mercurynews--2020-04-04--Horoscopes April 4, 2020: Robert Downey Jr., don’t forget to have some fun.

Happy Birthday : Don ’ t forget to have some fun .
Taking the time to rejuvenate will pump up your enthusiasm and spark your imagination .
Greater creativity , stamina and courage will lead to success and happiness .
Aggressive behavior and a competitive attitude will help you achieve your goals .
Make healthy decisions , fitness and meaningful relationships your priorities .
Get back to basics , and live in the moment .
Your numbers are 5 , 12 , 18 , 23 , 27 , 35 , 44 .
ARIES ( March 21-April 19 ) : Focus @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your life to suit your needs .
Make physical improvements that will make you feel good about the way you look and what you have to offer .
Romance and social affairs will enhance your life .
5 stars TAURUS ( April 20-May 20 ) : Clear the air .
Say what ’ s on your mind .
Make plans to move forward and to walk away from disruptive situations that are holding you back .
Anger isn ’ t the answer ; taking action is the best way to alleviate what isn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 2 stars GEMINI ( May 21-June 20 ) : Take care of business on your own .
If you rely on someone , you will end up being disappointed .
Focus on truth , facts and what you know you can achieve all by yourself .
Learn from mistakes , and move forward .
4 stars CANCER ( June 21-July 22 ) : Taking on too much will be as detrimental as not taking on enough .
Consider what you are up against , and use your intuition to guide you .
Don @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Do your due diligence , and leap forward .
3 stars LEO ( July 23-Aug. 22 ) : Take a moment to breathe .
Don ’ t put pressure on others or expect too much .
Be fully prepared to do whatever is necessary to reach your goal .
Your strength is in your courage and confidence to do what ’ s right .
3 stars VIRGO ( Aug. 23-Sept. 22 ) : Don ’ t let a last-minute change disrupt your plans .
Make the necessary adjustments , and keep moving forward @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and will help you find a better position .
Networking will be in your best interest and result in excellent opportunities .
3 stars LIBRA ( Sept. 23-Oct. 22 ) : Don ’ t give in to someone who is overreacting .
Concentrate on what you can accomplish and the improvements you can make that will lead to personal growth as well as gaining valuable skills and knowledge .
A makeover will lead to compliments and confidence .
3 stars SCORPIO ( Oct. 23-Nov. 21 ) : Work on creative , fulfilling pursuits @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you give yourself time to explore your potential and flesh out ideas that can lead to significant accomplishments .
Don ’ t let anyone make you feel guilty for following your heart .
4 stars SAGITTARIUS ( Nov. 22-Dec. 21 ) : You ’ ll attract individuals who confuse you or lead you astray .
Be selective , or you may find yourself involved with someone who has ulterior motives .
Listen and observe before you decide to get involved in a joint venture .
Domestic improvements are favored .
5 stars CAPRICORN @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can handle more than you think .
Don ’ t rely on others .
Adjustments you want to make to your living space will be frustrating and complicated if you let others interfere .
Do what will make the most sense to you .
3 stars AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18 ) : Live up to your reputation when it comes to integrity and upholding the standards that help maintain peace and harmony .
Put in your two cents , and offer solutions .
Take a position of leadership .
Your popularity will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ PISCES ( Feb. 19-March 20 ) : Consider your options , and use what you ’ ve accomplished in the past as a springboard to reach new goals .
Take an active part in what is going on around you , and you will establish advantageous connections .
3 stars Birthday Baby : You are persistent , open-minded and opportunistic .
You are precise and competitive .

CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS DAY: Robert Downey Jr., 55; David Cross, 56; Christine Lahti, 70; Craig T. Nelson, 76.
Happy Birthday: Don’t forget to have some fun. Taking the time to rejuvenate will pump up your enthusiasm and spark your imagination. Greater creativity, stamina and courage will lead to success and happiness. Aggressive behavior and a competitive attitude will help you achieve your goals. Make healthy decisions, fitness and meaningful relationships your priorities. Get back to basics, and live in the moment. Your numbers are 5, 12, 18, 23, 27, 35, 44.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Focus on yourself for a change. Alter your life to suit your needs. Make physical improvements that will make you feel good about the way you look and what you have to offer. Romance and social affairs will enhance your life. 5 stars
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Clear the air. Say what’s on your mind. Make plans to move forward and to walk away from disruptive situations that are holding you back. Anger isn’t the answer; taking action is the best way to alleviate what isn’t working for you anymore. 2 stars
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take care of business on your own. If you rely on someone, you will end up being disappointed. Focus on truth, facts and what you know you can achieve all by yourself. Learn from mistakes, and move forward. 4 stars
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Taking on too much will be as detrimental as not taking on enough. Consider what you are up against, and use your intuition to guide you. Don’t be afraid of change. Do your due diligence, and leap forward. 3 stars
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Take a moment to breathe. Don’t put pressure on others or expect too much. Be fully prepared to do whatever is necessary to reach your goal. Your strength is in your courage and confidence to do what’s right. 3 stars
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t let a last-minute change disrupt your plans. Make the necessary adjustments, and keep moving forward. Flexibility will be your best asset and will help you find a better position. Networking will be in your best interest and result in excellent opportunities. 3 stars
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t give in to someone who is overreacting. Concentrate on what you can accomplish and the improvements you can make that will lead to personal growth as well as gaining valuable skills and knowledge. A makeover will lead to compliments and confidence. 3 stars
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Work on creative, fulfilling pursuits. You will gain the most if you give yourself time to explore your potential and flesh out ideas that can lead to significant accomplishments. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for following your heart. 4 stars
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You’ll attract individuals who confuse you or lead you astray. Be selective, or you may find yourself involved with someone who has ulterior motives. Listen and observe before you decide to get involved in a joint venture. Domestic improvements are favored. 5 stars
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can handle more than you think. Don’t rely on others. Adjustments you want to make to your living space will be frustrating and complicated if you let others interfere. Do what will make the most sense to you. 3 stars
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Live up to your reputation when it comes to integrity and upholding the standards that help maintain peace and harmony. Put in your two cents, and offer solutions. Take a position of leadership. Your popularity will grow if you participate. 3 stars
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Consider your options, and use what you’ve accomplished in the past as a springboard to reach new goals. Take an active part in what is going on around you, and you will establish advantageous connections. 3 stars
Birthday Baby: You are persistent, open-minded and opportunistic. You are precise and competitive.
Visit Eugenialast.com, or join Eugenia on Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn.


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Bridge: April 4, 2020

Bridge: April 4, 2020

“ Simple Saturday ” columns are meant to help aspiring players improve technique and logical thinking .
Many learning players like finesses .
They accept a winning finesse as their due and regard a losing one as an injustice .
A new player asked me a question that betrayed her enthusiasm for finesses : “ When I have more than one finesse , which one do I try first ?
” I answered thus : “ Take the one that will still give you a chance if it fails.
” At today ’ s slam , South ruffs the first @ @ @ @ @ @ @ king , dummy ’ s only fast entry .
Should he finesse in trumps or in clubs next ?
If South leads the jack of trumps , losing , he can ’ t get back for a club finesse .
Even if he leads a low trump to his queen , West can play low effectively .
At Trick Three , South must let the nine of clubs ride .
If it wins , he can safely lead a trump to his queen next .
If the nine of clubs lost , South @ @ @ @ @ @ @ entry to finesse in trumps .
You hold : S 8 4 2 H 5 D A 9 8 6 3 C Q 8 7 5 .
The dealer , at your left , opens one club .
Your partner doubles , you bid one diamond and he bids one spade .
What do you say ?
ANSWER : If partner had a 13-point hand with spades , he would have overcalled one spade at his first turn .
His actual sequence promises at least 17 points .
If you held Q 4 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 6 4 , 9 8 7 5 , you might raise to three spades .
As it is , your queen of clubs is probably wasted .
Pass .

