mercurynews--2020-06-27--Borenstein: Judges’ delays in #MeToo case mock accusers, Grand Jury

Foot-dragging by Contra Costa judges in a # MeToo case involving the county assessor has made a mockery of the state ’ s grand jury process designed to check public officials who engage in willful or corrupt misconduct .
It ’ s been 14 months since the Contra Costa Grand Jury signed a formal accusation that county Assessor Gus Kramer , currently a candidate for county supervisor , had created a hostile work environment for employees within his office and under his supervision .
The accusation alleges that Kramer , in incidents dating back to 2014 , told stories about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ advances on a subordinate , talked about giving a sex toy to his niece , made crude comments about his sexual desires , and disparaged people of Mexican descent .
An accusation is the first step in a seldom-used process that should trigger a trial to determine whether a public official is removed from office .
But the punishment of removal from office is meaningless if the accused remains on the job through years of delays .
Yet , that ’ s exactly what is happening in the Kramer case , which was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it even reached the Grand Jury .
Since the accusation was filed , the case has been passed between three Superior Court judges , Theresa Canepa , Charles Burch and , most recently , John Cope .
This month , Cope set a date for jury selection of Oct. 19 .
That ’ s right .
It won ’ t even begin until 18 months after the Grand Jury foreman signed the accusation .
Meanwhile , Kramer draws salary and benefits worth about $ 360,000 a year and continues to fatten his pension @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a critical county department that determines the tax values on more than $ 200 billion of property in Contra Costa .
That includes overseeing an office that includes one of his accusers .
Lest there be any thought that Kramer was chastened by the Grand Jury accusation , he ’ s currently running for a seat on the Contra Costa Board of Supervisors .
He eked out a second-place finish in March to qualify for the Nov. 3 runoff against incumbent Federal Glover .
It was bad enough that Kramer hadn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ election .
Now jury selection will commence two weeks after ballots for the November election are mailed out .
And with the trial expected to take about three weeks , most ballots likely will be counted before a jury verdict is rendered .
Kramer , who denies the allegations , deserved his day in court before then , although his attorney seems in no hurry .
Just as important , county residents and voters deserve a speedy resolution to the case to know whether Kramer will keep his office and should be considered @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Becton for five weeks of delay in serving Kramer with the accusation before the process could even start .
Blame County Counsel Sharon Anderson and Chief Assistant Mary Ann Mason for repeated delays turning over documents .
Foremost , blame the judges – the three who have presided over this case and let pre-trail proceedings drag out for over a year .
By the time the court was temporarily shut down because of coronavirus , the judiciary already had relinquished control .
Once court hearings resumed , Judge Cope continued the delays by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ months off .
It ’ s unlikely that Kramer will win the November election .
In March , Glover garnered 49.9 % of the vote , a hair short of the simple majority needed to avoid a runoff , while Kramer and a third candidate nearly evenly split the other half of the votes .
Whatever the outcome of the election and the trial , Kramer will have served about half his current four-year term as assessor by the time the case is resolved .
And if Kramer were to win the election @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kramer would have to quit his current job to become a county supervisor , anyhow .
So , the outcome of a trial to remove him as assessor would be meaningless .
This isn ’ t the first time the public has been left in the dark before an election about the outcome of accusations against Kramer .
In 2015 , two of his employees lodged the complaints that were the genesis of this case .
They were buried .
• Borenstein : Ominous coronavirus data trends we must not ignore More than @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , County Administrator David Twa , acting in response to the growing # MeToo movement , sent a memo to employees urging reporting of inappropriate workplace behavior .
One of the employees spoke up again , triggering a formal county investigation and finding that it was “ more likely than not ” on several occasions Kramer had made inappropriate comments .
But by the time the report was completed , Kramer had ensured election to another term because he had no opposition .
Then county supervisors kept the report from the public until @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and this news organization publicized the findings .
Only then did supervisors censure Kramer and refer the case to the Grand Jury .
Which brings us to the final victims in this case – the grand jurors who served in the 2018-19 fiscal year , carefully investigated the allegations and brought the allegations .
The three judges ’ delay in this case not only sends a very troubling message to employees who report misconduct , it tells grand jurors that their work ferreting out wrongdoing is not respected .
The Contra Costa judiciary @ @ @ @

Foot-dragging by Contra Costa judges in a #MeToo case involving the county assessor has made a mockery of the state’s grand jury process designed to check public officials who engage in willful or corrupt misconduct.
It’s been 14 months since the Contra Costa Grand Jury signed a formal accusation that county Assessor Gus Kramer, currently a candidate for county supervisor, had created a hostile work environment for employees within his office and under his supervision.
The accusation alleges that Kramer, in incidents dating back to 2014, told stories about his conquests with women, made unwanted advances on a subordinate, talked about giving a sex toy to his niece, made crude comments about his sexual desires, and disparaged people of Mexican descent.
An accusation is the first step in a seldom-used process that should trigger a trial to determine whether a public official is removed from office. But the punishment of removal from office is meaningless if the accused remains on the job through years of delays.
Yet, that’s exactly what is happening in the Kramer case, which was bungled for years by the county before it even reached the Grand Jury. Since the accusation was filed, the case has been passed between three Superior Court judges, Theresa Canepa, Charles Burch and, most recently, John Cope.
This month, Cope set a date for jury selection of Oct. 19. That’s right. It won’t even begin until 18 months after the Grand Jury foreman signed the accusation. Meanwhile, Kramer draws salary and benefits worth about $360,000 a year and continues to fatten his pension.
And he remains in charge of a critical county department that determines the tax values on more than $200 billion of property in Contra Costa. That includes overseeing an office that includes one of his accusers.
Lest there be any thought that Kramer was chastened by the Grand Jury accusation, he’s currently running for a seat on the Contra Costa Board of Supervisors. He eked out a second-place finish in March to qualify for the Nov. 3 runoff against incumbent Federal Glover.
It was bad enough that Kramer hadn’t been put on trial before the March election. Now jury selection will commence two weeks after ballots for the November election are mailed out. And with the trial expected to take about three weeks, most ballots likely will be counted before a jury verdict is rendered.
What a fiasco.
Kramer, who denies the allegations, deserved his day in court before then, although his attorney seems in no hurry. Just as important, county residents and voters deserve a speedy resolution to the case to know whether Kramer will keep his office and should be considered for another.
Blame District Attorney Diana Becton for five weeks of delay in serving Kramer with the accusation before the process could even start. Blame County Counsel Sharon Anderson and Chief Assistant Mary Ann Mason for repeated delays turning over documents.
Foremost, blame the judges – the three who have presided over this case and let pre-trail proceedings drag out for over a year. By the time the court was temporarily shut down because of coronavirus, the judiciary already had relinquished control. Once court hearings resumed, Judge Cope continued the delays by setting a trial date yet another four months off.
It’s unlikely that Kramer will win the November election. In March, Glover garnered 49.9% of the vote, a hair short of the simple majority needed to avoid a runoff, while Kramer and a third candidate nearly evenly split the other half of the votes.
Whatever the outcome of the election and the trial, Kramer will have served about half his current four-year term as assessor by the time the case is resolved.
And if Kramer were to win the election, that would moot the accusation. Kramer would have to quit his current job to become a county supervisor, anyhow. So, the outcome of a trial to remove him as assessor would be meaningless.
This isn’t the first time the public has been left in the dark before an election about the outcome of accusations against Kramer. In 2015, two of his employees lodged the complaints that were the genesis of this case. They were buried.
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Borenstein: Even Bay Area congressional reps question BART’s fiscal folly Opinion | Borenstein: Oakland crime surges way beyond San Jose and SF levels More than two years later, in January 2018, County Administrator David Twa, acting in response to the growing #MeToo movement, sent a memo to employees urging reporting of inappropriate workplace behavior.
One of the employees spoke up again, triggering a formal county investigation and finding that it was “more likely than not” on several occasions Kramer had made inappropriate comments. But by the time the report was completed, Kramer had ensured election to another term because he had no opposition.
Then county supervisors kept the report from the public until one of the victims came to me and this news organization publicized the findings. Only then did supervisors censure Kramer and refer the case to the Grand Jury.
Which brings us to the final victims in this case – the grand jurors who served in the 2018-19 fiscal year, carefully investigated the allegations and brought the allegations. The three judges’ delay in this case not only sends a very troubling message to employees who report misconduct, it tells grand jurors that their work ferreting out wrongdoing is not respected.
The Contra Costa judiciary should be ashamed.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--On this date, 1989: Warriors draft ‘tiny’ Tim Hardaway

