thepoke--2020-03-24--Forget Mike Ashley – this hilarious home gym sketch shows you can get fit without kit

The UK is now on lockdown , apart from when buying essentials , working if necessary , caring for someone , or taking exercise , and only essential businesses will remain open .
Mike Ashley thinks Sports Direct is an essential business and should be allowed to trade , because it helps the country stay fit and well , but nobody needs to buy fancy equipment – they can use the things around them .
This sketch from comedian Ignacio Lopez proves it .
That ’ s the kind of make do and mend spirit that the “ Coronavirus is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ proud of , although we struggle to picture Godfrey Bloom doing Ignacio ’ s workout .
Or Mike Ashley for that matter .
These people , however …they ’ ll be all over it like a virus on a public door handle .
If the Get In Shape song is already an earworm , you could be hearing it again , because this happened .
Never mind Joe Wicks – we should all be doing our PE lessons to this .
In your face , Mike Ashley .
“ Trying to get old @ @ @ @ @ @ @ funny but frustrating truth

Videos
The UK is now on lockdown, apart from when buying essentials, working if necessary, caring for someone, or taking exercise, and only essential businesses will remain open.
Mike Ashley thinks Sports Direct is an essential business and should be allowed to trade, because it helps the country stay fit and well, but nobody needs to buy fancy equipment – they can use the things around them.
This sketch from comedian Ignacio Lopez proves it.
People might be struggling with fitness while they’re stuck indoors so I’ve made a workout video to help out. If you like what I do, why not tip me a low-fat, high protein, vitamin coffee here: https://t.co/qkAeDlOxyk pic.twitter.com/p7IGYsJ4YX — Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) March 22, 2020
That’s the kind of make do and mend spirit that the “Coronavirus is like the Blitz” brigade would be proud of, although we struggle to picture Godfrey Bloom doing Ignacio’s workout. Or Mike Ashley for that matter.
These people, however …they’ll be all over it like a virus on a public door handle.
Move over #JaneFonda1980sWorkout! https://t.co/sjOd0KlGxF — I'm a Gherkin short of a pickle Jar! (@AnyaSzczytowska) March 22, 2020
Can I use this as my new ringtone? #getinshapeyougottagetinshape Would certainly stand out in the office 😁 — The tech guy (@mkocziban) March 22, 2020
Thanks wise words for troubled times.
I’m not a guitarist but I do play keys… so quick question for the chest presses free weights; is it ok if I substitute guitars for pianos?
Thanks — karen b (@pinkskink) March 22, 2020
Yes, I would have used pianos myself but mine are in storage. 🙌🏼happy workout. — Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) March 22, 2020
If the Get In Shape song is already an earworm, you could be hearing it again, because this happened.
If it gets 20k views we'll release it 😂 — ANVILRECORDSLTD (@anvilrecordsltd) March 22, 2020
Never mind Joe Wicks – we should all be doing our PE lessons to this. In your face, Mike Ashley.
READ MORE
“Trying to get old people to stay in” is the funny but frustrating truth
Source Ignacio Lopez Image Ignacio Lopez


thepoke--2020-03-24--This simple request for a recipe didn’t go at all as expected

Good man of his parish* , Sir Michael , likes to get involved in Facebook groups and chat rooms , @ @ @ @ @ recipes .
He very kindly stepped in when someone had a question .
Unfortunately , @ @ @ @ @ t as useful as the group would have liked .
And this is how that @ @ @ @ @ came from somebody named Cath .
It looked like Michael would be able to help @ @ @ @ @ issues to sort first .
Michael kindly decided to quench the group ’ s curiosity @ @ @ @ @ chops .
Tensions were mounting , but Michael had more family history to share .
@ @ @ @ @ he knew about his uncle ’ s chop recipe .
Here ’ s what Twitter @ @ @ @ @ whole thing .
A grandson ’ s fun run plans weren ’ t as kind @ @ @ @

Weird World
Good man of his parish*, Sir Michael, likes to get involved in Facebook groups and chat rooms, like this one for sharing recipes.
*Internet-based comedian
He very kindly stepped in when someone had a question. Unfortunately, his contribution probably wasn’t as useful as the group would have liked.
Had a lovely time chatting on a recipes group on Facebook today and I almost made some new friends pic.twitter.com/2EwxgX2E1T — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 22, 2020
And this is how that exchange went.
The question came from somebody named Cath.
It looked like Michael would be able to help.
But there were other issues to sort first.
Michael kindly decided to quench the group’s curiosity, although not about the chops.
Cath brought him back on topic.
Tensions were mounting, but Michael had more family history to share.
Frustrations spilled over.
So Michael told them everything he knew about his uncle’s chop recipe.
via Gfycat
Here’s what Twitter had to say about the whole thing.
Had an absolute breakdown reading this. FFS, utter genius. https://t.co/D55zC3MZeX — GC, Esq. (@GregCross82) March 23, 2020
I don't say this lightly… easily one of the funniest people on twitter.. https://t.co/TusQKjEwQc — Danny Wexler (@WexlerRules) March 23, 2020
Michael, pardon my internet lingo ignorance, but what does “FFS” that you grind kept using mean? — Ryan Cordell (@ryandcordell) March 22, 2020
Not sure yet. A lot of people say it to me online so it's probably, "Feel Free to Sendmeafriendrequest." — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 22, 2020
One person asked for a recipe.
Do you have the recipe for the spiced red cabbage? — Jamie (@WhyTwoJamie) March 22, 2020
Good luck with that.
Well, funny thing about the recipe for spiced red cabbage. When my uncle first arrived in Macedonia, he had never even TRIED red cabbage! But then, a couple of days afterwards, he tried it and he enjoyed it. — Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 22, 2020
READ MORE
A grandson’s fun run plans weren’t as kind as they first seemed
Source Sir Michael Image Sir Michael, @alexmunsell on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-24--Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline turned out to be the perfect hand-washing song

Some songs , it seems , are just made for the coronavirus crisis , like M.C .
Hammer ’ s @ @ @ @ @ , for example , or anything by The Cure .
Music legend Neil Diamond tweaked @ @ @ @ @ for the new circumstances , and shared the results on Twitter .
It was right @ @ @ @ @ the whole time , and we didn ’ t see it .
Of course , @ @ @ @ @ After weeks of enforced togetherness , it ’ s likely that Love on the Rocks @ @ @ @ @ world ’ s new anthem .

Videos
Some songs, it seems, are just made for the coronavirus crisis, like M.C. Hammer’s Can’t Touch This, for example, or anything by The Cure.
Music legend Neil Diamond tweaked one of his biggest hits for the new circumstances, and shared the results on Twitter.
Stay safe out there! “Hands… washing hands..” 🎶 pic.twitter.com/QaRB1qZshp — Neil Diamond (@NeilDiamond) March 22, 2020
It was right there in front of us the whole time, and we didn’t see it. Of course, it went down brilliantly.
I don't always listen to Neil Diamond but when I do I know it's going to be great. “Hands Washing Hands” pic.twitter.com/2H8O4KcUCF — Britgirl Explains The Universe & Everything In It (@MarieAnnUK) March 22, 2020
The quality Neil Diamond content you didn't know you needed. https://t.co/WdUHaJKudj — Flickytwit 🦄 (@flickytwit) March 22, 2020
Phew! Saw Neil diamond trending and thought the worse but he’s all good, thriving, and singing about washing those hands , wait how’s sweet Caroline doing??! pic.twitter.com/MrACU1Owii — Melissa 🥰 (@Mellovesyou22) March 22, 2020
Music writer, David Wild, suggested another apt offering.
Greatest @neildiamond song since "Brother Love's Socially Distanced Salvation Show." https://t.co/6HFzpaLaf2 — David Wild (@Wildaboutmusic) March 22, 2020
After weeks of enforced togetherness, it’s likely that Love on the Rocks is going to be the world’s new anthem.
READ MORE
Liam Gallagher singing ‘Champagne Soapernova’ is our favourite hand washing routine
Source Neil Diamond Image Neil Diamond


thepoke--2020-03-24--12 favourite reactions to the UK’s new lockdown rules

After weeks of watching other countries impose strict sanctions to prevent the spread of coronavirus , the UK finally followed suit , with the announcement of a minimum three-week-long lockdown .
The previous weak guidelines had both confused people and been ignored by large numbers of them , leaving the general public effectively mingling as usual .
The new regulations are far less stringent than those in Italy , Spain and elsewhere , because there are several circumstances in which people are allowed to leave their homes without prior permission .
Shopping for necessities , as infrequently as possible .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ such as walking , running or cycling – alone or with household members .
To provide care for a vulnerable person or to obtain medical care for themselves .
Travelling to and from work , if it is strictly necessary .
If you want to hear the actual words , here ’ s the Prime Minister ’ s statement .
The news came as something of a relief to many people , who have been following the infection and mortality statistics with growing alarm .
Amongst the serious responses were a lot of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of stress .

Twitter
After weeks of watching other countries impose strict sanctions to prevent the spread of coronavirus, the UK finally followed suit, with the announcement of a minimum three-week-long lockdown.
People in UK will now only be allowed to leave home for limited purposes including shopping for necessities, PM says https://t.co/bTsoA3n6La — BBC Breaking News (@BBCBreaking) March 23, 2020
The previous weak guidelines had both confused people and been ignored by large numbers of them, leaving the general public effectively mingling as usual.
The new regulations are far less stringent than those in Italy, Spain and elsewhere, because there are several circumstances in which people are allowed to leave their homes without prior permission.
They are:
Shopping for necessities, as infrequently as possible. One form of exercise a day, such as walking, running or cycling – alone or with household members. To provide care for a vulnerable person or to obtain medical care for themselves. Travelling to and from work, if it is strictly necessary.
If you want to hear the actual words, here’s the Prime Minister’s statement.
The news came as something of a relief to many people, who have been following the infection and mortality statistics with growing alarm.
Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Later than I'd like but let's hope this helps knock things on its head. Scary times indeed. Stay safe everyone ❤ https://t.co/LIRbpTJmEp — Joe Merrick (@JoeMerrick) March 23, 2020
We live in strange times. #lockdown is going to be pretty shite at first, but there you go. We’ll figure it out. Stay safe and hopeful shaggers x — Irvine Welsh (@IrvineWelsh) March 23, 2020
Amongst the serious responses were a lot of jokes – a tried and tested release of stress.
1.
I hope everyone enjoyed the speech that I should have made three weeks ago. #UKlockdown #lockdown — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 23, 2020
2.
imagine walking to Lidl to get beans and getting tasered — Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) March 23, 2020
3.
we're on police enforced lockdown that can only be circumvented by saying "i'm going for a walk". — lockdown morley (@seanmorl) March 23, 2020
4.
Me on phone to my mum: Do NOT go on the bus to the shops. If you need anything I will get it and drop you any essentials on your doorstep. Is there anything you really need? My mum: I would like some of those Fruit Pastille push up ice lollies if you can get them. FFS! — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 23, 2020
5.
Joking aside, I'll be at my window during daylight hours and making notes in my jotter of anyone who infringes the rules. — Tiahowler Jon Von Biltawülf (@Biltawulf) March 23, 2020
6.
"no, didn't you see me on tv? Daddy can't come and visit, no, not for weeks and weeks.. hold on, which one are you again?" pic.twitter.com/dwTSkczPN8 — HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) March 23, 2020
7.


thepoke--2020-03-24--This mum’s self-isolating take on I Will Survive is the anthem for our coronavirus times

The search for an anthem for our times is over .
Cast aside your troubles for the next 90 seconds @ @ @ @ @ on Gloria Gaynor ’ s I Will Survive by @ OnowayDebbie on Twitter .
Neil @ @ @ @ @ turned out to be the perfect hand-washing song

