mercurynews--2020-09-06--Dear Abby: She knows I can hear her, but she persists in this annoying habit

DEAR ABBY : My mother , who is 80 years old , hums her own made-up tunes .
She has done it for as long as I can remember , but for the last few years , the frequency and intensity has increased .
She does wear a hearing aid in one ear and sees her audiologist regularly .
I have asked others , who say people with hearing problems often hum to fill the empty space caused by the hearing loss .
My problem is that her constant humming is so annoying it is negatively affecting my relationship with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the subject with her to be sure she ’ s aware that others can hear her , in case she was thinking they couldn ’ t .
• Dear Abby : I don ’ t know how to tell her about my second ‘ oops ’ baby • Dear Abby : I don ’ t want to die without having sex with a woman • Dear Abby : We think our neighbors are too old to be naked outside • Dear Abby : My husband calls me this vile name .
Now my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ • Dear Abby : I ’ m under pressure to accept this ill-mannered houseguest Mom said that once someone asked her if she was talking to herself , and she replied that she was singing to herself .
My personal opinion is that it may be a soothing mechanism for her when she feels awkward during a conversation .
She may feel that her humming replaces talking yet makes her feel included in the conversation .
I don ’ t want to cause hurt feelings or add to her discomfort .
She ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ come a long way in her confidence .
Advice ?
DEAR TUNING OUT : The first thing you should do is ask your mother to tune the humming down because it bothers you .
If she doesn ’ t , then discuss it with her audiologist .
If you don ’ t get the answers you need there , consult her physician .
What she ’ s doing may be common — or not .
But you need to get your questions answered by someone who knows your mother and is close enough @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I tried to help out a friend who had damage to her truck .
I took it upon myself without her knowledge to take pictures of her damaged truck .
I thought it would help her in getting estimates on her vehicle .
Her truck was parked outside her son ’ s residence , and he came out immediately when he saw me from his window .
I didn ’ t explain what I had done for reasons I would rather not say , but I planned to tell my co-worker at a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at work the next day , she was furious about what I had done , and it almost destroyed our friendship .
Was I wrong in doing her a favor , or out of line ?
Was it inappropriate ?
I didn ’ t want to jeopardize our friendship ; I was only trying to help .
Any suggestions ?
DEAR CONCERNED : I ’ m trying to understand why you didn ’ t volunteer to photograph the damage to your co-worker ’ s truck so she could get estimates on the cost @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the dark about why you wouldn ’ t explain what you were doing when her son came outside and , I assume , asked what you were doing .
Transparency would have been better than secrecy , and I hope you will carry this suggestion into the future .
DEAR ABBY : May I share four words that planted a positive seed in my heart ?
They are “ Make Gratitude Your Attitude.
” They are strong medicine I use in coping with my disabilities , and it works .
DEAR HINT : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ strong medicine.
” I agree it ’ s hard to think negatively while counting our blessings .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , CA 90069 .

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 80 years old, hums her own made-up tunes. She has done it for as long as I can remember, but for the last few years, the frequency and intensity has increased.
She does wear a hearing aid in one ear and sees her audiologist regularly. I have asked others, who say people with hearing problems often hum to fill the empty space caused by the hearing loss.
My problem is that her constant humming is so annoying it is negatively affecting my relationship with her. I have treaded lightly on the subject with her to be sure she’s aware that others can hear her, in case she was thinking they couldn’t.
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My personal opinion is that it may be a soothing mechanism for her when she feels awkward during a conversation. She may feel that her humming replaces talking yet makes her feel included in the conversation.
I don’t want to cause hurt feelings or add to her discomfort. She’s shy by nature, but has come a long way in her confidence. Advice?
TUNING OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TUNING OUT: The first thing you should do is ask your mother to tune the humming down because it bothers you. If she doesn’t, then discuss it with her audiologist. If you don’t get the answers you need there, consult her physician.
What she’s doing may be common — or not. But you need to get your questions answered by someone who knows your mother and is close enough to evaluate her.
DEAR ABBY: I tried to help out a friend who had damage to her truck. I took it upon myself without her knowledge to take pictures of her damaged truck. I thought it would help her in getting estimates on her vehicle.
Her truck was parked outside her son’s residence, and he came out immediately when he saw me from his window. I didn’t explain what I had done for reasons I would rather not say, but I planned to tell my co-worker at a later date.
When I saw her at work the next day, she was furious about what I had done, and it almost destroyed our friendship.
Was I wrong in doing her a favor, or out of line? Was it inappropriate? I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship; I was only trying to help. Any suggestions?
CONCERNED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONCERNED: I’m trying to understand why you didn’t volunteer to photograph the damage to your co-worker’s truck so she could get estimates on the cost of repairs. I am also in the dark about why you wouldn’t explain what you were doing when her son came outside and, I assume, asked what you were doing. Transparency would have been better than secrecy, and I hope you will carry this suggestion into the future.
DEAR ABBY: May I share four words that planted a positive seed in my heart? They are “Make Gratitude Your Attitude.” They are strong medicine I use in coping with my disabilities, and it works.
HINT FROM HILO, HAWAII
DEAR HINT: Thank you for wanting to share your “strong medicine.” I agree it’s hard to think negatively while counting our blessings.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


mercurynews--2020-09-06--SF Giants: Madison Bumgarner’s quiet return to San Francisco makes for a surreal scene

SAN FRANCISCO — The cardboard cutouts did not grow legs , so there was no standing ovation .
The piped-in crowd noise carried on at a steady hum , blissfully unaware one of the season ’ s most anticipated moments was taking place under its reverb .
The only noise at 6:15 p.m. Saturday in China Basin was the pop of Madison Bumgarner ’ s first fastball reaching the back of his batterymate ’ s mitt for strike one , the most audible of any of his 141 first pitches thrown at Oracle Park , even having lost a couple @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t Buster Posey on the receiving end of this one , Bumgarner ’ s first pitch ever delivered as a visitor at Oracle Park .
The lanky left-hander lasted four innings and allowed a pair of home runs in the Giants ’ 4-3 win over their former ace .
Moments earlier , Bumgarner had emerged from the visitor ’ s first-base dugout in a gray uniform emblazoned with ARIZONA across the front , the visual representation of the five-year , $ 85 million contract he signed with the Diamondbacks this offseason .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ side envisioned when they inked the deal in December .
Bumgarner has allowed 20 runs in 21 ⅓ innings this season following Saturday ’ s outing , while the Diamondbacks , in the NL West cellar , were baseball ’ s biggest sellers at the trade deadline .
Arizona has lost all five of Bumgarner ’ s starts this season .
Bumgarner didn ’ t let on any extra meaning to Saturday night , if there was any .
He sported his trademark stoicism throughout his four innings .
“ I try to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as you know , ” Bumgarner said .
“ I still feel like I would ’ ve done that if people were allowed to come to the games .
No doubt it would ’ ve been a little harder.
” Back in the ballpark where he gained so much glory , there was no escaping the troubles that have plagued Bumgarner ’ s first season in the desert .
Evan Longoria made sure the welcome on the field was no warmer than cardboard crowd ’ s on a 1-1 cutter that Bumgarner left @ @ @ @ @ @ @ turned on it and plopped the baseball just below the advertisements in the left-field bleachers .
To drive home the message , Darin Ruf followed by sending a dinger soaring over the center-field fence — San Francisco ’ s first back-to-back shots of the season .
Rookie catcher Joey Bart struck out against Bumgarner but later drove in one of two insurance runs in the sixth inning with his first career triple , immediately followed by another RBI triple by Mauricio Dubon .
Bart had once envisioned himself catching Bumgarner once he reached @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ It was weird .
It was a little uncomfortable , ” Bart said afterward .
“ I don ’ t know how to explain it .
I might have been a little amped up to face him.
” It was otherwise a quiet return to the mound for Bumgarner , who allowed the two runs and three hits , while striking out two and issuing a pair of walks , through four innings Saturday .
With Bumgarner making his first start since suffering from back spasms Aug. 9 , Diamondbacks manager Torey @ @ @ @ @ @ @ innings and 72 pitches .
In a normal season , Bumgarner likely would have already made his return , greeted by tens of thousands of fans packed tightly into a sold-out Oracle Park , attempting to recreate the energy from those championship seasons while paying tribute to a franchise icon .
His former teammates may have stopped by the visitor ’ s clubhouse or congregated with their contrasting jerseys on the warning track during batting practice .
None of that is allowed under pandemic-rules baseball .
There was one thing abundantly clear in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ season is anything but normal — and a long journey from that October night at Kaufmann Stadium in 2014 .
In the apex of an 11-year career in San Francisco , the lanky left-hander embraced his catcher on the mound in Kansas City after recording the final 15 outs of a dynasty ’ s third World Series title in five years .
On that night in October 2014 , Pablo Sandoval squeezed the last out in his glove and Buster Posey rushed toward the mound , where Brandon Crawford , Brandon Belt and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ top of each other .
Six years later , Sandoval , Belt and Crawford are the only remnants of that final World Series roster , and it was just Belt in the lineup Saturday night .
In two trips to the plate against Bumgarner , Belt drew a walk and grounded out softly .
Posey , for his part , opted out of the coronavirus-stricken 2020 season , meaning there was no reunion Saturday between the longtime batterymates .
Instead , Bumgarner fired his first strike Saturday night sailed past Giants outfielder Austin @ @ @ @ @ @ @ catcher Daulton Varsho .
Slater , a three-year teammate of Bumgarner ’ s in San Francisco , said he would try to treat it like any other at-bat , but he had to acknowledge the history .
“ I ’ ve talked hitting with him , ” Slater said before the game .
“ Obviously there ’ s a familiarity there.
” Soon thereafter , Bumgarner ’ s first pitch sailed past Slater , and a reunion that had taken a surreal turn took its place in this season ’ s strange , @ @ @ @ @ @

