thepoke--2020-05-22--If anyone can beat the expiry date on this grandma’s salt, we’d like to see it

In the lockdown lots of people have ended up exploring the far recesses of their cupboards and finding stuff that is well past its use by date .
But surely no-one is going to beat this .
‘ It was my grandma ’ s 95th birthday so I cooked for her , ’ said yu/cswimc over on Reddit .
‘ I asked her where she kept the salt and she /Users/johnnyplunkett/Desktop/Screen Shot 2020-05-22 at 17.11.33.pngsaid “ I barely use salt , but if it ’ s there , it ’ s way in the back of the cabinet.
” It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she has is dated from 1965 !
!
!
It worked , and salt doesn ’ t really expire !
’ And just in case that ’ s tricky to read , it ’ s 11 July 1965 ( or is it ’ 85 ? )
.
A few things have happened since then .
Here ’ s a bit more of what u/cswimc had to say about it .
‘ Firstly , I didn ’ t expect this to blow up as it did !
Since this wasn ’ t a text @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an ‘ edit ’ to it , here is some context : ‘ Why was this funny ?
Because I couldn ’ t believe that something from 1965 ( or maybe 85 as others have pointed out ) would still be good to use .
All I know is I laughed , and if you don ’ t think it ’ s funny , it ’ s okay !
No need to get so salty about it !
!
!
‘ Does it say 65 or 85 ?
I ’ m not sure @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to me but I could be wrong .
I added some images so feel free to investigate .
I was impressed by some of the work done already with the images.
’ Women are sharing the stupid things men do in the kitchen and some men are getting very upset about it

Pics
In the lockdown lots of people have ended up exploring the far recesses of their kitchen cupboards and finding stuff that is well past its use by date.
But surely no-one is going to beat this.
‘It was my grandma’s 95th birthday so I cooked for her,’ said yu/cswimc over on Reddit.
‘I asked her where she kept the salt and she said “I barely use salt, but if it’s there, it’s way in the back of the cabinet.” It turns out the only container of salt she has is dated from 1965!!! It worked, and salt doesn’t really expire!’
Here’s the salt.
And here’s the expiry date.
And just in case that’s tricky to read, it’s 11 July 1965 (or is it ’85?). It’s fair to say a few things have happened since then.
Here’s a bit more of what u/cswimc had to say about it.
‘Firstly, I didn’t expect this to blow up as it did! Since this wasn’t a text post and I can’t add an ‘edit’ to it, here is some context: ‘Why was this funny? Because I couldn’t believe that something from 1965 (or maybe 85 as others have pointed out) would still be good to use. All I know is I laughed, and if you don’t think it’s funny, it’s okay! No need to get so salty about it!!! ‘Does it say 65 or 85? I’m not sure. It looks and looks like 65 to me but I could be wrong. I added some images so feel free to investigate. I was impressed by some of the work done already with the images.’
And our three favourite comments it prompted.
‘Gordon Ramsay wants to have a word with your grandma.’ BillsMafia607 ‘It’s BLAAAND.’ gotham77 ‘Put it online as “Vintage Salt” and someone would pay you a fortune I bet.’ Nadmania
But can you beat it?
READ MORE
Women are sharing the stupid things men do in the kitchen and some men are getting very upset about it
Source Reddit u/cswimc


thepoke--2020-05-22--How this ad lined up with the MP’s photo above it is sheer perfection

‘ It ’ s probably a dodgy ad but at least the algorithm threw it up in a visually pleasing @ @ @ @ @ DaveGorman over on Twitter .
And he ’ s not kidding is he ?
And @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter here .
Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘ clarify ’ this headline @ @ @ @ @ most unfortunate effect Source @ DaveGorman

Pics
‘It’s probably a dodgy ad but at least the algorithm threw it up in a visually pleasing place,’ said @DaveGorman over on Twitter.
And he’s not kidding is he?
It’s a kind of magic.
You couldn’t deliberately line those up any better than the algorithm managed. Perfection! — Darren Jalland (@CountingSheep5) May 21, 2020
You can follow @DaveGorman on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘clarify’ this headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate effect
Source @DaveGorman


thepoke--2020-05-22--Takedown of the week

Takedown of the week

The coveted takedown of the week award is won by this exchange which was begun by a chap called @ @ @ @ @ @ for the ‘ cowards ’ who wear masks because of Covid-19 .
And the comeback @ @ @ @ @ , responding to the same tweet , was a close second .
Strangely neither the @ @ @ @ @ account , appears still to exist .
Murder in the first .
Donald Trump said @ @ @ @ @ one ‘ per capita ’ and it ’ s a very funny ( terrifying ) @

Popular
The coveted takedown of the week award is won by this exchange which began with a tweet by this American guy who had no time for the ‘cowards’ who wear masks because of Covid-19.
And the comeback was brutal.
(via Reddit)
And this, responding to the same tweet, was a close second.
(via Reddit)
Strangely neither the tweet, nor the Twitter account, appears still to exist. Murder in the first.
READ MORE
Donald Trump said there’s more than one ‘per capita’ and it’s a very funny (terrifying) watch
Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-05-22--Trump said he tested ‘positively negative’ for Covid-19 and it sums up his entire presidency in 15 s

Trump said he tested ‘positively negative’ for Covid-19 and it sums up his entire presidency in 15 seconds flat

Not sure it ’ s possible to capture the essence of Donald Trump ’ s entire presidency in 15 seconds @ @ @ @ @ surely comes close .
It ’ s the so-called president telling reporters how he tested @ @ @ @ @ in a very positive way .
Right folks ?
Must be all that disinfectant he @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump said there ’ s more than one ‘ per capita ’ and it @ @ @ @ @ ( terrifying ) watch

Twitter
Not sure it’s possible to capture the essence of Donald Trump’s entire presidency in 15 seconds flat, but this clip surely comes close.
It’s the so-called president telling reporters how he tested negative for Covid-19 – but in a very positive way. Right folks?
Here is a quote from Trump: "I tested very positively in another sense so— this morning. Yeah. I tested positively toward negative, right. So. I tested perfectly this morning. Meaning I tested negative." pic.twitter.com/xA0DBUcfr9 — Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) May 21, 2020
Must be all that disinfectant he’s been injecting.
I’m positively in pain from listening to that. — Hamish Mitchell (@H_MitchellPhoto) May 21, 2020
That's a child struggling to repeat something that an adult explained to him. Obviously, the adult knew the child couldn't grasp it, and resorted to extreme dumbing-down of the topic. The child utterly failed to grasp the phrases he attempted to memorize. — Savvy Civics Chick 🌊 (Dr. G) (@SavvyCivics) May 21, 2020
Isn't it easier to just say he tested negative for the virus? Why does he make it so hard? Who speaks like this? — Merritt Kelly (@MerrittKelly1) May 21, 2020
But how is it compared to "relative per capita"? — YS (@NYinLA2121) May 21, 2020
To conclude …
https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast/status/1263519315904598018?s=20
READ MORE
Donald Trump said there’s more than one ‘per capita’ and it’s a very funny (terrifying) watch
Source @kylegriffin1


thepoke--2020-05-22--The government told everyone to stay ‘3 fridges apart’ – 19 favourite responses

Following criticism that its latest Covid-19 advice has been at best mildly confusing and at worst totally nonsensical , the @ @ @ @ @ just how far we should be staying away from each other .
And it ’ @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t really help .
Anyone .
We hope that ’ s made it @ @ @ @ @ the only thing that was clear was the amount of ridicule it generated .
Here @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
Following criticism that its latest Covid-19 advice has been at best mildly confusing and at worst totally nonsensical, the government moved today to clarify just how far we should be staying away from each other.
And it’s fair to say it didn’t really help. Anyone.
Keep 2 metres apart when you go outside. That’s: 🔴 1 bed
🔴 2 benches
🔴 3 fridges
🔴 4 chairs#StayAlert — UK Prime Minister (@10DowningStreet) May 22, 2020
We hope that’s made it clear for everyone. Except the only thing that was clear was the amount of ridicule it generated. Here are our favourite 19 responses.
1.
https://twitter.com/MrMichaelSpicer/status/1263814342157438978?s=20
2.
One Fifth Of a Bus. https://t.co/JUjr8qheRm — Armando Iannucci (@Aiannucci) May 22, 2020
3.
Boris Johnson certainly knows the size of a fridge. https://t.co/dNeBFlnqH3 — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 22, 2020
4.
Also:
1 & a half Chewbaccas
14 Argos catalogues
78 Wispas
9 startled goats
5 evil dwarves
17 fish finger sandwiches pic.twitter.com/LBkeOTnmFS — joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 22, 2020
5.
Because no-one would know what you meant if you said 'Roughly six feet'. https://t.co/Pz6jxpUXG1 — Geoff Norcott (@GeoffNorcott) May 22, 2020
6.
Whenever I hear a measurement I automatically think "How many fridges is that?"
But maybe that's just me. https://t.co/eiGnHNCiU0 — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 22, 2020
7.
People questioned my decision to take all three of my fridges with me on my walk, but at last I understand what 2m means. — Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) May 22, 2020
8.
“We need a THREE thing… er…”
“Fridges?”
“Do people have more than one fridge?”
“No, but I like it”
“Ok!” https://t.co/72a2EUTVZ6 — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) May 22, 2020
9.
Government advice be like:
– Stay 3 fridges apart
– To clarify that’s 13 runt raccoons all standing back to back
– No good? Imagine how far you could shot put when you were ten — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 22, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-05-22--Simply 25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week

Who ’ s got plans for the bank holiday weekend ?
A quick trip to the lakes ?
Wrestling strangers @ @ @ @ @ on the beach ?
Licking all the trolley handles at Tesco ?
Instead of that @ @ @ @ @ , watch some films and don ’ t kill your granny ?
To kick off @ @ @ @ @ some virus-free funny things from Twitter .

Twitter
Who’s got plans for the bank holiday weekend? A quick trip to the lakes? Wrestling strangers for the last deck chair on the beach? Licking all the trolley handles at Tesco?
Instead of that, why not stay home, watch some films and don’t kill your granny? To kick off the festivities, here are some virus-free funny things from Twitter.
1.
You too can have a six-figure salary with this one simple trick: Include the numbers after the decimal point — Holly Brockwell (@holly) May 17, 2020
2.
Priest: do you take this woman Me: I do [Liam Neeson glares from the pews] Me: -not — clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 16, 2020
3.
Lambasted (n): sheep born out of wedlock. — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 17, 2020
4.
lots of people think helicopter is made up of 'heli' and 'copter' but in fact it's from the greek 'helico' ('whirly') and 'pter' ('bastard') — joe (@mutablejoe) May 17, 2020
5.
For lunch I'm having smashed avocado on sourdough bread and a wheatgrass smoothie pic.twitter.com/ELI16Orluz — joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 19, 2020
6.
Don’t even TALK to me until I’ve had my coffee, piece of toast, cup of tea, been for a run, showered, done some work, had lunch, done some more work, had dinner, gone to sleep — Annie McGrath (@AnnieMcTweet) May 18, 2020
7.
Thought she was levitating…🤔 pic.twitter.com/g7PRtNDZZy — 🤣 The Dad Joke Man 😉 (@DadJokeMan) May 17, 2020
8.
9.
"hahahaha" – I'm in love with you
"hahaha" – I'm trying to flirt
"haha" – please stop texting me
"ha" – I didn't read your message or anything you’ve ever written — Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 17, 2020
10.
When you order your girlfriend a personalised gin glass and get the option to add a note…… pic.twitter.com/xu1CZ7dwfy — JillyWig (@WrongJill) May 18, 2020
11.
good morning to everyone except my boyfriend, who didn’t consult me before he used washing up liquid in lieu of dishwasher tablets last night pic.twitter.com/7LqvOTEhYa — Abby Tomlinson (@twcuddleston) May 19, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-22--This digger driver made the day of a couple of kids with his next-level skills

What kid doesn ’ t love a digger ?
They hold a special place in the heart , like fire @ @ @ @ @ they don ’ t like carrots anymore , just after they see them on the @ @ @ @ @ got a special treat from the digger operator , who clearly has incredible skills .
@ @ @ @ @ by Betiice has been viewed nearly four million times , and while some people suggested @ @ @ @ @ safety nightmare , the level of skill and the obvious presence of a protective adult @ @ @ @ @ some of the most delighted comments .
We like this unofficial title someone has suggested @ @ @ @ @ the petition ?

