thepoke--2020-09-09--People are baffled by the White House Press Secretary’s claims that Obama promised a vaccine

White House Press Secretary , Kayleigh McEnany ’ s trustworthiness can best be demonstrated by the fact that she described @ @ @ @ @ informed person on the planet .
With the US struggling against increasing coronavirus cases , @ @ @ @ @ to the previous incumbent .
If she meant a swine flu vaccine , the Obama @ @ @ @ @ one , so we ’ re still none the wiser .
It isn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ fans appear to have blamed Obama for something that didn ’ t happen on his @ @ @ @ @ s Press Secretary described herself as “ transparent and honest ” – 15 glorious pisstakes

Videos
White House Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany’s trustworthiness can best be demonstrated by the fact that she described Donald Trump as the most informed person on the planet.
Kayleigh: The President does read and also consumes intelligence verbally. This President is the most informed person on the planet earth when it comes to the threats that we face pic.twitter.com/tr0e8MU0LN — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) June 30, 2020
With the US struggling against increasing coronavirus cases, she compared the current President to the previous incumbent.
“Wut”, indeed!
If she meant a swine flu vaccine, the Obama administration oversaw the delivery of one, so we’re still none the wiser.
Here’s how people reacted.
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2.
timelord obama has a lotta splaining to do https://t.co/0EzbB8UHxF — Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) September 8, 2020
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To cover up for their murderous failures, trump’s liars are blaming Pres Obama for not creating a vaccine for the virus which didn’t exist until years after Obama left office. https://t.co/H2LtnLjnh3 — Bill Pascrell, Jr. (@BillPascrell) September 8, 2020
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Good morning, @PressSec — as you know, the coronavirus appeared in the US for the first time in 2020. Why did you just lie and say that Obama and Biden promised a vaccine? President Obama left office in January 2017. Those are facts. You are lying. https://t.co/Xg4rla39ke — Jennifer Taub (@jentaub) September 8, 2020
5.
yes, that dastardly Obama/Biden duo which failed to produce a vaccine for a virus that didn't exist yet. https://t.co/TOtRjUC2M2 — Imani Gandy ☄🌏🔥 (@AngryBlackLady) September 8, 2020
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Obama/Biden left office in 2017, the disease is called COVID-19, do the math https://t.co/w2tH7SeUFh — Arthur Chu (@arthur_affect) September 8, 2020
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So she is also giving credit to Obama for anticipating the pandemic several years in advance. Every sentence is a combined masterclass in self own and stupidity and deception. — Executive Order Singh, MD 🌊 (@LabyrinthWeaver) September 8, 2020
It isn’t even the first time Trump fans appear to have blamed Obama for something that didn’t happen on his watch.
WH spox: "Pres. Trump tore through bureaucratic barriers …Compare that to Obama-Biden where they promised a vaccine and they vastly underperformed."
Reminds me of the poll a few years ago that showed 29% of voters in Louisiana blamed Obama on the federal mishandling of Katrina. https://t.co/WXsko9AMWW — Kenn White (@kennwhite) September 8, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump’s Press Secretary described herself as “transparent and honest” – 15 glorious pisstakes
Source Aaron Rupar Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-09--7 sceptical responses to Lord Sugar’s call for the country to go back to normality

With the opening of Apprentice winner Carina Lepore ’ s second bakery , she and her mentor , Lord Sugar @ @ @ @ @ Holly on This Morning .
While their plans for the bakery chain were understandable , @ @ @ @ @ that it ’ s time everyone got back to normal were a little more controversial @ @ @ @ @ the tech entrepreneur insisted that lockdown should end because he didn ’ t know anybody @ @ @ @ @ it wasn ’ t that surprising to hear him say And here he is demonstrating @ @ @ @ @ we can get back to normality .
Of course , some people agreed with him @ @ @ @ @ But a lot more questioned his priorities .
Lord Sugar thinks lockdown should end because @ @ @ @ @ only 5 responses you need

Videos
With the opening of Apprentice winner Carina Lepore’s second bakery, she and her mentor, Lord Sugar, spoke to Phil and Holly on This Morning.
While their plans for the bakery chain were understandable, Lord Sugar’s insistence that it’s time everyone got back to normal were a little more controversial.
Back in June, the tech entrepreneur insisted that lockdown should end because he didn’t know anybody who had died, so it wasn’t that surprising to hear him say
“Get out there and face up to the fact that we’ve got to get back to some form of normality …if people act sensibly we can get back to normality.”
He added
“We have been told what to do …
Keep ourselves apart from others …
Wear a mask, wash hands …
Don’t touch your face …”
And here he is demonstrating how to act sensibly so we can get back to normality.
Of course, some people agreed with him, like this tweeter.
Love Lord Sugar..telling it like it is pic.twitter.com/wljsyt1wzK — Marianne (@MarianneSansum) September 8, 2020
But a lot more questioned his priorities.
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Multi-millionaire Lord Sugar on #ThisMorning telling everyone to get back to their offices. A man who ‘commutes’ via chauffeur driven cars and can afford luxury houses near his workplaces. Seems to be the new 2020 thing: rich people telling everyday folk that they’re to blame — Guy Lambert (@GRALWrites) September 8, 2020
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I just cannot imagine why Alan Sugar, owner of a billion-pound property portfolio focused on commercial developments, wants people to get back to the office. pic.twitter.com/mu1yU2qoPX — Caroline Dodds Pennock (@carolinepennock) September 8, 2020
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Alan Sugar has a large property portfolio and is worried about the value of his office blocks falling, that is why he wants people to risk going back to work. It’s all about him, his millions and his private jet. #ThisMorning — Helen the Zen (@helenmallam) September 8, 2020
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Thanks to Alan Sugar, I now understand that we shouldn't work from home in order to stay alive, we should instead return to the office in order save his empire. I can't believe I have been wrong all this time — Lucy (@iamlucyrobinson) September 8, 2020
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"Let's get back to work", says Alan Sugar, "we know all the right things to do, like social distancing and wearing masks". Said whilst not social distancing or wearing a mask. #ThisMorning — Nick Kelly (@Nikkel71) September 8, 2020
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Fancy Lord Sugar wanting life to go back to normal ASAP #ThisMorning pic.twitter.com/YC8dblA5ZS — Matt (@Pringster78) September 8, 2020
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If people are perfectly able to do work from home, feel safer, are happier, AND it doesn’t affect the productivity. Why should they go back into packed offices whilst you and other rich elite can work from home in your gilded towers? Lord Sugar is a knob. #ThisMorning — Mollie Poppin (@MolliePoppin247) September 8, 2020
Andre answered Lord Sugar’s question.
"What are they fearful of?" I dunno Lord Sugar, something begining with C… #ThisMorning pic.twitter.com/M5kKrX0EHS — (@andresaidwhat) September 8, 2020
READ MORE
Lord Sugar thinks lockdown should end because no-one he knows died – only 5 responses you need
Source This Morning Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-09--Simply 17 funny things people said about Keir Starmer’s face at PMQs

Kier Starmer had a bit of a moment at Prime Minister ’ s Questions today after his attempts to get @ @ @ @ @ Boris Johnson didn ’ t go as well as he ’ d hoped .
How @ @ @ @ @ bad .
And if you ’ re thinking it ’ s the sort of picture @ @ @ @ @ , you ’ d be absolutely right .
Here are our favourite things people said @ @ @ @ @ 30 seconds is enough to justify 10 years of The One Show ’

Twitter
Kier Starmer had a bit of a moment at Prime Minister’s Questions today after his attempts to get a straight answer out of Boris Johnson didn’t go as well as he’d hoped.
How bad was it? This bad.
And if you’re thinking it’s the sort of picture that might become a meme, you’d be absolutely right. Here are our favourite things people said about it.
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I hope this email finds you well. pic.twitter.com/kxTYNl3ozQ — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) September 9, 2020
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When you think your dad is having a nap on the sofa and you try and turn the TV over, but then you hear his voice insisting that he isn't asleep, he's just resting his eyes. pic.twitter.com/La59ukqUWM — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 9, 2020
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when you're sat on the toilet and the water splashes up pic.twitter.com/ZNBUzuztp9 — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) September 9, 2020
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Boris Johnson’s seventh kid realising he won’t make the cutoff pic.twitter.com/SKZcStGh5l — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 9, 2020
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When you see someone pouring milk onto the teabag before the water. pic.twitter.com/XCEYzIFFTX — Ian Power (@IHPower) September 9, 2020
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Remembering a stupid comment I made 8 years ago. pic.twitter.com/tExFKbfPx5 — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) September 9, 2020
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when Hermes send you a message to say you missed your delivery despite the fact no one has knocked at your door pic.twitter.com/cHqddWn2bF — Alan White (@aljwhite) September 9, 2020
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When Phil Collins says: "Just think about it," on Another Day In Paradise. pic.twitter.com/h0CDAYlhng — David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) September 9, 2020
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When you walk on stage and see twelve people in the audience, including the promoter and his family, the support band and the bar staff. pic.twitter.com/c8Xy4LOPjP — Martin Carr (@martin_carr) September 9, 2020
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When I drop my son off at school and remember I’ve left his water bottle at home. pic.twitter.com/7FQkWv1IOV — John Rain (@MrKenShabby) September 9, 2020
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Let's go round the table and say something about ourselves. pic.twitter.com/eQK7n1G3zs — Benjamin Dixon (@BAJDixon) September 9, 2020
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*inner voice* “Don’t call him a shambolic, incompetent, lying twat. Don’t call him a shambolic, incompetent, lying twat. Don’t call him a shambolic, incompetent, lying twat. Don’t call him a shambolic, incompetent, lying twat. Don’t call him a shambolic, incompetent, lying twat.” — Andy Ringsell (@AndyRingsell1) September 9, 2020
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When your mum calls during the three-year-old's bathtime for the fourth consecutive day. pic.twitter.com/TD4TNRscyS — David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) September 9, 2020
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Ease it out gently, Keir, and blame any untoward fragrance on the dog. pic.twitter.com/s6Ta1bO6Rb — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) September 9, 2020
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When your mum tells you she's made mince & tatties for tea & she always puts big bits of carrot in it pic.twitter.com/GF6M1B3lZz — joe heenan (@joeheenan) September 9, 2020
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“Last night’s lasagne is travelling through me in a very limited and specific way…” — bighcarter (@BigHCarter) September 9, 2020
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When everyone else has a stab at a meme when yours is self-evidently superior pic.twitter.com/WQ89uD9J4A — Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) September 9, 2020
READ MORE
‘This 30 seconds is enough to justify 10 years of The One Show’


thepoke--2020-09-09--These Trump 2020 face masks ‘don’t pull your ears’ and they’re exactly what his supporters deserve

There are a lot of Donald Trump supporters who – like the man himself – aren ’ t too keen on wearing face masks .
Maybe the reason they don ’ t like them is because you have to loop them over your ears .
In which case , these could be exactly what they ’ re looking for .
‘ These masks that people are legitimately trying to sell in my town , ’ said LoserUser4 who shared them on Reddit .
‘ Considering they ’ re probably buying red g-strings wholesale and having them embroidered at a bulk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ profit ) , $ 15 makes sense .
However , I think we can all agree that the hilarity of Trumpers so desperate to “ own the libs ” that they ’ re running around with g-strings on their faces is priceless.
’ vox_leonis ‘ Somewhere there ’ s a guy with a warehouse full of unsold Trump thongs going “ Improvise , adapt , overcome ” ‘ SterlingVapor ‘ They must really want Trump to grab them.
’ DrKillJoyPHD People are baffled by the White House Press Secretary ’ s claims that @ @ @ @

