thepoke--2020-10-20--Theresa May’s face as she listened to Michael Gove’s Brexit BS was all of us

There can ’ t be a person in the UK who hasn ’ t shook their head in disbelief at @ @ @ @ @ – generally about borders or experts or fish with passports or something or other .
@ @ @ @ @ on Monday , Theresa May ’ s face told that old , old story – @ @ @ @ @ UK can co-operate better with the EU on security when it no longer has access @ @ @ @ @ databases and file-sharing systems .
from Sure GIFs via Gfycat Anyway – people found Theresa @ @ @ @ @ lot more relatable than they ever did when she was Prime Minister .
Whatever was @ @ @ @ @ be certain that something stank in the Chamber .
Simply 17 funny things people said @ @ @ @ @ face at PMQs

Twitter
There can’t be a person in the UK who hasn’t shook their head in disbelief at something Michael Gove has said – generally about borders or experts or fish with passports or something or other.
In the House of Commons on Monday, Theresa May’s face told that old, old story –
“Gove is spouting BS again.”
May enjoying listening to her former colleagues … pic.twitter.com/BSyorbYTgP — Laura Kuenssberg (@bbclaurak) October 19, 2020
Here’s a little more background.
Watch Theresa May's reaction when Michael Gove talks bollocks on security. pic.twitter.com/nmpM3co53E — Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) October 19, 2020
So, apparently, the UK can co-operate better with the EU on security when it no longer has access to the EU’s databases and file-sharing systems.
from Sure GIFs via Gfycat
Anyway – people found Theresa May’s face a lot more relatable than they ever did when she was Prime Minister.
1.
Michael Gove talking such bollocks he’s even made Theresa May’s face look like she’s seen an asylum seeker being treated with compassion pic.twitter.com/YwVrdJctY1 — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 19, 2020
2.
Theresa May can look as fucking incredulous as she likes, but it was her self-interested appeasement of the reactionary pricks in the ERG, together with her relentless ‘no deal is better than a bad deal’ dogpiss, that led us down this cul-de-sac of cunterypic.twitter.com/vunrpgc7U0 — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) October 19, 2020
3.
Imagine being such an inept government that even Theresa May thinks you're shit. https://t.co/HmUjPAGv0O — Graham Lithgow (@grahamlithgow) October 19, 2020
4.
If only she'd been plugged in properly when she was PM! https://t.co/WjVz2jLJIK — Sixteen Million Rising 🇪🇺 3.5% 💪 (@16MillionRising) October 19, 2020
5.
Theresa May's reaction to Michael Gove spouting bollocks sums up what the rest of the world think as they watch us marching towards #Brexit. pic.twitter.com/YE4GiWdD74 — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) October 19, 2020
Comedian Reginald D. Hunter had other suspicions.
For all we know, she could have just been using this moment mask a fart https://t.co/DlG8I6FYF2 — Reginald D Hunter (@reginalddhunter) October 19, 2020
Whatever was going on, we can be certain that something stank in the Chamber.
READ MORE
Simply 17 funny things people said about Keir Starmer’s face at PMQs
Source Laura Kuenssberg Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-21--This heart-stopping near miss road rescue is an emotional ride and a half

An action-packed one minute that went viral and reduced us to jelly , if we ’ re being entirely honest @ @ @ @ @ questions but one happy ending , by the looks of it .
Seth MacFarlane doing @ @ @ @ @ Neeson ’ s Taken line has gone viral all over again

Videos
An action-packed one minute that went viral and reduced us to jelly, if we’re being entirely honest with you.
You don’t need to understand the language to know they are showing kindness. 😊 pic.twitter.com/enKxZC49Ct — Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) October 18, 2020
So many questions but one happy ending, by the looks of it.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. https://t.co/VU5Wmh4rKZ — Mick Foley (@RealMickFoley) October 20, 2020
He’s saying he’d take it….but he’s allergic 😂 — 🦅Jack Hawkins 🦅 (@BoulderHawk) October 19, 2020
I'm counting the days until this election is over so I can try to ignore politics & go back to tweeting show-biz trivia, toddlers laughing & heartwarming animal-rescue videos like this one.#TwoWeeksToGo https://t.co/0u38qawvfT — Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) October 20, 2020
I think the guy in the car takes the cat because the motorcycle dude is allergic, if I remember correctly. — Bipartiss Solucius (@BSolucius) October 19, 2020
Best tweet you'll see today. https://t.co/IkY6UgipLD — Dave Cokin (@davecokin) October 19, 2020
In short …
READ MORE
Seth MacFarlane doing Kermit the Frog doing Liam Neeson’s Taken line has gone viral all over again
Source Twitter @buitengebieden_


thepoke--2020-10-21--A Tory MP said Marcus Rashford has more power than he does – only 5 responses you need

Pressure is mounting on the government to do yet another U-turn and support families entitled to free school meals through @ @ @ @ @ Footballer Marcus Rashford is leading the campaign for the government to tackle food poverty among @ @ @ @ @ Baker – he used to be big in Brexit – went on Twitter to say @ @ @ @ @ the government was turning a blind eye .
Rashford asked him why he wasn ’ @ @ @ @ @ and have a conversation .
To which Baker said this .
A blind eye and @ @ @ @ @ these are surely the only 5 responses you need .
Or if you like it @ @ @ @ @ ‘ update board ’ nails what people think about Manchester and Boris Johnson right now

Twitter
Pressure is mounting on the government to do yet another U-turn and support families entitled to free school meals through the holidays in England.
Footballer Marcus Rashford is leading the campaign for the government to tackle food poverty among children.
Paying close attention to the Commons today and to those who are willing to turn a blind eye to the needs of our most vulnerable children, 2.2M of them who currently qualify for Free School Meals. 42% newly registered. Not to mention the 1.5M children who currently don’t qualify. — Marcus Rashford MBE (@MarcusRashford) October 21, 2020
Conservative MP Steve Baker – he used to be big in Brexit – went on Twitter to say Rashford was wrong to say the government was turning a blind eye.
No one will be turning a blind eye and it is wrong to suggest anyone would. Not destroying the currency with excessive QE is also one of our duties. https://t.co/EeDp1x3d85 — Steve Baker MP (@SteveBakerHW) October 21, 2020
Rashford asked him why he wasn’t allowing people to respond and have a conversation.
At least turn on your comments and let me respond Steve. I very much welcome conversation on this. https://t.co/ly329QWMOp — Marcus Rashford MBE (@MarcusRashford) October 21, 2020
To which Baker said this.
You have 3.4M followers Marcus, to my 96K. The power is yours here. Everyone knows feeding hungry children is a top priority. I’d like to see UC boosted. But if the economy and currency collapse, the poor will be devastated. Alleging a blind eye is just wrong. — Steve Baker MP (@SteveBakerHW) October 21, 2020
A blind eye and a deaf ear. And these are surely the only 5 responses you need.
Give it a rest, Steve. You're a Member of Parliament in the governing party. Don't moan about your lack of influence. What is wrong is pretending the economy will collapse if we feed hungry children. https://t.co/poPMMnuLBy — David Lammy (@DavidLammy) October 21, 2020
You are an elected member of parliament you buffoon. — The Ghost: BOOson SexHAUNT (@Brainmage) October 21, 2020
Delighted to learn I almost have more power than my MP. https://t.co/JmfeqWv169 — Alan White (@aljwhite) October 21, 2020
I missed the part where footballers can vote in parliament today https://t.co/eEyOKxQCpR — Ian Ford (@ij_ford) October 21, 2020
I'm really glad that critical theory is being banned from schools, so that we understand that power relations is actually just about who has more twitter followers https://t.co/HNwp1B0Sb6 — hk (@HKesvani) October 21, 2020
To conclude …
You just wasted 13 billion on track and trace and now you want to argue a few million quid for some kids to eat over Xmas is going to collapse the currency and the economy. Frankly Sir, this notion is laughable. — Together we will beat it (@Lollingenclave) October 21, 2020
And this.
Increasingly common confusion here between 'Power' and 'Reach'. Still, if the govt ensures that hungry children are fed at Christmas, it will be true that Marcus has the power here. If they are not, I think we will have to agree that the power lies with Steve and his colleagues. https://t.co/WoV1nnjMdW — Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) October 21, 2020
Or if you like it particularly brutal.
‘The power is yours here’. He’s not the one who gets to vote in Parliament about whether to let underprivileged children go hungry, you pointless waste of skin. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) October 21, 2020
READ MORE
This Tube ‘update board’ nails what people think about Manchester and Boris Johnson right now


thepoke--2020-10-21--People can’t get enough of Donald Trump’s comedy sad face after an interview gone wrong – 9 favourit

People can’t get enough of Donald Trump’s comedy sad face after an interview gone wrong – 9 favourite takedowns

Donald Trump ’ s done an interview with Lesley Stahl for CBS ’ s 60 Minutes programme and it doesn @ @ @ @ @ went entirely well for the so-called president .
We only say this because he later @ @ @ @ @ is what he looked like , after cutting short the CBS encounter .
Trump ’ @ @ @ @ @ viral and these are our favourite things people said about it .
Trump later tried @ @ @ @ @ for not wearing a mask although , if she ’ d been wearing one , @ @ @ @ @ seen how delighted she looks with how it went .
The interview is scheduled to @ @ @ @ @ Sunday night .
These rival politicians went viral with this joint ad because they ’ @ @ @ @ @ other

Videos
Donald Trump’s done an interview with Lesley Stahl for CBS’s 60 Minutes programme and it doesn’t look like it went entirely well for the so-called president.
We only say this because he later tweeted this.
I am pleased to inform you that, for the sake of accuracy in reporting, I am considering posting my interview with Lesley Stahl of 60 Minutes, PRIOR TO AIRTIME! This will be done so that everybody can get a glimpse of what a FAKE and BIASED interview is all about… — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 20, 2020
And this is what he looked like, after cutting short the CBS encounter.
Following his "60 Minutes" interview, Trump did not smile to greet cheering supporters as he departed the White House. pic.twitter.com/1WlcRzdqax — The Recount (@therecount) October 20, 2020
Trump’s comedy sad face went viral and these are our favourite things people said about it.
1.
OMG he is *literally* pouting. What did Lesley Stahl do to him? LOLOL I can't wait to see it. https://t.co/2ycYquglQe — Holly Figueroa O'Reilly (@AynRandPaulRyan) October 20, 2020
2.
This is the look of a defeated man who knows he just blew it. https://t.co/eh3hYCdR20 — Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) October 20, 2020
3.
Western cultural institution known as “Walk of Shame,” previously thought to occur only between midnight and 6am, can take place during daylight hours, latest data show. https://t.co/xZOUR3iVaD — DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) October 21, 2020
14.
he looks like he's going to cry lmao https://t.co/6PFMuUfCt9 — Haunted by…Carole Booskin??? (@lib_crusher) October 20, 2020
5.
I call this the “agony of defeat” walk… He knows it’s all crashing down. https://t.co/l56ZrxI6BS — Tara Setmayer (@TaraSetmayer) October 21, 2020
6.
Not trying to be dramatic here but this is genuinely the saddest he’s ever looked. https://t.co/FNPn2qZBI2 — Amanda Carpenter (@amandacarpenter) October 20, 2020
7.
8.
9.
that is one defeated motherfucker https://t.co/GikwSJvewB — Adam Parkhomenko (@AdamParkhomenko) October 20, 2020
Trump later tried to shame interviewer Lesley Stahl for not wearing a mask although, if she’d been wearing one, we couldn’t have seen how delighted she looks with how it went.
Ms. Stahl is looking pretty pleased with how the interview went https://t.co/IqHPgLk22d — George Conway (@gtconway3d) October 20, 2020
The interview is scheduled to go out on CBS on Sunday night.
READ MORE
These rival politicians went viral with this joint ad because they’re actually nice to each other
Source @therecount


thepoke--2020-10-21--These rival politicians went viral with this joint ad because they’re actually nice to each other