The Warriors dropped only one shoe Tuesday in the NBA college draft .
The other shoe , Coach and General Manager Don Nelson indicated , will hit the floor a little more than a month from now when it ’ s really time for let ’ s make a deal .
Going into the draft , the Warriors needed a powerful front-line player .
They had the same need going out after using their first-round pick , the 14th overall , to take tiny Tim Hardaway , a 5-foot-11 point guard from Texas-El Paso .
Before the NBA ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tried and failed to trade up with Indiana in an attempt to snag Oklahoma ’ s Stacey King or Louisiana Tech ’ s Randy White with the seventh pick .
King went sixth to Chicago , White eighth to Dallas .
Rebuffed by Indiana , the Warriors worked what looked like a strange pre-draft transaction with Seattle .
The Sonics acquired the Warriors ’ other first-round slot , the 16th , for Seattle ’ s first-rounder next year .
That swap and the selection of Hardaway made no sense until Nelson stepped to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ did everything but say outright another trade is inevitable .
“ You ’ re going to have to listen carefully , ” Nelson said to a roomful of sportswriters and broadcasters .
“ I can ’ t say very much .
“ We ’ re going to be very active with that pick from Seattle , ” Nelson said mysteriously .
“ We think we can get a power person at a later time ( for next season ) .
You can be aggressive in future picks at any time.
” Nelson paused @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ It ’ s just not over yet.
” Nelson said the Warriors probably will swing into action after the NBA salary cap goes up Aug. 1 from $ 7.2 million a year to an estimated $ 9.5 million .
That would allow the Warriors , who are two under the 12-man roster limit , to land a high-priced player , perhaps a free agent .
And it also would allow another team to absorb a high-priced player from the Warriors , say 7-4 Ralph Sampson and his $ 2.1 million price @ @ @ @ @ @ @ big players are available .
The expansion Minnesota Timberwolves might listen to an offer for former Detroit muscle man Rick Mahorn .
Roy Tarpley of Dallas would be even more attractive , even though the 7-foot forward is one strike from lifetime banishment under the league ’ s drug policy .
That might lead the Mavericks to part with him for someone to replace seriously injured center James Donaldson .
White also would be a possibility .
The Warriors fell to 10 players when they released bench warmers John Starks , Orlando Graham @ @ @ @ @ @ @ expansion draft .
Power forward Larry Smith also no longer is Warriors property because he is an unrestricted free agent able to sign with any club starting Saturday .
Nelson refused to say whether the Warriors wanted Smith back .
Indiana was a candidate to trade down for the Warriors ’ two first-rounders because the Pacers needed a point guard .
“ I thought Indiana was going to take me , ” Hardaway said by phone from draft headquarters at New York ’ s Felt Forum .
“ But when they didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would be Golden State.
” Nelson never had an opportunity to interview Hardaway , the Warriors ’ only selection in the two-round draft , because a pre- paid airline ticket didn ’ t get to Hardaway .
He had taken a written test mailed to him by club consultant Dr. Harry Edwards , a sports sociologist .
The acquisition of Hardaway and the signing Saturday of Soviet star Sarunas Marciulionis give the Warriors five guards plus two guards posing as forwards .
Hardaway and Marciulionis give last season ’ s starting point guard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about on his Caribbean honeymoon .
“ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder , ” Nelson said .
“ We rated Tim Hardaway as the top point guard of this season .
It will be proven out over the long road .
“ He can run the break as well as anybody .
He gets the ball to the right people at the right time .
He ’ s small but stocky , a la a small Mitch Richmond body.
” The 175-pound Hardaway grew up in the competitive atmosphere of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ playground legend .
The younger Hardaway didn ’ t do so bad himself , averaging 40 points a game last summer in leading his team to the championship of a Chicago pro-am league in which NBA stars Isiah Thomas , Terry Cummings and Craig Hodges participated .
Hardaway , 22 , passed former NBA great Nate Archibald as UTEP ’ s all-time leading scorer despite not playing much as a freshman .
• Kurtenbach : Professional sports fear this more than COVID-19 • On this date , 2009 : Warriors draft Stephen Curry @ @ @ @ @ @ @ averaged 22 points a game last season and was the Western Athletic Conference player of the year .
But it was in the postseason all-star games that Hardaway sparkled .
His stock moved up when he was named most valuable player of an all-star game in Seattle and of the Portsmouth ( Va. ) Invitational .
He had to settle for merely being on the Orlando ( Fla. ) Classic all-tournament team , although Nelson said he should have been MVP there , too .

