mercurynews--2020-07-04--Ask Amy: 6 surefire ways to get teens to do household chores

Dear Readers : I recently published a question from a woman who signed her letter “ Exasperated Mom.
” This mom presented an honest and evergreen problem : How to get her three teenagers to help out more at home .
I need to add to my advice to this parent — that the way to get teenagers to help at home is to bring them onto the family team when they are toddlers .
Young children love to help , and when children work alongside their parents , they are learning important life skills .
The reason I didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was because , for her and her husband , that ship had already sailed .
I received scores of responses to this letter , and some were genuinely helpful , others were funny or nostalgic , and some were straight-up bananas ( put all of your kids ’ bedroom furniture , belongings and clothing into a rented storage unit and force them to “ earn ” them back ) .
Here is a sampling of my favorite responses : • Ask Amy : I just realized I don ’ t like my family @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
• Ask Amy : I ’ m engaged to a great guy who just might dump me • Ask Amy : I want to fly the flag on the Fourth but what will people think ?
• Ask Amy : I ’ m afraid my un-American attitudes put people off • Ask Amy : The people in the store freak me out , but I ’ m afraid to confront them Dear Amy : I was so tired of asking my teen daughters to do the same thing over and over again @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one day I made tuna casserole for dinner — a dish they both hate .
For four days in a row , I made tuna casserole for dinner .
I listened to them grumble about how much they hated it , while I told them that I could eat it every day for an entire month .
I never mentioned the chores that weren ’ t getting done .
On the fourth night , my older daughter realized what was happening .
She and her sister took care of the chores that night @ @ @ @ @ @ @ casserole after that , they looked for things that needed to be done .
Dear Amy : I raised two lovely boys , who are now 32 and 29 .
We had the same issues that Exasperated describes .
What really helped was time .
As they experienced difficult roommates at college , they got so much better at seeing what needed to be done .
Once , the youngest was complaining that he was the only roommate that cleaned the bathroom , and I about fell off my chair laughing .
If @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would nag less and enjoy the time with them more .
Dear Amy : “ Exasperated Mom ” complained that no matter what she tried , she could not get her teenagers to pitch in around the house .
A sure-fire way to get their attention is to turn off the wi-fi and lock it up until chores are done .
It ’ s also possible to suspend a phone line instantly and temporarily — a great way to get a teen ’ s attention .
Parenting non-compliant teens is all about leverage @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can move any teen !
Dear Amy : Back in high school , one of my friends didn ’ t do her chore before leaving with us for a party .
Big mistake .
When she got home late that night , the dirty dinner dishes were in her bed .
No lie .
Lesson learned !
( Well , she learned her lesson — my mom was all bark and no bite ! )
Dear Amy : As a parent of four teens , I learned to make a list of possible @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and what was left would be my chores .
It worked so well that I expanded it to Easy Chores , Hard Chores and Disgusting Chores , with a notation of how many they needed to choose on each list .
They treated it like a competition !
This all happened on Saturday morning , and nobody got to leave the house until they did the chores .
If they put their minds to it , they were done in 30 minutes !
Dear Amy : When I was a teenager , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It drove my dad nuts .
Finally , he took everything that was on my bedroom floor and tossed it onto the roof of our home .
When I came home and saw my Air Jordans ( among other things ) on the roof in the rain , I was horrified .
I would also leave my wet towel on the floor .
Dad started shoving it under my covers .
When I ’ d crawl into bed at night , my sheets were damp .
Suffice it to say , I kept @ @ @ @ @ @ @ towel , which I have consistently done since I was a teenager .
Food for thought .
My dad didn ’ t say a word , but I got the message .
( By the way , I ’ m a clean dad now… ) You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy @ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy , P.O .
Box 194 , Freeville , NY 13068 .
You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook .

Dear Readers: I recently published a question from a woman who signed her letter “Exasperated Mom.” This mom presented an honest and evergreen problem: How to get her three teenagers to help out more at home.
I need to add to my advice to this parent — that the way to get teenagers to help at home is to bring them onto the family team when they are toddlers.
Young children love to help, and when children work alongside their parents, they are learning important life skills. The reason I didn’t offer this observation to Exasperated was because, for her and her husband, that ship had already sailed.
I received scores of responses to this letter, and some were genuinely helpful, others were funny or nostalgic, and some were straight-up bananas (put all of your kids’ bedroom furniture, belongings and clothing into a rented storage unit and force them to “earn” them back).
Here is a sampling of my favorite responses:
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Ask Amy: I’ve told them they need therapy, and they refuse to do it. What now? Advice | Ask Amy: The man I love is my grandchild’s uncle, and things have gotten messy Dear Amy: I was so tired of asking my teen daughters to do the same thing over and over again, so I stopped. Instead, one day I made tuna casserole for dinner — a dish they both hate.
For four days in a row, I made tuna casserole for dinner.
I listened to them grumble about how much they hated it, while I told them that I could eat it every day for an entire month. I never mentioned the chores that weren’t getting done.
On the fourth night, my older daughter realized what was happening. She and her sister took care of the chores that night, and any time I made tuna casserole after that, they looked for things that needed to be done.
Noodle This!
Dear Amy: I raised two lovely boys, who are now 32 and 29. We had the same issues that Exasperated describes. What really helped was time. As they experienced difficult roommates at college, they got so much better at seeing what needed to be done.
Once, the youngest was complaining that he was the only roommate that cleaned the bathroom, and I about fell off my chair laughing. If I was given a do-over, I would nag less and enjoy the time with them more.
Enjoying it Now
Dear Amy: “Exasperated Mom” complained that no matter what she tried, she could not get her teenagers to pitch in around the house. A sure-fire way to get their attention is to turn off the wi-fi and lock it up until chores are done. It’s also possible to suspend a phone line instantly and temporarily — a great way to get a teen’s attention.
Parenting non-compliant teens is all about leverage. Find the right lever and you can move any teen!
I’ve Got the Lever
Dear Amy: Back in high school, one of my friends didn’t do her chore before leaving with us for a party. Big mistake. When she got home late that night, the dirty dinner dishes were in her bed. No lie. Lesson learned! (Well, she learned her lesson — my mom was all bark and no bite!)
No Leftovers, Please
Dear Amy: As a parent of four teens, I learned to make a list of possible chores so they could select their own, and what was left would be my chores.
It worked so well that I expanded it to Easy Chores, Hard Chores and Disgusting Chores, with a notation of how many they needed to choose on each list. They treated it like a competition!
This all happened on Saturday morning, and nobody got to leave the house until they did the chores. If they put their minds to it, they were done in 30 minutes!
Turning the Chore Wheel
Dear Amy: When I was a teenager, my room was always a mess. It drove my dad nuts. Finally, he took everything that was on my bedroom floor and tossed it onto the roof of our home.
When I came home and saw my Air Jordans (among other things) on the roof in the rain, I was horrified.
I would also leave my wet towel on the floor. Dad started shoving it under my covers. When I’d crawl into bed at night, my sheets were damp.
Suffice it to say, I kept my room clean and hung up my towel, which I have consistently done since I was a teenager. Food for thought.
My dad didn’t say a word, but I got the message. (By the way, I’m a clean dad now…)
Clean Dad
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Harriette Cole: On this Fourth of July, here’s what freedom means to me

