glossynews--2020-04-14--Trump Names Jared and Ivanka Ventilator Co-Czars

Washington , DC ( AP ) At yesterday ’ s White House press briefing President Trump made the stunning announcement that his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner , by Executive Order # 1001 , will assume the newly created positions of Ventilator co-Czars .
The action was spurred by the President ’ s purported dissatisfaction with the projected ventilator estimates recently made public by the General Motors-Ventec collaborative “ crash ” production program .
The president accused the companies of dragging their feet and incompetence and suggested that greed and profitability , underlying the push to obtain “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He went on to astutely observe that , “ Always a mess with Mary B ” *… “ It is disgraceful what she is doing !
” Curiously , at the same time his diatribe was airing , health care and business leaders were heaping lavish praise on the Joint Venture for its stellar performance .
Critics argue that Trump ’ s rant is just another page out to his ( actually Goebbell ’ s ) “ Bright Shiny Objects ” chapter used to distract the public from the real incompetence and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at the door of the Oval Office .
So , consistent with Herr Goebbell ’ s ( a person he reveres almost as much as Roy Cohn ) philosophy , in an attempt to further divert and confuse us , he has doubled down and created the Office of Ventilator Management and has appointed his daughter and son-in-law as leaders .
“ These fine individuals are just brilliant and despite the fact that their experience has only been in real estate property development , brand management and breathing—they deeply appreciate the importance of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ souls and eventually their minds to the goal of ensuring every American will have a chance to breathe !
” … “ They told me that one of their first actions will be to distribute to every man , woman and child holding a US Passport ( heh !
heh ! )
a Smart Watch—you know the ones that remind you breathe !
Now you tell me if that isn ’ t just a fantastic idea !
” His statement was followed by raucous applause from White House aides in attendance , led @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Conjob .
Afterwards , was queried about her unbridled enthusiasm she said , “ Two words—Nobel Prize !
” Her husband George T. Conway III , when later asked about his wife ’ s Nobel Prize comment he responded , “ Two Words—For Narcissism.
” The mandate of the new office is quite extensive in that it requires all existing Health Care Agency personnel ( e.g.
, CDC , Surgeon General , FDA , Dr. Fauci , etc . )
to directly report to the co-Czars .
When asked about his reaction to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the Kushners to function competently in light of this extremely complex and important challenge , Vice President Pence said , “ Ivanka , Jared and I have had many , many long discussions on the Philosophy of Science and they have always shown a deep interest and grasp of such breathing related issues as sinus congestion , snoring , sleep Apnia , CPR and sneezing—to name a few .
The President has made an excellent choice and I promise you their performance will be breathless— ‘ har-har ’ pun intended !
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ school counsellor Ms. Dorcas Jankowski when asked to comment said , “ Pence really said that ?
Geesh !
Truth be known Jared really sucked at biology , chemistry , physics and astronomy .
Er !
did I leave any out ?
God help us if we have to put up with him blindly carrying out President Whackjob ’ s orders .
Maybe Ivanka could carry him , but I ’ m not familiar with her academic background .
However , I am certain of one thing–that expertise in marketing would not be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the University of Pennsylvania reinforced Jankowski ’ s observation in that it revealed that Ivanka was equally mediocre in science and was able to avoid most of the science curriculum requirements by somehow convincing her Dean ( of course with Daddy ’ s “ help ” ) that Phys-Ed courses were really studies in Applied Bio-Mechanics , for which she should be given science credits .
It also does not bode well that after crashing a recent COVID19 press briefing that Kushner ’ s lacklustre presence there merited the Huffington Post referring to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ One wag suggested a more appropriate appellation would be the “ Clown Blintz ” given that Jared is about as animated , smart and insipid as the aforementioned pastry .
In a related development , an unexpected show of support for Ivanka was issued in a statement by the National Organization for Women ( NOW ) , The President ’ s idea of a co-Czarship is just another example of his outrageous misogynistic behavior .
Everyone knows that Ivanka is a million times smarter than her nincompoop husband ( which is not saying @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she has been marginalized by her father ( as he does with all women ) by placing her on an equal footing with a moron .
So , forget co-Czar , it should be Czarina Ivanka and Rodentski** Jared !
You go girl !
On Capitol hill the usually unctuous , “ Trumpportive ” Senator Lindsey Graham commented , “ Thiza justa ‘ nother zample offa marvelus Presidant takin da bull by da horns !
But , hey I got ta tell ya iffa we hadda brung dis ting up to da Senate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ditch da liddle , gizzard-necked Yahooty .
*** Meanwhile , aides said the President called Lou Dobbs and told him to expect another autographed Dow Jones graphic soon , because “ this is really going to breathe life into the markets !
” **** ****No way was this intended !
The President actually thinks that “ pun ” is a German term describing a woman ’ s erogenous zone ( as in “ … I just grab them by the pun ” ) .
He learned this from his immigrant grandfather .

Washington, DC (AP) At yesterday’s White House press briefing President Trump made the stunning announcement that his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner, by Executive Order # 1001, will assume the newly created positions of Ventilator co-Czars. The action was spurred by the President’s purported dissatisfaction with the projected ventilator estimates recently made public by the General Motors-Ventec collaborative “crash” production program. The president accused the companies of dragging their feet and incompetence and suggested that greed and profitability, underlying the push to obtain “top dollar,” were the cause. He went on to astutely observe that, “Always a mess with Mary B”*… “It is disgraceful what she is doing!” Curiously, at the same time his diatribe was airing, health care and business leaders were heaping lavish praise on the Joint Venture for its stellar performance. Critics argue that Trump’s rant is just another page out to his (actually Goebbell’s) “Bright Shiny Objects” chapter used to distract the public from the real incompetence and absence of leadership that has been laid at the door of the Oval Office.
So, consistent with Herr Goebbell’s (a person he reveres almost as much as Roy Cohn) philosophy, in an attempt to further divert and confuse us, he has doubled down and created the Office of Ventilator Management and has appointed his daughter and son-in-law as leaders. “These fine individuals are just brilliant and despite the fact that their experience has only been in real estate property development, brand management and breathing—they deeply appreciate the importance of breathing and will commit their heart and souls and eventually their minds to the goal of ensuring every American will have a chance to breathe!” …“They told me that one of their first actions will be to distribute to every man, woman and child holding a US Passport (heh! heh!) a Smart Watch—you know the ones that remind you breathe! Now you tell me if that isn’t just a fantastic idea!” His statement was followed by raucous applause from White House aides in attendance, led by Chief Brown Noser, Kelly Anne Conjob. Afterwards, was queried about her unbridled enthusiasm she said, “Two words—Nobel Prize!” Her husband George T. Conway III, when later asked about his wife’s Nobel Prize comment he responded, “Two Words—For Narcissism.”
The mandate of the new office is quite extensive in that it requires all existing Health Care Agency personnel (e.g., CDC, Surgeon General, FDA, Dr. Fauci, etc.) to directly report to the co-Czars. When asked about his reaction to the “co-Czarship” and the abilities of the Kushners to function competently in light of this extremely complex and important challenge, Vice President Pence said, “Ivanka, Jared and I have had many, many long discussions on the Philosophy of Science and they have always shown a deep interest and grasp of such breathing related issues as sinus congestion, snoring, sleep Apnia, CPR and sneezing—to name a few. The President has made an excellent choice and I promise you their performance will be breathless—‘har-har’ pun intended!” In contrast, Kushner’s high school counsellor Ms. Dorcas Jankowski when asked to comment said, “Pence really said that? Geesh! Truth be known Jared really sucked at biology, chemistry, physics and astronomy. Er! did I leave any out? God help us if we have to put up with him blindly carrying out President Whackjob’s orders. Maybe Ivanka could carry him, but I’m not familiar with her academic background. However, I am certain of one thing–that expertise in marketing would not be very helpful.” A leaked transcript from the University of Pennsylvania reinforced Jankowski’s observation in that it revealed that Ivanka was equally mediocre in science and was able to avoid most of the science curriculum requirements by somehow convincing her Dean (of course with Daddy’s “help”) that Phys-Ed courses were really studies in Applied Bio-Mechanics, for which she should be given science credits. It also does not bode well that after crashing a recent COVID19 press briefing that Kushner’s lacklustre presence there merited the Huffington Post referring to him as the “Clown Prince.” One wag suggested a more appropriate appellation would be the “Clown Blintz” given that Jared is about as animated, smart and insipid as the aforementioned pastry. In a related development, an unexpected show of support for Ivanka was issued in a statement by the National Organization for Women (NOW),
The President’s idea of a co-Czarship is just another example of his outrageous misogynistic behavior. Everyone knows that Ivanka is a million times smarter than her nincompoop husband (which is not saying a lot, mind you) yet she has been marginalized by her father (as he does with all women) by placing her on an equal footing with a moron. So, forget co-Czar, it should be Czarina Ivanka and Rodentski** Jared! You go girl!
On Capitol hill the usually unctuous, “Trumpportive” Senator Lindsey Graham commented, “Thiza justa ‘nother zample offa marvelus Presidant takin da bull by da horns! But, hey I gotta tell ya iffa we hadda brung dis ting up to da Senate fluur furra vote, he wuldda hadda ditch da liddle, gizzard-necked Yahooty.*** Meanwhile, aides said the President called Lou Dobbs and told him to expect another autographed Dow Jones graphic soon, because “this is really going to breathe life into the markets!”****
*Mary B. is Mary Barra, President of GM.
**Means Gopher in Russian.
***An affectionate South Carolinian Redneck term meaning Jewboy.
****No way was this intended! The President actually thinks that “pun” is a German term describing a woman’s erogenous zone (as in “… I just grab them by the pun”). He learned this from his immigrant grandfather.


glossynews--2020-04-13--Donald Rumsfeld Emerges from Underground Lair asking, “Am I no longer the most evil Donald?”

