thepoke--2020-05-05--The only 5 reactions you need to Boris Johnson saying his baby gave him the will to live

Since leaving hospital , Boris Johnson appears to have been dropping details of his illness each day in a series @ @ @ @ @ week , he told the Sun what it was that had helped him find the @ @ @ @ @ .
Author James Felton saw the possibilities of Johnson ’ s revelation .
Robert Peston @ @ @ @ @ s new baby would change him and it didn ’ t go well – 9 @ @

News
Since leaving hospital, Boris Johnson appears to have been dropping details of his illness each day in a series of soundbites.
Earlier this week, he told the Sun what it was that had helped him find the strength to fight the illness.
Parody of a paper. Absolute gutter journalism. What about his other kids? Did they not give him the will to live? Total bollocks. They're running a feel Sorry for Boris Johnson propaganda campaign. #dontbuythesun #COVIDー19 pic.twitter.com/Xly6CYEIf0 — Jon Jones (@JonJonesSnr) May 4, 2020
1.
JOHNSON: Our baby gave me the will to live when I was in ICU.
INTERVIEWER: Which baby?
JOHNSON: Er… The one we called after whatshisname the doctor bonzo.
INTERVIEWER: Wilfred?
JOHNSON: Who? pic.twitter.com/fazYMgjLwo — William Wall (@williamwallbook) May 4, 2020
2.
"Please don't hit me… my wife is having a baby" pic.twitter.com/kuGI3qRPya — Richard Littler (@richard_littler) May 4, 2020
3.
If only the 28,446 people who've died in the UK had had a baby or a will to live pic.twitter.com/wwxPyntcgk — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 3, 2020
4.
“This particular baby gave me the will to live but not any of the other 6-9.” pic.twitter.com/JxDZEEIXWv — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) May 3, 2020
5.
Author James Felton saw the possibilities of Johnson’s revelation.
"We found a cure!"
"What is it?"
"It won't work on everybody, mind"
"Ok"
"Or most people"
"Just tell me the fucking cure, Greg"
"You need an 8th or 9th kid to live for" — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
Robert Peston asked if Boris Johnson’s new baby would change him and it didn’t go well – 9 favourite replies
Image The Sun via James Felton, ITV


thepoke--2020-05-05--This cat perfectly executing its plan to lock in the dog is simply next level stuff

Everyone knows that cats are smarter than dogs , a lot , lot smarter .
But this cat – well @ @ @ @ @ a different plane entirely .
Witness how it executes its plan to securely lock in @ @ @ @ @ And just some of our favourite things people said about it .
This cat thinking @ @ @ @ @ this dog is 36 seconds very well spent

Pics
Everyone knows that cats are smarter than dogs, a lot, lot smarter. But this cat – well, it’s on a different plane entirely. Witness how it executes its plan to securely lock in this dog to perfection.
My cat just locked up my dog lmfaooooo💀😂 pic.twitter.com/stHx7Pb7oy — mango angelo (@DakotaLameHumor) May 2, 2020
Next level stuff!
And just some of our favourite things people said about it.
Cats proving ONCE AGAIN they are the superior animal. — Dani (🐯 15-0 🏆) (@DanielleV_89) May 3, 2020
AND had the nerve to make the dog think it was a game… got the dog running in excited like “now what pal??!??” And the cat is like “that’s it k bye” 😂 — Brooke (@wonderland449) May 3, 2020
the dog pic.twitter.com/FdvffUjClp — Big Celleo From the Kokomo (@Cellustharula90) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
This cat thinking long and hard about hitting this dog is 36 seconds very well spent
Source Twitter @DakotaLameHumor H/T Reddit u/cyXie


thepoke--2020-05-05--‘Quite funny to be honest’

‘Quite funny to be honest’

‘ Quite funny to be honest , ’ says u/rahul4112 over on Reddit .
Nailed it .
Alas , the @ @ @ @ @ teenage fans of Donald Trump turns out to be a spoof .
Still , quite @ @ @ @ @ this woman ’ s Pulitzer win a ‘ disgrace ’ and her comeback deserves a @ @ @ @

Twitter
‘Quite funny to be honest,’ says u/rahul4112 over on Reddit.
Nailed it. Alas, the Republican Party Twitter feed for teenage fans of Donald Trump turns out to be a spoof. Still, quite funny.
READ MORE
A guy called this woman’s Pulitzer win a ‘disgrace’ and her comeback deserves a prize all its own
Source Reddit u/rahul4112


thepoke--2020-05-07--These 15 colouring-in pages have had a certificate 18 makeover – NSFW

Although there are plenty of grown-up colouring books these days , some adults prefer the ones meant for children , @ @ @ @ @ staying inside the lines .
The Coloring Book Corruptions website shares examples of pictures coloured @ @ @ @ @ strayed quite far from the original feel – into definitely NSFW territory .
Some are @ @ @ @ @ offended .
6 .
One of these things is not like the other ones 7 @ @ @ @ @ honey ?
8 .
Foxes gon na fox – even the cute ones

Pics
Although there are plenty of grown-up colouring books these days, some adults prefer the ones meant for children, but they’re not staying inside the lines.
The Coloring Book Corruptions website shares examples of pictures coloured in by adults that have strayed quite far from the original feel – into definitely NSFW territory.
Some are definitely not for the easily offended.
1. A mermaid’s got to eat
2. Isn’t that just a normal clown?
3. Oh, Marge!
4. The Walking Dead – director’s cut
5. It’s not wrong
6. One of these things is not like the other ones
7. What was in that honey?
8. Foxes gonna fox – even the cute ones


thepoke--2020-05-07--Chrissy Teigen’s socially distant massage plans are hilarious – but a bit too real

Model Chrissy Teigen has been in lockdown with her husband and young children , like so many other people , @ @ @ @ @ for a nice relaxing massage .
We ’ re all laughing , but that ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ll accept until there ’ s a vaccine .
If anything , the handle @ @ @ @ @ with an extension .
The funny video has been lightening people ’ s lockdown moods @ @ @ @ @ was precedent for this even before the lockdown .
Chrissy Teigen turned this troll ’ @ @ @ @ @ and had the internet cheering

Videos
Model Chrissy Teigen has been in lockdown with her husband and young children, like so many other people, and she’s ready for a nice relaxing massage.
truly so beautiful, cannot wait pic.twitter.com/AAiDOU1vHc — chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 5, 2020
We’re all laughing, but that’s the bare minimum we’ll accept until there’s a vaccine. If anything, the handle on the plunger could do with an extension.
The funny video has been lightening people’s lockdown moods.
The TLC we could all use right now. https://t.co/qrBiGLSsA2 — Dana Nessel (@dananessel) May 5, 2020
I’d actually pay good money for this rn… https://t.co/lkxNTuIsWh — Brian Michael Smith (@TheBrianMichael) May 6, 2020
I will be the first in line 🙏🏻 https://t.co/Euh2WHT3dA — Danielle Michaud (@SNMichaud) May 6, 2020
Of course, there was precedent for this even before the lockdown.
READ MORE
Chrissy Teigen turned this troll’s abuse on its head and had the internet cheering
Source Chrissy Teigen Image Chrissy Teigen


thepoke--2020-05-07--This Costco customer got totally owned for her criticism of their coronavirus safety policy

The US had barely gone into lockdown before mass protest gatherings began , so it ’ s no surprise that some people object strongly to being asked to cover their faces in public .
The wholesale chain , Costco , has a mandatory mask policy to protect its staff and customers , but one of those customers objected .
In a now-deleted post , the woman – identified only as “ Sharon ” – put this on Facebook : What happened next turned up in the subreddit forum , Murdered by Words , and that ’ s exactly the place @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out is a parody , unsurprisingly , but the point still stands , and the real Costco account was inundated with supportive remarks , such as “ Thank you for requiring masks !
I can ’ t wait to renew my membership for another year and continue to support you because you treat your employees well , you treat your customers well and now you have shown to make sensible , responsible and needed decisions in light of the coronavirus pandemic , ” In fact , Costco ’ s policy is completely in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s advice , so Sharon may struggle to find a company that doesn ’ t demand masks .
Someone tried to use maths to criticise a homelessness policy and got murdered with words

Pics
The US had barely gone into lockdown before mass protest gatherings began, so it’s no surprise that some people object strongly to being asked to cover their faces in public.
The wholesale chain, Costco, has a mandatory mask policy to protect its staff and customers, but one of those customers objected.
In a now-deleted post, the woman – identified only as “Sharon” – put this on Facebook:
What happened next turned up in the subreddit forum, Murdered by Words, and that’s exactly the place for it.
The account calling her out is a parody, unsurprisingly, but the point still stands, and the real Costco account was inundated with supportive remarks, such as
“Thank you for requiring masks! I can’t wait to renew my membership for another year and continue to support you because you treat your employees well, you treat your customers well and now you have shown to make sensible, responsible and needed decisions in light of the coronavirus pandemic,”
“Whoever is running Costco‘s social media needs a damn pay raise because holy moly those replies to Karen (Sharon) were #savageAF,”
“I’ve never had a Costco membership. About to sign up!”
In fact, Costco’s policy is completely in line with the Center for Disease Control’s advice, so Sharon may struggle to find a company that doesn’t demand masks.
READ MORE
Someone tried to use maths to criticise a homelessness policy and got murdered with words
Source r/MurderedByWords H/T Raw Story Image r/MurderedByWords, Anna Shvets on Pexels


thepoke--2020-05-07--Rishi Sunak thinks workers are addicted to being on furlough – 8 favourite reactions

The government ’ s furlough scheme has only made it to one payment and already there are rumblings that it @ @ @ @ @ back .
A report in the Times claims workers will be “ weaned ” off @ @ @ @ @ afraid they are “ addicted ” to furlough .
She wasn ’ t the only @ @ @ @ @ a solution to the problem of spiralling costs .
Petition to get him a question @ @ @ @ @ , anyone ?
8 funny reactions to the Sun editor ’ s Downing Street question @ @

News
The government’s furlough scheme has only made it to one payment and already there are rumblings that it is about to be cut back.
A report in the Times claims workers will be “weaned” off the help as ministers are afraid they are “addicted” to furlough.
Labour’s Angela Rayner was appalled.
“Wean” people off support? Stop them becoming “addicted”? What dreadful terms to use against workers who through no fault of their own have been told to stay away from work as #Coronavirus pandemic hits, they still have bills to pay, food to buy etc 😡 https://t.co/TADZIcYVqE — 🌈 Angela Rayner 🌈 (@AngelaRayner) May 6, 2020
She wasn’t the only one.
1.
NEWS: Chancellor tipped for summer's hottest pop knee-trembler with 'Addicted to Furlough'. pic.twitter.com/vKvTGALt7B — Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) May 6, 2020
2.
[involuntarily takes furlough from employer in scheme offered by government in response to an actual pandemic] Government:
You fucking addict pic.twitter.com/uzItHjZu0b — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 5, 2020
3.
Sunak: *introduces three month furlough scheme because people are physically unable to work during lockdown* Sunak, halfway through the scheme he implemented: “You lot might as well be on fucking crack. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get back to work, you lazy cunts.” pic.twitter.com/5gbke5jCZg — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) May 5, 2020
4.
Fearing Britain is "addicted" to the furlough scheme is like fearing the guy dangling by a rope over a cliff edge is "addicted" to the rope. pic.twitter.com/rMWfczc1wX — A Gilded Eye (@AGildedEye) May 6, 2020
5.
so addicted to furlough i am taking up injecting cash into my veins for that sweet sweet hit. my child is crying because she has been fed too much from the proceeds of me working from home and avoiding infecting others. i am becoming a terrible mother — tyron, the creator (@TyronWilson) May 6, 2020
6.
I guess in a way aren’t we all ‘addicted’ to being able to pay our rent and buy food pic.twitter.com/PeygYwH6rz — Jon Stone (@joncstone) May 6, 2020
7.
worried that my landlord is becoming increasingly addicted to my wages and should probably be weaned off them — anna (@anna_h_h) May 6, 2020
8.
It’s true I am addicted to a government that ensures* it’s people do not *reads hand* starve *vaguely attempts https://t.co/OHhrXkRwYX — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) May 6, 2020
Frankie Boyle had a solution to the problem of spiralling costs.
You could just furlough everyone till there's a vaccine by not renewing Trident, an option I'm sure we're going to see weighed up carefully by the media in the coming days pic.twitter.com/lQKdN9m7kW — Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) May 6, 2020
Petition to get him a question slot at the daily briefing, anyone?
READ MORE
8 funny reactions to the Sun editor’s Downing Street question about disinformation
Source The Times Image Stephen McGann


thepoke--2020-05-06--This American told a ski resort it had ‘no balls’ for closing due to Covid-19 and their comeback was

