glossynews--2020-03-01--News Of The Future – Trump’s Second Impeachment

For the second time in the long tenure of his so-called presidency , President Trump has been called into question via an impeachment process .
The difference this time , however , is that the impeachment has been put into play by a force outside the legislative branch of the U.S. government .
The until-recently unknown group ‘ Americans For a More Decent America ’ have twisted the arm of legislators in the U.S. to bring the oft errant President to heel .
The new impeachment is centered around the fact that President Trump shot a man in cold blood @ @ @ @ @ @ @ week .
Police were prohibited from arresting the President because Trump cited that it is his right by Article II that he can shoot anyone he wants , and also by having won the first impeachment , it means he can now do anything he wants .
Or , as stated by one of his ardent legions of followers- Disillusioned Democrats are now turning the wheels on a new impeachment process , but are not happy to be involved in it .
The shot victim ( we are not allowed by the Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ word ‘ assassinated ’ because ‘ The Don ’ says it shows a liberal prejudice against him ) has not been identified , because the body was immediately hauled away by Secret Service men who are not allowing the police to examine him .
We are told that it is now ‘ Presidential property ’ .
Many believe the body was disposed of by Saudi nationals expert in ‘ evidence elimination ’ who have suddenly been allowed to work in the U.S. and to join the ranks of the Secret Service ever since @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
The Don had this to say about the newly-immigrated and integrated Saudis- Already Trump ’ s Dream Team of lawyers who saved his hide during the first impeachment trial have been sounding off their reasons for not even having the second impeachment trial to begin with .
Or another one : Having already drawn up the articles of impeachment much quicker that they did the first time , the House went through the formal process of delivering them to the Senate .
However , during the official and historic walk over to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and black-suited individuals in an unidentified van managed strangely to break through security and beat the deliverers senseless and bloody with batons and clubs before they were even halfway there .
The attackers then grabbed the documents and drove off , again strangely without security or the Secret Service stopping them .
The Teflon Don has begun boasting about how he is going to beat the rap again .

For the second time in the long tenure of his so-called presidency, President Trump has been called into question via an impeachment process. The difference this time, however, is that the impeachment has been put into play by a force outside the legislative branch of the U.S. government. The until-recently unknown group ‘Americans For a More Decent America’ have twisted the arm of legislators in the U.S. to bring the oft errant President to heel.
The new impeachment is centered around the fact that President Trump shot a man in cold blood on 5th Avenue in New York last week. Police were prohibited from arresting the President because Trump cited that it is his right by Article II that he can shoot anyone he wants, and also by having won the first impeachment, it means he can now do anything he wants. Or, as stated by one of his ardent legions of followers-
He kan do anythin’ becuze he is the Prasident, DUH!!!!!!!!!
Disillusioned Democrats are now turning the wheels on a new impeachment process, but are not happy to be involved in it.
The last one scalded our butts bad, and we ended up inadvertently giving ‘The Teflon Don’ even more power than he had before. He and his fan base now think he is God, and this proves it.
The shot victim (we are not allowed by the Trump media act of 2020 to use the word ‘assassinated’ because ‘The Don’ says it shows a liberal prejudice against him) has not been identified, because the body was immediately hauled away by Secret Service men who are not allowing the police to examine him. We are told that it is now ‘Presidential property’. Many believe the body was disposed of by Saudi nationals expert in ‘evidence elimination’ who have suddenly been allowed to work in the U.S. and to join the ranks of the Secret Service ever since Trump’s re-election win in 2020. The Don had this to say about the newly-immigrated and integrated Saudis-
These boys really know how to get a job done. They have considerable experience under their belts. I think we will work great together, even though they are Arabs.
Already Trump’s Dream Team of lawyers who saved his hide during the first impeachment trial have been sounding off their reasons for not even having the second impeachment trial to begin with.
It would be a waste of taxpayer money.
Or:
The President is protected by the Second Amendment – he can shoot anyone he wants.
Or again:
The man was probably a terrorist to begin with.
Or…
The liberals are just trying to undermine his Presidency.
Don’t forget this old chestnut:
It is nobody’s business what actions He takes, He is the head of our nation.
Or another one:
It is doubted that the man was an American to begin with.
Or even:
The Democrats are just getting uppity again!
Etcetera, etcetara, etcetera……
Having already drawn up the articles of impeachment much quicker that they did the first time, the House went through the formal process of delivering them to the Senate. However, during the official and historic walk over to the Senate, a band of masked and black-suited individuals in an unidentified van managed strangely to break through security and beat the deliverers senseless and bloody with batons and clubs before they were even halfway there. The attackers then grabbed the documents and drove off, again strangely without security or the Secret Service stopping them.
The Teflon Don has begun boasting about how he is going to beat the rap again.


glossynews--2020-03-01--Guide to the Republican Primaries

Guide to the Republican Primaries

If you ’ re a betting man or woman , then you ’ re probably wondering what to do before you place your bets for the US election primaries !
There are updates on the ever-changing odds for the political race and luckily , SBD is on top of those changes because honestly , there ’ s just too much happening too fast these days .
Today , we ’ re going to look at a few Republican nominees and whether they have a chance of winning .
First we have Roque De La Fuente , aiming to be the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
You may remember Roque as the man who audaciously ran for senator in no less than 9 states simultaneously , no less .
Needless to say , he lost each race .
But why would such a successful business man run for multiple seats in government , lowering his chances of actually winning any of them ?
It seems , that he did that in order to hedge his bets and boost his profile according to a Vice news report from last year .
Sounds a lot like someone else we know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ So I guess treating politics like a Vegas game of chance hasn ’ t been working out for him , or has it… ?
Second we have Joe Walsh , whose presidential bid is centred on the assertion that Donald Trump is bad .
Sorry , let me just amend that and be clear : whose entire campaign is centred on Trump being bad , an assertion that I have literally never heard of before until now !
Is Joe Walsh finally going to make it spouting such groundbreaking and original rhetoric ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ sits at 0 delegates .
He also claims that the Republican Party is now a cult obsessed with Donald Trump , which our editor speculates may well raise some interesting questions about his own candidacy !
… Oh wait !
What ’ s THIS ?
Man down !
Turns out he ’ s a goner .
Thirdly we have Bill Weld , who is running on the premise that he can beat Donald Trump in the New Hampshire primaries .
He seems transfixed on this notion people seem to have , that if @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , then you can win it all baby !
Much like Joe Walsh , he ’ s fixated on this totally never seen before idea that Donald Trump is akin to a dictator , something totally original that nobody has ever heard before , and is definitely a great way of getting people on your side .
I ’ d like to remind you that Bill Weld currently holds 1 delegate .
Last , and most probably least , we have the man of the hour , the man whose name is on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ re either with him , or you finish the primaries with delegates stuck in the single digits .
His approval ratings with republicans is currently at 90 % .
The President who got impeached not much longer than two months ago .
The man who ’ s been dodging missile after missile for the past 4 years , and always seems to somehow come out on top .
It ’ s Donald J Trump folks , who ’ s currently sitting at 86 delegates… And who ’ s already looking to be running @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the ease of a freight train , tearing through a sheet of paper .
There ’ s also a bunch of other people running , but they ’ re not rich enough , so you don ’ t really need to know about them .
They ain ’ t winning !

If you’re a betting man or woman, then you’re probably wondering what to do before you place your bets for the US election primaries! There are updates on the ever-changing odds for the political race and luckily, SBD is on top of those changes because honestly, there’s just too much happening too fast these days. Today, we’re going to look at a few Republican nominees and whether they have a chance of winning.
First we have Roque De La Fuente, aiming to be the United States’ first Mexican American president. You may remember Roque as the man who audaciously ran for senator in no less than 9 states simultaneously, no less. Needless to say, he lost each race. But why would such a successful business man run for multiple seats in government, lowering his chances of actually winning any of them? It seems, that he did that in order to hedge his bets and boost his profile according to a Vice news report from last year. Sounds a lot like someone else we know. He currently holds no delegates. So I guess treating politics like a Vegas game of chance hasn’t been working out for him, or has it…?
Second we have Joe Walsh, whose presidential bid is centred on the assertion that Donald Trump is bad. Sorry, let me just amend that and be clear: whose entire campaign is centred on Trump being bad, an assertion that I have literally never heard of before until now! Is Joe Walsh finally going to make it spouting such groundbreaking and original rhetoric? Time will tell, but currently he sits at 0 delegates. He also claims that the Republican Party is now a cult obsessed with Donald Trump, which our editor speculates may well raise some interesting questions about his own candidacy!
… Oh wait! What’s THIS? Man down! Turns out he’s a goner.
Thirdly we have Bill Weld, who is running on the premise that he can beat Donald Trump in the New Hampshire primaries. He seems transfixed on this notion people seem to have, that if you win in the New Hampshire primary, then you can win it all baby! Much like Joe Walsh, he’s fixated on this totally never seen before idea that Donald Trump is akin to a dictator, something totally original that nobody has ever heard before, and is definitely a great way of getting people on your side. I’d like to remind you that Bill Weld currently holds 1 delegate.
Last, and most probably least, we have the man of the hour, the man whose name is on everybody’s lips. You’re either with him, or you finish the primaries with delegates stuck in the single digits. His approval ratings with republicans is currently at 90%. The President who got impeached not much longer than two months ago. The man who’s been dodging missile after missile for the past 4 years, and always seems to somehow come out on top. It’s Donald J Trump folks, who’s currently sitting at 86 delegates… And who’s already looking to be running away with it, yet again, with the ease of a freight train, tearing through a sheet of paper.
There’s also a bunch of other people running, but they’re not rich enough, so you don’t really need to know about them. They ain’t winning!


glossynews--2020-03-03--Trump Privately Boasts His Mother Invented the Dildo

During one of the conference breaks President Trump , the moral and spiritual leader of American white evangelicals , was overheard bragging to Angela Merkel and non-neomerc environmental activist Greta Thunberg about how his mother had invented the dildo .
( This is not to be confused , however , with Putin ’ s invincible nuclear powered butt-plug WMD ) .
Yeah , this morning I said Elon Musk is one of our greatest geniuses and we have to protect him…but I really wish I was around when that sleazeball outfit in California—Doc Johnsons—ripped off my mom ’ s genius @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ann invented the dildo using melted latex gloves , Jello and a meat loaf pan right in our little kitchen .
She went to Doc Johnsons , who licensed it for a measly $ 2000 and then sat on it while they successfully reverse engineered their version into the market .
I feel cheated !
I could have been even richer than I already am !
Can you imagine the sales power that a Trump dildo would have had in the sex toy market .
Poor old ranty Donald .
Shall we continue @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not being more savvy about it , but what the hell he was just a real estate guy !
I am not one to hold a grudge , but let me ask you this A , if I cut your NATO contribution requirement by 15 % , would you be willing to do me a favour though… .
like impose a 53 % tariff hike on those crooked California b*ds at Doc Johnsons .
Just have your people contact Rudy , Mick and/or Mark and we can get the ball rolling or is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ HA , HA , HA .
COVFEFE !