DEAR READERS : Happy Independence Day !
This is the day so many years ago when our country proclaimed its freedom .
For many , it was a happy day .
For some , freedom remained elusive .
Today , in 2020 , our country is grappling with this notion of independence and what it actually means for all citizens .
The contemplation is worthwhile even if it can be difficult .
At times like these , I think of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr .
He said : “ Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
” He @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we are not satisfied , and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters , and righteousness like a mighty stream.
” Isn ’ t that precisely what we have been witnessing in these past few weeks ?
A change began with the sheltering in place that the threat of the insidious disease of COVID-19 brought to our shores , homes and families .
For three months , we have had to be still , to take refuge in our homes and in each other .
During the stillness of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ many people who have said that this has been a time for deep reflection and soul searching .
These questions — “ What is important to me ?
” and “ What do I truly value ?
” — have resonated in many hearts .
And then , just as the quarantine began to be lifted , the deep scar of racism once again showed its ugly head .
But this time , people from coast to coast and the world over stood up and said , “ Enough is enough.
” The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that rang around the world this time .
The call for the end to racial injustice and the senseless profiling and killing specifically of black people has punctured the hearts and minds of most , if not all of us .
• Harriette Cole : Was this just an excuse for him to get rid of me ?
• Harriette Cole : How can I discourage him from joining a toxic fraternity ?
• Harriette Cole : I ’ m 19 , and I think it ’ s time to start a family @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a white immigrant .
What do I need to know ?
As Dr. King said , “ Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
” This time , “ everywhere ” is literally a global experience .
So , what are marchers seeking ?
What are corporations , educational institutions , community centers and families hoping to accomplish as they look with greater scrutiny at the way we treat each other ?
If you listen closely , you will hear that they are rethinking their policies , evaluating the ways in which @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reconsidering curricula to be more inclusive , and refreshing their human resources policies .
I believe that at the core of these discussions is common decency and respect for humanity .
Simple yet profound .
I believe that this notion of independence that our country was built upon is the promise of respect for all at the very depth of our being .
Yes , it pulses in the streets and boardrooms right now as “ Black Lives Matter.
” That makes some people uncomfortable .
But the reason it is a rallying @ @ @ @ @ @ @ considered expendable since the founding of our country .
That needs to end .
The new vision that can guide us into the future is one where everyone is valued .
Everyone is considered worthy of enjoying life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness .
To get there is going to require an unmasking of inaccurate beliefs and deeply ingrained false narratives , as well as an openness to truly seeing each other for who we are .
Justice is rolling down like waters , as Dr. King said .
It ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the waves into a space of freedom for all .
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS , an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams .
You can send questions to askharriette @ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication , 1130 Walnut St. , Kansas City , MO 64106 .

DEAR READERS: Happy Independence Day! This is the day so many years ago when our country proclaimed its freedom. For many, it was a happy day. For some, freedom remained elusive.
Today, in 2020, our country is grappling with this notion of independence and what it actually means for all citizens. The contemplation is worthwhile even if it can be difficult.
At times like these, I think of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He said: “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” He added, “No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
Isn’t that precisely what we have been witnessing in these past few weeks?
A change began with the sheltering in place that the threat of the insidious disease of COVID-19 brought to our shores, homes and families. For three months, we have had to be still, to take refuge in our homes and in each other. During the stillness of the quarantine, I have spoken to many people who have said that this has been a time for deep reflection and soul searching. These questions — “What is important to me?” and “What do I truly value?” — have resonated in many hearts.
And then, just as the quarantine began to be lifted, the deep scar of racism once again showed its ugly head. But this time, people from coast to coast and the world over stood up and said, “Enough is enough.” The outcry for human decency is the shot that rang around the world this time. The call for the end to racial injustice and the senseless profiling and killing specifically of black people has punctured the hearts and minds of most, if not all of us.
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Harriette Cole: I’m ashamed to tell people I forgave my childhood friend Advice | Harriette Cole: I’ve worked hard, and my poor siblings resent my success As Dr. King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” This time, “everywhere” is literally a global experience. So, what are marchers seeking? What are corporations, educational institutions, community centers and families hoping to accomplish as they look with greater scrutiny at the way we treat each other? If you listen closely, you will hear that they are rethinking their policies, evaluating the ways in which they engage their employees and customers, reconsidering curricula to be more inclusive, and refreshing their human resources policies. I believe that at the core of these discussions is common decency and respect for humanity. Simple yet profound. I believe that this notion of independence that our country was built upon is the promise of respect for all at the very depth of our being.
Yes, it pulses in the streets and boardrooms right now as “Black Lives Matter.” That makes some people uncomfortable. But the reason it is a rallying cry is because black lives have been considered expendable since the founding of our country. That needs to end. The new vision that can guide us into the future is one where everyone is valued. Everyone is considered worthy of enjoying life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. To get there is going to require an unmasking of inaccurate beliefs and deeply ingrained false narratives, as well as an openness to truly seeing each other for who we are.
Justice is rolling down like waters, as Dr. King said. It’s time to learn how to ride the waves into a space of freedom for all.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Miss Manners: There’s no emergency, they just scream all the time

DEAR MISS MANNERS : My neighbors ’ children are constantly screaming at the top of their voices when they play .
I was always told that screaming was to be done only in an emergency .
How can I politely ask the neighbors to encourage their children to keep the noise level at a more appropriate volume ?
I ’ m also concerned that the children often play in the street , which is dangerous .
GENTLE READER : Express that concern , in regard to all applicable screaming and playing : “ Is everything all right ?
We heard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ worried .
Also , we know that the streets are quieter than usual right now , but you never know when someone might come out of nowhere and hurt them while they are playing there.
” If you are feeling generous , you might further remind the children about crying wolf , in the terrible event that they do get hurt .
But Miss Manners would not blame you if you decided to enjoy some quiet instead .
• Miss Manners : She exercises during conversations , and nobody knows what to say @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bereaved man was in extremely bad taste • Miss Manners : Yes , I ’ m still alive .
Please stop ‘ checking in.
’ • Miss Manners is horrified by the latest twist on baby showers • Miss Manners : Can I announce my daughter ’ s achievement in a misleading way ?
DEAR MISS MANNERS : Some close family members of mine have become strident in their political views to the point that politics is all they ever talk about .
I find it tiring to listen to nothing but regurgitated @ @ @ @ @ @ @ However , they are rather thin-skinned about any criticisms of their viewpoints , no matter how ridiculous .
These relatives use all types of media to do this : email , telephone , web links , etc .
What is the best way to distract and redirect them — politely , so as not to cause a small nuclear war ?
GENTLE READER : It ’ s not a conversation , nor a correspondence , unless you respond .
When a rant is finished , which happens faster if it is greeted by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to start a new conversation about other , more pleasant topics .
To apply a polite veneer , you could open with , “ There is so much that ’ s awful in the news at the moment that we find ourselves wanting to talk to family about anything else .
How is Aunt Ginny ’ s new ferret ?
” DEAR MISS MANNERS : What is the proper way to eat a cupcake when one is not given a fork ?
Should I ask for a fork ?
I always seem to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ READER : The cupcake is the fried chicken of the dessert world : It should properly be eaten only informally or with family , where it may be picked up with the hands — and the mess and facial decorations are part of the fun .
Since the turn of the modern century , however , it has become common to serve cupcakes at weddings and other formal settings , often without the accompanying and necessary utensils .
The results have been , as you say , a disaster .
Guests have had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even witnessed the advent of frosting sandwiches , where consumers take off the bottom half of the cake and place it on top .
But if hosts insist on serving cupcakes outside of children ’ s birthday parties , their guests will be obliged to ask for the proper implements .
Tablecloths , silk dresses and upper lips will be eternally grateful .
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website , www.missmanners.com ; to her email , dearmissmanners @ gmail.com ; or through postal mail to Miss Manners , Andrews @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kansas City , MO 64106 .

