glossynews--2020-01-17--Senate Stunner: 100 Senators Recuse Themselves From Jury Duty In Trump’s Impeachment Trial

Washington , DC- On Thursday , with a pounding of his wooden gavel , Chief Justice John Roberts officially kick started the first phase of President Donald Trump ’ s impeachment trial .
In a shocking turn of events , all 100 Senators recused themselves from being sworn in .
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer , told CNN Host Chris Cuomo on his prime time show last night , “ Look , it ’ s one thing to be deceptive on television , or even on the Senate floor , during the course of ‘ normal , ’ events , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ didn ’ t take an oath to be honest or impartial before I sat in this chair to speak with you , but Chief Justice Roberts made the request .
You can ’ t lie to the Supreme Court , it is hallow ground .
I see the Chief Justice as an extension of that .
I had no choice but to recuse myself , nor did any of my colleagues .
” Senator Rand Paul ( R-KY ) had a similar view in a statement he posted to Shitter : “ When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I felt like I didn ’ t have many options .
I could either lie to the head of the Supreme Court , or I could recuse myself .
I ’ ve spoken with Chief Roberts on numerous occasions , and his bullshit detector is unmatched .
Had I taken that oath , there would be a good chance that I ’ d find myself in a jail cell before all was said and done.
” Senator Susan Collins ( R-MA ) , sighted the long term effects of involving herself in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Majority Leader Mitch McConnell ( R-KY ) was jubilant after his recusal , “ My only concern is preserving the majority in the Senate .
If the President wants to defend himself , more power to him .
This situation has gotten out of hand , and we can ’ t keep pretending that we ’ re concerned about rule of law .
Now is the time to let The Rule Of Law decide .
I trust the judgement of the Chief Justice .
I ’ m sure he will make the RIGHT @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Republican Party will be forced to stand behind this President.
” Senator Bernie Sander ( I-VT ) , in a YouTube video to his followers , seemed visibly annoyed , confessing , “ This came straight from Perez over at the DNC .
He advised all the Presidential Candidates to recuse themselves .
We can ’ t have Mayor Pete and all of those Billionaires out there campaigning while we ’ re sitting through a trial .
Under no circumstances can we allow these guys to be on the stump while we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ duties .
I don ’ t like it , but it ’ s a very shrewd strategy.
” At the conclusion of the day , Chief Justice Roberts spoke with reporters from the steps of the Senate building .
“ Sure , I was surprised when all of them recused themselves , but I think it ’ s for the best .
Remember , the Supreme Court is the only branch of the government that has a positive net favor-ability rating , and I think that speaks volumes .
Now that I can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the court to as many journalist as the Senate floor can hold .
All Senators that have recused themselves will be forced to watch the proceedings from somewhere else .
I will be calling witnesses to the stand , how many , and whom , will be determined as the trial proceeds .
I look forward to the opportunity to hear the evidence , and make a judgement on behalf of all Americans .
I commend the members of the Senate for their sound Judgement.
” The Impeachment trial of Donald Trump is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This story is ongoing… more information will be provided as further details emerge .

DC- On Thursday, with a pounding of his wooden gavel, Chief Justice John Roberts officially kick started the first phase of President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial. In a shocking turn of events, all 100 Senators recused themselves from being sworn in.
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) told reporters afterward:
“Chief Justice Roberts asked me to take an oath of impartiality, and, knowing my heart, my conscience, and the gravity of the moment, could not in good faith solemnly swear to be impartial… because I’m not. I did what I thought was best for the country, just like the rest of my colleagues.”
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, told CNN Host Chris Cuomo on his prime time show last night, “Look, it’s one thing to be deceptive on television, or even on the Senate floor, during the course of ‘normal,’ events, but this is something different. I didn’t take an oath to be honest or impartial before I sat in this chair to speak with you, but Chief Justice Roberts made the request. You can’t lie to the Supreme Court, it is hallow ground. I see the Chief Justice as an extension of that. I had no choice but to recuse myself, nor did any of my colleagues. ”
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) had a similar view in a statement he posted to Shitter:
“When forced to take an oath of impartiality, I felt like I didn’t have many options. I could either lie to the head of the Supreme Court, or I could recuse myself. I’ve spoken with Chief Roberts on numerous occasions, and his bullshit detector is unmatched. Had I taken that oath, there would be a good chance that I’d find myself in a jail cell before all was said and done.”
Senator Susan Collins (R-MA), sighted the long term effects of involving herself in Culture Wars for her recusal:
“I fell on the Brett Kavanaugh sword for this administration, and it has gained me nothing. My centrist image has been irreparably tarnished, and for the first time in my career, I feel very uncertain about my election prospects this year, and in the future. I’m done with these Culture Wars and purity tests. I’ll defer to the opinions of the Chief Justice and let him decide. I’m sitting this one out.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was jubilant after his recusal, “My only concern is preserving the majority in the Senate. If the President wants to defend himself, more power to him. This situation has gotten out of hand, and we can’t keep pretending that we’re concerned about rule of law. Now is the time to let The Rule Of Law decide. I trust the judgement of the Chief Justice. I’m sure he will make the RIGHT decision. Now, no one in the Republican Party will be forced to stand behind this President.”
Senator Bernie Sander (I-VT), in a YouTube video to his followers, seemed visibly annoyed, confessing, “This came straight from Perez over at the DNC. He advised all the Presidential Candidates to recuse themselves. We can’t have Mayor Pete and all of those Billionaires out there campaigning while we’re sitting through a trial. Under no circumstances can we allow these guys to be on the stump while we’re bogged down with our Senate duties. I don’t like it, but it’s a very shrewd strategy.”
Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), shared Bernie’s sentiment:
“There’s nothing I’d rather do than vote to Impeach the President, but the DNC made a very good point. We can’t let the Billionaires and the Moderates have free reign with their campaigns, while those of us with Jobs are forced to stay in Washington. It pains me to step aside, but, we’re trying to make history here.”
At the conclusion of the day, Chief Justice Roberts spoke with reporters from the steps of the Senate building. “Sure, I was surprised when all of them recused themselves, but I think it’s for the best. Remember, the Supreme Court is the only branch of the government that has a positive net favor-ability rating, and I think that speaks volumes. Now that I can determine the rules, we will open the court to as many journalist as the Senate floor can hold. All Senators that have recused themselves will be forced to watch the proceedings from somewhere else. I will be calling witnesses to the stand, how many, and whom, will be determined as the trial proceeds. I look forward to the opportunity to hear the evidence, and make a judgement on behalf of all Americans. I commend the members of the Senate for their sound Judgement.”
The Impeachment trial of Donald Trump is expected to begin on Monday morning. This story is ongoing… more information will be provided as further details emerge.


glossynews--2020-01-24--National Weather Service Issues Rare Shitter Warning

Washington , DC- On Friday morning , Louis W. Uccellini , the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration ’ s Assistant Administrator for Weather Services ( NOAAA for WS ) , and Director of the National Weather Service ( NWS ) issued a rare warning on Shitter , predicting heavy Virtual Shit Storms for all social media platforms on Saturday .
“ President Trump ’ s lawyers will be starting arguments for his Impeachment defense on Saturday , and all social media users , especially those on Shitter , should expect Virtual Shit Storms ( VSS ) throughout the day .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ of harsh vitriol throughout the day , and into the early hours of Sunday .
If your bullshit detector is strong , we highly recommend avoiding the following platforms at least until the early afternoon on Sunday.
” Check out more Satire from Fort Nag : Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow The National Weather Service recommends that Americans avoid the following social media platforms this weekend , please note specific days and times , as they will vary from platform to platform : Shitter– This @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be affected due to the Presidents preference for the platform .
We ’ re predicting Category 5 VSS activity beginning late Friday night , and lasting through mid-day Sunday .
Fecesbook– Expect your most extreme friends and family members from the 50 something crowd to ruin your social media experience beginning early Saturday morning , and continuing throughout most of the day .
Category 3 VSS activity is expected , but should taper off around 9:00 PM EST .
YouLube– This is technically the most popular social media platform in the United States @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time required to produce high quality videos , we expect Category 3 VSS activity to begin late Saturday morning , with a severe upturn to Category 5 VSS activity in the early morning hours of Sunday morning .
This activity should run through to the end of the impeachment trial .
It should be noted that since its inception in 2005 , YouLube has experienced a total of 8 days in which VSS activity dipped below Category 3 levels .
The average VSS for the YouLube platform is a Category 3.5 .
Instacram– @ @ @ @ @ @ @ also boasts the youngest average user age , 19.5 years old , of all mentioned social media platforms .
Because of this factor , we are predicting no greater than Category 2 VSS activity due to a lack of overall interest .
VSS activity is expected to peak around mid-day Saturday , and should taper off to a Category 1 level by 5:30 Saturday evening .
“ We hope that all Americans take this information into account , and heed our warnings .
Citizens should note that these predictions are preliminary , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Senate hearings precede throughout the day .
We ask that all social media users visit the National Weather Service website for up to the minute updates , and additional information .
Please be safe.
” Have you or a loved one lived through a Category 4 , or higher , VSS and lived to tell the tale ?
Share your story in the comments field below .
No animals were harmed while researching or writing this story .
Satire Warning : The preceding content is for entertainment purposes only .
User discretion has @ @ @

Washington, DC- On Friday morning, Louis W. Uccellini, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Assistant Administrator for Weather Services(NOAAA for WS), and Director of the National Weather Service (NWS) issued a rare warning on Shitter, predicting heavy Virtual Shit Storms for all social media platforms on Saturday.
“President Trump’s lawyers will be starting arguments for his Impeachment defense on Saturday, and all social media users, especially those on Shitter, should expect Virtual Shit Storms (VSS) throughout the day. Users should be prepared for unprecedented levels of harsh vitriol throughout the day, and into the early hours of Sunday. If your bullshit detector is strong, we highly recommend avoiding the following platforms at least until the early afternoon on Sunday.”
Check out more Satire from Fort Nag:
James Cameron Announces “New” New Terminator Movie
Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow
Tucker Carlson Declares War Against Color… Specifically Blue
The National Weather Service recommends that Americans avoid the following social media platforms this weekend, please note specific days and times, as they will vary from platform to platform:
Shitter– This popular platform is the most likely to be affected due to the Presidents preference for the platform. We’re predicting Category 5 VSS activity beginning late Friday night, and lasting through mid-day Sunday.
Fecesbook– Expect your most extreme friends and family members from the 50 something crowd to ruin your social media experience beginning early Saturday morning, and continuing throughout most of the day. Category 3 VSS activity is expected, but should taper off around 9:00 PM EST.
YouLube– This is technically the most popular social media platform in the United States, but due to the amount of time required to produce high quality videos, we expect Category 3 VSS activity to begin late Saturday morning, with a severe upturn to Category 5 VSS activity in the early morning hours of Sunday morning. This activity should run through to the end of the impeachment trial. It should be noted that since its inception in 2005, YouLube has experienced a total of 8 days in which VSS activity dipped below Category 3 levels. The average VSS for the YouLube platform is a Category 3.5.
Instacram– The youngest of these platforms, Instacram also boasts the youngest average user age, 19.5 years old, of all mentioned social media platforms. Because of this factor, we are predicting no greater than Category 2 VSS activity due to a lack of overall interest. VSS activity is expected to peak around mid-day Saturday, and should taper off to a Category 1 level by 5:30 Saturday evening.
“We hope that all Americans take this information into account, and heed our warnings. Citizens should note that these predictions are preliminary, and may undergo severe VSS swings as the Senate hearings precede throughout the day. We ask that all social media users visit the National Weather Service website for up to the minute updates, and additional information. Please be safe.”
Have you or a loved one lived through a Category 4, or higher, VSS and lived to tell the tale? Share your story in the comments field below.
No animals were harmed while researching or writing this story.
Satire Warning: The preceding content is for entertainment purposes only. User discretion has been advised.


