thepoke--2020-02-28--People love this New Yorker cover on Donald Trump and Coronavirus

Donald Trump ’ s been busy telling everyone that he ’ s got this Coronavirus thing totally under control .
@ @ @ @ @ have slightly shifted gear and started blaming everyone else but him .
Anyway , we @ @ @ @ @ New Yorker cover has Trump on the front and it ’ s called ‘ Under @ @ @ @ @ few of the things people were saying about it .
New Yorker cartoon nails 70 @ @ @ @ @ wrong with the world right now

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Donald Trump’s been busy telling everyone that he’s got this Coronavirus thing totally under control. Although now he appears to have slightly shifted gear and started blaming everyone else but him.
Anyway, we only mention this because the New Yorker cover has Trump on the front and it’s called ‘Under Control’.
It’s by Brian Stauffer and it’s brilliant.
Just a few of the things people were saying about it.
https://twitter.com/Tucker5law/status/1233304661551173632?s=20
The perfect, if chilling representation of this man’s limitless ignorance and failure. @NewYorker #COVID19US pic.twitter.com/TgLlWMSG98 — Minnie Driver (@driverminnie) February 28, 2020
READ MORE
New Yorker cartoon nails 70% of what’s wrong with the world right now
Source Twitter @NewYorker


thepoke--2020-02-28--‘Quote this tweet with something only a British person could relate to’ – 17 funny favourites

It began when someone called @ hol0801 on Twitter asked this .
And there were lots of great responses .
@ @ @ @ @ most of which we instantly recognised but some of them – we have to admit @ @ @ @ @ .
And one of them , well , see how you do .

Twitter
It began when someone called @hol0801 on Twitter asked this.
quote this tweet with something only a british person could relate to — hol🦋 (@hol0801) February 20, 2020
And there were lots of great responses. Here are 17 favourites, most of which we instantly recognised but some of them – we have to admit – took a little longer. And one of them, well, see how you do.
1.
I didn’t call you baldy, baldy https://t.co/X2dswD9W4r — tom mcgarry (@thomas_mcgarry) February 25, 2020
2.
3.
If my grandmother had wheels she would of been a bike https://t.co/WemFZTYkwU — D ⚡ (@DaniEmilyx) February 24, 2020
4.
It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here https://t.co/16aDbnkyWB — Matty (@MattyyPlummer) February 28, 2020
5.
you wouldn't steal a car
you wouldn’t steal a handbag
you wouldn’t steal a television
you wouldn’t steal a movie downloading pirated films is stealing,
stealing is against the law,
PIRACY. IT’S A CRIME. https://t.co/iqT5pz87lJ — taylor (@taylorlnrd) February 20, 2020
6.
chicken bhuna lamb bhuna prawn bhuna mushroom rice a bag of chips keema naan and nine poppadoms https://t.co/PsVTqaiarR — lewis (@lewisa95) February 24, 2020
7.
https://twitter.com/pastaisdick/status/1230606065785622528?s=20
8.
DIVORCED BEHEADED DIED DIVORCED BEHEADED SURVIVE https://t.co/Q4sJuNHda9 — Tom (@thomasswfc) February 22, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-02-28--Americans are avoiding Corona beer because of the coronavirus and it explains so much

We ’ ve all seen people tweeting jokes about Corona beer since the similarly named virus hit the headlines , @ @ @ @ @ checked and this isn ’ t one of them .
So , wait , what @ @ @ @ @ ’ s in the beer ?
Knowing what we do about chlorine chicken , it @ @ @ @ @ US food and drink laws as anything else .
We particularly enjoyed these five reactions @ @ @ @ @ would too .
Perhaps they should take @ platzmania ‘ s suggestion .
Or this @ @ @ @ @ Duncan Jones .
We finally understand what they mean by viral marketing .
Tim Burgess @ @ @ @ @ ’ s ‘ warning ’ he found on the Sun and Daily Mail Source New @ @ @ @ @ and @ macauphotoagency on Unsplash

Twitter
We’ve all seen people tweeting jokes about Corona beer since the similarly named virus hit the headlines, but we’ve double checked and this isn’t one of them.
Americans are avoiding Corona beer amid coronavirus outbreak, survey finds https://t.co/5Vd46LtwMR pic.twitter.com/G9J9dLqgDo — New York Post (@nypost) February 28, 2020
So, wait, what? Do they think it’s in the beer? Knowing what we do about chlorine chicken, it probably says as much about US food and drink laws as anything else.
We particularly enjoyed these five reactions, and we thought you would too.
1.
How could Americans vote a moron like Trump into office?… oh. https://t.co/zQL1YdH9Lh — Walter Chaw 周瑜 (@mangiotto) February 28, 2020
2.
There’s no cure for stupid https://t.co/opFCivOxq0 — barney farmer (@barneyfarmer) February 28, 2020
3.
It’s only February and 2020 has already eaten itself. https://t.co/Vxn3QZ1X80 — Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) February 28, 2020
4.
We are, as a nation, dog stupid. Except that’s not fair to dogs, many of whom are wicked smaht. https://t.co/Um2KEq4QLt — Kurt Busiek Resists (@KurtBusiek) February 28, 2020
5.
they should name the next virus guns https://t.co/2tQt81AXlm — ボブ (@weeabob) February 28, 2020
Perhaps they should take @platzmania‘s suggestion.
Or this one from film director, Duncan Jones.
They really need to just bite the bullet and come up with a Corona cocktail to call “the virus.” https://t.co/ykx1fSV3RW — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) February 28, 2020
We finally understand what they mean by viral marketing.
READ MORE
Tim Burgess went viral with the newsagent’s ‘warning’ he found on the Sun and Daily Mail
Source New York Post Image @barncreative and @macauphotoagency on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-28--Tim Burgess went viral with the newsagent’s ‘warning’ he found on the Sun and Daily Mail

Singer Tim Burgess shared this picture of what he found in his newsagents and lots and lots of people liked @ @ @ @ @ did .
And the Charlatans singer also shared a little bit of context .
Not @ @ @ @ @ just in case … People love this Liverpudlian woman ’ s takedown of the Sun @ @ @ @ @ row with Tommy Robinson

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Singer Tim Burgess shared this picture of what he found in his newsagents and lots and lots of people liked it as much as he did.
Whoever did this, we salute you ; ) pic.twitter.com/4n312Y8meu — Tim Burgess (@Tim_Burgess) February 26, 2020
And the Charlatans singer also shared a little bit of context.
Lots of people loved it.
Not everyone, though.
Might seem amusing but there is enough disinformation out there already. This isn’t just a harmless prank, this is potentially spreading panic among the misinformed that the virus can be transmitted through paper. Irresponsible. — Andrew Dowd (@andrew_dowd) February 27, 2020
Whoever did this? Someone with a lot of time on their hands. — Cocnaí (@279Arsenal) February 26, 2020
The time to use a printer and wander into a shop???? — perpetually tired (@bryonydearman) February 26, 2020
And just in case …
Print your own folks…. 👍🏼 pic.twitter.com/xTGAntQQFB — Paul Nugent (@rednugget) February 27, 2020
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People love this Liverpudlian woman’s takedown of the Sun after it asked about her row with Tommy Robinson
Source Twitter @Tim_Burgess


thepoke--2020-02-28--Simply 25 things that made us laugh this week

We ’ re about to see Storm Jorge hit the UK before we ’ ve even finished the clean-up from @ @ @ @ @ Dennis .
Boris Johnson has yet to show his face in affected areas , but @ @ @ @ @ to discuss the coronavirus , for which the UK government has made contingency plans for @ @ @ @ @ s absolutely shocking – whoever heard of this government making plans ?
Luckily , funny @ @ @ @ @ the clock to give us a laugh .

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We’re about to see Storm Jorge hit the UK before we’ve even finished the clean-up from Storms Brendan, Ciara and Dennis.
Boris Johnson has yet to show his face in affected areas, but he has taken time out to discuss the coronavirus, for which the UK government has made contingency plans for mass graves.
It’s absolutely shocking – whoever heard of this government making plans? Luckily, funny tweeters have been toiling around the clock to give us a laugh.
1.
HS2 now estimated to be above £106bn but I don’t know if that’s for a single or return — Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳🌈 (@craiguito) February 24, 2020
2.
I've found that the most efficient way to get rid of sugar cravings is to eat stuff with sugar in it, like chocolate for example — Agnes (@agnessjonsson) February 23, 2020
3.
oh no, that man has accidentally sat on a courgette! oh phew, no he hasn’t. hang on, yes he has. oh wait, no he hasn’t. yes he has. hasn’t. has… pic.twitter.com/lpMxPXw42M — forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) February 23, 2020
4.
Is it memory foam? Or is it foam that just refuses to forget? — Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) February 24, 2020
5.
perhaps the real message of The Lord of the Rings was that only people who are well-rested, enjoy plenty of leisure time and have a healthy work/life balance are capable of accomplishing what needs to be done — Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) February 22, 2020
6.
Oh god it’s going to kill us isn’t it pic.twitter.com/KlKuysBrpL — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 24, 2020
7.
No, but I’m best mates with a biscuit *dies laughing* pic.twitter.com/n7R7LtNtCO — Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) February 24, 2020
8.
Friend announces to her office on Friday that she's off to see Emma. Young colleague looks confused. Friend explains that it's a Jane Austen.
Young colleague still looks confused: 'Nope. Think I'm showing my age here.'
AS IF MY FRIEND WAS ALIVE DURING THE NAPOLEONIC WARS. — Sophia Money-Coutts (@sophiamcoutts) February 23, 2020
9.
10.
I mean seriously, how often do you really look at a man's shoes? pic.twitter.com/fB9kQ0eGYc — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) February 25, 2020
11.
I've been thinking about the short and medium term future of my career for a while now and have concluded that I need to be independently wealthy and for that wealth to be inherited — Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) February 24, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-02-28--‘Crazy sore muscles but no bath tub? Improvise. Adapt. Overcome’

This is what to do if you haven ’ t got a bath but you really , really want a @ @ @ @ @ would work for everyone though .
Definitely wouldn ’ t work for us .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ bath tub ?
Improvise .
Adapt .
Overcome , ’ said Anna_Banananana over on Reddit @ @ @ @ @ favourite things people said about it .
‘ Not sure folding up like a pretzel @ @ @ @ @ who knows.
’ Convenient40 ‘ It looks scrunchier than it was , pretty comfy actually @ @ @ @ @ new person after.
’ Anna_Banananana ‘ For a minute I thought you blacked out your @ @ @ @ @ are where I draw the line.
’ Anna_Banananana ‘ One good fart and that phone @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m just saying….. that is a well placed sticker.
’ Foxbat40 People are @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve ever seen and these 17 are truly terrible

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This is what to do if you haven’t got a bath but you really, really want a bath. Not sure it would work for everyone though. Definitely wouldn’t work for us.
‘Crazy sore muscles but no bath tub? Improvise. Adapt. Overcome,’ said Anna_Banananana over on Reddit.
Well, it’s one way of doing it. And here are our favourite things people said about it.
‘They a……… make bigger storage tubs. Just saying.’ mrbootjangles ‘Not sure folding up like a pretzel will help your muscles but who knows.’ Convenient40 ‘It looks scrunchier than it was, pretty comfy actually. Felt like a whole new person after.’ Anna_Banananana ‘For a minute I thought you blacked out your knee.’ _ND_e_ ‘Knees are where I draw the line.’ Anna_Banananana ‘One good fart and that phone is toast.’ Jonbot5k ‘I’m just saying….. that is a well placed sticker.’ Foxbat40
READ MORE
People are sharing the worst bathrooms they’ve ever seen and these 17 are truly terrible
Source Reddit yu/Anna_Banananana


thepoke--2020-02-28--This tale of oversleeping went wildly viral because it’s a salutary lesson for us all