“Simple Saturday” columns are meant to help aspiring players improve technique and logical thinking.
Many learning players like finesses. They accept a winning finesse as their due and regard a losing one as an injustice. A new player asked me a question that betrayed her enthusiasm for finesses: “When I have more than one finesse, which one do I try first?”
I answered thus: “Take the one that will still give you a chance if it fails.”
At today’s slam, South ruffs the first diamond and leads a spade to the king, dummy’s only fast entry. Should he finesse in trumps or in clubs next?
LOSING
If South leads the jack of trumps, losing, he can’t get back for a club finesse. Even if he leads a low trump to his queen, West can play low effectively.
At Trick Three, South must let the nine of clubs ride. If it wins, he can safely lead a trump to his queen next. If the nine of clubs lost, South could use the jack as a dummy entry to finesse in trumps.
DAILY QUESTION
You hold: S 8 4 2 H 5 D A 9 8 6 3 C Q 8 7 5. The dealer, at your left, opens one club. Your partner doubles, you bid one diamond and he bids one spade. What do you say?
ANSWER: If partner had a 13-point hand with spades, he would have overcalled one spade at his first turn. His actual sequence promises at least 17 points. If you held Q 4 2, 5, A 9 8 6 4, 9 8 7 5, you might raise to three spades. As it is, your queen of clubs is probably wasted. Pass.
South dealer
N-S vulnerable
NORTH
S K 10 5
H J 3 2
D K 5 4 2
C J 9 2
WEST
S 9 7 6 3
H K 7 6
D Q J 10 7
C 6 3
EAST
S 8 4 2
H 5
D A 9 8 6 3
C Q 8 7 5
SOUTH
S A Q J
H A Q 10 9 8 4
D None
C A K 10 4
South West North East
2 C Pass 2 NT Pass
3 H Pass 4 H Pass
6 H All Pass
Opening lead — D Q
(C)2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Ask Amy: Being stuck with this bragging woman makes me furious

DEAR AMY : My husband and I have been married for almost seven years .
He has seven sisters ( he is the only male in the family ) .
He has one sister who always has to be the center of attention at family gatherings .
It ’ s so damn annoying !
She always has to bring up the expensive family trips she has planned for the summer , and is always bragging about how good she has it , as if to say , “ Don ’ t you wish your husband was rich like mine ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ tell her to shut up !
If I sit down with one of his other sisters , she butts right into our conversation because she ’ s “ assuming ” that I ’ m talking smack about her .
I go to these gatherings for the sake of my husband and in order for our son to spend time with his cousins .
• Ask Amy : Someone left a catty note for my parents • Ask Amy : I want her to be a vegan , but she won ’ t take @ @ @ @ @ @ @ men need to know I stick to my own kind • Ask Amy : After my brother ’ s response to sick baby , I ’ m thinking he ’ s a jerk • Ask Amy : How the coronavirus pandemic looked two weeks ago Should I just sit in a corner and not talk to anyone , so I won ’ t get bitten by the “ poisonous serpent ” ?
DEAR CONFUSED : If your sister-in-law acts like a spoiled teenager , then perhaps you should treat her like one .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ I am the grown-up .
Sometimes , reacting at all is just feeding the serpent .
You should practice behaving in a way that comes off as mature , detached , and overall neutral .
Be aware that your body language can betray tension , and so try not to clench when you encounter her .
In a family as large as this one , it should be fairly easy to avoid your sister-in-law .
You should strive to engage in positive conversations with your other relatives at these gatherings .
Never gossip @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even if they invite you to trash her , the rules of sisterhood dictate that they can criticize her , but you can not .
DEAR AMY : Our ostentatious friend is getting married ( again ) — for real , this time .
His first wedding was an extravagant affair , complete with a destination bachelor party , a destination wedding at a fancy resort , expensive bottles — the works .
We gave him a sizable gift on top of our over-the-top travel expenses .
When the unhappy couple split up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ discovered they were never married at all !
These two successful lawyers took a look at their relationship and decided not to file the marriage license .
They would say that they were procrastinating , hoping their relationship would improve to a point where marriage would become less risky , but it never got there .
They certainly blew the 60-day window to file the license , but never returned any gifts .
Now our friend is engaged to a new woman .
In true fashion , his bachelor party and wedding will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great expense .
We plan to give the couple a modest gift .
We can ’ t help but feel some injustice has been done , though we ’ re not sure what .
He never even sent us a gift for our wedding .
Is it petty to consider this all in the past ?
DEAR WITNESS : Your friend ’ s sense of entitlement is … impressive .
However — if you don ’ t like the way this wedding is structured , you don ’ t have to participate in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ does not obligate a person to attend .
I hope you spoke your mind ( to him and his “ bride ” ) when you learned that his previous extravaganza was a scam , and I wonder if you like or respect him enough to continue to have a close relationship with him .
It must be tempting to punish him for his previous behavior , but it is important to remember that he isn ’ t the only person participating in this wedding .
His bride should be presumed innocent ( until @ @ @ @ @ @ @ If you attend , a modest gift is called for .
If you don ’ t attend , you ’ re off the hook .
DEAR AMY : “ Stepmom-to-be ” shared her concerns that her adolescent future stepson didn ’ t do some little things around the house , like “ pushing in his chair after dinner.
” This made the hair on the back of my neck stand up .
Thank you for this line : “ You should ask him to choose ways to contribute , go easy on him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him credit when he does well.
” I got a stepmom when I was his age , and I felt like she only noticed when I messed up !
DEAR STEPSON : The whole “ step ” relationship is a long game .
Yes , positive reinforcement is vital .
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy @ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy , P.O .
Box 194 , Freeville , NY 13068 .
You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook .

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. He has seven sisters (he is the only male in the family). He has one sister who always has to be the center of attention at family gatherings.
It’s so damn annoying! She always has to bring up the expensive family trips she has planned for the summer, and is always bragging about how good she has it, as if to say, “Don’t you wish your husband was rich like mine?”
She acts like a snotty, spoiled teenager.
I would like to scream and tell her to shut up! If I sit down with one of his other sisters, she butts right into our conversation because she’s “assuming” that I’m talking smack about her.
I go to these gatherings for the sake of my husband and in order for our son to spend time with his cousins.
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Confused
DEAR CONFUSED: If your sister-in-law acts like a spoiled teenager, then perhaps you should treat her like one. My preferred technique is to remember that I am the grown-up. Sometimes , reacting at all is just feeding the serpent.
You should practice behaving in a way that comes off as mature, detached, and overall neutral. Be aware that your body language can betray tension, and so try not to clench when you encounter her.
In a family as large as this one, it should be fairly easy to avoid your sister-in-law. You should strive to engage in positive conversations with your other relatives at these gatherings. Never gossip about this in-law with her siblings — even if they invite you to trash her, the rules of sisterhood dictate that they can criticize her, but you cannot.
DEAR AMY: Our ostentatious friend is getting married (again) — for real, this time.
His first wedding was an extravagant affair, complete with a destination bachelor party, a destination wedding at a fancy resort, expensive bottles — the works. We gave him a sizable gift on top of our over-the-top travel expenses.
When the unhappy couple split up, after three tumultuous years, we discovered they were never married at all!
These two successful lawyers took a look at their relationship and decided not to file the marriage license. They would say that they were procrastinating, hoping their relationship would improve to a point where marriage would become less risky, but it never got there.
They certainly blew the 60-day window to file the license, but never returned any gifts.
Now our friend is engaged to a new woman. In true fashion, his bachelor party and wedding will be in fabulous destinations and will demand great expense.
We plan to give the couple a modest gift.
We can’t help but feel some injustice has been done, though we’re not sure what. He never even sent us a gift for our wedding. Is it petty to consider this all in the past?
Witness
DEAR WITNESS: Your friend’s sense of entitlement is … impressive. However — if you don’t like the way this wedding is structured, you don’t have to participate in it. Being invited to an extravaganza does not obligate a person to attend.
I hope you spoke your mind (to him and his “bride”) when you learned that his previous extravaganza was a scam, and I wonder if you like or respect him enough to continue to have a close relationship with him.
It must be tempting to punish him for his previous behavior, but it is important to remember that he isn’t the only person participating in this wedding. His bride should be presumed innocent (until proven to be equally craven).
If you attend, a modest gift is called for. If you don’t attend, you’re off the hook.
Want Ask Amy delivered to your inbox for free on weekdays?
DEAR AMY: “Stepmom-to-be” shared her concerns that her adolescent future stepson didn’t do some little things around the house, like “pushing in his chair after dinner.”
This made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Thank you for this line: “You should ask him to choose ways to contribute, go easy on him when he flakes out, and give him credit when he does well.”
I got a stepmom when I was his age, and I felt like she only noticed when I messed up!
Stepson
DEAR STEPSON: The whole “step” relationship is a long game. Yes, positive reinforcement is vital.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Letter: Here’s how Trump is keeping people from panicking

