glossynews--2020-04-28--Trumpisms and Virusisms 8.0

Trumpisms and Virusisms 8.0

so we have no desire to interact with other people .
well-suited for a pandemic of this kind .
The autistic may be mankind ’ s best hope for Everyone else should mimic the social distancing that comes naturally to them .
It is so reassuring to hear Trump say that he is fabricating much-needed He is a master at fabrication .
with die greatest of e is .
to everyone who volunteers to die When he ran out of toilet paper He was the perfect social distancing date .
in charge of the task force .
That was his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the science were called epirepublicanology the plague was punishment for the sins of the white man in the white house .
or the end is near !
” He would pray to the Lord , but the Baron is his son , and that would be inappropriate .
He was afraid to go to the grocery store because of the spreading virus .
So he filled his shopping cart with bananas , since he ’ d heard it ’ s easy to sleep on banana peels .
She kept a supply of MAGA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump on TV , she ran one thru her shredder .
because we are afraid that it will never end .
Do you feel bettor now ?
because he didn ’ t want to spread the coronavirus .
It might be that not just close proximity promotes the spread , and not the meat that they process , but ventilation systems common in such plants .
( This is no joke ) .
If and when colleges reopens , be sure to maintain sex feet of distance .
How to get Trump to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how many of the deaths are of people who voted for and against him .
he took the hypocritical oath .
To Trump and his followers a pandemic must be caused by Dems .
This will be known as the Post-Pandemic era PP Yesterday didn ’ t do well , but he passed .
Today is the president , and that ’ s hell .
Tomorrow will be the few tour , They must have millions .
New franchise joining the ranks of Toys-R-Us and Kids-R-Us — Where you can buy all your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Those could be how the virus spreads so rapidly in ships , nursing homes , and factories .
Strangers meet virtually and have to decide if they want to meet flesh-to-flesh , She always had a positive attitude , until she got a positive test result .
Me , myself , and I are having a great time sequestered .
We ’ ve never been alone together like this before .
It ’ s a great opportunity to get to know one another .
As the shutdown extended into the second month @ @ @ @ @ @ @ normal — We ’ re all in this together .
In the new normal , gloves and mask will be known as hand and face condoms , to appear in public without them will be as unacceptable as public nudity , and the climactic moment in virtual strip shows will be the removal of the mask .
If so , to travel to the past and/or to the future as well ?
The PR exec would never marry .
She was proud to be known as “ the Spinster.
” If and when @ @ @ @ @ @ @ massive protest in Washington , and make the wearing of a health mask a symbol of defiance and disgust at Trump .
The actress was the star of a mega-blockbuster movie , but production was cancelled due to the coronavirus .
So now she lives in the trailer , In addition to masks ( intended to scare away the virus ) , and hats with the new Trump slogan — Injections are expensive and in short supply .
So Trump has ordered that they be replaced with interjections — who shall we now @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would have understood the gravity of the situation .
If there was a medicine for coronavirus and we were to air-drop it to Japan , that would be balms over Tokyo .
If He holds the whole world in His palm , would that we could read that palm well enough to turn these troubled times Today , spring in all its glory lived through the quarantines and death which may have prompted his line — “ I ’ m getting used to virtual presence .
But please make sure Santa knows that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Miss Brown appeared on the screen , Suggested name for the vaccine —

