thepoke--2020-01-28--The only 7 reactions you need to Prince Andrew’s failure to contact the FBI

Despite assuring Emily Maitlis that he was fully prepared to cooperate with the FBI in their investigation of his sex-trafficking @ @ @ @ @ Prince Andrew has yet to respond to their requests for an interview .
Perhaps his @ @ @ @ @ dry they won ’ t activate his touch-screen to email them back .
Who knows @ @ @ @ @ lot about Prince Andrew ’ s standing with the public .

News
Despite assuring Emily Maitlis that he was fully prepared to cooperate with the FBI in their investigation of his sex-trafficking friend, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew has yet to respond to their requests for an interview.
Perhaps his sweat-free hands are so paper dry they won’t activate his touch-screen to email them back. Who knows?
Prince Andrew refuses to comply with Jeffrey Epstein sex abuse investigation, US officials say https://t.co/tbAhSJQmCy — The Independent (@Independent) January 27, 2020
These reactions say a lot about Prince Andrew’s standing with the public.
1.
Wondering if maybe it’s because he was shot at in The Falklands that Prince Andrew is now physically incapable of speaking to the FBI. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 28, 2020
2.
Prince Andrew’s ignoring the FBI but sure, let’s keep going after the royal couple who accepted a free flight on a friend’s plane. The MONSTERS. — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) January 27, 2020
3.
Prince Andrew has said he was unable to assist the FBI with their enquiries as he was busy microwaving a chicken panini in a Plymouth Pret A Manger pic.twitter.com/BdwWO63XPh — Mallow News (@MallowNews) January 27, 2020
4.
BREAKING: The FBI wants to interview Prince Andrew for his alleged links to paedophilia. Turns out royalty may not be above the law after all. A Buckingham Palace source said this could be the second biggest Royal scandal, after Prince Harry marrying a black woman. — Laura Kuenssberg @ CCHQ Propaganda Dept ᵖᵃʳᵒᵈʸ (@LKTranslator) January 27, 2020
5.
Waiting for Betty to say how disappointed she is with this turn of events and strip him of his title. [tumbleweed.gif]https://t.co/wRrQ89tAVy — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) January 27, 2020
6.
Bet he’s sweating now https://t.co/l39GeHdDhl — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) January 27, 2020
7.
Prince Andrew confirms that he's fully co-operating with FBI requests to interview him. #PrinceAndrew pic.twitter.com/lNU7YIk7Fy — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) January 27, 2020
Fourfoot made this very interesting point.
Why isn’t Tommy Robinson dragging his coke flecked balls and army of vanbangers around Buckingham Palace demanding the arrest of Prince Andrew? — fourfoot (@fourfoot) January 28, 2020
It’s an absolute mystery.
READ MORE
The Queen cancelled Prince Andrew’s birthday party – our 9 favourite takedowns
Source Twitter Image FBI BBC


thepoke--2020-01-28--This thread about filling in a tax return is essential (and reassuring) reading for anyone who’s eve

This thread about filling in a tax return is essential (and reassuring) reading for anyone who’s ever dealt with HMRC

It ’ s that time of year when freelancers everywhere are filling in their tax return or trying to find @ @ @ @ @ they owe ( or both ) .
And this thread by @ HeatherParryUK is absolutely @ @ @ @ @ ’ s ever had to fill in a tax return .
Wish we ’ d @ @ @ @ @ time we did it ( back when it was still on paper .
Imagine that @ @

Twitter
It’s that time of year when freelancers everywhere are filling in their tax return or trying to find the money to pay what they owe (or both).
And this thread by @HeatherParryUK is absolutely required reading for anyone who’s ever had to fill in a tax return. Wish we’d read it before the first time we did it (back when it was still on paper. Imagine that!)
as most of us freelancers will be scrambling to file and/or pay our tax returns this week, here's some very boring advice from someone who's been doing their own for a few years now and has learned a lot of things they just entirely neglect to tell you when you are a freelancer: — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
1) At the end of your first year as a sole trader, you have to pay 100% of the tax you owe on what you made the previous year. At the end of the second year, you have to pay all that PLUS 50% of the tax you'll owe for the next (current) year. No one mentions this ONCE. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
2) Because you're paying tax on a total amount of money you haven't yet earned, you have to guess. This is called making a payment on account, and you have to pay 50% on Jan 31st, with your other payments, and 50% on July 31st. You might be conservative in your guess. Don't be. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
3) If you guess too low, they will charge you interest on what you *should* have paid. So you either guess too high & overpay your tax, then have to wait for HRMC to pay it back, OR underguess & have them charge you interest for the difference when you finally file for that year. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
4) Sometimes if you pay on time they will just randomly charge you late payment fees. It is up to you to keep a check on what they are charging you and query this, because it can add up (to about 400 quid, in my experience). The onus is on you to prove you paid on time. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
5) Sometimes when you file your return, you'll log on a week later to pay and find two entirely different numbers given for what you owe. Then you ring them and they give you a third, totally different number. Pay the one they give you & get it in writing to prove what they said. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
6) There are a lot of things you can claim as expenses. For instance, if you're a writer, your expenses can include books, film tickets, travel to meetings, food for when you're travelling for events, your phone contract, a new laptop, even clothes for events. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
7) If you work from home, you can charge for a portion of your heating bills, broadband, even part of your rent/mortgage. Accurate information around these last two points is hard to come by—I recommend @QuickBooks which will help you figure this out. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
8) You shouldn't need to file the specifics of your tax return, just the big numbers. However, in the event that you are audited, you will need to have kept ALL YOUR RECEIPTS. Again, @QuickBooks is great for this because it lets you take photos of all your receipts and store them — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
9) It's best if you have an entirely separate bank account just for your 'business' (i.e. freelancing) stuff. It just makes things a lot easier down the line if you do end up being audited—or even just for working out your expenses. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
10) The single best thing you can do IMO is to have a 'tax' account, into which you pay 20% of everything you earn. Don't *just* save the amount over the tax-paying threshold, because you have to pay National Insurance, etc. Just put in 20% of everything that you earn. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
11) This way, you should always have slightly too much in that account, which acts as a buffer for any unexpected charges. If you jump up into a higher bracket you'll obviously have to start putting a higher percentage into that tax account. But still, it helps. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
12) If it all starts getting too complicated, don't go with those online tax accountants that you never meet, because they are absolutely terrible. Get some recommendations from people who work in your industry and pay for a decent accountant. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
13) If you're nervous about filing your tax return (and who isn't?) get some other freelancer pals together and make a night of it. Get some food, some beers & help each other out. Even if it's just someone to run the numbers by, it takes the stress off. Eat cake when you're done — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
14) Even after several years you will type HRMC instead of HMRC in tweet threads but it doesn't matter and you can pretend its an anti-establishment position you're taking rather than just a highly-caffeinated typing error. — Heather Parry (@HeatherParryUK) January 27, 2020
Source @HeatherParryUK Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-28--This news presenter’s electric toothbrush demonstration was unfortunate, very unfortunate

In reality it ’ s a rather sweet story about how this presenter ’ s kid used to use her @ @ @ @ @ pain of teething .
Except , if you were watching it with the sound down @ @ @ @ @ even with it up – that ’ s not entirely what it looks like .
@ @ @ @ @ Reddit because , well , have watch for yourself .
When you ask a woman @ @ @ @ @ you a wave and she does something else

Videos
In reality it’s a rather sweet story about how this presenter’s kid used to use her vibrating toothbrush to ease the pain of teething.
Except, if you were watching it with the sound down – or, frankly, even with it up – that’s not entirely what it looks like.
Naturally it went viral on Reddit because, well, have watch for yourself.
READ MORE
When you ask a woman in the crowd to give you a wave and she does something else
Source Reddit u/MuphynManIV


thepoke--2020-01-28--Daft Limmy being told by his son to ‘stop streaming and get some fresh air’ is a beautiful parenting

Daft Limmy being told by his son to ‘stop streaming and get some fresh air’ is a beautiful parenting moment

When Daft Limmy ’ s not being very funny on Twitter he can often by found gaming on his Twitch @ @ @ @ @ while he was there that he suffered an unexpected interruption by his son and it @ @ @ @ @ watch .
Here ’ s just a little bit of what Limmy had to say @ @ @ @ @ stop streaming , I ’ ve been on this for pretty much half a day @ @ @ @ @ is my job !
Get some fresh air ?
Lazy ?
Playing games is my @ @ @ @ @ m doing it right now .
You want to spend time with me ?
You @ @ @ @ @ spend time with me .
He doesn ’ t want to spend time with me @ @ @ @ @ s a lovely heartwarming family episode there .
Lazy ?
He called me lazy ?
@ @ @ @ @ , but different .

Videos
When Daft Limmy’s not being very funny on Twitter he can often be found gaming on his Twitch channel.
And it was while he was there that he suffered an unexpected interruption by his son and it’s a very funny watch.
Here’s just a little bit of what Limmy had to say.
‘I need to stop streaming, I’ve been on this for pretty much half a day? Stop streaming? This is my job! Get some fresh air? Lazy? Playing games is my job now and I’m doing it right now. You want to spend time with me? You don’t want to spend time with me. He doesn’t want to spend time with me. Family. That’s a lovely heartwarming family episode there. Lazy? He called me lazy?’
A bit like this, but different.
Or this.
Follow @DaftLimmy on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Daft Limmy’s Richard E Grant impression was so on the money he blocked him
Source


thepoke--2020-01-28--‘Friend is upset I won’t let him use my new car to get laid’

Similar to the maxim ‘ never do business with friends ’ is ‘ never borrow something from friends that they really really hold close to their heart .
Extension lead ?
Yes .
Car ?
Probably not.
’ And it was a fatal mistake that this friend made and we ’ re worried ( not overly ) that they might not be friends anymore .
‘ Friend is upset I won ’ t let him use my new car to get laid , ’ wrote iGuessImBad on Reddit .
And the verdict was pretty much unanimous .
‘ Man I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would never let them borrow my car if it wasn ’ t an emergency .
On the reverse I would feel so embarrassed asking my boy to borrow his car to make self look better .
Your friend needs to step his shit up.
’ PooShauchun ‘ It ’ s always good to start a first date with lies and say “ whip ” a lot.
’ beardsandwiches ‘ My dad instilled in me the belief early on that you should never loan your car to someone unless you can handle them destroying @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to insults when someone wouldn ’ t lend her a dress

Popular
Similar to the maxim ‘never do business with friends’ is ‘never borrow something from friends that they really really hold close to their heart. Extension lead? Yes. Car? Probably not.’
And it was a fatal mistake that this friend made and we’re worried (not overly) that they might not be friends anymore.
‘Friend is upset I won’t let him use my new car to get laid,’ wrote iGuessImBad on Reddit.
And the verdict was pretty much unanimous.
‘Man I love my friends to death but I would never let them borrow my car if it wasn’t an emergency. On the reverse I would feel so embarrassed asking my boy to borrow his car to make self look better.
Your friend needs to step his shit up.’ PooShauchun ‘It’s always good to start a first date with lies and say “whip” a lot.’ beardsandwiches ‘My dad instilled in me the belief early on that you should never loan your car to someone unless you can handle them destroying it.’ PM_ME_UR_NETFLIX_REC
READ MORE
A cheeky woman resorted to insults when someone wouldn’t lend her a dress
Source Reddit u/iGuessImBad


thepoke--2020-01-28--Guess who’s getting in a rage about SNL’s white male rage sketch

