thepoke--2020-02-14--Lewis Capaldi’s story about being inspired by his gran’s death is funnier than it should be

Lewis Capaldi ‘ s heartstring-tugging ballad Someone You Loved sounds like a classic break-up song , and we don ’ @ @ @ @ @ newly single person has sobbed themselves to sleep over it , but it seems we @ @ @ @ @ Here he is explaining how he came to write the huge hit .
That certainly @ @ @ @ @ .
It clearly occurred to him that the anecdote was a bit odd .
Knight @ @ @ @ @ ’ t help feeling that Lewis Capaldi ’ s musical talent is a heavy loss @ @ @ @ @ .
As a treat , you can listen to Someone You Loved and think about @ @ @ @ @ nan .
We love Lewis Capaldi ’ s sweary celebration of his debut album ’ @ @

Videos
Lewis Capaldi‘s heartstring-tugging ballad Someone You Loved sounds like a classic break-up song, and we don’t doubt that many a newly single person has sobbed themselves to sleep over it, but it seems we’ve all misunderstood.
Here he is explaining how he came to write the huge hit.
“Your classic death …not coming back, sort of thing.“
That certainly sounds like your classic death.
“Just the ticket – my gran’s dead.”
It clearly occurred to him that the anecdote was a bit odd.
‘As fortune had it my gran had just died’ is the weirdest thing I’ve ever said in an interview https://t.co/G64YkOIFoj — Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) February 12, 2020
London Lofty asked a highly pertinent question.
With all this Brexit shit going on, have we still forgotten to Knight Lewis Capaldi. https://t.co/bckqVSV5A4 — London Lofty (@lofty_london) February 13, 2020
Knight or not, we can’t help feeling that Lewis Capaldi’s musical talent is a heavy loss to world of stand-up comedy.
As a treat, you can listen to Someone You Loved and think about Lewis Capaldi’s dead nan.
READ MORE
We love Lewis Capaldi’s sweary celebration of his debut album’s success
Source @vmusic Image @vmusic


thepoke--2020-02-14--There’s something wrong with this family tree – something very wrong indeed

A lot of people have jumped on the genealogy bandwagon these days , with DNA kits fairly affordable to the @ @ @ @ @ people now realising they six per cent Viking and one per cent North African or @ @ @ @ @ , however , is just a tool for students of French to use relationship words @ @ @ @ @ Although he didn ’ t actually name the problem , a glance at the chart @ @ @ @ @ suspicions .
Fabius the Loremaster was reminded of the classic thriller , Deliverance .
90 @ @ @ @ @ Dyer ’ s “ Who Do You Think You Are ?
”

Pics
A lot of people have jumped on the genealogy bandwagon these days, with DNA kits fairly affordable to the securely employed, and more people now realising they six per cent Viking and one per cent North African or whatever.
This family tree, however, is just a tool for students of French to use relationship words:
“Hubert est le père de Fabien.”
And so on.
But geneticist John B Cole noticed something amiss.
Um, I'm only a cow geneticist, but… pic.twitter.com/1mV4DiW3IT — John B. Cole (@John_B_Cole) February 11, 2020
Although he didn’t actually name the problem, a glance at the chart confirmed people’s worst suspicions.
What a fun way to track this family's incesters…I mean, ancestors — Christina (@chrelisem) February 11, 2020
my first thought was, uh where did that recessive gene red hair come from? and then my coffee kicked in and I thought, OH, *that's* where all recessive genes are coming from. — DrEmm (@DrEmmpainpsych1) February 11, 2020
Fabien and Yvette had three children. Who's poor Daniel going to marry? — Si Fuller, a cautionary tale (@Fuller_Si) February 11, 2020
Fabius the Loremaster was reminded of the classic thriller, Deliverance.
[BANJO STARTS PLAYING FURIOUSLY] https://t.co/5ECJQgFgQA — Fabius the Loremaster (@Wizmina_Sardino) February 12, 2020
via GIPHY
READ MORE
90 seconds of highlights from Danny Dyer’s “Who Do You Think You Are?”
Source John B. Cole Image John B. Cole


thepoke--2020-02-14--Roses are red, violets are blue – these 18 headlines are poetry too

At the time of writing , it ’ s Saint Valentine ’ s Day , loved by card manufacturers and @ @ @ @ @ as the mark-up on 50g of chocolate increases tenfold .
Rhymes that begin “ Roses @ @ @ @ @ been employed to send messages of devotion to the objects of people ’ s affection @ @ @ @ @ they ’ re also useful for something else – really setting off unusual headlines .
@ @ @ @ @ examples .

Pics
At the time of writing, it’s Saint Valentine’s Day, loved by card manufacturers and restaurateurs the world over, as the mark-up on 50g of chocolate increases tenfold.
Rhymes that begin “Roses are red” have long been employed to send messages of devotion to the objects of people’s affection on this day, but they’re also useful for something else – really setting off unusual headlines.
Like this:
Here are some other hilarious examples.
1.
Roses are red
Violets are blue… pic.twitter.com/yzSmqG3plX — Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 13, 2020
2.
Roses are red
Love is the feeling https://t.co/pUei3oscC4 — David Lewis (@davidclewis) February 12, 2020
3.
Roses are red, I feel an air of doom, pic.twitter.com/o69JeFsN6Y — Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) February 13, 2020
4.
Roses are red
Kids love play dough… pic.twitter.com/N3LpxCEDMS — GingerLee (@glee_writes) February 7, 2020
5.
6.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, pic.twitter.com/goljQjFHEU — Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳🌈 (@craiguito) September 6, 2017
7.
Roses are red
Footballs are spheres pic.twitter.com/vJsEvxL6Dp — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) August 15, 2016
8.
Roses are red
Violets are blue pic.twitter.com/Hl9TlaxiKO — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) August 5, 2016
9.


thepoke--2020-02-14--People shared the slightly wrong phrases they’ve heard- our 23 favourites

Artist Moose Allain is known for his distinctive style and devious punnery , with numerous books and prints out in @ @ @ @ @ s also a Twitter favourite , often prompting his many followers to respond to his @ @ @ @ @ Moose recently told this story of a slightly bemusing turn of phrase .
There followed @ @ @ @ @ odd things people had heard , and we ’ ve chosen some to share .

Twitter
Artist Moose Allain is known for his distinctive style and devious punnery, with numerous books and prints out in the world.
He’s also a Twitter favourite, often prompting his many followers to respond to his anecdotes with similar tales.
Moose recently told this story of a slightly bemusing turn of phrase.
A visit from the chap who services our boiler. He’s been ill, but responded to our “How are you?” with “Still alive! Which makes a change”. Had me scratching my head. — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 12, 2020
There followed a delightful flood of similarly odd things people had heard, and we’ve chosen some to share.
1.
An engineer working on my printing press once said to me:
“The thing with blue cheese is, you either love it or you hate it… me? I don’t mind it”. — Neil (@_Enanem_) February 13, 2020
2.
A coworker rearranged her office furniture to “improve the karma sutra.” She meant feng shui. — Sunny Pirhana Dentures (@Lompocaloca) February 12, 2020
3.
I once overheard a conversation where a wife was complaining to her husband about one of her friends who was “always going off on a tandem”. He looked at me and I had to look quickly down at my book. — Dave Rodney (@daverodney) February 12, 2020
4.
A colleague said her landlord was suffering in the hot weather as he had to wear robes. “He’s an orthopaedic Jew,” she explained. — Lucie Toblerone (@msloobylou) February 12, 2020
5.
I remember my builder telling me about the time he left his van on a double yellow for 30 seconds, and "sure as eggs would have it" he got a ticket. We both knew that wasn't quite right but we couldn't figure out exactly where he'd gone wrong so we just carried on. — Dean Bullen (@deanbullen) February 12, 2020
6.
Worked with someone in a call centre who when asked “how are you?” answered with “happy as the day is Larry” — Stevie Jackson (@bobby__peru) February 12, 2020
7.
I once said to a friend that “I’m not just stupid” instead of “not just a pretty face”. It has stuck. But that’s unfortunate when I use it on other people, by mistake! — Louise Leigh does it! (@speshmagiclady) February 12, 2020
8.
My other half says " you can be rest assured". Drives me mad — lorna howie (@lhowie13) February 12, 2020
9.
My Mum says "As A.S.A.P. as possible."
Without a trace of irony. — Hilliat Fields (@hilliatfields) February 12, 2020
10.
My sister in law is wonderful for these. "I'm going to go and live on my own like a Kermit" "Well you know a leper can't change his spots" "I'm like the methodical son" — MonkeyDog (@monkeydogify) February 13, 2020
11.
“Why are you bringing these people here, you know this place is my refuse.” From a friends boyfriend in New York when she bought eight of us back from a bar. — James Brown (@jamesjamesbrown) February 13, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-14--Rory Stewart has slept in the homes of more than 500 strangers – 9 hilarious reactions

In a bid to get to know London ’ s 32 boroughs better and improve his chances of winning the @ @ @ @ @ Conservative , Rory Stewart , has asked people to put him up for a night @ @ @ @ @ He ’ ll bring the chocolates .
When discussing the challenges of deciding where to @ @ @ @ @ he has stayed in the homes of more than 500 people , sometimes simply turning @ @ @ @ @ shared the news on Twitter .
Having already had something of a feeding frenzy over @ @ @ @ @ people weren ’ t quite ready to let this new information pass unremarked .
Adrian @ @ @ @ @ to share with us all .
Should we be laying down humane traps ?
Rory @ @ @ @ @ him up for the night – the 9 funniest comments

Twitter
In a bid to get to know London’s 32 boroughs better and improve his chances of winning the London mayoral election, former Conservative, Rory Stewart, has asked people to put him up for a night and show him around. He’ll bring the chocolates.
When discussing the challenges of deciding where to stay, he revealed that he has stayed in the homes of more than 500 people, sometimes simply turning up.
The New European shared the news on Twitter.
Rory Stewart claims he's slept in more than 500 strangers' homes https://t.co/NFByPglf8C — The New European (@TheNewEuropean) February 12, 2020
Having already had something of a feeding frenzy over the #ComeKipWithMe hashtag, people weren’t quite ready to let this new information pass unremarked.
1.
In your lifetime you will eat 8 Rory Stewarts in your sleep https://t.co/P25BUAhl3W — Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) February 13, 2020
2.
This headline made me spin round and look under the bed https://t.co/S4EwzQn7wA — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 13, 2020
3.
4.
So has your mum, but she doesn't go on about it. https://t.co/jdSFW78shR — Stephen Graham (@PlopGazette) February 13, 2020
5.
He's even fussier about beds and porridge than Goldilocks. https://t.co/sE1hmMH9gr — David QC (@DavidMuttering) February 13, 2020
6.
I hope he has regular STI checks. https://t.co/WLcnS3w06s — Hannah Al-Othman (@HannahAlOthman) February 13, 2020
7.
Rory Stewart may actually be IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW. Check your loft and shed. https://t.co/koTiavmGW8 — Margaret P Houston (@HoustonMargaret) February 12, 2020
8.
Post your Tinder profile @RoryStewartUK or it didn't happen. https://t.co/k9Qh08TLZJ — James Bloodworth (@J_Bloodworth) February 13, 2020
9.
Rory Stewart is about a fortnight away from appearing on Love Island https://t.co/5PZ2mAYW3h — _j_o_n_ (@AScribbledEagle) February 13, 2020
Adrian Bott had this startling fact to share with us all.
You are never more than six feet away from a Rory Stewart. In cities, the distance drops to a mere three feet. https://t.co/d290JizRUx — Adrian Bott (@Cavalorn) February 13, 2020
Should we be laying down humane traps?
READ MORE
Rory Stewart wants Londoners to put him up for the night – the 9 funniest comments
Source The New European Image BBC, Guardian


thepoke--2020-02-14--21 nice things that gave us a warm feeling inside this week

Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that made us feel good inside .
18 @ @ @ @ @ feel-good this week

