humortimes--2020-08-03--In Lieu of Coin Shortage, US Hurriedly Mints Special Commemorative Coins That Don’t Go Over So Well

In a special move to answer a crying need for coins needed due to a shortage , the US Mints have begun issuing a new batch of commemorative coins for each state .
Unfortunately , to the embarrassment of oversight officials , a number of designs were created and not monitored for content before being sent out to banks .
Governors of several states have sent in complaints about how their lands were depicted on the coins .
Colorado Governor Jared Polis was livid when he saw the Colorado commemorative quarter picturing his state as being a hotbed of cocaine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ offensive , even if it is true , ” he stated in an interview in the Denver Post .
Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds did not take well to her state being seen as the boring center to an otherwise exciting country .
“ We can ’ t help it if we were the last ones to get scenic vistas and energetic big cities .
It looks like God was at the bottom of the mixing bowl when it came to us.
” California Governor Gavin Newsom breathed a sigh of relief that they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a very non-modest naked image of a porn star in a very compromising ‘ position ’ celebrating California ’ s reputation as the ‘ Porn Capital of the U.S. ’ to a more easy-to-digest slam on two of their more famous ( and infamous ) past Governors .
Mississippians were not at all happy that they were caricatured as being the intellectual , ethical and social dumping grounds of the country .
“ Ta show us as bein ’ the trash of the cuntry is not a nice thing at all !
Youse @ @ @ @ @ @ @ otherwise I ’ come out there and lynch yur hides !
” commented a Mississippian interviewed by phone for this story .
A great cry has gone out from states insulted by the quarters to recall them .
Unfortunately most of them are already lodged in laundromat machines , soda dispensers and automatic car wash facilities throughout the country .
Also , the second wave of coins has already been put into circulation which is going to infuriate the citizens of Oregon , Maine and Alaska to the point of anarchy .
On @ @ @ @ @ @ @ around the world are having a hoot with them .
Note from the author : On a more serious note , please write your congress people that all coins smaller than a quarter should be phased out of existence .
Dimes , nickels and pennies are worthless , a waste of time for cashiers , banks and the public alike , and have no real value in our modern world .
Nickels and pennies cost more to make than their actual worth and make yet another burden on we overwhelmed taxpayers to produce @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ahead on this are the nickel and copper producers who surely lobby Congress to keep making them at our expense .
Canada has already gotten smart over this and stopped making pennies long ago .
Shouldn ’ t we do the same ?

New commemorative coins not universally accepted.
In a special move to answer a crying need for coins needed due to a shortage, the US Mints have begun issuing a new batch of commemorative coins for each state. Unfortunately, to the embarrassment of oversight officials, a number of designs were created and not monitored for content before being sent out to banks. Governors of several states have sent in complaints about how their lands were depicted on the coins.
Colorado Governor Jared Polis was livid when he saw the Colorado commemorative quarter picturing his state as being a hotbed of cocaine use. “I find this highly offensive, even if it is true,” he stated in an interview in the Denver Post.
Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds did not take well to her state being seen as the boring center to an otherwise exciting country. “We can’t help it if we were the last ones to get scenic vistas and energetic big cities. It looks like God was at the bottom of the mixing bowl when it came to us.”
California Governor Gavin Newsom breathed a sigh of relief that they changed his state’s coin from a very non-modest naked image of a porn star in a very compromising ‘position’ celebrating California’s reputation as the ‘Porn Capital of the U.S.’ to a more easy-to-digest slam on two of their more famous (and infamous) past Governors.
Mississippians were not at all happy that they were caricatured as being the intellectual, ethical and social dumping grounds of the country. “Ta show us as bein’ the trash of the cuntry is not a nice thing at all! Youse is lucky ma car is oughta gas otherwise I’ come out there and lynch yur hides!” commented a Mississippian interviewed by phone for this story.
A great cry has gone out from states insulted by the quarters to recall them. Unfortunately most of them are already lodged in laundromat machines, soda dispensers and automatic car wash facilities throughout the country. Also, the second wave of coins has already been put into circulation which is going to infuriate the citizens of Oregon, Maine and Alaska to the point of anarchy.
On the other hand, coin collectors all around the world are having a hoot with them.
Note from the author: On a more serious note, please write your congress people that all coins smaller than a quarter should be phased out of existence. Dimes, nickels and pennies are worthless, a waste of time for cashiers, banks and the public alike, and have no real value in our modern world. Nickels and pennies cost more to make than their actual worth and make yet another burden on we overwhelmed taxpayers to produce. The only ones who come out ahead on this are the nickel and copper producers who surely lobby Congress to keep making them at our expense.
Canada has already gotten smart over this and stopped making pennies long ago. Shouldn’t we do the same?


humortimes--2020-08-05--Who or What is Isaias? SNN Has Answers

Who or What is Isaias? SNN Has Answers

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Attack Dogs Unleashed

Dr. Deborah Birx got it from both sides , as both Pelosi and Trump unloaded on her like a couple enraged attack dogs .
Recently U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi attacked Deborah Birx , the physician in charge of the White House ’ s Coronavirus Task Force , allegedly calling her the “ worst ” and saying we are in “ horrible hands.
” Polosi later declared that Dr. Birx has enabled President Trump in the spread of coronavirus misinformation , although she did acknowledge that Birx does wear lovely scarves .
Then Trump piled on , attacking Birx for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ extraordinarily widespread across the country and calling her words “ pathetic.
” He barked that in the future he was going to have to keep her on a short leash .
Washington insiders were stunned by the president ’ s verbal onslaught — not his words per se , but the fact that Trump and Pelosi both seemed to agree that they didn ’ t like things that Dr. Birx has said .
Officials could not recall them ever having agreed on anything before .
However , White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Speaker called Deborah Birx the “ worst ” while the president called her “ pathetic , ” so they were actually far apart in their view of the doctor .
It was later reported that even Birx ’ s dog turned on her , biting her in an attack that appeared to be politically motivated .
“ I guess even Rover has turned against me although I don ’ t know which comments he took offense with , ” she said .
Later , in a hastily called news conference where she wore @ @ @ @ @ @ @ scarf , Birx admitted that she was currently in the doghouse with both Democrats and Republicans .
But , in future reports , she would throw both sides a bone .
From now on she planned to issue both pro-Trump assessments of the pandemic , where she will point out what an EXTRAORDINARILY good job the president is doing , along with pro-Fauci appraisals of the situation in which she would describe how EXTRAORDINARILY widespread the pandemic has become .
The doctor also said that during all future news conferences she would wear @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the hope that her words would be so garbled that no one would know for sure what she was saying .
Finishing up , a tired and frustrated Dr. Birx said that she was headed home to lap up a well-deserved gin and Lysol on the rocks .
My name is JC Wade and I approved this article .

Dr. Deborah Birx got it from both sides, as both Pelosi and Trump unloaded on her like a couple enraged attack dogs.
Recently U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi attacked Deborah Birx, the physician in charge of the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force, allegedly calling her the “worst” and saying we are in “horrible hands.” Polosi later declared that Dr. Birx has enabled President Trump in the spread of coronavirus misinformation, although she did acknowledge that Birx does wear lovely scarves.
Then Trump piled on, attacking Birx for her comments that the coronavirus pandemic is extraordinarily widespread across the country and calling her words “pathetic.” He barked that in the future he was going to have to keep her on a short leash.
Washington insiders were stunned by the president’s verbal onslaught — not his words per se, but the fact that Trump and Pelosi both seemed to agree that they didn’t like things that Dr. Birx has said. Officials could not recall them ever having agreed on anything before.
However, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany was quick to point out that the Speaker called Deborah Birx the “worst” while the president called her “pathetic,” so they were actually far apart in their view of the doctor.
It was later reported that even Birx’s dog turned on her, biting her in an attack that appeared to be politically motivated. “I guess even Rover has turned against me although I don’t know which comments he took offense with,” she said.
Later, in a hastily called news conference where she wore a beautiful blue and gold Hermes silk scarf, Birx admitted that she was currently in the doghouse with both Democrats and Republicans. But, in future reports, she would throw both sides a bone. From now on she planned to issue both pro-Trump assessments of the pandemic, where she will point out what an EXTRAORDINARILY good job the president is doing, along with pro-Fauci appraisals of the situation in which she would describe how EXTRAORDINARILY widespread the pandemic has become.
The doctor also said that during all future news conferences she would wear her mask even while she was speaking in the hope that her words would be so garbled that no one would know for sure what she was saying.
Finishing up, a tired and frustrated Dr. Birx said that she was headed home to lap up a well-deserved gin and Lysol on the rocks.
My name is JC Wade and I approved this article.


