thespoof--2020-06-15--Donald Trump Says The Republican National Committee Convention Will Be Held in Jacksonville, Florida

Donald Trump Says The Republican National Committee Convention Will Be Held in Jacksonville, Florida Come Hell, High Water, or The C-19

LAKE CHARLES , Louisiana – The president flew down to the Bayou State of Louisiana , to meet with a highly reputable Cajun voodoo practitioner .
Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that the president met with Lottie Jo Lafayette , who is considered to be the nation 's top voodoo woman .
McEnany informed the media that POTUS was just going to see about getting some information about possibly treating his weird two-handed water glass drinking affliction .
Kay-Kay said that she does not want to have the media go on and on , about how DJT may have all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pointed out that no one is closer to the president than her , and she has observed that he looks even better now , than when he was a philandering playboy at the age of 27 .
McEnany informed the media that DJT is not the least bit concerned about the Coronavirus , since it is nothing more than a hoax perpetuated by every single card-carrying Democrat , and maybe 28 or so RINOS .
“ Pee Wee ” as Melania calls Kayleigh , added that the RNC Convention will be held at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hell , highwater , and of course COVID-19

LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana – The president flew down to the Bayou State of Louisiana, to meet with a highly reputable Cajun voodoo practitioner.
Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that the president met with Lottie Jo Lafayette, who is considered to be the nation's top voodoo woman.
McEnany informed the media that POTUS was just going to see about getting some information about possibly treating his weird two-handed water glass drinking affliction.
Kay-Kay said that she does not want to have the media go on and on, about how DJT may have all kinds of weird African maladies.
She pointed out that no one is closer to the president than her, and she has observed that he looks even better now, than when he was a philandering playboy at the age of 27.
McEnany informed the media that DJT is not the least bit concerned about the Coronavirus, since it is nothing more than a hoax perpetuated by every single card-carrying Democrat, and maybe 28 or so RINOS.
“Pee Wee” as Melania calls Kayleigh, added that the RNC Convention will be held at The Tangerine Seed Auditorium in Jacksonville come hell, highwater, and of course COVID-19


thespoof--2020-06-15--Border Patrol Agents Sink a Canadian Submarine Trying To Smuggle Pot into the USA

DETROIT – Members of the United States Border Patrol report that they have sunk a submarine , in Lake Erie @ @ @ @ @ pounds of marijuana .
Agent Charlize Buckbush , 29 , stated that the strain of @ @ @ @ @ Moronic , is one of Canada ’ s most popular , especially with adults over @ @ @ @ @ The cannabis is reported to have a street value of $ 257,005 .
Agent Buckbush @ @ @ @ @ the pot , agents also seized $ 97,375 in Canadian quarters , and 805 pounds @ @ @ @ @ All of the haul was removed from the sub and placed in a U-Haul truck @ @ @ @ @ `` Lola '' , was then sunk by hitting it 14 times with an X-003 @ @ @ @ @ to a Border Patrol spokesman , the marijuana was taken to the mayor ’ s @ @ @ @ @ were placed in a safe at the mayor 's home .
Meanwhile , the Canadian @ @ @ @ @ of happy , cheering homeless people in Detroit , Dearborn , and Wyandotte .

DETROIT – Members of the United States Border Patrol report that they have sunk a submarine, in Lake Erie, that was carrying 265 pounds of marijuana.
Agent Charlize Buckbush, 29, stated that the strain of marijuana, known as Montreal Moronic, is one of Canada’s most popular, especially with adults over the age of 60.
The cannabis is reported to have a street value of $257,005.
Agent Buckbush added that, along with the pot, agents also seized $97,375 in Canadian quarters, and 805 pounds of prime Canadian bacon.
All of the haul was removed from the sub and placed in a U-Haul truck.
The submarine, named "Lola", was then sunk by hitting it 14 times with an X-003 Bam-Bam Rocket Launcher.
According to a Border Patrol spokesman, the marijuana was taken to the mayor’s office, and the quarters were placed in a safe at the mayor's home.
Meanwhile, the Canadian bacon was distributed to hundreds of happy, cheering homeless people in Detroit, Dearborn, and Wyandotte.


thespoof--2020-06-15--The Hate-Spewing Tucker Carlson Has Already Had 41 Advertisers Drop His Show

NEW YORK CITY – A staff member on the Tucker Carlson Show , which airs on the Fox News Channel ( aka Trump Central ) , reports that he has already lost 41 advertisers and counting .
The reason for the mass sponsor exodus is due to the fact that `` Tucky , '' as he is called by his wife , stated that Black men are only good at sports because they are Black .
Carlson tried to crawfish the remark back , adding he meant to say that the Chinese people are very good with chopsticks , simply @ @ @ @ @ @ @ LeBron James said that Tucker looks like a creepy gargoyle with those zombie-like eyes of his .
Ann Coulter , GOP pundit , and woman who hates Carlson even more than Nancy Pelosi does , added that 97 % of all women say that “ Duh-Duh Face ” makes their skin crawl .
She then added , `` My goodness , that even includes those women who work as carnival freaks . ''
Some of the biggest sponsors to drop Tuckette , so far include The Walt Disney Corp , Papa Johns Pizza @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Condoms , Norwegian Airlines , Oopsie Daisy Birth Control Pills , and the KKK .

NEW YORK CITY – A staff member on the Tucker Carlson Show, which airs on the Fox News Channel (aka Trump Central), reports that he has already lost 41 advertisers and counting.
The reason for the mass sponsor exodus is due to the fact that "Tucky," as he is called by his wife, stated that Black men are only good at sports because they are Black.
Carlson tried to crawfish the remark back, adding he meant to say that the Chinese people are very good with chopsticks, simply because they are Chinese.
NBA superstar LeBron James said that Tucker looks like a creepy gargoyle with those zombie-like eyes of his.
Ann Coulter, GOP pundit, and woman who hates Carlson even more than Nancy Pelosi does, added that 97% of all women say that “Duh-Duh Face” makes their skin crawl.
She then added, "My goodness, that even includes those women who work as carnival freaks."
Some of the biggest sponsors to drop Tuckette, so far include The Walt Disney Corp, Papa Johns Pizza, Preparation H, Paul Bunyan Brand Condoms, Norwegian Airlines, Oopsie Daisy Birth Control Pills, and the KKK.


thespoof--2020-06-16--President Trump Has a Fantastic Idea For When He Loses The Presidential Election

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Donald Trump recently met with his top advisers , Kellyanne Conway , Ivanka Trump , and Cyrus Monongahela , in the secondary Oval Office .
He told them that , as he was non-stop tweeting at 3:45 am , he had a visionary vision about him losing the election in a record-breaking landslide .
He said that , suddenly , he looked in the mirror , and he saw that he was wearing a king ’ s crown on his beautiful , perfectly-shaped head .
He went downstairs and ate four pieces of chocolate cake , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ kicks his ass , he will simply declare himself to be king .
With him having the power of making Presidential Executive Orders he can simply assume the role of being America 's first king .
He informed his advisers that , in that way , he will not have to vacate the White House , and will , in fact , have it turned into an English-looking castle .
His daughter , Ivanka , was extremely thrilled , as she said that ever since she was a little girl , she had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Kellyanne smiled , and asked , “ So then , Mr. President , what will that make me ?
” He looked at her , and said that she will still be the wife of the man that he hates more than anyone else in the entire world , including Robert De Niro , Kathy Griffin , Colin Kaepernick , Don Lemon , and Chang Loo Foo .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump recently met with his top advisers, Kellyanne Conway, Ivanka Trump, and Cyrus Monongahela, in the secondary Oval Office.
He told them that, as he was non-stop tweeting at 3:45 am, he had a visionary vision about him losing the election in a record-breaking landslide.
He said that, suddenly, he looked in the mirror, and he saw that he was wearing a king’s crown on his beautiful, perfectly-shaped head.
He went downstairs and ate four pieces of chocolate cake, and realized that, when Joe Biden kicks his ass, he will simply declare himself to be king.
With him having the power of making Presidential Executive Orders he can simply assume the role of being America's first king.
He informed his advisers that, in that way, he will not have to vacate the White House, and will, in fact, have it turned into an English-looking castle.
His daughter, Ivanka, was extremely thrilled, as she said that ever since she was a little girl, she had always wanted to be a princess.
Kellyanne smiled, and asked, “So then, Mr. President, what will that make me?”
He looked at her, and said that she will still be the wife of the man that he hates more than anyone else in the entire world, including Robert De Niro, Kathy Griffin, Colin Kaepernick, Don Lemon, and Chang Loo Foo.


thespoof--2020-06-16--Fox News Keeps Viewers In State of Insane Rage

Fox News ’ slanted coverage of political news , according to three recent studies , has kept the GOP base in a constant state of rage , forcing GOP politicians to shift further right to satisfy the demands of their voter base .
So , to prevent further totally dangerous rightward shifts that threaten their re-election , incumbent GOP senators and representatives have established “ anger groups ” on the Internet .
The groups use Skype , which enables up to fifty people to connect with one another at a time .
Fox News viewers are carefully selected for the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yell such words and terms as “ kill ” , “ maim ” , “ slash ” , “ torture ” , “ evil democrats ” , “ Biden kills babies ” , “ Cruel Nancy ” , “ Torment Pelosi ” , and “ Die Shifty Schiff ” .
The shrieking usually becomes chant-like , and members bang drums to accompany loud , guttural sounds .
Said GOP Senate Majority Leader , Mitch McConnell , “ The Fox News viewers have driven me to take absolutely insane policy positions to appease their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anger groups will enable people to still watch Fox , but remain insane at a level that doesn ’ t drive me any more to the right than I ’ ve gone , which is pretty near off a cliff .
”

Fox News’ slanted coverage of political news, according to three recent studies, has kept the GOP base in a constant state of rage, forcing GOP politicians to shift further right to satisfy the demands of their voter base. So, to prevent further totally dangerous rightward shifts that threaten their re-election, incumbent GOP senators and representatives have established “anger groups” on the Internet.
The groups use Skype, which enables up to fifty people to connect with one another at a time. Fox News viewers are carefully selected for the groups.
Typically, the clusters collectively yell such words and terms as “kill”, “maim”, “slash”, “torture”, “evil democrats”, “Biden kills babies”, “Cruel Nancy”, “Torment Pelosi”, and “Die Shifty Schiff”. The shrieking usually becomes chant-like, and members bang drums to accompany loud, guttural sounds.
Said GOP Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, “The Fox News viewers have driven me to take absolutely insane policy positions to appease their rage. I think the new Skype anger groups will enable people to still watch Fox, but remain insane at a level that doesn’t drive me any more to the right than I’ve gone, which is pretty near off a cliff.”