This little tale of someone who overslept and missed their phone interview went wildly viral because it was a salutary lesson for everyone .
It was shared in the subReddit about ‘ pro life-tips ’ and here ’ s what Redditor w2555 had to say .
And here are just a few of the things people said about it after it went viral – very viral – on Reddit .
‘ Like my dad always says .
The more you say , the more you ’ re responsible for.
’ hein_4412 ‘ Never say more than you have to .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t offer up extra details.
’ wilsonism ‘ Further : if you must offer a reason , offer one .
If you ’ re late because of traffic , a sick cat , and a miscommunication , pick one .
You know what three sound like ?
Excuses , even if they ’ re all true.
’ zomboromcom ‘ Also don ’ t make your self late twice in a row .
If you ’ re 15 minutes away don ’ t say you ’ ll be there in 10 minutes to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ll be there in 20 mins to give you some breathing room to find parking or run to the bathroom.
’ grimwock 12 highly unethical life pro-tips that are works of ( evil ) genius

Popular
This little tale of someone who overslept and missed their phone interview went wildly viral because it was a salutary lesson for everyone.
It was shared in the subReddit about ‘pro life-tips’ and here’s what Redditor w2555 had to say.
And here are just a few of the things people said about it after it went viral – very viral – on Reddit.
“Make a simple, concise statement. And then STOP TALKING.” Joyful_Fucker ‘Like my dad always says. The more you say, the more you’re responsible for.’ hein_4412 ‘Never say more than you have to. Don’t lie, but don’t offer up extra details.’ wilsonism ‘Further: if you must offer a reason, offer one. If you’re late because of traffic, a sick cat, and a miscommunication, pick one. You know what three sound like? Excuses, even if they’re all true.’ zomboromcom ‘Also don’t make your self late twice in a row. If you’re 15 minutes away don’t say you’ll be there in 10 minutes to make them feel better, say you’ll be there in 20 mins to give you some breathing room to find parking or run to the bathroom.’ grimwock
READ MORE
12 highly unethical life pro-tips that are works of (evil) genius
Source Reddit u/w2555 Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-02-28--Probably the most heartfelt library comment you’ll see anytime soon

We ’ re very much in favour of the public being able to comment on facilities they use , as @ @ @ @ @ as for their usefulness in effecting change .
Who are we kidding ?
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
Over on Twitter , librarian Joe Davies has shared a highly relatable comment from @ @ @ @ @ grievance .
It ’ s not so much passive-aggressive as just plain aggressive .
The @ @ @ @ @ into the zeitgeist .
We highly suspect every librarian alive would love to have written @ @ @ @ @ have .
This thread about working in a library went viral because it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ and utterly lovely

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We’re very much in favour of the public being able to comment on facilities they use, as much for their comedy potential as for their usefulness in effecting change. Who are we kidding? It’s all about the comedy.
Over on Twitter, librarian Joe Davies has shared a highly relatable comment from someone with a deeply held grievance.
It’s not so much passive-aggressive as just plain aggressive.
The anonymous commenter had definitely tapped into the zeitgeist.
this is my energy when people talk in the amtrak quiet car https://t.co/E2lH9L4jSc — molly (@heymolly) February 27, 2020
We highly suspect every librarian alive would love to have written that comment.
@CodexRex you know staff are not supposed to fill out the comment cards, right? https://t.co/TPraCRaNiw — Cummingtonite? (@geology24_7) February 27, 2020
They probably have.
READ MORE
This thread about working in a library went viral because it’s funny, passionate, angry and utterly lovely
Source Joe Davies Image Joe Davies, @syinq on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-28--‘Our tyre sticker ball turned 6 today’

‘Our tyre sticker ball turned 6 today’

No matter what you ’ ve managed to achieve so far in your life , prepare to feel inadequate .
Because these people just did this !
And … look at it !
‘ Sure it turned 6 years , but how many were GoodYears ?
’ AdvancedAdvance ‘ I have questions : ‘ How did this start ?
Was it a spur of the moment thing or a “ I ’ m going to create a huge ball of stickers ” long-term goal from the get go ?
How long will you keep going ?
‘ Who is in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ add stickers and rejoice in the ever growing ball , or are they like “ fuck it ’ s this weird dude again with his fuckin stickers , please man let me burn this thing on his next day off ” ?
’ Befnaa ‘ 1.There was a smoll rubberband ball lying around and we had the idea to do the same … but with big stickers .
1 ( a ) .
Long term from the get-go , our goal is the world record .
1 ( b ) .
We will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ broken , and we won ’ t stop until the universe record is also broken .
‘ 2 .
The whole shop is in on it !
Everybody cheerfully contributes their stickers to the chonk on a daily basis .
2 ( b ) .
I ’ m weird , but they accept my weirdness.
’ Whitlow14 ‘ Is this going to be a yearly post ?
!
?
’ illthinkofonel8er

No matter what you’ve managed to achieve so far in your life, prepare to feel inadequate. Because these people just did this!
‘Our tyre sticker ball turned 6 today,’ writes Whitlow14 over on Reddit.
And … look at it!
‘Sure it turned 6 years, but how many were GoodYears?’ AdvancedAdvance
‘I have questions: ‘How did this start? Was it a spur of the moment thing or a “I’m going to create a huge ball of stickers” long-term goal from the get go? How long will you keep going?
‘Who is in on it? Do all your coworkers add stickers and rejoice in the ever growing ball, or are they like “fuck it’s this weird dude again with his fuckin stickers, please man let me burn this thing on his next day off”?’ Befnaa
‘1. There was a smoll rubberband ball lying around and we had the idea to do the same … but with big stickers. 1(a). Long term from the get-go, our goal is the world record. 1(b). We will keep going until the world record is broken, and we won’t stop until the universe record is also broken.
‘2. The whole shop is in on it! Everybody cheerfully contributes their stickers to the chonk on a daily basis. 2(b). I’m weird, but they accept my weirdness.’ Whitlow14
‘Is this going to be a yearly post?!?’ illthinkofonel8er
‘Yes!’ Whitlow14


thepoke--2020-02-28--Just a brilliant way of closing down this time waster that was funny and very efficient

Anyone who ’ s ever tried to sell stuff online will know that it involves a lot of dealing with @ @ @ @ @ only these exchanges ended as beautifully as this one , shared on Reddit by Clongjax @ @ @ @ @ was an attempt … to negotiate.
’ And it generated a lot of love from @ @ @ @ @ a few of the comments .
‘ He isn ’ t wrong .
This is @ @ @ @ @ cdtoad ‘ I fucking hate when people ask this .
Like I ’ m going @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m willing to go ?
Why , so you can low-ball even that @ @ @ @ @ found that countering with “ How high are you willing to go ?
” shuts @ @ @ @ @ OldManBrodie ‘ I shall use this strategy now.
’ AJ23R7 This guy got mad because @ @ @ @ @ collection only ’ and his fury is something to behold

Popular
Anyone who’s ever tried to sell stuff online will know that it involves a lot of dealing with time wasters.
And if only these exchanges ended as beautifully as this one, shared on Reddit by Clongjax who says: ‘There was an attempt … to negotiate.’
And it generated a lot of love from people. Here are just a few of the comments.
‘He isn’t wrong. This is just basic physics!’ cdtoad ‘I fucking hate when people ask this. Like I’m going to tell you how low I’m willing to go? Why, so you can low-ball even that price? I’ve found that countering with “How high are you willing to go?” shuts them down pretty quick.’ OldManBrodie ‘I shall use this strategy now.’ AJ23R7
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This guy got mad because a £5 bag was ‘collection only’ and his fury is something to behold
Source Reddit u/Clongjax


thepoke--2020-02-28--The unfortunate drummer at the back losing control of his stick is an all-time great guilty pleasure

Never fails to make us smile .
And it never fails to make us feel bad that we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ on the percussionist at the back .
‘ Budum tsss , ’ said sam6054 who @ @ @ @ @ Just a very funny 13 seconds of these two chaps making bread Source YouTube H/T @

Videos
Never fails to make us smile. And it never fails to make us feel bad that we’re smiling.
Keep your eye on the percussionist at the back.
‘Budum tsss,’ said sam6054 who shared it on Reddit.
READ MORE
Just a very funny 13 seconds of these two chaps making bread
Source YouTube H/T Reddit


thepoke--2020-02-28--The hilariously ugly truth about how parcels are delivered

Comedian Paul Leon has TikToked a quick sketch showing how some of the major delivery companies handle deliveries , and @ @ @ @ @ hilariously relatable .
TikTokers recognised reality when they saw it .
Finally , one TikTok @ @ @ @ @ showed just how devastatingly accurate Paul ’ s take on Hermes was .
This delivery @ @ @ @ @ to cope with this icy driveway

Videos
Comedian Paul Leon has TikToked a quick sketch showing how some of the major delivery companies handle deliveries, and it’s horribly and hilariously relatable.
TikTokers recognised reality when they saw it.
Finally, one TikTok user had a story that showed just how devastatingly accurate Paul’s take on Hermes was.
READ MORE
This delivery guy went the extra mile to cope with this icy driveway
Source PaulLeonHQ Image PaulLeonHQ


thepoke--2020-02-28--Age is just a number – and this card from an astrophysicist proves it

There ’ s nothing quite like a birthday card from an astrophysicist to make a person realise that age isn @ @ @ @ @ this one from u/tachoknight ’ s daughter is anything to go by .
Everybody should @ @ @ @ @ life – as long as it ’ s the right astrophysicist .
This astrophysicist delivered @ @ @ @ @ climate change denier and the whole internet cheered

Pics
There’s nothing quite like a birthday card from an astrophysicist to make a person realise that age isn’t important, if this one from u/tachoknight’s daughter is anything to go by.
Everybody should have an astrophysicist in their life – as long as it’s the right astrophysicist.
READ MORE
This astrophysicist delivered a sick burn to a climate change denier and the whole internet cheered
Source u/Funny Image u/Funny, @kouglov on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-28--James O’Brien’s summary of the UK’s negotiation stance makes darkly comic listening

Award-winning author and radio presenter , James O ’ Brien , had a chat with LBC ’ s political editor @ @ @ @ @ boiled the UK ’ s negotiation stance down to this .
” If they don @ @ @ @ @ want , we ’ ll walk away , and it won ’ t be a @ @ @ @ @ be an Australian deal , which is a new word for a no-deal – and @ @ @ @ @ spite of having until December to secure a deal , which is already cutting it @ @ @ @ @ vowed to walk away from negotiations if enough agreement hasn ’ t been reached by @ @ @ @ @ been in the fine print on the manifesto .
As much as we appreciated the @ @ @ @ @ , we enjoyed the one he tweeted even more .
James O ’ Brien had @ @ @ @ @ caller pushing a wild EU conspiracy theory

Videos
Award-winning author and radio presenter, James O’Brien, had a chat with LBC’s political editor, Theo Usherwood, and boiled the UK’s negotiation stance down to this.
”If they don’t do what we want, we’ll walk away, and it won’t be a no-deal, it’ll be an Australian deal, which is a new word for a no-deal – and something about fish.”
from Contempt GIFs via Gfycat
In spite of having until December to secure a deal, which is already cutting it fine, the government has vowed to walk away from negotiations if enough agreement hasn’t been reached by June. That must have been in the fine print on the manifesto.
As much as we appreciated the summary he put to Theo, we enjoyed the one he tweeted even more.
We’re back to threatening to hit the EU with our own testicles. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) February 27, 2020
READ MORE
James O’Brien had the perfect burn for a caller pushing a wild EU conspiracy theory
Source LBC Image LBC, @franz95 on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-02-28--This police dog handler speaks fluent German shepherd – and it’s just glorious

Police dog handlers have to maintain a totally professional relationship with their canine charges , or else the animals could @ @ @ @ @ worse still , attack the careless officers , right ?
Wrong .
Police dogs are @ @ @ @ @ like to play and be made a fuss of by the officers who care for @ @ @ @ @ @ policeposts shows working dog , Odin , playing a very snarly game with his @ @ @ @ @ hard to tell which of them enjoyed that more .
TikTokers loved the burgeoning buddy @ @ @ @ @ the van .
One TikTok user thought the clip might have given criminals some pointers @ @ @ @ @ whole other viral video right there .
This police dog ’ s hair will put @ @ @ @ @ ( as might the comments )

