thepoke--2020-01-08--This woman went to inordinate lengths to check her boyfriend wasn’t lying (and still didn’t believe

This woman went to inordinate lengths to check her boyfriend wasn’t lying (and still didn’t believe him)

We ’ ve all had occasions when we ’ ve suspected our partner of not being entirely truthful .
Mostly @ @ @ @ @ , occasionally , well , let ’ s not go there .
Anyway , no @ @ @ @ @ ve suspected our partner , we ’ ve never gone to the lengths of this @ @ @ @ @ probably for the best .
This man texts his wife the motivational messages from tampons @ @ @ @ @ the only one possible

Popular
We’ve all had occasions when we’ve suspected our partner of not being entirely truthful. Mostly it’s something trivial, occasionally, well, let’s not go there.
Anyway, no matter how much we’ve suspected our partner, we’ve never gone to the lengths of this woman and it’s probably for the best.
It’s a fair question.
READ MORE
This man texts his wife the motivational messages from tampons and her reply really was the only one possible
Source Reddit u/WaSSuP532


thepoke--2020-01-08--Creepy guy doesn’t like it when the tables are even mildly turned

So much to dislike about this creepy guy , but it ’ s the lack of self-awareness that ’ s @ @ @ @ @ went viral after it was shared by Redditor 42words and went like this .
And @ @ @ @ @ s tricky to read … “ Why is it wrong to be a Peeping Tom @ @ @ @ @ somewhat flattering to women ?
” “ You only say that because you went through @ @ @ @ @ ” This woman gives creepy guys her friend ’ s phone number and he destroys @ @ @

Pics
So much to dislike about this creepy guy, but it’s the lack of self-awareness that’s most striking.
The exchange went viral after it was shared by Redditor 42words and went like this.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
“Why is it wrong to be a Peeping Tom? Isn’t it somewhat flattering to women?” “Let me guess, you’re also a self-proclaimed ‘nice guy” “You only say that because you went through my profile you fucking creep.”
READ MORE
This woman gives creepy guys her friend’s phone number and he destroys them for her
Source Reddit u/42words


thepoke--2020-01-08--‘It’s stupid enough to be real’

‘It’s stupid enough to be real’

Hot contender for facepalm of the week comes this , shared by St0pX on Reddit .
Not going to end @ @ @ @ @ week ( not this one , another one )

Pics
Hot contender for facepalm of the week comes this, shared by St0pX on Reddit.
Not going to end well.
good-coffee: ‘The wheels on the bus do what again?’
READ MORE
Facepalm of the week (not this one, another one)
Source Reddit u/St0pX


thepoke--2020-01-08--Simply the very funny effect of working at Tesco for six months

Funny TikTokker Zaen has shared the startling effect on the way he speaks of working at Tesco for several months @ @ @ @ @ – he could work for London Underground .

Videos
Funny TikTokker Zaen has shared the startling effect on the way he speaks of working at Tesco for several months.
It could be worse – he could work for London Underground.
Source TikTok Image TikTok, YouTube


thepoke--2020-01-08--Dublin has erected a plaque to the guy who slipped on the ice in a viral video

Back on January 8th 2010 , a Dublin news crew caught the moment that a man slipped quite heavily on @ @ @ @ @ the clip of his painful-looking fall went viral .
On the 10th anniversary of the @ @ @ @ @ the incident has been honoured with a plaque marking the spot on Church Street where @ @ @ @ @ Forever to be known as “ The Guy Who Slipped on the Ice ” – @ @ @ @ @ thumbs up by Ronseal – his plaque has been sponsored by Coors Light , although @ @ @ @ @ that his fall was caused by an excess of drink .
We can think of @ @ @ @ @ ’ d like to see similar plaques .

Weird World
Back on January 8th 2010, a Dublin news crew caught the moment that a man slipped quite heavily on an icy pavement, and the clip of his painful-looking fall went viral.
Here’s what happened.
On the 10th anniversary of the very public walking fail, the incident has been honoured with a plaque marking the spot on Church Street where the drama took place.
Forever to be known as “The Guy Who Slipped on the Ice” – a name presumably given the thumbs up by Ronseal – his plaque has been sponsored by Coors Light, although there was never any suggestion that his fall was caused by an excess of drink.
We can think of one or two places we’d like to see similar plaques.
via Gfycat
Just a thought.
Source buzz.ie Image YouTube, Coors Light


thepoke--2020-01-08--We can’t believe this guy fell for his daughter’s prank – but we’re glad he did

With spectacular proof that distance is important , we saw this coming , but the poor guy being pranked didn @ @ @ @ @ love the change of tone as he realises what ’ s happened .
She might @ @ @ @ @ “ grounds for divorce ” .

Videos
With spectacular proof that distance is important, we saw this coming, but the poor guy being pranked didn’t, and we love the change of tone as he realises what’s happened.
People enjoyed @caterinacwoww‘s trick, and posted these admiring comments.
She might have started a trend in “grounds for divorce”.
Source TikTok Image TikTok


thepoke--2020-01-08--A Star Wars fan tried to shame other fans and these were not the tweets he was looking for

Although nobody asked him to , astrophysicist Dr Ed Powell announced to Twitter what he thought made somebody a real @ @ @ @ @ move , known as gatekeeping – which involves trying to erect a metaphorical wall around @ @ @ @ @ t get involved – got people ’ s backs up .
The inevitable mockery came @ @ @

Twitter
Although nobody asked him to, astrophysicist Dr Ed Powell announced to Twitter what he thought made somebody a real Star Wars fan.
via
The move, known as gatekeeping – which involves trying to erect a metaphorical wall around things so others can’t get involved – got people’s backs up.
The inevitable mockery came flooding in.
1.
Reading my books does not make you an Adam Kay fan. Actual Adam Kay fans have done some of the following:
* Sent me £42.5million by PayPal
* Tattooed key chapters of my books onto their torso
* Turned up at my house with a lifesize effigy of me made out of dolls heads. https://t.co/VSobzo1CST — Adam Kay (@amateuradam) January 5, 2020
2.
Seeing the John Wick movies does not make you a John Wick fan. Actual John Wick fans have done some of the following:
* Owned and destroyed a cool car
* Lost their dog
* Gotten a $14,000,000 bounty
* Killed someone with a pencil
* Killed someone with a book
* Fallen off ledges https://t.co/Lm9CeSXXvx — Milky (@milkyriverbed02) January 3, 2020
3.
Seeing The Mummy movies does not make you a Mummy fan. Actual Mummy fans have done some of the following:
*Visited Egypt
*Taken Egyptology courses
*Mummified a family member
*Fallen in love with wife of Pharaoh
*Brought back a long-dead cursed High Priest who eats people https://t.co/g99T2703jA — Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) January 4, 2020
4.
You're not a real Star Wars fan unless you've fought in a star war. https://t.co/IhbHGwTMzZ — Jess Morrissette (@decafjedi) January 2, 2020
5.
Seeing the Jurassic Park movies does not make you a Jurassic Park fan. Actual Jurassic Park fans have done some of the following:
*Had a conversation with Mr. DNA
*Hired a blood-sucking lawyer
*Stuck hands into one big pile of shit
*Held onto their butts
*Spared no expense https://t.co/3astsT33yr — 🦕 Katy Brooke 🦖 (@kbrookemt) January 4, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-01-08--Julia Hartley-Brewer suggested Iran could be Islington – the only 5 clapbacks you need to read

Following the death in a US air strike of General Qasem Soleimani , Iran gave citizens the opportunity to express @ @ @ @ @ coffin through the streets , resulting in extraordinary scenes .
Right-wing commentator Julia Hartley-Brewer had @ @ @ @ @ , take .
Twitter had thoughts on her reasoning , or lack of it , @ @ @ @ @ perfectly representative .
A tweeter named @ Tpopularfront asked the question we were all pondering @

Twitter
Following the death in a US air strike of General Qasem Soleimani, Iran gave citizens the opportunity to express their distress by parading his coffin through the streets, resulting in extraordinary scenes.
BREAKING: What has to be the biggest ever funeral seen in the history of the world is currently underway. pic.twitter.com/XOvWslBVU3 — Ismail Abramjee (@IsmailAbramjee) January 5, 2020
Right-wing commentator Julia Hartley-Brewer had an unpleasant, if typical, take.
Is this in Iran or Islington? https://t.co/Sy8Y1VZ9vQ — Julia Hartley-Brewer (@JuliaHB1) 6 January 2020
Twitter had thoughts on her reasoning, or lack of it, and these five reactions are perfectly representative.
1.
Actual scenes watching what Islington has become in the minds of right wing lunatics, it's really just moped boys and aging hippies who make jam https://t.co/O1MuGPBp0N — Uncle P 🌹 (@PasqualeLDN) January 6, 2020
2.
3.
About as funny as a hole in the head. Morally bereft, vacuous idiot https://t.co/yDysTFefFU — 💚JS100 #FUEU🇮🇷🇵🇸🇻🇪 (@jonstern100) January 6, 2020
4.
Naw, it’s the queue out when you walk in. — Oscar Juan (@OscarJu97128129) 6 January 2020
5.
God racists are so goddamn fucking boring and bad at dunks https://t.co/blgo00IuXu — CEO of Yasha Nation 🌩 (@Wally_Wests) January 6, 2020
A tweeter named @Tpopularfront asked the question we were all pondering.
Is this Julia Hartley Brewer or Katie Hopkins? — Wolfie. 🖐 (@Tpopularfront) 6 January 2020
Peas in a contrarian pod.
READ MORE
9 horrified reactions to Trump’s jingoistic Twitter rant
Source Julia Hartley-Brewer Image Ismail Abramjee, @j_bzl on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-08--‘Most accurate Tinder bio I have ever read’

We ’ ve seen lots of funny ( and occasionally frightening ) Tinder bios , but this might be the most honest .
It was shared on Reddit by rootinuti611 who ’ said it was ‘ the most accurate [ Tinder ] bio I have read ’ .
paulthree : ‘ This is so so real… I ’ m this guy and have others that are “ that girl ” on my IG to this day I ’ m like “ wow what a thing… ” ’ drewhead118 : ‘ I feel like exactly this is like 10 % of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s only slowly growing .
Soon the tinder connections will drown out the middle school friends , and then comes the high school friends , and once it passes the college friend threshhold it ’ s all over for me… a total dissolution of self into the dating verse .
Ego death by a thousand swipes .
Who can say what phoenix would emerge from such ashes ?
’ 11 of the funniest ( and occasionally most frightening ) Tinder profiles of the year AND EVEN MORE Simply 12 of the funniest Tinder @ @ @ @

Pics
We’ve seen lots of funny (and occasionally frightening) Tinder bios, but this might be the most honest.
It was shared on Reddit by rootinuti611 who’ said it was ‘the most accurate [Tinder] bio I have read’.
Yep, sounds about right.
paulthree: ‘This is so so real… I’m this guy and have others that are “that girl” on my IG to this day I’m like “wow what a thing…”’ drewhead118: ‘I feel like exactly this is like 10% of my instagram feed now and it’s only slowly growing. Soon the tinder connections will drown out the middle school friends, and then comes the high school friends, and once it passes the college friend threshhold it’s all over for me… a total dissolution of self into the dating verse. Ego death by a thousand swipes. Who can say what phoenix would emerge from such ashes?’
READ MORE
11 of the funniest (and occasionally most frightening) Tinder profiles of the year
AND EVEN MORE
Simply 12 of the funniest Tinder exchanges of the year
Source Reddit u/rootinuti611


thepoke--2020-01-08--This woman’s story of her boyfriend’s ‘unusual’ relationship with his teddy bear goes from funny to

This woman’s story of her boyfriend’s ‘unusual’ relationship with his teddy bear goes from funny to terrifying

