thepoke--2020-01-22--Simply 17 lovely tributes to Terry Jones, the Monty Python star who has died aged 77

Very sad news today that Monty Python star Terry Jones has died aged 77 .
Jones directed three of Python @ @ @ @ @ did a huge amount of other work including the brilliant Ripping Yarns ( with Michael @ @ @ @ @ such as Erik the Viking , writing children ’ s books and presenting TV documentaries @ @ @ @ @ frontotemporal dementia in 2015 and became a public face of the illness .
Here ’ @ @ @ @ @ his great friend and colleague .
“ He was far more than one of the @ @ @ @ @ , he was the complete Renaissance comedian – writer , director , presenter , historian @ @ @ @ @ author , and the warmest , most wonderful company you could wish to have.
” @ @ @ @ @ few of the many , many tributes being paid on Twitter today .
As people @ @ @ @ @ letter outlining the censor ’ s suggested cuts to Holy Grail is a very funny @

Twitter
Very sad news today that Monty Python star Terry Jones has died aged 77.
Jones directed three of Python’s acclaimed films and did a huge amount of other work including the brilliant Ripping Yarns (with Michael Palin), directing movies such as Erik the Viking, writing children’s books and presenting TV documentaries.
He was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2015 and became a public face of the illness. Here’s what Palin said about his great friend and colleague.
“He was far more than one of the funniest writer-performers of his generation, he was the complete Renaissance comedian – writer, director, presenter, historian, brilliant children’s author, and the warmest, most wonderful company you could wish to have.”
And here are just a few of the many, many tributes being paid on Twitter today.
1.
https://twitter.com/simonpegg/status/1219971220801753089?s=20
2.
So sad to hear about Terry Jones. Much of modern comedy has been informed by Monty Python. In the Life of Brian, they not only pushed the proverbial boundaries, but, IMO, Terry Jones delivered one of THE very best lines in comedy pic.twitter.com/ZEduWRMcZJ — TheFastShow (@TheFastShow1) January 22, 2020
3.
Farewell, Terry Jones. The great foot has come down to stamp on you. My god what pleasure you gave, what untrammelled joy and delight. What a wonderful talent, heart and mind — Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) January 22, 2020
4.
A very fond farewell to Terry Jones: Not only 1/6 of the Pythons, Mr Creosote, Arthur Two Sheds Jackson, Dino Vercotti, Mandy Cohen, Prince Herbert, Cardinal Biggles & the Nude Organist, but also esteemed director of all time comedy classic; 'Life Of Brian'. He will be missed. pic.twitter.com/PeBDlvGfsD — edgarwright (@edgarwright) January 22, 2020
5.
It's a throwaway gag, but just the perfect line delivery from Terry Jones. Maybe my favourite joke in Holy Grail. pic.twitter.com/qxY2dITKdS — John Nugent (@mr_nugent) January 22, 2020
6.
Farewell to the great Terry Jones. His influence was more than wafer thin. pic.twitter.com/sUAMVfvg2P — Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 22, 2020
7.
“You’re a very stupid boy, Tomkinson.” From Terry Jones and Michael Palin’s Ripping Yarns. pic.twitter.com/PL9GOIUSI9 — katie (@pipterino) January 22, 2020
8.
Goodbye and thank you for all the silliness Mr Jones pic.twitter.com/PI81R9V9pv — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) January 22, 2020
9.
Terry Jones walking into heaven like pic.twitter.com/8L2unYmdBz — Wolverine Filled Moat Enthusiast (@rewegreatyet) January 22, 2020
10.
11.
RIP Terry Jones – my grandmother’s favourite Python, director of Life Of Brian, contributor to Labyrinth and reputedly a delightful sexy beast. There is no-one left to sell Spam, or receive the nudge, nudge, wink-winks. Say no more. 🙁 — Mr John Robertson #thedarkroom (@Robbotron) January 22, 2020
12.
https://twitter.com/RufusHound/status/1219975024603471873?s=20
13.
We're very sorry to hear the sad news that Monty Python star Terry Jones passed away today aged 77. Terry had been living with dementia since 2015 and we fondly remember his support at our Memory Walks. Our thoughts go out to his friends and family. https://t.co/HI3wJW1LY3 — Alzheimer's Society (@alzheimerssoc) January 22, 2020
14.
Lovely Terry Jones, the heart of Python. Ripping Yarns remains so gloriously funny, and Bert Fegg's Nasty Book For Boys & Girls made me laugh like a small fool when I was eight. Very sad to see him go. — Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) January 22, 2020
15.
Terry Jones perhaps got less recognition than the other Pythons, who were stronger as performers – but he was the one who pulled the show together conceptually. All that distinctive Python stuff, linking the sketches, the meta gags – that was him. He had the vision, the ambition. — Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) January 22, 2020
16.
And now for something completely depressing. pic.twitter.com/4HTSYZEjud — barney farmer (@barneyfarmer) January 22, 2020
17.
I grew up watching Monty Python. I wouldn't be funny if it weren't for Monty Python, and I'm not even very funny so just imagine how much more annoying this could have all turned out. Terry Jones made something that teaches you how to be funny. Show Monty Python to your kids. — Comment Etiquette (@commentiquette) January 22, 2020
RIP Terry Jones.
READ MORE
As people remember Terry Jones, this letter outlining the censor’s suggested cuts to Holy Grail is a very funny read


thepoke--2020-01-24--The Daily Mail’s giving away a ‘Kate’s Cuties’ calendar – only 5 responses you need

To the Daily Mail , which is proud to be giving away a ‘ Kate ’ s cuties ’ calendar @ @ @ @ @ s right , a calendar full of pictures of the children of the Duke and @ @ @ @ @ weird about that at all .
Here are the only 5 responses you need .
@ @ @ @ @ Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan , make it this one

Pics
To the Daily Mail, which is proud to be giving away a ‘Kate’s Cuties’ calendar this weekend. That’s right, a calendar full of pictures of the children of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
Nothing weird about that at all. Here are the only 5 responses you need.
1.
Here’s a calendar starting in February featuring photos of children you’ve never met. If you want a copy of this you should re-evaluate some stuff. https://t.co/kYSNlZd8Z7 — Bella Mackie (@bellamackie) January 23, 2020
2.
I haven’t really been following but am I right in thinking there are some people who have decided to leave this family in which pictures of your children get made into a calendar for other people? How weird. https://t.co/lXzbeoTvXa — Tom Peck (@tompeck) January 24, 2020
3.
“Aw that’s a nice calendar! How old are they?”
“Thank you! 6 and 4”
“I bet they’re a handful!”
“Oh no, they’re not mine. I have a calendar on my wall of someone else’s kids. I literally start every month with a fresh new candid snap of these wealthy children I admire from afar” https://t.co/aD0Mwqnt6D — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) January 24, 2020
4.
No wonder Harry and Meghan wanted to GTFO https://t.co/hhvJUbVibg — Alfred Joyner (@alfredjoyner) January 24, 2020
5.
Praying they don’t launch a Prince Andrew version — Lucy Ward (@lucymirandaward) January 23, 2020
Oh, and this.
it's nearly February, for a start https://t.co/yHuEeh734K — Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) January 24, 2020
READ MORE
If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan, make it this one
Source @clairecohen


thepoke--2020-01-24--People love Chris Packham after he took time out to respond to this unlikely confession

You might know by now the rather wonderful @ fesshole on Twitter which allows you to confess your sins anonymously @ @ @ @ @ will absolve you .
We mention it because it prompted this rather marvellous confession by @ @ @ @ @ worked in a call centre and did this to Chris Packham .
And as is @ @ @ @ @ story , there was doubtless a large proportion of the people who read it who @ @ @ @ @ true .
So someone did this , on the off chance that the great man @ @ @ @ @ reply .
And to prove the benefit of tagging people into tweets even when it @ @ @ @ @ positive story about them , this happened .
And people loved him even more than @ @ @ @ @ Packham watched Alien : Covenant and started to pick holes in the plot

Twitter
You might know by now the rather wonderful @fesshole on Twitter which allows you to confess your sins anonymously and see if the internet will absolve you.
We mention it because it prompted this brilliant confession by someone who said they once worked in a call centre and did this to Chris Packham.
I worked in a call centre and had a call one day from Chris Packham. I wrote down his address and while backpacking around the world sent him postcards saying "Help, I'm trapped in a postcard factory" — Fesshole (@fesshole) January 23, 2020
And as is often the case with this sort of story, there was doubtless a large proportion of the people who read it who presumed it wasn’t true.
So someone did this, on the off chance that the great man would take the time to reply.
And to prove the benefit of tagging people into tweets even when it’s not necessarily a positive story about them, this happened.
I can confirm this is indeed true ! pic.twitter.com/bgK87DAXIP — Chris Packham (@ChrisGPackham) January 23, 2020
And people loved him even more than they already did.
YES WE HAVE A WINNER — Adrian Murphy (@adrianpmurphy) January 23, 2020
Top man Mr Packham 👍 — Danny Murphy (@Dannybhoi_86) January 23, 2020
Brilliant, maybe now everyone will stop posting "didn't happen" to everything. — Internet Pedant (@internetpedant) January 23, 2020
Fess hole has peaked — bibbily boy (@corkintheocean) January 23, 2020
Follow @fesshole on Twitter here.
Amazing, what a brilliant sport Chris Packham is about this @fesshole fun pic.twitter.com/gQ1IVHgn2P — Rob Manuel – Follow @fesshole NOW! (@robmanuel) January 23, 2020
READ MORE
Chris Packham watched Alien: Covenant and started to pick holes in the plot
Source @fesshole H/T @robmanuel


thepoke--2020-01-24--Our 25 favourite funny things from the last week

We weren ’ t sure whether to bother gathering jokes this week after seeing Boris Johnson try to describe his @ @ @ @ @ during his live Q & A , because we weren ’ t sure we ’ @ @ @ @ @ it for laughs .
We did gather some , though , and we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ 25 funny things are considerably more entertaining than Johnson ’ s blathering – or lathering @

Twitter
We weren’t sure whether to bother gathering jokes this week after seeing Boris Johnson try to describe his shampoo to the gripped public during his live Q&A, because we weren’t sure we’d find anything to rival it for laughs.
We did gather some, though, and we’re happy to announce that these 25 funny things are considerably more entertaining than Johnson’s blathering – or lathering.
1.
My mum's staying over again.
She got up about half 9, walked through to the livingroom & I said
"Oh, is the bed on fire?"
Felt amazing — joe heenan (@joeheenan) January 19, 2020
2.
kid, when life gets you down you got three choices pic.twitter.com/AlVUVqhaS3 — Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) January 18, 2020
3.
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum Tony the Tiger: they're fine — Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
4.
me: sure could use a nap brain: that sounds great me: let's do it brain: we are go for nap me: *dozing off* brain: lol wouldn't it be cute if dinosaur balls were called t-rexticles me: GODDAMMIT yes that would be very fucking cute — The Girl Who Came to Stay (@Mom_Overboard) January 18, 2020
5.
mental how someone out there has eaten the most crisps in the world and they dont even know about their achievement — Çåłłüm 🏴 (@callumkchadwick) January 18, 2020
6.
rip u wiv da anglers now xxxxx pic.twitter.com/ZvFpMFuT1j — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 20, 2020
7.
Funny how the UFO sightings have reduced drastically after Cell phone cameras became better. — karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) January 19, 2020
8.
cat: *rolls over on back* pet my belly me: no i know this is a trap cat: me: cat: me: fine *goes to pet belly* cat: *claws & bites my hand* hahah have some scratches, as a treat you stupid idiot — Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 20, 2020
9.
WIFE: you’ll be ok?
ME: please don’t worry
WIFE: ok I'll be back in 2 days
ME: have fun! [few minutes later]
WIFE: I forgot my ke—OHMYGOD [I’m topless and holding a conch. the coffee table is ablaze. the kids feast on the dog's remains] — Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) January 20, 2020
10.
Brain: Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Mouth: WAN pic.twitter.com/9w3OfwhthG — Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) January 20, 2020
11.
At my funeral I want the priest to read out a long bit about how much I loved darts. I don’t love darts but my family and friends will be like “wow we never really knew him”. — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) January 22, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-01-24--Richard Harris’s story of his revenge on an anti-Irish actor is a comic delight