Videos
Police dog handlers have to maintain a totally professional relationship with their canine charges, or else the animals could lose their edge or, worse still, attack the careless officers, right? Wrong.
Police dogs are still dogs, and they like to play and be made a fuss of by the officers who care for them.
This TikTok from @policeposts shows working dog, Odin, playing a very snarly game with his handler.
It’s hard to tell which of them enjoyed that more.
TikTokers loved the burgeoning buddy cop movie playing out in the van.
One TikTok user thought the clip might have given criminals some pointers.
That’s a whole other viral video right there.
READ MORE
This police dog’s hair will put a smile on your face (as might the comments)
Source @policeposts Image @policeposts


thepoke--2020-02-28--7 funniest responses to China sending an army of ducks to fight a swarm of locusts

We don ’ t mean to worry anyone , but there have been raging fires , torrential floods , a @ @ @ @ @ now – a plague of locusts .
If some guy turns up with an ark @ @ @ @ @ it might be time to start praying .
Joking aside , the swarm of locusts @ @ @ @ @ 25 years , has been devastating crops in parts of Africa and Pakistan , as @ @ @ @ @ However , China has come up with a solution that doesn ’ t involve pesticides @ @ @ @ @ unconventional approach got Twitter in a flap , with these posts standing out from the @ @ @ @ @ each other with their best ducks and it ’ s quacking brilliant

Twitter
We don’t mean to worry anyone, but there have been raging fires, torrential floods, a globally spreading disease, and now – a plague of locusts. If some guy turns up with an ark and starts gathering animals, it might be time to start praying.
Joking aside, the swarm of locusts, the largest seen for 25 years, has been devastating crops in parts of Africa and Pakistan, as well as disrupting flights.
However, China has come up with a solution that doesn’t involve pesticides – 100,000 ducks.
China prepares 100,000 ducks to battle Pakistan's locust swarms A single duck can eat more than 200 locusts a day https://t.co/D3IgmCYFK8 — BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) February 27, 2020
The unconventional approach got Twitter in a flap, with these posts standing out from the crowd.
1.
can't help but feel an army of ducks preparing to battle an army of locusts should be a bigger story https://t.co/wunMJZvP8v — Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 27, 2020
2.
Who will fight the duck swarmhttps://t.co/Xxz9PJUZ3r — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 27, 2020
3.
Release the quacken https://t.co/UCsBvn1ZBB — The Serfs (@theserfstv) February 27, 2020
4.
they're sending their best, it's a quack team https://t.co/SkGese9udQ — David Wyllie (@journodave) February 27, 2020
5.
Godspeed to our brave troops https://t.co/IXsNgFhRqD — katy (@itsbedtime_) February 27, 2020
6.
when real life sounds like one of the penguin's plans to take over gotham city https://t.co/03KsaDNILQ — Oliver Willis (@owillis) February 27, 2020
7.
The original plan was one horse-sized duck: https://t.co/PK5DhXbUwV — Yoni Appelbaum (@YAppelbaum) February 27, 2020
Unsurprisingly, writer Sarah Jaffe interpreted the omens.
This apocalypse is kind of shit but I am here for the duck army https://t.co/qOtkgGwrkj — Sarah Jaffe (@sarahljaffe) February 27, 2020
READ MORE
Museums are trolling each other with their best ducks and it’s quacking brilliant
Source BBC Image @josswoodhead on Unsplash, Egor Kamelev on Pexels


thepoke--2020-02-27--This simple-looking sum went viral because people have so many different ways of doing it

In the first ( only ) of an occasional new series , mental arithmetic of the week , comes this @ @ @ @ @ on Twitter .
And it went viral because people had so many different ways of @ @ @ @ @ addition get so complicated ?
This simple enough maths question has divided the internet and @ @ @ @

Twitter
In the first (only) of an occasional new series, mental arithmetic of the week, comes this question posed by @PrettyboiiDB_9 on Twitter.
What happens in your head when you do 27+89? — Axe Savage-Hunter (@PrettyboiiDB_9) February 25, 2020
And it went viral because people had so many different ways of doing it.
1.
☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ + ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌ ☝✌
= 116 — Isak Wahlberg (@WahlbergIsak) February 26, 2020
2.
9 and 7 is 16, carry the 1 and add the rest — Sabrina (@brina_hinkle) February 25, 2020
3.
20 + 80 is 100 then 7 + 9 is 16 so 116 — (@StephInTheeCity) February 25, 2020
4.
Round up to 30 + 90 = 120 the minus 4 = 116 — Mel Renee (@MelReneeStyles) February 26, 2020
5.
I added 1 to 89 to make it 90 and just added the 26 after that — Bree ✨ (@Omfgbre) February 26, 2020
6.
27+89 = 89+1+26 = 90+26 = 90+10+16 = 100+16 = 116 — анялипвиг (@AnnLipwig) February 27, 2020
7.
89 + 20 = 109 + 7 = 116 — manika (@manika194) February 26, 2020
When did addition get so complicated?
“Let me open the calculator” — Alexis (@alexiiism) February 25, 2020
We’re with Caitlin Moran.
I would literally never do this https://t.co/GbPHNKoAw1 — Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) February 27, 2020
READ MORE
This simple enough maths question has divided the internet and people are getting angry
Source Twitter @PrettyboiiDB_9


thepoke--2020-02-28--People love this New Yorker cover nailing Donald Trump and Coronavirus

Donald Trump ’ s been busy telling everyone that he ’ s got this Coronavirus thing totally under control .
@ @ @ @ @ have slightly shifted gear and started blaming everyone else but him .
Anyway , we @ @ @ @ @ New Yorker cover has Trump on the front and it ’ s called ‘ Under @ @ @ @ @ few of the things people were saying about it .
New Yorker cartoon nails 70 @ @ @ @ @ wrong with the world right now

Pics
Donald Trump’s been busy telling everyone that he’s got this Coronavirus thing totally under control. Although now he appears to have slightly shifted gear and started blaming everyone else but him.
Anyway, we only mention this because the New Yorker cover has Trump on the front and it’s called ‘Under Control’.
It’s by Brian Stauffer and it’s brilliant.
Just a few of the things people were saying about it.
https://twitter.com/Tucker5law/status/1233304661551173632?s=20
The perfect, if chilling representation of this man’s limitless ignorance and failure. @NewYorker #COVID19US pic.twitter.com/TgLlWMSG98 — Minnie Driver (@driverminnie) February 28, 2020
READ MORE
New Yorker cartoon nails 70% of what’s wrong with the world right now
Source Twitter @NewYorker


thepoke--2020-03-01--Iceland’s superb Eurovision song Think About Things by Dadi Freyer deserves to win

Dadi Freyr and his band Gangamagnid will be representing Iceland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2020 .
The singer made @ @ @ @ @ Rotterdam thanks to their absolute joy of pop banger , Think About Things .
The @ @ @ @ @ the Icelandic word for “ Data plan ” .
The video features the normcore group @ @ @ @ @ the pixellated avatars of the band members .
Dadi Freyr already has some famous fans @ @ @ @ @ Russell Crowe raving about the track on social media .
Gagnamagnið , also known as @ @ @ @ @ led by Daði Freyr Pétursson .
The other five members of the band are Daði @ @ @ @ @ Ásmundsdóttir , Daði ’ s sister Sigrún Birna Pétursdóttir , Hulda Kristín Kolbrúnardóttir , Stefán @ @ @ @ @ .

Exclusive
Dadi Freyr and his band Gangamagnid will be representing Iceland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2020.
The singer made it through the finals in Rotterdam thanks to their absolute joy of pop banger, Think About Things.
The name of the band is the Icelandic word for “Data plan” .
The video features the normcore group in green sweatshirts which feature the pixellated avatars of the band members.
Dadi Freyr already has some famous fans in the mix, with Russell Crowe raving about the track on social media.
Gagnamagnið, also known as Daði & Gagnamagnið, are led by Daði Freyr Pétursson.
The other five members of the band are Daði’s wife Árný Fjóla Ásmundsdóttir, Daði’s sister Sigrún Birna Pétursdóttir, Hulda Kristín Kolbrúnardóttir, Stefán Hannesson and Jóhann Sigurður Jóhannsson.
Produced by Andvari Productions
Directed by Guðný Rós Þórhallsdóttir


thepoke--2020-03-02--This practical joke is simple but effective and very funny

Very possibly the best 10 seconds you ’ ll spend today , a practical joke that is simple but effective @ @ @ @ @ people suggested it was fake but surely too good to check .
We ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ .
A lovely little practical joke if your neighbour ’ s security settings aren ’ @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Very possibly the best 10 seconds you’ll spend today, a practical joke that is simple but effective and very funny.
I have to admit to giggling. But hey, don't tell anyone. 😉 pic.twitter.com/9Mu1GJolDz — Gwyneth Montenegro (@ThisIsGwyneth) February 27, 2020
Some people suggested it was fake but surely too good to check. We’ll just watch it again instead.
READ MORE
A lovely little practical joke if your neighbour’s security settings aren’t what they might be
Source Twitter @ThisIsGwyneth


thepoke--2020-03-02--This state-run Chinese news agency poll about coronavirus forgot an important option

China ’ s official state-run press agency thought it would run a Twitter poll to ask people which part of @ @ @ @ @ to coronavirus impressed them the most .
Unfortunately for them they forgot to include an @ @ @ @ @ everyone else , someone helpfully filled them in .

Twitter
China’s official state-run press agency thought it would run a Twitter poll to ask people which part of the government’s response to coronavirus impressed them the most.
Unfortunately for them they forgot to include an important option. Fortunately for everyone else, someone helpfully filled them in.
It went viral on Reddit where lots of people were suggesting @comradestali’s next tweet would be from a prison cell. Or worse.
Do you think China is: A good
B great
C amazing
D awesome
E all of the above
anothertrad
Source Reddit u/yadun87


thepoke--2020-03-02--Peter Andre’s alleged coronavirus precautions caused an outbreak of pisstaking

Although the government ’ s coronavirus prevention advice is *checks notes* “ wash your hands ” , a lot of @ @ @ @ @ steps to avoid contamination , including a “ no-shaking-hands ” policy .
Singer Peter Andre @ @ @ @ @ than that , according to this article in the Mirror .
That ’ s got @ @ @ @ @ for middle-aged women since Philip Schofield came out .
When a photo of a warning @ @ @ @ @ was an outbreak of pisstaking .

