thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-13--So You Lied To Your Partner. Now How Do You Tell Them?

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In marriage, couples therapist Becky Whetstone likes to say there are two types of lies: misdemeanour lies are the equivalent of a parking ticket — maybe you lie and say you love going to your in-laws’ for the holidays, then sulk the whole time you’re there. Or maybe you neglect to tell your husband that you added your high school ex on social media. It’s not great, but it’s usually not grievous either.
Then there are felonies, Whetstone said. “Felonies are completely unacceptable acts hidden or denied that absolutely, positively will do damage to the relationship, such as cheating, verbal and emotional abuse and addictions,” the therapist explained.
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The severity of a lie may be different, but the rationale for doing it tends to be the same, she said.
“In both cases, it’s an attempt to maintain our reputation as being a good and honest person, or a certain kind of person that we’d like others to view us as, or to protect ourselves from the negative reaction of others,” she said.
We know lying is damaging to our intimate relationships, but we’re all bound to do it at some point. Once we do tell a little white lie ― or a big, potentially destructive lie ― how do we tell our partners? Below, Whetstone and other therapists give their best advice.
How To Admit You Told A Small Lie
LaylaBird via Getty Images Don't spring your secret on your partner when they're busy with something.
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Pick the right time.
Timing is everything with this. If you know your spouse has a big work presentation the next day, table the talk. If they’re in the middle of cooking dinner, wait then, too. You want them to be in a relaxed and chilled-out mode, Whetstone said.
“Your first choice is not to spring it on your mate out of the blue, but to wait until the subject comes up organically,” she said. “For instance, your partner mentions shopping for new tires for his convertible and you confess in a light-hearted way that you replaced one of the tires yourself recently when you bumped a curb and blew out one of the old ones. Whoops.”
Delivery matters. Don’t dump information, and don’t be overly dramatic.
Once you’ve decided to share, you’ll probably be in a rush to get it off your chest. But handle things with care. Simply blurting out the truth without any consideration of how it will impact your partner is a rookie mistake, said Kurt Smith, a therapist.
“Take a few minutes to think ahead of time how you’ll phrase what you’re going to say so it’s received as best as possible,” he said. “Knowing your partner, how do you think they’ll take this news? Adjust your message and the timing of it accordingly.”
Also, don’t be overly dramatic if you’re truly dealing with a small-time lie.
“Telling your partner you’ve got something you need to tell them or saying something like ‘We really need to talk’ can create an expectation that it’s going to be really bad,” Smith said. “They’ll better receive what you’re going to tell them if you deliver it more naturally. So share your lie as part of a conversation as opposed to the ‘big talk.’”
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Actually apologise.
This one seems like a no-brainer but it’s amazing how often this step is overlooked, Smith said.
“If you’ve lied to or deceived your partner, then you should say, ‘I’m sorry’ and add a description to the end of it of why you’re sorry,” he said. “The humility and strength it takes to say these two words can go a long way in helping your partner hear and accept your confession.”
How To Admit You Told A Big Lie
PredragImages via Getty Images Don't forget to apologize after admitting to a lie.
Treat it with the seriousness it deserves.
A big-time lie deserves big-time humility. While the goal with a smaller lie is to admit to it without overstating it, with a weightier lie, you shouldn’t minimise any of it. Characterise it as the big deal that it is, and be prepared for an intense reaction from your partner, Whetstone said.
“A stance of ownership and humility must be maintained, as any sort of defense will likely intensify the reaction of the other person and do more damage,” she said. “Treat it with seriousness, then dedicate yourself to transparency, change and redemption.”
Use the Oreo method.
When it comes to confessing a lie, no matter the severity, marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers is a big believer in the ‘Oreo’ method: You start with a chocolate cookie ― aka, something to soften the blow: “I love you and I’m telling you this because I want for us to have a strong, loving, honest relationship. I hate secrets and lies,” for instance. Then, get into the filling ― the admission of your lie, error, hurtful behaviour or guilt.
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“Tell your partner what happened and why,” Meyers said. “At this point, spare your partner the gory details. Reactions and questions will come up later to be answered and dealt with.”
Close with another chocolate cookie, or positive remark or action.
“Start with love. Take responsibility for what you know is wrong. Express regret and then express your desire to make things right,” she said. “Close with love. Say, ‘There is no excuse for my behaviour. It is my fault. I want to focus on making our relationship stronger and better than ever.’”
Don’t blame or deflect.
When backed into a corner ― even if we’re there by our own doing― the natural response is to try to justify our behaviour. But in doing so, we often deflect blame. (“I cheated on you because you haven’t been emotionally available to me since we had the baby.”) Don’t do that, Smith said.
“It’s always helpful to give an explanation to help your partner make some sense of what you’re disclosing, just be sure not to blame them for it — even if they were an influence,” he said. “Fully own your behaviour, and your dishonesty is going to be better received.”
Have a game plan for after you divulge.
Your partner’s reaction to your admission may catch you by surprise. Plan for the best-case scenario and the worst one in the aftermath of this conversation, said Liz Higgins, an individual and couples therapist who works primarily with millennials.
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“Have concrete actions in mind that you can begin doing immediately that would show your partner you’re serious about making healthy changes [going] forward,” she said. “And recognise that, no matter what you decide to be proactive about, your partner is still entitled to their own emotions and decisions around what they need to do, too.”
Don’t feel like you have to go it alone, either. Consider looking up names of therapists in case you both decide you want professional help following the revelation, Higgins said.
“You’ll need to explore what led you to lie versus share the truth, and realise that this may be more about you than anything lacking in your relationship,” she said. “Therapy can help with this.”
Know that it will likely get better.
This might feel like a low point in your relationship, but if the two of you commit to working through the issue, it can only get better from there. When we’re hiding something or outright lying, it inevitably affects our mood, behaviour and communication, Smith said.
When you rid yourself of the burden of a lie, it’s freeing ― you can be transparent and you again ― and positive for your relationship with your partner. Plus, he said, honesty builds intimacy.
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“When we’re honest with our partner, it builds connection,” he said.“Our relationship is strengthened and deepened by being truthful as well as being real that we make mistakes and aren’t perfect.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-13--50 Awesome Solo Travel Destinations To Visit In 2020

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South Island, New Zealand
primeimages via Getty Images
“Although I might be biased because I am a Kiwi myself, I still have the South Island of New Zealand up at the top of my list as a great solo travel location for 2020. OK, it is on the edge of the world, which means a long flight, jet lag and an expensive plane ticket. But road-tripping around the beautiful South Island, where you can easily find a spot to watch the sunset and have a glass of wine in the wilderness alone, is sure to provide you with whatever it was you set off to achieve by solo traveling in the first place. You can surf on the East Coast, then drive an hour and a half and be in the Southern Alps that run right through the middle of the South Island to go snowboarding or hiking. If that hasn’t sold it for you, then maybe the fact there are no snakes or deadly animals will make the thought of a hike into the wilderness a pleasant one.” ― Eamon Wood, travel blogger at Wayward Wheeler


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-13--Marmee's The Word: 5 Parenting Lessons We Could All Learn From Little Women

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In Greta Gerwig’s film adaptation of Little Women, the message is clear: Marmee just knows.
From encouraging her quartet of daughters – Jo, Meg, Beth and Amy – to seek fulfilment, while also helping those in need (hands up if you managed to keep a dry eye watching the girls give up their Christmas meal) to teaching by example (slipping her own scarf into the package she gives to a man whose sons have gone to war, to keep him warm), Marmee March is the parent we strive to be.
But in an already award-winning performance by Laura Dern, she is fallible, too – and happy to admit this to her girls. Here are five parenting tips we took away from Gerwig’s masterful re-telling of Louisa May Alcott’s classic book.
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(Warning: Contains spoilers about the film and book)
Sony Pictures Entertainment Emma Watson, Florence Pugh and Saoirse Ronan all star in Little Women
Championing girls
“Girls have to go out into the world and make up their own minds about things,” Marmee says. This, even though times were hard for women in post-Civil War America (Amy talks memorably of marriage being an “economic proposition”, otherwise a woman has nothing – not even the “property” of her own children).
Later, after Jo inherits Aunt March’s huge stately pile, Marmee is right there by her side, supporting her as she transforms it into a school for girls to learn.
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Making sacrifices
On Christmas morning, the girls rush down to the kitchen to find the table filled with delicious treats. But Marmee teaches them – and us – an important lesson about sacrifice and helping others.
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“Mrs Hummel has a brand-new baby,” she says. “All six of her children are huddled into one bed to keep from freezing, because the house is so cold. There is nothing to eat over there, and they are suffering and hungry. Will you give them your breakfast as a Christmas present?”
After a moment’s hesitation, the girls do it – and the very next scene sees them skipping and laughing through the snow on their way to their good deed.
The sacrifices Marmee must have made – while her husband is away at war – are only ever hinted at in the film, but it makes you respect her all the more.
Forgiving each other
When Amy (Florence Pugh) burns Jo’s precious novel in revenge after a bitter row, it looks like the two sisters may never reconcile. But Marmee steps in with her trademark wisdom. “Don’t let the sun go down upon your anger,” she tells Jo. “Forgive each other. Begin again tomorrow.”
Her warning is prescient, too – the very next day, Amy comes close to drowning when she falls into an icy lake. The sisters are brought back together by the shock of almost losing each other – a stark reminder of the importance of never being too proud to say sorry or admit we are wrong to the ones we love, even when we’re the grown-up.
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Sony Pictures Entertainment Laura Dern and Timothée Chalamet as Marmee and Laurie
Dealing with anger
“There are some natures too noble to curb and too lofty to bend,” Marmee says to free-spirited Jo (Saiorse Ronan), when she laments her impulsiveness, passion and potential to be “savage”.
Apparently a real-life quote from Alcott’s mother, this line teaches children that it’s okay not to be perfect – and nobody can be, all of the time. The important thing is self-acceptance and simply trying to be the best you can be.
Marmee isn’t afraid to admit her own faults to her children, either. “I’m angry nearly every day of my life,” Marmee confides in Jo. “I am not patient by nature. But with nearly 40 years of effort, I’m learning to not let it get the better of me.”
Being true to yourself
In an emotional scene, Jo talks to her mother about whether or not she should have accepted her neighbour and best friend Laurie’s marriage proposal.
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“I just feel like women, they have minds and they have souls, as well as just hearts,” Jo says. “And they’ve got ambition and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--'I've Got A Text, Not A Man' – Love Island Has A New Queen Of The One-Liners | Love Island Unpacked

