leicester Square @ @ @ @ @ joyous .
There may have been some health and safety issues , but it still @ @ @ @ @ the Underground has ever seen .
Author and musician , Giles Paley-Phillips spotted the uplifting @ @ @ @ @ it with his Twitter followers .
The clip has now been viewed almost two and @ @ @ @ @ Twitter alone , with even more watching Wilfy ’ s Facebook video , and it @ @ @ @ @ across the internet .
Of course , some people noticed it was somewhat out of @ @ @ @ @ .
Someone who may or may not be photographer Mike McCartney , brother of Paul @ @ @ @ @ convinced that it had really happened .
Perhaps this eyewitness might have convinced him .
@ @ @ @ @ about himself from his reaction to the post .

Twitter
It sometimes feels as though the UK has been miserable forever, and it’s certainly been grumpy for the last three or four years, so when commuters spontaneously joined in with busker Wilfy Williams at Leicester Square station, it was particularly joyous.
There may have been some health and safety issues, but it still looks like the best day the Underground has ever seen.
Author and musician, Giles Paley-Phillips spotted the uplifting video, and he shared it with his Twitter followers.
We need more of this kind of joy in the world pic.twitter.com/8rPjR1ZhY4 — Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) February 9, 2020
The clip has now been viewed almost two and a half million times on Twitter alone, with even more watching Wilfy’s Facebook video, and it’s spreading the joy across the internet.
This is the kind of joy we need! Ace work @WilfyWMusic 😎✨ https://t.co/eG1yQwE8Vb — Miranda Dickinson (@wurdsmyth) February 10, 2020
YES PLS TO MORE OF THIS ❤ https://t.co/kylxEupZPU — Stacey Dooley (@StaceyDooley) February 9, 2020
Wow, Twitter is a damn joy this morning…🌴❤ https://t.co/9aRelprHr9 — KT TUNSTALL (@KTTunstall) February 9, 2020
Beatles songs still uplifting everyone after all these years — Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) February 9, 2020
Of course, some people noticed it was somewhat out of character for the capital city.
Every last Londoner in this video is a pod person, no exceptions pic.twitter.com/Rm8W9cU5Dh — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 9, 2020
Where the hell is this and what have they done with London? pic.twitter.com/JSUzXAiHez — Tom Hale🐐 (@tommyhale91) February 9, 2020
Someone who may or may not be photographer Mike McCartney, brother of Paul, wasn’t quite convinced that it had really happened.
Sadly it looks like a set up…if only⁉ — Mike McCartney (@_MikeMcCartney_) February 9, 2020
Perhaps this eyewitness might have convinced him.
It really isn’t, saw it happen… this was preceded by a belting chorus of Wonderwall 😂 — the seshial one (@CoolCalmPoch) February 9, 2020
MP Wes Streeting learnt something about himself from his reaction to the post.
The horror with which I greeted this, admittedly wholesome and joyful content, has made me realise the extent to which I have been institutionalised as a lifelong Londoner. https://t.co/C7VSuQ8paN — Wes Streeting MP (@wesstreeting) February 9, 2020
Cynicism is contagious.
READ MORE
Busker plays Hallelujah on wine glasses
Source Wilfy Williams Image Wilfy Williams


thepoke--2020-02-10--Child actress Julia Butters was asked what’s in her bag and it’s Greg James’ favourite Oscars moment

There was lots to love about this year ’ s Oscars – Parasite making history by taking the best picture @ @ @ @ @ s very funny presenter speech , Brad Pitt sticking it to Donald Trump – but @ @ @ @ @ favourite .
It was certainly Greg James ’ favourite bit – the Radio 1 breakfast @ @ @ @ @ – and it really is a rather lovely exchange .
It ’ s child star @ @ @ @ @ in Quentin Tarantino ’ s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood – being asked what @ @ @ @ @ her bag .
And we loved it because it ’ s exactly the sort of @ @ @ @ @ .
Everyone should bring a sandwich to an awards do because they ’ re long @ @ @ @ @ a packet of Monster Munch .

Videos
There was lots to love about this year’s Oscars – Parasite making history by taking the best picture prize, Olivia Colman’s very funny presenter speech, Brad Pitt sticking it to Donald Trump – but this bit might be the best.
It was certainly Greg James’ favourite bit – the Radio 1 breakfast DJ said so on Twitter – and it really is a rather lovely exchange.
It’s child star Julia Butters – she was in Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood – being asked what she’s got in her bag.
Best bit of the Oscars by a mile. Booking Julia Butters for the breakfast show ASAP pic.twitter.com/UYBCjF0Lrw — Greg James (@gregjames) February 10, 2020
And we loved it because it’s exactly the sort of thing we’d do. Not necessarily turkey. But definitely a sandwich. And a packet of Monster Munch.
Got to love the squish it back in the bag technique! — Emma Foale (@LittleEms5) February 10, 2020
"Did your Mom make it?" "We collabbb'ddd" Oh my! #Oscar2020 — Roly (@rtbh) February 10, 2020
Hahaha a total mood! What a queen! 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻 — Claire (@ClaireNotts) February 10, 2020
READ MORE GREG JAMES …
Greg James was appalled this BBC canteen missed the obvious pun and the internet was there for him
… AND MORE OSCARS
Olivia Colman won the Oscars with the funniest speech of the night
Source Twitter @gregjames


thepoke--2020-02-10--Favourite 4 pisstakes of the Daily Mirror after it called a trampoline a ‘bounce based toy’