Twitter
Although the government’s coronavirus prevention advice is *checks notes* “wash your hands”, a lot of people are taking their own steps to avoid contamination, including a “no-shaking-hands” policy.
Singer Peter Andre has gone a bit further than that, according to this article in the Mirror.
Peter Andre fans 'told not to touch or take selfies due to fear of #coronavirus'https://t.co/IkF3x4h9HV pic.twitter.com/G1JDgVp81r — Mirror Celeb (@MirrorCeleb) March 2, 2020
That’s got to be the biggest disappointment for middle-aged women since Philip Schofield came out.
When a photo of a warning notice turned up, there was an outbreak of pisstaking.
1.
2.
I’ve paid my three quid, I’m touching Peter Andre. pic.twitter.com/OwbS4v4n2J — Bea_ker (@bea_ker) March 2, 2020
3.
Woooaahooahoohoahoooh, mysterious girl I want you to maintain your fucking distance pic.twitter.com/EJwIIyhLqI — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 2, 2020
4.
Peter Andre has a stronger coronavirus policy than our government #coronavirusuk pic.twitter.com/yVVWA4pXfJ — Liam (@LiamIngram7) March 2, 2020
5.
A lack of physical contact with Peter Andre is only an inconvenience if you're a 35 – 55 year old woman. Possibly divorced. Definitely says "oh go on, I'll be naughty" when offered a malteser. https://t.co/dMoE8t5Ijw — NotSoLocalHero (@NotSoLocalHero) March 2, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-03-02--The Home Office is showing off the new ‘blue’ British passport – only 5 responses you need

Now that Boris Johnson has got Brexit done – well , sort of – it won ’ t be long @ @ @ @ @ .
Well , blue-ish .
And we can only hope you ’ re as excited @ @ @ @ @ Office apparently is .
Not everyone shared their enthusiasm , though .
These 5 replies @ @ @ @ @ we reckon .
And just in case you ’ re not sure about that colour @ @ @ @ @ a photo of a joke passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph

Twitter
Now that Boris Johnson has got Brexit done – well, sort of – it won’t be long until British passports turn blue. Well, blue-ish. And we can only hope you’re as excited about it as the Home Office apparently is.
Britons will once again be able to travel with a blue passport when the iconic colour returns for the first time in almost 30 years. pic.twitter.com/rBZ4bvu1Qn — Home Office (@ukhomeoffice) March 2, 2020
Not everyone shared their enthusiasm, though. These 5 replies pretty much nail it, we reckon.
1.
Yeah that's right lads, focus on the colour and not the fact it eradicates our right to live and work in 27 other countries. https://t.co/JucSKGqBKK — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) March 2, 2020
2.
3.
Judging a book by its cover is pure Brexit. https://t.co/D8CpZPcVft — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 2, 2020
4.
“Wow this passport’s fancy. Must have some kickass features. How many countries do you have the right to work in on this bad boy?”
“1”
“Huh. Still, blue though… Pretty fucking snazzy.” pic.twitter.com/GezKOqXIFH — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 2, 2020
5.
It’s beautiful! Shame it’s not as useful as the previous one whose design (a) was entirely the UK’s gift anyway and (b) allowed the bearer the right to work, study and retire across Europe. But well done on the design. It’s a lovely thing to stare at in the long passport queues. — Seb Dance 🌹🇪🇺 (@SebDance) March 2, 2020
And just in case you’re not sure about that colour …
To conclude, this.
Imagine giving a shit about this — Jim Cognito (@JimCognito2016) March 2, 2020
READ MORE
The Express accidentally used a photo of a joke passport to illustrate the latest Brexit triumph


thepoke--2020-03-02--We may never sleep again after reading these 17 creepy quotes from kids

Children have far better imaginations than most adults , and that ’ s the information we ’ re currently using @ @ @ @ @ these terrifying comments from youngsters .
It all started with author Barlow Adams sharing something @ @ @ @ @ The tweet has been liked more than 100,000 times in two days , and has @ @ @ @ @ people , but it ’ s the responses that really caught our attention , and @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
Children have far better imaginations than most adults, and that’s the information we’re currently using to comfort ourselves after reading these terrifying comments from youngsters.
It all started with author Barlow Adams sharing something his 9-year-old had said.
9: Can I sleep with you?
Me: Why?
9: Had a dream about the Lullaby Lady.
M: Who?
9: An old woman with no skin on her hands.
M: Why do you call her that?
9: Because she stands next to your bed and hums while you sleep.
M: Sure, just let Daddy put the house up for sale real quick. — Barlow Adams (@BarlowAdams) February 29, 2020
via Gfycat
The tweet has been liked more than 100,000 times in two days, and has been shared by almost 12,000 people, but it’s the responses that really caught our attention, and these were our favourites.
1.
My 6 year old had a princess bed with curtains around it. She used to get really hot in bed so I suggested not drawing the curtains around her. She replied, ‘No, I have to have the curtains drawn then I can’t see the old lady standing next to my bed. I don’t like her watching me’ — Sue Smart (@MrsS_Smart) March 1, 2020
2.
7: I saw a bat in the house last night.
Me: Really, where?
7: It flew in my room and then down the stairs.
Me: Wow, were you scared?
7: No, it said it wasn't a problem until it grows its other wings.
Me: Cool, here's your coat time for a sleepover at Gramma's forever. — Jon Sawatsky 🐉✏ (@JonSawatsky) March 1, 2020
3.
Family trip to war museum: 6: Dad did you see the man?
Me: What man?
6: The man in the plane.
4: The man with the blood on his face!
Me: *looks around. None of the planes have mannequins in.*
6: Its the blood man!
6,4,2: THE BLOOD MAN THE BLOOD MAN — Stephen Collins (@stephen_collins) March 1, 2020
4.
Well so my Grandma gifted me her car, and then a few years later she passed away. My son didn’t know this and asked me why the old lady was crying. I asked what old lady? He said the one in the car….my car. The one my Grandma gave me. — Christa (@mynameischrysta) March 1, 2020
5.
My 5yo: Don't die mommy
Me: I wasn't planning on, babe.
My 5yo: It already happened before
Me: ?
5yo: Before you were my mommy ALRIGHT SON LET'S JUST GO COLOR OR SOMETHING — Ashli | Bramblecraft Bonewitch (@Mama_Ghuleh) March 1, 2020
6.
My 3 yo asked if she could get a canopy to protect her from the horned lady. The picture she drew of her was terrifying. — Carrie Firestone (@CLLFirestone) March 1, 2020
7.
My 3yo has toy cell phone conversations with “Grandpa.” Except she hasn’t ever known one, because both my dad and father-in-law are deceased. She only has my stepdad, distinctly called Papa Duck. Oh, and we live in the house where my father-in-law passed away in 2003. — Elizabeth is fine. (@neverliz) March 1, 2020
8.
A friend & her husband bought a very old, historical house. They were in the process of restoring it when her then 4 year old told her there was a voice in the ceiling that would speak to her. — Melissa (@MelissaAnne_78) March 1, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-02--The guys behind “If humans acted like dogs” should take a bow

Australian comedy duo , Marty and Michael , make mini sketches , often featuring highly risky behaviour , such as @ @ @ @ @ board or holding a hand on a dart board while it ’ s being used @ @ @ @ @ , however , simply recreates what the world would be like if humans acted like @ @ @ @ @ s perfect .
TikTok users appreciated it as much as we do .
Where can @ @ @ @ @ ?
This police dog handler speaks fluent German shepherd – and it ’ s just @

Videos
Australian comedy duo, Marty and Michael, make mini sketches, often featuring highly risky behaviour, such as surfing downstairs on an ironing board or holding a hand on a dart board while it’s being used.
Their latest TikTok vid, however, simply recreates what the world would be like if humans acted like dogs – and it’s perfect.
TikTok users appreciated it as much as we do.
This comment was sadly feasible.
Where can we buy a country-sized muzzle?
READ MORE
This police dog handler speaks fluent German shepherd – and it’s just glorious
Source Marty and Michael Image Marty and Michael


thepoke--2020-03-02--A vegan destroyed other vegans over animal rights and the updates made it even better

If you ’ re familiar with the subreddit , Murdered By Words , you ’ ll have seen some entertainingly @ @ @ @ @ opposing sides of major issues , like the value of vaccination , or the facts @ @ @ @ @ ’ s a little more rare to see people on the same side of the @ @ @ @ @ but that ’ s what happened with this repost from a protected account , u/matike @ @ @ @ @ screengrab , shared by u/sesameseedfan , showing the aftermath of vegan-on-vegan verbal violence .
It @ @ @ @ @ you think cats and dogs can be fed vegan alternatives to meat or not , @ @ @ @ @ hat off for the sheer heat in that burn , but the updates made it @ @ @ @ @ were very much down with the murder .
Good gravy the effort it must have @ @ @ @ @ inflammatory remark OP was responding to could very easily have gone into googling “ are @ @ @ @ @ vegan bride banned meat-eating ‘ murderers ’ from her wedding and ended up slaughtered

Pics
If you’re familiar with the subreddit, Murdered By Words, you’ll have seen some entertainingly savage owns, often between opposing sides of major issues, like the value of vaccination, or the facts around climate change.
It’s a little more rare to see people on the same side of the argument battling it out, but that’s what happened with this repost from a protected account, u/matike.
Here’s the screengrab, shared by u/sesameseedfan, showing the aftermath of vegan-on-vegan verbal violence. It’s NSFW.
Whether you think cats and dogs can be fed vegan alternatives to meat or not, you have to take your hat off for the sheer heat in that burn, but the updates made it so much better.
Update 1:
Update 2:
Redditors were very much down with the murder.
The second edit is art itself.
4KbShort
Poetry at its finest. The “Shut Up” is perfectly placed.
mke2clt
Good gravy the effort it must have taken to type out whatever inflammatory remark OP was responding to could very easily have gone into googling “are hippos omnivores”
AdvocateSaint
“Nuh uh, we taught a lion to eat tofu” “coughs”
Cyberhaggis
Reddit user, DraconicSpeed, wasn’t convinced that “murder” covered it.
“Dude this isn’t murder this is genocide.“
READ MORE
A vegan bride banned meat-eating ‘murderers’ from her wedding and ended up slaughtered
Source r/MurderedByWords Image r/MurderedByWords, @paultrienekens on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-02--Jeff Bezos’s wealth represented by rice is blowing people’s minds

Personal Finance expert and TikToker , Humphrey , shares a video on the subject each day , and one of @ @ @ @ @ gone viral as it makes it easier to understand the sheer scale of the wealth @ @ @ @ @ .
Both Humphrey and Caitlin Duffy shared the clip on Twitter , where it picked @ @ @ @ @ between them in just a couple of days .
The difference between rich and filthy @ @ @ @ @ s minds .
$ 150bn man Jeff Bezos is the richest person ever and this @ @ @ @ @ their heads round it

Videos
Personal Finance expert and TikToker, Humphrey, shares a video on the subject each day, and one of his most recent offerings has gone viral as it makes it easier to understand the sheer scale of the wealth of the one per cent.
Both Humphrey and Caitlin Duffy shared the clip on Twitter, where it picked up over eleven million views between them in just a couple of days.
Rice. Part two: Jeff Bezos net worth represented visually by rice. pic.twitter.com/kYIoyxLgMW — Humphrey (@Humphreytalks) February 28, 2020
These teens on TikTok are out here doing the lord’s work. pic.twitter.com/KzGKGqR0w2 — Caitlin Duffy (@cait_duffy) February 28, 2020
The difference between rich and filthy rich absolutely blew people’s minds.
Humans intuitively are really bad at visualizing a billion vs million. This dude just gave the BEST visualization I've ever seen. New meaning to eat the rich!! Billionaire sympathizers unfollow https://t.co/YyRuyLCJdm — (@queenjoheen) February 28, 2020
Never, ever, ever tell me we can’t afford to slightly tax billionaires to cancel student loan debt. https://t.co/ypI4BUkoq2 — Brianna Wu (@BriannaWu) February 28, 2020
I'm a fucking Capricorn so I don't play when it comes to hard work and reward… but idc WHY would anyone want to selfishly keep all of that money. Idc how hard you worked. This actually made me sick. https://t.co/FBGcPciqf8 — (@nubiantarot) February 28, 2020
This should be required viewing for anyone still opposed to a wealth tax: https://t.co/7sxoi65yWN — Tuxedo Mask (@TheLoveBel0w) February 28, 2020
Illustrator @kynthekyd posted this highly relatable comment.
i can’t sleep bc i know that one grain of rice would literally change my life https://t.co/f7U6zZYbIm — kyn doll (@kynthekyd) February 28, 2020
Anyone fancy a paella?
READ MORE
$150bn man Jeff Bezos is the richest person ever and this is how people are getting their heads round it
Source @humphreytalks Image @humphreytalks


thepoke--2020-03-02--Our 11 favourite reactions to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds’ baby announcement

The worst-kept secret in politics since Dominic Cummings became Prime Minister was finally revealed at the weekend , as Boris @ @ @ @ @ Carrie Symonds , made a very personal announcement .
As the Telegraph and a lot @ @ @ @ @ over themselves to congratulate the pair , much of Twitter had a different view of @ @ @ @ @ wondered what number baby this might be for the fecund Johnson .
While others thought @ @ @ @ @ was highly convenient as a distraction .

