thepoke--2020-09-29--Nick Hewer went ‘full Partridge’ on a Countdown contestant and it’s brutal

We haven ’ t watched Countdown for a while but either it ’ s a very different show to the @ @ @ @ @ presenter Nick Hewer simply didn ’ t mean to be quite so brutal as he @ @ @ @ @ course it ended up featured on the always followable ‘ Accidental Partridge ’ account on @ @ @ @ @ the WTF moment , but not quite so WTF as this ( for very different @ @ @ @ @ shared 10 years of rude words on Countdown and it ’ s a thing of @

Entertainment
We haven’t watched Countdown for a while but either it’s a very different show to the one we remember, or presenter Nick Hewer simply didn’t mean to be quite so brutal as he is here.
How nice of Nick Hewer to go full @AccidentalP on the impressive Chris Johnston on today’s Countdown! #Skinniest pic.twitter.com/tNthp1EAL9 — Paul Sexstone (@pompeypaul72) September 28, 2020
I’ve got six letters, Nick. S-A-V-A-G-E.
And of course it ended up featured on the always followable ‘Accidental Partridge’ account on Twitter.
Oof, you can see what he was going for but he just didn't get there — bensaunders (@bensaunders__) September 28, 2020
I'll bet Nick still finds that moment on heavy rotation in his head during sleepless, god forsaken moments in the wee small hours of the morning. — Captain Easychord (@sudden_stars) September 29, 2020
AWKWARD AS FUCK — 404 Lady Not Found (@BigAuntieMeg) September 28, 2020
It was quite the WTF moment, but not quite so WTF as this (for very different reasons).
If you think you’re a maths wizard, get a load of this guy. #Countdown pic.twitter.com/KHTuYqL7lv — Channel 4 (@Channel4) March 19, 2018
READ MORE
Rachel Riley shared 10 years of rude words on Countdown and it’s a thing of beauty
Source @pompeypaul72
H/T @AccidentalP


thepoke--2020-09-29--This supercut of Martin Roberts playing an invisible piano is today’s funniest thing

Over on Twitter , writer and long-time Harry Hill collaborator Daniel Maier noticed something about Homes Under the Hammer presenter @ @ @ @ @ said ‘ why did you want to buy this place ’ .
Lots of people @ @ @ @ @ Greg James wondered what it would sound like with piano noises added … … and @ @ @ @ @ found out .
Follow @ danielmaier on Twitter now !
And you find @ rhodri @ @ @ @ @ .
Nothing to see here – except a supercut of Dion Dublin explaining where stairs @

Videos
Over on Twitter, writer and long-time Harry Hill collaborator Daniel Maier noticed something about Homes Under the Hammer presenter Martin Roberts every time he said ‘why did you want to buy this place’.
And it’s just brilliant.
Martin Roberts’s Invisible ‘Why Did You Want To Buy This Place?’ Piano. pic.twitter.com/CsW0YmByck — Daniel Maier (@danielmaier) September 28, 2020
Lots of people including Radio 1 breakfast DJ Greg James wondered what it would sound like with piano noises added …
PLEASE CAN SOMEONE EDIT IN MAD PIANO SOUNDS THIS IS AMAZING https://t.co/g7p8CqR27E — Greg James (@gregjames) September 29, 2020
… and thanks to @rhodri they found out.
Wonderful.
The clip was the cheese, @rhodri was the mouse. Terrific, inevitable work. https://t.co/GqKF1ZV7hv — Daniel Maier (@danielmaier) September 29, 2020
Follow @danielmaier on Twitter here, and @rhodri on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Nothing to see here – except a supercut of Dion Dublin explaining where stairs go
Source Twitter @danielmaier


thepoke--2020-09-29--The only 5 responses you need to the U-turn on the Parliament bars’ curfew exemption

On Monday , news broke that the bars in the Houses of Parliament would not be subject to the same @ @ @ @ @ of the country , because they were being counted as staff canteens , which are @ @ @ @ @ surprise , surprise – there was an outcry , with the exemption being seen as @ @ @ @ @ ” rule , like being allowed to drive symptomatic people from London to Durham .
@ @ @ @ @ was amended , halting the sale of alcohol in the building at 10 .
These @ @ @ @ @ .
Tom Peck foresaw the effect of closing the bars earlier than usual .
Parliament @ @ @ @ @ from the 10pm curfew – only 5 responses you need

Twitter
On Monday, news broke that the bars in the Houses of Parliament would not be subject to the same 10pm curfew as the rest of the country, because they were being counted as staff canteens, which are similarly exempt.
Well – surprise, surprise – there was an outcry, with the exemption being seen as another “us versus them” rule, like being allowed to drive symptomatic people from London to Durham.
Within hours, the policy was amended, halting the sale of alcohol in the building at 10.
This is not a U-turn. It is simply a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that we got caught behaving like a bunch of entitled pricks.
Again.#oneruleforthem https://t.co/WXeeIRZaAX — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) September 28, 2020
These five reactions absolutely nailed it.
1.
Rather than making all these U turns how about doing it, by yourselves, in the first place? https://t.co/MDN6oyy1j1 — Otto English (@Otto_English) September 28, 2020
2.
Quite right too. They should all have to pop to the nearest off-licence and then go back to someone's house like the rest of us. https://t.co/NliTCSZKwP — Adrian Hilton (@Adrian_Hilton) September 28, 2020
3.
4.
It would have made more sense to abandon the 10pm curfew across the country, but okay. https://t.co/XV00Zu5WY1 — Anshul (@Anshul__K) September 28, 2020
5.
Would it be too absolutely bizarre to imagine that 'workplace canteens' might not serve alcohol at all? https://t.co/k4YJPHJTrd — Sophie Ward (@sophieannaward) September 28, 2020
Tom Peck foresaw the effect of closing the bars earlier than usual.
You mark my words. At 10pm tonight they’ll be rushing straight to the offy, then getting on each other’s shoulders singing Rule Britannia in Parliament Square. Then there’ll be another lockdown. https://t.co/SSysSkiFp9 — Tom Peck (@tompeck) September 28, 2020
READ MORE
Parliament’s bars are exempt from the 10pm curfew – only 5 responses you need
Source Mirror Image Michael Poe and Marcin Novak on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-29--17 ‘Uninspirational’ posters that just make sense for 2020

The @ Uninspirational Instagram account is the embodiment of 2020 – brutal .
If you ’ re feeling more “ @ @ @ @ @ ” than “ Live .
Laugh .
Love.
“ , these are the uninspirational quotes @ @ @

Pics
The @Uninspirational Instagram account is the embodiment of the time we’re living through – brutal.
If you’re feeling more “Work. Cry. Sleep.” than “Live. Laugh. Love.“, these are the uninspirational quotes for you.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.


thepoke--2020-09-29--Simon Brodkin’s coronavirus statement is a lot more believable than Matt Hancock’s

If you ’ ve ever wondered what it would be like if a politician stood up and told the unadulterated @ @ @ @ @ re managing the coronavirus crisis , it could very well be a lot like this @ @ @ @ @ Brodkin – the man who handed Theresa May her P45 at the Tory conference – @ @ @ @ @ of delivery , even though his message is rather more honest than we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ just a few of the best reactions we saw .
TikTok user @ lizjaneeriksen had @ @ @ @ @ of the system .
That P45 handed to Theresa May in full

Videos
If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like if a politician stood up and told the unadulterated truth about how they’re managing the coronavirus crisis, it could very well be a lot like this.
Character comedian, Simon Brodkin – the man who handed Theresa May her P45 at the Tory conference – has absolutely nailed the manner of delivery, even though his message is rather more honest than we’re used to.
Here are just a few of the best reactions we saw.
TikTok user @lizjaneeriksen had a proposal for a rename of the system.
To conclude –
READ MORE
That P45 handed to Theresa May in full
Source Simon Brodkin Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-29--This 2019 clip of Jon Snow tearing Matt Hancock a new one is – sadly – as relevant as ever

Back in March 2019 , Channel 4 ’ s Jon Snow gave Health Secretary a proper dressing down over the @ @ @ @ @ , and it was a thing of beauty .
Sadly , that same criticism could @ @ @ @ @ ’ s news , only this time it would have been about the Covid-19 chaos @ @ @ @ @ seeing Hancock ’ s guppy impression , and we very much enjoyed their reactions .
@ @ @ @ @ the lines .
Seems more than feasible .
Jon Snow taking down Matt Hancock over @ @ @ @ @ nation right now

Videos
Back in March 2019, Channel 4’s Jon Snow gave Health Secretary a proper dressing down over the government’s Brexit chaos, and it was a thing of beauty.
Watch for yourself.
From March 2019. Nothing changes.@jonsnowC4 to Matt Hancock: “Nobody in the country knows what’s going on… And you know nothing about what’s going on, even inside the Cabinet. The Cabinet is at sea. The country is at sea. We are a laughing stock.”pic.twitter.com/rWed4AO7tw — Damon Evans (@damocrat) September 28, 2020
The country is at sea. We are a laughing stock.
Sadly, that same criticism could have come from last night’s news, only this time it would have been about the Covid-19 chaos.
Twitter very much enjoyed seeing Hancock’s guppy impression, and we very much enjoyed their reactions.
1.
That moment when you've had enough of their shit pic.twitter.com/pSKpDZyHqB — Jim (@Barcajim3) September 28, 2020
2.
you’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down but most of all you’ve let yourself down pic.twitter.com/61SM3RjfsS — three steaks pam (@alexandrakuri) September 28, 2020
3.
4.
5.
If you watch closely, you can see the exact moment he pinches off the shit that will reside in his underpants for the remainder of the interview pic.twitter.com/38qkfxxRIc — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) September 28, 2020
6.
Jon Snow telling Matt Hancock that winter is coming. pic.twitter.com/EbZM5RVtbE — Luke Addis (@mrlkdds) September 28, 2020
7.
Jon Snow: you know nothing Matt Hancock 🔥 https://t.co/E6zY1t3zqU — dave ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) September 28, 2020
The inimitable Max read between the lines.
Huge fan of the way Jon Snow makes the words, “Secretary of State, you know as well as I do,” sound like, “Now look here, you steaming flagon of spunk…” — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) September 28, 2020
Seems more than feasible.
READ MORE
Jon Snow taking down Matt Hancock over Brexit speaks for the entire nation right now
Source Channel 4 News via Damon Evans Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-29--Eric Trump’s attempt to defend his dad backfired horribly – 8 brutal comebacks

After the New York Times revealed Trump ‘ s tax returns were a veritable skip fire of losses , spurious @ @ @ @ @ his son , Eric , tried to deflect negative attention onto Trump ’ s electoral @ @ @ @ @ He couldn ’ t have asked a worse question if he ’ d planned to @ @ @ @ @ he did .
Perhaps it was payback for sending him to bed too early or @ @ @ @ @ Who knows ?
Whatever the intent – this was the result .
Cary Elwes hinted @ @ @ @ @ called to give evidence .
But this comment went straight for the personal .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ paid very little tax for 20 years – 11 brutal owns

