thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--'Just Sit On A Towel’: What Living With Heavy Periods Is Really Like

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Heavy periods affect around one in five women of reproductive age in the UK.
Combined with the stigma that already surrounds menstruation, the pain and fear of leaks or clots can have a debilitating effect on people’s lives – not to mention leading to some uncomfortable moments in the bedroom (as Michaela Coel captures in a recent episode of her BBC3 show I May Destroy You).
In Am I Making You Uncomfortable? this week, we hear from our listeners about the realities of heavy periods – and learn more about what’s going on with our bodies.
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We’re joined by HuffPost UK reporter Tasha Hinde, who shares her experience of menorrhagia – the medical term for abnormally heavy bleeding.
In her words, Tasha’s periods resemble “the elevator scene in The Shining”. She talks about filling “a tampon and a maxi pad in the space of 15 minutes” and the physical and emotional impacts of the condition.
We also speak to gynaecologist Dr Brooke Vandermolen, who runs The OBGYN Mum blog, about what counts as a “heavy” period, plus what we can do to manage heavy bleeding.
HuffPost UK Am I Making You Uncomfortable? co-hosts Brogan Driscoll and Rachel Moss
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You can subscribe, download and listen to Am I Making You Uncomfortable? on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and all major podcasting platforms and you’ll find a transcript of our chat below, to make the podcast accessible for all of HuffPost’s wonderful readers and listeners.
Join in the conversation on social media by using the hashtag #AIMYU – and go behind the scenes by subscribing to our podcast newsletter to hear what inspired us to tackle the topics you’re probably too squeamish to talk about.
Episode 9 Transcript:
Brogan:
Hello, and welcome to HuffPost’s brand new weekly podcast Am I Making You Uncomfortable presented by me, Brogan Driscoll.
Rachel:
And me, Rachel Moss. This podcast is a frank, honest conversation about women’s bodies, health, and private lives. This week we’re discussing heavy periods.
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Testimonial 1:
So I used to have manageable periods until I got my copper coil fitted a few years ago, which I would really recommend. I think they’re amazing. But for me, personally, it’s meant that one day of my period is really heavy. So there have been a few awkward situations. For example, last year I went for dinner in a nice hotel and we were sat speaking with the owners and I got up to go to the loo and realised I’d leaked through my dress and onto their very nice chair. Yeah, that was quite embarrassing.
Testimonial 2:
I’ve experienced heavy bleeding throughout my period since my teens, especially the clotting is what I’ve found most difficult to manage and deal with. I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis about seven, eight years after really making up a fuss about it. And I’m on tranexamic acid, which helps lighten the flow slightly.
Testimonial 3:
My period feels often like an uphill battle, if I can be honest. Not only do they tend to be heavy and uncomfortable, but they can be rather painful. And I also have clots in my periods, so it’s not very comfortable. And I’ve been in situations where if I’ve had staining come through my trousers, which has happened a few times, it’s been really embarrassing, and I’ve needed to come home and get changed.
Rachel:
Heavy periods or menorrhagia affects around one in five women of reproductive age in the UK. It’s defined as abnormally heavy or prolonged bleeding and is one of the most common gynecological complaints. It might not be life-threatening, but combined with a stigma that already comes with periods, it can have a really debilitating effect on women’s lives.
Brogan:
You can take part in the conversation using the hashtag AIMYU. Now we’re going to talk about periods, which feels quite apt because I am on my period today.
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Rachel:
Oh. Well, thanks for sharing. I was also going to start things with a TMI and tell you a couple of weeks ago, I said to my boyfriend, “God, I don’t know whether I’m going to get through the podcast recording because I’ve got a really heavy period.” And he said, “Why don’t you just sit on a towel?” And I said, “That should be the title of our next podcast, Why Don’t You Just Sit On A Towel?” So, there we are.
Tasha Hinde:
It’s basically my life.
Rachel:
Yeah. And that brings us nicely to introduce Tash actually, who you can hear already because she’s great. For this week, we’re joined by our colleague Natasha Hinde, who is a reporter at HuffPost, and Tasha’s very kindly agreed to join the Am I Making You Uncomfortable? party because she has heavy periods or menorrhagia. Thanks for joining us.
Tasha:
Thank you for having me. What a treat to talk about my periods.
Brogan:
Are you sat on a towel right now, Tasha?
Tasha:
I’m actually not. I’m not on my period thankfully, otherwise it’d be like the ‘elevator scene’ from The Shining.
Rachel:
Yeah, it’s a glorious image. That’s glorious.
Tasha:
Yeah.
Rachel:
So we are talking about the heavier side of periods today. Obviously it comes on a huge spectrum and because we don’t really see anyone else’s periods, it’s really hard to know what counts as a heavy period and what is normal and what is not. Can we kick things off by you talking about your experience? So when did you realise that your periods might not be normal or the norm?
Tasha:
There wasn’t a light bulb moment, but it was more of a sort of gradual realization that I was just really struggling with them. So I didn’t really have particularly in-depth conversations with friends at school. We’d just say, “Oh, I’m on,” or, “Oh, I’ve got bad cramps this week,” but that was about the long and short of it. I did have quite in-depth conversations with my mum about it, mainly because she could see how much pain I was in. She could also see the state of the laundry, because my bedsheets would be constantly just covered in blood, my clothes would be covered in blood. I was wearing maxi pads to school, which we all know maxi pads. They have that distinctive rustling sound which is delightful at school.
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Rachel:
Yeah.
Tasha:
Yeah, really, really fun when you’re already a mortified teenager to be rustling around the classroom. I would just constantly be leaking, and I think it got worse as I entered my late teens. And I remember being at uni once and going to this seminar, and all of a sudden I could just feel like damp, sitting in damp. At this point I was wearing sanitary towels and tampons together to try and keep it all in. But I just remember thinking, “Oh God, I’ve leaked.” And rushing to the toilet midway through the seminar, seeing all this blood all over my trousers, and I didn’t have like a jacket. Thankfully I’d driven to uni that day. So I just rushed to my car and went home and missed the rest of the day. And that is sort of like how it has been throughout, just the embarrassment of leaks and the pain. It’s just quite a lot to deal with when you’re young, and you just feel quite on your own, like lonely.
Brogan:
We talked about when you realised that they were heavier than other peoples, was that something that you were aware of because of the conversations you had with your mum? Or was it kind of through later scenarios?
Tasha:
I think it was through the conversations with my mum, but also, to be fair, I think that my mum had heavy periods so in our family it was just normal. I was diagnosed with menorrhagia or heavy periods when I was in my late teens, and that was because I went to the doctor’s and I was just really struggling with the pain and the fatigue and weakness that you get probably because you’re losing so much blood. And I’m only five foot, so to me it felt like I was literally losing my body weight in blood. But I went to the doctor’s then because I was just struggling. And my mum had been like, “You know what, why don’t you go see a GP about it if you’re worried.” And that was when they diagnosed me with it, but I still didn’t know how other periods were at that point. It was only really when I started working at HuffPost and we all had quite casual chats about our periods in our morning meetings and at lunch breaks that I was like, “Oh God.”
Brogan:
Rachel and I were talking about this because I’ve worked with you for what, like, five years and for such a long time had no idea that this was something that you were dealing with. And a couple of years ago, HuffPost did a week-long kind of series about periods and Tasha and I were little guinea pigs and tried those absorbent period pants and wrote at length about our experiences and our concerns about them.
Rachel:
What was that like for you, Tash, taking part in that experiment? Do we call it an experiment? Considering that you have such heavy periods.
Tasha:
I was quite apprehensive about it, to be honest, because I’m used to sort of having double protection, but even that doesn’t quite work. So I was thinking, “Oh God, are these pants going to keep everything in?” But actually, it was a bit of a game changer for me having heavy periods, and I wished that I’d have known about these pants when I was at school because it would have made my life so much easier and would have saved, probably, a lot of bedding. But I guess it was quite scary writing about it. I mean, you had to be graphic about it because that’s the whole point of the review. People want to know, are you going to leak everywhere? Is it all damp and wet when you’re just sitting in these pants? So I was quite apprehensive, but it felt like quite a relief to write it and just sort of get it out there. And a lot of people read that article as well, which was... It just shows you how people are desperate for this information, but we just do not talk about it and we need to.
Rachel:
Yeah, yeah. Definitely. You mentioned that you first went to the doctor’s in your late teens, so I wanted to go back to that, because I know when we’ve spoken about these kinds of women’s health problems in the past, sometimes it takes people quite a long time to go. Sometimes when people do go, they feel like they’re not taken seriously or they’re a little bit fobbed off. So what was your experience like? Did your doctor get it when you first went?
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Tasha:
To be fair, my doctor did get it pretty much straight away and was like, “It sounds like you’ve got this menorrhagia, which are heavy periods.” He was like, “We can try you on these pills, and we’ll sort of go from there and see how it goes.” The pills were called mefenamic acid and you could take a few a day and it basically lightened your period and ease the pain. But I was quite aware from poring over the leaflet that came with it that it wasn’t something that you should take for prolonged periods of time. And when you think about that the average woman is on her period for what, 40 odd years, it just seemed a bit like, okay, so this is a useful solution, but I was quite aware that I only wanted to use them as and when I really, really needed to rather than sort of become reliant on them.
I did, in my early twenties, go back to the doctor and tried a few different types of contraceptive pill, but I was then getting other issues from just taking the pill. And then in the end I was just like, “Oh, is it worth it? I should probably just shut up and put up.”
