humortimes--2020-09-10--The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Postmaster General Louis DeJoy

Ed .
Note : Announcing an all-new The Jerry Duncan Show series on YouTube !
The first four episodes will air in late October and feature Broadway stars in the cast .
Help them fund this worthy endeavor at GoFundMe !
Live from under a rock in your backyard , it ’ s The Jerry Duncan Show .
Good morning listeners nationwide .
Is it a good morning ?
We ’ ll soon find out .
Today on the show my guest is the 75th Postmaster General of the United States Louis Killjoy .
How about Costanza ?
You remind @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Maybe Curly from The 3 Stooges .
How about if we settle at Louie and call it a day .
Let me get right to the point .
There ’ s a reward of $ 10,000 for your arrest , 18 U.S. code 1708. Who are you ?
Let me continue , Bowling Ball .
It states whereby whoever steals , takes by fraud or deception , obtains or attempts to obtain mail for the post office shall be imprisoned .
You have deliberately slowed down the mail so Trump can be re-elected @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they won ’ t count after election day .
And to make sure this happens , you ’ ve cut overtime for employees and removed 600 sorting machines .
How many letters does one machine sort ?
The machines that I destroyed are history .
What is the cost of a flat rate envelope ?
What does it mean when the flag is flying half-mast at the post office ?
You don ’ t know anything about your job .
I work for the pleasure of Donald Trump .
Tell me about the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gave to the Trump 2020 campaign .
It ’ s called a Straw Donor Scheme .
Illegal under the Federal Campaign Act of 1971 .
Accepting a contribution made by one person in the name of another .
You ’ re two for two , Louie .
More prison time and a fine .
I gave the money back to my employees when I got caught .
I mean… You told me we were going to talk baseball .
We are .
You ’ re going to strike out .
In 2015 , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Gee .
What a coincidence your son was accepted to Duke that year .
Oh , did I forget to mention he was a walk-on on the tennis team ?
How about reducing the lines in the post office ?
I was in the post office the other day and some woman was shouting in an envelope .
I said , “ What are you doing ?
” She replied , “ Sending a voice mail.
” I know what a post office is , but what ’ s a line ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Bill Barr and Stephen Miller are in Air Force One together .
The plane crashes .
Who would survive ?
The United State of America .
See you tomorrow .
P.S .
The Jerry Duncan Show will have 4 episodes on YouTube airing in late October .
There are Broadway stars in the cast .
See the GoFundMe promo !

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Postmaster General Louis DeJoy.
Ed. Note: Announcing an all-new The Jerry Duncan Show series on YouTube! The first four episodes will air in late October and feature Broadway stars in the cast. Help them fund this worthy endeavor at GoFundMe!
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the 75th Postmaster General of the United States Louis Killjoy.
LOUIS DEJOY
It’s DeJoy.
JERRY
How about Costanza? You remind me of George Costanza from Seinfeld. Maybe Curly from The 3 Stooges.
DEJOY
How about if we settle at Louie and call it a day.
JERRY
Fine, Louie.
JERRY
Let me get right to the point. There’s a reward of $10,000 for your arrest, 18 U.S. code 1708.
DEJOY
Who are you?
JERRY
Let me continue, Bowling Ball. It states whereby whoever steals, takes by fraud or deception, obtains or attempts to obtain mail for the post office shall be imprisoned.
DEJOY
What’s the crime?
JERRY
You have deliberately slowed down the mail so Trump can be re-elected. Mail-in ballots will be delayed so they won’t count after election day. And to make sure this happens, you’ve cut overtime for employees and removed 600 sorting machines.
DEJOY
I’m saving money.
JERRY
How many letters does one machine sort?
DEJOY
I don’t know.
JERRY
38,000 pieces of mail an hour.
DEJOY
The machines that I destroyed are history.
JERRY
What is the cost of a flat rate envelope?
DEJOY
Fifty cents?
JERRY
What does it mean when the flag is flying half-mast at the post office?
DEJOY
They’re hiring.
JERRY
You don’t know anything about your job.
DEJOY
I work for the pleasure of Donald Trump.
JERRY
That’s what Stormy Daniels said.
JERRY
Tell me about the donation of $1.2 million dollars you gave to the Trump 2020 campaign.
DEJOY
It was hard earned money.
JERRY
It’s called a Straw Donor Scheme. Illegal under the Federal Campaign Act of 1971. Accepting a contribution made by one person in the name of another. You’re two for two, Louie. More prison time and a fine.
DEJOY
I gave the money back to my employees when I got caught. I mean…
JERRY
Here’s another crime. You’re on a roll.
DEJOY
You told me we were going to talk baseball.
JERRY
We are. You’re going to strike out. In 2015, you donated $747,000 to Duke University.
DEJOY
Aren’t I nice?
JERRY
Gee. What a coincidence your son was accepted to Duke that year. Oh, did I forget to mention he was a walk-on on the tennis team?
DEJOY
Next.
JERRY
How about reducing the lines in the post office?
DEJOY
Huh?
JERRY
I was in the post office the other day and some woman was shouting in an envelope. I said, “What are you doing?” She replied, “Sending a voice mail.”
DEJOY
I know what a post office is, but what’s a line?
JERRY
Louie. Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr and Stephen Miller are in Air Force One together. The plane crashes. Who would survive?
DEJOY
I don’t know.
JERRY
The United State of America. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
P.S. The Jerry Duncan Show will have 4 episodes on YouTube airing in late October. There are Broadway stars in the cast. See the GoFundMe promo!


humortimes--2020-09-10--Trump Tries to Give His Re-Election a Bounce with Laundered Money

Will Trump ’ s laundered money pay off or just cause him to lose a sock ?
Donald Trump says he will spend $ 100 million of his own money for re-election or whatever it takes ( including laundered money ) , “ We have to win ” !
Let ’ s listen in as Trump greets his long-time laundromat employee Ricky , who ’ s busy fluffing & folding… Hiya Ricky – here ’ s this week ’ s batch – as usual , no starch !
Right on it , boss .
Oh , here ’ s an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ me a clean 20 – I have a McDonald ’ s run .
Sure , here ’ s one – kinda used , a little Downey on the rinse cycle .
How long you with us , Ricky ?
Let ’ s see – your father , you & then Jared – a long time .
And , you got the Christmas Bonus ?
And , the family – how ’ s little Jimmy ?
Diego ’ s a grandfather , but thanks for asking .
So , you ’ ve kept your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ do you do it ?
Well , you said I could keep the ones that look like John McCain…for my Retirement , you said .
Yes , someday I ’ ll be gone & you can use them – but not yet !
I ’ ve been tempted , believe me .
Trust !
You trust me & I trust you .
Yes , but this basement ’ s damp & depressing !
You want me to win again , don ’ t you ?
Well , now you ’ re gon na @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a boatload – by yesterday !
Have I ever let you down ?
Well , you just gave 5 Stars to Michael Cohen ’ s book !
Still learning – what ’ s taking you so long ?
Don ’ t you remember – you told me to use your Sharpie & fill in ‘ In Trump We Trust ’ !

Will Trump’s laundered money pay off or just cause him to lose a sock?
Donald Trump says he will spend $100 million of his own money for re-election or whatever it takes (including laundered money), “We have to win”!
Let’s listen in as Trump greets his long-time laundromat employee Ricky, who’s busy fluffing & folding…
DONALD TRUMP
Hiya Ricky – here’s this week’s batch – as usual, no starch!
RICKY
Right on it, boss.
TRUMP
Oh, here’s an old Taj Mahal Casino chip – give me a clean 20 – I have a McDonald’s run.
RICKY
Sure, here’s one – kinda used, a little Downey on the rinse cycle.
TRUMP
How long you with us, Ricky?
RICKY
Let’s see – your father, you & then Jared – a long time.
TRUMP
And, you got the Christmas Bonus?
RICKY
Yes & the ‘Bed, Bath & Beyond’ coupon.
TRUMP
And, the family – how’s little Jimmy?
RICKY
Diego’s a grandfather, but thanks for asking.
TRUMP
So, you’ve kept your mouth shut all these years – how do you do it?
RICKY
Well, you said I could keep the ones that look like John McCain…for my Retirement, you said.
TRUMP
Yes, someday I’ll be gone & you can use them – but not yet!
RICKY
I’ve been tempted, believe me.
TRUMP
Trust! You trust me & I trust you.
RICKY
Yes, but this basement’s damp & depressing!
TRUMP
You want me to win again, don’t you? Well, now you’re gonna have to work overtime – I need a boatload – by yesterday!
RICKY
Have I ever let you down?
TRUMP
Well, you just gave 5 Stars to Michael Cohen’s book!
RICKY
I’m learning my English – it’s a Good Read!
TRUMP
Still learning – what’s taking you so long?
RICKY
Don’t you remember – you told me to use your Sharpie & fill in ‘In Trump We Trust’!


humortimes--2020-09-10--Movie Review: ‘I’m Thinking of Ending Things’