humortimes--2020-08-05--Showing Patriotism in a Time of Chaos

Showing Patriotism in a Time of Chaos

In this time of chaos , woe and deep national divide , I ’ ll be damned to hell before I meekly sit by .
I ’ m flying a flag these days .
The Stars and Stripes , Old Glory , America ’ s flag , OUR flag !
I ’ ve strapped it to my 2011 made-in the-USA Ford Fiesta , and I ’ m zipping around town as proudly as anyone else in the red , white and blue Bubbaland of South Austin , like some modern-day Patrick Henry on wheels .
As with so many others @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out of an assertive , perhaps defiant pride in this time of chaos .
For I am proud , damned proud , to be an American citizen .
And in this time of true woe and deep national divide , I ’ ll be damned to hell before I meekly sit by and allow this symbol of our nation ’ s founding ideals… liberty and justice for all… to be captured and defiled by reactionary autocrats , theocrats , xenophobic haters , warmongers , America Firsters , corporatists , militarists , fearmongers , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Our flag is no piece of sheeting for authoritarians to hide behind as they rend our hard-won liberties in the name of President Donald Trump .
Nor is our flag some bloody rag to be waved by politicians hoping to whip us into such an outrage that they can turn our people ’ s republic into a garrisoned state , armed to the teeth and mired in fear and hatred .
We Americans are not that blind .
Our flag is the banner of freedom seekers , risk takers , democracy builders , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ raisers and hell raisers , a liberty-loving people who are naturally suspicious of authority and able to detect that the real threat to our land of the free comes not from afar but from within .
Our flag is made of strong democratic cloth , artfully designed and painstakingly stitched together over 245 years , liberty by individual liberty , people ’ s movement by people ’ s movement .
Our flag embodies a democratic continuum that connects us today to the pamphleteers and Sons of Liberty ; the Declaration of Independence and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and the suffragists ; Sojourner Truth and Frederick Douglass ; the populists and Wobblies ; Mother Jones and Joe Hill ; Martin Luther King Jr. and Cesar Chavez .
Protest is the essence of American democracy , of America itself , and it is especially essential when a muddleheaded guy like Donald Trump sits in the president ’ s chair .
Under his watch , militarized police are taking the lives of more than 1,000 people every year ( Black Americans are disproportionately killed at the hands of police officers ) ; COVID-19 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in Washington refuse to lead ; our economy is crashing as corporate CEOs pay themselves and their shareholders millions of dollars looted from our public coffers ; and secret police are snatching people off the streets .
Then there is the climate crisis , our crumbling infrastructure , our underfunded education system ( a la Education Secretary Betsy DeVos ) , unprecedented homelessness , 27 million Americas with no health care coverage , one of the highest unemployment rates ever recorded and the list goes on .
If we don ’ t protest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ What should we ask our government to do ?
We citizens must be forceful in holding Washington accountable .
First , instead of aiding corporate looters , Washington should launch a major reinvestment in grassroots America .
To stimulate the economy , put these corporate “ relief ” funds directly into the hands of working families all across America .
Second , strengthen our national security by making major , long overdue public investments in our infrastructure , schools , hospitals , roads , bridges , parks , etc .
Add to this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ population corridors with high-speed passenger trains .
Help overworked police officers by fully funding housing for the homeless ; substance abuse treatment counselors and facilities ; mental health care professionals and crisis centers ; social workers ; etc .
This would allow police to focus only on actual crime and not people in crisis .
Third , to deal with the recession , instead of cutting income taxes , cut payroll taxes ; raise the minimum wage ; extend Medicare to cover all uninsured men , women and children ; reinstate pandemic unemployment @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
All of this spreads money , like fertilizer , to the grassroots economy , rather than piling it up inside global banks .
The better part of patriotism is for us to raise hard questions , put out inconvenient information and assert our values .
In the words of the late Rep. John Lewis : “ Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble , necessary trouble .
”

In this time of chaos, woe and deep national divide, I’ll be damned to hell before I meekly sit by.
I’m flying a flag these days. The Stars and Stripes, Old Glory, America’s flag, OUR flag! I’ve strapped it to my 2011 made-in the-USA Ford Fiesta, and I’m zipping around town as proudly as anyone else in the red, white and blue Bubbaland of South Austin, like some modern-day Patrick Henry on wheels. As with so many others, I’m flying our flag out of an assertive, perhaps defiant pride in this time of chaos.
For I am proud, damned proud, to be an American citizen. And in this time of true woe and deep national divide, I’ll be damned to hell before I meekly sit by and allow this symbol of our nation’s founding ideals… liberty and justice for all… to be captured and defiled by reactionary autocrats, theocrats, xenophobic haters, warmongers, America Firsters, corporatists, militarists, fearmongers, political weasels and other rank opportunists.
Our flag is no piece of sheeting for authoritarians to hide behind as they rend our hard-won liberties in the name of President Donald Trump. Nor is our flag some bloody rag to be waved by politicians hoping to whip us into such an outrage that they can turn our people’s republic into a garrisoned state, armed to the teeth and mired in fear and hatred.
We Americans are not that blind. Our flag is the banner of freedom seekers, risk takers, democracy builders, rebels, pioneers, mavericks, barn raisers and hell raisers, a liberty-loving people who are naturally suspicious of authority and able to detect that the real threat to our land of the free comes not from afar but from within. Our flag is made of strong democratic cloth, artfully designed and painstakingly stitched together over 245 years, liberty by individual liberty, people’s movement by people’s movement. Our flag embodies a democratic continuum that connects us today to the pamphleteers and Sons of Liberty; the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights; the abolitionists and the suffragists; Sojourner Truth and Frederick Douglass; the populists and Wobblies; Mother Jones and Joe Hill; Martin Luther King Jr. and Cesar Chavez.
Protest is the essence of American democracy, of America itself, and it is especially essential when a muddleheaded guy like Donald Trump sits in the president’s chair. Under his watch, militarized police are taking the lives of more than 1,000 people every year (Black Americans are disproportionately killed at the hands of police officers); COVID-19 is ravaging our country while our leaders in Washington refuse to lead; our economy is crashing as corporate CEOs pay themselves and their shareholders millions of dollars looted from our public coffers; and secret police are snatching people off the streets.
Then there is the climate crisis, our crumbling infrastructure, our underfunded education system (a la Education Secretary Betsy DeVos), unprecedented homelessness, 27 million Americas with no health care coverage, one of the highest unemployment rates ever recorded and the list goes on. If we don’t protest now, when will it matter?
What should we ask our government to do?
We citizens must be forceful in holding Washington accountable. First, instead of aiding corporate looters, Washington should launch a major reinvestment in grassroots America. To stimulate the economy, put these corporate “relief” funds directly into the hands of working families all across America.
Second, strengthen our national security by making major, long overdue public investments in our infrastructure, schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, parks, etc. Add to this a new nationwide project to reconnect our population corridors with high-speed passenger trains. Help overworked police officers by fully funding housing for the homeless; substance abuse treatment counselors and facilities; mental health care professionals and crisis centers; social workers; etc. This would allow police to focus only on actual crime and not people in crisis.
Third, to deal with the recession, instead of cutting income taxes, cut payroll taxes; raise the minimum wage; extend Medicare to cover all uninsured men, women and children; reinstate pandemic unemployment benefits; and provide monthly stimulus checks. All of this spreads money, like fertilizer, to the grassroots economy, rather than piling it up inside global banks.
The better part of patriotism is for us to raise hard questions, put out inconvenient information and assert our values. In the words of the late Rep. John Lewis: “Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble.”


humortimes--2020-08-05--The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Arizona Senator Martha McSally

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona .
Live from under a rock in your backyard , it ’ s The Jerry Duncan Show .
Good morning listeners nationwide .
Is it a good morning ?
We ’ ll soon find out .
My guest today is Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona .
What am I doing here ?
I must be desperate .
You sure are .
Trailing your Democrat opponent Mark Kelly in every poll .
Do you believe Italians ?
Of course I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Unfortunately , he pasta away .
Here ’ s something you won ’ t hear on Fox News .
Did you know that the majority of Arizonans like whole milk , but don ’ t like the 1 % .
The 1 % are my peeps .
I voted to give them tax cuts in 2017 .
I ’ m proposing a bill called the American TRIP Act that would give $ 4,000 in tax credits .
The middle class and poor can ’ t afford to travel during the pandemic .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ have to eat cereal with a fork to save milk .
President Reagan said ketchup is a vegetable .
That should take care of lunch and dinner .
Mark Kelly promises pre-existing conditions will be covered and that no one should lose their health insurance .
No , you don ’ t .
You want to take away Obamacare .
The mandate protects pre-existing conditions .
What does it offer ?
Nothing .
That ’ s the beauty .
No one takes responsibility for anything .
Like the Coronavirus , every disease will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the highest Coronavirus rates in the country .
174,000 people tested positive .
That ’ s the difference between me and my opponent .
Mark Kelly always says it ’ s good to be negative when he talks about the virus .
I like to think positive .
Those 174,000 people will sure remember me and Donald Trump when they vote in November .
Mark Kelly flew 39 Navy combat missions in Operation Desert Storm .
He received numerous medals and ribbons .
Then became an astronaut spending 54 days in space .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ tick on the moon ?
Speaking of lunatics .
You voted with Trump 95 % of the time .
In fact , you want to lower the federal unemployment benefits while 30 million people are out of work at no fault of their own .
I could respond with a lot of unemployment jokes .
Sadly , none of them work .
You took more than $ 150,000 of corporate PAC contributions from big insurance and drug companies .
You stand with the Republican plan to increase premiums , eliminate pre-existing conditions and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lost to Democrat Kristen Sinema in the 2018 Arizona Senate race , accusing her of treason .
But the people of Arizona knew the truth and voted you out .
You are only in office because you were appointed by the Governor when Senator Jon Kyl retired .
Now you are using the same failed playbook by falsely accusing Mark Kelly of ties to a major Chinese business and investments in Chinese companies .
Guess what ?
I know I am .
But what are you ?
The people know you can ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back to what you do best .
Playing fetch with your dog .
When I lose in November , I ’ m going to be a lobbyist .
I ’ ll fight for greater inequality , higher national debt and budget deficits .
Did I mention higher trade deficits ?
See you tomorrow everyone .
( screaming ) Climate change is fake .
Donald Trump is honest .
Privatize social security .
Marijuana causes insanity .
And they ’ re coming to take me away ha-haaa .
They ’ re coming to take @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest today is Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona.
JERRY
Good morning, Senator.
MARTHA MCSALLY
What am I doing here? I must be desperate.
JERRY
You sure are. Trailing your Democrat opponent Mark Kelly in every poll.
MCSALLY
I don’t believe polls.
JERRY
Do you believe Italians?
MCSALLY
Of course I do. My favorite chef was Italian. Unfortunately, he pasta away.
JERRY
Here’s something you won’t hear on Fox News. Did you know that the majority of Arizonans like whole milk, but don’t like the 1%.
MCSALLY
The 1% are my peeps. I voted to give them tax cuts in 2017. I’m proposing a bill called the American TRIP Act that would give $4,000 in tax credits.
JERRY
The middle class and poor can’t afford to travel during the pandemic. These people are so broke, they have to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.
MCSALLY
President Reagan said ketchup is a vegetable. That should take care of lunch and dinner.
JERRY
Mark Kelly promises pre-existing conditions will be covered and that no one should lose their health insurance.
MCSALLY
So do I.
JERRY
No, you don’t. You want to take away Obamacare. The mandate protects pre-existing conditions.
MCSALLY
I got a better plan called Trumpcare.
JERRY
What does it offer?
MCSALLY
Nothing. That’s the beauty. No one takes responsibility for anything. Like the Coronavirus, every disease will magically disappear.
JERRY
Arizona has one of the highest Coronavirus rates in the country. 174,000 people tested positive.
MCSALLY
That’s the difference between me and my opponent. Mark Kelly always says it’s good to be negative when he talks about the virus. I like to think positive. Those 174,000 people will sure remember me and Donald Trump when they vote in November.
JERRY
Mark Kelly flew 39 Navy combat missions in Operation Desert Storm. He received numerous medals and ribbons. Then became an astronaut spending 54 days in space. Do you know what you call a tick on the moon?
MCSALLY
No.
JERRY
A Luna tick.
JERRY
Speaking of lunatics. You voted with Trump 95% of the time. In fact, you want to lower the federal unemployment benefits while 30 million people are out of work at no fault of their own.
MCSALLY
I could respond with a lot of unemployment jokes. Sadly, none of them work.
JERRY
You took more than $150,000 of corporate PAC contributions from big insurance and drug companies. You stand with the Republican plan to increase premiums, eliminate pre-existing conditions and threaten coverage for 400,000 Americans.
MCSALLY
I support the Affordable Health Care Act, not Obamacare.
JERRY
Knock, knock.
MCSALLY
Who’s there?
JERRY
Nana.
MCSALLY
Nana who?
JERRY
Nana your business.
JERRY
You lost to Democrat Kristen Sinema in the 2018 Arizona Senate race, accusing her of treason. But the people of Arizona knew the truth and voted you out. You are only in office because you were appointed by the Governor when Senator Jon Kyl retired. Now you are using the same failed playbook by falsely accusing Mark Kelly of ties to a major Chinese business and investments in Chinese companies. Guess what?
MCSALLY
That’s what.
JERRY
I know I am. But what are you?
JERRY
The people know you can’t be trusted Martha McNasty. Go back to what you do best. Playing fetch with your dog.
MCSALLY
When I lose in November, I’m going to be a lobbyist. I’ll fight for greater inequality, higher national debt and budget deficits. Did I mention higher trade deficits?
JERRY
See you tomorrow everyone.
MCSALLY
(screaming) Climate change is fake. Donald Trump is honest. Privatize social security. Marijuana causes insanity.
JERRY
Someone call 911!
MCSALLY
And they’re coming to take me away ha-haaa. They’re coming to take me away ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner


Josephine Baker’s Book

Written by Jose-Louis Bocquet and drawn by Catel Muller , Josephine Baker is 570 6×9-inch pages in b/w from SelfMadeHero in 2017 paperback .
It is more vividly described as an-inch-and-a-half thick , weighing two-and-a-half pounds .
A doorstopper of a book .
It is also an excellent model of a comicbook-style biography .
Or graphic novel .
Bocquet and Muller successfully exploit the medium to tell the story of this African American entertainer who became a sensation in Paris in the 1920s by dancing almost nude and who then joined the French resistance during World War II and , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to advocate for civil rights and racial justice , and , to prove a point , adopted and raised 12 children from different cultural and racial backgrounds .
The book is successful as biography and as graphic novel form because it presents Baker ’ s life as a series of incidents and episodes , dramatizing the highlights and key moments of her life and career in picture and words .
Each of the episodes is a story : each has a beginning , middle , and end .
And the characters being depicted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ They ’ re not just talking heads .
Many other biographies in the graphic novel genre fail because they are only illustrated prose narratives .
Or pictorially decorated prose narratives .
( And the prose is not very good . )
In properly exploiting the form , Bocquet and Muller add drama and energetic life to the story of Josephine Baker .
Baker was born in St. Louis in 1906 and died in Paris in 1975 .
An African American , she gained fame in the 1920s as an exotic dancer in Paris @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , she danced nearly naked , saith St. Wikipedia , famously wearing only a short skirt of fake bananas and a beaded necklace .
Baker was celebrated by artists and intellectuals of the era , who variously dubbed her the Black Venus , the Black Pearl , the Bronze Venus and the Creole Goddess .
She renounced her U.S. citizenship and became a French national after her marriage to French industrialist Jean Lion in 1937 .
It was her third marriage , and until her fourth , none lasted longer than a year @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Resistance during World War II .
When the Germans invaded France , Baker left Paris and went to the Château des Milandes , her castle in the south of France .
There , she housed people who were eager to help the Free French effort led by de Gaulle and supplied them with visas .
As an entertainer , Baker had an excuse for moving around Europe , visiting neutral nations such as Portugal , as well as some in South America .
She carried information for transmission to England—about airfields , harbors @ @ @ @ @ @ @ West of France .
After the war , she was awarded Croix de guerre by the French military , and was named a Chevalier of the Légion d ’ honneur by General Charles de Gaulle .
She made occasional visits to the U.S. but refused to perform for segregated audiences and is noted for her contributions to the civil rights movement .
In 1968 she was offered unofficial leadership in the movement in the United States by Coretta Scott King , following Martin Luther King Jr. ’ s assassination .
After thinking it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of concern for the welfare of her children .
During Baker ’ s work with the civil rights movement , she began adopting children and forming a family ( two girls and ten boys ) that she often referred to as “ The Rainbow Tribe.
” Baker wanted to prove that “ children of different ethnicities and religions could still be brothers.
” In 1949 , a reinvented Baker returned in triumph to the Folies Bergere .
Bolstered by recognition of her wartime heroics , Baker the performer assumed a new gravitas , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ subject matter .
The engagement was a rousing success and reestablished Baker as one of Paris ’ preeminent entertainers .
In 1951 Baker was invited back to the United States for a nightclub engagement in Miami .
After winning a public battle to desegregate the club ’ s audience , Baker followed up her sold-out run at the club with a national tour .
Baker worked with the NAACP .
Her reputation as a crusader grew to such an extent that the NAACP had Sunday , May 20 , 1951 declared “ Josephine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with life membership with the NAACP by Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Ralph Bunche .
Among her more famous utterances is what she said at the March on Washington , August 28 , 1963 .
Martin Luther King ’ s “ dream speech ” is the better remembered , but Baker ’ s is notable for its blunt assertion of the cause of civil rights : “ I have walked into the palaces of kings and queens and into the houses of presidents .
And much more .
But I could not walk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a cup of coffee , and that made me mad .
And when I get mad , you know that I open my big mouth .
And then look out , ’ cause when Josephine opens her mouth , they hear it all over the world … ” Above , I ’ ve posted pages from the book that exemplify Bocquet and Muller ’ s manner of storytelling .
The verbal-visual narrative of Baker ’ s life ends with her funeral on pages 459-460 .
Then follows a 16-page “ timeline ” that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ life in straight chronological prose .
That is followed by an 83-page section of one-page mini-biographies of the people in Baker ’ s story—her husbands and various celebrities , Eubie Blake , Ernest Hemingway , Georges Simenon , Colette , Le Corbusier , Charles de Gaulle , Grace Kelly and many others—and a bibliography .
But it ’ s the preceding 460 pages that make this book an exemplar in its form .
Anyone who aspires to produce a biography in graphic novel form is hereby urged to read this Josephine Baker as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be done .

An exemplary graphic novelistic biography on Josephine Baker.
Funnies Farrago: a Column on Comics and Cartooning
Written by Jose-Louis Bocquet and drawn by Catel Muller, Josephine Baker is 570 6×9-inch pages in b/w from SelfMadeHero in 2017 paperback. It is more vividly described as an-inch-and-a-half thick, weighing two-and-a-half pounds. A doorstopper of a book.
It is also an excellent model of a comicbook-style biography. Or graphic novel.
Bocquet and Muller successfully exploit the medium to tell the story of this African American entertainer who became a sensation in Paris in the 1920s by dancing almost nude and who then joined the French resistance during World War II and, after the war, deployed her fame to advocate for civil rights and racial justice, and, to prove a point, adopted and raised 12 children from different cultural and racial backgrounds.
The book is successful as biography and as graphic novel form because it presents Baker’s life as a series of incidents and episodes, dramatizing the highlights and key moments of her life and career in picture and words. Each of the episodes is a story: each has a beginning, middle, and end. And the characters being depicted talk and act—like comicbook characters everywhere. They’re not just talking heads.
Many other biographies in the graphic novel genre fail because they are only illustrated prose narratives. Or pictorially decorated prose narratives. (And the prose is not very good.) In properly exploiting the form, Bocquet and Muller add drama and energetic life to the story of Josephine Baker.
Baker was born in St. Louis in 1906 and died in Paris in 1975. An African American, she gained fame in the 1920s as an exotic dancer in Paris: headlining revues at the Folies Bergere, she danced nearly naked, saith St. Wikipedia, famously wearing only a short skirt of fake bananas and a beaded necklace.
Baker was celebrated by artists and intellectuals of the era, who variously dubbed her the Black Venus, the Black Pearl, the Bronze Venus and the Creole Goddess. She renounced her U.S. citizenship and became a French national after her marriage to French industrialist Jean Lion in 1937. It was her third marriage, and until her fourth, none lasted longer than a year or so.
Baker aided the French Resistance during World War II. When the Germans invaded France, Baker left Paris and went to the Château des Milandes, her castle in the south of France. There, she housed people who were eager to help the Free French effort led by de Gaulle and supplied them with visas. As an entertainer, Baker had an excuse for moving around Europe, visiting neutral nations such as Portugal, as well as some in South America. She carried information for transmission to England—about airfields, harbors, and German troop concentrations in the West of France.
After the war, she was awarded Croix de guerre by the French military, and was named a Chevalier of the Légion d’honneur by General Charles de Gaulle.
She made occasional visits to the U.S. but refused to perform for segregated audiences and is noted for her contributions to the civil rights movement. In 1968 she was offered unofficial leadership in the movement in the United States by Coretta Scott King, following Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination. After thinking it over, Baker declined the offer out of concern for the welfare of her children.
During Baker’s work with the civil rights movement, she began adopting children and forming a family (two girls and ten boys) that she often referred to as “The Rainbow Tribe.” Baker wanted to prove that “children of different ethnicities and religions could still be brothers.”
In 1949, a reinvented Baker returned in triumph to the Folies Bergere. Bolstered by recognition of her wartime heroics, Baker the performer assumed a new gravitas, unafraid to take on serious music or subject matter. The engagement was a rousing success and reestablished Baker as one of Paris’ preeminent entertainers. In 1951 Baker was invited back to the United States for a nightclub engagement in Miami. After winning a public battle to desegregate the club’s audience, Baker followed up her sold-out run at the club with a national tour.
Baker worked with the NAACP. Her reputation as a crusader grew to such an extent that the NAACP had Sunday, May 20, 1951 declared “Josephine Baker Day”. She was presented with life membership with the NAACP by Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Ralph Bunche.
Among her more famous utterances is what she said at the March on Washington, August 28, 1963. Martin Luther King’s “dream speech” is the better remembered, but Baker’s is notable for its blunt assertion of the cause of civil rights:
“I have walked into the palaces of kings and queens and into the houses of presidents. And much more. But I could not walk into a hotel in America and get a cup of coffee, and that made me mad. And when I get mad, you know that I open my big mouth. And then look out, ’cause when Josephine opens her mouth, they hear it all over the world …”
Above, I’ve posted pages from the book that exemplify Bocquet and Muller’s manner of storytelling.
The verbal-visual narrative of Baker’s life ends with her funeral on pages 459-460. Then follows a 16-page “timeline” that tells the story of Baker’s life in straight chronological prose. That is followed by an 83-page section of one-page mini-biographies of the people in Baker’s story—her husbands and various celebrities, Eubie Blake, Ernest Hemingway, Georges Simenon, Colette, Le Corbusier, Charles de Gaulle, Grace Kelly and many others—and a bibliography.
But it’s the preceding 460 pages that make this book an exemplar in its form. Anyone who aspires to produce a biography in graphic novel form is hereby urged to read this Josephine Baker as a guide to how such books should be done.