Videos
What kid doesn’t love a digger? They hold a special place in the heart, like fire engines, trains and deciding they don’t like carrots anymore, just after they see them on the dinner plate.
These youngsters got a special treat from the digger operator, who clearly has incredible skills.
A memory that will last a lifetime 🤗
pic.twitter.com/UOr0BGWf5i — Kevin W. (@Brink_Thinker) May 19, 2020
The post, originally shared by Betiice has been viewed nearly four million times, and while some people suggested it was a health and safety nightmare, the level of skill and the obvious presence of a protective adult suggest otherwise.
Here are some of the most delighted comments.
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate the total precision that this digger driver possesses 👏🏼👀 https://t.co/RuO13A5Mml — Andy Colatron (@djcolatron) May 20, 2020
This made their day pic.twitter.com/TIb5LhQksW — Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) May 20, 2020
Dude has mad skills with his bucket! A+ from this dad. — brian lindsey (@jakeastron) May 18, 2020
Epic. The skill! The delight! https://t.co/iulFalFm0Z — Keith Ordinary Guy #NHSLove (@KeithCameron5) May 20, 2020
We like this unofficial title someone has suggested.
That guy is a Grandmaster of Tonka! — Mighty Typhoon (@mightytyphoon71) May 19, 2020
Where can we sign the petition?
READ MORE
Man proposes with 8-tonne digger
Source @kevinw Image @kevinw


thepoke--2020-05-22--16 of the funniest takes on how we’re all handling the coronavirus pandemic

The government might have been sending us mixed messages about whether to stay in , go out , or shake @ @ @ @ @ we can confirm that anyone shaking it all about had better be doing it at @ @ @ @ @ nearest person .
On Twitter , however , the message is clear – we have @ @ @ @ @ even if it ’ s in between sobs .

Twitter
The government might have been sending us mixed messages about whether to stay in, go out, or shake it all about, though we can confirm that anyone shaking it all about had better be doing it at least two metres from the nearest person.
On Twitter, however, the message is clear – we have to try and laugh, even if it’s in between sobs.
1.
"i've actually been cooking a lot during quarantine :)" me too they made restaurants illegal — dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 20, 2020
2.
doing a no-contact grocery pick up pic.twitter.com/zUhWuAEMsZ — patty burgers (@chuchugoogoo) May 17, 2020
3.
Our butcher opened up in Norwich, here’s the queue. pic.twitter.com/iESnmdUhS8 — Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) May 21, 2020
4.
Not one person who went for a job interview in 2015 got the answer right to, "So where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" — Antonia (@Flaminhaystack) May 21, 2020
5.
Matt Hancock opens the #DailyBriefing with “its ok to be not ok” which is nice but is it ok to be “catastrophically wrong about everything during a pandemic” — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) May 21, 2020
6.
2019: takes an Uber to dinner
2020: rides the roomba to the fridge — Dave (@pittdave13) May 21, 2020
7.
Daylight savings except we all put our clocks forward until 2021 — Phil P (@advicefromphil) May 21, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-05-22--Donald Trump thinks he was made Michigan’s Man of the Year but that’s not a real award

We don ’ t know if anyone still believes anything Donald Trump says , but if they do , this clip should give them pause for thought .
Trump certainly wouldn ’ t be Michigan ’ s Man of the Year right now , even if it existed , after threatening to pull state funding because officials sent out postal ballots for upcoming elections .
The President – of course – wants residents to risk catching Covid-19 by voting in person .
Here are a couple of reactions to the ridiculous claim .
However , there was a possible explanation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Man of the Year .
CNN reporter Daniel Dale spoke to the former Republican Representative of Michigan , Dave Trott .
This is what Trott recalled .
At a 2013 Lincoln Day dinner , Trump made a speech in which he thanked the congressman for the Man of the Year Award .
Although he knew there hadn ’ t been an award , Trott didn ’ t want to embarrass the guest so he just said “ Great speech.
” After thinking about how the misunderstanding might have happened , he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump had been given at the dinner – “ a statuette of Abraham Lincoln , a framed copy of Lincoln ’ s Gettysburg Address and a tie ” had been mistaken for an award .
Obviously .
Since he ’ s had seven years to double check his own story , it ’ s difficult not to come to a less generous conclusion than it being a misunderstanding .
The only 5 reactions you need to Trump boasting about his Facebook ratings

Twitter
We don’t know if anyone still believes anything Donald Trump says, but if they do, this clip should give them pause for thought.
Trump begins his speech at a Ford plant by boasting about winning the "man of the year" award in Michigan. There's just one problem — he totally made it up. There is no such award. https://t.co/yhgNkparlk pic.twitter.com/d6n9YrqgpQ — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 21, 2020
Trump certainly wouldn’t be Michigan’s Man of the Year right now, even if it existed, after threatening to pull state funding because officials sent out postal ballots for upcoming elections.
The President – of course – wants residents to risk catching Covid-19 by voting in person.
Here are a couple of reactions to the ridiculous claim.
In Season 3 Episode 24 of The Simpsons, Homer wins a fake award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. Trump is Homer Simpson. https://t.co/e8d2cPCA0Y — The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) May 21, 2020
Breaking: Babbling, bloated, mango-hued, crazy person enters Ford plant and tells bizarre tale of winning an award that doesn't even exist. https://t.co/tLOQSp5ixd — Bob Geiger (@GeigerNews) May 21, 2020
However, there was a possible explanation for Trump initially believing he was Michigan’s Man of the Year.
CNN reporter Daniel Dale spoke to the former Republican Representative of Michigan, Dave Trott.
Here's my old fact check about "Man of the Year in Michigan." Former GOP Rep. Dave Trott called me up to solve the mystery of what Trump is probably talking about: a 2013 dinner where he wasn't named Man of the Year in Michigan. https://t.co/rnJqbwHMzn https://t.co/7lCk51AruA — Daniel Dale (@ddale8) May 20, 2020
This is what Trott recalled.
At a 2013 Lincoln Day dinner, Trump made a speech in which he thanked the congressman for the Man of the Year Award. Although he knew there hadn’t been an award, Trott didn’t want to embarrass the guest so he just said “Great speech.” After thinking about how the misunderstanding might have happened, he could only conclude that the courtesy gifts Trump had been given at the dinner – “a statuette of Abraham Lincoln, a framed copy of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address and a tie” had been mistaken for an award. Obviously.
Since he’s had seven years to double check his own story, it’s difficult not to come to a less generous conclusion than it being a misunderstanding.
I’m starting to suspect that the president of the United States may be a liar. https://t.co/cO3tC28v1W — Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) May 21, 2020
READ MORE
The only 5 reactions you need to Trump boasting about his Facebook ratings
Source Aaron Rupar Image Aaron Rupar, Fox


thepoke--2020-05-22--It’s the deathly pause after he realises what’s happened that makes this so good

Sometimes the old ones are the best ones , a practical joke that is terribly juvenile and a salutary lesson @ @ @ @ @ have a read of what we ’ re about to say in public .
Before @ @ @ @ @ .
This crane driver winding up a sunbather with his shadow is a childish delight

Videos
Sometimes the old ones are the best ones, a practical joke that is terribly juvenile and a salutary lesson to us all to always have a read of what we’re about to say in public.
Before we say it in public.
The governor of Mississippi just read a list of 2020 HS graduates during virtual-graduation and someone slipped-in the name "Harry Azcrac" on him…😂🤣😭 pic.twitter.com/Pk6oOvZOXW — Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) May 19, 2020
Got him!
The pause after. He realized he got got. — Cornbread Wilson (@IsaacMRosenthal) May 19, 2020
Did Phil McCracken make the honor roll? — Marty Smith (@MartySmithESPN) May 19, 2020
Amanda Huginkiss? — David Aldridge (@davidaldridgedc) May 19, 2020
Once had our elderly supply teacher shouting out “Mike Hunt! Mike Hunt!” during class registration. We all laughed and he continued to shout “Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?!”. He didn’t get it and thought we were laughing because we knew where Mike was but wouldn’t tell him. 😁 — Sarah (@MrsB_UK) May 19, 2020
In short …
The 14-year-old in every one of us appreciates this more than we care to admit. — Rich Otterman (@Uncle_Fooby) May 19, 2020
READ MORE
This crane driver winding up a sunbather with his shadow is a childish delight
Source @RexChapman


thepoke--2020-05-23--If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were in lockdown

If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were in lockdown .
If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were utter @

Exclusive
If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were in lockdown.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
READ MORE
If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were utter arseholes


thepoke--2020-05-23--Just 19 nice things we’ve seen this week

We ’ re all still living through a terribly trying time but we ’ re trying to keep your chin @ @ @ @ @ so here are 19 nice things we ’ ve seen this week to hopefully bring @ @ @ @ @ .
Just 21 nice things to try and brighten your day

Pics
We’re all still living through a terribly trying time but we’re trying to keep your chin up when we can, so here are 19 nice things we’ve seen this week to hopefully bring a smile to your face.
Stay safe.
1.
My fiancé just asked me to come into the kitchen to see what they made. “It’s a couch potato.” pic.twitter.com/NA2IiDznl3 — Michael Barros (@BarrosMichael21) May 15, 2020
2.
3.
this is the future of entertainment pic.twitter.com/DXSKxdib2y — glamorous reptile (@glamoureptile) May 17, 2020
4.
5.
oh to be a duck made of rice simply sitting in a bowl of stew pic.twitter.com/lnybv3itnl — c (@badxthots) May 14, 2020
6.
My Papa only wears shirts with wolves on them so my grandma made him a wolf mask. Y’all!!!! ❤ pic.twitter.com/zQ6A2eDgjy — summernicoleee (@_ImYoGrandpa) May 18, 2020
7.
pls look at what my dad sent me this morning I cannot even❣ pic.twitter.com/QTy5J8uEwZ — (@libpincher) May 19, 2020
8.
his father left when he was 12, now he has a YT channel called “Dad, how do I?” to help kids who’re growing up without dads. teaching them basic tasks that you’d usually ask your dad for help on. this is the purest thing pic.twitter.com/JMKXM541xd — Mother Moon (@earthygissel) May 19, 2020
9.
why’s this the funniest thing I’ve seen pic.twitter.com/7ZwZBn8Sik — liv (@oliviac____) May 18, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-05-24--JK Rowling had the perfect response to a Cabinet Office inquiry into that rogue Civil Service tweet