glossynews--2020-02-06--Tony “Nice Advice Blair” Comforts Despondent Boris

Widely admired MakeTheBestOfItEr and subterranean sack of squirming oyster spunk Tony “ Nice Advice ” Blair has offered some spiffing career advice to fellow overhyped spafflord Boris “ Bugger ’ Em Sherbetways ” Johnson .
The Times of LONDON ( NB ! )
stunningly and bravely noted that Awwah Tony , reflecting on past victories like the Peaceful Liberations of Liberia , Afghanistan and Tibet ( oh well let ’ s throw in Libya for luck then ! )
, mused in his usual inscrutably endearing manner : Brexit is happening , and our attitude now should be to strive @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to approach it with determined optimism , not looking .
Be optimistic and make it work , Tony Blair tells RemainersTony Blair today ended his three-and-a-half-year campaign of opposition to Brexit , telling remainers they now need to…www.thetimes.co.uk Our confidential anonymous sources in the Westminster spaffposting community have also dealt me a borderline salty leak : It ’ s OK Boris , we all know where you ’ re coming from .
People always question your judgment , it ’ s all part of the great game .
But just remember , they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ driving seats , making the tough decisions !
I mean hindsight is 20/20 , that ’ s what I always say .
Personally I ’ m sick of people coming up to me afterwards crying about how they don ’ t like my decisionmaking .
Well it ’ s a bit late for that one now , isn ’ t it ?
I mean , why didn ’ t they say anything before ?
I mean , I ’ m always ready to hear constructive criticism , but the whole point of this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ courage to pipe up a little before I actually make some kind of terrible honest mistake of some kind or another , I mean y ’ know , if you want to put it that way !
I mean you just mark my words , like personally I know I ’ ve never once ignored someone or been somehow , y ’ know smug or dismissive , or something of that ilk , or y ’ know whatever , purely because someone merely had the temerity to offer a contrary opinion .
I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ indeed , I mean to tell you the truth , anyway , well I really do rather wish people would speak up a little bit more and help me make decisions in a more consensual , democratic manner , rather than just as it were , y ’ know , cutting me adrift and leaving me to go it alone , when I ’ ve already begged them all a million times to give me some constructive , intelligent feedback on my proposals !
My favorite saying in these situations is : “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t you listen to me before ?
I mean , if only , if only , IF ONLY you ’ d listened to me when I told you to give me some helpful feedback on my latest cunning plan , I might have actually had a chance to weigh it carefully and then we ’ d have been alright ?
But I mean there ’ s no point getting upset now then , is there ?
Next time maybe follow my advice , OK ?
We all know nobody in the entire history @ @ @ @ @ @ @ listening to my helpful suggestions .
What could possibly go wrong ?
?
?
” Untold entirely unarmed and equally entirely unincinerated civilians agree with this stunning and brave act of grand scale political performance theatre .
Like about a hundred billion or so , last time I heard .
Well , let ’ s not get hung up on facts anyway .
Life ’ s more exciting that way .

Widely admired MakeTheBestOfItEr and subterranean sack of squirming oyster spunk Tony “Nice Advice” Blair has offered some spiffing career advice to fellow overhyped spafflord Boris “Bugger ’Em Sherbetways” Johnson.
The Times of LONDON (NB!) stunningly and bravely noted that Awwah Tony, reflecting on past victories like the Peaceful Liberations of Liberia, Afghanistan and Tibet (oh well let’s throw in Libya for luck then!), mused in his usual inscrutably endearing manner:
Brexit is happening, and our attitude now should be to strive to make the best of it; to approach it with determined optimism, not looking.
Be optimistic and make it work, Tony Blair tells RemainersTony Blair today ended his three-and-a-half-year campaign of opposition to Brexit, telling remainers they now need to…www.thetimes.co.uk
Our confidential anonymous sources in the Westminster spaffposting community have also dealt me a borderline salty leak:
It’s OK Boris, we all know where you’re coming from. People always question your judgment, it’s all part of the great game. But just remember, they’re not the ones in the driving seats, making the tough decisions! I mean hindsight is 20/20, that’s what I always say. Personally I’m sick of people coming up to me afterwards crying about how they don’t like my decisionmaking. Well it’s a bit late for that one now, isn’t it? I mean, why didn’t they say anything before?
I mean, I’m always ready to hear constructive criticism, but the whole point of this stuff is that you actually take the courage to pipe up a little before I actually make some kind of terrible honest mistake of some kind or another, I mean y’know, if you want to put it that way!
I mean you just mark my words, like personally I know I’ve never once ignored someone or been somehow, y’know smug or dismissive, or something of that ilk, or y’know whatever, purely because someone merely had the temerity to offer a contrary opinion. I mean, Heaven forfend! Sometimes, indeed, I mean to tell you the truth, anyway, well I really do rather wish people would speak up a little bit more and help me make decisions in a more consensual, democratic manner, rather than just as it were, y’know, cutting me adrift and leaving me to go it alone, when I’ve already begged them all a million times to give me some constructive, intelligent feedback on my proposals!
My favorite saying in these situations is:
“Told you so! Why didn’t you listen to me before? I mean, if only, if only, IF ONLY you’d listened to me when I told you to give me some helpful feedback on my latest cunning plan, I might have actually had a chance to weigh it carefully and then we’d have been alright? But I mean there’s no point getting upset now then, is there? Next time maybe follow my advice, OK? We all know nobody in the entire history of the world has ever suffered from listening to my helpful suggestions. What could possibly go wrong???”


glossynews--2020-02-09--Billy Bragg & Boris: Latest Song Parody Unites the Right & Left!

I may be an Eton toff peddling lard and vaseline But now I ’ m full of vanilla sherbet and the only way I see Is to make sure I make a killing of all who oppose my party line She says my fucks are disappointing But I think that I should warn her That my spiffing reign of crazy Now is just around the corner That we ’ ve had our fill of experts and we ’ ll give them merry hell From the first Big Ben pealing !
I ’ m in my gaff in Westminster and the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ asking questions ?
Let ’ s make sure we treat ’ em right And give them 15 seconds of verbal from our speechwriters Mixing graft and politics I ask them what the use is Of idly lamenting Southern wankers and their myriad abuses While looking at the television and Oh darling !
Fleet Street now are waiting Is this finally MY Great Leap Forward ?
Stripping sales are organised and notices are posted Even when the cocaine ’ s run done we ’ ve still piggies to be roasted You can be a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the fishes… Will politics give me the sack ?
Here comes their future , they just can ’ t run from it If you ’ ve got a piggie rump I just want to bum it From PMQT to smashing grams on the dole If no-one ever understands I ’ ll start my own revolution and dial a secret hit on the taxman In a perfect country we ’ d all sing in tune I ’ ve buggered more farm life than Theresa May

I may be an Eton toff peddling lard and vaseline
But now I’m full of vanilla sherbet and the only way I see
Is to make sure I make a killing of all who oppose my party line
And ban letterboxes
She says my fucks are disappointing
But I think that I should warn her
That my spiffing reign of crazy
Now is just around the corner
In the European Union
A Cognac Queen is crying
A tank-topped Belgian kiddiespaffer’s constantly reminded
That we’ve had our fill of experts and we’ll give them merry hell
From the first Big Ben pealing!
I’m in my gaff in Westminster and the only noise I hear
Is lefty tank-topped bum boys
Piccaninnies and watermelon beer
Wait is someone asking questions?
Let’s make sure we treat ’em right
And give them 15 seconds of verbal from our speechwriters
Mixing graft and politics I ask them what the use is
Of idly lamenting Southern wankers and their myriad abuses
While looking at the television and
Oh darling! Fleet Street now are waiting
Is this finally MY Great Leap Forward?
Stripping sales are organised and notices are posted
Even when the cocaine’s run done we’ve still piggies to be roasted
You can be a Cayman wanker’s activist or sleeping with the fishes…
Er, PIGGIES!…
Oh I’m a spaffed up cokehead Eton twat
Will politics give me the sack?
Waiting for MY Great Leap Forward!
Here comes their future, they just can’t run from it
If you’ve got a piggie rump I just want to bum it
It’s a mighty tight way up a piglet’s hole
From PMQT to smashing grams on the dole
If no-one ever understands
I’ll start my own revolution and dial a secret hit on the taxman
In a perfect country we’d all sing in tune
But I’m a pigfucking coke-snorting spaffer loon
So join the farmyard orgy today
I’ve buggered more farm life than Theresa May
WAITING FOR MY GREAT SPAFF FORWARD!


glossynews--2020-02-09--Tyrant Rising… Trump Primes Little Red Button on America’s Minorities!

