thespoof--2020-10-15--California GOP Prove Their Previous Complaints About Election Fraud by Committing Election Fraud

Orange County , California - Earlier this week , State Republican leaders in California , who have long complained about @ @ @ @ @ state and across the U.S. without any evidence to support those claims , finally proved @ @ @ @ @ of fake ballot collection boxes across the state , calling them “ official ballot drop @ @ @ @ @ immediately ordered the Republicans to “ cease and desist ” from installing any more of @ @ @ @ @ contents could be tampered with by any unauthorized person .
“ We ’ re going @ @ @ @ @ them , you can trust us , just give us your ballots .
Even if @ @ @ @ @ we will put them where they belong , ” said one Trumper Republican .

Orange County, California - Earlier this week, State Republican leaders in California, who have long complained about rampant election fraud in the state and across the U.S. without any evidence to support those claims, finally proved their point by installing dozens of fake ballot collection boxes across the state, calling them “official ballot drop boxes”.
California officials immediately ordered the Republicans to “cease and desist” from installing any more of the fake boxes, whose contents could be tampered with by any unauthorized person.
“We’re going to keep an eye on them, you can trust us, just give us your ballots. Even if you’re a libtard we will put them where they belong,” said one Trumper Republican.


thespoof--2020-10-15--The Entire Population of Texas Says That Nebraska Senator Sasse is Nothing But a Pile of Chupacabra

The Entire Population of Texas Says That Nebraska Senator Sasse is Nothing But a Pile of Chupacabra Shit

AUSTIN – ( Satire News ) – iRumors is reporting that Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued a proclamation prohibiting Nebraska Senator Bennie Sasse from ever setting foot in Texas .
The senator from the “ Crème-Style Corn State ” has angered every man , woman , and child in the Lone Star state .
The senator made a completely out-of-line comment about the Houston Astros being cheaters who should be placed on probation for having cheated three years ago .
Citizens of Texas are now referring to Sasse as being nothing more than a pile of chupacabra shit .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ acts like he 's 8 , graduated last in his class , from John Deere College , with a major in Crop Rotating and a minor in Basket Weaving .
Many Astros fans have suggested that the Nebraska senator should perhaps concern himself with his wife Hortense `` Corny '' Sasse 's 12-inch tall horrendous-looking beehive hairdo , that actually makes Marge Simpson 's hairdo look pretty .
Austin native Wyatt Topsy , 71 , noted Sasse forgot to mention that , back in 2002 , he was arrested for allegedly molesting a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when he agreed to settle out of court , and do 591 hours of community service at a dairy farm in Papillion , Nebraska .

AUSTIN – (Satire News) – iRumors is reporting that Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued a proclamation prohibiting Nebraska Senator Bennie Sasse from ever setting foot in Texas.
The senator from the “Crème-Style Corn State” has angered every man, woman, and child in the Lone Star state.
The senator made a completely out-of-line comment about the Houston Astros being cheaters who should be placed on probation for having cheated three years ago.
Citizens of Texas are now referring to Sasse as being nothing more than a pile of chupacabra shit.
Bennie, who is 48, but acts like he's 8, graduated last in his class, from John Deere College, with a major in Crop Rotating and a minor in Basket Weaving.
Many Astros fans have suggested that the Nebraska senator should perhaps concern himself with his wife Hortense "Corny" Sasse's 12-inch tall horrendous-looking beehive hairdo, that actually makes Marge Simpson's hairdo look pretty.
Austin native Wyatt Topsy, 71, noted Sasse forgot to mention that, back in 2002, he was arrested for allegedly molesting a milk cow.
The charges were dropped when he agreed to settle out of court, and do 591 hours of community service at a dairy farm in Papillion, Nebraska.


thespoof--2020-10-15--Biden Cites Sgt. Bilko And Blessings For Wampum Program As Inspiration

BILLINGSGATE POST : Among the most cherished political scam programs ever devised to line the pockets of family members of high ranking government officials is the “ Blessings For Wampum Program.
” This program , along with the pithy scams devised by the wily Sgt .
Bilko , were cited by Joe Biden as inspiration for his own scams .
When questioned about the recent revelation exposed by the New York Post regarding his son , Hunter , Sleepy Joe Biden said that there was precedent for his family receiving millions from his intercession in his son ’ s financial @ @ @ @ @ @ @ In response to whether there was a history of using one ’ s position as Vice President to further his family ’ s financial gain , Biden cited the “ Blessings For Wampum Program ” , and the aforementioned Sgt .
Bilko ’ s clever schemes .
Regarding this , he said that Native Americans who gave him a blessing the other day had their own special sense of connectedness to a higher being .
Although cynics might suggest that this higher being is wampum , Biden is dismissive of this presumption .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ of his own investigation , Detrick `` Dirty Trick '' Detwiler goes back in history .
“ Yes , boys and girls , wampum .
The same stuff that purchased Manhattan from Native Americans some years ago is now being used to buy blessings.
” Shocking ?
Hardly .
Detwiler , who claims to have honed his journalistic tendencies while interning with Gotham City 's finest fish wrap , reports that Chippewa medicine man , Chief Under the Table , received unlimited New York State casino permits in return for his blessings .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ and is testimony to Biden ’ s relentless pursuit of votes by using beads , promises or whatever to purchase them .
BULLETIN : Reports of Christopher Reeve 's sightings at three different Florida early polling stations have surfaced .
While Dirty Trick is reluctant to suggest that perhaps John Edwards was correct in saying back in 2003 , that if John Kerry were elected president , Reeve would walk again , the fact that these reports show Reeve voting three different times , is ominous .
Reeve passed away in 2004 .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ contest these votes , if necessary .
To suggest that the BILLINGSGATE POST is the leader in cutting edge , but highly speculative reporting , might seem far fetched .
The reader must assume that CNN and the New York Times have gone out of business .
While falling behind these giants in the battle for unethical supremacy , the POST makes no apologies .
Competition will make us stronger in the long run .
Slim : “ How can Steve Reeve vote three times when he ’ s dead ?
Dirty : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s really Superman .
Dead my ass !
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Among the most cherished political scam programs ever devised to line the pockets of family members of high ranking government officials is the “Blessings For Wampum Program.” This program, along with the pithy scams devised by the wily Sgt. Bilko, were cited by Joe Biden as inspiration for his own scams.
When questioned about the recent revelation exposed by the New York Post regarding his son, Hunter, Sleepy Joe Biden said that there was precedent for his family receiving millions from his intercession in his son’s financial shenanigans in the Ukraine and China.
In response to whether there was a history of using one’s position as Vice President to further his family’s financial gain, Biden cited the “Blessings For Wampum Program”, and the aforementioned Sgt. Bilko’s clever schemes. Regarding this, he said that Native Americans who gave him a blessing the other day had their own special sense of connectedness to a higher being. Although cynics might suggest that this higher being is wampum, Biden is dismissive of this presumption.
In an understated expression of the results of his own investigation, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler goes back in history.
“Yes, boys and girls, wampum. The same stuff that purchased Manhattan from Native Americans some years ago is now being used to buy blessings.”
Shocking? Hardly. Detwiler, who claims to have honed his journalistic tendencies while interning with Gotham City's finest fish wrap, reports that Chippewa medicine man, Chief Under the Table, received unlimited New York State casino permits in return for his blessings. This goes on, even today, and is testimony to Biden’s relentless pursuit of votes by using beads, promises or whatever to purchase them.
BULLETIN: Reports of Christopher Reeve's sightings at three different Florida early polling stations have surfaced. While Dirty Trick is reluctant to suggest that perhaps John Edwards was correct in saying back in 2003, that if John Kerry were elected president, Reeve would walk again, the fact that these reports show Reeve voting three different times, is ominous. Reeve passed away in 2004. Hopefully, attorneys representing GOP interests will contest these votes, if necessary.
To suggest that the BILLINGSGATE POST is the leader in cutting edge, but highly speculative reporting, might seem far fetched. The reader must assume that CNN and the New York Times have gone out of business. While falling behind these giants in the battle for unethical supremacy, the POST makes no apologies. Competition will make us stronger in the long run.
Slim: “How can Chris Reeve vote three times when he’s dead?
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. That proves he’s really Superman. Dead my ass!”


thespoof--2020-10-15--Amy Coney Barrett ate at abortion cafe

Amy Coney Barrett ate at abortion cafe

There was shock today when it was revealed that nominee to the US Supreme Court Amy Coney Barrett once ate @ @ @ @ @ known as an `` abortion cafe '' .
Liu Chan Restaurant is in the Chinatown @ @ @ @ @ Indiana , and when she studied law at the local university , Coney Barrett was @ @ @ @ @ .
`` She came regularly , '' said owner Liu `` Geoff '' Chan , @ @ @ @ @ as `` abortion '' in English .
Mr Chan confirmed , `` She ate fried @ @ @ @ @ time . ''
Republicans have not yet commented on the allegations , and , if @ @ @ @ @ a setback for the anti-abortion judge .
But they will probably ignore it anyway .

There was shock today when it was revealed that nominee to the US Supreme Court Amy Coney Barrett once ate a foetus in an establishment known as an "abortion cafe".
Liu Chan Restaurant is in the Chinatown district of Notre Dame in Indiana, and when she studied law at the local university, Coney Barrett was seen eating fried foetus there.
"She came regularly," said owner Liu "Geoff" Chan, whose name can be translated as "abortion" in English.
Mr Chan confirmed, "She ate fried rice with chicken foetus every time."
Republicans have not yet commented on the allegations, and, if true, it would be a setback for the anti-abortion judge. But they will probably ignore it anyway.


thespoof--2020-10-15--Melania Trump Says That The President is Now Having to Use Two Hands To Brush His Teeth

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The first lady confided to her future step-daughter-in-law that she is becoming more and more worried about the President .
Melania told Kimberly Guilfoyle that she has noticed that Donald is now having to use both hands in order to brush his teeth .
When she brought it to his attention , he yelled at her , saying that it is starting to get pretty cold in Slovenia right about now .
Kimberly replied that she thought she was from Greece .
Melania told her that she had her confused with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even the President ’ s favorite relative , the “ White House Barbie ” , Ivanka , is starting to talk behind her daddy ’ s back , saying things like his eyes have shrunk down to the size of two grains of rice .
Melania also pointed out that POTUS has gained 29 pounds since leaving the hospital , and when she looks at him from behind , he looks like his fake attorney-general , Bill Barr .
The iNews Agency is reporting that , now that the Trumps ’ young son @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus , Melania is seriously considering moving up to Cape Cod , Massachusetts .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The first lady confided to her future step-daughter-in-law that she is becoming more and more worried about the President.
Melania told Kimberly Guilfoyle that she has noticed that Donald is now having to use both hands in order to brush his teeth.
When she brought it to his attention, he yelled at her, saying that it is starting to get pretty cold in Slovenia right about now.
Kimberly replied that she thought she was from Greece. Melania told her that she had her confused with Maria Menounos.
Mrs. Trump added that even the President’s favorite relative, the “White House Barbie”, Ivanka, is starting to talk behind her daddy’s back, saying things like his eyes have shrunk down to the size of two grains of rice.
Melania also pointed out that POTUS has gained 29 pounds since leaving the hospital, and when she looks at him from behind, he looks like his fake attorney-general, Bill Barr.
The iNews Agency is reporting that, now that the Trumps’ young son, Barron, has come down with the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus, Melania is seriously considering moving up to Cape Cod, Massachusetts.