thespoof--2020-06-16--Trump Claims Bone Spurs On Coronavirus And Quits

President Trump is quitting the coronavirus pandemic , claiming , `` If we don ’ t test , there won ’ t be any numbers to say we have coronavirus .
Therefore , we ’ ve conquered coronavirus .
No numbers , no virus ! ''
So , if someone dies , and there is no death certificate to say he died , that means he ’ s still alive , though probably sinking .
Enter Trump ’ s Men ’ s Cologne .
Flood the place with it .
The same thing worked on election night 2016 .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ numbers in four states .
Trump wins the Electoral College .
Trump ’ s in the White House .
Another example of pure genius , once again .
Stop reporting acts of police brutality , and guess what ?
There won ’ t be any police brutality .
Clear , peaceful demonstrators in Lafayette Park with mounted police , tear gas , rubber bullets , batons , and guess what ?
There isn ’ t a demonstration .
No demonstrators .
Then Trump can go to the steps of St. John ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tree stump , and hold up a bible .
More genius !
Announce you got a real love letter from Kin Jong-un , of North Korea .
Everything is just peachy rosy .
So he tests an intercontinental ballistic missile ?
So ?
Nobody died !
Same with China .
Trump used the chocolate cake diplomacy on China and , China loves him , he says .
Announce that Putin was right , and all of the U.S. intelligence agencies were wrong about Putin interfering with the 2016 election .
Putin just loves @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t kick ass , and you win every time .
So Trump is quitting on coronavirus .
No testing .
No numbers .
It ’ s gone .
Just like an ostrich .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

President Trump is quitting the coronavirus pandemic, claiming, "If we don’t test, there won’t be any numbers to say we have coronavirus. Therefore, we’ve conquered coronavirus. No numbers, no virus!"
The thinking is pure genius!
So, if someone dies, and there is no death certificate to say he died, that means he’s still alive, though probably sinking.
Enter Trump’s Men’s Cologne. Flood the place with it.
The same thing worked on election night 2016. Trump didn’t win. Fake the numbers in four states. Trump wins the Electoral College. Trump’s in the White House. Another example of pure genius, once again.
Stop reporting acts of police brutality, and guess what? There won’t be any police brutality.
Clear, peaceful demonstrators in Lafayette Park with mounted police, tear gas, rubber bullets, batons, and guess what? There isn’t a demonstration. No demonstrators. Then Trump can go to the steps of St. John’s Episcopal Church, stand there like a tree stump, and hold up a bible. More genius!
Announce you got a real love letter from Kin Jong-un, of North Korea. Everything is just peachy rosy. So he tests an intercontinental ballistic missile? So? Nobody died!
Same with China. Trump used the chocolate cake diplomacy on China and, China loves him, he says. Announce that Putin was right, and all of the U.S. intelligence agencies were wrong about Putin interfering with the 2016 election. Putin just loves Trump.
In other words, don’t kick ass, and you win every time.
So Trump is quitting on coronavirus. No testing. No numbers. It’s gone.
Just like an ostrich.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-16--Someone Needs To Teach President Trump How To Drink Water From a Glass

WEST POINT , New York – President Trump caused a lot of Republicans to utter a collective “ WTF ?
” after he took a of drink of water from a glass and looked like a 3-year-old doing it .
Trump was delivering the Gettysburg Address at West Point , when he became a bit thirsty .
He reached for a glass of water with one hand , put it up to his mouth , and then he had to use his other hand to tilt it in order to be able to take a drink .
Those nearby said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ many said that there was something really wrong with POTUS and it ’ s not his racism , his bigotry , or even the fact that he is 95 effen pounds overweight .
One of the nation ’ s leading psychologists , Dr. Buzz Corktippen , said that Trump is suffering from Strambilis Linguastika , which is a hardening of the tongue .
The doctor pointed out that It usually only affects kangaroos , woodpeckers , atheists , and sardines , but it has been found in adult males who are prone to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ there is a cure , Dr. Corktippen said that it can be operated on , but , in Trump ’ s case , it could cause his ego to explode destroying his gorgeous Victoria 's Secret model looks .

WEST POINT, New York – President Trump caused a lot of Republicans to utter a collective “WTF?” after he took a of drink of water from a glass and looked like a 3-year-old doing it.
Trump was delivering the Gettysburg Address at West Point, when he became a bit thirsty. He reached for a glass of water with one hand, put it up to his mouth, and then he had to use his other hand to tilt it in order to be able to take a drink.
Those nearby said that it looked absolutely pitiful, and many said that there was something really wrong with POTUS and it’s not his racism, his bigotry, or even the fact that he is 95 effen pounds overweight.
One of the nation’s leading psychologists, Dr. Buzz Corktippen, said that Trump is suffering from Strambilis Linguastika, which is a hardening of the tongue.
The doctor pointed out that It usually only affects kangaroos, woodpeckers, atheists, and sardines, but it has been found in adult males who are prone to lying like hell.
When asked if there is a cure, Dr. Corktippen said that it can be operated on, but, in Trump’s case, it could cause his ego to explode destroying his gorgeous Victoria's Secret model looks.


thespoof--2020-06-16--President Trump’s Niece Has Written a Book About Him That Makes Him Look Like a Big Time Loser

NEW YORK CITY – The daughter of President Trump ’ s brother , Mary Trump , 55 , has just published a book that the “ Cheater-in-Chief ” is positively as mad as a hive of bumble bees about .
Mary , who is considered the nicest of all the Trumps , reveals that the President has a bad habit of telling his maids that if they miss even a tiny speck of dust , he will not pay them , and he will prohibit them from ever drinking water during their shift .
The book , which is titled @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Lies and Counting '' , paints a true-to-life picture of the man who his own wife Melania is now referring to as `` Bunker Boy . ''
The first lady provided a lot of first-hand insight into the cruelest , nastiest , most despicable individual to ever draw a breath ( other than Hitler , Mussolini , and Fluckohito ) .
Mrs. Trump also revealed to Mary that POTUS has a tattoo of Sean Hannity 's name on his left ankle , the one where the infamous fake , non-existent bone spurs are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that Trump once dated one of Nancy Pelosi 's second cousins , Elvira Mangosteen , who said that she thinks that Trump was missing one of his balls .
But perhaps the most interesting thing that Melania told Mary about the President was that the presidential member resembles something one would find at the bottom of a bacteria-infested Louisiana bayou swamp .

NEW YORK CITY – The daughter of President Trump’s brother, Mary Trump, 55, has just published a book that the “Cheater-in-Chief” is positively as mad as a hive of bumble bees about.
Mary, who is considered the nicest of all the Trumps, reveals that the President has a bad habit of telling his maids that if they miss even a tiny speck of dust, he will not pay them, and he will prohibit them from ever drinking water during their shift.
The book, which is titled, "My Uncle Donnie - 47,903 Lies and Counting", paints a true-to-life picture of the man who his own wife Melania is now referring to as "Bunker Boy."
The first lady provided a lot of first-hand insight into the cruelest, nastiest, most despicable individual to ever draw a breath (other than Hitler, Mussolini, and Fluckohito).
Mrs. Trump also revealed to Mary that POTUS has a tattoo of Sean Hannity's name on his left ankle, the one where the infamous fake, non-existent bone spurs are not located.
She also told her that Trump once dated one of Nancy Pelosi's second cousins, Elvira Mangosteen, who said that she thinks that Trump was missing one of his balls.
But perhaps the most interesting thing that Melania told Mary about the President was that the presidential member resembles something one would find at the bottom of a bacteria-infested Louisiana bayou swamp.


thespoof--2020-06-16--JoJo, A Blue Heeler-Terrier Mix, Befuddles Hen House Invader

BILLINGSGATE POST : Who would have thought that a chance encounter between a Jack Russell Terrier and a Blue Heeler would produce JoJo ?
Terriers are typically small , wiry , game and fearless , while Blue Heelers are herders , known for their quirky penchant for allowing uninvited visitors into one ’ s home , but not letting them leave .
Charles Darwin warned of this possible evolution by natural selection in his book , “ On the Origin of Species.
” Even Darwin couldn ’ t have imagined the perfect storm that created JoJo .
JoJo had walked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Nebraska , for perhaps a month , before he was apprehended by Joe Kokolochek , the animal control officer .
Placed in the town ’ s pet adoption center , JoJo was eventually adopted by Elmer Smuckmeister , who had just recently lost his significant other , Lizzie , his beloved sheep .
Upon being handed the papers releasing JoJo to him , Elmer told Ms. Heidi : “ I hope this sum bitch ain ’ t one of those egg suckers.
” Some of the gossipy town folk thought Elmer suffered from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ believe that someone was coming into his hen house at night , surreptitiously exchanging white eggs for brown ones .
With brown eggs selling at a premium , Elmer said it was hurting him in the pocketbook .
Well , the first thing Elmer did when he brought JoJo home was deputize him .
The first night , JoJo drew the midnight shift .
Guarding a henhouse wasn ’ t exactly his dream job , though .
When the door to the hen house squeaked open around 4:00 AM , JoJo didn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ blind .
There he was , Horace Hecker , one of Elmer ’ s neighbors .
Masked , and carrying a basket of white eggs , Horace didn ’ t expect to be confronted by a watch dog .
Confused , but not otherwise conflicted , JoJo sprung to action .
Instead of going for Horace Hecker ’ s heels , he went for his buttocks .
Shaking Hecker like a rag doll , with eggs flying every which where , JoJo did more than bark the bark ; he walked the bark @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to his buttocks .
His egg-swapping days over , a remorseful miscreant thwarted by a mixed-breed mutt .
Slim : “ What greater love does a dog have for his master than to save his eggs ?
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
Should get JoJo into the Alpo Hall of Fame .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Who would have thought that a chance encounter between a Jack Russell Terrier and a Blue Heeler would produce JoJo? Terriers are typically small, wiry, game and fearless, while Blue Heelers are herders, known for their quirky penchant for allowing uninvited visitors into one’s home, but not letting them leave.
Charles Darwin warned of this possible evolution by natural selection in his book, “On the Origin of Species.” Even Darwin couldn’t have imagined the perfect storm that created JoJo.
JoJo had walked the mean streets of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, for perhaps a month, before he was apprehended by Joe Kokolochek, the animal control officer. Placed in the town’s pet adoption center, JoJo was eventually adopted by Elmer Smuckmeister, who had just recently lost his significant other, Lizzie, his beloved sheep.
Upon being handed the papers releasing JoJo to him, Elmer told Ms. Heidi:
“I hope this sum bitch ain’t one of those egg suckers.”
Some of the gossipy town folk thought Elmer suffered from a form of dementia that made him believe that someone was coming into his hen house at night, surreptitiously exchanging white eggs for brown ones. With brown eggs selling at a premium, Elmer said it was hurting him in the pocketbook.
Well, the first thing Elmer did when he brought JoJo home was deputize him. The first night, JoJo drew the midnight shift. Guarding a henhouse wasn’t exactly his dream job, though. When the door to the hen house squeaked open around 4:00 AM, JoJo didn’t know whether to shit or go blind.
There he was, Horace Hecker, one of Elmer’s neighbors. Masked, and carrying a basket of white eggs, Horace didn’t expect to be confronted by a watch dog.
Confused, but not otherwise conflicted, JoJo sprung to action. Instead of going for Horace Hecker’s heels, he went for his buttocks. Shaking Hecker like a rag doll, with eggs flying every which where, JoJo did more than bark the bark; he walked the bark.
Hecker was last seen nursing wounds to his buttocks. His egg-swapping days over, a remorseful miscreant thwarted by a mixed-breed mutt.
Slim: “What greater love does a dog have for his master than to save his eggs?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Should get JoJo into the Alpo Hall of Fame.”