Twitter
After the New York Times revealed Trump‘s tax returns were a veritable skip fire of losses, spurious claims and wide-scale avoidance, his son, Eric, tried to deflect negative attention onto Trump’s electoral opponent, Joe Biden.
When was the last time Biden donated his salary back to the federal government? Asking for a friend… — Eric Trump (@EricTrump) September 28, 2020
He couldn’t have asked a worse question if he’d planned to sabotage his dad. Maybe he did. Perhaps it was payback for sending him to bed too early or making him eat fish. Who knows?
Whatever the intent – this was the result.
1.
When's the last time your dad took a taxpayer-funded trip to his own golf course? HINT: It was YESTERDAY. BONUS: When's the last time your dad paid his fair share of taxes. HINT: It was NEVER. — BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) September 28, 2020
2.
I'd give away my 400k salary too if I didn't have to pay tens/hundreds of millions in taxes. https://t.co/by5Gvb9KvV — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) September 28, 2020
3.
when was the last time Biden had to shut down his charity and be forbidden from operating another one and also take a class in "how not to steal" because he was caught diverting money raised in the name of children with cancer. asking for a friend — Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) September 28, 2020
4.
Trump's golf trips have cost American taxpayers over $141 million. https://t.co/kecX76WfFU — MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) September 28, 2020
5.
When was the last time Biden ran a hotel within walking distance of the White House that operates on federal property the president leases to himself and is a draw for payments from anyone wanting to curry favor with the Oval Office? Asking for a country… https://t.co/7g5t9AHCvZ — Tim O'Brien (@TimOBrien) September 28, 2020
6.
When was the last time Biden claimed $70,000 in expenses…for his wig? https://t.co/0DFzZjcmqq — Otto English (@Otto_English) September 28, 2020
7.
Watching the Trump lads abase themselves for a whisper of affection from a dad who would gladly have them ground into cat food in exchange for two shots off his golf handicap would be tragic, if they weren’t such scumbags deserving of every ounce of misery fate can toss their way — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) September 28, 2020
8.
Nobody should be praised for putting $5 in the tip jar right after they robbed the register. https://t.co/EQabToN5ao — John Amenta (@Zansam) September 28, 2020
Cary Elwes hinted that Eric Trump may be called to give evidence.
Don’t you have a deposition to be at? Asking for @NewYorkStateAG — Cary Elwes (@Cary_Elwes) September 28, 2020
But this comment went straight for the personal.
YOU'RE LYING: You don't HAVE any friends, Gummy McJuicebox. — BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) September 28, 2020
>
via Gfycat
READ MORE
Trump’s returns show he paid very little tax for 20 years – 11 brutal owns
Source Eric Trump Image Eric Trump, Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-29--Boris Johnson just got his own Covid rules wrong (again) – only 6 responses you need

Boris Johnson was asked about the government ’ s lockdown rules in the north-east of England today and you may @ @ @ @ @ learn he got them wrong .
The prime minister added to what appears to be @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Covid rules by suggesting the “ rule of six ” limiting public gatherings @ @ @ @ @ north-east England .
Here ’ s what he later had to say on Twitter .
@ @ @ @ @ what people made of that .
And because they kept on coming … This 2019 @ @ @ @ @ Matt Hancock a new one is – sadly – as relevant as ever

News
Boris Johnson was asked about the government’s lockdown rules in the north-east of England today and you may not be entirely surprised to learn he got them wrong.
The prime minister added to what appears to be widespread confusion about the government’s Covid rules by suggesting the “rule of six” limiting public gatherings does not apply outdoors in north-east England.
Can people in NE England meet other households in a pub garden? The PM is asked to clarify new restrictions set for parts of north-east England "Follow the guidance of local authorities," says Boris Johnson, "as I understand it, it’s not six outside”https://t.co/gjNb9xu56m pic.twitter.com/tkxBW2Sdxa — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) September 29, 2020
Here’s what he later had to say on Twitter.
Apologies, I misspoke today. In the North East, new rules mean you cannot meet people from different households in social settings indoors, including in pubs, restaurants and your home. You should also avoid socialising with other households outside. (1/2) — Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) September 29, 2020
This is vital to control the spread of coronavirus and keep everyone safe. If you are in a high risk area, please continue to follow the guidelines from local authorities. (2/2) — Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) September 29, 2020
And here’s exactly what people made of that.
1.
“I misspoke today” is an odd way of saying: “I do not have a fucking clue”. https://t.co/WMQtMG8Y6r — Jonathan Pie (@JonathanPieNews) September 29, 2020
2.
“The rules are very simple” [later] “I told people in the north east today to do something illegal which would result in fines of up to £10,000 (1/17)” — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 29, 2020
3.
You didn't 'misspeak' – you didn't know your own rules that you're forcing on people, because you're a total shambles & so are your inconsistent ill-thought out rules. https://t.co/RikudvVstm — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) September 29, 2020
4.
So as I said, the rules are very simple. You'd have to be really stupid to misunderstand them and give millions of people the wrong advice. https://t.co/gY5pjrVdlJ — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) September 29, 2020
5.
While you’re at it, could you also apologise for telling people to shake hands at the peak of infection, causing 30,000 avoidable deaths by locking down late, not testing when it was the ONE thing the @WHO said to do, undermining public compliance by backing Cummings, and Brexit? — Femi (@Femi_Sorry) September 29, 2020
6.
To be fair to Boris Johnson, I have absolutely no idea what the rules are either. I can understand why he's struggling with the confused messaging from [checks notes] himself. — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) September 29, 2020
And because they kept on coming …
#LarryTranslatesPoliticians
“I misspoke” = “I didn’t know the answer to a question that I should have done, so I pretended I did. I don’t want to admit that I made a serious mistake and gave people false information, so I’m pretending it’s akin to mispronouncing a word” https://t.co/XEQYAeUz2X — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 29, 2020
I'm so confused I don't even really know what a 6 is anymore. — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) September 29, 2020
READ MORE
This 2019 clip of Jon Snow tearing Matt Hancock a new one is – sadly – as relevant as ever


thepoke--2020-09-29--‘The Great British Bake Off’s Noel Fielding as cakes’ is deliciously well done

The Great British Bake Off is back on Channel 4 as you can ’ t possibly have failed to notice @ @ @ @ @ to fill the time until the next episode than this thread of Noel Fielding as @ @ @ @ @ been done by @ Pandamoanimum who ’ s very good at this and many other @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter here ) .

Celebrity
The Great British Bake Off is back on Channel 4 as you can’t possibly have failed to notice, and what better way to fill the time until the next episode than this thread of Noel Fielding as cakes.
It’s been done by @Pandamoanimum who’s very good at this and many other things besides (follow her on Twitter here).
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.


thepoke--2020-09-29--Homes Under the Hammer’s Martin Roberts has a very funny habit and this supercut is brilliant

Over on Twitter , writer and long-time Harry Hill collaborator Daniel Maier noticed something about Homes Under the Hammer presenter @ @ @ @ @ said ‘ why did you want to buy this place ’ .
Lots of people @ @ @ @ @ Greg James wondered what it would sound like with piano noises added … … and @ @ @ @ @ found out .
Follow @ danielmaier on Twitter here , and @ rhodri on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ here – except a supercut of Dion Dublin explaining where stairs go


thepoke--2020-09-30--This referee’s response when he saw himself on the big screen is surely all of us

Just a very funny moment and a brilliant spot shared on Twitter , this referee ’ s response when he @ @ @ @ @ on the big screen .
It was spotted by @ OlanDaly and shared on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ well , have a watch for yourself .
Subtle but significant , and the longer @ @ @ @ @ more relatable that gets .
You won ’ t see a worse ( or more @ @ @ @ @ football all season

Videos
Just a very funny moment and a brilliant spot shared on Twitter, this referee’s response when he looked up and spotted himself on the big screen.
It was spotted by @OlanDaly and shared on Twitter by @murrayg9 and, well, have a watch for yourself.
This makes me 🤣🤣 when you spot yourself on TV pic.twitter.com/q4qYFb2b4X — George Murray (@murrayg9) September 29, 2020
Subtle but significant, and the longer lockdown goes on, the more relatable that gets.
THIS IS ONE OF THE GREAT REFEREE MOMENTS https://t.co/Mhkz8wp9O9 — Andy McGeady (@andymcgeady) September 29, 2020
READ MORE
You won’t see a worse (or more comical) 19 seconds of football all season
Source @OlanDaly @murrayg9


thepoke--2020-09-30--Unfortunate timing for Harry Potter fans, very funny for everyone else

Reminded us of these people who were really , really excited about seeing the Flying Scotsman .
‘ Imagine waiting @ @ @ @ @ and then see this ’

Videos
Well, that’s unfortunate.
Harry Potter fans were left disappointed as a commuter train passed through the station at the same time as the steam train which served as the Hogwarts Express 🚂🚄 More here: https://t.co/Kd0UZfHMIr pic.twitter.com/jjlsxaxEJZ — SkyNews (@SkyNews) September 29, 2020
Reminded us of these people who were really, really excited about seeing the Flying Scotsman.
Better luck next time.
READ MORE
‘Imagine waiting 5 minutes at railway crossing and then see this’
Source @SkyNews


thepoke--2020-09-30--Gary Lineker had the best gag about Piers Morgan’s Spitting Image puppet

Piers Morgan would have been far more upset by not being featured in the new incarnation of Spitting Image than @ @ @ @ @ puppet .
It ’ s pretty good , though , we have to say .
@ @ @ @ @ ’ s Twitter nemesis Gary Lineker who had the best gag .
An open goal @ @ @ @ @ but he still had to put it away .
And just in case you , @ @ @ @ @ wondering … We think Priti Patel ’ s probably our favourite .
Here ’ s @ @ @ @ @ series ( including a mildly NSFW finish ) .
Gary Lineker had the last word @ @ @ @ @ ’ Piers Morgan over Meghan Markle

Pics
Piers Morgan would have been far more upset by not being featured in the new incarnation of Spitting Image than he might be by his puppet.
It’s pretty good, though, we have to say.
And it was Piers Morgan’s Twitter nemesis Gary Lineker who had the best gag.
The first time I can recall a spitting image puppet to be actually quite flattering, @piersmorgan pic.twitter.com/kHPDu2orCm — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) September 30, 2020
An open goal, you might think, but he still had to put it away. And just in case you, like this person, was wondering …
Of all the new bunch, we think Priti Patel’s probably our favourite.
Here’s the trailer for the new series (including a mildly NSFW finish).
READ MORE
Gary Lineker had the last word after calling out ‘weird’ Piers Morgan over Meghan Markle
Source @GaryLineker


thepoke--2020-09-30--This guy frantically trying to guess paint colours is the content we needed today

Here ’ s a minute or so to take the edge off everything else right now .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ChristianHull who is , by all accounts , getting rather good at guessing the colour @ @ @ @ @ various ingredients .
And it ’ s not only the walls that it ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ when he said his TikTok was full of this sort of thing he really wasn @ @ @ @ @ dog ’ s not happy with such a tiny portion and , well , just @

Videos
Here’s a minute or so to take the edge off everything else right now.
It’s an Australian chap called @christianhull who is, by all accounts, getting rather good at guessing the colour of paints according to their various ingredients.
And it’s not only the walls that it’ll be brightening up.
Guessing paint colours for the last few days now and I’m getting pretty bloody good! pic.twitter.com/1t4BVnWhX5 — Christian Hull (@christianhull) September 27, 2020
Fabulous!
You didn’t realise that you needed this in your life. I’m here to tell you that you do. https://t.co/piTXDJ3tjC — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) September 30, 2020
I used to be a paint mixer. This is amazing and relatable content. I haven’t laughed this hard in months 🤣 — Nadia F (@Nadiabadia10) September 29, 2020
“The perfect man does not exi- https://t.co/4B4BtQ4Iwg — Sally Rugg (@sallyrugg) September 30, 2020
Well, you’re my new favorite person in the entire world. — KBeth Chafes (@annacajun) September 29, 2020
And when he said his TikTok was full of this sort of thing he really wasn’t kidding.
READ MORE
This dog’s not happy with such a tiny portion and, well, just watch
Source Twitter @christianhull TikTok


thepoke--2020-09-30--This 3-point summary on CNN of the first presidential debate totally nails it