Comedian Melissa Villaseñor appeared on Saturday Night Live to give her take on this year ’ s biggest Oscar nominations @ @ @ @ @ through the medium of song , highlighting a trend she thought she ’ d noticed @ @ @ @ @ ?
We ’ ll all be singing about white male rage before you know it @ @ @ @ @ clip – although a slightly shorter version – went out on Twitter , where it @ @ @ @ @ five million times in two days .
A lot of people weren ’ t impressed @ @ @ @ @ seemed particularly unhappy about it – you could almost say they were in a rage @ @ @ @ @ , however .
This observation either says something about SNL ’ s jokes , or @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Comedian Melissa Villaseñor appeared on Saturday Night Live to give her take on this year’s biggest Oscar nominations, and she did it through the medium of song, highlighting a trend she thought she’d noticed.
Here’s what happened.
How catchy is that? We’ll all be singing about white male rage before you know it.
Of course, the clip – although a slightly shorter version – went out on Twitter, where it has been viewed more than five million times in two days.
This year's Oscar nominee theme:
🎶 White Male Rage 🎶#SNL pic.twitter.com/GCb8mSXqwr — Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) January 26, 2020
A lot of people weren’t impressed. Unsurprisingly, white males seemed particularly unhappy about it – you could almost say they were in a rage.
What the fuck is wrong with you — Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) 26 January 2020
Christ the bar for comedy is low nowadays — Luc // HiddenXperia (@HiddenXperia) 27 January 2020
Just remember guys: if you're on the bottom, dependent on a broken system designed to make rich people feel like something is actually being done… and then you fall through the cracks and are mocked and ridiculed while you die in the ditch – you still have to be a good boy, ok? — Skepticᵀᴹ (@ArmouredSkeptic) 26 January 2020
When i was a teen and first exposed to the internet i would look at the worst shit i could find like rotten . com and pain olympics and it would give me an awful sinking feeling in my stomach and i’d think “nobody should see this” and this gives me the same feeling as that https://t.co/z4BY7x5HDx — losing it, (@prophethusband) January 26, 2020
>being female
>being funny Pick one. — Matt (@mattboothhh) 27 January 2020
Some people appreciated it, however.
The song
😂😂😂
And the angry comments
🤣🤣🤣
The fact y'alls mad about this is great
😭😭😭 — GlassTurtle (@GlassTurtle1) 26 January 2020
Melissa Villaseñor should host the Oscars https://t.co/4GTm6Rt3a4 — Max Weiss (@maxthegirl) January 26, 2020
My thanks to Melissa Villaseñor for the new ringtone. It's an instant classic.🎶#SNL #WhiteMaleRage https://t.co/hqxcvf4wSV — Charlotte Clymer🏳🌈 (@cmclymer) January 26, 2020
This observation either says something about SNL’s jokes, or about the Oscar nominations.
It’s almost hard to believe some dudes are really angry about this. The observation that The Academy love movies about angry violent white men isn’t exactly new, fellas. The same joke has been an annual tradition for decades. https://t.co/PpGY7x1vT2 — Jonathan McIntosh (@radicalbytes) January 27, 2020
It’s probably the Oscars thing.
Source Indy100 Image SNL


thepoke--2020-01-28--“This NYT correction just gets better and better”

Corrections and clarifications have long been a fairly reliable source of low-key entertainment , particularly where the error is one @ @ @ @ @ happened .
In an article about the recently married couple , actor and playwright Kate @ @ @ @ @ O ’ Connell , the New York Times made some careless typos …and one humongous @ @ @ @ @ is how they shred the corrections at the end of the article .
Writer Laura @ @ @ @ @ , and her tweet of a screenshot has had over a thousand retweets in a @ @ @ @ @ have been buzzing off the glaring error , and these are some of the things @ @ @ @ @ about it .
The mistake might turn out to have been quite a happy accident @ @ @ @ @ ‘ s prediction comes to pass .
We ’ d read the hell out of @ @

Popular
Corrections and clarifications have long been a fairly reliable source of low-key entertainment, particularly where the error is one that clearly should never have happened.
In an article about the recently married couple, actor and playwright Kate Hammill and fellow actor Jason O’Connell, the New York Times made some careless typos …and one humongous and inexplicable mistake.
This is how they shred the corrections at the end of the article.
“Bram Stoker …not Jane Austen.”
Writer Laura Hankin spotted the fantastic correction, and her tweet of a screenshot has had over a thousand retweets in a matter of hours.
This NYTimes correction just gets getter and better pic.twitter.com/OJYRiKiyJn — Laura Hankin (@LauraHankin) January 27, 2020
People have been buzzing off the glaring error, and these are some of the things they’ve been saying about it.
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of blood." #JaneAustenDracula https://t.co/AID2MgpgW2 — Margot Cleveland (@ProfMJCleveland) January 28, 2020
Also, the 21st President of the United States was Chester A. Arthur, not Willow Rosenberg. — P Nielsen Hayden (@pnh) 27 January 2020
I would definitely read a Jane Austen version of Dracula. — Leah (@settleprecious) 27 January 2020
Romantic hijinks ensue among the Harker sisters and their friends when an eligible bachelor with a foreign-sounding name purchases Carfax Abbey… — Markku Ylipalo (@TheRealMarkku) 27 January 2020
The mistake might turn out to have been quite a happy accident, if David Jón Fuller‘s prediction comes to pass.
I predict an entire genre blossoming out of this error. I humbly submit for the record (and for @premeesaurus) Herman Melville's Dracula:
"Call me Jonathan. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse…" https://t.co/cOOCjVZBYu — David Jón Fuller (@DavidJonFuller) January 27, 2020
We’d read the hell out of that.
READ MORE
Guardian correction of the day
Source NYT Image @romankraft on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-28--These 16 stories of kids embarrassing their parents are delightfully cringeworthy

It ’ s definitely in the job description for children to embarrass their parents , and the bigger the audience @ @ @ @ @ Kat Cowan shared one such incident , in which we can ’ t help feeling @ @ @ @ @ an own goal .
Of course , Twitter stepped up , and these tales of @ @ @ @ @ our favourites .

Twitter
It’s definitely in the job description for children to embarrass their parents, and the bigger the audience the better.
Radio presenter Kat Cowan shared one such incident, in which we can’t help feeling there was a bit of an own goal.
Tell me about a time your kid embarrassed you…. Me? trying to stop my toddler having a tantrum at a DIY store, I put a bucket on head & sung “there’s a hole in my bucket” only to find he’d disappeared. So I was just a lone adult, with a bucket on my head, singing — Kat Cowan (@KatherineCowan) January 27, 2020
Of course, Twitter stepped up, and these tales of perfectly executed parental embarrassment were our favourites.
1.
I had both my children by caesarean. My son once asked me how he got out of me. I explained he was cut out of my tummy. Later, in a busy cafe, he LOUDLY asked if he could look at the place where he came out of me.https://t.co/96GR2yg9kI — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 27, 2020
2.
3 yr old had a complete meltdown (screaming lying on floor fists flailing) in a shop because I wouldn't buy him a box of v fancy v expensive Turkish Delight (he liked the ribbons). Most middle class embarrassing spoilt child tantrum of all time. I can laugh it it now…. https://t.co/cNG8UQpraY — JayneSeckerSky (@JayneSeckerSky) January 27, 2020
3.
The time I was taking MiniHackenbush through a crowded shopping mall and he didn’t want to go so he started tugging at my hand and shouting I DONT WANT TO GO WITH YOU HELP HELP HEEEELLLP so I looked like I was abducting him https://t.co/Fad0UIqUgS — DocHackenbush can have a little pie, as a treat (@DocHackenbush) January 27, 2020
4.
In the chemist Iasked about boil plasters as I had an eruption in a delicate place. The chemist wanted to know what size plasters, and where the boil was. I ummed and aahed, a bit reluctant to divulge that embarrassing info. However, my 3 year old piped up "Its on her bum!" 😂 — L J B (@Amazinwoman) 27 January 2020
5.
My daughters first sentence while passing KFC with the wife in the car “dad dads din dins” #busted — Andy (@Wroe_Tweet) 27 January 2020
6.
When my son was learning to speak he was also very enthusiastic about sticks and shouted the word loudly and repeatedly in public. Unfortunately, he couldn't say the 'st' sound properly, so it sounded more like it started with a 'd'… — Lizzi Collinge (@LizziCollinge) 27 January 2020
7.
Had to work on a Saturday so drag 4 year old along to the plumbers merchant to collect a boiler, man selling said boiler is (unbeknownst to daughter) gorgeous wonderful new boyfriend 💖 He’s loading it in for me as she loudly informs him ‘mummy did a MASSIVE poo this morning’ 🙈 — Amanda Tame (@TinyMinTame) 27 January 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-01-28--An animal shelter ad for the “world’s worst cat” is brutally honest – but very funny

Animal shelters are fantastic places , giving a second chance to the unwashed and unwanted of the animal world , matching them up with new families and a better life .
It isn ’ t always easy , though , as this advert from the Mitchell County Animal Rescue centre shows .
Here ’ s the text that went with it .
Meet Perdita , not for the faint of heart .
LIKES : staring into your soul until you feel as if you may never be cheerful again ; the song Cat Scratch Fever , the movie Pet Cemetery @ @ @ @ @ @ @ jump scares ( her specialty ) , lurking in dark corners , being queen of her domicile , fooling shelter staff into thinking she ’ s sick ( vet agrees…she ’ s just a jerk ) DISLIKES : the color pink , kittens ( yuk they are so chipper ) , dogs , children , the Dixie Chicks , Disney movies , Christmas and last but NOT least…HUGS .
She ’ s single and ready to be socially awkward with a socially awkward human who understands personal space .
FREE ADOPTION 😉 If @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out an application .
We ’ re very happy to report that there are plenty of people who can see the diamond in the rough and , at the 23rd of January , there were 50 people interested in sharing their space with the world ’ s worst cat .
Perdita is not impressed with her new found fame .
She is being her spicy self .
This video was made this morning .
She enjoyed her head scratches and growls at the end to let us know she was done .
We @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
We have given her privacy and quiet as much as possible .
We are carefully considering each of the 50+ applications we have received for her .
Love and support for Perdita has poured in from all over the world .
We are thrilled that so many people are passionate about cats like her .
We will keep everyone posted about her adoption when it happens .
And this is the famous feline herself .
Perdita is not impressed with her new found fame .
She is being her spicy self .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ She enjoyed her head scratches and growls at the end to let us know she was done .
We love this spirited , strong-willed , beauty .
We have given her privacy and quiet as much as possible .
We are carefully considering each of the 50+ applications we have received for her .
Love and support for Perdita has poured in from all over the world .
We are thrilled that so many people are passionate about cats like her .
We will keep everyone posted about her adoption when it happens @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been reacting to the ad – and to Perdita .
The official account of Pet Semetary was glad of the endorsement .
In fact , at the time of writing , it ’ s decision day … Good luck to Perdita in her new home – and even more good luck to her brave adopter .