Videos
The search for an anthem for our times is over. Cast aside your troubles for the next 90 seconds and enjoy this self-isolating take on Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive shared by @OnowayDebbie on Twitter.
It’s a hit!
READ MORE
Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline turned out to be the perfect hand-washing song
Source Twitter @OnowayDebbie


thepoke--2020-03-24--This priest accidentally live streamed mass with the filters on and it’s the content we all need rig

This priest accidentally live streamed mass with the filters on and it’s the content we all need right now

If religious services always made us feel this much better we ’ d have started going to church long ago @ @ @ @ @ Italian priest who decided to livestream mass due to coronavirus and very sensible he sounds @ @ @ @ @ alas , was activating the video filters by mistake .
And it ’ s just @ @ @ @ @ subscribe ?
Michael Gove pouring water over his phone is the content we all need @ @

Videos
If religious services always made us feel this much better we’d have started going to church long ago.
It’s an Italian priest who decided to livestream mass due to coronavirus and very sensible he sounds too.
Less sensible, alas, was activating the video filters by mistake. And it’s just wonderful.
In Italy today, a priest decided to live-stream a mass due to COVID-19. Unfortunately he activated the video filters by mistake. pic.twitter.com/zu2qwAlCyT — Gavin Shoebridge (@KiwiEV) March 24, 2020
Where do we subscribe?
I would say 'fortunately'. The space helmet was the best. — Bonnie 'Channel Your Inner Introvert & Stay Home' (@bonnienorman) March 24, 2020
Nah. It was meant to be. Gave us all a smile — Michell🎶 (@MichellBasler) March 24, 2020
https://twitter.com/collieennis/status/1242444188865699842?s=20
READ MORE
Michael Gove pouring water over his phone is the content we all need right now
Source Twitter @KiwiEV


thepoke--2020-03-24--People are giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist – 13 favourites

People have been giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist and # isolateMorrissey is a strong contender for @ @ @ @ @ week .
Here ’ s 13 of the very best , kicking off with the @ @ @ @ @ we think ) David Quantick .
10 Morrissey memes that ’ ll make even the @ @ @ @ @ from ear to ear

Twitter
People have been giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist and #isolateMorrissey is a strong contender for our favourite hashtag of the week.
Here’s 17 of the very best, not just Morrissey but Smiths songs obviously, kicking off with the chap who started it (we think) David Quantick.
1.
The First Of The Gang To Die #isolateMorrissey — David Quantick (@quantick) March 24, 2020
2.
3.
Girlfriend With Corona (I know, I know. it’s serious…) #isolateMorrissey — ⚫ Bod Notbod (@bodnotbod) March 24, 2020
4.
There Is A Lad That Never Goes Out #isolateMorrissey — ⚫ Bod Notbod (@bodnotbod) March 24, 2020
5.
“I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a mask to wear” #isolateMorrissey — Sylvia (@sylvias_diary) March 24, 2020
6.
Stockpilers of the World Unite #isolateMorrissey — Tim Ripley (@mrtimripley) March 24, 2020
7.
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want from Tesco #isolatemorrissey — Phoenicurus (@HarringayBirder) March 24, 2020
8.
No one on the streets of London
No one on the streets of Birmingham #isolateMorrissey — Mike Bevan (@MikeBevan_RG) March 24, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-24--This 75 y/o woman vowing to ignore the government’s ‘stupid’ self-isolation advice will have you fac

This 75 y/o woman vowing to ignore the government’s ‘stupid’ self-isolation advice will have you facepalming into the next life

This 75 y/o woman ’ s phone-call to a BBC local radio station has gone viral because , well , @ @ @ @ @ if you listen to it yourself .
Don ’ t blame us if you get @ @ @ @ @ collar , though .
And on behalf of sensible boomers everywhere … Just a perfect @ @ @ @ @ doubts the worth of washing your hands

Videos
This 75 y/o woman’s phone call to a BBC local radio station has gone viral because, well, it’s probably easier if you listen to it yourself.
Don’t blame us if you get a bit hot under the collar, though.
Sweet Jesus. For the love of god, lock up your boomers. pic.twitter.com/nuxZqXPI8t — 🏡🦠 Spaghephanie 🦠🏡 (@YesMissMurphy) March 24, 2020
Ain’t no vaccination for ignorance.
HER HUSBAND IS RECOVERING FROM A STROKE AND SHE'S WANDERING OUTSIDE WITHOUT A CARE. — Theo Priestley (@tprstly) March 24, 2020
Goes into free fall once she drops the housebound husband bombshell pic.twitter.com/wqJ4bSPXiv — Daniel Jenkins (@Daniel_Jenks) March 24, 2020
"So you're happy to die for a day at the beach?" "Yeah." Holy fuck people are out of their fucking minds. https://t.co/wHmKnle3dE — Sterling! (@JimSterling) March 24, 2020
from "I need to get out bcos everyone's been cooped up all winter" to "we've got nothing left to live for anyway" in 2 minutes is quite a feat — 955 Handwashing Bastards (@john3ners) March 24, 2020
Getting a strong mental picture of Barbara, and things didn't turn out so well for her. pic.twitter.com/XdQD0Yev2j — Christopher (@s_l_christopher) March 24, 2020
On behalf of sensible boomers everywhere …
I'm a boomer and this woman is totally irresponsible. It's because of people like her we're now in a lockdown, but please don't tar us all with the same brush. I'm 70 and very worried. — Dave Kirkpatrick (@davek1049) March 24, 2020
And if you really, really prefer not to mince your words.
Vox pop with an absolutely colossal cunt. Top of The List for you, boomer.pic.twitter.com/FlyPb33wDZ — Dai Lama (@WelshDalaiLama) March 24, 2020
READ MORE
Just a perfect takedown of anyone who still doubts the worth of washing your hands
Source @YesMissMurphy


thepoke--2020-03-24--Allison Pearson says ‘made in China’ should be a ‘badge of shame’ after coronavirus – only 5 replies

Allison Pearson says ‘made in China’ should be a ‘badge of shame’ after coronavirus – only 5 replies you need

To the Daily Telegraph where columnist Allison Pearson appears to be well up for Donald Trump ’ s penchant for @ @ @ @ @ virus ’ .
Because where there ’ s a global pandemic , there ’ s @ @ @ @ @ to blame , and Pearson – like Trump – holds the Chinese personally responsible .
@ @ @ @ @ the looks of it .
And these are the only 5 replies you need .

Twitter
To the Daily Telegraph where columnist Allison Pearson appears to be well up for Donald Trump’s penchant for calling coronavirus the ‘Chinese virus’.
Because where there’s a global pandemic, there’s got to be a country to blame, and Pearson – like Trump – holds the Chinese personally responsible. Every single person, by the looks of it.
And these are the only 5 replies you need.
Allison Pearson helpfully reminds everyone that no matter how serious our situation gets, there is always time to be a xenophobic racist fucknugget.#CoronavirusLockdown pic.twitter.com/sgKN7wL3kC — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 24, 2020
Part of me thinks that when this is all over, we’ll be a better, kinder, nicer society. Then I remember there are small minded, petty, hateful, thick people like Allison Pearson in the world and I think maybe not. https://t.co/brCuMqCyHa — Jim Cognito (@JimCognito2016) March 24, 2020
After this, let there be no more means for Allison Pearson to continue to spew their utter xenophobic bollocks. Let this be their swansong and be heard from no more. Let the people of Britain see her and those of her ilk as the shameful bigots they and their platforms truly are. pic.twitter.com/zwHYFaWb0x — Andrew Parnall – The Original DontBrexitFixit (@dontbrexitfixit) March 24, 2020
Imagine being Allison Pearson and tweeting this. From your iPhone. pic.twitter.com/G6Yt0a8e1s — Ian Harris #StayTheFuckHome (@biscuitsgod) March 24, 2020
To anyone questioning whether Allison Pearson can remain silent for 30 minutes, evidence she can. pic.twitter.com/LFfhSh5EOY — Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) March 24, 2020
In short …
Let Allison Pearson be a badge of shame — •• (@agirlcalledlina) March 23, 2020
READ MORE
Allison Pearson’s been trolling young people over coronavirus


thepoke--2020-03-24--This so-called influencer’s attempt to get a free portrait takes the breath away

We ’ ve featured more than a few choosy beggars on these pages – basically , people trying to get @ @ @ @ @ or on the free – but this artist ’ s exchange with a so-called influencer @ @ @ @ @ away .
Got us hot under the collar just by reading it .
‘ My @ @ @ @ @ pretty major influencer , ’ writes The_amazingluke over on Reddit .
‘ The “ how @ @ @ @ @ ” part made it sound like he was Voldemort lol ’ loadurbrain ‘ What a @ @ @ @ @ they are acting so high and mighty with 240k followers .
If that is your @ @ @ @ @ t even that great.
’ DrakeConnoway “ There is no need for me to pay @ @ @ @ @ ’ SunshineInAJar This guy got mad because a £5 bag was ‘ collection only ’ @ @ @ @ @ to behold

Popular
We’ve featured more than a few choosy beggars on these pages – basically, people trying to get stuff on the cheap, or on the free – but this artist’s exchange with a so-called influencer really does take the breath away.
Got us hot under the collar just by reading it.
‘My friend got shorted by a pretty major influencer,’ writes The_amazingluke over on Reddit.
GRRRRRR!
‘The “how dispensable you are to me” part made it sound like he was Voldemort lol’ loadurbrain ‘What a piece of shit. Plus they are acting so high and mighty with 240k followers. If that is your entire business that isn’t even that great.’ DrakeConnoway “There is no need for me to pay you” ?! FOH.’ SunshineInAJar
This guy got mad because a £5 bag was ‘collection only’ and his fury is something to behold
Source Reddit u/The_amazingluke


thepoke--2020-03-24--Just a perfect takedown of anyone who still doubts the worth of washing your hands

Hard to believe we know but there are some people out there who aren ’ t washing their hands enough .
Not only that , they ’ re not washing their hands because they don ’ t believe it does any good .
Should you run into any of these people then this is the perfect response .
It ’ s a well-informed , perfectly-worded delight .
And just in case you were wondering … ‘ Can we get some fact checkers up in here because her whole tweet could be nonsense and we wouldn ’ t even know it.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Covid-19 , and I believe the both the entire coronavirus family and most or all seasonal flus , do indeed have a lipid bilayer ( enveloped viruses ) that is disrupted by soap , inactivating the virus .
However , many other viruses do not have such a layer ( nonenveloped viruses ) , such as poliovirus , rotovirus , and norovirus ; and both soap and alcohol-based hand sanitizer have a much more limited effect on those.
’ AccomplishedCoffee Just need to get a fact checker to check the fact checker now @ @ @

Popular
Hard to believe we know but there are some people out there who aren’t washing their hands enough. Not only that, they’re not washing their hands because they don’t believe it does any good.
Should you run into any of these people then this is the perfect response. It’s a well-informed, perfectly-worded delight.
And just in case you were wondering about the details …
‘Can we get some fact checkers up in here because her whole tweet could be nonsense and we wouldn’t even know it.’ asgfgh2 ‘Some viruses, including Covid-19, and I believe the both the entire coronavirus family and most or all seasonal flus, do indeed have a lipid bilayer (enveloped viruses) that is disrupted by soap, inactivating the virus. However, many other viruses do not have such a layer (nonenveloped viruses), such as poliovirus, rotovirus, and norovirus; and both soap and alcohol-based hand sanitizer have a much more limited effect on those.’ AccomplishedCoffee
Just need to get a fact checker to check the fact checker now. Anyone?
READ MORE
Dr Karl wins comeback of the week
Source Reddit u/SoloRules Image Pixabay


thepoke--2020-03-24--Dr Karl wins comeback of the week

Dr Karl wins comeback of the week

We ’ ve always been a fan of Karl Kruszelnicki – or Dr Karl , as he ’ s better @ @ @ @ @ used to listen to the Aussie science boffin overnight on Radio 5 Live .
We @ @ @ @ @ great man just won comeback of the week in response to a follower who doubted @ @ @ @ @ Health Organisation in the fight against coronavirus .
‘ What would they know , ’ @ @ @ @ @ over on Reddit .
And you can follow him on Twitter here .
This Italian @ @ @ @ @ for coffee is much needed light relief right now