Twitter
Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that made us feel good inside.
1.
Y’all ever saw a owl run pic.twitter.com/RDAjAeCvZl — (@NewYorkNeek) February 7, 2020
2.
held my thumb until he fell asleep❤ pic.twitter.com/j3SfKrgZzI — spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) January 15, 2020
3.
This is the moment a beluga whale returns a women’s iPhone after she drops it into the water by accident in Hammerfest harbour, Norway. pic.twitter.com/fWqow8ISy7 — Science girl (@gunsnrosesgirl3) February 6, 2020
4.
This should make your day ❤❤ pic.twitter.com/FXHBkbLxlx — ~ (@playful_heart) February 8, 2020
5.
6.
Niblo wishes everyone a lovely day… pic.twitter.com/soxeN1oCUo — Anthony Hopkins (@AnthonyHopkins) February 8, 2020
7.
i say this with nothing but love in my heart, but the arabian sand boa is the dumbest fucking animal ive ever seen pic.twitter.com/vadpsJCaC6 — ˗ˏˋ ˎˊ˗ (@larsaddams) February 7, 2020
8.
This image was sent to me with explanation that the keeper forgot to put the frames in so bees built as they felt fit. Airflow/temp regulation!
Bees know best. A maze Zing. Beautiful #BeekeepersHour pic.twitter.com/2t6dYkhAJb — Gervase Evans (@Gsharptools) February 6, 2020
9.
10.
We need more of this kind of joy in the world pic.twitter.com/8rPjR1ZhY4 — Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) February 9, 2020
11.
12.
Bees working together to remove the cap from a honey bottle. pic.twitter.com/WIGFvlkmKA — Earth’s Beauty (@PhysicsAndAstr1) February 8, 2020
13.
Somewhere in the world, there are cats on sheep. #Caturday pic.twitter.com/sMVxGxb9So — ❄ Dexter #NeverTrump (@SoyBoyManBun) February 8, 2020
14.
15.
Storm Ciara, took her toll on this lad, he was for dead 4 hours ago. Thanks to my wife for ICU. pic.twitter.com/qGzVXdMQ8n — Thomas Crummy (@ThomasCrummy) February 8, 2020
16.
17.
This is Oliver, I found him a couple weeks ago on my front lawn, his former owners abandoned him. Most unexpected birthday present ever! pic.twitter.com/W8qJh7yCMZ — Michael’s Cat (@michaelscat2) February 8, 2020
18.
A boy came up to me asking me how to skate backwards. I helped him most of the night. I was taking off my skates and he came up to me thanking me for helping him & inquired about my plans for 10/10/20. He said well I’m having my 9th birthday party here & I would like you to come pic.twitter.com/TItR188nGh — young mæster ⚡🇵🇦 (@thedrdom) February 9, 2020
19.
since this is getting a lot of attention on all my other social media it felt appropriate to post it here too 💀 pic.twitter.com/bqXGI0iGPS — Gabbie (@gabbiefoote) February 10, 2020
20.
This is what pure love looks like ❤❤ pic.twitter.com/Aym0yYo5aS — Akki (@akkitwts) February 10, 2020
21.
‘This little guy always brings some dried seed to trade for some nuts’ pic.twitter.com/oZX8mEL2ib — Ocean going chicken from ‘ull (@fathoms_deep) February 10, 2020
READ MORE:
18 nice things that made us feel-good this week


thepoke--2020-02-14--Reward Stickers for Adults – because we’re worth it

It ’ s bloody tough being at adult at times and we often don ’ t get any credit for @ @ @ @ @ , especially the small things .
That ’ s why we ’ ve come up @ @ @ @ @ for things we feel should be recognised as pretty important daily achievements .
And here @ @ @ @ @ s not so much a reward sticker , but more one that ’ s for @ @ @ @ @ ok to brag about .
The Facebook Reward Stickers we all need The Twitter Reward @ @ @ @ @ been waiting for

Exclusive
It’s bloody tough being at adult at times and we often don’t get any credit for all the things we do, especially the small things. That’s why we’ve come up with some adult reward stickers for things we feel should be recognised as pretty important daily achievements.
And here’s one that’s not so much a reward sticker, but more one that’s for something that it’s ok to brag about.
READ MORE:
The Facebook Reward Stickers we all need
The Twitter Reward Stickers you’ve all been waiting for


thepoke--2020-02-14--The twist in this Brexiteer’s tale in 4 tweets is very funny and grimly predictable

On the one hand this is just a handful of tweets by a bloke called Colin who voted Brexit .
@ @ @ @ @ you read all 4 of these in sequence ( handily collated by @ scottwilks on @ @ @ @ @ so much about Brexit ( and where the country is now ) that it hurts @ @ @ @ @ in close-up .
Oof !
Who could possibly have seen that coming ?
A Brexiteer @ @ @ @ @ long queue at an EU airport went viral because it ’ s the ultimate self-own

Twitter
On the one hand this is just a handful of tweets by a bloke called Colin who voted Brexit.
On the other, if you read all 4 of these in sequence (handily collated by @scottwilks on Twitter) then it says so much about Brexit (and where the country is now) that it hurts.
A story in 4 acts. What a twist at the end though. *lets out world's biggest sigh* pic.twitter.com/pchAB2ETNc — Scott (@scottwilks) February 14, 2020
And here they are in close-up.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Oof! Who could possibly have seen that coming?
READ MORE
A Brexiteer’s moan about a long queue at an EU airport went viral because it’s the ultimate self-own
Source Twitter @scottwilks


thepoke--2020-02-14--This Daily Mail ‘coronavirus panic’ story was destroyed by its own reader comments and it’s a very s

This Daily Mail ‘coronavirus panic’ story was destroyed by its own reader comments and it’s a very satisfying read

To the Daily Mail , which reported that spreading panic about coronavirus had left London ’ s Chinatown totally and @ @ @ @ @ that , they had the pictures to prove it .
Except there was a whole @ @ @ @ @ to tell the Mail that this simply wasn ’ t true , if only they @ @ @ @ @ .
And they really didn ’ t have to go far to look for them @ @ @ @ @ in the Daily Mail reader comments , as highlighted by the tireless @ DMReporter .
@ @ @ @ @ Daily Mail readers ’ objections to the new John Lewis boss are totally predictable yet @ @ @ @ @ can follow @ DMReporter here .

News
To the Daily Mail, which reported that spreading panic about coronavirus had left London’s Chinatown totally and utterly deserted. Not only that, they had the pictures to prove it.
Except there was a whole bunch of people queuing up to tell the Mail that this simply wasn’t true, if only they’d listen to them.
And they really didn’t have to go far to look for them, because they were all in the Daily Mail reader comments, as highlighted by the tireless @DMReporter.
FEAR: The Mail goes out in the middle of the night to get photographs of a deserted Chinatown for their ‘#CoronaVirus panic’ story. Thankfully, in this instance, literally nobody is believing a word of this manipulative and blatantly racist reporting. pic.twitter.com/TKKYkbw2KY — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) February 14, 2020
And here they are.
SIDENOTE: The Mail have devoted a significant portion of their racist scapegoating of Chinese people to report on how racist scapegoating is having a negative impact on Chinese people. Isn’t it weird how actions have consequences? pic.twitter.com/oVeJoAQJIC — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) February 14, 2020
READ MORE
Daily Mail readers’ objections to the new John Lewis boss are totally predictable yet still utterly shocking
And you can follow @DMReporter here.
Source Twitter @DMReporter


thepoke--2020-02-17--Whoever laid these 12 incredibly irritating floors wants to watch the world burn

If you ’ re the type of person who can ’ t be in the same room as a crooked @ @ @ @ @ these images of floors are going to really set your teeth on edge .
It @ @ @ @ @ they ’ ve been laid badly on purpose .

Pics
If you’re the type of person who can’t be in the same room as a crooked picture without fixing it, these images of floors are going to really set your teeth on edge.
It’s almost as though they’ve been laid badly on purpose.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.


thepoke--2020-02-17--This man’s attempt to find the owner of a lost phone ends in very funny failure

Pretty sure it ’ s not the first time we ’ ve read this exchange but it still makes us @ @ @ @ @ , at least for a moment or two ) .
Someone texted the wrong number @ @ @ @ @ always as entertaining as this

Pics
Pretty sure it’s not the first time we’ve read this exchange but it still makes us laugh (and more than a little bit confused, if we’re absolutely honest with you).
Just the perfect payoff.
READ MORE
Someone texted the wrong number and if only it was always as entertaining as this
Image Pexels
Source Reddit u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U


thepoke--2020-02-17--The squirrel on a greasy pole video has had an Olaf Falafel makeover – and now it’s perfect

Just about everybody must have seen the clip of a squirrel gamely attempting to climb a pole to a bird-feeder @ @ @ @ @ of the house had liberally applied grease to prevent just such a raid .
If @ @ @ @ @ % of the population that hasn ’ t , here ’ s what happened .
@ @ @ @ @ to the top , it definitely deserves the treat that awaits .
Author , comedian @ @ @ @ @ Falafel , has given the clip a little Olaf makeover , and it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ , it ’ s what Westlife were formed for .
“ Mum was fed up @ @ @ @ @ the bird food so she greased the feeder !
”

Videos
Just about everybody must have seen the clip of a squirrel gamely attempting to climb a pole to a bird-feeder, even though the woman of the house had liberally applied grease to prevent just such a raid.
If you are in the 0.5% of the population that hasn’t, here’s what happened.
If it ever makes it to the top, it definitely deserves the treat that awaits.
Author, comedian and Twitter essential, Olaf Falafel, has given the clip a little Olaf makeover, and it’s a bit special.
I could be wrong but I think the squirrel sliding down a greasy pole video is even funnier when reversed and set to Westlife. pic.twitter.com/iSlXIx5Hrb — Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) February 12, 2020
Honestly, it’s what Westlife were formed for.
READ MORE
“Mum was fed up of the squirrels stealing all the bird food so she greased the feeder!”
Source Olaf Falafel Image r/aww Olaf Falafel


thepoke--2020-02-17--This person said Valentine’s Day was for ‘married heterosexuals only’ and the takedown will warm you

This person said Valentine’s Day was for ‘married heterosexuals only’ and the takedown will warm your heart

Early contender here for takedown of the week , this person who tried to claim that Valentine ’ s Day @ @ @ @ @ married heterosexuals only ’ ( how boring would that be ? )
Let ’ s @ @ @ @ @ as much as we did .
19 funniest “ roses are red ” tweets that @ @ @ @ @ even if you don ’ t want to

Pics
Early contender here for takedown of the week, this person who tried to claim that Valentine’s Day was the preserve of ‘married heterosexuals only’ (how boring would that be?)
Let’s hope they loved the response as much as we did.
READ MORE
19 funniest “roses are red” tweets that’ll make you laugh even if you don’t want to
Source Reddit u/Toodle122
Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-17--Peter Crouch turned this snarky comment into a match-winning own goal

One more reason to love Peter Crouch is this exchange on Twitter which began with a chap called Darren taking @ @ @ @ @ great man how much he loved his podcast .
Not everyone was impressed , however @ @ @ @ @ s podcast , but with the idea that the footballer turned author and broadcaster might @ @ @ @ @ .
So when this happened there was no doubt who was our man of the @ @ @ @ @ ’ t Bryony .
And it ’ s not the first time Crouch has won @ @ @ @ @ ( mildly NSFW ) exchange ?
And we enjoyed his answer to this chap too @ @ @ @ @ had the perfect response to this picture of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex ( @ @ @ @ @ it coming )

Twitter
One more reason to love Peter Crouch is this exchange on Twitter which began with a chap called Darren taking the time to tell the great man how much he loved his podcast.
Not everyone was impressed, however. Not with Crouch’s podcast, but with the idea that the footballer turned author and broadcaster might take the time to respond.
So when this happened there was no doubt who was our man of the match. And it wasn’t Bryony.
Boom!
And it’s not the first time Crouch has won at Twitter. Remember this? Readers of a sensitive dispassion, LOOK AWAY NOW.
And we enjoyed his answer to this chap too.
A listener asked @PeterCrouch the old ‘tall people/lightbulb’ question 💡😬 His answer is a message for tall people everywhere! 💪🤣 Subscribe to That Peter Crouch podcast:
⚽📱 https://t.co/et9WRHZioi pic.twitter.com/p9c8EzEqvI — BBC 5 Live Sport (@5liveSport) October 16, 2018
READ MORE
Peter Crouch had the perfect response to this picture of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (and you can probably see it coming)
Source Reddit u/lillyreidceramics


thepoke--2020-02-17--The skill of this pilot landing at Heathrow in Storm Dennis is awe-inspiring and terrifying

