thepoke--2020-07-16--Michael Gove’s maskless Pret visit caused a government u-turn – 11 funniest reactions

Mere days after stating that it wasn ’ t necessary to make mask-wearing compulsory in shops because people would do @ @ @ @ @ , Michael Gove was seen in Pret without a mask .
The government could have @ @ @ @ @ do that until the 24th of July , or they could have asked him to @ @ @ @ @ , they did this : Amidst a wave of unavoidable Barnard Castle déjà vu , @ @ @ @ @ to say about it .
Finally , comedy writer James Henry saw a way to @ @ @ @ @ .
Simply 13 perfect tweets for anyone who refuses to wear a mask in shops

Twitter
Mere days after stating that it wasn’t necessary to make mask-wearing compulsory in shops because people would do it out of common sense, Michael Gove was seen in Pret without a mask.
The government could have said he was entitled to do that until the 24th of July, or they could have asked him to explain his decision.
Instead, they did this:
After Michael Gove was pictured without a face covering in a Pret A Manger, Boris Johnson’s spokesman says masks will not be required when buying takeaway food. — Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) July 15, 2020
Amidst a wave of unavoidable Barnard Castle déjà vu, people had a few things to say about it.
1.
Dominic Raab: *is pictured spitting into the hummus at the Waitrose deli counter* Boris Johnson: “Everyone may now gob into dips.” https://t.co/4vTiMBvNq4 — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) July 15, 2020
2.
We’re about two gaffes away from them announcing it’s fine to inject coronavirus juice into your diabetic gran. My money is on Grayling. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 15, 2020
3.
I shit you not. This is now how policy is being made https://t.co/MQcr8Hixia — Aodhán Michael Connolly (@MichaelAodhan) July 15, 2020
4.
The govt guidelines are clear: Whatever Michael Gove does wrong today you can do it tomorrow. — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 15, 2020
5.
Honestly, this is such bullshit. Michael Gove should have to wear a mask even when at home, incase someone accidentally glimpses his face through the window. https://t.co/oxTdlt7aoI — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) July 15, 2020
6.
Love 2 live in a country where the terrible gvt keeps rowing back its basic pandemic precaution rules every time one of them gets caught breaking them, because letting more of us die is preferable to one of them experiencing a consequence https://t.co/4onS3zTS4z — Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) July 15, 2020
7.
But only on Tuesdays, before noon. On Thursdays, when the moon is full, no clothes are needed at all, but only in parts of greater London. On Fridays, food is free, but only if you have a mask. Wednesday, we scream. Monday is Wednesday now. https://t.co/u1W5HMgyLY — Dr. Karen Gregory (@claudiakincaid) July 15, 2020
8.
Maybe Gove had popped into Pret for an eye test. https://t.co/5Qnj6os29a — Otto English (@Otto_English) July 15, 2020
9.
Just to be clear – buy a sandwich in Tesco, mask. Buy a sandwich at Pret A Manger, no mask. Buy a sandwich as a government minister, don’t worry we will change the guidance to suit you. pic.twitter.com/Xr2tfIs7JU — Jonathan Brash (@JonathanBrash) July 15, 2020
10.
Stay at home, but go to work you lazy cowards. Use buses, but avoid public transports you morons. Wear a mask in shops, but no you idiots, not that kind of shop.
I'm tired https://t.co/FkpLagtS8F — Martha (@marthaunplugged) July 15, 2020
11.
If you or I break the rules we get punished. But not Cummings, not Jenrick, not Gove. Only the little people. https://t.co/H4qw9vIm6B — Jo Maugham QC (@JolyonMaugham) July 15, 2020
Finally, comedy writer James Henry saw a way to turn it to his advantage.
Can someone get Gove to go in a Games Workshop and grab a copy of the Craven King mini I really like and walk out without paying so that could be legal now. https://t.co/At9qjVp0nJ — James Henry (@james_blue_cat) July 15, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 13 perfect tweets for anyone who refuses to wear a mask in shops
Source Adam Bienkov Image @anntre on Unsplash Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-15--It took us a long time to get our head round this woman’s massive head

This is just a wonderful spot shared by @ jamieeast on Twitter , a woman ’ s outfit that makes @ @ @ @ @ s got a massive head .
Or maybe , you know , she ’ s @ @ @ @ @ head .
We can ’ t stop looking – or laughing .
Us too .
@ @ @ @ @ ’ re still wondering , here she is in close ( ish ) up .
@ @ @ @ @ what it appears to be and it ’ s blowing people ’ s minds

Pics
This is just a wonderful spot shared by @jamieeast on Twitter, a woman’s outfit that makes it look like she’s got a massive head.
Or maybe, you know, she’s just got a very big head.
Massive head or confusing lapels? pic.twitter.com/HUKdQcMNww — Jamie East (@jamieeast) July 15, 2020
We can’t stop looking – or laughing.
‘Like something from Mars Attacks,’ said @Modhabobo. ‘omg LOL THIS FULLY GOT ME,’ said @zoelondondj
Us too. And just in case you’re still wondering, here she is in close (ish) up.
READ MORE
This field isn’t what it appears to be and it’s blowing people’s minds
Source @jamieeast


thepoke--2020-07-15--Matt Hancock and his ukulele is precisely the escape we needed today

Over on Twitter the great @ Darren_Dutton has been working his magic again , this time with Matt Hancock ’ @ @ @ @ @ today .
It went viral , really viral , and here are just some of @ @ @ @ @ about it .
They ’ ve got that right .
It was also Darren who @ @ @ @ @ much more besides .
Follow @ Darren_Dutton on Twitter now !

Videos
Over on Twitter the great @Darren_Dutton has been working his magic again, this time with Matt Hancock’s appearance on Sky News today.
I've had enough of Matt Hancock bringing his ukelele to interviews pic.twitter.com/wDt2zguSzN — Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) July 15, 2020
It went viral, really viral, and here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
This is now the only way i can deal with reality: https://t.co/Z1ARBzO7Ku — Shaun Keaveny (@shaunwkeaveny) July 15, 2020
I can't stop watching this. This is better than anything the man has ever said. — Sam Prentice (@sptwofive) July 15, 2020
This is perfect. And made more perfect because of Kay’s expression. https://t.co/hvngQiRhDQ — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) July 15, 2020
🎶Now I go makin’ widows to
🇬🇧earn an dishonest bob🎵
🏛For a dozy [email protected] it's an
🧪interestin' job… 💴🦠🕸
🎶
⚱I'll climb this blinkin' ladder
Till I get right to the top… 🤡✨
Tory policies, thousands🕸
dead‼📉📈🦠
🎵
When I'm makin’widows‼🎶
🕸
⚰🌺
🍂🎵 — 🕊Dingbat Deblish🏴☠ (@Mumbleviii) July 15, 2020
They’ve got that right. It was also Darren who did this.
next slide please pic.twitter.com/yTDC7z3qye — Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) May 31, 2020
And this.
Is it just me or did Matt Hancock sign off like an 80s tv quiz show host in today's briefing? pic.twitter.com/T8V4jfC0gr — Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) June 8, 2020
And so much more besides. Follow @Darren_Dutton on Twitter now!
READ MORE
‘Want to lose weight? Watch this inspirational video’
Source @Darren_Dutton


thepoke--2020-07-15--Yvette Cooper’s forensic dismantling of Priti Patel is quite the watch

Here ’ s Yvette Cooper , chair of the House of Commons home affairs committee , trying to work out @ @ @ @ @ she ’ s doing .
Specifically , she ’ s trying to find out if @ @ @ @ @ many people coming into the country are likely to have coronavirus .
And the answer @ @ @ @ @ watch for yourself .
And just a few of the things people were saying about @ @

Videos
Here’s Yvette Cooper, chair of the House of Commons home affairs committee, trying to work out if Priti Patel knows what she’s doing.
Specifically, she’s trying to find out if the home secretary knows how many people coming into the country are likely to have coronavirus.
And the answer, well, have a watch for yourself.
"None of you are able to explain an assessment of the number of people coming into the country with coronavirus" Chair of the Home Affairs Committee Yvette Cooper questions Home Secretary Priti Patel on how many people are coming to the UK with Covid-19https://t.co/pMBFKcc16f pic.twitter.com/Rf9k6IdYFb — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) July 15, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
https://twitter.com/miffythegamer/status/1283376960106881026?s=20
If you’d like a preview of what a shitshow the inquiry is going to be pic.twitter.com/1lMpD66obl — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 15, 2020
https://twitter.com/JohnWest_JAWS/status/1283406189892644866?s=20
Good grief. Nice to see the government held to account at these committee meetings but my god what a exposure of how utterly inept the Home Secretary is, and perhaps a glimpse of how scared the senior civil service is of her and her cronies. A sad testament of where we are today. — Barbara Carter🕸 (@Springborn21) July 15, 2020
Good leadership has never been so important. But this government is asleep at the wheel. Watch and weep.pic.twitter.com/nfHNuWDv87 — David Lammy (@DavidLammy) July 15, 2020
Last word to Yvette Cooper.
Asked Home Office today for the figures behind its quarantine policy, in particular for Govt’s estimate of the number of people currently arriving in UK with Covid19. From these confused answers it seems Home Office neither knows nor has ever asked for those figures https://t.co/30EYzhnNQA — Yvette Cooper (@YvetteCooperMP) July 15, 2020
Source @BBCPolitics


thepoke--2020-07-15--Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins comeback of the day after Donald Trump called her ‘not talented’

Today ’ s winner of comeback of the day is congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez , who took to Twitter after Donald @ @ @ @ @ ‘ not talented in many ways ’ .
Here ’ s the so-called president trying @ @ @ @ @ words out in the right order .
But the best response came from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @ @ @ @ @ takedown of a Trump fan who criticised Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for blowing bubbles

Twitter
Today’s winner of comeback of the day is congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who took to Twitter after Donald Trump told reporters she was ‘not talented in many ways’.
Here’s the so-called president trying his best to get the words out in the right order.
Trump: AOC, a young woman not talented in many ways pic.twitter.com/5czXJJ5N4U — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) July 14, 2020
It’s fair to say people weren’t overly impressed.
The extremely low energy of the delivery is notable, but my favorite part is how pleased Trump is with himself by thinking up, over the course of several seconds, the miserably generic and lame insult "not talented." — Max Kennerly (@MaxKennerly) July 14, 2020
Imagine being so insecure as President that you repeatedly elevate a 1st term congresswoman to boogie-woman status. Like her or hate her you probably didn’t know of her until major players started citing her as the devil. Same goes for almost the whole ‘squad’ — Fainting_Goat (@Rick5342x) July 14, 2020
But the best response came from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez herself.
A man whose entire life was built on a rich blend of daddy’s money and financial fraud accuses me, daughter of a house cleaner who won multiple elections to Congress by the age of 30, of not having talent. 🤣 You can tell from his delivery that even HE doesn’t believe it. 😂 https://t.co/blUMByAGjk — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) July 14, 2020
Boom.
READ MORE
Simply the perfect takedown of a Trump fan who criticised Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for blowing bubbles
Source @AOC


thepoke--2020-07-15--Burger King just flame grilled Kanye West after he ‘dropped out’ of the 2020 presidential race

It ’ s only 10 days or so since Kanye West announced his surprise candidacy in the 2020 race for @ @ @ @ @ less surprising than his initial announcement are the reports today that he has now dropped @ @ @ @ @ shortage of funny responses .
But one of the best came from an unlikely source @ @ @ @ @ And it ’ s not even the American Burger King .
Kanye says he ’ @ @ @ @ @ the reactions couldn ’ t have been stronger – 14 favourites