The great Irish actor Richard Harris had a long and distinguished career on stage and screen , right up to @ @ @ @ @ .
The younger generation will probably always think of him only as the original Professor @ @ @ @ @ films .
He was never the kind of person to take shit from anyone , @ @ @ @ @ with Johnny Carson back in 1992 shows just how he dealt with an actor who @ @ @ @ @ Irish .
Despite our better efforts , we haven ’ t been able to find @ @ @ @ @ was , and Laurence Fox wasn ’ t born then so it can ’ t @ @ @ @ @ user @ molloy1916 shared the clip on Twitter , where it ’ s been viewed @ @ @ @ @ less than two days .
The clip reminded someone named Stiofán O ’ Dalaigh of @ @ @ @

Pics
The great Irish actor Richard Harris had a long and distinguished career on stage and screen, right up to his untimely death in 2002. The younger generation will probably always think of him only as the original Professor Dumbledore from the Harry Potter films.
He was never the kind of person to take shit from anyone, and this interview on Tonight with Johnny Carson back in 1992 shows just how he dealt with an actor who was clearly racist against the Irish.
Despite our better efforts, we haven’t been able to find out who the English actor was, and Laurence Fox wasn’t born then so it can’t have been him.
Twitter user @molloy1916 shared the clip on Twitter, where it’s been viewed well over 80,000 times in less than two days.
When an Irishman put an Englishman in his place! pic.twitter.com/CvFhA9URlp — Danny Morrison (@molloy1916) January 22, 2020
The clip reminded someone named Stiofán O’Dalaigh of another Harris anecdote.
He and Peter O’Toole are alleged to have been drinking in the Coal Hole on the Strand in London, after too many drinks an ambulance was called for Harris, he was carried out on a stretcher, Harris is supposed to have said to the patrons entering, “it was the food” 😂 — Stiofán O’Dalaigh (@Stephen13772426) 23 January 2020
Irreplaceable.
Source YouTube Image Warner Bros, YouTube


thepoke--2020-01-24--This job description for a live-in nanny and ‘household manager’ went viral because it’s totally bon

This job description for a live-in nanny and ‘household manager’ went viral because it’s totally bonkers

The job description for this ‘ household manager/cook/nanny ’ went wildly viral because it ’ s so detailed , so @ @ @ @ @ words of the person who shared it on Twitter , ‘ bananas bat shit ’ @ @ @ @ @ there can ’ t be any more , it turns out there is .
Lots @ @ @ @ @ know what day it is and where I ’ m posting this but I still @ @ @ @ @ more bananas bat shit than THIS , ’ said @ honeystaysuper on Twitter .
And @ @ @ @ @ there .
Where do we apply ?
And here were just some of the things @ @ @ @ @ .
World ’ s meanest mum tried to pay babysitter with ‘ fun and ice @ @ @ @ @ really kicked off Image Pexels

Twitter
The job description for this ‘household manager/cook/nanny’ went wildly viral because it’s so detailed, so demanding, and in the words of the person who shared it on Twitter, ‘bananas bat shit’.
Just when you think there can’t be any more, it turns out there is. Lots more.
‘Look I know what day it is and where I’m posting this but I still challenge you to find ANYTHING more bananas bat shit than THIS,’ said @honeystaysuper on Twitter. ‘I DARE YOU.’
And it didn’t end there.
Where do we apply?
Look I know this is GOLD but let’s just be clear that male CEOs have been farming out all the duties re: their families SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. I want more female CEOs! Millions of them! All I’m saying is … — Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020
… I both fear and respect her SPECIFICITY and ATTENTION TO DETAIL and ACTION MOVIE-LIKE LIFESTYLE and I would very much like to draft a counter listing asking her to be one of my readers — Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020
Please female CEO / mom of this listing, DM me I want to hang out and learn all about you please. The “has room in their heart to love the kids AND THE MOM” is honesty😭. Can we go to the beach together and can I use your spa bathroom sometime pls — Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020
And here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
1.
quite an accounting of unpaid highly-skilled household labor that a lot of moms do as part of being a mom — Renee (@paix120) January 23, 2020
2.
I have so many questions, but the one I keep coming back to is: what is up with all the fish math? — Stephanie King (@stephstephking) January 23, 2020
3.
this is one of my favorite parts pic.twitter.com/ErtLKSi7ep — Jane 🍳🧺🦵 (@looks_last) January 23, 2020
4.
So, this person has to swim, hike mountains, body surf, plan vacations enthusiastically with points, cook vegan, speak another language, have a degree, throw around random word problems about chicken and fish and let the mom relax on weekends? The pay has to be 6 figures! — BeanFinga (@beanfinga) January 23, 2020
5.
Does not require sleep is clearly missing from the list. — Buckeye Gal in NE (@lynndebo) January 23, 2020
6.
Just reading this like yup i do all this for my family — rabia O’chaudry (@rabiasquared) January 23, 2020
7.
The fish math? Do you do all the fish math? — Suzanne (@suzrunnr68) January 23, 2020
8.
Does not require sleep is clearly missing from the list. — Buckeye Gal in NE (@lynndebo) January 23, 2020
9.
I was absolutely, 100% convinced this was going to end with “This is an unpaid internship.” — Emily Baselt (@emilybaselt) January 23, 2020
READ MORE
World’s meanest mum tried to pay babysitter with ‘fun and ice cream’ and then it really kicked off
Source Twitter @honeystaysuper Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-01-24--These Oscar-nominated movie posters have been changed to tell the truth

The good people of the Shiznit have taken the posters for this year ’ s Oscar-nominated movies and injected them @ @ @ @ @ Or , if you prefer , ‘ If 2020 ’ s Oscar-nominated movie posters told @ @ @ @ @ very clever they are too .
Here ’ s just a flavour of what they @ @ @ @ @ can see them all here ) .
Click here to see them all and it @ @ @ @ @ not the first year they ’ ve done this sort of thing – take a @ @ @ @ @ .
And there ’ s a whole load more movie and telly stuff at The @ @

Pics
The good people of the Shiznit have taken the posters for this year’s Oscar-nominated movies and injected them with a truth serum.
Or, if you prefer, ‘If 2020’s Oscar-nominated movie posters told the truth’.
And very clever they are too. Here’s just a flavour of what they’ve done (you can see them all here).
Click here to see them all and it turns out it’s not the first year they’ve done this sort of thing – take a step back in time here.
And there’s a whole load more movie and telly stuff at The Shiznit.
Source The Shiznit


thepoke--2020-01-24--A woman got ripped for complaining about her ex-husband not folding the laundry he did for her

There ’ s ingratitude everywhere but it ’ s always a particular treat to see the ingrate publicly complaining about @ @ @ @ @ thanking .
On the r/choosingbeggars subreddit , people were bristling at this exposure of the @ @ @ @ @ ex-husband – yes ex-husband – because he didn ’ t fold the laundry he ’ @ @ @ @ @ Here ’ s what she had to say about him .
Now , it seems @ @ @ @ @ wash his own child ’ s laundry when he has the means to do it @ @ @ @ @ what she wrote next that had everyone saying “ WTF ” .
Erm …the clothes @ @ @ @ @ ’ s what good it did .
There was more .
She even questioned why @ @ @ @ @ say “ thank you ” .
The poster , u/idloveacoffeeplease included these totally relatable reactions @ @ @ @ @ Reddit user u/softserve79 had something to add to the thorough dragging she ’ d already @ @

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There’s ingratitude everywhere but it’s always a particular treat to see the ingrate publicly complaining about the person they should be thanking.
On the r/choosingbeggars subreddit, people were bristling at this exposure of the woman who complained about her ex-husband – yes ex-husband – because he didn’t fold the laundry he’d done for her.
Here’s what she had to say about him.
Now, it seems reasonable that a dad should wash his own child’s laundry when he has the means to do it, but it’s what she wrote next that had everyone saying “WTF”.
Erm …the clothes are now clean – that’s what good it did. There was more.
She even questioned why he would expect her to say “thank you”.
The poster, u/idloveacoffeeplease included these totally relatable reactions to Little Miss Ingrate.
Reddit user u/softserve79 had something to add to the thorough dragging she’d already received.
“If your child is getting scabies, I think wrinkled clothes is the least of your worries, lady.”
Source Reddit Image Imgur, danielcgold on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-24--The Express accidentally used a photo of a joke passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph

One of the totems for Brexiters has been the traditional blue passports , which they insisted the UK had been @ @ @ @ @ the EU , but which turned out to be a matter of choice .
The @ @ @ @ @ headline about the introduction of the post-Brexit blue passports , which are to be manufactured @ @ @ @ @ Szydlo spotted something unexpected about the accompanying photo .
If the words “ Your mother @ @ @ @ @ familiar , it ’ s because they come from this : In fact , the @ @ @ @ @ were the ones who ’ d tweeted the image in the first place .
We @ @ @ @ @ have been around to see this hilarious turn of events .
We thought you ’ @ @ @ @ @ people had to say about the apt cock-up .
Perhaps the people who signed this @ @ @ @ @ taking it up as the new motto .
Turns out those blue Brexit passports will @ @ @ @ @ our 13 favourite responses

Pics
One of the totems for Brexiters has been the traditional blue passports, which they insisted the UK had been forced to give up by the EU, but which turned out to be a matter of choice.
The Daily Express posted a triumphant headline about the introduction of the post-Brexit blue passports, which are to be manufactured in France, and Michael Szydlo spotted something unexpected about the accompanying photo.
OMFG I'm pissing myself laughing
LOOK WHAT PHOTO OF THE 'BLUE PASSPORT' THEY USED 🤣 pic.twitter.com/s6Ol6Fekg3 — Michael Szydlo (@MichaelSzydlo) 23 January 2020
It originates from this, one posted somewhere on twitter when the 'blue passports' were first announced pic.twitter.com/OJJw2F0Kk3 — Michael Szydlo (@MichaelSzydlo) 23 January 2020
If the words “Your mother was a hamster.” seem familiar, it’s because they come from this:
In fact, the Monty Python official Twitter account were the ones who’d tweeted the image in the first place.
We only wish Terry Jones could have been around to see this hilarious turn of events.
We thought you’d like to see what people had to say about the apt cock-up.
You know what, I think they should run with it. This SHOULD be the new passport. — David Tully (@CynicalEyebrow) 23 January 2020
I've just renewed my passport and the only thing that would make me happy about it coming back Blue and less useful than my old one, would be if it says Your Mother Was a Hamster. — Esperanza Guiri (@EsperanzaGuiri) 23 January 2020
Mistake or somewhere at the Express there’s a picture Ed intern who’s a Monty Python fan and secret remainer! #YourMotherWasAHamster https://t.co/9GmPqp90Qa — James Smith (@Citizen_Smithy) January 23, 2020
Perhaps the people who signed this petition might be interested in taking it up as the new motto.
READ MORE
Turns out those blue Brexit passports will be made in France – our 13 favourite responses
Source Michael Szydlo Image Daily Express, Monty Python


thepoke--2020-01-24--This lucky passenger had a business class burn for someone sat back in economy