This American told a ski resort it had ‘no balls’ for closing due to Covid-19 and their comeback was deadly

Strong contender for comeback of the week here , suffered by someone who ’ s not happy with all these @ @ @ @ @ .
They tried to keep it going but really there was no coming back from @ @

Weird World
Strong contender for comeback of the week here, suffered by someone who’s not happy with all these businesses closing because of Covid-19.
It started when the Sunday River – Google, Google – ski resort tweeted this, to stop any confusion with another business with a similar name.
We not own or have an official affiliation with the Sunday River Brewing Company. They are a local restaurant down the access road. In following the orders of the state of Maine and federal guidelines to reduce the spread of COVID-19, we will continue to remain closed. — Sunday River (@sundayriver) May 1, 2020
You have no balls — gomax (@gomax774092732) May 2, 2020
Our social media team is composed of all women, so your tweet does not offend us. Please try again. — Sunday River (@sundayriver) May 2, 2020
Boom.
I am a women also — gomax (@gomax774092732) May 2, 2020
A ‘women’?
Balls or no balls, the consensus is that you were murdered:https://t.co/AQQXZkXQ3s — Ted Johnson (@TedJohnsonIII) May 3, 2020
READ MORE
JK Rowling wins takedown of the day
Source Reddit u/Standsaboxer


thepoke--2020-05-06--Jimmy Kimmel’s takedown of Donald Trump’s trolling was just brilliantly done

Donald Trump took time out from his busy schedule to big up Greg Gutfeld ’ s ratings on his favourite @ @ @ @ @ .
Not only that , he took aim at rival talkshow hosts such as Jimmy @ @ @ @ @ , for example , don ’ t slavishly toe the White House line .
And @ @ @ @ @ did because it prompted Kimmel to record a brief response to the so-called president and @ @ @ @ @ A factory trolled Donald Trump by playing Live and Let Die and it ’ s @

Twitter
Donald Trump took time out from his busy schedule to big up Greg Gutfeld’s ratings on his favourite TV channel, Fox News.
Not only that, he took aim at rival talkshow hosts such as Jimmy Kimmel who, unlike Fox, for example, don’t slavishly toe the White House line.
Wow! Congratulations to Greg Gutfeld, a one time Trump Hater who has come all the way home. His Ratings easily beat no talent Stephen Colbert, nice guy Jimmy Fallon, and wacko “last placer” Jimmy Kimmel. Greg built his show from scratch, and did a great job in doing so. @FoxNews — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2020
And we’re glad he did because it prompted Kimmel to record a brief response to the so-called president and it’s 10/10.
This is what it feels like when the "President" of the United States attacks you personally pic.twitter.com/wzp4ed4GHr — Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) May 6, 2020
Brilliant.
The last line is incredible. https://t.co/YyACIo69zA — Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) May 6, 2020
When a late-night host is classier than a president. — A Drop in the Cloud (@adropinthecloud) May 6, 2020
to be fair even a dog taking a dump has more class than your prez — Julie Oz (@aladyforty) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
A factory trolled Donald Trump by playing Live and Let Die and it’s glorious
Source @jimmykimmel


thepoke--2020-05-06--JK Rowling wins takedown of the day

JK Rowling wins takedown of the day

Latest in an occasional series , takedown of the day goes to @ jk_rowling after Peter Hitchens said this about @ @ @ @ @ Twitter .
There was no shortage of winning responses , of which this might be @ @ @ @ @ in case you were wondering … Yet another person compared Covid-19 to the war – @ @ @ @ @ need to read

Twitter
Latest in an occasional series, takedown of the day goes to @jk_rowling after Peter Hitchens said this about coronavirus and the lockdown on Twitter.
Even during the two great wars, theatres, pubs, churches remained open, people were not confined to their homes. And there was no question the Germans were attacking us. https://t.co/KrTXN0Q628 — Peter Hitchens (@ClarkeMicah) May 5, 2020
There was no shortage of winning responses, of which this might be the best.
Still can’t understand how I caught coronavirus when I’d blacked out all my windows and rationed my nylons. pic.twitter.com/DEcxmMzhz7 — J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 6, 2020
Boom.
Presumably, if everyone had stood 2m apart during the war all the German bombs would have simply fallen in between them. — James Teggin (@jamesteggin) May 6, 2020
My Grandad caught a bad case of Germans in 1944 and spread it to all the colliery. — David 🇬🇧🇩🇪🇪🇺 (@dp66) May 6, 2020
And just in case you were wondering …
Judging by the number of kind people wishing me a speedy recovery in my mentions, I appear to have inadvertently given the impression that I've still got coronavirus. I haven't! I did have all the symptoms for a couple of weeks, but am now fully recovered! — J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
Yet another person compared Covid-19 to the war – the only 5 takedowns you need to read
Source @jk_rowling


thepoke--2020-05-06--‘Found the best movie extra of 1941’

‘Found the best movie extra of 1941’

We thought the extra ‘ sweeping ’ behind James Bond in Quantum of Solace was the best movie extra we @ @ @ @ @ But then , we hadn ’ t seen this .
If only there was an @ @ @ @ @ thing .
Although there might be – indeed , probably is – a perfectly good @ @ @ @ @ case you ’ ve never seen that extra doing the ‘ sweeping ’ in Quantum @ @ @ @ @ want to enjoy it again ) … Someone noticed the closing credits of Predator belong @ @ @ @ @ he did this

Videos
We thought the guy ‘sweeping’ behind James Bond in Quantum of Solace was the best movie extra we’d ever see. But then, we hadn’t seen this.
Found the best movie extra of 1941 pic.twitter.com/Kq4pUuUWHg — Emily Hagins (@CheesyNuggets) May 6, 2020
If only there was an Oscar for this sort of thing.
Haha, he was probably making a racket in earlier takes! This is glorious.. https://t.co/YnIzck4zKf — Adil Ray OBE (@adilray) May 6, 2020
That's me, Camden Council, 1977 — Chrissy Boy Foreman Esq. (@CBoyForeman) May 6, 2020
Although there might be – indeed, probably is – a perfectly good explanation.
Wondering if the scraping and digging might be picked up too much on the boom mike? Being the 40’s sound editing wasn’t technologically advanced. Still looks pretty bad though. — Baphomet the Intern (@thefontsavant) May 6, 2020
Yep, sound def asked that dude to not do the work for real. So it’s not this BG person’s fault. And considering there was no video village, the only person that could have caught it was the camera guy because he would know what the frame is. — meowzersÜ (@anniejrhodes) May 6, 2020
Just in case you were wondering.
This movie is called You’ll Never Get Rich and it’s cute and it’s currently streaming on the Criterion Channel✌ — Emily Hagins (@CheesyNuggets) May 6, 2020
And in the unlikely event you’ve never seen that extra doing the ‘sweeping’ in Quantum of Solace (or you want to enjoy it again) …
READ MORE
Someone noticed the closing credits of Predator belong to a 1980s sitcom so he did this
Source @CheesyNuggets


thepoke--2020-05-06--Whoever wrote this Metro headline about Nigel Farage, take the rest of the week off

Headline of the day , the week , and very possibly the year , as highlighted by @ PickardJE on @ @ @ @ @ unlikely event you don ’ t know what it ’ s referring to , Farage @ @ @ @ @ week .
And then this happened .
Prompting no shortage of glorious responses , many @ @ @ @ @ here .
The police warned Nigel Farage about non-essential travel and he wasn ’ t @ @ @

Pics
Headline of the day, the week, and very possibly the year, as highlighted by @PickardJE on Twitter.
Bravo!
top farage trolling by the metro here pic.twitter.com/lSMvJjPNdY — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) May 5, 2020
And in the unlikely event you don’t know what it’s referring to, Farage did this earlier in the week.
I witnessed first hand our Border Force acting as a taxi service for illegal migrants in Dover this morning. This scandal continues and people have got every right to be angry about it. pic.twitter.com/1uwqIQyjJu — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) May 4, 2020
And then this happened.
Lockdown lunacy. Two police officers just knocked on my door to advise me on essential travel. They had received a complaint that I had been to Dover to report on the illegal migrant scandal taking place. What a total waste of time and money. — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) May 4, 2020
Prompting no shortage of glorious responses, many of which you can read here.
READ HERE
The police warned Nigel Farage about non-essential travel and he wasn’t a happy bunny
Source Twitter @PickardJE


thepoke--2020-05-06--Michael Spicer’s latest Room Next Door shines a new light on Trump’s bleach suggestion

Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving , while simultaneously taking away with both hands .
What he @ @ @ @ @ is lots of material to Michael Spicer , who has been sharing his Room Next @ @ @ @ @ Late Show .
Just when you thought he couldn ’ t possibly up his game @ @ @ @ @ .
Michael Spicer ’ s latest Room Next Door sketch was a highlight of The @ @ @

Videos
Donald Trump is the gift that keeps on giving, while simultaneously taking away with both hands.
What he does give, though, is lots of material to Michael Spicer, who has been sharing his Room Next Door skills with The Late Late Show.
the room next door – Trump III: The One With the Bleach for @latelateshow https://t.co/Np3CLFJaHJ — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 6, 2020
“You dangerous puffin!”
via Gfycat
Just when you thought he couldn’t possibly up his game – he does it again.
Brilliant, Michael! Still crying at ‘dangerous puffin’ — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) May 6, 2020
I strongly suspect the Republican Party arranged for your chicken curry to be delivered at that specific moment 🧐 — Mr G 🇬🇧🇪🇺 (@Only_Me_4) May 6, 2020
'dangerous puffin' I suspect there's a lot of angry puffins right now contacting puffin lawyers and working on a defamation claim. — james mitchell (@goaterisgod) May 6, 2020
We totally endorse this comment.
READ MORE
Michael Spicer’s latest Room Next Door sketch was a highlight of The Late Late Show
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-05-06--Elon Musk correcting Grimes on the made-up name of their baby wins mansplainer of the week

You ’ ll have seen the slightly , er , unusual name chosen by Grimes and Elon Musk for their @ @ @ @ @ such confusion that Grimes took to Twitter to explain it to everyone , just in @ @ @ @ @ guilty of a typo that precisely no-one had noticed until Musk took to Twitter to @ @ @ @ @ child .
And it ’ s the ‘ but , yes … ’ bit that @ @ @ @ @ week .
Here ’ s what Grimes said later in response .
Grimes and Elon @ @ @ @ @ Æ A-12 ’ to the world – 17 favourite responses

Twitter
You’ll have seen the slightly, er, unusual name chosen by Grimes and Elon Musk for their new baby.
X Æ A-12 Musk — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 5, 2020
It caused such confusion that Grimes took to Twitter to explain it to everyone, just in case.
https://twitter.com/Grimezsz/status/1257836061520101377?s=20
Except she was guilty of a typo that precisely no-one had noticed until Musk took to Twitter to correct the mother of his child.
SR-71, but yes — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 6, 2020
And it’s the ‘but, yes …’ bit that wins him mansplainer of the week.
did he just “well, actually” the mother of his child https://t.co/fBlbRW7152 — ethan (@human_dis4ster) May 6, 2020
This is truly extraordinary. The ultimate mansplainy Reply Guy response to the mother of his new baby, on the bafflingly incoherent etymology of the baby’s name pic.twitter.com/x1wkD2zV5y — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) May 6, 2020
Correcting my wife who is in hospital about the names of planes in her replies https://t.co/yB8I0Q4Uii — Conor, The First Vicar (@ConorHaloReach) May 6, 2020
“babe I know you just pushed out a celestial fighter jet baby but can you please at least check the fucking script, the guys at reddit are never gonna upvote (to the left) if you don’t play along” https://t.co/F5QgjY9Oe3 — Dark Souls Gamer (@SHITPOSTlNG) May 6, 2020
https://twitter.com/calcuttajoons/status/1257941868853096448?s=20
Here’s what Grimes said later in response.
I am recovering from surgery and barely alive so may my typos b forgiven but, damnit. That was meant to be profound 🦔 — ꧁ ༒ Gℜiꪔ⃕es ༒꧂ 🍓🐉🎀 小仙女 (@Grimezsz) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
Grimes and Elon Musk welcomed baby ‘ X Æ A-12’ to the world – 17 favourite responses


thepoke--2020-05-06--Anti-vaxxer takedown of the day

Anti-vaxxer takedown of the day

‘ Rip to this anti-vaxxer , ’ says u/uhhsamurai over on Reddit .
‘ Why would you want others to @ @ @ @ @ be very painful and ongoing.
’ KKxa ‘ There are two kinds of people : @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t want anyone to suffer like I did ” and those who think @ @ @ @ @ shouldn ’ t they ?
” ‘ AvsJoe ‘ Dude survives two viruses and thinks @ @ @ @ @ Lets see how well he bounces back from polio.
’ Vsx