Suspected reptillian and confirmed demon Donald Rumsfeld , the gleeful architect of no fewer than all deaths in the Middle East ( 2001-2009 ) permitted the light of day to wash across his face in a rare instance of seeming mortality Wednesday .
“ Wait , ” garbled Rumsfeld , through a roiling bluster of what reporters charitably assume were the bones of rabbits , chickens , and assorted lost and beloved pets , “ I ’ m not the most evil Donald who has ever strode this forsaken land ?
” Secretary Rumsfeld had taken a sabbatical to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and thanks to T-Mobile ’ s coverage plan of “ absolute shit ” he was unable to keep in contact with the surface .
“ What sort of tom-fookery is this ?
” roared the Rums-beast as fire shot from his loins , presumably due to Chipotle-induced sickness .
Over the following hours , Rumsfeld was briefed on the policies of Donald Trump , as the ground shuttered beneath him .
His displeasure was suspected by reporters on the scene , but there was no definitive confirmation as all who had retained @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pit of hellfire from which he had spawned .
FOX News and OAN correspondentes , unaffected , paraphrased that “ Donald Rumsfeld is pleased and delighted with the direction the country has taken since Trump took office , and is confident that he ’ ll hasten the end of days , in accordance with prophesy.
” Much , much less on this story as it develops .

Suspected reptillian and confirmed demon Donald Rumsfeld, the gleeful architect of no fewer than all deaths in the Middle East (2001-2009) permitted the light of day to wash across his face in a rare instance of seeming mortality Wednesday.
“Wait,” garbled Rumsfeld, through a roiling bluster of what reporters charitably assume were the bones of rabbits, chickens, and assorted lost and beloved pets, “I’m not the most evil Donald who has ever strode this forsaken land?”
Secretary Rumsfeld had taken a sabbatical to the underworld to visit family some years back, and thanks to T-Mobile’s coverage plan of “absolute shit” he was unable to keep in contact with the surface.
“What sort of tom-fookery is this?” roared the Rums-beast as fire shot from his loins, presumably due to Chipotle-induced sickness.
Over the following hours, Rumsfeld was briefed on the policies of Donald Trump, as the ground shuttered beneath him.
His displeasure was suspected by reporters on the scene, but there was no definitive confirmation as all who had retained their mortal souls were devoured into the pit of hellfire from which he had spawned.
FOX News and OAN correspondentes, unaffected, paraphrased that “Donald Rumsfeld is pleased and delighted with the direction the country has taken since Trump took office, and is confident that he’ll hasten the end of days, in accordance with prophesy.”
Much, much less on this story as it develops.


glossynews--2020-04-06--Trump orders Barr to Investigate Mother Nature for Insider Trading

Washington , DC ( AP ) .
In a bold show of insane “ kaka ” the President last week conveyed to his favourite Fox news slime—Lou Dobbs ( aka LouDo ) —an autographed exhibit showing a 1900 point gain in the Dow Jones Index .
Apparently , he was suggesting that this remarkable performance was made possible because of his magnificent management of the Coronavirus 19 , “ non-problem !
” The next day in response to the latest CDC data and to the President ’ s kaka the Dow dropped 2500 points .
This resulted in the publication @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s handling of the Coronavirus 19 and observations about the similarity of these actions to those of his on the environment .
The upshot of this reporting was that it is perilous to ignore the powers of Mother Nature and to continue to do so would countenance even greater financial consequences in the future .
Rather than sending another autographed graph to LouDo , the President called into his show and ranted about fake news and the disgraceful and illegal market influence of Mother Nature–which culminated in his announcement that an investigation into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be immediately launched by his favorite legal a**-suck Bill Barr .
In response to a befuddled , LouDo follow-up , it became readily apparent that the President was under the impression that Mother Nature was the name of a liberal , Wall Street hedge fund and moreover was convinced that it ’ s insidious actions were largely responsible for the poor performance in the markets .
When asked for further clarification , White House chief Spokes-Prevaricator , Kelly Anne Conjob , said , “ Of course , the President knows that Mother Nature @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she is just a chemical , biological and physical bitch who is responsible for a lot of bad stuff , but insider trading ?
Come on !
Get over it people – it was just a joke on LouDo.
” Usually a slobbering Trump sycophant , an uncharacteristically angry Dobbs responded to this reporter by saying that , “ First I don ’ t like this LouDo crapola one bit .
And second , you can tell Ms. Kelly Anne H**djob for me that the only joke in question here is the moron @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Justice Department has declined to comment on the pending investigation .
However , an unnamed White House source has revealed that the President—being counselled by the ever-brilliant Rudy Giuliani—is doubling down on his belief that Mother Nature is a hedge fund .
The President was overheard to say “ …if Rudy thinks it ’ s a hedge fund , then it ’ s a f**king hedge fund.
” The source also said the President is playing to his perceived legal acumen by testing the viability of a possible class action lawsuit representing his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ someone you know is a member of his base or are simply an unaffiliated , ignorant bigot that wishes to participate in the President ’ s lawsuit , the number to call is1-800-SUE-4MOI .

Trump orders Barr to Investigate Mother Nature for Insider Trading
Washington, DC (AP). In a bold show of insane “kaka” the President last week conveyed to his favourite Fox news slime—Lou Dobbs (aka LouDo)—an autographed exhibit showing a 1900 point gain in the Dow Jones Index. Apparently, he was suggesting that this remarkable performance was made possible because of his magnificent management of the Coronavirus 19, “non-problem!”
The next day in response to the latest CDC data and to the President’s kaka the Dow dropped 2500 points. This resulted in the publication of numerous articles critical of President’s handling of the Coronavirus 19 and observations about the similarity of these actions to those of his on the environment. The upshot of this reporting was that it is perilous to ignore the powers of Mother Nature and to continue to do so would countenance even greater financial consequences in the future. Rather than sending another autographed graph to LouDo, the President called into his show and ranted about fake news and the disgraceful and illegal market influence of Mother Nature–which culminated in his announcement that an investigation into Mother Nature’s insider trading would be immediately launched by his favorite legal a**-suck Bill Barr.
In response to a befuddled, LouDo follow-up, it became readily apparent that the President was under the impression that Mother Nature was the name of a liberal, Wall Street hedge fund and moreover was convinced that it’s insidious actions were largely responsible for the poor performance in the markets. When asked for further clarification, White House chief Spokes-Prevaricator, Kelly Anne Conjob, said, “Of course, the President knows that Mother Nature is not a hedge fund and that she is just a chemical, biological and physical bitch who is responsible for a lot of bad stuff, but insider trading? Come on! Get over it people – it was just a joke on LouDo.” Usually a slobbering Trump sycophant, an uncharacteristically angry Dobbs responded to this reporter by saying that, “First I don’t like this LouDo crapola one bit. And second, you can tell Ms. Kelly Anne H**djob for me that the only joke in question here is the moron she works for.”
Meanwhile, the Justice Department has declined to comment on the pending investigation. However, an unnamed White House source has revealed that the President—being counselled by the ever-brilliant Rudy Giuliani—is doubling down on his belief that Mother Nature is a hedge fund. The President was overheard to say “…if Rudy thinks it’s a hedge fund, then it’s a f**king hedge fund.” The source also said the President is playing to his perceived legal acumen by testing the viability of a possible class action lawsuit representing his base. Hence, if you or someone you know is a member of his base or are simply an unaffiliated, ignorant bigot that wishes to participate in the President’s lawsuit, the number to call is1-800-SUE-4MOI.


glossynews--2020-04-01--BREAKING NEWS! TRUMP LEARNS CORONAVIRUS ABC’S!”

As everyone knows , President Trump fails to grasp the danger of the coronavirus pandemic because nobody has bothered to explain it to him in ways he ’ ll understand .
Let ’ s listen in to an Oval Office conversation between the president and an anonymous aide who tries to guide the most powerful person on earth through the basics of the crisis .
“ Mr .
President , scientists can predict the number of people the virus will infect.
” “ How ?
Those swampies and their elite science bullshit .
They don ’ t got a gold @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what they call an exponential curve.
” “ A WHAT ?
Owwww !
Goddamn it !
My brain is burning !
” “ Sir , allow me to explain : you know the perfect county Republican Party chairpersons who replaced the deep state so-called experts you fired from the CDC ?
God revealed to our people that every infected person passes the disease to two other persons – “ “ That ’ s fake news !
I am God and nobody told me that shit !
” “ Sir , you are God @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your loyalists with that Divine Truth.
” “ I ’ m sick of that Father son-of-a-bitch getting all the press .
I ’ m going to fire that motherfucker !
” ( Waiting for the thunderbolt to strike ) “ Sir , if we can get back to the pandemic.
” “ Alright , so what ?
One sick loser infects two other losers.
” “ Look at it this way , sir .
Suppose you grab one pussy and , in gratitude , she shares the name of two other girls and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one names two more pussies.
” “ Fuck !
That ’ s four pussies , then eight , then sixteen , then thirty-seven… That ’ s a lot of goddamn pussies !
They ’ ll be lined up around the White House .
Now what about that vaccine bullshit.
” “ Mr .
President , the coronavirus without a vaccine to stop it is like having an open border with Mexico .
Rapists , murderers , and cannibals can pour into America killing and eating our citizens while Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” “ I ’ m going to nail those two cocksuckers.
” “ However , a vaccine will stop the viruses cold like your mighty Trump Wall saves our Glorious Nation from those smelly brown evildoers .
Bless you , President Donald John Trump , for your stupendous genius and mountains of guts .
May I lick the dust off your shoes , sir ?
” “ Naw , today is Attorney General Barr ’ s day .
Sorry .
There ’ s a sign-up sheet on the bulletin board .
We ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for myself next Sunday .
We can probably squeeze you in .
Is that it about the virus ?
I ’ m getting bored.
” “ Yes , Mr. President , just one more thing .
The vaccine won ’ t be ready for a year .
It ’ s like the Democrats , who throw feces and urine at our warfighters .
hold up funding for your beautiful wall .
Meanwhile , MS-13 thugs with tattoos of Chuck Schumer on their faces will continue to slaughter and defile our precious white women @ @ @ @ @ @ @ That ’ s disgraceful .
Hannity said these brown turds eat our sweet little white children , too .
Strip them and eat them raw .
Millions of them .
It ’ s disgusting .
Tell the Border Patrol to mow down all those filthy migrants .
Kill them all .
Fuck the Constitution .
By the way , when do I tee off ?
” “ Clear the course of those fucking reporters .
Use the flamethrower.
” “ I ’ ve been thinking : I ’ ve been good to God @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Work that into the campaign .
Oh , yeah , tell Ivanka I ’ m free tonight .
”