As you can ’ t fail to have noticed by now we ’ ve just had the first US presidential @ @ @ @ @ live up even to the lowliest of expectations .
And if you didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ it – why would you ?
– this 3-point summary of it on CNN , @ @ @ @ @ Van Jones , absolutely nails it .
It went wildly viral on Twitter .
And @ @ @ @ @ ( no , not Trump ) .
The only 5 reactions you need to how @ @ @ @ @ greeted their wives after the debate

Videos
As you can’t fail to have noticed by now we’ve just had the first US presidential debate and it failed to live up even to the lowliest of expectations.
And if you didn’t get a chance to watch it – why would you? – this 3-point summary of it on CNN, by lawyer and news commentator Van Jones, absolutely nails it.
.@VanJones68 summarized the debate perfectly. pic.twitter.com/9qaGVeGNqe — Jordon Brown Snarker of Tweets First of His Name (@THEJordonBrown) September 30, 2020
It went wildly viral on Twitter.
This. 1000 this. Everyone else needs to be quiet and listen. Especially in this moment. pic.twitter.com/D5XxwHb54I — Jason Kint (@jason_kint) September 30, 2020
And here is the man himself (no, not Trump).
Only three things happened tonight: 1. #DonaldTrump refused to condemn white supremacy.
2. The #POTUS refused to condemn white supremacy.
3. The #CommanderInChief REFUSED to condemn white supremacy on the GLOBAL STAGE. NOW LOOK AT WHAT IS HAPPENING ONLINE.
THIS IS NOT OKAY. pic.twitter.com/OhANFUYqNS — Van Jones (@VanJones68) September 30, 2020
READ MORE
The only 5 reactions you need to how Donald Trump and Joe Biden greeted their wives after the debate
Source @VanJones68


thepoke--2020-09-30--This chef’s Boris Johnson burn was super subtle and so much better for it

You ’ d have to have been paying proper attention to BBC News to spot this chef ’ s Boris @ @ @ @ @ it so much more rewarding .
It ’ s not necessarily the wording that ’ @ @ @ @ @ placement , as captured in this screengrab shared by @ D4NXIII on Twitter .
It @ @ @ @ @ head chef and co-owner of the Bistro Forty Six in Jesmond , who was on @ @ @ @ @ McCoy about the lockdown restrictions in the north-east of England .
Just in case you @ @ @ @ @ it yet ( of course you have ) here it is highlighted .
And just @ @ @ @ @ people were saying about it .

Pics
You’d have to have been paying proper attention to BBC News to spot this chef’s Boris Johnson burn and that made it so much more rewarding.
It’s not necessarily the wording that’s subtle, just the placement, as captured in this screengrab shared by @D4NXIII on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/D4NXIII/status/1311006153447534593?s=20
It’s Max Gott, head chef and co-owner of the Bistro Forty Six in Newcastle, who was on BBC News talking to Simon McCoy about the lockdown restrictions in the north-east of England.
Just in case you still haven’t spotted it yet here it is highlighted, a picture of Boris Johnson stuck on a wall chart of ‘British tits’.
Max is not a big fan of the prime minister or his coronavirus guidelines, by the looks of his Twitter feed.
Dear @BorisJohnson
We are running at 40% capacity. Even if we are full 7 days a week we will not break even. Its physically not possible for us to make money under current guidance. We need help!
You absolute weapon.
Much love
Every independent restaurant
X — Max Gott (@Chef_Gotty) August 1, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
Look carefully.. it is tremendous pic.twitter.com/hrOgn2sFOB — L A U R A (@FireladySnail) September 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/VMortonXX/status/1310941117416964098?s=20
Hilarious!!! The professionalism of the BBC News presenter sliding across the poster of Great British Tits in the background!!! #bbcnews #BorisJohnson #britishtits #coverup pic.twitter.com/8g8yQWVS0o — Stephen Cox (@stephen_cox_B62) September 29, 2020
@BorisJohnson check out the British Tits poster. Live interview on your very own BBC. Well worth the licence fee. Give that man a knighthood. pic.twitter.com/TjmbdCRW10 — Mark Pepper (@MJPeps) September 29, 2020
Source @D4NXIII


thepoke--2020-09-30--Donald Trump refused to condemn white supremacists – only 7 responses you need

It was the most striking moment of a truly awful first presidential debate .
Donald Trump was asked if he @ @ @ @ @ violent rightwing groups and he declined to do so .
Instead , he addressed the @ @ @ @ @ a far-right wing group whose members have been sentenced to prison for attacking leftwing protesters @ @ @ @ @ The Proud Boys were naturally delighted , as highlighted by @ ByMikeBaker on Twitter .
@ @ @ @ @ 7 responses you need .
Mark Hamill had the last word on just how bad @ @ @ @ @ AND EVEN MORE The only 5 reactions you need to how Donald Trump and Joe @ @ @ @ @ the debate

News
It was the most striking moment of a truly awful first presidential debate. Donald Trump was asked if he would condemn white supremacists and violent rightwing groups and he declined to do so.
Not only that, he addressed the ‘Proud Boys’, a far-right wing group whose members have been sentenced to prison for attacking leftwing protesters in political street fights, and said this.
Chris Wallace: “Are you willing, tonight, to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and to say that they need to stand down…” Trump: “Proud Boys, stand back and stand by! But I’ll tell you what, somebody’s got to do something about antifa and the left.” pic.twitter.com/4vrPocKzcu — Axios (@axios) September 30, 2020
The ‘Proud Boys’ were naturally delighted, as highlighted by @ByMikeBaker on Twitter.
The Proud Boys are ecstatic tonight about getting mentioned in the debate tonight. "Trump basically said to go fuck them up! this makes me so happy," writes one prominent Proud Boy. pic.twitter.com/hYA7yQVAOn — Mike Baker (@ByMikeBaker) September 30, 2020
And these are the only 7 responses you need.
bro all they said was “condemn white supremacists” and this man started SWEATING — Eddy Burback (@eddyburback) September 30, 2020
I feel like you all should have listened when your Black friends told you the President was a racist. But maybe now that he told white supremacists to ‘standby’ you’ll listen. — Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) September 30, 2020
Um, I guess I’ll vote for the guy who didn’t tell white supremacists to stand by? — Ted Alexandro (@tedalexandro) September 30, 2020
A big night for Trump: he totally nailed down undecided white supremacists once and for all. — Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) September 30, 2020
The refusal of the President of the United States to denounce white supremacists on nationwide TV when asked to do so directly, launches us into a new and very, very ominous place. — Sherrilyn Ifill (@Sifill_LDF) September 30, 2020
Trump can’t bring himself to condemn white supremacists but manages to slip in a reference to the space force. — Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) September 30, 2020
Donald Trump won't condemn white supremacists because he is one. — Ed Markey (@EdMarkey) September 30, 2020
To conclude …
Donald Trump is a white supremacist. People have been warning about this for a long time. They were ridiculed, called hyperbolic & radical – not bc they were wrong, but bc others couldn’t accept that our country elected a supremacist as President. This is fascism at our door. https://t.co/sahloCJt25 — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) September 30, 2020
And this.
I'm old enough to remember when the President of the United States was asked to condemn white supremacists and didn't. it was like 20 minutes ago. — Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) September 30, 2020
READ MORE
Mark Hamill had the last word on just how bad that first presidential debate was
AND EVEN MORE
The only 5 reactions you need to how Donald Trump and Joe Biden greeted their wives after the debate


thepoke--2020-09-30--Mark Hamill had the last word on just how bad that first presidential debate was

As you ’ ve probably seen by now , Donald Trump and Joe Biden have taken part in the first @ @ @ @ @ was only a ‘ debate ’ in the loosest possible terms .
It prompted no @ @ @ @ @ although surely the last word on just how bad it was goes to Mark Hamill @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s won Twitter , of course .
Remember this ?
Mark Hamill had @ @ @ @ @ he looks in this old photo

Twitter
As you’ve probably seen by now, Donald Trump and Joe Biden have taken part in the first presidential debate, although it was only a ‘debate’ in the loosest possible terms.
It prompted no shortage of comment online, although surely the last word on just how bad it was goes to Mark Hamill.
That debate was the worst thing I've ever seen & I was in The Star Wars Holiday Special. — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) September 30, 2020
Boom.
this is the only tweet that matters — juno kin🔪 (@kylarens) September 30, 2020
You have a way of making things less bleak thanks brother. — Botocks🆘Bollucks (@GuntherGill) September 30, 2020
I’d rather watch Star Wars holiday special over and over and over than listen to another debate — baby (@MothrOfDrag0ns) September 30, 2020
Not the first time he’s won Twitter, of course. Remember this?
Are you ready to R-U-M-B-L-E?
(Caution: Extreme Violence & Strong Language) https://t.co/BdteUkFAbV — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) July 15, 2019
READ MORE
The only 5 reactions you need to how Donald Trump and Joe Biden greeted their wives after the debate
Source @HamillHimself


thepoke--2020-09-30--The only 5 reactions you need to how Donald Trump and Joe Biden greeted their wives after the debate

The first presidential debate may not have been the slickest thing we ’ ve ever seen , with neither candidate @ @ @ @ @ , but the way they greeted their wives after the 90-minute ordeal said a lot @ @ @ @ @ Here are a few of the things other people had to say about it .
@ @ @ @ @ from Shappi Khorsandi says it all , really .
Team Trump made several pre-debate excuses @ @ @ @ @ people joined in – 11 funny favourites

Videos
The first presidential debate may not have been the slickest thing we’ve ever seen, with neither candidate emerging as a clear winner, but the way they greeted their wives after the 90-minute ordeal said a lot more than words could.
Trump and Biden greet their spouses post-debate. pic.twitter.com/AFeNAqFN8v — The Recount (@therecount) September 30, 2020
Anti-gun campaigner Shannon Watts nailed this assessment.
Here are a few of the things other people had to say about it.
1.
Trump and Melania look like the characters that lost in Mario Kart during the trophy ceremony cutscene. pic.twitter.com/8znOnAOOqf — Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) September 30, 2020
2.
Watch as Trump and Biden greet their spouses post-debate. And then if you are like me, you can petty-judge the moment. Melania has figured out that the Trump payout may not happen after that NYT story. Via The Recount pic.twitter.com/gpO6lcm9Sg — HawaiiDelilah™ (@HawaiiDelilah) September 30, 2020
3.
Big prenup renegotiation energy https://t.co/yuhVJuBX4q — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2020
4.
Watch Biden and Trump's spouses greet them after the debate — one is not like the other 👀 #Debates2020 pic.twitter.com/30AydUgxCt — NowThis (@nowthisnews) September 30, 2020
5.
As soon as Joe and Jill embrace you can see Trump whisper to Melania “oh we should show some kind of affection” and holds each other’s hand 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/daX2pBXvjL — Francisco Marroquin (@CiscoM99) September 30, 2020
This lovely bit of sarcasm from Shappi Khorsandi says it all, really.
I want this. I want someone to shake my hand the way Trump Shakes Melania’s ❤ https://t.co/Sm4hM6CjcF — Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) September 30, 2020
READ MORE
Team Trump made several pre-debate excuses for a Biden win and people joined in – 11 funny favourites
Source The Recount Image Screengrab , Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-30--There’s a crucial option missing from this poll about ordering food