As if people in business class aren ’ t busy enough with all that free booze and food and whatever @ @ @ @ @ up there ( if you ’ ve ever done it , do let us know @ @ @ @ @ found time to do this .
Presumably they do it on every flight and it @ @ @ @ @ of the pre-take off routine .
Nice .
‘ I thought it was going to @ @ @ @ @ , it was just a gaping asshole.
’ podrick_pleasure ‘ Although I ’ d be @ @ @ @ @ be forced to respect it .
Legend.
’ jezb87 This video of a plane landing @ @ @ @ @ airport is just extraordinary stuff

Pics
As if people in business class aren’t busy enough with all that free booze and food and whatever else it is you get up there (if you’ve ever done it, do let us know), one lucky passenger found time to do this.
Presumably they do it on every flight and it’s just become part of the pre-take off routine. Nice.
‘I thought it was going to be something nsfw but no, it was just a gaping asshole.’ podrick_pleasure ‘Although I’d be mad, I’d be forced to respect it. Legend.’ jezb87
READ MORE
This video of a plane landing in high crosswinds at Bristol airport is just extraordinary stuff
Source Reddit u/iluap03


thepoke--2020-01-24--‘Please don’t touch this. Our pigeon likes to sit here’

Well , they can ’ t say they weren ’ t warned .
‘ Please don ’ t touch .
@ @ @ @ @ New Zealand wood pigeon ] likes to sit in this area.
’ But someone did @ @ @ @ @ , you guessed it .
‘ I love the fact the pigeon cocked his head @ @ @ @ @ ?
” ‘ Scrotem-Totem A bird crapped on this reporter ’ s jacket and he @ @ @ @ @ with your mouth open

Videos
Well, they can’t say they weren’t warned.
‘Please don’t touch. One of our kukupa [New Zealand wood pigeon] likes to sit in this area.’
But someone did it anyway and, yep, you guessed it.
‘I love the fact the pigeon cocked his head back like “what bitch?”‘ Scrotem-Totem
READ MORE
A bird crapped on this reporter’s jacket and he learned never to look up with your mouth open
Source Reddit u/chocolat_ice_cream


thepoke--2020-01-24--A bird crapped on this reporter’s jacket and he learned never to look up with your mouth open

A few lessons to be learned here .
First , when reporting under a tree full of birds – a @ @ @ @ @ take an umbrella .
But if you do insist on venturing underneath it without protection @ @ @ @ @ whatever you do , look up .
With your mouth open .
Redditor Arrrdii put @ @ @ @ @ This Sky News reporter had to take evasive action to get out of shot and @ @ @ @

Videos
A few lessons to be learned here. First, when reporting under a tree full of birds – a lot of birds – best take an umbrella.
But if you do insist on venturing underneath it without protection, don’t, whatever you do, look up. With your mouth open.
Redditor Arrrdii put it rather more succinctly.
‘Bird shits in reporters mouth.’
READ MORE
This Sky News reporter had to take evasive action to get out of shot and it’s everything
Source Reddit u/Arrrdii


thepoke--2020-01-24--The Church of England is going on about sex again- our 14 favourite funny comments

As they like to do from time to time , the Church of England has made a pronouncement on what @ @ @ @ @ acceptable in people ’ s sex lives .
Nobody was surprised to learn they still @ @ @ @ @ heterosexual couples only .
You can read all about it here , if you haven @ @ @ @ @ better things to do .
People had plenty of reasons to clap back at the @ @ @ @ @ pretty much cover them .

News
As they like to do from time to time, the Church of England has made a pronouncement on what is and isn’t acceptable in people’s sex lives. Nobody was surprised to learn they still insist sex is for married heterosexual couples only.
You can read all about it here, if you haven’t got dozens of better things to do.
Sex is for married heterosexual couples only, says Church of England https://t.co/jDxAA96mQU — The Guardian (@guardian) January 23, 2020
People had plenty of reasons to clap back at the Church, and these reactions pretty much cover them.
1.
British government: Let’s forsake modernity for a return to the Middle Ages. Royal Family: Hold our beer. Church of England: F*@k all y'all. https://t.co/EknB1iCJDj — Alex Winter (@Winter) January 23, 2020
2.
It’s a bit late for a church which was created for the sole purpose of letting a fat king dump his wife in favour of the girlfriend he would eventually have beheaded to develop a moral platform on relationship issues https://t.co/sBTJdOmhcv — Mitch Benn🇬🇧🇪🇺 (@MitchBenn) January 23, 2020
3.
Australia is on Fire. Myanmar is convicted of Genocide. Iran is in turmoil. Coronavirus is spreading globally. Trump is impeached. Trump is still running for President. Boris Johnson is Prime Minister. Brexit is happening in one week. Church of England announces today: https://t.co/InX7oEchqU — Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) January 23, 2020
4.
Some married heterosexual couples, particularly those who have been married for a long time, may find the evidence is against this. https://t.co/YwC70bdBJz — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 23, 2020
5.
6.
fine, I'll just have sex with married heterosexual couples from now on https://t.co/3dPGvc32o2 — Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) January 23, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-01-24--This golfer’s soon-to-be ex-wife’s takedown was a cheap shot but no less satisfying for it

‘ I thought golf wasn ’ t supposed to be a violent sport , ’ writes gregoyless over on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ a golf course and I can confirm that this is applicable to basically every golfer @ @ @ @ @ most impressive indoor golf trick shot you ’ ll see anytime soon ( and no @ @ @ @ @ Eric )

Popular
‘I thought golf wasn’t supposed to be a violent sport,’ writes gregoyless over on Reddit.
Bunkered, Eric.
‘I work at a golf course and I can confirm that this is applicable to basically every golfer,’ Salt_of_the_wound
READ MORE
Simply the most impressive indoor golf trick shot you’ll see anytime soon (and no, it’s not Eric)
Source Reddit u/gregoyless


thepoke--2020-01-24--The takedown of this American politician’s climate change denial is boiling hot

Over in America , Republican politician Rand Paul ’ s got climate change all sorted .
Despite all of the evidence to the contrary , Paul – son of former Republican senator and one-time presidential hopeful Ron Paul – says humanity is set fair for , oh , a few hundred million years yet .
We only mention it because the subsequent takedown went viral because , well , enjoy it for yourself .
‘ Someone call 911 , Rand Paul just got assassinated , ’ said shlemazeltov who shared it on Reddit .
‘ Ron Paul just got assassinated.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ favourite comments it generated .
“ Our planet ’ s atmosphere is sub-optimal by a few parts per million of one common gas.
” “ This is impossible to fix .
Think of how much it would cost.
” “ This distant rock has almost no atmosphere at all , no magnetosphere , and the strength of its gravity is whack.
” “ I see no reason why we can ’ t fix those.
” aetius476 ‘ Mars for the rich , Earth for the poor.
’ JouleS88 A climate change denier argued @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was glorious

Twitter
Over in America, Republican politician Rand Paul’s got climate change all sorted.
Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, Paul – son of former Republican senator and one-time presidential hopeful Ron Paul – says humanity is set fair for, oh, a few hundred million years yet.
We only mention it because the subsequent takedown went viral because, well, enjoy it for yourself.
‘Someone call 911, Rand Paul just got assassinated,’ said shlemazeltov who shared it on Reddit. ‘Ron Paul just got assassinated.’
And just a few of our favourite comments it generated.
“Our planet’s atmosphere is sub-optimal by a few parts per million of one common gas.” “This is impossible to fix. Think of how much it would cost.” “This distant rock has almost no atmosphere at all, no magnetosphere, and the strength of its gravity is whack.” “I see no reason why we can’t fix those.”
aetius476 ‘Does he understand how long a hundred million years is?’ Ienjoyduckscompany ‘Mars for the rich, Earth for the poor.’
JouleS88
READ MORE
A climate change denier argued with the wrong person and the payoff was glorious
Source Reddit u/shlemazeltov


thepoke--2020-01-24--This Pastor was taken down by his own favourite book and it’s biblical

‘ Not Paster John ’ s finest hour , ’ says whitelighttheory over on Reddit and you ’ ll see @ @ @ @ @ couple of comments that it prompted .
‘ I will bet anything that this is @ @ @ @ @ his actions.
’ turtletitan8196 ‘ When interpreting the Bible to fit your political agenda goes @ @ @ @ @ witnesses are notoriously unreliable so the point is fucked from the start.
’ CougdIt But @ @ @ @ @ surely this .
The takedown of this person who defended the Bible in its entirety @ @ @

Twitter
‘Not Pastor John’s finest hour,’ says whitelighttheory over on Reddit and you’ll see why.
And just a couple of comments that it prompted.
‘I will bet anything that this is in defense of Trump and his actions.’ turtletitan8196 ‘When interpreting the Bible to fit your political agenda goes wrong.’ relax-and-enjoy-life ‘Eye witnesses are notoriously unreliable so the point is fucked from the start.’ CougdIt
But the most important question was surely this.
‘Wait who tags their own twitter account in their tweets.’ El-Justiciero
READ MORE
The takedown of this person who defended the Bible in its entirety was sheer perfection
Source Reddit u/whitelighttheory


thepoke--2020-01-24--Anti-vaxxer comeback of the week

Anti-vaxxer comeback of the week

Alas there is no vaccination for stupidity .
And if there was , they wouldn ’ t take it .
@ @ @ @ @ had a message for anti-vaxxers and the internet applauded

Twitter
Alas there is no vaccination for stupidity. And if there was, they wouldn’t take it.
READ MORE
This doctor’s surgery had a message for anti-vaxxers and the internet applauded
Source Reddit u/Atheizm


thepoke--2020-01-24--An unlucky 13 reactions to the Doomsday Clock’s terrifying new time

Each year , a group of independent experts meets to assess the likelihood of global destruction before representing it on @ @ @ @ @ ’ s good to have a hobby .
For example , when the US first @ @ @ @ @ the clock was set at two minutes to midnight , and as India and Pakistan @ @ @ @ @ outdo each other in the nuclear arms race , the hands were moved to nine @ @ @ @ @ Thursday , the body that oversees the process , The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists @ @ @ @ @ 2020 would be …100 seconds to midnight .
The people of Twitter reacted very much @ @ @ @ @ – with a lot of mock terror and pisstakes .

News
Each year, a group of independent experts meets to assess the likelihood of global destruction before representing it on the Doomsday Clock. It’s good to have a hobby.
For example, when the US first tested the hydrogen bomb, the clock was set at two minutes to midnight, and as India and Pakistan seemed to be trying to outdo each other in the nuclear arms race, the hands were moved to nine minutes to midnight.
On Thursday, the body that oversees the process, The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced that the time for 2020 would be …100 seconds to midnight.
Gulp!
“Today the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moves the hands of the Doomsday Clock. It is 100 Seconds to Midnight,” — @RachelBronson1, President & CEO, Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists#DoomsdayClock pic.twitter.com/bxlf9TvEZu — Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists (@BulletinAtomic) January 23, 2020
The people of Twitter reacted very much as you’d expect – with a lot of mock terror and pisstakes.
1.
Do you think the #DoomsdayClock has a snooze button? — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) January 23, 2020
2.
3.
BREAKING: As the Doomsday Clock moves to within 100 seconds of midnight, Brexiteers launch campaign for it to bong next Friday. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 23, 2020
4.
The #doomsdayclock goes back an hour in March though right? — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) January 23, 2020
5.
I don't know what time it is on the #DoomsdayClock, but I knew we were all screwed when it hit Trump o'clock. — Bleeding Heart Liberal Marine (@zaharako) January 23, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-01-24--16 nice things we’ve seen this week that made us feel good inside

In a world that can be a bit rubbish a lot of the time , here ’ s our round @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve seen this week that gave us a nice warm glow inside .

