thepoke--2020-02-11--This sports broadcast was made so much better by the two blokes fighting with hand sanitisers behind

This sports broadcast was made so much better by the two blokes fighting with hand sanitisers behind her back

If all sports news was like this , we ’ d watch a lot more of it .
A sports @ @ @ @ @ lively by the two blokes fighting with hand sanitisers behind her back .
‘ Referee @ @ @ @ @ not what I meant when I said ‘ Keep it clean ’ guys.
” ‘ @ @ @ @ @ the life to live .
Never work a day in your life.. yanoe ?
’ @ @ @ @ @ they will need to start working again and it will not be here.
’ ndnbolla @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Fool joke on Grandstand a long , long time ago .
Never gets @ @

If all sports news was like this, we’d watch a lot more of it. A sports broadcast made a lot more lively by the two blokes fighting with hand sanitisers behind the presenter’s back.
‘Referee: sighs “This is not what I meant when I said ‘Keep it clean’ guys.”‘ Sttommyboy
‘This seems like the life to live. Never work a day in your life.. yanoe?’ BuddyBonButt
‘Something tells me they will need to start working again and it will not be here.’ ndnbolla
‘Alcohol-fueled fight captured on live camera.’ telastruct
‘Looks like a clean fight.’ bluemitersaw


thepoke--2020-02-11--This bad haggler doesn’t know how fish work

The customer is always right – right ?
Wrong !
Sometimes the customer is a complete idiot and totally wrong @ @ @ @ @ is a conversation between an aquarium owner and a potential buyer of an Oscar fish @ @ @ @ @ tongue-in-cheek questions about the “ used ” Oscar .
I always kick the tires on @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s the only way to tell if it ’ s got low @ @ @ @ @ out the swim bladder ?
I hear this model has an issue with the swim @ @ @ @ @ be changed after 15k miles .
Someone named u/westc2 said what we were already thinking @

Weird World
The customer is always right – right? Wrong! Sometimes the customer is a complete idiot and totally wrong.
For example, this is a conversation between an aquarium owner and a potential buyer of an Oscar fish.
Other Redditors had some tongue-in-cheek questions about the “used” Oscar.
What’s the mileage on that fish? Nonsuperstites
I always kick the tires on any used fish I get. It’s the only way to tell if it’s got low mileage. saffiegal
Have you changed out the swim bladder? I hear this model has an issue with the swim bladder and it needs to be changed after 15k miles. workyworkaccount
what about spare fins? __2st__
Someone named u/westc2 said what we were already thinking.


thepoke--2020-02-11--The only 5 reactions you need to this alpaca “trying to get a piggyback” from a pig (NSFW)

As a teaser for other content , the Independent posted a clip of an alpaca and a pig having a @ @ @ @ @ ’ s not how they described it .
They ’ re all grown-ups over there @ @ @ @ @ known , but their mislabelling certainly got them a lot more attention than it would @ @ @ @ @ These were the funniest reactions .
Nothing to see here – just Sam Neill doing @ @ @ @

Twitter
As a teaser for other content, the Independent posted a clip of an alpaca and a pig having a NSFW encounter, but that’s not how they described it.
Alpaca filmed trying to get a piggyback from a pig pic.twitter.com/c9KxRYcI8X — The Independent (@Independent) February 10, 2020
They’re all grown-ups over there, so they must have known, but their mislabelling certainly got them a lot more attention than it would have done. Cunning!
These were the funniest reactions.
1.
Who wants to tell them https://t.co/9aLuHSejnW — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 10, 2020
2.
I think someone from the independent needs 'the chat'……any takers? https://t.co/SxwMRjPSVj — Dr Breaking dad (@bigchow84) February 10, 2020
3.
Thats how these guys are made: pic.twitter.com/ThcNuLAORy — Christian Kjellmo (@ckjellmo) February 10, 2020
4.
Who leaked my sex tape??? https://t.co/8GPtxskPcC — AuditionPianist (@AuditionPianist) February 10, 2020
5.
Almost inevitably …this happened.
Is that you David Cameron??? https://t.co/3ZWBxpkxro — Joe Martin #NHSlove (@joemartin66) February 10, 2020
READ MORE
Nothing to see here – just Sam Neill doing yoga with his pig
Source Independent Image Independent


thepoke--2020-02-10--Boris Johnson’s latest bridge project might be going too far – 15 favourite takes

At a cost of around £53m of public money , Boris Johnson oversaw the Garden Bridge project in London , @ @ @ @ @ .
Fast forward to the summer of 2019 , when that same Boris Johnson proposed @ @ @ @ @ one to join Scotland to Northern Ireland .
Oh !
Let ’ s see what @ @ @ @ @ policy .

News
At a cost of around £53m of public money, Boris Johnson oversaw the Garden Bridge project in London, resulting in precisely zero bridges.
Fast forward to the summer of 2019, when that same Boris Johnson proposed yet another bridge – this one to join Scotland to Northern Ireland.
How we laughed.
No10 confirms for first time “work is underway” on the building of a bridge between Scotland and Northern Ireland. Scoping report being drawn up for the PM. — Tom Newton Dunn (@tnewtondunn) February 10, 2020
Oh! Let’s see what people thought of this hair-brained scheme government policy.
1.
Work is under way [WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO COUCH THIS A BIT] to look at [STILL TOO DEFINITE] the idea of [OK, NOW WE'RE COOKING] building a Scotland-Northern Ireland bridge [NAILED IT] https://t.co/VRireWE1jA — Séamas It Ever Was (@shockproofbeats) February 10, 2020
2.
Development of the Boris Bridge. pic.twitter.com/CNaKchOKUa — Andrew R (@ExcelPope) February 10, 2020
3.
Dear the rest of the country, Boris does not have good form when it comes to bridges. Love, Everyone In London Who Remembers the Garden Bridge Fiasco That Cost £53m of public money. — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) February 10, 2020
4.
Johnson’s Bridge to Ireland. Like the Garden Bridge, only massively more expensive and impractical. But it’s also like Bannon’s Wall around Mexico. It’s a freely floating symbol. To some it might look like ‘bridge building’ but it’s also a grandiose colonial gesture. https://t.co/UFYAWo9ubv — Peter Jukes (@peterjukes) February 10, 2020
5.
6.
‘Government working on plans for bridge linking Scotland to Ireland’ A reminder: Other Boris Johnson big ideas -Garden Bridge. Scrapped. Cost £52m Thames airport. Scrapped. Cost £5.2m Water cannon. Scrapped. Cost £330k Thames cable car. Cost £24m The Orbit. Cost £6.1m — Paul Johnson (@paul__johnson) February 10, 2020
7.
All this talk of a huge munitions dump between Scotland and Northern Ireland isn't going to put me off building a bridge.
If I'd listened to so-called 'experts' I wouldn't have had the pleasure of spending £53million on a non-existent Garden Bridge. #BorisBridge — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 10, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-02-11--This bride’s fury at the niece who felt unable to make her wedding cake is off the scale

Never do business with friends and family , as the old saying goes , although we ’ re not entirely sure if baking a cake for your aunt ’ s wedding counts as a business transaction .
But the aunt ’ s response to this woman who felt she was less than qualified for the job suggests she dodged a bullet right here because her fury was something to behold .
The aunt , needless to say , wanted to get the cake for free , and the target of her ire shared the subsequent exchange on Reddit .
Imagine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she didn ’ t like it … ‘ She would have cried and said you ruined the cake if you baked it .
I would never speak to her again.
’ spaceguyy ‘ I ’ m assuming you ’ re pretty young since she mentioned university .
Why would you ask for a wedding cake or dress alterations from someone that has no experience in super important things and then make fun of them ?
’ Starfire27 ‘ Easy answer : Shes doesn ’ t want to pay someone to do it , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can just push all the blame on OP instead of admitting it was her own selfish ass who wouldn ’ t just pay for a professional.
’ IdioticQuail A social media influencer tried to get free wedding photos and the clapback was sublime

Popular
Never do business with friends and family, as the old saying goes, although we’re not entirely sure if baking a cake for your aunt’s wedding counts as a business transaction.
But the aunt’s response to this woman who felt she was less than qualified for the job suggests she dodged a bullet right here because her fury was something to behold.
The aunt, needless to say, wanted to get the cake for free, and the target of her ire shared the subsequent exchange on Reddit.
‘My crazy aunt expected me to bake her wedding cake, make her dresses and do her seating plan. (Spoilers: I didn’t),’ began fishbebrave.
And this is how it played out.
Imagine if she’d made it and she didn’t like it …
‘She would have cried and said you ruined the cake if you baked it. I would never speak to her again.’ spaceguyy ‘I’m assuming you’re pretty young since she mentioned university. Why would you ask for a wedding cake or dress alterations from someone that has no experience in super important things and then make fun of them?’ Starfire27 ‘Easy answer: Shes doesn’t want to pay someone to do it, and if it comes out bad she can just push all the blame on OP instead of admitting it was her own selfish ass who wouldn’t just pay for a professional.’ IdioticQuail
READ MORE
A social media influencer tried to get free wedding photos and the clapback was sublime
Source Reddit u/fishbebrave H/T Someecards Image Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-11--‘So many near misses and then this happens’

In the first and probably only entry in an occasional new series , car crash of the week , comes @ @ @ @ @ entirely appropriately-named @ CrashingTV on Twitter .
We only share it because , well , @ @ @ @ @ have to watch it for yourself .
‘ This is the most anticlimactic car crash @ @ @ @ @ near accidents only to mow that car head on into another car.
’ ZanyFish Or @ @ @ @ @ Twitter : ‘ I see at least 4 idiots .
’

Pics
In the first and probably only entry in an occasional new series, car crash of the week, comes this effort courtesy of the entirely appropriately-named @CrashingTV on Twitter.
We only share it because, well, you’re going to have to watch it for yourself.
‘This is the most anticlimactic car crash ever he escaped so many near accidents only to mow that car head on into another car.’ ZanyFish
Or as @jrolsberg said on Twitter: ‘I see at least 4 idiots.’
Source Reddit ParaMike46 Twitter @crashingTV


thepoke--2020-02-11--Ivanka Trump takedown of the week

Ivanka Trump takedown of the week

Another week , another Ivanka Trump tweet that is mercilessly pulled apart on Twitter .
Here ’ s this week @ @ @ @ @ by Big_bang_take on Reddit who says : ‘ I feel like Ivanka gets murdered on @ @ @ @ @ This one was no exception .
Is Ivanka Trump as thick as mince or what @

Pics
Another week, another Ivanka Trump tweet that is mercilessly pulled apart on Twitter.
Here’s this week’s favourite, shared by Big_bang_take on Reddit who says: ‘I feel like Ivanka gets murdered on most of her tweets.’
This one was no exception.
READ MORE
Is Ivanka Trump as thick as mince or what?
Source Reddit u/Big_bang_take Image screengrab


thepoke--2020-02-11--This person took a broken pot and turned it into something even better

Here ’ s a rather lovely thing , a broken plant pot that was turned into something even better , @ @ @ @ @ Twitter .
Very nice .
And very , very clever .
Not only did people @ @ @ @ @ plenty of life lessons in there too .
Or , if you prefer … This @ @ @ @ @ of detail in this painting is just extraordinary

