mercurynews--2020-12-19--49ers vs. Cowboys: Five keys to winning in face of NFC playoff elimination

They can dress it up as a high-noon showdown in Texas , for that is when the 49ers and Dallas Cowboys kickoff in Arlington .
Translated , it ’ ll be 10 a.m. PT back in the 49ers ’ off-limits headquarters in Santa Clara , and 11 a.m. at their home the past two weeks in Glendale , Ariz. , where they ’ ve been stationed this month because of COVID-19 regulations in Santa Clara County .
Prime time , however , is too good for these downtrodden rivals .
“ America ’ s Team ” got flexed out of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , a byproduct of being mired in last place , like the 49ers .
Neither has won a Super Bowl since the mid-1990s , when the 1994 49ers interrupted the Cowboys ’ trio of championships between 1992-95 .
At stake this meeting : pride and slim playoff hopes .
The 49ers ( 5-8 ) will have their NFC title defense officially end before the postseason if they lose , combined with a victory hours later by the Arizona Cardinals ( 7-6 ) over the Philadelphia Eagles ( 4-8-1 ) .
The Cowboys ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ elimination another week , if they win for the third time in five games .
Here is what the 49ers ’ must do for their sake : Nick Mullens would have been pulled Sunday if C.J .
Beathard had warmed up fast enough before the fourth quarter .
Memo to Beathard : Have that arm ready at a moment ’ s notice this game .
Even though Mullens is making a sixth straight start in place of Jimmy Garoppolo , coach Kyle Shanahan should be compelled to make a quick change at the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ whether it ’ s prompted by another offensive line breakdown or mere sloppiness by Mullens .
Shanahan can only cry wolf so many times about demanding fewer turnovers without making a quarterback change .
Disclaimer : Beathard has 18 career turnovers and was 1-9 as a starter from 2017-18 , so don ’ t expect a magical elixir .
This rivalry is filled with many examples of 49ers-turned-Cowboys , and vice versa .
Charles Haley , Deion Sanders , Terrell Owens , Ken Norton Jr. , Larry Allen and Bob Hayes lead that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kerry Hyder Jr. rank ?
Well , currently , they lead their new team in sacks .
And each should have opportunities to pad those numbers this game .
Smith , the 49ers ’ sack artist from 2011-14 , has resumed his career and racked up five sacks for the Cowboys , who used his fumble return for a touchdown last week to help rout Cincinnati .
Hyder produced one sack in 16 games last season for Dallas .
Thrust into a full-time role with the 49ers once Nick Bosa and Dee Ford @ @ @ @ @ @ @ win the 49ers ’ sack crown this season .
He has 7 1/2 sacks , just shy of his career-high eight in 2016 with the Detroit Lions .
Each team touts a rookie wide receiver living up to first-round expectations .
A key difference is that Dallas ’ CeeDee Lamb is complemented by Amari Cooper ( 80 catches , 942 yards ) while Aiyuk is on an island again with Deebo Samuel sidelined by a hamstring injury .
Richie James and Kendrick Bourne have had their moments .
Trent Taylor and River Cracraft @ @ @ @ @ @ @ end Jordan Reed has only 213 receiving yards .
Hence , the 49ers ’ receiving burden falls on Aiyuk , the 25th overall draft pick who has 660 receiving yards ( 50 catches , four touchdowns ) and is 267 yards shy of Jerry Rice ’ s rookie-season record for the 49ers .
Lamb , the third receiver drafted and taken No .
17 overall , has 742 yards on 61 catches with four touchdowns .
Raheem Mostert aggravated an ankle injury last game , so the 49ers again could turn elsewhere to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ slumber .
Most will expect Jeff Wilson Jr. to seize on more carries and go big like he did Oct. 25 in New England with three rushing touchdowns .
Wilson , however , seemed to aggravate his own ankle injury last game and played through it .
Perhaps that is enough to call on 2019 starter Tevin Coleman or dust off Jerick McKinnon .
The most likely lanes will come when running left behind left tackle Trent Williams and Laken Tomlinson , although Shanahan continues to champion right tackle Mike McGlinchey ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 49ers are glaringly vulnerable on the interior .
Guard-turned-center Daniel Brunskill has a sprained shoulder .
Issues with Colton McKivitz ( COVID-19 reserve ) and Tom Compton ( concussion ) have the 49ers scrambling for solutions at right guard .
Presuming Fred Warner shakes off last game ’ s nerve stinger and keeps intact his streak of never missing a start , he could be facing a sleeping giant in Ezekiel Elliott , if he even plays .
Elliott missed practices because of a calf injury , so perhaps the more likely rushing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 39 yards ( 11 carries ) while splitting time with Elliott in last Sunday ’ s win at the Bengals .
Elliott ’ s gone eight games without a rushing touchdown , dating back to Dak Prescott ’ s season-ending injury .
Elliott has the NFL ’ s fifth-most carries ( 219 ) and just a 3.9-yard per carry average .
He ’ s breached the 100-yard mark once this season .
The 49ers have not allowed a 100-yard rusher this season .
Opponents , instead , have found success in the air @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Cowboys have Cooper and Lamb – to complement Elliott on the ground .
Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy complimented Warner ahead of their matchup , saying : “ His recognition , conceptually , about the run and the pass is impressive , amazing .
Clearly one of the best linebackers that we ’ ve seen all year .
Clearly.
” Added 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh on Warner : “ I don ’ t think he got enough credit a year ago , because the front four stole the show every single game .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ he lines us up , it ’ s Peyton Manning like in terms of a comparative measure.
” “ I will be bias and say he is by far , by far the best middle linebacker in football , ” Saleh said .
“ It ’ s not even close , in my opinion .
With what he does , what we ask him to do , his positive energy , his leadership , his off-the-field stuff , you can ’ t make them like that , not very often , anyway.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ return vs. Cowboys ; 49ers will have new starter on offensive line • 49ers won ’ t be allowed back at Levi ’ s Stadium , will host Seattle Seahawks in Arizona for season finale • 49ers practice report : Raheem Mostert back in action but Ezekiel Elliott is not ahead of Dallas game • 49ers roundup : Could DeMeco Ryans be in-house favorite to replace Robert Saleh ?