Weird World
There are a lot of Donald Trump supporters who – like the man himself – aren’t too keen on wearing face masks.
Maybe the reason they don’t like them is because you have to loop them over your ears. In which case, these could be exactly what they’re looking for.
‘These masks that people are legitimately trying to sell in my town,’ said LoserUser4 who shared them on Reddit.
Beautiful.
‘Fifteen – FIFTEEN DOLLARS EACH?!’ Weeaboo-6934B ‘Considering they’re probably buying red g-strings wholesale and having them embroidered at a bulk rate (plus markup to make a profit), $15 makes sense. However, I think we can all agree that the hilarity of Trumpers so desperate to “own the libs” that they’re running around with g-strings on their faces is priceless.’ vox_leonis ‘Somewhere there’s a guy with a warehouse full of unsold Trump thongs going “Improvise, adapt, overcome”‘ SterlingVapor ‘They must really want Trump to grab them.’ DrKillJoyPHD ‘If the panties fit…’ IsaacTrantor
READ MORE
People are baffled by the White House Press Secretary’s claims that Obama promised a vaccine
Source Reddit u/LoserUser4


thepoke--2020-09-09--The ‘water clock’ at this Japanese railway station is simply next level stuff

There ’ s a subReddit called ‘ next level ’ and this is a classic of its type .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ Osaka Station , Japan , ’ said Redditor DortmunderJung97 who shared it .
‘ I @ @ @ @ @ and just watched it for about half an hour .
What ’ s strange about @ @ @ @ @ s kinda hidden away , not by the main entrance and almost under a staircase.
@ @ @ @ @ I ’ ve always wanted to go to Japan .
And everytime I go online @ @ @ @ @ however small.
’ AClassicHeckinFella

There’s a subReddit called ‘next level’ and this is a classic of its type.
‘This water clock at the Osaka Station, Japan,’ said Redditor DortmunderJung97 who shared it.
‘Holy buttstuff that’s friggin awesome.’ cole_fibbler
‘I have stood by this clock and just watched it for about half an hour. What’s strange about it is that it’s kinda hidden away, not by the main entrance and almost under a staircase.’ ifyhir
‘God, I’ve always wanted to go to Japan. And everytime I go online I get another reason, however small.’ AClassicHeckinFella


thepoke--2020-09-09--This letter from ‘Barry T. Tooth Fairy’ went viral all over again because it’s so well done

This letter from ‘ Barry T. Tooth Fairy ’ went viral on Reddit because so beautifully done .
It ’ s not the first time we ’ ve seen it but it made us smile all over again .
‘ Professionals have standards , ’ said rosebal who shared it on Reddit .
And just in case that ’ s tricky to read … This letter is to inform you that I have now taken receipt of your tooth and it is being dull processed in our system .
You will have noticed there has been a delay in your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I have to inform you that this is due to the condition in which we found said tooth .
We expect a certain amount of wear and tear on the teeth we appraise .
However , in this case your tooth had to be referred up to the committee for further analysis .
We believe this is due to the lack of care and attention by yourself .
We have detached more than trace amounts of Fanta™ and residual amounts of both cereal and chocolate which have not been removed by appropriate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your practice here as a matter of urgency .
Mr Warren , we will accept the tooth on this occasion but we need your assurances that the condition of your next tooth will be significantly better or we will withhold payment .
Beautifully done .
And just a tiny bit unsettling .
You are well aware that the Contract contains no clause on the requirements for my tooth to be in certain conditions .
Please be informed that in case of your refusal to proceed with your contractual obligations on processing my tooth @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ask my dad to initiate legal action against you .
This dentist wears a photo so people know what he really looks like

Pics
This letter from ‘Barry T. Tooth Fairy’ went viral on Reddit because so beautifully done. It’s not the first time we’ve seen it but it made us smile all over again.
‘Professionals have standards,’ said rosebal who shared it on Reddit.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
Dear Mr Warren This letter is to inform you that I have now taken receipt of your tooth and it is being dull processed in our system. You will have noticed there has been a delay in your payment for the tooth. Mr Warren, I have to inform you that this is due to the condition in which we found said tooth. We expect a certain amount of wear and tear on the teeth we appraise. However, in this case your tooth had to be referred up to the committee for further analysis. We believe this is due to the lack of care and attention by yourself. We have detached more than trace amounts of Fanta™ and residual amounts of both cereal and chocolate which have not been removed by appropriate brushing technique. We recommend you review your practice here as a matter of urgency. Mr Warren, we will accept the tooth on this occasion but we need your assurances that the condition of your next tooth will be significantly better or we will withhold payment. Sincerely yours Barry T. Tooth Fairy
Beautifully done. And just a tiny bit unsettling.
‘Start ‘em with the final notices early and they won’t freak out when they’re young adults. Absolutely beautiful.’ Clever_display_name
Another Redditor called TomataTomato suggested this reply.
“Dear Mr. Tooth Fairy, You are well aware that the Contract contains no clause on the requirements for my tooth to be in certain conditions.
Please be informed that in case of your refusal to proceed with your contractual obligations on processing my tooth I will have no choice but to ask my dad to initiate legal action against you. Sincerely, Mr. Warren”
Works for us.
READ MORE
This dentist wears a photo so people know what he really looks like
Source Reddit u/rosebal


thepoke--2020-09-10--Covidiot of the day

Covidiot of the day

There is SOOOOOO much more where this came from … ’ says OhNoEh over on Reddit .
Congratulations – you @ @ @ @ @ .
And our favourite 3 things people said about it .
‘ It is also @ @ @ @ @ is pretty close to what these people need.
’ coldgator ‘ Also KASM , which @ @ @ @ @ find if you peek inside their heads where their brain should be .
LEARN TO @ @ @ @ @ ‘ I ’ ve known it as MASK , but it means : Mental health @ @ @ @ @ rah_rah_amunrah_ This ‘ breathable ’ face mask ( and the reviews ) take ‘ covidiot @ @ @ @ @ level

Weird World
‘There is SOOOOOO much more where this came from …’ says OhNoEh over on Reddit.
Congratulations – you win covidiot of the day.
And our favourite 3 things people said about it.
‘It is also an anagram for SMAK which is pretty close to what these people need.’ coldgator ‘Also KASM, which is what you’ll find if you peek inside their heads where their brain should be. LEARN TO READ THE SIGNS’ Version_Two ‘I’ve known it as MASK, but it means:
Mental health
Assessment
Soon,
Karen’
rah_rah_amunrah_
READ MORE
This ‘breathable’ face mask (and the reviews) take ‘covidiot’ to a whole new level
Source Reddit u/OhNoEh


thepoke--2020-09-10--‘We attended a ‘Zoom Wedding’ yesterday, and dressed accordingly’

‘ We attended a ‘ Zoom Wedding ’ yesterday , and dressed accordingly , ’ said Zeehammer over on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ questions .
‘ It was my only clean formal top , I was never in @ @ @ @ @ ’ Zeehammer ‘ Do you have the impression that the wedding was still meaningful , @ @ @ @ @ couple and guests ?
’ YouDamnHotdog ‘ Incredibly so .
I was crying , spoke @ @ @ @ @ felt the same way.
’ Zeehammer ‘ You guys are going to have giants as @ @ @ @ @ do.
’ druid06 ‘ Hopefully they ’ ll be more coordinated than we are and @ @ @ @ @ or volleyball.
’ Zeehammer

‘We attended a ‘Zoom Wedding’ yesterday, and dressed accordingly,’ said Zeehammer over on Reddit.
And here they are …
And people had a few questions.
‘Wait, wait, wait… what’s with the white top?!’ AIMcnally2
‘It was my only clean formal top, I was never in view of the wedding ceremony.’ Zeehammer
‘Do you have the impression that the wedding was still meaningful, significant and memorable to the couple and guests?’ YouDamnHotdog
‘Incredibly so. I was crying, spoke to other viewers and they felt the same way.’ Zeehammer
‘Are yall 9 ft tall?’ blazedanddefused
‘You guys are going to have giants as kids or maybe you already do.’ druid06
‘Hopefully they’ll be more coordinated than we are and make some money playing basketball or volleyball.’ Zeehammer


thepoke--2020-09-10--This ‘breathable’ face mask (and the reviews) take ‘covidiot’ to a whole new level

‘ How are Americans this embarrassing … ’ asks @ 3mmawa over on Twitter after she shared these reviews for @ @ @ @ @ mask which , well , have a read for yourself .
A BBC reporter shared @ @ @ @ @ conspiracy theorists and it ’ s a grim but important read

Pics
‘How are Americans this embarrassing …’ asks @3mmawa over on Twitter after she shared these reviews for a ‘breathable’ face mask which, well, have a read for yourself.
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Genius indeed!
I see so many people wearing these, it takes so much of me not to call them out on their stupidity — WubzTheDubz🙏⛩ (@Im_Mr_Wubby) September 5, 2020
I want to move out of the country, I know I’ll get made fun of if I go somewhere else. I’ll just ride it out and hope I don’t die ✌ — Goobee (@Goobeechirps) September 5, 2020
Honestly I thought these people weren’t as abundant as they really are until I went back to working retail again because I needed the money. There are more of them than you’d think. We are supposed to refuse to serve them, but my coworkers are too nervous. I hate it here (Earth). — enrique marshall (@enriquemarshaII) September 6, 2020
To conclude …
https://twitter.com/BigJigglyPanda/status/1302676250822139905?s=20
READ MORE
Covidiot of the day refuses to go to a wedding if they have to wear a mask
Source Twitter @3mmawa


thepoke--2020-09-10--This sheepdog hasn’t quite nailed it yet and it’s just the content we needed today

This sheepdog hasn ’ t quite nailed it yet and it ’ s just the content we needed today , @ @ @ @ @ Twitter .
And you can follow @ SlenderSherbet on Twitter here !
This video of @ @ @ @ @ a jealous sibling is a very funny watch

Videos
This sheepdog hasn’t quite nailed it yet and it’s just the content we needed today, courtesy of @SlenderSherbet on Twitter.
When your lack of sheepdog experience is cruelly exposed on your first day. 📹: Imgur user WOBaskerville pic.twitter.com/aGXFgbbZoE — Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) September 7, 2020
Brilliant.
See this is what happens when you lie on your cv — David Aimes (@lynch559) September 7, 2020
It’s called Sheepdog “rope a dope” — Hugh “The Mask” Manatee, WtF? 😷 (@HughManatee69) September 7, 2020
One Lamb & His Dog — Citizen Pain – asking all the stupid questions (@LaDeDaGunnerG) September 7, 2020
And you can follow @SlenderSherbet on Twitter here!
READ MORE
This video of a gorilla mother dealing with a jealous sibling is a very funny watch
Source @SlenderSherbet


thepoke--2020-09-10--Today’s top 10 tweets about masks, slogans and Lockdown 2: the Revenge

Stay home .
Protect the NHS .
Wash your hands .
Don ’ t touch your face .
Eat out @ @ @ @ @ some exercise – not like that !
Go to the pub .
Go to the @ @ @ @ @ hug your granny .
The numbers are going up .
It ’ s YOUR fault @ @ @ @ @ house – unless you ’ re working or spending money .
Is it any wonder @ @ @ @ @ to cope ?
10 of the funniest coronavirus tweets we ’ ve seen today