Popular
Animal shelters are fantastic places, giving a second chance to the unwashed and unwanted of the animal world, matching them up with new families and a better life.
It isn’t always easy, though, as this advert from the Mitchell County Animal Rescue centre shows.
Here’s the text that went with it.
Meet Perdita, not for the faint of heart. LIKES:
staring into your soul until you feel as if you may never be cheerful again;
the song Cat Scratch Fever,
the movie Pet Cemetery (Church is her hero),
jump scares (her specialty),
lurking in dark corners,
being queen of her domicile,
fooling shelter staff into thinking she’s sick (vet agrees…she’s just a jerk) DISLIKES:
the color pink,
kittens (yuk they are so chipper),
dogs,
children,
the Dixie Chicks,
Disney movies,
Christmas and last but NOT least…HUGS. She’s single and ready to be socially awkward with a socially awkward human who understands personal space. FREE ADOPTION 😉 If interested please go to www.mitchellcountyanimalrescue.org to fill out an application.
We’re very happy to report that there are plenty of people who can see the diamond in the rough and, at the 23rd of January, there were 50 people interested in sharing their space with the world’s worst cat.
Here’s the update.
Perdita is not impressed with her new found fame. She is being her spicy self. This video was made this morning. She enjoyed her head scratches and growls at the end to let us know she was done. We love this spirited, strong-willed, beauty. We have given her privacy and quiet as much as possible. We are carefully considering each of the 50+ applications we have received for her. Love and support for Perdita has poured in from all over the world. We are thrilled that so many people are passionate about cats like her. We will keep everyone posted about her adoption when it happens.
And this is the famous feline herself.
This is how Facebook users have been reacting to the ad – and to Perdita.
The official account of Pet Semetary was glad of the endorsement.
In fact, at the time of writing, it’s decision day …
Good luck to Perdita in her new home – and even more good luck to her brave adopter.
Source Facebook H/T Bored Panda Image Facebook


thepoke--2020-01-28--A traffic alert caused a Twitter landslide over the description of a boulder – the 19 funniest comme

A traffic alert caused a Twitter landslide over the description of a boulder – the 19 funniest comments

As far as we ’ re aware , there ’ s no onus on the emergency services to make reports @ @ @ @ @ a challenge to read – quite the opposite , if anything , but a traffic @ @ @ @ @ Sheriff Department came across like a philosophical exercise .
Okay , we think we ’ @ @ @ @ @ no wait .
Oh , let ’ s just see what other people said about @ @

Twitter
As far as we’re aware, there’s no onus on the emergency services to make reports or warnings in any way a challenge to read – quite the opposite, if anything, but a traffic update from the San Miguel Sheriff Department came across like a philosophical exercise.
Large boulder the size of a small boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area. pic.twitter.com/EVMmDf0IJu — San Miguel Sheriff (@SheriffAlert) January 27, 2020
Okay, we think we’ve got this …erm, no wait. Oh, let’s just see what other people said about it.
1.
I've reread the first line of this at least 100x https://t.co/G2YIi3UHnx — Aaron Pauley (@aaronpauley) January 27, 2020
2.
Today in "your capacity to understand the grammatical properties of language is not reliant on the meaning actually making sense" https://t.co/brqRy0ASC4 — Gretchen McCulloch (@GretchenAMcC) January 27, 2020
3.
Did Google Translate get a hold of this report? Cause it sounds exactly like something she’d say xD https://t.co/2LXa4W6XHJ — MALINDA (@missmalindakat) January 28, 2020
4.
"large boulder the size of a small boulder"? somebody needs a nap. https://t.co/7831klLT5t — frankly, a terror (@unrulynarrator) January 27, 2020
5.
Who would win in a fight? A large-boulder-sized small boulder or 20 small-boulder-sized large boulders? — Paul 👻 (@pablo_honey1) January 27, 2020
6.
Are Starbucks now in charge of sizing boulders? Because I’m confused https://t.co/ahE5q3cUgy — Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) January 27, 2020
7.
Did a boulder write this? https://t.co/6IkUdOTTxX — Alexander Quon (@AlexanderQuon) January 27, 2020
8.
Infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters will eventually type the phrase "large boulder the size of a small boulder" and it will enrich the lives of all other living beings. https://t.co/wMzbwbrXAq — Joe Colangelo (@Itsjoeco) January 27, 2020
9.
10.


thepoke--2020-01-28--The cat nearly ruined this crazily elaborate stunt but ended up making it even better

Hats off to anyone who even thinks about doing this sort of crazily elaborate stunt , let alone actually pulling @ @ @ @ @ who struggles to get the milk in the bowl in the morning , we were @ @ @ @ @ the very end all their best efforts were nearly ruined by the cat , but @ @ @ @ @ even better .
‘ I thought the cat was in on it.
’ waywardmedic ‘ @ @ @ @ @ getting the ball into the bowl , he just said fuck it , time to @ @ @ @ @ hands.
’ Prophettx Simply the most impressive indoor golf trick shot you ’ ll see @ @

Videos
Hats off to anyone who even thinks about doing this sort of crazily elaborate stunt, let alone actually pulling it off.
As someone who struggles to get the milk in the bowl in the morning, we were mightily impressed. Right at the very end all their best efforts were nearly ruined by the cat, but it ends up making it even better.
Brilliant!
‘I thought the cat was in on it.’ waywardmedic ‘Family: FUCKING Cat!!!!!
2 seconds elapse
Family: Fucking CAT!!!!’
Childan71 ‘After 98 attempts of not getting the ball into the bowl, he just said fuck it, time to put matters into my own hands.’ Prophettx
READ MORE
Simply the most impressive indoor golf trick shot you’ll see anytime soon
Source Reddit u/Prophettx


thepoke--2020-01-28--A guy did his ex-wife’s laundry but she’s furious he didn’t fold them and the comments are boiling h

A guy did his ex-wife’s laundry but she’s furious he didn’t fold them and the comments are boiling hot

Today ’ s episode of ‘ relationships , eh ?
’ comes courtesy of this woman whose ex-husband did some @ @ @ @ @ wasn ’ t happy because he washed the clothes but he didn ’ t fold @ @ @ @ @ onto Facebook to complain and the comments it prompted were of the ‘ boil wash @ @ @ @ @ are those scorching hot comments .
‘ Guy washes clothes for his ex-wife because she @ @ @ @ @ washer or dryer , ’ said idloveacoffeeplease who shared it on Reddit .
‘ She @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t fold them for her as well .
Every single comment was asking @ @ @ @ @ crazy she sounded and that they understood why they were divorced .
Amazing stuff lao.
@ @ @ @ @ I won ’ t let him use my new car to get laid ’

Popular
Today’s episode of ‘relationships, eh?’ comes courtesy of this woman whose ex-husband did some laundry for her but she wasn’t happy because he washed the clothes but he didn’t fold them.
Naturally she went onto Facebook to complain and the comments it prompted were of the ‘boil wash’ variety.
Here’s her post.
And here are those scorching hot comments.
‘Guy washes clothes for his ex-wife because she doesn’t have a washer or dryer,’ said idloveacoffeeplease who shared it on Reddit. ‘She posts this online because he didn’t fold them for her as well. Every single comment was asking her if she understood how crazy she sounded and that they understood why they were divorced. Amazing stuff lao.’
READ MORE
‘Friend is upset I won’t let him use my new car to get laid’
Source Reddit u/idloveacoffeeplease Imgur orangFitLifter


thepoke--2020-01-28--The video of the way these ants and termites stop it all kicking off is just amazing

We don ’ t want to get all David Attenborough on you – you ’ re right , there really @ @ @ @ @ – but this video of how ants and termites avoid conflict is really rather amazing @

Videos
We don’t want to get all David Attenborough on you – you’re right, there really is no danger of that – but this video of how ants and termites avoid conflict is really rather amazing.
A trail of termites (above) and a trail of 🐜 ant (below), both protected by a row of their soldiers in a stand-off ,without fighting. Credit Mehdi Moussaid pic.twitter.com/flU1JjE7fV — Domenico Calia (@CaliaDomenico) January 28, 2020
We’re with Katy.
This is literally one of the coolest things I've ever seen 😍😍😍 https://t.co/igMMTqb58D — Katy Montgomerie 🦗 (@KatyMontgomerie) January 28, 2020
READ MORE
Nature is beautiful
Source


thepoke--2020-01-28--Savage burn of the week

Savage burn of the week

‘ That ’ s got ta hurt , ’ says DifRuX over on Reddit .
Although some people he reckoned @ @ @ @ @ coming to him .
‘ That ’ s what happens when you fish for compliments @ @ @ @ @ ’ said thesheeponthebeach .
Exactly , ’ said eorabs .
‘ Dude had it coming @ @ @ @ @ ’

‘That’s gotta hurt,’ says DifRuX over on Reddit.
Although some people he reckoned he got exactly what was coming to him.
‘That’s what happens when you fish for compliments in shark infested waters,’ said thesheeponthebeach.
Exactly,’ said eorabs. ‘Dude had it coming for that obvious shit.’


thepoke--2020-01-28--A parent’s NSFW reason why they never shut their son’s bedroom door was brutal (and brutally honest)

Question of the week – well , not so much the question as the answer – goes to this person @ @ @ @ @ Reddit , why don ’ t you close the door when you ’ re leaving @ @ @ @ @ this NSFW answer – pretty safe to assume it ’ s from the parent of @ @ @ @ @ viral because , well , have a read for yourself .
‘ Holy hell !
@ @ @ @ @ said Cracked_and_breaking who shared it – where else ?
– on Reddit .
And just @ @ @ @ @ prompted .
‘ I don ’ t think I was ready for that comment.
’ @ @ @ @ @ the type of stuff I ’ ll be looking forward to in motherhood.
’ futuresurgeon25 @ @ @ @ @ Reddit thread : “ My son has begun leaving his bedroom door open and now @ @ @ @ @ his stale cumsocks .
Please advise !
” ’ pr0digalnun People have been sharing the @ @ @ @ @ have done – 31 excruciating examples

Popular
Question of the week – well, not so much the question as the answer – goes to this person who asked ‘Parents of Reddit, why don’t you close the door when you’re leaving our rooms?’
And this NSFW answer – pretty safe to assume it’s from the parent of a teenage son – went viral because, well, have a read for yourself.
‘Holy hell! Call the morgue,’ said Cracked_and_breaking who shared it – where else? – on Reddit.
And just some of the comments it prompted.
‘I don’t think I was ready for that comment.’ Kitmosaurus ‘So this is the type of stuff I’ll be looking forward to in motherhood.’ futuresurgeon25 ‘Next week’ ask Reddit thread: “My son has begun leaving his bedroom door open and now the whole house smells like his stale cumsocks. Please advise!”’ pr0digalnun
Apologies all round.
READ MORE
People have been sharing the most embarrassing things their parents have done – 31 excruciating examples
Source Reddit u/Cracked_and_breaking


thepoke--2020-01-28--This council’s guide to help you tell if you’re dreaming is making us think we can’t possibly be awa

This council’s guide to help you tell if you’re dreaming is making us think we can’t possibly be awake

A helpful guide from the good people of Sheffield City Council – well , that ’ s what it says @ @ @ @ @ doubts – to help you tell whether you are dreaming or not .
It was @ @ @ @ @ ScaryNewDad who said : ‘ I know things have been a bit nuts lately but @ @ @ @ @ this is really necessary.
’ And here it is .
We weren ’ t the @ @ @ @ @ And not everyone found it helpful .
Richard Osman and others reveal their ‘ genius @ @ @ @ @ no sense the next day no matter how hard they tried to remember them

Pics
A helpful guide from the good people of Sheffield City Council – well, that’s what it says, but we have our doubts – to help you tell whether you are dreaming or not.
It was shared on Twitter by @ScaryNewDad who said: ‘I know things have been a bit nuts lately but I’m not sure this is really necessary.’
And here it is.
city council waging psychic warfare, neat — hell’s finest pintsman (@EnemyBeauty) January 27, 2020
It’s a bit redundant. If I could read the title I’d know I wasn’t dreaming, because I can’t read in dreams. — Pete Alex Harris 🐐☕ (@ScavengerEthic) January 28, 2020
When I’m in lucid dreams I can’t read a clock at all, also can barely read or only few isolate words. Also can’t type text on a phone or use it properly. Writing a single word with my finger on the sand is ok but can’t write a correct sentence on paper 👌🏻 — Malou l’Alligataure (@Lalligataure) January 27, 2020
We weren’t the only one with doubts.
wait is this actually a real thing? — (alan) (@coldnwindy) January 27, 2020
As much as I wish it were it reminds me of one of those Scarfolk ads — Tropical Dad (@ScaryNewDad) January 27, 2020
And not everyone found it helpful.
I don’t wear a watch. HOW WILL I EVER KNOW I’M AWAKE???!??!? https://t.co/s8QwGYwVNh — Talie (@TalieDelemere) January 28, 2020
READ MORE
Richard Osman and others reveal their ‘genius’ dreams that made absolutely no sense the next day no matter how hard they tried to remember them
Source Twitter @ScaryNewDad Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-01-28--Simply 23 lovely tributes to Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons, who has died aged 96

Sad news today that Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons has died at the age of 96 .
The broadcaster @ @ @ @ @ 4 panel show since it began in 1967 , passed away after a short illness @ @ @ @ @ Tuesday .
And pretty much the entire internet was paying tribute to the great man @ @ @ @ @ his career , and just what a lovely bloke he was .