News
The worst-kept secret in politics since Dominic Cummings became Prime Minister was finally revealed at the weekend, as Boris Johnson and his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, made a very personal announcement.
PM Boris Johnson and partner Carrie Symonds are expecting a baby in early summer and are engaged, couple announce https://t.co/79HP3jJcNY — BBC Breaking News (@BBCBreaking) February 29, 2020
As the Telegraph and a lot of C-list Conservative MPs fell over themselves to congratulate the pair, much of Twitter had a different view of the news.
Many people wondered what number baby this might be for the fecund Johnson.
1.
Congratulations to Boris Johnson on his 4th, 8th or 17th child. — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) February 29, 2020
2.
in London you are actually never more than 5 feet away from something with Boris Johnson’s DNA in it — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) February 29, 2020
While others thought the timing of the announcement was highly convenient as a distraction.
3.
I am sure just a total coincidence but certainly convenient that the home office perm sec’s angry divorce from government is now fighting with the PM’s marriage and imminent baby for front page coverage — Robert Peston (@Peston) February 29, 2020
4.
If you’re thinking “boy he’s wasted a trump card announcing a birth to distract from the Priti Patel thing” you’re forgetting he’s probably got around 5 more birth announcements he can crack out at short notice — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 29, 2020
5.
Feeling a little glum about Liverpool finally losing. Thank God Boris Johnson is having a baby. That’s really cheered me up. — Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) February 29, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-03-02--Joe Lycett changed his name to Hugo Boss to right a wrong and we really like his style

The comedian formerly known as Joe Lycett has quite a skill for going that extra mile and getting a laugh @ @ @ @ @ There was the time he challenged a parking fine … Or when he persuaded the @ @ @ @ @ open his kitchen .
His latest venture is a TV show for Channel 4 , @ @ @ @ @ Got Your Back , which sees the comedian unveil scams and dodgy practices as he @ @ @ @ @ little guy .
For an upcoming episode , he unearthed this information about German fashion @ @ @ @ @ This was the first part of his response to their unfair targeting of the minnows @ @ @ @ @ Here ’ s a closer look at the document .
It certainly seems official .
@ @ @ @ @ of the plan .
We can ’ t wait to see what the product is @ @ @ @ @ had this to add .
The old Hugo Boss couldn ’ t make the same @ @ @ @ @ honestly .

Weird World
The comedian formerly known as Joe Lycett has quite a skill for going that extra mile and getting a laugh out of the results.
There was the time he challenged a parking fine …
Or when he persuaded the Mayor of Birmingham to officially open his kitchen.
The happiest moment of my pathetic life pic.twitter.com/2rRhraPNpi — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) May 15, 2019
His latest venture is a TV show for Channel 4, entitled Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back, which sees the comedian unveil scams and dodgy practices as he takes the side of the little guy.
For an upcoming episode, he unearthed this information about German fashion house, Hugo Boss.
So @HUGOBOSS (who turnover approx $2.7 billion a year) have sent cease & desist letters to a number of small businesses & charities who use the word 'BOSS' or similar, including a small brewery in Swansea costing them thousands in legal fees and rebranding. (1/2) — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) March 1, 2020
This was the first part of his response to their unfair targeting of the minnows of the business world.
It's clear that @HUGOBOSS HATES people using their name. Unfortunately for them this week I legally changed my name by deed poll and I am now officially known as Hugo Boss. All future statements from me are not from Joe Lycett but from Hugo Boss. Enjoy. (2/2) pic.twitter.com/IlDoCrfmaO — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) March 1, 2020
Here’s a closer look at the document.
It certainly seems official. That is the second part of the plan.
I am pleased to announce that I will be launching a brand new product as Hugo Boss. All will be revealed on the new series of #GotYourBack on @Channel4 — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) March 1, 2020
We can’t wait to see what the product is. The new Hugo Boss had this to add.
Hugo Boss did not historically manufacture uniforms for the Nazis. Sorry, THIS Hugo Boss did not historically manufacture uniforms for the Nazis. — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) March 1, 2020
The old Hugo Boss couldn’t make the same claim – at least not honestly.


thepoke--2020-03-02--This short thread about a chance encounter at a record counter is giving people feelings

This short story in 5 parts by Scott Pack – AKA @ meandmybigmouth on Twitter – delivers quite the punch @ @ @ @ @ You can follow Scott on Twitter here and find his book here .

Popular
This short story in 5 parts by Scott Pack – AKA @meandmybigmouth on Twitter – delivers quite the punch, it really does.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Oof.
How DARE you do that to my feels without warning. — Mannyinnorniron (@mannyinnorniron) February 28, 2020
You should have a warning on this. Its just something in my eye. — John Gillespie (@jwgillespie18) February 29, 2020
Is this really real? Please say it is! ❤😭 — Kirsten Fleetwood (@KirstenFleetwo1) February 28, 2020
Bad news: It is just a short story. Good news: He isn’t really dead! — Scott Pack (@meandmybigmouth) March 2, 2020
You can follow Scott on Twitter here and find his book here.
Source Twitter @meandmybigmouth


thepoke--2020-03-02--‘You don’t know how long it took to make him do this with me’

This TikTok video went wildly viral on Twitter because , well , have a watch for yourself ( it ’ @ @ @ @ @ and it ’ s worth it ) .
People love this sassy German TikTok even @ @ @ @ @ understand it

Videos
This TikTok video went wildly viral on Twitter because, well, have a watch for yourself (it’s only 13 seconds long and it’s worth it).
you don’t know how long it took to make him do this with me 😭 pic.twitter.com/cvR9tkPFRs — Mia King (@miaababy__) February 28, 2020
Boom!
i wanna do this LMAOOOO — princess (@korintheicon) February 29, 2020
He mad as shit 😂😂 — Eve🐍 (@YessBambi) February 29, 2020
😭I thought his chest was real for a second — ☆ (@theeslimereaper) February 29, 2020
READ MORE
People love this sassy German TikTok even if they don’t understand it
Source TikTok @meyuhkingg Twitter @miaababy_


thepoke--2020-03-02--Peter Andre had the best response to that ‘don’t touch me’ coronavirus scare story

You ’ ve probably seen the story doing the rounds today that Peter Andre had issued an edict telling people @ @ @ @ @ take selfies because of fears over coronavirus .
It prompted lots of piss taking as @ @ @ @ @ with photos of a notice purporting to tell his fans to keep their mitts to @ @ @ @ @ the singer ’ s taken to Twitter to put the rumours to rest .
Although @ @ @ @ @ was also very funny and managed to have both his cake and eat it .
@ @ @ @ @ a wind up because I hugged Everyone I met .
People were saying to me @ @ @ @ @ not to touch me and that there were signs.I thought they were joking .
Brilliant @ @ @ @ @ a diva without being a diva .On a serious note though don ’ t touch @ @ @ @ @ hits exactly the right note .

Twitter
You’ve probably seen the story doing the rounds today that Peter Andre had issued an edict telling people not to touch him or take selfies because of fears over coronavirus.
It prompted lots of piss taking as you might imagine, complete with photos of a notice purporting to tell his fans to keep their mitts to themselves.
Woooaahooahoohoahoooh, mysterious girl I want you to maintain your fucking distance pic.twitter.com/EJwIIyhLqI — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 2, 2020
Peter Andre has a stronger coronavirus policy than our government #coronavirusuk pic.twitter.com/yVVWA4pXfJ — Liam (@LiamIngram7) March 2, 2020
Anyway, now the singer’s taken to Twitter to put the rumours to rest. Although the way he did it was also very funny and managed to have both his cake and eat it.
Ok this must be a wind up because I hugged Everyone I met. People were saying to me that they had been told not to touch me and that there were signs.I thought they were joking. Brilliant. I am now officially a diva without being a diva .On a serious note though don’t touch me 😂 pic.twitter.com/uLm1HeM7Re — Peter Andre (@MrPeterAndre) March 2, 2020
‘Ok this must be a wind up because I hugged Everyone I met. People were saying to me that they had been told not to touch me and that there were signs.I thought they were joking. Brilliant. I am now officially a diva without being a diva .On a serious note though don’t touch me 😂’
Yep, hits exactly the right note.
Very classy response. Deserves a bit more attention. https://t.co/99Oquy9VBe — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 2, 2020
READ MORE
Peter Andre’s alleged coronavirus precautions caused an outbreak of pisstaking


thepoke--2020-03-02--The takedown of this guy trolling NASA’s Mars exploration was out of this world

An early contender for takedown of the week comes courtesy of this chap called James who , it ’ s fair to say , isn ’ t overly keen on NASA bothering to explore Mars .
Or any other planet apart from our own , presumably .
But another guy called Jens begged to differ .
Just in case that ’ s tricky to read … Jens The money doesn ’ t get sent to Mars , idiot .
It gets spent and put back into the economy .
Just because the government isn ’ t hand feeding it to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it left America .
Jens If we removed the church from tax exemption we ’ d have enough money to send a rover to Mars once every two weeks , forever Jens Not to mention it only cost 2.5 billion , which is what the US military spends every 33 hours and we spend 7 billion on potato chips a year .
That was presumably enough to send him into orbit .
And just in case he was still in doubt .
This letter apparently from NASA from a dude offering “ a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ funny

Popular
An early contender for takedown of the week comes courtesy of this chap called James who, it’s fair to say, isn’t overly keen on NASA bothering to explore Mars. Or any other planet apart from our own, presumably.
But another guy called Jens begged to differ.
Just in case that’s tricky to read …
Jens The money doesn’t get sent to Mars, idiot. It gets spent and put back into the economy. Just because the government isn’t hand feeding it to you, that doesn’t mean it left America. Jens If we removed the church from tax exemption we’d have enough money to send a rover to Mars once every two weeks, forever Jens Not to mention it only cost 2.5 billion, which is what the US military spends every 33 hours and we spend 7 billion on potato chips a year.
That was presumably enough to send him into orbit. And just in case he was still in doubt.
‘For every dollar NASA receives, it reportedly returns $7 to $21 back to the American public‘ tebla ‘Your honour, on the charge of murder by math we find the defendant guilty.’ I_are_facepalm
READ MORE
This letter apparently from NASA from a dude offering “a breakthrough in awesome spacerockets” is very funny
Source Reddit u/WITCHFlNDER-GENERAL u/JustNotHardcoreBoiii


thepoke--2020-03-02--Takedown of the (Leap) Day

Takedown of the (Leap) Day

Never let it be said that astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn ’ t have a flair for this sort of @ @ @ @ @ takedown until , well , 2024 , presumably .
This takedown of Neil deGrasse Tyson @ @ @ @ @ Frozen ’ was ice cold AND STILL MORE Neil deGrasse Tyson compared US gun massacres @ @ @ @ @ ‘ flu – 7 perfect takedowns

Twitter
Never let it be said that astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn’t have a flair for this sort of thing. Best leap year-related takedown until, well, 2024, presumably.
READ MORE
This takedown of Neil deGrasse Tyson’s thoughts on ‘Frozen’ was ice cold
AND STILL MORE
Neil deGrasse Tyson compared US gun massacres to car accidents and the ‘flu – 7 perfect takedowns


thepoke--2020-03-02--Someone recognised their grandparents in this Sunday Sport coronavirus story and it just got better

Someone recognised their grandparents in this Sunday Sport coronavirus story and it just got better and better

This Sunday Sport story about a couple of ‘ holidaymakers ’ who were busted trying to escape their coronavirus-hit hotel by the tan lines left by their face masks was already a classic of its type .
‘ Don ’ t interrupt me for a while , I really need to concentrate on this , ’ said @ RoylePin over on Twitter .
‘ Fed up with being confined to their hotel because of a coronavirus scare , Ted and Marcia Phelps made a daring escape bid and headed for Tenerife Airport … and home .
‘ But the couple @ @ @ @ @ @ @ airport security saw evidence they had been at the doomed Costa Adeje Palace Hotel – the white bits on they faces where they ’ d been wearing MASKS while sunbathing.
’ If the whole thing ’ s a little bit too much to read , here ’ s the essential bit of text .
Anyway , it was elevated to a whole new level when someone recognised the couple .
And – hard to believe we know – something didn ’ t quite ring true .
17 Sunday Sport headlines so ridiculous that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ actually