thespoof--2020-10-16--Democrats Plan To Use Trump As A Trampoline After Election

A leaked Democratic Party memo from Washington has revealed that , after he has been ousted from the White House as a result of the November 3 presidential election , Donald Trump is to be used as a trampoline in the celebrations that will follow .
A trumpoline , if you will .
Trump 's rival , Joe Biden , has authorized the use of the beaten Trump as 'something to jump up and down on ' , and will be the first person to use the trumpoline .
The President has piled up superlatives in his 'four years of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in 2016 .
He is undoubtedly the worst president the nation has ever endured , the most racist , the most sexist , the most inhumane , the most retarded , and also the president whose behavior has been most like that of a child - and a lying , petulant brat of a child , at that .
Trump has , indeed , acquired a reputation for his bare-faced dishonesty , resulting in the feeling that , `` if Donald Trump says it , it must be a lie '' .
`` @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the evilest President is now set to become the bounciest president ever , and , post-election , will be stretched and made to lie out on the grass , whilst countless revellers bounce up and down on his yellowy guts .
The 'equipment ' will be placed on the White House lawn , and , during a special new holiday - possibly November 4 - the general public will be allowed into the grounds of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to jump up and down on it to their hearts ' content .
At @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trumpoline will tour the US , allowing the whole country to use it , free of charge , for ever and ever .

A leaked Democratic Party memo from Washington has revealed that, after he has been ousted from the White House as a result of the November 3 presidential election, Donald Trump is to be used as a trampoline in the celebrations that will follow.
A trumpoline, if you will.
A big, bouncy, orange trumpoline.
Trump's rival, Joe Biden, has authorized the use of the beaten Trump as 'something to jump up and down on', and will be the first person to use the trumpoline.
The President has piled up superlatives in his 'four years of terror' since his election 'victory' in 2016. He is undoubtedly the worst president the nation has ever endured, the most racist, the most sexist, the most inhumane, the most retarded, and also the president whose behavior has been most like that of a child - and a lying, petulant brat of a child, at that.
Trump has, indeed, acquired a reputation for his bare-faced dishonesty, resulting in the feeling that, "if Donald Trump says it, it must be a lie".
"A lie" being the operative phrase, the evilest President is now set to become the bounciest president ever, and, post-election, will be stretched and made to lie out on the grass, whilst countless revellers bounce up and down on his yellowy guts.
The 'equipment' will be placed on the White House lawn, and, during a special new holiday - possibly November 4 - the general public will be allowed into the grounds of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to jump up and down on it to their hearts' content.
At other times of the year, the Trumpoline will tour the US, allowing the whole country to use it, free of charge, for ever and ever.


thespoof--2020-10-16--White House rose garden replaced with bigit tree orchard

The latest update to the White House grounds comes compliments of the First Lady with strong encouragement from the President himself .
Melania Trump had ordered the removal of the ornamental trees planted by Jackie Kennedy .
The original plan was to make way for an ACA compliant limestone walk , but the President insisted that the loss of shade might imbalance his orange tan , and ordered the addition of the bigit trees .
It was later confirmed that Trump enjoys cultivating and growing bigit trees , not only for the White House , but for anyone that has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their house .
Trump has strongly encouraged that all of his family and inner circle do everything they can to plant bigit trees of their own .
In fact , growing bigit tree orchards all over the United States is a goal that Trump has said is central to his reelection campaign , and even more important than `` Building the Wall '' , although he does admit he is disappointed that he ca n't paint his name and face on a bigit tree like he can on a wall .
`` Our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ! ''
Trump declared .
`` We started by planting the seeds of bigit trees at the White House .
I have been planting them in my own own family for years .
I 'm the best at planting things !
That 's why it has been so easy to get Americans all over the country to grow bigit trees for themselves .
No other president has been faster or better than me at spreading bigit trees all over the place .
It 's amazing !
I 'm so proud of myself !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ trees over any other species , White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany explained , `` We all know the President likes to share his version of making America great , and sowing bigit trees is something he finds that his constituents needed a little encouragement to do themselves .
The President is only too happy to help everyone grow bigit trees , because he loves to feed off their fruit , and encourages all of his followers to do the same .
It is the President 's dream to see bigit trees spread @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he can utilize their shade wherever he campaigns . ''
When told that bigit trees are an invasive species that can cause severe damage to the environment around them , the President explained , `` That 's just fake news .
I 've heard that bigit trees are great !
The fruit tastes great !
It tastes even better when you spit it back out of your mouth !
My people eat that stuff up , and I ca n't wait to share more of it , especially since it will definitely help @ @ @ @ @

The latest update to the White House grounds comes compliments of the First Lady with strong encouragement from the President himself. Melania Trump had ordered the removal of the ornamental trees planted by Jackie Kennedy. The original plan was to make way for an ACA compliant limestone walk, but the President insisted that the loss of shade might imbalance his orange tan, and ordered the addition of the bigit trees.
It was later confirmed that Trump enjoys cultivating and growing bigit trees, not only for the White House, but for anyone that has even the smallest bigit tree growing in their house. Trump has strongly encouraged that all of his family and inner circle do everything they can to plant bigit trees of their own. In fact, growing bigit tree orchards all over the United States is a goal that Trump has said is central to his reelection campaign, and even more important than "Building the Wall", although he does admit he is disappointed that he can't paint his name and face on a bigit tree like he can on a wall.
"Our bigit tree initiative is a huge success!" Trump declared. "We started by planting the seeds of bigit trees at the White House. I have been planting them in my own own family for years. I'm the best at planting things! That's why it has been so easy to get Americans all over the country to grow bigit trees for themselves. No other president has been faster or better than me at spreading bigit trees all over the place. It's amazing! I'm so proud of myself!"
Asked why the President prefers bigit trees over any other species, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany explained, "We all know the President likes to share his version of making America great, and sowing bigit trees is something he finds that his constituents needed a little encouragement to do themselves. The President is only too happy to help everyone grow bigit trees, because he loves to feed off their fruit, and encourages all of his followers to do the same. It is the President's dream to see bigit trees spread across our great country, so that he can utilize their shade wherever he campaigns."
When told that bigit trees are an invasive species that can cause severe damage to the environment around them, the President explained, "That's just fake news. I've heard that bigit trees are great! The fruit tastes great! It tastes even better when you spit it back out of your mouth! My people eat that stuff up, and I can't wait to share more of it, especially since it will definitely help me get reelected."


thespoof--2020-10-16--Tab Drink And Donald Trump To Be Retired

After sixty years , Coca-Cola has announced plans to retire Tab , which was once its new diet soda , to trim Cola ’ s portfolio .
Also retiring is Donald Trump , by voters of the United States , to regain the nation ’ s stature in the world , and trim the turbulence he deluged on the nation with his incompetence .
While Tab always offered a refreshing , thirst-quenching drink on a hot , summer 's day , Trump just produced one big , heartburn burp .
Pardon me .
Again .
Donald Trump ’ s retirement @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 2020 , just a couple of weeks and days away .
Street parties are planned , along with Am-Track celebrations on commuter trains throughout the country .
Tab might still be served as a final happy farewell .
There 's no information on how Donald Trump will react to his four-year early retirement .
It won ’ t be pretty .
And he can ’ t claim bone spurs to avoid eviction , and remain safely ensconced in the White House .
Will Trump and Barr and Miller and McConnell and Mnuchin and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and Lindsey and the rest of Trump ’ s sycophants who were complicit with his abuse of power be prosecuted ?
Can ’ t speak for Coca-Cola , but using a farewell Tab to celebrate the Trump retirement might just be a Martha Stewart good thing .
Skip the burp .
He ’ ll be gone .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

After sixty years, Coca-Cola has announced plans to retire Tab, which was once its new diet soda, to trim Cola’s portfolio.
Also retiring is Donald Trump, by voters of the United States, to regain the nation’s stature in the world, and trim the turbulence he deluged on the nation with his incompetence.
While Tab always offered a refreshing, thirst-quenching drink on a hot, summer's day, Trump just produced one big, heartburn burp. Pardon me. Again.
Donald Trump’s retirement celebration will occur on November 3, 2020, just a couple of weeks and days away. Street parties are planned, along with Am-Track celebrations on commuter trains throughout the country. Tab might still be served as a final happy farewell.
There's no information on how Donald Trump will react to his four-year early retirement. It won’t be pretty. And he can’t claim bone spurs to avoid eviction, and remain safely ensconced in the White House.
Will Trump and Barr and Miller and McConnell and Mnuchin and Giuliani and Cruze and Jordan and Devin and Lindsey and the rest of Trump’s sycophants who were complicit with his abuse of power be prosecuted?
Can’t speak for Coca-Cola, but using a farewell Tab to celebrate the Trump retirement might just be a Martha Stewart good thing.
Skip the burp. He’ll be gone.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-17--Trump Says Construction Will Begin Soon on His New Trump Tower Building in Downtown Moscow

INTERCOURSE , Pennsylvania – ( Satire News ) - President Trump was thrilled to see so many supporters at his @ @ @ @ @ .
He looked out at the crowd , which he estimated to be between one @ @ @ @ @ gave them all a thumbs-up , as he said , “ Masks , we don @ @ @ @ @ ’ masks.
” The crowd roared and began chanting `` Trump , Trump , you @ @ @ @ @ ! ''
Melania ’ s soon-to-be ex-husband gave them all the ‘ heil ’ sign @ @ @ @ @ the crowd , one could see a smattering of swastika signs , KKK hoods , @ @ @ @ @ and a few were probably good people .
Former star of TV ’ s “ @ @ @ @ @ Baio was the evening 's featured guest .
He told the crowd that he never @ @ @ @ @ humping Stormy Daniels .
Baio explained that Stormy is a registered Democrat , and Trump @ @ @ @ @ hates the wind blowing and messing up his Dolly Parton-style hairdo .

INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) - President Trump was thrilled to see so many supporters at his last Trump Campaign Hate Rally.
He looked out at the crowd, which he estimated to be between one and two million, and gave them all a thumbs-up, as he said, “Masks, we don’t need no stinkin’ masks.”
The crowd roared and began chanting "Trump, Trump, you’re not a chump!"
Melania’s soon-to-be ex-husband gave them all the ‘heil’ sign.
As the cameras panned the crowd, one could see a smattering of swastika signs, KKK hoods, and red MAGA caps, and a few were probably good people.
Former star of TV’s “Joanie Loves Chachi” Scott Baio was the evening's featured guest.
He told the crowd that he never believed that story about Trump humping Stormy Daniels.
Baio explained that Stormy is a registered Democrat, and Trump hates Dems more than he hates the wind blowing and messing up his Dolly Parton-style hairdo.


thespoof--2020-10-17--Trump promises to perform a backflip if he wins election

In a rambling speech in Florida today , Donald Trump promised to perform a backflip if he wins the US election next month .
His supporters cheered him on , causing the US president to babble on about the manoeuvre for almost an hour .
`` I could do it right now if I wanted to .
Would n't that be something ? ''
he said , coughing .
`` I really could . ''
After some minutes discussing how he could do the move , he turned his attention to opponent Joe Biden .
`` I 'd be willing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a backflip .
No way !
He could n't do one . ''
Trump insisted that he would do a backflip , but added the condition that it would only happen if he won the election .
`` I 'll do it at my second inauguration .
I 'll do a backflip right in front of Hillary and Obama .
They wo n't believe what they 're seeing ! ''
The comments were thought by some commentators to be a last-minute attempt to attract voters who enjoy pranks and silliness - the kind @ @ @ @ @ @ @ However , polls show he is unlikely to impress them this time round , and that it may just be Trump 's dementia causing him to talk such utter horse-shit .
Doctor Geoff O'Scopy examined Trump in 2011 , and said that it was obvious to anyone that there was no way the president would be able to perform such an athletic move at his age .
`` He can barely walk , never mind do a backflip .
If he even tried it , he 'd fall and break his wig .
@

In a rambling speech in Florida today, Donald Trump promised to perform a backflip if he wins the US election next month. His supporters cheered him on, causing the US president to babble on about the manoeuvre for almost an hour.
"I could do it right now if I wanted to. Wouldn't that be something?" he said, coughing. "I really could."
After some minutes discussing how he could do the move, he turned his attention to opponent Joe Biden. "I'd be willing to bet Sleepy Joe couldn't do a backflip. No way! He couldn't do one."
Trump insisted that he would do a backflip, but added the condition that it would only happen if he won the election.
"I'll do it at my second inauguration. I'll do a backflip right in front of Hillary and Obama. They won't believe what they're seeing!"
The comments were thought by some commentators to be a last-minute attempt to attract voters who enjoy pranks and silliness - the kind who helped him win in 2016. However, polls show he is unlikely to impress them this time round, and that it may just be Trump's dementia causing him to talk such utter horse-shit.
Doctor Geoff O'Scopy examined Trump in 2011, and said that it was obvious to anyone that there was no way the president would be able to perform such an athletic move at his age. "He can barely walk, never mind do a backflip. If he even tried it, he'd fall and break his wig."


thespoof--2020-10-17--Giuliani Reveals His October Surprise: He Sharted His Pants and His Daughter Thinks He's Insane

Washington - Trump supporter and Russian tool , Rudy Giuliani , finally revealed his long-awaited October surprise , the predicted giant `` bigger than Watergate '' and `` worst of all recorded history '' scandal involving Vice President 's son , Hunter Biden , and his employment in the Ukraine .
Rudy worked feverishly with manipulative Russian agents to hatch a huge plot , but , as of yesterday , had been unsuccessful in getting Attorney General William Barr to file charges against Trump 's opponents in the election .
The only apparent surprise came at a meeting at the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , with no face coverings , during which Rudy tried to slowly and silently release gasses built up in his lower tract from some Borsht he consumed in Moscow , but instead loaded up his boxers right in the Oval Office .
`` Man that 's horrible , now I do need a mask , '' said Trump in disgust .
Later on that afternoon , Caroline Giuliani , daughter of Rudy , appeared on Rachel Maddow 's show , and said her dad had gone off the deep end , and that @ @ @ @ @ @

Washington - Trump supporter and Russian tool, Rudy Giuliani, finally revealed his long-awaited October surprise, the predicted giant "bigger than Watergate" and "worst of all recorded history" scandal involving Vice President's son, Hunter Biden, and his employment in the Ukraine.
Rudy worked feverishly with manipulative Russian agents to hatch a huge plot, but, as of yesterday, had been unsuccessful in getting Attorney General William Barr to file charges against Trump's opponents in the election.
The only apparent surprise came at a meeting at the White House, held, of course, with no face coverings, during which Rudy tried to slowly and silently release gasses built up in his lower tract from some Borsht he consumed in Moscow, but instead loaded up his boxers right in the Oval Office.
"Man that's horrible, now I do need a mask," said Trump in disgust.
Later on that afternoon, Caroline Giuliani, daughter of Rudy, appeared on Rachel Maddow's show, and said her dad had gone off the deep end, and that she was voting for Biden.


thespoof--2020-10-18--The Results Are In - Joe Biden's Town Hall Meeting Numbers Crushed Donald Trump's Town Hall Meeting

The Results Are In - Joe Biden's Town Hall Meeting Numbers Crushed Donald Trump's Town Hall Meeting Numbers

NEW YORK CITY - ( Satire News ) - The numbers for the television Dueling Town Hall Meetings are in , and the Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that Donald Trump got his arrogant ass kicked beyond belief .
VPNA noted that Trump spent more time deflecting , evading , side-stepping , dodging , and pivoting , than he did answering the questions .
One of his White House staff members , Stephen `` Nazi Nerd '' Miller , remarked that Trump 's game plan was to confuse , confuse , and confuse .
Miller , who makes a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of D.C. 's most hated , sarcastic , and mean individuals .
The pompous punk would literally steal an umbilical cord from a new-born baby .
`` Milly '' told Tucker Carlson that Trump won the town hall night .
But the VPNA pointed out that Joe Biden pulled in 19.7 million television viewers , and Trump only pulled in 6,241 television viewers .
Reports are , that even Melania Trump preferred to watch Joe Biden .
According to Don Lemon of CNN , the first lady said that she has had it @ @ @ @ @ @ @

NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - The numbers for the television Dueling Town Hall Meetings are in, and the Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that Donald Trump got his arrogant ass kicked beyond belief.
VPNA noted that Trump spent more time deflecting, evading, side-stepping, dodging, and pivoting, than he did answering the questions.
One of his White House staff members, Stephen "Nazi Nerd" Miller, remarked that Trump's game plan was to confuse, confuse, and confuse.
Miller, who makes a vulture look cute, is perhaps one of D.C.'s most hated, sarcastic, and mean individuals. The pompous punk would literally steal an umbilical cord from a new-born baby.
"Milly" told Tucker Carlson that Trump won the town hall night. But the VPNA pointed out that Joe Biden pulled in 19.7 million television viewers, and Trump only pulled in 6,241 television viewers.
Reports are, that even Melania Trump preferred to watch Joe Biden. According to Don Lemon of CNN, the first lady said that she has had it with her husband's never-ending lies.


thespoof--2020-10-18--President Trump Denies That He Has a Sexually Transmitted Disease

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – During a White House press conference , President Trump was asked @ @ @ @ @ about the rumor that he has contracted a sexually transmitted disease .
The President turned @ @ @ @ @ and angrily said that he has not had sex in over 14 months .
He @ @ @ @ @ about him having an STD is just fake news that was probably started by either @ @ @ @ @ , Rosie O ’ Donnell or any one of hundreds of women he has sexually @ @ @ @ @ A reporter with the New Orleans Cajoler Globe said that the STD info had come @ @ @ @ @ own son , Eric .
Trump made a face and said that little , misguided @ @ @ @ @ piece of shit , and added that he has a brain the size of a @ @ @ @ @ In Related News – Stormy Daniels said that Spanky ( Trump ) texted her a @ @ @ @ @ asked her how her danglers were hanging .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – During a White House press conference, President Trump was asked by a reporter with iNews about the rumor that he has contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
The President turned four shades of orange, and angrily said that he has not had sex in over 14 months.
He then remarked that the talk about him having an STD is just fake news that was probably started by either Kathy Griffin, Taylor Swift, Rosie O’Donnell or any one of hundreds of women he has sexually rejected since becoming president.
A reporter with the New Orleans Cajoler Globe said that the STD info had come from none other than his own son, Eric.
Trump made a face and said that little, misguided Eric is a little lying piece of shit, and added that he has a brain the size of a mosquito’s pecker.
In Related News – Stormy Daniels said that Spanky (Trump) texted her a few days ago, and asked her how her danglers were hanging.


thespoof--2020-10-18--7,000 Psychologists Agree That Trump is Certifiably Insane

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Many of the nation ’ s leading psychologists gathered in New York City for their annual Alliance of American Psychologists seminar .
The psychologists represented every state in the union , except for Arizona .
The group was made up of 4,121 Democrats , 1,873 Republicans , 976 Independents , and 30 atheists .
They discussed the newly-developed pill that , when taken orally , will cause the patient to resist the urge to tell lie , upon lie , upon lie , like Donald J. Trump does .
The highly-professional @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a man ( and woman ) , on one very important thing .
They all stated , unequivocally , that the man who sits in the White House , and who golfs more than anyone in the history of golf , is certifiably insane .
The highly-professional group is suggesting that the intelligent members of the Republican party make every effort to see to it that the crazy lunatic is removed from office before he single-handedly destroys the hell out of the once-proud GOP .
They all agree that even though Vice-President Pence @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Looney Bird ” , at least he isn ’ t a sexual predator , who pays women $ 130,000 to shut the eff up about him grabbing their pee-pees with his little-bitty , tiny baby fingers .
When Trump heard what the psychologists had said about him , he teared up and said that everybody hates him , but that ’ s okay because Putin , Kim Jong-un , Ice Cube , Hope Hicks , and that little ass-kisser Scott Baio all think he 's the greatest thing since reversible pantiliners .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Many of the nation’s leading psychologists gathered in New York City for their annual Alliance of American Psychologists seminar.
The psychologists represented every state in the union, except for Arizona.
The group was made up of 4,121 Democrats, 1,873 Republicans, 976 Independents, and 30 atheists.
They discussed the newly-developed pill that, when taken orally, will cause the patient to resist the urge to tell lie, upon lie, upon lie, like Donald J. Trump does.
The highly-professional and respected psychologists all agreed, to a man (and woman), on one very important thing.
They all stated, unequivocally, that the man who sits in the White House, and who golfs more than anyone in the history of golf, is certifiably insane.
The highly-professional group is suggesting that the intelligent members of the Republican party make every effort to see to it that the crazy lunatic is removed from office before he single-handedly destroys the hell out of the once-proud GOP.
They all agree that even though Vice-President Pence isn’t much better than the “Looney Bird”, at least he isn’t a sexual predator, who pays women $130,000 to shut the eff up about him grabbing their pee-pees with his little-bitty, tiny baby fingers.
When Trump heard what the psychologists had said about him, he teared up and said that everybody hates him, but that’s okay because Putin, Kim Jong-un, Ice Cube, Hope Hicks, and that little ass-kisser Scott Baio all think he's the greatest thing since reversible pantiliners.


thespoof--2020-10-17--Biden advises police to aim for toenails

At Biden ’ s Village-haul , Thursday night , he berated police for defending themselves against charging knife-wielding hopped-up crack-heads @ @ @ @ @ We have to stop shooting unarmed charging knife-wielding hopped-up crack-head lying zombie pony-soldiers in the @ @ @ @ @ on the toilet backwards , with one foot in the bidet where I was washing @ @ @ @ @ hit me .
“ We need to train police to aim for the toenails .
@ @ @ @ @ of money on manicures for the poor incarcerated Antifa heroes .
And it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ the herd of nasty police .

