thepoke--2020-01-30--18 things you can say during sex and while shopping in IKEA (NSFW)

According to received wisdom , kids say the funniest things , but Twitter can give them a run for their @ @ @ @ @ re not going to suggest for a moment that it ’ s because tweeters are @ @ @ @ @ probably best not to speculate on why , or whether he was choosing a Billy @ @ @ @ @ but Twitter certainly responded well .
These were our favourite suggestions .

Twitter
According to received wisdom, kids say the funniest things, but Twitter can give them a run for their money – and we’re not going to suggest for a moment that it’s because tweeters are childish.
Someone named seamus from creggan set a challenge.
Whats the one thing you can say during sex and shopping in Ikea pic.twitter.com/rGZGc30BQ6 — seamus from creggan (@shimboi) January 29, 2020
It’s probably best not to speculate on why, or whether he was choosing a Billy bookcase as tweeted it, but Twitter certainly responded well.
These were our favourite suggestions.
1.
I wish we weren't in IKEA. https://t.co/nGUM1yHxOE — Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) January 29, 2020
2.
can’t believe I trekked to outer Tottenham for this and still feel thoroughly empty inside https://t.co/4ex5rEZXJo — Sean (@seanbgoneill) January 29, 2020
3.
Well you won’t know what bit goes where and you won’t follow the simple instructions so I’ll end up having to do it all my fucking self https://t.co/LeO4jPoQR9 — Mappers (@CarolMaps) January 29, 2020
4.
We’ve been here less than a minute and I’m already sorry I came https://t.co/tR4va5PY7W — Here’s what I reckon: (@angryaboutbikes) January 29, 2020
5.
I only came for the balls https://t.co/9rr13BNmtf — Corey (@CoreyMilby) January 29, 2020
6.
Let's try sitting on it first. https://t.co/E5uM4gV3xM — Violet (@VioletDates) January 30, 2020
7.
"It looked better in the photos" https://t.co/gQiXt7BdUu — Jonathan Brown (JB) (@JB_AU) January 29, 2020
8.
I know it's a lot, but we'll find a way to make it fit. https://t.co/ZuHy98TAdy — Jake Ott – 1/40 (@JetpackOtter) January 29, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-01-30--Watch the uplifting moment a whole park joined in with Livin’ On A Prayer

Surely all of us , at some point , have found ourselves singing along with someone else without really meaning to , even if it ’ s just a sneaky hum in the cereal aisle at the supermarket .
One man who was enjoying a little drink and a sing on a park bench in Embankment Gardens found out what happens when everybody knows the song – and it ’ s quite beautiful .
Redditor akim5847 ‘ s post on the r/publicfreakout subreddit , originally from Matej Priteržnik ‘ s YouTube account , proved extremely popular , probably because it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ right now .
Here are just a few of the many appreciative comments .
I ’ ve actually seen this happen a few times in my life .
There ’ s something about that song that compels all nearby Americans to join in .
Granted every time was at a bar , but still good times .
Someone called AttackMail said what a lot of people were probably thinking .
As a special treat – or not , depending on your point of view – here ’ s the original version from a @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Surely all of us, at some point, have found ourselves singing along with someone else without really meaning to, even if it’s just a sneaky hum in the cereal aisle at the supermarket.
One man who was enjoying a little drink and a sing on a park bench in Embankment Gardens found out what happens when everybody knows the song – and it’s quite beautiful.
Redditor akim5847‘s post on the r/publicfreakout subreddit, originally from Matej Priteržnik‘s YouTube account, proved extremely popular, probably because it’s the lift we all need right now.
Here are just a few of the many appreciative comments.
Straight out a Coca-Cola type comercial but real. 1steinwolf1
The energy when they sing the refrain. Gergely_Boda
I’ve actually seen this happen a few times in my life. There’s something about that song that compels all nearby Americans to join in. Granted every time was at a bar, but still good times. QueueBitz
Someone called AttackMail said what a lot of people were probably thinking.
If only the whole world was like this…
As a special treat – or not, depending on your point of view – here’s the original version from a very hirsute Bon Jovi.
Source Reddit Image Matej Priteržnik YouTube


thepoke--2020-01-30--Finally – a translation of all those annoying business-speak phrases

All professions have their own glossaries , understood mostly by insiders , but anyone who works in a corporate setting @ @ @ @ @ that are less a useful shorthand and more passive-aggressive snark .
Culture writer , Delia @ @ @ @ @ and invited others to do the same .
There followed quite the avalanche of business-speak @ @ @ @ @ the handy list the corporate world doesn ’ t want you to see .

Twitter
All professions have their own glossaries, understood mostly by insiders, but anyone who works in a corporate setting will have heard countless phrases that are less a useful shorthand and more passive-aggressive snark.
Culture writer, Delia Paunescu shared one common expression and invited others to do the same.
i've recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other. "I’m a little confused" is by far my favorite – it's absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry. what are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases? — delia paunescu (@delia_p) January 29, 2020
There followed quite the avalanche of business-speak, and it’s the handy list the corporate world doesn’t want you to see.
1.
"i was under the impression that …" which is my professional way of saying that you are not only wrong, but additionally I know you are because I know more than you about this thing https://t.co/hwRqr9dazi — kylie 🌸 (@kyliesomasis) January 29, 2020
2.
"This should be more of a listening session for you" is the nicest way I've ever been told to shut the hell up. https://t.co/3UkoNzTOdG — Jackson Lanzing writes weird. (@JacksonLanzing) January 29, 2020
3.
Stealing from somewhere but it’s true: “I hope this helps!”=never ask me for anything ever again — Lala Escargot, collector of curses 🎉 (@guitarpsichord) January 29, 2020
4.
“I wanted to follow up” – you forgot didn’t you? Didn’t you? Am I a joke to you?! — Jamie Keller @ #SCGCON (@Jamie7Keller) January 29, 2020
5.
“As previously discussed” = I didn’t put in writing last time because I thought you were an adult. — Mitch Dinkins (@MitchDinkins) January 29, 2020
6.
“Did you mean to say this here…” “Can you explain the thought process behind this to me a little bit more” https://t.co/UhbZBzXs16 — Yooty Mom x 3 (@yooty) January 29, 2020
7.
“I’m balancing a lot this week” = “Just a quick reminder that I’m not your employee.” — David Gibb (@DaveWritesJunk) January 29, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-01-30--The Brexit Party pulled a last-day stunt in the European Parliament – 13 scathing takedowns

After 47 years , the UK has sat in its final session of the European Parliament ahead of exiting the @ @ @ @ @ Having approved the Withdrawal Deal already passed in the House of Commons , the assembled @ @ @ @ @ gesture .
It moved journalist and ardent Remainer Ian Dunt to tears .
It would @ @ @ @ @ way to bow out as the UK could expect , under the circumstances , but @ @ @ @ @ ideas .
They did this .
European Parliament Vice-president , Mairead McGuinness , firmly put @ @ @ @ @ but the disapproval spilled over onto Twitter .

Twitter
After 47 years, the UK has sat in its final session of the European Parliament ahead of exiting the European Union on Friday.
Having approved the Withdrawal Deal already passed in the House of Commons, the assembled MEPs made this touching farewell gesture.
Singing of Auld Lang Syne starts in the European Parliament as the Brexit Withdrawal Agreement is approved by MEPshttps://t.co/tzNNPSGZXc pic.twitter.com/pTiLrW0Qlf — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) January 29, 2020
It moved journalist and ardent Remainer Ian Dunt to tears.
Yep. That got me. That made me cry. https://t.co/l1wd4StNIm — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) January 29, 2020
It would have been as good a way to bow out as the UK could expect, under the circumstances, but the Brexit Party had other ideas.
They did this.
WATCH: Leader of the Brexit Party Nigel Farage waves British flag before leaving European Parliament | Read more: https://t.co/ibqt1PycY4 pic.twitter.com/MBZRnPsetg — RTÉ News (@rtenews) January 29, 2020
European Parliament Vice-president, Mairead McGuinness, firmly put them in its place, but the disapproval spilled over onto Twitter.
1.
Our nation has been utterly humiliated by the actions of this xenophobic, carpet-bagging chancer, but it’s never too late to shame us one last time. pic.twitter.com/2vXY5oL8aj — David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 29, 2020
2.
Why do I suspect the EU’s February Spotify playlist will kick off with a wee bit of Gloria Gaynor? They are changing the fucking locks at the stroke of midnight guys.
pic.twitter.com/rOzftLI3pA — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) January 29, 2020
3.
Disgraceful to the end. pic.twitter.com/edgs5amvzN — Michael Jones (@MrMichaelEU) January 29, 2020
4.
It’s like a scene from Monty Python. Grinning, jeering and waving their little flags as the ship sinks under them. https://t.co/qGJy14JJBx — Oisín McGann (@OisinMcGann) January 29, 2020
5.
These obnoxious, petty, small-minded, provincial, braying bags of pus. I’m embarrassed to share a species with them, let alone a country. pic.twitter.com/sR54VLr97R — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 29, 2020
6.


‘Point taken’

In the category of ‘ warning signs that are really not messing around ’ this one is close to the @ @ @ @ @ taken , ’ said Baldeagle33 who shared it on Imgur .
These 15 warning signs @ @ @ @ @ – defy them at your peril

Pics
In the category of ‘warning signs that are really not messing around’ this one is close to the very top.
‘Point taken,’ said Baldeagle33 who shared it on Imgur.
‘Would have been simpler to just write RANDY BULL.’ VeryStableGenius
READ MORE
These 15 warning signs have really cut the bullshit – defy them at your peril
Source Imgur Baldeagle33


thepoke--2020-02-04--‘My attempt at a confusing perspective trick’ is brilliantly bamboozling

The more we watch this , the less we understand it .
And we ’ ve watched it so often @ @ @ @ @ t understand it at all .
‘ I think this fried my last five functioning @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s very well done.
’ Dj193 These people reckon they know how it @ @ @ @ @ The dude did some pretty great effects and editing here .
When he steps back @ @ @ @ @ shades of brown differ between the bottom half and top half of the box .
@ @ @ @ @ box slightly wiggles when he opens the flaps while the bottom half is stationary .
@ @ @ @ @ two different sized boxes at the same angle but in different takes .
Then a @ @ @ @ @ LaurenceFishburns ‘ I have worked tirelessly to do the math on this , and it @ @ @ @ @ equal to confusion.
’ Perm-suspended Perspective wreaked havoc with this picture of 2 pigeons and @ @ @ @ @

Videos
The more we watch this, the less we understand it. And we’ve watched it so often, we really don’t understand it at all.
Clever!
‘I think this fried my last five functioning brain cells watching this. It’s very well done.’ Dj193
These people reckon they know how it’s done.
‘It’s not really a confusing perspective trick. It’s a visual effects shot.’ JustOneSexQuestion ‘The dude did some pretty great effects and editing here. When he steps back, you can see the shades of brown differ between the bottom half and top half of the box. The top half of the box slightly wiggles when he opens the flaps while the bottom half is stationary. Basically he just lined up two different sized boxes at the same angle but in different takes. Then a wizard did the rest.’ LaurenceFishburns
We’re sticking with ‘magic’.
‘I have worked tirelessly to do the math on this, and it checks out. Video is equal to confusion.’ Perm-suspended
READ MORE
Perspective wreaked havoc with this picture of 2 pigeons and it made it much better
Source Reddit u/bananimator


thepoke--2020-02-04--A man asked if he was right to cut off his family after they crashed his honeymoon and the internet

A man asked if he was right to cut off his family after they crashed his honeymoon and the internet spoke as one