Davos, Switzerland (Reuters)
During one of the conference breaks President Trump, the moral and spiritual leader of American white evangelicals, was overheard bragging to Angela Merkel and non-neomerc environmental activist Greta Thunberg about how his mother had invented the dildo. (This is not to be confused, however, with Putin’s invincible nuclear powered butt-plug WMD).
Yeah, this morning I said Elon Musk is one of our greatest geniuses and we have to protect him…but I really wish I was around when that sleazeball outfit in California—Doc Johnsons—ripped off my mom’s genius. That’s right, Mary Ann invented the dildo using melted latex gloves, Jello and a meat loaf pan right in our little kitchen. She went to Doc Johnsons, who licensed it for a measly $2000 and then sat on it while they successfully reverse engineered their version into the market. I feel cheated! I could have been even richer than I already am! Can you imagine the sales power that a Trump dildo would have had in the sex toy market.
Yawn…
Poor old ranty Donald. Shall we continue?!
I blame my dad for not being more savvy about it, but what the hell he was just a real estate guy!
We’ve all been there…


glossynews--2020-03-03--“ABSOLUTE SLANDER!” Bloomberg EXPLODES at DNC Bribery “LIES!”

Big Mac Bootieshaker and New York Neo-Donaldista Michael ‘ Mini Mike ’ Bloomberg has gone full ‘ FAKE NEWS FRENZY ’ on the a $ $ of CNN , after said well-beloved Fox News knock-offs and reality fan fic merchants raised some unbelievably degrading allegations that are almost certain to ruin his changes of getting elected… By the notoriously fastidious and picky American public .
Hm , I wonder what could possibly be going on here ?
… Well , we might as well put you out of your misery !
After DNC top astroturf empire dawg Joe Biden got @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stuff… And # 2 Elizabeth Warren was insufficiently intersectional in a recent debate… Prominent non-satire news channels CNN and Fox have accused the DNC of trying to bribe Bloomberg to be their third time lucky after their attempts to make Biden and Warren the next rigged candidates blew up in their faces .
So , rumors are currently circulating that you were actually unwilling to refuse a trillion dollar bribe to run as the DNC ’ s rigged candidate ?
Is this kind of Trump style approach really what America needs if we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ democracy ?
Stop shifting the goalposts .
I am NOT having people claiming some goddamn mediocre grifter like Joe Biden or Bernie Sander or Pete Buttigieg is a more competent business head than I am !
I ’ m on FORBES LIST for God ’ s sake !
Bill Gates is my drinking buddy !
Are you seriously telling me the world thinks I ’ m too dumb and economically naive to pass up on an opportunity like this ?
You ’ re trying to make me a laughing stock !
How am @ @ @ @ @ @ @ my Koch bros in the eye when I ’ m no longer the world ’ s safest pair of hands !
DO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT POLITICS ?
What are you , some kind of COMMUNIST ?
!
I DEMAND SATISFACTION from CNN for LOWERING MY STANDING IN THE EYES OF ALL RIGHT THINKING AND SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE GLOBALLY !
There are going to be consequences for this bad faith defamation of character !
Never , in the entire history of the world , has there been a safer pair of hands for the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
I am a tremendous economist , a tremendous dealmaker , and if Fake News CNN want to try and say… I mean this shit is golden , they ain ’ t gon na just give it away for free !
[ RANDOM STONER DUDE PULLS OFF BLOOMBERG ’ S FACE , TO REVEAL A BITTER , SHRIVELLED UP TURMERIC-HUED GOBLIN FACE LEERING MALEVOLENTLY AT THE CAMERAS ] UR-DONALD SNARING AND GRUNTING AND WAVING HIS CLAWS More on the non-comedy media !

Big Mac Bootieshaker and New York Neo-Donaldista Michael ‘Mini Mike’ Bloomberg has gone full ‘FAKE NEWS FRENZY’ on the a$$ of CNN, after said well-beloved Fox News knock-offs and reality fan fic merchants raised some unbelievably degrading allegations that are almost certain to ruin his changes of getting elected…
By the notoriously fastidious and picky American public.
Hm, I wonder what could possibly be going on here? …
Well, we might as well put you out of your misery!
After DNC top astroturf empire dawg Joe Biden got high as a kite on the yellow stuff…
(No we meant THIS yellow stuff! C’mon, wadaya think we meant! :P)
And #2 Elizabeth Warren was insufficiently intersectional in a recent debate…
Prominent non-satire news channels CNN and Fox have accused the DNC of trying to bribe Bloomberg to be their third time lucky after their attempts to make Biden and Warren the next rigged candidates blew up in their faces.
Cooper:
So, rumors are currently circulating that you were actually unwilling to refuse a trillion dollar bribe to run as the DNC’s rigged candidate? Is this kind of Trump style approach really what America needs if we want to restore the integrity of our democracy?
Bloomberg:
… This is absolutely OUTRAGEOUS!
Cooper:
It’s not fake news though, is it?
Bloomberg
It’s… THE VERY EPITOME OF ‘FAKE NEWS!’ I mean, this is the worst bad faith character attack I’ve ever experienced in my life… And there’s a lot of competition there, believe me!
Cooper
Why?
Bloomberg
FAKE NEWS! FAKE GODDAMN NEWS, ALRIGHT! The VERY IDEA I would refuse a trillion dollar bribe to run as the DNC’s rigged candidate… What on earth would people be thinking?!
Cooper
Accept a bribe, not refuse a bribe.
Bloomberg
Stop shifting the goalposts. I am NOT having people claiming some goddamn mediocre grifter like Joe Biden or Bernie Sander or Pete Buttigieg is a more competent business head than I am! I’m on FORBES LIST for God’s sake! Bill Gates is my drinking buddy! Are you seriously telling me the world thinks I’m too dumb and economically naive to pass up on an opportunity like this? You’re trying to make me a laughing stock! How am I going to look Warren Buffett and my Koch bros in the eye when I’m no longer the world’s safest pair of hands!
Cooper (mildly confused by now)
You’re more insulted by the idea of not taking a bribe than taking a bribe?
Bloomberg
DO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT POLITICS? What are you, some kind of COMMUNIST?! I DEMAND SATISFACTION from CNN for LOWERING MY STANDING IN THE EYES OF ALL RIGHT THINKING AND SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE GLOBALLY! There are going to be consequences for this bad faith defamation of character! Never, in the entire history of the world, has there been a safer pair of hands for the business and the economy than Mike Bloomberg! I am a tremendous economist, a tremendous dealmaker, and if Fake News CNN want to try and say… I mean this shit is golden, they ain’t gonna just give it away for free!
Cooper
Well… Wait Mr Bloomberg, isn’t this just some kind of a Blagojevich style line?
#REALITYSATIRE Radical Rod Blagojevich shows solidarity with fellow 'witchhunt' 'victim' Donald Trump! #fakenews #FAKELAW Posted by Glossy News on Sunday, February 23, 2020
Bloomberg
Blagojevich was pardoned. He was PARDONED, you idiot! If the President pardons him, he did nothing wrong.
Cooper
Yeah… OK, sure. And if the President does it, that means he did nothing wrong, either, right?
Bloomberg
EXACTLY! Finally you’re starting to get it.
Cooper
And that was what exactly what Nixon said.
Bloomberg
Yeah well Nixon knew a good opportunity to undermine the opposition! It’s a flaming jungle out there, you better watch the f*** out before you poke me again!
Cooper
Mr Bloomberg… I think you’re slightly confused here? Richard Nixon is universally considered one of the very, very worst presidents in history. Alongside LBJ and George W Bush!
[PANICKED STONER RUSHES IN]
Anderson, we’ve just received some terrifying news that Mike Bloomberg and Donald Trump have never been seen in the same room together!
Cooper
I can well believe it.
[RANDOM STONER DUDE PULLS OFF BLOOMBERG’S FACE, TO REVEAL A BITTER, SHRIVELLED UP TURMERIC-HUED GOBLIN FACE LEERING MALEVOLENTLY AT THE CAMERAS]
Cooper shrieks
WHAT… THE… HELL… I just can’t believe it! … Donald Trump and Michael Bloomberg were actually the same guy all along!
UR-DONALD SNARING AND GRUNTING AND WAVING HIS CLAWS
HHHNNNNGGGGHHH-KH-KH-KH! And I oughta got away with it too, if it hadn’t been for all these pesky voters and meddlesome anti-corporate activists!
Cooper
Well, my friends, I think America have just gone WAYYYYYY too far down the good ol’ Colorado Scoobyhole recently. Me and Hannity should know! Well, more from us in a few months if we can finally hit some kind of rational sense… at long, long last!
GLOSSY NEWS SATIRE EDITOR’S PICK
More on the non-comedy media!


glossynews--2020-03-03--WINNING! So, What’s New This Week on Glossy News Satire?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aaaaaaaand we ’ re about to hit another exciting week on Glossy News Satire !
In the non-satire world , things are pretty hectic .
The bustling US Democratic nomination field is narrowing further and further , Trump is still on Twitter doing his thing , pollsters are going at it hammer and tongs , the UK is continuing tough negotiations with the USA and the EU , Coronavirus is spreading across the world , popular unrest and anxiety is a big thing from Tehran to Hong Kong , Gaza to Rio , London to Beijing , Moscow to Seoul @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s all goin ’ on !
But in the middle of it all , you can always trust Glossy News Satire to bring you some of the best edgy humor and thought-provoking angles !
The ‘ better angles ’ of our nature as Steven Pinker might say , although not always the nicest ones !
So our non-partisan satire site now starting off the week with some grubby humor about the rather ‘ erotically idiosyncratic ’ ( is that what we call it nowadays ? )
Donald J. Trump .
This is from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
Punchy and energetic stuff , of the kind we ’ ve now already EASILY come to expect from him .
Then later today , our naughty editor Wallace Runnymede has an epic expose of Mike Bloomberg and the latest DNC rigging and bribery scandal !
Further into the week , satire veteran rfreed is going to have something about Russian collusion .
This guy ’ s darkly humorous news parodies are bordering on genius , but his ‘ long run of history ’ prose commentary on present controversies as well as the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much of the world to the mess we are today are also very provocative and interesting .
You know what they say about the penalty for not knowing the past… Finally , a relatively new entrant , Nicolas Vrcothichky , has a disturbing look at some terrifying scientific research that is sure to be of interest to a lot of those intrigued or ( less happily ) entranced by our post truth and alternative facts nightmarescape of today… In the meantime , here ’ s his most recent article .
Have to admit @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a UK picture on .
Our satire mainly covers US and UK , but that ’ s more because most of our writers are from the US ( and our editor is from the UK ) .
We ’ re always welcome for a broader range of views , so this is your chance !
Well , I ’ m sure you can all agree this is pretty exciting !
But , what else ?
Well , catch us on social media here and here to find out more !