Why do I often like Charlie Kaufman movies ?
It certainly isn ’ t because the writer/director makes them easy for you .
Perhaps it owes to his eschewing connections with commercial picture making .
Synecdoche , New York , Being John Malkovich and Anomalisa were the first noncommercial three to pop in my head .
There ’ s a bit of Rod Serling in Kaufman too , but Charlie hangs at a higher altitude .
For sure , David Lynch ’ s Mulholland Drive squares with Mr. Kaufman ’ s I ’ m Thinking of Ending Things .
For @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and girl on their way to Jake ’ s parents farm for a first meeting and a home-cooked dinner .
Jake is played by Jesse Plemons .
Lucy is done by a newer face to the screen .
Her name is also Jesse , but Buckley is the actress ’ s last name .
You might recall her as Rosalyn Wilder , the production assistant/confidant of Renée Zellweger ’ s Garland , in Judy .
Buckley ’ s Lucy narrates … I think .
But it might be Jake who ’ s really @ @ @ @ @ @ @ listen closely .
Driving in heavy snow to Jake ’ s folk ’ s place , their conversation , after small talk , rises to a more intellectual level .
They dissect their feelings to each other about the motion picture Woman Under the Influence as well as John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands .
Jake and Lucy ’ s chat also gets well down in the weeds on other topics ; all of them damned didactic .
Just so you know : this opening scene motoring to the old farm goes on for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you need a shot at what ’ s on the bill for later acts of Ending Things .
So , if you will now , please read what Lucy says to Jake as he navigates winter ’ s elements .
“ People like to think of themselves as points moving through time .
But I think it ’ s the opposite .
We ’ re stationary , and time passes though us… blowing like cold wind… leaving us chapped and frozen dead.
” To a convoluted extent , that ’ s what happens @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jake ’ s parent ’ s place where it becomes painfully clear how “ different ” his mom and dad are .
Toni Collette plays mom and David Thewlis is dad .
Both make Lucy very uncomfortable , and they ’ ll do the same for you .
The family greet up takes on a party scene atmosphere like when Dennis Hopper and Dean Stockwell go full-bore freaky spooks in David Lynch ’ s Blue Velvet .
As the story has it , mom and dad suddenly get older from one scene to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to being younger .
Whatever age they seem to be , their bizarre behavior stays the same .
Toni and David give a tour de force job acting totally weird , but Lucy and Jake maintain their years lived , although Jake ’ s rage increases .
Maybe it ’ s because he was raised by his parents .
Some say that Plemons is thought to be a lookalike for both Matt Damon and Philip Seymour Hoffman .
Plemons was cast in All the Pretty Horses as Damon ’ s character ( Grady @ @ @ @ @ @ @ played the young son of Hoffman ’ s character in The Master .
I ’ m not convinced that Plemons looks much like Damon or Hoffman , although an almost common complexion and hair color among the three are noted .
Plemons has an intense stare , making him nearly perfect playing a stressed fellow whose parents are well beyond being unfathomably weird .
It could be the reason I usually enjoy films associated with Kaufman is due to his easy penchant for playing-to-the-wings where his colleagues , I guess in the case @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , two more things : I haven ’ t mentioned the old , gray-haired janitor who cleans and mops up after hours in the classrooms and hallways of Jake ’ s rural high school he attended long before Jake ever laid eyes on Lucy .
The final thoughts go to why the young not-quite-yet-lovers stop during a driving blizzard to purchase curly cones at a tasty-freeze-like drive-in sitting all by itself in the dark… not to mention why Mr. Kaufman has given the icy stop-by creamery biz a name like “ Tulsey Town @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of my life in Tulsa , Oklahoma — a nice city initially named Tulsey Town — I need an explanation .
This one is too hard for me to figure , Charlie .
Now I close with my own penchant for playing-to-the-wings , saying : if ever Pauline Kael and Gordon MacRae were to have seen this movie , they ’ d surely be turning in their graves .

“I’m Thinking of Ending Things” – a film review by Gary Chew
Why do I often like Charlie Kaufman movies? It certainly isn’t because the writer/director makes them easy for you. Perhaps it owes to his eschewing connections with commercial picture making. Synecdoche, New York, Being John Malkovich and Anomalisa were the first noncommercial three to pop in my head. There’s a bit of Rod Serling in Kaufman too, but Charlie hangs at a higher altitude. For sure, David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive squares with Mr. Kaufman’s I’m Thinking of Ending Things.
For characters, we have a newly-met boy and girl on their way to Jake’s parents farm for a first meeting and a home-cooked dinner. Jake is played by Jesse Plemons. Lucy is done by a newer face to the screen. Her name is also Jesse, but Buckley is the actress’s last name. You might recall her as Rosalyn Wilder, the production assistant/confidant of Renée Zellweger’s Garland, in Judy. Buckley’s Lucy narrates … I think. But it might be Jake who’s really the narrator. You must watch and listen closely.
Driving in heavy snow to Jake’s folk’s place, their conversation, after small talk, rises to a more intellectual level. They dissect their feelings to each other about the motion picture Woman Under the Influence as well as John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands. Jake and Lucy’s chat also gets well down in the weeds on other topics; all of them damned didactic.
Just so you know: this opening scene motoring to the old farm goes on for freaking ever. That’s why you need a shot at what’s on the bill for later acts of Ending Things. So, if you will now, please read what Lucy says to Jake as he navigates winter’s elements.
“People like to think of themselves as points moving through time. But I think it’s the opposite. We’re stationary, and time passes though us… blowing like cold wind… leaving us chapped and frozen dead.”
To a convoluted extent, that’s what happens later. The couple makes it to Jake’s parent’s place where it becomes painfully clear how “different” his mom and dad are. Toni Collette plays mom and David Thewlis is dad. Both make Lucy very uncomfortable, and they’ll do the same for you. The family greet up takes on a party scene atmosphere like when Dennis Hopper and Dean Stockwell go full-bore freaky spooks in David Lynch’s Blue Velvet.
As the story has it, mom and dad suddenly get older from one scene to the next… and then, quickly retreat to being younger. Whatever age they seem to be, their bizarre behavior stays the same. Toni and David give a tour de force job acting totally weird, but Lucy and Jake maintain their years lived, although Jake’s rage increases. Maybe it’s because he was raised by his parents.
Some say that Plemons is thought to be a lookalike for both Matt Damon and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Plemons was cast in All the Pretty Horses as Damon’s character (Grady) when a child. He also played the young son of Hoffman’s character in The Master. I’m not convinced that Plemons looks much like Damon or Hoffman, although an almost common complexion and hair color among the three are noted. Plemons has an intense stare, making him nearly perfect playing a stressed fellow whose parents are well beyond being unfathomably weird.
It could be the reason I usually enjoy films associated with Kaufman is due to his easy penchant for playing-to-the-wings where his colleagues, I guess in the case of this Kaufman movie… lurk.
Oh, two more things: I haven’t mentioned the old, gray-haired janitor who cleans and mops up after hours in the classrooms and hallways of Jake’s rural high school he attended long before Jake ever laid eyes on Lucy. The final thoughts go to why the young not-quite-yet-lovers stop during a driving blizzard to purchase curly cones at a tasty-freeze-like drive-in sitting all by itself in the dark… not to mention why Mr. Kaufman has given the icy stop-by creamery biz a name like “Tulsey Town Curly Cones.”
Since I spent decades of my life in Tulsa, Oklahoma — a nice city initially named Tulsey Town — I need an explanation. This one is too hard for me to figure, Charlie.
Now I close with my own penchant for playing-to-the-wings, saying: if ever Pauline Kael and Gordon MacRae were to have seen this movie, they’d surely be turning in their graves.


humortimes--2020-09-12--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: A Serpent of the People

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It 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !

I saw a serpent who was snaked.
In deceit of power there sits a liar
Trump is awful. Of shit!
I don’t understand how people don’t understand.
There’s no protesting aloud in a fascist state.
Trump’s post office strategy: Stamping out democracy.
To avoid bad news, kill the messenger before he arrives.
Trump hates to give hope to racists.
Diss Pence with all his lies.
Never trust a headhunter who offers you a free haircut!
Hate red states bigotry.
Fox news: Alternate reali-teatime.
The earth’s temperature has risen to withering heights.
Philosophers take note: If a tree falls in the forest and no one’s there to hear it, it does make a sound: “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
Insomniacs can only dream of sleep.
Average people reap as they so-so.
Weigh too much dieting is going on.
Soda commercials: Telling it. Like it. Fizz.
To be safe, beware there’s danger.
Nowhere you aren’t.


humortimes--2020-09-12--Trump Plays While U.S. Mourns: A Poem

Trump Plays While U.S. Mourns: A Poem

Trump Plays While U.S. Mourns
Nero played with Rome aflame;
He did not care as fire spread.
Trump’s golfing trips are quite the same;
He plays while thousands all lie dead.
And now as the best Covid cure,
He champions herd immunity,
With claims Covid will not endure
When spread in the community.
That means two million more may die.
But who should be the Chosen Ones?
The only way to justify:
Infect Ivanka and his sons.
We’d only see him force a tear,
If this brought votes of sympathy.
It’s power and money he holds dear;
Their loss a business casualty.


humortimes--2020-09-12--Something Is Rotten at Big Meat Inc.

Something Is Rotten at Big Meat Inc.

Upton Sinclair ’ s landmark 1905 book , “ The Jungle , ” exposed the food contamination and worker exploitation hidden in the fetid stockyards and meatpacking plants of Chicago and other major American cities .
The muckraking journalist dubbed the nasty and brutish meat factories “ a monster … the Great Butcher … the spirit of capitalism made flesh.
” The nauseating details of worker and consumer abuses that Sinclair exposed were so horrific that the ensuing public revulsion and outrage were transformative .
Congress quickly passed a food purity law ( the 1906 Federal Meat Inspection Act ) @ @ @ @ @ @ @ contract bargaining that eventually gave long-oppressed meatpacking workers the clout to improve factory conditions and pay .
Indeed , by 1970 , the Amalgamated Meat Cutters and the United Packinghouse Union had won enforceable safety rules and solid middle-class wages — about $ 25 an hour in today ’ s dollars .
Now the median wage for hourly workers in meatpacking plants is down to about half that — $ 13.23 per hour — some 30 % less than production workers in other manufacturing jobs .
Around 1970 , just when working families @ @ @ @ @ @ @ making real progress against corporate powers , the baronies of industry and high finance initiated a radical counteroffensive .
One of their core efforts was a long-term propaganda campaign to legitimize unethical , anti-social corporate behavior .
“ Shareholder primacy , ” as they dubbed their malevolent principle , asserted that the corporate hierarchy ’ s SOLE purpose and overarching moral duty is to maximize stockholder profits .
Under this self-serving theory , CEOs and board members must do everything legally possible to lower wages , shortcut safety , squeeze out competitors , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dodge taxes , avoid scrutiny and safety , and otherwise manipulate the system to funnel revenues into shareholders ’ pockets .
When a corporation sets up a workplace that routinely results in maiming , mangling , sickening , disabling and even killing workers , those outcomes are not “ accidents.
” They are intentional , immoral decisions by executives and investors to increase profits by treating the human beings who produce the corporate product as disposable .
To cover up this wholly unethical , cost-of-doing-business approach , meatpacking profiteers put out a stream @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s commitment to the well-being of its beloved family of employees .
Shareholder primacy is , of course , pure hokum , a mumbo-jumbo mandate for greed with no basis in law , economics or ethics .
Yet , over the past 50 years , the shareholders-made-me-do-it dictum has ruled nearly every industry , none more than meatpacking .
By 1980 , the largest meatpackers were buying up smaller competitors , relocating plants from unionized urban areas to anti-union rural counties , dehumanizing and de-skilling workplaces , slashing wages , setting injury-causing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that leave workers with little power to complain about , much less to stop , abuses .
A century ago , Sinclair condemned the “ unspeakable ” practices that went on in “ packing houses all the time.
” But today ’ s conditions would leave him no less appalled .
While unions and other reformers have set higher standards for cleanliness and safety , there ’ s a big difference between what ’ s put on paper and what actually occurs .
Progress in standards , it turns out , has been @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of today ’ s facilities ; the massive volume of animals slaughtered and butchered day and night ; and the treacherous work speeds corporate bosses demand .
The Big Three multinational giants dominating the U.S. meat market ( Brazil ’ s JBS , Arkansas ’ Tyson Foods and the Chinese-owned Smithfield Foods ) run factories typically covering hundreds of acres .
There , 1,000 or more low-paid workers stand elbow to elbow in “ The Chain ” — high-speed “ disassembly ” lines that snake through the factories .
Slogging through 10- to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , knives , hammers , cleavers and other sharp and heavy tools for animal dissection made slippery by gore as they kill , gut , pluck , skin , cut , split , strip , bleed , debone and package thousands of animals every single day .
Periodically , industry lobbyists get government OKs to squeeze in more workers and speed up The Chain to force more “ product throughput ” … and profit .
Inevitably and constantly , stuff happens to the workers .
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration official injury @ @ @ @ @ @ @ injuries a month including two amputations a week .
The extent of the bloody toll , however , remains hidden since corporations are allowed to largely self-report injuries .
Local , state and federal regulators ’ standard practice is to treat industry executives and investors as esteemed clients to be coddled , not as safety violators to be sanctioned .
So , The Chain keeps running and nothing changes — except maybe the appearance of another “ safety first ” poster in the break room .

