thepoke--2020-12-18--The 25 funniest tweets of the week

The 25 funniest tweets of the week

Every week , we scour Twitter for the funniest tweets we can find and narrow them down to 25 of @ @ @ @ @ them out and maybe give some of the people who wrote them a follow .
@ @ @ @ @ best tweets we ’ ve seen this week…

Twitter
Every week, we scour Twitter for the funniest tweets we can find and narrow them down to 25 of the very best. Check them out and maybe give some of the people who wrote them a follow.
Here they are, the best tweets we’ve seen this week…
1.
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer pic.twitter.com/ULUdXsEbL9 — Tom Button (@tombutton) December 14, 2020
2.
dolly parton could’ve designed the tesla but elon musk couldn’t have written jolene https://t.co/0DDRDlMmLz — anthony (@woundedworIds) December 15, 2020
3.
https://twitter.com/mmastrac/status/1338482478613295105
4.
that scene in doctor who where the doctor brings vincent van gogh to a 21st century exhibition of his work except he takes t.s. eliot to a screening of cats (2019) — aIison (@aIisoooon) December 11, 2020
5.
Whenever I watch that Lindt advert on TV pic.twitter.com/lgbpdfs24B — Laura (@fairycakes) December 13, 2020
6.
i saw mommy kissing santa clause now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head but she's touching his chest now — zach silberberg (for hire) (@zachsilberberg) December 12, 2020
7.
Strong argument to be made that this was the most iconic photo taken in the last decade pic.twitter.com/vctXROLPkM — Pete Burns’ Confiscated Coat (@harrisonjbrock) December 14, 2020
8.
That’s a shame. She loves bread. https://t.co/7l7OfvRSBI — Phil Wang (@PhilNWang) December 15, 2020
9.
me too he’s not special pic.twitter.com/i3SnvD8fuP — anja (@internetanja) December 15, 2020
10.
they finally cracked the zodiac cipher pic.twitter.com/Jjgqw6UU6T — COLiN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) December 12, 2020
11.
https://twitter.com/camillagluh/status/1337889434595852290
12.
working at the office. working at home. pic.twitter.com/UEumxkOHVv — bolty/bolto (@AmbJohnBoIton) December 15, 2020
13.
Me: i have a headache WebMD: and it’ll be your last — BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA (@YRN_Jay15) December 16, 2020
14.
every time an actor does an interview about how they gained weight for a role they're like "honestly I just ate absolute nasty disgusting garbage for a month straight" and then they go on to describe my normal diet that I've been eating for 31 years — Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) December 17, 2020
15.
reject embrace
modernity tradition pic.twitter.com/QUEOoJrOWx — rip zeph (@zephanijong) December 16, 2020
16.
Me My dog doing
literally anything pic.twitter.com/mc4hp5kfyy — Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 16, 2020
17.
My new business cards just arrived. pic.twitter.com/n961x5PyZL — Alex Taylor (@38percentsure) December 11, 2020
18.
i hate toasters so much why can't u just raise the finished toast in a more calm manner — jame (@video_jame) December 15, 2020
19.
20.
Did anyone else just get this? pic.twitter.com/LICPqacdbB — Cassie (@Cassiesmyth) December 17, 2020
21.
our gift to you today is our fav tweet of 2020 pic.twitter.com/39lVj6NmLm — HAIM (@HAIMtheband) December 13, 2020
22.
me in 2020:
how it started how it's going pic.twitter.com/gdT4DvdUtu — Feliz NaviDadjokes (@perlhack) December 17, 2020
23.
it is getting harder to tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of ambition — sam (she/her) (@vegetariangoth) December 16, 2020
24.
The Queen’s Gambit is really great and I’m also pretty sure it holds the record for Love Scene Involving Characters With The Most Different Eyeball Spacings pic.twitter.com/0oJCvB1HNp — Regional Expert (@SortaBad) December 14, 2020
25.
you’ve heard of cliffhangers, now get ready — anja (@internetanja) December 14, 2020
Want more funny tweets?
Check out last week’s roundup


thepoke--2020-12-18--Simply 8 of the funniest shop signs telling people to mask up during the pandemic

Despite all the benefits to you and other people of wearing a mask when you ’ re out shopping , @ @ @ @ @ minority of people continue to refuse , and they don ’ t half like talking @ @ @ @ @ ’ s been no shortage of very funny ( and often brutal ) shop signs @ @ @ @ @ here are 8 of the best .
Not every shop had the same policy .
@ @ @ @ @ opposite , alas , a reminder that there ’ s still no vaccine for idiocy @ @ @ @ @ anyone ’ s still in any doubt … Simply 23 brilliant comebacks to make your @ @ @ @ @ better

Best Of
Despite all the benefits to you and other people of wearing a mask when you’re out shopping, a small but very vocal minority of people continue to refuse, and they don’t half like talking about it.
Fortunately there’s been no shortage of very funny (and often brutal) shop signs telling them otherwise, and here are 8 of the best.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Not every shop had the same policy. This one had the exact opposite, alas, a reminder that there’s still no vaccine for idiocy.
And just in case anyone’s still in any doubt …
READ MORE
Simply 23 brilliant comebacks to make your day just a little bit better


thepoke--2020-12-18--Our 14 favourite funny reactions to the news that Mrs Brown’s Boys will be around for years

Forget Marmite – Mrs Brown ’ s Boys is the real “ love it or hate it ” thing dividing @ @ @ @ @ ’ Carroll ‘ s sitcom ran for years in theatres before hitting the screens , @ @ @ @ @ and keeps getting commissioned – yet it ’ s almost impossible to find anyone with @ @ @ @ @ about it .
They must be out there somewhere .
On Thursday , there was @ @ @ @ @ s future .
It got very much the reaction you ’ d expect .
Match @ @ @ @ @ replaced with Mrs Brown ’ s Boys – the only 6 reactions you need

Twitter
Forget Marmite – Mrs Brown’s Boys is the real “love it or hate it” thing dividing the nation.
Mrs Brown's Boys is a rare thing. I can't think of another sitcom that engenders such extreme, polar opposite reactions. People appear to think it's either the funniest thing they've ever seen, or they'd be willing to join a terror organisation to ensure its cancellation. — Richard Littler (@richard_littler) December 17, 2020
Brendan O’Carroll‘s sitcom ran for years in theatres before hitting the screens, wins awards all the time and keeps getting commissioned – yet it’s almost impossible to find anyone with a good word to say about it. They must be out there somewhere.
On Thursday, there was news about the show’s future.
Mrs Brown’s Boys will air until at least 2026 https://t.co/zhpMSPKLWq — The Independent (@Independent) December 17, 2020
It got very much the reaction you’d expect.
1.
Dear Santa Kill me Love, Russ https://t.co/NzBLHguIkC — Russ (@RussInCheshire) December 17, 2020
2.
we don't deserve the vaccine https://t.co/13LNVUiBkM — shon faye. (@shonfaye) December 17, 2020
3.
And you wonder why aliens keep a wide berth. https://t.co/vOaP9ghWHE — Count Binface (@CountBinface) December 17, 2020
4.
Sod it, have a big Christmas orgy and refuse the vaccine. In fact, destroy the vaccines. https://t.co/rcMFG6i3ti — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) December 17, 2020
5.
6.
Turns out the pandemic wasn't the worst thing to happen in 2020. https://t.co/RcANRMs8ds — OnlyHans Gruber (@misslucyp) December 17, 2020
7.
Everyone: we don’t watch Mrs Brown’s Boys BBC: *airs it for another 5 years* https://t.co/00VW5cQ7ko pic.twitter.com/VhMyDKj4YD — Claudia (@BeeClaudia00) December 17, 2020
8.
I'd rather trap my Bollocks in an egg slicer https://t.co/XYqYrCsPbC — Cidrufdiamond 🇬🇧🇵🇹🇮🇱 (@arbronsious) December 17, 2020
9.
Final fucking nail in the 2020's. https://t.co/A55wE953Tl — Burnside (@BurnsideNotTosh) December 17, 2020
10.
I was going to get up but saw this so I might stay in bed for another six years, give or take. https://t.co/4bYhky1jdn — christmas eve (@eve_moriarty) December 17, 2020
11.
have we not suffered enough? https://t.co/VTeOokIgZ8 — jake (@jakemilligan_) December 17, 2020
12.
Joking aside, I love that our shared hatred of Mrs Brown's Boys brings so many of us together. — (((Sigourney Beaver))) (@sigourneybeaver) December 17, 2020
13.
BREAKING: Super Army Soldiers from #RAFLuton will be taking the lead in fighting the so called comedy show as part of The War Against Terrible Television! #OperationTWATT https://t.co/yeH5sgbroy pic.twitter.com/jyUiNf5oIO — RAF_Luton (@RAF_Luton) December 16, 2020
14.
This feels like a threat https://t.co/sU1WuWeOAA — Tanya Reynolds (@RightEyeReynolz) December 16, 2020
Alex Dale gave us food for thought.
If he could negotiate this unreasonable deal what could he do with an EU free trade agreement? https://t.co/mBZChGdPy2 — Alex Dale (@typofoto) December 17, 2020
Anybody know Brendan O’Carroll’s number?
READ MORE
Match of the Day has been replaced with Mrs Brown’s Boys – the only 6 reactions you need
Source Independent Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-18--Someone shared their ‘Mariah Carey’ Christmas decoration and the singer had the brutal final word

Over on Twitter @ kyletblaine was very excited by his Mariah Carey Christmas decoration , so much so that he @ @ @ @ @ it on Twitter .
And it ’ s fair to say that people had thoughts @ @ @ @ @ But the best response surely came from the singer herself .
It ’ s all @ @ @ @ @ , mostly .
Not that you ’ d know it from the advert … Still @ @ @ @ @ worse .
Andrew Cotter ’ s done another video with Olive and Mabel and it @ @ @ @

Pics
Over on Twitter @kyletblaine was very excited by his Mariah Carey Christmas decoration, so much so that he took the time to share it on Twitter.
My husband and I exchange ornaments every year and this year he got me @MariahCarey which is very festive! pic.twitter.com/ovzQwe8tG6 — Kyle Blaine (@kyletblaine) December 17, 2020
And it’s fair to say that people had thoughts, not entirely positive.
But the best response surely came from the singer herself.
This is… Not approved (But it's the thought that counts) https://t.co/wMAOBQ2BgS — Mariah Carey (@MariahCarey) December 17, 2020
It’s all about the eye. Well, mostly.
what's with the eyes pls pic.twitter.com/MMr99Dbceq — blue (@dojakyle) December 17, 2020
Not that you’d know it from the advert …
the way it's advertised HELP pic.twitter.com/GXnLo1BWOE — brian (@BrianHuffman) December 17, 2020
Still, it could have been worse.
And what about this one ? pic.twitter.com/STYRd0cRSF — លេអា (@sugarwth777_) December 17, 2020
Altogether now …
READ MORE
Andrew Cotter’s done another video with Olive and Mabel and it’s … emotional
Source Twitter @MariahCarey


thepoke--2020-12-18--Andrew Cotter’s done another video with Olive and Mabel and it’s … emotional

The great Andrew Cotter is back with another Olive and Mabel video and this is in a slightly different gear @ @ @ @ @ sports commentator ’ s videos have been so popular the trio have even got a @ @ @ @ @ can read a rather lovely interview with the great man here ) .
And you @ @ @ @ @ Olive and Mabel ) on Twitter here .
Of all Andrew Cotter ’ s brilliant @ @ @ @ @ this is our very favourite

Videos
The great Andrew Cotter is back with another Olive and Mabel video and this is in a slightly different gear to his others …
Hard to leave. We had – and filmed – a lot of good times here. pic.twitter.com/QbQfYcQI9Z — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) December 17, 2020
The sports commentator’s videos have been so popular the trio have even got a book out (and you can read a rather lovely interview with the great man here).
And you can follow him (and Olive and Mabel) on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Of all Andrew Cotter’s brilliant Olive and Mabel videos, this is our very favourite
Source @MrAndrewCotter


thepoke--2020-12-18--‘Why does Matt Hancock sit down like Woody in Toy Story’ is 2020’s greatest spot