Pics
Here’s a rather lovely thing, a broken plant pot that was turned into something even better, shared by @HermaineM on Twitter.
BEFORE
AFTER
(via @HermaineM)
Very nice. And very, very clever. Not only did people like it, they saw plenty of life lessons in there too.
A visual representation of how every setback is a setup for the future, all you need is a positive mindset. — Pfungwa (@pwbango) February 7, 2020
Making the best of the worst situation 👌 — PLZ RT MY PINNED TWEET 🙏 (@MrTyukana) February 7, 2020
Or, if you prefer …
Picking up the pieces and moving the fuck-on https://t.co/HrKeK9LyzI — MonatellyMag (@Sharx515) February 8, 2020
Picking up the pieces and becoming something greater than you were before you were broken >>> — Ri. (@rianalexis1) February 9, 2020
READ MORE
This video showing the amazing level of detail in this painting is just extraordinary
Source Twitter @HermaineM H/T Reddit u/Master1718


thepoke--2020-02-11--‘I love small business owners’

‘I love small business owners’

In today ’ s episode of people leaving shitty one-star reviews and getting exactly the takedown they deserve comes this , shared by Muuuuuuuuuuurph on Reddit who says : ‘ I love small business owners.
’ And this is why .
‘ Another frustrating aspect of this is that the Hazels of the world ruin things for the rest of us .
I ’ m sure the mechanic feels less inclined to go the extra mile for the next customer.
’ Thomp21391 ‘ Also I ’ ve been going to this mechanic for years and he is the most honest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is hard to come by in businesses that make their money by selling you things you don ’ t always know you need .
‘ He has a small staff and always gets back to you within a couple hours and has had my car back to me the next day all three times I ’ ve gone there for larger repairs .
He hand made me a part that would have been expensive because he didn ’ t want me to have to pay more than I had to .
So I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This restaurant ’ s takedown of this unfair 1-star review was forensic , polite and brutal

Popular
In today’s episode of people leaving shitty one-star reviews and getting exactly the takedown they deserve comes this, shared by Muuuuuuuuuuurph on Reddit who says: ‘I love small business owners.’
And this is why.
‘Another frustrating aspect of this is that the Hazels of the world ruin things for the rest of us. I’m sure the mechanic feels less inclined to go the extra mile for the next customer.’ Thomp21391 ‘Also I’ve been going to this mechanic for years and he is the most honest guy in the world which I feel is hard to come by in businesses that make their money by selling you things you don’t always know you need. ‘He has a small staff and always gets back to you within a couple hours and has had my car back to me the next day all three times I’ve gone there for larger repairs. He hand made me a part that would have been expensive because he didn’t want me to have to pay more than I had to. So I find this particularly funny lol.’ Muuuuuuuuuuurph
READ MORE
This restaurant’s takedown of this unfair 1-star review was forensic, polite and brutal
Source Reddit u/Muuuuuuuuuuurph


thepoke--2020-02-11--This graph recording what people say around a fire rang true with lots of people

There ’ s nothing like a roaring fire .
Especially if someone else built it and is prepared to spend all night keeping it going .
Over on Reddit thelatestbuzz sat round a fire and recorded what people said and it ’ s very relatable .
Well , all except the hot dogs bit maybe .
And just a few of the things people said about it .
‘ I almost always say “ that ’ s a good fire ” and a friend almost always responds with “ yep ” .
And I ’ m just now realizing it.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ us ?
( Both lines off the charts ) .
’ What_U_KNO ‘ ” The fire is hot ” lfmao – when humans try to keep a conversation running.
’ MentorFriend ‘ They were sat there for about 5 hours apparently .
And just in case you were wondering like this person ( and indeed us ) … ‘ Oh I should have mentioned that in my comment notes .
Apparently people say ‘ white rabbit ’ over and over when the smoke blows in their face .
Supposedly it makes the smoke @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had never heard that until that day.
’ thelatestbuzz This ‘ hoax-proof ’ fire alarm is very possibly the worst invention ever

Pics
There’s nothing like a roaring fire. Especially if someone else built it and is prepared to spend all night keeping it going.
Over on Reddit thelatestbuzz sat round a fire and recorded what people said and it’s very relatable. Well, all except the hot dogs bit maybe.
And just a few of the things people said about it.
‘I almost always say “that’s a good fire” and a friend almost always responds with “yep”. And I’m just now realising it.’ callebbb ‘Why are you recording us? (Both lines off the charts).’ What_U_KNO ‘I kind of love this.’ flowerchildsuper
‘They were sat there for about 5 hours apparently. And just in case you were wondering like this person (and indeed us) …
‘Anyone care to explain the white rabbits thing?’ BoilerUp218 ‘Oh I should have mentioned that in my comment notes. Apparently people say ‘white rabbit’ over and over when the smoke blows in their face. Supposedly it makes the smoke blow in a different direction. I had never heard that until that day.’ thelatestbuzz
READ MORE
This ‘hoax-proof’ fire alarm is very possibly the worst invention ever
Source Reddit u/thelatestbuzz


thepoke--2020-02-12--A mum shared this girl’s killer takedown and it turned out lots of us have doppelgängers

A mum went viral after she shared her son ’ s killer ( and totally innocent ) takedown on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ fair to say it was relatable – very relatable .
Who knew so many of @ @ @ @ @ other people shared similar killer takedowns from the little horrors , sorry , darling children @ @ @ @ @ children that are funnier than anything written by adults

Twitter
A mum went viral after she shared this girl’s killer (and totally innocent) takedown on Twitter.
Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail. Reader, both are me. — Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) February 9, 2020
And it’s fair to say it was relatable – very relatable. Who knew so many of us had doppelgängers?
One year at Passover my (now) husband’s aunt told me I was prettier than the girl he brought “last year.” Yup, I was the girl he brought “last year.” 🤦🏻♀ — Jamie Beth Cohen wrote WASTED PRETTY! (@Jamie_Beth_S) February 9, 2020
I will never forget the day my young son asked, while looking at our wedding photo “Mom, who is that pretty lady next to Dad?” — Ulla Meredith (@UllaMeredith) February 10, 2020
Had this happen to me in college. Kid was convinced I was twins. I had one class with him at 9 am and another at 2 pm. One I’d be in sweats with a band tee and one I’d be in my sorority gear with make up on. He only talked to morning me bless his heart. — Naïna (@killersumobunny) February 10, 2020
My son once looked at a picture of me with makeup and said " who's that?" — Carol Lopez (@_CFierroLopez_) February 9, 2020
Lmao I dropped my son off the other day and was walking back through the school and a 5th grader looked at me and asked “is today pajama day?” And I was like uhh no I’m just tired — Kaitlin McGlone Vonderschmitt (@kaitlinmcglone) February 10, 2020
The window lady at my local Starbucks always tells me I have a doppleganger in town. She looks just like me but older and "plain". My doppleganger is the day off me. — BarbaraVaillan2 (@vaillan2) February 10, 2020
And other people shared similar killer takedowns from the little horrors, sorry, darling children.
My friend’s 5-year-old told me this week that she “loved” my voice and then did an impression of me saying “cooool” in a monotone. It was scathing. — Beth Newell (@bethnew) February 9, 2020
My daughters friend once asked why I put basketballs in my bra, and when I told her those things are called breasts, she said, "huh-uh, there is no way those are real breasts, they don't look anything like my moms." — marla hanson (@starsih) February 9, 2020
My son put a picture of my husband and me on date night on his “Star Student” poster. In his practice introduction, he said, “This is my dad. This is my mom with makeup on.” Thanks kid. Way to set them straight. — SAWoodard (@Sawoodard22) February 10, 2020
READ MORE
45 jokes written by children that are funnier than anything written by adults
H/T Reddit Source Twitter @aubreyhirsch


thepoke--2020-02-12--What could go wrong when you ride a unicycle while pushing a wheelbarrow?

“ Pride goes before a fall ” , according to the old saying , but so does idiocy , and @ @ @ @ @ one this is .
I wanted him to Wily Coyote into the wheel barrel than @ @ @ @ @ cock and ball torture will suffice .
He definitely brought it on himself .

Videos
“Pride goes before a fall”, according to the old saying, but so does idiocy, and we think we know which one this is.
One unsympathetic Redditor remarked,
I wanted him to Wily Coyote into the wheel barrel than roll down a hill but cock and ball torture will suffice. Simblz
He definitely brought it on himself.
READ MORE
Top life advice for the accident prone
Source r/Whatcouldgowrong Image r/Whatcouldgowrong


thepoke--2020-02-12--This Times graphic of Boris Johnson’s Scotland-N Ireland has been made more honest and it’s brillian

This Times graphic of Boris Johnson’s Scotland-N Ireland has been made more honest and it’s brilliant

The Times had a helpful graphic illustrating how Boris Johnson ’ s mooted bridge linking Scotland and Northern Ireland might @ @ @ @ @ .
Over on Twitter @ christhebarker took the map and made it just a little @ @ @ @ @ lot – more honest and it ’ s the only explanation of the ‘ project @ @ @ @ @ need .
Lovely diagram of Boris ’ s rainbow bridge plans in today ’ s @ @ @ @ @ christhebarker .
And here it is ( you might have to zoom in every now @ @ @ @ @ s worth it ) .
And you ’ ll find lots more from @ christhebarker @ @ @ @ @ engineer demolished Boris Johnson ’ s idea for a Scotland-N Ireland bridge and it ’ @ @ @

Pics
The Times had a helpful graphic illustrating how Boris Johnson’s mooted bridge linking Scotland and Northern Ireland might look and work in practice.
Over on Twitter @christhebarker took the map and made it just a little bit – actually quite a lot – more honest and it’s the only explanation of the ‘project’ you’ll ever need. You’ll have to zoom in but it’s well worth it.
And you’ll find lots more from @christhebarker on Twitter here.
READ MORE
This engineer demolished Boris Johnson’s idea for a Scotland-N Ireland bridge and it’s devastating stuff
Source Twitter @christhebarker


thepoke--2020-02-12--These pranksters pretended to ‘spill’ coronavirus on a train and it’s not big or clever (but it is q

These pranksters pretended to ‘spill’ coronavirus on a train and it’s not big or clever (but it is quite funny)

These pranksters pretended to ‘ spill ’ a bucket of the coronavirus on a crowded New York subway train and @ @ @ @ @ and it ’ s not clever .
But the reaction of some of those commuters @ @ @ @ @ be real , well , have a watch for yourself .

