thepoke--2020-02-20--15 horrifying examples of houseguests overstepping the mark (NSFW)

Over on the r/AskReddit subreddit , Kenygarry asked “ What is the most annoying thing a guest has done in @ @ @ @ @ ’ s a great question , because everybody has a story , and if they @ @ @ @ @ , they are the story .
We really liked – or hated – these fifteen @ @ @ @ @ are NSFW .
6 .
Never mess with the toilet roll orientation

Weird World
Over on the r/AskReddit subreddit, Kenygarry asked “What is the most annoying thing a guest has done in your home?” It’s a great question, because everybody has a story, and if they think they don’t, they are the story.
We really liked – or hated – these fifteen tales. Some of them are NSFW.
1. The toilet wrecker
2. JUST USE TOILET PAPER
3. Trash, just trash
4. Dangerous makeover
5. The thief
6. Never mess with the toilet roll orientation
7. Housesitters from Hell
8. What a w*nker


thepoke--2020-02-20--This hilarious overdub fakes Ariana Grande’s “worst ever performance”

Talented content creator , TheKosmic8 , has a knack for funny voiceovers , and one way he uses them is @ @ @ @ @ , strictly for laughs .
His latest victim is Ariana Grande , who sang her @ @ @ @ @ at the Grammy ’ s a few weeks ago – but not like this .
@ @ @ @ @ users thought of it .
We can ’ t swear to it , but we @ @ @ @ @ t an Ariana fan .
Check out his other videos for more laughs .

Videos
Talented content creator, TheKosmic8, has a knack for funny voiceovers, and one way he uses them is to ruin perfectly good performances, strictly for laughs.
His latest victim is Ariana Grande, who sang her hit song “Imagine” at the Grammy’s a few weeks ago – but not like this.
Here’s what YouTube users thought of it.
We can’t swear to it, but we suspect this person isn’t an Ariana fan.
Check out his other videos for more laughs.
READ MORE
Source YouTube Image The Grammys


thepoke--2020-02-20--The only 8 birthday messages for Prince Andrew you need to read

Wednesday was Prince Andrew ’ s 60th birthday , which he would have been celebrating with a massive knees-up , @ @ @ @ @ if he hadn ’ t pissed off Her Maj by hanging out with a paedophile @ @ @ @ @ medical condition in a Newsnight interview .
Instead , he had a dinner with close @ @ @ @ @ Royal Twitter account tweeted him a little tribute .
We appreciate they had to post @ @ @ @ @ felt it was in bad taste – a sentiment perfectly expressed by writer , Otegha @ @ @ @ @ s fair to say that we didn ’ t see a single response in his @ @ @ @ @ see a lot that were funny , so we picked a few favourites .
Inevitably @ @ @ @ @ a certain fast food joint .
Author and very funny tweeter James Felton had a @ @ @ @ @ stop them .
People were bristling at the idea of bells and flags for Prince @ @ @ @ @ 9 ringing takedowns

Twitter
Wednesday was Prince Andrew’s 60th birthday, which he would have been celebrating with a massive knees-up, as the Royals say, if he hadn’t pissed off Her Maj by hanging out with a paedophile, then inventing an impossible medical condition in a Newsnight interview.
Instead, he had a dinner with close family, and the official Royal Twitter account tweeted him a little tribute.
On this day in 1960, Prince Andrew was born at Buckingham Palace, the first child born to a reigning monarch for 103 years. Happy Birthday to The Duke of York. pic.twitter.com/zoZErBHQbG — The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) February 19, 2020
We appreciate they had to post something, but many people felt it was in bad taste – a sentiment perfectly expressed by writer, Otegha K. Uwagba.
*whispers* read the room https://t.co/9CcLbaXnyH — Otegha K. Uwagba (@OteghaUwagba) February 19, 2020
It’s fair to say that we didn’t see a single response in his favour, but we did see a lot that were funny, so we picked a few favourites.
1.
This is an incredible piece of social media copy writing. They managed to list all his achievements in a single tweet. https://t.co/evAfMYRq5c — John Moynes (@JohnMoynes) February 19, 2020
2.
What's he doing for it, full party with a sex offender or a quiet pizza in woking? — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 19, 2020
3.
HRH: “I’m sorry Andrew, but we won’t be having a party for you this year.” ANDREW: “No sweat.” HRH: “Don’t start with that bollocks again!” — ⁉ (@_tillyflip_) February 19, 2020
4.
So glad I live in a Republic right now https://t.co/z6GKwh6RdB — Eoin Kelleher (@eoinyk) February 19, 2020
5.
some social media manager is about to have a very bad day https://t.co/dJTMTgzQzh — Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) February 19, 2020
6.
Quiet everyone, the Royal Family is making an annoncement. https://t.co/LljfPmEek8 — Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) February 19, 2020
7.
GET HIM AWAY FROM THAT BABY https://t.co/bD7PLnA9A2 — Summer Ray (@SummerRay) February 19, 2020
8.
Don't see him getting a girl popping out a cake this year, do you?
. https://t.co/AMEU8JxrD2 — YES 🏴 Бот 🇪🇪 (@YESthatcherDead) February 19, 2020
Inevitably, there were several mentioning a certain fast food joint.
birthday piss up at the pizza express in woking on andy lads https://t.co/fwL6FiGqTq — loo (@woozyyloo) February 19, 2020
Author and very funny tweeter James Felton had a warning.
Let Prince Andrew be a powerful message to all the nonces and friends of nonces out there: If you hang out with paedophiles for years and don’t cooperate with the FBI, your birthday celebrations will be very muted. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 19, 2020
That ought to stop them.
READ MORE
People were bristling at the idea of bells and flags for Prince Andrew’s birthday – 9 ringing takedowns
Source @RoyalFamily Image @RoyalFamily


thepoke--2020-02-19--This woman thought ‘hamster pic’ was a euphemism and got furious when it really was a rodent

If you want to get along with a prospective date , it ’ s best not to insult their pets @ @ @ @ @ s this guy and his beloved hamster .
A salutary tale for us all this @ @ @ @ @ Reddit ’ s ‘ Am I The Asshole ’ subReddit which later went viral on @ @ @ @ @ followable @ AITA_reddit .
Here ’ s why .
And because you want to see @ @ @ @ @ everyone else did .
A bride asked her cousin to dye her red hair as @ @ @ @ @ her colour schemed wedding and the internet spoke as one

Popular
If you want to get along with a prospective date, it’s best not to insult their pets. Especially if it’s this guy and his beloved hamster.
A salutary tale for us all this, a story shared on Reddit’s ‘Am I The Asshole’ subReddit which later went viral on Twitter courtesy of the always followable @AITA_reddit. Here’s why.
And because you want to see the hamster as much as everyone else did.
Aww!
NTA. If someone asked me if I wanted to see their hamster and then sent me a picture of their gentials I’d be mad. Not only for the unwanted nude but bc they called it a hamster. Snake or beaver I’d understand but hamster??? pic.twitter.com/9SYWyvr0Np — Je suis Fatty-Gay (@TimeIsNotGiven) February 7, 2020
NTA “hamster” is not ambiguous. even of OP had been baiting with a REAL euphemism, sending a harmless photo instead of nudes is not reason for someone to blow up at you. OP dodges a bullet — simon is enjoying Cold Boy Winter (@SimonJadis) February 7, 2020
That baby’s name is Nym and tbh I would be much happier to get a picture of her than the majority of pictures I’ve been sent by people I’ve met on dating sites. pic.twitter.com/bqIcuXNYUt — Jen (@such_hockey_wow) February 7, 2020
Absolutely
Pets >>>>>>>>> Nudes — 🗽 Katelyn 🐰 (@katelynanne) February 7, 2020
1) NTA
2) I would legit die for that hamster
3) Reminds me of: pic.twitter.com/7s8jyfZRb4 — Gareth Roberts (@kentrosaurian) February 7, 2020
READ MORE
A bride asked her cousin to dye her red hair as it didn’t fit her colour schemed wedding and the internet spoke as one
Source Reddit u/9r7g5h hamster H/T Twitter @AITA_reddit


thepoke--2020-02-19--A bride asked her cousin to dye her red hair as it didn’t fit her colour schemed wedding and the int

A bride asked her cousin to dye her red hair as it didn’t fit her colour schemed wedding and the internet spoke as one

You ’ ll probably be familiar now with the subReddit ‘ Am I The Asshole ’ in which people share real-life situations just to double check they did the right ( or wrong ) thing .
It ’ s not often , however , that you get to hear both sides of the story .
But in the case of a bride who asked her cousin to dye her red hair because it didn ’ t match her wedding ’ s colour scheme , that ’ s exactly what happened .
And now , the cousin ( hurray ! )
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ to learn that everyone agreed there was only one arsehole here .
And it wasn ’ t the cousin .
Here are just a handful of the things the many , many people said in response .
‘ HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER THAT POST AND YOUR COUSIN IS CRAZY !
!
Seriously though , NTA [ Not The Asshole ] .
Your hair is gorgeous and you shouldn ’ t change it for anyone , least of all a bridezilla !
I ’ m glad your family is on your side : ) @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beautiful and honestly I think she ’ s probably jealous of your hair which is why she wants you to change it.
’ LadyLochan ‘ WTAF ?
!
You are absolutely NTA , your cousin sounds like an absolute loon .
Your hair is really beautiful btw , and even if it was flaming Merida red ( which would also be awesome ) it still wouldn ’ t be remotely reasonable for your cousin to ask you to dye it .
Is she really jealous or something ?
Three of my bridesmaids were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beautiful , glowing mermaids they are so fuck your cousin for being a dick .
You definitely do not have to go.
’ Ricoret And what they told the bride .
‘ YTA [ You ’ re The Asshole ] – This is her natural hair .
If she had artificial coloring , I can see asking her to dye it again , but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color .
Yes your wedding , but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit.
’ riskmgmt ‘ No @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hair , you don ’ t get to demand that someone change their hair color for your wedding .
If all you care about is the aesthetic of your photos and not , you know , having your friends and family around for your big day , then just don ’ t invite them .
Or ask your photographer to photoshop their hair to a different color in the pictures .
Or fucking have everyone wear hats .
But you absolutely do not get to ask your guests to change their hair color/weight/glasses/etc @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the asshole for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me ?

