thespoof--2020-07-25--Trump Says He Told The Federal Troops to Fire Tear Gas and Rubber Bullets at The Peaceful Portland W

Trump Says He Told The Federal Troops to Fire Tear Gas and Rubber Bullets at The Peaceful Portland Wall of Moms

PORTLAND , Oregon ( Fake News ) – People all over the nation are saying that Trump ’ s latest ego-fit has shown that he doesn ’ t have a mother , or at least have any compassion for America ’ s mothers .
When Trump was told that a group of 600 Portland Moms , ranging in age from 24 to 101 , had formed a human barrier wall between federal troops and the peaceful anti-electoral college protesters , he became as mad as a canary with a sore throat .
He pouted like the spoiled man-brat that he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to kick their butts all the way back to their middle-class kitchens , where they should be in the first place .
He pointed out that if he doesn ’ t have time to golf , then they don ’ t have time to act as a Wall of Moms .
He then asked , “ What ’ s next ?
A Wall of Cousins , a Wall of Step-Sisters , or a Wall of Gay Uncles ?
Meanwhile , Trump ’ s head doctor , Dr. Yang Fu Fi has told the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to control his stress , before the dudes in white outfits come and take him away to Looneyville Hospital .

PORTLAND, Oregon (Fake News) – People all over the nation are saying that Trump’s latest ego-fit has shown that he doesn’t have a mother, or at least have any compassion for America’s mothers.
When Trump was told that a group of 600 Portland Moms, ranging in age from 24 to 101, had formed a human barrier wall between federal troops and the peaceful anti-electoral college protesters, he became as mad as a canary with a sore throat.
He pouted like the spoiled man-brat that he is, and gave presidential orders, to kick their butts all the way back to their middle-class kitchens, where they should be in the first place.
He pointed out that if he doesn’t have time to golf, then they don’t have time to act as a Wall of Moms. He then asked, “What’s next? A Wall of Cousins, a Wall of Step-Sisters, or a Wall of Gay Uncles?
Meanwhile, Trump’s head doctor, Dr. Yang Fu Fi has told the president once again, that he needs to control his stress, before the dudes in white outfits come and take him away to Looneyville Hospital.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Napoleon Trump's Final 100 Days

Napoleon Trump's Final 100 Days

Waterloo , Iowa .
Woof Blister reporting for SOP - Spoof on Politics .
The final 100 days of the Trump administration before the 2020 election begins today here in Waterloo , where it all began some three and a half years ago .
Trump is scheduled to address a massive rally , but with the virus erupting in this state , attendance is likely to be near nil .
Trump has stated forcefully that he will not stay in the U.S. if his opponent is declared the victor in a rigged election .
He has already built a Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , on the island of Elbe , most of which he already owns .
Air Force One is scheduled to fly him to Elbe on the Wednesday following the election , should he lose , as is expected .
What happens after Elbe is speculation .
One scenario has him returning before his term expires with intent to promote generals and admirals loyal to him , putting them in charge of all strategic military units needed to maintain himself in power after Jan.20 .
A second scenario involves his purchase of the island @ @ @ @ @ @ @ after the conservative Supreme Court refuses to uphold his claim to a second term , following Joe Biden 's victory .
He has already made a down payment on St. Helena using money intended for construction of his border wall .
He justified that with his belief that `` As president , I can do anything I want . ''
A final possibility is that Trump will resign as president the day after the election , advancing vice president Pence to the presidency , with the latter giving Trump a pardon for all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ presidency .
`` If Ford could do that for Nixon , so can Pence , '' Trump reportedly told aides .
Actually , Trump will have nearly 80 days remaining in his term when the 100 days expire on election day .
Napoleon did n't have that luxury .

Waterloo, Iowa. Woof Blister reporting for SOP - Spoof on Politics. The final 100 days of the Trump administration before the 2020 election begins today here in Waterloo, where it all began some three and a half years ago. Trump is scheduled to address a massive rally, but with the virus erupting in this state, attendance is likely to be near nil.
Trump has stated forcefully that he will not stay in the U.S. if his opponent is declared the victor in a rigged election. He has already built a Trump hotel, complete with 18-hole golf course, on the island of Elbe, most of which he already owns. Air Force One is scheduled to fly him to Elbe on the Wednesday following the election, should he lose, as is expected.
What happens after Elbe is speculation. One scenario has him returning before his term expires with intent to promote generals and admirals loyal to him, putting them in charge of all strategic military units needed to maintain himself in power after Jan.20.
A second scenario involves his purchase of the island of St. Helena as a permanent residence after the conservative Supreme Court refuses to uphold his claim to a second term, following Joe Biden's victory. He has already made a down payment on St. Helena using money intended for construction of his border wall. He justified that with his belief that "As president, I can do anything I want."
A final possibility is that Trump will resign as president the day after the election, advancing vice president Pence to the presidency, with the latter giving Trump a pardon for all possible crimes charged to him during his presidency. "If Ford could do that for Nixon, so can Pence," Trump reportedly told aides.
Actually, Trump will have nearly 80 days remaining in his term when the 100 days expire on election day. Napoleon didn't have that luxury.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Man ignorant of history bravely calls political opponents Nazis

UNITED STATES—The fate of the country lies in the citizens ' cooperation for the common good , and one man has made it his mission to unite everyone by calling his political opponents “ Nazis '' over the Internet .
The Internet allows this man to fight the good fight with a greater audience and a lower requirement of bravery than was ever possible in face-to-face interactions .
Some , however , have condemned the man 's approach as one akin to cyberbullying .
He says , “ Cyberbullying ?
No , I 'm just showing people the error of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that everyone should hate .
I 'm not doing anything unreasonable.
” Despite the fact the man ’ s political opponents stand for freedom of speech , freedom of religion , freedom to conduct business without government interference , equal individual rights for all races—all things that the Nazi regime condemned—he continues to use “ Nazi '' to refer to anything he believes is evil .
“ It really does n't matter what Nazism actually was , as long as people today know that ‘ Nazi ' means ‘ really bad , ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people will reject whatever I label as ‘ Nazi.
’ ” The fact that Trump was only talking about illegal immigrants who killed people or dealt drugs with his “ they 're not sending their best '' comment , or that he is not rounding up Latinos and putting them in camps , or that the border holding facilities are just a continuation of previous administrations ' policies , or that he has not used a single national crisis to increase his executive authority has no impact on this man 's mission to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a lack of understanding of what Nazism truly is , and of the full context of current events , this man is sowing community where before there was division .
“ In all my interactions with other people , the one thing I 've learned during my time on this earth is that when you call someone a literal embodiment of evil—or just a rude name , if you want to start slow—they always repent and agree with you , ” he said .
He says of the 2016 presidential election , “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Obviously , if we continue the same tactic of name-calling , all the people who supported Nazi-in-Chief Trump will come to their senses , apologize to people like me , and vote how we tell them to vote .
”

UNITED STATES—The fate of the country lies in the citizens' cooperation for the common good, and one man has made it his mission to unite everyone by calling his political opponents “Nazis" over the Internet.
The Internet allows this man to fight the good fight with a greater audience and a lower requirement of bravery than was ever possible in face-to-face interactions. Some, however, have condemned the man's approach as one akin to cyberbullying. He says, “Cyberbullying? No, I'm just showing people the error of their ways by calling them murderous racists that everyone should hate. I'm not doing anything unreasonable.”
Despite the fact the man’s political opponents stand for freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to conduct business without government interference, equal individual rights for all races—all things that the Nazi regime condemned—he continues to use “Nazi" to refer to anything he believes is evil. “It really doesn't matter what Nazism actually was, as long as people today know that ‘Nazi' means ‘really bad,’” he stated, “so then people will reject whatever I label as ‘Nazi.’” The fact that Trump was only talking about illegal immigrants who killed people or dealt drugs with his “they're not sending their best" comment, or that he is not rounding up Latinos and putting them in camps, or that the border holding facilities are just a continuation of previous administrations' policies, or that he has not used a single national crisis to increase his executive authority has no impact on this man's mission to equate Trump with Nazism.
Undeterred by a lack of understanding of what Nazism truly is, and of the full context of current events, this man is sowing community where before there was division. “In all my interactions with other people, the one thing I've learned during my time on this earth is that when you call someone a literal embodiment of evil—or just a rude name, if you want to start slow—they always repent and agree with you,” he said.
He says of the 2016 presidential election, “That was just a monumental outlier. Obviously, if we continue the same tactic of name-calling, all the people who supported Nazi-in-Chief Trump will come to their senses, apologize to people like me, and vote how we tell them to vote.”


thespoof--2020-07-20--President Trump Defended By Eminent Psychologist Over Lying

In a magazine interview which few will be able to believe , and not without a certain tinge of irony , an eminent psychologist has defended President Trump against claims that he is dishonest and deceitful , by offering a typically complex explanation of the problem .
`` Everything is open to each and every individual 's interpretation . ''
Trump has claimed , in the past , that he had never knowingly told a lie in his entire life .
In the German magazine article , Dr. Heinze said that , what is true to one person , seems @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gave an example .
`` If somebody asks Trump : 'President Trump , do you like McDonalds ? '
, and he says 'No ' , how is that a lie ? ''
When his interviewer said that it was well known that the President , in fact , like the occasional Big Mac , and had , many times , said so himself , Dr. Heinze replied : '' He could have been lying . ''
He went on : '' The truth is one thing to one person , and entirely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from the fact that , with regard to himself , he may have once liked McDonalds , but has now altered his opinion , the question , and the response , could be classed as 'vague ' .
Does he like McDonalds ?
Yes , sometimes .
No , not always .
See ?
Two answers , both true , at one point or another , and , infuriatingly , also false . ''
`` Have you heard of 'exaggeration ' ?
Maybe the truth gets stretched a little .
Sometimes , we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ' or 'no ' responses would not be appropriate .
Often , we reply according to information we have learned from seemingly trustworthy sources , which , subsequently , turn out to have been untrustworthy sources , and the information inaccurate . ''
`` It may be that , whilst giving an answer that he believes to be true , he gives a lot of answers that listeners believe to be lies , but when analyzed , may contain truth , or even small segments of truths , which , when put together @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like it . ''
Meanwhile , at the White House , President Trump continued telling fibs

In a magazine interview which few will be able to believe, and not without a certain tinge of irony, an eminent psychologist has defended President Trump against claims that he is dishonest and deceitful, by offering a typically complex explanation of the problem.
Dr. Siegfried Heinze, of Nuremberg University, said:
"Everything is open to each and every individual's interpretation."
Trump has claimed, in the past, that he had never knowingly told a lie in his entire life.
In the German magazine article, Dr. Heinze said that, what is true to one person, seems like a lie to another.
He gave an example.
"If somebody asks Trump: 'President Trump, do you like McDonalds?', and he says 'No', how is that a lie?"
When his interviewer said that it was well known that the President did , in fact, like the occasional Big Mac, and had, many times, said so himself, Dr. Heinze replied:
"He could have been lying."
He went on:
"The truth is one thing to one person, and entirely something else to another. Quite apart from the fact that, with regard to himself, he may have once liked McDonalds, but has now altered his opinion, the question, and the response, could be classed as 'vague'. Does he like McDonalds? Yes, sometimes. No, not always. See? Two answers, both true, at one point or another, and, infuriatingly, also false."
Heinze went on:
"Have you heard of 'exaggeration'? Maybe the truth gets stretched a little. Sometimes, we get asked questions to which simple 'yes' or 'no' responses would not be appropriate. Often, we reply according to information we have learned from seemingly trustworthy sources, which, subsequently, turn out to have been untrustworthy sources, and the information inaccurate."
And, robotically on:
"It may be that, whilst giving an answer that he believes to be true, he gives a lot of answers that listeners believe to be lies, but when analyzed, may contain some truth, or even small segments of truths, which, when put together, equal the truth, or something like it."
Meanwhile, at the White House, President Trump continued telling fibs


thespoof--2020-07-27--NYT: “Biden’s Nose Better Able To Sniff Out Virus.”