It ’ s just over a year since this Matt Hancock clip went viral , a video of him being @ @ @ @ @ a woman which you will no doubt remember .
Now another Matt Hancock clip has @ @ @ @ @ is surely 2020 ’ s greatest spot , by @ christiancalgie over on Twitter .
@ @ @ @ @ does .
This hilarious Donald Trump video is the perfect farewell to the so-called president

Videos
It’s just over a year since this Matt Hancock clip went viral, a video of him being ‘totally normal’ with a woman which you will no doubt remember.
Matt Hancock being totally normal with a woman. pic.twitter.com/REmT3d4we5 — Sooz "Christmas" Kempner (@SoozUK) December 11, 2019
Now another Matt Hancock clip has gone viral, and it is surely 2020’s greatest spot, by @christiancalgie over on Twitter.
Why does Matt Hancock sit down like Woody in Toy Story when a human enters the room pic.twitter.com/uJOrAWJiTU — Calgie (@christiancalgie) December 17, 2020
He does, he really does.
When I say I YELPED https://t.co/P2se2fNHQQ — jack rem x (@jackremmington) December 17, 2020
https://twitter.com/Aliceliveing_/status/1339677767584141312?s=20
This is as mesmerising as it is peculiar. https://t.co/dnBOlQvpU8 — Standard Issue (@StandardIssueUK) December 17, 2020
everyday we are presented with a new video to show us how weird this man is. https://t.co/Gh8DIgrkft — vic (@victoriasanusi) December 17, 2020
To conclude …
🎶You've got a friend in me🎶 pic.twitter.com/BQtAITLIDO — Burnside (@BurnsideNotTosh) December 17, 2020
READ MORE
This hilarious Donald Trump video is the perfect farewell to the so-called president
Source Twitter @christiancalgie


thepoke--2020-12-18--Elon Musk’s complaint about pronouns set him up for one particularly enjoyable takedown

An increasing number of people prefer to use the non-gendered pronouns ‘ they ’ and ‘ them ’ , for @ @ @ @ @ and it ’ s among the easier things anyone can do to show respect .
@ @ @ @ @ ’ when we don ’ t know someone ’ s gender .
See how easy @ @ @ @ @ s no trickier if a person chooses to be referred to like that , unless @ @ @ @ @ , apparently .
The industrial designer whose son with singer , Grimes , is named @ @ @ @ @ up as a fairly easy target , and these people made the most of it @ @ @ @ @ to add to the founder of SpaceX .
Finally , this reminder to South African-born @ @ @ @ @ is not the only language .
This doctor ’ s ‘ space Karen ’ takedown @ @ @ @ @ of this world

Twitter
An increasing number of people prefer to use the non-gendered pronouns ‘they’ and ‘them’, for a range of reasons, and it’s among the easier things anyone can do to show respect.
We already use ‘they’ when we don’t know someone’s gender.
“I went to see the doctor about my dodgy knee.” “What did they say?”
See how easy it is? It’s no trickier if a person chooses to be referred to like that, unless you’re Elon Musk, apparently.
The industrial designer whose son with singer, Grimes, is named X Æ A-12 set himself up as a fairly easy target, and these people made the most of it.
1.
mf your child’s name is a 30% off coupon code https://t.co/YBOALGwo8i — claire updates official (@deathdahlia) December 16, 2020
2.
you named your kid a wifi password https://t.co/fc75nq8uy9 — Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 16, 2020
3.
you named your child x æ a-12 and you want to call PRONOUNS an aesthetic nightmare???? https://t.co/ROJ48cOEvD — (@burnrvbber) December 16, 2020
4.
Not you being worried about “esthetics” when you named your baby Bang Bang Boogie Say Up Jumped The Boogie To The Rhythm Of The Boogie The Beat https://t.co/4dzvwDCyMh — negro (@earringdealer) December 17, 2020
5.
aesthetic nightmare: “my pronouns are they/them” non-aesthetic nightmare: “my child’s name is X Æ A-12” https://t.co/PU7xZyKNvl — shoe (@shoe0nhead) December 16, 2020
6.
This, from the guy who leaned on his keyboard and was like, “That’s a great baby name.” https://t.co/iUlp0tqp0J — SUE the T. rex (@SUEtheTrex) December 17, 2020
7.
8.
“I absolutely support trans people, but not enough to do the very fucking basic things that might demonstrate that support,” says guy who named his child &£?56PegasiB. pic.twitter.com/1eoMJgZGrI —  Mary ChristMax  (@SpillerOfTea) December 17, 2020
Jeff VanderMeer had this to add to the founder of SpaceX.
Yes, "he," "she," "they," for example… so fucking tough. I mean, it's like it's rocket science or something. https://t.co/stvt6xY9Tn — Jeff VanderMeer (@jeffvandermeer) December 17, 2020
Finally, this reminder to South African-born and raised Musk that English is not the only language.
are you familiar with languages that feature formal/informal pronoun distinctions as well as male/female/neuter singular pronouns e.g. idk afrikaans https://t.co/8bBBFP68Nv — The Thoughtful Quote Tweeter (@jesawyer) December 17, 2020
The irony.
READ MORE
This doctor’s ‘space Karen’ takedown of Elon Musk is out of this world
Source Elon Musk Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-18--How do you weigh a koala? No, it’s not a cracker joke

This might be the cutest picture you ’ ll see today , whilst also giving you the answer to a @ @ @ @ @ at you if you ’ d ever considered it .
Twitter knows a good thing @ @ @ @ @ as these reactions show .
Now …how do they weigh a kangaroo ?
Minds are @ @ @ @ @ small children

Pics
This might be the cutest picture you’ll see today, whilst also giving you the answer to a question that would have nagged at you if you’d ever considered it.
If you've ever wondered the best way to weigh a koala, this is the ingenious solution used by the Kangaroo Island Wildlife Park and the Kangaroo Island Koala Rescue Centre. pic.twitter.com/Q3df8lGfr8 — IFLScience (@IFLScience) December 17, 2020
from Aww GIFs via Gfycat
Twitter knows a good thing when it sees it – as these reactions show.
THIS is the news we need. https://t.co/7TeS1rg72S — Jennifer Maslin (@JenniferMaslin) December 17, 2020
Wonder? It used to keep me up at night. 🤣 https://t.co/vrhbnV0NgO — Mark Blackmore (@DimExcuses) December 17, 2020
Probably the best koala – weighing photo you'll see today. https://t.co/0eBqgTIq27 — Duille (@DuilleDesign) December 17, 2020
I've got the same set-up in the bathroom. — Rob Thomas (@RobThom04350374) December 17, 2020
Now …how do they weigh a kangaroo?
via Gfycat
READ MORE
Minds are blowing at how hospitals x-ray small children
Source IFL Science Image IFL Science, Samuel Ramos on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-12-18--The ending to this Muppets Christmas special takes a very dark and unexpected turn

With The Muppet Christmas Carol now firmly cemented as a classic festive movie , it ’ s fair to say that The Muppets and Christmas go together like turkey and cranberry .
Do you know what traditionally doesn ’ t pair well with either Christmas or Muppets ?
Deep moral discussions around the medical harvesting of infant organs .
Thanks to a video unearthed by writer Mike Scollins , that ’ s a lesson we ’ ve had to learn ourselves .
The video shows the closing moments of A Muppet Family Christmas , which was initially broadcast in 1987 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to this unfortunate incident : If you ’ re unable to watch the soul-sucking video yourself , here ’ s the breakdown .
As the end credits roll , alongside an instrumental version of “ We Wish You A Merry Christmas ” playing in the background , a voiceover begins : “ I ’ m Dr. Timothy Johnson .
Later on Nightline , it ’ s a controversy about life and death ; Do you keep a doomed baby alive so its organs can be used to save the lives of others ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ subjects .
Although… People have been improving movies by adding the “ The Muppets ” – 19 of the most sensational

Twitter
With The Muppet Christmas Carol now firmly cemented as a classic festive movie, it’s fair to say that The Muppets and Christmas go together like turkey and cranberry.
Do you know what traditionally doesn’t pair well with either Christmas or Muppets? Deep moral discussions around the medical harvesting of infant organs.
Thanks to a video unearthed by writer Mike Scollins, that’s a lesson we’ve had to learn ourselves. The video shows the closing moments of A Muppet Family Christmas, which was initially broadcast in 1987 but has gone viral on Twitter due to this unfortunate incident:
I’ve never been brought back to Earth so fast. pic.twitter.com/p7g96UzNOL — Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) December 15, 2020
If you’re unable to watch the soul-sucking video yourself, here’s the breakdown.
As the end credits roll, alongside an instrumental version of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” playing in the background, a voiceover begins:
“I’m Dr. Timothy Johnson. Later on Nightline, it’s a controversy about life and death; Do you keep a doomed baby alive so its organs can be used to save the lives of others?”
Not exactly the most Christmassy of subjects. Although…
But a doomed baby is exactly what Christmas is about — Leah🎄Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) December 15, 2020
READ MORE
People have been improving movies by adding the “The Muppets” – 19 of the most sensational
Source: @mikescollins


thepoke--2020-12-18--‘Do They Know It’s Covid Time?’ sees the government ‘sing’ a gloriously honest take on the coronavir

‘Do They Know It’s Covid Time?’ sees the government ‘sing’ a gloriously honest take on the coronavirus rules

The funny lot over at JOE have done it again , with this brilliant reworking of the Band Aid classic @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Christmas ?
We ’ re not sure whether to laugh or cry .
@ @ @ @ @ people thought .
We ’ re with Bill Morris on this .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ .
Donald Trump “ singing ” Take Me To Church is as brutal as it @ @

Videos
The funny lot over at JOE have done it again, with this brilliant reworking of the Band Aid classic, Do They Know It’s Christmas?
With infection rates surging and experts warning of a third wave, this is Boris and the Superspreaders with #DoTheyKnowItsCovidTime 🎄🦠 pic.twitter.com/YIIOwBImDX — PoliticsJOE (@PoliticsJOE_UK) December 17, 2020
We’re not sure whether to laugh or cry. Here’s what other people thought.
This is just brilliant and so on point 😂😭😂😭😭 pic.twitter.com/mjzsr74xcA — Ms Perfectly Imperfect 🤍 (@MsReh35) December 17, 2020
Anyone else find this funny but have to leg it after 10 seconds because they can't stand the sight of them — Jack Pearson (@JackPp_27) December 17, 2020
This just about sums up the year.
.. hilarious but in a very sad and truthful way. #BorisHasFailedTheNation #BorisOut #funnybuttrue https://t.co/ozmAsZlJiQ — Jenny (@Jenny34615672) December 17, 2020
this is absolutely brilliant https://t.co/gADijoKCpS — Carolina Milanesi (@caro_milanesi) December 17, 2020
We’re with Bill Morris on this.
Every single person in this country should be made to watch this! Pity we can't download it! Make it the new Christmas number one! — Bill Morris (@BillMor45163651) December 17, 2020
It’s definitely got the X factor.
READ MORE
Donald Trump “singing” Take Me To Church is as brutal as it is clever
Source JOE Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-18--Jacob Rees-Mogg attacked UNICEF for feeding hungry British children – 9 scathing responses

Although not top of anyone ’ s list of suggestions for Philanthropist of the Year , Jacob Rees-Mogg seems to have embraced his inner Ebenezer Scrooge with a recent comment in the House of Commons .
After Labour ’ s Zarah Sultana brought up the shocking issue of UNICEF finding it necessary to give the UK a grant to feed poor children in London , he took a swipe at the United Nation ’ s Children ’ s fund .
“ Are there no prisons ?
Are there no workhouses ?
” He went further , using a report about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to rail about UNICEF again , leading Zarah Sultana to post this .
Angela Rayner added her disgust at his attitude .
She wasn ’ t the only one .
His statement caused him to be a hot topic on Twitter for hours , with the word ‘ Dickensian ’ cropping up enough to make the trends list – and not in a good way .
Here are some more of the most scathing reactions .
Jacob Rees-Mogg told people to stop their ‘ endless carping ’ about lack of Covid tests – @ @ @