As sure as night follows day , so will extremely windy weather conditions be followed by a newspaper story about @ @ @ @ @ somewhere it shouldn ’ t .
This Daily Mirror tale was made extra special – @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter – by the fact that the person who wrote it – or , @ @ @ @ @ who wrote the tweet – had never heard of a trampoline .
And , as @ @ @ @ @ grammar expert pointed out , they also missed the hyphen out of ‘ bounce-based ’ @ @ @ @ @ a double fail ( if not quite so spectacular on the second count ) .
@ @ @ @ @ favourite pisstakes ( the tweet has since been deleted , hence all those ‘ unavailables @ @ @ @ @ mention to follow @ JimMFelton on Twitter ?
Storm Ciara has been making its presence @ @ @ @ @ reactions

Twitter
As sure as night follows day, so will extremely windy weather conditions be followed by a newspaper story about a trampoline that ended up somewhere it shouldn’t.
This Daily Mirror tale was made extra special – as highlighted by @JimMFelton on Twitter – by the fact that the person who wrote it (or, at least, the person who wrote the tweet) had never heard of a trampoline.
And, as the Poke’s resident grammar expert pointed out, they also missed the hyphen out of ‘bounce-based’, so it’s a double fail (if not quite so spectacular on the second count).
And here are our 5 favourite pisstakes (the tweet has since been deleted, hence all those ‘unavailables’.
If you ever feel like you’re too unqualified to apply for a job, The Daily Mirror staff don’t know the word “trampoline” https://t.co/UQiP33KIXM — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 9, 2020
Bounce based toy flies onto choo-choo metal travel road-sticks — Steve Tayler (@covstarlite) February 10, 2020
It’s actually only a trampoline if made in the trampoline region in France, otherwise it’s just a bounce based toy. — Wills (@WillandWiller) February 10, 2020
“How did that bounce-based toy get *there* …?” https://t.co/s4plGDsizM — Andrew James Carter (@Carter_AndrewJ) February 10, 2020
And did we mention to follow @JimMFelton on Twitter?
READ MORE
Storm Ciara has been making its presence felt – our 12 favourite reactions
Source @JimMFelton


thepoke--2020-02-10--Bradley Walsh’s chat with this Doctor Who fan ended with a most unfortunate double entendre

Bradley Walsh ’ s chat with this Doctor Who fan on The Chase took an unfortunate turn .
So unfortunate @ @ @ @ @ programme makers decided it shouldn ’ t make the final cut of the ITV quiz @ @ @ @ @ a contestant called Alex who , well , have a watch for yourself .
The @ @ @ @ @ programme a little while back but didn ’ t make the quiz show proper , @ @ @ @ @ surprised to find out .
Not the first time The Chase has featured on these @ @ @ @ @ the ‘ greatest quiz round ever ’ ?

Videos
Bradley Walsh’s chat with this Doctor Who fan on The Chase took an unfortunate turn.
It’s a contestant called Alex who’s a big fan of comic book conventions and, well, have a watch for yourself.
Did you watch The Chase today? Guess which bit was edited out 😂😂 BTW Bradley Walsh is hilarious pic.twitter.com/NbcFIr0vaz — Huggy Bear (@Iainmackay8) February 7, 2020
The clip featured in a bloopers programme a little while back but didn’t make the quiz show proper, you’re probably not surprised to find out.
‘Do you go to all the Comic Cons?’ ‘I’ve been to about 30 of them so far.’ ‘You into them?’ ‘Yeah, great time.’ ‘I think they’re great, I turned up for a separate do at the Excel centre and all these people were walking around in costumes, I thought what’s going on and someone told me and I thought it was brilliant.’ ‘I might have bumped into you.’ ‘You might have done. I was dressed up as me’ ‘Ah, that’s where I’ve seen you.’ ‘I’m going to have to start going to Comic Cons now I’m in Doctor Who.’ ‘Yeah, I might dress up as you.’ ‘Do that! Be Graham!’ ‘Do you think I could pull you off?’ (a long pause) ‘If he wins some money today …’
Not the first time The Chase has featured on these pages. Remember this, the ‘greatest quiz round ever’?
Source @IainMackay8


thepoke--2020-02-10--18 of the most gloriously weird translations from language app Duolingo

Language-learning app , Duolingo , has over 300 million users who are studying 94 languages – some of them fictional @ @ @ @ @ all being pestered by messages from Duo the owl if they don ’ t do @ @ @ @ @ As good as it is that people can study a language in their own time @ @ @ @ @ they decide not to upgrade to the paid model , perhaps the best thing about @ @ @ @ @ of its lessons are .
The r/shitduolingosays subreddit features a wealth of these odd sentences @ @ @ @ @ favourites .
1 .
Maybe just cross your legs for now 2 .
Do you @ @ @ @ @ 3 .
And his wrist is full of ketchup ?
4 .
This explains a @ @ @ @ @ in the charts 5 .
How to get banned from the sports centre 6 .
@ @ @ @ @ 7 .
It must have been a grass 8 .
Or maybe just sit on @ @