This video of a pilot landing a plane at Heathrow in the middle of Storm Dennis is both awe-inspiring and @ @ @ @ @ of a flight battling strong winds had us reaching for the sick bag just watching

Videos
This video of a pilot landing a plane at Heathrow in the middle of Storm Dennis is both awe-inspiring and terrifying.
Wow.
This isn’t piloting; this man is king of the sky!
I watch 380s land at LAX and that is a lot of plane to hold in the air that long, that well, at that speed. Great aircraft. Fantastic pilot. — Daniel Reyes (@sharezone_io) February 15, 2020
Once committed, you have to land, Skillful flying there though with that gust keeping the plane crabbed just at the moment of touch down. Strong right rudder braking in play there I think 😉 — Angela Bailey (@Angela_J_Bailey) February 15, 2020
Kudos to the pilot that's some very impressive flying right there. — ⚫ Adam Frankenberg #FBPE 🇪🇺 🇮🇱 🕷 (@adamfrankenberg) February 15, 2020
READ MORE
This amazing footage of a flight battling strong winds had us reaching for the sick bag just watching
Source Twitter @AeronewsGlobal


thepoke--2020-02-17--So Solid Crew’s ’21 Seconds’ is a lot cleverer than any of us realised

So Solid Crew ’ s co-operative rap , 21 Seconds , was a massive UK hit in 2001 , and @ @ @ @ @ as it ’ s a catchy , slick , accessible recording .
But that ’ @ @ @ @ @ Harry Baker has analysed the song , and unearthed some mind-blowing facts .
And we @ @ @ @ @ rhymes .
Harry ’ s analysis went down very well with , presumably , the @ @ @ @ @ and we mean that as a compliment .
In fact , Harry himself was so @ @ @ @ @ , he wrote and performed a tribute , and this is it .
Now that @ @ @ @ @ deeper layers , you might want to have another listen to the original .
Or @ @ @ @ @ not the boss of you .
That time when people added 100s of fake names @ @ @ @ @ s Wikipedia page is still the funniest thing we ’ ve read

Videos
So Solid Crew’s co-operative rap, 21 Seconds, was a massive UK hit in 2001, and it’s not surprising as it’s a catchy, slick, accessible recording.
But that’s not all – poet Harry Baker has analysed the song, and unearthed some mind-blowing facts.
My mathematical analysis of So Solid Crew's 21 Seconds. pic.twitter.com/aPUh2QKNNJ — Harry Baker (@harrybakerpoet) February 14, 2020
And we thought they were just spitting rhymes. Harry’s analysis went down very well with, presumably, the nerdier side of Twitter – and we mean that as a compliment.
Why has this not had 21 million RTs? Genius. https://t.co/4rdpY91KNc — Blackadder4Britain QC (@WeDoNotLearn73) February 15, 2020
Whatever your interests or discipline, this is the best piece of analysis you'll see today. https://t.co/IbMg7rmqDD — mina naguib (@mina_el_naguib) February 16, 2020
Maths + UK Garage, are you kidding me, this is like my dream 😍 https://t.co/ftr8ijofF9 — Harvinder Bhamra (@Harry_Bhamra) February 16, 2020
In fact, Harry himself was so impressed by the mathematical undercurrent, he wrote and performed a tribute, and this is it.
Now that you’ve seen the deeper layers, you might want to have another listen to the original. Or not – we’re not the boss of you.
READ MORE
That time when people added 100s of fake names to So Solid Crew’s Wikipedia page is still the funniest thing we’ve read
Source Harry Baker Image Harry Baker So Solid Crew


thepoke--2020-02-17--This bizarre job description raises a lot more questions than it answers

There are limits to what a prospective employer can put in a job vacancy advert , and they definitely aren ’ t allowed to make stipulations like these .
Redditors had questions about the bizarre post – and theories .
Right ?
I can see someone needing a personal shopper for groceries or Target/Walmart runs , but this person ’ s need for Pottery Barn shopping is oddly specific .
And they can ’ t go because of a new personal fitness routine ?
Were they maybe in the Pottery Barn trying to bench displays or something ?
So many @ @ @ @ @ @ @ personal theory is that she has been banned from PB and just wants to be on facetime in that store so she can resume screaming at an employee .
.
What kind of Pottery Barn shopping requires one to be in “ peak physical condition ” .
The kind where you ’ re stealing living room sets from the sales floor .
Obviously .
Redditor indefinitallie had just one wish .
I think this goes further than ‘ broke it but didn ’ t buy it ’ .
They have some real issues @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this job , but also hope they ’ re a Reddit user so that I can find out how this all turns to shit .
We can but hope .
This job description for a live-in nanny and ‘ household manager ’ went viral because it ’ s totally bonkers

Weird World
There are limits to what a prospective employer can put in a job vacancy advert, and they definitely aren’t allowed to make stipulations like these.
Redditors had questions about the bizarre post – and theories.
Right? I can see someone needing a personal shopper for groceries or Target/Walmart runs, but this person’s need for Pottery Barn shopping is oddly specific. And they can’t go because of a new personal fitness routine? Were they maybe in the Pottery Barn trying to bench displays or something? So many layers on this onion. MamieJoJackson
What type of personal training regimen specifically precludes one from shopping at Pottery Barn? . newtoreddir
Okay my personal theory is that she has been banned from PB and just wants to be on facetime in that store so she can resume screaming at an employee. . morecoffeepleeease
No visible blemishes to ensure the store workers don’t have an easy way to identify the shopper to the police. steak_wellDone
·
What kind of Pottery Barn shopping requires one to be in “peak physical condition” . loverlyone The kind where you’re stealing living room sets from the sales floor. Obviously. seventhirtytwoam
Redditor indefinitallie had just one wish.
I think this goes further than ‘broke it but didn’t buy it’. They have some real issues. I pity the soul that takes this job, but also hope they’re a Reddit user so that I can find out how this all turns to shit.
We can but hope.
READ MORE
This job description for a live-in nanny and ‘household manager’ went viral because it’s totally bonkers
Source r/ChoosingBeggars Image r/ChoosingBeggars, YouTube


thepoke--2020-02-17--Confirmation of Indiana Jones 5 whipped up a Twitter frenzy

Almost 40 years after the release of Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981 , Disney has announced that filming @ @ @ @ @ Indiana Jones 5 ’ .
Some people were a little concerned that the eponymous hero @ @ @ @ @ 77-year-old , Harrison Ford , while others were worried that it might be terrible and @ @ @ @ @ reputation even more than the last one – which was widely panned .
And these @ @ @ @ @ saw .
This exchange between Dalton DIMES and Toru Nanamine was replicated several times over @ @ @ @ @ new Indiana Jones script and it ’ s a winner

Twitter
Almost 40 years after the release of Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, Disney has announced that filming will begin shortly on ‘Indiana Jones 5’.
Some people were a little concerned that the eponymous hero will be played by a 77-year-old, Harrison Ford, while others were worried that it might be terrible and ruin the franchise’s reputation even more than the last one – which was widely panned.
Here’s the confirmation.
Jock, start the engine! Indiana Jones 5 is coming! 🤠 pic.twitter.com/95qv7XxJK8 — IGN (@IGN) February 15, 2020
And these were the best reactions we saw.
1.
Indiana Jones and the Last of the Summer Wine https://t.co/B0mLdpwEjc — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) February 15, 2020
2.
Indiana Jones 5 to start shooting in April pic.twitter.com/GgSXAyU71n — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) February 15, 2020
3.
Indiana Jones And The Having To Get Up For A Wee In The Middle Of The Night. https://t.co/4xIT8FQcNR — Davey Six-Toes (@HutchinsonDave) February 15, 2020
4.
Indiana Jones and the Bottom of the Barrel https://t.co/ym60ZBBHqg — Mr Farty (@MrFarty) February 15, 2020
5.
"Yeah but have we done one where Harrison Ford is the ancient artifact?" https://t.co/YWatGXDZKs — The Laughter of Apes (@Risus_Simiae) February 15, 2020
6.
Indiana Jones and the Incontinence Pads of Doom https://t.co/MXIfgGkLWA — Theo (@tprstly) February 15, 2020
7.
Raiders of the Lost Reading Specs. https://t.co/wmvc66teSe — Ian Power (@IHPower) February 15, 2020
This exchange between Dalton DIMES and Toru Nanamine was replicated several times over.
Time to ruin it like Star Wars — Dalton DIMES (@bostonbreed97) February 15, 2020
It was already ruined with crystal skull can’t get any worse for me — Toru Nanamine (@Sithward73) February 15, 2020
via Gfycat
READ MORE
First look at the new Indiana Jones script and it’s a winner
Source IGN Image Happy Toast


thepoke--2020-02-17--People are laughing at the Trump fan who was fooled by this bogus Keanu

Some people can be represented very easily in avatar form , and it ’ s usually because they have a @ @ @ @ @ , like Elton John , for example , or Donald Trump .
That kind of @ @ @ @ @ misunderstandings , like when this antique-bike-restoring Trump supporter went to the Maryland Bike Show .
@ @ @ @ @ post was shared on Reddit , where people made these very entertaining comments .
As @ @ @ @ @ , the image turned up on Twitter .
There ’ s some highly paid lookalike @ @ @ @ @ , as long as it ’ s for Trump supporters .
Keanu Reeves is the @ @ @ @ @ and people don ’ t believe it

Pics
Some people can be represented very easily in avatar form, and it’s usually because they have a strong hair or glasses game, like Elton John, for example, or Donald Trump.
That kind of strong look can lead to misunderstandings, like when this antique-bike-restoring Trump supporter went to the Maryland Bike Show.
The screengrab of the now-deleted post was shared on Reddit, where people made these very entertaining comments.
I loved him in Will and Jed’s Exceptional Adventures CaptainPikePeak
“Be ok to each other” watchman28
Someone tried to draw Keanu from memory FBI_Agent_37
As these things tend to do, the image turned up on Twitter.
Who wants to tell him? pic.twitter.com/il2vKltSni — Zaki Hasan (@zakiscorner) February 15, 2020
When you order John Wick from Wish — Rik-2SO Villanueva (@CadBanesBounty) February 16, 2020
He'll just claim fake Keanu is fake news — Con O'Neill (@cononeilluk) February 16, 2020
There was a plot twist.
There’s some highly paid lookalike work waiting for that man, as long as it’s for Trump supporters.
READ MORE
Keanu Reeves is the same age as Victor Meldrew and people don’t believe it
Source r/facepalm Image r/facepalm


thepoke--2020-02-17--Our 7 favourite reactions to Richard Dawkins’ thoughts on eugenics

Scientist Richard Dawkins is an evolutionary biologist with a number of highly lauded books under his belt , and he @ @ @ @ @ for the Public Understanding of Science .
However , he ’ s more widely known @ @ @ @ @ with a bit of an issue with Islam in particular .
On Sunday , he @ @ @ @ @ – the science of “ improving ” the gene pool by removing elements considered to @ @ @ @ @ shared them with Twitter , as you do .
His thread caused a Twitter storm @ @ @ @ @ not everybody had a problem with his comments ; geneticist Adam Rutherford asked Twitter to @ @ @ @ @ Some people were horrified that he ’ d even broached the subject as a topic @ @ @ @ @ few took great issue with the idea that eugenics works on animals .