They can dress it up as a high-noon showdown in Texas, for that is when the 49ers and Dallas Cowboys kickoff in Arlington.
Translated, it’ll be 10 a.m. PT back in the 49ers’ off-limits headquarters in Santa Clara, and 11 a.m. at their home the past two weeks in Glendale, Ariz., where they’ve been stationed this month because of COVID-19 regulations in Santa Clara County.
Prime time, however, is too good for these downtrodden rivals. “America’s Team” got flexed out of prime time for the first time ever, a byproduct of being mired in last place, like the 49ers.
Neither has won a Super Bowl since the mid-1990s, when the 1994 49ers interrupted the Cowboys’ trio of championships between 1992-95.
At stake this meeting: pride and slim playoff hopes.
The 49ers (5-8) will have their NFC title defense officially end before the postseason if they lose, combined with a victory hours later by the Arizona Cardinals (7-6) over the Philadelphia Eagles (4-8-1).
The Cowboys (4-9) can stave off NFC East elimination another week, if they win for the third time in five games.
Here is what the 49ers’ must do for their sake:
1. Mullens’ no room for error
Nick Mullens would have been pulled Sunday if C.J. Beathard had warmed up fast enough before the fourth quarter. Memo to Beathard: Have that arm ready at a moment’s notice this game.
Even though Mullens is making a sixth straight start in place of Jimmy Garoppolo, coach Kyle Shanahan should be compelled to make a quick change at the first sight of an ugly turnover, whether it’s prompted by another offensive line breakdown or mere sloppiness by Mullens.
Shanahan can only cry wolf so many times about demanding fewer turnovers without making a quarterback change. Disclaimer: Beathard has 18 career turnovers and was 1-9 as a starter from 2017-18, so don’t expect a magical elixir.
2. Familiar sack leaders
This rivalry is filled with many examples of 49ers-turned-Cowboys, and vice versa. Charles Haley, Deion Sanders, Terrell Owens, Ken Norton Jr., Larry Allen and Bob Hayes lead that crossover.
Where do Aldon Smith and Kerry Hyder Jr. rank? Well, currently, they lead their new team in sacks. And each should have opportunities to pad those numbers this game.
Smith, the 49ers’ sack artist from 2011-14, has resumed his career and racked up five sacks for the Cowboys, who used his fumble return for a touchdown last week to help rout Cincinnati.
Hyder produced one sack in 16 games last season for Dallas. Thrust into a full-time role with the 49ers once Nick Bosa and Dee Ford got hurt in September, Hyder should win the 49ers’ sack crown this season. He has 7 1/2 sacks, just shy of his career-high eight in 2016 with the Detroit Lions.
3. Aiyuk vs. Lamb
Each team touts a rookie wide receiver living up to first-round expectations. A key difference is that Dallas’ CeeDee Lamb is complemented by Amari Cooper (80 catches, 942 yards) while Aiyuk is on an island again with Deebo Samuel sidelined by a hamstring injury.
Richie James and Kendrick Bourne have had their moments. Trent Taylor and River Cracraft are options off the bench. Tight end Jordan Reed has only 213 receiving yards.
Hence, the 49ers’ receiving burden falls on Aiyuk, the 25th overall draft pick who has 660 receiving yards (50 catches, four touchdowns) and is 267 yards shy of Jerry Rice’s rookie-season record for the 49ers.
Lamb, the third receiver drafted and taken No. 17 overall, has 742 yards on 61 catches with four touchdowns.
4. Awaken from slumber
Raheem Mostert aggravated an ankle injury last game, so the 49ers again could turn elsewhere to revive their rushing attack from its 2020 slumber. Most will expect Jeff Wilson Jr. to seize on more carries and go big like he did Oct. 25 in New England with three rushing touchdowns.
Wilson, however, seemed to aggravate his own ankle injury last game and played through it. Perhaps that is enough to call on 2019 starter Tevin Coleman or dust off Jerick McKinnon.
The most likely lanes will come when running left behind left tackle Trent Williams and Laken Tomlinson, although Shanahan continues to champion right tackle Mike McGlinchey’s run blocking. Thing is, the 49ers are glaringly vulnerable on the interior. Guard-turned-center Daniel Brunskill has a sprained shoulder. Issues with Colton McKivitz (COVID-19 reserve) and Tom Compton (concussion) have the 49ers scrambling for solutions at right guard.
5. Warner leads run defense
Presuming Fred Warner shakes off last game’s nerve stinger and keeps intact his streak of never missing a start, he could be facing a sleeping giant in Ezekiel Elliott, if he even plays. (Pregame update: Elliott is inactive)
Elliott missed practices because of a calf injury, so perhaps the more likely rushing threat is Tony Pollard, who had 39 yards (11 carries) while splitting time with Elliott in last Sunday’s win at the Bengals.
Elliott’s gone eight games without a rushing touchdown, dating back to Dak Prescott’s season-ending injury. Elliott has the NFL’s fifth-most carries (219) and just a 3.9-yard per carry average. He’s breached the 100-yard mark once this season.
The 49ers have not allowed a 100-yard rusher this season. Opponents, instead, have found success in the air when they possess receiving threats. The Cowboys have Cooper and Lamb – to complement Elliott on the ground.
Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy complimented Warner ahead of their matchup, saying: “His recognition, conceptually, about the run and the pass is impressive, amazing. Clearly one of the best linebackers that we’ve seen all year. Clearly.”
Added 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh on Warner: “I don’t think he got enough credit a year ago, because the front four stole the show every single game. The things he did and the way he lines us up, it’s Peyton Manning like in terms of a comparative measure.”
“I will be bias and say he is by far, by far the best middle linebacker in football,” Saleh said. “It’s not even close, in my opinion. With what he does, what we ask him to do, his positive energy, his leadership, his off-the-field stuff, you can’t make them like that, not very often, anyway.”


Bridge: Dec. 19, 2020

I used to do my Christmas shopping on the eve of the big day .
Then my wife , who finishes in October , shamed me into a more diligent approach .
Now , 40 years later , I ’ m back to my former habit : I shop late to avoid the early rush .
Planning is essential in dummy play .
In today ’ s deal , where South had to shop for 11 tricks in diamonds , West led the ace and a low club .
Without thinking , declarer threw a heart from dummy and won @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trumps and led a heart , but West rose with the ace and exited with a heart .
Then South had to try the spade finesse , and down he went .
South must look ahead .
He should pitch a spade from dummy on the second club .
He draws trumps and leads his low heart .
If West grabs his ace , South can discard his queen of spades on the king of hearts .
If instead West plays low , dummy wins , and South leads a trump to his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ queen of clubs and exits with a heart .
When West wins , he is end-played .
You hold : S A Q H Q 4 D K Q J 9 5 2 C K Q 10 .
You open one diamond , and your partner bids one heart .
What do you say ?
ANSWER : Now that partner has responded , you can commit to game .
Bid 3NT .
This action is often based on a hand with no heart tolerance such as A Q 3 , 5 , A @ @ @ @ @ @ @ J 6 , but the actual hand will suffice .
A jump to 2NT would not be forcing .
Some experts would have opened 2NT though the pattern is not quite balanced , a practice I dislike .

I used to do my Christmas shopping on the eve of the big day. Then my wife, who finishes in October, shamed me into a more diligent approach. Now, 40 years later, I’m back to my former habit: I shop late to avoid the early rush.
Planning is essential in dummy play. In today’s deal, where South had to shop for 11 tricks in diamonds, West led the ace and a low club. Without thinking, declarer threw a heart from dummy and won with his king.
South next drew trumps and led a heart, but West rose with the ace and exited with a heart. Then South had to try the spade finesse, and down he went.
SECOND CLUB
South must look ahead. He should pitch a spade from dummy on the second club. He draws trumps and leads his low heart.
If West grabs his ace, South can discard his queen of spades on the king of hearts. If instead West plays low, dummy wins, and South leads a trump to his hand, discards a heart on the queen of clubs and exits with a heart. When West wins, he is end-played.
DAILY QUESTION
You hold: S A Q H Q 4 D K Q J 9 5 2 C K Q 10. You open one diamond, and your partner bids one heart. What do you say?
ANSWER: Now that partner has responded, you can commit to game. Bid 3NT. This action is often based on a hand with no heart tolerance such as A Q 3, 5, A K Q 10 7 6, K J 6, but the actual hand will suffice. A jump to 2NT would not be forcing. Some experts would have opened 2NT though the pattern is not quite balanced, a practice I dislike.
West dealer
N-S vulnerable
NORTH
S 9 8 6 4 2
H K 8 3
D A 10 6 4
C 7
WEST
S K J 10
H A J 10 9 7
D 8
C A 8 3 2
EAST
S 7 5 3
H 6 5 2
D 7 3
C J 9 6 5 4
SOUTH
S A Q
H Q 4
D K Q J 9 5 2
C K Q 10
West North East South
1 H Pass Pass Dbl
Pass 1 S Pass 3 D
Pass 5 D All Pass
Opening lead — C A
(C)2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


mercurynews--2020-12-19--Horoscopes Dec. 19, 2020: Alyssa Milano, speak up and show passion and leadership ability

Happy Birthday : Use whatever leverage you can drum up this year and turn something you enjoy doing into a financial gain .
Be creative , and take the initiative to broaden your skills and encourage setting trends .
Speak up and show passion and leadership ability , and you will make an impression that will help you get ahead .
Love is apparent , along with self-improvement and a better lifestyle .
Your numbers are 7 , 18 , 22 , 28 , 36 , 44 , 47 .
ARIES ( March 21-April 19 ) : Stick to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ return .
Honesty will be essential if you plan to get things done .
A contract , joint venture or move will improve your world if you go through the proper channels .
Romance is encouraged .
3 stars TAURUS ( April 20-May 20 ) : A promise may be difficult to collect .
Don ’ t let your emotions take over if uncertainty regarding your position or status arises .
Do something to ease stress , and you will gain perspective and find a way to overcome a setback .
4 stars @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The information you receive will be misleading .
Ask questions , get what you want in writing and say no if you don ’ t feel the offer is authentic .
Evaluate a joint venture , and consider if you are better off doing your own thing .
2 stars CANCER ( June 21-July 22 ) : There are deals to consider and money to be made .
An innovative plan will pay off , and a chance to make a professional move is apparent .
Take on a creative project that encourages @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 5 stars LEO ( July 23-Aug. 22 ) : Don ’ t rely on others to do things for you .
The more you do for yourself , the bigger the payoff .
Take an energetic approach , and you ’ ll reach your goal in record time .
Celebrate your victory with someone you love .
3 stars VIRGO ( Aug. 23-Sept. 22 ) : It will be challenging to know what to do based on the information you receive .
Don ’ t give in to someone using emotional manipulation to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ If something or someone doesn ’ t feel right , distance yourself .
3 stars LIBRA ( Sept. 23-Oct. 22 ) : Tackle unfinished tasks and get them out of the way before someone complains .
Put your energy to work for you , and structure your day to ensure that you reach your goal .
Time spent with someone you love will bring you closer together .
4 stars SCORPIO ( Oct. 23-Nov. 21 ) : Be realistic about your plans and how you implement what you want to do .
Look @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have something worthwhile to contribute to join your team .
A change to the dynamics of a relationship will be eventful .
2 stars SAGITTARIUS ( Nov. 22-Dec. 21 ) : A change at home will require transparency if you want it to unfold without a hitch .
Keeping secrets or not questioning someone aloof or vague will stand between you and what you are trying to accomplish .
Romance is favored .
4 stars CAPRICORN ( Dec. 22-Jan. 19 ) : Take a passionate approach to whatever you do , and the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Refuse to let anyone get you down or stand in your way .
Anger will be a waste of time , so channel your energy into something that counts .
4 stars AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18 ) : Slow down , take a break and catch your breath .
Give yourself time to evaluate your life , accomplishments and what matters to you most .
Change is worthwhile only if your contributions bring you joy and you achieve peace of mind .
3 stars PISCES ( Feb. 19-March 20 ) : Heightened @ @ @ @ @ @ @ options , and if nothing stands out to you , take a pass and wait for something better to come along .
Making a move for the wrong reason isn ’ t going to solve anything .
3 stars Birthday Baby : You are orderly , persuasive and demonstrative .
You are passionate and quick-witted .

CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS DAY: Marla Sokoloff, 40; Jake Gyllenhaal, 40; Alyssa Milano, 48; Tyson Beckford, 50.
Happy Birthday: Use whatever leverage you can drum up this year and turn something you enjoy doing into a financial gain. Be creative, and take the initiative to broaden your skills and encourage setting trends. Speak up and show passion and leadership ability, and you will make an impression that will help you get ahead. Love is apparent, along with self-improvement and a better lifestyle. Your numbers are 7, 18, 22, 28, 36, 44, 47.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Stick to the script, and expect the same in return. Honesty will be essential if you plan to get things done. A contract, joint venture or move will improve your world if you go through the proper channels. Romance is encouraged. 3 stars
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A promise may be difficult to collect. Don’t let your emotions take over if uncertainty regarding your position or status arises. Do something to ease stress, and you will gain perspective and find a way to overcome a setback. 4 stars
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The information you receive will be misleading. Ask questions, get what you want in writing and say no if you don’t feel the offer is authentic. Evaluate a joint venture, and consider if you are better off doing your own thing. 2 stars
CANCER (June 21-July 22): There are deals to consider and money to be made. An innovative plan will pay off, and a chance to make a professional move is apparent. Take on a creative project that encourages you to use your attributes uniquely. 5 stars
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t rely on others to do things for you. The more you do for yourself, the bigger the payoff. Take an energetic approach, and you’ll reach your goal in record time. Celebrate your victory with someone you love. 3 stars
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It will be challenging to know what to do based on the information you receive. Don’t give in to someone using emotional manipulation to push you in a questionable direction. If something or someone doesn’t feel right, distance yourself. 3 stars
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Tackle unfinished tasks and get them out of the way before someone complains. Put your energy to work for you, and structure your day to ensure that you reach your goal. Time spent with someone you love will bring you closer together. 4 stars
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Be realistic about your plans and how you implement what you want to do. Look for innovative ways to interest people who have something worthwhile to contribute to join your team. A change to the dynamics of a relationship will be eventful. 2 stars
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A change at home will require transparency if you want it to unfold without a hitch. Keeping secrets or not questioning someone aloof or vague will stand between you and what you are trying to accomplish. Romance is favored. 4 stars
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take a passionate approach to whatever you do, and the results will be better than anticipated. Refuse to let anyone get you down or stand in your way. Anger will be a waste of time, so channel your energy into something that counts. 4 stars
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Slow down, take a break and catch your breath. Give yourself time to evaluate your life, accomplishments and what matters to you most. Change is worthwhile only if your contributions bring you joy and you achieve peace of mind. 3 stars
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Heightened emotions will cause uncertainty. Consider your options, and if nothing stands out to you, take a pass and wait for something better to come along. Making a move for the wrong reason isn’t going to solve anything. 3 stars
Birthday Baby: You are orderly, persuasive and demonstrative. You are passionate and quick-witted.
Visit Eugenialast.com, or join Eugenia on Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn.


Word Game: Dec. 19, 2020

Can you find 46 or more words in COMATOSE ?
The list will be published Monday .
To purchase the @ @ @ @ @ WordGameBooks.com .
Order it now for just $ 5 while supplies last !
1 .
@ @ @ @ @ or more letters .
2 .
Words that acquire four letters by the addition of @ @ @ @ @ as “ bats ” or “ dies , ” are not allowed .
3 .
@ @ @ @ @ a “ d ” or an “ s ” may not be used .
For @ @ @ @ @ ” is used , “ baked ” or “ bakes ” are not allowed , @ @ @ @ @ “ baking ” are admissible .
4 .
Proper nouns , slang words , or @ @ @ @ @ are not allowed .

TODAY’S WORD — COMATOSE (COMATOSE: KO-muh-tose: Lethargic; torpid.)
Average mark 38 words
Time limit 45 minutes
Can you find 46 or more words in COMATOSE? The list will be published Monday.
YESTERDAY’S WORD — CLUSTER clue crest cruel cruet cruse crust cult cure curl
curse curt cute cuter cutler lest lucre lues lure lust luster lute ulcer ulster user sect
slue slur suer suet sure sutler truce true ecru eruct rest result rule ruse rust rustle
To purchase the Word Game book, visit WordGameBooks.com. Order it now for just $5 while supplies last!
RULES OF THE GAME:
1. Words must be of four or more letters.
2. Words that acquire four letters by the addition of “s,” such as “bats” or “dies,” are not allowed.
3. Additional words made by adding a “d” or an “s” may not be used. For example, if “bake” is used, “baked” or “bakes” are not allowed, but “bake” and “baking” are admissible.
4. Proper nouns, slang words, or vulgar or sexually explicit words are not allowed.
Contact Word Game creator Kathleen Saxe at kzsaxe@gmail.com.


mercurynews--2020-12-19--Ask Amy: I’m supposed to be a secret from my father’s other family, but there’s something I need to

Ask Amy: I’m supposed to be a secret from my father’s other family, but there’s something I need to ask them

Dear Amy : In 1956 , my mother had a fling with an airman .
Nine months , later I arrived .
Apparently , he was married , and within a couple of months of my birth there were court proceedings and he paid my mother $ 2,500 with the agreement that she would not ever contact him again .
We didn ’ t .
Being a single mother was tough on my mother , but she provided what we needed .
Mom died in 1990 , so I thought I would contact my biological father .
We corresponded twice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cordial , but he never acknowledged his part of my existence .
He did acknowledge that he knew my mother .
His last words to me were , “ I live a nice quiet life here.
” Through research on the internet , I ’ ve learned that he was married in 1955 and had children .
His wife died in 2010 and he died in 2012 .
We never met .
• Ask Amy : Our son was testing us , and apparently we failed • Ask Amy : My boyfriend ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
This was his response .
• Ask Amy : I told the truth on Facebook , and now they ’ re angry • Ask Amy : He ’ s started flaunting his bad habit and chiding me about my hang-up • Ask Amy : Couple ’ s announcement of their big news was in poor taste This is my dilemma : In his obit , it mentioned that “ he had a long struggle with cancer.
” I need to know what cancer he had .
I have a condition that could @ @ @ @ @ @ @ family and inquire ?
I ’ m pretty sure they know nothing about me .
Dear Related : Yes , you should contact the family .
When you do so , you should make sure to convey that you are seeking medical information that could have a very real impact on your life and health .
Tell them that you and your biological father corresponded briefly 30 years ago , but never met in person .
If there are court records of the arrangement between him and your mother , it would be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in case they have questions .
Dear Amy : A few years ago , a not-so-distant relative , 35 years old , asked for $ 3,000 to help with credit card debt .
She asked me not to tell anyone , especially her mother .
This was supposedly a one-time plea for help with a promise to pay the money back within the year .
She did pay it back ( in 18 months ) .
A year later she asked for $ 5,000 — same scenario .
A year later , she @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more time to pay the rest .
I forgave the loan with the strong suggestion that she seek financial counseling and not ask to borrow again .
She has a decent job , but I think she ’ s a very poor money manager .
I have not yet responded to her , and frankly , I don ’ t want to .
Am I wrong to ignore her ?
I think her mother has helped her out in the past , but doesn ’ t really have the means at this point @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Distressed : Your generous choice to bail out your relative seems to have been helpful in the short term , but may have simply kicked her financial problem down the road , delaying by years the need for her to face the rational consequences of her money habits .
I don ’ t quibble with your choice to forgive the more recent loan , as long as you don ’ t lend further .
Smart readers have taught me over the years that if you choose to be a banker for a family @ @ @ @ @ @ @ previous loan in full before receiving another one .
It might be easier for you to ignore than to face this most recent request , but since you don ’ t seem vulnerable to manipulation , this is an opportunity for you to deliver your answer in a loving ( and possibly helpful ) way .
A simple statement : “ I ’ m worried about you .
I believe you need responsible financial advice .
Debtors Anonymous might be able to help.
” Debtors Anonymous is a 12-step program for people who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ other 12-step programs , they take a “ God-focused ” fellowship approach .
If this does not appeal to your relative , there are other credit counseling groups .
Depending on the situation , it is not wise to allow a family member to swear you to secrecy .
If you think it would ultimately help your adult family member , you should disclose this lending activity to her mother .
Dear Amy : A man who reported that he is “ 94 years young ” and claimed to be sexually active with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sexual prowess , rather than lectured about STDs .
Dear Upset : I responded to this gentleman the way I would any sexually active person juggling multiple relationships : by reminding him ( and his partners ) to be tested .
I made no comment — positive or negative — about his prowess .
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy @ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy , P.O .
Box 194 , Freeville , NY 13068 .
You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook .

Dear Amy: In 1956, my mother had a fling with an airman. Nine months, later I arrived.
Apparently, he was married, and within a couple of months of my birth there were court proceedings and he paid my mother $2,500 with the agreement that she would not ever contact him again. We didn’t.
Being a single mother was tough on my mother, but she provided what we needed.
Mom died in 1990, so I thought I would contact my biological father. We corresponded twice that year. Both times he was cordial, but he never acknowledged his part of my existence. He did acknowledge that he knew my mother.
His last words to me were, “I live a nice quiet life here.”
Through research on the internet, I’ve learned that he was married in 1955 and had children. His wife died in 2010 and he died in 2012. We never met.
Related Articles Advice | Ask Amy: I found the videos she posted about me, with all the demeaning comments
Ask Amy: I found the videos she posted about me, with all the demeaning comments Advice | Ask Amy: My fiance wants me to stay home. Should I bolt?
Ask Amy: My fiance wants me to stay home. Should I bolt? Advice | Ask Amy: Why did she react that way? It was a compliment!
Ask Amy: Why did she react that way? It was a compliment! Advice | Ask Amy: I’ve told them they need therapy, and they refuse to do it. What now?
Ask Amy: I’ve told them they need therapy, and they refuse to do it. What now? Advice | Ask Amy: The man I love is my grandchild’s uncle, and things have gotten messy This is my dilemma: In his obit, it mentioned that “he had a long struggle with cancer.”
I need to know what cancer he had. I have a condition that could turn cancerous. Should I contact his family and inquire? I’m pretty sure they know nothing about me.
Related
Dear Related: Yes, you should contact the family. When you do so, you should make sure to convey that you are seeking medical information that could have a very real impact on your life and health. Tell them that you and your biological father corresponded briefly 30 years ago, but never met in person.
If there are court records of the arrangement between him and your mother, it would be helpful for you to have copies, in case they have questions.
Dear Amy: A few years ago, a not-so-distant relative, 35 years old, asked for $3,000 to help with credit card debt. She asked me not to tell anyone, especially her mother.
This was supposedly a one-time plea for help with a promise to pay the money back within the year. She did pay it back (in 18 months).
A year later she asked for $5,000 — same scenario. A year later, she repaid me $1,500 and asked for more time to pay the rest.
I forgave the loan with the strong suggestion that she seek financial counseling and not ask to borrow again. She has a decent job, but I think she’s a very poor money manager.
A month ago, she asked for $7,000.
I have not yet responded to her, and frankly, I don’t want to.
Am I wrong to ignore her? I think her mother has helped her out in the past, but doesn’t really have the means at this point. Should I notify her?
Distressed
Dear Distressed: Your generous choice to bail out your relative seems to have been helpful in the short term, but may have simply kicked her financial problem down the road, delaying by years the need for her to face the rational consequences of her money habits.
I don’t quibble with your choice to forgive the more recent loan, as long as you don’t lend further. Smart readers have taught me over the years that if you choose to be a banker for a family member, they need to repay a previous loan in full before receiving another one.
It might be easier for you to ignore than to face this most recent request, but since you don’t seem vulnerable to manipulation, this is an opportunity for you to deliver your answer in a loving (and possibly helpful) way. A simple statement: “I’m worried about you. I believe you need responsible financial advice. Debtors Anonymous might be able to help.” Debtors Anonymous is a 12-step program for people who compulsively drive themselves into debt. Like other 12-step programs, they take a “God-focused” fellowship approach. If this does not appeal to your relative, there are other credit counseling groups.
Depending on the situation, it is not wise to allow a family member to swear you to secrecy. If you think it would ultimately help your adult family member, you should disclose this lending activity to her mother.
Dear Amy: A man who reported that he is “94 years young” and claimed to be sexually active with two women should be applauded for his sexual prowess, rather than lectured about STDs.
Upset
Dear Upset: I responded to this gentleman the way I would any sexually active person juggling multiple relationships: by reminding him (and his partners) to be tested. I made no comment — positive or negative — about his prowess.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.


mercurynews--2020-12-19--Harriette Cole: Will my little boy think he’s supposed to be gay?

DEAR HARRIETTE : My husband and I were married for only a few years before he finally told me the truth : He is gay .
We divorced quickly , as he already had a boyfriend .
They moved in together and started a life .
My ex and I share custody of our son , who is just starting school .
This situation is all new to me , and I am worried about my son being with his father and his boyfriend .
I don ’ t want my son thinking that he is supposed to like men @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t want to be insensitive , but it is a real concern of mine .
I will love my son no matter what , but I just don ’ t want his young mind to be confused .
Any pointers on how to explain to my son that all people are different ?
DEAR EXPLAINING LOVE : Good question .
Love comes in many forms , and you can talk to your son about that .
You can describe the love between friends and family members .
Describe how treating people kindly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Tell him that some people who love each other choose to spend their lives together as a couple .
While your son is young , that may be enough .
He sees that your ex and his partner love each other .
You can point out other couples who love each other .
Do not cast judgment on anyone .
Instead , talk about the power of love to bring joy and healing to people ’ s lives .
• Harriette Cole : Should I sue my cousin over his costly blunder @ @ @ @ @ @ @ put all my things in the garage and say it ’ s my problem • Harriette Cole : Should I tell her that her work wardrobe is ridiculous ?
• Harriette Cole : I found out how my daughter is paying for these things .
Should I tell her I know ?
• Harriette Cole : My mom says not to upset my ex by reporting him to the police But truly , for a young child , it ’ s enough to talk about love and respect without describing romance .
When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will get a sense of what he wants to know more about .
You and your ex should talk about how you discuss being welcoming of his union .
Children learn by what they see .
Your son , hopefully , will witness loving relationships .
When it is his turn to explore romance , love should be what inspires him — and his orientation will not be something he learned from his father .
DEAR HARRIETTE : I am not very good at doing my own hair .
I have to travel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ me minimal time to make and get to a hair appointment .
I have hired a hair stylist to come to my home and to travel with me sometimes .
She is great .
Most styles normally take two to four hours .
Lately , her time doing my hair has increased significantly .
When she arrives , she takes an hour to settle in and set up ; she used to get started right away .
She spends a lot of time making calls on her cellphone , and she stops doing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ means everything takes longer .
She seems to be having family problems , including a lot of arguing , so I feel uncomfortable telling her to stay off her phone , but I can ’ t keep having these extra-long appointments when she gets distracted .
What should I do ?
DEAR HANG UP : Talk to your hairdresser .
Check in with her about what ’ s happening .
Tell her that you have noticed that she has a lot going on , and you want to support her , but you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her work with you .
Clearly state the amount of time you can devote to working with her and ask her to refresh her schedule .
If she needs time off to deal with personal issues , ask if she can recommend a temporary replacement .
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS , an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams .
You can send questions to askharriette @ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I were married for only a few years before he finally told me the truth: He is gay.
We divorced quickly, as he already had a boyfriend. They moved in together and started a life.
My ex and I share custody of our son, who is just starting school. This situation is all new to me, and I am worried about my son being with his father and his boyfriend. I don’t want my son thinking that he is supposed to like men, like his dad.
I don’t want to be insensitive, but it is a real concern of mine. I will love my son no matter what, but I just don’t want his young mind to be confused. Any pointers on how to explain to my son that all people are different?
Explaining Love
DEAR EXPLAINING LOVE: Good question. Love comes in many forms, and you can talk to your son about that. You can describe the love between friends and family members.
Describe how treating people kindly and respectfully is a demonstration of love. Tell him that some people who love each other choose to spend their lives together as a couple.
While your son is young, that may be enough. He sees that your ex and his partner love each other. You can point out other couples who love each other. Do not cast judgment on anyone. Instead, talk about the power of love to bring joy and healing to people’s lives.
Related Articles Advice | Harriette Cole: Was it rash to choose this job over my boyfriend’s objections?
Harriette Cole: Was it rash to choose this job over my boyfriend’s objections? Advice | Harriette Cole: What does it mean that my boyfriend’s sister called me by this name?
Harriette Cole: What does it mean that my boyfriend’s sister called me by this name? Advice | Harriette Cole: Our guest walked through a closed screen door. Is it our problem?
Harriette Cole: Our guest walked through a closed screen door. Is it our problem? Advice | Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend
Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend Advice | Harriette Cole: I’ve worked hard, and my poor siblings resent my success But truly, for a young child, it’s enough to talk about love and respect without describing romance. When your son starts asking questions, you will get a sense of what he wants to know more about. You and your ex should talk about how you discuss being welcoming of his union. Children learn by what they see. Your son, hopefully, will witness loving relationships. When it is his turn to explore romance, love should be what inspires him — and his orientation will not be something he learned from his father.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not very good at doing my own hair. I have to travel for work a lot, which leaves me minimal time to make and get to a hair appointment. I have hired a hair stylist to come to my home and to travel with me sometimes. She is great. Most styles normally take two to four hours.
Lately, her time doing my hair has increased significantly. When she arrives, she takes an hour to settle in and set up; she used to get started right away. She spends a lot of time making calls on her cellphone, and she stops doing my hair for these calls. This means everything takes longer. She seems to be having family problems, including a lot of arguing, so I feel uncomfortable telling her to stay off her phone, but I can’t keep having these extra-long appointments when she gets distracted. What should I do?
Hang Up
DEAR HANG UP: Talk to your hairdresser. Check in with her about what’s happening. Tell her that you have noticed that she has a lot going on, and you want to support her, but you need her to be more focused on her work with you. Clearly state the amount of time you can devote to working with her and ask her to refresh her schedule. If she needs time off to deal with personal issues, ask if she can recommend a temporary replacement.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-12-19--Miss Manners: ‘I threw away your gift. Now can you make me another?’