Twitter
In a world that can be a bit rubbish a lot of the time, here’s our round up of some things we’ve seen this week that gave us a nice warm glow inside.
1.
2.
I sent the pictures of the Obamas to my mom jokingly asking why her and my dad weren’t as cute as them and this is their response pic.twitter.com/SjD8Z5ugMv — Breann (@breeeeann) January 17, 2020
3.
This is Tatum.
He is a rescued dog and this is his first walk after being adopted.
His emotion is amazing❤ pic.twitter.com/qywTPbg2N6 — Akki (@Akkivideos) January 19, 2020
4.
An incorrectly assembled whippet. pic.twitter.com/CVAAOL3efV — Jonathan Best (@jonnnybest) January 18, 2020
5.
everyone stop arguing + look at these frogs having a bath pic.twitter.com/20UG4B9EUh — alex☀ (@LlGHTSNOWW) January 18, 2020
6.
Dad builds custom Xbox Adaptive Controller so daughter can play Breath of the Wild. https://t.co/8iIGoJM6yR pic.twitter.com/TxzDsfKZAe — Kotaku (@Kotaku) January 20, 2020
7.
when you don’t know what you’re doing but ur happy to be involved
(1momjourney2fit IG) pic.twitter.com/4ZnRhI1N7q — Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) January 19, 2020
8.
woke up to a text from my mom about how a wild elephant went into a Sri Lankan hotel and gently wandered around while poking stuff with his trunk pic.twitter.com/C2biQT8C30 — Upuli 🇱🇰 (@upidaisy) January 19, 2020
9.
obsessed with this tiktok. hes just eatting it pic.twitter.com/4W61h6OdQd — Eli (@mgseli) January 18, 2020
10.
11.
This is a mummy shrew and her whisker of baby shrews. Shrews have poor eyesight and these babies are nearly blind. To get about they form a conga, each adorable animal biting the tail of the one in front to stay connected. pic.twitter.com/PmIdfZKdsh — Science girl (@gunsnrosesgirl3) January 20, 2020
12.
My sisters dogs aren’t allowed on the bed so when they sneak on they freeze and pretend they aren’t there 😂 pic.twitter.com/K1T6SiZoim — Hodge (@Hodgebristol) January 21, 2020
13.
Penguin couple enjoy a romantic stroll on the beach. pic.twitter.com/eXWFoCoGNp — Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) January 21, 2020
14.
GET UP COME ON AND HONK WITH THE SICKNESS pic.twitter.com/IoN3tgXK28 — Murray Lewis (@GameDevIdeas) January 23, 2020
15.
We need more of this. 🤗 pic.twitter.com/EDPmQPnlz2 — Kevin W. (@Brink_Thinker) January 22, 2020
16.


thepoke--2020-01-24--The Dolly Parton challenge that is taking over the internet – our 14 favourites

You may have seen – you ’ d be hard pushed to have missed – the ‘ LinkedIn , Facebook @ @ @ @ @ challenge that just about the world ’ s entire population has been taking part in @ @ @ @ @ Dolly Parton shared a post of pictures of herself that she reckoned fitted the four @ @ @ @ @ And since then just about everyone ’ s been doing something similar .
Here are @ @ @ @ @ the very best of the 10-year challenge meme

Pics
You may have seen – you’d be hard pushed to have missed – the ‘LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder’ challenge that just about the world’s entire population has been taking part in.
It all started when Dolly Parton shared a post of pictures of herself that she reckoned fitted the four different social media platforms.
Get you a woman who can do it all 😉 pic.twitter.com/sG4OHpVgxM — Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) January 21, 2020
And since then just about everyone’s been doing something similar. Here are our favourites.
1.
2.
3.
Had to do our own #dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/WIxDa0Tw9t — Seal Rescue Ireland (@seal_rescue) January 24, 2020
4.
When you've got an unhealthy obsession with chairs (see our touring exhibition for evidence) https://t.co/d16g9XeRDG
#dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/TLJaIZHdDv — Design Museum (@DesignMuseum) January 24, 2020
5.
6.
7.
Just an excuse to post the Sentinel TBH #dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/IHLKgUhWkS — The Tank Museum (@TankMuseum) January 24, 2020
8.
The parks can do it all! Which one do you best relate to?

P.S. The NPS is actually not on tinder. Keep swiping. But we can still be friends?!
#FindYourPark #dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/D0nnsL1wzb — National Park Service (@NatlParkService) January 23, 2020
9.
https://twitter.com/PupperNelson/status/1220572791042445312?s=20
10.
11.
Way better than mine. Pharaoh just gets it. #dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/cvT6wGgMM1 — The Brandalorian (@TheBrandiRhodes) January 24, 2020
12.
Please buy smoothies that can do it all. #dollypartonchallenge pic.twitter.com/5VJw5Ajg0Q — innocent drinks (@innocent) January 24, 2020
13.
14.
https://twitter.com/JoshuaTreeNPS/status/1220469412395831296?s=20
READ MORE
19 of the very best of the 10-year challenge meme


thepoke--2020-01-24--This nostalgic ‘Great Britain’ post prompted some brilliant detective work to pinpoint the exact day

This nostalgic ‘Great Britain’ post prompted some brilliant detective work to pinpoint the exact day it’s talking about

You might have come across this nostalgic post harking back to a simpler time when , apparently , Britain really @ @ @ @ @ you haven ’ t – but even if you have – here it is .
@ @ @ @ @ response by @ RufusHound .
But that ’ s not why we ’ re here @ @ @ @ @ because the post prompted comedian @ FrizFrizzle to put on his deerstalker and get out @ @ @ @ @ out exactly what day they were talking about .
Not everyone appreciated it .
But @ @ @ @ @ .
And you can follow @ FrizFrizzle on Twitter here !
5 of the most @ @ @ @ @ British TV in the 1980s

Twitter
You might have come across this nostalgic post harking back to a simpler time when, apparently, Britain really was Great Britain.
If you haven’t – but even if you have – here it is.
And it prompted this fantastic response by @RufusHound.
No. That's when you were a child. It's when you were unaware of how messy, complicated and hard the world (and living in it) is. The thing you're trying to get back to isn't a time when Britain was great. It's childhood. pic.twitter.com/nGCTIDWXFZ — Rufus Hound 🌨 (@RufusHound) January 23, 2020
But that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because the post prompted comedian @FrizFrizzle to put on his deerstalker and get out his magnifying glass to work out exactly what day they were talking about.
And it’s brilliant.
I am determined to find out which year (and potentially which DAY) this "when Britain was great" post is about. pic.twitter.com/kziHnnAJ0q — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Okay, so Gladiators aired between 1992-2000. Baywatch first aired in the US in 1989, so this post is DEFINITELY about the 1990s. Surprisingly later than I thought! — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Channel 5 started in 1997. So this is about 1990-1996. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
"Not a computer in sight". The PlayStation is the 5th highest selling games console. This was released in December 1994, and i assume a lot of people got this for Christmas. We are down to 1990-1994. pic.twitter.com/uSZJtNPnhE — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Gladiators first aired in 1992! How come I forgot I already said that. We've whittled it down to 1992-1994. pic.twitter.com/9gzXZj4PDy — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Gladiators aired 44 episodes between 1992 and 1994. We'll call it 43 episodes though, as that last week coincides with everyone playing their newfangled computer playstation. pic.twitter.com/WbXPOXTp0Z — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
61 episodes of Blind Date aired during those times. AND BOTH SHOWS STARTED ON THE SAME DATE! 10TH OCTOBER 1992!! 10th October 1992 – 24th December 1994. pic.twitter.com/29rDVSZ9AX — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
With this data, there are three blocks of time we can extrapolate 10th Oct – 5th Dec 1992
18th Oct 1993 – 1st Jan 1994
1st Oct 1994 – 24 Dec 1994 Whichever it is, we're looking at 34 possible Saturdays. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Oh! But vandalism was only on school desks! School doesn't happen during Christmas break! Let's say, Christmas break is two weeks. We can knock off five potential days. 10th Oct 92 – 5th Dec 92
18th October 93 – 20th Dec 93
1st Oct 94 – 17th Dec 94 pic.twitter.com/LR6wKLYKDx — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
I really can't continue until I know when Baywatch aired in the UK. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
These are the dates the clocks went back on those years. With this data, there are three blocks of time we can extrapolate 10th Oct – 25th October 1992
18th Oct 1993 – 24th October 1994
1st Oct 1994 – 23rd October 1994 WE HAVE WHITTLED IT DOWN. pic.twitter.com/C4UL4GBz10 — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Britain was great on one of the possible days: 10th October 1992
17th October 1992
24th October 1992
18th October 1993
23rd October 1993
1st October 1994
8th October 1994
15th October 1994
22nd October 1994. That's NINE POSSIBLE DAYS. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
We still have to add The Baywatch Paradigm to this data. It might not help, but that's where we are at the moment. According to this ridiculous post, Britain was Great on one Saturday in October between 1992 and 1994. Thank you. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
If you're confused about why I did the "clocks going back" thing, it's because I was given this info: pic.twitter.com/1iJh9LQb6p — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Thank you @russty_russ. We have found out that Baywatch did NOT air during the 1992 dates. Britain was great on one of the possible days: 18th October 1993
23rd October 1993
1st October 1994
8th October 1994
15th October 1994
22nd October 1994. That's SIX POSSIBLE DAYS. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Baywatch did, however, air on the same nights as some Blind Date/Gladiator repeats… BUT ONLY UNTIL 9TH OCTOBER 1993. 2nd October 1993
9th October 1993
1st October 1994
8th October 1994
15th October 1994
22nd October 1994. That's still SIX POSSIBLE DAYS. pic.twitter.com/gGhesTIIGz — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
So that means that we have whittled it down to FOUR DATES. 2nd October 1993
9th October 1993
15th October 1994
22nd October 1994. Four possible days. — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
I am happy to confirm the results. This stupid nostalgic Facebook post is talking about four possible Saturdays in the 1990s. 2nd October 1993, 9th October 1993, 15th October 1994 or 22nd October 1994. I will not be taking any further questions. pic.twitter.com/OJQTA53E88 — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 23, 2020
Just beautifully done!
This thread is GLORIOUS https://t.co/5RBZNasm2K — Charlie Stross (@cstross) January 24, 2020
Absolutely incredible detective work in this thread. My hat is doffed. https://t.co/NkOjA51x0I — Seb Patrick (@sebpatrick) January 24, 2020
Thread of the day. An excellent debunking of nostalgic bullshit. Now is infinitely better. https://t.co/dFgJvt3lhk — Kipper McFish (@KipperMcFish) January 24, 2020
Not everyone appreciated it.
I've seen this around a lot today – the people posting it aren't nostalgic for a certain time, or year – they are nostalgic for childhood. That's what's being described. This wasn't how life was any time for adults, this is a child's description of their childlike world. — Ali 👀 (@Muggsy14) January 24, 2020
But they were wrong, obviously.
Just a fun thread though, innit? — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 24, 2020
And you can follow @FrizFrizzle on Twitter here!
Also, I'm at the Leicester Comedy Festival next month. Come see it. It's silly songs and stories. I won't be talking about twee nostalgiashite diatribe splurges. pic.twitter.com/tTwzGLHQUS — Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) January 24, 2020
READ MORE
5 of the most hideous jumpers to appear on British TV in the 1980s


thepoke--2020-01-24--A bird pooed on this reporter’s jacket and he learned never to look up with your mouth open


thepoke--2020-01-27--People condemned this aunt’s tantrum over being asked to pay postage for free books

School books aren ’ t cheap , so if family or friends can share , it ’ s a real money saver , which is why people have been so shocked by the reaction of this aunt who became seriously abusive when asked to pay the shipping costs of free books .
This is how the conversation panned out .
Her tantrum didn ’ t go down well with Reddit users .
Her options were really either pay 10 $ to ship or pay full price for the textbooks .
She chose third option of paying full price AND being @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but I would never speak to this person again .
I ’ m approaching my 30 ’ s and have developed a zero bullshit policy .
I simply don ’ t have the time or energy to concern myself with twats , family or otherwise .
The only response I could muster to said “ you said free ” would just be “ lol fuck off.
” OP was way nicer than most people would be .
Ah yes .
In her world , family is supposed to do whatever she wants , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ street .
Imagine if the positions were reversed .
We ’ d all go deaf from her screeching indignation .
She should do that now .
You know what they say …Carpe diem .