Big Meat profiteers employ a wholly unethical, cost-of-doing-business approach.
Upton Sinclair’s landmark 1905 book, “The Jungle,” exposed the food contamination and worker exploitation hidden in the fetid stockyards and meatpacking plants of Chicago and other major American cities. The muckraking journalist dubbed the nasty and brutish meat factories “a monster … the Great Butcher … the spirit of capitalism made flesh.”
The nauseating details of worker and consumer abuses that Sinclair exposed were so horrific that the ensuing public revulsion and outrage were transformative. Congress quickly passed a food purity law (the 1906 Federal Meat Inspection Act), and union organizing drives sparked nationwide contract bargaining that eventually gave long-oppressed meatpacking workers the clout to improve factory conditions and pay. Indeed, by 1970, the Amalgamated Meat Cutters and the United Packinghouse Union had won enforceable safety rules and solid middle-class wages — about $25 an hour in today’s dollars. Now the median wage for hourly workers in meatpacking plants is down to about half that — $13.23 per hour — some 30% less than production workers in other manufacturing jobs.
Around 1970, just when working families, consumers, environmentalists and others were making real progress against corporate powers, the baronies of industry and high finance initiated a radical counteroffensive. One of their core efforts was a long-term propaganda campaign to legitimize unethical, anti-social corporate behavior. “Shareholder primacy,” as they dubbed their malevolent principle, asserted that the corporate hierarchy’s SOLE purpose and overarching moral duty is to maximize stockholder profits.
Under this self-serving theory, CEOs and board members must do everything legally possible to lower wages, shortcut safety, squeeze out competitors, cheapen quality, minimize environmental protections, dodge taxes, avoid scrutiny and safety, and otherwise manipulate the system to funnel revenues into shareholders’ pockets.
When a corporation sets up a workplace that routinely results in maiming, mangling, sickening, disabling and even killing workers, those outcomes are not “accidents.” They are intentional, immoral decisions by executives and investors to increase profits by treating the human beings who produce the corporate product as disposable.
To cover up this wholly unethical, cost-of-doing-business approach, meatpacking profiteers put out a stream of B.S. to extol their industry’s commitment to the well-being of its beloved family of employees.
Shareholder primacy is, of course, pure hokum, a mumbo-jumbo mandate for greed with no basis in law, economics or ethics. Yet, over the past 50 years, the shareholders-made-me-do-it dictum has ruled nearly every industry, none more than meatpacking. By 1980, the largest meatpackers were buying up smaller competitors, relocating plants from unionized urban areas to anti-union rural counties, dehumanizing and de-skilling workplaces, slashing wages, setting injury-causing work processes and imposing strict labor rules that leave workers with little power to complain about, much less to stop, abuses.
A century ago, Sinclair condemned the “unspeakable” practices that went on in “packing houses all the time.” But today’s conditions would leave him no less appalled. While unions and other reformers have set higher standards for cleanliness and safety, there’s a big difference between what’s put on paper and what actually occurs. Progress in standards, it turns out, has been efficiently canceled out by the sheer enormity of today’s facilities; the massive volume of animals slaughtered and butchered day and night; and the treacherous work speeds corporate bosses demand.
The Big Three multinational giants dominating the U.S. meat market (Brazil’s JBS, Arkansas’ Tyson Foods and the Chinese-owned Smithfield Foods) run factories typically covering hundreds of acres. There, 1,000 or more low-paid workers stand elbow to elbow in “The Chain” — high-speed “disassembly” lines that snake through the factories. Slogging through 10- to 12-hour shifts, they wield assorted saws, knives, hammers, cleavers and other sharp and heavy tools for animal dissection made slippery by gore as they kill, gut, pluck, skin, cut, split, strip, bleed, debone and package thousands of animals every single day. Periodically, industry lobbyists get government OKs to squeeze in more workers and speed up The Chain to force more “product throughput” … and profit.
Inevitably and constantly, stuff happens to the workers. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration official injury reports show an average of 17 severe injuries a month including two amputations a week. The extent of the bloody toll, however, remains hidden since corporations are allowed to largely self-report injuries. Local, state and federal regulators’ standard practice is to treat industry executives and investors as esteemed clients to be coddled, not as safety violators to be sanctioned. So, The Chain keeps running and nothing changes — except maybe the appearance of another “safety first” poster in the break room.


humortimes--2020-09-14--Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/14/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/14/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been endorsed by 81 Nobel Prize winners The Bachelor ’ s Taylor Nolan says she ’ s single and exploring “ poly-type relationships ” For anyone wondering , “ poly-type relationships ” are multi people relationships that don ’ t include anyone reading this !
Two ‘ Boogaloo Bois ’ charged with conspiring to provide support to Hamas Let ’ s just call them what they are Vanilla ISIS… Trump lashes out at Woodward book as “ political hit job ” as McEnany defends Trump over coronavirus comments Not sure what ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Americans about a pandemic or talking to Woodward 18 times .
Apparently , the only chemical not being used for raising chickens is Viagra .
Oh , no , where will San Franciscans find hairstylists… ?
… Or , did he … Reports that Jay Cutler and Tomi Lahren are dating Confirming one thing : Trump wasn ’ t one of her sources .
… and Larry David who have never been seen in the same place at the same time .
Trump appears to forget the words to the Pledge of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like Presidents who aren ’ t captured… on film not knowing all the words to the Pledge of Allegiance .
TENNIS : Novak Djokovic disqualified from US Open after hitting game official with ball I guess that means the Djokovic is on him .
At campaign event in PA , Trump mocks Biden for wearing a mask ( in accordance with public health guidelines for combating the pandemic ) : “ Did you ever see a man that likes a mask as much as him ?
”

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Biden’s been endorsed by 81 Nobel Prize winners
Trump can’t spell ‘Noble.’
The Bachelor’s Taylor Nolan says she’s single and exploring “poly-type relationships”
For anyone wondering, “poly-type relationships” are multi people relationships that don’t include anyone reading this!
Two ‘Boogaloo Bois’ charged with conspiring to provide support to Hamas
Let’s just call them what they are Vanilla ISIS…
Trump lashes out at Woodward book as “political hit job” as McEnany defends Trump over coronavirus comments
Not sure what’s dumber, telling Bob Woodward you lied to Americans about a pandemic or talking to Woodward 18 times.
A Nebraska man exposes ‘boneless chicken wings’ in court
Apparently, the only chemical not being used for raising chickens is Viagra.
San Francisco salon owner closes shop after Nancy Pelosi face mask controversy
Oh, no, where will San Franciscans find hairstylists…?
Gerald Shur, Architect of Witness Protection Program, dies at 86
… Or, did he …
Reports that Jay Cutler and Tomi Lahren are dating
I’m shocked, shocked Cutler might’ve completed a pass!
Judges order Kanye West off Arizona and Virginia ballots
Here’s hoping Taylor Swift demands he’s replaced by Beyoncé.
Jennifer Griffin defends reporting & “unimpeachable” sources after Trump ordered Fox News fire her
Confirming one thing: Trump wasn’t one of her sources.
Travis Tritt blocking people on Twitter
How’s that a punishment?
Happy 79th birthday, Bernie Sanders
… and Larry David who have never been seen in the same place at the same time.
Trump appears to forget the words to the Pledge of Allegiance At 9/11 Commemoration
Personally, I like Presidents who aren’t captured… on film not knowing all the words to the Pledge of Allegiance.
TENNIS: Novak Djokovic disqualified from US Open after hitting game official with ball
I guess that means the Djokovic is on him.
At campaign event in PA, Trump mocks Biden for wearing a mask (in accordance with public health guidelines for combating the pandemic): “Did you ever see a man that likes a mask as much as him?”
…. only Comic book superheroes…


