thepoke--2020-04-30--This chap commentating on his two dogs dicking around on a walk is the content we needed today

We ’ re very grateful to sports commentator Andrew Cotter who ’ s been on Twitter again , commentating on @ @ @ @ @ s taking them for a walk .
With no live sport going on right now @ @ @ @ @ a bit more time on his hands than usual ( like most of us ) @ @ @ @ @ been doing things like this and it ’ s just what we needed to put @ @ @ @ @ today .
Not the first one of these Andrew has done , as you probably @ @ @ @ @ have seen this one .
Or this one .
Just wonderful .
And here are @ @ @ @ @ were saying about his latest .
And you can follow Andrew here !
This commentator @ @ @ @ @ sport so he ’ s commentating on everyday life and it ’ s brilliant

Videos
We’re very grateful to sports commentator Andrew Cotter who’s been on Twitter again, commentating on his dogs while he’s taking them for a walk.
With no live sport going on right now, Andrew’s got a bit more time on his hands than usual (like most of us).
So he’s been doing things like this and it’s just what we needed to put a smile on our face today.
Just while I wait for them to have an actual rematch. pic.twitter.com/yVsaXD9bNS — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 29, 2020
Not the first one of these Andrew has done, as you probably already know. You might have seen this one.
Some sports are slower. More about the strategy. pic.twitter.com/JMBaGJ1tSd — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 9, 2020
Or this one.
Just wonderful. And here are some of the things people were saying about his latest.
I have watched this seven times already. Still crying. @MrAndrewCotter is getting me through lockdown almost single-handedly. https://t.co/C8SxpnygQb — Sue Perkins (@sueperkins) April 30, 2020
There are certain things I’d like to carry on after lock down finishes but this, THIS, is number 1 — Mandy Tanner (@mandytanner93) April 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/emmagafielding/status/1255612389120258049?s=20
“I’ll just stare at the trees and think about getting a cat” 😂 — Nicole Bechaz (@NBechaz) April 29, 2020
This is pure joy. https://t.co/kOlDeHjndz — John Sweeney (@johnsweeneyroar) April 30, 2020
In lieu of any and all sports programming right now can we just get non stop coverage of Olive and Mabel with play by play?? Simply the best thing on the internet! — Andrew Neumann (@DrewNeumann76) April 29, 2020
Please do more of these Mr Andrew Cotter. Please! Any video footage you like. You’re cheering us all up immensely. https://t.co/EsfQBL5SAN — Armando Iannucci (@Aiannucci) April 30, 2020
And you can follow Andrew here!
READ MORE
This commentator’s got no live sport so he’s commentating on everyday life and it’s brilliant
Source Twitter @MrAndrewCotter


thepoke--2020-04-30--14 random but brilliant memes generated by Artificial Intelligence

Some clever person has made an AI meme generator and its random creations are the perfect mix of bizarre and @ @ @ @ @ couple we prepared earlier .
Tweeters have been sharing their favourites , so here the @ @ @ @

Pics
Some clever person has made an AI meme generator and its random creations are the perfect mix of bizarre and funny.
Here are a couple we prepared earlier.
Tweeters have been sharing their favourites, so here the best we spotted.
1.
This came out of that AI meme generator. Turn off the lights, the robots have won. pic.twitter.com/4Qg1e6v8WP — Kendric Tonn (@kendrictonn) April 29, 2020
2.
AI meme generator capturing the essence of “why don’t you just debate the neo-nazis” pic.twitter.com/Ls7cNf4irJ — Katie (@ZiziFothSi) April 29, 2020
3.
there's an AI meme generator now and it's everything you could have wanted. https://t.co/MqXConOPWo pic.twitter.com/yKEHfgBPUE — K. Thor Jensen (@kthorjensen) April 28, 2020
4.
I am also very charmed by the AI Meme generator https://t.co/o0PV7x7Gq4 pic.twitter.com/R6kvWB33pX — Noelle Stevenson ✨ SHE-RA S5 MAY 15 (@Gingerhazing) April 29, 2020
5.
that random AI meme generator is giving me GOLD pic.twitter.com/9Lur5na4cA — Danika Harrod (@danikaharrod) April 30, 2020
6.
the AI meme generator brought me so much joy today. here are some winners that really spoke to me pic.twitter.com/VBbEnPnhli — Han (@HannahTempler) April 29, 2020
7.
i can’t stop with the AI meme generator pic.twitter.com/llVmeeWSPk — platy (@platyloid) April 30, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-04-30--These 15 facts sound fake AF – but they’re not

Over on the AskReddit subreddit , this question crops up a lot , but every time it does it brings @ @ @ @ @ to light , and we ’ re all for those .
“ What fact sounds @ @ @ @ @ actually real ?
” We see stuff like this every day in the news .
@ @ @ @ @ facts – The Home Secretary is terrible at reading numbers .
The Prime Minister refuses @ @ @ @ @ he has .
Mrs Brown ’ s Boys has won several awards and keeps being @ @ @ @ @ into insignificance beside some of these .
Would President Coolidge have eaten the raccoon if @ @ @ @ @ ?
People are sharing random facts and these 19 are amazing

Popular
Over on the AskReddit subreddit, this question crops up a lot, but every time it does it brings new and very weird facts to light, and we’re all for those.
“What fact sounds fake at first but is actually real?”
We see stuff like this every day in the news. Here are a few WTF facts –
The Home Secretary is terrible at reading numbers. The Prime Minister refuses to confirm how many children he has. Mrs Brown’s Boys has won several awards and keeps being recommissioned.
Even those pale into insignificance beside some of these.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
Finally, this fact raises a very important question.
Would President Coolidge have eaten the raccoon if it weren’t cute?
READ MORE
People are sharing random facts and these 19 are amazing
Source AskReddit Image @joshmillerdp and @prolabprints on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-01--Simply 23 funny things people said about Nigel Farage banging his pan for carers

As you ’ ll no doubt have seen by now , Nigel Farage has been on Twitter to share video @ @ @ @ @ carers ’ on Thursday night .
Well , we say clapping for carers .
Strictly @ @ @ @ @ .
Of sorts .
It prompted no end of funny comments from people , of @ @ @ @ @ very favourite .

Pics
As you’ll no doubt have seen by now, Nigel Farage has been on Twitter to share video of him ‘clapping for carers’ on Thursday night.
Well, we say clapping for carers. Strictly speaking, banging a saucepan. Of sorts.
Supporting Clap For Our Carers. pic.twitter.com/5X5MA9PXKC — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) April 30, 2020
It prompted no end of funny comments from people, of which these are our 23 very favourite.
1.
This new Alan Partridge reboot is shit https://t.co/VzMR19EXlB — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) April 30, 2020
2.
I love Dirty Rotten Scoundrels pic.twitter.com/BUTT6iPGWs — joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 1, 2020
3.
You’ve spent your whole career bashing and stoking xenophobia against the people who you’re bashing your shit pan for now. Get back inside, heat up your tin of beans for one and never pretend to support the NHS again. And stop using metal forks in your pan you freak. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 30, 2020
4.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1256145905184649216?s=20
5.
this is like when the murderer does the police appeal for witnesses to come forward — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) April 30, 2020
6.
Get a non-stick pan you scruffy get https://t.co/lJ0QSFliZI — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) April 30, 2020
7.
That’s Morse Code for “I. A.M. A. C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E. B.A.S.T.A.R.D.” …. — HuntedTeamNick #BrexitIsACoup #ReJoin (@HuntedTeamNick) April 30, 2020
8.
The puppet outside Timpsons has come to life. https://t.co/IbV6JpyyER — James Allen (@JamesAllen27) April 30, 2020
9.
He’s just following the instructions written on the road. pic.twitter.com/ppCnFAzw8w — Adil Ray OBE (@adilray) May 1, 2020
10.
We’re only making pans for Nigel — Avril H-Berrow (@AvrilHarrison3) May 1, 2020
11.
https://twitter.com/Nclarke30/status/1255960890614132737?s=20
12.
Rupert the Bear. The Twilight Years. https://t.co/WtcnF7k8BF — Katy (@KatyJane_101) May 1, 2020
13.


thepoke--2020-05-01--More than 100 people complained the BBC was biased in favour of vaccinations – only 4 replies you ne

More than 100 people complained the BBC was biased in favour of vaccinations – only 4 replies you need

The anti-vaxxer brigade ’ s been on the BBC for being biased in favour of mass vaccinations .
Specifically , @ @ @ @ @ took issue with BBC Breakfast ’ s interview with Bill Gates , reports @ Jake_Kanter @ @ @ @ @ are the only 4 replies you need .
This anti-vaxxer takedown is just what the @ @

Pics
The anti-vaxxer brigade’s been onto the BBC for being biased in favour of mass vaccinations.
Specifically, more than 100 of them took issue with BBC Breakfast’s interview with Bill Gates, reports @Jake_Kanter on Twitter.
Incredible scenes. The BBC received 103 complaints last month for showing "bias in favour of mass vaccinations" during a Breakfast interview with Bill Gates. — Jake Kanter (@Jake_Kanter) May 1, 2020
And these are the only 4 replies you need.
Bias in favour of people not dying of preventable diseases, whatever next. — 🧙♀Sarah Amis 🍄 (@sianamis) May 1, 2020
Why are they not balancing this out with someone who is in favour of millions of preventable deaths https://t.co/v0K8oOKvAh — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 1, 2020
"Dear BBC. I wish to complain again about the quality of your viewers…" pic.twitter.com/HcxrYAuaWl — Dreadnought Holiday (@Canocola) May 1, 2020
I saw a terrible but true meme recently. It said something like: To those of you against vaccines, welcome to a world without one. — SilverDomHatesNazis (@SilverDomUK) May 1, 2020
READ MORE
This anti-vaxxer takedown is just what the doctor ordered
Source @Jake_Kanter


thepoke--2020-05-01--This Trainspotting lockdown parody is so good it got Irvine Welsh’s seal of approval

This is a great Trainspotting parody of life under lockdown and we know it ’ s good because it got @ @ @ @ @ of approval .
Simply 18 times Irvine Welsh was brilliant ( and brilliantly NSFW ) @ @

Videos
This is a great Trainspotting parody of life under lockdown and we know it’s good because it got Irvine Welsh’s seal of approval.
Tend to get a bit bored with Trainspotting parodies but this one is for the @NHS so all good. pic.twitter.com/jM3TytZK9A — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) April 30, 2020
Relatable.
I love the way "you absolute spoon" sounds menacing, instructional, insulting, polite and downright funny all at the same time. — Paul Garrard 🌈🎨💚🐟 (@PGarrard) April 30, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 18 times Irvine Welsh was brilliant (and brilliantly NSFW) on Twitter
Source @IrvineWelsh


thepoke--2020-05-01--You won’t see a more touching ‘clapping for carers’ tribute than this

Lots of people are joining in to clap for carers every Thursday night although it ’ s not just clapping @ @ @ @ @ Banging on pots and pans has become a bit of a thing , as ( @ @ @ @ @ Nigel Farage , while other people are getting out musical instruments and all sorts of @ @ @ @ @ … well , and then there ’ s this guy .
An absolutely beautiful moment @ @ @ @ @ even bin day .
Nigel Farage ’ s show of support for the NHS rang @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Lots of people are joining in to clap for carers every Thursday night although it’s not just clapping anymore, it appears.
Banging on pots and pans has become a bit of a thing, as (sort of) demonstrated by Nigel Farage, while other people are getting out musical instruments and all sorts of other stuff.
And then … well, and then there’s this guy.
a deeply disturbed national psyche pic.twitter.com/F4KS77Ta7Y — W////ΛM 🌹 (@willuminare) April 30, 2020
An absolutely beautiful moment. It’s not even bin day.
Sorry but that is one of the funniest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my life — Locked Down Bloonface (@bloonface) April 30, 2020
READ MORE
Nigel Farage’s show of support for the NHS rang hollow – 7 scathing clapbacks
Source Twitter @willuminare


thepoke--2020-05-01--All these balls really are the same colour and it’s this week’s favourite optical illusion