Rachel:
I hate that phrase, shut up and put up, because I feel like if women’s health stuff was researched more, we wouldn’t be shutting up and putting up. I’ve heard from so many women writing about women’s health, and particularly the pill that you just mentioned, that there’s so many varieties out there and you’re just told to go from one to the other to the other and have none of them worked for you then there’s nothing, no solution.
Tasha:
Last year actually I did go back to the doctor’s about the issue because... I don’t know what was going on with my body last year, but it just seemed to really kick off. And I remember I filled a tampon and a maxi pad in the space of 15 minutes. I was getting blood clots the size of 50p coins. Honestly, it was extreme. And I went back to the doctor’s because it started feeling like someone was taking a sledgehammer to my womb. I remember just sitting on the edge of the bed on multiple occasions being like, “Should I just get my womb removed?” Would it genuinely be easier if I just had it removed? Because it feels like I’m on a period for half of the month because I get the pain a week before, I get PMS, then the period hits, it lasts for like eight days. It’s three days of heavy, heavy flow, and then it gradually sort of siphons off. You’re getting blood clots, you’re leaking, you’re embarrassed, you feel tired, fatigued.
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Tasha:
I remember getting on a tube, multiple occasions, to come home from work and just feeling like I was going to pass out because I just felt so weak, and it was always on day one, day two of my period. And one time I had to get my boyfriend to basically just come and pick me up in a taxi because I just thought I was going to pass out, and I couldn’t walk. You also worry about being seen as a drama queen.
Brogan:
There’s such a kind of negativity around the way that we talk about periods. I don’t know if you remember growing up, people would be like, “Oh, are you on your period?” There’s just so many negative assumptions made, I guess, around women that you’re exaggerating or you’re in a bad mood because of your period and all of these things. And it’s so unfair when for some people having periods for two weeks of the month is really debilitating. There has been so much discussion in the past about the idea of period leave and people taking time off from work or school because of period pains. You have a really hard time with it. Is it something that you think you would take if it was an option?
Tasha:
Yeah, I definitely would take it. I think we try and sort of work through our periods because it’s not seen as an ailment or an illness and you’re just sort of like, well, this is what happens to my body every month. It’s like, just got to grin and bear it sort of thing. But, to be honest, there have been days where I’ve been at work and... What is the point in being at work and then being hit with all of this pain and also worry that you’re going to leak all over your office chair in front of all your colleagues, which is not a fun worry to have. But you can’t concentrate.
There’ve been occasions where I’ve gone to the toilets because I’ve been in so much pain and I’ve had a cry and it’s just like: if it was any other sort of issue you would just take a day off. And I have. To be fair, I have taken days off because of my periods before, school, uni, work, because it’s just been too much and I’ve just been like, “I can’t. I can’t actually work so there is literally no point.” And you just make up for it elsewhere. It doesn’t mean that you’re not working hard. You just work hard the next day when you can actually manage it. So I think period leave would be really helpful, especially... a lot of women do have really bad periods. We just don’t talk about it, I guess, and we need to start talking about it.
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One of the things that’s been quite a game changer actually is being able to speak to colleagues and your boss about it. Obviously not everyone is in a position to speak to their boss about how they’re feeling and their periods, but I do think that is a game changer and if we can make sure that workplaces are more period friendly. Oh my God, what a slogan, period friendly workplace. But I think it would make a huge difference to a lot of people’s lives.
Rachel:
Yeah, I totally agree. I love what you just said about “you do make up the work, you just do it the next day” or whenever. Because, I think for me, I love the idea of period leave and I a hundred percent support it and I definitely think it should be a thing, but for me personally, would I ever have the guts to say, I need to take off a day off my period? I genuinely think I would worry about the judgment because, as Brogan was saying, there’s stigma, as a woman in the workplace, especially if you’re in a male dominated industry, you’re already thinking you’ve got to work twice as hard for whatever recognition.
Brogan:
And I think also, if you’re thinking about the happiness of your workforce and productivity and all of that, if someone’s really unwell with period pain and they can’t concentrate and they’re totally distracted, it’d be better for them to take the day off and then come back when they feel better, then they’ll kind of feel more positive about their workplace and care about them and they’ll work really hard.
Tasha:
I think it comes down to sort of compassion and trust, compassion for the people that work for you. And I think this pandemic has made us all realize that we’re all human beings, we’ve all got stuff going on, and we’ve been checking in with one another more. It is so important that we all talk about periods because otherwise, how do you know if anything is wrong? Last year, I actually went to the doctor’s again and was like, “I need to have some form of investigation. I want to make sure that it’s all okay down there.” I had an ultrasound. They did find that it was okay, but I think it’s so important that women really do push for these investigations if they don’t feel something is right, because there could be issues going on underneath. And I think I read somewhere that it takes the average woman 11 years to be diagnosed with endometriosis, and it’s just such a long time to be struggling. And by that point, 11 years down the line, you could have had some form of preventative treatment to stop it progressing. So I just think it’s really important that A) we talk about periods; and B) that don’t just be sort of fobbed off with pills sometimes. Do have the confidence to push for more because you deserve it.
Rachel:
Yeah, definitely. And these conditions are all so similar, but they are different so that’s obviously why it’s so important to speak to a doctor and find out which one you do have, so you can get the right treatment. You make such a great point on that. We also wanted to ask you about what’s worked for you? So you mentioned the period pants earlier. Can you tell us anything about the products that you tend to use and what’s been good and what’s been not so good.
Tasha:
Yeah. I used to use a combination of tampons and sanitary pads. To be honest, it was just quite uncomfortable wearing the sanitary pads. Don’t know. Just like chafey. Not a fan.
Rachel:
Yeah.
Brogan:
Rustley.
Tasha:
Rustley, chafey, not particularly breathable. When we did the period project at HuffPost, the pants that I tried were from Modibodi, and they were, I think, the heaviest flow... Because they have different pants for different flows. Mine were the heavy, heavy flow pants, and actually I’ve kept using them every month since. I’m planning on putting a bulk order in, because I’ve only got two pairs and I could do with a few more. So now I tend to wear those, but I have been using them with tampons as well, because just for that extra protection. I think there’s always a worry in your mind that you’re just used to the leaks, so you want to make sure that that does not happen. But period pants are definitely a game changer. I would recommend those for people with heavy periods.
Brogan:
So we ask all of our podcast guests the same question and that is, what makes you uncomfortable?
Tasha:
Awkward silences. They are the worst. And I have noticed a lot of them during this pandemic because obviously you’re having lots more video conferencing and meetings. I just cannot deal with the awkward silence, so I tend to fill it with oversharing. Oh, God. There’s going to be an awkward silence now.
Rachel:
I feel like we should just be silent just to test that, but it’s probably not great for any listeners.
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Tasha:
Yeah. I’d much rather talk about periods and blood clots than have to face awkward silences, so there you go.
Brogan:
Thanks so much, Tash, it’s been great having you on.
Rachel:
Yeah, thanks, Tash.
Brogan:
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Natasha:
Thanks for having me.
Testimonial 4:
So I went on the pill at the age of 30, just because I had heavy periods since I was a teenager. I mean, my nighttime routine was basically two giant pads, overlapping two pairs of pants and sometimes even a towel on the bed. That’s how scared I was of just bleeding everywhere. And the pill changed all of that, but 10 years later now I want to come off it. I have come off it, and I’m petrified that they’re going to come back in that way, so I’ve started working with a nutritionist to see if we can somehow balance out my hormones. But, yeah, it’s a real fear because I really don’t want to get back to that.
Testimonial 5:
My periods have taken over my life for nearly eight years now. Back in the day I had regular three-day periods, four weeks apart. Now it’s at least five days every three weeks. I have to wear night pads all the time, which I have to change every couple of hours, otherwise I’ll bleed everywhere, which has happened many times. I breakthrough bleed when I exercise, if I have sex and sometimes for no apparent reason at all. I am at times physically sick from the pain. I am severely anaemic and I don’t feel sexy at all ever with what’s going on down there.
When I saw my GP in my late thirties, she told me it was because I was getting old and prescribed the pill, which made it worse, until finally, an ultrasound showed multiple fibroids, including one 10cm in diameter. I had uterine artery embolisation, where they shoot glue into the arteries feeding the fibroids, and it worked a bit short-term, but because of where the fibroids are, the only option I have left is hysterectomy, which I don’t want because it’s such major surgery. So right now, I’m just waiting for the menopause, when hopefully my life can start again.
Brogan:
Next up we’re joined by Dr Brooke Vandermolen, registrar doctor in obstetrics and gynaecology, the founder of The OBGYN Mum blog about women’s health issues, and she’s also the co-founder of The Birth Collective, which provides online antenatal classes. Thank you so much for joining us.
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Brooke:
Thank you so much for having me. It’s great to be here.
Rachel:
We are very excited to absorb all of your knowledge. We’ve just been talking about period pants actually so that feels very fitting. We were joined by our colleague Natasha in the first part of the podcast because she has been diagnosed with menorrhagia, so we wanted to learn more about that. Can you tell us what some of the causes are?
Brooke:
Yeah. So I guess first of all, for anyone that doesn’t know, menorrhagia is another term, the more medical term, for heavy menstrual bleeding. That is really, really common, probably far more common than we realize. It affects around 14 to 25% of women of reproductive age. So basically a quarter of us, and one in 20 women see their GP about this issue each year, so it’s really, really common. And what it is is when you are bleeding heavily for your periods, and I think that’s quite subjective. So the first thing to say is like, if you think you’ve got heavy periods, you have heavy periods, and telling somebody, you don’t have heavy periods because you don’t bleed enough, that’s not that helpful. I think if you find the bleeding is too much for you, it affects your everyday life, then you can seek help for that.