JK Rowling had the perfect response to a Cabinet Office inquiry into that rogue Civil Service tweet about Boris Johnson

There ’ s not been an awful lot to cheer today as far as the government is concerned – not @ @ @ @ @ Cummings – but this rogue tweet by the Civil Service Twitter account brightened a lot @ @ @ @ @ .
It came after Boris Johnson gave his 100 % backing to his chief adviser @ @ @ @ @ lockdown rules , and , well , have a read of it for yourself .
@ @ @ @ @ of funny replies – many of which you can read here – and took on @ @ @ @ @ the Cabinet Office said it was investigating it .
On Twitter , obviously .
And @ @ @ @ @ things people said about that , beginning with the best .
The Civil Service just @ @ @ @ @ Twitter and the entire internet cheered – 11 favourite responses

Twitter
There’s not been an awful lot to cheer today as far as the government is concerned – not unless you’re Dominic Cummings – but this rogue tweet by the Civil Service Twitter account brightened a lot of people’s days.
It came after Boris Johnson gave his 100% backing to his chief adviser despite allegations that he broke lockdown rules, and, well, have a read of it for yourself.
It prompted a whole bunch of funny replies – many of which you can read here – and took on a whole second life after the Cabinet Office said it was investigating it. On Twitter, obviously.
An unauthorised tweet was posted on a government channel this evening. The post has been removed and we are investigating the matter. — Cabinet Office (@cabinetofficeuk) May 24, 2020
And here are our 9 favourite things people said about that, beginning with the best.
1.
When you find out who it was, let us know. I want to give them a year’s salary. https://t.co/D7DRlwcjty — J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 24, 2020
2.
Oh so now you care about the fucking rules — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 24, 2020
3.
I’m sure you’ll find that whoever did this was (*checks notes*)… following the instincts of any normal father. https://t.co/vLZaTxQB8t — Dara Ó Briain (@daraobriain) May 24, 2020
4.
As part of your investigations, you should bear in mind that it's the most popular tweet on your account ever. When you find the person responsible you should put them in charge of your social media accounts permanently. — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) May 24, 2020
5.
yeah cool let us know who it is so we can buy them whatever the heck they want — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) May 24, 2020
6.
Yeah, go after some social media guy for a naughty tweet while circling the wagons to protect a known arsehole who broke the law. Dickheads. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) May 24, 2020
7.
I'm not sure how that tweet broke any rules? The user has to exercise personal judgement with each tweet based on their circumstances. In the circumstances it was a perfectly reasonable thing to tweet. — Imran Escőbar (@razor5edge) May 24, 2020
8.
What? Someone broke Government rules? Did something unauthorised? Shit. Well. I know you guys are hot on that stuff. https://t.co/38hyaIpDWw — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 24, 2020
9.
An unauthorised journey was taken by a government adviser. The advisor will not be removed and we are not investigating the matter. https://t.co/W4DPnlFhIp — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) May 24, 2020
READ MORE
The Civil Service just took down Boris Johnson on Twitter and the entire internet cheered – 11 favourite responses


thepoke--2020-05-24--The Civil Service just took down Boris Johnson on Twitter and the entire internet cheered – 11 favou

The Civil Service just took down Boris Johnson on Twitter and the entire internet cheered – 11 favourite responses

It only lasted for 10 minutes or so before it was deleted , but this tweet from the Civil Service @ @ @ @ @ had the entire internet cheering today .
It came after Boris Johnson gave his full @ @ @ @ @ saying his chief adviser had acted ‘ responsibly and legally and with integrity ’ despite @ @ @ @ @ government ’ s own lockdown rules on several occasions .
And this is what whoever @ @ @ @ @ Civil Service on Twitter made of that .
Like all the best takedowns , short @ @ @ @ @ point .
And it was even better when it was read out on BBC News @ @ @ @ @ on because so many people took screenshots , of course .
Here are our favourite @ @ @ @ @ about it .
Boris Johnson just backed Dominic Cummings to the hilt – 23 furious @

Twitter
It only lasted for 10 minutes or so before it was deleted, but this tweet from the Civil Service’s official Twitter account had the entire internet cheering.
It came after Boris Johnson gave his full backing to Dominic Cummings, saying his chief adviser had acted ‘responsibly and legally and with integrity’ despite allegations he broke the government’s own lockdown rules on several occasions.
And this is what the official Twitter account of the Civil Service – which is supposed to be politically neutral of course – made of that.
‘Arrogant and offensive. Can you imagine having to work with these truth twisters?’
Like all the best takedowns, short and very much to the point. And it was even better when it was read out on BBC News.
yeah that civil service tweet is good, but it’s even better when it’s being read out slowly on BBC News pic.twitter.com/dxiRvN9MJZ — Jon Stone (@joncstone) May 24, 2020
The deleted tweet lived on because so many people took screenshots, of course. Here are our favourite things people had to say about it.
1.
The UK Civil service press team were only following the instincts of every father in this country. pic.twitter.com/LlVxNoRq0t — Grant Tucker (@GrantTucker) May 24, 2020
2.
The person that sent that Civil Service tweet right now. pic.twitter.com/fYPS0lBngc — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) May 24, 2020
3.
Sane world where the civil service social media person (who didn’t potentially kill people on a coronavirus road trip) is going to be the one who gets fired for breaking the rules — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 24, 2020
4.
Never. Piss. Off. The. Social. Media. Team. — Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) May 24, 2020
5.
the civil service social media manager pic.twitter.com/ohMH94rDmp — Abby Tomlinson (@twcuddleston) May 24, 2020
6.
https://twitter.com/supermathskid/status/1264603530805026818?s=20
7.
When Boris catches the civil service intern running the twitter account pic.twitter.com/HyAewcL3lg — Hawk (@etobedlam) May 24, 2020
8.
Has anyone seen the civil service twitter account log-ins? I put them down by a fruit machine at Thurrock services and haven't seen them since. — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 24, 2020
9.
Now deleted but massive respect for the @UKCivilService social media person we all love you your bosses are twats pic.twitter.com/9PAax3MMXn — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) May 24, 2020
10.
https://twitter.com/liamyoung/status/1264603253620248577?s=20
11.
Don’t worry about them deleting the tweet. I’ve framed it. pic.twitter.com/kQUiKvLCrX — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) May 24, 2020
To conclude …
This got taken down in a hurry but whoever it was at the Civil Service (now undoubtedly fired) is an absolute LEGEND. pic.twitter.com/o9R7pTrUYH — Ralf Little (@RalfLittle) May 24, 2020
READ MORE
Boris Johnson just backed Dominic Cummings to the hilt – 23 furious responses


thepoke--2020-05-24--Boris Johnson just backed Dominic Cummings to the hilt – 23 furious responses

Boris Johnson backed Dominic Cummings to the hilt at a press conference on Sunday , despite allegations that his chief @ @ @ @ @ s own lockdown rules on several occasions .
Johnson said Cummings was just following his @ @ @ @ @ to have made everything alright , then .
And here ’ s exactly what many @ @ @ @ @ that .

Twitter
Boris Johnson backed Dominic Cummings to the hilt at a press conference on Sunday, despite allegations that his chief adviser broke the government’s own lockdown rules on several occasions.
Johnson said Cummings was just following his ‘instincts’ which appears to have made everything alright, then.
“I believe that in every respect he has acted responsibly and legally and with integrity.” Boris Johnson says top aide Dominic Cummings “followed the instincts of every father and every parent, and I do not mark him down for that”. pic.twitter.com/JH4bLYXB02 — Channel 4 News (@Channel4News) May 24, 2020
And here’s exactly what many, many people made of that.
1.
We're being taken for absolute mugs. Our parents, our kids, our carers, our health workers, every one of us. It's such a sad day. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 24, 2020
2.
Big moment this. The Prime Minister is blatantly & demonstrably lying to the British people on live television. Some poor souls will tug their forelocks & welcome it, of course, but the gamble rests on all the previously supportive people who can see it for what it is. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 24, 2020
3.
Please. Stop. Lying. — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) May 24, 2020
4.
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1264590055450042368?s=20
5.
It’s the opinion of the prime minister that all of you who had the virus but stayed at home to stop the spread and potentially killing others are shit parents — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 24, 2020
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People. Couldn't. Hold. Their. Dying. Children. — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) May 24, 2020
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Boris Johnson on following “the instincts of every father” is an unspecified number of bridges too far — Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) May 24, 2020
8.
Oh FFS Johnson you big twat. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 24, 2020
9.
Watching Johnson. This is despicable. Parents all over this country have abided by the lockdown rules, even while ill themselves. Hundreds of thousands managed toddlers while shut up inside cramped accommodation, purely for the common good AS THE GOVERNMENT TOLD THEM TO DO. — J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 24, 2020
10.
Of course Boris thinks “a father’s instinct” is getting in car and driving for hundreds of miles — Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) May 24, 2020
11.
It's all our fault. None of us understood the guidelines and rules. Seems only two men did.
This is genuinely disgusting isn't it? — Danny Baker (@prodnose) May 24, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-24--This Sunday Times reader’s comment went viral because it nails Cummings and Johnson 100%

As you ’ ll have seen by now , Boris Johnson ’ s chief adviser Dominic Cummings is alleged to @ @ @ @ @ s own rules on lockdown – several times – by driving 260 miles from London @ @ @ @ @ his family .
Lots and lots of people have been having their say – you @ @ @ @ @ favourite comments here – and cabinet ministers have been doing their best to defend the @ @ @ @ @ put it so well as this Sunday Times reader comment which went viral because , @ @ @ @ @ yourself .
Simply 27 favourite things people are saying about Dominic Cummings right now AND @ @ @ @ @ ‘ caring for your wife and child is not a crime ’ – only 5 @ @ @

News
As you’ll have seen by now, Boris Johnson’s chief adviser Dominic Cummings is alleged to have broken the government’s own rules on lockdown – several times – by driving 260 miles from London to Durham to be near his family.
Lots and lots of people have been having their say – you can find 27 of our favourite comments here – and cabinet ministers have been doing their best to defend the indefensible.
But few people put it so well as this Sunday Times reader comment which went viral because, well have a read for yourself.
Nails it.
READ MORE
Simply 27 favourite things people are saying about Dominic Cummings right now
AND EVEN MORE
Michael Gove said ‘caring for your wife and child is not a crime’ – only 5 replies you need


thepoke--2020-05-24--Michael Gove said ‘caring for your wife and child is not a crime’ – only 5 replies you need

Lots of cabinet ministers are today playing a game called ‘ defending the indefensible ’ after Dominic Cummings was alleged @ @ @ @ @ lockdown rules .
Boris Johnson ’ s special adviser is said to have travelled 260 @ @ @ @ @ to be near his family , breaking the rules not once but on several occasions @ @ @ @ @ Gove doing his best to stand up for Cummings on Twitter .
And here are @ @ @ @ @ need .
There was also this kind offer of help .
Simply 27 favourite things @ @ @ @ @ Cummings right now