Twitter
We’ve always been a fan of Karl Kruszelnicki – or Dr Karl, as he’s better known – ever since we used to listen to the Aussie science boffin overnight on Radio 5 Live.
We only mention this because the great man just won comeback of the week in response to a follower who doubted the worth of the World Health Organisation in the fight against coronavirus.
‘What would they know,’ says soccrmum_00 who shared it over on Reddit.
Congratulations, Dr Karl!
‘Dr Karl is an absolute treasure.’ Captain_Phobos
And you can follow him on Twitter here.
READ MORE
Liam Gallagher singing ‘Champagne Soapernova’ is our favourite hand washing routine
READ MORE
This Italian guy insisting on going out for coffee is much needed light relief right now
Source Reddit u/soccermum_00 Image Twitter


thepoke--2020-03-25--19 times humour got one over on the coronavirus

In the US , Trump has grown bored of pretending to care and is advocating re-opening businesses and accepting the @ @ @ @ @ UK , Rishi Sunak has yet to help the self-employed because he ’ s worried @ @ @ @ @ get money they don ’ t need .
It ’ s hard to imagine how @ @ @ @ @ stay funny as they presumably paint angry slogans on placards , yet here we are @

Twitter
In the US, Trump has grown bored of pretending to care and is advocating re-opening businesses and accepting the casualties, while in the UK, Rishi Sunak has yet to help the self-employed because he’s worried that some of them may get money they don’t need.
It’s hard to imagine how people have been able to stay funny as they presumably paint angry slogans on placards, yet here we are.
1.
Please do not take medical advice from a man who looked directly at a solar eclipse. — Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) March 24, 2020
2.
Our Easter holiday to Centreparcs has been cancelled so we're recreating it at home by having the kids ride their bikes in the garden while I burn £20 notes — joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 24, 2020
3.
A neighbour is blowing bubbles from their garden. Great, whimsical little flying blisters of plague. — Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) March 24, 2020
4.
My mum has a PhD on Corona Virus from WhatsApp University — b (@brownandboujiee) March 23, 2020
5.
i decided that today. is bring your human to work day. we stared out the window for hours. and they helped me spot the cars. it was magical — Thoughts of Dog® (@dog_feelings) March 24, 2020
6.
I do think the one thing that is unsettling me is that I did not expect Armageddon to enjoy such magnificent spring weather. — simon evans (@TheSimonEvans) March 24, 2020
7.
Just checking. We’re not wearing bras anymore, are we? #Pointless — Jo Whiley (@jowhiley) March 23, 2020
8.
I feel sorry for all the burglars having to work from home right now. Breaking their own windows, nicking their wide screen telly and pooing on the bedroom floor. — Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) March 24, 2020
9.
I know they’re calling in all former NHS staff but that is ridiculous. pic.twitter.com/39Y79xTiy0 — Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) March 23, 2020
10.


thepoke--2020-03-25--9 signs you might be a covidiot

9 signs you might be a covidiot

The outbreak of Covid-19 has introduced us to some new or unfamiliar words and phrases , such as : But @ @ @ @ @ is covidiot , n. a person behaving like an idiot in relation to the Covid-19 @ @ @ @ @ a covidiot ?
Are you a covidiot ?
Check this handy guide to learn the @ @ @ @ @ specific instructions not to travel to rural areas ( and to self-isolate for 7 days @ @ @ @ @ .
Using the outbreak as an excuse for racism This last one applies to a @ @ @ @ @ ’ s a definite sign of covidiocy , nonetheless .
Sending mixed messages when you @ @ @ @ @ a country ’ s response .
Piers Morgan defended Donald Trump calling coronavirus ‘ Chinese @ @ @ @ @ was happy to put him right

Exclusive
The outbreak of Covid-19 has introduced us to some new or unfamiliar words and phrases, such as:
Government-mandated exercise PPE – personal protective equipment Social distancing
But the one we like best is covidiot, n. a person behaving like an idiot in relation to the Covid-19 crisis.
Do you know a covidiot? Are you a covidiot? Check this handy guide to learn the signs.
1. Comparing the virus to war
Well, we didn't close our pubs in the blitz
60,000 people killed then
What happened to our nation? — Godfrey Bloom (@goddersbloom) March 20, 2020
2. Hoarding
Via
3. Putting profits first
The boss of Wetherspoons Tim Martin says shutting pubs over the #coronavirus outbreak is "over the top" and they should stay open – despite government advice that people should avoid them. For more on this interview, head here: https://t.co/awJUMMm8JE pic.twitter.com/q45HAoPtRi — Sky News (@SkyNews) March 20, 2020
4. Ignoring social distancing
Columbia Road flower market, East London, noon today. pic.twitter.com/ez1w2UGIFI — Grouse Beater (@Grouse_Beater) March 22, 2020
5. All the conspiracy theories
One is a 5G Map, One is the CoronaVirus Map in the USA
Always a bigger picture 👁 pic.twitter.com/UQ6Dn2cppz — Heine-Stein (@_TheRealDeal24) March 20, 2020
6. Downplaying the virus
COVID-19 is a "serious" virus. I don't know of any viruses which are "not serious." Anyone who has had a bad case of the FLU knows that is a VERY serious virus. But in the end, I doubt COVID-19 will be any worse than 2009 H1N1, which basically, we ignored. — Bill Mitchell (@mitchellvii) March 23, 2020
7. Spreading rumours
Some people are spreading rumours that the Army has been deployed on the streets of London, often using this photo. These are cadets. There is a cadet centre in Clapham. Please – be responsible, don't spread unfounded rumours at this difficult time. pic.twitter.com/D7Xz64sVpK — Franklin (@FranklinSteves) March 18, 2020
8. Flouting specific instructions not to travel to rural areas (and to self-isolate for 7 days when symptoms appear)
Kirstie Allsopp travelling from London to Devon with her confirmed positive Corona Virus family, without even a consideration for others or our alread limited and overstretched services in the South West. Bunch of entitled Tories — Libby Row (@libby_row) March 24, 2020
9. Using the outbreak as an excuse for racism
This last one applies to a select few, but it’s a definite sign of covidiocy, nonetheless.
Sending mixed messages when you’re in charge of a country’s response.
"So the government said in order to stop the spread of the virus it was absolutely vital we all stayed at home. What did the government say Roy?" "Go out if you like" pic.twitter.com/wGxnog2hSp — The Poke (@ThePoke) March 25, 2020
Stay home. Stay safe. Don’t be a covidiot.
READ MORE
Piers Morgan defended Donald Trump calling coronavirus ‘Chinese Virus’ and the internet was happy to put him right
Image @introspectivedsgn on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-25--The only 6 killer reactions you need to  Trump’s plan to end the US lockdown

Trump ’ s coronavirus response has flip-flopped more times than a fish on a quay , from being sure that @ @ @ @ @ about than the flu , to warning people that it was an unprecedented crisis and @ @ @ @ @ can ’ t take precedence over the economy .
This tweet was very telling .
@ @ @ @ @ assessing the situation , he plans to begin removing restrictions and getting the US back @ @ @ @ @ hasn ’ t gone down well with experts , or anyone apart from rich Trump @ @ @ @ @ tell it like it is .
This can be the campaign poster to persuade the @ @ @ @ @ there .
Political commentator Tea Pain had a suspicion about an ulterior motive .
Good @ @ @ @ @ man who likes handshakes in avoiding the deadly virus .
This tweet from Hillary Clinton @ @ @ @ @ its essence .
Donald Trump said he always took the ‘ Chinese virus ’ seriously @ @ @ @ @ need

News
Trump’s coronavirus response has flip-flopped more times than a fish on a quay, from being sure that Covid-19 was less to worry about than the flu, to warning people that it was an unprecedented crisis and to now insisting that it can’t take precedence over the economy.
This tweet was very telling.
WE CANNOT LET THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE PROBLEM ITSELF. AT THE END OF THE 15 DAY PERIOD, WE WILL MAKE A DECISION AS TO WHICH WAY WE WANT TO GO! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 23, 2020
It seems that far from assessing the situation, he plans to begin removing restrictions and getting the US back to work.
Our people want to return to work. They will practice Social Distancing and all else, and Seniors will be watched over protectively & lovingly. We can do two things together. THE CURE CANNOT BE WORSE (by far) THAN THE PROBLEM! Congress MUST ACT NOW. We will come back strong! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 24, 2020
The announcement hasn’t gone down well with experts, or anyone apart from rich Trump supporters.
YESSSSSSSS! Pedal to the metal to protect the over 70 crowd and let the rest of us resume life! https://t.co/BlOWQtGtFy — Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) March 23, 2020
I cannot emphasize this enough. HUMAN LIVES ARE WORTH MUCH MORE THAN THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE. The economy is important but what use is money if you and your loved ones are dead? Money can always be made later. But your life cannot be refunded and purchased again. — Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) March 24, 2020
These responses really tell it like it is.
1.
Did the coronavirus write this tweet? https://t.co/MNW1N54dMv — Respectable Lawyer (@RespectableLaw) March 23, 2020
2.
DIE TO PROTECT MY STOCK PORTFOLIO is not quite the uplifting rallying cry Republicans seem to think it is https://t.co/iy08Z8aVhZ — maura quint (@behindyourback) March 24, 2020
3.
people just want to survive this pandemic, my sociopath dude — Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) March 24, 2020
4.
went from “this is war” to “how much do you even love your grandparents anyway?” real quick — mac (@macjaeh) March 24, 2020
5.
LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF PLAGUE. I AM BORED WITH HAVING TO "GOVERN" https://t.co/cY25Wiv88C — Dan Froomkin/PressWatchers.org (@froomkin) March 23, 2020
6.
This can be the campaign poster to persuade the public to get back out there.
Political commentator Tea Pain had a suspicion about an ulterior motive.
Holy Crap. Trump figures he'll get another term if there's no one left to vote against him. https://t.co/8JF4XfiSZ3 — Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) March 24, 2020
Good luck to the 73-year-old unfit man who likes handshakes in avoiding the deadly virus.
This tweet from Hillary Clinton boiled the situation down to its essence.
Please do not take medical advice from a man who looked directly at a solar eclipse. — Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) March 24, 2020
READ MORE
Donald Trump said he always took the ‘Chinese virus’ seriously – only 4 replies you need
Source Donald Trump Image YouTube


thepoke--2020-03-25--Janey Godley’s version of the quarantined Trump family is just hilarious

Imagine having to live with the Trumps .
Now imagine having to be in quarantine with them …and they ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s the scenario suggested by comedian Janey Godley ’ s voiceover in this hilarious @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s obviously favourite child .
That ’ s the most interesting Ivanka has @ @ @ @ @ as the Trump lockdown sounds , it could be worse – it could be in @ @ @ @ @ of the same , go now and give her a follow .
It might be @ @ @ @ @ do during the lockdown .