Aaaaaaaand we’re about to hit another exciting week on Glossy News Satire! In the non-satire world, things are pretty hectic. The bustling US Democratic nomination field is narrowing further and further, Trump is still on Twitter doing his thing, pollsters are going at it hammer and tongs, the UK is continuing tough negotiations with the USA and the EU, Coronavirus is spreading across the world, popular unrest and anxiety is a big thing from Tehran to Hong Kong, Gaza to Rio, London to Beijing, Moscow to Seoul, online or offline, it’s all goin’ on!
But in the middle of it all, you can always trust Glossy News Satire to bring you some of the best edgy humor and thought-provoking angles! The ‘better angles’ of our nature as Steven Pinker might say, although not always the nicest ones!
So our non-partisan satire site now starting off the week with some grubby humor about the rather ‘erotically idiosyncratic’ (is that what we call it nowadays?) Donald J. Trump.
This is from the exciting talent known as Lew Tucker! Punchy and energetic stuff, of the kind we’ve now already EASILY come to expect from him.
Then later today, our naughty editor Wallace Runnymede has an epic expose of Mike Bloomberg and the latest DNC rigging and bribery scandal!
Further into the week, satire veteran rfreed is going to have something about Russian collusion. This guy’s darkly humorous news parodies are bordering on genius, but his ‘long run of history’ prose commentary on present controversies as well as the past historical errors that have got so much of the world to the mess we are today are also very provocative and interesting. You know what they say about the penalty for not knowing the past…
Finally, a relatively new entrant, Nicolas Vrcothichky, has a disturbing look at some terrifying scientific research that is sure to be of interest to a lot of those intrigued or (less happily) entranced by our post truth and alternative facts nightmarescape of today…
In the meantime, here’s his most recent article. Have to admit I was a bit naughty and put a UK picture on. Our satire mainly covers US and UK, but that’s more because most of our writers are from the US (and our editor is from the UK). We’re always welcome for a broader range of views, so this is your chance!
Well, I’m sure you can all agree this is pretty exciting!
But, what else?
Well, catch us on social media here and here to find out more!


glossynews--2020-03-04--SCAM ALERT! ‘Pro Religious’ Politicians are NOT a Friend to Religious People!

The word is ‘ reactionary overshoot ’ and it needs to be discussed .
People are flying too high right now and are missing the big picture , morally speaking .
Now , I will be the first to say without hesitation or scruple that there are plenty of things about the UK and much of the world I am not going to miss when they ’ re gone , and they inevitably will in the very near future ; such as eugenical choice , in particular !
But it ’ s precisely because of such historical inevitabilities that people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Catholic , Evangelicals , Orthodox Jews , Hindus or whoever it may be , need to beware of current insidious attempts to mass mobilise the religious for the purposes of a mass constitutionalist punishment beating against specific groups .
After being shat all over for decades and indeed centuries by arrogant , materialist elites , the desire for revenge and to demean the demeaners is obviously huge for many in our country and in our world today .
But there is no moral high ground if you simply love those who love @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who do well to you .
There is no merit and no virtue in that .
And myself obviously can not say I will NEVER fall into the temptation to gloat in future , far less that I have never done so .
But there is nothing pious in the vindictive attitudes that are being dangled in front of the various faith traditions as bait .
We can take it as given that the metropolitan elite ( UK ) or big city coastal elites ( USA ( are no friends to people of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ religious traditions should be VERY careful about uncritically surrendering to people who are hellbent on flattering us and on promising to help us ‘ get one over ’ on all the other guys and settle some old , old scores .
How long will it take for ALL to realise , not just SOME , that paying people back for old grudges is an absolutely insane way of legitimising the end of secularism and the relegitimation of faith in the public square ?
Look at David French and Sohab Amari .
Two ikons @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the people who find much of the past few decades horrendously disturbing , but have grave concerns about the rising tendency towards a rather different kind of barbarism ?
Any commentary articles are the writer ’ s own personal views and do not represent Glossy News Satire or anyone else .

The dangers of reactionary overshoot: do self-styled populist and conservative politicians who ‘love God’ really want to help religious people?
REACTIONARY OVERSHOOT
The word is ‘reactionary overshoot’ and it needs to be discussed. People are flying too high right now and are missing the big picture, morally speaking.
Now, I will be the first to say without hesitation or scruple that there are plenty of things about the UK and much of the world I am not going to miss when they’re gone, and they inevitably will in the very near future; such as eugenical choice, in particular!
But it’s precisely because of such historical inevitabilities that people in religious circles, whether Orthodox Christian, Catholic, Evangelicals, Orthodox Jews, Hindus or whoever it may be, need to beware of current insidious attempts to mass mobilise the religious for the purposes of a mass constitutionalist punishment beating against specific groups.
After being shat all over for decades and indeed centuries by arrogant, materialist elites, the desire for revenge and to demean the demeaners is obviously huge for many in our country and in our world today.
But there is no moral high ground if you simply love those who love you, and do well to those who do well to you.
There is no merit and no virtue in that.
And myself obviously cannot say I will NEVER fall into the temptation to gloat in future, far less that I have never done so.
But there is nothing pious in the vindictive attitudes that are being dangled in front of the various faith traditions as bait.
We can take it as given that the metropolitan elite (UK) or big city coastal elites (USA( are no friends to people of faith.
However, people of ALL religious traditions should be VERY careful about uncritically surrendering to people who are hellbent on flattering us and on promising to help us ‘get one over’ on all the other guys and settle some old, old scores.
How long will it take for ALL to realise, not just SOME, that paying people back for old grudges is an absolutely insane way of legitimising the end of secularism and the relegitimation of faith in the public square?
Look at David French and Sohab Amari.
Two ikons that point beyond themselves…
Where next for the people who find much of the past few decades horrendously disturbing, but have grave concerns about the rising tendency towards a rather different kind of barbarism?
DISCLAIMER:
Any commentary articles are the writer’s own personal views and do not represent Glossy News Satire or anyone else.


glossynews--2020-03-05--Famous Americans Who Colluded with the Russians & the Price They Paid!

In a Supermax prison in solitary for the rest of his life for selling U.S. classified documents to the Russians @ @ @ @ @ be one of the worst breaches of U.S. intelligence ever .
Federal Bureau of Investigation @ @ @ @ @ specific photo credit .
/ Public domain Sold American secrets to the Reds because of @ @ @ @ @ three concurrent life sentences .
Former high level and trusted CIA employee who was recruited @ @ @ @ @ .
Sentenced to 23 years in a Supermax Prison .
One of the most famous @ @ @ @ @ history Caused the death of at least 10 CIA operatives due to his spying .
@ @ @ @ @ for supplying vital code cards to the Soviets .
Died in prison Fried like Freedom @ @ @ @ @ to the Russians .
Roger Higgins , photographer from “ New York World-Telegram and the @ @ @ @ @ Becomes President of the United States .

Robert Hanssen
In a Supermax prison in solitary for the rest of his life for selling U.S. classified documents to the Russians. His is considered to be one of the worst breaches of U.S. intelligence ever.
Federal Bureau of Investigation. The source gives no specific photo credit. / Public domain
Ronald Pelton
Sold American secrets to the Reds because of financial difficulties. Sentenced to three concurrent life sentences.
NSA / Public domain
Harold James Nicholson
Former high level and trusted CIA employee who was recruited by the Soviet Intelligence officers. Sentenced to 23 years in a Supermax Prison.
Central Intelligence Agency, undated, uncredited / Public domain
Aldrich Ames
One of the most famous double agent cases in U.S. history Caused the death of at least 10 CIA operatives due to his spying. Life imprisonment.
staff, Federal Bureau of Investigation / Public domain
John Anthony Walker
Life sentence for supplying vital code cards to the Soviets. Died in prison
US Government / Public domain
Ethel and Julius Rosenberg
Fried like Freedom Fries for selling nuclear secrets to the Russians.
Roger Higgins, photographer from “New York World-Telegram and the Sun” / Public domain
Donald J. Trump
Becomes President of the United States.
Official portrait of President Donald J. Trump, Friday, October 6, 2017. (Official White House photo by Shealah Craighead)
Shealah Craighead / Public domain


glossynews--2020-03-10--Clinton SELF-OWNS in Catastrophic Pro Bo Biddley / Anti Bernie Parody!