There is a common tendency to misguidedly give Trump the benefit of the doubt on gender and sexual minorities ( GSM ) , as some people think he is simply going to curb the worst excesses of minority activism ( like giving 5 year old kids sex changes ) .
However , this is a dangerous misconception .
Some of the measures being introduced by Republicans are objectively grotesque and hideously aggressive , and far from restoring some kind of balance between religious and gender/sexual interests , actually go way beyond the letter and spirit of what a lot of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , into outright legal and social persecution .
Much of what Trump and his allies are doing are not simply about reaffirming traditional religious teachings on such matters or restricting the most extreme elements of activism , but about completely disenfranchising GSM individuals , including starving them into submission by driving them out of the workplace .
Essentially , if someone is identified as a GSM individual , they will be able to lose their job and in many cases , be unemployable and either starve to death or be unable to pay @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s appeals to religious liberty and to curbing the excesses of woke culture are deliberately misleading , as this is going way beyond that , and further and further into overt persecution of GSM individuals .
Trump is three years in , and he seems overwhelmingly likely to win again in 2020 , barring a miracle .
It ’ s important to understand that people are not crying wolf over this , and it ’ s not Trump Derangement Syndrome .
Whatever your religious views are , this is not just about religious @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gradually escalating political and legislative war on these people .
There is nothing in the traditional teachings on GSM in most religions to justify the heavy-handed , ultra-aggressive behaviour that is gradually emerging into the open .
Trump has tested the waters over time .
As a Growther , Trump ’ s is aligning himself with the usual alliance of business and religious interests whose Malthusian tendencies perceive GSM individuals to be surplus population who interfere with the smooth running of the economy and society and pose an existential threat to the USA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that takes existing traditional religious teachings and exaggerates them to the point where legalism and an obsessive preference for the letter of right and wrong over grace and mercy and compassion grossly distorts and perverts the fine balance of traditional Christian teaching .
There is nothing ‘ woke ’ about recognising the reality of this .
No matter what religion you follow , and whether or not you follow traditional views on GSM matters , what Trump is doing is unbelievably heavy-handed , and is likely to get worse and worse over time @ @ @ @ @ @ @ towards gender and sexual minority individuals is an unbridled Malthusianist/Growtherist outrage , and it ’ s NOT simply about curbing the worst excesses of GSM activism , nor is it simply about defending traditional religious teachings .
A lot of what he is doing is grotesquely aggressive and heavy-handed , and does not naturally follow from the more traditional or conservative teachings that are being used as a pretext .
This is not about theological revisionism .
It is not about whether the teachings should be changed , revised , renewed or reformed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ slope towards overt persecution of human beings , and it goes way beyond anything most religions , in traditional form or not , can be reasonably understood as permitting .
Be careful not to dismiss all this as scaremongering .
Trump is not simply defending the historical Christian faith , whether you consider that to be Orthodox Christianity , Catholicism , Evangelical , or anything else .
He is using this as a pretext , and as a Trojan horse .
Again , he is not simply undermining postmodernist woke culture .
He @ @ @ @ @ @ @ directly targeting and persecuting GSM individuals , and as the current situation escalates , things are only going to get worse before they get better .
IF they get better .
It is important to draw attention to this topic .
That is not revisionism or heresy .
It is what Jesus would have done .
DISCLAIMER : ALL SERIOUS COMMENTARY PIECES ARE THE PERSONAL VIEWS OF THE WRITER AND ARE NOT NECESSARILY TO BE UNDERSTOOD AS THE OFFICIAL VIEW OF GLOSSY NEWS SATIRE .

There is a common tendency to misguidedly give Trump the benefit of the doubt on gender and sexual minorities (GSM), as some people think he is simply going to curb the worst excesses of minority activism (like giving 5 year old kids sex changes).
However, this is a dangerous misconception.
Some of the measures being introduced by Republicans are objectively grotesque and hideously aggressive, and far from restoring some kind of balance between religious and gender/sexual interests, actually go way beyond the letter and spirit of what a lot of religions teach about GSM in moral terms, into outright legal and social persecution.
Much of what Trump and his allies are doing are not simply about reaffirming traditional religious teachings on such matters or restricting the most extreme elements of activism, but about completely disenfranchising GSM individuals, including starving them into submission by driving them out of the workplace.
Essentially, if someone is identified as a GSM individual, they will be able to lose their job and in many cases, be unemployable and either starve to death or be unable to pay for their medical insurance.
Trump’s appeals to religious liberty and to curbing the excesses of woke culture are deliberately misleading, as this is going way beyond that, and further and further into overt persecution of GSM individuals.
Trump is three years in, and he seems overwhelmingly likely to win again in 2020, barring a miracle.
It’s important to understand that people are not crying wolf over this, and it’s not Trump Derangement Syndrome.
There is a concerted agenda called ‘Project Blitz.’
Whatever your religious views are, this is not just about religious teachings, it’s about a gradually escalating political and legislative war on these people.
There is nothing in the traditional teachings on GSM in most religions to justify the heavy-handed, ultra-aggressive behaviour that is gradually emerging into the open.
Trump has tested the waters over time.
As a Growther, Trump’s is aligning himself with the usual alliance of business and religious interests whose Malthusian tendencies perceive GSM individuals to be surplus population who interfere with the smooth running of the economy and society and pose an existential threat to the USA.
This is a radically overhyped view that takes existing traditional religious teachings and exaggerates them to the point where legalism and an obsessive preference for the letter of right and wrong over grace and mercy and compassion grossly distorts and perverts the fine balance of traditional Christian teaching.
There is nothing ‘woke’ about recognising the reality of this.
No matter what religion you follow, and whether or not you follow traditional views on GSM matters, what Trump is doing is unbelievably heavy-handed, and is likely to get worse and worse over time.
Trump’s escalating legal hostility towards gender and sexual minority individuals is an unbridled Malthusianist/Growtherist outrage, and it’s NOT simply about curbing the worst excesses of GSM activism, nor is it simply about defending traditional religious teachings.
I repeat:
A lot of what he is doing is grotesquely aggressive and heavy-handed, and does not naturally follow from the more traditional or conservative teachings that are being used as a pretext.
This is not about theological revisionism.
It is not about whether the teachings should be changed, revised, renewed or reformed.
It is about a huge slippery slope towards overt persecution of human beings, and it goes way beyond anything most religions, in traditional form or not, can be reasonably understood as permitting.
Be careful not to dismiss all this as scaremongering.
Trump is not simply defending the historical Christian faith, whether you consider that to be Orthodox Christianity, Catholicism, Evangelical, or anything else.
Trump is not simply defending religion.
He is using this as a pretext, and as a Trojan horse.
Again, he is not simply undermining postmodernist woke culture.
He is going way beyond that, into directly targeting and persecuting GSM individuals, and as the current situation escalates, things are only going to get worse before they get better.
IF they get better.
It is important to draw attention to this topic.
That is not revisionism or heresy.
It is a moral necessity.
It is what Jesus would have done.
DISCLAIMER: ALL SERIOUS COMMENTARY PIECES ARE THE PERSONAL VIEWS OF THE WRITER AND ARE NOT NECESSARILY TO BE UNDERSTOOD AS THE OFFICIAL VIEW OF GLOSSY NEWS SATIRE.
Originally published on Medium.


glossynews--2020-02-11--Trump & Biden Fans Provide Amazing Tinder Guide for Pros!

Unhinged randy Kool Aid bandits Donald J. Trump and Joe Biden have decided to bury their proverbial/Freudian hatchets , although probably not in each others backs at least !
Here is their hysterically intelligent and flamboyantly hi-energy guide to Tinder seduction .
No astroturf , no bussing in , just sheer unadulterated grassroots rock ‘ n ’ roll , with 100 % un-FAKE rave reviews all round !
2 .
Change ‘ Deleting this at the weekend ’ to ‘ Never deleting this ever.
’ 5 .
Change ‘ Where are have all the real men gone ’ to ‘ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ under the patio gone ?
’ 6 .
Change ‘ Sex Positive ’ to ‘ Zinc-deprived Onanist in serious need of affirmation from someone who doesn ’ t have the slightest clue about the existence of randy rando virtue signalling.
’ 7 .
Change ‘ No Tories please ’ to ‘ I really , really , really need a shag.
’ 8 .
Change ‘ No goddamn Mexicans and illegals… this is America , love it or leave it !
’ to ‘ Why do they hate us so much ?
’ 9 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ really , REALLY nice guy !
Why won ’ t bitches answer my profile !
’ to ‘ Stay away from Zinkies .
BTW , what do you think about exhibit A !
’ 10 .
Change ‘ No shallow or superficial people please ’ to ‘ Yup , still a zinky !
’ 11 .
Change ‘ Can ’ t believe I ’ m still a virgin at this age , anybody care to assist me in this baneful predicament ’ to ‘ Aaaaaaaaaaaand , another zinky !
’ 12 .
Change @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Oh God I hope these people know about memes , maybe if I throw in a Pepe reference they will like me , I ’ m like so down with the latest trends… .
HEY BITCH WHERE ’ S YOUR DEGREE ?
?
?
?
?
’ 13 .
‘ Currently trying to come to terms with my privilege , any of you ladies wan na help me out here ?
’ to ‘ I pay BIG money for women to wipe my a $ $ , howbowdah sweetheart ?
!
’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ to ‘ I ’ m a racist POS but it ’ s OK , at least I didn ’ t vote for one !
’ 15 .
Change ‘ Almost certainly not a catfish ’ to ‘ Aaaaaand the most original joke in Silicon Valley history goes to… !
’ 16 .
Change ‘ Hey juschillin ’ here to see what ’ s goin ’ down ladies , no NSA please !
’ to ‘ I really , really , REALLY need my dick sucked so damn bad !
PWEEEEEEZE don ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Light District , it ’ s against my morals !
: ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ’

Unhinged randy Kool Aid bandits Donald J. Trump and Joe Biden have decided to bury their proverbial/Freudian hatchets, although probably not in each others backs at least!
Here is their hysterically intelligent and flamboyantly hi-energy guide to Tinder seduction.
No astroturf, no bussing in, just sheer unadulterated grassroots rock ‘n’ roll, with 100% un-FAKE rave reviews all round!
1. Change ‘No Drama’ to ‘Pro Drama.’
2. Change ‘Deleting this at the weekend’ to ‘Never deleting this ever.’
3. Change ‘No feminists please’ to ‘No gender traitors with internalised misogyny.’
4. Change ‘No fuckboys please’ to ‘I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck-boys only please.’
5. Change ‘Where are have all the real men gone’ to ‘Where have all the dudes I buried under the patio gone?’
6. Change ‘Sex Positive’ to ‘Zinc-deprived Onanist in serious need of affirmation from someone who doesn’t have the slightest clue about the existence of randy rando virtue signalling.’
7. Change ‘No Tories please’ to ‘I really, really, really need a shag.’
8. Change ‘No goddamn Mexicans and illegals… this is America, love it or leave it!’ to ‘Why do they hate us so much?’
9. Change ‘I’m a really, REALLY nice guy! Why won’t bitches answer my profile!’ to ‘Stay away from Zinkies. BTW, what do you think about exhibit A!’
10. Change ‘No shallow or superficial people please’ to ‘Yup, still a zinky!’
11. Change ‘Can’t believe I’m still a virgin at this age, anybody care to assist me in this baneful predicament’ to ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaand, another zinky!’
12. Change ‘Pineapple belongs on pizza’ to ‘Oh God I hope these people know about memes, maybe if I throw in a Pepe reference they will like me, I’m like so down with the latest trends…. HEY BITCH WHERE’S YOUR DEGREE?????’
13. ‘Currently trying to come to terms with my privilege, any of you ladies wanna help me out here?’ to ‘I pay BIG money for women to wipe my a$$, howbowdah sweetheart?!’
14. Change ‘No Russian bots’ to ‘I’m a racist POS but it’s OK, at least I didn’t vote for one!’
15. Change ‘Almost certainly not a catfish’ to ‘Aaaaaand the most original joke in Silicon Valley history goes to…!’
16. Change ‘Hey juschillin’ here to see what’s goin’ down ladies, no NSA please!’ to ‘I really, really, REALLY need my dick sucked so damn bad! PWEEEEEEZE don’t make me go to the Red Light District, it’s against my morals! :(((((((((((’
EDITOR’S PICK: MORE TRUMP / BIDEN BULLY PULPITRY!
.http://glossynews.com/top-stories/politicos-and-polticians/201906080700/trumps-childhood-friend-pens-biography-on-trumps-early-years/


