Hurricane Donald

As the hurricane season continues , some linger on , like Hurricane Donald .
It turns out that Hurricane Laura may not have been as powerful as originally anticipated but , as a Category 4 , it did cause extensive damage and flooding along the Gulf Coast and further inland .
Although Laura has passed , we must remember that the hurricane season continues and more devastating storms are on the way , including this one previously identified by the National Weather Service : We continue to track Hurricane Donald ever since it achieved hurricane status back in November of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be simply a minor tropical storm that would blow itself out in 2015 has unexpectedly continued to gain strength and now threatens not only coastal regions but the entire continental United States .
Although some hurricanes move northward at a slow pace , Donald is truly exceptional in that it has moved very little in the past three-and-a-half years .
In fact , the eye of the storm remains centered over Washington , D.C. with particularly disruptive winds and storm surges in the specific area of the White House .
Since its inception @ @ @ @ @ @ @ destruction in its path .
Puerto Rico was one of its early major victims and the damage elsewhere has been widespread and extensive .
The storm has destroyed innumerable regulations , caused significant harm to healthcare reforms and added immeasurably to the national debt .
More recently , Donald has somehow even managed to exacerbate a worldwide pandemic .
Those residing in lower income areas are urged to evacuate as soon as possible .
Although Donald consistently promised to bring economic gains to all , to date , it has limited such results @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the hoped for side effects of this storm was that it would drain the swamp .
However , given that it is centered over Washington , Donald ’ s continuous reign has unfortunately only deepened that swamp .
While Donald primarily attacks liberal coastal areas , it causes damage wherever it tracks .
Even if your region appears to be safe , be advised that Donald creates dangerous subsidiary weather patterns such as unceasing campaign-like rallies and unpredictable Twitterstorms .
It has even been known to become embedded with local meteorological elements @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yet to be accurately or adequately categorized .
Once thought to be simply an annoying tropical depression , it has since surprisingly continued to jump categories beyond our standard measuring determinants such that , at this point , we can only call it an uncategorized storm .
It continues to be difficult to predict the path and strength of this hurricane .
Although we anticipated on several occasions that Donald would essentially self-destruct , it appears that whatever erratic and unstable action the storm takes only seems to further strengthen it .
We @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by early November , we will see Donald ’ s power lessened significantly by strong quadrennial election patterns including those from the House and possibly the Senate .
Yet given Donald ’ s unpredictability and penchant for achieving increased volume as well as the electorate ’ s historical absence of voter turnout , it may actually increase in strength and achieve the previously unassigned storm status of a Windbag 1 .
If Donald should persist beyond the upcoming election season , it may not blow itself out until 2024 or beyond .

As the hurricane season continues, some linger on, like Hurricane Donald.
It turns out that Hurricane Laura may not have been as powerful as originally anticipated but, as a Category 4, it did cause extensive damage and flooding along the Gulf Coast and further inland. Although Laura has passed, we must remember that the hurricane season continues and more devastating storms are on the way, including this one previously identified by the National Weather Service:
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
National Hurricane Center – Storm Advisory for Hurricane Donald – Extreme Warning
We continue to track Hurricane Donald ever since it achieved hurricane status back in November of 2016. What was once predicted to be simply a minor tropical storm that would blow itself out in 2015 has unexpectedly continued to gain strength and now threatens not only coastal regions but the entire continental United States.
Although some hurricanes move northward at a slow pace, Donald is truly exceptional in that it has moved very little in the past three-and-a-half years. In fact, the eye of the storm remains centered over Washington, D.C. with particularly disruptive winds and storm surges in the specific area of the White House.
Since its inception, Donald has left significant damage and destruction in its path. Puerto Rico was one of its early major victims and the damage elsewhere has been widespread and extensive. The storm has destroyed innumerable regulations, caused significant harm to healthcare reforms and added immeasurably to the national debt. More recently, Donald has somehow even managed to exacerbate a worldwide pandemic.
Those residing in lower income areas are urged to evacuate as soon as possible. Although Donald consistently promised to bring economic gains to all, to date, it has limited such results only to upper income neighborhoods.
One of the hoped for side effects of this storm was that it would drain the swamp. However, given that it is centered over Washington, Donald’s continuous reign has unfortunately only deepened that swamp.
While Donald primarily attacks liberal coastal areas, it causes damage wherever it tracks. Even if your region appears to be safe, be advised that Donald creates dangerous subsidiary weather patterns such as unceasing campaign-like rallies and unpredictable Twitterstorms. It has even been known to become embedded with local meteorological elements such as Stormy Daniels.
Donald has yet to be accurately or adequately categorized. Once thought to be simply an annoying tropical depression, it has since surprisingly continued to jump categories beyond our standard measuring determinants such that, at this point, we can only call it an uncategorized storm.
It continues to be difficult to predict the path and strength of this hurricane. Although we anticipated on several occasions that Donald would essentially self-destruct, it appears that whatever erratic and unstable action the storm takes only seems to further strengthen it.
We are cautiously optimistic, however, that by early November, we will see Donald’s power lessened significantly by strong quadrennial election patterns including those from the House and possibly the Senate. Yet given Donald’s unpredictability and penchant for achieving increased volume as well as the electorate’s historical absence of voter turnout, it may actually increase in strength and achieve the previously unassigned storm status of a Windbag 1.
If Donald should persist beyond the upcoming election season, it may not blow itself out until 2024 or beyond.


humortimes--2020-08-31--Movie Review: ‘The Burnt Orange Heresy’

Movie Review: ‘The Burnt Orange Heresy’

When a motion picture distributor invited me to watch an online screening of The Burnt Orange Heresy , I thought , “ Oh boy , someone has released a new lampooning or parody film about Donald J. Trump .
It should be a timely laff-riot for all thinking Americans.
” WRONG !
The title is only a “ happy ” coincidence .
Au contrarie , there is nothing funny about this engaging 2019 Italian import , directed by Giuseppi Capotondi .
The screenplay by Scott B. Smith was adapted from a novel carrying the same title by Charles Welleford .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ is not smashing , but formidable : Donald Sutherland , Mick Jagger , Elizabeth Debicki and , new to American movie theaters , a Dane named Claes Bang .
Hr .
Bang looks as though he could be distantly related to the late , famous British film actor , James Mason ; just taller and with less polish .
The Burnt Orange Heresy isn ’ t an art film so much as it is a film about art ; art that ’ s expressed on canvas with paint … no , not an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how dark circumstances might become when exploring the deceit that lurks when art and big money for its sale come to bear on the immorality of mortals .
The mortals in this photo play are Berenice ( Debicki ) ; James ( Bang ) ; Jerome ( Sutherland ) and Joseph ( Jagger ) .
Berenice isn ’ t easy to figure at the outset , but not much worry needs given to what or who she is because of the beauty she scatters in most of her scenes .
James is a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ aging , out-of-the-swim , but renowned artist .
And Joseph is an ultra-wealthy , oleaginous art dealer who calls his grand , warm-weather Italian estate “ a summer cottage.
” Jagger is cast perfectly .
It ’ s likely that Joseph … the character … has more money than all of the Rolling Stones … rolled into one .
Following a first meeting between James and Berenice at one of James ’ art lectures , and then they — to quote Terri Garr — “ have a little roll in the hay , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Joseph to travel to his “ summer cottage ” on a pristine Italian lake for some no nonsense artist/art dealer shoulder rubbing .
The timing is just right for James to ask Berenice to come along for the ride … to which she agrees .
Part of the visit to Joseph ’ s estate has to do with Jerome , who lives isolated in a dilapidated abode on Joseph ’ s property .
Jerome is a retired but still regaled artist of considerable merit .
James is dying to tap Jerome ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be there , thus making the critic even more of a household name in the smug , upscale atmosphere of art-loving elitists … real and fake .
Submerged in this setting of beautiful , well-off people in a high glam Italian atmosphere , conditions really “ vai a sud.
” ( Read subtitle : “ Go south.
” ) The ways the narrative goes “ south ” are in several directions ; not that the The Burnt Orange Heresy loses its punch , but specifically , southward for two of its main characters @ @ @ @ @ @ @ learn to love , and the other … to hate .
Donald Sutherland has been a long time favorite movie actor of mine .
That unbelievably creepy film he was in … Klute … comes to my mind most readily .
And how can we ever forget Sutherland being the actor who was the first Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H ?
Sutherland ’ s performance is just slightly more than a cameo here in Orange Heresy .
His acting the part isn ’ t in question , but his wandering about in more than @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s difficult to assign what region of the world our old Jerome is from .
I got a bit of the American Southwest as where he grew up ; but then again , Jerome just might be from the city and has spent most of his creative years on European campuses and in Parisian bistros .
The lingo written ( all in English ) for his character is poetic and sublime , mostly when speaking to Berenice .
Speaking again of Berenice , or specifically , Elizabeth Debicki , she ’ s super @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have a strong recollection of her in much , except as Jordan Baker in The Great Gatsby , a la Leonardo De Caprio .
Jordan is a fascinating Fitzgerald secondary character , but for some reason , Debicki didn ’ t click in my head on seeing that roaring redux .
The Berenice character is someone I will surely not forget .
Even with Sutherland , Jagger and Bang , the new Danish male lead , Debicki can not be denied in this haunting and rather decadent thriller containing more twists than you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they happen .