Twitter
Scientist Richard Dawkins is an evolutionary biologist with a number of highly lauded books under his belt, and he was the Oxford Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science.
However, he’s more widely known for being an outspoken atheist with a bit of an issue with Islam in particular.
On Sunday, he had some thoughts about eugenics – the science of “improving” the gene pool by removing elements considered to be less desirable.
He shared them with Twitter, as you do.
It’s one thing to deplore eugenics on ideological, political, moral grounds. It’s quite another to conclude that it wouldn’t work in practice. Of course it would. It works for cows, horses, pigs, dogs & roses. Why on earth wouldn’t it work for humans? Facts ignore ideology. — Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) February 16, 2020
For those determined to miss the point, I deplore the idea of a eugenic policy. I simply said deploring it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work. Just as we breed cows to yield more milk, we could breed humans to run faster or jump higher. But heaven forbid that we should do it. — Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) February 16, 2020
A eugenic policy would be bad. I’m combating the illogical step from “X would be bad” to “So X is impossible”. It would work in the same sense as it works for cows. Let’s fight it on moral grounds. Deny obvious scientific facts & we lose – or at best derail – the argument. — Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) February 16, 2020
His thread caused a Twitter storm to rival Dennis, but not everybody had a problem with his comments; geneticist Adam Rutherford asked Twitter to find a better diversion.
1) Dawkins explicitly didn’t endorse eugenics
2) that doesn’t mean he’s right. Genetics is wicked complex
3) for heavens sake go & do something else. It really doesn’t matter. It was a pointless thing to say, it’s pointless to go batshit about it. Go stroke a dog. Or something. — Dr Adam Rutherford (@AdamRutherford) February 16, 2020
Some people were horrified that he’d even broached the subject as a topic for discussion.
As an evolutionary biologist, it’s my responsibility to denounce this clown Richard Dawkins is now supporting eugenics, which is obviously indefensible pic.twitter.com/n1eKtr0hmw — Dr Julie Blommaert 👩🏼🔬 (@drjulie_b) February 16, 2020
The year is 2020 and eugenics is trending on Twitter. Appalling. — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) February 16, 2020
Quite a few took great issue with the idea that eugenics works on animals.
RICHARD DAWKINS: eugenics works in practice. It works for dogs.
GERMAN SHEPHERD: I was bred to work. I want to work. But my hips and joints are a wreck, I might have a clotting disorder, and may lose the use of my back legs. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but– yeah. IDK. pic.twitter.com/cqjWBu6Egq — BoosHund (@BoosHund) February 16, 2020
While Richard Dawkins is a noted biologist, his science on eugenics is bad. We turned magnificent wolves into pure breed dogs with severe genetic defects causing joint and heart problems and cancer. In fact, many Cavalier spaniels develop mitral valve and neurological disorders. — Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) February 16, 2020
It doesn't work for any of them. We have tried. It leads to inbreeding & horrendous mutations. Dawkins like always is actually shit at science due to his scientism. https://t.co/4q9uSJjlLI — A gaze association of Pebbles🏴🏴☠ (@aPebbleInTheSky) February 16, 2020
Others simply mocked him.
1.
I mean, the biggest problem with Richard Dawkins take on eugenics is that he'd probably consider his own traits to be superior and then the world would be full of insufferable assholes. — Nick Jack Pappas (@Pappiness) February 16, 2020
2.


thepoke--2020-02-17--This attempt to ask someone on a date went from bad to worse

It ’ s not easy asking someone on a date so people have a habit of coming up with ever @ @ @ @ @ and hilarious ! )
ways of doing it .
Although , back when we used @ @ @ @ @ thing , the furthest we got was ‘ would you like to go on a @ @ @ @ @ perhaps because that rarely ( never ) worked , this person thought they ’ d @ @ @ @ @ they ended with their head held high .
Sort of .
‘ He totally could @ @ @ @ @ even though she said yes.
’ this_is_balls “ Oh really ?
Well , how about @ @ @ @ @ These 22 terrible dates will make you seriously consider becoming a hermit

Popular
It’s not easy asking someone on a date so people have a habit of coming up with ever more extravagant and interesting (and hilarious!) ways of doing it.
Although, back when we used to do this sort of thing, the furthest we got was ‘would you like to go on a date?’
Anyway, perhaps because that rarely (never) worked, this person thought they’d try this.
At least they ended with their head held high. Sort of.
‘He totally could have made that line work even though she said yes.’ this_is_balls “Oh really? Well, how about a date?” MisterYanus
READ MORE
These 22 terrible dates will make you seriously consider becoming a hermit
Source Reddit u/Bismuth_Boi


thepoke--2020-02-17--Facepalm of the week

Facepalm of the week

Early contender for facepalm of the week is this person who isn ’ t happy they have to write their @ @ @ @ @ ‘ straight ’ isn ’ t an option .
And it begged another question .
@ @ @ @ @ not this week , another week )

Pics
Early contender for facepalm of the week is this person who isn’t happy they have to write their sexuality in this questionnaire because ‘straight’ isn’t an option.
And it begged another question.
‘Why isn’t homosexual an option? This is outrageous.’ ariodes
READ MORE
Facepalm of the week (not this week, another week)
Source Reddit u/xIorek_Byrnisonx


thepoke--2020-02-17--The Rock’s takedown of this guy who didn’t like Jumanji was a game-changer

An all-time classic takedown comes courtesy of Dwayne Johnson – AKA The Rock – who had a specific bone to @ @ @ @ @ .
Not the recent outing but the 2018 sequel and no matter how much you @ @ @ @ @ ll like him a bit more after this .
If you only read one Dwayne @ @ @ @ @ this one

Popular
An all-time classic takedown comes courtesy of Dwayne Johnson – AKA The Rock – who had a specific bone to pick about the Jumanji movie.
Not the recent outing but the 2018 sequel and no matter how much you like him, you’ll like him a bit more after this.
Boom.
READ MORE
If you only read one Dwayne Johnson joke, make it this one
Source Reddit u/TheFortWayneTrojan


thepoke--2020-02-17--‘It’s funny because it’s true’

‘It’s funny because it’s true’

The response to this story about millennials not buying diamonds went viral because , well , have a read for @ @ @ @ @ funny because it ’ s true , ’ said Gudakesa over on Reddit .
This @ @ @ @ @ Day was for ‘ married heterosexuals only ’ and the takedown will warm your heart

Twitter
The response to this story about millennials not buying diamonds went viral because, well, have a read for yourself.
It’s funny because it’s true,’ said Gudakesa over on Reddit.
READ MORE
This person said Valentine’s Day was for ‘married heterosexuals only’ and the takedown will warm your heart
Source Reddit u/Gudakesa


thepoke--2020-02-18--This Back to the Future deep fake with Tom Holland and Robert Downey Jr is a deeply weird and unsett

This Back to the Future deep fake with Tom Holland and Robert Downey Jr is a deeply weird and unsettling watch

It ’ s Back to the Future , but like you ’ ve never seen it before .
Why ?
@ @ @ @ @ and Robert Downey Jr. 2030 : “ What movie do you want to watch ?
@ @ @ @ @ “ Who do you want Indy to be ?
” “ Val Kilmer.
” “ @ @ @ @ @ ” GrandmaPoses

Videos
It’s Back to the Future, but like you’ve never seen it before. Why? Because it stars Tom Holland and Robert Downey Jr.
2030:
“What movie do you want to watch?”
“Indiana Jones.”
“Who do you want Indy to be?”
“Val Kilmer.”
“You always want Val Kilmer.”
GrandmaPoses
READ MORE
This deep fake of Bill Hader “becoming” Tom Cruise is freaking people out
Source YouTube H/T Reddit u/PatrickSlayZ


thepoke--2020-02-18--‘When things go from bad to worse in less than a second’

Brief , and to the point .
‘ Regardless of the cause .
This guy needs a hug and to @ @ @ @ @ ’ ll be ok. ” Feel for this guy .
I ’ ve had those @ @ @

Brief, and to the point.
‘Regardless of the cause. This guy needs a hug and to be told, “it’ll be ok.” Feel for this guy. I’ve had those days…’ RENDI13


thepoke--2020-02-18--This car has been painted in duct tape and it’s actually mightily impressive

This duct tape painted car went viral on Reddit because , well , just look at it ( you might @ @ @ @ @ appreciate the full grandeur ) .
The unlikely looking vehicle prompted a mixture of admiration @ @ @ @ @ both .
‘ I concur .
Do you know how hard it is to not @ @ @ @ @ !
?
’ purplevengeance ‘ This is actually so clean.
’ seanmcilhattonx ‘ Duct tape @ @ @ @ @ and hairs , then it also peels and curls .
Then the plastic separates from @ @ @ @ @ secondhand car ad is hilariously straight-talking and taking no nonsense whatsoever

Pics
This duct tape painted car went viral on Reddit because, well, just look at it (you might have to zoom in to appreciate the full grandeur).
The unlikely looking vehicle prompted a mixture of admiration and horror, and occasionally both.
‘That’s actually impressive.’ Enigmutt ‘I concur. Do you know how hard it is to not get wrinkles in duct tape!?’ purplevengeance ‘gonna look bad in 3 weeks though.’ PawsOfMotion ‘This is actually so clean.’ seanmcilhattonx ‘Duct tape is a magnet for dirt and hairs, then it also peels and curls. Then the plastic separates from the mesh.’ Powersoutdotcom
READ MORE
This secondhand car ad is hilariously straight-talking and taking no nonsense whatsoever
Source Reddit u/Cocktailprof


thepoke--2020-02-18--‘Dads naming boats might be my favourite thing ever’

There are boat names and then there are boat names .
And there are boats that are named by dads @

Pics
There are boat names and then there are boat names. And there are boats that are named by dads.
Source Reddit u/butchYbutch_


thepoke--2020-02-18--This cat keeping an eye on the pet cam is a very funny watch

‘ Got a pet cam to keep an eye on the cats .
Got a cat to keep an eye @ @ @ @ @ ’ says PoshNoob over on Reddit .
And you know what ?
He ’ s @ @ @ @ @ , you know who will have your back when the government rolls out the surveillance @ @ @ @ @ we have two types of dogs ’ is a very funny watch

Videos
‘Got a pet cam to keep an eye on the cats. Got a cat to keep an eye on the pet cam,’ says PoshNoob over on Reddit.
And you know what? He’s not kidding.
‘Well, you know who will have your back when the government rolls out the surveillance drones.’ kaerynx ‘BLINK MF.’ putifarrix
READ MORE
‘Here we have two types of dogs’ is a very funny watch
Source Reddit u/PoshNoob


thepoke--2020-02-18--Simply 11 times people outrageously faked illness or injury

Medical professionals are a treasure beyond price , as anyone who ’ s been seriously ill or in an accident @ @ @ @ @ medicine wasn ’ t as good as it is , a lot of us wouldn @ @ @ @ @ moan about it .
But not everybody who seeks the help of a doctor really @ @ @ @ @ stories from Reddit-using doctors demonstrate – and sometimes the fakery is outrageous .
Not everybody @ @ @ @ @ they don ’ t really need it is a faker .
Now that ’ s @ @ @ @ @ of change .