There are lots of things that can go wrong at a wedding and it ’ s no surprise that people are occasionally a bag of nerves/utterly terrified as the big day approaches .
But when it ’ s all over and you arrive at your honeymoon destination , it ’ s the moment you can finally , totally relax and do what you ’ ve been really wanting to do .
Like sleep for 48 hours .
Anyway , this wasn ’ t an option for this poor chap , whose family surprised him by crashing his honeymoon and it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t end well .
He was anxious , though , to consult Reddit ’ s ‘ Am I The Asshole ’ subReddit to make sure he ’ d done the right thing .
It turns out he need not have worried .
Here ’ s just a flavour of the supportive responses his post generated .
‘ Congrats on your wedding .
You made your boundaries clear and they aren ’ t respecting them .
So you need to escalate unfortunately.
’ CakeisaDie ‘ What the fuck .
A honeymoon is for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to spend time away , as a couple , ALONE .
Your family has major boundary issues.
’ 1_JustBreakup ‘ I ’ m reading your comments and the decades of behavior you ’ re describing isn ’ t love .
It ’ s control and obsession .
It doesn ’ t mean that they don ’ t love you , but saying you feel guilty because they love you is doing yourself an incredible disservice .
NTA [ Not the Asshole ] and I hope whatever choice you make will allow you to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bridal magazine ’ s wedding night tips went viral because they ’ re so weird

Popular
There are lots of things that can go wrong at a wedding and it’s no surprise that people are occasionally a bag of nerves/utterly terrified as the big day approaches.
But when it’s all over and you arrive at your honeymoon destination, it’s the moment you can finally, totally relax and do what you’ve been really wanting to do. Like sleep for 48 hours.
Anyway, this wasn’t an option for this poor chap, whose family surprised him by crashing his honeymoon and it’s fair to say it didn’t end well.
He was anxious, though, to consult Reddit’s ‘Am I The Asshole’ subReddit to make sure he’d done the right thing. It turns out he need not have worried.
Here’s just a flavour of the supportive responses his post generated.
‘Congrats on your wedding. You made your boundaries clear and they aren’t respecting them. So you need to escalate unfortunately.’ CakeisaDie ‘What the fuck. A honeymoon is for the newly wedded couple to be able to spend time away, as a couple, ALONE. Your family has major boundary issues.’ 1_JustBreakup ‘I’m reading your comments and the decades of behavior you’re describing isn’t love. It’s control and obsession. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, but saying you feel guilty because they love you is doing yourself an incredible disservice. NTA [Not the Asshole] and I hope whatever choice you make will allow you to have a healthier life.’ waterwitch602
READ MORE
This bridal magazine’s wedding night tips went viral because they’re so weird
Source Reddit u/hmoondramathrowaway H/T Someecards Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-02-04--The takedown of this anti-abortion post was magical

‘ There was an attempt … to prove abortion is murder , ’ writes victor_133 over on Reddit .
And @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ Seems like satire , ’ said DubFactory on Reddit .
‘ Seems like @ @ @ @ @ for and reposted while believing in it , ’ said the_ocalhoun .
‘ I ’ @ @ @ @ @ meme began its life as satire .
And I ’ m also 100 % sure @ @ @ @ @ True ChristiansTM out there spreading it right now as absolute truth and blocking anybody who @ @ @ @ @ delivers an epic takedown to men ‘ grandstanding ’ about abortion rights

Pics
‘There was an attempt … to prove abortion is murder,’ writes victor_133 over on Reddit.
And the takedown was simply magical.
‘Seems like satire,’ said DubFactory on Reddit. ‘Seems like satire that someone then fell for and reposted while believing in it,’ reckoned the_ocalhoun. ‘I’m 100% sure this meme began its life as satire. And I’m also 100% sure that there’s some True ChristiansTM out there spreading it right now as absolute truth and blocking anybody who points out otherwise.’
READ MORE
Mum delivers an epic takedown to men ‘grandstanding’ about abortion rights
Source Reddit u/victor_133


thepoke--2020-02-04--Perspective wreaked havoc with this picture of 2 pigeons and it made it much better

‘ There was an attempt … to photograph birds , ’ writes sted by herr_johannes over on Reddit .
The @ @ @ @ @ will make you question your own eyes

Pics
‘There was an attempt … to photograph birds,’ writes sted by herr_johannes over on Reddit.
READ MORE
The perspective in these 18 images will make you question your own eyes
Source Reddit u/herr_johannes


thepoke--2020-02-04--The complexity of this pint of Guinness challenge is simply insane

There is no doubt at all if we tried this we ’ d fall at the first hurdle .
But @ @ @ @ @ the least we can say is we ’ re impressed , very impressed .
Just @ @ @ @ @ ’ t ask any more of him … it does .
Buy that man a @ @ @ @ @ it any way he wants .
“ The last thing a craft beer sees before @ @ @

Videos
There is no doubt at all if we tried this we’d fall at the first hurdle.
But this guy is nothing short of extraordinary. Just when you think it can’t ask any more of him … it does.
Buy that man a pint and let him drink it any way he wants.
‘Bloody hell I’m impressed.’ cruisin5268d
READ MORE
“The last thing a craft beer sees before it dies”
Source Reddit u/CosmicQuests_


thepoke--2020-02-04--This hungover guy asked for a day off and his boss had the best response

There ’ s nothing worse than having to go to work with a hangover and some people – not us @ @ @ @ @ – might be tempted to pull a sickie and stay in bed .
Which is @ @ @ @ @ , telling his boss he had ‘ the runs ’ and asking him if he @ @ @ @ @ .
But it ’ s not his excuse we ’ re here for , it @ @ @ @ @ s 10/10 response , which sent the exchange wildly viral on Twitter .
A worker @ @ @ @ @ late by sending a picture

Twitter
There’s nothing worse than having to go to work with a hangover and some people – not us, obviously, or you – might be tempted to pull a sickie and stay in bed.
Which is exactly what this chap tried, telling his boss he had ‘the runs’ and asking him if he could take the day off.
But it’s not his excuse we’re here for, it’s his boss’s 10/10 response, which sent the exchange wildly viral on Twitter.
READ MORE
A worker ruined her excuse for being late by sending a picture
Source Twitter @Mark_McLelland H/T Indy100


thepoke--2020-02-04--This man left his girlfriend at the airport after her passport expired and went on holiday without h

This man left his girlfriend at the airport after her passport expired and went on holiday without her

Relationship dilemma of the week – you are going on holiday with your partner only to turn up at the airport to discover their passport has expired .
Yours , however , is totally fine and the plane leaves in two hours .
Do you go on holiday without them ?
This guy did , and he checked in with Reddit ’ s ‘ Am I The Asshole ’ subReddit to make sure he ’ d done the right thing .
He lost our sympathy at the ‘ basic skills ’ bit – we ’ re not liking his tone @ @ @ @ @ @ @ else – well , most people – was on his side .
‘ NTA .
That is incredibly frustrating , and she can ’ t go through life like that .
It isn ’ t safe , I ’ m sure there are women who aren ’ t as resourceful or resilient as your mother and end up in even worse situations because they don ’ t have any life skills.
’ Professor Emeritass ‘ NTA .
If she is an adult then she is , and should be , responsible for doing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ well in advance to make sure her passport had at least a year on it .
There was no reason you should have been “ punished ” for her failure to complete such a basic task by missing out on the trip .
I would sit down with her and tell her exactly what you ’ ve said here – that you want a partner , not a child .
If she is unable or unwilling to act like an adult then you are not compatible.
’ vodka_philosophy ‘ NTA .
This isn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trait that you are expecting her to change for you , it ’ s just being an adult .
Having said that , I would absolutely be a dead man walking if I tried to leave my GF at the airport to enjoy the holiday solo.
’ QSarICL We ’ re with this person ( we since found out EHS stands for ‘ everyone here sucks ’ in case , like us , you didn ’ t know ) .
‘ ESH .
You write about your girlfriend like she ’ s some @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on occasion .
You don ’ t seem to have much affection for her .
Either self sufficiency isn ’ t as important to you as you claim , or you like being the smartest person in the relationship .
Why are you with someone you obviously have very little respect for ?
’ PithyRiposte This woman had the perfect riposte for her boyfriend who said she spent too long getting ready

Popular
Relationship dilemma of the week – you are going on holiday with your partner only to turn up at the airport to discover their passport has expired.
Yours, however, is totally fine and the plane leaves in two hours. Do you go on holiday without them? This guy did, and he checked in with Reddit’s ‘Am I The Asshole’ subReddit to make sure he’d done the right thing.
He lost our sympathy at the ‘basic skills’ bit – we’re not liking his tone – but it turns out that everyone else – well, most people – was on his side.
‘NTA [Not The Asshole]. That is incredibly frustrating, and she can’t go through life like that. It isn’t safe, I’m sure there are women who aren’t as resourceful or resilient as your mother and end up in even worse situations because they don’t have any life skills.’ Professor Emeritass ‘NTA. If she is an adult then she is, and should be, responsible for doing adult things. You even asked her well in advance to make sure her passport had at least a year on it. There was no reason you should have been “punished” for her failure to complete such a basic task by missing out on the trip. I would sit down with her and tell her exactly what you’ve said here – that you want a partner, not a child. If she is unable or unwilling to act like an adult then you are not compatible.’ vodka_philosophy ‘NTA. This isn’t some kind of intrinsic personality trait that you are expecting her to change for you, it’s just being an adult. Having said that, I would absolutely be a dead man walking if I tried to leave my GF at the airport to enjoy the holiday solo.’ QSarICL
We’re with this person (we since found out EHS stands for ‘everyone here sucks’ in case, like us, you didn’t know).
‘ESH. You write about your girlfriend like she’s some random idiot you just happen to see on occasion. You don’t seem to have much affection for her. Either self sufficiency isn’t as important to you as you claim, or you like being the smartest person in the relationship. Why are you with someone you obviously have very little respect for?’ PithyRiposte
READ MORE
This woman had the perfect riposte for her boyfriend who said she spent too long getting ready
Source Reddit u/tawayaitalifeskills H/T Someecards Image Pexels


thepoke--2020-02-04--This video showing the speed with which a bushfire moves in Australia is terrifying

We had an inkling that the bushfires in Australia move fast .
We just had no idea how fast .
@ @ @ @ @ Bushfire in Australia moves … ’ writes hoffster247 over on Reddit .
‘ Sunny day @ @ @ @ @ gif.
’ _Diskreet_ ‘ The fact that the police officer just kept it in reverse @ @ @ @ @ the highway was a sign of what was about to go down.
’ Mr_Hashtag ‘ @ @ @ @ @ road would slow it down .
I was very wrong.
’ TTHEST These graphics really @ @ @ @ @ the fires burning in Australia

Videos
We had an inkling that the bushfires in Australia move fast. We just had no idea how fast.
This is how fast a Bushfire in Australia moves …’ writes hoffster247 over on Reddit.
‘Sunny day to apocalypse in one single gif.’ _Diskreet_ ‘The fact that the police officer just kept it in reverse and just backed tf down the highway was a sign of what was about to go down.’ Mr_Hashtag ‘I was thinking maybe the road would slow it down. I was very wrong.’ TTHEST
These graphics really brings home the scale of the fires burning in Australia
Source Reddit u/hoffster247
.


thepoke--2020-02-04--This video showing the amazing level of detail in this painting is just extraordinary

First time you watch this you ’ ll be amazed by it , and then you ’ ll have to go back again ( and again ) to make sure it ’ s real .
It ’ s a video showing the level of detail in this painting and it ’ s just next level stuff .
‘ I kept expecting it to stop zooming out , but it didn ’ t. ’ SomeKrazyFool ‘ Back in school I used to put big M ’ s and little M ’ s in the sky to show depth using birds.
’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ talent and buddy paints something a camera could replicate ?
I don ’ t get it.. Then again , I can barely draw stick people.
’ furballhero ‘ Yeah , photorealism is definitely a show of superb skill , and I respect them for it , but it feels like there ’ s barely any creative input from the painter .
It doesn ’ t feel like “ art ” , but instead a showcase of skills .
It just feels to me that they ’ re basically human cameras.
’ Zephyr93 ‘ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ find a brush this small.
’ Daregmaze This amazing tiger sculpture made out of Tunnocks Teacake wrappers really takes the biscuit