'I've Got A Text, Not A Man' – Love Island Has A New Queen Of The One-Liners | Love Island Unpacked
Last night, we saw the twins getting their graft, ending with them taking away two guys from their respective girls. But a recoupling later in the week could leave the twins with egg on their faces.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Ollie Williams Quits Love Island Villa

Ollie Williams Quits Love Island Villa

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Love Island contestant Ollie Williams has quit the show, claiming to still be in love with an ex girlfriend.
A spokesperson for the show confirmed that he has left the villa after three days.
They said in a statement: “Ollie has made the decision to leave the Love Island villa.”
Ollie Williams has left the Love Island villa ITV
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The 23-year-old, who was coupled up with Lewis Capaldi’s ex Paige Turley on the ITV2 show, expanded on his decision in the Beach Hut, saying: “I have to be honest with myself, and everyone, that I do still love someone else…
“I have to follow my heart in this scenario and it would be wrong for me to ignore these feelings.
“At the end of the day, this is Love Island and it’s about finding love. If I carried on anything with Paige, or any other girl that might come into the villa, it wouldn’t be fair on them.”
Ollie was at the centre of controversy over pictures of him posing with dead animals ITV
Ollie, who is heir to Lanhydrock estate in Cornwall, has been at the centre of controversy since the series began after pictures surfaced of him posing with dead animals.
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The photos showed the 23-year-old posing next to a dead warthog, water buffalo and giant eland, with the paper claiming he had been promoting his hunting business Cornish Sporting Agency.
However, there have been conflicting reports about the nature of the pictures, with an unnamed “source” apparently close to the reality star telling The Sun he “was involved in the culling of sick animals”.
Ollie had been coupled up with Paige Turley on the show ITV
TV watchdog Ofcom confirmed they had received 231 complaints about Ollie’s participation in the series in light of the pictures.
An online petition to remove him from the villa had also hit over 36,000 signatures prior to the announcement of his departure.
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Love Island continues tonight at 9pm on ITV2.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Lewis Capaldi Breaks Silence On Ex Paige Turley's Love Island Appearance

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Lewis Capaldi might be on his way to becoming one of the wealthiest men in music, but he is still wanting a cut of ex-girlfriend Paige Turley’s prize money if she wins Love Island.
The singer has finally broken his silence after his ex was revealed as one of the contestants, joking that she is only on the show because of their relationship.
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During an interview with New Zealand radio hosts Dom and Meg for The Edge, Lewis addressed Paige’s appearance on the ITV2 show, admitting it would have been nice for him to have had some prior warning about her being an Islander.
Lewis Capaldi SEBASTIEN NOGIER/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock
Lewis explained: “She never told me she was going on it. It would have been a nice heads up! But, I mean, fair play, good luck to her.”
He also insisted he will be watching the show and cheering her on to win.
“The prize is £50,000, and I’ll be like ’Well, listen, they asked you to go on it, right? I’m not saying I’m the reason but also … slide me two grand,” he continued.
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Of their romance, he added: “I’ve known her for years. I was 18 when we first met, 19 when we started going out and 20 when we finished going out.
“It was very amicable, the split.”
Love Island's Paige Turley ITV
It has been rumoured Lewis wrote hit song Someone You Loved about Paige, but she remained coy about the link during an interview with HuffPost UK prior to entering the villa.
She said: “Lewis has actually never said to me those songs are about you.
“People can relate to his music, but I don’t actually know. You’d have to ask Lewis.”
Lewis and Paige have remained close since their split, and Paige revealed they still see one another when his hectic schedule permits.
Paige is one of the 12 Islanders currently in the villa ITV
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She added was not shocked to see how successful Lewis has become over the last 18 months.
“Even through college before we got together and even when we did get together, I always kept saying to him, ‘It’s a matter of time’,” she said.
“Everyone that’s seen Lewis perform or heard his music, it was just a case of when.
“He’s such a talented writer. So it was no surprise.”
Love Island continues tonight at 9pm on ITV2.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Meghan Markle 'Decided Not To Join Royal Family Crisis Talks'

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Meghan Markle decided not to join the royal summit at Sandringham on Monday and instead relied on her husband to put their case for a new independent life, according to reports.
There has been speculation about whether Meghan, who is in Canada with baby son Archie, was able to participate by phone in discussions convened by the Queen at Sandringham.
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But a source told PA Media: “In the end, the Sussexes decided that it wasn’t necessary for the duchess to join.”
Meghan is reportedly the driving force behind the couple’s wish to step back as frontline royals, become financially independent and live part of the year in Canada.
But it appears she was happy for Harry to conduct the face-to-face talks with his family without her direct input.
After the summit the Queen issued a statement, saying she was “entirely supportive” of the decision by the duke and duchess to step back as “senior royals”, and said that the family had “constructive discussions” in a crunch meeting on Monday.
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The Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the UK as the arrangements are thrashed out.
The move has raised questions over the costs of the couple’s security during their time in North America and who would foot the bill.
Canada’s prime minister Justin Trudeau said the costs, and what role they will play in Canadian life, would be the subject of future discussions.
Canadian PM Justin Trudeau. Candace Elliott / Reuters
Asked during an interview with Global News on Monday whether Canadian taxpayers would have to pay he replied: “That is part of the reflection that needs to be had and there are discussions going on.
“We’re not entirely sure what the final decisions will be, what the dispositions are and those are decisions for them.
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“I think most Canadians are very supportive of having royals here, but how that looks and what kind of costs are involved, there are still lots of discussions to have.”
Trudeau said the federal Canadian government had not been involved “up until this point” about what the couple’s move to the country will involve.
He added: “There are still a lot of decisions to be taken by the royal family, by the Sussexes themselves, as to what level of engagement they choose to have.
“We are obviously supportive of their reflections but have responsibilities in that as well.”
Boris Johnson has said he is “absolutely confident” the royal family can resolve the crisis around Meghan and Harry’s future roles.
The PM told BBC Breakfast: “My view on this is very straightforward: I am a massive fan, like most of our viewers, of the Queen and the royal family as a fantastic asset for our country.
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“I’m absolutely confident that they are going to sort this out.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--You Don't 'Snap' Your Penis. It's Actually More Of A Burst

“It’s because of the sheath around the soft tissue that pops,” Dr Sara Kayat told This Morning. “It makes a physical popping noise and it becomes quite painful, excruciatingly painful in fact, and swollen.”
Other symptoms include an instant loss of erection, dark purple bruising and problems with urinating. It’s thought some men who experience penile fracture are too embarrassed to report it to their doctor – but leaving it untreated can do more harm than good.
Gordon Muir, a consultant urologist at King’s College Hospital in London, said men might be left with a misshapen penis as a result of Peyronie’s disease, or erectile problems. Peyronie’s disease causes the penis to become curved when erect – it’s thought the condition occurs after an injury, but it can also develop without any obvious cause.
How can a penis injury be prevented?


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--What You Need To Know About NikkieTutorials – And Why She's Great

As the name of her channel suggests, Nikkie is known for her makeup tutorials. She uploaded her first video to Youtube on 29 June 2008 and has amassed a loyal audience of 12.7 million subscribers through weekly tutorials, reviews and collaborations with other YouTubers and celebrities.
“I’ve always wanted to live in a world where I saw myself as me, as Nikki, as a woman, as a girl, as a boss lady,” she said in her latest video. “I started my channel when I still got really really bullied for all of this and this was my way out. This was my world, where I could truly be free, but at the end of the day, my story is beautiful. I’m proud of my story.”
Nikkie is now based in Amsterdam. In August 2019, the star revealed she was engaged to her long-term boyfriend Dylan Drossaers in an Instagram post from their holiday in Italy. Fans were introduced to Dylan in a recent video, Fiance Does My Makeup In Dutch.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Saving Flybe By Cutting Airline Tax Would Be ‘Exact Opposite Of Tackling Climate Change’