Videos
Imagine having to live with the Trumps. Now imagine having to be in quarantine with them …and they’ve got instruments.
That’s the scenario suggested by comedian Janey Godley’s voiceover in this hilarious clip of Ivanka Kushner, Trump’s obviously favourite child.
“The kids are driving me up the absolute wall. One’s got a drum. One’s got an accordion.
Melania – she’s got a tambourine, walking about, banging fuck out of it.”
That’s the most interesting Ivanka has ever been.
As bad as the Trump lockdown sounds, it could be worse – it could be in a caravan.
“Remember I had a caravan in Girvan?” #janeygodleyvoiceover catch me on tour https://t.co/eT2ppleupZ pic.twitter.com/Jp4grlAba0 — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) March 24, 2020
For more of the same, go now and give her a follow. It might be the most productive thing you do during the lockdown.
READ MORE
Janey Godley hilariously imagined the Queen and Nicola Sturgeon discussing Boris Johnson
Source Janey Godley Image Janey Godley


thepoke--2020-03-25--This young goalkeeper’s solo practice hack went viral because it’s simply ingenious

As most children are now being home-schooled* and aren ’ t allowed to play out , it can be difficult @ @ @ @ @ keep on top of their usual sports routines .
*watching television and playing on the @ @ @ @ @ , the son of journalist , Sarah-Jayne Tobin , found a fairly ingenious way around @ @ @ @ @ were both impressed by his ingenuity and skill .
These were some of the best @ @ @ @ @ everyone ’ s out of quarantine , Nathan ’ s going to have some illustrious @ @ @ @ @ Manchester United ’ s midfielder , Juan Mata Garcia .
However , for a Leeds @ @ @ @ @ have been the best response .
We ’ ll watch out for him on the @ @ @ @ @ years or so .
3 pro footballers taking on 100 children is just a fantastic @

Twitter
As most children are now being home-schooled* and aren’t allowed to play out, it can be difficult for some of them to keep on top of their usual sports routines.
*watching television and playing on the Playstation
One youngster, Nathan, the son of journalist, Sarah-Jayne Tobin, found a fairly ingenious way around his particular problem.
When you’re a goalkeeper… and an only child… in self isolation… and trying to keep up with your training… 😂😂came up with this himself! I’m so impressed. #coronavirus #StayHomeStaySafe pic.twitter.com/FFzJ1LE3N1 — Sarah-Jayne Tobin (@TheSJTobin) March 23, 2020
People were both impressed by his ingenuity and skill. These were some of the best comments we saw.
This child is my hero. https://t.co/FNhUzguC1F — Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) March 23, 2020
This is beyond excellent. And looks a lovely day for it in fairness! — Séamas It Ever Was (@shockproofbeats) March 23, 2020
Can he play for Villa in June please? 😳🙌🏽 — Declan Pierce (@DecPierce) March 23, 2020
When everyone’s out of quarantine, Nathan’s going to have some illustrious training buddies, such as Manchester United’s midfielder, Juan Mata Garcia.
One day, if he wants, and when all this is over, I would like to practice my freeckicks with him on goal! What do you think? 🙌 https://t.co/Brl6omumf4 — Juan Mata García (@juanmata8) March 23, 2020
And Watford’s goalkeeper, Ben Foster.
What a legend!!!! I don’t know how we’re gonna be able to do it but I’m gonna have to put a training session on for ya!!!! Keep going mate I love it👌👌👍👍👏👏 — Ben Foster (@BenFoster) March 23, 2020
However, for a Leeds United fan, this must have been the best response.
We’ll watch out for him on the sports pages in about eight years or so.
READ MORE
3 pro footballers taking on 100 children is just a fantastic watch
Source Sarah-Jayne Tobin Image Sarah-Jayne Tobin


thepoke--2020-03-25--Someone sent a chihuahua to buy Cheetos – and it worked

A wise person once said “ Necessity is the mother of invention ” and the quarantine caused by the coronavirus crisis has demonstrated that perfectly , with this example deserving a place in some sort of textbook .
As shared by the wonderful crowd over at Bored Panda , a young Mexican named Antonio Munoz was craving a snack during lockdown , but was mindful of the risks of contracting or spreading the virus .
He wrote on his Facebook page … This is what happened next .
“ Hello Mr .
Shopkeeper .
Please sell my dog some Cheetos @ @ @ @ @ @ @ red ones , they ’ re too hot .
She has 20 pesos attached to her collar .
WARNING : She will bite if not treated right .
Your front neighbour.
” He sent his furry housemate off like this : It worked !
Here ’ s the moment Antonio spotted her heading back with the crunchy treasure .
These are a few of the thousands of responses to the light relief .
Absolutely true .
That dog is worth its weight in gold – or orange .
A lovely old story about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but turned out to be even cleverer than they thought

Pics
A wise person once said “Necessity is the mother of invention” and the quarantine caused by the coronavirus crisis has demonstrated that perfectly, with this example deserving a place in some sort of textbook.
As shared by the wonderful crowd over at Bored Panda, a young Mexican named Antonio Munoz was craving a snack during lockdown, but was mindful of the risks of contracting or spreading the virus.
He wrote on his Facebook page …
“Día tres de la cuarentena
Yo quería mis chetos” Day three of quarantine
I wanted my Cheetos.
This is what happened next.
He wrote this note:
The note translates as:
“Hello Mr. Shopkeeper. Please sell my dog some Cheetos, the orange kind, not the red ones, they’re too hot. She has 20 pesos attached to her collar. WARNING: She will bite if not treated right. Your front neighbour.”
He sent his furry housemate off like this:
It worked! Here’s the moment Antonio spotted her heading back with the crunchy treasure.
Antonio’s ingenuity went viral on Twitter.
Me in quarantine sending my dog to get me hot Cheetos pic.twitter.com/1Avx0JMlLo — Nancy (@Wtfnancyison) March 19, 2020
These are a few of the thousands of responses to the light relief.
Low bar: dog gets you a beer from the fridge.
High bar: dog commutes to get you snacks, returns with change. — EBW (@the_agrippa) March 20, 2020
“I am the Hero they need But don’t deserve” — Obi-Wants-Kenobi (@Gung_Ho_Ike) March 21, 2020
Time to send Scooby on a mission. The chips are running low lol — Nicholas Cardona (@niconick11) March 21, 2020
Someone named Aston made this excellent point.
Doggo deserves a delicious treat https://t.co/KuMHDmrKEJ — Aston ¹⁹⁹⁶ (@TheAstonAlvarez) March 21, 2020
Absolutely true. That dog is worth its weight in gold – or orange.
READ MORE
A lovely old story about a dog who was hailed a hero but turned out to be even cleverer than they thought
Source Facebook H/T Bored Panda Image Facebook


thepoke--2020-03-25--Matt Lucas’ song about a baked potato is the best PSA you’ll see today

It ’ s true that there ’ s no shortage of celebrities telling us how to avoid spreading Covid-19 , @ @ @ @ @ are doing it via the power of song .
That ’ s why we ’ @ @ @ @ @ video posted by Matt Lucas , because it revives a classic memory of his days @ @ @ @ @ tells us everything we need to know .
It ’ s as catchy as the @ @ @ @ @ more pleasant , and that ’ s not just our opinion .
As a treat @ @ @ @ @ the Baked Potato song used to go .
Matt Lucas shared how he took down @ @ @ @ @ people loved him for it

Videos
It’s true that there’s no shortage of celebrities telling us how to avoid spreading Covid-19, but not many of them are doing it via the power of song.
That’s why we’re particularly impressed with this video posted by Matt Lucas, because it revives a classic memory of his days on Shooting Stars, but tells us everything we need to know.
A VERY important message pic.twitter.com/8X03czKetu — Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) March 24, 2020
It’s as catchy as the coronavirus, but a lot more pleasant, and that’s not just our opinion.
The best public service broadcast you will hear today. https://t.co/RytM92Ora1 — Andrew Bloch (@AndrewBloch) March 24, 2020
You'll like this. It has a peel. https://t.co/ZG3jQRscod — Tim Ireland (@bloggerheads) March 24, 2020
Why is this not a government PSA? https://t.co/VX7HOfMPRX — Helen of Troy 🐝🕷 (@AteA1000chips) March 24, 2020
As a treat, here’s how the Baked Potato song used to go.
READ MORE
Matt Lucas shared how he took down this Doctor Who troll and people loved him for it
Source Matt Lucas Image Matt Lucas


thepoke--2020-03-25--James Blunt’s no-nonsense response to coronavirus got people smiling

As all sorts of celebrities have been putting videos and stuff online to keep people entertained during self-isolation , James @ @ @ @ @ his fans on Twitter .
And people loved him for it , obviously .
And @ @ @ @ @ first time he ’ s tackled the fallout from Covid-19 on Twitter .
There was @ @ @ @ @ and this .

Twitter
As all sorts of celebrities have been putting videos and stuff online to keep people entertained during self-isolation, James Blunt had this announcement for his fans on Twitter.
During lockdown, while many other artists are doing mini-concerts from their homes, I thought I’d do you all a favour and not. — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 25, 2020
And people loved him for it, obviously.
You're…..beautiful. — S J Hammerschmidt 😇 (@sjhammerschmidt) March 25, 2020
That’s what I like to see, some positivity — Carl (@_Wattsy_99) March 25, 2020
1)
My wife's infected
My hands are pure
I stole some handgel
from Coles I'm sure
They stared at me at Subway
I sneezed – on another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that
Corona's got a plan You're isolated
You're isolated
You're isolated, it's cool — Scott Wellman (@JDarklighter) March 25, 2020
At last .. a celeb who isn't being a nob 👍👍👍😁 — Pupps (@Pupps17) March 25, 2020
And it’s not the first time he’s tackled the fallout from Covid-19 on Twitter.
There was also this.
They can ban large gatherings, but as you can see here, it doesn’t seem to affect my shows:https://t.co/ZeST9ga4bt — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 13, 2020
And this.
Must be a bad time to be a hypochondriac. — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 19, 2020
Oh, and this.
Yeah, but I’m locked in with my mother-in-law. https://t.co/HJPS7SLfzH — James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 24, 2020
READ MORE
13 favourite James Blunt tweets of the year


thepoke--2020-03-25--Stephen Fry’s myth-busting coronavirus video is the fact checker we all need right now

Not the first myth-busting video that Stephen Fry has done , but it might just be the most important .
@ @ @ @ @ lot of questions about coronavirus while busting quite a few myths at the same time @

Videos
Not the first myth-busting video that Stephen Fry has done, but it might just be the most important.
His latest video answers a lot of questions about coronavirus while busting quite a few myths at the same time.
READ MORE
James Blunt’s no-nonsense response to coronavirus got people smiling
H/T Indy100 Image RTE screengrab


thepoke--2020-03-25--Simply 27 brilliantly groansome dad jokes to take your mind off coronavirus for a moment or two

Such is the world we all live in right now there ’ s never been a better time to follow @ @ @ @ @ Brilliantly terrible , hilariously groansome and sometimes downright genius , here are 27 of the @ @ @ @ @ off coronavirus for a moment or two at least …

Twitter
Such is the world we all live in right now there’s never been a better time to follow @Dadsaysjokes on Twitter.
Brilliantly terrible, hilariously groansome and sometimes downright genius, here are 27 of the best…
1.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 24, 2020
2.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne.” — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 29, 2020
3.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 18, 2019
4.
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris? Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris. Son: Thanks dad. Dad: No problem Quarantine. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 22, 2020
5.
I recently started a band called 999 Megabytes. We’re good but we haven’t got a gig yet. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) May 1, 2019
6.
Me: I'm terrified of random letters Therapist: You are? Me: (Screams) Therapist: I see Me: (Scream intensifies) — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 11, 2020
7.
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it. The current version has a nasty virus. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 23, 2020
8.
"Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?" No idea, they just ransomware. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) October 6, 2019
9.
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers… The Times are rough. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 19, 2020
10.
Boss: How good are you at Power Point? Me: I Excel at it Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) July 9, 2018
11.
Finland has just closed their borders. No one will be crossing the finish line. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 19, 2020
12.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d been with. She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens. — Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) March 31, 2019
13.


thepoke--2020-03-25--Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19 – 13 responses to make one feel better about oneself