humortimes--2020-08-05--Top 10 Things I, Donald Trump, Left for Biden: 1/20/21

The world was waiting for this day… and now , for some wishful thinking !
Well , all the worry over Trump not leaving the White House is now put to rest , no Chads got pregnant & Joe Biden stood with his hand on his Bible while millions watched America turn a sticky page .
As Biden walked into the Oval Office he sniffed , “ I love the smell of Burger King in the morning !
” But most of all , he noticed welcoming gifts in the living quarters from the last occupant : 10 .
If @ @ @ @ @ @ @ voice says , “ WHOA – stand back !
” 7 .
My 8 Ball & Ouija Board used in all my Decisions !
6 .
My ‘ Jenga ’ Game moves for every Distraction I pulled on you guys !
4 .
Putin ’ s final note saying , “ Thank you for your Service ” !
3 .
The results of my signed & notarized Cognitive Test from 5 doctors ( yes , in Lab Coats ) with a gold ‘ Good Boy Star ’ on top !
2 .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ SECRET COVID TESTING PLAN with a Fudgsicle stain !
And , the # 1 thing I , Donald J. Trump wanted to leave Joe Biden…

The world was waiting for this day… and now, for some wishful thinking!
Somewhere in Time: Washington, D.C.
Well, all the worry over Trump not leaving the White House is now put to rest, no Chads got pregnant & Joe Biden stood with his hand on his Bible while millions watched America turn a sticky page.
As Biden walked into the Oval Office he sniffed, “I love the smell of Burger King in the morning!” But most of all, he noticed welcoming gifts in the living quarters from the last occupant:
TOP 10 THINGS I, DONALD J. TRUMP LEFT FOR BIDEN
10. If you lift the toilet seat, a voice says, “WHOA – stand back!”
(gift from the many gals at Moonlite Bunny Ranch)
9. On my bathroom wall:
“For a Good Time – Ghislaine 1-800-JeffEp
8. Dr. Stella Immanuel‘s new Cookbook:
“101 Things To Make With Turpentine”!
7. My 8 Ball & Ouija Board used in all my Decisions!
6. My ‘Jenga’ Game moves for every Distraction I pulled on you guys!
5. Scrabble? I say “Da Vinci Code”! It’s yours!
4. Putin’s final note saying, “Thank you for your Service”!
3. The results of my signed & notarized Cognitive Test from 5 doctors (yes, in Lab Coats) with a gold ‘Good Boy Star’ on top!
2. The Original copy of Jared Kushner’s SECRET COVID TESTING PLAN with a Fudgsicle stain!
And, the #1 thing I, Donald J. Trump wanted to leave Joe Biden…
Jim Jordon’s Balls!
(sorry, pic not available)


humortimes--2020-08-11--Vote Smurf No Matter Smurf

Vote Smurf No Matter Smurf

If we get another four years of Gargamel , we ’ re all smurfed : Vote Smurf !
I ’ ll start by smurfing the obvious : Gargamel is a danger to not only Smurf Village , but to our civilization as a whole and to the world we cherish .
When I head into the voting booth this November , I will be voting Team Smurf straight down the ballot .
However , I ’ m reminded that four years ago , when a similar choice was offered , 12 percent of Smurfs who voted for Brainy Smurf in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Gargamel in the general election .
They said that Gargamel would “ smurf up the system.
” Well , they were right… the system is completely smurfed .
And still , even after all the pain and destruction that Gargamel has smurfed on Smurf Village , today I read that only a small majority of Brainy Smurf voters say they will definitely support the presumptive nominee , Papa Smurf , in the 2020 election .
I even saw # NeverPapa trending on Smurfer .
Honestly , what the smurf is wrong with you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that Smurfette wasn ’ t your top choice in 2016 — even though she was clearly the better Smurf and a lot of you were just angry she had different smurf parts than you — but , we are talking about smurfing Gargamel here !
Do you really want to smurf through another four years of huge handouts to Smurf Street and big Smurf-orations ?
How about another four years of stacking the Smurf Court with dangerously unqualified Smurf-servatives ?
And , smurfing Smurf Force ?
!
I mean , come on !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ cat in charge of Health and Smurf services , for smurf ’ s sake .
Seriously , that ’ s like putting a cat in charge of Health and Smurf services !
There is no better analogy I can give you .
The guy is pure evil .

If we get another four years of Gargamel, we’re all smurfed: Vote Smurf!
I’ll start by smurfing the obvious: Gargamel is a danger to not only Smurf Village, but to our civilization as a whole and to the world we cherish.
When I head into the voting booth this November, I will be voting Team Smurf straight down the ballot. However, I’m reminded that four years ago, when a similar choice was offered, 12 percent of Smurfs who voted for Brainy Smurf in the Smurf-ocratic primary ended up voting for Gargamel in the general election.
They said that Gargamel would “smurf up the system.” Well, they were right… the system is completely smurfed.
And still, even after all the pain and destruction that Gargamel has smurfed on Smurf Village, today I read that only a small majority of Brainy Smurf voters say they will definitely support the presumptive nominee, Papa Smurf, in the 2020 election.
I even saw #NeverPapa trending on Smurfer. Honestly, what the smurf is wrong with you smurfs?!
Look, I get that Smurfette wasn’t your top choice in 2016 — even though she was clearly the better Smurf and a lot of you were just angry she had different smurf parts than you — but, we are talking about smurfing Gargamel here!
Do you really want to smurf through another four years of huge handouts to Smurf Street and big Smurf-orations? How about another four years of stacking the Smurf Court with dangerously unqualified Smurf-servatives? And, smurfing Smurf Force?! I mean, come on!
This is a president who put his cat in charge of Health and Smurf services, for smurf’s sake. Seriously, that’s like putting a cat in charge of Health and Smurf services! There is no better analogy I can give you. The guy is pure evil.


humortimes--2020-08-11--Arabella’s Dictionary: Ridiculous Behaviors

A thoroughly modern , if irreverent , dictionary for your edification .
In this edition : ridiculous behaviors .
Bittyclippy ( bit-e-clip-e ) : This is when a girl just barely dings the car of someone she detests .
Intentionally .
And then guiltily giggles as she wonders ‘ is this illegal , since it ’ s only a bittyclippy ?
’ Exswerve ( eks-werv-eh ) : A graceful side-walk that boosts a girl ’ s ability to avoid her ex-boyfriend .
For example , say Jill gets invited to a party and Jack , her ex , ends up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and waves at her vehemently as he marches hastily across the crowded room to her .
But Jill is educated on the exswerve , and as Jack approaches her , she neatly slides several steps diagonally away from Jack and eludes him altogether .
Poor Jack is left alone , scanning the room for Jill .
Alas , Jill can not be found , thanks to the exswerve .
Fedripper : A person who sells her food stamps for drugs and alcohol is a fedripper .
She collects the federal monies onto her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ all gussied up and goes into her favorite pub and yells jubilantly , ‘ Does anyone want to trade free food stamps for drinks or weed ?
Got food stamps I ’ ll trade for weed.
’ The fedripper goes from barstool to barstool emitting her deviousness — and sooner or later , some stoner takes her up on her proposition .
Hikar ( he-kaar ) : Hikar is the sonority that a salesman ’ s nares make when he is laughing .
Lidpusher ( lid-push-er ) : People who think everyone should @ @ @ @ @ @ @ flat caps , pillboxes , sun visors and bowlers with bows in a box in the backseat of their cars everywhere they go , just in case they see someone whose crown they feel needs a topping .
Ouph ( oof ) : People who go ahead and eat food after it ’ s been on the floor for more than 5 seconds are ouphs .
Quorp ( kworp ) : A quorp is a waiter/waitress who scarves down all the leftovers off of dirty plates at restaurants .
Shiggle ( shig-gul ) @ @ @ @ @ @ @ One shiggles when feeling giddily flirtatious .
It is when the lower half of one ’ s body – mainly the hips – inadvertently shakes and shimmies .
The shiggling person or dog can not be blamed for the shiggles as it is a normal reaction of the nervous system when one spots her owner or very good friend .
Sometimes even a complete stranger can be mistaken for a very good friend .
Woggle ( wog-gul ) To woggle is to sit upon a chair that has one or more bad legs @ @ @ @ @ @ @ As strange as it seems , some people actually like to woggle .
When these types of persons are at a restaurant or bar , they will boldly , gleefully and with much anticipation request the woggliest chair in the entire place !