Videos
These pranksters pretended to ‘spill’ a bucket of coronavirus on a crowded New York subway train and it’s not big and it’s not clever.
But the reaction of some of those passengers who believed it could possibly be real, well, have a watch for yourself.
And it’s fair to say opinion was divided, between people who said this.
“I’m two sided. One, it’s pretty serious right now and many people have died from the virus, but it’s good that their lifting people’s spirits and making people laugh.”
And (most) people who said stuff like this.
“I know that is prank but they should punch their faces.”
H/T Mirror


thepoke--2020-02-12--This prank with a Where’s Wally book is a work of evil genius

Blake Messick has this social media thing licked , sharing funny videos to YouTube , Instagram and TikTok .
His @ @ @ @ @ that is basically going to drive some poor innocent out of their mind , and @ @ @ @ @ hat to him for its depravity .
It ’ ll make us think twice about @ @ @ @ @ Wally – or Where ’ s Waldo – book for anyone .
Anyone we like @ @ @ @ @ TikTok users have been reacting to the perfect crime .
At least one person felt @ @ @ @ @ But think how great they ’ ll feel when they see the video .
This @ @ @ @ @ his dad and it ’ s a very funny play in 4 acts

Pics
Blake Messick has this social media thing licked, sharing funny videos to YouTube, Instagram and TikTok. His latest involves a devious prank that is basically going to drive some poor innocent out of their mind, and we have to tip our hat to him for its depravity.
It’ll make us think twice about buying a Where’s Wally – or Where’s Waldo – book for anyone. Anyone we like.
Here’s how TikTok users have been reacting to the perfect crime.
At least one person felt bad for the recipient.
But think how great they’ll feel when they see the video.
READ MORE
This guy’s been pranking his dad and it’s a very funny play in 4 acts
Source Blake Messick Image Blake Messick


thepoke--2020-02-12--Keep your eye on the dog because you’ll be as amazed as the owner

Over on Twitter this video of what the dog does next has gone wildly viral because you ’ ll be @ @ @ @ @ .
Plus , the dog ’ s body language throughout the whole thing is totally @ @ @ @ @ favourite things people said about it .
And a word from the dog … The @ @ @ @ @ ’ s face is sheer perfection

Videos
Over on Twitter this video of what the dog does next has gone wildly viral because you’ll be as amazed as the owner.
Plus, the dog’s body language throughout the whole thing is totally relatable.
since this is getting a lot of attention on all my other social media it felt appropriate to post it here too pic.twitter.com/bqXGI0iGPS — Gabbie (@gabbiefoote) February 10, 2020
‘Jonsi will you get that sock and bring it up?’
Here are our favourite things people said about it.
It looks like he sighed before he got up. He knew he didn’t have to to help. Good boy. — Lorenzo Salas (@lorenzosalas96) February 10, 2020
right? like he actually thought about it before he did it he was like “should i do it… sigh yeah ok fine I’ll help” wtf ?!?!?! — Gabbie (@gabbiefoote) February 10, 2020
he just laid down too. I know this feeling. pic.twitter.com/iQT6o6cKkK — eu ♡ (@yuhgenee) February 11, 2020
Omg his face when he just stares at it like, "am I going to do this?" And then he's like, "yep, otherwise it'll drive me crazy" — Altuve 4 HoF (@ErinAstrosFan) February 11, 2020
And a word from the dog …
Words from Jonsi : “thank u v much tweeter I so thankful 4 dis moment & wud lik to thank my dad 4 droppin sum sox. also pls follow me moms instagam for mor pawilty content of me. Jonsi. thnx” IG: @gabbiefoote pic.twitter.com/3RIyOlXcY9 — Gabbie (@gabbiefoote) February 10, 2020
READ MORE
The look on the second dog’s face is sheer perfection
Source Twitter @gabbiefoote


thepoke--2020-02-12--A Guardian reader said we’re eating fish and chips all wrong and got a Twitter battering

Grace Dent ’ s Guardian review of an award-winning chip shop in Cumbria shouldn ’ t have been controversial ; @ @ @ @ @ wasn ’ t controversial at all – but one of the comments certainly caused a @ @ @ @ @ want to see the world burn .
James Brown ( not that one ) began @ @ @ @ @ the rest of us .
Finally , this response from KletterRetter showed just how ridiculous @ @ @ @ @ Guardian guy ’ s tiny mind would be blown by a deep-fried mars Bar .
@ @ @ @ @ of an American article about “ pigs in blankets ”

Twitter
Grace Dent’s Guardian review of an award-winning chip shop in Cumbria shouldn’t have been controversial; in fact, the review wasn’t controversial at all – but one of the comments certainly caused a stir.
This week’s Guardian restaurant column is about a northern chip shop. This comment has kept me awake. I. I just. What. pic.twitter.com/9mHGb9fvOt — Grace Dent (@gracedent) February 8, 2020
Some people just want to see the world burn.
Twitter wasn’t impressed.
If you throw away the batter what do you feed the children? — (@KirstieMAllsopp) February 8, 2020
This person is a monster. https://t.co/MVTgDUPRBf — Jo Woods (@jwo30) February 11, 2020
Many wrong things are said on the Internet. Few have capacity to astonish almost everyone who reads them. https://t.co/DvpqyJY8Kh — Nick Harkaway (@Harkaway) February 8, 2020
Eh??
I thought you peeled the batter off and just ate that https://t.co/apPPcp0z7Z — Paula Gooder (@paulargooder) February 8, 2020
I'm going back to bed. Don't follow me. I'll be fine. In time. https://t.co/Ab90FxDaKf — Deanna Raybourn (@deannaraybourn) February 9, 2020
James Brown (not that one) began to question himself – and the rest of us.
It’s so bonkers and wrong it makes me wonder if he’s actually right and we’ve all, everyone, been doing it wrong . — James Brown (@jamesjamesbrown) February 8, 2020
Finally, this response from KletterRetter showed just how ridiculous the batter comment was.
Don't see the issue here… I peel the chocolate off my #marsbar before eating it https://t.co/By8vEpnf8m — KletterRetter (@KletterRetter) February 11, 2020
Guardian guy’s tiny mind would be blown by a deep-fried mars Bar.
READ MORE
Brits are finally united because of an American article about “pigs in blankets”
Source Grace Dent Image Grace Dent, @milodude on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-12--This guy decided to shave his butt and instantly regretted it (NSFW)

We know you ’ re busy , so we don ’ t normally expect you to do much reading , but when we saw this post in the TIFU – Today I Fucked Up – subreddit , it was too funny to ignore .
BabyHooey called his post “ TIFU by shaving my butt ” but it doesn ’ t convey the levels of OH MY GOD it truly deserves .
I ’ m a dude .
I got a little carried away with personal grooming time .
My usual mindset is along the lines of “ trim the grass @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ” and I ’ m not really into body shaving .
But I had the brilliant idea that maybe a non-hairy butt might be something nice to explore , so on a whim , I decided to give it a go .
I failed to take into consideration what a massive undertaking this would turn out to be .
Even if you ’ re normal-sized , your butt is bigger than you think .
It ’ s not like shaving your face , where there ’ s a relatively small amount of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ butt represents a decent-sized parcel of real estate .
And even if you ’ re not super hairy , the hair is probably widespread , which means you probably have to shave the whole thing .
With my face , I get maybe two or three swipes of the razor before I have to rinse off the blade .
With my butt , as it turns out , I get about half a swipe before the razor is full .
And I mean full in a “ rinse it off , oops that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m going to have to swipe backward against a washcloth or towel and then rinse it off some more ” kind of a way .
I ’ m pretty sure I ’ m going to have to throw out this washcloth because even after washing it , it still has the appearance of my grandparents ’ shag carpet .
Also , even if you ’ re flexible , your butt ’ s kind of difficultly positioned and awkward to reach .
I had to keep reminding myself which way I was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I developed a very real fear that I was accidentally going to do a sideways swipe instead of a vertical swipe , which would disastrous for obvious reasons .

We know you’re busy, so we don’t normally expect you to do much reading, but when we saw this post in the TIFU – Today I Fucked Up – subreddit, it was too funny to ignore.
BabyHooey called his post “TIFU by shaving my butt” but it doesn’t convey the levels of OH MY GOD it truly deserves.
I’m a dude. I got a little carried away with personal grooming time. My usual mindset is along the lines of “trim the grass but don’t scorch the earth,” and I’m not really into body shaving. But I had the brilliant idea that maybe a non-hairy butt might be something nice to explore, so on a whim, I decided to give it a go.
I failed to take into consideration what a massive undertaking this would turn out to be. Even if you’re normal-sized, your butt is bigger than you think. It’s not like shaving your face, where there’s a relatively small amount of surface that needs actual shaving. A butt represents a decent-sized parcel of real estate.
via Gfycat
And even if you’re not super hairy, the hair is probably widespread, which means you probably have to shave the whole thing.
With my face, I get maybe two or three swipes of the razor before I have to rinse off the blade. With my butt, as it turns out, I get about half a swipe before the razor is full. And I mean full in a “rinse it off, oops that didn’t work, I guess I’m going to have to swipe backward against a washcloth or towel and then rinse it off some more” kind of a way.
I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to throw out this washcloth because even after washing it, it still has the appearance of my grandparents’ shag carpet.
Also, even if you’re flexible, your butt’s kind of difficultly positioned and awkward to reach. I had to keep reminding myself which way I was going, and at some point, I developed a very real fear that I was accidentally going to do a sideways swipe instead of a vertical swipe, which would disastrous for obvious reasons.


thepoke--2020-02-12--Rory Stewart wants Londoners to put him up for the night – the 9 funniest comments

Rory Stewart is quite unlike any other politicians around .
The former Conservative and current London Mayoral candidate likes to @ @ @ @ @ his # RoryWalks videos were a highlight of the Tory leadership contest in 2019 .
@ @ @ @ @ he has launched a new drive to get to know Londoners – # ComeKipWithMe If @ @ @ @ @ to talk about reducing crime .
Twitter had a lot to say about it .
@ @ @ @ @ he might make himself useful .
The Telegraph said Rory Stewart used to be a @ @ @ @ @ responses you need

News
Rory Stewart is quite unlike any other politicians around. The former Conservative and current London Mayoral candidate likes to talk to people, and his #RoryWalks videos were a highlight of the Tory leadership contest in 2019.
In a similar vein, he has launched a new drive to get to know Londoners – #ComeKipWithMe
Today I'm launching #ComeKipWithMe – asking Londoners to invite me into their homes and show me the city through their eyes. I want to know your concerns and your ideas. And I promise to bring a sleeping bag and a box of chocolates! Sign up: https://t.co/jtrLIw7i2G pic.twitter.com/TC7Vfg5tNk — Rory Stewart (@RoryStewartUK) February 11, 2020
If the Milk Tray Man wanted to talk about reducing crime.
Twitter had a lot to say about it.
1.
You know that thing in vampire legend where you need to invite the vampire into your home? Yes, that. https://t.co/qLk31cd4Jp — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) February 11, 2020
2.
I know I have a reputation for sleeping with anyone, but I'm afraid I draw the line at you Rory. — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 11, 2020
3.
rory stewart is in your home. rory stewart is on your sofa, playing your ps4. rory stewart helping himself to your food. rory stewart is hurt when you ask how long he's staying. rory stewart is assembling an enormous shisa pipe and puffing himself silly. this is rory's house now https://t.co/WsRfxd2Lb8 — Stan The Golden Boy (@tristandross) February 11, 2020
4.
I wanna live like common people
I wanna do whatever common people do
Wanna sleep with common people
I wanna sleep with common people
Like you https://t.co/91qulixBob — Adam Kay (@amateuradam) February 11, 2020
5.
Rory mate has the wife kicked you out https://t.co/U1PiJnZGqs — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) February 11, 2020
6.
6am. You wake up. Rory Stewart is lying next to you, staring into your eyes. "Tell me what *your* London is like," he says. 8am. You eat your cereal. "But what do Londoners like you *really* want for breakfast?" he asks. 11pm. You get into bed. Rory Stewart is lying beside y https://t.co/h6vYUSjWVS — Alan White (@aljwhite) February 11, 2020
7.
Is everything ok at home, Rory? — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) February 11, 2020
8.
Mate, why not just use Guardian Soulmates https://t.co/BUUg89Hnmo — Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) February 11, 2020
9.
I recently did #ComeUkipWithMe where I got to do an evening's border patrol looking for migrant vessels with UKIP members in Margate. https://t.co/RzjPptUWba — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP 🇬🇧 (@MarkFrancois12) February 11, 2020
Writer Suzanne Moore wondered whether he might make himself useful.
Do you wipe down the work tops? Also got some bulbs that need changing . — suzanne moore (@suzanne_moore) February 11, 2020
Light bulbs a yes – counter-tops no — Rory Stewart (@RoryStewartUK) February 11, 2020
Tough break, Suzanne. Try Sadiq Khan.
READ MORE
The Telegraph said Rory Stewart used to be a spy – the only 11 responses you need
Source Rory Stewart Image Rory Stewart


thepoke--2020-02-12--“Mum was fed up of the squirrels stealing all the bird food so she greased the feeder!”