But kind of medically speaking, we have got a definition for it and that’s if you bleed more than 80 mls or more in the course of your periods. Actually it’s a very small amount, if you were to measure it. It’s about six to eight teaspoons of blood. Anything more than that is heavy bleeding, because although it looks like a lot, the blood we lose during our period, it’s actually not that much. Or if you bleed for longer than seven days, that’s also classed as heavy menstrual bleeding.
There’s a number of different causes. The commonest cause is just because. Just because some women bleed more than others and it doesn’t have a pathology associated with it, it doesn’t have something underlying it as a cause. But that is a common reason, but there are underlying reasons that you can have heavy bleeding. So I would divide them into two categories, structural and non-structural. Structural things that can give you heavy bleeding are fibroids, which many women might have heard of. Really, really common. Polyps, which are kind of little growths on the lining of the womb. Or more rare things where the lining of the womb grows too thick, so that’s called hyperplasia and can become endometrial cancer, but that’s much, much rarer cause of very heavy bleeding. The most important thing is if you think something’s wrong, then to seek help and we can try and help you to work out why.
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Rachel:
Yeah, absolutely. I noticed you said menorrhagia and I’ve been saying menorrhagia, which makes me sound, I don’t know, like I should be wearing a top hat and riding a horse and playing polo. Have I just been getting that wrong? How are you meant to say it?
Brooke:
Yeah. I think we would say menorrhagia, but I understood perfectly what you were saying, so whatever feels comfortable for you.
Brogan:
Okay. I’m going to have to remember that, menorrhagia. Menorrhagia. We had Tasha on earlier on the podcast who spoke about her own experience of heavy periods and specifically blood clotting. She mentioned that sometimes she has blood clots the size of a 50p, which for me, I have always had quite light periods, that was quite surprising. Is that common? When should there be concern? We’ve heard that some women sometimes mistake blood clots for miscarriages as well. Could you talk a bit about that for us?
Brooke:
Yeah, absolutely. So it’s a really good property of our blood that it kind of forms clumps and clots, and that’s what helps us. For example, if you cut yourself, your blood clots in order to form a scab to stop you from bleeding out. So it’s a normal property of our blood, and our period blood, if there’s kind of quite a lot of it, it can do the same thing. It can start to stick together in clumps. And it’s very common to pass clots in maybe the first day or two of your periods, which tend to be the heaviest days.
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In terms of whether or not it’s abnormal, as part of “Should I see a doctor? Are my periods too heavy?” As well as the things I mentioned earlier, so the blood loss being more than 80 mls total or lasting seven days or longer, there’s a couple of other things that we would include in that. So if you are passing blood clots bigger than a 10p piece that would suggest the bleeding is a bit heavier than normal. So one of the properties of our blood, which is really useful, is the fact that our blood can clot so that clumps of it form and stick together. So if you were to cut yourself, for example, that’s the property of blood that stops you from bleeding out. It’s a good thing, but the same way that the blood kind of going around our body can clot, when we’re losing blood in our period, that can, if there’s quite a lot of it, clump together and form these clots that we can see.
And it’s pretty common to pass some blood clots, especially in the first day or two of your period when the bleeding is heaviest, there’s more blood around and it might stick together. But there’s a couple of extra things that I would add as well. So passing blood clots bigger than a 10p piece would be a suggestion that you’re probably losing more blood than average. Also other things include: flooding through your clothes, if you’re kind of finding that you’re wearing maybe protection and you’re still bleeding through; if you have to double up pads and tampons; if you’re needing to change your sanitary protection every one to two hours - those are all suggestions that probably this is excessive uterine bleeding and we’d advise you to see somebody and see if we could do something to help.
Rachel:
All the stuff on blood clots there reminded me. I actually had this last year for the first time and it was really horrible. I had a really big blood clot, and I’d never really had them before. And I did that thing where I panicked and said, “Is this a miscarriage or is this part of my period?” And I wasn’t sure and I spoke to my doctor. And one of the things that she spoke about was in terms of the cramping that she was asking me about the cramping that I felt before I’d passed this large clot to try and discern what had actually happened. Can you tell us anything about that? How would a woman maybe know, “okay, this is period” or this is a miscarriage?
Brooke:
So, I mean, the first thing would be to say, have you had a positive pregnancy test? Because it is hard to know if it’s been a miscarriage where that’s happened so quickly after say your period was due, you didn’t see your period when it should, but a couple of days later you start bleeding heavily than normal. So yes, that would be considered a miscarriage or a very, very early pregnancy loss. And the best way to know it would be to have a positive pregnancy test before that. So I wouldn’t advise people who were trying to conceive to take pregnancy tests too early in their cycle. Normally if you can wait until the day that your period is due, it’s more likely to give you an accurate result. Having a positive pregnancy test would be the best way of knowing was I pregnant this month and then I just happened... the pregnancy passed a day or two later.
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Rachel:
That’s really helpful to know. You mentioned fibroids being one of the major causes of heavy periods. Do heavy periods affect some communities of women more than others?
Brooke:
Black women are definitely much more likely to experience heavy periods and also kind of have higher rates of needing to go to hospital and having kind of surgeries and things like that. So it’s something we have not been speaking about enough and I think, thankfully, everything that’s been going on over the last few weeks is encouraging everybody to raise the voices of black women and talk about these issues because there is a lot that needs to be improved in this area. So absolutely, first of all, recognising that black women do experience this problem more and they need closer attention. So black women are two to three times more likely to have fibroids.
Fibroids are incredibly common in white women as well. They would be present in around 70% of white women, but it even higher in the black population. Fibroids are benign growths in the womb that kind of form up to the size of kind a tennis ball. So they’re little balls that grow, and they don’t tend to become cancerous, they just grow in the lining of the womb and they can cause much heavier bleeding during periods.
They don’t tend to cause pain unless they grow so large that they’re taking up a big amount of space in your tummy, and they can kind of distort almost the size and shape of somebody’s abdomen because of the fibroids that enlarge their uterus. And it makes them much more likely to have heavy bleeding during their period. And again, if we’re just talking about the black community, they would have a three times higher risk of needing to be hospitalised because their periods are so heavy that they become anaemic and need to go to hospital, for example, to get a blood transfusion.
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So those things are all more common in this group of women, as well as just generally pelvic pain, being anaemic, having heavy periods that are affecting their lives, needing to take time off work, needing to miss out on days at school, things like that. So, yeah, absolutely this is a really important issue to talk about. And as I said earlier, they’ve got two to three times higher likelihood of having a hysterectomy in their lifetime because of fibroids or heavy bleeding.
We have a lot of other treatments these days, some that just medications or laparoscopic operations, which are less invasive. And I think we need to make sure that this community gets the right treatment, that we maybe hopefully overall reduce the number of hysterectomies that need to be done, but providing the right treatment and just increasing the awareness of everybody to take this seriously, make sure that pain is recognized and treated adequately.
Brogan:
So we know that it can take women a long time, sometimes years, to seek help and indeed get help. Why do you think that so many women suffer in silence for so long?
Brooke:
Yeah, absolutely. The highest rate of presentation, the age at which people present is between the ages of 40 to 51 seeking advice about heavy periods, and I think there’s a number of different reasons why this happens. The first thing is everyone just assumes, this is normal. You might even speak to your mom or your grandma, and they say, “Yeah, yeah. I had really, really heavy periods. Oh yeah, well, I had my menopause, then it all stopped so just kind of wait.” Or people think, “Oh yeah, well, I’ve got heavy periods now, but I’m planning to get pregnant then I won’t have periods for a while.” So they kind of delay needing to seek treatment for those reasons.
I think people are also aware that a number of the treatments for heavy periods might involve hormones, worried about taking hormones or maybe they want to get pregnant so they don’t want to affect their chances, that sort of thing.
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I think there’s a lot of different reasons that play into delaying this. And the thing that I would say is those aren’t our only options. And also the other thing is people think we’re going to jump into surgery and maybe they’re worried because someone in their family has fibroids. They think, “Oh, that’s it. As soon as I go there, they’re going to tell me I’m going to need to have a hysterectomy.” So I would obviously encourage people to say there are a number of treatments. There’s treatments that don’t involve hormones, there’s treatments that do involve hormones, but no surgery. There are things that we can do to help you without affecting your fertility. So don’t wait if you think you fit into any of those categories we spoke about before.
But I think the other reason why people also tend to seek help maybe a bit later on in life is it can get worse, especially around that perimenopausal time. Women often experience much heavier periods in the run-up to their periods stopping completely. And it’s as the hormone levels fluctuate, as we’re running out of eggs approaching the menopause, that can result in heavy menstrual bleeding. So everyone kind of thinks, “Oh, probably I’m getting close to the menopause, they’ll become really light and maybe less periods,” but actually it can often be much heavier in that kind of year or so before the menopause.
Brogan:
And that’s what you mean by perimenopausal or kind of like just before was it?
Brooke:
Yes. The perimenopause is the time when you’re experiencing menopausal symptoms, but your periods haven’t yet stopped. So that can go on for a year, two years, even longer for some women. But they might start experiencing heavy periods, hot flushes, mood swings, that sort of thing. Even though they’re still getting some periods, that’s the perimenopause, and menopause is when the periods have stopped completely.