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A possible government deal to cut the cost of flights to save regional airline Flybe is “the exact opposite” of what is needed to tackle climate change, environmental campaigners have argued.
According to numerous reports, chancellor Sajid Javid is considering cutting air passenger duty (APD) – a tax on passenger flights from UK airports – on all domestic flights to save Flybe from collapse. The firm has said it runs 38% of all domestic flights within the UK.
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“The government cannot claim to be a global leader on tackling the climate emergency one day, then making the most carbon-intensive kind of travel cheaper the next,” Greenpeace UK’s policy director Doug Parr said.
Cutting the cost of domestic flights while allowing train fares to rise “is the exact opposite of what we need if we’re to cut climate-wrecking emissions from transport,” he said.
“The aviation sector has got away for years with increasing its carbon footprint. The last thing we need is another incentive for them to pollute more.”
Friends of the Earth campaigners have also called on the government to invest more in the rail system, instead of making flying around the UK cheaper.
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“These short UK trips are exactly the ones we need to avoid,” said Jenny Bates, calling potential plans to cut APD “unacceptable” and “reckless”.
Green MP Caroline Lucas said cutting APD was “utterly inconsistent with any serious commitment” to tackle the climate crisis.
Addressing #Flybe problems by reducing #APD on all domestic flights is utterly inconsistent with any serious commitment to tackle #ClimateCrisis
Aviation already subsidised - no tax on fuel
Domestic flights need to be reduced, not made cheaper https://t.co/Ak5e2BfetW — Caroline Lucas (@CarolineLucas) January 14, 2020
Flybe – which operates more UK domestic flights than any other airline – has long argued that APD unfairly affects its domestic customers.
Under current rules, domestic passengers are charged a £26 levy for a return trip in the UK – £13 for each time they take-off from a UK airport – while those flying to and from countries less than 2,000 miles away only pay the charge on their trip out of the UK.
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APD generates billions for the Treasury each year, with the fee expected to be worth £3.7bn in 2019/20.
Javid was also reportedly set to speak to business secretary Andrea Leadsom and transport secretary Grant Shapps about whether Flybe’s APD bill – estimated to be £106m this year – could instead be deferred for three years.
Tim Alderslade, chief executive of trade body Airlines UK – which represents UK carriers – called APD “an anomaly that particularly hurts regional aviation”.
“Levying £26 in tax when – in the case of Flybe – the average fare is £52 is not sustainable when so many other costs on airlines are increasing,” he said.
“APD is not and never has been an environmental tax. It has no bearing on the ability of the aviation industry to decarbonise and achieve net zero emissions by 2050.”
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This will instead be achieved by other measures, Alderslade said, including “airspace modernisation”, the development of sustainable aviation fuels and cleaner planes.
If it collapsed, Flybe – which carries eight million passengers a year and employs more than 2,400 people – would be the second UK airline to fail in four months, after Thomas Cook went bust in September.
Boris Johnson said the government was "working very hard" to do what it could to help Flybe PA Wire/PA Images
Asked on Tuesday whether he intended to save the airline, Boris Johnson said it was not the government’s job to “step in and save companies that simply run into trouble”.
“But be in no doubt that we see the importance of Flybe in delivering connectivity across the whole United Kingdom,” he told the BBC.
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“We’re working very hard to do what we can, but obviously people will understand that there are limits, commercially, to what a government can do to rescue any particular firm.
“But what we will do is ensure that we have the regional connectivity that this country needs.”
Shadow chancellor John McDonnell argued against “bailing out a company through a tax cut”.
Instead, the government “should look at targeted assistance to support routes judged on economic, environmental and social grounds”.
In the House of Commons, Labour’s transport secretary Andy McDonald said: “Slashing airport passenger duty across the board would make a mockery of the government’s supposed commitment to climate emissions.”
“Aviation is set to be the biggest source of emissions by 2050 with ministers planning for demand to double.”
It is the second time Flybe has come near to collapsing. In February 2019, the airline was bought by a consortium consisting of Virgin Atlantic, Stobart Group and Cyrus Capital following poor financial results.
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The consortium, known as Connect Airways, paid just £2.2m for Flybe’s assets but pledged to inject cash into the airline to turn it around.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Elizabeth Warren Says Bernie Sanders Told Her A Woman Couldn’t Win In 2020

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US Democratic presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren has said her rival for the nomination, Bernie Sanders, once told her he didn’t think a woman could win the 2020 presidential election.
“Among the topics that came up was what would happen if Democrats nominated a female candidate,” Warren said in a statement about a private meeting between the pair that took place in December 2018. “I thought a woman could win; he disagreed.”
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Warren, a senator for Massachusetts, went on to say she didn’t plan to discuss the meeting again and insisted she and Sanders have “far more in common than our differences on punditry”.
Her revelation came hours after CNN published a report about Sanders’ comments that cited only anonymous sources.
After Warren said she believed broad support from female voters would make her a strong competitor against Donald Trump, Sanders reportedly responded that he did not believe a woman could win.
Hours after the initial report, Warren supported CNN’s account of the conversation in a statement.
In response to a great deal of questions we’ve had today, below is a statement from Elizabeth Warren: pic.twitter.com/PdBCHJQCJE — Kristen Orthman (@KristenOrthman) January 14, 2020
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Earlier on Monday, Sanders had issued a strong rebuke of how CNN’s sources characterised his remarks.
“It is ludicrous to believe that at the same meeting where Elizabeth Warren told me she was going to run for president, I would tell her that a woman couldn’t win,” he said.
“It’s sad that, three weeks before the Iowa caucus and a year after that private conversation, staff who weren’t in the room are lying about what happened. What I did say that night was that Donald Trump is a sexist, a racist and a liar who would weaponise whatever he could.
“Do I believe a woman can win in 2020? Of course! After all, Hillary Clinton beat Donald Trump by three million votes in 2016.”
Sens. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren reportedly made a pact not to disparage each other on the campaign trail. ASSOCIATED PRESS
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The report comes amid rising tension between the two candidates’ campaigns. On Saturday, Politico published some of the scripts that Sanders’ campaign apparently gave volunteers. Talking points included claims that “people who support her are highly-educated, more affluent people who are going to show up and vote Democratic no matter what” and that “she’s bringing no new bases into the Democratic Party”.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Oprah Sets The Record Straight Over Supposed ‘Tell-All Interview’ With Harry And Meghan

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Oprah Winfrey has cleared up rumours suggesting that she is to film a “tell-all interview” with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
Earlier this week, The Sun claimed that Oprah was planning to sit down with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle for an on-screen interview in which they’d discuss their plans to step down from their duties as senior royals.
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The tabloid claimed the couple were using the interview as a “threat” to “get their way” as discussions continue over how exactly their adjusted roles will work.
Tomorrow's front page: Harry and Meghan may threaten a tell-all US TV interview to get their way at tomorrow's royal summit https://t.co/Ph8ySo2VgJ pic.twitter.com/pJDfl5pnXl — The Sun (@TheSun) January 12, 2020
However, Oprah has now set the record straight, insisting that she’s not involved in plans for any such interview.
Oprah Winfrey Larry Marano/Shutterstock
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In a message to BuzzFeed News, her rep said simply: “No, [Oprah is] not in discussion for an interview.”
Last week, Oprah shot down claims that she had “advised” Harry and Meghan ahead of their announcement.
Oprah – a friend of the couple, and one of many A-list guests at their wedding in 2018 – said: “Meghan and Harry do not need my help figuring out what’s best for them. I care about them both and support whatever decisions they make for their family.”
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry James Veysey/Shutterstock
Last week, Harry and Meghan caused a huge splash when they released a statement revealing: “After many months of reflection and internal discussions, we have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this institution.
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“We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the royal family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen.”
Since then, the Queen has put out a statement of her own, saying: “My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family. Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working Members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family.
“Harry and Meghan have made clear that they do not want to be reliant on public funds in their new lives.
“It has therefore been agreed that there will be a period of transition in which the Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the UK.”
She added: “These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be reached in the coming days.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Love Island Fans Are Already Predicting An Early Exit For Twins Jess And Eve

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Love Island twins Jess and Eve Gale may currently be at the centre of the drama, but fans are predicting they may soon find themselves dumped from the villa.
The pair caused all sorts of drama on Monday night’s episode when they were forced to steal two boys from the other girls.
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Viewers of the ITV2 dating show saw Jess break up Mike Boateng and Leanne Amaning as she stole the police officer for herself, while Eve coupled up with Callum Jones, leaving Shaughna Phillips single.
Love Island twins Jess and Eve ITV
However, a text then revealed that a recoupling will take place later in the week, with the two girls left single at the end of it set to be dumped from the villa.
And it seems fans have money on Mike and Callum going back to their original partners, which would leave bombshell arrivals Jess and Eve with egg on their face, becoming the first to be voted out.
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I’m not feeling these twins.. I feel like they not gonna last in the villa and might actually go out first with Mike and Callum going back to their original girls #LoveIsland — Victoriano Neto (@VictorianoNeto9) January 13, 2020
To say the twins are irritating would be an understatement. I reckon one of them goes home in the first recoupling though #LoveIsland — Liam Buckingham (@xliam93) January 13, 2020
Catching up on #LoveIsland
I feel sorry for Leanne & Shaughna that the twins picked Callum & Mike
I think they will soon come running when they realize that the twins ain't all that & the other girls are much better looking & personality too
Then you will have the upper hand😜 — Clare💫 (@Shortys_Story) January 14, 2020
Let’s be honest here in the recoupling later this week mike will pick Leanne and Callum will pick shaughna #LoveIsland — Alice Kate (@AliceHmua) January 13, 2020
I’m with @joeldommett on this one, Callum and Mike will go back to Shaughna and Leanne... so I’m hoping the twins will be the first to leave. #LoveIsland #LoveIslandAftersun — Elliot Gonzalez (@elliot_gonzalez) January 13, 2020
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Yes Leanne and Shaughna getting hurt is bad. But it'll be worth it for the pay off of Mike and Callum returning to them at the end of the week and Nas deciding which twin goes home.#LoveIsland — Ed Farrar (@Farrardise) January 13, 2020
I fully expect Shaughna/Callum and Leanne/Mike to get back together and right this wrong. Unless, Mike f**ks it up that is. His head has been tilting since those twins arrived😡 #LoveIsland — MissM (@Milly1978) January 13, 2020
There needs to be a massive curveball and Callum and Mike need to re-couple with Shaughna and Leanne and the twins get dumped then all is right in the world #LoveIsland — JJ (@jamesjjordan) January 13, 2020
Viewers made their predictions after seeing Mike deliver a heartfelt speech to Leanne about their blossoming romance.
He said: “I’m trying to do my best to reassure you and help you to kind of trust in my character and me as a person. I have come in here to find love, to find that someone.”
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Mike and Leanne ITV
Mike added: “My initial thoughts of you is that you could be that someone. And you’re a beautiful girl.”
Shaughna had also made moves to mark her territory by snogging Callum in case Eve picked him, in order to remind him what he would be missing.
Shaughna and Callum shared a kiss ITV
“I’ve done what the dogs do with the lamppost,” she said in the Beach Hut. “I’ve left my scent.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Scottish Independence: Boris Johnson Rejects Second Referendum