Biden’s basement - Inferno News
At Biden’s Village-haul, Thursday night, he berated police for defending themselves against charging knife-wielding hopped-up crack-heads. Hunter applauded.
“We have to stop shooting unarmed charging knife-wielding hopped-up crack-head lying zombie pony-soldiers in the heart. I was sitting on the toilet backwards, with one foot in the bidet where I was washing my Depend, when it hit me.
“We need to train police to aim for the toenails. This would save a lot of money on manicures for the poor incarcerated Antifa heroes. And it’s a great way to thin the herd of nasty police.
Hunter applauded again, sucking on a pipe.


thespoof--2020-10-19--Lara Trump Has Just Become The Meanest, Cruelest, Most Hateful Bitch in the Entire USA

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Just when millions of people thought that no one could ever be meaner , nastier , and have more hate in their heart than Donald Trump , along comes his fake , blonde-haired daughter-in-law from Hell , Lara Trump .
The 38-year-old cellulite-infested Halloween witch has just taken the title of the meanest , cruelest , most hateful bitch award away from her daddy-in-law .
Lara , whose mom and dad obviously couldn ’ t spell , told a reporter with GOPicky Magazine that the President put the border children ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ them from squirrels , racoons , woodchucks , and man-eating flamingos .
The wife of Eric “ Goofy ” Trump pointed out that if it had not been for President Trump , the most brilliant president since President Robert E. Lee , there is no telling how many kids would have been attacked by these Coronavirus-carrying varmints .
An unnamed member of the anti-Trump group , the Lincoln Project , has said of Lara “ Horse Face ” Trump , that she is so effen ugly , that sex-starved lumberjacks up in Oregon @ @ @ @ @ @ @ than to have sex with “ The Wicked Witch of The Potomac ” .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Just when millions of people thought that no one could ever be meaner, nastier, and have more hate in their heart than Donald Trump, along comes his fake, blonde-haired daughter-in-law from Hell, Lara Trump.
The 38-year-old cellulite-infested Halloween witch has just taken the title of the meanest, cruelest, most hateful bitch award away from her daddy-in-law.
Lara, whose mom and dad obviously couldn’t spell, told a reporter with GOPicky Magazine that the President put the border children (including babies) in cages to protect them from squirrels, racoons, woodchucks, and man-eating flamingos.
The wife of Eric “Goofy” Trump pointed out that if it had not been for President Trump, the most brilliant president since President Robert E. Lee, there is no telling how many kids would have been attacked by these Coronavirus-carrying varmints.
An unnamed member of the anti-Trump group, the Lincoln Project, has said of Lara “Horse Face” Trump, that she is so effen ugly, that sex-starved lumberjacks up in Oregon, would rather molest a pine tree than to have sex with “The Wicked Witch of The Potomac”.


thespoof--2020-10-20--Biden pardons son in advance of winning the presidency

CBS News has just released intimate details of a new plan by Mr. Biden , who is running for the office of President of the United States .
“ It is very clear I am going to win , ” Mr. Biden has said , from behind a double-masked lower face .
Wearing two masks is a heroic measure called “ mask interests in the reinforcement of national security ” ( MIRS++ ) by major news sources .
`` In which case , as you know , there are certain executive privileges . ''
As to Mr. Biden 's winning @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Biden ahead of Mr. Trump by 5 to 9 points , with some predicting a landslide on November 3 .
According to mainstream news , a new desperate stunt by the Trump Campaign to discredit Mr. Biden is being managed through a New York Post article last week .
A laptop ostensibly belonging to Hunter Biden , Mr. Biden 's son , has surfaced in a repair shop with disturbing emails and other materials .
One of the emails indicates Hunter Biden set up a meeting with his father and a top @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 2015 , when Mr. Biden was Vice-President .
Biden Jr. was an executive with this gas company at the time , with salary reported at 50,000 per month and up .
Related earlier this year , during an impeachment trial of Mr. Trump , came news that Mr. Biden , as Vice President , had interfered with Ukraine 's interior affairs .
Biden threatened to withhold a billion dollars in an arms deal unless a Ukraine prosecutor investigating Burisma Holdings was fired .
This action was compared to Mr. Trump 's withholding nearly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ukraine in a conversation with its President Zelensky , unless this prosecutor issue with Mr. Biden was resolved .
At the time there was some talk of Mr. Trump 's pardoning himself .
Inspired by this example , Mr. Biden has responded : “ My son is in no way involved in anything sleazy , and those photographs of him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth are certainly faked.
” “ As to the Chinese girls , need I say more ?
” “ Furthermore , I am definitely innocent of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ several years ago.
” “ But if I must I will !
Pardons all round !
” “ Including Hillary if things go worse in her case and this Russia thing !
”

CBS News has just released intimate details of a new plan by Mr. Biden, who is running for the office of President of the United States.
“It is very clear I am going to win,” Mr. Biden has said, from behind a double-masked lower face.
Wearing two masks is a heroic measure called “mask interests in the reinforcement of national security” (MIRS++) by major news sources.
"In which case, as you know, there are certain executive privileges."
As to Mr. Biden's winning the election, major polling institutes put Mr. Biden ahead of Mr. Trump by 5 to 9 points, with some predicting a landslide on November 3.
According to mainstream news, a new desperate stunt by the Trump Campaign to discredit Mr. Biden is being managed through a New York Post article last week.
A laptop ostensibly belonging to Hunter Biden, Mr. Biden's son, has surfaced in a repair shop with disturbing emails and other materials.
One of the emails indicates Hunter Biden set up a meeting with his father and a top executive at Burisma Holdings well back in 2015, when Mr. Biden was Vice-President.
Biden Jr. was an executive with this gas company at the time, with salary reported at 50,000 per month and up.
Related earlier this year, during an impeachment trial of Mr. Trump, came news that Mr. Biden, as Vice President, had interfered with Ukraine's interior affairs.
Biden threatened to withhold a billion dollars in an arms deal unless a Ukraine prosecutor investigating Burisma Holdings was fired.
This action was compared to Mr. Trump's withholding nearly half a billion in financial aid to Ukraine in a conversation with its President Zelensky, unless this prosecutor issue with Mr. Biden was resolved.
At the time there was some talk of Mr. Trump's pardoning himself.
Inspired by this example, Mr. Biden has responded:
“My son is in no way involved in anything sleazy, and those photographs of him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth are certainly faked.”
“As to the Chinese girls, need I say more?”
“Furthermore, I am definitely innocent of any proposed meeting with Ukraine officials back several years ago.”
“Memory fails me.”
“But if I must I will! Pardons all round!”
“Including Hillary if things go worse in her case and this Russia thing!”


thespoof--2020-10-20--Las Vegas Job Waiting For Trump After White House

With a no-kill switch or mute button at Donald Trump ’ s next job , ( should he be willing to accept it ) there 's a one-hour opening act for headline performers , blasting away and slandering whomever he wishes , church , science , allies , newscasters , women , minority groups , Democrats , children , doing just that , sort of like his present job , or his station in life , but without any White House attachment .
His salary would be supplemented with the breakfast and dinner all you can eat buffet menu .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Viewing a copy of the breakfast and dinner all you can eat buffet menus , Trump immediately accepted the position .
His staff just as immediately asked if he wasn ’ t cutting his possible reelection short .
“ Guys , I can toe play my banjo , Silver , in Vegas on stage between acts .
What other ex-president has even in the history of the whole wide world ever played the banjo in Vegas with his toes ?
” “ What if you were to , somehow , miraculously win @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the White House ?
Granted , you could never realistically win the popular vote , after caging children and letting over 220,000 people die , but you could win the electoral college , with a tiny , little bit of help from Vladimir Putin ?
” “ Well , then , this is the same job as Vegas .
In that case , I ’ ll continue as is , but instead , play Silver from the Truman Balcony every morning at sunrise.
” Read more by this author : • Buy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Bell , at Amazon.com

With a no-kill switch or mute button at Donald Trump’s next job, (should he be willing to accept it) there's a one-hour opening act for headline performers, blasting away and slandering whomever he wishes, church, science, allies, newscasters, women, minority groups, Democrats, children, doing just that, sort of like his present job, or his station in life, but without any White House attachment.
His salary would be supplemented with the breakfast and dinner all you can eat buffet menu. Again, much like his present job.
Viewing a copy of the breakfast and dinner all you can eat buffet menus, Trump immediately accepted the position. His staff just as immediately asked if he wasn’t cutting his possible reelection short.
“Guys, I can toe play my banjo, Silver, in Vegas on stage between acts. What other ex-president has even in the history of the whole wide world ever played the banjo in Vegas with his toes?”
His staff, fearing instant dismissal and reprisals, agreed enthusiastically.
“What if you were to, somehow, miraculously win reelection and have another four years here in the White House? Granted, you could never realistically win the popular vote, after caging children and letting over 220,000 people die, but you could win the electoral college, with a tiny, little bit of help from Vladimir Putin?”
“Well, then, this is the same job as Vegas. In that case, I’ll continue as is, but instead, play Silver from the Truman Balcony every morning at sunrise.”
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-20--Victim who sent police to wrong house, resulting in SWAT killing an innocent family, is jailed for m

Victim who sent police to wrong house, resulting in SWAT killing an innocent family, is jailed for murder