glossynews--2020-02-12--Trump Rushed to Walter Reed for Hand Trauma

Washington DC ( AP ) Members of the White House press corps reported an unscheduled flight of Marine One in the wee hours of Wednesday ( i.e.
, around 1:39AM ) .
When queried about the reason for the flight , White House Non-Spokesperson Stephanie Grisham* said it was a training exercise for night evacuations .
Little did she know that she would be ‘ outed ’ ( like the lying sleazebag she is wont to be ! )
when ten year old , self-proclaimed Israeli , cyber-nerd Younas Byte picked up a transmission on his Radio Shack transmitter between @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Trump ’ s personal doctor who has been newly commissioned to the staff of Walter Reed Naval Hospital , and shared it with the wire service .
Apparently , Trump had suffered multiple paper cuts from his rage induced efforts to tear up old Nancy Pelosi speeches that he demanded his staff find for him after his State of the Union delivery .
Sources said that the President ’ s manic attacks on the Speaker ’ s writings left him bleeding profusely ( particularly from his middle finger ) and writhing in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hysterical Melania begged Kelly Anne Conway to do something and the quick witted twit called for a Red Alert .
Soon after , a mewling , whimpering and immobilized Trump was transferred by EMTs to Marine One .
Doctor/Admiral Harry Bornstein met the chopper and escorted the president into the OR .
It was there that the President was administered a terribly painful course of Mercurochrome and had his hands covered in ointment and swathed in gauze to forestall infection .
As an added precaution Doctor/Admiral Harry said he had prescribed , because @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wearing of latex mittens when the President eats his favorite food—The Big Mac Special .
This has apparently delighted the First Lady , because she was overheard to say : “ Good !
Maybe the taste of a rubberized Big Mac and Fries will put him off of the vaša hrana diši po svinjskem dreku.
” * *Author John Grisham has denied there is any family connection with the twit and has said he will gladly undertake a DNA test to prove it , **Rough translation from Slovenian : “ That food that @ @ @ @ @

Washington DC (AP) Members of the White House press corps reported an unscheduled flight of Marine One in the wee hours of Wednesday (i.e., around 1:39AM).
When queried about the reason for the flight, White House Non-Spokesperson Stephanie Grisham* said it was a training exercise for night evacuations.
Little did she know that she would be ‘outed’ (like the lying sleazebag she is wont to be!) when ten year old, self-proclaimed Israeli, cyber-nerd Younas Byte picked up a transmission on his Radio Shack transmitter between Marine One and Rear Admiral Harold Bornstein, Trump’s personal doctor who has been newly commissioned to the staff of Walter Reed Naval Hospital, and shared it with the wire service.
Apparently, Trump had suffered multiple paper cuts from his rage induced efforts to tear up old Nancy Pelosi speeches that he demanded his staff find for him after his State of the Union delivery. Sources said that the President’s manic attacks on the Speaker’s writings left him bleeding profusely (particularly from his middle finger) and writhing in pain.
It is reported that a hysterical Melania begged Kelly Anne Conway to do something and the quick witted twit called for a Red Alert.
Soon after, a mewling, whimpering and immobilized Trump was transferred by EMTs to Marine One.
Doctor/Admiral Harry Bornstein met the chopper and escorted the president into the OR.
It was there that the President was administered a terribly painful course of Mercurochrome and had his hands covered in ointment and swathed in gauze to forestall infection.
As an added precaution Doctor/Admiral Harry said he had prescribed, because of the Grease Cochalcochlae potential, the wearing of latex mittens when the President eats his favorite food—The Big Mac Special.
This has apparently delighted the First Lady, because she was overheard to say:
“Good! Maybe the taste of a rubberized Big Mac and Fries will put him off of the vaša hrana diši po svinjskem dreku.”*
*Author John Grisham has denied there is any family connection with the twit and has said he will gladly undertake a DNA test to prove it,
**Rough translation from Slovenian: “That food that smells like pig s**t.
EDITOR’S PICK! MORE TRUMP TANTRUMS!


glossynews--2020-02-13--Impeachment Defense Lawyer Jokes

Impeachment Defense Lawyer Jokes

EDITOR : The picture above shows that justice is blind .
Not entirely sure what that means .
Any ideas ?
?
?
Why won ’ t white sharks eat impeachment defense lawyers when they go swimming ?
A : They are the same skin color… B : They are both in the same profession… C : Plus , Trump lawyers leave a rancid aftertaste in their mouths !
How many impeachment defense lawyers does it take to win a trial ?
One to twist the statements made by the Democratic lawyers , one to come up with a half @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to repeat this half truth incessantly until people believe it as a full truth , one to besmirch and belittle any Democrats who are accusing them or offering testimony , one to lead listeners down another path away from the main topics , one to chide any rebuttals to the half-truth and one to report the days progress to Herr Trump and get his head patted .
To what religious affiliation do most impeachment lawyers belong ?
To the First Church of the Apostle Judas .
What were impeachment lawyers in their past @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in this life ?
A. Pinocchio ’ s understudy .
B. Caligula ’ s stand-in .
C. A scout for Genghis Khan D. Torture machine inventor for the Inquisition .
E. McCarthy ’ s intern during his anti-Communist campaign F. Enforcer during the formulation of the caste system in India .
G. Nero ’ s fiddle notes holder .
What after school work did impeachment lawyers do as teenagers ?
A. Castrating bulls with their bare hands .
B. Autopsy waste disposal .
C. Fact checking writings to make sure there WASN ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s golf caddy .
What do impeachment lawyers drink and eat during their breaks on the impeachment hearings to keep themselves sharp and combative ?
Why are environmentalists protesting outside Congress during the hearings ?
Because of the amount of carbons being put into the atmosphere from all the flatulent hot air being created there .
Why did Satan create a separate hell for impeachment defense lawyers ?
He didn ’ t want them being a bad influence on the regular residents .
Why are impeachment defense lawyers forbidden to give @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the receiver ’ s go into toxic shock .
How did the impeachment defense lawyer get into heaven ?
He convinced God that killing his wife wasn ’ t really a crime .
How many impeachment defense lawyers would it take to run a country ?
One to convince the working class that they were there for them .
One to convince them to pay their wages through their taxes .
One to pick other people than themselves to go into the military to defend the country .
One to come up with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and any one who opposes them bad .
One to set up offshore hidden slush funds .
One to campaign tirelessly even when there isn ’ t an election near .
One to put on pompous speeches .
One to read the speeches without so much as blinking an eye at its miss-truths .
One to convince voters they were making America better ( Of course while wearing a MAGA cap ) .
One to make sure everyone else is staying in line…….or else !
Why will they not bury impeachment lawyers in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ declared them a toxic substance that might leak out of the coffin .
What do you do if you are bitten by a impeachment defense lawyer ?
Chase after him and get your arm back .
Why do impeachment lawyers not like to smile ?
Why can ’ t lawyers go shopping at a regular shoe store ?
They don ’ t have anything that fits cloven hoofs .
EDITOR ’ S PICK : MORE TRUMP TRAGEDIES TO BE FOUND HERE !

EDITOR: The picture above shows that justice is blind. Not entirely sure what that means. Any ideas???
Why won’t white sharks eat impeachment defense lawyers when they go swimming?
A: They are the same skin color…
B: They are both in the same profession…
C: Plus, Trump lawyers leave a rancid aftertaste in their mouths!
How many impeachment defense lawyers does it take to win a trial?
Eight:
One to twist the statements made by the Democratic lawyers, one to come up with a half truth that seems plausible enough, two to repeat this half truth incessantly until people believe it as a full truth, one to besmirch and belittle any Democrats who are accusing them or offering testimony, one to lead listeners down another path away from the main topics, one to chide any rebuttals to the half-truth and one to report the days progress to Herr Trump and get his head patted.
To what religious affiliation do most impeachment lawyers belong?
To the First Church of the Apostle Judas.
What were impeachment lawyers in their past lives that gave them such amazing talents in this life?
A. Pinocchio’s understudy. B. Caligula’s stand-in. C. A scout for Genghis Khan D. Torture machine inventor for the Inquisition. E. McCarthy’s intern during his anti-Communist campaign F. Enforcer during the formulation of the caste system in India. G. Nero’s fiddle notes holder.
What after school work did impeachment lawyers do as teenagers?
A. Castrating bulls with their bare hands. B. Autopsy waste disposal. C. Fact checking writings to make sure there WASN’T anything true in them. D. Trump’s golf caddy.
What do impeachment lawyers drink and eat during their breaks on the impeachment hearings to keep themselves sharp and combative?
Battery acid, saltpeter, Starbucks Triple Espresso Latte and raw cow.
Why are environmentalists protesting outside Congress during the hearings?
Because of the amount of carbons being put into the atmosphere from all the flatulent hot air being created there.
Why did Satan create a separate hell for impeachment defense lawyers?
He didn’t want them being a bad influence on the regular residents.
Why are impeachment defense lawyers forbidden to give blood transfusions?
Because with out fail the receiver’s go into toxic shock.
How did the impeachment defense lawyer get into heaven?
He convinced God that killing his wife wasn’t really a crime.
How many impeachment defense lawyers would it take to run a country?
Ten:
One to convince the working class that they were there for them.
One to convince them to pay their wages through their taxes.
One to pick other people than themselves to go into the military to defend the country.
One to come up with catchy slogans to make them look good and any one who opposes them bad.
One to set up offshore hidden slush funds.
One to campaign tirelessly even when there isn’t an election near.
One to put on pompous speeches.
One to write misconception laden speeches.
One to read the speeches without so much as blinking an eye at its miss-truths.
One to convince voters they were making America better (Of course while wearing a MAGA cap).
One to make sure everyone else is staying in line…….or else!
Why will they not bury impeachment lawyers in a regular cemetery?
The EPA has declared them a toxic substance that might leak out of the coffin.
What do you do if you are bitten by a impeachment defense lawyer?
Chase after him and get your arm back.
Why do impeachment lawyers not like to smile?
It exposes their fangs.
Why can’t lawyers go shopping at a regular shoe store?
They don’t have anything that fits cloven hoofs.
EDITOR’S PICK: MORE TRUMP TRAGEDIES TO BE FOUND HERE!