“The Burnt Orange Heresy” – a film review by Gary Chew
When a motion picture distributor invited me to watch an online screening of The Burnt Orange Heresy, I thought, “Oh boy, someone has released a new lampooning or parody film about Donald J. Trump. It should be a timely laff-riot for all thinking Americans.” WRONG!
The title is only a “happy” coincidence. Au contrarie, there is nothing funny about this engaging 2019 Italian import, directed by Giuseppi Capotondi. The screenplay by Scott B. Smith was adapted from a novel carrying the same title by Charles Welleford.
T he cast, I think, is not smashing, but formidable: Donald Sutherland, Mick Jagger, Elizabeth Debicki and, new to American movie theaters, a Dane named Claes Bang. Hr. Bang looks as though he could be distantly related to the late, famous British film actor, James Mason; just taller and with less polish.
The Burnt Orange Heresy isn’t an art film so much as it is a film about art; art that’s expressed on canvas with paint … no, not an art film, but a picture about how dark circumstances might become when exploring the deceit that lurks when art and big money for its sale come to bear on the immorality of mortals.
The mortals in this photo play are Berenice (Debicki); James (Bang); Jerome (Sutherland) and Joseph (Jagger). Berenice isn’t easy to figure at the outset, but not much worry needs given to what or who she is because of the beauty she scatters in most of her scenes. James is a well-published art critic. Jerome is an aging, out-of-the-swim, but renowned artist. And Joseph is an ultra-wealthy, oleaginous art dealer who calls his grand, warm-weather Italian estate “a summer cottage.” Jagger is cast perfectly. It’s likely that Joseph … the character … has more money than all of the Rolling Stones … rolled into one.
Following a first meeting between James and Berenice at one of James’ art lectures, and then they — to quote Terri Garr — “have a little roll in the hay,” the critic accepts an invitation from Joseph to travel to his “summer cottage” on a pristine Italian lake for some no nonsense artist/art dealer shoulder rubbing. The timing is just right for James to ask Berenice to come along for the ride … to which she agrees.
Part of the visit to Joseph’s estate has to do with Jerome, who lives isolated in a dilapidated abode on Joseph’s property. Jerome is a retired but still regaled artist of considerable merit. James is dying to tap Jerome’s mind and publish the goodies bound to be there, thus making the critic even more of a household name in the smug, upscale atmosphere of art-loving elitists … real and fake.
Submerged in this setting of beautiful, well-off people in a high glam Italian atmosphere, conditions really “vai a sud.” (Read subtitle: “Go south.”) The ways the narrative goes “south” are in several directions; not that the The Burnt Orange Heresy loses its punch, but specifically, southward for two of its main characters … one of whom you’ll learn to love, and the other … to hate.
Donald Sutherland has been a long time favorite movie actor of mine. That unbelievably creepy film he was in … Klute … comes to my mind most readily. And how can we ever forget Sutherland being the actor who was the first Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H? Sutherland’s performance is just slightly more than a cameo here in Orange Heresy. His acting the part isn’t in question, but his wandering about in more than one accent is discomforting. It’s difficult to assign what region of the world our old Jerome is from. I got a bit of the American Southwest as where he grew up; but then again, Jerome just might be from the city and has spent most of his creative years on European campuses and in Parisian bistros. The lingo written (all in English) for his character is poetic and sublime, mostly when speaking to Berenice.
Speaking again of Berenice, or specifically, Elizabeth Debicki, she’s super perfect; though I don’t have a strong recollection of her in much, except as Jordan Baker in The Great Gatsby, a la Leonardo De Caprio. Jordan is a fascinating Fitzgerald secondary character, but for some reason, Debicki didn’t click in my head on seeing that roaring redux. The Berenice character is someone I will surely not forget. Even with Sutherland, Jagger and Bang, the new Danish male lead, Debicki cannot be denied in this haunting and rather decadent thriller containing more twists than you think you’ve figured out before they happen.


humortimes--2020-09-01--Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/1/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/1/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ women drink enough of it , all men start to look like Ryan Reynolds !
Cher says she was turned down after offering to volunteer at 2 post offices But , mostly because she listed as her references , “ Gypsies , Tramps and Thieves.
” Not everyone is happy with Melania Trump ’ s changes to the Rose Garden In fact , people are so mad about what Melania did to the White House Rose Garden , one day we ’ re going to have to elect Mayor Pete and Chasten Buttigeig @ @ @ @ @ @ @ take a vacation in the Bahamas to rekindle their marriage They were going to the Virgin Islands… but , well , y ’ know !
Rand Paul accuses protesters of attacking him and his wife following Trump ’ s RNC speech Given Paul ’ s history , maybe he was afraid the protesters were just being neighborly .
Which means it ’ s going be more difficult to tell if that ’ s a machine gun , or , if he ’ s just glad to see you .
Now 007 is also @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at night to pee… They ’ re exclusively at Bed , Bath and the Great Beyond… Scheana Shay says she had a sexual “ throuple ” with John Mayer after his Jennifer Aniston split At this point , it ’ s quicker to name the women John Mayer didn ’ t sleep with !
Bald eagle attacks government drone and sends it crashing into Lake Michigan No word why Ben Stein was anywhere near Lake Michigan .
The RNC ended with a firework display over the Washington Monument spelling out ‘ TRUMP ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ violation of the Hatch Act , it was a crime against humility .
While Falwell Jr. recruits pole workers so he has something to watch while in hiding .
Trump : “ You know what I say ?
Protest this , your ass .
I don ’ t talk about my ass ” In fairness , this might have made sense in the original Russian .

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Ryan Reynolds’ Aviation Gin line sells to Diageo for $610 million
Apparently, if women drink enough of it, all men start to look like Ryan Reynolds!
Cher says she was turned down after offering to volunteer at 2 post offices
But, mostly because she listed as her references, “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.”
Not everyone is happy with Melania Trump’s changes to the Rose Garden
In fact, people are so mad about what Melania did to the White House Rose Garden, one day we’re going to have to elect Mayor Pete and Chasten Buttigeig to fix it.
Kim and Kanye take a vacation in the Bahamas to rekindle their marriage
They were going to the Virgin Islands… but, well, y’know!
Rand Paul accuses protesters of attacking him and his wife following Trump’s RNC speech
Given Paul’s history, maybe he was afraid the protesters were just being neighborly.
Machine Gun Kelly breaks gender norms in edgy, knee-length shirt-dress
Which means it’s going be more difficult to tell if that’s a machine gun, or, if he’s just glad to see you.
Happy 90th Birthday, Sean Connery
Now 007 is also the amount of times he gets up at night to pee…
A new David Bowie live album was released
They’re exclusively at Bed, Bath and the Great Beyond…
Scheana Shay says she had a sexual “throuple” with John Mayer after his Jennifer Aniston split
At this point, it’s quicker to name the women John Mayer didn’t sleep with!
Bald eagle attacks government drone and sends it crashing into Lake Michigan
No word why Ben Stein was anywhere near Lake Michigan.
The RNC ended with a firework display over the Washington Monument spelling out ‘TRUMP’
The display wasn’t just a violation of the Hatch Act, it was a crime against humility.
Black Panther’ star Chadwick Boseman dies of cancer at 43
Seriously 2020, E-F%&king-Nuff.
LeBron James launches multi-million-dollar effort to recruit poll workers ahead of election
While Falwell Jr. recruits pole workers so he has something to watch while in hiding.
Trump: “You know what I say? Protest this, your ass. I don’t talk about my ass”
In fairness, this might have made sense in the original Russian.


humortimes--2020-09-03--Bob Dylan Made Some Quarantine Couscous

Bob Dylan Made Some Quarantine Couscous

A storm sits on the horizon ’ s edge .
A violent tempest .
The kind of storm they sing about in sea shanties , in mournful songs , cowboy songs , Appalachian ballads , in songs that remind you that you can ’ t go back or that you ’ ve been back and back was never there in the first place ; you made it up .
You ’ re back now .
It ’ s been brewing for months , this storm .
Patiently waiting for the bells to ring , for the trumpets to blare , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ times changed ; the wind is blowing questions .
If I was to go back to the dawning of it all , I don ’ t know where I ’ d begin or where I would end .
I wanted to create something that , in its own way , told a story .
This storm — this story — is my creation .
But soon it won ’ t belong to me .
Storms go out , Storms come in .
In some ways there is no difference .
I ’ ve @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ ve done will be worthwhile and purposeful .
I wanted to make a couscous unlike any ever eaten ; a couscous immemorial , fundamental , and true .
I think it was a day or two after the quarantine began .
And somebody – somebody I ’ d never seen before – handed me a recipe book .
That book changed my life right then and there .
Transported me to a dream world .
Like somebody laid hands on me .
I dreamed I was in a boxcar , rambling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Bangor and back again .
I dreamed I was on the Lusitania throwing silver dish-ware into the Atlantic .
The dream was powerful and electrifying and had a commanding presence .
Some sort of mercurial and mechanical distribution of elemental purpose .
But I can ’ t remember why I was in that dream or what part I was supposed to play .
Sometimes the Lady of the Lake hands Excalibur to paupers .
I had tried couscous before , but I was left unsatisfied , like taking a trip out to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to be shown the bearded man , the siamese cat , and the world ’ s longest 300-page book .
Now it was all there in front of me .
This wasn ’ t a pot luck .
This was a pot destiny .
It should be understood that I own this melody .
An atavistic , serendipitous plunge into a burning ball pit of Maghrebi grains , a roving gamble .
I internalized this couscous .
I opened my eyes to close them and closed them to open them .
You may @ @ @ @ @ @ @ warlock ’ s spell , but I call it making couscous so fluffy that Odysseus ’ s would turn his back on his queen , turn his back on his kingdom , just to rest his head on those durum wheat semolina pearls .
Just to sleep a sleep that would redden the cheeks of Hypnos .
It ’ s a powerful energy .
The kind of energy that wakes you up at 3am to write the great American novel , churning out reams of prose until the wheels fall off and burn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of energy that drops you off at the mouth of Hades , makes you toss a steak over the fence for Cerberus , hop the fence yourself , grab that hellhound by one of its ears and whisper , “ I ’ m coming out with whoever wants to come with me.
” It walks you up to St. Peter ’ s gated community and right as all the mysteries of the universe are set before you on a plate of stardust and zodiacal clouds , it tugs you back from your mind @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gently on a beanbag of understanding .
You may be wondering if you will ever feel ready to dine from this troth of enlightenment .
When you ’ re ready , my couscous will present itself to you and no sooner .
Prepare yourself if you want to ride this ride , because these feather-light pellets of softness will hit you like a bolt of downy thunder , tearing at your sense of immortality like you ’ re locked in a pillow fight with the Gods of Olympia .
You might think you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of globular foliage , but this thrill ride is not for the faint of heart .
My couscous places demands on you , grabs you by the back of your head and dunks you into its flavor until you tell it all it wants to know .
You don ’ t need any basil , or any parsley , or any of that garbanzo highbrow , lowbrow , chasing illusion , chasing death , chasing men overboard affectations .
My couscous is a lone wolf , independent , a shadowy figure that stalks @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sense my couscous , it ’ s already too late .
This is not for the faint of heart .
Soak some vinegar in a sponge and put it to your lips .
Pay your respects at the White Pilgrim ’ s obelisk .
You should not go this journey alone .
Even with a steely crew of roughnecks you ’ re still just as likely to find yourself adrift at sea , clinging to a coffin , with the need to tell your story as the only buttress propping up your will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thinking about his warning , “ Let bygones be bygones.
” The recipe is as follows : STEP ONE : In a small saucepan , bring 1/3 cup of water to a boil .
Stir in 3 tablespoons of couscous , season with salt .
STEP TWO : Remove from heat ; cover , and let stand until water has been absorbed , about 5 minutes .
Before serving , fluff with a fork and recite , “ Sing in me , oh Muse , and through me tell the story .
”