Weird World
School books aren’t cheap, so if family or friends can share, it’s a real money saver, which is why people have been so shocked by the reaction of this aunt who became seriously abusive when asked to pay the shipping costs of free books.
This is how the conversation panned out.
That escalated quickly.
Her tantrum didn’t go down well with Reddit users.
Her options were really either pay 10$ to ship or pay full price for the textbooks. She chose third option of paying full price AND being the family embarrassment jnels808
Call it drastic, but I would never speak to this person again. I’m approaching my 30’s and have developed a zero bullshit policy. I simply don’t have the time or energy to concern myself with twats, family or otherwise. noneofmybusinessbutt
The only response I could muster to said “you said free” would just be “lol fuck off.” OP was way nicer than most people would be. Mmmmustard
Ah yes. In her world, family is supposed to do whatever she wants, but it is only a one way street. Imagine if the positions were reversed. We’d all go deaf from her screeching indignation. latents
I love how she jumps straight to “fuck you.” Stay classy, auntie. ControlledAirspace
Someone named u/dxiao had a suggestion:
Post that shit on your Facebook, tag your cousins, your parents, her parents and their fucking dog.
#
She should do that now. You know what they say …Carpe diem.
Source Reddit Image Reddit, @claybanks on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-27--Watch the hilarious moment Lewis Capaldi’s face gave away his opinion of the karaoke singer

We love Lewis Capaldi .
The young Scottish singer hasn ’ t just taken the charts by storm on both @ @ @ @ @ but he has a fantastic sense of humour that he frequently shares on Social media @ @ @ @ @ on camera by someone watching a Twitter user and drummer named Deano do a bit @ @ @ @ @ ’ s fair to say Lewis didn ’ t look impressed .
But it looks @ @ @ @ @ by Deano ’ s video .
So were these people .
A few people , @ @ @ @ @ the same thought .
We might even watch it if that happened .
We love @ @ @ @ @ celebration of his debut album ’ s success

Videos
We love Lewis Capaldi. The young Scottish singer hasn’t just taken the charts by storm on both sides of the Atlantic, but he has a fantastic sense of humour that he frequently shares on Social media.
He was recently caught on camera by someone watching a Twitter user and drummer named Deano do a bit of karaoke, and it’s fair to say Lewis didn’t look impressed.
I see @LewisCapaldi isn’t a fan of me karaoke pic.twitter.com/VLJqCfi1en — Deano (@dreambyrne) January 25, 2020
But it looks like he was pretty amused by Deano’s video.
Hahahahah — Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) January 25, 2020
So were these people.
Remind me to never do karaoke if @LewisCapaldi is around lol 😂🙄😂 — Eileen Myers (@EileenM94895526) 25 January 2020
🤣🤣🤣🤣 The only way this would have been funnier is if you were singing one of his songs. — Sentiment Shed (@sentimentshed) 25 January 2020
Looked more like he was saying ‘I would give it 10mins before going in their mate’ — Sat-nav ⭐⭐ (@Redtom1903) 25 January 2020
He’s like “god I’m outta here. Shut up man.” — Mayah (@Mayah_Abelman55) 25 January 2020
A few people, including Neil Edlin, had the same thought.
Anymore eye rolling like that and they'll get you to be a judge on The Voice….. — Neil Edlin (@QuotesFromEdlin) January 26, 2020
We might even watch it if that happened.
READ MORE
We love Lewis Capaldi’s sweary celebration of his debut album’s success
Source Deano Image Deano Instagram


thepoke--2020-01-27--“We need to talk about Tristan da Cunha’s place names”

Who doesn ’ t love a silly place name ?
There are thousands of them across the globe , like @ @ @ @ @ in Scotland and Fucking in Austria , as well as just plain daft ones , @ @ @ @ @ and My Large Intestine , Texas – yes , that ’ s real .
It @ @ @ @ @ a considerable number of oddly named places are clumped together on the island of Tristan @ @ @ @ @ Dan Snow brought it to our attention .
He highlighted some of the names in @ @ @ @ @ had some absolute gold .
In a beautiful Twitter moment , the grandson of the @ @ @ @ @ the oddities .
Comedian Natt Tapley was brave enough to mention the elephant in the @ @ @ @ @ the origin of Noel Edmonds ’ Crinkley Bottom .
These maps of the rudest place @ @ @ @ @ the edge off the New Year

Twitter
Who doesn’t love a silly place name? There are thousands of them across the globe, like the NSFW pair of Twatt in Scotland and Fucking in Austria, as well as just plain daft ones, such as Boring, Oregon and My Large Intestine, Texas – yes, that’s real.
It seems, however, that a considerable number of oddly named places are clumped together on the island of Tristan da Cunha, and historian Dan Snow brought it to our attention.
I think we need to talk about Tristan da Cunha's place names. pic.twitter.com/2H5PMmcZfc — Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) January 25, 2020
He highlighted some of the names in a thread:
It starts off pretty tame.
Conventional Mt minor royal. So far so good. pic.twitter.com/8s7gXp3Ney — Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) 25 January 2020
Included some downright dull.
But also had some absolute gold.
Absolutely out there. Best capital name in the world. By far. pic.twitter.com/UB7MKvOMxI — Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) 25 January 2020
That goat has left an imprint on earth’s geography. I won’t. I’m cool with it. pic.twitter.com/JP1JhOCj6r — Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) 25 January 2020
Trump level crazy. pic.twitter.com/R2dQvahC2q — Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) 25 January 2020
In a beautiful Twitter moment, the grandson of the cartographer had an explanation for the oddities.
Blame my grandfather for using the real, day-to-day names the islanders used when he mapped it! pic.twitter.com/d9iFwwOqZ8 — Bryant Crawford (@bryantcrawford) 26 January 2020
Comedian Natt Tapley was brave enough to mention the elephant in the room.
I think we need to talk about the colors chosen for the different levels of relief on this map. (And buttholes) https://t.co/UqSjZvTBK2 — Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) January 25, 2020
Perhaps this is the origin of Noel Edmonds’ Crinkley Bottom.
READ MORE
These maps of the rudest place names in Britain should take the edge off the New Year
Source Dan Snow Image Dan Snow


thepoke--2020-01-27--This creepy umbrella animation is very impressive, but absolutely terrifying

Russian animator Patiffonka has shared a creation that will have you looking at your umbrella in a very different way @ @ @ @ @ not for arachnophobes .
We apologise if this is going to haunt your dreams for @ @ @ @ @ ’ s what other people thought of it .
Others were more traumatised .
As @ @ @ @ @ us how he did it .

Videos
Russian animator Patiffonka has shared a creation that will have you looking at your umbrella in a very different way, and it’s not for arachnophobes.
We apologise if this is going to haunt your dreams for the foreseeable future. Here’s what other people thought of it.
Some were simply impressed.
I love this edit. Wonderful work. https://t.co/C490fWxBx3 — NaughtyAnubis (@NaughtyAnubis) January 24, 2020
i loved that. It just got better and better… https://t.co/YR3WqrBr1l — masterxeon1001 (@mxeon1001) January 24, 2020
Others were more traumatised.
I am never touching another umbrella again https://t.co/9CTzYVIua8 — MitchieD (@MitchieMuses) January 24, 2020
As a bonus, Patiffonka showed us how he did it.
Wonderful – but still horrific.
Source Patiffonka Image Patiffonka


thepoke--2020-01-27--15 album covers that aimed for seductive but landed on cringeworthy

Album covers feature a wealth of cool , creepy and cringeworthy stuff , with some covers becoming iconic , including @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Lonely Hearts Club album , and others becoming notorious , such as David @ @ @ @ @ full spread .
Over at sadanduseless.com , where they ’ re neither of those things @ @ @ @ @ looking at album covers that tried that little bit too hard to be sexy and @ @ @ @ @ .
These are our favourites .
1 .
We ’ re so grateful for those @ @ @ @ @ ’ s going to go mad when she finds out her favourite throw is missing @ @ @ @ @ ve got sexy LP modelling at 4 , but tennis training at 6:30 6 .
@ @ @ @ @ , Pete …if you don ’ t move your foot … ” 7 .
One @ @ @ @ @ injuries seen in A & E each week 8 .
What business would that be @ @ @

Pics
Album covers feature a wealth of cool, creepy and cringeworthy stuff, with some covers becoming iconic, including the Beatles’ Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club album, and others becoming notorious, such as David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs full spread.
Over at sadanduseless.com, where they’re neither of those things, they’ve been looking at album covers that tried that little bit too hard to be sexy and ended up as cringeworthy AF.
These are our favourites.
1. We’re so grateful for those undies
2. His mum’s going to go mad when she finds out her favourite throw is missing
3. Leave, mate. Nobody’s stopping you
4. Burt Reynolds: the desperate years
5. When you’ve got sexy LP modelling at 4, but tennis training at 6:30
6. “I swear to God, Pete …if you don’t move your foot …”
7. One of the many eye-watering accordion injuries seen in A&E each week
8. What business would that be, Gary?


thepoke--2020-01-27--The Brexit 50p coin is about to land and these 15 people aren’t keen on the change

After a couple of false starts due to the extensions messing up the dates , Friday 31st January will finally @ @ @ @ @ Brexit 50p into general circulation .
Chancellor Sajid Javid posed for a triumphant picture , @ @ @ @ @ the shiny they got from their latest pack of Panini stickers .
The Royal Mint @ @ @ @ @ strike their own coins on Brexit day , on a first come first serve basis @ @ @ @ @ Mark Francois to set up a tent outside the building on Thursday morning .
Understandably @ @ @ @ @ than overjoyed reactions , and these were our favourites .