A rape victim who dialled 911 when the man whose house she was visiting unexpectedly raped her , but got the house number wrong because she had never been there before , and was suffering from PTSD from the attack , was yesterday convicted of murder , when a heavily-armed SWAT team turned up at the address she had given and shot everyone .
This is the latest incident in what has been called “ SWATTING ” – where people falsely report a violent crime to get the police to wipe out someone they don ’ t like .
Under @ @ @ @ @ @ @ informed of a violent incident at a private residence , they are entitled to attend in large numbers , wearing body armour carrying automatic weapons , and to shoot anyone inside the house who doesn ’ t listen to everything they say .
Typical police instructions include “ Get your filthy ass on the floor ” ( please lie down ) , “ Grab the ceiling , dickwad ” ( please put your arms up ) , “ Shut the fuck up ” ( please don ’ t say anything ) , “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ history ” ( please stay where you are ) and “ Do you wan na make something of it , motherfucker ?
” ( please stay out of the way , sir ) .
The rape victim sobbed in court , after she was given sixty years in prison for murder 1 .
The husband and father of her victims told the court what had happened .
“ We were settling down to watch Fox News , when the door burst open , and several heavily armed people in black , wearing night @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at us to get on the floor .
My 2-year-old daughter crawled out of the living room , my wife tried to reach her , and the police shot her .
Then they shot our daughter for disobeying their instructions .
They kept barking orders at me but I couldn ’ t hear what they wanted me to do , due to a threshold shift caused by the gunfire , so they shot my legs off .
I lost my wife , my child and my legs .
I ’ m mad as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the cops to my house by mistake .
I hope she rots in prison.
” A long list of people have ended up being shot in their own houses by trigger-happy cops , because they thought they were being robbed , couldn ’ t hear the instructions amidst all the explosions around them , didn ’ t speak “ cop ” or simply froze in abject fear at the sight of a dozen figures in black masks and uniforms pointing military gear in their faces in their bedroom .
The police operate a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t want to be shot ” , but most people don ’ t realise they can register for “ not being shot ” .
Meanwhile , one Mafia assassin has complained that killing people has become too easy .
`` In the past , you needed to plan your murder for months , now you just dial 911 and let the cops do the killing for you , ” the unnamed hitman told a late-night radio phone-in program .
“ It makes it easier for the amateurs and gives professionals like me a @ @ @ @ @

A rape victim who dialled 911 when the man whose house she was visiting unexpectedly raped her, but got the house number wrong because she had never been there before, and was suffering from PTSD from the attack, was yesterday convicted of murder, when a heavily-armed SWAT team turned up at the address she had given and shot everyone.
This is the latest incident in what has been called “SWATTING” – where people falsely report a violent crime to get the police to wipe out someone they don’t like. Under US law, if the police are informed of a violent incident at a private residence, they are entitled to attend in large numbers, wearing body armour carrying automatic weapons, and to shoot anyone inside the house who doesn’t listen to everything they say. Typical police instructions include “Get your filthy ass on the floor” (please lie down), “Grab the ceiling, dickwad” (please put your arms up), “Shut the fuck up” (please don’t say anything), “Take one step and you’re history” (please stay where you are) and “Do you wanna make something of it, motherfucker?” (please stay out of the way, sir).
The rape victim sobbed in court, after she was given sixty years in prison for murder 1. The husband and father of her victims told the court what had happened. “We were settling down to watch Fox News, when the door burst open, and several heavily armed people in black, wearing night vision googles, charged in and shouted at us to get on the floor. My 2-year-old daughter crawled out of the living room, my wife tried to reach her, and the police shot her. Then they shot our daughter for disobeying their instructions. They kept barking orders at me but I couldn’t hear what they wanted me to do, due to a threshold shift caused by the gunfire, so they shot my legs off. I lost my wife, my child and my legs. I’m mad as hell at the evil bitch who sent the cops to my house by mistake. I hope she rots in prison.”
A long list of people have ended up being shot in their own houses by trigger-happy cops, because they thought they were being robbed, couldn’t hear the instructions amidst all the explosions around them, didn’t speak “cop” or simply froze in abject fear at the sight of a dozen figures in black masks and uniforms pointing military gear in their faces in their bedroom.
The police operate a register of people who “don’t want to be shot”, but most people don’t realise they can register for “not being shot”.
Meanwhile, one Mafia assassin has complained that killing people has become too easy. "In the past, you needed to plan your murder for months, now you just dial 911 and let the cops do the killing for you,” the unnamed hitman told a late-night radio phone-in program. “It makes it easier for the amateurs and gives professionals like me a bad name."”


thespoof--2020-10-20--Toobin's Erection Stimulation Error

Toobin's Erection Stimulation Error

Jeffrey Toobin , famed legal analyst for CNN has been allowed to take time off from the job of belittling Trump to tend to “ a small personal matter ” says the network .
The incident that sparked the trouble occurred during a CNN election show rehearsal , which CNN referred to as an “ election simulation.
” According to Toobin , he thought he had been asked to participate in an “ erection stimulation ” exercise , an honest mistake .
While his co-workers at the network were shocked to find Toobin openly stimulating himself during the zoom call @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his diminutive size .
Of course , the incident has been handled with the usual CNN delicacy , and his coworkers at the network have all rallied around the embarrassed analyst , saying that anyone could have made the same mistake .
“ Jeffrey has been allowed to take some time off to tend to his little personal problem , ” the network announced in the wake of Toobin ’ s exposure .
According to insiders , however , Toobin is not happy with even this mild formulation .
“ My hands are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ” Toobin apparently fumed to his attorneys .
Fox News ’ Sean Hannity took the opportunity to lob a hot take at Toobin ’ s misfortune .
“ I ’ m surprised anyone even noticed Jeffery was masturbating .
My first reaction was that it had to be something to do with the Russians .
Really , there was nothing to see there , ” Hannity joked .

Jeffrey Toobin, famed legal analyst for CNN has been allowed to take time off from the job of belittling Trump to tend to “a small personal matter” says the network.
The incident that sparked the trouble occurred during a CNN election show rehearsal, which CNN referred to as an “election simulation.” According to Toobin, he thought he had been asked to participate in an “erection stimulation” exercise, an honest mistake.
While his co-workers at the network were shocked to find Toobin openly stimulating himself during the zoom call, they were even more shocked at his diminutive size. Of course, the incident has been handled with the usual CNN delicacy, and his coworkers at the network have all rallied around the embarrassed analyst, saying that anyone could have made the same mistake.
“Jeffrey has been allowed to take some time off to tend to his little personal problem,” the network announced in the wake of Toobin’s exposure.
According to insiders, however, Toobin is not happy with even this mild formulation. “My hands are as big as Trump’s hands,” Toobin apparently fumed to his attorneys.
Fox News’ Sean Hannity took the opportunity to lob a hot take at Toobin’s misfortune. “I’m surprised anyone even noticed Jeffery was masturbating. My first reaction was that it had to be something to do with the Russians. Really, there was nothing to see there,” Hannity joked.


thespoof--2020-10-20--People Who Worship Jesus Also Worship Trump Because That’s Forking Laughable

Washington - People in the United States who say they follow the life and teachings of a man who lived @ @ @ @ @ inspired his followers to be humble , kind , considerate , truthful and follow biblical @ @ @ @ @ in deep love with a lying , cowardly , rude rich jerk who can ’ @ @ @ @ @ the same bible .
Some of these churchgoers who , it 's been alleged , @ @ @ @ @ bemoaned the fact that younger citizens didn ’ t seem as interested in religion as @ @ @ @ @ because ... .yeah , no shit , Sherlock , your a bunch of old clueless @ @ @ @ @ any young person want to follow your example ?

Washington - People in the United States who say they follow the life and teachings of a man who lived 2000 years ago, and inspired his followers to be humble, kind, considerate, truthful and follow biblical laws, also have fallen in deep love with a lying, cowardly, rude rich jerk who can’t recite one verse of the same bible.
“Trump is the man who gave up his billionaire lifestyle to save America” said one worshipper at a recent Trump rally, blissfully unaware that the same savior spent 150 million to play golf and jet around the country at taxpayer expense instead of his company paying for it.


thespoof--2020-10-20--President Trump is Now Claiming That Eating McDonalds French Fries is Really What Cured Him of the C

President Trump is Now Claiming That Eating McDonalds French Fries is Really What Cured Him of the Coronavirus

CRACKERHEAD , Georgia – ( Satire News ) – The president spoke before a totally maskless crowd of 218 supporters , who cheered his every word , including 7 times when he sneezed , and 73 times when he coughed .
One front row audience member was overheard telling his girlfriend that Trump looked horrible ; kind of like he had been hit with a bag of bowling balls .
The first lady told CNN ’ s Don Lemon that the president is starting to talk in his sleep .
Melania said that if her husband mentions Stormy Daniels name @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he won ’ t have to worry about losing the election , because she ’ ll cap his ass .
Ivanka ’ s step-mother said that Donaldo , is starting to scare the hell out of her .
When Lemon asked why , she replied that he is telling his sons Don Jr. and Eric that his diet of McDonalds French Fries has cured him of the Coronavirus .
Word coming out of the McDonalds headquarters is that they have just tripled their amount of television commercials , and are focusing on their @ @ @ @

CRACKERHEAD, Georgia – (Satire News) – The president spoke before a totally maskless crowd of 218 supporters, who cheered his every word, including 7 times when he sneezed, and 73 times when he coughed.
One front row audience member was overheard telling his girlfriend that Trump looked horrible; kind of like he had been hit with a bag of bowling balls.
The first lady told CNN’s Don Lemon that the president is starting to talk in his sleep.
Melania said that if her husband mentions Stormy Daniels name one more time in his sleep, he won’t have to worry about losing the election, because she’ll cap his ass.
Ivanka’s step-mother said that Donaldo, is starting to scare the hell out of her.
When Lemon asked why, she replied that he is telling his sons Don Jr. and Eric that his diet of McDonalds French Fries has cured him of the Coronavirus.
Word coming out of the McDonalds headquarters is that they have just tripled their amount of television commercials, and are focusing on their award-winning French Fries.