A Humor Times exclusive! Bob Dylan shares his recipe for Quarantine Couscous.
“I contain multitudes” — Bob Dylan
A storm sits on the horizon’s edge. A violent tempest. The kind of storm they sing about in sea shanties, in mournful songs, cowboy songs, Appalachian ballads, in songs that remind you that you can’t go back or that you’ve been back and back was never there in the first place; you made it up. You’re back now. It’s been brewing for months, this storm. Patiently waiting for the bells to ring, for the trumpets to blare, for the lockdown to lift. The times changed; the wind is blowing questions.
If I was to go back to the dawning of it all, I don’t know where I’d begin or where I would end. I wanted to create something that, in its own way, told a story. This storm — this story — is my creation. But soon it won’t belong to me. Storms go out, Storms come in. In some ways there is no difference. I’ve harnessed this storm and I hope what I’ve done will be worthwhile and purposeful. I wanted to make a couscous unlike any ever eaten; a couscous immemorial, fundamental, and true.
I think it was a day or two after the quarantine began. And somebody – somebody I’d never seen before – handed me a recipe book. That book changed my life right then and there. Transported me to a dream world. Like somebody laid hands on me. I dreamed I was in a boxcar, rambling from Oklahoma to Baton Rouge, up to Bangor and back again. I dreamed I was on the Lusitania throwing silver dish-ware into the Atlantic. The dream was powerful and electrifying and had a commanding presence. Some sort of mercurial and mechanical distribution of elemental purpose.
But I can’t remember why I was in that dream or what part I was supposed to play. Sometimes the Lady of the Lake hands Excalibur to paupers.
I had tried couscous before, but I was left unsatisfied, like taking a trip out to Coney Island to see the sideshow only to be shown the bearded man, the siamese cat, and the world’s longest 300-page book. Now it was all there in front of me. This wasn’t a pot luck. This was a pot destiny. It should be understood that I own this melody. An atavistic, serendipitous plunge into a burning ball pit of Maghrebi grains, a roving gamble.
I internalized this couscous. I opened my eyes to close them and closed them to open them. You may call it witchcraft or sorcery or a warlock’s spell, but I call it making couscous so fluffy that Odysseus’s would turn his back on his queen, turn his back on his kingdom, just to rest his head on those durum wheat semolina pearls. Just to sleep a sleep that would redden the cheeks of Hypnos.
It’s a powerful energy. The kind of energy that wakes you up at 3am to write the great American novel, churning out reams of prose until the wheels fall off and burn and the world explodes. The kind of energy that drops you off at the mouth of Hades, makes you toss a steak over the fence for Cerberus, hop the fence yourself, grab that hellhound by one of its ears and whisper, “I’m coming out with whoever wants to come with me.”
It walks you up to St. Peter’s gated community and right as all the mysteries of the universe are set before you on a plate of stardust and zodiacal clouds, it tugs you back from your mind’s breaking point and rests you gently on a beanbag of understanding.
You may be wondering if you will ever feel ready to dine from this troth of enlightenment. When you’re ready, my couscous will present itself to you and no sooner. Prepare yourself if you want to ride this ride, because these feather-light pellets of softness will hit you like a bolt of downy thunder, tearing at your sense of immortality like you’re locked in a pillow fight with the Gods of Olympia.
You might think you can dive headfirst into this heather-almond pile of globular foliage, but this thrill ride is not for the faint of heart. My couscous places demands on you, grabs you by the back of your head and dunks you into its flavor until you tell it all it wants to know.
You don’t need any basil, or any parsley, or any of that garbanzo highbrow, lowbrow, chasing illusion, chasing death, chasing men overboard affectations. My couscous is a lone wolf, independent, a shadowy figure that stalks you in the night. If you sense my couscous, it’s already too late.
This is not for the faint of heart. Soak some vinegar in a sponge and put it to your lips. Pay your respects at the White Pilgrim’s obelisk. You should not go this journey alone. Even with a steely crew of roughnecks you’re still just as likely to find yourself adrift at sea, clinging to a coffin, with the need to tell your story as the only buttress propping up your will to live, thinking of Starbuck, thinking about his warning, “Let bygones be bygones.”
The recipe is as follows:
STEP ONE: In a small saucepan, bring 1/3 cup of water to a boil. Stir in 3 tablespoons of couscous, season with salt.
STEP TWO: Remove from heat; cover, and let stand until water has been absorbed, about 5 minutes. Before serving, fluff with a fork and recite, “Sing in me, oh Muse, and through me tell the story.”
Sincerely,
Bob Dylan


humortimes--2020-09-03--The Business of America is Monkey Business

… we have a small favor to ask .
More and more people are reading the Humor Times , but advertising revenues for internet sites everywhere keep falling .
And unlike so many other websites , we have not put up a paywall -- we want to keep this much-loved ( and much-needed ! )
political humor free , if possible !
So you can see why we need to ask for your help .
The Humor Times ' unique content takes a lot of time and effort to produce ... but we do it because we believe uncompromising political @ @ @ @ @ @ @ days .
If everyone who reads and likes our website helps fund it , we can continue to help people laugh at the news , rather than cry about it !
For as little as $ 1 , you can support the Humor Times – and it only takes a minute .
Thank you !
Or , please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter via our Patreon Page , contributing a certain amount each month .
You can do it for as long or as short a time as you like .
It 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !

America’s monkey business is swinging.
It’s the end of an era, but it could be the start of something big. KFC has just announced that because of the coronavirus, they will no longer advertise their fast-food meals as “finger-lickin’ good,” thus ending a 60-year long tradition of merchandising. However, the White House isn’t smacking its lips over it. On the contrary, the sad news left a sour taste. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that President Trump will continue to lick his fingers, not only while eating, but while counting his money between meals, to make sure that he doesn’t short- change himself while tabulating Washington emoluments. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin strongly supports that policy. Yesterday he dismissed two IRS auditors for giving $600 in cash to a one-legged homeless veteran residing at the Vietnam War Memorial without wetting their thumbs as they withheld $120 for federal payroll deductions. Meanwhile, in Akron, OH, Goodyear Tire Company, angered by the President’s recent tweets about the company’s decision (publicized on social media) allowing employees to sport BLM attire at work while forbidding anyone to wear MAGA hats on company time and property, is spinning its biggest wheels, while refusing to let Trump tread on them. Goodyear, which (like everyone else in America) is having a bad year, said “we never authorized anyone to wear anything. That bulletin is a fake. The President ought to know that, since he’s the biggest fake since the rubber slid off the road.” Homeland Security was alerted, to protect the Presidential limousine from mechanics hired by Goodyear to remove all four tires from the car and install them on a ’67 Corvette swinging toward Ohio. “Operation Monkey Wrench” will maintain constant vigil over the vehicle. Taken aback by KFC, Trump is trying to grease the skids that have detoured him as the campaign rolls on. Meanwhile, the count continues: 5,800,001, 5,800,002, 5,800,003 … and, as the pressure mounts, inflated claims about Mr. Trump’s “leadership” during the pandemic have punctured the nation’s hopes. It is food for thought, as all Americans wipe their hands, while holding them up to their faces in grief and shame. Will we patch things together before it’s too late? Or is America too tired to bring politics to a crisp conclusion? We should know by November, unless President Trump decides to take us for a ride, and we all kick the bucket.