(This story was originally published in 1989. Two months later, the Warriors acquired center Alton Lister from Seattle.)
The Warriors dropped only one shoe Tuesday in the NBA college draft. The other shoe, Coach and General Manager Don Nelson indicated, will hit the floor a little more than a month from now when it’s really time for let’s make a deal.
Going into the draft, the Warriors needed a powerful front-line player. They had the same need going out after using their first-round pick, the 14th overall, to take tiny Tim Hardaway, a 5-foot-11 point guard from Texas-El Paso.
Before the NBA’s first prime-time draft began, the Warriors tried and failed to trade up with Indiana in an attempt to snag Oklahoma’s Stacey King or Louisiana Tech’s Randy White with the seventh pick.
King went sixth to Chicago, White eighth to Dallas.
Rebuffed by Indiana, the Warriors worked what looked like a strange pre-draft transaction with Seattle.
The Sonics acquired the Warriors’ other first-round slot, the 16th, for Seattle’s first-rounder next year.
That swap and the selection of Hardaway made no sense until Nelson stepped to the microphone at the Coliseum Arena and did everything but say outright another trade is inevitable.
“You’re going to have to listen carefully,” Nelson said to a roomful of sportswriters and broadcasters. “I can’t say very much.
“We’re going to be very active with that pick from Seattle,” Nelson said mysteriously. “We think we can get a power person at a later time (for next season). You can be aggressive in future picks at any time.”
Nelson paused before dropping the Yogi Berra-ish admonition of, “It’s just not over yet.”
Nelson said the Warriors probably will swing into action after the NBA salary cap goes up Aug. 1 from $7.2 million a year to an estimated $9.5 million.
That would allow the Warriors, who are two under the 12-man roster limit, to land a high-priced player, perhaps a free agent.
And it also would allow another team to absorb a high-priced player from the Warriors, say 7-4 Ralph Sampson and his $2.1 million price tag for next season. Not many big players are available. The expansion Minnesota Timberwolves might listen to an offer for former Detroit muscle man Rick Mahorn.
Roy Tarpley of Dallas would be even more attractive, even though the 7-foot forward is one strike from lifetime banishment under the league’s drug policy. That might lead the Mavericks to part with him for someone to replace seriously injured center James Donaldson. White also would be a possibility.
The Warriors fell to 10 players when they released bench warmers John Starks, Orlando Graham and Ben McDonald after the June 15 expansion draft.
Power forward Larry Smith also no longer is Warriors property because he is an unrestricted free agent able to sign with any club starting Saturday. Nelson refused to say whether the Warriors wanted Smith back.
Indiana was a candidate to trade down for the Warriors’ two first-rounders because the Pacers needed a point guard.
“I thought Indiana was going to take me,” Hardaway said by phone from draft headquarters at New York’s Felt Forum. “But when they didn’t, I kind of figured it would be Golden State.”
Nelson never had an opportunity to interview Hardaway, the Warriors’ only selection in the two-round draft, because a pre- paid airline ticket didn’t get to Hardaway. He had taken a written test mailed to him by club consultant Dr. Harry Edwards, a sports sociologist.
The acquisition of Hardaway and the signing Saturday of Soviet star Sarunas Marciulionis give the Warriors five guards plus two guards posing as forwards. Hardaway and Marciulionis give last season’s starting point guard, Winston Garland, something to think about on his Caribbean honeymoon.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” Nelson said. “We rated Tim Hardaway as the top point guard of this season. It will be proven out over the long road.
“He can run the break as well as anybody. He gets the ball to the right people at the right time. He’s small but stocky, a la a small Mitch Richmond body.”
The 175-pound Hardaway grew up in the competitive atmosphere of Chicago, where his father was a playground legend. The younger Hardaway didn’t do so bad himself, averaging 40 points a game last summer in leading his team to the championship of a Chicago pro-am league in which NBA stars Isiah Thomas, Terry Cummings and Craig Hodges participated.
Hardaway, 22, passed former NBA great Nate Archibald as UTEP’s all-time leading scorer despite not playing much as a freshman.
Hardaway averaged 22 points a game last season and was the Western Athletic Conference player of the year.
But it was in the postseason all-star games that Hardaway sparkled. His stock moved up when he was named most valuable player of an all-star game in Seattle and of the Portsmouth (Va.) Invitational. He had to settle for merely being on the Orlando (Fla.) Classic all-tournament team, although Nelson said he should have been MVP there, too.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Word Game: June 27, 2020

Word Game: June 27, 2020

TODAY ’ S WORD — THURIBLE ( THURIBLE : THOOR-ih-bul : A censer used in certain church ceremonies . )
Can you find 48 or more words in THURIBLE ?
The list will be published Monday .
YESTERDAY ’ S WORD — HOMECOMING hemic hemming hinge hoeing home homing hone omen once oohing memo mice mien mime mince mine mono mooing moon echo echoing chime chin chine chino coho coin come coming common cone cooing icon inch income neigh nice niche nigh genie gnome gone goon To purchase the Word Game book , visit WordGameBooks.com .
Order it now for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1 .
Words must be of four or more letters .
2 .
Words that acquire four letters by the addition of “ s , ” such as “ bats ” or “ dies , ” are not allowed .
3 .
Additional words made by adding a “ d ” or an “ s ” may not be used .
For example , if “ bake ” is used , “ baked ” or “ bakes ” are not allowed , but “ bake ” and “ baking ” are admissible .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ , or vulgar or sexually explicit words are not allowed .

TODAY’S WORD — THURIBLE (THURIBLE: THOOR-ih-bul: A censer used in certain church ceremonies.)
Average mark 36 words
Time limit 45 minutes
Can you find 48 or more words in THURIBLE? The list will be published Monday.
YESTERDAY’S WORD — HOMECOMING hemic hemming hinge hoeing home homing
hone omen once oohing memo mice mien mime mince mine mono mooing moon echo
echoing chime chin chine chino coho coin come coming common cone cooing icon inch
income neigh nice niche nigh genie gnome gone goon
To purchase the Word Game book, visit WordGameBooks.com. Order it now for just $5 while supplies last!
RULES OF THE GAME:
1. Words must be of four or more letters.
2. Words that acquire four letters by the addition of “s,” such as “bats” or “dies,” are not allowed.
3. Additional words made by adding a “d” or an “s” may not be used. For example, if “bake” is used, “baked” or “bakes” are not allowed, but “bake” and “baking” are admissible.
4. Proper nouns, slang words, or vulgar or sexually explicit words are not allowed.
Contact Word Game creator Kathleen Saxe at kzsaxe@gmail.com.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Horoscopes June 27, 2020: Drake Bell, express your thoughts and feelings.

Happy Birthday : Express your thoughts and feelings , embrace the people and pastimes you enjoy and be responsible for your happiness .
Initiate the changes that will encourage you to try things you ’ ve only dreamed about , and set sail on an adventure that entices you to explore what life has to offer .
Make this a year to remember and a period of personal growth .
Your numbers are 6 , 11 , 23 , 27 , 33 , 36 , 44 .
ARIES ( March 21-April 19 ) : Think before you react .
Get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your mind about something that can change your life forever .
Look at the past , and let it be a reminder of what can happen if you make a poor decision .
3 stars TAURUS ( April 20-May 20 ) : Dream it , believe it and make it happen .
Achieving happiness is up to you .
Take responsibility , and do what feels right and is best for you .
Don ’ t blame others for interfering ; blame yourself for letting them .
Take control , and proceed with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 21-June 20 ) : Put your differences aside when working with others , and do whatever is necessary and beneficial for everyone .
Set a stellar precedent , and you will gain respect and cooperation .
A self-improvement project will pay off .
2 stars CANCER ( June 21-July 22 ) : When it comes to rearranging things at home , enforce discipline and begin the process of decluttering .
The sooner you clear some space , the easier it will be to start a new , exciting project .
Set your sights @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ( July 23-Aug. 22 ) : A change regarding the way you earn your living will prompt you to explore possibilities .
Consider what you enjoy doing most and what you require to follow a path that interests you .
Discuss your plans with someone you love .
3 stars VIRGO ( Aug. 23-Sept. 22 ) : Call someone you once worked with , and you ’ ll discover something you didn ’ t know .
A prospect that entails using favored skills will get you thinking about a lifestyle change that intrigues @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 3 stars LIBRA ( Sept. 23-Oct. 22 ) : Consider the best way to strengthen yourself physically and emotionally , and you will find it easier to deal with people who are challenging .
Take a different approach , and you will unexpectedly turn someone ’ s negativity around .
Romance is on the rise .
3 stars SCORPIO ( Oct. 23-Nov. 21 ) : A good idea will turn your life around .
Consider how you want to live , and start building a stairway to a future that makes you feel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ offer insight , and put your plans in motion .
3 stars SAGITTARIUS ( Nov. 22-Dec. 21 ) : Take better care of yourself and those you love .
Don ’ t let an outsider meddle in your domestic affairs .
Share your feelings and intentions with the people closest to you .
Romance will enhance your life and a special relationship .
4 stars CAPRICORN ( Dec. 22-Jan. 19 ) : Look at the possibilities and the prospects that interest you the most .
Adjust the way you live to suit your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ closest to you , and you will come up with a plan you both endorse .
2 stars AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18 ) : Make your health and financial well-being priorities .
Consider your options and how to use your space at home to accommodate what you want to accomplish .
A commitment will push you to follow through with your plans .
Romance is favored .
5 stars PISCES ( Feb. 19-March 20 ) : Reviewing the past will help you come up with a plan that will encourage updating the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knowledge and skills to turn a negative situation into a positive alternative .
Take better care of your health .
3 stars Birthday Baby : You are kind , affectionate and creative .
You are precise and practical .

CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS DAY: Ed Westwick, 33; Drake Bell, 34; Tobey Maguire, 45; J.J. Abrams, 54.
Happy Birthday: Express your thoughts and feelings, embrace the people and pastimes you enjoy and be responsible for your happiness. Initiate the changes that will encourage you to try things you’ve only dreamed about, and set sail on an adventure that entices you to explore what life has to offer. Make this a year to remember and a period of personal growth. Your numbers are 6, 11, 23, 27, 33, 36, 44.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Think before you react. Get your facts straight before you make up your mind about something that can change your life forever. Look at the past, and let it be a reminder of what can happen if you make a poor decision. 3 stars
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Dream it, believe it and make it happen. Achieving happiness is up to you. Take responsibility, and do what feels right and is best for you. Don’t blame others for interfering; blame yourself for letting them. Take control, and proceed with confidence. 5 stars
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Put your differences aside when working with others, and do whatever is necessary and beneficial for everyone. Set a stellar precedent, and you will gain respect and cooperation. A self-improvement project will pay off. 2 stars
CANCER (June 21-July 22): When it comes to rearranging things at home, enforce discipline and begin the process of decluttering. The sooner you clear some space, the easier it will be to start a new, exciting project. Set your sights on learning something. 4 stars
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A change regarding the way you earn your living will prompt you to explore possibilities. Consider what you enjoy doing most and what you require to follow a path that interests you. Discuss your plans with someone you love. 3 stars
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Call someone you once worked with, and you’ll discover something you didn’t know. A prospect that entails using favored skills will get you thinking about a lifestyle change that intrigues you. Be open to suggestions. 3 stars
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Consider the best way to strengthen yourself physically and emotionally, and you will find it easier to deal with people who are challenging. Take a different approach, and you will unexpectedly turn someone’s negativity around. Romance is on the rise. 3 stars
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A good idea will turn your life around. Consider how you want to live, and start building a stairway to a future that makes you feel enthusiastic. Speak to someone who can offer insight, and put your plans in motion. 3 stars
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take better care of yourself and those you love. Don’t let an outsider meddle in your domestic affairs. Share your feelings and intentions with the people closest to you. Romance will enhance your life and a special relationship. 4 stars
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Look at the possibilities and the prospects that interest you the most. Adjust the way you live to suit your needs. Discuss things with the person closest to you, and you will come up with a plan you both endorse. 2 stars
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Make your health and financial well-being priorities. Consider your options and how to use your space at home to accommodate what you want to accomplish. A commitment will push you to follow through with your plans. Romance is favored. 5 stars
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Reviewing the past will help you come up with a plan that will encourage updating the way you do things. Use your knowledge and skills to turn a negative situation into a positive alternative. Take better care of your health. 3 stars
Birthday Baby: You are kind, affectionate and creative. You are precise and practical.
Visit Eugenialast.com, or join Eugenia on Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn.


Bridge: June 27, 2020

It ’ s a mystery how we ever did without cellphones — and a greater mystery how we are coping without all the stuff that has yet to be invented .
Defenders can get along without gadgets , but they do need to stay focused .
Today ’ s North-South bid routinely to 3NT .
North correctly suppressed his diamond suit and bid the nine-trick game .
West judged that a major-suit opening lead was unlikely to generate five defensive tricks .
Hoping to find East ’ s long suit , West tried the ten of clubs .
That lead @ @ @ @ @ @ @ low , East won with the queen .
East then shifted to a spade .
South won , forced out the ace of diamonds and lost only to the ace of clubs .
Making four .
West ’ s lead deserved better .
Since the lead marks South with the jack of clubs — hence a sure stopper — East must signal with the eight on the first club to keep communication .
Then , when West takes the ace of diamonds , he leads his last club , and East takes four @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : S A K J H A K 7 D J 8 6 5 C J 9 2 .
With only your side vulnerable , the dealer , at your right , opens three hearts .
What do you say ?
ANSWER : Curses !
You were about to open with a comfortable 1NT , and your opponent ’ s preempt has cut away your bidding space and forces you to guess .
Many experts would risk 3NT : If your partner has his fair share of the missing points , you will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of being branded a coward , I would pass and accept a plus score .

It’s a mystery how we ever did without cellphones — and a greater mystery how we are coping without all the stuff that has yet to be invented. Defenders can get along without gadgets, but they do need to stay focused.
Today’s North-South bid routinely to 3NT. North correctly suppressed his diamond suit and bid the nine-trick game.
West judged that a major-suit opening lead was unlikely to generate five defensive tricks. Hoping to find East’s long suit, West tried the ten of clubs. That lead was inspired, but when dummy played low, East won with the queen.
MAKING FOUR
East then shifted to a spade. South won, forced out the ace of diamonds and lost only to the ace of clubs. Making four.
West’s lead deserved better. Since the lead marks South with the jack of clubs — hence a sure stopper — East must signal with the eight on the first club to keep communication. Then, when West takes the ace of diamonds, he leads his last club, and East takes four clubs for down one.
DAILY QUESTION
You hold: S A K J H A K 7 D J 8 6 5 C J 9 2. With only your side vulnerable, the dealer, at your right, opens three hearts. What do you say?
ANSWER: Curses! You were about to open with a comfortable 1NT, and your opponent’s preempt has cut away your bidding space and forces you to guess. Many experts would risk 3NT: If your partner has his fair share of the missing points, you will have a chance. At the risk of being branded a coward, I would pass and accept a plus score.
South dealer
N-S vulnerable
NORTH
S 8 7
H Q 10 2
D K Q 10 7 3
C K 7 4
WEST
S 9 5 3 2
H 8 6 5 4
D A 9 2
C 10 6
EAST
S Q 10 6 4
H J 9 3
D 4
C A Q 8 5 3
SOUTH
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(C)2020 TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Ask Amy: I’m afraid of what they might do at my wedding