Twitter
Stay home. Protect the NHS. Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face. Eat out to help out. Get some exercise – not like that! Go to the pub. Go to the office. Don’t hug your granny. The numbers are going up. It’s YOUR fault. Get back in your house – unless you’re working or spending money.
Is it any wonder people have to make jokes to cope?
1.
'We're breaking the law because we're COOL and HARD!!' *clock hands spin forward like 8 hours or so* 'Anyway, here's some new laws for you' — Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) September 8, 2020
2.
This morning my wife asked me whether I had any dark stuff, and I admitted that between the pandemic and the Trump administration I’ve been feeling a paralyzing mix of anxiety and depression. Then she said “No, I’m putting a load of laundry in.” — (((Josh Malina))) (@JoshMalina) September 8, 2020
3.
Protect yourself by shouting "Im at work bastard" to any coronavirus. — Dr Benjamin Janaway (@drjanaway) September 10, 2020
4.
Swear to god if this brings back zoom quizzes I will riot — Alexandra Haddow (@MissAHaddow) September 9, 2020
5.
"New restrictions will begin on Monday"
Phew!
Thank fuck Covid19 is flooring the loft until then — joe heenan (@joeheenan) September 9, 2020
6.
(if you are making up a medical condition to avoid wearing a mask. please don't, none of us have the patience to deal with your crap). pic.twitter.com/3OuIQMSYJk — Ivan 💥 (@StarStuff_ivan) September 9, 2020
7.
BREAKING NEWS: Government state we "MUST ACT NOW" to stop the spread of Covid. "NOW" has been tentatively pencilled in for a week next Tuesday. — The Original Twitflup! (@TheRealFlups) September 9, 2020
8.
If you say hands face space three times in the mirror Boris Johnson arrives and forces you go to an office — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) September 9, 2020
9.
Just take a moment to consider that this is how 2020 began, and it’s going to end with the police knocking on your door on Christmas Day, to make sure granny’s not there. pic.twitter.com/ekH1kHFXcn — Tom Peck (@tompeck) September 9, 2020
10.
Coronavirus when it sees a group of more than 6 but then realises they’re going to work. #Lockdown2 pic.twitter.com/XSHbhKgaxH — Mason Goatwood (@zoahms) September 9, 2020
BONUS
and if they’re not it releases a poisonous gas https://t.co/jP7BGBEElQ — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 9, 2020
READ MORE
10 of the funniest coronavirus tweets we’ve seen today
Image Marvin Meyer on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-10--The White House said Trump never downplayed the coronavirus and CNN didn’t mess around

It ’ s not the first time CNN has corrected Donald Trump , but we ’ re not sure it @ @ @ @ @ quite so starkly as this .
It ’ s CNN ’ s Brianna Keilar and @ @ @ @ @ watch for yourself .
Donald Trump trolled ‘ fading ’ Bob Woodward and this is @ @ @ @ @

Videos
It’s hardly the first time CNN has corrected Donald Trump, but we’re not sure it’s ever done it quite so starkly as this.
It’s the news network’s anchor Brianna Keilar and, well, have a watch for yourself.
CNN cuts away from press briefing: “All right, that was the press secretary at the White House lying. She said the president never downplayed the coronavirus ” pic.twitter.com/Mr1pcwaBFJ — Lis Power (@LisPower1) September 9, 2020
Boom.
And just in case you wanted to hear it from the so-called president himself.
“The President never downplayed the virus.” -Kayleigh McEnany “I wanted to always play it down.” -President Donald Trump pic.twitter.com/wlgicjgjT3 — ElElegante101 (@skolanach) September 9, 2020
Here are a few of the things people were saying about it.
“Alright. That was the Press Secretary at the White House lying.” #TrumpKnewpic.twitter.com/s4nO42qTAP — Greg Hogben (@MyDaughtersArmy) September 9, 2020
Wow. It’s about time. Americans deserve to hear the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to the President. — TW 🐝💛🥁🌊 (@TWheeler_01) September 9, 2020
Yet another reason we love Brianna Keilar: Keilar cut away from Kayleigh McEnany's press briefing/Lie-a-Thon to fact check her in real time. “That was the press secretary at the White House lying," said Keilar. "She said the president never downplayed the coronavirus.” https://t.co/y6oq0My9WP — Bob Geiger (@GeigerNews) September 9, 2020
Well done @CNN. We need this from UK journalists too — Paul (@Paul68958640) September 9, 2020
Gosh – the word lying now being used. Big step… https://t.co/T23SNrDS6z — Rory Cellan-Jones (@ruskin147) September 9, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump trolled ‘fading’ Bob Woodward and this is the only response you need
Source @LisPower1


thepoke--2020-09-10--Jimmy Fallon’s impression of Trump practising his Nobel Prize acceptance speech is spot on

The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon showed off his impersonation skills with this comedy version of what Donald Trump might @ @ @ @ @ speech for when he wins the Nobel Peace Prize .
Although , there ’ s @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s speeches are comedy .
Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel @ @ @ @ @ takedowns Source The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon Image The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

Videos
The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon showed off his impersonation skills with this comedy version of what Donald Trump might be like rehearsing his acceptance speech for when he wins the Nobel Peace Prize.
Although, there’s a strong argument that all Trump’s speeches are comedy.
Check it out.
Petition to make Jimmy Fallon president?
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Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize – 11 crushing takedowns
Source The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon Image The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon


thepoke--2020-09-10--Donald Trump trolled ‘fading’ Bob Woodward and this is the only response you need

Donald Trump deliberately played down the Covid-19 crisis despite knowing how severity of the pandemic threat , according to a @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ You just breathe the air and that ’ s how it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ Woodward .
‘ And so that ’ s a very tricky one .
That ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s also more deadly than even your strenuous flu … This is @ @ @ @ @ 18 interviews to Woodward , the Watergate reporter who is one of America ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ’ s what Trump had to say about the revelations today .
And this is @ @ @ @ @ need .
Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize – 11 crushing @

Twitter
Donald Trump deliberately played down the Covid-19 crisis despite knowing the severity of the pandemic threat, according to a new book by Bob Woodward.
‘You just breathe the air and that’s how it’s passed,’ Trump told Woodward. ‘And so that’s a very tricky one. That’s a very delicate one. It’s also more deadly than even your strenuous flu … This is deadly stuff.’
Trump gave 18 interviews to Woodward, the Watergate reporter who is one of America’s most respected journalists. Here’s what Trump had to say about the revelations today.
For years Fake stories and investigations, then the phony Russia, Russia, Russia HOAX, next Ukraine and the failed Impeachment, now the crummy Atlantic Magazine’s MADE UP STORY, and lastly, the political hit job by rapidly fading Bob Woodward and his boring book. It never ends! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 10, 2020
And this is surely the only response you need.
He should have googled Bob Woodward. — Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 9, 2020
And just in case you were wondering how Trump ended up giving 18 interviews to Woodward …
READ MORE
Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize – 11 crushing takedowns
Source @kumailn


thepoke--2020-09-10--Whoever did today’s Daily Star front page, take the rest of the week off

The Daily Star has come up with some memorable front pages during the course of the pandemic and today it @ @ @ @ @ it again .
Certainly makes an impression and reminded us of this effort from a @ @ @ @ @ one .
Oh , and this one .
There was one concern though … Whoever @ @ @ @ @ headline about Dominic Cummings , give yourself a pay rise

Pics
The Daily Star has come up with some memorable front pages during the course of the pandemic and today it’s gone and done it again.
Certainly makes an impression and reminded us of this effort from a while back.
And this one.
Oh, and this one.
Who is designing the Star front pages? Whoever it is has been playing an absolute blinder these last few months. https://t.co/AeslKZxYN0 — David Banks (@DBanksy) September 9, 2020
There was one concern though …
This front page is a typographical nightmare. Must be more than a dozen fonts! https://t.co/31MyMmLOMU — Jamie East (@jamieeast) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise
Source @MsHelicat


thepoke--2020-09-10--The guy weighing in on the Good Friday Agreement wins Mansplainer of the Week™

As the UK government openly attempts to break international law in its bid to ignore an existing treaty with the @ @ @ @ @ s adviser , Siobhán Fenton commented on the widely condemned move .
We ’ re @ @ @ @ @ on which this response was made , but it was certainly a candidate for Twitter @ @ @ @ @ As is so often the case , there was a massive problem with Mr Hawkins @ @ @ @ @ think the word we ’ re looking for is “ BOOM ” .
In fact @ @ @ @ @ in question .
The “ gotcha ” moment was screengrabbed by New Scotland .
Nothing @ @ @ @ @ a mansplainer derailed .
Here are a few things people have said about it .
@ @ @ @ @ the board in no time .
The guy who mansplained Sarah Silverman ’ s joke @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
As the UK government openly attempts to break international law in its bid to ignore an existing treaty with the EU, Sinn Féin’s adviser, Siobhán Fenton commented on the widely condemned move.
The Conservatives have been told time and time again about the importance of the Good Friday Agreement and the fragility of our post-conflict society. That they would act in such bad faith and with such shameless dishonesty shows the total contempt they have for people here https://t.co/s7r7xVvhnK — Siobhán Fenton (@SiobhanFenton) September 6, 2020
We’re not sure of the basis on which this response was made, but it was certainly a candidate for Twitter Mansplainer of the Week.
It doesn't sound like you've read the GFA. I suggest you do so. The UK internal market will not be divided to suit your brand of terrorism. — Adam Hawkins (@Hawkleton) September 7, 2020
As is so often the case, there was a massive problem with Mr Hawkins’ wild supposition.
Men on the internet telling me, author of the book ‘The Good Friday Agreement’ which is (unsurprisingly) about the Good Friday Agreement, to read the Good Friday Agreement is my favourite genre of reply guy https://t.co/S8DAhEpiCf — Siobhán Fenton (@SiobhanFenton) September 7, 2020
I think the word we’re looking for is “BOOM”.
In fact, here is the book in question.
It doesn't sound like you've read … pic.twitter.com/ggafiELghu — The Grim Honker (@DeathOfGeese) September 7, 2020
The “gotcha” moment was screengrabbed by New Scotland.
Best ever put down ? pic.twitter.com/BW9giHlwm5 — 🏴New Scotland (@art_iculate) September 9, 2020
Nothing quite as satisfying as seeing a mansplainer derailed.
Here are a few things people have said about it.
This is a thing of majesty https://t.co/Z2xUSGo4aR — Russell Merryman (@merryarty) September 9, 2020
I do love a Twitter berk ‘smack down’ https://t.co/TANRZMjhP9 — Chris Woodhams (@Cafeteria_Chris) September 10, 2020
In certain quarters I believe this is referred to as “the confidence of a mediocre white man” — RaginAye?* (@RaginAye) September 9, 2020
Chris Boyd had a message for @Hawkleton.
i'm the ceo of embarrassment, you're hired — Chris Boyd 🇬🇧🇵🇭 (@paperghost) September 7, 2020
He’ll be on the board in no time.
READ MORE
The guy who mansplained Sarah Silverman’s joke wins Mansplainer of the Week™
Source Siobhán Fenton Image New Scotland, @jordanmcdonald on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-10--This hilarious sketch peeps behind the scenes as the government discusses the second wave

Game designer Wil Evans , @ swissevans86 , has built up a fair-sized following on TikTok with his entertaining and @ @ @ @ @ UK government responds to rising coronavirus figures , Wil showed us how one awkward conversation @ @ @ @ @ .
The sketch has been viewed almost 20,000 times in a day .
Here ’ @ @ @ @ @ been saying .
Next time you see a cabinet member , try not to think @ @ @ @ @ 12 funniest responses to the news that covid marshals will be enforcing the new rules

Videos
Game designer Wil Evans, @swissevans86, has built up a fair-sized following on TikTok with his entertaining and funny posts.
As the UK government responds to rising coronavirus figures, Wil showed us how one awkward conversation in Whitehall might have gone.
The sketch has been viewed almost 20,000 times in a day.
Here’s what TikTok users have been saying.
Next time you see a cabinet member, try not to think of those tongues.
“Definitely not lizard people.”
READ MORE
The 12 funniest responses to the news that covid marshals will be enforcing the new rules
Source @swissevans86 Image @swissevans86


thepoke--2020-09-10--The response to this fat-shaming post wins Comeback of the Day

If you ’ re going to make horrible comments about appearance , you ’ d better be sure you ’ @ @ @ @ @ physical perfection , in everyone ’ s eyes – and since that ’ s not @ @ @ @ @ better to just keep your trap shut .
One fat-shaming tweeter learnt the lesson the @ @ @ @ @ now-deleted tweet .
There were a lot of outraged responses , but one in particular @ @ @ @ @ taste of her own medicine .
The exchange found its way to the r/CleverComebacks subreddit @ @ @ @ @ named it ‘ And that ’ s why you should never fat shame on the @ @ @ @ @ these comments , among others .
“ The truth is there is always someone smarter @ @ @ @ @ if you go around offending people you will get what ’ s coming sooner or @ @ @ @ @ this weather forecaster ’ s comeback to the troll who fat shamed her