glossynews--2020-02-14--Explosive Internal Memos Detail Boeing’s Future Plans for the 737 MAX

Washington , DC- Last week , the Federal Aviation Administration ( FAA ) released a trove of documents related to its investigation into the crashes of Lion Air Flight 610 , and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302 , which killed 346 people and led to the worldwide grounding of the Boeing 737 MAX airliner .
Included within these documents were internal memos regarding the approval process of the 737 Max , as well as emails regarding efforts to manipulate FAA inspectors throughout the approval process .
Much of the content within these documents had been previously known , including internal company @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the plane , describing it as : In another internal email from 2018 , an employee laments : Thus referring to their previous interactions with the FAA .
In another set of emails , one Boeing employee asked another @ The other employee responded with a one word answer : Boeing released a statement following these revelations last weekend : These communications do not reflect the company we are and need to be , and they are completely unacceptable .
We regret the content of these communications , and apologize to the FAA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and to the flying public for them .
We have made significant changes as a company to enhance our safety processes , organizations , and culture .
SATIRE WARNING : The following content is for entertainment purposes only .
User discretion is advised .
Further evaluation of these documents has also revealed that on March 19 , 2019 , one day after aviation authorities around the world had banned the airliner , leadership within Boeing began the process of developing a contingency plan , should the plane be grounded permanently .
According to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ MAX Re-purposed , ” a top level employee suggested that : Another high level employee also suggested turning the MAX into a weapon in an email titled “ AI Kamikaze , ” dated April 17 , 2019 .
This employee seems to go even further , suggesting they had already consulted with company engineers about the idea .
There has been talk of re-purposing the MAX for military application should the FAA balk at re-certification , which I think is brilliant !
After speaking with engineers at SMS , they suggest it would @ @ @ @ @ @ @ D wing of the AS ( Autonomous Systems ) Division for production and development instead .
AS seems to think they can turn the MAX into an AI guided “ Super Missile , ” and they can do it without addressing the programming glitches baked into the MCAS system .
The engineers seem to think we could also add some nuclear elements as well , and turn the MAX into a concealed Tactical Nuclear Weapon .
According to the engineers in AS , we could accomplish the “ Super Missile ” upgrade at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ plane .
I looked the numbers they sent over this morning , and they look solid .
As far as the nuclear option goes… I don ’ t have the numbers yet .
I ’ ll follow up when those have been calculated On the heels of this latest bombshell , Boeing issued a statement : These communications do not reflect the company we are and need to be , and they are completely unacceptable .
We regret the content of these communications , and apologize to the FAA , Congress , our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ public for them .
We have made significant changes as a company to enhance our safety processes , organizations , and culture .
Further attempts for comment from Boeing personnel were denied .
An FAA Spokesperson refused to comment on this story siting department policy .
This story is still developing , and will be updated as additional information becomes available .
What other consumer products are the profiteers of the military industrial complex planning on weaponizing ?
Let me know your worst ideas in the comments section below .
No Animals were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Farticle .
SATIRE WARNING : The preceding content was for entertainment purposes only .
User discretion was advised…

Washington, DC- Last week, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) released a trove of documents related to its investigation into the crashes of Lion Air Flight 610, and Ethiopian Airlines Flight 302, which killed 346 people and led to the worldwide grounding of the Boeing 737 MAX airliner.
Included within these documents were internal memos regarding the approval process of the 737 Max, as well as emails regarding efforts to manipulate FAA inspectors throughout the approval process.
Much of the content within these documents had been previously known, including internal company emails in which employees seemed to mock the plane, describing it as:
[An] airplane… designed by clowns who in turn are supervised by monkeys.
In another internal email from 2018, an employee laments:
I still haven’t been forgiven by God for the covering up I did last year…
Thus referring to their previous interactions with the FAA.
In another set of emails, one Boeing employee asked another@
Would you put your family on a Max simulator trained aircraft? I wouldn’t.
The other employee responded with a one word answer:
No.
Boeing released a statement following these revelations last weekend:
These communications do not reflect the company we are and need to be, and they are completely unacceptable. We regret the content of these communications, and apologize to the FAA, Congress, our airline customers, and to the flying public for them. We have made significant changes as a company to enhance our safety processes, organizations, and culture.
SATIRE WARNING: The following content is for entertainment purposes only. User discretion is advised.
Further evaluation of these documents has also revealed that on March 19, 2019, one day after aviation authorities around the world had banned the airliner, leadership within Boeing began the process of developing a contingency plan, should the plane be grounded permanently.
According to one internal email, titled “737 MAX Re-purposed,” a top level employee suggested that:
[B]ecause of the specific “side-effect” associated with the MCAS (Maneuvering Characteristics Augmentation System), I suggest we transfer production of the MAX to the SMS (Space and Missile Systems) Division and weaponized the asset, should regulators decide not to re-certify.
Another high level employee also suggested turning the MAX into a weapon in an email titled “AI Kamikaze,” dated April 17, 2019. This employee seems to go even further, suggesting they had already consulted with company engineers about the idea.
There has been talk of re-purposing the MAX for military application should the FAA balk at re-certification, which I think is brilliant! After speaking with engineers at SMS, they suggest it would be best to utilize the R and D wing of the AS (Autonomous Systems) Division for production and development instead. AS seems to think they can turn the MAX into an AI guided “Super Missile,” and they can do it without addressing the programming glitches baked into the MCAS system. The engineers seem to think we could also add some nuclear elements as well, and turn the MAX into a concealed Tactical Nuclear Weapon. According to the engineers in AS, we could accomplish the “Super Missile” upgrade at a cost of about 1.5 million per plane. I looked the numbers they sent over this morning, and they look solid. As far as the nuclear option goes… I don’t have the numbers yet. I’ll follow up when those have been calculated
On the heels of this latest bombshell, Boeing issued a statement:
These communications do not reflect the company we are and need to be, and they are completely unacceptable. We regret the content of these communications, and apologize to the FAA, Congress, our airline customers, and to the flying public for them. We have made significant changes as a company to enhance our safety processes, organizations, and culture.
Further attempts for comment from Boeing personnel were denied. An FAA Spokesperson refused to comment on this story siting department policy. This story is still developing, and will be updated as additional information becomes available.
What other consumer products are the profiteers of the military industrial complex planning on weaponizing? Let me know your worst ideas in the comments section below.
No Animals were harmed while researching or writing of this Farticle.
SATIRE WARNING: The preceding content was for entertainment purposes only. User discretion was advised…
EDITOR’S PICK: MORE GLOSSY NEWS SATIRE!


TRUMP BLEATS VICTORY!

After escaping decapitation , King Donald twirled around his country like a crazed ballerina .
He shrieked victory from town to town accompanied by Adam Schiff howling in a cage .
Lord of the Stool Steve Miller administered electric shocks to the former congressman ’ s genitals .
“ Do you know how long it look for me to find Shifty Schiff ’ s dick ?
” the devourer of Mexican babies snorted .
“ He ought to change his name to “ ATOM.
” The thousands of sweaty Trumpaholics jammed in Princess Ivanka Stadium roared until spit rolled off @ @ @ @ @ @ @ legs .
Further delight followed when soldiers pulled in a wagon carrying Nancy Pelosi hanging from a cross .
The crowd growled with hate until the great King Donald now bloated to 400 pounds descended from the heavens on a cloud .
He was wearing a wedding dress and a solid gold toilet around his neck .
After landing , the King strode back and forth across the stage with his gaze fixed on the Heavenly Throne that God had abandoned as the gelatinous masses hunkered down on the stadium floor .
“ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Second Person of the Triune God .
‘ Turn the other cheek ?
’ That ’ s bullshit.
” The masses screeched as they defecated on the ground .
They gurgled , wheezed , and puked in tribute to their Leader .
“ I hereby announce that Vladdie and I got married this afternoon .
Check out this amazing ring !
” he said as he pointed to the golden toilet .
“ I am proud to assume the role of loving wife in our marriage .
”

After escaping decapitation, King Donald twirled around his country like a crazed ballerina. He shrieked victory from town to town accompanied by Adam Schiff howling in a cage. Lord of the Stool Steve Miller administered electric shocks to the former congressman’s genitals.
“Do you know how long it look for me to find Shifty Schiff’s dick?” the devourer of Mexican babies snorted. “He ought to change his name to “ATOM.”
The thousands of sweaty Trumpaholics jammed in Princess Ivanka Stadium roared until spit rolled off their chins and urine ran down their legs. Further delight followed when soldiers pulled in a wagon carrying Nancy Pelosi hanging from a cross.
The crowd growled with hate until the great King Donald now bloated to 400 pounds descended from the heavens on a cloud. He was wearing a wedding dress and a solid gold toilet around his neck.
After landing, the King strode back and forth across the stage with his gaze fixed on the Heavenly Throne that God had abandoned as the gelatinous masses hunkered down on the stadium floor.
“I am replacing Jesus Christ as the Second Person of the Triune God. ‘Turn the other cheek?’ That’s bullshit.”
The masses screeched as they defecated on the ground. They gurgled, wheezed, and puked in tribute to their Leader.
“I hereby announce that Vladdie and I got married this afternoon. Check out this amazing ring!” he said as he pointed to the golden toilet.
“I am proud to assume the role of loving wife in our marriage.”
The masses fainted in ecstasy.
EDITOR’S PICK FROM OUR TALENTED GLOSSY NEWS SATIRISTS


glossynews--2020-02-15--GUESS WHO’S BACK! Trumpisms 5.0

GUESS WHO’S BACK! Trumpisms 5.0

if there is a tomorrow .
Trump is the right person to serve as Commander-in-Chief in this time of crisis .
From his experience with escorts and porn stars he ’ s well qualified to deal with Never run out of thyme .
Never run out of thyme .
I can now get the news immediately , The Trumpite went to court but he didn ’ t want to be known as What is the bridge player ’ s favorite bid ?
we will go after their neighbors — Iphone What I said before was a brain fart , plan @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to help his cause by diverting attention from the impeachment trial .
They call themselves the “ Trumpettes.
” to the throne of America .
and concludes each message with a BS .
he is , by nature , Trump has applied for membership in the American Medical Association on the grounds that he is has come out of hyding , The Last Time I saw Parnas .
the president will shoot you , so he could plead the Fifth .
First uniforms for Trump ’ s Space Force are camouflage .
Makes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the plants on the other plantets of the solar system .
the New York Times and Washington Post got dirt on him .
That meant he would never be washed up .
that as Precedent of the United Mistakes he is above all raisin and flaws .
so he can no longer be called The heart was nominated to run for President because of her strong and steady pulse — at which point they will have evolved to the level of snakes .
Trump is an enema of the people .
is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that ’ s upstanding , why couldn ’ t all the king ’ s lawyers and all the king ’ s eunuchs put him together again ?