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Boris Johnson has rejected Nicola Sturgeon’s call for Holyrood to be given the power to hold another vote on Scottish independence.
“I cannot agree to any request for a transfer of power that would lead to further independence referendums,” the prime minister said in a letter to the first minister on Tuesday.
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Sturgeon said Johnson was “terrified of Scotland’s right to choose” because he believed the independence campaign would win.
In his letter to the SNP leader, Johnson said he had “carefully considered” the case she had made.
But he said both she and her predecessor Alex Salmond had made a “personal promise” that the referendum in 2014 was a “once in generation” event.
The prime minister said: “The UK Government will continue to uphold the democratic decision of the Scottish people and the promise that you made to them.
“For that reason I cannot agree to any request for a transfer of power that would lead to further independence referendums.”
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Sturgeon said on Twitter: “Tories are terrified of Scotland’s right to choose - because they know that when given the choice we’ll choose independence. Tories have no positive case for the union - so all they can do is attempt to deny democracy. It will not stand.
2/ The problem for the Tories is the longer they try to block democracy, the more they show the Westminster union is not one of equals and fuel support for independence. This response predictable - but also unsustainable and self defeating. Scotland will have the right to choose. — Nicola Sturgeon (@NicolaSturgeon) January 14, 2020
She added the Scottish government “will set out our response and next steps before the end of this month - when we will also again ask to back Scotland’s right to choose our own future”.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Volcano Causes Rare Volcanic Lightning In The Philippines

Volcano Causes Rare Volcanic Lightning In The Philippines
Taal volcano, one of the world’s smallest active volcanoes, has blasted ash into the air and caused volcanic lightning. Thousands of people were forced to evacuate across the country's capital of Manila, with some experts warning an eruption could happen at any time.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Huge Sinkhole Swallows Bus And People In China

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At least six have died and 10 more reported missing after a huge sinkhole opened on a Chinese street, swallowing a bus and a number of people.
State media said the incident happened at about 5.30pm on Monday in Xining, the capital of Qinghai province.
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Around 16 people have been taken to hospital.
Footage shown by broadcaster CCTV in China included people running away from the scene – a bus stop outside a hospital – as the ground beneath the bus began to give way.
Images and video footage showed the bus falling into the hole, followed by a flash and smoke.
The cause is under investigation and search and rescue teams are still looking for casualties, but say it is not known how many people were on the bus at the time.
Xinhua said more than 1,000 rescue workers and 30 vehicles have been dispatched to the scene.
The hole is believed to stretch about 10m in diameter and people who tried to rescue bus passengers were swept into it as it rapidly expanded, according to reports.
Sinkholes are common in China, and their appearance is often blamed on rapid construction and development across the country.
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thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Heston Blumenthal Would Really Like It If You Didn’t Instagram Your Food

ANDER GILLENEA via Getty Images
There’s one thing Heston Blumenthal isn’t a fan of his diners doing: taking photos of their food before eating it. Why? Because their dish goes cold.
The celebrity chef said he’s debated for several years now whether to intervene when diners at his triple Michelin-starred restaurant, The Fat Duck, photograph their dinner as soon as it’s served.
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“If we say to people, ‘Your food’s going cold’, you put up a barrier between you and the diner,” he told the Radio Times.
“I’ve been very tempted [to tell people not to use their phones]. We did it once in Australia because somebody was taking pictures with a flash, which affected other tables. It’s a really tricky thing.”
The chef said social media has become such a big part of our lives, to the point where “our sight has become almost the more important sense rather than smell or taste”.
He added that if he sees something beautiful like a sunset, he tries to be in the moment – and then takes a picture afterwards.
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YakobchukOlena via Getty Images
Blumenthal isn’t the only one frustrated about our phone obsession, it would seem. Last year, the Samuel Smith pub chain took a stance against devices by banning them altogether in all 300 of their pubs.
Customers wishing to check their phones must go outside to use them, notices in the pub read, in the same way as is required with smoking. And the rule is enforced by staff, too.
Sally Lait, a senior engineering manager at Monzo, recently recounted how she was in one of the pubs with a group of friends, talking and playing board games. At certain points, various people checked their phones and, when they did, they were approached by staff and reportedly told to stop or leave.
“Fair enough, most of our usage wasn’t needed,” Lait wrote in a lengthy Twitter thread. “But what about situations where a device is genuinely essential for someone? Helping to independently read a menu if visually impaired? Quickly reading and writing to communicate if hearing is difficult?”
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I want to talk a little bit about the dangers of privilege and lack of empathy when it comes to increasingly popular "digital free" experiences, though the lens of my time in a @samsmithsbeer pub yesterday. [Thread] pic.twitter.com/52gmzo0PCo — Sally Lait (@sallylait) January 5, 2020
Explaining the reasoning for the policy, Humphrey Smith, owner of the brewery, reportedly wrote in a memo sent to managers in 2019: “The brewery’s policy is that our pubs are for social conversation, person to person.”
New parents are also being guilt-tripped into stepping away from their devices in some hospitals. Another photo of a poster did the rounds on Twitter – “Mummy & Daddy,” it read. “Please look at ME when I am feeding, I am much more interesting than your phone. Thank you.”
According to the tweet, the poster was situated in a special care birth unit, where they look after newborns with life-threatening conditions. HuffPost UK columnist, Robyn Wilder, branded it “parent shaming” and pointed out that sometimes babies feed for a very long time, “at which point the novelty wears off and you start wondering what’s happening on Instagram”.
She added: “Your phone can be your lifeline when you’re a parent – and an anchor to the world.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Little Women Stars Jump To Greta Gerwig’s Defence After Best Director Oscars Snub

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Greta Gerwig is choosing to focus on the positive after being snubbed for an Oscar in this year’s nominations.
On Monday, it was announced that no women had been nominated in the Best Director category at this year’s Academy Awards, meaning Greta and fellow directors Lulu Wang, Lorene Scafaria and Alma Har’el were not on the shortlist.
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Shortly after the nominations were announced, Greta released a statement, in which she focussed on her excitement for her film Little Women receiving six nominations, rather than her own personal snub.
“I am brimming with happiness,” she said. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you (that’s six!) to the Academy.”
Greta Gerwig Michael Kovac via Getty Images
She continued: “Every single person who worked on this film poured their heart and soul into it, and we are all so grateful to the Academy for recognising the collective effort.
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“I am so personally proud of each person who worked on the film, and I am bursting with joy for all of them.”
The director went on to give shout-outs to the cast, including nominated actresses Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh, as well as Laura Dern, who was recognised in the Best Supporting Actress category for her role in Marriage Story, directed by Greta’s partner Noah Baumbach.
Greta also gave shout-outs to cast members Emma Watson, Meryl Streep, Eliza Scanlen and Timothée Chalamet, who she described as “the fifth March sister” and an “all-round prince”.
The cast of Little Women at the film's world premiere Taylor Hill via Getty Images
She added: “Writing and directing this film was an honour and sharing it with audiences has been the most sincerely heart-warming journey.
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“I hope our Little Women does for another generation of girls and women what it did for me: lights a fire to write your book, make your movie, sing your verse. From all of us Little Women and Men, thank you to the Academy.”
However, while Greta has chosen not to address the snub, the same can’t be said for her cast, with nominated stars Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh both voicing their upset.
Saoirse told Deadline: “I’m really happy that the Academy recognised [Gerwig] for Adapted Screenplay and Picture, and I feel like if you’ve been nominated for Best Picture, you have essentially been nominated for Best Director.
“But to me, Greta, since she started, has made two perfect films, and I hope when she makes her next perfect movie, she gets recognised for everything, because I think she’s one of the most important filmmakers of our time.”
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Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh with director Greta Gerwig David M. Benett via Getty Images
Florence also described the snub as a “blow”, noting: “I think everybody’s angry and quite rightly so.
“I can’t believe [no women have been nominated for Best Director] again, but I don’t really know how to solve it. I don’t know what the answer is, other than we’re talking about it.”
This year’s Oscars take place on Sunday 9 February.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--US Navy: We Have More UFO Stuff And You're Definitely Not Allowed To See It

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The US Navy reportedly has footage and documents related to a UFO video that caused a sensation when it was leaked in 2017. But it won’t reveal any of it because releasing the info and footage “would cause exceptionally grave damage to the National Security of the United States,” the Navy said in response to a Freedom of Information Act request by UFO researcher Christian Lambright.
Vice independently confirmed the Navy’s response to the request.
Lambright sought more information about a 2004 sighting off the California coast that is often referred to as the “Tic Tac” due to the shape of the fast-moving object that was tracked by US military pilots in leaked footage:
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The object rapidly descended from 60,000 feet to 50 feet in seconds.
“The part that drew our attention was how it wasn’t behaving within the normal laws of physics,” pilot Chad Underwood, who filmed the encounter, told New York magazine last month.
The Navy wrote to Lambright saying it had found “certain briefing slides that are classified TOP SECRET” related to the incident as well as “a video classified SECRET.” As a result, it could not release the info.
Copies of the letter were posted on the UFOs - Documenting The Evidence blog.
Vice verified the news with the Navy.
″[A]s the investigation of UAP sightings is ongoing, we will not publicly discuss individual sighting reports/observations,” Susan Gough, a Pentagon spokesperson, told the website. The military does not refer to these sightings as UFOs but rather unidentified aerial phenomena (UAP).
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Gough also said the military’s footage of the incident was of the same duration as the footage that was leaked, but she would not answer questions about the resolution or say if there was any additional accompany audio.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Piers Morgan Accused Of 'Vendetta' Against Meghan Markle By Good Morning Britain Guest