Popular
This Sunday Sport story about a couple of ‘holidaymakers’ who were busted trying to escape their coronavirus-hit hotel by the tan lines left by their face masks was already a classic of its type.
‘Don’t interrupt me for a while, I really need to concentrate on this,’ said @RoylePin over on Twitter.
Here’s how it starts.
‘Fed up with being confined to their hotel because of a coronavirus scare, Ted and Marcia Phelps made a daring escape bid and headed for Tenerife Airport … and home. ‘But the couple’s plans were scuppered when eagle-eyed airport security saw evidence they had been at the doomed Costa Adeje Palace Hotel – the white bits on they faces where they’d been wearing MASKS while sunbathing.’
If the whole thing’s a little bit too much to read, here’s the essential bit of text.
(And picture …)
Anyway, it was elevated to a whole new level when someone recognised the couple. And – hard to believe we know – something didn’t quite ring true.
Top notch journalism from @thesundaysport here. Except this is an old photo of my Nanny & Grandad (taken in California), with fake names, a fake story and photoshopped faces. Nan is delighted she passes for 69 though. https://t.co/QfUoIfWAtT — Sammy Lazarus (@iamsammylazarus) February 29, 2020
Hey @thesundaysport, can your graphic designer get in touch? Nanny is going to a bar mitzvah next weekend and needs her fake tan doing. pic.twitter.com/yvlKKvOmla — Sammy Lazarus (@iamsammylazarus) March 1, 2020
I've always wondered how they get away of using photographs of real people in the fake stories. Who had copyright of the picture?! — Cat Phillips (@Cat_Phillips) March 1, 2020
The sad thing is, there are people who will read that and believe every word. — Gareth Ravenhill (@GarethRavenhill) March 1, 2020
Yeah the comments underneath the article are amazing! — Sammy Lazarus (@iamsammylazarus) March 1, 2020
In the face of a real epidemic (you know, where ordinary folks DIE), a bloody newspaper could only come up with this? This is beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel. — Mary Jo Escano (@Kopikido) March 1, 2020
Yes. Scraping the bottom of the barrel would be a huge step up for us. — Sunday Sport (@thesundaysport) March 2, 2020
READ MORE
17 Sunday Sport headlines so ridiculous that you’ll chortle quite a bit actually
Source Twitter @iamsammylazarus


thepoke--2020-03-03--Simply 13 Happy Birthday alternatives to sing whilst washing your hands for 20 seconds

We don ’ t mind washing our hands for 20 seconds , it ’ s the bit about singing Happy @ @ @ @ @ grate , say , six months into this thing .
So we ’ re especially @ @ @ @ @ coming up with this list of alternative tunes to sing which also last the requisite @ @ @ @ @ And by the looks of all those likes and retweets , we weren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ it .
So here they all are .
And lots of people piled in with @ @ @ @ @ became even more joyful .
And just in case you were wondering .

Twitter
We don’t mind washing our hands for 20 seconds, it’s the bit about singing Happy Birthday that might begin to grate, say, six months into this coronavirus thing.
So we’re especially grateful to @JenMonnier for coming up with this list of alternative tunes to sing which also last the requisite 20 seconds or so.
You're supposed to wash your hands for 20 sec, which is the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice. But I'm tired of singing Happy Birthday and you probably are too, so I've done the very important public service of compiling other songs with roughly 20 sec choruses to sing: — Jen Monnier (@JenMonnier) March 2, 2020
And by the looks of all those likes and retweets, we weren’t the only ones to appreciate it. So here they all are.
1. Love on Top (Beyonce)https://t.co/7ax4Ya172v — Jen Monnier (@JenMonnier) March 2, 2020
And lots of people piled in with their own suggestions and it became even more joyful.
"Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees has a chorus that is 24 seconds long, and ALSO doubles as the cadence for doing CPR massage. One song, two vital health uses! — Tom Forsyth (@tom_forsyth) March 2, 2020
The other usual CPR contender is Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" – HOWEVER the chorus is only 17 seconds, so the Bee Gees win this one. Nellie The Elephant comes in at a useless 14 seconds. Avoid. — Tom Forsyth (@tom_forsyth) March 2, 2020
I'm gonna start singing "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had" everytime now pic.twitter.com/ABN5B1n9V8 — Danny O Brien 📻⚽🏉📖 (@DannyEdoBrien) March 2, 2020
Never Gonna Give You Up. The chorus is about 17 seconds, so add a couple of background “Never go as give” to the end to make it 20. This thread was ripe for rickrolling. — Leanne Walker (@walkerva) March 2, 2020
Mr. Brightside by The Killers (22 seconds) also works well. — Tim: An Author-like Creature (@thattinywebsite) March 2, 2020
This land is your land, this land is my land
From the California to the New York island
From the Redwood Forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me — Martha Bellisle (@marthabellisle) March 2, 2020
The opening signature tune of #TheArchers is also 20 seconds long. And the correct tempo for administering CPR. That’s public service broadcasting for you… https://t.co/HTTFYz81fL — keridavies (@keridavies) March 2, 2020
I’m extra careful and go with Stairway to Heaven. — Greg Durrett (@gdurrett) March 2, 2020
And just in case you were wondering.
Can people not count to 20? — Mick Sweetman (@MickSweetman) March 2, 2020
Yes, and very fast. That's kinda the problem. — aliza (is on hiatus till wednesday) (@NomDeWho) March 2, 2020
To conclude …
This is the type of public health messaging we need. https://t.co/Mfyi4I5QTI — Shana Gadarian (@sgadarian) March 2, 2020
And this!
Congratulations – you are the new head of the Department of Health and Human Services. — Kevin – not that Kevin (@Ovasi) March 2, 2020
Source Twitter @JenMonnier


thepoke--2020-03-03--4 perfect takedowns of the guy who wanted Marvel to do history instead of fantasy

Marvel ’ s Black Panther is widely considered to be a groundbreaking piece of cinema in terms of black culture , with a largely black cast , including powerful roles for women and a society-wide appeal .
The film broke box-office records , was nominated for several Oscars , and won three .
It is , however , very obviously a fantasy film , based on Marvel comics and aimed at the entertainment market , rather than being educational .
One man wasn ’ t happy with those production choices – he was after a history documentary , by the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s not Marvel ’ s bag .
There ’ s room for both of those things , just not from Marvel .
These four people had a point to make , and they made it well .
Spiderman with an actual arachnid sounds like something the Hammer team would have gone for in 1976 – with Peter Cushing as the only man with a big enough glass to catch him .
Here ’ s how Redditors reacted to the four coordinated burns .
Superman – should ’ ve been about a man taking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his moral basis , making his own rather than blindly following one that has been laid out for him by others .
That ’ s probably more about billionaires than superheroes .
The US Department of Agriculture listed Wakanda as a trade partner – 12 Marvellous reactions

Pics
Marvel’s Black Panther is widely considered to be a groundbreaking piece of cinema in terms of black culture, with a largely black cast, including powerful roles for women and a society-wide appeal.
The film broke box-office records, was nominated for several Oscars, and won three. It is, however, very obviously a fantasy film, based on Marvel comics and aimed at the entertainment market, rather than being educational.
One man wasn’t happy with those production choices – he was after a history documentary, by the look of things, and that’s not Marvel’s bag.
There’s room for both of those things, just not from Marvel.
These four people had a point to make, and they made it well.
Spiderman with an actual arachnid sounds like something the Hammer team would have gone for in 1976 – with Peter Cushing as the only man with a big enough glass to catch him.
Here’s how Redditors reacted to the four coordinated burns.
Nebula should’ve been clouds of gas in space
MrSemiFunny
Bruh. Did you know, the Wolf of Wall Street has nothing to do with a wolf living in a street full of walls.
TheLegendDaddy27
Not a single person named Shaw gets shanked in Shawshank Redemption.
corvettee01
Just wait until you hear about Batman
bitofafuckup
Cyclops has two eyes
KungFooGrip
The nazis misrepresented Nietzsches philosophy, there’s no need for you to do the same.
Micp
Superman – should’ve been about a man taking control of his life and actively consider his moral basis, making his own rather than blindly following one that has been laid out for him by others.
SuffolkYourself had a question.
Why didn’t Iron Man do any ironing?
That’s probably more about billionaires than superheroes.
READ MORE
The US Department of Agriculture listed Wakanda as a trade partner – 12 Marvellous reactions
Source r/MurderedByWords Image r/MurderedByWords, Marvel screengrab


thepoke--2020-03-03--The Telegraph said the UK’s EU negotiators enjoyed a ‘patriotic’ English breakfast – 9 delicious res

The Telegraph said the UK’s EU negotiators enjoyed a ‘patriotic’ English breakfast – 9 delicious responses

Now that Boris Johnson ’ s got Brexit done , all that remains is to actually sort out the day @ @ @ @ @ basically , everything .
And it was with great excitement how the Daily Telegraph reported @ @ @ @ @ team of negotiations enjoyed a ‘ patriotic ’ English breakfast before going into battle , @ @ @ @ @ EU .
And it ’ s fair to say it prompted quite a bit of @ @ @ @ @ how a breakfast could be patriotic and , you know , how English an English @ @ @ @ @ are our 9 favourite replies .
A former UKIP MEP said hens ‘ invented eggs @ @ @ @ @ English breakfasts and the internet cracked

Twitter
Now that Boris Johnson’s got Brexit done, all that remains is to actually sort out the day to day detail of, basically, everything.
And it was with great excitement how the Daily Telegraph reported that the UK’s team of negotiations enjoyed a ‘patriotic’ English breakfast before going into battle, sorry, talks with the EU.
David Frost enjoyed a delicious patriotic breakfast of sausages, baked beans, bacon and eggs before leading a team of 100 UK officials into negotiations https://t.co/K6zlF0Jd8m — The Telegraph (@Telegraph) March 2, 2020
And it’s fair to say it prompted quite a bit of debate among people who wondered how a breakfast could be patriotic and, you know, how English an English breakfast is anyway.
Here are our 9 favourite replies.
1.
I once made the mistake of heading into a negotiation powered only by a seditious petit-déjeuner. I'm not allowed to disclose exactly what happened but suffice it to say things didn't go as planned and New Zealand is now an independent country or something. https://t.co/CE3oUG9ueg — Dmitry Grozoubinski (@DmitryOpines) March 2, 2020
2.
It’s this sort of playground idiocy that just confirms that the British side have no idea what they’re up against. — Richard Bentall #FBPE Project We Told You So. (@RichardBentall) March 2, 2020
3.
A ‘patriotic breakfast’?
Sausages were invented by Sumerians circa 3000BC; all beans used in baked beans are native to South America; pork was first salted in ancient China & hens were first domesticated in ancient Egypt. ‘Patriotic’
What an awful joke Brexit is making of the UK. https://t.co/DA1Trgwdw8 — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 2, 2020
4.
I had patriotic marmite today but I had it on unpatriotic bagels does that cancel it out? – this patriotism stuff is complicated — Peter Sutton (@Suttope) March 3, 2020
5.
Others will correct me, but I thought chicken domestication was in early Holocene China — Dan Hicks (@profdanhicks) March 3, 2020
6.
Ah, the Full English! Breakfast of champions! Those croissant-munching Eurocrats won’t stand a chance in negotiations! — Mark Vipond (@markvipond) March 2, 2020
7.
I had croissant and yoghurt for breakfast, which will no doubt confirm some of my former colleagues' view of me. Hopelessly naive of me but any chance we could focus on the jobs and security that are at stake in these negotiations, not what our negotiator had for breakfast? https://t.co/9qN1S6vcb3 — Gavin Barwell (@GavinBarwell) March 3, 2020
8.
At risk of over-egging #breakfastgate, it is oddly illustrative of a bigger picture. A bunch of people mock the objectively ludicrous notion that a breakfast can be 'patriotic'. The mocked, meanwhile, furiously claim that it's everyone else who's furious.
The silly sausages. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 3, 2020
9.
https://twitter.com/tfoale/status/1234568828094439424?s=20
READ MORE
A former UKIP MEP said hens ‘invented eggs’ in a row over English breakfasts and the internet cracked
Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-03-03--A former UKIP MEP said hens ‘invented eggs’ in a row over English breakfasts and the internet cracke

A former UKIP MEP said hens ‘invented eggs’ in a row over English breakfasts and the internet cracked

It all began when the Daily Telegraph proudly highlighted the ‘ patriotic breakfast ’ enjoyed by the UK ’ s @ @ @ @ @ going in to try to secure a half-decent future trading relationship with the EU .
@ @ @ @ @ breakfast could be ‘ patriotic ’ struck people as a little odd .
People like @ @ @ @ @ , for instance , who got to wondering how English an English breakfast is anyway @ @ @ @ @ really kicked off .
Not least with former UKIP MEP Roger Helmer , who was @ @ @ @ @ English breakfast could be anything less than , well , totally 100 % bloody English @ @ @ @ @ this point that the internet truly cracked .
O ’ Brien wasn ’ t letting @ @ @ @ @ got better and better .