News
Although not top of anyone’s list of suggestions for Philanthropist of the Year, Jacob Rees-Mogg seems to have embraced his inner Ebenezer Scrooge with a recent comment in the House of Commons.
After Labour’s Zarah Sultana brought up the shocking issue of UNICEF finding it necessary to give the UK a grant to feed poor children in London, he took a swipe at the United Nation’s Children’s fund.
Full clip here 👇🏻 pic.twitter.com/UjOQt8jTRs — Rob Powell (@robpowellnews) December 17, 2020
“Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?”
He went further, using a report about the armed kidnap of children in Nigeria to rail about UNICEF again, leading Zarah Sultana to post this.
Jacob Rees-Mogg has doubled-down, now calling UNICEF feeding hungry children in Britain "faffing around". His net worth is reportedly in excess of £100 million. He and his party know nothing about the lives of the working class. Utterly revolting. https://t.co/ynoTz054WL — Zarah Sultana MP (@zarahsultana) December 17, 2020
Angela Rayner added her disgust at his attitude.
Jacob Rees-Mogg says that @UNICEF should be ashamed of itself for stepping in to feed hungry children in Britain. I say @Jacob_Rees_Mogg @BorisJohnson @RishiSunak and the rest of the government shoud be ashamed of themselves for letting children go hungry. — 🌈 Angela Rayner 🌈 (@AngelaRayner) December 17, 2020
She wasn’t the only one. His statement caused him to be a hot topic on Twitter for hours, with the word ‘Dickensian’ cropping up enough to make the trends list – and not in a good way.
Shameful: • feeding hungry children Not shameful: • being a frock-coated Dickensian shithouse who has strived to create the conditions where it’s necessary for charitable organisations to feed hungry children in one of the world’s richest countrieshttps://t.co/aF6au2pzZ8 — 🏳🌈 Mary ChristMax 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) December 17, 2020
Here are some more of the most scathing reactions.
1.
Man who said the victims of Grenfell lacked common sense for not ignoring the instructions of the fire brigade says Unicef "should be ashamed of themselves" for feeding starving kidspic.twitter.com/vFseMCeuRV — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 17, 2020
2.
Seriously though charities have got to stop showing off and feeding starving children. https://t.co/BQx4Y6WpeT — Rosie Holt (@RosieisaHolt) December 17, 2020
3.
Like Johnson and Farage, Rees-Mogg owes his political position to the media, who thought he was colourful and interesting and funny, so gave him a massive platform.
In reality, he's just a cruel, sheltered, pompous arse. https://t.co/BCa0qlRS1q — George Monbiot (@GeorgeMonbiot) December 17, 2020
4.
UNICEF isn't playing politics, it's feeding kids who are starving.
Jacob Rees-Mogg isn't feeding kids who are starving, he's playing politics. — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) December 17, 2020
5.
Jacob Rees-Mogg latest. NOT SHAMEFUL:
◾Putting millions into tax havens to avoid paying tax
◾Opening funds in Ireland to avoid fallout from Brexit you backed
◾Saying Grenfell victims lacked common sense
◾Voting not to feed hungry kids SHAMEFUL:
◾Trying to feed hungry kids — David Schneider (@davidschneider) December 17, 2020
6.
I see Jacob Rees Mogg is furious poor people aren't being left to die again. — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) December 17, 2020
7.
beneath the caricature of Jacob Rees-Mogg as some kind of haunted evil Victorian Scrooge type character lies something much worse pic.twitter.com/LAKQdJpTIu — dave ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) December 17, 2020
8.
if only the government could 'play politics' like UNICEF and feed British children and those families in working poverty but, alas, that would, alas, be 'playing politics' — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) December 17, 2020
9.
Jacob Rees Mogg, with all due respect, should fuck entirely off. https://t.co/eEq7ihk8h7 — Matt Haig (@matthaig1) December 17, 2020
Otto English shared this logical conclusion.
If Jacob Rees-Mogg had been kicking around Judaea in the 1st century, he'd have been berating Jesus for feeding the 5,000 and healing the sick. — Otto English (@Otto_English) December 17, 2020
READ MORE
Jacob Rees-Mogg told people to stop their ‘endless carping’ about lack of Covid tests – 9 favourite takedowns
Source Rob Powell Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-18--12 times the customer was very, very wrong

It ’ s a saying that ’ s drilled into anyone who works with the general public : the customer is all right .
Although , anyone who ’ s ever dealt with customers knows that ’ s far from correct .
With that in mind , here are 12 customers who were very , very wrong : 1 .
This customer who belongs in the misunderstanding hall of fame : 2 .
This customer who had an awkward encounter : 3 .
These customers who didn ’ t know what a bay leaf was : 4 .
This customer @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 5 .
This customer who had some size issues : 6 .
This customer who forgot something very important : 7 .
This customer who won ’ t be trying on clothes again anytime soon : 8 .
This customer who misunderstood the concept of Lego : 9 .
This customer who was mistunderstood : 10 .
This customer who asked an incredibly dumb question : 11 .
This customer who needed way too much details : 12 .
And finally , this customer who had a cringe-worthy travel experience : 14 people @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Pics
It’s a saying that’s drilled into anyone who works with the general public: the customer is all right. Although, anyone who’s ever dealt with customers knows that’s far from correct.
With that in mind, here are 12 customers who were very, very wrong:
1. This customer who belongs in the misunderstanding hall of fame:
2. This customer who had an awkward encounter:
3. These customers who didn’t know what a bay leaf was:
4. This customer who got suffered a bakery mishap:
5. This customer who had some size issues:
6. This customer who forgot something very important:
7. This customer who won’t be trying on clothes again anytime soon:
8. This customer who misunderstood the concept of Lego:
9. This customer who was mistunderstood:
10. This customer who asked an incredibly dumb question:
11. This customer who needed way too much details:
12. And finally, this customer who had a cringe-worthy travel experience:
READ MORE
14 people who should have double-checked before hitting send


thepoke--2020-12-18--14 scathing responses to Congress’s proposed $600 stimulus checks

Nine months after Americans received their first stimulus check , Congress is inching closer to passing a new coronavirus aid @ @ @ @ @ believed to include a second round of stimulus checks at a rate of $ 600 @ @ @ @ @ previous amount .
Needless to say , many aren ’ t happy and are voicing @ @ @ @ @ not being enough to assist through the ongoing pandemic .
Here are the only 14 @ @ @ @ @ hilarious Donald Trump video is the perfect farewell to the so-called president

Twitter
Nine months after Americans received their first stimulus check, Congress is inching closer to passing a new coronavirus aid package. The package is believed to include a second round of stimulus checks at a rate of $600 each, half of the previous amount.
Another round of payments could be around $600 to $700, down from the $1,200 sums Congress authorized with the first payments in the spring. https://t.co/yV3xoB93Ik — CNBC (@CNBC) December 17, 2020
Needless to say, many aren’t happy and are voicing concerns over the one-time payment not being enough to assist through the ongoing pandemic.
Here are the only 14 reactions you need:
1.
Which half of your rent are you going to spend your stimulus check on? — Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) December 17, 2020
2.
For the next stimulus check, you need to sell a certain amount of these chocolates to get it pic.twitter.com/DlMqiKqBzM — Joe (@mojoejoejoemtz) December 17, 2020
3.
don’t worry y’all, financial planners are here to offer advice on how to stretch that $600 stimulus check • add it to your emergency fund
• don’t be poor
• pay down credit card debt
• don’t buy lavish items like toilet paper or food
• seriously, just stop being poor — Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) December 17, 2020
4.
congress cutting those $600 stimulus checks pic.twitter.com/0EmWz56N4B — Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) December 18, 2020
5.
The next stimulus check is gonna be members of congress clapping from their windows — Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) December 18, 2020
6.
us government pandemic stimulus checks pic.twitter.com/C1NKcwnYHQ — moisturous breezy (@moistbreezy) December 18, 2020
7.
Fucking $600 stimulus checks. Why not just throw $5 in quarters on the ground and make me pick them up while you laugh — The Honorable bЯyan (@murderxbryan) December 17, 2020
8.
The next stimulus check is a $200 giftcard to Blockbuster — ₦Î₵₭ (@_NickMartinez) December 17, 2020
9.
BREAKING: Congress has just announced that instead of a stimulus check, every citizen gets an extra hour in the ball pit. pic.twitter.com/eAhZaHjkg5 — Jtenzah is doin' o.k. (@JTenzah) December 17, 2020
10.
cut out the middleman and just give us a ps5 as the stimulus check — everett byram (@rad_milk) December 17, 2020
11.
$600 stimulus check inbound to help you pay 9 months of back rent pic.twitter.com/bQobl9kTHA — Carlo (@yesthatCarlo) December 16, 2020
12.
$600 is enough for a stimulus check and $15 is too high for minimum wage. I also haven’t paid attention to the economy since 1960 and bought a house for $17 in 1962. — Joey⚡ (@joeygllghr) December 17, 2020
13.
The $600 stimulus check pic.twitter.com/dbCZCZREIX — Joy Kudia (@kudya_not) December 17, 2020
14.
https://twitter.com/smokeyrgreens/status/1339659934640779264
READ MORE
This hilarious Donald Trump video is the perfect farewell to the so-called president


thepoke--2020-12-19--Andrew Cotter’s hilarious Olive and Mabel videos were a 2020 highlight – 11 of the best

Andrew Cotter ’ s videos of his brilliant dogs Olive and Mabel was one of the highlights of 2020 and @ @ @ @ @ pandemic .
The sports commentator ’ s home videos are a constant delight , so @ @ @ @ @ have even got their own book ( you can follow Andrew on Twitter here and @ @ @ @ @ .
Here are 11 of our favourites .
If you haven ’ t seen all @ @ @ @ @ in for a treat and if you have , then you ’ ll know they @ @ @ @ @ Olive , Mabel and Me ’ by Andrew Cotter is available to buy over here @ @ @ @ @ Andrew on Twitter here and on YouTube over here .
Sports commentator Nick Heath had @ @ @ @ @ commentated on everyday life and it ’ s brilliant

Videos
Andrew Cotter’s hilarious videos of his brilliant dogs Olive and Mabel were one of the highlights of 2020 and provided welcome relief during the pandemic.
The sports commentator’s home videos are a constant delight, so popular in fact that they have even got their own book (you can follow Andrew on Twitter here and on YouTube over here).
Here are 11 of our favourites. If you haven’t seen all of them you’re in for a treat and if you have, then you’ll know they merit repeat viewing …
1.
2.
Some sports are slower. More about the strategy. pic.twitter.com/JMBaGJ1tSd — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 9, 2020
3.
Just while I wait for them to have an actual rematch. pic.twitter.com/yVsaXD9bNS — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 29, 2020
4.
Still having the company meetings online. pic.twitter.com/aR3LfuSdKl — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) May 11, 2020
5.
Should have been the Olympic Opening Ceremony today. I used my notes anyway. pic.twitter.com/zjsTK3Armp — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) July 24, 2020
6.
Just hoping she can mend her ways. pic.twitter.com/d2YCniSNux — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) July 14, 2020
7.
All I can offer at this time is more dog nonsense. pic.twitter.com/NiUMbVxUjG — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) October 31, 2020
8.
Using this time to get a few things done at home. pic.twitter.com/6k8wrgxUfL — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) October 7, 2020
9.
Difficult to meet in other places just now, so can’t really blame them. pic.twitter.com/kv6UYyelQ4 — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) September 11, 2020
10.
An eight year long quest for food. pic.twitter.com/DPElNzVsFt — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) November 29, 2020
11.
Having to make do with a lot of archive sport recently. Found this epic encounter. pic.twitter.com/fWNZiY67mm — Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) June 10, 2020
‘Olive, Mabel and Me’ by Andrew Cotter is available to buy over here.
Follow Andrew on Twitter here and on YouTube over here.
READ MORE
Sports commentator Nick Heath had no live sport so he commentated on everyday life and it’s brilliant
Source Twitter @MrAndrewCotter YouTube Image Andrew Cotter


thepoke--2020-12-19--The US Space Force will be known as ‘Guardians’ and these 13 takedowns are out of this world

As if it hadn ’ t heaped enough embarrassment on itself already , the United States ‘ Space Force ’ @ @ @ @ @ new name for itself .
And if you thought Space Force was bad , you @ @ @ @ @ yet .
Not only that , they kept on doubling down .
And if you @ @ @ @ @ immediately thought of Guardians of the Galaxy , you ’ d be right .
But @ @ @ @ @ they had to say .
Here are our favourites .