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Piers Morgan was put in his place during Tuesday’s Good Morning Britain, when a guest accused him of harbouring a “personal vendetta” against Meghan Markle.
In the past, Piers has made no secret of his feelings about the Duchess of Sussex, which have only been amplified by the recent news that she and Prince Harry are planning to step down from their roles as senior royals.
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The royal couple were once again the topic of conversation during the latest edition of GMB, where Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu suggested the treatment of Meghan Markle in the media was symptomatic of racism in the UK.
“Where is this racism that you keep talking about?” Piers demanded. “Where are the ghastly tabloids which you say have been driving this racist agenda against a woman who was lauded and welcomed?”
Piers Morgan Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock
Dr Shola then suggested Piers was asking a deliberately “obtuse” question, pointing out that if he’d watched any of her recent interviews, he’d see that she’d given plenty of examples.
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“I’m going to stop the conversation on Meghan being the problem or saying that she’s done something,” Dr Shola began.
“Let me tell you what’s so offensive about this Piers, especially with you. You are a man, privileged to have power and influence and you are using your platform so irresponsibly to spout out this personal vendetta with nasty and vile comments knowing fully well that your words are containing bigotry, misogyny, sexism and racism.
“You don’t take responsibility for how you have contributed to the so-called royal crisis. So when you ask me where is racism, it is not my job teach you about racism.”
Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu backstage at Good Morning Britain Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock
When Piers hit back that Dr Shola “likes to say that it’s all driven by racism”, she quickly responded: “It’s the fact you can’t see it because of your privilege. It is not my job to educate you Mr Morgan but you refuse to get educated.”
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A day earlier, Dr Shola won praise on social media for similar comments she made to Phillip Schofield during an appearance on This Morning.
- Phillip Schofield: “what examples do you have (of racism against Meghan)?”
- @SholaMos1: “That’s another problem. When people keep asking ‘what examples?’, it makes me question where have you been the last two years.”
What an interview.
pic.twitter.com/9yfu1njOKq — Nadine White (@Nadine_Writes) January 13, 2020
When Phillip suggested he personally “hadn’t read anything” in the media about Meghan that he could say was “based on racism”, Dr Shola explained: “This is part of the problem. Let me explain what racism looks like from a lens of white privilege.
“White privilege white-washes racist and inflammatory language as unconscious bias. It perpetuates the bigotry of intolerant white people as ignorant, it defends and protects their private views… and then camouflages racist behaviour as error of judgement...
“I think, if you look at a lot of the criticism she’s faced, it all comes down to one thing: how dare she, she doesn’t know her place, she’s uppity.”
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Meghan Markle and Prince Harry WPA Pool via Getty Images
She concluded: “When a black woman goes along with the flow, and does what is expected of her, it’s all OK. But the moment she exercises independent thought… she’s a problem.”


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Veganism 'A Crime Against Cheese Lovers', Says Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson has joked veganism is a “crime against cheese lovers”.
In an interview on BBC Breakfast on Tuesday morning, the prime minister said he was not taking part in Veganuary because it requires “so much concentration”.
“I take my hat off to vegans who can handle it,” he said.
Johnson said it was “absolutely true” he was trying to lose weight but had not given up meat, eggs and dairy products.
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“You can’t eat cheese, can you, if you’re a vegan? It’s just a crime against… it’s a crime against cheese lovers.”
Johnson was reported to have tried a vegan diet to get into shape during the Tory leadership campaign but had now given it up.
In 2008, Johnson rejected the idea of changing his diet as asked for by environmental campaigners.
“If they seriously believe that I am going to give up eating meat – in the hope of reducing the temperature of the planet – then they must be totally barmy,” he said.
Jeremy Corbyn, the 70-year-old outgoing Labour Party leader, has been a vegetarian since the age of 20.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Boris Johnson Hits Back At Donald Trump Over Calls To Block Huawei From UK 5G Networks

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Boris Johnson has hit back at American pressure on the UK to block Chinese firm Huawei from its 5G phone network plans, insisting the public “deserve” the best technology in the world.
In a rare public slap down for the White House, the prime minister told the BBC’s Breakfast programme that those who wanted to bar the Beijing-based telecoms giant had to show what possible alternative could work instead.
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Johnson’s government is due in coming weeks to decide on whether to go ahead with allowing Huawei to help build “non-core” infrastructure, such as masts and antennae, as part of the next-generation mobile phone network.
British intelligence, not least MI5 and GCHQ’s specialist cyber arm, has repeatedly insisted that the UK can manage any possible security risk posed by the Chinese company, which is part of the communist state.
But Donald Trump has urged other countries into barring Huawei from their systems, and on Monday the US ramped up the pressure when its officials told British counterparts in London that it would be “nothing short of madness” to grant the firm access.
PA Wire/PA Images
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Deputy national security adviser Matt Pottinger presented a new dossier claiming to highlight fresh evidence of Huawei’s security risks, just hours after MI5 chief Sir Andrew Parker said he had “no reason to think” work with the company would jeopardise intelligence-sharing with the US.
Asked about the fresh US demands, a clearly exasperated Johnson told BBC Breakfast: “I say to all those [people], the British public deserve to have access to the best possible technology. We want to put in gigabit broadband for everybody.
“Now if people oppose one brand or another then they have to tell us what’s the alternative, right?”
UK Headquarters of Huawei in Reading PA Archive/PA Images
Johnson was careful to stress that he would not jeopardise the UK’s intelligence-sharing ability with the so-called Five Eyes network of countries made up of the US, Canada, UK, Australia, and New Zealand.
“On the other hand, let’s be clear, I don’t want as UK prime minister to put in any infrastructure that is going to prejudice our national security or our ability to cooperate with Five Eyes intelligence partners,” he said.
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Huawei is one of just three companies that supply equipment to Vodafone, BT and other mobile phone companies for high-speed 5G networks. Ericsson of Sweden and Nokia from Finland are the other firms, but British phone firms say Huawei offers much better value for money.
At a briefing on Monday night, the American officials, who had flown in specially this week, would not spell out what the “relatively recent information” that they had shared with their UK counterparts was, but The Guardian reported it is understood to be of a technical nature.
As well as Pottinger, key officials in the six-strong US delegation included Chris Ford, an assistant secretary in the US state department, and Robert Blair, the special envoy for international telecoms.
Elsewhere in the BBC interview, Johnson was careful to balance his veiled criticism of the US over Huawei with fulsome support over Trump’s plan to axe the Iran nuclear deal.
He said that the current deal, struck between Barack Obama and European partners and Tehran to limit nuclear proliferation, was now seen as having “many faults”.
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“Let’s replace it with the Trump deal,” Johnson said, adding that the US president was an effective negotiator.
The PM defended his role during the tensions with Iran, after facing criticism for not returning from his Christmas Caribbean holiday immediately after the US air strike on military leader Qasem Soleimani.
“I was not in this country but I worked very hard, as you can imagine, in making sure there was a European response,” he said.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Gigi Hadid Among Potential Jurors In Harvey Weinstein Rape Trial

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Supermodel Gigi Hadid is among the potential jurors in disgraced film mogul Harvey Weinstein’s impending rape trial.
On Monday morning, Gigi – a Manhattan resident – was one of more than 100 people who made their way into a courtroom in New York, where lawyers for both Weinstein and his accusers are working to put together a jury.
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Despite saying she has met both Harvey Weinstein and actress Salma Hayek, a potential witness in the upcoming trial, Gigi assured judge James Burke that she would be able to remain impartial and “keep an open mind on the facts” were she selected for the jury.
Leaving the courthouse, she told reporters waiting outside: “I’m not allowed to talk about jury duty. I’m sorry.”
Gigi Hadid leaves court in Manhattan ASSOCIATED PRESS
Weinstein is accused of raping one woman in a Manhattan hotel room in 2013 and sexually assaulting another in 2006.
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He has pleaded not guilty, and could face life in prison if convicted of predatory sexual assault, in a trial that is expected to last until March.
The high-profile case is still in its early stages, but has still hit the headlines on multiple occasions, including when the defence requested for the judge to step aside, which was denied.
Weinstein was also reprimanded by Burke, the judge, for using his mobile phone in court.
Harvey Weinstein leaving court on Monday Scott Heins via Getty Images
As his trial in New York was getting underway a week ago, Los Angeles prosecutors announced new charges in a separate case against Weinstein, relating to one allegation of rape and another of sexual assault.
The alleged abuse is said to have taken place on two consecutive nights in 2013, shortly before he walked the Oscars red carpet with his then-wife Georgina Chapman, who was pregnant at the time.
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thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--Dalila Jakupovic Quits Australia Open Qualifier As Bushfires Choke Melbourne