Well , never one for staying out of the limelight , blonde haired blue eyed Goddess of War and highly prolific celebrity thinky-speaker Hillary ‘ Honest Hillary ’ Rodham Clinton has now done a stunning Bo Diddley parody that is sure to end all doubt of the non-existent truth that Bernie truly is , again , the least electable and least qualified candidate in America .
The following is brought to you courtesy of the chief architect of the Libyan war , one of America ’ s most resounding foreign policy successes in history .
Think he wan na go @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 3 , 4 ) Think he wan na go own the DNC ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) He just wan na see Mr Putin ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Wan na see him in secret all by himself ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Bernie don ’ t believe we should make big business free ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) If he did he ’ d be neoliberal just like me !
( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) My good @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it by his self ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Stop your dumb agenda , join me and give a little help !
( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) We as Americans we just needa understand ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) We got ta drop uranium in every foreign land ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Too many Arab kids gon na make our dollars hurt !
Bald-headed Putin baby we gon na mess him up !
( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ understand ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Think we wan na go see Bernie ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Think I wan na go see Tulsi ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) We wan na just go see them ‘ n ’ Putin ( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) I gon na track ‘ me just by myself !
( Hut 2 , 3 , 4 ) Get in line there Samoan !
Get inline and turn RIGHT !
Momma Hillary can ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t got no home , EVERYWHERE IS MINE !
Pathological misogynists and Nazis across the globe are already making entirely unwarranted criticisms of Ms Clinton ’ s undeniable stage prowess .
Then again , I guess she ’ s kinda used to it already…

Biden is flailing, it’s time to send in the cavalry!
Well, never one for staying out of the limelight, blonde haired blue eyed Goddess of War and highly prolific celebrity thinky-speaker Hillary ‘Honest Hillary’ Rodham Clinton has now done a stunning Bo Diddley parody that is sure to end all doubt of the non-existent truth that Bernie truly is, again, the least electable and least qualified candidate in America.
The following is brought to you courtesy of the chief architect of the Libyan war, one of America’s most resounding foreign policy successes in history.
No small statement!
(Hut 2, 3, 4, hut 2, 3, 4, hut 2, 3, 4, hut, 2, 3, 4)
Think he wanna go down to Moscow (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Think he wanna go own the DNC (Hut 2, 3, 4)
He just wanna see Mr Putin (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Wanna see him in secret all by himself (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Well hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Bernie don’t believe we should make big business free (Hut 2, 3, 4)
If he did he’d be neoliberal just like me! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
My good friend Wall Street can’t do it by his self (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Stop your dumb agenda, join me and give a little help! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
We as Americans we just needa understand (Hut 2, 3, 4)
We gotta drop uranium in every foreign land (Hut 2, 3, 4)
We gotta fight hard against forced births (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Too many Arab kids gonna make our dollars hurt!
Hey
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
Hey, Mr Putin! (Hey, Putin!)
My bro Joe Biden gonna causa bitta fuss! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Bald-headed Putin baby we gonna mess him up! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
We as Americans we gotta understand (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Universal healthcare will destroy our land (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Taxes on the RICH? HUP! Red alert! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Step the f**k back Bernie, or someone’s gettin’ hurt! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Think we wanna go see Bernie (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Think I wanna go see Tulsi (Hut 2, 3, 4)
We wanna just go see them ‘n’ Putin (Hut 2, 3, 4)
I gonna track ‘me just by myself! (Hut 2, 3, 4)
Hut, 2, 3, 4, yeah! (Drill chatter)
Get in line there Samoan!
Wall Street have mercy!
Get inline and turn RIGHT!
Momma Hillary can’t help you now!
Me Hilly ain’t got no home, EVERYWHERE IS MINE!
Pathological misogynists and Nazis across the globe are already making entirely unwarranted criticisms of Ms Clinton’s undeniable stage prowess.
Then again, I guess she’s kinda used to it already…


glossynews--2020-03-12--Trump to Demolish ‘Grotesque, Ugly, Pointless Eyesore’ RUSHMORE & Replace With Something BETTER!

After centuries of pointlessly encumbering the tremendous as yet unexploited and unredeemed fracking landscape of South Dakota , Mount Rushmore ’ s 4 “ Totally fake , totally overrated , tremendously corrupt ” Presidents are finally for the chop !
Self-appointed greatest President ( -ial Historian ) in all of history Donald J. Trump opines : I think we got a tremendous problem here .
A lot of people are coming to me and saying , ‘ Have you heard about the Mount Rushmore people , complete waste of time , TOTALLY discredited , nobody cares .
SAD !
’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and they ’ re telling me , ‘ oh look , CRAAAAAAZY Uncle Bernie wants to ban fracking , maybe we should ask the Russians to release his tax returns !
’ Oh well , too bad !
I hear a lot about the problem .
We have some tremendous oil in South Dakota , tremendous good , clean , coal .
Apparently the only thing is this socialist national park , I thought ‘ hey that sounds good , a nationalist social park ?
’ and they tell me ‘ no Donald @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a socialist national park ’ and I ’ m like ‘ who cares , I don ’ t have time for these pedantic distinctions , what ’ s the bottom line ’ and I hear it ’ s only $ 184 million dollars a year !
A YEAR !
’ and ‘ I ’ m like awwwwww , this is no good !
’ But we got all kinds of problems in this country !
And I tell ya what , this is a tremendous problem !
And ‘ what can we do @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ re like we could probably squeeze out an extra 2 or 3 million dollars a year , I mean at the very least 0.75 % of a million a year , if we give it to fracking.
’ And I ’ m totally astounded , the Donald is like : ‘ That ’ s TREMENDOUS MONEY , why didn ’ t you do it before ?
’ And oh wait , you have to hear this , nobody ’ s been saying this before .
Apparently the four ugly old guys up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ US Presidents !
I mean they , they have like names and everything , but I said ‘ Is Andrew Jackson there ?
’ and they said ‘ No , ’ and it ’ s like , all these boring dead guys , whatever !
And I said ‘ It took me a WHOLE ten minutes of my life I ’ ll never get back using Wikipedia to find Andrew Jackson .
You know what , nobody cares , let ’ s just go on ahead and Frack Baby Frack !
’ And @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I mean you ’ ll never believe it , Shifty Steve pops up in my inbox and he slithers ( you know the way he does it , he ’ s still crying for me to get him his job back .
TOO LATE !
SAD ! )
But anyway , Shifty Steve Bannon says ‘ Why don ’ t we demolish your ugly face and carve you into it instead ?
’ or whatever , something like that !
And I ’ m like ‘ Why the hell would we do that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump motel instead , or an entire state-wide casino Franchise spanning the whole of , er , whatever that state is called , well anyway !
But too late Steve , nobody cares , everybody ’ s forgotten him already !
Sad , sad , SAD !
BIGLY !
’

After centuries of pointlessly encumbering the tremendous as yet unexploited and unredeemed fracking landscape of South Dakota, Mount Rushmore’s 4 “Totally fake, totally overrated, tremendously corrupt” Presidents are finally for the chop!
Self-appointed greatest President (-ial Historian) in all of history Donald J. Trump opines:
I think we got a tremendous problem here. A lot of people are coming to me and saying, ‘Have you heard about the Mount Rushmore people, complete waste of time, TOTALLY discredited, nobody cares. SAD!’ And now they’re like, and they’re telling me, ‘oh look, CRAAAAAAZY Uncle Bernie wants to ban fracking, maybe we should ask the Russians to release his tax returns!’
Oh well, too bad! I hear a lot about the problem.
We have some tremendous oil in South Dakota, tremendous good, clean, coal. Apparently the only thing is this socialist national park, I thought ‘hey that sounds good, a nationalist social park?’ and they tell me ‘no Donald, not a national socialist park, a socialist national park’ and I’m like ‘who cares, I don’t have time for these pedantic distinctions, what’s the bottom line’ and I hear it’s only $184 million dollars a year! A YEAR!’ and ‘I’m like awwwwww, this is no good!’ But we got all kinds of problems in this country! And I tell ya what, this is a tremendous problem! And ‘what can we do with it instead?’ And they’re like we could probably squeeze out an extra 2 or 3 million dollars a year, I mean at the very least 0.75% of a million a year, if we give it to fracking.’ And I’m totally astounded, the Donald is like: ‘That’s TREMENDOUS MONEY, why didn’t you do it before?’
And oh wait, you have to hear this, nobody’s been saying this before. Apparently the four ugly old guys up there, they’re actually past US Presidents! I mean they, they have like names and everything, but I said ‘Is Andrew Jackson there?’ and they said ‘No,’ and it’s like, all these boring dead guys, whatever! And I said ‘It took me a WHOLE ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back using Wikipedia to find Andrew Jackson. You know what, nobody cares, let’s just go on ahead and Frack Baby Frack!’
And then Shifty Steve, get this, I mean you’ll never believe it, Shifty Steve pops up in my inbox and he slithers (you know the way he does it, he’s still crying for me to get him his job back. TOO LATE! SAD!) But anyway, Shifty Steve Bannon says ‘Why don’t we demolish your ugly face and carve you into it instead?’ or whatever, something like that! And I’m like ‘Why the hell would we do that? We might as well make a Trump motel instead, or an entire state-wide casino Franchise spanning the whole of, er, whatever that state is called, well anyway! But too late Steve, nobody cares, everybody’s forgotten him already! Sad, sad, SAD! BIGLY!’


glossynews--2020-03-11--Sure-fire T-shirt Slogan Ideas For the 2020 Election!

What if the Dems had said “ A black man will never win the Presidency ” back in 2008 ?
Think Bernie .
You don ’ t have to be a liberal to think that Trump is a danger to the U.S. You don ’ t have to be a socialist to like Bernie .
The Swamp has refilled and is even murkier than ever .
You don ’ t have to be a Democrat to think that Trump is unfit for office .
You can get rid of Trump and still be an upstanding Republican .
In fact , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Why am I only allowed two political parties to choose from ?
You don ’ t have to be a socialist to support Bernie .
Vote Trump for a more arrogant , self centered , fascist America .
How can you be smart enough to earn billions , yet dumb enough to spend a lot of it on an election campaign ?
What is the difference between U.S. political campaigns and a circus ?
It is a lot cheaper to get into the circus .
The red baseball cap this year will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Again !
’ So many candidates ; so many white people !
The political campaign this year raised America ’ s carbon footprint by double !
Maybe in this year ’ s election the Electoral College will again pull the Trump card…….. Trump never stopped campaigning since the 2016 election .
Actually it would have WARREN-ted there being a woman in the White House this time .
Is correct name the Electoral College or the Dictatorial College ?
They should include in the White House tour the basement rooms where they torture possible @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

What if the Dems had said “A black man will never win the Presidency” back in 2008? Think Bernie.
You don’t have to be a liberal to think that Trump is a danger to the U.S.
You don’t have to be a socialist to like Bernie.
The Swamp has refilled and is even murkier than ever.
You don’t have to be a Democrat to think that Trump is unfit for office.
You can get rid of Trump and still be an upstanding Republican. In fact, you would even be more of one.
Why am I only allowed two political parties to choose from?
You don’t have to be a socialist to support Bernie.
Vote Trump for a more arrogant, self centered, fascist America.
How can you be smart enough to earn billions, yet dumb enough to spend a lot of it on an election campaign?
Ready to get Berned, Trump?
What is the difference between U.S. political campaigns and a circus?
It is a lot cheaper to get into the circus.
The red baseball cap this year will read- ‘Make My Bank Account Great Again!’
So many candidates; so many white people!
The political campaign this year raised America’s carbon footprint by double!
Maybe in this year’s election the Electoral College will again pull the Trump card……..
Trump never stopped campaigning since the 2016 election.
Actually it would have WARREN-ted there being a woman in the White House this time.
End sex slavery in America- someone rescue Melania.
Is correct name the Electoral College or the Dictatorial College?
They should include in the White House tour the basement rooms where they torture possible Republican candidates for President into not running.


glossynews--2020-03-10--Supreme Court CHEAT SHEET: What Would it Take to Save Roe v Wade?