Popular
You’ll probably be familiar now with the subReddit ‘Am I The Asshole’ in which people share real-life situations just to double check they did the right (or wrong) thing.
It’s not often, however, that you get to hear both sides of the story. But in the case of a bride who asked her cousin to dye her red hair because it didn’t match her wedding’s colour scheme, that’s exactly what happened.
First, the bride (boo!)
And now, the cousin (hurray!)
And you won’t be surprised to learn that everyone agreed there was only one arsehole here. And it wasn’t the cousin.
Here are just a handful of the things the many, many people said in response.
‘HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER THAT POST AND YOUR COUSIN IS CRAZY!!
Seriously though, NTA [Not The Asshole]. Your hair is gorgeous and you shouldn’t change it for anyone, least of all a bridezilla! I’m glad your family is on your side :)’ Arry_Potter ‘NTA Your hair is beautiful and honestly I think she’s probably jealous of your hair which is why she wants you to change it.’ LadyLochan ‘WTAF?! You are absolutely NTA, your cousin sounds like an absolute loon.
Your hair is really beautiful btw, and even if it was flaming Merida red (which would also be awesome) it still wouldn’t be remotely reasonable for your cousin to ask you to dye it. Is she really jealous or something?
Three of my bridesmaids were redheads and they all looked like the beautiful, glowing mermaids they are so fuck your cousin for being a dick.
You definitely do not have to go.’ Ricoret
And what they told the bride.
‘YTA [You’re The Asshole] – This is her natural hair. If she had artificial coloring, I can see asking her to dye it again, but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color. Yes your wedding, but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit.’ riskmgmt ‘No, even if she had artificially colored hair, you don’t get to demand that someone change their hair color for your wedding. If all you care about is the aesthetic of your photos and not, you know, having your friends and family around for your big day, then just don’t invite them. Or ask your photographer to photoshop their hair to a different color in the pictures. Or fucking have everyone wear hats. But you absolutely do not get to ask your guests to change their hair color/weight/glasses/etc for your wedding.’ DaileDoe
READ MORE
Am I the asshole for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?
Source Reddit and Reddit H/T Twitter @AITA_reddit


thepoke--2020-02-19--This list of ‘banned insights’ should be on the wall of every meeting room

‘ This is canon , ’ says @ coreykindberg over on Twitter and we think he might be right .
@ @ @ @ @ of ‘ banned insights ’ that should be on the wall of every meeting room @ @ @ @ @ as this .
And just in case that ’ s tricky to read … Any @ @ @ @ @ we can make fun of you The world is more divided than ever We ’ @ @ @ @ @ ever but we ’ ve never felt more alone We ’ re connecting with our @ @ @ @ @ most progressive generation of our time Institutional trust is at an all time low Millennials @ @ @ @ @ any generation before them It ’ s harder than ever to be a teenager How @ @ @ @ @

Pics
‘This is canon,’ says @coreykindberg over on Twitter and we think he might be right.
It’s a list of ‘banned insights’ that should be on the wall of every meeting room because it includes such gems as this.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
BANNED INSIGHTS Any use of these insights means we can make fun of you The world is more divided than ever Choice paralysis Technology is accelerating We’re busier than ever We’re never more connected than ever but we’ve never felt more alone We’re connecting with our heads down Millennials value experiences over things Gen-Z is the most progressive generation of our time Blah blah blah echo chambers Institutional trust is at an all time low Millennials have had it harder than any generation before them It’s harder than ever to be a teenager Anything avocado toast
but this is also your go to when someone is like “we need a strategy in 6 hours” — corey kindberg (@coreykindberg) February 13, 2020
READ MORE
How to appear confident in meetings
Source Twitter @coreykindberg


thepoke--2020-02-19--This letter suggesting NASA ‘bring back sending animals into space as punishment’ is out of this wor

This letter suggesting NASA ‘bring back sending animals into space as punishment’ is out of this world

If you don ’ t follow Sir Michael – AKA @ Michael1979 on Twitter – then you really should , and this is just one of the reasons why .
He shared a letter he wrote to NASA in which the great man suggests they should bring back sending animals into space as punishment .
‘ I still think this is a good idea , ’ says @ Michael1979 .
And just in case that ’ s tricky to read … My name is Michael and I have been reading on Facebook about early NASA missions in which animals were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
How come you stopped doing that ?
Would you ever consider bringing it back ?
In my opinion , it wold teach misbehaving animals a lesson about the importance of treating people with respect .
If you decide to bring it back , I have made a list of the first three animals who I believe would be perfect candidates .
1 .
The stingray who murdered Steve Irwin ( It needs to learn that what it did was wrong ) 2 .
The seagull who stole my cousin ’ s ice-cream @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to identity the exact culprit but we could just choose one seagull at random to discourage the others ) 3 .
Wasps I have a lot of other ideas about space too so if you want to discuss them , let me know .
I am free most afternoons and evenings .
And some mornings .
And if you ’ re wondering exactly how NASA would respond to a letter like that , wonder no more .
The purpose of sending animals into space was as a means of conducting biomedical research in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
It was never used as a punishment for misbehaviour .
Should you wish to learn more about the history of any of our early programs , please visit the history section of our website .
And here are just a few of the things people said in response .
In the unlikely event you don ’ t already , follow @ Michael1979 now !
This crime victim received little sympathy from their WhatsApp group and it ’ s a very funny read

Popular
If you don’t follow Sir Michael – AKA @Michael1979 on Twitter – then you really should, and this is just one of the reasons why.
He shared a letter he wrote to NASA in which the great man suggests they should bring back sending animals into space as punishment.
‘I still think this is a good idea,’ says @Michael1979.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
Dear sir/madam My name is Michael and I have been reading on Facebook about early NASA missions in which animals were sent into space as punishment for misbehaviour. How come you stopped doing that? Would you ever consider bringing it back? In my opinion, it wold teach misbehaving animals a lesson about the importance of treating people with respect. If you decide to bring it back, I have made a list of the first three animals who I believe would be perfect candidates. 1. The stingray who murdered Steve Irwin (It needs to learn that what it did was wrong)
2. The seagull who stole my cousin’s ice-cream cone in 2016 (would be hard to identity the exact culprit but we could just choose one seagull at random to discourage the others)
3. Wasps I have a lot of other ideas about space too so if you want to discuss them, let me know. I am free most afternoons and evenings. And some mornings. Yours faithfully Michael
And if you’re wondering exactly how NASA would respond to a letter like that, wonder no more.
Dear Michael The purpose of sending animals into space was as a means of conducting biomedical research in order to study the effects of microgravity. It was never used as a punishment for misbehaviour. Should you wish to learn more about the history of any of our early programs, please visit the history section of our website. Sincerely
And here are just a few of the things people said in response.
For the love of G*d Michael, stop flip-flopping from issue to issue. One day it's chairs, then tennis. A quick detour to stairs and now space. You must have been* infuriating as a child. *still are — Leah (@GreenNotCabbage) February 11, 2020
Michael, I would like you to add the Wildebeest that killed Mufasa to your NASA list please. -NewDadNotes — Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 12, 2020
NASA has gone soft, not just on animals but also space conquest. How long since they conquered the Moon? Nothing conquered since. And they haven't even pillaged the Moon properly. Time for a new world order to exploit Space more ruthlessly. I think you should head this, Micheal — Bunstance Bunnidge (@BunstanceB) February 11, 2020
This is the most sensible post I've seen all day. Finally someone around here telling it like it is. — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 11, 2020
In the unlikely event you don’t already, follow @Michael1979 now!
READ MORE SIR MICHAEL
This crime victim received little sympathy from their WhatsApp group and it’s a very funny read
Source Twitter @Michael1979


thepoke--2020-02-19--Simply 13 things people do that feel illegal but really aren’t

It began when someone called @ lovelyjess on Twitter had a question for her followers .
And it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ a chord .
It really struck a chord , and here are our favourite things @ @ @ @ @ but really aren ’ t .
And then there were a whole bunch of slightly @ @ @ @ @ feels really good but you know it ’ s really wrong

Twitter
It began when someone called @lovelyjess on Twitter had a question for her followers.
What feels illegal, but isn’t? — jess (@loveIyjess) January 29, 2020
And it’s fair to say it struck a chord. It really struck a chord, and here are our favourite things people do that feel illegal but really aren’t.
1.
Automatically and unintentionally looking at someone’s cellphone when it lights up when they get a message — Ty (@tylawiggles) January 30, 2020
2.
Everything when a cop car is behind you — Lori Harvey Stan Account (@xBelleAme) January 30, 2020
3.
walking in on someone using the bathroom — esther (@esthersparkles) January 29, 2020
4.
Leaving your house without telling anyone where you’re going — Welly Gedel (@WearAndBuyGhana) January 30, 2020
5.
Having the light on inside the car — ❥ᴍ ᴀ ʀ ɪ s ᴏ ʟ (@muuhhrisol_) January 29, 2020
6.
Getting something to eat in the middle of the night 😳 — Hellsangel8081 (@Hellsangel8081) January 30, 2020
7.
Not finishing your food — Arin 🌭 (@them0f0princess) January 29, 2020
8.
Buying condoms — Alondra 🌻 (@anovoa23) January 30, 2020
9.
Creeping DEEP into somebody’s Facebook albums — lightskin type beat (@lophiile) February 3, 2020
10.
Driving without your windscreen fully defrosted — J Λ Y 💀 (@waveyJakeey) January 30, 2020
11.
taking a lollipop from the bowl at the bank — deen ✨ (@deenwith2es) January 30, 2020
12.
Going into a supermarket and using the bags of another supermarket — Meg📚 (@SiriusMeg) February 3, 2020
13.
And then there were a whole bunch of slightly more serious answers…
1 hour of my life being worth £9 https://t.co/Kw9kVQOmBh — bettie (@frankenquine) February 2, 2020
Flooding a Welsh village to supply water for an English city https://t.co/CappzvqBc8 — Tom Wallace (@pianydd) February 3, 2020
https://twitter.com/edgarrmcgregor/status/1224745435488649217?s=20
And finally. This.
Everything. Laws are a social construct created by man as a means of forced morality. If we’re being technical. — Burnie Danders (@itspizzlehoe) January 30, 2020
READ MORE
When something feels really good but you know it’s really wrong
Source Twitter @lovelyjess Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-20--Simply 23 brilliantly terrible dad jokes that are guaranteed to take the edge off

From the very followable @ Dadsaysjokes on Twitter come these 23 classics of the genre , brilliantly terribly and hilarious @ @ @ @ @ guaranteed to take the edge off everything else that is happening right now .

Popular
From the very followable @Dadsaysjokes on Twitter come these 23 classics of the genre, brilliantly terribly and hilarious groansome dad jokes that are guaranteed to take the edge off everything else that is happening right now.
1.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 18, 2019
2.
I recently started a band called 999 Megabytes. We’re good but we haven’t got a gig yet. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) May 1, 2019
3.
Me: I'm terrified of random letters Therapist: You are? Me: (Screams) Therapist: I see Me: (Scream intensifies) — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 11, 2020
4.
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?" No idea, they just ransomware. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) October 6, 2019
5.
Boss: How good are you at Power Point? Me: I Excel at it Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) July 9, 2018
6.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d been with. She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 31, 2019
7.
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" No sun. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 7, 2019
8.
I am giving up drinking for a month. Sorry that came out wrong. I am giving up. Drinking for a month. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) December 19, 2019
9.
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 6, 2020
10.
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I’ll let you know. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) April 6, 2019
11.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" Lovely woman; terrible surgeon. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 15, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-20--Simply 17 absolute truths about life in your 30s shared by people in their 30s

If you ever wondered what life in your 30s is like , or if you want to remember what it @ @ @ @ @ want to reassure yourself that what you ’ re experiencing right now is not just @ @ @ @ @ this will help .
It ’ s a bunch of uncomfortable truths about life as @ @ @ @ @ good people of BoredPanda .
There ’ s a whole bunch here but here are @ @ @ @ @ suggested by lots of lovely thirtysomethings on Twitter .

Twitter
If you ever wondered what life in your 30s will be like, or if you want to remember what it was like, or if you want to reassure yourself that what you’re experiencing now is not just you then, well, this will help.
It’s a bunch of uncomfortable truths about life as a thirtysomething collected by the good people of BoredPanda. There’s a whole load here but these are our 17 favourites, as suggested by lots of lovely thirtysomethings on Twitter.
At least, we’re presuming they’re thirtysomething …
1.
Age 17: sneak out of the house to go to a party Age 37: sneak out of a party to go home — Not Matt Moscona (@NotMoscona) September 19, 2019
2.
Being in your 30s is constantly thinking the 90s were just a decade ago — brain genius (@Millerheighife) August 12, 2019
3.
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams. Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams. Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams. — Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 17, 2020
4.
When parents say to kids "go to ur room & think about what you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult — pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 18, 2015
5.
https://twitter.com/LoriG/status/997690691890434048?s=20
6.
Me in my 20s: I'm never gonna turn into my dad. Me in my 30s: WHO LEFT ALL THE LIGHTS ON DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY — Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) July 19, 2018
7.
Dating in your thirties is like, “so, what do you do for work and fun!! also what traumas have you accumulated by this point that I should be mindful of?” — Chris Stedman (@ChrisDStedman) February 2, 2020
8.
Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks — Your Best Friend (@SortaBad) October 4, 2016
9.


thepoke--2020-02-21--Simply 18 times Irvine Welsh was brilliant (and brilliantly NSFW) on Twitter

Irvine Welsh is an author and playwright who has written so many fantastic books ( our personal favourite is Filth @ @ @ @ @ not why we ’ re here ) .
We ’ re here because Welsh is @ @ @ @ @ Twitter , both fabulous and fabulously NSFW , just as you ’ d expect .
@ @ @ @ @ our favourites .
And you can follow Irvine Welsh on Twitter here .