BILLINGSGATE POST : A recent national poll taken by the NYT revealed that 90 percent of those responding said that @ @ @ @ @ to sniff out the Coronavirus .
In the semi-blind test , which was conducted by @ @ @ @ @ shown the snouts of both Biden and Trump , plus that of an anteater .
@ @ @ @ @ to identify which nose belonged to whom , and which one was the most likely @ @ @ @ @ .
Interestingly , 9 out of 10 correctly identified the snout of the anteater as @ @ @ @ @ sniff the virus out .
However , when asked which snout belonged to whom , @ @ @ @ @ most choosing Biden as the snoutee .
In a sidelight to the story , some @ @ @ @ @ recently had their hairdo sniffed by Biden , said that they were unable to identify @ @ @ @ @ shown in a lineup .
Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
I think you @ @ @ @ @ ”

BILLINGSGATE POST: A recent national poll taken by the NYT revealed that 90 percent of those responding said that Joe Biden was better equipped to sniff out the Coronavirus.
In the semi-blind test, which was conducted by the Times, individuals were shown the snouts of both Biden and Trump, plus that of an anteater. Then the respondent was asked to identify which nose belonged to whom, and which one was the most likely to sniff out COVID 19.
Interestingly, 9 out of 10 correctly identified the snout of the anteater as the one most likely to sniff the virus out. However, when asked which snout belonged to whom, confusion was evident, with most choosing Biden as the snoutee.
In a sidelight to the story, some of the ladies who had recently had their hairdo sniffed by Biden, said that they were unable to identify his proboscis when it was shown in a lineup.
Slim: “Maybe he was wearing a mask.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I think you sniffed out the problem.”


thespoof--2020-07-28--Snope's cat has coronary when given a copy of TheSpoof.com to fact check

Santa Cataliner , Californication - The SNOPES cat is recovering from a massive coronary event it suffered after its irascible owners tried to use pages from TheSpoof.com to train the cat to `` fact check '' .
The cat normally indicates that all facts are false when presented with any story that is not from CNN ( Cat News Network ) .
However , when given stories from TheSpoof.com to peruse , it suddenly began foaming at the mouth , flipped over on its back , clawed the air , soiled the kitchen counter on which it sleeps , peed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ balls , made frightening caterwauling noises , and started levitating till it was pressed against the ceiling .
`` This is normal behavior for the animal when reading any story not from CNN , '' quipped Mr. Snope .
`` However , the cat kept this up for 4 days straight till its heart gave out .
`` Then it just collapsed into a stinking pile of fur on our kitchen counter .
The vet told us it was a massive coronary .
Until the cat recovers , we 'll just use tea @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cat left us in his box . ''

Santa Cataliner, Californication - The SNOPES cat is recovering from a massive coronary event it suffered after its irascible owners tried to use pages from TheSpoof.com to train the cat to "fact check".
The cat normally indicates that all facts are false when presented with any story that is not from CNN (Cat News Network). However, when given stories from TheSpoof.com to peruse, it suddenly began foaming at the mouth, flipped over on its back, clawed the air, soiled the kitchen counter on which it sleeps, peed on its owners, threw up hair balls, made frightening caterwauling noises, and started levitating till it was pressed against the ceiling.
"This is normal behavior for the animal when reading any story not from CNN," quipped Mr. Snope. "However, the cat kept this up for 4 days straight till its heart gave out.
"Then it just collapsed into a stinking pile of fur on our kitchen counter. The vet told us it was a massive coronary. Until the cat recovers, we'll just use tea leaves and try to read whatever the cat left us in his box."


thespoof--2020-07-28--East German wall builders employed to fix Mexican Wall after tropical storm blew it away!

( UNEDITED ) Tropical Storm Hanna has caused a storm in Donald 's tea cup after it hit Southern Texas .
Hanna was quite mild compared to hurricanes that frequently blow in from the Gulf of Mexico .
However , parts of the Great Dividing Wall between them and Donald 's material paradise , or hell , got blown away !
Experts inspecting the wall advised the US government to stop using cheap laborers from South America where their expertise lies in building mud huts , and employ solid wall builders from somewhere else .
Trump 's wall building advisors @ @ @ @ @ @ @ low and behold , they found a solution .
Sadly the Chinese , who are expert wall builders declined the offer to repair Trump 's wall because of diplomatic and ideological differences regarding world trade , logical .
They then asked Scotland , who built Hadrian 's Wall many years ago , but the Scot wall builders were too busy planning a new version of Hadrian after Brexit , and it mattered not if Donald owns a golf course there !
Last not least , and in utter desperation , Donald rung up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knew of any ex-GDR wall builders still alive who worked for Stalin in Berlin ; Jackpot !
Angie allowed a gang of East German , ex-GDR wall builders to be released from the slammer in Magdeburg ; `` Gott sei Dank und niemals aufwiedersehen , '' she said .
They are now flying to Mexico to rebuild Donald 's wall , that will now have a 'MADE IN GERMANY ' stamp on it , meaning superb quality , a 200 year guarantee , and Hurricane resistant !
Donald is not so happy having @ @ @ @ @ @ @ German colleague for help , but money counts .
East Germans wall builders are cheaper than Chinese and certainly more reliable than illegals who put up the wall in the first place to stop their countrymen climbing over it from the wrong side !
He then chastised his advisors for not watching 'Breaking Bad ' instead of wasting time on Google , guess why ?

(UNEDITED) Tropical Storm Hanna has caused a storm in Donald's tea cup after it hit Southern Texas. Hanna was quite mild compared to hurricanes that frequently blow in from the Gulf of Mexico. However, parts of the Great Dividing Wall between them and Donald's material paradise, or hell, got blown away!
Experts inspecting the wall advised the US government to stop using cheap laborers from South America where their expertise lies in building mud huts, and employ solid wall builders from somewhere else.
Trump's wall building advisors googled global wall building expertise, and low and behold, they found a solution. Sadly the Chinese, who are expert wall builders declined the offer to repair Trump's wall because of diplomatic and ideological differences regarding world trade, logical.
They then asked Scotland, who built Hadrian's Wall many years ago, but the Scot wall builders were too busy planning a new version of Hadrian after Brexit, and it mattered not if Donald owns a golf course there!
Last not least, and in utter desperation, Donald rung up Angie Merkel to asked her if she knew of any ex-GDR wall builders still alive who worked for Stalin in Berlin; Jackpot! Angie allowed a gang of East German, ex-GDR wall builders to be released from the slammer in Magdeburg; "Gott sei Dank und niemals aufwiedersehen," she said.
They are now flying to Mexico to rebuild Donald's wall, that will now have a 'MADE IN GERMANY' stamp on it, meaning superb quality, a 200 year guarantee, and Hurricane resistant!
Donald is not so happy having to bow and beg to his not-so-loved German colleague for help, but money counts. East Germans wall builders are cheaper than Chinese and certainly more reliable than illegals who put up the wall in the first place to stop their countrymen climbing over it from the wrong side!
He then chastised his advisors for not watching 'Breaking Bad' instead of wasting time on Google, guess why?


thespoof--2020-07-28--Senator Lindsey Graham Denies That He’s Bi-Sexual

SENECA , South Carolina – ( Political Satire ) - The flamboyant rather peacockish senator from South Carolina has once again emphatically stated that he is not bisexual .
Lindsey Graham told a reporter with the iRumors News Agency that he gets asked this question about 4 or 7 times a day .
He noted that he has told everyone from CNN to Galavision , and Fox News to the Disney Channel that he is not now , nor has he ever been bi-gay .
Graham said that not only has he never been bi-sexual , he has hardly ever @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Brady as he revealed that , just because he has a girl ’ s name , he is still every bit as macho as Tom Brady , Justin Verlander , or LeBron James .
He then added that he knows that LeBron is black , but he ’ s just talking about muscles .
When asked why he has never had a girlfriend , Lindsey thought for a moment , then replied , “ Well , to be honest , and why wouldn ’ t I be , I guess I just never @ @ @ @ @ @ @ some hot , sexy nubile woman , who was just not as pretty as I am .
”

SENECA, South Carolina – (Political Satire) - The flamboyant rather peacockish senator from South Carolina has once again emphatically stated that he is not bisexual.
Lindsey Graham told a reporter with the iRumors News Agency that he gets asked this question about 4 or 7 times a day.
He noted that he has told everyone from CNN to Galavision, and Fox News to the Disney Channel that he is not now, nor has he ever been bi-gay.
Graham said that not only has he never been bi-sexual, he has hardly ever been sexual.
He giggled like Marsha Brady as he revealed that, just because he has a girl’s name, he is still every bit as macho as Tom Brady, Justin Verlander, or LeBron James.
He then added that he knows that LeBron is black, but he’s just talking about muscles.
When asked why he has never had a girlfriend, Lindsey thought for a moment, then replied, “Well, to be honest, and why wouldn’t I be, I guess I just never had the urge to snuggle up to some hot, sexy nubile woman, who was just not as pretty as I am.”


thespoof--2020-07-28--President Trump is Building a Wall Around the White House and He Said Mexico is Going to Pay For It