humortimes--2020-09-03--The Dow Jones v. the Doug Jones

The Dow Jones v. the Doug Jones

Forget the Dow Jones Industrial Average ; we need policymakers who give a damn about the Doug Jones Average .
Wow , how about that Dow ?
The Dow Jones Industrial Average , I mean , Wall Street ’ s up-to-the-minute report on whether corporate stock prices are going up , down or sideways .
It ’ s the one economic indicator that our nation ’ s media and political establishment watch religiously , claiming it tells them how our national economy is performing .
Recently , the stock market has been zooming up , up and away .
So @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hissing volcanoes to determine if the gods are pleased or angry , the believers in the infallibility of the Dow are hailing today ’ s economy as boom times !
No need for another big round of pandemic relief payments or any other urgent actions by government , exclaim the Trumpeteers , because — Boom , Boom , Boom , look at that Dow !
— shareholder wealth is pouring down on us like manna from heaven .
Us ?
Most Americans are asking : A boom for whom ?
America ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is still above 10 % , with a tsunami of new firings coming as airlines , retail chains , the restaurant industry , state and local governments , Main Street businesses and so many more are collapsing right in front of us .
A wave of home evictions also looms , as masses of people have no money for rent and are being kicked out by landlords to go … where ?
Forget the Dow Jones Industrial Average ; we need policymakers who give a damn about the Doug Jones Average : How @ @ @ @ @ @ @ them about the golden bonanza in the stock market is both insulting and stupid , for the Jones ’ don ’ t share in that wealth .
In fact , the number of Americans who own as much as one single share of corporate stock , even through a mutual fund , has plummeted in the past two decades as the rich and superrich have grabbed the bulk of our nation ’ s wealth .
Today , nearly 90 % of all stocks are in the hands of the richest 10 % of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ laissez-fairyland ideologues and lawmakers now in charge of our economic policy continue genuflecting to the Dow , insisting that the price of stock equates to material abundance and a high standard of living for all .
As Republican Sen. Pat Toomey recently proclaimed , “ ( L ) ife is better today than it ever has been for the majority of the American people.
” His proof ?
Toomey pointed to the fact that cars now come equipped with seat warmers .
COVID-19 has been a doubly deadly disaster for millions of Americans @ @ @ @ @ @ @ But one of the most heartening responses to the crisis has come from the least-expected place : corporate executive suites .
This spring , as airlines , retail giants , hotel chains and a long list of other multibillion-dollar brand-name outfits announced mass layoffs of their employees , numerous CEOs made headlines by stepping up like real leaders to show some class solidarity .
If we ’ re having to wallop our workers because of a pandemic , these bosses told media interviewers , the least we can do is cut our own @ @ @ @ @ @ @ together ; all for one , one for all ; and stuff like that !
Only … not really ; just kidding ; don ’ t look at the real numbers .
One analytical firm did look at the books of nearly all 3,000 major U.S. corporations , finding that a mere fraction had made any cuts to senior executive pay , and the few who did only made little nicks in the boss ’ s take-home , rather than real cuts .
The trick is that the “ sacrifices ” only applied @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tiniest part of a chief executive ’ s compensation , which is mostly made up of bonuses , stock options , etc .
For example , United Airlines , which is expected to zero out the paychecks of 36,000 workers , docked its CEO ’ s salary by nearly a third .
Sounds like a real gesture , but that works out to less than 3 % of the $ 22 million he ’ s getting in total pay .
So middle-income workers get the boot , while the boss still has his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ million in annual pay and claims bragging rights for being an “ ethical ” corporate chieftain .
But the analytical firm did find a handful of genuine ethical nuggets in its search of CorporateWorld .
The CEO of real estate brokerage company Redfin , for example , actually zeroed out his total pay after the pandemic forced him to furlough more than a thousand employees .
“ It ’ s not just about the pay cut , ” he told The New York Times .
“ It ’ s about the general sense @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” If a nation ’ s economic system doesn ’ t care about shared sacrifice in hard times and shared prosperity in good times , why should the majority who pay the price and are denied the gains care about that economic system ?

Forget the Dow Jones Industrial Average; we need policymakers who give a damn about the Doug Jones Average.
Wow, how about that Dow?
The Dow Jones Industrial Average, I mean, Wall Street’s up-to-the-minute report on whether corporate stock prices are going up, down or sideways. It’s the one economic indicator that our nation’s media and political establishment watch religiously, claiming it tells them how our national economy is performing.
Recently, the stock market has been zooming up, up and away. So, like ancient priests watching burbling, hissing volcanoes to determine if the gods are pleased or angry, the believers in the infallibility of the Dow are hailing today’s economy as boom times! No need for another big round of pandemic relief payments or any other urgent actions by government, exclaim the Trumpeteers, because — Boom, Boom, Boom, look at that Dow! — shareholder wealth is pouring down on us like manna from heaven.
Us? Most Americans are asking: A boom for whom?
America’s real economy is in shambles. Joblessness is still above 10%, with a tsunami of new firings coming as airlines, retail chains, the restaurant industry, state and local governments, Main Street businesses and so many more are collapsing right in front of us. A wave of home evictions also looms, as masses of people have no money for rent and are being kicked out by landlords to go … where?
Forget the Dow Jones Industrial Average; we need policymakers who give a damn about the Doug Jones Average: How are Doug and Desiree doing? Telling them about the golden bonanza in the stock market is both insulting and stupid, for the Jones’ don’t share in that wealth. In fact, the number of Americans who own as much as one single share of corporate stock, even through a mutual fund, has plummeted in the past two decades as the rich and superrich have grabbed the bulk of our nation’s wealth. Today, nearly 90% of all stocks are in the hands of the richest 10% of Americans.
Yet, the menagerie of laissez-fairyland ideologues and lawmakers now in charge of our economic policy continue genuflecting to the Dow, insisting that the price of stock equates to material abundance and a high standard of living for all. As Republican Sen. Pat Toomey recently proclaimed, “(L)ife is better today than it ever has been for the majority of the American people.” His proof? Toomey pointed to the fact that cars now come equipped with seat warmers.
COVID-19 has been a doubly deadly disaster for millions of Americans, destroying both life and livelihoods. But one of the most heartening responses to the crisis has come from the least-expected place: corporate executive suites.
This spring, as airlines, retail giants, hotel chains and a long list of other multibillion-dollar brand-name outfits announced mass layoffs of their employees, numerous CEOs made headlines by stepping up like real leaders to show some class solidarity. If we’re having to wallop our workers because of a pandemic, these bosses told media interviewers, the least we can do is cut our own salaries. Yes — all in this together; all for one, one for all; and stuff like that!
Only … not really; just kidding; don’t look at the real numbers. One analytical firm did look at the books of nearly all 3,000 major U.S. corporations, finding that a mere fraction had made any cuts to senior executive pay, and the few who did only made little nicks in the boss’s take-home, rather than real cuts.
The trick is that the “sacrifices” only applied to official salaries. They are the tiniest part of a chief executive’s compensation, which is mostly made up of bonuses, stock options, etc. For example, United Airlines, which is expected to zero out the paychecks of 36,000 workers, docked its CEO’s salary by nearly a third. Sounds like a real gesture, but that works out to less than 3% of the $22 million he’s getting in total pay. So middle-income workers get the boot, while the boss still has his job, gets more than $21 million in annual pay and claims bragging rights for being an “ethical” corporate chieftain.
But the analytical firm did find a handful of genuine ethical nuggets in its search of CorporateWorld. The CEO of real estate brokerage company Redfin, for example, actually zeroed out his total pay after the pandemic forced him to furlough more than a thousand employees. “It’s not just about the pay cut,” he told The New York Times. “It’s about the general sense that capitalism is not working for everyone.”
If a nation’s economic system doesn’t care about shared sacrifice in hard times and shared prosperity in good times, why should the majority who pay the price and are denied the gains care about that economic system?


humortimes--2020-09-04--Here Lies Kellyanne Conway & Husband George, Part 2

A mixed marriage or Yin & Yang , Counselor to the President , Kellyanne Conway & husband George lie motionless in their bed .
Let ’ s listen in : Part 2 .
Let ’ s listen in again to these contradictory two , Kellyanne Conway & her husband who suddenly announced their leave of absence from the political scene to make peace with their kids & train their dog to do its business directly into a plastic bag !
Kel , are we gon na get it on or what ?
Let ’ s say you ’ ve got @ @ @ @ @ @ @ last night !
Not really .
Remember when I said the election ’ s in the bag ?
Donnie ’ s shooting himself in the gonads again , isn ’ t he ?
You mean we don ’ t have to worry about Russian interfering ?
Duh – not if everybody votes twice !
Heard he ’ s not taking any chances – Godzilla & the Lock Ness Monster November 2nd !
I don ’ t get it – he thinks he ’ s not President yet , it ’ s 2016 & @ @ @ @ @ @ @ You up for some canoodling ?
Are you ever gon na fix that thing…4 kids , you know !
You mean the Washer – waiting for parts !
No , this doesn ’ t have any parts .
Then how about going to ‘ Bowling Green ‘ Lanes – I got my own shoes !
Stop making those jokes about me – I was in ‘ spin mode ’ !
Besides , these readers can ’ t remember all my old lies – I ’ ve got newer ones !
Ha ha !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a laugh – tomorrow I ’ ll try to kiss you on the neck & see if that leads anywhere .
Oh no – my neck got me in trouble 4 times – try my elbow !

A mixed marriage or Yin & Yang, Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway & husband George lie motionless in their bed. Let’s listen in: Part 2.
Let’s listen in again to these contradictory two, Kellyanne Conway & her husband who suddenly announced their leave of absence from the political scene to make peace with their kids & train their dog to do its business directly into a plastic bag!
GEORGE CONWAY
Kel, are we gonna get it on or what?
KELLYANNE CONWAY
Let’s say you’ve got a better chance tonight than you did last night!
GEORGE
Oh, you’re weakening! Goodie, Goodie!
KELLYANNE
Not really. Remember when I said the election’s in the bag?
GEORGE
Donnie’s shooting himself in the gonads again, isn’t he?
KELLYANNE
Yeah, even Putin said WTF!
GEORGE
You mean we don’t have to worry about Russian interfering?
KELLYANNE
Duh – not if everybody votes twice!
GEORGE
Heard he’s not taking any chances – Godzilla & the Lock Ness Monster November 2nd!
GEORGE
I don’t get it – he thinks he’s not President yet, it’s 2016 & he’s test driving Escalators!
GEORGE
You up for some canoodling?
KELLYANNE
Are you ever gonna fix that thing…4 kids, you know!
GEORGE
You mean the Washer – waiting for parts!
KELLYANNE
No, this doesn’t have any parts.
GEORGE
Then how about going to ‘Bowling Green‘ Lanes – I got my own shoes!
KELLYANNE
Stop making those jokes about me – I was in ‘spin mode’! Besides, these readers can’t remember all my old lies – I’ve got newer ones!
GEORGE
Ha ha! Well, at least you gave me a laugh – tomorrow I’ll try to kiss you on the neck & see if that leads anywhere.
KELLYANNE
Oh no – my neck got me in trouble 4 times – try my elbow!


humortimes--2020-09-04--The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews a Trump Voter