Nothing like a mind-bending optical illusion to take your mind off the real world for a moment or two and @ @ @ @ @ .
It was introduced a while back by @ chazfirestone on Twitter who said : @ @ @ @ @ the same colour — and that colour is *brown* !
’ ‘ Mind blown ’ @ @ @ @ @ not least by us , but … seriously .
The same colour ?
Fortunately it @ @ @ @ @ .
Far from it .
If you still can ’ t see it , then @ @ @ @ @ approaching it will help .
We tried it on my 9 y/o daughter and she @ @ @ @ @ .
Definitely an age thing ?
There are 16 circles in this image and it @ @ @ @ @ your brain ( it ’ s called the ‘ Coffer Illusion ’ )

Pics
Nothing like a mind-bending optical illusion to take your mind off the real world for a moment or two and this one is a cracker.
It was introduced a while back by @chazfirestone on Twitter who said: ‘All the balls are the same colour — and that colour is *brown*!’
‘Mind blown’ is an overused phrase, not least by us, but … seriously. The same colour?
Fortunately it wasn’t just us. Far from it.
This is really upsetting thanks — Sanjana Curtis 🕊 (@sanjanacurtis) June 14, 2019
Maybe the strongest color illusion I have ever seen, courtney of @NovickProf — Chaz Firestone (@chazfirestone) June 14, 2019
If you still can’t see it, then maybe these different ways of approaching it will help.
To make sure I trusted what I saw, I used MS Paint: Choose nearly same spot on 7 balls with color picker tool and painted lines side by side to match. pic.twitter.com/mMmnevAiXK — #therightwaye (@therightwaye) June 14, 2019
That’s amazing. Here is the picture with the color bars made gray where they cross “on top of” the balls, just to show the underlying ball color. pic.twitter.com/clxEDBHMGs — Joffan (@Joffan7) June 14, 2019
Here it is with the primary colors removed, thanks to @HamzaKubba! pic.twitter.com/fhNGW2IeeS — Jacob Eliosoff (@JaEsf) June 15, 2019
Just … wow.
My 7-yo son instantly said the spheres are all beige. Shocked, I asked him again and he confidently said they’re all light brown, but they have different colour stripes over them. Does the illusion not work on kids?! Or is he some kind of proto X-man? — Mathew Owens (@mathewjowens) June 15, 2019
We tried it on my 9 y/o daughter and she saw it straight away too. Definitely an age thing?
READ MORE
There are 16 circles in this image and it’ll properly mess with your brain (it’s called the ‘Coffer Illusion’)
Source Twitter @chazfirestone


thepoke--2020-05-01--This TV weatherman forecasting from home is interrupted by his dog and it’s TV gold

During lockdown a lot of TV news types – just like the rest of us – are having to work @ @ @ @ @ from all the technical difficulties there can also be other challenges .
Especially if you @ @ @ @ @ ‘ unique ’ property for sale went viral because its interior is so … extraordinary

Videos
During lockdown a lot of TV news types – just like the rest of us – are having to work from home. But aside from all the technical difficulties there can also be other challenges.
Especially if you own a dog.
This is the best weather forecast in the history of television news pic.twitter.com/LhmoJDCkbZ — Andrew Feinberg (@AndrewFeinberg) April 30, 2020
Love it!
If we don’t come out of this with pet-featured forecasts, what are we even doing — Kassie Epstein (@kassieepstein) April 30, 2020
This is weirdly my favorite part of the video. You don’t truly love your pets if you don’t have prominently displayed, framed pictures of them in your house pic.twitter.com/WptDYfPRIQ — Robert Maguire (@RobertMaguire_) April 30, 2020
Partly cloudy with a 💯 chance of ADORABLE — Aron (@AronMarks2) April 30, 2020
READ MORE
This ‘unique’ property for sale went viral because its interior is so … extraordinary
Source Twitter @AndrewFeinberg


thepoke--2020-05-01--This ‘unique’ property for sale went viral because its interior is so … extraordinary

Not often we feature properties for sale on these pages , but then again it ’ s not often you @ @ @ @ @ like this one .
This place in Lytham St. Annes in Lancashire went viral after @ @ @ @ @ by @ lickedspoon .
And you can click here to see all the pictures but @ @ @ @ @ give you a bit of a flavour .
And here are our favourite things people @ @ @ @ @ This house for sale in Cork , Ireland has gone viral because the neighbour ’ @ @ @ @ @

Pics
Not often we feature properties for sale on these pages, but then again it’s not often you get properties for sale quite like this one.
This place in Lytham St. Annes in Lancashire went viral after it was shared on Twitter by @lickedspoon.
https://twitter.com/lickedspoon/status/1255614947888939008?s=20
And you can click here to see all the pictures but these should be enough to give you a bit of a flavour.
And here are our favourite things people were saying about it.
It's going to drive me BONKERS trying to work out whose house this was. — Jack Monroe (@BootstrapCook) April 30, 2020
When all this *gestures wildly at our lockdown lives* is over, I think we need to arrange a coach trip to do a mass viewing. — Debora Robertson (@lickedspoon) April 30, 2020
DAMN YOU DEBORAH I SHALL NOT SLEEP NOW. Obsessed. The armchairs by and facing the Aga. Whether that's a bed in the garage or a car in the bedroom. THE BATHROOM. — Hugh Smithson-Wright (@HRWright) April 29, 2020
If you don’t want it I’ll have it.
It’s amazing. It has the potential of a Tom Ford film. — John Whaite (@John_Whaite) April 29, 2020
Ooh I grew up near there. It is a very, very windswept and quite bleak spot in an otherwise lovely town. The sand whirls around and blows across then road. It absolutely is the perfect location for a murder drama. The row of dressing table chairs is utterly baffling… — Liat Hughes (@liathughesjoshi) April 29, 2020
I think it was lived in by a family of clowns and that is where they all sat to do their makeup. — Debora Robertson (@lickedspoon) April 29, 2020
Listed among the key features: HIGHLY DECEPTIVE. I am definitely concerned now. — (@cupidissimo) April 29, 2020
My favourite comment so far: Would have been handy for the airport if it hadn't closed down. — Debora Robertson (@lickedspoon) April 30, 2020
I'd like to see what a UV light and the 'splatter' experts turn up there. Meaning in no way would I ever like to see that. — lucyinglis (@lucyinglis) April 30, 2020
“See similar properties” — Dr Jonathan Foyle (@JonathanFoyle) April 29, 2020
IF YOU DARE. — Debora Robertson (@lickedspoon) April 29, 2020
READ MORE
This house for sale in Cork, Ireland has gone viral because the neighbour’s garden is something else
Source @lickedspoon


thepoke--2020-05-01--This escalated quickly, very quickly indeed

‘ Welcome to twitter dot com , ’ says @ PickardJE over on , well , Twitter , obviously .
@ @ @ @ @ letter escalated very quickly indeed

Twitter
‘Welcome to twitter dot com,’ says @PickardJE over on, well, Twitter, obviously.
Phew.
I did a genuine lol at this. Fucking – and I do not say this lightly – hell. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) April 28, 2020
tbf it might have sense if at some point I had ever expressed any view whatsoever on Trident either publicly or privately….but…. — Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) April 28, 2020
oh my god that response is absolutely Peak Twitter — Kate Socialising Distantly Bevan (@katebevan) April 28, 2020
I was not aware of this. The caterpillar lobby indoctrinated so many of us at a young age … pic.twitter.com/FvjtfuP3aI — Andy Routledge (@drewalmighty) April 28, 2020
READ MORE
This ‘Dear Deirdre’ letter escalated very quickly indeed
Source Twitter @PickardJE


thepoke--2020-05-01--This wrong number text message took on a whole new life of its own

We used to get a lot more wrong numbers back in the day when people only had landlines .
And @ @ @ @ @ you get sent a text message by mistake , it ’ s usually the end @ @ @ @ @ the start .
On this occasion , however , it took on a whole new @ @ @ @ @ ‘ It ’ s always a fun time when a wrong number texts you , @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter .
And there was a PS .
‘ Sir , do you know @ @ @ @ @ ’

Pics
We used to get a lot more wrong numbers back in the day when people only had landlines.
And on the rare occasions when you get sent a text message by mistake, it’s usually the end of the conversation, not the start.
On this occasion, however, it took on a whole new life of its own.
‘It’s always a fun time when a wrong number texts you,’ said @chloeeexo14 over on Twitter.
And there was a PS.
READ MORE
‘Sir, do you know how wrong numbers work?’
Source Twitter @chloeeexo14


thepoke--2020-05-01--Our 25 favourite tweets from the past week

As all the days blend into one super-day we might decide to call Montuwednethfrisasunday , we can still look forward @ @ @ @ @ ’ s when we gather our favourite funny non-coronavirus themed tweets and share them with @ @ @ @ @ s are as strong as ever .
They go very well with a Hobnob .

Twitter
As all the days blend into one super-day we might decide to call Montuwednethfrisasunday, we can still look forward to Friday, because that’s when we gather our favourite funny non-coronavirus themed tweets and share them with you.
This week’s are as strong as ever. They go very well with a Hobnob.
1.
My 8-year-old once had a run-on sentence that lasted 3 days. — Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 25, 2020
2.
[invention of the soul patch] friend: u missed a spot guy: i don't care — james (@donttouchjames) April 25, 2020
3.
Jack and Jill is a great little rhyme if you’re hoping to teach your kids the perils of doing chores and taking initiative — Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 28, 2020
4.
best lyric of all time is when elton John was like “if I was a sculptor, but then again no” like pls I’m on the edge of my seat .. what were you going to do as a sculptor Elton!?!!! — Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 28, 2020
5.
Kids these days never had to make up a fake profile to stalk their crush in chat rooms after school at their friend's house while she watched General Hospital because it was the only time you had access to AOL, and it shows… — La Femme Fatali 🐞 (@toomanycommas3) April 30, 2020
6.
New Lynx body spray range: * SHOWER CHAP
* URBAN DAISY
* MEADOW LAD
* PINE FIST
* CLEAN DADDY®
* WARBATH
* “MR BUTANE"
* BROVID-19 — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) April 20, 2020
7.
Didn’t really think this through when I said yes did I? #AfterLife2 pic.twitter.com/iGYEfN4Amt — Tom “Isolation King” Bennett (@newmanstings) April 26, 2020
8.
I’m locked out of my dogs Facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won’t let me back in unless I send over a copy of his drivers license — soccerbabe2003 (@realemilyattack) April 26, 2020
9.
I hope I haven't upset Jeffrey Archer, I don't want to end up in his bad books. — Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) April 27, 2020
10.
a scientist being born pic.twitter.com/yp32zQphvt — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) April 30, 2020
11.
The cat definitely wrote the headline and subheadhttps://t.co/0rzSWA6g4y pic.twitter.com/atBMh92n1E — Daniel MacEachern (@DanMacEachern) April 29, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-01--15 fave lockdown laughs to feed our funny bones

There are all sorts of rumours surrounding the Covid-19 crisis – Donald Trump is just making stuff up , Boris @ @ @ @ @ long sentences and Grant Shapps is wondering which name to use for the press briefings @ @ @ @ @ is that Twitter folk will keep being funny about it all .
For any psychics @ @ @ @ @ a question .
14 of the funniest things we ’ ve seen on the subject @ @ @ @