SAN FRANCISCO — The cardboard cutouts did not grow legs, so there was no standing ovation. The piped-in crowd noise carried on at a steady hum, blissfully unaware one of the season’s most anticipated moments was taking place under its reverb.
The only noise at 6:15 p.m. Saturday in China Basin was the pop of Madison Bumgarner’s first fastball reaching the back of his batterymate’s mitt for strike one, the most audible of any of his 141 first pitches thrown at Oracle Park, even having lost a couple miles an hour.
But it wasn’t Buster Posey on the receiving end of this one, Bumgarner’s first pitch ever delivered as a visitor at Oracle Park. The lanky left-hander lasted four innings and allowed a pair of home runs in the Giants’ 4-3 win over their former ace.
Moments earlier, Bumgarner had emerged from the visitor’s first-base dugout in a gray uniform emblazoned with ARIZONA across the front, the visual representation of the five-year, $85 million contract he signed with the Diamondbacks this offseason.
It has not been the season either side envisioned when they inked the deal in December.
Bumgarner has allowed 20 runs in 21 ⅓ innings this season following Saturday’s outing, while the Diamondbacks, in the NL West cellar, were baseball’s biggest sellers at the trade deadline. Arizona has lost all five of Bumgarner’s starts this season.
Bumgarner didn’t let on any extra meaning to Saturday night, if there was any. He sported his trademark stoicism throughout his four innings.
“I try to lose that (emotion) anyway, as you know,” Bumgarner said. “I still feel like I would’ve done that if people were allowed to come to the games. No doubt it would’ve been a little harder.”
Back in the ballpark where he gained so much glory, there was no escaping the troubles that have plagued Bumgarner’s first season in the desert.
Evan Longoria made sure the welcome on the field was no warmer than cardboard crowd’s on a 1-1 cutter that Bumgarner left middle-in in the second inning. Longoria turned on it and plopped the baseball just below the advertisements in the left-field bleachers. To drive home the message, Darin Ruf followed by sending a dinger soaring over the center-field fence — San Francisco’s first back-to-back shots of the season.
Rookie catcher Joey Bart struck out against Bumgarner but later drove in one of two insurance runs in the sixth inning with his first career triple, immediately followed by another RBI triple by Mauricio Dubon.
Bart had once envisioned himself catching Bumgarner once he reached the bigs — not facing him.
“It was weird. It was a little uncomfortable,” Bart said afterward. “I don’t know how to explain it. I might have been a little amped up to face him.”
It was otherwise a quiet return to the mound for Bumgarner, who allowed the two runs and three hits, while striking out two and issuing a pair of walks, through four innings Saturday. With Bumgarner making his first start since suffering from back spasms Aug. 9, Diamondbacks manager Torey Lovullo went to the bullpen after four innings and 72 pitches.
In a normal season, Bumgarner likely would have already made his return, greeted by tens of thousands of fans packed tightly into a sold-out Oracle Park, attempting to recreate the energy from those championship seasons while paying tribute to a franchise icon. His former teammates may have stopped by the visitor’s clubhouse or congregated with their contrasting jerseys on the warning track during batting practice.
None of that is allowed under pandemic-rules baseball.
There was one thing abundantly clear in Bumgarner’s not-so-triumphant return: this season is anything but normal — and a long journey from that October night at Kaufmann Stadium in 2014.
In the apex of an 11-year career in San Francisco, the lanky left-hander embraced his catcher on the mound in Kansas City after recording the final 15 outs of a dynasty’s third World Series title in five years.
On that night in October 2014, Pablo Sandoval squeezed the last out in his glove and Buster Posey rushed toward the mound, where Brandon Crawford, Brandon Belt and the rest of the roster piled on top of each other.
Six years later, Sandoval, Belt and Crawford are the only remnants of that final World Series roster, and it was just Belt in the lineup Saturday night. In two trips to the plate against Bumgarner, Belt drew a walk and grounded out softly.
Posey, for his part, opted out of the coronavirus-stricken 2020 season, meaning there was no reunion Saturday between the longtime batterymates.
Instead, Bumgarner fired his first strike Saturday night past Giants outfielder Austin Slater and into the glove of Diamondbacks catcher Daulton Varsho.
Slater, a three-year teammate of Bumgarner’s in San Francisco, said he would try to treat it like any other at-bat, but he had to acknowledge the history.
“I’ve talked hitting with him,” Slater said before the game. “Obviously there’s a familiarity there.”
Soon thereafter, Bumgarner’s first pitch sailed past Slater, and a reunion that had taken a surreal turn took its place in this season’s strange, but nonetheless official record books.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--A gender reveal sparked a wildfire in California that’s grown to 7,000 acres

As multiple wildfires burn in California , one of the fires was started during a gender-reveal party , officials said .
A “ smoke generating pyrotechnic device ” used at the party caused the El Dorado Fire in San Bernardino County , Cal Fire said in a press release .
The fire started Saturday at 10:23 a.m. at the El Dorado Ranch Park in Yucaipa and spread from the park north on to Yucaipa Ridge , according to the release .
It has since grown to 7,050 acres as of early Monday morning , the Cal Fire incident website shows @ @ @ @ @ @ @ communities of Oak Glen , Yucaipa Ridge , Mountain Home Village and Forest Falls .
An evacuation warning is in effect for the Yucaipa bench area and Yucaipa Community Center is being used as a temporary evacuation facility , according to Cal Fire .
• More than 2 million acres – a modern-day record – have burned in California so far in 2020 More than 500 personnel have been deployed to the fire , along with 60 engines and four helicopters , according to the website .
Overnight weather is expected to remain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of 20 % , San Bernardino National Forest said in it ’ s evening update on the fire .
Winds will also continue at three to five miles per hour with gust up to 10 miles per hour , resulting in “ active fire behavior throughout the night.
” No charges have been announced in the blaze .