226
Suggestion —
Instead of calling coronavirus
the “Chinese virus,”
let’s call it the “Trump virus”
or “Donny’s hoax.”
227
How to enforce social distancing —
add to the nation’s water supply
a chemical that induces
mild autism
so we have no desire to interact with other people.
228
Suggestion:
A new kind of legal partnership —
coronavirus marriage,
committed cohabitation for the duration.
229
Autism is a mutation
well-suited for a pandemic of this kind.
The autistic may be mankind’s best hope for
survival as a species.
Everyone else should mimic the social distancing
that comes naturally to them.
230
It is so reassuring to hear Trump say
that he is fabricating much-needed
medical supplies and equipment.
He is a master at fabrication.
231
Sucking
a life saver
e is
die perfect lieder
die unsong nero
wherever
e goes
e nos
and nose
snot
what e
non dis clothesed
with maga
zine
fold-out
quality
x pert
advice
from die Easter
playboy bunny.
may dis
go viral
with die greatest of e is.
232
Congress enacts coronavirus stimulus #53 —
$10K per person
to everyone who volunteers to die
at home
and self-cremate
(using home kit)
233
Product idea:
Perfumes designed to make you stink,
to promote social distancing.
234
Social distancing, the eleventh commandment —
Thou shalt not covid they neighbor.
235
Oh my darlin’ Quarantine.
Favorite dinner-for-one dish —
Stir crazy beef.
236
When he ran out of toilet paper
and couldn’t buy any,
he turned on cable
and selected paper view.
237
He was the perfect social distancing date.
Instead of flowers,
he brought toilet paper.
238
Of course Trump put Pence
in charge of the task force.
That was his normal function as virus president.
239
Etymology matters.
If the science were called epirepublicanology
instead of epidemiology,
Trump would trust it.
240
The oracle said
the plague was punishment for the sins
of the white man in the white house.
“Repaint! Repaint!
or the end is near!”
241
He would pray to the Lord,
but the Baron is his son,
and that would be inappropriate.
242
He was afraid to go to the grocery store
because of the spreading virus.
But he couldn’t fall asleep.
So he filled his shopping cart with bananas,
since he’d heard it’s easy to sleep on banana peels.
243
She kept a supply of MAGA hats,
and every time she heard Trump on TV,
she ran one thru her shredder.
She explained.
“His voice is grating,
without a shred of truth.”
244
The new normal —
now when a prophet proclaims
“The end is near!”
everyone cheers,
because we are afraid that it will never end.
245
Greeting card for coronavirus survivor:
Trump bet your life
and you won.
Congratulations.
Do you feel bettor now?
Or bitter?
246
While engaged in
tele-education
and tele-medicine,
don’t forget tell-a-story.
That’s sole food.
247
Easter thought —
Pontius Pilate washed his hands.
because he didn’t want to spread the coronavirus.
248
Meat processing plants?
It might be that not just close proximity promotes the spread,
and not the meat that they process,
but ventilation systems common in such plants.
(This is no joke).
249
Many college students are 19-year-old women.
If and when colleges reopens, be sure to maintain sex feet of distance.
Beware of coed-19.
250
How to get Trump to take coronovirus seriously —
keep statistics on how many of the deaths
are of people who voted for and against him.
251
When Trump graduated from con school,
he took the hypocritical oath.
252
Bad choice of words.
To Trump and his followers
a pandemic must be caused by Dems.
253
Likewise — academic, epidemic —
all fake news created by dems.
254
This will be known as the Post-Pandemic era PP
or pee pee
or piss poor.
255
Yesterday didn’t do well, but he passed.
Today is the president, and that’s hell.
Tomorrow will be the few tour,
an unexpected adventure.
256
Shortage of swabs slowing down testing?
Call in the Navy.
They must have millions.
Don’t they swab the decks?
257
New franchise joining the ranks of Toys-R-Us and Kids-R-Us —
Vir-Us.
Where you can buy all your masks, gloves, and other PPE.
258
Ventilators?
What about ventilation systems?
Those could be how the virus spreads so rapidly in ships, nursing homes, and factories.
259
New reality TV show —
Strangers meet virtually and have to decide if they want to meet flesh-to-flesh,
despite the coronavirus risk.
You Bet Your Life.
260
She always had a positive attitude,
until she got a positive test result.
261
Me, myself, and I are having a great time sequestered.
We’ve never been alone together like this before.
It’s a great opportunity to get to know one another.
262
As the shutdown extended into the second month,
he slept like a baby
who screams all night.
263
Name for holiday celebrating return to normal —
Godot Day.
264
Title for romantic coronovirus movie —
Terms of Infection.
265
“Peep! Peep!” said the bird.
“Pee Pee,” said the toddler.
“PPE! PPE!” said the nurse.
We’re all in this together.
266
In the new normal, gloves and mask will be known as hand and face condoms,
to appear in public without them will be as unacceptable as public nudity,
and the climactic moment in virtual strip shows will be the removal of the mask.
267
Trump campaign slogan —
Follow the golden fool.
268
Soap opera for coronavirus stay-at-homes —
Daze of Our Lives.
269
Query to the CDC —
Do social distancing restrictions apply to time travel?
If so, to travel to the past and/or to the future as well?
270
The PR exec would never marry.
She was proud to be known as “the Spinster.”
271
If and when this ends,
we should hold a massive protest in Washington,
call it a Mask-erade,
and make the wearing of a health mask a symbol of defiance and disgust at Trump.
272
The actress was the star of a mega-blockbuster movie,
but production was cancelled due to the coronavirus.
So now she lives in the trailer,
overlooking the see.
273
Trump believes in expert tease,
the naked truth.
Every night he prays,
“Now I lie me,
yet again.”
274
In addition to masks (intended to scare away the virus),
everyone should wear placebo ties
and hats with the new Trump slogan —
MAGGOT.
275
Injections are expensive and in short supply.
So Trump has ordered that they be replaced with interjections —
Oh! Ah! Bravo!
276
Co
vid
eo recorder —
six feet of separation,
true glove,
who shall we now ventilate?
virtual living,
virtual dying
vir
us
all of us.
277
Newton would have made a good pandemic czar.
He would have understood the gravity of the situation.
278
If there was a medicine for coronavirus
and we were to air-drop it to Japan,
that would be balms over Tokyo.
279
Thoughts on Palm Sunday —
If He holds the whole world in His palm,
would that we could read that palm
and spoke that wheel
well enough to turn these troubled times
to Balm Beach splendor.
280
Today, spring in all its glory
reminds me that T. S. Eliot
lived through the quarantines and death
of the Spanish flu,
which may have prompted his line —
“April is the cruellest month.”
281
She told her Dad,
“I’m getting used to virtual presence.
But please make sure Santa knows
that for Christmas I’ll need
real presents.”
282
When Miss Brown appeared on the screen,
Bobby proudly said —
“New York 50 miles,
Los Angeles 3000 miles,
Hong Kong 8000 miles.
“What’s that Bobby?”
“I’ve been studying hard, Miss Brown.
That’s my distance learning.”
283
Suggested name for the vaccine —
Godot.
284
Title for coronovius memoir —
“The Loneliness of the Social Distancing Runner.”


