thepoke--2020-03-08--14 fantastic tweets to mark International Women’s Day

March 8th is International Women ’ s Day , which is dedicated to women everywhere – their achievements and their @ @ @ @ @ International ‘ Richard Herring Answering Men Who Ask When Is International Men ’ s Day @ @ @ @ @ money for a women ’ s refuge charity .
Of course , women take precedence @ @ @ @ @ like the big deal it is , with serious tweets like these : But there @ @ @ @ @ , and we ’ ve gathered some of those too , because – let ’ @ @ @ @ @ could all do with a laugh .

Twitter
March 8th is International Women’s Day, which is dedicated to women everywhere – their achievements and their struggles. It coincides with International ‘Richard Herring Answering Men Who Ask When Is International Men’s Day’ Day, which makes money for a women’s refuge charity.
Insert coins here to keep this game going – https://t.co/K6wMQh4FAB
Or if you don’t use PayPal last year’s page is still open – https://t.co/OISSWyZNkI — Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) March 8, 2020
Of course, women take precedence, and Twitter treats it like the big deal it is, with serious tweets like these:
As my mother always used to say, “you may be the first to do many things, but make sure you are not the last.” On #InternationalWomensDay, let’s recognize the sacrifices of all the extraordinary women who came before us and continue their fight for equality and representation. — Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) March 8, 2020
Today is #InternationalWomensDay — a day to recognize the challenges women have overcome, the progress that has been made, and the fight that lies ahead. We stand on the shoulders of the women before us and will continue the fight for equality. — Amy Klobuchar (@amyklobuchar) March 8, 2020
"To those who can’t see the point of International Women’s Day: you are the very reason it exists." — aa (@aidaazlin_) March 8, 2020
But there are also less serious posts, and we’ve gathered some of those too, because – let’s face it, we could all do with a laugh.
1.
It’s international women’s day so if any guy pulls the “not all men” shit in a woman’s mentions today he needs to venmo her $50 — The Profane Feminist (@ProfaneFeminist) March 8, 2020
2.
Excited to start #InternationalWomensDay as I always do: yelling ‘WHERE IS MY PRESENT??’ at my boyfriend while he panics — Lauren Bravo (@laurenbravo) March 8, 2020
3.
– i too dream of a time when gender inequality is but a chapter in the book of history.
– don’t try and take this f**king day away from me nigel…#InternationalWomensDay pic.twitter.com/SUbxfktEP7 — forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) March 8, 2020
4.
I used to believe in International Women's Day… then I realised it was just my dad sneaking into my room, dressed as an International Woman. — Neil (@_Enanem_) March 8, 2020
5.
Women get one day.
Pies get a whole week.#InternationalWomensDay #BritishPieWeek — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 8, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-03-09--This driver’s posed a real dilemma for the traffic police

We very much doubt that this driver can be sure to get away with whatever traffic violation he ’ s @ @ @ @ @ s certainly not making things easy for the police officer .
That cop better have @ @ @ @ @ sanitizer !
He might be in trouble .
If they can prove he isn ’ @ @ @ @ @ ll be the driver who needs extra toilet roll .
This drunk man ’ s @ @ @ @ @ is as funny as it is ill-fated

Pics
We very much doubt that this driver can be sure to get away with whatever traffic violation he’s committed, but he’s certainly not making things easy for the police officer.
As KillerJr1999 pointed out,
That cop better have his toilet paper and hand sanitizer! He might be in trouble.
If they can prove he isn’t infected, it’ll be the driver who needs extra toilet roll.
READ MORE
This drunk man’s attempt to escape the police is as funny as it is ill-fated
Source r/Funny Image r/Funny, @jangottweiss on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-09--Scientists say masturbation can help people fight the coronavirus – 7 handy responses

Whilst all the current advice to prevent the spread of Covid-19 is to wash hands well and frequently , with @ @ @ @ @ study has shown another avenue .
How did they discover this ?
Does it really @ @ @ @ @ are people too busy at home to jump on a bus and catch everyone ’ @ @ @ @ @ wash their hands before they handed over their findings ?
The Twitter reactions got a @ @ @ @ @ so we narrowed it down to our favourites .
Anaesthetist and funny tweeter , Dave @ @ @ @ @ dots .
That ’ s going to make us look at stockpilers in a whole @ @ @ @ @ t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these 19 @ @

Twitter
Whilst all the current advice to prevent the spread of Covid-19 is to wash hands well and frequently, with soap and water, a study has shown another avenue.
Masturbation boosts your immune system and raises your white blood cell count, helping you fight off infection and illness: https://t.co/NH8QmrLw7P pic.twitter.com/9XzaI5FnvJ — Big Think (@bigthink) March 5, 2020
How did they discover this? Does it really boost the immune system or are people too busy at home to jump on a bus and catch everyone’s germs? Did they wash their hands before they handed over their findings?
The Twitter reactions got a bit out of hand, so we narrowed it down to our favourites.
1.
That's it. I'm off to Wuhan without a face mask. https://t.co/o8OnYp56uV — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 7, 2020
2.
HA! I’m going to print this out and send it to everyone who said I ‘ruined the whole funeral’. https://t.co/0TyiBH7VXA — Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) March 7, 2020
3.
So basically to avoid the virus you have to >Be a shut-in
>Have no social contact
>Masturbate all day Damn weebs really being favorited by nature huh https://t.co/yB72a4ct5u — Karen-chan 玉子 🌸 (@FireSisterBee) March 8, 2020
4.
Cut to the CDC briefing
“Ask not what your country can do for you . Ask what you can do for your country” https://t.co/Mrjqds7wyM — Diedrich Bader (@bader_diedrich) March 7, 2020
5.
Not even 9:30 and I'm having to tell people they can't wank away coronavirus how's your Saturday going? pic.twitter.com/kMxhDczCW5 — James (@jrawson) March 7, 2020
6.
In the interests of keeping myself healthy for the good of the country, I will be dedicating several hours to boosting my immune system today. https://t.co/39rt5m0XUt — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 8, 2020
7.
Is anyone else really struggling to jerk off to the coronavirus? It’s like a 7 at best https://t.co/VYvJWMmeCd — Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) March 8, 2020
Anaesthetist and funny tweeter, Dave Jones, joined up some dots.
Explains why people are panic buying toilet paper then. https://t.co/3iL6L2pwAF — Dave Jones 🏴🏳🌈 (@WelshGasDoc) March 7, 2020
That’s going to make us look at stockpilers in a whole new light.
READ MORE
Don’t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these 19 funny takes
Source Twitter Image @raphiella and @cdc on Unsplash,


thepoke--2020-03-09--This incident with a school tunnel is a lot of cautionary tales in one

Twitter user spur.of.the.moment shared a question they ’ d spotted on Reddit , which might be one of the most @ @ @ @ @ .
Most of us went to school , right ?
Just about everybody has “ @ @ @ @ @ is why there were hundreds of responses to the tweet , but one in particular @ @ @ @ @ Lines ‘ incident was like no other we ’ ve seen , and it ’ @ @ @ @ @ because – just read it .
It started off with some natural curiosity .
However @ @ @ @ @ and a very unwise plot was hatched .
With not much common sense on show @ @ @ @ @ enough to do some planning .
And down they went … It was kind of @ @ @ @ @ down a tunnel – under a school .
Things were bound to have crept in @ @ @ @

Twitter
Twitter user spur.of.the.moment shared a question they’d spotted on Reddit, which might be one of the most relatable we’ve seen.
Most of us went to school, right? Just about everybody has “an incident”, which is why there were hundreds of responses to the tweet, but one in particular caught our attention.
Dean Lines‘ incident was like no other we’ve seen, and it’s just as well, because – just read it.
It started off with some natural curiosity.
When I was like 14, me and a few mates would “wag” French class and hide out in the soundproof drum room until lunch time. This went on for a few weeks when one day we discovered a “trap door” beneath the carpet tiled floor under the drum kit. We of course opened the trap door.. https://t.co/GoO8ym6L2M — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
Turned out it was an access hatch to a series of small tunnels giving access to the heating pipes that ran around the school. Small but big enough to get on our hands and knees and crawl around a bit. On the first day we only got about 50 meters before turning back. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
However, greed kicked in, and a very unwise plot was hatched.
We were all filthy from doing it but it was a thrill being UNDERNEATH classrooms and hearing lessons going on above us. That’s when I had an idea that become an obsession… you see our high school was horse shoe shaped. Symmetrical. Every room on one wing had a direct opposite. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
And the opposite room to the sound proof drum room on the other side of the horse shoe? THE VENDING MACHINE STORE ROOM! And I figured if there was an access hatch in the drum room.. there would be one in its mirrror. This one leading to an Aladin’s cave chocolate and sweets. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
IT WOULD BE THE PERFECT HIEST. The door locked. We’d rock up from beneath the floor grab as much as we can and sneak back out. Only problem was we had to make it the full length of the entire horse shoe shaped building to get there. Crawl under dozens of classrooms and offices. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
With not much common sense on show, they at least had enough to do some planning.
We planned this shit like a military operation. Took us 3 weeks. Figuring out how far it was (about a quarter mile) how long it would take to crawl it on hands and knees. We had torches, changes of cloths, bags and even a knife should we have to cut through the carpet to get in. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
And down they went …
So the day comes. There were six of us. One would stay in the drum room to keep an eye on the door while the others would head into the tunnels figuring we could get in and out inside of a 45 minute lesson, stash the sweets and be in our next class creating an “alibi”. If needed — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
So off we went. I was second in line with my mate Matty just ahead and three behind me. Matty was first as he had one of those torches on a headband. I had some giant upright fake army thing that was weak as shit. Right away things were off. The heating was now on for one thing. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
It was kind of thrilling …
It was off the first time we were down there. Now we had red hot pipes running along side us inches from our face. What started out with nervous giggling and hushed jokes was now serious as a heart attack and kind of scary. We were like 10 minutes deep and under the science labs — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
We could hear a science lesson going on above as we turned the first “corner” losing all sight of the drum room trap door.. and that’s when Matty’s headband torch ran out of batteries… I had to give him mine to continue. We moved on. About five minutes later it.. happened. — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020
But they were down a tunnel – under a school. Things were bound to have crept in there to die.
I felt my hand push into something wet and soggy. Now these were concrete tunnels. Up until now it had been bone dry and dusty. I get George behind me to shine his torch by my left hand to see what It was..IT WAS A DEAD FOX. I had pushed my hand through its rotting chest cavity — Dean Lines (@deanlines) March 7, 2020


thepoke--2020-03-09--Stop everything and watch this award-winning German advert – it’ll blow your mind

Back in 2007 and 2008 , an advert won some awards for creativity , and we ’ re not a @ @ @ @ @ s recently surfaced on Twitter , and your mission – should you choose to accept @ @ @ @ @ sure everybody watches it .
The two-minute masterpiece features French actor , Guillaume Delaunay , @ @ @ @ @ , Stonehearst Asylum and the Harry Hill Movie , as well as much more .
@ @ @ @ @ in less than two days , it ’ s clearly gaining some traction , with @ @ @ @ @ this comment from Jon Brock , with which we absolutely agree .
So , here @ @ @ @ @ larger format .