Twitter
As if it hadn’t heaped enough embarrassment on itself already, the United States ‘Space Force’ has come up with a new name for itself.
And if you thought Space Force was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Today, after a yearlong process that produced hundreds of submissions and research involving space professionals and members of the general public, we can finally share with you the name by which we will be known: Guardians. pic.twitter.com/Tmlff4LKW6 — United States Space Force (@SpaceForceDoD) December 18, 2020
Not only that, they kept on doubling down.
The opportunity to name a force is a momentous responsibility. Guardians is a name with a long history in space operations, tracing back to the original command motto of Air Force Space Command in 1983, “Guardians of the High Frontier.” — United States Space Force (@SpaceForceDoD) December 18, 2020
The name Guardians connects our proud heritage and culture to the important mission we execute 24/7, protecting the people and interest of the U.S. and its allies. — United States Space Force (@SpaceForceDoD) December 18, 2020
And if you think a lot of people immediately thought of Guardians of the Galaxy, you’d be right.
But that wasn’t all they had to say. Here are our favourites.
1.
please join my christian laser tag team https://t.co/yRQuqMYtzx — Jon Bois (@jon_bois) December 18, 2020
2.
I'm starting to think this isn't a joke https://t.co/XqVqr0ggWO — Rebekah Jones, MS, GISP (@GeoRebekah) December 19, 2020
3.
At what point is this space organization that’s never going to space and has the Star Trek logo and a name nicked from Marvel going to admit that you just like playing dress up — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 18, 2020
4.
We are the most embarrassing country in the world https://t.co/QifgsErqCy — Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) December 18, 2020
5.
It took you a year to come up with a Star Trek logo and a Marvel name? Was your backup the Go-go Gadget Galactics or something? — David Robinson (@daverobinsonme) December 18, 2020
6.
“Space professionals” really, really makes me want to see a TV show about space amateurs doing it at the weekends https://t.co/lfXPyejS2d — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) December 18, 2020
7.
Fuck yeah this is dumb as shit hell yessssss! https://t.co/G9jp0tT9mU — Cody Johnston (@drmistercody) December 18, 2020
8.
It’s strange that we found money for the Guardians of the Galaxy, but nothing for food or rent for hungry, evicted Americans. 🤔 — Hoodlum 🇺🇸 (@NotHoodlum) December 18, 2020
9.
The Yanks are off their tits mate. https://t.co/a4TE7iOqtq — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) December 19, 2020
10.
They realized there were “some issues” with their first name choice: pic.twitter.com/NW7BtncfqP — Tom Mallory (@tom_mallory) December 18, 2020
11.
"space professionals" is one of the funniest things i've ever seen https://t.co/5RTthzhbR8 — Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) December 18, 2020
12.
In response to the Space Force’s somewhat dramatic “Guardians,” the post office will henceforth be calling their mail deliverers the “Lettorian Guard.” — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) December 19, 2020
13.
Congrats, Guardians – everything about this is funny! https://t.co/DtHB2atLQY — Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 18, 2020
READ MORE
Author James Felton triggered Trump’s Space Force with a joke
Source Twitter @SpaceForceDoD


thepoke--2020-12-19--Someone said this 108 y/o woman didn’t deserve a vaccine and the takedown was glorious

Just like there ’ s a small but vocal minority of people who refuse to wear a mask to help @ @ @ @ @ pandemic , so there also appears to be a small but vocal minority of people @ @ @ @ @ the Covid vaccine .
Here ’ s one of them , taking aim at an @ @ @ @ @ one of the first care home residents to get the jab .
We only mention @ @ @ @ @ follows is sheer perfection .
‘ Don ’ t you love it when they contradict @ @ @ @ @ sentence ?
’ Oishiio42 ‘ Ah yes , the classic “ No disrespect , but @ @ @ @ @ say some disrespectful bullshit ” .
Such fun.
’ zensunniwonderer ‘ I don ’ t @ @ @ @ @ I love her already.
’ yesimthatvalentine Simply 23 brilliant comebacks to make your day just @ @ @ @

Popular
Just like there’s a small but vocal minority of people who refuse to wear a mask to help stop the spread of the pandemic, so there also appears to be a small but vocal minority of people unhappy with certain people getting the Covid vaccine.
Here’s one of them, taking aim at an 108-year-old Welsh woman who became one of the first care home residents to get the jab.
We only mention it because the exchange that follows is sheer perfection.
BOOM.
‘Don’t you love it when they contradict themselves in the next f-cking sentence?’ Oishiio42 ‘Ah yes, the classic “No disrespect, but I’m about to say some disrespectful bullshit”. Such fun.’ zensunniwonderer ‘I don’t even know this woman and I love her already.’ yesimthatvalentine
READ MORE
Simply 23 brilliant comebacks to make your day just a little bit better
Source Reddit u/beerbellybegone


thepoke--2020-12-20--This ‘Honest Christmas song’ is the most meta parody you’ll hear today

As coronavirus and the steps taken to overcome it lay waste to people ’ s incomes , chances are that @ @ @ @ @ wondering whether to switch to that music career they ’ ve always dreamt of .
@ @ @ @ @ and Hog must surely have a better shot at it than most of us – @ @ @ @ @ own advice for writing a money-spinning Christmas hit .
“ We ’ re gon na @ @ @ @ @ choir , ’ cause that ’ s how this shit goes.
” Technically , they @ @ @ @ @ song – now for the untold riches .
“ Yes , this is still a @ @ @ @ @ other people say just like Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
” Voltron Knight

Pics
As coronavirus and the steps taken to overcome it lay waste to people’s incomes, chances are that one or two people are wondering whether to switch to that music career they’ve always dreamt of.
The very funny Foil Arms and Hog must surely have a better shot at it than most of us – especially if they follow their own advice for writing a money-spinning Christmas hit.
“We’re gonna need a children’s choir, ’cause that’s how this shit goes.”
Festive!
Technically, they’ve written the Christmas song – now for the untold riches.
“Yes, this is still a Christmas song no matter what other people say just like Die Hard is a Christmas movie.”
Voltron Knight
READ MORE
‘The Elves are fed up’ hilariously explains Santa’s Covid-19 safety measures
Source Foil Arms and Hog Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-20--Thousands flooded out of London ahead of Tier 4 restrictions – the only 5 responses you need

As the news broke that much of London and the South East would be entering the new Tier 4 – @ @ @ @ @ at midnight on Saturday , vast crowds rushed to catch trains away from the area @ @ @ @ @ without sympathy for the travellers , in spite of the very real likelihood that they @ @ @ @ @ more virulent strain of Covid-19 further from its current stronghold in the South East .
@ @ @ @ @ .
As he so often does , author Jim Felton found the perfect analogy for @ @ @ @ @ reactions to the government ’ s drastic u-turn on Christmas plans

Videos
As the news broke that much of London and the South East would be entering the new Tier 4 – which is effectively lockdown – at midnight on Saturday, vast crowds rushed to catch trains away from the area.
Last train out of Saigon. Queue at St Pancras as we wait to board the Leeds bound train. pic.twitter.com/cFDBDNnYFC — Harriet Clugston (@HarrietClugston) December 19, 2020
“A lot of people are trying to escape before midnight so that they can see their families.” As Christmas approaches, Londoners were busy catching trains to elsewhere Saturday evening in a race against newly announced Tier 4 travel restrictions pic.twitter.com/vqr9M0UGQg — Bloomberg Quicktake (@Quicktake) December 19, 2020
People weren’t without sympathy for the travellers, in spite of the very real likelihood that they would spread the new and more virulent strain of Covid-19 further from its current stronghold in the South East.
I understand why but 😱 https://t.co/paUbikeVkt — Pippa Crerar (@PippaCrerar) December 19, 2020
Most people …
These responses say it all.
1.
Just outstanding work from the government here. Instead of saying “don’t go home for Christmas” earlier people are now sausaging themselves onto trains in a way which will likely cause a few deaths at the very least. https://t.co/YBVQnSqgTf — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 19, 2020
2.
If Johnson is really worried about stopping the spread of the new Covid19 strain, why has he given heavily infected Londoners seven hours to pack their bags, and get a train to other parts of the country? Why didn't he introduce Tier 4 immediately? — I Am Incorrigible FCA (@ImIncorrigible) December 19, 2020
3.
This is a scene from the middle of the disaster movie, just before one where scientists are looking horrified and start phoning their own relatives. https://t.co/BrXE8nImgN — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) December 19, 2020
4.
So remember, Tier 4 means that Londoners should unpack their bags, stay home and do not leave the area…#tier4 #london pic.twitter.com/UVfCaAsREj — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 19, 2020
5.
Discreetly catching the last train out of tier 4 pic.twitter.com/YV9kfcgCZH — Paul (@bingowings14) December 19, 2020
As he so often does, author Jim Felton found the perfect analogy for the situation.
Boris Johnson controlling the new variant by cramming it onto outbound trains pic.twitter.com/vLlyRBpQr1 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 20, 2020
READ MORE
29 scathing reactions to the government’s drastic u-turn on Christmas plans
Source Harriet Clugston Image Screengrab, screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-20--12 of the funniest fake product boxes to prank everyone on your Christmas list

For the determined prankster , what could be better than convincing the recipient of a gift – however briefly – that they ’ d been given one of the most ridiculous products ever invented ?
Except these products haven ’ t really been invented – merely dreamt up and printed on empty boxes by the clever lot at Pranko We particularly liked these 12 .
1 .
Bacon-scented dryer sheets to give all your laundry that hint of breakfast 2 .
Ankle weights to stop your toddler running away 3 .
An anti-bacterial speaker for the toilet bowl 5 .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ farts 6 .
Put all that earwax to good use 7 .
Walkies will be a thing of the past once your fur babies try out the pet swing 8 .
Never bother with a wallet again 9 .
Turn your cat into the next Pawcasso 10 .
Catch up on a few zeds with the nap sack 11 .
Put your pet ’ s paws to good use 12 .
Never be thirsty again Finally , with cleanliness more important than ever , get into those nooks and crannies to banish the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be a big disaapointment compared to what ’ s on the box .
The Worst Buy Instagram account features hilarious fake products – 17 of the best/worst

Pics
For the determined prankster, what could be better than convincing the recipient of a gift – however briefly – that they’d been given one of the most ridiculous products ever invented?
Except these products haven’t really been invented – merely dreamt up and printed on empty boxes by the clever lot at Pranko
We particularly liked these 12.
1. Bacon-scented dryer sheets to give all your laundry that hint of breakfast
2. Ankle weights to stop your toddler running away
3. An anti-bacterial speaker for the toilet bowl
4. Safety first with a handy bike saddle seat belt
5. A filter to improve the smell of farts
6. Put all that earwax to good use
7. Walkies will be a thing of the past once your fur babies try out the pet swing
8. Never bother with a wallet again
9. Turn your cat into the next Pawcasso
10. Catch up on a few zeds with the nap sack
11. Put your pet’s paws to good use
12. Never be thirsty again
Finally, with cleanliness more important than ever, get into those nooks and crannies to banish the bugs
Warning: the actual gift may be a big disaapointment compared to what’s on the box.
READ MORE
The Worst Buy Instagram account features hilarious fake products – 17 of the best/worst
Source Pranko Image Pranko


thepoke--2020-12-20--29 scathing reactions to the government’s drastic u-turn on Christmas plans

Just three days after berating Keir Starmer for wanting to “ cancel Christmas ” , Boris Johnson appeared on TV to deliver the bad news that he was cancelling Christmas , for London and the South East , at least .
For everyone else , he was just ruining it .
In response to a fast-moving variant of Covid-19 , prevalent in SE England , the five-day relaxation of rules has been slashed to include just Christmas Day , while the SE won ’ t even have that , as it enters Tier 4 – which is lockdown in all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more than a week ahead of schedule , while Scotland closed its border to the rest of the UK .
Northern Ireland will lock down on Boxing Day , as planned .
Having confirmed the five-day Covid amnesty just days earler , the PM was forced to claim that the science had changed , although he wasn ’ t backed up on that by *checks notes* the scientists , who have been warning the government that mingling households would be a fatal error – literally .
Although many agreed the strict rules were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ last-minute nature of the decision came in for the most stinging criticism .
Reactions , on and off social media , contained a mixture of anger , relief and scorn .
Here are the best we saw on Twitter .