Twitter
Irvine Welsh is an author and playwright who has written so many fantastic books (our personal favourite is Filth, but that’s not why we’re here).
We’re here because Welsh is also a past master of Twitter, both fabulous and fabulously NSFW, just as you’d expect. And here are 18 of our favourites.
1.
Fuck off and take your sniveling legal hired bullshitters with you. You couldn’t write a sentence on your own without spunking off about the working class or single mothers or black people you spoiled incompetent lying over privileged bag of shite. https://t.co/EUUeYxIwzO — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) December 1, 2019
2.
I live well and enjoy the odd glass of champagne. I also have leftist politics. If some cap-doffing low wage Tory voting twat calls me a hypocrite I reckon I can handle that just as easily as some simpleton can with his poverty as his masters grow richer. Fuck those arseholes. — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) October 24, 2019
3.
Good on them. They’re gorgeous and you can guarantee they will be having better sex than any of the wankers sneering at them. https://t.co/LdRB2EHztb — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) February 12, 2020
4.
Thank fuck you managed to end all urban violence in American cities. Tell us how you did that again, you dumb cunt? https://t.co/qlX77ZI9Dq — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) June 16, 2019
5.
If you’re thinking of voting for this cunt, I seriously hope you have a ton of money. Cause if not you’re a fucking idiot. https://t.co/aFRXDDLY3u — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) December 11, 2019
6.
If you’re working class fuck being shamed into feeling that art and politics are beyond you. Pretension isn’t a stick to be used to beat you – it’s your fuckin birthright. Embrace. — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) November 24, 2019
7.
You didn’t fight any wars. You played fucking cricket, you dopey old twat. https://t.co/2EtPfhC9Cu — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) February 9, 2020
8.
Bowie refused, Savile accepted. That’s the #NewYearsHonours system. — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) December 28, 2019
9.
Fuck off. We (and you) have moved way past all that bullshit. I’m actually gobsmacked that you can even be arsed to maintain this tepid pretence, which is obviously done under grudging duress. https://t.co/StYqFYr3q3 — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) December 4, 2019
10.
It must have been a very tough decision for Piers, but, I think, the right one. I hope everyone can now just leave him to get on with his life. https://t.co/tDjTAPjOmo — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) February 9, 2020
11.
When you lament how much time you are spending on Twitter making a tit of yourself by ranting a load of shit nobody really gives a fuck about, console yourself by thinking about the fortune you’re saving on cocaine. — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) February 13, 2020
12.
13.
Now that’s what I call taking it to the opposition https://t.co/9W67JbKAeH — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) January 21, 2020
14.
15.
Fuck off with your heartbreak and prayers you tiresome gun lobby asslicker and do shit about this carnage https://t.co/Q2rF8JtatG — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) February 14, 2018
16.
17.
And you can follow Irvine Welsh on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Simply 24 times Richard Osman won at Twitter
Source Twitter @IrvineWelsh


thepoke--2020-02-21--The 25 funniest things from this week

The 25 funniest things from this week

This week has seen more storms – wind and rain across the UK , a punitive immigration system , and @ @ @ @ @ Patel in the halls of Westminster .
Over on Twitter , things were just as @ @ @ @ @ – particularly these 25 funny things .

Twitter
This week has seen more storms – wind and rain across the UK, a punitive immigration system, and accusations of bullying against Priti Patel in the halls of Westminster.
Over on Twitter, things were just as stormy, but considerably funnier – particularly these 25 funny things.
1.
No horror film scares me like when I’m on my phone next to my sleeping wife and accidentally click onto a loud video. — Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) February 19, 2020
2.
My 5 year old has just made a hands free iPad viewer out of an empty box.
Disturbing Blue Peter / Black Mirror crossover 😂 pic.twitter.com/WwsdsFCktn — Konnie Huq (@Konnie_Huq) February 16, 2020
3.
Me: [Googles a couple of brands of whisky to use as references for a work project] Facebook algorithms: "We acknowledge and support your sudden alcoholism. Here are several dozen other types of hard spirits you may consider buying that we'll remind you about every 3 minutes" — Dean Burnett (@garwboy) February 14, 2020
4.
Just had to explain to someone that the Netherlands and their Nether Regions were NOT the same place… — Dr Amir Khan GP (@DrAmirKhanGP) February 15, 2020
5.
Run into @GreggsOfficial earlier waiting for a yum yum and sly guy taking loads of pics of me queuing up. Honestly no need to do it on the sly just ask and I would have layed on the counter and posed. pic.twitter.com/AHIPKuar1d — Rylan Clark-Neal (@Rylan) February 20, 2020
6.
Made the taxi wait an extra 10 min tonight then got in it and said “sorry about the wait” tae which he replied “don’t worry pal av always been this size” whole new level of taxi patter — Jamie (@123_jamiebell) February 15, 2020
7.
Sometimes I think I’ve got my shit together and then I remember we still only have a cheese grater I won in a cracker pic.twitter.com/bmiOxZLZU5 — Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) February 20, 2020
8.
5 drinks to get to know me – Tea
– Tea that has gone cold because I forgot about it
– Reheated tea
– Tea that has been left in the microwave because I forgot I'd reheated it
– Cold tea — Holly Brockwell (@holly) February 17, 2020
9.
When I married my husband I said ‘for better or worse’, I DID NOT say that I would stay with him if he put scones in the toaster — Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) February 16, 2020
10.
As Boris Johnson is told to sack an adviser with “sinister views", No 10 asks if they could narrow it down a bit. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) February 17, 2020
11.
It seems my mother-in-law’s oven comes with VAR. Now every time she cooks a chicken I’m going to check for a fowl. pic.twitter.com/sPwb9XUxOp — Ivor Baddiel (@Ivorbaddiel) February 17, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-21--How scary can a loose screw be? A lot more than you’d think

Over on the r/Unexpected subreddit , someone named u/AmyTheBeri has posted a short video of a loose screw .
Why @ @ @ @ @ Watch and learn .
We can ’ t help wondering whether the footage has no @ @ @ @ @ t want to share a stream of profanity , which is what would happen if @ @ @ @ @ plane ’ s wing was compromised .
It might not be so bad if it @ @ @ @ @ a bunch of screws are already missing .
This comment from u/DevilSquidMac didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ on planes and coronavirus on ships , staying home has never looked more attractive .
@ @ @ @ @ landing at Heathrow in Storm Dennis is awe-inspiring and terrifying

Videos
Over on the r/Unexpected subreddit, someone named u/AmyTheBeri has posted a short video of a loose screw.
Why would she do that? Watch and learn.
We can’t help wondering whether the footage has no sound because she didn’t want to share a stream of profanity, which is what would happen if most of us thought the plane’s wing was compromised.
It might not be so bad if it weren’t obvious that a bunch of screws are already missing.
This comment from u/DevilSquidMac didn’t help.
Card
Between loose screws on planes and coronavirus on ships, staying home has never looked more attractive.
READ MORE
The skill of this pilot landing at Heathrow in Storm Dennis is awe-inspiring and terrifying
Source r/Unexpected Image r/Unexpected, @ejuneolgac on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-21--A man was spotted eating a full English on the Tube – funniest 5 things people said about it

It ’ s not often you see this on the London Underground .
In fact , it ’ s not @ @ @ @ @ any public transport , anywhere .
And not surprisingly it went viral , very viral @ @ @ @ @ 5 things people said about it .
And this person ?
Well , this person @ @ @ @ @ you ’ d take a breakfast on the Tube .
Just the perfect response to @ @ @ @ @ make a full English breakfast

Pics
It’s not often you see this on the London Underground. In fact, it’s not often you see this on any public transport, anywhere.
A bloke eating a full English on the London Underground. pic.twitter.com/4QgqAw71aB — WireSpy (@YouKnow15743821) February 20, 2020
And not surprisingly it went viral, very viral.
Here are our favourite 5 things people said about it.
I bet absolutely nobody asked him why he was eating his breakfast there & avoided all eye contact with him. On a Yorkshire train people would be having a nice chat & asking if they could nibble his sausage. — Callie Walnuts 🏴 (@CallieWalnuts) February 20, 2020
In my head, there’s a cup of tea between his feet. — Akin Omobitan (@AkinOmobitan) February 20, 2020
This reminds me of when I got a taxi somewhere and the driver was eating trifle from a huge cut glass bowl on his lap while steering with his knees — Phil Gwd (@phil_gwd) February 20, 2020
Mind the bap — Honest Frank (@HonestFrank) February 20, 2020
This should be worth 2000 points in the new points based immigration system. — stephen parker (@kittyfrisk) February 20, 2020
And this is for anyone who is familiar with this particular Tube line.
If he was on the Central line, it would still be cooking from the heat. https://t.co/Bt3CDT1UX7 — The People’s Chris Rose (@ArchRose90) February 20, 2020
READ MORE
Just the perfect response to an American who tried to make a full English breakfast
Source Twitter @YouKnow15743821


thepoke--2020-02-21--Donald Trump hated Parasite winning the best movie Oscar because it’s S Korean – only 5 responses yo

Donald Trump hated Parasite winning the best movie Oscar because it’s S Korean – only 5 responses you need

We ’ re not sure what we ’ re least surprised by – the fact that Donald Trump hates the @ @ @ @ @ movie won the best picture Oscar , or that he hasn ’ t seen the @ @ @ @ @ Parasite .
Give the so-called president Gone With The Wind any day , he told @ @ @ @ @ cheerers .
No , seriously , he did .
And these are the only 5 @ @ @ @ @ go on then , and this .
People are laughing at the Trump fan who @ @ @ @ @ Keanu

Twitter
We’re not sure what we’re least surprised by – the fact that Donald Trump hates the fact that a South Korean movie won the best picture Oscar, or that he hasn’t seen the critically-acclaimed Academy Award winner, Parasite.
Give the so-called president Gone With The Wind any day, he told this audience of whoopers and cheerers. No, seriously, he did.
Trump goes off on the Oscars for giving Best Picture to Parasite because it's a South Korean movie pic.twitter.com/GUGKdExTbw — Claudia Koerner (@ClaudiaKoerner) February 21, 2020
And these are the only 5 responses you need.
1.
Parasite is about a family of con artists who lie their way into a house and cause mayhem. Sound familiar, Donald? https://t.co/0hFnNf119c — Adam Best (@adamcbest) February 21, 2020
2.
He wants “Gone With the Wind” back, a movie known for its racism and depicts slaves as being happy they are enslaved. Sad thing is, not surprising. Racism recognizes racism. — Dānī⁷ ON! IS! COMING! (@ddaengifyuagree) February 21, 2020
3.
Surprising that a movie about income inequality didn't resonate with him https://t.co/OvwIyMB15K — Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) February 21, 2020
4.
Because he can’t read subtitles or he can’t read period? — Amy Burkhardt (@aim4thahardt) February 21, 2020
5.
Trump loves Gone With The Wind but he prefers to watch it backwards to see the slaves learn their place. — John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 21, 2020
To conclude …
Talks shit about Parasite 'cause it's Korean. "Let's get Gone With The Wind back please" a movie known for its racism… But no, he's not racist. https://t.co/9gavmpLm6R — pre (@shazyreplicant) February 21, 2020
And just in case you didn’t notice …
I’m sorry but this is SENDING me. The racist audience cheered for “what happened to Gone With the Wind” but then was quiet for “Sunset Blvd.” Too gay for us!!!!!! https://t.co/uVSF7eXN7h — Ira Madison III (@ira) February 21, 2020
READ MORE
People are laughing at the Trump fan who was fooled by this bogus Keanu
Source Twitter @ClaudiaKoerner


thepoke--2020-02-21--“They’re trying to rewrite history” – woman gets schooled over her racist take on Vanity Fair