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews a Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin .
Live from under a rock in your backyard , it ’ s The Jerry Duncan Show .
Good morning listeners nationwide .
Is it a good morning ?
We ’ ll soon find out .
Today on the show my guest is Hilda Swanson , an elderly Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin .
Excuse me .
I need to put my teeth back in my mouth .
I would hope so .
This isn ’ t a Trump rally @ @ @ @ @ @ @ difference between Elvis and a literate Donald Trump supporter ?
Duncan .
The King faked his death because he was in the FBI .
I think Elvis is that James Comey fella .
You believe in conspiracies .
Yep .
That ’ s what I admire about our president .
He pulls a bunch of them out of his ass .
The other day he said Kamala Harris was an anchor baby .
No .
She was born in Oakland , California .
And I don ’ t think you know what an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
They ’ re porky bambinos who can ’ t move their feet .
You ’ re the typical Trump supporter .
Very condescending and not charitable to others .
Untrue .
A charity organization called last week and asked me if I had any clothing for the starving .
I replied , “ Anyone that fits in my clothing isn ’ t starving.
” That ’ s using the old noggin .
Right , Duncan ?
Tell me why the Trumpster deserves another 4 years as president .
Because I got a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ever gave me free money .
I ’ ve been strapped for cash my entire life .
Then you ’ re fighting for the wrong party .
I got gas today for $ 1.39 .
Unfortunately , it was at Taco Bell .
You see , Trump is a carnival barker .
You are barely making ends meet .
Your Medicare supplemental and prescription drugs are not affortable .
You live in a trailer .
That ’ s good .
You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of Raid on the kitchen table .
I also need it to defend myself from illegal aliens .
Trump said caravans with brown skin people are coming over the southern border to harm us .
But you live closer to the Canadian border .
Yep .
I always try to take the high road , but sometimes I just want to take a detour and run over your ass .
I ’ m not going to sit idle and watch Joe Biden win this November .
Back to the days of the Obama-Biden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about what you just said , because it is the Republican lie .
President Obama brought America out of a recession caused by President George W. Bush and the Republicans .
He put America back to work .
We had a surplus when Obama left office .
And affordable health care .
The world looked up to us .
You ’ re trying to scare me , Duncan .
Do you think we need to hide money from Republicans ?
Absolutely .
I suggest putting it in science books .
They ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the money back to the middle class and poor .
It was stolen in the reform package signed by Trump that favored the rich .
And with that extra money , we an end the Coronavirus .
And so did 187,000 American lives .
See you tomorrow everyone .

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews a Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Hilda Swanson, an elderly Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin.
JERRY
Good morning, Hilda.
HILDA SWANSON
Excuse me. I need to put my teeth back in my mouth.
JERRY
I would hope so. This isn’t a Trump rally. Hilda, do you know the difference between Elvis and a literate Donald Trump supporter?
HILDA
No.
JERRY
Elvis has been sighted.
HILDA
Duncan. The King faked his death because he was in the FBI. I think Elvis is that James Comey fella.
JERRY
You believe in conspiracies.
HILDA
Yep. That’s what I admire about our president. He pulls a bunch of them out of his ass. The other day he said Kamala Harris was an anchor baby.
JERRY
No. She was born in Oakland, California. And I don’t think you know what an anchor baby is.
HILDA
Sure I do. They’re porky bambinos who can’t move their feet.
JERRY
You’re the typical Trump supporter. Very condescending and not charitable to others.
HILDA
Untrue. A charity organization called last week and asked me if I had any clothing for the starving. I replied, “Anyone that fits in my clothing isn’t starving.” That’s using the old noggin. Right, Duncan?
JERRY
Tell me why the Trumpster deserves another 4 years as president.
HILDA
Because I got a stimulus check for $1,200. Nobody ever gave me free money. I’ve been strapped for cash my entire life.
JERRY
Then you’re fighting for the wrong party.
HILDA
I got gas today for $1.39. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
JERRY
You see, Trump is a carnival barker. You are barely making ends meet. Your Medicare supplemental and prescription drugs are not affortable. You live in a trailer.
HILDA
I don’t live in a trailer.
JERRY
Sorry. I assumed.
HILDA
Just kidding! I do.
JERRY
That’s good. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
HILDA
Naw. I keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. I also need it to defend myself from illegal aliens. Trump said caravans with brown skin people are coming over the southern border to harm us.
JERRY
But you live closer to the Canadian border.
HILDA
Yep. I always try to take the high road, but sometimes I just want to take a detour and run over your ass. I’m not going to sit idle and watch Joe Biden win this November. Back to the days of the Obama-Biden era of overreaching Big Government.
JERRY
Think about what you just said, because it is the Republican lie. President Obama brought America out of a recession caused by President George W. Bush and the Republicans. He put America back to work. We had a surplus when Obama left office. And affordable health care. The world looked up to us.
HILDA
You’re trying to scare me, Duncan. Do you think we need to hide money from Republicans?
JERRY
Absolutely. I suggest putting it in science books. They’ll never look there.
HILDA
Why?
JERRY
We can give the money back to the middle class and poor. It was stolen in the reform package signed by Trump that favored the rich. And with that extra money, we an end the Coronavirus.
HILDA
Trump said the Coronavirus disappeared.
JERRY
And so did 187,000 American lives. See you tomorrow everyone.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner


humortimes--2020-09-04--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Between Ghosts and Dreams

Ghosts live in the past , dreams live in the future , and we live in between .
The real trick of life is finding the time before it runs away .
I used to feel like a complete unknown until I founded the latest self-help group : “ Nobodies Anonymous.
” I ’ d like people a lot more if they weren ’ t such idiots .
Fear is the enemy of reason , which I fear is the reason I ’ m so scared .
Feel free to wave your flag , but not my rights !
To @ @ @ @ @ @ @ others .
To find out which way the wind is blowing you must first locate the bullshit pile .
Money is a rich man ’ s invention , to help him get richer .
The most ignorant people in the world are those that never ask any questions , but don ’ t ask me why !
There is also a narrow path leading straight to hell .
Some politicians line up on the left , while others line up on the right , but they all end up stuck in the muddle @ @ @ @ @ @ @ good in others .
With some people , I ’ m still looking .
Eventually , we ’ ll all be joining the “ underground.
” Shakespeare scholars take note : Your toes , by any other name , would smell as feet .
I feel certain that UFO ’ s have landed here on Earth , if only to ask directions .

Ghosts live in the past, dreams live in the future, and we live in between.
The real trick of life is finding the time before it runs away.
I used to feel like a complete unknown until I founded the latest self-help group: “Nobodies Anonymous.”
I’d like people a lot more if they weren’t such idiots.
Reality Television: Searching for demeaning of life.
Fear is the enemy of reason, which I fear is the reason I’m so scared.
Feel free to wave your flag, but not my rights!
To learn from your mistakes, quit blaming others.
To find out which way the wind is blowing you must first locate the bullshit pile.
Money is a rich man’s invention, to help him get richer.
The most ignorant people in the world are those that never ask any questions, but don’t ask me why!
There is also a narrow path leading straight to hell.
Propaganda celebrated itself thusly: “I’m writing a wrong.”
Lobbyists propose all politicians real lies.
Some politicians line up on the left, while others line up on the right, but they all end up stuck in the muddle.
I always try to see the good in others. With some people, I’m still looking.
Eventually, we’ll all be joining the “underground.”
Shakespeare scholars take note: Your toes, by any other name, would smell as feet.
I feel certain that UFO’s have landed here on Earth, if only to ask directions.
Consciousness is aware it’s at.


humortimes--2020-09-07--Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/7/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/7/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon .
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ariana Grande ’ s VMA performance of ‘ Rain on Me ’ was everything we wanted While Miley Cyrus had a wardrobe malfunction at the VMA show ; it seems her clothes stayed on .
Judge again tells Devin Nunes he can ’ t sue Twitter over fake cow ’ s tweets And , he called the suit udder nonsense .
Trump denies he had series of mini strokes … which is also what he says about being with Stormy Daniels .
Coincidence ?
You decide !
Nancy Pelosi says her visit to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ Stylist backs her up The evidence does seem “ cut and dry… ” Julian Alaphilippe sprints to Tour de France stage win and back into leader ’ s yellow jersey Although , I have to say , while watching the Tour De France , it ’ s hard to tell which cyclists are on performance enhancing drugs and which ones are in the control group .
Multiple boats in distress , sinking at Trump Boat Parade on Lake Travis You don ’ t need to have someone take your SATs for you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ attempted to deliver marijuana to a prison via drone has been sentenced to two years He would ’ ve gotten away with it , if he hadn ’ t sent a second drone in with chips and pizza .
If you ’ re still waiting for your family to return , maybe it ’ s you .
Ivanka says they ’ re trying to make her father look incompetent … if so , most successful WH Staff ever .
‘ Dancing With the Stars ’ fans are freaking out over the season 29 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ heard of a couple of the stars .
Damn , the way things are going , Trump better hope Speaker Pelosi decides to get her nails done by the Ayatollah .
The parents of Madonna ’ s new ‘ boyfriend ’ give consent to relationship despite 36-year age gap … as long as she has him home before curfew on a school night .
Trump ’ s rant about ‘ anarchist ’ protesters wielding deadly ‘ cans of soup ’ goes viral In fairness , everyone knows , only good people with cans @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cans of soup…