The level of political discourse these days isn ’ t what it was .
In fact , it hasn ’ @ @ @ @ @ for a long time , but it ’ s fair to say Donald Trump and @ @ @ @ @ ) have accelerated its decline .
Which is what made this advert , featuring two @ @ @ @ @ elected to Congress next month – so surprising .
And why it went so wildly @ @ @ @ @ men is Republican Spencer Cox and the other is Democratic candidate Chris Peterson .
And @ @ @ @ @ of the things people were saying about it .
Not everyone was so wholly positive @ @ @ @ @ ‘ update board ’ nails what people think about Manchester and Boris Johnson right now

Videos
The level of political discourse these days isn’t what it was. In fact, it hasn’t been what it was for a long time, but it’s fair to say Donald Trump and his ilk (Boris Johnson) have accelerated its decline.
Which is what made this advert, featuring two rival politicians bidding to be elected to Congress next month – so surprising. And why it went so wildly viral.
One of these men is Republican Spencer Cox and the other is Democratic candidate Chris Peterson.
I’m not sure this has ever been done before…but as our national political dialogue continues to decline, my opponent @PetersonUtah and I decided to try something different. We can disagree without hating each other. Let’s make Utah an example to the nation. #StandUnited #utpol pic.twitter.com/Tkr2sDCYTB — Spencer Cox (@SpencerJCox) October 20, 2020
Brilliantly done.
And here are just a few of the things people were saying about it.
Well this is quite something pic.twitter.com/S46emJEBeS — Daniel Hewitt (@DanielHewittITV) October 20, 2020
This is far and away the best political ad of the cycle — Mike Melillo (@Headquarters222) October 20, 2020
I couldn’t love this more! This is an example of how it should be. — Amber Salyers (@AmberSalyers8) October 20, 2020
I literally can't believe this is real. That's how bad this has gotten. https://t.co/Kb7a4yAEJs — Aaron E. Carroll (@aaronecarroll) October 20, 2020
I love it. Civility is a concept that has been buried under politics. This ad reminds us that we can be civil while still disagreeing with one another. Thank you both! — Emerson (@ecarnavale) October 20, 2020
Civility in US politics: it still exists https://t.co/JIaSJ6QF3r — ian bremmer (@ianbremmer) October 20, 2020
“I’m an Apple” “I’m a PC” — sam t. (@redturn1) October 20, 2020
People in Utah are just different….and nicer pic.twitter.com/J1KLeBPiHH — Matt Jones (@KySportsRadio) October 20, 2020
Not everyone was so wholly positive about it.
Wow. Two rich 50 year old white dudes who live in the same 90% white state and are in the same religious cult can be friends with each other despite having different opinions on what the income tax rate should be https://t.co/IKpHLhlVT0 — Future American Refugee (@futureusrefugee) October 20, 2020
READ MORE
This Tube ‘update board’ nails what people think about Manchester and Boris Johnson right now
Source @SpencerJCox


thepoke--2020-10-21--People are sharing their irrational beliefs that have no basis in fact – 17 favourites

People have been sharing the irrational beliefs that they cling onto ( invariably from childhood ) despite them having no @ @ @ @ @ a very entertaining read they make too .
It all started when journalist @ IanDunt @ @ @ @ @ And it got people sharing their own entirely irrational ( but long held ) beliefs @ @ @ @ @ .

Twitter
People have been sharing the irrational beliefs that they cling onto (invariably from childhood) despite them having no basis in fact.
And a very entertaining read they make too. It all started when journalist @IanDunt shared this on Twitter.
Constantly find beliefs still hanging around my brain that have zero basis in fact, mostly left over unanalysed since childhood. Today's is that if you hold your nose to stop a sneeze you can damage your brain. — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) October 20, 2020
I honestly just did this and thought – mustn't do that, it can hurt my brain. And then realised: wait a fucking minute. Some kid told me that in the playground 30 years ago. What the actual fuck am I thinking? — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) October 20, 2020
And it got people sharing their own entirely irrational (but long held) beliefs. Here are our favourites.
1.
When I was a young kid we had a family friend whose left thumb was partially missing from an accident, and my parents told me it was because he sucked his thumb too much and it had shrunk like a sweet does. I was mortified and believed this until at least my mid teens. — Adrian Brian Thompson 🇪🇺🏳🌈🌱 (@_adriantweets) October 20, 2020
2.
I had a moment at about 20 when I went… hold on… I don't think there's a viable mechanism by which a change in the direction of the wind could cause ones face to become frozen in a silly position. https://t.co/GV3GouiKj7 — Tim Minchin (@timminchin) October 20, 2020
3.
I still can’t print something off a website without worrying I might inadvertently print the whole entire internet. Thanks to the compulsory class on The World Wide Web my VI form college ran around 1998, I am scarred! — Novelsanddemocracy (@Polly69848214) October 20, 2020
4.
I had a work colleague whose mother told her she would get cystitis if she didn’t wear her slippers. When, in her mid twenties, her GP told her she had a bout of cystitis she was genuinely shocked asking ” I can’t have, I’ve always worn my slippers!” — Judith Penney 🖤🇨🇰 #3.5%#GTTO#Wearamask🌹 (@KentTiger61) October 20, 2020
5.
I can’t shake the belief that the rate I pour water from a boiled kettle affects the remaining quantity. Constantly think ‘not much left, best pour it slowly’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ — nymarkmusic (@nymarkmusic) October 20, 2020
6.
I was taught to believe that boiling water more than once somehow taints it and you must “always use freshly drawn water to boil”. I don’t know if it’s true but I do it anyway! — Allie Keith (@alliekeith) October 20, 2020
7.
“Don’t sit on radiators. You get piles.” I’ll walk around freezing rather than heat my posterior. All because a teacher drummed that into me as a kid. — iwannabeacontender (@briansheahan79) October 20, 2020
8.
I was told I’d also get piles from sitting on cold ground, especially concrete. — Tim Grey (@GreyTim) October 20, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-10-21--This ‘porn movie’ plumber ignoring his customer’s advances is a very funny watch

A ‘ porn movie ’ with a difference – it ’ s not as NSFW as you think , honest @ @ @ @ @ on TikTok .
It ’ s been watched more than 4 million times because , @ @ @ @ @ for yourself .
It was also getting lots of love over on Reddit after it @ @ @ @ @ here are just a few of the things people were saying about it .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ is really well done , the first 10 seconds or so I legitimately thought it @ @ @ @ @ porn video.
’ Antrix32 ‘ They really do both look like pornstars for some reason @ @ @ @ @ makeup , excellent.
’ TheHapster ‘ It ’ s the studio lights and over saturated @ @ @ @ @ like it ’ s made of cardboard.
’ skeupp ‘ I unfortunately do my own @ @ @ @ @ Friend works as restorer .
Just found this under floorboards of old property he ’ @ @ @ @ @

Videos
A ‘porn movie’ with a difference – it’s not as NSFW as you think, honest – from @jackthepoolboy over on TikTok.
It’s been watched more than 4 million times because, well, have a watch for yourself.
Boom.
It was getting a lot of love over on Reddit after it was shared by unostriker and here are just a few of the things people were saying about it.
‘The way this is filmed/acted is really well done, the first 10 seconds or so I legitimately thought it was grabbed from an actual porn video.’ Antrix32 ‘They really do both look like pornstars for some reason. The buzzcut, the makeup, excellent.’ TheHapster ‘It’s the studio lights and over saturated colors. Plus everything looks like it’s made of cardboard.’ skeupp ‘I unfortunately do my own plumbing too.’ Mosesmanofsteel01
READ MORE
‘Friend works as restorer. Just found this under floorboards of old property he’s working on …’
Source TikTok @jackthepoolboy H/T Reddit sted byu/unostriker


thepoke--2020-10-21--This Tube ‘update board’ nails what people think about Manchester and Boris Johnson right now

Everyone ’ s talking about Manchester mayor Andy Burnham today after the city was forced into Tier 3 with only @ @ @ @ @ far short of the £90m Burnham asked for and a fraction of the government ’ @ @ @ @ @ can read exactly what people made of that here , but this London Underground ‘ @ @ @ @ @ up many people ’ s feelings today .
The text in the top left suggests @ @ @ @ @ genuine article but the sentiment is very real and it was going wildly viral on @ @ @ @ @ in case you missed it , here ’ s Burnham in action in a clip @ @ @ @ @ shared .
The government has forced Manchester into Tier 3 without adequate support – 14 @ @

Pics
Everyone’s talking about Manchester mayor Andy Burnham today after the city was forced into Tier 3 with only a £22m support package – far short of the £90m Burnham asked for and a fraction of the government’s original offer.
You can read exactly what people made of that here, but this London Underground ‘service information board’ sums up many people’s feelings today.
The text in the top left suggests it might not be the genuine article but the sentiment is very real and it was going wildly viral on Twitter today.
And just in case you missed it, here’s Burnham in action, in a clip that was being widely shared today (the question is actually from journalist Nicholas Watt, as @BeardedGenius said later).
Great answer. The question – I think from Nick Robinson – suggested haggling over £5m was ‘showboating’ over a ‘relatively small amount of money’. This is what Burnham said: pic.twitter.com/MIQkbyIy23 — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) October 20, 2020
READ MORE
The government has forced Manchester into Tier 3 without adequate support – 14 scathing condemnations


thepoke--2020-10-21--Twisted Doodles illustrates beautifully how lockdown trends have evolved

The Irish artist who goes by the name Twisted Doodles has a real gift for making situations both clear and @ @ @ @ @ .
You ’ ve almost certainly seen a lot of her pictures , perhaps including @ @ @ @ @ shared another observation on the side effects of the pandemic , with these perfect illustrations @ @ @ @ @ changed between spring and autumn .
As a bonus , here are some Halloween costume @ @ @ @ @ from her website , here .
“ 12 stages of corona ” charts a relatable @ @ @ @ @ lockdown

Pics
The Irish artist who goes by the name Twisted Doodles has a real gift for making situations both clear and funny through her web cartoons.
You’ve almost certainly seen a lot of her pictures, perhaps including these.
Things I’ve noticed during lockdown pic.twitter.com/ZnBMZRgrce — TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) June 6, 2020
She has now shared another observation on the side effects of the pandemic, with these perfect illustrations of how lockdown trends have changed between spring and autumn.
As a bonus, here are some Halloween costume suggestions.
Find out more from her website, here.
READ MORE
“12 stages of corona” charts a relatable and very funny path through lockdown
Source Twisted Doodles Image Twisted Doodles, Erik Mclean on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-10-21--This toddler raised her mum’s TikTok video to high comedy by stealing the phone

When TikToker @ kalynnbrianna was just getting ready to unleash her smooth moves on the world , dancing with a @ @ @ @ @ raised the video to new comedic levels by stealing the phone .
Twitter recognised gold @ @ @ @ @ boosting the video ’ s views to over seven million in less than 48 hours @ @ @ @ @ Jr. hilariously shows why you shouldn ’ t swear near toddlers