We ’ ve all seen those people who get a bee in their bonnet about perceived historical accuracy , like @ @ @ @ @ had to be schooled on the diversity of Roman Britain .
A very vocal Brexit @ @ @ @ @ happy about the inclusion of a black character in a 2018 adaptation of Vanity Fair @ @ @ @ @ because he ’ s black in the book .
This is what triggered her .
@ @ @ @ @ comment .
We ’ ve established that she hasn ’ t read the book , @ @ @ @ @ she didn ’ t watch the TV show either , because the character of Sam @ @ @ @ @ , is a servant , not a landowner .
However , Twitter had some free @ @ @ @ @ Mark S. Maquisard pointed out something genuinely problematic from the acting world .
Presumably , @ @ @ @ @ some outraged tweets about that any minute now …any minute now … Alt-right mouthpiece gets @ @ @ @ @ in Roman Britain

Twitter
We’ve all seen those people who get a bee in their bonnet about perceived historical accuracy, like the time Paul Joseph Watson had to be schooled on the diversity of Roman Britain.
A very vocal Brexit Party supporter wasn’t happy about the inclusion of a black character in a 2018 adaptation of Vanity Fair, which is ironic, because he’s black in the book.
This is what triggered her.
I'm not racist at all. I've two mixed race kids. But, I'm utterly fed up with multi-cultural and other PC propaganda on BBC & other mainstream media & advertising. It is social engineering, there seems to be a neo-Marxist subplot. Why? Who controls it all? The intensity grows. — Mike Yardley (@YardleyShooting) February 16, 2020
And this was her ill-informed comment.
Vanity fair set in 1800 ish and depicting this member of British aristocracy. They are trying to rewrite history too. pic.twitter.com/v88dEhtik8 — Nadine Mason (@nadineamason1) February 16, 2020
We’ve established that she hasn’t read the book, but we can only assume she didn’t watch the TV show either, because the character of Sam, played by Richie Campbell, is a servant, not a landowner.
However, Twitter had some free education for Ms. Mason.
1.
Wait til you find out that Jesus didn't speak English, or sing a pop song in the garden of Gethsemane. https://t.co/McOOhImvuR — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 20, 2020
2.
Star Wars was set “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away” and yet we are supposed to believe that most characters are anatomically modern humans speaking English. They are trying to rewrite history too. pic.twitter.com/c7L6TFbYUZ — David QC (@DavidMuttering) February 20, 2020
3.
Ah yes, because as we all know, black people weren't invented until the late 1940's https://t.co/L5V6ZnM6RJ — Hex ⚧ (@Hexatrix) February 20, 2020
4.
Does she think Vanity Fair is meant to be a true story or something? Does she think all non-contemporary novels are somehow history and not fiction? pic.twitter.com/AG5xJR4tsH — Red Sky At Night (@redskyatnight) February 20, 2020
5.
The man who used his mixed kids to defend his racist tweet has opened the door to a wave of bigoted ignorance. The establishement does rewrite history but not in favour of non white ppl. Black ppl lived in Britain even before 1800s & yes some were very wealthy https://t.co/yjxG4TkP73 — Marsha Garratt (@mcg1981) February 20, 2020
6.
Well, no. The myth that the only black people in the UK were slaves or servants is, oddly enough, a myth. Crack open a history book or two or have a browse through https://t.co/yMavqZW02H — Deb W (@Deborahw37) February 19, 2020
Mark S. Maquisard pointed out something genuinely problematic from the acting world.
I remember Alec Guinness (English) playing an Arab prince (Lawrence of Arabia, 1962) and a Brahmin scholar (A Passage To India, 1984). Also Errol Flynn (Australian) playing a North Indian horse trader (Kim, 1950). Don't even get me started on Anthony Quinn. — Mark S Maquisard 🇪🇺🔶🇪🇺⚫ (@FanaticRealist) February 20, 2020
Presumably, Nadine Mason will be writing some outraged tweets about that any minute now …any minute now …
READ MORE
Alt-right mouthpiece gets a terrific lesson on diversity in Roman Britain
Source Twitter Image ITV


thepoke--2020-02-21--Only 5 responses you need to the ranty Question Time woman who wants our borders ‘completely closed’

It ’ s the morning after the Question Time the night before and – deep breath – there ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ’ s talking about .
Just in case you missed her bile , the BBC @ @ @ @ @ everyone to watch again and again .
And while it generated many , many responses @ @ @ @ @ very well .

Videos
It’s the morning after the Question Time the night before and – deep breath – there’s only one audience member everyone’s talking about.
And it’s this woman.
“We should completely close the borders … enough is enough” This audience member says the number of people ’flooding in’ to the UK is costing public services too much. #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/T5EshhWqQu — BBC Question Time (@bbcquestiontime) February 20, 2020
Just in case you missed her bile, the BBC helpfully tweeted it out for everyone to watch again and again.
And while it generated many, many responses, these 5 say it very well.
Lets call a spade a spade here. This is an unhinged, factually inaccurate, racist rant. That the BBC saw fit to broadcast it, then clip it for clicks on social, shows just how backwards Question Time now is. https://t.co/hKD00CNZ9G — Ross McCafferty (@RossMcCaff) February 21, 2020
It's like you can hear the sheets of the daily mail paper just being coughed up out of her mouth. "They arrive on a plane… you can have your babies"… Bloody foreigners with their [squints] basic reproductive rights. https://t.co/JE8rADkXHt — Femi (@Femi_Sorry) February 21, 2020
The Sun has taken its final form.pic.twitter.com/xaLf8wLrBp — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 20, 2020
Let's do it. Let's completely close the borders. Supermarkets would run out of food, petrol stations would run out of petrol. But at least this woman would be stopped from ever going on holiday again and might learn something. Or doesn't she think she'd be affected? https://t.co/FW4oCj9RPr — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 20, 2020
I have absolutely no idea where she gets her opinions from. https://t.co/mwplzm9vYq pic.twitter.com/dP0OwrxQX7 — James Melville (@JamesMelville) February 21, 2020
In summary, this.
I don’t want to live in the same world as this person. https://t.co/HqBv2S7miW — Reece Dinsdale (@reece_dinsdale) February 21, 2020
READ MORE
The look on the guy’s face next to the ranting Question Time woman was just perfect


thepoke--2020-02-21--The look on the guy’s face next to the ranting Question Time woman was just perfect

BBC1 ’ s Question Time has been less than required viewing for some time now , but last night ’ @ @ @ @ @ nasty stench behind it .
One clip in particular went viral , this woman who @ @ @ @ @ people coming over here flooding this country getting stuff for free not speaking our language @ @ @ @ @ know the sort .
And we only mention this because – at the risk of @ @ @ @ @ you – the look on the face of the man to her right says it @ @ @ @ @ at all .
‘ Eyeroll , bit of light eyebrow work , fuck it I @ @ @ @ @ , ’ said @ JimMFelton this country has had enough , we should completely close @ @ @ @ @ surely someone ’ s got people flowing into this country who can not speak English @ @ @ @ @ getting stuff for free

Videos
BBC1’s Question Time has been less than required viewing for some time now, but last night’s episode left a particularly nasty stench behind it.
One clip in particular went viral, this woman who’s basically sick of people coming over here flooding this country getting stuff for free not speaking our language and so on. You know the sort.
The Sun has taken its final form.pic.twitter.com/xaLf8wLrBp — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 20, 2020
And we only mention this because – at the risk of getting all Ronan Keating on you – the look on the face of the man to her right says it all, without saying anything at all.
Do enjoy the guy sitting next to her trying to let the TV know he’s not with her using only his eyes and legs — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 20, 2020
‘Eyeroll … ‘
‘ … bit of light eyebrow work …’
‘… fuck it I’m going full Fleabag.‘
READ MORE
Only 5 responses you need to the ranty Question Time woman who wants our borders ‘completely closed’
Source @JimMFelton @BBCQuestionTime


thepoke--2020-02-21--A grandson’s fun run plans weren’t as kind as they first seemed

Sir Michael is one of those people who ’ s carved out a special niche on Twitter , making him @ @ @ @ @ of his areas of expertise is the art of trolling bad group chats , and @ @ @ @ @ perfect example .
His efforts were very much appreciated by Twitter .
We ’ re @ @ @ @ @ taking good care of her .
This letter suggesting NASA ‘ bring back sending animals @ @ @ @ @ is out of this world

Twitter
Sir Michael is one of those people who’s carved out a special niche on Twitter, making him an essential follow. One of his areas of expertise is the art of trolling bad group chats, and we’ve got the perfect example.
Some people are SO unhelpful pic.twitter.com/HBs1Ag7Ho1 — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 19, 2020
Hook, line and sinker.
His efforts were very much appreciated by Twitter.
It just keeps getting better… and then the final suckerpunch. Nearly fell off my chair 🙂 https://t.co/aojBTJw0FJ — Craig (@KuangEleven) February 19, 2020
I don't know how I'm still alive after reading this because I died! 😭😭😭😭 https://t.co/Tcvrb75SbK — Mat'agu The Special Envoy (@Miss_Matagu) February 19, 2020
Marty Lawrence had a message for Michael’s nan.
This. This is the stuff. Hope your nan finds another fun run. — Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) February 20, 2020
We’re sure Sir Michael will be taking good care of her.
Thanks for your support at this difficult time, Marty. I've had to tell her the race has been cancelled and her entry fee won't be refunded (it was but I used it to pay my monthly coaching fees). So sad to see an elderly lady let down by a bunch of callous strangers like this 🙁 — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 20, 2020
Oh!
READ MORE
This letter suggesting NASA ‘bring back sending animals into space as punishment’ is out of this world
Source @Michael1979 Image @Michael1979, @jcotten on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-21--This “gotcha” for the troll who called a woman an economic illiterate was quite something

If there ’ s one thing that internet trolls seem to have in common – and there are actually a @ @ @ @ @ ’ s that they really don ’ t think before they fire out insults .
@ @ @ @ @ – a rarity – got their comeuppance when they responded to Britgirl Explains Brexit # @ @ @ @ @ , to her Twitter followers .
Here ’ s the tweet that got the troll @ @ @ @ @ the response .
Quite apart from the fact that she hadn ’ t mentioned racism @ @ @ @ @ problem with the accusation .
Here are a few reactions to the beautiful zinger .
@ @ @ @ @ to ‘ go back to the classroom ’ and it was a glorious self-own

Twitter
If there’s one thing that internet trolls seem to have in common – and there are actually a lot of things – it’s that they really don’t think before they fire out insults.
One mouthy Canadian Trump fan – a rarity – got their comeuppance when they responded to Britgirl Explains Brexit #FBPE – or @MarieAnnUK, to her Twitter followers.
Here’s the tweet that got the troll riled.
The urge to ask Brexit fans 'if they were dropped on their head as a baby or are they just naturally that stupid?' is strong today. — Britgirl Explains Brexit #FBPE (@MarieAnnUK) February 20, 2020
And this was the response.
Quite apart from the fact that she hadn’t mentioned racism, there was a huge problem with the accusation.
I'm a professor of economics you fuckwit! https://t.co/TPOwO6P5nx — Britgirl Explains Brexit #FBPE (@MarieAnnUK) February 20, 2020
That’s what you call a burn.
Here are a few reactions to the beautiful zinger.
That was just beautiful 🤷♂👏👏👏Burn you dim b#stard BURN 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
You just made my day 🤣😂🤣👍 pic.twitter.com/4PVOiXgISF — Cooky (@BrokenTwitty) February 20, 2020
it's the little things that make me happy. This is a fucking huge little thing that has made me very happy. 👍👍🤣 — the don 🏴 🇪🇺 🇪🇸 (@backwards_boy) February 20, 2020
Someone named @FeeshKeeng had a theory.
No, no. He means patriotic economics. — KeengFeesh #FBPE (@FeeshKeeng) February 20, 2020
READ MORE
A mansplainer told these women to ‘go back to the classroom’ and it was a glorious self-own
Source @MarieAnnUK Image @callmefred on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-21--The 8 hottest takes on Rory Stewart’s bathwater habits