Twitter
Lots of cabinet ministers are today playing a game called ‘defending the indefensible’ after Dominic Cummings was alleged to have broken his own lockdown rules.
Boris Johnson’s special adviser is said to have travelled 260 miles from London to Durham to be near his family, breaking the rules not once but on several occasions.
Here’s Michael Gove doing his best to stand up for Cummings on Twitter.
Caring for your wife and child is not a crime https://t.co/YCXWhKTq28 — Michael Gove (@michaelgove) May 23, 2020
And here are the only 5 responses you need.
It’s weird how you announced it was fine to take the virus 270 miles down the motorway (probably stopping to spread it around a bit whilst you refuel) and let it stay with your family only after one of your lot was caught — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 23, 2020
And yet people have, on your instruction, missed their babies being born, not been able to be with their dying mother, not been able to attend their loved one’s funeral. But someone with suspected Covid decided to hit the road for some childcare and that’s fine? — Sali Hughes (@salihughes) May 23, 2020
What is it about your own Government's Guidance you find confusing, Michael? How can you possibly justify him knowingly acting in such a way as subjects others to the risk of death? pic.twitter.com/rNMqymkn4L — Jo Maugham QC (@JolyonMaugham) May 23, 2020
Hello Michael, will you therefore be recommending refunding everyone who got fined for breaking lockdown rules whilst symptomatic in order to visit family? — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) May 23, 2020
Shorter version: Mr and Mrs Cummings family feelings are much more important than anyone else’s in the country. They can break lockdown. We can’t. — Peter Jukes (@peterjukes) May 23, 2020
There was also this kind offer of help.
I worry Michael that you and a number of your colleagues share fundamental misunderstandings as to what is and is not a crime. I’m here if you’d like some help with your understanding. — The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) May 23, 2020
To conclude …
No, Michael. But breaking the law is. https://t.co/7w8tMeYhc9 — Carole Cadwalladr (@carolecadwalla) May 23, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 27 favourite things people are saying about Dominic Cummings right now


thepoke--2020-05-24--Simply 27 favourite things people are saying about Dominic Cummings right now

There ’ s only one person everyone ’ s talking about today after it was alleged that Dominic Cummings broke @ @ @ @ @ lockdown rules on several different occasions .
Boris Johnson ’ s chief adviser said he @ @ @ @ @ despite disclosures that he travelled 260 miles from London to be near relatives in Durham @ @ @ @ @ rules .
And these 27 tweets capture exactly how most of the nation feels about @ @ @ @ @ some funny , all entirely on-point .

News
There’s only one person everyone’s talking about today after it was alleged that Dominic Cummings broke the government’s own lockdown rules on several different occasions.
Boris Johnson’s chief adviser said he won’t be quitting despite disclosures that he travelled 260 miles from London to be near relatives in Durham in breach of the lockdown rules.
And these 27 tweets capture exactly how most of the nation feels about that – some serious, some funny, all entirely on-point.
1.
To the person who spotted Dominic Cummings in Durham and reported it to the police. Well done for… staying alert. — Jason Reid (@JasonReidUK) May 23, 2020
2.
Hey, Dominic Cummings, I haven’t driven the 120 miles to see my Mum in 8 weeks, to even sit in her garden and have a cup of tea with her. I will be driving down next week for her funeral. I’m guessing you’ll get to see your mum again though. #DominicCummingsMustGo — Sam Missingham (@samatlounge) May 23, 2020
3.
Here’s your freedom of travel mask to print out in case you get stopped anywhere. Just put it on, and do whatever the fuck you want. #DominicCummngs #BorisJohnson pic.twitter.com/GptSJ5CgHp — Kenny Arnold (@kennyarnold1997) May 23, 2020
4.
The #DominicCumings scandal is so explosive because it is not abstract. Hundreds of thousands of people sacrificed by not going to funerals or not seeing frightened parents. They will never forget. — Fintan O'Toole (@fotoole) May 23, 2020
5.
“We were simply keen to visit Durham, with its famous castle and cathedral which has a 66m spire” pic.twitter.com/7UHBslbOOt — Andrew McQuillan (@ajmcq1993) May 23, 2020
6.
It’s not contempt shown to people who see through them that defines the Johnson/Cummings playbook, it’s contempt shown to people who support them. Your family is less important than theirs, your loved ones less valuable, your safety less important. You don’t really matter at all. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 24, 2020
7.
It's odd how Cummings has so many "friends" willing to make fools of themselves to defend him, but none to help him with childcare. — Chris Dillow (@CJFDillow) May 23, 2020
8.
The only crime Dominic Cummings has committed is the crime of doing a crime. And if that’s a crime then lock me up. — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) May 23, 2020
9.
I'm not allowed to see my mum so I'm going to visit Dominic Cummings parents in Durham instead.
Apparently that's fine — joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 24, 2020
10.
First Dominic Cummings travelled to Durham; "out of fear for his children" and it just happened to coincide with his mother's birthday. Then, he traveled to Barnard Castle on what just happened to be his wife's birthday. What are the odds eh?l — Alex Tiffin (@RespectIsVital) May 23, 2020
11.
Here’s a poem called ‘Dominic Cummings: The Lockdown Tour’. pic.twitter.com/nnbOyccDfA — Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) May 24, 2020
12.
I am a single parent. When I had the virus I didn’t go to my sister’s even though she lives a few miles away. To suggest that Dominic Cummings did nothing wrong because he was trying to protect his family is massively insulting to the rest of us who have been following the advice — Liz Jarvis (@LizJarvisUK) May 23, 2020
13.


thepoke--2020-05-26--What do you get if you cross a Bolivian orchestra, a ghost and some wolves? The weirdest headline of

What do you get if you cross a Bolivian orchestra, a ghost and some wolves? The weirdest headline of 2020

What do you get if you cross a Bolivian orchestra , a ghost and some wolves ?
This absolutely fantastic @ @ @ @ @ Where are Scooby Doo and the gang when we need them most ?
The headline @ @ @ @ @ the other news , and these were the funniest comments we spotted .
We wholeheartedly @ @ @ @ @ , who knows a thing or two about headlines .
Elaine Paige felt the need @ @ @ @ @ headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate effect Source New York Post Image @ @ @ @ @ @ Unsplash

Popular
What do you get if you cross a Bolivian orchestra, a ghost and some wolves? This absolutely fantastic headline.
Bolivian orchestra stranded at 'haunted' German castle surrounded by wolves https://t.co/ANbj2lDvE4 pic.twitter.com/ZkeraGAJ2A — New York Post (@nypost) May 23, 2020
“Bolivia closed its borders — and the group was stranded at the 600 acre estate surrounded by 23 packs of wolves and haunted by the ghost of Frederick the Great.”
Beat that! Where are Scooby Doo and the gang when we need them most?
The headline provided a welcome distraction from the other news, and these were the funniest comments we spotted.
1.
2.
well what the hell did they think would happen going in a haunted castle https://t.co/a1mZAxgfcT — Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) May 23, 2020
3.
my therapist: the bolivian orchestra-hating haunted german castle surrounded by wolves isn't real and can't hurt you the bolivian orchestra-hating haunted german castle surrounded by wolves: https://t.co/C076W25lIg — Chris Boyd 🇬🇧🇵🇭 (@paperghost) May 24, 2020
4.
can these lads catch a break! https://t.co/zpXpkhStmP — Captain Sunder (@SunderCR) May 23, 2020
5.
“So how was your quarantine?”
*deep breath* “WELL —“ https://t.co/FHvtOedhxB — David Hines (@hradzka) May 24, 2020
6.
My brain right now https://t.co/Lzr3f3sSSq — afterglow (@afterglow2046) May 24, 2020
7.
I've been working on this screenplay for a year and… they just tweeted it. So much for Castle WolfenStrauss. — Tiger Ken (@KenStachnik) May 23, 2020
8.
is this the beginning of an epic maths question https://t.co/kYfUcw4SMs — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 25, 2020
9.
The castle owner should take the orchestra across first, return for the wolves, drop them off and pick up the orchestra again, go back and swap them for the instruments, then finally make one more return for the orchestra. Or the orchestra could go first and then just run for it — LiquidationLovesYou (@LiquidationLPL) May 25, 2020
10.
This BOLIVIAN orchestra just inherited the Estate of a lifetime, but only one can be the true heir, to find out they will have to spend Quarantine together. But wait, what’s that creeping into the Foyer.. could it be the GHOST of the Manor?! No it’s a PACK of bloodthirsty wolves! — The Safehouse™ (@xXsafehouseXx) May 24, 2020
11.
call wes anderson https://t.co/K4rR0ZwgPr — Various Jams (@VRSJMS) May 23, 2020
12.
This is all I've ever asked for https://t.co/hpkk44Ke25 — Doth (@DothTheDoth) May 23, 2020
We wholeheartedly agree with journalist Michael Moran, who knows a thing or two about headlines.
I don’t know if a better headline *could* exist https://t.co/wzIfimhks9 — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) May 23, 2020
READ MORE
Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘clarify’ this headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate effect
Source New York Post Image @mlarosa97 and @albertobigoni on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-26--Michael Spicer hilariously struggles to rein in Donald Trump’s nonsense from the Room Next Door

Michael Spicer ‘ s sketches are happy little oases of reason in the chaos of 2020 politics , and this @ @ @ @ @ – created for The Late Late Show With James Corden – is one of his @ @ @ @ @ probably all benefit from a pillow to scream into right now .
Here ’ s @ @ @ @ @ described it .
This is just a taste of the love Twitter has shown for @ @ @ @ @ had this apt remark to make .
Michael Spicer ’ s latest Room Next Door @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s bleach suggestion

Videos
Michael Spicer‘s sketches are happy little oases of reason in the chaos of 2020 politics, and this recent Room Next Door recording – created for The Late Late Show With James Corden – is one of his best.
We’d probably all benefit from a pillow to scream into right now.
Here’s how The Late Late Show described it.
Donald Trump's new advisor @MrMichaelSpicer can't stop the president's COVID-19 press conference from transitioning into absurdityhttps://t.co/EwCZz30Hq7 pic.twitter.com/gwQvwwWD0r — The Late Late Show with James Corden (@latelateshow) May 20, 2020
This is just a taste of the love Twitter has shown for the sketch.
Nailed it. Again.
We'll done Mr Spicer. A nation salutes you. No, not that nation, this nation. And probably others. And actually that one as well. Mostly. 😂 https://t.co/KfMj4mLK0G — Dr Alan Watson (@DrAlanWatson) May 20, 2020
Aaah! Stunning. I’m in awe of the fact that these keep getting better. You’re like a comedic high jumper breaking your own record with each jump. — Chaz Hutton (@chazhutton) May 20, 2020
Michael, these sketches are genuinely the only place I can stand to listen to trump's voice 👏 — The girl with the gerbil tattoo (@gerbillady) May 22, 2020
Ben Woolnough had this apt remark to make.
I feel privileged to have witnessed your Transition into Greatness this past year or so @MrMichaelSpicer ! — Ben Woolnough (@benhoward_w) May 20, 2020
READ MORE
Michael Spicer’s latest Room Next Door shines a new light on Trump’s bleach suggestion
Source The Late Late Show Image The Late Late Show


thepoke--2020-05-26--17 hilarious additions to Barnard Castle’s TripAdvisor after *that* press conference

After weeks of speculation about whether Downing Street SpAd Dominic Cummings had taken a trip to Barnard Castle during lockdown @ @ @ @ @ a press conference .
The reason he gave for visiting the tourist site was that @ @ @ @ @ test whether he would be safe to drive to London , having had eye trouble @ @ @ @ @ claim was met with a great deal of scorn , like this .
It also @ @ @ @ @ fake reviews posted to TripAdvisor .
These were our favourites .