Twitter
After a couple of false starts due to the extensions messing up the dates, Friday 31st January will finally see the introduction of the Brexit 50p into general circulation.
Chancellor Sajid Javid posed for a triumphant picture, like a kid showing off the shiny they got from their latest pack of Panini stickers.
Brexit day 50p coin unveiled by Chancellor Sajid Javid https://t.co/UfsiqG5KU1 — BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) January 26, 2020
The Royal Mint plans to allow people to strike their own coins on Brexit day, on a first come first serve basis, so we fully expect Mark Francois to set up a tent outside the building on Thursday morning.
Understandably, there were some less than overjoyed reactions, and these were our favourites.
1.
2.
The UK in 2020. Where there are millions of pounds available to mint commemorative 50p’s for a vanity project but nothing to keep a disabled person from dying. https://t.co/aMwgP2kESB — David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 26, 2020
3.
The 50p equivalent of a drunken racist who's spent the night being like a violent chaotic thug in the pub suddenly trying to hug all the people it's insulted. pic.twitter.com/Rm5AbJEdou — Otto English (@Otto_English) January 25, 2020
4.
Idiots: gonna luz this into the sea You: gonna give this to charity or those in need Me, an intellectual: Fiat currency will have no more value than their weight when society collapses due to disease and climate change, so I will make a mail armour from my coins to survive. https://t.co/9cixkjnANe — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) January 26, 2020
5.
'Can I hold the Brexit 50p, Dad?' pic.twitter.com/4lamqTbg1n — Verity Kalcev (@VerityKalcev) January 25, 2020
6.
If my government was leading us off a cliff with nothing to show for it but a novelty 50p coin I'd avoid the "Gollum falling into a volcano whilst clutching happily onto precious" look but you do you pic.twitter.com/4iKwK5N2ux — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 26, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-01-27--Trump’s Space Force emblem reached the final frontier of design  – the only 5 reactions you need to

Trump’s Space Force emblem reached the final frontier of design  – the only 5 reactions you need to see

Donald Trump ’ s unlikely project , Space Force , is well and truly off the ground , and the @ @ @ @ @ new emblem for the world to see – via Twitter , obviously .
Some people @ @ @ @ @ the design .
We particularly enjoyed these five reactions .
One exchange nailed the Trump-Star @ @ @ @ @ had to tip our hats to it .
The US is launching a Space Force @ @ @ @ @ of this world – the funniest 37

News
Donald Trump’s unlikely project, Space Force, is well and truly off the ground, and the President has proudly displayed its new emblem for the world to see – via Twitter, obviously.
After consultation with our Great Military Leaders, designers, and others, I am pleased to present the new logo for the United States Space Force, the Sixth Branch of our Magnificent Military! pic.twitter.com/TC8pT4yHFT — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 24, 2020
Some people noticed a slight problem with the design.
via Gfycat
We particularly enjoyed these five reactions.
1.
“Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Air Force legal department; its four year mission, to dodge pre-existing copyright, to seek out new loopholes, and new exemptions, and to boldly logo where *no* logo has gone before…” https://t.co/5el6iDINFB — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) January 25, 2020
2.
Either this is a joke or he's about to become the first president to get sued by Jean Luc Picard https://t.co/zoOgPQLJDX — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 24, 2020
3.
Dammit Jim – I’m a doctor, not a copyright lawyer pic.twitter.com/ZfG8d3qR0V — Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) January 24, 2020
4.
The official salute pic.twitter.com/IbHCZ8j4oG — Jon Emerick (@jon_emerick) 24 January 2020
5.
"After consultation with our great military leaders and designers, we decided to just rip off the Star Trek logo" https://t.co/aMUdERLcY8 pic.twitter.com/6qFSoclrin — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) January 24, 2020
One exchange nailed the Trump-Star Trek crossover, and we had to tip our hats to it.
We will make the Klingons pay for it — Jeff Graham (@heffaycs) 25 January 2020
READ MORE
The US is launching a Space Force and the reactions are out of this world – the funniest 37
Source Donald Trump Image Ben Warwick


thepoke--2020-01-27--Women are sharing the stupid things men do in the kitchen and some men are getting very upset about

Women are sharing the stupid things men do in the kitchen and some men are getting very upset about it

It began when someone on Twitter shared this story of a dinner date gone wrong when she asked a man @ @ @ @ @ , well , here ’ s what happened next , according to @ cottoncandaddy on @ @ @ @ @ prompted lots of women to get in touch with similar stories of stupid things men @ @ @ @ @ Or very probably that should be things stupid men can ’ t do .
But @ @ @ @ @ to the whole thing .
And others appeared to suggest that knives were for losers @ @ @ @ @ – well , any men really – were in any doubt how it should be @ @ @ @ @ funny nicknames that people ended up with at work

Twitter
It began when someone on Twitter shared this story of a dinner date gone wrong when she asked a man to halve a cauliflower and, well, here’s what happened next, according to @cottoncandaddy on Twitter.
And her tale prompted lots of women to get in touch with similar stories of stupid things men can’t do. Or very probably that should be things stupid men can’t do.
Same situation but with a block of cheese, after I gave him a knife. Needless to say, we are no longer dating. — Maria Kalavera 🌸 (@MariaKalavera) 14 January 2020
A gentleman caller once asked me for “raw toast” for breakfast, and when I stared at him and said “do you mean bread??” He stormed out. — Katie McKee (@Katharine_Mckee) 15 January 2020
one time i asked my ex to make me a bagel bc i was hungover and he asked me how to make it fit in the toaster, so i told him to split it in half. this motherfucker cut it like this and tried to shove it in the toaster pic.twitter.com/JWa9ZnucT6 — 🧚🏻♀ (@kaylamarino7) 15 January 2020
I once asked my bf to open a jar of spaghetti sauce and when I turned around he was pouring it into the boiling pasta water — Natalie Hess (@hess_natalie) 15 January 2020
I asked my ex to wash potatoes and when I turned around he was scrubbing them with detergent and the dish sponge. — heyyJules_ (@BigInJapan__) 15 January 2020
I dated a guy in college who was absolutely unable to figure out the mystery of box mix cake. He also made a sandwich at my place once that was pizza between 4 slices of toast. I think my soul actually fell out of my body I was so confused — satanic panic @ kinky foolery (@tinygaymoonfae) 15 January 2020
Friend bought 5 lbs of pork sausage. Used half in a sauce for pasta. Told husband to take the leftovers to work for lunch. He took the other half of raw sausage. And ate it all. And didn’t notice until she called and asked why he didn’t take his lunch (the pasta) — Katie McKee (@Katharine_Mckee) 15 January 2020
I dated a guy who made dinner, with a recipe, and it would have been good, except where it says to add salt, it didn’t say how much, so he added a quarter cup. — Teresa ☕📖⚽ (@GumbyGrrl) 15 January 2020
My friend’s husband called her complaining about the bad lettuce she had bought. It was purple cauliflower. Friends, this man is an ER doctor. — Amber Benson (@AmberBenson) 15 January 2020
Had a(n adult man) friend call to ask me how to make tea, and then he followed up with *three* subsequent texts, just to be sure. Not sure how they stay alive, tbh. — Cabini (@CRHinCA) 15 January 2020
One day I was sitting on my couch and heard a slapping sound. I turn around and my friend is slapping the chicken. I ask what he is doing and he said the recipe said to pat the chicken dry. I told him that he’s supposed to use a towel. He went and got a bath towel. — GnomeSloth (@GnomeSloth) 15 January 2020
I once said to my ex ‘I need your man hands’, when he asked what for I said to mash the potatoes. He stuck his bare hands in the hot mashed potatoes. Kinda my fault, but still. 🤷🏽♀🖐🏾 — Eleanor Fights (@eleanorfights) 15 January 2020
This exchange: “Why doesn’t she just use flour?”
“She cant eat wheat.”
“Why doesn’t she just use flour?”
“She cant eat wheat.”
“Why doesn’t she just use flour?”
“SHE CAN’T EAT WHEAT.”
“Is…flour made from wheat??” I really want to know if he thought it was made of flowers. — HelenHuntingdon (@HelenHuntingdon) 15 January 2020
But some men took great offence to the whole thing.
the level of insecurity in some of the reactions to this tweet pic.twitter.com/ZoDSwK50eh — sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) 16 January 2020
People like this guy.
And others appeared to suggest that knives were for losers.
Just in case anyone – well, any men really – were in any doubt how it should be done …
For those of y’all asking how else you’d do it, a how-to picture: pic.twitter.com/7TWHSBG06U — The Void™ (@lovelylexi28) 15 January 2020
To conclude, this.
If getting laughed at for not knowing how to cut a cauliflower in half is the root cause of male emotional problems, then masculinity is even more fragile than we thought. Take a cooking class. Go to therapy. — Sam Clifford (@samclifford) 15 January 2020
READ MORE
Simply 23 very funny nicknames that people ended up with at work
H/T Indy100 Source Twitter @cottoncandaddy


thepoke--2020-01-27--This horrified bloke gave his sister his old phone but forgot to delete his ‘homework’ folder

Now this isn ’ t necessarily a lesson we all need to learn – not you , I ’ m sure not , absolutely out of the question – but it ’ s a salutary lesson for , shall we say , some people .
Just not us .
It ’ s a devastating tale shared on the TIFU – ‘ Today I Fucked Up ’ – subReddit by JustaYeetingMat that goes like this .
‘ Always , always , always do a factory reset on electronics you sell or give away .
Protects your information and saves you from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ part is that you ’ ll be reliving this story for the entirety of your adult life at family get-togethers.
’ handlessuck Someone also took the time to offer some reassurance too , which was nice .
‘ That sucks and is terribly humiliating but just realize you ’ ll either have to deal with the taunting for a bit until it dies down , which it should pretty quickly , or just continue avoiding which is going to make things more awkward .
Honestly , if you go into it kinda like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what I like , so what ?
Just be indifferent to it all .
You can definitely be apologetic for not deleting it correctly .
That also may be why some are mad about it because a young girl saw everything .
It will all blow over.
’ stefannystrange A bad choice of snack led to a fart so toxic it shut down a job

Popular
Now this isn’t necessarily a lesson we all need to learn – not you, I’m sure not, absolutely out of the question – but it’s a salutary lesson for, shall we say, some people.
Just not us.
It’s a devastating tale shared on the TIFU – ‘Today I Fucked Up’ – subReddit by JustaYeetingMat that goes like this.
Ouch.
‘Always, always, always do a factory reset on electronics you sell or give away. Protects your information and saves you from embarrassing situations.’ tony7914 ‘The best part is that you’ll be reliving this story for the entirety of your adult life at family get-togethers.’ handlessuck
Someone also took the time to offer some reassurance too, which was nice.
‘That sucks and is terribly humiliating but just realize you’ll either have to deal with the taunting for a bit until it dies down, which it should pretty quickly, or just continue avoiding which is going to make things more awkward. Honestly, if you go into it kinda like yeah that happened, that’s what I like, so what? Just be indifferent to it all. You can definitely be apologetic for not deleting it correctly. That also may be why some are mad about it because a young girl saw everything. It will all blow over.’stefannystrange
READ MORE
A bad choice of snack led to a fart so toxic it shut down a job
Source Reddit u/JustaYeetingMat Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-27--70 years after it happened, people are applauding Marilyn Monroe’s perfect comeback

You ’ d be hard pushed to nominate this for comeback of the week because it happened the thick end @ @ @ @ @ it definitely stands the test of time .
Some people were hard to impress though @ @ @ @ @ story wasn ’ t quite so straightforward .
Here ’ s what Squidlypants had to @ @ @ @ @ I read back when I was an obsessive fan in my teens and reading her @ @ @ @ @ actually someone commenting that she could even make a potato sack look sexy , but @ @ @ @ @ this story and I don ’ t know which one is true .
’

Pics
You’d be hard pushed to nominate this for comeback of the week because it happened the thick end of 70 years ago but it definitely stands the test of time.
Actions speak louder than words,’ writes u/playhy on Reddit.
‘That’s fuck-you level of beauty,’ said fellow Redditor, mufassil.
Some people were hard to impress though.
‘A well-tailored and ajusted sack potato, just sayin’ that’s not your regular sack potato,’ said aPec5.
And others reckoned the story wasn’t quite so straightforward.
Here’s what Squidlypants had to say.
‘The version I read back when I was an obsessive fan in my teens and reading her biographies was that it was actually someone commenting that she could even make a potato sack look sexy, but there are different versions of this story and I don’t know which one is true.’
READ MORE
Marilyn Monroe saves the day
Source Reddit u/playhy


thepoke--2020-01-27--People have been sharing the most amazing stories about their ancestors – 23 favourites

It all began when someone called @ Irish_Atheist on Twitter asked people to share the most amazing stories about their @ @ @ @ @ a whole bunch of incredible stories which made us want to do more research into @ @ @ @ @ to ( though they ’ d be hard pushed to beat this lot ) .