Prince Charles has tested positive for Covid-19 , although he is reported to be in good health and only displaying @ @ @ @ @ s also – don ’ t laugh – said to be ‘ working from home @ @ @ @ @ a speedy recovery , as we do everyone who has tested positive , obviously .
@ @ @ @ @ , they might make one feel a little better about oneself right now .
Talking @ @ @ @ @ go live to … The only 6 killer reactions you need to Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ lockdown

Twitter
Prince Charles has tested positive for Covid-19, although he is reported to be in good health and only displaying mild symptoms.
He’s also – don’t laugh – said to be ‘working from home’.
We wish him a speedy recovery, as we do everyone who has tested positive, obviously. But these 13 reactions well, they might make one feel a little better about oneself right now.
1.
If Prince Andrew could sweat I bet he’d be sweating right now — James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 25, 2020
2.
Prince Charles has got coronavirus, which confirms that it's heirborn. Don't @ me. — Oonagh (@Okeating) March 25, 2020
3.
Prince Charles tests positive for COVID-19. Prince Andrew suspected to have Co-Ed 16. — Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) March 25, 2020
4.
Prince Andrew says he doesn't have the coronavirus and has never had contact with Prince Charles as he has been self isolating in Woking Pizza Express. — TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 25, 2020
5.
Amazing disease, this covid-19. Seems primarily to target the likes of Prince Charles and Idris Elba, but not nurses, homeless people or carers. I wonder why that is? — Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) March 25, 2020
6.
Prince Charles got a #covid19 test so quickly because he met the requirements – which are “being a member of the Royal family or the Tory party or just quite rich really” — end of daves ❄ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) March 25, 2020
7.
I love the idea of Prince Charles working from home, saying “so what do you do?” to a pot plant. — Stig Abell (@StigAbell) March 25, 2020
8.
If Prince Charles is working from home now he’s got Corona I think Camilla should put a red ribbon across every door so that he can cut it when he walks through. — Mark ne-Francois-pas MP 🇬🇧 (@MarkFrancois12) March 25, 2020
9.
Does this mean Prince Charles will have to tap open his own boiled eggs? Truly, we have come the End Times. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 25, 2020
10.
I can’t believe Prince Charles ate a bat. — Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) March 25, 2020
11.
what if #PrinceCharles organises a video of other royals in isolation singing the national anthem to raise morale — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) March 25, 2020
12.
But he was so careful??? https://t.co/4Oov1j7Q6z — John Rain CBE (@MrKenShabby) March 25, 2020
13.
Have the Daily Mail worked out how to blame Meghan Markle for Charles getting Covid yet? — Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) March 25, 2020
Talking of which, we now go live to …
https://twitter.com/ShameIessFC/status/1242770316243410949?s=20
READ MORE
The only 6 killer reactions you need to Trump’s plan to end the US lockdown


thepoke--2020-03-24--People are giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist – 17 favourites

People have been giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist and # isolateMorrissey is a strong contender for @ @ @ @ @ week .
Here ’ s 17 of the very best , not just Morrissey but @ @ @ @ @ off with the chap who started it ( we think ) David Quantick .

Twitter
People have been giving Morrissey song titles and lyrics a self-isolation twist and #isolateMorrissey is a strong contender for our favourite hashtag of the week.
Here’s 17 of the very best, not just Morrissey but Smiths songs obviously, kicking off with the chap who started it (we think) David Quantick.
1.
The First Of The Gang To Die #isolateMorrissey — David Quantick (@quantick) March 24, 2020
2.
3.
Girlfriend With Corona (I know, I know. it’s serious…) #isolateMorrissey — ⚫ Bod Notbod (@bodnotbod) March 24, 2020
4.
There Is A Lad That Never Goes Out #isolateMorrissey — ⚫ Bod Notbod (@bodnotbod) March 24, 2020
5.
“I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a mask to wear” #isolateMorrissey — Sylvia (@sylvias_diary) March 24, 2020
6.
Stockpilers of the World Unite #isolateMorrissey — Tim Ripley (@mrtimripley) March 24, 2020
7.
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want from Tesco #isolatemorrissey — Phoenicurus (@HarringayBirder) March 24, 2020
8.
No one on the streets of London
No one on the streets of Birmingham #isolateMorrissey — Mike Bevan (@MikeBevan_RG) March 24, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-03-26--17 of the funniest coronavirus tweets to take the sting out of lockdown

Quarantine is proving to be the thing that gets people talking , even if it ’ s only via Skype @ @ @ @ @ letter box .
By the time it ’ s over , we ’ ll all @ @ @ @ @ physically incapable of touching one another without shuddering .
Quarantine is just one of many @ @ @ @ @ s jokers .
Read and don ’ t weep .

Twitter
Quarantine is proving to be the thing that gets people talking, even if it’s only via Skype or notes shoved through a letter box. By the time it’s over, we’ll all have more empathy but be physically incapable of touching one another without shuddering.
Quarantine is just one of many topics covered by today’s jokers. Read and don’t weep.
1.
Just saw a very sweet slice of quarantine life. Two young lovers in jogging gear in Springfield Park, clearly pretending to be doing their exercise for the day so they could steal a moment together. Not ashamed to say I had a slight catch in my throat as I called the police. — Séamas It Ever Was (@shockproofbeats) March 25, 2020
2.
My hands are so dry they feel like they belong to someone else. — Louis Theroux (@louistheroux) March 24, 2020
3.
Quarantine Day 36,489: Joe Wicks has fully lost it and is smashing his mint green guitar against the fireplace (for 12 reps in 5 sets). — Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) March 25, 2020
4.
Ladies with long curly hair don't need to stress about haircuts now. You can be like, I just surfaced from a swamp and I bring secrets from another realm. — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) March 24, 2020
5.
Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a girl with hand sanitizer for some good clean fun. — Anthony Lock – Never Give Up… Never Give In… (@BrokenByWar) March 24, 2020
6.
Anyone who wants to exercise more than once a day can have one of mine if they want. — Daniel Glyn (@DanielGlyn) March 23, 2020
7.
video calls that could have been calls are the new meeting that could have been an email — Esther Webber (@estwebber) March 24, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-03-26--BBC Dad and the kids who videobombed him were back on TV – and they’re still full of mischief

None of us can forget the moment that the BBC ’ s South Korea correspondent , Professor Robert Kelly , was interrupted by his two adorable children and his frantic wife .
Nor would we want to .
Here ’ s how it went down .
Professor Kelly was dubbed BBC Dad , and the moment is undoubtedly one of the best videobombs in TV history .
Such was the internet ’ s investment in his family , that when he recently appeared to talk about Covid-19 , everybody was far more interested in the door – which disappointingly remained @ @ @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t see coming – because that ’ s how twists work – the Covid-19 quarantine has given us the gift of another glimpse of the children , Marian and James , as Professor Kelly and his wife , Kim Jung-A , discussed the challenges of being in lockdown .
We ’ re delighted to see that the children have retained their lively spirits .
Presumably far more delighted than the parents who are stuck indoors with them .
Needless to say , their reappearance has been big news for their devoted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Schofield is incredibly relatable .
Keeping up with the Kellys FTW .
Never mind these people clamouring for video updates from the Queen – this is our royal family now .

Twitter
None of us can forget the moment that the BBC’s South Korea correspondent, Professor Robert Kelly, was interrupted by his two adorable children and his frantic wife. Nor would we want to.
Here’s how it went down.
Professor Kelly was dubbed BBC Dad, and the moment is undoubtedly one of the best videobombs in TV history.
Such was the internet’s investment in his family, that when he recently appeared to talk about Covid-19, everybody was far more interested in the door – which disappointingly remained firmly closed.
the most hated locked door in all human history https://t.co/VUEtcpNpgK — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) February 23, 2020
In a twist we didn’t see coming – because that’s how twists work – the Covid-19 quarantine has given us the gift of another glimpse of the children, Marian and James, as Professor Kelly and his wife, Kim Jung-A, discussed the challenges of being in lockdown.
omg our favourite family have returned to bbc world news pic.twitter.com/lP7vIqD37V — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) March 26, 2020
my favourite part of the interview was when one of the kids got bored, left and then came back with a computer game pic.twitter.com/lCEl8tuKfo — Scott Bryan (@scottygb) March 26, 2020
We’re delighted to see that the children have retained their lively spirits. Presumably far more delighted than the parents who are stuck indoors with them.
Needless to say, their reappearance has been big news for their devoted Twitter audience.
The most famous working from home family on the planet are now live on BBC World pic.twitter.com/T9vGrKu8tJ — Ryan Northover (@RyanNorthover) March 26, 2020
what I truly love about this clip is the segue into the part where the BBC dad genuinely wants to answer the interviewer's questions but is being hit in the face by his daughter pic.twitter.com/5QmUWs67Fo — Matthew Champion (@matthewchampion) March 26, 2020
Crazily uplifting to see them. We are all this family now. So in the end, in a way, he won. https://t.co/7FAkYIMugi — David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 26, 2020
THIS IS WHAT WE NEEDED. Also, congrats to the daughter who continues to be utterly delightfully uncontrollable. https://t.co/PZH3ISNdai — Frances Ryan (@DrFrancesRyan) March 26, 2020
The good news is that the Kid who, a few years back, marched in without a single f**k to give is still a legend..
This has cheered me up no end! https://t.co/dvyFmU0BNV — Jim Sheridan (@Jim_Sheridan) March 26, 2020
This reaction from Paul Schofield is incredibly relatable. Keeping up with the Kellys FTW.
this is the only reality show I'd watch. — Paul Schofield (@schofey27) March 26, 2020
Never mind these people clamouring for video updates from the Queen – this is our royal family now.
READ MORE
That BBC News interview interrupted: the sequel!
Source BBC via Scott Bryan Image Scott Bryan


thepoke--2020-03-26--11 hot and breathless coronavirus-inspired chat-up lines (NSFW)

With a large chunk of the world now stuck in relative isolation , the twin obsessions of the coronavirus and @ @ @ @ @ hot topic – at least 38 degrees .
Over on r/AskReddit , BoxingChamp28 has asked @ @ @ @ @ quarantine pick-up lines .
No idea why , since nobody ’ s getting a chance @ @ @ @ @ you want to be in self-isolation forever , we highly recommend not using this one @ @ @ @ @ lines are perfect for meeting someone in Waitrose

Pics
With a large chunk of the world now stuck in relative isolation, the twin obsessions of the coronavirus and its resulting quarantine are a hot topic – at least 38 degrees.
Over on r/AskReddit, BoxingChamp28 has asked people to share their best quarantine pick-up lines. No idea why, since nobody’s getting a chance to use them.
Still, they’re pretty entertaining, if NSFW.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Unless you want to be in self-isolation forever, we highly recommend not using this one.
READ MORE
These middle class chat-up lines are perfect for meeting someone in Waitrose
Source r/AskReddit Image r/AskReddit, @samuelegiglio on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-03-26--Sam Neill’s quarantine updates have made us love him even more

Quarantine is going to be different for everyone .
For example , Prince Charles isolating from Camilla at Balmoral is a very different story to someone living in a flat with three kids and a dwindling supply of patience .
Sam Neill , however , was always going to do quarantine well , because the man ’ s so laid back he ’ s virtually horizontal .
Here are a few posts he ’ s shared so far that prove it .
How to deal with any extra time you might have .
His dinner troubles have never been more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the behaviour of his beloved pig , Angelica .
Best of all , perhaps , is his decision to take up the ukulele again .
We ’ re not sure how well the rest of us would cope if we were quarantined with a ukulele player , but it ’ s a welcome diversion as long as we can choose when to hear it .
If you don ’ t follow him already , do it now – he ’ ll be good for your blood pressure .
Nothing to see here – @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pig