Weird World
Medical professionals are a treasure beyond price, as anyone who’s been seriously ill or in an accident can confirm. If modern medicine weren’t as good as it is, a lot of us wouldn’t be around to moan about it.
But not everybody who seeks the help of a doctor really needs it, as these stories from Reddit-using doctors demonstrate – and sometimes the fakery is outrageous.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Not everybody who seeks medical help when they don’t really need it is a faker.
Now that’s what we call the winds of change.
Source r/AskReddit Image r/AskReddit, @impulsq on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-18--‘Here we have two types of dogs’ is a very funny watch

This is just a brilliant illustration of the two types of dogs , shared on Reddit by unaviable .
Which @ @ @ @ @ cat swipes this dog ’ s turbo boost button and the payoff is A+++

Videos
This is just a brilliant illustration of the two types of dogs, shared on Reddit by unaviable.
Which one are you?
“Ugh, so uncivilized.”
“Indubitably.”
Necrodancer123
READ MORE
This cat swipes this dog’s turbo boost button and the payoff is A+++
Source Reddit u/unaviable


thepoke--2020-02-18--At least this mum’s fury confirms beyond all doubt she’s never done drugs before

It ’ s all very well telling people not to jump to conclusions but when you ’ re a parent @ @ @ @ @ irrational concerns about your children .
Like drugs , for instance , which were obviously @ @ @ @ @ mum ’ s mind when she found this .
In fact , it was the @ @ @ @ @ about .
Fortunately for her , her fears were unfounded .
Unfortunately for her , @ @ @ @ @ allowed to forget it .
‘ Mints !
or Drugs !
?
At least we @ @ @ @ @ never done drugs before , ’ said XxBraedynxX who posted it over on Reddit .
@ @ @ @ @ is too good to check .
A mum shared this girl ’ s killer takedown @ @ @ @ @ of us have doppelgängers

Pics
It’s all very well telling people not to jump to conclusions but when you’re a parent you have all sorts of irrational concerns about your children.
Like drugs, for instance, which were obviously at the forefront of this mum’s mind when she found this. In fact, it was the only thing she could think about.
Fortunately for her, her fears were unfounded. Unfortunately for her, she’ll never be allowed to forget it.
‘Mints! or Drugs!? At least we can confirm the mother has never done drugs before,’ said XxBraedynxX who posted it over on Reddit.
‘Mom fell for the oldest trick in the book. Crack cocaine with peppermint flavoring.’ imagine_amusing_name
Unlike the mints, this is too good to check.
READ MORE
A mum shared this girl’s killer takedown and it turned out lots of us have doppelgängers
Source Reddit u/XxBraedynxX


thepoke--2020-02-18--‘Idiot shows his true colours’

‘Idiot shows his true colours’

It ’ s always satisfying when someone points out another ’ s rank stupidity on Twitter ( only when they @ @ @ @ @ .
But it ’ s even better when they do it to themselves .
Idiot @ @ @ @ @ said lol62056 over on Reddit .
This all-time great self-own is out of this world

Pics
It’s always satisfying when someone points out another’s rank stupidity on Twitter (only when they deserve it, obviously).
But it’s even better when they do it to themselves.
‘Idiot shows his true stupidity,’ says lol62056 over on Reddit.
READ MORE
This all-time great self-own is out of this world
Source Reddit u/lol62056


thepoke--2020-02-18--This influencer’s clock is so very wrong people can’t believe no-one’s pointed it out

You ’ ve probably got a wrong clock or two in your house .
We ’ ve got more wrong @ @ @ @ @ But you probably haven ’ t got one as wrong as the one in this @ @ @ @ @ .
We ’ d launch a hunt to find out exactly who she is but @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t have the time .
Got a lot of followers though , by @ @ @ @ @ ‘ My step mom has this same clock and did the same exact thing .
@ @ @ @ @ a couple years until I said something a couple months ago.
’ vetelmo ‘ Even @ @ @ @ @ at roman numerals , surely it ’ s obvious which one is 1.
’ yatsey @ @ @ @ @ ’ re still wondering – of course you ’ re not still wondering !
– @ @ @ @ @ .
Something Is Wrong With These Photos

Pics
You’ve probably got a wrong clock or two in your house. We’ve got more wrong ones than right ones.
But you probably haven’t got one as wrong as the one in this so-called influencer’s house.
We’d launch a hunt to find out exactly who she is but, like her, we don’t have the time. Got a lot of followers though, by the looks of it.
‘¿ǝɯ oʇ ǝuıɟ sʞooן ʇı’ HorseBoxGuy ‘Australians.’ HxLeverage ‘My step mom has this same clock and did the same exact thing. It was like this for a couple years until I said something a couple months ago.’ vetelmo ‘Even if you’re shit at roman numerals, surely it’s obvious which one is 1.’ yatsey
And just in case you’re still wondering – of course you’re not still wondering! – the clock is upside down.
READ MORE
Something Is Wrong With These Photos
Source Reddit u/This-Bid


thepoke--2020-02-18--Not many rejections are as devastating as this one

We ’ ve all been there .
Okay then , we ’ ve been there .
‘ Can you even @ @ @ @ @ asked Shanksum over on Reddit .
But this is pretty savage too .
Shame the @ @ @ @ @ flexible , though .
This woman treated a waitress so badly that her boyfriend dumped @ @ @ @

Popular
We’ve all been there. Okay then, we’ve been there.
‘Can you even recover from this?’ asked Shanksum over on Reddit.
‘“A friend of mine.” Sure, buddy.’ ubersienna
But this is pretty savage too.
‘I knew a guy whose girlfriend decided to give him up for Lent. Pretty cold way to drop someone.’ cennamun
Shame the timing’s not more flexible, though.
READ MORE
This woman treated a waitress so badly that her boyfriend dumped her on the spot
Source Reddit u/Shanksum


thepoke--2020-02-18--A disappointed parent’s own words came back to bite them

Solutions to problems posted to the question and answer forum , Quora , are provided by members of the public , who may give great advice , or they may give terrible advice .
They also may simply administer seering burns – like this one .
It began with a question .
“ Poor parent ” , you might think , “ How sad that they ’ re being unfairly excluded like that.
” But no .
A very experienced Quora member wasn ’ t buying the innocent act at all .
He also did some digging , and this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ side they were on , and it wasn ’ t the complaining parent .
“ My 15 year old daughter made a mistake ( or the contraceptive failed ) so now she must be forced to raise a kid for the rest of her life ” .
Great logic .
Can ’ t we just let women do what they want with their bodies by now ?
Oh man .
I want to give this daughter the hugest hug and high five 😭 .
Having a dad like that must have been awful @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ m so sorry she had to endure childhood with such an asshole .
This bride ’ s fury at the niece who felt unable to make her wedding cake is off the scale

Weird World
Solutions to problems posted to the question and answer forum, Quora, are provided by members of the public, who may give great advice, or they may give terrible advice.
They also may simply administer seering burns – like this one. It began with a question.
“Poor parent”, you might think, “How sad that they’re being unfairly excluded like that.” But no.
A very experienced Quora member wasn’t buying the innocent act at all.
He also did some digging, and this was the zinger.
Redditors knew what side they were on, and it wasn’t the complaining parent.
“My 15 year old daughter made a mistake (or the contraceptive failed) so now she must be forced to raise a kid for the rest of her life”. Great logic. Can’t we just let women do what they want with their bodies by now? Mattock1987
Peter Flom, Knocking shitty mums down a peg. cheyneigh
Oh man. I want to give this daughter the hugest hug and high five 😭 . Having a dad like that must have been awful. Congrats on the wedding and I’m so sorry she had to endure childhood with such an asshole. totalitarianbnarbp
Redditor HiYoByeK called it …
Not the hero we want, the hero we need.
READ MORE
This bride’s fury at the niece who felt unable to make her wedding cake is off the scale
Source r/MurderedByWords Image u/oz_mouse, @alvarocvg on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-18--James Blunt had the perfect response for the unhappy husband who said this about his concert

And this is what Blunt said in response .
King of Twitter and all that .
Still , at least @ @ @ @ @ got better because then his wife found out what happened .
We think it ’ @ @ @ @ @ was excited .

Twitter
The things we do for love. Sat through a James Blunt concert in Manchester yesterday as he screeched at my wife. — David Carpin (@DavidCarpin) February 16, 2020
And this is what Blunt said in response.
A James Blunt mask and some lube would have saved you the trouble. https://t.co/meEPWQGad1 — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) February 17, 2020
King of Twitter and all that.
Never mind lube, he's going to need aloe vera on that burn. — Sarah A. Wilson (@SarahAW) February 17, 2020
Still, at least the bloke’s night got better because then his wife found out what happened.
I am the wife!! 😂 love you James! 😍 — Iraida Carpin (@iraidac11) February 17, 2020
We think it’s fair to say she was excited.
I love how James totally takes the piss out of himself, proves he is a legend in his own right 😁 — ɴιcĸy 💋 (@nickymisfit) February 17, 2020
READ MORE
13 funniest James Blunt comebacks of the year
Source Twitter @JamesBlunt Image YouTube grab


thepoke--2020-02-18--This map of “Free Independent England” isn’t quite what it should be

Now that Brexiters have – sort of – achieved their goal , some of them have obviously been inspired to @ @ @ @ @ on the list seems to be to kill off the BBC , but one chap @ @ @ @ @ For a self-styled patriot , he doesn ’ t seem to be too familiar with @ @ @ @ @ country , as some people pointed out .
That wasn ’ t the only issue @ @ @ @ @ Llan fixed the map .
The Mr. Men – and a Little Miss – as @ @ @ @ @ it should

Twitter
Now that Brexiters have – sort of – achieved their goal, some of them have obviously been inspired to take things further. First on the list seems to be to kill off the BBC, but one chap has even loftier aims.
For a self-styled patriot, he doesn’t seem to be too familiar with the geography of his own country, as some people pointed out.
1.
Not sure if you’ve noticed mate but you’ve included Wales in yer map 🙄🙄🙄 — SMcK #indyref2 🐏🏴⭐⭐ (@StephenMcKerro1) February 15, 2020
2.
Wales doesn't fancy that map. London, Liverpool, Cambridge, Newcastle, Bristol, Leeds, Oxford, Manchester, neither. — Malex (@markpalexander) February 15, 2020
3.
Why have you included Wales? 😡 — DonnaW🏴 (@DonnaWarburton1) February 15, 2020
That wasn’t the only issue.
4.
Kingdom or a Republic, which one will it be Jimmy? pic.twitter.com/EcykC2T28o — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 17, 2020
5.
Republic? We have a Queen, mate. — Chrissie Grech (v) 🐟🌱 🇪🇺 (@ChrissieGrech) February 16, 2020
6.
No wait! Just 3 months ago it was The Kingdom of England & Wales. Will visit again in June to see if The Kingdom of Mercia is back in the running again. pic.twitter.com/T7UKD2Cd6c — Andy Ballingall #MakeVotesMatter 🇪🇺🇬🇧🇩🇪🤝 (@cnapan) February 16, 2020
7.
I'm really upset at the demise of The Kingdom of England & Wales (or #Wangland for short) as a concept. I made a flag and everything. pic.twitter.com/3Up5bEO9Q7 — Andy Ballingall #MakeVotesMatter 🇪🇺🇬🇧🇩🇪🤝 (@cnapan) February 16, 2020
The very helpful Nic Llan fixed the map.
And now for the reality: pic.twitter.com/tseXOlIFAc — Nic Llan (@Nicllan) February 15, 2020
via Gfycat
READ MORE
The Mr. Men – and a Little Miss – as Brexiters works far better than it should
Source James Blake Image James Blake, Royal Society of St. George


thepoke--2020-02-18--Comeback of the week

Comeback of the week

The best comebacks are sometimes the simplest , which is why this one is so good .
Plus , you @ @ @ @ @ know the context , which makes it even better .
Miguel Delaney is a sports @ @ @ @ @ anyway , we said you didn ’ t need the context , so here goes @ @ @ @ @ goal here is him basically fully admitting to thinking he ’ s never wrong .
@ @ @ @ @ the insult.
’ interfail ‘ His name is clearly Bave you idiot.
’ minhdajkaka He @ @ @ @ @ lie , but by then it was too late .
Twitter exchange of the week @ @ @ @ @ a while back )

The best comebacks are sometimes the simplest and the most irritating, which is why this one is so good.
Boom.
‘The real own goal here is him basically fully admitting to thinking he’s never wrong. Way to lean right into the insult.’ interfail
‘His name is clearly Bave you idiot.’ minhdajkaka


thepoke--2020-02-18--This entitled guy’s attempt to find a new place to live beggars belief (the free bit is only the sta

This entitled guy’s attempt to find a new place to live beggars belief (the free bit is only the start)

There are so many conditions attached to this guy ’ s attempt to find a new place to live it @ @ @ @ @ conditions , but one important exception – they ’ re ‘ naturally ’ not paying @ @ @ @ @ s the ad in full .
And here are our favourite things people said about @ @ @ @ @ ” Master of the drums ” oh no.
’ xmlWUT ‘ A live in housekeeper @ @ @ @ @ make the rules.
’ Tiefy1 ‘ Naturally , I wouldn ’ t be able to @ @ @ @ @ of nature you nurturing over there ?
?
’ BaxterSea ‘ Cowabunga was the sprinkle @ @ @ @ @ room-for-rent is the best escape room ever – if you can get in

Popular
There are so many conditions attached to this guy’s attempt to find a new place to live it beggars belief.
Not only conditions, but one important exemption – they’re not paying rent. ‘Naturally.’
So here’s the ad in full.
And here are our favourite things people said about it on Reddit.
‘”Master of the drums” oh no.’ xmlWUT ‘A live in housekeeper doesn’t get to make the rules.’ Tiefy1 ‘Naturally, I wouldn’t be able to pay rent … What kind of nature you nurturing over there ??’ BaxterSea ‘Cowabunga was the sprinkle on top.’ mrdoubleyeww
READ MORE
This room-for-rent is the best escape room ever – if you can get in
Source Reddit u/missthrowaway87


thepoke--2020-02-18--A government adviser has resigned after a row about his views on women, race and eugenics

A government adviser whose appointment had caused an outcry inside and outside of Westminster has resigned to end the distraction caused by the furore .
Andrew Sabisky had gone on record as being in favour of eugenics , the science of “ improving ” a species through breeding , with a compulsory element , as well as reportedly holding objectionable views on women and race .
The BBC published some comments made on forums or blogs by a user sharing his unusual name , including : “ One way to get around the problems of unplanned pregnancies creating a permanent @ @ @ @ @ @ @ uptake of long-term contraception at the onset of puberty , ” “ There are excellent reasons to think the very real racial differences in intelligence are significantly – even mostly – genetic in origin.
” When asked to condemn the comments and to state the PM didn ’ t approve of eugenics , 10 Downing Street refused to comment .
Late on Monday , Sabisky tweeted that he ’ d stepped down , complaining of a focus on things he ’ d said in the past , before deleting his Twitter account .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ all .