thespoof--2020-06-16--President Trump is Salivating at the Thought of Naming Roseanne Barr to be His Chief Political Campa

President Trump is Salivating at the Thought of Naming Roseanne Barr to be His Chief Political Campaign Speech Writer (and Attack Dog)

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has informed the press that the president has always considered Roseanne Barr to be one of the funniest women on both sides of the Potomac River .
He recently told his third most favorite son Eric , that Roseanne has more humor on her G-spot than Kathy Griffin has in her entire cellulite-riddled body .
Political Salad Bar Magazine has announced that POTUS will be naming the potty mouthed Ms. Barr , to be his new chief political campaign speech writer and new presidential pit bull .
Trump recently mentioned to Sean @ @ @ @ @ @ @ turn Roseanne loose on the likes of Nancy “ Cupcakes ” Pelosi , Don “ Rainbow ” Lemon , and Kathy “ The Red Blister ” Griffin .
POTUS has commented that he has always felt that as far as being sarcastic , arrogant , evil , nasty , vulgar , and downright dirty , Barr could be considered the female version of President Donald Johnny Trump .
Rosanne told Tucker Carlson that if the president wants to grab her by her funny bone she would be thrilled , flattered , and honored @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has informed the press that the president has always considered Roseanne Barr to be one of the funniest women on both sides of the Potomac River.
He recently told his third most favorite son Eric, that Roseanne has more humor on her G-spot than Kathy Griffin has in her entire cellulite-riddled body.
Political Salad Bar Magazine has announced that POTUS will be naming the potty mouthed Ms. Barr, to be his new chief political campaign speech writer and new presidential pit bull.
Trump recently mentioned to Sean Hannity that he can hardly wait to turn Roseanne loose on the likes of Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi, Don “Rainbow” Lemon, and Kathy “The Red Blister” Griffin.
POTUS has commented that he has always felt that as far as being sarcastic, arrogant, evil, nasty, vulgar, and downright dirty, Barr could be considered the female version of President Donald Johnny Trump.
Rosanne told Tucker Carlson that if the president wants to grab her by her funny bone she would be thrilled, flattered, and honored.


thespoof--2020-06-17--The Howard Stern Vs Donald Trump & Donald Trump, Jr., Feud is Getting Hotter!

NEW YORK CITY – Donald Trump Jr. has pointed out that radio personality , Howard Stern , had once dressed @ @ @ @ @ , Louis Armstrong , during Halloween , 27 years ago .
The `` Shock Jock @ @ @ @ @ Jr. had once dressed up as Raquel Welch when he was a Boy Scout , @ @ @ @ @ even Halloween - it was in March .
Howard then added that Junior has the @ @ @ @ @ , and the brains of a female fetus .
Daddy Trump then jumped into the @ @ @ @ @ once lied about having an extra pair of balls .
The radio host remarked that @ @ @ @ @ when he was boinking the president ’ s lascivious girlfriend , Stormy Daniels .
The @ @ @ @ @ had told him that he ( POTUS ) was better in bed than the entire @ @ @ @ @ Stormy would later write in her tell-all book that she was actually talking about a @ @ @ @ @ .

NEW YORK CITY – Donald Trump Jr. has pointed out that radio personality, Howard Stern, had once dressed as famous black trumpet player, Louis Armstrong, during Halloween, 27 years ago.
The "Shock Jock" pointed out that Donnie Jr. had once dressed up as Raquel Welch when he was a Boy Scout, and it wasn’t even Halloween - it was in March.
Howard then added that Junior has the face of a six-year-old boy, and the brains of a female fetus.
Daddy Trump then jumped into the fray, saying that Stern once lied about having an extra pair of balls.
The radio host remarked that they came in very handy when he was boinking the president’s lascivious girlfriend, Stormy Daniels.
The President then tweeted that Stormy had told him that he (POTUS) was better in bed than the entire Los Angeles Lakers team.
Stormy would later write in her tell-all book that she was actually talking about a Los Angeles Lakers peanut vendor.


thespoof--2020-06-17--Tucker Carlson is Denying That he Had a Threesome with Diamond and Silk

NEW YORK CITY – Fox News host , Tucker Carlson , is truly upset and extremely worried at the fact @ @ @ @ @ advertisers have already dropped his show , including Big Grandma Bras , Compound W , @ @ @ @ @ .
Carlson says he now knows how Bill O ’ Reilly felt when he lost @ @ @ @ @ paid a former guest $ 32 million to say that he never banged her .
@ @ @ @ @ The Seattle Exalter Herald and The Tampa Timely Times are reporting an alleged threesome between @ @ @ @ @ ass-kissing African-American sisters , who go by the white names of Diamond and Silk .
@ @ @ @ @ nothing against black women , but pointed out that his luck is fine , and @ @ @ @ @ be trying anything out of the ordinary to improve it .
An inside source at @ @ @ @ @ Tucker recently got a tattoo on his back that says “ Trump is like my @ @ @ @ @ ”

NEW YORK CITY – Fox News host, Tucker Carlson, is truly upset and extremely worried at the fact that a total of 51 advertisers have already dropped his show, including Big Grandma Bras, Compound W, FDS, and the CIA.
Carlson says he now knows how Bill O’Reilly felt when he lost 73 sponsors, because he paid a former guest $32 million to say that he never banged her.
And now several publications including The Seattle Exalter Herald and The Tampa Timely Times are reporting an alleged threesome between Tucker and the two Trump ass-kissing African-American sisters, who go by the white names of Diamond and Silk.
Carlson says that he has nothing against black women, but pointed out that his luck is fine, and he does not need to be trying anything out of the ordinary to improve it.
An inside source at Fox News has revealed that Tucker recently got a tattoo on his back that says “Trump is like my daddy, except orange.”


thespoof--2020-06-17--Vandals Throw a Statue of Adolf Hitler onto the White House Lawn

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The Secret Service is reporting that , overnight , vandals tossed a 12-foot tall statue of @ @ @ @ @ House lawn .
The statue was reportedly made of 65 % plaster of Paris , @ @ @ @ @ 13 % bullshit .
The magenta-colored statue , which weighed 93 pounds , and destroyed @ @ @ @ @ posies , and dandelions , was dusted for fingerprints .
D.C. police are now looking @ @ @ @ @ have been identified as Mr. and Mrs. Vernon F. Gatorworth , owners of Gatorworth Prosthetic @ @ @ @ @ .
Vern was reportedly wearing a pink “ Lithuanian Lives Matter ” shirt , and @ @ @ @ @ wearing a two-sizes-too-small pair of Daisy Duke short shorts .
When the President was told @ @ @ @ @ he instantly went into his much-practiced disclaimer routine : “ I ’ ve never met @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t know him ” .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Secret Service is reporting that, overnight, vandals tossed a 12-foot tall statue of Adolf Hitler onto the White House lawn.
The statue was reportedly made of 65% plaster of Paris, 22% styrofoam, and 13% bullshit.
The magenta-colored statue, which weighed 93 pounds, and destroyed a flowerbed of marigolds, posies, and dandelions, was dusted for fingerprints.
D.C. police are now looking for the vandals, who have been identified as Mr. and Mrs. Vernon F. Gatorworth, owners of Gatorworth Prosthetic Peckers in Annapolis, Maryland.
Vern was reportedly wearing a pink “Lithuanian Lives Matter” shirt, and Mrs. Gatorworth was topless and wearing a two-sizes-too-small pair of Daisy Duke short shorts.
When the President was told about the Hitler statue, he instantly went into his much-practiced disclaimer routine: “I’ve never met the man, and I don’t know him”.