Twitter
There are all sorts of rumours surrounding the Covid-19 crisis – Donald Trump is just making stuff up, Boris Johnson is saying nothing in long sentences and Grant Shapps is wondering which name to use for the press briefings.
The only certain thing is that Twitter folk will keep being funny about it all.
1.
I would like to think money won’t change me, but I got my stimulus check and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil. — Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 29, 2020
2.
I’ve spent a lot of lockdown trying to understand sudoku, I think I’ve finally figured it out, it’s for people who don’t enjoy their lives, isn’t it? — Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) April 30, 2020
3.
Remember when we thought 2016 was the worst year ever?
Good times — joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 27, 2020
4.
Who needs a mask? Do this and no one will come near you! pic.twitter.com/CblZV7P0qL — Sue CoronaVette 🇨🇦 (@suecorvette) April 30, 2020
5.
Wow. Judging by the Mirror's news email, being a dad again has really aged #BorisJohnson. pic.twitter.com/ipE6BPnHyS — Steve N Allen (@mrstevenallen) April 30, 2020
6.
Chris Whitty is going to fucking dominate on Strictly — adam hess (@adamhess1) April 30, 2020
7.
“God! I know we’ve got to be more careful with the essentials and considerate of everyone in the house! You don’t have to keep telling me!” moans my teenage son as he makes himself yet another snack of 6 slices of toast and a pint of milk. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 30, 2020
8.
Social distancing gives you a legit reason to cross over the road when you’re out walking and see people you know — Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳🌈 (@craiguito) April 30, 2020
9.
What if it turns out it's spread by clapping? — Richard Blandford (@rblandford) April 30, 2020
10.
11.
Meanwhile, since the Louvre's been closed… pic.twitter.com/N48HHNdDg2 — Sister Celluloid (@sistercelluloid) April 22, 2020
12.
Just opened Google Calendar and a bat flew out. — David Quantick (@quantick) April 28, 2020
13.
April 1st. April 30th. Doing great! pic.twitter.com/z6Tnp8hQ1c — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) April 30, 2020
14.
Going to use this time to finally read some classics. pic.twitter.com/wx28CqbP2H — Jason Hazeley (@JasonHazeley) April 30, 2020
15.
Matt Hancock will get to his 100k testing target by including some random general knowledge quizzes on Zoom in the total — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) April 30, 2020
For any psychics and astrologers out there, a question.
Did any psychics or horoscopes predict Covid 19 in their 2020 predictions? I mean properly predict it with all the ramifications and lockdowns and deaths. And assuming not can we perhaps ignore psychics and horoscopes forever? — Otto English (@Otto_English) April 30, 2020
READ MORE
14 of the funniest things we’ve seen on the subject of this lockdown life
Image Sister Celluloid, @cbarbalis on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-01--This boy completely failed turkey anatomy and it’s 3 minutes well spent

This very funny clip of a boy named Nathan having his first lesson in preparing a turkey for the oven @ @ @ @ @ shared on Reddit , in spite of being from late last year .
They do @ @ @ @ @ well hung .
When u/Gordopolis shared it to r/Funny , one Redditor said How to @ @ @ @ @ Heaven knows what Nathan will think if he sees walnuts .
Turkey , Flaming Hot @ @ @ @ @ Cheddar form the recipe nobody asked for

Videos
This very funny clip of a boy named Nathan having his first lesson in preparing a turkey for the oven has popped up after being shared on Reddit, in spite of being from late last year.
“That’s its neck.” “It’s not its neck. These are its legs and this is its …area.”
They do say that turkeys are better well hung.
When u/Gordopolis shared it to r/Funny, one Redditor said
How to turn your kid vegan 101…
Heaven knows what Nathan will think if he sees walnuts.
READ MORE
Turkey, Flaming Hot Cheetos and a block of Cheddar form the recipe nobody asked for
Source Nathan’s Adventures Image Nathan’s Adventures


thepoke--2020-05-02--Greeting Cards For Life During Lockdown

Greeting Cards For Life During Lockdown

Life is tough at the moment .
We ’ re all having to try to adapt to a whole new @ @ @ @ @ ’ t able to spend time with friends and family as we usually would .
@ @ @ @ @ to be able to still show them that you care during this hard time , @ @ @ @ @ up with some life during lockdown greeting cards to share with your loved ones .

Exclusive
Life is tough at the moment. We’re all having to try to adapt to a whole new way of living and aren’t able to spend time with friends and family as we usually would. But it’s good to be able to still show them that you care during this hard time, so we’ve come up with some life during lockdown greeting cards to share with your loved ones.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
READ MORE
Lockdown Reward Stickers for Adults


thepoke--2020-05-02--Just 17 nice things we’ve seen this week

The world is still a scary place right now but we ’ re trying to keep your spirits up , @ @ @ @ @ things we ’ ve seen this week to try and make you smile .
Just @ @ @ @ @ and cheer you up

Pics
The world is still a scary place right now but we’re trying to keep your spirits up, so here are 17 nice things we’ve seen this week to try and make you smile.
Stay safe. Stay at home.
1.
Oscar and the postman. Every morning this…🤣 pic.twitter.com/czKbpqsgKh — Oliver (@SOliver2020) April 27, 2020
2.
She’s found a new spot in my car lol 😂 pic.twitter.com/7wLf0qugdI — My sister-in-law baby cousin Tracy ! (@PrettiRickkay) April 27, 2020
3.
my cat figured out how the fridge works and now he’s turnt on fresh, crisp water pic.twitter.com/t9LfWwhbwh — jenna (@jennastoya) February 8, 2017
4.
Just while I wait for them to have an actual rematch. pic.twitter.com/yVsaXD9bNS — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 29, 2020
5.
There’s an extra bit on next doors fence and it makes cats walk along it funny pic.twitter.com/Yw7nlme7mZ — Tom Dent (@TomDent_) April 27, 2020
6.
Studio Ghibli designed this dvd case so it looks like the characters are checking their reflection in the water and it’s just so perfect pic.twitter.com/AvNUCbrLjN — anime tweets (@TokyoSage) April 28, 2020
7.
My brother made me the birthday cake from Sleeping Beauty 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/ar2W9MICyG — Brittany (@BrittanySofty) April 28, 2020
8.
I couldn’t bring myself to throw out some of my Grandmother’s things so I got Katherine Jones to make these beautiful boxes. Individually they may seem like tat you’d find in the back of drawers but displayed together they make me so happy 💖💖https://t.co/BHwxt3txZn pic.twitter.com/Tin4xMKbGd — Sian Harries (@sianharries_) April 28, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-05-04--The Met Gala has been postponed, but people are recreating the styles from home – 14 absolute stunne

The Met Gala has been postponed, but people are recreating the styles from home – 14 absolute stunners

The first Monday of May is usually the night of the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art ’ s big @ @ @ @ @ Gala .
With social distancing still underway , it has been postponed , which meant @ @ @ @ @ to see the flamboyant and sometimes outlandish costumes worn by the stars .
Clearly its @ @ @ @ @ in the “ photos of delightfully absurd costumes ” content , which is why we @ @ @ @ @ people have volunteered to plug that gap .
Using the hashtag # MetGalaChallenge , Vogue @ @ @ @ @ , Billy Porter , challenged Twitter and Instagram users to share their attempts to match @ @ @ @ @ .

Pics
The first Monday of May is usually the night of the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art’s big celebrity bash, The Met Gala.
With social distancing still underway, it has been postponed, which meant we wouldn’t get to see the flamboyant and sometimes outlandish costumes worn by the stars.
Some past highlights include these:
Clearly its absence leaves an enormous hole in the “photos of delightfully absurd costumes” content, which is why we’re thrilled to see people have volunteered to plug that gap.
Using the hashtag #MetGalaChallenge, Vogue Magazine and musical theatre star, Billy Porter, challenged Twitter and Instagram users to share their attempts to match iconic looks from past galas.
They played a blinder.
1.
Jared Leto
Recreating one of my favorite Met Gala looks ever with the help of a tarp, some Christmas lights and packing tape. I think Alessandro Michele would approve. Your turn, post your look with #MetGalaChallenge by 5/3 and @voguemagazine will choose select looks to feature on social. pic.twitter.com/8PNCTpLFLd — Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 1, 2020
2.
Rihanna
3.
Gigi Hadid
Finished my #metgalachallenge with a paper dress based on Gigi Hadid’s Versace look. I’m really pleased with how it turned out considering it’s made ENTIRELY of last Christmas’ leftover wrapping paper, glue, paint, and a pillowcase for the sleeve. 😄 pic.twitter.com/QgpWXVe0Jx — AvantGeek (@AvantGeekArt) May 3, 2020
4.
Florence Welch
This was fun. Tulle, pink sash, fitted bed sheet, sequin jacket. #MetGalaChallenge pic.twitter.com/9sR9DZrDQi — Hailey Jensen 🎨✨ (@HaileyJensenArt) April 30, 2020
5.
Blake Lively
6.
Lady Gaga
7.
Lana Del Rey


thepoke--2020-05-04--Trump tweeted that America will become greater after “the plague” – 12 biblical takedowns

In the latest episode of “ Is He Really the President of the USA ?
” , Donald Trump tweeted @ @ @ @ @ demented hybrid of fan fiction and the Old Testament .
from Between Two Ferns GIFs @ @ @ @ @ reactions have been a mixture of bemused , scathing and downright hilarious .
These were @ @ @ @ @ Aaron Rupar , put all levity aside to make this very important point .
Donald @ @ @ @ @ were ‘ sarcastic ’ – 4 perfect putdowns

Twitter
In the latest episode of “Is He Really the President of the USA?”, Donald Trump tweeted something that read like a demented hybrid of fan fiction and the Old Testament.
….And then came a Plague, a great and powerful Plague, and the World was never to be the same again! But America rose from this death and destruction, always remembering its many lost souls, and the lost souls all over the World, and became greater than ever before! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2020
That’s not even remotely disturbing.
from Between Two Ferns GIFs via Gfycat
Unsurprisingly, the reactions have been a mixture of bemused, scathing and downright hilarious.
These were our favourites.
1.
Think you've hit the disinfectant too hard today. — Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) May 3, 2020
2.
Hopefully, you'll only be a one-term Plague. https://t.co/CzSqjskcjZ — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) May 3, 2020
3.
King Leer, Act Five, Scene Jesus Christ We're All Daydrinking Now https://t.co/7eQtbFDL0D — Quinn Cummings (@quinncy) May 3, 2020
4.
It's like if Earnest Hemingway sniffed glue, and then fell on his head…twice, and then had an elective lobotomy. https://t.co/NmmunnQ9w5 — Daylin Leach (@daylinleach) May 3, 2020
5.
Thank you for your poetry submission to @NewYorker. We get 1,000s of submissions each day from the president and can only read a small fraction. After careful consideration, we felt that, while full of creative punctuation, this did not suit our editorial needs at this time. https://t.co/nPhSD14FSH — Joel Stein (@thejoelstein) May 3, 2020
6.
7.
That's very interesting sir but this is the British Gas helpline. Are you having issues with your combi boiler? https://t.co/mQQVvy9vOY — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) May 3, 2020
8.
From the Book of Donald, in the Newest Testament https://t.co/ZNatb1mNhb — Krishnan Guru-Murthy (@krishgm) May 3, 2020
9.
10.
This is like some melodramatic apocalypse scifi an eighth grader would come up with for Creative Writing class after binge reading Ayn Rand. https://t.co/HChVyPpwow — Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) May 3, 2020
11.
Okay, really starting to worry even more now about that "control of nuclear weapons" thing. https://t.co/j3JwXeL7lY — Tom Nichols (@RadioFreeTom) May 3, 2020
12.
Journalist, Aaron Rupar, put all levity aside to make this very important point.
Reminder: New coronavirus cases in the country continue to go up, and deaths have plateaued. We're not even over the hump yet and the president is tweeting out feel-good historical fiction. https://t.co/xvkBDPJqE9 — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump said his disinfectant remarks were ‘sarcastic’ – 4 perfect putdowns
Source Donald Trump Image Fox News


thepoke--2020-05-04--Tiny Tim’s baby-voiced prank call was comedy relief to this transport firm

Tim Bradbury has the uncanny knack of making his voice sound like that of a small boy , and he @ @ @ @ @ prank calls , which he shares on his YouTube channel – Tiny Tim ’ s @ @ @ @ @ included him trying to buy an iPad on Black Friday , calling a dating agency @ @ @ @ @ to find his Uncle Barry .
Recently , however , he ’ s been putting @ @ @ @ @ of his calls , and we really enjoyed this one , as did the transport @ @ @ @ @ ’ s nearly six minutes but worth every second .
Has to be one of @ @ @ @ @ ’ t stop crying with laughter and I ’ m 3 nearly 64 years old @ @ @ @ @ son !
!
!
Check out the rest of his videos on YouTube .
This @ @ @ @ @ good , the chef ’ s failure to get it even better

Videos
Tim Bradbury has the uncanny knack of making his voice sound like that of a small boy, and he uses that skill to make prank calls, which he shares on his YouTube channel – Tiny Tim’s Adventures.
Past pranks have included him trying to buy an iPad on Black Friday, calling a dating agency, and phoning a pub to find his Uncle Barry.
Recently, however, he’s been putting the lockdown front and centre of his calls, and we really enjoyed this one, as did the transport worker being pranked.
It’s nearly six minutes but worth every second.
YouTube user 1fussygit had this reaction.
Has to be one of my favourites, I couldn’t stop crying with laughter and I’m 3 nearly 64 years old. Are you my real son!!!
Check out the rest of his videos on YouTube.
READ MORE
This Saturday Kitchen prank call was good, the chef’s failure to get it even better
Source Tiny Tim’s Adventures Image Tiny Tim’s Adventures, sparkstransport.com


thepoke--2020-05-04--Our 7 favourite reactions to Gogglebox’s take on the PM’s mugger speech