Videos
When TikToker @kalynnbrianna was just getting ready to unleash her smooth moves on the world, dancing with a friend, her young daughter raised the video to new comedic levels by stealing the phone.
Watch what happened.
Twitter recognised gold when it saw it, boosting the video’s views to over seven million in less than 48 hours.
I've watched this so many times 😅 https://t.co/nhxBZ9Nx71 — MarkeiAAARGH! 👻 McCarty (@markeiamccarty) October 20, 2020
More babies stealing phones please. https://t.co/5d2n5eTiAN — Sami Schalk (@DrSamiSchalk) October 20, 2020
Toddlers legit think they can outrun you 😂😂😂 https://t.co/vXnSorhCbG — Patty Grace (@Patty__Grace) October 19, 2020
Thee Gleaux Baby shared this inarguable truth.
Nobody runs faster than a baby who has something they not supposed to https://t.co/LnDZl8bLMN — ⚜Thee Gleaux Baby⚜ (@whatJuicyJaySay) October 19, 2020
READ MORE
Hamilton star Leslie Odom Jr. hilariously shows why you shouldn’t swear near toddlers
Source @kalynnbrianna Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-21--Heathrow has just started offering £80 coronavirus tests – 5 spectacularly underwhelmed responses

Heathrow Airport is the first in the UK to make tests available for passengers going abroad .
The tests , @ @ @ @ @ are not compulsory and will only be offered to travellers heading to Hong Kong – @ @ @ @ @ test before entry The results are delivered within an hour , making them a more @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s fair to say that Twitter was somewhat underwhelmed .
These five @ @ @ @ @ That was quite the near miss .
The ‘ NHS ’ Test and Trace app @ @ @ @ @ for NHS tests – 11 sick burns

Twitter
Heathrow Airport is the first in the UK to make tests available for passengers going abroad.
The tests, which are £80 each, are not compulsory and will only be offered to travellers heading to Hong Kong – which requires a recent negative test before entry
The results are delivered within an hour, making them a more convenient option than other methods.
The BBC shared the news.
Covid-19: First UK airport coronavirus testing begins https://t.co/l24uOPGXbk — BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) October 19, 2020
It’s fair to say that Twitter was somewhat underwhelmed.
These five reactions have it covered.
1.
We think that doing this now is the best way to prevent the virus reaching the UK eight months ago.#CovidUK https://t.co/kVLGcw8Jve — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) October 20, 2020
2.
Just in time, I hear there’s a virus going around in Wuhan https://t.co/4SGKRmC7Aw — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 20, 2020
3.
I get why comedy is our export, because we're literally a huge joke. https://t.co/Ys0WoV0pkB — my sexuality is dan levy's spooky eyebrows (@SaimaFerdows) October 20, 2020
4.
Just broke my neck doin' a double take between this and my calendar. https://t.co/c4cbsEKlCn — DRACULA DRACULA DRACULA (@NightmareModeGo) October 20, 2020
5.
The uk goverment is the internet explorer of government. https://t.co/2fPGJjJKzv — Duffeh | 3.5% 🇪🇺 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Duffeh_Leeds) October 20, 2020
Editor David Moore had this beautifully sarcastic addition.
*phew* imagine if we'd not got to it in time https://t.co/CipomeiMzR — David MooahahaHAHAHAHAHA! (@dtmooreeditor) October 20, 2020
That was quite the near miss.
READ MORE
The ‘NHS’ Test and Trace app was launched with no option for NHS tests – 11 sick burns
Source BBC News Image JESHOOTS and Mufid Majnun on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-10-21--The government has forced Manchester into Tier 3 without adequate support – 14 scathing condemnation

The government has forced Manchester into Tier 3 without adequate support – 14 scathing condemnations

After the deadline of noon on Tuesday came and went without politicians reaching an agreement , Greater Manchester was put @ @ @ @ @ Tier 3 rules without an economic package .
Manchester negotiators had been holding out for @ @ @ @ @ , but the government had refused to offer more than £60m .
Ultimately , the @ @ @ @ @ leaving just £22m – based on £8 per head – to aid with Test and @ @ @ @ @ s Mayor , Andy Burnham , learnt the news while on camera .
Mayor Burnham @ @ @ @ @ the North , fielded this accusation of playing politics over £5m .
He couldn ’ @ @ @ @ @ the devastating turn of events .
The government ’ s treatment of the region could @ @ @ @ @ the formerly Red Wall next casts its vote .
There was an enormous amount of @ @ @ @ @ .

News
After the deadline of noon on Tuesday came and went without politicians reaching an agreement, Greater Manchester was put on notice of falling under Tier 3 rules without an economic package.
Manchester negotiators had been holding out for £65m, down from £90m, but the government had refused to offer more than £60m.
Ultimately, the economic element was withdrawn, leaving just £22m – based on £8 per head – to aid with Test and Trace.
The region’s Mayor, Andy Burnham, learnt the news while on camera.
I thought the most statesmanlike and diplomatic approach would be to let Andy Burnham find out he's only getting £22m for Manchester live on air from the media.#DailyBriefing #KingOfTheNorth pic.twitter.com/11LsLpeoUI — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) October 20, 2020
Mayor Burnham, dubbed The King of the North, fielded this accusation of playing politics over £5m.
Great answer. The question – I think from Nick Robinson – suggested haggling over £5m was ‘showboating’ over a ‘relatively small amount of money’. This is what Burnham said: pic.twitter.com/MIQkbyIy23 — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) October 20, 2020
He couldn’t hide his anger at the devastating turn of events.
Andy Burnham absolutely letting rip at the government for withholding the support Manchester needs… looking like the Clark Kent of Stockport. #ManchesterLockdown @AndyBurnhamGM pic.twitter.com/zEpj3c4ygW — Femi (@Femi_Sorry) October 20, 2020
The government’s treatment of the region could have repercussions for them when the formerly Red Wall next casts its vote.
It's not Andy Burnham they've humiliated, it's themselves. It's not Andy Burnham they've insulted, it's the people of Greater Manchester. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) October 20, 2020
There was an enormous amount of support for Manchester on Twitter.
1.
Tories in September: "We are all in this together" Tories in October: "fuck Manchester in particular" — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 20, 2020
2.
PPE from a tiny company that specialise in killing rats:
Have 106 million pounds Test and trace that's run on Microsoft fucking Excel:
Have 10 Billion pounds Turning our passports blue:
No amount of money is too big Supporting the north:
We’re not made of money — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 20, 2020
3.
FUN FACT. The Manchester deal failed because the government wasn't prepared to pay another £5m to help people survive, or 0.042% of the £12bn they/ve spent on the failed Test and Trace. — David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 20, 2020
4.
How much is Dido Harding being paid exactly? Like the folks of Manchester is it £8 — Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) October 20, 2020
5.
BREAKING: Government insists Manchester’s £22 million support package is actually very generous, as that sort of money could run a failed test and trace system for over 14 minutes. — Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) October 20, 2020
6.


thepoke--2020-10-21--This little girl’s unexpected high five is just the content we needed today

This is just a lovely moment and exactly the content we needed at the end of a long day .
@ @ @ @ @ rescue is an emotional ride and a half

Videos
This is just a lovely moment and exactly the content we needed at the end of a long day.
Father is saying a blessing. The innocence of a child. They’re trying not to laugh. Best thing you’ll see today… pic.twitter.com/8ueI8JLhnf — Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) October 21, 2020
High five!
That was adorable. I really thought the priest was gonna lose it and start laughing. 😆 — Magpie (@OutspokenMagpie) October 21, 2020
Rule number one of high fives: never leave someone hanging — MightyMary007 (@Mary007Mighty) October 21, 2020
Unless it's Jesus on the cross dying for our sins! Amiright?
Thank you. I'll be leaving. — David L. Meeks (@DavidLMeeks) October 21, 2020
READ MORE
This heart-stopping near miss road rescue is an emotional ride and a half
Source Twitter @ruidiaz_ddhh HT @RexChapman


thepoke--2020-10-21--This German MEP’s takedown of Boris Johnson is simply brutal

We hadn ’ t heard of German MEP Theresa Reintke until today but she ’ s just gone vial with @ @ @ @ @ Johnson .
With the UK ’ s Brexit negotiations going nowhere fast , Reintke presumably @ @ @ @ @ tell it exactly like it is in the European Parliament .
And it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ everyone was happy though .

Videos
We hadn’t heard of German MEP Theresa Reintke until today but she’s just gone vial with this scathing attack on Boris Johnson.
With the UK’s Brexit negotiations going nowhere fast, Reintke presumably thought it was time to tell it exactly like it is in the European Parliament. And it’s quite the watch.
This was German MEP Theresa Reintke’s scathing attack on Boris Johnson accusing him of “lying to the people in the UK.” She urged him to return to the Brexit negotiations and “stop blaming others for your actions.” pic.twitter.com/z5AACLhyZD — LBC (@LBC) October 21, 2020
Oof.
No one should be allowed to fall for @michaelgove and @BorisJohnson 's lies about the negotiations. The responsibility for where we falls on them. Don't let them get away with lying to us ('the people') yet again. Please retweet. https://t.co/pyLIvsW5CE — Jessica Simor QC (@JMPSimor) October 21, 2020
Not everyone was happy though.
Whether he is, or whether he isn't, it has NOTHING to do with a German MEP. It is for the people of the UK to decide. — Malcolm Needs CSci FIBMS FBBTS (@MalcolmNeeds54) October 21, 2020
Source @LBC


thepoke--2020-10-22--A scrap of paper froze to the back of this fridge and it’s a work of art

‘ The piece of paper that is frozen to the back of my fridge looks like a wiener dog , @ @ @ @ @ Reddit .
They ’ re not wrong , you know .
People enjoyed Netflix ’ @ @ @ @ @ who slagged off their movie selection

Pics
‘The piece of paper that is frozen to the back of my fridge looks like a wiener dog,’ says nighteeeeey over on Reddit.
They’re not wrong, you know.
‘You can never remove it. It’s an art installation.’ Zombieteam ‘I actually studied art :D’ nighteeeeey ‘It’s indeed a very cool art installation.’ bloodspeed
READ MORE
People enjoyed Netflix’s takedown of the guy who slagged off their movie selection
Source Reddit u/nighteeeeey


thepoke--2020-10-22--This woman’s husband just had a vasectomy and she’s not holding back

‘ My wife thinks she ’ s a comedian… 😂 ’ says gibletzor over on Reddit .
‘ It took @ @ @ @ @ realize the note were shaped like sperm…😆 ’ ima_little_stitious ‘ Yeah I thought they were @ @ @ @ @ ’ gibletzor ‘ I have some bad news for you…your wife IS a comedian .
@ @ @ @ @ hilarious.
’ jj140519111

‘My wife thinks she’s a comedian… 😂’ says gibletzor over on Reddit.
‘It took me entirely too long to realize the note were shaped like sperm…😆’ ima_little_stitious
‘Yeah I thought they were quote bubbles at first!’ gibletzor
‘I have some bad news for you…your wife IS a comedian. Because that’s freaking hilarious.’ jj140519111


thepoke--2020-10-22--People enjoyed Netflix’s takedown of the guy who slagged off their movie selection

Late contender for takedown of the week comes this from Netflix , to a guy who was less than entirely @ @ @ @ @ movies it offers .
You don ’ t get that with Amazon Prime .