A thoroughly modern, if irreverent, dictionary for your edification. In this edition: ridiculous behaviors.
Bittyclippy (bit-e-clip-e): This is when a girl just barely dings the car of someone she detests. Intentionally. And then guiltily giggles as she wonders ‘is this illegal, since it’s only a bittyclippy?’
Exswerve (eks-werv-eh): A graceful side-walk that boosts a girl’s ability to avoid her ex-boyfriend. For example, say Jill gets invited to a party and Jack, her ex, ends up being there too. Jack sees Jill and waves at her vehemently as he marches hastily across the crowded room to her. But Jill is educated on the exswerve, and as Jack approaches her, she neatly slides several steps diagonally away from Jack and eludes him altogether. Poor Jack is left alone, scanning the room for Jill. Alas, Jill cannot be found, thanks to the exswerve.
Fedripper: A person who sells her food stamps for drugs and alcohol is a fedripper. She collects the federal monies onto her EBT card once a month, gets all gussied up and goes into her favorite pub and yells jubilantly, ‘Does anyone want to trade free food stamps for drinks or weed? Got food stamps I’ll trade for weed.’ The fedripper goes from barstool to barstool emitting her deviousness — and sooner or later, some stoner takes her up on her proposition.
Hikar (he-kaar): Hikar is the sonority that a salesman’s nares make when he is laughing.
Lidpusher (lid-push-er): People who think everyone should wear hats are lidpushers. They keep flat caps, pillboxes, sun visors and bowlers with bows in a box in the backseat of their cars everywhere they go, just in case they see someone whose crown they feel needs a topping.
Ouph (oof): People who go ahead and eat food after it’s been on the floor for more than 5 seconds are ouphs.
Quorp (kworp): A quorp is a waiter/waitress who scarves down all the leftovers off of dirty plates at restaurants.
Shiggle (shig-gul): Women and dogs do this. One shiggles when feeling giddily flirtatious. It is when the lower half of one’s body – mainly the hips – inadvertently shakes and shimmies. The shiggling person or dog cannot be blamed for the shiggles as it is a normal reaction of the nervous system when one spots her owner or very good friend. Sometimes even a complete stranger can be mistaken for a very good friend.
Woggle (wog-gul) To woggle is to sit upon a chair that has one or more bad legs and precariously totter back and forth. As strange as it seems, some people actually like to woggle. When these types of persons are at a restaurant or bar, they will boldly, gleefully and with much anticipation request the woggliest chair in the entire place!


humortimes--2020-08-11--The ‘Five Big Questions’ That Donald Trump Swore Only He Could Answer

President Trump said that there were “ five big questions ” on the infamous cognitive test he took that he says maybe no one else could answer .
Our undercover operative has discovered what they were .
As a member of the geriatric set , I am predisposed toward senility .
When I heard about the President ’ s recent cognitive skills test and the “ five big questions ” he mentioned , my ears pricked , despite my advancing years .
Curiosity ( if nothing else ) aroused , I looked into the matter , even at the risk @ @ @ @ @ @ @ SAT stalker .
After stealing a stealth bomber and flying through restricted airhead space in Washington , DC , I came back with surveillance photos that revealed to my immaculately degenerate eyes the secrets that drive inquiry mindless and conversely .
After emerging from the darkroom at Langley ( there are so many , even Plato ’ s cave-dwellers would feel at home ) , I cried “ Eureka !
” ( the state motto of California , though for the life of me , I can ’ t recall why ) .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ and in the compound interest of protecting the Statue of Liberty from exposure to COVID when it is torn down and sold for scrap on the copper market , here are the five big questions that Donald Trump swore only he could answer : 1 .
What is the difference between your ass and your elbow ?
Illustrate .
2 .
You have $ 300 million in one hand and $ 6 billion in the other .
Which one will you steal first ?
Why ?
3 .
The Russians have been accused @ @ @ @ @ @ @ What is the most appropriate response ?
( a ) Pretend it didn ’ t happen ( b ) Warn them that “ too many crooks spoil the sloth ” ( c ) Send them a case of vintage Appalachian vodka ( d ) Beg them to do it again 4 .
Melania Trump has been arrested for wearing a mask in public .
What is the most appropriate response ?
( a ) Send her back to Slovenia , or wherever she came from ( b ) Buy her a whole new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , so that you can both be imprisoned ( d ) Let her eat coats Now for the toughest question of all — the one that separates masters from apprentices , the men from the power-grabbers , and the precious Wheaties boxes from all the Shakespeares : 5 .
If you were to resign from office prior to January 20 , 2021 , ( a ) will Mike Pence grant you a full Presidential pardon ?
( b ) will the Southern District of NY settle out of court ?
( c ) @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
( d ) will Brazil grant you asylum , with or without a mask ?
With the exception of ( 2 ) , which ( conceivably ) someone else might be able to handle , so to speak , and ( 1 ) , if it were made generic rather than personal , it is clear that only Mr. Trump is qualified , hence in a position to answer these hard questions .
Of course , he might get a little help from his friends or even his enemies before the exam @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ( if that is the right word in this context ) , he would be all alone , as indeed he is , at this very moment .
That just comes with the territory , be it Trump Tower , Atlantic City or Mar-a-Lago .
So there ’ s no reason to doubt the President ’ s veracity on that score , notwithstanding any scores he may have left to settle when ( or if ) he leaves office , not to mention any mental or emotional struggle with the spelling of “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as you should be , that these are the questions he flubbed , I mean , faced , and that his agony in dealing with them is no cause for ecstasy on our part .
On the contrary , it suggests that there are even tougher questions on the horizon — questions that we must face as a nation , with all the wit we can muster , lest we lose our souls , along with the body politic .
As one who is all too aware of what going on life support @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nearness of death , it ’ s time to face the music , before the country falls on deaf ears , and ends up face down , without any clue as to how it got there .
Answer me that , you fat cats !

President Trump said that there were “five big questions” on the infamous cognitive test he took that he says maybe no one else could answer. Our undercover operative has discovered what they were.
As a member of the geriatric set, I am predisposed toward senility. When I heard about the President’s recent cognitive skills test and the “five big questions” he mentioned, my ears pricked, despite my advancing years. Curiosity (if nothing else) aroused, I looked into the matter, even at the risk of being exposed as an IQ or SAT stalker.
After stealing a stealth bomber and flying through restricted airhead space in Washington, DC, I came back with surveillance photos that revealed to my immaculately degenerate eyes the secrets that drive inquiry mindless and conversely.
After emerging from the darkroom at Langley (there are so many, even Plato’s cave-dwellers would feel at home), I cried “Eureka!” (the state motto of California, though for the life of me, I can’t recall why). Anyway, as a public service, and in the compound interest of protecting the Statue of Liberty from exposure to COVID when it is torn down and sold for scrap on the copper market, here are the five big questions that Donald Trump swore only he could answer:
1. What is the difference between your ass and your elbow? Illustrate.
2. You have $300 million in one hand and $6 billion in the other. Which one will you steal first? Why?
3. The Russians have been accused of meddling in the last election. What is the most appropriate response?
(a) Pretend it didn’t happen
(b) Warn them that “too many crooks spoil the sloth”
(c) Send them a case of vintage Appalachian vodka
(d) Beg them to do it again
4. Melania Trump has been arrested for wearing a mask in public. What is the most appropriate response?
(a) Send her back to Slovenia, or wherever she came from
(b) Buy her a whole new wardrobe
(c) Wear a mask, so that you can both be imprisoned
(d) Let her eat coats
Now for the toughest question of all — the one that separates masters from apprentices, the men from the power-grabbers, and the precious Wheaties boxes from all the Shakespeares:
5. If you were to resign from office prior to January 20, 2021,
(a) will Mike Pence grant you a full Presidential pardon?
(b) will the Southern District of NY settle out of court?
(c) will you avoid having to declare bankruptcy?
(d) will Brazil grant you asylum, with or without a mask?
With the exception of (2), which (conceivably) someone else might be able to handle, so to speak, and (1), if it were made generic rather than personal, it is clear that only Mr. Trump is qualified, hence in a position to answer these hard questions. Of course, he might get a little help from his friends or even his enemies before the exam, but at the moment of truth (if that is the right word in this context), he would be all alone, as indeed he is, at this very moment.
That just comes with the territory, be it Trump Tower, Atlantic City or Mar-a-Lago. So there’s no reason to doubt the President’s veracity on that score, notwithstanding any scores he may have left to settle when (or if) he leaves office, not to mention any mental or emotional struggle with the spelling of “veracity.”
Thus I am satisfied, as you should be, that these are the questions he flubbed, I mean, faced, and that his agony in dealing with them is no cause for ecstasy on our part. On the contrary, it suggests that there are even tougher questions on the horizon — questions that we must face as a nation, with all the wit we can muster, lest we lose our souls, along with the body politic.
As one who is all too aware of what going on life support means, not to mention, the nearness of death, it’s time to face the music, before the country falls on deaf ears, and ends up face down, without any clue as to how it got there.
Answer me that, you fat cats!


humortimes--2020-08-11--Ripping the Headlines Today, 8/11/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 8/11/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ West filed petitions late , should be barred from Wisconsin Presidential ballot … at the very least , Taylor Swift should show up and say Beyoncé would be way better choice .
Quebec can now host music festivals with an audience capacity of 250 people KW Miller a Republican candidate for Congress said on Twitter Trump looks manly in a mask In fact , the bubble is so strict it ’ s kept players safe from both the coronavirus and the Kardashian women .
So , Biden rode a bike and unlike the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have to pay it 130,000 dollars to deny it .
The ‘ Jurassic Park ’ franchise got many dinosaurs wrong … well , if you trust Larry King ’ s memory… 2020 , keep your hands off him .
Trump on accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell : “ I wish her well ” Well , I guess when it comes to child sex trafficking there are good people on both sides .
Google will reportedly extend its coronavirus work-from-home order to summer 2021 The US-Canada border is expected to remain closed to non-essential @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Canadians will do anything to stop the return of Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz .
Britney Spears says she got “ carried away ” after debuting head-to-toe henna tattoos Oooops , I did it again… and again… .
and again… and again… Trump mispronounces Yosemite as “ Yo-Semites ” and Thailand as “ Thighland ” at White House events If Trump can ’ t pronounce Thailand and Yosemite , let ’ s hope he never has to read a statement about the country Niger .
Why Jay Cutler really deleted Instagram after @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , because unlike Cutler , Colletti knows how to complete a pass… New York State AG Letitia James charges the NRA with corruption … they have my “ thoughts and prayers… ”

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Challenges argue Kanye West filed petitions late, should be barred from Wisconsin Presidential ballot
… at the very least, Taylor Swift should show up and say Beyoncé would be way better choice.
Quebec can now host music festivals with an audience capacity of 250 people
So, a normal Nickleback concert.
KW Miller a Republican candidate for Congress said on Twitter Trump looks manly in a mask
Dude, it’s Twitter not Grindr.
NBA reportedly spent $150 million for setup inside Orlando bubble
In fact, the bubble is so strict it’s kept players safe from both the coronavirus and the Kardashian women.
Biden goes bike riding in Delaware
So, Biden rode a bike and unlike the last thing Trump rode didn’t have to pay it 130,000 dollars to deny it.
The ‘Jurassic Park’ franchise got many dinosaurs wrong
… well, if you trust Larry King’s memory…
Happy 94th birthday, Tony Bennett
2020, keep your hands off him.
Trump on accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell: “I wish her well”
Well, I guess when it comes to child sex trafficking there are good people on both sides.
Google will reportedly extend its coronavirus work-from-home order to summer 2021
It’s true. I Googled it.
The US-Canada border is expected to remain closed to non-essential travel until at least August 21st
Damn, Canadians will do anything to stop the return of Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz.
Britney Spears says she got “carried away” after debuting head-to-toe henna tattoos
Oooops, I did it again… and again…. and again… and again…
Trump mispronounces Yosemite as “Yo-Semites” and Thailand as “Thighland” at White House events
If Trump can’t pronounce Thailand and Yosemite, let’s hope he never has to read a statement about the country Niger.
Why Jay Cutler really deleted Instagram after Kristin Cavallari reunited with Stephen Colletti
Uh, because unlike Cutler, Colletti knows how to complete a pass…
New York State AG Letitia James charges the NRA with corruption
… they have my “thoughts and prayers…”


humortimes--2020-08-11--Text Messaging G-d: Who Knew He Didn’t Like Emojis?