‘RIP to this anti-vaxxer,’ says u/uhhsamurai over on Reddit.
Boom.
‘Why would you want others to suffer though? Shingles can be very painful and ongoing.’ KKxa
‘There are two kinds of people: those who think “I don’t want anyone to suffer like I did” and those who think “I suffered, why shouldn’t they?”‘ AvsJoe
‘Dude survives two viruses and thinks he’s immortal. Lets see how well he bounces back from polio.’ Vsx


thepoke--2020-05-06--Covid-19 adviser Neil Ferguson resigned after breaking lockdown rules – only 5 responses you need

Neil Ferguson , the professor who ’ s been advising Boris Johnson on the UK ’ s coronavirus strategy , @ @ @ @ @ breaking the government ’ s own isolation rules .
Ferguson stepped down after the Telegraph @ @ @ @ @ to be his lover had visited him at his London home not , presumably , @ @ @ @ @ rolls and a bottle of hand sanitiser .
And these are the only 5 responses @ @ @ @ @ , ‘ One thing here is meant to distract from the other , ’ said @ @ @ @ @ not every paper put the stories in that order .
A factory trolled Donald Trump @ @ @ @ @ Die and it ’ s glorious

News
Neil Ferguson, the professor who’s been advising Boris Johnson on the UK’s coronavirus strategy, has quit his role after breaking the government’s own isolation rules.
Ferguson stepped down after the Telegraph reported that a woman said to be his lover had visited him at his London home not, presumably, to drop off some toilet rolls and a bottle of hand sanitiser.
And these are the only 5 responses you need.
1
Oh the irony of being fired by Boris Johnson for having sex with somebody else’s wife pic.twitter.com/iI1RtXKkA1 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 5, 2020
2
We were concerned that when we hit the highest death rates in Europe it would be all over the front pages of every newspaper.
So big thanks to The Telegraph for saving the Neil Ferguson story up until yesterday. — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 6, 2020
3
Quite astonishing the way Neil Ferguson was thrown under a bus to ensure yesterday's real headline news – the UK having more #COVID19 deaths than any other country in Europe – no longer dominates the front pages. — Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) May 6, 2020
4
I thought they might use baby pictures to keep the death rate off the front pages today, which I realise is pretty cynical. Now I’m wondering how long the Telegraph had been sitting on the Ferguson story. Again, public health seems a much lower priority than public relations. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 6, 2020
5
On the day the UK becomes the country with the highest coronavirus death toll in Europe, here's what most of the front pages look like. pic.twitter.com/yeixE0TKS7 — Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) May 6, 2020
To conclude, ‘One thing here is meant to distract from the other,’ said @ARMilani_ …
… although not every paper put the stories in that order.
(via)
PS
I think we should all be told what Neil Ferguson has on his bookshelves. — The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) May 5, 2020
READ MORE
A factory trolled Donald Trump by playing Live and Let Die and it’s glorious


thepoke--2020-05-06--Our 16 favourite funny comments on the lockdown

The UK has achieved the dubious accolade of having the highest Covid-19 death toll in Europe , which probably isn @ @ @ @ @ meant last week when he said “ I know there will be many people looking @ @ @ @ @ Nobody thinks the crisis is funny , but that doesn ’ t mean they can @ @ @ @ @ at some of the more absurd aspects of it .

Twitter
The UK has achieved the dubious accolade of having the highest Covid-19 death toll in Europe, which probably isn’t what Boris Johnson meant last week when he said “I know there will be many people looking at our apparent success.”
Nobody thinks the crisis is funny, but that doesn’t mean they can’t de-stress by laughing at some of the more absurd aspects of it.
1.
The irony is,I will now ONLY touch you with a bargepole — Roisin Conaty (@Roisinconaty) May 5, 2020
2.
I just watched fifteen minutes of a snooker documentary. We MUST find a cure for COVID-19 ASAP. — Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) May 3, 2020
3.
The UK govt deciding it knows best and opting for an app designed by some friends of theirs rather than the one almost the entire rest of the world is using reminds me very much of my dad’s decision to buy a Betamax. — Steve Bullock (@GuitarMoog) May 5, 2020
4.
Them: Good news, we can start inviting people over! Me: pic.twitter.com/kSxQPny3pa — Nathalie with an h (@nnnatchos) May 5, 2020
5.
I’m already sensitive to noises like gum smacking, Nail tapping and babies crying. When I get back into the world, Someone will probably fart and I’ll hit the ground like a grenade was thrown. — JellybeanPancakes (@Shesnotkiddin) May 5, 2020
6.
Katy Perry posted a photo of herself in a Jean Paul Gaultier dress that showed off her baby bump. I may post a photo in my Star Wars shirt showing off my quarantine food bump. — Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) May 5, 2020
7.
Queuing up at Sainsbury's like. pic.twitter.com/csuz9fJeX8 — David Stokes (@scottywrotem) May 5, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-05-06--This spoof James Acaster comedy masterclass is so good it had people fooled

Comedian , Josh Berry , has absolutely nailed his James Acaster impression so thoroughly that the man himself has endorsed @ @ @ @ @ s Josh demonstrating James ’ cookery skills .
from a , sadly now deleted , @ @ @ @ @ won ’ t know what he thinks of Josh ’ s latest impression .
We @ @ @ @ @ opinion , but these people definitely loved it .
We all expected this answer .
@ @ @ @ @ is more like James Acaster than James Acaster ( and James Acaster loved it )

Videos
Comedian, Josh Berry, has absolutely nailed his James Acaster impression so thoroughly that the man himself has endorsed past runouts. Here’s Josh demonstrating James’ cookery skills.
James responded with
“I laughed at this a lot which probably doesn’t reflect well on me actually.”
from a, sadly now deleted, Twitter account, so we won’t know what he thinks of Josh’s latest impression.
James Acaster teaches comedy | MasterClass pic.twitter.com/UtH3IHPGec — Josh Berry (@JoshBerryComedy) May 4, 2020
We may not have James’ opinion, but these people definitely loved it.
An impression so brilliant I thought it *was* James Acaster 😂 https://t.co/IJRwq18jbb — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) May 5, 2020
Legit thought this was a lip sync TikTok! — Aaron Ashmore (@aaronashmore8) May 4, 2020
Not going to lie, I thought I was watching the real James Acaster do a spoof masterclass until at least the glasses came off! Spot on impression. — Anthony Davies (@12fortytwo) May 5, 2020
This is the best thing Ive ever seen https://t.co/5zBXfhR952 — Pizza Prty Queen (@lserver362) May 4, 2020
Someone had a question.
It’s great. Can I ask, do you love or hate Acaster? — DΣΛN unprecedented (@Hero_Dean) May 4, 2020
We all expected this answer.
I absolutely love him of course! He’s amazing!!!! — Josh Berry (@JoshBerryComedy) May 4, 2020
READ MORE
Josh Berry doing James Acaster is more like James Acaster than James Acaster (and James Acaster loved it)
Source Josh Berry Image Josh Berry, Netflix UK screengrab


thepoke--2020-05-06--Grimes and Elon Musk welcomed baby ‘ X Æ A-12’ to the world – 17 favourite responses

As you will no doubt have seen by now , Grimes and Elon Musk have had a baby .
And @ @ @ @ @ t have missed , Musk said they ’ d given the little lad a slightly @ @ @ @ @ he ’ ll end up with something different ( who knows ? )
but it @ @ @ @ @ good jokes on Twitter .
Here are our favourites .

Twitter
As you will no doubt have seen by now, Grimes and Elon Musk have had a baby.
Mom & baby all good — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 5, 2020
And as you also won’t have missed, Musk said they’d given the little lad a slightly unusual name.
X Æ A-12 Musk — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 5, 2020
Chances are he’ll end up with something different (who knows?) but it did prompt lots of very good jokes on Twitter. Here are our favourites.
1.
grimes to her baby: can you say mama? say mama! X Æ A-12 Musk: pic.twitter.com/zzmPvIbVlf — communal black turtleneck (@edenmp4) May 5, 2020
2.
“Name please”
“X Æ A-12”
“Sorry didn’t catch that”
“X Æ”
“X A”
“No, X Æ”
“X E”
“No, Æ as in the ligature representing the Latin diphthong ae then A-12 like the A-road -”
“I’m just going to write your parents were cunts” https://t.co/5OyOKPuwlR — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 5, 2020
3.
the doctor walking into Grimes’ delivery room as she gives birth to X Æ A-12 pic.twitter.com/sRHZFv2XOx — jake faris (@fake_jaris) May 5, 2020
4.
elon musk really named his child after the wifi password — randy (@randypaint) May 5, 2020
5.
The moment you learn your dad named you X Æ A-12 pic.twitter.com/vSAkYMMJvb — Fandom (@getFANDOM) May 5, 2020
6.
A stark reminder that the name ‘Bernard’ has gone out of fashion for newborns. https://t.co/u9RbefHbbx — rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) May 5, 2020
7.
Elon Musk and Grimes’s son in the nursery pic.twitter.com/1Bj9Nf9rPr — Macks (@maxholcomb0) May 5, 2020
8.
Elon Musk introducing his kids pic.twitter.com/4OI26pxkrr — Screen Junkies (@screenjunkies) May 5, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-05-07--This Daily Mail story about Germany’s response to Covid-19 is peak Daily Mail

This Daily Mail story about Germany ’ s response to Covid-19 is surely peak Daily Mail because , well , @ @ @ @ @ .
‘ The Daily Mail thinks Germans use scientific language rather than war metaphors to @ @ @ @ @ the Second World War* , ’ says @ hannahrosewoods who shared it over on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ of the things people were saying about it .