Twitter
It all began when someone called @Irish_Atheist on Twitter asked people to share the most amazing stories about their ancestors.
Tell me about a super-cool thing one of your ancestors/older family members did. — The Irish Atheist (@Irish_Atheist) January 21, 2020
And it prompted a whole bunch of incredible stories which made us want to do more research into what our ancestors got up to (though they’d be hard pushed to beat this lot).
1.
1/x My Irish mother was the oldest child of two alcoholic parents. When just a little girl, she dropped out of school to take care of her tiny siblings. She never went back to school but ran the household until she turned 18, when she left home. Her younger brother took on duties — Halfway to Galway (@GranularityRUs) January 22, 2020
2.
2/x When I was 4, my mother would sit with me as I learned to read. When I didn’t know a word, I would find it in the dictionary, we’d read the definition together, and she would explain it to me. I didn’t know until years later that she was learning to read along with me. — Halfway to Galway (@GranularityRUs) January 22, 2020
3.
My grandmother, a 15 yr old daughter of a dalit farm labourer, rebelled against an entire village, faced stone pelting and worse for her education. She demanded that my grandfather hold up their wedding until she was done (which took 10 yrs) & made an entire generation of doctors https://t.co/u85HEHqO7W — M (@unkittenish) January 25, 2020
4.
During the depression my grandfather had a friend who was offered two jobs: one at Ford the other at Chrysler. He took the better job at Ford; my grandfather took the one at Chrysler. Worked under his friend’s name for 30 years until retirement. Gravestone lists both names. — “Subpeona Bolton @GOP” Rawgabbit 🐶 (@OleRawgabbit) January 22, 2020
5.
During the occupation of Norway, one of my grand-uncles had to smuggle radio equipment past a Nazi checkpoint. When the guards asked him what he had in his backpack he said "Oh, you know – radio equipment for the resistance!" which was such an outrageous joke they let him pass https://t.co/EiEq9uoKaC — Thåum? (@ThaumPenguin) January 23, 2020
6.
My papa saved someone on the side of the highway while working the “worst accident of his career” as a police officer. A young girl had her wind pipe collapsed. He used a pen to keep her “breathing” till paramedics got there. She later graduated college with my mom. — Witchy Riley ♿ ♋♋♋ (@WittyApothecary) January 21, 2020
7.
Even cooler: my papa was at the ceremony and he and the girl he saved recognised each other. She had a massive scar across her throat from where he’d had to cut her open to get the pen in, but was otherwise 100% perfect. — Witchy Riley ♿ ♋♋♋ (@WittyApothecary) January 21, 2020
8.
One of my ancestors, Rudolf, while he was still a count, offered his horse to a priest to transport the Blessed Sacrament. 1273 he was King in the Holy Roman Empire. The rest, as they say, is history https://t.co/Z3UypJwQtF — Eduard Habsburg (@EduardHabsburg) January 24, 2020
9.
Great Grandpa lived in a town that was abt to be invaded by Nazis during WWII. Knowing the Nazis would commander all vehicles, he took apart his truck & buried the pieces & barrels of fuel in different locations. After the war, he dug it up & had the only working vehicle in town. — “Probably Some Malarkey” Ugh (@ContrarySarie) January 23, 2020
10.
1/x My great-granddaddy was the first Black man in his town to own a brand new Cadillac. Paid for it in cash. When he brought it home, the white man that owned the gas station said, “Hey there Mack, I hear you got a new car. Real nice. Where you gonna get your gas?” — Hermioneisha Granger (@SerieuseBlack) January 25, 2020
11.
My aunt fought for accessibility in the 80s/90s. She used a wheelchair as a mobility aide and would chain herself to inaccessible public busses. One time she was arrested for this, the cops were unable to transport her chair and were forced to let her go. She never backed down. pic.twitter.com/G7cH9ZJBs8 — ✨emily d’internet✨ (@emilyherself) January 23, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-01-27--People are trolling Philip Pullman over his Brexit 50p boycott and he’s taking them down one at a ti

People are trolling Philip Pullman over his Brexit 50p boycott and he’s taking them down one at a time

His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman isn ’ t the only person who ’ s not happy with the so-called @ @ @ @ @ he is amongst the most famous ( and vocal ) about it .
The novelist @ @ @ @ @ his displeasure about the coin , and in particular the absence of this .
There @ @ @ @ @ agreeing with him .
People like this person , for instance .
But there were @ @ @ @ @ took issue with Pullman , and he took them down one tweet at a time @ @ @ @ @ , although Pullman was happy to put them right as well .
But if you @ @ @ @ @ about Oxford commas , you ain ’ t seen nothin ’ yet .
The Brexit @ @ @ @ @ land and these 15 people aren ’ t keen on the change

Twitter
His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman isn’t the only person who’s not happy with the so-called Brexit 50p piece, but he is amongst the most famous (and vocal) about it.
The novelist took to Twitter to vent his displeasure about the coin, and in particular the absence of this.
The 'Brexit' 50p coin is missing an Oxford comma, and should be boycotted by all literate people. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
‘The ‘Brexit’ 50p coin is missing an Oxford comma, and should be boycotted by all literate people.’
There was no shortage of people agreeing with him. People like this person, for instance.
Not perhaps the only objection, but the lack of a comma after “prosperity” is killing me. pic.twitter.com/ZCN6Zt45cH — Stig Abell (@StigAbell) 26 January 2020
But there were also lots of people who took issue with Pullman, and he took them down one tweet at a time.
Where are the Cambridge commas, I'd like to know. — Ashley Reynolds (@AshleyBbD) 26 January 2020
In the same place as your question mark. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
One of the most divisive linguistic devices in the English language and surely optional? — Nichola Lashmar (@nichola_lashmar) January 26, 2020
Only if you think your readers don't deserve clarity. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) January 26, 2020
But we’re British goddammit and we don’t use the Oxford comma!!!😉 — Charlotte D 🇬🇧🇪🇺🔸 (@ldnewbie1974) 26 January 2020
Well, you should. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
The Oxford comma is an indulgence of one printing press and is not correct grammar in UK English. "No-one" has heard of it. You are simply showing off. — Alan Saunders✋trying to be fair (@Alan_Saunders57) 26 January 2020
Nothing to do with grammar. It's a matter of orthography. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
I rest my case, as they say. Pompous arse. Look up what orthography is, you may be surprised. — Alan Saunders✋trying to be fair (@Alan_Saunders57) January 26, 2020
Your case is resting by itself. It's going nowhere. The presence or absence of a comma is nothing whatever to do with grammar, but everything to do with the conventions of written language. Orthography. Dimwit. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) January 26, 2020
Others just had questions, although Pullman was happy to put them right as well.
Is the Pullman “Grammar, punctuation, and correct useage” volume going to be in print soon? A nation expects and needs. — Paul Blezard (@PaulBlezard) 26 January 2020
Usage. Thank you, Paul. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
I had two English teachers, one would mark you down for using an Oxford comma, and the other would mark you down if you didn't. It got a little confusing… — Harry Allen (@Harrysimonallen) January 26, 2020
One of them was wrong, and the other was right. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) January 26, 2020
But if you think he’s grumpy about Oxford commas, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
But worse even than comma misuse is the advertiser's habit of using adjectives as nouns, as in 'Find your happy', provoking most justly my wrath and indignation against them. — Philip Pullman (@PhilipPullman) 26 January 2020
READ MORE
The Brexit 50p coin is about to land and these 15 people aren’t keen on the change


thepoke--2020-01-27--Simply 23 very funny nicknames that people ended up with at work

It all started when the great @ jamieeast asked this on Twitter .
And it turned out people had lots @ @ @ @ @ very funny – workplace nicknames to share .
Here are our favourites .

Twitter
It all started when the great @jamieeast asked this on Twitter.
‘What’s the best nickname a work colleague of yours has got? My favourite is one I heard Johnny Vaughan talk about – one place called a lad Levi’s because he always went home at 5:01.’
And it turned out people had lots of very inventive – and very funny – workplace nicknames to share. Here are our favourites.
1.
My husband is a southerner living in Yorkshire. He also has a glass eye. His Barnsley workmates call him ‘the London eye’. — Laura Aurora (@MrsLauraAurora) January 25, 2020
2.
Mate used to work with a bloke called Dave that had a tic that made him lift both arms above his head. They called him Mexican Dave. — Pete Bell (@RealPeteBell) January 25, 2020
3.
A bloke who had one leg shorter than the other creating quite a limp at a place I worked was nicknamed ” snipers nightmare “ — Paul Fisher (@pickwick1978) January 25, 2020
4.
Guy I worked with ordered an Arborio rice based dish at a steak restaurant during his first week and was called risotto for the next 6 years — Joe Greco (@greco_joe) January 25, 2020
5.
We had a guy that used to work with us that half of his left ear was missing. We called him ‘18 months’ as he only had an ear and a half. — Neil Fisher (@fatfish59) January 25, 2020
6.
Guy I worked with was called Gary Gray. His nickname was Gary Anagram. — Simon Duffy (@thedufmeister) January 25, 2020
7.
Surely the tale of a colleague called Wayne Bruce. Known as ManBat. — Paul Sculpher (@PaulSculpher) January 25, 2020
8.
A dock workers son got a job on the docks in Liverpool and he told him to keep his mouth shut on his first day at work, otherwise he’d get given a nickname.
The next day they nick-named him “The Quiet Man.” https://t.co/59E8tPg4L7 — Plink2 (@plinketyplink2) January 26, 2020
9.
Slightly unrelated but there was a footballer called Fitz Hall who’s nickname was I believe One Size. — Ben Patterson (@BenPatterson1) January 25, 2020
10.
Campbell Baxter: Two Soups — Gordon Smart (@gordonsmart) January 25, 2020
11.
I’ve got a mate called Mambo because he once lived at Number 5 — Daz Midgley (@omicdaz) January 25, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-01-28--‘This is the greatest TV moment of the year’

It ’ s early days we know but over on Twitter @ I_Dont_Know_Her reckons this might be the TV moment @ @ @ @ @ might be right .
It was an exchange on ITV ’ s This Morning – @ @ @ @ @ in which 80 y/o goes Iris Jones shared the story of her relationship with her @ @ @ @ @ 55 years her junior .
And it went something like this .
These filthy kids @ @ @ @ @ Phil and Holly ’ s reaction makes it even better

Pics
It’s early days we know but over on Twitter @I_Dont_Know_Her reckons this might be the TV moment of the year and they might be right.
It was an exchange on ITV’s This Morning – of course it was – in which 80 y/o Iris Jones shared the story of her relationship with her toy boy lover, some 55 years her junior.
And it went something like this.
This is the greatest TV Moment of the year pic.twitter.com/cOLxxa22Tr — I DON'T KNOW HER (@I_Dont_Know_Her) January 28, 2020
Once heard, never unheard.
"Can I say we used a whole tube of KY Jelly?" Get this woman her own show now https://t.co/l37z7xB6Ex — Camilla Long (@camillalong) January 28, 2020
*Other lubricants are available — Nettle Jelly (@nettlejelly) January 28, 2020
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1222120095796924416
READ MORE
These filthy kids’ drawings are funny but Phil and Holly’s reaction makes it even better
Source @I_Dont_Know_Her @ThisMorning


thepoke--2020-01-28--Simply 21 lovely tributes to Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons, who has died aged 96

Sad news today that Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons has died at the age of 96 .
The broadcaster @ @ @ @ @ 4 panel show since it began in 1967 , passed away after a short illness @ @ @ @ @ Tuesday .
And pretty much the entire internet was paying tribute to the great man @ @ @ @ @ his career , and just what a lovely bloke he was .