President Donald Trump has done an outstanding job keeping people from panicking .
Every day around 3 p.m. ( ET ) , he and his staff have a news briefing .
President Trump then answers questions from the media .
These briefings give us encouragement by finding out what is being done to conquer this virus .
On the other hand , if you want to be depressed , read the paper or listen to what the media has to say .
In Tuesday ’ s paper I couldn ’ t find anything but negative news and how President Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : Lockdown has resulted in epiphanies for many • Letter : We ’ re asking MDs and RNs to volunteer to risk their lives • Letter : Many are helping us survive this crisis — for example… • Letter : Higher taxes may hit small businesses just like COVID-19 has • Letter : Kaiser and John Muir Health are asking for homemade masks We are very lucky we have a president who is making the hard choices .
It ’ s easy for the media to second guess his decisions .
If you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ virus , start watching the news briefings .
Submit your letter to the editor via this form Read more Letters to the Editor

We’re lucky to have Trump
who’s making hard choices
President Donald Trump has done an outstanding job keeping people from panicking.
Every day around 3 p.m. (ET), he and his staff have a news briefing. President Trump then answers questions from the media.
These briefings give us encouragement by finding out what is being done to conquer this virus.
On the other hand, if you want to be depressed, read the paper or listen to what the media has to say. In Tuesday’s paper I couldn’t find anything but negative news and how President Trump has done everything wrong.
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Gene Grover
Hayward
Submit your letter to the editor via this form
Read more Letters to the Editor


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Harriette Cole: How can my crush survive coronavirus?