The 7,050 acre-El Dorado wildfire above Yucaipa in San Bernardino County was caused by a pyrotechnic device used to generate smoke during a party, authorities said, as hundreds of firefighters battled the blaze Sunday with more record heat forecast for Southern California.
More than 3,000 residences were affected by the fire as of Saturday evening, Cal Fire spokeswoman Cathey Mattingly said. It consumed 3,010 acres by 10:30 a.m. Sunday and more than doubled in size by sunset. The massive blaze was 5% contained as of 7 p.m. and was being fought by 527 firefighters and other personnel.
The agency’s investigators looking into the cause of the fire did not immediately say what specific consequences the operator or operators of the pyrotechnic device — during a gender reveal party — may face. They said the fire started at 10:23 a.m. Saturday at El Dorado Ranch Park in Yucaipa.
“Cal Fire reminds the public that with the dry conditions and critical fire weather, it doesn’t take much to start a wildfire. Those responsible for starting fires due to negligence or illegal activity can be held financially and criminally responsible,” the agency said in a statement.
Also Sunday, Gov. Gavin Newsom issued a proclamation declaring a state of emergency for San Bernardino County due to the El Dorado fire — as well as for San Diego, Fresno, Madera and Mariposa counties for other fires. The proclamation notes that because of the magnitude of the fires, local governments will require “the combined forces of a mutual aid region or regions to appropriately respond.” The Governor’s Office of Emergency Services and other agencies will be assisting the local governments, the proclamation says.
No injuries were immediately reported tied to the El Dorado fire, though officials confirmed an outbuilding was destroyed.
The fire crested Yucaipa Ridge, above Oak Glen and the North Bench area of Yucaipa, and was burning on the ridge’s north slope, toward Mountain Home Village and Forest Falls, San Bernardino National Forest spokesman Zach Behrens said Sunday afternoon.
More than 550 firefighters and other personnel were at the scene Sunday, and crews on the ground were aided by aerial tankers and helicopters. Behrens said firefighters were protecting structures in communities and using water and retardant aerial drops to fight the fire.
On steep terrain, one of the main causes for the fire spread was rollouts, where fallen burning trees roll downhill and set vegetation ablaze, with the fire going back upslope, a dangerous situation for firefighters, Behrens said in a statement.
Three-hundred foot flame lengths were reported early Sunday morning. In the afternoon, the fire spread a pall of smoke and falling ash across a wide area of Inland Southern California, in addition to the oppressive heat.
New evacuations were ordered Sunday for the eastern edge of Yucaipa, and the San Bernardino National Forest increased closures to include the San Gorgonio Wilderness, with the exception of the Pacific Crest Trail. Late Sunday afternoon, Yucaipa widened the evacuation area again, to north of Yucaipa Blvd. and east of Bryant Street.
Evacuations and road closures ordered after the fire was reported remained in effect. The fire burned northeast, away from the city.
Communities already ordered to evacuate included part of Oak Glen, from Oak Glen Road to Wildwood Canyon Road, as well as all of Mountain Home Village and Forest Falls.
The blaze disrupted the traditional Labor Day weekend start of the apple harvest season in the Oak Glen area, where visitors come for orchards, fruit stands, cider mills, restaurants and shops along about 20 miles of Oak Glen Road.
“Holiday travelers, please stay out of the fire area,” Behrens said. Firefighting resources are in short supply because of fires throughout the state, he said. “We need to keep the firefighters we do have focused on firefighting and not on managing people.”
The El Dorado fire is west of where the Apple fire that started July 31 and burned for most of August and at last report had consumed more than 33,400 acres and destroyed four homes.
#EldoradoFire evacuation order map. Red Cross reception center at Yucaipa community center. pic.twitter.com/OdEf4RFKEF — Yucaipa Police (@YucaipaPD) September 7, 2020
Hills are dry
In Yucaipa, Jerome Winn evacuated his home and was staying Sunday in his in-laws’ RV.
“It’s really hot, but we’re supposed to get a little relief tomorrow,” said Winn, director of the Oak Glen Christian Conference Center. The RV, he added, “is not as comfortable as being in our own home.”
He had been checking on the conference center, and so far it was safe, he said. In the morning he saw firefighters laying containment lines with fire retardant by Parrish Pioneer Ranch on the northwest side of town.
Before this new incident, Winn said, he had still been seeing spot fires from July’s Apple fire from the southwest side of town.
“Those always make you nervous, too, because you have a spot fire, and if you get winds, it could spread,” he said.
He said the area hasn’t received any rain, which it usually does in late summer, so the hills are extra dry.
He noted this weekend was supposed to be the kick-off of apple season in the town.
“It’s a bummer for the community because the apple community really depends on the tourists,” Winn said. “This is really going to hurt them.”
The National Weather Service predicted a high Sunday near 112 for the Yucaipa area, with an east wind of 5 to 10 mph becoming north in the afternoon.
The agency warned that some areas of Southern California could be hotter than Saturday, when several high temperature records were broken. A red flag warning for fire danger and an excessive heart warning were in effect.
The South Coast Air Quality Management District issued a smoke advisory for the area through Sunday.
Along with the heat, firefighters faced a day of low humidity, with extremely dry brush in the fire area.
‘Can’t catch a break’
Oak Glen resident Doug Chudy was working on building fire lines Sunday morning.
Chudy is regional director of mountains preserves with the Wildlands Conservancy, which runs both a preserve in Oak Glen and a reserve on the other side of the ridge near Forest Falls, among others.
“We’re all kind of up on scene trying to make sure we don’t burn down,” he said. “We’ve been non-stop since it started.”
It’s been a long year for the Wildlands Conservancy’s Oak Glen Preserve which was hit by a snowstorm last Thanksgiving that downed many large trees.
“We just can’t catch a break this year,” Chudy said.
He is worried about the devastation from multiple fires.
“There’s not going to be any habitat left for the wildlife,” he said. “I mean there’s just nothing left up here.”
He is also concerned about future problems caused by the fires for both Oak Glen and Forest Falls.
“The big issue is going to be flooding,” he said. “It’s going to be a problem for both communities.”
An area of eastern Yucaipa was ordered evacuated Sunday, in the area of the intersection of Bryant and Carter Streets, the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department said.
Mandatory evacuation for all residents north of Carter St. East and west of Bryant. Please follow the directions and calmly leave the area. Evacuations remain in effect for Forst Falls, Forest Home and Oak Glen. — Yucaipa Police (@YucaipaPD) September 6, 2020
There was also a partial evacuation order for the North Bench Yucaipa area, extending east of Jefferson Street, north of Oak Glen Road, south of Yucaipa Ridge and west of Oak Glen, the San Bernardino National Forest said.
The American Red Cross set up an evacuation center at the Yucaipa Community Center, 34900 Oak Glen Road.
Closures
Highway 38 is closed for 12 miles, starting at Bryant Street in Yucaipa, to the community of Angelus Oaks. Oak Glen Road is closed between Pine Bench Road and Cherry Croft Drive.
Several area of the San Bernardino National Forest were closed because of the fire, including the San Gorgonio Wilderness, with the exception of the Pacific Crest Trail and trailheads at Vivian Creek, Momyer, and San Bernardino Peak.
The forest also closed the Santa Ana River Trail between Forest Road 1S14, near the forest boundary and Middle Control Road and the yellow-post camping sites in the Thomas Hunting Grounds.
Other closed trails include Big Falls, Oak Glen Divide, Wilson Creek ; picnic areas at Falls and Thurman Flats, and general areas including Yucaipa Ridge, the Mill Creek drainage and off-trail areas of the San Gorgonio Wilderness south of the San Bernardino Peak Divide Trail.
Also closed are Forest Roads 1N12, 1S12, 1S13 and 1S03.
Fire ends outing
Moreno Valley residents Jeanne and Edwin Sims and their two young children were at the nearby Los Rios Rancho apple farm, which was forced to close later Saturday afternoon.
As the family drove up the mountain toward the farm, they pointed out the window for their 3-year-old son toward burnt trees and brush, blackened by the Apple fire, which had burned more than 33,000 acres in July and August.
When the Sims family arrived at Los Rios Rancho about 9:45 a.m., the place smelled of burning apple wood as farm employees barbecued meat for sale. In the distance the Sims saw a thin column of smoke rising into the sky. Soon after, firetrucks, sirens blaring, began racing past the farm.
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Living with air pollution, especially from wildfires or agriculture, raises risk of dementia, US study finds Crashes and Disasters | Cadaver dogs are in Maui to help find the dead. Here’s how it works and why it’s difficult “We gotta put out that fire,” exclaimed the 3-year-old Edwin Sims, Jr., according to Jeanne Sims.
Over the next few hours, the skinny column grew into a large, dark mushroom-like cloud.
The large cloud loomed over the family as they picked apples and berries and hopped onto a tractor-trailer for a hayride.
At some points, Jeanne Sims said the smoke blocked the sun, giving temporary shade from the scorching heat. By the time the Sims family left about 11:45 a.m., the smell of apple wood barbecue gave way to the scent of the blaze that consumed hundreds of acres of nearby wildland.
Staff writers Eric Licas and Jonah Valdez contributed to this stor


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Mother warns of rip currents after daughter’s death in Santa Cruz County

“ I will see you tonight Ma – don ’ t worry I will be safe !
” Little did I know those would be the last words I would ever hear my 19-year-old daughter , Anushri Nair ( fondly known as Shuggie ) , utter or even the last time I saw her as a person .
I have relieved that moment every day wishing I had held her tighter or smelt her hair longer or even spoken to her longer if I had known what was to follow .
I now long for her phone calls asking if @ @ @ @ @ @ @ or tripping over her shoes in the hallway .
Coming from London she loved the freedom and gorgeous views in the Bay area and between schools she would find time to go visit the parks , hikes and water .
She loved being outdoors finding inspiration for her drawings or writing songs for her guitar or feeding the homeless… She wanted to venture out to Santa Cruz that Wednesday it would be her first and last time she would drive that far with her two friends .
She could not wait to appreciate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sight of time .
“ Wearing a watch stops you from creating memories “ I wish I saw life through her eyes even just one day .
It was exactly what she was doing when the wave took her into the ocean on July 1 at Panther Beach , sitting on the rock appreciating the view .
Both of her friends managed to get out and when one of them grasped her hand she was taken by a vicious rip current and never seen again .
Rip currents cut through lines of breaking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sea .
I knew something was wrong when she hadn ’ t made her curfew and sure enough there was that knock on our door .
It was the bang no parent would want to hear , my heart sunk and as I grasped at the door and sure enough there were two Alameda Sheriff ’ s deputies who came in and told us there had been an incident and the Santa Cruz Sheriff ’ s deputies wanted to speak to us via the telephone .
It was then we were connected to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ our daughter had fallen into the water and despite all efforts from the emergency services and coastguards they could not find our daughter and were ceasing all rescue efforts .
We were in shock and couldn ’ t process the information , I had to go to Santa Cruz .
We stayed in a hotel that night and were back at the station to go over the case — a last helicopter would go out at 7 a.m. and they would call us by 10 a.m. We left the station in a daze @ @ @ @ @ @ @ coming into the station to begin their shifts .
Everyone ’ s life continued as normal , however , ours had come to a standstill .
The deputies gave us the coordinates to our daughter ’ s car which was parked on Highway 1 by Panther Beach .
Despite our sorrow and shock , we could see why she had wanted to appreciate the view – it was beautiful with the natural waves of the Pacific Ocean , golden sand and the configurations of the rock made this the obvious choice for our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and I gasped as we both were able to picture her there .
The realization soon jolted us that these were the waves that had consumed our only child it was from that moment I realized no other family should go through this grief .
Despite the sorrow that we experience on a daily basis we have to accept our fate and learn to embrace our new reality .
However , I wanted to ensure that other families are aware of the dangers of these rip waves and the tragedies they can cause @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in Monterey and the only way I saw her again was in a black urn .
That was the only representation I had of my 19 year old daughter who had just passed her EMT exams ( NREMT ) and had her interviews lined up to begin her career in something she loved doing – helping people .
Shuggie was our only child and the absolute light of our life she consumed every part of our being .
She was such a spark and would make you feel like the most important person @ @ @ @ @ @ @ She came to love life and overcame her challenges with triumph and grace .
Her non-judgmental attitude and kind heart made her a natural magnet to people .
She would always use her energy to find the best in people .
“ Everyone has good Ma , you just have to give them an opportunity to show it , ” she would say .
As a family we want to continue her legacy to help the homeless but also would like to start a nonprofit in her name to get some signage at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to educate young people of the danger of the waters , especially when most people are enjoying the outdoors because of the COVID-19 restrictions .
It is also my hope that this article will bring some awareness and for fellow families to never forget our daughter ’ s name .
They say losing a child is one of the worst sorrows a parent can experience we can not disagree with that statement , our world has stopped moving and now we just exist .
However , the compassion and empathy we have been @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Alameda Sheriff ’ s deputy Chris Vancott who made the visit that dreaded night came by last week and presented a beautiful handmade bird feeder with personalized memorial panels .
This will definitely be used in the memorial garden we are planning on making .
• Labor Day : Which beaches are open around the Bay Area • Some Bay Area beaches will close for Labor Day .
Is it worth it ?
• 10 best U.S. beaches , from Florida to Hawaii Sutter Health Palo Alto/ San Carlos Radiology department have provided @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and to help us achieve our goals in honoring her life .
Stone Universe – San Lorenzo has planted trees in our daughter ’ s honor and provided us with continued emotional and flexible working support .
Our lives can not be reserved and nothing can bring back the light of our life but if this article can bring some awareness to another family , it would give us some peace in our healing and giving her name the exposure she deserved but never expected .
For more information on rip currents and @ @ @ @ @ @