Dear Amy : During our marriage , my ex-husband rarely made time for us ( although he was great with the kids when he was with them ) .
I would take our kids on vacations without him because he always had something better to do .
I filed for divorce and moved out of his home over two years ago .
I made the decision to do this without telling my parents and siblings because I knew , even though they could see how unhappy I was , that they would not be supportive .
To this day they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and events but become upset with me when I refuse to attend .
• Ask Amy : Grandmother plans to disappear with boy for secret vacation • Ask Amy : I vowed I ’ d never be like my dad , so this is scaring me • Ask Amy : My Hot Girl Summer is over .
What do I tell my boyfriend ?
• Ask Amy : Does my wife realize how she looks these days ?
• Ask Amy : My sister uses me to enable her eccentric lifestyle Since leaving @ @ @ @ @ @ @ contact with my immediate family .
Obviously , this is very hard on me , and it is also confusing for my children .
I have attempted to talk to my family about this and it becomes an argument every time .
They have told my children that I shut them out , but to me it feels like they shut me out .
I have met an amazing man , and we are now planning our wedding .
When I attempted to talk to my mom about wedding plans , her only @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ That ’ s my weekend to work.
” I struggle with even inviting my immediate family to the wedding for fear that drama will be started .
I want to move on with my life and hope that my family will be a part of that , but at this point I am at a loss for what to do next .
Dear At a Loss : You chose to leave your husband , but never told your parents or siblings about this momentous change .
You don ’ t celebrate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they invite your ex .
However , your silence and absence has left a void , and now you seem to wonder why you don ’ t have a relationship with them .
If you had chosen to attend family events , they might have stopped inviting your ex .
In order to have a relationship , and in order to include them in your life , you need to participate in theirs .
Because you seem to want some contact , I suggest that you risk a little “ drama ” in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Invite them to your wedding , and take this opportunity to try to turn the page .
After your wedding , invite them to your home , go to their homes when you are invited – encourage them to get to know your new husband , and see if they respond to your openness by being more open , themselves .
Obviously , if this is an overall toxic experience for you , you will have to make a different choice , but – up until now you don ’ t seem to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : “ Sue ” and I met on a singles site shortly before the pandemic .
We live in different parts of the country , so between that and the travel restrictions , we have not met in person yet .
We communicate about twice a week via videoconference and have had a good time getting to know each other better .
It has worked well for us .
The problem as I see it is that I am afraid of this style of communication getting stale .
How do we keep things @ @ @ @ @ @ @ until it is finally OK to make the trip to see each other and spend time with one another .
Zoom sex is NOT an option .
Dear R : It is surprisingly fun to play games via videoconferencing .
Do a little research , and depending on your areas of interest , you could play a trivia game , collaborate on a crossword , play “ Words with Friends , ” or “ Heads Up , ” a fun word association game available on the Houseparty app .
Also — remember that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ than videoconferencing .
If you ’ re the type ( I am ) , you could mix things up by sending your new friend an old-fashioned letter .
( Delayed gratification , perhaps , but so romantic… ! )
Dear Amy : “ Blessed Dad ” has a 20-something cousin living with them during the pandemic .
He is wondering why she doesn ’ t say “ grace ” with the family .
He could open a conversation by asking if it makes her uncomfortable ?
Ask if she ‘ d like to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at mealtime ?
Being open to a new way of doing things might mean everyone in the family could take occasional turns at offering a blessing .
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy @ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy , P.O .
Box 194 , Freeville , NY 13068 .
You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook .

Dear Amy: During our marriage, my ex-husband rarely made time for us (although he was great with the kids when he was with them).
I would take our kids on vacations without him because he always had something better to do.
I filed for divorce and moved out of his home over two years ago.
I made the decision to do this without telling my parents and siblings because I knew, even though they could see how unhappy I was, that they would not be supportive.
To this day they continue to invite him to family holidays and events but become upset with me when I refuse to attend.
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I have attempted to talk to my family about this and it becomes an argument every time. They have told my children that I shut them out, but to me it feels like they shut me out.
I have met an amazing man, and we are now planning our wedding. When I attempted to talk to my mom about wedding plans, her only response to my chosen wedding date was, “That’s my weekend to work.”
I struggle with even inviting my immediate family to the wedding for fear that drama will be started.
I want to move on with my life and hope that my family will be a part of that, but at this point I am at a loss for what to do next.
At a Loss
Dear At a Loss: You chose to leave your husband, but never told your parents or siblings about this momentous change. You don’t celebrate holidays or special occasions with them because they invite your ex. However, your silence and absence has left a void, and now you seem to wonder why you don’t have a relationship with them.
If you had chosen to attend family events, they might have stopped inviting your ex. In order to have a relationship, and in order to include them in your life, you need to participate in theirs.
Because you seem to want some contact, I suggest that you risk a little “drama” in order to re-enter your family system. Invite them to your wedding, and take this opportunity to try to turn the page. After your wedding, invite them to your home, go to their homes when you are invited – encourage them to get to know your new husband, and see if they respond to your openness by being more open, themselves.
Obviously, if this is an overall toxic experience for you, you will have to make a different choice, but – up until now you don’t seem to have tried very hard.
Dear Amy: “Sue” and I met on a singles site shortly before the pandemic. We live in different parts of the country, so between that and the travel restrictions, we have not met in person yet.
We communicate about twice a week via videoconference and have had a good time getting to know each other better. It has worked well for us.
The problem as I see it is that I am afraid of this style of communication getting stale.
How do we keep things interesting so as not to get bored until it is finally OK to make the trip to see each other and spend time with one another.
Zoom sex is NOT an option.
R
Dear R: It is surprisingly fun to play games via videoconferencing. Do a little research, and depending on your areas of interest, you could play a trivia game, collaborate on a crossword, play “Words with Friends,” or “Heads Up,” a fun word association game available on the Houseparty app.
Also — remember that there are many ways to communicate other than videoconferencing. If you’re the type (I am), you could mix things up by sending your new friend an old-fashioned letter. (Delayed gratification, perhaps, but so romantic…!)
Dear Amy: “Blessed Dad” has a 20-something cousin living with them during the pandemic. He is wondering why she doesn’t say “grace” with the family. He could open a conversation by asking if it makes her uncomfortable?
Ask if she ‘d like to have a turn offering grace or thanks at mealtime?
Being open to a new way of doing things might mean everyone in the family could take occasional turns at offering a blessing.
Faithful Reader in Toledo!
Dear Faithful: I like this idea.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Harriette Cole: His lax dishwashing is causing problems, and he doesn’t care