Pics
Language-learning app, Duolingo, has over 300 million users who are studying 94 languages – some of them fictional – and they’re all being pestered by messages from Duo the owl if they don’t do their lessons on time.
As good as it is that people can study a language in their own time and for free, should they decide not to upgrade to the paid model, perhaps the best thing about Duolingo is how weird some of its lessons are.
The r/shitduolingosays subreddit features a wealth of these odd sentences, and these are our favourites.
1. Maybe just cross your legs for now
Via
2. Do you take this owl …?
Via
3. And his wrist is full of ketchup?
Via
4. This explains a lot of what’s in the charts
Via
5. How to get banned from the sports centre
Via
6. Is this in Sheffield?
Via
7. It must have been a grass
Via
8. Or maybe just sit on a chair
Via
9. It’s important to have a USP
Via
10. What’s wrong with a cat flap?
Via


thepoke--2020-02-10--Brad Pitt used his Oscars acceptance speech to take down Donald Trump

Brad Pitt used his Oscars acceptance speech , after winning best supporting actor for Quentin Tarantino ’ s Once Upon @ @ @ @ @ to take aim at so-called president Donald Trump .
Specifically , the verdict of Donald @ @ @ @ @ and the fact that the Senate hearing blocked the testimony of former national security adviser @ @ @ @ @ he had to say .
“ They told me I only have 45 seconds up @ @ @ @ @ seconds more than the Senate gave John Bolton this week .
“ I ’ m @ @ @ @ @ ] does a movie about it .
In the end , the adults do the @ @ @ @ @ people loved him for it .
Not everyone , obviously .
Just the people we @ @ @ @ @ the Oscars with the funniest speech of the night

Twitter
Brad Pitt used his Oscars acceptance speech, after winning best supporting actor for Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, to take aim at so-called president Donald Trump.
Specifically, the verdict of Trump’s impeachment trial and the fact that the Senate hearing blocked the testimony of former national security adviser John Bolton.
Oh boy this might upset a few Republicans. Brad Pitt started speech tonight by saying he had 45 second up there, “Which is 45 seconds more than the Senate gave John Bolton this week.” pic.twitter.com/LAweZvl7wB — Joshua Potash (@JoshuaPotash) February 10, 2020
Here’s what he had to say.
“They told me I only have 45 seconds up here, which is 45 seconds more than the Senate gave John Bolton this week. “I’m thinking maybe Quentin [Tarantino] does a movie about it. In the end, the adults do the right thing.”
Lots of people loved him for it.
Brad Pitt didn’t have to do that. He gave the middle finger to many Trumpers who watch his movies because he is for real and will speak the truth and knows what we saw in that Senate was complete BS and so damaging to the country. Bravo. We need more of that. Stand up. — Jason Overstreet (@JasonOverstreet) February 10, 2020
Brad Pitt is maybe the most genuine down to earth actor I’ve met. It was lovely to see a man so visibly vulnerable genuinely grateful and so openly moved by the acceptance of his peers. It was a beautiful thing to see. — Ellen Barkin (@EllenBarkin) February 10, 2020
Not everyone, obviously. Just the people we like.
So Brad Pitt went on stage at the Oscars and decided to use his time to attack the President. This is the same guy who preaches about climate change, but jet sets around the country in a private jet. Trump won. You lost. Get over it. — Ryan Fournier (@RyanAFournier) February 10, 2020
Took 10 seconds for the first winner (Brad Pitt) to bash President Trump.
Only surprised it took that long.
As always, this will help Trump not hurt him. #Oscars2020 — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 10, 2020
READ MORE
Olivia Colman won the Oscars with the funniest speech of the night


thepoke--2020-02-10--Olivia Colman won the Oscars with the funniest speech of the night

Okay , so Olivia Colman didn ’ t actually win an Oscar – that was last year – but she @ @ @ @ @ , so she gets our Oscar for that .
And here are just a few @ @ @ @ @ saying about it .
Just in case you can ’ t remember , here ’ @ @ @ @ @ last year after winning best actress for The Favourite .

Videos
Okay, so Olivia Colman didn’t actually win an Oscar – that was last year – but she still had the funniest speech, so she gets our Oscar for that.
Olivia Colman on her 2019 Oscar win: “Last year was the best night of my husband’s life.” https://t.co/8kz7m5vtnF #Oscars pic.twitter.com/QB5H89liTf — ABC News (@ABC) February 10, 2020
The intro wasn’t bad either.
george mackay presenting olivia colman 🙂 pic.twitter.com/bXPpctfBWF — gluten-free scho (@piupiupaww) February 10, 2020
And here are just a few of the things people were saying about it.
olivia colman is funnier than all the other presenters and i think that means something — clemmie – PARASITE BP WINNER (@cIemmie) February 10, 2020
olivia colman you’re the best yes a legend pic.twitter.com/Qh3myV3bpt — x (@justanothertown) February 10, 2020
Let Olivia Colman host the Oscars you cowards — Jon (@prasejeebus) February 10, 2020
Just in case you can’t remember, here’s the speech she gave last year after winning best actress for The Favourite.
Watch Olivia Colman steal the show with this hilarious, off-the-cuff #Oscars speech after winning Best Actress for 'The Favourite' pic.twitter.com/8lajxVCtcV — NowThis (@nowthisnews) February 25, 2019
READ MORE
Brad Pitt used his Oscars acceptance speech to take down Donald Trump


thepoke--2020-02-10--An anti-medicine advocate needed a doctor after these 9 surgical takedowns