Over on Reddit a 21 y/o woman got in touch to seek some relationship advice .
Specifically , about what @ @ @ @ @ boyfriend ’ s , er , unusual relationship with his teddy bear .
The woman @ @ @ @ @ uncomfortable and it ’ s entirely understandable because , well , have a read for @ @ @ @ @ viral after it was shared by @ redditships on Twitter and these are pretty much @ @ @ @ @ need .
And there was an update for those who are especially interested .
And @ @ @ @ @ picture of the bear and it ’ s too scary to check , frankly .
@ @ @ @ @ riposte for her boyfriend who said she spent too long getting ready

Popular
Over on Reddit a 21 y/o woman got in touch to seek some relationship advice. Specifically, about what she should do about her boyfriend’s, er, unusual relationship with his teddy bear.
The woman said it was making her uncomfortable and it’s entirely understandable because, well, have a read for yourself.
The post went viral after it was shared by @redditships on Twitter and these are pretty much the only 3 replies you need.
I read A LOT of /r/relationships posts where the issue could be resolved by simple communication. This is one of those issues that I think can only be resolved by you murdering Teddy in front of him. — Bridie Bunny (@BridieBunny) January 5, 2020
Step 1 : get the phone number of two therapists
Step 2 : leave the dude
Step 3 : give the phone number of one of the therapists to the dude, go see the other if needed — Toga stan (@e_b0t) January 5, 2020
The comment “This is above Reddit’s pay grade” nearly broke me. — Kingfisher & Wombat (@UrsulaV) January 5, 2020
And there was an update for those who are especially interested.
And someone reckoned they found a picture of the bear and it’s too scary to check, frankly.
so apparently this is the photo of teddy 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/cmVNqXRUAV — sad grl (@sisiricks) January 5, 2020
READ MORE
This woman had the perfect riposte for her boyfriend who said she spent too long getting ready
Source Twitter @redditships Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-09--‘The most Australian thing I’ve ever read’

This debate about marriage equality in Australia took a heated turn and ended with an unexpectedly satisfying payoff .
It @ @ @ @ @ calls themselves Maybe_not_a_chicken on Reddit , ‘ the most Australian thing I ’ ve ever @ @ @ @ @ back from that .

Popular
This debate about marriage equality in Australia took a heated turn and ended with an unexpectedly satisfying payoff.
It is, said someone who calls themselves Maybe_not_a_chicken on Reddit, ‘the most Australian thing I’ve ever read’.
Oof! No coming back from that.
READ MORE
30 reasons to love Australia
Source Reddit u/Maybe_not_a_chicken


thepoke--2020-01-09--This guy’s got a pair of secondhand jeans for sale and the pictures posed questions, lots of questio

This guy’s got a pair of secondhand jeans for sale and the pictures posed questions, lots of questions

On the one hand it ’ s just an advert for a pair of second hand jeans being sold by @ @ @ @ @ other hand … those pictures .
All of those pictures .
And just in case @ @ @ @ @ 19 fake perfume ads are every bit as beautifully pretentious as real ones

Pics
On the one hand it’s just an advert for a pair of second hand jeans being sold by this chap.
On the other hand … those pictures. All of those pictures.
‘Wtf is he selling?!’ asked @verbalpunchbag on Twitter.
Oh shit, I’ve got that flower picture on my wall. It’s from The Range 😳 — K – Dog (@Laird_of_Jura) January 8, 2020
And just in case you were wondering …
I got the photos from the Facebook group Dafuq is Dis? https://t.co/tImEgRYXIL One of the few reasons I still have fb 😄 — 🏴Indy Not Boris🚫 (@verbalpunchbag) January 8, 2020
READ MORE
These 19 fake perfume ads are every bit as beautifully pretentious as real ones


thepoke--2020-01-09--Miriam Margolyes’ funny story about the Queen was made even better by the NSFW word she used

A lot of people are talking about the Queen today , in the light of the decision of the Duke @ @ @ @ @ step back from the Royal Family .
It has emerged that not even Her Majesty @ @ @ @ @ announcement .
Nobody , however , is talking about her in quite the same was @ @ @ @ @ actress , Miriam Margolyes , as she shared this story on This Morning .
Please @ @ @ @ @ t mind her language .
Proof that she definitely is the best teller of stories @ @ @ @ @ weren ’ t the only ones enjoying Miriam ’ s royal anecdote .
Barnaby Edwards @ @ @ @ @ and gave away a little secret about the language used – it had been toned @ @ @ @

Videos
A lot of people are talking about the Queen today, in the light of the decision of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to step back from the Royal Family. It has emerged that not even Her Majesty was warned of the impending announcement.
Nobody, however, is talking about her in quite the same was as voiceover queen and amazing actress, Miriam Margolyes, as she shared this story on This Morning.
Please note, she didn’t mind her language.
this miriam margolyes story is incredible pic.twitter.com/xbTfglj6dH — the bird of britain (@theseagullah) January 9, 2020
Proof that she definitely is the best teller of stories in the world.
We weren’t the only ones enjoying Miriam’s royal anecdote.
Don’t be distracted by the word “twat” from the main part of this story, in which the Queen does not come across well. https://t.co/z0x6JNkrAI — James O'Malley (@Psythor) January 9, 2020
I love Miriam and frankly I think the Queen was rather RUDE to her. Good News is that Miriam couldn’t care less 🤷🏽♀ — Natalie Rowe (@RealNatalieRowe) 9 January 2020
Saying 'twat' on morning television, priceless.
Being told by the Queen to be quiet, also priceless.
For everything else, there's Mastercard. — ѕтєνєn 🇬🇧🇪🇺 (@killerma) 9 January 2020
Barnaby Edwards backed up the story, and gave away a little secret about the language used – it had been toned down for TV.
I was working with Miriam when this incident occurred. For this alone, she deserves a damehood. (Parenthetically, when she told me the story, she used a slightly stronger word than 'twat'… 😉) https://t.co/JACsNUYcwi — Barnaby Edwards (@BarnabyEdwards) January 9, 2020
Source ITV via @theseagullah Image @mrmarkdejong on Unsplash, ITV


thepoke--2020-01-09--Watching Donald Trump trying to say ‘tolerated’ is 8 seconds well spent

Hopes that 2020 would be better than 2019 haven ’ t exactly got off to a good start , so @ @ @ @ @ take your chinks of light where you can find them .
Like Donald Trump trying @ @ @ @ @ , for example , as highlighted by the great @ BeardedGenius on Twitter .
Think @ @ @ @ @ , Don !
And it reminded someone of this .
Donald Trump stringing random words @ @ @ @ @ you all you need to know

Videos
Hopes that 2020 would be better than 2019 haven’t exactly got off to a good start, so you’ve got to take your chinks of light where you can find them.
Like Donald Trump trying to say ‘tolerated’, for example, as highlighted by the great @BeardedGenius on Twitter.
I love how he just gave up trying to pronounce ‘tolerated’ and hoped no one would notice pic.twitter.com/sUUt8mPkZ3 — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) January 8, 2020
Think you got away with it, Don!
My man did not crack pic.twitter.com/ubYrf636Hz — Bathi “umlungu” (@iamjoshdylan) January 8, 2020
And it reminded someone of this.
My man did not crack pic.twitter.com/ubYrf636Hz — Bathi “umlungu” (@iamjoshdylan) January 8, 2020
…then your children will be next. — SteamyWynndows (@SteamyWynndows) January 8, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump stringing random words together about Kim Jong-un tells you all you need to know
H/T @BeardedGenius


thepoke--2020-01-09--Claire from Steps wasn’t happy about Wagamama’s vegan tuna and their response was delicious

Piers Morgan famously wasn ’ t impressed with Greggs ’ vegan sausage roll and he ’ s not too keen @ @ @ @ @ either .
Fortunately for us , this isn ’ t about Morgan .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ who is similarly furious with Wagamama for coming up with something called vegan tuna .
@ @ @ @ @ Not to Clare , though .
And she got no end of responses from people @ @ @ @ @ lots of people who didn ’ t .
But the best response came from the @ @ @ @ @ .
If their vegan tuna is half as delicious , it ’ s a winner @ @ @ @ @ that broke the internet

Twitter
Piers Morgan famously wasn’t impressed with Greggs’ vegan sausage roll and he’s not too keen on their vegan steak bake either.
Fortunately for us, this isn’t about Morgan. It’s about Claire from Steps who is similarly furious with Wagamama for coming up with something called vegan tuna.
Sounds good to us. Not to Claire, though.
This is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! Wagamama are advertising Vegan tuna! Contradiction in itself I’m sure but then you find out, it’s seared watermelon!! 🙄 @piersmorgan is this on the same level as the vegan sausage roll or worse?! Watermelon ffs! 🙄 — Claire Richards (@_ClaireRichards) January 8, 2020
But most people didn’t share her horror at the idea.
There’s a reason Lisa was always my fave Step — Vas 🦩 (@VasiliosMantou) January 8, 2020
Good one!👍🏻 — Claire Richards (@_ClaireRichards) January 8, 2020
Quite like to try it. Have to say that @wagamama_uk vegan dishes are out of this world taste wise. Anything that promotes positive eating and the endless torture and killing of animals is a good thing right? — Amazing Animal World (@AmazingAnimalW) January 8, 2020
It’s £12.95 though! That’s a con no? — Claire Richards (@_ClaireRichards) January 8, 2020
If you're not vegan or intending to eat it then I'm not sure why you're bothered? — Ashlee (@Ratshlee) January 8, 2020
Maybe I was interested in trying it until I found out it was a piece of watermelon for the bargain price of £12.95!! — Claire Richards (@_ClaireRichards) January 8, 2020
But the best response came from the good people of Wagamama themselves.
tragedy! when the fish has gone and you can’t go on, it’s tragedy😉 — wagamama uk (@wagamama_uk) January 8, 2020
If their vegan tuna is half as delicious, it’s a winner.
READ MORE
The Steps/Barry Gibb joke that broke the internet
H/T Twitter @jamieeast


thepoke--2020-01-09--Workers have to pay to do this data analysis job – the only 5 comments you need

We know all about the unfairness of unpaid internships that allow the children of the wealthy to get excellent experience @ @ @ @ @ ve seen everything now with this job that charges people to do it .
Let @ @ @ @ @ look at that .
These five reactions say all that needs to be said .
@ @ @ @ @ it down after someone apparently told them what it said .
If only they ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
The living wage campaign group Fight For 15 had this to add .
We @ @ @ @ @ know .

Pics
We know all about the unfairness of unpaid internships that allow the children of the wealthy to get excellent experience and references but we’ve seen everything now with this job that charges people to do it.
IT FINALLY HAPPENED RECRUITMENT TWITTER!!! A.MAZING pic.twitter.com/7hFiwIhBUx — Matt Buckland (@ElSatanico) January 8, 2020
Let’s take a closer look at that.
via Gfycat
These five reactions say all that needs to be said.
1.
And you think working for free is bad, freelancers? Try "reverse financing" pic.twitter.com/b0l4ilyWbN — Carl Reader (@CarlReader) January 8, 2020
2.
'Reverse-financed internship', guys. You finally have an exciting opportunity to PAY to WORK! Capitalism has won so hard I'm almost simply in awe https://t.co/u6yayz2bBU — Marijam Didžgalvytė (@marijamdid) January 8, 2020
3.
"Note, this is a reverse financed internship, so you will pay $15/hr to work here." "Reverse financed internship." 😐 It's said most of the blinking fops & dainties dragged out of Versailles & up the guillotine steps also had no idea why: https://t.co/cSU8lcSrbg — Zakariah Johnson (@Pteratorn) January 8, 2020
4.
Incidentally, this is a reverse funded tweet and you owe me 20p — Matt Buckland (@ElSatanico) 8 January 2020
5.
i take back everything i said about climate change, burn our whole planet to the ground deadass https://t.co/ypba3LZAlP — ✨new year new yeen✨ (@CallieGontheT) January 8, 2020
The agency listing it took it down after someone apparently told them what it said. If only they’d been able to read.
Hi Santiago, the job posting has been removed and we are investigating further. Thank you. ^DR — Indeed Support (@IndeedSupport) 8 January 2020
The living wage campaign group Fight For 15 had this to add.
Yeah this is…..not what we meant. https://t.co/pjZH0w6iXY — Fight For 15 (@fightfor15) January 8, 2020
We know, guys. We know.
Source Matt Buckland Image Matt Buckland, @campaign_creators on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-09--What a weird selling point for a smoke alarm

We firmly believe that the majority of smoke alarms are used to tell their owners when the food is ready @ @ @ @ @ apparently “ toast proof ” and we aren ’ t sure why .
In case @ @ @ @ @ by the claim , Redditor u/wantsomeabbreviation put it through its paces .
Seems legit .
@ @ @ @ @ use to tell us when the toast ’ s done now ?