DEAR HARRIETTE : My husband and I seem to be having a standoff in the kitchen .
Our agreement years ago was that if I cooked , he would clean the kitchen .
We both work .
I often work long hours , even now when we are at home .
But he leaves the dishes in the sink overnight pretty consistently , then washes them in the morning .
That means we get roaches sometimes because we live in an apartment building .
You can ’ t leave food out and expect no repercussions .
When I try to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just blows me off and says , “ I washed them , didn ’ t I ?
What ’ s your problem ?
” He doesn ’ t get it at all .
But I don ’ t want to have to do every single thing in the house .
How can I get him to participate more fully ?
It ’ s not my house ; it ’ s our house .
Need His Help DEAR NEED HIS HELP : Revisit your household chores agreement when you aren ’ t upset .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ steals all my cool ideas , and I ’ m fed up • Harriette Cole : I was dismayed to learn what ’ s happening in suburbia • Harriette Cole : My boyfriend is gay .
How could I not have known ?
• Harriette Cole : It makes me so angry that this cheater won an award Tell your husband that you want to refresh how you two handle your duties .
Point out that there ’ s a lot to do , and you are inviting him to work with you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ home .
Do an inventory of chores with him , including the kitchen — but not only the kitchen .
Ask for his input .
What does he think needs to be done to maintain the home ?
Be sure to mention eliminating roaches and possible vermin .
Ask him to recommit to cleaning the kitchen in a timely manner .
You may consider spending time with him in the kitchen .
Can you two talk and clean at the same time ?
Fostering togetherness might help inspire him to take action .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ invite my niece and nephew from Italy to come stay with me and my family .
Travel hasn ’ t really opened up yet , so this summer hasn ’ t been an issue , but I anticipate that travel will be relaxed soon enough .
I am afraid to have them come .
Italy was hit hard by COVID-19 , and my elderly mother lives with me .
I worry that if I bring these young people into my home directly from one of the hardest-hit countries , I could be killing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , though .
And they look forward to it so much .
How should I handle this ?
DEAR OVERSEAS VISITORS : This may be the year that you put that trans-Atlantic visit on pause .
We won ’ t know for some time whether or not the virus is under control .
According to Dr. Anthony Fauci , the director for the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases , until there is a vaccine , we won ’ t have it under control .
Yes , we have to live our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to put anyone at risk , particularly our most vulnerable population , which includes elders .
If your family has to stay with you , I suggest that you wait until next year , when we have more information .
As disappointed as they may be at first , they will have to understand .
This international epidemic is real and needs to be respected .
At the time of writing this column , we have topped 110,000 deaths in America .
That is a sobering statistic .
Be part of the solution @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and other outlets to stay in touch .
Plan the visit for a year from now .
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS , an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams .
You can send questions to askharriette @ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I seem to be having a standoff in the kitchen.
Our agreement years ago was that if I cooked, he would clean the kitchen. We both work. I often work long hours, even now when we are at home.
But he leaves the dishes in the sink overnight pretty consistently, then washes them in the morning. That means we get roaches sometimes because we live in an apartment building. You can’t leave food out and expect no repercussions.
When I try to bring this up to him, he just blows me off and says, “I washed them, didn’t I? What’s your problem?” He doesn’t get it at all.
But I don’t want to have to do every single thing in the house. How can I get him to participate more fully? It’s not my house; it’s our house.
Need His Help
DEAR NEED HIS HELP: Revisit your household chores agreement when you aren’t upset.
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Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend Advice | Harriette Cole: I’ve worked hard, and my poor siblings resent my success Tell your husband that you want to refresh how you two handle your duties. Point out that there’s a lot to do, and you are inviting him to work with you to improve on the upkeep of your home. Do an inventory of chores with him, including the kitchen — but not only the kitchen.
Ask for his input. What does he think needs to be done to maintain the home? Be sure to mention eliminating roaches and possible vermin. Ask him to recommit to cleaning the kitchen in a timely manner.
You may consider spending time with him in the kitchen. Can you two talk and clean at the same time? Fostering togetherness might help inspire him to take action.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Every summer, I invite my niece and nephew from Italy to come stay with me and my family. Travel hasn’t really opened up yet, so this summer hasn’t been an issue, but I anticipate that travel will be relaxed soon enough.
I am afraid to have them come. Italy was hit hard by COVID-19, and my elderly mother lives with me. I worry that if I bring these young people into my home directly from one of the hardest-hit countries, I could be killing her.
I love having them come, though. And they look forward to it so much. How should I handle this?
Overseas Visitors
DEAR OVERSEAS VISITORS: This may be the year that you put that trans-Atlantic visit on pause. We won’t know for some time whether or not the virus is under control. According to Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director for the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, until there is a vaccine, we won’t have it under control. Yes, we have to live our lives. But we do not want to put anyone at risk, particularly our most vulnerable population, which includes elders.
If your family has to stay with you, I suggest that you wait until next year, when we have more information. As disappointed as they may be at first, they will have to understand. This international epidemic is real and needs to be respected. At the time of writing this column, we have topped 110,000 deaths in America. That is a sobering statistic. Be part of the solution by being extremely cautious. Use videoconferencing and other outlets to stay in touch. Plan the visit for a year from now.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Miss Manners: His demand that we honor this deceased inebriate is outrageous

DEAR MISS MANNERS : I am ready to yank my fingernails out with vise grips !
One of my best friends lost his partner several months ago , and keeps bombarding friends and family with tribute requests .
I acquiesced initially , but I ’ m taking a firm stand now and refuse any further participation .
How do I convey my message without losing a friend ?
Mind you , his significant other was a tough 22-ton tanker times 10 — a two-fisted hardcore alcoholic .
On any given day , he would be in a stupor at best @ @ @ @ @ @ @ For us to contribute to a liver foundation because he died of liver disease , I feel , is outrageous !
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Please give some soothing advice , or else I ’ ll be going in for a medical manicure very soon .
GENTLE READER : “ I have limited resources and will be turning my attention to another cause this year .
But I will be sure to drink a toast in Thadeus ’ honor the next time we are all together remembering him.
” DEAR MISS MANNERS : I have a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ speak with me late at night , around the time I am having something to eat .
It has come up that she doesn ’ t approve of my eating while on the phone .
I understand , but the alternative is that I would call her back later , which she also doesn ’ t want me to do .
I am hungry , distracted and need to eat something , so I am torn between eating or talking with her .
How should I handle this ?
Oh , and I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , so that is why I don ’ t see this as an opportunity to do so .
GENTLE READER : While Miss Manners would never have jumped to that conclusion , you now have her wondering about the timing of these conversations and how long it takes you to digest .
Would not the logical solution be to pick a time that is mutually satisfactory ?
Late enough for your friend , but after you have had time to eat ?
She suggests that you start setting some parameters : “ 9 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ break .
Perhaps you can call at 9:15.
” DEAR MISS MANNERS : I received a call from a man who had gotten my phone number from my niece .
She did not ask me first if it was OK for him to have it .
Is it all right for her to have done this ?
She thinks I ’ m overreacting .
GENTLE READER : Perhaps she would change her mind if you reversed the situation .
Miss Manners does not necessarily recommend putting this into practice — she is not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ But the mere suggestion that you know lots and lots of eligible people her age who would just love to chat with her , constantly and without warning , might be enough to make your point .
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website , www.missmanners.com ; to her email , dearmissmanners @ gmail.com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners , Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am ready to yank my fingernails out with vise grips!
One of my best friends lost his partner several months ago, and keeps bombarding friends and family with tribute requests. I acquiesced initially, but I’m taking a firm stand now and refuse any further participation.
How do I convey my message without losing a friend?
Mind you, his significant other was a tough 22-ton tanker times 10 — a two-fisted hardcore alcoholic. On any given day, he would be in a stupor at best, breaking coffee tables at worst. For us to contribute to a liver foundation because he died of liver disease, I feel, is outrageous!
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Please give some soothing advice, or else I’ll be going in for a medical manicure very soon.
GENTLE READER: “I have limited resources and will be turning my attention to another cause this year. But I will be sure to drink a toast in Thadeus’ honor the next time we are all together remembering him.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is only available to speak with me late at night, around the time I am having something to eat. It has come up that she doesn’t approve of my eating while on the phone. I understand, but the alternative is that I would call her back later, which she also doesn’t want me to do.
I am hungry, distracted and need to eat something, so I am torn between eating or talking with her. How should I handle this?
Oh, and I am not in need of losing weight, so that is why I don’t see this as an opportunity to do so.
GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners would never have jumped to that conclusion, you now have her wondering about the timing of these conversations and how long it takes you to digest.
Would not the logical solution be to pick a time that is mutually satisfactory? Late enough for your friend, but after you have had time to eat? She suggests that you start setting some parameters: “9 p.m. is when I have my muffin break. Perhaps you can call at 9:15.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a call from a man who had gotten my phone number from my niece. She did not ask me first if it was OK for him to have it.
Is it all right for her to have done this? She thinks I’m overreacting.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps she would change her mind if you reversed the situation.
Miss Manners does not necessarily recommend putting this into practice — she is not in the business of exacting revenge. But the mere suggestion that you know lots and lots of eligible people her age who would just love to chat with her, constantly and without warning, might be enough to make your point.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--Dear Abby: When I use the bathroom, he wants to be there. Is that normal?