Twitter
Sad news today that Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons has died at the age of 96.
The broadcaster, who presented the Radio 4 panel show since it began in 1967, passed away after a short illness, his agent said on Tuesday.
And pretty much the entire internet was paying tribute to the great man, celebrating his life, his career, and just what a lovely bloke he was.
1.
Oh no. Nicholas Parsons gone? He ruled Just a Minute for Just a Lifetime. A stunning achievement: never scripted, always immaculate. From comedian's sidekick to great institution, via Sale of the Century & much more. Unrivalled continuity, professionalism & commitment. Farewell x — Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) January 28, 2020
2.
RIP Nicholas Parsons.I was 21 when we first worked together and I will never forget how welcoming he was to me and others like me.He was a born performer who lived to be on stage and never lost his love of being infront of a crowd. A true gent.He will be greatly missed. — Ross Noble (@realrossnoble) January 28, 2020
3.
No more hesitation, repetition or deviation. RIP Nicholas Parsons. pic.twitter.com/FjpQT4hUfc — Damon Evans (@damocrat) January 28, 2020
4.
The sound of the final whistle. Nicholas Parsons was truly the kindest and most generous person I’ve ever worked with. His continued delight at being a part of show business should be an inspiration to us all! Huge love to his wife Annie and his whole family. #ripnicholasparsons — graham norton (@grahnort) January 28, 2020
5.
96, Nicholas Parsons! What a very good go indeed. *Almost* still talking when the buzzer went… — Ian Martin (@IanMartin) January 28, 2020
6.
At the Chortle Awards 2016, the room was cacophonous, everyone was talking over the winners as usual, all night, until Nicholas Parsons won an award, and a reverent hush fell over the whole room followed by a thunderous standing ovation. Even drunk comics know true quality. #RIP — Rachel Parris (@rachelparris) January 28, 2020
7.
May all his obituaries be free from hesitation, repetition and deviation. RIP to the wonderful Nicholas Parsons https://t.co/wgQ6BT7j7T — Julia Macfarlane (@juliamacfarlane) January 28, 2020
8.
Years ago I was due to do Just A Minute and had to cancel at the last minute because of Unexpected Developments in the run up to the birth of one of my kids. The next day, Nicholas Parsons called to make sure everything was all right and ask if we needed anything. RIP, you gent. — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) January 28, 2020
9.
Instead of a minute's silence, you must now talk about Nicholas Parsons for one minute and you know the rules. — Robin Ince (@robinince) January 28, 2020
10.
Dear Nicholas Parsons RIP. So clever, funny and generous. I thought he, and the twinkle in his eyes, would go on forever. What a remarkable life and career. — Julian Clary (@JulianClary) January 28, 2020
11.
Without hesitation, deviation or repetition I’d like to say that Nicholas Parsons was a broadcasting giant who proved that the straight man could be the real star of comedy. Will be hugely missed by all who work at & love @BBCRadio4 https://t.co/8r2hyMMXRY — Nick Robinson (@bbcnickrobinson) January 28, 2020
12.
Heartbroken. I was thrilled to have been able to work with Nicholas Parsons on Good Omens. I sort of directed him, but the direction was basically "You're Nicholas Parsons so do that." Kind and professional and a pleasure to work with. So sad. https://t.co/gR5IFtnbak — Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 28, 2020
13.
The end of an era. Nicholas Parsons was such a lovely man – and so versatile: actor, entertainer, writer, TV star & radio host without equal, but for me, most of all, friend. I knew him for more than 50 years: he was simply the best. Thinking of his wonderful wife Annie & family. pic.twitter.com/p1Dl1rWqfJ — Gyles Brandreth (@GylesB1) January 28, 2020
14.
Farewell to Nicholas Parsons after an unbelievable innings both life and work-wise. If even HE isn’t immortal I’m starting to wonder who is. — Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) January 28, 2020
15.
He felt like one of those tremendously reassuring figures who formed a link from your childhood to adulthood. A constant. Like he'd be there forever. — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) January 28, 2020
16.
Nicholas Parsons has passed away. Just last year, at the age of 95, after winning a lifetime achievement awards at the Broadcasting Press Guild Awards, he did a 20 minute impromptu comedic routine with joke after joke after joke. He had the whole room’s attention. What a guy. — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) January 28, 2020
17.
When I was 19 I saw Nicholas Parsons on the street as he was going into @TheStage New Year party. I bounded up to him and said hello. He was the kindest man, I said I was trying to make it in the arts and he told me to stand behind him and he’d smuggle me into the party… — Maddy Anholt (@maddy_anholt) January 28, 2020
18.
Sad
CPS staff awards – I invited Nicholas Parsons to host but then was advised public wouldn’t like paying their money or having a celebrity
I told him to stand down, he refused, saying he would do it for nothing
I said no again, he then threatened to sue me to work for nothing! https://t.co/JOJKN1mF0O — nazir afzal (@nazirafzal) January 28, 2020
19.
So sad to learn of the death of Nicholas Parsons, though at 96 it was a pretty impressive innings. I last saw him a year ago and he was in great form. A more friendly, generous, polite and solicitous person you could not hope to meet. — Andrew Neil (@afneil) January 28, 2020
20.
What a wonderful career Nicholas Parsons had. A couple of years ago, when he was a mere 94 years old, he told me: 'I will endeavour to keep going as long as I’ve got the mental stamina and the ability to perform.” And he did. Pretty much, right to the end.https://t.co/oKdDsaLU62 — Simon Hattenstone (@shattenstone) January 28, 2020
21.
Just to say. Anyone who retweets the news of Nicholas Parsons’ death will be guilty of repetition. That is all. — Nev Fountain (@Nevfountain) January 28, 2020
22.
So sad to hear Nicholas Parsons has passed away. I’ve loved Just a Minute for years – since sitting in the car with my mum waiting for my sister to finish her piano lesson, right up till the most recent series, sitting + waiting for my kids to finish theirs. What a legend. — Ben Shephard (@benshephard) January 28, 2020
23.
RIP Nicholas Parsons.


thepoke--2020-01-28--This thread about filling in a tax return is essential (and reassuring) reading for freelancers ever

This thread about filling in a tax return is essential (and reassuring) reading for freelancers everywhere


thepoke--2020-01-28--This presenter’s electric toothbrush demonstration was unfortunate, very unfortunate


thepoke--2020-01-29--This American’s argument against free healthcare is in urgent need of attention

Here ’ s American presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders asking Americans about the impact of the huge health care costs they have over there in the States .
We only mention it because this person ’ s response went viral because , welll , have a look for yourself .
Quick , someone dial 911 .
This is an emergency .
People actually think this , ridiculous , said the person who shared it on Reddit .
Fortunately there were plenty of people around to put them right .
‘ Ambulances are free ( or close to ) in Norway , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ good reason chances are you ’ re not gon na get picked up by one… But you may get picked up by a police car and that will not be a cheap ride , nor will it take you where you want to go… ’ Usagi-Zakura ‘ Not only in Norway , ma dude .
In — I think — almost all countries.
’ Brankovt1 ‘ I don ’ t think this guy understands how ambulances work.
’ zookmon ‘ Cant blame him for that , hes never used one because he cant @ @ @ @ @ @ @ IKEA of disrespecting the Stars and Stripes and was schooled into next week

Twitter
Here’s American presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders asking Americans about the impact of the huge health care costs they have over there in the States.
We only mention it because this person’s response went viral because, welll, have a look for yourself.
Quick, someone dial 999. This is an emergency.
‘People actually think this, ridiculous,’ said the person who shared it on Reddit. Fortunately there were plenty of people around to put them right.
‘Ambulances are free (or close to) in Norway, but if you call them without a good reason chances are you’re not gonna get picked up by one… But you may get picked up by a police car and that will not be a cheap ride, nor will it take you where you want to go…’ Usagi-Zakura ‘Not only in Norway, ma dude. In — I think — almost all countries.’ Brankovt1 ‘I don’t think this guy understands how ambulances work.’ zookmon ‘Cant blame him for that, hes never used one because he cant afford it.’ Ankoku_Teion
READ MORE
This American accused IKEA of disrespecting the Stars and Stripes and was schooled into next week
Source Reddit u/E_–_–_–_–_–_–_


thepoke--2020-01-29--This baby’s awestruck response to its first taste of ice cream is a very funny watch

Imagine tasting ice cream for the first time .
This baby did , and this is what it looks like @ @ @ @ @ of the things people were saying about it .
‘ It was over after that @ @ @ @ @ He ’ ll be chasing that high for the the rest of his life.
’ @ @ @ @ @ gone viral because of a hilarious design flaw

Videos
Imagine tasting ice cream for the first time. This baby did, and this is what it looks like.
Awww!
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
‘It was over after that first bite.’ _this_place_sucks_ ‘He’ll be chasing that high for the the rest of his life.’ Singular_Thought ‘Those bug eyes when the taste hit!’ fishinbarbie ‘Sugar is a hell of a drug.’ Warod0
READ MORE
This baby-burping machine has gone viral because of a hilarious design flaw
Source Reddit u/iamvinoth


thepoke--2020-01-29--People are sharing random facts and these 19 are amazing

We ’ ve never really thought “ D ’ you know what the internet needs more of ?
Random facts.
@ @ @ @ @ started sharing them recently , we realised just how much we love them .
This @ @ @ @ @ it all .
And these were our favourites of the huge number of replies .