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors’ children are constantly screaming at the top of their voices when they play. I was always told that screaming was to be done only in an emergency.
How can I politely ask the neighbors to encourage their children to keep the noise level at a more appropriate volume?
I’m also concerned that the children often play in the street, which is dangerous.
GENTLE READER: Express that concern, in regard to all applicable screaming and playing: “Is everything all right? We heard screaming coming from your children and got worried. Also, we know that the streets are quieter than usual right now, but you never know when someone might come out of nowhere and hurt them while they are playing there.”
If you are feeling generous, you might further remind the children about crying wolf, in the terrible event that they do get hurt. But Miss Manners would not blame you if you decided to enjoy some quiet instead.
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Miss Manners: She wants to turn our music festival into a get-drunk weekend Advice | Miss Manners: My rule is no gift for a second wedding, no attendance for a third DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some close family members of mine have become strident in their political views to the point that politics is all they ever talk about.
I find it tiring to listen to nothing but regurgitated cable news sound bites from them. However, they are rather thin-skinned about any criticisms of their viewpoints, no matter how ridiculous.
These relatives use all types of media to do this: email, telephone, web links, etc.
What is the best way to distract and redirect them — politely, so as not to cause a small nuclear war?
GENTLE READER: It’s not a conversation, nor a correspondence, unless you respond.
When a rant is finished, which happens faster if it is greeted by silence, it will be your turn to start a new conversation about other, more pleasant topics. To apply a polite veneer, you could open with, “There is so much that’s awful in the news at the moment that we find ourselves wanting to talk to family about anything else. How is Aunt Ginny’s new ferret?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to eat a cupcake when one is not given a fork? Should I ask for a fork? I always seem to make a mess without one.
GENTLE READER: The cupcake is the fried chicken of the dessert world: It should properly be eaten only informally or with family, where it may be picked up with the hands — and the mess and facial decorations are part of the fun.
Since the turn of the modern century, however, it has become common to serve cupcakes at weddings and other formal settings, often without the accompanying and necessary utensils. The results have been, as you say, a disaster.
Guests have had to get creative. Miss Manners has even witnessed the advent of frosting sandwiches, where consumers take off the bottom half of the cake and place it on top.
But if hosts insist on serving cupcakes outside of children’s birthday parties, their guests will be obliged to ask for the proper implements. Tablecloths, silk dresses and upper lips will be eternally grateful.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Dear Abby: My wife refuses to get a job because it’s not her ‘best self’

DEAR ABBY : Years ago , my wife and I decided together that I would work and she would raise the kids .
Well , times and the economy have changed .
We need a second income .
Even a part-time retail job would help tremendously right now .
I have made countless sacrifices to keep our home and lifestyle afloat .
All the while she refuses to pursue anything except what she believes to be “ her purpose ” or what represents her “ best self.
” What about me ?
My health ?
Our home ?
Our children @ @ @ @ @ @ @ job that she might not be crazy about for a decent paycheck so we can save a little and not have to worry about how much our prescription costs are ?
My resentment is growing .
I work 60 hours a week and gave up a career I loved .
Am I asking too much ?
• Dear Abby : I tried to be nice to my unkempt neighbor , and I was stunned by his response • Dear Abby : This conniving child is driving us apart • Dear Abby : I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ my husband is doing • Dear Abby : My husband makes fun of me because I have cancer • Dear Abby : I ’ m the kid he left behind .
Do I owe him anything now ?
DEAR RESENTFUL : No , you are not asking too much .
Times have indeed changed , and your wife needs to wake up and accept that her dream job may have to be postponed because of circumstances beyond her ( and your ) control .
Successful marriages are partnerships , and because being the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that you would write to me about it , it ’ s time your wife took her head out of the clouds and faced reality .
If a second income will take some of the stress off your shoulders , she needs to step forward for the sake of you and the children .
DEAR ABBY : I have a daughter-in-law I love to pieces and would never intentionally hurt in any way .
I recently had contact with my son ’ s ex-girlfriend , “ Kayley.
” She had seen me at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ came by our house for a visit .
She and my son were very young when they dated ( high school ) and haven ’ t spoken to each other in years .
I stayed in contact with her off and on over the years because I always thought a lot of her .
Both of them have married others and created their own lives .
Our son and his wife live next door to us and were out of town the day Kayley stopped by but returned before she left .
My @ @ @ @ @ @ @ my daughter-in-law won ’ t speak to me .
I tried to talk to her and would apologize if I had the chance , but she sent me a text saying I had crossed a line and how inconsiderate it was of me having Kayley drop by .
She said it made her feel small and uncomfortable ( they only saw her from a distance and didn ’ t even know who it was at first ) .
Was I wrong for staying in contact with my son ’ s high school ex-girlfriend @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to come by ?
What ’ s the best way to handle this because I want to keep peace in our family ?
DEAR M.I.L .
: You weren ’ t wrong to stay in touch with someone you liked .
And you should be free to entertain anyone you like in your home .
It strikes me as sad that your daughter-in-law would react the way she has .
It shows how deeply insecure she is .
Because you want to keep peace in the family , refrain from having Kayley over @ @ @ @ @ @ @ if she asks you why , explain that it made your daughter-in-law uncomfortable .
DEAR READERS : Have a very happy and healthy Fourth of July , everyone .
And please , be safe !
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren , also known as Jeanne Phillips , and was founded by her mother , Pauline Phillips .
Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O .
Box 69440 , Los Angeles , CA 90069 .

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my wife and I decided together that I would work and she would raise the kids. Well, times and the economy have changed. We need a second income.
Even a part-time retail job would help tremendously right now. I have made countless sacrifices to keep our home and lifestyle afloat. All the while she refuses to pursue anything except what she believes to be “her purpose” or what represents her “best self.”
What about me? My health? Our home? Our children and their education? How about a job that she might not be crazy about for a decent paycheck so we can save a little and not have to worry about how much our prescription costs are?
My resentment is growing. I work 60 hours a week and gave up a career I loved. Am I asking too much?
RESENTFUL IN THE MIDWEST
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Dear Abby: Our teen’s messy breakup has had awkward repercussions for us Advice | Dear Abby: I was annoyed to discover why our friends picked this restaurant DEAR RESENTFUL: No, you are not asking too much. Times have indeed changed, and your wife needs to wake up and accept that her dream job may have to be postponed because of circumstances beyond her (and your) control.
Successful marriages are partnerships, and because being the sole wage earner has become so stressful that you would write to me about it, it’s time your wife took her head out of the clouds and faced reality. If a second income will take some of the stress off your shoulders, she needs to step forward for the sake of you and the children.
DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter-in-law I love to pieces and would never intentionally hurt in any way.
I recently had contact with my son’s ex-girlfriend, “Kayley.” She had seen me at church with them, contacted me and came by our house for a visit.
She and my son were very young when they dated (high school) and haven’t spoken to each other in years. I stayed in contact with her off and on over the years because I always thought a lot of her. Both of them have married others and created their own lives.
Our son and his wife live next door to us and were out of town the day Kayley stopped by but returned before she left. My son chewed me out, and now my daughter-in-law won’t speak to me. I tried to talk to her and would apologize if I had the chance, but she sent me a text saying I had crossed a line and how inconsiderate it was of me having Kayley drop by. She said it made her feel small and uncomfortable (they only saw her from a distance and didn’t even know who it was at first).
Was I wrong for staying in contact with my son’s high school ex-girlfriend? Was I wrong for inviting her to come by? What’s the best way to handle this because I want to keep peace in our family?
MONSTER-IN-LAW IN TEXAS
DEAR M.I.L.: You weren’t wrong to stay in touch with someone you liked. And you should be free to entertain anyone you like in your home. It strikes me as sad that your daughter-in-law would react the way she has. It shows how deeply insecure she is.
Because you want to keep peace in the family, refrain from having Kayley over, and see her elsewhere.
And if she asks you why, explain that it made your daughter-in-law uncomfortable.
DEAR READERS: Have a very happy and healthy Fourth of July, everyone. And please, be safe!
LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--San Jose firefighters put out 10-acre vegetation fire near Happy Hollow Park & Zoo

As many as 40 firefighters battled a vegetation fire on Remillard Court in San Jose , across the street from @ @ @ @ @ Zoo , on Friday , according to a fire official .
“ It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ have fires in during the summertime , ” said San Jose Fire Department Captain Brad @ @ @ @ @ the fire for about two hours , Cloutier said , and the blaze eventually consumed @ @ @ @ @ no structures were threatened and there were no injuries .
“ Our concerns today , @ @ @ @ @ of a breeze this afternoon , obviously it ’ s been dry , ” he @ @ @ @ @ able to get crews around it , get lines around it.
” The fire has @ @ @ @ @ cause of the blaze is under investigation .