Redditor pattywobbles has shared this clip of the scenes as a hungry – or greedy – squirrel tries to climb @ @ @ @ @ its paws on the contents of the bird feeder .
If that had a David @ @ @ @ @ be absolutely perfect .
If squirrels could talk , this one would be saying “ @ @ @ @ @ This delivery guy ’ s cute close encounter with a squirrel is an absolute joy

Videos
Redditor pattywobbles has shared this clip of the scenes as a hungry – or greedy – squirrel tries to climb a greasy pole to get its paws on the contents of the bird feeder.
It only needs a David Attenborough voiceover to be absolutely perfect.
If squirrels could talk, this one would be saying “Oh, nuts!”
READ MORE
This delivery guy’s cute close encounter with a squirrel is an absolute joy
Source r/aww Image r/aww


thepoke--2020-02-12--7 favourite reactions to Dominic Cummings’ ramble about a kids’ TV show

Just when you think unelected bureaucrat , Dominic Cummings , has got as weird as he ’ s going to @ @ @ @ @ up a little .
Having gone on the record as being opposed to the HS2 @ @ @ @ @ the Prime Minister had given it the go-ahead brought up some questions .
Apparently , @ @ @ @ @ theme tune of animated kids ’ show , PJ Masks – although , we listened @ @ @ @ @ like “ bedtime is the right time ” to us .
Finally , the Telegraph @ @ @ @ @ Editor had this experienced take on the whole thing .
Simply 17 funny things people @ @ @ @ @ Dominic ‘ two scarves ’ Cummings

News
Just when you think unelected bureaucrat, Dominic Cummings, has got as weird as he’s going to get, he ramps it up a little.
Having gone on the record as being opposed to the HS2 project, the news that his puppet the Prime Minister had given it the go-ahead brought up some questions.
Dominic Cummings says "we need PJ Masks on the job" Asked for his response to the government's decision to go ahead with HS2, the PM's senior adviser channels the crime-fighting superheroes and says: "The night time is the right time to fight crime"https://t.co/62QwKDsUwN pic.twitter.com/2nw0PAZiV7 — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) February 11, 2020
You what, mate?
“The night time is the right time to fight crime – I can’t think of a rhyme.”
Apparently, that’s from the theme tune of animated kids’ show, PJ Masks – although, we listened to it and it sounded like “bedtime is the right time” to us.
Obviously, people had thoughts.
1.
I can't get enough of Dominic Cummings thinking he is a genius but actually being a certifiable nobheadpic.twitter.com/eYzlGDUzBC — end of daves ❄ 🥕 (@davemacladd) February 11, 2020
2.
Cabinet relations going well, I see. Boris Johnson's top aide Dom Cummings suggests that cartoon superheroes PJ Masks would "do a better job than all of them put together". https://t.co/EAIIbiAarT — Pippa Crerar (@PippaCrerar) February 11, 2020
3.
We're living in an episode of Nathan Barley. https://t.co/KJwJBt71Sg — Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) February 11, 2020
4.
To be fair, last time he was doorstepped he breezily tried to school the former Attorney General on constitutional law, shortly before the Supreme Court handed his arse to him, so the kids TV stuff is probably safer. https://t.co/HrQ0oGBtMb — Tom Peck (@tompeck) February 11, 2020
5.
Only Brexit Day +2 weeks & it's beginning to feel rather like having David Icke running the country & ranting about reptiles … 🦎 🙄🇪🇺 https://t.co/Xdvwk1CEob — Rosh Mallaghan #WeAreRemain 🇪🇺 (@roshbeth) February 11, 2020
6.
FACTCHECK VERDICT; Partially true. According to the ONS there has been a significant decrease in violent crime committed at night from 65% in 2008 to around 54% now. So although the night time is the right time to fight crime so increasingly is the day time.#data https://t.co/KNcy80tVK9 — Carl Dinnen (@carldinnen) February 11, 2020
7.
The unelected man who’s running the country is showing signs of being completely off his face this morning.#DominicCummings — Kevin Dunn (@Adeodatus) February 11, 2020
Finally, the Telegraph’s Arts and Entertainment Editor had this experienced take on the whole thing.
Everyone says he's a genius but only an idiot would call for PJ Masks instead of Paw Patrol https://t.co/RZ2h5zrgwH — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) February 11, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 17 funny things people said about this picture of Dominic ‘two scarves’ Cummings
Source BBC Politics Image BBC Politics Disney


thepoke--2020-02-12--‘Some German guy got bored and tried to name all 50 states of America’

We like this , a Germany chap who ’ s tried to name all of America ’ s 50 states @ @ @ @ @ .
To be filed under ‘ too good to check ’ .
‘ I live @ @ @ @ @ ’ m so confused on where it is.
’ jwall54 ‘ ” The fuck is @ @ @ @ @ We dont even know , dude.
’ Jiazinho

Pics
We like this, a German chap who tried to identify all of America’s 50 states and this was the result.
Very funny. The frustration is palpable.
‘I live in Ohio and now I’m so confused on where it is.’ jwall54 ‘Proud resident of AAAAAA.’ eddieotoniel ‘The great state of Oreo.’ wave_PhD ‘”The fuck is going on here?” We dont even know, dude.’ Jiazinho
READ MORE
6 maps that divide England linguistically
Source Reddit u/E_TONY_ROMO_PICS


thepoke--2020-02-12--People said this woman’s weight loss pics were faked because her tattoos switch sides and it wins fa

People said this woman’s weight loss pics were faked because her tattoos switch sides and it wins facepalm of the week

Facepalm of the week goes to all these people – every single one of them – who said this woman @ @ @ @ @ must be faked because her tattoos switch from one shoulder to another .
Except , @ @ @ @ @ for yourself .
Just in case that ’ s tricky to read , here ’ @ @ @ @ @ those comments .
We can ’ t do any better than Redditor Calamity__ who shared @ @ @ @ @ about it , .
‘ It ’ s obviously the same face , these people @ @ @ @ @ Not the first and probably not the last time I ’ ve seen people claim @ @ @ @ @ be of the same person because one is a mirror image .
Mirrors really confuse @ @ @ @ @ had never even heard of them before.
’ kasdap Facepalm of the week ( not @ @ @ @ @ one )

Pics
Facepalm of the week goes to all these people – every single one of them – who said this woman’s weight loss pics must be faked because her tattoos switch from one shoulder to another.
Except, well, have a look for yourself.
Just in case that’s tricky to read, here’s a representative sample of those comments.
‘Damn didn’t know tattoos swapped sides when losing weight. Damn, that shit’s crazy.’ ‘This is 2 different people. Look at the tattoos.’ ‘Whoever believes this is stupid.’
We can’t do any better than Redditor Calamity__ who shared the picture and said this about it,.
‘Literally no one noticed that one pic is taken in front of a mirror. I have no words.’
‘It’s obviously the same face, these people are stupid.’ t3h_b0ss ‘Not the first and probably not the last time I’ve seen people claim two photos can’t be of the same person because one is a mirror image. Mirrors really confuse some people as if they had never even heard of them before.’ kasdap ‘Those people blinded by hate.’ dueytk
READ MORE
Facepalm of the week (not this one, a different one)
Source Reddit u/Calamity__


thepoke--2020-02-12--This biblical Donald Trump takedown is both the subtlest burn and the most brutal

It ’ s not often burns manage to be both this subtle and this brutal .
‘ Murdered by the Word of God , ’ writes vsasso over on Reddit and you know what ?
They ’ re not kidding .
And just in case , like us , you ’ ve not been keeping up with your bible studies , it turns out it gets more brutal the further you go .
‘ When he is tried , let him be found guilty , and may his prayers condemn him .
May his days be few ; may another @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his children be fatherless and his wife a widow .
May his children be wandering beggars ; may they be driven from their ruined homes .
‘ May a creditor seize all he has ; may strangers plunder the fruits of his Labor .
May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children .
May his descendants be cut off , their names blotted out from the next generation .
‘ May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD ; may the sin of his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their sins always remain before the Lord , that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth .
For he never thought of doing a kindness , but hounded to death the poor and the needy and the brokenhearted .
‘ He loved to pronounce a curse– may it come on him ; he found no pleasure in blessing– may it be far from him .
He wore cursing as his garment ; it entered into his body like water , into his bones like oil .
May it be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like a belt tied forever around him.
’ Anyway , you get the idea .
Only problem was it ’ ll be lost on some Trump lovers who assume it ’ s just a pro-Trump thing .
‘ So you give these stickers out for free .
People will put them on their cars because they say Pray for trump without checking the passage .
So then you have to decide if a person has it on their bumper knowing or unknowingly.
’ vidmaster7 ‘ You ’ d have to hope knowingly , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ some Trump supporters aren ’ t the brightest bulbs in the box to begin with.
’ GhostOfAnOldUsername But the ones who get it , well , they ’ ll really get it .

Pics
It’s not often burns manage to be both this subtle and this brutal.
‘Murdered by the Word of God,’ writes vsasso over on Reddit and you know what? They’re not kidding.
‘Pray for Trump Psalm 109:8’
And just in case, like us, you’ve not been keeping up with your bible studies, it turns out it gets more brutal the further you go.
‘When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. ‘May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his Labor. May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children. May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation. ‘May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD; may the sin of his mother never be blotted out. May their sins always remain before the Lord, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth. For he never thought of doing a kindness, but hounded to death the poor and the needy and the brokenhearted. ‘He loved to pronounce a curse– may it come on him; he found no pleasure in blessing– may it be far from him. He wore cursing as his garment; it entered into his body like water, into his bones like oil. May it be like a cloak wrapped about him, like a belt tied forever around him.’
Anyway, you get the idea.
Only problem was it’ll be lost on some Trump lovers who assume it’s just a pro-Trump thing.
‘So you give these stickers out for free. People will put them on their cars because they say Pray for trump without checking the passage. So then you have to decide if a person has it on their bumper knowing or unknowingly.’ vidmaster7 ‘You’d have to hope knowingly, and they get it… then again, some Trump supporters aren’t the brightest bulbs in the box to begin with.’ GhostOfAnOldUsername
But the ones who get it, well, they’ll really get it.
READ MORE
Ivanka Trump takedown of the week
Source Reddit yu/vsasso


thepoke--2020-02-12--Jeremy Corbyn just trolled Boris Johnson by asking if he’d deport himself and it’s brutal

A memorable PMQs today and it ’ s not often you say that .
Mostly – in fact , entirely @ @ @ @ @ which Jeremy Corbyn asked Boris Johnson if he ’ d deport himself .
The Labour @ @ @ @ @ minister over the issue of the deportation of convicted offenders to Jamaica who were brought @ @ @ @ @ look on Johnson ’ s face says it all .
Journalist and former Guardian columnist @ @ @ @ @ very well .
PMQs with Monty Python ’ s ‘ What have the Romans ever @ @ @ @ @ top is the perfect Brexit takedown