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Political Satire ) - The President has just informed the news media that he will continue with the construction on the big , beautiful , unclimbable wall that will encircle the White House .
Trump said that the wall will be built by the construction company that his sons Junior and Eric own .
The purpose of the wall is to keep out the anti-Electoral College protesters , looters , and basic angry-mobbers .
When reporters asked if his sons company building the wall was n't the quintessential definition of nepotism , he replied that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ helping out his two biggest boys .
The company , called The Great White Hunters Construction Company , had the lowest bid for the White House Wall construction at $ 517.9 million .
Eric informed their presidential daddy that the wall should be finished within 3 weeks and 8 days .
The President is extremely pleased , and he wants the American people not to worry about the cost , because he will get Mexico to pay for it .
POTUS promises that , this time , he will make sure that they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he will stop importing Mexico ’ s avocados , soccer balls , sombreros , and those cute little fighting bull piggy-banks .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Political Satire) - The President has just informed the news media that he will continue with the construction on the big, beautiful, unclimbable wall that will encircle the White House.
Trump said that the wall will be built by the construction company that his sons Junior and Eric own. The purpose of the wall is to keep out the anti-Electoral College protesters, looters, and basic angry-mobbers.
When reporters asked if his sons company building the wall wasn't the quintessential definition of nepotism, he replied that he calls it what it is: helping out his two biggest boys.
The company, called The Great White Hunters Construction Company, had the lowest bid for the White House Wall construction at $517.9 million.
Eric informed their presidential daddy that the wall should be finished within 3 weeks and 8 days.
The President is extremely pleased, and he wants the American people not to worry about the cost, because he will get Mexico to pay for it.
POTUS promises that, this time, he will make sure that they do pay for it, or else he will stop importing Mexico’s avocados, soccer balls, sombreros, and those cute little fighting bull piggy-banks.


thespoof--2020-07-28--President Trump Has Named Himself Head of The Board of Directors of the Electoral College

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Political Satire ) - Reports are that the president recently confided to his chief adviser , Kellyanne Conway , that he is going to be re-elected one way or another .
Conway reportedly replied that she was all ears .
He then told her that every poll in the United States shows him trailing Joe Biden anywhere from 12 to 47 points .
He noted that , even his own personal network , Fox News , has him behind Biden by 28 points .
Conway told him not to worry , because the American people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ most fantastic president since George “ The Apple Tree Chopper ” Washington .
The latest Fox News poll shows that 77 % of all Republican women truly believe that , if given half the chance , POTUS will most definitely try to grab a woman by her hooha .
Conway then asked him how he plans to get re-elected , since , right now , Elizabeth Warren is more likely to be crowed Miss Massachusetts .
Trump explained that he has just named himself to be the new head of the Electoral College @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and said , `` The heck with the six-foot distancing policy !
`` , and , at that point , he gave Kellyanne a huge GOP bear hug .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Political Satire) - Reports are that the president recently confided to his chief adviser, Kellyanne Conway, that he is going to be re-elected one way or another.
Conway reportedly replied that she was all ears. He then told her that every poll in the United States shows him trailing Joe Biden anywhere from 12 to 47 points.
He noted that, even his own personal network, Fox News, has him behind Biden by 28 points.
Conway told him not to worry, because the American people know that he is the best, most fantastic president since George “The Apple Tree Chopper” Washington.
The latest Fox News poll shows that 77% of all Republican women truly believe that, if given half the chance, POTUS will most definitely try to grab a woman by her hooha.
Conway then asked him how he plans to get re-elected, since, right now, Elizabeth Warren is more likely to be crowed Miss Massachusetts.
Trump explained that he has just named himself to be the new head of the Electoral College Board of Directors.
“Brilliant move, Donnie baby, I mean that’s fantastic, Mr. President, sir!”
Trump smiled, and said, "The heck with the six-foot distancing policy!", and, at that point, he gave Kellyanne a huge GOP bear hug.


thespoof--2020-07-29--Painting Shows President Trump And Boris Johnson May Have Been Separated At Birth

There 's no disputing it !
Whatever evidence anyone comes up with to the contrary , a recent portrait shows @ @ @ @ @ of a doubt , Donald Trump and Boris Johnson are identical twin brothers who must @ @ @ @ @ !
The portrait by Holland-based UK artist , Vince Vaughan Gough , can be seen @ @ @ @ @ done as a portrait of Prime Minister Johnson , but when Gough stood back to @ @ @ @ @ struck by how much it also resembled President Trump .
`` There 's a distinct @ @ @ @ @ their hair , their eyes , even the shapes of their bonces , not to @ @ @ @ @ are both complete and utter twats with a tendency for buffoonery . ''
But another @ @ @ @ @ of Lesson Painters & Decorators , said : '' Nah , they do n't look @ @ @ @ @ a crap painting ! ''

There's no disputing it! Whatever evidence anyone comes up with to the contrary, a recent portrait shows that, without the shadow of a doubt, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson are identical twin brothers who must have been separated at birth!
The portrait by Holland-based UK artist, Vince Vaughan Gough, can be seen above, and was originally done as a portrait of Prime Minister Johnson, but when Gough stood back to admire it, he was struck by how much it also resembled President Trump.
He said:
"There's a distinct likeness. Their build, their hair, their eyes, even the shapes of their bonces, not to mention the fact that they are both complete and utter twats with a tendency for buffoonery."
But another painter, John Lesson, of Lesson Painters & Decorators, said:
"Nah, they don't look alike. It's just a crap painting!"


thespoof--2020-07-29--President Trump’s Campaign is Illegally Funneling Millions to Two Women

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake News ) - Investigators with the Cosmos Illegal Doings Investigating Commission have stumbled upon what could possibly end up being one of the greatest money-laundering schemes since the days of Al Capone .
The CIDIC found that President Trump ’ s campaign committee has taken money that was donated by thousands of middle class members of his base , and funneled it to two well-known females .
Many Trump supporters , referred to as the 'commoners ' by Kellyanne Conway ’ s daughter , are presently unemployed and living day to day in small @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and even in barns .
The money trail leads right to the scarecrow-looking wife of Eric Trump , Lara Lulu Trump , and the big-haired girlfriend of Trump Junior , Kimberly “ Lips ” Guilfoyle .
Both women are emphatically denying any wrongdoing .
Lara said that she got the money from winning a $ 700,000 bet on the Super Bowl .
Kimberly , meanwhile , said that she got the $ 828,000 selling kisses at a country fair in Sioux City , Iowa .
The President is maintaining that he hardly @ @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - Investigators with the Cosmos Illegal Doings Investigating Commission have stumbled upon what could possibly end up being one of the greatest money-laundering schemes since the days of Al Capone.
The CIDIC found that President Trump’s campaign committee has taken money that was donated by thousands of middle class members of his base, and funneled it to two well-known females.
Many Trump supporters, referred to as the 'commoners' by Kellyanne Conway’s daughter, are presently unemployed and living day to day in small houses, trailers, rental storage units, and even in barns.
The money trail leads right to the scarecrow-looking wife of Eric Trump, Lara Lulu Trump, and the big-haired girlfriend of Trump Junior, Kimberly “Lips” Guilfoyle.
Both women are emphatically denying any wrongdoing. Lara said that she got the money from winning a $700,000 bet on the Super Bowl.
Kimberly, meanwhile, said that she got the $828,000 selling kisses at a country fair in Sioux City, Iowa.
The President is maintaining that he hardly knows either one of the bitches.


thespoof--2020-07-29--Two Al-Qaeda Operatives Caught Living in Trump Tower

NEW YORK CITY – ( Spoof News ) - The FBI has issued a statement that it has just apprehended two Al-Qaeda operatives , who were living on the 14th floor at Trump Tower .
The two have been identified as Muhammad al-Bibbity and Abu Moo Bagfatti .
Federal agents found $ 237,000 in one-dollar bills in their room , along with 70 or so photos of President Trump , Eric Trump , Melania Trump , Kimberly Guilfoyle , and Sofia Vergara .
The two men are presently sitting in a jail cell at the Manhattan Police Station , awaiting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ One of the men said that , if America is the land of the free , then why had they been apprehended , just because they have $ 237,000 in one-dollar bills .
One of the FBI agents reminded him that they also found blueprints to Fort Knox , a box containing 48 hand grenades , and two sex toys that they ’ re still trying to figure out what the hell they exactly do .
When President Trump found out about the two Al-Qaeda members , he instructed the FBI to ship @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Greyhound bus .

NEW YORK CITY – (Spoof News) - The FBI has issued a statement that it has just apprehended two Al-Qaeda operatives, who were living on the 14th floor at Trump Tower.
The two have been identified as Muhammad al-Bibbity and Abu Moo Bagfatti.
Federal agents found $237,000 in one-dollar bills in their room, along with 70 or so photos of President Trump, Eric Trump, Melania Trump, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Sofia Vergara.
The two men are presently sitting in a jail cell at the Manhattan Police Station, awaiting bail money from Kabul, Afghanistan.
One of the men said that, if America is the land of the free, then why had they been apprehended, just because they have $237,000 in one-dollar bills.
One of the FBI agents reminded him that they also found blueprints to Fort Knox, a box containing 48 hand grenades, and two sex toys that they’re still trying to figure out what the hell they exactly do.
When President Trump found out about the two Al-Qaeda members, he instructed the FBI to ship them back to Minneapolis on the next Greyhound bus.


thespoof--2020-07-29--Jeff Bezos announces he has finally killed Superman

Metropolis , Illinois .
This morning , from his mansion , billionaire , Jeff Bezos , has announced that the Man of Steel is no more .
Following a dramatic confrontation , the tech and retail CEO addressed the press in front of his slightly damaged mansion after some Amazon delivery drones dropped several bright green coated explosives .
“ For too long , this alien has ravaged this planet and my business affairs .
Now , I have proven that truth , justice , and the American way are no match for power , wealth , and a high @ @ @ @ @ @ @ past interview with local reporter , Clark Kent , ( who has been unavailable to comment on this report ) he stated the past few years have been taxing , as Superman has thwarted attempts by Bezos to own retail store Target , and replace all his employees with robots .
“ In recent years , Bezos has tried to kill Superman by manufacturing kindles made from kryptonite , blocking the sun with Blue Origin spaceships , and offering free Prime memberships to those who could give information on the hero ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ emit radioactive kryptonite waves through the Fire Phone , but failed because consumers were not as gullible to purchase the devices as Bezos was expecting.
” It is unclear when this rivalry started .
Some say his opposition to Superman began in Bezos ’ younger days , when he was living in the American Midwest .
Recently , experts state that the rivalry intensified when the Man of Tomorrow visited the billionaire , and accused him of profiting off customers ’ and employees ’ misfortune .
Legal consequences appear highly unlikely for the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s stance on the status of immigrants .
Once his press briefing concluded , Bezos ordered the Alexa attached to his warsuit armor to initiate the next phase .
At press time , Bezos for President ads have been released on social media platforms , while all the major drug companies have announced mergers with Whole Foods Market .
Meanwhile , The Washington Post has just published a lengthy editorial on the benefits of a monopoly , with the obituary of Earth ’ s greatest hero placed in the comics section .