News
A government adviser whose appointment had caused an outcry inside and outside of Westminster has resigned to end the distraction caused by the furore.
Andrew Sabisky had gone on record as being in favour of eugenics, the science of “improving” a species through breeding, with a compulsory element, as well as reportedly holding objectionable views on women and race.
The BBC published some comments made on forums or blogs by a user sharing his unusual name, including:
“One way to get around the problems of unplanned pregnancies creating a permanent underclass would be to legally enforce universal uptake of long-term contraception at the onset of puberty,” “There are excellent reasons to think the very real racial differences in intelligence are significantly – even mostly – genetic in origin.”
If they'd just hired him sooner superforecaster Andrew Sabisky could have seen this backlash against Andrew Sabisky coming and warned them. — Dmitry Grozoubinski (@DmitryOpines) February 16, 2020
When asked to condemn the comments and to state the PM didn’t approve of eugenics, 10 Downing Street refused to comment.
Hi I'm Boris Johnson. I will literally say any shit you want to hear, true or not, in order to get elected. Have done for years. Always have, always will. Will you condemn eugenics? No. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 17, 2020
Late on Monday, Sabisky tweeted that he’d stepped down, complaining of a focus on things he’d said in the past, before deleting his Twitter account.
Sabisky has resigned. Quelle surprise. Why, exactly, was he ever appointed? Is nobody vetted anymore for Downing Street? — Andrew Neil (@afneil) February 17, 2020
SABISKY QUITS DOWNING ST “Andrew Sabisky, the Downing Street aide who advocated forcing women to take contraception to stop unplanned pregnancies, has quit” That went well then. So much for Cummings and his “misfits and weirdos” What next I wonder …?!? https://t.co/XQGPeoZv9M — Mark Horsley (@MarkHorsleyUK) February 17, 2020
These reactions to the news say it all.
1.
Andrew Sabisky has reportedly chosen to resign. In the same way that a falling apple chooses to hit the orchard floor. — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 17, 2020
2.
Twitter has broken a beautiful butterfly by accurately quoting the things he said about eugenics and everyone should be very ashamed of themselves — Alan White (@aljwhite) February 17, 2020
3.
Andrew Sabisky may have resigned but we can now be sure that our Prime Minister was totally unable to condemn a racist eugenecist who was in favour of forced sterilisation and believed black people have inferior IQs. https://t.co/wwpcn7VyU8 — David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 17, 2020
4.
Genuinely surprised that being a eugenicist would be grounds for resignation from this government. Am I mad to think they deffo would have styled this out for another few days and every single media outlet would have moved on shortly afterwards? — Séamas It Ever Was (@shockproofbeats) February 17, 2020
5.


thepoke--2020-02-18--Michael Spicer’s acting masterclass is every bit as hilarious as you’d expect

We ’ re all very familiar with the silky acting skills of Mr Michael Spicer – unless you thought he @ @ @ @ @ to a number of political idiots .
We didn ’ t expect , however , @ @ @ @ @ , yet here we are .
“ I didn ’ t go to drama school @ @ @ @ @ ’ t need to go to drama school .
Okay , let me tell you @ @ @ @ @ only one drama school that I went to , and that is RADA.
” If @ @ @ @ @ the game of any actor who sees it , nothing will .
These are just @ @ @ @ @ impressed reactions .
Not everybody stuck with it .
He ’ ll be sorry he @ @ @ @ @ breathing .
Michael Spicer does “ Matt Hancock as James Bond in Casino Royale ”

Videos
We’re all very familiar with the silky acting skills of Mr Michael Spicer – unless you thought he was genuinely a long-suffering aide to a number of political idiots.
We didn’t expect, however, to see behind the curtain, yet here we are.
“I didn’t go to drama school, okay? I didn’t need to go to drama school. Okay, let me tell you something; there’s only one drama school that I went to, and that is RADA.”
If that doesn’t up the game of any actor who sees it, nothing will.
These are just a few of the many impressed reactions.
I had no idea of the sheer levels of toil required until I saw this. I feel even more humble than I did before. — David Sargent (@Sargent1David) February 17, 2020
This is hilarious all the way through. The cartwheel is an extra personal highlight. https://t.co/H6N2dAjMwR — Candy Bowman (@candybowman) February 17, 2020
Thanks Michael. I now feel confident enough to give up my day job as a personal injury lawyer in Langton Green. — Chris (@SeagullSinging) February 17, 2020
Not everybody stuck with it.
I stopped watching when I realised I had to buy a car. — Alexander Vlahos (@vlavla) February 17, 2020
He’ll be sorry he missed that tip about the breathing.
READ MORE
Michael Spicer does “Matt Hancock as James Bond in Casino Royale”
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-02-18--The 5 funniest reactions to Burger King reinventing the chip butty

Burger King bemused people recently by creating a plant-based burger that couldn ’ t be considered vegetarian or vegan because @ @ @ @ @ meat .
As if that bombshell weren ’ t enough , this news emerged .
@ @ @ @ @ a tad familiar , and people had this to say .
One tweeter , @ @ @ @ @ @ of new dishes .
If you were feeling a bit tempted by the BK chip @ @ @ @ @ out of luck unless you live in New Zealand or some parts of North Africa @ @ @ @ @ of Burger King UK got in on the discussion .
Some men think eating a @ @ @ @ @ into women – our 12 favourite comments

News
Burger King bemused people recently by creating a plant-based burger that couldn’t be considered vegetarian or vegan because it would be cooked alongside meat.
As if that bombshell weren’t enough, this news emerged.
BURGER KING is testing a sandwich with nothing but french fries:https://t.co/cMELl6fZaV pic.twitter.com/D1taIscJk2 — ComicBook NOW! (@ComicBookNOW) February 17, 2020
The new menu option looked a tad familiar, and people had this to say.
1.
A chip butty. You've invented a chip butty. https://t.co/11VhiTyiDM — Je téléphone à la police (@je_police) February 17, 2020
2.
I know cultural appropriation when I see it. https://t.co/OYaBYPo8U6 — Lisa Holdsworth 🌹 (@WorksWithWords) February 17, 2020
3.
In 1620, The Mayflower brought pilgrims from England to the New World. 400 years later, in 2020, the descendants of the pilgrims discover THE CHIP BUTTY https://t.co/unGi26I3Gc — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 17, 2020
4.
alexa how long did it take the chip butty to get to America — quitedo (@q1t3d0) February 17, 2020
5.
See now I actually believe corporations are people because Burger King is clearly depressed as hell. https://t.co/WGtke2aNNz — Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) February 17, 2020
One tweeter, @MrDuperouzel, suggested a couple of new dishes.
Groundbreaking lads. What next? Peas that have been mushed up?
A sausage served in batter?? https://t.co/ojSHtynHw4 — Mr D (@MrDuperouzel) February 17, 2020
If you were feeling a bit tempted by the BK chip butty, you’re out of luck unless you live in New Zealand or some parts of North Africa, but the Twitter account of Burger King UK got in on the discussion.
Will it be called a chip butty, a bap or a cob… https://t.co/dlnOn1q7Mb — Burger King (@BurgerKingUK) February 17, 2020
Perhaps they’ll put a word in.
READ MORE
Some men think eating a vegan burger will turn them into women – our 12 favourite comments
Source ComicBookNOW Image Burger King NZ, @matt_feeney on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-19--“If Couples Were Honest” is a brutally comic look inside people’s minds

Although communication and honesty are important in a relationship , it is possible to have too much of a good @ @ @ @ @ JP Sears and his wife and comedy partner , Amber , show how brutal honesty @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s a divorce lawyer ’ s dream come true .
Clearly , white @ @ @ @ @ go .
“ Your singing is wonderful – let ’ s keep it just for @ @ @ @ @ be our thing.
” An animal shelter ad for the “ world ’ s worst @ @ @ @ @ – but very funny

Videos
Although communication and honesty are important in a relationship, it is possible to have too much of a good thing.
Here, comedian JP Sears and his wife and comedy partner, Amber, show how brutal honesty looks in practice, and it’s a divorce lawyer’s dream come true.
Clearly, white lies are the way to go.
“No, dear. Your bum doesn’t look big in that.”
“Your singing is wonderful – let’s keep it just for the house so it can be our thing.”
READ MORE
An animal shelter ad for the “world’s worst cat” is brutally honest – but very funny
Source AwakenWithJP Image AwakenWithJP


thepoke--2020-02-19--BRITs winner Dave called the PM a racist and broke the internet

The big award at the BRITs is the Album of the Year , which for 2020 went to rapper , @ @ @ @ @ , Psychodrama .
However , it was his performance of “ Black ” that got @ @ @ @ @ made the song very topical .
Calling out the Prime Minister for racism and denouncing @ @ @ @ @ residents and the Windrush generation caused an immediate storm online , with some people bristling @ @ @ @ @ Far more were glad to see someone speaking out .
Best-selling author and radio presenter @ @ @ @ @ , had this to say on the debate .
A Labour MP challenged Boris Johnson @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s brilliantly done

Twitter
The big award at the BRITs is the Album of the Year, which for 2020 went to rapper, Dave, for his album, Psychodrama. However, it was his performance of “Black” that got people talking, as he made the song very topical.
Calling out the Prime Minister for racism and denouncing the treatment of the Grenfell residents and the Windrush generation caused an immediate storm online, with some people bristling over imagined anti-white racism.
#GMB why does GMB promote anti white racism by what was ‘the brits’, if it’s not Stormsy it’s Dave. Political statements should be banned or do what a lot of people do now, switch the garbage off. The Media is creating a massive divide with their constant rhetoric Black vs White — Kevin Kelly (@es0kke) February 19, 2020
Fortunately I switched the Brits off after 5mins, but seeing extract of this racist prick Dave on SkyNews calling Boris Johnson is nothing more than divisive and inciting racial hatred. What if a white artist had gone up and rapped something anti black? — Nigel Ward (@nmwdesign) February 19, 2020
Far more were glad to see someone speaking out.
Dave just called out the PM for being racist, blasted the press for Meghan Markle's treatment, paid tribute to Jack Merritt and reminded us that Grenfell victims are still suffering. All in under a minute. Iconic. #Brits2020 — Ruhi (@r_uhi) February 18, 2020
Fuck me Dave just delivered the most important performance in the entire history of the Brits. Gobsmacked 😱 — example (@example) February 18, 2020
Rapper Dave at the Brits there, rapping that “the prime minister’s a real racist.” Absolutely correct. — Tom Peck (@tompeck) February 18, 2020
Best-selling author and radio presenter, James O’Brien, had this to say on the debate.
Downing Street repeatedly declined to deny that the Prime Minister believes black people to be less intelligent than white people *this week*. But let's all have a heated debate about Dave at the Brits. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) February 19, 2020
READ MORE
A Labour MP challenged Boris Johnson over his racist comments and it’s brilliantly done
Source BRITS Image BRITS, BBC


thepoke--2020-02-19--This Daily Mail reader has a very specific reason why the BBC should go

To the Daily Mail now where it ’ s probably not a surprise that a lot of their readers are @ @ @ @ @ reader had a very specific reason for taking against the licence fee .
Over to @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter , who said : ‘ COMMENT OF THE DAY : “ The BBC @ @ @ @ @ ProudEnglandier from Spain “ because I don ’ t understand # OnlyConnect.
” ‘ VictoriaCoren @ @ @ @ @ fault.
’ But what shoes do YOU want to watch ?