Over on Reddit , u/Val_9999 shared one of those ubiquitous polls that seem to crop up nearly every time you order something via the internet .
The only problem – well , not the only problem , because there ’ s also how annoying these are – was that they ’ d missed off one seriously important option .
Redditor u/RamsesThePigeon decided to continue the theme with these suggestions for further food-further polling .
Do you think you will order food again in the future ?
● Yes ○ No If you answered “ yes ” to the above question @ @ @ @ @ @ @ positive one ○ Brand has not yet prompted my eternal disdain ○ Employees were attractive , and I wanted an excuse to talk to them ○ Photographs of the meal attracted Instagram followers ○ Remaining balance on my gift card ● Other ; please specify : I will probably get hungry again .
Would you consider recommending the experience of ordering food ?
● Yes ○ No If you answered “ yes ” to the above question , please explain : I know what ’ s happening here .
You ’ re an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and you ’ re trying to understand why these strange humans keep ordering food .
Is food ?
○ Yes ○ No ● Decline to answer Someone spotted this other omission .
This state-run Chinese news agency poll about coronavirus forgot an important option

Pics
Over on Reddit, u/Val_9999 shared one of those ubiquitous polls that seem to crop up nearly every time you order something via the internet.
The only problem – well, not the only problem, because there’s also how annoying these are – was that they’d missed off one seriously important option.
Redditor u/RamsesThePigeon decided to continue the theme with these suggestions for further food-further polling.
Do you think you will order food again in the future?
● Yes
○ No If you answered “yes” to the above question, why?
○ Experience was a positive one
○ Brand has not yet prompted my eternal disdain
○ Employees were attractive, and I wanted an excuse to talk to them
○ Photographs of the meal attracted Instagram followers
○ Remaining balance on my gift card
● Other; please specify: I will probably get hungry again. Would you consider recommending the experience of ordering food?
● Yes
○ No If you answered “yes” to the above question, please explain:
I know what’s happening here. You’re an artificial intelligence from an alien planet, and you’re trying to understand why these strange humans keep ordering food. Is food?
○ Yes
○ No
● Decline to answer
Someone spotted this other omission.
I don’t see a “Decided to eat my feelings today.” option either.
SuumCuique1011
via Gfycat
READ MORE
This state-run Chinese news agency poll about coronavirus forgot an important option
Source r/funny Image r/funny, Alan Hardman on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-30--The pandemic has made al fresco dining necessary – but what if it rains?

Comedian and actor , Vic Dibitetto , is more well known for his rants on a wide variety of topics @ @ @ @ @ , but this sketch is very much about the pandemic , with so many more @ @ @ @ @ The video was posted in July , but let ’ s face it , it @ @ @ @ @ – and it ’ s even more likely to rain .
For one commenter , @ @ @ @ @ any videos ?
, it hit a little too close to home .
Top tip @ @ @ @ @ protect the soup .
This hilarious sketch peeps behind the scenes as the government discusses @ @ @

Videos
Comedian and actor, Vic DiBitetto, is more well known for his rants on a wide variety of topics, as Ticked Off Vic, but this sketch is very much about the pandemic, with so many more people dining al fresco.
The video was posted in July, but let’s face it, it’s no better now – and it’s even more likely to rain.
Here’s how YouTube users reacted.
When your life is falling apart but you just don’t care anymore
Ty Barker
This man is a genius. He discovered how to turn wine into water and make unlimited soup.
Crash BanditLoot’s Botches
This is like that “This is fine” meme, but rain edition~
Anh Tien Quang Nguyen
For one commenter, 10, 000 subs without any videos?, it hit a little too close to home.
I want to laugh, but for some reason I can relate to this in a way and it’s giving me sad vibes.
Top tip: Bring an umbrella to protect the soup.
You can follow Vis on Twitter here.
READ MORE
This hilarious sketch peeps behind the scenes as the government discusses the second wave
Source Vic DiBitetto Image Screengrabs


thepoke--2020-09-30--Priti Patel is considering sending asylum seekers to a volcanic island – 9 explosive reactions

Home Secretary , Priti Patel , is no stranger to controversy .
She was forced to quit a previous cabinet @ @ @ @ @ with Israeli officials and lying about them .
She told a Question Time audience that @ @ @ @ @ to be restored .
She has had Extinction Rebellion added to a terrorism list .
@ @ @ @ @ last point that the latest outcry has developed .
Ascension Island is a British Overseas @ @ @ @ @ , neighbouring St Helena , which is another possible location for the prospective holding centre @ @ @ @ @ had this to say .
Most other people reacted in much the same way .
@ @ @ @ @ at ‘ activist lawyers ’ helping asylum seekers – only 4 responses you need

News
Home Secretary, Priti Patel, is no stranger to controversy.
She was forced to quit a previous cabinet position after having unauthorised meetings with Israeli officials and lying about them. She told a Question Time audience that she wanted the death penalty to be restored. She has had Extinction Rebellion added to a terrorism list. She criticised “activist lawyers” for helping asylum seekers.
It’s on that last point that the latest outcry has developed.
NEW: Priti Patel asked the UK home office to explore sending asylum seekers to Ascension Island, a volcanic outcrop in the middle of the Atlantic. Mad scoop from @GeorgeWParker @pmdfoster @SebastianEPayne https://t.co/MJo2fMPYCR — Matthew Garrahan (@MattGarrahan) September 29, 2020
Ascension Island is a British Overseas Territory in the South Pacific, neighbouring St Helena, which is another possible location for the prospective holding centre.
Labour MP Jess Phillips had this to say.
I'm not even surprised anymore, I hope that decent tories speak out and damn the growing hatred and inhumanity. https://t.co/4LIo3wjAXe — Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) September 29, 2020
Most other people reacted in much the same way.
1.
From my experience watching films it’s never the goodies who explore the option of sending people they’re not keen on to volcanoes https://t.co/WUNfC3SIlo — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 29, 2020
2.
Going to bring this up next time someone claims there’s “no such thing as a bad idea” pic.twitter.com/g24loeiz7K — Ahir Shah (@AhirShah) September 29, 2020
3.
Oh so that’s what they meant by an Australian-style immigration system, by building concentration camps in the middle of the ocean https://t.co/YfScpmTIOl — ✨ Dean Tāne ✨ (@Maccadaynu) September 29, 2020
4.
5.
We are led by cruel people. So much brutality. https://t.co/r2HFf516rh — Jessica Simor QC (@JMPSimor) September 29, 2020
6.
The Cruelty Is The Point https://t.co/ibtPT6kIDN — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) September 29, 2020
7.
I bet she wanted a tower in the middle of it to stand on top of and cackle, while occasionally screaming for someone to feed her laser sharks. https://t.co/SwIFVTTbqm — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) September 29, 2020
8.
Priti Patel is now only ‘capital punishment’ away from a clean sweep on the 2010 BNP Manifesto pic.twitter.com/GrprFKmBRN — Kieran Morris (@hipsterscumbag) September 29, 2020
9.
Andy Gilder had a suggestion.
Is there any chance we could keep the asylum seekers and drop Priti Patel into a volcano in the Atlantic? https://t.co/JLDxcsFXOj — Enough Of That Now (@AndyGilder) September 29, 2020
READ MORE
Priti Patel just took aim at ‘activist lawyers’ helping asylum seekers – only 4 responses you need
Source FT Image Screengrab, Screengrab 2


thepoke--2020-09-30--Team Trump made several pre-debate excuses for a Biden win and people joined in – 11 funny favourite

Team Trump made several pre-debate excuses for a Biden win and people joined in – 11 funny favourites

The first of 2020 ’ s head-to-head presidential candidate debates took place on Tuesday evening – US time – and @ @ @ @ @ the result , with both camps claiming a win , as expected , although snap @ @ @ @ @ at 48 % to 41 % .
Clearly , Joe Biden didn ’ t take @ @ @ @ @ even before the event , the Trump team were pre-emptively making excuses for a good @ @ @ @ @ : This was a Biden spokesperson ’ s response to the idea of submitting to @ @ @ @ @ Twitter account , no doubt run by a comms team , tweeted this mic drop @ @ @ @ @ spread rumours about Biden ’ s refusal to have his urine or ears scrutinised , @ @ @ @ @ rather more tongue in cheek suggestions .
NEWSNOTES had this response to the earpiece accusation @ @ @ @ @ .
Whatever happens in the election , Joe Biden wins the prize for the best @ @

Twitter
The first of 2020’s head-to-head presidential candidate debates took place on Tuesday evening – US time – and the jury is out on the result, with both camps claiming a win, as expected, although snap polls put the challenger ahead at 48% to 41%.
Clearly, Joe Biden didn’t take this advice.
Overheard: At the debate Tuesday Biden should start every response by looking at Chris Wallace and say, “Well that’s the 750 dollar question, isn’t it?” — George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) September 29, 2020
Biden was, like, my 17th choice in the primaries but I’ll admit I hope he drops some weird folksy shit on Trump tomorrow. “Get a load of this tomato. Tell you what, Jack, flippin’ nickels might cut the mustard over at your pappy’s juke joint but this is the big leagues, get me?” — Abe “Abe Goldfarb” Goldfarb (@AbeGoldfarb) September 29, 2020
At the debate Biden should drop $750 on Trump’s podium and say “next year’s on me, chief.” — Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) September 27, 2020
However, even before the event, the Trump team were pre-emptively making excuses for a good Biden performance with rumours that:
Biden is on drugs and should take a test He had been shown the questions ahead of time Answers would be fed to him via an earpiece
This was a Biden spokesperson’s response to the idea of submitting to a drugs test.
“If the president thinks his best case is made in urine he can have at it. We’d expect nothing less from Donald Trump, who pissed away the chance to protect the lives of 200K Americans when he didn't make a plan to stop COVID-19.” — @KBeds https://t.co/Fx2gypdVZr — TJ Ducklo (@TDucklo) September 27, 2020
His Twitter account, no doubt run by a comms team, tweeted this mic drop moment.
It’s debate night, so I’ve got my earpiece and performance enhancers ready. pic.twitter.com/EhOiWdjh1b — Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) September 29, 2020
While pro-Trump tweeters spread rumours about Biden’s refusal to have his urine or ears scrutinised, others joined in with these rather more tongue in cheek suggestions.
1.
SCOOP: Biden camp denies Trump campaign request to cut him open and see if he is cake — David Freedlander (@freedlander) September 29, 2020
2.
Why won't Joe Biden allow a cardiologist to attach electrodes to his chest during the debate so that the American people know he's alive? 🤔 — Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 29, 2020
3.
Joe Biden REFUSES to deny that he is an IBM supercomputer sealed inside of a Japanese human suit — Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) September 29, 2020
4.
BREAKING NEWS: Joe Biden REFUSES to take Voight-Kampff test before debate! Donate $45 NOW if you think Biden is a replicant! — Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) September 29, 2020
5.
I’m not saying this is why Biden is refusing to have his ears checked before debate, but… pic.twitter.com/cgDM3yw4Hu — Dave Rubin (@RubinReport) September 29, 2020
6.
The ear piece conspiracy is truly absurd. Everyone knows the truth: Biden’s handlers implanted a Soros-funded microchip that allows Antifa to control his voice. My sources on this are unimpeachable. — Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) September 29, 2020
7.
I HEAR FOX NEWS IS GIVING BIDEN THE DEBATE QUESTIONS AHEAD OF TIME AND BIDEN WILL BE WEARING AN EARPIECE AND BILL GATES IMPLANTED A COMPUTER CHIP IN HIS HEAD TO MAKE HIM NOT-SENILE AND THE DEMS HAVE A CHUPACABRA HIDDEN UNDER THE STAGE AND WILL USE IT TO ATTACK TRUMP AND THEN… — Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) September 29, 2020
8.
The Biden campaign has cleverly agreed to no handshake tonight so that they can deploy their Biden hologram for the debate. Chris Wallace must swing a 2×4 through Biden to make sure he is real. How would we know otherwise? — Michael McDonald (@ElectProject) September 29, 2020
9.
Has Joe Biden committed to a pre debate skin test where a Fox anchor gets to pull on his face to confirm that it is not @RonaldKlain in a Scooby-Doo style villain costume? — Tim Miller (@Timodc) September 29, 2020
10.
joe biden must allow a neutral third party to check if he's wearing that shoe that is also a phone from get smart — Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) September 29, 2020
11.
Biden's going to wear an earpiece, but it'll just be playing the song Runaround Sue on a loop, so I'm not really sure what the fuss is about. — Osita Nwanevu (@OsitaNwanevu) September 29, 2020
NEWSNOTES had this response to the earpiece accusation.
Trump said he wants Biden’s ears checked for electronic devices. I want Trump’s ears checked to see if there is anything between them. — NEWSNOTES💙 (@ReportsDaNews) September 29, 2020
Something to think about.
READ MORE
Whatever happens in the election, Joe Biden wins the prize for the best campaign ad
Source Twitter Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-30--Simply 17 tweets that perfectly captured the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe

Simply 17 tweets that perfectly captured the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden

The first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden didn ’ t exactly have you looking forward to the @ @ @ @ @ to be said .
The only memorable moment was a truly deplorable one , when @ @ @ @ @ white supremacists .
In the likely event you didn ’ t watch it , and @ @ @ @ @ it on catch-up , these 17 tweets capture it perfectly .

Twitter
The first presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden didn’t exactly have you looking forward to the second one, it has to be said.
The only memorable moment was a truly deplorable one, when Donald Trump refused to condemn white supremacists.
In the likely event you didn’t watch it, and have no plans to see it on catch-up, these 17 tweets capture it perfectly.
1.
You’ve got a decent man vs. a hulking, loudmouth bully with no specific plans on anything. — Stephen King (@StephenKing) September 30, 2020
2.
That debate was the worst thing I've ever seen & I was in The Star Wars Holiday Special. — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) September 30, 2020
3.
A big night for Trump: he totally nailed down undecided white supremacists once and for all. — Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) September 30, 2020
4.
let’s watch it again! — Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 30, 2020
5.
Biden's prep coach for the next debate — a screaming goat on PCP. #Debates2020 — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 30, 2020
6.
OK I sat down with my wife & we went over some debate highlights. We have decided to vote for the guy who DIDN’T issue a televised call to armed white supremacist groups to engage in voter suppression. — rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 30, 2020
7.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1311226147640836096?s=20
8.
9.


thepoke--2020-09-30--James Blunt wins comeback of the day

James Blunt wins comeback of the day

The latest in an occasional series , it ’ s good to know that in a troubling and uncertain world @ @ @ @ @ predictable .
Here ’ s what Emily-Heater – @ EmFenty – had to say on @ @ @ @ @ .
And a good excuse to remember this one from last month .
James Blunt @ @ @ @ @ a fan who said his Bruce Springsteen cover bettered the original

Twitter
The latest in an occasional series, it’s good to know that in a troubling and uncertain world, some things are entirely predictable.
Here’s what Emily-Heater – @EmFenty – had to say on Twitter.
Don’t care what anyone says James Blunt is 10/10 — Emily-Heather (@EmFenty) September 29, 2020
And Blunt’s response.
Agreed, but I think it’s the music they have an issue with. https://t.co/4gVuTgo7LO — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 29, 2020
Boom. Again. And a good excuse to remember this one from last month.
READ MORE
James Blunt had the perfect response to a fan who said his Bruce Springsteen cover bettered the original
Source @JamesBlunt


thepoke--2020-10-01--How this dog tries to cover up the hole he’s just dug in the lawn is just brilliant

If you only watch one funny dog video this week … ‘ Dog Gets Caught Digging Hole and Tries to @ @ @ @ @ says Rewlet over on Reddit Move along , nothing to see here !
‘ My @ @ @ @ @ my yard .
I ’ d fill in the holes and as soon as my @ @ @ @ @ ’ d be at it again .
So I thought “ maybe there ’ s @ @ @ @ @ I got a shovel out and found a whole fucking pack of roofing shingles buried @ @ @ @ @ soon as I dug it out she quit.
’ Rocket Like2 ‘ My recently adopted @ @ @ @ @ thing only in one small area of the yard .
Turned out to be where @ @ @ @ @ I wish it were shingles.
’ MoogTheWizard This cat thinking long and hard about hitting @ @ @ @ @ very well spent Source Reddit u/Rewlet ‘ Dog Gets Caught Digging Hole and Tries to @ @ @ @ @ says Rewlet over on Reddit .

Videos
If you only watch one funny dog video this week …
‘Dog Gets Caught Digging Hole and Tries to Play it Off,’ says Rewlet over on Reddit
Move along, nothing to see here!
‘My dog was constantly digging in my yard. I’d fill in the holes and as soon as my back was turned, she’d be at it again. So I thought “maybe there’s something there?” So I got a shovel out and found a whole fucking pack of roofing shingles buried in my yard? As soon as I dug it out she quit.’ Rocket Like2 ‘My recently adopted dog was doing the same thing only in one small area of the yard. Turned out to be where the septic line ended. I wish it were shingles.’ MoogTheWizard
READ MORE
This cat thinking long and hard about hitting this dog is 36 seconds very well spent
Source Reddit u/Rewlet
‘Dog Gets Caught Digging Hole and Tries to Play it Off,’ says Rewlet over on Reddit.


thepoke--2020-10-01--‘My 90 y/o neighbour came to say goodbye to my dog’ and it’s a very emotional watch

This clip of a 90 y/o man saying goodbye to a neighbour ’ s elderly dog has got Twitter all @ @ @ @ @ is why .

Videos
This clip of a 90 y/o man saying goodbye to a neighbour’s elderly dog has got Twitter all choked up.
And this is why.
Her 90 yr old neighbor came to say goodbye to her elderly dog. 2 old friends saying their last goodbyes. pic.twitter.com/UuuVHCRIOw — Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) October 1, 2020
Awww.
Just so damn beautiful: https://t.co/qoPpATwVnf — Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) October 1, 2020
Why won't my eyes stop watering? https://t.co/PD0zfk8Cmc — Tim Kephart (@timkephart33) October 1, 2020
Rex, why did you do this to me? https://t.co/G9kkW4xAjD — Liam Martin (@LiamWBZ) October 1, 2020
Source Twitter @BookofJonah @RexChapman TikTok @maisie_and_co


thepoke--2020-10-01--Simply 17 Daily Mail reader ‘comments of the day’ that tell you all you need to know

You may already be familiar with the @ DMReporter , the rather fabulous Twitter account which keeps an eye on @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t have to .
Its founder is stepping down after 10 years – @ @ @ @ @ who can blame them ( they ’ ve set up a gofundme retirement fund which @ @ @ @ @ .
But fear not , @ DMReporter will continue under new stewardship .
To mark @ @ @ @ @ , here are 17 Daily Mail reader comments that really do tell you all you @ @ @ @ @ readers .

Twitter
You may already be familiar with the @DMReporter, the rather fabulous Twitter account which keeps an eye on the Daily Mail so you don’t have to.
Its founder is stepping down after 10 years – 10 years! – and who can blame them (they’ve set up a gofundme retirement fund which you can find here).
But fear not, @DMReporter will continue under new stewardship.
To mark the changing of the guard, here are 17 Daily Mail reader comments that really do tell you all you need to know about its readers.
1.
HAPPY NEW YEAR: Still the greatest comment thread about #NewYearsEve ever written… pic.twitter.com/Hbhhmvv2fJ — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) December 31, 2019
2.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: Guys, I’ve found it; the ultimate Daily Mail reader comment. pic.twitter.com/THqz3GaHIf — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) April 28, 2018
3.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: “@GaryLineker should be arrested for not tweeting more positively about Brexit.” pic.twitter.com/TBazCplkn4 — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) January 1, 2019
4.
YOUR COMMENT: I’d genuinely like to know the circumstances under which this situation would occur. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/5y0i7UDLr3 — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) October 25, 2018
5.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: The sheer unbridled joy of Brexit self-harm… pic.twitter.com/DcO6inZUD7 — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) June 23, 2018
6.
YOUR COMMENT: There have been lots of touching tributes to Stephen Hawking today but, it has to be said, none more so than this… pic.twitter.com/NlP3BTBmvf — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) March 14, 2018
7.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: This may be my favourite comment of all time. pic.twitter.com/koNqpxxspZ — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) March 7, 2017
8.
COMMENT OF THE DAY: Good question. Why don’t American rock band The Killers sing a rap song about the positive benefits of a global trade deal after Brexit? #Glastonbury pic.twitter.com/dQNjvHdgtA — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) June 29, 2019
9.
READERSHIP: And the comment of the day is… pic.twitter.com/603aNJkpqn — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) February 12, 2017
10.


thepoke--2020-10-01--Nigel Farage said the UK should never have signed the Brexit deal and everyone said the same thing

The European Union has launched legal action against the UK over Boris Johnson ’ s plans to ditch parts of @ @ @ @ @ break international law .
The EU activated the lawyers after a deadline for Johnson to @ @ @ @ @ Market Bill expired on Wednesday .
We only mention this because Nigel Farage has been @ @ @ @ @ course he has – and this is what he had to say .
And there @ @ @ @ @ particularly striking about it .
One was this .
And the other was this .
@ @ @ @ @ what Nigel Farage saw out of his car

Twitter
The European Union has launched legal action against the UK over Boris Johnson’s plans to ditch parts of the Brexit withdrawal agreement and break international law.
The EU activated the lawyers after a deadline for Johnson to remove sections of the Internal Market Bill expired on Wednesday.
European Commission Président says sent letter of formal notice to UK government – the first step in infringement proceedings. This, because has not removed party’s of internal market bill that could override aspects of #Brexit Withdrawal agreement /1 — Katya Adler (@BBCkatyaadler) October 1, 2020
We only mention this because Nigel Farage has been tweeting about it – of course he has – and this is what he had to say.
The “oven ready deal” was an international treaty — for the EU Commission, that is like the Bible. Whilst the EU always acts in bad faith, all they are doing today is asking Boris to keep his promises. It should never have been signed in the first place. https://t.co/PybqaSXUwk — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) October 1, 2020
And there were two things that were particularly striking about it. One was this.
Imagine doing something so batshit it makes Nigel fucking Farage side with the EU pic.twitter.com/KbhAUnOkLW — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 1, 2020
And the other was this.
You literally voted for it. https://t.co/CIn7zoJllJ — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) October 1, 2020
After standing aside in seats to get a Govt majority to do this deal, now it should never have been signed.
A dishonest professional malcontent. https://t.co/cPLTsiDd6v — Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) October 1, 2020
Name: Nigel Farage
Occupation: Unemployed
Specialist Subject: Rewriting my role in history, 1975 to the present day. https://t.co/hcnpR68MKk — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) October 1, 2020
If only some bloke hadn't deliberately stood down 300+ candidates so that the Tories could win on a pledge of honouring that deal. I mean that does make them an accomplice to signing it, doesn't it Nige. https://t.co/qQR0V1d8Yo — Skew Spew Barmy Hairdo Cut-throat Bigot And Smug (@SkewSpew) October 1, 2020
To conclude …
This ludicrous, preening popinjay literally withdrew Brexit 'Party' candidates from Tory-winnable constituencies in order to get *exactly* this treaty signed in the first place. It's not George Orwell writing the script any more. It's Lewis bloody Carroll. https://t.co/CIn7zoJllJ — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) October 1, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 17 funny photoshops of what Nigel Farage saw out of his car
Source Twitter @Nigel_Farage


thepoke--2020-10-01--This ‘anti-vaxxer’ mum was called out by her son’s nurse and it’s magnificent stuff