Rory Stewart is once again in the news , and yet again it ’ s for a non-political reason .
@ @ @ @ @ the Jeremy Vine Show that he and his family share bathwater , both for environmental @ @ @ @ @ .
This is how the Mirror reported it .
It was too much of an @ @ @ @ @ resist , so we weren ’ t surprised to see reactions like these .
This @ @ @ @ @ a horrible kind of sense .
Rory Stewart has slept in the homes of more @ @ @ @ @ hilarious reactions

Twitter
Rory Stewart is once again in the news, and yet again it’s for a non-political reason. The London mayoral candidate told the Jeremy Vine Show that he and his family share bathwater, both for environmental reasons and to save money.
This is how the Mirror reported it.
London Mayoral candidate Rory Stewart shares bath water with the rest of his familyhttps://t.co/VXxsH2HhXq pic.twitter.com/4MHeox6IqS — Mirror Politics (@MirrorPolitics) February 20, 2020
It was too much of an open goal for Twitter to resist, so we weren’t surprised to see reactions like these.
1.
confirmed: takes baths with his da https://t.co/M6m2zKoi9P — mick (@mickthetaig) February 20, 2020
2.
IT'S 20-FUCKING-20 NOT 18-FUCKING-20.
MAIDS AREN'T BRINGING THE HOT WATER TO YOUR ROOM IN JUGS.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PAL? https://t.co/HhcomRdXQZ — Malcolm Tucker Esq (@Tucker5law) February 20, 2020
3.
I can't wait until we have the news article about #RoryStewart's snot collection that he's had since he was a boy of 7.https://t.co/mXeV09kpnT — John son & defender of Harry Leslie Smith's Legacy (@Harryslaststand) February 20, 2020
4.
5.
6.
7.
Rory: “What do common people do?” Auntie Regina Thwopleblat: “Well I heard that they share the bath water.” Rory: “Oh…well let’s say we do that then.” pic.twitter.com/6H3cZeI5Hm — ChefTom (@TheGroveGooner) February 20, 2020
8.
no one:
no one at all:
not a single soul:
london mayoral candidate rory stewart: https://t.co/j27MqUJu6Q — caitie (@femmebugs) February 20, 2020
This conclusion from @agirlcalledlina made a horrible kind of sense.
It all makes sense now, Rory Stewart wants to come and stay on your sofa and have a bath with you — •• (@agirlcalledlina) February 20, 2020
READ MORE
Rory Stewart has slept in the homes of more than 500 strangers – 9 hilarious reactions
Source Mirror Image YouTube, @andreuuuw on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-21--We can’t stop hate-watching this backflip in high  heels

Australian comedian , gymnast and stuntman , Jiemba Sands , can carry out extraordinary feats of physical control , like @ @ @ @ @ the fear just watching him .
His latest video , however , takes people beyond @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s not just the slick visual , but that horrific sound effect @ @ @ @ @ went viral on Twitter when it was shared by @ human_not_bees , picking up over @ @ @ @ @ of days .
And these reactions were pretty typical .
To soothe your troubled brain @ @ @ @ @ getting into bed .
The best skiing stunt you ’ ll see today , or @ @ @

Videos
Australian comedian, gymnast and stuntman, Jiemba Sands, can carry out extraordinary feats of physical control, like these:
It gives us the fear just watching him. His latest video, however, takes people beyond fear and into abject terror.
Watch him perform a standing backflip in heels.
It’s not just the slick visual, but that horrific sound effect as well.
via Gfycat
The clip went viral on Twitter when it was shared by @human_not_bees, picking up over 50,000 retweets in a couple of days.
Sick flip bruh pic.twitter.com/gADC0Qs213 — Human Beeing | 🐐 (@human_not_bees) February 19, 2020
And these reactions were pretty typical.
this made me feel something i’ve never felt before https://t.co/i5zXPbmesR — lewis buchan (@lewisbuchan) February 19, 2020
i fucking had a heart attack https://t.co/VXevZJm4iL — v (@dumbcandy7) February 19, 2020
I expected a lot of things. But not this. https://t.co/0yU4HOoqYd — Andy Leeman (@AndyLeeman91) February 19, 2020
To soothe your troubled brain, here’s Jiemba getting into bed.
You’re welcome.
READ MORE
The best skiing stunt you’ll see today, or your money back
Source Jiemba Sands Image Jiemba Sands


thepoke--2020-02-21--12 suggested Question Time topics that were far better than the real ones

There seems to be a bit of a love-hate relationship between the British public and BBC One ’ s flagship @ @ @ @ @ Time , inasmuch as the BBC loves people watching the programme even if it is @ @ @ @ @ they hate it .
Thursday ’ s episode tried a new approach with its social @ @ @ @ @ .
As the questions come from the audience , it was somewhat moot , but @ @ @ @ @ – particularly these .
Who wouldn ’ t watch an episode with questions like these @ @ @ @ @ member lost the room when he revealed his pay bracket

Twitter
There seems to be a bit of a love-hate relationship between the British public and BBC One’s flagship political talk show, Question Time, inasmuch as the BBC loves people watching the programme even if it is only to say how much they hate it.
Thursday’s episode tried a new approach with its social media campaign with this question.
What would you like Fiona and the panel to discuss tonight in Weymouth? 10.35pm on @BBCOne and join in the discussion using #bbcqt pic.twitter.com/5KyDGTk3Z2 — BBC Question Time (@bbcquestiontime) February 20, 2020
As the questions come from the audience, it was somewhat moot, but we really enjoyed the suggestions – particularly these.
1.
Could you ask whether anyone knows how many children I have please?
Thanks. #bbcqt https://t.co/gm6juXmSIb — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 20, 2020
2.
What's the largest mammal you'd feel reasonably confident of defeating in an unarmed, one-on-one fight? https://t.co/HrD1tDkvly — David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) February 20, 2020
3.
Does the panel think that the orangutan chauffeur from Cannonball Run 2 was a bit far-fetched? #bbcqt https://t.co/qy3emgHCu2 — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) February 20, 2020
4.
Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man? https://t.co/U7oHUwL6qF — Lucie Toblerone (@msloobylou) February 20, 2020
5.
What would be worse – having tastebuds in your arse or having to pee out of your nose? https://t.co/nrHCgVM6Nc — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) February 20, 2020
6.
The recent theory that the graviton actually has mass, thereby explaining dark energy and the accelerating expansion of the universe. https://t.co/M6mIPS4NNh — Davey Six-Toes (@HutchinsonDave) February 20, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-02-21--17 nice things that made us feel good this week

Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that made us smile .
21 nice things @ @ @ @ @ feeling inside this week

Twitter
Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week that made us smile.
1.
I heard a little more barking than normal from the puppy corral, so I went to check it out. It was Rocky, letting me know that his brother Ryman… might need a little help. pic.twitter.com/iu605vulW7 — Charles Esten (@CharlesEsten) February 14, 2020
2.
So my niece has been playing musical chairs at school today… (yes, that’s her at the front) 😅😅😅 pic.twitter.com/8LKrdQUnGb — Jeanette 📺🎙🏃🏾♀⚽🥊🥇🦊 (@JNETTEKWAKYE) February 13, 2020
3.
GIVE HIM BESITOS GIVE HIM BESITOS pic.twitter.com/yvrvGE3V6h — daddie juul (@mcgeehehe) February 12, 2020
4.
One time I met a small autistic child at the vet and told him I’m autistic too. Then he asked if he could pet the kitten I had with me, and I said yes. When he was done petting her, his mom told him to say thanks, and he thanked the kitten. https://t.co/YNHx3ldyzY — Rabbit Cohen (@BathysphereHat) February 14, 2020
5.
My mom and her cat Hobbes! He just likes sleepin like that pic.twitter.com/LJY2Tf7ZRQ — Olivia Chin Mueller (@ocmillustration) February 16, 2020
6.
Today I got to watch a baby dolphin learning to jump and it brought me so much joy – thought I’d share ❤ pic.twitter.com/8MK6h9XuhM — Dr Michelle Dickinson (@medickinson) February 16, 2020
7.
Made the bed, kept cleaning the apartment, realized I hadn’t seen the cat for a little bit and found him like this pic.twitter.com/ohB7CkmYcM — Dani Balenson (@dlbee_) February 16, 2020
8.
Cat, Dog and Rat Left at Shelter Find the Perfect Home Together
Meet Jack the #cat, Sasha the #dog, and Tweaks the rat! They are three very different animals that have a close connection just like siblings.
CLICK to view > https://t.co/s4LuonA5iC pic.twitter.com/FjSEgKGvo1 — Cats and Kittens (@catsnkittys) February 17, 2020
9.
10.
This is a photo of service dogs watching Billy Elliot The Musical as part of their training. Have a lovely Sunday. pic.twitter.com/M4XAhHqpNx — JBR (@JBRAgent) February 16, 2020
11.
Carrot sticks for all the good boys . pic.twitter.com/mumunbnbxB — pets with purring vibes (@purringpets) February 17, 2020
12.
Because we all need more baby goats in our lives! 🐐 pic.twitter.com/M8dIbA0CTg — Nature & Animals 🌴 (@AnimalsWorId) February 16, 2020
13.
My dad is in New Orleans for the first time and called me with a childlike sense of wonder I have never heard in his voice before. He said “this is a happy place”, “all of the food is good”, and “I saw a dog parade and there was a chihuahua in a wig, she was the princess” — ben mekler (@benmekler) February 17, 2020
14.
Oh, to be a raccoon eating snacks out of a bottlepic.twitter.com/th3KAsDtCG — Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) February 18, 2020
15.
Ferret meets dog, falls in love ❤ pic.twitter.com/ltYyAuXRtr — The Dodo (@dodo) February 20, 2020
16.
17.
READ MORE:
21 nice things that gave us a warm feeling inside this week


thepoke--2020-02-22--If Mr Men and Little Miss characters were utter ar*eholes

If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were utter assholes .
If Mr Men and Little Miss characters were Facebook @ @ @ @ @ were school mums

Exclusive
If Mr. Men and Little Miss characters were utter ar*eholes.
READ MORE:
If Mr Men and Little Miss characters were Facebook users
If Little Miss characters were school mums


thepoke--2020-02-24--A very honest food pyramid for toddlers

A very honest food pyramid for toddlers

We all know what we ’ re supposed to eat , and parents know what they ’ re supposed to @ @ @ @ @ but the ideal doesn ’ t always match up with the reality .
Redditor u/carlinha1289 @ @ @ @ @ more realistic food pyramid for toddlers , who can famously be resistant to leafy green @ @ @ @ @ looks like the littl ’ un is getting their five-a-day – five cheese strings , @ @ @ @ @ that being actual food counts as a win , in toddler nutrition .
Maybe they @ @ @ @ @ Guide .
A toddler eating an onion might be the best metaphor for Brexit you @ @ @ @

Pics
We all know what we’re supposed to eat, and parents know what they’re supposed to be feeding their children, but the ideal doesn’t always match up with the reality.
Redditor u/carlinha1289 has bravely shared a much more realistic food pyramid for toddlers, who can famously be resistant to leafy green foods and fruit.
It looks like the littl’un is getting their five-a-day – five cheese strings, that is.
It seems that being actual food counts as a win, in toddler nutrition.
Maybe they could eat the Good Food Guide.
READ MORE
A toddler eating an onion might be the best metaphor for Brexit you’ll see today
Source r/funny Image r/funny, @rfieldss on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-24--You’ll never eat spaghetti the normal way again after seeing this guy and his scissors