DEAR ABBY : I have a question about privacy .
No matter when I am in the restroom , my husband feels the need to come in and hang out .
Every single day .
I have mentioned over and over that I would prefer some privacy , but he won ’ t listen .
I mean , come on , is nothing sacred ?
What gives ?
DEAR EXPOSED : You have my sympathy .
Your husband either doesn ’ t respect your need for privacy or has an insatiable desire for a captive audience .
The solution to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a sturdy lock on your bathroom door .
DEAR ABBY : I have a question about my daughter ’ s new husband , “ Brad.
” I haven ’ t interfered with their marriage and don ’ t want to , but he seems very moody and barely speaks to me .
Just when I think I ’ ve found a common topic , on the next visit four or five weeks later , he doesn ’ t say a word .
During my last visit , he got very upset with my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out of his wrap while she was tasting it .
She apologized twice , but her eyes were watering when I walked into the room .
I wanted so badly to just hug her and ask Brad “ What ’ s wrong with you ?
” I have heard his tone before .
Should I do anything ?
DEAR QUESTIONING : If Brad has behaved this way before when you were visiting , is it possible that your visit was inconvenient for him ?
Could they be having marital problems ?
I don @ @ @ @ @ @ @ interference to ask your daughter how often her husband gets upset over things as trivial as a piece of chicken spilling out of his wrap .
Exploding over something so insignificant could be an indication that there is a larger problem that hasn ’ t been dealt with .
It also would not be interfering to let your daughter know that if this happens often , it isn ’ t normal , and that you are — and always will be — there for her if she feels she needs it .
DEAR @ @ @ @ @ @ @ state that has restrictions on gathering for funerals because of the pandemic .
Only those in the household , the mortuary staff and a pastor or other religious officiant can be present at the funeral .
This was a good friend , Abby , someone I had known for 35 years .
He and his wife , also a longtime friend , were in my wedding party .
The sudden loss of this friend saddens me , and it grieves me that I can not offer condolences in person or attend the funeral @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Other readers may also be facing this quandary .
Do you have any suggestions ?
DEAR GRIEVING : Ask your friend ’ s widow if the funeral home can stream the funeral service to friends and extended family who are unable to attend in person .
Call her , extend your condolences , and ask if she needs your help or if she is planning to have a memorial you can attend once the quarantine is lifted .
While you ’ re at it , ask if she would like a contribution in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to a particular organization .
Do not send flowers without first asking because she may be inundated .
And , of course , continue calling to check on her , lift her spirits and allow her to vent if she needs to , which may help her to feel less isolated and vulnerable .
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , @ @ @

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about privacy. No matter when I am in the restroom, my husband feels the need to come in and hang out. Every single day.
I have mentioned over and over that I would prefer some privacy, but he won’t listen. I mean, come on, is nothing sacred? What gives?
EXPOSED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR EXPOSED: You have my sympathy. Your husband either doesn’t respect your need for privacy or has an insatiable desire for a captive audience. The solution to your problem may be as simple as a sturdy lock on your bathroom door.
DEAR ABBY: I have a question about my daughter’s new husband, “Brad.” I haven’t interfered with their marriage and don’t want to, but he seems very moody and barely speaks to me. Just when I think I’ve found a common topic, on the next visit four or five weeks later, he doesn’t say a word.
During my last visit, he got very upset with my daughter because a piece of chicken fell out of his wrap while she was tasting it. She apologized twice, but her eyes were watering when I walked into the room. I wanted so badly to just hug her and ask Brad “What’s wrong with you?”
I have heard his tone before. Should I do anything?
QUESTIONING IN THE SOUTH
DEAR QUESTIONING: If Brad has behaved this way before when you were visiting, is it possible that your visit was inconvenient for him? Could they be having marital problems?
I don’t think it would qualify as interference to ask your daughter how often her husband gets upset over things as trivial as a piece of chicken spilling out of his wrap. Exploding over something so insignificant could be an indication that there is a larger problem that hasn’t been dealt with.
It also would not be interfering to let your daughter know that if this happens often, it isn’t normal, and that you are — and always will be — there for her if she feels she needs it.
DEAR ABBY: A friend died in a state that has restrictions on gathering for funerals because of the pandemic. Only those in the household, the mortuary staff and a pastor or other religious officiant can be present at the funeral.
This was a good friend, Abby, someone I had known for 35 years. He and his wife, also a longtime friend, were in my wedding party. The sudden loss of this friend saddens me, and it grieves me that I cannot offer condolences in person or attend the funeral or support his widow in person. Other readers may also be facing this quandary. Do you have any suggestions?
GRIEVING ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR GRIEVING: Ask your friend’s widow if the funeral home can stream the funeral service to friends and extended family who are unable to attend in person. Call her, extend your condolences, and ask if she needs your help or if she is planning to have a memorial you can attend once the quarantine is lifted.
While you’re at it, ask if she would like a contribution in her late husband’s name made to a particular organization. Do not send flowers without first asking because she may be inundated. And, of course, continue calling to check on her, lift her spirits and allow her to vent if she needs to, which may help her to feel less isolated and vulnerable.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


mercurynews--2020-06-27--San Jose police officers’ racist Facebook posts exposed by blogger

SAN JOSE – A series of bigoted and anti-Muslim Facebook posts linked to a group of retired and active San Jose Police Department officers has been met with swift rebukes from officials , including calls for their firings and a top-down review of cases where they testified in court .
The private group – called 10-7ODSJ , a reference to the police code for “ off duty ” – was the subject of an article posted to Medium on Thursday .
The author , identified only as the partner of a Bay Area police officer , said the piece was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ similar Facebook group plotted violence against Shaun King , an activist and journalist involved in the Black Lives Matter movement .
A retired San Jose police officer , the author said , is a member of both groups .
“ I recognized some of the names , ” the author said in a phone interview Friday .
“ Is this the entire police department ?
No , it ’ s not .
But within the entire police department , people know about it.
” Members of the 10-7ODSJ group shared posts about the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ current officer commenting “ black lives don ’ t really matter ” on a public Facebook post from a retired officer about shootings in Chicago , according to the article .
That same officer was one of several to make anti-Muslim comments on a post inside the group about a Muslim woman whose hijab was pulled off by a Ventura County Sheriff ’ s Office deputy .
“ Hell , I would have pulled it over her face , ” he wrote .
One retired officer wrote , “ If your ( sic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to wear your religious outfits.
” Another suggested using hijabs as nooses , adding a smiling emoji .
The Medium article noted several other instances of 10-7ODSJ members making racist comments , including the degradation of an area of San Jose largely populated by Latino and Vietnamese people .
“ What I just read sickened me and made me sick for our entire community , ” said District Attorney Jeff Rosen in a statement Friday .
“ No one who expresses these types of disgusting , racist comments should ever wear a badge @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Office ’ s Conviction Integrity Unit will immediately begin a comprehensive review of every case in which these officers — active or retired — played a role .
Anyone who writes this kind of trash has no role in our criminal justice system.
” San Jose police Chief Eddie Garcia also vowed to terminate officers involved in the group if they ’ re confirmed as the authors of the posts .
“ If I find there is bigotry involved in these posts by officers , I will move to fire people , ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You can not say this publicly .
You can not say this quietly.
” In a statement , San Jose Police Officers Association President Paul Kelly said the union will take steps to remove from its ranks retired or current officers who were part of the 10-7ODSJ group .
The union , he added , will not provide legal or financial support to any officers who are ultimately charged with wrongdoing by the police department .
“ I am announcing tonight that I am taking swift action against any member of the SJPOA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of hate because there is zero room in our department or our profession for racists , bigots or those that enable them , ” Kelly said Friday .
“ These are initial steps , more will follow in the coming days , ” he continued .
“ To the community we serve , we are sincerely sorry and our actions must rise to meet this terrible stain on our profession.
” Mayor Sam Liccardo called for a “ full investigation ” and said he expected any current officer who made “ racist , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ terminated .
“ Our Chief fired an officer for tweeting a similar statement in 2016 , but an unaccountable arbitrator — immune from public or court review — reversed the termination , and forced the department to reinstate the officer , ” said Liccardo , referring to Officer Phil White , who was terminated for a combative Black Lives Matter tweet but was later reinstated .
“ For that reason , as I articulated in my police reform proposal this week , I will push for changes to a disciplinary process that allows @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Chief , and I will further push for independent investigation of all racially discriminatory conduct , ” he continued .
“ This is precisely why these reforms are so important.
” Raj Jayadev of Silicon Valley De-Bug said the 10-7ODSJ group exposed the need for a deeper set of reforms , including the diversion of funds from the police department to community programs .
“ Off the top , every case these officers have been involved in must be reopened and reinvestigated .
Second , active officers need to be immediately removed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the reality is , this hate-filled racism is just what happened to be found in that Facebook group , ” he continued .
“ The city can ’ t solve this by creating a new office to study the racism , or removing the ‘ bad apples.
’ Through this post , we now have confirmation that the SJPD has been a haven for current and former racists — generational institutional racism .
This is why the community has called for defunding the police.
” The author of the Medium article , meanwhile @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and calls for firings .
The department needs to do more to address “ systemic racism ” within its ranks , the author said , citing as one example the lawsuit Officer Nabil Haidar filed in 2018 .
Haidar , a Lebanese-American , alleged he was subjected to harassment , discrimination and retaliation because of his race , national origin and religion .
The author said the department also needs to promote more officers of color .
“ Them taking action is not the end of the process , ” the author said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beginning , ”