Pics
First time you watch this you’ll be amazed by it, and then you’ll have to go back again (and again) to make sure it’s real.
It’s a video showing the level of detail in this painting and it’s just next level stuff.
Socks knocked off.
‘I kept expecting it to stop zooming out, but it didn’t.’ SomeKrazyFool ‘Back in school I used to put big M’s and little M’s in the sky to show depth using birds.’ chassisgator ‘Unpopular opinion: All that talent and buddy paints something a camera could replicate? I don’t get it.. Then again, I can barely draw stick people.’ furballhero ‘Yeah, photorealism is definitely a show of superb skill, and I respect them for it, but it feels like there’s barely any creative input from the painter. It doesn’t feel like “art”, but instead a showcase of skills. It just feels to me that they’re basically human cameras.’ Zephyr93 ‘I need to know where I can find a brush this small.’ Daregmaze ‘In your pants.’ plolops
READ MORE
This amazing tiger sculpture made out of Tunnocks Teacake wrappers really takes the biscuit
Source Reddit u/t-h-a-t-o-n-e-8-6


thepoke--2020-02-04--This chap’s medical exam moment in front of his dad was only cringey – very cringey – years later

Over on the invariably entertaining subReddit ‘ Today I Fucked Up ’ comes the tale of this chap ’ s @ @ @ @ @ front of his dad quite a few years ago .
It didn ’ t make @ @ @ @ @ but today is a rather different matter .
And just some of the very funny @ @ @ @ @ This is the best fucking “ where were you during 9/11 ?
” stories ever… @ @ @ @ @ like doctors who perform prostate exams are used to all the weird comments people say @ @ @ @ @ “ buy me dinner first ” ‘ squijward ‘ ” I ’ m not sure @ @ @ @ @ my dad or the doctor who was still conducting the test.
” Definitely your dad @ @ @ @ @ even close.
’ winespring This long and hilarious thread about an embarrassing medical examination has @ @ @

Popular
Over on the invariably entertaining subReddit ‘Today I Fucked Up’ comes the tale of this chap’s medical examination he had in front of his dad quite a few years ago.
It didn’t make him cringe at the time but today is a rather different matter.
And just some of the very funny comments it prompted.
‘This is the best fucking “where were you during 9/11?” stories ever…’ unsafechicken77 ‘I feel like doctors who perform prostate exams are used to all the weird comments people say. Like uncomfortable jokes like “buy me dinner first”‘ squijward ‘”I’m not sure who felt more uncomfortable, my dad or the doctor who was still conducting the test.”
Definitely your dad, it’s not even close.’ winespring
READ MORE
This long and hilarious thread about an embarrassing medical examination has an important message
Source Reddit u/Finger_in_mah_butt Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-04--People are sharing customers’ most outrageous demands and they’re funny and totally exasperating

If you ’ ve ever worked in a shop then you ’ ll know some of the ridiculous and outrageous @ @ @ @ @ make of you .
And people have been sharing some of the absolute worst on @ @ @ @ @ this .

Twitter
If you’ve ever worked in a shop then you’ll know some of the ridiculous and outrageous demands that customers can occasionally make of you.
And people have been sharing some of the absolute worst on Twitter after @isabelzawtun asked this.
What’s the most ridiculous demand a customer has made of you? I’ll go first: when I was working retail, a woman once demanded I pick her up from her Botox appointment with my car & bring her to the mall to shop — Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 31, 2020
I should add, she framed this like a GREAT opportunity for me bc she would shop with me and I would make great sales and was baffled when I said no (because I… no longer worked there) — Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 31, 2020
Here are 17 total shockers.
1.
At the very first serving job I ever had, a woman ordered a Diet Coke with "one ice cube in it, an inch on each side" and when I laughed, thinking she was joking, she just stared at me, waiting. https://t.co/5YHBbu0Kak — Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerBMD) January 31, 2020
2.
I used to work at an outdoor tennis court and a man would always call me to ask if it was raining. He lived five blocks away. Look out your friggen window Carl. — Amy (@amy_bugg) January 31, 2020
3.
Bagging a large grocery order I was told not to use too many bags, and also not to make them too heavy. Physics has laws, ma’am. — Elrond Cupboard (@davewal) February 1, 2020
4.
I had someone return a fully consumed Rotisserie Turkey. They said it was dry. So they wanted their money back. — Baby Stove (@mccanncreates) January 31, 2020
5.
A woman I had just finished bagging groceries for takes her cart and runs it straight into a wall of windows. Turns around and asks me “why isnt there a door here? Shouldn’t there be a door here?” — amanda jane (@AmandaJane314) February 1, 2020
6.
When I was a bartender we let a girl stay after close to look for her lost Fitbit. Finally like an hour later we’d tipped out and were closing the bar. She screamed at us that it was “illegal to close when someone has lost something on your property” and called the cops — Julie Doubleday (@juliedoubleday) January 31, 2020
7.
Not really a demand, but once a customer in a Italian restaurant I worked at complained that S.Pellegrino sparkling water’s bubbles were “too big” and he didn’t like it! 🤣 — Finn O’Sullivan (@Litter_Hero_Edi) January 31, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-02-04--This impression of every single wedding DJ you’ve ever heard is bang on

There are lots of different things you can choose to make your wedding that extra bit special and totally unique @ @ @ @ @ one .
But there ’ s one thing you can ’ t change .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ NiallGray over on Twitter suggests , have a habit of sounding absolutely identical to @ @ @ @ @ really does nail it .
And there ’ s more where this came from .

Videos
There are lots of different things you can choose to make your wedding that extra bit special and totally unique to you and your loved one.
But there’s one thing you can’t change. The wedding DJ, who as @NiallGray over on Twitter suggests, have a habit of sounding absolutely identical to each other.
And he really does nail it.
Why do all wedding DJs sound the same pic.twitter.com/27CKrakBDu — Niall Gray (@NiallGray) February 3, 2020
And there’s more where this came from.
Why was every school disco DJ like this pic.twitter.com/T8XIus5Czs — Niall Gray (@NiallGray) January 20, 2020
Lots more.
Every property show ever. pic.twitter.com/RrcggNJpEn — Niall Gray (@NiallGray) July 10, 2019
Follow @NiallGray on Twitter here.
Source Twitter @niallgray
Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-04--This man was sitting alone singing Living on a Prayer and the whole park joined in

Here ’ s a lovely watch , this guy sitting on his own on a park bench singing a bit @ @ @ @ @ Living on a Prayer to himself when some other people decided to join in .
@ @ @ @ @ people .
Everyone .
This guy singing along to Bon Jovi on the Tube went @ @ @ @ @ out it ’ s not his first time

Videos
Here’s a lovely watch, this guy sitting on his own on a park bench singing a bit of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer to himself when some other people decided to join in.
And not just some other people. Everyone.
A man was sitting alone, on a bench in a park, singing Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer by himself. By the end, the entire park joined along to sing with him. (🎥@Goodable) pic.twitter.com/sIqXHuFO2k — Muhammad Lila (@MuhammadLila) January 30, 2020
Beautiful!
This is so great. Humanity for the win. — Amy (@amkb12) January 30, 2020
People left that park a little happier and lighter after that, I know I did watching it, awesome — richard leard (@richardleard) January 31, 2020
When we all joined together, great things happen. — 💫Patsy💥Dryden ☘🌊🦋🙏🏻🌺 (@Patta47cake) February 2, 2020
READ MORE
This guy singing along to Bon Jovi on the Tube went wildly viral and it turned out it’s not his first time
Source Twitter @MuhammadLila


thepoke--2020-02-05--Someone had the perfect riposte for the man trying to hire them without pay

We ’ re not sure what job this person does , but we ’ re pretty sure it ’ ll be something with a creative or performative element , because they ’ re constantly asked to work for little or no money , in exchange for “ exposure ” or simply for the experience .
It ’ s definitely the same , Brian .
We particularly enjoyed these reactions .
Musicians have it rough .
What was that meme I saw , went something like “ A musician is a person who drives a $ 200 car with $ 2000 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a gig that pays $ 20 ” .
Reminds me of when I was asked to MC an event .
The morning of the event I was told they miscalculated their costings and couldn ’ t pay me and if I wanted to eat at the event I would need to buy a ticket at full cost .
“ We can ’ t pay you , but we can feed you !
” Show up to the venue and eat a gourmet dinner made up of a half empty bag of funyuns .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ who offer nothing for musicians , to take the gig and not show up .
When they complain , refund their money .
This Scottish way of dealing with a ‘ choosing beggar ’ is very satisfying indeed

Weird World
We’re not sure what job this person does, but we’re pretty sure it’ll be something with a creative or performative element, because they’re constantly asked to work for little or no money, in exchange for “exposure” or simply for the experience.
It’s definitely the same, Brian.
We particularly enjoyed these reactions.
pinky0926 Musicians have it rough. What was that meme I saw, went something like “A musician is a person who drives a $200 car with $2000 worth of equipment in the backseat to a gig that pays $20”.
87hunter Reminds me of when I was asked to MC an event. The morning of the event I was told they miscalculated their costings and couldn’t pay me and if I wanted to eat at the event I would need to buy a ticket at full cost.
Chingparr The life of a performer… “We can’t pay you, but we can feed you!” Show up to the venue and eat a gourmet dinner made up of a half empty bag of funyuns.
u/yearofawesome suggested a method for dealing with “for exposure” scroungers.
I’ve been saying for people who offer nothing for musicians, to take the gig and not show up. When they complain, refund their money.
READ MORE
This Scottish way of dealing with a ‘choosing beggar’ is very satisfying indeed
Source r/ChoosingBeggars Image r/ChoosingBeggars, @ugly_wolves on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-05--This video illustrating ‘differences in perceived speed’ is a fascinating insight into how our brain

This video illustrating ‘differences in perceived speed’ is a fascinating insight into how our brains work

We have to confess it took a little while to get our heads round this .
Actually , we still @ @ @ @ @ round this .
But this video of a view from a train driver ’ s @ @ @ @ @ of ‘ differences in perceived speed ’ and , well , have a watch for @ @ @ @ @ all relative , right ?
We think .
Now we see it .
We think @

Videos
We have to confess it took a little while to get our heads round this. Actually, we still might be getting our heads round this.
But this video of a view from a train driver’s cab is a fabulous illustration of ‘differences in perceived speed’ and, well, have a watch for yourself.
Differences in perceived speed pic.twitter.com/V42VxQDRZ3 — Akiyoshi Kitaoka (@AkiyoshiKitaoka) February 4, 2020
It’s all relative, right? We think.
Why? Because when one focuses on an inner portion of the movie, the optic flow angular speed is slow, and appears to fill one’s entitle visual field, which is consistent with overall lower forward speed. — Mark Changizi (@MarkChangizi) February 4, 2020
Note: The more zoomed, the more densely packed the overhead rigging appears. So, even though you appear to be moving forward more slowly when zoomed in, the actual rate of rigging flowing by remains constant, consistent with same forward speed in all conditions. — Mark Changizi (@MarkChangizi) February 4, 2020
Now we see it. We think.
If you want to emphasize speed, use a wide angle lens. Impressive example: https://t.co/otnyRCFWmo — entagma (@entagma) February 5, 2020
Great example of how longer lenses compress elements in a scene. https://t.co/6DzidRQHtI — Paul Conigliaro (@conigs) February 4, 2020
This is really cool. Focal lengths can sure make a difference. https://t.co/En7AIbFQN9 — Preston Kanak (@PrestonKanak) February 4, 2020
We’re with this person.
READ MORE
‘My attempt at a confusing perspective trick’ is brilliantly bamboozling
Source Twitter @AkiyoshiKitaoka


thepoke--2020-02-05--Al Pacino was on The One Show and he didn’t know what The One Show was

Al Pacino was on The One Show last night and lots of people couldn ’ t work out what the @ @ @ @ @ .
And it turned out they weren ’ t the only ones , with Pacino @ @ @ @ @ the rest of us .
We particularly enjoyed this moment , when presenter Alex Jones @ @ @ @ @ dreamed about being on the show the night before .
And this bit , when @ @ @ @ @ as Matt Baker was about to introduce a VT of his most memorable on-screen moments @ @ @ @ @ few of the comments his appearance prompted on Twitter .
Some people were especially straight-talking @ @ @ @ @ this … Reminded us of the time Mel Brooks was on there .