A satirical peek at my text messaging convo with the Man Upstairs about the Man in the White House who carries a Bible as far as across the street !
Not another Trump joke , please !
No , I need to apologize !
Trump ’ s smearing Biden , using your name in vain & sort of foaming at the mouth !
He said , Biden is against you – he ’ s gone bat sh_ _ crazy !
Dear , it ’ s all in the plan .
You mean you want us to learn from it & @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s gone ?
I don ’ t like to be so obvious about my work – but you ’ ve almost had enough .
And , there ’ s this other thing… On behalf of , well… most Americans ; we want answers .
Well then – how about the Election .
Could you ?
Marilyn , I ’ m surprised you ’ re asking – you know I can ’ t do anything about Jock Itch or the Post Office !
What about the timing of the Vaccine ?
Before the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wouldn ’ t give him the satisfaction… but I can ’ t – so , all I can say is – ‘ Take the 2nd Batch ’ !
I thought you said it ’ s not your department .
Well , you know – I ’ m unable to get Escargot , Pate or Twinkies !
You know , Trump says the world is in a very angry place !
It never reached my desk !
But he says everything ’ s under control !
Nobody gives me credit .
Do you know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ church – we have to do it at home !
Oh no – not another one !

A satirical peek at my text messaging convo with the Man Upstairs about the Man in the White House who carries a Bible as far as across the street!
ME
It’s me again.
G-d
Not another Trump joke, please!
ME
No, I need to apologize! Trump’s smearing Biden, using your name in vain & sort of foaming at the mouth!
G-d
That’s theatrical – I give him that!
ME
He said, Biden is against you – he’s gone bat sh_ _ crazy!
G-d
Dear, it’s all in the plan.
ME
You mean you want us to learn from it & then appreciate our wonderful country when he’s gone?
G-d
I don’t like to be so obvious about my work – but you’ve almost had enough.
ME
And, there’s this other thing…
G-d
Wear a Mask!
ME
On behalf of, well… most Americans; we want answers.
G-d
It’s not my department.
ME
Well then – how about the Election. Could you?
G-d
Marilyn, I’m surprised you’re asking – you know I can’t do anything about Jock Itch or the Post Office!
ME
What about the timing of the Vaccine? Before the Election?
G-d
If I could – I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction… but I can’t – so, all I can say is – ‘Take the 2nd Batch’!
ME
I thought you said it’s not your department.
G-d
I move in mysterious ways.
ME
Well, you know – I’m unable to get Escargot, Pate or Twinkies!
G-d
I don’t take responsibility!
ME
You know, Trump says the world is in a very angry place!
G-d
It never reached my desk!
ME
But he says everything’s under control!
G-d
Nobody gives me credit.
ME
Do you know we can’t even pray in church – we have to do it at home!
G-d
I did that!
ME
Oh no – not another one!


humortimes--2020-08-13--The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Nut Job Dr. Stella Immanuel

Live from under a rock in your backyard , it ’ s The Jerry Duncan Show .
Good morning listeners nationwide .
Is it a good morning ?
Yes , it is .
My guest today is Dr. Stella Immanuel , Trump conspiracist and proponent of Hydroxychloroquine to be used in the treatment of Coronavirus .
Let me just get it out there .
You are a nut job !
( Cameroon accent ) Why ?
Just because I say DNA from space aliens currently being used in medicine ?
No .
For claiming Donald Trump is not a space @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m from Cameroon .
Hey , Doc .
Do you know the most popular pick up line in Cameroon ?
Dat mean , Duncan .
Some people like me have two tooth .
Multiple studies have disputed claims that Hydroxychloroquine can help treat or even prevent the Coronavirus .
The FDA said it has not been an effective treatment for the virus .
Who da FDA ?
These are da same foo dat claim face mask and social distancing necessary .
Caitlyn Jenner skinny because FDA just banned trans fat .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ good idea .
Many people tink boogers funny , but they snot .
I know kids don ’ t eat spinach , but love boogers .
I need to meet that brilliant doctor from the lagoon .
I know .
Next to Harlem .
Do you know what the most positive thing is in Harlem ?
You ’ re stereotyping Black people .
There are upscale brownstones in Harlem .
Whites are moving there by the hundreds .
The neighborhoods are revitalized .
Excuse me .
I need to finish lying .
A @ @ @ @ @ @ @ re looking at her .
You keep trying to make me look like a fool .
I don ’ t need your help , Duncan .
I ’ m a stable genius .
Dr .
I .
You live in Houston .
Right ?
Well .
I on da run from Louisiana for malpractice .
That ’ s okay .
I ’ m on the run from New York for fraud and corruption .
Okay .
So I forgot a few .
I have a question , Doc .
Heard Formaldehyde cures the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s used in building materials .
Shit !
I just mixed it with soap .
Is it poisonous ?
Answer fast , my hands are feeling numb .
Let me pray the poison away .
I ’ m witch doctor .
“ Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.
” Do me a favor .
I only need one more vote for a recount in Texas .
I don ’ t want to lose the election to Sleepy Joe Biden .
Do I have yours ?
Of course @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an illegal and ICE is deporting me in an hour .
My vote don ’ t count .
The human body has over 7 trillion nerves .
And Dr. Immanuel just got on mine .

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Dr. Stella Immanuel.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. My guest today is Dr. Stella Immanuel, Trump conspiracist and proponent of Hydroxychloroquine to be used in the treatment of Coronavirus.
JERRY
Let me just get it out there. You are a nut job!
DR. STELLA IMMANUEL
(Cameroon accent) Why? Just because I say DNA from space aliens currently being used in medicine?
JERRY
No. For claiming Donald Trump is not a space alien.
IMMANUEL
All I know is dat I’m from Cameroon.
JERRY
Trump calls that “shithole country.”
IMMANUEL
I tought he talking about Alabama.
JERRY
Hey, Doc. Do you know the most popular pick up line in Cameroon?
IMMANUEL
Nope.
JERRY
Nice tooth.
IMMANUEL
Dat mean, Duncan. Some people like me have two tooth.
JERRY
Multiple studies have disputed claims that Hydroxychloroquine can help treat or even prevent the Coronavirus. The FDA said it has not been an effective treatment for the virus.
IMMANUEL
Who da FDA? These are da same foo dat claim face mask and social distancing necessary. Caitlyn Jenner skinny because FDA just banned trans fat. Now what we do?
JERRY
Eat boogers.
IMMANUEL
Dat a good idea. Many people tink boogers funny, but they snot. I know kids don’t eat spinach, but love boogers.
The studio door slams shut. Donald Trump enters.
DONALD TRUMP
I need to meet that brilliant doctor from the lagoon.
IMMANUEL
It’s Cameroon.
TRUMP
I know. Next to Harlem. Do you know what the most positive thing is in Harlem?
IMMANUEL
Da Apollo Theater?
TRUMP
HIV.
JERRY
You’re stereotyping Black people. There are upscale brownstones in Harlem. Whites are moving there by the hundreds. The neighborhoods are revitalized.
TRUMP
Excuse me. I need to finish lying. A Black person loves me and you’re looking at her.
IMMANUEL
I love Trumpster. He like a rock.
JERRY
Only dumber.
TRUMP
You keep trying to make me look like a fool. I don’t need your help, Duncan. I’m a stable genius.
JERRY
Mr. Ed was a stable genus. You’re a horse’s ass.
TRUMP
Dr. I. You live in Houston. Right?
IMMANUEL
Well. I on da run from Louisiana for malpractice.
TRUMP
That’s okay. I’m on the run from New York for fraud and corruption.
JERRY
Don’t forget tax evasion and money laundering.
TRUMP
Okay. So I forgot a few. I have a question, Doc. Heard Formaldehyde cures the Coronavirus.
JERRY
Are you crazy? It’s used in building materials.
TRUMP
Shit! I just mixed it with soap. Is it poisonous? Answer fast, my hands are feeling numb.
IMMANUEL
Let me pray the poison away. I’m witch doctor. “Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.”
TRUMP
Do me a favor. I only need one more vote for a recount in Texas. I don’t want to lose the election to Sleepy Joe Biden. Do I have yours?
IMMANUEL
Of course you do. Except..
TRUMP
What?
IMMANUEL
I’m an illegal and ICE is deporting me in an hour. My vote don’t count.
TRUMP
The human body has over 7 trillion nerves. And Dr. Immanuel just got on mine.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.