Twitter
It’s only 10 days or so since Kanye West announced his surprise candidacy in the 2020 race for the White House.
Possibly less surprising than his initial announcement are the reports today that he has now dropped out.
Kanye West 'drops out' of 2020 presidential race https://t.co/Rs4tVeIy4a — The Independent (@Independent) July 15, 2020
NO!
There was no shortage of funny responses.
This is disappointing. He fought a great campaign for very nearly 12 days. https://t.co/kH5qjLxuR2 — Mask Watson (@watsoncomedian) July 15, 2020
Ye of little faith https://t.co/P1cxcwNLT0 — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) July 15, 2020
God told him to do it just over a week ago, now God is telling him not to do it? Is God trying to waste Kanye's time or something? — Eclectic Method (@EclecticMethod) July 15, 2020
this is genuinely unexpected news *continues washing up* https://t.co/H8CKSQ6wS9 — Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) July 15, 2020
We hardly knew Ye https://t.co/hV93xJLynY — Dorian Lynskey (@Dorianlynskey) July 15, 2020
But one of the best came from an unlikely source, you might think. And it’s not even the American Burger King.
Flame grilled.
READ MORE
Kanye says he’s running for president and the reactions couldn’t have been stronger – 14 favourites
Source @BurgerKingUK


thepoke--2020-07-15--‘Want to lose weight? Watch this inspirational video’

A must-watch inspirational video for anyone who may want to shed a pound or two , shared by @ KateOfTarragon @ @ @ @ @ was originally posted on TikTok by Tami Dewar who you can find here .
This @ @ @ @ @ is 2020 in a nutshell

Videos
A must-watch inspirational video for anyone who may want to shed a pound or two, shared by @KateOfTarragon on Twitter.
Want to lose weight? Watch this inspirational video. pic.twitter.com/JHy1WW2qeb — KatharineOfTarragon (@KateOfTarragon) July 14, 2020
Boom.
The video was originally posted on TikTok by Tami Dewar who you can find here.
I just spit out my water laughing.
Bloody brilliant.
Both gorgeous and very funny. — Drag me to Hell (@funkopopaddict4) July 15, 2020
Hahaha she’s in the background eating still 😂 — john pyke (@johnnykwango78) July 14, 2020
Well done captain obvious. — It’s All Banter (@BanterGirl69) July 15, 2020
READ MORE
This TV shoot gone hilariously wrong is 2020 in a nutshell
Source Tami Dewar @KateOfTarragon


thepoke--2020-07-15--This very funny thread is the perfect retort to anti-maskers who say they’re bad for their health

Despite all the obvious benefits of wearing a face mask during the pandemic – for you and everybody else – @ @ @ @ @ people who balk at the idea , saying they ’ re uncomfortable and even bad @ @ @ @ @ while lots of people have pointed out how surgeons ( and many other professions ) @ @ @ @ @ and not pass out , no-one does it in quite the style that @ CharlTaylorPage @ @ @ @ @ s a very funny read and the perfect retort for anti-maskers everywhere .
And this @ @ @ @ @ , we think that ’ s what he ’ s doing – just made it @ @ @ @ @ @ ChrisHewitt for flagging it .

Twitter
Despite all the obvious benefits of wearing a face mask during the pandemic – for you and everybody else – there remains a minority of people who balk at the idea, saying they’re uncomfortable and even bad for your health.
And while lots of people have pointed out how surgeons (and many other professions) manage to wear a mask and not pass out, no-one does it in quite the style that @CharlTaylorPage does here.
It’s a very funny read and the perfect retort for anti-maskers everywhere.
Masks stop you getting oxygen which is why you see surgeons regularly keeling over the operating table. Brides fainting halfway down the aisle. Hijabi women just passed the fuck out. Dental hygienists falling face first into your gaping mouth. Cowboys falling off their horses — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Knife-crime is not the biggest killer of kids in gangs they are actually just dropping dead from wearing bandanas over their face — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
You thought this was just slightly off-beat Saturday evening telly? All those celebrities are dead now pic.twitter.com/AbrfewT9ae — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
When your kid runs up to hug Mickey Mouse in the parade? The actor inside that costume is already dead — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Jim Carrey died filming the 1994 film The Mask. The lesser known sequel Son of the Mask is a dead parent revenge story. Like a green Batman. Batman is fine because his mask does not cover his mouth or nose — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Every halloween hundreds of masked trick or treaters knock on your doors begging for sweets. You think the zombie ghost is a costume but you would be wrong — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Slipknot? All dead now. Insane Clown Posse are thriving. Make you think — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
The wrestler Kane is literally AND canonically dead. That is why his brother is The Undertaker. Wake up sheeple — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
No need to remember the combo for Flying Dragon Fire Kick, the deoxygenation from that mask will finish him off nicely pic.twitter.com/HSdPr2S4GU — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Masked Balls are sponsored by Big Cremator — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
(I just found out one of the guys from Slipknot actually did die so you can replace them with Mushroomhead if you get that reference or idk Phantom of the Opera, is that guy still alive?) — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Pussy Riot? Now you know why we never hear from those guys anymore — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
When they said all your heroes are dead they meant Spiderman, Daredevil, Ant Man, The Flash, Wolverine, Ironman and those kids from PJ Masks who died due to decreased oxygen saturation — Charlotte (@CharlTaylorPage) July 14, 2020
Bravo!
And this guy mansplaining – at least, we think that’s what he’s doing – just made it better.
There have been tests about blood oxygen levels while wearing masks, the theme parks did them, for example, and there was no change. Essentially wearing masks has no detrimental effects on oxygen intake at all — Daniel Wood (@JustDanWood) July 14, 2020
There have been tests about blood oxygen levels while wearing masks, the theme parks did them, for example, and there was no change. Essentially wearing masks has no detrimental effects on oxygen intake at all — Daniel Wood (@JustDanWood) July 14, 2020
And thanks to @ChrisHewitt for flagging it.
This is an utterly, utterly glorious thread. https://t.co/RUSSf3uAup — Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) July 15, 2020
READ MORE
Best mask-bra analogy you’ll read this week
Source @CharlTaylorPage Images Pixabay Pixabay


thepoke--2020-07-17--This shop’s unusual face mask policy wins facepalm of the week

There ’ s been no shortage of inventive shop signs telling customers they have to wear a mask .
This @ @ @ @ @ but for rather different reasons .
It ’ s not particularly inventive , but that @ @ @ @ @ of it .
‘ As an American , I just want to point out this @ @ @ @ @ ( for once ) .
The payment card logos on the window for Maestro and @ @ @ @ @ cards .
Seems like this is in the UK or elsewhere.
’ mredofcourse ‘ Unfortunately @ @ @ @ @ my fellow Glaswegian idiots this time !
’ nicoleface

Weird World
There’s been no shortage of inventive shop signs telling customers they have to wear a mask.
This shop sign also went viral but for rather different reasons. It’s not particularly inventive, but that’s only the half of it.
Americans, eh? Except …
‘As an American, I just want to point out this isn’t our idiot (for once). The payment card logos on the window for Maestro and V Pay are for non-US cards. Seems like this is in the UK or elsewhere.’ mredofcourse ‘Unfortunately it’s one of my fellow Glaswegian idiots this time!’ nicoleface
Good luck with that.
‘Guess I’ll just go somewhere else.’ joshuas193
READ MORE
Best mask-bra analogy you’ll read this week
Source Reddit u/Zulyus


thepoke--2020-07-17--People are sharing their moments of excruciating embarrassment – 23 cringeworthy favourites

It all began when a psychotherapist called Dean shared this story of when his morning didn ’ t go entirely @ @ @ @ @ re very glad he did , not only because it was a funny story in @ @ @ @ @ because it prompted other people to share their own moments of when they wanted the @ @ @ @ @ swallow them .
And they are a cringeworthy delight .

Pics
It all began when a psychotherapist called Dean shared this story of when his morning didn’t go entirely to plan.
• I’m 39-years-old
• I have two degrees
• I’m a doctor
• I’m a member of a Royal College
• I have had, unbeknownst to me, a sock up my shirt sleeve all morning — Dean (@Herne_TheHunter) July 13, 2020
We’re very glad he did, not only because it was a funny story in its own right, but because it prompted other people to share their own moments of when they wanted the ground to open up and swallow them.
And they are a cringeworthy delight.
1.
As a medically qualified lawyer I went to court and did a whole hearing with the back of my jacket covered in Winnie the Pooh stickers. — ali malsher (@AliMalsher) July 13, 2020
2.
I’m 39yrs old
I have gcse’s, btech diploma, vet nursing qualifications NVQs
I was a vet nurse now occupational therapy assistant
I once went to buy a sandwich in my break only to pull out a cat testicle with my cash that had fallen in my pocket whilst cleaning post surgery. — Kelly Ann (@KellyBarkhuizen) July 13, 2020
3.
Am not a doctor, but have 2 degrees and was standing at the train station a few years ago when I realised I had forgotten my skirt …. had spilled toothpaste on it – and taken it off to sponge off – got distracted, put coat on, grabbed bag, and forgot to put skirt back on ….. — Sína Ní Ghogáin (@sinanighogain) July 13, 2020
4.
I got through the day until lunchtime (a while ago) before someone said to me what do you have on your feet. This was a sign I needed to slow down, I didn’t even notice the difference. pic.twitter.com/uGrpspHUDF — KarenKessack RN SCPHN (SN)💙 (@KKessack) July 13, 2020
5.
I once booked an appointment at a chiropodist / podiatrist because my foot hurt. When I got there, I discovered there was a comb in my shoe. I am bald. — Tim Wilkes (@TCEW64) July 13, 2020
6.
If it makes you feel any better I put the cup of tea I made this morning in the fridge next to the milk and spent 20 minutes trying to find it — Terry Kirton (@Azzet) July 13, 2020
7.
Former teaching colleague put tampon in his jacket pocket to save wife taking a bag on a night out. Slightly red faced when he pulled it out next day to write on the board thinking it was chalk! — guernseylib (@guernseylibrary) July 13, 2020
8.
I have 2 degrees and a Masters but When I was 41 and my daughter was 3yrs old I attended a high powered meeting with a sicker on the back of my shirt that said ‘I’m a good girl’. — Martin Kelly (Won’t Be Going Out) (@disableddaddy) July 13, 2020
9.
I’m 50, deputy chief executive of a national organisation and yesterday I made this error. pic.twitter.com/AoUU3urEYi — Saffron Cordery (@Saffron_Policy) July 14, 2020
10.
I’m a doctor with a post-retirement humanities degree who once found he was wearing both of his identical stethoscopes – with one in his ears and the other on his patient’s (silent) chest. — James Willis (@JARWillis) July 14, 2020
11.
I’m thick as mince.
No degree, 5 GCSEs tho but.
I once drove to a supermarket, walked home, went outside hours later & thought my car had been stolen. Reported it, as so, to the police.
Wasn’t until a further day I remembered I’d left it at Sainsburys — Niall (@Groundhog1963) July 14, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-07-17--‘This might be the best thing ever’

‘This might be the best thing ever’

Watch and enjoy , shared by @ ianmccourt on Twitter .
And just a few of the things people were @ @ @ @ @ cat discovering it has ears is a lovely , funny watch

Videos
Watch and enjoy, shared by @ianmccourt on Twitter.
This might just be the best thing ever pic.twitter.com/hhJYWq7PAe — Ian McCourt (@ianmccourt) July 15, 2020
Here’s the lad himself.
Kid is a little legend. Positive vibes and pure craic.
The kid is Ste Brown, the track is "Noggin".
Here's the link to his track which should have been in the original tweet 😉 https://t.co/xr5rucFzRF — Garraí Mac / GMCBeats (@GMCBeats) July 16, 2020
Ste Brown – Nogginhttps://t.co/5BK008xFpt
Let's credit him for his work and direct some traffic to his page 😁 — Garraí Mac / GMCBeats (@GMCBeats) July 16, 2020
I believe @SteBrow43089954 is the guy in the video. Give him a follow. — Ian McCourt (@ianmccourt) July 16, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
This is my favourite track of the year! pic.twitter.com/5z0C65cUfL — Francis Leach (@SaintFrankly) July 16, 2020
The Notorious B.I.G is alive and well 😂😂 — Peter Williams (@p_williams_0151) July 15, 2020
Big Irish Gangster 🤷🏻♂😅 — Ciaran Sheridan (@ciaranpsheridan) July 15, 2020
READ MORE
This cat discovering it has ears is a lovely, funny watch
Source @ianmccourt


thepoke--2020-07-17--Our 25 favourite funny tweets from the last week

We ’ ve scoured Twitter to find things to entertain you , with the single rule that they couldn ’ @ @ @ @ @ pandemics or face masks of any sort , and this is what we found .
@ @ @ @ @ enjoy five minutes ’ peace .