As many as 40 firefighters battled a vegetation fire on Remillard Court in San Jose, across the street from the Happy Hollow Park & Zoo, on Friday, according to a fire official.
“It’s an area that we frequently have fires in during the summertime,” said San Jose Fire Department Captain Brad Cloutier.
Crews were at the fire for about two hours, Cloutier said, and the blaze eventually consumed about 10 acres, although no structures were threatened and there were no injuries.
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The fire has since been contained and the cause of the blaze is under investigation.


mercurynews--2020-07-05--‘Native Lands’ graffiti in Fremont mission being investigated as hate crime

Graffiti that says “ Native Land ” in red paint on The Mission San Jose in Fremont is being investigated as a hate crime , the police department said in a news release on Saturday .
The graffiti , which includes splatters of paint that the Fremont Police Department said simulated blood , was painted on the side of a church on the mission grounds .
A photo of the graffiti shows the writing on both sides of a wooden door decorated with a red , white and blue half-circle banner .
It was reported to morning patrol officers and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in its news release .
“ The Fremont Police Department takes these matters seriously and will dedicate appropriate resources to this investigation , ” the agency said .
“ Fremont does not tolerate hate and will ask the Alameda County District Attorney to fully prosecute those who are found responsible for this crime.
” A spokesperson with the police department said a hate crime includes any crimes where the victims were targeted for a protected class , which includes religion .
Volunteers cleaning up the paint criticized the action , saying it didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people in the state .
said he didn ’ t believe Indigenous people were behind the vandalism .
“ This is a catholic church , this is where I pray , ” said Andrew Galvan , who describes himself as an Ohlone Indian descendant .
“ Not only is this vandalism , this is desecration of a sacred site.
” Also critical was Dave Rosetto , of Fremont , who also at the church on Saturday afternoon helping clean .
“ I ’ d like somebody to show me what good came out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The legacy of California ’ s missions and the genocide of the state ’ s original Indigenous inhabitants has come under higher scrutiny in recent weeks , with protesters toppling a statue in Golden Gate Park of Junipero Serra , founder of multiple missions where Indigenous people were mistreated and forced to convert to Catholicism throughout the U.S. and Mexico .
Last year Gov .
Gavin Newsom issued an apology in front of Indigenous leaders for the state ’ s role in what he said could only be described as genocide .

Graffiti that says “Native Land” in red paint on the Mission San Jose in Fremont is being investigated as a hate crime, the police department said in a news release on Saturday.
The graffiti, which includes splatters of paint that the Fremont Police Department said simulated blood, was painted on the side of a church on the mission grounds. A photo of the graffiti shows the writing on both sides of a wooden door decorated with a red, white and blue half-circle banner. It was reported to morning patrol officers and was painted overnight, the department said in its news release.
“The Fremont Police Department takes these matters seriously and will dedicate appropriate resources to this investigation,” the agency said. “Fremont does not tolerate hate and will ask the Alameda County District Attorney to fully prosecute those who are found responsible for this crime.”
A spokesperson with the police department said a hate crime includes any crimes where the victims were targeted for a protected class, which includes religion.
Volunteers cleaning up the paint criticized the action, saying it didn’t advance the cause of Indigenous people in the state. Andrew Galvan, who describes himself as an Ohlone Indian, said he didn’t believe Indigenous people were behind the vandalism.
“This is a Catholic Church, this is where I pray,” Galvan said. “Not only is this vandalism, this is desecration of a sacred site.”
Also critical was Dave Rosetto, of Fremont, who was also at the church on Saturday afternoon helping to clean.
“I’d like somebody to show me what good came out of this,” Rosetto said.
The legacy of California’s missions and the genocide of the state’s original Indigenous inhabitants has come under higher scrutiny in recent weeks, with protesters toppling a statue in Golden Gate Park of Junipero Serra, founder of multiple missions where Indigenous people were mistreated and forced to convert to Catholicism throughout the U.S. and Mexico.
Last year Gov. Gavin Newsom issued an apology in front of Indigenous leaders for the state’s role in what he said could only be described as genocide.


mercurynews--2020-07-05--“I have to train myself like you train a dog:” A’s adjusting to new normal back at the Coliseum

It took until Independence Day weekend for the Oakland Coliseum gates to open up .
But , this Fourth of July looked a little different .
There were no families packing the stands under the day game sun , no pomp or circumstance .
Instead , the Coliseum seats hosted a select few media and staff to witness the start of A ’ s summer camp .
“ I ’ ve only seen three catchers so far , ” manager Bob Melvin prior to the first workouts of the day .
Pitchers and catchers , who arrive a day prior @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are scheduled for staggered stretch times and workout times .
At least the crack of the bat provided some normalcy .
Melvin , closer Liam Hendriks and catcher Sean Murphy shared their thoughts on a strange day .
How are the A ’ s adapting to the new protocols ?
“ I have to train myself like you train a dog , ” Hendriks said .
“ Pick a ball up , refrain from going to my mouth , and I usually get a treat after that.
” “ Spitting , ” Murphy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
“ I spit a lot.
” Perhaps the oddest feeling was the lack of camaraderie .
Players can ’ t eat together , talk with each other .
The weight room is outside .
The card games they played every day for hours prior to first pitch would be no more .
“ All of it is weird , ” Murphy said .
Reliever Jake Diekman , who is diagnosed with ulcerative colitis , opted to play this season despite being high-risk .
Keeping the bubble intact is imperative .
“ You @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , for teammates and their families .
And guys like Jake , ” Melvin said .
“ It ’ s very important for us to take this seriously .
It ’ s only for a few months.
” “ It ’ ll take a bit to get used to , ” Hendriks said .
“ But once you put the fear of god in guys , that this is not only something that can make guys unhealthy , but can theoretically kill some guys on the team , hopefully they ’ ll take @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get a drink or something on the road.
” Despite having some health risks of his own , Hendriks said he never considered not playing this season .
• Summer camp preview : With some A ’ s questions from Spring answered , new ones arise • What will baseball look like ?
A refresher on MLB ’ s new rules for the 60-game season • More small ball ?
How the Oakland A ’ s might combat a slow start • Will Alameda County ’ s decision to pause reopening impact the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ expected to be on schedule “ If you put me in a game tomorrow , I ’ ll be ready to go , ” Hendriks said .
Hendriks strained his oblique two weeks into quarantine after “ trying to throw the ball too hard ” in a throwing contest with some fellow pitchers he worked with during the hiatus .
“ I was trying to beat Matt Liberatore , the guy with the ( St. Louis ) Cardinals , ” he said .
He had plenty of time in the last months to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to hitters last Friday , he said , including some high school kids in the Bay Area .
Based on conversations Melvin had with the pitching staff , it seems the majority are ready to face live hitting .
Most pitchers have been able to keep up their arm strength , too .
Just ask Murphy , who caught Frankie Montas ’ bullpen .
With a projected 15 pitchers on the roster , the A ’ s can get creative with how they deploy their arms .
“ A lot of it will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ our starters are , ” Melvin said .
“ We basically have 6-to-5 with ( Chris ) Bassitt .
If we feel like our starters can go out there and give us five innings when the season starts , we can go out there with a five-man rotation .
A lot will be decided in the next few weeks depending on health , pitch counts and so forth.
” The rosters might be set “ We have a pretty good idea , barring health issues , what we want to do with the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have a good idea of what 28 and 26 are going to look like , too , ” Melvin said .
Here ’ s a breakdown of our projection for the 30-man roster , though this came before the A ’ s traded infielder Jorge Mateo to the San Diego Padres .
There are 31 players on the 40-man roster due at camp in Oakland — one of those players is Daniel Mengden , who is still on the 60-day IL .
Out of options and healthy , Mengden could sneak his way @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s 15 pitchers .
And catcher Jonah Heim could be optioned to the alternate training site or possibly added to the taxi squad .
Will there be more small ball ?
The playoff implications riding on every at-bat in this truncated 60-game season could shift how the game is played a bit .
Even new Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim manager Joe Maddon said there could be “ more of a baseball playoff methodology ” in at bats — more hit-and-runs , bunts , stolen bases .
The A ’ s practiced @ @ @ @ @ @ @ against the Tampa Bay Rays .
Situational hitting was a focus in spring training this season , and A ’ s assistant hitting coach Eric Martins reiterated that the A ’ s will make an effort to integrate more small ball in 2020 .
“ Knowing every game counts , we have to stress that , ” he said .
“ And guys will have to have that situational hitting mindset , whether it ’ s putting a bunt down , doing what you can to get a guy over.
” Of course @ @ @ @ @ @ @ too prominent a role in the offense , Melvin said .
Though , finding ways to sneak some runners around the bases may be more of a factor in tighter games or against particularly hard-throwing closers in extra innings .