As everyone knows, President Trump fails to grasp the danger of the coronavirus pandemic because nobody has bothered to explain it to him in ways he’ll understand.
Let’s listen in to an Oval Office conversation between the president and an anonymous aide who tries to guide the most powerful person on earth through the basics of the crisis.
“Mr. President, scientists can predict the number of people the virus will infect.”
“How? Those swampies and their elite science bullshit. They don’t got a gold gut like me.”
“They use what they call an exponential curve.”
“A WHAT? Owwww! Goddamn it! My brain is burning!”
“Sir, allow me to explain: you know the perfect county Republican Party chairpersons who replaced the deep state so-called experts you fired from the CDC? God revealed to our people that every infected person passes the disease to two other persons – “
“That’s fake news! I am God and nobody told me that shit!”
“Sir, you are God the Son. God the Father blessed your loyalists with that Divine Truth.”
“I’m sick of that Father son-of-a-bitch getting all the press. I’m going to fire that motherfucker!”
(Waiting for the thunderbolt to strike) “Sir, if we can get back to the pandemic.”
“Alright, so what? One sick loser infects two other losers.”
“Look at it this way, sir. Suppose you grab one pussy and, in gratitude, she shares the name of two other girls and you grab their pussies. And each one names two more pussies.”
“Fuck! That’s four pussies, then eight, then sixteen, then thirty-seven… That’s a lot of goddamn pussies! They’ll be lined up around the White House. Now what about that vaccine bullshit.”
“Mr. President, the coronavirus without a vaccine to stop it is like having an open border with Mexico. Rapists, murderers, and cannibals can pour into America killing and eating our citizens while Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi dance naked in the forest with Satan.”
“I’m going to nail those two cocksuckers.”
“However, a vaccine will stop the viruses cold like your mighty Trump Wall saves our Glorious Nation from those smelly brown evildoers. Bless you, President Donald John Trump, for your stupendous genius and mountains of guts. May I lick the dust off your shoes, sir?”
“Naw, today is Attorney General Barr’s day. Sorry. There’s a sign-up sheet on the bulletin board. We’re throwing a mass ass kissing party for myself next Sunday. We can probably squeeze you in. Is that it about the virus? I’m getting bored.”
“Yes, Mr. President, just one more thing. The vaccine won’t be ready for a year. It’s like the Democrats, who throw feces and urine at our warfighters. hold up funding for your beautiful wall. Meanwhile, MS-13 thugs with tattoos of Chuck Schumer on their faces will continue to slaughter and defile our precious white women by the hundreds of thousands.”
“That’s disgraceful. Hannity said these brown turds eat our sweet little white children, too. Strip them and eat them raw. Millions of them. It’s disgusting. Tell the Border Patrol to mow down all those filthy migrants. Kill them all. Fuck the Constitution. By the way, when do I tee off?”
“Two-thirty, sir.”
“Clear the course of those fucking reporters. Use the flamethrower.”
“Anything else, Mr. President?”
“I’ve been thinking: I’ve been good to God, haven’t I?”
“Oh, yes, yes, yes!”
“Work that into the campaign. Oh, yeah, tell Ivanka I’m free tonight.”


glossynews--2020-03-29--Super Tuesday Looms Large For Oklahoma

Super Tuesday Looms Large For Oklahoma

There are pros and cons to being one of the states that ’ s involved in Super Tuesday .
The pros are largely the fact that you can have a major impact on who ends up running the country – or even stands a chance of running the country .
Whoever comes out of Super Tuesday riding high will probably go on to secure the nomination for their respective party .
Those who finish further down the pecking order will probably be writing speeches to announce the end of their campaign shortly after the results come in .
One of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ state is that it feels like the world ’ s media lands on your doorstep and wants to know your political opinion .
Natives of Oklahoma are used to that feeling , and now it ’ s here again .
Even though it feels like the last Presidential election was only moments ago – possibly because the Democrats have never stopped trying to undo it since – the country will soon be going to the polls again , and Oklahoma is one of the states that will play kingmaker ( or possibly queenmaker @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fact that Trump will be the Republican candidate isn ’ t at question .
The Democratic field is far more difficult to call .
We get the impression that Michael Bloomberg expected this whole process to be a lot easier than it ’ s been so far .
Like Trump , he ’ s financing his campaign with his own money , and he expected to be able to buy in , lean on his experience and his political track record , and cut to the front of the line ahead of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ exactly worked out for him that way .
He ’ s disliked by the left wing of the Democrats and viewed as a lightweight version of Trump by the right .
As has been noted by several parties , he struggles to come across as likable and has struggled even harder to explain why he ’ s made so many women sign non-disclosure agreements about comments he ’ s made in the past .
This isn ’ t to say that Bloomberg is out of the running just yet .
In what may @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who ’ s spent his whole political career so opposed to casinos , the face for the Democratic nomination is like a political game of online slots .
None of the games on an online slots website are guaranteed to behave a certain way on a certain day , and there ’ s no way of knowing what any of them will do until you put money into them .
The most innocuous bet can turn out to be a winner on UKOnlineSlots , and the biggest bet could turn out to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of dollars of his own money into placing his wager , but it hasn ’ t boosted his odds of victory .
Nothing is predictable in online slots , and nothing is predictable in politics either .
Bloomberg knows how important Oklahoma is for his prospects of winning the nomination .
It ’ s why he ’ s visited the Sooner State three times in the past five weeks , and it ’ s why he was back again last Thursday , just five days before Super Tuesday .
That ’ s more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the state .
He has three Oklahoma offices and more than twenty permanent members of staff employed in the state .
He ’ s very keen for the people of Oklahoma to believe that he cares passionately about their issues , and his rallies have been well attended .
It may even be possible that he ’ s liked in Oklahoma more than he ’ s liked at any of the other states that have voted so far , but it ’ s far from clear that he has more support than @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hard to explain , and seemingly even harder to vote .
He ’ s the polar opposite of Donald Trump , and that might be why so many Democrats have given him their vote .
Trump is such a polarizing candidate that those who want to see him taken down have joined the camp of someone who ’ s equally polarizing from the opposite end .
Sanders is disliked by Trump voters just as much as Trump is disliked by Sanders voters .
If , as seems highly likely at the moment , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , we ’ re likely to see the most bitter , divisive American election in generations .
It will make the battle between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton look like a playground spat .
Is anybody else still in the running , and if so , is Oklahoma likely to back them ?
The majority of local polls suggest that Joe Biden may do better in Oklahoma than he ’ s been doing elsewhere on the road , and he needs to .
Coming in anywhere short of second place would probably mean @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is also polling well .
Elizabeth Warren is not .
Warren ’ s side is probably anticipating the end of their campaign already , and short of a miraculous turnaround in her fortunes , Super Tuesday will probably be the last day she spends campaigning to be President of the United States of America .
If so , it will be very interesting to see who she throws her weight behind .
Politically she appears to be closer to Sanders than she is to any other candidate , but her party will push @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who is their preferred candidate in all but name .
No matter how long each Democratic candidate spends in Oklahoma and who they manage to charm while they ’ re here , it likely won ’ t count for much even if they do go on to win the nomination .
Oklahoma is a staunchly Republican state and has been since 1964 .
There ’ s nothing to indicate that there ’ s been a change of heart in Oklahoma , and the current President continues to poll well in the state @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Oklahoma may indeed play a pivotal role in determining who the next Democratic candidate is – and could crown or inconvenience Bernie Sanders – but when the most important voting day of all arrives , it will remain fiercely red .
In the meantime , if you ’ re inconvenienced by cameras and microphones between now and Tuesday , try to wear them with good grace .
Remember this only happens once every four years .
They ’ ll all be gone again very soon .

There are pros and cons to being one of the states that’s involved in Super Tuesday. The pros are largely the fact that you can have a major impact on who ends up running the country – or even stands a chance of running the country.
Whoever comes out of Super Tuesday riding high will probably go on to secure the nomination for their respective party. Those who finish further down the pecking order will probably be writing speeches to announce the end of their campaign shortly after the results come in.
One of the negatives of being a Super Tuesday state is that it feels like the world’s media lands on your doorstep and wants to know your political opinion. Natives of Oklahoma are used to that feeling, and now it’s here again. Even though it feels like the last Presidential election was only moments ago – possibly because the Democrats have never stopped trying to undo it since – the country will soon be going to the polls again, and Oklahoma is one of the states that will play kingmaker (or possibly queenmaker) to the Democratic nominee. The fact that Trump will be the Republican candidate isn’t at question. The Democratic field is far more difficult to call.
We get the impression that Michael Bloomberg expected this whole process to be a lot easier than it’s been so far. Like Trump, he’s financing his campaign with his own money, and he expected to be able to buy in, lean on his experience and his political track record, and cut to the front of the line ahead of the previously-established candidates. It hasn’t exactly worked out for him that way. He’s disliked by the left wing of the Democrats and viewed as a lightweight version of Trump by the right. As has been noted by several parties, he struggles to come across as likable and has struggled even harder to explain why he’s made so many women sign non-disclosure agreements about comments he’s made in the past.
This isn’t to say that Bloomberg is out of the running just yet. In what may be a fitting metaphor for a man who’s spent his whole political career so opposed to casinos, the face for the Democratic nomination is like a political game of online slots. None of the games on an online slots website are guaranteed to behave a certain way on a certain day, and there’s no way of knowing what any of them will do until you put money into them. The most innocuous bet can turn out to be a winner on UKOnlineSlots, and the biggest bet could turn out to be a loser. Bloomberg has sunk millions of dollars of his own money into placing his wager, but it hasn’t boosted his odds of victory. Nothing is predictable in online slots, and nothing is predictable in politics either.
Bloomberg knows how important Oklahoma is for his prospects of winning the nomination. It’s why he’s visited the Sooner State three times in the past five weeks, and it’s why he was back again last Thursday, just five days before Super Tuesday. That’s more time than any other candidate has spent in the state. He has three Oklahoma offices and more than twenty permanent members of staff employed in the state. He’s very keen for the people of Oklahoma to believe that he cares passionately about their issues, and his rallies have been well attended. It may even be possible that he’s liked in Oklahoma more than he’s liked at any of the other states that have voted so far, but it’s far from clear that he has more support than Bernie Sanders.
The Sanders vote is hard to explain, and seemingly even harder to vote. He’s the polar opposite of Donald Trump, and that might be why so many Democrats have given him their vote. Trump is such a polarizing candidate that those who want to see him taken down have joined the camp of someone who’s equally polarizing from the opposite end. Sanders is disliked by Trump voters just as much as Trump is disliked by Sanders voters. If, as seems highly likely at the moment, Sanders ends up with the Democratic nomination, we’re likely to see the most bitter, divisive American election in generations. It will make the battle between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton look like a playground spat.
Is anybody else still in the running, and if so, is Oklahoma likely to back them? The majority of local polls suggest that Joe Biden may do better in Oklahoma than he’s been doing elsewhere on the road, and he needs to. Coming in anywhere short of second place would probably mean the end of his campaign. Bloomberg is also polling well. Elizabeth Warren is not. Warren’s side is probably anticipating the end of their campaign already, and short of a miraculous turnaround in her fortunes, Super Tuesday will probably be the last day she spends campaigning to be President of the United States of America. If so, it will be very interesting to see who she throws her weight behind. Politically she appears to be closer to Sanders than she is to any other candidate, but her party will push her very hard to stand behind Biden, who is their preferred candidate in all but name.
No matter how long each Democratic candidate spends in Oklahoma and who they manage to charm while they’re here, it likely won’t count for much even if they do go on to win the nomination. Oklahoma is a staunchly Republican state and has been since 1964. There’s nothing to indicate that there’s been a change of heart in Oklahoma, and the current President continues to poll well in the state for all of his struggles elsewhere. Oklahoma may indeed play a pivotal role in determining who the next Democratic candidate is – and could crown or inconvenience Bernie Sanders – but when the most important voting day of all arrives, it will remain fiercely red.
In the meantime, if you’re inconvenienced by cameras and microphones between now and Tuesday, try to wear them with good grace. Remember this only happens once every four years. They’ll all be gone again very soon.