Twitter
We’ve never really thought “D’you know what the internet needs more of? Random facts.” However, when Twitter started sharing them recently, we realised just how much we love them.
This is the tweet that started it all.
What’s the most random fact you know? I mean RANDOM random. — brittany packnett cunningham (@MsPackyetti) January 28, 2020
And these were our favourites of the huge number of replies.
1.
The first XRay machine in sub Saharan Africa was located in a small mining town in Namibia not for the purpose of fixing healthcare, but to screen workers for diamonds they might have smuggled (through their bodies) at the end of every work shift. https://t.co/JdyenDFrkF — Catherine Amayi (@catherine_amayi) January 28, 2020
2.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear just so they can very clearly hear you but still ignore you. https://t.co/tNXSf0vnC2 — Ranae 🐾 (@TheNerdyCatLady) January 28, 2020
3.
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mrs. Coretta Scott King paid the hospital bill for the birth of Julia Roberts, whose parents were family friends who ran a small acting school the King children attended. #RandomFact — 🇺🇸🇭🇹 Only4RM 🇭🇹🇺🇸 (@Only4RM) January 28, 2020
4.
There is a species of parasitic barnacle that infects male crabs and gives them a sex change. https://t.co/crEFfpApPl — Otters Gonna Ott (@LutrisOtter) January 28, 2020
5.
Alligator is a deformation of the Spanish expression for "the lizard", "el lagarto" https://t.co/g2dAT1nN2D — the SassyScience project trying to get her PhD (@sassyscience_) January 28, 2020
6.
Koalas are really really not smart.
If you change the form of their food (put eucalyptus on a plate, for example) they will starve to death rather than eat it bc they can't recognize it. https://t.co/732YnZKErZ — Jessi (@OlMumsyJess) January 28, 2020
7.
M*A*S*H lasted three times longer than the Korean war. https://t.co/wEvjYOi6Uw — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) January 28, 2020
8.
they can't ever close Elvis' estate unless it stops making money, because he died without a will. there's a captive law firm that does nothing but Elvis law as a result. https://t.co/Dc3AXWQ9YQ — Space Witches, Esq. (@popelizbet) January 28, 2020
9.
We live closer to when T. Rex lived than T. Rex did to when Stegosaurus lived. https://t.co/f4UVS5dh10 — Josh (@joshnorthsouth) January 28, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-01-29--‘Reverse psychology fails successfully’

‘Reverse psychology fails successfully’

Well , it was worth a try .
‘ What a time to be alive , ’ writes herbertmoon6197 over @ @ @

Popular
Well, it was worth a try.
‘What a time to be alive,’ writes herbertmoon6197 over on Reddit.
‘Reverse psychology at its finest.’ 24lifetimes ‘Task failed successfully.’ darrellmarch
READ MORE
Tinder takedown of the week
Source Reddit u/herbertmoon6197


thepoke--2020-01-29--‘I found this from my husband in the bathroom lol …’

Over on Reddit , AJBHcats says : ‘ I found this from my husband in the bathroom lol … ’ Cute and terrifying in just about equal measure .
‘ Does he have special towels for if he ends up murdering you ?
’ asked Well-You-Asked .
‘ No way is he using the hanging white towels .
😁 ’ Lol I will ask !
’ replied AJBHcats who posted the original picture .
‘ Edit : Wow this really really blew up !
I just thought he was being cute .
PS : still very much alive and happily @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her husband ’ s not alone .
‘ I used to run a busy AirBnB , and we provided high quality linens ( and a lot of other nice touches . )
It was fucking infuriating when people would ruin our nice towels to clean off their makeup .
‘ So we started putting makeup wipes in the room .
Not wanting to be wasteful , we put full sized packages instead of travel size .
People would steal the packages of makeup removers AND wipe their foundation all over our clean towels.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ horror .
‘ It could be worse .
I lived with my husband for about 10 years always curious at why the towel I use to dry my hands would be on the floor every now and then .
‘ I just assumed it fell off the rack .
Then one day I asked what in the world he was doing with the towels .
“ Oh sometimes when I pee it goes on the floor and I clean it up with the towel ” ‘ Uh… .
wait what ?
you pee @ @ @ @ @ @ @ towel down and wipe it up and then leave it in the floor ?
And I ’ ve been handling these towels for years without knowing this !
!
!
!
!
He is buried in the backyard , well not really but I was pretty pissed.
’ kperkins1982 No jury would convict her .
This physicist wife ’ s fury at her ‘ insane ’ philosophical husband is a very funny read

Pics
Over on Reddit, AJBHcats says: ‘I found this from my husband in the bathroom lol …’
Cute and terrifying in just about equal measure.
‘Does he have special towels for if he ends up murdering you?’ asked Well-You-Asked. ‘No way is he using the hanging white towels. 😁’
Lol I will ask!’ replied AJBHcats who posted the original picture.
‘Edit: Wow this really really blew up! I just thought he was being cute. PS: still very much alive and happily married 😊’
And it turned out her husband’s not alone.
‘I used to run a busy AirBnB, and we provided high quality linens (and a lot of other nice touches.) It was fucking infuriating when people would ruin our nice towels to clean off their makeup. ‘So we started putting makeup wipes in the room. Not wanting to be wasteful, we put full sized packages instead of travel size. People would steal the packages of makeup removers AND wipe their foundation all over our clean towels.’ Barflyerdammit
And then there was this horror.
‘It could be worse. I lived with my husband for about 10 years always curious at why the towel I use to dry my hands would be on the floor every now and then. ‘I just assumed it fell off the rack. Then one day I asked what in the world he was doing with the towels. “Oh sometimes when I pee it goes on the floor and I clean it up with the towel” ‘Uh…. wait what? you pee on the floor, take the hand towel down and wipe it up and then leave it in the floor? And I’ve been handling these towels for years without knowing this!!!!! He is buried in the backyard, well not really but I was pretty pissed.’ kperkins1982
No jury would convict her.
READ MORE
This physicist wife’s fury at her ‘insane’ philosophical husband is a very funny read
Source Reddit u/AJBHcats


thepoke--2020-01-29--Someone put this second hand ‘Ted from Postman Pat love doll’ up for sale and there are questions, s

Someone put this second hand ‘Ted from Postman Pat love doll’ up for sale and there are questions, so many questions

In today ’ s instalment of stuff people put up for sale on Facebook comes this monstrosity , a second @ @ @ @ @ that apparently arrived by mistake .
Is there any other way it could arrive ?
@ @ @ @ @ ’ said @ andyparmo on Twitter and it ’ s fair to say he ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
This story about a sex doll has gone viral because it ’ s a @ @ @ @ @ to finish ”

Pics
In today’s instalment of stuff people put up for sale on Facebook comes this monstrosity, a second hand ‘Ted from Postman Pat love doll’ that apparently arrived by mistake.
Is there any other way it could arrive?
‘I have questions,’ said @andyparmo on Twitter and it’s fair to say he’s not the only one.
‘I meant to order Postman Pat …’
"Never used" — Andy Parmo (@andyparmo) January 28, 2020
1) is a love doll what I cringingly think it is?
2) why does a postman pat range of these even exist?
3) wtf, obvs? — Liz Hartley 🇪🇺🕷 (@thefsgirl) January 28, 2020
I saw this and offered to trade for my Mrs Goggins one but apparently it's not a fair swap because she's 'lightly used & makes an unusual sound when emptied.' — Lu Sea (@Lu_Sea_Em) January 28, 2020
Bloody hell. Ringo Starr's looking as rough AF. — Oonagh (@Okeating) January 28, 2020
I have questions aswell …. …….. 🤔 — Postman Pat (@PostmanPat__) January 28, 2020
READ MORE
This story about a sex doll has gone viral because it’s a “wild ride from start to finish”
Source Twitter @andyparmo


thepoke--2020-01-29--Paul Merton’s fabulous story about Nicholas Parsons will make your day better

Love this Paul Merton story about the late , great Nicholas Parsons , who died this week aged 96 .
@ @ @ @ @ worked with Parsons on countless episodes of Radio 4 ’ s Just A Minute .
@ @ @ @ @ , a letter by Kenneth Williams about Parsons shared by @ LettersofNote on Twitter which @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Kenneth Williams on Nicholas Parsons , in a letter to a fan , ’ @ @ @ @ @ ( I highly recommend imagining this in Williams ’ voice . )
Simply 23 lovely @ @ @ @ @ host Nicholas Parsons , who has died aged 96

Pics
Love this Paul Merton story about the late, great Nicholas Parsons, who died this week aged 96.
Merton, of course, worked with Parsons on countless episodes of Radio 4’s Just A Minute.
‘A favourite Nicholas Parsons story,’ said @mrneilforsyth on Twitter.
And there was also this, a letter by Kenneth Williams about Parsons shared by @LettersofNote on Twitter which also made us smile.
‘Kenneth Williams on Nicholas Parsons, in a letter to a fan,’ said @LettersofNote. ‘(I highly recommend imagining this in Williams’ voice.)’
READ MORE
Simply 23 lovely tributes to Just A Minute host Nicholas Parsons, who has died aged 96
Source Times diaryhttps://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-times-diary-tms-nicholas-parsons-and-the-pryorbriers-confusion-and-will-wimbledon-survive-sir-cliffs-absence-qbhg0766xqj Twitter @mrneilforsyth Image BBC


thepoke--2020-01-29--12 amazing pieces of street art that will really play tricks with your mind

Artist Leon Keer does a nice line in 3D art that plays tricks with your perception , but in a @ @ @ @ @ s one of his works being thoroughly put through its paces by his collaborator , @ @ @ @ @ Massina .
Suck on that , Banksy .
Here are some more of Keer ’ @ @ @ @

Pics
Artist Leon Keer does a nice line in 3D art that plays tricks with your perception, but in a good way.
Here’s one of his works being thoroughly put through its paces by his collaborator, Marije Spelbos, known as Massina.
Suck on that, Banksy. Here are some more of Keer’s magic paintings.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.


thepoke--2020-01-29--James O’Brien had the perfect burn for a caller pushing a wild EU conspiracy theory

As the Gilet Jaune protests continue on the streets of Paris , there have been questions about why they haven @ @ @ @ @ in the UK , with some claims that the mainstream media have buried the news @ @ @ @ @ James O ’ Brien discussed the fact that strikes are commonplace in France and barely @ @ @ @ @ as well as pointing out that the mainstream media had , in fact , been @ @ @ @ @ invited listeners to share their views .
One man , Phil , had an astonishing @ @ @ @ @ to share .
It ’ s rather special .
Got it .
Totally sounds legit @ @ @ @ @ ’ assessment of Phil at the end ; in case you missed it … To @ @ @ @ @ into LBC from 10 am on weekdays .
Listen to a Boris Johnson fan calling @ @ @ @ @ a snowflake loser ” as his argument crumbles

Videos
As the Gilets Jaunes protests continue on the streets of Paris, there have been questions about why they haven’t had more coverage in the UK, with some claims that the mainstream media have buried the news.
On Tuesday morning, James O’Brien discussed the fact that strikes are commonplace in France and barely warrant a mention there, as well as pointing out that the mainstream media had, in fact, been covering the protests. He invited listeners to share their views.
One man, Phil, had an astonishing bit of “information” to share. It’s rather special.
James: There’s a list in Brussels about people who aren’t allowed to film in Paris? Phil: Er …and any other European countries which are anti-EU.
Got it. Totally sounds legit. We particularly enjoyed James’ assessment of Phil at the end; in case you missed it …
“I presume you wear slip-ons, don’t you, ’cause shoe laces are so tricky.”
from Mic Drop GIFs via Gfycat
To hear James live, tune into LBC from 10 am on weekdays.
READ MORE
Listen to a Boris Johnson fan calling James O’Brien “a snowflake loser” as his argument crumbles
Source LBC Image LBC @ev on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-29--The vegan options on this menu are so bad, Piers Morgan would love them

We have Reddit user Naptownfellow to thank for sharing this menu , which definitely hasn ’ t signed up to @ @ @ @ @ love it , but these people didn ’ t .
I get this whole menu @ @ @ @ @ , I ’ m not even a vegan and this is getting old .
Let @ @ @ @ @ , let restaurants serve what they want but there is no need to be a @ @ @ @ @ aren ’ t any vegan options just say “ no vegan options ” Huh , @ @ @ @ @ restaurant that tells a part of their potential clientele to fuck off .
This isn @ @ @ @ @ is pathetic and childish .
Oh wow that is so funny , innovative and unique…i @ @ @ @ @ board outside that say “ soup of the day…beer ” and a calc board with @ @ @ @ @ beer … .
Yes …and Yes , but in green ” But there ’ s @ @ @ @ @ Wagamama got Piers Morgan riled over their vegan tuna all over again

Pics
We have Reddit user Naptownfellow to thank for sharing this menu, which definitely hasn’t signed up to Veganuary.
Piers Morgan would love it, but these people didn’t.
I get this whole menu is a joke but honestly, I’m not even a vegan and this is getting old. Let people eat what they want, let restaurants serve what they want but there is no need to be a dick about it… if there aren’t any vegan options just say “no vegan options” AbsentmindedlyInsane
Huh, look at that. A restaurant that tells a part of their potential clientele to fuck off. This isn’t funny, this is pathetic and childish. ZeenTex
Oh wow that is so funny, innovative and unique…i bet they also have a board outside that say “soup of the day…beer” and a calc board with “Should I have a beer …. Yes …and Yes, but in green” lunylein
But there’s always that Piers Morgan …
Can vegans ride cars? I mean, fossil fuel does have an animal source. Duck-billed_platy
READ MORE
Wagamama got Piers Morgan riled over their vegan tuna all over again
Source Reddit Image Reddit, veganliftz on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-29--Brits are finally united because of an American article about “pigs in blankets”