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A tennis player was forced to quit her match in the Australian Open qualifiers after poor air quality caused by huge bushfires left her “scared I would collapse”.
Slovenia’s Dalila Jakupovic was leading Stefanie Vogele 6-4 5-6 at Melbourne Park on Tuesday when she slumped to her knees suffering breathing difficulties.
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Huge fires have swept across Australia in recent months, killing 28 people, making thousands homeless and scorching 27.7m acres of land – almost half the area of the UK.
Jakupovic told reporters she was fighting for breath. “I never experienced something like this and I was really scared,” the 28-year-old said.
Slovenian tennis player Dalila Jakupovic at a match in China in 2019 SIPA USA/PA Images
“I was scared that I would collapse. That’s why I went on the floor because I couldn’t walk anymore. When I was on the ground it was easier to get some air.”
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Her decision to quit the match came just hours after tournament organisers defended the decision to go ahead with the qualifiers, which were initially delayed because of the poor air.
One Melbourne resident tweeted a photo of the smoky air in the city on Tuesday, writing: “I can see the #AusOpen from my office window.
“It’s hard to believe that players are even attempting to compete in these conditions.”
I can see the #AusOpen from my office window. It's hard to believe that players are even attempting to compete in these conditions. #melbournesmoke pic.twitter.com/nbzP61VZik — Kathy Mak (@KathyMaky) January 14, 2020
Visibility is horrible and you can taste the smoke in the air in Melbourne. A global ranking website rated us as having the second worst air quality in the world at one point overnight. @abcmelbourne @abcnews @BreakfastNews pic.twitter.com/VAJpgogDta — Stephanie Ferrier (@FerrierSteph) January 13, 2020
A warmup match between former world number one Maria Sharapova and Germany’s Laura Siegemund at the Kooyong Classic in Melbourne was also abandoned on Tuesday after both players complained about the air.
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Five-times Grand Slam champion Sharapova said she felt a cough coming on in the second set.
“After two and a half hours that was the right call for me. I think both of us felt it,” she told reporters.
The pollution prompted warnings from Victoria state’s environment watchdog for people to stay indoors, bring pets inside and shut windows.
Meanwhile, a horse-racing event was cancelled and construction workers downed tools for the day. However, governing body Tennis Australia said early on Tuesday that “conditions onsite [were] improving” at Melbourne Park.
Authorities expect the smoke to linger until Wednesday, when afternoon showers are forecast.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--The World’s Oceans Were The Hottest In Recorded History In 2019

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The planet’s oceans were the warmest in recorded history in 2019, according to a new analysis published Monday.
An international team of researchers analysed temperature data from sources around the globe and issued a dramatic warning that climate change is already deeply affecting what’s seen as the storage facility for any excess heat generated by a warming world. Hotter oceans are threatening marine biodiversity and the planet’s fisheries. They’re melting land and sea ice at a breakneck pace and fueling more severe storms and flooding.
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“It is critical to understand how fast things are changing,” John Abraham, a professor at the University of St. Thomas and a co-author of the paper, said in a news release Monday. “The key to answering this question is in the oceans — that’s where the vast majority of heat ends up. If you want to understand global warming, you have to measure ocean warming.”
The study was published in the journal Advances in Atmospheric Sciences.
The news follows a string of troubling environmental news: Last week, European researchers said 2019 was the second-hottest year on record, and the 2010s had officially become the hottest decade ever recorded. And in September, the United Nations’ climate change body found that the planet’s oceans and ice sheets were changing in “unprecedented” and shocking ways that could soon affect hundreds of millions of people living in low-lying or coastal areas.
The latest research relies heavily on a state-of-the-art network of more than 3,800 floats that measure sea temperatures, a project known as Argo. The devices are deployed around the globe.
This photo provided by NOAA Corps shows an Argo float being deployed to capture ocean temperature data. Lt. Elizabeth Crapo/National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration via Associated Press
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Michael Mann, a professor at Penn State University and another author of the study, told The Guardian the data didn’t just measure 2019 as the hottest year but also found the “largest single-year increase” in ocean temperatures in the entire decade. Mann called the finding a “sobering reminder that human-caused heating of our planet continues unabated.”
The oceans are one of the largest bellwethers of climate change: More than 90% of the planet’s excess heat trapped in the atmosphere by greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions is absorbed by them.
“The ocean heating is irrefutable, and a key measure of the Earth’s energy imbalance: the excess GHGs in the air trap more heat inside the climate system and drives global warming,” the authors wrote. “More than 90% of the heat accumulates in the ocean because of its large heat capacity, and the remaining heating manifests as atmospheric warming, a drying and warming landmass, and melting of land and sea ice.”
The paper notes that warmer waters “significantly affect sea life,” particular the planet’s coral reefs and temperature-sensitive organisms.
Coral reefs, in particular, have been hit hard by warming ocean temperatures. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef was devastated by a series of back-to-back mass bleaching events that left large swaths of the structure dying or dead. Researchers said at the time the reef was effectively cooked by hot water.
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Researchers and activists have called on world leaders to address the climate crisis in recent years, and UN Secretary-General António Guterres said at the body’s climate summit last month that the planet was at a “critical juncture” to limit greenhouse gas emissions. But the 2019 meeting was largely a failure, and no new deals to avert catastrophe were adopted.
The authors of the ocean temperature study note that, even should the world dramatically scale back the burning of fossil fuels in order to keep the planet from warming more than 2 degrees Celsius — the level at which scientists say we must stay beneath to avoid catastrophic consequences — the oceans will likely keep changing.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--These Are Some Of The Australian Animals Hit Hardest By Wildfires

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The wildfires in Australia have burned through more than 38,000 square miles, killing hundreds of millions of animals in the path of the blazes and devastating significant swaths of crucial habitat for the survivors.
Numerous animals in the hardest-hit states of New South Wales, Victoria and South Australia face real threats to extinction as they struggle to recover from the destructive fires.
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The federal government has committed $50 million to a wildlife recovery fund. Treasurer Josh Frydenberg announced half this sum would go to wildlife rescues, hospitals and conservation groups, and the other $25 million would go to an emergency intervention fund advised by a panel of experts.
Ecology expert Chris Dickman from the University of Sydney conservatively estimates more than 1 billion animals may have perished across the country, based on mammal, bird and reptile population density estimates multiplied by the area burned.
According to a draft of the Victorian state government’s bushfire biodiversity response plan obtained by HuffPost, the blazes in the state had burned through “mostly high biodiversity value areas.” The report listed 54 species for immediate concern based on the extent of habitat burned, with numerous species having lost more than 40% of their habitat and some projected to lose more than 70%. Among the 54 species are 13 amphibians, 2 bats, 8 mammals, 11 birds, 7 reptiles and 13 aquatic fauna.
A spokesperson for the NSW National Parks and Wildlife Service said an emergency recovery plan to protect and restore wildlife populations in the state is being developed.
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“On-ground interventions to protect threatened species and remaining habitat will need to include provision of food, water and shelter as well as pest and weed control,” she said.
Here’s a snapshot of the species facing serious threat from the fires.
Brush-tailed rock-wallaby
A brush-tailed rock-wallaby enjoys a carrot after thousands of pounds of vegetables were airdropped across New South Wales after the bushfires. New South Wales government
The brush-tailed rock-wallaby was already listed as endangered prior to the bushfires. Mark Eldridge, the principal research scientist at the Australian Museum Research Institute, has been studying the species for more than three decades. He said many of the remaining wallaby colonies had been burned by the “unprecedented large and hot fires.”
“The fires have killed some individuals but others have survived as they were able to shelter in their rocky crevices. However, the survivors now face an extremely difficult time as the fire has removed all or most of their food so they face starvation, and with most plant cover gone they are now very exposed to predators ... which are often attracted to burnt areas.”
He said that, although he does not usually favour intervention, these were “desperate times,” nodding to the New South Wales government’s current aerial food drops of carrots and sweet potatoes for hungry animals.
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“The species has certainly taken a hit and will continue to suffer. Once we know more about the impact, we will be able to see if their conservation status needs to be reassessed.”
He said there was an urgent need to step up control of non-native predators and herbivores in fire-affected areas to give survivors a chance to recover.
Kangaroo Island dunnart
Kangaroo Island dunnart South Australian government
The Kangaroo Island dunnart is listed as critically endangered by the International Union for Conservation of Nature. Rosie Hohnen, an ecologist at Charles Darwin University who researches the species, said that the fires have burned “all sites that they have been detected at since 1990, so effectively its entire range.”
“Given it was previously considered critically endangered and that it will be very difficult for individuals to survive in burnt areas, it’s clear the species is in real peril, on the very edge of extinction,” Hohnen said.
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Attempts to recover the species will involve surveying unburned habitat, controlling predators in those areas and fencing off the predator-free areas.
Koala
Purkunas the koala at Taronga Zoo's Wildlife Hospital in Sydney. The zoo has received a $1 million boost in the wake of the fires to continue its conservation efforts. Jenny Evans via Getty Images
Koalas have been hit hard in some of their populations, such as near Port Macquarie, New South Wales, where populations of several hundreds have been reduced to very few, said Mathew Crowther, a University of Sydney expert in wildlife ecology. However, a lot of koala habitat does still remain unaffected by the bushfires, he said.
Federal environment minister Sussan Ley said that up to 30% of their habitat in New South Wales had been destroyed and that the fires might move the koala from its “vulnerable” classification to “endangered.”
Southern corroboree frog
Taronga Zoo is attempting to save the southern corroboree frog from destruction due to climate change, habitat loss and deadly introduced species. TORSTEN BLACKWOOD via Getty Images
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Experts are gravely concerned about the critically endangered southern corroboree frog. The species already faced a grim future due to disease, and climate change has affected its alpine environment in the Kosciuzko National Park, Zoos Victoria says on its site. A mega-blaze comprised of three fires has moved through this region, leaving experts unclear on the frogs’ fate. However, conservation groups have “insurance” populations of captive-bred frogs on site.
Regent honeyeater
With the population of regent honeyeaters plummeting, Australian officials have turned to captive breeding in the hopes of saving the endangered bird from extinction. ASSOCIATED PRESS
This critically endangered songbird has lost important breeding habitat, especially in its Capertee Valley stronghold. According to Ross Crates, the lead researcher for the species at Australian National University, at least 20% of its known breeding habitat had been lost. “Probably at least 60% of the areas where they may disperse through to spend the winter has been burnt,” he said.
A plan to release captive-bred regent honeyeaters last year has been rescheduled for spring due to the wildfires, however, surveying of burned sites will need to take place to see if this plan is still viable.
Spotted-tail quoll
The spotted-tail quoll is endemic to eastern Australia and has suffered substantial decline since European settlement in Australia. Heath Holden via Getty Images
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The spotted-tail quoll was endangered even before the fires and suffered losses to feral predators and habitat destruction from changing fire patterns, land clearing and logging. The fires destroyed key habitat in areas including the Tallaganda National Park, a biodiversity stronghold, which urgently needs rain to regenerate.
Long-footed potoroo
Long-footed potoroos are a forest-dwelling rat-kangaroo found in New South Wales and Victoria. GARY LEWIS via Getty Images
The long-footed potoroo, found in Victoria’s fire-ravaged East Gippsland region and in southeastern New South Wales, is a forest-dwelling mini kangaroo that feeds almost exclusively on a type of fungi. The animal is likely to have sustained serious loss of food and habitat, and it will be vulnerable and exposed to predators.
Glossy black cockatoo
A rare, wild glossy black cockatoo (Calyptorhynchus lathami lathami) in flight in New South Wales. Kristian Bell via Getty Images
Kangaroo Island’s unique subspecies of glossy black cockatoo was, until recently, a success story for Australia’s conservation. Daniella Teixeira, a conservation biologist at the University of Queensland, said that, although it was not yet safe for staff to get on the ground to make assessments, as much as 60% of the habitat may have been lost.
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“With a population of fewer than 400 birds before this crisis, this loss of habitat will be a major setback to the long-running conservation efforts for this unique bird,” she said.
She said the devastating losses may even put the bird back on the “critically endangered” list. However, her team would work hard to recover the species.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--These Are The Most Common Issues People Discuss In Therapy