Popular
This Daily Mail story about Germany’s response to Covid-19 is surely peak Daily Mail because, well, have a read for yourself.
‘The Daily Mail thinks Germans use scientific language rather than war metaphors to describe coronavirus because they *lost the Second World War*,’ says @hannahrosewoods who shared it over on Twitter.
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
It must be tough to be a German right now and not having any WW2 rhetoric to fall back on, merely good science and competent leadership — Scotchtape (@ScottHaines19) May 7, 2020
And all this time I thought it was because they weren’t deranged bellends https://t.co/eP502sOR5Z — Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) May 7, 2020
Shall I?
No, I think I will sit this one out.
But it really is a new classic of the genre. https://t.co/SlW5Bcv6ES — Helene von Bismarck (@HeleneBismarck) May 7, 2020
Don't mind me; I'm just going to scream for the rest of eternity. https://t.co/iayk8kxhHA — Chris Kempshall (@ChrisKempshall) May 7, 2020
And that wasn’t all …
JOURNALISM 2020: The Daily Mail thinks VE Day stands for ‘Victory over Europe’ Day. They report that Germans use ‘scientific language’ because they ‘lost the war.’ Their readers want Hitler back so he can reduce immigrant numbers. The Daily Mail is nationalist propaganda. pic.twitter.com/chW9OLIiCW — The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) May 7, 2020
READ MORE
7 times Piers Morgan was everyone’s unlikeliest hero after Boris Johnson bans ministers from appearing on Good Morning Britain
Source Twitter @hannahrosewoods


thepoke--2020-05-07--Facepalm of the day

Facepalm of the day

‘ Are we just going to ignore the fact they asked for a mint condition kitten.
’ ejuliot55 ‘ In @ @ @ @ @ smh my head.
’ Spicy_burritos ‘ Just don ’ t think I ’ d want @ @ @ @ @ a cat… ’ Tapioca44

No words.
‘Are we just going to ignore the fact they asked for a mint condition kitten.’ ejuliot55
‘What is a mint condition cat.’ Kingofsneks02
‘In its original container unopened obviously smh my head.’ Spicy_burritos
‘Just don’t think I’d want this person in charge of a cat…’ Tapioca44


thepoke--2020-05-07--A simple ‘urine test’ for anyone who doubts the usefulness of Covid-19 masks

This handy ‘ urine test ’ is proving very popular on Reddit .
It ’ s for anyone who doubts @ @ @ @ @ mask in the age of Covid-19 .
‘ I don ’ t know about the @ @ @ @ @ start convening in public again , we will have to relearn the importance of putting @ @ @ @

Pics
This handy ‘urine test’ is proving very popular on Reddit. It’s for anyone who doubts the usefulness of wearing a mask in the age of Covid-19.
‘Kink shaming is wrong.’ HoarseHorace ‘I don’t know about the masks, but once we start convening in public again, we will have to relearn the importance of putting pants on.’ randomfluffyfluff
READ MORE
JK Rowling wins takedown of the day
Source Reddit u/Aurick


thepoke--2020-05-07--7 times Piers Morgan was everyone’s unlikeliest hero after Boris Johnson bans ministers from appeari

7 times Piers Morgan was everyone’s unlikeliest hero after Boris Johnson bans ministers from appearing on Good Morning Britain

Piers Morgan has been among the most vocal critics of the government ’ s Covid-19 strategy and he was rewarded @ @ @ @ @ he says , by Boris Johnson banning all his ministers from appearing on his Good @ @ @ @ @ .
Lots of people have found themselves applauding Morgan ’ s efforts to hold the @ @ @ @ @ it can be a slightly confusing feeling , especially if you ’ ve not been @ @ @ @ @ up until this point .
Here are 7 times the Good Morning Britain man was @ @ @ @ @ .
Well , maybe not everyone , but quite a lot … We also liked @ @ @ @ @ this happened .
Piers Morgan ’ s takedown of the far-right YouTuber furious he ’ @ @ @ @ @ cheering

Twitter
Piers Morgan has been among the most vocal critics of the government’s Covid-19 strategy and he was rewarded for his efforts today, he says, by Boris Johnson banning all ministers from appearing on Good Morning Britain.
The UK Govt has banned any ministers from appearing on @GMB after a series of them made complete fools of themselves in the face of basic & important questions.
This is a pathetic & cowardly response to THEIR shameful incompetence.
cc @BorisJohnson. @10DowningStreet — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 7, 2020
Lots of people have found themselves applauding Morgan’s efforts to hold the government to account, and it can be a slightly confusing feeling, especially if you’ve not been Morgan’s biggest fan up until this point.
Here are 7 times the Good Morning Britain man was everyone’s unlikeliest hero. Well, maybe not everyone, but quite a lot …
1.
Look, I never thought I’d say this either, but @piersmorgan is doing what every broadcaster ought to at this time – holding the government’s feet to the fire over their botched pandemic strategy. pic.twitter.com/RPQOjTXVj7 — Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) March 23, 2020
2.
I wasn’t sure about this @piersmorgan guy when he was elected leader of the opposition, but I’m warming to him pic.twitter.com/qs6pjX1cWZ — Liam Young (@liamyoung) April 15, 2020
3.
Yes. Why is the UK heading to be the 2nd highest death toll in the world? https://t.co/DkuxTZfupl — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) April 28, 2020
4.
‘You’re not having to risk your life in the trenches, you’re being asked to go home and watch telly.’ ‘What is wrong with people.’@piersmorgan urges everyone to follow government advice and stay at home. pic.twitter.com/YT8bGFcrem — Good Morning Britain (@GMB) March 23, 2020
5.
*NEW COLUMN*
Breathless bullish*tter Boris can boast about his ‘successful’ coronavirus war all he wants, but Britain’s horrendous death toll tells the real shameful story. https://t.co/TwkR73Ra0p pic.twitter.com/djC773sEAl — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) April 30, 2020
6.
7.
Hi Paul,
You're a repulsive, racist, far-right, Muslim-hating, conspiracy theorist imbecile who works for a website that says Sandy Hook was invented.
Given all this, I am relaxed about your dislike for me. In fact, I crave your disapproval. Now f*ck off. https://t.co/8lLIpsgbwu — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) April 26, 2020
He had this message for his detractors.
To all those howling abuse at me for accurately reporting the Govt #coronavirus testing numbers, I’m reminded of @benshapiro‘s quote: ‘Facts don’t care about your feelings.’ — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 2, 2020
Oh, and this happened.
‘It’s worth bearing in mind when we talk about immigrants in this country, these are the immigrants currently saving people’s lives. Coming here and actually enriching our country and doing an amazing job’ – @piersmorgan pic.twitter.com/dAYcH9t095 — Good Morning Britain (@GMB) April 7, 2020
Everyone’s making sacrifices, right? We’re with @jamiesont.
Slipping into this strange parallel universe where Piers Morgan talks sense is beyond weird isn’t it https://t.co/lqf7r9tn9J — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) April 7, 2020
And this chap.
I’m not sure I’m enjoying @piersmorgan being popular. It just doesn’t seem right. He’s been excellent, though, throughout this, holding the government to account and demanding action and answers. Well played, Tubs. https://t.co/uhdzRAx7Vo — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) April 19, 2020
Couldn’t put it better …
READ MORE
Piers Morgan’s takedown of the far-right YouTuber furious he’d been blocked had everyone cheering


thepoke--2020-05-07--‘Day 32, found out the house was haunted’

Paranormal activity shared by u/JaceAltair over on Reddit .
We ’ ll be trying this at home .
Just as @ @ @ @ @ ourselves to get off the sofa .
‘ To Mom ’ s credit , she @ @ @ @ @ poltergeist to help her child.
’ Standardeviation2 ‘ Lol even the dog was freaking out @ @ @ @ @ in the end it actually tried to stop the mom from beating up the kid.
@ @ @ @ @ it was a prank !
She ’ s not really a ghost !
Don ’ @ @ @ @ @ maleorderbride This cat perfectly executing its plan to lock in the dog is simply next @ @

Paranormal activity shared by u/JaceAltair over on Reddit.
We’ll be trying this at home. Just as soon as we can motivate ourselves to get off the sofa.
‘To Mom’s credit, she was ready to face a poltergeist to help her child.’ Standardeviation2
‘Lol even the dog was freaking out and first and I think in the end it actually tried to stop the mom from beating up the kid.’ poopellar
‘”Mom it was a prank! She’s not really a ghost! Don’t worry!”‘ maleorderbride


thepoke--2020-05-07--Someone sold homemade masks for Covid-19 and their ungrateful neighbour got exactly what was coming

One consequence of the pandemic is that lots of neighbours have been looking out for each other and doing their @ @ @ @ @ .
Like making homemade masks for instance and selling them to your neighbours who might @ @ @ @ @ get hold of them .
Not everyone ’ s grateful , however , as witnessed @ @ @ @ @ Reddit by u/GoldAntelope who said : ‘ My Nextdoor app is full of CBs [ @ @ @ @ @ this lovely person takes the cake during a pandemic.
’ ‘ And these idiots act @ @ @ @ @ to make the masks isn ’ t valuable.
’ UltimatePoe ‘ That next door app @ @ @ @ @ I never knew I hated all the people that live around me .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ and effort goes into fighting on over trival shit.
’ makeitrain9789 A very satisfying takedown @ @ @ @ @ ’ of William Wallace

Weird World
One consequence of the pandemic is that lots of neighbours have been looking out for each other and doing their bit for the local community.
Like making homemade masks for instance and selling them to your neighbours who might not otherwise be able to get hold of them.
Not everyone’s grateful, however, as witnessed in this exchange shared on Reddit by u/GoldAntelope who said: ‘My Nextdoor app is full of CBs [choosing beggars] recently but this lovely person takes the cake during a pandemic.’
‘It’s reusable and a totally fair price.’ BrandyeB ‘And these idiots act like the time it takes to make the masks isn’t valuable.’ UltimatePoe
‘That next door app is a shit show. I never knew I hated all the people that live around me. It’s crazy how much time and effort goes into fighting on over trival shit.’ makeitrain9789
READ MORE
A very satisfying takedown of this American ‘descendant’ of William Wallace
Source Reddit u/GoldAntelope


thepoke--2020-05-07--A very satisfying takedown of this American ‘descendant’ of William Wallace

‘ Dude try ’ s to claim William Wallace is his ancestor , ’ says u/VicePrincipal over on Reddit and it ’ s a very satisfying ( and comprehensive ) rebuttal .
‘ Years ago I went to the highland games in Loch Lomand and there was this older North American couple waiting near the Lairds house so they could give the Lairds son a birthday present .
Apparently they came every year because they were distant relatives of the local nobility .
I can ’ t remember them getting very close , it was super sweet in a way @ @ @ @ @ @ @ That describes even the best intentioned of these weirdos .
Not to be cruel but really : How empty and meaningless does your life have to be to suddenly base your whole personality around an estranged ancestry at 50 years old ?
Some old dead dude banging and bailing 500 years ago doesn ’ t make us family .
Culture isn ’ t an inherited trait , blood doesn ’ t make you kin , and no I don ’ t want to reminisce with a complete stranger about people we never knew.
@ @

‘Dude try’s to claim William Wallace is his ancestor,’ says u/VicePrincipal over on Reddit and it’s a very satisfying (and comprehensive) rebuttal.
Yeah, but …
‘Years ago I went to the highland games in Loch Lomand and there was this older North American couple waiting near the Lairds house so they could give the Lairds son a birthday present. Apparently they came every year because they were distant relatives of the local nobility. I can’t remember them getting very close, it was super sweet in a way but a bit creepy.’ doessabre
‘That describes even the best intentioned of these weirdos. Not to be cruel but really: How empty and meaningless does your life have to be to suddenly base your whole personality around an estranged ancestry at 50 years old? Some old dead dude banging and bailing 500 years ago doesn’t make us family. Culture isn’t an inherited trait, blood doesn’t make you kin, and no I don’t want to reminisce with a complete stranger about people we never knew.’ vox_leonis


thepoke--2020-05-07--Nessun Dorma has had a rewrite “alla corona” – and it’s quite magnificent

Former America ’ s Got Talent finalist , Daniel Emmet , has put his impressive range to good use with @ @ @ @ @ s Nessun Dorma , which most of us know from the Pavarotti version made popular @ @ @ @ @ Daniel ’ s version nails the lockdown vibe – and drops in a sprinkle of @ @ @ @ @ all do with that .
He shared it to Twitter , where it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ love .
It ’ s not the first time the tune at least has featured @ @ @ @ @ .
Self-isolating Italians singing to each other from their balconies is the tonic we all @ @ @ @ @ with his lungs .

Videos
Former America’s Got Talent finalist, Daniel Emmet, has put his impressive range to good use with this rewrite of Puccini’s Nessun Dorma, which most of us know from the Pavarotti version made popular during Italia ’90.
Daniel’s version nails the lockdown vibe – and drops in a sprinkle of positivity, and we could all do with that.
He shared it to Twitter, where it’s been picking up some well-deserved love.
Check out my latest YouTube video! Leave a comment and let me know what you think! https://t.co/O8GNHnrZgQ — Daniel Emmet (@DanielEmmet) May 5, 2020
It’s not the first time the tune at least has featured in a special quarantine moment.
During Italy's quarantine, tenor and opera singer Maurizio Marchini wanted to give people hope and joy. So went to his balcony and serenaded the entire town of Florence. The words mean "Don't Sleep." (🎥 FB/mauriziomarchinitenore) pic.twitter.com/RzIxCJi1AL — Goodable (@Goodable) March 14, 2020
READ MORE
Self-isolating Italians singing to each other from their balconies is the tonic we all need right now
Nothing wrong with his lungs.
Source Daniel Emmet Image Daniel Emmet


thepoke--2020-05-07--Sharon’s not happy with Costco making masks compulsory and their response was brutal

Some shops are more rigorous with their Covid-19 safeguards than others , it ’ s fair to say .
And by the looks of it , Costco are at the stricter end of the scale ( and good for them ) .
Except not everyone ’ s happy about it .
Including Sharon , who felt strongly enough about it to make her concerns plain on Facebook .
in VERY BIG LETTERS .
We ’ re glad she did too , because Costco ’ s response was brilliant .
And just in case that ’ s tricky to read .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ at Costco until you remove your mandatory mask rule !
’ Costo : ‘ Thank you for taking such a brave stand , Sharon .
We look forward to the documentary they will make about you some day.
’ Jack : ‘ Wow , not a very professional response , Costco !
Looks like I will be getting a membership refund myself .
IT SHOULD BE A CHOICE !
’ Costco person , take the rest of the week off .
Whoever wrote this Metro headline about Nigel Farage , take the rest @ @ @ @

Popular
Some shops are more rigorous with their Covid-19 safeguards than others, it’s fair to say. And by the looks of it, Costco are at the stricter end of the scale (and good for them).
Except not everyone’s happy about it. Including Sharon, who felt strongly enough about it to make her concerns plain on Facebook. in VERY BIG LETTERS.
We’re glad she did too, because Costco’s response was brilliant.
And just in case that’s tricky to read.
Sharon: ‘I will not shop at Costco until you remove your mandatory mask rule!’ Costo: ‘Thank you for taking such a brave stand, Sharon. We look forward to the documentary they will make about you some day.’ Jack: ‘ Wow, not a very professional response, Costco! Looks like I will be getting a membership refund myself. IT SHOULD BE A CHOICE!’ Costco: ‘We’ve chosen not to refund you.’
Costco person, take the rest of the week off.
‘That Costco social media rep is either getting fired, or a promotion. Either way, a savage.’ Apolush
READ MORE
Whoever wrote this Metro headline about Nigel Farage, take the rest of the week off
Source Reddit u/sinister0696


thepoke--2020-05-07--Claudio Ranieri being interrupted by his wife is making a lot of people’s days better

We had a TV weather forecaster being interrupted by his dog and of course the BBC News guy being bothered @ @ @ @ @ what now feels like another era ) .
And now we ’ ve got Claudio @ @ @ @ @ Claudio Ranieri ’ s wife on Sky Sports and it ’ s making a lot @ @ @ @ @ better .
It could have been a lot worse … This TV weatherman forecasting from @ @ @ @ @ dog and it ’ s TV gold

Pics
We had a TV weather forecaster being interrupted by his dog and of course the BBC News guy being bothered by his kid (in what now feels like another era).
And now we’ve got Claudio Ranieri inexplicably being interrupted by Claudio Ranieri’s wife on Sky Sports and it’s making a lot of people’s days better.
Claudio Ranieri's wife randomly appears on screen during the interview and everyone loses it 🤣#SkyFootballShow pic.twitter.com/d1w4xKBQ7f — Football Daily (@footballdaily) May 7, 2020
It could have been a lot worse …
READ MORE
This TV weatherman forecasting from home is interrupted by his dog and it’s TV gold


thepoke--2020-05-07--Not everyone’s as excited about lockdown easing as the Sun and Mail – 9 appalled responses

The Sun and the Daily Mail have got excited – very excited – by the prospect of Boris Johnson easing @ @ @ @ @ He ’ s not actually announced anything yet – just hinted at it – so @ @ @ @ @ filling in the gaps .
And not just them , it turns out .
It @ @ @ @ @ not everyone ’ s as excited by the prospect as they are , however .
@ @ @ @ @ ( or just plain furious ) reactions .
And the front page of the Mail @ @ @ @ @ in Ireland .
These 15 colouring-in pages have had a certificate 18 makeover – NSFW

News
The Sun and the Daily Mail have got excited – very excited – by the prospect of Boris Johnson easing lockdown restrictions on Monday.
He’s not actually announced anything yet – just hinted at it – so the newspapers have been busy filling in the gaps.
Here’s the Sun …
… and the Mail.
And not just them, it turns out. It’s fair to say not everyone’s as excited by the prospect as they are, however. Here are our favourite appalled (or just plain furious) reactions.
1.
Happy Monday is going to look in very poor taste on death spike Wednesday pic.twitter.com/mD8sqktcW9 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 7, 2020
2.
3.
HAPPY MONDAY of course being the natural precursor to HANG ON A MINUTE TUESDAY, WHOOPS-A-DAISY WEDNESDAY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS THURSDAY and FUCKING HELL FRIDAY. pic.twitter.com/gARPPXdmjb — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 7, 2020
4.
If the government can’t or won’t provide clarity & leadership it leaves a massive vacuum into which all manner of dangerous nonsense can move. pic.twitter.com/kciEfaJNtV — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 7, 2020
5.
REMINDER: We've had to suffer one week of lockdown so far for every YEAR the WW2 generation had to suffer similar curbs on their liberty. — Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 7, 2020
6.
An obvious point but: if you pre-brief bits of the lockdown relief policy on a Wednesday, people will start acting on it on a Thursday. Public health communication in a crisis is not politics as usual. — Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 7, 2020
7.
I started adding up the number of people who had been killed in railway disasters in the UK and I got as far back as 1952 before the combined number added up to the number of people who died of Covid-19 in this country yesterday alone, but you go off I guess…Hurrah! pic.twitter.com/ox4sOxl5Nn — Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) May 6, 2020
8.
Oh good, for my birthday this year, I'm getting a town full of death. pic.twitter.com/78n954IvRG — David Quantick (@quantick) May 7, 2020
9.
Can’t imagine what it must be like seeing the front pages of most of our newspapers today having lost a loved one due to this awful virus. — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) May 7, 2020
And the front page of the Mail was a very different story in Ireland.
In short …
We have the highest death toll in Europe. We have the second highest death toll in the world. And this is our media’s reaction. I am beyond appalled. pic.twitter.com/MZ9eDvpW4I — Vittoria Gallagher (@Vitt2tsnoc) May 7, 2020
READ MORE
These 15 colouring-in pages have had a certificate 18 makeover – NSFW


thepoke--2020-05-07--There’s a brand new batch of lockdown tweets – our 13 funny faves

It looks like lockdown rules might be about to relax , alongside a cut in the furlough scheme , so @ @ @ @ @ message is probably going to evolve .
This time next week , there ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ about hating being outside than hating being inside .
In the meantime , enjoy this @ @ @ @ @ Our 16 favourite funny comments on the lockdown

Twitter
It looks like lockdown rules might be about to relax, alongside a cut in the furlough scheme, so the “stay home” message is probably going to evolve.
This time next week, there’ll be a lot more jokes about hating being outside than hating being inside.
In the meantime, enjoy this crop of funny stuff.
1.
She’s got social distancing etiquette down cold. pic.twitter.com/ONFA2HEn9o — (@TiaBarracini) May 5, 2020
2.
Is it, open the diary to 2021… pic.twitter.com/jZLPz8wnb0 — Steve N Allen (@mrstevenallen) May 6, 2020
3.
This year is the worst Choose Your Own Adventure book ever written. — A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 6, 2020
4.
5.
Shock as reports of record UK deaths from Covid-19 shove sex scandal off front pages of no newspapers. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 6, 2020
6.
When the government said ‘flatten the curve’, I didn’t know they meant flat line at the peak. — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 6, 2020
7.
Hi would you mind installing the #ContactTracingApp to try to prevent people from dying
UK: OH HELL NO TRACKING MY MOVEMENTS WOAH THERE FELLA
Hi! Would you like to play the FREE game Super Shiny Jewel Compulsion 4? Just click on 'I'm ok with you knowing everything!'
UK: WAHEYYY — NotTodayPod (@NotTodayPod) May 5, 2020
8.
People using the #coronavirusuk likened to WWII as us ‘under attack’ are fucking insane. Go build a bunker and hide in there with all your neighbours, eating spam, doing handjobs for nylons and sing songs about Dover and let me know you all get on in two weeks time — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) May 6, 2020
9.
Do elephants wear their face masks like This Or This pic.twitter.com/YNmU04ysRa — clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 5, 2020
10.
“I’m going shopping!” I announce, zipping up a full-body wet suit, strapping on an oxygen tank, and lowering myself into a giant hamster ball filled with hand sanitizer. — batkaren (@batkaren) May 5, 2020
11.
I have not received a single message thanking me for saving lives every day by choosing not to break quarantine to bone — Ken Cheng (@kenchengcomedy) May 6, 2020
12.
There's some toddler outside on our street having an absolutely epic meltdown and I just want to lean out the window and yell "Speaking for all of us there, mate" — Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) May 6, 2020
13.
I think the pandemic was secretly caused by the global elite for no other reason than to annoy conspiracy theorists — Glenn Wool (@GlennWool) May 6, 2020
Finally …
The last few seconds of this is Johnson implementing a lockdown pic.twitter.com/YC6YzVbmSE — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 6, 2020
READ MORE
Our 16 favourite funny comments on the lockdown
Image @PleaseBeGneiss


thepoke--2020-05-07--Do these 17 small things annoy you when you see them in films?

Alisha Grauso is the editor of online film magazine , Movie Pilot , so she knows her onions when it @ @ @ @ @ , and she ’ s watched enough of them to know what gets her goat @ @ @ @ @ opened the floodgates , and it seems just about everybody has a bugbear to share @ @ @ @ @ fit them all in , so we picked our favourites .

Twitter
Alisha Grauso is the editor of online film magazine, Movie Pilot, so she knows her onions when it comes to all things cinematic, and she’s watched enough of them to know what gets her goat.
What are small things that characters do or don't do in movies & TV shows that bother you? I am insanely bothered when a character is driving and they take their eyes off the road to talk to the passenger. It stresses me out. 😭 — Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) May 4, 2020
Alisha’s question opened the floodgates, and it seems just about everybody has a bugbear to share.
We couldn’t fit them all in, so we picked our favourites.
1.
Extras on the go with clearly empty coffee cups swinging their arms around like they’re not holding HOT COFFEE. — Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) May 5, 2020
2.
When women do not have their hair tied back in action movies. When Harley hands a hairband to Canary in Birds of Prey, I orgasmed. — Hanna Ines Flint (@HannaFlint) May 4, 2020
3.
☎ Him: Would you like to go to dinner with me? ☎ Her: I’d love to. ☎ Him: Ok! 8:00? ☎ Her: Great. See you at 8. 🥰 *HANGS UP* ?!??!!??! WHERE!? WHAT DAY!? OH MY GOD LITERALLY NNNNNNO DETAILS?! pic.twitter.com/jZJUcjmKwD — Parisa Fitz-Henley (@ParisaFH) May 5, 2020
4.
This is usually in spy movies but when characters get a whole load of sensitive information and they just… know it all. I need it repeated twice, thrice, and written down. — Eric Francisco (@EricFrancisco24) May 4, 2020
5.
When a blood sacrifice is needed and they slice open a massive gash in their palm. Have fun not being able to pick anything up with that hand for weeks! For fucks sake, use the back of the hand or another area that wouldnt be so disruptive to every day tasks! — Anthony (@Rebels_57) May 5, 2020
6.
Characters not acknowledging their pet dog/cat when they come home beyond just coldly feeding them out of a can, when we all know they would say, “HELLO THERE, HELLO THERE, DON’T YOU HAVE LOVELY FEET!” — Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) May 6, 2020
7.
HANGING UP THE PHONE WITHOUT SAYING BYE — Andi 🏳🌈🏴☠ (@hwatanealon) May 5, 2020
8.
I hate when characters just show up unannounced at other characters' houses just to have a quick chat with them. Smallville was the king of this – no one ever used the phone on that show! haha — Danny Baram (@DannyBaram) May 4, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-05-08--Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week

How do you measure time during lockdown if you ’ re not doing your normal things ?
In episodes of @ @ @ @ @ Tesco deliveries ?
Arguments over whose turn it is to wash the dishes ?
Here @ @ @ @ @ you – it ’ s Friday because the Tweets of the Week is out* .
@ @ @ @ @ subsequent days