We ’ re grateful to beerbellybegone over on Reddit for sharing this exchange between an ‘ anti-vaxxer ’ mum and her son ’ s paediatric nurse .
The mum went online to say how the nurse had backed her up when she refused her son a vaccination booster .
Except that ’ s not entirely how the medical professional remembered it … ‘ That moment when an anti-vaxx mom is called out on Facebook by her son ’ s pediatric nurse , ’ said beerbellybegone .
We had to read it twice to comprehend quite how much there was to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to be seen as an anti-vaxxer , while actually vaccinating your kids ?
I mean it ’ s better than them not being vaccinated but I don ’ t get why you would do that … ’ BenBishopsButt ‘ Because being anti-vax is cool because it shows everyone that you ’ re actually smarter than doctors because unlike their years of stupid book learning you had an email address and that allowed you to register for Facebook .
As a result they ’ ve actually cut medical training down from seven years or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sessions on Facebook whilst you drink wine from a box.
’ geofflamps-porsche ‘ I think I ’ d have to find a new doctor .
Not because I ’ m anti vaxx or because the nurse did anything wrong here .
I just don ’ t think I ’ d be able to show my face after being so thoroughly taken apart.
’ Kr155 5 takedowns of this anti-vaxxer made even better by using their own logic

Science
We’re grateful to beerbellybegone over on Reddit for sharing this exchange between an ‘anti-vaxxer’ mum and her son’s paediatric nurse.
The mum went online to say how the nurse had backed her up when she refused her son a vaccination booster.
Except that’s not entirely how the medical professional remembered it …
‘That moment when an anti-vaxx mom is called out on Facebook by her son’s pediatric nurse,’ said beerbellybegone.
We had to read it twice to comprehend quite how much there was to unpick there …
‘So you want to be seen as an anti-vaxxer, while actually vaccinating your kids? I mean it’s better than them not being vaccinated but I don’t get why you would do that …’ BenBishopsButt ‘Because being anti-vax is cool because it shows everyone that you’re actually smarter than doctors because unlike their years of stupid book learning you had an email address and that allowed you to register for Facebook. As a result they’ve actually cut medical training down from seven years or whatever it was to three hour long sessions on Facebook whilst you drink wine from a box.’ geofflamps-porsche ‘I think I’d have to find a new doctor. Not because I’m anti vaxx or because the nurse did anything wrong here. I just don’t think I’d be able to show my face after being so thoroughly taken apart.’ Kr155
READ MORE
5 takedowns of this anti-vaxxer made even better by using their own logic
Source Reddit u/beerbellybegone Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-10-01--This sports stadium filled its stand with the entire town of South Park and it’s brilliant

‘ The Denver Broncos have the entire town of ‘ South Park ’ in the stands for today ’ s @ @ @ @ @ Exclamation_Marc and it ’ s brilliant .
More of this sort of thing over here @ @ @ @ @ looks like literally every character they ’ ve ever had .
The angels from the @ @ @ @ @ Allen Poe ’ s ghost , that Randy Savage pretending to be transgender to win @ @ @ @ @ , Timmy ’ s parents .
That ’ s seriously impressive.
’ sheepsleepdeep

Pics
‘The Denver Broncos have the entire town of ‘South Park’ in the stands for today’s NFL game,’ says Exclamation_Marc and it’s brilliant.
More of this sort of thing over here, please.
‘It looks like literally every character they’ve ever had. The angels from the Golden PSP episode, Edgar Allen Poe’s ghost, that Randy Savage pretending to be transgender to win women’s sports competitions, Timmy’s parents. That’s seriously impressive.’ sheepsleepdeep
And on video …
The Broncos put the cast of South Park in the seats for their game today 😂 (via @Broncos)pic.twitter.com/hujvFjaaha — Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) September 27, 2020
READ MORE
Poke Challenge: South Park Films!
Source Reddit u/Exclamation_Marc


thepoke--2020-10-01--Most American supermarket aisle you’ll see

‘ Freedom ain ’ t fat free , ’ says outwardape who shared this image over on Reddit .
And @ @ @ @ @ it might have been a little bit messed around with , then you ’ d @ @ @ @ @ They turned that shopping isle up to 11.
’ tearsaresweat ‘ Even if fake , @ @ @ @ @ is a walmart with that Aisle somewhere in the South.
’ Andy_Liberty_1911 This American accused @ @ @ @ @ and Stripes and was schooled into next week

Pics
‘Freedom ain’t fat free,’ says outwardape who shared this image over on Reddit.
And if you’re thinking it might have been a little bit messed around with, then you’d probably be right.
‘They turned that shopping isle up to 11.’ tearsaresweat ‘The America-aisle.’ Boeiend_was_taken ‘Even if fake, I have no doubt there is a walmart with that Aisle somewhere in the South.’ Andy_Liberty_1911
READ MORE
This American accused IKEA of disrespecting the Stars and Stripes and was schooled into next week
Source Reddit u/outwardape


thepoke--2020-10-01--15 highly relatable and very funny jokes about the bin fire that is 2020

If you don ’ t hate 2020 , then you haven ’ t been paying attention .
These funny people @ @ @ @ @ their jokes are sooooo relatable , it ’ s like they looked into our heads @

Twitter
If you don’t hate 2020, then you haven’t been paying attention. These funny people clearly have been, and their jokes are sooooo relatable, it’s like they looked into our heads.
1.
2020 is having to untie your drawstring for your shorts when you have to pee, and then another knot is created, causing you to nearly pee your pants. — mᎥᏦᎬ ᏞᎥᏆᎬᏒᎪᏞᏞᎽ✪ (@SkippyMcGizzard) September 19, 2020
2.
How did 2020 manage to kill so much but football is still happening — The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 21, 2020
3.
I just accidentally punched myself in the tit which feels like it pretty much sums up the entire vibe of 2020 — Sarah (@thetigersez) September 20, 2020
4.
any time I log into twitter now pic.twitter.com/mnMbmMK45Z — Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) September 20, 2020
5.
6.
7.
2020 has been like an episode of "Casualty", it started okay, everything seemed fine but China was effectively up a ladder that had been set up on a wonky floor. Italy was using a chainsaw whilst drunk and the UK walked towards a cliff with its hands over its eyes. — Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) September 23, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-10-01--This classic Tom Morello takedown just went viral all over again

Only five weeks or so to go until the US elections , and it ’ s probably not a coincidence @ @ @ @ @ Morello takedown is proving very popular on Reddit .
The Rage Against the Machine man @ @ @ @ @ alongside a guitar with ‘ Fuck Trump ’ written on it and , well , @ @ @ @ @ next .
‘ Tom Morello just being Tom Morello , ’ said lihuud over on @ @ @ @ @ us of this , another brilliant takedown ( not by Morello this time ) delivered @ @ @ @ @ Machine fan who went off the group because of their politics .
That amazing NSFW @ @ @ @ @ Rage Against the Machine not to swear and they did anyway

Popular
Only five weeks or so to go until the US elections, and it’s probably not a coincidence that this all-time great Tom Morello takedown is proving very popular on Reddit.
The Rage Against the Machine man posted a photo of himself alongside a guitar with ‘Fuck Trump’ written on it and, well, here’s what happened next.
‘Tom Morello just being Tom Morello,’ said lihuud over on Reddit.
And it reminded us of this, another brilliant takedown (not by Morello this time) delivered to a Rage Against the Machine fan who went off the group because of their politics.
Perfect.
‘What “Machine” did you think he was raging against? The dishwasher?’
READ MORE
That amazing NSFW radio moment 5 Live asked Rage Against the Machine not to swear and they did anyway
Source Reddit u/lihuud Image screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-01--This TikTok of the creation of the Wii Sports theme has gone viral because it speaks to us all

Singer-songwriter Will Anderson is the frontman of the US band , Parachute , who have supported headliners such as Kelly @ @ @ @ @ However , to many people , he is more recognisable as a very funny TikToker @ @ @ @ @ – to post videos with a music theme , like this : But his most @ @ @ @ @ most recent , in which he recreates the moment musicians wrote the Wii Sports theme @ @ @ @ @ banger .
It already has three million likes on TikTok , after just a day @ @ @ @ @ also popped up on Twitter .
As bonus , here ’ s Will again , @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Fireflies ’ – on his phone ’ s dial screen .
That Titanic argument @ @ @ @ @ has finally been settled in a hilarious TikTok

Videos
Singer-songwriter Will Anderson is the frontman of the US band, Parachute, who have supported headliners such as Kelly Clarkson and The Script.
However, to many people, he is more recognisable as a very funny TikToker, who tends – understandably – to post videos with a music theme, like this:
And this:
But his most popular post is also his most recent, in which he recreates the moment musicians wrote the Wii Sports theme and realised it was a banger.
Watch and enjoy.
It already has three million likes on TikTok, after just a day, and it’s also popped up on Twitter.
Twitter was impressed.
This is by far the greatest thing I've ever seen come out of TikTok 🤣 https://t.co/k4VmtPPjti — Tony Manfredonia | Composer (@TonyManfredonia) September 30, 2020
i've literally been every one these dudes at band practice. https://t.co/HxAEejnGIt — Zachary Ryan (@ZachariusD) September 30, 2020
Officially the best TikTok, everyone else pack up, it's over. https://t.co/mfBDv5J4wP — Jack (@JackAttack467) September 30, 2020
Big fan of this https://t.co/VmH5AC0cN2 — Iain Leggat (@Iain_Leggat) September 30, 2020
As bonus, here’s Will again, playing Owl City’s ‘Fireflies’ – on his phone’s dial screen.
READ MORE
That Titanic argument about Rose’s door has finally been settled in a hilarious TikTok
Source Will Anderson Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-01--Michael Spicer’s “How to argue with a conspiracy theorist” is going to be very useful