Twitter
Quarantine is going to be different for everyone. For example, Prince Charles isolating from Camilla at Balmoral is a very different story to someone living in a flat with three kids and a dwindling supply of patience.
Sam Neill, however, was always going to do quarantine well, because the man’s so laid back he’s virtually horizontal. Here are a few posts he’s shared so far that prove it.
How to deal with any extra time you might have.
SELF ISOLATION . Time on your hands? Of course. So put it to good use if you can. Here’s how I do it… ( also… stay calm, stay safe) pic.twitter.com/fP8TmP5LBd — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 21, 2020
Be practical.
SELF ISOLATION . What to do ? This made me feel real good . Ah … the little things #COVID2019 pic.twitter.com/hTSmH3upF8 — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 19, 2020
His dinner troubles have never been more relatable.
SELF ISOLATION. I thought I was hungry . Now I’m actually looking at dinner … not quite so sure pic.twitter.com/drZVAKaCFO — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 21, 2020
Anyone for love poetry?
Two Short Pomes For Twitter . Love pomes. ( btw stay safe. keep distance, wash yr hands and look — get on FaceTime or Skype- makes all the difference to those you love) pic.twitter.com/BDDgozz0su — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 22, 2020
He’s providing wine tips.
There was this update on the behaviour of his beloved pig, Angelica.
BAD BAD PIG. 2 weeks from harvest, grapes are close to ripe, and the nets are on to keep out greedy creatures, like birds. And certainly PIGS. And who got caught red handed yesterday? Red trottered anyway . I can't get back to the farm at the mo. But I have issued a STERN WARNING pic.twitter.com/dMGP45dGyZ — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 24, 2020
Best of all, perhaps, is his decision to take up the ukulele again.
SELF ISOLATION . Thought I’d pick up a uke after all this time and sing something cheerful. I can only apologise … pic.twitter.com/D0j7chfKb0 — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 20, 2020
HOW TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF on Twitter . Pick up a uke and do MORE bad singing for the ( more or less ) common good .#StayAtHomeSaveLives But … a few more months , I might pass muster . Please . As much as you can, #stayhome, keep in touch on Skype or FaceTime, stay safe. pic.twitter.com/EsHtdnh88l — Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) March 25, 2020
We’re not sure how well the rest of us would cope if we were quarantined with a ukulele player, but it’s a welcome diversion as long as we can choose when to hear it.
If you don’t follow him already, do it now – he’ll be good for your blood pressure.
READ MORE
Nothing to see here – just Sam Neill doing yoga with his pig
Source Sam Neill Image Sam Neill


thepoke--2020-03-26--What quarantine hairstyle are you aiming for? – the 15 best/worst

Although Boris Johnson has promised to review the UK lockdown after three weeks , it ’ s pretty obvious that @ @ @ @ @ be the way ahead for quite some time .
We all know what that means @ @ @ @ @ ?
No trips to the barber or salon .
We wondered how people in quarantine @ @ @ @ @ bad hair consequences , so we asked this question .
Your suggestions make us hope @ @ @ @ @ emerge into the light whenever quarantine ends , because that ’ s going to be @ @ @ @ @ favourites .

Exclusive
Although Boris Johnson has promised to review the UK lockdown after three weeks, it’s pretty obvious that social distancing is going to be the way ahead for quite some time.
We all know what that means, don’t we? No trips to the barber or salon.
We wondered how people in quarantine might cope with the inevitable bad hair consequences, so we asked this question.
What quarantine hairstyle are you aiming for? pic.twitter.com/VX32yMQIv4 — The Poke (@ThePoke) March 23, 2020
Your suggestions make us hope we get to see everyone emerge into the light whenever quarantine ends, because that’s going to be hilarious.
These were our favourites.
1.
Rick Wakeman.
Might see if I can get a cape as well.. pic.twitter.com/LR0zZuFdjN — David Quickfall (@DavidQuickfall) March 23, 2020
2.
3.
4.
5.
Hoping for the beard too pic.twitter.com/f3pPis4LkA — Paul Miller (@MightyPaulym) March 23, 2020
6.
7.
Whatever I’m going for, according to my wife, it’ll be this! (The hair, not the body!) pic.twitter.com/KXAgpVB6tl — Mark Gray (@saintlymark) March 23, 2020
8.


thepoke--2020-03-26--The truth about life with kids – according to these 19 parents

A lot of parents are currently spending far more time with their children than they usually do , some of @ @ @ @ @ work from home .
But it ’ s worth remembering that parents have already made @ @ @ @ @ by having kids in the first place .
Here ’ s a little insight into @ @ @ @ @ children .
They bring an inevitable amount of mess and dirt – including smells .

Twitter
A lot of parents are currently spending far more time with their children than they usually do, some of them while also trying to work from home. But it’s worth remembering that parents have already made one huge step, just by having kids in the first place.
Here’s a little insight into the quirks of life with children.
They bring an inevitable amount of mess and dirt – including smells.
1.
*Before kids* Person: Hey, there's some crumbs on the floor. Me: Oh, I'll get the hoover. *After kids* Person: There's a slice of watermelon on your sofa. Me: ……………….And? — Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) July 17, 2019
2.
I’m no parenting expert, but one thing I can tell you is to only feed your kids rice on the day you plan to vacuum. — SpacedMom (@copymama) July 15, 2019
3.
Ways in which nightclubs prepared me for motherhood: We always go to the toilet in pairs
The floor is sticky
I'm scared that I've sat in someone's bodily fluids, again
Someone is crying over something mad
There's repetitive music
I've got a headache
Someone's thrown up — Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) September 9, 2019
4.
3 year old: Mummy, daddy….I pooped. Wife: Wow this smells like a bad one. ****takes off diaper**** Wife: WOW….this is bad! 3 year old: holy fuck mum….. 😲😂 — Ben Bruce (@benjaminbruce) February 26, 2020
They completely change your habits.
5.
I like to play this game where I try to cram my entire adult life into the 2 hours I get after putting the kids to bed before falling asleep on the couch and hurting my neck.
Super fun. — Jenny Schoberl (@holdin_holden) May 17, 2018
6.
Opening a chocolate wrapper as quietly as possible – before seeing the silhouette of my toddler approach from behind me regardless – is as close as I've come to feeling like I'm in a horror movie. — Michael Clarke (@Mr_Mike_Clarke) March 16, 2020
7.
Before kids: shower sex After kids: shower decontamination — The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) February 20, 2019
8.
Becoming a parent can really throw a curve ball at your "Recently Played" Spotify list. pic.twitter.com/IH6nkx4f5u — Aaron Levie (@levie) July 17, 2019
9.
Me before having kids: lll never use baby talk
Me now: hi hunny bunny, did you have a good nappy??? — leaf eating alex (@thewitchydoula) March 22, 2019
They’re expensive.
10.


thepoke--2020-03-26--Bob Mortimer’s new Train Guy sketch is another mini masterpiece

Bob Mortimer ‘ s Train Guy sketches are one of the highlights of Twitter , and we look forward to @ @ @ @ @ he is in a new offering , mocking the ever-present Colin about his bracelet .
@ @ @ @ @ are avoiding the morning commute , these sketches have taken on a whole new dimension @ @ @ @ @ when we ’ d have been okay with sitting fairly close to a fellow traveller @ @ @ @ @ traveller .
Here ’ s how people have been reacting .
We can all now @ @ @ @ @ whenever we want , because someone has made a soundboard of many of his words @ @ @ @ @ some joyful noises .
We ’ re very much on board with writer Sinéad Gleeson @ @ @ @ @ to you , Bob .
Bob Mortimer and Matt Berry took Train Guy straight off @ @

Videos
Bob Mortimer‘s Train Guy sketches are one of the highlights of Twitter, and we look forward to each new one. Here he is in a new offering, mocking the ever-present Colin about his bracelet.
Now that most of us are avoiding the morning commute, these sketches have taken on a whole new dimension with nostalgia for a time when we’d have been okay with sitting fairly close to a fellow traveller. Maybe not that fellow traveller.
Here’s how people have been reacting.
I am so so glad we have @RealBobMortimer https://t.co/e1N6Calvns — Zoe London (@zoelondondj) March 25, 2020
BIRDS EYE POTATO ROFL HAHAHAHAHI someone give this man the throne https://t.co/gi8gcqjuce — frankie (@faboob) March 25, 2020
Was genuinely concerned he was having a stroke about 20 secs in 😂 — Pip 🥦 (@PippyG82) March 25, 2020
You are as ever, a buttery spaniel https://t.co/s4oZSzh6kZ — Liam Thorp (@LiamThorpECHO) March 25, 2020
We can all now get that Train Guy ambience whenever we want, because someone has made a soundboard of many of his words, phrases – and even some joyful noises.
Somebody has made a Train Guy soundboard. I don't see how this could possibly help https://t.co/S3ZPkMHx0P — bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) March 23, 2020
We’re very much on board with writer Sinéad Gleeson‘s plea.
There's a real and definite need for hourly/daily #TrainGuy updates to get us all through this… https://t.co/EG0fAcMQaC — Sinéad Gleeson (@sineadgleeson) March 25, 2020
Over to you, Bob.
READ MORE
Bob Mortimer and Matt Berry took Train Guy straight off the rails
Source Bob Mortimer Image Bob Mortimer


thepoke--2020-03-26--Kirstie Allsopp relocated to Devon and people did not love it – the only 6 reactions you need

TV property expert and crafter , Kirstie Allsopp , got on the wrong side of quarantined tweeters when it emerged @ @ @ @ @ had travelled from London to their second home in Devon , while her husband was @ @ @ @ @ the government having specifically urged people not to flee cities for more rural areas , @ @ @ @ @ the medical facilities to cope with a major outbreak , it seemed there might be @ @ @ @ @ and another for everyone else .
Joel Golby mused on all the people putting people @ @ @ @ @ .
Where ’ s that BBC plague doctor when we need him ?
12 favourite @ @ @ @ @ s new lockdown rules

Twitter
TV property expert and crafter, Kirstie Allsopp, got on the wrong side of quarantined tweeters when it emerged that she and her family had travelled from London to their second home in Devon, while her husband was suffering from Covid-19.
With the government having specifically urged people not to flee cities for more rural areas, which don’t have the medical facilities to cope with a major outbreak, it seemed there might be one rule for the rich and another for everyone else.
These reactions show how people felt.
1.
Sorry, one thing I forgot to mention in my speech. You know all that stuff about staying at home and not travelling? Well it should go without saying, but obviously it doesn't apply to entitled people like Kirstie Allsopp.#CoronavirusLockdown — Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 25, 2020
2.
Relocation, relocation, relocation. Selfish twat, selfish twat, selfish twat.https://t.co/PakynTAiug — Ox E Moron (@oxymoronictimes) March 25, 2020
3.
I for one am completely amazed that Kirstie Allsopp has behaved like an entitled fucking princess.https://t.co/wZuiyRRP9Y — Malcolm Tucker Esq 🕷 (@Tucker5law) March 24, 2020
4.
Only one way out of this Kirstie – KNIT US AN ANTIDOTE RT @ShakerMaker2: Kirstie Allsopp confirming her status as a special person by travelling to her second home in Devon with her family including confirmed virus carrier husband. — Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) March 25, 2020
5.
Looking forward to the new series of Location Location Location where Kirstie Allsopp shows us the best place to take your virus infected family — Robert Allen (@RobAllenF1) March 25, 2020
6.
Woman who once regarded someone else's lunch as her business in the name of public health packs her plague ridden brood off to an area with 7 ventilators. https://t.co/saJTdULCaw — Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) March 25, 2020
Joel Golby mused on all the people putting people at risk with similar behaviour.
mad how we still blame rats for spreading the black death, isn't it. based purely on the evidence of the past week it was actually spread by people who 'won't let a virus tell them how to live their lives!' and kirstie allsopp — joel golby (@joelgolby) March 25, 2020
Where’s that BBC plague doctor when we need him?
READ MORE
12 favourite reactions to the UK’s new lockdown rules
Image This Morning, sharonmccutcheon on Unsplash


thepoke--2020-04-16--David Baddiel had the best response to Ben Fogle’s idea to ‘sing for the Queen’