Videos
We firmly believe that the majority of smoke alarms are used to tell their owners when the food is ready, but this one is apparently “toast proof” and we aren’t sure why.
In case people weren’t convinced by the claim, Redditor u/wantsomeabbreviation put it through its paces.
Seems legit. What are we going to use to tell us when the toast’s done now?
Source Reddit Image Reddit, @leti_kugler on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-09--This takedown of an anti-vaxxer is short but absolutely deadly

Owning internet anti-vaxxers is almost like shooting fish in a barrel , except science shows us that fish can learn @ @ @ @ @ brutal takedown might be one of our favourites of all time .
Although we don @ @ @ @ @ after the exchange shown in Yakzi ‘ s post , we very much enjoyed these @ @ @ @ @ to add .
We really don ’ t want to find out how they know @ @

Pics
Owning internet anti-vaxxers is almost like shooting fish in a barrel, except science shows us that fish can learn.
This example of a brutal takedown might be one of our favourites of all time.
Although we don’t know what happened after the exchange shown in Yakzi‘s post, we very much enjoyed these comments.
Humans are made of carbon Pencils are made of carbon Therefore I should eat pencils THAT IS HER LOGIC testiclekid
hydrogen peroxide and water are made of the very same elements, in different configurations. NegativeCause
TCHbreath had this to add.
We are 83% like the pig and taste alike. : (
We really don’t want to find out how they know that.
Source Reddit Image Reddit, @cdc on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-09--A hilarious sketch shows what Greta Thunberg’s parents do while she’s away

What might Greta Thunberg ’ s parents get up to while the 17-year-old climate activist is sailing to America or @ @ @ @ @ cat ’ s away , and all that .
Right wing mouthpiece Toby Young thought @ @ @ @ @ something that the mainstream media didn ’ t want people to see .
There was @ @ @ @ @ theory .

Videos
What might Greta Thunberg’s parents get up to while the 17-year-old climate activist is sailing to America or addressing politicians?
BBC Scotland’s Hogmanay comedy show ‘Only An Excuse’ suggested an answer.
While the cat’s away, and all that.
Right wing mouthpiece Toby Young thought he’d happened upon something that the mainstream media didn’t want people to see.
Scottish comedy duo take the Mickey out of Greta Thunberg. Enjoy it before the BBC take it down and the comedians are sent to a re-education camp and forced to subsist on a vegan diet. Very funny. pic.twitter.com/YVGNEBMNa1 — Toby Young (@toadmeister) January 8, 2020
There was only one problem with that theory.
The BBC made it, you honking elbow. — Karl Minns (@karlminns) January 8, 2020
As comedy writer Nick Pettigrew pointed out,
In which the clattering dullard Stag Don't once again reveals his tin ear for comedy. He can't see the difference between rightwingers insulting a child and a sketch that says 'What if her parents were completely different from her?', which doesn't actually mock her in any way. https://t.co/84xpEwRhA4 — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 8, 2020
Source YouTube Image BBC Scotland


thepoke--2020-01-09--9 out-of-this-world clapbacks to the Telegraph columnist who said Rebecca Long-Bailey looks like an

9 out-of-this-world clapbacks to the Telegraph columnist who said Rebecca Long-Bailey looks like an alien

As Rebecca Long-Bailey got on with the job of promoting her bid to be the next leader of the Labour @ @ @ @ @ fangirl , Allison Pearson , used her Telegraph column to make extremely personal remarks about @ @ @ @ @ the woman who smeared the family of a sick child during the general election campaign @ @ @ @ @ shit take , and people reacted accordingly .
Mirror columnist Ros Wynne-Jones ran with the @ @ @ @ @ aka the brilliant Caroline Aherne , being Labour ’ s leader .
If only she @ @ @ @ @ Pearson .
This thread about how fake news spreads on social media is fascinating and @

Twitter
As Rebecca Long-Bailey got on with the job of promoting her bid to be the next leader of the Labour Party, apparent Katie Hopkins fangirl, Allison Pearson, used her Telegraph column to make extremely personal remarks about the MP.
"The shadow business secretary, who looks like the love child of the Roswell alien and Mrs Merton, just confirmed that she is running to succeed Jeremy Corbyn" Writes @allisonpearson https://t.co/W0YSDO6pqW — The Telegraph (@Telegraph) January 7, 2020
Even for the woman who smeared the family of a sick child during the general election campaign, it was quite the shit take, and people reacted accordingly.
1.
Only just caught up with this, already in the early stages of our Labour leadership campaign we have the hard right media attacking our candidates (not on policy issues) but on how they look. I wouldn’t line our cat litter tray with this print! Our media is in such a mess! pic.twitter.com/c6rzM30RVz — Angela Rayner 🌈 (@AngelaRayner) January 8, 2020
2.
This article is a disgrace. Comments like these are totally unacceptable from anybody, let alone 'reported' in a national newspaper. The Telegraph should be ashamed. https://t.co/NkOhheBvjG — Clive Lewis MP (@labourlewis) January 8, 2020
3.
A period of silence, similar to her appearance on University Challenge, from Ms Pearson would be very welcome.
Pitiful "journalism" https://t.co/25uNsZKMks — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) January 8, 2020
4.
If you’re going to be a shithead about people then please, I beg you, at least make it funny pic.twitter.com/ysVgSxQadd — Ben Machell (@ben_machell) January 8, 2020
5.
Imagine literally anyone vaguely associated with the left described a right-wing/centrist politician as "the love child of the Roswell alien and Mrs Merton". Imagine the "bullying" narrative. Imagine the weeks of Why Is No One Addressing The Left's Misogynistic Cruelty? — ACAB Rees-Mogg (@jelly_pack) January 8, 2020
6.
The far-right hack, who looks like the love child of Piers Morgan and Miss Piggy, just confirmed that she is running to succeed Katie Hopkins. pic.twitter.com/5lq8xKClXl — The Agitator (@UKDemockery) January 8, 2020
7.
I am no fan of RLB because of her politics. But Allison Pearson @allisonpearson has crossed the line. By all means criticise the political position, but keep the pound shop personal journalism in the back of the closet Allison. You cheapen yourself. https://t.co/l8HOnRjxfN — Andrew Parnall🎪 – The Original DontBrexitFixit🕷 (@dontbrexitfixit) January 8, 2020
8.
You know what you look like, @allisonpearson?
You look like the kind of person who writes for the Telegraph.
You know that look?
Half-Nazi-half-Hobbit?
Spittle around the lips?
A fixed dumb smirk of vacuous, complacent incredulity slathered over their wide, blank faces?
That. pic.twitter.com/WATxIrjZtE — simon maginn (@simonmaginn) January 8, 2020
9.
RLB is not my choice for leader, but this made me angry. It is hard enough to be a woman in politics without this sort of ridiculous, spiteful comment. Not classy, Allison Pearson/The Telegraph. https://t.co/NAGguEo8UT — Jayne Kirkham (@JayneKirkham4) January 7, 2020
Mirror columnist Ros Wynne-Jones ran with the idea of Mrs Merton, aka the brilliant Caroline Aherne, being Labour’s leader.
For the record, I think any love child of Mrs Merton would make a fine leader of the Labour Party.
"Allison – what first attracted you to bullying women candidates for the Labour Leadership for money" https://t.co/gFJR37aQ1V — Real Britain (@realbritainros) January 8, 2020
Here’s how Caroline handled another prominent racist.
Mrs Merton (Caroline Aherne R.I.P) was great She knew how to put racists in their place Alison Pearson pic.twitter.com/4RkmSb8J7M — LFTV (@TheBirmingham6) January 8, 2020
If only she were around to debate Ms Pearson.
READ MORE
This thread about how fake news spreads on social media is fascinating and depressing
Source Telegraph Image Telegraph


thepoke--2020-01-09--The Daily Show gave us the US-Iran conflict explanation we all need

As the UK throws it ’ s clownishly large hat in with the US over its attack on Iran , @ @ @ @ @ but notice that the internet now seems to be divided between Middle-Eastern political experts and @ @ @ @ @ a clue , with a disturbing crossover of those categories .
For those prepared to @ @ @ @ @ Trevor Noah ’ s monologue on the topic on The Daily Show clears up a @ @ @ @ @ ’ s a longish watch at over five minutes , but it ’ s well @ @ @ @ @ comments perfectly sum up how the segment has been received .
We hope this is @ @

Videos
As the UK throws it’s clownishly large hat in with the US over its attack on Iran, we can’t help but notice that the internet now seems to be divided between Middle-Eastern political experts and people who haven’t a clue, with a disturbing crossover of those categories.
For those prepared to admit to being clueless, Trevor Noah’s monologue on the topic on The Daily Show clears up a lot of it. It’s a longish watch at over five minutes, but it’s well worth it.
Iran strikes back at the U.S., and Trump slurredly assures America that all is well. pic.twitter.com/yDbsooGWdI — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) January 9, 2020
War in the Middle East – This time it’s Persianal
These few comments perfectly sum up how the segment has been received.
It seems only the comedians will tell the truth about 45*’s sh!t show. https://t.co/kCTHt2KMWy — Susan Chappelle (@SusanChappelle1) January 9, 2020
Either his dentures need more adhesive or he needs to learn to decode multisyllabic words better. — Jaelynne (@JaelieBean) 9 January 2020
What I would like to know is Trump medicating himself or is it coming from someone trying to get him to keep his mouth shut? His MO is not to be calm, speak uncomfortably slow, and be quiet, and monotone. — Barb (@barbo40) 9 January 2020
We hope this is accurate.
ww3 is now just a bunch of shitposts on twitter, times have changed — Faust (@RealShadowForce) 9 January 2020
Source The Daily Show Image The Daily Show


thepoke--2020-01-09--Only 23 per cent of Americans managed to pick out Iran on a map – our 11 favourite comments

With Iran dominating the news , apart from in the tiny bubble obsessed with the Royals , it seemed like @ @ @ @ @ expert , Joanna Piacenza , to test people on their geographical knowledge of the troubled @ @ @ @ @ It didn ’ t go down well .
This is the map they were using @ @ @ @ @ at the results , and had some comments , particularly about the extraordinary guesses highlighted @ @ @ @ @ George Conway had an additional subject in mind to take the test .