DEAR MISS MANNERS : For 50 years , I have enjoyed working with yarn .
I gave complete baby sets ( a sweater set , blanket and toy ) to friends when their children came along .
These were well-received , with many compliments ; pictures of them in use were shared with me , and I was frequently told these items would be saved as heirlooms for the baby ’ s own children .
Twelve or 15 years would go by , and the friend would tell me out of the blue , “ I had to discard your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t have room to keep everything from Terrence ’ s childhood .
I felt so terrible when I threw it in the dumpster.
” ( This is a mental image I do not enjoy , either ! )
Then in another 10 or 12 years , they announce their excitement to be welcoming a grandchild , and ask me to make another baby set .
• Miss Manners : Why bother with manners if you ’ re only with your wife ?
• Miss Manners : I only now realize how rude @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mortified • Miss Manners : My gifts to her are never good enough • Miss Manners : Here ’ s what to say when they ask about your home life • Miss Manners : My mom insists this porchlight code is a real thing .
Is it ?
While I understand the need to downsize , and that the gift is theirs to do with as they wish , I ’ m at a loss as to how to answer these requests .
It feels as though they ’ re asking me to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve discarded a symbol of our friendship .
Items are discarded for various reasons over time , but I would never announce that I discarded someone ’ s gift , no matter the circumstances or amount of time passed !
Can you suggest how I can politely respond to the announcement that my gift has been discarded ?
In the past I have simply said , “ I understand.
” I now find great satisfaction in donating my creations to charities — and not knowing their fate !
GENTLE READER : You @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can politely express disappointment .
Miss Manners suggests something like : “ Oh , that is too bad .
If you no longer had use for it , I am sure that someone else might have .
Perhaps even Terrence ’ s children someday , knowing that he enjoyed it so .
Well , if you find yourself in the same position again , I would happily keep it for you or donate it , rather than have it go to waste.
” DEAR MISS MANNERS : It seems that Cobb and chopped @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and are as beautiful to look at as they are delicious to eat .
My dilemma is how to eat them .
Does one toss it in one ’ s plate , so each bite contains a sample of a few ingredients ?
There usually isn ’ t a lot of room on the plate to do this neatly .
I drizzle a bit of dressing and eat a little from each section , working my way around the plate , adding dressing as needed once I reach the lower layers .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ READER : When it comes to giant salads fitted in small bowls , one ’ s life — and dry-cleaning bill — is in one ’ s own hands .
Your method is as good as any .
Miss Manners suggests you approach it like an archaeological dig , skillfully swirling and consolidating the further you approach the bottom .
If it is any consolation , at least chopped and Cobb salads have the courtesy of coming in bite-sized pieces .
Their cruel sibling , the wedge salad , is not so generous @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Manners at her website , www.missmanners.com ; to her email , dearmissmanners @ gmail.com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners , Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 50 years, I have enjoyed working with yarn. I gave complete baby sets (a sweater set, blanket and toy) to friends when their children came along.
These were well-received, with many compliments; pictures of them in use were shared with me, and I was frequently told these items would be saved as heirlooms for the baby’s own children.
Twelve or 15 years would go by, and the friend would tell me out of the blue, “I had to discard your beautiful baby set. We just don’t have room to keep everything from Terrence’s childhood. I felt so terrible when I threw it in the dumpster.” (This is a mental image I do not enjoy, either!)
Then in another 10 or 12 years, they announce their excitement to be welcoming a grandchild, and ask me to make another baby set.
Related Articles Advice | Miss Manners: They come to my house and yell at my dog
Miss Manners: They come to my house and yell at my dog Advice | Miss Manners: Why are parents miffed at me? They’re the ones who spell the kids’ names wrong.
Miss Manners: Why are parents miffed at me? They’re the ones who spell the kids’ names wrong. Advice | Miss Manners: She’s so rich, but she never gives us anything
Miss Manners: She’s so rich, but she never gives us anything Advice | Miss Manners: She wants to turn our music festival into a get-drunk weekend
Miss Manners: She wants to turn our music festival into a get-drunk weekend Advice | Miss Manners: My rule is no gift for a second wedding, no attendance for a third While I understand the need to downsize, and that the gift is theirs to do with as they wish, I’m at a loss as to how to answer these requests. It feels as though they’re asking me to negate their guilt, while knowing they’ve discarded a symbol of our friendship.
Items are discarded for various reasons over time, but I would never announce that I discarded someone’s gift, no matter the circumstances or amount of time passed!
Can you suggest how I can politely respond to the announcement that my gift has been discarded? In the past I have simply said, “I understand.” I now find great satisfaction in donating my creations to charities — and not knowing their fate!
GENTLE READER: You cannot chastise them, but you can politely express disappointment.
Miss Manners suggests something like: “Oh, that is too bad. If you no longer had use for it, I am sure that someone else might have. Perhaps even Terrence’s children someday, knowing that he enjoyed it so. Well, if you find yourself in the same position again, I would happily keep it for you or donate it, rather than have it go to waste.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that Cobb and chopped salads are now on menus everywhere, and are as beautiful to look at as they are delicious to eat. My dilemma is how to eat them.
Does one toss it in one’s plate, so each bite contains a sample of a few ingredients? There usually isn’t a lot of room on the plate to do this neatly.
I drizzle a bit of dressing and eat a little from each section, working my way around the plate, adding dressing as needed once I reach the lower layers. But what is the preferred method?
GENTLE READER: When it comes to giant salads fitted in small bowls, one’s life — and dry-cleaning bill — is in one’s own hands. Your method is as good as any.
Miss Manners suggests you approach it like an archaeological dig, skillfully swirling and consolidating the further you approach the bottom. If it is any consolation, at least chopped and Cobb salads have the courtesy of coming in bite-sized pieces. Their cruel sibling, the wedge salad, is not so generous.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-12-19--Dear Abby: Older woman uses this word a lot, and I don’t think she realizes the connotation

DEAR ABBY : I have an older relative who uses the word “ whatever ” when she is done discussing something .
I don ’ t think she realizes how dismissive it comes across to others .
It ’ s as if she doesn ’ t care about the other person ’ s opinion or comments .
It creates a barrier with family , and I think people distance from her because of it .
I avoid talking to her because it ’ s so blunt and rude .
How can I explain that the word now has a negative @ @ @ @ @ @ @ AWAY TO NOT GET HURT • Dear Abby : One lie to my husband could get me out of this bad situation • Dear Abby : Why would she react this way to a friendly Facebook greeting ?
• Dear Abby : I ’ m stuck living with my ex and his trainwreck of a girlfriend • Dear Abby : It turns out I can ’ t find dates , and I want my ex-wife to take me back • Dear Abby : Nobody will tell her she stinks .
Is it up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Address it the next time she uses “ whatever ” in conversation with you .
Ask if she is using the word because she isn ’ t interested in what you are trying to convey and what she means by it .
Then explain how hearing it made you feel , because it may not have been her intent .
( If it was , then you , too , have a right to distance yourself . )
DEAR ABBY : I have been married to my wife for two years , after @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have two kids with a third on the way .
Our relationship is great .
It ’ s healthy .
I just have this feeling of loneliness .
I feel like I have my children and that ’ s it .
My mind often wanders to a woman from the past .
I would never leave my children because they are my world .
I just can not control or ignore these chronic feelings of unhappiness and loneliness .
I ’ ll be honest : I wish I could just have one conversation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t know what to do .
DEAR RON : “ One conversation ” with the woman from your past won ’ t fix what has gone wrong with your marriage .
You have a responsibility to your wife and your growing family .
What you are experiencing could be symptoms of depression .
You may be feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities you now carry and subconsciously yearning for the carefree years you enjoyed before you were formally married .
Before you feel more alienated than you already do , I urge you to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
DEAR ABBY : I have a friend who has a habit of giving me unsolicited gifts .
It ’ s little things like string lights for my patio or a small toy for my daughter , but it makes me feel obligated to give her a gift back .
I would rather not be stuck in this continual gift exchange loop , especially during a pandemic when you ’ re not supposed to be seeing people outside your household .
This friend has shown up unannounced at my doorstep to drop off @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s coming .
The last gift she offered I refused because it was an offensive toy that wasn ’ t age-appropriate for my daughter .
Was I right to do that ?
How can I stop this cycle without hurting my friend ’ s feelings ?
DEAR GIFTED : Understand that this friend may not give you these gifts out of generosity , but because it gives her an excuse to interact with you .
You have a right to refuse any item intended for yourself or your child that you feel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ treadmill by telling this person her friendship is enough and you will no longer accept any gifts because it makes you uncomfortable .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , CA 90069 .