Pics
After weeks of speculation about whether Downing Street SpAd Dominic Cummings had taken a trip to Barnard Castle during lockdown, he confirmed it during a press conference.
The reason he gave for visiting the tourist site was that he needed to *checks notes* test whether he would be safe to drive to London, having had eye trouble after being ill.
The claim was met with a great deal of scorn, like this.
"Give me the car keys – we're going to Barnard Castle"#CumGate pic.twitter.com/bpA0t7COf7 — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 25, 2020
It also ramped up the amount of fake reviews posted to TripAdvisor. These were our favourites.
1.
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5.
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7.
8.
9.
10.


thepoke--2020-05-26--A-Ha’s ‘Take On Me’ played on a washing machine has got us all in a spin

Music producer and filmmaker , Kurt Schneider , describes himself as the CEO of music with weird things , and @ @ @ @ @ all .
Some of those things have included : The key pad to his door @ @ @ @ @ up with @ electricjason to recreate A-Ha ’ s Take On Me using – wait @ @ @ @ @ machine and dryer .
As you do .
That ’ s impressive , if somewhat @ @ @ @ @ .
The clip turned up on Twitter , where it ’ s been getting a @ @ @ @ @ practically minded TikTok user named Potatotok_05 reminded us all of the risks .
So , @ @ @ @ @ at home – unless you own the white goods .
Phil Collins ’ In The @ @ @ @ @ doors is the video we didn ’ t know we needed

Videos
Music producer and filmmaker, Kurt Schneider, describes himself as the CEO of music with weird things, and that just about says it all.
Some of those things have included:
The key pad to his door lock.
A blender.
Oven doors.
He recently joined up with @electricjason to recreate A-Ha’s Take On Me using – wait for it – a washing machine and dryer. As you do.
That’s impressive, if somewhat impractical for the world tour.
The clip turned up on Twitter, where it’s been getting a lot of love.
this is the greatest thing ive seen all day pic.twitter.com/f4wSSPFHoG — glitch! @ tireddd (@GlitchyFur) May 20, 2020
This is hilarious. I wish my washing machine and dryer were this talented… https://t.co/uu8xlIbmSh — Jess Dodson #StayTheFuckHome (@girlgerms) May 22, 2020
I can’t stop watching this. A-Ha’s Take On Me played on a washing machine. pic.twitter.com/s2JJKsv1eI — iPaulie (@iPaulie) May 23, 2020
There is an alternative to watching the news . . . https://t.co/PSXu0IHNei — Gyles Brandreth (@GylesB1) May 24, 2020
A practically minded TikTok user named Potatotok_05 reminded us all of the risks.
Then your mom seeing this be like: dOn’T bReAk ThE wAsHiNg MacHiNe.
So, don’t try this at home – unless you own the white goods.
READ MORE
Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight played on cupboard doors is the video we didn’t know we needed
Source Kurt Schneider Image Kurt Schneider


thepoke--2020-05-26--Dominic Cummings drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight – these 23 reactions are off the chart

Dominic Cummings drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight – these 23 reactions are off the charts

In an effort to end the speculation and unrest surrounding his trip to Durham during lockdown , Dominic Cummings addressed @ @ @ @ @ .
His explanation for a controversial trip to North Eastern tourist attraction , Barnard Castle @ @ @ @ @ a test drive because his eyesight had been affected by Covid-19 and he needed to @ @ @ @ @ to drive to London .

News
In an effort to end the speculation and unrest surrounding his trip to Durham during lockdown, Dominic Cummings addressed the press and took questions.
His explanation for a controversial trip to North Eastern tourist attraction, Barnard Castle, was that it was a test drive because his eyesight had been affected by Covid-19 and he needed to be sure he was fit to drive to London.
Unsurprisingly, Twitter had thoughts.
1.
“Today’s discussion – have you ever driven whilst going blind?” pic.twitter.com/c40pi8XjHQ — Mo' (@mocent0) May 25, 2020
2.
Stay alert. Control the virus. Drive for 30 miles to check whether you're going blind — Graeme Demianyk (@GraemeDemianyk) May 25, 2020
3.
STRAP IN AND HOLD ON TIGHT KIDS, DADDY'S CHECKING HIS EYESIGHT, YEEEEEEHAWWWWWW — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 25, 2020
4.
“I wanted to make sure my child was safe, so when I felt wonky and my eyesight was blurry, I took him in a car and drove for miles” pic.twitter.com/GU2Vg6O9J4 — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) May 25, 2020
5.
Get in loser, I'm going blind pic.twitter.com/6jF5z2Vut7 — Charles (@charlesfare) May 25, 2020
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7.
"I once took my wife and child on an hour's drive to test my eyesight" pic.twitter.com/MlLyiERaku — Shane Bailey (@ShaneBailey92) May 25, 2020
8.
The Prime Minister says the virus has affected his eyesight too. Presumably the way to confirm whether you can see or not is to drive 60 miles? — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) May 25, 2020
9.
Should i hire a car to see whether i'm still blind? — Gary O'Donoghue (@BBCBlindGazza) May 25, 2020
10.
"We're thirty miles from Barnard Castle, we've got half a tank of gas, a child in the back, and I can't see properly."
"Hit it." pic.twitter.com/EkEyWsSxfK — Davey Six-Toes (@HutchinsonDave) May 25, 2020
11.
"Just testing my eyesight, Officer."
"Right you are, sir. Carry on driving." — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 25, 2020
12.
pretty wild for a man accused of endangering public health to use as his main defence “my eyesight was failing so I went for a thirty mile drive with my four year old strapped in the back” 🤷 — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) May 25, 2020
13.


thepoke--2020-05-27--People have been sharing Classic Dom excuses to rival the Barnard Castle eye test – our 23 favourite

People have been sharing Classic Dom excuses to rival the Barnard Castle eye test – our 23 favourites

Despite the best efforts of a string of MPs to convince interviewers that the general public wants to move on @ @ @ @ @ , the public – in the shape of Twitter – has other ideas .
On @ @ @ @ @ # ClassicDomExcuses trended for several hours , as people tried to match his “ I @ @ @ @ @ test my eyesight ” reasoning .
This is what started the ball rolling .
These @ @ @ @

Twitter
Despite the best efforts of a string of MPs to convince interviewers that the general public wants to move on from the Dominic Cummings issue, the public – in the shape of Twitter – has other ideas.
On Tuesday evening, the hashtag #ClassicDomExcuses trended for several hours, as people tried to match his “I drove to Barnard Castle to test my eyesight” reasoning.
This is what started the ball rolling.
As its tricky to get hashtags with Cummings in to trend – as Dominic Cummings' mum had the foresight to shag with a man with a semen-based name, to protect her son from Twitter crowd fury, we can instead use #ClassicDomExcuses Eg Barnard Castle eye test — Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) May 26, 2020
These were our favourites.
1.
#ClassicDomExcuses I set fire to my bakery on Pudding Lane in 1666 because I knew smoke alarms would be invented 200 years later. I wrote a blog about this at the time. — Røb Łé Røñé (@robertlerone) May 26, 2020
2.
#ClassicDomExcuses. I had to drive to the castle to use the portal to middle eath, as hancock needed me to retrieve the protective ring for the care homes, it was then imperative I return to London to pick up the delorean to finish the job. — Christabel Gashion (@Christabelius) May 26, 2020
3.
#ClassicDomExcuses "Yes, of course I had to shoot Abraham Lincoln, he was in front of me in the theatre and had a whacking great hat on. My wife, my son and I couldn't see anything and we'd driven 250 to see that show." — BeckSaxon (@becksaxon) May 26, 2020
4.
I'm not on holiday, officer! I came to the Lake District to test my lung capacity in the fresh air!#ClassicDomExcuses — ABritB 🌹 (@bazaar_brit) May 26, 2020
5.
I just went to the beach to check my suncream was working #ClassicDomExcuses — Toni with an I (@Hippychick3000) May 26, 2020
6.
I drove to France to check I still liked croissants, then I drove to Italy to check I still liked pasta #ClassicDomExcuses — Sally-Anne Tarpy (@SallyTarpy73) May 26, 2020
7.
#classicdomExcuses I only smirked smugly at the end of the Rose Garden Press Conference to test my facial muscles. — Colleen Hawkins (@Lady_Colleen) May 26, 2020
8.
I locked my dog in the house then set it on fire to see if the fire-alarm was working. I didn't do anything wrong.#ClassicDomExcuses pic.twitter.com/EO9ODqBglp — docrussjackson JOIN A UNION. (@docrussjackson) May 26, 2020
9.
#ClassicDomExcuses I just threw the entire government lockdown policy under a bus to check if the brakes were working — Scott (@scottwilks) May 26, 2020
10.
#ClassicDomExcuses "I turned up half an hour late to my own press conference just to check if everyone's watches were working" — Jacynth Bassett (@JacynthBassett) May 26, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-27--Whoever did today’s Daily Star front page, take the rest of the week off

It ’ s not often ( ever ) the Daily Star speaks for the nation , but today ’ s @ @ @ @ @ entire internet – well , a large part of it – cheering .
And here @ @ @ @ @ the things people were saying about it .
Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline @ @ @ @ @ yourself a pay rise

News
It’s not often the Daily Star speaks for the nation, but today’s front page has got the entire internet – well, a large part of it – cheering.
Who doesn’t want a cut-out-and-keep Dominic Cummings mask?
And here are just a few of the things people were saying about it.
1.
I have never been tempted to buy the Daily Star before. That has changed. pic.twitter.com/kyplCGGDZe — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) May 26, 2020
2.
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1265515375749402631?s=20
3.
I don’t think a government is ever truly finished until it becomes a laughing stock. pic.twitter.com/z37wyCcmXw — Tim Walker (@ThatTimWalker) May 26, 2020
4.
Would really love to go back to February and show random people this front page and ask them how they think we get to this point pic.twitter.com/s50XPFDtbQ — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) May 26, 2020
5.
I’m not saying that this story has got away from the government but… pic.twitter.com/UKXk37dqXg — Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 26, 2020
6.
This continues to go very well for the government pic.twitter.com/r7uka6kqS0 — Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) May 27, 2020
7.
Can’t remember the tabloids ever so united on one issue. True voices of the people Ps you got me. They are “campaigning newspapers” https://t.co/qjXMfbJcOC — Lionel Barber (@lionelbarber) May 27, 2020
8.
Dominic Cummings: ‘I shall be the shadowy puppet master’ Daily Star: ‘Wear this idiot’s face’ pic.twitter.com/fEIilrm39a — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) May 26, 2020
9.
https://twitter.com/JackDunc1/status/1265400920076058624?s=20
And just in case you missed the ‘thought for the day’ …
READ MORE
Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise


thepoke--2020-05-27--This menu lost something in translation – but gained so much more

Hats off to the person who translated this menu from Arabic to English , presumably via at least four other @ @ @ @ @ have a closer look at that .
All of which sound like potential Bond film @ @ @ @ @ incredibly entertaining , but not a great deal of use for someone trying to choose @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve been trying to avoid eating too much foul white jar and metal suspicion @ @ @ @ @ just order a regular Erika with some blindfolded Royalty .
Happily , Twitter stepped up @ @ @ @ @ out Vlada ’ s mum ’ s friend ’ s husband , so hopefully he @ @ @ @ @ .
The menu kept people entertained as they tried to fathom what the items were @ @ @ @ @ quirkiness .
One person shared something similar from a local takeaway .
Either that or @ @ @ @ @ paint colour chart .
18 of the most gloriously weird translations from language app Duolingo