News
A memorable PMQs today and it’s not often you say that. Mostly – in fact, entirely – for this moment in which Jeremy Corbyn asked Boris Johnson if he’d deport himself.
The Labour leader was challenging the prime minister over the issue of the deportation of convicted offenders to Jamaica who were brought here as children.
"if there was a case of a young white boy with blonde hair who later dabbled in class A drugs and conspired with a friend to beat up a journalist, would he deport that boy?" Boris Johnson feels the 🔥 at #pmqspic.twitter.com/5iUCcHU4JV — end of daves ❄ 🥕 (@davemacladd) February 12, 2020
The look on Johnson’s face says it all.
Johnson really didn’t like Corbyn asking if a man who arrived in the UK from the US aged 5 then dabbled in class A drugs and conspired to beat up a journalist should be deported back to the US. Too close to home #PMQs — Kevin Maguire (@Kevin_Maguire) February 12, 2020
The face that says "how dare you compare a privileged white man to black men I'm deporting for doing the same thing I've done"
#PMQs pic.twitter.com/vkmFujlfmZ — troovus (@troovus) February 12, 2020
https://twitter.com/AlexTaylorNews/status/1227567141450326022?s=20
And here’s a longer clip, including Johnson’s response.
Jeremy Corbyn brutally attacks Boris Johnson over the deportation of convicted offenders to Jamaica. "Is it one rule for young black boys from the Caribbean and another for white boys from the US?" #PMQspic.twitter.com/USK1zM3fMW — LBC (@LBC) February 12, 2020
Journalist and former Guardian columnist Gary Younge summed it up very well.
So if you came to the country as a child and sold class A drugs you could be deported by the person you sold them to, who also came to the country as a child. Seems fair. https://t.co/2PR1fS2xXx — Gary Younge (@garyyounge) February 12, 2020
To conclude …
Corbyn asks Boris Johnson if he'd deport himself. A class piece of trolling. #PMQs pic.twitter.com/2jzS45yGWL — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 12, 2020
One mystery remains unsolved, however.
Where was this fighting talk during the general election? — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 12, 2020
READ MORE
PMQs with Monty Python’s ‘What have the Romans ever done for us’ on top is the perfect Brexit takedown


thepoke--2020-02-13--17 unexpected things found inside other things

Anybody who ’ s ever found a double-yolker or an extra bag of salt in a salt-n-shake bag of crisps @ @ @ @ @ when an unexpected bonus rears its head .
Imagine , then , how happy the @ @ @ @ @ things , gathered by the brill crowd at Bored Panda .
4 .
Somebody summon @ @ @ @ @ .
If ever a writer were going to haunt a book … 7 .
Well @ @ @ @ @ hidden until you work to bring them out 9 .
That ’ s about the @ @ @

Pics
Anybody who’s ever found a double-yolker or an extra bag of salt in a salt-n-shake bag of crisps will know that disproportionate thrill when an unexpected bonus rears its head.
Imagine, then, how happy the people who found these amazing things, gathered by the brill crowd at Bored Panda.
1. They rolled a 4
2. 2 of your 5-a-day
3. Leap-hog
4. Somebody summon the mother of dragons
5. If ever a writer were going to haunt a book …
6. A metaphor for the White House
7. Well, abs tend to stay hidden until you work to bring them out
8. Surf and surf
9. That’s about the size of it


thepoke--2020-02-13--Venn diagram of the week

Venn diagram of the week

This is our new favourite Venn diagram by @ itsandyryan over on Twitter .
He tweeted it a little while @ @ @ @ @ just gone viral on Reddit and people simply love it .
Andy also shared his @ @ @ @ @ which you can see here .
And follow him on Twitter here !
Probably the @ @ @ @ @ ever see ( apart from the one you ’ ve just seen ) Source @ @ @ @ @

Pics
This is our new favourite Venn diagram, by @ItsAndyRyan over on Twitter.
He tweeted it a little while ago but it’s just gone viral on Reddit and people simply love it.
‘Quick someone kill a roman emporer with a dove.’ HHx4 ‘Sure just need to find a Roman Emperor.’ OnionGod181
Andy also shared his other favourite jokes from 2019 which you can see here.
And follow him on Twitter here!
READ MORE
Probably the best Venn diagram you will ever see (apart from the one you’ve just seen)
Source @ItsAndyRyan H/T Reddit u/ManMan1919 Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-13--Freeloading Brian had the tables turned on him and he really didn’t like it at all

In today ’ s episode of ‘ people trying to get something for nothing ’ comes Brian who wants to @ @ @ @ @ a big night he ’ s organising .
Only thing is he can ’ t @ @ @ @ @ but there will be some ‘ drinks and food ’ .
But when the tables @ @ @ @ @ ’ s fair to say it didn ’ t go down so well .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ , exactly the same … , ’ said runeglifberg who shared the exchange on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ had an even better idea .
‘ I ’ d like to point out that @ @ @ @ @ hey I can ’ t pay in money but I ’ m a painter so @ @ @ @ @ something you need painted I ’ ll take care of it !
!
” Is @ @ @ @ @ exposure or just some snacks you have on hand.
’ 7 times social media ‘ @ @ @ @ @ were told exactly where to go – and very satisfying it is too

Pics
In today’s episode of ‘people trying to get something for nothing’ comes Brian who wants to hire ‘JB’ for a big night he’s organising.
Only thing is he can’t afford to pay them, but there will be some ‘drinks and food’.
But when the tables were turned on him it’s fair to say it didn’t go down so well.
‘Its exactly the same Brian, exactly the same …,’ said runeglifberg who shared the exchange on Reddit.
And fellow Redditor Hashonyx had an even better idea.
‘I’d like to point out that offering a trade of “hey I can’t pay in money but I’m a painter so if you’ve got something you need painted I’ll take care of it!!” Is so much better than offering exposure or just some snacks you have on hand.’
Yes!
READ MORE
7 times social media ‘influencers’ seeking free stuff were told exactly where to go – and very satisfying it is too
Source Reddit u/runeglifberg


thepoke--2020-02-13--This woman selling high heels online has a very satisfying way of dealing with pervy time wasters

It ’ s not always ( ever ) straightforward selling stuff online , with people who ask stupid questions , @ @ @ @ @ minute , or insist on trying to get stuff on the cheap .
And this @ @ @ @ @ shoes online has a very specific type of time waster and has come up with @ @ @ @ @ it that is 10/10 .
‘ When I ’ m selling my high heels on @ @ @ @ @ over on Reddit .
‘ This is how I deal with dudes that pretend to @ @ @ @ @ to try and get some free wank bank material .
This girl wasn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ is happy to help.
’ We can only hope it doesn ’ t attract a @ @ @ @ @ time waster .
This artist ’ s response to people asking for a free portrait @ @ @ @ @ art

Pics
It’s not always (ever) straightforward selling stuff online, with people who ask stupid questions, back out at the last minute, or insist on trying to get stuff on the cheap.
Time wasters, basically.
And this person who sells high heel shoes online has a very specific type of time waster and has come up with a way of dealing with it that is 10/10.
‘When I’m selling my high heels on Marketplace,’ writes Bradders33 over on Reddit. ‘This is how I deal with dudes that pretend to want to buy my shoes to try and get some free wank bank material. This girl wasn’t born yesterday. My dog is happy to help.’
That’s right. They are modelled by her dog.
‘That’s brilliant. Can you share a picture of you wearing the shoes but looking smug because you outfoxed the perverts.’ Supersoniccyborg ‘I ain’t falling for that mate. [Whistles Murphy over].’ Bradders33
We can only hope it doesn’t attract a whole new breed of pervy time waster.
‘Plot twist – that’s what they were actually after.’ Lo-ItsBabyJesus
This artist’s response to people asking for a free portrait is truly a work of art
Source Reddit u/Bradders33


thepoke--2020-02-13--Do you have one of these lesser-known personality types?

Psychologists , and the general public , often talk in terms of a limited number of personality types – predominantly @ @ @ @ @ well as things like open , conscientious , agreeable , and neurotic .
However , @ @ @ @ @ , @ introvertdoodles shows , there are a lot more than that .
Here are @ @ @ @ @ comments on Marzi ’ s post .
I got one more ( which is not @ @ @ @ @ seen it ) : Puts the milk in the tea before it ’ s finished @ @ @ @ @ took a “ Which Beatle Are You ?
” personality test and didn ’ t @ @ @ @

Pics
Psychologists, and the general public, often talk in terms of a limited number of personality types – predominantly extroverted and introverted, as well as things like open, conscientious, agreeable, and neurotic.
However, as this chart by Marzi, @introvertdoodles shows, there are a lot more than that.
Here are just a few of the comments on Marzi’s post.
I feel seen crazycarlagurrrl
I was Team Type K until SHE (my wife) happened. I’m still not sure if that’s good or bad 🤔😄 espia001
E and L. Omg they are free at Burger place and soo perfect to give toddler when cranky 😍 linda_arlevik
Obviously, the chart isn’t exhaustive.
I got one more (which is not me but I’ve seen it): Puts the milk in the tea before it’s finished seeping. nme421
READ MORE
So Ringo Starr took a “Which Beatle Are You?” personality test and didn’t like the result much
Source Marzi Image Marzi


thepoke--2020-02-13--A doctor’s takedown of this anti-vaxxer’s ‘measles’ post was simply clinical

Anti-vaxxer takedown of the week goes to this doctor ’ s response to an anti-vaxxer who went online to say @ @ @ @ @ case that ’ s tricky to read … ‘ Would you like to accompany me @ @ @ @ @ can tell our measles encephalitis and viral sepsis patients , the ones in comas and @ @ @ @ @ that their suffering isn ’ t all that bad and is just being exaggerated by @ @ @ @ @ clueless quacks who ‘ HaVenTt DoNe ThEiR rEsEaRcH ’ like me .
‘ You can @ @ @ @ @ tap !
Read your favourite vaccine insert to them while they sob in fear and @ @ @ @ @ very fun !
‘ In case you haven ’ t noticed my sarcasm , you @ @ @ @ @ and possibly a sociopath .
How I wish children suffering in the infectious ward could @ @ @ @ @ ’ for Halloween like the privileged idiots who put them there.
’ Roald Dahl ’ @ @ @ @ @ even more relevant today than it was 30 years ago

Pics
Anti-vaxxer takedown of the week goes to this doctor’s response to an anti-vaxxer who went online to say this.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
‘Would you like to accompany me on my rounds? You can tell our measles encephalitis and viral sepsis patients, the ones in comas and seizures and high fevers, that their suffering isn’t all that bad and is just being exaggerated by ‘Big Pharma’ and clueless quacks who ‘HaVenTt DoNe ThEiR rEsEaRcH’ like me. ‘You can even assist with the spinal tap! Read your favourite vaccine insert to them while they sob in fear and agony. Very cool and very fun! ‘In case you haven’t noticed my sarcasm, you’re a horrible person and possibly a sociopath. How I wish children suffering in the infectious ward could dress as ‘fake diseases’ for Halloween like the privileged idiots who put them there.’
Absolutely perfect.
READ MORE
Roald Dahl’s shutdown of anti-vaxxers is even more relevant today than it was 30 years ago
Source Reddit u/shampoo_and_dick


thepoke--2020-02-13--Watch this Twitch streamer die inside as she loses her wig during a broadcast

When Twitch streamer jinnytty spotted a new follower , she wanted them to know she appreciated it .
She should @ @ @ @ @ Thank you ” .
Redditor BriByDayAndNight shared the video to a subreddit called r/WatchPeopleDieInside , @ @ @ @ @ this moment .
She could have made it a lot worse .
As u/antd79 remarked @ @ @ @ @ inside as much as he did ’

Videos
When Twitch streamer jinnytty spotted a new follower, she wanted them to know she appreciated it. She should have just stuck to “Thank you”.
Redditor BriByDayAndNight shared the video to a subreddit called r/WatchPeopleDieInside, which we estimate to be this moment.
She could have made it a lot worse. As u/antd79 remarked
“I’ve never seen someone flip their wig so calmly.”
READ MORE
‘I died on the inside as much as he did’
Source r/WatchPeopleDieInside Image r/WatchPeopleDieInside


thepoke--2020-02-13--This “extra pound” Maths poser has some people bamboozled

TikToker MAHIN OFFICIAL shared a new version of an old logic problem that usually involves three people in a restaurant @ @ @ @ @ out in a spend and balance table .
Can you see what he did ?
@ @ @ @ @ .
Others thought they ’ d spotted his error – they hadn ’ t .
@ @ @ @ @ stumped , and these explain the issue .
They should probably avoid watching the budget @ @ @