thespoof--2020-06-17--Bunker Boy Vows to Declare War on Antifa

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The President says that he has talked to several representatives with white extremist groups , and @ @ @ @ @ declare war on the group known as Antifa .
Antifa is known as an anti-white @ @ @ @ @ to eliminate the KKK from the United States , and send them back to Germany @ @ @ @ @ .
Meanwhile , the Ku Klux Klan has vowed to eliminate Antifa and send them @ @ @ @ @ country of Puga-Puga , which is located 47 miles southwest of New Peckadonia .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ support of 73 % of his base , who say most of the members of @ @ @ @ @ 127 .
One Antifa member , who would only give his last name Schwartzenheimer , @ @ @ @ @ count all the way up to 193 .
He then proudly added that he has @ @ @ @ @ mother ’ s side who can count all the way up to 1,702 .
Contrary @ @ @ @ @ KKK members can count all the way up into the 4,000s .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The President says that he has talked to several representatives with white extremist groups, and they have suggested that he declare war on the group known as Antifa.
Antifa is known as an anti-white supremist-extremist group who have vowed to eliminate the KKK from the United States, and send them back to Germany, Bulgaria, and Iceland.
Meanwhile, the Ku Klux Klan has vowed to eliminate Antifa and send them back to the Indian Ocean country of Puga-Puga, which is located 47 miles southwest of New Peckadonia.
Trump says that he has the support of 73% of his base, who say most of the members of Antifa cannot count past 127.
One Antifa member, who would only give his last name Schwartzenheimer, replied that he can actually count all the way up to 193.
He then proudly added that he has a grandmother, on his mother’s side who can count all the way up to 1,702.
Contrary to widespread rumors, most KKK members can count all the way up into the 4,000s.


thespoof--2020-06-18--Government Corruption Scandal: Someone ate Tim's panini

Someone else has eaten Tim 's turkey BLT panini right out of the Town Hall break room fridge .
First reports of the scandal emerged at around 12:45 p.m. Wednesday afternoon .
Tim Sullivan , the town 's Economic Development Director , is alleged to be the whistleblower .
`` It 's just inconsiderate , '' Sullivan said .
`` I would n't do something like that . ''
Despite his outrage , Sullivan failed to answer basic questions about the missing panini .
When asked where the sandwich had been ordered from and when , Sullivan dismissed the questions @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hall employees were skeptical of Sullivan .
`` I just feel like someone would 've been seen eating it , '' Town Clerk , Deborah Potter , said .
As new details about the corruption continue to emerge , citizens have begun to voice their concerns .
`` I never thought I would see our small town government corrupted by greed and distrust , '' Kate Wallup said .
`` That type of stuff should only exist in our state and national governments . ''
Police Chief Ronald Butte said that the FBI @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This level of crime is too high to be dealt with by local police , '' Butte said .
`` As soon as the FBI arrived , we handed over the investigation . ''
Butte disclosed that their leading theory before handing over the investigation was that Sullivan ate the panini himself and forgot about it , but added that a scandal of that calibre would cause long-lasting damage to the town government 's reputation , so more evidence would be needed .
It is unclear , at this time , how high @ @ @ @ @ @ @ refused to comment on the story , saying she was waiting for further details to emerge .

Someone else has eaten Tim's turkey BLT panini right out of the Town Hall break room fridge.
First reports of the scandal emerged at around 12:45 p.m. Wednesday afternoon.
Tim Sullivan, the town's Economic Development Director, is alleged to be the whistleblower.
"It's just inconsiderate," Sullivan said. "I wouldn't do something like that."
Despite his outrage, Sullivan failed to answer basic questions about the missing panini. When asked where the sandwich had been ordered from and when, Sullivan dismissed the questions as "unimportant".
Other town hall employees were skeptical of Sullivan.
"I just feel like someone would've been seen eating it," Town Clerk, Deborah Potter, said.
As new details about the corruption continue to emerge, citizens have begun to voice their concerns.
"I never thought I would see our small town government corrupted by greed and distrust," Kate Wallup said. "That type of stuff should only exist in our state and national governments."
Police Chief Ronald Butte said that the FBI would be conducting the investigation.
"This level of crime is too high to be dealt with by local police," Butte said. "As soon as the FBI arrived, we handed over the investigation."
Butte disclosed that their leading theory before handing over the investigation was that Sullivan ate the panini himself and forgot about it, but added that a scandal of that calibre would cause long-lasting damage to the town government's reputation, so more evidence would be needed.
It is unclear, at this time, how high up the corruption goes. The Mayor refused to comment on the story, saying she was waiting for further details to emerge.


thespoof--2020-06-18--Bolton Finally Sings About Trump

Bolton Finally Sings About Trump

John Bolton , the former national security advisor to Donald Trump , who refused to testify during the Trump impeachment trial , finally sings .
Not Sinatra sing , but had his book published by Little Brown & Company .
Lots of dinero there .
Dinero means money in Spanish .
Dollar $ igns in royalties .
Bolton refused to testify before the Senate impeachment hearings because there was no dinero there .
Delicious , sweet , more money in royalties !
So hold it for the book .
Forget about integrity and the safety of the nation .
Bolton @ @ @ @ @ @ @ However , dollars for Bolton meant keeping an incompetent , thug in the White House , and Little Brown & Company acquiesced .
Trump didn ’ t know that Finland was a nation .
Thought it was part of Russia .
Like Moscow , maybe ?
He was right about the general direction .
Kudos to Trump for that .
At least he didn ’ t think it was in the Himalayas .
And it isn ’ t as though Trump will ever get a job as a navigator for any airline .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ China were a good idea .
Yep !
The head of the greatest democracy in the world agreed with China ’ s treatment of the Uyghurs and other ethnic minorities .
There are about one million Uyghurs who are Muslim and natives of China .
Internment camps ?
Trump said , “ Good idea.
” Trump didn ’ t know England was a nuclear power .
You ’ d think that , going into the White House , or even running for office ; Trump would understand the few nations that had the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by the pussy.
” There was other stuff in the book , like doing favors for dictators if they helped Trump get reelected .
White House conference meetings that were like food fights .
Trump 's desire to serve more than two terms .
But the pay-off was Bolton ’ s pronouncement that the House Democrats committed impeachment malpractice by focusing just on Ukraine .
Over one hundred thousand dead Americans because of coronavirus .
How many would be alive today if Bolton had testified , Trump removed from office , and a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ House ?
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

John Bolton, the former national security advisor to Donald Trump, who refused to testify during the Trump impeachment trial, finally sings. Not Sinatra sing, but had his book published by Simon & Schuster.
Lots of dinero there. Dinero means money in Spanish. Dollar $igns in royalties.
Bolton refused to testify before the Senate impeachment hearings because there was no dinero there. Delicious, sweet, more money in royalties! So hold it for the book. Forget about integrity and the safety of the nation.
Bolton’s integrity was for sale. However, dollars for Bolton meant keeping an incompetent, thug in the White House, and Simon & Schuster acquiesced.
Trump didn’t know that Finland was a nation. Thought it was part of Russia. Like Moscow, maybe?
"Yes, I'm a Wharton graduate!"
He was right about the general direction. Kudos to Trump for that. At least he didn’t think it was in the Himalayas. And it isn’t as though Trump will ever get a job as a navigator for any airline.
Then Trump said that internment camps in China were a good idea. Yep! The head of the greatest democracy in the world agreed with China’s treatment of the Uyghurs and other ethnic minorities. There are about one million Uyghurs who are Muslim and natives of China. Internment camps? Trump said, “Good idea.”
Trump didn’t know England was a nuclear power. You’d think that going into the White House, or even running for office; Trump would understand the few nations that had the Doomsday power.
“I grab them by the pussy.”
There was other stuff in the book, like doing favors for dictators if they helped Trump get reelected. White House conference meetings that were like food fights. Trump's desire to serve more than two terms. But the pay-off was Bolton’s pronouncement that the House Democrats committed impeachment malpractice by focusing just on Ukraine.
Over one hundred thousand dead Americans because of coronavirus. How many would be alive today if Bolton had testified, Trump removed from office, and a competent president had been in the White House?
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-18--Dr. Billingsgate Declares War On Commie-Pinko Spoofers

BILLINGSGATE POST : In a carefully scripted declaration , so nuanced that even he could not understand what he was saying , Dr. Billingsgate went one step farther in his war against the proliferation of Commie-Pinko writers who have surreptitiously taken over The Spoof site , which once held proudly the banner of political neutrality .
In a totally redacted statement by Billingsgate , that Spoof Editor-In-Chief , Monkey Woods , claimed “ Didn ’ t meet the standards of Spoof excellence , ” nothing was left to read except the commas , semicolons , exclamation points and the period @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Noting his long-held principle that no one should be held sacred from criticism - except for , of course , John Wayne , Euell Gibbons and Donald Trump - Dr. Billingsgate has largely held fast to this ; with the exception of once describing Trump ’ s hairpiece “ as one hair 600 feet long , carefully woven to cover his ball pate.
” Using the Notary Sojac provision provided to all writers with 10 years or more tenure with The Spoof , it is my humble proposal that The Spoof purges itself @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ; some of whom humorlessly seek to overthrow the United States of America and President Trump .
Also , to preclude further proliferation , all incoming writers to be personally vetted by Dr. Billingsgate , a trusted servant and part of the last bulwark of defense against the encroaching Bolshevik hordes .
Slim : “ Who could not reasonably not agree to this ?
” Dirty : Yo , Dude .
Only the Commie-Pinko vermin he is referring to .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a carefully scripted declaration, so nuanced that even he could not understand what he was saying, Dr. Billingsgate went one step farther in his war against the proliferation of Commie-Pinko writers who have surreptitiously taken over The Spoof site, which once held proudly the banner of political neutrality.
In a totally redacted statement by Billingsgate, that Spoof Editor-In-Chief, Monkey Woods, claimed “Didn’t meet the standards of Spoof excellence,” nothing was left to read except the commas, semicolons, exclamation points and the period at the end of the statement.
Noting his long-held principle that no one should be held sacred from criticism - except for, of course, John Wayne, Euell Gibbons and Donald Trump - Dr. Billingsgate has largely held fast to this; with the exception of once describing Trump’s hairpiece “as one hair 600 feet long, carefully woven to cover his ball pate.”
For this I beg forgiveness.
In summary:
Using the Notary Sojac provision provided to all writers with 10 years or more tenure with The Spoof, it is my humble proposal that The Spoof purges itself from writers who are card carrying Commie-Pinkos; some of whom humorlessly seek to overthrow the United States of America and President Trump.
Also, to preclude further proliferation, all incoming writers to be personally vetted by Dr. Billingsgate, a trusted servant and part of the last bulwark of defense against the encroaching Bolshevik hordes.
Slim: “Who could not reasonably not agree to this?”
Dirty: Yo, Dude. Only the Commie-Pinko vermin he is referring to.”


thespoof--2020-06-18--John Bolton’s Explosive Expose on President Donald Trump

NEW YORK CITY – Trump ’ s former White House National Security Adviser , John Bolton , has just published his bombshell book titled “ I Was In The Room Where It All Hit The Fan '' .
Inside sources say that Trump begged , pleaded , and colluded with Bolton to please not release the book that could possibly end his presidential career .
Trump reportedly offered to pay him $ 97,000 , plus free stay at any of his 43 Trump hotels for three years .
In the book , Bolton writes that Trump pleaded with Chinese leader @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Democrats in 2020 , because the way things were going , the Dems were going to kick his ass in November .
When Jinping refused , the “ Divider-in-Chief ” offered to buy 12 million pounds of rice , along with 3 million chopsticks , and 40,000 sets of Chinese Checkers .
Bolton added that , at one point , POTUS asked the Chinese leader for the cell phone number and email address of Yingsong Dongtang , who was Miss Shanghai of 2016 .
When Jinping asked the president for Ivanka ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Trump perked up , and said , “ Okay , Xi Xi we got us a deal fella.
” Trump and Jinping even talked about having the United States and China invade France .
When Bolton was asked why , he replied because France owed China $ 14 million for a huge shipment of Chinese egg rolls .
He then added that France still owes the USA over $ 17 billion from back in World War II .
Bolton also noted that when Trump 's son , Eric , was 7 , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ forest outside of Manhattan , but Eric somehow managed to find his way back to Trump Tower .