114
Sign on White House door:
Gone fission.
Be back tomorrow,
if there is a tomorrow.
115
Definition of nuclear retaliation —
the morning after pill.
Guaranteed to prevent pregnancy.
Every pregnancy.
116
“It’s falling! It’s falling!”
“What?” asked Trump. “What’s falling!”
“The sky is falling.”
“Well, that’s a relief.
I thought you meant the stock market.”
117
Trump is the right person to serve as Commander-in-Chief
in this time of crisis.
From his experience with escorts and porn stars
he’s well qualified to deal with
nuclear whore.
118
Reassuring wis-dumb from Trump:
To avoid Armageddon —
Keep a well-stocked spice chest.
Never run out of thyme.
119
Message from Iran about Trump —
Iya told you so.
120
Reassuring wis-dumb from Trump:
To avoid Armageddon —
Keep a well-stocked spice chest.
Never run out of thyme.
121
Thanks to advancing technology,
I can now get the news immediately,
and watch it screaming.
122
The Trumpite went to court
petitioning to leave the human race.
He didn’t mind being called a racist,
but he didn’t want to be known as
a homo
sapien.
123
What is the bridge player’s favorite bid?
For No Trump
124
Trump promises —
“After dealing with imminent threats
from Iran
and Iraq,
we will go after their neighbors — Iphone
and Iamanidiot.”
125
“Embassy?” asked Trump.
“You say I said MBC?
That’s fake news.
What I said before was a brain fart,
a misfake.”
126
News flash!
A chorus line of Trump escorts and mistresses
plan to dance in front of the Capitol to help his cause
by diverting attention from the impeachment trial.
They call themselves the “Trumpettes.”
127
Trump wears a toupee
because he believes
apparent hair
makes him the hair apparent
to the throne of America.
128
Trump is bullish by nature.
He writes with a bull pen,
and concludes each message with a BS.
129
Trump knows the future.
As a pathological liar,
he is, by nature,
a sooth slayer
130
Trump has applied for membership in the American Medical Association
on the grounds that he is
a hypocritical oaf.
131
The tenth muse,
the muse of impeachment
has come out of hyding,
with a mountain of evidence,
Lev Parnas-sus.
132
Trump’s new theme song —
The Last Time I saw Parnas.
133
On the avenue,
Fifth Avenue,
the president will shoot you,
and you’ll find that you’re
bleeding out in a sewer.
134
Trump built a tower on Fifth Avenue
so he could plead the Fifth.
135
Trump is a constitutional expert —
He takes a constitutional every morning.
136
First uniforms for Trump’s Space Force are camouflage.
Makes sense so they’ll blend in with the plants on the other plantets of the solar system.
137
Trump was delighted when
the New York Times and Washington Post got dirt on him.
That meant he would never be washed up.
138
When Trump is confused
by impreachment,
sub penises,
and testes money,
he takes comfort no-ing
that as Precedent of the United Mistakes
he is above all raisin and flaws.
139
Trump is growing a beard,
so he can no longer be called
a bald-faced liar.
140
The heart was nominated to run for President
because of her strong and steady pulse —
beat Trump, beat Trump, beat Trump.
141
Have faith,
the invertebrate Senate Republicans
will eventually develop spines,
at which point they will have evolved
to the level of snakes.
142
Third article of impeachment —
Trump is an enema of the people.
143
The Dershy Bar
is an insult to both
chocolate and
the rule of law.
144
Instead of a sitting president,
we need one that’s upstanding,
and precedential.
145
When Trumpity Dumpity sat on a wal
and Trumpity Dumpity had a great fall,
why couldn’t all the king’s lawyers
and all the king’s eunuchs
put him together again?
He wasn’t a king
EDITOR’S PICK: MORE TRUMP-TASTIC SATIRE…
FROM RICHARD SELTZER & OTHER GLOSSY NEWS HUMORISTS!


glossynews--2020-02-17--The New Trump Republic! (New Satirist Matthew Pickner)

ED : Welcome to exciting new Glossy News Satire humor head Matthew Pickner !
Bring it on home !
With @ @ @ @ @ news of the Trump Administration ’ s proposed mandate to fashion all new federal buildings @ @ @ @ @ here ’ s a speculative Trump “ refashioning ” of L ’ Enfant ’ s @ @ @ @ @ PICK : MORE FUNK-UP FUN WITH OLD BABYLON DONALD ’ S DICK-TATER-SHIP All about the @ @ @ @ @ Wallace Runnymede thing…

[The following news summary has been approved by the White House Ministry of Clarifying Communications and Truthful Facts, the greatest, most truthlike communications ministry in American history.]
Contrary to the endless lies propagated by fake news sources like CNN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, CBS, NBC, ABC, NPR, and 500 other America-hating, fake media sources, the news lately has been amazingly great. Here’s a summary of the incredibly positive top stories from the past week.
President Trump signed an Executive Order (EO) to override the Circuit Court of Appeals’ unanimous verdict, which had falsely claimed that his Muslim travel ban was a Muslim travel ban and thus unconstitutional and illegal. Trump’s EO officially bans all federal courts that disagree with any of his EOs because his awesome presidential constitutional authority is bigger than the courts’.
President Trump had an amazingly successful first phone call with Queen Margrethe II of Denmark. In a seven-minute call originally scheduled for an hour, the Queen gushed about her adoration for America’s new president and pledged her full submission, we mean, full cooperation to ensure strong diplomatic relations. And if the Danish ambassador says Trump called the Queen a b*tch when she refused to let Trump deport all our Muslims to Denmark, the ambassador’s a lying, whining loser whose wife is a 4 at best.
Fox News confirmed that there’s no truth to rumors that our legitimately elected President colluded with Russian intelligence and Putin to influence the recent election or that this could be proven if he’d only release his tax returns. Russian president Vladimir Putin closed the issue once and for all by issuing a written denial of all the false allegations about Trump being his puppet saying, “Your president is absolutely not my puppet. A marionette, maybe, but definitely not a puppet.”
The entire nation rejoiced at the news that all of President Trump’s brilliant, eminently qualified cabinet picks were confirmed by historically huge margins. His incredibly popular pick for Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, vowed that in her first thirty days, she would, “make Americas’ educasional sistem grate again” by shutting down all public schools and making Christian-based home schooling the only option for K-12 education. Grizzly bears are protesting the decision. Grizzly bears are totally lame.
In more stunningly good news, the White House announced today that job growth in January was the best single month of job growth in history. While several factors contributed to the strong job numbers, most economic experts point to the fact that Donald Trump is the best president in American history, way better than President Obama, who destroyed our economy by shipping the best jobs overseas to his Islamic terrorist pals. Also, Obama was black.
Plans for a wall to keep out Mexico’s population, 74% of whom are notorious rapists and drug lords, are coming along big league. Negotiations are going unbelievably well to get Mexico to pay for it. As a backup plan, in the extremely remote chance Mexico reneges on its promise to foot the bill, talks have begun to get Germany to pitch in. If Angela Merkel refuses, the White House will order WikiLeaks to release documents that prove the German Chancellor is really a man – with really bad fashion sense.
Steve Bannon, continues to do an outstanding job and is the most popular Senior Counselor in American history. President Trump will announce later today that Rasputin, we mean Mr. Bannon, will be given the new title of Minister of the Western American Sector, to oversee the newly designated western third of the country. No word yet on who will be appointed Ministers of the Central and Eastern Sectors, but speculation is heavy that the president’s sons Donald Jr. and Eric will toss a coin to settle the matter.
Rumors that Melania Trump was somehow upset by something President Trump said at the Inauguration are total fabrications. She just had something in her eye. She is doing much better now and does not want to talk to anybody – about anything – for the next four years. All questions for Melania should be directed to the White House Spokesman for Extra-Marital Affairs – Manhattan Branch.
Today, President Trump laid a wreath at a memorial service to commemorate all the victims of the tragic Bowling Green Massacre, which the fake media totally ignored. Victims’ families said the president was incredibly compassionate and good-looking.
The latest polls have been released, and for the fourth consecutive week they show overwhelming support for President Trump. 98% of Americans approve of the job he’s doing and 52% of respondents disagree with the statement “Our president is a f*cking insane narcissist!” Any polls which indicate that our leader has the lowest approval ratings in history are total lies put out by fake polling organizations like Gallup, Quinnipiac and USA Today, all of which are wholly-owned subsidiaries of ISIS.
Recent reports that thousands of people had been protesting at our nation’s airports over the Muslim travel ban turned out to be totally false, of course. Seems they were all simply frustrated over long flight delays at 45 different airports – all caused, coincidentally, by bad weather. When interviewed, travelers all shared how much they loved our president and added, “Is that what you needed me to say? Please don’t take my children away from me – for the love of God, PLEASE!!”
The National Park Service is being reorganized to optimize efficiencies and reduce waste. The President announced that he’s appointed the Chairman of BP Oil to head the NPS. The new boss has pledged to shut down any parks that fail to produce at least 1,000 barrels of oil per day. Americans are thrilled with the President’s decisive action to look for new energy sources. One supporter praised it, saying, “It’s about time. Yosemite was totally overrated!”
In other news, President Trump has issued yet another EO decreeing that the name of the nation’s capital will be officially changed from Washington, D.C. to Trump City. When asked why he was doing this, the President tweeted, “I just like the sound of it. Besides, Washington, D.C. is way too hard to spell.” Upon hearing of our capital’s name change, millions of Americans took to the streets shouting, screaming and chanting their unanimous support for Trump’s most recent bold decision.


glossynews--2020-02-17--The New Trump Republic!

The New Trump Republic!

With this past week ’ s news of the Trump Administration ’ s proposed mandate to fashion all new federal @ @ @ @ @ , here ’ s a speculative Trump “ refashioning ” of L ’ Enfant ’ @ @ @ @ @ the spuds !
Must be a Wallace Runnymede thing…


glossynews--2020-02-27--Billionaire Purple Property Journos Can’t Wait to Tell You About their Foolproof Coronavirus Cunning

Billionaire Purple Property Journos Can’t Wait to Tell You About their Foolproof Coronavirus Cunning Plan!