Pics
We’ve scoured Twitter to find things to entertain you, with the single rule that they couldn’t be about viruses, pandemics or face masks of any sort, and this is what we found.
Claim yourself a seat and enjoy five minutes’ peace.
1.
If that’s how we’re pronouncing Sean Bean how the HELL are we saying meal deal? — Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) July 14, 2020
2.
Initially I just read the bit in bold and thought that Asda were holding a contest with a VERY special prize. pic.twitter.com/ttSWXuHYMZ — T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) July 14, 2020
3.
When a video pops up on YouTube & you have to explain to your kids why grandma was married to Eddie Murphy in ancient Egypt. 😂 @The_Real_IMAN pic.twitter.com/L5VasTjlzh — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) July 13, 2020
4.
My 3yo asked what my favourite animal is and when I said penguin she yelled ‘NO IT ISNT’ and then she yelled at me until I agreed that my favourite animal was a bat and I don’t like bats. Or 3 year olds. — MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 14, 2020
5.
I was in the back garden & looked up at the bedroom window.
I saw a small boy looking at me, he smiled & waved.
A chill ran down my spine then I remembered I have a 4 year old son & it was probably him — joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 15, 2020
6.
just read an article that said stray dogs will "elect" the cute dogs in the group to approach ppl cause they come back with more food. u little shits think u can manipulate me well u absolutely can here have my entire lunch — tatum (@50FirstTates) July 13, 2020
7.
they put u to sleep during surgery bc the government doesn’t want u to know that ur actually a cake — asiya (@ossiyuh) July 12, 2020
8.
There is a joke circulating in the commonwealth: "What borders on stupidity?"
"Scotland and Wales!" — Pranay Manocha (@PranMan) July 12, 2020
9.
If you can’t don't have time to watch a scary film but want to get a quick hit of that thrilling feeling, why not stare yourself straight in the mirror while you floss your teeth. There, my friend, you will find the cold eyes of a murderer who will follow you your whole life. — Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 15, 2020
10.
me trying to find out if im a cake too pic.twitter.com/GIIoz6nYej — jay (@yajpeg) July 10, 2020
11.
imagine how different your life would be if they'd built this city on 16th century Gregorian chants. — Ditz McGee 🇨🇦 (@DitzMcGeee) July 10, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-07-17--This cat discovering it has ears is a lovely, funny watch

Here ’ s 44 seconds to make your day better , a cat discovering it has ears , shared by @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s a funny , lovely watch .
This cat thought long and hard @ @ @ @

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Here’s 44 seconds to make your day better, a cat discovering it has ears, shared by @Pandamoanimum on Twitter and it’s a funny, lovely watch.
This cat discovering that it has ears is absolutely the best thing I will see today. pic.twitter.com/SDx80QOnAI — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 16, 2020
Clever cat!
sooooo cute. this is a highly intelligent cat. it seems to realize it sees itsself in the mirror ! — Maico 🇳🇱🔋🔌 (@DutchGuy9) July 16, 2020
I've read Kafka. It wasn't a cat when it went to sleep. — ra (@ra_tigger) July 16, 2020
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This cat thought long and hard about hitting this dog
Source @pandamoanimum


thepoke--2020-07-17--Sarah Cooper’s latest Trump lip-synch unpicks some prime presidential balderdash

One of the silver linings of terrible leadership has been the comedy created in response to it , and Sarah @ @ @ @ @ to ” lip-synchs are a perfect example of that .
This week , Donald Trump @ @ @ @ @ White House rose garden for what turned out to be a long , rambling campaign @ @ @ @ @ Sarah bravely rose to the challenge of trying to unpick the bones of that , @ @ @ @ @ result .
Here are a few of the reactions we thought best reflected the overall @ @ @ @ @ unfortunately – sums up how we feel when we see these lip-synchs and Michael Spicer @ @ @ @ @ sketches .
Sarah Cooper ’ s “ How to cognitive ” lip-synch shines a hilarious @ @ @ @ @ own words

Videos
One of the silver linings of terrible leadership has been the comedy created in response to it, and Sarah Cooper‘s “How to” lip-synchs are a perfect example of that.
This week, Donald Trump brought the press to the White House rose garden for what turned out to be a long, rambling campaign speech, including this:
Folks, the president is unwell. pic.twitter.com/qet3rx1tsK — Charlie Sykes (@SykesCharlie) July 15, 2020
What in the holy fuck is he even talking about here? I think I have a brain bleed from trying to decipher this shit. My god. — CrustyWearsAGoddamnMask (@jelly_snatch) July 15, 2020
Sarah bravely rose to the challenge of trying to unpick the bones of that, and this is the brilliant result.
How to immigration policy pic.twitter.com/qxjmIXPZkL — Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) July 15, 2020
Here are a few of the reactions we thought best reflected the overall response.
The best thing about Sarah Cooper’s works is that now, when I hear Donald Trump’s voice, I instantly imagine her face. https://t.co/XNsFGXjcj7 — Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) July 16, 2020
I don’t know how or why but after viewing this, I now (somehow) actually understand this speech better. — Elie Honig (@eliehonig) July 15, 2020
I mean dear gawd @sarahcpr – you are just phenomenal!!!!! Watching you is literally the only way I can stand to hear his voice. You are amazing. Perfect. Impeccable. https://t.co/Du14GD40C2 — Meredith Salenger (@MeredthSalenger) July 16, 2020
How does this bit just get sharper? She's defying comedy gravity. https://t.co/29TD1t8Fcr — Schooley (@Rschooley) July 15, 2020
This reaction – unfortunately – sums up how we feel when we see these lip-synchs and Michael Spicer‘s Room Next Door sketches.
Holy shit #sarahcooper is hilarious but THAT IS THE ACTUAL PRESIDENT OF THE USA SPEAKING. When can we wake up from this nightmare?!?!? https://t.co/FWygrUkeOH — Brooke Smith (@Iam_BrookeSmith) July 15, 2020
READ MORE
Sarah Cooper’s “How to cognitive” lip-synch shines a hilarious light on Trump’s own words
Source Sarah Cooper Image Sarah Cooper


thepoke--2020-07-17--Lockdown laughs: 11 things we’ve learnt from the pandemic

The government ’ s own Chief Science Adviser has concluded that the UK ’ s outcome has not been good @ @ @ @ @ surprise to nobody .
But what have we learnt from living in these extraordinary times @ @ @ @ @ just answer themselves 2 .
If a thing can be worse in some way – @ @ @ @ @ The government ’ s advice doesn ’ t get any clearer 5 .
Experience has @ @ @ @ @ suspicious 6 .
We ’ re not impressed by our leaders 7 .
The benefits @ @ @ @ @ varied 8 .
Some people must try harder 10 .
We ’ re beginning to @ @ @ @ @ light 11 .
We wish the government would pick a stance and stick to it @ @ @ @ @ all looking forward to the response from the Arts .
15 of the funniest posts @ @ @ @ @ living through a pandemic

Twitter
The government’s own Chief Science Adviser has concluded that the UK’s outcome has not been good, which came as a surprise to nobody.
But what have we learnt from living in these extraordinary times?
1. Some questions just answer themselves
Is it Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/7QhwkrU3oF — Sara Gibbs (@Sara_Rose_G) July 16, 2020
2. If a thing can be worse in some way – it will be
Of all the years to have 366 days in it. — John-Luke Roberts 🥕 (@jlukeroberts) July 15, 2020
3. The government’s advice doesn’t get any clearer
Tory guidelines on facemasks for England:
Don't not wear a facemask if you're on a unicycle.
You can take your facemask off if you see a ghost but only if it's a scary ghost.
Facemasks must be worn in Gregg's between St Swithins day & 27:43 pm.
Sexy nuns can do what they want — joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 16, 2020
4. Mask uptake should be encouraged
Sure, fine people who aren't wearing a mask £100, but also occasionally give some wearing a mask £1000. Like a mask lottery. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) July 15, 2020
5. Experience has taught us all to be suspicious
When we do get this coronavirus vaccine, it better not just be cake. — Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 16, 2020
6. We’re not impressed by our leaders
This country's Covid response continues to just be Zapp Brannigan shouting 'stop dying, you cowards', on a loop. — Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) July 16, 2020
7. The benefits of masks are many and varied
bad breath? wear a mask! chin pimple? wear a mask! care about the safety and health of others because you're not some kind of monster who lacks common empathy? wear a mask! — erin chack (@ErinChack) July 16, 2020
8. Some people must try harder
everyone that didn’t follow social distancing guidelines after they see lockdown 2 trending: pic.twitter.com/qEnxNWldHG — kirsten:) (@kirstenbrowwn) July 16, 2020
9. Relationships are taking the strain
This quarantine has prompted a lot of questions from my wife like "when will things get back to normal" and "when are you going back to the office" and "can you please go do that somewhere else" — Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 16, 2020
10. We’re beginning to see everything in a new light
Sorry but face masks are not an ideological attack on your personal freedom. They are lifesaving devices and, more importantly, they are little ear dungarees — Zoë Tomalin (@ZoeTomalin) July 11, 2020
11. We wish the government would pick a stance and stick to it
“Told to wear a mask on Monday
Told we didn’t have to on Tuesday
Told again to wear one on Wednesday
But not on Thursday, Friday, Saturday
We’ll be ill on Sunday”
– Craig Covid
https://t.co/oHHa1ZaWwG — David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 16, 2020
Finally, we’re all looking forward to the response from the Arts.
FILM IDEA: ‘The Mask’ Jim Carrey walks into a supermarket with an enlarged green head and spends the next hour and a half trying to explain that he is wearing one. Hilarity and a lot of frowning and finger pointing ensues. — Scott Hoad (@ScottHoad) July 16, 2020
READ MORE
15 of the funniest posts we’ve seen about living through a pandemic
Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-17--Michael Spicer’s visit to his younger self took an unexpected and very funny turn

Most people know Michael Spicer from his fabulous Room Next Door videos , which he began making last year , @ @ @ @ @ has been producing funny sketches for years without getting the plaudits he deserves .
This @ @ @ @ @ if life might have been better had he become the Room Next Door man a @ @ @ @ @ s some M.Night Shyamalan storytelling , right there .
Like Imran , we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ without Room Next Door man .
Matt Hancock ’ s been given Michael Spicer ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ treatment and it ’ s perfect

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Most people know Michael Spicer from his fabulous Room Next Door videos, which he began making last year, but the comedian and actor has been producing funny sketches for years without getting the plaudits he deserves.
This fact clearly set him wondering if life might have been better had he become the Room Next Door man a little earlier.
room next door time travel experiment pic.twitter.com/z8R5nurpaN — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 11, 2020
That’s some M.Night Shyamalan storytelling, right there.
His advice is to do a Sarah Cooper. 🙂 @sarahcpr https://t.co/Nw2OizkidE — Zen Kitty!!! (@MagyckMoon) July 11, 2020
That’s a belter — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) July 11, 2020
You never cease to amaze with your imagination and creativity 👏 👏👏 — Janet Ward🕯🇪🇺 #LREM 🇫🇷 (@JanwardWard) July 11, 2020
Imran Escobar wasn’t happy with the advice.
Nooo Michael! No amount of lip syncing will ever be better or funnier than "man in earpiece". Sarah Cooper is hilarious but you're the best! — Imran Escőbar (@razor5edge) July 11, 2020
Like Imran, we’re not here for a world without Room Next Door man.
READ MORE
Matt Hancock’s been given Michael Spicer’s ‘room next door’ treatment and it’s perfect
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-07-17--Rojo the cat’s tail was the purrfect videobomb in this MP’s Zoom meeting with parliament