Pics
If you’re going to make horrible comments about appearance, you’d better be sure you’re a specimen of sheer physical perfection, in everyone’s eyes – and since that’s not possible, it’s better to just keep your trap shut.
One fat-shaming tweeter learnt the lesson the hard way after posting this now-deleted tweet.
There were a lot of outraged responses, but one in particular gave the original poster a taste of her own medicine.
Ouch!
The exchange found its way to the r/CleverComebacks subreddit – deservedly – where u/JimJamThePianoMan named it
‘And that’s why you should never fat shame on the internet’
It picked up these comments, among others.
“The truth is there is always someone smarter than you out there, if you go around offending people you will get what’s coming sooner or later.”
Known_Cheater
“Umm…hello, police? Yes, I’d like to report a murder…”
RobbiOps
Finally – this important message from axsteel77.
“Don’t disrespect Winnie the Pooh like that.”
via Gfycat
READ MORE
People loved this weather forecaster’s comeback to the troll who fat shamed her
Source r/CleverComebacks Image r/CleverComebacks, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-10--Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize – 11 crushing takedowns

Yet again – yes , again – Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize , and his @ @ @ @ @ .
Ivanka Trump neglected to fill in the details about the Norwegian official in question @ @ @ @ @ that for us .
To put things into perspective , more than 300 people have @ @ @ @ @ shortlist has yet to be compiled , but Twitter still collectively lost its mind .
@ @ @ @ @ ones you ’ d expect .
Trump being considered for the Nobel Peace Prize was @ @ @ @ @ the 12 best reactions

Twitter
Yet again – yes, again – Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, and his daughter proudly tweeted the news.
Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize by Norwegian official, citing Israel-UAE peace deal | Fox News https://t.co/Q3QdXndikd — Ivanka Trump (@IvankaTrump) September 9, 2020
Ivanka Trump neglected to fill in the details about the Norwegian official in question, but @Stornoway_Cove did that for us.
Trump gets nominated for the Nobel Peace prize by Christian Tybring-Gjedde – a Norwegian far-right politician, anti-immigration activist, Islamophobe and climate change denier Thank goodness for that, I thought for a moment some respected upstanding politician had nominated him! — Donaldo (@Stornoway_Cove) September 9, 2020
To put things into perspective, more than 300 people have been nominated, and the shortlist has yet to be compiled, but Twitter still collectively lost its mind.
The reactions were exactly the ones you’d expect.
1.
BREAKING: 2020 ‘just taking the piss now’ say experts. https://t.co/ggsdVtoOU4 — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) September 9, 2020
2.
Trump nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. It's official: The entire world has been ingesting lethal doses of ergot for the past few years. Dear aliens, bring your merciful death rays. Obliterate the Earth. Please. — Richard Littler (@richard_littler) September 9, 2020
3.
Prince Andrew given award for services in the field of not being a massive nonce https://t.co/zzD0LhBq8B — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 9, 2020
4.
It’s the Nobel Piss Prize. https://t.co/zro7DXehw3 — Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) September 9, 2020
5.
The Trump superfans bragging about him being nominated for a Nobel prize reminds me of journalists who fill out the entry form and pay the $50 fee to be “nominated” for a Pulitzer. — Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) September 9, 2020
6.
He'll be running for President next. https://t.co/YdmCioyari — Count Binface (@CountBinface) September 9, 2020
7.
Wait, Trump was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for the UAE Israel deal? I thought it was for stealing a million dollars worth of tchotchkes from an Ambassador's residence in Paris after skipping a WWI cemetery so he wouldn't ruin his hair. Cause that is the stuff of legends. — JeremyNewberger (@jeremynewberger) September 9, 2020
8.
Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Next up, Jeffrey Dahmer posthumously awarded a Michelin Star and Rose West winning a Best Kept Garden contest. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 9, 2020
9.
Trump nominated for Nobel Piece of Shit Prize. — Eric Idle (@EricIdle) September 9, 2020
10.
I just woke up and fired up twitter. The first two tweets I see are (1) trump hit his highest approval rating since June, and (2) the motherfcker was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. I want to go back to bed & skip today. I don't want to share the planet with these people. — Hairball 🆘🌊 I don't wanna live in trumpfckistan (@orangepeel18) September 9, 2020
11.
Jedward and Wolf from Gladiators remain the bookies' favourites #nobel #trump https://t.co/HQg5QJmi7V — Ben Turner Comedian (@benturnercomedy) September 9, 2020
In conclusion …
#BREAKING: Donald Trump has been nominated for Nobel Peace Prize. I don't know How?? While there's No Peace in USA. pic.twitter.com/gPDWd26eg7 — Shaharyar Khan (@Shaharyar__Alam) September 9, 2020
READ MORE
Trump being considered for the Nobel Peace Prize was too much to take – the 12 best reactions
Source Ivanka Trump Image Library of Congress, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-10--The 12 funniest responses to the news that covid marshals will be enforcing the new rules

On Wednesday , Boris Johnson took us all down memory lane with a reprise of the Downing Street coronavirus briefings @ @ @ @ @ medical support , to explain the new “ rule of six ” .
As well @ @ @ @ @ than six will be against the law from Monday , he dropped the bombshell that @ @ @ @ @ patrol to enforce the measure .
That nugget of information was received exactly as you @ @ @ @ @ these were our favourite reactions .

Twitter
On Wednesday, Boris Johnson took us all down memory lane with a reprise of the Downing Street coronavirus briefings, complete with scientific and medical support, to explain the new “rule of six”.
As well as explaining that groups larger than six will be against the law from Monday, he dropped the bombshell that covid-secure marshals will be on patrol to enforce the measure.
PM Boris Johnson says "Covid-secure marshals" will help local authorities "ensure social distancing in town and city centres" Updates: https://t.co/NXm773xIiU pic.twitter.com/xWoKeqUTpc — BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) September 9, 2020
That nugget of information was received exactly as you’d expect, and these were our favourite reactions.
1.
2.
As soon as I said the Covid Marshalls' motto was 'Death or Glory' we got our first volunteer. #DailyBriefing pic.twitter.com/hhIglAKvGk — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) September 9, 2020
3.
BREAKING: Covid Marshalls leave #RAFLuton in a convoy of Covid Response And Prosecution vehicles to assist local authorities in the UK with groups of more than 6 people pic.twitter.com/Yabc91fW2E — RAF_Luton (@RAF_Luton) September 9, 2020
4.
First look at the Covid Marshal's home and away kits for this season pic.twitter.com/tCMZg5V8e6 — Scouseman (@ScouseMan_) September 9, 2020
5.
Parking Wardens realising they’re no longer the most hated people in the UK with the introduction of “Covid Marshall’s” pic.twitter.com/ka3AcryjMI — Joshua. (@TimeForHeroes_) September 9, 2020
6.
7.
First of the government’s Covid Marshalls revealed: pic.twitter.com/rO3gOz6Evr — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 9, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-09-10--This drone footage of San Francisco goes so well with the Blade Runner 2049 music it’s uncanny

Some horrifying images coming from the west coast of America where wildfires are turning the sky an apocalyptic shade of @ @ @ @ @ of San Francisco has been put to music from Blade Runner 2049 and it goes @ @ @ @ @ amazing .
And terrifying .
The video went viral on Twitter after it was shared @ @ @ @ @ comment seems to sum it up best .
Greg Davies ’ s story on Graham @ @ @ @ @ Gosling ’ s face made it even better

Videos
Some horrifying images coming from the west coast of America where wildfires are turning the sky an apocalyptic shade of orange.
Scenes from around San Francisco where dark orange skies are still blanketing the city and region. This apocalyptic hue is due to a combination of smoke from various wildfires sitting above the marine fog layer. More here on @sfchronicle https://t.co/eChDMsLZLs pic.twitter.com/VaQlNsML0y — Jessica Christian (@jachristian) September 9, 2020
Now drone footage of San Francisco has been put to music from Blade Runner 2049 and it goes so well it’s amazing. And terrifying.
29 years ahead of schedule.
The video went viral on Twitter after it was shared by @Bunny_Godfather and this comment seems to sum it up best.
https://twitter.com/ArtanisArtworks/status/1304055534186885121?s=20
READ MORE
Greg Davies’s story on Graham Norton was brilliant but Ryan Gosling’s face made it even better
Source YouTube Terry Tsai H/T @Bunny_Godfather


thepoke--2020-09-10--Simon McCoy had the best response when he heard his name announced on BBC1

Simon McCoy was at home minding his own business when he heard his name being announced on BBC1 .
So @ @ @ @ @ was one more reason why he ’ s our favourite BBC News presenter .
And @ @ @ @ @ enjoy this again ( or for the first time ) , his closing remark on @ @ @ @ @ went viral .
Simon McCoy couldn ’ t take any more crap puns so he @ @ @ @ @ and it ’ s brilliant

Videos
Simon McCoy was at home minding his own business when he heard his name being announced on BBC1.
That heart-stopping moment when you hear on BBC1 ‘.. and now the news with Simon McCoy’ – and you’re watching at home 100 miles away #Eek — Simon McCoy (@BBCSimonMcCoy) September 10, 2020
So he did this and it was one more reason why he’s our favourite BBC News presenter.
It happened! It wasn’t a nightmare… pic.twitter.com/FeDIOIqLWq — Simon McCoy (@BBCSimonMcCoy) September 10, 2020
And while we’re here enjoy this again (or for the first time), his closing remark on this astonishing rescue story which went viral.
READ MORE
Simon McCoy couldn’t take any more crap puns so he turned the news on itself and it’s brilliant
Source @BBCSimonMcCoy


thepoke--2020-09-10--Laurence Fox complained he was ‘cancelled’ by Rebecca Front – only 4 responses you need

Actor Laurence Fox – stick with us – has gone on Twitter to complain that actress Rebecca Front has ‘ @ @ @ @ @ very upset about it he is too .
Fox shared a private exchange between the @ @ @ @ @ in ITV ’ s Lewis – and a screenshot from Front ’ s Twitter feed @ @ @ @ @ was blocked from following her .
And these are the only 4 responses you need @ @ @ @ @ Laurence Fox “ It ’ s Not Easy Being White ” is the musical parody @ @ @ @ @ you needed