You know when you see someone running towards a door that they think is automatic , but you know they @ @ @ @ @ bounce right off it with a broken nose ?
Well , this is the Twitter @ @ @ @ @ woman had a startling take on the benefits – or otherwise – of conventional medicine @ @ @ @ @ few people cut to the chase , There were other takedowns .
Paul Lucas had @ @ @ @ @ post .
It ’ s certainly going to be in the top – or bottom @ @ @ @ @ questioned this guy ’ s credentials and it ’ s a very satisfying comeback

Twitter
You know when you see someone running towards a door that they think is automatic, but you know they’re just going to bounce right off it with a broken nose? Well, this is the Twitter version of that.
This woman had a startling take on the benefits – or otherwise – of conventional medicine.
They have successfully brainwashed our society into believing we NEED doctors. This medical system was NOT established since the beginning of time. It has to make you wonder what people were doing before “doctors” were a thing. Please do more research, I beg yall😔 https://t.co/2BBU6oDjWg — Chynel🌹 (@ChynelRose) February 7, 2020
Naturally, quite a few people cut to the chase,
1.
They died, a lot. https://t.co/QXHu9KM0T1 — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 8, 2020
2.
People were dying needlessly before doctors were a thing, that's what! And it's ironic how “do your research” is often said by those of you who haven't actually done any proper research. https://t.co/XHQwZJy7q6 — Jyde (@Jaydon225) February 9, 2020
3.
They died in agonising and grotesque conditions, Chynel. Very famously, they died. https://t.co/VgWdnpOxjv — Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) February 8, 2020
4.
They were dropping like flies sis. Please do more research, I beg you — lontini 🍸 (@AmazonLoni) February 7, 2020
There were other takedowns.
5.
If someone whispers into your ear, it'll most likely echo because your head is empty 🥺😢😢 https://t.co/Et2ffyNILF — 👤 (@akenny_o) February 8, 2020
6.
I’ll take dick heads for $100, Alex. pic.twitter.com/pUwBR1qQr8 — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) February 8, 2020
7.
Not trynna be funny but what high school you went too so I know not to send my child there. — Idris Elbow (@Ryannnnn___) February 8, 2020
8.
This might be the dumbest thing I've ever read, and with how many Trump tweets there are, that's really saying something — Jeffrey Garcia (@JLGarsh) February 8, 2020
9.
I heard leprosy was a laugh riot https://t.co/ihn7ttwnYz — Dread Pirate Sex Badger (@jgb00m) February 9, 2020
Paul Lucas had a relatable reaction to the post.
I’ve found it! I found the stupidest tweet. Woo. — Paul Lucas (@paul_winginit) February 8, 2020
It’s certainly going to be in the top – or bottom – ten.
READ MORE
An anti-vaxxer questioned this guy’s credentials and it’s a very satisfying comeback
Source @ChynelRose Image @franciscovenancio on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-10--Storm Ciara made this door fart – and it’s a gas

Storm Ciara has had many effects on the areas it ’ s passed over : rivers have burst their banks @ @ @ @ @ trampolines have migrated over several gardens .
One unexpected result , however , was the @ @ @ @ @ this door .
Somebody get that door some activated charcoal .
A couple of reactions @ @ @ @ @ we forget , this is Congressman Eric Swalwell with the on-air fart he tried to @ @ @ @ @ .
The look on this girl ’ s face when her brother fart-bombs her video @ @

Videos
Storm Ciara has had many effects on the areas it’s passed over: rivers have burst their banks, trees have fallen, trampolines have migrated over several gardens.
One unexpected result, however, was the hilariously odd sound effect of this door.
Unexpected result of #StormCiaًra – our front door has developed a farting problem. You could say its a bit…. windy. (I'll see myself out) pic.twitter.com/1KAj56yPuf — Lotti Dart (@yorickisntdead) February 9, 2020
Somebody get that door some activated charcoal. A couple of reactions caught our attention.
Me after a chicken vindaloo https://t.co/cFVrfOejvK — Scouse Ma (@Scouse_ma) February 9, 2020
When is a door not a door? When it's a whoopee cushion. — charles ex (@charles_consult) February 9, 2020
Lest we forget, this is Congressman Eric Swalwell with the on-air fart he tried to pass off as his phone.
OMFG SOUND ON pic.twitter.com/StziH3Yh49 — Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) November 19, 2019
READ MORE
The look on this girl’s face when her brother fart-bombs her video is priceless
Source Lotti Dart Image Lotti Dart, @richardhorne on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-10--18 expert pisstakes of Donald Trump’s laughable fake tan

Donald Trump must be one of the most photographed men in the world , and many of the resulting images @ @ @ @ @ .
However , a recent photograph particularly highlighted his startlingly bad fake tan application .
@ @ @ @ @ black and white .
Trump spotted he ’ d become a meme and rushed in @ @ @ @ @ ’ s what Twitter had to say about it .