Rachel:
So I personally feel like my periods are getting heavier by the year. It is a fricking nightmare. Do your periods in general change throughout your life or do they have their own personality? Are they a light or heavy period for the whole of your life? How does it work?
Brooke:
No, absolutely they do change through your life, and I think that’s definitely a misconception that I am this type of person, therefore I shouldn’t have another problem. When we start having our periods, they will often be all over the place. We probably could all remember when you were in your early teens and they’re completely irregular, or they might be so heavy and you miss loads of days off school or so painful, but that changes when you kind of come into adult life. You might start things like the contraceptive pill, or you might start taking other things during your life as well that will affect your periods.
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But even if you weren’t to take anything, yes, they will be kind of all over the place at what we call menarche, which is when we start our periods for those first few years. They settle down maybe into a pattern. But a lot of women do notice that after they’ve had a pregnancy, so after they’ve had a baby, their periods may become much more irregular in the few months afterwards. It could be affected also by breastfeeding, but they can become irregular. They can, once they do restart and fall into a regular pattern, many women notice they are much heavier for the several cycles after having a baby. And that can even take quite a bit of time to settle down.
And then again, as I mentioned before, coming up to the menopause, again they can change. And some women, they get much heavier. For other women, they might get much lighter. So, yeah, they aren’t static through your lifetime. And again, if you have any of those problems we were discussing before as well, that will affect it. So fibroids grow over time, they also regress over time. You might have bleeding conditions, things like that. So there’s so many reasons why your periods may change through your lifetime. So don’t just think, “This is me. I’ve got to put up with it.”
Brogan:
Thanks so much. That was really so interesting. I’m full of loads of information that’ll be really useful for listeners, and I like how Rachel and I both snuck in little sneaky questions about our own periods.
Rachel:
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I’ve treated this like a GP appointment, sorry.
Brooke:
My pleasure.
Brogan:
We have one question that we put to all of our guests on the podcast, which is what makes you uncomfortable?
Brooke:
The thing that makes me uncomfortable is taboos. And I think that makes everybody uncomfortable, but that’s also why I started my page. We all feel uncomfortable talking about things like periods or sex or incontinence. What I want to do is to make us all feel more comfortable. And like you guys are doing with this podcast, let’s get talking about the things that make us feel uncomfortable so we can kind of get rid of them and make sure people seek treatment, help at the right time, earlier than leaving things too long.
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Rachel:
Love that. Thank you so much for joining us.
Brooke:
Thank you.
Brogan:
Thank you so much. It’s been great having you on.
Brooke:
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Bye.
Rachel:
Bye.
Brogan:
That was Dr. Brooke Vandermolen, and earlier we heard from our teammate Tasha Hinde who is a reporter at HuffPost.
Rachel:
That’s it this week from Am I Making You Uncomfortable. Please subscribe to our podcast and give us a nice review. I’m Rachel Moss and you can find me @rachelmoss_.
Brogan:
And I’m Brogan Driscoll, and you can find me @Brogan_Driscoll. Thank you to our producer, Chrystal Genesis, our assistant producer, Rachel Porter, and our sound engineer, Nag Kirinde.
Rachel:


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--Steve Bing, Filmmaker And Father To Elizabeth Hurley’s Son Damian, Dies Aged 55

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Film producer and businessman Steve Bing, who shares a son with Elizabeth Hurley, has been found dead in Los Angeles at the age of 55, according to reports in the US.
Former president Bill Clinton, a friend of the filmmaker, appeared to confirm the news, saying “he had a big heart, and he was willing to do anything he could for the people and causes he believed in”.
Bing’s publicist, Michelle Bega, told Sky News that she was “overwhelmed trying to process this unbelievable and sad event”.
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Bing was known for his work on movies including Kangaroo Jack, which he co-wrote, and for financing films including The Polar Express, starring Tom Hanks.
Steve Bing Action Press/Shutterstock
He was the father to Hurley’s 18-year-old son, Damian, and had a daughter with the former professional tennis player Lisa Bonder.
Bing initially denied he was Damian’s biological father only for DNA tests to vindicate Hurley.
The Los Angeles Police Department confirmed it was investigating the death of a man in his 50s in the Century City area of Los Angeles.
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The Los Angeles County coroner said a man was pronounced dead at the scene at 1.10pm local time on Monday, and that identification was pending.
Steve Bing and Elizabeth Hurley at The Elton John Post Oscar Party March 26, 2000 Los Angeles, CA Bei/Shutterstock
Bing donated money to Mr Clinton and was reportedly instrumental in helping the former president return two American reporters from North Korea in 2009.
In his tribute, Mr Clinton said: “I loved Steve Bing very much. He had a big heart, and he was willing to do anything he could for the people and causes he believed in. I will miss him and his enthusiasm more than I can say, and I hope he’s finally found peace.”
I loved Steve Bing very much. He had a big heart, and he was willing to do anything he could for the people and causes he believed in. I will miss him and his enthusiasm more than I can say, and I hope he’s finally found peace. — Bill Clinton (@BillClinton) June 23, 2020
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Bing is reported to have dropped out of Stanford university as an 18-year-old after he inherited 600 million dollars (about £481 million) from his grandfather, the real estate developer Leo S Bing.
He then launched his Hollywood career and co-wrote the 2003 comedy Kangaroo Jack while reportedly investing 80 million dollars (about £64 million) in 2004 animated film The Polar Express.
Elizabeth and Damian Hurley. KGC-247/STAR MAX/IPx
He also acted as producer on films including the 2000 Get Carter remake starring Sylvester Stallone and Shine A Light, Martin Scorsese’s 2008 documentary about the Rolling Stones.
Bing was was the founder of Shangri-La Entertainment, an organisation with interests in property, construction, entertainment and music.
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As well as his work in Hollywood, Bing also donated money to the Democratic Party.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--Nigel Farage Allowed To Attend Trump Rally With A ‘National Interest’ Travel Ban Waiver

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Donald Trump’s presidential reelection campaign chartered jets to fly in VIPs to attend his much-hyped but ultimately flopped Oklahoma rally on Saturday, including his pro-Brexit ally Nigel Farage, who was given a “national interest” waiver to enter the country despite the coronavirus travel ban.
Farage, who recently lost his LBC radio show after comparing Black Lives Matter protesters to the Taliban, was flown from Palm Beach, Florida, to Tulsa for the evening rally, and then to New York City, according to an informal Trump adviser who spoke on condition of anonymity.
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“This was supposed to be a festival to celebrate Trump and Trumpism, and it laid an egg,” the adviser said, adding that more than 100 high-profile guests had been flown in and put up in hotels on the campaign’s dime.
How much the campaign or the Republican National Committee paid for Farage and the other invited guests to fly to the rally and stay in Tulsa is unclear. Neither the campaign nor the RNC responded to HuffPost queries on the matter, and filings that could shed some light on that question are not due at the Federal Election Commission until July 20.
Neither the White House nor the Department of Homeland Security would explain what “national interest” was served by allowing in Farage solely to let him attend a Trump rally.
His presence in Palm Beach ― a photo of which was posted to his Twitter account Saturday morning ― and at the rally has piqued the interest of House Homeland Security Committee Chairman Bennie Thompson, who on Monday asked DHS to produce documents explaining Farage’s entry.
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“The decision of the Trump Administration to admit Mr Farage to the United States to enable him to attend a campaign rally at a time when most travel from the United Kingdom to the US has been suspended raises numerous troubling questions,” Thompson wrote.
Farage, who had already returned to Britain on Monday, could not be reached for comment. He has for several years been popular with white nationalist groups both in the UK and the United States. He led Ukip and its successful push to leave the European Union, which Trump also supported. Farage appeared at a Trump rally in Mississippi in 2016, and then visited the president-elect at Trump Tower after the November election.
One top Republican donor, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said he could not understand the value of spending campaign funds to ferry Farage around. “I don’t know why they’d waste money on that,” he said.
The chartered flights would add additional tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars to the cost of the rally, which included a massive outdoor stage with concert-quality sound for an expected overflow crowd that never materialised, a daylong onsite party of food and music, and even a street festival for the surrounding blocks that would have featured other speakers and musicians.
The off-site plans fell by the wayside last week when it became clear that protesters against police brutality following the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis last month would also descend on Trump’s appearance.
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Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage. Jose Luis Magana/ASSOCIATED PRESS
The campaign had initially scheduled the rally for June 19, apparently unaware that the date was Juneteenth, an annual commemoration of the emancipation of the last remaining Black slaves in the US. The campaign also seemed unaware that Tulsa was the site of the worst anti-Black massacre in the nation’s history.
Trump backed down from that date following several days of criticism and moved it to Saturday, June 20. He continued claiming his campaign had received 1 million ticket requests and that at least a 10th of those ticket-holders would actually show up in Tulsa.
“We’re either close to or over one million people wanting to go,” he said last week in the White House Cabinet Room. “Which would mean they would have over 900,000 people that won’t be able to go.”
Indeed, the original plan called for nearly 20,000 inside the arena, 25,000 more outside who would get their own Trump appearance and 100,000 at the street festival in the surrounding area.
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In the end, though, only a tiny fraction of those expected to attend and an even tinier fraction of those who requested tickets showed up. Tulsa’s fire department reported a total of just under 6,200 inside the arena. There was no overflow crowd, and campaign officials began breaking down the outdoor stage even before Trump’s arrival.