Well-heeled London glitterati media hacks Jon Snow and Nick Robinson just can ’ t wait to tell you about the latest earth-shattering Coronavirus intervention out there !
Never short of being at the forefront of cutting edge humanitarian interventions to save the world ( Gordon Brown stylee ! )
, billionaire south of the M1 media intellectuals are now here to tell us how they ’ re going to end the virus .
Supping a dram of vintage Pedro Ximenez with Hacked Off Hugh from the safety of the Islington Waitrose deli , Jon Snow says : Frankly , I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ these bloody plebs trying to infect me with their idiotic , anti-Southern hatred !
I try to mingle with these people as little as possible .
So I ’ ve now decided to self-isolate , so that Coronavirus and any other nasty plagues , whether biological or ideological , don ’ t get any more traction in this country !
… .
Then again , it ’ s not like I get out of the house much anyway !
I mean after all , what ’ s the flaming point anyhow ?
I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
And since then , have you ever heard of a single problem in the Middle East , no matter how minisicule ?
Or , indeed , in the world as a whole ?
The mind just boggles doesn ’ t it !
Worth mentioning , you know just in passing like , that me and the BBC ( but some of us more than others , not least ME ! )
singlehandedly managed to end the swelling tide of populist vitriol , hatred and xenophobic racism that the disgusting , filthy , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ upon the entire global village !
So , what better way to stick it to the proles , than to conspicuously isolate myself in my little gated community here for the health of the world , in full view of social media !
Jon and I have made a point of doing this in a very public manner , because having previously seen the utter awe and terror in which mainstream journalists are viewed by the average public ( we ’ re calling mainstream media for a REASON , dammit ! )
, @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as well make use of that idolatrous reverence for reasons of our own .
So now that we ’ ve finally taken the trouble to go out publicly and said ‘ Down with Coronavirus !
Down with populism !
Down with Brexit !
’ there is absolutely no way whatsoever we can possibly fail in singlehandedly ending this terrible disease !
Well I tried shuttering myself away in a classy area of town a million times , and it didn ’ t seem to do me any favours !
Then again , win @ @ @ @ @ @ @ principle that counts !
I ’ m personally not very wedded to results , as long as I win the argument !
Maybe the media and I should compare notes .
Strangely enough , fellow unhinged demagogue Donald J. Trump seems to agree…

Well-heeled London glitterati media hacks Jon Snow and Nick Robinson just can’t wait to tell you about the latest earth-shattering Coronavirus intervention out there!
Never short of being at the forefront of cutting edge humanitarian interventions to save the world (Gordon Brown stylee!), billionaire south of the M1 media intellectuals are now here to tell us how they’re going to end the virus.
Preferably without the help of experts, as our Mikey would say!
Supping a dram of vintage Pedro Ximenez with Hacked Off Hugh from the safety of the Islington Waitrose deli, Jon Snow says:
Frankly, I’m just absolutely SICK of all these bloody plebs trying to infect me with their idiotic, anti-Southern hatred! I try to mingle with these people as little as possible. So I’ve now decided to self-isolate, so that Coronavirus and any other nasty plagues, whether biological or ideological, don’t get any more traction in this country! …. Then again, it’s not like I get out of the house much anyway! I mean after all, what’s the flaming point anyhow? I see myself on TV all the time!
Fellow pasty, pale, stale-and-hearty sub-Watford gap neoliberal heavyweight Nick Robinson barfs and gurgles:
I singlehandedly ended the Iraq myself… Er, sorry the Iraq WAR! And since then, have you ever heard of a single problem in the Middle East, no matter how minisicule? Or, indeed, in the world as a whole? No? Well, funny that! The mind just boggles doesn’t it! Worth mentioning, you know just in passing like, that me and the BBC (but some of us more than others, not least ME!) singlehandedly managed to end the swelling tide of populist vitriol, hatred and xenophobic racism that the disgusting, filthy, disease-ridden pleb scum have managed to unleash upon the entire global village! So, what better way to stick it to the proles, than to conspicuously isolate myself in my little gated community here for the health of the world, in full view of social media! Jon and I have made a point of doing this in a very public manner, because having previously seen the utter awe and terror in which mainstream journalists are viewed by the average public (we’re calling mainstream media for a REASON, dammit!), well y’know, we might as well make use of that idolatrous reverence for reasons of our own. So now that we’ve finally taken the trouble to go out publicly and said ‘Down with Coronavirus! Down with populism! Down with Brexit!’ there is absolutely no way whatsoever we can possibly fail in singlehandedly ending this terrible disease!
Jeremy Corbyn warns:
Well I tried shuttering myself away in a classy area of town a million times, and it didn’t seem to do me any favours! Then again, win or lose, it’s the principle that counts! I’m personally not very wedded to results, as long as I win the argument! Maybe the media and I should compare notes.
Cue the world’s saddest Frank Turner violin solo…
And, guess what?!
Strangely enough, fellow unhinged demagogue Donald J. Trump seems to agree…
… Oh, wait.
MY BAD! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


glossynews--2020-02-27--LeBron Emerges as Trump’s Biggest Threat

By his own admission , Donald Trump knows a lot of words but in recent days , the term “ avoision ” may be at the top of his list .
Having successfully escaped from his impeachment trial , the President seems to be untouchable in the most powerful position on earth .
In the wake of that impeachment collapse , we ’ re all facing up to the reality of a second Trump term , but could there finally be a tangible rival from the world of sport ?
The busiest man on the planet right now is Lebron @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , a journey into the world of politics must surely be a natural step for him .
LeBron ’ s activities have gone under the radar while we ’ ve been reporting on Trump ’ s latest adventures , but the NBA star remains almost as active as the President .
Firstly , he remains an influential basketball player .
In fact , if you take a look at the current NBA betting on bet365 , his LA Lakers team are narrow second favorites for the championship this season , at +290 – @ @ @ @ @ @ @ weeks , James has also managed the winning NBA All Star team and he ’ s just become an author .
LeBron ’ s debut book , I Promise , will be released on August 11th to add to a packed portfolio of work .
In the past , James has hosted Saturday Night Live and he can also claim some acting credits .
President Trump knows a lot of words and has done a lot of things , but we think we ’ ve found his match .
Par for the Course @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s prowess on the basketball court but we do know that he has a tidy golf game .
His prowess on the fairways isn ’ t , however , a match for former North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il , who once recorded 11 holes in one on his way to a round of 34 at the Pyongyang Golf Course .
With that kind of scoring , it ’ s a wonder that we didn ’ t see Kim on the PGA Tour , but what about our more direct rivalry between Donald @ @ @ @ @ @ @ instance , Trump wins in terms of quantity with claims that the President spent one in five days on a course in 2019 .
Lebron , in contrast , was less active on the fairways but unlike Donald Trump , he does have a YouTube channel providing golf lessons to whoever wants to watch .
There ’ s a rivalry here , make no mistake… But will the two men clash on the political stage ?
“ Donald Trump ” ( CC BY-SA 2.0 ) by Gage Skidmore We also know that LeBron @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Democrats .
In 2016 , the NBA star endorsed Hillary Clinton .
He is also on record referring to President Trump as a “ bum.
” So , ladies and gentlemen , while the Democrats squabble over the man , or woman , to go head-to-head with Donald Trump in 2020 , we ’ ve done all the hard work for them .
It was pretty easy in the end : All we needed was a man busier than Trump , who is better at golf and one who clearly holds him in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ next move is yours .

By his own admission, Donald Trump knows a lot of words but in recent days, the term “avoision” may be at the top of his list. Having successfully escaped from his impeachment trial, the President seems to be untouchable in the most powerful position on earth.
In the wake of that impeachment collapse, we’re all facing up to the reality of a second Trump term, but could there finally be a tangible rival from the world of sport? The busiest man on the planet right now is Lebron James and, like most active people, a journey into the world of politics must surely be a natural step for him.
Busy Busy
“LeBron James Homecoming” (CC BY 2.0) by EDrost88
LeBron’s activities have gone under the radar while we’ve been reporting on Trump’s latest adventures, but the NBA star remains almost as active as the President. Firstly, he remains an influential basketball player. In fact, if you take a look at the current NBA betting on bet365, his LA Lakers team are narrow second favorites for the championship this season, at +290 – just behind the Bucks.
In recent weeks, James has also managed the winning NBA All Star team and he’s just become an author. LeBron’s debut book, I Promise, will be released on August 11th to add to a packed portfolio of work. In the past, James has hosted Saturday Night Live and he can also claim some acting credits. President Trump knows a lot of words and has done a lot of things, but we think we’ve found his match.
Par for the Course
We are not familiar with President Trump’s prowess on the basketball court but we do know that he has a tidy golf game. His prowess on the fairways isn’t, however, a match for former North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, who once recorded 11 holes in one on his way to a round of 34 at the Pyongyang Golf Course.
With that kind of scoring, it’s a wonder that we didn’t see Kim on the PGA Tour, but what about our more direct rivalry between Donald Trump and LeBron James? In this instance, Trump wins in terms of quantity with claims that the President spent one in five days on a course in 2019.
Lebron, in contrast, was less active on the fairways but unlike Donald Trump, he does have a YouTube channel providing golf lessons to whoever wants to watch. There’s a rivalry here, make no mistake… But will the two men clash on the political stage?
LeBron’s Leanings
“Donald Trump” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Gage Skidmore
We also know that LeBron James has political leanings which favor the Democrats. In 2016, the NBA star endorsed Hillary Clinton. He is also on record referring to President Trump as a “bum.”
So, ladies and gentlemen, while the Democrats squabble over the man, or woman, to go head-to-head with Donald Trump in 2020, we’ve done all the hard work for them.
It was pretty easy in the end: All we needed was a man busier than Trump, who is better at golf and one who clearly holds him in some contempt. LeBron James – the next move is yours.


glossynews--2020-02-26--PLAY IT BACKWARDS, DAMMIT! Fans Find HORRIFYING Satanic Messages in Paula White’s Prayers!