Videos
Back in 2007 and 2008, an advert won some awards for creativity, and we’re not a bit surprised. It’s recently surfaced on Twitter, and your mission – should you choose to accept it – is to make sure everybody watches it.
It’s been brought to my attention not every single human being has had the privilege of watching this phenomenal German commercial. It deserves a goddamn Oscar imho pic.twitter.com/vc5SqUOPhj — Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) March 7, 2020
Mind-blowing. Pun intended.
The two-minute masterpiece features French actor, Guillaume Delaunay, who was in Victor Frankenstein, Stonehearst Asylum and the Harry Hill Movie, as well as much more.
A big up to the 100+ new followers who keep coming after @thisdiegolopez post (thank you again sir !). Amazing ! Well deserved Mr W ! pic.twitter.com/EJeDEfaylk — Guillaume Delaunay (@GuiDelauActor) March 8, 2020
With almost 2.5 million views in less than two days, it’s clearly gaining some traction, with reactions like this.
Impact – tick. Communicates – tick. Persuasive – tick. All done in a clever, memorable way. (Seriously good ad, forget about awards ffs) https://t.co/Z8vZQTVeqT — dave trott (@davetrott) March 8, 2020
Good morning. This is a brilliant ad. https://t.co/tZzLdD81P4 — Joanne Freeman (@jbf1755) March 8, 2020
And this comment from Jon Brock, with which we absolutely agree.
One of those things where you watch it. Then you get it. And then you have to watch it again. https://t.co/LLCboAMlXW — Jon Brock (@DrBrocktagon) March 8, 2020
So, here it is again in a larger format.
READ MORE
‘Advertising done right’
Source @thisdiegolopez Image YouTube screengrabs


thepoke--2020-03-09--The only 5 reactions you need to the pig that pooped out a pedometer and started a fire

If this story hadn ’ t been reported by so many different sources , we ’ d have presumed it @ @ @ @ @ case involving outrageously fake news .
It ’ s not , though , because it @ @ @ @ @ pig crapped out a pedometer it had chewed from a sty-mate , which then started @ @ @ @ @ s how the BBC shared the news .
And this is how the North Yorkshire @ @ @ @ @ .
There may have been no pigs harmed , but minds were blown .
Nothing @ @ @ @ @ Sam Neill doing yoga with his pig

Weird World
If this story hadn’t been reported by so many different sources, we’d have presumed it was Exhibit A in a case involving outrageously fake news. It’s not, though, because it’s true – a pig crapped out a pedometer it had chewed from a sty-mate, which then started a fire.
Here’s how the BBC shared the news.
Pedometer-eating pig's poo starts farm fire https://t.co/NNc4b0Mzha — BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) March 8, 2020
And this is how the North Yorkshire Fire Service reported the incident.
13:37 Should be an oink not a tweet. Tadcaster and Knaresbororough firecrews attended a fire to 4 pigpens near Bramham. No pigs harmed. Cause of fire attributed to a battery powered pedometer carried by one of the pigs (to prove it was free-range), which was eaten by the other1/2 — North Yorkshire Fire & Rescue Service (@NorthYorksFire) March 7, 2020
2/2 …pigs. After nature had taken its course, it's believed that the copper from the batteries reacted with the pigpens contents and in conjunction with dry bedding, ignited burning approx. 75sqm of hay. A hosereel was used to extinguish the fire and save the bacon. — North Yorkshire Fire & Rescue Service (@NorthYorksFire) March 7, 2020
There may have been no pigs harmed, but minds were blown.
1.
The news just gets weirder and weirder.https://t.co/3EAsiDut65 — Judith (@aroundthehills) March 8, 2020
2.
Had to read this five times to understand it, the first four times I thought it was about paedophiles https://t.co/vHjbth8hw6 — No1 for old-school detective-based literature And (@JoeStephenson96) March 8, 2020
3.
Peter Piper Picked a https://t.co/dhSUj7QfZ2 — Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) March 8, 2020
4.
5.
Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should. pic.twitter.com/rcaKCI040d — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) March 8, 2020
Tobias Moretime had this tongue-in-cheek response.
🎶 Tale as old as time.. https://t.co/pD71Bo1OBD — Tobias Moretime (@daringreatlyish) March 8, 2020
That’s just not rashernal.
READ MORE
Nothing to see here – just Sam Neill doing yoga with his pig
Source BBC Image @russjenks999, @kennethparatodos on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-09--Donald Trump claims to be a natural virologist – 8 sick burns

The definition of the Dunning-Kruger effect in psychology is “ a cognitive bias in which people assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is.
” Thanks , Wiki .
Same time tomorrow , yeah ?
Cool .
The reason we ’ re mentioning this psychological phenomenon is that it ’ s probably the best explanation for Donald Trump .
The visit to the Center for Disease Control ( CDC ) was made more ironic by the fact that the President has slashed their budget , making it more difficult for them to respond to the current crisis .
He @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , had he entered that field , and it would have been the best disease …no other diseases would have done the numbers of the Trumpimonas richdickiensis .
As well as Alex ’ insightful comment , we very much enjoyed these .
Finally , Jeffrey Wright edited the clip to show what this CDC doctor thought of what he was hearing .
We really wish that naked emperor image hadn ’ t been put into our minds .
This American news network ’ s schoolboy error is so mind-numbingly dumb the entire internet @ @

News
The definition of the Dunning-Kruger effect in psychology is “a cognitive bias in which people assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is.” Thanks, Wiki. Same time tomorrow, yeah? Cool.
The reason we’re mentioning this psychological phenomenon is that it’s probably the best explanation for this clip of Donald Trump.
Here's Trump rambling at length about how smart he is and how well he understands public health pic.twitter.com/1Co6MaRkzl — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 6, 2020
The visit to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) was made more ironic by the fact that the President has slashed their budget, making it more difficult for them to respond to the current crisis.
Writer, actor and politically savvy tweeter, Alex Andreou paraphrased it perfectly.
“Maybe I should have done that instead of running for President”. “That” being becoming a professor of epidemiology. https://t.co/w5YsMYShCE — Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) March 7, 2020
He could have named a disease after himself, had he entered that field, and it would have been the best disease …no other diseases would have done the numbers of the Trumpimonas richdickiensis.
As well as Alex’ insightful comment, we very much enjoyed these.
1.
I’m not sure there’s a single emergency that @realDonaldTrump is less well-situated to handle than a public health crisis. He doesn’t value science.
He doesn’t value expertise.
He’s a germophobe.
He has no empathy.
He can’t admit mistakes.
All that matters is how it affects him. https://t.co/LyrmZUroHD — Steve Vladeck (@steve_vladeck) March 6, 2020
2.
If grandad were talking this nutty, you'd pour him another and help him tune the television machine to Green Acres. https://t.co/l3FsqDrwKu — Walter Shaub (@waltshaub) March 6, 2020
3.
The other people in this clip. I mean seriously. They work in disease control! To just stand there with the naked emperor and act normal. I couldn’t do it. People are so weird. https://t.co/GlDBlwrD3r — Shelagh Fogarty (@ShelaghFogarty) March 7, 2020
4
How is this man’s out-of-control delusional narcissism not massively alarming to everyone everywhere? https://t.co/vuoIHlJY7a — Paul Myers (@pulmyears) March 6, 2020
5.
The sheer stupidity of this man will be written about in history books for literal centuries. https://t.co/hjlsiJD5j1 — Hutch (@hutchinson) March 7, 2020
6.
One of the disturbing lessons of the Trump era is that human nature somehow compels all sorts of normal people who clearly and rightly think a powerful person is saying things that are insane to just stand there silently without any willingness to speak out against the insanity. https://t.co/htZ3eXAjmE — Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) March 7, 2020
7.
Paging Dr. Dunning and Dr. Kruger. You're both needed in the OR. https://t.co/phEAyRPBVi — Sam Harris (@SamHarrisOrg) March 7, 2020
8.
“I’m really an expert at the elements of medic. Many people are saying it. The best. All the elements are great, really really great. If it were up to me I’d have bought all the elements and solved this virus last week, but we’ll see what happens. Could be bad, could be good.” https://t.co/eZNvE2u167 — Liddle’ Savage (@littledeekay) March 6, 2020
Finally, Jeffrey Wright edited the clip to show what this CDC doctor thought of what he was hearing.
Watch a man's soul escape his body. pic.twitter.com/8FKwG9p7qU — Jeffrey Wright (@jfreewright) March 7, 2020
We really wish that naked emperor image hadn’t been put into our minds.
READ MORE
This American news network’s schoolboy error is so mind-numbingly dumb the entire internet facepalmed itself
Source Aaron Rupar Image Aaron Rupar, @cdc on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-09--Don’t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these 19 funny takes

The coronavirus has had an increasingly alarming effect worldwide .
Much of North Italy is in lockdown , China has @ @ @ @ @ activity , with citizens remaining isolated in their homes , and President Trump is pretending @ @ @ @ @ .
In the UK , people have been panic-buying the one thing they ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ up self-isolating …no , not alcohol – toilet paper .
One group in particular must @ @ @ @ @ glee – and not with hand sanitiser , because that ’ s sold out as @ @ @ @ @ ’ s loo rolls , it was all completely over the top .

Twitter
The coronavirus has had an increasingly alarming effect worldwide. Much of North Italy is in lockdown, China has endured weeks of minimal business activity, with citizens remaining isolated in their homes, and President Trump is pretending it’s a hoax.
via GIPHY
In the UK, people have been panic-buying the one thing they’ll desperately want if they end up self-isolating …no, not alcohol – toilet paper.
One group in particular must be rubbing their hands with glee – and not with hand sanitiser, because that’s sold out as well.
The toilet paper manafacturers are really cleaning up. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) March 7, 2020
Like some people’s loo rolls, it was all completely over the top.
1.
"Tom, how much do you need?"
"Two hundred and forty-two rolls."
"Aw, Tom, just enough to wipe your arse with til the panic's over"
"I'll take two hundred and forty-two rolls." pic.twitter.com/BxYEJw3Rr6 — Robert Peacock (@Peaky76) March 8, 2020
2.
Most valuable substances by weight, in increasing order of value: Beluga caviar
Gold
Platinum
Heroin
Methamphetamine
Crack cocaine
Rhino horn
Plutonium
Diamond
Californium
Hand sanitizer
Toilet paper — David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 7, 2020
3.
That bit at the end of Titanic when it's starting to sink & Leo looks Kate in the eyes & says
"We better get all the toilet paper"
Heartbreaking stuff — joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 8, 2020
4.
Not saying people are overreacting about coronavirus but my rich neighbour is stockpiling real puppies as Waitrose has run out of Andrex #toiletpaperpanic #coronvirusuk #coronavirus — Ben Turner Comedian (@benturnercomedy) March 7, 2020
5.
Later, my wife and I will head to Sainsbury's, where I might discover the answer to a question I have long pondered: am I prepared to kill for a 9-pack of soft, smooth Andrex Skin Kind with Aloe Vera? Reader, I think I am. — Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) March 8, 2020
6.
I’ve enjoyed the photos of supermarket shelves empty of any kind of pasta EXCEPT WHOLEMEAL. I expect people are wary of too much roughage what with the Great Toilet Roll Famine of 2020. — Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed)) (@ancientnmodern) March 7, 2020
7.
Normal schedule:
Breakfast
Coffee
Lunch
Dinner
Bed Panic buyers:
Breakfast
Shitting
Might go for a shit again
It’s shitting time
Lunch, to refill for some more shitting
Treating myself to a shit
Time for the main evening shitaroo — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 7, 2020
8.
9.
Britain: "We can survive anything, we are the greatest country" Also Britain: "Gotta panic buy bog roll because the papers said anyone with a cough is gonna explode" — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 7, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-03-09--Simply 4 killer takedowns after OJ Simpson shared his coronavirus fears on Twitter

OJ Simpson ’ s worried about coronavirus , by all accounts , and we know this because he shared a @ @ @ @ @ mask and buying supplies , lots of supplies .
And these 4 responses were simply @ @ @ @ @ tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment

Pics
OJ Simpson’s worried about coronavirus, by all accounts, and we know this because he shared a picture of himself wearing a mask and buying supplies, lots of supplies.
And these 4 responses were simply killer.
Can you kill the virus for us OJ? — YS (@YStijd) March 6, 2020
Statistically I may have a better chance of being killed by you than the virus — Ethan Klein (@h3h3productions) March 6, 2020
Should probably get some properly-fitting gloves, too. — David Mendelsohn (@BigBabyDavid_) March 6, 2020
I'm actually rooting for Coronavirus here — grit (@GRITknox) March 6, 2020
Simpson, as you probably won’t need reminding, was acquitted of the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman in a 1995 criminal trial.
A civil court jury later found him liable and he was ordered to pay $33.5m to the victims’ families.
READ MORE
Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment
Source Twitter @TheRealOJ32


thepoke--2020-03-09--This shop’s message to its valued customers perfectly captures where coronavirus panic buying is rig

This shop’s message to its valued customers perfectly captures where coronavirus panic buying is right now

As you will no doubt be aware by now , fears around coronavirus has prompted lots and lots of panic @ @ @ @ @ a particular focus of people ’ s attention .
And this retailer ’ s message @ @ @ @ @ ’ could be stuck up on shop windows up and down the country because it @ @ @ @ @ is right now .
It was shared on Twitter by @ NicolaJSwinney who said : @ @ @ @ @ 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for @ @

Pics
As you will no doubt be aware by now, fears around coronavirus has prompted lots and lots of panic buying, with toilet roll a particular focus of people’s attention.
And this retailer’s message to its ‘valued customers’ could be stuck up on shop windows up and down the country because it perfectly captures where the nation is right now.
It was shared on Twitter by @NicolaJSwinney who said: ‘Totally this.’
READ MORE
Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment
Source Twitter @NicolaJSwinney


thepoke--2020-03-09--Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a momen

Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment

As the nation readies itself for the very worst possible coronavirus scenario – by buying as much loo roll as @ @ @ @ @ should take your mind off the outside world for a moment or two .