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It’s an increasingly challenging time to thrive in the world, and therapists hear it all.
They listen to the most personal internal conflicts, and they also counsel clients on broader, more common issues, like political anxiety, that plague a ton of people. Especially in this era, when global problems seem to weigh heavily on all of us personally, it’s sometimes important to remember that we’re not alone.
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Below, therapists, psychologists and counsellors tell HuffPost what their patients were struggling with most in 2019. Did you feel it, too?
Comparing your life to someone else’s on social media
“The most common thing people brought up this year was a fear of not being who they think they are supposed to be, and the imposter syndrome. Because people are so used to seeing ‘the success of others’ on social media, they perceive others to be the real deal and question their own skills. It really revolves around our feeling of inadequacy; social media has made comparison and contrast the new norm.” ― Karla Ivankovich, clinical counsellor at North Shore Counseling in Northbrook, Illinois
“This year, many of my clients were dealing with impostor syndrome and perfectionism. I think a huge factor in why these concerns are predominating in people’s lives is the amount of exposure we have to everyone’s ‘highlight reel’ through social media and the web. By highlight reel, I mean the peak moments with none of the difficulties or failures shown. Impostor syndrome and perfectionism come up a lot for people who are high-functioning and were used to being at the top of their class or group but now find themselves not measuring up to what they see online.” ― Heidi Cox, licensed clinical psychologist in New York City
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Dealing with online dating
“Relational dynamics have shifted in the wake of online dating. The ubiquity of matches creates a consumer mentality and leads people to experience dissatisfaction with their options. This is a demonstration of the psychological process called ‘over choice.’ The more choices we have, the more difficult it is to choose and the less satisfied we are with our decisions.
“Ghosting is rampant, as well, and it often leads people to feel rejected and disappointed even when they haven’t done anything wrong. Often clients personalise when someone doesn’t reply even in instances where it has nothing to do with them.” ― Brooke Sprowl, clinical director and owner of My LA Therapy in Los Angeles
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Setting boundaries in relationships
“The most common issue clients have brought into our sessions this year has been difficulty maintaining and enforcing boundaries in their relationships. Relationships with others require balance between your needs and theirs; however, poor boundaries and care taking are the comfortable norm, so it takes a while to develop a healthy equilibrium that ensures respect and love.” ― Averry Cox, therapist based in Seattle
“Often, I saw clients having difficulty saying no to other people. They tell me that they don’t want family or friends disappointed in them, even if it’s at the expense of their energy. I see this as a struggle because they’ve walked on eggshells for most of their life in order to please those nearest to them, and aren’t sure how to assert themselves. So, assertiveness training has been helpful as a good starting point.” ― Jacob Kountz, associate marriage and family therapist at Kern Wellness Counseling in Bakersfield, California
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Living with symptoms caused by work burnout
“Anxiety, worry, stress and insomnia around work is one of the most frequent difficulties I hear. People are struggling with pressure around work success and its impact on self-worth, as well as balancing work with relationships and self-care. Work has really become the end all, be all for us, consuming so much of our time and identity that there is little room for much else. This creates a context in which the ups and downs of work are deeply impactful on emotions and self-esteem.” ― Rebekah Montgomery, clinical psychologist in private practice in Washington, D.C.
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Issues with sex and pleasure
“I saw more men coming in to discuss their decreased sexual desire and open up about the stress, emotional challenges and vulnerable parts of their emotional worlds and how it pertains to their sexual interest and performance. We are slowly creating more space which allows men to feel more comfortable opening up about parts of themselves that don’t fall within that more traditionally narrow idea of masculinity.
“On the flip side, I also saw more women hoping to increase their desire and sexual pleasure. Instead of wondering, ‘What’s wrong with my low libido?’ they wanted to maximise their sexual pleasure. An increased attention on the ‘orgasm gap’ has helped move women’s sexual pleasure from the background to the forefront.” ― Sarah Hunter Murray, therapist and author of “Not Always in the Mood”
Experiencing loss or uncertainty in some capacity
“One of the biggest diagnoses were adjustment disorders. In the past, major causes for this have been issues such as divorce, death of a family member and loss of job. However, the cause has somewhat shifted. Many people are now having trouble adjusting due to the cultural changes within our society, which has caused feelings of instability, and political issues both domestic and worldwide, which has brought about feelings of uncertainty in regards to the future.” ― Christopher Ryan Jones, clinical psychologist and sex therapist serving clients nationwide
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Managing fear of mass shootings or other violent trauma
“Many people came to therapy because they struggled with current events and handling how to process what’s happening in the world ― from shootings to politics. Also, many people came to therapy realising they were suffering from PTSD watching the news or not dealing with past traumas. There was a fear of ending up on social media and feeling embarrassed, fear of dying or getting hurt due to the mass shootings. And social anxiety of acceptance among others is at an all-time high.” ― Patrice N. Douglas, owner of Empire Counseling & Consultation in New York, California and Texas
Gender dynamics in relationships
“Another common presenting problem this year is this: heterosexual couples in which the wife is out-earning or outperforming the husband [at work]. There is nothing inherently problematic or wrong about this situation, but because it challenges the heteronormative script, it can trigger feelings of shame in the husband and resentment in the wife.” ― Alexandra Solomon, clinical psychologist and author of “Taking Sexy Back”
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Dealing with triggering reports about sexual assault
“With the Brett Kavanaugh hearings at the end of last year and the release of ‘Surviving R. Kelley’ at the beginning of this year, many of my patients with sexual abuse and sexual assault histories found themselves triggered. When conversations about sexual assault become part of the public discourse, it’s harder to turn the switch on and off.” ― Heather Z. Lyons, licensed psychologist and owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group
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Anxiety over being in public spaces
“Among the most common presenting struggles we have seen this year is anxiety. However, this year has been unique in that we are seeing anxiety around school safety and gun safety much more frequently. Anxiety disorders such as generalised anxiety disorder and [obsessive-compulsive disorder] have involved intrusive thoughts and worries about these issues, as undoubtedly influenced by the increased occurrence of and awareness of mass shooting, including those that have taken place in schools and in other public places.” ― Marla W. Deibler, licensed clinical psychologist and executive director at The Center for Emotional Health of Greater Philadelphia
Navigating anxiety and depression at the same time
“Unfortunately, the trend in skyrocketing anxiety and depression rates appears to continue. Most of the clients I see struggle with either of these two issues, and many times both.
The research is beginning to show that depression may be caused by inflammation of the brain, and studies are linking anxiety, depression and pain together in brain structures. This means that depression and anxiety may not be distinct disorders but two sides of the same inflamed coin. Research shows that disconnection from three key aspects of our lives drives anxiety and depression: ourselves, others and nature. Reconnecting to these three aspects is, I think, the best way to decrease stress and increase wellbeing.” ― Liz Shuler, licensed professional counselor at Inner Evolution Counseling, an online service


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--These Were The Most Popular Baby Names In 1920

Baby names don’t typically experience dramatic dips and surges in popularity from one year to the next. But over time, there are interesting trends.
Some fall off the map for good, while others decline only to make a comeback. And of course, there are the classics that remain popular to this day. HuffPost took a look at the Social Security Administration’s baby name database in the US to see which names have tanked over time and which ones have staying power... like 100 years of staying power.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--The Best Destinations For Winter Sun If You're Inspired By Love Island