NEW YORK CITY – Trump’s former White House National Security Adviser, John Bolton, has just published his bombshell book titled “I Was In The Room Where It All Hit The Fan".
Inside sources say that Trump begged, pleaded, and colluded with Bolton to please not release the book that could possibly end his presidential career.
Trump reportedly offered to pay him $97,000, plus free stay at any of his 43 Trump hotels for three years.
In the book, Bolton writes that Trump pleaded with Chinese leader Xi Jinping to help him defeat the Democrats in 2020, because the way things were going, the Dems were going to kick his ass in November.
When Jinping refused, the “Divider-in-Chief” offered to buy 12 million pounds of rice, along with 3 million chopsticks, and 40,000 sets of Chinese Checkers.
Bolton added that, at one point, POTUS asked the Chinese leader for the cell phone number and email address of Yingsong Dongtang, who was Miss Shanghai of 2016.
When Jinping asked the president for Ivanka’s cell phone number and her email address, Trump perked up, and said, “Okay, Xi Xi we got us a deal fella.”
Trump and Jinping even talked about having the United States and China invade France.
When Bolton was asked why, he replied because France owed China $14 million for a huge shipment of Chinese egg rolls. He then added that France still owes the USA over $17 billion from back in World War II.
Bolton also noted that when Trump's son, Eric, was 7, DJT took him to a very dense forest outside of Manhattan, but Eric somehow managed to find his way back to Trump Tower.


thespoof--2020-06-18--San Francisco Names Ambassador to Autonomous Zone

London Breed , the Mayor of San Francisco , announced today that the city will send an ambassador to CHAZ , the “ Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone ” in Seattle .
Breed explained that she and the entire city council greatly admire what had been accomplished in CHAZ , and announced that she has selected Dr. B. M. Sheetz , an attorney and community activist , for the newly-created position .
Dr. Sheetz , who holds a PhD in critical theory as well as a JD from Berkeley , is best known for successfully arguing , before the 9th Circuit @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the streets of San Francisco is a symbolic speech act protected by the first amendment .
Sheetz contended that public pooping is an excellent way to protest the many injustices that capitalism and the privileged white male power structure have burdened America with .
Accordingly , it is entitled to the same privileges one receives when burning a flag or wearing clothing with a protest message .
Sheetz indicated that he is proud to accept the new position , and is there to learn from CHAZ and its methods .
He believes that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the country can learn from , and is calling for protestors throughout the country to form autonomous zones .
He noted : “ We are now in a post-poststructural era , which will put the critiques arising from structuralism and poststructuralism to good use , and give us a better world.
” Sheetz then excused himself , explaining that he intended to exercise one of his symbolic speech rights .

London Breed, the Mayor of San Francisco, announced today that the city will send an ambassador to CHAZ, the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” in Seattle. Breed explained that she and the entire city council greatly admire what had been accomplished in CHAZ, and announced that she has selected Dr. B. M. Sheetz, an attorney and community activist, for the newly-created position.
Dr. Sheetz, who holds a PhD in critical theory as well as a JD from Berkeley, is best known for successfully arguing, before the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, that defecating on the streets of San Francisco is a symbolic speech act protected by the first amendment. Sheetz contended that public pooping is an excellent way to protest the many injustices that capitalism and the privileged white male power structure have burdened America with. Accordingly, it is entitled to the same privileges one receives when burning a flag or wearing clothing with a protest message.
Sheetz indicated that he is proud to accept the new position, and is there to learn from CHAZ and its methods. He believes that CHAZ provides a model which communities throughout the country can learn from, and is calling for protestors throughout the country to form autonomous zones.
He noted: “We are now in a post-poststructural era, which will put the critiques arising from structuralism and poststructuralism to good use, and give us a better world.”
Sheetz then excused himself, explaining that he intended to exercise one of his symbolic speech rights.


thespoof--2020-06-19--"Astromutts" [Not a Typo] - Dogs on Next SpaceX Mission

Cape Canaveral , Florida .
Special to The Spoof .
NASA announced today that the next SpaceX mission to the @ @ @ @ @ as passengers , two canines who will officially be referred to as `` Astromutts '' @ @ @ @ @ been chosen , but NASA has ruled out St. Bernards and other large breeds .
@ @ @ @ @ Humane Society , NASA has agreed that at least one of the four-legged riders be @ @ @ @ @ from an animal shelter , to encourage adoption of those incarcerated there .
NASA admits @ @ @ @ @ in sending dogs into space other than companionship for the astronauts , especially on their @ @ @ @ @ the principal complaints from the Space Station has been the loneliness of those solitary walks @ @ @ @ @ portable fireplug and the astronauts will be equipped with dog poop bags to prevent the @ @ @ @ @ satellite .
These will not be the first animals in space .
A monkey orbited @ @ @ @ @ Pluto has been there for eons .

Cape Canaveral, Florida. NASA announced today that the next SpaceX mission to the Space Station will include, as passengers, two canines who will officially be referred to as "Astromutts". The breeds have not been chosen, but NASA has ruled out St. Bernards and other large breeds.
At the request of the Humane Society, NASA has agreed that at least one of the four-legged riders be a rescued pet, selected from an animal shelter, to encourage adoption of those incarcerated there.
NASA admits there is no scientific intent in sending dogs into space other than companionship for the astronauts, especially on their space walks. One of the principal complaints from the Space Station has been the loneliness of those solitary walks. NASA will provide a portable fireplug and the astronauts will be equipped with dog poop bags to prevent the debris from hitting an orbiting satellite.
These will not be the first animals in space. A monkey orbited in the 1950s, and Pluto has been there for eons.


thespoof--2020-06-18--Trump Campaign Bringing In Musical Acts For Tulsa Rally

Besides catching musical acts at Trump 's next rally in Tulsa , Oklahoma , coronavirus is going to be at a premium .
No activity is necessary .
Just sit there next to a stranger , shoulder to shoulder , please don ’ t wear a mask , Trump frowns on masks , shout and clap and laugh out loud at his grimaces , criticisms , shoulder shrugs , he ’ s your guy , 100 % , and chances are , Bingo , you ’ ve got the coronavirus .
You can wear it like a badge or a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ C at a Donald rally .
Gave it to the whole family , even the grandkids .
They ’ re all on ventilators now , but they ’ re all Trump-tough.
” Trump ’ s No Neck Barbershop Quartet might even harmonize a few songs under the direction of Senator Susan Collins .
Editor 's note : What is the No Neck Barbershop Quartet ?
The No Necks will perform the Stars Bangle Banner on one knee , hoping to win some liberal votes , and if they can stand up again , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tune from Gone With The Wind .
Justice Clarence Thomas will just stand there to one side as a symbol for Trump ’ s liberal magnanimity .
After the musical entertainment , the audience will be asked to walk around and spread a little more of that coronavirus , just in case someone hasn ’ t caught it yet .
Trump then begins his one-hour speech about the failure of the Obama Administration , locking up Hillary Clinton , and what a rotten deal Mike Flynn received under rotten Democratic judges .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fashion show and the final performance of the No Necks harmonizing to a rendition of Goodnight Ladies .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Besides catching musical acts at Trump's next rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, coronavirus is going to be at a premium. No activity is necessary. Just sit there next to a stranger, shoulder to shoulder, please don’t wear a mask, Trump frowns on masks, shout and clap and laugh out loud at his grimaces, criticisms, shoulder shrugs, he’s your guy, 100%, and chances are, Bingo, you’ve got the coronavirus. You can wear it like a badge or a MAGA hat.
“Got the big C at a Donald rally. Gave it to the whole family, even the grandkids. They’re all on ventilators now, but they’re all Trump-tough.”
Trump’s No Neck Barbershop Quartet might even harmonize a few songs under the direction of Senator Susan Collins.
Editor's note: What is the No Neck Barbershop Quartet?
Reply - Mike Pompeo, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and Donald Trump.
The No Necks will perform the Star-Spangled Banner on one knee, hoping to win some liberal votes, and if they can stand up again, they’ll hum in harmony the tune from Gone With The Wind. Justice Clarence Thomas will just stand there to one side as a symbol for Trump’s liberal magnanimity.
After the musical entertainment, the audience will be asked to walk around and spread a little more of that coronavirus, just in case someone hasn’t caught it yet. Trump then begins his one-hour speech about the failure of the Obama Administration, locking up Hillary Clinton, and what a rotten deal Mike Flynn received under rotten Democratic judges.
The rally will end with a Victoria Secrets fashion show and the final performance of the No Necks harmonizing to a rendition of Goodnight Ladies.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-13--Black Lives Matter Attacked By Trump, Who Says The Only Life That Matters Is His Own

After the anti-racism protests held in countries across the world , as well as in Racism 's spiritual homeland - @ @ @ @ @ Trump has spoken out to deny that 'black lives matter ' , and has asserted @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump was speaking after threatening demonstrators in Seattle with the US army , after @ @ @ @ @ the city an 'autonomous zone ' .
He said that , as US President , @ @ @ @ @ importance , on a par with God , his family members and close friends being @ @ @ @ @ not crucial '' .
This , he said , was in stark contrast to the @ @ @ @ @ , which - although important - were virtually worthless in the 'Big Picture ' .
@ @ @ @ @ racist towards people of any color - black , brown , yellow , purple , @ @ @ @ @ but no lives matter as much as mine . ''