Twitter
Donald Trump must be one of the most photographed men in the world, and many of the resulting images are, well, unflattering. However, a recent photograph particularly highlighted his startlingly bad fake tan application.
@realDonaldTrump returns to the White House from Charlotte, North Carolina. Photo by William Moon at the South Lawn of the White House on February 7, 2020 pic.twitter.com/n1a1Z93LrJ — White House Photos (@photowhitehouse) February 7, 2020
It looked even worse in black and white.
Today, @realDonaldTrump was dancing with the sunset and strong winds when he walked to the Oval Office from the Marine One on the South Lawn.. Photo by William Moon in the White House on February 7, 2020 pic.twitter.com/GURvi4UeSO — White House Photos (@photowhitehouse) February 8, 2020
Trump spotted he’d become a meme and rushed in to make accusations.
More Fake News. This was photoshopped, obviously, but the wind was strong and the hair looks good? Anything to demean! https://t.co/t8ptYMCYHf — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 8, 2020
Here’s what Twitter had to say about it.
1.
All perfectly normal. Nothing to see here. Please move along. pic.twitter.com/HFJ9Ie2MZj — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) February 8, 2020
2.
3.
4.
Didn’t Trudeau just get in trouble for this pic.twitter.com/v6QfCrL9vZ — Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) February 8, 2020
5.
His face looks like it’s been photoshopped onto a hamster by the hamster pic.twitter.com/wSsP7uR90C — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 8, 2020
6.
Me at the MAC counter when the assistant is busy pic.twitter.com/LVK6lP4gw7 — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) February 8, 2020
7.
He looks like Tupperware after you’ve stored Spaghetti and Meatballs in it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/FhcqejS0lM — CarpeDiem89 (@Carpediem4989) February 8, 2020
8.
9.


thepoke--2020-02-10--There’s so much going on in this Mike Read dinner poster people didn’t know where to start

Former Radio 1 DJ Mike Read obviously keeps himself busy so he ’ s no longer just known for getting @ @ @ @ @ Frankie Goes To Hollywood .
There was that Calypso song he recorded for UKIP , @ @ @ @ @ Q & A he hosted with Chevy Chase , that sort of thing .
We @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter Rhodri Marsden highlighted this poster for a dinner event with Read and , @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ This poster was brought to my attention by @ stuarthoughton and I can @ @ @ @ @ it , ’ he said .
‘ There ’ s a lot to process .
@ @ @ @ @ through many of the issues it raises.
’ And here it is , along with @ @ @ @ @ it generated .
Even this chap sat up and took notice .
Rhodri was so @ @ @ @ @ do this .
This note seems an appropriate note on which to leave it .

Pics
Former Radio 1 DJ Mike Read obviously keeps himself busy and it’s fair to say he’s no longer just known for getting the hump when Frankie said Relax.
There was that Calypso song he recorded for UKIP, for instance, and that Q&A he hosted with Chevy Chase, that sort of thing.
We only mention this because over on Twitter Rhodri Marsden highlighted this poster for a dinner event with Read and, well, over to @rhodri.
‘This poster was brought to my attention by @stuarthoughton and I can’t stop looking at it,’ he said. ‘There’s a lot to process. I’m still working through many of the issues it raises.’
And here it is, along with just some of the comments it generated.
The mints – a deal breaker — Gina Murphy (@BrokenBiros) February 9, 2020
Why is there an O in the acronym for Shake-a-Leg Community Theatre? — Sam (@sam_bambs) February 9, 2020
I’d need to know more about the mints — Neil Fisher (@nfmusic) February 9, 2020
My favourite bit is that someone didn’t set it to print on one side. And the papers so thin you can see the same poster on the other side. And they still laminated it. — Zena West (@ZenaWesty) February 9, 2020
I'm taking a screenshot in case they try to fob me off with coffee 'or' mints. — Ian Molyneux (@idmoly) February 9, 2020
https://twitter.com/LouiseRawAuthor/status/1226829522500276224?s=20
I like to think that Bob checks his btinternet email by switching on the beige PC in his "nook", powering up the LCD monitor, & after a 10 minute boot sequence, gingerly nudges the mouse (ball, not optical) to his Windows Mail client. And that this was saved on a 3.5" floppy. — Tim (@timmay2606) February 10, 2020
Next episode of Inside No 9? — Nick Pearce (@drnickpearce) February 9, 2020
Even this chap sat up and took notice.
It’s a good value considering you get mints. — Curtis Stigers (@curtisstigers) February 10, 2020
Rhodri was so intrigued he was moved to do this.
Having looked to see what “Knights Of Malta” actually means, I see that it’s an honour Mike Read shares with Benito Mussolini, Jimmy Savile and Bill Cash, amongst others. https://t.co/KSQC08ARZh — Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) February 9, 2020
This seems an appropriate note on which to leave it.
READ MORE
20 glorious times Mike Read’s memoirs hit peak Alan Partridge
Source @rhodri @stuarthoughton Image screengrab


thepoke--2020-02-10--Daily Mail readers’ objections to the new John Lewis boss are totally predictable and utterly shocki