Popular
As the nation readies itself for the very worst possible coronavirus scenario – by buying as much loo roll as possible – these 17 tweets should take your mind off the outside world for a moment or two.
1.
Working on not touching my face 🙂 pic.twitter.com/qfyNdrDReh — Hannah (@McBBQSauce) March 5, 2020
2.
If we're not supposed to shake hands then what the hell do I do straight after sex? An appreciative nod just seems sarcastic. — Col (@Bigshirtlesscol) March 6, 2020
3.
I have 18 Rolls of luxury loo paper and 10 bottles of Clarisen hand sanitizer – looking to swap for a 3 bed house in Chelsea! #coronavirus #panicbuyinguk pic.twitter.com/LXZ54tjOsP — Charlie Simeon (@CharlieSimeon) March 9, 2020
4.
crap this virus is turning all the people into pigeons #coronavirus pic.twitter.com/UopvX9BqZD — ari (@__ariannalp) March 8, 2020
5.
Working on a reboot of Children of Men but with Clive Owen smuggling out a 12-pack of aloe vera pump bottles. — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 9, 2020
6.
Just been in the Aldi, & I started panicking, I'm home now with a load of sandpaper, 12 ski masks, & 40 gallons of eggshell emulsion. #coronavirus #panicbuyinguk — Freddy Krueger's Nan (@krueger_nan) March 9, 2020
7.
Could there be anything more Waitrose than the shelves being empty of expensive brand name Panadol/Neurofen but there being a plentiful supply of cheaper generic paracetamol/ibuprofen 🤣 #COVID19 #panicbuyinguk — Techpriest (@techpriest) March 9, 2020
8.
9.
So I’ve been hearing good things about this Coronavirus, but I can’t find it on Netflix, is it an Amazon Prime thing? — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) March 8, 2020
10.
11.
I only have six spare toilet rolls and one in use. Living life on the edge! #panicbuyinguk pic.twitter.com/XP9u6dNezX — Rob McGill (@RobMcGill2) March 9, 2020
12.
Eastern European supermarket c 1987 or Waitrose in Norwich in 2020? pic.twitter.com/wxri2XKd2u — Andrew Stronach (@aistronach) March 8, 2020
13.
Do you think people are just sat at home disappointed that they’re not shitting more? — Nick Fuckin' Helm (@TheNickHelm) March 9, 2020
14.
Live scenes from Morrisons after they announce a restock in loo roll#panicbuyinguk pic.twitter.com/hm1qYfbCuL — Connor 🤘 (@connorleggatt1) March 9, 2020
15.
I don't wish to alarm anyone but if my calculations are correct, every man, woman and child in the country will be infected with coronavirus by April 20th. By May 6th, more than eight BILLION Britons will have it. pic.twitter.com/lHD5a2nt8w — Steve Hogarty (@misterbrilliant) March 9, 2020
16.
imagine if the Coronavirus got so serious we stopped using our phones on the toilet — joe (@mutablejoe) March 8, 2020
17.
https://twitter.com/JimMFelton/status/1236643741949218818?s=20
READ MORE
Donald Trump claims to be a natural virologist – 8 sick burns


thepoke--2020-03-09--These American tourists totally didn’t get this Scottish ‘tablet’ and their review is glorious

It ’ s always a lovely touch when arriving at your holiday destination to find a little treat left in your room , whether you ’ re staying in a big hotel or a little Airbnb .
Except these American visitors to the Isle of Skye in Scotland didn ’ t quite put the traditional Scottish Tablet left out for them by the owners to quite the best use .
In fact , it ’ s fair to say it was probably the worst possible use , if their review is anything to go by .
And just in case @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Location and view were superb .
Very clean and had everything we needed .
‘ You have got to do something with that brown tablet bar of soap you put on each of our beds .
Not only was it gritty and left an oily reside but disintegrated before the shower was done !
I have had much better exfoliating bar scrubs !
’ It was shared on Twitter by @ SassenachExile who said : ‘ God bless Americans .
Skye this weekend.
’ And here are just a few of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just you – or they – are still in any doubt about what it is , here ’ s this from Wikipedia .
‘ Tablet is a medium-hard , sugary confection from Scotland .
Tablet is usually made from sugar , condensed milk , and butter , which is boiled to a soft-ball stage and allowed to crystallise .
It is often flavoured with vanilla or whisky , and sometimes has nut pieces in it .
Tablet differs from fudge in that it has a brittle , grainy texture , where fudge is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ medium-hard confection , not as soft as fudge , but not as hard as hard candy.
’ An American visitor shared the 42 weirdest things about the British people and they ring very , very true

Pics
It’s always a lovely touch when arriving at your holiday destination to find a little treat left in your room, whether you’re staying in a big hotel or a little Airbnb.
Except these American visitors to the Isle of Skye in Scotland didn’t quite put the traditional Scottish Tablet left out for them by the owners to quite the best use.
In fact, it’s fair to say it was probably the worst possible use, if their review is anything to go by.
And just in case that’s tricky to read.
‘Location and view were superb. Very clean and had everything we needed. ‘You have got to do something with that brown tablet bar of soap you put on each of our beds. Not only was it gritty and left an oily reside but disintegrated before the shower was done! I have had much better exfoliating bar scrubs!’
It was shared on Twitter by @SassenachExile who said: ‘God bless Americans. Skye this weekend.’
And here are just a few of the things people said about it.
Please, please tell me thats true……! — GreyPict (@GreyPict) March 8, 2020
100% true. On my life! — (@SassenachExile) March 8, 2020
Wow, tablet really is a thing! — Margaret Bassett (@1unleashed2) March 8, 2020
You jest surely. It's been known to keep children on a ceiling for hours due to sugar content — Oor Blaze fae Skye (@Blazespage) March 8, 2020
I do NOT want to know what Thomas does with toblerone — Derek Lucas (@LucasDerek) March 8, 2020
And just you – or they – are still in any doubt about what it is, here’s this from Wikipedia.
‘Tablet is a medium-hard, sugary confection from Scotland. Tablet is usually made from sugar, condensed milk, and butter, which is boiled to a soft-ball stage and allowed to crystallise. It is often flavoured with vanilla or whisky, and sometimes has nut pieces in it. Tablet differs from fudge in that it has a brittle, grainy texture, where fudge is much softer. Well-made tablet is a medium-hard confection, not as soft as fudge, but not as hard as hard candy.’
READ MORE
An American visitor shared the 42 weirdest things about the British people and they ring very, very true
Source Twitter @SassenachExile


thepoke--2020-03-09--This dog dismantling the agility round is our favourite (and most relatable) Crufts moment

There ’ s been no shortage of memorable moments from the agility round at Crufts over the years , but @ @ @ @ @ and certainly most relatable clips .
The clip went viral after it was shared by @ @ @ @ @ our favourite things he ( and other people ) said about it .
The best @ @ @ @ @ this dog enjoying Crufts

Videos
There’s been no shortage of memorable moments from the agility round at Crufts over the years, but this is among our favourite and certainly most relatable clips.
I'm here for this chaotic energy pic.twitter.com/o0h0UoQbNY — Jono Read 🐕 (@jonoread) March 7, 2020
The clip went viral after it was shared by @jonoread and here are our favourite things he (and other people) said about it.
Me running away from life responsibilities pic.twitter.com/SWfLGmwDYD — Jono Read 🐕 (@jonoread) March 8, 2020
"Excuse-me, but, that is definitely against the rules" Hauahuahhuahauahau — Bruno Felipe Silva (@FisicaSilva) March 7, 2020
Love the summary comment “what a rascal, absolute rascal”. 😻 — tanyam (@tanyamTV) March 7, 2020
Possibly my fave video from crufts — Olivia Bowen (@OliviaDBuck) March 7, 2020
Truly this dog has achieved the peak of existence; unbridled by the trappings of civilisation, in control of his own destiny. No owner shall ever tell him what to do again; he has become entropy defined. — Friedrich Wrangel (@FriedrichWrang1) March 8, 2020
GIVE HIM ALL THE TREATS — Conor Brogan (@ConorJohnBrogan) March 7, 2020
READ MORE
The best thing about Crufts was watching this dog enjoying Crufts
Source Twitter @jonoread


thepoke--2020-03-09--This 1977 clip of a woman on the ‘8th wonder’ of TV and renting a 12-inch set is rather wonderful

Just a lovely 5 minutes this , an archive clip from 1977 shared by the brilliant @ BBCArchive on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ , and watching .
One of our favourite clips last year featured this lady giving @ @ @ @ @ 1977 .
Fabulous stuff .
# IWD2020 pic.twitter.com/TmZ38pXHVf The accent , her demeanor , the @ @ @ @ @ This lady could have been any one of a handfull of Mums round and about @ @ @ @ @ .
This is n't an interview , it 's more like an Alan Bennett play @

Just a lovely 5 minutes this, an archive clip from 1977 shared by the brilliant @BBCArchive on Twitter which will have you watching, and watching.
One of our favourite clips last year featured this lady giving her opinion on television in 1977. Fabulous stuff. #IWD2020 pic.twitter.com/TmZ38pXHVf
Beautiful.
Wonderful.
The accent, her demeanor, the wit, the wisdom.
This lady could have been any one of a handfull of Mums round and about when I was growing up.
This isn't an interview, it's more like an Alan Bennett play.
— Bernie Briffa (@goonerbeau) March 8, 2020


thepoke--2020-03-09--People are making up bizarre Les Dennis stories after he took on this troll and it’s today’s oddest

People are making up bizarre Les Dennis stories after he took on this troll and it’s today’s oddest thing