Twitter
It all began when the Daily Telegraph proudly highlighted the ‘patriotic breakfast’ enjoyed by the UK’s crack team of negotiators before going in to try to secure a half-decent future trading relationship with the EU.
David Frost enjoyed a delicious patriotic breakfast of sausages, baked beans, bacon and eggs before leading a team of 100 UK officials into negotiations https://t.co/K6zlF0Jd8m — The Telegraph (@Telegraph) March 2, 2020
And the idea that a breakfast could be ‘patriotic’ struck people as a little odd. People like presenter James O’Brien, for instance, who got to wondering how English an English breakfast is anyway.
A ‘patriotic breakfast’?
Sausages were invented by Sumerians circa 3000BC; all beans used in baked beans are native to South America; pork was first salted in ancient China & hens were first domesticated in ancient Egypt. ‘Patriotic’
What an awful joke Brexit is making of the UK. https://t.co/DA1Trgwdw8 — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 2, 2020
Which is when things really hotted up. Not least former UKIP MEP Roger Helmer, who was furious at the idea that an English breakfast could be anything less than, well, totally 100% bloody English.
What an idiot James O’Brien is! Sumerians invented sausages? So what? Hens invented eggs. But it doesn’t stop a traditional English breakfast being a traditional English breakfast (and try googling “British inventions”, while you’re at it). https://t.co/5wYcd77oLh — Roger Helmer (@RogerHelmerMEP) March 3, 2020
And it was at this point that the internet truly cracked.
Breaking egg news – hens invented them. https://t.co/VKZdgPk7By — Otto English (@Otto_English) March 3, 2020
"Hens invented eggs"
What a sad loss it is that we are no longer represented in the EU Parliament by intellectual giants like UKIP's Roger Helmer. #HensInventedEggs https://t.co/ALwl1j1KTA — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 3, 2020
Actually dinosaurs had eggs way before hens existed… You should remember, you we're there… — Hans-Erik Iken (@HansErikIken) March 3, 2020
Bloody mammals, coming over to Pangea — Coolidge Effect (@Coolidge_Effect) March 3, 2020
I want “Hens invented eggs” on an egg cup. https://t.co/1EoGj5vFJL — Sali Hughes (@salihughes) March 3, 2020
“On Jazz Club this week we bring you Roger Helmer on mouth organ, naturally, with an original new arrangement of his haunting opus ‘Hens Invented Eggs.’ Gggggreat.“ pic.twitter.com/kfMGQR9dbf — Balderdash (@notDcfcBoss) March 3, 2020
No… eggs invented hens. — apeirogonal apama (@digitaldeath) March 3, 2020
"Hens invented eggs" – do you dress yourself? https://t.co/IlW2cUtY9i — Dom Joly (@domjoly) March 3, 2020
Seriously though. If I *was* a hen, the last thing I’d invent would be an egg. Has to smart on the way out. — Luke Vandore-Mackay (@LukeMackayCooks) March 3, 2020
“HENS INVENTED EGGS” hahahahahahaha https://t.co/VpHkYXu83Y — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) March 3, 2020
O’Brien wasn’t letting it lie and it just got better and better.
On the show today, at what point do *you* think your breakfast becomes properly ‘patriotic’? Do you, for example, believe that it needs to include gammon? All welcome!
0345 6060973 — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) March 3, 2020
To conclude, this.
"Hens invented eggs" is today's "You're shouting at tea, Sue". — Stu. (@dysondoc) March 3, 2020
READ MORE
The Telegraph said the UK’s EU negotiators enjoyed a ‘patriotic’ English breakfast – 9 delicious responses
Images Twitter


thepoke--2020-03-03--The priorities in this child’s “heartbreak” list make interesting reading

Over on Reddit , someone named Cameron Jones has shared a list they made as a child , detailing ten @ @ @ @ @ their young heart .
Here ’ s how that went .
In case that ’ @ @ @ @ @ is what it says : There ’ s a lot of potential heartbreak there , @ @ @ @ @ priorities .
For instance , we can ’ t help but notice that the Simpsons @ @ @ @ @ Cameron ’ s own death and the destruction of the planet .
Reddit users were @ @ @ @ @ the order of the list .
This comment gets an upvote from us .
We @ @ @ @ @ t have to go through too many of those – though we don ’ t @ @ @ @ @ dog .
These messages from primary schoolchildren to 40-year-olds are hilariously alarming

Pics
Over on Reddit, someone named Cameron Jones has shared a list they made as a child, detailing ten things that would have broken their young heart.
Here’s how that went.
In case that’s not clear, this is what it says:
1. Parents divorced 2. Parents die 3. Grandmas die 4. Grandpas die 5. Dog died 6. No more Simpsons 7. No more recess 8. I die 9. no more candy 10. no earth
There’s a lot of potential heartbreak there, as well as some odd priorities. For instance, we can’t help but notice that the Simpsons being cancelled ranks higher than Cameron’s own death and the destruction of the planet.
Reddit users were also a bit unsure about the order of the list.
This comment gets an upvote from us.
We hope young Cameron didn’t have to go through too many of those – though we don’t have high hopes for the dog.
READ MORE
These messages from primary schoolchildren to 40-year-olds are hilariously alarming
Source r/KidsAreFuckingStupid Image r/KidsAreFuckingStupid, @nathanhanna on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-03--17 accidentally NSFW search terms that are a cautionary tale for the internet age

They used to warn people never to look at the bottom of the internet , and it ’ s pretty @ @ @ @ @ with one wrong search term , the bottom of the internet can float right to @ @ @ @ @ had to put his superhuman parental reactions to good use , recently , over one @ @ @ @ @ Harvey ’ s near-miss reminded a lot of people of their own unfortunate internet searches @ @ @ @ @ these .

Twitter
They used to warn people never to look at the bottom of the internet, and it’s pretty good advice. Unfortunately, with one wrong search term, the bottom of the internet can float right to the top.
Nick Harvey had to put his superhuman parental reactions to good use, recently, over one such search term.
My eight year old just tried to google Bear Grylls but it autocorrected to Bare Girls and oh god I’ve never slammed a laptop shut so quickly in all my life. — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) February 27, 2020
Mini Harvey’s near-miss reminded a lot of people of their own unfortunate internet searches, and we really loved these.
1.
My office wanted to buy a huge inflatable Eiffel Tower to put on a colleagues desk who HATED the French…I know 🤷…anyway, I had to firmly lay my hand over my bosses, with a "Don't do that" as she excitedly typed out Blow Up Eiffel Tower. — Rachel Fleet (@RachelFleet4) February 28, 2020
2.
My little girl was researching her favourite Character from X-Men and typed Huge Jack the man, I’ve never moved so quick in my life. — Rachel Costello (@n3stofvip3rs) February 27, 2020
3.
At work I wanted to demonstrate how close-matched URLs are bought so that mis-typed entries resolve to the correct website.
I randomly chose https://t.co/qqrVhtEyxa. It turns out that Microsoft didn’t own that one. — Dave Marchant (@Marchad1) February 27, 2020
4.
A friend of ours little girl wanted to make an easter card and searched for 'little fat chicks' – it wasnt fluffy yellow things that appeared 🙈 — Emma S💛💙 (@emmaslufc) February 27, 2020
5.
We needed new stools in kitchen. Had to be tall and slim. I googled “thin stools” and hit image page 🤢 — Robert Wright (@robmwright) February 28, 2020
6.
When teaching the three little bears I discovered that searching for images in school of Mummy or Baby bear is fine but Daddy bear should be met with grave caution. — Tigz (@Mr_Tigz) February 28, 2020
7.
My parents were getting their driveway done and my mum searched for 'free hardcore'. — Daniel Ellis (@dj3llis) February 27, 2020
8.
Never mis type Dr Foster as Dr Fister when you're looking up nursery rhymes . That's all I'm going to say on the subject. — ☆💫Empress of the Void 💫☆ (@HRH_Mh) February 28, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-03--This teenager had the best response when his dad confiscated his phone

With most teenagers living such a connected life , confiscating a phone has to be one of the most effective @ @ @ @ @ available to a parent .
When u/aworsh ’ s husband confiscated their 13-year-old son ’ @ @ @ @ @ the knife a little further with this taunting image .
Young Xander let his feelings @ @ @ @ @ retort .
One commenter , u/ColossalSalt , had this message for the parents .
“ @ @ @ @ @ why you took his phone away .
The fact that you named him Xander should @ @ @ @ @ trials and tribulations of using a phone as a teenager in the ’ 90s

Pics
With most teenagers living such a connected life, confiscating a phone has to be one of the most effective – or cruel – punishments available to a parent.
When u/aworsh’s husband confiscated their 13-year-old son’s phone, he twisted the knife a little further with this taunting image.
Young Xander let his feelings be known with this sublime retort.
Reddit users had thoughts.
I, as the son, would have written this: “new phone. Who dis?”
FerinhaTop
Finally saw one of those folding screens I’ve been hearing about.
davisyoung
He’s going far in life
ohkfossil
Your teenager is more mature than your husband
CTroop
Draws penis on paper. Sends parents dick pic. “Oops wrong text”
123steveyc123
One commenter, u/ColossalSalt, had this message for the parents.
“I don’t know why you took his phone away. The fact that you named him Xander should be punishment enough.”
READ MORE
The trials and tribulations of using a phone as a teenager in the ’90s
Source r/funny Image r/funny, @elliott_drew on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-03--5 stellar takedowns of the suggestion that the Moon Landing caused climate change

There ’ ve been column miles of earnest think pieces written about the reasons for climate change , ranging from @ @ @ @ @ engine , but the main thing is that it ’ s always reasons – plural @ @ @ @ @ letter had a rather more focussed opinion .
To be fair to Keith , the @ @ @ @ @ have helped , but it ’ s certainly going too far to lay it all @ @ @ @ @ event .
His weird take was never going to pass without comment on Twitter , @ @ @ @ @ reactions .
Davey Jones had a very worrying point to add .
8 stylish takedowns @ @ @ @ @ change with vintage Chanel Source Angry People in Local Papers Image Angry People in Local @ @ @ @ @ Unsplash