SNP MP John Nicolson is just the latest in a long line of people for whom an important Zoom meeting @ @ @ @ @ – in this case , his beautiful cat , Rojo .
The feline videobomb was @ @ @ @ @ reporter Alain Tolhurst .
Twitter loved Rojo ’ s sassy appearance , even if it @ @ @ @ @ tail .
Quite right too – Rojo would be feline really annoyed if people didn @ @ @ @ @ right .
Finally , we ’ re sure you must be as curious as we @ @ @ @ @ of the impromptu parliamentary star .
That ’ s how we react to filing , @ @ @ @ @ cringeworthy accidental open mic moment at the Welsh Assembly ’ s zoom session

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SNP MP John Nicolson is just the latest in a long line of people for whom an important Zoom meeting has been interrupted by life – in this case, his beautiful cat, Rojo.
The feline videobomb was shared to Twitter by political reporter Alain Tolhurst.
Watch how Rojo made his entrance.
"Rocco, put your tail down" – Another classic entry for the Parliamentary cats on Zoom folder, this time @MrJohnNicolson at DCMS committee: pic.twitter.com/cOkRNrrlFh — Alain Tolhurst (@Alain_Tolhurst) July 14, 2020
Twitter loved Rojo’s sassy appearance, even if it was just his incredibly foxy tail.
1.
"Rocco put your tail down" – if Rocco the cat doesn't make it on to the Hansard i'll be so disappointed. pic.twitter.com/DrpfsKxQK4 — Charlie Haynes (@charliehtweets) July 14, 2020
2.
3.
4.
Cats will be cats. https://t.co/bJar2BjT5s — Stay Alert, Save Lives 🌈 (@Janela_X) July 14, 2020
5.
Ah yes, a classic WFH story — the #Zoom tail. https://t.co/cUxqn7mETq — The Hoffman Agency (@DailyBrew) July 14, 2020
Mr. Nicolson corrected the rapidly spreading misspelling.
He wants me to point out it’s Rojo. — JOHN NICOLSON M.P. (@MrJohnNicolson) July 14, 2020
Quite right too – Rojo would be feline really annoyed if people didn’t spell his name right.
Finally, we’re sure you must be as curious as we were to see the rest of the impromptu parliamentary star.
Rojo’s decided to do some filing. pic.twitter.com/1nBap6G8LM — JOHN NICOLSON M.P. (@MrJohnNicolson) July 16, 2020
That’s how we react to filing, too.
READ MORE
There was a cringeworthy accidental open mic moment at the Welsh Assembly’s zoom session
Source Alain Tolhurst Image Alain Tolhurst, John Nicolson


thepoke--2020-07-17--5 minutes and 26 seconds of Henry Cavill assembling a PC with a Barry White soundtrack – you’re welc

5 minutes and 26 seconds of Henry Cavill assembling a PC with a Barry White soundtrack – you’re welcome

Even if you haven ’ t seen the films , you ’ ll probably recognise Henry Cavill as the actor @ @ @ @ @ role of Superman , although he has an impressive acting CV aside from that .
@ @ @ @ @ about him is that he is a dedicated gamer , who almost missed out on @ @ @ @ @ was too busy playing World of Warcraft to answer the phone .
On Thursday , @ @ @ @ @ a half minute video to Instagram , showing how he assembled a PC from scratch @ @ @ @ @ soundtrack .
As you do .
So , watch at your own discretion .
On @ @ @ @ @ had almost three million views in 16 hours , at the time of writing , @ @ @ @ @ Twitter three hours after that and has been viewed almost four million times there , @ @ @ @ @ a lot of I.T .
tech fans out there .
Here ’ s how Twitter @ @ @ @ @ you can probably already guess .

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Even if you haven’t seen the films, you’ll probably recognise Henry Cavill as the actor most recently associated with the role of Superman, although he has an impressive acting CV aside from that.
What you may not realise about him is that he is a dedicated gamer, who almost missed out on the Superman role because he was too busy playing World of Warcraft to answer the phone.
On Thursday, he posted a five and a half minute video to Instagram, showing how he assembled a PC from scratch – with a Barry White soundtrack. As you do.
He included a caveat:
“This kind of material isn’t for everyone….viewer discretion is advised. You may see a lot of parts that you haven’t seen before. #PC
#AllTheParts
#AllNightLong”
So, watch at your own discretion.
On Instagram, the video has had almost three million views in 16 hours, at the time of writing, but it was shared to Twitter three hours after that and has been viewed almost four million times there, too.
There must be a lot of I.T. tech fans out there.
via Gfycat
Here’s how Twitter reacted – most of which you can probably already guess.
1.
we give our thanks to the gods https://t.co/kpm55QnkpL — The Mary Sue (@TheMarySue) July 16, 2020
2.
the fact that henry cavill can do literally anything random like building a pc and it’ll still be the hottest thing ever is just so powerful pic.twitter.com/VgFKPQlskp — a (@cavillsass) July 16, 2020
3.
Glad we all agree that the video of Henry Cavill building a pc in a tank top is NSFW pic.twitter.com/guSQrN3KUe — Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) July 16, 2020
4.
Cavill is a big nerd and life is better because of it https://t.co/SIfXPIfcdc — evil idiot hypocrite (@fascismdad) July 16, 2020
5.
Henry Cavill embodies the new ideal of working out 2 hours a day and sitting on the computer for the other 16 — Serial Experiments Ghislaine (@Rrhododendron) July 16, 2020
6.
i think my computer is broken. does anyone have henry cavill’s number? — Cathy Kelley (@catherinekelley) July 16, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-07-17--The only 5 responses you need to the government’s top scientist saying the UK coronavirus outcome is

The only 5 responses you need to the government’s top scientist saying the UK coronavirus outcome is “not good”

Sir Patrick Vallance , the government ’ s Chief Science Adviser , was questioned on the UK ’ s response @ @ @ @ @ Commons Science and Technology Committee and it wasn ’ t exactly a glowing report .
@ @ @ @ @ lock the country down a full week before it eventually did so The advice on @ @ @ @ @ in place rather than the “ go to work ” order currently in place And @ @ @ @ @ Author Matt Haig had a point to make , for the sake of scientific accuracy @ @ @

Twitter
Sir Patrick Vallance, the government’s Chief Science Adviser, was questioned on the UK’s response to the coronavirus by the Commons Science and Technology Committee and it wasn’t exactly a glowing report.
Key takeaways include:
The government was told to lock the country down a full week before it eventually did so The advice on working from home should remain in place rather than the “go to work” order currently in place
And then there was this:
Coronavirus outcome in the UK has not been good, admits chief scientific adviser https://t.co/9ag0xEsgsi — The Independent (@Independent) July 16, 2020
from Sherlock Holmes GIFs via Gfycat
Understandably, Twitter had thoughts.
1.
2.
3.
Titanic's maiden voyage had room for improvement says chief design engineer. https://t.co/Tib4CH0ccZ — Adam Lawton (@DrAdamLawton) July 16, 2020
4.
Patrick Vallance: the Covid outcome has "not been good" also Patrick Vallance: World War II was "a bit of a row"
Climate change "might melt an occasional iceberg"
Lionel Messi "can pass the ball"
Pol Pot had a "bit of an anger management issue" — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) July 16, 2020
5.
Author Matt Haig had a point to make, for the sake of scientific accuracy of course.
Well, to be fair it depends if you are a human or a virus. https://t.co/lWllGSMyyH — Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 16, 2020
READ MORE
Michael Gove’s maskless Pret visit caused a government u-turn – 11 funniest reactions
Source Independent Image @helloimnik on Unsplash Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-16--This Private Eye letter about pandemic deaths went viral because it’s so moving and important

Dr Phil Hammond shared this letter to Private Eye on Twitter and it went viral because it ’ s devastating @ @ @ @ @ Dr Hammond , an NHS doctor , is also an author , broadcaster and comic @ @ @ @ @ very own ‘ MD ’ .
Here ’ s how he introduced it .
And @ @ @ @ @ Rhys Vanstone in Cardiff .
Here are just a few of the things people said @ @ @ @ @ s much more of Dr Hammond in Private Eye ( you can follow him on @ @ @ @ @ can subscribe to it here .

Popular
Dr Phil Hammond shared this letter to Private Eye on Twitter and it went viral because it’s devastating stuff and so important.
Dr Hammond, an NHS doctor, is also an author, broadcaster and comic and Private Eye’s very own ‘MD’.
Here’s how he introduced it.
And the letter itself, from Rhys Vanstone in Cardiff.
Here are just a few of the things people said about it.
The idea of experiencing this kind of fate is why I’ll readily take every precaution with Covid-19. Wearing a mask or having to go one way in the high street feels trivial in comparison. — Matthew Williams (@MatthewW1991) July 15, 2020
That is one of the most eloquent rebuttals of the “they were going to die anyway” line I’ve read. — Snorky (@Snorkyno4) July 15, 2020
Another moving testimonial from the frontline. Read this and tell me why you don’t want to wear a mask? How much grieving for loved ones taken before their time in such a manner do you want to do?? — Mark Hart (@markhart84) July 15, 2020
There’s much more of Dr Hammond in Private Eye (you can follow him on Twitter here) and you can subscribe to it here.
Source @drphilhammond


thepoke--2020-07-17--‘A new kind of Covid-19 political poster’

‘ A new kind of COVID-19 political poster seen in my neighborhood , ’ says jcepiano over on Reddit .
@ @ @ @ @ some people worried it might not have the intended result .
‘ Why do i @ @ @ @ @ going to see “ endorses donald j trump for president ” and miss the point.
@ @ @ @ @ is exactly what will happen .
People don ’ t read for context.
’ BristolBomber @ @ @ @ @ for anyone who suggests the pandemic response was an over-reaction Source Reddit u/jcepiano

Pics
‘A new kind of COVID-19 political poster seen in my neighborhood,’ says jcepiano over on Reddit.
Wins our vote. Except some people worried it might not have the intended result.
‘Why do i feel like people are just going to see “endorses donald j trump for president” and miss the point.’ NlNTENDO ‘Because that is exactly what will happen. People don’t read for context.’ BristolBomber
READ MORE
This is the perfect comeback for anyone who suggests the pandemic response was an over-reaction
Source Reddit u/jcepiano


thepoke--2020-07-17--‘When the quiet kid has had enough and he decides to roast you’

'When the quiet kid has had enough and he decides to roast you '

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‘Quiet kids are too good at roasting,’ says AJ7123 over on Reddit.
Source Reddit u/AJ7123


thepoke--2020-07-17--‘Last 6 US presidents mid workout’

‘Last 6 US presidents mid workout’

‘ The last 6 US presidents mid workout ’ says paperplategourmet over on Reddit .
Very possibly you could see @ @ @ @ @ but it was no less satisfying for it .
And if you think someone ’ @ @ @ @ @ d be right .
Ronald Reagan preferred to ride a horse .
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump called her ‘ not talented ’

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‘The last 6 US presidents mid workout’ says paperplategourmet over on Reddit.
Very possibly you could see where it was going, but it was no less satisfying for it.
And if you think someone’s missing then you’d be right. Ronald Reagan preferred to ride a horse.
READ MORE
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins comeback of the day after Donald Trump called her ‘not talented’
Source Reddit u/paperplategourmet


thepoke--2020-07-17--‘Pouring concrete next to a duck pond. Came back after lunch to this …’