Videos
Al Pacino was on The One Show last night and lots of people couldn’t work out what the hell he was doing there.
And it turned out they weren’t the only ones, with Pacino occasionally looking as confused as the rest of us.
We particularly enjoyed this moment, when presenter Alex Jones asked if he’d dreamed about being on the show the night before.
And this bit, when he nearly walked out just as Matt Baker was about to introduce a VT of his most memorable on-screen moments.
Here are just a few of the comments his appearance prompted on Twitter.
Al Pacino being on The One Show and looking utterly blank when they mentioned "The One Show" is the most One Show thing that has ever happened — Tim Robey (@trim_obey) February 4, 2020
Seeing Al Pacino on The One Show is like seeing The Pope on Deal or No Deal.
It’s just wrong.
pic.twitter.com/U2VH6orhXO — Jonny Geller (@JonnyGeller) February 4, 2020
Al Pacino having dinner with his agent after the #OneShow pic.twitter.com/lCDpPaKKjK — RICK STUDLY (@STUD666999) February 4, 2020
Some people were especially straight-talking.
wtaf is a man like Al Pacino doing on a shit show like The One Show!!!!! pic.twitter.com/BYeKlZ0SoD — Sylvia ♡ (@77sylvia) February 4, 2020
And we also liked this …
so I arrived at radio, and the guys from The one show were holding the lifts for their guest, who wasn't there yet. these times im running late so weren't impressed. then actual AL PACINO appears Loool. Il take the stairs its fine — Grime Kids OUT NOW (@DJTarget) February 4, 2020
Reminded us of the time Mel Brooks was on there.
Mel Brooks was on The One Show and FINALLY said what everyone wants to say about being a guest on The One Show. pic.twitter.com/SjmEdNaVJT — Ryan Love (@RyanJL) September 27, 2017
Brilliant.
READ MORE
Al Pacino’s dodgy English accent will melt your ears
Source YouTube Image BBC


thepoke--2020-02-05--A card game turned soul-crushingly embarrassing when one player had to phone his mum

You really take your life in your hands when you let a friend hold your phone , but when that @ @ @ @ @ dare-type card game , a secret crush and speakerphone , it ’ s a recipe @ @ @ @ @ die inside as his mum shares his private thoughts with the whole room .
Here @ @ @ @ @ have been reacting to Keelan Healey ’ s excruciating clip .
One person had this @ @ @ @ @ James .
She ’ s still going to embarrass you , James .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
This mum thought she ’ d surprise her daughter at college but it didn @ @ @ @ @ plan

Videos
You really take your life in your hands when you let a friend hold your phone, but when that’s combined with a dare-type card game, a secret crush and speakerphone, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Watch James die inside as his mum shares his private thoughts with the whole room.
Here’s how TikTok users have been reacting to Keelan Healey’s excruciating clip.
One person had this little message of encouragement for James.
She’s still going to embarrass you, James. It’s in the job description.
READ MORE
This mum thought she’d surprise her daughter at college but it didn’t go entirely to plan
Source TikTok Image TikTok


thepoke--2020-02-05--The look on this girl’s face when her brother fart-bombs her video is priceless

At the risk of bringing down an avalanche of “ OK , boomer !
” comments , we admit to @ @ @ @ @ some vlogging trends , such as recording yourself playing a game , or emptying out @ @ @ @ @ to enjoy .
When one young girl was recording herself talking about make-up , there @ @ @ @ @ the soundtrack when her sleeping five-year-old brother let rip with an enormous fart .
We @ @ @ @ @ her parent , huh_thats_awkward for sharing it , as were these commenters .
This video @ @ @ @ @ a few years when she starts pleading her case for why she thinks she should @ @ @ @ @ Not a court in the land would find against her .
A congressman farted on @ @ @ @ @ butt of everyone ’ s jokes – these 11 are a gas

Videos
At the risk of bringing down an avalanche of “OK, boomer!” comments, we admit to being a little baffled by some vlogging trends, such as recording yourself playing a game, or emptying out your shopping for the viewers to enjoy.
When one young girl was recording herself talking about make-up, there was an unwelcome addition to the soundtrack when her sleeping five-year-old brother let rip with an enormous fart.
We’re very grateful to her parent, huh_thats_awkward for sharing it, as were these commenters.
SiidChawsby Dude. Holy shit. Can we nominate you for the yearly Reddit awards ceremony? I think you’ve got a good chance to win
antares07923 Holy shit OP, I’ve never seen a more perfect opportunity for a lifelong family nickname.
lalalane76 Good thing they dont have a Clapper installed. Itd be a light show
SchrodingersNutsack had a premonition:
This video will be Exhibit A in a few years when she starts pleading her case for why she thinks she should have her own room.
Not a court in the land would find against her.
READ MORE
A congressman farted on live TV and became the butt of everyone’s jokes – these 11 are a gas
Source Reddit Image Reddit


thepoke--2020-02-05--Someone gave a kippah to a cat and the comments were purrfectly cringeworthy

A Reddit user named Xavier2k9 asked people to decide whether it was an asshole move to put a kippah – a Jewish skull cap – on a cat .
Here ’ s the post , from the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit .
The beginning of this story happened over Hanukkah last year .
My boyfriend is half Jewish and we were at his family Hanukkah celebration having some wine and latkes and all in all having a great time .
Maybe we had a bit too much wine because when we got home and were drunkenly wrapping holiday gifts , I made @ @ @ @ @ @ @ paper and taped it to my cats head and asked him if he was also Jewish because he ’ s my boyfriend ’ s cat and my boyfriend is Jewish .
We had a little laugh at the whole thing but never took a photo and never really said anything to anyone , it was just our little joke of something funny we had done when we were drunk .
Flash forward to this past weekend .
I ’ m not sure how it came up but I mentioned the whole cat Yarmulke @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the party started telling me off .
She was saying how just because my boyfriend didn ’ t find that offensive that he doesn ’ t account for all Jewish people ’ s feelings .
I truly don ’ t believe that we were being disrespectful , we were simply making a joke that since our cat belonged to our boyfriend ’ s family before we took him in that he could be half Jewish potentially .
It wasn ’ t out of a place of disrespect , it was simply 2 drunk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with our cat .
AITA ?
Just so you know , Reddit decided that the poster was not an asshole , though it seems that taping anything to a cat ’ s head is questionable , at best .
Here ’ s the cat in question , stoically sporting something less controversial .
But it was the puntastic string of replies that really caught our attention , and we just had to share .
The cat nearly ruined this crazily elaborate stunt but ended up making it even better

Weird World
A Reddit user named Xavier2k9 asked people to decide whether it was an asshole move to put a kippah – a Jewish skull cap – on a cat.
Here’s the post, from the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit.
The beginning of this story happened over Hanukkah last year. My boyfriend is half Jewish and we were at his family Hanukkah celebration having some wine and latkes and all in all having a great time. Maybe we had a bit too much wine because when we got home and were drunkenly wrapping holiday gifts, I made a tiny little Yamaka Yarmulke out of wrapping paper and taped it to my cats head and asked him if he was also Jewish because he’s my boyfriend’s cat and my boyfriend is Jewish. We had a little laugh at the whole thing but never took a photo and never really said anything to anyone, it was just our little joke of something funny we had done when we were drunk. Flash forward to this past weekend. I’m not sure how it came up but I mentioned the whole cat Yamaka Yarmulke story and one of my friends at the party started telling me off. She was saying how just because my boyfriend didn’t find that offensive that he doesn’t account for all Jewish people’s feelings. I truly don’t believe that we were being disrespectful, we were simply making a joke that since our cat belonged to our boyfriend’s family before we took him in that he could be half Jewish potentially. It wasn’t out of a place of disrespect, it was simply 2 drunk people after a Hanukkah party fucking around with our cat. AITA?
Just so you know, Reddit decided that the poster was not an asshole, though it seems that taping anything to a cat’s head is questionable, at best.
Here’s the cat in question, stoically sporting something less controversial.
But it was the puntastic string of replies that really caught our attention, and we just had to share.
Prepare to cringe.
_I_said_good_day_sir Y T A. Forcing religion on animals should be considered abuse and is wrong. Let the cat choose its own religion. Maybe it’s a CATholic.
JDSchu For real. Let the cat be Meowslim if he wants to. Or a Purritan.
Allaboutbird Or a Pussbyterian
sweetwaterfall Guys, whatever the religion, he’s still culturally Mewish
BriarRose21 He could be a Mewnitarian Mewniversalist
mykologie Or agpawstic!
PleasureMePrivates Perhaps he identifies as a Rastafurryan.
BlameItOnTheTitans Maybe the cat is Hissidic…
taneeners maybe he worships Cathulu
Eventually, quitstalkingmeffs made this inarguable point.
I’m pretty certain all cats think of themself as god so that’s their religion…now bow to the cat
READ MORE
The cat nearly ruined this crazily elaborate stunt but ended up making it even better
Source Reddit Image Imgur, @joshuas on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-05--People shared the ridiculous demands made by customers – 21 mind-blowing examples

Customers and clients are the people who put the bread on everybody ’ s tables , so we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ that , but they can be – what ’ s the polite word ?
– @ @ @ @ @ , Pigeon Fancier , @ izabelzawtun , wondered what tales of nightmare customers people might @ @ @ @ @ the ball rolling with one of her own .
These were certainly ridiculous :

Twitter
Customers and clients are the people who put the bread on everybody’s tables, so we’re thankful for them and all that, but they can be – what’s the polite word? – trying.
Over on Twitter, Pigeon Fancier, @isabelzawtun, wondered what tales of nightmare customers people might have, and she set the ball rolling with one of her own.
What’s the most ridiculous demand a customer has made of you? I’ll go first: when I was working retail, a woman once demanded I pick her up from her Botox appointment with my car & bring her to the mall to shop — Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 31, 2020
These were certainly ridiculous:
1.
A woman cursed me out at my part-time job because I didn't wrap her crab legs in white paper.
"I don't want people seeing what I got you uneducated fool."
The next week I got to meet her & her son during parent-teacher night.
Having my butt kissed felt good😁 — T A Malone (@theauthormalone) January 31, 2020
2.
I had someone return a fully consumed Rotisserie Turkey. They said it was dry. So they wanted their money back. — Baby Stove (@mccanncreates) January 31, 2020
3.
I was working the main building desk at my college when an old woman called saying she'd left a potter kiln somewhere on the campus in 1967 and she'd like it back now please https://t.co/T1cX0OjaU7 — Andrew Shvarts (@Shvartacus) January 31, 2020
4.
At the very first serving job I ever had, a woman ordered a Diet Coke with "one ice cube in it, an inch on each side" and when I laughed, thinking she was joking, she just stared at me, waiting. https://t.co/5YHBbu0Kak — Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerBMD) January 31, 2020
5.
the woman who showed up to Hollywood Video in the summer of 2002 and demanded I rent her a copy of Spider-Man, which was in theaters at the time https://t.co/1di2bO6cpM — bill bria (@billbria) January 31, 2020
6.
When I was in my early 20s a woman found a manager and demanded I be fired for not helping her get sizes from the back. I did not work there. I was buying socks. https://t.co/VKemdv9bkD — Novel deVice (@noveldevice) February 2, 2020
7.
I worked at a restaurant and bar when a lady ordered a sparkling wine. I brought it to her in a generic wine glass. She refused to drink it because it wasn’t in a champagne flute. Lord help me if I told her that not all sparkling wine is champagne. — Boey Goey (@sbicyboi) January 31, 2020
8.
I was a restaurant manager and a guy came in and said he deserved a free pie because he had bought a pie from another restaurant (not mine, not even same chain) and it had "a piece of plastic" in it. I said 'what' and he gave me a list of the only flavors that he would accept — Mayor P and 11 others retweeted 3 of your tweets. (@punmagnate) January 31, 2020
9.
I worked at Wal*Mart jewelry. Someone plops their HUMAN BABY onto the table and goes "I need to make a return" ⁉ "The earrings are defective" They spin the baby and THE BABY'S EARS HAVE GROWN AROUND THE EARRINGS. I just screamed "OH MY GOD GO TO A DOCTOR WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" https://t.co/I2jLYmiShL — Kikidoodle & Purrmaids (@KikiDoodleTweet) February 2, 2020
10.
worked at a pizza place. customer asked if we had sun-dried tomatoes. I said we didn't. she asked if I would leave some tomatoes (from the salad bar) in a paper cup outside for a few hours to dry in the sun, then put that on a pizza. I told her that I would not. https://t.co/yAiknI7QAo — Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) February 2, 2020
11.