Weird World
There’ve been column miles of earnest think pieces written about the reasons for climate change, ranging from farting cows to the combustion engine, but the main thing is that it’s always reasons – plural.
The writer of this letter had a rather more focussed opinion.
Keith in the Newbury Weekly News has an opinion. A really terrible opinion. (attn @pointlesslettrs) pic.twitter.com/FwZXmzkC60 — Angry People in Local Newspapers (@angrypiln) February 29, 2020
Here’s the full view.
To be fair to Keith, the Space Race won’t have helped, but it’s certainly going too far to lay it all at the feet of one event.
His weird take was never going to pass without comment on Twitter, and these were our favourite reactions.
1.
Why did Brexit happen? Because we stopped telling idiots that they were idiots. Expert opinion became just another opinion and morons thought they knew everything. pic.twitter.com/x20HIiQ13E — Dave Hadwin #FBPE🇪🇺#RejoinEU🇪🇺#IamEuropean (@HadwinDave) March 1, 2020
2.
Keith, ladies and gentlemen, is as mad as a box of frogs. https://t.co/ugHQdNuaNZ — David QC (@DavidMuttering) February 29, 2020
3.
This is going to really mess with the conspiracy theorists, if the moon landing caused climate change that means the moon landing had to have happened in the first place 🤦♀ https://t.co/l0TY1xg9XE — Allison Morris (@AllisonMorris1) March 1, 2020
4.
Bet you what you like Keith loves a bit of Brexit. Don’t @ me. https://t.co/fKzn5ftZeR — Dr Louise Raw (@LouiseRawAuthor) March 1, 2020
5.
Davey Jones had a very worrying point to add.
Before you dismiss this, consider that Keith has spoken to other people and they say it's possible. https://t.co/zdPPpX2cNj — Davey Jones (@DHBJones) February 29, 2020
It’s clearly lunacy.
READ MORE
8 stylish takedowns of the woman fighting climate change with vintage Chanel
Source Angry People in Local Papers Image Angry People in Local Papers, @historyhd on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-03--Michael Spicer nailed the scenes in the Room Next Door to Trump’s coronavirus update

Wherever there ’ s an idiot engaged in public speaking , there ’ s a reasonable chance of Michael Spicer @ @ @ @ @ them into something much better , like a comedic Womble , with less fur .
@ @ @ @ @ coronavirus speech was clearly fertile ground , because this must surely be one of Michael @ @ @ @ @ Door sketches to date .
Haven ’ t we all got that thing we said @ @ @ @ @ night ?
We are in awe at the simplicity of the insults in these clips @ @ @ @ @ to convey so much derision .
Here are some of the things people had to @ @ @ @ @ To illustrate how convincing Michael ’ s performances are – Can you win a BAFTA @ @ @ @ @ Spicer hilariously imagines the scene in the room next door to Priti Patel

Videos
Wherever there’s an idiot engaged in public speaking, there’s a reasonable chance of Michael Spicer taking their mistakes and turning them into something much better, like a comedic Womble, with less fur.
Donald Trump’s much-mocked coronavirus speech was clearly fertile ground, because this must surely be one of Michael’s funniest Room Next Door sketches to date.
the room next door – President Trump and the Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/LTYYYIYUMi — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 2, 2020
Haven’t we all got that thing we said that keeps us awake at night?
We are in awe at the simplicity of the insults in these clips, that somehow still manage to convey so much derision.
“I was just talking to you, you boiled egg!”
Here are some of the things people had to say about the sketch.
Thank you Michael. I was in the US last week and saw the White House press conference on Corona Virus with POTUS. Thought of you. In our hour of need you are always there…. — Glenn Lyons (@GlennLyons2) March 2, 2020
So great my friend. — Matthew Dowd (@matthewjdowd) March 2, 2020
To illustrate how convincing Michael’s performances are –
The choking on the orange killlllled me. — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) March 2, 2020
Outtake: My wife heard me and called out “are you all right?” — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 2, 2020
Can you win a BAFTA for a sketch?
READ MORE
Michael Spicer hilariously imagines the scene in the room next door to Priti Patel
Source Michael Spicer Image Source Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-03-03--A Brexiter’s breakfast claim left him with egg on his face – the only 6 reactions you need to read

The UK is languishing in its transition period , having legally left the EU , whilst still operating under EU @ @ @ @ @ gears up its efforts to combat the coronavirus , we discovered that the PM has @ @ @ @ @ the EU pandemic warning system because it isn ’ t a priority .
But what @ @ @ @ @ Brexiter had the answer …a cooked breakfast .
The Political Editor and author was inundated @ @ @ @ @ , and his breakfast , with these six more or less covering the range .
@ @ @ @ @ had some facts about the “ full English ” .
Brexit might turn out to @ @ @ @ @ Weight Watchers we didn ’ t know we needed .
One Brexiter ’ s support @ @ @ @ @ simply taking the pee

Twitter
The UK is languishing in its transition period, having legally left the EU, whilst still operating under EU rules.
As the world gears up its efforts to combat the coronavirus, we discovered that the PM has refused to consider remaining in the EU pandemic warning system because it isn’t a priority.
But what is a priority? One Brexiter had the answer …a cooked breakfast.
THIS is what 17.4 million decent, hard-working patriots voted for.
🏴🇬🇧🏴🇬🇧🏴🇬🇧🏴🇬🇧 pic.twitter.com/kiEYWLvIKf — Kristian Niemietz invented the English breakfast (@K_Niemietz) March 1, 2020
The Political Editor and author was inundated with reactions to his claim, and his breakfast, with these six more or less covering the range.
1.
You… You could get this at 'Spoons any day for the past decade. What's wrong with you? https://t.co/jFb53wgZhH — Mike Stuchbery 💀🍷 (@MikeStuchbery_) March 1, 2020
2.
This is the worst fry up I have seen: No sausage
Tomatoes not properly fried
All foods mixed chaotically
No eggy bread/toast
No hash brown 0/10 would send back https://t.co/vm5unj2Bm3 — Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) March 1, 2020
3.
There ye have it they voted for breakfast not brexit 🙄🙄 https://t.co/R3TI7OPH90 — Fíona Ní mhistéil 57% 🐊 (@fionamitchell56) March 1, 2020
4.
Fucked up that the EU was gonna ban breakfast https://t.co/dbVWnAm7Xe — Callie (@Calliethulhu) March 2, 2020
5.
Apparantly 17.4 million people voted to have sausages and black pudding removed from their full-english breakfast. The absolute traitorous bastards https://t.co/IQ6YEBa3hk — [insert name here] (@enduringbrexit) March 1, 2020
6.
So, we get an English breakfast and a blue passport and it only cost £200billion! https://t.co/4OOWRXpTrt — Derek James 🇪🇺#ProEU #RejoinEU #IAmEuropean (@derekjames150) March 2, 2020
Author, Otto English, had some facts about the “full English”.
60% of the bacon eaten in the UK is imported from the EU 80% of the tomatoes likewise 100% of the haricot beans come from outside of the UK Good news is we're self sufficient in eggs. Good luck to the 17.4 million set to pay considerably more https://t.co/tZuvx3r0eU — Otto English (@Otto_English) March 1, 2020
Brexit might turn out to be the 21st-century rival to Weight Watchers we didn’t know we needed.
READ MORE
One Brexiter’s support for Boris Johnson was quite simply taking the pee
Source Kristian Niemietz Image Kristian Niemietz, @thedolapo on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-03--This police query about obscured car number plates took an enjoyably unexpected handbrake turn

Someone had a question for Lincolnshire police about obscured car number plates and it took an enjoyably unexpected handbrake turn @ @ @ @ @ funny , ’ writes Dja3ba over on Reddit .
‘ That went in a direction @ @ @ @ @ but that made it greater.
’ Redking2002 ‘ As an American , I keep reading @ @ @ @ @ Skegness ” over and over again , trying to figure it out.
’ design-responsibly ‘ @ @ @ @ @ and Skegness is the ninth worst travel destination in the world.
’ Stlakes

Twitter
Someone had a question for Lincolnshire police about obscured car number plates and it took an enjoyably unexpected handbrake turn.
‘This is so funny,’ writes Dja3ba over on Reddit.
Policeman, arrest thyself.
‘That went in a direction I wasn’t expecting but that made it greater.’ Redking2002 ‘As an American, I keep reading “Tesco’s in Skegness” over and over again, trying to figure it out.’ design-responsibly ‘Tesco is a supermarket, and Skegness is the ninth worst travel destination in the world.’ Stlakes
READ MORE
Best Police Note Ever
Source Reddit u/Dja3ba


thepoke--2020-03-03--PETA had a theory about coronavirus and the takedown was best served cold

PETA , or the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals , came up with a theory about coronavirus which @ @ @ @ @ d share on Twitter .
Well , we say theory , it ’ s more @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s not really much of an observation .
Anyway , the takedown was @ @ @ @ @ an attempt … to use an anagram to prove their point , ’ writes LV_97 @ @ @ @ @ there was no shortage of other people pointing out the bleedin ’ obvious … … @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
PETA, or the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, came up with a theory about coronavirus which they naturally thought they’d share on Twitter.
Well, we say theory, it’s more of an observation. And it’s not really much of an observation.
Anyway, the takedown was 10/10.
‘There was an attempt … to use an anagram to prove their point,’ writes LV_97 over on Reddit.
And there was no shortage of other people pointing out the bleedin’ obvious …
I support you PETA but this is totally inaccurate and stupid — CHUCHA (@ericagarcia11) February 23, 2020
Do you have any data to support this? If it's true, you'd expect to see clusters of cases among abattoir workers, zoo keepers, farmers etc. — Michael Farley (@mgfarley) February 23, 2020
wut? — Alex H. Kasprak (@alexkasprak) February 23, 2020
… this was their stock reply.
Experts agree that the virus likely began at a “wet market” in China. When we interfere with wildlife or eat meat, we hurt animals AND put fellow humans at risk of getting sick. The UN has also found that 70% of new human diseases originated in animals. Please go vegan! — PETA (@peta) February 24, 2020
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Waterstones just trolled PETA’s ‘animal-friendly idioms’ and it’s glorious
Source Reddit u/LV_97


thepoke--2020-03-03--Mansplainer of the week

Mansplainer of the week

This bride did n't expect to pay for the wedding photographer because they went to school together

Popular
It’s time for mansplainer of the week!
‘Imagine arguing about an article’s contents against the author,’ says renegade667- over on Reddit.
‘“I DON’T CARE IF YOU WROTE IT. I’M RIGHT!”
-Internet trolls’
PosNegTy
READ MORE
A guy tried to mansplain this woman’s height to her and wins mansplainer of the week
Source Reddit u/renegade667-


thepoke--2020-03-03--This bride didn’t expect to pay for the wedding photographer because they went to school together

In today ’ s episode of someone trying to get something for free comes this bride-to-be who was really keen on an old schoolfriend taking her wedding photos .
She was really keen because she thought the fact they went to school together would mean she ’ d get the pictures done for free .
Big mistake .
‘ I didn ’ t think i would have to pay because i knew you in school , ’ writes Dubante_Viro over on Reddit .
And just a few of the things people said about it .
‘ “ But you didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Wtf is wrong with people.
’ ‘ As I ’ ve grown older , I really appreciate people who treat me like this .
Truly .
My mind just goes “ ah , sweet .
One less person I have to pretend to give a shit about if I see them in public.
” Eventually , you are rid of all the chaff and are stuck with only people you would actually enjoy seeing on places and catching up with .
Throw out the chaff.
’ CryoClone A social media influencer tried to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was sublime

Popular
In today’s episode of someone trying to get something for free comes this bride-to-be who was really keen on an old schoolfriend taking her wedding photos.
She was really keen because she thought the fact they went to school together would mean she’d get the pictures done for free. Big mistake.
‘I didn’t think i would have to pay because i knew you in school,’ writes Dubante_Viro over on Reddit.
And just a few of the things people said about it.
‘“But you didn’t charge your sister!” Wtf is wrong with people.’ HarryPottersOwl ‘As I’ve grown older, I really appreciate people who treat me like this. Truly. My mind just goes “ah, sweet. One less person I have to pretend to give a shit about if I see them in public.” Eventually, you are rid of all the chaff and are stuck with only people you would actually enjoy seeing on places and catching up with. Throw out the chaff.’ CryoClone ‘From “Best mates” to “fat bitch” real quick.’ The_Champ99
READ MORE
A social media influencer tried to get free wedding photos and the clapback was sublime
Source Reddit u/Dubante_Viro