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande’s VMA performance of ‘Rain on Me’ was everything we wanted
While Miley Cyrus had a wardrobe malfunction at the VMA show; it seems her clothes stayed on.
Judge again tells Devin Nunes he can’t sue Twitter over fake cow’s tweets
And, he called the suit udder nonsense.
Trump denies he had series of mini strokes
… which is also what he says about being with Stormy Daniels. Coincidence? You decide!
Nancy Pelosi says her visit to a hair salon was a ‘setup.’ Stylist backs her up
The evidence does seem “cut and dry…”
Kardashians announce new season of sex, betrayal, money
The Falwells: Hold my beer!
Julian Alaphilippe sprints to Tour de France stage win and back into leader’s yellow jersey
Although, I have to say, while watching the Tour De France, it’s hard to tell which cyclists are on performance enhancing drugs and which ones are in the control group.
Multiple boats in distress, sinking at Trump Boat Parade on Lake Travis
You don’t need to have someone take your SATs for you to see the metaphor…
Nebraska man who attempted to deliver marijuana to a prison via drone has been sentenced to two years
He would’ve gotten away with it, if he hadn’t sent a second drone in with chips and pizza.
Happy 40th Birthday, Macaulay Culkin
If you’re still waiting for your family to return, maybe it’s you.
Ivanka says they’re trying to make her father look incompetent
… if so, most successful WH Staff ever.
‘Dancing With the Stars’ fans are freaking out over the season 29 cast lineup
Seems they’ve actually heard of a couple of the stars.
Fox News confirms ‘The Atlantic’s’ report on Trump’s soldier comments
Damn, the way things are going, Trump better hope Speaker Pelosi decides to get her nails done by the Ayatollah.
The parents of Madonna’s new ‘boyfriend’ give consent to relationship despite 36-year age gap
… as long as she has him home before curfew on a school night.
Trump’s rant about ‘anarchist’ protesters wielding deadly ‘cans of soup’ goes viral
In fairness, everyone knows, only good people with cans of soup can defeat bad people with cans of soup…


humortimes--2020-09-07--Still Unfolding: Local Depressive Finds Herself Tired at Night for Once

[ Disclaimer : This is a satirical news piece , just for fun , read at your own risk ! ]
FAIR HAVEN , NJ — A shock pulsed through the community last night as local HR representative and clinical depressive Ann Sayers defied expectations and for once found herself feeling tired at nighttime .
“ My normal sleeping hours are 4am-6am on weekdays , 5am-2pm on weekends , ” claimed Sayers .
“ And then when I have to go to work I just have three coffees , maybe an Adderall , and spend the rest of my day @ @ @ @ @ @ @ keep me alert .
But last night , when I started dozing off at around 11:30 , something changed.
” Richard Sayers , Ann ’ s ex-husband and roommate , was reached for comment , and made a point to say that this was initially concerning for the two of them .
“ I ’ ve always gone to bed before she did , ” said Richard .
“ When we were sharing a bed , and after .
I ’ ve never made it through an episode of Scandal before having to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thought she was dying .
I thought to call the hospital , but she insisted on just going to bed .
I kept a close eye on her that night , not leaving her side.
” Sayers ’ therapist , Dr. Nigel Rosenthal , told us how her depression and refusal to go on antidepressants has impacted her sleeping patterns .
“ I mean , you talked to her right ?
Her life is a mess.
” says Rosenthal .
“ I know I ’ m not supposed to say things like that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the worst .
I ’ d be depressed .
But yeah , she never sleeps and this is weird .
Sorry , why are you writing about this again ?
” “ I woke up the next morning at around 9:30.
” mused Sayers .
“ I didn ’ t even know the weekends had 9:30 .
I felt more alive and restored than I have in a long , long time and I really look forward to this new way of living.
” UPDATE : Our sources claim that Sayers did not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , meaning she began her work week on two hours of sleep .
Her co-workers have said she looked more haggard than ever walking in that Monday .
Richard has lost interest .

[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]
Local HR representative and clinical depressive Ann Sayers defied expectations with changing sleeping habits.
FAIR HAVEN, NJ — A shock pulsed through the community last night as local HR representative and clinical depressive Ann Sayers defied expectations and for once found herself feeling tired at nighttime.
“My normal sleeping hours are 4am-6am on weekdays, 5am-2pm on weekends,” claimed Sayers. “And then when I have to go to work I just have three coffees, maybe an Adderall, and spend the rest of my day periodically slapping myself in the face to keep me alert. But last night, when I started dozing off at around 11:30, something changed.”
Richard Sayers, Ann’s ex-husband and roommate, was reached for comment, and made a point to say that this was initially concerning for the two of them.
“I’ve always gone to bed before she did,” said Richard. “When we were sharing a bed, and after. I’ve never made it through an episode of Scandal before having to turn in at around midnight. We thought she was dying. I thought to call the hospital, but she insisted on just going to bed. I kept a close eye on her that night, not leaving her side.”
Sayers’ therapist, Dr. Nigel Rosenthal, told us how her depression and refusal to go on antidepressants has impacted her sleeping patterns.
“I mean, you talked to her right? Her life is a mess.” says Rosenthal. “I know I’m not supposed to say things like that but, god, her life is the worst. I’d be depressed. But yeah, she never sleeps and this is weird. Sorry, why are you writing about this again?”
“I woke up the next morning at around 9:30.” mused Sayers. “I didn’t even know the weekends had 9:30. I felt more alive and restored than I have in a long, long time and I really look forward to this new way of living.”
UPDATE: Our sources claim that Sayers did not sleep for 15 hours following that evening, meaning she began her work week on two hours of sleep. Her co-workers have said she looked more haggard than ever walking in that Monday. Richard has lost interest.


humortimes--2020-09-07--Morrill Goddard: Godfather of the ‘Comics’

Morrill Goddard is not a name we readily associate with the comics .
In fact , it is a name that crops up only occasionally in histories of American newspapers and in biographies of some of the press barons who built their fiefdoms on the work of journalists like Goddard .
And wherever his name appears , it never gets more than a paragraph .
Sometimes , only a sentence .
Goddard is nearly unknown because the man had a passion for anonymity .
All that we know about him is divulged herewith—in connection with what we have been calling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the “ comics ” are not necessarily comical , the obvious meaning of the word to the contrary notwithstanding .
Bugs Bunny , Batman , Dagwood , Mary Worth .
Whether in pulpy pamphlets or newspapers , comics are sometimes funny and sometimes quite serious .
So why call them “ comics ” ?
The reasons for the anomaly are evident in the history of the medium , a history over which Goddard hovers consequentially albeit largely unacknowledged .
Newspapers had published cartoons before 1893 , but it was in the spring of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ started publishing cartoons in a Sunday supplement that became embroiled in a circulation war in the Big Apple , which , taking place in the nation ’ s largest city where the media set a pace for the rest of the country , had ramifications beyond the city limits .
Morrill Goddard , an intense man with exacting journalistic standards , was the editor of the Sunday World .
At the time of his death in July 1937 , his assistant of 26 years , Abraham Merritt , wrote a elegiac obituary in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ confessing that soon after he started working for Goddard , he began to think his boss was the greatest of editors .
“ There might have been some hero worship in it then , ” he admitted , “ but now , after a quarter of a century , I no longer think he was the greatest editor of his day .
I know he was.
” Goddard “ abhorred all sham and pretense , ” Merritt wrote .
“ He took a grim joy in pricking the balloon of some inflated personality @ @ @ @ @ @ @ … [ He was ] a constant challenger of what he considered ‘ mischievous fallacies ’ ” masquerading as truths or facts .
Goddard , Merritt went on , “ combined in one extraordinary synthesis creative and executive genius of the highest order .
He had the unique power of being able to project himself into the minds of all classes of people , discover and be interested in what interested them and reflect that interest in the pages of his paper.
” Devoted single-mindedly to his profession , Goddard was essentially defined @ @ @ @ @ @ @ simple , unprepossessing personality .
“ I know of no man , ” Merritt said , “ who , occupying the position he did , being what he was , had so little egotism , who was so devoid of what he called ‘ high hat bunk.
’ ” In his personal conduct , demanding though he was of subordinates and reporters , Morrill Goddard was deliberately self-effacing and was virtually unknown by the public at large .
He never had a photograph taken .
“ Once , ” Merritt said , “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of ] him while on one of his boats , he made me destroy the film .
‘ Nobody is interested in me , ’ he ’ d say .
‘ All they ’ re interested in is my product.
’ ” His product for most of his long life was the newspaper Sunday supplement that he edited at William Randolph Hearst ’ s American Journal .
“ It was , ” Merritt asserted , “ the main and almost the only interest in his life.
” But Goddard had a life before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Joseph Pulitzer ’ s New York World , where , on May 21 , 1893 , Goddard had produced the first Sunday comics supplement in color .
The idea of a color Sunday “ magazine ” had been under discussion at the World since 1891 , according to Roy L. McCardell , who wrote about it in Everybody ’ s Magazine for June 1905 .
The paper started a comics section in 1889 , but it wasn ’ t until 1893 that a press was devised that could print color accurately .
At @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thought the color supplement should be devoted to women ’ s fashions , “ but just about that time , Goddard , city editor of the World , was made Sunday editor.
” And Goddard “ was emphatically against the fashion supplement.
” Morrill Goddard “ went in for the weird and wonderful in everyday life , ” said McCardell , “ and if things were not so weird and wonderful enough for him , he made them so.
” In his Pulitzer : A Life , Denis Brian retails several stories about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Dartmouth graduate Goddard … persuaded a leading Episcopal clergyman to live in a Hell ’ s Kitchen tenement for six weeks and report his impressions , which started with a sizzling : ‘ I would rather live in hell than Hell ’ s Kitchen.
’ … “ Considered the leading practitioner of the ‘ crime , underwear and pseudo-science school of journalism , Goddard illustrated a science feature on anatomy with the shapely legs of actresses and showgirls.
’ ” On another occasion , Goddard concocted “ a hilarious account of a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ White , in which , for dessert , a naked model ‘ covered only by the ceiling , ’ as the World put it , stepped from a papier-mâché pie .
… Goddard had spread an eye-catching sketch of the shapely dessert across two pages.
” In a widely available history of journalism , The Press in America , Edwin Emery observes that Morrill Goddard “ jazzed up his page spreads , exaggerating and popularizing the factual information .
Scientists particularly were the victims of the Sunday newspaper ’ s predilection for distortion @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stories of yellow journalism made the men of science shy away from newspaper coverage for the next 50 years.
” In an article , “ The Fourth Current , ” in Collier ’ s ( February 18 , 1911 ) , one of Goddard ’ s staff explained the operation : “ Suppose it ’ s Halley ’ s comet .
Well , first you have a half-page of decoration showing the comet , with historical pictures of previous appearances thrown in .
If you can work a pretty girl into the decoration @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not , get some good nightmare idea like the inhabitants of Mars watching it pass .
Then we want a quarter of a page of big-type heads—snappy .
Then four inches of story , written right off the bat .
Then a picture of Professor Halley down here and another of Professor Lowell up there , and a two-column boxed freak containing a scientific opinion , which nobody will understand , just to give it class.
” And it was Morrill Goddard ’ s “ professional opinion , ” McCardell avowed , “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ought to have a colored pictorial outlet.
” To give the World class , we might say .
Goddard ’ s plan for the World ’ s color Sunday supplement was to make it in the image of the weekly humor magazines of cartoons and humorous verse then enjoying enthusiastic readership in New York and around the country .
At first , Goddard was forced to reprint cartoons from the humor magazines because many of the most desirable cartoonists were under contract with them and obliged to give them first refusal rights .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the staff of one of them , Puck , and Goddard , in quest of work that would be original with the World , approached him , asking if he knew any artists who could do comic work who were not contracted to any of the weeklies .
McCardell directed Goddard to Richard F. Outcault , a draftsman on the staff of the Electrical World and the Street Railway Journal , who had been dabbling in comic pictures , too .
Outcault would do his first original work for the World with a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He would eventually produce a half-page comical drawing called “ Hogan ’ s Alley ” in which a bald-headed kid in a yellow nightshirt stood out among the other street urchins and , as “ the Yellow Kid , ” would demonstrate and establish the commercial value of comics to newspapers by boosting circulation , thus assuring the subsequent maturation of the comic strip form .
Meanwhile , Outcault continued doing cartoons for Truth , one of several humorous weeklies in the mold of Puck , Judge and Life , the three @ @ @ @ @ @ @ comical drawings and amusing short essays and droll verse , these magazines were dubbed “ comic weeklies ” in common parlance—or , even , “ comics.
” So when the World launched its imitation “ comic weekly ” as a supplement to its Sunday edition , it was lumped together in the popular mind as another of the “ comics.
” In short , “ comics ” denoted the vehicle not the art form .
And then , once the World had shown the way , papers in other cities began publishing humorous @ @ @ @ @ @ @ color and risible essays and verse .
In a relatively short time , obeying the dictates of demand , newspapers eliminated the essays and verse and concentrated on comical artwork , which was increasingly presented in the form of “ strips ” of pictures portraying hilarities in narrative sequence .
It was but a short step to the use of comics to designate the art form ( cartoons and comic strips ) as distinct from the vehicle in which they appeared ( the Sunday supplement itself ) .
Once that bridge was crossed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ( or “ continuity ” ) strips arrived in the 1920s , and even when , in the 1930s , the stories they told were serious , they were called “ comics ” because they looked like the art form called comics and they appeared in newspapers with all the others of that ilk .
Finally , when comic strips began to be reprinted in magazine form in the 1930s , the now-generic term was applied to those magazines , too ; in the new format , comic books quickly emerged from comics @ @ @ @ @ @ @ alternative name for the former ) .
Disputation about where the first newspaper comics appeared and who drew the first ones has fomented for years .
Was it the New York World or , as it has lately be asserted , the Inter Ocean in Chicago that published the first Sunday color comics ?
Was Outcault the first with a regularly appearing comics feature ?
Or was it Charles Saalburg with The Ting Lings in the Inter Ocean ?
Wherever and whoever will eventually emerge undisputed with the titles , the World seems @ @ @ @ @ @ @ published in 1928 when Outcault died : “ To say that the late R.F .
Outcault was the inventor of the comic supplement [ a generous but erroneous attribution of early comics history ] is of course to ignore the social factors that lead up to all inventions .
… But it is due Morrill Goddard … to say that he saw in the early nineties that the time was ripe for ‘ comic art , ’ and it is due Mr. Outcault to say that his talent made the most of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of American Graphic Humor , Vol .
1 : 1865-1938 [ 136 ] by William Murrell ) .
Whether the evolution of the term followed the lines I ’ ve sketched precisely or only generally ( the Oxford English Dictionary is not explicit in its etymology ) , it is certain that a confusing coinage was in wide circulation .
And it is also certain that we call the art form “ comics ” rather than the less confusing “ cartoon strips ” or ( for comic books ) “ paginated cartoon strips @ @ @ @ @ @ @ deployment of the World ’ s Sunday supplement as an imitation of weekly humor magazines .