A series of bigoted and anti-Muslim Facebook posts linked to a group of retired and active San Jose Police Department officers has been met with swift rebukes from officials and civil-rights advocates, including calls for their firings and a top-down review of cases where they testified in court.
The private group – called 10-7ODSJ, a reference to the police code for “off duty” – was the subject of an article posted Friday to Medium, an online platform. The author, identified only as the partner of a Bay Area police officer, said the piece was motivated in part by allegations that a similar Facebook group plotted violence against Shaun King, an activist and journalist involved in the Black Lives Matter movement. A retired San Jose police sergeant, the author said, is a member of both groups.
“I recognized some of the names,” the author said in a phone interview Friday. “Is this the entire police department? No, it’s not. But within the entire police department, people know about it.”
San Jose police say four active officers identified as making offensive posts in the group, which has since been taken down, have been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation. Chief Eddie Garcia has also called for the assistance of the FBI, which was already probing the group that targeted King.
“Although I’m disappointed in the way this has come out, if there is one positive thing through this, it is that it has come to light,” Garcia said, and that officers engaging in racist acts “cannot hide anymore.”
Members of the 10-7ODSJ group shared posts about the Black Lives Matter movement, including one current officer commenting that “black lives don’t really matter” on a public Facebook post from a retired officer about shootings in Chicago, according to the article.
That current officer was one of several to make anti-Muslim comments on a post inside the group about a Muslim woman whose hijab was pulled off by a Ventura County Sheriff’s Office deputy. “Hell, I would have pulled it over her face,” he wrote.
One retired officer wrote, “If your (sic) incarcerated you don’t get to wear your religious outfits.” Another suggested using hijabs as nooses, adding a smiling emoji.
Zahra Billoo, the executive director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, San Francisco Bay Area, said that sort of Islamophobic sentiment is concerning no matter who writes it, and is “even more terrifying” coming from police officers.
“How are we supposed to be able to call on these officers to protect our community when this is what they say when they feel as though they are around their peers?” Billoo said Saturday. “I worry that this is not just a few bad officers and this is not just a few bad posts — I’m concerned that other officers knew about these posts and looked the other way.”
The Medium article noted several other instances of 10-7ODSJ members making racist comments, including the degradation of an area of San Jose largely populated by Latino and Vietnamese people.
“No one who expresses these types of disgusting, racist comments should ever wear a badge,” said District Attorney Jeff Rosen in a statement Friday. “This Office’s Conviction Integrity Unit will immediately begin a comprehensive review of every case in which these officers — active or retired — played a role. Anyone who writes this kind of trash has no role in our criminal justice system.”
Garcia also vowed to terminate officers involved in the group if they’re confirmed as the authors of the posts.
“I will move to fire people,” Garcia said in an interview. “You cannot say this publicly. You cannot say this quietly.”
In a statement, San Jose Police Officers Association President Paul Kelly said the union will take steps to remove from its ranks retired or current officers who were part of the 10-7ODSJ group. The union, he added, will not provide legal or financial support to any officers who are ultimately charged with wrongdoing by the police department.
“I am announcing tonight that I am taking swift action against any member of the SJPOA that has participated in this online ring of hate because there is zero room in our department or our profession for racists, bigots or those that enable them,” Kelly said Friday.
“These are initial steps; more will follow in the coming days,” he continued. “To the community we serve, we are sincerely sorry and our actions must rise to meet this terrible stain on our profession.”
Mayor Sam Liccardo called for a “full investigation” and said he expected any current officer who made “racist, anti-Muslim or menacing comments” to be terminated.
“Our Chief fired an officer for tweeting a similar statement in 2016, but an unaccountable arbitrator — immune from public or court review — reversed the termination, and forced the department to reinstate the officer,” said Liccardo, referring to Officer Phil White, who was terminated for a combative Black Lives Matter tweet but was later reinstated.
“I will push for changes to a disciplinary process that allows unaccountable arbitrators to reverse termination decisions of the Chief, and I will further push for independent investigation of all racially discriminatory conduct,” he continued.
A retired San Jose sergeant allegedly involved in both the 10-70DSJ group and the one that plotted violence against King had until this week worked as a part-time officer in the Tracy Police Department. In a statement Thursday, Tracy police said the officer is “no longer conducting work” for the department, and that he “was immediately relieved of duty pending an investigation.” Tracy police did not name the officer, but he has been identified as retired San Jose police Sgt. Billy Dishman.
Raj Jayadev of Silicon Valley De-Bug said the 10-7ODSJ group exposed the need for a deeper set of reforms, including the diversion of funds from the police department to community programs.
“Off the top, every case these officers have been involved in must be reopened and reinvestigated. Second, active officers need to be immediately removed,” Jayadev said.
“And the reality is, this hate-filled racism is just what happened to be found in that Facebook group,” he continued. “The city can’t solve this by creating a new office to study the racism, or removing the ‘bad apples.’ Through this post, we now have confirmation that the SJPD has been a haven for current and former racists — generational institutional racism. This is why the community has called for defunding the police.”
The author of the Medium article, meanwhile, was not satisfied by the rebukes and calls for firings. The department needs to do more to address “systemic racism” within its ranks, the author said, citing as one example the lawsuit Officer Nabil Haidar filed in 2018. Haidar, a Lebanese-American, alleged he was subjected to Islamaphobic harassment, discrimination and retaliation because of his race, national origin and religion.
The author said the department also needs to promote more officers of color.
“Them taking action is not the end of the process,” the author said. “It’s only the beginning.”
Staff writer Nico Savidge contributed to this report.