Michael Spicer ‘ s Room Next Door sketches are brilliant , but there ’ s so much more to him @ @ @ @ @ are a constant joy , he regularly acts on TV in the Mash Report , @ @ @ @ @ catalogue of other sketches , and has written a book about his role as secret @ @ @ @ @ public speaking .
Here he is as the least competent football pundit in a crowded @ @ @ @ @ recent bit of advice for anyone who encounters conspiracy theorists is genuinely invaluable .
To @ @ @ @ @ , you must speak the language .
Michael ’ s book is available from all @ @ @ @ @ some terrible ones .
Michael Spicer ’ s visit to his younger self took an @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Michael Spicer‘s Room Next Door sketches are brilliant, but there’s so much more to him than that.
His tweets are a constant joy, he regularly acts on TV in the Mash Report, has a very funny back catalogue of other sketches, and has written a book about his role as secret adviser to the giants of public speaking.
chuffing heck it’s here pic.twitter.com/tgYKSmUtmG — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) September 23, 2020
Here he is as the least competent football pundit in a crowded field.
the football pundit who doesn’t watch football pic.twitter.com/GAcW4tg4rz — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 9, 2020
However, this recent bit of advice for anyone who encounters conspiracy theorists is genuinely invaluable.
how to argue with a conspiracy theorist pic.twitter.com/ie7UJiEqkZ — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) September 22, 2020
To communicate with a conspiracy theorist, you must speak the language.
We enjoyed these great responses.
I predict a riot of anti-maskers …. https://t.co/bEsF2qWf3n — Julia Bradbury (@JuliaBradbury) September 23, 2020
This looks important. — Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) September 22, 2020
How does one acquire two twenty pound notes? Asking for a friend. — run.around.em (@LeChatBlancs) September 22, 2020
The only real message is that the queen is an Only Fools And Horses superfan. That's clearly Uncle Albert smoking a pipe there — Tom on the tweeter (@TomTormTam) September 23, 2020
Michael’s book is available from all good bookshops, and probably some terrible ones.
READ MORE
Michael Spicer’s visit to his younger self took an unexpected and very funny turn
Source Michael Spicer Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-01--The only 5 funny reactions you need to Boris Johnson’s dad breaking the coronavirus rules – again

Boris Johnson ‘ s dad , Stanley , has been a bit of an embarrassment for his son ever since @ @ @ @ @ possibly before , but we aren ’ t interested in their family dynamic .
When @ @ @ @ @ to avoid pubs and restaurants , Stanley said he wouldn ’ t be doing that @ @ @ @ @ that people should avoid all but essential travel , Stanley went to Greece .
As @ @ @ @ @ fine anyone not following the law regarding mask-wearing , Stanley was photographed doing his shopping @ @ @ @ @ a complete mystery where Boris Johnson got the character trait that made him boast about @ @ @ @ @ a hospital when the guidelines warned against it .
Let ’ s hope Stanley isn @ @ @ @ @ pay the fine he ’ ll obviously be getting , eh ?
Twitter was not @ @ @ @ @ .
Dic Penderyn had a very different objection .
Stanley Johnson ’ s ignoring his @ @ @ @ @ advice and going to the pub anyway – only 5 responses you need

News
Boris Johnson‘s dad, Stanley, has been a bit of an embarrassment for his son ever since the pandemic started – and possibly before, but we aren’t interested in their family dynamic.
When the PM originally told people to avoid pubs and restaurants, Stanley said he wouldn’t be doing that. When the rules said that people should avoid all but essential travel, Stanley went to Greece. As the government insisted it would fine anyone not following the law regarding mask-wearing, Stanley was photographed doing his shopping maskless.
It’s a complete mystery where Boris Johnson got the character trait that made him boast about shaking hands with everyone at a hospital when the guidelines warned against it.
Let’s hope Stanley isn’t too poor to pay the fine he’ll obviously be getting, eh?
Twitter was not going to let it lie.
1.
Dominic Cummings: I’m going to break my own rules Stanley Johnson: hold my mask pic.twitter.com/Uw1slfUXHZ — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) September 30, 2020
2.
An awful lot of activities are going to be reclassified as eye exams by the time this is all overhttps://t.co/0PBz3myu6Y pic.twitter.com/bdTiVdLI28 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 30, 2020
3.
Stanley Johnson's excuse for not wearing a mask in shops was he'd been abroad for three weeks and "didn't know the rules". If only there was someone in his family who could have kept him up to speed! Maybe even someone who "came close to dying" of the virus not so long ago pic.twitter.com/wGLuYQeTIP — Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) September 30, 2020
4.
Stanley Johnson | Maybe there's an exemption for dickheads? https://t.co/7ShaW2qmMn — Britgirl's Hates Brexit #FBPE (@MarieAnnUK) September 30, 2020
5.
Problem is, if Stanley wore one, then he'd be forced to whiff the stench of bullshit that comes out of his mouth. I'm sure that's a medical exemption. https://t.co/MKN5D0ZOpw — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) September 30, 2020
Dic Penderyn had a very different objection.
I am more annoyed that he didnt wear a condom in 1963 to be honest https://t.co/Q8f5FBUfik — 🏴 Dic Penderyn #FBIW 🏴 (@cymrocarn) September 30, 2020
READ MORE
Stanley Johnson’s ignoring his son the PM’s advice and going to the pub anyway – only 5 responses you need
Source Mirror Image TobyonTV


thepoke--2020-10-01--4 postboxes have been painted black for Black History Month – Munya Chawawa imagined how that came a

4 postboxes have been painted black for Black History Month – Munya Chawawa imagined how that came about

In a move that has baffled most people for one reason or another , four – yes , just four – Royal Mail postboxes have been painted black to mark Black History Month .
Each box is dedicated to a notable black Briton , as well as bearing a QR code that can be scanned to see all the black individuals who have featured on Royal Mail stamps .
The four Britons are : The first black footballer to sign for Rangers , Walter Tull .
Artist Yinka Shonibare , who painted ‘ Queueing at the RA , which was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ honouring the Royal Academy of Arts .
Mary Seacole , a pioneer of modern nursing , who treated the wounded during the Crimean War .
Sir Lenny Henry , the actor , comedian and impressionist who has been on British TV screens since 1975 .
Comedian Munya Chawawa imagined the scenes as the Royal Mail came up with the idea .
This is what a few people were saying about it .
Journalist Ibrahim Mustapha had this conclusion on the Royal Mail ’ s gesture .
“ British media reporting on the ‘ @ @ @ @ @ @

Pics
In a move that has baffled most people for one reason or another, four – yes, just four – Royal Mail postboxes have been painted black to mark Black History Month.
Each box is dedicated to a notable black Briton, as well as bearing a QR code that can be scanned to see all the black individuals who have featured on Royal Mail stamps.
The four Britons are:
The first black footballer to sign for Rangers, Walter Tull. Artist Yinka Shonibare, who painted ‘Queueing at the RA, which was used as part of a six-stamp set honouring the Royal Academy of Arts. Mary Seacole, a pioneer of modern nursing, who treated the wounded during the Crimean War. Sir Lenny Henry, the actor, comedian and impressionist who has been on British TV screens since 1975.
Reactions to the news weren’t great.
across the whole of these british isles, they painted four postboxes i'm yelling. ANTI-BLACKNESS HAS BEEN DEFEATED, WE CAN ALL GO HOME https://t.co/5AJyTRI9RB — Paula Akpan (@paulaakpan) September 30, 2020
Saw the headline and chuckled. Clicked on article to read that 4 (yes FOUR) postboxes out of the 115,500 postboxes across the UK were painted black. Chuckled again. https://t.co/i3B9DNrxq8 — Austin (@AustinDarbo) September 30, 2020
Did anyone ask for this? It feels a bit cringe. I say a bit, I mean I literally cringed. https://t.co/w2BjFiVO68 — David Llewellyn (@TheDaiLlew) September 30, 2020
Predictably, some people wanted white boxes.
Black history month, that's so cool. When are the post boxes being painted white for white history month? — Andrew (@Andrewyeahnah) September 29, 2020
Can I have a white one please, I don’t want to feel left out….😢 — Bob walker (@essex_bob) September 29, 2020
Comedian Munya Chawawa imagined the scenes as the Royal Mail came up with the idea.
Royal Mail coming up with their Black Postboxes 📮🤦🏽♂ #BlackHistoryMonth pic.twitter.com/60irdqop96 — Munya Chawawa (@munyachawawa) September 30, 2020
The sketch caught Twitter’s attention, causing ‘Postman Brap’ to trend.
We made ‘Postman Brap’ trend. I don’t know how to top this. pic.twitter.com/6x8U9oYmSw — Munya Chawawa (@munyachawawa) September 30, 2020
This is what a few people were saying about it.
Nah this guy is TOO FUNNY 😂 😂😂😂 “I DONT SPEAK YORUBA” https://t.co/GHE0xo2Vdq — Shirtless Plantain Show (@Nigerianscamsss) September 30, 2020
I’m gonna tell my kids about how this man constantly made me laugh during the worst year of my life https://t.co/AzoGrph7pI — Official Potato Stan Account (@LazarusKumi) September 30, 2020
Man said postman brap 😩😭 Has this man got a show yet!!?? https://t.co/RbRKH9LtpK — Anj Baig (@AnjPMG) September 30, 2020
Journalist Ibrahim Mustapha had this conclusion on the Royal Mail’s gesture.
Black people didn’t ask for this. We don’t want this and we don’t care. There are real problems that need solving. Empty gestures like this mean nothing. — Ibrahim Mustapha (@IbrahimMustapha) September 30, 2020
READ MORE
“British media reporting on the ‘Far-Right’ protests this weekend”
Source BBC News, Munya Chawawa Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-01--Boris Johnson held a coronavirus briefing with nothing to say – our 7 favourite responses

Although the coronavirus briefings at Downing Street stopped being a daily occurrence some months ago , because “ the virus @ @ @ @ @ 5PM on Wednesday saw Boris Johnson once again at the podium , flanked by experts @ @ @ @ @ it will become a regular , but not daily , thing once more from now @ @ @ @ @ t really say anything , apart from renewing the threat of a full lockdown if @ @ @ @ @ behave , and the scientists updated us on the worrying stats .
This is what @ @ @ @ @ briefing .
Finally , there was a bit of a mix-up with the TV schedule @ @ @ @ @ to the key points from Boris Johnson ’ s coronavirus briefing

Twitter
Although the coronavirus briefings at Downing Street stopped being a daily occurrence some months ago, because “the virus was under control”, 5PM on Wednesday saw Boris Johnson once again at the podium, flanked by experts.
It’s believed it will become a regular, but not daily, thing once more from now on.
He didn’t really say anything, apart from renewing the threat of a full lockdown if the public doesn’t behave, and the scientists updated us on the worrying stats.
As a leader and statesman I think it's very important to address the nation directly at important moments, such as when there is absolutely nothing new to say.#dailybriefing #coronavirusbriefing — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) September 30, 2020
Boris Johnson with nothing new to say in the #CoronavirusBriefing today. pic.twitter.com/CxLW4EYgQZ — Matthew Rimmer (@MatthewRimmer) September 30, 2020
If anyone is any the wiser about what that daily briefing was supposed to be about, then award yourself a degree in Boris Johnson waffle 🤦🏻♀ — Lost in the Shire (@hobbitoncentral) September 30, 2020
People weren’t impressed.
I'm listening to the PM's presser.
What an embarrassment he is.
Stuttering, spluttering, every third word is a "filler" amongst all the arrr urrs & gesticulations.
He hasn't got a clue !#CoronaVirusBriefing — Clare Hepworth OBE (@Hepworthclare) September 30, 2020
This is what else Twitter said about the briefing.
1.
Boris Johnson: “We are far better prepared than we were in March.” That’s quite a low bar. — George Eaton (@georgeeaton) September 30, 2020
2.
Boris Johnson racing through the #dailybriefing questions as quickly as possible its almost as if he doesn’t really give a shit — dave ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) September 30, 2020
3.
Chris Whitty says he has changed his behaviour since the virus arrived He hasn't been to an illegal rave in months — Liam Thorp (@LiamThorpECHO) September 30, 2020
4.
Petition to apply the Just A Minute rules to all Boris Johnson's speeches. No repetition, hesitation, or deviation from the subject. The nation's mental health could only benefit from this. — Joanne Harris (@Joannechocolat) September 30, 2020
5.
Who could have predicted that a glib chancer with a skim read Greek Mythology for Dummies would turn out so ill equipped to be PM during a pandemic?
Johnson is like a chimp trying to understand a knitting pattern.#downingstreetbriefing — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) September 30, 2020
6.
This graph looks like the London Underground map has suffered a nervous breakdown. #coronavirusbriefing pic.twitter.com/I46PDLRAcy — David Brown (@MrDavidEBrown) September 30, 2020
7.
The only numbers that Boris Johnson, Chris Whitty and Patrick Vallance have managed to bring down are the viewing figures for ‘The Chase’. — Mark Adkins (@MarkMyWordsNews) September 30, 2020
Finally, there was a bit of a mix-up with the TV schedule.
“We asked one hundred people to name a British politician who can explain the coronavirus rules.”
READ MORE
All the funniest responses to the key points from Boris Johnson’s coronavirus briefing
Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-02--This Argos catalogue tale in 3 parts is the loveliest news story you’ll read today