glossynews--2020-03-25--Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

Cause of the pandemic ?
and his tweets went viral .
What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next ?
Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn ’ t dangerous if you get it , he should have himself infected to prove his point .
When Trump talks about matters he knows about , but when he talks about medicine and science , you can take it to the mountebank .
“ What the hell are you doing ?
” No one is more hip than Trump , One day it will be like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he thinks and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them .
The origin of the word is French — they haven ’ t given up .
They ’ re huddled to decide on the next play .
He is indeed uniuqe Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid ; and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant .
Trump is more or less correct .
When Trump heard that people are stocking up What ’ s good for the stock market is good for the nation .
What @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump ?
More women should strive to become models , No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does .
When the primaries are over he wants to be the one left .
To slow the spread of the coronavirus Bottom of the night to you .
Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump .
So why should he be afraid of a virus ?
He knows that “ vir ” means man .
The sanders in the hourglass from getting information of substance .
Don ’ t spread the virus to your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ book hospitals .
He needed to be reminded about that .
He needs to be reminded in general .
Has he ever had a mind ?
Trump couldn ’ t take his own temperature .
That was far too complicated for him to understand .
No need to panic .
and watch the old mill streaming .
would help him with his other problem .
Streaming is becoming obsolete over night .
Everyone is adopting the new video standard .
He complained that wasn ’ t enough .
So God made him a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is ending negativity .
Soon everyone will test positive .
Coping with the threat of coronavirus is like having a baby .
You are likely to end up with When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century she was greeted by And she was surprised to learn that Twettle-dum was President of the United States .
because he heard that the current health crisis at the very beginning .
We ’ re in it because we have no president .
“ Is that when you chop down when the level of lies reaches a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wonder the baseball season was cancelled .
The virus came from bats .
had a smile on his face .
“ What makes you so happy today ?
” asked his caregiver .
“ I now have a reason to live , ” he replied .
“ I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave .
”

184
Cause of the pandemic?
Trump’s reign became toxic
and his tweets went viral.
185
Jail to the chef!
What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next?
186
Suggestion:
Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn’t dangerous if you get it,
he should have himself infected to prove his point.
187
Have faith —
When Trump talks about matters he knows about,
he lies compulsively;
but when he talks about medicine and science,
you can take it to the mountebank.
188
The presidential hopeful flew to Florida
and started climbing palm trees.
A news reporter asked:
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Money matters in elections.
So I’m greasing the palms.”
189
No one is more hip than Trump,
transforming the nation from
democracy
hypocrisy.
190
Trump is a virus.
One day it will be like a miracle.
He will disappear.
191
Ah! No wonder he thinks
he owns this business
and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them.
The origin of the word is French —
par Don
192
Donny Boy,
when thinking about immigration, remember
the huddled masses
aren’t losers;
they haven’t given up.
They’re huddled to decide on the next play.
193
Trump deserves credit.
He is indeed uniuqe
Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid;
and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant.
194
Trump is more or less correct.
The more-on
learns no less-ons.
195
When Trump heard that people are stocking up
for the coronavirus,
he was delighted.
What’s good for the stock market is good for the nation.
196
What cartoon character is a role model for Trump?
Tweety Bird.
197
“Fox” in German
is “fuchs.”
In plain English
it’s “fucks.”
198
More women should strive to become models,
like Elizabeth Warren —
role models
199
No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does.
When the primaries are over
he wants to be the one left.
200
To slow the spread of the coronavirus
authors should regularly use linguistic cleansers
and word sanitizers.
201
St. Patrick’s Day greeting for Trump —
Bottom of the night to you.
202
New plan to combat coronavirus —
Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump.
203
Trump took Latin in high school.
So why should he be afraid of a virus?
He knows that “vir” means man.
It’s manly to have a virus.
204
Just biden your time.
The sanders in the hourglass
will flow away.
205
Trump is fighting substance abuse
by preventing the public
from getting information of substance.
206
Please wear surgical gloves when reading.
Don’t spread the virus to your books.
There are limited beds in book hospitals.
207
Symptoms of a pandemic —
Stadiums are closed.
Theaters are closed.
Schools are closed.
Businesses are closed.
Minds are closed.
208
Trump didn’t remember
eliminating the NSC pandemic unit.
He needed to be reminded about that.
He needs to be reminded in general.
Has he ever had a mind?
209
Trump couldn’t take his own temperature.
That was far too complicated for him to understand.
So he called a temp agency.
210
Cool it.
No need to panic.
Relax at home,
and watch the old mill streaming.
211
They finally convinced Trump
to get tested
because the testosterone
would help him with his other problem.
212
Streaming is becoming obsolete over night.
Everyone is adopting the new video standard.
Covid-19 is everywhere.
213
God offered Trump wit.
He complained that wasn’t enough.
So God made him a twit instead.
214
Think positive.
The spread of coronavirus is ending negativity.
Soon everyone will test positive.
215
Coping with the threat of coronavirus
is like having a baby.
You are likely to end up with
stress marks.
216
When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century
she was greeted by
Tweetle-dee and Tweedle-dum.
And she was surprised to learn that
Twettle-dum was President of the United States.
217
Trump banned all pandas
especially performing ones
because he heard that the current health crisis
is a panda mimic.
218
Trump was prophetic —
He washed his hands
of the coronavirus
at the very beginning.
219
This problem is unpresidented —
We’re in it because we have no president.
220
Johnson offered the Great Society.
Trump offers the Great Anxiety.
221
Removal of Trump from office
is elective surgery
that can’t be postponed.
222
“What’s tree-age?” asks Trump.
“Is that when you chop down
all trees over 60 years old?”
223
Product suggestion —
A bull-shit-o-meter.
An add-on for streaming news.
Automatically shuts off the programming
when the level of lies reaches a limit set by the viewer.
224
No wonder the baseball season was cancelled.
The virus came from bats.
225
A ninety-old man with severe depression
had a smile on his face.
“What makes you so happy today?” asked his caregiver.
“I now have a reason to live,” he replied.
“I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave.”


glossynews--2020-01-05--The Fairest Proposition in 2020

The Fairest Proposition in 2020

These mediocre Americans ’ ideas counterfeited from individuals who preceded them or stolen from prostituted images and symbols founded in superstitious beliefs think there is something more than their current dispositions .
They must know they are mere reflections of their immediate environment which they should accept .
How much longer can we possibly indulge in their dissimulated , surface level images they pimp out across digital social platforms ?
Why invest in a class whose transcendental faith largely produces notably lackluster ideas and are grossly without noble intentions ?
My proposition to this middle American class issue as a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we severely tax the core of their foundational beliefs to mitigate and rid them once and for all of their ghastly aspirations .
We should redirect these religious fundamentals towards more reasonable objectives , i.e .
scientific research based on evolutionary , disciplined principles .
This should disparage them from a hope that contrasts with the law of the land .
This proposition is open to other avenues that may be deemed better in defeating these nonsensical , religiots from spreading Christ ’ s resurrection or Mohammad ’ s delirious reverie .
For @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their funds with coercion via the government into the pockets of those doing objectively good for the world at large .
This fair proposition will first be executed by commissioning the government the right to tax the church , tithe , priests and pastors , symbols and text signifying some religious attribute .
This money will then be distributed among elite scientists of reasonably sound mind who will use these funds in projects such as renewable energies , biological enhancements and controlled societal conditions .
The following points will demonstrate how this fair @ @ @ @ @ @ @ manifest in physical forms such as church , religious symbols i.e .
glass panes with Mary the mother of Jesus , Saints , books and other artifacts that resemble religious ideologies .
These physical representations remind their flock to read scripture , unify likeminded individuals and , frankly , disrupt certain ethical arguments in regards to innovations .
If we are to tax these physical manifestations of irrelevant religious ideologies , we could disparage their followers from continuing their traditions in transcendental faith .
A list of proposed tax rates for these manifestations @ @ @ @ @ @ @ suggestions and subject to modification .
The abstract realm that these foundational beliefs are born from are trickier to tax .
As you know , it ’ s impossible at this point in our evolutionary trek to review every thought rendered centered on religious principles .
Our next best steps until we reach this omniscient state through advanced technologies , let us tax the written and audible productions of these thoughts platformed in society via social media outlets .
These civilians may think it ’ s intrusive but realistically it ’ s no @ @ @ @ @ @ @ doing .
The sole difference between the implementation of passively collecting these civilians aka “ users ” data is an action that follows the retrieval of such data .
Adjusting the public perception to this authoritative action should come as no surprise when their “ I pray you feel better ” tweets and “ May God be with all of us ” Facebook posts are charged as taxable entities .
We can embed this regulation in the Terms of Agreement for devices and applications i.e .
iPhones , Facebook , Twitter , computers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ users to agree to these terms will solidify the government ’ s authority to appropriately adjudicate violators of this new law .
Taxing influential leaders of these religious institutions dependent on their sphere of influence should be administered as well .
For example , a pastor ’ s sphere of influence would attract more people with his religious sentiments on social platforms comparatively to one of his church member ’ s digital posts .
Since the pastor would implore the minds of potentially many more followers and onlookers based on how many “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” he accumulates on his feed , he should be charged monetarily more for his detestable activity .
To conclude , our taxation of the manifestation of religious ideologies is one pathway in directing our species towards accepting their dispositions in reality and curtailing their thoughts from tampering into wasteful , pathetic daydreams which inhibits our society ’ s productivity as a whole .
Thus , if we are to progress as a species , we must rid ourselves of the things we now know are killing our ability to perceive objective good @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are your messages to look for : # fairestproposition # 2020 # taxthechurch # fundthefuture # evolve