glossynews--2020-05-01--Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair

Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair

Washington , DC ( NYT ) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “ Failing ” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair .
He was heard to lament , “ my speciality is social media –I hold the world record for Facebook and Twitter followers ( 429 Million ) , which just blows away Biden and Sanders and even the Pope .
But no , they get their coherent thoughts published in the in that leftist rag and that makes me look bad .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ t know squat about syntax , grammar and punctuation , etc.–and they are absolutely right !
Hey , who needs that crapola when you are tweeting ignorant Rednecks and neo-Nazis ?
The answer is you don ’ t !
But if I can ’ t come up with some kind of Op-Ed response the “ fake news ” is going to come after me again about my ( an Ivy League alum ! )
being ignorant .
Anybody have any suggestions ?
” Secretary of Education , Betty Devoes , who happened to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an intriguing solution .
“ As you know , my husband and I are devoted to academic excellence and have been investing heavily in educational companies who strive to improve student grade performance in essay writing .
It is amazing that with just a copy of the assignment guidelines these companies can turn a D underachiever into a Dean ’ s list scholar .
Why don ’ t you have Kelly Anne jot down some notes , and I can give it to our best operator—WeWriteGud4U.com—and have your brilliant Op-Ed back to you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ course ! )
” she said .
An ebullient Trump gushed , “ Betsy , despite everybody ’ s warnings and concerns I now know why I hired you !
Keep up the fantastic work !
Where the hell were these guys when I was at Wharton ?
”

Washington, DC (NYT) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “Failing” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair. He was heard to lament, “my speciality is social media –I hold the world record for Facebook and Twitter followers (429 Million), which just blows away Biden and Sanders and even the Pope. But no, they get their coherent thoughts published in the in that leftist rag and that makes me look bad. Their editors think that I don’t know squat about syntax, grammar and punctuation, etc.–and they are absolutely right! Hey, who needs that crapola when you are tweeting ignorant Rednecks and neo-Nazis? The answer is you don’t! But if I can’t come up with some kind of Op-Ed response the “fake news” is going to come after me again about my (an Ivy League alum!) being ignorant. Anybody have any suggestions?” Secretary of Education, Betty Devoes, who happened to just drop by, offered the President an intriguing solution. “As you know, my husband and I are devoted to academic excellence and have been investing heavily in educational companies who strive to improve student grade performance in essay writing. It is amazing that with just a copy of the assignment guidelines these companies can turn a D underachiever into a Dean’s list scholar. Why don’t you have Kelly Anne jot down some notes, and I can give it to our best operator—WeWriteGud4U.com—and have your brilliant Op-Ed back to you tomorrow morning (at no charge of course!)” she said. An ebullient Trump gushed, “Betsy, despite everybody’s warnings and concerns I now know why I hired you! Keep up the fantastic work! Where the hell were these guys when I was at Wharton?”