Twitter
Sad news today that Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons has died at the age of 96.
The broadcaster, who presented the Radio 4 panel show since it began in 1967, passed away after a short illness, his agent said on Tuesday.
And pretty much the entire internet was paying tribute to the great man, celebrating his life, his career, and just what a lovely bloke he was.
1.
Oh no. Nicholas Parsons gone? He ruled Just a Minute for Just a Lifetime. A stunning achievement: never scripted, always immaculate. From comedian's sidekick to great institution, via Sale of the Century & much more. Unrivalled continuity, professionalism & commitment. Farewell x — Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) January 28, 2020
2.
RIP Nicholas Parsons.I was 21 when we first worked together and I will never forget how welcoming he was to me and others like me.He was a born performer who lived to be on stage and never lost his love of being infront of a crowd. A true gent.He will be greatly missed. — Ross Noble (@realrossnoble) January 28, 2020
3.
No more hesitation, repetition or deviation. RIP Nicholas Parsons. pic.twitter.com/FjpQT4hUfc — Damon Evans (@damocrat) January 28, 2020
4.
The sound of the final whistle. Nicholas Parsons was truly the kindest and most generous person I’ve ever worked with. His continued delight at being a part of show business should be an inspiration to us all! Huge love to his wife Annie and his whole family. #ripnicholasparsons — graham norton (@grahnort) January 28, 2020
5.
96, Nicholas Parsons! What a very good go indeed. *Almost* still talking when the buzzer went… — Ian Martin (@IanMartin) January 28, 2020
6.
At the Chortle Awards 2016, the room was cacophonous, everyone was talking over the winners as usual, all night, until Nicholas Parsons won an award, and a reverent hush fell over the whole room followed by a thunderous standing ovation. Even drunk comics know true quality. #RIP — Rachel Parris (@rachelparris) January 28, 2020
7.
May all his obituaries be free from hesitation, repetition and deviation. RIP to the wonderful Nicholas Parsons https://t.co/wgQ6BT7j7T — Julia Macfarlane (@juliamacfarlane) January 28, 2020
8.
Years ago I was due to do Just A Minute and had to cancel at the last minute because of Unexpected Developments in the run up to the birth of one of my kids. The next day, Nicholas Parsons called to make sure everything was all right and ask if we needed anything. RIP, you gent. — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) January 28, 2020
9.
Instead of a minute's silence, you must now talk about Nicholas Parsons for one minute and you know the rules. — Robin Ince (@robinince) January 28, 2020
10.
Dear Nicholas Parsons RIP. So clever, funny and generous. I thought he, and the twinkle in his eyes, would go on forever. What a remarkable life and career. — Julian Clary (@JulianClary) January 28, 2020
11.
Without hesitation, deviation or repetition I’d like to say that Nicholas Parsons was a broadcasting giant who proved that the straight man could be the real star of comedy. Will be hugely missed by all who work at & love @BBCRadio4 https://t.co/8r2hyMMXRY — Nick Robinson (@bbcnickrobinson) January 28, 2020
12.
Heartbroken. I was thrilled to have been able to work with Nicholas Parsons on Good Omens. I sort of directed him, but the direction was basically "You're Nicholas Parsons so do that." Kind and professional and a pleasure to work with. So sad. https://t.co/gR5IFtnbak — Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 28, 2020
13.
The end of an era. Nicholas Parsons was such a lovely man – and so versatile: actor, entertainer, writer, TV star & radio host without equal, but for me, most of all, friend. I knew him for more than 50 years: he was simply the best. Thinking of his wonderful wife Annie & family. pic.twitter.com/p1Dl1rWqfJ — Gyles Brandreth (@GylesB1) January 28, 2020
14.
Farewell to Nicholas Parsons after an unbelievable innings both life and work-wise. If even HE isn’t immortal I’m starting to wonder who is. — Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) January 28, 2020
15.
He felt like one of those tremendously reassuring figures who formed a link from your childhood to adulthood. A constant. Like he'd be there forever. — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) January 28, 2020
16.
Nicholas Parsons has passed away. Just last year, at the age of 95, after winning a lifetime achievement awards at the Broadcasting Press Guild Awards, he did a 20 minute impromptu comedic routine with joke after joke after joke. He had the whole room’s attention. What a guy. — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 28, 2020
17.
When I was 19 I saw Nicholas Parsons on the street as he was going into @TheStage New Year party. I bounded up to him and said hello. He was the kindest man, I said I was trying to make it in the arts and he told me to stand behind him and he’d smuggle me into the party… — Maddy Anholt (@maddy_anholt) January 28, 2020
18.
Sad
CPS staff awards – I invited Nicholas Parsons to host but then was advised public wouldn’t like paying their money or having a celebrity
I told him to stand down, he refused, saying he would do it for nothing
I said no again, he then threatened to sue me to work for nothing! https://t.co/JOJKN1mF0O — nazir afzal (@nazirafzal) January 28, 2020
19.
So sad to learn of the death of Nicholas Parsons, though at 96 it was a pretty impressive innings. I last saw him a year ago and he was in great form. A more friendly, generous, polite and solicitous person you could not hope to meet. — Andrew Neil (@afneil) January 28, 2020
20.
What a wonderful career Nicholas Parsons had. A couple of years ago, when he was a mere 94 years old, he told me: 'I will endeavour to keep going as long as I’ve got the mental stamina and the ability to perform.” And he did. Pretty much, right to the end.https://t.co/oKdDsaLU62 — Simon Hattenstone (@shattenstone) January 28, 2020
21.
Just to say. Anyone who retweets the news of Nicholas Parsons’ death will be guilty of repetition. That is all. — Nev Fountain (@Nevfountain) January 28, 2020
22.
So sad to hear Nicholas Parsons has passed away. I’ve loved Just a Minute for years – since sitting in the car with my mum waiting for my sister to finish her piano lesson, right up till the most recent series, sitting + waiting for my kids to finish theirs. What a legend. — Ben Shephard (@benshephard) January 28, 2020
23.
RIP Nicholas Parsons.


thepoke--2020-01-28--People thought the BBC’s Brexit Bulldog was a bit barking – our 12 favourite responses

As Brexit looms , a lot of people are wondering how things will change , and whether it will make @ @ @ @ @ so the BBC stepped up with this skillful bit of photo-editing .
People had questions @ @ @ @ @ Not all the reactions were in the form of questions – people had a few @ @ @ @ @ .
In a slight tweak of the question to which he has yet to receive @ @ @ @ @ of his LBC callers , James O ’ Brien asked … The Express accidentally used @ @ @ @ @ passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph

Twitter
As Brexit looms, a lot of people are wondering how things will change, and whether it will make Mark Francois go away, so the BBC stepped up with this skillful bit of photo-editing.
We’re leaving the EU this Friday.
Our Brexit bulldog will answer your questions.
What would you like to know about Brexit? pic.twitter.com/dsDjblapEv — BBC London (@BBCLondonNews) January 28, 2020
People had questions …not all about Brexit.
1.
“Any questions?”
Hands go up
“Any questions that aren’t about why the dog is green?”
Hands go down https://t.co/YR9X3cSXbJ — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 28, 2020
2.
what is wrong with this dog https://t.co/8RanKaIGN5 — Dr Charlotte Lydia Riley (@lottelydia) January 28, 2020
3.
Feel duty bound on behalf of Dead Ringers to point out that there is only one Brexit Bulldog, David Davis the Master Negotiator. But putting that to one side for a moment…WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS THIS??? https://t.co/a2qK2RYf5p — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) January 28, 2020
4.
This bulldog is fucked on drugs. How will it negotiate rules of origin? https://t.co/OJ1PP3XNIR — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) January 28, 2020
5.
Is the dog eating a Kraft cheese slice? — joe heenan (@joeheenan) 28 January 2020
6.
Why are there bubbles?? — David Sargent (@BikeMadDad) 28 January 2020
7.
• When will the Russia Report be released?
• Can you name one tangible benefit?
• Why are so many Twitter accounts with long strings of numbers in their names so aggressively pro-Brexit? — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) 28 January 2020
8.
Ok 3 questions. Question 1
Which brand of dog food has the highest nutritional value? Question 2
Can I make penicillin in a bathtub? Question 3
Finally..which city will be the first to adopt cannibalism? pic.twitter.com/ykUh5uS84F — Vinnie Cocozza Ph.D 🦄🏴🇮🇹🇪🇺 (@vcocozza76) 28 January 2020
9.
As a symbolic gesture, someone had decapitated a bulldog and thrown its decomposing head in a canal. This is all you need to know about Brexit. https://t.co/3yNgQIJLCt — Richard Littler (@richard_littler) January 28, 2020
Not all the reactions were in the form of questions – people had a few statements to make, too.
10.
The photo of this dog was taken in 2007. The life expectancy of a British Bulldog is 8-10 years, so the dog in the picture is almost certainly dead. Perfect.https://t.co/sr3x6nCC6P — AJ Jefferies (@moonjam) 28 January 2020
11.
This bulldog looks as healthy as the whole Brexit process https://t.co/OWg5XKwSXu — Jono (@jonoread) January 28, 2020
12.
In a slight tweak of the question to which he has yet to receive a credible answer from any of his LBC callers, James O’Brien asked …
READ MORE
The Express accidentally used a photo of a joke passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph
Source BBC Image BBC, @thedolapo on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-28--Someone just invented a reusable tissue and everyone’s making the same point

In the battle to cut down on single use products there are lots of sensible things you can do – @ @ @ @ @ the coffee shop rather than using a takeaway one , stuff like that .
But @ @ @ @ @ cutting back on single use tissues might not be quite so revolutionary as they appear @ @ @ @ @ And they have , they really have .
That last line about deforestation ‘ putting @ @ @ @ @ is making us think it ’ s not entirely serious .
Either that or it @ @ @ @ @ we first thought .

Pics
In the battle to cut down on single use products there are lots of sensible things you can do – take your own cup to the coffee shop rather than using a takeaway one, stuff like that.
But this so-called invention aimed at cutting back on single use tissues might not be quite so revolutionary as they appear to think it is.
Tech has disrupted by inventing… handkerchiefs? They’ve discovered handkerchiefs. pic.twitter.com/HWrgmY5hmG — Sam Sharma (@s3rioussam) January 27, 2020
And they have, they really have.
That last line about deforestation ‘putting the issue in tissue’ is making us think it’s not entirely serious. Either that or it’s way worse than we first thought.
They just created renting too pic.twitter.com/dQeF40F6z3 — Dylan Quigley (@DylanNQuigley) January 28, 2020
Wait until they invent a dispenser built into your clothing, they could call it a “pocket” — Jack Daniel (@jack_daniel) January 28, 2020
But not for women. If women’s clothes get pockets – that WOULD be disruptive. — marc r (@theunixwizard) January 28, 2020
“Single use.” Pshaw. These people have never had a toddler with a cold. — Dan Brown (he/him) (@brownorama) January 27, 2020
READ MORE
12 brilliantly unnecessary inventions
Source