As you have no doubt seen by now , former Castaway turned TV presenter ( and other stuff , probably @ @ @ @ @ to sing happy birthday to the Queen next week .
Like clapping for the NHS @ @ @ @ @ y/o monarch .
It prompted no shortage of funny responses … … but we liked @ @ @ @ @ ( well , this and the Norwich Uni guy , if we ’ re totally @ @ @ @ @ and clarification from Ben Fogle

Twitter
As you have no doubt seen by now, former Castaway turned TV presenter (and other stuff, probably) Ben Fogle wants everyone to sing happy birthday to the Queen next week.
Like clapping for the NHS but singing for a 93 y/o monarch.
It’s the Queens birthday next Tuesday. Let’s throw her a surprise. At 9am 21st April, we are calling on the whole country to sing Happy Birthday from our windows and doorsteps. Let our song bring good cheer not just to Her Majesty but to the whole nation #singforthequeen pic.twitter.com/867EbD9PVg — Ben Fogle (@Benfogle) April 16, 2020
It prompted no shortage of funny responses …
Hi Ben, I’m a student at Norwich University, and I’d love to reference your tweet in my dissertation about guys who were breast fed into their mid 20s. Do I have your permission to reference the tweet? — Herdam Unity (@DuncanBadhew) April 16, 2020
This is a nice idea but I’m clapping for the PM at 0830, dancing for the Police at 9AM, jazz hands for the judiciary at 0930 and arm waving for the army at 10AM so no real time for this — Disappointed Optimist (@disappoptimism) April 16, 2020
Heartwarming: When Ben Fogle asked everybody to sing Happy Birthday to the queen the nation came together to tell him to fuck off — James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 16, 2020
Posh people are weird. — 🏳🌈 Max 🏳🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) April 16, 2020
… but we liked David Baddiel’s best (well, this and the Norwich Uni guy, if we’re totally honest).
See you next Tuesday. https://t.co/cJozcYFOFp — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) April 16, 2020
Boom.
READ MORE
Some advice and clarification from Ben Fogle
Source @baddiel


thepoke--2020-04-16--This special effects guy made a coronavirus mask and, well, just look at it

There ’ s been no shortage of memorable Covid-19 masks – add that to the list of phrases we never @ @ @ @ @ – but this one is surely the winner .
‘ A special effects artist made @ @ @ @ @ pandemic and i can ’ t get over it , ’ writes u/GallowBoob over on @ @ @ @ @ few of the things people said about it .
‘ Imagine being high on a @ @ @ @ @ seeing this.
’ coffin_nails_ ‘ Everyone lives , Rose !
Just this once , everybody @ @ @ @ @ Ahhhh .
Came for the Doctor references and was not disappointed !
’ MaybeDressageQueen ‘ @ @ @ @ @ ’ Shouia Here ’ s another homemade mask that went viral on Reddit .
Simpler @ @ @ @ @ Homemade Anti-coronavirus Mask of the Week ( not this week , another week )

Pics
There’s been no shortage of memorable Covid-19 masks – add that to the list of phrases we never thought we’d write – but this one is surely the winner.
‘A special effects artist made himself a mask for the pandemic and i can’t get over it,’ writes u/GallowBoob over on Reddit.
And just a few of the things people said about it.
‘Imagine being high on a late night munchy run and seeing this.’ coffin_nails_ ‘Everyone lives, Rose! Just this once, everybody lives!’ Dogcheese04 ‘Ahhhh. Came for the Doctor references and was not disappointed!’ MaybeDressageQueen ‘He looking for his mommy.’ Shouia
Here’s another homemade mask that went viral on Reddit. Simpler, but also effective.
(via)
READ MORE
Homemade Anti-coronavirus Mask of the Week (not this week, another week)
Source Reddit u/GallowBoob


thepoke--2020-04-17--Just a rather lovely and clever way of making sure someone finds their lost key

To be filed under ‘ restores your faith in humanity at occasionally testing times ’ comes this , a rather @ @ @ @ @ of making sure someone found their lost their key .
‘ Friend ’ s sister @ @ @ @ @ jogging , someone else made sure she found it , ’ said u/Majestic_Beard over on @ @ @ @ @ her , next time she tries to start the car she ’ ll summon C @ @ @ @ @ of Tøýýœţathöň.
’ windingtime ‘ I have found things in the woods and placed the @ @ @ @ @ with rocks around the object that I believe someone would be looking for .
I @ @ @ @ @ a camera card that I highlighted with a rock circle and the person made a @ @ @ @ @ rocks .
I found a camera and hung it from a limb and made stick @ @ @ @ @ It was gone on my following visit.
’ LurkinLark ‘ I ’ d be psyched @ @ @ @ @ a new camera card too.
’ Brave-Steak

Pics
To be filed under ‘restores your faith in humanity at occasionally testing times’ comes this, a rather lovely and very clever way of making sure someone found their lost their key.
‘Friend’s sister lost her car key while jogging, someone else made sure she found it,’ said u/Majestic_Beard over on Reddit.
No missing that.
‘Jokes on her, next time she tries to start the car she’ll summon C’ŕułłæ the eldritch lord of Tøýýœţathöň.’ windingtime ‘I have found things in the woods and placed the items in highly visible places with rocks around the object that I believe someone would be looking for. I went back shortly after finding a camera card that I highlighted with a rock circle and the person made a rock thumbs up from those rocks. I found a camera and hung it from a limb and made stick arrows pointing at it. It was gone on my following visit.’ LurkinLark ‘I’d be psyched over a new camera and a new camera card too.’ Brave-Steak
Haha.
READ MORE
Lost/Found Cat Of The Day
Source Reddit u/Majestic_Beard


thepoke--2020-04-17--Statistic of the week

Statistic of the week

Seems like an opportune time to dive into this .
Don ’ t ask us how it was calculated , @ @ @ @ @ get by on so few .
But surely no-one is surprised by number one .
@ @ @ @ @ it ’ s measured by weight , so it ’ s not just about quantity @ @ @ @ @ ’ s around this point we decided we didn ’ t want to think about @ @ @ @ @ sharing the worst bathrooms they ’ ve ever seen and these 17 are truly terrible

Pics
Seems like an opportune time to dive into this.
Don’t ask us how it was calculated, or how Brazil manages to get by on so few. But surely no-one is surprised by number one.
As you’ll see it’s measured by weight, so it’s not just about quantity, but quality.
It was around this point that we decided we didn’t want to think about it anymore.
READ MORE
People are sharing the worst bathrooms they’ve ever seen and these 17 are truly terrible
Source Reddit u/theimpossiblesalad


thepoke--2020-04-17--Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week

We ’ ve gathered twenty-five funny things that are nothing to do with coronavirus , because we all need a @ @ @ @ @ time .

Twitter
We’ve gathered twenty-five funny things that are nothing to do with coronavirus, because we all need a little oasis from time to time.
Send us any we’ve missed.
1.
Everyone on this website is always like, "Eat the rich," but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it's a problem, hypocrites — G. L. (@ginadivittorio) April 13, 2020
2.
Me: I love pastry
Person on Twitter: I see that you like pastry and that’s fine but also I wondered if you ever knew that pastry was responsible for a murder in 1977 when someone set a sausage roll on fire which caused a fatality so you’re basically condoning murder here’s a link — Lia Louis (@LisforLia) April 14, 2020
3.
Emmanuel Macron gets ready to scare Fiona Bruce when she turns around. pic.twitter.com/Pchy7l3tUT — Ira Rainey (@IraRainey) April 13, 2020
4.
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall? Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes. Engineer 1: You read my mind. — Cesspool (@of_a_genepool) April 15, 2020
5.
hey @McVities when I fork out my hard earned for a packet of chocolate digestives I don’t expect some quarter choc lad who looks like he’s gonna whip out an acoustic for a quick blast of Wonderwall pic.twitter.com/vjcPgVft48 — BRYN_BORANGA (@BRYN_BORANGA) April 16, 2020
6.
7.
WARNING. DO NOT EMPLOY THIS WELDER. HAD NO CLUE WHAT HE WAS DOING AND HE’S REALLY FUCKED UP MY STOVE PIPE. pic.twitter.com/0bXpmffcbz — Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) April 11, 2020
8.
I can't afford a Peloton account so I put the back wheel of my bike up on 2 bricks & got my 9yr old son to shout
"PEDDLE FASTER, YOU USELESS CUNT" at me — joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 13, 2020
9.
mood: a cow made a noise in the past — Hugo Boss (@joelycett) April 13, 2020
10.
I don’t think I can keep up with both whatsapp, and a baby. Which is such a shame because I’m really going to miss my baby. — Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) April 13, 2020
11.
12.


thepoke--2020-04-17--Facepalm of the day

Facepalm of the day

Over on Reddit lots of people have been busy answering the question ‘ What ’ s the craziest reason you @ @ @ @ @ ’ but really there was only one answer in town .
Although someone said maybe @ @ @ @ @ .
This tale was pretty good too , although didn ’ t count as a @ @ @ @ @ a boss who interviewed a girl , at the end I asked what he thought @ @ @ @ @ “ it was good until the end where she hugged me .
Then she bit @ @ @ @ @ She didn ’ t get the job.
’ AspectOvGlass Simply 19 hilarious reasons people gave @ @ @ @ @ single

Weird World
Over on Reddit lots of people have been busy answering the question ‘What’s the craziest reason you had to fire someone?’ but really there was only one answer in town.
Boom.
Although someone said maybe the caller was missing something.
‘You guys got ahold of the car jacker? Did you tell her to give the car back.’ Subject-Definition
This tale was pretty good too, although didn’t count as a sacking.
‘I had a boss who interviewed a girl, at the end I asked what he thought of her and he said “it was good until the end where she hugged me. Then she bit me on the shoulder.” She didn’t get the job.’ AspectOvGlass
READ MORE
Simply 19 hilarious reasons people gave for why they are still single
Source Reddit u/whatthebuzzz


thepoke--2020-04-17--15 funny takes on life in a crisis to fill up some spare time

Last night – at the time of writing – saw the nation clap for carers again .
The best thing @ @ @ @ @ now is to stay home , so here are some funny reactions to the crisis @ @ @ @ @ spent indoors .