Trump was incensed by the poor turnout, which both he and his campaign blamed on protesters blocking access to the entrances – which neither journalists at the site nor the Tulsa Police Department reported happening – and on media coverage of Trump’s insistence on holding a rally even as the coronavirus pandemic continues.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has advised Americans to avoid crowded indoor areas, particularly where masks are not being worn. That description fit the Bank of Oklahoma Center nearly perfectly, as most attendees followed Trump’s lead and chose not to wear a mask.
Whether Trump will replace campaign manager Brad Parscale or others who planned the rally and assured him of high turnout is unclear. Parscale had no experience in politics prior to 2015, when he was hired to make Trump’s campaign web site, but then he earned millions after Trump won the Republican nomination and then the presidency. Trump made him campaign manager for his 2020 run in 2018.
“I think this one finally put a stake in him,” the GOP donor said, adding that a number of Trump’s advisers have been clamouring for Parscale’s firing for months. “He’s got the brag thing down, but he doesn’t have the delivery thing down.”
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Neither Parscale nor others at the campaign responded to HuffPost queries, but the outside Trump adviser said Parscale is likely safe because he continues secretly paying the wife of one Trump son and the girlfriend of another $180,000 per year using campaign money funnelled through his personal business.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--Rough Sleepers Living In Hotels Amid Coronavirus Are Terrified Of Returning To The Streets

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Huddled in a doorway in her sleeping bag, Nicola felt frightened and tried to tell herself it wouldn’t be forever – that she wasn’t alone in facing such a daunting situation.
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The 48-year-old had been homeless for seven years after escaping domestic violence but this year was the first time she had actually slept rough, having spent the time sofa surfing.
However, when the coronavirus pandemic hit and she could no longer sleep at other people’s houses, she suddenly found herself plunged into street homelessness, culminating in her sleeping in a doorway in Oldham, Greater Manchester.
Nicola, who went from sleeping in a doorway to living in a hotel room during the coronavirus lockdown Dave Batchelor
“I had a van so I slept in that for a few weeks,” Nicola told HuffPost UK. “But then it got stolen when I wasn’t in it so I ended up sleeping in a doorway which was set back off the road.
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“It was the first time I had slept out on the street and it was really frightening for me.”
Life changed dramatically for Nicola when the coronavirus lockdown hit and communities Secretary Robert Jenrick announced £3.2m of initial funding to help rough sleepers to self-isolate.
The funding was made available to all local authorities in England to reimburse them for the cost of providing accommodation and services for those sleeping on the streets, though councils have stated it is “insufficient”.
On March 26 – three days after Boris Johnson announced a nationwide lockdown – MP Luke Hall, minister for local government and homelessness, wrote to local authorities across the UK asking them to house every rough sleeper by the end of the weekend.
Since the lockdown began, around 15,000 people who were on the streets or at risk of sleeping rough have been given emergency accommodation.
For Nicola, who had been sleeping in the doorway for four nights, life changed very quickly and she describes suddenly having her own room at the YHA Manchester Hostel as “like a fairytale”.
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“I felt like a celebrity,” admitted Nicola. “Having my own room with a shower was like heaven. I hadn’t had my own room in years.”
And it was the simple things that have meant the most to Nicola. “It’s things like being able to brush your teeth and have a mirror,” she said. “I felt so grateful for the little things that other people take for granted.
“Having a mirror has also been wonderful. I never had a mirror when I was sleeping rough so I had no idea what I looked like – apart from when I looked in the wing mirror of my van.”
“I felt like a celebrity. Having my own room with a shower was like heaven.” - Nicola, 48, who went from sleeping in a doorway to living in a hotel room during the pandemic
Nicola has spent five weeks at the YHA hotel, where she is provided with all her meals. “We have all been treated with such dignity and respect,” she said. “It has just been so lovely to feel normal again and be given help and support.
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“I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to feel safe and secure and know that I won’t go hungry.”
Nicola, who went from sleeping in a doorway to living in a hotel room during the coronavirus lockdown Dave Batchelor
However, all that will be coming to an end imminently for Nicola and thousands of other homeless people across the country, as contracts between hotels and local authorities are coming to an end - with some due to close by the end of this week.
Homelessness organisations and charities are urging action to be taken to rehome people in more permanent accommodation and are adamant that the emergency housing of rough sleepers should not just be a “temporary fix”.
The YHA Manchester Hostel will be closing to rough sleepers on Friday June 26. Across the country, different hotels have varied dates for when the contracts close, but it will be over the next few weeks.
Nicola told HuffPost UK she is hoping her glimpse into a “normal life” at the hotel will be the turning point she needs to turn her life around.
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““It’s things like being able to brush your teeth and have a mirror. I felt so grateful for the little things people take for granted.” - Nicola, 48, who went from sleeping in a doorway to living in a hotel room during the pandemic
While sofa surfing, Nicola bought an eco friendly tuk tuk which she converted so she could sell food from the back of it. She sold specialty coffees, breakfasts, sandwiches and curries in the town centre. She was in a better place mentally, but struggled to get support without a postcode.
“I was still trading and working, but then Covid-19 hit and it was game over for my business,” Nicola added. “I had no business, no customers and nowhere to sleep.”
At first, Nicola slept in her van. But after it was stolen and then retrieved, she was financially ruined and could not afford insurance, so sold it.
“My business slipped through my fingers,” she said.
The YHA Manchester Hostel where Nicola has been staying has 37 rooms but they have housed a maximum of 39 people during the coronavirus lockdown as there have been some couples.
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Nicola says it has been “like a safe haven” and that while there have been a variety of characters with different things going on in their lives, they have all been respectful and have thought how lucky they are.
“Being here has eased my anxiety and having a routine and structure has helped me get back on an even keel,” she said.
“Even though the coronavirus pandemic has been awful in so many ways, for me, it has brought some positivity and I hope it will get me to a better place in my life so I can move forward.
“I am a humble person and I just want to turn my life around and am determined to do it. Being in this hotel room has given me a footing and now I want to stand on my own two feet.”
Nicola is moving into temporary accommodation initially and will then be helped to find somewhere more permanent to live.
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She added: “My dream is to get a place of my own, have a postcode and get my business back up and running and then work hard to earn a living and have a future.”
Dave Batchelor, works for the charity Depaul UK, which helps people who are homeless, vulnerable and disadvantaged.
Batchelor has been team leader at the YHA Manchester Hostel, managed by Depaul UK and is the rough sleeping pathway manager for the North West. He told HuffPost UK that the aim of the scheme was to get the most vulnerable in society off the streets so they could isolate and remain safe.
He said that while some people had been sleeping rough for a couple of years, others were relatively new to the streets – and some found themselves homeless as a direct result of the pandemic.
Dave Batchelor, team leader at the YHA Manchester Hostel and the rough sleeping pathway manager for the North West Dave Batchelor
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“Becoming homeless and ending up on the streets can happen to anybody, especially in these circumstances,” he said. “People can’t go to stay with family and friends as they are shielding and the pandemic means agencies are not able to respond in the way they normally can.
“We had one person who was in the midst of travelling between two countries and became trapped in Manchester with nowhere to live because of the lockdown.
“Another person was working in France and had to leave when coronavirus hit and made his way back to the UK. He had given up his accommodation here when he went to work in France so had nowhere else to go.
“There have also been people who had their accommodation tied to their jobs so when they lost their job due to this crisis, they lost their place of living too.
“We also took in people who were previously sleeping in night shelters but needed a room of their own so they could isolate.”
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Batchelor said that while many people hold stereotypes about homeless people being alcoholics and drug addicts, many rough sleepers don’t use any substances.
Initially, the hotel provided people with meals they could heat up in the microwave but they now have a full kitchen and a furloughed chef cooking a huge variety of meals, as well as volunteers working in the kitchen behind the scenes.
“My aim from the beginning was that it should feel like a home,” said Batchelor. “If people feel marginalised and not treated in the way all humans should be, that can have a negative effect.
“We are running it like a hotel as much as we can and people have their rooms cleaned regularly and they are getting home cooked meals prepared by the chef including things like duck, pulled pork, fresh salads and cakes made from ingredients donated by Fareshare.
“Homelessness is not just about not having somewhere to live. It is about the safety and security that comes with that and knowing someone is there and cares for you.
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“Normally, projects like this would take years to get going. This was created in a matter of days.”
Chef Ben Limb with some of the food he has prepared for rough sleepers currently staying at the YHA Manchester Hostel Dave Batchelor
Some of the food provided for rough sleepers currently staying at the YHA Manchester Hostel Dave Batchelor
Batchelor told HuffPost UK they are working with local authorities and social housing providers to find people move-on accommodation once the hotel closes to rough sleepers.
“We need to capture what we have done and keep doing it by finding shortcuts to help people,” he said. “It is a bit like when someone leaves school – if there is no follow up support, they will find life really difficult.
“It is important that this is not a temporary fix and that people don’t get forgotten about.”
“We need to capture what we have done and keep doing it by finding shortcuts to help people. It is a bit like when someone leaves school – if there is no follow up support, they will find life really difficult.” - Dave Batchelor, team leader at the YHA Manchester Hostel
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Andy Burnham, Greater Manchester Mayor, told HuffPost UK that at the start of the crisis, 1,000 homeless people who needed help were identified. However, over the last few months, there have been 1,900 placements, and 820 homeless people are currently living in hotels.
He says that while the Everyone In scheme has achieved incredible change in a short space of time, the next steps are very important to prevent it becoming “everyone back out” or “many people back out.”