Metropolis, Illinois. This morning, from his mansion, billionaire, Jeff Bezos, has announced that the Man of Steel is no more. Following a dramatic confrontation, the tech and retail CEO addressed the press in front of his slightly damaged mansion after some Amazon delivery drones dropped several bright green coated explosives.
“For too long, this alien has ravaged this planet and my business affairs. Now, I have proven that truth, justice, and the American way are no match for power, wealth, and a high arsenal of military-grade weapons.”
In a past interview with local reporter, Clark Kent, (who has been unavailable to comment on this report) he stated the past few years have been taxing, as Superman has thwarted attempts by Bezos to own retail store Target, and replace all his employees with robots.
“In recent years, Bezos has tried to kill Superman by manufacturing kindles made from kryptonite, blocking the sun with Blue Origin spaceships, and offering free Prime memberships to those who could give information on the hero’s whereabouts. Another attempt was made to emit radioactive kryptonite waves through the Fire Phone, but failed because consumers were not as gullible to purchase the devices as Bezos was expecting.”
It is unclear when this rivalry started. Some say his opposition to Superman began in Bezos’ younger days, when he was living in the American Midwest. Recently, experts state that the rivalry intensified when the Man of Tomorrow visited the billionaire, and accused him of profiting off customers’ and employees’ misfortune. Legal consequences appear highly unlikely for the tycoon, given the current administration’s stance on the status of immigrants. Once his press briefing concluded, Bezos ordered the Alexa attached to his warsuit armor to initiate the next phase. At press time, Bezos for President ads have been released on social media platforms, while all the major drug companies have announced mergers with Whole Foods Market. Meanwhile, The Washington Post has just published a lengthy editorial on the benefits of a monopoly, with the obituary of Earth’s greatest hero placed in the comics section.


thespoof--2020-07-29--China accuses CERN of treachery

China accuses CERN of treachery

Operators of the CERN project in Switzerland have been accused of treachery and espionage by Chinese Government officials .
The @ @ @ @ @ included secretly researching a weapon designed to eliminate vast areas of the People 's Republic @ @ @ @ @ for CERN denied all of the claims , and said Chinese officials were acting on @ @ @ @ @ .
They emphasised that the work carried out at CERN is for the general good @ @ @ @ @ previously accused CERN of spying on their Swiss embassy , and even poisoning their drinking @ @ @ @ @ developments in this chapter .

Operators of the CERN project in Switzerland have been accused of treachery and espionage by Chinese Government officials. The charges levelled at the project included secretly researching a weapon designed to eliminate vast areas of the People's Republic of China.
A spokesperson for CERN denied all of the claims, and said Chinese officials were acting on illusions of their own making. They emphasised that the work carried out at CERN is for the general good of humanity.
China has previously accused CERN of spying on their Swiss embassy, and even poisoning their drinking water. We await further developments in this chapter.


thespoof--2020-07-30--Trump: Delay The Election

Trump: Delay The Election

Nose diving in the polls , Trump 's plan for winning the election is to delay the 2020 Presidential election until 2024 .
However , being more realistic than her husband , Be Best has started packing .
Always poor in numbers , like 1 plus 1 = 2 , Trump is suggesting that the 2020 election be delayed until 2024 , saying that he 's talked to lots and lots of smart people , and also several scholars and judges , Editor ’ s note : Is he suggesting that scholars and judges are not smart people ?
Reply @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on his lack of communication skills .
Remember the SAT Exams fiasco , and he is n't scripted .
Now he tends to go directly to Mobspeak .
Anyway , to make a long story short , Trump doesn ’ t want to be dumped and kicked out of office .
Delaying the election for four years would be the only way to avoid public humiliation and being labeled : A Loser .
Apparently , like a Mississippi Riverboat , the wheel in his head is turning , thinking of ways to remain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
However , the wheel is n't turning to bring a halt to the coronavirus pandemic .
The most destructive pandemic ever to invade the United States .
Only plan : `` Send kids back to school . ''
But if Trump wants to have a photo op and hold a bible upside down across from the White House ?
Here 's the plan : Call in mounted police , the military in camouflage and helicopters to plow away peaceful protesters with tear gas , billy clubs , and rubber bullets .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and the US will have leadership again .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Nose diving in the polls, Trump's plan for winning the election is to delay the 2020 Presidential election until 2024. However, being more realistic than her husband, Be Best has started packing.
Always poor in numbers, like 1 plus 1 = 2, Trump is suggesting that the 2020 election be delayed until 2024, saying that he's talked to lots and lots of smart people, and also several scholars and judges,
Editor’s note: Is he suggesting that scholars and judges are not smart people?
Reply: Don’t get tripped up on his lack of communication skills. Remember the SAT Exams fiasco, and he isn't scripted. Now he tends to go directly to Mobspeak.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Trump doesn’t want to be dumped and kicked out of office. Delaying the election for four years would be the only way to avoid public humiliation and being labeled: A Loser.
Apparently, like a Mississippi Riverboat, the wheel in his head is turning, thinking of ways to remain in office for another disastrous four years. However, the wheel isn't turning to bring a halt to the coronavirus pandemic. The most destructive pandemic ever to invade the United States. Only plan: "Send kids back to school."
But if Trump wants to have a photo op and hold a bible upside down across from the White House? Here's the plan: Call in mounted police, the military in camouflage and helicopters to plow away peaceful protesters with tear gas, billy clubs, and rubber bullets.
The election is coming November 3, 2020, and the US will have leadership again.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-30--A North Korean Satellite Has Landed in a Kansas Cornfield

WICHITA , Kansas – ( Spoof News ) - A corn farmer , whose farm is located seven miles west of Wichita , has informed the local authorities about a strange-as-hell happening .
Max Wafer , 63 , told a reporter with Fox News , that as he was rotating the crops , he came upon a weird-looking contraption .
He described the weird-looking whatchamacallit , as being a cross between a soda vending machine and an ATM machine .
Wafer , said that he sic ’ d his two Rottweilers on the strange doohickey , like he does with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stray ostrich .
He pointed out that the dogs bit the hell out of the thingamabob , but it just laid there like a chicken that has just been poked by a rooster .
A deputy with the Wichita Police Department soon showed up and after taking 40 or more photos , was able to ascertain that the doodad was in fact a North Korean Satellite .
When asked how he could be so sure , he pointed to some writing on the bottom of the satellite which read , “ This is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Please Return to President Kim Jong-un .
”

WICHITA, Kansas – (Spoof News) - A corn farmer, whose farm is located seven miles west of Wichita, has informed the local authorities about a strange-as-hell happening.
Max Wafer, 63, told a reporter with Fox News, that as he was rotating the crops, he came upon a weird-looking contraption.
He described the weird-looking whatchamacallit, as being a cross between a soda vending machine and an ATM machine.
Wafer, said that he sic’d his two Rottweilers on the strange doohickey, like he does with possums, woodchucks, and an occasional stray ostrich.
He pointed out that the dogs bit the hell out of the thingamabob, but it just laid there like a chicken that has just been poked by a rooster.
A deputy with the Wichita Police Department soon showed up and after taking 40 or more photos, was able to ascertain that the doodad was in fact a North Korean Satellite.
When asked how he could be so sure, he pointed to some writing on the bottom of the satellite which read, “This is a North Korean Satellite. If Found, Please Return to President Kim Jong-un.”


thespoof--2020-07-30--Memorials Proposed for the Late President Trump

Washington , D. C. A contrite Woof Blister reporting for SOP - Spoof On Politics .
[ Dateline blurred , but probably some years from now . ]
Solely Exclusive to The Spoof .
This reporter , often a vocal and often inane critic of President Donald J. Trump , has surprisingly been allowed to see a proposed list of memorials planned to commemorate the legacy of the 45th president of these once again United States .
Here is a short list of the intended memorials : * Build a new public school , with taxpayer money , designated as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and promptly privatize it .
* As part of the renaming phobia , the General Grant tree will now be the President Trump sequoia ... and will be sold to a logging company .
* All national forests in California will be lumped into one big Donald Trump National Forest ... then thinned out by that same logging company to better manage the state 's fire-prone timber .
* Complete the Donald J. Trump Border Wall , from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific , by using funds currently allocated for housing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a statue of Trump holding Confederate and Union flags because `` there were good people on both sides . ''
* The building housing the U. S. Postal Service in D.C. will now be known as a `` Trump Tower '' as the USPS is virtually given to Jeff Bezos ' Amazon .
[ That might cause Trump to turn over in his sarcophagus . ]
* Inter Trump in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in memory of his unknown military service during the Vietnam War .
He also gets a posthumous @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Readers of The Spoof are encouraged to conjure up additional Trump Memorials .

Washington, D. C. A contrite Woof Blister reporting for SOP - Spoof On Politics. [Dateline blurred, but probably some years from now.] Solely Exclusive to The Spoof. This reporter, often a vocal and often inane critic of President Donald J. Trump, has surprisingly been allowed to see a proposed list of memorials planned to commemorate the legacy of the 45th president of these once again United States. Here is a short list of the intended memorials:
* Build a new public school, with taxpayer money, designated as the Donald J. Trump Leadership Academy...and promptly privatize it.
* As part of the renaming phobia, the General Grant tree will now be the President Trump sequoia... and will be sold to a logging company.
* All national forests in California will be lumped into one big Donald Trump National Forest... then thinned out by that same logging company to better manage the state's fire-prone timber.
* Complete the Donald J. Trump Border Wall, from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific, by using funds currently allocated for housing already crowded interned migrants.
* Erect a statue of Trump holding Confederate and Union flags because "there were good people on both sides."
* The building housing the U. S. Postal Service in D.C. will now be known as a "Trump Tower" as the USPS is virtually given to Jeff Bezos' Amazon. [That might cause Trump to turn over in his sarcophagus.]
* Inter Trump in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in memory of his unknown military service during the Vietnam War. He also gets a posthumous Purple Heart for that bonespur or whatever.
Readers of The Spoof are encouraged to conjure up additional Trump Memorials.


thespoof--2020-07-31--US Presidential Election To Be Held Early

News is just emerging from several sources in Washington that , in contrast to the proposals put forward by President @ @ @ @ @ 's presidential election might be delayed , it might be necessary to go to the @ @ @ @ @ next week .
Despite the fact that the notion of staging an organized event like @ @ @ @ @ in advance of its planned date is , it has to be said , unprecedented @ @ @ @ @ these two words could easily be used to describe everything that has happened since President @ @ @ @ @ ludicrosity seems almost fitting .
Mr. Trump had earlier said that the election should be @ @ @ @ @ when the Coronavirus has been brought under some kind of control .
Opposition to this @ @ @ @ @ many other senators from both parties saying they were keen for the vote to happen @ @ @ @ @ alive .