DEAR ABBY: I have an older relative who uses the word “whatever” when she is done discussing something. I don’t think she realizes how dismissive it comes across to others.
It’s as if she doesn’t care about the other person’s opinion or comments. It creates a barrier with family, and I think people distance from her because of it. I avoid talking to her because it’s so blunt and rude.
How can I explain that the word now has a negative connotation and should be avoided?
STAYING AWAY TO NOT GET HURT
Related Articles Advice | Dear Abby: Is it weird that I think this actress could be my sister?
Dear Abby: Is it weird that I think this actress could be my sister? Advice | Dear Abby: Why are people so rude to me lately? I’m a nice guy.
Dear Abby: Why are people so rude to me lately? I’m a nice guy. Advice | Dear Abby: My financial adviser won’t listen to me, but he insists he’s not sexist
Dear Abby: My financial adviser won’t listen to me, but he insists he’s not sexist Advice | Dear Abby: Our teen’s messy breakup has had awkward repercussions for us
Dear Abby: Our teen’s messy breakup has had awkward repercussions for us Advice | Dear Abby: I was annoyed to discover why our friends picked this restaurant DEAR STAYING AWAY: Address it the next time she uses “whatever” in conversation with you. Ask if she is using the word because she isn’t interested in what you are trying to convey and what she means by it. Then explain how hearing it made you feel, because it may not have been her intent. (If it was, then you, too, have a right to distance yourself.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for two years, after being together for 10 years. We have two kids with a third on the way. Our relationship is great. It’s healthy.
I just have this feeling of loneliness. I feel like I have my children and that’s it. My mind often wanders to a woman from the past.
I would never leave my children because they are my world. I just cannot control or ignore these chronic feelings of unhappiness and loneliness. I’ll be honest: I wish I could just have one conversation with said woman. I don’t know what to do.
RON IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR RON: “One conversation” with the woman from your past won’t fix what has gone wrong with your marriage. You have a responsibility to your wife and your growing family. What you are experiencing could be symptoms of depression. You may be feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities you now carry and subconsciously yearning for the carefree years you enjoyed before you were formally married. Before you feel more alienated than you already do, I urge you to talk this out with a licensed psychotherapist.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who has a habit of giving me unsolicited gifts. It’s little things like string lights for my patio or a small toy for my daughter, but it makes me feel obligated to give her a gift back.
I would rather not be stuck in this continual gift exchange loop, especially during a pandemic when you’re not supposed to be seeing people outside your household. This friend has shown up unannounced at my doorstep to drop off a gift without letting me know she’s coming.
The last gift she offered I refused because it was an offensive toy that wasn’t age-appropriate for my daughter. Was I right to do that? How can I stop this cycle without hurting my friend’s feelings?
GIFTED IN THE WEST
DEAR GIFTED: Understand that this friend may not give you these gifts out of generosity, but because it gives her an excuse to interact with you. You have a right to refuse any item intended for yourself or your child that you feel is inappropriate. Jump off the gift-giving treadmill by telling this person her friendship is enough and you will no longer accept any gifts because it makes you uncomfortable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


mercurynews--2020-12-20--Covid-19 forces Apple to temporarily close its Bay Area stores

With six days to go until Christmas , Cupertino-based Apple temporarily closed its retail stores throughout the Bay Area and California due to the surge in COVID-19 cases .
Notices that all 53 stores in California would temporarily “ close soon ” began appearing on the individual store sites this weekend , 9to5mac.com and other outlets reported .
For the store at the Apple Park Visitor Center , a notice reads : “ We ’ re temporarily closing soon , but are currently open for pickup of existing online orders and previously reserved one-on-one shopping sessions with a specialist made @ @ @ @ @ @ @ notices also appeared on sites for stores throughout the Bay Area , some of which said stores would be open for previously scheduled in-store “ Genius Support ” appointments .
Apple confirmed the store closures in a statement to Bloomberg , saying , “ Due to current Covid-19 conditions in some of the communities we serve , we are temporarily closing stores in these areas .
We take this step with an abundance of caution as we closely monitor the situation and we look forward to having our teams and customers back as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ decision to temporarily close stores on one of the busiest weeks of the holiday season comes as California on Friday set another record for new cases and endured its second-highest single-day death count .
The state ’ s counties collectively reported 54,532 new cases , topping by nearly 3,000 the previous single-day record set just a day earlier on Thursday .
The counties also recorded 279 deaths , the most of the pandemic besides Wednesday ’ s catastrophic count of 428 .
In his report for 9to5mac.com , Apple specialist Michael Steelbar said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ its stores in California and Tennessee this weekend , adding to just over a dozen closures of Los Angeles stores announced on December 18 .
Apple stores that fall under the U.K. ’ s new “ Tier 4 ” restrictions in and around London are also closing effective December 20 , Steelbar reported .
Prime Minister Boris Johnson put London in an emergency lockdown Saturday amid an ongoing surge .
Meanwhile , Apple earlier this week closed all 18 of its stores in Germany and the Netherlands .
More information about individual store @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

With six days to go until Christmas, Cupertino-based Apple temporarily closed its retail stores throughout the Bay Area and California due to the surge in COVID-19 cases.
Notices that all 53 stores in California would temporarily “close soon” began appearing on the individual store sites this weekend, 9to5mac.com and other outlets reported.
For the store at the Apple Park Visitor Center, a notice reads: “We’re temporarily closing soon, but are currently open for pickup of existing online orders and previously reserved one-on-one shopping sessions with a specialist made through Tuesday, December 22.”
Similar notices also appeared on sites for stores throughout the Bay Area, some of which said stores would be open for previously scheduled in-store “Genius Support” appointments.
Apple confirmed the store closures in a statement to Bloomberg, saying, “Due to current Covid-19 conditions in some of the communities we serve, we are temporarily closing stores in these areas. We take this step with an abundance of caution as we closely monitor the situation and we look forward to having our teams and customers back as soon as possible.”
Related Articles Business | San Jose office building wobbles into default — again
San Jose office building wobbles into default — again Business | College students blocked from campus when COVID hit want money back. Some are getting refunds
College students blocked from campus when COVID hit want money back. Some are getting refunds Business | One controversial East Bay parklet reveals dilemmas of pandemic dining
One controversial East Bay parklet reveals dilemmas of pandemic dining Business | Long Covid cases in US adults are on the decline, but many continue to struggle with symptoms
Long Covid cases in US adults are on the decline, but many continue to struggle with symptoms Business | COVID Q&A: Can I use an expired test? Time to get boosted? How to cope with California’s sneaky summer surge Apple’s decision to temporarily close stores on one of the busiest weeks of the holiday season comes as California on Friday set another record for new cases and endured its second-highest single-day death count. The state’s counties collectively reported 54,532 new cases, topping by nearly 3,000 the previous single-day record set just a day earlier on Thursday. The counties also recorded 279 deaths, the most of the pandemic besides Wednesday’s catastrophic count of 428.
In his report for 9to5mac.com, Apple specialist Michael Steelbar said that Apple announced it was closing all its stores in California and Tennessee this weekend, adding to just over a dozen closures of Los Angeles stores announced on December 18.
One correction here: the hours for Apple Park Visitor Center have switched again, it looks like the store is closing alongside all the rest today (compare with previous) pic.twitter.com/TLFpyK0zoh — Michael Steeber (@MichaelSteeber) December 19, 2020
Apple stores that fall under the U.K.’s new “Tier 4” restrictions in and around London are also closing effective December 20, Steelbar reported. Prime Minister Boris Johnson put London in an emergency lockdown Saturday amid an ongoing surge. Meanwhile, Apple earlier this week closed all 18 of its stores in Germany and the Netherlands.
I update my COVID-19 Apple Store tracker every day with the latest opening and closing information. Today I added a public map that details which locations have added Express storefronts: https://t.co/sDQBMRsxtn pic.twitter.com/72Nva8SiJg — Michael Steeber (@MichaelSteeber) December 18, 2020
More information about individual store closings are available at https://www.apple.com.


mercurynews--2020-12-20--Whicker: Ohio State shows UCLA what last March could have been, and what this March might demand