Popular
To the Daily Mail now where it’s probably not a surprise that a lot of their readers are anti-BBC.
But this particular reader had a very specific reason for taking against the licence fee. Over to the always fabulous @DMReporter on Twitter, who said: ‘COMMENT OF THE DAY: “The BBC needs shutting down” writes ProudEnglandier from Spain “because I don’t understand #OnlyConnect.”
‘VictoriaCoren, this is all your fault.’
But what shoes do YOU want to watch?
Shoes I want to watch:
1. Those shoes with big see-through heels and there's fish in them.
2. Light up trainers on an adult on a wet street at night.
3. A standard pair of crocs being worn by a person trying to negotiate a muddy incline on a mediocre campsite. — Suzy Scavenger (@suzyscavenger) February 16, 2020
Love that he clarifies being in Spain "for work" – as if that's less ironic — ___//\/\/ (@nutts2020) February 16, 2020
Goodness knows what great programming I’ve missed out on over the years because, as a woman, I am unable to watching anything fronted by someone of the opposite sex. — Georgia (@georgia24) February 16, 2020
Follow @DMReporter now!
READ MORE
This Daily Mail ‘coronavirus panic’ story was destroyed by its own reader comments and it’s a very satisfying read
Source Twitter @DMReporter Image BBC


thepoke--2020-02-19--These simple-looking line drawings illustrating closeness over time will hit you right in the guts

This bunch of deceptively simple-looking line drawings have gone viral because they ’ ll hit you right in the guts @ @ @ @ @ ‘ minimalist line drawing that represents closeness over time , ’ said naturebeatsnurture who shared @ @ @ @ @ Which one gets you ?
The ‘ Closeness Lines ’ print is by Olivia de @ @ @ @ @ find a lot more about here .
I did not think a couple of squiggly @ @ @ @ @ emotional today.
’ TheBigWon ‘ The lines that stop ( parents and the dog ) @ @ @ @ @ motherfucking feels : ’ bang723 ‘ Right ?
I ’ m sitting at work misty-eyed @ @ @ @ @ line.
’ DMZack Its minimalist but there ’ s really good attention to detail , @ @ @ @ @ sibling lines is longer than the other , indicating the likely possibility that you ’ @ @ @ @ @ James-Hawk

Pics
This bunch of deceptively simple-looking line drawings have gone viral because they’ll hit you right in the guts.
It’s a ‘minimalist line drawing that represents closeness over time,’ said naturebeatsnurture who shared the image on Reddit.
Which one gets you?
The ‘Closeness Lines’ print is by Olivia de Recat, who you can find a lot more about here.
Here are just a few of the things people said about it.
‘I did not think a couple of squiggly lines would get me this emotional today.’ TheBigWon ‘The lines that stop (parents and the dog) hit me right in the motherfucking feels :’ bang723 ‘Right? I’m sitting at work misty-eyed over the end of a line.’ DMZack ‘Its minimalist but there’s really good attention to detail, like even one of the sibling lines is longer than the other, indicating the likely possibility that you’re not a twin.’ James-Hawk
Source Olivia de Recat H/T Reddit u/naturebeatsnurture


thepoke--2020-02-19--Every weird noise Bob Mortimer has made as ‘Train Guy’

If you haven ’ t seen Bob Mortimer ‘ s “ Train Guy ” tweets , it ’ s time @ @ @ @ @ they ’ re a comedy treat – as well as being incredibly relatable for anyone @ @ @ @ @ Here are a couple , to give you the gist .
It isn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ expressions that make Train Guy so hilariously believable , but the weird noises he makes @ @ @ @ @ director , James Lorenzo , lovingly gathered these noises into one amazing supercut , and @ @ @ @ @ would Colin make of that ?
Bob Mortimer ’ s “ train guy ” parody @ @ @ @ @ far too realistic

Videos
If you haven’t seen Bob Mortimer‘s “Train Guy” tweets, it’s time to remedy that, because they’re a comedy treat – as well as being incredibly relatable for anyone who uses trains regularly.
Here are a couple, to give you the gist.
Train Guy… Pencil Cases pic.twitter.com/2M10CJpZXy — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) February 17, 2020
Train Guy Valentine Salami pic.twitter.com/ZgHeeKBAnK — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) February 6, 2020
It isn’t just the words and facial expressions that make Train Guy so hilariously believable, but the weird noises he makes, too.
Producer and director, James Lorenzo, lovingly gathered these noises into one amazing supercut, and here it is.
made a supercut of all the noises @RealBobMortimer makes pretending to be in conversation with a guy called colin while in character as Train Guy™, and tbqhwy it was a monday night well spent. pic.twitter.com/wvwMiUUkpG — James Lorenzo (@_JamesLorenzo) February 17, 2020
What would Colin make of that?
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s “train guy” parody is very funny, but far too realistic
Source James Lorenzo Image Bob Mortimer


thepoke--2020-02-19--This guy did what we all want to do when someone’s hogging the armrest on a plane

We ’ re not sure if this is entirely the answer when someone is hogging the armrest on a plane @ @ @ @ @ twice about even catching their eye , let alone doing something like this .
But @ @ @ @ @ watch .
And his reaction only makes it 1000x better , obviously .
‘ He @ @ @ @ @ the middle seat later on in the video.
’ venusinthemorning The real villain here is @ @ @ @ @ space for shared armrests .
Each person should have their own armrests.
’ chicksOut These @ @ @ @ @ figured out .
‘ Middle seat always get the arm rest Window seat has a @ @ @ @ @ access to the bathrooms.
’ rageofthepillow ‘ Window gets a wall and an arm rest @ @ @ @ @ rests .
Aisle gets an arm rest and a little bit of extra leg room @ @ @ @ @ animals , we live in a society.
’ Xiaxs ‘ More importantly , the window @ @ @ @ @ SLEEP which grants the sitter blissful rests.
’ AutomaticSlice2

Videos
We’re not sure if this is entirely the answer when someone is hogging the armrest on a plane.
We’d think twice about even catching their eye, let alone doing something like this. But it IS a very satisfying watch. And his reaction only makes it 1000x better, obviously.
‘He definitely killed the guy in the middle seat later on in the video.’ venusinthemorning The real villain here is the people who design the space for shared armrests. Each person should have their own armrests.’ chicksOut ‘Y O U D A R E O P P O S E M E M O R T A L.’ B1ngers
These people have got it all figured out.
‘Middle seat always get the arm rest Window seat has a view Aisle seat has easy access to the bathrooms.’ rageofthepillow ‘Window gets a wall and an arm rest.
Middle gets two arm rests.
Aisle gets an arm rest and a little bit of extra leg room.
We’re not animals, we live in a society.’ Xiaxs ‘More importantly, the window seat has the WALL OF SLEEP which grants the sitter blissful rests.’ AutomaticSlice2
READ MORE
This lucky passenger had a business class burn for someone sat back in economy
Source Reddit u/Dot_Pyxis


thepoke--2020-02-19--This guy tried to take back a PS4 he’d given away and things got out of control

We must surely all have experienced that moment of regret when we suddenly need or want something we no longer @ @ @ @ @ cheesecake , or our vinyl collection from 1992 .
A Redditor named BlendedBaconSyrup shared a @ @ @ @ @ an “ old friend ” regarding a tech swap they ’ d done a while @ @ @ @ @ amiably enough .
But it took a strange turn , seeing as the PS4 had @ @ @ @ @ .
That should have been the end of the matter , but it really wasn @ @ @ @ @ re guessing that friendship is well and truly dead .
These Redditors weren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ old friend .
If , like us , you thought the police thing was an @ @ @ @ @ ’ d like to have been a fly on the wall when they got back @ @ @ @ @ beggar ’ s very specific requests got her thoroughly dragged

Weird World
We must surely all have experienced that moment of regret when we suddenly need or want something we no longer have, like that delicious cheesecake, or our vinyl collection from 1992.
A Redditor named BlendedBaconSyrup shared a text exchange he had with an “old friend” regarding a tech swap they’d done a while earlier.
It started out amiably enough.
But it took a strange turn, seeing as the PS4 had been given and not lent.
That should have been the end of the matter, but it really wasn’t.
from Armie Hammer GIFs via Gfycat
We’re guessing that friendship is well and truly dead.
These Redditors weren’t at all impressed with the old friend.
time to cut this old friend out of your life permanently Quviasuliqpunga
I don’t know what’s funnier, that he thinks a secondhand PS4 is worth $300 or that he thinks the police will give one iota of shit about his complaint. eatshitake
Nope, that’s the kinda threat that people who don’t understand the basics of contract law throw around. Sorry your friend sucks. didjeffects
If, like us, you thought the police thing was an empty threat …nope.
We’d like to have been a fly on the wall when they got back to him.
READ MORE
This choosing beggar’s very specific requests got her thoroughly dragged
Source r/ChoosingBeggars Image r/ChoosingBeggars, @jeshoots on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-19--Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ played on boomwhackers is an absolute banger

Billie Eilish has been in the news recently as the writer and performer of the latest Bond theme , the @ @ @ @ @ the last awards ceremony , and as the recipient of the Best International Female Solo @ @ @ @ @ One of her biggest hits , Bad Guy , has now been covered by Harvard @ @ @ @ @ – because that ’ s a thing – and here they are performing it .
@ @ @ @ @ to share the original – which is another absolute banger .
How to create Billie @ @ @ @ @ Guy ” – using unconventional “ instruments ”

Videos
Billie Eilish has been in the news recently as the writer and performer of the latest Bond theme, the winner of four Grammys at the last awards ceremony, and as the recipient of the Best International Female Solo Artist at the Brits.
One of her biggest hits, Bad Guy, has now been covered by Harvard THUD, the boomwhacker ensemble – because that’s a thing – and here they are performing it.
It’s only fair to share the original – which is another absolute banger.
READ MORE
How to create Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy” – using unconventional “instruments”
Source YouTube Image Harvard THUD, Billie Eilish


thepoke--2020-02-19--The 12 funniest reactions to Richard Dawkins talking about “eating human meat”

We ’ re beginning to think Richard Dawkins might be trolling Twitter now , having mused on the efficacy of @ @ @ @ @ , he waited a couple of days to say this : And some people thought @ @ @ @ @ was outrageous .
There was , inevitably , a huge reaction to the tweet .