News is just emerging from several sources in Washington that, in contrast to the proposals put forward by President Donald Trump that this November's presidential election might be delayed, it might be necessary to go to the polls early.
Maybe even next week.
Despite the fact that the notion of staging an organized event like the 2020 Election three months in advance of its planned date is, it has to be said, unprecedented and even ludicrous, as these two words could easily be used to describe everything that has happened since President Trump's inauguration, more ludicrosity seems almost fitting.
Mr. Trump had earlier said that the election should be held over until a time when the Coronavirus has been brought under some kind of control.
Possibly until 2024.
Opposition to this came almost immediately, with many other senators from both parties saying they were keen for the vote to happen while there were still people alive.


thespoof--2020-07-31--Survey: 43% of People Working at Home for the Lockdown Left Out a Gallon of Milk in their Cubicle

A new Gallup Poll shows that 43 % of employees working from home for the Covid-19 lockdown left a gallon @ @ @ @ @ their desk back in the office .
The milk , with an average expiration date @ @ @ @ @ just starting to go bad .
In addition , 27 % of at-home employees left @ @ @ @ @ printer , and 36 % said that they left confidential information on meeting-room whiteboards .
@ @ @ @ @ the same time as Bring Your Child to Work week , 3 % of respondents @ @ @ @ @ children in the office .
If you happen to be in the office , could @ @ @ @ @ back in the fridge .

A new Gallup Poll shows that 43% of employees working from home for the Covid-19 lockdown left a gallon of milk sitting out on their desk back in the office.
The milk, with an average expiration date of March 28, is just starting to go bad. In addition, 27% of at-home employees left their NCAA Brackets at the printer, and 36% said that they left confidential information on meeting-room whiteboards. As the lockdown started at the same time as Bring Your Child to Work week, 3% of respondents stated that they left small children in the office.
If you happen to be in the office, could you please put the milk back in the fridge.


thespoof--2020-07-31--A federal judge has dismissed President’s Trump law suit challenging the result of the future Novemb

A federal judge has dismissed President’s Trump law suit challenging the result of the future November election

The US President petitioned the court to reject the outcome of the election if he loses , on the ground that any result which does not see him re-elected “ must be fraudulent ” .
Trump ’ s lawyer , Rudy Guilliani , argued that the November 2020 election will be the most important in America ’ s history because it could either see a legitimate Trump administration or a totally illegitimate Democrat take the White House .
Expert witnesses gave evidence by Skype , including “ Honest Vlad ” , also known as President Putin of Russia , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ leader of North Korea , who both emphasized that Donald Trump is a man they can work with and would like to see in the White House .
Guilliani asked the court if it really wanted a return to “ big state ” politics , with taxpayers ’ money helping people in need and restrictions on the right to shoot coloured trespassers .
Supporters whooped and cheered , while Democrat Nancy Pelosi angrily shook her head .
After hearing the motion , Judge J. Morgan the Third said “ Bollocks , motion dismissed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his table , got up and walked out .
Trump ’ s lawyers said they are carefully reading the judgment for grounds of appeal .

The US President petitioned the court to reject the outcome of the election if he loses, on the ground that any result which does not see him re-elected “must be fraudulent”.
Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Guilliani, argued that the November 2020 election will be the most important in America’s history because it could either see a legitimate Trump administration or a totally illegitimate Democrat take the White House.
Expert witnesses gave evidence by Skype, including “Honest Vlad”, also known as President Putin of Russia, and “Concerned Citizen Kim”, the leader of North Korea, who both emphasized that Donald Trump is a man they can work with and would like to see in the White House.
Guilliani asked the court if it really wanted a return to “big state” politics, with taxpayers’ money helping people in need and restrictions on the right to shoot coloured trespassers. Supporters whooped and cheered, while Democrat Nancy Pelosi angrily shook her head.
After hearing the motion, Judge J. Morgan the Third said “Bollocks, motion dismissed”, banged his gavel hard on his table, got up and walked out.
Trump’s lawyers said they are carefully reading the judgment for grounds of appeal.


thespoof--2020-07-31--Kellyanne Conway’s Anti-Trump Daughter is Back and With a Vengeance!

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake News ) - The president ’ s chief counsel and head adviser has just learned that her daughter , Claudia , is back attacking DJT with an unrelenting vengeance .
Young Claudia recently had her cell phone taken away by her mommy , because she was hitting POTUS with everything but the kitchen sink .
CNN 's Anderson Cooper reported that , within 48 hours , FedEx had delivered 119 cell phones addressed to Claudia from all over the country .
Howard Stern has called Miss Claudia , the female teenage version of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the president has clearly shown that he is one of those types of insecure , hate-filled punks , who love to dish it out , but who can ’ t take it .
The teenage princess has called Trump everything from an “ Orange-Headed Fear-Monger ” to a “ Vulgarian Nazi ” to simply “ Stormy ’ s Sugar Daddy ” .
Fox News is reporting that Kellyanne has aged about six years in just the past six days .
Meanwhile , Claudia ’ s daddy , George Conway , founder of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was overheard saying , “ Yes !
!
!
That ’ s my little girl .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - The president’s chief counsel and head adviser has just learned that her daughter, Claudia, is back attacking DJT with an unrelenting vengeance.
Young Claudia recently had her cell phone taken away by her mommy, because she was hitting POTUS with everything but the kitchen sink.
CNN's Anderson Cooper reported that, within 48 hours, FedEx had delivered 119 cell phones addressed to Claudia from all over the country.
Howard Stern has called Miss Claudia, the female teenage version of the “Bully-in-Chief”.
Stern added that the president has clearly shown that he is one of those types of insecure, hate-filled punks, who love to dish it out, but who can’t take it.
The teenage princess has called Trump everything from an “Orange-Headed Fear-Monger” to a “Vulgarian Nazi” to simply “Stormy’s Sugar Daddy”.
Fox News is reporting that Kellyanne has aged about six years in just the past six days.
Meanwhile, Claudia’s daddy, George Conway, founder of the anti-Trump group, the Lincoln Project, was overheard saying, “Yes!!! That’s my little girl.”


thespoof--2020-07-31--President Trump's Bone Spurs Are Clearly Getting Worse

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) - Everyone knows that the president avoided having to go to Vietnam @ @ @ @ @ had bone spurs , which , as everyone knows , was a totally fabricated lie @ @ @ @ @ saying goes , be careful what you wish for , because now , some medical @ @ @ @ @ does actually have bone spurs – and big mama ones at that .
As the @ @ @ @ @ man who lies as much as hummingbirds hum , is having trouble keeping his right @ @ @ @ @ .
The New York Times reported that Secret Service agents have been told to try @ @ @ @ @ from the public view as much as possible .
Trump ’ s paramour , Stormy @ @ @ @ @ book “ The Honest Truth About Me and Spanky ” that Donald accidentally twisted his @ @ @ @ @ she was spanking him with a rolled up Wall Street Journal .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - Everyone knows that the president avoided having to go to Vietnam by falsely claiming that he had bone spurs, which, as everyone knows, was a totally fabricated lie.
But, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for, because now, some medical experts are reporting that POTUS does actually have bone spurs – and big mama ones at that.
As the photo clearly shows, the man who lies as much as hummingbirds hum, is having trouble keeping his right foot in a straight position.
The New York Times reported that Secret Service agents have been told to try and block his right foot from the public view as much as possible.
Trump’s paramour, Stormy Daniels, mentioned in her book “The Honest Truth About Me and Spanky” that Donald accidentally twisted his right ankle one evening when she was spanking him with a rolled up Wall Street Journal.


thespoof--2020-07-31--Many People Are Saying That Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson Are Both Sweating Up a Storm

NEW YORK CITY – ( Television Satire ) - Now that Ed Henry has been fired from Fox News for a medley of inappropriate sexual harassment charges , insiders are saying that Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson will soon be exiting the Fox revolving door as well .
A source inside Fox News revealed that both Sean and Tucker are worried-as-hell , and are both sweating up a storm that many in the know are saying could end up becoming a category 5 hurricane .
One who is in the know at the Unfair & Unbalanced network , stated that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ chomping at the bit to take Hannity and Carlson ’ s places .
Watters said that he heard that one of the things they have on Carlson are photos of him dressed as a Bolshoi ballerina .
Watters said that he has seen Tucker do a pirouette , and he looked quite feminine doing it .
Gutfeld revealed that he once saw Sean and Megyn Kelly simulating the hokey-pokey out in a Fox News parking garage .
He revealed that Sean was playing the glockenspiel and Megyn was playing the mouth organ ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has already said that he only met Hannity once , at a Jack-in-the-Box in the Bronx , and he has only seen Gutfeld on the television commercial that Gutty recently filmed for Preparation H .

NEW YORK CITY – (Television Satire) - Now that Ed Henry has been fired from Fox News for a medley of inappropriate sexual harassment charges, insiders are saying that Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson will soon be exiting the Fox revolving door as well.
A source inside Fox News revealed that both Sean and Tucker are worried-as-hell, and are both sweating up a storm that many in the know are saying could end up becoming a category 5 hurricane.
One who is in the know at the Unfair & Unbalanced network, stated that Jesse Watters and Greg Gutfeld are both chomping at the bit to take Hannity and Carlson’s places.
Watters said that he heard that one of the things they have on Carlson are photos of him dressed as a Bolshoi ballerina.
Watters said that he has seen Tucker do a pirouette, and he looked quite feminine doing it.
Gutfeld revealed that he once saw Sean and Megyn Kelly simulating the hokey-pokey out in a Fox News parking garage.
He revealed that Sean was playing the glockenspiel and Megyn was playing the mouth organ (harmonica).
Meanwhile, President Trump has already said that he only met Hannity once, at a Jack-in-the-Box in the Bronx, and he has only seen Gutfeld on the television commercial that Gutty recently filmed for Preparation H.


thespoof--2020-07-31--Brazil Has Filed A Lawsuit Against Jeff Bezos - The Richest Man in the World

NEW YORK CITY – ( Fake News ) - Jeff Bezos , who is the richest man in the world @ @ @ @ @ that he is being sued .
The government of Brazil has informed Mr. Bezos that @ @ @ @ @ infringing on the Amazon name .
They informed him that the name is duly registered @ @ @ @ @ and appears on everything from Amazon Brazil Nuts to Amazon Brazil Wax .
A rep @ @ @ @ @ commented that the registration papers were filed on September 7 , 1941 , exactly 90 @ @ @ @ @ bombed .
He went on to say that Mr. Bezos is capitalizing on the name @ @ @ @ @ billions of dollars on everything from Amazon Beer to Amazon IUDs .
When Jeff Bezos @ @ @ @ @ a comment , he merely said that he is not worried , as he is @ @ @ @ @ buying Brazil .