Daily Mail readers’ objections to the new John Lewis boss are totally predictable and utterly shocking

John Lewis recently got a new boss , you might have read , former Ofcom chief executive Sharon White .
And if you ’ re interested in finding out more about her extraordinary career before then , you can read all about it here .
Anyway , there was one set of people who are distinctly unimpressed by her appointment , as highlighted by @ DMReporter on Twitter , who had this to say about it .
‘ LOOK : At some point we ’ re going to have to address the embedded racism that exists among a large percentage @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in point ; here they are triggered into fury over the suggestion that a black woman could get a job without political correctness.
’ And no matter how much you think you know what they ’ re going to say ( and you ’ d be right ) it will never cease to shock .
And just a few of the things people said in response to @ DMReporter ’ s tweet .
And you can follow @ DMReporter on Twitter here .
If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one

Twitter
John Lewis recently got a new boss, you might have read, former Ofcom chief executive Sharon White. And if you’re interested in finding out more about her extraordinary career before then, you can read all about it here.
Anyway, there was one set of people who are distinctly unimpressed by her appointment, as highlighted by @DMReporter on Twitter, who had this to say about it.
‘LOOK: At some point we’re going to have to address the embedded racism that exists among a large percentage of the Daily Mail readership. Case in point; here they are triggered into fury over the suggestion that a black woman could get a job without political correctness.’
And no matter how much you think you know what they’re going to say (and you’d be right) it will never cease to shock.
And just a few of the things people said in response to @DMReporter’s tweet.
She is an excellent leader. She has a brilliant brain. She has vast experience and has worked her socks off to get to where she is. The racism of DM readers breaks my heart. — Flower Bud (@FlowerB84630667) February 9, 2020
Indeed. Came across her briefly in Civil Service: her reputation was formidable (1st black Treasury Permanent Secretary & only 2nd woman) but also very visibly & obviously a people person. She’s conquered every challenge she’s faced since going from Leyton to Cambridge. — Mik_La Cuneta_Woolley (@MikNoEorC) February 9, 2020
The person saying 92% of the UK are wh.i.te, because it suits his argument here, probably spends half of his time claiming that the wh.i.te.s will be a minority in the next 10 years. — Lou Mac (@loumacarichippy) February 9, 2020
I see them in my village shop each day, normal, personable, middle class people, buying the #DailyMail. They think it is interesting & reports the news fairly, but have no idea about the bigotry that it is insidiously planting in their minds. That newspaper is killing democracy. — Shropshire Green Man (@WhittallClive) February 10, 2020
And you can follow @DMReporter on Twitter here.
READ MORE
If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan, make it this one
Source Twitter @DMReporter


thepoke--2020-02-10--‘Your dog’s shagged my cat’ – this Judge Rinder case is a rollercoaster ride from start to finish

We have to confess we haven ’ t see many episodes of Judge Rinder on ITV .
Actually , we @ @ @ @ @ .
Until now .
There was something about this particular case that caught our attention @ @ @ @ @ all like this – they surely can ’ t all be like this – we @ @ @ @ @ out .
And just a handful of the many , many things people have said @ @ @ @ @ ’ s court appearance for speeding will give you feelings

Videos
We have to confess we haven’t see many episodes of Judge Rinder on ITV. Actually, we haven’t seen any. Until now.
There was something about this particular case that caught our attention. If they’re all like this – they surely can’t all be like this – we’ve been seriously missing out.
🙈 ‘Your dog’s s*****d my cat.’ – It’s never a dull day for Judge Rinder!https://t.co/A4Lem9WEYL pic.twitter.com/1zaHLdy27j — STV (@WeAreSTV) February 5, 2020
Good lord.
And just a handful of the many, many things people have said about it.
some people will make an entire career out of comedy and never achieve anything as funny as this https://t.co/tPXR6IWPFj — Josh Evans (@JoshEvans_) February 5, 2020
I cannot breathe. Actually cannot breathe. https://t.co/ahXigZ2PlJ — Greg Flucker (@Gregflucker) February 5, 2020
Stop what you're doing and watch this Scottish TV clip IMMEDIATELY… https://t.co/7bLKght4KQ — Mark Millar (@mrmarkmillar) February 5, 2020
F*ck right off….this has got to be a wind up. I'm howling. But in all seriousness with counciling I think that cat could make a full recovery. https://t.co/JAH4SaGDH7 — Michael Parr (@MikeParrActor) February 6, 2020
"My cat's now on medication for anxiety and depression."
Without any words this facial expression says perfectly what everyone was thinking to that:
"Mon tae fuck hen." pic.twitter.com/8ssxlCQ09l — The Wee Man (@ThatWeeMan) February 5, 2020
READ MORE
This 96-year-old’s court appearance for speeding will give you feelings
Source Twitter @WeAreSTV


thepoke--2020-02-10--Simply 23 of the punniest gags people have been sharing to celebrate UK Pun Day

It ’ s UK Pun Day , everyone !
When the entirety of the UK puts its differences behind it @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter .
These 13 should be enough to take your mind off everything else @ @ @ @ @ for a moment or two at least .
And tell us yours in the comments @ @ @ @ @ you want to … )