Twitter
Actor Laurence Fox – stick with us – has gone on Twitter to complain that actress Rebecca Front has ‘cancelled’ him. And very upset about it he is too.
https://twitter.com/LozzaFox/status/1303957568272904192?s=20
Fox shared a private exchange between the pair – they starred together in ITV’s Lewis – and a screenshot from Front’s Twitter feed, informing him that he was blocked from following her.
And these are the only 4 responses you need.
Somebody not liking your shit tweets is not you being “cancelled”, snowflake. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 10, 2020
Laurence Fox is so far gone that he thinks he, not Rebecca Front, comes out best from this private exchange he has shared. https://t.co/KLlmaEalTS — Simon Price (@simon_price01) September 10, 2020
You haven’t been ‘cancelled’, your friend has just come to the wholly accurate conclusion that you’re an arsehole. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) September 10, 2020
Rebecca Front silently blocking Laurence Fox is not cancel culture. Laurence Fox publicly sharing private messages with Rebecca so his followers will harass her on his behalf is cancel culture. — Mark Grimshaw (@markgrimshaw16) September 10, 2020
And also this.
For the record, Rebecca Front is – and always has been – one of the greatest humans. I love her. — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
Laurence Fox “It’s Not Easy Being White” is the musical parody you didn’t know you needed


thepoke--2020-09-11--The 25 funniest tweets of the week

The 25 funniest tweets of the week

It ’ s the weekend , almost , and in a week that ’ s been packed with news we @ @ @ @ @ to hear , we ’ ve all earned ten minutes doing nothing more complicated than @ @ @ @ @ a coronavirus-free zone .
Here are 25 of the funniest things we ’ ve read @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
It’s the weekend, almost, and in a week that’s been packed with news we haven’t necessarily wanted to hear, we’ve all earned ten minutes doing nothing more complicated than having a laugh – in a coronavirus-free zone.
Here are 25 of the funniest things we’ve read on Twitter this week.
1.
Think of three friends. If none of them are beetles you are a beetle. pic.twitter.com/nYEB5TxLFC — Matt Morrow (@PoorMatty) September 5, 2020
2.
"My back hurts all the time for no reason." How I sit every day: pic.twitter.com/E8W9PDfYSc — Knixx (@Knishkabob) September 7, 2020
3.
The progression of all Twitter debates pic.twitter.com/K2vjwdXy7L — Annika H Rothstein (@truthandfiction) September 6, 2020
4.
I refuse to believe this aubergine that arrived in my veg box was about to be thrown away; I would pay premium prices for this pic.twitter.com/FUnN56EgI6 — Becca Wright (@_beccawright) September 5, 2020
5.
Just said 'Love you' as I ended a phone call To the guy dealing with my questions about my credit card So, online banking forever it is, then — Dean Burnett (@garwboy) September 7, 2020
6.
I've seen plenty of disappointment in my day, but nothing rivals the look on my nephew's face when we walked into Build-A-Bear and he realized it wasn't a literal Frankenstein lab for grizzlies. — Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 7, 2020
7.
if i were shania twain, i would tweet “let’s go girls” every single morning for the rest of my life — Liz Maupin (@LizMaupin) September 7, 2020
8.
If by intermittent fasting you mean I haven’t figured out how to eat in my sleep yet then yes, I am — Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) September 7, 2020
9.
In space there is no gender. Only shirt colours. Doctors be like “congrats! It’s a science officer!” — bones, a liminal being 🌱 (@SkeletonCrimes) September 9, 2020
10.
My dad has decided to install motion sensor lights alongside the path in the back garden, effectively turning any nighttime walk to the shed into the video for Billie Jean. — Jason (@NickMotown) September 8, 2020
11.
Prince would have been a great presenter of Gardeners World. pic.twitter.com/3xLfO05CH2 — Andymack (@Andymack) September 7, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-09-11--The face of this dog not given the snack it was expecting is an absolute peach

‘ This level of betrayal has never been felt before , ’ downriverrowing who shared this video over on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ behind those eyes and that mid-chew stop.
’ kobyoshi02 ‘ That look : Hope you @ @ @ @ @ your shoe.
’ kaikemy ‘ It doesn ’ t even need to be edible for @ @ @ @ @ ’ elmuulo

Videos
‘This level of betrayal has never been felt before,’ downriverrowing who shared this video over on Reddit.
‘So much betrayal behind those eyes and that mid-chew stop.’ kobyoshi02 ‘That look: Hope you like a warm surprise in your shoe.’ kaikemy
Only one question remained.
‘Wait, your dog doesn’t like everyhing that’s edible?’ Marracie ‘It doesn’t even need to be edible for mine to like it …’ elmuulo
READ MORE
This sheepdog hasn’t quite nailed it yet and it’s just the content we needed today
Source Reddit u/downriverrowing


thepoke--2020-09-11--T-shirt of the week

T-shirt of the week

In the first of a ( very ) occasional series , it ’ s time for … T-shirt of the @ @ @ @ @ my one of my favorite jokes !
!
!
’ said Decent_Tip_8989 who shared it @ @ @ @ @ bf has this shirt and anytime someone asks him about “ what ’ s the @ @ @ @ @ responds with “ you are ” .
’ BJntheRV ‘ How do you keep a @ @ @ @ @ wuapinmon This description of Trump without his fake tan or hair is just perfect

Pics
In the latest of a (very) occasional series, it’s time for … T-shirt of the week.
‘This is my one of my favourite jokes!!!’ said Decent_Tip_8989 who shared it on Reddit.
Boom.
‘My bf has this shirt and anytime someone asks him about “what’s the second type” he just responds with “you are”.’ BJntheRV ‘How do you keep a moron in suspense?’ wuapinmon ‘I’ll tell you tomorrow.’ Thatsanoddone
READ MORE
This description of Trump without his fake tan or hair is just perfect
Source Reddit u/Decent_Tip_8989


thepoke--2020-09-11--This description of Trump without his fake tan or hair is just perfect

This image of Donald Trump with his fake tan and hair removed went viral after it was shared on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ , have a look for yourself .
And it prompted no end of comment about @ @ @ @ @ ‘ He looks much better that way.
’ Jiggarelli ‘ Looks like Chuck from Better @ @ @ @ @ He looks like a less wrinkly version of Palpatine.
’ Stats_with_a_Z But this was the @ @ @ @ @ was just epically trolled by the music at his own rally

Pics
This image of Donald Trump with his fake tan and hair removed went viral after it was shared on Reddit by Helmoghost because, well, have a look for yourself.
And it prompted no end of comment about what he looked like.
‘He looks much better that way.’ Jiggarelli ‘Looks like Chuck from Better Call Saul.’ KermitTheFraud92 ‘He looks like a less wrinkly version of Palpatine.’ Stats_with_a_Z ‘Or Creedy from V for Vendetta.’ deathonater
But this was the very best.
‘Now he looks like the shitty villain from a ’90s movie instead of the shitty villain from an ’80s movie.’ CapnBeardbeard
Nailed it.
READ MORE
Donald Trump was just epically trolled by the music at his own rally
Source Reddit u/Helmoghost


thepoke--2020-09-11--A clip of Jane Fonda discussing LGBTQ+ rights in 1979 has gone viral because her message was spot on

Jane Fonda has been an activist all her adult life , earning her the nickname “ Hanoi Jane ” , when she campaigned against the Vietnam War in the early 70s , but at 82 , she ’ s still turning up and getting arrested for causes in which she believes .
A clip of an interview she gave in 1979 has gone viral , as she explains exactly why the LGBTQ+ rights movement was and remains so crucial .
“ I ’ m part of an organisation and you could also be cynical , as you are , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ me but you could also think , aren ’ t I using the organisation , just the way the gays and lesbians here are using the organisation they ’ re a part of ?
It helps give us perspective , it helps us keep our values intact , it increases our power , because as individuals we don ’ t have very much but all together we have a lot of power.
“ The video picked up more than three million views in little more than a day , and has had people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that weren ’ t good enough , there ’ s also this clip , in which she and two other absolute queens put Donald Trump in his place .
Jane Fonda ’ s before and after pics go viral because everyone can relate to them

Videos
Jane Fonda has been an activist all her adult life, earning her the nickname “Hanoi Jane”, when she campaigned against the Vietnam War in the early 70s, but at 82, she’s still turning up and getting arrested for causes in which she believes.
A clip of an interview she gave in 1979 has gone viral, as she explains exactly why the LGBTQ+ rights movement was and remains so crucial.
jane fonda was saying this in the 70s while some celebrities only manage to say "gay rights" today pic.twitter.com/qsGQlAeepK — milena (@sarahsbian) September 9, 2020
“I’m part of an organisation and you could also be cynical, as you are, and ask, is it the organisation using me but you could also think, aren’t I using the organisation, just the way the gays and lesbians here are using the organisation they’re a part of? It helps give us perspective, it helps us keep our values intact, it increases our power, because as individuals we don’t have very much but all together we have a lot of power.“
The video picked up more than three million views in little more than a day, and has had people making comments like these.
I don’t know much about Jane Fonda. But I know that I like what she’s saying here. Equality y’all. If everyone treated everyone else how they wanted to be treated, think about how much better 2020 would be. Do something nice for someone today! https://t.co/fwsMEeBm3N — Austin #Creed4G4 – Future King of The Ring (@XavierWoodsPhD) September 10, 2020
Jane fucking Fonda. Always walked the walk. https://t.co/1SsPyQwIaa — Jason Rosenberg (@mynameisjro) September 10, 2020
Jane Fonda is a forever hero. If you have yet to watch her documentary on HBO, please do! I will never forget getting to hear her speak about it. https://t.co/TgRCwOVtZB — pfpicardi (@pfpicardi) September 10, 2020
.@Janefonda has always been in the right side of history. https://t.co/LSCMKcSxh3 — Chip Franklin (@chipfranklin) September 10, 2020
As if that weren’t good enough, there’s also this clip, in which she and two other absolute queens put Donald Trump in his place.
Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin & Jane Fonda "still refuse to be controlled by a sexist, lying, egotistical bigot" https://t.co/wvJkc1TOJl #Emmys pic.twitter.com/Zgr8cj53To — The Hollywood Reporter (@THR) September 18, 2017
To sum up.
"What am I here for, if not to be used by good people for good things?" I am so glad that Jane Fonda is finally getting the credit she deserves for all her incredible work. The woman was maligned for yeaaaaars because of her anti-war activism & she deserves all this goodness. https://t.co/En1FCyF5kC — Julie S. Lalonde (@JulieSLalonde) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
Jane Fonda’s before and after pics go viral because everyone can relate to them
Source @sarahsbian Image @sarahsbian, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-11--Newspaper letter of the day

Newspaper letter of the day

To be filed under ‘ Well I never knew that … ’ comes this , shared by writer Ian Rankin @ @ @ @ @ – who said : ‘ Useful advice at the end of this letter in today @ @ @ @ @ For a moment there we thought Giles Coren had been knighted .
This skewering of @ @ @ @ @ drive wins our letter of the week

Pics
To be filed under ‘Well I never knew that …’ comes this, shared by writer Ian Rankin – @Beathhigh on Twitter – who said: ‘Useful advice at the end of this letter in today’s Times …’
For a moment there we thought Giles Coren had been knighted.
READ MORE
This skewering of Boris Johnson’s obesity drive wins our letter of the week
Source @Beathhigh


thepoke--2020-09-11--Donald Trump was just trolled by the music at his own rally and it’s perfect

Whoever chose this song to play at Donald Trump ’ s latest rally in Michigan , take the rest of the week off .
And the next one as well .
At least we ’ re assuming the choice of Creedence Clearwater Revival ’ s Fortunate Son was a deliberate mockery of the so-called president and not just an unfortunate coincidence .
Becuase it ’ s a protest song about class privilege and rich people shirking military service and , well , have a listen for yourself .
And just in case they ’ re tricky to make out , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the 1969 tune written by John Fogarty .
“ Some folks are born made to wave the flag .
Ooh , they ’ re red , white and blue .
It ain ’ t me , it ain ’ t me .
I ain ’ t no fortunate one , no .
“ Some folks are born silver spoon in hand .
Lord , don ’ t they help themselves , no .
“ But when the taxman come to the door .
Lord , the house lookin ’ like a rummage sale @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it ain ’ t me .
I ain ’ t no millionaire ’ s son , no .
“ It ain ’ t me , It ain ’ t me , I ain ’ t no fortunate one.
” And here are just a few of the things people were saying about it after the clip went wildly viral .
And here it is one more time … Not the first time Trump ’ s been trolled by a PA system .
Remember this factory visit ?
This Donald Trump takedown might be @ @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
Whoever chose this song to play at Donald Trump’s latest rally in Michigan, take the rest of the week off. And the next one as well.
At least we’re assuming the choice of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Fortunate Son was a deliberate mockery of the so-called president and not just an unfortunate coincidence.
Becuase it’s a protest song about class privilege and rich people shirking military service and, well, have a listen for yourself.
“Fortunate Son” plays as Trump de-planes, an entry for the “nobody listened to the lyrics” hall of fame. pic.twitter.com/fJBPI7CxGQ — Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) September 10, 2020
Epic trolling.
And just in case they’re tricky to make out, here are some of the lyrics to the 1969 tune written by John Fogarty.
“Some folks are born made to wave the flag. Ooh, they’re red, white and blue. It ain’t me, it ain’t me. I ain’t no fortunate one, no. “Some folks are born silver spoon in hand. Lord, don’t they help themselves, no. “But when the taxman come to the door. Lord, the house lookin’ like a rummage sale. It ain’t me, it ain’t me. I ain’t no millionaire’s son, no. “It ain’t me, It ain’t me, I ain’t no fortunate one.”
And here are just a few of the things people were saying about it after the clip went wildly viral.
That song is about rich people’s sons not having to go to Vietnam. Does someone in the Campaign secretly hate you, @realDonaldTrump ? https://t.co/VfGJMnj5bW — A.J. Delgado (@AJDelgado13) September 10, 2020
The song is a condemnation of a rich person who shirks military service and reduces his tax burden by misleading the government https://t.co/NfrG0eS7xi — Jonathan Chait (@jonathanchait) September 11, 2020
Omg. “Fortunate Son” is about a rich son who doesn’t have to go to Vietnam. *chefs kiss* https://t.co/M0HvKyoArS — YS (@NYinLA2121) September 10, 2020
‘Some folks were born, SILVER SPOON IN HAND!’ Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! https://t.co/njWXxqUc2k — Steve Kerr (@SteveKerr) September 11, 2020
I mean, the absolute irony of playing CCR's "Fortunate Son" for a rich privileged white guy who got out of the VIETNAM WAR by faking a medical condition with his daddy's money… I got nothing, man. — Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) September 10, 2020
https://twitter.com/VicarsMaryann/status/1304217361030012931?s=20
And here it is one more time …
Oh, the irony (pay attention to the lyrics) pic.twitter.com/hAmzO3uSZi — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 10, 2020
Not the first time Trump’s been trolled by a PA system. Remember this factory visit?
I can think of no better metaphor for this presidency than Donald Trump not wearing a face mask to a face mask factory while the song “Live and Let Die” blares in the background. pic.twitter.com/mJzU1HW7HA — Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
This Donald Trump takedown might be CNN’s finest 14 seconds
Source @daveweigel