A satirist is a man whose flesh creeps so at the ugly and the savage and the incongruous aspects of society that he has to express them as brutally and nakedly as possible to get relief. – John Dos Passos
These mediocre Americans’ ideas counterfeited from individuals who preceded them or stolen from prostituted images and symbols founded in superstitious beliefs think there is something more than their current dispositions. They must know they are mere reflections of their immediate environment which they should accept. How much longer can we possibly indulge in their dissimulated, surface level images they pimp out across digital social platforms? Why invest in a class whose transcendental faith largely produces notably lackluster ideas and are grossly without noble intentions?
My proposition to this middle American class issue as a concerned citizen of the woke generation is we severely tax the core of their foundational beliefs to mitigate and rid them once and for all of their ghastly aspirations. We should redirect these religious fundamentals towards more reasonable objectives, i.e. scientific research based on evolutionary, disciplined principles. This should disparage them from a hope that contrasts with the law of the land.
This proposition is open to other avenues that may be deemed better in defeating these nonsensical, religiots from spreading Christ’s resurrection or Mohammad’s delirious reverie. For now, we should focus on reallocating their funds with coercion via the government into the pockets of those doing objectively good for the world at large. This fair proposition will first be executed by commissioning the government the right to tax the church, tithe, priests and pastors, symbols and text signifying some religious attribute. This money will then be distributed among elite scientists of reasonably sound mind who will use these funds in projects such as renewable energies, biological enhancements and controlled societal conditions.
The following points will demonstrate how this fair proposition will be achieved.
Foundational beliefs manifest in physical forms such as church, religious symbols i.e. glass panes with Mary the mother of Jesus, Saints, books and other artifacts that resemble religious ideologies. These physical representations remind their flock to read scripture, unify likeminded individuals and,frankly, disrupt certain ethical arguments in regards to innovations. If we are to tax these physical manifestations of irrelevant religious ideologies, we could disparage their followers from continuing their traditions in transcendental faith. A list of proposed tax rates for these manifestations areas follows:
-Tax 50% gross profit from mosques, churches and temples.
-Tax 80% religious symbols
-Tax 90% religious books and artifacts
***Tax rates are mere suggestions and subject to modification.
The abstract realm that these foundational beliefs are born from are trickier to tax. As you know, it’s impossible at this point in our evolutionary trek to review every thought rendered centered on religious principles. Our next best steps until we reach this omniscient state through advanced technologies, let us tax the written and audible productions of these thoughts platformed in society via social media outlets. These civilians may think it’s intrusive but realistically it’s no more invasive than what the NSA is doing. The sole difference between the implementation of passively collecting these civilians aka “users” data is an action that follows the retrieval of such data. Adjusting the public perception to this authoritative action should come as no surprise when their “I pray you feel better” tweets and “May God be with all of us” Facebook posts are charged as taxable entities.
We can embed this regulation in the Terms of Agreement for devices and applications i.e. iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, computers, etc. Thus the legitimacy for users to agree to these terms will solidify the government’s authority to appropriately adjudicate violators of this new law. Taxing influential leaders of these religious institutions dependent on their sphere of influence should be administered as well. For example, a pastor’s sphere of influence would attract more people with his religious sentiments on social platforms comparatively to one of his church member’s digital posts.
Since the pastor would implore the minds of potentially many more followers and onlookers based on how many “likes, views, loves, etc” he accumulates on his feed, he should be charged monetarily more for his detestable activity. To conclude, our taxation of the manifestation of religious ideologies is one pathway in directing our species towards accepting their dispositions in reality and curtailing their thoughts from tampering into wasteful, pathetic daydreams which inhibits our society’s productivity as a whole. Thus, if we are to progress as a species, we must rid ourselves of the things we now know are killing our ability to perceive objective good for humans as a whole. Here are your messages to look for: #fairestproposition #2020 #taxthechurch #fundthefuture #evolve


glossynews--2020-01-04--AS PROMISED! Jesus Has a Special Reunion Message for Republicans

Hi there it ’ s Jesus , and I have a special reunion message !
The good news is , thanks to the Supreme Court , abortion in America is gon na end !
The bad news is , no more kids are gon na be born anyway , because… Y ’ know , nukes ‘ n ’ stuff .
Kudos for the 6th Commandment effort , but it looks like the bottom block , the 1st commandment went off the reservation while you were sleeping : and you know how Jenga works , right ?
?
?
Look guys @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ALL the commandments were important , not just the ones that suited us at the time .
I ALSO said , if you ’ d forgotten already ( really ?
Yeah , whatever ! )
that you do NOT follow any false gods .
Yes , that includes morons who call themselves the chosen one as a ‘ joke.
’ Do I look happy now ?
I mean sorry guys , you messed up .
I mean , I gotcha !
I HATE abortion as much as you guys do , it ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ religion I brought to you .
But there are some other things that are important too , but I guess you ’ ll have a bit of a chance to reacquaint yourself with those later on .
Oh wait , did I say a ‘ bit of a chance ?
’ But as this is just a bit of a shall we say , ‘ flying visit , ’ I ’ m afraid I can ’ t say much for now .
LATER !
We ’ ll have plenty of time to discuss @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the planet up .
I ’ m no Scott Morrison of course , and the same thing applies in reverse… And I ’ m gon na be pretty non-partisan about it too .
I mean , c ’ mon people !
I said like a MILLION times , if you get everything else wrong , if you rob , lie , blitz your nostrils , destroy your liver , never do a day ’ s honest work in your life , then if nothing else , I repeat NOTHING ELSE , please , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ NOT follow anyone who says the Messiah is on Earth , and not in Heaven !
No false Messiahs ; oh but that ’ s the negotiable bit ?
Sorry , I kinda meant to leave yeah , but maybe now , while we ’ re at it… AND ONLY , AS IT SO TURNS OUT , THE VERY BEGINNING OF IT ALL…

Hi there it’s Jesus, and I have a special reunion message!
The good news is, thanks to the Supreme Court, abortion in America is gonna end!
The bad news is, no more kids are gonna be born anyway, because… Y’know, nukes ‘n’ stuff.
Kudos for the 6th Commandment effort, but it looks like the bottom block, the 1st commandment went off the reservation while you were sleeping: and you know how Jenga works, right???
Look guys, no hard feelings. I said ALL the commandments were important, not just the ones that suited us at the time.
I ALSO said, if you’d forgotten already (really? Yeah, whatever!) that you do NOT follow any false gods.
PERIOD.
Yes, that includes morons who call themselves the chosen one as a ‘joke.’
Who’s laughing now?
Do I look happy now?
I mean sorry guys, you messed up.
BIGLY!
Nope. Not funny!
I mean, I gotcha! I HATE abortion as much as you guys do, it’s kinda a big thing in the religion I brought to you.
But there are some other things that are important too, but I guess you’ll have a bit of a chance to reacquaint yourself with those later on.
Oh wait, did I say a ‘bit of a chance?’
A loooooooong time!
But as this is just a bit of a shall we say, ‘flying visit,’ I’m afraid I can’t say much for now.
LATER! We’ll have plenty of time to discuss things when I’ve finally cleaned the planet up.
I’m no Scott Morrison of course, and the same thing applies in reverse…
And I’m gonna be pretty non-partisan about it too.
I mean, c’mon people! I said like a MILLION times, if you get everything else wrong, if you rob, lie, blitz your nostrils, destroy your liver, never do a day’s honest work in your life, then if nothing else, I repeat NOTHING ELSE, please, PLEASE for the love of God…
Do NOT follow anyone who says the Messiah is on Earth, and not in Heaven!
No false Messiahs; oh but that’s the negotiable bit?
Sorry, I kinda meant to leave yeah, but maybe now, while we’re at it…
BOOM!
THE END
…
AND ONLY, AS IT SO TURNS OUT, THE VERY BEGINNING OF IT ALL…
Become a Patron!


glossynews--2020-01-04--Karmatic Alternatives To Impeachment For You-Know-Who

Here are some possibilities for our Complainer in Chief to pay off his karma debt for throwing the Ukraine to the Russian wolves in not letting them have the military aid that was promised them when they needed it : Being embodied as a soldier at the Ukraine border and having to deal with well financed Russian military equipment being shot at him- like bullets , grenades and mortars .
Having a chunk of his world-wide properties in proportion to the size that Crimea is to Ukraine taken over by a hostile foreign entity , like China or North Korea @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as a Dutch government official having to pick up the body pieces from the Malaysian plane shot down over Ukraine by the Russian militia .
This would be four days after the plane was shot down because of hampering by the Russian soldiers who didn ’ t want them to see what had happened .
Having to live as a Ukrainian citizen in Crimea after the Russians forcibly took over the peninsula and having to deal with new oppressiveness from the new overlords .
Having to live as a farmer who lost his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the most fertile part of what used to belong to Ukraine .
Being one of the 14,000 Ukrainians who have so far been killed in the Ukraine-Russian struggle .
Be one of the people ripped off by greedy former Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych who was a shameless Russian puppet .
Have to live like a Ukrainian still in Donbass under Russian occupation , in a bombarded house held together by duct tape and plastic tarps .
Be one of the citizens of Avdiivka , Ukraine on the border where shells fall indiscriminately at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ citizens of the border areas who is shot by one of the Russian snipers constantly on the lookout for a target .
Become a Ukrainian soldier at the front who has to use second rate military equipment to fight with while being protected by a shoddy bullet proof vest .