Twitter
With Iran dominating the news, apart from in the tiny bubble obsessed with the Royals, it seemed like a good time for data expert, Joanna Piacenza, to test people on their geographical knowledge of the troubled country – specifically Americans.
It didn’t go down well.
NEW from me: We asked folks to identify Iran on an unlabeled map. 28% of them got it right. Here's where they guessed. https://t.co/XhP5OU9s2n pic.twitter.com/IQ8HYFDKxE — Joanna Piacenza (@jpiacenza) January 8, 2020
This is the map they were using.
Respondents were first given a larger, global map. 23% were able to correctly identify Iran. https://t.co/XhP5OU9s2n pic.twitter.com/HVsWpf9ujt — Joanna Piacenza (@jpiacenza) 8 January 2020
People were pretty stunned at the results, and had some comments, particularly about the extraordinary guesses highlighted on the map.
1.
NEW RULE: If you flunked this test, you must keep your strong opinions about Iran to yourself. https://t.co/t5YuBbpjFu — Tom Nichols (@RadioFreeTom) January 8, 2020
2.
Okay I probably would have gotten this wrong too, but how the fuck did people wind up picking the uk? https://t.co/cATvSNmvcL — Justin Whang 🐙 (@JustinWhang) January 8, 2020
3.
Yeah, but the one who put it on London? https://t.co/ujuJB9v5rW pic.twitter.com/fcGQXJyUYW — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) January 8, 2020
4.
Would love to chat to the American who said Iran was Rosslare. https://t.co/i5YnYt9x2K — Richard Chambers (@newschambers) January 8, 2020
5.
Well this doesn't bode well for Romania https://t.co/oOfVYEc94x — 🚩Auntie Shepherd🏴 (@NeolithicSheep) January 8, 2020
6.
christ what if he nukes Pembrokeshire https://t.co/ORxX6f0AdU — Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) January 8, 2020
7.
Only 23% of people could locate Iran on a map, fine, sure, but the only person I want to speak with is the one who thought Iran was in the ocean west of Mexico pic.twitter.com/KEik8du8Zg — Slade (@Slade) January 8, 2020
8.
Asking people to identify a country on a map is really difficult for people who can't even tell which bits are land and which are sea https://t.co/XwUbyzWpRJ — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) January 8, 2020
9.
For anyone who guessed an area that is clearly in the middle of water I think we should be legally required to take away their driver's licenses. — Marcus (@alocalbookshop) 8 January 2020
10.
I want somebody to write an article about the people who chose the British Isles…. Oh wait, the NY Times regularly runs articles on Trump supporters. Never mind. — Pé Resists (@4everNeverTrump) 8 January 2020
11.
Dominic raab — Naw (@Kijoru_) 8 January 2020
Lawyer George Conway had an additional subject in mind to take the test.
would love to give @realDonaldTrump this test https://t.co/ei9ZcwmvCu — George Conway (@gtconway3d) January 8, 2020
Source @jpiacenza Image @jpiacenza


thepoke--2020-01-09--22 majestic reactions to Harry and Meghan stepping back from the Royal Family

In a move guaranteed to make season 17 of The Crown a ratings grabber , the Duke and Duchess of Sussex , or Harry and Meghan to give them their weekend names , announced that they intend to step back as senior Royals and become financially independent .
This is how they shared the decision via their Instagram account – because it ’ s 2020 , not 1748 .
Because the text isn ’ t clear , we ’ re sharing the highlights , and you can read the full thing here : “ We intend to step back as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Family and work to become financially independent , while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen .
We now plan to balance our time between the United Kingdom and North America , continuing to honour our duty to The Queen , the Commonwealth , and our patronages .
This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born , while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter , including the launch of our new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ news from broadcasts or in posts like this .
It seems that the rest of the Royal Family found out in much the same way .
Needless to say , the internet reacted explosively .
A lot of people knew where to lay the blame .
Some could see how the move made sense .

News
In a move guaranteed to make season 17 of The Crown a ratings grabber, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, or Harry and Meghan to give them their weekend names, announced that they intend to step back as senior Royals and become financially independent.
This is how they shared the decision via their Instagram account – because it’s 2020, not 1748.
Because the text isn’t clear, we’re sharing the highlights, and you can read the full thing here:
“We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen. We now plan to balance our time between the United Kingdom and North America, continuing to honour our duty to The Queen, the Commonwealth, and our patronages. This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity.”
Most people learnt the news from broadcasts or in posts like this.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have said in a statement they "intend to step back as 'senior' members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent" — Sky News Breaking (@SkyNewsBreak) January 8, 2020
It seems that the rest of the Royal Family found out in much the same way.
BREAKING. BBC Understands that no other member of the Royal Family was consulted before Harry and Meghan issued their personal statement tonight, the Palace is understood to be ‘disappointed’. — Jonny Dymond (@JonnyDymond) January 8, 2020
Needless to say, the internet reacted explosively.
A lot of people knew where to lay the blame.
1.
The media: *constantly harasses and belittles Meghan and Harry* Meghan and Harry: "Ok bye" The media: "What could have possibly caused this" — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) January 8, 2020
2.
Meghan and Harry quit after being hounded out by people who lost their shit when Meghan ate an avocado but the guy who’s been hanging out for years with convicted sex offenders can stay in place forever. What an absolutely perfect press and institution. — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 8, 2020
3.
Readers of the m**l and the s*n are gonna be fucking livid. Hahaha. Good! It's their fault the fucking halfwits. — kath 🙀🕷❄🇪🇺 (@KathyBurke) January 8, 2020
4.
Racists, idiots, ‘royal watchers’ etc: “Shit off Meghan”
Meghan & Harry: “Off we jolly well fuck.”
Racists, idiots, ‘royal watchers’ etc: “😡🤬😡😱😡😩” — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) January 8, 2020
5.
"Fuck off, Meghan"
"Okay, we will"
"Hang on, where do you think you're going?" — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 8, 2020
6.
Daily Mail:
Meghan you avocado eating bitch you are FUELING MURDER Daily Mail tomorrow:
Why are you leaving, you were the people’s prince and princess- — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 8, 2020
Some could see how the move made sense.
7.
To be fair, I'd think about cutting ties with my family if my uncle was Prince Andrew. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 8, 2020
8.
Wish I'd known sooner that you can resign from your family. — Adam Kay (@amateuradam) January 8, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-01-09--This woman had the very best answer why women don’t take their husband’s name

It ’ s not so common as it once was for women to take their husband ’ s surname upon @ @ @ @ @ , we don ’ t think it is ( we haven ’ t looked it @ @ @ @ @ still apparently irks people when they don ’ t .
Like this person for instance @ @ @ @ @ this particular woman , well , it ’ s the very best , obviously .

Popular
It’s not so common as it once was for women to take their husband’s surname upon getting married. At least, we don’t think it is (we haven’t looked it up) and yet it still apparently irks people when they don’t.
Like this person for instance.
I'd really like to hear the reasoning behind women who won't take their husband's last name — HBK (@_MercyFul) August 20, 2017
And the reply from this particular woman, well, it’s the very best, obviously.
READ MORE
12 unfortunate name combinations in wedding announcements
Source Reddit u/ChristianServerJesus


thepoke--2020-01-09--This voice actress took on the scammers at their own game and it’s very funny and very, very clever

Voice actress @ irlrosie took on the scammers at their own game after a friend tried to buy a car @ @ @ @ @ all kinds of rip-off merchants .
It ’ s very funny and it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ More context here in a longer video from YouTube .
And you can follow @ @ @ @ @ @ This scam ‘ victim ’ played the scammer at their own game and it ’ @ @ @ @ @

Videos
Voice actress @irlrosie took on the scammers at their own game after a friend tried to buy a car on eBay and ran into all kinds of rip-off merchants.
It’s very funny and it’s very, very clever.
More context here in a longer video from YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN_tVRmzA7Y&feature=youtu.be
And you can follow @irlrosie on Instagram here.
READ MORE
This scam ‘victim’ played the scammer at their own game and it’s a very satisfying read
Source Reddit YouTube


thepoke--2020-01-09--This woman’s takedown of new mums groups on Facebook is tragically accurate

If you ’ ve ever been part of a new mum ’ s group on Facebook then some of this @ @ @ @ @ – will be very familiar .
It was a rather wonderful rant about the sort @ @ @ @ @ there , shared on Reddit by Catbuds123 who said ‘ I am howling.
’ And @ @ @ @ @ oh so relatable for lots of parents .
Methebarbarian : ‘ Oh god so many @ @ @ @ @ ones where they warn against the irritation cause by x brand diaper followed by fighting @ @ @ @ @ one seems to realize that each kid ’ s skin is different .
Then some @ @ @ @ @ This chap adapted his mum ’ s TV remote control and it pressed a lot @ @ @ @ @

Popular
If you’ve ever been part of a new mum’s group on Facebook then some of this – possibly all of this – will be very familiar.
It was a rather wonderful rant about the sort of questions that are posted there, shared on Reddit by Catbuds123 who said ‘I am howling.’
And it turned out to be oh so relatable for lots of parents.
ryvenkrennel: ‘Tragically accurate.’ theflush1980: ‘Nothing that some essential oils can’t cure…’ Methebarbarian: ‘Oh god so many injury/rash pictures. Also the ones where they warn against the irritation cause by x brand diaper followed by fighting about diaper brands cause no one seems to realize that each kid’s skin is different. Then some arguing over sleep training.’
READ MORE
This chap adapted his mum’s TV remote control and it pressed a lot of people’s buttons
Source Reddit d u/Catbuds123


thepoke--2020-01-09--Here’s why you should never look at anything remotely pornographic before ketamine therapy

If you are undergoing ketamine therapy then by all accounts it ’ s a good idea never to look at @ @ @ @ @ treatment .
We only mention this after this woman shared a story of what happened @ @ @ @ @ ketamine therapy shortly after reading an NSFW article about a woman who paints penises .
@ @ @ @ @ And this is what happened next .
For other people a glance at that newspaper @ @ @ @ @ the woman who paints lots of dicks ) was traumatic , but for different reasons @ @ @ @ @ that painting does for me is impart a strong sense of inadequacy.
’ ITS-A-JACKAL : @ @ @ @ @ with bigger dicks are more partial to sending them so you may not be looking @ @ @ @ @ , she cherry picked the ones she wanted to paint .
Basically what I ’ @ @ @ @ @ dingus.
’ ‘ Got my days wrong and ended up alone in a room with @ @ @ @ @ of Ireland while I was on ketamine ’

Popular
If you are undergoing ketamine therapy then by all accounts it’s a good idea never to look at anything remotely pornographic before beginning treatment.
We only mention this after this woman shared a story of what happened to her when she received ketamine therapy shortly after reading an NSFW article about a woman who paints penises. A lot of penises.
And this is what happened next.
For other people a glance at that newspaper article (you remember, the woman who paints lots of dicks) was traumatic, but for different reasons.
culculain: ‘All that painting does for me is impart a strong sense of inadequacy.’ ITS-A-JACKAL: ‘I would say guys with bigger dicks are more partial to sending them so you may not be looking at an average. Also, she cherry picked the ones she wanted to paint. Basically what I’m saying is haha tiny dingus.’
READ MORE
‘Got my days wrong and ended up alone in a room with my boss and the President of Ireland while I was on ketamine’
Source Reddit u/KaleidoscopeOfDicks Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-01-10--Thief who stole an iPhone then messaged the owner to ask for the password

In today ’ s instalment of why it ’ s so much hassle trying to sell stuff you don ’ @ @ @ @ @ exchange shared by Redditor jordsimill .
‘ Thief steals iPhone at scheduled meetup then messages @ @ @ @ @ ’ is how they introduce it .
And this is the exchange in full .
@ @ @ @ @ comments it generated .
montybo2 : ‘ I just cant fathom why some people are @ @ @ @ @ : ‘ LOL at the thief saying they can ’ t trust the seller.
’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s dumb as rocks , too .
Who steals a phone and doesn ’ @ @ @ @ @ step 2 ?
?
Just gon na text the seller over and over in hopes @ @ @ @ @ the PW ?
’ thenipooped : ‘ We witnessed a very slow person trying to @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Hammer wielding thief didn ’ t anticipate pepper spray ’ is a cautionary and @ @ @

Pics
It’s so much hassle dealing with people when you’re trying to sell something you don’t want or don’t need anymore, chances are you’ll just dump it or take it to a charity shop instead.
Take this poor soul who arranged a meeting to sell an old iPhone only for the guy to run off with it without paying.
And then, just to rub salt in the wound, this happened, shared by Redditor jordsimill.
‘Thief steals iPhone at scheduled meetup then messages seller asking for password,’ is how they introduce it.
And here is the exchange in full.
And some of our favourite comments it generated.
montybo2: ‘I just cant fathom why some people are just so shitty.’ alwaysmyfault: ‘LOL at the thief saying they can’t trust the seller.’ Much_Difference: ‘This one’s dumb as rocks, too. Who steals a phone and doesn’t have any plan for step 2?? Just gonna text the seller over and over in hopes he’ll give him the PW?’ thenipooped: ‘We witnessed a very slow person trying to pull a fast one.’
READ MORE
‘Hammer wielding thief didn’t anticipate pepper spray’ is a cautionary and very satisfying tale
Source Reddit u/jordsimill


thepoke--2020-01-10--It’s still only January but this tale about an old lady in the Co-op is already the Thread of 2020

You could be forgiven for thinking that the UK has taken a political lurch to the right , now that @ @ @ @ @ help unaccompanied refugee children and has overturned its assurances to resident EU citizens .
However @ @ @ @ @ tweeter Rab Livingstone makes us believe the attitude has filtered much further down than parliament @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s a tale of two jobsworths and one awesome old lady .
@ @ @ @ @ case , so she had to comply with their conditions .