After the anti-racism protests held in countries across the world, as well as in Racism's spiritual homeland - the US - President Donald Trump has spoken out to deny that 'black lives matter', and has asserted that NO lives matter except his own .
Trump was speaking after threatening demonstrators in Seattle with the US army, after they declared an area of the city an 'autonomous zone'.
He said that, as US President, his life was of the utmost importance, on a par with God, his family members and close friends being 'relatively important' but "not crucial". This, he said, was in stark contrast to the most other people's lives, which - although important to themselves - were virtually worthless in the 'Big Picture'.
Trump said:
"I'm not being racist towards people of any color - black, brown, yellow, purple, red, or whatever - but no lives matter as much as mine."


thespoof--2020-06-19--Trump Demands Court Stop Bolton Book Because "It Has Way Too Many Pages and Big Words"

Washington - President Donald Trump tweeted , on Friday , that the U.S. Supreme Court should `` stop the release @ @ @ @ @ new book immediately '' , because he decreed that anything said to Bolton is automatically @ @ @ @ @ degree '' , and that he had been unable to review the book because it @ @ @ @ @ pages and big words '' .
Trump 's White House group of legal fixers and @ @ @ @ @ the the U.S. Justice Department , filed court papers the day before seeking an injunction @ @ @ @ @ book , `` The Room Where it Happened '' .
Trump demanded that Bolton send @ @ @ @ @ meandering tweets with the claims he is making so they can be reviewed by the @ @

Washington - President Donald Trump tweeted, on Friday, that the U.S. Supreme Court should "stop the release of lying John Bolton's new book immediately", because he decreed that anything said to Bolton is automatically classified to the "highest degree", and that he had been unable to review the book because it contained "way too many pages and big words".
Trump's White House group of legal fixers and leak-pluggers, formerly known as the the U.S. Justice Department, filed court papers the day before seeking an injunction to block Bolton's upcoming book, "The Room Where it Happened".
Trump demanded that Bolton send him a series of misspelled meandering tweets with the claims he is making so they can be reviewed by the President.


thespoof--2020-06-19--Durango Police Make An Extremely Unusual Arrest

DURANGO , Colorado – Durango ’ s Prospectors Bank was nearly robbed yesterday , by an individual who wore a Denver Broncos Coronavirus medical mask .
Bank teller , Concordia Dewdusky , 51 , told police that a tall Peruvian man with a parrot on his shoulder entered the bank just before closing time and walked up to her window .
Dewdusky told the man that bank rules strictly prohibited him from bringing a parrot into the bank .
He told her the bird was trained and that he could actually speak seven languages .
She replied that she didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the macarena and have coitus with a bison ; no parrots allowed .
At that point , the parrot became quite upset and started hollering at the teller to shut up and stop upsetting its master .
Security was called and the parrot was thrown to the ground and placed In handcuffs .
As the parrot , named Polly Cracker , was being led away , bank customers could hear the bird hollering , “ This is America .
I have rights .
Parrot lives matter.
” The parrot was taken down to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and released on $ 17 bail .

DURANGO, Colorado – Durango’s Prospectors Bank was nearly robbed yesterday, by an individual who wore a Denver Broncos Coronavirus medical mask.
Bank teller, Concordia Dewdusky, 51, told police that a tall Peruvian man with a parrot on his shoulder entered the bank just before closing time and walked up to her window.
Dewdusky told the man that bank rules strictly prohibited him from bringing a parrot into the bank.
He told her the bird was trained and that he could actually speak seven languages.
She replied that she didn’t care if he could dance the macarena and have coitus with a bison; no parrots allowed.
At that point, the parrot became quite upset and started hollering at the teller to shut up and stop upsetting its master.
Security was called and the parrot was thrown to the ground and placed In handcuffs.
As the parrot, named Polly Cracker, was being led away, bank customers could hear the bird hollering, “This is America. I have rights. Parrot lives matter.”
The parrot was taken down to police headquarters where it was finger…ahhh wingprinted and released on $17 bail.


thespoof--2020-06-19--Coronavirus Experts Warn That as Many as 900 Trump Supporters at His Tulsa Campaign Rally Could Catc

Coronavirus Experts Warn That as Many as 900 Trump Supporters at His Tulsa Campaign Rally Could Catch C-19 if They Do Not Protect Themselves

Miami – Officials with the Atlantic Coast Commission For The Control of The Coronavirus are warning that President Trump supporters attending the GOP rally in Tulsa could all be walking into a disease-infested trap .
Poindexter St. Water , with the ACCCC , is concerned that probably , out of 20,000 ralliers , that only about 365 will be wearing masks and many will be barefoot and carrying handguns .
The rally planners are hoping that no anti-Trumpers show up inside the venue , because it could end up turning into the biggest Jerry Springer Show ever .
Dogs will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ try and sniff out any Democrats that may try to sneak in .
Meanwhile , several anti-Trump groups like The Down With Donald Federation , The Eff Trump Coalition ( of California ) , and the newly-formed Lincoln Log Alliance , have all said that they will be hanging out in the parking lots .
One bearded member of the Eff Trump Coalition , who said his name was Stephanie Ann , said that he and hundreds of others will be sticking “ Vote For Joe Biden ” and “ Trump Sux ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and motorcycle in the venue parking lots , while the owners are inside whooping it up .
[ CLOSING NOTE : All three organizations have promised that they are not planning on keying anyone ’ s vehicles . ]

Miami – Officials with the Atlantic Coast Commission For The Control of The Coronavirus are warning that President Trump supporters attending the GOP rally in Tulsa could all be walking into a disease-infested trap.
Poindexter St. Water, with the ACCCC, is concerned that probably, out of 20,000 ralliers, that only about 365 will be wearing masks and many will be barefoot and carrying handguns.
The rally planners are hoping that no anti-Trumpers show up inside the venue, because it could end up turning into the biggest Jerry Springer Show ever.
Dogs will be located at the entrance points to try and sniff out any Democrats that may try to sneak in.
Meanwhile, several anti-Trump groups like The Down With Donald Federation, The Eff Trump Coalition (of California), and the newly-formed Lincoln Log Alliance, have all said that they will be hanging out in the parking lots.
One bearded member of the Eff Trump Coalition, who said his name was Stephanie Ann, said that he and hundreds of others will be sticking “Vote For Joe Biden” and “Trump Sux” stickers on every car, truck, and motorcycle in the venue parking lots, while the owners are inside whooping it up.
[CLOSING NOTE: All three organizations have promised that they are not planning on keying anyone’s vehicles.]


thespoof--2020-06-19--Many People are Noticing How Much Older Ivanka Trump is Looking Lately

BEVERLY HILLS – The President 's oldest daughter , Ivanka Trump , flew to Beverly Hills on Air Force One yesterday , to get a manicure and a pedicure .
Several reporters remarked how old she is looking .
One said that he had talked to a White House cook , who said that she has lost 18 pounds in the last 3 months .
The cook revealed that she spends a lot of time arguing with her father about what an asshole he has become , and how he is sounding more and more like that racist piece of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ President says that Miss Ivanka is an ingrate , and if she keeps it up , he will have her silicone breast implants removed , and he 'll give them to press secretary Kayleigh McEnany , who will take them in a New Jersey minute .
Ivanka admits that she is , in fact , looking older because she is always having to compete with her step-mother , Melania , about who has the prettiest legs , the prettiest boobs , and the hottest-looking ass .
The White House Barbie says that Melania @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stuff is natural , whereas hers is all store bought ( by her daddy ) .
Ivanka added that she misses living in New York City and getting all the wolf whistles from the construction workers , the truck drivers , and the lesbian models .
IN A RELATED STORY - Melania confided to CNN 's Anderson Cooper that she is getting very , very worried about the President 's mental state , because the other day she caught him brushing his teeth with a number 2 lead pencil .

BEVERLY HILLS – The President's oldest daughter, Ivanka Trump, flew to Beverly Hills on Air Force One yesterday, to get a manicure and a pedicure.
Several reporters remarked how old she is looking. One said that he had talked to a White House cook, who said that she has lost 18 pounds in the last 3 months.
The cook revealed that she spends a lot of time arguing with her father about what an asshole he has become, and how he is sounding more and more like that racist piece of sheep shit, Adolf Hitler.
The President says that Miss Ivanka is an ingrate, and if she keeps it up, he will have her silicone breast implants removed, and he'll give them to press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, who will take them in a New Jersey minute.
Ivanka admits that she is, in fact, looking older because she is always having to compete with her step-mother, Melania, about who has the prettiest legs, the prettiest boobs, and the hottest-looking ass.
The White House Barbie says that Melania is always saying that all of her stuff is natural, whereas hers is all store bought (by her daddy).
Ivanka added that she misses living in New York City and getting all the wolf whistles from the construction workers, the truck drivers, and the lesbian models.
IN A RELATED STORY - Melania confided to CNN's Anderson Cooper that she is getting very, very worried about the President's mental state, because the other day she caught him brushing his teeth with a number 2 lead pencil.


thespoof--2020-06-19--A G-Spot Doctor Turns Out to Be a Quack

A G-Spot Doctor Turns Out to Be a Quack

CLEVELAND – The iRumors News Agency is reporting that a doctor who has been practicing for 17 years has been @ @ @ @ @ .
Dr. Lancelot P. Nippaletti , had passed himself off as a gynecologist and , @ @ @ @ @ doctor for a full 17 years , before he was finally discovered to be a @ @ @ @ @ although he did not receive a medical degree , he did spend an awful lot @ @ @ @ @ the G-spot , as well as viewing dozens of porn videos that he purchased from @ @ @ @ @ many patients he had when he was caught , he paused , looked in his @ @ @ @ @ he had 611 patients , including the Carbochee Triplets , Hanna , Anna , and @ @ @ @ @ .
Nippaletti did want to stress that he never forced any woman to schedule an @ @ @ @ @ , or a romantic rendezvous at the Holiday Inn conveniently located across the street from @ @ @