Twitter
Just three days after berating Keir Starmer for wanting to “cancel Christmas”, Boris Johnson appeared on TV to deliver the bad news that he was cancelling Christmas, for London and the South East, at least.
For everyone else, he was just ruining it.
Boris Johnson right now pic.twitter.com/u97jH3iiSS — Bethany Black ⚧ twitch.tv/beffernieblack (@BeffernieBlack) December 19, 2020
In response to a fast-moving variant of Covid-19, prevalent in SE England, the five-day relaxation of rules has been slashed to include just Christmas Day, while the SE won’t even have that, as it enters Tier 4 – which is lockdown in all but name.
My official Xmas card this year shows me wrecking everyone's Christmas Day#Tier4 #Covid19UK pic.twitter.com/392wN3onXo — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 19, 2020
Wales went into lockdown more than a week ahead of schedule, while Scotland closed its border to the rest of the UK. Northern Ireland will lock down on Boxing Day, as planned.
Having confirmed the five-day Covid amnesty just days earler, the PM was forced to claim that the science had changed, although he wasn’t backed up on that by *checks notes* the scientists, who have been warning the government that mingling households would be a fatal error – literally.
To be fair, he couldn't possibly have predicted the thing every scientist, and Keir Starmer, and everyone who looked at the figures and everyone in the medical profession predicted. — Mark Steel (@mrmarksteel) December 19, 2020
The science: *stays exactly the fucking same* UK Government: “You’ve changed, man.” —  Mary ChristMax  (@SpillerOfTea) December 19, 2020
Although many agreed the strict rules were necessary, the chopping and changing and last-minute nature of the decision came in for the most stinging criticism.
Reactions, on and off social media, contained a mixture of anger, relief and scorn. Here are the best we saw on Twitter.
1.
How long will it be before we discover that Johnson was told to lockdown again a week ago, but ignored the advice?#DailyCovidUpdate — I Am Incorrigible FCA (@ImIncorrigible) December 19, 2020
2.
I feel like the ‘new variant’ is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for yet more poor decisions and leadership here — Liam Thorp (@LiamThorpECHO) December 19, 2020
3.
Don’t blame this on a new strain. Scientists warned months ago there’d be a winter spike. Even a dick like me knew it’d be worse than spring. This is the fault of a PM who wanted to have saved Christmas, and ended up fucking it in the head. pic.twitter.com/SBSAhqsTXc — fleetstreetfox (@fleetstreetfox) December 19, 2020
4.
So how many members of the Cabinet will flee London and break the Xmas Tier 4 lockdown rules? My bet: all of them including the PM. — John Sweeney (@johnsweeneyroar) December 19, 2020
5.
gonna schedule this tweet to send every weekend now pic.twitter.com/ktffNjwDec — Abby Tomlinson (@twcuddleston) December 19, 2020
6.
TIER 4 PEOPLE: Worried that you might miss your opportunity to take part in a super spreader event and kill dozens of elderly people? Don’t worry. There are always church services. — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) December 19, 2020
7.
It's almost like the Christmas amnesty was reckless political jockeying, innit? — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) December 19, 2020
8.
“What did people tell you not to do?”
“Relax the rules over the Christmas period”
“What have you done instead?”
“Fucked up Christmas for everyone at the last minute” pic.twitter.com/g1u41fZJqk — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 19, 2020
9.
"We've relaxed the rules over Christmas by mistake" #covidbriefing pic.twitter.com/PFVYSNScVe — t h u m b s (@Thumbsuk) December 19, 2020
10.
"Step it up to Tier 4" pic.twitter.com/tbP9sIklQn — Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) December 19, 2020
11.
Cancelling Xmas 6 days before Xmas because you couldn’t face the pain of cancelling Xmas 10 days before Xmas. — Duncan Weldon (@DuncanWeldon) December 19, 2020
12.
This new strain sounds terrible, good job schools in the south east where it's at its worst weren't forced to carry on with onsite learning* til (checks notes) yesterday. *My son watched Christmas films & did a fun quiz in The Rona Pen — No Cheeses For Us Meeces (@Scriblit) December 19, 2020
13.
Johnson bingo:
1) “You know how much I hate to do something like this” (sic)
2) “Folks”
3) Horrifically inappropriate metaphor probably with smirk. — Mark Gatiss (@Markgatiss) December 19, 2020
14.
“Its my duty to take difficult decisions” says the idiot who avoids taking any decisions until the biggest possible mess has been created and then works out which outcome suits him best #dailybriefing — dave ❄ (@davemacladd) December 19, 2020
15.


thepoke--2020-12-21--There’s only one real contender for ‘Fox News Moment of the Year 2020’

Fox News must be licking its wounds by now , having championed Donald Trump for four years , only for @ @ @ @ @ and turn on them for reporting it .
But that hasn ’ t been their @ @ @ @ @ there was also this beautiful miscalculation .
The man they chose to interview about the @ @ @ @ @ the home of Los Angeles Mayor , Eric Garcetti – Andy Goodman – wasn ’ @ @ @ @ @ audience demographic , and that obviously wasn ’ t the response they ’ d have @ @ @ @ @ proud moment for one viewer .
Andy was overwhelmed when his reaction went viral .
@ @ @ @ @ ’ t ‘ vet the information ’ he reads out and it ’ s the @ @ @ @

Videos
Fox News must be licking its wounds by now, having championed Donald Trump for four years, only for him to lose the election and turn on them for reporting it.
But that hasn’t been their only problem this year – there was also this beautiful miscalculation.
Even Garcetti’s rich white neighbors get it more than he does. pic.twitter.com/jjZp9CEjLb — Unrig LA (@UnrigLA) June 3, 2020
“You have a nation that was built on stolen land, by slaves – those are …the original sins of this country.”
The man they chose to interview about the Black Lives Matter protests around the home of Los Angeles Mayor, Eric Garcetti – Andy Goodman – wasn’t from the Fox News audience demographic, and that obviously wasn’t the response they’d have liked.
fuck it he’s the new mayor https://t.co/nbW5mmsRkT — shawn wasabi (@shawnwasabi) June 3, 2020
She ain’t get the answer she was looking for lmao https://t.co/TII4FugExF — Edgar Momplaisir (@edgarmomplaisir) June 3, 2020
THIS IS WHITE PRIVILEGE USED RIGHT! https://t.co/UK5WPzVp36 — UwU Train#OUSTDUTERTENOW (@Skelehe4d) June 4, 2020
It was a proud moment for one viewer.
That’s my fucking Dad. While I wish this reporter was interviewing POC and not looking for soundbites from Boomers… That’s my fucking Dad. https://t.co/ovk10AThyP — Danl (@dj_danl) June 3, 2020
Andy was overwhelmed when his reaction went viral.
I am overwhelmed by all the affirmations for my comments to Fox News during the protest yesterday at the LA Mayor's residence. https://t.co/kj8AVdSMWh Please accept this as thanks for your kind, warm words, and please know I'm reading every one. Keep fighting the good fight. — Andy Goodman (@GoodmanCenter) June 3, 2020
One of 2020’s good guys.
READ MORE
Sean Hannity said he doesn’t ‘vet the information’ he reads out and it’s the ultimate Fox News self-own
Source @UnrigLA Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-21--A man turned his girlfriend’s sleep talking into artistic poems and it’s a stroke Pulitzer Prize wor

A man turned his girlfriend’s sleep talking into artistic poems and it’s a stroke Pulitzer Prize worthy genius

Inspiration can come from a myriad of places and can strike at any time , even while sleeping – however @ @ @ @ @ dreams of others… until now .
Over on Twitter , @ HarryIsLate shared some Rupi @ @ @ @ @ by his girlfriend ’ s sleeptalking .
If you ’ re unfamiliar with the poetic @ @ @ @ @ the Indian-born Canadian poet rose to fame online with her short visual poetry .
Stuff @ @ @ @ @ ’ s homages in all their glory : Others were inspired to share their own @ @ @ @ @ : Harry ’ s work was inspired by Twitter user @ reb_day , whose housemate @ @ @ @ @ ramblings into their own artistic masterpieces .
Who knows where inspiration will strike next ?

Twitter
Inspiration can come from a myriad of places and can strike at any time, even while sleeping – however, not usually from the dreams of others… until now.
Over on Twitter, @HarryIsLate shared some Rupi Kaur-esque poetry that was inspired by his girlfriend’s sleeptalking.
my girlfriend talks in her sleep. i've noted them down for weeks, and turned her dreams into rupi kaur poems. pic.twitter.com/Pv3dsflgXQ — Harry Mitchell (@HarryIsLate) December 19, 2020
If you’re unfamiliar with the poetic stylings of Rupi Kaur, the Indian-born Canadian poet rose to fame online with her short visual poetry. Stuff like this…
View this post on Instagram A post shared by rupi kaur (@rupikaur_)
Here are Harry’s homages in all their glory:
Others were inspired to share their own experiences with sleep talking partners:
My husband talks in his sleep too so I turn it into story boards using the most unattractive photos I have of him throughout our relationship. Never a dull moment 🤦🏼♀🤷🏼♀. pic.twitter.com/CPF40rK2Eg — P🦩🌻 (@paigeleaannex) December 20, 2020
My wife sat bolt upright in bed one night & pronounced with some indignation “you can’t call a cat Justin!!” and then just lay back down snoring. — Andy Page (@vonzipperuk) December 20, 2020
I do something similar with my girlfriend when she says something random that doesn’t make sense I find it cute and write it down to make art of later ☺ pic.twitter.com/L0UNZKWPOs — Crime fighting beaver (@MLG_Corgi) December 20, 2020
Harry’s work was inspired by Twitter user @reb_day, whose housemate turned her Grand Theft Auto ramblings into their own artistic masterpieces.
Oh MY GOD My housemate has just revealed to me that for the past MONTH he’s been taking notes of all the things I say to myself whilst playing GTA … and turning them into Rupi Kaur poems pic.twitter.com/gIEpTvTrEi — Reb Day (@reb_day) September 6, 2020
Who knows where inspiration will strike next?
READ MORE
Sports commentator Nick Heath’s hilarious commentaries on ‘everyday life’ were simply fabulous
Source: @HarryIsLate


thepoke--2020-12-21--Sports commentator Nick Heath’s hilarious commentaries on ‘everyday life’ were simply fabulous