thepoke--2020-09-11--3 favourite jokes from Frankie Boyle’s New World Order

Frankie Boyle was back on BBC2 last night with a new episode of New World Order .
The show , @ @ @ @ @ sense of the bewildering world we live in , ’ prompted lots of response on @ @ @ @ @ .
These 3 jokes provide particular popular .
And if you missed it , or @ @ @ @ @ again … The most outrageous , funniest jokes Frankie Boyle has ever told

Twitter
Frankie Boyle was back on BBC2 last night with a new episode of New World Order.
The show, which ‘attempts to make sense of the bewildering world we live in’ and there were lots of funny moments, like this one.
"Young people – don't be afraid of the future – it's going to be so brief". 🙂 Frankie Boyle. — Alex S 🇬🇧🚵♂ #FBPA (@2ears2wheels) September 10, 2020
And this one.
https://twitter.com/shariatwain_/status/1304198624906293248?s=20
But surely the best takedown was reserved for home secretary, Priti Patel.
"The one woman in Britain who can orgasm by imagining a slow puncture at sea…" — Frankie Boyle on Priti Patel#NewWorldOrder #BBC2, 10 September 2020 — Philip C James 🕷🕯 (@PhilipCJames) September 10, 2020
Oof.
And if you missed it, or you want to watch it again …
Cheers if you watched the show. Here it is on iPlayer if you didny. https://t.co/H2y60CPlek
Or, y'know, listen to a bit of Doctor Octagon if that's more your speed. Onwards, toward the singularity at the end of Time. https://t.co/bMz6VL4zip — Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
The most outrageous, funniest jokes Frankie Boyle has ever told
Source Frankie Boyle’s New World Order


thepoke--2020-09-11--Parliament’s reaction to Matt Hancock’s Moonshot announcement was hilariously relatable

There don ’ t seem to be any actual experts prepared to back the government ’ s Operation Moonshot plans @ @ @ @ @ Matt Hancock ‘ s speech on the topic in the Commons was pretty much as @ @ @ @ @ scornful laughter .
We ’ re paraphrasing , obviously .
Did he remind anyone else @ @ @ @ @ was that he said about delivering tests ?
We doubt his rant persuaded anyone .
@ @ @ @ @ did ask for more diversity .

Videos
There don’t seem to be any actual experts prepared to back the government’s Operation Moonshot plans, and the reaction to Matt Hancock‘s speech on the topic in the Commons was pretty much as you’d expect – scornful laughter.
"I've heard the naysayers before… they would do far better to support their constituents and get with the programme" Health Secretary Matt Hancock responds to laughter from opposition MPs in the House of Commons as he details coronavirus testing planshttps://t.co/9a2dZ9U6qI pic.twitter.com/SIekpMrXvv — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) September 10, 2020
“YOU’LL BE SORRY. YOU’LL AAAAALLLLL BE SORRY!”
We’re paraphrasing, obviously. Did he remind anyone else of someone …?
via Gfycat
What was that he said about delivering tests?
Matt Hancock says we will see the #coronavirus track&trace app “very soon” Not holding my breath given you've been saying this for months, your "world-beating" testing system is sending my constituents to Aberdeen&you blame the public for trying to do the right thing&get a test. — 🌈 Angela Rayner 🌈 (@AngelaRayner) September 10, 2020
We doubt his rant persuaded anyone.
Matt Hancock currently at the despatch box, telling the Labour Party to "get with the program." We are, each of us, living in our own alternate universe. — Tom Peck (@tompeck) September 10, 2020
He's a weapons grade helmet isn't he, it would be funny if he wasn't in charge of the response 🤦 https://t.co/z60aZmWjoh — Redjim (@iREDJIM) September 10, 2020
Still, the new DG did ask for more diversity.
Great to see more Right Wing comedians on the BBC — Tim Worrall (@Timworrall) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
9 brutal takedowns of the government’s pie-in-the-sky – Operation Moonshot
Source BBC News Image BBC News


thepoke--2020-09-11--“Boris is here to explain his Moonshot approach” – parody

If you ’ re still a bit sketchy on how the government ’ s hugely expensive and ambitious Operation Moonshot @ @ @ @ @ , worry no longer .
Here ’ s multi-talented actor , singer , comedian and @ @ @ @ @ filling in the details in Boris Johnson-style , and it ’ s quite uncanny .
@ @ @ @ @ .
If we stop getting Covid , then we can all get on with our @ @ @ @ @ case of a no-deal Brexit .
Twitter , quite rightly , had these words of @ @ @ @ @ can sneakily substitute Luke for the real PM ?

Videos
If you’re still a bit sketchy on how the government’s hugely expensive and ambitious Operation Moonshot plan is supposed to work, worry no longer.
Here’s multi-talented actor, singer, comedian and impressionist, Luke Kempner, filling in the details in Boris Johnson-style, and it’s quite uncanny.
He’s not wrong. If we stop getting Covid, then we can all get on with our lives – stockpiling food in case of a no-deal Brexit.
Don’t forget those three simple rules:
Hands Shoulders Knees and toes
Twitter, quite rightly, had these words of praise.
Makes more sense than the real Boris. — Clad Me Blue (@CladMeBlue) September 9, 2020
Hi quality impression of UK's world beating Prime Minister https://t.co/tsIgRhuCF4 — The Jobbing Leftie Historian (@JobbingLeftieH) September 10, 2020
Had to be at work without radio during the PM briefing this afternoon but there was no need for fomo BECAUSE I HAVE TWITTER! https://t.co/gnrsjkL47B — Sara Page (@sarajasminpage) September 9, 2020
Any chance we can sneakily substitute Luke for the real PM?
READ MORE
9 brutal takedowns of the government’s pie-in-the-sky – Operation Moonshot
Source Luke Kempner Image Luke Kempner


thepoke--2020-09-11--This ridiculous one-star Yelp review got exactly the response it deserved

The trouble with being able to write reviews of goods and services for public viewing is that idiots can also @ @ @ @ @ services for public viewing – like this one .
Whoever posted the Yelp review , @ @ @ @ @ clearly didn ’ t have a valid reason for giving the business such a low @ @ @ @ @ stepped up to have their say .
As Redditor u/NotATransponster so beautifully put it – @ @ @ @ @ the “ congratulations , you played yourself ” comment .
They did nothing but show @ @ @ @ @ cheap arsehole .
This bakery owner ’ s response to an anti-masker ’ s bad @ @ @ @ @

Weird World
The trouble with being able to write reviews of goods and services for public viewing is that idiots can also write reviews of goods and services for public viewing – like this one.
Whoever posted the Yelp review, shared by River1218 on r/ChoosingBeggars clearly didn’t have a valid reason for giving the business such a low score, and a representative stepped up to have their say.
“A double whammy”
That’s Matt told, then.
As Redditor u/NotATransponster so beautifully put it –
This person is perfect for the “congratulations, you played yourself” comment. They did nothing but show that they’re a cheap arsehole.
READ MORE
This bakery owner’s response to an anti-masker’s bad review was very satisfying indeed
Source r/ChoosingBeggars Image r/ChoosingBeggars, @nordwood on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-09-11--When online selling goes bad – simply 17 of the funniest Depop Drama messages

In case you don ’ t know , Depop is a peer-to-peer selling app that models itself on Instagram , @ @ @ @ @ acting as a virtual shop window .
Wasn ’ t it Shakespeare who said “ @ @ @ @ @ never did run smooth.
” or something ?
The Depop Drama Instagram account shares screenshots @ @ @ @ @ , where things aren ’ t exactly going to plan .
These were some of @ @ @ @ @ 1 .
Is there a discount for name dropping ?
2 .
What phone is @ @ @ @ @ one 3 .
When you accidentally lose your pet bug 4 .
If only there @ @ @ @ @ of the conversation that they could – you know – refer back to 7 .
@ @ @ @ @ lice 8 .
Going to need more info on this accident , tbqhwy

Pics
In case you don’t know, Depop is a peer-to-peer selling app that models itself on Instagram, with account holders’ timelines acting as a virtual shop window.
Wasn’t it Shakespeare who said “The course of online selling never did run smooth.” or something?
The Depop Drama Instagram account shares screenshots of communications from the app, where things aren’t exactly going to plan.
These were some of the funniest we saw.
1. Is there a discount for name dropping?
2. What phone is that? We all want one
3. When you accidentally lose your pet bug
4. If only there were some kind of record of the conversation that they could – you know – refer back to
5. Honesty
6. “Postage”
7. No extra charge for the lice
8. Going to need more info on this accident, tbqhwy
9. It’s not Ocado, Love!


thepoke--2020-09-11--Get out the ROFL goggles – there’s a new Bob Mortimer Train Guy sketch

After what seems like interminable months , but is really only seven weeks , there ’ s a new Train @ @ @ @ @ , and it ’ s just as weird and wonderful as ever .
No , @ @ @ @ @ as always , a crispy pigeon .
Here ’ s what his devoted fans had @ @ @ @ @ Black had this hope for the Earth ’ s blighted future .
Bob Mortimer ’ @ @ @ @ @ Guy clip – and it ’ s hilario

Videos
After what seems like interminable months, but is really only seven weeks, there’s a new Train Guy video from Bob Mortimer, and it’s just as weird and wonderful as ever.
Train Guy…. Banter Lantern pic.twitter.com/JUuVekE3NN — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) September 10, 2020
No, Bob – you are, as always, a crispy pigeon.
Here’s what his devoted fans had to say.
If there's a Top 10 Saviours of 2020 list at the end of this dickhead of a year, Bob should fully be on it. So amazing😂 https://t.co/8XGdfmocqz — Bobby | DJ BobaFatt (@BobaFatt) September 10, 2020
Train Guy is all I require. "Banter Lantern" is the best yet. https://t.co/3Jo0OJ172J — Alex Tiffin (@RespectIsVital) September 10, 2020
I feel quite strongly that Bob Mortimer is too pure and good for this world and should be protected at all cost. https://t.co/iNT6Z3O9bY — Mrs Slocombe – Janine Nag-Ash (@Janine_N_A) September 10, 2020
Writer Will Black had this hope for the Earth’s blighted future.
When alien archaeologists of the future come to out scorched dead planet and manage to salvage some web content to understand us and our decline, I hope the first thing they find is train guy videos https://t.co/GKZ9AQFtn4 — Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) September 10, 2020
What a banter lantern.
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer’s given us another Train Guy clip – and it’s hilario
Source Bob Mortimer Image Bob Mortimer


thepoke--2020-09-11--9 brutal takedowns of the government’s pie-in-the-sky – Operation Moonshot