CLEVELAND – The iRumors News Agency is reporting that a doctor who has been practicing for 17 years has been proven to be a quack.
Dr. Lancelot P. Nippaletti, had passed himself off as a gynecologist and, more specifically, a G-spot doctor for a full 17 years, before he was finally discovered to be a fraud.
He said that although he did not receive a medical degree, he did spend an awful lot of time reading books on the G-spot, as well as viewing dozens of porn videos that he purchased from Denmark.
When asked how many patients he had when he was caught, he paused, looked in his phone, and answered that he had 611 patients, including the Carbochee Triplets, Hanna, Anna, and Susanna, of Cuyahoga Heights.
Nippaletti did want to stress that he never forced any woman to schedule an appointment, a follow-up visit, or a romantic rendezvous at the Holiday Inn conveniently located across the street from his office.


thespoof--2020-06-19--Trumpers Will Have To Take IQ Test At Rally

Oklahoma- Donald Trump supporters planning on attending this weekend 's big 'Open Up 'Merica ' rally here in Tulsa , Oklahoma , will have to sign a waiver , clearing Trump of any liability if they catch the coronavirus .
But they 'll also have to take an IQ test as well .
Rally-goers will have to do a few easy tests , says Flackstacker , `` Like what 's this letter ?
3 plus 2 ?
Spell your first name .
Get any of those wrong , and you 're in !
100 percent , in ya go .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ comes next .
`` The rally will be held indoors , so we will ask each person in line if they would like a face mask to wear inside the building .
The answer we are looking for , of course , is NO ! ''
says Flackstacker .
`` Ya get it ?
It 's a trick question !
Any true Trumper wo n't need no stupid mask to protect them from some sissy virus that 's a total left-wing media hoax ! ''
`` And anyone who says YES to that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ line , since they 're probably one of thems ' libtard commies lookin ' to start trouble !
We got a whole line of cops in full battle gear ready and waitin ' for those folks ! ''
`` We do n't want anyone smarter than Trump tryin ' to sneak into our rally , '' explains our Secretary .

Oklahoma- Donald Trump supporters planning on attending this weekend's big 'Open Up 'Merica' rally here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, will have to sign a waiver, clearing Trump of any liability if they catch the coronavirus. But they'll also have to take an IQ test as well.
"It's a simple test," explains Burt Flackstacker, Trump's Secretary Of Dumb Stuff.
Rally-goers will have to do a few easy tests, says Flackstacker, "Like what's this letter? 3 plus 2? Spell your first name. Get any of those wrong, and you're in! 100 percent, in ya go. Welcome!"
But the real test comes next. "The rally will be held indoors, so we will ask each person in line if they would like a face mask to wear inside the building. The answer we are looking for, of course, is NO!" says Flackstacker. "Ya get it? It's a trick question! Any true Trumper won't need no stupid mask to protect them from some sissy virus that's a total left-wing media hoax!"
"And anyone who says YES to that one will be immediately ejected from the line, since they're probably one of thems' libtard commies lookin' to start trouble! We got a whole line of cops in full battle gear ready and waitin' for those folks!"
"We don't want anyone smarter than Trump tryin' to sneak into our rally," explains our Secretary.


thespoof--2020-06-20--Trump Tweets Warning About Tulsa Rally

Trump Tweets Warning About Tulsa Rally

After lumping together protesters with anarchists , agitators , looters , or lowlifes in a tweet , people around the world wondered whether Donald Trump was describing members of his family ?
Trump went on to tweet : Protesters would not be afforded gentle treatment if they gathered outside his Tulsa event !
If you are a peaceful protester , what kind of ungentle treatment can you expect ?
And isn ’ t it against the law to threaten someone ?
Will Trump be arrested or fined for such a threat ?
He sounds like the troubled individual John Bolton @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : Please understand , you will not be treated like you have been in New York , Seattle , or Minneapolis .
It will be a much different scene !
Now that is a threat !
Where is Attorney General William Barr ?
Barr 's trying to fire Geoffrey Berman , the U.S. Attorney of the Southern District of New York .
Berman says he is n't going .
No way did Trump write the previous sentence .
He could never spell Minneapolis , maybe Minnie-police or Minnie-apple-police .
It ’ s just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ supporters to his rally .
And supporters are driving across the country in RVs , SUVs , and pickup trucks , ready for barbecue and party .
Trump ’ s real people will arrive in private jets , thank him for their tax break , and ready for the next one .
Forget the growing pandemic , two Supreme Court rejections , the Lafayette Park debacle , dropping into 30 % in the polls , Trump 's West Point staircase shenanigans , the two-handed gulp of water , the new John Bolton book @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by Joe Biden .
“ Big crowds and lines already forming in Tulsa .
My campaign hasn ’ t started yet .
It begins on Saturday night in Oklahoma !
” Trump tweeted .
Trump finds love at last !
But just do n't protest .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

After lumping together protesters with anarchists, agitators, looters, or lowlifes in a tweet, people around the world wondered whether Donald Trump was describing members of his family?
Trump went on to tweet: Protesters would not be afforded gentle treatment if they gathered outside his Tulsa event!
If you are a peaceful protester, what kind of ungentle treatment can you expect?
And isn’t it against the law to threaten someone? Will Trump be arrested or fined for such a threat? He sounds like the troubled individual John Bolton described in his book.
Trump continues: Please understand, you will not be treated like you have been in New York, Seattle, or Minneapolis. It will be a much different scene!
Now that is a threat! Where is Attorney General William Barr?
Barr's trying to fire Geoffrey Berman, the U.S. Attorney of the Southern District of New York. Berman says he isn't going.
No way did Trump write the previous sentence. He could never spell Minneapolis, maybe Minnie-police or Minnie-apple-police.
It’s just a threat to draw an audience of supporters to his rally. And supporters are driving across the country in RVs, SUVs, and pickup trucks, ready for barbecue and party.
Trump’s real people will arrive in private jets, thank him for their tax break, and ready for the next one.
Forget the growing pandemic, two Supreme Court rejections, the Lafayette Park debacle, dropping into 30% in the polls, Trump's West Point staircase shenanigans, the two-handed gulp of water, the new John Bolton book, and being shellacked in the polls by Joe Biden.
“Big crowds and lines already forming in Tulsa. My campaign hasn’t started yet. It begins on Saturday night in Oklahoma!” Trump tweeted.
Trump finds love at last! But just don't protest.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-20--New York Man Says There Are Two Things You Can Be Sure Of

A man in New York has spoken out about what he says are the two things in life that are so certain , that they are absolutely impossible to escape .
Andrew Smith , of Long Island , was evaluating the drudgery , lack of freedom , and uncertainty of modern life , and echoed the words of Christopher Bullock who wrote in 'The Cobbler of Preston ' way back in 1716 : '' 'T is impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxis . ''
These wise and all-knowing words were echoed by Daniel Defoe in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1789 , and , of course , by many others since , culminating with Smith , last week .
`` When everything else is so random , and so uncertain , it 's comforting to know that two things you can rely upon in the Big Apple are dying and cabs . ''
There are more than 13,000 official cabs in New York , and , wherever they might be in the city , people can always be sure there will be one along in a minute .
`` It 's guaranteed , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ death . ''

A man in New York has spoken out about what he says are the two things in life that are so certain, that they are absolutely impossible to escape.
Andrew Smith, of Long Island, was evaluating the drudgery, lack of freedom, and uncertainty of modern life, and echoed the words of Christopher Bullock who wrote in 'The Cobbler of Preston' way back in 1716:
"'Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxis."
These wise and all-knowing words were echoed by Daniel Defoe in 1726, and by Benjamin Franklin in 1789, and, of course, by many others since, culminating with Smith, last week.
He said:
"When everything else is so random, and so uncertain, it's comforting to know that two things you can rely upon in the Big Apple are dying and cabs."
There are more than 13,000 official cabs in New York, and, wherever they might be in the city, people can always be sure there will be one along in a minute.
"It's guaranteed," said Smith. "Just like death."


thespoof--2020-06-20--President Donald J. Trump is Literally Scared to Death About the Vote-by-Mail Concept

DETROIT – The 45th president was in Detroit visiting a factory that produces cigarette lighters for three-wheelers .
He told a crowd , estimated to be about 87 or 88 people , that he is going to do everything humanly possible to see to it that this silly Communistic notion about voting by mail is prevented from seeing the light of night .
POTUS who has always had trouble with nouns , verbs , alliteration , the truth , and women like Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal , stated that the Democrats are just trying to cheat and steal the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when the GOP cheated and stole the last election from them .
A collective “ What the fu*k ?
” floated across the convention hall .
Trump caught himself , and in classic Trump deflection mode , said that he has dug up a lot more famous Democrats who were actually born in Kenya .
“ Like who ?
” someone yelled from the 14th row .
Trump paused before replying , “ Well , there ’ s Alec Baldwin , Joe Scarborough , Gregg Popovich , Mongoose Maricopa , Taylor Swift , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Lemon for sure.
” The crowd started booing and chanting , “ Lock the chump up , lock the chump up !
” Trump , with a puzzled look on his face , turned to his son , Eric , and asked , “ Who the hell is the chump ?
” Eric scratched his crotch region and replied , “ Daddy , don ’ t get mad at me , and for sure please don ’ t hit me again , but I ’ ll bet you a Big Mac that the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hit me , Daddy .
”

DETROIT – The 45th president was in Detroit visiting a factory that produces cigarette lighters for three-wheelers.
He told a crowd, estimated to be about 87 or 88 people, that he is going to do everything humanly possible to see to it that this silly Communistic notion about voting by mail is prevented from seeing the light of night.
POTUS who has always had trouble with nouns, verbs, alliteration, the truth, and women like Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, stated that the Democrats are just trying to cheat and steal the election, just like in 2016, when the GOP cheated and stole the last election from them.
A collective “What the fu*k?” floated across the convention hall.
Trump caught himself, and in classic Trump deflection mode, said that he has dug up a lot more famous Democrats who were actually born in Kenya.
“Like who?” someone yelled from the 14th row.
Trump paused before replying, “Well, there’s Alec Baldwin, Joe Scarborough, Gregg Popovich, Mongoose Maricopa, Taylor Swift, and, oh Don "Rainbow" Lemon for sure.”
The crowd started booing and chanting, “Lock the chump up, lock the chump up!”
Trump, with a puzzled look on his face, turned to his son, Eric, and asked, “Who the hell is the chump?”
Eric scratched his crotch region and replied, “Daddy, don’t get mad at me, and for sure please don’t hit me again, but I’ll bet you a Big Mac that the chump is you. Don’t hit me, Daddy.”