Videos
TikToker MAHIN OFFICIAL shared a new version of an old logic problem that usually involves three people in a restaurant, but he set it out in a spend and balance table.
Here’s the problem.
Can you see what he did? These people couldn’t.
Others thought they’d spotted his error – they hadn’t.
Thankfully, not everybody was stumped, and these explain the issue.
The whole thing made Grimbobaggins despair.
They should probably avoid watching the budget next month.
READ MORE
A tricky maths question has divided the internet – 11 calculated responses
Source TikTok Image TikTok, @brucemars on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-13--Shelagh Fogarty took down a caller who suggested making deportations a business

LBC presenter , Shelagh Fogarty could hardly believe her ears when a caller named Bill rang in with his “ @ @ @ @ @ prison costs .
He was clearly inspired by the government ’ s recent deportation of @ @ @ @ @ citizens for a range of spent crimes , including possession of drugs for their own @ @ @ @ @ the UK could sentence criminals to time in foreign jails at a third of the @ @ @ @ @ had Shelagh branding him “ daft ” from the outset .
Presumably because she ’ @ @ @ @ @ people anything stronger on air .
She made this excellent point to Bill : It @ @ @ @ @ her with nothing more to say to him than , When the link was shared @ @ @ @ @ suggested James O ’ Brien had the perfect burn for a caller pushing a wild @ @ @

Videos
LBC presenter, Shelagh Fogarty could hardly believe her ears when a caller named Bill rang in with his “brilliant” idea for cutting prison costs.
He was clearly inspired by the government’s recent deportation of a number of foreign-born British citizens for a range of spent crimes, including possession of drugs for their own use.
Listen and weep.
His theory that the UK could sentence criminals to time in foreign jails at a third of the cost of keeping them here had Shelagh branding him “daft” from the outset. Presumably because she’s not allowed to call people anything stronger on air.
She made this excellent point to Bill:
“Would you want people deported to this country because the Government thought it was a good idea for us to take in criminals?”
It failed to land, leaving her with nothing more to say to him than,
“Bill, you know this is daft. I’m not taking any more of this, it’s nonsense. It’s like meeting a drunk in a pub.”
*Coughs*
via Gfycat
When the link was shared on Twitter, @cooperA86682798 suggested
I think Bill just watched Escape From New York too many times…
READ MORE
James O’Brien had the perfect burn for a caller pushing a wild EU conspiracy theory
Source LBC Image LBC, @ansleycreative on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-13--These 16 spoof Antiques Roadshow captions make us really want to watch it

We know that everybody who watches Antiques Roadshow is secretly hoping that someone will be told their precious item is @ @ @ @ @ to see their face as they pretend not to care .
Content creator , Keaton @ @ @ @ @ reason – so he can get these screenshots and add his own brilliantly funny captions @

Pics
We know that everybody who watches Antiques Roadshow is secretly hoping that someone will be told their precious item is worth a tenner, just to see their face as they pretend not to care.
Content creator, Keaton Patti watches it for another reason – so he can get these screenshots and add his own brilliantly funny captions.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.


thepoke--2020-02-13--4 favourite reactions to Andrew Neil savaging the PM’s failure to deliver projects

Boris Johnson received an absolute savaging from a fairly unexpected quarter , on Wednesday , when Andrew Neil opened his @ @ @ @ @ Boris Johnson ’ s failed projects , and it was delivered with sarcasm worthy of @ @ @ @ @ was torn between Boris Johnson fans yelling about BBC bias , and people who were @ @ @ @ @ of his dreadful record in his various political offices .
These four captured the spirit @ @ @ @ @ This tweeter named @ Normanjam67 wasn ’ t too impressed , however .
Stable doors @ @ @ @ @ place .
Andrew Neil called out Boris Johnson for failing to be interviewed – the @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
Boris Johnson received an absolute savaging from a fairly unexpected quarter, on Wednesday, when Andrew Neil opened his show with a list of Boris Johnson’s failed projects, and it was delivered with sarcasm worthy of the Mash Report.
“Other than Crossrail, the Boris bus, the cable car, the garden bridge, the new airport, and the water cannon, just look at what he’s done for our infrastructure. I think we can all agree HS2 is safe in the PM’s hands”@afneil opens #andrewneilshow https://t.co/1wpriS7bOQ pic.twitter.com/FvS1mrdGWT — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) February 12, 2020
Twitter was torn between Boris Johnson fans yelling about BBC bias, and people who were pleased to see some scrutiny of his dreadful record in his various political offices.
These four captured the spirit of the latter group.
1.
“and don’t forget the water cannon, they were never used” Totally epic 🔥 of all Boris Johnson’s transport failures 👏#andrewneilshowpic.twitter.com/G2pikn70kW — end of daves ❄ 🥕 (@davemacladd) February 12, 2020
2.
Andrew Neil absolutely going to town on Boris here, and his woeful record. No wonder he hasn't got he bollocks to sit and be interviewed by him. #andrewneilshow — Matteo (@giletjoan) February 12, 2020
3.
Translation for non-Londoners:
* Vastly late and over budget
* Looks great, but is rubbish
* Basically useless
* Millions wasted, nothing delivered
* What new airport?
* Illegal to use, and scrapped at public expense — Götz von Berlichingen #FBPE 🐟 #SardinesUK (@georgebernhard) February 12, 2020
4.
For once I agree with Andrew Neil.
Johnson is a profligate narcissist.
Make no mistake. https://t.co/zPgFNWoY3a — Ted Smith #FBPE #RejoinEUFB (@TedUrchin) February 12, 2020
This tweeter named @Normanjam67 wasn’t too impressed, however.
Six weeks after the General Election, now we are stuck with a Conservative Government for 5yrs, the BBC decide to hold Boris Johnson for his failures.
Bravo. https://t.co/TMC5Ofjjo1 — 💚 Norman. (@Normanjam67) February 12, 2020
Stable doors and horses all over the place.
READ MORE
Andrew Neil called out Boris Johnson for failing to be interviewed – the only 5 reactions you need
Source BBC


thepoke--2020-02-13--This man’s painting of a banana in an aluminium container is so real it’s blowing people’s minds

This really is next level art , a picture shared on Reddit by udi90007 who says ‘ I painted a @ @ @ @ @ .
Oilpaint on a flat ( but not rectangular ) panel , finished today.
’ @ @ @ @ @ amazing because , well , have a look at it yourself .
And , like @ @ @ @ @ were struggling to get their heads round it .
‘ I ’ m still somehow @ @ @ @ @ giant banana in an aluminium container.
’ julietsnotdeadyet ‘ Or a normal banana in a @ @ @ @ @ person.
’ TannedCroissant ‘ Wait .
I ’ m sorry but has the depth also @ @ @ @ @ Cause if so , that ’ s what ‘ s really bananas here.
’ ghostmostly @ @ @ @ @ level of detail in this painting is just extraordinary

Pics
This really is next level art, a picture shared on Reddit by udi90007 who says ‘I painted a banana in an aluminium container. Oilpaint on a flat (but not rectangular) panel, finished today.’
And it’s just amazing because, well, have a look at it yourself.
And, like us, lots of people were struggling to get their heads round it.
‘I’m still somehow convinced that it is a giant banana in an aluminium container.’ julietsnotdeadyet ‘Or a normal banana in a tin next to a tiny person.’ TannedCroissant ‘Needs a banana for scale.’ stendec25 ‘Wait. I’m sorry but has the depth also been painted??? Cause if so, that’s what‘s really bananas here.’ ghostmostly
Yes!
READ MORE
This video showing the amazing level of detail in this painting is just extraordinary
Source Reddit u/udi90007


thepoke--2020-02-13--Simply 13 funny things people said about Boris Johnson’s Cabinet reshuffle

Boris Johnson is having his first proper cabinet reshuffle , and it ’ s proving to be less a Night @ @ @ @ @ more an Afternoon of the Short Tempers , as some surprise names get the heave @ @ @ @ @ ready , willing and more than able to sum up the situation as it unfolds @ @ @ @ @ government in Boris Johnson ’ s reshuffle – only 6 responses you need

Pics
Boris Johnson is having his first proper cabinet reshuffle, and it’s proving to be less a Night of the Long Knives and more an Afternoon of the Short Tempers, as some surprise names get the heave ho.
Twitter has been ready, willing and more than able to sum up the situation as it unfolds.
1.
Off to a great start with my Cabinet reshuffle – Dominic Cummings has confirmed that I can stay on as Prime Minister.#reshuffle — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 13, 2020
2.
Imagine being so shit you get fired by Boris Johnson — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 13, 2020
3.
Summary of today’s news: One set of terrible human beings to be replaced with another set of terrible human beings who are owed favours or who have promised favours.#reshuffle — Simon Bruni (@SimonBruni) February 13, 2020
4.
#Reshuffle update:
I was offered my pick of the jobs, but decided to stick at what I do best. pic.twitter.com/Rilj3MNf94 — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 13, 2020
5.
New cabinet: 1. Dominic Cummings Supported by Boris Johnson, Tea Boy.#reshuffle — Ken Clarke (@MrKennethClarke) February 13, 2020
6.
Esther McVey has had quite a morning. Sacked as housing minister only minutes after discovering what a housing minister is supposed to do. — Russ (@RussInCheshire) February 13, 2020
7.
8.
Pretend you’re doing a cabinet #reshuffle at work today by switching jobs in the office today for no particular reason. Susan in marketing? She’s now in charge of HR. Ken who doesn’t seem to do anything and just hangs around the kitchen? Head of legal. — Dave (@davechannel) February 13, 2020
9.
10.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1227914349425123329?s=20
11.
They're gonna try and make Harold Shipman Health Minister, aren't they? #Reshuffle — Evans (@Mativenko80) February 13, 2020
12.
New cabinet has now been announced in full. Boris Johnson keeps job at Department for Tea-making. Classic Dom.#reshuffle pic.twitter.com/M0XPeAxoV9 — Rob (@RobW1_) February 13, 2020
13.
The current state of British politics can be summed up in one sentence:- Liz Truss is now the longest serving cabinet minister.#reshuffle — James Melville (@JamesMelville) February 13, 2020
In summary, this …
Credit where credit’s due, this government made it a full two months without descending into chaotic infighting. — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) February 13, 2020
READ MORE
Sajid Javid quit the government in Boris Johnson’s reshuffle – only 6 responses you need


thepoke--2020-02-13--Sajid Javid quit the government in Boris Johnson’s reshuffle – only 6 responses you need

The biggest news to come out of Boris Johnson ’ s Cabinet reshuffle was the shock resignation of chancellor for @ @ @ @ @ , who quit after he was told by the so-called PM to sack all his @ @ @ @ @ our favourite 6 things people said about it .
There was also this , from @ @ @ @ @ Oh , and this .
Jeremy Corbyn just trolled Boris Johnson by asking if he @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s brutal