The Dancer’s Parchment

A story of friendship and a dancer overcoming his timidity .
Harold Harvey A ’ Dying was feeling shy .
It was midnight at the club and his turn to do the Electric Slide all by himself under the glimmering disco ball .
“ Harold , Harold !
” chanted the dancing queens to the left and to the right .
Even Motorcycle Man , Harry ’ s bestest of best friends , punched his beer clenching fist high into the air as he belted out “ do the slide , dude !
” ‘ Should I ?
’ Harold @ @ @ @ @ @ @ egging on .
‘ Maybe I should go home and study for my final.
’ For he was to have a ridiculous test on the Art of the West in the morning .
But after a brief mental pause , Mr. A ’ Dying realized what he had known all along — There were no other options this side of Boston for Harry other than to succumb to the peer pressure of the throng .
Especially for a cat that was Cheshire , not blonde .
He firmly stomped his heeled right foot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , spun around in a snort of lightning and let the music carry him away .
In , out , up , down , around and within the lights of the club tripped our Harry , faster than a whirling horse-fairy .
Better than a re-run of ‘ Waltzing at the Biker Bar ’ was Harold Harvey ’ s performance .
Strong and free , long-nailed cherry painted claws snapping to the rhythm , his soul knew no bounds .
But then Senator Academia from the provincial bore of Pennsylvania appeared out of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the middle of the night , glaring from the front of the crowd .
Hands on his hips , he shouted out loud “ Harold , you ’ ve got an exam in the morning .
This is your very last warning .
Be on time.
” And with a judgmental harrumph , the Statesman of the College of Dull Stumps stormed out of the disco .
He wilted sorrowfully down and downwards with no ability to project outwards any semblance of peace of mind .
For on the night when Harry @ @ @ @ @ @ @ timidity at his favorite nightspot , Senator Academia had shown up at 1 am on the dot and made a terrible mess that was hot .
Harold lay devastated in the dance hall .
Motorcycle Man rushed to his side .
“ I ’ m tired of that man destroying everything he can .
He is no fun and ruined all of the ball , ” whispered Harry gaspishly .
“ Dude , ” soothed MM .
“ Let ’ s go see Mudguard and take a ride.
” Crying Harold agreed that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time to fly .
So , out the door they went with a bit of a limp , in some pain because of the crippling words of the doldrumic Senator .
“ Meeoow !
” screeched Mudguard as they approached Mister M. Man ’ s hog .
The cat leapt excitedly onto the back of the rack and waited for his traveling companions .
His green eyes shone with surprise at the earliness of the hour of departure , but he asked no questions .
HHAD and MM jumped on with Harry ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Man ’ s portly tummy shaking mildly .
Off they zoomed towards the stars , aligning themselves just so with Mars .
“ Let ’ s go buy toilet paper and take care of that legislator ’ s front yard !
” railed Mudguard kitty after hearing the story of how Harold ’ s amazing tango-tongo was obliterated .
Motorcycle Man ’ s red eyes lit up madly and he made the A-ok sign quite gladly , changing course and heading towards the nearest potty supply store .
Harry beamed in agreement , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at the Wal-Latrines .
They traipsed inside and made a beeline for the bathroom tissue department .
MM ’ s large tall frame had no one to blame for being overweight as he snacked on a pack of smooshed chocolate he had left in his back pocket .
Harold Harvey A ’ Dying held Mudguard in his thin arms as they filled their cart with toilet paper .
The cat licked his long black hair and purred .
All three knew that the Senator would be very surprised come morning light to see @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yards and yards of the soft parchment .
Three synchronized smiles gleamed from the academically bewronged purchasers at Wal-Latrines .
Our Harry insisted that he carry the tp on his head which made everyone dread the upcoming ride .
But , as the group rode through the dark past Finagee Park and towards the Academic Senator ’ s tall trees , there were no serious balancing struggles to see .
They parked down the road .
Harold distributed the toilet paper evenly to Motorcycle Man and Mudguard as they crept stealthily towards the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ some reason , the politician protecting Secret Service were nowhere to be spied , indicating a green light to our friends undisguised .
Silent flying rolls of avenging outhouse tissue flew through the yard , wound around oaken treetops then perched like white doves on the lower branches .
A few snowy trails hung down breezily from the house ’ s gutters .
Mudguard circled the lamppost repeatedly with three bobbins of Softee Bow .
Seeing their fine work , the boys couldn ’ t stop giggling .
Harry was beginning to feel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ saw that his interrupted dance routine was being adequately vindicated .
“ I feel like I ’ ve done the right thing and now I can jig and sing once again , ” cried Harold as he did the tarantella down the drive .
“ Let ’ s get out of here.
” Mudguard concurred and threw the last roll with a whir towards the limb of a berry bush .
Of course Motorcycle Man didn ’ t ever want to stop the toilet papering game — his passion for revenge couldn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ peppermint cane of candy .
He rocketed his final spool of toilet paper over the rooftop with a mad grin .
“ My friend , it ’ s time to go home and look you dropped your comb , ” Harold Harvey A ’ Dying asserted .
“ You ’ ve done a great job but we need to get on the hog !
” Reluctantly , MM relented .
The three best friends drove home on the bike , unrepentant .
They made a pact to never tell anyone of that night @ @ @ @ @ @ @ asleep in their triple bunked bed with smiles and the sweetest of the sweet dreams ever .

A story of friendship and a dancer overcoming his timidity.
Harold Harvey A’Dying was feeling shy. It was midnight at the club and his turn to do the Electric Slide all by himself under the glimmering disco ball. “Harold, Harold!” chanted the dancing queens to the left and to the right. Even Motorcycle Man, Harry’s bestest of best friends, punched his beer clenching fist high into the air as he belted out “do the slide, dude!”
‘Should I?’ Harold wondered, to the thunder of the egging on. ‘Maybe I should go home and study for my final.’ For he was to have a ridiculous test on the Art of the West in the morning.
But after a brief mental pause, Mr. A’Dying realized what he had known all along —
There were no other options this side of Boston for Harry other than to succumb to the peer pressure of the throng. Especially for a cat that was Cheshire, not blonde. He firmly stomped his heeled right foot twice in the middle of the floor, spun around in a snort of lightning and let the music carry him away. In, out, up, down, around and within the lights of the club tripped our Harry, faster than a whirling horse-fairy.
Motorcycle Man beamed with pride.
Better than a re-run of ‘Waltzing at the Biker Bar’ was Harold Harvey’s performance. Strong and free, long-nailed cherry painted claws snapping to the rhythm, his soul knew no bounds.
But then Senator Academia from the provincial bore of Pennsylvania appeared out of nowhere, a stiff and haughty sight in the middle of the night, glaring from the front of the crowd. Hands on his hips, he shouted out loud “Harold, you’ve got an exam in the morning. This is your very last warning. Be on time.” And with a judgmental harrumph, the Statesman of the College of Dull Stumps stormed out of the disco.
Our Harry began to cry.
He wilted sorrowfully down and downwards with no ability to project outwards any semblance of peace of mind. For on the night when Harry Harvey A’Dying finally overcame his timidity at his favorite nightspot, Senator Academia had shown up at 1 am on the dot and made a terrible mess that was hot.
Harold lay devastated in the dance hall. Motorcycle Man rushed to his side.
“I’m tired of that man destroying everything he can. He is no fun and ruined all of the ball,” whispered Harry gaspishly.
“Dude,” soothed MM. “Let’s go see Mudguard and take a ride.” Crying Harold agreed that even though he was aggrieved it was time to fly.
So, out the door they went with a bit of a limp, in some pain because of the crippling words of the doldrumic Senator.
“Meeoow!” screeched Mudguard as they approached Mister M. Man’s hog. The cat leapt excitedly onto the back of the rack and waited for his traveling companions. His green eyes shone with surprise at the earliness of the hour of departure, but he asked no questions. HHAD and MM jumped on with Harry’s scarlet hair blushing wildly and Motorcycle Man’s portly tummy shaking mildly. Off they zoomed towards the stars, aligning themselves just so with Mars.
“Let’s go buy toilet paper and take care of that legislator’s front yard!” railed Mudguard kitty after hearing the story of how Harold’s amazing tango-tongo was obliterated.
Motorcycle Man’s red eyes lit up madly and he made the A-ok sign quite gladly, changing course and heading towards the nearest potty supply store. Harry beamed in agreement, blue eyes sparkling as they were parking at the Wal-Latrines.
They traipsed inside and made a beeline for the bathroom tissue department. MM’s large tall frame had no one to blame for being overweight as he snacked on a pack of smooshed chocolate he had left in his back pocket. Harold Harvey A’Dying held Mudguard in his thin arms as they filled their cart with toilet paper. The cat licked his long black hair and purred. All three knew that the Senator would be very surprised come morning light to see the trees at his home covered in yards and yards of the soft parchment. Three synchronized smiles gleamed from the academically bewronged purchasers at Wal-Latrines.
Our Harry insisted that he carry the tp on his head which made everyone dread the upcoming ride. But, as the group rode through the dark past Finagee Park and towards the Academic Senator’s tall trees, there were no serious balancing struggles to see. They parked down the road. Harold distributed the toilet paper evenly to Motorcycle Man and Mudguard as they crept stealthily towards the important man’s homestead. For some reason, the politician protecting Secret Service were nowhere to be spied, indicating a green light to our friends undisguised.
Silent flying rolls of avenging outhouse tissue flew through the yard, wound around oaken treetops then perched like white doves on the lower branches. A few snowy trails hung down breezily from the house’s gutters. Mudguard circled the lamppost repeatedly with three bobbins of Softee Bow. Seeing their fine work, the boys couldn’t stop giggling. Harry was beginning to feel just a smidgen of hope as he saw that his interrupted dance routine was being adequately vindicated.
“I feel like I’ve done the right thing and now I can jig and sing once again,” cried Harold as he did the tarantella down the drive. “Let’s get out of here.”
Mudguard concurred and threw the last roll with a whir towards the limb of a berry bush. Of course Motorcycle Man didn’t ever want to stop the toilet papering game — his passion for revenge couldn’t be bought. Even with a peppermint cane of candy. He rocketed his final spool of toilet paper over the rooftop with a mad grin.
“My friend, it’s time to go home and look you dropped your comb,” Harold Harvey A’Dying asserted. “You’ve done a great job but we need to get on the hog!”
Reluctantly, MM relented. The three best friends drove home on the bike, unrepentant. They made a pact to never tell anyone of that night’s heroic acts. They fell asleep in their triple bunked bed with smiles and the sweetest of the sweet dreams ever.


humortimes--2020-08-12--Get Into ‘Good Trouble’: Save Our Post Office… and Our Right to Vote!