Twitter
We’re beginning to think Richard Dawkins might be trolling Twitter now, having mused on the efficacy of eugenics for humans on Sunday, he waited a couple of days to say this:
Human steak could of course be cultured. Would you eat it? I wouldn’t, but it’s hard to say why. It would be cultured from a single nameable person. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall served human placenta, also clone of 1 person, in this case the baby. I wouldn’t eat that either. — Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) February 18, 2020
And some people thought Greggs’ vegan sausage roll was outrageous. There was, inevitably, a huge reaction to the tweet.
1.
feel like this is the year richard dawkins finally hunts me for sport on his fog-enshrouded island — Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) February 18, 2020
2.
I like how there's a slight inference here that the first person Dawkins would like to clone themselves as a human steak is Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. And, to be fair, a Hugh Steak would be an ethical, high-quality meat. https://t.co/1D0n1Bivty — Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) February 18, 2020
3.
How did Richard Dawkins go from one the best science communicators about evolutionary biology, to a sixth former trying pot for the first time? — John Walker Definitely Is (@botherer) February 18, 2020
4.
NO ONE: LITERALLY NOBODY: DAWKINS: BUT IF YOUR MOM IS POST MENOPAUSAL IS HAVING SEX WITH HER THAT BAD? I WOULDN'T DO IT, BUT MY MUM'S NOT HOT https://t.co/OiMy6wbd41 — Dr RollerGator PhD (@drrollergator) February 18, 2020
5.
What if it was honey-glazed? pic.twitter.com/qF56v56voJ — Mark Gillies (@5goalthriller) February 18, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-02-19--The flood devastation had people asking “Where’s Boris?” – our 9 favourite responses

It ’ s a time-honoured tradition for the leaders of countries to go out into the carnage of natural – @ @ @ @ @ and shake hands with devastated people in their darkest hour .
Sometimes the leader ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s their darkest hour .
As flooding continues across England ’ s rural North @ @ @ @ @ to commiserate and reassure the residents that steps were being taken …oh no , wait @ @ @ @ @ .
That prompted people to ask “ Where ’ s Boris ?
” We thought @ @ @ @ @ worth a look .
Finally , Twitter ’ s best Boris Johnson parody account may @ @ @ @ @ this tweet .
19 crucial questions Boris Johnson ignored in the People ’ s PMQs

Twitter
It’s a time-honoured tradition for the leaders of countries to go out into the carnage of natural – and human-made – disasters, and shake hands with devastated people in their darkest hour. Sometimes the leader’s presence is why it’s their darkest hour.
As flooding continues across England’s rural North, Boris Johnson visited communities to commiserate and reassure the residents that steps were being taken …oh no, wait – he didn’t.
That prompted people to ask “Where’s Boris?”
Where is the PM? When the going gets tough, he disappears.
Potential war in the Middle East? On holiday
Difficult interview questions? Hides in a fridge. Or doesn't turn up
News – Storm Dennis: Flood threat remains after weekend of disruption#whereisborishttps://t.co/o0EWwOO4S1 — Selina Norgrove (@NorgroveSelina) February 17, 2020
We thought these nine comments were well worth a look.
1.
It's such a basic thing. If there's a natural disaster the Prime Minister gets on their wellies and goes and visits to reassure and sympathise with people. But Boris Johnson is once again unwilling to do so and is instead spending the week at a 115 bedroom mansion. #wheresboris — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 18, 2020
2.
3.
It’s hardly surprising that people affected by the floods are calling out for my help when I have such a natural, sure-footed affinity with deep water.#wheresBoris pic.twitter.com/g3QjmNgxyL — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 18, 2020
4.
Brave Sir Boris ran away
Bravely ran away away
When rivers rose well above their bed
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Boris turned about
And gallantly he chickened out#WheresBoris #FloodingEmergency — Sandy Poole (@MrSandy_P) February 17, 2020
5.
To be honest. A part of me is always relieved when l see #wheresBoris trending. He makes most situation worse . Actually if there was an emergency, Boris Johnson would be one of the single last people I would want there. If only his cabinet members were competent to take over…. — Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) February 18, 2020
6.
#wheresBoris
Go up north to show support for the latest flooding … I only wanted your votes … Can’t be doing with all those flat caps and whippets and northerns … I’m staying in at number ten for a full English breakfast … Toast or fried bread difficult decision today .. pic.twitter.com/s1ytG8mkT4 — You Lazy ⭕ (@YouLazy1) February 18, 2020
7.
8.
1. Trying to find Yorkshire on the map somewhere ooop North.
2. Making crap jokes about the word Mytholmroyd
3. Phoning round his mates to find someone to pay his travel costs.#wheresBoris https://t.co/470bcYcTSH — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) February 18, 2020
9.
Finally, Twitter’s best Boris Johnson parody account may have nailed the answer with this tweet.
I'm busy sitting on the Russia Report. Now f*** off and leave me alone.#wheresBoris pic.twitter.com/n4cym1Sy1S — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 18, 2020
READ MORE
19 crucial questions Boris Johnson ignored in the People’s PMQs
Source Twitter Image Cromwell606 PeoplesPMQs


thepoke--2020-02-20--New immigration rules would have barred Priti Patel’s parents – 5 favourite reactions

The UK has finally detailed the points system that will dictate who can move to the country , and it @ @ @ @ @ well with the business community , who aren ’ t happy at the strict conditions @ @ @ @ @ Secretary , Priti Patel , will have signed off on the policy , and is @ @ @ @ @ input into creating it .
Which makes this all the more baffling .
People seemed @ @ @ @ @ being horrified , yet unsurprised .
These five reactions have it covered .
Michael Spicer @ @ @ @ @ the room next door to Priti Patel

News
The UK has finally detailed the points system that will dictate who can move to the country, and it hasn’t gone down well with the business community, who aren’t happy at the strict conditions it dictates.
The Home Secretary, Priti Patel, will have signed off on the policy, and is likely to have had heavy input into creating it.
Which makes this all the more baffling.
Home Secretary Priti Patel admits own parents may not have been allowed into UK under her new immigration laws https://t.co/J6Il5u4frJ — The Independent (@Independent) February 19, 2020
People seemed to experience a mixture of being horrified, yet unsurprised. These five reactions have it covered.
1.
Priti Patel is the person who just makes the bus in the pouring rain, thanks the bus driver, then urges him to drive off when she sees others running for the bus. Then she reports the bus driver for being off schedule. https://t.co/o20dDJLY53 — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 19, 2020
2.
we've all had arguments with our parents, but we don't normally try to have them retrospectively deported https://t.co/3ih7Hj4UJ2 — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) February 19, 2020
3.
I’ve been known to mock Priti Patel but this is a completely watertight defence of her new immigration system. https://t.co/GCrxWTULiY — Tom Peck (@tompeck) February 19, 2020
4.
is there an ancient Greek drama about deporting your own parents that you could reference to coin an expression here https://t.co/vGGirqQj7X — Nate Bethea (@inthesedeserts) February 19, 2020
5.
It's morally bankrupt to pull up the ladder and deny others the opportunities you and your family have received. The Nasty Party is really getting nastier. https://t.co/dNbsSj0aKC — Zarah Sultana MP (@zarahsultana) February 19, 2020
Writer, Nikesh Shukla, wistfully imagined an upside.
Her final day on the job, when she was to deport herself, will be a bittersweet one. https://t.co/s55H0BSTOc — Nikesh Shukla (@nikeshshukla) February 19, 2020
READ MORE
Michael Spicer hilariously imagines the scene in the room next door to Priti Patel
Source Independent Immigration YouTube, @starocker on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-20--Lobo the Siberian husky went off-script at the dog show – and made it even better

The Westminster Kennel Club held its annual dog show earlier this month , at Madison Square Garden – it ’ @ @ @ @ @ Like Crufts , there is a wide range of categories in which the animals can @ @ @ @ @ section .
One beautiful Siberian husky , named Lobo , was led out onto the @ @ @ @ @ , and just did whatever the hell he felt like .
It was absolutely brilliant @ @ @ @ @ come away with any prizes , but he definitely won some hearts .
Other dogs @ @ @ @ @ gon na smoke this course and take home the gold ” Lobo : “ I @ @ @ @ @ be here ” If only there were a “ Most Entertaining Good Dog ” category @ @ @ @ @ is the clear winner of the “ Most Easily Distracted Beagle ” medal

Videos
The Westminster Kennel Club held its annual dog show earlier this month, at Madison Square Garden – it’s not that Westminster. Like Crufts, there is a wide range of categories in which the animals can compete, including the agility section.
One beautiful Siberian husky, named Lobo, was led out onto the course by his proud owner, and just did whatever the hell he felt like. It was absolutely brilliant.
He may not have come away with any prizes, but he definitely won some hearts.
Other dogs: “I’m gonna smoke this course and take home the gold” Lobo: “I’m just happy to be here” lil cigga
He was multi tasking
1. Getting more attention then all the other dogs combined
2. Light snack along the way
3 Give handler heart attack Smokin Jax
This was the Huskiest thing I’ve ever seen. Best breed of all time. Erik Nordlund
YouTube user, Markus Orth, took a guess at Lobo’s thoughts.
Lobo is too smart to be bothered with a stupid competition.
If only there were a “Most Entertaining Good Dog” category.
READ MORE
This dog show contestant is the clear winner of the “Most Easily Distracted Beagle” medal
Source Fox News Image Fox News


thepoke--2020-02-20--Someone tried to use the bible to justify racism and the takedown was heavenly

It ’ s always interesting to see how little racists and homophobes know of the bible they use to justify @ @ @ @ @ ’ s almost as though they ’ re just picking the bits they like and @ @ @ @ @ racist who tried to quote scripture as a defence was issued with a takedown of @ @ @ @ @ t even get us started on those MAGA hats .
Here ’ s what Redditors @ @ @ @ @ .
Someone named tobeornottobeugly had some more scriptural corrections for the racist .
Moses was @ @ @ @ @ Ethiopian ) woman ( Numbers 12:1-16 ) , and God was angry with Aaron and @ @ @ @ @ .
Also , The Hebrews were forbidden to marry Canaanites and other pagan peoples .
@ @ @ @ @ people worshipped idols , not because of race .
So no they are wrong on @ @ @ @ @ they can come back from that , it ’ ll be a miracle .
BRITs @ @ @ @ @ a racist and broke the internet

Weird World
It’s always interesting to see how little racists and homophobes know of the bible they use to justify their vile opinions – it’s almost as though they’re just picking the bits they like and ignoring the rest.
One racist who tried to quote scripture as a defence was issued with a takedown of biblical proportions.
Don’t even get us started on those MAGA hats.
Here’s what Redditors thought of the sick burn.
A very efficient murder! cobainbc15
I love the phrase “do your research” in this context it’s so funny OBSTACLE3
um, just because the bible says something doesn’t absolve that thing from being racist. Seranfall
Someone named tobeornottobeugly had some more scriptural corrections for the racist.
Moses was married to a Cushite (Ethiopian) woman (Numbers 12:1-16), and God was angry with Aaron and Miriam for criticizing that marriage. Also, The Hebrews were forbidden to marry Canaanites and other pagan peoples. The reason was because these people worshipped idols, not because of race. So no they are wrong on top of being inbred
If they can come back from that, it’ll be a miracle.
READ MORE
BRITs winner Dave called the PM a racist and broke the internet
Source r/MurderedByWords Image r/MurderedByWords @suhariadika on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-20--People can’t stop watching this utterly joyous Kurdish wedding dance

There ’ s something incredibly satisfying about watching people do something well , and blokes dancing at a wedding doesn @ @ @ @ @ bill .
This wedding is a little different , and we can ’ t stop @ @ @ @ @ a whale of a time .
Did you clock the kid trying to join in @ @ @ @ @ ?
It was shared on Twitter by Lawên | لاوێن , and this is how @ @ @ @ @ If it has the effect it had in South America and Mexico , any men @ @ @ @ @ start learning the moves right now .
It ’ s got to be better than @ @

Videos
There’s something incredibly satisfying about watching people do something well, and blokes dancing at a wedding doesn’t normally fit the bill.
This wedding is a little different, and we can’t stop watching these Kurdish guys having a whale of a time.
Did you clock the kid trying to join in and getting the cold shoulder?
“Nah, mate. This dance is for real men.”
It was shared on Twitter by Lawên | لاوێن, and this is how Twitter has been reacting.
UP TO 7TH LADS pic.twitter.com/qJ6Cln9IPA — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) February 17, 2020
I’m completely obsessed with this video. In fact we all are a bit in our house. https://t.co/0lj6fojUcN — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 19, 2020
This video is utterly joyous. How is there not one single fella who can’t remember the steps? — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) February 17, 2020
If it has the effect it had in South America and Mexico, any men heading to a wedding should start learning the moves right now.
A video of a #Kurdish wedding from Gever went viral on social media in Mexico/South America. The video got more than 26 million views and people are even trying to remake the video/dance. This one is from Mexico 😂 pic.twitter.com/mklEmM1lYg — Lawên | لاوێن (@Lawwwen) January 25, 2020
It’s got to be better than Agadoo.
READ MORE
Toddler’s Wedding Dance Is Outstanding
Source YouTube Image YouTube