Twitter
The biggest news to come out of Boris Johnson’s Cabinet reshuffle was the shock resignation of chancellor for about 15 minutes Sajid Javid, who quit after he was told by the so-called PM to sack all his advisors.
BREAK: Sajid Javid has resigned. A budget is due in less than a month. He becomes the shortest serving Chancellor since Iain Macleod (who died in office). This reshuffle just got a lot more interesting. — Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) February 13, 2020
And here are our favourite 6 things people said about it.
1.
So. Farewell then
Sajid Javid
You liked to tell us
You were the son of a bus driver
Now Cummings has thrown you under a bus
Which is ironic
Frankly. Apols to EJ Thribb (17) — Kevin Brennan MP (@KevinBrennanMP) February 13, 2020
2.
3.
Boris Johnson: Someone so dreadful you end up feeling admiration for Sajid Javid. — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) February 13, 2020
4.
Comprehensive list of Sajid Javid’s achievements as Chancellor: –
–
–
–
–
– unveiled a 50p coin
–
–
– — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) February 13, 2020
5.
https://twitter.com/davemacladd/status/1227930191458074624?s=20
6.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1227942705440972800?s=20
There was also this, from Labour MP Yvette Cooper.
Respect. Also, Sajid Javid was the only Tory MP who contacted me directly on Friday to express support & solidarity when a Tory activist was sentenced for violent threats against me https://t.co/Cw9LbgLjqK — Yvette Cooper (@YvetteCooperMP) February 13, 2020
Oh, and this.
Fair play to Sajid Javid for having some self-worth — John Crace (@JohnJCrace) February 13, 2020
READ MORE
Jeremy Corbyn just trolled Boris Johnson by asking if he’d deport himself and it’s brutal


thepoke--2020-02-13--The way this plane takes off is totally unexpected

In today ’ s instalment of ‘ well , I really did not expect that ’ comes this plane and @ @ @ @ @ .
Wait for it , wait for it … ‘ We ’ re runnin out @ @ @ @ @ turbo boost KITT !
’ N6-MAA10816 ‘ Is it supposed to put the tail on @ @ @ @ @ I saw this at an air show .
It ’ s so they can take @ @ @ @ @ You wouldn ’ t believe the noise that thing makes.
’ casewood123 This video of @ @ @ @ @ crosswinds at Bristol airport is just extraordinary stuff

Pics
In today’s instalment of ‘well, I really did not expect that’ comes this plane and the way it takes off. Wait for it, wait for it …
Boom!
‘We’re runnin out of runway – hit the turbo boost KITT!’ N6-MAA10816 ‘JATO. Jet Assisted Take Off.’ 4pope2on0dope ‘Is it supposed to put the tail on fire?’ LinkUnseen ‘I thought the plane blew up.’ 14381 ‘I saw this at an air show. It’s so they can take off on shorter runways. You wouldn’t believe the noise that thing makes.’ casewood123
READ MORE
This video of a plane landing in high crosswinds at Bristol airport is just extraordinary stuff
Source Reddit u/Pablo_Fablo


thepoke--2020-02-13--This cat thinking long and hard about hitting this dog is 36 seconds very well spent

This cat contemplating whether or not to hit the dog sitting next to it on the sofa is a very @ @ @ @ @ the look on the dogs face it deals with this shit a lot.
’ StreetSmartsGaming @ @ @ @ @ in the act and the payoff is just perfect comic timing

Videos
This cat contemplating whether or not to hit the dog sitting next to it on the sofa is a very funny watch.
Pretty much perfection.
‘From the look on the dogs face it deals with this shit a lot.’ StreetSmartsGaming
READ MORE
This good dog was caught in the act and the payoff is just perfect comic timing
Source Reddit u/brittinea


thepoke--2020-02-13--This furious 1-star movie review had people laughing and shaking their heads in equal measure

From the Amazon Movie Reviews thread on Twitter comes this one-star review of The Lighthouse , a critically-acclaimed new movie @ @ @ @ @ Pattinson of which the Guardian said : ‘ Think Steptoe and Son at sea and @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s probably not for everyone and it ’ s certainly not for this @ @ @ @ @ say about it .
And these 3 responses pretty much sum it up .

Pics
From the Amazon Movie Reviews thread on Twitter comes this one-star review of The Lighthouse, a critically-acclaimed new movie starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson of which the Guardian said: ‘Think Steptoe and Son at sea and in hell.’
Anyway, it’s probably not for everyone and it’s certainly not for this person who had this to say about it.
And these 3 responses pretty much sum it up.
It took 10 minutes to “understand” that a film was in black and white lol — Conor Nolan (罗勇仁) (@RealConorNolan) February 12, 2020
imagine skipping one of the best movies of the year because there’s no colour — 🅱OI (@dmcf64) February 12, 2020
1 minute. 2 minutes. 3 minutes. 4 minutes. 5 full minutes. 6 minutes. 7 minutes. 8 minutes. 9 (NINE) minutes. Ten mi-… hang on a second. https://t.co/OBFlQoNkbu — Neil Gibbons (@neilgibbons) February 12, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 27 very funny movie reviews from Amazon
Source Twitter @AmznMovieRevws


thepoke--2020-02-13--This story of a man angry about teabags is Brexit in 4 parts

Enjoying these four screen grabs about a man angry about where tea is grown .
1 .
The story starts @ @ @ @ @ a man who thinks Yorkshire tea is grown in yorkshire 2 .
She points out @ @ @ @ @ t grown in Yorkshire and our new friend doesn ’ t believe it 3 .
@ @ @ @ @ higher authority of Yorkshire Tea themselves 4 .
And now our gammony friend is trying @ @ @ @ @ .
Man .
Everyone needs to chill out and have a nice up of tea @ @ @ @ @ .
How to make a lovely cup of tea

Pics
Enjoying these four screen grabs about a man angry about where tea is grown.
1. The story starts with our hero Rita noticing a man who thinks Yorkshire tea is grown in yorkshire
2. She points out the Yorkshire tea isn’t grown in Yorkshire and our new friend doesn’t believe it
3. So she appeals to the higher authority of Yorkshire Tea themselves
4. And now our gammony friend is trying to boycott tea. FFS.
Man. Everyone needs to chill out and have a nice up of tea wherever it’s grown.
READ MORE
How to make a lovely cup of tea


thepoke--2020-02-14--A Brexiteer’s moan about a long queue at an EU airport went viral because it’s the ultimate self-own

A Brexiteer called Colin found himself going viral on Twitter today for reasons he may not have expected ( assuming @ @ @ @ @ parody , which would be a much kinder explanation ) .
Colin Browning wasn ’ @ @ @ @ @ queues at Amsterdam ’ s Schiphol airport and had this to say about it .
@ @ @ @ @ as one of the 17.4 million people who voted for Brexit , said he had @ @ @ @ @ hour before his passport was checked .
When someone else on Twitter suggested he got @ @ @ @ @ , he replied : “ I didn ’ t vote to stand in a queue @ @ @ @ @ [ sic ] some jobsworth checks our passports .
I spent more time at immigration @ @ @ @ @ air getting to my destination.
” And here are our favourite things people had to @ @ @ @ @ presenter James O ’ Brien said it wasn ’ t Colin people should be going @ @ @ @ @ a man angry about teabags is Brexit in 4 parts

Twitter
A Brexiteer called Colin found himself going viral on Twitter today for reasons he may not have expected (assuming it’s not a parody, which would explain everything).
Colin Browning wasn’t happy with the long queues at Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport and had this to say about it.
Colin, who describes himself as one of the 17.4 million people who voted for Brexit, said he had to wait for nearly an hour before his passport was checked.
When someone else on Twitter suggested he got exactly what he voted for, Colin wasn’t having any of it.
You've got what you voted for, enjoy! — Adrian 🇪🇺 Always European (@Awookster) February 13, 2020
I didn’t vote to stand in a queue for over an hour why some jobsworth checks our passports. I spent more time at immigration than I did in the air getting to my destination. — Colin Browning (@ColinBrowning14) February 13, 2020
And here are our favourite things people had to say about it.
An absolute classic of the “people who wanted out of the EU losing their shit about the consequences of leaving the EU” genre. Just perfect. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 14, 2020
Passports are red,
Passports are blue.
You’ve fucked this up Colin,
Get used to the queue. — Not🚩THAT🚩Jane🌹 🏴 (@THAT_Jane) February 14, 2020
Oh god please tell me this is a parody and you’re not actually this dumb. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) February 14, 2020
Maybe you should just believe in Brexit more. — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) February 14, 2020
Oh Colin — Seb Dance 🌹🇪🇺 (@SebDance) February 14, 2020
I admit there were a lot of things you couldn’t possibly have known before the referendum, but this isn’t one of them. This we knew. And compared to what’s coming, this is just a minor inconvenience. — Agnes (@agnessjonsson) February 14, 2020
I didn’t think leaving the EU would mean we’d be out of the EU this is bullshit — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 14, 2020
LBC presenter James O’Brien said it wasn’t Colin people should be going after …
People who voted for Brexit because they are angry & confused about everything were always going to end up angry & confused about Brexit. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) February 14, 2020
James O’Brien has a message for Remainers ridiculing Brexiter Colin over his social media post: “Go after the people who fooled them, not the people who got fooled.”@mrjamesob | #Colin | #Brexithttps://t.co/Zk1XxHuo5j — LBC (@LBC) February 14, 2020
READ MORE
This story of a man angry about teabags is Brexit in 4 parts


thepoke--2020-02-14--Customer complaint of the week

Customer complaint of the week

Simply 23 outrageous and very funny lies that people once got away with

Twitter
Customer complaint of the week (not this week – any week).
READ MORE
This spoof customer care account brilliantly trolls people who complain on Twitter
Source Twitter @_youhadonejob1


thepoke--2020-02-14--Simply 23 outrageous and very funny lies that people once got away with

Here ’ s a thread of beauty which was begun by the great @ mooseallain a little while back when @ @ @ @ @ it got people sharing the outrageous and very funny lies that they once convinced people @ @ @ @ @ a joy it is too .
The thread got going again just recently … … @ @ @ @ @ favourites .

Twitter
Here’s a thread of beauty which was begun by the great @MooseAllain a little while back when he said this.
I once managed to convince a friend that Dutch cars don't have handbrakes. — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 22, 2017
And it got people sharing the outrageous and very funny lies that they once convinced people were true, and what a joy it is too.
The thread got going again just recently …
Not sure why this thread has reappeared recently but there are some very funny replies if you want to kill some time at work today. — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 10, 2020
… so here are our 23 favourites.
1.
Dad’s pal got contact lenses. When someone commented that he was driving without his glasses, he claimed he’d got a prescription windscreen — Rick Rowling (@rickrowling) April 22, 2017
2.
I convinced a friend that plaice comes out of the sea all round and bulbous like a puffer fish, and the fishermen have special paddles that they use to immediately flatten it down for ease of transport. — Tony Conway (@tonypconway) August 5, 2018
3.
We convinced a visiting American student that you need a visa to get into Wales; when we drove there for a rugby match, we hid him in the boot — Bear Bad Man (@Bear_Bad_Man_) August 5, 2018
4.
Convinced our kids colours were not invented until 1939 and showed them black & white films to prove it including The Wizard of Oz to show the moment colour became real. — ★ Unklerupert (@unklerupert) August 5, 2018
5.
At university one of my friends convinced another – an English Literature student – that William Shakespeare’s middle name was Colin — Kirsty Rolfe (@avoiding_bears) April 22, 2017
6.
Managed to convince one of my flat mates that ‘rumble strips’ on roads were for the benefit of blind drivers. — David Goodsell (@dgoodsell1) August 5, 2018
7.
My Dad told me the pages on Teletext were called “texticles”. A ‘fact’ I repeated to a teacher at school. — Jake Archibald (@jaffathecake) April 23, 2017
8.
My friends and I managed to convince a visiting American student that Ireland didn’t have Wednesdays. — melissa mannion (@lostinskylines) April 22, 2017
9.
Convinced a fair few people that Mars Bars have more sugar, PER GRAM, than sugar does — HRH Prince Pessimus Prime Duke of Everything (@BigJDubz) August 5, 2018
10.
I convinced my daughter that this tree in a local park was a rare giant bonsai. pic.twitter.com/An7uoETbky — Oonagh (@Okeating) April 23, 2017
11.
We once told my mate that Starbucks was owned by Jimmy Tarbuck — Harry Myers (@PeasOneDay) April 23, 2017
12.


thepoke--2020-02-14--25 favourite funny things from the week

25 favourite funny things from the week

It ’ s been a brutal week in one way or another .
Storm Ciara brought chaos to the UK @ @ @ @ @ carried on growing , and the cabinet reshuffle swept a new broom through the careers @ @ @ @ @ As all that happened , Twitter ’ s funny people kept putting the smiles back @ @ @ @ @ we ’ ve gathered our favourite offerings .