Here are some possibilities for our Complainer in Chief to pay off his karma debt for throwing the Ukraine to the Russian wolves in not letting them have the military aid that was promised them when they needed it:
Being embodied as a soldier at the Ukraine border and having to deal with well financed Russian military equipment being shot at him- like bullets, grenades and mortars.
Having a chunk of his world-wide properties in proportion to the size that Crimea is to Ukraine taken over by a hostile foreign entity, like China or North Korea.
Going back in time and serving as a Dutch government official having to pick up the body pieces from the Malaysian plane shot down over Ukraine by the Russian militia. This would be four days after the plane was shot down because of hampering by the Russian soldiers who didn’t want them to see what had happened.
Having to live as a Ukrainian citizen in Crimea after the Russians forcibly took over the peninsula and having to deal with new oppressiveness from the new overlords.
Having to live as a farmer who lost his land to the Russian in Donbass, the most fertile part of what used to belong to Ukraine.
Being one of the 14,000 Ukrainians who have so far been killed in the Ukraine-Russian struggle.
Be one of the people ripped off by greedy former Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych who was a shameless Russian puppet.
Have to live like a Ukrainian still in Donbass under Russian occupation, in a bombarded house held together by duct tape and plastic tarps.
Be one of the citizens of Avdiivka, Ukraine on the border where shells fall indiscriminately at any time.
Be one of the citizens of the border areas who is shot by one of the Russian snipers constantly on the lookout for a target.
Become a Ukrainian soldier at the front who has to use second rate military equipment to fight with while being protected by a shoddy bullet proof vest.


glossynews--2020-01-03--REPUBLICANS: Trump Does NOT Care About Abortion. PERIOD!

Wake up , Republicans and religious people .
Don ’ t take things at face value .
This is bait : you are being bribed .
As evil genius goes , Old Babylon Donald just takes the freaking treacle shovel .
Now THIS is the most masterly in history .
Have a look at the news about the amicus brief , if you haven ’ t already .
Now if you oppose Trump , you are not only said to oppose the ‘ greatest Christian president of the greatest Christian nation in history , ’ but you are now going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ which is pretty much the most insulting and degrading thing to call any religious person ?
Calling a religious person pro abortion is as humiliating as calling them a rapist or an incestuous person , so how on earth are people supposed to answer that kind of dishonest accusation ?
He ’ s just holding out bait to the Church of Babylon , and anyone who refuses the bait is now going to be accused of being an abortionist .
And really just about as evil as it gets .
… And no @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I am by NO stretch of the imagination any kind of wokie or Planned Parenthood shill , and have well under ZERO time for that downright diabolical corporation .
But anyone who is set on sticking around and still supporting Trump is clearly not prepared to stop at various court appointments and decisions that in many cases may well be pretty good in themselves ; instead , they are prepared to keep on following him into the abyss until the very end , like the Pied Piper .
Gandalf was right : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ exist for a reason .
They teach us things that ought not to have been forgotten .
If you want to oppose abortion , then oppose abortion .
But don ’ t kid yourself that even this sacred , non-negotiable cause entails following Trump .
Abortion critics existed long before Trump , and if the world is spared , they will exist long after him too .
But you have one shot at getting this right : don ’ t follow a guy who calls himself the Chosen One .
NB : As @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the writer and are not to be taken as officially representing Glossy News Satire .
Also : more on this topic tomorrow , Saturday !
January 4 .

Wake up, Republicans and religious people. Don’t take things at face value. This is bait: you are being bribed.
As evil genius goes, Old Babylon Donald just takes the freaking treacle shovel. Now THIS is the most masterly in history. Have a look at the news about the amicus brief, if you haven’t already.
Now if you oppose Trump, you are not only said to oppose the ‘greatest Christian president of the greatest Christian nation in history,’ but you are now going to be called pro abortion too, which is pretty much the most insulting and degrading thing to call any religious person?
Calling a religious person pro abortion is as humiliating as calling them a rapist or an incestuous person, so how on earth are people supposed to answer that kind of dishonest accusation?
He’s just holding out bait to the Church of Babylon, and anyone who refuses the bait is now going to be accused of being an abortionist.
Masterful move.
And really just about as evil as it gets.
… And no, before anyone jumps up my arse, I am by NO stretch of the imagination any kind of wokie or Planned Parenthood shill, and have well under ZERO time for that downright diabolical corporation. But anyone who is set on sticking around and still supporting Trump is clearly not prepared to stop at various court appointments and decisions that in many cases may well be pretty good in themselves; instead, they are prepared to keep on following him into the abyss until the very end, like the Pied Piper.
Gandalf was right: ‘old wive’s tales’ exist for a reason.
They teach us things that ought not to have been forgotten.
If you want to oppose abortion, then oppose abortion.
But don’t kid yourself that even this sacred, non-negotiable cause entails following Trump.
Abortion critics existed long before Trump, and if the world is spared, they will exist long after him too.
But you have one shot at getting this right: don’t follow a guy who calls himself the Chosen One.
NB: As always, these are the personal views of the writer and are not to be taken as officially representing Glossy News Satire.
Also: more on this topic tomorrow, Saturday! January 4.
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glossynews--2020-01-03--Trumpisms 4.0: Have We Had Enough Yet?!

Trumpisms 4.0: Have We Had Enough Yet?!

He put it in the oven .
I thought he was a four flusher .
Trump would like to be king so he can have a royal flush .
it will be known as He wanted to be Congress wouldn ’ t play impeachment the way he wanted so he took his ball and went home .
Now Trump wants to annex Poland — That way he ’ ll have more polls than anyone else .
His life was a typo in the history of mankind .
There will never be another like him Have faith , like Brutus , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will impale himself on his own tweet .
he got the 10 Commandments He was worthy of books , even libraries ; and not just imps for best performance in a lie goes to The Three Amigos .
And with a cast of aspersions .
Please somebody publish this joke book soon , before Trump is out of office and in jail And nobody has to think about him again .
Trump , appearing in public without his toupee , claims he is above the law as an endangered species , and as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ED : Thanks again , Richard !
Don ’ t forget instalments One , Two and Three !

93
When Melania gave Donnie a book for Christmas,
He put it in the oven.
He explained,
“I cook all my books.”
94
Trump never ceases to amaze.
10? 15?
I thought he was a four flusher.
95
Trump would like to be king
so he can have a royal flush.
96
When Trump Enterprises goes public
it will be known as
the Laughing Stock.
97
For Halloween
Trump’s youngest son
dressed up as Putin.
He wanted to be
the Red Baron.
99
News release —
Trump resigned.
Congress wouldn’t play impeachment the way he wanted
so he took his ball and went home.
100
Whether report —
Trump’s rain
will end soon.
101
Now Trump wants to annex Poland —
That way he’ll have more polls than anyone else.
102
Trump complained that the
Playboy models were fully clothed —
more fake nudes.
103
Trump’s epitaph —
His life was a typo in the history of mankind.
There will never be another like him
thanks to spell check.
104
Have faith, like Brutus, Trump is an honorable man.
He will impale himself on his own tweet.
105
Trump acts like
he got the 10 Commandments
straight from God,
as his personal to-do list.
106
Christmas greeting —
Peach on Earth.
Good will prevail.
107
Trump scoffed at articles of impeachment.
He was worthy of books, even libraries;
and not just imps
but devils of peachment.
108
Trump is opening a chain of
self-serving restaurants,
specializing in riga-lection,
endorsed by Putin —
“Better fed and red
than dead.”
109
The Donny Award
for best performance in a lie
goes to The Three Amigos.
Written by Putin.
Directed by Trump.
And with a cast of aspersions.
110
Please somebody publish this joke book soon,
before Trump is out of office and in jail
And nobody has to think about him again.
111
News flash —
Trump, appearing in public without his toupee,
claims he is above the law as an endangered species,
and as the symbol of the United States —
the Bald Ego.
112
English conjugation:
drink, drank, drunk
bink, bank, bunk
shit, shat, trump
113
Latest discovery of Copernicus —
the Republican Party revolvers
around the gun.
ED: Thanks again, Richard! Don’t forget instalments One, Two and Three!


glossynews--2020-01-02--OUTRAGE! WEIRDO Bill Barr Claims ‘America No Longer Part of Free World!’

Attorney General William Barr , after a recent fiery speech about the traditional natural law tradition vs recent human rights perspectives , has further shocked his detractors by committing the supreme blasphemy : denying America is the greatest country of the Free World , or indeed that is actually part of the Free World at all !
Initially , Barr had intended to make America great again , as the leader of the Free World .
However , given the vast vested interests he claims to have encountered , Barr has swiftly changed tack , and is now proudly flaunting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nation in the free world to be no longer be free .
According to several day ’ s consultation with the Republican Party mainstream and top DNC Five Eyes lobbyists and sundry unmentionables from Red China on the way forward for America , I found that freedom , although supposedly a highly contested term , is really much simpler than we think , although Hillary and Dick insisted I mention that it ’ s only those ungrateful , primitive savages in Libya , Afghanistan and , wherever the others ones are ( I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ memory ! )
, who just ain ’ t got the memo yet !
Apparently , instead of being pedantic with all this Borked-up judicial activist highfalutin intellectual nonsense ( Chris Christie to thank for that elegant turn of phrase , always the soul of New Jersey aesthetic pretension ! )
, we ought to break it down into something simple that everyone can understand !
And this , believe it or not , was the tough part .
Eventually , we struck a nice bipartisan compromise , and determined that millennia of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and generally pro-American civilizational splendour and/or pioneering intellectual brilliance , had led to not one , but two necessary but not by any means sufficient conditions for freedom !
( Suck on that one , Milton… No not you , the other guy !
FRIEDMAN ! )
Grover Norquist suggested McDonalds as the sole fundamental criterion for liberty ( Lindsey Graham had the temerity to interrupt and insist on Porker King , but I guess we ’ ll work out later how to deal with this boy if he doesn ’ t measure @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , not so sleepy Joe Biden , for reasons that remain to be disclosed , suggested Pornhub , although he quickly walked it back and said he was against Pornhub before he was for it , and when rebuked for this obvious lie , said that all 15 million of his Swiftboat comrades agreed with him , and he should know , because he was there when him and Captain Jack Sparrow tossed Darth Vader and his long-lost godson Daenerys Targaryen into the White Witch ’ s crack o ’ doom in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were unable to impose a purely partisan conclusion upon those present , we agreed that both Pornhub and McDonalds are the sole conditions of a free society .
Finally , both sides felt we were getting somewhere , as most of our allies have both , while places like North Korea , the Islamic Republic of Iran and Myanmar don ’ t .
However , I still wasn ’ t satisfied , as I felt the Democrat Party were getting too big for their boots , and seemed to want to impose their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ on everyone else .
Sensing a very dangerous precedent that risked becoming entrenched in double quick time , I paused for ( not remotely menacing ) effect and said : “ You realise what this means now , don ’ t you ?
” Gasps of horror erupted around the room , as they realised the jig was up .
I went on to tell them that I am all for our world-renowned haute cuisine , falsely labelled ‘ junk food ’ by the mainstream media and other batshit crazy liberal conspiracy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ matter .
Now we know that even before our meeting , I had declared porn a public health crisis .
Now it seemed even more of a public health crisis , with all these backseat judicial activists in the Democrat party trying to make some kind of moral equivalence between McDonald ’ s and Pornhub , a manifest act of disloyalty whereby they likened an all-American corporate legend to some destructive , pernicious , soul-destroying , pointless , overhyped , hideously bloated corporation that is universally despised and loathed for its cynical trafficking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ its degrading , utterly uninspiring and indeed downright repulsive aesthetic of Fordian mass consumption .
I ruthlessly pressed the logic on to its logical conclusion , which if you haven ’ t noticed , is something us legal eggheads enjoy doing the odd time , you know , just for shits and giggles !
Unless of course we ’ ve seen a top witness with dirt on millions of establishment elite figures mysteriously ‘ suicide ’ himself when he was supposed to be on watch 24/7… But then , I guess that ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t it !
Anyhow , the ridiculously dishonest and disingenous attempt by the Democrat Party to compare McDonalds with Pornhub led me to go even further than trying to enforce existing obscenity laws .
That ’ s why I advised Trump to do a tremendously eloquent and intellectually compelling speech the other evening , which the media ruthlessly took apart , for reasons best know , as always , to themselves… “ Pornhub never existed !
You know , I got , I got a lot of people coming to me , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Pornhub !
’ I said , ‘ No of course I wasn ’ t !
Who said I was on Pornhub ?
’ And I look , and it ’ s like , I type the letters in , and this website never even existed !
It was a fake domain !
And I asked Barr , and you know , we tried like a million search engines , literally a million !
And the fake news , we all know it , they ’ re already pretending this is an exaggeration , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Benghazi and where Putin ’ s weapons of mass destruction are… No , no , NO !
Wrong… WRONG !
Wrong answer !
I said Saddam ’ s , not Putin ’ s… Oh yes I did !
Remove them now… Yes I did , YES I DID !
DON ’ T BE RUUUUDE… DON ’ T BE RUDE , there are women and other slobs and disgusting pigs watching… No I didn ’ t call women slobs and disgusting pigs , only the Democrat Party shills on Pornhub… So I ’ m @ @ @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t , you know what we call this ?
You don ’ t ?
Well I ’ m going to tell you what we call it .
It ’ s called the FAKE NEWS !
This is is one of the best things I ever invented… Obama never ONCE talked about the fake news , everyone ’ s telling me he never once said it , not a smart guy .
Tremendously NOT-smart , ‘ not-smart ’ is another word I invented , now half the media are using it… Yes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , WRONG !
Anyway , you look like you belong on Pornhub , next to Michelle Obama and John McCain… Respect for the dead ?
Look , NOBODY respects dead people more than I do , I just did ?
No I didn ’ t , only the haters and losers !
”

Attorney General William Barr, after a recent fiery speech about the traditional natural law tradition vs recent human rights perspectives, has further shocked his detractors by committing the supreme blasphemy: denying America is the greatest country of the Free World, or indeed that is actually part of the Free World at all!
Initially, Barr had intended to make America great again, as the leader of the Free World. However, given the vast vested interests he claims to have encountered, Barr has swiftly changed tack, and is now proudly flaunting America’s credentials as the first nation in the free world to be no longer be free.
Barr recently told Fox News:
According to several day’s consultation with the Republican Party mainstream and top DNC Five Eyes lobbyists and sundry unmentionables from Red China on the way forward for America, I found that freedom, although supposedly a highly contested term, is really much simpler than we think, although Hillary and Dick insisted I mention that it’s only those ungrateful, primitive savages in Libya, Afghanistan and, wherever the others ones are (I’m quoting their exact words from memory!), who just ain’t got the memo yet!
Apparently, instead of being pedantic with all this Borked-up judicial activist highfalutin intellectual nonsense (Chris Christie to thank for that elegant turn of phrase, always the soul of New Jersey aesthetic pretension!), we ought to break it down into something simple that everyone can understand!
And this, believe it or not, was the tough part. Eventually, we struck a nice bipartisan compromise, and determined that millennia of Grecian, Roman, Jewish, Christian and generally pro-American civilizational splendour and/or pioneering intellectual brilliance, had led to not one, but two necessary but not by any means sufficient conditions for freedom! (Suck on that one, Milton… No not you, the other guy! FRIEDMAN!)
Grover Norquist suggested McDonalds as the sole fundamental criterion for liberty (Lindsey Graham had the temerity to interrupt and insist on Porker King, but I guess we’ll work out later how to deal with this boy if he doesn’t measure up…) As for the Democrat Party, not so sleepy Joe Biden, for reasons that remain to be disclosed, suggested Pornhub, although he quickly walked it back and said he was against Pornhub before he was for it, and when rebuked for this obvious lie, said that all 15 million of his Swiftboat comrades agreed with him, and he should know, because he was there when him and Captain Jack Sparrow tossed Darth Vader and his long-lost godson Daenerys Targaryen into the White Witch’s crack o’ doom in the Ministry of Magic…
So, as we were unable to impose a purely partisan conclusion upon those present, we agreed that both Pornhub and McDonalds are the sole conditions of a free society. Finally, both sides felt we were getting somewhere, as most of our allies have both, while places like North Korea, the Islamic Republic of Iran and Myanmar don’t.
However, I still wasn’t satisfied, as I felt the Democrat Party were getting too big for their boots, and seemed to want to impose their bullshit ‘equal right to an opinion’ on everyone else. Sensing a very dangerous precedent that risked becoming entrenched in double quick time, I paused for (not remotely menacing) effect and said:
“You realise what this means now, don’t you?”
Gasps of horror erupted around the room, as they realised the jig was up.
I went on to tell them that I am all for our world-renowned haute cuisine, falsely labelled ‘junk food’ by the mainstream media and other batshit crazy liberal conspiracy theorists; but pornography is quite another matter. Now we know that even before our meeting, I had declared porn a public health crisis. Now it seemed even more of a public health crisis, with all these backseat judicial activists in the Democrat party trying to make some kind of moral equivalence between McDonald’s and Pornhub, a manifest act of disloyalty whereby they likened an all-American corporate legend to some destructive, pernicious, soul-destroying, pointless, overhyped, hideously bloated corporation that is universally despised and loathed for its cynical trafficking in human misery, not to mention its degrading, utterly uninspiring and indeed downright repulsive aesthetic of Fordian mass consumption.
I ruthlessly pressed the logic on to its logical conclusion, which if you haven’t noticed, is something us legal eggheads enjoy doing the odd time, you know, just for shits and giggles! Unless of course we’ve seen a top witness with dirt on millions of establishment elite figures mysteriously ‘suicide’ himself when he was supposed to be on watch 24/7… But then, I guess that’s just another matter entirely, isn’t it!
Anyhow, the ridiculously dishonest and disingenous attempt by the Democrat Party to compare McDonalds with Pornhub led me to go even further than trying to enforce existing obscenity laws. That’s why I advised Trump to do a tremendously eloquent and intellectually compelling speech the other evening, which the media ruthlessly took apart, for reasons best know, as always, to themselves…
“Pornhub never existed! You know, I got, I got a lot of people coming to me, saying ‘Donald Trump was never on Pornhub!’ I said, ‘No of course I wasn’t! Who said I was on Pornhub?’ And I look, and it’s like, I type the letters in, and this website never even existed! It was a fake domain! And I asked Barr, and you know, we tried like a million search engines, literally a million! And the fake news, we all know it, they’re already pretending this is an exaggeration, but maybe they should tell us about Benghazi and where Putin’s weapons of mass destruction are… No, no, NO! Wrong… WRONG! Wrong answer! I said Saddam’s, not Putin’s… Oh yes I did! Remove them now… Yes I did, YES I DID! DON’T BE RUUUUDE… DON’T BE RUDE, there are women and other slobs and disgusting pigs watching… No I didn’t call women slobs and disgusting pigs, only the Democrat Party shills on Pornhub… So I’m now saying it existed? No I didn’t, you know what we call this? You don’t? Well I’m going to tell you what we call it. It’s called the FAKE NEWS! This is is one of the best things I ever invented… Obama never ONCE talked about the fake news, everyone’s telling me he never once said it, not a smart guy. Tremendously NOT-smart, ‘not-smart’ is another word I invented, now half the media are using it… Yes, they are, wrong, wrong, WRONG! Anyway, you look like you belong on Pornhub, next to Michelle Obama and John McCain… Respect for the dead? Look, NOBODY respects dead people more than I do, I just did? No I didn’t, only the haters and losers!”


glossynews--2020-01-01--Thoughts For The New Year

Thoughts For The New Year

Since when has it been OK to put chocolate in breakfast cereal ?
If both cars and cows are contributing to global warming , why don ’ t we just cut the problem in half and ride cows to work ?
If Donald Trump had been alive in the Roman times , would he have become a Caesar , or would someone have assassinated him long before he even got close to it ?
Since food companies got around the bad rap sugar has by labeling it as ‘ cane sugar ’ now , could they do the same for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ poppy seeds ?
’ Did Benjamin Button start getting Social Security right away when he was born ?
If Rick Perry thinks Donald Trump was chosen by God to be President , shouldn ’ t someone go check on God to make sure He doesn ’ t have Alzheimer ’ s ?
And while we are at it , maybe someone should check up on Rick Perry too .
Why can ’ t the Flat Earth Society people just come up with a photo of the edge of it ?
Why does Russia @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and countries when they can ’ t even take care of what they have already ?
Why don ’ t we just devote one new TV channel exclusively to Donald Trump so that we can watch something else on all the rest of the channels ?
If it is OK for models to be plus size is it OK for me to have zits ?
Once China takes over all of Asia is it going to be hard to get good sushi ?
Or good anime ?
Could it be that Icelanders are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the world ?
They made a prosperous country out of ice , rock and ocean and you never see them getting into any wars .
If the Republicans want a republic , why do they keep acting like they want a dictatorship ?
Since the world is running out of oil , maybe someone should make a real Jurassic Park to start replenishing the base material for it .
Since so many more roads have been built in the world since Bob Dylan wrote “ How many roads must a man walk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a moot point by now ?
With the opioid crisis in America getting worse , if we were to inject the involved pharmaceutical overlords with it , wouldn ’ t the problem take care of itself ?
Wouldn ’ t the U.S. be a much more fun place if the Republicans were to change over to being Rap-publicans ?
( It would be really uncool , though , if the Democrats were to become ‘ Demonocrats , ’ which would make our government a ‘ demonocracy , ’ which is a real word @ @ @ @ @ @ @ up on Wikipedia , so there ) .

Since when has it been OK to put chocolate in breakfast cereal?
If both cars and cows are contributing to global warming, why don’t we just cut the problem in half and ride cows to work?
If Donald Trump had been alive in the Roman times, would he have become a Caesar, or would someone have assassinated him long before he even got close to it?
Since food companies got around the bad rap sugar has by labeling it as ‘cane sugar’ now, could they do the same for heroin by labeling it as ‘processed poppy seeds?’
Did Benjamin Button start getting Social Security right away when he was born?
If Rick Perry thinks Donald Trump was chosen by God to be President, shouldn’t someone go check on God to make sure He doesn’t have Alzheimer’s?
And while we are at it, maybe someone should check up on Rick Perry too.
Why can’t the Flat Earth Society people just come up with a photo of the edge of it?
Why does Russia keep wanting to take over more land and countries when they can’t even take care of what they have already?
Why don’t we just devote one new TV channel exclusively to Donald Trump so that we can watch something else on all the rest of the channels?
If it is OK for models to be plus size is it OK for me to have zits?
Once China takes over all of Asia is it going to be hard to get good sushi? Or good anime?
Could it be that Icelanders are the only people who have it together in the world? They made a prosperous country out of ice, rock and ocean and you never see them getting into any wars.
If the Republicans want a republic, why do they keep acting like they want a dictatorship?
Since the world is running out of oil, maybe someone should make a real Jurassic Park to start replenishing the base material for it.
Since so many more roads have been built in the world since Bob Dylan wrote “How many roads must a man walk down?” isn’t it a moot point by now?
With the opioid crisis in America getting worse, if we were to inject the involved pharmaceutical overlords with it, wouldn’t the problem take care of itself?
Wouldn’t the U.S. be a much more fun place if the Republicans were to change over to being Rap-publicans? (It would be really uncool, though, if the Democrats were to become ‘Demonocrats,’ which would make our government a ‘demonocracy,’ which is a real word. I know because I looked it up on Wikipedia, so there).


glossynews--2020-01-07--Lou Dobbs Drugged and Kidnapped

Lou Dobbs Drugged and Kidnapped

New York ( Fox News ) .
One day after delivering the most absurd , sycophantic , car crash adulation of President Trump ( Moran , 2020 ) , Fox Business host Lou Dobbs was found in Central Park bound and naked .
An alert female jogger hearing muffled moans emanating from a copse of Rhododendrons , investigated and discovered Mr. Dobbs trussed and gagged with duct tape in nothing but his “ birthday ” suit .
The jogger ( whose name is being withheld by police ) managed to call 911 and was treated for shock ( along with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ services arrived .
We are all grateful that one of New York ’ s finest minds and news presenters was not seriously harmed by the evil individuals who perpetrated this heinous act .
Apparently , while walking his dogs last Friday morning at his 300 acre , Sussex , NJ estate he was accosted , chloroformed and then trundled into a purple vehicle that was described by several witnesses as “ aerodynamically weird looking.
” A sketch artist , working with the witnesses , created what appears to be a close depiction of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been issued .
The question still remains as to who impersonated Mr. Dobbs on his Friday evening show .
It seems that the “ faux ” Lou ’ s demeanour on set was so good that colleagues , guests and staff had no idea he was an imposter .
Anyone having information on this deviant , scurrilous act should immediately call 1-800-POO-RLOU .
Follow up questions established that three assailants were involved in the abduction .
It was also revealed that the last thing Dobbs remembered was someone covering his face with a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the dogs have gone missing and the FBI has been called in because it has now become a double kidnapping case .
There has been speculation that the notorious American skinhead group , The Mr. Magoo Volksfront , could be responsible .
Rumours are circulating that the founding member and current Club president Adolph Nielson ( twin of his deceased brother Leslie ) , a known impersonator , has been targeted as a person of interest and is being sought for questioning .
.
Meanwhile , the reactions of media professionals to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ incredulous adulation : What a lucky ‘ b—–rd ’ !
His ratings are now going to go right through the roof !
It is not that I am unsympathetic , but the image of Lou Dobbs stark naked makes me want to puke !
Don ’ t pay any attention to Laura Lou , that same image really turns me on !
No I categorically deny that I arranged for this to happen to boost the network ’ s ratings .
Hey I ’ m with Rachel !
I wish somebody would kidnap @ @ @ @ @ @ @ things out !
You know I wasn ’ t fooled for a second .
I knew it was Adolph right away because I have actually had him impersonate me in the past !
My Life Store Product sales get really pumped when he goes on instead of me !
Later in the day the jogger was outed when a drone , piloted by 11 year old Leonard Dorkenstein ( who happened to be filming right above the very spot where she found Dobbs ) , sold the footage to CNN .
Analysis of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ingraham ’ s musings , the jogger–Virginal Vanderbilt ( identified through facial recognition software ) –actually vomited on the supine victim .
Ms. Vanderbilt ( apparently a well-known porn star ) said Ms. Vanderbilt ’ s agent , previously alleged to have been involved in the notorious lapdancers 4 senators scam , said he would be sending a selection of videos , flowers and chocolates to the news host for providing his client such a tremendous publicity opportunity .
The police continue to search for the culprits and have released a composite rendition @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
As of press time , sources indicated nothing has been forthcoming .
Again , the number to report any suspicious activity to the police is 1-800-POO-RLOU .

New York (Fox News). One day after delivering the most absurd, sycophantic, car crash adulation of President Trump (Moran, 2020), Fox Business host Lou Dobbs was found in Central Park bound and naked. An alert female jogger hearing muffled moans emanating from a copse of Rhododendrons, investigated and discovered Mr. Dobbs trussed and gagged with duct tape in nothing but his “birthday” suit. The jogger (whose name is being withheld by police) managed to call 911 and was treated for shock (along with Dobbs) when the police and emergency services arrived.
A statement released by Police Commissioner James Patrick “Jimmy” O’Neill Jr. stated that,
We are all grateful that one of New York’s finest minds and news presenters was not seriously harmed by the evil individuals who perpetrated this heinous act. Apparently, while walking his dogs last Friday morning at his 300 acre, Sussex, NJ estate he was accosted, chloroformed and then trundled into a purple vehicle that was described by several witnesses as “aerodynamically weird looking.” A sketch artist, working with the witnesses, created what appears to be a close depiction of said vehicle for which an APB has been issued. The question still remains as to who impersonated Mr. Dobbs on his Friday evening show. It seems that the “faux” Lou’s demeanour on set was so good that colleagues, guests and staff had no idea he was an imposter. Anyone having information on this deviant, scurrilous act should immediately call 1-800-POO-RLOU.
Follow up questions established that three assailants were involved in the abduction. It was also revealed that the last thing Dobbs remembered was someone covering his face with a rag and his dogs howling. Apparently, the dogs have gone missing and the FBI has been called in because it has now become a double kidnapping case. There has been speculation that the notorious American skinhead group, The Mr. Magoo Volksfront, could be responsible. Rumours are circulating that the founding member and current Club president Adolph Nielson (twin of his deceased brother Leslie), a known impersonator, has been targeted as a person of interest and is being sought for questioning.
.
Meanwhile, the reactions of media professionals to this incident have ranged from outrage to incredulous adulation:
1. Sean Hannity
I can’t believe this happened! It should be a lesson to all of us to be aware of our surroundings, alter our routines, be cautious when walking or driving at night and obtain a license to carry firearms. This could befall anyone of us! WTF!
2. Rachel Maddow
What a lucky ‘b—–rd’! His ratings are now going to go right through the roof!
3. Laura Ingraham
It is not that I am unsympathetic, but the image of Lou Dobbs stark naked makes me want to puke!
4. Judge Jeanine
Don’t pay any attention to Laura Lou, that same image really turns me on!
5. Tucker Carlson
I’m with you Judge J!!!
6. Rupert Murdoch
No I categorically deny that I arranged for this to happen to boost the network’s ratings.
(ED: Worth mentioning here that when our intrepid gonzo Glossy News team interjected: ‘But nobody has actually accused you of this? … YET!’ Murdoch replied, “I’ll get to you boys later. Keep your trap shut, the free press is watching you!”)
7. Donald Trump
Hey Lou! I love you to bits and feel bad for you but do me a favour though… could you act more like the impostor in your future broadcasts!
8. Morning Joe
Hey I’m with Rachel! I wish somebody would kidnap Mika and then we could really spin things out!
9. Alex Jones
You know I wasn’t fooled for a second. I knew it was Adolph right away because I have actually had him impersonate me in the past! My Life Store Product sales get really pumped when he goes on instead of me!
10. Kellyanne Conway
Hey Lou I hope you find your dogs. Poor things!
Later in the day the jogger was outed when a drone, piloted by 11 year old Leonard Dorkenstein (who happened to be filming right above the very spot where she found Dobbs), sold the footage to CNN. Analysis of the video shows that, unlike Laura Ingraham’s musings, the jogger–Virginal Vanderbilt (identified through facial recognition software)–actually vomited on the supine victim. Ms. Vanderbilt (apparently a well-known porn star) said
…I didn’t regurgitate out of fear, but my reaction was prompted—no offense Lou–by the repulsiveness of his naked body! And believe me I know nakedness!
Ms. Vanderbilt’s agent, previously alleged to have been involved in the notorious lapdancers 4 senators scam, said he would be sending a selection of videos, flowers and chocolates to the news host for providing his client such a tremendous publicity opportunity.
The police continue to search for the culprits and have released a composite rendition of the perpetrator’s getaway vehicle. As of press time, sources indicated nothing has been forthcoming. Again, the number to report any suspicious activity to the police is 1-800-POO-RLOU.