The Republican strategy for decades , rather than winning votes , has been preventing votes , and now they are extending it to destroying the Post Office .
It ’ s time to get into ‘ good trouble ’ to save it !
Every now and then , an enormously beneficial soul comes along — someone whose work is so productive , honest and inspirational that he or she ought not be allowed to die .
That ’ s how I felt last month when I heard that John Lewis had slipped away from us .
Since the late 1980s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to have known , admired and learned from this civil rights icon and U.S. representative from Georgia .
Throughout his exemplary life of progressive activism , Lewis hurled his heart , soul and head ( literally ! )
into fighting the Powers That Be to gain and protect the voting rights of all Americans .
As a young movement leader in 1965 , he was with Martin Luther King Jr. among the marchers on the front line in Selma , Alabama , who had their heads busted by state troopers for daring to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ vote .
That bloody encounter was televised to a horrified nation , prompting Congress to pass America ’ s historic Voting Rights Act just five months later .
In turn , that law empowered grassroots organizers to usher in a remarkable era of political progress : Black voter registration jumped nearly 70 % the next year , and Black citizens throughout the land were finally able to start electing their own representatives to office ( including Lewis himself , who won a congressional seat in 1986 ) .
The importance of Lewis , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t just sit in that seat ; he put it to use daily .
He was renowned for battling the bosses , bankers , billionaires , big shots , bastards and BSers who keep trying to knock down the middle class , hold down the poor and tear down people ’ s democratic rights .
He set an example of bringing moral strength to public service , striving for a little less greed and a lot more justice .
But mostly , what he did was inspire ordinary people to recognize their own @ @ @ @ @ @ @ each of us to unify , organize and mobilize to build a society solidly grounded in the fundamental values of fairness and respect for human dignity .
His lasting message was simple , direct and true : “ Democracy is not a state .
It is an act.
” If We the People are to control our own destiny , if we are to have and hold democratic power , we can ’ t wait on some politician to “ save ” us .
We have to act , standing together against the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their plutocratic control over us .
As Lewis put it , we have to be willing to get into “ good trouble , necessary trouble.
” At the very least , we should all vote .
For one thing , as Lewis warned just days before he passed away , our crucial democratic right to vote “ is not guaranteed .
You can lose it.
” That was no hyperbole , as millions of eligible American voters know from rude experience … and as many more of us might soon learn .
You @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to “ have the right ” to cast your ballot , but it ’ s quite another thing to be able to exercise that right .
During the past decade , Republican officials and funders have built a massive network of voter-suppression operatives who use legal technicalities , poll closures , fraud , fearmongering and plain old thuggish intimidation of voters to shut out people inclined to support Democratic candidates .
Rather than winning votes , their game is preventing votes .
And now comes the manipulator in chief with a demented and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ — maybe you — from having their say in November ’ s election .
Here ’ s the deal : Because of the spreading COVID-19 health crisis , a majority of Americans are either afraid or outright unwilling to go stand in line at crowded polling places .
Shouldn ’ t be a problem , though .
Just let everyone who ’ s concerned use our nation ’ s excellent , reliable , trusted postal service to cast their votes by mail .
Aha , exulted President Donald Trump , if I ban @ @ @ @ @ @ @ turnout will shrivel , and I ’ ll win because my supporters would eat a COVID virus to get to vote for me !
Alas , he couldn ’ t just ban vote by mail , though , since five states already do it and anyone over 65 is allowed to do it .
Plan B : Defund the U.S .
Postal Service so it can ’ t do its job , thus eliminating the mail option .
In March , he personally killed a bipartisan provision in the national economic rescue package @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of our mail .
Then , in May , he installed one of his partisan mega donors as postmaster general .
And the postmaster is now sabotaging delivery times by arbitrarily slashing the hours of postal workers .
Like a petty third-world potentate , Trump is willing to destroy a prized national asset in a pathetic attempt to cling to power .
To help stop him , go to the grassroots alliance rallying to save our public post office — and our right to vote : USMailNotForSale.org .

The Republican strategy for decades, rather than winning votes, has been preventing votes, and now they are extending it to destroying the Post Office. It’s time to get into ‘good trouble’ to save it!
Every now and then, an enormously beneficial soul comes along — someone whose work is so productive, honest and inspirational that he or she ought not be allowed to die. That’s how I felt last month when I heard that John Lewis had slipped away from us.
Since the late 1980s, it had been my good fortune to have known, admired and learned from this civil rights icon and U.S. representative from Georgia. Throughout his exemplary life of progressive activism, Lewis hurled his heart, soul and head (literally!) into fighting the Powers That Be to gain and protect the voting rights of all Americans. As a young movement leader in 1965, he was with Martin Luther King Jr. among the marchers on the front line in Selma, Alabama, who had their heads busted by state troopers for daring to insist that African Americans be allowed to vote.
That bloody encounter was televised to a horrified nation, prompting Congress to pass America’s historic Voting Rights Act just five months later. In turn, that law empowered grassroots organizers to usher in a remarkable era of political progress: Black voter registration jumped nearly 70% the next year, and Black citizens throughout the land were finally able to start electing their own representatives to office (including Lewis himself, who won a congressional seat in 1986).
The importance of Lewis, though, was that he didn’t just sit in that seat; he put it to use daily. He was renowned for battling the bosses, bankers, billionaires, big shots, bastards and BSers who keep trying to knock down the middle class, hold down the poor and tear down people’s democratic rights. He set an example of bringing moral strength to public service, striving for a little less greed and a lot more justice. But mostly, what he did was inspire ordinary people to recognize their own strength and common interest; he rallied each of us to unify, organize and mobilize to build a society solidly grounded in the fundamental values of fairness and respect for human dignity.
His lasting message was simple, direct and true: “Democracy is not a state. It is an act.” If We the People are to control our own destiny, if we are to have and hold democratic power, we can’t wait on some politician to “save” us. We have to act, standing together against the moneyed and political elites who keep imposing their plutocratic control over us.
As Lewis put it, we have to be willing to get into “good trouble, necessary trouble.”
At the very least, we should all vote. For one thing, as Lewis warned just days before he passed away, our crucial democratic right to vote “is not guaranteed. You can lose it.”
That was no hyperbole, as millions of eligible American voters know from rude experience … and as many more of us might soon learn. You see, it’s one thing to “have the right” to cast your ballot, but it’s quite another thing to be able to exercise that right. During the past decade, Republican officials and funders have built a massive network of voter-suppression operatives who use legal technicalities, poll closures, fraud, fearmongering and plain old thuggish intimidation of voters to shut out people inclined to support Democratic candidates. Rather than winning votes, their game is preventing votes.
And now comes the manipulator in chief with a demented and pernicious scheme to prevent millions of people — maybe you — from having their say in November’s election. Here’s the deal: Because of the spreading COVID-19 health crisis, a majority of Americans are either afraid or outright unwilling to go stand in line at crowded polling places. Shouldn’t be a problem, though. Just let everyone who’s concerned use our nation’s excellent, reliable, trusted postal service to cast their votes by mail.
Aha, exulted President Donald Trump, if I ban mail-in ballots and force in-person voting, turnout will shrivel, and I’ll win because my supporters would eat a COVID virus to get to vote for me! Alas, he couldn’t just ban vote by mail, though, since five states already do it and anyone over 65 is allowed to do it.
Plan B: Defund the U.S. Postal Service so it can’t do its job, thus eliminating the mail option. In March, he personally killed a bipartisan provision in the national economic rescue package that would’ve assured continuous delivery of our mail. Then, in May, he installed one of his partisan mega donors as postmaster general. And the postmaster is now sabotaging delivery times by arbitrarily slashing the hours of postal workers.
Like a petty third-world potentate, Trump is willing to destroy a prized national asset in a pathetic attempt to cling to power. To help stop him, go to the grassroots alliance rallying to save our public post office — and our right to vote: USMailNotForSale.org.


humortimes--2020-08-17--Ripping the Headlines Today, 8/17/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 8/17/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t that be Big 14… guess math isn ’ t their best thing… … and the list of causes for diabetes and hypertension .
Trump says the “ 1917 pandemic ” ended the Second World War These 33 countries have banned U.S travelers Americans are banned from so many countries – soon they ’ ll be denied service at ‘ The International House of Pancakes.
’ Goya CEO ’ s cozying up to Trump may have backfired , study shows They said backfired about a company that sells beans .
Tee .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ top doctor quits over ‘ gross violations ’ of ethics that rushed through Covid-19 ‘ vaccine ’ Although , it ’ s not official until he falls out of a window .
You ’ d think if Herman Cain tweeted from the grave it would be for someone to send him a f % & king mask .
Tiger seized in Mexico after being lassoed At this point , it ’ s hard to tell which of Kamala Harris ’ s ethnic backgrounds Trump wants to ban from the country the most .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Hydroxychloroquine works better than Remdesivir ” Trump wants white suburban housewives to be afraid of Corey Booker Really ?
Has he looked at Senator Booker… if Corey shows up , their husbands are the ones who should be nervous .
It was so hot… how hot was it ?
It was so hot , I saw a rotisserie chicken fly by window .
The U.S. Senate goes on recess … when where they should be going is detention …

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Biden picks Kamala Harris for Veep
Paging Maya Rudolph. Paging Maya Rudolph. Paging Maya Rudolph.
Big Ten cancels football season by overwhelming 12-2 vote
So, shouldn’t that be Big 14… guess math isn’t their best thing…
Harry Styles’ ‘Watermelon Sugar’ surges to top of Billboard Hot 100
… and the list of causes for diabetes and hypertension.
Trump says the “1917 pandemic” ended the Second World War
Worst. Jeopardy. Contestant. Ever.
These 33 countries have banned U.S travelers
Americans are banned from so many countries – soon they’ll be denied service at ‘The International House of Pancakes.’
Goya CEO’s cozying up to Trump may have backfired, study shows
They said backfired about a company that sells beans. Tee. Hee. Hee.
Russia’s top doctor quits over ‘gross violations’ of ethics that rushed through Covid-19 ‘vaccine’
Although, it’s not official until he falls out of a window.
Herman Cain tweets 2 weeks after death, slams Joe Biden and Kamala Harris
You’d think if Herman Cain tweeted from the grave it would be for someone to send him a f%&king mask.
Tiger seized in Mexico after being lassoed
Now that’s a tough golf course!
Trump stokes ‘birther’ conspiracy theory about Kamala Harris
At this point, it’s hard to tell which of Kamala Harris’s ethnic backgrounds Trump wants to ban from the country the most.
Peter Navarro floats the claim that “Hydroxychloroquine works better than Remdesivir”
Only as a Spelling Bee word…
Trump wants white suburban housewives to be afraid of Corey Booker
Really? Has he looked at Senator Booker… if Corey shows up, their husbands are the ones who should be nervous.
Sweltering heat wave bakes the West
It was so hot… how hot was it? It was so hot, I saw a rotisserie chicken fly by window.
The U.S. Senate goes on recess
… when where they should be going is detention …