Twitter
It’s been a brutal week in one way or another. Storm Ciara brought chaos to the UK and Ireland, the coronavirus carried on growing, and the cabinet reshuffle swept a new broom through the careers of several bemused MPs.
As all that happened, Twitter’s funny people kept putting the smiles back on our faces, and we’ve gathered our favourite offerings.
1.
My kids just begged me to play Fortnite with them. I said yes and they cheered and I actually felt a bit emotional. Just now I heard them talking amongst themselves about how funny it’s going to be having someone as shit as me involved. — Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) February 9, 2020
2.
Justin Bieber looks like the guy who only spins the lassies really fast on the waltzers pic.twitter.com/2UcH1oq9OQ — joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 12, 2020
3.
Nurse just called out “Muhammad Ali” which gives you some idea of how long we’ve been waiting. — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) February 10, 2020
4.
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon. I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it. — Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) February 9, 2020
5.
No matter how old you get, you still have to work out siblings' ages by adding or subtracting from your own — Holly Brockwell (@holly) February 12, 2020
6.
I prefer the term busy professional, thank you. pic.twitter.com/mGTVBIhKlk — Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 12, 2020
7.
I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got really annoyed when everyone else started using it. — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) February 11, 2020
8.
Reveal your age by telling me how old you are. — Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) February 12, 2020
9.
FUN GAME: When someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say “Like the murderer?!” — Nope, It's Gone (@Joust_A_Minute) February 7, 2020
10.
My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away — That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020
11.
good news: I'm in the best shape of my life since becoming a professional boxer
bad news: I'm dying of dehydration because I can't drink water without spitting it out — Sarah Archer (@SarahArcherM) February 8, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-14--‘My favourite song on harmonica’

‘My favourite song on harmonica’

‘ My favourite song on harmonica , ’ says Daisy_Dottie and we ’ re not sure there ’ s much @ @ @ @ @ .
Partly because we don ’ t have a clue what the hell is going @ @ @ @ @ estate agency listing is like a terrible 80s music video

Videos
‘My favourite song on harmonica,’ says Daisy_Dottie and we’re not sure there’s much we can add to that. Partly because we don’t have a clue what the hell is going on.
Funny though.
‘Putting the harm in harmonica.’ bananasareslippery
READ MORE
This hilarious Australian estate agency listing is like a terrible 80s music video
Source Reddit u/Daisy_Dottie


thepoke--2020-02-14--‘An epic battle between my twins’ is a very good value 3 seconds

‘ An epic battle between my twins , ’ says Mofomania over on Reddit and it would spoilt it to @ @ @ @ @ It looks like one kid just walked straight into a mirror.
’ Paul–Bufano ‘ I @ @ @ @ @ couple times just to make sure.
’ mclaughlin477 ‘ Makes sense that they are equally @ @ @ @ @ adds special effects to home videos to make his kids into action heroes

Videos
‘An epic battle between my twins,’ says Mofomania over on Reddit and it would spoilt it to say anything more.
Boom!
‘It looks like one kid just walked straight into a mirror.’ Paul–Bufano ‘I had to watch it a couple times just to make sure.’ mclaughlin477 ‘Makes sense that they are equally matched.’ jdeputy
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This dad adds special effects to home videos to make his kids into action heroes
Source Reddit u/Mofomania


thepoke--2020-02-14--Donald Trump Jr. got thoroughly schooled on his father’s overt racism

As people watch the Democratic caucuses to see who might emerge as a natural candidate to oppose Donald Trump at @ @ @ @ @ businessman Mike bloomberg has been on a back burner .
Despite the face that he @ @ @ @ @ top yet , it ’ s clear that Trump is very intimidated , and has @ @ @ @ @ .
His reference to the black community is the upshot of a leaked recording of @ @ @ @ @ and search policy in the African-American communities .
Donald Trump Jr. took the opportunity to @ @ @ @ @ definitely won ’ t argue that it ’ s not racist , but we can @ @ @ @ @ there ’ s more than a bit of this going on .
Senior adviser to @ @ @ @ @ , Tim O ’ Brien , stepped in to point out the problem with mini-Trump @ @ @ @ @ following 20 tweets will leave you needing mind-bleach .

Twitter
As people watch the Democratic caucuses to see who might emerge as a natural candidate to oppose Donald Trump at the next election, billionaire businessman Mike bloomberg has been on a back burner.
Despite the face that he hasn’t come out top yet, it’s clear that Trump is very intimidated, and has been making comments like this.
Mini Mike Bloomberg is a LOSER who has money but can’t debate and has zero presence, you will see. He reminds me of a tiny version of Jeb “Low Energy” Bush, but Jeb has more political skill and has treated the Black community much better than Mini! https://t.co/qIef5VhjDr — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 13, 2020
His reference to the black community is the upshot of a leaked recording of Bloomberg talking about the stop and search policy in the African-American communities.
Donald Trump Jr. took the opportunity to share the recording.
Omg! Leaked audio of Mike Bloomberg talking about the high crime rates among urban minorities. “And the way to get the guns out of the kids hands is to throw them up against the wall and frisk them” #BloombergIsARacist pic.twitter.com/MkONUhQQpX — Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) February 11, 2020
We definitely won’t argue that it’s not racist, but we can’t help noticing that there’s more than a bit of this going on.
via GIPHY
Senior adviser to Mike Bloomberg’s campaign, Tim O’Brien, stepped in to point out the problem with mini-Trump’s post.
The following 20 tweets will leave you needing mind-bleach.
1.
1/x: Omg! Your father is the most overt and flagrantly hateful racist and bigot of the modern presidency and nothing – absolutely nothing – in Mike Bloomberg’s background puts him in the same category as your dad. But let us count the ways:https://t.co/QdlKVOffGx https://t.co/dzm6DzPKRw — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
2.
2/x: Your dad and his father, Fred, ran a housing business that the Justice Department censured in 1973 for discriminating against prospective tenants of color. — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
3.
3/x: Jack O’Donnell, a senior executive at your dad’s Atlantic City casinos during the 1980s, described him as someone whose “prejudices didn’t stop at the color of one’s skin. Everyone was subject to judgment. It could be their ethnicity, their gender, their religion.’” — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
4.
4/x: O’Donnell also described Trump as picky about who handled his cash back then. “Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
5.
5/x: When he was running his casino business, your dad paid for a series of newspaper and broadcast ads that sought to brand a potential competitor seeking a gambling license — a Native American tribe, the Mohawks — as drug dealers and criminals. — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
6.
6/x: Your mom, Ivana Trump, told her lawyer during your parents divorce that your dad kept a copy of Hitler’s collected speeches by his bedside in Trump Tower. When a reporter questioned your dad about the book in 1990, he balked and then said it was a gift. — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
7.
7/x: Your dad embraced birtherism in 2011 and falsely asserted that President Barack Obama was born overseas and had forged his birth certificate. — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
8.
8/x: While the Trump University lawsuit was being litigated, your dad publicly claimed one of the judges hearing the case, Gonzalo Curiel, was biased because of his Mexican heritage. Curiel was born in the U.S. — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) February 11, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-02-14--‘The Arabian sand boa strongly resembles a small child’s best effort at drawing a snake’

The Arabian sand boa never fails to amuse me , as it strongly resembles a small child ’ s best @ @ @ @ @ , ’ says GallowBoob over on Reddit .
And just in case you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ eyes on the top allows the snake to bury itself into sand and see what @ @ @ @ @ its head .
It ’ s a good way to protect itself from heat.
’ @ @ @ @ @ brother a joke question about a snake and got the answer she deserved

Pics
The Arabian sand boa never fails to amuse me, as it strongly resembles a small child’s best effort at drawing a snake,’ says GallowBoob over on Reddit.
And just in case you’re wondering why.
‘The eyes on the top allows the snake to bury itself into sand and see what’s around without showing its head. It’s a good way to protect itself from heat.’ KingKohishi
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A woman asked her brother a joke question about a snake and got the answer she deserved
Source Reddit u/GallowBoob


thepoke--2020-02-14--This guy wanted a coursemate to return a library book he needed and his fury is off the scale

In the first of an occasional new series , arsehole of the week is this guy who really needed a book from the library only to find out that someone else had borrowed it .
And his text efforts to get his mitts on the thing started out pretty rude and ended up plain outrageous .
Coursemate wants me to return a book I ’ m using , ’ wrote throw_away1241 who shared the exchange Reddit .
And just a few of the comments it prompted .
‘ TBH you seem to be a very patient person i would ve @ @ @ @ @ @ @ self , crash and burn 3 messages in.
’ yash_chem ‘ The fact that he immediately jumped to “ rape ” is creepy as fuck.
’ Strictlyforbargain85 ‘ Firstly : as someone who has just finished a dissertation and handed in last Friday let me say good luck !
It ’ s hard work but feels so amazing when you get to the finish line !
‘ Second : he ’ s a prat .
Definitely show this to the professor who recommended he reach out to you .
She should know what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about rape was a little weird .
Like why would that be the first thought he had ?
Something very off with him and you clearly made right decision to only meet in public.
’ crookshanks9lives A so-called friend asked to borrow a bride ’ s dress for the hen party and it didn ’ t end well

Pics
In the first of an occasional new series, arsehole of the week is this guy who really needed a book from the library only to find out that someone else had borrowed it.
And his text efforts to get his mitts on the thing started out pretty rude and ended up plain outrageous.
Coursemate wants me to return a book I’m using,’ wrote throw_away1241 who shared the exchange Reddit.
And just a few of the comments it prompted.
‘TBH you seem to be a very patient person i would ve told that guy to go fuck him self, crash and burn 3 messages in.’ yash_chem ‘The fact that he immediately jumped to “rape” is creepy as fuck.’ Strictlyforbargain85 ‘Firstly: as someone who has just finished a dissertation and handed in last Friday let me say good luck! It’s hard work but feels so amazing when you get to the finish line! ‘Second: he’s a prat. Definitely show this to the professor who recommended he reach out to you. She should know what a dickhead he is. The comment about rape was a little weird. Like why would that be the first thought he had? Something very off with him and you clearly made right decision to only meet in public.’ crookshanks9lives
READ MORE
A so-called friend asked to borrow a bride’s dress for the hen party and it didn’t end well
Source Reddit u/throw_away1241 Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-14--“When the screen reflection does you dirty”

TikToker Noelle Marie was minding her own business watching something on her laptop when she spotted her reflection .
Her @ @ @ @ @ so very relatable .
She ’ s clearly a great sport for sharing that , @ @ @ @ @ the only ones who appreciated it .
@ brookeranae13 had this to say .
Same @ @ @ @ @ here .
If you have TikTok , head on over and give Noelle a follow @ @ @ @ @ silverback attack ?
Check out the zoo visitors ’ reflections in the glass

Videos
TikToker Noelle Marie was minding her own business watching something on her laptop when she spotted her reflection. Her reaction is priceless and oh so very relatable.
She’s clearly a great sport for sharing that, and we weren’t the only ones who appreciated it.
@brookeranae13 had this to say.
Same here, Brooke. Same here.
If you have TikTok, head on over and give Noelle a follow.
READ MORE
How terrifying is this silverback attack? Check out the zoo visitors’ reflections in the glass
Source TikTok Image TikTok