In spite of Boris Johnson ’ s assurances , the British people haven ’ t managed to put aside their @ @ @ @ @ an article in the New York Magazine might just have achieved what *checks notes* blue @ @ @ @ @ failed to achieve .
You what , mate ?
That ’ s clearly a photograph @ @ @ @ @ but you do you .
There was a veritable avalanche of criticism , but as @ @ @ @ @ point , here are five reactions that cover the whole problem perfectly .
A Gilded @ @ @ @ @ them the error of their ways .
However , Happy Toast had another culinary recommendation @ @ @ @ @ the US might really take to that cheese on toast .
People haven ’ t @ @ @ @ @ called Yorkshire puddings ‘ Dutch babies ’

Twitter
In spite of Boris Johnson’s assurances, the British people haven’t managed to put aside their differences over Brexit, but an article in the New York Magazine might just have achieved what *checks notes* blue passports and celebratory coins have failed to achieve.
Pigs in a blanket are the Tom Hanks of party snacks: universally beloved. They're unassuming, inoffensive, yet somehow still a joy to behold, writes @nikitarbk https://t.co/SVbb4WKrNM — New York Magazine (@NYMag) January 28, 2020
You what, mate? That’s clearly a photograph of substandard sausage rolls, but you do you.
There was a veritable avalanche of criticism, but as much of it repeated one point, here are five reactions that cover the whole problem perfectly.
1.
And as one the messy divided so-called country that is the UK finally unites to shout: THOSE ARE NOT PIGS IN BLANKETS. THEY’RE BLOODY SAUSAGE ROLLS. https://t.co/iDA3HDt3sL — Jay Rayner (@jayrayner1) January 28, 2020
2.
Alright America. You can have your weird spellings of 'honor' and 'color' etc, your weird aluminum, and even your frankly nonsense ideas of what chips, biscuits and scones are. But these, these are not pigs in blankets. These are sausage rolls. This is a hill I will die on. https://t.co/xux6TMW1ml — Scott Stemp (@scottstemp) January 28, 2020
3.
Tom Hanks reacting to your tweet: pic.twitter.com/pb5WrNBzfM — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 28, 2020
4.
So much wrong here. Not just the photo either. "pigs in a blanket" Go home @NYMag https://t.co/N9JEMCyExj — Lottie Gross (@lottiecgross) January 28, 2020
5.
You don’t realise what you have done to the Special Relationship. — Chris Cunningham (@ChrisCu10106064) January 28, 2020
A Gilded Eye set out to show them the error of their ways.
Those are sausage rolls. Pigs in blankets are these lads pic.twitter.com/hZExjw4lfa — A Gilded Eye (@AGildedEye) January 28, 2020
However, Happy Toast had another culinary recommendation.
If you like pigs in blankets you should try cheese on toast pic.twitter.com/kH5CoADKPV — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) January 28, 2020
We have a feeling the US might really take to that cheese on toast.
READ MORE
People haven’t been this furious since Americans called Yorkshire puddings ‘Dutch babies’
Source New York Magazine Image New York Magazine, A Gilded Eye


thepoke--2020-01-29--These 8 hilarious reactions to the Brian May sports bra will give you a lift

If you were surprised when Queen guitarist Brian May was revealed to be an astrophysicist , or became the Chancellor @ @ @ @ @ , then prepare yourself to see yet another unexpected facet of the man .
At @ @ @ @ @ images of Brian May ’ s range of guitars and is sold via his Brian @ @ @ @ @ you fancy one .
With a high Lycra content , it ’ s fair to @ @ @ @ @ would be *lowers sunglasses* under pressure .
The news was greeted with some bemusement online @ @ @ @ @ Rain , presumed he ’ d create bras in the same way he famously made @ @ @ @ @ Brian May didn ’ t like the Guardian slagging off Bohemian Rhapsody ’ s editing @ @ @ @ @ you ’ ll see why they did )

Twitter
If you were surprised when Queen guitarist Brian May was revealed to be an astrophysicist, or became the Chancellor of a university in Liverpool, then prepare yourself to see yet another unexpected facet of the man.
The Official Brian May Guitars sports bra is designed by Brian May, and is available nowhttps://t.co/38JqiD4V7o — Classic Rock (@ClassicRockMag) January 27, 2020
At £35, the bra features images of Brian May’s range of guitars and is sold via his Brian May Guitars company, should you fancy one.
With a high Lycra content, it’s fair to say that anyone wearing it would be *lowers sunglasses* under pressure.
The news was greeted with some bemusement online.
1.
2.
"I need to get a new sports bra, hope they've got one with pictures of Brian May's guitars on"
said no woman ever, yet they're here #sportsbra #Random https://t.co/MVTvEX8xCh — Sal W (@astrobungle) January 27, 2020
3.
You what now hang on I have several questions https://t.co/fZUKcomzuv — Bruce Gorrie (@bsgorrie) January 27, 2020
4.
All we hear is radio Bra Bra — QPR SFC (QPR Supporters Fc) (@AccStanBowlesFC) January 27, 2020
5.
“The Official Brian May Guitars sports bra is designed by Brian May, and is available now” pic.twitter.com/WYS7krzAg7 — Public Benjamin (@PublicBenjamin) January 27, 2020
6.
Another one hides the bust. — Dr. Steve, Forensic Psychologist & general git (@OhDoShutUpSteve) January 27, 2020
7.
Just proves that just because you're a rocket scientist doesn't mean you're smart. — Artie Fufkin 📀 (@ThatFufkinGuy) January 27, 2020
8.
“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.” https://t.co/0FdDsuJwkv — mnrrnt2 and 87 others (@mnrrntt) January 27, 2020
Funny tweeter, John Rain, presumed he’d create bras in the same way he famously made his Red Special guitar.
Of course Brian May's Sports Bras are made from an old fireplace. — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) January 28, 2020
Hot stuff.
READ MORE
Brian May didn’t like the Guardian slagging off Bohemian Rhapsody’s editing (but watch this and you’ll see why they did)
Source @ClassicRockMag Image Brian May Guitars, YouTube


thepoke--2020-01-29--People have been dishing out mockery for the Brexit tea towel – the 13 funniest comments

Just when you thought you couldn ’ t get any more excited about Brexit , with the nostalgic blue passports @ @ @ @ @ coins and all those extra British fish , the Conservatives have raised the bar with @ @ @ @ @ snip at £12 .
If they ’ d told us about this during the referendum @ @ @ @ @ been a landslide for Leave .
And if they ’ d mentioned this £6 fridge @ @ @ @ @ of the make-believe – here ’ s what people really thought of the tea-towel .

Twitter
Just when you thought you couldn’t get any more excited about Brexit, with the nostalgic blue passports, the shiny 50 pence coins and all those extra British fish, the Conservatives have raised the bar with some top-notch merch.
Brace yourself …
👀 Introducing our official limited edition Brexit tea towel. 🛍 Get yours now! 👉 https://t.co/7k72INqa35 pic.twitter.com/KXm4ABJA5l — Conservatives (@Conservatives) January 28, 2020
A snip at £12. If they’d told us about this during the referendum campaign, there would have been a landslide for Leave. And if they’d mentioned this £6 fridge magnet …
Okay, enough of the make-believe – here’s what people really thought of the tea-towel.
1.
Yours for a cool £70bn https://t.co/HjtpyIMzpx — Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) January 28, 2020
2.
They promised you freedom, you ended up with a fucking tea towel. https://t.co/Ai5UiXrTYs — Brexitshambles (@brexit_sham) January 28, 2020
3.
On television this morning @terrychristian said that this country was a laughing stock. With the release this evening by the ruling party of the 'Got Brexit Done' tea towel, I'd now like to offer Terry the chance to take that comment back. https://t.co/bcpyQEMEuX — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP 🇬🇧 (@MarkFrancois12) January 28, 2020
4.
Rollup! Roll up!
Tory Party HQ has worked out that if you're stupid enough to vote for Brexit, you will be stupid enough to pay £12 for a crappy tea towel. https://t.co/drr2EesqIS — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) January 28, 2020
5.
This is an actual real thing. 12 quid. Perfect valentine's gift for the fuckwitted racist of your dreams. https://t.co/RIsvRBWpvt — You can call me Q (@QuintinForbes) January 28, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-01-29--This ‘escaped leopard’ false alarm is just wonderful

The more we look at this , the more convinced we are that it actually IS an escaped leopard from @ @ @ @ @ GrantTindell , who shared the pictures on Twitter , says otherwise .
Are we positive @ @ @ @ @ dressing gown ?
Funniest case of mistaken identity you ’ ll see this week

Pics
The more we look at this, the more convinced we are that it actually IS an escaped leopard from Chester Zoo.
But @GrantTindell, who shared the pictures on Twitter, says otherwise.
https://twitter.com/GrantTindell/status/1222510421644599297?s=20
In close up …
And closer still …
Are we positive it’s definitely a dressing gown?
this is the most british thing I've ever seen https://t.co/4OWR2M2OiL — yennefer's unblended smokey eye (@poe_dayumeron) January 29, 2020
We are so close to the end, I feel it in my waters. https://t.co/QDv5JRI6BA — Alex McCall (@AlexMc2al2) January 29, 2020
We’re with this person.
i legit thought its an actual leopard and now i can’t unsee it 😭😭😭 — layali (@we3lash) January 29, 2020
READ MORE
Funniest case of mistaken identity you’ll see this week
Source Twitter @GrantTindell


thepoke--2020-01-29--‘They wanted to see who broke the side mirror, so they checked the CCTV’

They wanted to see who broke the side mirror , so they checked the CCTV , ’ writes nima_sh over @ @ @ @ @ prompted some very funny ( and only occasionally NSFW ) omments .
‘ Well , @ @ @ @ @ it ain ’ t the invisible cunt.
’ skekVex ‘ I understand this mirror .
@ @ @ @ @ give up entirely than attempt to reflect on the world around you.
’ CurlSagan ‘ @ @ @ @ @ off after being looked at 3763 times.
’ collapsing_sanity This amazing table tennis shot is @ @ @ @ @ of this world

Videos
They wanted to see who broke the side mirror, so they checked the CCTV,’ writes nima_sh over on Reddit.
And it prompted some very funny (and only occasionally NSFW) omments.
‘Well, well, well, if it ain’t the invisible cunt.’ skekVex ‘I understand this mirror. Sometimes, you would rather give up entirely than attempt to reflect on the world around you.’ CurlSagan ‘Planned obsolescence is getting crazy.’ SeeksNewWay ‘It was planned to fall off after being looked at 3763 times.’ collapsing_sanity
READ MORE
This amazing table tennis shot is off the screen and out of this world
Source Reddit u/nima_sh


thepoke--2020-01-29--This guy got a warning letter from his employer because his crappy car was making them look bad