Les Dennis was trending on Twitter today and it might just be the distraction we all need from coronavirus , for a couple of moments at least .
It all began when someone called @ RickB560 went on Twitter to say he had met the former Family Fortunes presenter ( and other stuff ) and had been supremely disappointed , to say the least .
Dennis was having none of this and said it absolutely , definitely , 100 % did not happen .
And if Dennis was hoping that would put the whole thing to bed , he was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people – lots of people – to share their own fantastical , entirely made-up memories of the time they met him and , well , have a read for yourself .
But what really happened to prompt that first , entirely erroneous tweet ?
Apart from being totally made-up , you might think .
Something like this , perhaps .
Just in case you were still in any doubt , there was this .
Last word to @ LesDennis , obviously .
This lovely Les Dennis story about him and Amanda Holden is @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
Les Dennis was trending on Twitter today and it might just be the distraction we all need from coronavirus, for a couple of moments at least.
It all began when someone called @RickB560 went on Twitter to say he had met the former Family Fortunes presenter (and other stuff) and had been supremely disappointed, to say the least.
Met @LesDennis today in the Brewers Fayre in Warrington. What a disappointment!!!! Refused to have a picture with me and swore at my 2 year old son. #Disappointed — Rick (@RickB560) March 8, 2020
Dennis was having none of this and said it absolutely, definitely, 100% did not happen.
No you didn’t. I am at home and have been all day. Don’t lie. https://t.co/IqC49DPxaI — Les Dennis (@LesDennis) March 8, 2020
And if Dennis was hoping that would put the whole thing to bed, he was only half right.
Because it prompted people – lots of people – to share their own fantastical, entirely made-up memories of the time they met him and, well, have a read for yourself.
1.
I saw Les Dennis throwing Guide Dogs off the top of a multi storey car park a few years back.
He seemed especially pleased when they didn’t die straight away. — Nodwell (@the_sensefield) March 9, 2020
2.
Met les Dennis at a swingers party in Essex in 1979, told him I wasn’t into deprived sexual activities, told me to fuck off then banged my wife’s back doors for 45 minutes whilst singing you never walk alone — misunderstood Moyes (@misunde68152141) March 9, 2020
3.
Les Dennis pushed me up against the wall of a lazerquest in Blackpool when I was 13. I had just shot him and he snarled "Don't make me end you, you little shit.". — jimmythekiller (@jimmythekiller3) March 9, 2020
4.
Hello is that Heat Magazine? I just spotted Les Dennis, the comedian and impressionist and actor Les Dennis. I just spotted him shopping in New Bond Street, and he was spending a fucking shit load of cash alright? So put that in, make sure you put that in https://t.co/WBEu8tzPgW — Em (@emroberts21) March 9, 2020
5.
I met Les Dennis in WHSmith’s in Dulwich. He was stuffing all the razz mags down his trousers and high on Sherbert Fountains. He ran out without paying, punched a pensioner off a scooter and drove off giggling. Later on I heard he ramraided the local dog shelter maiming 2 collies — benj clews (@benjclews) March 9, 2020
6.
I met Les Dennis in a cave in Colwyn Bay. He refused to tie my laces for me as he claimed he didn’t do ‘freebies’ in dimly lit bat infested welsh holes. He kicked my dog up the arse and threatened if I ever used that cave again he’d eat my family #disappointed — Sammy Walnuts 🌹 (@dj_walnuts) March 9, 2020
7.
Mixed news on the Les Dennis front for me today. He kindly popped round, did my washing for me then popped it on hangers above the radiator so it would be nice and dry, but he also ransacked my Quality Streets leaving me only with toffee pennies and them shit coconut things. pic.twitter.com/fzJWIfnWF8 — Super Kevin Bremner (@skb777) March 9, 2020
8.
I once met Les Dennis in Lidl. He was seething as he'd specifically went there for the half price mangoes but the shelf was empty. He said he felt like he'd been lured there under false pretences. He shat on the croissants and left. — badness.co.uk (@badnessmonster) March 9, 2020
9.
I met Les Dennis once at a chip shop in Scarborough, I asked him to pass me the salt, he'd slyly unscrewed the top and ruined my fish and chip supper. I asked him to replace it so he flipped me the V sign called me a chubby chick and said he'd done me a favour, so rude #lesdennis — Jenny Smith (@JennySm39142180) March 9, 2020
10.
Met les Dennis at a swingers party in Essex in 1979, told him I wasn’t into deprived sexual activities, told me to fuck off then banged my wife’s back doors for 45 minutes whilst singing you never walk alone — misunderstood Moyes (@misunde68152141) March 9, 2020
11.
Met Les Dennis in Spoons in Barnsley Bought him a dark fruits and he never got me one back, the tight bastard — Reverend&TheMakers (@Reverend_Makers) March 9, 2020
12.
I remember meeting Les Dennis as a kid. I asked him for his autograph. He looked me straight in the eye as he reached into his pocket, pulled out a turtle, and took a huge bite out of it like it was a pasty. — Captain Bison Trippshorn (@Brainmage) March 9, 2020
13.
Met Les Dennis at a Waterstones in 2017. They didn't have his book so he was signing books from the Sci Fi section on the cover or on random pages. The police eventually threw a bunch of smoke grenades into the shop and he ran out. This apparently happens every few months. — Tankerton Latch (@TankertonLatch) March 9, 2020
14.
I saw Les Dennis at my corner shop forcing the owner to play Russian roulette with a loaded .357 magnum revolver. He kept shouting "rub the puffin in the chip fat" at the owner. — pathfinder2 (@pathfinder2) March 9, 2020
15.
Looked through my telescope in the garden last night. I saw Les Dennis doing a spacewalk in orbit, trying to divert an asteroid so it would collide with Earth. Very disappointed. — Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) March 9, 2020
But what really happened to prompt that first, entirely erroneous tweet? Apart from being totally made-up, you might think.
This has absolutely sent me, I MUST know why a random tweeter has decided to start a smear campaign against Les Dennis pic.twitter.com/rriFajm8rT — ⛈ Dave on Me ⛈ (@DaveyBlahBlah) March 9, 2020
Something like this, perhaps.
I like to imagine your lookalike at the Brewers Fayre, being accosted by a stranger and told to have his photo taken. — David Quantick (@quantick) March 9, 2020
And him repeatedly telling them that he wasn't you, and them not believing him and getting shitty with him and him STILL saying he's not you and then their kid calling him a liar to which he replies "I'm not lying you little shit." and they STILL think it's you. — Rufus Hound 🌨 (@RufusHound) March 9, 2020
Just in case you were still in any doubt, there was this.
I metLes Dennis… I really liked him. pic.twitter.com/GOcr8ivZmS — Nitin Ganatra (@GanatraNitin) March 9, 2020
And this.
We met les Dennis in Nottingham and he was the loveliest! pic.twitter.com/0qwIW5bIhT — ☆Kel C☆ (@KelCurwood34) March 9, 2020
Last word to @LesDennis, obviously.
All the I met Les Dennis posts are making me laugh out loud. You’re all making me see that Twitter can be a great place despite the odd idiot. Thank you all. — Les Dennis (@LesDennis) March 9, 2020
READ MORE
This lovely Les Dennis story about him and Amanda Holden is 33 seconds very well spent
Source Twitter @LesDennis Image ITV


thepoke--2020-03-10--Dad joke of the week

Dad joke of the week

In the latest of an occasional series , it ’ s time for Dad Joke of the Week !
Over @ @ @ @ @ Better luck next time , dad .
Simply 27 ‘ dad jokes ’ to make @ @ @

Pics
In the latest of an occasional series, it’s time for Dad Joke of the Week!
Over the moon, surely? Better luck next time, dad.
READ MORE
Simply 27 ‘dad jokes’ to make your day better
Source Reddit u/enterpassword38


thepoke--2020-03-10--Just a lovely takedown of this Christian who’s not keen on women in uniforms

Here ’ s someone who calls themselves the ‘ Transformed Wife ’ on Twitter .
We don ’ t know @ @ @ @ @ she describes herself as ‘ A wife , a mother , a grandma , and @ @ @ @ @ Loves Jesus and is not afraid to speak Truth because it sets you free !
@ @ @ @ @ not overly keen on women in uniforms , it turns out , and we only @ @ @ @ @ is epic .
And our favourite thing people said about it after the post was @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ If your thought about someone ’ s job is “ how could anyone @ @ @ @ @ job !
” and not “ I hope they are competent and doing their job @ @ @ @ @ have some serious issues.
’ SamR1301 The takedown of this person who defended the Bible @ @ @ @ @ perfection

Popular
Here’s someone who calls themselves the ‘Transformed Wife’ on Twitter.
We don’t know too much about her but she describes herself as ‘A wife, a mother, a grandma, and a keeper at home. Loves Jesus and is not afraid to speak Truth because it sets you free!’
She’s also not overly keen on women in uniforms, it turns out, and we only mention this because the takedown is epic.
And our favourite thing people said about it after the post was shared by holodayinexpress on Reddit.
‘If your thought about someone’s job is “how could anyone find them attractive doing this job!” and not “I hope they are competent and doing their job well,” then you have some serious issues.’ SamR1301
READ MORE
The takedown of this person who defended the Bible in its entirety was sheer perfection
Source Reddit u/holodayinexpress


thepoke--2020-03-10--This scene from Mission Impossible isn’t what it seems – it’s even better

Our tiny minds have been blown by the revelation of how this moment from Mission Impossible was created .
We @ @ @ @ @ CGI these days – even things like Prime Minister ’ s Questions , Dancing on @ @ @ @ @ showing a cat doing as it ’ s told .
The cat ones probably are @ @ @ @ @ ’ t the only ones viewing it in a headspin .
People think Tom Cruise @ @ @ @ @ after this weird answer to his ‘ favourite movie ’

Twitter
Our tiny minds have been blown by the revelation of how this moment from Mission Impossible was created.
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – ROGUE NATION
I love this practical in-camera effects shot.
6 actors. No mirror. No CGI.
Just 100% filmmaking…#oldschool pic.twitter.com/M3408nXdW6 — Vashi Nedomansky, ACE (@vashikoo) March 8, 2020
We just assume everything’s CGI these days – even things like Prime Minister’s Questions, Dancing on Ice, or any video showing a cat doing as it’s told. The cat ones probably are.
At least we weren’t the only ones viewing it in a headspin.
This is mesmerizing. I’ve watched it like ten times now. https://t.co/noPCjWEbvo — Hector Navarro (@Hectorisfunny) March 8, 2020
That is mind blowing. https://t.co/MXUaRAREeb — Mike Fatum (@VengeanceGOD) March 9, 2020
This is insane https://t.co/60ifY7i2Ka — Yilmaz Ustunkaya (@YilmazUstunkaya) March 8, 2020
The fake mirror shot isn’t a recent innovation.
Sometimes the oldest tricks are the best tricks ✨👌 https://t.co/u0MqZRfOLL — Tom 🦎 (@GeckoTH) March 8, 2020
Check this out.
EVIL DEAD II (1987)
1. Real Mirror
2. Close-up
3. Mirror Gag
Great set-up and payoff!#sneaky #filmmaking pic.twitter.com/lhwc50M3zt — Vashi Nedomansky, ACE (@vashikoo) March 9, 2020
Same trick – with a twist.
READ MORE
People think Tom Cruise has never seen a film after this weird answer to his ‘favourite movie’
Source vashikoo Image vashikoo


thepoke--2020-03-10--Prince Harry appeared to blank Boris Johnson and it’s everything

However much you like Prince Harry you might be about to like him just a little bit more .
Possibly @ @ @ @ @ after he appeared to brutally blank Boris Johnson in one of his last royal engagements @ @ @ @ @ Harry , although not everyone agreed that that he blanked the so-called prime minister .
@ @ @ @ @ longer clip and while he doesn ’ t completely ignore the PM , well , @ @ @ @ @ .
And just in case you ’ re wondering , it was the Commonwealth Service @ @ @ @ @ .
Guests weren ’ t shaking hands because of coronavirus but Harry appeared to go @ @ @ @ @ that .
Or did he ?
Simply 12 funny things people said about this picture @ @ @ @ @ Johnson

Videos
However much you like Prince Harry you might be about to like him just a little bit more. Possibly quite a lot more, after he appeared to brutally blank Boris Johnson in one of his last royal engagements.
Watch this.
Johnson blanked by Windsor. In fairness he can see through the false charm and bonhomie. One of Harry's last ever public acts too. pic.twitter.com/vUx9gQMg1d — John Finn (@SeanFionn) March 9, 2020
Missing you already, Harry, although in the interests of fairness and all that, not everyone approved or even agreed that he had blanked the prime minister.
I personally don't see anyone being blanked. But if he did, it's reprehensible & shows exactly why Harry needs to go. The monarchy is completely apolitical. If he did blank Boris – recently elected with a huge majority, not that makes a difference – he's not fit to be a royal — Emteess (@emteess) March 9, 2020
Here’s a slightly longer clip and while it’s fair to say that he doesn’t completely ignore the PM, well, have a watch for yourself.
Here’s a good quality grab of that Prince Harry/Boris Johnson encounter. Harry chats to the person before, nods to Johnson, still chatting to the person before, then moves on to the person after. If you think it wasn’t a snub, keep your eyes on Johnson. He knows. AWKS. pic.twitter.com/WwppyJ4pnu — Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) March 9, 2020
Owned.
Well spotted. Johnson's face, when he gazes to his left as Harry swiftly moves on. Disappointment — Sarah Rosemary (@SarahRosemary3) March 9, 2020
And just in case you’re wondering, it was the Commonwealth Service at Westminster Abbey on Monday. Guests weren’t shaking hands because of coronavirus but Harry appeared to go a little bit further than that. Or did he?
READ MORE
Simply 12 funny things people said about this picture of Prince Harry and Boris Johnson
Source Twitter @Flu0rescxnt


thepoke--2020-03-10--17 times niche angry Twitter reared its furious little head

The internet is full of angry people ; riled about Brexit , livid about Trump , absolutely fuming about the @ @ @ @ @ In some pockets , however , people are getting miffed about really specific things , @ @ @ @ @ wanted to know all about them .
Judging by these replies , there are as @ @ @ @ @ as there are people .