Sometimes , you see something and you just can ’ t understand how nobody had thought of it before , @ @ @ @ @ eating spaghetti .
Alright , it might annoy pasta purists , but it certainly avoids @ @ @ @ @ We really enjoyed these reactions to the new tool .
Someone named @ juli_dmitrieva shared @ @ @ @ @ the spaghetti scissors method not new , it ’ s actually very old .
In @ @ @ @ @ journalist , Josh Barrie – one of those purists we mentioned – remained unimpressed .
@ @ @ @ @ not , Josh .
Get over it .
This mum ’ s daughter found a @ @ @ @ @ on toast and your mind will be blown

Videos
Sometimes, you see something and you just can’t understand how nobody had thought of it before, like this innovative way of eating spaghetti.
Alright, it might annoy pasta purists, but it certainly avoids a lot of mess.
We really enjoyed these reactions to the new tool.
12,000 years of civilisation and humanity has only just invented the spaghetti bolognese scissorspic.twitter.com/QNQsswQ944 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 21, 2020
This lad is right up there with Tesla, Newton and Plato. https://t.co/9kE31h57Nj — Paul Williams (@thepaulwilliams) February 21, 2020
We all living in 2020 and he out there chopping spaghetti like it’s the year 3000. https://t.co/me4KINPj3v — Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) February 21, 2020
I don't care that I'm not hungry and that it's 10 past 11 at night, I'm making spagetti immediately to try this. This man is a genius 😳 https://t.co/IVaPSgNT3u — Peter Mac EFC (@PeterJMacca) February 22, 2020
Someone named @juli_dmitrieva shared proof that not only is the spaghetti scissors method not new, it’s actually very old.
In spite of that, food journalist, Josh Barrie – one of those purists we mentioned – remained unimpressed.
this should be illegal pic.twitter.com/9NeyFG7wox — Josh Barrie (@joshbythesea) February 22, 2020
Well, it’s not, Josh. Get over it.
READ MORE
This mum’s daughter found a new way of eating honey on toast and your mind will be blown
Source @CucumberTonic Image @CucumberTonic


thepoke--2020-02-24--This hilariously fake sand art is even better than the real thing

If you ’ ve been on social media over the last few days , you ’ ll almost certainly have @ @ @ @ @ of sand art , and we don ’ t mean one of those mysterious dogs @ @ @ @ @ city centres .
Check out the skills on this guy .
Just look at the @ @ @ @ @ 11 million views !
Among those who saw the video was the very funny tweeter @ @ @ @ @ the rabbit .
True to his word , he produced this absolutely marvellous parody .
@ @ @ @ @ hardly see the switch .
If you ’ re interested in purchasing a genuine Rab @ @ @ @ @ re in luck .
“ Learn how to read a book again simply by sticking @ @ @ @ @ paragraph ”

Videos
If you’ve been on social media over the last few days, you’ll almost certainly have seen a very impressive piece of sand art, and we don’t mean one of those mysterious dogs that appear fully formed in city centres.
Check out the skills on this guy.
This might be the most talented man in the world that shit blew my mind pic.twitter.com/r4s10FKkuR — Nacho 🇯🇲 (@Jalalapeno) February 14, 2020
Just look at the numbers on that – almost 11 million views!
Among those who saw the video was the very funny tweeter, Rab Livingstone – Rab the rabbit.
Ohhhhh. I’ve got a bag of sand in the garage.
That’s my Sunday sorted. https://t.co/cx3rZepZIB — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) February 23, 2020
True to his word, he produced this absolutely marvellous parody.
So slick, we could hardly see the switch.
Commissions now being taken.https://t.co/KhRlzdTOme — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) February 23, 2020
If you’re interested in purchasing a genuine Rab Livingstone masterpiece, you’re in luck.
Commissions now being taken.https://t.co/KhRlzdTOme — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) February 23, 2020
READ MORE
“Learn how to read a book again simply by sticking a twitter Avi alongside every paragraph”
Source Rab Livingstone Image Rab Livingstone


thepoke--2020-02-24--17 weird, wonderful and downright NSFW things confiscated by teachers

Over on the r/AskReddit forum , u/poprockreaper posed a question for teachers .
There were a lot of responses , @ @ @ @ @ in 11-year-olds , but we thought these 17 were particularly interesting , if sometimes NSFW @ @ @ @ @ they weren ’ t used 4 .
One for the nature table 5 .
We @ @ @ @ @ it first 6 .
What happened to writing “ You smell ” and “ Big @ @ @ @ @ Light the fuse and stand well back 8 .
An omelette a day keeps the @ @ @ @ @ one for the school counsellor

Weird World
Over on the r/AskReddit forum, u/poprockreaper posed a question for teachers.
” Teachers of Reddit. What’s the coolest thing you’ve confiscated from a child?”
There were a lot of responses, many suggesting a drink problem in 11-year-olds, but we thought these 17 were particularly interesting, if sometimes NSFW.
1. Teacher’s pet?
2. Great hygiene, bro
3. At least they weren’t used
4. One for the nature table
5. We hope they’d washed it first
6. What happened to writing “You smell” and “Big nose”?
7. Light the fuse and stand well back
8. An omelette a day keeps the doctor away
9. Definitely one for the school counsellor


thepoke--2020-02-24--Heathrow’s carbon footprint announcement was just plane crazy – our 7 favourite comments

As businesses and individuals are urged to address the size of their carbon footprints , one of the biggest offenders @ @ @ @ @ has been struggling to fall into line .
Heathrow Airport trumpeted its achievement in that @ @ @ @ @ some issues .
Understandably , people were sceptical about whether this type of “ carbon @ @ @ @ @ described that way .
The ridiculous claim caught the eye of someone with particular insight @

News
As businesses and individuals are urged to address the size of their carbon footprints, one of the biggest offenders – the aviation industry – has been struggling to fall into line.
Heathrow Airport trumpeted its achievement in that area, but there were some issues.
Heathrow has become carbon neutral in emissions, but only from the parts of the airport it runs and not including flights https://t.co/XIgfwuw5vv — Sky News (@SkyNews) February 21, 2020
Understandably, people were sceptical about whether this type of “carbon neutrality” could actually be described that way.
1.
I am teetotaller, but only on weekdays and not including wine. https://t.co/uNHZ6jFHX8 — Peter Pharos (@PeterPharos) February 22, 2020
2.
I'm on a diet if you don't include meals https://t.co/SEAKB3huNz — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 21, 2020
3.
I'm vegan apart from the cheese and the eggs and the milk. And the meat https://t.co/XecTDgxPmG — Soph (@SophieWarnes) February 21, 2020
4.
I have fasted all month, not including breakfast, lunch, and dinner. https://t.co/64oBHT45qA — Lincoln Michel (@TheLincoln) February 22, 2020
5.
All trains from #ManchesterPiccadilly depart on time, apart from the ones that are delayed and cancelled. https://t.co/S7NVndjYp4 — Platforms 15/16 (@PiccPlatforms) February 22, 2020
6.
im innocent if you ignore all the crime i have been up to https://t.co/hkJWZWYISq — this wizard demands war (@stepheniscowboy) February 22, 2020
7.
I have become socially adept, but only during sleep and not including interactions. https://t.co/z18VHmaxdZ — Nat (@unfortunatalie) February 22, 2020
The ridiculous claim caught the eye of someone with particular insight.
If anyone still wonders about the meaning of "carbon neutrality" this is pretty much it… https://t.co/bub7dYz3yC — Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) February 21, 2020
How dare they!
READ MORE
Source Sky News Image @bel2000a and @amarnathtade on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-24--A NatWest hole-in-the-wall in Ilkeston is a top-rated TripAdvisor destination

A cash dispenser at a branch of NatWest in Ilkeston has become an unlikely hit on the review site , @ @ @ @ @ of the “ attraction ” is – The bank ’ s “ hole-in-the-wall ” is @ @ @ @ @ in a wall , probably making it unique among cash dispensers .
The NatWest Hole @ @ @ @ @ named on TripAdvisor , has a 90 per cent “ excellent ” rating , which @ @ @ @ @ of London , Alton Towers , and even Disneyland , California .
These are a @ @ @ @ @ that have made Ilkeston NatWest ’ s hole-in-the-wall one of the UK ’ s top @ @ @ @ @ least .
Not everybody could heap praise upon the hole , however , as serious @ @ @ @ @ their ugly head .
That would never happen at Disneyland .
‘ Bude Tunnel in @ @ @ @ @ TripAdvisor review ever

Weird World
A cash dispenser at a branch of NatWest in Ilkeston has become an unlikely hit on the review site, TripAdvisor. The description given of the “attraction” is –
A one of a kind architectural masterpiece that draws visitors from near and far. Children love the novelty of this sight [sic]. A genuine landmark and Ilkeston institution.
The bank’s “hole-in-the-wall” is adjacent to an actual hole in a wall, probably making it unique among cash dispensers.
Image via Johnhp702
The NatWest Hole, as it’s named on TripAdvisor, has a 90 per cent “excellent” rating, which is better than the Tower of London, Alton Towers, and even Disneyland, California.
These are a few of the glowing reviews that have made Ilkeston NatWest’s hole-in-the-wall one of the UK’s top attractions – statistically, at least.
Not everybody could heap praise upon the hole, however, as serious health and safety concerns reared their ugly head.
That would never happen at Disneyland.
READ MORE
‘Bude Tunnel in Cornwall’ is the best TripAdvisor review ever
Source TripAdvisor H/T BBC Image TripAdvisor, Johnhp702


thepoke--2020-02-24--The only 7 reactions you need to the size of Boris Johnson’s briefs

A number of people who have worked with or under Boris Johnson in his various jobs have shared stories of @ @ @ @ @ to do the required reading .
He clearly hadn ’ t studied the brief on @ @ @ @ @ her defence by claiming she had gone to Iran to teach journalism , when she @ @ @ @ @ family .
According to an article in the Sunday Times , he hasn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ Prime Minister , leading aides to take drastic steps .
There were serious echoes of @ @ @ @ @ House , where Trump ’ s aides have been reported as taking similar steps to @ @ @ @ @ President .
These reactions said it all .
1 .
Labour MP , Ian Murray @ @ @ @ @ a way to make things really Johnson-friendly .