Twitter
It’s UK Pun Day, everyone! When the whole country puts its differences behind it to share some groantastic puns on Twitter.
These 23 should be enough to take your mind off everything else going on in the world for a moment or two at least. And tell us yours in the comments! (but only if you want to …)
1.
“I've just injected steroids into my arm"
"Anabolic?"
"No, just my arm"#UKPunDay — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 10, 2020
2.
3.
So I was telling my friend I hate backgammon. And draughts. He said "Hate chess too?" I said, "Don't even get me started on that high-speed rail project." #UKPunDay #1Pun — Richard Pulsford (@RichardPulsford) February 10, 2020
4.
Nurse: "How's the patient doing, the one who swallowed the 20p coins?" Nurse: "No change yet."#UKPunDay — NHS London (@NHSEnglandLDN) February 10, 2020
5.
https://twitter.com/DadJokeMan/status/1226771250049093633?s=20
6.
https://twitter.com/BluFoxx/status/1226779662325600262?s=20
7.
In America, when you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall#UKPunDay — Adam Sharp (@AdamCSharp) February 10, 2020
8.
Just been for a job interview..
Interviewer asked me if I could perform under pressure… I said… yes of course I can.. and I also do an excellent version of Bohemian Rhapsody too…#UKpunday — tis me. Nic (@tismenic70) February 10, 2020
9.
I created a new dating app specifically for chickens, but I’m struggling to make hens meet. #UKPunDay — Colin Leggo (@colinleggo) February 10, 2020
10.
#UKPunDay Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot. — Luis Lito the crazy Bandito (@luislito2) February 10, 2020
11.
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face…#UKPunDay — Steve Rufus Bobcat Mackenzie (@steverufusmack) February 10, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-11--An epic hand-sanitiser battle was happening right behind this newsreader

We have absolutely no idea what all those people are up to in the background of the newsroom .
We @ @ @ @ @ playing minesweeper and Candy Crush , while others are stalking their ex ’ Facebook page @ @ @ @ @ not usually doing is having a full-blown hand-sanitiser fight , like these people .
We @ @ @ @ @ won , but we hope they didn ’ t both lose – their jobs , @ @ @ @ @ McCoy wasn ’ t where the cameras expected him to be – and it ’ @ @ @

Videos
We have absolutely no idea what all those people are up to in the background of the newsroom. We suspect some of them are playing minesweeper and Candy Crush, while others are stalking their ex’ Facebook page.
What they’re not usually doing is having a full-blown hand-sanitiser fight, like these people.
We’re not sure who won, but we hope they didn’t both lose – their jobs, that is.
As one Redditor remarked,
Referee: sighs “This is not what I meant when I said ‘Keep it clean’ guys.”
Sttommyboy
READ MORE
Newsreader Simon McCoy wasn’t where the cameras expected him to be – and it’s just glorious
Source Reddit Image Reddit


thepoke--2020-02-11--PETA awarded the Cats movie an ‘Oscat’ and people were cringing hard

The organisation , PETA , or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals , is a campaign group that calls @ @ @ @ @ , well , animals – which is clearly admirable .
Sometimes , however , people @ @ @ @ @ too far .
Here ’ s what they had to say about the widely panned @ @ @ @ @ most definitely not nominated for an Oscar .
Bhargav Chandramouli had a surprising piece of @ @ @ @ @ Jaguars Trump had another point .
That ought to give them *lowers sunglasses* paws for @ @ @ @ @ Cats movie Twitter account and it really rubbed them the wrong way

Twitter
The organisation, PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is a campaign group that calls out abuse and exploitation of, well, animals – which is clearly admirable.
Sometimes, however, people think they go a tad too far.
Here’s what they had to say about the widely panned Cats film, which was most definitely not nominated for an Oscar.
Did you know? #CatsMovie won a #PETAOscat for leaving real animals OUT of the film and using CGI instead. #Oscars pic.twitter.com/qqScTVUHQh — PETA (@peta) February 10, 2020
Awkward.
Twitter had thoughts.
Bro… you posted cringe. https://t.co/m1aU6WCapA — your local irish bloke (@Clarksoners) February 10, 2020
Parasite was cool and all but let’s see Bong Joon Ho try and top this https://t.co/cHP3Ie8MfN — JJ Killem (@DjJJKillem) February 11, 2020
it’s why the movie sucked w real cats i bet it would be good — patty eismont (@eismont_patty) February 10, 2020
Bhargav Chandramouli had a surprising piece of information for PETA.
Did you know that cats can’t act? I know, what a shocker — Bhargav Chandramouli (@bhargavc300) February 10, 2020
And Jaguars Trump had another point.
Did you know? @catsmovie tanked at the box office! https://t.co/j2mwYEhHq9 — Jaguars Trump (@JaguarsTrump) February 10, 2020
That ought to give them *lowers sunglasses* paws for thought.
READ MORE
Someone trolled the Cats movie Twitter account and it really rubbed them the wrong way
Source PETA Image Working Title Films/Amblin


thepoke--2020-02-11--People love this sassy German TikTok even if they don’t understand it