It seems like a long time ago – much longer than nine months , frankly – when sports commentator Nick @ @ @ @ @ start of the lockdown .
In the absence of any live sport back then , @ @ @ @ @ on everyday stuff that he saw out and about and shared the videos on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ lockdown highlight and if you didn ’ t see any of these you ’ re @ @ @ @ @ And if you did , well enjoy them again , because they ’ re brilliant @ @ @ @ @ from Nick .
You can follow Nick over on Twitter here and find him on @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s got a book too , Cocktails and Quiztales by Nick Heath and @ @ @ @ @ Andrew Cotter ’ s hilarious Olive and Mabel videos were a 2020 highlight – 11 @ @ @

Sport
It seems like a long time ago – much longer than nine months, frankly – when sports commentator Nick Heath did this at the start of the lockdown.
In the absence of any live sport back then, Nick offered up some commentary on everyday stuff that he saw out and about and shared the videos on Twitter.
It was an early lockdown highlight and if you didn’t see any of these you’re in for a treat. And if you did, well enjoy them again, because they’re brilliant.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Find A Brunette A Seat With The Blonde Girls Qualifier.#LiveCommentary #LifeCommentary Getting tenuous now. pic.twitter.com/XEyrvBxPIR — Nick Heath (@nickheathsport) March 18, 2020
8.
There was this PS from Nick.
Glad I've entertained a few this arvo with my old Barry-Davies-cum-Alan-Partridge commentary style larfs. I do try and do it properly most of the time. Fond memories of calling the game of the @Womens6Nations when the world was a very different place. https://t.co/1BQABbTnNb — Nick Heath (@nickheathsport) March 17, 2020
You can follow Nick over on Twitter here and find him on YouTube over here.
And he’s got a book too, Cocktails and Quiztales by Nick Heath and the #NicksPubQuiz crew.
READ MORE
Andrew Cotter’s hilarious Olive and Mabel videos were a 2020 highlight – 11 of the best
Source @nickheathsport


thepoke--2020-12-21--21 of the best – or worst – suggestions for higher-tier coronavirus restrictions

With the unexpected introduction of Tier 4 to the ‘ three-tier system ’ , people have been wondering what other @ @ @ @ @ keeping up its sleeve – and what they might mean in real terms .
We @ @ @ @ @ so far .

Twitter
With the unexpected introduction of Tier 4 to the ‘three-tier system’, people have been wondering what other tiers the government might be keeping up its sleeve – and what they might mean in real terms.
We’ve collected the best so far.
1.
In Tier 5 they beam the Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special directly into your brain — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 19, 2020
2.
Wait until you see Tier 5 pic.twitter.com/XaWdyEpuE7 — Pete Firman (@petefirman) December 19, 2020
3.
Tier 8: you’re forced to watch the full 90 mins of Sheffield Wednesday 6 Leeds 0 on repeat #lufc — Jonny Chick (@jonnychick__) December 19, 2020
4.
tier 7 – public execution on London Bridge for anyone who takes their bins out — kusuo saiki (@teemiills) December 19, 2020
5.
6.
If we go into tier 5 everybody has to be wrapped in clingfilm. At last. Some good news. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) December 20, 2020
7.
tier 7: the government personally tie your shoe laces together so you can’t walk anywhere — lewys (@lookingforlewys) December 19, 2020
8.
Tier 5 will be when Police sleep inside your house — Kam #8🏁 (@Culturecams) December 19, 2020
9.
tier 9: humans are no longer allowed to own bodies pic.twitter.com/uyl7IeBnu1 — zach (@xyzachh) December 19, 2020
10.
tier 7 ur not allowed to open ur eyes only one of them if ur eating but it has to be a substantial meal — LK (@lyra1k) December 19, 2020
11.


thepoke--2020-12-21--Twitter’s new alert on Donald Trump’s tweets is making them so much more enjoyable

It ’ s been a while now since Twitter has been adding a cautionary note to Donald Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ you know , he ’ s probably making it up .
Except now they ’ @ @ @ @ @ notch and it ’ s even more satisfying/humiliating ( depending on where you are coming @ @ @ @ @ settled for ‘ This claim about election fraud is disputed , ’ as you might @ @ @ @ @ re doing this .

Pics
It’s been a while now since Twitter has been adding a cautionary note to Donald Trump’s tweets informing readers that, you know, he’s probably making it up.
Except now they’ve raised it up a notch and it’s even more satisfying/humiliating (depending on where you are coming from).
Previously they settled for ‘This claim about election fraud is disputed,’ as you might remember. Now they’re doing this.
The lie of the year is that Joe Biden won! Christina Bobb @OANN — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2020
.@senatemajldr and Republican Senators have to get tougher, or you won’t have a Republican Party anymore. We won the Presidential Election, by a lot. FIGHT FOR IT. Don’t let them take it away! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 18, 2020
He didn’t win the Election. He lost all 6 Swing States, by a lot. They then dumped hundreds of thousands of votes in each one, and got caught. Now Republican politicians have to fight so that their great victory is not stolen. Don’t be weak fools! https://t.co/d9Bgu8XPIj — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 19, 2020
That’s better.
READ MORE
Simply 17 glorious times Mark Hamill totally owned Donald Trump
H/T Indy100


thepoke--2020-12-21--Simply 17 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Tinder this year

Here are 17 of our favourite exchanges on Tinder from the last 12 months , as shared on the subReddit @ @ @ @ @ .
3 .
‘ You get what you deserve ’ 4 .
‘ Needless to @ @ @ @ @ ’ 5 .
‘ She doesn ’ t speak English and I ’ m 90 @ @ @ @ @ is a google translation of sugar daddy and I can ’ t stop laughing ’ @ @ @ @ @ go too far ?
No , surely not ’ 9 .
‘ Wanted to try @ @ @ @ @ seemed simple and fun … apparently I was wrong ’

Best Of
Here are 17 of our favourite exchanges on Tinder, as shared on the subReddit ‘everything about Tinder’.
1. ‘Kachow’
(via)
2. ‘I made a Tinder funny, how’d I do?’
(via)
3. ‘You get what you deserve’
(via)
4. ‘Needless to say, she unmatched me’
(via)
5. ‘She doesn’t speak English and I’m 90% sure that last line is a google translation of sugar daddy and I can’t stop laughing’
(via)
6. ‘Did I go too far? No, surely not’
(via)
7. ‘Dammit Karen!’
(via)
8. ‘She didn’t like my response …’
(via)
9. ‘Wanted to try this one out because it seemed simple and fun … apparently I was wrong’
(via)


thepoke--2020-12-21--This giant xylophone that plays a Bach cantata when a ball rolls across it is the antidote to everyt

This giant xylophone that plays a Bach cantata when a ball rolls across it is the antidote to everything

Just about everything is awful right now – apart from Bill and Oti winning Strictly – so anything that dials @ @ @ @ @ is welcome .
This tweet from Scott Kerr definitely has possibilities .
The xylophone works @ @ @ @ @ as a musical box and plays Bach ’ s Cantata 147 , known as ‘ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Desiring ‘ .
With more than four and a half million views in @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s safe to say that people found the clip engaging , sharing it @ @ @ @ @ posting reactions like these : Okay , not everyone thought it was amazing .
The @ @ @ @ @ art installation or a tourist attraction , but the focus of a mobile phone advertisement @ @ @ @ @ magical than we first thought , but still … If you fancy seeing how they @ @ @ @ @ can do that here .
Here ’ s a relaxing 3 hour video of a @ @ @ @ @ all a bit too much

Videos
Just about everything is awful right now – apart from Bill and Oti winning Strictly – so anything that dials down the stress a notch is welcome.
This tweet from Scott Kerr definitely has possibilities.
Enormous xylophone in the woods of Kyushu, Japan plays a Bach tune when a wooden ball rolls down each "key." An impressive piece of engineering. pic.twitter.com/fE0VocHGAy — Scott Kerr (@scott_kerr) December 19, 2020
The xylophone works in much the same fashion as a musical box and plays Bach’s Cantata 147, known as ‘Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring‘.
With more than four and a half million views in less than two days, it’s safe to say that people found the clip engaging, sharing it more than 45,000 times and posting reactions like these:
Humans can still do this… How beautiful and inspiring a feat of both engineering and meditative wonder… https://t.co/syeUCqziDl — Nitin Sawhney (@thenitinsawhney) December 20, 2020
On repeat until the new year. ✨ https://t.co/JY971LnymV — dan levy (@danjlevy) December 20, 2020
This is wonderful! Ya gotta listen to it: https://t.co/SqzFe0eJk7 — Laurence Tribe (@tribelaw) December 20, 2020
The reminder we need that humans can do amazing things. This is beautiful and an amazing feat of engineering … and somehow mesmerising. — Sarah Jordan (@sarahbjordan) December 20, 2020
Okay, not everyone thought it was amazing.
You cannae get fucking peace and quiet anywhere. https://t.co/TmCeRurz5Q — Limmy (@DaftLimmy) December 20, 2020
The xylophone wasn’t an art installation or a tourist attraction, but the focus of a mobile phone advertisement.
It may be less magical than we first thought, but still …
Watching this is the loveliest minute you can spend today. https://t.co/zayWcFoqOb — Joanne Harris (@Joannechocolat) December 20, 2020
If you fancy seeing how they created the xylophone, you can do that here.
READ MORE
Here’s a relaxing 3 hour video of a tropical beach if today is all a bit too much
Source Scott Kerr Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-21--The 50 most important cat tweets of the year

We ’ ve scoured Twitter for the most important cat tweets 0f 2020 and narrowed them down to 50 of @ @ @ @ @ them out and maybe give some of the people who shared them a follow .
@ @ @ @ @ most important cat tweets of the year… The 25 funniest Scottish tweets of the year

Twitter
We’ve scoured Twitter for the most important cat tweets 0f 2020 and narrowed them down to 50 of the very best. Check them out and maybe give some of the people who shared them a follow.
Here they are, the most important cat tweets of the year…
1.
obsessed w these pics of my cat trying to eat fake grass pic.twitter.com/CsupUgV99B — cryoflower (@cryoflower) October 6, 2020
2.
THEY ARE SITTING WATCHING THE STORM LIKE THIS?????????
I have perished pic.twitter.com/vmoPj2vjGL — emma patricia (@_ewmma) July 11, 2020
3.
Made the bed, kept cleaning the apartment, realized I hadn’t seen the cat for a little bit and found him like this pic.twitter.com/ohB7CkmYcM — Dani Balenson (@dlbee_) February 16, 2020
4.
oh to be a cat sun bathing on a cart of books pic.twitter.com/Lbgzj6k9bW — mak (@pradarchives) May 15, 2020
5.
My cat just brought home a sword pic.twitter.com/uuOxHLMa0M — Katie (@ZiziFothSi) October 28, 2020
6.
7.
Just accidentally spilled my cat’s food all over the floor and his reaction was…. a lot 😂 pic.twitter.com/xguYNF61qd — Kelly-Leigh Cooper (@kl_coop) October 5, 2020
8.
HE CHARGING UP FOR HIS SPECIAL ATTAC pic.twitter.com/gyWwusHfxh — rico (@dumbricardo) October 8, 2020
9.
https://twitter.com/Matarael/status/1299973902643339266
10.
You guys, my black cat accidentally rolled in sidewalk chalk. pic.twitter.com/0HB0Hjb8v6 — Ian Dorsch (@IanDorsch) April 13, 2020
11.
12.
Nearly had a heart attack. pic.twitter.com/oWFb9kT8hB — i drink good (@aleashuhh) October 6, 2020
13.
https://twitter.com/inalemontree/status/1305365793291612160
14.
what if we kissed…. in the goth-o-lantern bucket……haha just kidding…… unless? pic.twitter.com/N1jRGFulAB — anisha (@bunniexblood) September 11, 2020
15.
My mom and her cat Hobbes! He just likes sleepin like that pic.twitter.com/LJY2Tf7ZRQ — Olivia Chin Mueller (@ocmillustration) February 16, 2020
16.
17.
I present to you the savoir of the timeline pic.twitter.com/QaBv7z4phb — T (@Tariqkader_) July 31, 2020
18.
Fridge sign of the day. pic.twitter.com/cTMdwgUrgq — Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) April 26, 2020
19.
why did I find my cat hanging out with a snake? neither harmed- just basking together pic.twitter.com/dvTRHF1Wiy — ditch pony (@molly7anne) April 30, 2020
20.
please look at this picture of my friend’s cat who had to get shaved for surgery pic.twitter.com/RZNPUyXJZX — Ash♀ (@trashlyn_) September 15, 2020
21.
i seë ur i alsö enjoy eating chickën eäting chicken pic.twitter.com/RSmHKhi753 — pluto (@littleplutoboy) February 26, 2020
22.
23.
24.
Today in find the cat pic.twitter.com/P6soGOv8k1 — Kate Hinds (@katehinds) June 7, 2020
25.


thepoke--2020-12-21--Simply 17 times Countdown’s Susie Dent’s ‘word of the day’ perfectly captured 2020

Over on Twitter , Countdown ’ s Susie Dent has a brilliant knack for capturing the national mood with her @ @ @ @ @ ’ .
It ’ s not always clear … actually it is always clear who @ @ @ @ @ Dictionary Corner is talking about , and here are 17 of the best from the @ @ @ @ @ 2020 .