Popular
Late contender for takedown of the week comes this from Netflix, to a guy who was less than entirely impressed with the selection of movies it offers.
You don’t get that with Amazon Prime.
‘Thats kinda r/suicidebywords.’ love-song-hater ‘For both of them.’ Pressure_Chief ‘To be fair, Netflix does have a shitty movie selection.’ DanMc0427
READ MORE
Tinder takedown of the week
Source Reddit u/cannabalisticdeer


thepoke--2020-10-22--Tinder takedown of the week

Tinder takedown of the week

In the latest in an occasional series , this week ’ s Tinder exchange of the week comes courtesy of @ @ @ @ @ Needless to say , she unmatched me.
’ ‘ Literally the best reply you could @ @ @ @ @ At least she was honest about how annoying she is , so you didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ meeting her !
’ marie-llama Tinder exchange of the week ( not this week , @ @ @

Popular
In the latest of an occasional series, this week’s Tinder exchange of the week comes courtesy of Redditor ForceEdge47 who says ‘Needless to say, she unmatched me.’
Boom.
‘Literally the best reply you could have given.’ GrannyMildred ‘Also, she missed a lot of punctuation.’ AtomicKittenz ‘At least she was honest about how annoying she is, so you didn’t waste your time by meeting her!’ marie-llama ‘Bulletpoint dodged.’ Unfadable1
READ MORE
Tinder exchange of the week (not this week, another week)
Source Reddit u/ForceEdge47


thepoke--2020-10-22--‘Honesty is the best policy’

‘Honesty is the best policy’

We enjoyed this exchange shared on subReddit ‘ clever comebacks ’ featuring American mixed martial artist , Paul Felder .
@ @ @ @ @ Tubergod1 who said : ‘ Honesty is the best policy.
’ ‘ I love when @ @ @ @ @ so sensible that it just diffuses the entire confrontation lol.
’ arclightrg This little girl @ @ @ @ @ is just the content we needed today

Twitter
We enjoyed this exchange shared on subReddit ‘clever comebacks’ featuring American mixed martial artist, Paul Felder.
It was shared by Redditor Tubergod1 who said: ‘Honesty is the best policy.’
‘I love when someone’s comeback is so sensible that it just diffuses the entire confrontation lol.’ arclightrg
READ MORE
This little girl’s unexpected high five is just the content we needed today
Source Reddit u/Tubergod1


thepoke--2020-10-22--Nigel Farage just made a point that everyone agrees with and people are confused – 5 favourite respo

Nigel Farage just made a point that everyone agrees with and people are confused – 5 favourite responses

As you ’ ll have seen by now MPs have voted against feeding hungry children during the school holidays .
@ @ @ @ @ angry condemnation ( catch up with it all here ) and this observation by someone @ @ @ @ @ Farage .
We only mention it because everyone agreed with him , prompting no end @ @ @ @ @ .
Here are our 5 favourite things people said about it .
MPs voted against @ @ @ @ @ holidays – 11 outright condemnations

News
As you’ll have seen by now MPs have voted against feeding hungry children during the school holidays.
NEW: Labour vote to extend free school meals over the holidays until Easter 2021 is defeated 322-261. Government majority of 61. — Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) October 21, 2020
The decision prompted lots of angry condemnation (catch up with it all here) and this observation by someone you might remember called Nigel Farage.
If the government can subsidise Eat Out to Help Out, not being seen to give poor kids lunch in the school holidays looks mean and is wrong. — Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) October 22, 2020
We only mention it because everyone agreed with him, prompting no end of confusion and head scratching. Here are our 5 favourite things people said about it.
Imagine being such a cunt you make Nigel Farage look reasonable https://t.co/a8D69hwpeS — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 22, 2020
Even a racist clock… https://t.co/QVdiysWs60 — machine gun Kele (@kelechnekoff) October 22, 2020
Who had agreeing with Nigel Farage in apocalypse bingo then https://t.co/gq8GJzpZZL — Cara Lisette (@CaraLisette) October 22, 2020
being in agreement with nigel farage is the final straw. i’ve had enough. let me go see god and my dead pets, i’m ready. https://t.co/v0AOhpIqK4 — joe (@jxeker) October 22, 2020
To conclude …
Oh God, please don’t do this again, I don’t like agreeing with you. — Buck Frexit! 🇪🇺💚🐟🌍🕯#FBPE #ElectoralReform (@Beany_1) October 22, 2020
And this.
Is this one of those *what would be tweet to let your mates know you’ve been kidnapped* moments https://t.co/ncfbmHJSO0 — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) October 22, 2020
And this, definitely this.
So what you’re saying is that people who face hardship through no fault of their own shouldn’t be further punished by the state for the circumstances in which they find themselves? Interesting. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) October 22, 2020
READ MORE
MPs voted against feeding hungry kids during the holidays – 11 outright condemnations
Source @Nigel_Farage


thepoke--2020-10-22--Tiers, schools and clapping – the 11 funniest things people are saying about the pandemic

If you ’ re struggling to work out what rules you now live under , don ’ t worry – @ @ @ @ @ dad has forgotten them every time he does anything and nothing bad has happened to @ @ @ @ @ be fine .
Right ?
RIGHT ?
Maybe not .
That ’ s probably why @ @ @ @ @ What Would Stanley Johnson Do ?
” merchandise .
While you wonder whether to design @ @ @ @ @ , read what funny tweeters have been saying about the pandemic .
12 of the @ @ @ @ @ seen about Covid concerns

Twitter
If you’re struggling to work out what rules you now live under, don’t worry – the Prime Minister’s dad has forgotten them every time he does anything and nothing bad has happened to him, so you should be fine. Right? RIGHT?
Maybe not. That’s probably why there’s no “What Would Stanley Johnson Do?” merchandise.
While you wonder whether to design some and start a business, read what funny tweeters have been saying about the pandemic.
1.
Wales going into lockdown but keeping the schools open is kinda like trying to fight a shark with a banana. — joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 19, 2020
there is a secret level Tier 4 which is total lockdown everywhere apart from Wetherspoons in Barnard Castle — dave ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) October 12, 2020
2.
When Nicola Sturgeon announces increased quarantine measures in the middle of yer haircut pic.twitter.com/UAscdEOaRA — Rosa Zambonini (@ROSAZAMBONINI) October 17, 2020
3.
Tier 4 – we all have to live with Michael Gove. — Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) October 19, 2020
4.
Places you can’t catch Covid-19 in Greater Manchester: • pubs
• restaurants
• shops
• gyms
• buses
• trains
• offices
• factories
• churches Places you can catch Covid-19 in Greater Manchester: • your Auntie Pat’s conservatory — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) July 30, 2020
5.
have an affair or hide in a fridge https://t.co/WIwCQhnio9 — GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 19, 2020
6.
At Tier 4 they bring back the Thursday clapping — Katie Storey (@KEStorey) October 19, 2020
7.
If Wales have a firebreak, hopefully Scotland will take wind or water break and NI the other. Then England for the first time in years might get a break from soiling itself. — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) October 19, 2020
8.
Cornish 3 tier alert system. MEDIUM- 2 large pasties left, 3 mediums and 4 smalls. HIGH- 1 large pasty left, 2 mediums and 2 smalls VERY HIGH- 0 large pasties left, 0 mediums left, 1 small chicken pasty left and it’s cold. — Edward Rowe (@Kernow_King) October 13, 2020
9.
Another simple rule from the government. If you're in Tier 3 then pubs will close unless those pubs sell food then they can stay open but you can't socialise in them but you can go into them and once you find the amulet you can enter Tier 4 where gravity is switched off. — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 12, 2020
10.
This is my first pandemic and I don’t think I’ll do another one. It’s not for me — Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) October 17, 2020
11.
I’ve always been resentful that I can’t have a pet dinosaur, but especially now during the pandemic when I could really use the emotional support. — batkaren (@batkaren) October 19, 2020
READ MORE
12 of the funniest posts we’ve seen about Covid concerns
Image Screengrab, Rosa Zambonini


thepoke--2020-10-22--The only 5 reactions you need to Krishnan Guru-Murthy’s answer to child food poverty

As you will probably have learnt by now , parliament voted down Labour ’ s attempt to get food vouchers @ @ @ @ @ so that they wouldn ’ t go hungry during school holidays .
There was an @ @ @ @ @ with thousands of condemnations of the decision .
We certainly wouldn ’ t want to @ @ @ @ @ charity , but people did spot a few flaws with the plan .
These five @ @ @ @ @ MPs voted against feeding hungry kids during the holidays – 11 outright condemnations

Twitter
As you will probably have learnt by now, parliament voted down Labour’s attempt to get food vouchers for the poorest children, so that they wouldn’t go hungry during school holidays.
There was an understandable outcry on Twitter, with thousands of condemnations of the decision.
Channel 4 News’s Krishnan Guru-Murthy had this suggestion.
We certainly wouldn’t want to discourage anyone from giving to charity, but people did spot a few flaws with the plan.
These five responses have it covered.
1.
Krish, this is kind of what we ALL pay our taxes for mate. It shouldn't be down to charities to step in where the state has deliberately deprived. https://t.co/wMq020tu7V — Jack Monroe (@BootstrapCook) October 22, 2020
2.
One obvious problem with this is the huge number of people expressing concern are themselves desperately treading water at or near the borderline. https://t.co/1yyX4IpRpF — barney farmer (@barneyfarmer) October 22, 2020
3.
If only there was some kind of system where everyone put in money proportionate to what they earn, and then that money could be spent on things the public need. We could call it “tax”! https://t.co/Kh5kiAKxwr — Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) October 22, 2020
4.
Are you taking the piss? I pay my tax money expecting it to go to hungry children and not £1.5 million salaries of Test & Trace consultants or MPs pay rises. The welfare system isn’t a charity, just like the NHS isn’t a charity. https://t.co/seUdRro5xf — Aleesha Khaliq (@a_leesha1) October 22, 2020
5.
I wonder how many children’s meals could be paid for with a £108m PPE contract? https://t.co/2eAV69TJ6m — Guy Dorrell 🏴🇪🇺🇭🇷 (@GuyDorrellEsq) October 22, 2020
In conclusion:
This is what it looks like when journalists hold the public rather than those in power to account https://t.co/5GK5OzAl1i — Spooky 'Client Journalism' Expert (@ClientJournoExp) October 22, 2020
READ MORE
MPs voted against feeding hungry kids during the holidays – 11 outright condemnations
Source Krishnan Guru-Murthy Image Anna Auza on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-10-22--A Trump supporter’s attempted takedown of Joe Biden backfired spectacularly

With the US election less than a fortnight away , both campaign groups have ramped up their attempts to get @ @ @ @ @ guy .
The Biden camp brought out the big guns with Barack Obama ‘ s @ @ @ @ @ ’ s policies and character .
Team Trump got a TV host to *checks notes* @ @ @ @ @ ‘ s relationship with his son , Hunter .
A lot of people schooled him @ @ @ @ @ .
But this reply shows just why people should think through their heckles before they @ @ @ @ @ said what most people were thinking .
Ivanka Trump congratulated her father and here are @ @ @ @ @ need

Twitter
With the US election less than a fortnight away, both campaign groups have ramped up their attempts to get the electorate out for their guy.
The Biden camp brought out the big guns with Barack Obama‘s no-holds-barred takedown of his successor’s policies and character.
Former President Barack Obama returned to the campaign trail, launching a blistering attack on Trump’s handling of the coronavirus pandemic https://t.co/Dac4VGwaJL pic.twitter.com/tRNaZ3CL13 — Reuters (@Reuters) October 22, 2020
Team Trump got a TV host to *checks notes* try and smear Joe Biden‘s relationship with his son, Hunter.
A lot of people schooled him on the nature of fatherhood.
1.
Aww your dad didn’t love you. That’s sad. I’m sorry. https://t.co/zfdr0dt7qi — Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) October 22, 2020
2.
fellas is it gay to have a son https://t.co/ykRl3RqxyJ — manny (@mannyfidel) October 22, 2020
3.
John, if your father never gave you a hug and a kiss on the cheek, I'm truly sorry for you. Maybe it's something you should talk to someone about, as it's pretty clear it troubles you. — Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) October 22, 2020
4.
Lol sorry you had a shitty dad I guess — Ari Cohn (@AriCohn) October 22, 2020
5.
I wish my dad was still here to hug me like that. So, yes. — Ben Stiller (@RedHourBen) October 22, 2020
But this reply shows just why people should think through their heckles before they make them.
Plus a little background.
Does this look like an appropriate father/daughter interaction to you? pic.twitter.com/1XEB5bZFWc — Walter Williams (@WaltTheStalt) October 22, 2020
David Baddiel said what most people were thinking.
Does this look like a really fucking weird question to you? https://t.co/CZgsOlleBe — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) October 22, 2020
That’s a big fat “yes”.
READ MORE
Ivanka Trump congratulated her father and here are the only 7 replies you need
Source John Cardillo Image John Cardillo


thepoke--2020-10-22--This “man who thinks he’s had Covid” sketch is as funny as it is relatable