Part time heavily closeted Satanist and full time not so closeted Satanic loon Paula White-CAIN has recently addressed the Prosperity Gospel Annual Convention at Gilman Hot Springs , California .
Offering up prayers to the self-appointed King of Kings and Lord of Lords , who stood smugly nodding and self-lauding the New Cyrus , David and Messiah 2.0 , the proverbial slayer of Abel ( despite her self-proclaimed prophetic omniscience ) didn ’ t manage to espy our carefully concealed fly on the wall Glossy News Satire transcription experts… PRAYYYYYY backwards , Hear why we kill the oppositionists .
We @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sing , you are NOT one .
How we loathe you now , parishoners ?
Oh hear ME , Christ be not within me .
We stir the churn of sin ; O poisoned rivers , It ’ s swell to see we ’ re lousy .
Mexican lives will end for him .
Confused the Twitter signs You ’ re all sorta shocked To hear Me call Me Lord , Where ’ s YOUR God to save thee ?
!
Do not dream to be saved , From those who abide in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ; All we pray for Three branches who we ’ ll see too late .
Pray now and to see… The Lord turned on me , For I was a lying fool… Magus agony , Falling from a holy height .
No escaping mass rally bullshit , Be on your toes .
Here ’ s to our Sweet Satan .
Take manifest dest ’ ny ’ s path And be not sad , In me ’ s your faith .
Kushner dwells at 666 With evil fools , Who know they ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Families won ’ t be freed , Yea sacrificed to ME !
” DIE , captive worker !
Always me ye see now Wall !
Not ruins !
The world is giv ’ n to me ?
None shall wish your Sovereign ’ s FALL !
Pluck those feathers None shall save turkey !
Only losers follow rules !
And no losers can do .
Hunt migrants by the shore , We see ’ em all from there , Ban fake news Bring non-alt-facts to grief !
No-one speaking truth , but me… @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Donald : I never fail , a classic line-up You ’ re FIRED and FORSAKEN !
Losers just like you… O what may losers do… End those who say your Lord Can not make laws , My math is just tremendous !
Recession ended… Over there , Mexican and Chinaman must serve me .
Any mute I mock with scorn ’ s delusion Invalids , cripples , veterans I shush , It ’ s for my ego ’ s sake .
All round I ’ m sung , No opposition , HO @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Make vanilla sherbet snow seem worthy , How odd I look , O Ritalin-sickly , There ’ s one chance – reality my show !
Tremendous head Hear why my hands are strummed sung here .
Who ’ s sacrificed to mine empire built below ?
I abandon Israel…

Part time heavily closeted Satanist and full time not so closeted Satanic loon Paula White-CAIN has recently addressed the Prosperity Gospel Annual Convention at Gilman Hot Springs, California. Offering up prayers to the self-appointed King of Kings and Lord of Lords, who stood smugly nodding and self-lauding the New Cyrus, David and Messiah 2.0, the proverbial slayer of Abel (despite her self-proclaimed prophetic omniscience) didn’t manage to espy our carefully concealed fly on the wall Glossy News Satire transcription experts…
PRAYYYYYY backwards,
Hear why we kill the oppositionists.
We off track, country DIVING
Now we sing, you are NOT one.
How we loathe you now, parishoners?
Oh hear ME, Christ be not within me.
We stir the churn of sin; O poisoned rivers,
It’s swell to see we’re lousy.
Mexican lives will end for him.
Confused the Twitter signs
You’re all sorta shocked
To hear Me call Me Lord,
Where’s YOUR God to save thee?!
Do not dream to be saved,
From those who abide in the House of Satan..
One nation today;
All we pray for
Three branches who we’ll see too late.
Pray now and to see…
The Lord turned on me,
For I was a lying fool…
Magus agony,
Falling from a holy height.
No escaping mass rally bullshit,
Be on your toes.
Here’s to our Sweet Satan.
Take manifest dest’ny’s path
And be not sad,
In me’s your faith.
Kushner dwells at 666
With evil fools,
Who know they’ll make you
SUFFER SADLY!
Ohohohoh…
“Families won’t be freed,
Yea sacrificed to ME!”
DIE, captive worker!
Always me ye see now
Wall! Not ruins!
The world is giv’n to me?
None shall wish your Sovereign’s FALL!
Pluck those feathers
None shall save turkey!
Only losers follow rules!
And no losers can do.
Hunt migrants by the shore,
We see ’em all from there,
Ban fake news
Bring non-alt-facts to grief!
No-one speaking truth, but me…
Now the tweets are out!
Spake the Donald:
I never fail, a classic line-up
You’re FIRED and FORSAKEN!
Losers just like you…
O what may losers do…
End those who say your Lord
Cannot make laws,
My math is just tremendous! Recession ended…
Over there,
Mexican and Chinaman must serve me.
Any mute I mock with scorn’s delusion
Invalids, cripples, veterans I shush,
It’s for my ego’s sake.
All round I’m sung,
No opposition, HO!
In White House I got blown
Make vanilla sherbet snow seem worthy,
How odd I look, O Ritalin-sickly,
There’s one chance – reality my show!
Tremendous head
Hear why my hands are strummed sung here.
Who’s sacrificed to mine empire built below?
I abandon Israel…


glossynews--2020-02-25--Trumpisms 6.0: Cos You Can’t Keep a Good Hater Down!

he could right the Schiff of state .
Now we need our Trumpxit .
As a cost-saving measure and to prevent foreign meddling , He is confident that he will never be de-tweeted .
Trump ’ s effort to divide the nation will fail — He is a total nothing , a zero ; and you can not divide by zero .
May you never again show your face to the Republic for which you do not stand .
and took them literally , Trump ’ s alternative to healthcare for all — So the record will read that one @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of them should have had a peach .
Why would Trump never move to the Midwest ?
For fear that he would be known as The Little Louse on the Prairie .
Trump gets invited to many weddings as father of the bribe .
Trump knows all about retailiation .
How low can the Barr go ?
I will faithfully execute the Office of President , and will preserve , protect and defend the Constipation of the United States .
His cheerleaders would be trumpettes .
And he could play the dumbs .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ impeach , try , try again .
Once again into the breach of the law .
he can lie over and and over again .
Name for a house of comfort in a retirement community — No good wood should go to waste .
She thought he was the man of her dreams until she learned he had no toes .
“ I ’ m sure you ’ ll do a hell of a good job .
No one knows Hell as well as you do.
” The judges have been benched .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ coach .
Now when will the coach turn into a pumpkin ?
The checks and balances of American government When the Rock decides he wins every time , the nation is caught between He heard that they went on walks at lunchtime , and he won ’ t tolerate anyone having a constitutional .
If life gives you a swamp , So grab him by the nuts Trump has decided to build the wall instead of at the Mexican border .
In order to form a more perfect onion , I do disdain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Trump appointee So he could say , that he spoke truth to power .
Why does Trump talk to his pet rock ?
He hopes to learn how all of the pebbles all of the time .
since he ’ s an existential threat to the nation .
Trump ’ s apology to a lady he just groped — Sorry .
I thought that was a door knocker .
“ If you repent now and devote the rest of your life to good deeds , you may be reincarnated as a worm @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” Greetings from your cousins , the Indians of America .
And congratulations on your hin do attitude and Trump was thinking of building a tower in India the Deli of Delis in Deli .
Then he decided to buy the Taj Mahal and turn it into a casino catering to Hindus : let St. Bernie come to the rescue .
or pick the Great Lizzie of Oz .
No matter what , Trump will come in turd .
Trump will soon claim credit for the Solar Probe , which is now in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and find a cure for the coronavirus

146
If Roberts rules for order,
he could right the Schiff of state.
147
Britain has its Brexit.
Now we need our Trumpxit.
148
Putin has finally confessed —
mea culpa
crime mea.
Trump should too,
as the metoo president.
149
As a cost-saving measure and to prevent foreign meddling,
Trump plans to replace our election system
with Twitter.
He is confident that he will never be de-tweeted.
150
Trump’s effort to divide the nation will fail —
He is a total nothing, a zero;
and you cannot divide by zero.
151
Hell to the chief
bottlewasher.
May you never again show your face to the Republic
for which you do not stand.
152
The enthusiastic fans yelled —
“Give them hell!”
Unfortunately, God was listening,
and took them literally,
giving them Donald Trump.
153
Trump’s alternative to healthcare for all —
wealthcare and the wall.
154
So the record will read
that one Republican Senator had a pear
when 50 of them should have had a peach.
155
Why would Trump never move to the Midwest?
For fear that he would be known as
The Little Louse on the Prairie.
156
Trump gets invited to many weddings
as father of the bribe.
157
From his business experience
Trump knows all about retailiation.
158
The new Fox game show —
Republican Limbo:
How low can the Barr go?
159
Dante rewritten —
The Swine Comedy
or De Senate to Hell.
160
Trump’s Oath of Office —
I will faithfully execute the Office of President,
by firing squad,
and will preserve, protect and defend
the Constipation of the United States.
161
Trump should form a band of bothers.
His cheerleaders would be trumpettes.
And he could play the dumbs.
162
If at first you don’t impeach,
try, try again.
Charge! on all counts.
Once again into the breach of the law.
163
Trump is extremely reliable —
he can lie over and and over again.
164
Name for a house of comfort in a retirement community —
Final Fantasy.
Its slogan —
No good wood should go to waste.
165
She thought he was the man of her dreams
until she learned he had no toes.
She was lack-toes intolerant.
166
“Howdy, Pardonner,”
said Chaucer to Trump.
“I’m sure you’ll do a hell of a good job.
No one knows Hell as well as you do.”
167
The judges have been benched.
Who ever suspected that they had a coach.
Now when will the coach turn into a pumpkin?
(He’s turning orange already.)
168
The checks and balances of American government
are like Rock, Paper, Scissors.
When the Rock decides he wins every time,
the nation is caught between
a Rock and a hard place.
169
Satan’s construction crews
are working overtime
to dig deeper circles of Hell
in preparation for Trump’s arrival.
170
Trump just fired another dozen White House staffers.
He heard that they went on walks at lunchtime,
and he won’t tolerate anyone having a constitutional.
171
Message to Congress —
If life gives you a swamp,
turn it into gatorade.
172
Therapy suggestion —
The fricking fracking wall-nut
in the White House
is nuts.
So grab him by the nuts
and crack them.
173
Trump has decided to build the wall
in New York
instead of at the Mexican border.
He’ll call it “Wall Street.”
174
Trump’s reconstituted constitution:
In order to form a more perfect onion,
establish just-is,
boost sales of tranquilizers,
provide for the common fence,
eliminate welfare,
and insecure liberty
I do disdain and disestablish this constitution.
175
Why did the Trump appointee
talk to a light bulb?
So he could say,
in good conscience,
that he spoke truth to power.
176
Why does Trump talk to his pet rock?
He hopes to learn how
to fool
all of the pebbles
all of the time.
177
Why should Trump read Sartre?
For self-knowledge,
since he’s an existential threat to the nation.
178
Trump’s apology to a lady he just groped —
Sorry. I thought that was a door knocker.
179
In India, Trump sang “Swami River”
and the guru replied —
“If you repent now and
devote the rest of your life to good deeds,
you may be reincarnated as a worm,
much higher than you are now.”
180
Trump to Modi —
Greetings from your cousins, the Indians of America.
And congratulations on your hin do attitude and
the success of Reincarnated Milk.
181
Trump was thinking of building a tower in India
and making it a massive delicatessen —
the Deli of Delis in Deli.
Then he decided to buy the Taj Mahal
and turn it into a casino catering to Hindus:
“You Bet Your Life.”
182
Re-choice! Re-choice! all ye de-voted!
Order a bloomberger
or a sloppy joe.
For Pete’s sake,
let St. Bernie come to the rescue.
Take Amy and fire,
or pick the Great Lizzie of Oz.
No matter what, Trump will come in turd.
183
Trump will soon claim credit for the Solar Probe,
which is now in position to study the corona up close
and find a cure for the coronavirus