After a stay in intensive care with Covid-19 , Boris Johnson ’ s first speech to the nation on returning @ @ @ @ @ the coronavirus as an invisible mugger , which earned him some considerable mockery online .
@ @ @ @ @ The clip was one of the many watched by the participants on Gogglebox , where @ @ @ @ @ any better than it had on Twitter .
Some people were very unhappy with the @ @ @ @ @ more thought they ’ d nailed it .
Now , that would be an invisible @ @ @ @ @ Covid-19 as a mugger and got battered – 7 favourite reactions

Twitter
After a stay in intensive care with Covid-19, Boris Johnson’s first speech to the nation on returning to work saw him describe the coronavirus as an invisible mugger, which earned him some considerable mockery online.
This, for example.
I had an argument with my speechwriters over the bit where I talk about wrestling a mugger to the floor. I wanted them to use something based more on my own experience, but they didn't think burning £20 notes in front of a homeless person would work as well.#BORISISBACK — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) April 27, 2020
The clip was one of the many watched by the participants on Gogglebox, where it didn’t fare any better than it had on Twitter.
If you want to know what the British public really think about the Johnson Government's handling of Coronavirus have a look here👇#Covid19UK @BorisJohnson #Gogglebox pic.twitter.com/HtIIh7WdEM — Tim Altmann I've been guided by the science 🤔 (@altmann_tim) May 2, 2020
Some people were very unhappy with the comments.
Really disappointed at the end of #Gogglebox. I normally love it, but the left wing bias is disgraceful. The man almost died for goodness sake, he's come back to work clearly not 100% but is doing his best. This is unprecedented – not 1 country has made NO mistakes. — Rach STAY AT HOME 1970 (@Twinklyr) May 1, 2020
Those last few minutes knocking the government completely ruined the show tonight, Shame on Channel for trying to score political points , DISGUSTED ! #Gogglebox — ProudtobeEnglish (@ibizagal) May 1, 2020
But a lot more thought they’d nailed it.
1.
2.
Sad to see the public so out of step with the public mood https://t.co/EOPSl2Jg0Y — Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) May 3, 2020
3.
Gogglebox is now the de facto official opposition https://t.co/OrFQbrVbJo — ian mighty (@iammightor) May 3, 2020
4.
On the day that Johnson and the Sun try to change the subject from the mounting death toll… pic.twitter.com/Fxgxncj5Dj — Tim Walker (@ThatTimWalker) May 3, 2020
5.
Gogglebox gets it… can’t wait to see what they think of the testing figures😳 https://t.co/shIoY8HS4S — Deborah Meaden (@DeborahMeaden) May 3, 2020
6.
Gogglebox 1 Government 0 https://t.co/PlYDt0pTw2 — Steve Bray #HoldThemToAccount (@snb19692) May 3, 2020
7.
Can't wait for the shocking expose that will reveal everyone on Gogglebox is secretly a Labour activist https://t.co/YuJTCty7X7 — Zing Tsjeng (@misszing) May 3, 2020
Lynsey Galley had an interesting suggestion.
Who is up for the #Gogglebox cast asking the questions at the briefing. Let’s keep it real and get to the point. 👊🏻 https://t.co/VFFCinwcv4 — Lynsey Galley (@LynseyGalleyAC) May 3, 2020
Now, that would be an invisible mugging.
READ MORE
Boris Johnson described Covid-19 as a mugger and got battered – 7 favourite reactions
Source Channel 4 via Tim Altmann Image Channel 4 via Tim Altmann


thepoke--2020-05-05--Bob Mortimer nailed his John Cooper Clarke impression – complete with a topical poem

We ’ ve always suspected there might be even more to Bob Mortimer ‘ s talent than the vast amount @ @ @ @ @ , and this proves it .
Not only has he written a poem in the @ @ @ @ @ Clarke , but he ’ s performed it as the man himself might do .
@ @ @ @ @ the only ones impressed by this new side of Bob .
Cait O ’ Ryan @ @ @ @ @ him .
So you can appreciate how good that was , and because there ’ @ @ @ @ @ for a bit of Dr. John Cooper Clarke , here ’ s the real one @ @ @ @ @ recently published works .
Bob Mortimer ’ s new Train Guy video puts a whole @ @ @ @ @

Videos
We’ve always suspected there might be even more to Bob Mortimer‘s talent than the vast amount we’ve already seen, and this proves it.
Not only has he written a poem in the unmistakable style of John Cooper Clarke, but he’s performed it as the man himself might do.
John Cooper Lockdown pic.twitter.com/6RC6a5Nrxg — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 2, 2020
Uncanny!
We obviously weren’t the only ones impressed by this new side of Bob.
@Apps63 that is too good. I feel like we’re robbing him watching this stuff for free — Paul Appleby (@PaulMAppleby) May 2, 2020
My god this is incredible 😂😂😂😂 — Jules (@Julezey193) May 2, 2020
Cait O’Ryan had a new name for him.
John Cooped-Up Clarke — Cait O'Ryan (@_CaitlinORyan) May 2, 2020
Perfect.
So you can appreciate how good that was, and because there’s never a bad time for a bit of Dr. John Cooper Clarke, here’s the real one performing one of his most recently published works.
Doctors orders… Make a brew & have a few mins in the world of JCC. Here’s I Wrote The Songs… what’s your fave line from this number?
(And if you wanna buy The Luckiest Guy Alive- it’s here: https://t.co/AyZivqZOr8)
🕶 pic.twitter.com/DsrDUFR0EP — official_jcc (@official_jcc) April 30, 2020
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s new Train Guy video puts a whole new spin on Joe Wicks
Source Bob Mortimer Image Bob Mortimer, John Cooper Clarke


thepoke--2020-05-05--A guy called this woman’s Pulitzer win a ‘disgrace’ and her comeback deserves a prize all its own

Early contender for comeback of the week goes to Nikole Hannah-Jones , a journalist on the New York Times magazine @ @ @ @ @ Pulitzer Prize this week .
But another journalist , a man called Joe Gabriel Simonson @ @ @ @ @ Spectator and the American Conservative magazine among others , wasn ’ t happy .
He @ @ @ @ @ all .
And Hannah-Jones ’ comeback deserved a Pulitzer all of its own .
Comeback @ @ @ @ @ this week , another week )

Twitter
Early contender for comeback of the week goes to Nikole Hannah-Jones, a journalist on the New York Times magazine, who won a coveted Pulitzer Prize this week.
But another journalist, a man called Joe Gabriel Simonson, who writes for the Spectator and the American Conservative magazine among others, wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy at all.
Absolute disgrace and further undermines any journalists who receives this prize now or in the future. https://t.co/wCeVW5ZbQ9 — Joe Gabriel Simonson (@SaysSimonson) May 4, 2020
And Hannah-Jones’ comeback deserved a Pulitzer all of its own.
At least you won't have to worry about that. — Ida Bae Wells (@nhannahjones) May 4, 2020
Boom!
911, I’d like to report a murder pic.twitter.com/LlindSXrrE — Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
Comeback of the week (not this week, another week)
H/T @JessicaValenti


thepoke--2020-05-05--How this woman modified her mask will have you facepalming into next week

TikToker Shawn Quinn has shared this little bit of covert footage of an exchange in an American shop and we @ @ @ @ @ weren ’ t all keeping our hands away from our faces .
Someone noticed another @ @ @ @ @ s mask .
He was probably being sarcastic .
Belgium ’ s deputy PM failing @ @ @ @ @ is here to make all our lockdown lives better

Videos
TikToker Shawn Quinn has shared this little bit of covert footage of an exchange in an American shop and we’d be facepalming if weren’t all keeping our hands away from our faces.
from Facepalm GIFs via Gfycat
Here’s how TikTok users reacted.
Someone noticed another benefit of the woman’s mask.
He was probably being sarcastic.
READ MORE
Belgium’s deputy PM failing to put a mask on is here to make all our lockdown lives better
Source Shawn Quinn Image Shawn Quinn


thepoke--2020-05-05--This CNN anchor’s takedown of Donald Trump over his ‘Barack Obama obsession’ is quite the watch

CNN anchor Don Lemon went viral – wildly viral – for this 50 second monologue about Donald Trump and his @ @ @ @ @ Obama .
He ends up addressing the so-called president directly and , well , have @ @ @ @ @ ‘ What is it about President Obama that really gets under your skin ?
Is @ @ @ @ @ smarter than you ?
Better educated ?
Made it on his own — didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ help ?
Wife is more accomplished ?
Better looking ?
I don ’ t know @ @ @ @ @ what is it about him ?
That he ’ s a black man that ’ @ @ @ @ @ That he punked you on the whole birth certificate thing ?
What is it about @ @ @ @ @ And here are just some of the things people were saying about it .
Donald @ @ @ @ @ treated worse than Abraham Lincoln and the entire internet put him right

Videos
CNN anchor Don Lemon went viral – wildly viral – for this 50 second monologue about Donald Trump and his ‘obsession’ with Barack Obama.
He ends up addressing the so-called president directly and, well, have a watch for yourself.
WOW! Don Lemon just completely called Trump out for his obsession with @BarackObama. Trump does not want anyone to see this video. Let’s make sure everyone does! #PresidentBarackObama pic.twitter.com/z4gz7juEc6 — Ms. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) May 4, 2020
‘What is it about President Obama that really gets under your skin? Is it because he’s smarter than you? Better educated? Made it on his own — didn’t need Daddy’s help? Wife is more accomplished? Better looking? I don’t know, what is it, what is it about him? That he’s a black man that’s accomplished being president? That he punked you on the whole birth certificate thing? What is it about him? Just wondering.’
And here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
This is like a piece of performance art. I'd watch a durational version of him calmly speaking to Trump like he's a child after throwing a tantrum for least 3 hours without interval. https://t.co/yJv2ZfdHc4 — M I K E R Y A N (@90mikeryan) May 4, 2020
Don Lemon with zero fucks left.pic.twitter.com/kbC0zghhzB — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) May 4, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump said he’s treated worse than Abraham Lincoln and the entire internet put him right
H/T Indy100


thepoke--2020-05-05--You won’t see a better lockdown exit strategy than this reader’s letter to the Guardian

As the government grapples with how to exit the lockdown once they – and everyone else – feels it ’ @ @ @ @ @ , they could do worse than take note of this reader ’ s letter to @ @ @ @ @ ?
’ said @ beatieedney who shared it over on Twitter .
‘ As men @ @ @ @ @ , has anyone considered allowing women and children out of lockdown first ?
We could @ @ @ @ @ few weeks and see how things go while men stay at home baking banana bread @ @ @ @ @ could do it on the Isle of Wight first and see how it goes .
@ @ @ @ @ about non-essential travel and he wasn ’ t a happy bunny

Twitter
As the government grapples with how to exit the lockdown once they – and everyone else – feels it’s safe to do so, they could do worse than take note of this reader’s letter to the Guardian.
‘Idea?’ said @beatieedney who shared it over on Twitter.
‘As men are more vulnerable to Covid-19, has anyone considered allowing women and children out of lockdown first? We could run the country for a few weeks and see how things go while men stay at home baking banana bread and clapping.’
Perhaps they could do it on the Isle of Wight first and see how it goes.
READ MORE
The police warned Nigel Farage about non-essential travel and he wasn’t a happy bunny
Source @beatieedney


thepoke--2020-05-05--Louis Theroux had the best response to this question about Tiger King’s Joe Exotic

One of the consequences of Netflix ’ s extraordinary documentary Tiger King is that lots of people have been revisiting @ @ @ @ @ in which he interviewed Joe Exotic .
Theroux went on Twitter to answer questions and @ @ @ @ @ zoo owner , of which there were many .
But the best Q & A @ @ @ @