To be filed under ‘ if you ’ re having a bad day , it could be worse … ’ comes this picture shared on Reddit .
‘ A driveway crew was pouring concrete at a new house next to a duck pond .
They went to lunch and came back to this … ’ said Redditor BluestarHUS .
And that wasn ’ t all that was wrong with it , according to people who know more about this sort of stuff than us .
‘ No one leaves a pour in that state.
’ mcfarmer72 ‘ There are a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ steel in the concrete , the pour is like 2 ” thick , no compacted stone under the pour , and also no crew leaves mid pour .
You get it done , go back to the yard , and clean all the equipment ASAP .
Basically this is beyond bullshit.
’ johnny-hopscotch ‘ Came here to say this .
This was a homeowner special .
I ’ m guessing beer was involved.
’ Trumpsyeruncle And as for those ducks … People are sharing their moments of excruciating embarrassment – 23 cringeworthy favourites

Pics
To be filed under ‘if you’re having a bad day, it could be worse …’ comes this picture shared on Reddit.
‘A driveway crew was pouring concrete at a new house next to a duck pond. They went to lunch and came back to this …’ said Redditor BluestarHUS.
Oh crikey.
And that wasn’t all that was wrong with it, according to people who know more about this sort of stuff than us.
‘No one leaves a pour in that state.’ mcfarmer72 ‘There are a lot of problems here, like no steel in the concrete, the pour is like 2” thick, no compacted stone under the pour, and also no crew leaves mid pour. You get it done, go back to the yard, and clean all the equipment ASAP. Basically this is beyond bullshit.’ johnny-hopscotch ‘Came here to say this. This was a homeowner special. I’m guessing beer was involved.’ Trumpsyeruncle
And as for those ducks …
‘If you want to find the ducks, they’re at the bottom of the lake.’ Unnamed_Spectre
READ MORE
People are sharing their moments of excruciating embarrassment – 23 cringeworthy favourites
Source Reddit u/BluestarHUS


thepoke--2020-07-17--The perfect response to anyone who suggests the pandemic response was an over-reaction

Along with people who worry lockdown restrictions might be being eased too early , there are a lot of people @ @ @ @ @ way over the top in the first place .
How , for instance , can @ @ @ @ @ % mortality rate shut down an entire nation ?
Like the United States , for @ @ @ @ @ ’ s response went viral on Reddit because it ’ s so beautifully done .
@ @ @ @ @ means , ’ said bobekyrant who shared it on Reddit .
‘ I ’ m @ @ @ @ @ .
Maybe then he ’ ll actually wear his mask in public… ( We got @ @ @ @ @ so that might help too.😂 ) ’ SecretlyRissa A ‘ born and bred Scotsman ’ @ @ @ @ @ anti-maskers in their place

Popular
Along with people who worry lockdown restrictions might be being eased too early, there are a lot of people who think the lockdown was way over the top in the first place.
How, for instance, can a disease with a 1% mortality rate shut down an entire nation? Like the United States, for instance?
And this writer’s response went viral on Reddit because it’s so beautifully done.
Great work.
‘What 1% really means,’ said bobekyrant who shared it on Reddit.
‘I’m showing this to my dad. Maybe then he’ll actually wear his mask in public… (We got him a trump supporter mask so that might help too.😂)’ SecretlyRissa
READ MORE
A ‘born and bred Scotsman’ put these ‘Braveheart’ anti-maskers in their place
Source Reddit u/bobekyrant Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-07-17--A ‘born and bred Scotsman’ put these ‘Braveheart’ anti-maskers in their place

It ’ s not just that some people insist on ignoring all the evidence and advice to wear masks – @ @ @ @ @ but it ’ s also the fact that some of them make such a song @ @ @ @ @ Like this ‘ Braveheart ’ pair , for instance , who caught the attention of @ @ @ @ @ Scotsman ’ and his takedown was brutal .
‘ If he were here he ’ @ @ @ @ @ fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse , ’ said beerbellybegone @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ The amount of effort to do this shit exceeds the simple solution of @ @ @ @ @ a few hours.
’ zeroinz ‘ It ’ s also ironic because Braveheart is considered @ @ @ @ @ inaccurate movies ever made , if not the most .
In fact the only thing @ @ @ @ @ is their belief that wearing a mask is tyranny.
’ Jarrydd2510 And just in case @ @ @ @ @ shop ’ s unusual face mask policy wins facepalm of the week

Pics
It’s not just that some people insist on ignoring all the evidence and advice to wear masks – well, it is – but it’s also the fact that some of them make such a song and dance about it.
Like this ‘Braveheart’ pair, for instance, who caught the attention of a ‘born and bred Scotsman’ and his takedown was brutal.
‘If he were here he’d consume these morons with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse,’ said beerbellybegone who shared it on Reddit.
‘The amount of effort to do this shit exceeds the simple solution of wearing a small fabric for a few hours.’ zeroinz ‘It’s also ironic because Braveheart is considered one of the most historically inaccurate movies ever made, if not the most. In fact the only thing more inaccurate than the movie is their belief that wearing a mask is tyranny.’ Jarrydd2510
And just in case you were wondering …
‘Scots didn’t actually wear blue paint thats Braveheart pish. It was the Picts that wore blue body.’ Scotsmann
READ MORE
This shop’s unusual face mask policy wins facepalm of the week
Source Reddit u/beerbellybegone


thepoke--2020-07-18--Our 15 favourite funny things people said about the Queen knighting Captain – SIR – Tom

After raising more than £33 million for the NHS by walking 100 lengths of his garden , 100-year-old Captain Sir @ @ @ @ @ a knighthood by the Queen , in her first public ( ish ) engagement since @ @ @ @ @ how the Royal Family Twitter account reported it .
And this was the message on @ @ @ @ @ s Twitter .
Of course , the image presented quite the inspiration to Twitter ’ @ @ @ @ @ these were the best reactions we saw .

Twitter
After raising more than £33 million for the NHS by walking 100 lengths of his garden, 100-year-old Captain Sir Tom Moore has been awarded a knighthood by the Queen, in her first public (ish) engagement since lockdown.
Here’s how the Royal Family Twitter account reported it.
Arise, Captain Sir Thomas Moore! Today The Queen conferred the Honour of Knighthood on @captaintommoore at an Investiture at #WindsorCastle. pic.twitter.com/hukR1jAc8Y — The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) July 17, 2020
And this was the message on Captain Sir Thomas Moore’s Twitter.
Thank you @RoyalFamily.
I have been overwhelmed by the many honours I have received over the past weeks, but there is simply nothing that can compare to this, I am overwhelmed with pride and joy. #WindsorCastle https://t.co/gf8IJ1kVkk — Captain Tom Moore (@captaintommoore) July 17, 2020
Of course, the image presented quite the inspiration to Twitter’s funny people, and these were the best reactions we saw.
1.
Unfair. He should have a sword too. pic.twitter.com/LRJdIqpf91 — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) July 17, 2020
2.
Should explain the knighting ceremony for non-UK folk: The long sword is being used for coronavirus social distancing, traditionally she would just shank him. pic.twitter.com/l1nBcIfzWj — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 17, 2020
3.
Imagine how we'd lose our shit if he turned out to be cake! pic.twitter.com/b8CEdQzUXX — Mao'lana Spits (@antifatwa) July 18, 2020
4.
The 2m sword was at the polishers so she used the 1m one but at arms length. https://t.co/qUroKLfTVi — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) July 17, 2020
5.
This is like watching a really one-sided Robot Wars pic.twitter.com/RbTlm5MtKs — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) July 17, 2020
6.
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine pic.twitter.com/tol7qlHiYt — Paul (@bingowings14) July 17, 2020
7.
Christ. The Queen doesn’t fuck about when it comes to social distancing, does she? pic.twitter.com/GiSq8pbuzV — Alistair Barrie (@AlistairBarrie) July 17, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-07-20--This amazing video of ‘birds with arms’ has been viewed over 8m times because… well, have a look

This video by the amazingly talented Curly Kid Life on Twitter has racked up an astonishing 8.6m views and it @ @ @ @ @ seconds we ’ ve spent this week .
If you ’ ve ever wondered what @ @ @ @ @ like if they had arms ( and who amongst us hasn ’ t ? )
@ @ @ @ @ wonderful answer… We also love his ‘ behind the scenes ’ footage of Disney ’ @ @ @ @ @ …

Pics
This video by the amazingly talented Curly Kid Life on Twitter has racked up an astonishing 8.6m views and it’s the best 27 seconds we’ve spent this week. If you’ve ever wondered what birds would look and act like if they had arms (and who amongst us hasn’t?), then here is the wonderful answer…
If birds had arms… pic.twitter.com/ldawyC9Ibh — Curly Kid Life (@Curlykidlife) July 16, 2020
We also love his ‘behind the scenes’ footage of Disney’s classic ‘Bambi’…


thepoke--2020-07-20--WATCH: Peter Crouch encourage Liverpool fans to celebrate safely in ‘human hamster balls’

Paddy Power have today released witty , tongue-in-cheek PSA – advising football fans how to celebrate safely .
With the Premier League title set to be lifted this week – the bookmaker has produced a video guide fronted by Peter Crouch .
It comes after celebrating fans were criticised earlier in the season for ignoring social distancing guidelines .
The PSA features ‘ the world ’ s most COVID-compliant football party ’ , on arrival , fans were zipped into self-contained , two-metre high ‘ human hamster balls ’ , to ensure they could celebrate as much as they liked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s COVID-19 protection rules .
Additional precautions included fans being sprayed from top to bottom in disinfectant on entry to the pub by officials in hazmat suits , plus all drinks were consumed strictly within the confines of the giant , oxygen-filled , PVC bubbles .
Peter Crouch said : “ It ’ s only natural that football fans will want to celebrate their team ’ s success , especially if they ’ ve been waiting for a long time for it .
But , clearly , it ’ s important that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when doing so .
I never expected to see myself in a human hamster ball – mainly because I wasn ’ t sure I ’ d fit – but it brings a whole new meaning to ‘ stay in your bubble ’ .
”

Sport
Paddy Power have today released witty, tongue-in-cheek PSA – advising football fans how to celebrate safely.
With the Premier League title set to be lifted this week – the bookmaker has produced a video guide fronted by Peter Crouch.
It comes after celebrating fans were criticised earlier in the season for ignoring social distancing guidelines.
The PSA features ‘the world’s most COVID-compliant football party’, on arrival, fans were zipped into self-contained, two-metre high ‘human hamster balls’, to ensure they could celebrate as much as they liked, while still complying with the UK’s COVID-19 protection rules.
Additional precautions included fans being sprayed from top to bottom in disinfectant on entry to the pub by officials in hazmat suits, plus all drinks were consumed strictly within the confines of the giant, oxygen-filled, PVC bubbles.
Peter Crouch said: “It’s only natural that football fans will want to celebrate their team’s success, especially if they’ve been waiting for a long time for it. But, clearly, it’s important that we’re all safe and responsible when doing so. I never expected to see myself in a human hamster ball – mainly because I wasn’t sure I’d fit – but it brings a whole new meaning to ‘stay in your bubble’.”


thepoke--2020-07-20--Just 15 supercute pictures of hedgehogs because why the heck not?