humortimes--2020-09-14--Jesus Christ Appears in New Anti-Trump Ad

[ Disclaimer : This is a satirical news piece , just for fun , read at your own risk ! ]
The Bipartisan Electorate Against Sociopath Trump , better known as BEAST , has just released a new anti-Trump television commercial featuring Jesus Christ .
The two-minute spot features actual quotes from both Jesus Christ , the Son of Man , and Donald Trump , the son-of-a-bitch .
Alternating sound bites effectively create a virtual debate between two very different ideologies , and highlights their stark differences .
Given below is the full transcript of the advertisement .
Jesus , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and got to speak first : Take heed that no man deceives you .
What have you got to lose ?
What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world , but loses his soul ?
I ’ m not a schmuck !
Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket I won ’ t lose a penny !
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
The beauty of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rich .
If you want to be perfect , sell your possessions and give to the poor , and you will have treasure in Heaven .
Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don ’ t make .
For everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled , and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted .
I think I am , actually humble .
I think I ’ m much more humble than you would understand .
I ’ m also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has .
I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ meek shall inherit the earth .
It is better to live one day as a lion than one hundred years as a sheep !
We ’ re not allowed to punch back anymore .
I ’ d like to punch him in the face !
I ’ m good at war .
I ’ ve had lots of wars of my own .
I ’ m really good at war .
I love war in a certain way .
But only when we win .
Do unto others what you would have them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ these terrorists you have to take out their families .
I think our country does lots of killing also .
I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody .
It ’ s like incredible !
Let the one among you who is without sin cast the first stone .
Why can ’ t we use nuclear weapons ?
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all your heart , all your soul , and all your mind .
I ’ m speaking with myself , number one .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ll get ugly !
Ask and it will be given to you , search and you will find ; knock and the door will be opened for you .
Russia , if you ’ re listening , I hope you ’ re able to find the thirty thousand emails that are missing .
Nobody has more respect for women than me .
I grab ’ em by the pussy !
I sorta get away with things like that .
We have the worst laws !
Cast your bread upon the waters… Blessed be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kingdom of God .
What do I know about it ?
All I know is what ’ s on the internet .
All power is given to me in heaven and earth .
I alone can fix it .

[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]
Anti-Trump ad asks: “What Would Jesus Say?”
The Bipartisan Electorate Against Sociopath Trump, better known as BEAST, has just released a new anti-Trump television commercial featuring Jesus Christ.
The two-minute spot features actual quotes from both Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, and Donald Trump, the son-of-a-bitch. Alternating sound bites effectively create a virtual debate between two very different ideologies, and highlights their stark differences. Given below is the full transcript of the advertisement. Jesus, of course, won the coin toss and got to speak first:
(The commercial opens with the question: “What Would Jesus Say?” and then dissolves to a shot of Jesus. The camera then alternates between shots of Jesus and of Trump as they speak.)
JESUS:
What is truth?
TRUMP:
What do I know about it? All I know is what’s on the internet.
JESUS:
What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul?
TRUMP:
I’m not a schmuck! Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket I won’t lose a penny!
JESUS:
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
TRUMP:
The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.
JESUS:
If you want to be perfect, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven.
TRUMP:
Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.
JESUS:
For everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted.
TRUMP:
I think I am, actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand. I’m also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has. I would give myself a A+.
JESUS:
The meek shall inherit the earth.
TRUMP:
It is better to live one day as a lion than one hundred years as a sheep!
JESUS:
Turn the other cheek.
TRUMP:
We’re not allowed to punch back anymore. I’d like to punch him in the face!
JESUS:
Blessed are the peacemakers…
TRUMP:
I’m good at war. I’ve had lots of wars of my own. I’m really good at war. I love war in a certain way. But only when we win.
JESUS:
Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.
TRUMP:
When you get these terrorists you have to take out their families.
JESUS:
Thou shalt not kill.
TRUMP:
I think our country does lots of killing also. I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody. It’s like incredible!
JESUS:
Let the one among you who is without sin cast the first stone.
TRUMP:
Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?
JESUS:
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.
TRUMP:
I’m speaking with myself, number one. Make me look bad and I’ll get ugly!
JESUS:
Ask and it will be given to you, search and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you.
TRUMP:
Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the thirty thousand emails that are missing.
JESUS:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
TRUMP:
Nobody has more respect for women than me. I grab ’em by the pussy!
JESUS:
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
TRUMP:
I sorta get away with things like that.
JESUS:
Thou shalt not steal.
TRUMP:
We have the worst laws!
JESUS:
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
TRUMP:
Fake news!
JESUS:
Cast your bread upon the waters…
TRUMP:
Radical socialist agenda!
JESUS:
Blessed be the poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God.
TRUMP:
Liberal hoax!
JESUS:
All power is given to me in heaven and earth.
TRUMP:
I alone can fix it.
JESUS:
Take heed that no man deceives you.
TRUMP:
What have you got to lose?
JESUS:
Follow me.
TRUMP:
Follow me on Twitter!
(On that dark note the ad fades to black with one final question: “Who Would Jesus Vote For?”)


humortimes--2020-09-22--The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Trumper Roseanne Barr

Live from under a rock in your backyard , it ’ s The Jerry Duncan Show .
Good morning listeners nationwide .
Is it a good morning ?
Absolutely .
Today on the show my guest is comedian Roseanne Barr .
Haven ’ t heard from you in a while .
With the coronavirus and stuff , I ’ m vegetatin in Hawaii .
My alone time is for your safety .
Damn straight .
Orange is the new Black .
Make America Hate Again .
The Donald is a very stable genius .
If lies were bricks , Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
We Hawaiians have a sayin ’ .
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer .
Your ex-husband Tom Arnold said you purposely sabotaged The Conners sitcom so it would be cancelled in 2018 .
Your racist tweets about Valerie Jarrett gave the network no choice .
I stand by my statement .
Valerie Jarret is a Muslim and an ape .
Actress Rita Moreno said , “ You are a sorry excuse for a human being.
” If I had poisoned Rita 30 years ago , I ’ d be out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sykes said , “ Roseanne is just an old lady who shouldn ’ t be on Twitter.
” Wanda is a washed up no talent .
Her hair is bigger than my mouth .
So what are you doing to help the Trump campaign ?
I ’ m writin racist jokes for his rallies .
The Rubes love ’ em .
Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels ?
So they can drive them with handcuffs on .
Actually , I wrote the joke with Sheriff Joe Arpaio when we wuz visitin the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this mornin when I was drinkin beer .
Would you like to hear it ?
Sure .
Let you stupidity be a shining light for Republicans .
How do you distinguish an Arab from a terrorist ?
Have you ever been treated for mental illness ?
Yeah .
I had a baby in a mental hospital when I was 16 .
I was really messed up .
Did that child ever try to find you ?
Never .
She was kidnapped by aliens .
Every time I eat a Mars bar , I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mars bars are just nutless Snickers .
Right ?
Guess you can say they ’ re infertile .
Why don ’ t you leave politics ?
Do some good for humanity .
I just donated $ 1,000 to a charity for blind children .
But I doubt they ’ ll ever see any of the money .
I ’ m gon na start my own charity called Dummies R Us .
Name one thing that makes Dummies R Us special .
My peeps sit on a TV to watch a couch .
Are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fall on your head ?
Nah .
I live with mental illness which makes my husband jealous .
Got ta get the hell out of her before I crack up .
See you tomorrow .

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Roseanne Barr.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Absolutely. Today on the show my guest is comedian Roseanne Barr.
JERRY
Good morning, Roseanne.
ROSEANNE BARR
Hi Jerry.
JERRY
Haven’t heard from you in a while.
BARR
With the coronavirus and stuff, I’m vegetatin in Hawaii. My alone time is for your safety.
JERRY
You’re a big Trump supporter.
BARR
Damn straight. Orange is the new Black. Make America Hate Again. The Donald is a very stable genius.
JERRY
If lies were bricks, Trump would have built that wall by now.
BARR
We Hawaiians have a sayin’. Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
JERRY
Your ex-husband Tom Arnold said you purposely sabotaged The Conners sitcom so it would be cancelled in 2018. Your racist tweets about Valerie Jarrett gave the network no choice.
BARR
I stand by my statement. Valerie Jarret is a Muslim and an ape.
JERRY
Actress Rita Moreno said, “You are a sorry excuse for a human being.”
BARR
If I had poisoned Rita 30 years ago, I’d be out on parole by now.
JERRY
Comedian Wanda Sykes said, “Roseanne is just an old lady who shouldn’t be on Twitter.”
BARR
Wanda is a washed up no talent. Her hair is bigger than my mouth.
JERRY
So what are you doing to help the Trump campaign?
BARR
I’m writin racist jokes for his rallies. The Rubes love’em.
JERRY
Like what?
BARR
Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels?
JERRY
I don’t know.
BARR
So they can drive them with handcuffs on. Actually, I wrote the joke with Sheriff Joe Arpaio when we wuz visitin the White House.
JERRY
(sarcastic) Wonderful.
BARR
Thought of this one this mornin when I was drinkin beer. Would you like to hear it?
JERRY
Sure. Let you stupidity be a shining light for Republicans.
BARR
How do you distinguish an Arab from a terrorist?
JERRY
I can’t imagine.
BARR
You don’t. That’s the problem.
JERRY
Have you ever been treated for mental illness?
BARR
Yeah. I had a baby in a mental hospital when I was 16. I was really messed up.
JERRY
Did that child ever try to find you?
BARR
Never. She was kidnapped by aliens. Every time I eat a Mars bar, I think of her. Ya know. Mars bars are just nutless Snickers. Right? Guess you can say they’re infertile.
JERRY
Why don’t you leave politics? Do some good for humanity.
BARR
I just donated $1,000 to a charity for blind children. But I doubt they’ll ever see any of the money. I’m gonna start my own charity called Dummies R Us.
JERRY
Name one thing that makes Dummies R Us special.
BARR
My peeps sit on a TV to watch a couch.
JERRY
Are you sure a coconut didn’t fall on your head?
BARR
Nah. I live with mental illness which makes my husband jealous.
JERRY
Gotta get the hell out of here before I crack up. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner


humortimes--2020-09-22--Trump: ‘Black Holidays Matter’

Trump: ‘Black Holidays Matter’

Trump has declared that he ’ s undergone a review of Black holidays , and there are not enough , so he is establishing a new one .
President Trump has been arguing that he has done more for African Americans than any president except possibly Abraham Lincoln who , it turns out , was also a Republican .
Who Knew ?
But his efforts to reach Black American voters does not appear to be working .
Current polls show that the vast majority of African Americans are supporting his Democratic rival , former Vice President Joe Biden .
So @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his standing with these voters , Trump declared that he had undergone a review of Black holidays and that he had found the number of such observances to be inadequate .
“ There just aren ’ t enough celebrations devoted to our African American citizens ” he said .
“ Sure , there is Martin Luther King Day in January and Black History Month , which takes place in the first two weeks of February .
Then there is Juneteenth day in June which I believe was established to honor Black teens .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kwanzaa in December .
I don ’ t actually know what that is , however , I ’ ve been told by a lot of people that I have made it great again .
But there should be more African American observances.
” The president then stunned reporters when he announced that he would be signing an executive order creating a new holiday to specifically recognize the achievements of all Black Americans except Barack Obama .
Trump went on to say , “ By the authority vested in me as president by the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , it is hereby ordered that the first Friday after Thanksgiving will now be known as Black Friday and will be a day devoted to commemorating the significant contributions that African Americans have made to our history and culture.
” Trump then went off script and declared , “ I have personally noticed the great accomplishments of various Black Americans such as : Supreme Court Justices Hugo Black and Harry Blackmun , the actors Jack Black and Shirley Temple Black , General Black Jack Pershing , the commander of the brave American soldiers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ WWI and , of course , Sirius Black who was very misunderstood .
That I can tell you.
” Later , the Commander-in Chief announced that he would be signing another executive order that would require all retail stores to open early on Black Friday so that everyone can get an early start on their Christmas and Kwanzaa shopping .
“ Lincoln would have wanted it that way ” the president said .

Trump has declared that he’s undergone a review of Black holidays, and there are not enough, so he is establishing a new one.
President Trump has been arguing that he has done more for African Americans than any president except possibly Abraham Lincoln who, it turns out, was also a Republican. Who Knew?
But his efforts to reach Black American voters does not appear to be working. Current polls show that the vast majority of African Americans are supporting his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden.
So today, in an effort to improve his standing with these voters, Trump declared that he had undergone a review of Black holidays and that he had found the number of such observances to be inadequate.
“There just aren’t enough celebrations devoted to our African American citizens” he said. “Sure, there is Martin Luther King Day in January and Black History Month, which takes place in the first two weeks of February. Then there is Juneteenth day in June which I believe was established to honor Black teens. And, of course, there is Kwanzaa in December. I don’t actually know what that is, however, I’ve been told by a lot of people that I have made it great again. But there should be more African American observances.”
The president then stunned reporters when he announced that he would be signing an executive order creating a new holiday to specifically recognize the achievements of all Black Americans except Barack Obama. Trump went on to say, “ By the authority vested in me as president by the Declaration of Independence and the Magna Carta, it is hereby ordered that the first Friday after Thanksgiving will now be known as Black Friday and will be a day devoted to commemorating the significant contributions that African Americans have made to our history and culture.”
Trump then went off script and declared, “I have personally noticed the great accomplishments of various Black Americans such as: Supreme Court Justices Hugo Black and Harry Blackmun, the actors Jack Black and Shirley Temple Black, General Black Jack Pershing, the commander of the brave American soldiers that stormed the beaches of Normandy during WWI and, of course, Sirius Black who was very misunderstood. That I can tell you.”
Later, the Commander-in Chief announced that he would be signing another executive order that would require all retail stores to open early on Black Friday so that everyone can get an early start on their Christmas and Kwanzaa shopping.
“Lincoln would have wanted it that way” the president said.


The Social Preamble

Last night I went to a gender reveal party for senior citizens like myself. Unfortunately, there were no fireworks; just hundreds of burnt-out candles. My old friend Angela Davis was there. She wondered if this was what James Baldwin had in mind by ‘the fire next time,’ but before I could answer, the crook and blather arrived. Chief Donald Trump doused the flames, but Brakeman Bob Woodward fanned them. Then they started shouting at each other as we evacuated the Whitewash House and took refuge in the intestinal by-pass system that the Eisenhower administration designed, in case of a national emergency room. At my age, that may come in handy, especially if I have to mail my sample ballot early, in time for it to be safely and discreetly discarded. It’s times like these that make me glad I’m living in America, where a man can still breathe freely, be it Portbanned, Oregano or in the Twin Miseries, and where no woman ever reveals her age, except when she is having a baby, and is looking for someone to blame for having lit the spark nine months too soon, without using a fire extinguisher (or other form of pest control) to prevent forest firebrands from over-crowding mother earth before she’s even old enough to vote. Anybody got a match?


humortimes--2020-09-21--Pandemic in the Meat Plants

Pandemic in the Meat Plants

Corporate meat plants , backed by slimy politicians , have an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior , disposable beings .
Until recently , few people considered the sources of their meat .
Then , a coronavirus walked into one after another of Meat Inc. ’ s humongous rural factories , where more than 90 % of U.S. bacon , hamburger , chops , wings and other animal parts are processed .
Within weeks , the meat plant industry ’ s business model — immense plants , side-by-side congestion , worker powerlessness and profit-driven executive suite carelessness — had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ toll is undoubtedly higher , 494 meat factories have acknowledged coronavirus outbreaks that have infected at least 42,534 workers and killed 203 .
In counties with few doctors and often no hospitals , bodies piled up ; workers were refusing to show up ; plants were forced to shut down ; supermarkets and restaurants across the country rationed meat sales ; and — worst of all in the corporate view — profits plummeted .
What to do ?
Do the old corporate shuffle , of course : Deny there ’ s any crisis @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dead ; blame immigrants ; get Trump to order workers back on the job and grant blanket legal immunity to the corporations for any resulting harm to working families ; and speed up the high-speed disassembly lines , known as The Chain , that snake through the factories .
Sure enough , when workers began testing positive and dying , major meatpackers responded by not reporting data , halting worker testing and scoffing at workers ’ concerns .
As the virus ran rampant in April and May , callous corporate bosses resorted to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Brazilian conglomerate , tried to lure its low-wage , vulnerable workers back on The Chain with a cheap bribe : a 5-pound package of ground beef .
Worse are public officials who abet that greed .
In Iowa , when county health officials demanded that Tyson test workers , the elected county attorney balked at “ overstepping our bounds ” and weakened the demand to an easily ignored request .
Two weeks later , the state health office finally intervened to run tests : 730 people — 58 % of plant workers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Similarly , a slew of North Carolina county health directors asked state officials not to embarrass Smithfield Foods by releasing plant-specific numbers of infected workers .
Why ?
Because disclosure “ may negatively impact the relationship ” with corporate executives .
This conspiracy of silence is killing workers , families and communities .
“ Are you telling me that it doesn ’ t matter that two workers are infected because the plant is worth more than the workers ’ health ?
” a pork plant worker emailed city officials in Missouri .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ they ’ re saying .
One city official suggested using hand sanitizer .
Ignoring science and the Common Good , and siding with meat executives , our cheeseburger-gobbling president invoked the 1950 Defense Production Act to decree that chicken nuggets , pork rinds and Slim Jims are “ scarce and critical material essential to the national defense.
” Thus , public health officials are now prohibited from closing any plants , and slaughterhouse workers must obey private corporate orders to return to The Chain or lose their jobs and become ineligible for unemployment @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Trumpistas issued minimal worker-protection guidelines — but even they are voluntary , letting bosses ignore them .
Unsurprisingly , just over a month after Trump ’ s executive order , COVID-19 cases tied to slaughterhouses jumped by more than 100 % .
Earlier this month , the Occupational Safety and Health Administration stepped up and issued fines to two of the largest meatpacking plants in the U.S. , citing them for creating “ recognized hazards that were causing or likely to cause death or serious physical harm to employees ” and finding @ @ @ @ @ @ @ develop or implement timely and effective measures to mitigate exposures ” to the coronavirus .
Finally , something will be done about the unsafe conditions in meatpacking plants , right ?
Well … no .
Both JBS and Smithfield have said the fines are “ without merit ” and will be contested .
OSHA must have issued massive fines if multibillion-dollar companies are opting to fight them .
Well … again , no .
Smithfield , a $ 14 billion conglomerate , and JBS , a $ 51.7 billion global powerhouse , have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get this — $ 29,000 .
“ These tiny fines are nothing to ( meat plant owners ) , ” said Kim Cordova , president of the UFCW Local 7 .
“ They give an incentive to make these workers work faster and harder in the most unsafe working conditions imaginable.
” What we face here is not just standard corporate minginess but an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior , disposable beings : It dehumanizes not only the workplace but workers themselves .
It ’ s bad enough that some elites @ @ @ @ @ @ @ worse that , in the case of the meat industry , this lethal dehumanization is now accepted as the guiding ethic of both corporate and governmental policy .

Corporate meat plants, backed by slimy politicians, have an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior, disposable beings.
Until recently, few people considered the sources of their meat. Then, a coronavirus walked into one after another of Meat Inc.’s humongous rural factories, where more than 90% of U.S. bacon, hamburger, chops, wings and other animal parts are processed. Within weeks, the meat plant industry’s business model — immense plants, side-by-side congestion, worker powerlessness and profit-driven executive suite carelessness — had created hotbeds of contagion. Although the toll is undoubtedly higher, 494 meat factories have acknowledged coronavirus outbreaks that have infected at least 42,534 workers and killed 203.
In counties with few doctors and often no hospitals, bodies piled up; workers were refusing to show up; plants were forced to shut down; supermarkets and restaurants across the country rationed meat sales; and — worst of all in the corporate view — profits plummeted. What to do?
Do the old corporate shuffle, of course: Deny there’s any crisis; hide the numbers of ill and dead; blame immigrants; get Trump to order workers back on the job and grant blanket legal immunity to the corporations for any resulting harm to working families; and speed up the high-speed disassembly lines, known as The Chain, that snake through the factories.
Sure enough, when workers began testing positive and dying, major meatpackers responded by not reporting data, halting worker testing and scoffing at workers’ concerns. As the virus ran rampant in April and May, callous corporate bosses resorted to gimmicks. For example, JBS, the Brazilian conglomerate, tried to lure its low-wage, vulnerable workers back on The Chain with a cheap bribe: a 5-pound package of ground beef.
Worse are public officials who abet that greed. In Iowa, when county health officials demanded that Tyson test workers, the elected county attorney balked at “overstepping our bounds” and weakened the demand to an easily ignored request. Two weeks later, the state health office finally intervened to run tests: 730 people — 58% of plant workers — had tested positive for the virus.
Similarly, a slew of North Carolina county health directors asked state officials not to embarrass Smithfield Foods by releasing plant-specific numbers of infected workers. Why? Because disclosure “may negatively impact the relationship” with corporate executives.
This conspiracy of silence is killing workers, families and communities. “Are you telling me that it doesn’t matter that two workers are infected because the plant is worth more than the workers’ health?” a pork plant worker emailed city officials in Missouri. Yes, that’s precisely what they’re saying. One city official suggested using hand sanitizer.
Ignoring science and the Common Good, and siding with meat executives, our cheeseburger-gobbling president invoked the 1950 Defense Production Act to decree that chicken nuggets, pork rinds and Slim Jims are “scarce and critical material essential to the national defense.” Thus, public health officials are now prohibited from closing any plants, and slaughterhouse workers must obey private corporate orders to return to The Chain or lose their jobs and become ineligible for unemployment benefits. To mask their crime, the Trumpistas issued minimal worker-protection guidelines — but even they are voluntary, letting bosses ignore them. Unsurprisingly, just over a month after Trump’s executive order, COVID-19 cases tied to slaughterhouses jumped by more than 100%.
Earlier this month, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration stepped up and issued fines to two of the largest meatpacking plants in the U.S., citing them for creating “recognized hazards that were causing or likely to cause death or serious physical harm to employees” and finding that the mega-rich giants “did not develop or implement timely and effective measures to mitigate exposures” to the coronavirus.
Finally, something will be done about the unsafe conditions in meatpacking plants, right? Well … no. Both JBS and Smithfield have said the fines are “without merit” and will be contested.
OSHA must have issued massive fines if multibillion-dollar companies are opting to fight them. Well … again, no. Smithfield, a $14 billion conglomerate, and JBS, a $51.7 billion global powerhouse, have been fined a combined total of — get this — $29,000. “These tiny fines are nothing to (meat plant owners),” said Kim Cordova, president of the UFCW Local 7. “They give an incentive to make these workers work faster and harder in the most unsafe working conditions imaginable.”
What we face here is not just standard corporate minginess but an evil mentality that reduces workers to inferior, disposable beings: It dehumanizes not only the workplace but workers themselves. It’s bad enough that some elites have always held such beliefs but far worse that, in the case of the meat industry, this lethal dehumanization is now accepted as the guiding ethic of both corporate and governmental policy.


humortimes--2020-09-22--Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/22/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/22/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great Supremes , right up there with Diana Ross , Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson .
God speed !
McDonald ’ s is selling a 3-foot chicken nugget body pillow that looks wildly realistic … and is more nutritious !
Woodward bested Trump the same way he bested Nixon : Understanding power Damn , let ’ s face it , Bob Woodward f % $ ked Trump so bad , the only thing missing was Jerry Falwell Jr. sitting in the corner watching .
Astronomers have found a potential sign of life in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ might really be from Venus and men from Mars .
Cardi B and Offset are getting a divorce Pence called a former aide who spoke out against the Trump Administration “ disgruntled ” Let ’ s face it , almost no one leaves Trump “ gruntled.
” Damn , Canadians are so polite that in the Canadian version of a Bond movie , the villain is known as ‘ Dr .
No Thank You !
’ Well , they were married for 98 years in Snoop Dogg years .
…and a U.S Territory @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on Grammy Award during his latest Tweet storm Damn , I remember when Milli Vanilli had two other people do that for them !
The people most surprised by any peace deal between Israel , UAE and Bahrain are the people of Israel , UAE and Bahrain who had no idea they were at war .
If you spent that much time around that many kids , why you didn ’ t drink was a better question… … that ’ s what happens when you have a herd mentality…

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
RIP, RBG
One of the great Supremes, right up there with Diana Ross, Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson. God speed!
McDonald’s is selling a 3-foot chicken nugget body pillow that looks wildly realistic
… and is more nutritious!
Woodward bested Trump the same way he bested Nixon: Understanding power
Damn, let’s face it, Bob Woodward f%$ked Trump so bad, the only thing missing was Jerry Falwell Jr. sitting in the corner watching.
Astronomers have found a potential sign of life in the clouds of Venus
So, women might really be from Venus and men from Mars.
Cardi B and Offset are getting a divorce
… and fonts named after them….
Pence called a former aide who spoke out against the Trump Administration “disgruntled”
Let’s face it, almost no one leaves Trump “gruntled.”
Canada brewery apologizes for beer named ‘pubic hair’ in Maori
Damn, Canadians are so polite that in the Canadian version of a Bond movie, the villain is known as ‘Dr. No Thank You!’
Judges order Kanye West off Arizona and Virginia ballots
Here’s hoping Taylor Swift demands he’s replaced by Beyoncé.
Dr. Dre’s wife Nicole Young requests nearly $2 million a month in spousal support amid divorce
Well, they were married for 98 years in Snoop Dogg years.
Trump wanted to trade Greenland for Puerto Rico
…and a U.S Territory to be named later…
Kanye West urinates on Grammy Award during his latest Tweet storm
Damn, I remember when Milli Vanilli had two other people do that for them!
UAE, Bahrain and Israel sign historic “Peace” deal
The people most surprised by any peace deal between Israel, UAE and Bahrain are the people of Israel, UAE and Bahrain who had no idea they were at war.
Why Jill Duggar Dillard decided to drink alcohol
If you spent that much time around that many kids, why you didn’t drink was a better question…
Multiple White House staff have tested positive for COVID-19 today
… that’s what happens when you have a herd mentality…


humortimes--2020-09-22--Exclusive: Trump to Nominate Security Blanket as DHS Secretary

In a stunning reversal , President Trump is set to nominate his favorite security blanket as Homeland Security chief .
President Trump is expected to nominate his security blanket as the Secretary of Homeland Security , according to multiple sources familiar with the matter .
Trump had previously nominated Acting Secretary of Homeland Security Chad Wolf but in a surprise move rescinded his nomination .
Wolf had been facing scrutiny over heading the department while still in an acting role .
When pressed about the report , Trump remarked that “ Chad has done a great — absolutely fantastic — @ @ @ @ @ @ @ country can rely on and wipe its nose in after a good cry.
” Trump ’ s blanket — which he calls “ Mr .
Snuggles ” — has had a long career at the president ’ s side .
It was reported that after winning the election , Trump was found hiding under the blanket and wouldn ’ t come out until Vice President Pence brought in a Happy Meal .
More recently , the blanket accompanied the president as he was moved to the White House bunker during racial justice protests @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , too , ended with a Happy Meal . )
Most Republicans have applauded the move and even several Democrats have expressed their confidence in Trump ’ s pick .
Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee Bennie Thompson told reporters after hearing the news , “ We of course have to let the confirmation process take its course , but I ’ m pleased that we may finally have someone — something rather — with relevant experience heading the department.
” Other Democrats , however , have questioned the blanket ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ told CNN that , “ How can we determine if the blanket is fit for the office if we don ’ t even know its thread count ?
The last thing the American people want at DHS is itchy skin or worse : a rash.
” Senator Mitt Romney , who has grappled with the president in the past , agreed with Schumer ’ s assessment : “ We need to know more about the blanket .
My biggest concern is how often it ’ s washed .
There are rumors circulating that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ true is an obvious concern.
” Currently , the confirmation hearings are scheduled to open early next week , with opening statements slated for “ after naptime ” , according to a congressional press release .
Juice boxes will be provided .

In a stunning reversal, President Trump is set to nominate his favorite security blanket as Homeland Security chief.
President Trump is expected to nominate his security blanket as the Secretary of Homeland Security, according to multiple sources familiar with the matter. Trump had previously nominated Acting Secretary of Homeland Security Chad Wolf but in a surprise move rescinded his nomination. Wolf had been facing scrutiny over heading the department while still in an acting role. When pressed about the report, Trump remarked that “Chad has done a great — absolutely fantastic — job, but we need someone the country can rely on and wipe its nose in after a good cry.”
Trump’s blanket — which he calls “Mr. Snuggles” — has had a long career at the president’s side. It was reported that after winning the election, Trump was found hiding under the blanket and wouldn’t come out until Vice President Pence brought in a Happy Meal. More recently, the blanket accompanied the president as he was moved to the White House bunker during racial justice protests in Washington, D.C. (That instance, too, ended with a Happy Meal.)
Most Republicans have applauded the move and even several Democrats have expressed their confidence in Trump’s pick. Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee Bennie Thompson told reporters after hearing the news, “We of course have to let the confirmation process take its course, but I’m pleased that we may finally have someone — something rather — with relevant experience heading the department.”
Other Democrats, however, have questioned the blanket’s background. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer told CNN that, “How can we determine if the blanket is fit for the office if we don’t even know its thread count? The last thing the American people want at DHS is itchy skin or worse: a rash.”
Senator Mitt Romney, who has grappled with the president in the past, agreed with Schumer’s assessment: “We need to know more about the blanket. My biggest concern is how often it’s washed. There are rumors circulating that it is never washed, which if true is an obvious concern.”
Currently, the confirmation hearings are scheduled to open early next week, with opening statements slated for “after naptime”, according to a congressional press release. Juice boxes will be provided.


humortimes--2020-09-22--The Trump Translator App

The Trump Translator App

The president does not always say what he means , hence the need for this special Trump Translator app !
For almost four years now , folks have been inundated with sound clips , speeches and tweets from Donald Trump .
Given the wealth of communications from the President , one would think that his message is clear but sadly such is not the case .
The problem , it turns out , is that Mr. Trump does not always say what he means .
In fact , more often than not , his meaning is entirely different from his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ special Trump Translator app to figure out what the man is really saying .
Here are just a few examples of what one can divine from the Trump Translator : : “ That ’ s a lie .
It ’ s fake news.
” : “ It ’ s 100 % true .
I can ’ t dispute these findings so I have to call it fake news.
” : “ If we rely entirely on mail-in ballots , this election will be a disaster.
” : “ Mail-in ballots are fine ; @ @ @ @ @ @ @ m just trying to disrupt the election in case I have to claim the results are fraudulent.
” : “ Vote twice .
Mail your ballot and then show up in person on voting day to show that the system is broken.
” : “ My polling numbers aren ’ t looking good so please help me screw up the election any way you can even if it means you ’ ll go to jail.
” : “ I love our military vets.
” : “ Except the losers and suckers who died.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ to drain the swamp.
” : “ I ’ m going to drain the U. S. Treasury for my personal benefit.
” : “ One day , it ’ s like a miracle .
It will disappear.
” : “ And believe me I know miracles .
After all , somehow I was elected President.
” : “ I ’ m going to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it.
” : “ Can you believe it ?
My idiot supporters just love this idea.
” : “ Unlike so many @ @ @ @ @ @ @ promises.
” : “ The only promise I will honor is to help myself first.
” : “ We ’ re going to cut taxes for the middle class.
” : “ That ’ s true only if you consider middle class to be over a million dollars in annual income.
” : “ I ’ ve felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic.
” : “ I didn ’ t have a clue ; I can barely spell pandemic.
” : “ I ’ ve done more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ possible exception of Lincoln.
” : “ The only Black people I ’ ve ever helped are Omarosa and Ben Carson.
” : “ I ’ ve said if Ivanka weren ’ t my daughter , perhaps I ’ d be dating her.
” : “ I ’ ve said if Ivanka weren ’ t my daughter , perhaps I ’ d be dating her .
”

The president does not always say what he means, hence the need for this special Trump Translator app!
For almost four years now, folks have been inundated with sound clips, speeches and tweets from Donald Trump. Given the wealth of communications from the President, one would think that his message is clear but sadly such is not the case.
The problem, it turns out, is that Mr. Trump does not always say what he means. In fact, more often than not, his meaning is entirely different from his statements. Hence the need for a special Trump Translator app to figure out what the man is really saying.
Here are just a few examples of what one can divine from the Trump Translator:
Donald Trump : “That’s a lie. It’s fake news.”
Trump Translator : “It’s 100% true. I can’t dispute these findings so I have to call it fake news.”
DT : “If we rely entirely on mail-in ballots, this election will be a disaster.”
TT : “Mail-in ballots are fine; even I use them. I’m just trying to disrupt the election in case I have to claim the results are fraudulent.”
DT : “Vote twice. Mail your ballot and then show up in person on voting day to show that the system is broken.”
TT : “My polling numbers aren’t looking good so please help me screw up the election any way you can even if it means you’ll go to jail.”
DT : “I love our military vets.”
TT : “Except the losers and suckers who died.”
DT : “I’m going to drain the swamp.”
TT : “I’m going to drain the U. S. Treasury for my personal benefit.”
DT : “One day, it’s like a miracle. It will disappear.”
TT : “And believe me I know miracles. After all, somehow I was elected President.”
DT : “I’m going to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it.”
TT : “Can you believe it? My idiot supporters just love this idea.”
DT : “Unlike so many who came before, I keep my promises.”
TT : “The only promise I will honor is to help myself first.”
DT : “We’re going to cut taxes for the middle class.”
TT : “That’s true only if you consider middle class to be over a million dollars in annual income.”
DT : “Make America great again.”
TT : “Make me wealthy again.”
DT : “I’ve felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic.”
TT : “I didn’t have a clue; I can barely spell pandemic.”
DT : “I’ve done more for Black people than anyone with the possible exception of Lincoln.”
TT : “The only Black people I’ve ever helped are Omarosa and Ben Carson.”


humortimes--2020-09-22--Step Right Up, Folks and Play the Political Sideshow Game

There ’ s a political sideshow sucker born every minute – don ’ t let it happen to you !
Come one , come all , to the political sideshow & see the orange creature found in a swamp .
In this pit is a living breathing human being that once was – well , a glob of protoplasm or slime , if you will !
Gather ’ round – you ’ re about to behold a sight so strange , so horrifying , so utterly monstrous – you ’ ll want to turn away – but can ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ – he ’ ll swear , he ’ ll swagger & he ’ ll smile like a…well , you know !
But , it ’ ll cost you 1 Vote ( & a little pittance for me ) & I ’ ll be on my way .
I ’ m what they call ‘ a Closer ’ & I don ’ t care who you vote for – just vote !
Rain , Snow , Sleet , Hangover , Covid Germs – there ’ s no excuse for not casting a ballot – @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ‘ Trump ’ s pulled worse things out of his butt ’ !
Come in a little closer & I ’ ll tell you a little secret .
Don ’ t be shy… Trump ’ s crude , rude & vicious !
Yes , now he says he ’ s gon na get vicious !
Eww… You heard him – he calls people names , forgets sh– , but remembers his enemies !
And , he can give an hour speech using only adjectives !
And , to the dismay of quite @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s immune to Covid – but yet , was a Super Spreader to 200,000 !
And , brags about it !
You see , it ’ s my obligation to tell you about the freaks of this world & we have ’ em all here… ’ Bessie the 2 Nosed Cow ’ , ‘ The Great Regurgitator ’ – even ‘ The Gargantuan Breast Lady ’ – that ’ s why I ’ m giving you a different pic !
ha ha Okay , the best I can do is this… @ @ @ @ @ @ @ There ’ s a sucker born every minute – don ’ t let it happen to you !

There’s a political sideshow sucker born every minute – don’t let it happen to you!
Come one, come all, to the political sideshow & see the orange creature found in a swamp. In this pit is a living breathing human being that once was – well, a glob of protoplasm or slime, if you will!
Gather ’round – you’re about to behold a sight so strange, so horrifying, so utterly monstrous – you’ll want to turn away – but can’t!
I’m here to say – he’ll swear, he’ll swagger & he’ll smile like a…well, you know!
But, it’ll cost you 1 Vote (& a little pittance for me) & I’ll be on my way. I’m what they call ‘a Closer’ & I don’t care who you vote for – just vote!
Rain, Snow, Sleet, Hangover, Covid Germs – there’s no excuse for not casting a ballot – even this president’s plumber said, ‘Trump’s pulled worse things out of his butt’!
Come in a little closer & I’ll tell you a little secret. Don’t be shy…
Trump’s crude, rude & vicious! Yes, now he says he’s gonna get vicious! Eww…
You heard him – he calls people names, forgets sh–, but remembers his enemies!
And, he can give an hour speech using only adjectives!
And, to the dismay of quite a few – he’s proven he’s immune to Covid – but yet, was a Super Spreader to 200,000!
And, brags about it!
You see, it’s my obligation to tell you about the freaks of this world & we have ’em all here…’Bessie the 2 Nosed Cow’, ‘The Great Regurgitator’ – even ‘The Gargantuan Breast Lady’ – that’s why I’m giving you a different pic! ha ha
Okay, the best I can do is this…
What do you want from me?
I give up!
This is a tough crowd!
There’s a sucker born every minute – don’t let it happen to you!
VOTE!


humortimes--2020-09-22--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Dunce Upon a Time

So you think you can dunce ?
Trump is like a breath of fresh err .
Those who only chase @ @ @ @ @ .
Ignorance doesn ’ t know what it doesn ’ t know , and is @ @ @ @ @ Trump only listens to “ yes ” men who don ’ t “ no ” @ @ @ @ @ way too much time with themselves .
Only a real asshole is this full of @ @ @ @ @ little boy who cried “ Fox !
” At least the laughing-stock market is at @ @ @ @ @ think Fox news would attract a lot more liberal viewers , if only they ’ @ @ @ @ @ Opinions are no substitute for facts .
Never follow those who are lost .
A @ @ @ @ @ to keep in the bathroom .
Just don ’ t run out of toilet paper @ @ @ @ @ t think of anything nice to say , go into politics .

So you think you can dunce?
Trump is like a breath of fresh err.
Those who only chase after money eventually catch hell.
Ignorance doesn’t know what it doesn’t know, and is damn proud of it!
Trump only listens to “yes” men who don’t “no” anything.
Self-centered people spend way too much time with themselves.
Only a real asshole is this full of shit!
Trump: The little boy who cried “Fox!”
At least the laughing-stock market is at an all-time high.
No shame nowadays, only shams.
Trump justice Barring the truth.
I think Fox news would attract a lot more liberal viewers, if only they’d add a laugh-track.
Opinions are no substitute for facts.
Climate change deniers are playing with fire.
Never follow those who are lost.
Non-violent protestors: Speak your peace.
A book of aphorisms is great to keep in the bathroom. Just don’t run out of toilet paper!
There’s a hidden security in obscurity.
If you can’t think of anything nice to say, go into politics.
Don’t love talking, talk loving!


humortimes--2020-09-22--Fury from Heaven: Justice Ginsburg Appeared on My iPad

Fury from Heaven : A Salute to the Spirit of Ruth Bader Ginsburg .
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was never one to give up and believed completely in the rule of law and a democratic society .
That ’ s what kept her sitting on the bench until the very end despite more than one battle with cancer .
Furthermore , as would be expected , she refused to give up the battle even after entering the pearly gates as this reporter learned in a vision from heaven that appeared on my iPad .
The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg stood before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ moral , ethical , and legal grounds as well as God ’ s own words from the Bible for why God should end Donald Trump ’ s tyrannical rule in order to save democracy and all that is right and just in America .
Her first witnesses were the children who died in custody after their removal from their parents , reminding the Son of God of his own words , “ Suffer the little children to come unto me.
” Perhaps , she pointed out ( tongue-in-cheek ) , given Trump ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of historical context , he believed this justified making children suffer .
Then she summoned Jeffrey Epstein from hell to testify about further sins against children .
Although he was a hostile witness , his attempts to lie had no chance against her wit and a God who is omniscient .
John McCain testified that it is possible to be a Republican and a person with ethics and integrity .
Eisenhower , recalling his role as Allied Commander on D Day , bristled as he reported that Trump as Commander-in-Chief was unaware of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of Normandy that he would call “ losers ” and “ suckers.
” Next she called Barbara Bush and the Blessed Mother , who both decried Trump ’ s treatment of women .
They were followed by a long line of witnesses who related stories of being cheated out of their just pay for work on Trump projects .
Kurds who were massacred after Trump withdrew their protection so he could stay in Erdogan ’ s favor spoke of their suffering .
Trump ’ s distraught Guardian Angel reported on all the secret @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump refused to record .
The Founding Fathers each testified to Trump ’ s repeated betrayal of the Constitution and his Oath of Office and the danger he poses to the very foundations of democracy .
Dante was then summoned to explain why Trump has earned a place in the lowest level of hell for his betrayal of democracy and the American people .
Lastly , Trump ’ s mother begged forgiveness for any part she contributed to his depraved development and lack of moral compass and empathy , which she is working @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ruth Bader Ginsburg ’ s closing argument included another quote from the Bible to show that Trump is the antithesis of Christ : “ You claim , ‘ I am the Way , the Truth , and the Life.
’ Trump has caused his followers to lose their Way .
He has ravaged the Truth with lie after lie , with calling the Truth ‘ fake news.
’ He is not the preserver of Life , but has brought Death to the people of the nation through encouraging hate crimes and allowing tens @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in order to maintain his false image .
He is the Golden Calf that must fall before a Just God .
”

Fury from Heaven: A Salute to the Spirit of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was never one to give up and believed completely in the rule of law and a democratic society. That’s what kept her sitting on the bench until the very end despite more than one battle with cancer. Furthermore, as would be expected, she refused to give up the battle even after entering the pearly gates as this reporter learned in a vision from heaven that appeared on my iPad.
The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg stood before God with a host of arguments on moral, ethical, and legal grounds as well as God’s own words from the Bible for why God should end Donald Trump’s tyrannical rule in order to save democracy and all that is right and just in America.
Her first witnesses were the children who died in custody after their removal from their parents, reminding the Son of God of his own words, “Suffer the little children to come unto me.” Perhaps, she pointed out (tongue-in-cheek), given Trump’s tendency toward literal meanings and lack of historical context, he believed this justified making children suffer.
Then she summoned Jeffrey Epstein from hell to testify about further sins against children. Although he was a hostile witness, his attempts to lie had no chance against her wit and a God who is omniscient.
John McCain testified that it is possible to be a Republican and a person with ethics and integrity. Eisenhower, recalling his role as Allied Commander on D Day, bristled as he reported that Trump as Commander-in-Chief was unaware of the bravery from soldiers on the shores of Normandy that he would call “losers” and “suckers.”
Next she called Barbara Bush and the Blessed Mother, who both decried Trump’s treatment of women. They were followed by a long line of witnesses who related stories of being cheated out of their just pay for work on Trump projects. Kurds who were massacred after Trump withdrew their protection so he could stay in Erdogan’s favor spoke of their suffering. Trump’s distraught Guardian Angel reported on all the secret dealings with Putin behind closed doors that Trump refused to record.
The Founding Fathers each testified to Trump’s repeated betrayal of the Constitution and his Oath of Office and the danger he poses to the very foundations of democracy. Dante was then summoned to explain why Trump has earned a place in the lowest level of hell for his betrayal of democracy and the American people. Lastly, Trump’s mother begged forgiveness for any part she contributed to his depraved development and lack of moral compass and empathy, which she is working off now in Purgatory.
The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s closing argument included another quote from the Bible to show that Trump is the antithesis of Christ: “You claim, ‘I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.’ Trump has caused his followers to lose their Way. He has ravaged the Truth with lie after lie, with calling the Truth ‘fake news.’ He is not the preserver of Life, but has brought Death to the people of the nation through encouraging hate crimes and allowing tens of thousands to die during the pandemic in order to maintain his false image. He is the Golden Calf that must fall before a Just God.”


humortimes--2020-09-24--Magazines That HAVE Endorsed Trump

Magazines That HAVE Endorsed Trump

Naturally , the lamestream media have ignored the many great magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate , Donald J. Trump .
In what some are calling a surprising move , the oldest continuously published magazine in the United States has , for the first time , endorsed a presidential candidate .
Typically , the lamestream media have given prominence to a leftwing , science-based periodical and completely ignored the many other magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate , Donald J. Trump .
Here are just a few of those publications : The wealth of conspiracy theories promoted by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Conspiracy Theory Digest give its full editorial support to a second term for Mr. Trump .
From “ Thugs on a plane ” to “ George Soros-funded antifa terrorists ” to “ Widespread voter fraud ” to “ Crazy coronavirus cures ” , Trump has done more than any other president , and possibly any other person , to fill the pages of this magazine which reportedly is now touting a new conspiracy theory – i.e .
– that Trump will serve for at least eight more years .
Porno Monthly is a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reports on pornography and the adult film industry .
Never before in its publishing history has this reputable journal endorsed a presidential candidate although it did come close in 1992 and 1996 when Bill Clinton was running .
However , despite Clinton ’ s much-deserved reputation , there was no evidence that he slept with any porn stars .
Such is not the case with the incumbent who has been connected with adult film star Stormy Daniels and Playmate of the Year Karen McDougal .
Based on his support for the industry , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would support him .
This new scientific journal has already established itself as one of the top publications in the field of virology .
Although its editorial board seldom agrees with President Trump ’ s pronouncements on COVID-19 , they greatly appreciate his efforts in making it the world ’ s most famous virus and their publication number one among virus-related periodicals .
But for the President ’ s lies , inactions and misrepresentations , it is doubtful that COVID-19 and the magazine would have achieved their current success and might well have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ weekly in America , Racist Weekly ’ s circulation numbers had declined markedly in recent years .
However , thanks to the efforts of Donald Trump , this periodical is once again enjoying widespread success .
The President ’ s tacit endorsement of white power groups and his frequent racial dog whistling have helped fill the pages of Racist Weekly and tripled its circulation .
It ’ s not surprising then that the editors have given full-throated , white-hooded support to Mr. Trump ’ s candidacy .
Although golf and the American presidency @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this golf-based magazine has , until now , never endorsed a presidential candidate .
Even given the frequent links play of previous presidents , Golf World had not deemed it necessary to throw its editorial support behind anyone .
With the ascension of Donald Trump , however , things have changed .
Not only does the President play golf , he also owns numerous golf courses and hotels and somehow manages to get the federal government to subsidize them .
Arguably he has done as much for golf as he has for skin @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s endorsement .
This oddball publication has historically enjoyed a fairly limited readership given its seemingly disjointed subject matters of hairpieces and beauty pageants and thus had foresworn presidential endorsements until the arrival of Donald Trump .
Mr. Trump is the first president and possibly the first person to combine the art of hair replacement with the ownership and exploitation of female beauty pageants .
Toupees & Tiaras now enjoys much increased circulation thanks to its wealth of articles on hairpieces , toupees and hair weaving coupled with titillating exposes of Mr. Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s therefore hardly surprising that Toupees & Tiaras has given an enthusiastic but somewhat cautious nod to the President .

Naturally, the lamestream media have ignored the many great magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate, Donald J. Trump.
“Scientific American backs Biden for its first presidential endorsement in 175 years” -- Washington Post headline, September 15, 2020
In what some are calling a surprising move, the oldest continuously published magazine in the United States has, for the first time, endorsed a presidential candidate. Typically, the lamestream media have given prominence to a leftwing, science-based periodical and completely ignored the many other magazines that have endorsed the incumbent candidate, Donald J. Trump. Here are just a few of those publications:
Conspiracy Theory Digest
The wealth of conspiracy theories promoted by the President made it almost imperative that Conspiracy Theory Digest give its full editorial support to a second term for Mr. Trump. From “Thugs on a plane” to “George Soros-funded antifa terrorists” to “Widespread voter fraud” to “Crazy coronavirus cures”, Trump has done more than any other president, and possibly any other person, to fill the pages of this magazine which reportedly is now touting a new conspiracy theory – i.e. – that Trump will serve for at least eight more years.
Porno Monthly
Porno Monthly is a prestigious news-based magazine that carries the latest reports on pornography and the adult film industry. Never before in its publishing history has this reputable journal endorsed a presidential candidate although it did come close in 1992 and 1996 when Bill Clinton was running. However, despite Clinton’s much-deserved reputation, there was no evidence that he slept with any porn stars. Such is not the case with the incumbent who has been connected with adult film star Stormy Daniels and Playmate of the Year Karen McDougal. Based on his support for the industry, it seemed only fair that the industry would support him.
COVID-19 Quarterly
This new scientific journal has already established itself as one of the top publications in the field of virology. Although its editorial board seldom agrees with President Trump’s pronouncements on COVID-19, they greatly appreciate his efforts in making it the world’s most famous virus and their publication number one among virus-related periodicals. But for the President’s lies, inactions and misrepresentations, it is doubtful that COVID-19 and the magazine would have achieved their current success and might well have disappeared.
Racist Weekly
Once considered the leading race-baiting weekly in America, Racist Weekly’s circulation numbers had declined markedly in recent years. However, thanks to the efforts of Donald Trump, this periodical is once again enjoying widespread success. The President’s tacit endorsement of white power groups and his frequent racial dog whistling have helped fill the pages of Racist Weekly and tripled its circulation. It’s not surprising then that the editors have given full-throated, white-hooded support to Mr. Trump’s candidacy.
Golf World
Although golf and the American presidency go together like guns and ammo, this golf-based magazine has, until now, never endorsed a presidential candidate. Even given the frequent links play of previous presidents, Golf World had not deemed it necessary to throw its editorial support behind anyone. With the ascension of Donald Trump, however, things have changed. Not only does the President play golf, he also owns numerous golf courses and hotels and somehow manages to get the federal government to subsidize them. Arguably he has done as much for golf as he has for skin bronzers and thus deserves Golf World’s endorsement.
Toupees & Tiaras
This oddball publication has historically enjoyed a fairly limited readership given its seemingly disjointed subject matters of hairpieces and beauty pageants and thus had foresworn presidential endorsements until the arrival of Donald Trump. Mr. Trump is the first president and possibly the first person to combine the art of hair replacement with the ownership and exploitation of female beauty pageants. Toupees & Tiaras now enjoys much increased circulation thanks to its wealth of articles on hairpieces, toupees and hair weaving coupled with titillating exposes of Mr. Trump’s beauty pageant shenanigans. It’s therefore hardly surprising that Toupees & Tiaras has given an enthusiastic but somewhat cautious nod to the President.