Twitter
One of the consequences of Netflix’s extraordinary documentary Tiger King is that lots of people have been revisiting an old Louis Theroux documentary in which he interviewed Joe Exotic.
The programme was just repeated on BBC2 and Theroux went on Twitter to answer questions and share observations about the former zoo owner, of which there were many.
I sometimes had the feeling Joe wasn’t totally across his brief, conservation-wise. Like he couldn’t remember his own hype. #watchwithlouis — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 3, 2020
Joe may have started with good intentions but he lost his way #watchwithlouis — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 3, 2020
Would like to. If Joe is reading, please reach out. #watchwithlouis https://t.co/ibsQ9iZdIi — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 3, 2020
I actually count Tatiana as an ex girlfriend to improve my numbers. #watchwithlouis — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 3, 2020
But the best Q&A was surely this one.
@louistheroux, in your opinion, what was the weirdest thing about Joe Exotic? #watchwithlouis — Karen Jackson (@kjack1911) May 3, 2020
Probably the fact that he had nearly 200 tigers https://t.co/cJyZEiTC1n — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
When Louis Theroux won at Twitter


thepoke--2020-05-05--The US now has “murder hornets” –  these 13 funny reactions have a sting in the tail

News of the arrival in the US of a flying pest , the Asian Giant Hornet , had people quaking @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t help that the New York Times dubbed them “ murder hornets ” @ @ @ @ @ to make their feelings known before the murder hornets got them .
As is so @ @ @ @ @ Simpsons had called it years ago .
Sting Operation !
Burglar Hospitalised After Disturbing Wasps @ @ @ @ @ To Steal A Fish Tank )

News
News of the arrival in the US of a flying pest, the Asian Giant Hornet, had people quaking at the thought. It didn’t help that the New York Times dubbed them “murder hornets”.
A new threat reaches the United States: A massive hornet with mandibles that rip bees to shreds and a stinger so potent that one unfortunate victim likened it to "having red-hot thumbtacks being driven into my flesh."https://t.co/miU3QLGCF9 — Mike Baker (@ByMikeBaker) May 2, 2020
People took to Twitter to make their feelings known before the murder hornets got them.
1.
lmao God is just straight-up done with our bullshit https://t.co/QTdFGlQz4Q — Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerBMD) May 2, 2020
2.
Murder hornets. Sure thing, 2020. Give us everything. Hypno-frogs. Fecal blizzards. Toilet tsunamis. A CATS sequel. We can take it. https://t.co/DSDpgKhKzQ — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 2, 2020
3.
READ THE ROOM MURDER HORNETS https://t.co/5z44l7ekSL — Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) May 2, 2020
4.
No one: 2020: Release the MURDER HORNETS. https://t.co/64Mi3q8POS — Alma Har'el🌪 (@Almaharel) May 2, 2020
5.
Has the president spoken about the murder hornets yet? Because the minute he says not to worry about the murder hornets is when I’m gonna get real concerned about the murder hornets. — great scott! 🇺🇸 (@GreatScott1991) May 5, 2020
6.
You have what, 15 murder hornets, and the 15 within a couple days is going to be down close to zero — Jeff Smith (@JeffSmithMO) May 5, 2020
7.
My husband won't stop playing Call of Duty on his phone… with his friends… with no headphones. I would like to request one murder hornet please. — Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) May 5, 2020
8.
[Michael Caine voice] I never dreamed that it would turn out to be the murder hornets. They’ve always been our friend. https://t.co/LP26HFTS8W — Nick de Semlyen (@NickdeSemlyen) May 2, 2020
9.
swore off reading any news but I broke this morning and the first thing I saw is "murder hornets" and why can't I be more disciplined — joe (@mutablejoe) May 3, 2020
10.
Guys, this Jumanji game is already going so badly. Someone please roll a 6. https://t.co/MT4Id5Zf6P — Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) May 2, 2020
11.
Murder Hornets on the way to officially cancel your wishful Summer plans: pic.twitter.com/kG71GSVmXR — Jason Gendron (@JasonGendron16) May 2, 2020
12.
Just found out the murder hornets murder bees and not me and I feel like that should have been made clearer because now I actually care — MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 4, 2020
13.
We tried to get him on pussygrabbing. No go. Kids in cages. Nuthin. Bribing an allie under attack to get the weapons to defend themselves. Crickets. So God sent plagues. And pestilence. Whatever it takes. Lowlife pussyass muthafucka! https://t.co/34XUJzHDyC — Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) May 2, 2020
As is so often the case, The Simpsons had called it years ago.
the simpsons predicting murder hornets during the middle of the COVID pandemic is uncanny pic.twitter.com/xftLr3o1H5 — Fat Ass Kelly Price (@liltayxo) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
Sting Operation! Burglar Hospitalised After Disturbing Wasps’ Nest (While Trying To Steal A Fish Tank)
Source Mike Baker Image NBC


thepoke--2020-05-05--Just a lovely example of sensible social distance policing at work

A fine example , now , of the police using their powers sensibly – and sensitively – to ensure everyone @ @ @ @ @ shared by this local policing team in Tooting , south London .
And just a @ @ @ @ @ were saying about it .
Sports commentator Andrew Cotter ’ s take on his two @ @ @ @ @ walk is the content we needed today Source @ MPSTootingTnC H/T @ nickheathsport

Videos
A fine example, now, of the police using their powers sensibly – and sensitively – to ensure everyone observes social distancing, as shared by this local policing team in Tooting, south London.
Luckily PC Knellar was on hand to break up this fight in #tooting this week! Luckily they listened to his advice and went their separate ways! This was not an essential journey so they were also ignoring #SocialDistancing and #lockdown! 🙄 Have a good weekend everyone #StayAtHome pic.twitter.com/bIQJhbIvXr — Tooting Town Police (@MPSTootingTnC) May 2, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
Beautifully tackled! Years of experience and training in order to achieve the best results there, those officers should be congratulated 😁👍 🐱 — Harry Tangye (@DC_ARVSgt) May 2, 2020
https://twitter.com/nickheathsport/status/1256910189858562048?s=20
Verbal communication followed up by physical presence!!!! That's brilliant!!! They were probably high on catnip!!! Haha xx — Kim Woodgate (@CBFA2020) May 2, 2020
READ MORE
Sports commentator Andrew Cotter’s take on his two dogs dicking around on a walk is the content we needed today
Source @MPSTootingTnC H/T @nickheathsport


thepoke--2020-05-05--An 8-year-old’s viral song about buttholes is the funniest earworm you’ll have today

An eight-year-old girl from Los Angeles has had a more productive lockdown than the rest of us put together , @ @ @ @ @ that masterpiece people keep telling us we have to create .
Jolee Dunn ’ s @ @ @ @ @ , Lisa Rieffel , shared the song on Twitter .
Be ready to get an @ @ @ @ @ , so Jolee could run .
Here ’ s what people have been saying about @ @ @ @ @ radio presenter Lauren Laverne gets her way , we may be hearing a lot more @ @ @

Videos
An eight-year-old girl from Los Angeles has had a more productive lockdown than the rest of us put together, because she’s produced that masterpiece people keep telling us we have to create.
Jolee Dunn’s mum, actor and singer, Lisa Rieffel, shared the song on Twitter. Be ready to get an earworm.
My kid wrote a song called,
“I Wonder What’s Inside your Butthole” Quite honestly, it slaps. pic.twitter.com/A65m6XeZ2r — Lisa Shmeesa 🦎🦎🦎 (@LisaRieffel) May 2, 2020
The Beatles walked, so Jolee could run. Here’s what people have been saying about the catchy ditty.
Move over Captain Moore. There's a new charity single in town…pic.twitter.com/j5I7Pnv5nC — Simon Caine is in self-isolation. (@thismademecool) May 3, 2020
Think I’m gonna be singing, ‘I wonder what’s inside your butthole’ for the duration of the pandemic. — kath 🙀😷❄🇪🇺 (@KathyBurke) May 3, 2020
A true icon and songwriting genius (that bit where it ramps up!!!) https://t.co/09k84Gy23u — Laura Snapes (@laurasnapes) May 3, 2020
Songwriter, Jonathan Mann, gave it a remix.
🎵 I remixed it 🎵 My 6 year old and I watched the original like 50 times in a row. https://t.co/tKUhmLuVpw pic.twitter.com/BpGvSX9OIZ — Jonathan Mann (@songadaymann) May 2, 2020
If radio presenter Lauren Laverne gets her way, we may be hearing a lot more of it.
Can we get a radio edit of this or https://t.co/8DnD9BP0bl — Lauren Laverne (@laurenlaverne) May 3, 2020
Watch this space.
READ MORE
This 3-year-old’s Dinosaur Love Song is hilariously brutal
Source Lisa Rieffel Image Lisa Rieffel


thepoke--2020-05-05--The police warned Nigel Farage about  non-essential travel and he wasn’t a happy bunny

Nigel Farage has been popping up a lot recently , having made a video on a beach warning us about @ @ @ @ @ – as well as the # ClapForCarers one that got him panned .
On Monday @ @ @ @ @ in which he made allegations about illegal immigration .
Author , Nick Pettigrew , pointed @ @ @ @ @ allegation .
But most people just wanted to know why he was out doing non-essential @ @ @ @ @ A few hours later , there was a development .
Twitter had thoughts on that @ @ @ @ @ s like rain on your wedding day .
Or not .
Simply 23 funny things @ @ @ @ @ banging his pan for carers

Pics
Nigel Farage has been popping up a lot recently, having made a video on a beach warning us about immigration – shock, horror – as well as the #ClapForCarers one that got him panned.
On Monday, he posted another clip in which he made allegations about illegal immigration.
I witnessed first hand our Border Force acting as a taxi service for illegal migrants in Dover this morning. This scandal continues and people have got every right to be angry about it. pic.twitter.com/1uwqIQyjJu — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) May 4, 2020
Author, Nick Pettigrew, pointed out a flaw in his allegation.
Isn't it weird that none of the details he mentions – the 10 people, baby, ambulance, etc that he somehow manages to see from half a mile away – is captured on the camera (which appears to have a zoom) he's brought with him for that exact purpose?
Almost like he's full of shit. https://t.co/pmHiSXIFOY — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) May 4, 2020
But most people just wanted to know why he was out doing non-essential things during a lockdown.
Not sure what Nigel's doing out. Last time I checked, masquerading as a low rent, meat puppet approximation of Enoch Powell doesn't qualify you as a key worker. https://t.co/HsAJowhX5p — Graham Lithgow (@grahamlithgow) May 4, 2020
Nigel, al fresco racism isn’t an essential journey, am touting on you to Kent police, brb https://t.co/ZkyrQazRG7 — Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) May 4, 2020
Was this jolly to the seaside an essential journey? — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 4, 2020
A few hours later, there was a development.
Lockdown lunacy. Two police officers just knocked on my door to advise me on essential travel. They had received a complaint that I had been to Dover to report on the illegal migrant scandal taking place. What a total waste of time and money. — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) May 4, 2020
Twitter had thoughts on that, too.
Turns out popping out to do a racism *doesn't* count as exercise, huh. Who could have known. https://t.co/ExFEsbop8Y — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 4, 2020
Exactly. Why would anyone willingly waste police time by putting others in danger whilst driving around the country doing an alan partrdige info wars nonsense — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) May 4, 2020
Nice that you’re signing your tweets now — TheIainDuncanSmiths (@TheIDSmiths) May 4, 2020
Russ in Cheshire spotted a certain irony.
Isn't it horrible when people take away your right to free movement? https://t.co/ceOQ5XqSqa — Russ (@RussInCheshire) May 4, 2020
It’s like rain on your wedding day. Or not.
READ MORE
Simply 23 funny things people said about Nigel Farage banging his pan for carers
Source Nigel Farage Image Nigel Farage


thepoke--2020-05-04--‘Young Al Pacino looks like all the Beatles all at once’

‘ Young Al Pacino looks like all the Beatles all at once , ’ says @ thememorypalace over on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ really does .
“ Paul McCartney ’ s new album could do with a catchier @ @

Pics
‘Young Al Pacino looks like all the Beatles all at once,’ says @thememorypalace over on Twitter and he does, he really does.
What a spot!
I was gonna say that I didn’t see George, and then I saw George — Cully Johnston (@cullyjohnston) May 3, 2020
“Al” together now! — Ken Aguado (@kaguado) May 3, 2020
Does that mean he is in Oasis? — John (@Suppersready3) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
“Paul McCartney’s new album could do with a catchier title”
Source Twitter @thememorypalace


thepoke--2020-05-04--‘I’m broken, this is so funny’

‘I’m broken, this is so funny’