The brilliant and popular Hedgehog of the Day Twitter account provides a daily shot of cuteness which , we can @ @ @ @ @ desperately needs right now .
We choose some of our favourite hogs for your enjoyment…

Pics
The brilliant and popular Hedgehog of the Day Twitter account provides a daily shot of cuteness which, we can all agree, the world desperately needs right now. We choose some of our favourite hogs for your enjoyment…
1.
Monday 26th August, 2019 pic.twitter.com/LGegTjmhhh — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) August 26, 2019
2.
Sunday 19th July, 2020 pic.twitter.com/l2lrUfpIEE — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) July 19, 2020
3.
Thursday 9th July, 2020 pic.twitter.com/S0YZq2TPKm — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) July 9, 2020
4.
Monday 29th June, 2020 pic.twitter.com/qPQC8JQS6J — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) June 29, 2020
5.
Sunday 21st June, 2020 pic.twitter.com/HWZQez9W7m — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) June 21, 2020
6.
Thursday 4th June, 2020 pic.twitter.com/eonZACAY2i — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) June 4, 2020
7.
Saturday 30th May, 2020 pic.twitter.com/1RiZ9fcveb — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) May 30, 2020
8.
Thursday 14th May, 2020 pic.twitter.com/eIjxgM9mxg — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) May 14, 2020
9.
Saturday 2nd May, 2020 pic.twitter.com/DWYaq3CpAy — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) May 2, 2020
10.
Friday 1st May, 2020 pic.twitter.com/D6YSVdWWXQ — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) May 1, 2020
11.
Friday 24th April, 2020 pic.twitter.com/yLDbFbcRj7 — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) April 24, 2020
12.
Tuesday 21st April, 2020 pic.twitter.com/k3N0zQtAv7 — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) April 21, 2020
13.
Tuesday 7th April, 2020 pic.twitter.com/XGBA1LX1tO — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) April 7, 2020
14.
Friday 27th March, 2020 pic.twitter.com/AEIKdTnGzt — Hedgehog of the Day (@daily__hedgehog) March 27, 2020
15.


thepoke--2020-07-20--10 funny things people have been saying about the pandemic

The gradual unlocking of the UK continues , as compulsory mask-wearing in shops comes into force in a few days @ @ @ @ @ obviously – that would be ridiculous because *checks notes* Michael Gove went maskless in Pret @ @ @ @ @ to fathom the logic of that , let ’ s just see what the funny @ @ @ @ @ saying .
2 .
Somewhere , there ’ s a monkey ’ s paw with @ @ @ @ @ up 3 .
It ’ s important for the government to say what it ’ @ @ @ @ @ what it ’ s doing 4 .
People need to own up to the consequences @ @ @ @ @ The advice isn ’ t getting any clearer 6 .
People are desperate to get @ @ @ @ @ 7 .
There ’ s no objection so trivial that an entitled columnist won ’ @ @ @ @ @ 8 .
Some of us have really missed people 10 .
It ’ s important @ @ @ @

Twitter
The gradual unlocking of the UK continues, as compulsory mask-wearing in shops comes into force in a few days, but not takeaways, obviously – that would be ridiculous because *checks notes* Michael Gove went maskless in Pret, soooo…
Instead of trying to fathom the logic of that, let’s just see what the funny people of Twitter have been saying.
1. Scientific advice feels like pearls before swine
We've gotta send kids back to school so one day they can be doctors and scientists, and everyone can ignore them. — Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) July 17, 2020
2. Somewhere, there’s a monkey’s paw with just the middle finger sticking up
Imagine if the coronavirus happened because a little kid somewhere made a wish that their parents would spend more time with them, and it was granted by an evil genie. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 17, 2020
3. It’s important for the government to say what it’s doing without actually saying what it’s doing
I have committed to increasing our testing capacity to 500,000 a day by October.
And this time I have been careful to say 'capacity', so it doesn't matter how many people we actually get round to testing.
Oh look – I've hit my target already. — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 18, 2020
4. People need to own up to the consequences of their actions
PROPOSAL: you don't have to wear a mask, if instead you wear a big sign that says "It's my fault there won't be Christmas" — Scott Gairdner (@scottgairdner) July 18, 2020
5. The advice isn’t getting any clearer
Johnson: “Stop working from home” Vallance: “Keep working from home” Johnson: “No lockdowns in future" Vallance: “Lockdowns very likely in future” Johnson: “Covid dealt with by Xmas” Vallance: “Covid with us for years” But remember, the government’s following the science. — David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 19, 2020
6. People are desperate to get back to their usual sports
I always wear my fencing mask in the Co-op. Nothing to do with COVID but because an old lady drew a baguette on me once when I reached for the last fruit scone. — Coley Parker (@facaldaqui) July 19, 2020
7. There’s no objection so trivial that an entitled columnist won’t compare it to Nazism
Remember when we went to war with the Nazis because they asked people to cover their faces in John Lewis pic.twitter.com/0zEMqi8PuT — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 19, 2020
8. Some of us have really missed people
me seeing someone i know on the street pre quarantine: *dart eyes downwards* me seeing someone i know on the street now: HELLllllllo best friend of miiiiiiine are you free to talk for the next four houurrrrrrrrs — Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) July 19, 2020
9. Others haven’t
personally i love staying 6 feet away from people and hiding half of my face i don’t know why people are so against this — syd (@squidvici0us) July 17, 2020
10. It’s important to have some perspective
Some people who may say covid was the worst thing to happen this year clearly haven't been watching Evernton's season — Sir Stevo Timothy (@SirStevoTimothy) July 19, 2020
READ MORE
Lockdown laughs: 11 things we’ve learnt from the pandemic
Image @jamiedavies on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-07-20--Simply 10 of the most brilliantly savage takedowns of ‘anti-maskers’

Most people have got the message about masks by now .
The jury is still out on how much protection @ @ @ @ @ , but scientists are confident that wearing a mask helps protect other people .
Unfortunately @ @ @ @ @ have become something of a political football , with the anti-mask brigade demonstrating much the @ @ @ @ @ and experiencing the same types of savage takedown .
3 .
When you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ Trump says – no , sirree !
4 .
How ’ s that analogy working @ @ @ @ @ .
Imagine being owned by an actual city 9 .
Clean up in aisle 19 @ @ @ @ @ 19 !
There is a good way to get them to wear masks , however @ @ @ @ @ Charles puts the “ mask or no mask ?
” debate into perspective .

Pics
Most people have got the message about masks by now. The jury is still out on how much protection they can give the wearer, but scientists are confident that wearing a mask helps protect other people.
Unfortunately, the issue seems to have become something of a political football, with the anti-mask brigade demonstrating much the same logic as anti-vaxxers – and experiencing the same types of savage takedown.
1. Anti-masker – nil. Asthmatic old lady – one
Via
2. A reminder that medical workers are a thing
Via
3. When you’re definitely not just copying what Trump says – no, sirree!
Via
4. How’s that analogy working out for you?
Via
5.
Imagine being owned by an actual city
Via
6. Defeated by logic
Via
7. Congratulations – you failed high school maths
Via
8. No contest
Via
N.B. Hanes is a make of undies.
9. Clean up in aisle 19! Clean up in aisle 19!
Via
10. Anti-mask reviewer gets reviewed
Via
There is a good way to get them to wear masks, however …
Via
This comment from Scott Charles puts the “mask or no mask?” debate into perspective.
I wear a mask because if the experts are correct, I could potentially prevent someone from getting sick and dying. If the experts are wrong, the most I’m out is the inconvenience of wearing a piece of fabric on my face. I often wonder who raised some of y’all. — Scott Charles (@TheScottCharles) June 17, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 6 very satisfying takedowns of ‘anti-maskers’
Source Various Image u/colbsauce , @samuelegiglio on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-07-20--The 9 best reactions to the PM suggesting things might be normal by Christmas

During a Downing Street coronavirus press briefing , Boris Johnson outlined the next steps in unlocking the country – or @ @ @ @ @ expressing the hope for “ significant return to normality ” by Christmas .
He could @ @ @ @ @ turn of phrase than one reminiscent of the First World War , but then we @ @ @ @ @ very funny reactions .
Jon Jones had a Christmas wish of his own .
Better @ @ @ @ @ Santa .
Dominic Raab claims the scientists are too busy to come to the daily @ @ @ @ @ reviews

Twitter
During a Downing Street coronavirus press briefing, Boris Johnson outlined the next steps in unlocking the country – or at least, England – expressing the hope for “significant return to normality” by Christmas.
'It'll all be over by Christmas' is a GREAT slogan. Never heard that before. Sure it'll prove totally true. pic.twitter.com/SzsW4uzOw7 — Annie Gray (@DrAnnieGray) July 17, 2020
He could probably have picked a better turn of phrase than one reminiscent of the First World War, but then we might not have had these very funny reactions.
1.
the virus will be over by Christmas and on Christmas day the virus and the scientists will meet in no man's land for a game of football — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 17, 2020
2.
“It’ll all be over by Christmas”
Those words have never been horribly wrong before… https://t.co/P2kYcVCUb0 — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 17, 2020
3.
“Covid crisis will be over by Christmas” says man who said Covid crisis will be over by June. https://t.co/NksJ7UjKUo — David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 17, 2020
4.
Scientists are saying it’s incredibly doubtful that things will be back to normal by Christmas but I think Prime Minister Dominic Cummings thinks false hope is important to get us out shopping. #bullshit #keepkeepingsafe 😷 — kath 🙀😷❄🇪🇺✊🏾 (@KathyBurke) July 18, 2020
5.
I am confident that we can get back to normal before Xmas.
My scientific advisors are confident that I'm talking through my arse. — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 17, 2020
6.
"It'll all be over by Christmas, so: Pack up your roubles in your old kit ba… sorry, troubles, troubles…" pic.twitter.com/ekcN9yuXbg — Keith Burge (@carryonkeith) July 17, 2020
7.
Boris Johnson: “The disease may well become more virulent in the winter.” Also Boris Johnson: “Gyms are opening, you can go back to work, the train is safe, enjoy a spot of bowling, go to a gig, football stadiums will reopen in October and it’ll all be over by Christmas.” — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) July 17, 2020
8.
Boris Johnson: "Over by Christmas". What a wit, what a hilarious reference to The Great War. And you keep laughing right up to the point when you remember that it went on for 4 more years, took a million British lives and ended in a flu pandemic that killed half a million more. — Otto English (@Otto_English) July 17, 2020
9.
Boris "It'll be over by christmas" pic.twitter.com/1jPGdcyjtT — Gladstone (@TreasuryMog) July 17, 2020
Jon Jones had a Christmas wish of his own.
Let's hope Boris Johnson is over by Christmas. — Jon Jones (@JonJonesSnr) July 17, 2020
Better get writing that letter to Santa.
READ MORE
Dominic Raab claims the scientists are too busy to come to the daily briefing – 8 unfavourable peer reviews
Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-20--Michael Spicer was devastating in the Room Next Door to Priti Patel’s mauling by Yvette Cooper

The Home Secretary ’ s grilling by Yvette Cooper was an excruciating watch , but it was absolutely worth all @ @ @ @ @ to this next-level Room Next Door sketch from Michael Spicer .
We wouldn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ his game , yet here we are .
We can think of at least a @ @ @ @ @ eye who would benefit from a notice like this .
Here ’ s what people @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s a sure sign of a great entertainer that people are inspired @ @ @ @ @ …like this .
We ’ d watch the hell out of that series .
Michael @ @ @ @ @ s Game of Thrones comment from the Room Next Door