Pics
Hats off to the person who translated this menu from Arabic to English, presumably via at least four other languages.
So my mother's friend's husband is stuck in a hotel in Saudi Arabia and this is the order menu they gave him Do I have any Arabic speaking followers that can help make sense of this but also, tag yourself, I'm "Normal doubt" pic.twitter.com/MVemyCCON9 — Vlada ✨😈✨ (@vladadraws) May 24, 2020
Let’s have a closer look at that.
A few highlights include:
Accuracy of sheep meat Its loop is in cornflex She is suspicious of cheese Popular problem Foul flip red After one day
All of which sound like potential Bond film titles.
It’s incredibly entertaining, but not a great deal of use for someone trying to choose what to eat.
We’ve been trying to avoid eating too much foul white jar and metal suspicion, so perhaps we could just order a regular Erika with some blindfolded Royalty.
Happily, Twitter stepped up with a translation to help out Vlada’s mum’s friend’s husband, so hopefully he ended up with something tasty.
Here is the translation I've got! Big thank you to @ReeshOdd for helping out so quickly, and to everyone else who's reached out! pic.twitter.com/BjKLKDHlqg — Vlada ✨😈✨ (@vladadraws) May 24, 2020
The menu kept people entertained as they tried to fathom what the items were or simply delight in their quirkiness.
One person shared something similar from a local takeaway.
A place near me have some similar amazing dishes pic.twitter.com/5BLOuzp52J — wario43 (@wario43) May 24, 2020
Tweeter Donkey Hoate noticed something.
It’s literally a list of perfect band names. — Donkey Hoate (@donkeyhoate) May 25, 2020
Either that or it’s actually a paint colour chart.
READ MORE
18 of the most gloriously weird translations from language app Duolingo
Source Vlada Image Vlada, @prtnmryan on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-27--Emily Maitlis just nailed the whole Dominic Cummings saga in 20 seconds flat

Emily Maitlis has done it again .
The Newsnight presenter , whose devastating coronavirus monologue went viral a little while ago , used her introduction to last night ’ s programme to capture much of the public mood about Dominic Cummings .
And if you wanted a 45-second summary of why we are where we are right now then watch this .
‘ Dominic Cummings broke the rules , the country can see that , and it ’ s shocked the government can not .
The longer ministers and the prime minister tell us he worked with them , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is likely to be .
He was the man , remember , who always got the public mood , he tagged the lazy label of ‘ elite ’ on those who disagreed .
He should understand that public mood .
One of fury , contempt , and anguish .
He made those who struggled to keep to the rules feel like fools , and has allowed many more to feel like they can flout them .
The prime minister knows all this , and despite the resignation of one minister , growing unease @ @ @ @ @ @ @ warning from the polls , and a deep national disquiet , Boris Johnson has chosen to ignore it.
’ And just some of the things people were saying about it .
And just for the interests of balance and all that , not everyone agreed with it .
Emily Maitlis busted the myths about the social impact of coronavirus and everyone applauded

Twitter
Emily Maitlis has done it again.
The Newsnight presenter, whose devastating coronavirus monologue went viral a little while ago, used her introduction to last night’s programme to capture much of the public mood about Dominic Cummings.
And if you wanted a 45-second summary of why we are where we are right now then watch this.
‘He made those who struggled to keep to the rules feel like fools and has allowed many more to assume they can now flout them. The prime minister knows all this and has chosen to ignore it.’ Savage brilliance from @maitlis #newsnight pic.twitter.com/1tX879ICqZ — Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) May 26, 2020
Nailed it.
‘Dominic Cummings broke the rules, the country can see that, and it’s shocked the government cannot. The longer ministers and the prime minister tell us he worked with them, the more angry the response to this scandal is likely to be. He was the man, remember, who always got the public mood, he tagged the lazy label of ‘elite’ on those who disagreed. He should understand that public mood. One of fury, contempt, and anguish. He made those who struggled to keep to the rules feel like fools, and has allowed many more to feel like they can flout them. The prime minister knows all this, and despite the resignation of one minister, growing unease from his backbenchers, a dramatic early warning from the polls, and a deep national disquiet, Boris Johnson has chosen to ignore it.’
And just some of the things people were saying about it.
Emily Maitlis doesn't fuck about does she?#Newsnight pic.twitter.com/z0OqV4vbXI — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 26, 2020
Emily Maitlis: “We asked the government to come on the programme tonight, they told us — do join in if you know the words — nobody was available.” #Newsnight — Ben (@islandniles) May 26, 2020
The Emily Maitlis Miracle MK2. These words were brilliant and most definitely needed. This needs to be the new norm. ‘He made those who struggled to keep to the rules feel like fools and has allowed many more to assume they can now flout them. #BBCBreakfast #SkyNews #GMB pic.twitter.com/PagjxAeC31 — Jon Jones (@JonJonesSnr) May 27, 2020
If the government weren’t boycotting Newsnight during a pandemic this opening would still be fucking brutal but it wouldn’t have the “and also they’re cowards” sting at the end pic.twitter.com/5OwiZhF3Qb — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 26, 2020
I am often quite cross with BBC News, but Emily Maitlis is often its very best asset. https://t.co/cbUBhP7VLB — Robin Ince (@robinince) May 26, 2020
And just for the interests of balance and all that, not everyone agreed with it.
Newsnight is now starting with a monologue telling you what you are supposed to think. We’re being forced to pay for a left-wing version of Fox News. pic.twitter.com/rswKQIkWOk — Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) May 26, 2020
Just most people.
READ MORE
Emily Maitlis busted the myths about the social impact of coronavirus and everyone applauded
H/T Indy100 Source @jonlis1


thepoke--2020-05-27--There’s something truly mesmerising about how this road marking is made

There ’ s just something about watching an expert that can be quite mesmerising , and this highways maintenance man @ @ @ @ @ lane is clearly an expert .
As much as we loved seeing him do that @ @ @ @ @ help fearing for the poor guy ’ s back at the end of the day @ @ @ @ @ , because it ’ s been viewed over three million times in four days , @ @ @ @ @ retweets across various accounts .
There have been quite a lot of compliments too .
@ @ @ @ @ ’ t get any better than that , think again …

Videos
There’s just something about watching an expert that can be quite mesmerising, and this highways maintenance man marking out a new cycle lane is clearly an expert.
As much as we loved seeing him do that, we can’t help fearing for the poor guy’s back at the end of the day.
Twitter obviously loved it, because it’s been viewed over three million times in four days, picking up at least 17,000 retweets across various accounts.
There have been quite a lot of compliments too.
Not tonight Netflix, I’ve found something else to watch till at least midnight. pic.twitter.com/1JzqqNWrXT — Lee Madgwick (@LeeMadgwick) May 22, 2020
One of those times you're glad twitter just keeps looping the video https://t.co/LrRVl8quNq — Ros Atkins (@BBCRosAtkins) May 26, 2020
A thing of beauty is a joy forever https://t.co/dZKGlW03YP — David Lovely (@ramage) May 22, 2020
I don’t know how many times he’s done it, but he certainly makes it look so easy #Skill https://t.co/9xKiR7sYG0 — cheltenhamcycles (@cheltenhamcycle) May 24, 2020
If you thought it couldn’t get any better than that, think again …
Now with audio. Rare case of sequel being better? pic.twitter.com/kQ0HU3ytrL — Michael🌱 Ⓥ (@changed_gear) May 22, 2020
READ MORE
Council workers accidentally cover road in cocks
Source @changed_gear Image @changed_gear


thepoke--2020-05-27--The only 5 reactions you need to Trump wondering if he should take insulin

Not content with claiming to be taking hydrochloroquine to prevent contracting Covid-19 , and suggesting somehow getting bleach into people @ @ @ @ @ Trump has now publicly mused on whether he should be taking insulin .
Is he @ @ @ @ @ ?
Did Armando Iannucci write this ?
These five reactions more than covered how people @ @ @ @ @ We ’ re now at the “ White House medics have to tell the President @ @ @ @ @ stage of history .
8 favourite responses to Trump ’ s wild claim to be @ @

Twitter
Not content with claiming to be taking hydrochloroquine to prevent contracting Covid-19, and suggesting somehow getting bleach into people to cure it, Donald Trump has now publicly mused on whether he should be taking insulin.
Trump: I don’t use insulin. Should I be? Huh? I never thought about it. pic.twitter.com/rGv3tLru0d — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) May 26, 2020
Is he just trolling the world now? Did Armando Iannucci write this?
These five reactions more than covered how people are feeling about it.
1.
a question I often ask. should I be use insulin? https://t.co/G2HSgHq9xp — chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 26, 2020
2.
what the fuck is the deal with this guy's fascination with ingesting whatever drugs he can get his hands on? https://t.co/RmQFuqqbMQ — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) May 26, 2020
3.
Show us your medical records and we'll tell you. https://t.co/4PcsCKnEsJ — Peter Morley (@morethanmySLE) May 26, 2020
4.
Tomorrow, Trump will explore stickin' butter knives into wall sockets. https://t.co/iuhEX88vfA — Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) May 26, 2020
5.
This whole thread. This man is a blithering idiot. #25thAmendmentNow https://t.co/6exhv6NEIU — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 26, 2020
We’re now at the “White House medics have to tell the President not to poison himself” stage of history.
After Trump's quip that he may himself take insulin, surgeon general Jerome Adams (prompted by reporter) explains to Trump that the body naturally makes insulin unless you are diabetic. (I read the Baby-Sitters Club growing up, so I learned this years ago) — Seung Min Kim (@seungminkim) May 26, 2020
READ MORE
8 favourite responses to Trump’s wild claim to be taking hydroxychloroquine
Source Acyn Torabi Image Acyn Torabi, @mchesin on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-27--Paddy McGuinness’ ‘Is This the Way to Barnard Castle?’ is a topical and very funny earworm

Most of us have listened to Dominic Cummings ’ account of his visit to Barnard Castle with varying degrees of @ @ @ @ @ s not too difficult to guess where actor , comedian and TV presenter , Paddy @ @ @ @ @ ‘ believing or not ’ scale .
Nah !
He ’ s not buying it @ @ @ @ @ # IsThisTheWayToBarnardCastle trended on Twitter for hours , and these were our favourite reactions .
@ @ @ @ @ Steve White , did a bit of work in post .
Craig Thompson had a @ @ @ @ @ of which Paddy is a presenter – for after lockdown , obviously .
One hundred @ @ @ @ @ Freddie Flintoff and Paddy McGuinness are to host Top Gear and it ’ s driving @ @ @ @ @ wall