It took until Independence Day weekend for the Oakland Coliseum gates to open up.
But, this Fourth of July looked a little different. There were no families packing the stands under the day game sun, no pomp or circumstance. Instead, the Coliseum seats hosted a select few media and staff to witness the start of A’s summer camp.
“I’ve only seen three catchers so far,” manager Bob Melvin prior to the first workouts of the day.
Pitchers and catchers, who arrive a day prior to the rest of the squad, are scheduled for staggered stretch times and workout times. At least the crack of the bat provided some normalcy.
Melvin, closer Liam Hendriks and catcher Sean Murphy shared their thoughts on a strange day.
How are the A’s adapting to the new protocols?
“I have to train myself like you train a dog,” Hendriks said. “Pick a ball up, refrain from going to my mouth, and I usually get a treat after that.”
“Spitting,” Murphy said of the hardest habit to break. “I spit a lot.”
Perhaps the oddest feeling was the lack of camaraderie. Players can’t eat together, talk with each other. The weight room is outside. The card games they played every day for hours prior to first pitch would be no more.
“All of it is weird,” Murphy said.
The importance of staying safe
Reliever Jake Diekman, who is diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, opted to play this season despite being high-risk. Keeping the bubble intact is imperative.
“You do this for yourself, your family, for teammates and their families. And guys like Jake,” Melvin said. “It’s very important for us to take this seriously. It’s only for a few months.”
“It’ll take a bit to get used to,” Hendriks said. “But once you put the fear of god in guys, that this is not only something that can make guys unhealthy, but can theoretically kill some guys on the team, hopefully they’ll take this seriously and suppress the need to get a drink or something on the road.”
Despite having some health risks of his own, Hendriks said he never considered not playing this season.
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“If you put me in a game tomorrow, I’ll be ready to go,” Hendriks said.
Hendriks strained his oblique two weeks into quarantine after “trying to throw the ball too hard” in a throwing contest with some fellow pitchers he worked with during the hiatus.
“I was trying to beat Matt Liberatore, the guy with the (St. Louis) Cardinals,” he said.
He had plenty of time in the last months to recuperate and get stretched. He threw to hitters last Friday, he said, including some high school kids in the Bay Area.
Based on conversations Melvin had with the pitching staff, it seems the majority are ready to face live hitting. Most pitchers have been able to keep up their arm strength, too. Just ask Murphy, who caught Frankie Montas’ bullpen.
“My hand is pretty sore,” Murphy said.
With a projected 15 pitchers on the roster, the A’s can get creative with how they deploy their arms.
“A lot of it will have to do with where we feel our starters are,” Melvin said. “We basically have 6-to-5 with (Chris) Bassitt. If we feel like our starters can go out there and give us five innings when the season starts, we can go out there with a five-man rotation. A lot will be decided in the next few weeks depending on health, pitch counts and so forth.”
The rosters might be set
“We have a pretty good idea, barring health issues, what we want to do with the 30 to start already. We probably have a good idea of what 28 and 26 are going to look like, too,” Melvin said.
Here’s a breakdown of our projection for the 30-man roster, though this came before the A’s traded infielder Jorge Mateo to the San Diego Padres. There are 31 players on the 40-man roster due at camp in Oakland — one of those players is Daniel Mengden, who is still on the 60-day IL. Out of options and healthy, Mengden could sneak his way into the roster to give the A’s 15 pitchers. And catcher Jonah Heim could be optioned to the alternate training site or possibly added to the taxi squad.
Will there be more small ball?
The playoff implications riding on every at-bat in this truncated 60-game season could shift how the game is played a bit.
Even new Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim manager Joe Maddon said there could be “more of a baseball playoff methodology” in at bats — more hit-and-runs, bunts, stolen bases.
The A’s practiced bunting prior to the wild card game against the Tampa Bay Rays. Situational hitting was a focus in spring training this season, and A’s assistant hitting coach Eric Martins reiterated that the A’s will make an effort to integrate more small ball in 2020.
“Knowing every game counts, we have to stress that,” he said. “And guys will have to have that situational hitting mindset, whether it’s putting a bunt down, doing what you can to get a guy over.”
Of course, small ball won’t play too prominent a role in the offense, Melvin said. Though, finding ways to sneak some runners around the bases may be more of a factor in tighter games or against particularly hard-throwing closers in extra innings.


mercurynews--2020-07-05--‘Independence for whom?’: Bay Area marks Fourth of July with protests, parades, at-home firework sho

‘Independence for whom?’: Bay Area marks Fourth of July with protests, parades, at-home firework shows

Bay Area residents marked a Fourth of July overshadowed by a worsening pandemic and civil unrest over long-simmering racism and police violence with protests , demonstrations — and some old-fashioned parades and firework shows .
In Oakland , hundreds of demonstrators rallied at Frank H. Ogawa Plaza before marching up Broadway , denouncing the national holiday .
The vast majority of the crowd wore masks , many dressed in black .
“ This is the most fitting way to celebrate the Fourth of July — this year and every year , ” said Zohra Rahimi .
The 17-year-old marched while @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Fourth is a celebration of historical fallacy.
” “ This year has been a wake-up call , ” Rahimi said .
“ We can ’ t celebrate this holiday until we have independence for all.
” As they marched , a few protesters lit deafening firecrackers that boomed off downtown Oakland ’ s newly constructed apartment buildings .
The crowd chanted , “ Black people used to live here , ” and “ How do you spell racist ?
O-P-D. ” Ehryn Ortega , a 22-year-old who came to the protest from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one of several marchers who said they have long had conflicted feelings about the Fourth of July given how incongruous its message of freedom and equality has been with America ’ s history of slavery and racism .
“ It has definitely been an odd holiday to celebrate as a Black person in the United States , ” Ortega said .
In prior years , her family has spent the day getting together at barbecues , where she said the mood is both celebratory and reflective .
With those gatherings out of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about staying home , but donned a pair of black fist earrings and headed to the protest instead .
At Lake Merritt , hundreds of people gathered for protests and barbecuing — an activity that itself became increasingly political after a White woman called police officers on a group of Black men cooking at the lake in 2018 , spurring an annual BBQing While Black gathering .
Some vendors at the lake sold T-shirts of George Floyd , a Black man killed by police in Minnesota in May .
The killing of Floyd @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on his neck for more than 8 minutes , and of Breonna Taylor , a Black emergency room technician , shot to death in her own home in Louisville by police officers who forced their way in with a no-knock warrant , sparked weeks of protests nationwide .
Some Bay Area cities , under pressure from the sustained protests , have started to shift some funding away from police toward Black communities amid larger policing reforms .
While official firework shows have been canceled throughout most of the Bay Area to limit crowds @ @ @ @ @ @ @ residents have been holding their own shows throughout the region , sometimes to the chagrin of their neighbors .
Sales in cities where fireworks are allowed , including Dublin , Newark , Union City and San Bruno were booming earlier in the week , and an official firework show at Gilroy High School was scheduled to take place Saturday night , although parking at the school has been closed and residents were advised to enjoy the festivities from their own homes .
In Fremont , a nonprofit that normally organizes the city ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ porch version of the festivities .
Homes and businesses were decked out in U.S. flags competed for awards in categories including most patriotic , most outstanding decorations and spirit of freedom for the entrant with the most inspiring message .
And in San Jose , some neighbors gathered outside their homes for the annual Naglee Park car parade , watching decorated BMWs , Westfalia vans and a ’ 41 Chevy truck pass by .
On Empire Street , a couple of hundred protesters danced on the streets while listening to hip-hop music as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ closed-off blocks of the street .
That gathering was organized in conjunction with the family of Anthony Nunez , an 18-year-old East San Jose resident who was killed by San Jose police officers on this day four years ago .