NEW YORK CITY – (Fake News) - Jeff Bezos, who is the richest man in the world, has just received notice that he is being sued.
The government of Brazil has informed Mr. Bezos that they do not appreciate him infringing on the Amazon name.
They informed him that the name is duly registered to the Brazilian government, and appears on everything from Amazon Brazil Nuts to Amazon Brazil Wax.
A rep for the South American country commented that the registration papers were filed on September 7, 1941, exactly 90 days before Pearl Harbor was bombed.
He went on to say that Mr. Bezos is capitalizing on the name Amazon to make billions and billions of dollars on everything from Amazon Beer to Amazon IUDs.
When Jeff Bezos was asked by CNN for a comment, he merely said that he is not worried, as he is presently in the process of buying Brazil.


thespoof--2020-07-31--Airline Passengers in Denver Are Stranded on the Airport Loading Ramp Ladder for Three Hours

DENVER – ( Spoof News ) - American Airlines has apologized to 34 passengers who were left stranded on a John and Bob Denver International Airport loading ramp ladder for a little over three hours .
The passengers were apparently told to board the ramp ladder , but soon learned that the plane ’ s carburetor and seven of the tires needed to be changed .
The airline company stated that the passengers had to remain on the loading ramp ladder because of a bomb threat that had been called in to the airport .
One passenger said that he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ told by a ticket agent to simply hold it until the plane pulls up .
A frantic pregnant woman said that she was due in about four hours , and informed an airline employee that her water had broken .
She was told to please try and lower the volume of her screaming .
Some of the passengers decided to pass the time by counting from one to a million by threes .
The plane finally showed up , and , after boarding , all 34 passengers were given free complimentary peanuts , @ @ @ @ @

DENVER – (Spoof News) - American Airlines has apologized to 34 passengers who were left stranded on a John and Bob Denver International Airport loading ramp ladder for a little over three hours.
The passengers were apparently told to board the ramp ladder, but soon learned that the plane’s carburetor and seven of the tires needed to be changed.
The airline company stated that the passengers had to remain on the loading ramp ladder because of a bomb threat that had been called in to the airport.
One passenger said that he needed to pee, and he was told by a ticket agent to simply hold it until the plane pulls up.
A frantic pregnant woman said that she was due in about four hours, and informed an airline employee that her water had broken. She was told to please try and lower the volume of her screaming.
Some of the passengers decided to pass the time by counting from one to a million by threes.
The plane finally showed up, and, after boarding, all 34 passengers were given free complimentary peanuts, pretzels, and parsley.


thespoof--2020-08-01--Under Pressure in U.S., TikTok Announces Plan to Remove Indecent Videos Including "Dictator Sword Da

Under Pressure in U.S., TikTok Announces Plan to Remove Indecent Videos Including "Dictator Sword Dance"

Washington - After U.S. President Donald Trump announced that he would unilaterally ban Chinese company TikTok from doing business in @ @ @ @ @ company announced measures to respond to the threat .
Included in the response will be @ @ @ @ @ it 's platform that violate universal standards of decency .
One of the first videos @ @ @ @ @ pictured a group of authoritarians dancing with swords .
One of the dictators in the @ @ @ @ @ responsible for body slamming journalists and attacking protesting attendees at his rallies .
It also @ @ @ @ @ Middle East kingdom which was accused of dismembering a writer visiting Turkey who had been @ @ @ @ @ `` We just felt we needed to remove some videos that violated community standards , @ @ @ @ @ a good place to start .
Also , the dancing in the video was particularly @ @ @ @ @ company spokesman .
It was not known if the swords used in the video were @ @ @ @ @ journalists or critics of the kingdom .

Washington - After U.S. President Donald Trump announced that he would unilaterally ban Chinese company TikTok from doing business in the United States, the company announced measures to respond to the threat. Included in the response will be efforts to remove videos from it's platform that violate universal standards of decency.
One of the first videos to be deleted by TikTok pictured a group of authoritarians dancing with swords. One of the dictators in the video has openly encouraged individuals responsible for body slamming journalists and attacking protesting attendees at his rallies. It also featured representatives of a host Middle East kingdom which was accused of dismembering a writer visiting Turkey who had been critical of its rule.
"We just felt we needed to remove some videos that violated community standards, and this one was obviously a good place to start. Also, the dancing in the video was particularly awful," said a company spokesman.
It was not known if the swords used in the video were actually used to eliminate any journalists or critics of the kingdom.


thespoof--2020-08-01--Biden Picks Mike Pence as Running Mate

Biden Picks Mike Pence as Running Mate

After months of speculation , the Democratic nominee for President has selected current Vice President Mike Pence as his running @ @ @ @ @ nation is bitterly divided , the one thing we can all agree on is that @ @ @ @ @ bang-up job as vice president .
I think it makes sense to ensure he stays @ @ @ @ @ who wins the election.
” said Biden .
“ I am proud and disgusted to @ @ @ @ @ mate of a man who has so honorably served his country and will sell it @ @ @ @ @ a heartbeat , ” said Pence in a press release .
“ I am sure @ @ @ @ @ able to make this country great again .
”

After months of speculation, the Democratic nominee for President has selected current Vice President Mike Pence as his running mate.
“While our nation is bitterly divided, the one thing we can all agree on is that Mike Pence has done a bang-up job as vice president. I think it makes sense to ensure he stays in that role regardless of who wins the election.” said Biden.
“I am proud and disgusted to be selected as the running mate of a man who has so honorably served his country and will sell it off to the Chinese in a heartbeat,” said Pence in a press release. “I am sure that Sleepy Joe will be able to make this country great again.”


thespoof--2020-08-01--GOP to Stream Convention on Tik Tok

GOP to Stream Convention on Tik Tok

( Washington ) - Republican Party Chariwoman Ronna McDaniel announced , today , that the 2020 GOP Convention will be @ @ @ @ @ , Tik Tok .
After being turned away from North Carolina , and with Florida @ @ @ @ @ spikes , the RNC has decided to try another approach .
“ We feel that @ @ @ @ @ we will be able to communicate better with the younger voters that are such a @ @ @ @ @ , ” stated McDaniel .
“ After months of weighing our options , it was @ @ @ @ @ the answer.
” Co-Chair Thomas Hicks Jr. , added , “ A series of 60-second @ @ @ @ @ to get the Republican message out there and really connect with our core demographic .
@

(Washington) - Republican Party Chariwoman Ronna McDaniel announced, today, that the 2020 GOP Convention will be hosted on social media site, Tik Tok. After being turned away from North Carolina, and with Florida in the middle of Covid-19 spikes, the RNC has decided to try another approach.
“We feel that, with Tik Tok, we will be able to communicate better with the younger voters that are such a critical part of our campaign,” stated McDaniel. “After months of weighing our options, it was clear that Tik Tok was the answer.”
Co-Chair Thomas Hicks Jr., added, “A series of 60-second videos is the perfect way to get the Republican message out there and really connect with our core demographic.”


thespoof--2020-08-02--2 Girls 1 Cup Actress Dies At 22 story still doing very well

A story that has been hovering around a satirical news and parody website since 2007 , is still proving popular @ @ @ @ @ 's been reported .
The story entitled `` 2 Girls 1 Cup Actress Dies At @ @ @ @ @ someone called Kirk Scott on 30 November 2007 , and still manages to be shown @ @ @ @ @ widely-read items on The Spoof .
It 's loosely connected to a Brazilian fetish movie @ @ @ @ @ crap in a cup , then in each other 's mouths , chew on it @ @ @ @ @ their bodies and the walls , puke into each other 's faces , eyes , @ @ @ @ @ , then lick it all up and clean the windows with it .
It 's @ @ @ @

A story that has been hovering around a satirical news and parody website since 2007, is still proving popular with the punters, it's been reported.
The story entitled "2 Girls 1 Cup Actress Dies At 22" was written by someone called Kirk Scott on 30 November 2007, and still manages to be shown as one of the most widely-read items on The Spoof.
It's loosely connected to a Brazilian fetish movie in which two horny lesbians crap in a cup, then in each other's mouths, chew on it, smear it all over their bodies and the walls, puke into each other's faces, eyes, ears, noses and anuses, then lick it all up and clean the windows with it.
It's not for children.
Kirk Scott was unavailable for comment.


thespoof--2020-08-02--White House Files for Bankruptcy

White House Files for Bankruptcy

( Washington ) The White House , the 220-year-old home of the US President , has filed for bankruptcy .
The privately held company had been struggling as the process of governing has changed in recent years .
But it has been decimated by the coronavirus pandemic , which sent demand for government plummeting .
Many working-from-home employees opted for far less governance in their lives .
`` Although the pandemic has severely eroded the outlook for the Executive Branch , the White House has long suffered from a failure to decisively adapt to changing trends , '' said Neel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Retail .
`` When it comes to tastes and style , the White House has been swimming against the tide . ''
The White House filed for Chapter 11 early Wednesday in a Delaware court .
It had warned , in June , that it would lay off nearly 700 workers in three states , and is seeking a buyer because coronavirus destroyed its business .
The company has been evaluating various strategic options , including a potential sale .
But it has struggled to find a buyer .
A company spokesperson told @ @ @ @ @ @ @ complete the sale process within the next few months . ''

(Washington) The White House, the 220-year-old home of the US President, has filed for bankruptcy.
The privately held company had been struggling as the process of governing has changed in recent years. But it has been decimated by the coronavirus pandemic, which sent demand for government plummeting. Many working-from-home employees opted for far less governance in their lives.
"Although the pandemic has severely eroded the outlook for the Executive Branch, the White House has long suffered from a failure to decisively adapt to changing trends," said Neel Sanders, the managing director of GlobalData Retail. "When it comes to tastes and style, the White House has been swimming against the tide."
The White House filed for Chapter 11 early Wednesday in a Delaware court. It had warned, in June, that it would lay off nearly 700 workers in three states, and is seeking a buyer because coronavirus destroyed its business.
The company has been evaluating various strategic options, including a potential sale. But it has struggled to find a buyer. A company spokesperson told CNN Business that it expects to "complete the sale process within the next few months."


thespoof--2020-08-02--A Dairy Farmer in Minnesota Says His Herd of Cattle Love Posing For Photos

ST .
CLOUD , Minnesota – ( Funny News ) - Dairy farmer Spencer Funkwood told a reporter with USA @ @ @ @ @ a dairy farmer for 51 years , and , in that time , he has @ @ @ @ @ .
He said that he has never seen a herd of cows who love to @ @ @ @ @ as his current herd of milk cows do .
When he was asked how he @ @ @ @ @ Funkwood smiled , and replied tongue-in-cheek , “ Well , sir , I just tell @ @ @ @ @ divulged that Governor Tim Walz has named his cows the most talented cows in the @ @ @ @ @ Funkwood , commented that he and his wife , Fanny Jo , said that they @ @ @ @ @ half of the herd to giggle on command .
The Funkwoods remarked that , next @ @ @ @ @ teaching the entire herd how to fetch .