Twitter
The internet is full of angry people; riled about Brexit, livid about Trump, absolutely fuming about the rising cost of Freddos.
In some pockets, however, people are getting miffed about really specific things, and scifi author Elizabeth May wanted to know all about them.
please tell me about an extremely niche section of twitter that you never knew existed until you made them angry. one time i made Feed Swans Bread Twitter angry after i suggested food alternatives. FOR MONTHS I got angry tweets, until I finally deleted it. YOUR TURN. — Elizabeth May (@_ElizabethMay) March 6, 2020
Judging by these replies, there are as many bizarre special interest groups as there are people.
1.
ah, fondly remembering the time I naively asked if there was any way to get money to write a play because I maybe had a good idea for one and got thoroughly cancelled by a group of irate upcoming playwrights, love this site https://t.co/yMH4OaPByK — Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) March 7, 2020
2.
Patatas bravas Twitter. Fucking hell. Still haunts me. https://t.co/fKbI1lVhie — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) March 7, 2020
3.
PIEGATE!
I suggested that M & S launching a new product called 'Empire Pie' was a bit jingoistic. Oh. My. God. The Daily Mail, Matthew Wright show, & thousands of pie-loving racists *lost their minds* Men sent me PHOTOS OF PIES THEY HAD BOUGHT like it would destroy me 😅 https://t.co/xOBiSWK8rU — Dr Louise Raw (@LouiseRawAuthor) March 7, 2020
4.
Men's rights activists https://t.co/QuPvmscAiH — The Bubba Sparxx of Discourse (@Chef_Lu_Bu) March 7, 2020
5.
One time I trash-talked Portugal's Eurovision song, and made Portuguese Eurofans so mad that the entire country of Portugal dropped on my head. I got Portuguese death threats and had to lock down for a full 24 hours before they got distracted and went away. A proud moment, tbh. https://t.co/g6Sv4YfgLv — Navah Wolfe 🇮🇸🇱🇹 (@navahw) March 6, 2020
6.
I have been cancelled many times but nothing NOTHING prepared me for the passionate vindictiveness of keanu fans https://t.co/4C2khMrXTa — Eleanor Robertson (@marrowing) March 8, 2020
7.
People Who Get Really Mad When You Say Cats Should Not Be Allowed Outdoors Unsupervised Twitter is a big one https://t.co/VxzbFJa8kG — Elle Maruska (they/them) (@ellle_em) March 6, 2020
8.
There's this group of people who love OKRA so much and they will defend it to death every time we tweet about how much we dislike it. #Nokra 😒 https://t.co/yhg2LqWSQW — s a r a h (@lakwatsarah) March 7, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-10--Can you stand to listen to loud eating sounds? These people couldn’t

The sound of other people eating is a very common irritant , which can trigger bouts of misophonia – a @ @ @ @ @ high levels of stress and disgust .
When BuzzFeed deliberately shared some loud chomping sounds @ @ @ @ @ it went down about as well as you ’ d expect .
Here ’ s @ @ @ @ @ its glory .
Can you bear to turn the volume up ?
And these reactions @ @ @ @ @ felt about it .
Nick Pettigrew tried to stomach it , but failed .
How @ @ @ @ @ This woman is eating hard boiled eggs all wrong

Twitter
The sound of other people eating is a very common irritant, which can trigger bouts of misophonia – a very strong psychological reaction involving high levels of stress and disgust.
When BuzzFeed deliberately shared some loud chomping sounds – the monsters! – it went down about as well as you’d expect.
Here’s the hellish soundscape in all its glory. Can you bear to turn the volume up?
Turn your sound on 🔈 pic.twitter.com/sJbvob1EN9 — BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) March 9, 2020
via GIPHY
And these reactions nail how just about everybody felt about it.
1.
What the fuck is wrong with people https://t.co/9yQKlk052i — Red Sky At Night (@redskyatnight) March 9, 2020
2.
Whatever makes your tail tingle. It's a big no from me though. https://t.co/gYx1xdKkqo — Sartorial Thug 🍸(Secretary of State for Bounders) (@SartorialThug) March 9, 2020
3.
4.
Nooo no no, that's the worst sound! pic.twitter.com/aAphmHvktN — Tercia da Silva (@TerciaDaSilva) March 9, 2020
5.
6.
Nick Pettigrew tried to stomach it, but failed.
Nope, got two seconds in. Nope nope nope nope NOPE. That awful fucking wet smacking sound before they’ve even taken a bite. Like a slug fucking your ears. — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) March 9, 2020
How far did you get?
READ MORE
This woman is eating hard boiled eggs all wrong
Source BuzzFeed Image @sasittube via BuzzFeed, Giphy


thepoke--2020-03-10--Our 14 favourites from Matt Lucas’ quirky “Good morning” videos

There are so many reasons to love Matt Lucas that it seems almost rude to single one out for mention @ @ @ @ @ videos are a treasure trove of TV gems .
For that reason , we thought @ @ @ @ @ few for your perusal , and ours .
These were the 14 that leapt out @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t recommend highly enough that you go and check out the rest , @ @ @ @ @ other tweets .
1 .
This spat between anchor and reporter 3 .
The Pink @ @ @ @ @ Olivia Newton John 4 .
The absolute worst attempt at show tunes ever caught on @ @ @ @ @ Spinal Crap – actually , it ’ s “ Punch ” 7 .
Canada ’ @ @ @ @ @ Jane and Freddy – without the sexual tension

Twitter
There are so many reasons to love Matt Lucas that it seems almost rude to single one out for mention, but his Good Morning videos are a treasure trove of TV gems.
For that reason, we thought we’d gather a few for your perusal, and ours.
These were the 14 that leapt out at us, but we can’t recommend highly enough that you go and check out the rest, along with Matt’s other tweets.
1. This spat between anchor and reporter
2. A Tyrolean tongue choir
3. The Pink Windmill Kids’ take on Olivia Newton John
4. The absolute worst attempt at show tunes ever caught on camera
5. German folk singer, Heino, with a seriously disturbing backing choir
6. This is Spinal Crap – actually, it’s “Punch”
7. Canada’s answer to Rod, Jane and Freddy – without the sexual tension


thepoke--2020-03-10--Boris Johnson said the UK should take coronavirus “on the chin” – the only 4 reactions you need

It ’ s important for politicians to be seen to submit their policies to proper scrutiny , of course in @ @ @ @ @ outlining them to serious journalists who will put them through their paces .
Last week @ @ @ @ @ This Morning , talking to Phil and Holly about the response to the coronavirus .
@ @ @ @ @ Miles Thompson , thought more people should be aware of the Prime Minister ’ s @ @ @ @ @ so he shared this clip .
These four reactions said all that needs to be @ @ @ @ @ throws the vulnerable under a bus , we can probably guess what ’ s written @ @ @ @ @ shop ’ s message to its valued customers perfectly captures where coronavirus panic buying is @ @

Twitter
It’s important for politicians to be seen to submit their policies to proper scrutiny, of course in parliament, but also by outlining them to serious journalists who will put them through their paces.
Last week, Boris Johnson appeared on This Morning, talking to Phil and Holly about the response to the coronavirus.
via GIPHY
Anyway … Clinical Psychologist, Miles Thompson, thought more people should be aware of the Prime Minister’s approach to the virus, so he shared this clip.
I'm not sure enough people have seen this clip. This morning, on national TV, the prime minster suggested a strategy he was considering with #coronavirus was to let us all "take it on the chin" and just "allow the disease to move through the population". Watch below and share. pic.twitter.com/sep5xigyNb — Miles Thompson (@mvdct) March 5, 2020
These four reactions said all that needs to be said.
1.
So he only believes in freedom of movement for disease pic.twitter.com/VsZlMPmz9N — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 9, 2020
2.
Jesus Christ. JESUS CHRIST.
The man is an absolute LUNATIC! pic.twitter.com/w3tOht1BK9 — Owen Williams 🏴 (@OwsWills) March 9, 2020
3.
So Boris Johnson is considering letting the #coronavirus “move through the population”, killing tens of thousands of people, to reduce the impact on the economy! As we’ve always said, Tories priorities profits over people. #Newsnight pic.twitter.com/Ng1ZmIzaaL — Dave Burns (@Dave_Burns_) March 9, 2020
4.
This is what you start to think is a good idea when you hang around a bunch of eugenicists https://t.co/OwU2JKrAdp — Brooke Binkowski (@brooklynmarie) March 9, 2020
Author Nick Pettigrew nailed this analogy.
“As a firefighter, I believe that one method is to just let the fire burn out of control until it gets sort of bored, then see what buildings are still standing”
A dangerously-stupid man. pic.twitter.com/wlgtC8gvM2 — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) March 9, 2020
If the government throws the vulnerable under a bus, we can probably guess what’s written on the side.
READ MORE
This shop’s message to its valued customers perfectly captures where coronavirus panic buying is right now
Source Miles Thompson Image ITV


thepoke--2020-03-10--Nigel Farage discussed the coronavirus on Newsnight and it went down like a bad cough in a lift

It seems that coronavirus has stepped into a void in the news schedule previously filled by Brexit .
It ’ s a serious threat to the stability of the NHS , not to mention the economy in general , and the government ’ s preparations for it have been repeatedly questioned by experts .
The same can be said of the coronavirus .
Although experts galore are available to talk about the statistics of the virus , the best way to prevent it , and to dispel dangerous myths , BBC ’ s Newsnight team decided to discuss it with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was simply that people coming into the UK from areas with coronavirus should be quarantined .
Quite ironic , considering he has just returned from the Conservative Political Action Conference , where at least one attendee was carrying the virus .
His Newsnight appearance went down like a sweaty bloke with a cough in a crowded lift .
This is what people had to say about it .
University professor , Steve Peers , had a vision of the future that , at times , seems more prophetic than fanciful .
Then Farage @ @ @ @ @ @ @ specifically for giant rats .
Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment

Twitter
It seems that coronavirus has stepped into a void in the news schedule previously filled by Brexit.
It’s a serious threat to the stability of the NHS, not to mention the economy in general, and the government’s preparations for it have been repeatedly questioned by experts.
The same can be said of the coronavirus.
Although experts galore are available to talk about the statistics of the virus, the best way to prevent it, and to dispel dangerous myths, BBC’s Newsnight team decided to discuss it with Nigel Farage.
Renowned health professional and medical expert Dr Nigel Farage talking about #coronavirus on #Newsnight cos… Jesus wept. — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) March 9, 2020
Farage’s input was simply that people coming into the UK from areas with coronavirus should be quarantined. Quite ironic, considering he has just returned from the Conservative Political Action Conference, where at least one attendee was carrying the virus.
Please let us all send #nigel_farage our best wishes now that it is confirmed an attendee at CPAC 2020, where Mr Farage was speaking has contracted Coronavirus. Sadly Mr Farage will have to self-isolate and cancel his next Far Right talk on March 10th. He is not sounding well. — GuntherBett #FBPE 🐟🐟 (@BettGunther) March 8, 2020
His Newsnight appearance went down like a sweaty bloke with a cough in a crowded lift. This is what people had to say about it.
1.
Newsnight interviewing Nigel Farage about the coronavirus. Did I miss something? Did every last person other than Nigel Farage die of the coronavirus leaving them with no other choice? — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 9, 2020
2.
Having failed to get elected 7 times, failed to get any of his MPs elected and not even being an MEP who doesn't turn up for work, I was worried that Nigel Farage might be utterly irrelevant. So it's good to see #Newsnight giving him a job as a fucking #coronavirus expert. — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 9, 2020
3.
People whose medical opinion I need before Nigel Farage's:
1. Big Bird
2. Glenn madeiros
3. supergran
4. The late Bernard Matthews
5. An actual stick
6. Lembit Opik
7. A Cheeky girl
8. 2 Unlimited — Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) March 9, 2020
4.
I suppose they’re getting Nigel Farage’s opinion on Newsnight because he’s a fucking virus himself. — Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) March 9, 2020
5.
Sorry Newsnight, but of all the non-medical experts whose view on coronavirus I’m not fussed about hearing, Farage is pretty high on the list — gabyhinsliff (@gabyhinsliff) March 9, 2020
6.
WHY THE FUCK IS NIGEL FUCKING FARAGE ON MY FUCKING TV TALKING ABOUT CORONAVIRUS WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS HE NOWADAYS WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO I VACCINATE AGAINST HIM — James Moran (@jamesmoran) March 9, 2020
7.
I am a huge supporter of the BBC, but whoever decided that Nigel Farage should be interviewed about Coronavirus is a prick. — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) March 9, 2020
8.
Today, ITV sought out Kelvin Mackenzie’s opinion on the coronavirus and the BBC (Newsnight ffs) asked Nigel Farage for his. And we wonder why we’re fucked. — Dan Waddell (@danwaddell) March 9, 2020
University professor, Steve Peers, had a vision of the future that, at times, seems more prophetic than fanciful.
It's 2052. As the last remaining Brits are devoured by giant mutant rats, the BBC devotes its final broadcast to Nigel Farage, now forming his 296th political party, sneering at the elites from atop his gold throne on his tropical island https://t.co/yBojaZMKCC — Steve Peers (@StevePeers) March 9, 2020
Then Farage will launch his 785th political party, specifically for giant rats.
READ MORE
Simply 17 coronavirus tweets to take your mind off your diminishing supplies of loo roll for a moment
Source Twitter Image @freetousesounds.com on Unsplash, Newsnight


thepoke--2020-03-10--17 stockpiling tweets to make you smile before your loo roll runs out

Pics
As the nation – well, bits of it – continues to stockpile loo roll and the like in the belief that A) it’s going to run out and B) it’s going to help in some way, these 17 stockpiling tweets will take the edge off a bit.
1.
As you can see, I’ve been stockpiling… pic.twitter.com/BSlsGwLIGl — Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) March 7, 2020
2.
In this toilet paper stockpiling crisis, it should reassure you all to know when I went camping in 1987 I wiped my arse on a slice of bread and it totally worked. — Sarah Kendall (@Sarah_Kendall) March 7, 2020
3.
I don’t understand the mentality of some people in the UK. “It’s snowing a tiny bit so better stockpile bread and milk” “I may have to self-isolate for a few days so better stockpile pasta and bog roll” Why this stuff? Why not the important stuff, like gin and chocolate. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 10, 2020
4.
5.
What if instead of toilet paper, we all started stockpiling… friendship. — Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) March 6, 2020
6.
7.
I posted about this three days ago and still no-one has explained why people in a time of crisis are so focussed on toilet paper. Or are they just very, very scared and therefore already spending a lot of time in the bog? https://t.co/At2GRF8cao — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 7, 2020
8.
Brits stockpiling pasta, teabags and marmite, in response to #COVID19. I’m curious as to what Americans are stockpi- Oh. https://t.co/n2vCQPoKEl — Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) March 7, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-10--This woman’s worried she’s not ‘financially the same’ as her boyfriend and the advice is 10/10

Relationship advice of the week was doled out to this woman who ’ s worried she ’ s not ‘ @ @ @ @ @ her boyfriend .
She was so worried she went on Facebook – naturally – to @ @ @ @ @ if she was hoping for some advice then she got it .
She really got @ @ @ @ @ , ’ said ripjoergen1and2 who shared it on Reddit .
23 people asking for relationship @ @ @ @ @ you go “ dump them !
”

Popular
Relationship advice of the week was doled out to this woman who’s worried she’s not ‘financially the same’ as her boyfriend.
She was so worried she went on Facebook – naturally – to talk about it, and if she was hoping for some advice then she got it. She really got it.
‘Absolutely destroyed,’ said ripjoergen1and2 who shared it on Reddit.
READ MORE
23 people asking for relationship advice that’ll make you go “dump them!”
Source Reddit u/ripjoergen1and2


thepoke--2020-03-10--Funny dog video of the week

Funny dog video of the week

We surely won ’ t see a funnier dog video this week .
He is , he really is .
@ @ @ @ @ Just 19 videos of dogs doing weird things to make your day better

Videos
We surely won’t see a funnier dog video this week.
He is, he really is.
Lmaooo I think he’s actually imitating the corgi 💀💀💀😂 — 🌹 (@_____tbd) March 9, 2020
He like “This you” 😭😂😂😭 — samantha calender (@OnYourCallender) March 8, 2020
i didn’t think dogs were capable of bullying but god damn — Max is 20 🤴🏻 (@gay_pdf) March 9, 2020
That bark said everything though “C’mon, stop, bruh. 😕” — Chaotic Good (@VexedSolomon) March 9, 2020
“LOok aT mE EyEM a CoRGii” pic.twitter.com/9s5OPl49vy — Kamala Harris For VP (@LaCienegaBlvdes) March 8, 2020
And there was more …
READ MORE
Just 19 videos of dogs doing weird things to make your day better
Source Twitter @LaCienegaBlvdes


thepoke--2020-03-10--‘Hilary from Lincolnshire hasn’t quite grasped she’s switched the audio-description on’

Reader ’ s letter of the week goes to Hilary from Lincolnshire who ’ s not happy that her telly @ @ @ @ @ her what ’ s going on , it ’ s started telling her as well @ @ @ @ @ Radio Times was shared by @ Raphaelite_Girl on Twitter who said : ‘ I ’ @ @ @ @ @ hasn ’ t quite grasped that she ’ s switched the audio-description on… 😂 ’ @ @ @ @ @ done something similar , haven ’ t we ?
We once thought the subtitles on @ @ @ @ @ rubbish , only to realise we had it in the wrong aspect ratio .

Pics
Reader’s letter of the week goes to Hilary from Lincolnshire who’s not happy that her telly isn’t just showing her what’s going on, it’s started telling her as well.
Her letter to the Radio Times was shared by @Raphaelite_Girl on Twitter who said: ‘I’m sensing Hilary from Lincolnshire hasn’t quite grasped that she’s switched the audio-description on… 😂’.
We’ve all done something similar, haven’t we? We once thought the subtitles on a foreign drama were especially rubbish, only to realise we had it in the wrong aspect ratio.
I cannot get enough "people-who-have-unwittingly-switched-on-audio-description-and-are-now-really-cross" content. Cannot. Get. Enough. https://t.co/E4vWrjIeVl — Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) March 9, 2020
We got ours stuck on once and couldn’t work out how to switch it off. Grand designs had lots of “Kevin is walking around the garden” — Helen (@metherer) March 8, 2020
This happened to us once and it drove me nearly insane. Can also happen on mobile phones.
Work of the Devil. https://t.co/wlEscV5Op2 — simon evans (@TheSimonEvans) March 9, 2020
Yeah, if you’ve never come across audio-description before it can be quite puzzling when it apparently switches itself on, as it has done to me a couple of times — Bad Smiffy (@badsmiffy) March 8, 2020
READ MORE
When subtitles go wrong: Teletubbies edition
Source Twitter @Raphaelite_Girl


thepoke--2020-03-10--These 19 actual complaints by holidaymakers are funny and totally bamboozling

These 19 complaints by dissatisfied holidaymakers went viral on Reddit because , well , have a read of them for yourself .
No wonder Thomas Cook found itself in such difficulties .
And just some of the things people said about them after they were shared on Reddit .
‘ My parents went to Hawaii for vacation and when they got back , my mother complained how the sunset didn ’ t look like the one on the flyer.
’ trogon ‘ I ’ ve heard similar stories of tourists in northern Norway complaining that the midnight sun was the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Like what where they expecting.
’ Oorgs ‘ Spanish people in Spain ?
Wow , I did not know this !
’ wika-art ‘ I swear , some people want to vacation in a different place but have it be exactly the same as home.
’ battlelevel ‘ There ’ s a podcast called “ Beach Too Sandy , Water Too Wet ” where they read reviews like these.
’ Kismet_RL ‘ I ’ m sorry but , “ My pregnancy is your fault because you gave us a king bed when @ @ @ @ @ @ @ favorite frivolous lawsuit .
I ’ d let it go through.
’ vicky_the_farmarian

Popular
These 19 complaints by dissatisfied holidaymakers went viral on Reddit because, well, have a read of them for yourself.
No wonder Thomas Cook found itself in such difficulties.
And just some of the things people said about them after they were shared on Reddit.
‘My parents went to Hawaii for vacation and when they got back, my mother complained how the sunset didn’t look like the one on the flyer.’ trogon ‘I’ve heard similar stories of tourists in northern Norway complaining that the midnight sun was the same as the sun in the day. Like what where they expecting.’ Oorgs ‘Spanish people in Spain? Wow, I did not know this!’ wika-art ‘I swear, some people want to vacation in a different place but have it be exactly the same as home.’ battlelevel ‘There’s a podcast called “Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet” where they read reviews like these.’ Kismet_RL ‘I’m sorry but, “My pregnancy is your fault because you gave us a king bed when we wanted two twins” is my favorite frivolous lawsuit. I’d let it go through.’ vicky_the_farmarian
READ MORE
21 Seriously Strange Tripadvisor Reviews
Source Reddit u/anoobsearcher


thepoke--2020-03-10--This old Blue Peter clip of Lesley Judd on an electric horse is tickling people’s fancy for some rea

This old Blue Peter clip of Lesley Judd on an electric horse is tickling people’s fancy for some reason

Over to the always watchable @ BBCArchive which today shared this old Blue Peter clip of Lesley Judd on an @ @ @ @ @ s fair to say it tickled people ’ s fancy .
All-comers , in fact @ @ @ @ @ faces .
Kenneth Williams was asked to define camp and his answer was simply glorious

Videos
Over to the always watchable @BBCArchive which today shared this old Blue Peter clip of Lesley Judd on an electric horse and it’s fair to say it tickled people’s fancy.
#OnThisDay 1975: Running out of stable space? Lesley Judd had a go on an electric horse. It weighed half a ton, but at least it didn’t need any grooming. pic.twitter.com/FH1VUuWrdf — BBC Archive (@BBCArchive) March 10, 2020
Crikey.
‘one for the dads’. — summerteeeth (@summerteeeth) March 10, 2020
All-comers, in fact. Just look at their faces.
READ MORE
Kenneth Williams was asked to define camp and his answer was simply glorious
Source @BBCArchive


thepoke--2020-03-12--Simply 13 coronavirus jokes to help take the edge off

As the country braces itself to find out how bad coronavirus is going to get – and how exactly the @ @ @ @ @ going to shape up – here are 13 jokes about the bloody thing to help @ @ @ @ @ just a bit .

Twitter
As the country braces itself to find out how bad coronavirus is going to get – and how exactly the government’s response is going to shape up – here are 13 jokes about the bloody thing to help take the edge off, just a bit.
1.
It should be: "COVID-19 declared a pandemic by WHOM." — John Gemberling (@Gemberlicking) March 11, 2020
2.
Correct decision. I'm not sure how you can coordinate a global response to a pandemic AND tour the UK at the same time. https://t.co/5oiAREzKui — Ben Rathe (@benrathe) March 12, 2020
3.
Unnecessary tbh, the problem is *mass* gatherings https://t.co/YLZjLLQ0p4 — . (@twlldun) March 12, 2020
4.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. — Liam Hackett (@DiageoLiam) March 12, 2020
5.
Which Pathogen Wore It Better: pic.twitter.com/R5WThrnWxt — Scott Linnen (@ScottLinnen) March 11, 2020
6.
Must be quite hard for burglars at the moment with everyone staying in all the time. Yesterday night our alarm went off, and as I was going downstairs to check, wondered about just coughing loudly to scare them off. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 12, 2020
7.
Holding off the virus by infecting myself with other diseases it won’t fuck with. Currently have botulism, scrofula and the mange, anyone suggest any others? — . (@twlldun) March 12, 2020
8.
One upside of this self-isolation thing is I finally have an excuse for all these bottles of piss in my house — Phil Wang (@PhilNWang) March 12, 2020
9.
I’m all for these no handshaking, no touching etc enforcements that are in place but, I’ll be honest, if there’s any talk of not being allowed to stroke other people’s dogs then I will NOT be happy. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 12, 2020
10.
I see we are all epidemiologists now. Go on, name your three favourite pandemics. — . (@twlldun) March 12, 2020
11.
a quick reminder for if you are quarantined over the next few weeks – you don't need to write a novel, you are not the voice of your generation, no one is desperate to hear from you — Becca Wright (@_beccawright) March 12, 2020
12.
13.
Working from home Day 1
Up & dressed
Has porridge
Works at desk Day 2
Up but in PJs
Has porridge
Works at desk Day 3
Up & in PJs
Eats Cornflakes from box
Works at desk Day 4
Up & in PJs
Has crisps
Works on sofa Day 5
Works from bed
Googles ‘Who delivers breakfast pizza?’ — The Poke (@ThePoke) March 12, 2020
Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-03-12--This Yes, Minister clip’s gone viral because it perfectly captures governments’ coronavirus response

There ’ s often talk of how accurately the Simpsons manages to predict big ( and occasionally small ) world @ @ @ @ @ t recall it ever doing it quite so perfectly as this .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ Minister which went viral on Twitter because it captures many governments ’ response to coronavirus @ @ @ @ @ , well , it ’ s uncanny .
Sir Richard Wharton : “ In stage @ @ @ @ @ is going to happen.
” Sir Humphrey Appleby : “ Stage two , we say @ @ @ @ @ happen , but we should do nothing about it.
” Sir Richard Wharton : “ @ @ @ @ @ say that maybe we should do something about it , but there ’ s nothing @ @ @ @ @ Humphrey Appleby : “ Stage four , we say maybe there was something we could @ @ @ @ @ ’ s too late now.
” This old Fry and Laurie sketch is going viral @ @ @ @ @ Brexit

Videos
There’s often talk of how accurately the Simpsons manages to predict big (and occasionally small) world events but we don’t recall it ever doing it quite so perfectly as this.
It’s a moment from Yes, Minister which went viral on Twitter because it captures many governments’ response to coronavirus so perfectly it’s, well, it’s uncanny.
‘Yes Minister’ has a perfect summary of most Western countries response to the coronavirus outbreak 😷 pic.twitter.com/meuMCqkiAK — Javier Blas (@JavierBlas) March 10, 2020
Sir Richard Wharton: “In stage one, we say nothing is going to happen.” Sir Humphrey Appleby: “Stage two, we say something may be about to happen, but we should do nothing about it.” Sir Richard Wharton: “In stage three, we say that maybe we should do something about it, but there’s nothing we can do.” Sir Humphrey Appleby: “Stage four, we say maybe there was something we could have done, but it’s too late now.”
Word perfect!
Coronavirus response plan summarized:pic.twitter.com/OTNjWSds7j — Sven Henrich (@NorthmanTrader) March 10, 2020
https://twitter.com/fascinatorfun/status/1237518077064916992?s=20
And in climate crisis! — Halle Verkehrt #By2020WeRiseUp! (@HalleVerkehrt) March 10, 2020
Excellent. To be fair, ‘Yes Minister’ at some stage gave a perfect summary of everything that happens in politics – a work of genius. — Richard White (@Richard_PharmaG) March 11, 2020
READ MORE
This old Fry and Laurie sketch is going viral because it basically sums up Brexit
Source @javierblas @GenevieveRobert @northmantrader


thepoke--2020-03-12--‘The best coronaposting is currently happening on the sneeze fetish forums’

‘ The best corona posting is currently happening on the sneeze festish forms ’ writes @ krangtnelson over on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ , well , you ’ re going to have to read them for yourself .
@ @ @ @ @ too good to check ’ , surely .
Richard Osman asked how many times people @ @ @ @ @ someone keeps a spreadsheet

Weird World
‘The best corona posting is currently happening on the sneeze festish forms’ writes @krangtnelson over on Twitter.
And it’s, well, you’re going to have to read them for yourself.
1.
2.
3.
4.
To be filed under ‘too good to check’, surely.
I’m sorry… the WHAT — norman freaking rockwell (@shawnxmannyisnt) March 11, 2020
Bless them — Nobou (@NouveauBougee) March 11, 2020
I guess there are still fetishes and kinks I've not heard of… — Metaphysician (@The_Nevermeant) March 11, 2020
Too on the nose. — Benzos for Bonzo (@Chiaguava1) March 11, 2020
To conclude, this …
Just when you think you've seen it all https://t.co/ryAl7yFyEd — Simon Clark (@simonoxfphys) March 12, 2020
READ MORE
Richard Osman asked how many times people sneeze and it turned out someone keeps a spreadsheet
Source @krangtnelson Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-03-12--This old Italian guy complaining about pasta being sold out is an absolute mood

If you thought it was bad that toilet paper and hand sanitiser has sold out in a lot of shops @ @ @ @ @ be like for an old Italian guy to discover there ’ s no pasta .
@ @ @ @ @ t have to imagine .
Next time somebody tells you that pasta and “ mamma @ @ @ @ @ , show them this .
The clip made its way onto Twitter .
We hope @ @ @ @ @ is staying safe .
He should be okay as long as he ’ s been @ @ @ @ @ ’ t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these @ @ @

Videos
If you thought it was bad that toilet paper and hand sanitiser has sold out in a lot of shops, imagine what it must be like for an old Italian guy to discover there’s no pasta.
Actually, you don’t have to imagine.
Next time somebody tells you that pasta and “mamma mia” are racial stereotypes, show them this.
The clip made its way onto Twitter.
#Coronavirus Italy video going viral, old man shouts about pasta pic.twitter.com/XTa4huuEgp — Memelord (@dailydigger19) February 26, 2020
People appreciate his frustration.
Coronavirus has crossed the line for Italians pic.twitter.com/n7bUqwrFBS — ig:@savagedump (@nojokestoday) March 10, 2020
Everyone’s losing their minds over coronavirus and this guy is just trying to buy some pasta pic.twitter.com/qJFnj2v6Mk — Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) March 11, 2020
Hear, hear. Elderly Italian man calls out the #coronavirus hysteria: “The pasta 🍝 shelves are empty…There wasn't this much panic when World War II started.” He would know: pic.twitter.com/kH062dUdZd — Joyce Karam (@Joyce_Karam) March 10, 2020
i genuinely hope this old italian man complaining about the lack of pasta due to the coronavirus is doing well i love him pic.twitter.com/5F8laGtunP — adam driver’s third leg 🦁 (@adamdriverology) March 8, 2020
We hope he found some pasta and is staying safe. He should be okay as long as he’s been following these instructions.
READ MORE
Don’t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these 19 funny takes
Source YouTube Image YouTube, @picoftasty on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-12--A coronavirus conference was cancelled due to coronavirus and the jokes wrote themselves – 9 favouri

A coronavirus conference was cancelled due to coronavirus and the jokes wrote themselves – 9 favourites

Breaking news from the fight against coronavirus where a coronavirus conference has been cancelled due to coronavirus , reports the @ @ @ @ @ no shortage of jokes of which these are our 9 favourites .
Vanity Fair had @ @ @ @ @ Trump trolled it as ‘ third rate ’

Twitter
Breaking news from the fight against coronavirus where a coronavirus conference has been cancelled due to coronavirus, reports the Independent.
Coronavirus conference 'cancelled due to coronavirus' https://t.co/yXLdcxq0lk — The Independent (@Independent) March 11, 2020
And it prompted no shortage of jokes of which these are our 9 favourites.
1.
Gathering of Clairvoyants cancelled due to completely unforeseen circumstances — Awoogala Salad (@vexwerewolf) March 11, 2020
2.
IT WAS THE ONE THING WE DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN https://t.co/GjifhK1Zs1 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 11, 2020
3.
Military conference canceled due to insecurity — Ayo (@__olayinka) March 11, 2020
4.
ffs, I've literally just paid for a meet and greet with the coronavirus https://t.co/FjOiw0ON0r — Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) March 11, 2020
5.
This is not an irony, This is a Corony — Your Uncle From Kaduna (@Real_jaeflex) March 11, 2020
6.
Damn this thing always one step ahead, what a villain https://t.co/9f3pJLdMGP — Remz (@RemzTheAwesome) March 11, 2020
7.
Hopefully it can go ahead when Corona Virus is cured. — Mike (@mickmccarthy0) March 11, 2020
8.
I love naturally occurring The Onion articles https://t.co/BBMinxsvkz — Aol.com (@lukasbattle) March 11, 2020
9.
READ MORE
Vanity Fair had the perfect response after Donald Trump trolled it as ‘third rate’


thepoke--2020-03-12--Vanity Fair had the perfect response after Donald Trump trolled it as ‘third rate’

Another day , another target for Donald Trump ’ s ire on Twitter .
This time it was Vanity Fair @ @ @ @ @ so-called president ’ s extraordinary intellect and world-leading response to coronavirus .
We ’ re @ @ @ @ @ this story that got his goat .
Or ( our favourite ) this one .
@ @ @ @ @ went on Twitter and had a rant .
And the magazine ’ s response was @ @ @ @ @ this on Twitter and it got even better .
And just a few of the @ @ @ @ @ it .
Thanks for all the new subscribers , Mr President .