We ’ re grateful to @ byelacey who shared this over on Twitter , saying : ‘ I ’ m @ @ @ @ @ funny ’ .
Sometimes the best jokes are the simplest ( or maybe we ’ @ @ @ @ @ much time indoors ) .
And there was more where that came from .
Oh @ @ @ @ @ from @ Zachary_69 .
Simply 23 brilliantly terrible dad jokes that are guaranteed to take @ @ @

Pics
We’re grateful to @byelacey who shared this over on Twitter, saying: ‘I’m broken, this is so funny’.
Sometimes the best jokes are the simplest (or maybe we’ve all just spent too much time indoors).
And there was more where that came from.
‘Same humour,’ said @OctogenarioT.
(via)
‘Same hat,’ said @mochimilkyway.
(via)
Oh, go on then, from @Zachary_69.
(via)
READ MORE
Simply 23 brilliantly terrible dad jokes that are guaranteed to take the edge off
Source @byelacey


thepoke--2020-05-04--Belgium’s deputy PM failing to put a mask on is here to make all our lockdown lives better

This is exactly what we needed today , Belgium ’ s deputy prime minister Koen Geens being not entirely successful @ @ @ @ @ on a face mask .
Close but no cigar ( we should probably be grateful @ @ @ @ @ to smoke one ) .
And our favourite things people said about it .
The @ @ @ @ @ we ’ ve seen ( not including this guy )

Videos
This is exactly what we needed today, Belgium’s deputy prime minister Koen Geens being not entirely successful in his attempt to put on a face mask.
Three world leaders have now struggled publicly with face masks. The latest is Belgium’s Koen Geenspic.twitter.com/ZBi7FHkWK0 — Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) May 4, 2020
Close but no cigar (we should probably be grateful he isn’t trying to smoke one).
And our favourite things people said about it.
I could watch this all day long https://t.co/NQUqagTE3v — Karl Sharro (@KarlreMarks) May 1, 2020
This is the Deputy Prime Minister of Belgium. I am sure the entire country prays every evening for the continued good health of their Prime Minister.#Belgium #COVID19 #MaskFail https://t.co/5XjHAizb2T — David Jacobs (@DrJacobsRad) May 3, 2020
Now I understand how Belgium went for a year and a half without a government. https://t.co/1o0tUG43wE — Patrick French (@PatrickFrench) May 2, 2020
READ MORE
The 14 funniest new lockdown jokes we’ve seen (not including this guy)
Source @BasToemen


thepoke--2020-05-04--Frankie Boyle had the best response to ITV cancelling Love Island because of Covid-19

To we ’ re guessing not too many people ’ s surprise , ITV won ’ t be showing Love @ @ @ @ @ about everything to do with the show having become incredibly complicated because of Covid-19 .
@ @ @ @ @ television Kevin Lygo said : “ We have tried every which way to make Love @ @ @ @ @ logistically it ’ s just not possible to produce it in a way that safeguards @ @ @ @ @ and that for us is the priority.
” And it prompted lots of responses , @ @ @ @ @ with people divided between those who felt like this … … and people who felt @ @ @ @ @ lots of people who felt like this .
We liked this from @ MooseAllain … @ @ @ @ @ @ mrjohnofarrell .
But the best response surely belonged to @ frankieboyle .

Twitter
To we’re guessing not too many people’s surprise, ITV won’t be showing Love Island this year, just about everything to do with the show having become incredibly complicated because of Covid-19.
ITV’s director of television Kevin Lygo said: “We have tried every which way to make Love Island this summer. But logistically it’s just not possible to produce it in a way that safeguards the wellbeing of everyone involved and that for us is the priority.”
And it prompted lots of responses, as you might imagine, with people divided between those who felt like this …
Even in such troubling times, there are consolations. https://t.co/vqchwwKVma — David Aaronovitch (@DAaronovitch) May 4, 2020
Love island cancelled till next year. pic.twitter.com/yL8Dr4CPVN — Derek Faye (@faye_derek) May 4, 2020
… and people who felt like this.
Me wondering what I’m going to do with my summer evenings now #loveisland is cancelled pic.twitter.com/nqxp2g0Oic — Liv Hesketh (@livhesketh_) May 4, 2020
And it was in that moment, the UK officially had no idea how they were supposed to spend this summer #LoveIsland pic.twitter.com/8a7CQW9ERA — sophie thompson (@sophxthompson) May 4, 2020
Not forgetting lots of people who felt like this.
Apparently it's 'news' that love island is cancelled. pic.twitter.com/lqZHR46PMn — Stephen Morgan (@stevem2k) May 4, 2020
We liked this from @MooseAllain …
Imagining an alternative reality in which the inhabitants of Love Island, isolated from the rest of the world, are the only survivors of a global pandemic and afterwards must repopulate the planet and rebuild civilisation. pic.twitter.com/xpkIeCeiUk — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) May 4, 2020
… and this idea from @mrjohnofarrell.
To replace Love Island; a reality show where we vote off the books in Michael Gove's house. — John O'Farrell (@mrjohnofarrell) May 4, 2020
But the best response surely belonged to @frankieboyle.
This was pretty low on the list of viruses I thought would cancel Love Island — Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) May 4, 2020
READ MORE
Never forget Frankie Boyle’s epic takedown of Richard Branson


thepoke--2020-05-04--Donald Trump said he’s treated worse than Abraham Lincoln and the entire internet put him right

Spare a thought – only kidding !
– for Donald Trump who ’ s fed up with the press doing @ @ @ @ @ and holding him to account .
In fact , the so-called president said he ’ @ @ @ @ @ Abraham Lincoln , in front of the Lincoln memorial .
And the entire internet queued @ @ @ @ @ .
Donald Trump said his disinfectant remarks were ‘ sarcastic ’ – 4 perfect putdowns

Twitter
Spare a thought – only kidding! – for Donald Trump who’s fed up with the press doing things like asking him questions and holding him to account, stuff like that.
In fact, the so-called president reckons he’s being treated worse than Abraham Lincoln.
At the Lincoln Memorial, Trump says he's being treated worse than Lincoln. pic.twitter.com/psZwWRE6WD — Oliver Darcy (@oliverdarcy) May 4, 2020
And the entire internet queued up to put him right.
BREAKING: Donald Trump just claimed that he’s treated worse than Abraham Lincoln was. FACT CHECK: Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. — Ms. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) May 4, 2020
Video of President Trump, sitting at the feet of the Lincoln Memorial, saying is he being treated worse than President Abraham Lincoln, who was assassinated after freeing enslaved people across America. https://t.co/PHBVFHpCox — Yamiche Alcindor (@Yamiche) May 4, 2020
I guess Trump never learned how Lincoln's presidency ended. https://t.co/Vp43RuMxhi — Grant Stern (@grantstern) May 4, 2020
Trump: “They always said Lincoln. Nobody got treated worse than Lincoln. I believe I am treated worse.” Lincoln was assassinated, but that’s nothing compared to Trump having to answer questions from reporters. – #TrumpTownHall at the Lincoln Memorial pic.twitter.com/UFq0SNX1zq — Keith Boykin (@keithboykin) May 4, 2020
I just keep imagining Lincoln leaning over on his chair and sticking out his big boot to knock Trump upside the head at this #TrumpTownHall. pic.twitter.com/dT2SaXLeTU — Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) May 4, 2020
Trump literally just said he believes he has been treated worse than Lincoln was.
Three words: John. Wilkes. Booth. #TrumpTownHall — Kimmy Fernandez (@MsKimmy) May 4, 2020
Abraham Lincoln dwarfing Trump as a man, Fox News finally got something right. pic.twitter.com/dH9J380jQD — Devin Duke (@sirDukeDevin) May 4, 2020
68,000 *confirmed* dead, millions more sick or in financial distress, because this man chose to follow & promote Chinese propaganda instead of listening to US intelligence and preparing US for COVID-19: but he is the true victim, he is always the victim. https://t.co/LFP0wB8z3J — David Rothschild (@DavMicRot) May 4, 2020
To conclude …
Lincoln: Our most literate president.
Trump: Our most illiterate president.
Lincoln: Our most thoughtful president.
Trump: Our most ignorant president.
Lincoln: Saved the Union.
Trump: Divided the nation.
Lincoln: Assassinated.
Trump: Got asked a few hard questions. https://t.co/AlvHY460ho — Richard Stengel (@stengel) May 4, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump said his disinfectant remarks were ‘sarcastic’ – 4 perfect putdowns


thepoke--2020-05-04--Everyone’s talking about Michael Gove and Sarah Vine’s bookshelves – 5 favourite responses

Today ’ s Twitterstorm™ concerns the bookshelves belonging to cabinet minister Michael Gove and his wife , Daily Mail columnist @ @ @ @ @ began when Vine tweeted a picture of her husband on the telly … … and @ @ @ @ @ books on the shelves behind .
Here ’ s what Vine had to say to @ @ @ @ @ doubled down with a whole load more .
Here are our 5 favourite responses .
@ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t spot this .
Here ’ s what Vine said at the end @ @ @ @ @ Sarah Vine ’ s world , women are the villains in the sex harassment scandal

Twitter
Today’s Twitterstorm™ concerns the bookshelves belonging to cabinet minister Michael Gove and his wife, Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine.
It all began when Vine tweeted a picture of her husband on the telly …
… and people noticed something about the books on the shelves behind.
https://twitter.com/supermathskid/status/1257236042048045056?s=20
Also having Hitler Rommel and Napoleon next to Maggie is not a good look. — ALASTAIR CAMPBELL (@campbellclaret) May 3, 2020
Here’s what Vine had to say to that.
Don’t be so absurd. They are books. You should try them sometimes – you can learn a lot from them. You will note there is also a peter mandelson. — Sarah Vine (@WestminsterWAG) May 3, 2020
And then she doubled down with a whole load more.
As a very special treat for my trolls and @campbellclaret here is another bookshelf. There are about 20 more. Enjoy! pic.twitter.com/FgrUiczeV0 — Sarah Vine (@WestminsterWAG) May 3, 2020
Here are our 5 favourite responses.
Everybody staring at Michael Gove's bookshelf:
These are a few too many books about Hitler than is ideal for a cabinet minister. Sarah Vine:
… Can I interest you in The Bell Curve – a book that ties intelligence to race – and one by prominent Holocaust-denier David Irving? https://t.co/z6iR6JmBFA — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 4, 2020
David Irving, the Bell Curve, Atlas Shrugged… if this had been on ‘Through the Keyhole’ I’d have guessed Anders Breivik — Hicham Yezza (@HichamYezza) May 3, 2020
Yet another famous person exposing their reading habits by appearing on TV in front of their bookshelf. pic.twitter.com/4hodVemrEK — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 4, 2020
Oh, come on now. This is all getting silly. Just because someone has books about certain people it doesn’t mean that… holy moly that’s a lot of books about vicious, short dictators to keep above the telly. pic.twitter.com/3JNwCaHd4l — Steve Bullock (@GuitarMoog) May 3, 2020
Why are people surprised Islamophobe supreme Sarah Vine (and presumably Michael Gove) reads Holocaust-denier David Irving and white-supremacist Charles Murray? I mean, those Daily Mail columns need research! https://t.co/nGN7LVbRFg — Joana Ramiro (@JoanaRamiroUK) May 3, 2020
And just in case you didn’t spot this.
Is that your weed stash in the glass jar? — Steve Rolles (@SteveTransform) May 4, 2020
😂 no. — Sarah Vine (@WestminsterWAG) May 4, 2020
Here’s what Vine said at the end of it all.
Extraordinary how many people on here seem to be so censorious of books and the idea of knowledge. In common with the Nazis, the Spanish Inquisition, Communist Russia – and pretty much every despotic, brutal regime you can think of. Says it all, really. — Sarah Vine (@WestminsterWAG) May 4, 2020
And finally, this!
Curating my bookshelves ahead of an interview on the BBC News At One. pic.twitter.com/qXYhVVc0LB — Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) May 4, 2020
READ MORE
In Sarah Vine’s world, women are the villains in the sex harassment scandal


thepoke--2020-05-04--Funny Missing Pet Notice of the Day

Funny Missing Pet Notice of the Day

There are technological ways of tracing missing pets these days .
but you can ’ t beat going old school @ @ @ @ @ behind the ruined castle or asking the diver if he ’ s seen anything .
@ @ @ @ @ gone viral because of its adorable dad goals

Pics
There are technological ways of tracing missing pets these days. but you can’t beat going old school.
They should try looking behind the ruined castle or asking the diver if he’s seen anything.
READ MORE
This missing hamster story has gone viral because of its adorable dad goals
Source r/Funny Image r/Funny


thepoke--2020-05-04--The 14 funniest new lockdown jokes we’ve seen

How ’ s your hair coping with lockdown ?
Have you had any funky dreams ?
Are your hands basically @ @ @ @ @ all that washing ?
Put all that out of your mind for five minutes and @ @ @ @ @ quarantine life .