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Bay Area residents marked a Fourth of July overshadowed by a worsening pandemic and civil unrest over long-simmering racism and police violence with protests, demonstrations — and some old-fashioned parades and firework shows.
In Oakland, hundreds of demonstrators rallied at Frank H. Ogawa Plaza before marching up Broadway, denouncing the national holiday. The vast majority of the crowd wore masks, many dressed in black.
“This is the most fitting way to celebrate the Fourth of July — this year and every year,” said Zohra Rahimi. The 17-year-old marched while holding a sign that read, “The Fourth is a celebration of historical fallacy.”
“This year has been a wake-up call,” Rahimi said. “We can’t celebrate this holiday until we have independence for all.”
As they marched, a few protesters lit deafening firecrackers that boomed off downtown Oakland’s newly constructed apartment buildings. The crowd chanted, “Black people used to live here,” and “How do you spell racist? O-P-D.”
Ehryn Ortega, a 22-year-old who came to the protest from Hayward along with her parents, was one of several marchers who said they have long had conflicted feelings about the Fourth of July given how incongruous its message of freedom and equality has been with America’s history of slavery and racism.
“It has definitely been an odd holiday to celebrate as a Black person in the United States,” Ortega said.
In prior years, her family has spent the day getting together at barbecues, where she said the mood is both celebratory and reflective. With those gatherings out of the question because of coronavirus, Ortega thought about staying home, but donned a pair of black fist earrings and headed to the protest instead.
“You celebrate independence — independence for whom?” she asked.
At Lake Merritt, hundreds of people gathered for protests and barbecuing — an activity that itself became increasingly political after a White woman called police officers on a group of Black men cooking at the lake in 2018, spurring an annual BBQing While Black gathering. Some vendors at the lake sold T-shirts of George Floyd, a Black man killed by police in Minnesota in May.
The killing of Floyd by a police officer, who knelt on his neck for more than 8 minutes, and of Breonna Taylor, a Black emergency room technician, shot to death in her own home in Louisville by police officers who forced their way in with a no-knock warrant, sparked weeks of protests nationwide. Some Bay Area cities, under pressure from the sustained protests, have started to shift some funding away from police toward Black communities amid larger policing reforms.
While official firework shows have been canceled throughout most of the Bay Area to limit crowds and prevent the spread of coronavirus, residents have been holding their own shows throughout the region, sometimes to the chagrin of their neighbors. Sales in cities where fireworks are allowed, including Dublin, Newark, Union City and San Bruno were booming earlier in the week, and an official firework show at Gilroy High School was scheduled to take place Saturday night, although parking at the school has been closed and residents were advised to enjoy the festivities from their own homes.
In Fremont, a nonprofit that normally organizes the city’s Fourth of July parade organized a porch version of the festivities. Homes and businesses were decked out in U.S. flags competed for awards in categories including most patriotic, most outstanding decorations and spirit of freedom for the entrant with the most inspiring message.
And in San Jose, some neighbors gathered outside their homes for the annual Naglee Park car parade, watching decorated BMWs, Westfalia vans and a ’41 Chevy truck pass by. On Empire Street, a couple of hundred protesters danced on the streets while listening to hip-hop music as volunteers painted Black Lives Matter across three closed-off blocks of the street. That gathering was organized in conjunction with the family of Anthony Nunez, an 18-year-old East San Jose resident who was killed by San Jose police officers on this day four years ago.
Photographer Karl Mondon contributed to this report


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Coronavirus: A different kind of Fourth of July celebration

Independence Day is a federal holiday , commemorating the July 2 signing of the Declaration of Independence of the United States from Great Britain ’ s rule .
Two days later , on July 4 , 1776 , the document was approved , so it is on this date the country celebrates its independence .
Upon this momentous occasion , John Adams wrote to his wife , Abigail , “ The second day of July 1776 , will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America .
I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance , by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty .
It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade , with shows , games , sports , guns , bells , bonfires , and illuminations , from one end of this continent to the other , from this time forward forevermore.
” And so , it has .
Yet historically , during wartime and pandemics , the country has downshifted from spectacular to more subtle celebrations .
After all , independence during @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with COVID precautions , this year , there was no “ pomp and parade.
” Large-scale firework celebrations were canceled , beaches were closed , block parties were pared down or postponed .
Traditional celebrations in Pacific Grove and Monterey were modified to include social distancing .
And many local people just stayed home .
Recognizing the tradition and significance of gathering this weekend , Montage Health and Salinas Valley Memorial Healthcare System issued advisories to wear masks , wash hands , and wait our turn , keeping a social distance of 6 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the community to “ be home , be safe , be patient , be selfless.
” Just days before the Fourth , plenty of people had not yet decided how to observe the holiday – or if they should .
Jessicah and Roxby Hartley are known as a super social , community-oriented couple , who love to entertain and do so spontaneously during the week .
Although used to a parade of people through their Carmel home , since the advent of COVID-19 , they have become very careful and actually uncomfortable inviting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of July .
“ We usually coordinate with neighbors and have a huge Fourth of July shindig of 100 people , maybe more , ” said Jessicah Hartley .
“ We go all out with an explosion of red , white , and blue in the yard .
We barbecue , everyone brings food to share , and we celebrate together , feeling a great sense of community and gratitude.
” This year , the Hartleys had a hard time coming up with ways to celebrate friends and family from a distance .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ – a little .
They would barbecue and have apple pie .
And they would celebrate with others doing the same , via Zoom video conferencing – apart , together .
“ For us , the Fourth of July is about our friends and family , ” Hartley said .
“ We see Independence Day as a celebration of unity and connection , not division .
Our goal was to come up with a way to stay connected even as we had to celebrate independently.
” Carmel Mayor Dave Potter has always returned @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to celebrate the Fourth of July .
He and his wife Janine would visit his mother , Ruth , and then witness an epic parade through town , before heading to the yacht club for lunch .
Later , with wine in hand , they ’ d watch a huge fireworks display over Hingham Harbor .
Even after Ruth died two years ago , they continued to return to Hingham for what Potter considers the most patriotic July Fourth celebration , ever .
But not this year .
This year , Hingham was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we visited Janine ’ s stepdad , 99 , her mother , 96 , and her aunt , 97 , at Del Mesa Carmel , for a social-distance hot dog roast , around noon .
Then , Janine and I did a little New England lobster bake at home , with a classic ‘ shore dinner ’ of lobster , corn-on-the-cob , and boiled red potatoes .
Due to social-distance issues , we stayed out of the public mainstream , doing the holiday in a much different manner than usual.
” While living @ @ @ @ @ @ @ family attended huge Fourth of July festivals , food events , and fireworks shows .
After moving to California , they would head to the Hamptons , where the Carmel Valley family spent their days sunning on the beach , and their evenings catching fireflies , watching fireworks , roasting marshmallows .
This year , they were going to Greece .
Once their trip was canceled , they decided to stay home and maybe accept an invitation to a gathering among a close group of friends .
Or maybe just stay home .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the right way to celebrate this holiday , ” said Staehle .
“ There was no parade , no pancake breakfast , and with all the reports of COVID-19 cases going up , we wanted to be careful .
But how would we keep four teens from socializing on the most social holiday of the year ?
If we stayed home , was I going to the effort of putting up red , white , and blue for no one to see ?
It felt like a canceled holiday.
” James Kellogg was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ July celebration .
Last year , the general manager of Carmel Valley Athletic Club hosted his traditional poolside celebration , with two bounce houses , face-painting , a watermelon-eating contest , and barbecue lunch .
He even removed all the lane ropes in the pool for open-water , social swimming .
This year , it ’ s all about social distance .
With the club so recently reopened , and lap swimming allowed by reservation only , Kellogg decided the best way to celebrate club members was to do nothing to shake their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get back in the water .
“ I ’ m an event kind of person , ” he said , “ and the Fourth of July is our biggest event of the year , which contributes to the social aspect of the club , giving people a sense of community , of belonging .
Unfortunately , we couldn ’ t celebrate this year , but it was the right decision .
Next year , when people can finally exhale , we ’ ll set a record for the best party we ’ ve @ @ @ @ @ @ @ July celebrations was perhaps Monterey County ’ s best pledge to help residents regain independence as we continue to maintain social distance , so COVID can die of loneliness .
Yet still , we came up with things to do , whether it was at home , streaming the Monterey County Pops !
Independence Day Concert , hiking along wooded trails , just in time to watch another sunset – from a social distance .
• ‘ Independence for whom ?
’ : Bay Area marks Fourth of July with protests , parades @ @ @ @ @ @ @ spikes , Bay Area residents venture out for 4th of July “ Of course people were anxious to be together on the Fourth of July , ” said Potter , “ but it was even more important to practice social distancing .
Even on a holiday , we couldn ’ t take COVID casually .
With numbers going in the wrong direction , we need to be more cautious than ever .
That will lead us to our real Independence Day .
”