You ’ ll remember a little while ago how Argos announced they would no longer be publishing the heavyweight catalogue @ @ @ @ @ since 1973 , with everyone looking online instead .
Now journalist Harry Wallop has shared @ @ @ @ @ was very upset to see it go and it ’ s today ’ s loveliest @ @ @ @ @ .
And you can follow freelance consumer journalist and feature writer @ hwallop on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ ditching the Argos catalogue and this flick through the 1985 edition proves it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ more )

Twitter
You’ll remember a little while ago how Argos announced they would no longer be publishing the heavyweight catalogue they’ve been printing since 1973, with everyone looking online instead.
Now journalist Harry Wallop has shared this tale of someone who was very upset to see it go and it’s today’s loveliest news story by some distance.
When I broke story about @Argos_Online axing its catalogue, I was contacted by someone who explained her sister-in-law was severely autistic.
"Throughout the last 2 decades, the Argos catalogues have been her only source of entertainment and comfort." 1/3 — Harry Wallop (@hwallop) October 2, 2020
"Zina looks and plays with the catalogue all day/every day, using up one a week as she rips the pages off. She also takes it with her everywhere e.g. hospital and respite".
She was distraught that her supply of catalogues was going to end.
Was there any way I could help? 2/3 — Harry Wallop (@hwallop) October 2, 2020
So I emailed someone senior at @Argos_Online.
This week, this happened…
Yes, that's over a 1,000 Argos catalogues and a very happy Zina. 3/3 pic.twitter.com/IsQUETALHs — Harry Wallop (@hwallop) October 2, 2020
Wonderful.
Well done Harry x — Kat Molesworth (@thatkat) October 2, 2020
As I told Amna, it was literally five minutes of my time. If only all readers contacting you for a favour were a) as lovely b) as easy to help. — Harry Wallop (@hwallop) October 2, 2020
As a parent of an Autistic adult this gladdens my heart greatly 🥳 — Angel (@AngelOTheNorth) October 2, 2020
Sometimes it gets quite dusty, and some of that dust gets into one, or both, of my eyes. Which makes them go all watery.
Seems to have just happened again… — ≋Matt Knight≋ ⚓ 🚲🕷 (@Sea101dog) October 2, 2020
There was a PS.
Thanks to Amna for letting me share this cheering story on a miserable day. And thankyou @Argos_Online and kind person in @SainsburysNews press office (you know who you are) for making this happen. Sometimes, corporate social responsibility can't be measured on a spreadsheet… — Harry Wallop (@hwallop) October 2, 2020
And you can follow freelance consumer journalist and feature writer @hwallop on Twitter here!
READ MORE
They’re ditching the Argos catalogue and this flick through the 1985 edition proves it’s all you remember (and more)
Source Twitter @hwallop


thepoke--2020-10-02--A Trump supporter said everyone at his rallies wore masks and this comeback was perfect

Over on Good Morning Britain , a Donald Trump supporter was saying how you never saw anyone at his rallies @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Matt Braynard , former data chief and strategist at Trump for President on @ @ @ @ @ .
And the response by the producers was 10/10 .
Donald Trump has tested positive @ @ @ @ @ favourite reactions

Videos
Over on Good Morning Britain, a Donald Trump supporter was saying how you never saw anyone at his rallies without a mask.
Here’s Matt Braynard, former data chief and strategist at Trump for President on the ITV breakfast show today. And the response by the producers was 10/10.
“If you run a B-roll of his rallies you can’t find a face without a mask” … cue some lovely work by the @GMB production team pic.twitter.com/diBDO3jyhi — Sachin Nakrani (@SachinNakrani) October 2, 2020
Oof.
This was an amazing moment on-air just now with @GMB. A pro-Trump spin doctor lied about Trump's rallies being full of people wearing masks and the producers were rightly not having any of it. https://t.co/vSC5jRmBwb — Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) October 2, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump has tested positive for coronavirus – our 29+ favourite reactions
Source @SachinNakrani


thepoke--2020-10-02--Donald Trump mocking people wearing a mask is now the best advert for wearing a mask

Some of Donald Trump ’ s supporters might have you believe that he always took the coronavirus seriously and was @ @ @ @ @ wore a face mask .
This little compilation video suggests that might not be entirely @ @ @ @ @ has now been diagnosed with Covid-19 , along with First Lady Melania Trump .
And @ @ @ @ @ effective anti-Covid message ever .
And here ’ s a longer clip of that exchange @ @ @ @ @ first presidential debate , even more extraordinary now than it was then .
This clip @ @ @ @ @ Clinton ’ s pneumonia went viral for reasons that will become obvious AND STILL MORE @ @ @ @ @ for coronavirus – our 29+ favourite reactions

Videos
Some of Donald Trump’s supporters might have you believe that he always took the coronavirus seriously and was never contemptuous of people who wore a face mask.
This little compilation video suggests that might not be entirely true of the president who has now been diagnosed with Covid-19, along with First Lady Melania Trump.
And it might be the most effective anti-Covid message ever.
📺 NEW VIDEO Be smart. The virus is real. Trump’s lies have consequences. pic.twitter.com/kUqFK2rDs5 — MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) October 2, 2020
And here’s a longer clip of that exchange with Joe Biden at the first presidential debate, even more extraordinary now than it was then.
Yeah, masks eh? Complete waste of time, Mr President. Politically correct bullshi … ooh, I don’t feel so good.
READ MORE
This clip of Donald Trump mocking Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia went viral for reasons that will become obvious
AND STILL MORE
Donald Trump has tested positive for coronavirus – our 29+ favourite reactions
Source @MeidasTouch


thepoke--2020-10-02--This clip of Donald Trump mocking Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia went viral for reasons that will becom

This clip of Donald Trump mocking Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia went viral for reasons that will become obvious

As you ’ ll have seen by now , US president Donald Trump and the First Lady , Melania Trump @ @ @ @ @ the coronavirus .
Given what Trump has previously said – and not said – about @ @ @ @ @ shortage of comment , as you might imagine .
But lots of people said Trump @ @ @ @ @ when he is suffering from a serious illness .
To which one might very well @ @ @ @ @ 4-year-old clip of Trump , during the last presidential elections , talking about his opponent @ @ @ @ @ pneumonia .
No wonder it went viral all over again .
And these people put @ @ @ @ @ has tested positive for coronavirus – our 29+ favourite reactions

Videos
As you’ll have seen by now, US president Donald Trump and the First Lady, Melania Trump, have tested positive for the coronavirus.
Given what Trump has previously said – and not said – about Covid-19, it prompted no shortage of comment, as you might imagine.
But lots of people said Trump shouldn’t be mocked when he is suffering from a serious illness.
To which one might very well respond with this, a 4-year-old clip of Trump, during the last presidential elections, talking about his opponent Hillary Clinton when she had pneumonia.
Donald Trump mocks Hillary Clinton over her pneumonia outbreak pic.twitter.com/feHjV6cLDa — The Telegraph (@Telegraph) October 2, 2016
No wonder it went viral all over again. And these people put it best.
I'm old enough to remember when trump mocked Hillary Clinton when she had pneumonia, so miss me with all the sanctimonious bullshit about how nice we have to be. Seriously, fuck trump.
IT IS WHAT IT IS. https://t.co/z1wlZM5vq1 — BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) October 2, 2020
Wow. Four years ago to the day. https://t.co/icC2eLWNDW — Robert A George (@RobGeorge) October 2, 2020
Four years ago, today: Donald Trump was mocking Hillary Clinton for contracting an illness – pneumonia – and implying that it showed she was weak. https://t.co/wywh62CntI — Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) October 2, 2020
And before anyone gets on their high horse about anyone cracking gags about Trump, remember this gem. https://t.co/VCx59b170w — Jim Sheridan (@Jim_Sheridan) October 2, 2020
https://twitter.com/J4CKMULL/status/1311913486461669376?s=20
READ MORE
Donald Trump has tested positive for coronavirus – our 29+ favourite reactions
Source @Telegraph


thepoke--2020-10-02--Our top 25 funny tweets of the week

Our top 25 funny tweets of the week

It ’ s been a long week and a lot has happened out in the real world , with new @ @ @ @ @ President and an SNP MP turning herself into a one-woman plague via the rail system @ @ @ @ @ , some people have posted funny stuff that ’ s a covid-free zone , and @ @ @ @ @ it .
These are the 25 best ones we ’ ve seen this week .

Twitter
It’s been a long week and a lot has happened out in the real world, with new coronavirus rules, an infected President and an SNP MP turning herself into a one-woman plague via the rail system.
But over on Twitter, some people have posted funny stuff that’s a covid-free zone, and we’re here for it.
These are the 25 best ones we’ve seen this week.
1.
When you've died in a horrible car accident but the dogs still need to be walked. pic.twitter.com/ljT0y2TM1i — Father Drinks McGee (@drinksmcgee) September 24, 2020
2.
i need a girlfriend so we can spend fall doing fun seasonal things like swallowing pumpkins whole and hunting down the scarecrow that murdered my uncle — tatum (@50FirstTates) September 24, 2020
3.
I'm starving. All I've had to eat today is an egg at breakfast. I'm running on Humpty. — Paul (@bingowings14) October 1, 2020
4.
hot air balloon pilot: we’re gonna crash me: oh no hot air balloon pilot: me: hot air balloon pilot: me: hot air balloon pilot: aaany minute — slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 26, 2020
5.
Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary. — Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020
6.
I don’t get it when I see skinny people running….. aren’t you done??? — J*ckie (@jackies_backie) September 27, 2020
7.
Just overdid the Tea Tree & Mint Original Source Shower Gel. #PrayForMe — Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 27, 2020
8.
Bet we’d all own houses if we stopped eating so much avocado toast and committed more tax fraud. — Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 27, 2020
9.
Reading Joe Wicks has transformed the way I live my life. I now make unsubtle begs for a book deal every day. — Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) September 25, 2020
10.
Not many know that Escher had the inspiration for his drawing after visiting an Egyptian ministry to get some paperwork done. pic.twitter.com/dblX8icLNE — Karl Sharro (@KarlreMarks) September 28, 2020
11.
Which is the softest pencil available in Wales? 10B — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) September 29, 2020
12.