thepoke--2020-02-05--Joe Heenan’s pictures of Piers Morgan as types of meat might turn us all veggie

We thought we ’ d seen enough threads of people as things , but we also thought that until we @ @ @ @ @ Street and Chris Hemsworth as hammers , so what do we know ?
As soon @ @ @ @ @ ’ s images of Piers Morgan as different kinds of meat , we knew people @ @ @ @ @ .
We ’ d love to have seen him as Quorn sausages , just for @ @ @ @ @ Joe ’ s list wasn ’ t merely entertaining ; it was also inspirational .
@ @ @ @ @ was very relatable .
Piers Morgan – making new vegetarians one meaty photo at a @ @ @ @ @ got a Boris Johnson story but comedian Joe Heenan ’ s got the best one

Pics
We thought we’d seen enough threads of people as things, but we also thought that until we spotted Kate Bush as Quality Street and Chris Hemsworth as hammers, so what do we know?
As soon as we saw Joe Heenan’s images of Piers Morgan as different kinds of meat, we knew people would love its gammony goodness.
1.
Piers Morgan as meat.
A thread pic.twitter.com/2DtVigH1V1 — joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 4, 2020
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
We’d love to have seen him as Quorn sausages, just for the inevitable week-long rant.
Joe’s list wasn’t merely entertaining; it was also inspirational.
My submission is Canned rancid slime and a chicken in a can pic.twitter.com/g34cUZ8lKy — Lee Malcolmson (@leemalcolmson) February 4, 2020
This reaction from Barry Hurford was very relatable.
Thanks. This was the final push I needed toward vegetarianism. — Barry Hurford (@BarryHurford) February 4, 2020
Piers Morgan – making new vegetarians one meaty photo at a time.
READ MORE
Everyone’s got a Boris Johnson story but comedian Joe Heenan’s got the best one
Source Joe Heenan Image Joe Heenan


thepoke--2020-02-05--7 favourite things people said about Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher in The Crown

The first picture has emerged of Gillian Anderson playing Margaret Thatcher in the new series of The Crown in Netflix @ @ @ @ @ to say it got lots of people talking .
Here ’ s what Digital Spy @ @ @ @ @ .
And it prompted a whole bunch of very funny comments which can be divided @ @ @ @ @ there were comments like these .
And then there were these .

Pics
The first picture has emerged of Gillian Anderson playing Margaret Thatcher in the new series of The Crown on Netflix and it’s fair to say it got lots of people talking.
Here’s what Digital Spy had to say about it.
The Crown's Gillian Anderson looks eerily like Margaret Thatcher in new season 4 set photos:https://t.co/JmORP2xFsN#TheCrown | #TheCrownNetflix pic.twitter.com/YI7pbSLynq — Digital Spy (@digitalspy) February 4, 2020
And it prompted a whole bunch of very funny comments which can be divided into two camps.
First there were comments like these.
"Looks eerily like" I believe that is yes broadly the idea https://t.co/iFRUMY1Lgj — Andy Silvester (@silvesterldn) February 4, 2020
It’s amazing what they can do with make-up specifically designed to make you look like Margaret Thatcher. https://t.co/2Nbsn73OwK — Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) February 4, 2020
And then there were comments like these.
I’m guessing this photo will make a lot of people feel very conflicted. https://t.co/dDKH46ZE5s — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) February 4, 2020
a dark day for my horny left wing friends; we're all here for you in this time of need https://t.co/xZr6VSt2PA — Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) February 4, 2020
therapist: hot thatcher can't hurt you hot thatcher: https://t.co/ikA2t4AfNT — Ben Smoke (@bencsmoke) February 4, 2020
To conclude …
Have just seen a lengthy twitter debate about people could still crank one out to Gillian Anderson whilst she plays Margaret Thatcher. Roughly even split between the No group (quitters) and the people who reckon they can power on through, will let you know more as it develops. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 4, 2020
The fact that none of them have thus far used the phrase "I'd let her snatch my milk" is a damning indictment of our levels of political education. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 4, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 24 times Gillian Anderson won at Twitter
Source Twitter @digitalspy


thepoke--2020-02-05--‘Gotta get them all confused from an early age’

‘ Got ta get them all confused from an early age , ’ writes drak0bsidian over on Reddit .
And @ @ @ @ @ people said about it .
‘ This book is great for twins – if you @ @ @ @ @ , the other twin gets the same information at the same time.
’ Dedj_McDedjson ‘ @ @ @ @ @ physics joke I ’ m too stupid to get ?
’ captsquanch ‘ That ’ @ @ @ @ @ who is trying to download too much on to a very small hard drive.
’ @ @ @ @ @ this book because an alarming number of grown ups seem to think quantum entanglement could @ @ @ @ @ .
It can not .
Information does not travel faster than light under any circumstances @ @ @ @ @ JitGoinHam This guy creates outrageous books and then reads them in public

Pics
‘Gotta get them all confused from an early age,’ writes drak0bsidian over on Reddit.
And here are our favourite things people said about it.
‘This book is great for twins – if you read it to one twin, the other twin gets the same information at the same time.’ Dedj_McDedjson
‘Is this some sort of physics joke I’m too stupid to get?’ captsquanch
‘That’s the face of someone who is trying to download too much on to a very small hard drive.’ FestivePlague
‘More kids need this book because an alarming number of grown ups seem to think quantum entanglement could be leveraged for super-luminal communication. It cannot. Information does not travel faster than light under any circumstances, including spooky action.’ JitGoinHam
Precisely.
READ MORE
This guy creates outrageous books and then reads them in public
Source Reddit u/drak0bsidian


thepoke--2020-02-05--Michael Spicer hilariously imagines the scene in the room next door to Priti Patel

Home Secretary Priti Patel has been something of a dream for satirists , while being a nightmare for interviewers , @ @ @ @ @ give a straight answer to any question .
Comedian Michael Spicer , currently preparing for @ @ @ @ @ , has absolutely spoilt us once again by interpreting Priti Patel ’ s latest car @ @ @ @ @ the point of view of the room next door .
Twitter was equally baffled by @ @ @ @ @ the hilarious treatment of her awkward error .
Historian Simon Schama pointed out those who @ @ @ @ @ the government ’ s package of measures .
We very much hope that Michael keeps @ @ @ @ @ we ’ re certain the politicians will keep making these gaffes .
Priti Patel pledged @ @ @ @ @ counter-terrorist offenders ’ and people are confused President Trump talks about windmills – with “ @ @ @ @ @ next door

Videos
Home Secretary Priti Patel has been something of a dream for satirists, while being a nightmare for interviewers, as she stubbornly refuses to give a straight answer to any question.
Comedian Michael Spicer, currently preparing for his first ever live show, has absolutely spoilt us once again by interpreting Priti Patel’s latest car crash of an interview from the point of view of the room next door.
the room next door – Priti Patel pic.twitter.com/kwgEdJKGLr — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) February 4, 2020
“Counter-terrorism offenders is not a thing, okay? That’s like saying “anti-foxhunting fox hunters”, or “decency advocate, Priti Patel”
Twitter was equally baffled by Patel and thrilled to see the hilarious treatment of her awkward error.
Is there any possibility that someone could explain to the British Home Secretary the difference between terrorism and counter-terrorism? It might help if she recognised which ones are the bad ones and which aren't. https://t.co/GBZBP9Ubz4 — Gavin Esler (@gavinesler) February 4, 2020
Our Home Secretary. With, yknow, a bit of commentary. https://t.co/SQnVp0nAyQ — Jay Rayner (@jayrayner1) February 4, 2020
Historian Simon Schama pointed out those who ought to be worried about the government’s package of measures.
wonderful – " counter- terrorism offenders " include MI5, police etc etc – she'll certainly be a rod across their backs! — Simon Schama (@simon_schama) February 4, 2020
We very much hope that Michael keeps writing these sketches, because we’re certain the politicians will keep making these gaffes.
READ MORE
Priti Patel pledged to crack down on ‘counter-terrorist offenders’ and people are confused
President Trump talks about windmills – with “help” from the room next door
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-02-05--A Restaurant Guide For How You Want Your Steak Cooked

This chef ’ s not mincing their words .
But not everyone was buying it on Reddit ( the steak @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ Ive worked in kitchens and can confirm this is a stigma around almost @ @ @ @ @ it pretty weird considering you can cook a well done steak ( well done being @ @ @ @ @ ) that isn ’ t cardboard consistency..
It ’ s actually a representation of the @ @ @ @ @ steak effectively or atleast willingness too in my opinion.
’ altigoGreen ‘ Wow , what @ @ @ @ @ like the part at the end where it makes fun of people for ordering steak @ @ @ @ @ , how stupid do you have to be to walk into a restaurant an order @ @ @ @ @ ’ DestructiveLemon

This chef’s not mincing their words.
But not everyone was buying it on Reddit (the steak – or anything else).
‘Ive worked in kitchens and can confirm this is a stigma around almost anywhere. I personally find it pretty weird considering you can cook a well done steak (well done being a temperature of the meat) that isn’t cardboard consistency..
It’s actually a representation of the chefs inability to cook the steak effectively or atleast willingness too in my opinion.’ altigoGreen
‘Wow, what a cool guide! I like the part at the end where it makes fun of people for ordering steak well done. I mean, how stupid do you have to be to walk into a restaurant an order something to your own preference.’ DestructiveLemon


thepoke--2020-02-05--This’ man watch is so valuable he’s literally knocked off his feet in this viral Antiques Roadshow m

This’ man watch is so valuable he’s literally knocked off his feet in this viral Antiques Roadshow moment

The best bit on Antiques Roadshow is always the big reveal where the expert reveals exactly how much they reckon @ @ @ @ @ worth .
But not many big reveals are as dramatic as this , a US @ @ @ @ @ Oyster Cosmograph watch , which he bought for $ 345.97 in 1974 , is worth @ @ @ @ @ .
Quite a bit more .
The ‘ Oyster ’ bit means it could be @ @ @ @ @ at auction , according to the expert on the American version of the show .
@ @ @ @ @ tumble .
And it got even better .
Because he kept it in such a @ @ @ @ @ might be as high as $ 700,000 .
( He didn ’ t fall over @ @ @ @ @ watch the whole six-minute clip here .