Twitter
Last night – at the time of writing – saw the nation clap for carers again. The best thing we can do for them now is to stay home, so here are some funny reactions to the crisis to fill up the time spent indoors.
1.
sorry I wished we could stop talking about brexit — joe (@mutablejoe) April 16, 2020
2.
I’ve realised I have two lockdown looks- RuPaul’s drag race, or Hairy Biker. Absolutely no inbetween. — Emily Atack (@EmAtack) April 15, 2020
3.
For those of you who are thinking of making your own masks, I find an old pair of pants, slightly soiled, works wonders for the social distancing. — David Baddiel (@Baddiel) April 16, 2020
4.
Lockdown for three more weeks, whatever the fuck a week is. — paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) April 16, 2020
5.
The clapping for the NHS is a wonderful thing but, in my road at least, it seems to have become a bit of a pissing contest. It’s gone from clapping to hitting a pan with a spoon to an airhorn to fireworks. I’m half expecting one of my neighbours to launch a missile next week. — Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 16, 2020
6.
A great practical joke is to go up to someone's door, ring the doorbell, then instead of running away, just stand there. — Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 17, 2020
7.
“Minister could you detail exactly when and how the lockdown will end” “Let me just consult my tea leaves you total clown” — Ahir Shah (@AhirShah) April 16, 2020
8.
Now that life is a Muse album, what will Muse sing about? — Holly Brockwell (@holly) April 16, 2020
9.


thepoke--2020-04-17--This is the funniest and most gripping Millionaire moment you’ve (probably) never seen

ITV ’ s winning ‘ coughing Major ’ drama Quiz got everyone talking about Who Wants To Be A Millionaire @ @ @ @ @ lots of memorable moments from the show , but none quite as gripping ( and @ @ @ @ @ , shared by @ TomHourigan on Twitter .
He did it !
And just in @ @ @ @ @ of people , you were wondering … This collection of Millionaire contestants ’ comedy waves @ @ @ @

Videos
There are lots of memorable moments in the history of the show, but surely none quite as gripping (and very funny) as this, shared by @TomHourigan on Twitter.
We’d never seen it before and it’s brilliant.
One final Millionaire memory – without doubt the best Phone a Friend moment in all the years of the UK show#Quiz pic.twitter.com/OjrmEpn8Qw — Tom Hourigan (@TomHourigan) April 15, 2020
He did it!
S.U.P.E.R.B! — David Reece (@DJReece82) April 16, 2020
The words and the spellings he read out bore absolutely no resemblance to each other. Amazed his call a friend got it right. — Kevberto (@kevberto78) April 16, 2020
And just in case, like a lot of people, you were wondering …
For those asking, Colin did play turpitude, got it right and went on to win £125k. But in a weird twist, the producers withheld his prize money after it emerged he had a criminal conviction for driving off from a petrol station without paying £5. He later received his winnings. pic.twitter.com/XB5XfkK7oA — Tom Hourigan (@TomHourigan) April 16, 2020
READ MORE
This collection of Millionaire contestants’ comedy waves really hits the jackpot
Source Twitter @TomHourigan


thepoke--2020-04-17--This London bridge was full of people clapping for carers – only 5 responses you need

‘ Clap for carers ’ has become a bit of a thing for people keen to show their appreciation for @ @ @ @ @ and looking after people at this difficult time .
But this video of a crowded @ @ @ @ @ t the way to do it for reasons which we hope are obvious to you @ @ @ @ @ .
And it wins facepalm of the week , the month , and probably the @ @ @ @ @ s not rule anything out just yet ) .
Here are just some of the @ @ @ @ @ it .
Here ’ s what a doctor who works at the nearby hospital had @ @ @ @ @ Oh go on , and this .
This special effects guy made a coronavirus mask @ @ @ @ @ look at it

Twitter
‘Clap for carers’ has become a bit of a thing for people keen to show their appreciation for everyone working in the NHS and looking after people at this difficult time.
But this video of a crowded Westminster Bridge really isn’t the way to do it for reasons which we hope are obvious to you, if not to them.
And it wins facepalm of the week, the month, and probably the year (but let’s not rule anything out just yet). Here are just some of the things people were saying about it.
1.
Goodness me. The lack of social distancing while people clap for carers is like thanking the people who have to wipe your backside by monumentally crapping yourself https://t.co/TCqy6JU2po — Omid Djalili (@omid9) April 17, 2020
2.
https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1251039925409058816?s=20
3.
Clapping for the NHS but spreading the one thing that’s stressing them out while breaking the one rule they’ve asked you to abide by, bloody geniuses👏🏾. — chelsea (@_chelsea_kr) April 16, 2020
4.
Doctors & nurses:
Please keep your distance Public:
Meet on Westminster bridge for a big NHS claperoo Doctors & nurses:
Please- Public:
Rugby scrum for the NHS Doctors & nurses:
No, I beg you Public:
Show your appreciation for care workers by spitting in a strangers mouth — James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 17, 2020
5.
That time Cillian Murphy was sensible about social distancing on Westminster Bridge pic.twitter.com/M8NdWqsCbm — Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) April 17, 2020
Here’s what the doctor who posted the video and works at the nearby hospital had to say about it.
I’m a doctor working at the hospital that’s right there. And yes, I was also somewhat perplexed by the lack of social distancing… — Damir Rafi (@d_rafi1) April 16, 2020
In general, these are my views about all this…from a facebook post I wrote a week or so ago: pic.twitter.com/jtknOYqen1 — Damir Rafi (@d_rafi1) April 16, 2020
Just, basically, this.
This is a baffling scene, truly baffling https://t.co/294q5nF3Fi — The Blindboy Podcast (@Rubberbandits) April 17, 2020
And this.
We’ve had a pandemic of fucking idiocy in this country for decades https://t.co/4rDqPCk9eo — Andy Dawson (@profanityswan) April 17, 2020
Oh go on then, and this.
https://twitter.com/SpillerOfTea/status/1251044805691478016?s=20
READ MORE
This special effects guy made a coronavirus mask and, well, just look at it
Source @d_rafi1


thepoke--2020-04-17--People can hardly believe this TV show about a fake arm exists because – well, see for yourself

Award-winning director Sam Raimi is known for The Evil Dead , Army of Darkness , Spider-Man and more , but @ @ @ @ @ t a film but a web series , “ 50 States of Fright ” .
@ @ @ @ @ folk tales – one from each state of America .
One in particular has got @ @ @ @ @ eyes , checking it on IMDB and then talking some more .
It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ so the dark humour is probably deliberate , but it still gave Twitter users a @ @ @ @ @ the piss .
We can ’ t help noticing that Rachel Brosnahan coughed onto that @ @ @ @ @ cleaned it with soap and water afterwards .
This man got a great reply from @ @ @ @ @ show idea .
Or perhaps not .

Twitter
Award-winning director Sam Raimi is known for The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Spider-Man and more, but his latest venture isn’t a film but a web series, “50 States of Fright”.
The show features 50 scary folk tales – one from each state of America. One in particular has got people talking, rubbing their eyes, checking it on IMDB and then talking some more.
Losing my fucking MIND at this Quibi show where actual Emmy winner Rachel Brosnahan plays a woman obsessed with her golden arm pic.twitter.com/rSfqCv75SG — Zach Raffio (@zachraffio) April 15, 2020
It’s a Sam Raimi show, so the dark humour is probably deliberate, but it still gave Twitter users a solid gold opportunity to take the piss.
this was worth the literal billion dollars they raised to launch quibi https://t.co/OQ3QkgP2vc — Max Tani (@maxwelltani) April 15, 2020
this is the most 30 Rock fake show i have ever seen — Jeremy Kaplowitz (@jeremysmiles) April 15, 2020
you'll get my golden arm when you pry it from my cold dead other arm — Cullen Crawford (@HelloCullen) April 15, 2020
Season two of Gayme Show please have contestants beg to be buried with their golden arm — Natalie Walker (@nwalks) April 15, 2020
We can’t help noticing that Rachel Brosnahan coughed onto that arm. We hope she cleaned it with soap and water afterwards.
READ MORE
This man got a great reply from Netflix after submitting his TV show idea. Or perhaps not.
Source Zach Raffio Image AV Club


thepoke--2020-04-17--Fox News had some “accidentally honest” chyrons and Trump’s not going to like it

After CNN posted chyrons detailing Donald Trump ‘ s outburst at the Covid-19 briefing , it looks as though it @ @ @ @ @ a trend .
We ’ d never have expected to see Fox News do this @ @ @ @ @ s going to get a talking to – or a tweeting at .

Pics
After CNN posted chyrons detailing Donald Trump‘s outburst at the Covid-19 briefing, it looks as though it’s become something of a trend.
We’d never have expected to see Fox News do this, though.
‘Fox News is motherpucking killing it with the Chyrons today,’ said @KevinlyFather on Twitter.
And he wasn’t kidding.
And yes, they’re all real.
Fox chyron writer keeps mistaking colons for commas. pic.twitter.com/BfSshQUwvS — Eric Columbus (@EricColumbus) April 16, 2020
Somebody’s going to get a talking to – or a tweeting at.
OH MY GOD 😂 Fox chyron writer…welcome to the resistance. — Blossom Culp (@Rbrbndgrl) April 14, 2020
READ MORE
CNN’s chyron writer was brutally honest about Trump’s briefing meltdown
Source @KevinlyFather Image @KevinlyFather


thepoke--2020-04-17--‘This book of Russian proverbs from 1960 is absolutely sending me’

We ’ re grateful to Alina Pleskova – @ nahhhlina on Twitter – for highlighting these fabulous Russian proverbs on @ @ @ @ @ of Russian proverbs from 1960 is absolutely sending me , ’ she said .
And @ @ @ @ @ only one .
And just some of the things people were saying about them .
@ @ @ @ @ there … And because lots of people were wondering Asked to finish these famous proverbs @ @ @ @ @ answers were wrong but so very right

Pics
We’re grateful to Alina Pleskova – @nahhhlina on Twitter – for highlighting these fabulous Russian proverbs on Twitter.
‘This book of Russian proverbs from 1960 is absolutely sending me,’ she said. And she wasn’t the only one.
And just some of the things people were saying about them.
brb putting “it’s a stupid mouse that only knows one hole” in my tindie profile forever — alina pleskova (@nahhhlina) April 15, 2020
That is terrible beekeeping advice. — Gary Dunion (@garydunion) April 16, 2020
I wonder how versatile "don't look now, but someone's stealing your potatoes" is in situations that are not potato related. — Sean Kearney (@shoncarknee) April 15, 2020
that’s the beauty of proverbs! the potato is never just a potato — alina pleskova (@nahhhlina) April 15, 2020
For the completists’ out there …
cover also rules / bummed they didn’t include original cyrillic in it tho pic.twitter.com/NZGibidLVo — alina pleskova (@nahhhlina) April 15, 2020
And because lots of people were wondering
Are they real proverbs, or just sayings invented by a western author that play on Russian stereotypes and/or "sound good" with a Russian accent? — Maggie David P. K. Haynes (@vidthekid) April 16, 2020
both, tbh. i’ve read some in here that my family (we’re from moscow) definitely have used tho they’re badly translated. but then, here’s how the goofy intro goes: pic.twitter.com/wWL9zLP6Vz — alina pleskova (@nahhhlina) April 16, 2020
READ MORE
Asked to finish these famous proverbs, this kid’s answers were wrong but so very right
Source Twitter @nahhhlina


thepoke--2020-04-17--The crazy story of the 1904 Olympics marathon went viral because it’s straight out of a Wes Anderson

The crazy story of the 1904 Olympics marathon went viral because it’s straight out of a Wes Anderson film

Over on Reddit people were busy answering the question ‘ What sounds like fiction but is actually a real historical @ @ @ @ @ was really only one answer in town , helpfully highlighted by @ SailorHannibal on Twitter @ @ @ @ @ , madly viral .
‘ This sounds like a fucking Wes Anderson movie , ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s not kidding .
And just in case you were wondering …

Weird World
Over on Reddit people were busy answering the question ‘What sounds like fiction but is actually a real historical event?’
And there was really only one answer in town, helpfully highlighted by @SailorHannibal on Twitter, and it went viral, madly viral.
‘This sounds like a fucking Wes Anderson movie,’ said @SailorHannibal. He’s not kidding.
Cast it now!
EVERY SENTENCE GOT WILDER AND WILDER — still new to thinking am sorry (@glowtoads) April 14, 2020
Wes Anderson would make a great adaptation especially with the South Africans and the Russians arriving a week late. — Bellandora (@Bellandora) April 14, 2020
The russians should be like the post credits scene for sure. — 🐗Adam from Tw!tter🐗 (@Adamagain1) April 15, 2020
And just in case you were wondering …
if anyone is doubting how truth can be sometimes stranger than fiction have a good read from a source 😂https://t.co/FQ6U8fP7WE — Canadian Idiot is Stressed (@SailorHannibal) April 15, 2020
READ MORE
Play Wes Anderson Bingo
Source @SailorHannibal