Life
Here is a simply brilliant tale from January 2020, told by the marvellous Rab Livingstone.
I’m just going for a shower, but remind me to tell you what happened in the Co-op today. You WILL NOT believe it. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
And it deserved it. It’s a tale of two jobsworths and one awesome old lady.
Thanks for reminding me. Anyway, I was in the Co-op earlier and I saw two security guards stopping an old woman at the far door and accusing her of taking a shortcut with no intention of making a purchase. It has two entrances, you see. One on each of two parallel streets. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
To be fair, there is a note on each door saying ‘NO PURCHASE, NO SHORTCUT’. I didn’t really have the time to get involved…… but I did. I asked the guard that was holding the old woman against the wall what the problem was…. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
The guard who was on the radio, asking for back up, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “leave this to us, sir.” The old woman butted in and claimed that she wasn’t going out the door, she was going to get a basket. “Why didn’t you get a basket at the door you came in?” — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Asked the guard with the radio, in the style of Judge Judy. He had a point. She said the last time she took a basket from that door she cut her finger and the manager threw her out for bleeding on the cabbages. I couldn’t help thinking there was history here. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Anyway. I engaged my diplomatic skills by suggesting that they just let her take a basket. They had a little huddle then radio man nodded in agreement, but added that she had to buy something. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
The jobsworths stayed on her case, so she had to comply with their conditions.
She walked around the whole store, pretending to be shopping, with one guard following her and the other one hiding behind a lifesize cardboard cut out of Ainsley Harriott just inside her preferred exit door. After 5 minutes she picked up a small tomato and put it in her basket. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Sort of.
She then went to the till and paid for it, 8p, declined a bag and dropped it in her coat pocket. The guard following her could hardly contain his rage, but obviously knew she’d beaten them. — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020


thepoke--2020-01-10--These graphics really brings home the scale of the fires burning in Australia right now

It can be hard to get your head around the scale of the bushfires raging in Australia right now .
@ @ @ @ @ , a climate data scientist at the Met Office , shows the area that has @ @ @ @ @ and the smoke it has generated – over a map of Europe and it really @ @ @ @ @ doubt .
‘ The area of ground burnt in Australia is 60,000 km² and the @ @ @ @ @ area of 5.5 million km² .
This is what this would look like over Europe @ @ @ @ @ Not by Neil , but this graphic does something similar , except with the US @ @ @ @ @ burnt in Australia compared to the size of Ireland ’ And you can follow @ @ @ @ @ @ ‘ I live in a bushfire area … ‘ wins facepalm of the week

Pics
It can be hard to get your head around the scale of the bushfires raging in Australia right now.
This graphic by @neilrkaye, a climate data scientist at the Met Office, shows the area that has so far been burnt – and the smoke it has generated – over a map of Europe and it really does leave you in no doubt.
‘The area of ground burnt in Australia is 60,000 km² and the smoke covers a truly enormous area of 5.5 million km². This is what this would look like over Europe,’ says Neil.
(via Reddit u/neilrkaye)
Not by Neil, but this graphic does something similar, except with the US.
(via Reddit u/Hmmmm_Interesting)
And Ireland.
‘Area of land burnt in Australia compared to the size of Ireland’
And you can follow @neilrkaye on Twitter here.
READ MORE
‘I live in a bushfire area … ‘ wins facepalm of the week
(via Reddit u/Haaazard)


thepoke--2020-01-10--‘Did they expect her to look like Peppa Pig?’

Headline of the week – actually , a few weeks ago , but who ’ s counting – is this @ @ @ @ @ about Harley Bird – the voice of Peppa Pig – going out for her 18th @ @ @ @ @ after it was spotted by @ RachelMcGrath and you ’ ll see why .
They @ @ @ @ @ this .

Pics
Headline of the week – actually, a few weeks ago, but who’s counting – is this effort from the Sun about Harley Bird – the voice of Peppa Pig – going out for her 18th birthday.
It went viral after it was spotted by @RachelMcGrath and you’ll see why.
Sorry but this has finished me – are they expecting her to look like Peppa Pig??????? I'm done, done I tell you pic.twitter.com/nFAuNt7MrF — Rachel McGrath (@RachelMcGrath) December 23, 2019
They were obviously expecting something like this.
Wow, she's blossomed since the days both her eyes were on the same side of nose. — @dickurgent (@dickurgent) December 23, 2019
HOWLING — Emily Baker 🐝 (@emilyrbakes) December 23, 2019
"Voice Actor not recognizable in public" is not a headline I would expect, considering barring the few well known ones, they tend to remain faceless. Also, shaming young people (especially women) for enjoying life. — Jake – I'm a nerd (@ZueluGaming) December 23, 2019
"SHOCKING: Thurl Ravenscroft, Voice Actor, is NOT A TIGER" pic.twitter.com/QJdErRMka3 — Dirck de Lint (NOW the exciting new 2020 model!) (@Dirck_deLint) December 23, 2019
READ MORE
‘Peppa’s right face, Peppa’s left face, Peppa’s … front face?’
Source @RachelMcGrath H/T @BestoftheMail


thepoke--2020-01-10--If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan, make it this one

If you only read one Daily Mail reader comment about this whole Harry and Meghan business – and why would you possibly want to read more than one ?
– then make it this one .
And just in case that ’ s tricky to read … ‘ What happened ?
I will tell you what happened , his wife from the moment she met him thought H was going to be King one day and that was the reason she agreed to marry him as she thought she would one day have the title Queen .
‘ Americans like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has worked in are notorious up one ’ s backside as well as being a little bit dim .
It would not surprise me that she did not realise H was not going to be a King until after the marriage .
‘ Think about it for a moment all the problems began after the honeymoon period , the rift with Kate , was this the moment they were talking and she let slip that one day she would be a Queen and Kate told her , well NO that will be me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rift between the brothers.
’ Yes , think about it for a moment , why don ’ t you .
Madame Tussaud ’ s gets 10 out of 10 for shade after moving the Harry and Meghan models

Popular
If you only read one Daily Mail reader comment about this whole Harry and Meghan business – and why would you possibly want to read more than one? – then make it this one, highlighted by @BestoftheMail on Twitter.
And just in case that’s tricky to read …
‘What happened? I will tell you what happened, his wife from the moment she met him thought H was going to be King one day and that was the reason she agreed to marry him as she thought she would one day have the title Queen. ‘Americans like her who work in the industry she has worked in are notorious up one’s backside as well as being a little bit dim. It would not surprise me that she did not realise H was not going to be a King until after the marriage. ‘Think about it for a moment all the problems began after the honeymoon period, the rift with Kate, was this the moment they were talking and she let slip that one day she would be a Queen and Kate told her, well NO that will be me actually. It would explain the sudden rift between the brothers.’
Yes, think about it for a moment, why don’t you.
READ MORE
Madame Tussaud’s gets 10 out of 10 for shade after moving the Harry and Meghan models
Source Twitter @BestoftheMail Image YouTube screengrab


‘Pick your favourite’

Not long to go now until Boris Johnson ‘ gets Brexit done ’ and in the spirit of this iabzeet @ @ @ @ @ saying : ‘ Pick your favourite ’ .
If we had to pick one , @ @ @ @ @ be ‘ Donemark ’ .
And it turned out there were a lot more where @ @ @ @

Pics
Not long to go now until Boris Johnson ‘gets Brexit done’ and in the spirit of this iabzeet shared this on Reddit, saying: ‘Pick your favourite’.
If we had to pick one, it’s got to be ‘Donemark’.
And it turned out there were a lot more where those came from.
Raggy532: ‘Finnished’ teattle: ‘Czeching out.’ Lustjej: ‘Maltalavista.’ bangriela: ‘PolEND.’ fatsinbrightclothes: ‘Abortugal.’
READ MORE
Mark Francois wants Big Ben bongs for Brexit – 5 timely takedowns
Source Reddit u/iabzeet


thepoke--2020-01-10--25 of the funniest things from this week

We ’ ve made it through another week of 2020 , unlike the government ’ s promises to EU nationals @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s ability to pronounce “ tolerated ” , and the Royal Family tableau @ @ @ @ @ .
During that week , the funny people of Twitter have been helping us avoid @ @ @ @ @ creating stuff like these 25 funny things .

Twitter
We’ve made it through another week of 2020, unlike the government’s promises to EU nationals in the UK, Donald Trump’s ability to pronounce “tolerated”, and the Royal Family tableau at Madame Tussaud’s.
During that week, the funny people of Twitter have been helping us avoid the news wherever possible by creating stuff like these 25 funny things.
1.
The Ascent of Ham pic.twitter.com/k7EvVYcMTT — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 5, 2020
2.
3.
Astronomers:
spend 8 months observing, analyzing and interpreting data with a team of 5, publish minor finding after stringent expert peer review about how a star behaved in a single week Astrologers:
tell everyone on Earth how their entire life will play out in 2 minutes — Dr James O'Donoghue (@physicsJ) January 5, 2020
4.
Think I found out where Kelis lives. pic.twitter.com/3GIaPO2Eqk — Finn Hopson (@FinnHop) January 5, 2020
5.
You know, a few years ago I would've been 100% against this. pic.twitter.com/QpxcpnSUgH — Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) January 5, 2020
6.
He got joo joo eyeballs
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
He wear no shoeshine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He got walrus gumboot Police Sketch Artist: Riiiiight. Can we start again? — Disgruntled Ferret (@PeevedFerret) January 3, 2020
7.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man a fish, an owl, a bison and a snake and soon his small but charming zoo will be a thriving concern. — Arena Flowers (@ArenaFlowers) January 10, 2020
8.
In all my years on this planet, if I've learnt anything at all, if I can pass anything useful to the rest of humanity, it's this: Don't buy a touch lamp if you have a cat. — Holly 'self-partnered' Brockwell (@holly) January 6, 2020
9.
Who’s your favourite Beatle: Jack Douglas, Charles Bronson, Rodney Bewes, or Richard O’Sullivan? pic.twitter.com/8hLF2jmXad — Neil (@_Enanem_) January 6, 2020
10.
The best cure for a persistent cough is to stop drinking milk. My elderly neighbour had a hacking cough for months but since he started leaving his milk on his doorstep a couple of weeks ago, it seems to have cleared up completely. — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 6, 2020
11.
Still pretend I'm forging a sword whenever I put a hot pan in cold water. 32 this year. — Luke Morris (@lukemorris41) January 5, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-01-10--14 more reasons to love Tom Hanks

14 more reasons to love Tom Hanks

Actor and writer Tom Hanks is one of those rare birds – a star about whom nobody seems to have @ @ @ @ @ isn ’ t just that he ’ s lovely to everyone on set , but @ @ @ @ @ he seems to have a playful and kind manner that endears him to everyone he @ @ @ @ @ Bored Panda have expertly demonstrated this by gathering some tweets about encounters with the great @ @ @ @ @ our favourites .