Videos
The best bit on Antiques Roadshow is always the big reveal where the expert reveals exactly how much they reckon the beloved family antique is worth.
But not many big reveals are as dramatic as this, a US Air Force veteran whose Rolex Oyster Cosmograph watch, which he bought for $345.97 in 1974, is worth a bit more these days. Quite a bit more.
The ‘Oyster’ bit means it could be worth up to $400,000 at auction, according to the expert on the American version of the show. No wonder he took a tumble.
And it got even better. Because he kept it in such a pristine condition, its value might be as high as $700,000. (He didn’t fall over again).
‘Sniper got him.’ ganymede_boy
You can watch the whole six-minute clip here.
He’s one lucky dude.
Source YouTube H/T Reddit u/AllCapsOverreaction


thepoke--2020-02-05--The only 5 takedowns you need of the man who called out an MP for baring her shoulder

Everybody ’ s heard the jokes about turning back the clock by 47 years when Brexit happens , largely because everybody ’ s made those jokes , but we were still surprised to see the evidence this week .
When the Labour MP for Batley and Spen , Tracy Brabin , appeared in the House of Commons wearing an off-the-shoulder garment of some sort , she was pulled up on it by Twitter user , Lawrence Dovey .
His tweet became a focus for the Can ’ t Mind My Own Business Society , or as it ’ s also @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people agreed with Mr Dovey .
But many more felt he ’ d overstepped the mark by a considerable margin , and we very much enjoyed these responses .
Ever the parliamentary hopeful , Count Binface had a different take on what is and isn ’ t appropriate .
While @ GaryInScotland reminded everyone of other standards of behaviour .
Tracy Brabin , however , did what any good parliamentarian would do , and addressed a number of issues with one succinct rebuttal .
Surprisingly , for Twitter at least , Tracy got @ @ @

Twitter
Everybody’s heard the jokes about turning back the clock by 47 years when Brexit happens, largely because everybody’s made those jokes, but we were still surprised to see the evidence this week.
When the Labour MP for Batley and Spen, Tracy Brabin, appeared in the House of Commons wearing an off-the-shoulder garment of some sort, she was pulled up on it by Twitter user, Lawrence Dovey.
His tweet became a focus for the Can’t Mind My Own Business Society, or as it’s also known – Twitter. A lot of people agreed with Mr Dovey.
Tracy was a "featured" actress in Coronation Street before she became a "politician" Her 1st win was due to no major party standing against her in Jo Cox's seat. In 2019 with a 12.8 drop in votes. Once a TV actress always a TV actress, fur coat no knickers no style no taste/class — GotBrexit (@GotBrexit) February 4, 2020
Trying to work out if @TracyBrabin is on her way out or on her way back from clubbing! How have parliamentary standards fallen so low? — Deneice Florence-Jukes (@FlorenceJukes) February 3, 2020
She looks like, she's been drag through the hedge and back.
She could have come straight from a social BOLSHEVIKS party. — [email protected] (@jr007007jr) February 4, 2020
But many more felt he’d overstepped the mark by a considerable margin, and we very much enjoyed these responses.
1.
The replies on this! Seems that the ‘if you don’t want western freedom to dress how you like, GO HOME’ types and the ‘OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN A WOMAN’S SHOULDER BEFORE, I’M FREAKING OUT’ types are one and the same. https://t.co/Xg27BbR6eB — Shappi Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) February 4, 2020
2.
Jeezo! Crikey! It’s the 1950s ladies! Know your place! Pop on your wimples quick! The ladies attire police are coming!!!! *Only read the replies ladies if you need a good swear and are about to go for a run. Or have some old plates you don’t mind breaking and a suitable wall. https://t.co/qEaw2cgmcx — Emma Fielding🕷 (@emmagafielding) February 4, 2020
3.
She ain't naked bro, it ain't babestation chill my dude lol https://t.co/Cjxno9Z23G — AndysDiaryy🏆 (@AndysDiaryy) February 4, 2020
4.
So you people don't want women to wear hijabs, but you also don't want them to wear off-the-shoulder tops. You don't want them to cover up… but you also want them to cover up…? Hating just for the sake of hating is the reason you lot age like sour milk. https://t.co/8AaNNYKF0b — nicki’s scrapped fetus (@faegonometry) February 4, 2020
5.
Actual ethical standards of the people who represent us is far far more important than the clothes they wear? https://t.co/2niT9fteb8 — CriticalCripple – Dave 🏳🌈 (@CriticalCripple) February 4, 2020
Ever the parliamentary hopeful, Count Binface had a different take on what is and isn’t appropriate.
You ain’t seen nothing yet, mate. https://t.co/90BvNExsGZ — Count Binface (@CountBinface) February 4, 2020
While @GaryInScotland reminded everyone of other standards of behaviour.
Is this really appropriate behaviour for parliament? pic.twitter.com/ugxvDKQecf — Gary Cummins (@GaryinScotland) February 4, 2020
Tracy Brabin, however, did what any good parliamentarian would do, and addressed a number of issues with one succinct rebuttal.
Hello. Sorry I don’t have time to reply to all of you commenting on this but I can confirm I’m not….
A slag
Hungover
A tart
About to breastfeed
A slapper
Drunk
Just been banged over a wheelie bin. Who knew people could get so emotional over a shoulder… 🙄 https://t.co/sTWWiEY2TF — Tracy Brabin MP 🌹 (@TracyBrabin) February 4, 2020
Surprisingly, for Twitter at least, Tracy got an apology.
I asked a simple question, I haven't tweeted anything offensive, but both myself & @TracyBrabin have been subjected to vile comments. Tracy, I'm sorry you've received abuse, it was not my intention. I was just a bit shocked when I saw what you were wearing in Parliament. Sorry — Lawrence Dovey (@LawrenceDovey) February 4, 2020
Sort of.
READ MORE
Boris Johnson’s divisive parliamentary language reached a new low – 11 outraged reactions
Source Lawrence Dovey Image Lawrence Dovey, @shanerounce on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-04--Someone called out this fake anti-abortion post and it’s magical

‘ There was an attempt … to prove abortion is murder , ’ writes victor_133 over on Reddit .
And @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ Seems like satire , ’ said DubFactory on Reddit .
‘ Seems like @ @ @ @ @ for and reposted while believing in it , ’ reckoned the_ocalhoun .
‘ I ’ @ @ @ @ @ meme began its life as satire .
And I ’ m also 100 % sure @ @ @ @ @ True ChristiansTM out there spreading it right now as absolute truth and blocking anybody who @ @ @ @ @ delivers an epic takedown to men ‘ grandstanding ’ about abortion rights

Pics
‘There was an attempt … to prove abortion is murder,’ writes victor_133 over on Reddit.
And the takedown was simply magical.
‘Seems like satire,’ said DubFactory on Reddit. ‘Seems like satire that someone then fell for and reposted while believing in it,’ reckoned the_ocalhoun. ‘I’m 100% sure this meme began its life as satire. And I’m also 100% sure that there’s some True ChristiansTM out there spreading it right now as absolute truth and blocking anybody who points out otherwise.’
READ MORE
Mum delivers an epic takedown to men ‘grandstanding’ about abortion rights
Source Reddit u/victor_133


thepoke--2020-02-05--This crime victim received little sympathy from their WhatsApp group and it’s a very funny read

The fabulous Sir Michael – @ Michael1979 on Twitter – is back , this time the unfortunate victim of a @ @ @ @ @ group he went to the trouble of setting up had very little sympathy indeed .
@ @ @ @ @ read ( and don ’ t forget to follow @ michael1979 when you finish it @ @ @ @ @ now !
Or , if you prefer , you can find him on Instagram here @ @ @ @ @ started a ‘ free gym ’ and this exchange is more satisfying than any exercise

Popular
The fabulous Sir Michael – @Michael1979 on Twitter – is back, this time the unfortunate victim of a crime for which the WhatsApp group he went to the trouble of setting up had very little sympathy indeed.
It’s a brilliant read (and don’t forget to follow @michael1979 when you finish it).
‘Was the victim of crime today but I received very little sympathy from the members of this group chat I found on Facebook,’ said @Michael1979.
Some people.
Did they steal the batteries from the remote before they hid it? — Ryan Cordell (@ryandcordell) February 4, 2020
No but I’m worried they may have replaced them with batteries that are slightly more used — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 4, 2020
This is uncanny. Someone – presumably the same organisation – did exactly that with my remote control last May. An organised gang is at work. Sorry to hear you have such unhelpful neighbours. Have you reported their obstructiveness to the police? — Bunstance Bunnidge (@BunstanceB) February 4, 2020
The police weren’t interested at all. Am worried they may be in cahoots with the thief — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 4, 2020
Did you ever find the perpetrator? Have you considered that he’s still in your house? Possibly down the back of your sofa just waiting for you to go to bed so he can rearrange your cushions. — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) February 4, 2020
Okay, well now I’m not going to sleep tonight. This is exactly like the time that man targeted those kids in the documentary I Know What You Did Last Summer. Except worse because I don’t deserve it. — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) February 4, 2020
Follow @Michael1979 now! Or, if you prefer, you can find him on Instagram here or Facebook here.
We’re with this person.
Artists use all kinds of media. @Michael1979 is the Picasso of group chats. https://t.co/tgmVpgCLTm — Aaron Miller (@aaronmiller) February 5, 2020
READ MORE
Someone started a ‘free gym’ and this exchange is more satisfying than any exercise
Source Twitter @Michael1979


thepoke--2020-02-05--Daily Express reader’s letter of the week

The latest in an occasional series , winner of Daily Express reader ’ s letter of the week goes to @ @ @ @ @ in Gwent , as highlighted by Steve Anglesey on Twitter .
And despite what some @ @ @ @ @ must be from Private Eye or maybe Viz , it really is from the Express @ @ @ @ @ .
This Daily Express reader ’ s response to Greta Thunberg will have you facepalming @ @ @

Popular
The latest in an occasional series, winner of Daily Express reader’s letter of the week goes to this chap from Ebbw Vale in Gwent, as highlighted by Steve Anglesey on Twitter.
And despite what some people thought, that it must be from Private Eye or maybe Viz, it really is from the Express. We checked and everything.
I’d like to see the more recent statistics which presumably showed that some hanged criminals did sadly go on to reoffend. https://t.co/oYphO9X5gV — Tim Walker (@ThatTimWalker) February 5, 2020
READ MORE
This Daily Express reader’s response to Greta Thunberg will have you facepalming into next week
Source Twitter @sanglesey


thepoke--2020-02-05--Simply 13 hilariously bad design fails that will have you facepalming into next week

Someone came up with these designs , someone approved them , and someone made them .
In a few cases @ @ @ @ @ bought them .
And you ’ ll be wondering , with each of these 13 @ @ @ @ @ how it ever got that far .
They are our favourites from 40 chosen by @ @ @ @ @ Panda from the ‘ crappy design ’ subReddit .
2 .
‘ School health clinic @ @ @ @ @ ’ 3 .
“ Exactly how unexpected can it hope to be ?
’ 8 @ @ @ @ @ figure out what this sign means for the past 5 years ’ 11 .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ ’ 13 .
‘ View from outside the front door ’

Pics
Someone came up with these designs, someone approved them, and someone made them. In a few cases, some poor soul even bought them. And you’ll be wondering, with each of these 13 hilariously bad design fails, how it ever got that far.
They are our favourites from 40 chosen by the good people of Bored Panda from the ‘crappy design’ subReddit.
1. ‘It’s only bloody penis pasta’
(via)
2. ‘School health clinic may need some emoji education’
(via)
3. “Exactly how unexpected can it hope to be?’
(via)
4. ‘That’s how I broke my leg’
(via)
5. ‘You’re okay, thanks’
(via)
6. ‘Actually won a competition’
(via)
7. ‘At the local gym’
(via)
8. ‘Been trying to figure out what this sign means for the past 5 years’
(via)
9. ‘Comes wrapped in plastic, obviously’
(via)
10. ‘What, ALL of them?’
(via)
11. ‘Easier to take the stairs’
(via)
12. ‘Those shorts!’
(via)
13. ‘View from outside the front door’
(via)
READ MORE
18 really awkward children’s playground design fails
Source Bored Panda


thepoke--2020-02-05--Simply 9 funny things people said about Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher in The Crown

The first picture has emerged of Gillian Anderson playing Margaret Thatcher in the new series of The Crown on Netflix @ @ @ @ @ to say it got lots of people talking .
Here ’ s what Digital Spy @ @ @ @ @ .
And it prompted a whole bunch of very funny comments which can be divided @ @ @ @ @ there were comments like these .
And then there were comments like these .


thepoke--2020-02-05--This man’s watch is so valuable he’s literally knocked off his feet in this viral Antiques Roadshow

This man’s watch is so valuable he’s literally knocked off his feet in this viral Antiques Roadshow moment


thepoke--2020-02-06--This woman’s response to the gym guy surely speaks for us all

It ’ s that time of the year when all our good intentions we had just a month ago tend @ @ @ @ @ window .
This woman is no exception and it ’ s oh so relatable .
@ @ @ @ @ … to get this lady to sign up to the gym , ’ writes Redditor @ @ @ @ @ ‘ free gym ’ and this exchange is more satisfying than any exercise

Pics
This text message exchange is oh so relatable.
‘There was an attempt … to get this lady to sign up to the gym,’ writes Redditor HeadbangerNeckInjury.
READ MORE
Someone started a ‘free gym’ and this exchange is more satisfying than any exercise
Source Reddit u/HeadbangerNeckInjury


thepoke--2020-02-06--This bartender wasn’t taking any nonsense from the woman who stole a bottle of grenadine

This bartender wasn ’ t taking any nonsense from the woman who stole a bottle of grenadine and as takedowns @ @ @ @ @ 100 % proof .
‘ Someone is going to have a very disturbing poop in @ @ @ @ @ of the week ( not this one , another one )

Popular
This bartender wasn’t taking any nonsense from the woman who stole a bottle of grenadine and as takedowns go, it’s 100% proof.
‘Someone is going to have a very disturbing poop in the morning.’ tent_tickles
READ MORE
Takedown of the week (not this one, another one)
Source Reddit u/LilDSandwich


thepoke--2020-02-06--The mounting fury of this guy demanding nude photos makes this a very satisfying read

There are lots of ways of dealing with people who are harassing you on the internet .
And this way @ @ @ @ @ Reddit , is a bit more time consuming than simply blocking someone .
But it @ @ @ @ @ entertaining .
Could have gone on forever .
‘ Just take a moment to really @ @ @ @ @ energy consumption as his brain desperately tries to comprehend what the fuck is going on @ @ @ @ @ of these messages back .
Like , really picture it , because it is just @ @ @ @ @ soup for the soul.
’ Little_Orange_Dress Jameela Jamil has the perfect response to men who @ @ @ @ @ ( but not everyone appreciated it )

Popular
There are lots of ways of dealing with people who are harassing you on the internet. And this way, shared by dfstock on Reddit, is a bit more time consuming than simply blocking someone. But it is also a lot more entertaining.
Could have gone on forever.
‘I guess that was a no.’ dfstock ‘That’s fucking great! He proclaimed loudly.’ enigmaticevil ‘Just take a moment to really appreciate the huge spike in energy consumption as his brain desperately tries to comprehend what the fuck is going on every time he gets one of these messages back. Like, really picture it, because it is just so satisfying, real chicken soup for the soul.’ Little_Orange_Dress ‘Perfection.’ mike_KING6
READ MORE
Jameela Jamil has the perfect response to men who ask her for nude pics (but not everyone appreciated it)
Source Reddit u/dfstock


thepoke--2020-02-06--‘I guess the cat factory ran out of ink’

This dad got a tattoo of his baby son 's scar so he wo n't be alone with it when @ @ @

Pics
‘I guess the cat factory ran out of ink,’ says AWU_Hades over on Reddit.
It’s a – Google, Google – Calico cat, apparently.
‘I picture a calico cat out there running around with an all white tail.’ 4-me ‘Note: this cat was printed butt first.’ Wizart-
READ MORE
Why you should never start a fight with a cat
Source Reddit u/AWU_Hades


thepoke--2020-02-06--This dad got a tattoo of his baby son’s scar so he won’t be alone with it when he grows up

This dad got a tattoo of the scar left by surgery on his baby son so that they ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ when he grows up .
‘ Dad is gon na be a bro for life @ @ @ @ @ on Reddit .
And it rapidly went viral and prompted lots and lots of comments @ @ @ @ @ scar .
It really has been a conversation piece .
I had surgery at a @ @ @ @ @ vainsandsmiling ‘ Bruh my son is 2 and this just about destroyed me at work @ @ @ @ @ similar a few years ago and just thinking “ aw man that ’ s nice @ @ @ @ @ m just like holy fuck I can ’ t handle it.
’ SomebodyHelpMePles ‘ Flash @ @ @ @ @ son has a tiny barely visible scar .
Still cool.
’ Strummer95 This dad takes @ @ @ @ @ advanced ” baby

Pics
This dad got a tattoo of the scar left by surgery on his baby son so that they’ll both have the same thing when he grows up.
‘Dad is gonna be a bro for life,’ writes eternalrefuge86 over on Reddit.
And it rapidly went viral and prompted lots and lots of comments.
‘I have that scar. It really has been a conversation piece. I had surgery at a month and 3 months.’ vainsandsmiling ‘Bruh my son is 2 and this just about destroyed me at work. I remember seeing something similar a few years ago and just thinking “aw man that’s nice”. Now I’m just like holy fuck I can’t handle it.’ SomebodyHelpMePles ‘Flash to the future when his son has a tiny barely visible scar. Still cool.’ Strummer95
READ MORE
This dad takes hilarious pictures of his “advanced” baby
Source Reddit u/eternalrefuge86


thepoke--2020-02-06--This Republican’s condemnation of Nancy Pelosi was a glorious self-own

You ’ ll probably have seen the moment House speaker Nancy Pelosi showed her disdain for Donald Trump by ripping @ @ @ @ @ state of the union address after he refused to shake her hand .
Well former @ @ @ @ @ presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich , wasn ’ t impressed with her behaviour and naturally took @ @ @ @ @ .
And we ’ re glad he did because this comeback was 10/10 .
And @ @ @ @ @ did .
“ There are things in my own life that I have gotten on @ @ @ @ @ God and prayed about , ” Gingrich said in a radio interview back in the @ @ @ @ @ ask God to delete that tweet .

Twitter
You’ll probably have seen the moment House speaker Nancy Pelosi showed her disdain for Donald Trump by ripping up her copy of his state of the union address after he refused to shake her hand.
Well former House speaker, one-time Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, wasn’t impressed with her behaviour and naturally took to Twitter to say so.
And we’re glad he did because this comeback – about his own behaviour when he was in the job – was 10/10.
Just in case you don’t remember, here’s what Gingrich said about that time in his life.
“There are things in my own life that I have gotten on my knees and turned to God and prayed about,” Gingrich said in a radio interview back in the day.
Maybe he can ask God to delete that tweet.
‘Anytime Newt sticks his head up out from under his rock, the fact that he cheated on his dying wife while lambasting Clinton for cheating on his (Clinton’s) wife, should be tossed right in his face.’ AuthorityAnarchyYes ‘Congrats – you played yourself.’ salawm
Source Reddit u/salawm


thepoke--2020-02-06--Stupid Criminals of the Week Award

Stupid Criminals of the Week Award

A couple of guys got pulled over by the Florida State Troopers for speeding , and it soon became obvious @ @ @ @ @ wanted to get arrested , because they were carrying this : Funny joke , right @ @ @ @ @ a pencil case ?
A make-up bag ?
No .
It was a bag full @ @ @ @ @ USA Today , one of the men was on bail , and was charged with @ @ @ @ @ along with drug trafficking and possession .
This is what people have been saying about @ @ @ @ @ best not to traffic them at all , to be fair .

Weird World
A couple of guys got pulled over by the Florida State Troopers for speeding, and it soon became obvious that they just really really wanted to get arrested, because they were carrying this:
Funny joke, right? What was it – a pencil case? A make-up bag? No. It was a bag full of drugs.
According to USA Today, one of the men was on bail, and was charged with violation of his conditions, along with drug trafficking and possession.
This is what people have been saying about the prize idiots.
The old "hide in plain sight" ploy not paying off. https://t.co/H7gJwLLP7D — Keith Mitchell (@keith_wgrr) February 4, 2020
DONT LOOK IN HERE seems like a better label. — Roggae (@Roggae1974) February 5, 2020
The Florida Police Department issued this advice …
“Note to self-do not traffic your illegal narcotics in bags labeled ‘Bag Full Of Drugs.’ Our K-9’s can read.”
Probably best not to traffic them at all, to be fair.
Source USA Today Image USA Today, @bill_oxford on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-06--The look on the face of this dog being treated by the vet is the most adorable thing you’ll watch th

The look on the face of this dog being treated by the vet is the most adorable thing you’ll watch this week

In today ’ s episode of things that make you go ‘ awwww ’ comes this video of a dog @ @ @ @ @ and the look on its face will melt your heart .
‘ My face to @ @ @ @ @ ’ honestgoing ‘ I want someone to look at me like that good dog looks @ @ @ @ @ ’ 10 reasons your dog ’ s haircut costs more than yours ’ is very @ @ @ @ @

Videos
In today’s episode of things that make you go ‘awwww’ comes this video of a dog being treated by a vet and the look on its face will melt your heart.
Awww!
‘My face to avoid looking at needles lol.’ honestgoing ‘Yeah, I couldn’t watch that part :/’ mac_is_crack ‘Doggo didn’t even flinch!!’ shahooster ‘I want someone to look at me like that good dog looks at the vet.’ Im_Vini
READ MORE
’10 reasons your dog’s haircut costs more than yours’ is very funny (and informative)
Source Reddit u/mac_is_crack


thepoke--2020-02-06--Turns out some people put butter on their Weetabix and the internet is appalled

You may or may not enjoy Weetabix as your breakfast cereal of choice – free world and all that – @ @ @ @ @ do have Weetabix , you surely don ’ t do this with it ?
Jeremy @ @ @ @ @ producer Tim Johns was moved to take to Twitter after a listener told him she @ @ @ @ @ top .
Of her Weetabix .
And it turned out she wasn ’ t alone @ @ @ @ @ you might have heard of did something similar .
Then Weetabix got involved as well @ @ @ @ @ with a terrific way of ruining a perfectly good Eggs Benedict

Twitter
You may or may not enjoy Weetabix as your breakfast cereal of choice – free world and all that – but chances are if you do have Weetabix, you surely don’t do this with it?
Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 producer Tim Johns was moved to take to Twitter after a listener told him she likes hers with butter on top. Of her Weetabix.
I just spoke to a listener who told me for breakfast she eats Weetabix with butter on. No milk. She said quite a few people do this.
SURELY NOT? — Tim Johns (@timoncheese) February 5, 2020
And it turned out she wasn’t alone either.
You’ve just brought back a childhood memory I’d completely forgotten! — Kathryn Langley (@kathrynlangley) February 5, 2020
Quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever read. Say it’s not true… https://t.co/J59is2soPg — Sophia Franklin (@SophiaLouise77) February 5, 2020
I don't know if this is specifically a northern thing but I thing it might be, my mum would give me buttered weetabix as a kid (well Flora actually because it was the 90s) — Lucy Dearlove (@dearlucy) February 5, 2020
I'm so sorry for what you've been through — Tim Johns (@timoncheese) February 5, 2020
As a kid, for a snack, Mum would give me buttered Weetabix with jam on it. I also love butter in Rich Tea biscuits — Andythefireman (@Andythefireman) February 5, 2020
My brother always did and then spread with jam! A weetie scone basically 😂 — H (@countrymousie) February 5, 2020
Absolute definition of a psychopath. https://t.co/eXdKNsPmu9 — Victoria (@vicky_daly) February 5, 2020
And this chap you might have heard of did something similar.
Hell, I used to eat Ovaltine Rusks with horseradish sauce spread on them. Till I was at least 18. I’m in no position to judge… damn, now that you’ve reminded me – I wonder if they still make Ovaltine rusks… — Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) February 5, 2020
Then Weetabix got involved as well.
We may be partly to blame here Tim… we have been hashtagging #AnyWhichWayABix for the best part of a month now… — Weetabix (@weetabix) February 5, 2020
The horror.
That’s enough internet for today I think. https://t.co/NhjCcFTsZw — Jacqui Abbott (@jamajestical) February 5, 2020
READ MORE
Weetabix have come up with a terrific way of ruining a perfectly good Eggs Benedict
Source Twitter @timoncheese


thepoke--2020-02-06--Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech – with added lie-detector

The Jimmy Kimmel Live show turned its attention to the State of the Union address by Donald Trump , and @ @ @ @ @ his claims were true .
Shocking , we know .
Instead of merely performing a @ @ @ @ @ Jimmy Kimmel got the team to make it a bit more visual .
Although we @ @ @ @ @ from the relevant point , it ’ s worth watching the full piece , and @ @ @ @ @ .
If the Republicans can ’ t call out the President ’ s transgressions , @ @ @ @ @ to do it for them .
Donald Trump has been acquitted of the impeachment charges @ @ @ @ @ you need

Videos
The Jimmy Kimmel Live show turned its attention to the State of the Union address by Donald Trump, and discovered that not all of his claims were true. Shocking, we know.
Instead of merely performing a monologue on the falsehoods, Jimmy Kimmel got the team to make it a bit more visual.
Although we set that video to play from the relevant point, it’s worth watching the full piece, and you can do that here.
If the Republicans can’t call out the President’s transgressions, Jimmy Kimmel will be happy to do it for them.
READ MORE
Donald Trump has been acquitted of the impeachment charges – the only 7 reactions you need
Source Jimmy Kimmel Live Image Jimmy Kimmel Live


thepoke--2020-02-06--South Yorkshire Fire Service’s pro-LGBT+ video uses negative comments in a funny and positive way

February is LGBT History Month in the UK , with events to raise awareness of how the community has been @ @ @ @ @ past , as well as highlighting works by LGBT writers , artists and activists .
@ @ @ @ @ department has produced a fantastic video in support of their LGBT colleagues and the wider @ @ @ @ @ ve turned negative reactions from the past into something really powerful .
Here are a @ @ @ @ @ responses the clip has received .
If , like us , you want to know @ @ @ @ @ are their thoughts about why they felt the need to make the video .
This @ @ @ @ @ attending their first Pride will have you in tears

Videos
February is LGBT History Month in the UK, with events to raise awareness of how the community has been treated and reacted throughout the past, as well as highlighting works by LGBT writers, artists and activists.
South Yorkshire‘s fire department has produced a fantastic video in support of their LGBT colleagues and the wider community, and they’ve turned negative reactions from the past into something really powerful.
Last year we got a load of abuse when we added the rainbow flag to our profile picture. We don't think homophobic abuse is acceptable and we stand with all those LGBT+ people we serve and employ  Thanks for the comments… #LGBTHM2020 pic.twitter.com/kwzAvKWUjq — South Yorkshire Fire (@SYFR) February 5, 2020
Here are a few of the very positive responses the clip has received.
We love this response from @SYFR, well done! Unfortunately we have received similar comments. There's no place for homophobia, biphobia or transphobia in the workplace or our communities. #LGBTHM2020 https://t.co/TIMJtvmLzQ — LeicestershirePolice (@leicspolice) February 6, 2020
Awesome to see my local Fire Brigade doing something like this outside of Pride season. Well done folks and thank you. Means a lot. https://t.co/x6GOKG0CdN — (@triscoe) February 5, 2020
WHY DO I FIND THIS SO HILARADORABLE https://t.co/811Gp555lS — Ika Willis (@doessheeek) February 6, 2020
Note to all the fancy Hollywood directors.. you don't need to spend a fortune on CGI for amazing special effects! Brilliant and thank you all  pic.twitter.com/6UG5gxne4J — ChefDavie (@ChefDavieUK) February 5, 2020
Sadly, some people never learn.
Go put out a fire or rescue a cat from a tree. If you have so much spare time maybe your staff should be transferred to a busier area. — NerdKing™ (@NerdKingUK) February 5, 2020
If, like us, you want to know a bit more, here are their thoughts about why they felt the need to make the video.
Here's a bit more of the story behind the video  https://t.co/nZpJyjoJwK pic.twitter.com/9A4nfdPTHX — South Yorkshire Fire (@SYFR) February 5, 2020
READ MORE
This group of Irish LGBT people attending their first Pride will have you in tears
Source South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Image South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue


thepoke--2020-02-06--Get a whiff of these 19 puntastically stinky sitcoms

Who doesn ’ t love a good fart pun ?
Probably loads of people , to be fair , but @ @ @ @ @ wind of them .
When we spotted the trending hashtag # StinkySitcoms , it sounded @ @ @ @ @ we were right .
Here ’ s the account that kicked it all off .
@ @ @ @ @ stinky puns .

Twitter
Who doesn’t love a good fart pun? Probably loads of people, to be fair, but we haven’t got wind of them.
When we spotted the trending hashtag #StinkySitcoms, it sounded like a gas – and we were right.
Here’s the account that kicked it all off.
I don't know what you'll be doing but I'm going to play #StinkySitcoms with Weekly Humorist hosted by @WeeklyHumorist @delaneyWHmag – Play along on @HashtagRoundup — Hashtag Showcase w/Paige (@HashtagShowcase) February 5, 2020
And these were our favourite stinky puns.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Saved by the Smell
#StinkySitcoms pic.twitter.com/8n26zUoJb0 — Rachel, Patron Saint of Ratchet (@Rachels_Ratchet) February 5, 2020
5.
6.
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8.
9.
10.


thepoke--2020-02-06--These 17 pointlessly gendered items will have you shaking your head

It ’ s 2020 and toy shops are still selling blue “ boys ’ toys ” and pink “ girls @ @ @ @ @ ’ s deodorants decorated with butterflies , and men ’ s in Army Green .
@ @ @ @ @ just selling toys and deodorant for any gender to use if they fancy it ?
@ @ @ @ @ of examples of things that have been , well , pointlessly gendered , and these @ @ @ @ @ outrageous examples .
2 .
Must be all those manly wires 3 .
Alright , @ @ @ @ @ tools , as long as they ’ re a pretty colour 4 .
“ Put @ @ @ @ @ , and pick out some lipstick ” 5 .
D ’ you know what else @ @ @ @ @ ’ s stomach ?
Chocolates !
6 .
Presumably , men are praying for four @ @ @ @ @ Men ’ s soap – because women ’ s soap would make them grow breasts @ @ @

Pics
It’s 2020 and toy shops are still selling blue “boys’ toys” and pink “girls’ toys”, women’s deodorants decorated with butterflies, and men’s in Army Green.
What’s wrong with just selling toys and deodorant for any gender to use if they fancy it?
The r/pointlesslygendered subreddit is full of examples of things that have been, well, pointlessly gendered, and these are some of the most outrageous examples.
1. Because you can’t call a woman “Babe”
Via
2. Must be all those manly wires
Via
3. Alright, Ladies, you can have tools, as long as they’re a pretty colour
Via
4. “Put that scalpel down, Karen, and pick out some lipstick”
Via
5. D’you know what else can go in a man’s stomach? Chocolates!
Via
6. Presumably, men are praying for four more minutes free
Via
7. Plain white baby vests …for boys
Via
8. Men’s soap – because women’s soap would make them grow breasts. Probably.
Via
9. Spot the difference
Via


thepoke--2020-02-06--Donald Trump has been acquitted of the impeachment charges – the only 7 reactions you need

In a development that surprised nobody , the impeachment trial of Donald Trump came to a conclusion with all but @ @ @ @ @ voting to find the case against him unproven .
By 52 per cent to 48 @ @ @ @ @ has officially been declared not guilty of the charges of Abuse of Power and Obstruction @ @ @ @ @ that the same republicans who acquitted him had prevented witnesses from appearing at the trial @ @ @ @ @ record talking about trying to get the President of Ukraine to find dirt on an @ @ @ @ @ ’ t colour anyone ’ s judgement of the fairness of the verdict .
The @ @ @ @ @ had this to say .
It seemed he might have forgotten something .
Naturally , @ @ @ @ @ say about the verdict , and these responses put it best .
Writer and director @ @ @ @ @ a question about the repercussions of the “ trial ” and verdict .
Trump claimed @ @ @ @ @ jobs – the only 5 stunning takedowns you need

News
In a development that surprised nobody, the impeachment trial of Donald Trump came to a conclusion with all but one of the Republican senators voting to find the case against him unproven.
By 52 per cent to 48 per cent, the President has officially been declared not guilty of the charges of Abuse of Power and Obstruction of Congress.
The fact that the same republicans who acquitted him had prevented witnesses from appearing at the trial and the President is on record talking about trying to get the President of Ukraine to find dirt on an opponent’s family shouldn’t colour anyone’s judgement of the fairness of the verdict.
The Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, had this to say.
The President will boast that he has been acquitted. There can be no acquittal without a trial, and no trial without witnesses, documents and evidence. — Nancy Pelosi (@SpeakerPelosi) February 5, 2020
A view no doubt shared by Senator Kamala Harris.
We've just witnessed a miscarriage of justice on the floor of the United States Senate. — Kamala Harris (@SenKamalaHarris) February 5, 2020
Inevitably, Trump took to Twitter.
It seemed he might have forgotten something.
Naturally, Twitter had a lot to say about the verdict, and these responses put it best.
1.
BREAKING: Republican-majority Senate finds President Trump not guilty of that thing he expressly said he did #ImpeachmentDay — NotTodayPod (@NotTodayPod) February 5, 2020
2.
Congratulations to the 52 senators who voted not guilty. You just told a racist child-caging warmongering psychopath with poor impulse control that there are zero consequences for his actions. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 5, 2020
3.
you know else was found not guilty? OJ Simpson — Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) February 5, 2020
4.
#Trump’s learned nothing from the experience of being impeached. He will continue his criminal ways & then double down, knowing he’s gotten away with it once again. He will be like Robert Mugabwe, dictator of Zimbabwe, who lasted 40 YEARS, dying at 95, with his nation in ruins. — Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) February 6, 2020
5.
the Hamburglar was found Not Guilty at the trial about “Who Stole The Hamburgers?” — Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) February 5, 2020
6.
The Senate voted me NOT GUILTY! Yay! Thanks to my Republacan Senators (except Senator Romney) for helping ME cover up MY crimes! Best trial ever! No witnesses allowed! No facts allowed! Best cover-up EVER!! — Donald J. Trump ᵖᵃʳᵒᵈʸ (@realDonaldTrFan) February 5, 2020
7.
BREAKING: Members of Medellín Cartel find Pablo Escobar not guilty of "doing drug stuff". — Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) February 5, 2020
Writer and director, Adam Mckay, had a question about the repercussions of the “trial” and verdict.
Actual question: So can Dems now negotiate with Russia or China for dirt on Trump in exchange for future financial aid or trade concessions?
Is that now legal? Is it just “poor form?” — Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) February 6, 2020
READ MORE
Trump claimed Ivanka had created 15 million jobs – the only 5 stunning takedowns you need
Source Twitter Image ITV News