The very funny Alistair Green has parodied that person who is completely convinced they ’ ve contracted Long Covid despite @ @ @ @ @ .
It ’ s very funny – and we can probably all relate .
If @ @ @ @ @ you ’ ve met anyone like this , it ’ s probably you .
As @ @ @ @ @ avoidance of all doubt – Alistair is only making fun of the people who have @ @ @ @ @ in no way mocking genuine sufferers .
Thank you for coming to our TED talk @ @ @ @ @ behind the scenes as the government discusses the second wave

Videos
The very funny Alistair Green has parodied that person who is completely convinced they’ve contracted Long Covid despite all evidence to the contrary.
It’s very funny – and we can probably all relate.
man who thinks he’s had covid pic.twitter.com/UGbhT2kr1r — alistair green (@mralistairgreen) October 21, 2020
If you don’t think you’ve met anyone like this, it’s probably you.
Every middle aged person on Facebook https://t.co/z7uUcGfgFm — Dan Watson (@Djwatson92) October 21, 2020
Brilliant. ‘The long COVID community’. I too am a ‘survivor’ of a bad cold i had in March. Obvs COVID , had it before it was trendy. As per. https://t.co/YlVDCwM3M5 — JonnyG (@JonnyGibson) October 21, 2020
Fuuuuck. This is my Mum. It’s uncanny. — Pope Lonergan (@thedailybumbler) October 21, 2020
As we said …
My god, this is spot on. The reason these are as good as they are is because they're so relatable. We have all met or know someone exactly like this. Superb. https://t.co/4du6TeET0L — Ryan Colman (@mustardpot16) October 21, 2020
For the avoidance of all doubt – Alistair is only making fun of the people who have over-analysed their colds and is in no way mocking genuine sufferers. Thank you for coming to our TED talk.
Im not suggesting Covid isn’t real. Obviously. Such a joy to have to now provide York notes for my videos. — alistair green (@mralistairgreen) October 21, 2020
READ MORE
This hilarious sketch peeps behind the scenes as the government discusses the second wave
Source Alistair Green Image Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-22--People have been trying to predict NASA’s big announcement about the Moon – the 19 funniest guesses

We can hardly be blamed for being thoroughly sick of the constant stream of bad news , so it ’ @ @ @ @ @ when something doesn ’ t immediately appear to be trying to kill us .
On @ @ @ @ @ and Space Administration – NASA , to its friends – had an announcement .
Sort @ @ @ @ @ news , right ?
But not really news , as such , either .
Twitter @ @ @ @ @ were the funniest guesses we saw .

Twitter
We can hardly be blamed for being thoroughly sick of the constant stream of bad news, so it’s always a welcome change when something doesn’t immediately appear to be trying to kill us.
On Wednesday, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration – NASA, to its friends – had an announcement. Sort of.
🗓 Mark your calendars: We will be revealing a new discovery about the surface of the Moon from our airborne @SOFIATelescope observatory, and YOU are invited. ✏ Pencil us in for 12pm ET on Monday, Oct. 26! To participate: https://t.co/gzfTK43snB pic.twitter.com/HHNXOAYfMh — NASA (@NASA) October 22, 2020
Strong “Facebook status update” energy.
Nasa saying there will be an announcement about the moon but not for five days is truly the energy of “i’ve got some great gossip… but, no… i shouldn’t say… i’m really sorry, i can’t… forget i ever mentioned it” https://t.co/H1NqrqjGmb — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) October 21, 2020
Not necessarily bad news, right? But not really news, as such, either. Twitter began to speculate.
These were the funniest guesses we saw.
1.
2.
"Even though the Moon has no human beings, trade talks with the UK have failed" https://t.co/dJVKIiGf75 — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 21, 2020
3.
I really don't think we can handle another big gender reveal party https://t.co/szfKP16ACu — Grace Segers (@Grace_Segers) October 21, 2020
4.
‘Sorry everyone, we’ve lost it. We all turned around for 2mins and it just sort of went. Oops.’ https://t.co/EZsxlcm61F — Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) October 21, 2020
5.
Trump has said he’s building a wall on it https://t.co/b9ElFNoStM — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) October 21, 2020
6.
EXCLUSIVE: A source at NASA leaked to me a satellite photo of what’s happening on the Moon pic.twitter.com/LOzLjgxjQU — Eric Francisco (@EricFrancisco24) October 21, 2020
7.
8.
Isn't this how Space 1999 started? https://t.co/olZCf4l3sp — Enough Of That Now (@AndyGilder) October 21, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-10-22--MPs voted against feeding hungry kids during the holidays – 11 outright condemnations

With many families experiencing greater hardship than ever , Labour put a request before the House of Commons to extend @ @ @ @ @ into holidays via a voucher scheme , just as Marcus Rashford had persuaded them to @ @ @ @ @ On learning the news , Marcus Rashford posted this heartfelt message .
It was very @ @ @ @ @ by many Conservative MPs , arguing against the proposal .
Like this , from the @ @ @ @ @ Bassetlaw .
His stance was widely condemned online , as well as in the House @ @ @ @ @ to the vote was explosive – and these tweets pulled no punches .

News
With many families experiencing greater hardship than ever, Labour put a request before the House of Commons to extend the Free School Meals programme into holidays via a voucher scheme, just as Marcus Rashford had persuaded them to do during the summer.
NEW: Labour vote to extend free school meals over the holidays until Easter 2021 is defeated 322-261. Government majority of 61. — Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) October 21, 2020
Or …to paraphrase …
via Gfycat
On learning the news, Marcus Rashford posted this heartfelt message.
Time we worked together. pic.twitter.com/xFPsgBiPQC — Marcus Rashford MBE (@MarcusRashford) October 21, 2020
It was very different to the rhetoric shared by many Conservative MPs, arguing against the proposal.
Like this, from the “Honourable Member” for Bassetlaw.
Brendan Clarke-Smith(Tory MP) – “I do not believe in nationalising children. We need to get back to the idea of taking responsibility. This means less celebrity virtue signalling on Twitter by proxy" #FreeSchoolMeals pic.twitter.com/83FuyWrfsi — Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) October 21, 2020
His stance was widely condemned online, as well as in the House.
This genuinely made me feel unwell https://t.co/MLbSNZemHt — Liam Thorp (@LiamThorpECHO) October 21, 2020
a bunch of algorithmically generated Spectator headlines run the country https://t.co/RDdWqZU1P6 — Stan (@tristandross) October 21, 2020
Oi! You! Virtue-signalling celebrity! Put those filthy kids down this instant! pic.twitter.com/BJXodsr25T — Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) October 21, 2020
Remember when the tories spent weeks screaming that teachers needed to get back in their disease pits or else the disadvantaged would suffer then decided that the fairest system for tackling vulnerable hungry kids is to not let them eat food — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 21, 2020
Twitter’s reaction to the vote was explosive – and these tweets pulled no punches.
1.
Bad luck English kids. Your govt is a shitshower https://t.co/ZZFeNQATj1 — Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) October 21, 2020
2.
Welcome to the UK where 322 MPs are happy to let starving kids go without food. https://t.co/odNszLFSQc — David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 21, 2020
3.
"What did you do at work today, mum?" https://t.co/pXAP2z42kX — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) October 21, 2020
4.
They've screwed the elderly. Those in their 20s. Students. GCSE kids. Now anyone with a rumbling tummy at a school desk. — Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) October 21, 2020
5.


thepoke--2020-10-22--‘Accompanist didn’t show up so she played the piano and flute at the same time’

This clip of a woman playing the piano and flute parts of a piece of music both at the same time was popular a couple of years ago and has just gone viral on Reddit all over again because , well , watch .
‘ When you can ’ t rely on others so you play the flute and piano at the same time , ’ said Redditor lemonlineberry who shared the clip .
While no-one suggested it was anything other than very impressive , some people suggested it had to have been rehearsed rather than a spur of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but she absolutely rehearsed this.
’ FatherJohnMeesty ‘ Yes definitely .
still an amazing achievement but the story behind it had to have been just for show .
either that or she ’ s practiced playing flute and piano at the same time before.
’ HotColor ‘ I play flute and piano , and I write music .
Just want to point out there aren ’ t many songs that you could physically play one handed on flute .
There are more on piano ( and she ’ s only doing chord @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t take any random song and do this , no matter how good you are .
( E : still impressive but definitely rehearsed . )
’ LillyPip Still , we ’ d like to be able to play either one of them half as well as she does .

Videos
This clip of a woman playing the piano and flute parts of a piece of music both at the same time was popular a couple of years ago and has just gone viral on Reddit all over again because, well, watch.
When you end up doing the group project by yourself pic.twitter.com/YzV0mgitCw — Kirsten Benke (@Benksterr) October 31, 2018
‘When you can’t rely on others so you play the flute and piano at the same time,’ said Redditor lemonlineberry who shared the clip.
While no-one suggested it was anything other than very impressive, some people suggested it had to have been rehearsed rather than a spur of the moment thing.
‘No less impressive, but she absolutely rehearsed this.’ FatherJohnMeesty ‘Yes definitely. still an amazing achievement but the story behind it had to have been just for show. either that or she’s practiced playing flute and piano at the same time before.’ HotColor ‘I play flute and piano, and I write music. Just want to point out there aren’t many songs that you could physically play one handed on flute. There are more on piano (and she’s only doing chord accompaniment), but you couldn’t take any random song and do this, no matter how good you are. (E: still impressive but definitely rehearsed.)’ LillyPip
Still, we’d like to be able to play either one of them half as well as she does.
Source @Benksterr Reddit u/lemonlineberry


thepoke--2020-10-22--Price reduction of the week

Price reduction of the week

‘ There was an attempt … to spell bird , ’ says Reddy4Titans-2002 over on Reddit .
‘ On sale @ @ @ @ @ rid of them.
’ WopFoop A scrap of paper froze to the back of this @ @ @ @ @ a work of art

Pics
‘There was an attempt … to spell bird,’ says Reddy4Titans-2002 over on Reddit.
‘I’d buy that.’ to3sucker69 ‘A little sharpie action and it’s a Bridal Bucket.’ NevadaPurple ‘11.90 since it’s for a wedding now.’ technowarlock ‘On sale because they want to B rid of them.’ WopFoop
READ MORE
A scrap of paper froze to the back of this fridge and it’s a work of art
Source Reddit u/Reddy4Titans-2002


thepoke--2020-10-23--25 fresh and funny coronavirus-free tweets to take your mind off the news

Welcome to our Friday round-up of the funniest tweets we ’ ve seen over the past week , and not @ @ @ @ @ coronavirus .
These are the 25 that made us laugh the most .
Why not @ @ @ @