thespoof--2020-10-19--Donald Trump Fears Debate Kill-Switch

Donald Trump Fears Debate Kill-Switch

Since Donald Trump kept interrupting Joe Biden during the first debate , the Debate Commissions decided the solution was to introduce a kill-switch for Trump ’ s microphone , a loud buzzer when he told a lie , but a heavenly bell-tone when either Trump or Biden gave an acceptable reply .
Learning that he would not be able to bully his way through the next debate , and that he would be reduced to a voiceless pantomime figure like Marcel Marceau , silently waving around his index finger , Trump announced he was pulling out of future debates .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ position with over 220,000 dead , caging children , tax cuts for the wealthy , shakedown of Ukraine , stuffing his pockets by ignoring the Emolument Clause , fabricating lies about his opponent , attempting to arrest his opponents… Fearing the debate kill-switch , Trump held his very own Town Hall , televised by NBC , drilled by Savannah Guthrie , asked follow-up questions , and all alone , without the kill-switch , Trump still lost his very own Town Hall .
Joe Biden received over two million more viewers at his Town @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time .
Thursday , October 22 , MSNBC will televise the final presidential debate .
Unbeknownst to Donald Trump ( shhh ) , there will be a secret kill-switch , and the whole world can watch Donald Trump give a Marcel Marceau performance .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Since Donald Trump kept interrupting Joe Biden during the first debate, the Debate Commissions decided the solution was to introduce a kill-switch for Trump’s microphone, a loud buzzer when he told a lie, but a heavenly bell-tone when either Trump or Biden gave an acceptable reply.
Learning that he would not be able to bully his way through the next debate, and that he would be reduced to a voiceless pantomime figure like Marcel Marceau, silently waving around his index finger, Trump announced he was pulling out of future debates.
Chicken, or bone spurs revisited?
Or knowing he was in an indefensible position with over 220,000 dead, caging children, tax cuts for the wealthy, shakedown of Ukraine, stuffing his pockets by ignoring the Emolument Clause, fabricating lies about his opponent, attempting to arrest his opponents…
Get the picture?
Fearing the debate kill-switch, Trump held his very own Town Hall, televised by NBC, drilled by Savannah Guthrie, asked follow-up questions, and all alone, without the kill-switch, Trump still lost his very own Town Hall.
How?
Joe Biden received over two million more viewers at his Town Hall televised by ABC at the same time.
Thursday, October 22, MSNBC will televise the final presidential debate. Unbeknownst to Donald Trump (shhh), there will be a secret kill-switch, and the whole world can watch Donald Trump give a Marcel Marceau performance.
Heavenly bell tone!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-19--Trump: Kill The Kill Switch

Trump: Kill The Kill Switch

Donald Trump 's campaign managers insist that there be no surprise kill-switch at the next presidential debate .
No way should the networks have the right to snuff off one of Trump ’ s five-minute diatribe ’ s on the evils of Joe Biden and his son , both of whom should be locked up , as well as Hillary Clinton , the world ’ s most famous grandma , after Queen Elizabeth .
If Trump were to sniff out even the possibility of a kill-switch , , he ’ s gon na stay home , Boo-Hoo .
Instead , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ chat by himself .
And maybe a nodding Be Best if she remains in the background .
He would definitely invite a Fox reporter to ask a few questions Trump will provide to get the evening started .
He ’ ll take over the rest of the hour bashing the Biden ’ s , Dr. Fauci , Governor Whitmer , promising to send them all to jail after he ’ s reelected , and don ’ t forget Grandma Clinton ; she ’ s going too .
The news reporter might bravely go @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to go on Dancing With The Stars after losing the election .
Trump will definitely explode !
Cut the feed .
Have the Secret Service arrest the reporter .
Charge the reporter with attempted assassination .
Sent directly to jail .
No bail .
The Debate Committee made vows that there would not be a kill-switch .
A vow is a vow .
Sort of like the Trump vows Trump made at his three weddings .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , @ @

Donald Trump's campaign managers insist that there be no surprise kill-switch at the next presidential debate. No way should the networks have the right to snuff off one of Trump’s five-minute diatribe’s on the evils of Joe Biden and his son, both of whom should be locked up, as well as Hillary Clinton, the world’s most famous grandma, after Queen Elizabeth.
If Trump were to sniff out even the possibility of a kill-switch,, he’s gonna stay home, Boo-Hoo.
Instead, he might have a White House fireside chat by himself. And maybe a nodding Be Best if she remains in the background.
He would definitely invite a Fox reporter to ask a few questions Trump will provide to get the evening started. He’ll take over the rest of the hour bashing the Biden’s, Dr. Fauci, Governor Whitmer, promising to send them all to jail after he’s reelected, and don’t forget Grandma Clinton; she’s going too.
The news reporter might bravely go off script and ask whether Trump plans to go on Dancing With The Stars after losing the election.
Trump will definitely explode! Cut the feed. Have the Secret Service arrest the reporter. Charge the reporter with attempted assassination. Sent directly to jail. No bail.
The Debate Committee made vows that there would not be a kill-switch. A vow is a vow. Sort of like the Trump vows Trump made at his three weddings.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-20--Jeffrey Toolbin to moderate final Presidential Debate

According to the news wire , Jeffrey Toolbin has been promoted by The New Yorker and appointed as the moderator @ @ @ @ @ .
Jeffrey “ tool ” Toobin has selected Michael Jackson ’ s Beat It as @ @ @ @ @ for the debate .
Jeffrey will be equipped with a mute button attached to his @ @ @ @ @ , the President ’ s mic will be hot ; when he zips , Biden @ @ @ @ @ hot .
If things get out of hand , Jeffrey will switch the video to @ @ @ @ @ .
If things REALLY get out of hand , he will remove his pants and @ @ @ @ @ to his tool , which he will work feverishly .

New York, NY - Tool News Service
According to the news wire, Jeffrey Toolbin has been promoted by The New Yorker and appointed as the moderator for the final Presidential Debate. Jeffrey “tool” Toobin has selected Michael Jackson’s Beat It as the theme and background music for the debate.
Jeffrey will be equipped with a mute button attached to his zipper. When he unzips, the President’s mic will be hot; when he zips, Biden’s mic will be hot.
If things get out of hand, Jeffrey will switch the video to his famous Zoom masturbation broadcast.
If things REALLY get out of hand, he will remove his pants and switch both audio and video to his tool, which he will work feverishly.


thespoof--2020-10-20--Trump Goes to Church With Hope Hicks – Where The Hell is Melania?

LAS VEGAS – ( Satire News ) - The Las Vegas Roulette Gazette newspaper is reporting that the president did something that he has not done in 6 years .
He actually set foot in a church .
Trump attended Our Lady of The Roulette Wheel in downtown Las Vegas .
But the shocker was not that he attended church for the first time in half a dozen years , but that he had Hope Hicks sitting next to him .
One churchgoer noted that , if Miss Hicks had been sitting any closer to Trump , she would have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Roulette Gazette states that it is no secret that there is definitely something going on between POTUS and the extremely beautiful and sexy Hicks .
Trump has commented that Hope is just like a daughter .
And as Howard Stern remarked , “ Well , that ’ s exactly the problem .
It does not take a leading psychiatrist to see that Trump has some kind of sick infatuation with Ivanka ( and now with Hope ) .
Stern added that Melania is well aware of the hanky-panky going on between her husband @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and Eric refer to Hicks .
Meanwhile , Hope says that Donald is just like a daddy to her… “ A SUGAR daddy.
” Stern quipped .

LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) - The Las Vegas Roulette Gazette newspaper is reporting that the president did something that he has not done in 6 years. He actually set foot in a church.
Trump attended Our Lady of The Roulette Wheel in downtown Las Vegas.
But the shocker was not that he attended church for the first time in half a dozen years, but that he had Hope Hicks sitting next to him.
One churchgoer noted that, if Miss Hicks had been sitting any closer to Trump, she would have been sitting on his lap.
The Roulette Gazette states that it is no secret that there is definitely something going on between POTUS and the extremely beautiful and sexy Hicks.
Trump has commented that Hope is just like a daughter. And as Howard Stern remarked, “Well, that’s exactly the problem. It does not take a leading psychiatrist to see that Trump has some kind of sick infatuation with Ivanka (and now with Hope).
Stern added that Melania is well aware of the hanky-panky going on between her husband and little Miss Libido, as Melania and Eric refer to Hicks.
Meanwhile, Hope says that Donald is just like a daddy to her…“A SUGAR daddy.” Stern quipped.


thespoof--2020-10-21--Biden Receiving Juvenile Chimpanzee Blood Plasma Before Debate

BILLINGSGATE POST : If Sleepy Joe comes out swinging from a vine before the debate tomorrow night , don ’ t be surprised .
The secret is out .
He is receiving chimpanzee blood plasma transfusions this week to rejuvenate himself .
Crack investigative reporter , Detrick “ Dirty Trick ” Detwiler , who has been posted outside the basement headquarters of Joe Biden ’ s home , noticed that Chimp Ambrosia vans , with white-coated interns at the ready , were parked outside of his Delaware mansion .
Chimp Ambrosia has been the leader in providing “ Chimpanzee Youth @ @ @ @ @ @ @ old men who have lost a link or two in their brain synapses .
Normally , recipients would receive one liter of the blood plasma donated by juvenile chimpanzees .
But it is being reported by Dirty Trick that Biden is receiving the “ El Grande ” special , where , for an extra $ 5,000 , you get a double dose .
However , this dosage comes with a warning that some recipients have an uncontrollable urge to play with themselves .
It has been reported that CNN legal beagle , Jeffrey @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to his unfortunate ZOOM conference this week .
Slim : “ Mothers , don ’ t let your children watch this debate tomorrow night.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
If Sleepy Joe has hairy palms , cover your eyes .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: If Sleepy Joe comes out swinging from a vine before the debate tomorrow night, don’t be surprised. The secret is out. He is receiving chimpanzee blood plasma transfusions this week to rejuvenate himself.
Crack investigative reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, who has been posted outside the basement headquarters of Joe Biden’s home, noticed that Chimp Ambrosia vans, with white-coated interns at the ready, were parked outside of his Delaware mansion.
Chimp Ambrosia has been the leader in providing “Chimpanzee Youth Therapy” blood plasma transfusions to rejuvenate old men who have lost a link or two in their brain synapses.
Normally, recipients would receive one liter of the blood plasma donated by juvenile chimpanzees. But it is being reported by Dirty Trick that Biden is receiving the “El Grande” special, where, for an extra $5,000, you get a double dose. However, this dosage comes with a warning that some recipients have an uncontrollable urge to play with themselves. It has been reported that CNN legal beagle, Jeffrey Toobin, had received this plasma prior to his unfortunate ZOOM conference this week.
Slim: “Mothers, don’t let your children watch this debate tomorrow night.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If Sleepy Joe has hairy palms, cover your eyes.”


thespoof--2020-10-21--Man Says He'd Like To Rip President Trump's Head Off, And Shit Down His Throat

A man who has become completely fed up of news about the US presidential election , and so entirely disillusioned with the state of politics in general , and American politics in particular , has said that , if the opportinity ever arose , he 'd very much like to rip President Donald Trump 's head off , and shit down his throat .
The man , Moys Kenwood , 57 , feels he has been bombarded and totally overwhelmed by constant news of President Trump 's ridiculous antics and nonsensical utterings , and would gleefully wreak great vengeance upon @ @ @ @ @ @ @ present itself .
Various political low points have been reached during Trump 's term as leader , but he never stops , and , rather than just wanting him to lose the November 3 presidential election , Kenwood says he 'd like to 'go one further ' , and to do something demonstrably vicious .
`` Yes , '' he said , `` it would be easy to have him arrested , tried and , hopefully , imprisoned , once he loses against Biden , but I 'm trying to be more creative @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of bad behavior since January 2016 , alienating great swathes of both the American public and leaders abroad , with his one-man demolition of once-proud US political institutions , and reducing to dust the long-standing solid relations the country had with its neighbors , both north and south .
`` I could quite pull his innards out .
Or pour a bucket of blood over his head .
Anything to please the crowds ! ''