UCLA ventured into the land of the big biceps Saturday , the rib-cracking screens , the battles for every inch of hardwood .
It thought it was ready for that land last year , when it won 11 of its final 14 games and stormed into the NCAA ’ s theoretical brackets .
In that scenario the Bruins might well have played Ohio State in a first-weekend game .
The virus intervened , but they got their chance , in Cleveland , to show they belong in that league .
They did that , but then they learned that belonging @ @ @ @ @ @ @ UCLA led the 20th-ranked Buckeyes by five early in the second half , and the two were tied 63-63 with six minutes to go .
Then the Bruins scored seven more points the rest of the way , missed seven of their final 10 shots , and lost 77-70 .
It would have been their first win over a ranked , non-conference opponent since Steve Alford ’ s Bruins sent down seventh-ranked Kentucky , 83-75 , on Dec. 23 , 2017 .
But they didn ’ t lose because they weren ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ weren ’ t good enough long enough .
“ It was a hell of a battle , ” coach Mick Cronin said .
“ We played really well for a long period of time .
The intensity was at a high level .
In games like that you have to be the tougher team , and they were.
” UCLA displayed some fiber last week when it beat Marquette in Pauley Pavilion .
But a long stretch of Pac-12 games , at least at this point , will not demand the same thing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Pac-12 eighth among conferences .
Nobody in the league has a win over a Top 25 team .
There is parity , sure , but the Bruins are clear Pac-12 favorites .
They will be presented with a larger margin of error in many of those games .
The trick will be trying to play within an imaginary , smaller one .
“ Jalen Hill didn ’ t block out on a free throw , ” said Cronin , the only member of the Bruin family that spoke with the media afterward @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that happens , the basketball gods get you.
” Cronin was particularly miffed at back-to-back corner 3-pointers by Eugene Brown , an Ohio State freshman .
The second one gave the Buckeyes some separation , at 69-65 .
At that time UCLA had to run smart offense and maybe find a way to get 3-point production from Johnny Juzang or Jaime Jaquez or somebody , since the Bruins wound up missing nine of 13 from deep .
Instead Juzang missed two 3-pointers , Jaquez didn ’ t see much of the ball , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ himself , missing a layup and a 3-pointer in the midst of a 1-for-10 day .
UCLA had only two field goals from there to the end .
Those were a dunked rebound by Hill and a so-what bucket by Cody Riley that created the final score .
Zed Key , another Ohio State freshman , outmuscled UCLA inside for a hoop , but Ohio State didn ’ t have a field goal in its final 3:53 .
Key had 11 points and six rebounds in his 22 minutes .
He is 6-foot-8 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Island ( N.Y. ) Lutheran team that beat Sierra Canyon last season .
Such monolithic beings are not found on Pac-12 rosters , especially not coming off the bench .
But they exist in the East and the South and the Midwest , must be dealt with in March , or whenever the NCAA tournament happens .
“ When you ’ re down three or four or five , under three minutes , you have to get a great shot or get fouled , ” Cronin said .
“ We didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a couple of hard shots at crucial times .
You ’ re in a possession game at that point.
” Jaquez , Campbell and Chris Smith combined to miss 22 of 27 shots , and Smith , UCLA ’ s most credentialed player coming into the season , was either benched or hard to find in the telling moments .
This was part of the CBS Sports Classic doubleheader series that has brought together UCLA , Ohio State , North Carolina and Kentucky for several years .
Originally the Bruins were supposed to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ earlier in the week .
They probably would have beaten Kentucky the way North Carolina did ( 75-63 ) , but the Wildcats are 1-5 and unranked , and John Calipari appears to have picked up some unfinished products from the One-And-Done store .
UCLA would have felt better , temporarily , with such a win , but it wouldn ’ t have learned nearly as much .
What they learned was that they have about three months , pandemic permitting , to become 40-minute men .
It can happen , but who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s guess .

UCLA ventured into the land of the big biceps Saturday, the rib-cracking screens, the battles for every inch of hardwood.
It thought it was ready for that land last year, when it won 11 of its final 14 games and stormed into the NCAA’s theoretical brackets. In that scenario the Bruins might well have played Ohio State in a first-weekend game. The virus intervened, but they got their chance, in Cleveland, to show they belong in that league. They did that, but then they learned that belonging is not the same as winning.
UCLA led the 20th-ranked Buckeyes by five early in the second half, and the two were tied 63-63 with six minutes to go. Then the Bruins scored seven more points the rest of the way, missed seven of their final 10 shots, and lost 77-70.
It would have been their first win over a ranked, non-conference opponent since Steve Alford’s Bruins sent down seventh-ranked Kentucky, 83-75, on Dec. 23, 2017. But they didn’t lose because they weren’t good enough. They lost because they weren’t good enough long enough.
“It was a hell of a battle,” coach Mick Cronin said. “We played really well for a long period of time. The intensity was at a high level. In games like that you have to be the tougher team, and they were.”
UCLA displayed some fiber last week when it beat Marquette in Pauley Pavilion. But a long stretch of Pac-12 games, at least at this point, will not demand the same thing an NCAA tournament will.
Sports-Reference.com rates the Pac-12 eighth among conferences. Nobody in the league has a win over a Top 25 team. There is parity, sure, but the Bruins are clear Pac-12 favorites. They will be presented with a larger margin of error in many of those games. The trick will be trying to play within an imaginary, smaller one.
“Jalen Hill didn’t block out on a free throw,” said Cronin, the only member of the Bruin family that spoke with the media afterward on the postgame teleconference. “When that happens, the basketball gods get you.”
Cronin was particularly miffed at back-to-back corner 3-pointers by Eugene Brown, an Ohio State freshman. The second one gave the Buckeyes some separation, at 69-65. At that time UCLA had to run smart offense and maybe find a way to get 3-point production from Johnny Juzang or Jaime Jaquez or somebody, since the Bruins wound up missing nine of 13 from deep.
Instead Juzang missed two 3-pointers, Jaquez didn’t see much of the ball, and Tyger Campbell took too much upon himself, missing a layup and a 3-pointer in the midst of a 1-for-10 day. UCLA had only two field goals from there to the end. Those were a dunked rebound by Hill and a so-what bucket by Cody Riley that created the final score.
Zed Key, another Ohio State freshman, outmuscled UCLA inside for a hoop, but Ohio State didn’t have a field goal in its final 3:53. Key had 11 points and six rebounds in his 22 minutes. He is 6-foot-8 and 245 and played for the Long Island (N.Y.) Lutheran team that beat Sierra Canyon last season.
Such monolithic beings are not found on Pac-12 rosters, especially not coming off the bench. But they exist in the East and the South and the Midwest, must be dealt with in March, or whenever the NCAA tournament happens.
“When you’re down three or four or five, under three minutes, you have to get a great shot or get fouled,” Cronin said. “We didn’t work the extra passes. We missed a couple of hard shots at crucial times. You’re in a possession game at that point.”
Jaquez, Campbell and Chris Smith combined to miss 22 of 27 shots, and Smith, UCLA’s most credentialed player coming into the season, was either benched or hard to find in the telling moments.
This was part of the CBS Sports Classic doubleheader series that has brought together UCLA, Ohio State, North Carolina and Kentucky for several years. Originally the Bruins were supposed to play Kentucky, but that got shuffled earlier in the week. They probably would have beaten Kentucky the way North Carolina did (75-63), but the Wildcats are 1-5 and unranked, and John Calipari appears to have picked up some unfinished products from the One-And-Done store.
UCLA would have felt better, temporarily, with such a win, but it wouldn’t have learned nearly as much.
What they learned was that they have about three months, pandemic permitting, to become 40-minute men. It can happen,but who will teach them that is anybody’s guess.


mercurynews--2020-12-20--Champions! San Jose State beats Boise State, wins first Mountain West football title

When the final seconds of the Mountain West championship ticked away Saturday at Sam Body Stadium in Las Vegas , San Jose State ’ s ensuing celebration wasn ’ t just an exhibition of joy .
San Jose State held off Boise State ’ s late second-half push , winning 34-20 to claim the first Mountain West championship in program history .
As the Mountain West champions , San Jose State ( 7-0 ) will have a chance to pin a bow on its perfect season .
The Spartans will play Ball State in the Arizona Bowl at Arizona Stadium @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Eve .
Nick Starkel , a graduate transfer from Arkansas , threw for 453 yards and three touchdowns , and the defense held Boise State to 12 yards rushing and 233 yards total in a dominant display in front of a national TV audience .
For the Spartans , Saturday wasn ’ t just about the conference title .
It wasn ’ t just about defeating Boise State for the first time in 15 attempts .
It wasn ’ t just about winning the first conference title in nearly three decades .
San @ @ @ @ @ @ @ here .
Not after traveling more than 300 miles north to Humboldt State to practice in the middle of a semester to prepare for the season because of Santa Clara County COVID-19 restrictions .
Not after missing games in back-to-back weeks last month because of opponents ’ coronavirus issues .
Not after setting up its home base in Las Vegas the past two weeks because of more coronavirus orders .
Not after being picked to finish near the Mountain West ’ s cellar .
But , the Spartans , in defiance of logic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ State ( 5-2 ) , a team that was making its fourth consecutive appearance in the Mountain West championship game , it wasn ’ t easy .
Behind a stout defense and a quartet of field goals from Matt Mercurio , the Spartans had a double-digit lead late into the third quarter .
But the Broncos , being the experienced team that they are , didn ’ t bow out .
Avery Williams , the Mountain West special teams player of the year , returned a punt 69 yards to the house , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to 19-13 and triggering a heavy-weight back-and-forth between the two titans .
Starkel answered Williams ’ score , connecting with Isaiah Hamilton on a beautiful 30-yard touchdown .
After Starkel found Sam Olson on the two-point conversion , San Jose State led 27-13 .
On the following drive , Boise State quarterback Hank Bachmeier scrambled for a score of his own , cutting the deficit back to one touchdown .
But San Jose State soon delivered the final knockout .
Starkel found Derrick Deese Jr. on a beautifully-executed play action at the one-yard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ points with four minutes left , the nail in the coffin .
The Mountain West championship game was a microcosm of what San Jose State has done well all season .
• San Jose State football bowl projections : Where will the Spartans play ?
• San Jose State football : What to know before Mountain West championship vs. Boise State • Undefeated underdog : How San Jose State can beat Boise State , kings of the Mountain West Last year , San Jose State ’ s defense was among the conference ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Viliami Fehoko , Kyle Harmon and Co. have gotten a chance to grow up , and on Saturday , they showed why their defensive front is the Mountain West .
San Jose State held Boise State , which entered play leading the conference in points per game , to one offensive touchdown .
When the Spartans offense couldn ’ t score touchdowns in the red zone and settled for field goals , the defense came up with stop after stop During one stretch in the second quarter , San Jose State ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , then two consecutive three-and-outs .
Leading the charge was none other than Hall , the Mountain West defensive player of the year .
Hall had back-to-back sacks of Bachmeier in the first half .
The sequence was a bit of deja vu , for Hall sacked Nevada quarterback Carson Strong on two consecutive plays last weekend as well .