Twitter
Welcome to our Friday round-up of the funniest tweets we’ve seen over the past week, and not a single one about the coronavirus.
These are the 25 that made us laugh the most. Why not retweet your favourites.
1.
To be fair she does looks like a chicken https://t.co/hhoF3yltEV — Paul (@bingowings14) October 16, 2020
2.
You: 40 years ago–
Me: ah, so 1960
You: No, 1980.
Me: no — Olivia Hofer (@oghofer) October 17, 2020
3.
For a people who decimated entire continents with Smallpox we're incredibly judgemental about grey squirrels. — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) October 16, 2020
4.
Artemisia Gentileschi exhibition at the National Gallery as good as everyone says. Think this one was called “Woman on Twitterdotcom” pic.twitter.com/YnELfPnI0A — Janine Gibson (@janinegibson) October 18, 2020
5.
[Auditioning for Cats]
Producer: Here's the script
Me: *pushes it off table*
Producer: You're hired — Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) October 16, 2020
6.
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine Me: Whoa like a dragon? Obi-Wan: No I’ll be a ghost Me: Can you still use a lightsaber? Obi-Wan: No but I can give advice Me: Oh like my nana Obi-Wan: It’ll be spooky, you’ll see — jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 22, 2020
7.
This is how we British measure inflation pic.twitter.com/ZVNZsoNvX8 — Jamie (@Jay_90_) October 17, 2020
8.
I know there’s more important things going on at the moment, but for the seriousness of the work they do, I feel that the Ghostbusters logo is far too whimsical — David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) October 18, 2020
9.
We’re investigating the disappearance of a large number of mice in this area. You match the description of someone who we’d like to talk to. pic.twitter.com/EeeWV8QTYI — trouteyes (@trouteyes) October 18, 2020
10.
Most adults are just stupid children in large bodies. — Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) October 18, 2020
11.
Working on my next kid’s book pic.twitter.com/nQnFWtvWml — Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 20, 2020
12.
Geography FACT: The world's second highest mountain is called Everer. — GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 20, 2020
13.
When bags is talking shite again pic.twitter.com/hqfklUWz0R — Ben Cameron (@ben_cameron) October 17, 2020
14.
Haven’t got any mint sauce for the roast lamb dinner, so I’ve crushed up a packet of polos with some grass. — Keri Warbis (@KeriWarbis) October 18, 2020
15.
16.
magician: i'm sorry for sawing your donkey in two me: i don't accept your half ass apology — Maybe Pile (@MaybePileJokes) October 12, 2020
17.
No lie, this morning's lie-in was killed at 8.30 by a shrieking spouse. 'HOW DO I UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS FUCKING THING?? THE FREE TRIAL ENDS TODAY!!' The app is called Calm. — Nick McGivney (@nmcgivney) October 17, 2020
18.
she really is one of the greatest performers of all time pic.twitter.com/bFh2PBkvhm — gabe bergado (@gabebergado) October 16, 2020
19.
me, bleeding out from every limb: hey! just wondering if you could call an ambulance? no worries if not!!! x x — Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) October 18, 2020
20.
The brain is the most outstanding organ in your body that works 24/7 right up until the moment the barista gives you your coffee and says ‘enjoy’ and you reply ‘you too’ — Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) October 20, 2020
21.
Being a parent means sometimes asking tough questions like "Who the hell made toothpaste eyebrows on the dog?" — Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 19, 2020
22.
It's simple – Masterchef is for salt, Bake-Off is for sugar. Never cross the streams. — Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 20, 2020
23.
Only just noticed Dwayne Johnson’s cameo in Parasite pic.twitter.com/mksXvVGkuB — Parker (@panoparker) October 21, 2020
24.
boss: design a flag that represents surrender me: on it [hours later] boss: what do u have me: *shows blank canvas* i gave up boss: amazing work — wow, spooky shark (@bigsharkguy) October 21, 2020
25.
Twitter: Headlines don't tell the whole story. Me: pic.twitter.com/QaWyqtqUjB — Differently Dave (@GoldenVision90) October 21, 2020
READ MORE
Your weekly coronavirus-free funny tweet zone – our 25 favourites
Image @gabebergado


thepoke--2020-10-23--Pat Sharp’s ‘Re-Run the Fun’ is surely the most bizarrely funny thing you’ll read this week

You ’ ll definitely know Pat Sharp but you might not know he ’ s written an autobiography ( of @ @ @ @ @ turns out you ’ ve been missing out , after journalist Anita Singh – @ @ @ @ @ @ selected highlights on Twitter .
It ’ s called ‘ My Life as Pat Sharp @ @ @ @ @ the cover it ’ s ‘ based on an ( un ) true story ’ @ @ @ @ @ of this what you will … And just a few of the things people were @ @ @ @ @ had an urgent question .
And then – just to top it all off – @ @ @ @ @ Just in case you were still wondering … This extract from Gazza ’ s autobiography @ @ @ @ @ ’ ll make you wish you were football star in the 90s

Twitter
You’ll definitely know Pat Sharp but you might not know he’s written an autobiography (of sorts).
And it turns out you’ve been missing out, after journalist Anita Singh – @anitathetweeter – shared a few selected highlights on Twitter.
It’s called ‘Re-Run the Fun … My Life as Pat Sharp’ and it says on the cover it’s ‘based on an (un)true story’. So make the hell of this what you will …
It’s too late for this year’s Booker shortlist but Pat Sharp has written a book in which he inserts himself into history, Forrest Gump-style pic.twitter.com/6FqFWh3FHq — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
Pat Sharp and Diana pic.twitter.com/gLKTnx1zKA — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
Pat Sharp and Oasis v Blur pic.twitter.com/uhJeHRe6Xb — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
Pat Sharp and Oasis v Blur: the finale pic.twitter.com/Nlz8KH9vAY — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
Pat Sharp and Gary Barlow and Mick Hucknall (note to Gary and Mick’s lawyers: this did not actually happen) pic.twitter.com/UTXoQyH2NA — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
I’ll leave you with the fact that Pat has devoted an entire chapter to an imaginary (I think) party at Noel Edmonds’ house pic.twitter.com/UUIb1RsuMw — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
And just a few of the things people were saying about it.
I assumed this was going to look embarrassingly bad. Maybe I've had a bit too much to drink, but it looks brilliant — Dave Waddell (@FalsePositive6) October 22, 2020
Liquid gold this, pure Partridge 😍 — Liam Kennedy (@willpak72) October 22, 2020
This is amazing!! — Rachel Parris (@rachelparris) October 23, 2020
It’s the celebrity memoir I never knew I wanted but now can’t imagine life without — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 23, 2020
This is… genius? — Nancy Durrant (@NancyDurrant) October 22, 2020
Thanks to the internet in general, I've no idea if this is real or not. — Nezza (@nezza) October 22, 2020
Someone had an urgent question.
Do you know if Pat Sharp narrates the audio book? Only I'm sorely tempted to chuck an Audible credit at this one — pole vaulting taliped (@willmill82) October 22, 2020
Narrated by Pat Sharp pic.twitter.com/h6xbXlI5kJ — Taffin (@i124nk8) October 22, 2020
And then – just to top it all off – this guy got involved.
https://twitter.com/patsharp/status/1319393716885426182?s=20
Just in case you were still wondering …
Perhaps I do need to make clear that he is joking. But he’s written a whole book of this stuff — Anita Singh (@anitathetweeter) October 22, 2020
Follow @anitathetweeter on Twitter here!
READ MORE
This extract from Gazza’s autobiography has gone viral and it’ll make you wish you were football star in the 90s
Source @anitathetweeter


thepoke--2020-10-23--17 times Jim Felton made Twitter a much funnier place

If you ’ re interested in topical tweets , you can ’ t have missed those by best-selling author , Jim Felton , who somehow manages to wring a laugh out of the most dreadful and infuriating news .
For example , here ’ s just one of his reactions to the government ’ s refusal to extend a free school meals scheme to cover the upcoming holidays , which is going to leave some children hungry over half-term …and Christmas .
Even if you don ’ t follow political Twitter , you almost certainly spotted him drinking “ milk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ caused the kind of division normally only reserved for arguments about scones between Devon and Cornwall .
Not content with having just one best-selling book – the candidly entitled ‘ 52 Times Britain Was a Bellend ‘ – he ’ s followed it up with Sunburn , which documents some of the times the Sun newspaper was – well – a bellend .
To celebrate the occasion , we ’ ve gathered some of our favourites from his many very funny tweets .
They ’ re occasionally NSFW .
Trump comes under fire @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He ’ s made one or two references to Brexit .

Exclusive
If you’re interested in topical tweets, you can’t have missed those by best-selling author, Jim Felton, who somehow manages to wring a laugh out of the most dreadful and infuriating news.
For example, here’s just one of his reactions to the government’s refusal to extend a free school meals scheme to cover the upcoming holidays, which is going to leave some children hungry over half-term …and Christmas.
I’m sorry little Timmy but if you didn’t want to starve you should have thought about that before you were born to parents who can’t afford food — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 22, 2020
Even if you don’t follow political Twitter, you almost certainly spotted him drinking “milk coke”, which went viral and caused the kind of division normally only reserved for arguments about scones between Devon and Cornwall.
Milk coke is a real thing. Brummies love it. We can all move on from this discussion now, I will be taking no further questions. pic.twitter.com/dQR8bg3UAO — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 1, 2019
Not content with having just one best-selling book – the candidly entitled ‘52 Times Britain Was a Bellend‘ – he’s followed it up with Sunburn, which documents some of the times the Sun newspaper was – well – a bellend.
MY BEAUTIFUL BOOK HAS ARRIVED AND IS OUT TOMORROW AAAAAAHHHH fuck you government website that told me to retrain as a junior accountanthttps://t.co/Ck0RF1XZos pic.twitter.com/ix3pGQ62QV — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 7, 2020
To celebrate the occasion, we’ve gathered some of our favourites from his many very funny tweets. They’re occasionally NSFW.
Trump comes under fire as often as you’d expect.
1.
Bad #ElectionNight for:
– Democracy
– America
– Non Americans
– Women
– Men
– All other humans Great night for
– Rich orange men
– Walls — James Felton (@JimMFelton) November 9, 2016
2.
"Dress for the job you want not the job you hav–"
*Melania dresses as mourning widow* pic.twitter.com/ZtbNFsFVgy — James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 24, 2017
3.
Say what you will about Trump but he’s the first sitting president to hold his breath in the Oval Office until somebody brought him a cheeseburger pic.twitter.com/6GDtAB9GgQ — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 28, 2018
4.
His face looks like it’s been photoshopped onto a hamster by the hamster pic.twitter.com/wSsP7uR90C — James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 8, 2020
He’s made one or two references to Brexit.
5.
"For the last time it's because the bananas weren't bendy enough" pic.twitter.com/H2CWaB80ir — James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 25, 2017
6.
It's crazy how the word "remoaner" caught on:
"Look at Timmy over there, doesn't want to cut his own face off with a chisel. Moany bastard." — James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 29, 2017
7.
Do you remember when as a country we didn’t need to appoint a specific Minister For Ensuring We Don’t All Fucking Starve pic.twitter.com/tGkG72tbxT — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 26, 2018
8.


thepoke--2020-10-23--The Daily Star’s takedown of subsidised MPs over free kids’ meals had people cheering

You ’ ll know by now that MPs have decided not to extend the free school meals scheme into the @ @ @ @ @ children going hungry .
Campaigner Marcus Rashford expressed his ‘ despair ’ and has spent @ @ @ @ @ cafes , restaurants and local councils doing their bit by offering children the free meals @ @ @ @ @ .
And today ’ s Daily Star front page had people cheering by highlighting the @ @ @ @ @ in Parliament .
Not the first time the Star has knocked it out of the @ @ @ @ @ are just some of the things people were saying about it .
Marcus Rashford is @ @ @ @ @ ’ meals because the government won ’ t and it ’ s an amazing read

Pics
You’ll know by now that MPs have decided not to extend the free school meals scheme into the holidays to help stop disadvantaged children going hungry.
Campaigner Marcus Rashford expressed his ‘despair’ and has spent much of the day highlighting cafes, restaurants and local councils doing their bit by offering children the free meals the government won’t.
And today’s Daily Star front page had people cheering by highlighting the subsidised meals enjoyed by MPs in Parliament.
Not the first time the Star has knocked it out of the park lately, and here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
The @dailystar on the money again. School gates chat all about free school meals vs MPs subsidised menu this morning… pic.twitter.com/opJpG3HrS9 — Pippa Crerar (@PippaCrerar) October 23, 2020
I think I might start buying the Star — EniLorac 🇪🇺 #FBPE (@PointlessBrexit) October 22, 2020
The Daily Star still having a good pandemic.. pic.twitter.com/heHTunJVmI — Michael Walker (@michaeljswalker) October 22, 2020
The transformation of the Daily Star from a place to gawp at boobs into the leaders of the revolution is quite something pic.twitter.com/yvQAXyJ24t — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 22, 2020
arguably still gawping at boobs — joe (@mutablejoe) October 22, 2020
Fair play to the Daily Star; exactly the right reply to the govt. pic.twitter.com/mI04BmWOb5 — Neglectful Gardener: #BLM One Human Race, 1 Planet (@SimonPease1) October 23, 2020
£11 for steak! Be a shame if they choked on it. https://t.co/NrVOcjUsdV — Jo Caulfield (@Jo_Caulfield) October 22, 2020
To conclude …
Just the most extraordinary unforced error. Amazing to watch it play out, exactly as you would expect, all of it entirely preventable. https://t.co/7p2gCfWDrb — Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) October 22, 2020
READ MORE
Marcus Rashford is sharing places doing free kids’ meals because the government won’t and it’s an amazing read
Source @hendopolis


thepoke--2020-10-23--Melania Trump appeared to yank her hand away from Donald Trump and people loved it

Very possibly the most memorable moment of the second US presidential debate came after it had finished .
It was @ @ @ @ @ Biden were joined on stage by their wives and Melania Trump appeared to yank her @ @ @ @ @ President .
Wouldn ’ t be the first time she ’ s done this sort @ @ @ @ @ , have a watch for yourself .
Here it is again , including the bit @ @ @ @ @ his opponent farewell but Trump totally misses it .
And here are our favourite things @ @ @ @ @ And just for old times ’ sake , remember when Melania Trump did this ?
@ @ @ @ @ all the birds ” and these 11 funny reactions blew us away

Videos
Very possibly the most memorable moment of the second US presidential debate came after it had finished.
It was when Donald Trump and Joe Biden were joined on stage by their respective wives and Trump briefly held hands with Melania Trump. Before she did this.
Melania yanks her hand away from Trump. (Spotted by @WalnutDust) pic.twitter.com/NHDzoYfSuT — The Recount (@therecount) October 23, 2020
Here it is again, including the bit where Biden attempts to bid farewell to his opponent but Trump totally misses it. Comedy of errors.
LOL, in this video Joe Biden tries to wave to Trump, but Trump doesn’t even acknowledge it and then Melania rips her hand away from Donald Trump. pic.twitter.com/KxsoNfzKzY — David Pakman (@dpakman) October 23, 2020
The moment went viral and here are our favourite things people said about it.
I know we hate a "Melania HATES him" narrative BUT I MEAN pic.twitter.com/dpXKEOe2So — Pascal (@WalnutDust) October 23, 2020
the way she wiped her hand off on her skirt — Misa Sugiura (@misallaneous1) October 23, 2020
This is what I’m looking for in a marriage 💕 — Pa-skull 💀 (@WalnutDust) October 23, 2020
https://twitter.com/aravosis/status/1319488631795556358?s=20
Please for the love of god remember that two terrible people can be terrible and still hate each other. He’s bad, she’s bad. They’re both bad. It’s just really funny that she, like everyone else, hates his company. — Pa-skull 💀 (@WalnutDust) October 23, 2020
And just for old times’ sake, remember when Melania Trump did this?
Dead @ Melania slapping Donald’s hand away! She can’t stand his ass! 😂 pic.twitter.com/gpUqbwRM1s — KK. (@coo_bear) May 22, 2017
READ MORE
Trump said wind “kills all the birds” and these 11 funny reactions blew us away
H/T Indy100


thepoke--2020-10-23--Marcus Rashford is sharing places doing free kids’ meals because the government won’t and it’s an am

Marcus Rashford is sharing places doing free kids’ meals because the government won’t and it’s an amazing read

As you will have seen by now , the government has decided not to extend free school meals over the @ @ @ @ @ going hungry .
Footballer Marcus Rashford vented his ‘ despair ’ after the government voted @ @ @ @ @ to provide 1.4m disadvantaged children in England with £15-a-week food vouchers during holidays until next @ @ @ @ @ cafes , restaurants and local councils have decided to take matters in their own hands @ @ @ @ @ children over half term and Rashford has been sharing their messages on Twitter .
And @ @ @ @ @ amazing read , a powerful message of hope and togetherness .
And there are lots @ @ @ @ @ ( check out @ MarcusRashford on Twitter here .
It ’ s quite the read @ @ @ @ @ just a few of the things people were saying about the footballer and the government @ @ @ @ @ campaign today .

Twitter
As you will have seen by now, the government has decided not to extend free school meals over the holidays to help stop children going hungry.
Footballer Marcus Rashford vented his ‘despair’ after the government voted down Labour’s motion to provide 1.4m disadvantaged children in England with £15-a-week food vouchers during holidays until next Easter.
Now lots of cafes, restaurants and local councils have decided to take matters in their own hands by offering free meals for children over half term and Rashford has been sharing their messages on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319390619056439296?s=20
And it’s the most amazing read, a powerful message of hope and togetherness.
1.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319392500113694720?s=20
2.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319392963873640448?s=20
3.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319393374852554753?s=20
4.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319393594499866624?s=20
5.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319395741178208257?s=20
6.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319396297498046464?s=20
7.
8.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319398973703159808?s=20
9.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319403837749415940?s=20
10.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319404400142594048?s=20
11.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319405764205858816?s=20
12.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319408118690963456?s=20
13.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319408574204989440?s=20
14.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319412144878870528?s=20
15.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319412393114505225?s=20
16.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319535896161624064?s=20
17.
https://twitter.com/MarcusRashford/status/1319534447490990081?s=20
And there are lots more where they came from (check out @MarcusRashford on Twitter here. It’s quite the read).
And here are just a few of the things people were saying about the footballer and the government’s response to his campaign today.
Well played @MarcusRashford. Check his timeline. Extraordinary from a remarkable young man. 👏🏻👏🏻 — Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) October 23, 2020
There are two types of people in the world: 1) People who look at Marcus Rashford's timeline & feel a combination of warmth, concern & gratitude.
2) People who look at Marcus Rashford's timeline & feel compelled to sneer about 'virtue signalling'. We're governed by the latter. — James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) October 23, 2020
The moment we’re allowed in stadiums I’m going to watch whatever team Marcus Rashford plays for and yell at him to stick to politics, the absolute legend — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 23, 2020
An incredible thing is happening on @MarcusRashford's timeline right now — Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) October 23, 2020
The Tories will dismiss him as one of those “do-gooders” they hate so much. But Marcus Rashford is now making sure a million children get fed. It is the most phenomenal demonstration of compassion. If they were capable of shame, this government would never recover. pic.twitter.com/x6W6fRtcmL — David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 23, 2020
Over on @MarcusRashford's Twitter he's collating all the restaurants/cafes that are offering free meals for children over the holidays (because the Tories wouldn't). We should all make an effort to find the one that is local to us and go and have a meal there if we can afford it. — Sooz "Halloween" Kempner (@SoozUK) October 23, 2020
Marcus Rashford appears to have set up an alternative government pic.twitter.com/cuJd9t20tK — Jack Blanchard (@Jack_Blanchard_) October 23, 2020
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1319547831368224769?s=20
January 2020: this will be a great year for Britain October 2020: a footballer has had to set up a network of restaurants to feed poor children because the government decided against giving them food. — Nish Kumar (@MrNishKumar) October 23, 2020
https://twitter.com/PippaCrerar/status/1319517013975404553?s=20
Marcus Rashford is the Britain we used to be, want to be and are supposed to be. — Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) October 23, 2020
Have a look at Marcus Rashford's timeline – good people doing good things for strangers, reacting to a bad government enriching their mates. — Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) October 23, 2020
Any bets on when Marcus Rashford goes 2-0 up against the government? Surely only a matter of time. The man is an inspiration — John Crace (@JohnJCrace) October 23, 2020
Source @MarcusRashford


thepoke--2020-10-23--Our 12 favourite wry reactions to the parade of horrors that is 2020

2020 is the gift that keeps on giving .
So far , it ’ s given us wildfires , a @ @ @ @ @ Cakes .
Is it any wonder people hate it ?
Over on Twitter , people @ @ @ @ @ shots at the year , and these were the funniest we spotted .
But we @ @ @ @ @ were toilet roll , there wouldn ’ t be any left .
15 highly relatable @ @ @ @ @ the bin fire that is 2020

Twitter
2020 is the gift that keeps on giving. So far, it’s given us wildfires, a deadly virus and pineapple Jaffa Cakes.
Is it any wonder people hate it?
Over on Twitter, people have been taking hilarious pot shots at the year, and these were the funniest we spotted.
1.
If 2020 was going outside to play pic.twitter.com/Jl69oE4r72 — joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 6, 2020
2.
literally how my brain is processing time this year pic.twitter.com/K23t0LxitD — paul rudd (@philsadelphia) October 12, 2020
3.
The best thing that's happened to me this year was my friend spraining his ankle halfway through our run, meaning I could stop running. — Luke McQueen (@MrLukeMcQueen) October 13, 2020
4.
If 2020 was a person it would be Judas. — ᏦᎪᏃᎬ (@SBuddha_Kaze) April 12, 2020
5.
Apple announced their new phones come without chargers and actually that seems about right for 2020. — Chris Purchase 🌈 (@ChrisPurchase) October 14, 2020
6.
2020: the unexpected item in the bagging area of years… — Jude D (@heyitsJudeD) October 15, 2020
7.
what this year has been like: covid-19, thousands dead, right wing rhetoric, rise of facism, emboldened racists, transphobia, global warming crisis what this year's xmas adverts will be like: 'well, it's been a little bit of a year, hasn't it? :)' — Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) October 17, 2020
8.
me at the start of 2020 me at the end of 2020 pic.twitter.com/jlHLDXsur9 — Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) October 22, 2020
9.
Not only is my 2020 Bingo Card of Catastrophe full, it also spontaneously combusted and burned down Western civilisation. — Richard Littler (@richard_littler) October 22, 2020
10.
The sooner we find the Revert To Factory Settings on 2020 the better. — SpookilyTwinkle 👻😷👻 (@SparkleyTwinkle) October 22, 2020
11.
2020: the year when we were told there was news about the moon and our reaction was to freeze in pure terror. — Rob Temple (@RobTemple101) October 22, 2020
12.
2020 now would be a good time to release crocodiles into the sewers and perhaps discover a deadly type of winter bee. Don't be shy unearthing ancient evils for Halloween. Just really seed some twists and extra danger for an action packed Christmas special and season finale. — Matthew Frighton (@MattHighton) October 21, 2020
Finally …
If 2020 was toilet paper pic.twitter.com/KVkynQpUt0 — INDU (@Induweerasingh1) October 16, 2020
But we all know that if 2020 were toilet roll, there wouldn’t be any left.
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15 highly relatable and very funny jokes about the bin fire that is 2020
Image Benjamin Lizardo and Brian McGowan on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-10-23--Nicky Morgan said Tories might have agreed to extra school meals if one hadn’t been called “scum”

Of all the reasons to vote down an attempt to make sure children don ’ t go hungry – and @ @ @ @ @ hear one that wasn ’ t sociopathic – this one from Nicky Morgan has to @ @ @ @ @ This is the incident in question , in case you need the “ previously in @ @ @ @ @ are the snowflakes meant to be , again ?
As Labour MP Bridget Phillipson said @ @ @ @ @ about that ?
Nothing that these people haven ’ t covered .
Sticks and stones @ @ @ @ @ kids will still go hungry .
Piers Morgan just schooled Nicky Morgan and people are @ @ @ @ @ him

Videos
Of all the reasons to vote down an attempt to make sure children don’t go hungry – and we’ve yet to hear one that wasn’t sociopathic – this one from Nicky Morgan has to be the most pathetic.
Nicky Morgan: Maybe we would have voted to give kids Free School Meals if a labour MP hadn't called us Tory scum.@bphillipsonMP: So kids will go hungry this Christmas because you don't like the parliamentary process?#BBCqt pic.twitter.com/UnOmCkzcHs — Femi (@Femi_Sorry) October 22, 2020
This is the incident in question, in case you need the “previously in politics” reel.
"Did the honorable lady just call me scum?" Conservative MP Chris Clarkson clashes with Labour's Angela Rayner as he accuses the opposition of "opportunism" over Covid restrictionshttps://t.co/TdtTBgBeWn pic.twitter.com/aP9JRXKVZ9 — BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) October 21, 2020
Who are the snowflakes meant to be, again? As Labour MP Bridget Phillipson said –
“So, kids go hungry this Christmas because you don’t like the parliamentary process.“
What can we say about that? Nothing that these people haven’t covered.
1.
No offence but if you’re willing to punish kids with starvation at Christmas because you got called scum by one MP then maybe you are scumpic.twitter.com/PkZlDweflF — James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 23, 2020
2.
Oh! I see! You made a decision about whether children should have access to #FreeSchoolMeals because you think someone called your friend a name. Seriously? https://t.co/rFBBaKOH2a — Lisa Cherry (@_LisaCherry) October 23, 2020
3.
If you call me a bad name we will seek revenge by starving strangers' children.#EatNowtToHelpOut https://t.co/VVaJUrxAz3 — Jen 🐇😷 (@Jennyflower) October 23, 2020
4.
So, let me get this right. Nicky Morgan said that the Tories may have decided not to vote for free school meals because one of them was called ‘scum’? They reacted to being called scum by behaving like, err, scum? Well…. — Paul Bernal (@PaulbernalUK) October 23, 2020
5.
Nicky Morgan going for “civility” when it comes to feeding kids is…not the winning strategy she thinks it is. — James Ball (@jamesrbuk) October 22, 2020
Sticks and stones may break their bones but kids will still go hungry.
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Piers Morgan just schooled Nicky Morgan and people are shocked to find themselves cheering him
Source BBC Image Screengrab, Anna Auza on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-10-23--This granny learning to use voice typing is both cute and hilarious

Patsy , an 88-year-old cancer survivor and grandma from Sherman Oaks , California , is quite the social media hit @ @ @ @ @ TikTok accounts , ably assisted by her granddaughter , Kristen .
In these difficult times @ @ @ @ @ attitude and willingness to try things is a breath of fresh air , and her @ @ @ @ @ viewers .
Here ’ s what she thinks of Donald Trump .
Well said .
@ @ @ @ @ a new gesture she might choose to use on him .
But the clip that @ @ @ @ @ traction for the third-age influencer is this one , showing how she fared trying out @ @ @ @ @ loved it , and here are a couple of the things they said .
Here @ @ @ @ @ struggle with the mic .
If you were wondering whether she stuck with it – @ @ @ @ @ on TikTok and Instagram for more of the fun .
This grandma had to be @ @ @ @ @ a throne-shaped iceberg and was washed out to sea

Videos
Patsy, an 88-year-old cancer survivor and grandma from Sherman Oaks, California, is quite the social media hit because of her Instagram and TikTok accounts, ably assisted by her granddaughter, Kristen.
In these difficult times, her open and friendly attitude and willingness to try things is a breath of fresh air, and her videos bring genuine joy to viewers.
Here’s what she thinks of Donald Trump.
Well said. And here she is learning a new gesture she might choose to use on him.
But the clip that seems to have got most traction for the third-age influencer is this one, showing how she fared trying out voice typing.
It’s both funny and charming.
TikTok users loved it, and here are a couple of the things they said.
Here she is in yet another struggle with the mic.
If you were wondering whether she stuck with it – she did.
Follow her on TikTok and Instagram for more of the fun.
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This grandma had to be rescued after she posed on a throne-shaped iceberg and was washed out to sea
Source Patsy Image Screengrab, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-23--Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ Twitch chat about the NHS speaks volumes about US healthcare

Nothing quite highlights the difference between the healthcare systems of the US and the UK than watching an American ’ @ @ @ @ @ thought of medical treatment being free at the point of use .
During a game @ @ @ @ @ , British gamer , Harris Brewis , or @ Hbomberguy , found himself talking to @ @ @ @ @ , Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez , who was very cannily using the platform to connect with the @ @ @ @ @ to the NHS .
Of course , strictly speaking , British healthcare is paid for @ @ @ @ @ mused on their very different situation .
Harris Brewis saw all the hullabaloo and had @ @ @ @ @ more of an inspiration than a diplomatic incident .
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins comeback of the @ @ @ @ @ her ‘ not talented ’

Videos
Nothing quite highlights the difference between the healthcare systems of the US and the UK than watching an American’s mind boggling at the thought of medical treatment being free at the point of use.
During a game of Among Us on Twitch, British gamer, Harris Brewis, or @Hbomberguy, found himself talking to none other than Democratic Congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who was very cannily using the platform to connect with the public.
The conversation turned to the NHS.
AOC talks healthcare with @Hbomberguy, who is from the UK, where healthcare is free. pic.twitter.com/3wMUZXpuF7 — Brennan Murphy (@brenonade) October 21, 2020
“Do you just walk up and say ‘I need help’? I can’t even imagine that interaction without a credit card or some sort of cash payment”.
Of course, strictly speaking, British healthcare is paid for via taxation.
Actually it's not "free", exactly. It's paid for by taxation, which means all people who pay the tax contribute to the costs. There is a nominal fee for the perscription at £9 per item (around $12). but if you are under 16, over 65 or are claiming welfare, this fee is waived. — J Corbett (@JCorbett16) October 21, 2020
Some people shared their NHS stories.
When my lung collapsed I went to A&E, got admitted, ending up staying for a month in hospital and had lung surgery. All for free thanks to the amazing NHS. I cannot imagine that this would have cost if I were in the US when this happened. It scares me how @AOC explains the US way https://t.co/VtWJjMa3q8 — Jake Taylor (@AstroJake) October 21, 2020
I've had a hip joint resurfacing operation. Free. My wife had a hip replaced in January. Also free. You do pay for prescription medicines. (About $13) Prescription medicines are free for the over 60's. Imagine a life without the stress of worrying what your healthcare might cost. — Pure Sound (@puresound_A30) October 21, 2020
I'm an American who moved to London a couple years ago. The first time I went to the gp I stopped at reception after the appointment to ask if had to do anything or if I had a copay or anything and they looked at me like I was nuts. I walked out and almost cried on the way home. — mike (@mpurgatori) October 21, 2020
I broke my arm in my first year in the UK. Since I was technically an 'Academic Visitor,' I was not fully supported by the NHS. They made me pay the 'full' rate for an ER visit and an X-ray, apologising for how much it cost: £120. That's what single payer does. #SinglePayerNow https://t.co/EqxQKg5DIu — Tyler Kelly (@TyLKelly) October 21, 2020
While Americans mused on their very different situation.
Aye man, after hearing this I am just furious lmao our Healthcare in the states is the ghetto 😂 https://t.co/4nK7lIaku5 — Velly (@VellyCasts) October 21, 2020
I had health care coverage from ages 13-23 and 25-present. I am fortunate that I've never had a major accident or reoccurring health issue. I was almost hit by a car by a distracted driver and the one thing I thought wasn't "ouch" it was "damn this is gonna be 20k AT LEAST" https://t.co/BFHTauCpvE — Stephanie E Suarez (@geologiststephy) October 21, 2020
I breathed in a microscopic spore somewhere a few years back and the post-insurance medical bill for them saving me from the death of the fungal infection that completely took over my lung was over $32,000 just from the hospital itself not counting excess fees or doctor bills. pic.twitter.com/DyjBb5qbGx — UR | Xyless #BlackLivesMatter (@Xyless) October 21, 2020
Think about this the next time you see a commercial saying even "affordable" healthcare is "too radical" for your state. It shouldn't be affordable. It should be free. https://t.co/JemPwmbvhA — EvilToaster (@EvilToaster) October 22, 2020
Harris Brewis saw all the hullabaloo and had this to say.
I think I may have caused a diplomatic incident — hbomberguy (@Hbomberguy) October 21, 2020
Hopefully more of an inspiration than a diplomatic incident.
In conclusion …
Americans legitimately not being able to comprehend receiving healthcare for free makes me so, so sad. I'm sorry, friends. I hope that one day soon you'll never have to worry about medical bills ever again. https://t.co/scM0TfzGbv — Matt Gamb-Hell 🔥 (@MattGambell) October 21, 2020
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wins comeback of the day after Donald Trump called her ‘not talented’
Source Brennan Murphy Image Screengrab, Screengrab


thepoke--2020-10-23--Trump said wind “kills all the birds” and these 11 funny reactions blew us away

The final debate has taken place between the US presidential candidates , Donald Trump and Joe Biden , with moderator @ @ @ @ @ out of the opponents than during the first one .
Trump wasn ’ t very @ @ @ @ @ instead to accuse Joe Biden of dodgy financial dealings – yes , Trump said that @ @ @ @ @ insistence that he has done more for African Americans than anybody since Abraham Lincoln .
@ @ @ @ @ In case you were wondering , cats kill far more birds than wind turbines do @ @ @ @ @ they going to get those thoughtful gifts for their owners ?
As did that of @ @ @ @ @ ’ t his biggest fan .
Of course , there were many other reactions , @ @

Twitter
The final debate has taken place between the US presidential candidates, Donald Trump and Joe Biden, with moderator Kristen Welker getting more sense out of the opponents than during the first one.
Trump wasn’t very forthcoming with policy, choosing instead to accuse Joe Biden of dodgy financial dealings – yes, Trump said that – and to repeat his insistence that he has done more for African Americans than anybody since Abraham Lincoln.
He also said this:
After claiming he knows more about wind than Biden does, the President claims wind kills all the birds pic.twitter.com/OoUipv9FAf — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) October 23, 2020
In case you were wondering, cats kill far more birds than wind turbines do – but where else are they going to get those thoughtful gifts for their owners?
This chart is pretty clear.
Trump: "Wind turbines kill all the birds." Chart of causes of bird mortality: pic.twitter.com/R2TZj6gevT — Michael Gerrard (@MichaelGerrard) October 23, 2020
Biden’s reaction to Trump’s nonsense spoke volumes.
Joe laughing in Trump's face was the best moment of the debate. https://t.co/HWFmkS9EeZ — Roshan Rinaldi (@Roshan_Rinaldi) October 23, 2020
As did that of his niece, who isn’t his biggest fan.
His take on "the wind" may end me. — Mary L Trump (@MaryLTrump) October 23, 2020
Of course, there were many other reactions, too.
1.
WIND KILLS ALL THE BIRDS. TREES EAT SQUIRRELS. #Debates2020 — Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 23, 2020
2.
*~ fun facts about wind ~*
– very expensive
– kills all the birds#Debates2020 — Betches (@betchesluvthis) October 23, 2020
3.
If only the wind had saved those poor people in The Birds — Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) October 23, 2020
4.
Wind power "kills all the birds" is a thing just said in a presidential debate in the year 2020 — Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) October 23, 2020
5.