The whole topic of the future of Roe Vs Wade can seem pretty convoluted… So I ’ m going to give a factual , objective , unpolemical causal account in just a few short paragraphs about how likely Roe Vs Wade is to either survive or be repealed .
Whatever your thoughts on this topic , this is a useful , shareable guide that is based on facts and not moral arguments in either direction .
It really is as simple as this Five Line Test !
If the following five conditions are fulfilled 100 % , then Roe vs @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more of them aren ’ t fulfilled , Roe vs Wade will be repealed ( turned back to the states ) plus there might even be further action , e.g .
a Personhood Amendment or a further Supreme Court precedent to make abortion unconstitutional .
The five conditions are these : 1 .
Roe survives until after the 2020 election Very likely but not certain .
It might be counterproductive for the conservative judges to do something perceived as undermining perceptions of non-partisanship .
Chief Justice John Roberts has already gone public on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
If they run a good candidate , they could do it !
Depends on the candidate nominated and various other circumstances .
3 .
At least one conservative justice retires or dies , so they lose their 5/4 majority .
Fairly unlikely , but possible ; all are fairly young , with the exception of Justice Thomas .
4 .
No liberal judges die or are retired .
Difficult to say : Justice Ginsburg has survived several attacks of cancer and is determined to fight well beyond 86 .
5 .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ new liberal judge .
Presidential nomination is the easy bit : however , Senate confirmation will depend on the finer details of the election results .
Basically , Republicans would need to lose the Senate for this to happen .
Only 35 Senate seats up for grabs , but the current Republican majority is pretty thin , weighing in at about half a dozen seats ) .
It seems to me that if all five of these conditions hold , Roe vs Wade will survive .
If one or more of these conditions @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Wade will be repealed by the Supreme Court and abortion turned over to the states : unless , of course , at the time or later , even more severe action is taken against Roe .
In a nutshell : it is certainly possible the Democrats might retain Roe vs Wade , but they have a steep hill to climb with all five tests here almost certain to be essential prerequisites .
NB : It goes without saying that the account above is purely a causal account .
I do think it ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t hang around waiting for the judges on the other side to die .
There has been some pretty low behavior on all sides already , and plenty of selective outrage from both parties .

The whole topic of the future of Roe Vs Wade can seem pretty convoluted…
So I’m going to give a factual, objective, unpolemical causal account in just a few short paragraphs about how likely Roe Vs Wade is to either survive or be repealed.
Whatever your thoughts on this topic, this is a useful, shareable guide that is based on facts and not moral arguments in either direction.
It really is as simple as this Five Line Test!
If the following five conditions are fulfilled 100%, then Roe vs Wade will survive.
If one or more of them aren’t fulfilled, Roe vs Wade will be repealed (turned back to the states) plus there might even be further action, e.g. a Personhood Amendment or a further Supreme Court precedent to make abortion unconstitutional.
The five conditions are these:
1. Roe survives until after the 2020 election
Very likely but not certain. It might be counterproductive for the conservative judges to do something perceived as undermining perceptions of non-partisanship. Chief Justice John Roberts has already gone public on the issue of impartiality in the past.
2. The Democrats win the election.
If they run a good candidate, they could do it! Depends on the candidate nominated and various other circumstances.
3. At least one conservative justice retires or dies, so they lose their 5/4 majority.
Fairly unlikely, but possible; all are fairly young, with the exception of Justice Thomas.
4. No liberal judges die or are retired.
Difficult to say: Justice Ginsburg has survived several attacks of cancer and is determined to fight well beyond 86.
5. The new Democratic president successfully brings in a new liberal judge.
Presidential nomination is the easy bit: however, Senate confirmation will depend on the finer details of the election results. Basically, Republicans would need to lose the Senate for this to happen. Only 35 Senate seats up for grabs, but the current Republican majority is pretty thin, weighing in at about half a dozen seats).
It seems to me that if all five of these conditions hold, Roe vs Wade will survive.
If one or more of these conditions don’t hold, Roe vs Wade will be repealed by the Supreme Court and abortion turned over to the states: unless, of course, at the time or later, even more severe action is taken against Roe.
In a nutshell: it is certainly possible the Democrats might retain Roe vs Wade, but they have a steep hill to climb with all five tests here almost certain to be essential prerequisites.
NB: It goes without saying that the account above is purely a causal account. I do think it’s important that both sides don’t hang around waiting for the judges on the other side to die. There has been some pretty low behavior on all sides already, and plenty of selective outrage from both parties.


FUTURE TRUMP TWEETS!

Libraries are a major place for the fake media to place their destructive materials .
After all , the very word “ Library ” begins with “ lie.
” Something to think about .
I am smarter and know more than all our Intelligence Agencies .
That fact has been proven out , like for instance when they said that Putin was trying to influence our elections .
I told them , “ No he isn ’ t !
He is a great friend of mine.
” And that shut them up .
I am sure they were astonished .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ I will adopt the title ‘ The Most Intelligent Leader.
’ I think that sounds right .
I will make sure anyone visiting me will use that phrase to address me .
People ask me why I am chums with dictators like Putin and Duerte and Erdogan .
That is because they know how to hold a country together .
And that is the only thing that really matters .
Right ?
So what if they kill a few people along the way ?
Why do I write so many books ?
That @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people know how great I am .
Plus they give me money for them .
What two better reasons could there be ?
I don ’ t see anything wrong with me being a President for Life .
Think how much tax payer money will be saved from not having an inauguration every four years .
What is wrong with having more than one wife ?
Mormons do it .
Muslims do it .
Some of those old guys in the Old Testament did it .
You all know how religious a guy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ do it , I think it is OK with me getting another wife or two .
I am getting backlash still over things I said during the Obama era .
I still have Dems asking me if I am from Mars .
I appreciate all of you my supporters who have been trying to come to Mar-o Lago to visit me .
Just please remember to come around to the back door please .
Unless you have more than $ 50 million .
Then by all means come ring the front door bell @ @ @ @ @ @ @ asking why I don ’ t wear my MAGA hat when I go to meet foreign leaders .
That is because they are classy guys and I have to be a classy guy when I am with them .
Back here when I am with my fans I can do my regular old blue collar guy shtick .
I would like to build a wall around Washington , D.C. to keep the bad actor Democrats out .
And I will make them pay for it .
Many wonder why I support the Israelis @ @ @ @ @ @ @ because the Israelis have more money and power .
Duh !
!
!
!
The reason I am getting a divorce from Melania is because it turns out she is a spy .
Remember she is from Slovenia .
I turned her in myself .
Don ’ t worry ; I will have a new wife in a few weeks .
I think it should be alright to run more than just one country .
I want to run for President in Czech Republic because they got these cool castles and I could @ @ @ @ @ @ @ looking women !

Libraries are a major place for the fake media to place their destructive materials. After all, the very word “Library” begins with “lie.” Something to think about.
I am smarter and know more than all our Intelligence Agencies. That fact has been proven out, like for instance when they said that Putin was trying to influence our elections. I told them, “No he isn’t! He is a great friend of mine.” And that shut them up. I am sure they were astonished.
I am so smart that I think I will adopt the title ‘The Most Intelligent Leader.’ I think that sounds right. I will make sure anyone visiting me will use that phrase to address me.
People ask me why I am chums with dictators like Putin and Duerte and Erdogan. That is because they know how to hold a country together. And that is the only thing that really matters. Right? So what if they kill a few people along the way?
Why do I write so many books? That is because I have to make sure people know how great I am. Plus they give me money for them. What two better reasons could there be?
I don’t see anything wrong with me being a President for Life. Think how much tax payer money will be saved from not having an inauguration every four years.
What is wrong with having more than one wife? Mormons do it. Muslims do it. Some of those old guys in the Old Testament did it. You all know how religious a guy I am; so if they can do it, I think it is OK with me getting another wife or two.
I am getting backlash still over things I said during the Obama era. I still have Dems asking me if I am from Mars.
I appreciate all of you my supporters who have been trying to come to Mar-o Lago to visit me. Just please remember to come around to the back door please. Unless you have more than $50 million. Then by all means come ring the front door bell.
A lot of you have been asking why I don’t wear my MAGA hat when I go to meet foreign leaders. That is because they are classy guys and I have to be a classy guy when I am with them. Back here when I am with my fans I can do my regular old blue collar guy shtick.
I would like to build a wall around Washington, D.C. to keep the bad actor Democrats out. And I will make them pay for it.
Many wonder why I support the Israelis instead of the Palestinians. That is because the Israelis have more money and power. Duh!!!!
The reason I am getting a divorce from Melania is because it turns out she is a spy. Remember she is from Slovenia. I turned her in myself. Don’t worry; I will have a new wife in a few weeks.
I think it should be alright to run more than just one country. I want to run for President in Czech Republic because they got these cool castles and I could buy one. Plus they have great looking women!


glossynews--2020-03-16--GOP EXPLODE into Factions over Coronavirus Strategies!

Trump ’ s recent pronouncements on Coronavirus have been highly controversial .
However , other Republicans are here to save the day .
At the time of writing , typing ‘ trump coronavirus irresponsible ’ into Google gives us 8 050 000 results ( ! )
Including some old foes of Babylon Donald , funny enough !
So in this context , it ’ s worth being fair and balanced and giving you a bit more insight into the Republican Party ’ s wide famed viewpoint diversity .
There is absolutely no reason to believe there is anything wrong with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ other than a lack of diligence , thrift and self-reliance .
Why are all these people just randomly dying ?
Don ’ t they know to just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps ?
I mean , I don ’ t know if you ’ ve noticed , but the liberal media keep saying people ‘ can ’ t afford to take a day off work.
’ Well whose fault ’ s that ?
!
If you don ’ t have any savings and can ’ t even take one day out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ physical self-preservation , then to be honest , maybe the economy can just do without your negative output nonsense !
You ever hear that little word ‘ meritocracy ?
!
’ Look , many of our donors are working a three day week , and even THEY get accused of being welfare queens .
now something just ain ’ t right here !
Drop the entitlement !
Meanwhile , here comes a ( marginally ) more compassionate approach from Champagne Pastor Mike Huckabee : Well , maybe y ’ all should just pray @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are perhaps best known to myself , I have been entrusted with a private revelation that every single one of the Coronavirus victims was lacking in faith , and leading a very sinful and dishonorable lifestyle that is deeply unpleasing to God !
And while we ’ re at it , I should probably note in passing that a lot of highly successfully pastors and enterpreneurs agree with me on this one !
Joel Osteen , Pat Robertson , Franklin Graham , Paula White , Kenneth Copeland… The consensus is HUGE on this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ my word for it !
The only ministers and men of God who seem to disagree with me are people who seem to be eking out some kind of breadline existence of some kind , which speaking for myself , I mean frankly it ’ s baffling anyone whose ministry is not showing ANY signs of being blessed by God should be tempted to stick their neck out like this and act like a Satan aka ACCUSERS of TRUE clergy like Joel and Pat and Paula , as if they had the right @ @ @ @ @ @ @ question !
The bank statements are there boys , read ’ em and weep !
Woe unto the man who calls evil good , and good , evil !
Truly the spirit of Antichrist must be upon the earth , when the true people of God are ill spoken of , and false shepherds dare presume disturb the peace of the world !
The liberal media have been consistently no-platforming and cancelling my sterling think tank work .
REEEEEEEEEEEE !
We have every reason in the world to believe , and every reason @ @ @ @ @ @ @ our reasons for believing… That the Coronavirus is a sinister anti-American plot , maliciously concocted by Red China , North Korea , the Islamic Republic of Iran , the Ukraine , Russia , Saudi Arabia , Turkey , the EU , Tasmania , Papua New Guinea , Micronesia , Melanesia , Pakistan , Iceland , the Faroe Island , Vanuatu , Fiji , Hawai ’ i , Canada , and the entirety of Africa , Latin America and Antarctica in an unforgivable attempt to harm the national interest of America !
According to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ say it , highly IMMORAL and EVIL logic , they somehow seem to believe that by killing off half the world population , we will no longer need to drop a few nukes to heal the climate .
This is a purely arbitrary attempt to curb American power and dominion upon the earth , and it will NOT be tolerated !
Oh and by the way… While we ’ re at it , any of you goddamn bleeding heart liberal snowflakes who say otherwise need to get out your ivory tower and go @ @ @ @ @ @ @ change !
Nobody ever learnt anything about war by standing aloof and lecturing others in a highly intellectual and detached manner while the world burns , forgetting there are real human lives being taken every moment , while they ’ re playing with their utterly detached and meaningless intellectual abstractions !
Finally , Rand , it ’ s over to you !
What should the US government do about this one ?
Uh , well… It just so turns out , the Founding Fathers , in their matchless wisdom , had absolutely nothing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
So as the Constitution doesn ’ t mention Coronavirus even once , I think we have to be very careful of the risks of taking well intentioned actions that may well save hundreds of millions of lives in America and indeed billions across the globe , but that are nonetheless lacking in any 100 % crystal clear , unambiguous Constitutional sanction .
I think we need to have our priorities in order here .
Maybe we should just let the markets sort out the wheat from the chaff .
Anything more than @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of unearned power , and unless we want to put the purely theoretical and statistical lives and wellbeing of several billion human beings over an eternal , vital , organic , living reality which we can maybe just call an unconditional and undiluted adherence to constitutional originalism… Well , I think we should just go with what is right and proper , and not what somehow makes us feel good , y ’ know all warm and fuzzy !
Or , or whatever it is all these cruel , heartless , callous , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Government aficionados feel when they think about this situation .
Here and here .

Trump’s recent pronouncements on Coronavirus have been highly controversial. However, other Republicans are here to save the day
At the time of writing, typing ‘trump coronavirus irresponsible’ into Google gives us 8 050 000 results (!) Including some old foes of Babylon Donald, funny enough! So in this context, it’s worth being fair and balanced and giving you a bit more insight into the Republican Party’s wide famed viewpoint diversity.
Faction 1: No More Corona Queens!
FAIL! You shoulda worked HARDER! 🤣🤣🤣
Firebreathing Rand aficinados Paul Ryan and Gover Norquist remind us:
There is absolutely no reason to believe there is anything wrong with ‘Coronavirus’ victims at all, other than a lack of diligence, thrift and self-reliance. Why are all these people just randomly dying? Don’t they know to just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps? I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the liberal media keep saying people ‘can’t afford to take a day off work.’ Well whose fault’s that?! If you don’t have any savings and can’t even take one day out of three-six-five for the means of basic physical self-preservation, then to be honest, maybe the economy can just do without your negative output nonsense! You ever hear that little word ‘meritocracy?!’ Look, many of our donors are working a three day week, and even THEY get accused of being welfare queens. now something just ain’t right here! Drop the entitlement!
Faction 2: Pray Away the V!
Good health is a God given right! You see, this is what happens when you don’t pray and trust the arm of flesh! 🛐
Meanwhile, here comes a (marginally) more compassionate approach from Champagne Pastor Mike Huckabee:
Well, maybe y’all should just pray a bit more! For reasons that are perhaps best known to myself, I have been entrusted with a private revelation that every single one of the Coronavirus victims was lacking in faith, and leading a very sinful and dishonorable lifestyle that is deeply unpleasing to God! And while we’re at it, I should probably note in passing that a lot of highly successfully pastors and enterpreneurs agree with me on this one! Joel Osteen, Pat Robertson, Franklin Graham, Paula White, Kenneth Copeland… The consensus is HUGE on this one, so don’t take my word for it! The only ministers and men of God who seem to disagree with me are people who seem to be eking out some kind of breadline existence of some kind, which speaking for myself, I mean frankly it’s baffling anyone whose ministry is not showing ANY signs of being blessed by God should be tempted to stick their neck out like this and act like a Satan aka ACCUSERS of TRUE clergy like Joel and Pat and Paula, as if they had the right to call God’s work into question! The bank statements are there boys, read ’em and weep! Woe unto the man who calls evil good, and good, evil! Truly the spirit of Antichrist must be upon the earth, when the true people of God are ill spoken of, and false shepherds dare presume disturb the peace of the world!
Faction 3: Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb-Bomb… the World?!
NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU A GOOD NUKE OR TWENTY WOULDN’T SOLVE! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Unhinged right-deviationist Tankie John Bolton snarls and slavvers:
The liberal media have been consistently no-platforming and cancelling my sterling think tank work. REEEEEEEEEEEE! We have every reason in the world to believe, and every reason in the world to not give you our reasons for believing… That the Coronavirus is a sinister anti-American plot, maliciously concocted by Red China, North Korea, the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Ukraine, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, the EU, Tasmania, Papua New Guinea, Micronesia, Melanesia, Pakistan, Iceland, the Faroe Island, Vanuatu, Fiji, Hawai’i, Canada, and the entirety of Africa, Latin America and Antarctica in an unforgivable attempt to harm the national interest of America! According to their twistedly nefarious, and dare I say it, highly IMMORAL and EVIL logic, they somehow seem to believe that by killing off half the world population, we will no longer need to drop a few nukes to heal the climate. This is a purely arbitrary attempt to curb American power and dominion upon the earth, and it will NOT be tolerated! Oh and by the way… While we’re at it, any of you goddamn bleeding heart liberal snowflakes who say otherwise need to get out your ivory tower and go out into the real world for a change! Nobody ever learnt anything about war by standing aloof and lecturing others in a highly intellectual and detached manner while the world burns, forgetting there are real human lives being taken every moment, while they’re playing with their utterly detached and meaningless intellectual abstractions! THICK NUKES TRUMP BOOKS!
Faction 4: Keep it Simple, Stupid.
Finally, Rand, it’s over to you!
What should the US government do about this one?
Er… nothing?!
Uh, well… It just so turns out, the Founding Fathers, in their matchless wisdom, had absolutely nothing to say about this kind of situation! So as the Constitution doesn’t mention Coronavirus even once, I think we have to be very careful of the risks of taking well intentioned actions that may well save hundreds of millions of lives in America and indeed billions across the globe, but that are nonetheless lacking in any 100% crystal clear, unambiguous Constitutional sanction. I think we need to have our priorities in order here. Maybe we should just let the markets sort out the wheat from the chaff. Anything more than that is an unaccountable and arbitrary abuse of unearned power, and unless we want to put the purely theoretical and statistical lives and wellbeing of several billion human beings over an eternal, vital, organic, living reality which we can maybe just call an unconditional and undiluted adherence to constitutional originalism… Well, I think we should just go with what is right and proper, and not what somehow makes us feel good, y’know all warm and fuzzy! Or, or whatever it is all these cruel, heartless, callous, unempathetic, irredeemably misanthropic, power-loving Big Government aficionados feel when they think about this situation.
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Here and here.


glossynews--2020-03-21--Michael Gove EXPLODES! “Coronavirus Policy is Being Taken Over By EXPERTS!”

After railing for years against experts , Gove is furious the Tories have finally succumbed to the siren song of mainstream science .
Emaciated Dadrock Van Halen / Doomrock Van Helsing lookalike and all-round ghoulish something of the night about ’ em wrongun Michael ‘ Sherbet Emperor ’ Gove has recently revived his age-old ( some would say UNDEAD ! )
War on Experts .
Although previous alternative science measures like cornering the global cocaine industry to make a Brexit Boom or basically letting half the country get the sherbet snuffles ( we had to warn him Coronavirus was just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bloody coke off a dead pig ’ s arse , or indeed a turkey ’ s ) … Well , this time it ’ s gone too far .
Frankly , I think people have had enough of unelected , unaccountable experts telling them what to do .
Just because someone is some pompous , out of touch , elitist , arrogant , self-indulgent narcissist who has spent three or four years posh-wanking their way through Oxford and Cambridge , it doesn ’ t mean their opinion is better than anyone else ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ going to speak my own truth here : I don ’ t see why when my constituents come and tell me that breaking up their fridge and making him guzzle the cooling fluid somehow cured their grandfather ’ s Coronavirus , sciatica and Tory Derangement Syndrome and there hasn ’ t been a single peep of discredited Marxist nonsense from him ever since , that I have to somehow deny their lived experiences !
I think we have a terrible problem when nihilistic , ultra-Parisian , unreconstructed postmodern intellectuals are constantly shoving their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sententiously grandiloquent jargon down our throats , maybe they need to remember facts don ’ t care about your feelings !
Now I ’ m sure the Guardian and other deeply , DEEPLY offensive fake news outlets and billionaire snowflakes are going to trig out at hearing an opinion they don ’ t agree with , but maybe they should just SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP DENYING MY TRUTH !
Gove is currently rumored to be running through the last ten boxes of Kleenex in a safe space in the Cayman Islands @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at least .
We were gon na tell him : But then he muttered something about how the Kleenex was for something else , and who cares anyway because it ’ s my end of the world party and I ’ ll , I ’ ll do whatever if I want to , and if you don ’ t stop offending me I WILL STAMP AND STAMP UNTIL I AM SICK !
The bottom 7 billion or so smallest violins in the world are getting plucked til they can pluck no more .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ leave it at that .

After railing for years against billionaire purple property luvvies and experts, Michael Gove is furious the Tories have finally succumbed to the siren song of mainstream science.
Yes, that’s right! Emaciated Dadrock Van Halen / Doomrock Van Helsing lookalike and all-round ghoulish something of the night about ’em wrongun Michael ‘Sherbet Emperor’ Gove has recently revived his age-old (some would say UNDEAD!) War on Experts.
Although there were already some previous alternative science measures, like cornering the global cocaine industry to make a Brexit Boom or basically letting half the country get the sherbet snuffles (we had to warn him Coronavirus was just that LITTLE bit worse than snorting some bloody coke off a dead pig’s arse, or indeed a turkey’s)…
Well, this time it’s just gone too far.
Frankly, I think people have had enough of unelected, unaccountable experts telling them what to do. Just because someone is some pompous, out of touch, elitist, arrogant, self-indulgent narcissist who has spent three or four years posh-wanking their way through Oxford and Cambridge, and no doubt completely lacking in the slightest modicum of self-reflection, it doesn’t mean their opinion is better than anyone else’s! Personally, I’m going to speak my own truth here: I don’t see why when my constituents come and tell me that breaking up their fridge and making him guzzle the cooling fluid somehow cured their grandfather’s Coronavirus, sciatica and Tory Derangement Syndrome and there hasn’t been a single peep of discredited Marxist nonsense from him ever since, that I have to somehow deny their lived experiences! I think we have a terrible problem when nihilistic, ultra-Parisian, unreconstructed postmodern intellectuals are constantly shoving their trite cliches and overrated, pompous, sententiously grandiloquent jargon down our throats, maybe they need to remember facts don’t care about your feelings! Now I’m sure the Guardian and other deeply, DEEPLY offensive fake news outlets and billionaire snowflakes are going to trig out at hearing an opinion they don’t agree with, but maybe they should just SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP DENYING MY TRUTH!
Gove is currently rumored to be running through the last ten boxes of Kleenex in a safe space in the Cayman Islands.
Well…
Pretty safe for SOME things, at least.
We were gonna tell him:
Dry yer eyes, boyo!
But then he muttered something about how the Kleenex was for something else, and who cares anyway because it’s my end of the world party and I’ll, I’ll do whatever if I want to, and if you don’t stop offending me I WILL STAMP AND STAMP UNTIL I AM SICK!
The bottom 7 billion or so smallest violins in the world are getting plucked til they can pluck no more.
Not unlike…
Well, I guess we can just leave it at that.


glossynews--2020-03-22--Bringing Down the Haaaaaaas! Weekly Review: & What’s Coming Next in Satire?!

In a time of trouble , the laughs just keep on coming !
No matter what !
Thanks for another amazing week at Glossy News Satire !
Thanks for all the reads and shares… Both for the site and for our social media !
Well , what a week it ’ s been again .
A GREAT new book serial from Anthony , and there ’ s more to come as we go on !
Next week… As wee Jimmy Cricket used to say , back in the homeland .
( I ’ m afraid there are probably about like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who understand this joke , but we ’ ll let it go for now ) .
Aside from continuing Anthony Rhody ’ s ‘ Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat ?
’ and the trials and tribulations of the endearingly neurotic protagonist , we ’ ve also got more stuff from another great writer to come in the next week… Trumpisms from Richard Selzer !
Selzer is an author as well as a guy who posts some pretty funny stuff here .
You can find the first six Trumpisms instalments here , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
Finally , the editor has a scandalous new news concept tomorrow , Monday : Old Babylon Donald acts like he ’ s on the side of Coronavirus .
But who else might be as well ?
Well , we ’ ll just have to see , won ’ t we !
😛 And even this ain ’ t all… Favorite the link to our homepage and make sure you follow us on Pinterest and Facebook .
The homepage has the icons you need !
Don ’ t forget Wallace ’ s Free @ @ @ @ @ @ @ soon too .
Don ’ t end up having to pay when you don ’ t need to !
😉 Remember to laugh , like and share !
And not just our articles , either .
At this tough time , let ’ s stick together in our neighbourhoods , our countries and our worlds !
Remember to self-isolate , and reach out to friends and family too .

In a time of trouble, the laughs just keep on coming! No matter what!
Thanks for another amazing week at Glossy News Satire!
Thanks for all the reads and shares…
Both for the site and for our social media!
Well, what a week it’s been again. A GREAT new book serial from Anthony, and there’s more to come as we go on! Next week…
Wait, there’s more!
As wee Jimmy Cricket used to say, back in the homeland.
(I’m afraid there are probably about like 2 million people or so on earth who understand this joke, but we’ll let it go for now).
Aside from continuing Anthony Rhody’s ‘Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat?’ and the trials and tribulations of the endearingly neurotic protagonist, we’ve also got more stuff from another great writer to come in the next week…
Trumpisms from Richard Selzer! Selzer is an author as well as a guy who posts some pretty funny stuff here. You can find the first six Trumpisms instalments here, with plenty of other funny stuff too!
Finally, the editor has a scandalous new news concept tomorrow, Monday:
Old Babylon Donald acts like he’s on the side of Coronavirus.
But who else might be as well?
…
Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we! 😛
And even this ain’t all…
Favorite the link to our homepage and make sure you follow us on Pinterest and Facebook. The homepage has the icons you need! Don’t forget Wallace’s Free Book Deal on Amazon will end very soon too. Don’t end up having to pay when you don’t need to! 😉
Remember to laugh, like and share!
And not just our articles, either.
At this tough time, let’s stick together in our neighbourhoods, our countries and our worlds!
Remember to self-isolate, and reach out to friends and family too.
Much love!
— Wallace 💙


glossynews--2020-03-23--Democrats & CNN Denounce Trump’s ‘Hateful Attitude’ to Mass-Murdering Death Plague

The Democratic Party have come out all guns blazing against Trump ’ s increasingly intolerant , hateful and belligerent rhetoric against… An evil virus that has already killed over 15 000 people worldwide .
Russia are inciting Trump to say he ‘ hates ’ the Coronavirus .
‘ Hate ’ is a very , very strong word indeed .
Speaking for myself , I don ’ t ‘ hate ’ Coronavirus .
I think the Coronavirus is an unfortunate mistake that nobody could have foreseen , not unlike the Iraq War and Benghazi .
Yes , 10 000 people are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it make ?
All that matters is that we find out what ’ s happening and make sure it never , never , ever happens again !
I for one am deeply disturbed to see yet more aggressive and conspiratorial rhetoric from Trump , calling this virus ‘ the Enemy of the People.
’ We are America , we are one nation , and we do not have ‘ friends of the people ’ and ‘ enemies of the people.
’ Simply , ‘ the people.
’ Nothing more , nothing less .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ and it is not mine .
Remember all living creatures are created in the Image of the God I worship , and are bound for glory in the end , no matter how judged and looked down upon they may be for now .
So if Donald Trump continues to talk down to average , ordinary , everyday Americans by denouncing Coronavirus as something that is somehow un-American , like some kind of insidious and hostile force in this Christian nation , then I am afraid he is going to lose what little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ya know , we learned a lot !
And one of the things we learned… You don ’ t go around picking on other people !
That ’ s not real strength !
You sass Coronavirus one more time Donald , and I ’ ll kick the shit out of you just like I did Harry Potter and Dumbo the Elephant on that , that , you know the Death Star of Azkabaaaaaan , uh-thingum !
Where , they , well , ya knowwwwwwww , but the ring is mighty !
SUCK IT @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump !
I wan na tell you , WHO !
Stigma and exclusion has no place in the America of today !
You have unleashed the whirlwind , and we ’ re gon na make damn sure you and your ilk have no place in this entire planet !
So , Donald Trump says the Coronavirus is ‘ a war.
’ Does that sound like fighting talk ?
It sure does to me .
What ’ s Donald missing here ?
( Cue faux-philosophical chin stroke .
Widen the eyes , Katy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ still on ?
! )
Maybe Donald ’ s missing the fact that talk of war and division just breeds more war and division .
And so basically , as far as my quite considerable intellect can make it , well that ’ s… Anyhoo , is it break yet ?
WUHOO !
Starbucks time !
If-you-see-any-one-spread-ing-hate-and-intoleraaaaaaaance against Coronavirus !
Take them out !
Take them ouuuuuuuuut !
Don ’ t ever give them a chance to breaaaaaaathe !
I for one am sick of this intolerant and hateful Presidennnnnnt… No genocide in @ @

The Democratic Party have come out all guns blazing against Trump’s increasingly intolerant, hateful and belligerent rhetoric against…
An evil virus that has already killed over 15 000 people worldwide.
Hillary Clinton
Russia are inciting Trump to say he ‘hates’ the Coronavirus. ‘Hate’ is a very, very strong word indeed. Speaking for myself, I don’t ‘hate’ Coronavirus. I think the Coronavirus is an unfortunate mistake that nobody could have foreseen, not unlike the Iraq War and Benghazi, or the suicide of Epstein… Oh, could you remind me who that guy is again? I’ve never met him. But yes, exactly like Benghazi! And yes, 10 000 people are already dead… But what difference does it make?! All that matters is that we find out what’s happening and make sure it never, never, ever happens again! And to be HONEST… Like I’m not gonna be falsely modest, some would say I’m pretty good at that stuff…
Nancy Pelosi
I for one am deeply disturbed to see yet more aggressive and conspiratorial rhetoric from Trump, calling this virus ‘the Enemy of the People.’ We are America, we are one nation, and we do not have ‘friends of the people’ and ‘enemies of the people.’ Simply, ‘the people.’ Nothing more, nothing less. The Coronavirus is not your enemy, and it is not mine. Remember all living creatures are created in the Image of the God I worship, and are bound for glory in the end, no matter how judged and looked down upon they may be for now. So if Donald Trump continues to talk down to average, ordinary, everyday Americans by denouncing Coronavirus as something that is somehow un-American, like some kind of insidious and hostile force in this Christian nation, then I am afraid he is going to lose what little support and credibility he has left.
Joe Biden
Ya know, we learned a lot! And one of the things we learned… You don’t go around picking on other people! That’s not real strength! You sass Coronavirus one more time Donald, and I’ll kick the shit out of you just like I did Harry Potter and Dumbo the Elephant on that, that, you know the Death Star of Azkabaaaaaan, uh-thingum! Where, they, well, ya knowwwwwwww, but the ring is mighty! SUCK IT!
Chuck Schumer
I wanna tell you, Donald Trump! I wanna tell you, WHO! Stigma and exclusion has no place in the America of today! You have unleashed the whirlwind, and we’re gonna make damn sure you and your ilk have no place in this entire planet!
Chris Cuomo
So, Donald Trump says the Coronavirus is ‘a war.’ Does that sound like fighting talk? It sure does to me. What’s Donald missing here? (Cue faux-philosophical chin stroke. Widen the eyes, Katy Perry style… Oh wait is my mic still on?!) Maybe Donald’s missing the fact that talk of war and division just breeds more war and division. And so basically, as far as my quite considerable intellect can make it, well that’s… Anyhoo, is it break yet? WUHOO! Starbucks time!
Andrew Cuomo
Let’s face it… Antivirals were NEVER great. Trump needs to stop his plutocratic, Reaganesque war on our constitutional freedoms and the right to life of EVERY living creature!
Maxine Waters


glossynews--2020-03-22--Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!

Cause of the pandemic ?
and his tweets went viral .
What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next ?
Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn ’ t dangerous if you get it , he should have himself infected to prove his point .
When Trump talks about matters he knows about , but when he talks about medicine and science , you can take it to the mountebank .
“ What the hell are you doing ?
” No one is more hip than Trump , One day it will be like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he thinks and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them .
The origin of the word is French — they haven ’ t given up .
They ’ re huddled to decide on the next play .
He is indeed uniuqe Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid ; and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant .
Trump is more or less correct .
When Trump heard that people are stocking up What ’ s good for the stock market is good for the nation .
What @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump ?
More women should strive to become models , No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does .
When the primaries are over he wants to be the one left .
To slow the spread of the coronavirus Bottom of the night to you .
Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump .
So why should he be afraid of a virus ?
He knows that “ vir ” means man .
The sanders in the hourglass from getting information of substance .
Don ’ t spread the virus to your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ book hospitals .
He needed to be reminded about that .
He needs to be reminded in general .
Has he ever had a mind ?
Trump couldn ’ t take his own temperature .
That was far too complicated for him to understand .
No need to panic .
and watch the old mill streaming .
would help him with his other problem .
Streaming is becoming obsolete over night .
Everyone is adopting the new video standard .
He complained that wasn ’ t enough .
So God made him a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is ending negativity .
Soon everyone will test positive .
Coping with the threat of coronavirus is like having a baby .
You are likely to end up with When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century she was greeted by And she was surprised to learn that Twettle-dum was President of the United States .
because he heard that the current health crisis at the very beginning .
We ’ re in it because we have no president .
“ Is that when you chop down when the level of lies reaches a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wonder the baseball season was cancelled .
The virus came from bats .
had a smile on his face .
“ What makes you so happy today ?
” asked his caregiver .
“ I now have a reason to live , ” he replied .
“ I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave .
”

184
Cause of the pandemic?
Trump’s reign became toxic
and his tweets went viral.
185
Jail to the chef!
What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next?
186
Suggestion:
Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn’t dangerous if you get it,
he should have himself infected to prove his point.
187
Have faith —
When Trump talks about matters he knows about,
he lies compulsively;
but when he talks about medicine and science,
you can take it to the mountebank.
188
The presidential hopeful flew to Florida
and started climbing palm trees.
A news reporter asked:
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Money matters in elections.
So I’m greasing the palms.”
189
No one is more hip than Trump,
transforming the nation from
democracy
hypocrisy.
190
Trump is a virus.
One day it will be like a miracle.
He will disappear.
191
Ah! No wonder he thinks
he owns this business
and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them.
The origin of the word is French —
par Don
192
Donny Boy,
when thinking about immigration, remember
the huddled masses
aren’t losers;
they haven’t given up.
They’re huddled to decide on the next play.
193
Trump deserves credit.
He is indeed uniuqe
Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid;
and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant.
194
Trump is more or less correct.
The more-on
learns no less-ons.
195
When Trump heard that people are stocking up
for the coronavirus,
he was delighted.
What’s good for the stock market is good for the nation.
196
What cartoon character is a role model for Trump?
Tweety Bird.
197
“Fox” in German
is “fuchs.”
In plain English
it’s “fucks.”
198
More women should strive to become models,
like Elizabeth Warren —
role models
199
No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does.
When the primaries are over
he wants to be the one left.
200
To slow the spread of the coronavirus
authors should regularly use linguistic cleansers
and word sanitizers.
201
St. Patrick’s Day greeting for Trump —
Bottom of the night to you.
202
New plan to combat coronavirus —
Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump.
203
Trump took Latin in high school.
So why should he be afraid of a virus?
He knows that “vir” means man.
It’s manly to have a virus.
204
Just biden your time.
The sanders in the hourglass
will flow away.
205
Trump is fighting substance abuse
by preventing the public
from getting information of substance.
206
Please wear surgical gloves when reading.
Don’t spread the virus to your books.
There are limited beds in book hospitals.
207
Symptoms of a pandemic —
Stadiums are closed.
Theaters are closed.
Schools are closed.
Businesses are closed.
Minds are closed.
208
Trump didn’t remember
eliminating the NSC pandemic unit.
He needed to be reminded about that.
He needs to be reminded in general.
Has he ever had a mind?
209
Trump couldn’t take his own temperature.
That was far too complicated for him to understand.
So he called a temp agency.
210
Cool it.
No need to panic.
Relax at home,
and watch the old mill streaming.
211
They finally convinced Trump
to get tested
because the testosterone
would help him with his other problem.
212
Streaming is becoming obsolete over night.
Everyone is adopting the new video standard.
Covid-19 is everywhere.
213
God offered Trump wit.
He complained that wasn’t enough.
So God made him a twit instead.
214
Think positive.
The spread of coronavirus is ending negativity.
Soon everyone will test positive.
215
Coping with the threat of coronavirus
is like having a baby.
You are likely to end up with
stress marks.
216
When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century
she was greeted by
Tweetle-dee and Tweedle-dum.
And she was surprised to learn that
Twettle-dum was President of the United States.
217
Trump banned all pandas
especially performing ones
because he heard that the current health crisis
is a panda mimic.
218
Trump was prophetic —
He washed his hands
of the coronavirus
at the very beginning.
219
This problem is unpresidented —
We’re in it because we have no president.
220
Johnson offered the Great Society.
Trump offers the Great Anxiety.
221
Removal of Trump from office
is elective surgery
that can’t be postponed.
222
“What’s tree-age?” asks Trump.
“Is that when you chop down
all trees over 60 years old?”
223
Product suggestion —
A bull-shit-o-meter.
An add-on for streaming news.
Automatically shuts off the programming
when the level of lies reaches a limit set by the viewer.
224
No wonder the baseball season was cancelled.
The virus came from bats.
225
A ninety-old man with severe depression
had a smile on his face.
“What makes you so happy today?” asked his caregiver.
“I now have a reason to live,” he replied.
“I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave.”


glossynews--2020-04-28--TRUMP NEWS CONFERENCE IN THE NEAR FUTURE

Good afternoon , vile , evil , smelly , ugly , evil , evil members of the third-rate reporters who should kill themselves in a disgusting horrible – the pussies should throw acid in their faces .
Let ’ s forget the virus for now .
So , so depressing although we did reach our goal .
We now total 100 , 002 deaths nationally .
Remember when I predicted 100,000 deaths ?
People tell me all the time I would have made a great scientist… maybe a Nobel prize .
Maybe two… Who knows ?
So… 100,000 , no @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Oh , 100 , 013 .
Another 15 deaths as we speak .
I don ’ t get enough credit .
Aren ’ t you sick of all those nurses , respiration therapists ?
You notice a lot of those nurses are men .
Men .
You believe that ?
Didn ’ t use to be .
Anyway , a doctor or two .
The New York ones .
Jews .
Many , many Jews .
Great Americans .
I ’ d have them over to my home .
Not on Christmas .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ What a disgrace .
What happened to Christ ?
So , I was watching my programs last night… I got a genius idea… a cure for the virus… I haven ’ t run this by Debbie and Dr. Faucsi .
We need to get him a couple phone books to stand on… Mike will you get on that ?
What they ought to do is cut open the patient ’ s chests… ventilators , ventilators , who needs them ?
Cut them open till you see their lungs , you see .
Then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , got to be careful , turn on the blow torch with the flame , you see , and wave it back and forth over their lungs and the heat kills the viruses .
Burns them right up .
Let ’ s try it .
Okay ?
What do we got to lose ?
Debbie ’ s gon na talk now .
She ’ s not bad looking for an old broad .
Okay , Debbie thinks my idea is great .
I see it on her face .
I ’ m leaving @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back .
The lame stream media really stinks this afternoon .
I wish you would all kill themselves like they do in Russia .
Oh , yeah .
Sew the guy up .
Don ’ t forget .
Sew… He ’ s okay .
Got ta go .

Good afternoon, vile, evil, smelly, ugly, evil, evil members of the third-rate reporters who should kill themselves in a disgusting horrible – the pussies should throw acid in their faces.
Let’s forget the virus for now. So, so depressing although we did reach our goal. We now total 100, 002 deaths nationally. Remember when I predicted 100,000 deaths? People tell me all the time I would have made a great scientist… maybe a Nobel prize. Maybe two… Who knows?
So… 100,000, no, 100,002, right, Mike? Oh, 100, 013. Another 15 deaths as we speak. I don’t get enough credit. Aren’t you sick of all those nurses, respiration therapists? You notice a lot of those nurses are men. Men. You believe that? Didn’t use to be.
Anyway, a doctor or two. The New York ones. Jews. Many, many Jews. Great Americans. I’d have them over to my home. Not on Christmas. Ha, ha! Happy Holidays. What a disgrace. What happened to Christ?
So, I was watching my programs last night… I got a genius idea… a cure for the virus… I haven’t run this by Debbie and Dr. Faucsi. We need to get him a couple phone books to stand on… Mike will you get on that?
What they ought to do is cut open the patient’s chests… ventilators, ventilators, who needs them? Cut them open till you see their lungs, you see. Then you get a blow torch and careful, got to be careful, turn on the blow torch with the flame, you see, and wave it back and forth over their lungs and the heat kills the viruses. Burns them right up. Let’s try it. Okay? What do we got to lose?
Debbie’s gonna talk now. She’s not bad looking for an old broad. Okay, Debbie thinks my idea is great. I see it on her face.
I’m leaving now. I won’t be back. The lame stream media really stinks this afternoon. I wish you would all kill themselves like they do in Russia.
Oh, yeah. Sew the guy up. Don’t forget. Sew… He’s okay. Gotta go.
(Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough. He leaves coughing)