News
A number of people who have worked with or under Boris Johnson in his various jobs have shared stories of his reputation for not bothering to do the required reading.
He clearly hadn’t studied the brief on Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe when he damaged her defence by claiming she had gone to Iran to teach journalism, when she was actually there to visit family.
According to an article in the Sunday Times, he hasn’t upped his game since becoming Prime Minister, leading aides to take drastic steps.
Boris Johnson’s aides have been ordered to send him shorter memos, limiting papers to just two sides of A4. Civil servants have also been told to cut the number of documents put into the prime minister’s red box to “make sure that he reads them” https://t.co/TULRKIEzm2 — The Sunday Times (@thesundaytimes) February 23, 2020
There were serious echoes of the situation in the White House, where Trump’s aides have been reported as taking similar steps to dumb down briefings for the President.
These reactions said it all.
1.
▪Won’t read briefs over 2 pages ▪Spent a week hiding at Chevening like it’s some stately home-sized fridge instead of visiting flood-hit areas ▪Hired a racist Congrats, everyone. We have our very own Donald Trump. https://t.co/1Q0JVREjlf — David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 23, 2020
2.
Briefings for dummies 👇 https://t.co/LAAP7KNcAD — Liz Webster 🔶🏴🇬🇧🇪🇺 FBPE (@abcpoppins) February 23, 2020
3.
How long before he hits the Fanta-spray tan? https://t.co/XGlGrvjUV1 — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) February 23, 2020
4.
Johnson is lazy and didn't bother reading briefs when Foreign Secretary so unlikely to start now. https://t.co/EJG5rlWBKx — Otto English (@Otto_English) February 23, 2020
5.
6.
Boris Johnson does know it’s an actual job in which you have to do actual work and make an actual difference doesn’t he.. https://t.co/OGUkNrB7y1 — Deborah Meaden (@DeborahMeaden) February 23, 2020
7.
I wasn't aware that there had been any flooding. The briefing paper on it was over two pages long, contained words with more than one syllable and had no pictures, so I didn't read it.
I have requested pop-up versions only in future. #ridge #marr pic.twitter.com/PzyPUzSNe6 — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) February 23, 2020
Labour MP, Ian Murray, had a suggestion for a way to make things really Johnson-friendly.
Maybe they should use pictures instead. https://t.co/jASjmqlE47 — Ian Murray MP (@IanMurrayMP) February 23, 2020
READ MORE
“The top 50 achievements of Boris Johnson” is a depressing read
Source Sunday Times Image Hibrow


thepoke--2020-02-24--This video of an otter chewing a phone set to Careless Whisper will make your day better

No matter what kind of day you ’ re having , this will surely make it just a little bit @ @ @ @ @ , quite a lot better .
And just in case you were wondering , here @ @ @ @ @ .
This hilarious Australian estate agency listing is like a terrible 80s music video

Videos
No matter what kind of day you’re having, this will surely make it just a little bit better. And very possibly, quite a lot better.
For the love of god UNMUTE THIS pic.twitter.com/MA48mit8MX — Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) February 23, 2020
Can’t stop watching.
Anyone know the name of this song — Ayo Keno 🥱‼ (@krstacks04) February 24, 2020
Careless whiskers — Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) February 24, 2020
Where did the otter learn to play the saxaPHONE like that? — JC (@LotharKing) February 24, 2020
And just in case you were wondering, here’s the original audio.
And the original audio.
READ MORE
This hilarious Australian estate agency listing is like a terrible 80s music video
Source Twitter @Rachael_Conrad


thepoke--2020-02-24--People loved Yorkshire Tea’s response after the chancellor was pictured with it making a cuppa

Spare a thought for the good people of Yorkshire Tea , who found themselves at the centre of a Twitter @ @ @ @ @ Rishi Sunak tweeted a picture of himself with a giant bag of the stuff making @ @ @ @ @ a giant pile-on , as you might imagine , from a whole bunch of people @ @ @ @ @ going to buy Yorkshire Tea .
Now the dust has settled the Yorkshire Tea types @ @ @ @ @ it today and people loved it because it was so … reasonable , a particularly @ @ @ @ @ days .
Just in case it ’ s tricky to read what people were saying @ @ @ @ @ a taste .
Lovely stuff .
And just a few of the things people were @ @ @ @ @ story of a man angry about teabags is Brexit in 4 parts

Twitter
Spare a thought for the good people of Yorkshire Tea, who found themselves at the centre of a Twitter storm after the new chancellor Rishi Sunak tweeted a picture of himself with a giant bag of the stuff making a brew.
Quick Budget prep break making tea for the team. Nothing like a good Yorkshire brew. pic.twitter.com/zhoQM9Ksho — Rishi Sunak (@RishiSunak) February 21, 2020
It prompted a giant pile-on, as you might imagine, from a whole bunch of people declaring they were no longer going to buy Yorkshire Tea.
Now the dust has settled the Yorkshire Tea types had their own say on it today and people loved it because it was so … reasonable, a particularly rare commodity on Twitter these days.
So it’s been a rough weekend. On Friday, the Chancellor shared a photo of our tea. Politicians do that sometimes (Jeremy Corbyn did it in 2017). We weren’t asked or involved – and we said so the same day. Lots of people got angry with us all the same. pic.twitter.com/7uVmKDf7Jd — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
Just in case it’s tricky to read what people were saying, here’s just a taste.
Anyway, back to @YorkshireTea.
We’ve spent the last three days answering furious accusations and boycott calls. For some, our tea just being drunk by someone they don’t like means it’s forever tainted, and they’ve made sure we know it. — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
It’s been pretty shocking to see the determination some have had to drag us into a political mudfight. But it’s been lovely to see others speak up for us – we’re so grateful to everyone who’s done that in a civil way (and gutted to see some use it as a reason for more nastiness). — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
Speaking directly now, as the person who’s been answering these tweets, I know it could have been much worse. It’s easier to be on the receiving end of this as a brand than as an individual. There’s more emotional distance and I’ve had a team to support me when it got a bit much. — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
But for anyone about to vent their rage online, even to a company – please remember there’s a human on the other end of it, and try to be kind. — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
Lovely stuff. And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
Will the Free Speech Union defend the people who have been kicking the verbal shit out of a tea company's social account for three days, or side with the person trying to defend the apolitical nature of a teabag. https://t.co/qxXVwkHELB — Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) February 24, 2020
They need to ban that guy with the black teapot avatar — Rick Burin (@rickburin) February 24, 2020
He's a right meanie! — Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) February 24, 2020
Well handled, team 👏🏻 — Alice Millican✌ (@alicemmillican) February 24, 2020
This thread, in which Yorkshire Tea politely ask people not to abuse them for a photo they had nothing to do with, made me gesture with vague despair into the void. https://t.co/5ypcjYD3Hg — Mark Watson (40, but that isn't a big deal) (@watsoncomedian) February 24, 2020
Fancy a cuppa?
READ MORE
This story of a man angry about teabags is Brexit in 4 parts
Source Twitter @YorkshireTea


thepoke--2020-02-24--This Doncaster police e-fit reminded people of something (and it wasn’t the suspect) – 9 funniest re

This Doncaster police e-fit reminded people of something (and it wasn’t the suspect) – 9 funniest replies

It ’ s an unfortunate fact that while police e-fits can often prove invaluable in tracking down a suspect , @ @ @ @ @ very funny indeed .
And here is a classic of the genre because , well @ @ @ @ @ .
They surely didn ’ t send that out without having some sort of inkling @ @ @ @ @ .
Because this is what happened next .
Everyone thinks these terrible Gloucestershire police efits @ @ @ @ @ characters

Pics
It’s an unfortunate fact that while police e-fits can often prove invaluable in tracking down a suspect, they can also be unintentionally very funny indeed.
And here is a classic of the genre because, well, just look at it.
Do you recognise this man? Police in Doncaster issue e-fit image of man they want to speak to about attempted robbery in town centre: https://t.co/NTdOsgFJvR pic.twitter.com/0nTCxuxlek — BBC Yorkshire (@BBCLookNorth) February 21, 2020
They surely didn’t send that out without having some sort of inkling what response they would get. Because this is what happened next.
1.
Seen that guy wandering around the Arena I swear pic.twitter.com/2qaXjMJOix — (@_Jon_Brown_) February 22, 2020
2.
Officers, this man told me he'd give me an enchanted ring if I found him 20 skooma https://t.co/jDF5MrEvev — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 22, 2020
3.
Footage from the robbery pic.twitter.com/O4AAJpZHGt — Internet Historian (@NetHistorian) February 24, 2020
4.
Have y'all checked Cyrodill? https://t.co/gZKsbTOs95 — Keyblade Master Terence (@TheBlackNerd) February 23, 2020
5.
I found his brother pic.twitter.com/pKWCPAbcC0 — moa and 100 others (@moaisadeadbird) February 23, 2020
6.
"Hows the suspect sketch coming?" "Almost done, just gotta pick my star sign" pic.twitter.com/2UQ0YcLYfE — America Guy (@that_guy5531) February 23, 2020
7.
8.
9.
READ MORE
Everyone thinks these terrible Gloucestershire police efits look more like Guess Who characters
Source Twitter @BBCLookNorth Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-02-24--Favourite 5 things people said about our ‘technologically advanced’ new blue passports

Now Boris Johnson ’ s got Brexit done , it ’ s time to enjoy our new blue passports .
@ @ @ @ @ only will they be blue , they will also be really , really technologically advanced @ @ @ @ @ the Home Office tweeted about them , and home secretary Priti Patel held one up @ @ @ @ @ as good as these 5 responses though .
The Express accidentally used a photo of @ @ @ @ @ the latest Brexit triumph

Twitter
Now Boris Johnson’s got Brexit done, it’s time to enjoy our new blue passports. And it turns out not only will they be blue, they will also be really, really technologically advanced.
Woohoo!
We know this because the Home Office tweeted about them, and home secretary Priti Patel held one up for our delight.
Our new blue passports will be the most technologically advanced and environmentally friendly British passports ever. Read more about them here: https://t.co/703pW0on8M pic.twitter.com/WG7BrKgwEi — Home Office (@ukhomeoffice) February 22, 2020
Don’t they look good!
Not as good as these 5 responses though.
1.
https://twitter.com/BurpleMan/status/1231163734233620480?s=20
2.
“Will they give me the right to live, work and retire freely in 30 different countries?” “No, but they’re technologically advanced” “And I’ll now have to queue for ages at hundreds of airports” “Yes, but they’re technologically advanced”https://t.co/lHMehJbtaQ — David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 22, 2020
3.
Is it environmentally friendly because we won’t be allowed to fly abroad with it? https://t.co/TpQzBiFSkT — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) February 22, 2020
4.
Personally I want a welsh passport with a dragon on 🏴🏴🏴 https://t.co/6oBEq36xe4 — Chloe 🦢🩷🏴 (@ChloeChantelle1) February 23, 2020
5.
A passport is only worth the rights it confers. It means nothing inside ones own country. This passport is weaker than the one it replaces, symbolising the removal of our rights to move and operate freely across our own continent. It therefore represents abject political failure. https://t.co/eLUC6PXcEh — Brian Cox (@ProfBrianCox) February 22, 2020
READ MORE
The Express accidentally used a photo of a joke passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph


thepoke--2020-02-24--Lots of people made jokes after this chap was back on the news but Dara O’Briain’s was the best

No matter what other stuff Prof Robert Kelly does in his life – and he ’ s already done plenty @ @ @ @ @ be the guy whose BBC News interview was interrupted by his children .
He was @ @ @ @ @ week , this time on Sky News , talking about the coronavirus outbreak .
And @ @ @ @ @ jokes and comments … … but the best – the very best – was by @ @ @ @ @ And just in case you need a reminder – or you want to enjoy it @ @

Twitter
No matter what other stuff Prof Robert Kelly does in his life – and he’s already done plenty – he’ll always be the guy whose BBC News interview was interrupted by his children.
He was back on the box this week, this time on Sky News, talking about the coronavirus outbreak.
“A lot of people are going to change their behaviour.” Professor Robert Kelly tells Sky News he thinks South Korea will keep the #coronavirus outbreak under control, after the country reported more than 160 new cases. Get the latest on #COVID19 here: https://t.co/FRmQ9Gx6qk pic.twitter.com/6FzTJxov7b — Sky News (@SkyNews) February 23, 2020
And naturally it prompted lots of jokes and comments …
WHERE IS THE BABY — end of daves ❄ 🥕 (@davemacladd) February 23, 2020
Hands up who is watching that door?🙋♂ — John King (@jdmanjohn) February 23, 2020
He has a padlock on the door now https://t.co/JWNCr26PqI — Stephen (@Stephenlough95) February 23, 2020
No one is interested in the interview, people just want to see the kids 😁 — Levente2805 (@levente2805) February 23, 2020
the most hated locked door in all human history https://t.co/VUEtcpNpgK — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) February 23, 2020
Never been more disappointed by a news report, and for reasons entirely separate from the story itself. https://t.co/vypwKSk5P0 — fake nerd (@iheartpylons) February 24, 2020
Oo, he’s redecorated — Benjamin Butterworth (@benjaminbutter) February 23, 2020
His kid on the other side of the door pic.twitter.com/kg4bXbKy1T — Tremaine (@tremthinks) February 23, 2020
… but the best – the very best – was by Dara O’Briain.
To be honest, he’s the last person to talk about controlling population movement. https://t.co/V1nQLRNBxe — Dara Ó Briain (@daraobriain) February 24, 2020
Boom!
And just in case you need a reminder – or you want to enjoy it again …
READ MORE
That BBC News interview interrupted: the sequel!
Source Twitter @daraobriain


thepoke--2020-02-24--Donald Trump trying to pronounce Indian names is even worse than you think it’s going to be

Donald Trump ’ s making his first official visit to India where he ’ s visited the Taj Mahal before @ @ @ @ @ minister , Narendra Modi .
He ’ s also been public speaking , which is @ @ @ @ @ for the so-called president at the best of times .
But in India , well @ @ @ @ @ so , it turns out .
And just a few of the things people were @ @ @ @ @ there ’ s more here .
Lots more .