Twitter
How do you measure time during lockdown if you’re not doing your normal things? In episodes of PE With Joe Wicks? Tesco deliveries? Arguments over whose turn it is to wash the dishes?
Here’s a constant for you – it’s Friday because the Tweets of the Week is out*.
*not applicable if read on subsequent days
1.
WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE!! pic.twitter.com/yR4uVYBhBo — Seb Patrick (@sebpatrick) May 2, 2020
2.
I’ve invented a new word.
Plagiarism. — Gemma (@Gemma44630665) May 2, 2020
3.
My dad when he sees yer man from that other thing pic.twitter.com/DcAKZCxdd6 — (@JosephBJoyce) May 3, 2020
4.
“John, you’re on mute. John. Mute. You have to unmute.” pic.twitter.com/4N6kd0816m — SIVA VAIDHYANATHAN🗽🤘🏽 (@sivavaid) May 3, 2020
5.
Read a press release from Heinz saying "We will NEVER make a Bolognese version of Alphabetti Spaghetti" – I thought blimey they don't mince their words. — Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 4, 2020
6.
So I was just stalking a guy I liked years ago on Facebook, and freaked out because he had SO many of the same friends as me! School friends old uni friends…it was only when I saw my Uncle Abdullah in Tehran’s profile that it occurred to me that I’m still on my own page. — Shappi Khorsandi5667753324777 (@ShappiKhorsandi) May 2, 2020
7.
On this day in 1979 Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister. I won’t be celebrating, for the same reasons that I don’t commemorate the anniversary of my house being burgled. — paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) May 4, 2020
8.
Sorry, it’s absolutely mad that all the Von Trapp children have the same bedtime. No wonder the sixteen-year-old is sneaking out to sing with nazi postmen. — Hannah Duncombe (@HannahDuncombe) May 3, 2020
9.
The Tiger who came to tee. pic.twitter.com/dV8xgOfKzf — Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) May 4, 2020
10.
Dollar re-forming as an acoustic act did not go well. pic.twitter.com/BI7IdoMBTP — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 5, 2020
11.
What I said: Nicole, please can you wash up.
What she heard: Fancy a quick game of Buckaroo?’ pic.twitter.com/vetrXQen71 — Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) May 5, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-09--Simply 18 nice things to make you smile

Simply 18 nice things to make you smile

We ’ ve put together another round-up of all the nice things we ’ ve seen this week in the @ @ @ @ @ you smile .
Stay safe .
Stay at home .
Don ’ t do a @ @ @ @ @

Pics
We’ve put together another round-up of all the nice things we’ve seen this week in the hope that they will make you smile.
Stay safe. Stay at home. Don’t do a conga with your neighbours.
1.
I’m not saying this photo will solve all your problems. I’m just saying some days you need a picture of a kitten at the exact moment he realizes that maybe playing bass isn’t as easy as it seems. pic.twitter.com/DFAlYhJAC3 — Alex Stein (@coldfootfilms) May 1, 2020
2.
3.
4.
My best friend’s baby having a music lesson. This is all I need right now 💙 @JessieJ (posted with consent). #SundayMorning #SundayThoughts pic.twitter.com/DJMmGGtCDU — Simon Brunner (@SimonBrunner1) May 3, 2020
5.
6.
How to keep your cat entertained during the lockdown, part 94: pic.twitter.com/WLnz4vLx3A — Anne-Elisabeth Moutet (@moutet) May 6, 2020
7.
8.


thepoke--2020-05-09--Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘clarify’ this headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate eff

Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘clarify’ this headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate effect

A moment of absolute joy from Elaine Paige who took to Twitter to ‘ clarify ’ this Telegraph headline after @ @ @ @ @ most unfortunate truncated form .
You can totally see where she ’ s coming from @ @ @ @ @ us of this similarly unfortunate moment on the Daily Mail .
Simply 39 of the @ @ @ @

Pics
A moment of absolute joy from Elaine Paige who took to Twitter to ‘clarify’ this Telegraph headline after it appeared online in a most unfortunate truncated form.
I think I need to clarify to @Telegraph readers, who may have seen the truncated headline, that the full quote is …. "I've been having cocktails parties on Zoom" … really, matron!! #carryonisolation pic.twitter.com/1bx9dPw34Z — Elaine Paige (@elaine_paige) May 7, 2020
You can totally see where she’s coming from. Just wonderful.
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen — realmattlucas (@RealMattLucas) May 7, 2020
Best thing since @alanshearer was providing expert anal on match of the day… pic.twitter.com/pO7UcfSaHR — Ross Tinning (@RossTinning) May 7, 2020
Wondered why I hadn’t heard from you this week! 🤣 #busybee — Jessica Rickson (@jessrickson) May 7, 2020
youve officially won the internet — Chi (@chiwithaC) May 7, 2020
Reminded us of this similarly unfortunate moment on the Daily Mail.
READ MORE
Simply 39 of the funniest headlines ever printed


thepoke--2020-05-11--Matt Lucas cut Boris Johnson’s speech from 14 minutes to 17 seconds and it’s a succinct delight

We all know the Prime Minister has a tendency to waffle .
In fact , after his almost 14-minute long @ @ @ @ @ night , one person tweeted this : Luckily , rather than having to sit through @ @ @ @ @ seconds – although you can do that here if you want to – the brilliant @ @ @ @ @ up for us , and it only took 17 seconds .
Matt ’ s speech @ @ @ @ @ than the PM ’ s .
Historian and author , Greg Jenner spoke for the @ @ @ @ @ .

Videos
We all know the Prime Minister has a tendency to waffle. In fact, after his almost 14-minute long coronavirus advice update on Sunday night, one person tweeted this:
Luckily, rather than having to sit through all 13 minutes and 41 seconds – although you can do that here if you want to – the brilliant Matt Lucas has summed it up for us, and it only took 17 seconds.
Matt’s speech got a far better reception than the PM’s.
Matt Lucas pretty much summing up Boris’ 14 minute speech, except it’s narrowed down to about 20 seconds🤣 pic.twitter.com/xKmLDQzDRb — Adam (@WoodyHRT) May 10, 2020
BREAKING: Johnson sacks Cummings and Levido and puts Matt Lucas in charge of all government messaging. https://t.co/WESXtZXYtg — Tim Walker (@ThatTimWalker) May 10, 2020
Boris johnson is like a comedy character matt lucas came up for little britain that somehow manifested into reality — frankie (@baron_frankie) May 10, 2020
Historian and author, Greg Jenner spoke for the many, not the few.
I wish this were just a funny joke and not the Cliff Notes for an actual press conference — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) May 10, 2020
READ MORE
Matt Lucas’ version of Boris Johnson’s Brexit hissy fit is simply perfect
Source Matt Lucas Image UK government, Matt Lucas


thepoke--2020-05-11--This hilarious lip synch makes Trump’s terrible grasp of testing far funnier than it should be

It has emerged that US Vice President Mike Pence ’ s press secretary , Katie Miller , has tested positive @ @ @ @ @ it necessary for Pence to *checks notes* get on an aeroplane .
The President seemed @ @ @ @ @ proof that tests are somewhat pointless .
Here ’ s what he said .
Whatever @ @ @ @ @ be ?
Best-selling author and comedy writer , James Felton , took away this positive @ @ @ @ @ , Sarah Cooper , used her astonishing lip-synch skills to completely eviscerate Trump …again .
@ @ @ @ @ Sarah , but we ’ re crying at Trump .
Trump ’ s weird medical @ @ @ @ @ it ’ s lip-synced by a comedian

Videos
It has emerged that US Vice President Mike Pence’s press secretary, Katie Miller, has tested positive for the coronavirus, making it necessary for Pence to *checks notes* get on an aeroplane.
The President seemed to use her infection as proof that tests are somewhat pointless. Here’s what he said.
TRUMP: “Katie, she tested very good for a long period of time, and then all of the sudden she tested positive … this is why the whole concept of tests aren't necessarily great … today, I guess, for some reason, she tested positive." 😳 pic.twitter.com/xNFEJn3W9s — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 8, 2020
“The tests are perfect but something could happen between a test where it’s good and then all of a sudden …”
Whatever could that “something” be?
via Gfycat
Best-selling author and comedy writer, James Felton, took away this positive note.
If you ever feel unqualified for your job, the man leading America through the pandemic is unaware of the concept of not having coronavirus before one day catching coronavirus. https://t.co/LLFnSwERUM — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 9, 2020
Comedian and writer, Sarah Cooper, used her astonishing lip-synch skills to completely eviscerate Trump …again.
How to testing pic.twitter.com/y9iwLK0N12 — Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 9, 2020
I've been waiting for this. https://t.co/x1LGVUAJAe — Rufus Sewell (@FredrikSewell) May 9, 2020
The stuff she does with a glance or gesture is just art. https://t.co/rwB83RZyMt — Phil Plait (@BadAstronomer) May 9, 2020
We’re laughing at Sarah, but we’re crying at Trump.
READ MORE
Trump’s weird medical advice is even funnier when it’s lip-synced by a comedian
Source Sarah Cooper Image Sarah Cooper, Aaron Rupar


thepoke--2020-05-11--Our 21 favourite reactions to the government’s confusing “Stay Alert” advice

After two months of telling people to “ Stay Home ” , the government has decided to change its message @ @ @ @ @ two – or three – issues with the new slogan .
These reactions convey the @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
After two months of telling people to “Stay Home”, the government has decided to change its message.
Stay alert: Boris Johnson's new message to the nation, as he unveils Covid-19 warning systemhttps://t.co/J9GKW3wqKY pic.twitter.com/aSAsonDXqa — Edward Malnick (@edwardmalnick) May 9, 2020
There were one or two – or three – issues with the new slogan.
None of these 3 instructions make any sense. They aren’t saying anything. ‘Stay alert’ – How? Stay alert for what happening, and do what if that thing happens? ‘Control the virus’ – Again, how? Isn’t this meant to be telling me how to control the virus? ‘Save lives’ – HOW? pic.twitter.com/IsK3FVyVHL — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 9, 2020
These reactions convey the breadth of feeling quite well.
1.
A bit fucking difficult to stay alert to something that’s 0.0001 millimetres in diameter. This pandemic is going to have as many spikes as a coronavirus. pic.twitter.com/Uyv6k82Y8Y — Adam Kay (@amateuradam) May 9, 2020
2.
Go out, meet people, have a party, do whatever you want and you'll be fine, as long as you stay alert in case you see a microscopic virus coming towards you. pic.twitter.com/93weJeZniy — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) May 9, 2020
3.
Is Coronavirus sneaking around in a fake moustache and glasses? If we drop our guard, will it slip us a Micky Finn? What the hell is ‘stay alert’ supposed to mean? pic.twitter.com/8cUmAVBVL7 — J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) May 9, 2020
4.
Guys remember to stay alert. I was just out for a walk and saw a piece of virus coming towards me, but because I was being alert I managed to dive out of the way — Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) May 10, 2020
5.
Cant sleep. Must stay alert. Must control the virus. You're not alert if you're asleep. Thats how the virus wins. Must stay alert. No sleep ever again. — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) May 9, 2020
6.
Stay alert
Have a barbecue
But make it a small one
Don’t invite Geoff he’s got underlying health problems
Take him a plate of sausages or something later
And a beer
That’s okay probably
Save lives — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 9, 2020
7.
SHUT THAT DOOR ✖
THEY DON’T LIKE IT UP ‘EM ✖
YOU GET NOTHING FOR A PAIR (NOT IN THIS GAME)✖
STAY ALERT✔ pic.twitter.com/SnnAjoAeg7 — Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 9, 2020
8.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alert, staying alert pic.twitter.com/fk7TIrfpOY — Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) May 10, 2020
9.
Stay alert. Stand by your window. If you see the virus, call your MP immediately. #stayalert — Danny Wallace 🇪🇺 (@dannywallace) May 9, 2020
10.
Stay alert? Are we supposed to sense it creeping up on us and karate chop the fucking virus now? pic.twitter.com/JQt8qKbO4o — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 9, 2020
11.
yeah ok I'll stay alert & control the virus with this nationwide test, track, trace & isolate system I've got handy because I didn't waste precious months cocking about & giving contracts to my useless mates who can't do the job — REMAIN INDOORS (@Scriblit) May 9, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-11--The bad tea American mum has been at it again – and people are appalled