Twitter
Actor and writer Tom Hanks is one of those rare birds – a star about whom nobody seems to have a bad word.
It isn’t just that he’s lovely to everyone on set, but out in the world, he seems to have a playful and kind manner that endears him to everyone he meets.
Our friends at Bored Panda have expertly demonstrated this by gathering some tweets about encounters with the great man, and these are our favourites.
1.
My one Tom Hanks story. Was out West skiing. Ended up on road connecting 2 areas. Snowing like hell. Had flat tire. Get out, start doing usual. SUV pulls over, guy gets out. Damn near white out now. Both of us freezing. We get it done. At end introduce ourselves. Tom Hanks. — stuart stevens (@stuartpstevens) January 6, 2020
2.
I got one. Relatives visiting LA from back east. Took them on tour of celebrity homes. We’re pulled over on Mulholland so ppl could take a pic of the Hollywood sign when someone pulls up, rolls down window and says “Seen any movie stars today?” Tom Hanks. — Coastal Eddy (@Coastal__Eddy) January 6, 2020
Here's the pic from that encounter. pic.twitter.com/aVHhq4I81b — Coastal Eddy (@Coastal__Eddy) 6 January 2020
3.
Once, in 2008, when Tom Hanks was shooting “Angels & Demons” in Rome by the Pantheon, a bride and her father couldn’t approach the chapel because of the hullabaloo, so Hanks stopped filming to escort them to the altar. pic.twitter.com/XcG4vaclIr — Steve Goldberg (@Steve_Goldberg) November 13, 2019
4.
A number of years ago I left my iPhone unattended in the same room as Tom Hanks. The next day, I found this photo in my camera roll. To be clear: I’ve never met him. But I do believe he is exactly who we hope he is, and I don’t want to know if I’m wrong. pic.twitter.com/TUrCarxt8N — whitney pastorek (@whittlz) January 6, 2020
5.
He is absolutely a good human. A few years ago when our local book store was doing a fundraiser to try to keep the doors open, he passed by and ended up staying for quite some time signing autographs and trying to get people to come in. — susie (@SusieMolloy) January 6, 2020
6.
Did a month of stand in work on a film he was making. The man sat next to me, asked me about my life… it was a war movie and my brother was serving at the time. He got out a pen and sent him something. Nicest man. — Audrey Wauchope Lieberstein (@audreyalison) January 6, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-01-10--A worker ruined her excuse for being late by sending a picture

If you must tell a lie , keep it simple – “ I had car trouble ” is always going @ @ @ @ @ “ I couldn ’ t get into my car because a lorry skidded off the @ @ @ @ @ of manure onto it.
” One woman reporting late for work started off well , @ @ @ @ @ unnecessary detail .
The unconvincing image aroused suspicions , and the smallest amount of digging @ @ @ @ @ amused by the efforts of the tardy worker .
Some were a little more concerned @ @ @ @ @ up to the internet .
In case you were considering pulling the same stunt , @ @ @ @ @ excuse photos donated by the helpful people of Twitter .

Life
If you must tell a lie, keep it simple – “I had car trouble” is always going to sound more convincing than “I couldn’t get into my car because a lorry skidded off the roundabout and tipped a ton of manure onto it.”
One woman reporting late for work started off well, but ruined it by adding unnecessary detail.
my coworker called in (yet again) and said she had a nail on her tire that caused her to have a flat. i need everyone to stop what they’re doing and ZOOM IN TO THE NAIL IN THE PICTURE SHE SENT MY BOSS pic.twitter.com/4NcJGuvF4F — syd the kid (@sydneyywhitson) 8 January 2020
girl that tire isn't even real lmao — ᶜ ᵃ ʸ ˡ ᵃ (@ohgrime) 8 January 2020
The unconvincing image aroused suspicions, and the smallest amount of digging struck gold.
Right? We googled it and it was the first picture to pull up when you type in “nail in tire” lol — syd the kid (@sydneyywhitson) 8 January 2020
People were amused by the efforts of the tardy worker.
Yep. That’s what happens when you drive through construction zones in Toon Town. — Brad (@nukulartek) 9 January 2020
Clearly there’s a nail in the tire idk what you’re talking about https://t.co/uNWK9feQ78 — Rouy (@Roudy_Hanna) January 9, 2020
Me as an employee https://t.co/yHDDJfxuKP — Kay (@KaylarWill) January 9, 2020
girl that tire said: pic.twitter.com/pKMlylmI8E — har ( ˘ ³˘)♥ (@haarleydenise) 9 January 2020
Some were a little more concerned with @sydneyywhitson grassing her up to the internet.
If you not her boss why you care and why you showing us? Ratting https://t.co/VBbFMIPy9s — Sicksteen Uchiha (@Sicksteen216_) January 9, 2020
I’d hate to work with you. https://t.co/uRnlKM9yg9 — Zay HNDRXX (@Papizayyyy) January 9, 2020
In case you were considering pulling the same stunt, here are a few better excuse photos donated by the helpful people of Twitter.
If you got a black car just throw thus in for a lil razzle dazzle pic.twitter.com/GcqJUVkSiF — Marcia (@MarciaLaRein) 9 January 2020
Hopefully this is useful for some of y’all pic.twitter.com/LJc3DNAY1J — Guillermo Luviano (@GuillermoLuvia3) 9 January 2020
Here’s a pic of a flat if y’all need it pic.twitter.com/ykqM44o4Le — Angela Luna (@angelalunatv) 9 January 2020
Source @sydneyywhitson Image @sidneyywhitson, @proxyclick on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-10--This young drummer boy must have been born with comic timing

This is the moment all the drumming lessons and long hours spent practising paradiddles became totally worth it .

Videos
This is the moment all the drumming lessons and long hours spent practising paradiddles became totally worth it.
Lil’ bro with the impeccable rimshot. I’m dead…😂🤣😭💀💀 pic.twitter.com/68wxaUK687 — Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) January 9, 2020
As one person responded …
If comedy is all about timing, that kid is a Carlin. — Beenee or What-not (@morganoverstre3) January 9, 2020
Source @klara_sko Image @klara_sko


thepoke--2020-01-10--Madame Tussaud’s gets 10 out of 10 for shade after moving the Harry and Meghan models

The shockwaves from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge ’ s decision to distance themselves from the core of the @ @ @ @ @ outwards when waxwork museum Madame Tussaud ’ s threw an epic bit of shade their @ @ @ @ @ were still on show , they had been moved away from the popular Royal Family @ @ @ @ @ some of the things being said about the apparently petty move .
In the light @ @ @ @ @ Madame Tussauds clarified their reasoning .
One question that nobody seems to be asking is @ @ @ @ @ before or after the Sussexes announcement , because …Voodoo .
Just saying .
22 majestic @ @ @ @ @ stepping back from the Royal Family

Pics
The shockwaves from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s decision to distance themselves from the core of the Royal Family were still spreading outwards when waxwork museum Madame Tussaud’s threw an epic bit of shade their way.
Although the waxworks were still on show, they had been moved away from the popular Royal Family group display.
Here are some of the things being said about the apparently petty move.
1.
It's now official. They will now be made into scented candles which smell of freedom. https://t.co/vXNr5dQNJ3 — Toby Edwards (@IsSaddleThereIs) January 9, 2020
2.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR THEM?https://t.co/YZgVhjqctd — Last Week Tonight (@LastWeekTonight) January 9, 2020
3.
I am impressed at the speed of this pettiness! https://t.co/DtQcoSI3sD — Jason Kennedy (@jasonpkennedy) January 9, 2020
4.
My mate just forwarded me this picture from the bins round the back of Madame Tussauds #HarryandMeghan pic.twitter.com/JFjwYFhkSH — christhebarker TRUMP IS A FOOL (@christhebarker) January 9, 2020
5.
I can't believe Madame Tussauds has removed the wax works of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry from royal family display and added this frankly abysmal one of Piers Morgan pic.twitter.com/vlMl956Kep — Will Black (@WillBlackWriter) January 9, 2020
6.
Is it just me or is this not a bit pathetic? 🙄
https://t.co/1nNpDab8LN — Jo🌻 (@joelymack) January 9, 2020
7.
Great PR Stunt. Madame Tussauds separates Harry and Meghan’s waxworks from the rest of the Royal Family.#megexit pic.twitter.com/dF4KmyOwIW — Andrew Bloch (@AndrewBloch) January 9, 2020
8.
Say it with me: there never were a Harry and Meghan…https://t.co/F3FOFWZsHJ — Beau (@DrBeauBeaumont) January 9, 2020
9.
Okay NOW it’s a drama!!!! https://t.co/ODkWMzjKZ7 — Pete Burns’ Confiscated Coat (@harrisonjbrock) January 9, 2020
10.
Australia is on fire, America is at war with Iran, Puerto Rico still without power or running water. Meanwhile, in the UK, we achieve peak levels of pettiness 🤦🏻♀https://t.co/vcqfkvnOxH — Viv Heaton (@viv_heaton) January 9, 2020
In the light of quite a backlash, Madame Tussauds clarified their reasoning.
We’ve got to respect their wishes 🤷♂ #Megxit pic.twitter.com/mb936VcqRd — Madame Tussauds London (@MadameTussauds) January 9, 2020
One question that nobody seems to be asking is whether the models were moved before or after the Sussexes announcement, because …Voodoo. Just saying.
READ MORE
22 majestic reactions to Harry and Meghan stepping back from the Royal Family
Source standard.co.uk Image standard.co.uk


thepoke--2020-01-10--Well, that escalated quickly – people get truly heated about Subway sandwiches

We ’ ve seen the passions that rise when the subject of cream and scones is raised , not to @ @ @ @ @ is a Jaffa Cake ?
” debate , but we never expected to see this @ @ @ @ @ sandwich fillings .
Sorcha Ní Nia ‘ s post got a footlong serving of love @ @ @

Weird World
We’ve seen the passions that rise when the subject of cream and scones is raised, not to mention the old “What is a Jaffa Cake?” debate, but we never expected to see this degree of intensity over Subway sandwich fillings.
please if you do one thing today read this alarmingly heated argument about subway sandwiches – I might need gas and air pic.twitter.com/Qz9ChyaNq8 — Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) 9 January 2020
Sorcha Ní Nia‘s post got a footlong serving of love from Twitter.
Finish your drink before reading https://t.co/FBN7MLYPFk — Eleanor Goldsmith 🏴🇳🇿🇯🇵🇪🇺🍵 (@zaichishka) January 9, 2020
I just laughed until I had a coughing fit. 😂
WHAT IS A CAPISCUM?! https://t.co/aOPd3xWIvK — Joanne Bell (@jobellerina) January 9, 2020
This thread legit just sent my soul on to its next incarnation from laughing so hard, y'all. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 https://t.co/lW7204Hwb2 — aj ~ SmutPlum Fairy-Heaux 🐲🏹👑 (@ariestess69) January 9, 2020
@n3li_m @cracked @heuteshow @LennieMerrick1
some People get upset About which way to hang the toilet roll others start name-calling over subway salads/ toppings/ whatever. https://t.co/LCXjk4rtUy — Nicht wichtig (@BlueNicht) January 9, 2020
Mike Symonds Esq. had a simple wish.
This little exchange made me smile, a lot. If only people could argue over Subway toppings (or salad), rather than less meaningful things, the world would be a far better place for it https://t.co/lRyGR068af — Mike Symonds Esq. (@symmo1969) January 9, 2020
We hear you, Mike.
Source @Luiseach Image @Luiseach, @eaterscollective on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-10--Mark Francois wants Big Ben bongs for Brexit – 5 timely takedowns

The UK will leave the EU on the 31st of January and the ERG ’ s unofficial spokesperson , Mark @ @ @ @ @ on about how the moment should be celebrated with the chimes of Big Ben .
@ @ @ @ @ his case to the House of Commons .
We ’ re pretty sure people are @ @ @ @ @ UK has left the EU because they ’ ll hear Nigel Farage ’ s relevance @ @ @ @ @ pieces .
Francois ’ request has been met with a certain level of mockery , @ @ @ @ @ ÉcritureF pointed out how totally apt the move would be .

Twitter
The UK will leave the EU on the 31st of January and the ERG’s unofficial spokesperson, Mark Francois, has been prattling on about how the moment should be celebrated with the chimes of Big Ben.
Here he is, putting his case to the House of Commons.
“Big Ben should bong for Brexit.” Mark Francois says he wants Parliament’s iconic bell to mark the moment the UK leaves the EU at 11pm on 31 January. pic.twitter.com/v9aBIewNVv — Channel 4 News (@Channel4News) 9 January 2020
We’re pretty sure people are going to know that the UK has left the EU because they’ll hear Nigel Farage’s relevance loudly shattering into a thousand pieces.
Francois’ request has been met with a certain level of mockery, like this:
1.
“Mark Francois reportedly willing to go up Big Ben with hammer and 'bong' it himself” Meh, give him a hammer. It’d be hilarious. https://t.co/Jvn0LroH4o — Mike Galsworthy (@mikegalsworthy) January 9, 2020
2.
3.
Don't be surprised to see me scaling the nation's biggest cock on January 31st. https://t.co/vviia133Yb — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP 🇬🇧 (@MarkFrancois12) January 9, 2020
4.
so that 16 million Britons can feel even worse. One nation. Yeah right. https://t.co/RklMOuOU1K — Simon Schama (@simon_schama) January 9, 2020
5.
It could ring out every time a job is lost as a result of Brexit. There would be a national outbreak of tinnitus. — cakey pig (@PigCakey) 9 January 2020
Tweeter @ÉcritureF pointed out how totally apt the move would be.
Big ben has fall silent for essential restoration to bring it up to date with 21st century; oh, the irony. Mark wankdrizzle Francois want to climb up and bong the fuck out of it – is this a euphemism? https://t.co/veGsJ94pFD — Écriture Féminine 🗿🌹🇪🇺 (@EcritureF) January 9, 2020
Can’t. Wait.
Source Channel 4 Image Channel 4, @henry_be on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-01-10--Simply 15 nice things that made us feel good this week

Our weekly round up of some things we saw this week that made us feel a little less dead inside @ @ @ @ @ world isn ’ t always a big old steaming pile of turds .

Pics
Our weekly round up of some things we saw this week that made us feel a little less dead inside and reminded us that the world isn’t always a big old steaming pile of turds.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Have you ever seen a Badger doing a double take? Well this was Mrs Lumpy who couldn’t believe that Baby Bumpy had pinched a biscuit from right under her nose ❤ pic.twitter.com/7EaV6l7huc — Mr Lumpy & Friends (@LumpyandFriends) January 3, 2020
5.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but Googling ‘Quokkas smiling’ will improve your day by 76% pic.twitter.com/PdlIIWLcGW — Debbie ⭐ (@Omnishambles85) January 4, 2020
6.
Meanwhile in Michigan, my parents’ cat just got booped by a fawn. pic.twitter.com/cho0LpIDlR — Amanda Grigg (@grigg) January 4, 2020
7.
Baby Goats Doing Goat Things pic.twitter.com/k6q5Fh2sbk — Back To Nature (@backt0nature) January 5, 2020
8.
Touching moment of the week here ❤ Rui Patricio spots this mascot feeling the cold in the tunnel before the game and offers them his coat pic.twitter.com/qrmlHwWyG6 — BT Sport (@btsport) January 7, 2020
9.
A mini snow storm popped up while I was out on the trails. It didn’t rush this Downy Woodpecker in making her peanut selection. Love the dismount. pic.twitter.com/JgoxEJkyQb — Jocelyn Anderson Photography (@JocAPhotography) January 5, 2020
10.
11.
Maybe the greatest airport reunion ever pic.twitter.com/0PIfiwNrzm — Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) January 8, 2020
12.
Pupper at the beach pic.twitter.com/ZwwaCCFZ3y — cute n squishy (@_Cute_n_Squish) January 7, 2020
13.
This should be the plot of Toy Story 5 pic.twitter.com/sy9wH1wmNE — octopus/caveman (@OctopusCaveman) January 8, 2020
14.
some things are too good and pure for this world and this is it pic.twitter.com/Qncu8T9V3x — MCM Comic Con (@MCMComicCon) January 8, 2020
15.


thepoke--2020-01-10--Eamonn Holmes slagged off Meghan Markle as ‘awful, weak, manipulative, spoilt’ – only 5 responses yo

Eamonn Holmes slagged off Meghan Markle as ‘awful, weak, manipulative, spoilt’ – only 5 responses you need

Eamonn Holmes – sorry – has been making headlines for himself today after laying into Meghan Markle over the Duke and Duchess of Sussex ’ s announcement they were stepping back from royal duties ( you may have read a bit about it ) .
Holmes was talking on his must-listen drivetime show on digital radio station Talk Radio .
Here ’ s what he had to say about Markle despite never having met her or anything like that .
‘ I just find her incredibly irritating .
I ’ ve never met her , but I look at her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ think I ’ d like you in real life ” .
‘ You ’ re just that awful , woke , weak , manipulative , spoilt… What I have met is lots of people in TV series and movie stars and whatever from America , who are mollycoddled beyond people with PR people around them .
‘ And maybe she ’ s just somewhat spoilt .
‘ They may well both be somewhat damaged , but she ’ s a manipulator , she ’ s a controller , mark my words.
’ And @ @ @ @ @ @ @ need .
Oh , and this .
If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan , make it this one

Twitter
Eamonn Holmes – sorry – has been making headlines for himself today after laying into Meghan Markle over the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s announcement they were stepping back from royal duties (you may have read a bit about it).
Holmes was talking on his must-listen drivetime show on digital radio station Talk Radio. Here’s what he had to say about Markle despite never having met her or anything like that.
Here’s Eamonn Holmes describing Meghan, someone he’s never met and knows nothing about as ‘manipulative’ and ‘spoilt’, while misusing the term ‘woke’. ‘I look at her and I think I don’t think I’d like you’? You wot? These pundits are utterly demented. pic.twitter.com/ATZaxbgvFF — E.H.James (@EddieHenryJames) January 10, 2020
‘I just find her incredibly irritating. I’ve never met her, but I look at her and think “I don’t think I’d like you in real life”. ‘You’re just that awful, woke, weak, manipulative, spoilt… What I have met is lots of people in TV series and movie stars and whatever from America, who are mollycoddled beyond people with PR people around them. ‘And maybe she’s just somewhat spoilt. ‘They may well both be somewhat damaged, but she’s a manipulator, she’s a controller, mark my words.’
And these are the only 5 replies you need.
1.
Eamonn Holmes:
“I’ve never met Meghan but I look at her and think ‘I don’t think I’d like you in real life.'” Me:
“I’ve never met Eamonn Holmes but I look at him and think ‘my god you’re an almighty cunt.'” — Sid (@HertsSid) January 10, 2020
2.
Eamonn Holmes’ comments on Megan Markle really do justify why Harry & Megan are right to walk away from it all.
No one should have to hear people talk about them this way, helpless because they can’t really respond. It’s really disrespectful comments about someone you’ve not met — T r o i (@TroiBoy) January 10, 2020
3.
Let’s have a quick list of the men, that #MeghanAndHarry exit, is upsetting: Piers Morgan
Brendan O’Neill
Rod Liddle
Eamonn Holmes Jesus this is delicious. I can literally taste the salt from the gammon tears. pic.twitter.com/sIfACM7IFG — Baz 🏴 (@Bazilldon) January 10, 2020
4.
Eamonn Holmes defines what prejudice is, for people who’ve forgotten. “I’ve never met her but I look at her and think (place obnoxious word/opinion/phrase here.)” — Graham P (@gwpurnell) January 9, 2020
5.
My much missed late mother in law, great woman that she was, utterly despised Eamonn Holmes. Despite never meeting him she really, truly despised him. She just looked at him and thought she wouldn’t like him in real life.
How right she was. A nasty wee man. https://t.co/B77kEUzCmF — OlwenMcG (@olwenmcg) January 10, 2020
Oh, and this.
Eamonn Holmes, even though he has never met her, has described Meghan Markle as incredibly irritating which, coincidently, is how every person who has met Eamonn Holmes has described him. — The Poke (@ThePoke) January 10, 2020
READ MORE
If you read only one Daily Mail reader comment about Harry and Meghan, make it this one


thepoke--2020-01-10--This clip of Ross Kemp facing down a guy who pulled a gun on him is jaw-dropping stuff

You might have seen the Ross Kemp clip that ’ s gone viral after the former EastEnder tried Spice in his new prison documentary for ITV .
The clip prompted composer , musician and all-round Twitter good guy @ MrNickHarvey to share another clip from 5 years ago which he reckons is even more extraordinary .
And he reckons right .
We take it all back , Ross , we really do .
Kemp later said of the incident , which featured in his – Google , Google – Extreme World documentary series : “ You know if you get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you ’ re going to become a victim .
What they ’ re going to do… you just don ’ t know .
I don ’ t know to this day if they were going to hurt us .
Or if they were just testing us , testing our mettle to see if we ’ d capitulate , and because we didn ’ t , we earned respect I think.
” Although some people still didn ’ t believe it .
Tough crowd .
Not as tough as Kemp though .
People are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his new ITV documentary

Videos
You might have seen the Ross Kemp clip that’s gone viral after the former EastEnder tried Spice in his new prison documentary for ITV.
The clip prompted composer, musician and all-round Twitter good guy @MrNickHarvey to share another clip from 5 years ago which he reckons is even more extraordinary. And he reckons right.
A lot of people are sharing the Ross Kemp on spice video, but I’ve worked on a number of his documentaries over the years, and this clip, when a gun was pulled on him in Papua New Guinea, is even more extraordinary. pic.twitter.com/y8ADCRhJoD — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) January 10, 2020
We take it all back, Ross, we really do.
Jesus Christ! — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) January 10, 2020
Indeed. I would have actually shit my pants. — Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) January 10, 2020
SUPER ARMY SOLDIER — Garry Bacon (@gbacon85) January 10, 2020
Props to the camera and boom operator still going about their jobs. — Aaron Jones (@ReelWeddingsUK) January 10, 2020
I mean it’s good, but I still think my tactic of sobbing uncontrollably and soling myself would be equally effective. — Olly Ricketts (@OllyRicketts) January 10, 2020
If the camera hadn’t been there it would have been an anecdote no one would have believed! — Mary Harris (@maryharristw) January 10, 2020
Kemp later said of the incident, which featured in his – Google, Google – Extreme World documentary series:
“You know if you get down on your hands and knees, you’re going to become a victim. What they’re going to do… you just don’t know. I don’t know to this day if they were going to hurt us. Or if they were just testing us, testing our mettle to see if we’d capitulate, and because we didn’t, we earned respect I think.”
Although some people still didn’t believe it.
That was so obviously staged, I cringed. — EssaLuiz (@essaluiz4) January 10, 2020
Tough crowd. Not as tough as Kemp though.
READ MORE
People are enjoying watching Ross Kemp try Spice in his new ITV documentary
Source @MrNickHarvey


thepoke--2020-01-10--People are enjoying watching Ross Kemp try Spice in his new ITV documentary

Ross Kemp was back on ITV last night in a documentary about Belmarsh Prison and there was one moment in @ @ @ @ @ .
It was when the former EastEnder tried a little bit of Spice for the @ @ @ @ @ fair to say that , well , have a watch for yourself .
And here @ @ @ @ @ the things people were saying about it .
It wasn ’ t the only memorable @ @ @ @ @ There was also this when he put Tommy Robinson firmly in his place .
Just @ @ @ @ @ Kemp looking dramatic and then exiting the frame