ST. CLOUD, Minnesota – (Funny News) - Dairy farmer Spencer Funkwood told a reporter with USA Today that he has been a dairy farmer for 51 years, and, in that time, he has owned over 27,000 milk cows.
He said that he has never seen a herd of cows who love to pose for pictures as much as his current herd of milk cows do.
When he was asked how he gets them to smile, Funkwood smiled, and replied tongue-in-cheek, “Well, sir, I just tell 'em to say…cheese.”
He divulged that Governor Tim Walz has named his cows the most talented cows in the whole state of Minnesota.
Funkwood, commented that he and his wife, Fanny Jo, said that they’ve already trained over half of the herd to giggle on command.
The Funkwoods remarked that, next, they are planning on teaching the entire herd how to fetch.


thespoof--2020-08-02--A Federal Judge Denies Trump’s Request to Seal His Extensive Sex Records

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Presidential Satire ) - A federal judge in Wyoming has denied President Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ sex records sealed .
Trump ’ s head attorney , Segundo Juarez , argued that @ @ @ @ @ prevent the President ’ s sexual exploits from becoming public .
The President 's attorney @ @ @ @ @ in the entire country gives a rat 's ass about the leader of the free @ @ @ @ @ Juarez went on to say that who Mr. Donald J. Trump poked 5 , 10 @ @ @ @ @ is no one ’ s damn business ; not even Melania ’ s or Ivanka @ @ @ @ @ if POTUS wants to let everyone know which intern , or assistant , or secretary @ @ @ @ @ , then he will simply write a book about it , like his own niece @ @ @ @ @ has done .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Presidential Satire) - A federal judge in Wyoming has denied President Trump’s request to have his voluminous sex records sealed.
Trump’s head attorney, Segundo Juarez, argued that they will fight tooth-and-nail to prevent the President’s sexual exploits from becoming public.
The President's attorney pointed out that no one in the entire country gives a rat's ass about the leader of the free world's sexual prowess.
Juarez went on to say that who Mr. Donald J. Trump poked 5, 10, or 25 years ago is no one’s damn business; not even Melania’s or Ivanka's.
He added that if POTUS wants to let everyone know which intern, or assistant, or secretary he had intimate relations with, then he will simply write a book about it, like his own niece, the soon-to-be-deported Mary Trump has done.


thespoof--2020-08-02--The Lincoln Project Says That Their Goal is to Drive President Trump Crazy

NEW YORK CITY – ( Political Satire ) - There are lots of anti-Trump organizations in the USA , but perhaps none irritates the `` Golfer-in-Chief '' more than George Conway ’ s Lincoln Project .
And as GOP princess Meghan McCain has said , it ’ s because every member of Lin-Pro is a dyed-in-the-wool , dedicated Republican .
Meghan added that everyone hates how the “ Potomac Punk ” is slowly but surely chipping away at the once proud conservative party that Abraham Lincoln said he loved even more than he loved Mary Todd Lincoln .
George Conway @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cause of the Republicans not occupying the White House again until 2042 , and that ’ s a maybe .
Conway , whose wife , Kellyanne Conway , is Trump ’ s lead counsel , head adviser , and alleged inamorata , says that the number one goal of his group is to literally drive the “ Orange Buffoon ” crazy .
The father of perhaps the biggest anti-Trump teenager in America , Claudia Conway , proudly says that they are just about there .
George laughed as he pointed out that Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ eat an M & M .
Kellyanne has told a close friend that she will soon start putting in her applications for a new job , which she will definitely need come January .

NEW YORK CITY – (Political Satire) - There are lots of anti-Trump organizations in the USA, but perhaps none irritates the "Golfer-in-Chief" more than George Conway’s Lincoln Project.
And as GOP princess Meghan McCain has said, it’s because every member of Lin-Pro is a dyed-in-the-wool, dedicated Republican.
Meghan added that everyone hates how the “Potomac Punk” is slowly but surely chipping away at the once proud conservative party that Abraham Lincoln said he loved even more than he loved Mary Todd Lincoln.
George Conway said that Trump will single-handedly be the cause of the Republicans not occupying the White House again until 2042, and that’s a maybe.
Conway, whose wife, Kellyanne Conway, is Trump’s lead counsel, head adviser, and alleged inamorata, says that the number one goal of his group is to literally drive the “Orange Buffoon” crazy.
The father of perhaps the biggest anti-Trump teenager in America, Claudia Conway, proudly says that they are just about there.
George laughed as he pointed out that Trump now has to use two hands to eat an M&M.
Kellyanne has told a close friend that she will soon start putting in her applications for a new job, which she will definitely need come January.


thespoof--2020-08-03--Mensa To Accept President Trump

Mensa To Accept President Trump

President Donald Trump , so long a target for people who have called him everything from a fool to a @ @ @ @ @ in-between - is now set to make his detractors eat their words , after he @ @ @ @ @ last night , that he has been invited to join Mensa .
Mensa is the @ @ @ @ @ 2 % of people with above-high intelligence , determined after having taken various IQ tests @ @ @ @ @ than 140,000 members , in over one hundred countries , and , according to President @ @ @ @ @ to become its newest recruit , after - he claims - he `` scored highly @ @ @ @ @ .
Mr. Trump said that there will be people who say that he is n't @ @ @ @ @ ' , and that he only scored 2 % , but that this just was @ @ @ @ @ is an example of what is meant by the term , 'Fake News ' .

President Donald Trump, so long a target for people who have called him everything from a fool to a moron - and most things in-between - is now set to make his detractors eat their words, after he announced in a Twitter tweet last night, that he has been invited to join Mensa.
Mensa is the organization open to the top 2% of people with above-high intelligence, determined after having taken various IQ tests.
It currently has more than 140,000 members, in over one hundred countries, and, according to President Trump, he is about to become its newest recruit, after - he claims - he "scored highly" in an IQ test.
Mr. Trump said that there will be people who say that he isn't in the 'top 2%', and that he only scored 2%, but that this just wasn't true.
This report is an example of what is meant by the term, 'Fake News'.


thespoof--2020-08-03--Mensa Accept President Trump

Mensa Accept President Trump


thespoof--2020-08-03--A Popular Florida Beach Has Been Evacuated After Jellyfish Test Positive For The Coronavirus

MRS. PONCE DE LEON BEACH , Florida – ( Funny News ) - City officials in this popular ocean beach @ @ @ @ @ local residents have all evacuated the beach .
A spokesman for the city stated that @ @ @ @ @ of 63 jellyfish , and found that 48 tested positive for COVID-19 .
The jellyfish @ @ @ @ @ virus swam in a normal jellyfish pattern , whereas the infected jellyfish tended to swim @ @ @ @ @ which really freaked out the beachgoers .
The C-19 jellyfish also seemed to make a @ @ @ @ @ an individual got within 8 feet of them .
The infected jellyfish are believed to @ @ @ @ @ to Florida from Italy .

MRS. PONCE DE LEON BEACH, Florida – (Funny News) - City officials in this popular ocean beach town say that tourists and local residents have all evacuated the beach.
A spokesman for the city stated that health experts tested a total of 63 jellyfish, and found that 48 tested positive for COVID-19.
The jellyfish that did not have the virus swam in a normal jellyfish pattern, whereas the infected jellyfish tended to swim in a zig-zag motion, which really freaked out the beachgoers.
The C-19 jellyfish also seemed to make a type of barking sound whenever an individual got within 8 feet of them.
The infected jellyfish are believed to have swum all the way to Florida from Italy.


thespoof--2020-08-03--Popular Porn Star Ariana Marie Has Decided To Run For Governor of Texas

DALLAS – ( Satire News ) - One of the pornographic world 's most popular actresses has decided that she is throwing her 38-DD bra into the ring .
Ariana Marie has starred in such epic porn movies as “ Gang Bangin ' Up In Bangor ” , “ The Bikini Line Tattooist '' , and `` The Misadventures of Landing Strip Stella ” .
The 37-year-old actress told a reporter with The National Enquirer that , being a resident of the Lone Star state , she 's become fed up with the horrendously inept job of governing that Governor @ @ @ @ @ @ @ done .
She mentioned that Abbott ( aka the Trump ass-kisser ) is considering selling the Alamo to a group of Chinese investors , who want to put a McDonalds restaurant inside the historic church/fortress .
Miss Marie also criticized Abbott ’ s strange obsession with wanting to deport all of the Mescalero Apaches who are living in Texas back to India .
Ariana has said that , when she kicks Abbott 's ass out of the Governor ’ s mansion , she is going to have “ The Weasel ” arrested and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ South Pole . ''

DALLAS – (Satire News) - One of the pornographic world's most popular actresses has decided that she is throwing her 38-DD bra into the ring.
Ariana Marie has starred in such epic porn movies as “Gang Bangin' Up In Bangor”, “The Bikini Line Tattooist", and "The Misadventures of Landing Strip Stella”.
The 37-year-old actress told a reporter with The National Enquirer that, being a resident of the Lone Star state, she's become fed up with the horrendously inept job of governing that Governor Greg “The Dork” Abbott has done.
She mentioned that Abbott (aka the Trump ass-kisser) is considering selling the Alamo to a group of Chinese investors, who want to put a McDonalds restaurant inside the historic church/fortress.
Miss Marie also criticized Abbott’s strange obsession with wanting to deport all of the Mescalero Apaches who are living in Texas back to India.
Ariana has said that, when she kicks Abbott's ass out of the Governor’s mansion, she is going to have “The Weasel” arrested and exiled to the coldest part of the South Pole."


thespoof--2020-08-03--Trump Says He Will Do Away With The Presidential Election and Just Declare Himself King

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Presidential Spoof ) - The President told his chief adviser , Kellyanne Conway , that @ @ @ @ @ of hearing about how low his popularity numbers are .
The Washington Post reported that @ @ @ @ @ that he is playing way too much golf .
Trump showed Kellyanne a note from @ @ @ @ @ to play golf at least once every 24 hours .
POTUS told Conway , that @ @ @ @ @ he has an enlarged prostate .
He added that it is the size of a @ @ @ @ @ started to gag , and he asked her if she was going to need CPR @ @ @ @ @ he has told the New York Times that he is going to cancel the presidential @ @ @ @ @ to be the rightful king of the United States of America .
Conway told him @ @ @ @ @ idea , and she assured him that he would look positively handsome wearing a king @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Presidential Spoof) - The President told his chief adviser, Kellyanne Conway, that he is sick and tired of hearing about how low his popularity numbers are.
The Washington Post reported that lots of people are complaining that he is playing way too much golf.
Trump showed Kellyanne a note from his doctor, instructing him to play golf at least once every 24 hours.
POTUS told Conway, that his urologist told him that he has an enlarged prostate. He added that it is the size of a regulation bowling ball.
She started to gag, and he asked her if she was going to need CPR.
"I'm good," she quickly replied.
Trump informed her that he has told the New York Times that he is going to cancel the presidential election and simply name himself to be the rightful king of the United States of America.
Conway told him that it was an excellent idea, and she assured him that he would look positively handsome wearing a king's crown.


thespoof--2020-08-03--The Captain of Air Force One Confesses He Let President Trump Fly The Plane From Washington D.C. to

The Captain of Air Force One Confesses He Let President Trump Fly The Plane From Washington D.C. to Mar-a-Lago

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake News ) - Air Force One Captain Angus P. Pellakowski has admitted that he violated Air Force One policy by allowing an unqualified individual to fly the presidential plane .
POTUS ended up flying Air Force One From Washington , D.C. to Mar-a-Lago , a distance of about 1,000 miles .
The Captain told two FBI agents that the President went up into the cockpit and was talking about Portland , Seattle , Minneapolis , and Iwo Jima .
He put his buffalo wing down and asked if he could take a shot at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ DJT was informed that it was against governmental policy .
Trump replied that he is the government .
He added that there are lots and lots of pilots who are salivating at the chance to fly Air Force One .
Captain Pellakowski got up and let the President fly the plane .
He just asked that he , please , not do any fancy maneuvers , dips , or rolls .
Sean Hannity reported , that evening , that President Trump positively did not fly the plane because the President is incapable of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ spurs .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - Air Force One Captain Angus P. Pellakowski has admitted that he violated Air Force One policy by allowing an unqualified individual to fly the presidential plane.
POTUS ended up flying Air Force One From Washington, D.C. to Mar-a-Lago, a distance of about 1,000 miles.
The Captain told two FBI agents that the President went up into the cockpit and was talking about Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, and Iwo Jima.
He put his buffalo wing down and asked if he could take a shot at flying the big, blue bird.
DJT was informed that it was against governmental policy.
Trump replied that he is the government. He added that there are lots and lots of pilots who are salivating at the chance to fly Air Force One.
Captain Pellakowski got up and let the President fly the plane. He just asked that he, please, not do any fancy maneuvers, dips, or rolls.
Sean Hannity reported, that evening, that President Trump positively did not fly the plane because the President is incapable of flying a plane due to his bone spurs.


thespoof--2020-08-02--IRS Gift Ship Sold Out

IRS Gift Ship Sold Out

( Washington ) – The Internal Revenue Service Gift Shop has reported that it is completely sold out .
All @ @ @ @ @ by fans of the agency .
The shelves are empty of T-shirts , license plate @ @ @ @ @ .
Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin expressed mild surprise at the run on IRS @ @ @ @ @ knew that the IRS Christmas ornaments and lapel pins were popular .
But we are @ @ @ @ @ fleece , ballcaps , throw pillows , 24K Gold heirloom eggs , bomber jackets , @ @ @ @ @ , slippers , do-rags , brass knuckles , shower caps , compact mirrors , belt @ @ @ @ @ , whoopee cushions , humidors , elephant-shaped ottomans , beef jerky , bird baths , @ @ @ @ @ Little Richard garden statues , jewelry chests , luggage , obstacle courses for dogs , @ @ @ @ @ , lawnmowers , rigged dice and pencils.
” A shipment of IRS-branded bottle-openers is expected @ @ @ @

(Washington) – The Internal Revenue Service Gift Shop has reported that it is completely sold out. All IRS merchandise has been bought by fans of the agency. The shelves are empty of T-shirts, license plate holders, keychains and earrings.
Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin expressed mild surprise at the run on IRS goods. “I always knew that the IRS Christmas ornaments and lapel pins were popular. But we are even out of the IRS fleece, ballcaps, throw pillows, 24K Gold heirloom eggs, bomber jackets, salt-water taffy, turquoise bracelets, slippers, do-rags, brass knuckles, shower caps, compact mirrors, belt buckles, eyeglass repair kits, whoopee cushions, humidors, elephant-shaped ottomans, beef jerky, bird baths, battery-powered toy fire engines, Little Richard garden statues, jewelry chests, luggage, obstacle courses for dogs, fake mustaches, coin purses, lawnmowers, rigged dice and pencils.”
A shipment of IRS-branded bottle-openers is expected any day now.


thespoof--2020-08-04--An Erotically Sexy Ex-Pole Dancer Has Been Named Sheriff of Tulsa, Oklahoma

TULSA – ( Satire News ) - The Tulsa City Council has just named Deputy Amanda Timberwine to be the new city sheriff .
Deputy Timberwine , has been with the sheriff 's department for three weeks .
She is replacing Sheriff Clyde Costello , who suddenly left the country and reportedly is now living in Dundee , Scotland .
No word as to why Sheriff Costello left in such a hurry , but one of the local newspapers stated that it may have something to do with him having knocked up all three of the highly promiscuous Cappatelli triplets @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the new sheriff was , until recently , the featured pole dancer at the Happy House of Knockers , where she averaged $ 600 a night in tips .
Sheriff Timberwine says that she expects to do as good a job at sheriffing as she did at pole dancing .
The newly-named sheriff informed the city council that she would agree to take the job , but with the one condition that she be allowed to dance at the Happy House of Knockers on Saturday nights .
The city council approved her request @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

TULSA – (Satire News) - The Tulsa City Council has just named Deputy Amanda Timberwine to be the new city sheriff.
Deputy Timberwine, has been with the sheriff's department for three weeks. She is replacing Sheriff Clyde Costello, who suddenly left the country and reportedly is now living in Dundee, Scotland.
No word as to why Sheriff Costello left in such a hurry, but one of the local newspapers stated that it may have something to do with him having knocked up all three of the highly promiscuous Cappatelli triplets.
A local Tulsa newspaper reported that the new sheriff was, until recently, the featured pole dancer at the Happy House of Knockers, where she averaged $600 a night in tips.
Sheriff Timberwine says that she expects to do as good a job at sheriffing as she did at pole dancing.
The newly-named sheriff informed the city council that she would agree to take the job, but with the one condition that she be allowed to dance at the Happy House of Knockers on Saturday nights.
The city council approved her request by a vote of 9 to 1.


thespoof--2020-08-04--Trump Supporters Vow to Boycott Election in November!

Trump supporters are being encouraged to boycott the November Election .
`` Do n't turn out the way the socialist ultra left commies are calling on everyone to do .
They just want you to get in trouble for not wearing a mask ! ''
said a recently diseased Texas Senator .
`` We must show them we 're not stupid ! ''
President Trump tweeted out : `` Just do n't Do it !
Do n't Vote with the liberal Socialists , they are trying to control everything , but they do n't control us !
! ''
# @ @ @ @ @ @ @ White House Press briefing , McAzaney had several questions from reporters about this new push by President Trump 's campaign .
`` Why does n't the President want the election delayed , and how does it help him to encourage his people to stay home rather than vote ? ''
McAzaney said , `` That 's a good question , and it deserves me standing here and completely ignoring you while looking for a different question from another reporter .
In the meantime , it is the President 's intention to force all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their favorite App Whahahahhahaha !
!
!
! ''
The rest of the press conference was cancelled as McAzaney ran from the press room laughing hysterically , apparently having finally lost her mind .

Trump supporters are being encouraged to boycott the November Election.
"Don't turn out the way the socialist ultra left commies are calling on everyone to do. They just want you to get in trouble for not wearing a mask!" said a recently diseased Texas Senator. "We must show them we're not stupid!"
President Trump tweeted out: "Just don't Do it! Don't Vote with the liberal Socialists, they are trying to control everything, but they don't control us!!" #STAY HOME Novermber 3rd!
At a White House Press briefing, McAzaney had several questions from reporters about this new push by President Trump's campaign. "Why doesn't the President want the election delayed, and how does it help him to encourage his people to stay home rather than vote?"
McAzaney said, "That's a good question, and it deserves me standing here and completely ignoring you while looking for a different question from another reporter. In the meantime, it is the President's intention to force all Tik Tok teenagers to panic over losing their favorite App Whahahahhahaha!!!!"
The rest of the press conference was cancelled as McAzaney ran from the press room laughing hysterically, apparently having finally lost her mind.


thespoof--2020-08-04--Feds Urge Drivers to Replace Air in Tires Monthly

( Washington ) – The National Traffic and Safety Board is urging all drivers to make sure that they replace @ @ @ @ @ every month .
This is due to the phenomenon of ‘ flat air ’ .
@ @ @ @ @ G. Lemon stated : “ People don ’ t realize the danger of old air @ @ @ @ @ that driving , the air molecules get crushed and need to be replaced .
Oxygen @ @ @ @ @ up to that kind of pressure .
Once a month , you should let all @ @ @ @ @ your tires , roll them around a few times and let them sit for an @ @ @ @ @ ensure that the old air doesn ’ t find its way back into the tire @ @ @ @ @ And , please , be safe and do not breathe that flat air .
”

(Washington) – The National Traffic and Safety Board is urging all drivers to make sure that they replace the air in their tires every month. This is due to the phenomenon of ‘flat air’.
Undersecretary of the NTSB Hoot G. Lemon stated: “People don’t realize the danger of old air in tires. After all that driving, the air molecules get crushed and need to be replaced. Oxygen just can’t stand up to that kind of pressure. Once a month, you should let all of the air out of your tires, roll them around a few times and let them sit for an hour. This is to ensure that the old air doesn’t find its way back into the tire when you fill it. And, please, be safe and do not breathe that flat air.”