DEAR HARRIETTE : I just started “ talking to ” a guy before school was canceled and we were told we can ’ t get together with friends .
We talk on SnapChat because that ’ s how kids communicate , but this can only last so long .
Normally kids my age start hanging out by now so that they get to know each other better .
I ’ m not quite sure what to do .
I have never dated before , but I like this guy , and I know he likes me .
How can we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ awkward ?
I have no idea when we will see each other in person again .
DEAR PUPPY LOVE : Years ago , people became pen pals when they couldn ’ t physically be in each other ’ s company but they wanted to stay close .
SnapChat is a modern version of this idea .
You are right : It can grow old fast if it feels like it ’ s time to go to the next level .
It ’ s time to get creative .
Since you both like each @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , you can continue to send your funny messages by Snap , but also consider literally talking on the phone , or texting as a bridge to talking .
• Harriette Cole : I ’ ve been a jerk to my husband , but an apology now seems wrong • Harriette Cole : Should I tell them why I had to quit the cheer squad ?
• Harriette Cole : Since I gave money to this sick woman , I ’ d like updates on her health • Harriette Cole : I ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ offensive at her baby shower • Harriette Cole : My new guy is beautiful , and I ’ m afraid he ’ s going to dump me Engaging in lengthier conversations will help you to get to know each other better .
The question will be who introduces the idea first .
Consider putting it out there — ask if he would like to text you sometime .
That could feel scary because it is a next step toward intimacy , but someone needs to make the move to keep your interaction alive @ @ @ @ @ @ @ recently gone online for the duration of the spring semester due to the COVID-19 virus outbreak .
The professors are scrambling to adjust to these new changes .
I am worried about how I am going to adjust .
I am anxious about taking online classes ; I work better when I can physically see the professor .
I have been doing well , and my GPA is decently high ; I don ’ t want this to drop my grades .
What can I do to stop thinking of the worst-case scenario @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the sudden changes ?
DEAR VIRTUAL STUDENT : You and your professors are all in this together .
The learning curve is significant , and hopefully your professors will keep that in mind when it comes to teaching and grading .
What you can and must do is submit questions whenever you do not understand something .
Be insistent when you are unclear .
Ask your professors for guidance , and make it clear whenever you are struggling .
Find out if your professors will offer virtual office hours when you can speak @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your concerns .
The more you ask for what you need , the better your professors will be able to design the curriculum and support services that will help all students learn in this new reality .
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS , an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams .
You can send questions to askharriette @ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started “talking to” a guy before school was canceled and we were told we can’t get together with friends.
We talk on SnapChat because that’s how kids communicate, but this can only last so long. Normally kids my age start hanging out by now so that they get to know each other better.
I’m not quite sure what to do. I have never dated before, but I like this guy, and I know he likes me. How can we keep things moving forward without it getting awkward? I have no idea when we will see each other in person again.
Puppy Love
DEAR PUPPY LOVE: Years ago, people became pen pals when they couldn’t physically be in each other’s company but they wanted to stay close. SnapChat is a modern version of this idea. You are right: It can grow old fast if it feels like it’s time to go to the next level.
It’s time to get creative. Since you both like each other even though it’s new, you can continue to send your funny messages by Snap, but also consider literally talking on the phone, or texting as a bridge to talking.
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Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend Advice | Harriette Cole: I’ve worked hard, and my poor siblings resent my success Engaging in lengthier conversations will help you to get to know each other better. The question will be who introduces the idea first. Consider putting it out there — ask if he would like to text you sometime. That could feel scary because it is a next step toward intimacy, but someone needs to make the move to keep your interaction alive.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My school has recently gone online for the duration of the spring semester due to the COVID-19 virus outbreak. The professors are scrambling to adjust to these new changes.
I am worried about how I am going to adjust. I am anxious about taking online classes; I work better when I can physically see the professor. I have been doing well, and my GPA is decently high; I don’t want this to drop my grades.
What can I do to stop thinking of the worst-case scenario? And how do I adjust to the sudden changes?
Virtual Student
DEAR VIRTUAL STUDENT: You and your professors are all in this together. The learning curve is significant, and hopefully your professors will keep that in mind when it comes to teaching and grading.
What you can and must do is submit questions whenever you do not understand something. Be insistent when you are unclear. Ask your professors for guidance, and make it clear whenever you are struggling. Find out if your professors will offer virtual office hours when you can speak one-on-one or in small groups to address your concerns.
The more you ask for what you need, the better your professors will be able to design the curriculum and support services that will help all students learn in this new reality.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Miss Manners: The wedding is all very sketchy, but I’ve been told I must send a gift