“Why can’t we do this in normal times when the system isn’t stressed and when in theory we’ve got more capacity or funding to do it? Everyone In has got to be the right policy for always, not just for a pandemic.” - Andy Burnham, Greater Manchester Mayor
“What strikes me about this is how when everyone says: ‘Right, this is the priority, get this done’, how quickly change can happen,” he said. “It is a bit frustrating. Why can’t we do this in normal times when the system isn’t stressed and when in theory we’ve got more capacity or funding to do it?
“Everyone In has got to be the right policy for always, not just for a pandemic.”
Mayor of Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham PA Archive/PA Images
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A Bed Every Night, Greater Manchester’s programme for ending the need for rough sleeping across 10 boroughs, will begin a new phase in July to support vulnerable people post-pandemic.
There will be 445 beds across the boroughs as a transition for those currently living in hotels and other accommodation.
Burnham says the beds will not be their usual Bed Every Night provision as they will be Covid-safe shelters to allow social distancing. But he admits there is not enough to cover demand so they will be looking to the government and the head of its specialist task force Dame Louise Casey for support.
He said he wants to see a Housing First policy to allow people to change their lives. “Without the bedrock of housing, you cannot deliver good healthcare to people,” he said. “If you deliver healthcare, then send them back to the streets, what you are putting into their healthcare is wasted in many ways.
“The same is true of education and other forms of public services and support. The catastrophic failure that comes with rough sleeping around mental health and personal safety and addiction and all kinds of other issues is huge.
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“If you are in the same bed, in the same place having your needs met on an ongoing basis, that creates a foundation that makes change possible for life.”
Burnham says that while the government’s announcement about creating 6,000 new housing units with 3,300 available in the next 12 months is welcome, what is needed is an immediate solution so people don’t end up rough sleeping again.
Hannah Gousy, head of policy for Crisis, the national charity for homeless people, said it is a “matter of life and death” for rough sleepers as contracts between hotels and local authorities approach their end.
“We are facing a cliff edge of people potentially facing returning to sleeping rough,” she said. “We have been speaking to people who have spent time sleeping rough and they are terrified of having to return to that situation.
“Sleeping rough is dangerous anyway, but in the context of a global pandemic, that risk is intensified.
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Hannah Gousy, head of policy for Crisis, the national charity for homeless people, Crisis
“The government and local authorities have done incredible work in getting homeless people into hotels and this will have undoubtedly saved lives over the last few months.
“We are now at a crossroads and need to use this as a springboard to get them into accommodation for good – or we face the devastating prospect of 15,000 people returning to the streets.
“This needs to be an important starting point to move people into permanent accommodation.”
“We have been speaking to people who have spent time sleeping rough and they are terrified of having to return to that situation.” - Hannah Gousy, head of policy for Crisis
Gousy added that it was essential for the government to provide emergency legal provision to ensure everyone has access to emergency accommodation during the rest of the pandemic as she said it is currently down to the discretion of local authorities.
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Polly Neate, chief executive of housing and homelessness charity Shelter Shelter
Polly Neate, chief executive of housing and homelessness charity Shelter, told HuffPost UK: “We cannot allow all the progress made to be stripped back now, and thousands tipped back onto the street while the crisis continues.
“As we see in our services day in and day out, most people become homeless because they are forced out of their homes and cannot find anywhere else they can afford.
“The bottom line is that people who have no option but to sleep on the street should have somewhere safe and secure to live, regardless of the pandemic.
“To make this a reality, the government must direct councils to provide accommodation and support to everyone who needs it and give them the funding to do so.
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“People who have no option but to sleep on the street should have somewhere safe and secure to live, regardless of the pandemic.” - Polly Neate, chief executive of Shelter
“We stand ready to work with them to make this happen. And if the government is serious about eradicating homelessness, it must tackle the root causes – that means investing in a new generation of genuinely affordable social homes.”
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government told HuffPost UK that councils, charities and the hotel industry had made huge efforts to help provide emergency accommodation.
“Our new rough sleeping task force will ensure as many people as possible who have been brought in off the streets in this pandemic do not return to sleeping rough,” they said.
“We have accelerated plans for new rough sleeping services – backed by £433m – which will deliver 6,000 homes.
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“We’ve been clear councils must continue to provide safe accommodation to all vulnerable rough sleepers and support those moving on from emergency accommodation.”
The department said it had provided £3.2bn of additional funding for councils to help them continue to respond to the coronavirus pandemic and support their communities – including helping rough sleepers.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--18 Beliefs People Once Had About Coronavirus That Aren't True

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This article was originally published on HuffPost US.
In a time when so much is still unknown about the coronavirus, we are understandably eager for information.
Unfortunately, the desire for immediate answers has led to the spread of false remedies and conspiracy theories. Additionally, because Covid-19 is so new, health experts are changing their guidance as they learn more about the virus. What was true at the beginning of the pandemic may not be recommended now.
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It’s critical we stick with facts and health guidance; doing so can slow the spread of the virus and keep more people safe. While most of the country is beginning to reopen, the pandemic is anything but over.
Below, find some common myths and some now-outdated recommendations about the coronavirus. (And keep washing your hands.)
The myth: Face masks are useless
There was a lot of guidance surrounding the use of masks when the pandemic first hit ― particularly that it was unnecessary to wear one unless you were already sick. But now health experts say face coverings provide veritable protection. Both those infected by the virus and those who are virus-free should wear masks when in public spaces in order to keep everyone safe.
The myth: Face masks are a surefire way to prevent contracting the virus
Masks can slow the spread of the virus ― and more reports are showing how effective they can be for personal protection ― but they can’t thwart it entirely.
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In other words, don’t expect to only wear a mask and be fine. Other health measures, like frequent hand washing, social distancing and avoiding touching your face can also help reduce the spread.
The myth: Summer weather will kill off the virus
At the start of the pandemic, some experts speculated that the virus could be seasonal and may possibly go dormant in the summer.
However, “it is not yet known whether weather and temperature affect the spread of Covid-19,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Some other viruses, like those that cause the common cold and flu, spread more during cold weather months but that does not mean it is impossible to become sick with these viruses during other months.”
The myth: You’re in the clear if you’ve already had Covid-19
We don’t know if having the virus once provides a person with immunity against getting it again, so it’s important to use the same caution as everyone else.
“We’re still waiting for some of the studies to come out that really tell us for sure that when you’ve had the virus and mounted an antibody to it, that you are protected,” Roger Shapiro, associate professor of immunology and infectious diseases at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, said during a May news conference.
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“And we can only do that when we get the data from actual studies that show that,” Shapiro continued. “And so that hesitation people have had or the qualification people have made has been we don’t know yet whether having the virus will protect us and for how long. And the general feeling is that there’s a lot of optimism that it will be the case.”
The myth: The virus is lab-made
One of the biggest conspiracies floating around the internet is that the coronavirus was created in a lab rather than evolving in the natural world. New research has debunked this myth: The virus is the result of evolution, not lab engineering. Despite internet rumours, there is no evidence to suggest that this is the case.
The myth: Packages are spreading the virus
As the CDC explains: “In general, because of poor survivability of these coronaviruses on surfaces, there is likely very low risk of spread from products or packaging that are shipped over a period of days or weeks at ambient temperatures.”
The risk of transmission from packages, grocery bags, deliveries and other surfaces is even relatively low, despite concerns that were raised at the beginning of the pandemic. Check out the CDC guidelines for running essential errands — like grocery shopping, banking and getting gas — safely.
The myth: Ingesting bleach kills virus pathogens
No, no, absolutely not, please no.
This myth was borne from comments made by President Donald Trump during a news briefing early in the pandemic. This is not true by any means; introducing bleach or other disinfectants to the body by any means — whether by drinking, injecting or spraying — is incredibly dangerous. Do not do this.
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The myth: Children are fine or they cannot contract the virus
As the World Health Organization points out, older people and those with preexisting medical conditions appear to be at higher risk for becoming very sick from the virus. But people of all ages can be infected. That includes children.
In fact, recently there have been cases reported of multisystem inflammatory syndrome occurring in kids who also had Covid-19. “Different body parts can become inflamed, including the heart, lungs, kidneys, brain, skin, eyes, or gastrointestinal organs,” according to the CDC.
The myth: Our pets are spreading the virus
A small number of pets have reportedly tested positive for Covid-19, but the risk of animals spreading the virus to humans is considered low, according to the CDC. If someone in your house is sick with the virus, they should isolate from the rest of the household, including animals, according to guidelines.
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The myth: Ibuprofen can worsen symptoms
In March, Tylenol suddenly became the reigning pain reliever as word spread that ibuprofen (the name for over-the-counter pain meds like Advil) could increase painful symptoms of Covid-19. There’s no medical evidence that suggests ibuprofen is unsafe for treating coronavirus symptoms. (In fact, some scientists are even testing it as one form of treatment in certain cases.) Even so, it’s best to check with a medical professional before you take anything.
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The myth: If you don’t have any symptoms, you’re coronavirus-free
Common symptoms of coronavirus can be similar to the flu, but they also extend beyond that. These include fever or chills, cough, difficulty breathing, fatigue, body aches, headache, loss of taste or smell, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea.
A person who doesn’t exhibit any of these symptoms can still be infected with the coronavirus and can spread the virus to others. Some cases of Covid-19 are asymptomatic, meaning the patient doesn’t show symptoms or has yet to develop any. Other times, people may be pre-symptomatic, when they’re not showing any signs of the virus but they have the infection in their system. These people can still spread the virus.