glossynews--2020-05-15--Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit

Phoenix , AZ ( AP ) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn ’ t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory , emphatically affirmed that , “ …I did wear a mask and maybe you just didn ’ t see it !
” When pressed further that his mask wearing was not evident in the television coverage of the visit he angrily responded that , “ …look I was wearing a mask and if you weren ’ t attentive enough to notice that is not my problem @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Honeywell employees who responded in anonymity ( for fear of retaliation ) indicated that no one ever saw Trump in a mask during the course of his visit .
When asked to comment if the President was confusing a face “ mask ” with protective eyewear , White House spokesperson Kayleigh MagaNinny indignantly responded , “ …absolutely not , the President is well aware of the role and value of eye protection as well as that of face masks .
You should know that he was actually a championship racquetball player !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ story that he was not wearing a mask in Arizona we have released the following photograph that was shot by a selected member of the press corps in the Honeywell parking lot .
So let ’ s put an end to this nonsensical discussion !
”

Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you just didn’t see it!” When pressed further that his mask wearing was not evident in the television coverage of the visit he angrily responded that, “…look I was wearing a mask and if you weren’t attentive enough to notice that is not my problem, it yours!” Questions directed to Honeywell employees who responded in anonymity (for fear of retaliation) indicated that no one ever saw Trump in a mask during the course of his visit. When asked to comment if the President was confusing a face “mask” with protective eyewear, White House spokesperson Kayleigh MagaNinny indignantly responded, “…absolutely not, the President is well aware of the role and value of eye protection as well as that of face masks. You should know that he was actually a championship racquetball player! So, to debunk this fake news story that he was not wearing a mask in Arizona we have released the following photograph that was shot by a selected member of the press corps in the Honeywell parking lot. So let’s put an end to this nonsensical discussion!”


glossynews--2020-05-15--Trump’s Tchotchkes: White House Souvenir Shop / Going Out of Business Sale

Biden Ukraine T-shirt : Biden Senior & Junior pictured .
Caption : “ Ukraine , You Saw , We Conquered.
” Golfing POTUS : POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars .
Colin Kaepernick , Steph Curry , Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped into illustration as caddies .
“ Godspeed to House Un-God SQUAD ” Cartoon : POTUS waving goodbye to House witches , flying on broomsticks to “ totally broken , crime infested places from which they came , ” Somalia , Detroit , the Bronx and Cincinnati/Chicago .
NRA-championed BUMP STOCK App : Semi-automaticApp that makes it possible @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at various targets in rapid succession .
Protected by both the first and second amendments .
Green Card Pads : Authentic reminders of days of yore .
Blank name spaces invite monikers of Latino , Muslim and Asian “ friends.
” Mueller Report : Redacted version with POTUS logo .
Offered with preface by Attorney General Barr .
U.S. Constitution : Redacted version with POTUS logo .
Offered with a preface by Attorney General Barr .
Covid-19 Gift Martini Kit : To make the President ’ s favorite Coronavirus cocktail for nay-sayers : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ [ fake ] Hemlock olives .
“ What Climate Change ?
” Poster : Collage featuring various epochs and periods ( Hothouse , greenhouse , icehouse , snowball earth , glacier ) with the statement , “ It ’ s Always Changing ; Get Over It !
” POTUS Sharpie : You too can have fun with weather maps and redacting documents .
Map of U.S. and its Territories/Possessions [ updated pending POTUS proposed trade ] : Depicts Greenland off Southeastern Coast of Contiguous U.S. in place of Puerto Rico .
The Donald-in-the-Box @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Donald , looking a bit like “ The Joker , ” pop out and screech , “ Hire ‘ em ; fire ‘ em !
” Navy SEAL Pins , with Flippers : Available to all , war crimes notwithstanding , who support POTUS .
“ Drain the Swamp ” Toilets : Choice of ceramic-bowl inscribed portraits — Nancy Pelosi , Chuck Schumer , the late John McCain , Joe Biden , Barack Obama , Adam Schiff , mastheads of New York Times/ Washington Post , or a CNN anchor desk .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ closet ) features life-like rendition of “ nasty woman who should be behind bars.
” Frickin ’ , Frackin ’ Pennsylvania Drill Bit : This scale model , representing best pillage-the-earth technology , celebrates Trump ’ s job-creator , pipeline-puncturing bit , designed to drill deep .
Choice : EPA insignia or image of “ Horseface ” Stormy Daniels stamped on side .
ICBM , Ballistic and Cruise Missile Models with Rocket Man logo : Kim Jong-un Rocket Man model .
Marking on warhead suggests Los Angeles and San Francisco as targets .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ with POTUS logo : Paired with the above ?
Marking on warhead proclaims , “ My button ’ s Bigger than Yours !
” Elvis/Trump Singing Bobblehead : The iconic Kings morphed together .
When you pull its swaying leg , It belts out , “ If you ’ re looking for trouble , / You came to right place./ If you ’ re looking for trouble , / Look right in my face.
” James Comey F.B.I .
Wanted Poster Selfies : With photo of J. Edgar Hoover embedded , a “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ nut job ” being jettisoned out of Oval Office .
Conspiracy Theory Desk Calendar : For 2020 , 366 conspiracy theories POTUS has entertained or fostered .
Facsimile Trump 1040 Tax Form : This 2013 return , blank for the most part , comes with facsimile Rudy Giuliani memo suggesting return had a few exceptions ( e.g.
, the $ 12.2 million made from holding the Moscow Miss Universe pageant ) .
Facsimile Parental Note Excusing Youthful POTUS from School : Your choice of nicknames family called the future President : “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” or “ The “ Trumpet.
” Excuses ?
Choose : “ Bone spurs troublesome ” or “ Chauffeur took day off.
” Trump ’ s Russian [ Matryoshka ] Nesting Dolls : So cute in a Trumpian sense !
The set features six wooden POTUS dolls .
Ones of decreasing size fit within the others .
Eastern European women love these .
The last , smallest one holds a sign saying “ Obstruction : Nyet !
”