During Wednesday ’ s coronavirus update , Boris Johnson described the government ’ s intention of creating the most comprehensive @ @ @ @ @ , testing 10 million people a day , describing it as a moonshot .
This @ @ @ @ @ moonshot .
On Thursday , more details emerged of the project .
Grant Shapps confirmed @ @ @ @ @ t yet exist , scientists said it probably never will , and the government ’ @ @ @ @ @ cost would be upwards of £100 billion .
It ’ s a comfort that , @ @ @ @ @ that a no-deal Brexit would bring food shortages , at least there ’ ll be @ @ @ @ @ .
Not everybody was against the idea of a moonshot , however , although not @ @ @ @ @ .
The 12 funniest responses to the news that covid marshals will be enforcing the @ @

Twitter
During Wednesday’s coronavirus update, Boris Johnson described the government’s intention of creating the most comprehensive testing system in the world, testing 10 million people a day, describing it as a moonshot.
This is the definition of a moonshot.
“So what do you want to call it?” “Moonshot.” “Do you know what that means?” “No, but it sounds cool.” pic.twitter.com/At2EIMqPBQ — Daniel Krupa (@Krupa) September 10, 2020
On Thursday, more details emerged of the project. Grant Shapps confirmed that the technology doesn’t yet exist, scientists said it probably never will, and the government’s own studies suggested the cost would be upwards of £100 billion.
"Something that doesn't exist at the moment"
Transport Secretary, Grant Shapps MP, admits on #BBCBreakfast the technology to carry out PM's moonshot attempt for testing doesn't currently exist.https://t.co/AoY0xfqZeL pic.twitter.com/GrIyyyVgMV — BBC Breakfast (@BBCBreakfast) September 10, 2020
It’s a comfort that, as farmers and supermarkets warn that a no-deal Brexit would bring food shortages, at least there’ll be some pie in the sky.
Twitter was brutal.
1.
“I’ve called it Operation Moonshot and it’s definitely going to work and it’ll cost…. 100 billion pounds” pic.twitter.com/s7TxRVz28f — David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 10, 2020
2.
Cummings explains the Moonshot deal to Johnson. pic.twitter.com/4shfl0rdbV — Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) September 10, 2020
3.
Pretty stoked that the team behind the Garden Bridge has a plan to spaff £100 billion of our money on a medical thing where key bits of the technology haven't been invented yet, without the involvement of any medical practitioners… — Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) September 10, 2020
4.
Not so much Operation Moonshot as Operation Bullshit, I reckon — David__Osland (@David__Osland) September 10, 2020
5.
matt hancock announces he has allocated £500m on Operation Moonshot. That just leaves another £95bn to find… — John Crace (@JohnJCrace) September 10, 2020
6.
Now that our official policy is to solve problems using technology that doesn't exist, we are today launching 'Project Time Machine', where we will travel back to January and avoid doing all the stupid things that got us into this mess. #Moonshot — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) September 10, 2020
7.
Operation Moonshot. OPERATION MOONSHOT. What were the rejected titles? Operation Fuck It I Guess It’s Worth A Punt? — Adam Kay (@amateuradam) September 10, 2020
8.
The entirety of Labour’s 2019 manifesto would cost £20bn less than Johnson’s ‘moonshot’ which has been completely discredited less than 24 hours since he spoke of it. Has anyone asked where he’d get the money from? Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated? — Liam Young (@liamyoung) September 10, 2020
9.
That's OK. The technology for frictionless trade between Eire and Northern Ireland doesn't exist either and that all worked out JUST FINE. https://t.co/3QUNSfSGlV — Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) September 10, 2020
Not everybody was against the idea of a moonshot, however, although not the one on the table.
Let's put the entire front bench of the Tories in a rocket and fire it into space.
There's a fucking moonshot we can all get behind. — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) September 10, 2020
READ MORE
The 12 funniest responses to the news that covid marshals will be enforcing the new rules
Image David Schneider


thepoke--2020-09-11--This ‘handy guide’ for anti-maskers is admirably NSFW and straight to the point

This ‘ handy guide ’ is the perfect response for anyone who is reluctant to wear a mask even when @ @ @ @ @ government ) requires you to do so .
Admirably NSFW and straight to the point @ @ @ @ @ of these three shop signs which did a similar job .
A very satisfying takedown @ @ @ @ @ unfair 1-star review

Pics
This ‘handy guide’ is the perfect response for anyone who is reluctant to wear a mask even when common sense (and the government) requires you to do so.
Admirably NSFW and straight to the point. And it reminded us of these three shop signs which did a similar job.
READ MORE
A very satisfying takedown of this anti-masker’s unfair 1-star review
Source @ceribooth


thepoke--2020-09-11--This old Through the Keyhole has the unlikeliest gameshow reveal you’ll see

For readers of a certain age Through the Keyhole will have been a staple of your Friday night viewing .
@ @ @ @ @ episodes ourselves but we don ’ t remember watching this one .
‘ Have just @ @ @ @ @ unlikely gameshow reveal of all time , ’ says @ TomHourigan over on Twitter .
@ @ @ @ @ said about it .
It was all very … This contestant had the very best @ @ @ @ @ a TV gameshow

Videos
For readers of a certain age Through the Keyhole will have been a staple of your Friday night viewing. We watched quite a few episodes ourselves but we don’t remember watching this one.
‘Have just stumbled on possibly the most unlikely gameshow reveal of all time,’ says @TomHourigan over on Twitter.
And it’s no exaggeration.
Have just stumbled on possibly the most unlikely gameshow reveal of all time pic.twitter.com/aD8lstnsHD — Tom Hourigan (@TomHourigan) September 10, 2020
And our favourite things people said about it.
‘From that bookcase I can only assume it was someone who was held against their will in a foreign country?’ ****Crowd goes Ohhhh — Paul Lewin (@SpiderLewin) September 10, 2020
And I bet the panel got it. They always did. Very fishy. I used to like Dave Frosts introduction to the panel. Usually like “Here’s our panel, and what a panel they are. They’re like the Mary Rose. Broken and tattered but have risen to see another day” — Rob Osborne (@robosbornewales) September 10, 2020
They did…eventually…but imagine this out of context pic.twitter.com/V88nUDyRxm — Tom Hourigan (@TomHourigan) September 10, 2020
It was all very …
Talking of which …
READ MORE
This contestant had the very best response to being knocked off a TV gameshow
Source Twitter @TomHourigan


thepoke--2020-09-11--Frankie Boyle’s takedown of Priti Patel was simply savage

Frankie Boyle was back on BBC2 last night with a new episode of New World Order .
The show , @ @ @ @ @ sense of the bewildering world we live in ’ and there were lots of funny @ @ @ @ @ .
And this one .
But surely the best takedown was reserved for home secretary @ @ @ @ @ if you missed it , or you want to watch it again … The most @ @ @ @ @ Boyle has ever told


thepoke--2020-09-12--Donald Trump tried to say the Pledge of Allegiance and it didn’t end well – 7 favourite things peopl

Donald Trump tried to say the Pledge of Allegiance and it didn’t end well – 7 favourite things people said about it

Donald Trump was filmed reciting the Pledge of Allegiance at a 9/11 commemoration in Pennsylvania on Friday and it went @ @ @ @ @ ’ d expect .
Some people – quite a lot of people , in fact @ @ @ @ @ ’ t quite got it right .
Here are our 7 favourite things people said @ @ @ @ @ of Trump without his fake tan or hair is just perfect

Videos
Donald Trump was filmed reciting the Pledge of Allegiance at a 9/11 commemoration in Pennsylvania on Friday and it went about as well as you’d expect.
President Trump recites the Pledge of Allegiance at this morning’s 9/11 commemoration in Shanksville, PA. pic.twitter.com/KZPWjai9ye — The Recount (@therecount) September 11, 2020
Some people – quite a lot of people, in fact – wondered if Trump hadn’t quite got it right.
Here are our 7 favourite things people said about it.
1.
Trump doesn't seem to know the words to the Pledge of Allegiance https://t.co/LTQqccPuXC — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 11, 2020
2.
That word “recites” is getting a real work out in this video. I would say that Donald and Melania were “present” for the Pledge of Allegiance. https://t.co/4vsmgMsKCU — Fred Wellman (@FPWellman) September 11, 2020
3.
Is it worse to try and miserably fail or not try at all? https://t.co/Beec3mdOox — Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 11, 2020
4.
Why does Trump refuse to say “under God” during the Pledge of Allegiance? Wasn’t he rage tweeting about this 3 Sundays ago from the golf course? pic.twitter.com/RUhf48gXCI — Christine Pelosi (@sfpelosi) September 11, 2020
5.
https://twitter.com/Amy_Siskind/status/1304451236851220487?s=20
6.
Excuse me but it seems kind of important that Trump doesn’t remember the words of the Pledge Allegiance to the Flag https://t.co/H9YYxNxd6J — Mia Farrow (@MiaFarrow) September 11, 2020
7.
Between Trump & Melania, neither of them know the Pledge of Allegiance. Just say no, kids. @realDonaldTrump @FLOTUS https://t.co/dbfhEQUUbM — NoelCaslerComedy (@CaslerNoel) September 11, 2020
To conclude …
Frank Drebin singing the National Anthem. https://t.co/YRCmFDKy70 — Schooley (@Rschooley) September 11, 2020
READ MORE
This description of Trump without his fake tan or hair is just perfect
Source @therecount


thepoke--2020-09-12--Takedown of the day

Takedown of the day

'Contender for best comeback in the history of Twitter ... '

Popular
Takedown of the day comes courtesy of Redditor Cyan-Ghost who said: ‘Oof Size Large.’
They’re not kidding.
READ MORE
Frankie Boyle’s takedown of Priti Patel was simply savage
Source Reddit u/Cyan-Ghost


thepoke--2020-09-12--‘Contender for best comeback in the history of Twitter …’

Over on Twitter , Andrew Bloch went viral this week with what he reckons could be the best Twitter comeback @ @ @ @ @ he might be right .
And he didn ’ t stop there .
Andrew – @ @ @ @ @ shared a bunch of other favourites and they all belong in the comeback hall of @ @ @ @ @ this one .
And this one , by the Wales Air Ambulance Charity .
And @ @ @ @ @ Mail .
And finally , over to Tesco Mobile .

Twitter
Over on Twitter, @AndrewBloch went viral this week with what he reckons could be the best Twitter comeback of all time.
And he might be right.
BOOM!
And he didn’t stop there. Andrew shared a bunch of other favourites and they all belong in the comeback hall of fame.
There was also this one.
And this one, by the Wales Air Ambulance Charity.
And this, by the Royal Mail.
And finally, over to you, Tesco Mobile.
Well played, all.
READ MORE
Simply 23 funny and ferocious comebacks
Source @AndrewBloch


thepoke--2020-09-12--The real reason the dinosaurs died out is just the content we needed today

This exchange between ‘ God ’ and ‘ Angel ’ by @ lizemopetey over on TikTok is 21 seconds very @ @ @ @ @ created by @ lizemopetey who you can find on TikTok here and on Twitter here @ @ @ @ @ some of the things people were saying about it .