The myth: Drinking alcohol can protect you from the virus
If only. You might have heard that alcohol kills germs, but that’s not what happens after drinking a bunch of wine. There’s no evidence this is true. And, as the WHO stresses, “the harmful use of alcohol increases your risk of health problems.”
The myth: Thermal scanners can detect the virus
Thermal scanners can detect fever. Fever is one symptom of the coronavirus, but many people infected with the virus do not have fevers. Fevers can also be associated with conditions unrelated to the coronavirus.
The myth: Antibiotics can prevent and kill the virus
While antibiotics are successful at treating some health issues, coronavirus is not one of them. Antibiotics work against bacteria, not viruses. (Still, some physicians have prescribed or used antibiotics against Covid-19.)
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The myth: 5G networks can spread the virus
This myth became widespread in part because of celebrities like Woody Harrelson and Keri Hilson sharing it on social media. Ever since 5G cellular networks have been proposed, conspiracy theorists have speculated about the effects on human health. The conspiracy has since evolved.
“Some suggest that 5G networks cause radiation, which, in turn, triggers the virus,” Recode reported. “Others float that reports of the novel coronavirus were actually a cover-up for the installation of 5G towers. A few accounts push the idea that 5G and Covid-19 are part of a broader effort to ′depopulate’ Earth.” None of this is true. Viruses can’t travel on radio waves or mobile networks.
The myth: If you can hold your breath for a prolonged period you are virus-free
In March, a Facebook post claimed that if you could hold your breath for more than 10 seconds without coughing or discomfort, you couldn’t have the virus. The self-check guidance went viral, leading many people to try the experiment themselves. But the test is futile. You can’t confirm the coronavirus with a breathing test. The best way to check for the virus is to get tested through a medical lab.
The myth: Taking a hot bath can kill the virus
It cannot. The CDC states that hot water (and extremely hot or cold temperatures in general) cannot kill the coronavirus.
The myth: Hand dryers can kill the virus
Hand dryers cannot kill the virus. There is promising news about some UV light, however. In May, New York’s Metropolitan Transit Agency tested the use of ultraviolet disinfecting technology on subways, and has since decided to expand the programme.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--Supporting My Son Through Transition Taught Me What It Means To Be An Ally

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I understand the importance of taking chances. Growing up in suburban Ohio in the ’80s felt like I was living in somebody else’s after-school special. Nothing felt right, and all I could do was dream of escaping and recasting myself. I held on long enough to finish my degree and fell madly in love with a wild and free woman.
After we graduated, we packed our cat, dog, baby, and the sum of our worldly possessions into a dilapidated minivan and drove west until we hit the ocean in Seattle. That move put me on the path to become an aerospace engineer. I left my Ohio self behind and absorbed the west coast spirit. In so many ways, I was reborn.
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Fast forward 20 years. My rebellious school-age romance suffered a bitter breakup that fractured our family. My ex-wife returned to Ohio with our kids, while I stayed out west and to continue to provide. Even without the pain of purposeful parental alienation, it’s hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. By the time my firstborn was in college, we hardly talked.
I missed my baby more than words can say. They were the person I wanted to protect from pain and suffering with all my might. I missed the times when they would look up to me with eyes full of adoration and unbridled love.
“I looked at the number and said hello, calling them by the name they were born with. Their response shocked me.”
As the weeks and months wore on, not hearing their voice, my heart broke more and more with each passing day. I didn’t know when we would speak again until, one day, out of the blue, I received a call. I looked at the number and said hello, calling them by the name they were born with.
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Their response shocked me: a deep baritone I hardly recognised said that was no longer their name. They said they wanted to be called Rodney, and that they identified as male.
I felt waves of shock through my body. After a moment of contemplation, I asked if Rodney needed anything. That’s when he told me about his plans for him and his partner to get top surgery in San Francisco. It felt like a profoundly bad idea – I feared it was a permanent solution to what might be a temporary problem – and at best, they were setting themselves up for a long and painful fight. But no matter how scary this all seemed, the idea of them doing it alone seemed far worse.
I arranged for a leave from work, flew to the Bay Area, and rented from a budget hotel in Alameda with a kitchenette. After meeting the boys at the airport, for the next couple of weeks, I was their driver for consultation, surgery, and post-surgery visits.
Everything still didn’t seem real during the surgical consultation in a swanky art deco high-rise in the middle of San Francisco’s Financial District. When surgery came, everything suddenly got very real. Rodney and his partner couldn’t fly until the doctor could clear them, so for two weeks I was there for prescription refills and late-night bandage runs. Some days were smooth, and we remembered the good times. Other days, we tried to dodge the landmines of our past through a fog of pain barely masked by prescription narcotics.
“The trans people in our lives are still the same people we have always loved, and they need our help and support to find their true identity”
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The path wasn’t simple, and probably not the textbook way to reconcile a relationship. It certainly wasn’t how I imagined our first trip to the Bay Area – I had always envisioned exploring Haight Ashbury, discussing Jack Kerouac and beat philosophy. But this wasn’t my journey. It was theirs.
We continued our reborn connection when the boys returned home. It wasn’t always perfect, but all relationships take work. I am thankful that it’s real, and I have them in my life. I’ve learned it’s my role as father to shelter my children from pain, but rather to help them grow and face their challenges, to become the person they dream of being. Rodney knows I am there for him whenever times get tough, or even if he just wants to get a cup of coffee. Like every child, he doesn’t call me as often as I would like, but at least he calls. And when he says “I love you,” I know he means it.
Every life transition takes work and allies. I implore parents and family in my position to remember the transitions they have made in their own lives, when they chose to break the mould and seek the life they wanted on their own terms. The trans people in our lives are still the same people we have always loved, and they need our help and support to find their true identity. No matter how many letters you prefer to use to describe the LGBT+ community, never lose sight that they are people first.
Growth isn’t stagnating in safety and conformity. It’s striking out to find yourself on a voyage of self-discovery. Perhaps that looks like a beatnik road trip, or perhaps it looks like hormones and surgery. If you truly love someone, all you want is for them to be happy and whole. Make sure you are there for them when they need you the most.
Ed Coleman is an aerospace engineer and travel writer
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thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--I Officiated A Zoom Funeral. Here’s What I Didn’t Expect

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I have officiated at funerals for 16 years in my community of West Bloomfield, Michigan. As a busy working mother, I am loving and patient, organised and a wizard at time management. As a rabbi, I am serious, focused and available to families around the clock. Real life doesn’t have office hours. Hospice work is my niche, so I spend a lot of time with grieving families. Usually I am the calm presence in the room, the one who isn’t shaking.
Not now. This time, I was all by myself, in my home office, a wreck.
A kind and gentle 70-year-old man named Saul had passed away. He had been in a rehab facility working on walking and building back his strength after a long stint in the hospital. He was optimistic about his recovery. When I visited with him, he always told me he couldn’t wait to get back home.
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Then Covid-19 came. It swept through the halls of the rehab facility like the angel of death. Saul, working so hard to recover, got sick, and he wasn’t strong enough to fight off the coronavirus.
Saul’s family chose an online service rather than gathering at the cemetery for a few reasons. First, they feared the coronavirus. Second, it allowed more people to attend. The Michigan Board of Rabbis had agreed that we should follow federal guidelines, as well as our own governor’s orders, and that meant services were graveside only, with fewer than ten people allowed to attend.
As clergy, I felt gutted that we could not perform so many of the rituals that Judaism prescribes for mourning. When a loved one dies, we tear our clothes or wear a torn black ribbon for the seven days following a death, the period of shiva. Before coronavirus, I would stand in front of a mourner, pin the little ribbon onto their clothes, walk them through the prayer that is recited and give them a hug. Now I couldn’t even come within arm’s length and had to walk mourners through the ritual from at least six feet away.
My instinct is to reach out and hold someone’s hand or embrace them, an unconscious rabbinic reflex to offer physical as well as spiritual comfort. Now I found myself recoiling, slightly embarrassed that I’d so easily forgotten about social distancing rules.
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Our tradition usually provides space for friends and family to greet mourners before the services. People form a line and wait quietly to offer their condolences. This sacred offering is impossible now, so mourners are left to look at each other, perhaps put their hands on their hearts in a gesture of mutual love.
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At an e-funeral, so many elements would be out of my control. What if I froze – literally or figuratively? What if one of my children knocked on the door to my workspace, crying? What if the attendees accidentally unmuted themselves? There is one thing that all rabbis want when they are officiating at an event: control.
It isn’t about being a control freak, it is about my role as comforter in chief. My role is to make the service as meaningful as possible, and as stress-free as possible, using the traditional words and customs that are soothing for the soul. I feared I wouldn’t be able to provide cyber-comfort.
About an hour before the service was set to begin, I changed out of my quarantine uniform of sweats and a hoodie and into nicer yoga pants and a black sweater. They’d only see me from the chest up anyway, so why not stay comfortable? I put on some makeup and set out to arrange my “pulpit.” I piled up a bunch of books and set my computer on top. I nervously tinkered with the lighting for half an hour.
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Pre-pandemic, I was a happy Luddite. I still write by hand when talking to families about a eulogy. Now I was responsible for one of the most sacred moments in a person’s lifecycle, and I had to hand over my control to my laptop.
Luckily, my colleague agreed to be on Zoom with me to troubleshoot. I made sure Saul’s family could see me and hear me. I closed the office doors behind me and welcomed everyone to the service.