This is either a salutary lesson for all of us to clean our car a bit more often , or it ’ s an outrageous piece of bellendery by an employer poking its nose where it definitely doesn ’ t belong .
‘ He drives a 2005 Camry .
It ’ s not wrecked , just old and fading paint .
He never has to meet anyone that they would ever see the car .
It ’ s literally just another car in the garage.
’ That ’ s not what their boss thought though .
Here are just a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it .
‘ If they aren ’ t offering a vehicle allowance there ’ s no reason they should care what he drives .
If they were giving him a couple hundred or thousand a month to pay for a new vehicle/lease and he ’ s not using that they would have a valid reason to complain.
’ NegativeRefrigerator ‘ For real .
OP should see this as a huge opportunity .
‘ I ’ m terribly sorry .
I hadn ’ t realized that my personal vehicle was of concern to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be happy to make an upgrade , and it ’ s very generous of you to offer .
Let me know if you ’ d prefer for me to purchase it personally and then file for reimbursement , or to purchase it with a company card.
’ SentientSlimeColony “ [ You appear to be in financial trouble because you don ’ t squander all of your money on depreciating assets . ]
” Fucking idiots.
’ Gymnocladusdioicus Other people were so outraged on their behalf that they were hoping the whole thing was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ because I am the VP Finance at my company and I drive a rusting 2007 accord .
Almost all of my colleagues drive nicer cars than me , and I ’ m 99 % certain that I ’ m in better financial standing than they are.
’ Four_stalls Having a bad day ?
It could be worse , you could be one of these 13 people

Pics
This is either a salutary lesson for all of us to clean our car a bit more often, or it’s an outrageous piece of bellendery by an employer poking its nose where it definitely doesn’t belong.
‘This email my coworker received today,’ wrote dorf-1 on Reddit.
‘He drives a 2005 Camry. It’s not wrecked, just old and fading paint. He never has to meet anyone that they would ever see the car. It’s literally just another car in the garage.’
That’s not what their boss thought though.
Here are just a few of the things people said about it.
‘If they aren’t offering a vehicle allowance there’s no reason they should care what he drives. If they were giving him a couple hundred or thousand a month to pay for a new vehicle/lease and he’s not using that they would have a valid reason to complain.’ NegativeRefrigerator ‘For real. OP should see this as a huge opportunity. ‘Here’s how to respond: ‘I’m terribly sorry. I hadn’t realized that my personal vehicle was of concern to the company. Of course I’ll be happy to make an upgrade, and it’s very generous of you to offer. Let me know if you’d prefer for me to purchase it personally and then file for reimbursement, or to purchase it with a company card.’ SentientSlimeColony “[You appear to be in financial trouble because you don’t squander all of your money on depreciating assets.]” Fucking idiots.’ Gymnocladusdioicus
Other people were so outraged on their behalf that they were hoping the whole thing was fake.
‘I’m laughing because I am the VP Finance at my company and I drive a rusting 2007 accord. Almost all of my colleagues drive nicer cars than me, and I’m 99% certain that I’m in better financial standing than they are.’ Four_stalls
READ MORE
Having a bad day? It could be worse, you could be one of these 13 people
Source Reddit u/dorf-1


thepoke--2020-01-29--The parent messed around with this kid’s food once too often and you’ve never seen a child move so f

The parent messed around with this kid’s food once too often and you’ve never seen a child move so fast

This is what happen if you push a kid to the edge … and them push them over it .
@ @ @ @ @ watch it in slow motion to work out what happened .
‘ I don ’ @ @ @ @ @ ever seen a child under 8 move that fast and accurate.
’ Variety_Pack ‘ I @ @ @ @ @ words “ mutha fucka ” after he did it too.
’ FleshTower This baby ’ @ @ @ @ @ first taste of ice cream is a very funny watch

Videos
This is what happen if you push a kid to the edge … and them push them over it.
So fast we had to watch it in slow motion to work out what happened.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child under 8 move that fast and accurate.’ Variety_Pack ‘Yeah I’m a bit unnerved by the speed.’ nutbagger18 ‘I swear he was mouthing the words “mutha fucka” after he did it too.’ FleshTower
READ MORE
This baby’s awestruck response to its first taste of ice cream is a very funny watch
Source Reddit u/ASK8ep


thepoke--2020-01-29--This amazing table tennis shot is off the screen and out of this world

Table tennis now – not a phrase we often ( ever ) use – but this extraordinary shot is definitely @ @ @ @ @ your time .
And the good news is you don ’ t have to be @ @ @ @ @ enjoy ( and appreciate ) it .
‘ I ’ ve never seen a ping @ @ @ @ @ , ’ said SatanOnDota who shared it on Reddit .
Simply the most impressive indoor @ @ @ @ @ ll see anytime soon

Videos
Table tennis now – not a phrase we often (ever) use – but this extraordinary shot is definitely worth a few seconds of your time.
And the good news is you don’t have to be a ping pong devotee to enjoy (and appreciate) it.
‘I’ve never seen a ping so ponged in my life,’ said SatanOnDota who shared it on Reddit.
Glitch in the matrix?
READ MORE
Simply the most impressive indoor golf trick shot you’ll see anytime soon
Source Reddit u/SatanOnDota


thepoke--2020-01-29--‘Now THIS is how you break up’

‘Now THIS is how you break up’

There ’ s breaking up and there ’ s breaking up .
And then there ’ s breaking up … @ @ @ @ @ went viral on Reddit where lots of people were convinced it was photoshopped .
It @ @ @ @ @ that ’ s a genuine billboard – but people were right to raise an eyebrow @ @ @ @ @ was a marketing stunt for a US TV show back back in the mists of @ @ @ @ @ “ Emily is really an amalgam of all of us who have been cheated on @ @ @ @ @ the TV executives responsible .
“ Clearly , this really resonated with people.
” Could @ @ @ @ @ though .
‘ This could be really awkward for some other Steven whose wife ’ @ @ @ @ @ Emily.
’ LoveToast64 ‘ Especially if he ’ s cheating , and she didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ heartfelt break-up text went awry and we feel bad for laughing

Pics
There’s breaking up and there’s breaking up. And then there’s breaking up … like THIS.
The billboard went viral on Reddit where lots of people were convinced it was photoshopped.
It’s not photoshopped – that’s a genuine billboard – but people were right to raise an eyebrow. It turns out it was a marketing stunt for a US TV show back back in the mists of time (2006).
“Emily is really an amalgam of all of us who have been cheated on,” said one of the TV executives responsible. “Clearly, this really resonated with people.”
Could have had unfortunate unforeseen circumstances though.
‘This could be really awkward for some other Steven whose wife’s name happens to be Emily.’ LoveToast64 ‘Especially if he’s cheating, and she didn’t know.’ AnomalousAvocado
READ MORE
This heartfelt break-up text went awry and we feel bad for laughing
Source Reddit u/G0dzilla11


thepoke--2020-01-29--5 favourite furious reactions to Mrs Brown’s Boys’ win at the National Television Awards

As you can ’ t possibly have failed to have missed by now , something called Mrs Brown ’ s @ @ @ @ @ the National Television Awards on ITV last night .
The awards are voted for by @ @ @ @ @ s fair to say a lot of people – especially a lot of people on @ @ @ @ @ happy that it beat other shows that were nominated including Fleabag , for example .
@ @ @ @ @ furious responses .
And just in case you ’ ve never seen it … Lots @ @ @ @ @ , obviously , and it ’ s only right that everyone should respect that .
@ @ @ @ @ of Mrs Brown Boy ’ s is worth reading for the viciousness

Twitter
As you can’t possibly have failed to have missed by now, something called Mrs Brown’s Boys won Best Comedy at the National Television Awards on ITV last night.
Congratulations to #MrsBrownsBoys for winning the Comedy award at the #NTAs. pic.twitter.com/eFhyVSVTuw — BBC Press Office (@bbcpress) January 28, 2020
The awards are voted for by the public but it’s fair to say a lot of people – especially a lot of people on Twitter – weren’t happy that it beat other shows that were nominated including Fleabag, for example.
Here are our 5 favourite furious responses.
Mrs Brown's Boys beating Derry Girls and Fleabag at the National Television Awards is yet another example of why the British public shouldn’t be allowed to vote for things. #NTAs — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 28, 2020
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1222259619273244678?s=20
The fact that Mrs Brown's Boys could win best comedy gives hope to us all. I could potentially win best squirrel, or best family saloon. https://t.co/mQ1AVaw6yy — cluedont (@cluedont) January 29, 2020
https://twitter.com/Kryten1888/status/1222500786518683648?s=20
https://twitter.com/pearlylondon/status/1222251791837954051?s=20
And just in case you’ve never seen it …
In case you’ve never seen an episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys, simply shit in your hands and smear it all over your TV screen. It’s basically the same thing … #NTAs — AngryBritain.com (@AngryBritain) January 28, 2020
Lots of people like it too, obviously, and it’s only right that everyone should respect that.
Revelations 7:12 “… and lo, Satan put forth a man dressed as a woman doing knob gags and the people voted it Best Comedy for they were afflicted with a great denseness of mind” pic.twitter.com/krj6RbI1RE — The Poke (@ThePoke) January 29, 2020
READ MORE
The Observer’s review of Mrs Brown Boy’s is worth reading for the viciousness


thepoke--2020-01-29--Donald Trump’s brain short circuited and even the Fox News person laughed

Here ’ s Donald Trump addressing the faithful at a rally in New Jersey when Fox News suddenly had something @ @ @ @ @ Probably they had lots of other stuff to talk about , but maybe it was @ @ @ @ @ brain appeared to suffer an unfortunate short circuit and they thought it was best to @ @ @ @ @ the truth , it sounds like even one of their presenters couldn ’ t resist @ @ @ @ @ just a few of the things people said about the clip which went viral on @ @ @ @ @ said Trump stands like a centaur without hind legs and once seen it ’ s @ @

Videos
Here’s Donald Trump addressing the faithful at a rally in New Jersey when Fox News suddenly had something more important to do.
Probably they had lots of other stuff to talk about, but maybe it was also because Trump’s brain appeared to suffer an unfortunate short circuit and they thought it was best to go somewhere else.
Whatever the truth, it sounds like even one of their presenters couldn’t resist a giggle.
Fox News cut away from Trump’s rally immediately after his brain short-circuited pic.twitter.com/0jgKzVLb9E — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 29, 2020
Quick, back to the studio!
Is that laugh I heard from Fox? — Mike C! (@HiIamMikeC) January 29, 2020
Yes but I don’t know who did it — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) January 29, 2020
Some future CNN employee. — Schooley (@Rschooley) January 29, 2020
Here are just a few of the things people said about the clip which went viral on Twitter, naturally.
https://twitter.com/Politidope/status/1222503760058093568?s=20
https://twitter.com/DrDenaGrayson/status/1222388596906192897?s=20
WHY do they still let him speak in public? This is elder abuse. You can even hear someone from FOX News giggling at him before they cut away. Holy shit. https://t.co/ad8T4NZFB1 — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 29, 2020
This is concerning. Wondering how long this can be ignored. Is there anyone left in his team that cares about his health and mental acuity? https://t.co/7GOtBY6PvU — Anthony Scaramucci (@Scaramucci) January 29, 2020
READ MORE
Someone said Trump stands like a centaur without hind legs and once seen it’s never unseen
Source Twitter @atrupar


thepoke--2020-01-30--The way this amazing bowls shot develops isn’t just next level, it’s the level beyond that

The last time we watched the bowls David Bryant was still smoking his pipe and working his magic .
But @ @ @ @ @ have got us interested in it all over again .
It ’ s probably not @ @ @ @ @ viral on Reddit but , seriously , have a watch of this .
And here @ @ @ @ @ made of that .
‘ I don ’ t even know what the goal of @ @ @ @ @ that looked impressive as heck.
’ Sir-Drewid ‘ It ’ s curling for people that @ @ @ @ @ ice and friends with brooms.
’ Stalking_Goat This amazing table tennis shot is off the @ @ @ @ @ world

Videos
The last time we watched the bowls David Bryant was still smoking his pipe and working his magic.
But this amazing shot might just have got us interested in it all over again. It’s probably not too often that bowls goes viral on Reddit but, seriously, have a watch of this.
And here’s precisely what people made of that.
‘That was actually crazy.’ SenorAsssHat ‘This dude sold his fucking soul for sure.’ WinkleStinkle ‘I don’t even know what the goal of this game is, but that looked impressive as heck.’ Sir-Drewid ‘It’s curling for people that don’t have both ice and friends with brooms.’ Stalking_Goat
READ MORE
This amazing table tennis shot is off the screen and out of this world
Source Reddit u/trueadventures


thepoke--2020-01-30--12 things this close-up of the Sun looks like – and it’s mostly tasty treats

The National Science Foundation ’ s Daniel K. Inouye Solar Telescope has captured the best close-up image of the Sun @ @ @ @ @ ’ s quite fascinating .
The telescope , situated on the summit of Haleakala , @ @ @ @ @ zoomed in on the boiling plasma that covers the Sun , with each of the @ @ @ @ @ size of Texas .
But it wasn ’ t the science or technological achievement that @ @ @ @ @ as all the things people think the Sun looks like .