Videos
The Home Secretary’s grilling by Yvette Cooper was an excruciating watch, but it was absolutely worth all the cringing because it led to this next-level Room Next Door sketch from Michael Spicer.
the room next door – Priti Patel and Yvette Cooper pic.twitter.com/iaeKaZbGbq — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 18, 2020
We wouldn’t have believed he could up his game, yet here we are.
We can think of at least a dozen people in the public eye who would benefit from a notice like this.
Here’s what people had to say about it.
I love that you do your own stunts, Michael. — Curtis Stigers (@curtisstigers) July 18, 2020
This is above and beyond. At least we can LAUGH. https://t.co/Nay31bxDxr — Julia Raeside (@JNRaeside) July 18, 2020
Gut busting laugh, this one. Volume up. https://t.co/FqrmhiFQIW — Bee Middlemast-Neal #GTTO #FBPE #BLM #Antifa (@Mistywoman1) July 18, 2020
This man is a comic genius (so sad that there are so many targets for his piercing darts) https://t.co/gJjdxTzjUE — Uncle Norman Giller (@NormanGiller) July 18, 2020
It’s a sure sign of a great entertainer that people are inspired to create their own tributes …like this.
Inspired by @MrMichaelSpicer 's excellent music choice I just had to make this.. https://t.co/AAH2FQIIeN pic.twitter.com/QVxKm7celP — Jim Sheridan (@Jim_Sheridan) July 18, 2020
We’d watch the hell out of that series.
READ MORE
Michael Spicer shreds Dominic Raab’s Game of Thrones comment from the Room Next Door
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-07-20--Boris Johnson’s giant baby is the conspiracy theory nobody expected – our 16 favourite takedowns

Because there ’ s literally nothing else important happening in the UK at the moment – ( look_to_camera.gif ) – @ @ @ @ @ of Carrie Symonds ‘ and Boris Johnson ‘ s baby led to a very wild @ @ @ @ @ s the photo of the Downing Street baby , with his fiancée and their son @ @ @ @ @ tweet perfectly sums up the key points of the conspiracy theory , shared by hundreds @ @ @ @ @ all seriousness .
Most people , like author and comedy writer , Jim Felton , @ @ @ @ @ about baby Wilfred .
There were a lot more funny takes , so we gathered @ @ @

Twitter
Because there’s literally nothing else important happening in the UK at the moment – (look_to_camera.gif) – the release of a photo of Carrie Symonds‘ and Boris Johnson‘s baby led to a very wild conspiracy theory.
Here’s the photo of the Downing Street baby, with his fiancée and their son, Wilfred.
And this tweet perfectly sums up the key points of the conspiracy theory, shared by hundreds of tweeters – apparently in all seriousness.
Most people, like author and comedy writer, Jim Felton, had a very different theory about baby Wilfred.
Don’t want to go all Occam’s razor on you but I think what we’re looking at here is some sort of large baby, a situation where two people have had a baby and it is a large baby. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 19, 2020
There were a lot more funny takes, so we gathered our favourites.
1.
I can't say I'm unhappy about the fact that everyone is saying they are amazed at the enormous size of my Willie. #borisbaby pic.twitter.com/OIjtHOr9ze — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 19, 2020
2.
Midwife: "How's he doing then?
Carrie: "Well he's twisty and moody, always wants a bottle, has a nap in the afternoon, he's got everyone running round after him, I hardly get a minutes peace, I'm shattered…
Midwife: And what about Wilfred? #borisbaby pic.twitter.com/2nEiLVkuG4 — Stuart-lee Robson (@Roppa77) July 19, 2020
3.
I can totally understand the baby truthers thing. I'm pretty damn certain that is Boris Johnson's child but its so confusing to actually see him in the same room as one of his offspring, it's bound to raise questions. — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) July 19, 2020
4.
Babies of the highest mass can actually bend space time. The infamous babyzilla of 1948, who belonged to Hans schwarz, clocked in at 4509 chunguses and created a singularity. This is where we get the term schwarzschild radius as measured by the national register of infant mass pic.twitter.com/6GBefoWYd2 — Dr Benjamin Janaway (@drjanaway) July 19, 2020
5.
the look of a proud father wondering what number this one is pic.twitter.com/R4uNcDgvJR — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) July 18, 2020
6.
Release the Big Baby report — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 19, 2020
7.
I do hope Sally Phillips and Wee Jimmy Krankie are being paid a decent fee for this…#borisbaby pic.twitter.com/nq9O2nVnQU — junesim63 (@JuneSim63) July 18, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-07-20--The only 5 reactions you need to Boris Johnson using “semi-sexual” to describe fox hunting

In 2005 , Boris Johnson wrote a piece that encouraged fox hunters to defy the law against the practice – @ @ @ @ @ a sitting MP to do .
He also described fox hunting in – well – @ @ @ @ @ perfectly normal – nothing to see here .
These five reactions were too good not @ @ @ @ @ aka @ Glitterbeard_ – had a far simpler take .
Boris Johnson mocked people who @ @ @ @ @ – and you ’ ll never guess who said it

Twitter
In 2005, Boris Johnson wrote a piece that encouraged fox hunters to defy the law against the practice – itself a strange thing for a sitting MP to do.
He also described fox hunting in – well – very odd terms.
Boris Johnson said he 'loved' fox hunting in a 'semi-sexual' way https://t.co/zlGJnwhzXZ — The Independent (@Independent) July 18, 2020
All perfectly normal – nothing to see here.
via Gfycat
These five reactions were too good not to share.
1.
"I loved fox hunting in a 'semi-sexual' way"
Tune in next week, when I will reveal how I like to jack off to footage of badger baiting. https://t.co/iZuMLvSuWW — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 18, 2020
2.
David Cameron puts penis in dead pig’s mouth Boris Johnson:
Hold my fox nice and still https://t.co/VIVSjOSqU4 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 18, 2020
3.
Boris said in this fantastic article, that in no way portrays him as a boorish malignancy, that he 'loved' fox hunting in a 'semi-sexual' way. I'm no expert, but riding a horse with a semi sounds tricky! Is there nothing this man isn't good at?https://t.co/sqgwEvnAvU — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) July 18, 2020
4.
Oh 2020 you so crazy Did anyone have Piggate 2: A Fox's Tale for their 2020 crazy bingo? pic.twitter.com/mthuxOuEtn — Chris Purchase 🌈 (@ChrisPurchase) July 18, 2020
5.
This isn't even an Onion article holy shit https://t.co/gJNgJOBK8K — Juan (@__L1keClockwork) July 18, 2020
Rob – aka @Glitterbeard_ – had a far simpler take.
READ MORE
Boris Johnson mocked people who said this about wind farms – and you’ll never guess who said it
Source Independent Image Screengrab, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-21--Our 14 favourite scathing reactions to the release of the Russia Report

After months of lobbying , speculation and government stonewalling , the notorious Russia Report has been released .
The document @ @ @ @ @ was expected , but the published part is not so much a smoking gun as @ @ @ @ @ hole in the side of a mountain .
To summarise , the UK hasn ’ @ @ @ @ @ Russia has been interfering with its elections , despite a strong likelihood that it took @ @ @ @ @ to injury , the government immediately issued a refusal to investigate interference in the EU @ @ @ @ @ “ seen no evidence ” of successful interference …because it hadn ’ t looked .
@ @ @ @ @ to react .

Twitter
After months of lobbying, speculation and government stonewalling, the notorious Russia Report has been released.
The document has been redacted, which was expected, but the published part is not so much a smoking gun as an enormous cartoonish human cannonball hole in the side of a mountain.
To summarise, the UK hasn’t bothered to investigate whether Russia has been interfering with its elections, despite a strong likelihood that it took place.
WHOAH!! So much for no smoking gun. The #RussiaReport is utterly damning about the failure of the intelligence services to protect our democratic processes. 'In response for our written request for evidence, MI5 provided just 6 lines of text' pic.twitter.com/SplYfMOtrN — Carole Cadwalladr (@carolecadwalla) July 21, 2020
To add insult to injury, the government immediately issued a refusal to investigate interference in the EU referendum, as it had “seen no evidence” of successful interference …because it hadn’t looked.
from Nathan Fillion GIFs via Gfycat
Twitter was ready and waiting to react.
1.
2.
I told there was no evidence of Russian interference.
Or rather we didn't find any because we didn't bother looking, as it was working in favour of Brexit. #RussiaReport — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) July 21, 2020
3.
We won’t show it to you
We won’t show it to you
We won’t show it to you
Ok we didn’t investigate anything
Will you investigate anything now?
No https://t.co/AmcKQwrCQB — James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 21, 2020
4.
'We're not holding an inquiry into Russian interference in the EU referendum, because we found no evidence of Russian interference in the EU referendum after not looking for any,' said government spokesman Joseph Heller #RussiaReport pic.twitter.com/ZKEBxX3eul — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) July 21, 2020
5.
“So the report found no evidence Russia had successfully interfered in the Brexit referendum” Did they look for any? “No” pic.twitter.com/91PDyMwYjm — Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) July 21, 2020
6.
"Russia, would you mind awfully not interfering in our democratic processes…." https://t.co/yYwikTHeUb pic.twitter.com/7lQxQIRi77 — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) July 21, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-07-21--10 more of the latest lockdown laughs from Twitter

Donald Trump has finally got on board the mask train , tweeting a photo of himself and invoking patriotism .
Has he finally accepted the science or has he been told the mark-up on Trump 2020 branded masks from his website ?
It ’ s a mystery .
Masks crop up a few times in our round-up of Twitter ’ s funny takes on the coronavirus .
1 .
A perfect example of why the ‘ masks lower your oxygen levels ’ argument is bullsh*t 2 .
It ’ s beginning to feel like lockdown might be the most successful @ @ @ @ @ @ @ conspiracies really don ’ t stack up when they ’ re seen as part of a bigger PPE picture 4 .
There ’ s no news so bad that it can ’ t be used to mock a rival football team 5 .
It ’ s always difficult swimming against the tide 6 .
The PM hasn ’ t got any better at picking the right phrases 7 .
Aaaaand we ’ re back to that franchise again 8 .
Lockdown has taught us things that might save us a fortune in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ excuse for ghosting people in the flesh 10 funny things people have been saying about the pandemic

Twitter
Donald Trump has finally got on board the mask train, tweeting a photo of himself and invoking patriotism.
Has he finally accepted the science or has he been told the mark-up on Trump 2020 branded masks from his website? It’s a mystery.
Masks crop up a few times in our round-up of Twitter’s funny takes on the coronavirus.
1. A perfect example of why the ‘masks lower your oxygen levels’ argument is bullsh*t
In the 2001 Royal Rumble, Kane wore a mask for 54 minutes and eliminated 11 people. You can wear one to Aldi. pic.twitter.com/3TbKYwk4Ur — Sam Jones (@SamJonesMCR) July 14, 2020
2. It’s beginning to feel like lockdown might be the most successful franchise of the millennium
Lockdown
Lockdown 2
Lockdown the third
Lockdown forever after. pic.twitter.com/hRkdsxnTrj — Samuel Ager (@Samuel_Ager22) July 16, 2020
3. Mask conspiracies really don’t stack up when they’re seen as part of a bigger PPE picture
I wonder are there construction workers who think that mandatory hard hats are a global totalitarian conspiracy ? Or do they just realise that building sites are dangerous and hard hats keep themselves and others safe? — The Blindboy Podcast (@Rubberbandits) July 20, 2020
4. There’s no news so bad that it can’t be used to mock a rival football team
BREAKING: Manchester United allow David de Gea to train without a mask, after club doctors confirm there's no way he can catch anything. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) July 20, 2020
5. It’s always difficult swimming against the tide
You guys aren't going to believe this, but I think living through a pandemic might be causing some stress. — 🌸Likes🌸 (@broken_rhi) July 20, 2020
6. The PM hasn’t got any better at picking the right phrases
Boris Johnson says a second national lockdown is like a nuclear deterrent but if that was true, he'd spend £31bn on having it in place just incase, even if everyone said it was completely unnecessary. — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) July 19, 2020
7. Aaaaand we’re back to that franchise again
We’re living in every shitty thriller movie except there is no hero coming to save us and also it’s a pandemic movie — Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) July 20, 2020
8. Lockdown has taught us things that might save us a fortune in the future
I really missed going to the movie theater until I realized I can eat popcorn in the dark anywhere — jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) July 20, 2020
9. Covid-19 – the perfect excuse for ghosting people in the flesh
ME: Thanks for being considerate and social distancing MY FAMILY: [continues to drive by not acknowledging me] — mo (@chuuew) July 20, 2020
10. There’s a market for everything
Peppa pig face masks £2.50 pic.twitter.com/gH4WhwpclP — northern monkey (@stephaniemain2) July 20, 2020
READ MORE
10 funny things people have been saying about the pandemic
Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-07-21--‘People who wear masks incorrectly’ must be the funniest NSFW safety advice we’ve seen