People can be very snippy about their tea – even whether milk goes in first or second , and it @ @ @ @ @ so imagine how riled they can get when someone reinvents how it ’ s made @ @ @ @ @ named @ jchelle36 did exactly that a couple of months ago , and Twitter lost @ @ @ @ @ s what she got up to that time .
As if that weren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ the ante with her idea of how to make a hot tea , and – @ @ @ @ @ it .
Twitter was even less impressed than the last time .
Finally , if @ @ @ @ @ weren ’ t enough to be certain that that was an abomination , this is @ @ @ @ @ say .
This mum ’ s guide to ‘ how we make tea in America @ @ @ @ @

Videos
People can be very snippy about their tea – even whether milk goes in first or second, and it’s obviously first, so imagine how riled they can get when someone reinvents how it’s made altogether.
A TikTok user named @jchelle36 did exactly that a couple of months ago, and Twitter lost its mind. Here’s what she got up to that time.
I’m convinced America isn’t a real country, this shit has to be a reality tv show pic.twitter.com/bFhEwqpXwp — inabber (cult leader) (@iNabber69) March 5, 2020
As if that weren’t bad enough, she upped the ante with her idea of how to make a hot tea, and – well – just look at it.
BRITISH PEOPLE LOOK AWAY NOW pic.twitter.com/8a1CZgb20q — Lucy Nichol (@LucyENichol) May 7, 2020
Twitter was even less impressed than the last time.
1.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE HORRIFIED!!! pic.twitter.com/BimeihifzZ — NotAWonderWoman⁷ (@onmy9thlife) May 5, 2020
2.
This is the most abhorrent thing I have ever seen. If my American aunt does this or teaches my American cousins to do this I will defy the lock down and fly to Chicago to have words. https://t.co/XEZg3mCNas — T at Mummy Barrow (@MummyBarrow) May 7, 2020
3.
THE FUCKING BLASPHEMY OF THIS https://t.co/3BnXmgOV1E — Mistress Evilyne – Onlyfans top 2.9% (@MsEvilyne) May 7, 2020
4.
5.
She’s not really gonna drink that, right? https://t.co/gvvnz466dV — Touré (@Toure) May 8, 2020
Finally, if the reactions of ordinary people weren’t enough to be certain that that was an abomination, this is what Yorkshire Tea had to say.
READ MORE
This mum’s guide to ‘how we make tea in America ‘ is 100% WTF
Source @jchelle36 via @LucyENichol Image @jchelle36 via @LucyENichol


thepoke--2020-05-10--Boris Johnson’s Covid-19 update speech went down like a cough in a lift – 17 baffled responses

Excitement has been mounting since rumours emerged that the lockdown rules were about to be eased .
The Sun and @ @ @ @ @ .
A new slogan was leaked on Saturday , ahead of Boris Johnson ’ s @ @ @ @ @ only caused a certain amount of confusion .
The speech itself , prerecorded before a @ @ @ @ @ the next steps , only confused matters more .
He introduced a five-level warning system @ @ @ @ @ terrorism .
And he baffled people with who can or can ’ t go to @ @ @ @ @ everybody understood was that the Prime Minister said that people who can ’ t work @ @ @ @ @ work , avoiding public transport if possible .
Here ’ s what people had to @ @ @ @ @

Twitter
Excitement has been mounting since rumours emerged that the lockdown rules were about to be eased. The Sun and the Mail were really excited.
A new slogan was leaked on Saturday, ahead of Boris Johnson’s Sunday night speech, which only caused a certain amount of confusion.
Stay alert: Boris Johnson's new message to the nation, as he unveils Covid-19 warning systemhttps://t.co/J9GKW3wqKY pic.twitter.com/aSAsonDXqa — Edward Malnick (@edwardmalnick) May 9, 2020
The speech itself, prerecorded before a planned cabinet meeting to discuss the next steps, only confused matters more.
He introduced a five-level warning system, like the one for terrorism.
And he baffled people with who can or can’t go to the park.
One point everybody understood was that the Prime Minister said that people who can’t work from home should go to work, avoiding public transport if possible.
Here’s what people had to say about the update.
1.
So “Happy Monday” turned out to mean manufacturers will be forced to return to work during a pandemic but still not see their loved ones — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 10, 2020
2.
The fact we've now got pundits on TV debating the true meaning of all that like it was a Jose Mourinho press conference is perhaps a suggestion the messages were not clear enough… — James Maw (@JamesTMaw) May 10, 2020
3.
4.
boris said we can go to the pub when we reach lemon and herb pic.twitter.com/5qG8XJUVm6 — saz (@sarahlostctrl) May 10, 2020
5.
Never was so little said for so long to so many #boris — Ian Stone (@iandstone) May 10, 2020
6.
"I can go outside. Yet remain indoors. I can return to work. But my workplace is closed. I can see my family and friends. Yet I must stay away from others…." pic.twitter.com/El0GMRppUa — Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) May 10, 2020
7.
"Right. No, hang on. I've got it. You can go to work, yeah? But you can't, because you don't have a car. So if you move into his house, he can give you a lift there but not home because he has to pick the kids up…" pic.twitter.com/tg6vn8W3DW — Enough Of That Now (@AndyGilder) May 10, 2020
8.
Thoughts and prayers with the police having to try enforcing whatever *this* is now. — Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) May 10, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-05-12--“What’s the most wrong prediction you’ve ever made?” – 25 of the best (worst)

Some people have a nose for what ’ s going to do well , and those are the lucky lot @ @ @ @ @ property in Mayfair or an order placed well ahead of time for the must-have toy @ @ @ @ @ , however , are not so blessed .
Comedy producer , Ed Morrish made this @ @ @ @ @ Euro 96 match against Switzerland , which was being shown on TV for the sports @ @ @ @ @ .
There were similar stories in the replies .
So , Ed put this question @ @ @ @ @ our favourite inaccurate predictions .

Twitter
Some people have a nose for what’s going to do well, and those are the lucky lot with shares in Apple, property in Mayfair or an order placed well ahead of time for the must-have toy of the year.
Others, however, are not so blessed.
Comedy producer, Ed Morrish made this comment about England’s Euro 96 match against Switzerland, which was being shown on TV for the sports addicts turkeying for some action.
I’ll watch it if they include my mum saying “why have they picked Shearer? He never scores” during the national anthems. — Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) May 11, 2020
There were similar stories in the replies.
Christmas 1963. At family gathering, listening to the second Beatles album, which my cousin had got for Christmas. Dad argues with his 8 year old son (me) that The Beatles are a five minute wonder & will be long forgotten by next Christmas. — Stephen Gill (@StephenGill55) May 11, 2020
Parents buying a new computer circa 1993. Bought the best they could. Will you be needing a modum, techie asked. What’s that for? To be able to use the internet. Oh, no. We won’t be needing that. Won’t catch on. — Roger Winstanley (@WinstanleyRoger) May 11, 2020
So, Ed put this question to Twitter:
I’m opening this up to the group: What’s the most wrong prediction you’ve ever made? I remember arguing about which of the two bands we’d just seen was going to be more successful. Her: “I just think that song about Yellow will be a hit”. Me: Nah. https://t.co/kW3a373UKO — Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) May 11, 2020
These were our favourite inaccurate predictions.
1.
On my student radio show, in the space of 10 minutes, I wrote off both Shakira (“her lyrics are hilarious drivel!”) and Biffy Clyro (“stupid weird name, their guitar riffs sound like a banjo being dropped down the stairs”) Shakira went to number 1 a week later. — Greg Jenner: 'DEAD FAMOUS OUT NOW!' (@greg_jenner) May 11, 2020
2.
I said many a time that Boris will never be PM cos he’s a fucking charlatan and people have enough common sense to see that.🤪 — kath 🏴🙀😷❄🇪🇺 (@KathyBurke) May 11, 2020
3.
Me in March 2003: "Cameras on mobile phones? Hahahaha talk about desperate, that'll die a death" *smugly holds Sony Cybershot* — Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 11, 2020
4.
I watched the very first TV appearance on some now-forgotten yoof show of a pop group who seemed so gimmicky that I loudly proclaimed they would sink without a trace.
History has shown that The Spice Girls didn't. — Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) May 11, 2020
5.
Streaming will never catch on. People will always want the audio quality and physical artwork/inlay you get with CD/vinyl. The convenience isn’t worth it. https://t.co/t4QlbNU30E — Alex (@JudgeDewie) May 11, 2020
6.
A friend was eager to become a theatre ‘angel’ – I advised them NOT to put money into ‘Evita’ 🤦♀ “Seriously, who wants a show about dictators?” — Deborah Henry-Pollard (@fireworksdhp) May 11, 2020
7.
Got shown a new website with a few hundred users in 2006, called Twitter. "This is a complete waste of time and will never amount to anything." I was right about the first bit. — Tom Peck (@tompeck) May 11, 2020
8.
I remember being played an acetate of West End Girls before it came out and confidently averring that the Pet Shop Boys would never amount to anything. — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) May 11, 2020
9.
Reviewed 'Mamma Mia: The Musical', said it was a mawkish cheapskate travesty that anyone with a clue would hate – in HEAT magazine of all places. At least I didn't say it would flop (that I can recall). — Andrew Harrison (@Nndroid) May 11, 2020
10.
Text messages. Why would you waste your time typing a message, when you could just call them instead? It'll never catch on. — Simon Stretch (@simon_stretch) May 11, 2020
11.
I was staying at my (Bulgarian) then girlfriend's house on Brexit vote night. She was nervous, I told her not to worry and that the UK definitely wouldn't vote for something so obviously stupid. Woke up at 5am to go to the loo and checked my phone… — David Lloyd (@davewomble) May 11, 2020
12.


thepoke--2020-05-12--Whoever’s writing these Metro front page headlines, take the rest of the week off

We like what ’ s going on with the Metro ’ s front pages at the moment .
You might @ @ @ @ @ Farage last week which caught a lot of people ’ s attention .
And now @ @ @ @ @ done it again with this effort about Boris Johnson and his new oh-so-easy-to-follow Covid-19 guidelines @ @ @ @ @ writing Metro headlines these days but feel the sass , ’ said the always followable @ @ @ @ @

Pics
We like what’s going on with the Metro’s front pages at the moment. You might remember this one about Nigel Farage which caught a lot of people’s attention last week.
And now they’ve gone and done it again with this effort about Boris Johnson and his new oh-so-easy-to-follow Covid-19 guidelines.
‘Dunno who is writing Metro headlines these days but feel the sass,’ said the always followable @PickardJE on Twitter.
Bravo!
READ MORE
10 reasons why “good British common sense” might not be the best Covid-19 strategy
AND STILL MORE!
Elaine Paige felt the need to ‘clarify’ this headline after it was truncated to most unfortunate effect
Source @PickardJE


thepoke--2020-05-12--Donald Trump had a meltdown after he was challenged by two women reporters – only 5 responses you ne

Donald Trump had a meltdown after he was challenged by two women reporters – only 5 responses you need

Another day , another graphic demonstration of why Donald Trump isn ’ t the man to lead America anywhere , @ @ @ @ @ of its response to Covid-19 .
And here are the only 5 responses you need @ @ @ @ @ words , this .
Here ’ s just a little bit of what the two @ @ @ @ @ about it .
Bernie Sanders surely speaks for us all when he said this .

Twitter
Another day, another graphic demonstration of why Donald Trump isn’t the man to lead America anywhere, let alone be in charge of its response to Covid-19.
.@weijia: Why is this a global competition to you when Americans are losing their lives every day? TRUMP: Maybe that’s a question you should ask China. WEIJA: Why are you saying that to me, specifically? TRUMP: I’m saying it to anybody who would ask a nasty question like that. pic.twitter.com/hokJOXASh8 — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 11, 2020
And here are the only 5 responses you need to that.
1.
Trump proves he is both a racist & a misogynist dick in less than 60 Seconds. Let the @MikeBloomberg Ads begin. https://t.co/658Y1dqWJF — Malcolm Nance (@MalcolmNance) May 12, 2020
2.
Millions of women watch this and think, “I divorced that.” https://t.co/8OFdAL5w3m — Connie Schultz (@ConnieSchultz) May 11, 2020
3.
I love that these two female reporters basically scared trump off the stage by trying to ask legitimate questions. — PCR RitesGood (@pcrritesgood) May 11, 2020
4.
Oh. My. God. This third-rate, squalid, vulgar toad. He makes me sick. https://t.co/qJ8bVmS2HS — bettemidler (@BetteMidler) May 11, 2020
5.
It’s funny how bullies crumble when you stand up to them. pic.twitter.com/o56SBeoP5m — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 11, 2020
In two words, this.
Here’s just a little bit of what the two reporters involved had to say about it.
.@kaitlancollins allowed me to ask a follow up question after the President called on her, and then @Yamiche deferred to Kaitlin. I am fortunate to work alongside them. https://t.co/aG1F3xYIQO — Weijia Jiang (@weijia) May 12, 2020
Bernie Sanders surely spoke for everyone when he said this.
Pretty pathetic. Mr. Trump is a coward who tears down others to make himself feel powerful. https://t.co/A4HvLyTdpn — Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) May 11, 2020
Although we quite liked actor Ron Perlman’s take on the whole thing.
Yo, @realDonaldTrump , please give this a look and explain to the American people WHY YOU GOTTA BE SUCH A PUSSY! https://t.co/IK5nlfBo5q — Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) May 12, 2020
READ MORE
“Donald Trump x REM – Losing My Civilians”


thepoke--2020-05-12--Michael Spicer was in the Room Next Door as Matt Hancock introduced the tracing app

As much as we enjoy seeing Michael Spicer remotely eviscerate Donald Trump through the medium of ridicule – alright , @ @ @ @ @ a real treat to watch him pick apart the performance of UK politicians .
Matt @ @ @ @ @ keeps on giving .
“ Try to say the words rather than let them dribble @ @ @ @ @ ” The sketch was another hit .
Branch Manager seems particularly generous to Matt Hancock @ @ @ @ @ had listened to Michael Spicer in the room next door

Videos
As much as we enjoy seeing Michael Spicer remotely eviscerate Donald Trump through the medium of ridicule – alright, video – it’s a real treat to watch him pick apart the performance of UK politicians.
Matt Hancock is the gift that keeps on giving.
the room next door – Matt Hancock's Daily Briefing for #TheMashReport pic.twitter.com/vapCzB2Z8n — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 9, 2020
“Try to say the words rather than let them dribble out of your wobbly mouth.”
The sketch was another hit.
10 Rillington Place! We shouldn’t laugh! pic.twitter.com/uE2zKFSUS8 — Lydia Monks (@LydiaMonks) May 9, 2020
This is as close to reality as the public will ever see. https://t.co/klyzMtooka — MI6 Rogue 🇬🇧 (@mi6rogue) May 9, 2020
This guy creases me up. https://t.co/oBNVNea7NP — Ⓥince Goodridge #3in4 (@vinwelly) May 9, 2020
One aspect particularly inflamed Twitter.
I’m so sorry. I’ve nothing against PC World or their branch managers. pic.twitter.com/hPMxdCaOmN — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 9, 2020
Branch Manager seems particularly generous to Matt Hancock.
READ MORE
If only Matt Hancock had listened to Michael Spicer in the room next door
Source Michael Spicer Image Michael Spicer


thepoke--2020-05-12--5 brutal takedowns of the far-right talk show host who whined about a shop’s Covid-19 policy

The coronavirus has caused pain and suffering to hundreds of thousands of people and inconvenience to many more .
People @ @ @ @ @ loved ones , seen their incomes shrink or vanish and some , unfortunately , have @ @ @ @ @ .
Todd Starnes , a far-right commentator who writes columns and hosts a talk show @ @ @ @ @ and tribulations via Twitter .
from How Sad GIFs via Gfycat His inability to buy @ @ @ @ @ to wearing a mask for a few minutes buttered no parsnips with people familiar with @ @ @ @ @ came in for a healthy dose of utter scorn , like these five comments .
@ @ @ @ @ with Costco making masks compulsory and their response was brutal

Twitter
The coronavirus has caused pain and suffering to hundreds of thousands of people and inconvenience to many more.
People have been kept from their loved ones, seen their incomes shrink or vanish and some, unfortunately, have fared far worse than that.
Todd Starnes, a far-right commentator who writes columns and hosts a talk show, shared his particular trials and tribulations via Twitter.
Dropped by a department store to buy a toaster oven. Mandatory hand sanitizer squirt and mask. One way aisles and if you deviate from the approved zone for customers – they sternly lecture you. The country as we know it has been destroyed. And I still don’t have a toaster. — toddstarnes (@toddstarnes) May 8, 2020
from How Sad GIFs via Gfycat
His inability to buy a toaster and his objections to wearing a mask for a few minutes buttered no parsnips with people familiar with actual suffering.
During the Siege of Leningrad, my grandparents ate wallpaper glue. https://t.co/Mxw4pRPbKc — Alexander Nazaryan (@alexnazaryan) May 9, 2020
I didn't spend my childhood in barbed wire enclosed internment camps so I could listen to grown adults today cry oppression because they have to wear a mask at Costco. — George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) May 9, 2020
He also came in for a healthy dose of utter scorn, like these five comments.
1.
“The country as we know it has been destroyed”
“Care to elaborate?”
“I had to stand in a line for a toaster” — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 9, 2020
2.
I value freedom more than damn near anybody, but grow the fuck up Todd. Think of your fellow Americans. We’re all in this together. To keep everybody safe. And by the way, it’s only a fucking toaster. https://t.co/3cX7b2j19d — Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) May 9, 2020
3.
Clint Eastwood announces new film project https://t.co/M5djo970FD — (((Josh))) (@Tyrangiel) May 9, 2020
4.
How is your stock of Big Boy Diapers doing? I hope you're ok. https://t.co/bkZ3rmxVBk — Alex Kotch (@alexkotch) May 8, 2020
5.
To conclude.
Todd Starnes is 52 years old. Yet, the spirit apparently never moved him to purchase a toaster oven until in the middle of a pandemic. Todd is very sad now. About toasters. And freedom. But mostly toasters. https://t.co/P7ENmRy7iA — The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) May 9, 2020
READ MORE
Sharon’s not happy with Costco making masks compulsory and their response was brutal
Source Todd Starnes Image @danielisalgado on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-05-12--“Donald Trump x REM – Losing My Civilians”

The clever crowd over at JOE have used footage of Donald Trump to make him sing a new version of @ @ @ @ @ Losing My Religion , and it says everything the President should but won ’ t @ @ @ @ @ t funny , but the execution very much is .
Trump would undoubtedly be livid @ @ @ @ @ which we really hope he will .
Other people , however , have been giving @ @ @ @ @ .
Finally , a very serious piece of advice from JOE .
As if you @ @ @ @ @ John Bercow “ singing ” Danger , High Voltage is a fitting tribute to the @ @

Videos
The clever crowd over at JOE have used footage of Donald Trump to make him sing a new version of R.E.M.’s hit, Losing My Religion, and it says everything the President should but won’t.
The facts aren’t funny, but the execution very much is.
Donald Trump x REM – Losing My Civilians pic.twitter.com/vFmKpbOErT — PoliticsJOE (@PoliticsJOE_UK) May 8, 2020
We did this. Hope you enjoy it https://t.co/ghzEvczVlH — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 8, 2020
Trump would undoubtedly be livid if he saw this, which we really hope he will. Other people, however, have been giving it the props it deserves.
Art may just save Democracy https://t.co/njHm5aux9N — Steven Weber (@TheStevenWeber) May 8, 2020
Hardest I have laughed in a while. Wow. 😂 https://t.co/2b5hTluoZZ — Devin Duke (@sirDukeDevin) May 8, 2020
Finally, a very serious piece of advice from JOE.
Please don’t reply to @realDonaldTrump’s tweets with this video. That would be extremely childish and annoying to the President. https://t.co/b2hscLFAK8 — PoliticsJOE (@PoliticsJOE_UK) May 8, 2020
As if you’d do that.
READ MORE
John Bercow “singing” Danger, High Voltage is a fitting tribute to the retiring Speaker
Source JOE Image JOE


thepoke--2020-05-12--10 reasons why “good British common sense” might not be the best Covid-19 strategy

After the shambles of his Sunday evening Covid-19 advice update , Boris Johnson tried to clarify it on Monday in the House of Commons .
It didn ’ t work .
When the Leader of the Opposition asked the PM to give details on a number of points , his response was that people should use common sense , a phrase that also featured in the briefing .
We ’ re not saying that many British people don ’ t possess a wealth of common sense , because we know they do – but here are some reasons why it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rely on an entire nation ’ s common sense to prevent the spread of a killer virus .
1 .
People rang the police to report a shortage of chicken 2 .
They chose to dance a conga in the middle of the worst pandemic in modern Britain 3 .
They keep shoving stuff up themselves that they definitely shouldn ’ t 5 .
They ’ ve been burning down 5G masts to stop the coronavirus 6 .
They voted to remove their own freedom of movement 8 .
This entire story from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that people still do stuff like this On that topic , Mr Roger Quimbly may have a point .
Boris Johnson ’ s Covid-19 update speech went down like a cough in a lift – 17 baffled responses

Twitter
After the shambles of his Sunday evening Covid-19 advice update, Boris Johnson tried to clarify it on Monday in the House of Commons. It didn’t work.
When the Leader of the Opposition asked the PM to give details on a number of points, his response was that people should use common sense, a phrase that also featured in the briefing.
He just said the phrase "common sense" about twelve times. I think the translation here is: We cannot specify what we are saying, so work it out yourself. — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) May 11, 2020
'Common sense' again. That thing Jacob Rees Mogg said should make you ignore official advice. Still Leader of the House, though. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) May 11, 2020
We’re not saying that many British people don’t possess a wealth of common sense, because we know they do – but here are some reasons why it may not be a good idea to rely on an entire nation’s common sense to prevent the spread of a killer virus.
1. People rang the police to report a shortage of chicken
Boris is basically asking people to use common sense. In a country where we shit our pants when we ran out of KFC. #StayAlert — H (@LiveFromLondon8) May 10, 2020
2. They chose to dance a conga in the middle of the worst pandemic in modern Britain
#borisjohnsonspeech Boris Johnson: 'We must rely on the common sense of the British public…' British Public: pic.twitter.com/Df1fMIvz9m — Chris Gibson (@chr1sgibson) May 11, 2020
3. They keep shoving stuff up themselves that they definitely shouldn’t
4. This track record
Good Solid British Common Sense pic.twitter.com/gdGARnsVbK — Universal Basic Elainovision (@scattermoon) May 11, 2020
5. They’ve been burning down 5G masts to stop the coronavirus
Boris is calling for common sense from the same 5G truthers who burned down phone masts. #PMQs — Olly Barter (@OllyBarter) May 11, 2020
6. They voted to remove their own freedom of movement
Let’s be brutally honest. If the British public had “common sense” on complex issues, it wouldn’t have voted for Brexit — Professor Lord Sir Dominic Cummings, PhD (dishons) (@Eddystone506) May 11, 2020
7. Their love affair with Mrs Brown’s Boys
How much common sense does the British public have in reserve when it consistently votes Mrs Brown's Boys as its top comedy? — David Wilcock (@DavidTWilcock) May 11, 2020
8. This entire story from start to finish
9. The fact that people still do stuff like this
Boris Johnson's advice in Parliament: “Apply common sense … good common solid british common sense.” I dunno if we can rely on that pic.twitter.com/xblNVwZ1vL — Russ (@RussInCheshire) May 11, 2020
10. The absolute clincher
I’d have more faith in the British Public’s common sense had they not 6 months ago elected Boris Johnson. — Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) May 11, 2020
On that topic, Mr Roger Quimbly may have a point.
I will not be lectured on common sense by a man who can’t work out how to use a comb. — Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) May 11, 2020
READ MORE
Boris Johnson’s Covid-19 update speech went down like a cough in a lift – 17 baffled responses
Image Guardian, Elliott Stallion on Unsplash