DEAR MISS MANNERS : At long last , my nephew is getting married to the woman with whom he has been living for nearly 10 years , and with whom he shares a young son and a stepdaughter .
The details of the upcoming nuptials , as related by his father , my brother , are sketchy at best .
The ceremony may involve little more than an impromptu visit to City Hall , with no friends or family present .
Apparently , taxes and health insurance are the main motivations behind this move .
Unfortunately , my brother has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s long-term living arrangement .
He says that his son has met with snide remarks from some family members over the years , while other nieces and nephews who married in a more timely order were treated more respectfully .
With his son ’ s impending marriage , my brother has served notice to one and all that the soon-to-be married couple shall be given congratulations and wedding gifts , and that he ’ s keeping track of who does so .
• Miss Manners : Did they deserve to be invited to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Miss Manners : When a wife starts talking about her next husband • Miss Manners : We told them no gifts , and I ’ m hurt by their response • Miss Manners : They invite me out , and then make me work too hard How do I tactfully offer the couple my congratulations on an event about which I have no details whatsoever , and then send a gift with a note reading , “ … and please let your father know that I sent this ” ?
GENTLE READER : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your brother will no doubt have tracking methods already in place .
Miss Manners recommends that you send your present with a congratulatory note saying , “ Gerald has told us of the impending happy occasion .
We wish you , your fiancee and the children all of our heartfelt best wishes.
” DEAR MISS MANNERS : Lately , I ’ ve come across a large number of typos online : e.g .
restaurant menus , sites for housecleaning services , etc .
Most of them are obvious spelling errors ( e.g.
, @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” ) , but occasionally it ’ s a poor choice of words that makes it very difficult to understand the intended message .
I have , on occasion , made silly errors as well — for instance , my phone number was incorrect on my résumé for years .
I ’ d like to point out the errors , but understand that if the business is a labor of love , the owner might be insulted .
How can I provide this feedback without upsetting the recipients ?
Miss Manners does not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it possible that some of the authors of these websites are not native English speakers ?
While they may ultimately benefit from your help , they are not soliciting it .
And you are not their employer .
However , that could change .
If you feel so moved and are interested in their services , you could send them a direct message saying , “ I am seeking a housecleaner , but did not quite understand this listing .
Do you mind clarifying what comes with the ‘ three-hour Poopie Package ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s your opinion about a man who invites you to a relaxing weekend getaway , but expects you to pay for gas and meals ?
GENTLE READER : That it will not be relaxing .
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website , www.missmanners.com ; to her email , dearmissmanners @ gmail.com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners , Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At long last, my nephew is getting married to the woman with whom he has been living for nearly 10 years, and with whom he shares a young son and a stepdaughter.
The details of the upcoming nuptials, as related by his father, my brother, are sketchy at best. The ceremony may involve little more than an impromptu visit to City Hall, with no friends or family present. Apparently, taxes and health insurance are the main motivations behind this move.
Unfortunately, my brother has been very sensitive about the couple’s long-term living arrangement. He says that his son has met with snide remarks from some family members over the years, while other nieces and nephews who married in a more timely order were treated more respectfully. With his son’s impending marriage, my brother has served notice to one and all that the soon-to-be married couple shall be given congratulations and wedding gifts, and that he’s keeping track of who does so.
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Miss Manners: She wants to turn our music festival into a get-drunk weekend Advice | Miss Manners: My rule is no gift for a second wedding, no attendance for a third How do I tactfully offer the couple my congratulations on an event about which I have no details whatsoever, and then send a gift with a note reading, “… and please let your father know that I sent this”?
GENTLE READER: Having successfully scared you into compliance, your brother will no doubt have tracking methods already in place. Miss Manners recommends that you send your present with a congratulatory note saying, “Gerald has told us of the impending happy occasion. We wish you, your fiancee and the children all of our heartfelt best wishes.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I’ve come across a large number of typos online: e.g. restaurant menus, sites for housecleaning services, etc. Most of them are obvious spelling errors (e.g., “claning” instead of “cleaning”), but occasionally it’s a poor choice of words that makes it very difficult to understand the intended message.
I have, on occasion, made silly errors as well — for instance, my phone number was incorrect on my résumé for years.
I’d like to point out the errors, but understand that if the business is a labor of love, the owner might be insulted. How can I provide this feedback without upsetting the recipients?
Want Miss Manners delivered to your inbox for free on weekdays?
GENTLE READER: By treading carefully.
Miss Manners does not want to make assumptions, but is it possible that some of the authors of these websites are not native English speakers? While they may ultimately benefit from your help, they are not soliciting it. And you are not their employer.
However, that could change. If you feel so moved and are interested in their services, you could send them a direct message saying, “I am seeking a housecleaner, but did not quite understand this listing. Do you mind clarifying what comes with the ‘three-hour Poopie Package’?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s your opinion about a man who invites you to a relaxing weekend getaway, but expects you to pay for gas and meals?
GENTLE READER: That it will not be relaxing.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-04-04--Dear Abby: He ends each meal with this disrespectful habit