Trump Lego Maker’s Kit: To build impregnable wall.
Biden Ukraine T-shirt: Biden Senior & Junior pictured. Caption: “Ukraine, You Saw, We Conquered.”
Golfing POTUS: POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars. Colin Kaepernick, Steph Curry, Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped into illustration as caddies.
“Godspeed to House Un-God SQUAD” Cartoon: POTUS waving goodbye to House witches, flying on broomsticks to “totally broken, crime infested places from which they came,” Somalia, Detroit, the Bronx and Cincinnati/Chicago.
NRA-championed BUMP STOCK App: Semi-automaticApp that makes it possible to fire off multiple rounds of Tweets at various targets in rapid succession. Protected by both the first and second amendments.
Green Card Pads: Authentic reminders of days of yore. Blank name spaces invite monikers of Latino, Muslim and Asian “friends.”
Mueller Report: Redacted version with POTUS logo. Offered with preface by Attorney General Barr.
U.S. Constitution: Redacted version with POTUS logo. Offered with a preface by Attorney General Barr.
Covid-19 Gift Martini Kit: To make the President’s favorite Coronavirus cocktail for nay-sayers: Shaker, Lysol, Sanitizer, and [fake] Hemlock olives.
“What Climate Change?” Poster: Collage featuring various epochs and periods (Hothouse, greenhouse, icehouse, snowball earth, glacier) with the statement, “It’s Always Changing; Get Over It!”
POTUS Sharpie: You too can have fun with weather maps and redacting documents.
Map of U.S. and its Territories/Possessions [updated pending POTUS proposed trade]: Depicts Greenland off Southeastern Coast of Contiguous U.S. in place of Puerto Rico.
The Donald-in-the-Box: The box pops open to have The Donald, looking a bit like “The Joker,” pop out and screech, “Hire ‘em; fire ‘em!”
Navy SEAL Pins, with Flippers: Available to all, war crimes notwithstanding, who support POTUS.
“Drain the Swamp” Toilets: Choice of ceramic-bowl inscribed portraits — Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, the late John McCain, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Adam Schiff, mastheads of New York Times/ Washington Post, or a CNN anchor desk. The vintage model (high tank water closet) features life-like rendition of “nasty woman who should be behind bars.”
Frickin’, Frackin’ Pennsylvania Drill Bit: This scale model, representing best pillage-the-earth technology, celebrates Trump’s job-creator, pipeline-puncturing bit, designed to drill deep. Choice: EPA insignia or image of “Horseface” Stormy Daniels stamped on side.
ICBM, Ballistic and Cruise Missile Models with Rocket Man logo: Kim Jong-un Rocket Man model. Marking on warhead suggests Los Angeles and San Francisco as targets.
ICBM, Ballistic and Cruise Missile Models with POTUS logo: Paired with the above? Marking on warhead proclaims, “My button’s Bigger than Yours!”
Elvis/Trump Singing Bobblehead: The iconic Kings morphed together. When you pull its swaying leg, It belts out, “If you’re looking for trouble,/ You came to right place./ If you’re looking for trouble,/ Look right in my face.”
James Comey F.B.I. Wanted Poster Selfies: With photo of J. Edgar Hoover embedded, a “top ten” wanted poster shows the “nut job” being jettisoned out of Oval Office.
Conspiracy Theory Desk Calendar: For 2020, 366 conspiracy theories POTUS has entertained or fostered.
Facsimile Trump 1040 Tax Form: This 2013 return, blank for the most part, comes with facsimile Rudy Giuliani memo suggesting return had a few exceptions (e.g., the $12.2 million made from holding the Moscow Miss Universe pageant).
Facsimile Parental Note Excusing Youthful POTUS from School: Your choice of nicknames family called the future President: “Donny,” “Flat Top,” or “The “Trumpet.” Excuses? Choose: “Bone spurs troublesome” or “Chauffeur took day off.”
Trump’s Russian [Matryoshka] Nesting Dolls: So cute in a Trumpian sense! The set features six wooden POTUS dolls. Ones of decreasing size fit within the others. Eastern European women love these. The last, smallest one holds a sign saying “Obstruction: Nyet!”