Twitter
Most of us have listened to Dominic Cummings’ account of his visit to Barnard Castle with varying degrees of scepticism, but it’s not too difficult to guess where actor, comedian and TV presenter, Paddy McGuinness, is on the ‘believing or not’ scale.
Nah! He’s not buying it at all.
The hashtag #IsThisTheWayToBarnardCastle trended on Twitter for hours, and these were our favourite reactions.
1.
I really feel that when you're being owned as hard as this by PADDY MCGUINNESS it is more than time to resign#isthisthewaytobarnardcastle#CummingShouldBeGoing https://t.co/tIkIqM6Aov — Kate M (@moreelf) May 26, 2020
2.
We are truly at new levels of cut-through 😬https://t.co/jU9tvLKH2g — Aubrey Allegretti (@breeallegretti) May 26, 2020
3.
Total bubble story https://t.co/2Nz0BQk6dX — Nick Hargrave (@NIHargrave) May 26, 2020
4.
Just to clarify, Cummings didn't go to his 'nearest' castle. To get there he would have had to pass Auckland Castle and Raby Castle. Durham has its own Castle, Brancepeth isn't too far away, even Lumley's closer. He went three full castles away. #isthisthewaytobarnardcastle — Maura (@MauraCMcKeon) May 26, 2020
5.
for @PaddyMcGuinness chorus! When the day is ending,
Up the A1 we are wending
Got a tank of petrol, and it’s great cos it’s never ending!
Didn’t stop for fuel na na na na na
Didn’t need the loo!
When we got to Durham, the PM didn’t have a clueeee! #isthisthewaytobarnardcastle — Dave Hughes (@Dave_Hughes) May 26, 2020
6.
Highlight of the day was stumbling across this. Forget 24hr news and Twitter analysis. 20 seconds of light relief is found here 👇 https://t.co/UyVRBTlrJW — John Harrison (@DrJWHarrison) May 26, 2020
Music and radio producer, Steve White, did a bit of work in post.
I thought I’d help @PaddyMcGuinness out with a bit of music and production on his little ditty….. #IsThisTheWayToBarnardCastle pic.twitter.com/xlfdDVeU77 — Steve White (@SteveWhiteRadio) May 26, 2020
Craig Thompson had a suggestion for Top Gear, of which Paddy is a presenter – for after lockdown, obviously.
Next Top Gear Special. Drive from London to Durham, no toilet stops. Then to Barnard Castle. Then back to London, again no stops. Only 1 tank of fuel allowed. — Craig Thompson 🔰 (@RogueBaboon57) May 26, 2020
One hundred per cent would watch.
READ MORE
Freddie Flintoff and Paddy McGuinness are to host Top Gear and it’s driving these 16 people up the wall
Source Paddy McGuinness Image ITV News Paddy McGuinness


thepoke--2020-05-26--People enjoyed Kay Burley’s perfect 4-word takedown of Katie Hopkins after she blamed the ‘scum medi

People enjoyed Kay Burley’s perfect 4-word takedown of Katie Hopkins after she blamed the ‘scum media’ for everything

Comeback of the day belongs to Sky News presenter Kay Burley after Katie Hopkins too issue with her interview with @ @ @ @ @ Cummings ( who else ? )
Ah yes , of course , it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ to blame for everything .
And Burley had the perfect 4-word response .
Kay Burley @ @ @ @ @ Michael Gove ’ s defence of Dominic Cummings is a very entertaining watch

Twitter
Comeback of the day belongs to Sky News presenter Kay Burley after Katie Hopkins took issue with her interview with Alastair Campbell today about Dominic Cummings (who else?).
The real damage being done to this once great country IS at the hands of our #ScumMedia https://t.co/dwExtgelrk — Katie Hopkins (@KTHopkins) May 26, 2020
Ah yes, of course, it’s the media what’s to blame for everything.
And Burley had the perfect 4-word response.
Boil yer head Katie https://t.co/89uUX5jUDI — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) May 26, 2020
Simultaneously blunt and precision tooled to perfection. Not everyone appreciated it, but Burley was only too happy to respond to them as well.
Mate, the hashtag is #mediascum you topsey-turvey, kooky, kinda guy https://t.co/O8sbHzmw9f — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) May 26, 2020
Inaccurate, as usual. I don’t use Botox or fillers. It’s a facelift. ☺ https://t.co/0JBdYrIzUD — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) May 26, 2020
READ MORE
Kay Burley’s forensic demolition of Michael Gove’s defence of Dominic Cummings is a very entertaining watch


thepoke--2020-05-26--People are sharing horror stories from their jobs in 5 words or less – 18 absolute chillers

It all started when @ medburnbook over on Twitter asked people to share a horror story from their job in @ @ @ @ @ It prompted loads and loads of replies , lots of them funny , others just @ @ @ @ @ whole bunch – mostly medical – that went totally over our head and are probably @ @ @ @ @ Here are 18 of the most memorable .
People have been sharing their nightmare job @ @ @ @ @ just brilliant

Twitter
It all started when @medburnbook over on Twitter asked people to share a horror story from their job in 5 words or less.
give me a horror story from your specialty in five words or less — status annoyicus (@medburnbook) May 22, 2020
It prompted loads and loads of replies, lots of them funny, others just plain chilling. Plus a whole bunch – mostly medical – that went totally over our head and are probably too awful to contemplate.
Here are 18 of the most memorable.
1.
The client wants comic sans. — Otis K. Boomer (I’m O.K., you’re okay…maybe.) (@BoomerOtis) May 23, 2020
2.
“The mic was on.” — Weijia Jiang (@weijia) May 24, 2020
3.
I memorized the wrong role. — Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) May 24, 2020
4.
I forgot to record that. https://t.co/1FFSaRvsFg — Anthony (@BigJigglyPanda) May 24, 2020
5.
‘Do you even READ comics?’ — Gail Simone (@GailSimone) May 23, 2020
6.
“Time for a quick call?” https://t.co/nqd2rytX2T — Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) May 24, 2020
7.
“Remember that patient you saw?” — SimonJudkins (@JudkinsSimon) May 22, 2020
8.
The library is open https://t.co/XgKX68piM8 — Librarian Problems (@librarianprblms) May 25, 2020
9.
“Just a few small changes.” – Editor — John Pavlovitz (@johnpavlovitz) May 24, 2020
10.
Just have fun with it https://t.co/NvEPAwHFKG — Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) May 24, 2020
11.
The cream curdled. — Devin Nunes’ cow 🐮 (@DevinCow) May 23, 2020
12.
Rail replacement bus service https://t.co/2hYYhcBkiy — Tim Dunn (@MrTimDunn) May 25, 2020
13.
I’ve written a memoir about — Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) May 23, 2020
14.
The CEO's kid played it https://t.co/0DCT5XaA91 — Charles Randall (@charlesrandall) May 23, 2020
15.
Make the logo bigger — Tassy Konto (@tassykonto) May 23, 2020
16.
“Nice job on this but…” https://t.co/sTPyFz4dty — Josh Dawsey (@jdawsey1) May 24, 2020
17.
“But the Bible clearly says…” — Alex M. Griffin NOW HAS THEIR OWN WEBSITE! (@alexegesis) May 23, 2020
18.
final_revisions48_copy_copy_copy.psd — Steph Laberis 🐁🐀🐿🐈 (@StephLaberis) May 23, 2020
READ MORE
People have been sharing their nightmare job interviews and these 13 are just brilliant
Source @medburnbook Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-05-26--Embarrassing wrong number of the week

Embarrassing wrong number of the week

Every so often we get a wrong number – not as often when we were kids , obviously when you @ @ @ @ @ – but we don ’ t often ( ever ) get one as interesting or @ @ @ @ @ Just got this from Nick , no idea who Nick is but he seems nice @ @ @ @ @ over on Twitter .
Someone texted the wrong number ( not this number ) and @ @ @ @ @ as entertaining as this

Twitter
Every so often we get a wrong number – not as often when we were kids, obviously when you had to dial every number – but we don’t often (ever) get one as interesting or embarrassing as this.
‘Just got this from Nick, no idea who Nick is but he seems nice,’ said @DanielBerke1 over on Twitter.
Nice payoff.
READ MORE
Someone texted the wrong number (not this number) and if only it was always as entertaining as this
Source @DanielBerke1


thepoke--2020-05-26--Dominic Cummings’ tale told in the style of the ‘plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys’ is a very f

Dominic Cummings’ tale told in the style of the ‘plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys’ is a very funny read

Just when you think you can ’ t possibly read a new take on Dominic Cummings ’ explanation on why @ @ @ @ @ government ’ s own lockdown guidelines , comes this .
These ‘ extracts from the @ @ @ @ @ ’ by @ MarkFrancois12 is very clever and very , very funny .
And you @ @ @ @ @ Twitter here !
Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings , give @ @ @ @

Twitter
Just when you think you can’t possibly read a new take on Dominic Cummings’ explanation on why he appeared to break the government’s own lockdown guidelines, comes this.
These ‘extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys’ by @MarkFrancois12 is very clever and very, very funny.
Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys May 26th Up, and almost blind with sending template messages to constituents, I am fitting myself to go abroad to Chingford on my horse Evoque 2.0 to test the ill condition of my eyes, 1/8 pic.twitter.com/gbOAVxsPhi — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
and swearing the boy Bridgen and mayde Hartley-Brewer to travel too that God be praised! we arrive safely it may be nice to sit on a bench in Epping Forest and drink a four pack of Monster. After, to the weightiest of sessions about this Cummings business, 2/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
and that the advisor should never be the story I find it well that the aide Johnson takes a backseat. Duke Cummings speaking with a most refined aversion to remorse did discourse at length on circumstances familiar to most but extenuating 3/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
to him, those of being a parent, and such is his genius the mob are reduced to wondering at his bladder capacity during lengthy journeys, and though a mighty point of the privileges of the subjects of England is to take the piss, I do believe 4/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
we should not satirise the catheterised; yet still the journalists come and the great Bladdiator despatches them one by one that his prostate must ne’er prostrate our democracy. Great personal frustration that unlike our superborecaster’s urinary tract I need excuse myself 5/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
to make water, whereupon I am hearing of suspicious rustlings, and an investigation discloses Prince Andrew behind the door of trap three, not a bead of sweat about him, sat astride the chodbin eating Werther's Originals and whispering all the answers to Dom, and that there is
6/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
a power behind every throne, this nemesis of Maitliss is ours. Besides, whilst Duke Cummings may be pisspraxic he at least takes no wage, feeling it proper he should only be paid by one government, and I believe integrity is his strongest weapon and belike a family 7/ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
on a non-stop unplanned journey up the A1 we have everything crossed for him, and it being summer and with today’s spectacle the closest we’re getting to a footy tournament this year, we all departed merrily singing ‘Its Cumming home, its Cumming home, its Cummings’ — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
And plentiful thanks to the original paintriot Will Overman for unearthing this gem from the County Durham tourist board! pic.twitter.com/3Y4KNKAp84 — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
Beautifully done!
And this is why I'm completely unable to fall on my back-up employment plan of writing a novel; because I'll never in a million years be able to write something as fabulous as this. — Louise Flower (@louiseflower) May 26, 2020
And you can follow @MarkFrancois12 on Twitter here!
READ MORE
Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise
Source @MarkFrancois12


thepoke--2020-05-26--12 of the funniest swipes at lockdown life we’ve seen today

We didn ’ t have to go to Durham and back to find you something funny to read – we @ @ @ @ @ there it was .
16 of the funniest takes on how we ’ re all @ @ @ @