DEAR ABBY : When my husband and I eat a meal , as soon as he ’ s finished he gets up and wanders around .
We call that the “ wandering ” phase of his meal .
I have asked him to no avail to stay seated and talk with me .
I think it is disrespectful .
My husband also pulls out his phone when we are out with friends .
I have told him that what he ’ s doing is basically telling them he would rather see what ’ s on his phone than converse with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it for the entire meal , but when he does , it irritates me .
• Dear Abby : Everyone notices my husband ’ s attitude , and it ruins the vibe • Dear Abby : He makes cruel comments about me when we ’ re in public • Dear Abby shares letters too strange to believe • Dear Abby : I got even with my cheating fiancé on our wedding day • Dear Abby : We have some dirt on her poop-handling boyfriend How can I get basic manners across to him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ person years ago who had an impulse-control problem similar to the one you describe your husband having .
The man had been in an auto accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury .
In your husband ’ s case , it appears he either has attention deficit disorder or “ suffers ” from a lack of consideration for your feelings .
There is help for the former , but you can ’ t teach basic manners to someone who doesn ’ t want to learn .
You have my sympathy .
Try not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ DEAR ABBY : My boyfriend of 15 years is in prison .
We have two children together .
Our relationship has been rough .
We had a fight , and he went to jail for it .
Another reason he went to prison is he violated his probation and failed to report .
I take the kids to see him , and he still wants us to be together .
He has nowhere to go when he gets out .
How do I tell him I don ’ t want him back at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
DEAR AFRAID : This is how : Tell him plainly that because of the circumstances that sent him to jail , you no longer want him living under your roof .
It ’ s bad for the children .
Therefore , he will be finding other living arrangements when he is released .
He may not like it , but please remember you owe him nothing .
You have to stand your ground for your children ’ s sake .
Should he stalk or threaten you in any way , go to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ afraid of him and why , and ask about a restraining order because he is violent .
DEAR ABBY : I work as a parcel clerk in a major retail store .
The biggest part of my job is returning shopping carts from the parking lot to the lobby .
Shoppers have a habit that makes my job a lot harder than it needs to be , so I want to get this message out to as many people as possible : PLEASE push your shopping cart ALL THE WAY into the next @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m not asking you to bring your cart all the way back to the store .
Just remember that each cart can nest into the one in front of it .
You have no idea how much faster I could do my job if everybody did this .
Thank you for helping get the word out .
DEAR PLEA : Glad to help .
And as long as we are on the subject of shopping carts , may I add that those cute little straps that are meant to secure small @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cart tend to get caught and lock the carts together if folks are careless after they unhook their children .
It can be next to impossible to untangle those carts .
I speak from experience .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , CA 90069 .

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I eat a meal, as soon as he’s finished he gets up and wanders around. We call that the “wandering” phase of his meal.
I have asked him to no avail to stay seated and talk with me. I think it is disrespectful.
My husband also pulls out his phone when we are out with friends. I have told him that what he’s doing is basically telling them he would rather see what’s on his phone than converse with them. He doesn’t do it for the entire meal, but when he does, it irritates me.
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LONELY AT MEALTIME
DEAR LONELY: I knew a person years ago who had an impulse-control problem similar to the one you describe your husband having. The man had been in an auto accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. In your husband’s case, it appears he either has attention deficit disorder or “suffers” from a lack of consideration for your feelings.
There is help for the former, but you can’t teach basic manners to someone who doesn’t want to learn. You have my sympathy. Try not to let it give you heartburn.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 15 years is in prison. We have two children together. Our relationship has been rough. We had a fight, and he went to jail for it. Another reason he went to prison is he violated his probation and failed to report.
I take the kids to see him, and he still wants us to be together. He has nowhere to go when he gets out. How do I tell him I don’t want him back at my house without him retaliating on me?
AFRAID IN TEXAS
DEAR AFRAID: This is how: Tell him plainly that because of the circumstances that sent him to jail, you no longer want him living under your roof. It’s bad for the children. Therefore, he will be finding other living arrangements when he is released.
He may not like it, but please remember you owe him nothing. You have to stand your ground for your children’s sake. Should he stalk or threaten you in any way, go to the police. Tell them you are afraid of him and why, and ask about a restraining order because he is violent.
DEAR ABBY: I work as a parcel clerk in a major retail store. The biggest part of my job is returning shopping carts from the parking lot to the lobby. Shoppers have a habit that makes my job a lot harder than it needs to be, so I want to get this message out to as many people as possible:
PLEASE push your shopping cart ALL THE WAY into the next one when you put it away. I’m not asking you to bring your cart all the way back to the store. Just remember that each cart can nest into the one in front of it.
You have no idea how much faster I could do my job if everybody did this. Thank you for helping get the word out.
PLEA FROM THE PARKING LOT
DEAR PLEA: Glad to help. And as long as we are on the subject of shopping carts, may I add that those cute little straps that are meant to secure small children in the upper compartment of the cart tend to get caught and lock the carts together if folks are careless after they unhook their children. It can be next to impossible to untangle those carts. I speak from experience.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.