Twitter
How’s your hair coping with lockdown? Have you had any funky dreams? Are your hands basically made from paper due to all that washing?
Put all that out of your mind for five minutes and enjoy these funny tweets about quarantine life.
1.
This is what happens when you limit screen time in lockdown pic.twitter.com/rQwTc25gcr — Samuel West (@exitthelemming) May 1, 2020
2.
before after
lockdown lockdown pic.twitter.com/9WPsWgAGZF — flappy (@funflaps) May 1, 2020
3.
The only thing Matt Hancock has been testing 100k times a day is my fucking patience — Eli 🏳🌈 (@positive_trans) May 3, 2020
4.
5.
Who knew the apocalypse would feature so much dog walking? — The Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) May 2, 2020
6.
Covid take me now pic.twitter.com/FagpMp95Xu — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 3, 2020
7.
About to buy some loo roll. This feels so March 2020. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 3, 2020
8.
Me: This is the worst television show I’ve ever seen. My Boss: This is a Zoom meeting. — Goats? (@Gooooats) April 29, 2020
9.
Me every night during lockdown pic.twitter.com/3tWDjDBou4 — Taffin (@i124nk8) May 2, 2020
10.
Matt Hancock explaining how capacity for coronavirus testing has miraculously quadrupled. pic.twitter.com/T5fYXk2K35 — christhebarker (@christhebarker) May 1, 2020
11.
People who think it's all over now and we should remove lockdown restrictions are those people in a disaster movie who think the danger is over but we all know it isn't because we're only 30 minutes into a 2 hour movie. — Stu. (@dysondoc) May 3, 2020
12.
because you can’t plug a leak with a Grecian urn? pic.twitter.com/Bv6ares9TO — Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) May 2, 2020
13.
Top excuses for defying quarantine rules – haircut/beauty salon
– “patriot”
– hoax
– “I’m healthy”
– imbecile — Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) May 3, 2020
14.
an ad blocker, but for quarantine weight gain freakouts — Your Fat Friend (she/her/hers) (@yrfatfriend) May 1, 2020
READ MORE
15 fave lockdown laughs to feed our funny bones
Image Chris Barker


thepoke--2020-05-04--Annabel Giles gives make-up tips in the quirkiest celebrity quarantine video yet

The multifaceted Annabel Giles has worked as an actor , TV presenter and model , and is a counsellor and @ @ @ @ @ perhaps , unsurprising that she ’ s willing and able to give quarantine advice on @ @ @ @ @ ?
Sure !
Practical ?
Not even remotely .
Funny ?
Absolutely !
We ’ @ @ @ @ @ could develop into a series .

Videos
The multifaceted Annabel Giles has worked as an actor, TV presenter and model, and is a counsellor and psychotherapist. It is, perhaps, unsurprising that she’s willing and able to give quarantine advice on keeping up appearances.
Unusual? Sure! Practical? Not even remotely. Funny? Absolutely!
Here’s how Twitter reacted.
This is the best celebrity at home video out there. — Michael Daley (@theglorymill) May 1, 2020
GILES HAS LOST IT.
REPEAT: GILES HAS LOST IT. https://t.co/kbxxgqubSL — Greg Scott (@GregScottTV) May 3, 2020
There are people you work with who become lovely friends AND important mentors… here’s one of mine at her dazzling best
Ps @Annabel_Giles re your #handyhints I STILL lick the glass when wearing lipstick 💋 https://t.co/UzDyKEq4qi — Sarah Greene (@RealSarahGreene) May 2, 2020
We’re quite hopeful that this could develop into a series.
Next week: lockdown hair solutions https://t.co/hwRAT6kpFs — Annabel Giles (@Annabel_Giles) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
‘The power of make-up’
Source Annabel Giles Image Annabel Giles


thepoke--2020-05-04--An old BBC TV licence advert made its Pythonesque point with some famous faces

Back in 1985 , the BBC pulled out all the stops to persuade viewers that the licence fee was good @ @ @ @ @ how many famous faces you recognise .
That ’ s quite the trip down memory @ @ @ @ @ ’ t convinced by that , perhaps the Spitting Image version is more your cup @ @ @ @ @ updated this Monty Python scene for the pandemic – and it ’ s just glorious

Videos
Back in 1985, the BBC pulled out all the stops to persuade viewers that the licence fee was good value for money. See how many famous faces you recognise.
BBC TV Licence advert from 1985. Packed full of famous faces. pic.twitter.com/Nv8kHD8Qar — CuriousBritishTelly (@CuriousUkTelly) May 1, 2020
That’s quite the trip down memory lane.
What an advert. It even has Patrick Moore playing Space Invaders! https://t.co/jEu1DYxyYl — Mark Rees (@reviewwales) May 1, 2020
I love Ken Campbell as the voice of alternative comedy coming out of the gents…. https://t.co/sotEYqql6V — Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) May 1, 2020
The best advert the BBC have ever run.
Could do worse than creating a 2020 version? pic.twitter.com/Ozs2cIgvLX — Richard Innes (@bigrichinnes) May 1, 2020
If you weren’t convinced by that, perhaps the Spitting Image version is more your cup of tea.
READ MORE
Someone has updated this Monty Python scene for the pandemic – and it’s just glorious
Source @CuriousUKTelly Image BBC via @CuriousUKTelly


thepoke--2020-05-06--Still one of the all-time great Twitter responses

Never gets old .
Well , not too old .
“ This is peak humour I will not hear any @ @

Twitter
Never gets old. Well, not too old.
READ MORE
“This is peak humour I will not hear any different”


thepoke--2020-05-06--19 songs that hilariously describe the bin fire that is 2020

The Musical Hashtags account sets people hashtag challenges that are – well – musical .
This one is both musical @ @ @ @ @ what people came up with .

Twitter
The Musical Hashtags account sets people hashtag challenges that are – well – musical. This one is both musical and topical.
It's been quite a year already, and it's only May! What song best describes 2020 for you, your family, your community, your world? Let's play#SongsThatDescribe2020 Hosted by @robyndwoskin @stgavalot
Part of @HashtagRoundup pic.twitter.com/NycG4U7o4o — Musical Hashtags (@MusicalHashtags) May 5, 2020
This is what people came up with.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Highway to hell. #SongsThatDescribe2020 — Rachel VIII, Ratchet Queen of Quarantine (@Rachels_Ratchet) May 5, 2020
6.
R.E.M – It’s The End Of The World #SongsThatDescribe2020 — nirmal (@nirmal88sun) May 5, 2020
7.
My Corona #SongsThatDescribe2020 — The Artist Formerly Known As… (@UnitedFan1977V2) May 5, 2020
8.
9.
10.


thepoke--2020-05-06--A factory trolled Donald Trump by playing Live and Let Die and it’s glorious

Donald Trump ignored health officials ’ recommendations by deciding not to wear a mask while visiting a factory producing masks @ @ @ @ @ of Covid-19 .
The so-called president put on a pair of goggles but decided against @ @ @ @ @ during his visit to the factory in Arizona .
And people couldn ’ t help @ @ @ @ @ factory workers chose to play – very , very loud – during his visit .
@ @ @ @ @ , that … well , have a watch for yourself .
As a commentary on @ @ @ @ @ response to the pandemic , it doesn ’ t come much better than that .
@ @ @ @ @ just a brief clip either .
The factory played the whole song , by the @ @ @ @ @ our favourite things people said about it .
Mike Pence went mask-free to look people @ @ @ @ @ – 6 scathing responses

Videos
Donald Trump ignored health officials’ recommendations by deciding not to wear a mask while visiting a factory producing masks to help stop the spread of Covid-19.
The so-called president put on a pair of goggles but decided against wearing any other protective equipment during his visit to the factory in Arizona.
And people couldn’t help but notice the music that factory workers chose to play – very, very loud – during his visit. So loud, in fact, that … well, have a watch for yourself.
I can think of no better metaphor for this presidency than Donald Trump not wearing a face mask to a face mask factory while the song “Live and Let Die” blares in the background. pic.twitter.com/mJzU1HW7HA — Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) May 5, 2020
As a commentary on the president’s so-called response to the pandemic, it doesn’t come much better than that.
Whoever played Live And Let Die whilst Trump was visiting a mask factory today is a twisted genius pic.twitter.com/NZqggBXeMp — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 5, 2020
And it wasn’t just a brief clip either. The factory played the whole song, by the looks of it.
President Trump is in a mask factory, not wearing a mask pic.twitter.com/jtBmyKJPCa — Zach Purser Brown (@zachjourno) May 5, 2020
They are also, somewhat inappropriately, blasting ‘Live and let die’ over the factory sound system pic.twitter.com/A11qkUla2F — Zach Purser Brown (@zachjourno) May 5, 2020
And our favourite things people said about it.
The person in charge of the stereo, deserves a raise. — Vetter (@KVett7) May 5, 2020
And he’s breathing and speaking over the masks 🤦🏻♀ What exactly are the goggles for?! — 🍷🐝 Readers for Pete Buttigieg (@Readers4Pete) May 5, 2020
If anyone at that factory gets fired for blasting that "Live and let die" song at Donald Trump, I want their name so I can set up a gofundme and make them rich. — Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) May 6, 2020
They are all in a mask factory, a pile of masks in front of them and the only one smart enough to wear one if is the guy making them. — Lulu (@lulumr) May 5, 2020
Are those his goggles from the tanning bed? — StayingHomeForever ♈🖤🇯🇲🇮🇱🇮🇹 (@AAries122112) May 5, 2020
He needs to wear this one 🤡 pic.twitter.com/dUSbBCTUAe — ClaRidy B (@clarissabay21) May 5, 2020
So after he cups the mask with his bare hands he puts it back with the rest ?!! 😧 — Sherif Zidan (@SherifZidan29) May 5, 2020
It’s somehow funnier that it’s the Guns N’ Roses version. — Daníel Magnússon (@danielmagg77) May 5, 2020
To conclude, this.
Whoever had the balls to play Live and Let Die while Trump toured the mask factory can deejay any party I ever have for the rest of my life. https://t.co/PQv6gT5p5F — Bryan Behar (@bryanbehar) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
Mike Pence went mask-free to look people “in the eye” – 6 scathing responses
Source @jimmykimmel


thepoke--2020-05-06--Yet another person compared Covid-19 to the war – the only 5 takedowns you need to read

What is it about the Second World War that makes it such a go-to event for people looking for an @ @ @ @ @ behaviour to protect the community ?
It certainly can ’ t be because people were @ @ @ @ @ a major threat , whether behind blackout curtains at home or in shelters .
Peter @ @ @ @ @ use that analogy , during a heated Twitter discussion on whether the lockdown has been @ @ @ @ @ the coronavirus .
People had thoughts – and they were happy to share .
Designer @ @ @ @ @ analogy to its illogical conclusion .
A politician compared the coronavirus to the Blitz and @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
What is it about the Second World War that makes it such a go-to event for people looking for an argument against having to curtail behaviour to protect the community?
It certainly can’t be because people were asked to take shelter from a major threat, whether behind blackout curtains at home or in shelters.
Peter Hitchens is the latest to use that analogy, during a heated Twitter discussion on whether the lockdown has been useful in the fight against the coronavirus.
Even during the two great wars, theatres, pubs, churches remained open, people were not confined to their homes. And there was no question the Germans were attacking us. https://t.co/KrTXN0Q628 — Peter Hitchens (@ClarkeMicah) May 5, 2020
People had thoughts – and they were happy to share.
1.
Germans are not contagious Peter. https://t.co/qQoTtqk4eE — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) May 5, 2020
2.
My granddad went to his local during WW2 and caught V2 Rocket off the local chimney sweep. He then passed it onto my grandmother and they both exploded after 8 days of no symptoms If only they'd stayed at home https://t.co/4Js8ugfSwH — Lockdown Cock (@Cockleonius) May 5, 2020
3.
Noone coughed Nazis at each other, Peter. — Dr Benjamin Janaway (@drjanaway) May 5, 2020
4.
The blackout, Peter. — Al Murray – DKMS.ORG.UK (@almurray) May 5, 2020
5.
I'm sure if people sneezed bombs at each other, they'd have shut everything down pretty fucking quick, you absolute roaster. https://t.co/IwLTMvEC2h — Crutters (@CruttersJnr) May 5, 2020
Designer, @RussInCheshire took the analogy to its illogical conclusion.
This is as stupid as vaccinating people against being blown up. https://t.co/6JKS39P2jm — Russ (@RussInCheshire) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
A politician compared the coronavirus to the Blitz and got shot down in flames
Source Peter Hitchens Image Yoho Media screengrab


thepoke--2020-05-06--Grimes and Elon Musk welcomed baby ‘ X Æ A-12’ to the world – 9 favourite responses