Best Of
Over on Twitter, Countdown’s Susie Dent has a brilliant knack for capturing the national mood with her ‘word of the day’.
It’s not always clear … actually it is always clear who or what the doyen of Dictionary Corner is talking about, and here are 17 of the best from the 12 months that has been 2020.
1.
It’s that time again. A mumpsimus (16th century) is someone who refuses to budge/insists that they are right, despite clear evidence that they are wrong. Plural: mumpsimuses. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) May 25, 2020
2.
Word of the Day is 'snollygoster' (19th century, US): one who abandons all integrity in favour of power. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) November 23, 2020
3.
Word of the day is ‘malversation’ (16th century). Simply put, it means ‘corruption in public office’. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) August 15, 2020
4.
Word of the day is ‘bloviator’ (19th century): a speaker of empty rhetoric and blower of hot air; someone who talks a lot but says very little. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) May 29, 2020
5.
Word of the day (on repeat) is the 17th-century ‘latibulate’: to hide oneself in a corner in an attempt to avoid reality. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) December 20, 2020
6.
Word of the day is ‘pinchfart’ (16th century): a miser; one who withholds money to the detriment of others. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) October 25, 2020
7.
Word of the day is 'catchfart' (17th century): one who slavishly follows behind their boss and who blows with the political wind. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) November 13, 2020
8.
smellfungus (18th century): a grumbler, faultfinder, or one who likes to shift the blame for their own mistakes onto someone else. — Susie Dent (@susie_dent) July 7, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-12-21--Simply 17 glorious times Mark Hamill totally owned Donald Trump

Mark Hamill is many things to many people .
He ’ s Luke Skywalker to a lot of them , @ @ @ @ @ is also fast becoming Donald Trump ’ s tormentor-in-chief on Twitter .
As the so-called @ @ @ @ @ accept he lost to Joe Biden – bigly – Hamill ’ s perfectly worded comebacks @ @ @ @ @ .
And here are 17 of the very best .

Best Of
Mark Hamill is many things to many people. He’s Luke Skywalker to a lot of them, for instance.
But he is also fast becoming Donald Trump’s tormentor-in-chief on Twitter. As the so-called president continues to refuse to accept he lost to Joe Biden – bigly – Hamill’s perfectly worded comebacks have been a constant delight.
And here are 17 of the very best.
1.
YOU WON AN EJECTION! https://t.co/dR8kAN1Ayn — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) November 16, 2020
2.
Fear The Walking Dead https://t.co/pccmZ4kU09 — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) November 9, 2020
3.
4.
Congratulations, sir! This dignified, statesman-like tweet is the perfect way to counter the book's narrative that you're an impulsive, childish dimwit. https://t.co/VW1uzqu5pr — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) January 6, 2018
5.
6.
Stand by for lawsuit alleging the magazine's selection process was fraudulent and rigged.#TimeLoser_tRUMP pic.twitter.com/SupLLMUh75 — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) December 11, 2020
7.
Maybe if you behave yourself, stop lying to undermine a fair election & start thinking of what's good for the country instead of whining about how unfairly you are treated, you'll be invited to sit at the big boy's table. #DiaperDon pic.twitter.com/nnNOoOI1gl — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) November 27, 2020
8.
9.


thepoke--2020-12-21--The 9 funniest takes on how the new Christmas Covid rules will affect Chris Rea

When the news broke that large parts of the South East would be in a kind of lockdown for Christmas @ @ @ @ @ the UK was having its five-day festivities reduced to one , the thoughts of Twitter @ @ @ @ @ .
The singer , whose hit song ‘ Driving Home for Christmas ’ dominates the @ @ @ @ @ no comment to make , but these reactions did it for him .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ for Chris , however .
Because it ’ s Christmas and everything ’ s a @ @ @ @ @ s the man himself .
Bob Mortimer ’ s story about Chris Rea and an @ @ @ @ @ Would I Lie To You ?
’ s best moment

Twitter
When the news broke that large parts of the South East would be in a kind of lockdown for Christmas, while the rest of the UK was having its five-day festivities reduced to one, the thoughts of Twitter turned selflessly to Chris Rea.
The singer, whose hit song ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ dominates the airwaves every December, had no comment to make, but these reactions did it for him.
1.
Chris Rea's full name is Christmas Rearrangements. — cluedont (@cluedont) December 19, 2020
2.
Chris Rea right now pic.twitter.com/rcUb9C86Gw — Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) December 19, 2020
3.
I’ve just seen Chris Rea doing a u-turn on the A1. — Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) December 19, 2020
4.
Good old Chris Rea 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/4nTMoAaExI — Kev Stockwell (Stocky) (@Stocky_1984) December 19, 2020
5.
Chris Rea’s Christmas song is now a criminal offence. — #MarcherClaus (@MarcherLord1) December 19, 2020
6.
Chris Rea right now: pic.twitter.com/81mD932m8h — Bacardi Oakheart (@Midgetgems26) December 19, 2020
7.
8.
Live pictures from outside Chris Rea's London residence. pic.twitter.com/gHDI9jIoRj — Chris West (@ChrisWest179) December 19, 2020
9.
Chris Rea on the phone. Very frustrated. — Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) December 20, 2020
It’s not all bad news for Chris, however.
Despite having had ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ banned, Chris Rea is still expected to be No 1 at Christmas with 2020 version of ‘Road to Hell.’ Covid-19: Dover port halts traffic to France for 48 hours – BBC News https://t.co/6lyCRRIq9i — St Martin’s Challenge (@Martin2018St) December 21, 2020
Because it’s Christmas and everything’s a bit rubbish – here’s the man himself.
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s story about Chris Rea and an egg in the bath is Would I Lie To You?’s best moment
Source Twitter Image Screengrab, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-21--These kids laughing at a comedy fart during their class Zoom is just fabulous

This clip of a kid ’ s comedy fart during a Zoom class went viral because , well , have @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s not just the fart ( well , it is ) it ’ @ @ @ @ @ of the kids and their teacher .
Here goes … Don ’ t try to @ @ @ @ @ going to watch it again .
And just three of the things people were saying @ @ @ @ @ was an important PS , reports the Wichita Eagle ( not a phrase we heard @ @ @ @ @ a prank by the teacher , Emma Ginder , a third grade teacher in Kansas @ @ @ @ @ she said on Facebook .
“ Some days you just have to play a toot @ @ @ @ @ the mood .
Way too good not to share .
Also , I apologise for @ @ @ @ @ 8-year-old boy.
” Andrew Cotter ’ s hilarious videos with his dogs Olive and Mabel @ @ @ @ @ 11 of the best

Videos
This clip of a kid’s comedy fart during a Zoom class went viral because, well, have a watch for yourself.
It’s not just the fart (well, it is) it’s also the brilliant reaction of the kids and their teacher. Here goes …
A huge fart during a kids class Zoom and the whole class, and teacher, finding it hilarious is the joy we all needed. pic.twitter.com/mQVkKi5w8C — Henry Fraser (@henryfraser0) December 20, 2020
Don’t try to pretend you’re not going to watch it again. And just three of the things people were saying about it.
Their laughter is exactly what I needed today 😂 — RedsKitchnDiaries (@KitchnReds) December 20, 2020
Joy is important https://t.co/9VYL1C3ldL — Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) December 20, 2020
Nike shirt kid is having his best day ever 😂 — NoGenderJules☯♌♎♐⭐🦎 (@teebodiesel) December 20, 2020
And there was an important PS, reports the Wichita Eagle (not a phrase we heard today).
It was a prank by the teacher, Emma Ginder, a third grade teacher in Kansas. Here’s what she said on Facebook.
“Some days you just have to play a toot sound during class to lighten the mood. Way too good not to share. Also, I apologise for having the maturity of an 8-year-old boy.”
READ MORE
Andrew Cotter’s hilarious videos with his dogs Olive and Mabel are a total delight – 11 of the best
Source Twitter @henryfraser0 @Dyslexic_aDve


thepoke--2020-12-21--A Chinese journalist’s takedown of Nigel Farage’s racism was an epic burn

You could be forgiven for failing to keep up with every twist of the news over the weekend , with @ @ @ @ @ s Christmas plans taking centre stage for just a day before the closure of continental @ @ @ @ @ it .
Before he used that as an excuse to complain about the French , @ @ @ @ @ Nigel Farage , was taking a swipe at China .
Twitter wasn ’ t prepared @ @ @ @ @ with spurious claims or casual racism , and these clapbacks were particularly enjoyable .
However @ @ @ @ @ target of Farage ’ s bitter outburst , it seems only fair to give a @ @ @ @ @ – the Washington correspondent of China Daily – the last word , which , as @ @ @ @ @ epic takedown .
Johnny Marr had no time for Nigel Farage ’ s nonsense – @ @ @ @ @ perfect

Twitter
You could be forgiven for failing to keep up with every twist of the news over the weekend, with the decimation of people’s Christmas plans taking centre stage for just a day before the closure of continental borders to British traffic eclipsed it.
Before he used that as an excuse to complain about the French, seven-time general election loser, Nigel Farage, was taking a swipe at China.
Twitter wasn’t prepared to let him get away with spurious claims or casual racism, and these clapbacks were particularly enjoyable.
1.
2.
I’m unclear how this stops you from your traditional sitting around and pondering your bleak existence https://t.co/ifWOzAba98 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 19, 2020
3.
500,000 have lost their jobs and 67 million have lost their freedom of movement . Thank you Nigel https://t.co/wDSQgEASqc — terry christian (@terrychristian) December 20, 2020
4.
Me after my free iPhone on wish doesn't arrive https://t.co/2QOPuxVIkc — Dan (@VivaLaChadwick0) December 19, 2020
5.
A deadly virus mutation from Kent that devastated the UK, speaks. https://t.co/tbnns7ntOT — Jon Butterworth (@jonmbutterworth) December 19, 2020
6.
If by China you mean the failure of the UK in containing the virus due to years of austerity and political service to private corporations rather than human need, then sure. What cancelled christmas is the grossly unequal and selfish system dominating the West, no one else https://t.co/v0UNOjCg5g — Danny Haiphong (@SpiritofHo) December 19, 2020
7.
At least they can't blame it on the Muslims this time. https://t.co/XLXgGmrBYq — Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) December 19, 2020
8.
Be comforted by the fact that they're going to name a truck park after you #FarageGarage — Con O'Neill (@cononeilluk) December 19, 2020
9.
Britain's reputation for fairness, civility, tolerance, openness, intelligence, diplomacy, honesty & decency cancelled. Thank you, Farage, you selfish, divisive, jingoistic, xenophobic knob. https://t.co/75Cc06p1ik — GET A GRIP (@docrussjackson) December 19, 2020
10.
didn't this man travel to america under false pretences just to witness what he thought would be trump's win??? https://t.co/V1deiw6CqE — peas stan account (@loudnaijagirl) December 19, 2020
11.
China has got the virus under control. the Tories that you allowed into power, haven't. — Pointless Brexit 🇪🇺 (@PointlessBrexit) December 19, 2020
However, as China was the target of Farage’s bitter outburst, it seems only fair to give a Chinese person, Chen Weihua – the Washington correspondent of China Daily – the last word, which, as it happens, was an epic takedown.
READ MORE
Johnny Marr had no time for Nigel Farage’s nonsense – and the putdown was note perfect
Source Chen Weihua Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-12-21--The world has pulled up the drawbridge against the UK and its Covid variant – 15 favourite responses

Just a day after the new variant of Covid-19 that is spreading through the South East was blamed for all @ @ @ @ @ ’ s managed to do what many Brexiters had on their wish lists – closed @ @ @ @ @ .
It wasn ’ t just France pulling up the drawbridge , however .
Krishnan @ @ @ @ @ of the UK ’ s current situation .
Needless to say , tweeters had a @ @ @ @ @ it .