Funnies Farrago presents: Morrill Goddard, Godfather of the “Comics”
Morrill Goddard is not a name we readily associate with the comics. In fact, it is a name that crops up only occasionally in histories of American newspapers and in biographies of some of the press barons who built their fiefdoms on the work of journalists like Goddard. And wherever his name appears, it never gets more than a paragraph. Sometimes, only a sentence. Goddard is nearly unknown because the man had a passion for anonymity. All that we know about him is divulged herewith—in connection with what we have been calling “comics” for generations.
But the “comics” are not necessarily comical, the obvious meaning of the word to the contrary notwithstanding. Bugs Bunny, Batman, Dagwood, Mary Worth. Whether in pulpy pamphlets or newspapers, comics are sometimes funny and sometimes quite serious. So why call them “comics”? The reasons for the anomaly are evident in the history of the medium, a history over which Goddard hovers consequentially albeit largely unacknowledged.
Newspapers had published cartoons before 1893, but it was in the spring of that year that the New York World started publishing cartoons in a Sunday supplement that became embroiled in a circulation war in the Big Apple, which, taking place in the nation’s largest city where the media set a pace for the rest of the country, had ramifications beyond the city limits.
Morrill Goddard, an intense man with exacting journalistic standards, was the editor of the Sunday World. At the time of his death in July 1937, his assistant of 26 years, Abraham Merritt, wrote a elegiac obituary in Editor & Publisher (July), confessing that soon after he started working for Goddard, he began to think his boss was the greatest of editors. “There might have been some hero worship in it then,” he admitted, “but now, after a quarter of a century, I no longer think he was the greatest editor of his day. I know he was.”
Goddard “abhorred all sham and pretense,” Merritt wrote. “He took a grim joy in pricking the balloon of some inflated personality. He had a passion for accuracy … [He was] a constant challenger of what he considered ‘mischievous fallacies’” masquerading as truths or facts. Goddard, Merritt went on, “combined in one extraordinary synthesis creative and executive genius of the highest order. He had the unique power of being able to project himself into the minds of all classes of people, discover and be interested in what interested them and reflect that interest in the pages of his paper.”
Devoted single-mindedly to his profession, Goddard was essentially defined by his dedication. His was a simple, unprepossessing personality. “I know of no man,” Merritt said, “who, occupying the position he did, being what he was, had so little egotism, who was so devoid of what he called ‘high hat bunk.’”
In his personal conduct, demanding though he was of subordinates and reporters, Morrill Goddard was deliberately self-effacing and was virtually unknown by the public at large. He never had a photograph taken. “Once,” Merritt said, “when I inadvertently snapped [a photo of] him while on one of his boats, he made me destroy the film. ‘Nobody is interested in me,’ he’d say. ‘All they’re interested in is my product.’”
His product for most of his long life was the newspaper Sunday supplement that he edited at William Randolph Hearst’s American Journal. “It was,” Merritt asserted, “the main and almost the only interest in his life.” But Goddard had a life before Hearst. Hearst had found him at Joseph Pulitzer’s New York World, where, on May 21, 1893, Goddard had produced the first Sunday comics supplement in color.
The idea of a color Sunday “magazine” had been under discussion at the World since 1891, according to Roy L. McCardell, who wrote about it in Everybody’s Magazine for June 1905. The paper started a comics section in 1889, but it wasn’t until 1893 that a press was devised that could print color accurately. At first, the paper’s editors thought the color supplement should be devoted to women’s fashions, “but just about that time, Goddard, city editor of the World, was made Sunday editor.” And Goddard “was emphatically against the fashion supplement.”
Morrill Goddard “went in for the weird and wonderful in everyday life,” said McCardell, “and if things were not so weird and wonderful enough for him, he made them so.”
In his Pulitzer: A Life, Denis Brian retails several stories about Goddard’s inventive circulation-building enterprise: “Dartmouth graduate Goddard … persuaded a leading Episcopal clergyman to live in a Hell’s Kitchen tenement for six weeks and report his impressions, which started with a sizzling: ‘I would rather live in hell than Hell’s Kitchen.’ …
“Considered the leading practitioner of the ‘crime, underwear and pseudo-science school of journalism, Goddard illustrated a science feature on anatomy with the shapely legs of actresses and showgirls.’” On another occasion, Goddard concocted “a hilarious account of a raunchy stag party thrown by architect Stanford White, in which, for dessert, a naked model ‘covered only by the ceiling,’ as the World put it, stepped from a papier-mâché pie. … Goddard had spread an eye-catching sketch of the shapely dessert across two pages.”
In a widely available history of journalism, The Press in America, Edwin Emery observes that Morrill Goddard “jazzed up his page spreads, exaggerating and popularizing the factual information. Scientists particularly were the victims of the Sunday newspaper’s predilection for distortion and sensationalism, and the pseudo scientific stories of yellow journalism made the men of science shy away from newspaper coverage for the next 50 years.”
In an article, “The Fourth Current,” in Collier’s (February 18, 1911), one of Goddard’s staff explained the operation:
“Suppose it’s Halley’s comet. Well, first you have a half-page of decoration showing the comet, with historical pictures of previous appearances thrown in. If you can work a pretty girl into the decoration, so much the better. If not, get some good nightmare idea like the inhabitants of Mars watching it pass. Then we want a quarter of a page of big-type heads—snappy. Then four inches of story, written right off the bat. Then a picture of Professor Halley down here and another of Professor Lowell up there, and a two-column boxed freak containing a scientific opinion, which nobody will understand, just to give it class.”
And it was Morrill Goddard’s “professional opinion,” McCardell avowed, “that American humor, not fashion, ought to have a colored pictorial outlet.” To give the World class, we might say.
Goddard’s plan for the World’s color Sunday supplement was to make it in the image of the weekly humor magazines of cartoons and humorous verse then enjoying enthusiastic readership in New York and around the country. At first, Goddard was forced to reprint cartoons from the humor magazines because many of the most desirable cartoonists were under contract with them and obliged to give them first refusal rights.
At the time, McCardell was on the staff of one of them, Puck, and Goddard, in quest of work that would be original with the World, approached him, asking if he knew any artists who could do comic work who were not contracted to any of the weeklies. McCardell directed Goddard to Richard F. Outcault, a draftsman on the staff of the Electrical World and the Street Railway Journal, who had been dabbling in comic pictures, too. Outcault would do his first original work for the World with a comic strip published September 16, 1894. He would eventually produce a half-page comical drawing called “Hogan’s Alley” in which a bald-headed kid in a yellow nightshirt stood out among the other street urchins and, as “the Yellow Kid,” would demonstrate and establish the commercial value of comics to newspapers by boosting circulation, thus assuring the subsequent maturation of the comic strip form. Meanwhile, Outcault continued doing cartoons for Truth, one of several humorous weeklies in the mold of Puck, Judge and Life, the three most popular of the genre.
Offering comical drawings and amusing short essays and droll verse, these magazines were dubbed “comic weeklies” in common parlance—or, even, “comics.” So when the World launched its imitation “comic weekly” as a supplement to its Sunday edition, it was lumped together in the popular mind as another of the “comics.”
In short, “comics” denoted the vehicle not the art form.
And then, once the World had shown the way, papers in other cities began publishing humorous Sunday supplements full of funny drawings in color and risible essays and verse. In a relatively short time, obeying the dictates of demand, newspapers eliminated the essays and verse and concentrated on comical artwork, which was increasingly presented in the form of “strips” of pictures portraying hilarities in narrative sequence. It was but a short step to the use of comics to designate the art form (cartoons and comic strips) as distinct from the vehicle in which they appeared (the Sunday supplement itself). Once that bridge was crossed, meaning deteriorated pretty rapidly.
Storytelling (or “continuity”) strips arrived in the 1920s, and even when, in the 1930s, the stories they told were serious, they were called “comics” because they looked like the art form called comics and they appeared in newspapers with all the others of that ilk. Finally, when comic strips began to be reprinted in magazine form in the 1930s, the now-generic term was applied to those magazines, too; in the new format, comic books quickly emerged from comics (although the latter persisted as an alternative name for the former).
Disputation about where the first newspaper comics appeared and who drew the first ones has fomented for years. Was it the New York World or, as it has lately be asserted, the Inter Ocean in Chicago that published the first Sunday color comics? Was Outcault the first with a regularly appearing comics feature? Or was it Charles Saalburg with The Ting Lings in the Inter Ocean?
Wherever and whoever will eventually emerge undisputed with the titles, the World seems both judicious and accurate in its editorial published in 1928 when Outcault died:
“To say that the late R.F. Outcault was the inventor of the comic supplement [a generous but erroneous attribution of early comics history] is of course to ignore the social factors that lead up to all inventions. … But it is due Morrill Goddard … to say that he saw in the early nineties that the time was ripe for ‘comic art,’ and it is due Mr. Outcault to say that his talent made the most of the opening” (quoted in A History of American Graphic Humor, Vol. 1: 1865-1938 [136] by William Murrell).
Whether the evolution of the term followed the lines I’ve sketched precisely or only generally (the Oxford English Dictionary is not explicit in its etymology), it is certain that a confusing coinage was in wide circulation. And it is also certain that we call the art form “comics” rather than the less confusing “cartoon strips” or (for comic books) “paginated cartoon strips” because of Goddard’s inspired deployment of the World’s Sunday supplement as an imitation of weekly humor magazines.