By Prithi Nair
“I will see you tonight Ma – don’t worry I will be safe!”
Little did I know those would be the last words I would ever hear my 19-year-old daughter, Anushri Nair (fondly known as Shuggie), utter or even the last time I saw her as a person. I have relieved that moment every day wishing I had held her tighter or smelt her hair longer or even spoken to her longer if I had known what was to follow. I now long for her phone calls asking if she can stay later at her friends or tripping over her shoes in the hallway.
Coming from London she loved the freedom and gorgeous views in the Bay area and between schools she would find time to go visit the parks, hikes and water. She loved being outdoors finding inspiration for her drawings or writing songs for her guitar or feeding the homeless… She wanted to venture out to Santa Cruz that Wednesday it would be her first and last time she would drive that far with her two friends. She could not wait to appreciate the views from a rock and lose sight of time. “Wearing a watch stops you from creating memories “I wish I saw life through her eyes even just one day.
It was exactly what she was doing when the wave took her into the ocean on July 1 at Panther Beach, sitting on the rock appreciating the view. Both of her friends managed to get out and when one of them grasped her hand she was taken by a vicious rip current and never seen again. Rip currents cut through lines of breaking waves like a river running out to sea.
I knew something was wrong when she hadn’t made her curfew and sure enough there was that knock on our door. It was the bang no parent would want to hear, my heart sunk and as I grasped at the door and sure enough there were two Alameda Sheriff’s deputies who came in and told us there had been an incident and the Santa Cruz Sheriff’s deputies wanted to speak to us via the telephone.
It was then we were connected to Sgt. Jason Dunn who informed us our daughter had fallen into the water and despite all efforts from the emergency services and coastguards they could not find our daughter and were ceasing all rescue efforts. We were in shock and couldn’t process the information, I had to go to Santa Cruz. We stayed in a hotel that night and were back at the station to go over the case — a last helicopter would go out at 7 a.m. and they would call us by 10 a.m. We left the station in a daze as we saw the other uniformed officers coming into the station to begin their shifts.
Everyone’s life continued as normal, however, ours had come to a standstill. The deputies gave us the coordinates to our daughter’s car which was parked on Highway 1 by Panther Beach. Despite our sorrow and shock, we could see why she had wanted to appreciate the view – it was beautiful with the natural waves of the Pacific Ocean, golden sand and the configurations of the rock made this the obvious choice for our daughter.
In that moment my husband and I gasped as we both were able to picture her there. The realization soon jolted us that these were the waves that had consumed our only child it was from that moment I realized no other family should go through this grief. Despite the sorrow that we experience on a daily basis we have to accept our fate and learn to embrace our new reality. However, I wanted to ensure that other families are aware of the dangers of these rip waves and the tragedies they can cause.
They found her body days later in Monterey and the only way I saw her again was in a black urn. That was the only representation I had of my 19 year old daughter who had just passed her EMT exams ( NREMT) and had her interviews lined up to begin her career in something she loved doing – helping people.
Shuggie was our only child and the absolute light of our life she consumed every part of our being. She was such a spark and would make you feel like the most important person every time you interacted with her. She came to love life and overcame her challenges with triumph and grace. Her non-judgmental attitude and kind heart made her a natural magnet to people. She would always use her energy to find the best in people. “Everyone has good Ma, you just have to give them an opportunity to show it,” she would say.
As a family we want to continue her legacy to help the homeless but also would like to start a nonprofit in her name to get some signage at the beach and also provide a program to educate young people of the danger of the waters, especially when most people are enjoying the outdoors because of the COVID-19 restrictions. It is also my hope that this article will bring some awareness and for fellow families to never forget our daughter’s name.
They say losing a child is one of the worst sorrows a parent can experience we cannot disagree with that statement, our world has stopped moving and now we just exist. However, the compassion and empathy we have been surrounded by as been phenomenal.
The Alameda Sheriff’s deputy Chris Vancott who made the visit that dreaded night came by last week and presented a beautiful handmade bird feeder with personalized memorial panels. This will definitely be used in the memorial garden we are planning on making.
Related Articles Crashes and Disasters | Marin launches tri-county effort to reduce coastal pollution
Marin launches tri-county effort to reduce coastal pollution Crashes and Disasters | Sea lions return to ocean as toxic bloom that sickened California marine mammals fades
Sea lions return to ocean as toxic bloom that sickened California marine mammals fades Crashes and Disasters | How the soft-top surfboard went from ‘kook’ to cool
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Nantucket went topless this summer. The bylaw is working swimmingly, police say Crashes and Disasters | Americans are spotting more sharks in the water. Here’s why that’s a good thing Sutter Health Palo Alto/ San Carlos Radiology department have provided us with a monetary collection to honor and to help us achieve our goals in honoring her life. Stone Universe – San Lorenzo has planted trees in our daughter’s honor and provided us with continued emotional and flexible working support.
Our lives cannot be reserved and nothing can bring back the light of our life but if this article can bring some awareness to another family, it would give us some peace in our healing and giving her name the exposure she deserved but never expected.
For more information on rip currents and safety tips, visit oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/ripcurrent.html.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Video: Watch what Novak Djokovic did that got him defaulted at the U.S. Open

Novak Djokovic , the No .
1 men ’ s tennis player in the world and top seed at the @ @ @ @ @ on Sunday in the fourth round , sending shockwaves throughout the tennis world .
Djokovic @ @ @ @ @ first set against Spain ’ s Pablo Carreño Busta when after losing a point , @ @ @ @ @ behind him in anger that accidentily hit a line judge .
The line judge was @ @ @ @ @ required medical attention .
After a discussion with officials , Djokovic was defaulted , ending @ @ @ @ @ 18th major tournament .
Here are different video ’ s of the incident and what @ @ @ @ @ the default .
Djokovic took to Twitter and Instagram to apologize later .

Novak Djokovic, the No. 1 men’s tennis player in the world and top seed at the U.S Open, was defaulted on Sunday in the fourth round, sending shockwaves throughout the tennis world.
Top-seeded Novak Djokovic was defaulted from his fourth-round match at the #USOpen after he accidentally hit a line judge with a tennis ball Sunday. pic.twitter.com/TTstxZB2Jw — ESPN (@espn) September 6, 2020
Djokovic was trailing 5-6 in the first set against Spain’s Pablo Carreño Busta when after losing a point, Djokovic smacked a tennis ball behind him in anger that accidentily hit a line judge.
The line judge was hit in the throat and required medical attention. After a discussion with officials, Djokovic was defaulted, ending his chance to win his 18th major tournament. Here are different video’s of the incident and what social media is saying about the default.
Djokovic took to Twitter and Instagram to apologize later.
This whole situation has left me really sad and empty. I checked on the lines person and the tournament told me that thank God she is feeling ok. I‘m extremely sorry to have caused her such stress. So unintended. So… https://t.co/UL4hWEirWL — Novak Djokovic (@DjokerNole) September 6, 2020
First his shoulder and now this.@DjokerNole has accidentally hit a line judge. What will be the punishment?#USOpen pic.twitter.com/PO5mNVo3G6 — Tennis Channel (@TennisChannel) September 6, 2020
Here are my thoughts on the Novak Djokovic default. First I hope the line judge is okay. The rule is the rule. It is unfortunate for everyone involved, but in this specific situation the default was the right call. #USOpen — Billie Jean King (@BillieJeanKing) September 6, 2020
The moment that #1 Novak Djokovic knew that his #USOpen and his undefeated 2020 season were over. pic.twitter.com/uwd5fbXKb1 — Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) September 6, 2020
Should Novak Djokovic have been defaulted at the U.S. Open for hitting a ball in anger that accidentily hit a linesman? — Inside SoCal Sports 📰 (@InsideSoCalSpts) September 6, 2020
BREAKING: “Novak Djokovic, the No. 1 seed in the men’s draw, was disqualified from the U.S. Open after accidentally striking a lineswoman with a ball hit in frustration,” reports @nytimes pic.twitter.com/wsVDKBa0nY — David Begnaud (@DavidBegnaud) September 6, 2020
Wow. Novak Djokovic has been defaulted from the #USOpen after striking a lineswoman with a ball. pic.twitter.com/t1zX6lEFxK — Sacha Pisani (@Sachk0) September 6, 2020
I have to disagree. That is purely accidental, he isn’t looking. — S̶t̶e̶p̶h̶e̶n̶ Steven Anderson (@SDAUK) September 6, 2020
Not trying to downplay the overall moment ….it appears she was hurt….. but that was not a "hard" hit. You make it sound like he served it at her throat 100mph . Not what occurred. — Rome Van Lara (@RomeVanLara23) September 6, 2020
Absolutely right call to default @DjokerNole, no intent in his actions but rules are rules. Poor by @usopen to drag the decision out, clearly it was made early on but nerves of the situation set in. Also #novakdjokovic storming out of press and not saying sorry. Bad 2020 for him. — Jaime Tunstall (Stay at 🏠 🌈) (@jaimetunstall) September 6, 2020
Novak Djokovic has been defaulted from his US Open fourth-round match after unintentionally hitting a lineswomen with a ball hit in anger. There will be a first-time major champion on the men’s side. pic.twitter.com/2NhrxsBGbT — Bryan Armen Graham (@BryanAGraham) September 6, 2020
Novak Djokovic has been defaulted from the U.S. Open after hitting a line judge with a ball pic.twitter.com/ByKxKjXG28 — Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) September 6, 2020
Who would guessed, the first player to beat Djokovic in 2020 would be…Djokovic — Jon Wertheim (@jon_wertheim) September 6, 2020
"There's no way Novak Djokovic can possibly look any worse this year" Djokovic:pic.twitter.com/6tjtMLvP8R — Ardit Luciano (@Ardit_Luciano_) September 6, 2020
“after he accidentally hit a line judge with a tennis ball” Ridiculous decision! Stay strong @DjokerNole ! #usopen 🤦🏻♂ https://t.co/Dhmi3wqJNb — Bogdan Bogdanovic (@LeaderOfHorde) September 6, 2020
Novak Djokovic quite rightly booted from the @usopen for this pic.twitter.com/EI1DpLR3pn — Andrew Gourdie (@AndrewGourdie) September 6, 2020
Wow. Wow. No. 1 seed Novak Djokovic has been defaulted from the U.S. Open after hitting a ball in anger that then hit a lineswoman in the throat and she fell to the court. Djokovic plead his case, but those are the rules. — Ava Wallace (@avarwallace) September 6, 2020
And just like that, with #1 Novak Djokovic getting himself defaulted, we are guaranteed to have a new Grand Slam champion in men's tennis for the first time in six years.#USOpen — Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) September 6, 2020


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Horoscopes Sept. 7, 2020: Evan Rachel Wood, set the stage for new beginnings

Happy Birthday : Set the stage for new beginnings .
Learn from the past , and put an end to situations that hold you back .
Concentrate on gaining stability , happiness and the peace of mind you deserve .
Refuse to let anger take over or indulgent behavior stifle your ability to be productive .
Be receptive to unique solutions that will help you forge into new territory .
Your numbers are 6,10 , 17 , 26 , 28 , 35 , 43 .
ARIES ( March 21-April 19 ) : Stay on course .
Follow directions , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ charm lead the way and your knowledge and desire to help be your calling cards .
Talk is cheap if you don ’ t follow through and make things happen .
3 stars TAURUS ( April 20-May 20 ) : Put everything in place before you make a move .
Use unexpected situations to your advantage , and find a way to incorporate what you encounter into your plans .
A chance to get ahead looks promising .
Apply for or request what you want .
3 stars GEMINI ( May 21-June 20 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that will help lower debt .
Aim to reduce stress by doing what ’ s right and best for you .
Refuse to let anyone talk you into something you don ’ t need .
Keep your money matters to yourself .
3 stars CANCER ( June 21-July 22 ) : Take control of your life .
If you wait for someone to make the first move , you ’ ll become angry and resentful .
Don ’ t let someone from your past trick you into thinking he or she has changed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 22 ) : Make a change because it ’ s the right thing to do , not because someone pressures you .
Take responsibility for your actions and for the way you treat others .
Get your facts straight before passing information along .
Choose a healthy lifestyle .
2 stars VIRGO ( Aug. 23-Sept. 22 ) : Pick up information that will help you gain ground personally and professionally .
Knowledge is power , regardless of what stage of life you are juggling .
Understanding what ’ s going on around you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are the keys to happiness .
5 stars LIBRA ( Sept. 23-Oct. 22 ) : Speak up if you don ’ t like what you see .
Use your power of persuasion to convince others to do what ’ s right .
You can make a difference if you offer suggestions and solutions that provide incentives to do what ’ s best for everyone .
3 stars SCORPIO ( Oct. 23-Nov. 21 ) : You ’ ve got the right idea , and you can bring about positive change , but you also @ @ @ @ @ @ @ signs that might be harmful to your health .
Don ’ t argue with someone who is immovable .
Put your energy where it counts .
3 stars SAGITTARIUS ( Nov. 22-Dec. 21 ) : Take your health seriously .
Someone you least expect will lead you astray .
Verify information before you pass it along .
Be responsible for your actions and careful how you handle others .
Make peace , love and your physical well-being priorities .
3 stars CAPRICORN ( Dec. 22-Jan. 19 ) : The best way to bring @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dig in and do the work .
Share ideas and plans with someone you love , and you ’ ll get the backup you need to get things done fast and efficiently .
Avoid arguments .
5 stars AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18 ) : Think twice before you get into an emotional situation with someone who doesn ’ t share your beliefs or values .
Spend more time working on personal gains and growth .
Use your intelligence when it comes to money , contracts and health .
2 stars PISCES ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ways to make more money .
Information that can lead to a better position will lead to an offer if you reconnect with a colleague .
Don ’ t take chances when it comes to your health .
Follow the suggestions made by medical workers .
4 stars Birthday Baby : You are curious , open-minded and diligent .
You are charismatic and loyal .

CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS DAY: Evan Rachel Wood, 33; Shannon Elizabeth, 47; Toby Jones, 54; Michael Emerson, 66.
Happy Birthday: Set the stage for new beginnings. Learn from the past, and put an end to situations that hold you back. Concentrate on gaining stability, happiness and the peace of mind you deserve. Refuse to let anger take over or indulgent behavior stifle your ability to be productive. Be receptive to unique solutions that will help you forge into new territory. Your numbers are 6,10, 17, 26, 28, 35, 43.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Stay on course. Follow directions, and get along with others. Let your charm lead the way and your knowledge and desire to help be your calling cards. Talk is cheap if you don’t follow through and make things happen. 3 stars
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Put everything in place before you make a move. Use unexpected situations to your advantage, and find a way to incorporate what you encounter into your plans. A chance to get ahead looks promising. Apply for or request what you want. 3 stars
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Set a plan in motion that will help lower debt. Aim to reduce stress by doing what’s right and best for you. Refuse to let anyone talk you into something you don’t need. Keep your money matters to yourself. 3 stars
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Take control of your life. If you wait for someone to make the first move, you’ll become angry and resentful. Don’t let someone from your past trick you into thinking he or she has changed. 4 stars
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Make a change because it’s the right thing to do, not because someone pressures you. Take responsibility for your actions and for the way you treat others. Get your facts straight before passing information along. Choose a healthy lifestyle. 2 stars
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Pick up information that will help you gain ground personally and professionally. Knowledge is power, regardless of what stage of life you are juggling. Understanding what’s going on around you and how you can make things better are the keys to happiness. 5 stars
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Speak up if you don’t like what you see. Use your power of persuasion to convince others to do what’s right. You can make a difference if you offer suggestions and solutions that provide incentives to do what’s best for everyone. 3 stars
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You’ve got the right idea, and you can bring about positive change, but you also have to be careful not to ignore signs that might be harmful to your health. Don’t argue with someone who is immovable. Put your energy where it counts. 3 stars
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take your health seriously. Someone you least expect will lead you astray. Verify information before you pass it along. Be responsible for your actions and careful how you handle others. Make peace, love and your physical well-being priorities. 3 stars
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The best way to bring about positive changes at home is to dig in and do the work. Share ideas and plans with someone you love, and you’ll get the backup you need to get things done fast and efficiently. Avoid arguments. 5 stars
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Think twice before you get into an emotional situation with someone who doesn’t share your beliefs or values. Spend more time working on personal gains and growth. Use your intelligence when it comes to money, contracts and health. 2 stars
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Consider alternative ways to make more money. Information that can lead to a better position will lead to an offer if you reconnect with a colleague. Don’t take chances when it comes to your health. Follow the suggestions made by medical workers. 4 stars
Birthday Baby: You are curious, open-minded and diligent. You are charismatic and loyal.
Visit Eugenialast.com, or join Eugenia on Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn.


Bridge: Sept. 7, 2020

To start the week , try an opening-lead problem .
Look at the West cards and auction .
Pick a lead against four hearts .
First , analyze the auction .
Decide on a plan of defense .
North ’ s 2NT showed a good balanced hand with a spade stopper ; South has long hearts and a shapely hand .
Say you lead your deuce of spades : five , queen , eight .
East exits with a club , and South forces out your ace of trumps .
He ruffs your spade return , draws trumps and loses @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a trump left and can claim the rest .
Since West has four trumps , a “ forcing game ” may work : making declarer ruff so that he runs out of trumps and loses control .
Since the bidding marks South with spade shortness , West ’ s opening lead should be the jack of spades .
Then the defense can force South to ruff a spade at Trick Two .
When West takes the second trump , he forces again .
South must spend all his trumps to draw trumps , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ diamonds , he has a spade to cash .
You hold : S K 7 5 H 9 5 D A Q 10 6 2 C K Q 10 .
Your partner opens one club , you respond one diamond and he rebids two clubs .
What do you say ?
ANSWER : Slam is possible — your partner could hold 2 , A 6 4 , K 9 3 , A J 9 6 5 2 — and a forcing jump to four clubs might initiate a cue-bidding sequence to slam .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ two spades .
If he has a hand such as A 2 , K J 7 , 8 7 , A J 9 6 5 2 , you would prefer to stop at 3NT .

To start the week, try an opening-lead problem. Look at the West cards and auction. Pick a lead against four hearts. First, analyze the auction. Decide on a plan of defense.
North’s 2NT showed a good balanced hand with a spade stopper; South has long hearts and a shapely hand.
Say you lead your deuce of spades: five, queen, eight. East exits with a club, and South forces out your ace of trumps. He ruffs your spade return, draws trumps and loses a diamond finesse. He still has a trump left and can claim the rest.
CONTROL
Since West has four trumps, a “forcing game” may work: making declarer ruff so that he runs out of trumps and loses control. Since the bidding marks South with spade shortness, West’s opening lead should be the jack of spades.
Then the defense can force South to ruff a spade at Trick Two. When West takes the second trump, he forces again. South must spend all his trumps to draw trumps, and when East takes the king of diamonds, he has a spade to cash.
DAILY QUESTION
You hold: S K 7 5 H 9 5 D A Q 10 6 2 C K Q 10. Your partner opens one club, you respond one diamond and he rebids two clubs. What do you say?
ANSWER: Slam is possible — your partner could hold 2, A 6 4, K 9 3, A J 9 6 5 2 — and a forcing jump to four clubs might initiate a cue-bidding sequence to slam. An option is a temporizing bid of two spades. If he has a hand such as A 2, K J 7, 8 7, A J 9 6 5 2, you would prefer to stop at 3NT.
North dealer
Both sides vulnerable
NORTH
S K 7 5
H 9 5
D A Q 10 6 2
C K Q 10
WEST
S J 9 4 2
H A 8 4 2
D 7 4 3
C 6 5
EAST
S A Q 10 6 3
H 3
D K 8
C J 7 4 3 2
SOUTH
S 8
H K Q J 10 7 6
D J 9 5
C A 9 8
North East South West
1 D 1 S 2 H 2 S
2 NT Pass 4 H All Pass
Opening lead — Choose it
(C)2020 TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Word Game: Sept. 7, 2020

Word Game: Sept. 7, 2020

TODAY ’ S WORD — VALANCE ( VALANCE : VAL-ens : A short drapery hung across the top of a @ @ @ @ @ find 20 or more words in VALANCE ?
The list will be published tomorrow .
@ @ @ @ @ book , visit WordGameBooks.com .
Order it now for just $ 5 while supplies last @ @ @ @ @ be of four or more letters .
2 .
Words that acquire four letters by @ @ @ @ @ , ” such as “ bats ” or “ dies , ” are not allowed @ @ @ @ @ made by adding a “ d ” or an “ s ” may not be @ @ @ @ @ if “ bake ” is used , “ baked ” or “ bakes ” are @ @ @ @ @ bake ” and “ baking ” are admissible .
4 .
Proper nouns , slang @ @ @ @ @ sexually explicit words are not allowed .

TODAY’S WORD — VALANCE (VALANCE: VAL-ens: A short drapery hung across the top of a window.)
Average mark 16 words
Time limit 30 minutes
Can you find 20 or more words in VALANCE? The list will be published tomorrow.
SATURDAY’S WORD — GRAPNEL gale gape gaper gear glare glean glen gnar
gnarl grape rage rale rang range real reap regal regnal renal ager angel anger
angle angler aper page pager pale paler panel pang pare peal pear pearl penal
plan plane planer plea nape neap near earl earn elan lager lane large lean leap
learn
To purchase the Word Game book, visit WordGameBooks.com. Order it now for just $5 while supplies last!
RULES OF THE GAME:
1. Words must be of four or more letters.
2. Words that acquire four letters by the addition of “s,” such as “bats” or “dies,” are not allowed.
3. Additional words made by adding a “d” or an “s” may not be used. For example, if “bake” is used, “baked” or “bakes” are not allowed, but “bake” and “baking” are admissible.
4. Proper nouns, slang words, or vulgar or sexually explicit words are not allowed.
Contact Word Game creator Kathleen Saxe at kzsaxe@gmail.com.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Ask Amy: What does a modern women think about these movies?

Dear Amy : As a man , I have always been intrigued by how women ’ s emotions and reactions differ from men ’ s .
I believe the psychologies of both sexes play equal roles in the wonderful dynamism that makes the world go ’ round .
In the context of the women ’ s movement that has been occurring over the last several decades , I often wonder how contemporary women respond to so-called stereotypical female behavior as often portrayed in movies and TV dramas .
When a woman bursts into tears , can ’ t make up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ man , etc.
, does a contemporary woman say , “ Come on , girl , buck up !
Get a hold of yourself !
” Or does she say , “ Gee , I can see why she feels that way .
I ’ d probably react the same way.
” Dear R : It is important to remember that most earlier media was created by men , and so the distance between Alice on “ The Honeymooners ” and the female characters realized by Shonda Rhimes or Phoebe Waller-Bridge shows what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ experience have come .
• Ask Amy : My boyfriend ’ s son likes me — maybe too much ?
• Ask Amy : I want to hike alone , and she ’ s not going to be happy about it • Ask Amy : Did he think he could get away with it because of his mask ?
• Ask Amy : How do I make them see how toxic they are ?
• Ask Amy : This secret ripped our family apart and destroyed an old woman ’ s life So @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the “ buck up !
” category , but I believe that most of us ( women and men ) experience our emotional lives along a wide spectrum .
Dear Amy : My mom drinks .
When my brothers and I were young ( we are all in our 20s now ) , her drinking wasn ’ t too bad .
It got much worse after her mother died 15 years ago , and steadily worse with COVID-19 .
She is also a heavy cigarette smoker .
When she is drunk , she @ @ @ @ @ @ @ physically abusive .
She tells me that I am a worthless person , stupid , and that no one will ever love me .
I tell her that this hurts me — and she laughs .
I try to walk away , but she will corner me .
She goes after my brother and dad as well ( our younger brother lives in another state ) .
My dad does nothing about this , which is understandable .
My older brother lives with them full time .
He just laughs it off and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t know what to do .
I moved back home a few months ago to help out .
I am at my wits ’ end .
She is making me dislike her , and now I am also afraid of her .
I don ’ t want to feel this way about her .
She is my mom .
I want to help her .
Dear Scared : You might assume that your father is doing his best to keep his head down and stay out of the line of fire @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be abused and 2. to have a parent try to protect you .
I assume that you are absorbing some of the drunken abuse that your father and brother endured before your arrival .
Realistically , you can not force your mother toward recovery , but you can attempt to confront her with the grave impact her drinking has on you .
Write down your thoughts .
Be specific and honest in describing the impact on you ( “ I want to try to help you , but I ’ m afraid of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in you and in myself .
I need to protect myself from your rages.
” ) .
Some people report success by recording or filming the other person ’ s behavior and then confronting them with the evidence .
However , you should not set out to shame your mother , but to allow her to simply see herself .
A 12-step recovery program might work for her ; she should also see her physician for medical treatment options .
You should also look for other housing .
You have a duty to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yourself .
Al-anon or another “ friends and family ” support group would be a game-changer for you and your family .
Dear Amy : I met a man nearly two years ago .
We have been living together for over a year ( in his house ) .
I just found out that he has an STD and has been using multiple dating websites since the beginning of our relationship .
He asks me to move out of his house every time we argue .
But then he insists that he loves @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sorry afterward .
I used to love and trust him , but now I am not so sure this relationship can be saved .
Do you have any suggestions — before I move out and leave him once and for all ?
Can this relationship be saved ?
Dear Wondering : Nope , you ’ re good .
Pack your stuff , make sure you get tested — and enjoy your new life .
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy @ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy , P.O .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook .

Dear Amy: As a man, I have always been intrigued by how women’s emotions and reactions differ from men’s. I believe the psychologies of both sexes play equal roles in the wonderful dynamism that makes the world go ’round.
In the context of the women’s movement that has been occurring over the last several decades, I often wonder how contemporary women respond to so-called stereotypical female behavior as often portrayed in movies and TV dramas.
When a woman bursts into tears, can’t make up her mind, succumbs to a sweet-talking man, etc., does a contemporary woman say, “Come on, girl, buck up! Get a hold of yourself!” Or does she say, “Gee, I can see why she feels that way. I’d probably react the same way.”
R
Dear R: It is important to remember that most earlier media was created by men, and so the distance between Alice on “The Honeymooners” and the female characters realized by Shonda Rhimes or Phoebe Waller-Bridge shows what a long way depictions of the female experience have come.
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Dear Amy: My mom drinks. When my brothers and I were young (we are all in our 20s now), her drinking wasn’t too bad. It got much worse after her mother died 15 years ago, and steadily worse with COVID-19. She is also a heavy cigarette smoker.
When she is drunk, she becomes very verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive.
She tells me that I am a worthless person, stupid, and that no one will ever love me. I tell her that this hurts me — and she laughs.
I try to walk away, but she will corner me. She goes after my brother and dad as well (our younger brother lives in another state).
My dad does nothing about this, which is understandable. My older brother lives with them full time. He just laughs it off and does not confront the problem.
I don’t know what to do. I moved back home a few months ago to help out.
I am at my wits’ end. She is making me dislike her, and now I am also afraid of her. I don’t want to feel this way about her. She is my mom. I want to help her.
Scared of Mom
Dear Scared: You might assume that your father is doing his best to keep his head down and stay out of the line of fire, but you deserve 1. not to be abused and 2. to have a parent try to protect you. I assume that you are absorbing some of the drunken abuse that your father and brother endured before your arrival.
Realistically, you cannot force your mother toward recovery, but you can attempt to confront her with the grave impact her drinking has on you.
Write down your thoughts. Be specific and honest in describing the impact on you (“I want to try to help you, but I’m afraid of you. I’m losing confidence in you and in myself. I need to protect myself from your rages.”).
Some people report success by recording or filming the other person’s behavior and then confronting them with the evidence. However, you should not set out to shame your mother, but to allow her to simply see herself. A 12-step recovery program might work for her; she should also see her physician for medical treatment options.
You should also look for other housing. You have a duty to take care of yourself and to protect yourself. Al-anon or another “friends and family” support group would be a game-changer for you and your family.
Dear Amy: I met a man nearly two years ago. We have been living together for over a year (in his house).
I just found out that he has an STD and has been using multiple dating websites since the beginning of our relationship.
He asks me to move out of his house every time we argue. But then he insists that he loves me. He always says he is sorry afterward.
I used to love and trust him, but now I am not so sure this relationship can be saved.
Do you have any suggestions — before I move out and leave him once and for all? Can this relationship be saved?
Wondering
Dear Wondering: Nope, you’re good. Pack your stuff, make sure you get tested — and enjoy your new life.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Harriette Cole: She thought it would be fine to invite 20 people

DEAR HARRIETTE : I have been enjoying a bit of socializing this summer — at a distance — with people in my beach community .
We have had two couples over for dinner , and we all made sure that we were never too close to each other , especially when we were eating , since we had our masks off .
The other day , my friend said she wanted to host an event that is slightly larger to end the summer .
Since it would be right after Labor Day , she thought it would be all right @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
I ’ m so nervous about this .
Even though I know the people , I worry that bringing that many people together could be dangerous .
How should I handle this ?
DEAR SOCIAL DISTANCING : Trust your gut .
If you feel that the group in question may be too large , pare it down a bit .
Talk to your friend about your concerns , and discuss a compromise or other ways to configure the event .
For example , can everything be done outside ?
Perhaps you can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that nobody has to touch things twice .
Space out seating so that people are at least 6 feet apart .
Place hand sanitizer in clear view .
Put wipes in the bathroom , and instruct guests to wipe down the sink and seat with each use .
• Harriette Cole : My best friend acts like she ’ s my kid • Harriette Cole : Her birthday gift to me was cheap and thoughtless • Harriette Cole : I feel evil for saying these things about my neighbor , but I ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ twin switched colleges at the last minute , and I ’ m panicking • Harriette Cole : I ’ m the boss ’ son , and I want them to stop whispering about me If you can remain vigilant throughout the party , you may be able to host an ode to summer safely — even if it is smaller than the original vision .
DEAR HARRIETTE : My daughter is so nervous about starting school that she has developed hives .
She is normally a late sleeper , but recently she has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ night freaked out because her face , neck and arms are covered with hives .
I have applied calamine lotion to her skin and sat and rocked her like I did when she was a baby , but it takes hours for them to die down .
I haven ’ t wanted to disturb her doctor since this is not a dire emergency , but I ’ m at my wit ’ s end .
What should I do ?
DEAR HIVES : Call your daughter ’ s pediatrician immediately and describe what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ there is likely a topical or internal medication that can be prescribed to neutralize them .
Beyond that , have your daughter talk to the doctor and explain what ’ s going on .
Is she having nightmares ?
What is inhabiting her thoughts ?
What are her concerns about school ?
As you listen , think about what you can do to support her .
Has her school determined whether it will have remote learning or a hybrid ?
What do you feel comfortable with ?
Listen as intently as you can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to calm your daughter and plan for the school year .
This is a time of tremendous uncertainty .
Be honest about what you don ’ t know , but also reinforce that you will do all in your power to protect her .
Her doctor may want her to speak with a mental health specialist to help her navigate her feelings .
Support whatever recommendation the pediatrician has as you begin this new chapter .
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS , an initiative to help people access and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ questions to askharriette @ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been enjoying a bit of socializing this summer — at a distance — with people in my beach community. We have had two couples over for dinner, and we all made sure that we were never too close to each other, especially when we were eating, since we had our masks off.
The other day, my friend said she wanted to host an event that is slightly larger to end the summer. Since it would be right after Labor Day, she thought it would be all right to have more people — like 20.
I’m so nervous about this. Even though I know the people, I worry that bringing that many people together could be dangerous. How should I handle this?
Social Distancing
DEAR SOCIAL DISTANCING: Trust your gut. If you feel that the group in question may be too large, pare it down a bit. Talk to your friend about your concerns, and discuss a compromise or other ways to configure the event.
For example, can everything be done outside? Perhaps you can serve individual-size drinks and food items so that nobody has to touch things twice. Space out seating so that people are at least 6 feet apart. Place hand sanitizer in clear view. Put wipes in the bathroom, and instruct guests to wipe down the sink and seat with each use.
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Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend Advice | Harriette Cole: I’ve worked hard, and my poor siblings resent my success If you can remain vigilant throughout the party, you may be able to host an ode to summer safely — even if it is smaller than the original vision.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is so nervous about starting school that she has developed hives. She is normally a late sleeper, but recently she has been waking in the middle of the night freaked out because her face, neck and arms are covered with hives. I have applied calamine lotion to her skin and sat and rocked her like I did when she was a baby, but it takes hours for them to die down. I haven’t wanted to disturb her doctor since this is not a dire emergency, but I’m at my wit’s end. What should I do?
Hives
DEAR HIVES: Call your daughter’s pediatrician immediately and describe what is happening. For the hives, there is likely a topical or internal medication that can be prescribed to neutralize them.
Beyond that, have your daughter talk to the doctor and explain what’s going on. Is she having nightmares? What is inhabiting her thoughts? What are her concerns about school? As you listen, think about what you can do to support her. Has her school determined whether it will have remote learning or a hybrid? What do you feel comfortable with? Listen as intently as you can so that you can determine how best to calm your daughter and plan for the school year. This is a time of tremendous uncertainty. Be honest about what you don’t know, but also reinforce that you will do all in your power to protect her.
Her doctor may want her to speak with a mental health specialist to help her navigate her feelings. Support whatever recommendation the pediatrician has as you begin this new chapter.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Miss Manners: If you’re upset about the white shoe rule, wait until you hear the wristwatch rule

GENTLE READERS : Labor Day , for Miss Manners , comes with the laborious task of facing indignant messages from those who object to this holiday ’ s also marking the end of the white-shoe season .
Why they get so worked up bewilders her .
It doesn ’ t seem to make any impression that she keeps suggesting that anyone who wants to break a rule should find one that is more fun to break .
Concluding that there is no use trying to placate these emotional objectors , Miss Manners has decided to go in the opposite direction @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : • Straw hats should not be worn before Easter nor after Labor Day .
• Velvet should only be worn between Oct. 1 and March 1 .
• Fur should not be worn from March through September , and spotted furs should not be worn after dark .
• Diamonds , rubies , emeralds and sapphires should not be worn before dark , the only exception being those that are set in engagement or wedding rings .
• Drop earrings should not be worn during the day .
• Ropes of pearls @ @ @ @ @ @ @ • Watches should not be seen at evening social events , which is to say that a concealed watch is permissible , but an open one , such as a wristwatch , is not .
• Jewelry should never be worn on top of gloves , unless you are royalty — in which case it is still wrong , but you can get away with it because , despite the tabloid news , people think that everything royalty does must be correct .
There are more such rules , even some for gentlemen @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from saying , “ How do you like them apples ?
” and entertain the inevitable questions : A : These edicts represent the consensus of what those who cared followed , back when anybody even knew there were such rules .
Q : Who ’ s going to make me ?
A : Nobody .
So why are you so upset about it ?
Q : Does anyone still actually follow these silly rules ?
Q : Why ?
They don ’ t make any sense .
DEAR MISS MANNERS : How @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , well-intentioned gift ?
I have had some ophthalmic surgeries and other procedures , which thankfully seem to be helping restore my vision at this time .
A very thoughtful , caring friend gave me a gift certificate for an acupuncture treatment that she believes would help with my recovery .
How can I gently tell her that there is no way I would allow any more needles to be applied to me unless my M.D .
was doing the procedure ?
GENTLE READER : Ah , not so thoughtful .
Prescribing medical @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a license , is not Miss Manners ’ idea of a well-intentioned present .
If your friend were ill , would you give her a bottle of medicine for her birthday ?
But yes , you should be polite about it .
Unfortunately , it is not the sort of present you can stash away , as you will probably be asked about its effect .
Nor , heaven forbid , should you regift it .
You will have to tell your friend that while you appreciate her concern , you are getting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ supplementing this by seeking outside treatments .
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website , www.missmanners.com ; to her email , dearmissmanners @ gmail.com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners , Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

GENTLE READERS: Labor Day, for Miss Manners, comes with the laborious task of facing indignant messages from those who object to this holiday’s also marking the end of the white-shoe season.
Why they get so worked up bewilders her. It doesn’t seem to make any impression that she keeps suggesting that anyone who wants to break a rule should find one that is more fun to break.
Concluding that there is no use trying to placate these emotional objectors, Miss Manners has decided to go in the opposite direction by citing other rules they will hate:
Straw hats should not be worn before Easter nor after Labor Day.
Velvet should only be worn between Oct. 1 and March 1.
Fur should not be worn from March through September, and spotted furs should not be worn after dark.
Diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires should not be worn before dark, the only exception being those that are set in engagement or wedding rings.
Drop earrings should not be worn during the day.
Ropes of pearls should be worn in odd numbers.
Watches should not be seen at evening social events, which is to say that a concealed watch is permissible, but an open one, such as a wristwatch, is not.
Jewelry should never be worn on top of gloves, unless you are royalty — in which case it is still wrong, but you can get away with it because, despite the tabloid news, people think that everything royalty does must be correct.
There are more such rules, even some for gentlemen, but Miss Manners will now refrain from saying, “How do you like them apples?” and entertain the inevitable questions:
Q: Sez who?
A: These edicts represent the consensus of what those who cared followed, back when anybody even knew there were such rules.
Q: Who’s going to make me?
A: Nobody. So why are you so upset about it?
Q: Does anyone still actually follow these silly rules?
A: Miss Manners does.
Q: Why? They don’t make any sense.
A: Exactly.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely return a very thoughtful, well-intentioned gift?
I have had some ophthalmic surgeries and other procedures, which thankfully seem to be helping restore my vision at this time. A very thoughtful, caring friend gave me a gift certificate for an acupuncture treatment that she believes would help with my recovery.
How can I gently tell her that there is no way I would allow any more needles to be applied to me unless my M.D. was doing the procedure?
GENTLE READER: Ah, not so thoughtful. Prescribing medical treatment without permission, let alone without a license, is not Miss Manners’ idea of a well-intentioned present. If your friend were ill, would you give her a bottle of medicine for her birthday?
But yes, you should be polite about it. Unfortunately, it is not the sort of present you can stash away, as you will probably be asked about its effect. Nor, heaven forbid, should you regift it. You will have to tell your friend that while you appreciate her concern, you are getting professional medical care and will not be supplementing this by seeking outside treatments.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-09-07--Dear Abby: Can I cut the waitress’s tip because she snubbed me on the street?

DEAR ABBY : I ’ m a man living in a small town , and I frequent a local cafe for breakfast .
The waitress who serves me each morning , “ Rita , ” does a terrific job , and all of my needs are met .
In turn , I leave her a generous tip .
Abby , despite exchanging small talk during coffee refills , Rita snubs me when our paths cross outside the diner .
She will look directly at me , turn her head and offer no greeting .
I ’ m not seeking a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I always sit alone and enjoy reading my newspaper while I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee .
It just bothers me that she won ’ t offer a simple , civil greeting outside the diner .
Would I be justified in reducing the amount of the tip because of her behavior ?
• Dear Abby : She knows I can hear her , but she persists in this annoying habit • Dear Abby : I don ’ t know how to tell her about my second ‘ oops ’ baby @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t want to die without having sex with a woman • Dear Abby : We think our neighbors are too old to be naked outside • Dear Abby : My husband calls me this vile name .
Now my kid is doing it , too .
DEAR PATRON : Have you tried speaking up and saying hello to her ?
I don ’ t know Rita .
She may be unfriendly or prefer to draw a firm line between her professional life and her personal one .
You stated that you tip her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gives you .
If that ’ s true , I don ’ t think she should be punished for keeping her distance when she ’ s not at the restaurant .
DEAR ABBY : For the past eight years , my son has been seeing “ Tanya ” and , according to him , she spends a lot .
I ’ m concerned about it .
Because of the pandemic , Tanya got furloughed from her employer .
She lives in an apartment but has all deliveries sent to our home address .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ many more packages for her every day from online stores .
Our son has mentioned to us that she has huge credit card bills .
I ’ m worried if these two get more serious ( marriage ) , it will cause problems in the future .
I ’ m tempted to say something to Tanya about the sudden increase in deliveries .
Or should I keep quiet ?
We tell our son , but he always has no comment .
Some days it ’ s like Christmas Day for packages .
DEAR @ @ @ @ @ @ @ adults .
If anyone addresses her spending , it should be your son .
I don ’ t advise saying anything to Tanya because it ’ s sure to be resented and could possibly cause a rift between you and your son .
Talk to him one more time and explain your concern that his girlfriend is showing symptoms of being a spendaholic .
But after that , drop it because the problem will be his , not yours , to solve .
DEAR ABBY : My husband plays a video golf game @ @ @ @ @ @ @ TV together .
If I ask him an occasional question or want to show him something , he says I am interrupting him and I need to wait until he takes his golf shot .
It ’ s very frustrating to always be put on hold when we are together .
I think communication is more important than a game .
I ’ m tired of always having to wait , so I just say , “ Never mind.
” Any suggestions ?
OUT OF THE GAME DEAR OUT : Just saying “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your message across .
The next time it happens , tell your husband how you feel about coming in second place behind his toy , because you don ’ t “ interrupt ” often and you are more important than his video golf game .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , CA 90069 .

DEAR ABBY: I’m a man living in a small town, and I frequent a local cafe for breakfast. The waitress who serves me each morning, “Rita,” does a terrific job, and all of my needs are met. In turn, I leave her a generous tip.
Abby, despite exchanging small talk during coffee refills, Rita snubs me when our paths cross outside the diner. She will look directly at me, turn her head and offer no greeting.
I’m not seeking a relationship with her. In the cafe, I always sit alone and enjoy reading my newspaper while I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee. It just bothers me that she won’t offer a simple, civil greeting outside the diner. Would I be justified in reducing the amount of the tip because of her behavior?
PUZZLED PATRON IN INDIANA
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I don’t know Rita. She may be unfriendly or prefer to draw a firm line between her professional life and her personal one. You stated that you tip her generously because of the terrific service she gives you. If that’s true, I don’t think she should be punished for keeping her distance when she’s not at the restaurant.
DEAR ABBY: For the past eight years, my son has been seeing “Tanya” and, according to him, she spends a lot. I’m concerned about it.
Because of the pandemic, Tanya got furloughed from her employer. She lives in an apartment but has all deliveries sent to our home address. Since the pandemic, we are receiving many more packages for her every day from online stores. Our son has mentioned to us that she has huge credit card bills. I’m worried if these two get more serious (marriage), it will cause problems in the future.
I’m tempted to say something to Tanya about the sudden increase in deliveries. Or should I keep quiet? We tell our son, but he always has no comment. Some days it’s like Christmas Day for packages.
PERPLEXED DAD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DAD: Your son and Tanya are adults. If anyone addresses her spending, it should be your son. I don’t advise saying anything to Tanya because it’s sure to be resented and could possibly cause a rift between you and your son. Talk to him one more time and explain your concern that his girlfriend is showing symptoms of being a spendaholic. But after that, drop it because the problem will be his, not yours, to solve.
DEAR ABBY: My husband plays a video golf game most of the time while we watch TV together. If I ask him an occasional question or want to show him something, he says I am interrupting him and I need to wait until he takes his golf shot.
It’s very frustrating to always be put on hold when we are together. I think communication is more important than a game. I’m tired of always having to wait, so I just say, “Never mind.” Any suggestions?
OUT OF THE GAME
DEAR OUT: Just saying “never mind” doesn’t get your message across. The next time it happens, tell your husband how you feel about coming in second place behind his toy, because you don’t “interrupt” often and you are more important than his video golf game.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.