News
The National Science Foundation’s Daniel K. Inouye Solar Telescope has captured the best close-up image of the Sun ever seen, and it’s quite fascinating.
The telescope, situated on the summit of Haleakala, Maui, in Hawaii, zoomed in on the boiling plasma that covers the Sun, with each of the visible sections being approximately the size of Texas.
But it wasn’t the science or technological achievement that fascinated Twitter, as much as all the things people think the Sun looks like.
1.
Bro that's not the sun, that's salted peanuts. https://t.co/BXyOZPbzeG — Music Takes Over (@MTO_Twitch) January 30, 2020
2.
I believe this is a zoomed in version of honey nut bars pic.twitter.com/oXYlaICIX2 — chichi (@25ShadesOfBrown) January 29, 2020
3.
I always knew the sun was really just a giant ball of sugar puffs https://t.co/MwvAtvUxmd — ＳＴＲＡＮＧＥ (@StrangeWoof) January 30, 2020
4.
this just in: the sun is made of piss https://t.co/0v84FDDOop —  @ BEASTARS S2!! (@Rikyln) January 30, 2020
5.
The surface of the sun really just glowstone bro https://t.co/l1Q8xMXMMq pic.twitter.com/Mc7PiyaMBG — Caleb Lewis (@kzlewis37) January 30, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-01-30--‘Wait ’til the girl starts to sing’

‘Wait ’til the girl starts to sing’

It starts off pretty bad , then it gets really good , then it goes next level .
‘ I @ @ @ @ @ me BFFFRPHWIWAH BFfBFfHUHBRFWIWAH.
’ TheresAnEnzyme4That This young band is brilliant but the drummer is ASTOUNDING @

Videos
It starts off not great, to be honest, then it gets really good, then it goes next level.
Told you!
‘I love it when you call me BFFFRPHWIWAH BFfBFfHUHBRFWIWAH.’ TheresAnEnzyme4That
READ MORE
This young band is brilliant but the drummer is ASTOUNDING!
Source Reddit u/20boiledcabbage


thepoke--2020-01-30--17 delightfully refreshing examples of funny but polite graffiti

Not all graffiti can be stuck in one pigeonhole ; there ’ s a world of difference between a Banksy @ @ @ @ @ a building and the message about Jonno ’ s mum on the fence behind Lidl @ @ @ @ @ , while a lot of it could be objectively described as offensive , these examples @ @ @ @ @ remarkably polite , which makes a refreshing change .

Pics
Not all graffiti can be stuck in one pigeonhole; there’s a world of difference between a Banksy rat on the side of a building and the message about Jonno’s mum on the fence behind Lidl, for example.
Also, while a lot of it could be objectively described as offensive, these examples gathered by Bored Panda are remarkably polite, which makes a refreshing change.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.


thepoke--2020-01-30--‘Man I hate Facebook’

‘Man I hate Facebook’

The best thing about selling stuff online is that you might make a bit of money out of it .
@ @ @ @ @ stuff online is … having to sell stuff online .
Because of things like this @ @ @ @ @ online guaranteed to raise a smile or your hackles ( or both )

Popular
The best thing about selling stuff online is that you might make a bit of money out of it. The worst thing about selling stuff online is … having to sell stuff online.
Because of things like this.
‘Man I hate Facebook,’ writes isshootamai over on Reddit.
READ MORE
17 people selling stuff online guaranteed to raise a smile or your hackles (or both)
Source Reddit u/isshootamai


thepoke--2020-01-30--The takedown of this person who suggested atheists shouldn’t take religious holidays was god-given

Leading contender for Q & A of the week comes this exchange which began with someone questioning why atheists should @ @ @ @ @ holidays if they ’ re not , you know , religious .
Although , as @ @ @ @ @ ’ s a little bit ( a lot ) more complicated than that .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ can celebrate culture and not be religious and you can be religious and believe in @ @ @ @ @ t mutually exclusive unless you ’ re a religious/secular fanatic.
’ The takedown of this @ @ @ @ @ in its entirety was sheer perfection

Pics
Leading contender for Q&A of the week comes this exchange which began with someone questioning why atheists should be allowed to take religious holidays if they’re not, you know, religious.
‘There was an attempt … to shame atheists and take away their holidays,’ wrote UDKGankyChan on Reddit.
Although, as NauticalAxis pointed out, it’s a little bit (a lot) more complicated than that.
‘Newsflash, people: you can celebrate culture and not be religious and you can be religious and believe in science. They aren’t mutually exclusive unless you’re a religious/secular fanatic.’
READ MORE
The takedown of this person who defended the Bible in its entirety was sheer perfection
Source Reddit u/UDKGankyChan Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-30--This black hole waterslide in Germany is next level stuff

This black hole waterslide in Germany looks like quite the ride .
This + LSD and you ’ ll end @ @ @ @ @ album of all time , ’ said danuelLjackson .
The cat nearly ruined this crazily @ @ @ @ @ making it even better

Videos
This black hole waterslide in Germany looks like quite the ride.
‘Willy Wonka’s slide to hell,’ reckoned ProSlacker22.
This + LSD and you’ll end up writing the next greatest album of all time,’ said danuelLjackson.
mesposito1219: ‘Dark Slide of the Moon?’
READ MORE
The cat nearly ruined this crazily elaborate stunt but ended up making it even better
Source Reddit u/lessons_learnt Imgur


thepoke--2020-01-30--A so-called friend asked to borrow a bride’s dress for the hen party and it didn’t end well

This is why you should never borrow anything from a friend that is more expensive than , say , a @ @ @ @ @ a push , an extension lead .
Wife ’ s Choosing Beggar Friend Begging for @ @ @ @ @ Even Though They ’ re Not The Same Size , ’ wrote TheBreakUp2013 on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ quickly ( it ’ s the bit about the lease that seals it for us @ @ @ @ @ upset I won ’ t let him use my new car to get laid ’

Popular
This is why you should never borrow anything from a friend that is more expensive than, say, a bottle opener or, at a push, an extension lead.
‘Wife’s Choosing Beggar Friend Begging for Clothes for Vegas Bachelorette Party Even Though They’re Not The Same Size,’ wrote TheBreakUp2013 on Reddit.
Well, that escalated quickly (it’s the bit about the lease that seals it for us).
READ MORE
‘Friend is upset I won’t let him use my new car to get laid’
Source Reddit u/TheBreakUp2013 Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-30--This 4-year-old’s Dinosaur Love Song is hilariously brutal

Musician and songwriter Tom Rosenthal ‘ s four-year-old daughter , Fenn , has a glittering career ahead of her as a chip off the old block , if her recent composition ‘ Dinosaurs in Love ’ is anything to go by .
Tom gave Fenn the chance to record something in his home studio , and she freestyled like a boss .
Hear it for yourself .
“ Dinosaurs eating people .
Dinosaurs in love .
Dinosaurs having a party , They eat fruit and cucumber .
They fell in love .
They say “ thank you ” .
A @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Dinosaurs , dinosaurs fell in love , Buy they didn ’ t say “ goodbyyye.
” But they didn ’ t say “ good …bye.
” Clearly a work of genius .
A brutal genius , but nonetheless .
Almost two and a half million people have heard the song since it was posted on Tuesday , and they love it .
Some people thought the song was rather reminiscent of this work by the talented Ben Cameron .
We ’ d love to see that .
Finally , the Natural History Museum @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ d expect .
Well , they do have bones in the game .

Popular
Musician and songwriter Tom Rosenthal‘s almost-year-old daughter, Fenn, has a glittering career ahead of her as a chip off the old block, if her recent composition ‘Dinosaurs in Love’ is anything to go by.
Update: we had previously reported her age as four, but she’s not quite there yet.
Tom gave Fenn the chance to record something in his home studio, and she freestyled like a boss.
Hear it for yourself.
Fenn, my nearly 4 year old daughter, recorded her first ever solo song today. She came up with all the words herself and I helped her a little bit with the tune. It’s called ‘Dinosaurs in Love’. 🦕❤🦕 pic.twitter.com/erCgG0sUvP — Tom Rosenthal (@tomrosenthal) January 28, 2020
“Dinosaurs eating people.
Dinosaurs in love.
Dinosaurs having a party,
They eat fruit and cucumber. They fell in love.
They say “thank you”.
A big bang came
And they died.
Dinosaurs, dinosaurs fell in love,
Buy they didn’t say “goodbyyye.”
But they didn’t say “good …bye.”
Clearly a work of genius. A brutal genius, but nonetheless.
Almost two and a half million people have heard the song since it was posted on Tuesday, and they love it.
This is the best thing you will hear this year. https://t.co/RXB8vA0Xdq — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) January 30, 2020
Beautiful. Got a real Adele vibe to it. https://t.co/HY0ESM57Kh — Ralf Little (@RalfLittle) January 30, 2020
Covering this on my next album. https://t.co/L51ztXXaSl — Curtis Stigers (@curtisstigers) January 30, 2020
I believe this is geo-historically completely accurate. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 29, 2020
Some people thought the song was rather reminiscent of this work by the talented Ben Cameron.
The worlds saddest doodle (according to some) pic.twitter.com/nZfgdvMDKw — Se Bensible (@ben_cameron) April 15, 2014
Ben added this:
I’ve never felt a stronger urge to animate a doodle to match a song — Se Bensible (@ben_cameron) January 30, 2020
We’d love to see that.
Finally, the Natural History Museum had a strong reaction, as you’d expect.
we're not crying you're crying https://t.co/tIzEtmCmmq — Natural History Museum (@NHM_London) January 29, 2020
Well, they do have bones in the game.
Source Tom Rosenthal Image Ben Cameron, @leowieling on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-30--Perspective made this little insect look like a sci-fi blockbuster alien

We ’ ll admit we ’ re a little hooked on Reddit ’ s r/confusing_perspective forum , and enjoy trying @ @ @ @ @ s going on in the tricky images .
A Redditor named u/JustABigBitch posted this bizarre @ @ @ @ @ which made what appears to be a common grasshopper look like something from a Japanese @ @ @ @ @ much look forward to the day this turns up on a conspiracy theory website as @ @ @ @ @ The perspective in these 18 images will make you question your own eyes

Pics
We’ll admit we’re a little hooked on Reddit’s r/confusing_perspective forum, and enjoy trying to figure out what’s going on in the tricky images.
A Redditor named u/JustABigBitch posted this bizarre picture from their dashcam, which made what appears to be a common grasshopper look like something from a Japanese sci-fi flick.
We very much look forward to the day this turns up on a conspiracy theory website as proof of alien life.
READ MORE
The perspective in these 18 images will make you question your own eyes
Source Reddit Image Reddit, Stanley Nguma on Pexels