humortimes--2020-09-08--Help the Billionaires Fund

Help the Billionaires Fund

Donate to the Billionaires Fund today and help support America ’ s poor wealthy !
These are the faces of the three Sackler brothers whose OxyContin-selling company Purdue Pharma is facing bankruptcy .
And those are the brothers Koch , Charles and the late David , who spent much of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves .
These five men belong to one of America ’ s fastest growing disadvantaged groups : billionaires .
Fifty years ago , there were only dozens of these unfortunate souls .
But now there are hundreds and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they desperately need our help .
You may seldom see them but they live among us .
Just not in your immediate neighborhood .
Sadly , they are often forced to live in remote compounds walled off from you and me .
Theirs is a sad lonely existence living behind electrified gates and fences .
Due to the curse of inherited or accumulated wealth , these poor souls don ’ t have access to the things some of us take for granted , like unemployment insurance , social assistance , food stamps and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be 100 % self-reliant .
Except for the occasional seven-figure tax cut or multi-million dollar government subsidy , they are forced to provide for themselves .
Unlike us , billionaires must deal with the never-ending problem of rapidly increasing riches .
The Sacklers and the Kochs are typical victims of today ’ s economy .
While you enjoy the certainty of living pay check to pay check , they must try to cope with the heartache and tragedy of unanticipated revenues and continuous capital accumulations .
In your lifetime , you ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of being in the highest tax bracket or repeatedly facing million-dollar capital gains .
But the brothers Sackler and Koch and more than a thousand others like them face these challenges every day .
Yes , there have been advances in recent decades to help America ’ s disadvantaged .
We ’ ve managed to lower their top marginal tax rates from 80 % to an effective rate of 25 % or less .
We ’ ve reduced the tax on their capital gains , provided new tax loopholes and created new offshore @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more .
Please call the number on your screen right now and give to the Help the Billionaires Fund .
For as little as one dollar a day , you can help sponsor one of America ’ s unfortunate billionaires .
Your donation can assist in any number of small ways .
It may go to buy something as simple as a new gold-plated door knocker for one of your sponsored billionaire ’ s multiple residences .
Or it might pay for stocking the mini-fridge in one of his planes or automobiles .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ day , your annual donation can help feed a hungry billionaire and make sure that he is never without the necessities of a wealthy life such as Champagne , truffles and caviar .
For $ 25 a day , you can help clothe one of America ’ s most needy .
For the price of five daily lattes , you ’ ll help to ensure that your sponsored billionaire will always have a ready supply of silk shirts and ties and never again suffer the humiliation of having to buy suits off the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ achieve the legal victories that will eventually allow these folks to enjoy all the rights and privileges they deserve .
Already the U. S. Supreme Court has taken steps to guarantee that America ’ s billionaires do not suffer unduly from severe campaign financing limitations .
But there is more work to be done and your generous gift can help to one day lift any and all restrictions on billionaires ’ campaign donations so they can exercise their full democratic rights .
So donate today and help support America ’ s wealthy .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ continue to grow thereby threatening the adequate supply of everything from Mercedes-Benzes to private jets to professional sports franchises .
Remember ; by providing these folks with more , you ’ re really just helping yourself when the money eventually trickles back down to you .
It truly is the gift that keeps on giving .

Donate to the Billionaires Fund today and help support America’s poor wealthy!
These are the faces of the three Sackler brothers whose OxyContin-selling company Purdue Pharma is facing bankruptcy. And those are the brothers Koch, Charles and the late David, who spent much of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves. These five men belong to one of America’s fastest growing disadvantaged groups: billionaires.
Fifty years ago, there were only dozens of these unfortunate souls. But now there are hundreds and because their numbers continue to grow, they desperately need our help.
You may seldom see them but they live among us. Just not in your immediate neighborhood. Sadly, they are often forced to live in remote compounds walled off from you and me. Theirs is a sad lonely existence living behind electrified gates and fences.
Due to the curse of inherited or accumulated wealth, these poor souls don’t have access to the things some of us take for granted, like unemployment insurance, social assistance, food stamps and Medicaid. Every day they have to be 100% self-reliant. Except for the occasional seven-figure tax cut or multi-million dollar government subsidy, they are forced to provide for themselves.
Unlike us, billionaires must deal with the never-ending problem of rapidly increasing riches. The Sacklers and the Kochs are typical victims of today’s economy. While you enjoy the certainty of living pay check to pay check, they must try to cope with the heartache and tragedy of unanticipated revenues and continuous capital accumulations.
In your lifetime, you’ll likely never have to suffer the stress of being in the highest tax bracket or repeatedly facing million-dollar capital gains. But the brothers Sackler and Koch and more than a thousand others like them face these challenges every day.
Yes, there have been advances in recent decades to help America’s disadvantaged. We’ve managed to lower their top marginal tax rates from 80% to an effective rate of 25% or less. We’ve reduced the tax on their capital gains, provided new tax loopholes and created new offshore tax havens. But we can do more.
Please call the number on your screen right now and give to the Help the Billionaires Fund. For as little as one dollar a day, you can help sponsor one of America’s unfortunate billionaires.
Your donation can assist in any number of small ways. It may go to buy something as simple as a new gold-plated door knocker for one of your sponsored billionaire’s multiple residences. Or it might pay for stocking the mini-fridge in one of his planes or automobiles.
If you can afford five dollars a day, your annual donation can help feed a hungry billionaire and make sure that he is never without the necessities of a wealthy life such as Champagne, truffles and caviar.
For $25 a day, you can help clothe one of America’s most needy. For the price of five daily lattes, you’ll help to ensure that your sponsored billionaire will always have a ready supply of silk shirts and ties and never again suffer the humiliation of having to buy suits off the rack.
Your gift will also help achieve the legal victories that will eventually allow these folks to enjoy all the rights and privileges they deserve. Already the U. S. Supreme Court has taken steps to guarantee that America’s billionaires do not suffer unduly from severe campaign financing limitations. But there is more work to be done and your generous gift can help to one day lift any and all restrictions on billionaires’ campaign donations so they can exercise their full democratic rights.
So donate today and help support America’s wealthy. Despite our best efforts, their numbers continue to grow thereby threatening the adequate supply of everything from Mercedes-Benzes to private jets to professional sports franchises.
Remember; by providing these folks with more, you’re really just helping yourself when the money eventually trickles back down to you. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving.