humortimes--2020-02-23--Movie Review: ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’

“ Portrait of a Lady on Fire ” — a film review by Gary Chew Céline Sciamma is a French film director just in to her forties and totally out as a lesbian .
Her fourth film , just opening locally in Sacramento , is called Portrait of a Lady on Fire .
It was well-received last year at Cannes and also got a Golden Globe nomination .
Sciamma has set her story near the end of 18th century on an isolated island of Brittany or Bretagne .
The main characters are Marianne ( Noémie Merlant ) and Héloise ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ artist being commissioned by a noble family , has come to paint a portrait of Héloise .
The painting will then be given to a well-off gentlemen of Milan .
Héloise ’ s mother is to present the work to her daughter ’ s prospective Italian husband as the initial step toward their tying of the knot .
But Héloise doesn ’ t want to be a wife .
She ’ s never met the Milanese man , having just been extricated… so to speak… from a convent .
Remember , Sciamma has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1700s .
A young woman ’ s input , then , as to what path her life might take was in the zilch zone .
Héloise is naïve , yet very perceptive .
Marianne brings Héloise to a more focused understanding of literature , reading to her the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice .
This conjures up a debate between them as to why Orpheus turns around to look at his wife , thus … losing her .
This works as a sort of ghostly conclusion to the picture that ’ s accompanied @ @ @ @ @ @ @ music heard earlier .
Marianne also gives the bride-to-be a striking example of how music , other than that heard from thunderous church organs played at Mass , affects human emotions .
Marianne , with little technique , plays a few measures of Vivaldi ’ s Four Seasons on a clunky harpsichord for Héloise , who even then inquires if Marianne “ has known love.
” Disguised as Héloise ’ s aide for walks on the beach , Marianne covertly makes sketches of her subject to use later in finishing the full portrait @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It ’ s along the rugged shoreline , surrounded by huge rock formations , where the women experience their first kiss together .
Although a bit of upper-torso nudity and artful suggestion is seen in the film , “ trash ” is not employed .
Héloise ’ s mother has taken a few days to be in Milan .
The Countess is soon to return to France expecting the completion of the portrait .
During this time , the younger women have fallen deeply in love and are greatly spirited by this new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Only Sophie ( Luàna Bajrami ) , the house maid , is aware of the blossomed relationship between Marianne and Héloise .
Sophie tells the other two she believes she ’ s pregnant by a local man .
This gives Sciamma ’ s script an opening to state the director ’ s position on the pro-choice/pro-life stand-off more common in the United States than in France and on the European Continent .
Again , no unsightliness is brought with the dilemma that Sophie faces .
Yet , the scene brings the sudden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bed where Sophie is being treated .
It plays as somewhat of a leavening effect Sciamma has staged to suggest the script is not anti-child in some sort of strange fashion .
It would be a good question to ask her .
Needless to say , conflict floods the final act .
Epithets are shouted , and tears are shed as Portrait grinds to a exceptionally moving finale .
If there was ever a movie that should not be spoiled by talking about how it concludes , it ’ s this one .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ were reading this story , in lieu of watching it , you really need to pay attention to what ’ s on page 28 .

“Portrait of a Lady on Fire” — a film review by Gary Chew
Céline Sciamma is a French film director just in to her forties and totally out as a lesbian. Her fourth film, just opening locally in Sacramento, is called Portrait of a Lady on Fire. It was well-received last year at Cannes and also got a Golden Globe nomination.
Sciamma has set her story near the end of 18th century on an isolated island of Brittany or Bretagne. The main characters are Marianne (Noémie Merlant) and Héloise (Adéle Haenel). Marianne, an artist being commissioned by a noble family, has come to paint a portrait of Héloise. The painting will then be given to a well-off gentlemen of Milan.
Héloise’s mother is to present the work to her daughter’s prospective Italian husband as the initial step toward their tying of the knot. But Héloise doesn’t want to be a wife. She’s never met the Milanese man, having just been extricated… so to speak… from a convent. Remember, Sciamma has drawn her audience back to the late 1700s. A young woman’s input, then, as to what path her life might take was in the zilch zone.
Héloise is naïve, yet very perceptive. Marianne brings Héloise to a more focused understanding of literature, reading to her the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. This conjures up a debate between them as to why Orpheus turns around to look at his wife, thus … losing her. This works as a sort of ghostly conclusion to the picture that’s accompanied on the soundtrack by a piece of music heard earlier.
Marianne also gives the bride-to-be a striking example of how music, other than that heard from thunderous church organs played at Mass, affects human emotions. Marianne, with little technique, plays a few measures of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons on a clunky harpsichord for Héloise, who even then inquires if Marianne “has known love.”
Disguised as Héloise’s aide for walks on the beach, Marianne covertly makes sketches of her subject to use later in finishing the full portrait in the privacy of her apartment. It’s along the rugged shoreline, surrounded by huge rock formations, where the women experience their first kiss together. Although a bit of upper-torso nudity and artful suggestion is seen in the film, “trash” is not employed.
Héloise’s mother has taken a few days to be in Milan. The Countess is soon to return to France expecting the completion of the portrait. During this time, the younger women have fallen deeply in love and are greatly spirited by this new adventure that’s come to be. Only Sophie (Luàna Bajrami), the house maid, is aware of the blossomed relationship between Marianne and Héloise.
Sophie tells the other two she believes she’s pregnant by a local man. This gives Sciamma’s script an opening to state the director’s position on the pro-choice/pro-life stand-off more common in the United States than in France and on the European Continent. Again, no unsightliness is brought with the dilemma that Sophie faces. Yet, the scene brings the sudden appearance of a small child on the bed where Sophie is being treated. It plays as somewhat of a leavening effect Sciamma has staged to suggest the script is not anti-child in some sort of strange fashion. It would be a good question to ask her.
Needless to say, conflict floods the final act. Epithets are shouted, and tears are shed as Portrait grinds to a exceptionally moving finale. If there was ever a movie that should not be spoiled by talking about how it concludes, it’s this one. Just a clue though: if you were reading this story, in lieu of watching it, you really need to pay attention to what’s on page 28.


humortimes--2020-02-23--The Art of Nothing: 25 Years of Mutts and the Art of Patrick McDonnell

Funnies Farrago presents a review of “ The Art of Nothing : 25 Years of Mutts and the Art of Patrick McDonnell.
” This book is a treat ( all 240 9×12-inch landscape pages , b/w and color ; 2019 Abrams Comic Arts hardcover , $ 40 ) .
The Art of Nothing will warm your heart to wander through it .
Part of it is reprint tome .
But while many daily and Sunday strips are floated by in this book , it isn ’ t just a reprint volume , although there are lots of Mutts strips in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ appear as weekly or monthly swatches as we are accustomed to finding in a reprint volume : here ’ s Monday through Saturday followed by a Sunday and then another Monday through Saturday .
Instead , the book ’ s emphasis is on “ the Art ” of Patrick McDonnell — his scribblings and doodles about his strip ’ s characters and the passing scene sometimes .
“ The art of nothing ” turns out to be about the mind of the cartoonist at play — examples , in other words , of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ paper 365 days a year .
And the search , as it unfolds herein , is as entertaining as the final result .
And there are also , as I said , lots of final results , many taken from the original art .
As befitting a commemorative tome like this , it includes the first Mutts strip , published September 5 , 1994 .
And it also includes some Zero-Zero strips , the predecessor in McDonnell ’ s mind before it took shape as Mutts .
Otherwise , I found no other @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we have McDonnell ’ s favorite strips .
Early on , McDonnell explains that he uses the Sunday strip title , or “ throwaway , ” panel to imitate famous paintings or drawings by others .
Not all newspapers print the opening panel ( hence the “ throwaway ” name ) , and those that don ’ t are depriving their readers of one of the sheer delights of Mutts .
McDonnell shows us the progression of some Sunday strips from pencil to pen to printed .
The book includes lots of rough @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” I ’ d call them ) .
We can see paste-overs : when some part of a drawing hasn ’ t suited him , he does it again , cuts it out and pastes it on the artwork in the appropriate place .
There is much truth observed herein .
We see such extracurricular art as posters , book covers and the like .
McDonnell ’ s explanation of his book is better than mine : “ Since I try to see the world through the eyes of animals , most Mutts @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cats , snow , rain , the moon , the ocean , and what all animals ( including us ) want : food , naps , and love .
And , because all art is personal , other themes explore the language of comics , the high art/low art discourse , the human-animal bond , the environment , animals rights , and spirituality .
“ Sprinkled through the book are examples of the search : sketchbook pages and the finished strips they inspired .
Sketches seem so alive to me , quickly capturing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in our heads and hearts on paper without any filters.
” Mooch the neighbor ’ s cat pretty soon joined the dog Earl in the strip : he “ snuck in on little cat feet ” McDonnell says , quoting Carl Sandburg ’ s “ Fog.
” His Sunday strips tell short stories , warm stories because they are humanity ’ s heart — something sweet but not cloying .
Anecdotes from his life as a cartoonist are similarly touching .
He tells of a big , gruff-looking biker who stood in line @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ While handing me the book to sign , he pulled up his short sleeve to show me , among the colorful skulls and demons on his skin , a tattoo of Earl and Mooch .
He had discovered them reading Mutts book collections in the waiting room of the doctor who helped cure him of his addictions .
Earl and Mooch never looked so good.
” On another page , McDonnell says “ comic strips and poetry ( especially haiku ) are kindred spirits .
They both aim to say a lot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a lot in the 25 years of Mutts .
He ’ s written and drawn 12 children ’ s books ( four of them New York Times bestsellers , one a Caldecott Honor winner ) , co-written two musicals ( “ The Gift of Nothing ” and “ Me … Jane ” ) , created six Public Service Announcement tv spots for the Shelter Pet Project ; designed a Mutts New Jersey Animals Friendly license plate ; co-written the screenplay for a feature-length animated Mutts movie with his brother Robert and , of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ poet Daniel Ladinsky to produce a book of poems illustrated with Mutts art .
Ladinsky wrote some poems based upon the Mutts gang .
The book opens with this poem : love is respecting the beings who can ’ t speak and treating them as if they could I just paged through the book , reading a bit here and there but not everything .
And already , I feel better .
Near here are a few of what made me feel better .

Funnies Farrago presents a review of “The Art of Nothing: 25 Years of Mutts and the Art of Patrick McDonnell.”
This book is a treat (all 240 9×12-inch landscape pages, b/w and color; 2019 Abrams Comic Arts hardcover, $40). The Art of Nothing will warm your heart to wander through it. Part of it is reprint tome. But while many daily and Sunday strips are floated by in this book, it isn’t just a reprint volume, although there are lots of Mutts strips in it.
And the strips do not appear as weekly or monthly swatches as we are accustomed to finding in a reprint volume: here’s Monday through Saturday followed by a Sunday and then another Monday through Saturday.
Instead, the book’s emphasis is on “the Art” of Patrick McDonnell — his scribblings and doodles about his strip’s characters and the passing scene sometimes. “The art of nothing” turns out to be about the mind of the cartoonist at play — examples, in other words, of the search for something to put on paper 365 days a year. And the search, as it unfolds herein, is as entertaining as the final result. And there are also, as I said, lots of final results, many taken from the original art.
As befitting a commemorative tome like this, it includes the first Mutts strip, published September 5, 1994. And it also includes some Zero-Zero strips, the predecessor in McDonnell’s mind before it took shape as Mutts. Otherwise, I found no other “historic” strips. Instead, we have McDonnell’s favorite strips.
Early on, McDonnell explains that he uses the Sunday strip title, or “throwaway,” panel to imitate famous paintings or drawings by others. Not all newspapers print the opening panel (hence the “throwaway” name), and those that don’t are depriving their readers of one of the sheer delights of Mutts.
McDonnell shows us the progression of some Sunday strips from pencil to pen to printed. The book includes lots of rough drawings and sketchbook pictures (“thinkings” I’d call them). We can see paste-overs: when some part of a drawing hasn’t suited him, he does it again, cuts it out and pastes it on the artwork in the appropriate place. There is much truth observed herein.
We see such extracurricular art as posters, book covers and the like.
McDonnell’s explanation of his book is better than mine: “Since I try to see the world through the eyes of animals, most Mutts themes are quite basic: dogs, cats, snow, rain, the moon, the ocean, and what all animals (including us) want: food, naps, and love. And, because all art is personal, other themes explore the language of comics, the high art/low art discourse, the human-animal bond, the environment, animals rights, and spirituality.
“Sprinkled through the book are examples of the search: sketchbook pages and the finished strips they inspired. Sketches seem so alive to me, quickly capturing a moment by putting what’s in our heads and hearts on paper without any filters.”
Mooch the neighbor’s cat pretty soon joined the dog Earl in the strip: he “snuck in on little cat feet” McDonnell says, quoting Carl Sandburg’s “Fog.”
His Sunday strips tell short stories, warm stories because they are humanity’s heart — something sweet but not cloying. Anecdotes from his life as a cartoonist are similarly touching.
He tells of a big, gruff-looking biker who stood in line to get his Mutts book signed. “While handing me the book to sign, he pulled up his short sleeve to show me, among the colorful skulls and demons on his skin, a tattoo of Earl and Mooch. He had discovered them reading Mutts book collections in the waiting room of the doctor who helped cure him of his addictions. Earl and Mooch never looked so good.”
On another page, McDonnell says “comic strips and poetry (especially haiku) are kindred spirits. They both aim to say a lot with a little.”
McDonnell has done a lot in the 25 years of Mutts. He’s written and drawn 12 children’s books (four of them New York Times bestsellers, one a Caldecott Honor winner), co-written two musicals (“The Gift of Nothing” and “Me … Jane”), created six Public Service Announcement tv spots for the Shelter Pet Project; designed a Mutts New Jersey Animals Friendly license plate; co-written the screenplay for a feature-length animated Mutts movie with his brother Robert and, of course, more.
He worked with poet Daniel Ladinsky to produce a book of poems illustrated with Mutts art. Ladinsky wrote some poems based upon the Mutts gang. The book opens with this poem:
love is respecting
the beings who can’t speak
and treating them
as if they
could
I just paged through the book, reading a bit here and there but not everything. And already, I feel better. Near here are a few of what made me feel better.


humortimes--2020-02-24--Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/24/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/24/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the dairy industry crashed the stage at a Bernie Sanders rally At first , they thought it might have been an attempt on Bernie ’ s life given his recent heart attack… “ Trump was merely sharing the gospel with that porn star , ” explains Jim Bakker That actually makes some sense , I guess that ’ s why it ’ s called , “ getting to know someone biblically.
” Protest signs against the Astros got confiscated by ballpark personnel who said signs weren ’ t allowed … Sounds like the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when it comes to stealing signs .
New poll : 83 % of African Americans say Trump is a racist The other 17 % mostly are made up of the voices in Kanye ’ s head .
YOU CAN ’ T BE SERIOUS ?
!
61 ?
!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
!
I guess it ’ s that time of the month when she has her ‘ Minstrel Cycle.
’ Damn , one of the rare times Buffett has to play ketchup .
Ironic for a guy who if Stormy ain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in a plane called , “ Air Force One Inch !
” Actually , 12 , if you count all of Snoop ’ s together as one .
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has bought David Geffen ’ s Benedict Canyon home for $ 165 million , setting a new record for Los Angeles And , if he had bought it on Amazon prime , he could ’ ve moved in , in two days .
Sy Sperling , founder of the Hair Club for Men , has died He was 77 , his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with John Mayer was “ great ” Because what John Mayer needed was a commercial endorsement… After job is eliminated , police chief strips down to underwear and walks home in snowstorm Allowing people to know whether that ’ s a gun or if he ’ s just glad to see them .
Iran said it built an impressive stealth fighter , but then we never saw it again

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Topless protesters against the dairy industry crashed the stage at a Bernie Sanders rally
At first, they thought it might have been an attempt on Bernie’s life given his recent heart attack…
“Trump was merely sharing the gospel with that porn star,” explains Jim Bakker
That actually makes some sense, I guess that’s why it’s called, “getting to know someone biblically.”
Protest signs against the Astros got confiscated by ballpark personnel who said signs weren’t allowed
… Sounds like the Astros just can’t help themselves when it comes to stealing signs.
New poll: 83% of African Americans say Trump is a racist
The other 17% mostly are made up of the voices in Kanye’s head.
Happy 61st birthday John McEnroe
YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS?! 61?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Megyn Kelly’s talking blackface again
I guess it’s that time of the month when she has her ‘Minstrel Cycle.’
Buffett’s Kraft-Heinz investment takes another blow
Damn, one of the rare times Buffett has to play ketchup.
Trump keeps calling Mike Bloomberg “Mini Mike.”
Ironic for a guy who if Stormy ain’t lying should be flying around in a plane called, “Air Force One Inch!”
L.A. County Dist. Atty. Jackie Lacey moves to wipe 66,000 marijuana convictions
Actually, 12, if you count all of Snoop’s together as one.
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has bought David Geffen’s Benedict Canyon home for $165 million, setting a new record for Los Angeles
And, if he had bought it on Amazon prime, he could’ve moved in, in two days.
Sy Sperling, founder of the Hair Club for Men, has died
He was 77, his hair 43.
Jessica Simpson says sex with John Mayer was “great”
Because what John Mayer needed was a commercial endorsement…
After job is eliminated, police chief strips down to underwear and walks home in snowstorm
Allowing people to know whether that’s a gun or if he’s just glad to see them.
Iran said it built an impressive stealth fighter, but then we never saw it again
… proving their point …


humortimes--2020-02-24--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: If I Didn’t Have a Brain I Wouldn’t Mind…

…and if I didn ’ t have a heart I wouldn ’ t care , either .
Trump is one @ @ @ @ @ My dictionary defines trumpery as “ anything showy but of little value.
” Scoundrels climb @ @ @ @ @ by wrong .
No whistleblow jobs aloud in this White House !
The scariest tweets @ @ @ @ @ Trump ” in the night .
A person who forever sits in judgment clearly can @ @ @ @ @ One thing all Americans should remember : You don ’ t have the freedom to @ @ @ @ @ s rights , and you don ’ t have the right to take away other @ @ @ @ @ The most obvious need of any child is apparent .
Democracy : Fighting for what @ @ @ @ @ onto what ’ s left .
You must choose between liberty and conformity , because @ @ @ @ @ both .
What do you call a compassionate conservative ?
Your imaginary friend .
There @ @ @ @ @ because there ’ s so much greed .
No more questions than answers .

…and if I didn’t have a heart I wouldn’t care, either.
Trump is one character with absolutely none.
My dictionary defines trumpery as “anything showy but of little value.”
Scoundrels climb the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
No whistleblow jobs aloud in this White House!
The scariest tweets are those that go “Trump” in the night.
A person who forever sits in judgment clearly can’t stand himself.
One thing all Americans should remember: You don’t have the freedom to take away other people’s rights, and you don’t have the right to take away other people’s freedom.
Keeping children in cages is outrageous!
The most obvious need of any child is apparent.
Eyes so sad I could cry.
Democracy: Fighting for what’s right while holding onto what’s left.
You must choose between liberty and conformity, because you can’t have both.
Police brutality justice wrong.
We can’t breathe, they can’t grieve.
What do you call a compassionate conservative? Your imaginary friend.
Republicans are econo-misers.
There’s so much need because there’s so much greed.
Curb your dogma.
No more questions than answers.


humortimes--2020-03-01--Mike Pence Plans Gigantic National Exorcism to Combat Coronavirus

The VP , in charge of the U.S. response to the “ Coronavirus ” is just a “ fancy liberal word for demonic possession , ” plans national exorcism “ as soon as we can get enough pigs together.
” Evangelical Pastors quickly line up in support : Rev .
Franklin Graham says driving out the virus demons with an exorcism “ will be a Trump miracle indeed !
” while Jim Bakker ’ s Ministries offer $ 45.00 strips of “ Jesus Bacon ” guaranteed to protect buyers from all demon viruses .
foreign and domestic .
Paula White @ @ @ @ @ @ @ simply demands that everyone sends her all their money .
WASHINGTON DC – Vice-President Mike Pence , Donald Trump ’ s Coronavirus Czar , said today that “ in practice , there is no difference between a virus and a demon .
It ’ s just a matter of terminology.
” He added : “ You can play around with words if you like , but so far as I ’ m concerned , Coronovirus is just a fake-news liberal term for Demonic Possession .
The Holy Bible tells us how to deal @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just shut up.
” Pence said that his Holy Plan to defend America included “ a gigantic national exorcism ” set for the early spring .
“ In one mighty stroke , ” he said , “ all the Coronavirus Demons will be driven into a troop of squealing pigs just like Jesus did with the Gadarene Swine .
Of course , this time I ’ ll be the Jesus.
” The ritual would take place on the shore so that the possessed porkers would have a sea to rush into .
Evangelical @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Men of God to welcome the Vice President ’ s initiative .
He said that in support his Holy Ministry would be offering worshipers commemorative strips of “ high-quality Canadian Jesus Bacon ” for only $ 45.00 each , $ 89.50 for two .
After a “ communion-like ingestion , ” purchasers would be inundated with “ tons of money ” and “ granted life-long immunity from all Demonic Viruses , foreign and domestic .
Postage and handling not included.
” The Reverend Franklin ( “ Please don ’ t call me Billy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the Coronavirus demons would be a “ spine-tingling ” fulfillment of the President ’ s “ amazing ” prediction that the Demons would eventually “ miraculously disappear.
” Franklin said he believed their evaporation would become known as Trump ’ s Third Miracle , after his amazing survival of the Mueller Report and the failed impeachment effort .

The VP, in charge of the U.S. response to the outbreak, says “Coronavirus” is just a “fancy liberal word for demonic possession,” plans national exorcism “as soon as we can get enough pigs together.”
Evangelical Pastors quickly line up in support: Rev. Franklin Graham says driving out the virus demons with an exorcism “will be a Trump miracle indeed!” while Jim Bakker’s Ministries offer $45.00 strips of “Jesus Bacon” guaranteed to protect buyers from all demon viruses. foreign and domestic. Paula White, Trump’s Spiritual Advisor, simply demands that everyone sends her all their money.
WASHINGTON DC – Vice-President Mike Pence, Donald Trump’s Coronavirus Czar, said today that “in practice, there is no difference between a virus and a demon. It’s just a matter of terminology.”
He added: “You can play around with words if you like, but so far as I’m concerned, Coronovirus is just a fake-news liberal term for Demonic Possession. The Holy Bible tells us how to deal with that. The so-called scientists can just shut up.”
Pence said that his Holy Plan to defend America included “a gigantic national exorcism” set for the early spring. “In one mighty stroke,” he said, “all the Coronavirus Demons will be driven into a troop of squealing pigs just like Jesus did with the Gadarene Swine. Of course, this time I’ll be the Jesus.” The ritual would take place on the shore so that the possessed porkers would have a sea to rush into.
Evangelical Pastor Jim Bakker was among the first Men of God to welcome the Vice President’s initiative. He said that in support his Holy Ministry would be offering worshipers commemorative strips of “high-quality Canadian Jesus Bacon” for only $45.00 each, $89.50 for two. After a “communion-like ingestion,” purchasers would be inundated with “tons of money” and “granted life-long immunity from all Demonic Viruses, foreign and domestic. Postage and handling not included.”
The Reverend Franklin (“Please don’t call me Billy”) Graham noted that driving out of the Coronavirus demons would be a “spine-tingling” fulfillment of the President’s “amazing” prediction that the Demons would eventually “miraculously disappear.” Franklin said he believed their evaporation would become known as Trump’s Third Miracle, after his amazing survival of the Mueller Report and the failed impeachment effort.


humortimes--2020-03-01--Trump Angry as Name Calling Comes Back to Bite Him

His name calling tactic is coming back to bite him right in his big ol ’ butt , as a new title emerges for the president : “ Titanic Trump.
” Yesterday afternoon sources in the White House leaked that Trump had one of the biggest meltdown tantrums ever seen in the Oval Office , once informed that name calling is something others can use against him .
It ’ s common knowledge that Trump takes great pleasure in indulging in elementary school level jabs at his critics and perceived enemies by creating juvenile-style names for them .
But when @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nickname made by someone else for him , all hell broke loose .
Trump appears to prefer alliteration , such as Shifty Schiff .
( However , when one of his staff pointed this out to him , she received a strong rebuke for accusing him of littering . )
His latest jab is at Mike Bloomberg , not only because he has the audacity to publicly criticize Trump , but even more offensive , to have substantially more money .
To add insult to injury , Bloomberg is spending his own millions @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fortune , something Trump can not publicly claim .
As a result , the only advantage Trump could find to use against Bloomberg was his own comparative hulking size , so he created the moniker : Mini Mike .
Trump took great pleasure referring to Bloomberg in this manner as often as possible , followed by a crooked , Cheshire cat grin .
That is , until the size issue was used to turn the tables on him .
An undisclosed source noting Trump ’ s obese barrel of a body in photos @ @ @ @ @ @ @ suit jacket or long coat could not hide his girth came up with a name for Trump in his alliterative style : Titanic Trump .
Unlike Trump ’ s appellations for others , however , this title had multiple levels of meaning , signaling not only his girth , but like the Titanic his predicted sinking , his clueless ignorance of dangers ( be it the corona virus or Kim Jung Un ) , and the unfortunate possibility of taking the whole country down with him when he sinks .
In an example @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the aide who passed on the note from the creator of his new nickname that explained all the levels of meaning , was not only fired , but physically ejected from the White House as Trump began his tirade .
Trump is sure that the culprit is one of “ the liberal Hollywood elites , ” so he has demanded that the FBI investigate and interview all of the cast of the movie Titanic .
He suspects Leonardo Di Caprio , in particular , but is having a hard time figuring out an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is overwrought , because Titanic is her favorite movie .
As she stood by with tears streaming down her face , Trump angrily shattered her DVD with a hammer , and forbade that she ever watch the movie again .
He is considering an Executive Order to keep Netflix , YouTube or any other outlet from streaming the movie .
Meanwhile , political cartoonists are sharpening their pencils to write Titanic Trump across a sinking ship .

His name calling tactic is coming back to bite him right in his big ol’ butt, as a new title emerges for the president: “Titanic Trump.”
Yesterday afternoon sources in the White House leaked that Trump had one of the biggest meltdown tantrums ever seen in the Oval Office, once informed that name calling is something others can use against him.
It’s common knowledge that Trump takes great pleasure in indulging in elementary school level jabs at his critics and perceived enemies by creating juvenile-style names for them. But when an aide informed him about a new nickname made by someone else for him, all hell broke loose.
Trump appears to prefer alliteration, such as Shifty Schiff. (However, when one of his staff pointed this out to him, she received a strong rebuke for accusing him of littering.) His latest jab is at Mike Bloomberg, not only because he has the audacity to publicly criticize Trump, but even more offensive, to have substantially more money. To add insult to injury, Bloomberg is spending his own millions on his campaign without it denting his fortune, something Trump cannot publicly claim.
As a result, the only advantage Trump could find to use against Bloomberg was his own comparative hulking size, so he created the moniker: Mini Mike. Trump took great pleasure referring to Bloomberg in this manner as often as possible, followed by a crooked, Cheshire cat grin. That is, until the size issue was used to turn the tables on him.
An undisclosed source noting Trump’s obese barrel of a body in photos of him golfing, where the open suit jacket or long coat could not hide his girth came up with a name for Trump in his alliterative style: Titanic Trump. Unlike Trump’s appellations for others, however, this title had multiple levels of meaning, signaling not only his girth, but like the Titanic his predicted sinking, his clueless ignorance of dangers (be it the corona virus or Kim Jung Un), and the unfortunate possibility of taking the whole country down with him when he sinks.
In an example of “kill the messenger,” the aide who passed on the note from the creator of his new nickname that explained all the levels of meaning, was not only fired, but physically ejected from the White House as Trump began his tirade.
Trump is sure that the culprit is one of “the liberal Hollywood elites,” so he has demanded that the FBI investigate and interview all of the cast of the movie Titanic. He suspects Leonardo Di Caprio, in particular, but is having a hard time figuring out an alliterative insult using his name.
Melania is overwrought, because Titanic is her favorite movie. As she stood by with tears streaming down her face, Trump angrily shattered her DVD with a hammer, and forbade that she ever watch the movie again. He is considering an Executive Order to keep Netflix, YouTube or any other outlet from streaming the movie. Meanwhile, political cartoonists are sharpening their pencils to write Titanic Trump across a sinking ship.


humortimes--2020-03-01--Famous Americans Who Colluded with the Russians and the Price They Paid

… we have a small favor to ask .
More and more people are reading the Humor Times , but advertising revenues for internet sites everywhere keep falling .
And unlike so many other websites , we have not put up a paywall -- we want to keep this much-loved ( and much-needed ! )
political humor free , if possible !
So you can see why we need to ask for your help .
The Humor Times ' unique content takes a lot of time and effort to produce ... but we do it because we believe uncompromising political @ @ @ @ @ @ @ days .
If everyone who reads and likes our website helps fund it , we can continue to help people laugh at the news , rather than cry about it !
For as little as $ 1 , you can support the Humor Times – and it only takes a minute .
Thank you !
Or , please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter via our Patreon Page , contributing a certain amount each month .
You can do it for as long or as short a time as you like .
It 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !

Presenting the infamous famous Americans who colluded with the Russians – and the price they paid!
Robert Hanssen – In a Supermax prison in solitary for the rest of his life for selling U.S. classified documents to the Russians. His is considered to be one of the worst breaches of U.S. intelligence ever.
Ronald Pelton – Sold American secrets to the Reds because of financial difficulties. Sentenced to three concurrent life sentences.
Harold James Nicholson – Former high level and trusted CIA employee who was recruited by the Soviet Intelligence officers. Sentenced to 23 years in a Supermax Prison.
Aldrich Ames – One of the most famous double agent cases in U.S. history Caused the death of at least 10 CIA operatives due to his spying. Life imprisonment.
John Anthony Walker – Life sentence for supplying vital code cards to the Soviets. Died in prison.
Ethel and Julius Rosenberg – Fried like Freedom Fries for selling nuclear secrets to the Russians.
Donald J. Trump – Becomes President of the United States.


humortimes--2020-03-02--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: With a Little Help From His ‘Friends’

Trump gets bought with a little help from his “ friends.
” Trump claims that the Mueller report totally exonerated him and he ’ s not wrong , he ’ s lying !
With the facts Putin perspective , Trump is a dupe of Russia .
Russians have gotten almost as good at dividing US with propaganda as Fox news .
For God ’ s sake , Republicans , your country ’ s under attack !
Wake-up and smell the borscht !
How would I describe this White House in two words or less ?
Calm .
Radical .
Power @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Be careful !
Russian spies keep their ears open overhear .
When it comes to national security , intelligence matters .
The coronavirus is so contagious financial markets all over the world have come down with it .
Tanks a lot , Wall Street , anD ow Jones , that really hurts !
A narrow mind , like a narrow road , can not accommodate much traffic .
I salute John Lewis : He fought it was important .
The best things in life are free , especially people .
To find happiness @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ What ’ s in it for me ?
” , but rather : “ What ’ s in me for it ?
”

Trump gets bought with a little help from his “friends.”
Trump claims that the Mueller report totally exonerated him and he’s not wrong, he’s lying!
With the facts Putin perspective, Trump is a dupe of Russia.
Americans beware: Putin’s PAC in town.
Russians have gotten almost as good at dividing US with propaganda as Fox news.
For God’s sake, Republicans, your country’s under attack! Wake-up and smell the borscht!
A gruesome twosome: Trump the Chump and Lootin’ Putin.
How would I describe this White House in two words or less? Calm. Radical.
Power is often sustained with blood money.
Be careful! Russian spies keep their ears open overhear.
When it comes to national security, intelligence matters.
Look hear, THINK!
The coronavirus is so contagious financial markets all over the world have come down with it.
Tanks a lot, Wall Street, anD ow Jones, that really hurts!
I sense Pence is dense.
A narrow mind, like a narrow road, cannot accommodate much traffic.
I salute John Lewis: He fought it was important.
The best things in life are free, especially people.
To find happiness in life don’t ask: “What’s in it for me?”, but rather: “What’s in me for it?”
Never doubt forever.


humortimes--2020-03-02--Excerpts from Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Presidents’

“ Pride and Presidents ” excerpts , as retold by Howard Zaharoff It is a truth universally acknowledged , at least among pols and party bosses , that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife or , if it ’ s in the billions , must desire to run for President .
However little known the feelings of such a man may be on his first entering a primary state , this truth is so well fixed in the minds of registered voters , that he is considered the Heir Apparent @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by himself .
“ My dear Mr. Bennet , ” said his lady to him one day , “ have you heard that Bloomberg is here at last ?
” Mr. Bennet replied that he had not .
“ But he is , ” returned she ; “ for Mr. Yang has just been here , and he complained to me all about it.
” “ Why , my dear , you must know .
Mr. Yang says that our primary is to be won by a septuagenarian of large fortune and modest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that he came down on Monday in an Uber Lux and was so much delighted with it , that he agreed with Mr. Perez immediately to run ; that he is to do an enormous ad buy before Super Tuesday ; and that some of his staff are to be here by the end of next week .
What a fine thing for our party !
” “ My dear Mr. Bennet , ” replied his wife , “ how can you be so tiresome !
You must know that if a Socialist @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the nomination , the Democrats will go down to sure defeat.
” “ Then I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy.
” “ I desire you will do no such thing .
Ms. Warren is not a bit better than the others ; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Gabbard , nor half so good-humoured as Biden , nor significantly more capitalist than Sanders .
But you are always giving her the preference.
” Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of sarcastic humour @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the experience of three-and-twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his voting record .
Her politics was less difficult to develop .
She was a woman of liberal leanings , little information , and an I ’ m With Her bumper sticker .
When she was discontented , she listened to Pod Save America or Wait Wait… Don ’ t Tell Me !
The business of her life was to get a Democrat elected President ; its solace was caucusing and CNN .
Mr. Bennet was among the earliest of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He had always intended to canvass for him , though to the last always assuring his wife that he should not ; and till the evening after he phone banked for MikeBloomberg2020 ( “ Mike will get it done !
” ) , she had no knowledge of it… Mr. Bloomberg was a fit 77-year-old of modest stature but high cholesterol ; he had a pleasant countenance albeit gruff , New York manners .
His daughters , Georgina and Emma , were fine women , philanthropic yet active on social media ; @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , soon drew the attention of the electorate with his over-the-top title , “ Global Head of Communications , Government Relations and Marketing for Bloomberg LLP ” and the report , which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance , that he had successfully managed Bloomberg ’ s three campaigns for Mayor .
Bloomberg himself was looked at with great admiration , till the awareness that he ’ d changed party affiliations from Democrat , to Republican , to Independent , and then back to Democrat gave a disgust which @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for he was discovered to be proud , and to support a soda tax .
And not all his large estates on the Upper East Side , London and Bermuda could save him from having defended stop-and-frisk… Mrs. Bennet was walking about the room , looking grave .
“ Mr .
Bennet , ” said she , “ are you out of your senses , to be voting for this man ?
He is rich , to be sure , and you may have more health care options than with Bernie .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Have you no other objection , ” said Mr. Bennet , “ than your belief that I would vote based solely on my pre-existing prostate condition and hemorrhoids ?
” “ None at all .
We all know him to be a proud , unpleasant sort of man ; but this would be nothing if you really liked his public option.
” … The loss of the primary made Mrs. Warren very dull for several days .
“ I often think , ” said she , “ that there is nothing so @ @ @ @ @ @ @ One seems so forlorn without 23andMe to back it up.
” … Amy Klobuchar was extremely indignant on the nomination of the Easterner ; and as she gave way to all the frankness of her Midwestern character , she sent him language so very abusive it reminded people of her treatment of her Senate staff .
But at length , by Elizabeth ’ s persuasion , he was prevailed to overlook the offense , seek budget reconciliation , and acknowledge , “ At least I don ’ t have to work for her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ further resistance , her resentment gave way , too , either to her affection for him , or her hope to become ambassador to Slovenia… The White House was now Georgina ’ s and Emma ’ s home ; and the attachment of the sisters was exactly what Bloomberg had hoped to see .
They had the highest opinion in the world of their father ; though at first they often listened with an astonishment bordering on alarm at the GOP ’ s lively , abusive manner of taunting him .
He , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ respect which almost overcame their affection , they now saw the object of tweet storms and obstructionist politics .
They began to comprehend that Republicans , and even Millennial Democrats , may take liberties with a President several decades their senior , especially if he ’ s a Jewish billionaire .

“Pride and Presidents” excerpts, as retold by Howard Zaharoff
Chapter 1
It is a truth universally acknowledged, at least among pols and party bosses, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife or, if it’s in the billions, must desire to run for President.
However little known the feelings of such a man may be on his first entering a primary state, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of registered voters, that he is considered the Heir Apparent even before formally announcing his candidacy… certainly by himself.
“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Bloomberg is here at last?” Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.
“But he is,” returned she; “for Mr. Yang has just been here, and he complained to me all about it.”
Mr. Bennet made no answer.
“Why, my dear, you must know. Mr. Yang says that our primary is to be won by a septuagenarian of large fortune and modest stature from the north of Manhattan; that he came down on Monday in an Uber Lux and was so much delighted with it, that he agreed with Mr. Perez immediately to run; that he is to do an enormous ad buy before Super Tuesday; and that some of his staff are to be here by the end of next week. What a fine thing for our party!”
“How so?”
“My dear Mr. Bennet,” replied his wife, “how can you be so tiresome! You must know that if a Socialist, even a Democratic Socialist, wins the nomination, the Democrats will go down to sure defeat.”
“Then I must throw in a good word for my little Lizzy.”
“I desire you will do no such thing. Ms. Warren is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure she is not half so handsome as Gabbard, nor half so good-humoured as Biden, nor significantly more capitalist than Sanders. But you are always giving her the preference.”
Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of sarcastic humour, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three-and-twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his voting record. Her politics was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of liberal leanings, little information, and an I’m With Her bumper sticker. When she was discontented, she listened to Pod Save America or Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! The business of her life was to get a Democrat elected President; its solace was caucusing and CNN.
Chapters 2 – 61
Mr. Bennet was among the earliest of those who waited on the former Mayor. He had always intended to canvass for him, though to the last always assuring his wife that he should not; and till the evening after he phone banked for MikeBloomberg2020 (“Mike will get it done!”), she had no knowledge of it…
Mr. Bloomberg was a fit 77-year-old of modest stature but high cholesterol; he had a pleasant countenance albeit gruff, New York manners. His daughters, Georgina and Emma, were fine women, philanthropic yet active on social media; but his campaign manager, Kevin Sheekey, soon drew the attention of the electorate with his over-the-top title, “Global Head of Communications, Government Relations and Marketing for Bloomberg LLP” and the report, which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance, that he had successfully managed Bloomberg’s three campaigns for Mayor.
Bloomberg himself was looked at with great admiration, till the awareness that he’d changed party affiliations from Democrat, to Republican, to Independent, and then back to Democrat gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud, and to support a soda tax. And not all his large estates on the Upper East Side, London and Bermuda could save him from having defended stop-and-frisk…
Mrs. Bennet was walking about the room, looking grave. “Mr. Bennet,” said she, “are you out of your senses, to be voting for this man? He is rich, to be sure, and you may have more health care options than with Bernie. But will they make you happy?”
“Have you no other objection,” said Mr. Bennet, “than your belief that I would vote based solely on my pre-existing prostate condition and hemorrhoids?”
“None at all. We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked his public option.”…
The loss of the primary made Mrs. Warren very dull for several days. “I often think,” said she, “that there is nothing so bad as pretending to be Cherokee. One seems so forlorn without 23andMe to back it up.”…
Amy Klobuchar was extremely indignant on the nomination of the Easterner; and as she gave way to all the frankness of her Midwestern character, she sent him language so very abusive it reminded people of her treatment of her Senate staff. But at length, by Elizabeth’s persuasion, he was prevailed to overlook the offense, seek budget reconciliation, and acknowledge, “At least I don’t have to work for her!” And, after a little further resistance, her resentment gave way, too, either to her affection for him, or her hope to become ambassador to Slovenia…
The White House was now Georgina’s and Emma’s home; and the attachment of the sisters was exactly what Bloomberg had hoped to see. They had the highest opinion in the world of their father; though at first they often listened with an astonishment bordering on alarm at the GOP’s lively, abusive manner of taunting him. He, who had always inspired in them a respect which almost overcame their affection, they now saw the object of tweet storms and obstructionist politics. They began to comprehend that Republicans, and even Millennial Democrats, may take liberties with a President several decades their senior, especially if he’s a Jewish billionaire.


humortimes--2020-03-04--Republicans and Democrats Discuss Candidates for President in the 21st Century

We sit in and listen in as Republicans and Democrats alternately discuss candidates and their electability .
Donald Trump is a real hoot !
He ’ ll say anything .
I love that guy .
Bernie Sanders used a salad fork to eat steak in 1972 .
He ’ s the least electable person in history .
Elizabeth Warren ’ s great grandmother wore rabbit fur to her senior prom .
I worry she ’ s not electable .
John McCain is a war hero and true patriot .
I love that guy .
Hillary Clinton ’ s stole her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she lived in Little Rock .
Is she even electable ?
Ted Cruz is such a fighter .
I love that guy .
Amy Klobuchar wore white after Labor Day all through her twenties .
She ’ ll never get elected .
George W. Bush would be a GREAT drinking buddy .
I love that guy .
Mayor Pete stands in the middle of the escalator even when he knows people are behind him .
He ’ s totally unelectable .
Jeb Bush has so much experience .
I love that guy .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ he gets a group message .
He can not possibly get elected .
Mike Pence is so freaking bizarre .
I love that guy .
Barack Obama ?
Dude has been seen in Mom jeans .
How could he ever get elected ?
This piece first published in The Satirist .

We sit in and listen in as Republicans and Democrats alternately discuss candidates and their electability.
Donald Trump is a real hoot! He’ll say anything. I love that guy.
Bernie Sanders used a salad fork to eat steak in 1972. He’s the least electable person in history.
Mitt Romney is insanely ethical. I love that guy.
Elizabeth Warren’s great grandmother wore rabbit fur to her senior prom. I worry she’s not electable.
John McCain is a war hero and true patriot. I love that guy.
Hillary Clinton stole her neighbor’s chocolate chip cookie recipe when she lived in Little Rock. Is she even electable?
Ted Cruz is such a fighter. I love that guy.
Amy Klobuchar wore white after Labor Day all through her twenties. She’ll never get elected.
George W. Bush would be a GREAT drinking buddy. I love that guy.
Mayor Pete stands in the middle of the escalator even when he knows people are behind him. He’s totally unelectable.
Jeb Bush has so much experience. I love that guy.
Michael Bloomberg hits reply all every time he gets a group message. He cannot possibly get elected.
Mike Pence is so freaking bizarre. I love that guy.
Barack Obama? Dude has been seen in Mom jeans. How could he ever get elected?
This piece first published in The Satirist.


humortimes--2020-03-04--Trump Flees Afghanistan, but US Still There

Trump is crowing that he ’ s negotiated an end to the ridiculously expensive and pointless military adventure in Afghanistan .
Only… he hasn ’ t .
It ’ s over .
Donald the Dealmaker says that he has ended America ’ s long nightmare in Afghanistan , finally terminating 18-plus years of grinding war ( the longest in U.S. history ) .
After more than 2,400 Americans killed ( another 20,000 wounded ) , more than 100,000 Afghan citizens killed ( countless more maimed ) and roughly $ 2 trillion wasted , Trump is crowing that he ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and pointless military adventure .
Only… he hasn ’ t .
His flimsy four-page document , signed with a group of Taliban officials on Feb. 29 , is not an end to hostilities and does not require disarmament or even a cease-fire .
It ’ s just a cynical , face-saving device so Trump can withdraw a few troops and then claim in his reelection campaign that he ’ s fulfilling his 2016 promise to end “ endless wars.
” This so-called Afghan peace accord merely asks Taliban warlords to agree to — @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in violence.
” There ’ s not even a clear statement on what constitutes a reduction or violence , much less any agreement on steps toward achieving real peace .
The deal is so weak that Trump ’ s secretary of state , Mike Pompeo , could muster nothing but weasel words to describe it .
“ We are now on the cusp of having an opportunity which may not succeed , ” he mumbled .
Taliban leaders , however , were not at all wishy-washy about signing , boldly staging a victory @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the event as “ a day of pride ” for their win over “ invader Americans.
” Few U.S. military leaders think the deal will stick , privately saying they doubt it ’ ll even survive until our November election .
Even as it was being signed , Pentagon chief Mark Esper emphasized that the U.S. “ would not hesitate to nullify the agreement ” and resume the war if the regional warlords act up , which some almost certainly will .
Oops… some already have .
The seven-day hiatus in hostilities promised @ @ @ @ @ @ @ violated just three days after it was signed !
On March 3 , the Taliban mounted 43 attacks on security checkpoints run by the U.S.-backed Afghan military , killing at least 25 of our allied soldiers .
This was followed the next day by our own drone attack on the Taliban fighters .
Embarrassingly , this sudden re-eruption of outright war came only a few hours after Trump bragged to reporters that he had telephoned the Taliban ’ s chief peace negotiator , who had assured him that Taliban leaders “ don ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it “ a very good talk.
” Talk aside , war is real , and it ’ s not ended by a presidential PR job .
Far from withdrawing from Afghanistan , Trump ’ s hoked-up agreement actually creates conditions for more U.S. involvement , including his concession to release 5,000 Taliban fighters from Afghan prisons , summarily reversing military gains that Americans and allies died to make .
Moreover , the deal extends U.S. entanglement by specifically committing our troops and taxpayers to continue backing and financing the weak Afghan military indefinitely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for and propping up this wobbly nation ’ s notoriously corrupt , deeply divided and hopelessly incompetent government .
In short , as usual in a Trump deal , this one is all about him — far from extricating the U.S. , it ’ s an escape clause written for his political advantage .
Meanwhile , back in the real world , the Taliban is an inordinately complex and perplexing collection of regional warlords who resist all central governmental authorities .
Not for nothing is this violent , inhospitable land of rural mountain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ empires.
” While its tribalism and religious fundamentalism are repressive and primitive , its people have repeatedly outfoxed and outlasted such “ conquering ” powers as imperial England and the Soviet Union .
In dealing with them , poor Donald is simply in over his head , and as we know , he doesn ’ t listen to advisors who might be smarter than he is about the treacherous nature of fighting the Taliban .
Indeed , while Trump referred to the guy he telephoned on March 3 as “ the leader of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not .
He ’ s Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar , who ’ s not an honored warrior but a career Taliban politician .
As pointed out by the CIA ’ s former chief of counterterrorism for Afghanistan , the mullah ’ s contingent of dealmakers “ are largely disconnected from and disrespected by the Taliban ’ s senior leadership.
” Perhaps that ’ s why our president ’ s negotiated peace deal lasted three days .
The larger lesson , though , is that brute military force by an outside power — whether @ @ @ @ @ @ @ — is not a path to victory , much less peace .
For years , even as former Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama , Trump and their political enablers ( generals , Congress and the media ) were bragging that they were bringing democracy to Afghanistan , they were jiving and outright lying .
As one strategic planner , Army Gen. Douglas Lute , admitted in 2015 , “ We didn ’ t know what we were doing.
” Tell that to the thousands who ’ ve died from the ignorance @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Trump is crowing that he’s negotiated an end to the ridiculously expensive and pointless military adventure in Afghanistan. Only… he hasn’t.
It’s over. Donald the Dealmaker says that he has ended America’s long nightmare in Afghanistan, finally terminating 18-plus years of grinding war (the longest in U.S. history). After more than 2,400 Americans killed (another 20,000 wounded), more than 100,000 Afghan citizens killed (countless more maimed) and roughly $2 trillion wasted, Trump is crowing that he’s negotiated an end to the ridiculously expensive and pointless military adventure.
Only… he hasn’t. His flimsy four-page document, signed with a group of Taliban officials on Feb. 29, is not an end to hostilities and does not require disarmament or even a cease-fire. It’s just a cynical, face-saving device so Trump can withdraw a few troops and then claim in his reelection campaign that he’s fulfilling his 2016 promise to end “endless wars.” This so-called Afghan peace accord merely asks Taliban warlords to agree to — get this — a seven-day “reduction in violence.” There’s not even a clear statement on what constitutes a reduction or violence, much less any agreement on steps toward achieving real peace.
The deal is so weak that Trump’s secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, could muster nothing but weasel words to describe it. “We are now on the cusp of having an opportunity which may not succeed,” he mumbled. Taliban leaders, however, were not at all wishy-washy about signing, boldly staging a victory parade just before the ceremony and hailing the event as “a day of pride” for their win over “invader Americans.” Few U.S. military leaders think the deal will stick, privately saying they doubt it’ll even survive until our November election. Even as it was being signed, Pentagon chief Mark Esper emphasized that the U.S. “would not hesitate to nullify the agreement” and resume the war if the regional warlords act up, which some almost certainly will.
Oops… some already have. The seven-day hiatus in hostilities promised by Trump’s peace ploy was violated just three days after it was signed! On March 3, the Taliban mounted 43 attacks on security checkpoints run by the U.S.-backed Afghan military, killing at least 25 of our allied soldiers. This was followed the next day by our own drone attack on the Taliban fighters. Embarrassingly, this sudden re-eruption of outright war came only a few hours after Trump bragged to reporters that he had telephoned the Taliban’s chief peace negotiator, who had assured him that Taliban leaders “don’t want violence.” Our wheeler-dealer-in-chief called it “a very good talk.”
Talk aside, war is real, and it’s not ended by a presidential PR job. Far from withdrawing from Afghanistan, Trump’s hoked-up agreement actually creates conditions for more U.S. involvement, including his concession to release 5,000 Taliban fighters from Afghan prisons, summarily reversing military gains that Americans and allies died to make. Moreover, the deal extends U.S. entanglement by specifically committing our troops and taxpayers to continue backing and financing the weak Afghan military indefinitely — while also pledging to continue paying for and propping up this wobbly nation’s notoriously corrupt, deeply divided and hopelessly incompetent government.
In short, as usual in a Trump deal, this one is all about him — far from extricating the U.S., it’s an escape clause written for his political advantage.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, the Taliban is an inordinately complex and perplexing collection of regional warlords who resist all central governmental authorities. Not for nothing is this violent, inhospitable land of rural mountain wilderness known as the “graveyard of empires.” While its tribalism and religious fundamentalism are repressive and primitive, its people have repeatedly outfoxed and outlasted such “conquering” powers as imperial England and the Soviet Union.
In dealing with them, poor Donald is simply in over his head, and as we know, he doesn’t listen to advisors who might be smarter than he is about the treacherous nature of fighting the Taliban. Indeed, while Trump referred to the guy he telephoned on March 3 as “the leader of the Taliban,” he’s not. He’s Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, who’s not an honored warrior but a career Taliban politician. As pointed out by the CIA’s former chief of counterterrorism for Afghanistan, the mullah’s contingent of dealmakers “are largely disconnected from and disrespected by the Taliban’s senior leadership.” Perhaps that’s why our president’s negotiated peace deal lasted three days.
The larger lesson, though, is that brute military force by an outside power — whether in Afghanistan, Vietnam or wherever next — is not a path to victory, much less peace. For years, even as former Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, Trump and their political enablers (generals, Congress and the media) were bragging that they were bringing democracy to Afghanistan, they were jiving and outright lying. As one strategic planner, Army Gen. Douglas Lute, admitted in 2015, “We didn’t know what we were doing.”
Tell that to the thousands who’ve died from the ignorance and lies of our so-called leaders.


humortimes--2020-03-06--Sure-Fire T-Shirt Slogan Ideas for the 2020 Election

Need 2020 slogan ideas ?
You ’ ve come to the right place .
What if the Dems had said “ A black man will never win the Presidency ” back in 2008 ?
Think Bernie .
You don ’ t have to be a liberal to think that Trump is a danger to the U.S .
The Swamp has refilled and is even murkier than ever .
You don ’ t have to be a Democrat to think that Trump is unfit for office .
You can get rid of Trump and still be an upstanding Republican .
In @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of one .
Why am I only allowed two political parties to choose from ?
You don ’ t have to be a socialist to support Bernie .
Vote Trump for a more arrogant , self centered , fascist America .
How can you be smart enough to earn billions , yet dumb enough to spend a lot of it on an election campaign ?
What is the difference between U.S. political campaigns and a circus ?
It is a lot cheaper to get into the circus .
The red baseball cap this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Bank Account Great Again !
’ So many candidates ; so many white people !
The political campaign this year raised America ’ s carbon footprint by double !
Maybe in this year ’ s election the Electoral College will again pull the Trump card… Trump never stopped campaigning since the 2016 election .
Actually it would have WARREN-ted there being a woman in the White House this time .
Is correct name the Electoral College or the Dictatorial College ?
They should include in the White House tour the basement rooms where @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into not running .

Need 2020 slogan ideas? You’ve come to the right place.
Slogan Ideas for the 2020 Election:
What if the Dems had said “A black man will never win the Presidency” back in 2008? Think Bernie.
You don’t have to be a liberal to think that Trump is a danger to the U.S.
The Swamp has refilled and is even murkier than ever.
You don’t have to be a Democrat to think that Trump is unfit for office.
You can get rid of Trump and still be an upstanding Republican. In fact, you would even be more of one.
Why am I only allowed two political parties to choose from?
You don’t have to be a socialist to support Bernie.
Vote Trump for a more arrogant, self centered, fascist America.
How can you be smart enough to earn billions, yet dumb enough to spend a lot of it on an election campaign?
Ready to get Berned, Trump?
What is the difference between U.S. political campaigns and a circus? It is a lot cheaper to get into the circus.
The red baseball cap this year will read — ‘Make My Bank Account Great Again!’
So many candidates; so many white people!
The political campaign this year raised America’s carbon footprint by double!
Maybe in this year’s election the Electoral College will again pull the Trump card…
Trump never stopped campaigning since the 2016 election.
Actually it would have WARREN-ted there being a woman in the White House this time.
End sex slavery in America — someone rescue Melania.
Is correct name the Electoral College or the Dictatorial College?
They should include in the White House tour the basement rooms where they torture possible Republicans candidates for President into not running.


humortimes--2020-03-10--Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/9/20

Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/9/20

Making fun of the headlines today , so you don ’ t have to The news doesn ’ t need to be complicated and confusing ; that ’ s what any new release from Microsoft is for .
And , as in the case with anything from Microsoft , to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over , remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon : Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule : barely pay attention and jump to conclusions .
So , here are some headlines today and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ White House is down to Biden , Bernie & Trump Meaning all future debates should be sponsored by ‘ The Bad Hair Club for Men.
’ 38 % of Americans won ’ t buy or drink Corona because they think it will give them the coronavirus They are also the same people who think a chocolate mousse is a big hairy animal with antlers covered in Nestle ’ s syrup !
Franklin Graham : “ I ’ m not a homophobe — I ’ m just trying to stop gays from going to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bring up the property value .
Mostly , so he could spend more time with his money .
Kendall Jenner got naked on Instagram for a futuristic selfie Really , if she truly wants us not to recognize her , she needs to put some clothes on .
So , that ’ s like what , 4 iPhones , a pair of iPads , and no service warranty ?
In fact , the sell-off was so bad , Moody ’ s said they ’ re thinking of changing their name from Moody ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Matt Gaetz wore a gas mask to a coronavirus vote , didn ’ t get the attention he was hoping for … .
and to add insult to injury , he also got voted off ‘ The Masked Singer.
’ Katy Perry collapses on American Idol after inhaling fumes from gas leak She ’ s OK , but no word if those gas fumes were caused by a leaky valve or craft services .
Consumer DNA-testing firms are closing up shop and cutting jobs … yeah , but , in fairness , it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t she have waited until Halloween if she was going to go out dressed like a condom ?
Which explains his rewritten hit .
‘ ’ Daylight Come and I Wan na Go Back to the Home.
” Don ’ t believe me ?
Google it !
Trump says his campaign rallies ‘ very safe ’ from coronavirus … and anything else that sounds kinda from Mexico…

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Race for the White House is down to Biden, Bernie & Trump
Meaning all future debates should be sponsored by ‘The Bad Hair Club for Men.’
38% of Americans won’t buy or drink Corona because they think it will give them the coronavirus
They are also the same people who think a chocolate mousse is a big hairy animal with antlers covered in Nestle’s syrup!
Franklin Graham: “I’m not a homophobe — I’m just trying to stop gays from going to hell”
… where they’ll bring up the property value.
Bloomberg drops out of Presidential race
Mostly, so he could spend more time with his money.
Kendall Jenner got naked on Instagram for a futuristic selfie
Really, if she truly wants us not to recognize her, she needs to put some clothes on.
Man dressed as woman allegedly steals $37K in iPhones, iPads
So, that’s like what, 4 iPhones, a pair of iPads, and no service warranty?
Stock prices tumble: Moody’s
In fact, the sell-off was so bad, Moody’s said they’re thinking of changing their name from Moody’s to ‘Totally Depressed.’
Rep. Matt Gaetz wore a gas mask to a coronavirus vote, didn’t get the attention he was hoping for
…. and to add insult to injury, he also got voted off ‘The Masked Singer.’
Katy Perry collapses on American Idol after inhaling fumes from gas leak
She’s OK, but no word if those gas fumes were caused by a leaky valve or craft services.
Consumer DNA-testing firms are closing up shop and cutting jobs
… yeah, but, in fairness, it’s all relative …
Kelly Clarkson wore a neck-to-toe latex outfit with platform boots
Shouldn’t she have waited until Halloween if she was going to go out dressed like a condom?
Harry Belafonte, icon & activist, turns 93
Which explains his rewritten hit. ‘’Daylight Come and I Wanna Go Back to the Home.”
Google cancels its annual conference due to coronavirus
Don’t believe me? Google it!
Trump says his campaign rallies ‘very safe’ from coronavirus
… and anything else that sounds kinda from Mexico…


humortimes--2020-03-10--This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Barr-King Dogmas

All dogs go to heaven, all dogmas go to hell!
Trump’s living on Barr-owed time.
We need law and order, not loss and orders.
Stonewalls belong in prison.
Trump: A great American suck-cesspool story.
Ooze swamp is it anyway?
Trump richly deserves financial scrutiny.
Warning: Smoking guns may be hazardous to your wealth.
Out go subpoenas, income taxes.
I hope Trump eventually gets his wallop.
Preda-tours end in jail.
Nostalgia: Looking at things backwardly.
The only thing one-percenters want to fix is the election.
It was “moderate” Democrats who argued that Trump couldn’t win.
Without enough change we become a stagnation.
Bernin’ love trumps cold-hearted hate every time!
Free education from student debt.
They say soaps are the best way to avoid the coronavirus, so stay home and watch ’em.
Life goes on… line.
Don’t Pence me in!


humortimes--2020-03-10--How Weird Is the Democratic Party Establishment?

Biden would be uniquely vulnerable to Trump this fall and lose the political future for Democrats and the Democratic Party establishment , though they don ’ t realize it .
Just when you thought this political year couldn ’ t get any weirder , along comes the entire Democratic Party establishment rushing en masse to the cliff ’ s edge , hurling itself headfirst into the presidential contest .
What has spurred this gaggle of political operatives , fat-cat donors and former presidential hopefuls is a collective impulse to unite behind the very worst candidate the party could possibly put @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s election : Joe Biden .
While practically everyone in the political swirl admits privately that the former vice president is pretty slow , awfully corporate and practically bent double with a bag full of very bad political positions he ’ s taken during his decades long career as a Washington insider , his establishment cohorts are now resurrecting his dormant campaign by ecstatically proclaiming that he ’ s a “ winner.
” When pressed , their main pitch for Biden is that he ’ s “ decent.
” Well , even @ @ @ @ @ @ @ something better than Donald ’ s in-your-face , gross-out indecency in a president , but every contender for the Democratic nomination met this minimal threshold of suitability ( and before the establishment hoists “ Gentle Joe ” onto a pedestal of decency , it might check with Anita Hill about his ugly political abuse of her ) .
A “ winner ” ?
How enthusiastic will seniors , low-income families and others be when they realize Biden has spent 30 years ( including during his vice presidency ) trying to cut spending for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , declaring : “ I meant Social Security as well ; I meant Medicare and Medicaid ; I meant veterans ’ benefits… I not only tried it once .
I tried it twice… a third time… a fourth time.
” Also , how excited will young voters be to find that kindly , old Joe has constantly backed efforts by big bankers to make it harder for students to get out from under the bankers ’ price-gouging loan payments ?
And how thrilled will hard-hit manufacturing workers be that Biden has been a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , wage-busting trade scams ?
At a time when big majorities are clearly sick and tired of business-as-usual politics and are demanding bold policies for grassroots progress , why would Democrats put up the poster boy of corporate-purchased , inside-the-beltway status quoism ?
Biden would be uniquely vulnerable to Trump this fall and lose the political future for Democrats by turning off voter turnout — especially among young people and others who feel abandoned by the establishment .
Cynically , the Democratic Party establishment and their moneyed and political elites have rushed to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s the best the party ’ s got but because of what he ’ s not : He ’ s not Sen. Bernie Sanders .
The party powers are ganging up on Bernie and , more specifically , ganging up in a political panic against the growing grassroots insurgency of young activists , women , Latinos , Asian Americans , working-class whites and others who ’ re fed up with the party ’ s same-old , same-old politics that ’ s knocking down the middle class and holding down the poor @ @ @ @ @ @ @ elites are colluding in a blatant power play to cut off this rising democratic majority inside the Democratic Party , pushing old Joe forward not because he has any appeal to those they ’ re trying to shut out but simply because he ’ s one of the inside clique — a trusty who ’ s no threat to the corporate order that ’ s suppressing America ’ s democratic possibilities .
Of course , they don ’ t have the integrity to say this .
Instead , they claim Sanders and his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ other ideas that “ scare ” voters — even most Democrats .
Hello .
In the 12 states where it was specifically polled in this election , that overdue reform has won handily , including getting 94.3 % “ Hell Yes ” support in the recent Democratic primary in my state of Texas !
Still , the money boys are pressing a Bernie Panic Button , saying he ’ s too hot , too progressive — too Democratic — to beat Trump .
The clueless plutocrat billionaire Mike Bloomberg ( who even stooped @ @ @ @ @ @ @ setting up a one-man super PAC to enthrone Biden as the nominee .
Yet , recent polls in key swing states , and in supposedly red states like Texas , confirm that the Vermont anti-establishment populist is the strongest candidate of all Democrats against Trump .
What if the people were to have a candidate in November who is not controlled by big campaign donors , who has the authenticity to stand unequivocally for what he believes in and who will fight the corporate powers — as former President Franklin Roosevelt once put @ @ @ @ @ @ @ its own people ” ?
It could be a landslide for progress .

Biden would be uniquely vulnerable to Trump this fall and lose the political future for Democrats and the Democratic Party establishment, though they don’t realize it.
Just when you thought this political year couldn’t get any weirder, along comes the entire Democratic Party establishment rushing en masse to the cliff’s edge, hurling itself headfirst into the presidential contest. What has spurred this gaggle of political operatives, fat-cat donors and former presidential hopefuls is a collective impulse to unite behind the very worst candidate the party could possibly put up against President Donald Trump in November’s election: Joe Biden.
While practically everyone in the political swirl admits privately that the former vice president is pretty slow, awfully corporate and practically bent double with a bag full of very bad political positions he’s taken during his decades long career as a Washington insider, his establishment cohorts are now resurrecting his dormant campaign by ecstatically proclaiming that he’s a “winner.”
When pressed, their main pitch for Biden is that he’s “decent.” Well, even Melania Trump would probably like to see something better than Donald’s in-your-face, gross-out indecency in a president, but every contender for the Democratic nomination met this minimal threshold of suitability (and before the establishment hoists “Gentle Joe” onto a pedestal of decency, it might check with Anita Hill about his ugly political abuse of her).
A “winner”? How enthusiastic will seniors, low-income families and others be when they realize Biden has spent 30 years (including during his vice presidency) trying to cut spending for the people’s crucial safety net, declaring: “I meant Social Security as well; I meant Medicare and Medicaid; I meant veterans’ benefits… I not only tried it once. I tried it twice… a third time… a fourth time.”
Also, how excited will young voters be to find that kindly, old Joe has constantly backed efforts by big bankers to make it harder for students to get out from under the bankers’ price-gouging loan payments? And how thrilled will hard-hit manufacturing workers be that Biden has been a constant cheerleader for NAFTA and other job-killing, wage-busting trade scams?
At a time when big majorities are clearly sick and tired of business-as-usual politics and are demanding bold policies for grassroots progress, why would Democrats put up the poster boy of corporate-purchased, inside-the-beltway status quoism? Biden would be uniquely vulnerable to Trump this fall and lose the political future for Democrats by turning off voter turnout — especially among young people and others who feel abandoned by the establishment.
Cynically, the Democratic Party establishment and their moneyed and political elites have rushed to hug up Joe Biden, not because he’s the best the party’s got but because of what he’s not: He’s not Sen. Bernie Sanders.
The party powers are ganging up on Bernie and, more specifically, ganging up in a political panic against the growing grassroots insurgency of young activists, women, Latinos, Asian Americans, working-class whites and others who’re fed up with the party’s same-old, same-old politics that’s knocking down the middle class and holding down the poor. Funded by the uber-rich, the elites are colluding in a blatant power play to cut off this rising democratic majority inside the Democratic Party, pushing old Joe forward not because he has any appeal to those they’re trying to shut out but simply because he’s one of the inside clique — a trusty who’s no threat to the corporate order that’s suppressing America’s democratic possibilities.
Of course, they don’t have the integrity to say this. Instead, they claim Sanders and his supporters are advocating free health care-for-all and other ideas that “scare” voters — even most Democrats. Hello. In the 12 states where it was specifically polled in this election, that overdue reform has won handily, including getting 94.3% “Hell Yes” support in the recent Democratic primary in my state of Texas!
Still, the money boys are pressing a Bernie Panic Button, saying he’s too hot, too progressive — too Democratic — to beat Trump. The clueless plutocrat billionaire Mike Bloomberg (who even stooped to calling Sanders a communist) is setting up a one-man super PAC to enthrone Biden as the nominee. Yet, recent polls in key swing states, and in supposedly red states like Texas, confirm that the Vermont anti-establishment populist is the strongest candidate of all Democrats against Trump.
What if the people were to have a candidate in November who is not controlled by big campaign donors, who has the authenticity to stand unequivocally for what he believes in and who will fight the corporate powers — as former President Franklin Roosevelt once put it, “to restore America to its own people”? It could be a landslide for progress.


humortimes--2020-03-12--Review: Comically Raging Politicians Take the Stage in ‘The Jerry Duncan Show’ in NYC!

The Jerry Duncan Show is a hit !
Not even the Coronavirus scare stopped people from coming to the shows this past week to hear from many infamous “ raging politicians.
” You won ’ t want to miss this show , based on the Humor Times column of the same name on this very website !
Come have a drink of wine on the house and be prepared to laugh for 90 minutes during the show ’ s final showcase week .
Dates and showtimes are listed below .
Check out the Broadway World review , reproduced below !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ City area , come to the show .
If you don ’ t , please tell everyone you know in the New York metropolitan area about it .
Inspired by this website ’ s regular column , “ The Jerry Duncan Show ” is a now a live theater production , playing now in NYC , featuring comically raging politicians interviewed on a “ talk radio show.
” Are you a fan of politics and the constant tension of these dueling sides — tension that is comparable to that of the Coronavirus ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ face while watching said raging politicians duke it out ?
Do you happen to revel in seeing these people brought to shame by an investigative radio host who [ in the meantime ] must endure ongoing visits from his deceased mother ?
Then you ’ re in luck !
If the current ( and future ) state of affairs is enough to drive you slightly bonkers , where else to go for some comic relief than the theater — specifically the 13th Street Repertory Theater , where The Jerry Duncan Show is doling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ West Village venue for two weeks only .
The Jerry Duncan Show is the result of a great collaboration between playwright Dean B. Kaner and Director Joe John Battista , who has already led many shows at the 13th Street Rep. to success .
Jerry Duncan draws its inspiration from the political humor magazine Humor Times , which urges its readers to put the current political situation in the perfect light : “ Don ’ t cry about the news , laugh about it !
” And that ’ s exactly what it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stage , bringing politicians ( with a surprise appearance by the Pope ) in all their misshapen glory to the general public .
Come for the political satire , offbeat characters and a glass of red wine , and stay for the realization that , no matter which side you ’ re on , no one in this race we call politics is perfect .
In fact , these candidates are quite the characters themselves , and now having found their stage , bring their antics forward and provide a bit of levity @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a plot that ’ s full of life but slightly out there , The Jerry Duncan Show maintains an impressive momentum as Jerry Duncan , host to a questionably popular radio show , interviews politicians of past and present ; “ interviews ” , though , may be too strong a word for what actually happens when they cross the line into Duncan territory .
From Donald Trump to Elizabeth Warren and Sarah Palin to Rudy Giuliani , nothing is off-limits as he grills his guests for answers to the most inappropriate of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thoughts .
Whereas many hosts practice discretion and professionalism , Jerry uses some hardcore tactics to provoke everything from foul language to Chelsea Clinton ‘ s and Ivanka Trump ‘ s blooming bond over a friendship bracelet .
With an intern who will do pretty much anything to impress his boss and a mother who pays him daily visits from the afterlife , The Jerry Duncan Show is quite the experience .
Whether the mere mention of the word “ politics ” leaves a bad taste in your mouth or you revel in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ any chance you get , this show is sure to delight .
Kaner ’ s show is not just comprised of multiple jibes at candidates who , in their own way , already do well in entertaining the general public ; it has a bit of layering to it that makes the audience question not only those who have ( and will potentially ) run the country , but also people on the other side of the equation ( or , in this case , the curtain ) — people like Jerry Duncan @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Saturday Night Live , where political leaders seem barely capable of running the show , Jerry is a pro at doing just that but is truly in no better shape .
Thirty-eight , single and living in a studio apartment strewn with beer cans , Jerry doesn ’ t take life too seriously ; not even seeing his mother from beyond the grave gives him any cause for concern .
Sort of existential in nature , this world of wacky politicians brings with it an equally wacky talk show host , making this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Is it meant for simple laughs , or is a commentary on the people these comically raging politicians seek to win the favor of ?
Is anyone actually in control of anything , or is it all just a show ?
Just putting a few thoughts out there and trying , like many , to view our world ’ s future in a more positive light .
Kudos to all those involved in bringing this production and colorful cast of characters to the stage .
Eric Tonken , Thami Moscovici , Paige Susan @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and Joe Battista round out this talented crew that brings The Jerry Duncan Show to the stage .
Behind the scenes are Wendy Tonken ( Assistant Artistic Director ) , John Phelps ( video ) , Lighting/Sound Designer and Stage Manager Marsh Shugart ( who always leaves his mark on a production with his skills in the booth ) , Everett Clark ( Production Assistant ) and Talar Manuelian ( crew member ) .
The Jerry Duncan Show , produced by Dean and Donna Kaner , began performances at the 13th Street Repertory @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Street ) on March 5th , and will continue through March 15th .
Tickets are available at Brown Paper Tickets or by calling ( 800 ) 838-3006 .
Remaining performances are March 12th , 13th and 14th @ 7:30 pm and March 15th at 4:00 pm .

Please note: The remaining shows have been cancelled, due to Coronavirus concerns. The producers hope to stage the play again when possible. The show did very well while it ran, though, so please enjoy the review…
The Jerry Duncan Show is a hit! Not even the Coronavirus scare stopped people from coming to the shows this past week to hear from many infamous “raging politicians.” You won’t want to miss this show, based on the Humor Times column of the same name on this very website!
Come have a drink of wine on the house and be prepared to laugh for 90 minutes during the show’s final showcase week. Dates and showtimes are listed below. Check out the Broadway World review, reproduced below!
If you live in the New York City area, come to the show. If you don’t, please tell everyone you know in the New York metropolitan area about it.
13th Street Repertory Theater • 50 W. 13th Street • New York City.
These shows have been cancelled:
Thursday, March 12th 7:30 pm
Friday, March 13th 7:30 pm
Saturday, March 14th 7:30 pm
Sunday, March 15th 4:00 pm
Inspired by this website’s regular column, “The Jerry Duncan Show” is a now a live theater production, playing now in NYC, featuring comically raging politicians interviewed on a “talk radio show.”
By Kristen Morale, Broadway World
Are you a fan of politics and the constant tension of these dueling sides — tension that is comparable to that of the Coronavirus? Are you tired of keeping a straight face while watching said raging politicians duke it out? Do you happen to revel in seeing these people brought to shame by an investigative radio host who [in the meantime] must endure ongoing visits from his deceased mother?
Then you’re in luck! If the current (and future) state of affairs is enough to drive you slightly bonkers, where else to go for some comic relief than the theater — specifically the 13th Street Repertory Theater, where The Jerry Duncan Show is doling out much needed laughs at the iconic West Village venue for two weeks only.
The Jerry Duncan Show is the result of a great collaboration between playwright Dean B. Kaner and Director Joe John Battista, who has already led many shows at the 13th Street Rep. to success. Jerry Duncan draws its inspiration from the political humor magazine Humor Times, which urges its readers to put the current political situation in the perfect light: “Don’t cry about the news, laugh about it!” And that’s exactly what it manages to do when transposed onto the stage, bringing politicians (with a surprise appearance by the Pope) in all their misshapen glory to the general public. Come for the political satire, offbeat characters and a glass of red wine, and stay for the realization that, no matter which side you’re on, no one in this race we call politics is perfect.
In fact, these candidates are quite the characters themselves, and now having found their stage, bring their antics forward and provide a bit of levity to an otherwise tense situation.
With a plot that’s full of life but slightly out there, The Jerry Duncan Show maintains an impressive momentum as Jerry Duncan, host to a questionably popular radio show, interviews politicians of past and present; “interviews”, though, may be too strong a word for what actually happens when they cross the line into Duncan territory. From Donald Trump to Elizabeth Warren and Sarah Palin to Rudy Giuliani, nothing is off-limits as he grills his guests for answers to the most inappropriate of questions… aka, everyone’s innermost thoughts. Whereas many hosts practice discretion and professionalism, Jerry uses some hardcore tactics to provoke everything from foul language to Chelsea Clinton‘s and Ivanka Trump‘s blooming bond over a friendship bracelet.
With an intern who will do pretty much anything to impress his boss and a mother who pays him daily visits from the afterlife, The Jerry Duncan Show is quite the experience. Whether the mere mention of the word “politics” leaves a bad taste in your mouth or you revel in the potential of a good political argument any chance you get, this show is sure to delight.
Kaner’s show is not just comprised of multiple jibes at candidates who, in their own way, already do well in entertaining the general public; it has a bit of layering to it that makes the audience question not only those who have (and will potentially) run the country, but also people on the other side of the equation (or, in this case, the curtain) — people like Jerry Duncan. In this topsy-turvy world a la Saturday Night Live, where political leaders seem barely capable of running the show, Jerry is a pro at doing just that but is truly in no better shape.
Thirty-eight, single and living in a studio apartment strewn with beer cans, Jerry doesn’t take life too seriously; not even seeing his mother from beyond the grave gives him any cause for concern. Sort of existential in nature, this world of wacky politicians brings with it an equally wacky talk show host, making this whole scenario both comical but questionable. Is it meant for simple laughs, or is a commentary on the people these comically raging politicians seek to win the favor of? Is anyone actually in control of anything, or is it all just a show?
Just putting a few thoughts out there and trying, like many, to view our world’s future in a more positive light.
Kudos to all those involved in bringing this production and colorful cast of characters to the stage. Eric Tonken, Thami Moscovici, Paige Susan Anderson, Michael Donato, Bobby Temple and Joe Battista round out this talented crew that brings The Jerry Duncan Show to the stage. Behind the scenes are Wendy Tonken (Assistant Artistic Director), John Phelps (video), Lighting/Sound Designer and Stage Manager Marsh Shugart (who always leaves his mark on a production with his skills in the booth), Everett Clark (Production Assistant) and Talar Manuelian (crew member).
The Jerry Duncan Show, produced by Dean and Donna Kaner, began performances at the 13th Street Repertory Theater (located at 50 West 13th Street) on March 5th.
Due to Coronavirus concerns, the remaining shows have been cancelled.


humortimes--2020-03-10--Trump’s Graceful Early Exit Plans: Top 11

Avoiding the shame of a low turnout in November & Joe Biden breathing down his neck, Trump plans an early exit while keeping his ego in check. Here are his next moves:
11. BECOME A SCIENTIST LIKE MY UNCLE!
10. STAR IN MY NEW TV SHOW, “HUNCH or Eat Someone’s Lunch”!
9. BUILD MY PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY AT THE MEXICAN BORDER! Cheaper, only need 3 more sides!
8. WASH OUT A FEW UNMENTIONABLES – 20’s & 50’s!
7. RETURN MELANIA TO SLOVENIA!
6. VISIT MY TIME SHARE IN MOSCOW!
5. SIT FOR MY PRESIDENTIAL PORTRAIT & remember, order more Orange & Puce!
4. SPACKLE-OVER 1st GRAFFITI ON MY WALL – “Bloomberg will pay for it”!
3. HIRE A MARACHI BAND FOR ‘Naming the Wall’ Celebration!
2. PROMOTE MY NEW GOLF LINE: ‘Donald Has Balls’!
And #1…
GET OVER MY FRIGIN’ CORONAVIRUS!