Independence Day is a federal holiday, commemorating the July 2 signing of the Declaration of Independence of the United States from Great Britain’s rule. Two days later, on July 4, 1776, the document was approved, so it is on this date the country celebrates its independence.
Upon this momentous occasion, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, “The second day of July 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forevermore.”
And so, it has. Yet historically, during wartime and pandemics, the country has downshifted from spectacular to more subtle celebrations. After all, independence during quarantine seems like an oxymoron. Commensurate with COVID precautions, this year, there was no “pomp and parade.” Large-scale firework celebrations were canceled, beaches were closed, block parties were pared down or postponed. Traditional celebrations in Pacific Grove and Monterey were modified to include social distancing. And many local people just stayed home.
Recognizing the tradition and significance of gathering this weekend, Montage Health and Salinas Valley Memorial Healthcare System issued advisories to wear masks, wash hands, and wait our turn, keeping a social distance of 6 feet apart. Public service messages urged the community to “be home, be safe, be patient, be selfless.”
Just days before the Fourth, plenty of people had not yet decided how to observe the holiday – or if they should.
Jessicah and Roxby Hartley are known as a super social, community-oriented couple, who love to entertain and do so spontaneously during the week. Although used to a parade of people through their Carmel home, since the advent of COVID-19, they have become very careful and actually uncomfortable inviting people in. Particularly on the Fourth of July.
“We usually coordinate with neighbors and have a huge Fourth of July shindig of 100 people, maybe more,” said Jessicah Hartley. “We go all out with an explosion of red, white, and blue in the yard. We barbecue, everyone brings food to share, and we celebrate together, feeling a great sense of community and gratitude.”
This year, the Hartleys had a hard time coming up with ways to celebrate friends and family from a distance. Ultimately, they decided they would decorate – a little. They would barbecue and have apple pie. And they would celebrate with others doing the same, via Zoom video conferencing – apart, together.
“For us, the Fourth of July is about our friends and family,” Hartley said. “We see Independence Day as a celebration of unity and connection, not division. Our goal was to come up with a way to stay connected even as we had to celebrate independently.”
Change of plans
Carmel Mayor Dave Potter has always returned to his roots in Hingham, Massachusetts to celebrate the Fourth of July. He and his wife Janine would visit his mother, Ruth, and then witness an epic parade through town, before heading to the yacht club for lunch. Later, with wine in hand, they’d watch a huge fireworks display over Hingham Harbor. Even after Ruth died two years ago, they continued to return to Hingham for what Potter considers the most patriotic July Fourth celebration, ever.
But not this year. This year, Hingham was not happening.
“This year, we visited Janine’s stepdad, 99, her mother, 96, and her aunt, 97, at Del Mesa Carmel, for a social-distance hot dog roast, around noon. Then, Janine and I did a little New England lobster bake at home, with a classic ‘shore dinner’ of lobster, corn-on-the-cob, and boiled red potatoes. Due to social-distance issues, we stayed out of the public mainstream, doing the holiday in a much different manner than usual.”
While living in Chicago, Carolyn Staehle and her family attended huge Fourth of July festivals, food events, and fireworks shows. After moving to California, they would head to the Hamptons, where the Carmel Valley family spent their days sunning on the beach, and their evenings catching fireflies, watching fireworks, roasting marshmallows.
This year, they were going to Greece.
Once their trip was canceled, they decided to stay home and maybe accept an invitation to a gathering among a close group of friends. Or maybe just stay home.
“It was so hard to decide the right way to celebrate this holiday,” said Staehle. “There was no parade, no pancake breakfast, and with all the reports of COVID-19 cases going up, we wanted to be careful. But how would we keep four teens from socializing on the most social holiday of the year? If we stayed home, was I going to the effort of putting up red, white, and blue for no one to see? It felt like a canceled holiday.”
Community spirit
James Kellogg was determined not to cancel the Fourth of July celebration. Last year, the general manager of Carmel Valley Athletic Club hosted his traditional poolside celebration, with two bounce houses, face-painting, a watermelon-eating contest, and barbecue lunch. He even removed all the lane ropes in the pool for open-water, social swimming.
This year, it’s all about social distance. With the club so recently reopened, and lap swimming allowed by reservation only, Kellogg decided the best way to celebrate club members was to do nothing to shake their security that it’s safe to get back in the water.
“I’m an event kind of person,” he said, “and the Fourth of July is our biggest event of the year, which contributes to the social aspect of the club, giving people a sense of community, of belonging. Unfortunately, we couldn’t celebrate this year, but it was the right decision. Next year, when people can finally exhale, we’ll set a record for the best party we’ve ever had.”
Canceling large-scale Fourth of July celebrations was perhaps Monterey County’s best pledge to help residents regain independence as we continue to maintain social distance, so COVID can die of loneliness. Yet still, we came up with things to do, whether it was at home, streaming the Monterey County Pops! Independence Day Concert, hiking along wooded trails, just in time to watch another sunset – from a social distance.
“Of course people were anxious to be together on the Fourth of July,” said Potter, “but it was even more important to practice social distancing. Even on a holiday, we couldn’t take COVID casually. With numbers going in the wrong direction, we need to be more cautious than ever. That will lead us to our real Independence Day.”


mercurynews--2020-07-04--California denies Santa Clara County’s expanded reopening plan; confusion grows on outdoor dining