Twitter
Another day, another target for Donald Trump’s ire on Twitter. This time it was Vanity Fair which dared to question the so-called president’s extraordinary intellect and world-leading response to coronavirus.
We’re not sure if it was this story that got his goat.
Or (our favourite) this one.
Either way, he naturally went on Twitter and had a rant.
Vanity Fair Magazine, which will soon be out of business, and their third rate Fake reporters, who make up sources which don’t exist, wrote yet another phony & boring hit piece. The facts are just the opposite. Our team is doing a great job with CoronaVirus! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 11, 2020
And the magazine’s response was 10/10.
Subscribe to third rate Fake news 😘 https://t.co/WuaJgm167l https://t.co/oaQgLu9QBi — VANITY FAIR (@VanityFair) March 11, 2020
Then they did this on Twitter and it got even better.
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
You said Vanity Fair would go out of business three years ago. You are an incontinent fool. — Jeffrey Guterman (@JeffreyGuterman) March 11, 2020
I am going to donate a subscription to Donald Trump. — Donna Vita Corleone (@Donvito1492) March 11, 2020
i got u 👇 pic.twitter.com/P4uzxy7xYy — Caroline Amenabar 🍒🍉 (@mscarose) March 11, 2020
Thanks for all the new subscribers, Mr President.
READ MORE
Our 16 favourite Donald Trump magazine covers


thepoke--2020-03-12--We doubt there’s a queue to contact whoever made this creepy and racist dating ad

It ’ s commonplace now to find dates via apps and websites , as well as out in the real @ @ @ @ @ s not so common to see ads printed up like a missing cat notice .
@ @ @ @ @ to find someone with such a long list of objectionable requirements .
We expect his @ @ @ @ @ the hook , particularly with all those Europeens just dying to find a middle-aged racist @ @ @ @ @ Reddit thought of the choosing beggar .
Someone calling themself u/AmbivalentAsshole was less ambivalent about @ @ @ @ @ This honest dating profile takes honest dating profiles to a new level

Weird World
It’s commonplace now to find dates via apps and websites, as well as out in the real world, but it’s not so common to see ads printed up like a missing cat notice.
It’s equally rare to find someone with such a long list of objectionable requirements.
We expect his phone has been ringing off the hook, particularly with all those Europeens just dying to find a middle-aged racist husband.
This is what Reddit thought of the choosing beggar.
Someone calling themself u/AmbivalentAsshole was less ambivalent about the creepy ad guy.
Relatable.
READ MORE
This honest dating profile takes honest dating profiles to a new level
Source r/ChoosingBeggars Image Giphy


thepoke--2020-03-12--Kate Beckinsale shared her encounter with Harvey Weinstein and it’s horrific

After Harvey Weinstein was jailed for 23 years , actress Kate Beckinsale has gone onto Instagram to share just one @ @ @ @ @ many encounters with the disgraced movie mogul .
And it went viral on Twitter because @ @ @ @ @ horrific .
And here were just a few of the things people were saying about @ @

Popular
After Harvey Weinstein was jailed for 23 years, actress Kate Beckinsale has gone onto Instagram to share just one of what she said was many encounters with the disgraced movie mogul.
And it went viral on Twitter because it’s just so horrific.
And here were just a few of the things people were saying about it.
it’s genuinely breathtaking how each story just reveals an extra facility for absolute awfulness — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) March 12, 2020
This man is the devil. How one person had so much power is terrifying. https://t.co/GFtWnq5Aiu — Jessica Davies (@_JessicaDavies) March 12, 2020
What’s even worse is the terrible backlash she got from people on Instagram for this post, couldn’t believe people were actually blaming her or calling her out for not speaking up earlier. They clearly do not have a clue! — Claire (@Coveney5000) March 12, 2020
Source Twitter @evawiseman Instagram katebeckinsale


thepoke--2020-03-12--Jurgen Klopp has the perfect response for anyone who tries to high five or shake his hand

There was lots of love earlier this month for Jurgen Klopp when he was asked for his take on the @ @ @ @ @ manager is still leading the way if last night ’ s Champions League match against @ @ @ @ @ go by .
First of all there was his NSFW response for fans who held @ @ @ @ @ high five .
And then there was this moment when opposition manager Diego Simeone held @ @ @ @ @ wasn ’ t having any of that either and his response was 10/10 .
Jurgen @ @ @ @ @ the coronavirus is just one more reason to love him

Videos
There was lots of love earlier this month for Jurgen Klopp when he was asked for his take on the coronavirus.
And the Liverpool manager is still leading the way if last night’s Champions League match against Atletico Madrid was anything to go by.
First of all there was his NSFW response for fans who held out their hand for a high five.
“Put your hands away you f-cking idiots”
And then there was this moment when opposition manager Diego Simeone held out his hand. Klopp wasn’t having any of that either and his response was 10/10.
Be more Klopp.
READ MORE
Jurgen Klopp’s take on the coronavirus is just one more reason to love him
Source Twitter @brfootball @nocontextfooty


thepoke--2020-03-12--Bob Mortimer’s latest Train Guy might be his best yet

Bob Mortimer ‘ s evolving Twitter character , Train Guy , just keeps going from strength to strength , and @ @ @ @ @ to petition to get him a regular TV slot .
In the meantime , he @ @ @ @ @ clip online , and it could be the funniest so far .
How can a @ @ @ @ @ and yet so utterly believable ?
We aren ’ t the only ones who love @ @ @ @ @ As a special treat – here ’ s another one .
Bob Mortimer ’ s @ @ @ @ @ is very funny , but far too realistic

Videos
Bob Mortimer‘s evolving Twitter character, Train Guy, just keeps going from strength to strength, and we’re wondering who to petition to get him a regular TV slot.
In the meantime, he’s dropped another hilarious clip online, and it could be the funniest so far.
Train Guy…Orange Polo Neck pic.twitter.com/gINdbgcY7v — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) March 11, 2020
“He wants us to deep dive and saturate ourselves in some going forward achievables.”
How can a statement be so ludicrous, and yet so utterly believable?
We aren’t the only ones who love this, of course.
"You are, as always, an Edwardian cockerel." https://t.co/XwJvDWD5J3 — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 11, 2020
I NEED TO MEET COL!!!!! — Arron Crascall (@arron_crascall) March 11, 2020
Train guy is the highlight of my week — Lauren 🇸🇪🇩🇪🇨🇭 (@lauren14smith_) March 11, 2020
Train Guy is just another highlight in the absolute gold mine that is Bob Mortimer's career. https://t.co/kwIDkAneSU — Yung Shagga (@gametimecleasby) March 11, 2020
In the midst of coronavirus panic, this is the video I've been waiting all week for. Just when we all could do with a laugh. Arise sir train guy. — Craig (@clangsta) March 11, 2020
As a special treat – here’s another one.
Train Guy Valentine Salami pic.twitter.com/ZgHeeKBAnK — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) February 6, 2020
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s “train guy” parody is very funny, but far too realistic
Source Bob Mortimer Image Bob Mortimer


thepoke--2020-03-12--Tom Hanks has got coronavirus and the entire internet is sending him their love – 13 favourite respo

Tom Hanks has got coronavirus and the entire internet is sending him their love – 13 favourite responses

Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson have been diagnosed with coronavirus while filming in Australia .
The 63 y/o @ @ @ @ @ Australia filming a Baz Luhrmann movie about Elvis Presley , wrote on Instagram that he @ @ @ @ @ ‘ a bit tired , like we had colds ’ .
They arranged to be @ @ @ @ @ having been ‘ found to be positive ’ .
And there was an outpouring of @ @ @ @ @ great man all over the world , always heartfelt and occasionally funny too .
Here @ @ @ @ @ internet can ’ t decide if this is a photo of Tom Hanks or Bill @

Twitter
Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson have been diagnosed with coronavirus while filming in Australia.
The 63 y/o Oscar winner, currently in Australia filming a Baz Luhrmann movie about Elvis Presley, wrote on Instagram that he and Wilson had been feeling ‘a bit tired, like we had colds’.
They arranged to be tested and are now self-isolating having been ‘found to be positive’.
And there was an outpouring of love and affection for the great man all over the world, always heartfelt and occasionally funny too.
Here are our favourites.
1.
Imagine being the corona virus and having the nerve – THE TEMERITY! THE BALLS!!! – to infect Tom Hanks! TOM HANKS! That's America's FATHER you fucking scrub ass virus — Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerBMD) March 12, 2020
2.
me being told I could get infected with a serious disease: “alright fine I’ll wash my hands or whatever” me being told Tom Hanks got infected with a series disease: “Get me a fucking test tube, a flask, and a Bunsen burner because we solving this TONIGHT” — Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) March 12, 2020
3.
Tom Hanks has survived… • World War II
• Vietnam War
• a place crash
• being stranded on an island
• being stranded in space
• jumping into a volcano
• kidnapping by a Somalian pirate
• multiple heartbreaks … I'm pretty sure he's got #Coronavirus covered! pic.twitter.com/bmFTYgYkZA — Dan Clark (@DanClarkSports) March 12, 2020
4.
Laughing at all the coronavirus jokes and then seeing Tom Hanks is sick pic.twitter.com/0zsOZcfM4H — Ward (@LawrWard) March 12, 2020
5.
Leading by example as always, this is some next level self-isolation from Tom Hanks. pic.twitter.com/lOWO12z6GH — Sir Bob (@SirBob1892) March 12, 2020
6.
SO YALL TELLING ME THAT CORONAVIRUS INFECTED TOM HANKS AND NOT DONALD TRUMP pic.twitter.com/lZNprvGVBN — Dima⁷ (@DimaK_97) March 12, 2020
7.
The fact Tom Hanks has coronavirus and Donald Trump doesn’t definitively proves I don’t exist. — God (@thegoodgodabove) March 12, 2020
8.
https://twitter.com/ribelliaj/status/1237980517582004224?s=20
9.
out of all men it had to be tom hanks, i hate it here pic.twitter.com/VyFfDDW38G — laura (@alcantrafa) March 12, 2020
10.
me pushing the coronavirus out of tom hanks pic.twitter.com/ZSNvKz5ZPy — gina (@eyesvvideshut) March 12, 2020
11.
NO NOT TOM HANKS ANYONE IN THE WORLD BUT TOM HANKS — Mykie (@GlamandGore) March 12, 2020
12.
Literally the short list of people who I wish nothing bad would happen to EVER is: 1) my family
2) innocent children
3) Tom Hanks — Eugene Lee Yang (@EugeneLeeYang) March 12, 2020
13.
Tom Hanks’ post is the first time I’ve seen anyone actually describe the symptoms of coronavirus #COVID19 properly what an educational king. Hope he gets better soon!! pic.twitter.com/LIgLVGuis0 — ZzzZzzZzz (@BETIMOOARTZ) March 12, 2020
PS
Just found out that Tom Hanks is married to Rita WILSON. — twitch.tv/Limmy (@DaftLimmy) March 12, 2020
FROM HAPPIER TIMES …
The internet can’t decide if this is a photo of Tom Hanks or Bill Murray
Image BBC screengrab Instagram


thepoke--2020-03-12--Want to watch Sarah Palin rap Baby Got Back? Neither did we – but we can’t stop

Former Governor of Alaska , Sarah Palin , is probably best known for various aspects of her right-wing outlook , @ @ @ @ @ for Donald Trump , guns , and slavishly obeying the bible , unless it ’ @ @ @ @ @ t want to do , like helping the poor .
What we didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ she is prepared to dress up as a cartoon bear and rap Sir-Mix-A-Lot ’ s @ @ @ @ @ .
On reflection , we wish we were still in blissful ignorance .
US Twitter @ @ @ @ @ the woods , presumably .
Now we come to think of it , this might @ @ @ @ @ she ’ s ever done .
Donald Trump invites Sarah Palin to the White House @ @ @ @ @ meme of the day

Twitter
Former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is probably best known for various aspects of her right-wing outlook, such as her full-throated support for Donald Trump, guns, and slavishly obeying the bible, unless it’s stuff she doesn’t want to do, like helping the poor.
What we didn’t know about her was that she is prepared to dress up as a cartoon bear and rap Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”. On reflection, we wish we were still in blissful ignorance.
US Twitter lost its shit – in the woods, presumably.
TV was a mistake pic.twitter.com/2hWoCdgzrR — Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) March 12, 2020
Sarah Palin just rapped Baby Got Back on The Masked Singer and you guys are trying to STOP the virus?? pic.twitter.com/dFgbCg7dJd — Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) March 12, 2020
Sarah Palin is rapping on national television. Tom Hanks has coronavirus. God SAID fuck ya’ll to the human race. Period. pic.twitter.com/fFSCInqqkw — Joey Nolfi (@joeynolfi) March 12, 2020
Now we come to think of it, this might be the least offensive thing she’s ever done.
READ MORE
Donald Trump invites Sarah Palin to the White House – it’s the meme of the day
Source The Masked Singer Image The Masked Singer