A man who has become completely fed up of news about the US presidential election, and so entirely disillusioned with the state of politics in general, and American politics in particular, has said that, if the opportinity ever arose, he'd very much like to rip President Donald Trump's head off, and shit down his throat.
The man, Moys Kenwood, 57, feels he has been bombarded and totally overwhelmed by constant news of President Trump's ridiculous antics and nonsensical utterings, and would gleefully wreak great vengeance upon him, if only the chance would present itself.
Various political low points have been reached during Trump's term as leader, but he never stops, and, rather than just wanting him to lose the November 3 presidential election, Kenwood says he'd like to 'go one further', and to do something demonstrably vicious.
"Yes," he said, "it would be easy to have him arrested, tried and, hopefully, imprisoned, once he loses against Biden, but I'm trying to be more creative."
Trump has plumbed the depths of bad behavior since January 2016, alienating great swathes of both the American public and leaders abroad, with his one-man demolition of once-proud US political institutions, and reducing to dust the long-standing solid relations the country had with its neighbors, both north and south.
Said Kenwood:
"I could quite pull his innards out. Or pour a bucket of blood over his head. Anything to please the crowds!"


thespoof--2020-10-21--President Trump Campaigns in Pennsylvania and Calls Dr. Fauci, Senator Sasse, and Tucker Carlson Idi

President Trump Campaigns in Pennsylvania and Calls Dr. Fauci, Senator Sasse, and Tucker Carlson Idiots

QUAKER OATS , Pennsylvania – ( Political Satire ) – A White House source reveals that Trump is getting crazier and crazier with each passing day .
The source told iNews , the president can not stand that millions of his supporters are now starting to see him for what he really is – a low-life , swamp-dwelling con artist .
They add that the hate-monger will eventually , even stab his own daughter , Ivanka , in the back , figuratively speaking , of course .
Trump spoke in Quaker Oats , Pennsylvania , home of the minor league @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
And , within four minutes of starting his speech , he had already called Dr. Fauci , Senator Ben Sasse , and Fox News mouthpiece Tucker Carlson idiots .
He has even referred to his son Eric , as a semi-idiot .
The president is well aware that his devoted red MAGA cap-wearing followers will swallow his favorite saying : `` if you repeat a lie over , and over again , there are some dumbass gullible folks who will believe it . ''
POTUS truly believes that the IQ of his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He knows that his fans would believe him if he told them that his future-daughter-in-law , Kimberly Guilfoyle , is really a transgendered Norwegian midget named Vossheim Fiord .

QUAKER OATS, Pennsylvania – (Political Satire) – A White House source reveals that Trump is getting crazier and crazier with each passing day.
The source told iNews, the president cannot stand that millions of his supporters are now starting to see him for what he really is – a low-life, swamp-dwelling con artist.
They add that the hate-monger will eventually, even stab his own daughter, Ivanka, in the back, figuratively speaking, of course.
Trump spoke in Quaker Oats, Pennsylvania, home of the minor league baseball team, the Quaker Oats Pilgrims.
And, within four minutes of starting his speech, he had already called Dr. Fauci, Senator Ben Sasse, and Fox News mouthpiece Tucker Carlson idiots.
He has even referred to his son Eric, as a semi-idiot.
The president is well aware that his devoted red MAGA cap-wearing followers will swallow his favorite saying: "if you repeat a lie over, and over again, there are some dumbass gullible folks who will believe it."
POTUS truly believes that the IQ of his base is somewhere between 16 and 17.
He knows that his fans would believe him if he told them that his future-daughter-in-law, Kimberly Guilfoyle, is really a transgendered Norwegian midget named Vossheim Fiord.


thespoof--2020-10-22--USA Becomes Banana Republic of America as Strongman Tries to Have Political Opponent Arrested

Washington - It was learned the countries around the world have started referring to the United States as BRA , @ @ @ @ @ .
At the head of the U.S. is Commandant Donald Trump , a man who @ @ @ @ @ but loves military parades , who has appointed himself leader for life .
Trump , @ @ @ @ @ is currently trying to have all of his political opponents rounded up , including the @ @ @ @ @ election , Joe Biden .
He directed his personal Consigliere and alleged Attorney General of @ @ @ @ @ Barr , to file charges against the former Vice President .
The charges against Mr. @ @ @ @ @ son who got a job in Ukraine .
Commandant Trump does n't like Ukraine after @ @ @ @ @ investigated , even after Trump offered them millions of dollars to do so .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ who all somehow either got jobs in the Banana Republic of America or rent hotel @ @ @ @ @ lashed out at the son of Biden for participating in nepotism .

Washington - It was learned the countries around the world have started referring to the United States as BRA, the Banana Republic of America. At the head of the U.S. is Commandant Donald Trump, a man who skipped out on military service but loves military parades, who has appointed himself leader for life.
Trump, in true autocrat fashion, is currently trying to have all of his political opponents rounded up, including the man opposing him in the election, Joe Biden. He directed his personal Consigliere and alleged Attorney General of the Banana Republic, Bill Barr, to file charges against the former Vice President.
The charges against Mr. Biden would include having a son who got a job in Ukraine. Commandant Trump doesn't like Ukraine after they refused to have Biden investigated, even after Trump offered them millions of dollars to do so.
Trump's trust fund children, who all somehow either got jobs in the Banana Republic of America or rent hotel rooms to the country, lashed out at the son of Biden for participating in nepotism.


thespoof--2020-10-22--Twitter and other corporations to monitor second debate with FOX News interpreters standing by

The second and final debate between President Trump and contender Joe Biden will take place tonight at Belmont University in Nashville , Tennessee .
Topics include Covid-19 , climate change , national security , and leadership , with moderator Kristen Welker , of NBC News .
Plastic shields between all participants are being cleaned as we speak .
Mr. Biden will wear three masks , and has called for Mr. Trump to take a Covid-19 test before , during , and after the discussion .
He is also rumored to be wearing a small oxygen device mounted on his left @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he will not wear a mask , “ being perfectly healthy and immune -- I 've already had it—and let me add I 'm particularly immune from the sort of thing now surfacing on a certain laptop.
” Mr. Fauci and Ms. Birx have expressed strong disapproval of the President 's not wearing a mask , to which Mr. Trump has responded : “ Idiots !
” Mr. Trump has vowed to introduce the unstated topic ( Twitter et al on guard for any references ) , which involves Mr. Biden and his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in controversy over dealings with a certain Ukraine gas corporation giant , Burisma Holdings .
At issue is a “ pay-for-play ” problem suggesting influence-peddling , plus other problems .
The President was also accused of similar improper behavior in the past year , leading to an impeachment effort that failed .
However , mainstream influences in American politics , guided by Twitter , Google , Facebook , and Amazon have taken the lead that they will not allow reports of any references outside the debate topics already chosen .
NBC will promptly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ via his `` mute switch '' .
FOX News , however , has a different idea with its own presence in the debate studio .
Sign language interpreters will stand by , behind their own plastic shields , ready for any indications of verbiage being “ muted ” by the moderator .
If Mr. Trump is saying something off-topic , but muted , these sign language experts will relay via sign language exactly what he is saying .
Mr. Biden 's response , difficult as it will be to pick up from behind @ @ @ @ @ @ @ relayed to an eager audience weighing in on the controversy .
“ Fairness , that 's all we ask , ” has stated FOX 's Tucker Carlson .
“ Fairness ?
” rejoined Hunter Biden .
“ Are we that stupid , to do what they 're saying ?
Honestly , my God.
” “ And I certainly was n't making 50,000 a month with that company , believe me .
I would remember that , would n't I ?
And I do n't !
”

The second and final debate between President Trump and contender Joe Biden will take place tonight at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee.
Topics include Covid-19, climate change, national security, and leadership, with moderator Kristen Welker, of NBC News.
Plastic shields between all participants are being cleaned as we speak.
Mr. Biden will wear three masks, and has called for Mr. Trump to take a Covid-19 test before, during, and after the discussion.
He is also rumored to be wearing a small oxygen device mounted on his left shoulder blade.
Mr. Trump has indicated he will not wear a mask, “being perfectly healthy and immune--I've already had it—and let me add I'm particularly immune from the sort of thing now surfacing on a certain laptop.”
Mr. Fauci and Ms. Birx have expressed strong disapproval of the President's not wearing a mask, to which Mr. Trump has responded: “Idiots!”
Mr. Trump has vowed to introduce the unstated topic (Twitter et al on guard for any references), which involves Mr. Biden and his son Hunter.
These gentlemen are embroiled in controversy over dealings with a certain Ukraine gas corporation giant, Burisma Holdings.
At issue is a “pay-for-play” problem suggesting influence-peddling, plus other problems.
The President was also accused of similar improper behavior in the past year, leading to an impeachment effort that failed.
However, mainstream influences in American politics, guided by Twitter, Google, Facebook, and Amazon have taken the lead that they will not allow reports of any references outside the debate topics already chosen.
NBC will promptly shut down any such murmurings from Trump via his "mute switch".
FOX News, however, has a different idea with its own presence in the debate studio.
Sign language interpreters will stand by, behind their own plastic shields, ready for any indications of verbiage being “muted” by the moderator.
If Mr. Trump is saying something off-topic, but muted, these sign language experts will relay via sign language exactly what he is saying.
Mr. Biden's response, difficult as it will be to pick up from behind his three masks, will also be relayed to an eager audience weighing in on the controversy.
“Fairness, that's all we ask,” has stated FOX's Tucker Carlson.
“Fairness?” rejoined Hunter Biden. “Are we that stupid, to do what they're saying? Honestly, my God.”
“And I certainly wasn't making 50,000 a month with that company, believe me. I would remember that, wouldn't I? And I don't!”


thespoof--2020-10-22--Secret Documents Reveal That Rudy Giuliani is A Russian Spy

BALTIMORE – ( Satire News ) – Documents have been discovered by the iNews organization that clearly show that Trump @ @ @ @ @ Giuliani is , in fact , a Russian agent .
Although millions of Americans have @ @ @ @ @ it had never been proven , until the diligent work performed by iNews , who @ @ @ @ @ fakest fake news of all the fake news .
The story broke after Giuliani was @ @ @ @ @ with one of Moscow ’ s most notorious prostitutes , Valeriya Slutakoski ( 38DD-24-36 ) @ @ @ @ @ , the President said he does not know Rudy Giuliani , and added that he @ @ @ @ @ with a man who is uglier than the bottom of Florida ’ s Okefenokee Swamp @ @ @ @ @ Hannity , that he has it from an excellent GOP source , that Rudy was @ @ @ @ @ Russia , and not in Brooklyn , as he has claimed .