glossynews--2020-05-13--Nation of Self-Obsessed Attention Hogs Whine  About Sea Levels Rising Due to Climate Change

FUNAFUTI , TUVALU– After years of whining and moaning about possible ecological devastation and flooding which would render their entire country uninhabitable , little Tuvalu finally got its moment in the sun when the international press threw the petulant brats a handful of crumbs of spotlight .
Taking a break from covering cockamamie Tiktok challenges and X Ӕ A-12 , a few press outlets penned back page fluff pieces no one cared to fully read , showering the South Pacific nation with feigned sympathy and worry .
According to reports , the country of narcissistic pansies is crying wolf about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ groundwater sources undrinkable and threatens to cripple the economy of small island chain nation by submerging underwater ; mere trifles compared to the problems of other countries most people have heard of .
While UN secretary-general claims climate change is “ an existential threat to several island States , ” real leader President Donald J. Trump responded , “ Tuvalu ?
Never heard of her , ” when asked about the island nation ’ s situation .
The president later remarked that Tuvalu is “ probably taking money from Big Science ” and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to worry about if they let me build a golf club on one of their islands.
” When asked to comment , Ben Shapiro , editor-in-chief of the Daily Wire , echoed similar replied that the Tuvaluans “ should just sell their houses ” and move .
“ It ’ s a nice country , ” he continued , “ I ’ m sure some development and real estate companies would love to tear down their communities and build condos and resorts.
” When asked about the situation , Australia simply chuckled and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ telling tales .
Can ’ t they see we ’ re the real climate change disaster hellscape ?
” Australia later added that Tuvalu and other Polynesian low-lying island states pleading for salvation are just “ jealous because Nauru is way cooler and lets us violate human rights within their borders .
”

FUNAFUTI, TUVALU– After years of whining and moaning about possible ecological devastation and flooding which would render their entire country uninhabitable, little Tuvalu finally got its moment in the sun when the international press threw the petulant brats a handful of crumbs of spotlight. Taking a break from covering cockamamie Tiktok challenges and X Ӕ A-12, a few press outlets penned back page fluff pieces no one cared to fully read, showering the South Pacific nation with feigned sympathy and worry. According to reports, the country of narcissistic pansies is crying wolf about rising sea levels which have made all groundwater sources undrinkable and threatens to cripple the economy of small island chain nation by submerging underwater; mere trifles compared to the problems of other countries most people have heard of.
While UN secretary-general claims climate change is “an existential threat to several island States,” real leader President Donald J. Trump responded, “Tuvalu? Never heard of her,” when asked about the island nation’s situation. The president later remarked that Tuvalu is “probably taking money from Big Science” and that “they’d have nothing to worry about if they let me build a golf club on one of their islands.” When asked to comment, Ben Shapiro, editor-in-chief of the Daily Wire, echoed similar replied that the Tuvaluans “should just sell their houses” and move. “It’s a nice country,” he continued, “I’m sure some development and real estate companies would love to tear down their communities and build condos and resorts.” When asked about the situation, Australia simply chuckled and replied “Those silly Polynesians, always telling tales. Can’t they see we’re the real climate change disaster hellscape?” Australia later added that Tuvalu and other Polynesian low-lying island states pleading for salvation are just “jealous because Nauru is way cooler and lets us violate human rights within their borders.”