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Love Island is back on our screens for the next six weeks, and if you’re anything like us, it’s probably left you itching to book a holiday. Because let’s be honest, wet and windy January weather is not the one.
To inspire your winter break, we’ve rounded up a handful of hotspots that fit the bill. And remember: finding the hotter climates often involves a long-haul flight, so factor that in when booking time off work (or thinking about your carbon footprint).
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Prepare yourself for a sunny few days of R&R this winter.
Anguilla
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Trade the grey weather in the UK for sandy beaches and tropical climates in Eastern Caribbean island, Anguilla, which boasts temperatures between 25 to 30 degrees throughout the winter season.
Head to Prickly Pear Cays for some of the region’s best snorkelling and diving spots, before grabbing a bite to eat in Caribbean restaurant Veya, a popular place decorated with waterfalls and a koi pond. Don’t forget to pay a visit to Bankie Banx’s Dune Preserve and catch live music with a drink in hand, among old boats which have been turned into a giant tree house on the beach.
You can’t fly directly from the UK to Anguilla – instead you’ll need to go to Antigua, then take a local transfer by a small charter plane. Or, you can fly to Saint Martin in the Caribbean, and get a boat ride to Anguilla. Flights are pricey – expect to pay upwards of £550 – so we’d recommend shopping around for the best deals on sites like Expedia, Skyscanner and Kayak.
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Fez
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If you want warm weather that isn’t uncomfortably hot, head to Fez in Morocco, which sees temperatures of 20 degrees and upwards in winter.
Make sure you visit the Chouara Tannery, where leather goods are made and coloured using pits full of dye, then sold in the market place. It can be quite difficult to find places selling alcohol, but there are a few dotted around. Sip on cocktails in L’Alcaza, situated in the courtyard of the Riad Fès hotel, and enjoy views of the pool and live music from the oud (stringed instrument) players. Wander round the Fez Medina, one of the largest car-free areas in the world, which features winding streets, historic monuments and beautiful mosques.
There are twice weekly flights from London Gatwick to Fez with Air Arabia, and you can bag a bargain in its January sale, which is currently offering return tickets for £79. It’s also perfect if you’re attempting dry January as it’s a dry airline, with not a drop of alcohol in sight. Book a flight with them here.
Singapore
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If you’re looking for scorching summer temperatures, Singapore is your best bet, which is often upwards of 30 degrees in January.
With a tropical climate and the hustle and bustle of a busy city, there’s no shortage of things to do. Feeling fancy? Spend a night at the iconic Marina Bay Sands Hotel – its rooftop infinity pool is a showstopper. For a chilled day out, visit Gardens By The Bay, a beautiful destination offering spectacular scenes as you walk through foliage, with flora conservatories and waterfront gardens to lap up. And if you’re a fan of felines, pay a visit to St John’s Island, which has a sandy beach with cats wandering around.
Plus, if you book early enough, you can find flights from Manchester direct to Singapore for £430 return with Etihad. From London, you’re looking at paying £400 minimum.
Mexico
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In Mexico, January falls in the middle of its dry season, so temperatures average 23 degrees – hot, but not unbearable. There are breathtaking views to take in at the Cenote Zaci in Valladolid, which is in the eastern part of the country. The natural pool is surrounded by lush greenery and jasmine trees (just look at that picture).
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Or, take a catamaran adventure to Isla Mujeres, near Cancun, where you can snorkel and sightsee the coral reefs. And don’t forget to head to Chichén Itzá, a huge step pyramid, to see the impressive architecture of the Mayan ruins.
Flights to Mexico City from London Heathrow will cost you approximately £500 for a return flight, but we’d recommend keeping an eye on changing prices with Skyscanner to get the best deal.
Costa Rica
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With average temperatures in Costa Rica reaching 27 degrees in January, sun-seekers will be most definitely satisfied with the weather.
There’s a mix of pristine beaches and wildlife-filled rainforests to soak up, as well as plenty of activities to keep you busy while you’re there. Head to Monteverde Cloud Forest for an adrenaline-filled walk across eight of its suspended bridges – and get a bird’s eye view of the forest below. There are zip lines too, for those who are brave enough.
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If you’re a keen explorer, the Manuel Antonio National Park is a great spot, where you can explore the sandy beaches and walk the trails to see monkeys, sloths and iguanas.
Flights to Costa Rica with British Airways from London in January will cost you £538, although you can find slightly cheaper tickets in February – so you won’t miss a single episode of Love Island while getting your winter sun fix.


thehuffingtonpostuk--2020-01-14--My Phone Made Me Sick While I Was Pregnant. It Was The Healthiest Thing That Ever Happened To Me

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The first time I was pregnant, the smell of coffee – my coffee, your coffee, the coffee someone drank miles away – made me feel violently sick. The second time, the mere thought of an avocado was enough to send me running to the toilet. When my third pregnancy began, though, tastes and odors left me alone, as if to say, She’s about to have three under five, isn’t that challenge enough? I felt triumphant, sitting around with my lattes and sides of guac. I had beaten aversions, I thought. This time around, I wouldn’t have to change a thing.
Then one day, six weeks in, I picked up my phone. My stomach lurched and boiled.
I chalked it up to a fluke and spent the rest of the day in denial. Twitter made me nauseous – not the usual existential sort, I’m talking physical nausea. Instagram’s brightly-colored feed brought up my bile. I tried to answer some work emails – had the white background of the Gmail app always been this harsh?– and had to take a break, several times, to close my eyes and breathe away the threat of vomit. Just a weird day! I told myself. Probably the pizza I had for breakfast, or lunch, or second lunch. See – if I look at my phone through my fingers, I’m fine! Totally doable.
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But then there were several weird days in a row, and I had to put down my phone. For the first time in a decade, I went hours and hours without it. I became virtually inactive on social media, logging into Facebook so infrequently I got deactivated from my moms’ group. I only answered texts twice a day – once around lunchtime, and once before bed – and I did it with a ginger ale by my side and zero superfluous banter. Emails waited even longer, sometimes for days on end. I didn’t even check them on my phone; I could only stand them on my laptop.
“What if one of my friends noticed that I hadn’t liked their baby’s first birthday pic? What if all my colleagues were talking about my new sloth-like email response rate?”
I spent the first few days of this arrangement in a constant, low-level panic. At first, I misdiagnosed it as FOMO – fear of missing out. But what I felt when I visited my phone twice a day on the nightstand charger wasn’t FOMO; it was something more egocentric. I felt guilty that I wasn’t available, that I was letting correspondence pile up and that no one, since I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant yet, would know why. What if one of my friends noticed that I hadn’t liked their baby’s first birthday pic? What if all my colleagues were talking about my new sloth-like email response rate? Didn’t the news need me to analyse it? Would the world get by without my hot takes?
I braced myself for the inevitable fallout: People would assume I was mad at them, then get mad at me for being mad at them. They’d find each other, all the poor ignored contacts from various parts of my life, band together and decide I was an asshole.
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Something had to be done. As soon as I crossed the twelve-week mark, I told my whole extended family I was pregnant. I didn’t wait for the perfect moment – we were, in fact, on vacation, and in the midst of trying to get several existing kids to bed. The other two times I’d made this announcement, I’d been dying to stop keeping the secret. This time, I rushed directly to an explanation of my poor manners.
“I’ve had an aversion to my phone,” I said. “Being on my phone made me sick. That’s why I’ve been so shady with texting and stuff! I can’t imagine what you guys thought.”
They all looked at me blankly. Including my mother. No one had noticed a thing.
HuffPost UK Courtesy of the author
Phonesickness wasn’t the only thing I was suffering from, it turned out. I’d also been gripped by delusions. As I continued on my “I’m having a baby/sorry I’ve been out of touch” world tour, the consensus grew. No one knew or cared that I had taken longer to get back to them.
Once I made peace with that humbling fact, I was almost sad to see phonesickness go. The day I picked up my phone and scrolled Instagram with a perfectly calm gut, I vowed to stick to the practices I’d picked up under duress – putting my phone away at night, reading more, not letting digital conversations interrupt the ones unfolding in front of me. All the nights I was sick, I felt like my parents in the Nineties, letting our landline phone ring during dinner. Nothing was so important it couldn’t wait ’til the plates were cleared. I liked that feeling.
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So I got rid of my phone altogether.
I’m kidding! I wish I were that strong. I, of course, slunk right back to my screen-obsessed ways. But after an initial gorging return to Instagram and group texts and Gmail, I realised there was a way to maintain mental peace without getting offline. I didn’t have to give up my phone – just my sense of self-importance.
“I really, truly, let emails sit if they’re not urgent; I am a grown woman, after all, and not the world’s admin assistant”
These days, my phone is by my side again, like a loyal little terrier. But I’ve filed down my Pavlovian reaction to its demands. Sometimes that means having to physically keep myself away from it – I’ll leave it in the other room, on purpose, and I keep it on silent all day. (Try it! A grunty little buzz isn’t half as tempting as all those twinkling chimes.) I really, truly, let emails sit if they’re not urgent; I am a grown woman, after all, and not the world’s admin assistant. And I choose the times that I write back to texts based on my own convenience, not some all-consuming fear that I am keeping someone else waiting.
It took severe physical revulsion for me to develop better digital health. But we shouldn’t have to be sick to let ourselves to be sick of our phones. And to me, 2020 – a brand new year, a brand new decade, a reminder that devices have been part of our lives a long time now – feels like the perfect time to reexamine our habits.
I’ll be here doing just that. If you need me, reach out, but be prepared for some out-of-office vibes. I’ll have limited access to my phone, because I’m limiting its access to me. There may be a delay in my response. For this, I do not apologise.
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Megan Angelo is a journalist and author. Her first novel, Followers, is available now