BALTIMORE – (Satire News) – Documents have been discovered by the iNews organization that clearly show that Trump attorney and long-time friend Rudy Giuliani is, in fact, a Russian agent.
Although millions of Americans have suspected that all along, it had never been proven, until the diligent work performed by iNews, who Trump has said is the fakest fake news of all the fake news.
The story broke after Giuliani was spotted in an intimate embrace with one of Moscow’s most notorious prostitutes, Valeriya Slutakoski (38DD-24-36).
When asked to comment, the President said he does not know Rudy Giuliani, and added that he would never, ever associate with a man who is uglier than the bottom of Florida’s Okefenokee Swamp.
Trump recently told Sean Hannity, that he has it from an excellent GOP source, that Rudy was actually born in Snowballs, Russia, and not in Brooklyn, as he has claimed.


thespoof--2020-10-22--President Donald Trump Says He Has Accepted an Invitation From the Proud Boys to Speak at Their Next

President Donald Trump Says He Has Accepted an Invitation From the Proud Boys to Speak at Their Next National Meeting

VENUS FLYTRAP , North Carolina – ( Satire News ) – Weeks after the presidential debate , President Trump is still claiming that he won the biggest presidential debate going all the way back to George Washington and Ebenezer Follicle .
Trump , who is still bitter , told the North Carolina audience he not only defeated Joe Biden , he also defeated the Fox News moderator Chris Wallace , and the entire audience that were all Biden plants .
POTUS commented that Biden and Wallace ganged up on him like a WWE tag team .
Trump told his MAGA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who sold Joe Biden the answers to all of the 47 debate questions for $ 850 .
The president was later asked by CNN 's Jim Acosta why he had not denounced white extremist groups like the Proud Boys , who are a far-right racist organization .
Trump said that it is really none of his or anyone else 's damn business .
The president then really shocked Acosta when he told him that he has accepted an invitation to speak at the next national meeting of the Proud Boys .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ evil .
Trump said they 're just guys , who are good people , and some are even really , really good people .
In Other News : First lady Melania Trump is reportedly still texting with a certain NBA player .

VENUS FLYTRAP, North Carolina – (Satire News) – Weeks after the presidential debate, President Trump is still claiming that he won the biggest presidential debate going all the way back to George Washington and Ebenezer Follicle.
Trump, who is still bitter, told the North Carolina audience he not only defeated Joe Biden, he also defeated the Fox News moderator Chris Wallace, and the entire audience that were all Biden plants.
POTUS commented that Biden and Wallace ganged up on him like a WWE tag team.
Trump told his MAGA base that Wallace is a fake moderator, who sold Joe Biden the answers to all of the 47 debate questions for $850.
The president was later asked by CNN's Jim Acosta why he had not denounced white extremist groups like the Proud Boys, who are a far-right racist organization.
Trump said that it is really none of his or anyone else's damn business.
The president then really shocked Acosta when he told him that he has accepted an invitation to speak at the next national meeting of the Proud Boys.
The CNN reporter told him that they're evil.
Trump said they're just guys, who are good people, and some are even really, really good people.
In Other News: First lady Melania Trump is reportedly still texting with a certain NBA player.


thespoof--2020-10-22--Trump’s Long Time Personal Executive Assistant Reveals The Real Trump in Her Tell-All Book “The Towe

Trump’s Long Time Personal Executive Assistant Reveals The Real Trump in Her Tell-All Book “The Tower of Lots and Lots of Lies”

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – There are only a handful of individuals who really and truly can say that they know the real Donald Trump ; the one that keeps a KKK hood and robe in his clothes closet .
And one of those rare people is Barbara Res , who , for 18 years , saw the Donald ’ s comings and goings from the very front row .
Res reveals in her book that she soon learned that DJT is one of the biggest racists since Ann Coulter , Jeff Sessions , Marge Schott @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that her boss did not like Jews , blacks , Mohawks , Filipinos , Eskimos , and many others .
The former executive assistant said that he was so bigoted , that he refused to even use the term “ Black Friday ” , and , instead , called the day after Thanksgiving , “ German Friday ” .
She wrote that Trump used to tell her that millions of beautiful , well-endowed women were after his stuff .
She said that , one time , she told him that the only stuff @ @ @ @ @ @ @ When Trump was asked about Barbara Res , he claimed that he did not know her , had never met her , and had never grabbed her muffin .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – There are only a handful of individuals who really and truly can say that they know the real Donald Trump; the one that keeps a KKK hood and robe in his clothes closet.
And one of those rare people is Barbara Res, who, for 18 years, saw the Donald’s comings and goings from the very front row.
Res reveals in her book that she soon learned that DJT is one of the biggest racists since Ann Coulter, Jeff Sessions, Marge Schott, and Adolf Hitler.
She noted that her boss did not like Jews, blacks, Mohawks, Filipinos, Eskimos, and many others.
The former executive assistant said that he was so bigoted, that he refused to even use the term “Black Friday”, and, instead, called the day after Thanksgiving, “German Friday”.
She wrote that Trump used to tell her that millions of beautiful, well-endowed women were after his stuff.
She said that, one time, she told him that the only stuff they were after was his money.
When Trump was asked about Barbara Res, he claimed that he did not know her, had never met her, and had never grabbed her muffin.


thespoof--2020-10-22--Kansas Bans The Phrase ‘Christmas Elves are Fairies’

TOPEKA , Kansas – ( Satire News ) – The Kansas state legislature has just announced that they have voted to ban a phrase that was offensive to many Kansans who are gay .
The phrase is ‘ Christmas elves are fairies ’ .
The amendment known as Fairies 41-F passed by a vote of 53 to 47 .
So , effective at midnight on 10/22/20 , any citizen of Kansas , or any out-of-state visitor , who uses that phrase in public will be fined $ 905 .
The legislature pointed out that $ 900 will go to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ go to the Gay Politicians Fund .
Life-long gay truck driver Roy “ Bambi ” Ricatelli said that it ’ s about time that the phrase , which first came into prominence during the Christmas holidays back in 2001 , be officially banned .
Meanwhile , Mayor Mason Frippy , 83 , of Sunflower Seed , Kansas , told TMZ , that he is still going to use that phrase , just like he has for the past 19 years .
The mayor confessed that he is not anti-gay , he just doesn @ @ @ @ @ @

TOPEKA, Kansas – (Satire News) – The Kansas state legislature has just announced that they have voted to ban a phrase that was offensive to many Kansans who are gay.
The phrase is ‘Christmas elves are fairies’.
The amendment known as Fairies 41-F passed by a vote of 53 to 47.
So, effective at midnight on 10/22/20, any citizen of Kansas, or any out-of-state visitor, who uses that phrase in public will be fined $905.
The legislature pointed out that $900 will go to the state treasury, and $5 will go to the Gay Politicians Fund.
Life-long gay truck driver Roy “Bambi” Ricatelli said that it’s about time that the phrase, which first came into prominence during the Christmas holidays back in 2001, be officially banned.
Meanwhile, Mayor Mason Frippy, 83, of Sunflower Seed, Kansas, told TMZ, that he is still going to use that phrase, just like he has for the past 19 years.
The mayor confessed that he is not anti-gay, he just doesn’t like sissy elves.


thespoof--2020-10-23--Judge Who’s Sure 2 Penguins Walked to An Ark in Iraq in 2000 BC Says Climate Science is Controversia

Judge Who’s Sure 2 Penguins Walked to An Ark in Iraq in 2000 BC Says Climate Science is Controversial

Washington - Judge Amy Coney Barrett , during her testimony in the Senate last week , declared that the idea @ @ @ @ @ changing due to the burning of fossil fuels was “ controversial ” .
This , @ @ @ @ @ entirety of research performed by published scientists has proven that climate change is fact .
@ @ @ @ @ Catholic faith is strong , pleasing her GOP supporters .
The Church believes that the @ @ @ @ @ years ago , and that all species on Earth were descended from mating pairs of @ @ @ @ @ vessel , thus avoiding being drowned by a flood that covered the Earth , around @ @ @ @ @ fossil fuels were placed in the Earth by God , according to Evangelicals , so @ @ @ @ @ pollution or global warming , since the faithful will be taken up in the rapture @ @ @ @ @ to figure out how to save God ’ s creation .

Washington - Judge Amy Coney Barrett, during her testimony in the Senate last week, declared that the idea that the World climate was changing due to the burning of fossil fuels was “controversial”.
This, despite the reality that the entirety of research performed by published scientists has proven that climate change is fact.
Barrett also confirmed that her Catholic faith is strong, pleasing her GOP supporters. The Church believes that the Earth was created about 8,000 years ago, and that all species on Earth were descended from mating pairs of animals that boarded a wooden vessel, thus avoiding being drowned by a flood that covered the Earth, around 6,000 years ago.
The fossil fuels were placed in the Earth by God, according to Evangelicals, so we need not worry about pollution or global warming, since the faithful will be taken up in the rapture anyway, leaving the unbelievers to figure out how to save God’s creation.


thespoof--2020-10-22--Trump Tells Leslie Stahl That Biden Had Sex With Three Women While Driving A Fork Lift

BILLINGSGATE POST : Before walking out of a controversial interview with 60 Minutes reporter , Leslie Stahl , Donald Trump @ @ @ @ @ by a QAnon insider that they have a tape of Sleepy Joe Biden having sex @ @ @ @ @ driving a fork lift down a street in Shanghai .
This disturbing information on Biden @ @ @ @ @ story that he received a $ 1,000,000 kickback of laundered cash from an influence-peddling deal @ @ @ @ @ a Beijing billionaire in 2017 .
Yesterday , a spokesperson from the FBI informed Detrick @ @ @ @ @ that they have Hunter Biden ’ s laptop in their possession , and that they @ @ @ @ @ laundering information on the computer ’ s hard drive .
Slim : “ Walk me @ @ @ @ @ women on a forklift .
C ’ mon , man !
” Dirty : “ @ @ @ @ @ kinky to me .
Wonder if he ’ s ever tried that on a Bobcat @ @

BILLINGSGATE POST: Before walking out of a controversial interview with 60 Minutes reporter, Leslie Stahl, Donald Trump alleged that he was informed by a QAnon insider that they have a tape of Sleepy Joe Biden having sex with three Chinese women while driving a fork lift down a street in Shanghai.
This disturbing information on Biden comes on top of the story that he received a $1,000,000 kickback of laundered cash from an influence-peddling deal made by his son with a Beijing billionaire in 2017.
Yesterday, a spokesperson from the FBI informed Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler that they have Hunter Biden’s laptop in their possession, and that they are looking into possible money laundering information on the computer’s hard drive.
Slim: “Walk me through that one. Three women on a forklift. C’mon, man!”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Sounds kinky to me. Wonder if he’s ever tried that on a Bobcat?”