Twitter
We didn’t have to go to Durham and back to find you something funny to read – we just stepped into Twitter and there it was.
Enjoy.
1.
You may mock me for my new habit of writing 'STAY SAFE!' at the end of emails, but I like to think I've stopped at least one person from shoving a scorpion down their pants. "Wait, Chris said 'stay safe!' This doesn't feel like a very safe thing to do. Back in your box, Stingy!" — Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) May 20, 2020
2.
I think next pandemic we should close the hospitals but keep comedy clubs open to find out which is the best medicine once and for all. — Daniel Muggleton (@danmuggleton) May 23, 2020
3.
I’m not saying my hair’s got bad in lockdown but I just looked in the mirror and thought about pitching Lovejoy: The Early Years. — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) May 23, 2020
4.
I’m more concerned about the creepy little elbow licker pic.twitter.com/ED2uIAy6Ou — Ian Ravenscroft (@Ravonski) May 23, 2020
5.
Hey boy, are you Britain’s lockdown messaging because you’re confusing me and at the same time making it seem like it’s my fault. — Nadia Kamil (@NadiaKamil) May 22, 2020
6.
The real scandal is when the BBC didn’t sack their science correspondent who stood within 2 metres of the actual virus. pic.twitter.com/fYh5IyQjdM — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 23, 2020
7.
So, apparently the reason only misspelt versions of Cummings can trend is that the porn filters block it. How USEFUL is THAT for a controversial public figure? If I ever decide to stand for public office, it will be as Alex Titwank. — Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) May 25, 2020
8.
Is it true that the theatres are going to reopen as long as every actor has a 4 year old child with them? — Adrian Edmondson (@AdrianEdmondson) May 24, 2020
9.
How has Corona – the beer – allowed this to happen to their brand? You think if they’d gone ‘We are calling this the Disney virus’, someone from head office woulda been like hang on — Katherine Ryan (@Kathbum) May 25, 2020
10.
Strange lockdown paradox: the longer it goes on, the less you actually text and zoom your friends. Mainly because: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY. — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) May 22, 2020
11.
"I'm gonna sing Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd" pic.twitter.com/binBJlNzXh — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 25, 2020
12.
My reality show is called Watch Me Walk Around My House For 18 Hours. — RickWu (@wumother) May 26, 2020
READ MORE
16 of the funniest takes on how we’re all handling the coronavirus pandemic
Image Mr Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-05-26--Kay Burley’s forensic demolition of Michael Gove’s defence of Dominic Cummings is a very entertainin

Kay Burley’s forensic demolition of Michael Gove’s defence of Dominic Cummings is a very entertaining watch

If you only watch one Michael Gove interview today – we know , we know – make it this one @ @ @ @ @ by Kay Burley of Gove ’ s defence of Dominic Cummings .
It really is @ @ @ @ @ .
And just some of the things people were saying about it .
Whoever wrote @ @ @ @ @ about Dominic Cummings , give yourself a pay rise

Videos
If you only watch one Michael Gove interview today – we know, we know – make it this one, a rather fabulous deconstruction by Kay Burley of Gove’s defence of Dominic Cummings.
It really is two minutes very well spent.
#KayBurley – What’s the government’s advice if you’re struggling with covid-19 & its affected your eyesight? Michael Gove – We advise people to seek medical advice#KayBurley – so it’s not to get in a car… with your four-year-old strapped in the back?#DominicCummngs pic.twitter.com/TgPGAE1oDv — Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) May 26, 2020
And just some of the things people were saying about it.
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1265197279075618817?s=20
Kay Burley dragging Gove over the coals this morning. “You’ve been friends with Cummings for 20 years, aren’t you devastated he didn’t feel able to come to you for help?” — Marissa Bradshaw (@marissamcteague) May 26, 2020
She often annoys me but @KayBurley’s interview of Michael Gove was a masterclass. Again and again she asked short very specific questions. Few of them answered at all. None adequately. — Tim Montgomerie (@montie) May 26, 2020
https://twitter.com/Tpopularfront/status/1265198339081089024?s=20
Let's be fair to Michael Gove. It would not have been appropriate for him to start bashing the bishop live on TV.@KayBurley @michaelgove pic.twitter.com/thlaadSMVH — Omid Djalili (@omid9) May 26, 2020
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Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise
Source @Haggis_UK


thepoke--2020-05-26--‘Cummings and Johnson’ is the new Cagney and Lacey with these fab reworked credits

Talented writer , director and editor , Darren Dutton , had us all entertained last week with this tweak of @ @ @ @ @ government really missed a trick not adding a theme tune of their own .
This @ @ @ @ @ been at it again , and we love what he ’ s done with the @ @ @ @ @ Minister and his Leave campaign colleague , Boris Johnson .
We all agree that Johnson @ @ @ @ @ This is what people have been saying about it .
We have no influence over @ @ @ @ @ has , we ’ d love to see this : The coronavirus briefings given credits @ @ @ @ @ ’ 80s American TV show are just brilliant

Videos
Talented writer, director and editor, Darren Dutton, had us all entertained last week with this tweak of a coronavirus briefing.
Apologies. I don't seem to be able to stop making end credits for the daily coronavirus briefings. pic.twitter.com/nu4tcCOcnM — Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) May 20, 2020
The government really missed a trick not adding a theme tune of their own.
This week, Darren’s been at it again, and we love what he’s done with the complicated relationship between the Prime Minister and his Leave campaign colleague, Boris Johnson.
Someone said do a Cagney & Lacey one so I did a Cagney & Lacey one pic.twitter.com/BIrNLldLeq — Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) May 25, 2020
We all agree that Johnson is Lacey, right?
This is what people have been saying about it.
Darren’s totally smashing it out of the ballpark, again!!!
Cummings and Johnson as Cagney and Lacey 😂😂😂 https://t.co/dFna6HeRs0 — Rebecca Lambert: 😈 (@Rebecca52731232) May 25, 2020
Brilliant! The theme from Roobarb and Custard would work well with this pair of reprobates. — James Peat (@bouldershorts) May 25, 2020
We have no influence over Darren, but if anybody has, we’d love to see this:
Do minder — Liam Shields (@PhilosopherLiam) May 25, 2020
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The coronavirus briefings given credits in the style of an ’80s American TV show are just brilliant
Source Darren Dutton Image Darren Dutton


thepoke--2020-05-26--Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise

The Metro newspaper ’ s come up with some particularly marvellous front page headlines about the state we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ might remember this one about Boris Johnson and his oh-so-easy to follow Covid-19 guidelines .
@ @ @ @ @ Farage .
And now it ’ s done it again after that Domininc Cummings ’ @ @ @ @ @ he tried to defend himself against allegations of breaking lockdown rules .
Dominic Cummings drove @ @ @ @ @ his eyesight – these 23 reactions are off the charts

Pics
The Metro newspaper’s come up with some particularly marvellous front page headlines about the state we’re in right now.
You might remember this one about Boris Johnson and his oh-so-easy to follow Covid-19 guidelines.
Or this one about Nigel Farage.
And now it’s done it again after that Domininc Cummings’ press conference yesterday in which he tried to defend himself against allegations of breaking lockdown rules.
Bravo!
Well done — Mike Ward (@badsciencemonk) May 25, 2020
https://twitter.com/Lucie_Fur99/status/1265024375637639170?s=20
This is brilliant bravo! pic.twitter.com/T13A3Ei3jk — Mr Scribble ³³º¹ (@5cribblesvurt) May 25, 2020
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Dominic Cummings drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight – these 23 reactions are off the charts
Source


thepoke--2020-05-26--Michael Gove’s been on BBC Breakfast to defend Cummings’ ‘eyesight test’ – only 4 replies you need

Michael Gove ’ s been doing the rounds this morning standing up for Boris Johnson ’ s right-hand man , @ @ @ @ @ those allegations that he broke lockdown rules driving to Durham .
The bit of Cummings @ @ @ @ @ most interested about was the bit about him driving to Barnard Castle to ‘ test @ @ @ @ @ Burley was doing it on Sky News and here ’ s Dan Walker on BBC @ @ @ @ @ quite the watch .
And these are surely the only 4 responses you need .
@ @ @ @ @ Castle ’ s TripAdvisor after *that* press conference

Twitter
Michael Gove’s been doing the rounds this morning standing up for Boris Johnson’s right-hand man, Dominic Cummings, after all those allegations that he broke lockdown rules driving to Durham.
The bit of Cummings’ explanation that people are most interested about was the bit about him driving to Barnard Castle to ‘test his eyesight’.
Kay Burley was doing it on Sky News and here’s Dan Walker on BBC Breakfast. It’s quite the watch.
Dan Walker – Anyone concerned about their vision should not drive in order to test their ability to do so… can you explain that away? Michael Gove – #DominicCummings confirmed his eyesight was good enough, that was the whole point of the journey. #Bollocks #BBCBreakfast pic.twitter.com/wAR8k1FbmD — Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) May 26, 2020
And these are surely the only 4 responses you need.
If you wanted a measure of just how little respect Michael Gove has for your intelligence, here is he defending Dominic Cummings for driving to a castle to test his vision – mere moments after he was told in no uncertain terms it was against the law.pic.twitter.com/bYYfVJTlRE — Graham Lithgow (@grahamlithgow) May 26, 2020
Dominic's eyesight was good enough. That's why he took a drive to find out if his eyesight was good enough. About halfway through this clip, you can the whole concept of logic fold in on itself. https://t.co/PzAfGP8pKa — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) May 26, 2020
Do they really think that the people of this country are that stupid that they’ll believe this utter codswallop? 🤦🏻♂ https://t.co/6y8raedKcr — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) May 26, 2020
It's ok – Cummings has a character reference from Gove. https://t.co/Sy8er7S3yC — Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) May 26, 2020
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17 hilarious additions to Barnard Castle’s TripAdvisor after *that* press conference


thepoke--2020-05-28--This woman went deep undercover to stay on her ex-boyfriend’s Netflix and it’s next level stuff

As many people with Netflix ( other steaming devices are available ) will tell you , it can be problematic @ @ @ @ @ family member .
Because they end up telling another family member – or friend – @ @ @ @ @ everyone ’ s watching on your Netflix account .
It ’ s even trickier when @ @ @ @ @ and you forget they know your password .
Because this might happen .
The perfect @ @ @ @ @ they were found out , obviously .
Last word to these people .
Well , @ @ @ @ @ The Trials and Tribulations of Online Passwords

Pics
As many people with Netflix (other streaming devices are available) will tell you, it can be problematic sharing your password with a family member.
Because they end up telling another family member – or friend – and before you know it everyone’s watching on your Netflix account.
It’s even trickier when you split up with someone and you forget they know your password. Because this might happen.
My brothers ex had been stealing our Netflix for the past two months now by disguising her account as “settings” and honestly I ain’t even mad. I’m just really disappointed in myself for actually believing that an account named “settings” would legitimately be Netflix settings pic.twitter.com/fSn3BSCcZh — bruh (@yellowgengar2) May 27, 2020
The perfect crime! Well, until they were found out, obviously.
Remember In school when the teachers used to say, not everyone can be academic, some have to find there own version of being smart….THIS is one of those versions! — Alex Bristow (@AlexBristow93) May 27, 2020
I named my profile “Cancel Netflix”, which was the most effective way of keeping the kids away from my profile. You’d think that Netflix would’ve sorted out profile access control sometime since 2007. — Barsteward (@barsteward) May 28, 2020
This is top-shelf ex behavior. — possibly a dragon (@kellybarnhill) May 27, 2020
once someone i know yoinked a Hulu account and named themselves “+ Add account” so that the icon would just be the + — Vree (@BeeProta) May 27, 2020
My Disney plus account was hacked almost immediately after I opened it. The guy kept creating profiles even after I changed the password several times. On time he created a profile named don’t delete pls — Derek Harris (@dharris_44) May 28, 2020
Last word to these people.
Well, nearly the last word.
Give him a free account imo — Masked Mike (@312mike_) May 27, 2020
Not heard back yet.
READ MORE
The Trials and Tribulations of Online Passwords
Source @yellowgengar2