News
Just a day after the new variant of Covid-19 that is spreading through the South East was blamed for all but cancelling Christmas, it’s managed to do what many Brexiters had on their wish lists – closed the UK’s borders.
Port of Dover closed to traffic leaving the UK "until further notice" due to border restrictions in France, over Covid concerns, authorities sayhttps://t.co/xdlTOJmnJf — BBC Breaking News (@BBCBreaking) December 20, 2020
It wasn’t just France pulling up the drawbridge, however.
New UK transport restrictions of some sort in place in: 🇫🇷
🇩🇪
🇮🇹
🇧🇪
🇦🇹
🇮🇪
🇳🇱
🇸🇪
🇪🇪
🇱🇹
🇧🇬
🇸🇻
🇰🇼
🇹🇷
🇨🇭
🇵🇹
🇷🇴
🇨🇿 Test results required 🇪🇸 Reminder: From January 1st UK nationals will also face extra restrictions to enter the EU until the pandemic is over. — Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) December 20, 2020
Krishnan Guru-Murthy gave this stark overview of the UK’s current situation.
New strain of COVID could be 70% more transmissible, Hancock hinting at months of lockdown, not clear if schools will return, British traffic cut off from Europe, No Deal days away – and MPs have broken up for Xmas, which has been cancelled. Make sense of that in a democracy. — Krishnan Guru-Murthy (@krishgm) December 20, 2020
Needless to say, tweeters had a few things to say about it.
1.
they’re gonna call us corona island 🙁 — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) December 20, 2020
2.
The joke’s on the rest of the world, because we’d already had a vote to not allow ourselves to go anywhere anyway. — Rich Neville (@RichNeville) December 20, 2020
3.
Now that Dover is closed, the rest of Europe has cut us off and we are facing imminent food shortages, we have the EU exactly where we want them.#Brexit#BorisFailedBritain — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 20, 2020
4.
LITERALLY TRAPPED ON BREXIT ISLAND 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 — Carole Cadwalladr (@carolecadwalla) December 20, 2020
5.
Brexiters whining about EU countries wanting to close their borders pic.twitter.com/e3ICCIQNhI — James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 20, 2020
6.
Narrator: “And that’s how some of us found out that EU countries had control of their borders all along…” pic.twitter.com/JJtwY6s6bh — The Media Tweets (@TheMediaTweets) December 20, 2020
7.
If irony was an island… — Hugh Bonneville (@hughbon) December 20, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-12-21--Our 100 favourite funny tweets of 2020

Our 100 favourite funny tweets of 2020

2020 may have been a terrible year , but that hasn ’ t stopped the funny lot on Twitter coming @ @ @ @ @ after week .
We trawled through their finest moments and collected 100 we thought you @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
2020 may have been a terrible year, but that hasn’t stopped the funny lot on Twitter coming up with the goods week after week.
We trawled through their finest moments and collected 100 we thought you’d hate to miss.
1.
we don’t talk about the fact that c3po essentially wears a crop top nearly enough as we should pic.twitter.com/pwbNdyZ3iZ — Emma Bolden (@emmabo) January 1, 2020
2.
Tables have turned now haven't they, Lee, who said my nose was too big at school and now wants me to crowdfund his shed on Facebook — Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) January 1, 2020
3.
In all my years on this planet, if I've learnt anything at all, if I can pass anything useful to the rest of humanity, it's this: Don't buy a touch lamp if you have a cat. — Holly Brockwell (@holly) January 6, 2020
4.
It's really weird that we always pronounce it as though they're preachers from Manic Street, and not as though they're street preachers who are manic — Steven Chicken (@StevenChicken) January 9, 2020
5.
watching The Masked Singer with my dad and he goes “I think it’s Madonna” yeah Ray it’s definitely the world’s best selling female artist of all time with a net worth of $600 million singing on ITV at 7pm on a Saturday night dressed as a hench yellow duck — joe (@jxeker) January 4, 2020
6.
7.
REPORTER: So you have multiple inventions that defy the laws of physics. Potentially changing the entire world, as well as our understanding of it. What will you do with them? WILLY WONKA: *Lips on mic* Keep them secret and use them to make candy. — MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 15, 2020
8.
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum Tony the Tiger: they're fine — Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
9.
WIFE: you’ll be ok?
ME: please don’t worry
WIFE: ok I'll be back in 2 days
ME: have fun! [few minutes later]
WIFE: I forgot my ke—OHMYGOD [I’m topless and holding a conch. the coffee table is ablaze. the kids feast on the dog's remains] — Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) January 20, 2020
10.
What's the warmest thickness of tights? Climate change denier. — Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) January 21, 2020
11.
12.
Wow I love Enya pic.twitter.com/xnCZKxW9Qt — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 23, 2020
13.
A sourdough starter is a tamagotchi for people in their 30s — Louise O'Connor (@oconnola) January 29, 2020
14.
15.
It's happened. Daytime television has run out of things to talk about. pic.twitter.com/zGtefv4Tbq — Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) February 4, 2020
16.
Piers Morgan when he hears about a new vegan product the country needs to know his thoughts on. pic.twitter.com/b4Xm3JwAtp — Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) February 5, 2020
17.
I prefer the term busy professional, thank you. pic.twitter.com/mGTVBIhKlk — Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 12, 2020
18.
My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away — That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020
19.
Im not a fan of these vegan Burritos 👎 pic.twitter.com/PdgY16YdR5 — Clare.O (@ArrivedInGenX) February 12, 2020
20.
No horror film scares me like when I’m on my phone next to my sleeping wife and accidentally click onto a loud video. — Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) February 19, 2020
21.
Sometimes I think I’ve got my shit together and then I remember we still only have a cheese grater I won in a cracker pic.twitter.com/bmiOxZLZU5 — Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) February 20, 2020
22.
It seems my mother-in-law’s oven comes with VAR. Now every time she cooks a chicken I’m going to check for a fowl. pic.twitter.com/sPwb9XUxOp — Ivor Baddiel (@Ivorbaddiel) February 17, 2020
23.
24.
morpheus: take the blue pill AND the red pill and i'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes me: they both taste exactly the same morpheus: *waving skittles packet* RIGHT? me: OH MY GOD — Red's Surreal Vehicle (@surrealvehicle) February 20, 2020
25.
26.
[product design meeting:] as we all know, women only ever need handbags to either carry one single pen or seventeen melons, — Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) March 1, 2020
27.
Seems a perfectly reasonable justification for my forthcoming killing spree. pic.twitter.com/son1CkjNhq — Jason Hazeley (@JasonHazeley) March 1, 2020
28.
ME: I’m like a bird, I’ll NELLY FURTADO: only fly away ME: *scribbling out ‘shit on your car’* Yeah, that’s probably better. — FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) March 7, 2020
29.
When your Nan gets her Vajazzle pic.twitter.com/BxiMfl4Y1q — Sarah (@idlewildgirl) March 7, 2020
30.
the hanks family are a compelling case study for nominative determinism. if you call your kid colin, you’re getting a colin. and if you call your kid chet, you’re getting a chet. pic.twitter.com/VAJ10htmaW — Daisy Bard (@DaisyBard) March 13, 2020
31.
Rest of the world: a single tap which mixes hot and cold water UK: what about one freezing cold water tap and one scalding hot water tap? And a sign saying "caution – hot water"? — Pessimus Prime – Santa edition (@BigJDubz) March 16, 2020
32.
This is fake duck. It’s lucky it wasn’t named by the people who called fake bacon ‘facon’. pic.twitter.com/Bf0983KSVz — Mooseltoe Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) March 21, 2020
33.
So, Lisa, you lead a glamorous showbiz life. How is that? Thanks for asking, Dermot. This morning I threw my shoulder out trying to take a picture of the bottom of my foot because I'm worried I've got a verruca and then cried because my yogurt has gone mouldy. I'm truly blessed. — Twas the night before Holdsworth… (@WorksWithWords) April 2, 2020
34.
Thinking about watching #SlidingDoors on BBC1. Though I’m worried about the consequences if I don’t. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 3, 2020
35.
Told my mum she was the best mum in the world this morning and she goes ‘well what about my mum?’ so now I’m sat here having to slag off gran to save an argument — Chloe Petts (@ChloePetts) April 5, 2020
36.
THE COCKEREL: Nature's way of telling us that it's perfectly acceptable to start screaming the moment you wake up. pic.twitter.com/ndu4b452p2 — Geraint (@geraintgriffith) April 5, 2020
37.
Emmanuel Macron gets ready to scare Fiona Bruce when she turns around. pic.twitter.com/Pchy7l3tUT — Ira Rainey (@IraRainey) April 13, 2020
38.
[guy about to invent magic 8-ball] *kicking a ball* i could really use some vague advice — Kayleecious🍧 (@TweetsByKaylee) April 21, 2020
39.
I’m locked out of my dogs Facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won’t let me back in unless I send over a copy of his drivers license — soccerbabe2003, M.S. (@realemilyloud) April 26, 2020
40.
The cat definitely wrote the headline and subheadhttps://t.co/0rzSWA6g4y pic.twitter.com/atBMh92n1E — Daniel MacEachern (@DanMacEachern) April 29, 2020
41.
I’ve invented a new word.
Plagiarism. — Gemma (@GemmaandDoc) May 2, 2020
42.
Read a press release from Heinz saying "We will NEVER make a Bolognese version of Alphabetti Spaghetti" – I thought blimey they don't mince their words. — Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 4, 2020
43.
Sorry, it’s absolutely mad that all the Von Trapp children have the same bedtime. No wonder the sixteen-year-old is sneaking out to sing with nazi postmen. — Hannah Duncombe (@HannahDuncombe) May 3, 2020
44.
Glad the dog was up this morning to take my delivery in… 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/r6XNndFv5G — Tom Davies 🇬🇧 (@Tom_D98) May 12, 2020
45.
Cookie Monster has forward facing eyes mounted high upon his head. This suggests Cookie Monster is a submerged, ambush predator. Just something to consider. — SwiggitySwooty DocWolvy Gonna Medicate That Booty (@Doc_Wolverine) May 12, 2020
46.
lots of people think helicopter is made up of 'heli' and 'copter' but in fact it's from the greek 'helico' ('whirly') and 'pter' ('bastard') — joe (@mutablejoe) May 17, 2020
47.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You smell of bins. — GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) May 22, 2020
48.
Looks like the horse has learnt to make signs. Your move, alpacas. pic.twitter.com/IIrYfsiKbq — John Finnemore (@JohnFinnemore) May 25, 2020
49.
Holy shit, Icke was right. pic.twitter.com/0x88dq9bFx — Wee Potatoes (@WeePotatoes) June 13, 2020
50.