A TikTok video has gone viral after it broke free from the platform and spread across Twitter and Facebook , in spite of the fact that not many people knew what was going on in it .
Watch for yourself .
In case you ’ re sensitive to such things – they say “ bitch ” a LOT !
It ’ s something about the insane amount of sass that ’ s crossed the language barrier .
Here ’ s what people had to say about it on TikTok .
And a couple from Twitter , where the video has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ According to Buzzfeed , and this is backed up by our sketchy grasp of German – plus Google Translate – the conversation is as follows : Jonas : How many ex-boyfriends have you had , bitch ?
!
First girl : Bitch , look at me — look at what a beauty I am !
Ten .
Jonas : Honey , how many ex-boyfriends have you had , bitch ?
Second girl : I ’ m too young to have a boyfriend .
Hussain : Bitch , how many ex-boyfriends do you have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t have an ex-boyfriend , bitch !
Now , who ’ s signing up for German lessons ?

Videos
A TikTok video has gone viral after it broke free from the platform and spread across Twitter and Facebook, in spite of the fact that not many people knew what was going on in it.
Watch for yourself. In case you’re sensitive to such things – they say “bitch” a LOT!
It’s something about the insane amount of sass that’s crossed the language barrier.
Here’s what people had to say about it on TikTok.
And a couple from Twitter, where the video has been viewed at least 11.5m times.
The von Trapp kids when Maria arrived pic.twitter.com/Bh3Kp1PwzK — Tom Zohar (@TomZohar) February 7, 2020
my sims talking shit about me pic.twitter.com/hduRMuSihL — mic (@sliccmic) February 7, 2020
According to Buzzfeed, and this is backed up by our sketchy grasp of German – plus Google Translate – the conversation is as follows:
Jonas: How many ex-boyfriends have you had, bitch?! First girl: Bitch, look at me — look at what a beauty I am! Ten. Jonas: Honey, how many ex-boyfriends have you had, bitch? Second girl: I’m too young to have a boyfriend. Hussain: Bitch, how many ex-boyfriends do you have? Third girl: I don’t have an ex-boyfriend, bitch!
Now, who’s signing up for German lessons?
Source Hussain Chillt Image Hussain Chillt


thepoke--2020-02-11--Jemaine Clement had the perfect takedown for a deluded Trump fan

When it comes to Trump fans , we ’ re not sure they come in any other type than ‘ @ @ @ @ @ verdict of the impeachment trial has made them even bolder .
The actual President of @ @ @ @ @ : We ’ re pretty sure that clip from Curb Your Enthusiasm wasn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ him , but his fans clearly loved it – which rather makes the comedy ’ @ @ @ @ @ the MAGA faithful replied with a nauseatingly gushing comment .
Actor , writer , musician @ @ @ @ @ , spotted RD ’ s sycophancy , and administered this scorching burn .
Just a @ @ @ @ @ “ best president ” behaves .
And the time he mocked a reporter ’ s @ @ @ @ @ about windmills – with “ help ” from the room next door

Twitter
When it comes to Trump fans, we’re not sure they come in any other type than ‘deluded’, and the verdict of the impeachment trial has made them even bolder.
The actual President of the USA recently tweeted this:
TOUGH GUYS FOR TRUMP! pic.twitter.com/DbjZjGzLWU — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 11, 2020
We’re pretty sure that clip from Curb Your Enthusiasm wasn’t meant as a compliment to him, but his fans clearly loved it – which rather makes the comedy’s point.
One of the MAGA faithful replied with a nauseatingly gushing comment.
Best president of my lifetime. Thank you for everything Mr. President. — RD (@real_defender) February 11, 2020
Actor, writer, musician and director, Jemaine Clement, spotted RD’s sycophancy, and administered this scorching burn.
You must be 3. — Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) February 11, 2020
Just a few reminders of how the “best president” behaves.
Fox News cut away from Trump's rally immediately after his brain short-circuited pic.twitter.com/0jgKzVLb9E — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 29, 2020
I thought Newsweek was out of business? https://t.co/3ro4eSJloo — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 29, 2019
And the time he mocked a reporter’s disability.
So classy.
READ MORE
President Trump talks about windmills – with “help” from the room next door
Source Jemaine Clement Image YouTube Curb Your Enthusiasm via Donald Trump


thepoke--2020-02-11--These cute pups got an unforgettable lesson in the doggy pecking order

It ’ s tricky when an old dog meets the new pups in town .
In fact , it can @ @ @ @ @ when you introduce a new pet into a home that already houses an established animal @ @ @ @ @ bringing these puppies to meet the big guy were ready to snatch them up at @ @ @ @ @ .
They ’ re marked with his scent .
Pretty sure that means they belong @ @ @ @ @ ’ s something not quite right with this hungry pup ’ s dinner

Videos
It’s tricky when an old dog meets the new pups in town. In fact, it can be quite an anxious moment when you introduce a new pet into a home that already houses an established animal.
No doubt the family bringing these puppies to meet the big guy were ready to snatch them up at the first sign of aggression.
They’re marked with his scent. Pretty sure that means they belong to him now.
READ MORE
There’s something not quite right with this hungry pup’s dinner
Source r/Unexpected Image r/Unexpected