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Ross Kemp was back on ITV last night in a documentary about Belmarsh Prison and there was one moment in particular that got people talking.
It was when the former EastEnder tried a little bit of Spice for the cameras and it’s fair to say that, well, have a watch for yourself.
Ross Kemp is absolutely box office mate this vid is almost as good as “You gonna kill me!? No ones gonna facking kill me!” – Ross Kemp unable to speak after accidentally inhaling spice for prison documentary – “I can actually feel that!” 😂 Gold! pic.twitter.com/Fc4v6JSFIx — Mia Finn (@mia_finn_) January 9, 2020
And here were just a few of the things people were saying about it.
When your mum asks you how your night was after you've just got back to the gaff buzzing your nuts off pic.twitter.com/Esbp2UIhoo — Tom Usher (@tom_usher_) January 10, 2020
That picture of Ross Kemp inhaling spice should become a national icon. Put it on a stamp. Frame it in the National Portrait Gallery. Involve it in a Cold War Steve work or a Banksy. Stick it on T-shirts and tattoo designs. It's an image for the ages. pic.twitter.com/yeeEmcFp1f — Simon Price (@simon_price01) January 10, 2020
Ross Kemp feeling the effects of that spice… pic.twitter.com/ABacIF9yqs — Charlie Taylor (@CharlesTaylor99) January 8, 2020
Lynn, it’s Alan, one for us to pitch to ITV, “Ross Kemp on Spice” …. pic.twitter.com/WpwhTtSnML — Rockcliffe Files (@RockcliffeFiles) January 9, 2020
It wasn’t the only memorable moment from the documentary. There was also this when he put Tommy Robinson firmly in his place.
#TommyRobinson, "… 10 weeks in solitary confinement" Ross Kemp's response is magnificent, "It's not solitary confinement as in terms of… 'the Cooler', it's not a box with nothing in it" pic.twitter.com/MaD4GVNjcY — Rich '77 punk (@77Pnk) January 8, 2020
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Just a fabulous supercut of Ross Kemp looking dramatic and then exiting the frame


thepoke--2020-01-10--This Donald Trump fanatic was asked to name one thing he’s done well and his answer says it all

He ’ s at a Donald Trump rally and he ’ s wearing a Donald Trump hat so he ’ @ @ @ @ @ big fan of Donald Trump , right ?
So he ’ d have no problem @ @ @ @ @ question – what is something that you believe Donald Trump has done well ?
And @ @ @ @ @ it is – says it all .
Well he ’ s only a young lad @ @ @ @ @ a bit like Radio 2 ’ s PopMaster – so much easier to answer the @ @ @ @ @ not on air .
Watching Donald Trump trying to say ‘ tolerated ’ is 8 @ @ @

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He’s at a Donald Trump rally and he’s wearing a Donald Trump hat so he’s gotta be a big fan of Donald Trump, right?
So he’d have no problem in answering this apparently simple question – what is something that you believe Donald Trump has done well?
And his answer – such as it is – says it all.
What is something that you believe the president has done well? pic.twitter.com/UlFeaOtTVR — Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) January 10, 2020
Well he’s only a young lad and maybe it’s a bit like Radio 2’s PopMaster – so much easier to answer the questions when you’re not on air.
Still might be the best pro Trump argument I've heard. — Dan McClure (@Dan__McClure) January 10, 2020
She totally asked him a trick question! — (@HajjiAndreas) January 10, 2020
Amazing response to the question "name one thing Trump's done well" from a man who loves Trump so much they're attending a Trump rally in a MAGA hatpic.twitter.com/lc3gqjwk8D — James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 10, 2020
He summed it up well actually. — Charlotte Leigh (@OHarrysChar) January 10, 2020
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Watching Donald Trump trying to say ‘tolerated’ is 8 seconds well spent
Source @JimMFelton


thepoke--2020-01-13--This guy’s query about dodgy driving didn’t elicit the police response he was expecting

This driver thought he was doing the decent thing by tweeting police with this picture of what he assumed might @ @ @ @ @ of this lorry driver .
And the police responded to confirm that yes , indeed @ @ @ @ @ Just not in the way he was expecting .
Arresting stuff .
( But what @ @ @ @ @ though ? )
This guy aggressively tailgated this ambulance and the paramedic ’ s response @ @ @ @

Twitter
This driver thought he was doing the decent thing by tweeting police with this picture of what he assumed might be dubious driving on behalf of this lorry driver.
And the police responded to confirm that yes, indeed, it was illegal. Just not in the way he was expecting.
Arresting stuff. (But what about the lorry driver, though?)
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This guy aggressively tailgated this ambulance and the paramedic’s response will have you cheering
Source Reddit


thepoke--2020-01-13--This seller had the perfect response for the timewaster trying to get his bike on the cheap

In today ’ s edition of people making outrageous demands from people selling stuff online comes this guy who tried @ @ @ @ @ the cheap because he had to drive for an hour to come and collect it @ @ @ @ @ of totally unwarranted abuse , the seller had the perfect response .
I wonder if @ @ @ @ @ around looking for my house , ’ said KawasakiKadet who shared it on Reddit .
@ @ @ @ @ a £5 bag was ‘ collection only ’ and his fury is something to behold

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In today’s edition of people making outrageous demands from people selling stuff online comes this guy who tried to get a bike on the cheap because he had to drive for an hour to come and collect it.
After receiving no end of totally unwarranted abuse, the seller had the perfect response.
‘
I wonder if he’s still driving around looking for my house,’ said KawasakiKadet who shared it on Reddit.
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This guy got mad because a £5 bag was ‘collection only’ and his fury is something to behold
Source Reddit u/KawasakiKadet


thepoke--2020-01-13--Favourite 2-star review of the week

Favourite 2-star review of the week

Lots of people ( and their dogs ) seem very happy with this doggy chew bones .
Just not Kimberley @ @ @ @ @ takedown of this unfair 1-star review was forensic , polite and brutal

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Lots of people (and their dogs) seem very happy with these doggy chew bones. Just not Kimberly.
‘Kimberly gives 0 fucks,’ said KSpaceBear.
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This restaurant’s takedown of this unfair 1-star review was forensic, polite and brutal
Source Reddit u/KSpaceBear


thepoke--2020-01-13--‘The things you deal with as a waiter’

‘The things you deal with as a waiter’

‘ The things you deal with as a waiter , ’ says nickbossbat over on Reddit .
And it struck a chord with waiters ( and parents ) alike .
verrine98 : ‘ Lmao I am a server at a sushi bar and I had one parent tell me “ My son doesn ’ t eat fish , seafood , chicken , veggies and beef.
” I just answered : “ So just rice then ?
” What kind of parent does that to their kid lol.
’ Liithonen : ‘ I never took my kid out dining during the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve been me if I ’ d done it.
’ TehPinkMenace : ‘ I once had someone order a side salad to go where I worked and a default side salad comes with lettuce onion tomato croutons and parmesan .
The ticket read : Side salad remove croutons lettuce tomato onion .
I literally put two small packets of parm in a small to go box and the person never called back or complained about it .
They paid $ 4.99 for 2 small packs of parm .
When they could have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I dont fucking understand people.
’ allgreentome : ‘ I work in a restaurant at the airport .
About once a year I think “ You still have time , you could meet a woman and have a kid.
” Then Christmas comes and families take over for a couple weeks , and I ’ m cured.
’ mommybananas : ‘ Did the dad say the out loud in front of his party of 4 ?
Or did the waiter add that ?
’

‘The things you deal with as a waiter,’ says nickbossbat over on Reddit.
And it struck a chord with waiters (and parents) alike.
verrine98: ‘Lmao I am a server at a sushi bar and I had one parent tell me “My son doesn’t eat fish, seafood, chicken, veggies and beef.” I just answered: “So just rice then?” What kind of parent does that to their kid lol.’
Liithonen: ‘I never took my kid out dining during the “terrible threes” but this would’ve been me if I’d done it.’
TehPinkMenace: ‘I once had someone order a side salad to go where I worked and a default side salad comes with lettuce onion tomato croutons and parmesan. The ticket read: Side salad remove croutons lettuce tomato onion. I literally put two small packets of parm in a small to go box and the person never called back or complained about it. They paid $4.99 for 2 small packs of parm. When they could have just asked for it for free. I dont fucking understand people.’
allgreentome: ‘I work in a restaurant at the airport. About once a year I think “You still have time, you could meet a woman and have a kid.” Then Christmas comes and families take over for a couple weeks, and I’m cured.’
mommybananas: ‘Did the dad say the out loud in front of his party of 4? Or did the waiter add that?’
MalachiteCobra: ‘Definitely the waiter lol.’


thepoke--2020-01-13--This 4-second ball-in-a-cup trick really is next level stuff

Whatever level you and I are operating on , this guy is one level above us .
‘ When you @ @ @ @ @ universe , ’ said capitalbad on Reddit .
‘ If you ’ ve had a @ @ @ @ @ girl show her daddy a magic trick ’

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Whatever level you and I are operating on, this guy is one level above us. Minimum.
‘When you understand the workings of the universe,’ said capitalbad on Reddit.
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‘If you’ve had a rough week watch this little girl show her daddy a magic trick’
Source Reddit u/capitalbad


thepoke--2020-01-13--This headline about Communist dolphins is unlikely to be bettered this year

We know it ’ s early days , but we ’ re reasonably sure that this story from @ Militarydotcom @ @ @ @ @ strong contender for ‘ Headline of the Year ’ by December .
A headline like @ @ @ @ @ pass through Twitter unscathed , and we loved these five reactions .
I , for @ @ @ @ @ dolphin overlords .

Weird World
We know it’s early days, but we’re reasonably sure that this story from @Militarydotcom is going to be a strong contender for ‘Headline of the Year’ by December.
Iran May Have a Fleet of Communist Killer Dolphins https://t.co/mwGJcMuoaZ — Military.com (@Militarydotcom) January 9, 2020
A headline like that was never going to pass through Twitter unscathed, and we loved these five reactions.
1.
2.
Critical support for our dolphin comrades. https://t.co/9sOWorXMnJ — Anarchopac (@anarchopac) January 10, 2020
3.
I want it on record that MY killer dolphin fleet accepts only pro free trade social democrats. https://t.co/CKsRkViakD — Dmitry Grozoubinski (@DmitryOpines) January 11, 2020
4.
Theyre actually anarcho-syndaclist dolphins, but the confusion is understandable — funko pope (@D_A_Clarke) 10 January 2020
5.
They'll never defeat my horde of neoliberal amphibious attack rabbits https://t.co/ZhnLPNqddM — Noah Smith (@Noahpinion) January 10, 2020
A couple of people shared these excellent images.
I, for one, welcome our Communist dolphin overlords.
Source Military Image Andreas


thepoke--2020-01-13--Someone trolled the Cats movie Twitter account and it really rubbed them the wrong way

As if the people behind the Cats musical movie hadn ’ t suffered enough , they had to put up @ @ @ @ @ The person who runs the film ’ s Twitter account could feel a bit of @ @ @ @ @ got in touch – finally !
– to say how much they enjoyed it .
@ @ @ @ @ what they thought and it really rubbed them up the wrong way .
‘ Yet @ @ @ @ @ ve saw coming , ’ said @ decentbirthday who shared the exchange on Twitter .
@ @ @ @ @ the new Cats film is rubbing people up the wrong way

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As if the people behind the Cats movie hadn’t suffered enough, they have to put up with people like this.
The person who runs the film’s Twitter account could feel a bit of light relief coming when someone got in touch – finally! – to say how much they enjoyed it.
Except it wasn’t what they thought and it really rubbed them up the wrong way.
‘Yet another thing they should’ve saw coming,’ said @decentbirthday who shared the exchange on Twitter.
Meow!
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The reviews are in and the new Cats film is rubbing people up the wrong way
Source Twitter @decentbirthday H/T Reddit u/Amey7


thepoke--2020-01-13--‘Today I babysat my son for the first time while his mother was out’

It ’ s hard work having a baby – a lot of hard work – so you ’ ve got @ @ @ @ @ you can find it , right ?
Not sure this would have been our first @ @ @ @ @ us smile .
The post prompted no end of comments about how you can ’ @ @ @ @ @ own kid , none of which need bother us here .
Instead , let ’ @ @ @ @ @ .
This dad takes hilarious pictures of his “ advanced ” baby

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It’s hard work having a baby – a lot of hard work – so you’ve got to have your fun where you can find it, right?
Not sure this would have been our first idea but it’s very clever and it did make us smile.
‘Today I babysat my son for the first time while his mother was out,’ said AFistFulOfRupees on Reddit.
The post prompted no end of comments about how you can’t ‘babysit’ your own kid, none of which need bother us here.
Instead, let’s end with this one.
Messisfoot: ‘Why is your baby dressed up as a 50 year old accountant?’
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This dad takes hilarious pictures of his “advanced” baby
Source Reddit u/AFistFulOfRupees