When the final seconds of the Mountain West championship ticked away Saturday at Sam Boyd Stadium in Las Vegas, San Jose State’s ensuing celebration wasn’t just an exhibition of joy.
It was catharsis.
San Jose State held off Boise State’s late second-half push, winning 34-20 to claim the first Mountain West championship in program history.
As the Mountain West champions, San Jose State (7-0) will have a chance to pin a bow on its perfect season. The Spartans are slotted to play Ball State in the Arizona Bowl at Arizona Stadium in Tucson on New Year’s Eve.
Nick Starkel, a graduate transfer from Arkansas, threw for 453 yards and three touchdowns, and the defense held Boise State to 12 yards rushing and 233 yards total in a dominant display in front of a national TV audience.
When the Spartans got back to their jubilant locker room, they cut loose with a rendition of Bill Withers’ classic, “Lean on Me.”
“That celebration was everything,” Starkel said. “It was the culmination of just this whole season. We sang ‘Lean on Me.’ That’s how this team fights. We lean on each other.”
San Jose State players celebrate after defeating Boise State in an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
(AP Photo/John Locher) San Jose State cornerback Nehemiah Shelton holds the trophy while celebrating with teammates after defeating Boise State in an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: San Jose State Spartans players celebrate with the championship trophy after defeating the Boise State Broncos 34-20 to win the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Quarterback Hank Bachmeier #19 of the Boise State Broncos gets rid of the ball as he is brought down by defensive end Viliami Fehoko #42 of the San Jose State Spartans in the second half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Spartans defeated the Broncos 34-20. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Quarterback Hank Bachmeier #19 of the Boise State Broncos is tackled on fourth down short of a first down by safety Tre Webb #3 of the San Jose State Spartans in the second half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Spartans defeated the Broncos 34-20. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
San Jose State tight end Sam Olson (88) celebrates after scoring a 2-point conversion against Boise State during the second half of an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Cornerback Nehemiah Shelton #23 of the San Jose State Spartans celebrates with the championship trophy after the team defeated the Boise State Broncos 34-20 to win the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Tight end Derrick Deese Jr. #87 of the San Jose State Spartans catches a 1-yard touchdown pass in the end zone against safety JL Skinner #0 and safety Evan Tyler #5 of the Boise State Broncos in the second half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Spartans defeated the Broncos 34-20. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
San Jose State head coach Brent Brennan speaks with players during the first half of an NCAA college football game against Boise State for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
(AP Photo/John Locher) San Jose State head coach Brent Brennan speaks with his players during the first half of an NCAA college football game against Boise State for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
San Jose State head coach Brent Brennan speaks with players during the first half of an NCAA college football game against Boise State for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
San Jose State defensive lineman Cade Hall (92) sacks Boise State quarterback Hank Bachmeier (19) during the first half of an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
Boise State quarterback Hank Bachmeier (19) throws against San Jose State defensive end Viliami Fehoko (42) during the first half of an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Head coach Brent Brennan San Jose State Spartans looks on in the first half of the Mountain West Football Championship against the Boise State Broncos at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
San Jose State wide receiver Bailey Gaither (84) runs against Boise State cornerback Avery Williams (26) during the first half of an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
(AP Photo/John Locher) San Jose State wide receiver Tre Walker (10) celebrates after scoring a touchdown against Boise State during the first half of an NCAA college football game for the Mountain West championship, Saturday, Dec. 19, 2020, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/John Locher)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Wide receiver Tre Walker #10 of the San Jose State Spartans reacts after missing a pass against in the first half of the Mountain West Football Championship against the Boise State Broncos at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Tight end Jackson Burrill #30 of the San Jose State Spartans reacts after making a tackle on a kickoff return against the Boise State Broncos in the first half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Wide receiver Tre Walker #10 of the San Jose State Spartans is tackled by linebacker Ezekiel Noa (L) #7 and cornerback Jalen Walker #2 of the Boise State Broncos in the first half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - DECEMBER 19: Safety JL Skinner #0 of the Boise State Broncos tackles tight end Sam Olson #88 of the San Jose State Spartans after a catch in the first half of the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on December 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
San Jose State's athletic department is facing more scrutiny, this time a wrongful termination suit by the former deputy athletics director. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
San Jose State Spartans Director of Athletics Marie Tuite (C) looks up as players, including quarterback Nick Starkel (L) #17 and defensive lineman Cade Hall #92, hold up the championship trophy after defeating the Boise State Broncos 34-20 to win the Mountain West Football Championship at Sam Boyd Stadium on Dec. 19, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada.
For the Spartans, Saturday wasn’t just about the conference title. It wasn’t just about defeating Boise State for the first time in 15 attempts. It wasn’t just about winning its first conference title in nearly three decades.
San Jose State probably shouldn’t have been here.
Not after traveling more than 300 miles north to Humboldt State to practice in the middle of a semester to prepare for the season because of Santa Clara County COVID-19 restrictions.
Not after missing games in back-to-back weeks last month because of opponents’ coronavirus issues.
Not after setting up its home base in Las Vegas the past two weeks because of more coronavirus orders.
Not after being picked to finish near the Mountain West’s cellar.
But, the Spartans, in defiance of logic, climbed the mountain.
“What a night for San Jose State University,” coach Brent Brennan said. “What a night for our players and our fans. It’s just been a beautiful journey. It’s been magical.”
Against Boise State (5-2), a team that was making its fourth consecutive appearance in the Mountain West championship game, it wasn’t easy.
Behind a stout defense and four field goals from Matt Mercurio, the Spartans had a double-digit lead late into the third quarter.
But the Broncos, being the experienced team that they are, didn’t bow out.
Avery Williams, the Mountain West special teams player of the year, returned a punt 69 yards to the house, cutting San Jose State’s lead to 19-13 and triggering a heavy-weight back-and-forth between the two titans.
Starkel answered Williams’ score, connecting with Isaiah Hamilton on a beautiful 30-yard touchdown. After Starkel found Sam Olson on the two-point conversion, San Jose State led 27-13.
On the following drive, Boise State quarterback Hank Bachmeier scrambled for a score of his own, cutting the deficit back to one touchdown.
But San Jose State soon delivered the final knockout. Starkel found Derrick Deese Jr. on a beautifully-executed play action at the one-yard line, putting the Spartans up 14 points with four minutes left, the nail in the coffin.
The Mountain West championship game was a microcosm of what San Jose State has done well all season.
Last year, San Jose State’s defense was among the conference’s worst. But Cade Hall, Viliami Fehoko, Kyle Harmon and Co. have gotten a chance to grow up, and on Saturday, they dominated.
San Jose State held Boise State, which entered play leading the conference in points per game, to one offensive touchdown. When the Spartans offense couldn’t score touchdowns in the red zone and settled for field goals, the defense came up with stop after stop.
“Our defense was lights out,” Brennan said. “I can’t get over our defense. I couldn’t be more proud of this football team.”
During one stretch in the second quarter, San Jose State’s defense forced a three-and-out, a turnover-on-downs, then two consecutive three-and-outs.
Leading the charge was none other than Hall, the Mountain West defensive player of the year.
Hall had back-to-back sacks of Bachmeier in the first half. The sequence was a bit of deja vu, for Hall sacked Nevada quarterback Carson Strong on two consecutive plays last weekend as well.
“We’ve been through more than any team in this conference,” Hall said. “We’ve had more adversity and more challenges that we’ve had to make it through. We knew that coming in. I think that’s what gave us an edge tonight.”
The Spartans have leaned on each other all season.
Now they are undefeated champions.