Videos
Donald Trump’s making his first official visit to India where he’s visited the Taj Mahal before holding diplomatic talks with prime minister, Narendra Modi.
He’s also been public speaking, which is a bit of a challenge for the so-called president at the best of times. But in India, well, it’s especially so, it turns out.
Some extremely high-risk reading by Trump during his speech in India pic.twitter.com/3xxyVZUsAm — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 24, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
I wonder how he'd pronounce my surname? https://t.co/zQBrUtJcnt — Nihal Arthanayake (@TherealNihal) February 24, 2020
Something about Donald Trump's pronunciation of Sachin Tendulkar tells me he isn't a huge cricket fan pic.twitter.com/stFhq46MLx — Andy Silke (@andysilke) February 24, 2020
Superb from Prasodent Tramp https://t.co/TsGy9vZ7xz — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) February 24, 2020
"Covfefe Kamumnund! God blesh the Unided Shtaitsh!" https://t.co/F8mFOGCym4 — Irritated llama (@Irritatedllama) February 24, 2020
And there’s more here. Lots more.
READ MORE
18 expert pisstakes of Donald Trump’s laughable fake tan
Source Twitter @atrupar


thepoke--2020-02-24--‘Top 10 photos taken moments before disaster’

A salutary lesson here why we should always be extra careful when texting a parent .
Especially if you ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ Top 10 photos taken moments before disaster , ’ says joshy_squash over on @ @ @ @ @ ’ t be going home after that.
’ Exhaan ‘ Just send her some messages @ @ @ @ @ then tell her your phone has been hacked , this should do the trick.
’ @ @ @ @ @ unable to grasp the concept of a wrong number

Popular
A salutary lesson here why we should always be extra careful when texting a parent. Especially if you’ve got a dodgy signal.
‘Top 10 photos taken moments before disaster,’ says joshy_squash over on Reddit.
Oof!
‘I wouldn’t be going home after that.’ Exhaan ‘Just send her some messages in russian or chinese and then tell her your phone has been hacked, this should do the trick.’ NipNapNoe
READ MORE
This texter was entirely unable to grasp the concept of a wrong number
Source Reddit u/joshy_squash


thepoke--2020-02-28--Only 7 responses you need to people trolling Greta Thunberg’s Bristol speech

Greta Thunberg ’ s been in the UK today talking to thousands of school children in Bristol .
The teenager @ @ @ @ @ chants of ‘ Greta , Greta ’ , told the Bristol Youth Service Strike 4 @ @ @ @ @ being betrayed by those in power .
‘ We are the change , and change @ @ @ @ @ it or not.
’ Not everyone was happy to see her here .
Indeed , @ @ @ @ @ and these are the only 7 response you need .
4 people upset by Greta @ @ @ @ @ 100 % doing the right thing

Twitter
Greta Thunberg’s been in the UK today talking to thousands of school children in Bristol.
The teenager, who was welcomed by chants of ‘Greta, Greta’, told the Bristol Youth Service Strike 4 Climate event that they were being betrayed by those in power. ‘We are the change, and change is coming whether you like it or not.’
Not everyone was happy to see her here and some people were furious. People like ‘political commentator and Leavers Britain spokesperson’ Suzanne Evans, for instance.
And these are the only 7 response you need.
1.
#GretaThunberg To all the "adults" trolling Greta Thunberg please just at take a look at yourselves. You are trolling a child. On a separate note, is there a correlation between climate deniers and Brexiteers? — Katy (@Katy60891492) February 28, 2020
2.
#GretaThunberg is currently trending, not because she's a leading voice in raising the alarm about impending climate catastrophe, but because a bunch of boomers are complaining about being made to feel like they've trashed the planet for all humanity. Which they have. — Sam W Ⓥ (@saminalrights) February 28, 2020
3.
Ah, so nice to see Greta trendi…oh wait, it's a bunch of boomers saying climate change is fake, or people bullying the poor lass for having a voice. The best one is people saying "SHE'S SprEAdInG CoRonAViRUs!!" Wind your flipping necks in you utter cretins. #GretaThunberg — Sgt Snowflake. (@shift_plusone) February 28, 2020
4.
I have absolutely no idea why a middle aged conservative man is so threatened by a young, progressive, opinionated female who is raising awareness on the biggest issue facing our planet and calling out the perceived wisdoms and core beliefs of many middle aged conservative men. https://t.co/ltQgraLEgi — James Melville (@JamesMelville) February 28, 2020
5.
Implicit in criticism of #GretaThunberg " that she should be in school" is the idea that children haven't earned the right to speak in the adult world. In reality you earn the right to speak by saying something important and meaningful, which most of her critics have never done. — Joe Thrush (@josephjaylufc) February 28, 2020
6.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1233334065257992196?s=20
7.
https://twitter.com/DD1958/status/1233381006415187969?s=20
READ MORE
4 people upset by Greta Thunberg that suggests she is 100% doing the right thing


thepoke--2020-02-28--Just 19 nice things that made us smile this week

Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week .
17 nice things that made us feel @ @ @

Twitter
Our weekly round up of some nice things we saw this week.
1.
Best. Video. Ever! Just found this of when we bought our goose George a girlfriend called Florence & it was love at first sight 😍😄 pic.twitter.com/INtwKPhT72 — Dolitics (@dollytheis) February 20, 2020
2.
Diver convince octopus to trade his plastic cup for a seashell pic.twitter.com/G22glkEJfj — Whoa Interesting (@WhoaInteresting) February 20, 2020
3.
Please look at these pictures for me. pic.twitter.com/r90bIkexbq — Dr.Sucia (@dr_sucia) February 21, 2020
4.
5.
I beg of you, kind humans, throw me my ball, for I am helpless and unable to reach it… pic.twitter.com/TvsDgvd3gg — Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) February 22, 2020
6.
oh to be an alpaca in new zealand pic.twitter.com/prNCbPHXar — ᶜᵒⁿˢᵗᵃⁿᵗⁱⁿᵉ (@greenIight) February 22, 2020
7.
My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute ‘towel animals’ left on the bed during the week but just came back to this pic.twitter.com/Ok8qUO7eGa — D.A.D.D.Y (@team_daddy) February 23, 2020
8.
My mans out here killing it 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/OBGHn6iaQi — ClaseElClásico 🇩🇴 (@_greattscott) February 22, 2020
9.
Young Owl has a stick pic.twitter.com/S1gb0v1mxL — Domenico Calia (@CaliaDomenico) February 23, 2020
10.
11.
For the love of god UNMUTE THIS pic.twitter.com/MA48mit8MX — Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) February 23, 2020
12.
When a snack has more pull than gravity pic.twitter.com/Egh08OkLog — Life on Earth (@planetpng) February 24, 2020
13.
oh to be a kitten sleeping in a plant pot while i get a little flower on my tiny kitten ear pic.twitter.com/KnHojAVoLo — Juulio (@juliopineda327) February 24, 2020
14.
this dog literally failed every single test thrown at him to become a service dog and i am scream laughing. but imho he’s still a very very good boy. pic.twitter.com/fGdiUbmw5o — kim. (@KimmyMonte) February 25, 2020
15.
i bought fabric on eBay and turns out the person that sold it to me is the nicest person in the world pic.twitter.com/JhmARQdIEj — ☆drive45☆ (@drive45music) February 25, 2020
16.
I don’t know how I thought suitcases were made but this wasn’t it pic.twitter.com/LmBxmvsOv3 — Lance 🇱🇨 (@Kinglrg_) February 25, 2020
17.
the council will decide your fate pic.twitter.com/5N5b4Bnh5v — jules (@cowboij) February 23, 2020
18.
My cat Kaylee wearing a 'cat hat' I made from yarn I spun with her fur. My husband challenged me a while back about spinning yarn from our cats fur. It is really soft like angora. I know this is wrong on so many levels but she is kind of cut in her hat. pic.twitter.com/e9qpMccZT7 — Michael's Cat (@michaelscat2) February 25, 2020
19.
I’m here to bless y’all’s feed with this wholesome goodness. pic.twitter.com/3mXxVjOta6 — ❄🌲Fallon☁☃(Comms Open!) (@Tea_Finch) February 26, 2020
READ MORE:
17 nice things that made us feel good this week


thepoke--2020-02-28--4 people upset by Greta Thunberg that suggests she is 100% doing the right thing

As you will no doubt have seen , Greta Thunberg is in the UK speaking to tens of thousands of @ @ @ @ @ climate protest in Bristol .
The 17-year-old told the crowd that governments were acting like @ @ @ @ @ youngsters to be “ the adults in the room ” .
There was no shortage @ @ @ @ @ Twitter but there was also a whole bunch of people who weren ’ t just @ @ @ @ @ They were furious .
No more questions , your honour .

Popular
As you will no doubt have seen, Greta Thunberg is in the UK speaking to tens of thousands of school children at a youth climate protest in Bristol.
The 17-year-old told the crowd that governments were acting like children so it fell upon youngsters to be “the adults in the room”.
There was no shortage of support for her on Twitter but there was also a whole bunch of people who weren’t just unhappy she was here. They were furious.
So we have a global pandemic with #coronavirus and spoilt school kids led by #GretaThunberg are planning to strike in Bristol today. This event should be cancelled and these kids should be sent back to school. Lefty teachers encouraging taunting need to be sacked. Do you agree? pic.twitter.com/ZzYTB43Viz — Jon Gaunt (@jongaunt) February 28, 2020
Any idea why #GretaThunberg doesn’t protest in China, the US or Russia which have v high levels of emissions? UK’s are vanishingly small in global terms. Feels like we’re the safe target. — Allison Pearson (@allisonpearson) February 28, 2020
So, #GretaThunberg has flown in (fumes) for which hundreds of people will be bussed to Bristol from other cities (fumes), at great cost to British taxpayer due to security and police presence (fumes) and hundreds of children will skip school (illegal). Great fun in #Bristol! — Kathy Gyngell (@KathyConWom) February 28, 2020
No more questions, your honour.
#GretaThunberg is currently trending, not because she's a leading voice in raising the alarm about impending climate catastrophe, but because a bunch of boomers are complaining about being made to feel like they've trashed the planet for all humanity. Which they have. — Sam W Ⓥ (@saminalrights) February 28, 2020
I have absolutely no idea why a middle aged conservative man is so threatened by a young, progressive, opinionated female who is raising awareness on the biggest issue facing our planet and calling out the perceived wisdoms and core beliefs of many middle aged conservative men. https://t.co/ltQgraLEgi — James Melville (@JamesMelville) February 28, 2020
#GretaThunberg To all the "adults" trolling Greta Thunberg please just at take a look at yourselves. You are trolling a child. On a separate note, is there a correlation between climate deniers and Brexiteers? — Katy (@Katy60891492) February 28, 2020
Reading tweets from boomers complaining about #GretaThunberg is exactly why this planet is fucked — Dan // (@shesnotworthit) February 28, 2020
https://twitter.com/DD1958/status/1233381006415187969?s=20