Since lockdown started in March , and even before that , we ’ ve been bombarded with advice : How @ @ @ @ @ another …but it seems that some of it hasn ’ t got through .
To @ @ @ @ @ that a mask only works if it ’ s worn and used properly , comedian @ @ @ @ @ – and NSFW – analogy .
Funny and informative .
Twitter enjoyed it too .
@ @ @ @ @ be taken literally .
They say the artist suffers for their art … We appreciate @ @ @ @ @ ’ s is preparing to open and this hilariously believable sketch shows how

Videos
Since lockdown started in March, and even before that, we’ve been bombarded with advice:
How far to stand from one another How to wash our hands Where to cough
…but it seems that some of it hasn’t got through.
We need a Merkel everywhere 😷
"The mask also needs to cover your nose!" pic.twitter.com/mFChD9Y3ZQ — Brexit Bin 🇪🇺 #NotMyBrexit (@BrexitBin) July 19, 2020
To really drive home the message that a mask only works if it’s worn and used properly, comedian Seán Burke used this hilarious – and NSFW – analogy.
People who wear face masks incorrectly. pic.twitter.com/hr02KucBFJ — Seán Burke (@SeanBurkeShow) July 17, 2020
“Next thing you know you’ll be wearing 17 layers and 3 hats.”
Funny and informative. Twitter enjoyed it too.
Stay for the end. 😂 https://t.co/A0JMZHFWo0 — Elaine A (@OuttaMyLaine) July 17, 2020
A top rate homemade sketch https://t.co/er5qZUsJs7 — Stephen Warren (@jaybeans) July 17, 2020
Of course, it could be taken literally.
You mean, I have to actually cover my WHOLE lower half with my trousers? https://t.co/fEGC2t5Q5x — Slye Boy (@Realslyeboy) July 18, 2020
They say the artist suffers for their art …
I’m both pleased and mortified at subjecting so many people to this. — Seán Burke (@SeanBurkeShow) July 18, 2020
We appreciate it, Seán.
READ MORE
McDonald’s is preparing to open and this hilariously believable sketch shows how
Source Seán Burke Image Seán Burke


thepoke--2020-07-21--This thank you letter to a hairdresser is getting people right in the feels

Over on Reddit , u/bella3774 has shared a letter that ’ s got people ’ s emotions all over the place .
Addressed to someone named Sara , who is obviously a hairdresser , it thanks her for her treatment of a customer with dementia , and it shows the true value of being considerate .
What an emotional roller coaster , and all because of something as simple as a trip to a hair salon .
This is what Reddit users had to say about it .
How nice !
People are always so quick to Tell a person @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but leave out the positive when that could really change someone ’ s day or come at a time when they ’ ve been questioning themselves or feeling down .
AshleyGil To the world , you are just another person..but to one person , you are the world..this is an excellent example of treating people well because it ’ s the right thing to do .
DivineMs_M A Redditor named u/jimmyq13 was torn between thanking the person who shared the letter and cursing them .
I ’ d say “ eff you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ) if I thought it wouldn ’ t come across as harsh .
I ’ m sitting here in my living room with tears streaming down my face now .
This is awesome and so are you !
Thanks for sharing !
!
No , you ’ ve got something in your eye .
People love this letter by a 74-year-old Fortnite fan in lockdown

Pics
Over on Reddit, u/bella3774 has shared a letter that’s got people’s emotions all over the place.
Addressed to someone named Sara, who is obviously a hairdresser, it thanks her for her treatment of a customer with dementia, and it shows the true value of being considerate.
What an emotional roller coaster, and all because of something as simple as a trip to a hair salon.
This is what Reddit users had to say about it.
How nice! People are always so quick to Tell a person or business the negative experience they had, but leave out the positive when that could really change someone’s day or come at a time when they’ve been questioning themselves or feeling down.
AshleyGil
We often don’t notice the impact we have on one another in the moment, what a beautiful letter.
NJGGoodies12
Why did the sentence “She felt so pretty” just make me cry like a baby?
SlawStudent
To the world, you are just another person..but to one person, you are the world..this is an excellent example of treating people well because it’s the right thing to do.
DivineMs_M
I’m so happy this customer took time to thank you. Well done!
DivineMs_M
A Redditor named u/jimmyq13 was torn between thanking the person who shared the letter and cursing them.
I’d say “eff you!” (for making me cry) if I thought it wouldn’t come across as harsh. I’m sitting here in my living room with tears streaming down my face now. This is awesome and so are you! Thanks for sharing!!
No, you’ve got something in your eye.
READ MORE
People love this letter by a 74-year-old Fortnite fan in lockdown
Source r/MadeMeSmile Image r/MadeMeSmile


thepoke--2020-07-21--People have been adding “due to the pandemic” to film quotes and they really work – the best 18

Not that people are obsessed with the life-threatening virus or anything , but it seems to crop up a lot @ @ @ @ @ in jokes or in the news , but there ’ s also this : We @ @ @ @ @ went with it , so we gathered our favourites .

Twitter
Not that people are obsessed with the life-threatening virus or anything, but it seems to crop up a lot.
Sometimes it’s in jokes or in the news, but there’s also this:
Let's have a bit of fun. I'll start: "I now know why you cry. But it's something I can never do… due to the pandemic" pic.twitter.com/EqJHmt9Moj — Jordan Bestwick (@JordanBestwick1) July 17, 2020
We really liked where some people went with it, so we gathered our favourites.
1.
"There's no place like home…due to the pandemic." pic.twitter.com/yUjfwoMLFr — Michael Compton (@ikeandmikeblog) July 18, 2020
2.
One does not simply walk into Mordor due to the pandemic. pic.twitter.com/kdK7DuWtUT — Ryan Stimson (@RK_Stimp) July 18, 2020
3.
"No, I'm from Iowa – I only work in outer space, due to the pandemic."#StarTrek https://t.co/Y8vcHMP6oV — TrekCore.com (@TrekCore) July 18, 2020
4.
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries, due to the pandemic." pic.twitter.com/jZMny0DNeu — Pevenly (@Pevenly1) July 18, 2020
5.
"The Dude abides, due to the pandemic." pic.twitter.com/husAseaVfc — Todd ⚾ (@CubsCentral08) July 18, 2020
6.
“You’re trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson due to the pandemic.” pic.twitter.com/KRClrDIHrp — TheSaltyProfessor (@SaltyProfessor) July 19, 2020
7.
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn due to the pandemic." pic.twitter.com/6OBLp8dMb9 — Queen Of Quirky (@Homegrowngirl2) July 19, 2020
8.
"This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off due to the pandemic.” pic.twitter.com/FwvQ4avIts — Amanda Wyss (@_AmandaWyss) July 17, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-07-21--This brilliant Mastermind parody sees Boris Johnson finally answer questions on the Russia Report

The Russia Report is due to be released later today – at the time of writing – and we don @ @ @ @ @ it will tell us , if anything , about alleged Russian interference in UK elections @ @ @ @ @ Boris Johnson went to great lengths to prevent the public seeing it before the last @ @ @ @ @ Banks is still trying legal measures to get a look at it before publication .
@ @ @ @ @ brain must be in overdrive .
Over on YouTube , The Citizens have enlisted the @ @ @ @ @ help bring this sketch to life .
Journalist Carole Cadwalladr , who was instrumental in @ @ @ @ @ in the EU referendum , shared the clip on Twitter .
These are just a @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve seen .
See also : every piece of satire currently being produced on @ @ @ @ @ .
Rory Bremner ’ s Boris Johnson speech is so much better than the real @

Videos
The Russia Report is due to be released later today – at the time of writing – and we don’t yet know what it will tell us, if anything, about alleged Russian interference in UK elections.
We do know that Boris Johnson went to great lengths to prevent the public seeing it before the last election, and that Arron Banks is still trying legal measures to get a look at it before publication.
John Le Carré‘s brain must be in overdrive.
Over on YouTube, The Citizens have enlisted the ironically inimitable Rory Bremner to help bring this sketch to life.
Journalist Carole Cadwalladr, who was instrumental in the investigation of Russian interference in the EU referendum, shared the clip on Twitter.
'Boris Johnson, your specialist subject is the intelligence & security committee's report into Russian interference. You have one minute & my voice speeds up now' Superb from @rorybremner @lisemayer & @allthecitizens pic.twitter.com/re755V4qSp — Carole Cadwalladr (@carolecadwalla) July 19, 2020
These are just a few of the reactions we’ve seen.
This is superb 😂 "what is the connection between Alexander Temerko, Vladimir Chernukhin, George Piskov, and Lev Mikheev, four Russian oligarchs with links to the Kremlin?" Johnson: "err… Pass.." https://t.co/GmoBmlTK6w — Jack Daw (@Jack__Daw) July 19, 2020
This is wonderful. Thank you to everyone involved. Don't stop till you see the Trump bit too. @rorybremner @lisemayer & @allthecitizens https://t.co/78oflTX0x8 — Ravinder Randhawa (@RealRavs) July 19, 2020
On the eve of the release of the bloody #RussiaReport, it's worth giving this hilarious and terrifying video a watch. I tend to mostly have a gigantic sense of humour failure when it comes to politics, but this is absolutely brilliant. https://t.co/4wfwPktbjr — Francesca 🇪🇺 (@Just__Fran) July 19, 2020
Finally, this relatable comment.
Who knew something could be funny and completely depressing at the same time? — Rob Waft (@harrythebarber) July 19, 2020
See also: every piece of satire currently being produced on both sides of the Atlantic.
READ MORE
Rory Bremner’s Boris Johnson speech is so much better than the real thing
Source Citizens TV Image Citizens TV


thepoke--2020-07-21--Bob Mortimer’s given us another Train Guy clip – and it’s hilario

There ’ s nothing quite like a new Train Guy video to give us all a boost – and make @ @ @ @ @ .
Luckily , that ’ s exactly what we ’ ve got .
Watch the @ @ @ @ @ commuters ’ nightmare once again .
“ Your ideas are on the damp side of @ @ @ @ @ tumble but don ’ t empty the dryer until you ’ ve spoken to me.
@ @ @ @ @ meaningless corporate speak that ’ s ever happened , but up there with the funniest @ @ @ @ @ Plenty of Faux Pas .
Bob Mortimer ’ s new Train Guy sketch is another @ @

Videos
There’s nothing quite like a new Train Guy video to give us all a boost – and make us appreciate the quiet carriage.
Luckily, that’s exactly what we’ve got.
Watch the brilliant Bob Mortimer become the commuters’ nightmare once again.
Train Guy …Belgian Loffles pic.twitter.com/QZeCGDWufh — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) July 17, 2020
“Your ideas are on the damp side of wearable so have a mind tumble but don’t empty the dryer until you’ve spoken to me.”
Not actually the most meaningless corporate speak that’s ever happened, but up there with the funniest.
This is just so Real. I've met this guy. Many times over. ("Damp side of wearable" is genius). — WriterMike (@MikeHic13940507) July 17, 2020
We all know a Geoff Linton — @steakers. #AFC (@steakers) July 17, 2020
Have had feedback like this in the past. Almost word for word 🤣 https://t.co/Q1t1gxNYMm — rich_mitch (@rich_mitch) July 17, 2020
We wholeheartedly agree with Plenty of Faux Pas.
Eveyone needs a bit of Bob to lift their spirits ❤ — Plenty Of Faux Pas (@PlentyFreaks) July 17, 2020
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s new Train Guy sketch is another mini masterpiece
Source Bob Mortimer Image Bob Mortimer