As you will no doubt have seen by now , Grimes and Elon Musk have had a baby .
And @ @ @ @ @ t have missed , Musk said they ’ d given the little lad a slightly @ @ @ @ @ he ’ ll end up with something different ( who knows ? )
but it @ @ @ @ @ good jokes on Twitter .
Here are our favourites .
And just in case you @ @ @ @ @ means , Grimes was on hand to help clear everything up .
Except this explanation @ @ @ @ @ surely .
People enjoyed Elon Musk ’ s takedown of the guy who said he @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
As you will no doubt have seen by now, Grimes and Elon Musk have had a baby.
Mom & baby all good — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 5, 2020
And as you also won’t have missed, Musk said they’d given the little lad a slightly unusual name.
X Æ A-12 Musk — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 5, 2020
Chances are he’ll end up with something different (who knows?) but it did prompt lots of very good jokes on Twitter. Here are our favourites.
1.
grimes to her baby: can you say mama? say mama! X Æ A-12 Musk: pic.twitter.com/zzmPvIbVlf — communal black turtleneck (@edenmp4) May 5, 2020
2.
“Name please”
“X Æ A-12”
“Sorry didn’t catch that”
“X Æ”
“X A”
“No, X Æ”
“X E”
“No, Æ as in the ligature representing the Latin diphthong ae then A-12 like the A-road -”
“I’m just going to write your parents were cunts” https://t.co/5OyOKPuwlR — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 5, 2020
3.
the doctor walking into Grimes’ delivery room as she gives birth to X Æ A-12 pic.twitter.com/sRHZFv2XOx — jake faris (@fake_jaris) May 5, 2020
4.
elon musk really named his child after the wifi password — randy (@randypaint) May 5, 2020
5.
The moment you learn your dad named you X Æ A-12 pic.twitter.com/vSAkYMMJvb — Fandom (@getFANDOM) May 5, 2020
6.
A stark reminder that the name ‘Bernard’ has gone out of fashion for newborns. https://t.co/u9RbefHbbx — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) May 5, 2020
7.
Elon Musk and Grimes’s son in the nursery pic.twitter.com/1Bj9Nf9rPr — Macks (@maxholcomb0) May 5, 2020
8.
Elon Musk introducing his kids pic.twitter.com/4OI26pxkrr — Screen Junkies (@screenjunkies) May 5, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-05-06--“This is peak humour I will not hear any different”

A post by a tweeter named Holly has gone viral because – well , look at it .
The puns @ @ @ @ @ but they are evergreen .
People replied to Holly with more of the same – @ @ @ @ @ with Murder Hornets still buzzing around the news … If you want to find more @ @ @ @ @ to PunHub on Facebook .
These 22 bad puns are frankly so terrible they ’ @ @ @ @

Pics
A post by a tweeter named Holly has gone viral because – well, look at it.
this is peak humour i will not hear any different. pic.twitter.com/YAFmvTYvtK — ✮ holly (@hdebeaufort) May 4, 2020
The puns aren’t new, but they are evergreen.
People replied to Holly with more of the same – like these.
Finally, with Murder Hornets still buzzing around the news …
If you want to find more like these, head over to PunHub on Facebook.
READ MORE
These 22 bad puns are frankly so terrible they’re kind of brilliant
Source Holly Image Holly


thepoke--2020-05-06--Matt Hancock didn’t like Dr Rosena Allin-Khan’s tone and these 9 people didn’t like his

The House of Commons saw tempers fray when Dr Rosena Allin-Khan , a member of the Shadow Health team , @ @ @ @ @ for the government ’ s handling of coronavirus testing .
Dr. Allin-Khan , who is @ @ @ @ @ doctor , wasn ’ t the only person unhappy at the Health Secretary ’ s @ @ @ @ @ t wait for the tracing app .
13 favourite things people said about this weird @ @ @

Twitter
The House of Commons saw tempers fray when Dr Rosena Allin-Khan, a member of the Shadow Health team, took Matt Hancock to task for the government’s handling of coronavirus testing.
Watch what happened.
I will respectfully challenge the Government – I want our country to succeed. However, I will not 'watch my tone' when dozens of NHS and care staff are dying unnecessarily. A clip of my Q to the Health Sec today. pic.twitter.com/5jjQRXyIm3 — Dr Rosena Allin-Khan (@DrRosena) May 5, 2020
Dr. Allin-Khan, who is an NHS A&E doctor, wasn’t the only person unhappy at the Health Secretary’s rebuke.
1.
Matt Hancock proving once again that, while contracting Covid-19 can ruin or end your career, testing positive for being an absolute fucknugget every day you exist causes you zero harm under Tory rule. — Emily Howlett (@EHowlett) May 5, 2020
2.
Tone-policing an A&E doctor who has recent front line experience about the response to the virus is a really, *really* bad look. Hancock is being chippy and patronising because that's the only option he has. He knows the response has been woeful & he's too arrogant to admit it. https://t.co/1fQ1H6q0T3 — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) May 5, 2020
3.
There is no "tone." @DrRosena asks a completely straightforward question in a completely straightforward manner and @MattHancock's tells her off, as if she's been rude or shrill or perhaps even just a woman asking a difficult question. https://t.co/HTkuVwe2Cr — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 5, 2020
4.
Difficult to imagine how Matt Hancock could have come out of this exchange worse, unless he'd literally willycoptered during her question https://t.co/9P6Gv8aTfH — Rick Burin (@rickburin) May 5, 2020
5.
What are the rules, are we allowed to ask questions about why we’ve got the second highest death toll in the world or is the tone of that question not to the health secretary’s liking? https://t.co/MK9menBXQu — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 5, 2020
6.
As UK reports world’s second-highest death toll, some wonder if moving forwards Matt Hancock should be mindful of his tone. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 5, 2020
7.
If you see Matt Hancock clapping for healthcare workers this Thursday just remember he told an NHS doctor working two jobs to watch her tone when she raised the issue of staff safety — Ben (@BenJolly9) May 5, 2020
8.
The Tooting Popular Front stand fully behind the MP for Tooting, Dr Rosena Allin-Khan after her exchange with the creepy Matt Hancock. Come the revolution, Matty. Come the revolution.. — Wolfie. 🖐 (@Tpopularfront) May 5, 2020
9.
Good Lord. You delivered that eloquently, clearly, succinctly and professionally. You asked the right question in the right way. Matt Hancock on the other hand…Good Grief!!! Talk about off tone!! https://t.co/cu5n7D7K1h — Deborah Meaden (@DeborahMeaden) May 5, 2020
We can’t wait for the tracing app.
Matt Hancock’s new tracing app will also be able to tell you if you are a woman with an opinion to mind your tone — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
13 favourite things people said about this weird Matt Hancock photo
Source Dr Rosena Allin-Khan Image Dr Rosena Allin-Khan


thepoke--2020-05-05--Only 5 responses you need to Olly Murs’ most unfortunate Pringles prank on his girlfriend

We haven ’ t thought about Olly Murs since that unfortunate incident when he tweeted about hearing gunshots in Selfridges @ @ @ @ @ weren ’ t any gunshots ) and got into a very enjoyable row with Piers @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve had no choice but to think about him again after he trended on @ @ @ @ @ prank on his girlfriend Amelia tank with a tube of Pringles .
We only came @ @ @ @ @ but just in case you want to see what he was up to .
Piers @ @ @ @ @ Murs about causing Twitter panics and it feels very 2017

Twitter
We haven’t thought about Olly Murs since that time he tweeted about hearing gunshots in Selfridges in central London (there weren’t any gunshots) and got into a very enjoyable row with Piers Morgan.
Anyway, we’ve had no choice but to think about him again after he trended on Twitter for playing this NSFW prank on his girlfriend Amelia tank with a tube of Pringles.
We only came here for the comments, but just in case you want to see what he was up to.
And our 5 favourite responses.
Bet Simon Cowell never thought he’d make Olly Murs famous only for him to end up shoving his dick in a Pringles tube for entertainment. Coronavirus is hitting celebs hard. pic.twitter.com/SrvlFkejbz — Joe (@JoeSaunders) May 5, 2020
If you'd have told me last year that 2020 would consist of a global pandemic and Olly Murs would stick his penis in a Pringle's can out of boredom I'd have thought you were insane but here we are — lou (@lou_tredaway) May 5, 2020
What Olly Murs thinks he needed Vs. What Olly Murs actually needed. pic.twitter.com/76lhQeV4HL — Bacardi Oakheart (@Midgetgems26) May 5, 2020
If Olly Murs wasn't a singer he'd have been a can of Lynx Africa — GeorgeWeahsCousin (@WeahsCousin) May 5, 2020
It’s not even 9am and olly murs has ruined my day. Never checking why a celeb is trending again pic.twitter.com/dC05QCxQQT — Michael Clothier (@MitchLR) May 5, 2020
In short …
olly murs putting his dick in a pringles tub just completely and finally ruined my night pic.twitter.com/yfJVkU5Njz — charlie (@jojostiddies) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
Piers Morgan is rowing with Olly Murs about causing Twitter panics and it feels very 2017
Source Olly Murs


thepoke--2020-05-05--15 of the funniest takes we’ve seen on pandemic life

We hope you ’ re all coping as well as possible under the new and unusual living conditions .
You @ @ @ @ @ more about the coronavirus and lockdown life could make you feel better , but it @ @ @ @ @ re reading is a bunch of jokes and funny observations – like these .

Twitter
We hope you’re all coping as well as possible under the new and unusual living conditions.
You may not think that reading more about the coronavirus and lockdown life could make you feel better, but it can when what you’re reading is a bunch of jokes and funny observations – like these.
1.
BREAKING: Matt Hancock delivers his 100,000th daily coronavirus briefing*. *Number includes appearances he has yet to make, but has the capacity to. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 4, 2020
2.
May is just this month's abbreviated name. The full name is May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor. — A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 4, 2020
3.
I think Matt Hancock is missing a trick by not making the coronavirus app only usable by people on 5G. — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) May 4, 2020
4.
Social distancing has its perks. No one has asked me if I want to hold their baby in months. — αʳ εг (@arwenlothbrok) May 5, 2020
5.
Everyone should still be staying at home except my neighbor’s kids who should be forced into mining or millwork. — Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) May 3, 2020
6.
We need to find a cure.
This is getting serious pic.twitter.com/yHxcjQ2MD3 — joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 1, 2020
7.
COVID: I can wipe out a lot of you if you don't take me seriously ACTUAL HUMAN PEOPLE: I accept that because I want a haircut — Michael 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) May 3, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-05-05--Whoever it was took this ‘Bluetooth hose’ seriously wins our facepalm of the week

And facepalm of the week goes to … ‘ He got a wired one with less interrupted streaming.
’ zaczacx @ @ @ @ @ seriously unexpected turn

Pics
And facepalm of the week goes to …
It’s safe to assume they didn’t.
‘He got a wired one with less interrupted streaming.’ zaczacx
READ MORE
This Tinder chat took a seriously unexpected turn
Source Reddit u/maroxtn


thepoke--2020-05-05--This Tinder chat took a seriously unexpected turn

When you make a joke on Tinder and their answer turns out to be totally serious .
‘ Took an @ @ @ @ @ u/Confused_Peach over on Reddit .

Weird World
When you make a joke on Tinder and their answer turns out to be totally serious.
‘Took an unexpected turn,’ said u/Confused_Peach over on Reddit.
‘Well better not aggravate her then …’ car_freak1
READ MORE
Simply 12 very funny Tinder exchanges
Source Reddit u/Confused_Peach