“My instinct is to reach out and hold someone’s hand or embrace them, an unconscious rabbinic reflex to offer physical as well as spiritual comfort. Now I found myself recoiling, slightly embarrassed that I’d so easily forgotten about social distancing rules.”
There were over 100 video squares populating the service – hundreds of people joining Saul’s family to say goodbye. People were quiet as they entered, even when not on mute. The family sent me a thank you text before we even began.
What I feared would be a more terrible version of a board meeting morphed into a surprisingly intimate service. The mourners could see my face clearly, and I was looking directly at theirs. There might have been a screen between us, but somehow that didn’t matter. Saul’s 45-year-old daughter gave me a reassuring smile, and I relaxed.
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I recited the familiar words of Psalm 23 in Hebrew and English, and it helped me remember that I had been shepherding families through the valley for nearly two decades, and I would do the same for Saul’s family. In my home office. Wearing yoga pants.
Officiating at my first computerised funeral, I realised just how much comfort can be expressed through words and eyes. Long-distance friends and family were brought close in a way that wouldn’t have been possible without this technology. A cantor from my congregation was able to join me, and his singing rounded out the liturgy perfectly. Every ritual performed, every prayer spoken or sung, I pray, carried Saul’s soul to its final resting place.
And similarly, I imagined that those same words and melodies helped carry the souls of the mourners to a place of comfort and peace. Going forward, I feel confident knowing that although physical presence and affection are integral to human connection, love and concern will make themselves known regardless of the medium.
This article first appeared on HuffPost Personal
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thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--It's A Scorcher! 11 Things To Do In The Sunshine After Work

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Summer is finally here – and we never thought it’d come. And the summer solstice means plenty of hours after work to make the most of it. If you’re scratching your head trying to think of ways to enjoy a rare bit of evening light – or even during the day if you’re not working at the moment or have some time off – here are a few ideas to get you started.
1. Discover a new beauty spot
Look at Google maps and pick out a pond, lake, canal, beach, park or field within walking or cycling distance that you’ve never been to before. Pack a book, a blanket and some refreshments, call a friend – and go check it out.
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2. Treat yourself to a swim
Outdoor swimming pools are now open – but you might need to book a slot in advance. Also there’s a chlorine shortage in some areas, so make sure your local pool isn’t impacted! Feeling adventurous? Look for wild swimming hotspots near you.
3. Make your own banana ice cream
There’s a really quick way to make “ice cream” using bananas – perfect for summery treats. Dig out those ripened bad boys, peel them, mush them up and put them in the freezer. Once they’re frozen, pop them in a blender and the end result is a cold, creamy banana dessert.
If you want to give it an upgrade, try adding a tablespoon of peanut butter, a dollop of honey, a touch of sweetened condensed milk or a sprinkling of cinnamon, suggests The Kitchn. And don’t forget to enjoy it outside.
Not got any bananas? Track down your local ice cream man or head to the shops and treat yourself to the real deal.
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4. Have a picnic dinner
Picnics had a moment in the pandemic, and they’re still perfect for this weather. If you have a garden or nearby local park, why not have dinner outside this week?
Get your favourite foodie bits from the shop, invite nearby family or friends, chill some drinks in preparation, make a fancy cocktail if you’re staying at home, or prep the Pimm’s – and you’ve got yourself a pretty perfect evening ahead.
5. Create an outdoor cinema
You don’t need loads of equipment to create an outdoor cinema – just a laptop, Netflix and some blankets for when it starts to get chilly. Grab a couple of comfy chairs (you might want to bring some cushions outside), pop your laptop on a table and light some candles or hang fairy lights to set the scene. Popcorn is a must. If you don’t have a garden, take your set-up to the park and swap the chairs for a picnic blanket. Don’t fancy putting in the work? Search for an outdoor screen with showings in your area.
stanisluva via Getty Images/iStockphoto open-air cinema in the park
6. Get moving in the sunshine
Playing rounders (a bit like softball, for our American friends) is fun at any age. And it’s great exercise. Win, win. If that’s not your cup of tea, why not look for outdoor exercise classes, such as bootcamp, running or yoga. Just remember to stay hydrated.
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7. Dust off the BBQ
There might still be remnant’s of your last barbecue on the grill, so get the marigolds on and clean it up because you’ll be needing it this week. Stuck for recipe ideas? Try these smokey chipotle chicken wings, barbecued mackerel, and halloumi and pineapple skewer recipes. And if you need a new barbie (or some cleaning tools) we’ve got you covered.
8. Go on a walk with a podcast
Liven up your same-old evening amble with a new podcast. We’d recommend Am I Making You Uncomfortable? (of course), HuffPost UK Life’s podcast addressing women’s health, bodies and private lives. Expect candid chats about nipples, body image, money and more. If you’re up to date with that one, have a look through these eight podcast recommendations from the HuffPost UK team.
9. Tidy up your outside space
There’s literally no better time to spruce up your outside space than during this sunny spell – especially if you’re hoping to use it more this summer. Remove any old flower heads to give your plants the chance to flower again, pull out unsightly weeds, and give your plants a much-needed drink.
With garden centres open, you could even venture to your local centre after work to pick up some new blooms or seeds.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--These Unique Baby Names Are Inspired By The Great Outdoors

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Whether it’s the name for a magnificent tree or one reminiscent of a beautiful flower, giving your baby a moniker inspired by nature is bound to invest them with a sense of connection to the world around them.
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After all, most of us feel happiness and serenity when we’re outdoors, surrounded by mountains, beaches or forests – especially during lockdown.
We have a wealth of baby name inspiration on HuffPost UK Parents, but here are 10 monikers inspired by the wild earth.
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Holly
From Old English, meaning the holly tree, Holly is synonymous with all the joy of Christmas.
Willow
This name comes from the Old English word welig, meaning willow. It’s both graceful and romantic.
Ivy
From the name for the plant – and as used by Beyoncé and Jay-Z for their daughter, Blue Ivy, who was born in 2012.
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Autumn
Autumn comes from the Latin word autumnus and reminds us of orange and brown crisp leaves on the ground.
Aurora
Originates from the name of the ancient Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora – and also the name for the northern lights (aurora borealis).
golf was here via Getty Images Aurora Display
River
It comes from the Latin word for river bank – a child named River is bound to be a rock star.
Robin
A pet form of Robert. Robin means fame or famous, and bright.
Kai
This name from the Hawaiian word for ocean. See also: Kai Rooney.
Fox
Go a little more unique with this moniker. According to the Celts, foxes are a guide in the spirit world.
Atlas
It comes from the Greek and describes Titan – the bearer of the heavens. This child is bound to be an explorer.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-06-23--Kids May Be At Risk Of Post-Traumatic Stress. Here's How To Spot It

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We’re here to guide you through the coronavirus pandemic. Sign up to the Life newsletter for daily tips, advice, how-tos and escapism.
Children may be at risk of post-traumatic stress linked to the pandemic, a new report warns, as some are having vivid nightmares related to the virus.
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The report, from the Childhood Trust, states that children and young people are reporting higher instances of depression, anxiety and loneliness compared to older counterparts. “They are worried about contracting the virus, spreading it to their family members and losing loved ones,” the report says.
It notes that those who are also experiencing hunger and food insecurity due to school closures are likely to be among the worst affected, as are young carers.
“Current social distancing measures enforced on children because of Covid-19 are likely to increase the risk of depression and probably anxiety, as well as possible post-traumatic stress,” Dr Maria Loades said in the report.
So how can you tell if your child is at risk of long-term problems?
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Children can show a range of different signs of stress or anxiety and we shouldn’t only be worried about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – defined as an anxiety disorder caused by frightening or distressing events – says child psychologist Dr Amanda Gummer, founder of Good Play Guide.
“General signs include irrational fears of things they used to be happy doing and being susceptible to emotional outbursts including tears or anger,” she tells HuffPost UK. “They may be clingier than usual, suffering separation anxiety.”
Dr Rosan, programme lead at the Mental Health Foundation, previously told HuffPost UK signs of PTSD in children may also include an increased heart rate, sweating, rapid breathing and changes in appetite.
Your child might become preoccupied with thoughts or images of an event or start experiencing nightmares and worrying it will happen again. “You may notice they’re less able to concentrate or become easily distracted,” she said. Younger children might instead tell you they have a headache or stomachache, added Dr Rosan. And regressive behaviours are common, “such as a resurgence of bedwetting or thumb-sucking”.
There may be long-lasting impacts for all children, says Dr Gummer, but PTSD is usually associated with a specific traumatic event. Therefore children who have lost someone close, been strictly shielding, or been severely affected by the crisis are considered most at risk.
“General signs include irrational fears of things they used to be happy doing.” - Dr Amanda Gummer, founder of Good Play Guide
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“The most important thing is to try and keep lines of communication open and ensure children have trusted adults they can talk to,” says Dr Gummer. “In severe cases, professional help may be needed, but there’s lots parents can do to reduce children’s anxieties and hopefully prevent things from escalating.”
It’s important your children know their feelings are valid. Try to give them space and the opportunity to open up to you by planning an activity together such as a game or baking – or go for a walk together where they lead the conversation.
“They may not open up straight away, but by making sure they know you have the time for them, are happy to listen and will try and empathise and not judge, they will be more likely to talk to you about their feelings over time,” she says. “Try and avoid asking too many direct questions – if it feels like an interview or interrogation, they’ll be more inclined to stay quiet.”
If you’re worried about self harm or if your child’s behaviour is having a serious or sustained impact on their ability to engage with normal family life, it may be time to seek professional help.
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