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This exchange between ‘God’ and ‘Angel’ by @lizemopetey over on TikTok is 21 seconds very well spent.
i’ve watched this 33 times and i cry-laughed each time pic.twitter.com/MT89M4XP3D — mike taddow (@taddmike) September 10, 2020
It was created by @lizemopetey who you can find on TikTok here and on Twitter here.
And here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
i don’t understand why this is making me laugh so much & how i keep laughing the more i watch it pic.twitter.com/otPHustZ0m — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) September 11, 2020
the tears in her eyes pushes me over the edge every time. i can’t stop. — Lana Berry (@Lana) September 10, 2020
Can you win an Oscar for a TikTok? pic.twitter.com/skJs4TKgf0 — Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) September 10, 2020
The pause before the “what” is seemingly too long but then you realize it’s JUST RIGHT — tricerapops (@tricerapops) September 10, 2020
well that explains it pic.twitter.com/0DrWuA7VbT — Washington Post TikTok Guy (@davejorgenson) September 10, 2020
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This 3-year-old’s Dinosaur Love Song is hilariously brutal
Source @lizemopetey H/T @taddmike


thepoke--2020-09-12--People enjoyed Kay Burley’s comeback after she was accused of being obsessed with Tony Abbott

You may have seen Kay Burley ’ s interview with Matt Hancock in which she pressed the so-called suitability of @ @ @ @ @ to be a trade envoy for the UK .
Hancock was on Burley ’ s @ @ @ @ @ the week and she asked him about it all over again .
By which point @ @ @ @ @ little of her line of questioning .
Specifically , this guy .
It didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ Sky News presenter , whose response was a masterclass in efficiency .
“ Tony Abbott @ @ @ @ @ misogynist ” – 11 blistering takedowns of Matt Hancock ’ s response

Twitter
You may have seen Kay Burley’s interview with Matt Hancock in which she pressed the so-called health secretary about the suitability of former Australian PM Tony Abbott as a trade envoy for the UK.
“Tony Abbott is a homophobe and a misogynist” Health Sec @MattHancock: “He’s also an expert on trade”#KayBurley JM pic.twitter.com/92IFWVcDYH — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) September 3, 2020
Hancock was on Burley’s Sky News show later in the week and she asked him about it all over again.
Health Sec, @MattHancock: “Tony Abbott’s sister, who is herself homosexual, said those accusations are wrong.” “What about the former Australian PM who said he was a misogynist, should we listen to her?”@MattHancock: “Well I’m not that close to Aus politics”.#KayBurley JJ pic.twitter.com/2w0ljcNITU — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) September 9, 2020
By which point some people were tiring a little of her line of questioning. Specifically, this guy.
The year is 2046. Coronavirus, civil unrest and nuclear war have ravaged the UK. Kay Burley sits in a wooden shack, in the middle of some scrubland, asking a mannequin wearing a tie if he thinks Tony Abbott is a homophobe. — Tom Slater (@Tom_Slater_) September 10, 2020
It didn’t go unnoticed by the Sky News presenter, and her response went even more viral.
…and you’ll probably still be a ‘deputy editor’ ☺ https://t.co/TI9hoAuXM2 — Kay Burley (@KayBurley) September 10, 2020
Boom.
Hopefully the mannequin will be running the country at that point and doing a better job 🤞 — SmallButFierce (@itsallprettybad) September 10, 2020
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“Tony Abbott is a homophobe and a misogynist” – 11 blistering takedowns of Matt Hancock’s response


thepoke--2020-09-13--“I replaced tennis grunts and moans with Michael Jackson’s grunts and moans”

Steve Martin 's answer to his mask problem is just one more reason to love him

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We’ve no idea why Reddit user u/markeightyfive has done this, but we are exceptionally glad that he has…


thepoke--2020-09-13--Steve Martin’s answer to his mask problem is just one more reason to love him

Comedy legend Steve Martin showed his support for mask-wearing and took a good-natured pot shot at attention-seeking celebrities in one @ @ @ @ @ , which looks set to go viral .
That ought to fix it .
Actor @ @ @ @ @ obviously feeling a little “ seen ” .
Make yourself a sign , Kevin .
@ @ @ @ @ way .
Have you seen Steve Martin ’ s business card ?

Twitter
Comedy legend Steve Martin showed his support for mask-wearing and took a good-natured pot shot at attention-seeking celebrities in one fell swoop with this tweet, which looks set to go viral.
I always wear a mask when I go outside. But something about it was leaving me anxious and unsettled. I thought about the problem, addressed it, and here is the solution. pic.twitter.com/aUW4jHI3dX — Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) September 12, 2020
That ought to fix it.
the old "arrow-through-the-head" know-how is finally paying dividends! — Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) September 12, 2020
He's mocking narcissists!!🤣I adore Steve Martin! https://t.co/jygZd3KkLN — LenoreJD 🥫I Throw Soup🥫 (@Verdun_Gal) September 12, 2020
Ok… @SteveMartinToGo has a solution for those of you who feel wearing a mask is losing a bit of yourself… https://t.co/oRFPTAICWh — ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) September 12, 2020
National treasure. Which could also be on the sign. https://t.co/29AtUmSO5P — David Simon (@AoDespair) September 12, 2020
Who loves Steve Martin? 🙋♂ https://t.co/LetM4QxS5x — Chip Franklin (@chipfranklin) September 12, 2020
Actor and comedian Kevin Pollak was obviously feeling a little “seen”.
Painfully hilarious because it’s true of all moderately recognizable performers, like, I don’t know, me. https://t.co/xoLrLAJQFA — Kevin Pollak (@kevinpollak) September 12, 2020
Make yourself a sign, Kevin. The master has shown the way.
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Have you seen Steve Martin’s business card?
Source Steve Martin Image Steve Martin


thepoke--2020-09-13--Parkour genius demonstrates the ‘don’t try this at home’ way to catch a train

King Spider has what can only be described as phenomenal skills – oh , okay , also with synonyms of @ @ @ @ @ clip of him almost missing his train is set to go viral because …well , @ @ @ @ @ you can ’ t try that at home , but don ’ t try it @ @ @ @ @ Spider ’ s amazing abilities – and don ’ t mind getting arrested , because @ @ @ @ @ illegal .
Actually , just don ’ t try it .
It turned up on @ @ @ @ @ s been viewed 100,000 times in just 15 hours .
This being a pandemic and @ @ @ @ @ these two responses deserved an airing .
But we really had to take our hats @ @ @ @ @ from Curb Your Enthusiasm GIFs via Gfycat You can find King Spider on Instagram or @ @ @ @ @ his impressive stunts .
These high-rise parkour antics are giving people the fear

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King Spider has what can only be described as phenomenal skills – oh, okay, also with synonyms of ‘phenomenal’.
This clip of him almost missing his train is set to go viral because …well, see for yourself.
Obviously you can’t try that at home, but don’t try it anywhere unless you have King Spider’s amazing abilities – and don’t mind getting arrested, because it’s quite possibly illegal. Actually, just don’t try it.
It turned up on Twitter, where it’s been viewed 100,000 times in just 15 hours.
Athlete seen at Broadway Junction…I bet the Jets or Giants could use him Via ig:kiing_spiider pic.twitter.com/HziztDVOGg — Icculus The Brave (@FirenzeMike) September 12, 2020
That's not an athlete, that's a superhero in street clothes. https://t.co/aVyv2HkJE9 — Paul Friedmann (@mathteacherjedi) September 12, 2020
Spider-Man's out here catching trains in NYC… https://t.co/iKtDCGnYEd — Wilfred Reilly (@wil_da_beast630) September 12, 2020
This being a pandemic and all that, we thought these two responses deserved an airing.
Glad to see him putting safety first and wearing a mask. 😱 pic.twitter.com/Ug7cpaiUii — Britgirl's Hates Brexit #FBPE (@MarieAnnUK) September 12, 2020
He needs to pull that mask up over his nose. — Mike Shor (@MikeShor) September 12, 2020
But we really had to take our hats off to this sceptic.
Ridiculous fake footage…no way you can get a seat on the met — Chris “Specific and Limited” Formaggia (@ChrisFormaggia) September 12, 2020
from Curb Your Enthusiasm GIFs via Gfycat
You can find King Spider on Instagram or YouTube to see more of his impressive stunts.
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These high-rise parkour antics are giving people the fear
Source King Spider Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-09-13--Boris Johnson plans to ‘opt out of Human Rights laws’ – 11 firm objections

Boris Johnson has decided to take a step back from *checks notes* human rights laws , although the details are @ @ @ @ @ s how the Telegraph shared the news .
The article came in for some criticism @ @ @ @ @ that up at PMQs .
Boris Johnson tried to string two words together and it @ @ @ @ @ think

News
Boris Johnson has decided to take a step back from *checks notes* human rights laws, although the details are somewhat sketchy.
Here’s how the Telegraph shared the news.
Sunday TELEGRAPH: “Johnson set to opt out of human rights laws” #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/bxlD7TzvHw — Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) September 12, 2020
The article came in for some criticism.
This article is so deeply confused. You're not going to opt-out of the Human Rights Act. That's domestic legislation. I think they're trying to say the European Convention but honestly it's so all over the place it's hard to discern. https://t.co/Z5OrTcOJW5 — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) September 12, 2020
I Am Incorrigible FCA clarified somewhat.
Sunday Telegraph reports Boris Johnson intends to opt out of major portions of the European Convention on Human Rights First punted back in Feb, this could mean repudiating the GFA, lose the UKs seat on the Council of Europe & end EU cooperation on policing & crime.@lbc #marr pic.twitter.com/JlDBzbUBhz — I Am Incorrigible FCA (@ImIncorrigible) September 12, 2020
People weren’t happy – or particularly surprised.
1.
Well THAT didn't take long. Coming next week: Priti Patel smirkingly announces the reintroduction of hanging. https://t.co/FsJuEpr56x — Charlie Stross (@cstross) September 12, 2020
2.
Ignoring international law, trying to criminalise protest & ‘opting out’ of human rights laws. For such a Eurosceptic party they really like 1930s Germany, don’t they? pic.twitter.com/jp9BhcJPvA — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) September 12, 2020
3.
I mean let’s be fair here. You start letting humans have rights, where will it end? Animal rights? Special rights for children? End of days. https://t.co/vcg5QmKHOq — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) September 12, 2020
4.
Wonder if it’s possible to opt out of the law that says you’re not allowed to bury the Prime Minister under a thousand cubic metres of dogshit. pic.twitter.com/77ZedGIwze — Profanity Dog (@ProfanityDog) September 12, 2020
5.
It’s fine, though. The only people who benefit from human rights legislation are the foreigns and the queers, right? If the laws were there to protect everyone, that would be the time to worry about a government with no regard for its citizens trying to tear them up. pic.twitter.com/TBbXHadJay — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) September 12, 2020
6.
Boris Johnson wants to opt out of civilisation https://t.co/FKU6NKVTyX — Ian Fraser (@Ian_Fraser) September 12, 2020
7.
Yes please, human rights, terrible things, let's get rid of them https://t.co/8UHLfdJfT9 — Jacob Aron (@jjaron) September 12, 2020
8.
And then they came for me… https://t.co/WPXc1ml0X1 — Mr Malky (@MrMalky) September 12, 2020
9.
'The Sunday Telegraph, all the authoritarian-curious government kite-flying that's fit to print' https://t.co/TbMrq90vhA — Peter Geoghegan (@PeterKGeoghegan) September 12, 2020
10.
Pesky human rights, getting in the way of bringing back feudal serfdom https://t.co/lmeb2mo9YL — Enough Of That Now (@AndyGilder) September 12, 2020
11.
As a cat, this doesn’t bother me, but if I were a human I’d want clarity pretty quickly on which rights the government wants to take away from me… pic.twitter.com/7Y8PzwEgty — Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 12, 2020
Finally, former MP Sarah Wollaston had a question.
Which of their own human rights would MPs want to lose? pic.twitter.com/JwirfSigSg — Sarah Wollaston (@sarahwollaston) September 12, 2020
Perhaps someone can bring that up at PMQs.
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Boris Johnson tried to string two words together and it’s harder than you think
Source @AllieHBNews Image Telegraph