A request to ease lockdown rules that would ’ ve allowed larger gatherings and more business reopenings in Santa Clara County has been denied by the state , a county official said .
The request for a variance was made on July 2 and would ’ ve allowed all businesses to reopen except those considered high-risk that necessitate taking off a mask — such as smoking lounges and indoor bars — as well as mass gatherings such as theaters and music venues .
Had the variance been approved , the county would ’ ve issued unique orders tailored for reopening @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more .
That order will no longer go into effect .
The denial was confusing for Jeff Smith , Santa Clara County ’ s CEO , considering California has granted more leeway for other counties to reopen .
“ They ’ ve granted variances to basically every other county that ’ s applied and they deny ours , ” Smith said .
“ It makes no sense.
” The news comes as agents with California ’ s Alcoholic Beverage Control cast doubt on whether Santa Clara County ’ s order allowing outdoor dining @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has been in opposition to state orders .
On Friday night , armed ABC agents visited several restaurants in Morgan Hill and Gilroy , informing them that they should shut down outdoor service on Saturday or risk a citation .
That news was met by frustration and confusion from business owners as well as the mayor , city manager and police chief in Morgan Hill , who said they had received no warning or guidance from California that their city might not be adhering to state orders .
The issue , Smith said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ health order doesn ’ t explicitly ban outdoor dining , which Santa Clara County took to mean they could allow it .
The state , Smith said , seemed to disagree with that interpretation .
“ If they felt that way , they certainly could ’ ve made a phone call , ” he said .
“ I don ’ t think they needed to show up with armed agents.
” ABC agents visited businesses in the area to inform them of the state ’ s rules on Friday night , telling owners @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that day but should only reopen for take-out service on Saturday , the agency said in a statement .
“ Agents met with owners and explained that Santa Clara County had not received variance to open , and that they were technically in violation of California ’ s stay at home orders , ” the statement said .
“ Agents did not issue any citations or notice of violations.
” Smith recommended businesses try to get clear guidance from the state , and the county has always said the strictest orders apply in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from the state or the county .
Santa Clara County itself is seeking more information on why their variance was denied .
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• No fans , no problem : Joey Chestnut sets record , cruises to 13th victory in Nathan ’ s Hot Dog Eating Contest • Coronavirus : California records almost 4,000 new cases as some counties pause reporting “ Clarity from the state has always been something that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have such irregularities in one county they allow one thing and in a county next door they don ’ t allow the same thing , ” he said .
For example in neighboring San Mateo County , indoor dining , gyms , movie theaters and hair salons have all been allowed to reopen by the state .
San Mateo County has more cases adjusted for population size than Santa Clara County — 44.2 per 10,000 versus 24.6 per 1,000 — as well as more deaths — 1.4 per 10,000 in San Mateo and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ San Mateo County ’ s testing positivity rate is also higher , 4.9 percent , compared to a seven-day average positive testing rate of 2.6 percent in Santa Clara County .
For now , Smith said the county will seek more guidance from California on what they need to do to continue their reopening plans .
“ We ’ ll have to try to get in touch with the state and find out what they ’ re doing , ” he said .

A request to ease lockdown rules that would’ve allowed larger gatherings and more business reopenings in Santa Clara County has been denied by the state, a county official said.
The request for a variance was made on July 2 and would’ve allowed all businesses to reopen except those considered high-risk that necessitate taking off a mask — such as smoking lounges and indoor bars — as well as mass gatherings such as theaters and music venues. Had the variance been approved, the county would’ve issued unique orders tailored for reopening nail salons, gyms, construction and more. That order will no longer go into effect.
The denial was confusing for Jeff Smith, Santa Clara County’s CEO, considering California has granted more leeway for other counties to reopen.
“They’ve granted variances to basically every other county that’s applied and they deny ours,” Smith said. “It makes no sense.”
The news comes as agents with California’s Alcoholic Beverage Control cast doubt on whether Santa Clara County’s order allowing outdoor dining — in effect since June 5 — has been in opposition to state orders. On Friday night, armed ABC agents visited several restaurants in Morgan Hill and Gilroy, informing them that they should shut down outdoor service on Saturday or risk a citation.
That news was met by frustration and confusion from business owners as well as the mayor, city manager and police chief in Morgan Hill, who said they had received no warning or guidance from California that their city might not be adhering to state orders. The issue, Smith said, is that the state’s health order doesn’t explicitly ban outdoor dining, which Santa Clara County took to mean they could allow it. The state, Smith said, seemed to disagree with that interpretation.
“If they felt that way, they certainly could’ve made a phone call,” he said. “I don’t think they needed to show up with armed agents.”
ABC agents visited businesses in the area to inform them of the state’s rules on Friday night, telling owners they could stay open the rest of that day but should only reopen for take-out service on Saturday, the agency said in a statement.
“Agents met with owners and explained that Santa Clara County had not received variance to open, and that they were technically in violation of California’s stay at home orders,” the statement said. “Agents did not issue any citations or notice of violations.”
Smith recommended businesses try to get clear guidance from the state, and the county has always said the strictest orders apply in any given situation, whether those are from the state or the county. Santa Clara County itself is seeking more information on why their variance was denied.
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Long Covid cases in US adults are on the decline, but many continue to struggle with symptoms Health | COVID Q&A: Can I use an expired test? Time to get boosted? How to cope with California’s sneaky summer surge “Clarity from the state has always been something that’s difficult to get because they have such irregularities in one county they allow one thing and in a county next door they don’t allow the same thing,” he said.
For example in neighboring San Mateo County, indoor dining, gyms, movie theaters and hair salons have all been allowed to reopen by the state. San Mateo County has more cases adjusted for population size than Santa Clara County — 44.2 per 10,000 versus 24.6 per 10,000 — as well as more deaths — 1.4 per 10,000 in San Mateo and 0.81 per 10,000 in Santa Clara.
San Mateo County’s testing positivity rate is also higher at 4.9 percent, compared to a seven-day average positive testing rate of 2.6 percent in Santa Clara County.
For now, Smith said the county will seek more guidance from California on what they need to do to continue their reopening plans.
“We’ll have to try to get in touch with the state and find out what they’re doing,” he said.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Bicyclist struck, killed by SMART train at San Rafael crossing

A bicyclist was struck and killed by a SMART train in San Rafael on Friday night while apparently trying to @ @ @ @ @ San Rafael police said .
The engineer reported seeing a bicyclist traveling at a high @ @ @ @ @ 7 p.m. as the northbound train was approaching the North San Pedro Road crossing near @ @ @ @ @ could not slow down quickly enough to avoid the collision .
The crossing gates were @ @ @ @ @ , police said .
The bicyclist was transported to Marin General Hospital , and died @ @ @ @ @ least 162 dead in Myanmar jade mine landslide The victim was described as a 36-year-old @ @ @ @ @ was immediately available .

A bicyclist was struck and killed by a SMART train in San Rafael on Friday night while apparently trying to speed through a crossing, San Rafael police said.
The engineer reported seeing a bicyclist traveling at a high rate of speed just after 7 p.m. as the northbound train was approaching the North San Pedro Road crossing near the Civic Center, but could not slow down quickly enough to avoid the collision. The crossing gates were lowered before the bicyclist arrived, police said.
The bicyclist was transported to Marin General Hospital, and died there later.


mercurynews--2020-07-04--Small plane makes belly landing at San Jose park

SAN JOSE — A small plane made an emergency landing in a park Saturday , authorities said .
The plane @ @ @ @ @ its belly in Hillview Park , near the Reid-Hillview Airport .
San Jose Fire personnel @ @ @ @ @ the scene .
Preliminary information from the scene indicated that the pilot of the single-engine @ @ @ @ @ immediately after taking off from Reid-Hillview Airport around 3:15 p.m. , spokesman Ian Gregor of @ @ @ @ @ .
The pilot was the only person aboard the aircraft , Gregor said .
He @ @ @ @ @ fire officials said .
The FAA and National Transportation Safety Board will investigate .

SAN JOSE — A small plane made an emergency landing in a park Saturday, authorities said.
The plane came to a rest on its belly in Hillview Park, near the Reid-Hillview Airport. San Jose Fire personnel confirmed they were called to the scene.
Preliminary information from the scene indicated that the pilot of the single-engine Lancair 320 reported engine trouble immediately after taking off from Reid-Hillview Airport around 3:15 p.m., spokesman Ian Gregor of the Federal Aviation Administration said.
The pilot was the only person aboard the aircraft, Gregor said. He was not seriously injured, fire officials said.
A private plane had to make an emergency landing in the park just north of Reid Hillview airport in East San Jose today. Fortunately the pilot wasn’t injured, and no people or structures on the ground were affected. pic.twitter.com/c1G6egpsRS — San Jose Fire Dept. (@SJFD) July 5, 2020
The FAA and National Transportation Safety Board will investigate.
Check back for updates.