thespoof--2020-06-20--Pundits Have Just Given President Donald Trump a Brand New Nickname and The Dude Doesn’t Like It

MIAMI – Ever since President Donald Trump hid in the White House bunker like a little scaredy-cat , talk show hosts like Stephen Colbert , Jimmy Kimmel , Trevor Noah , Seth Meyers , and Conan O ’ Brien have pounded the “ Orange Mess ” with every nickname under the sun ( and the moon ) .
Marureen Romanesco , 29 , a writer with The Kalamazaoo Hello-Herald has just written a column , and christened one Donald J. Trump with yet a new nickname : “ Pussy Cat.
” She wrote that it is so ironic that the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ everyone a nickname , including his own wife , hollers and cries like a crazed banshee whenever he is given a bit of his own medicine .
As one well-respected Left Coast writer , Boris K. Cowberry stated , “ It is a classic example of someone who loves to dish it out , but who can ’ t take it.
” Amen .
Another writer , Mistletoe Bulova , with The Political Drive-Thru Window , remarked , “ Like they say up in Buffalo Country , ( Wyoming ) , if you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rock and throw it at someone , then don ’ t you effen be surprised when they pick up that same rock and throw it back at you twice as hard.
” A second Amen .
Bulova said that , in these days of so much anger , hatred , racism , bigotry , and needless Nazi-like spewings , those words have never rung more true .

MIAMI – Ever since President Donald Trump hid in the White House bunker like a little scaredy-cat, talk show hosts like Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Trevor Noah, Seth Meyers, and Conan O’Brien have pounded the “Orange Mess” with every nickname under the sun (and the moon).
Marureen Romanesco, 29, a writer with The Kalamazaoo Hello-Herald has just written a column, and christened one Donald J. Trump with yet a new nickname: “Pussy Cat.”
She wrote that it is so ironic that the “Man Baby”, who gives everyone a nickname, including his own wife, hollers and cries like a crazed banshee whenever he is given a bit of his own medicine.
As one well-respected Left Coast writer, Boris K. Cowberry stated, “It is a classic example of someone who loves to dish it out, but who can’t take it.” Amen.
Another writer, Mistletoe Bulova, with The Political Drive-Thru Window, remarked, “Like they say up in Buffalo Country, (Wyoming), if you’re gonna pick up a rock and throw it at someone, then don’t you effen be surprised when they pick up that same rock and throw it back at you twice as hard.” A second Amen.
Bulova said that, in these days of so much anger, hatred, racism, bigotry, and needless Nazi-like spewings, those words have never rung more true.
[DING-DONG].


thespoof--2020-06-20--The City of Chattanooga Will Be Taking Down the Statue of One of the Confederacy’s Most Beloved Civi

The City of Chattanooga Will Be Taking Down the Statue of One of the Confederacy’s Most Beloved Civil War Drummer Boys

CHATTANOOGA – By a vote of 7 to 3 , the town council has decided to remove the statue of little Billy Rebel , who , at 9 , was one of the youngest Civil War drummer boys to serve in the Confederacy .
Billy , whose real name was William Earl Whitewater , of Cricket Balls , Mississippi , served with the 73rd Mississippi Calvary Volunteers Regiment , which was led by cavalry General Throckington “ Saddle Sores ” Cornheimer .
Old “ Saddle Sores ” was noted for saying , “ Fellers , it ain ’ t no @ @ @ @ @ @ @ our fella cuzzins , uncs , grandpappies , and in the case of Private Lancaster 'Okra ' Dingworth his own beloved mama Betty Sue ' I Got Your Onions ' Dingworth . ''
Little Billy Rebel , was one of the top 3 drummer boys in the entire Confederacy .
In fact , using an anachronistic hypothetical scenario , Billy was considered to be the Keith Moon of Civil War drummer boys .
According to his grandfather , Billy could play about 73 or so Civil War songs , including the very popular @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by Francis Scott Key in the Key of E. Sad to say , little Billy was injured at the Battle of The Fallen Horse - originally known as The Battle of The Fallen Whores - when he was injured during a food-fight .
According to medical reports little Billy received an injury to his uvula , when he was hit by a piece of sourdough cornbread that , ironically , was thrown by old General `` Saddle Sores '' .
Little Billy was immediately sent back home to Turkey Tits , Tennessee , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , giving drum lessons for 14 cents an hour .

CHATTANOOGA – By a vote of 7 to 3, the town council has decided to remove the statue of little Billy Rebel, who, at 9, was one of the youngest Civil War drummer boys to serve in the Confederacy.
Billy, whose real name was William Earl Whitewater, of Cricket Balls, Mississippi, served with the 73rd Mississippi Calvary Volunteers Regiment, which was led by cavalry General Throckington “Saddle Sores” Cornheimer.
Old “Saddle Sores” was noted for saying, “Fellers, it ain’t no picnic to have ta be shootin’ our fella cuzzins, uncs, grandpappies, and in the case of Private Lancaster 'Okra' Dingworth his own beloved mama Betty Sue 'I Got Your Onions' Dingworth."
Little Billy Rebel, was one of the top 3 drummer boys in the entire Confederacy.
In fact, using an anachronistic hypothetical scenario, Billy was considered to be the Keith Moon of Civil War drummer boys.
According to his grandfather, Billy could play about 73 or so Civil War songs, including the very popular “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”, which was written by Francis Scott Key in the Key of E.
Sad to say, little Billy was injured at the Battle of The Fallen Horse - originally known as The Battle of The Fallen Whores - when he was injured during a food-fight.
According to medical reports little Billy received an injury to his uvula, when he was hit by a piece of sourdough cornbread that, ironically, was thrown by old General "Saddle Sores".
Little Billy was immediately sent back home to Turkey Tits, Tennessee, where he eventually became a music teacher, giving drum lessons for 14 cents an hour.


thespoof--2020-06-19--Yale University Bans English Language

Yale University Bans English Language

Citing a legacy of colonial oppression , Yale University announced on Friday , that use of the English language will no longer be permitted on campus , effective July 1st .
Other languages will also be affected .
Spanish and French are right out .
Due to complaints from Chinese students , Japanese is also on the list .
The history of other European languages are being studied by a joint committee composed of members of the faculty and the student Senate .
German and Russian are likely to join the banned list .
Scandinavian languages may survive the purge @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be affected , as the faculty reportedly fear offending ethnicities who do n't give a shit .
Hebrew was already prohibited .
The genocidal occupation limited the growth of the Palestinian population , which has only quadrupled since Israel was founded .
Esperanto is also likely to be banned due to its association with white privilege .
The Computer Science department has also banned Javascript due to its inappropriate reference to Pacific Islanders .
Certain languages have been cleared .
Starting in July all university communications will be in Navajo and Swahili .

Citing a legacy of colonial oppression, Yale University announced on Friday, that use of the English language will no longer be permitted on campus, effective July 1st.
Other languages will also be affected. Spanish and French are right out. Due to complaints from Chinese students, Japanese is also on the list.
The history of other European languages are being studied by a joint committee composed of members of the faculty and the student Senate. German and Russian are likely to join the banned list.
Scandinavian languages may survive the purge. Italian and Gaelic are unlikely to be affected, as the faculty reportedly fear offending ethnicities who don't give a shit.
Hebrew was already prohibited. The genocidal occupation limited the growth of the Palestinian population, which has only quadrupled since Israel was founded.
Esperanto is also likely to be banned due to its association with white privilege.
The Computer Science department has also banned Javascript due to its inappropriate reference to Pacific Islanders.
Certain languages have been cleared. Starting in July all university communications will be in Navajo and Swahili.


thespoof--2020-06-21--Man Became Confused About John Bolton And Joe Biden

A man who , by his own admittance , is largely unfamiliar with the subject of US Politics , made @ @ @ @ @ this morning , when , thinking up a ridiculous story for publication on TheSpoof.com , @ @ @ @ @ National Security Adviser , John Bolton , with the Democratic Party 's Joe Biden .
@ @ @ @ @ two gentlemen , of course : they are both American , old , and politicians @ @ @ @ @ a grain of knowledge of current events would be expected to know the difference .
@ @ @ @ @ , Moys Kenwood , 56 , this was not the case .
`` John , @ @ @ @ @ , Jimbob , Jethro ... who the fuck knows what 's going on over there @ @ @ @ @ the combination of a couple of blokes with the 'JB ' for their initials that @ @ @ @ @ sake of Jesus Budda ! ''

A man who, by his own admittance, is largely unfamiliar with the subject of US Politics, made an astonishing and barely-believable blunder this morning, when, thinking up a ridiculous story for publication on TheSpoof.com, he inexplicably confused former US National Security Adviser, John Bolton, with the Democratic Party's Joe Biden.
There are similarities between the two gentlemen, of course: they are both American, old, and politicians, but anyone with even a grain of knowledge of current events would be expected to know the difference.
Sadly, for social commentator, Moys Kenwood, 56, this was not the case.
He said:
"John, Joe, Bolton, Biden, Jimbob, Jethro... who the fuck knows what's going on over there? I think it was the combination of a couple of blokes with the 'JB' for their initials that threw me. For the sake of Jesus Budda!"
Boris Johnson was unavailable for comment.


thespoof--2020-06-21--President Trump Astonished At Judge's Decision To Allow John Bolton Book To Go Ahead

President Trump has expressed astonishment at a judge 's decision to allow the publication of former National Security Adviser John @ @ @ @ @ ahead as planned on Tuesday .
According to several different White House sources , the @ @ @ @ @ DC District Court Judge Royce Lamberth had found in favor of Mr. Bolton 's uncomplimentary @ @ @ @ @ Room Where It Happened ' , and went for a lie down .
As well @ @ @ @ @ , others in Trump 's circle said that he was caught off guard , taken @ @ @ @ @ , angry , furious , incensed , irritable , beside himself , frustrated , upset @ @ @ @ @ at the news .
He was also a bit boggle-eyed .
Mr. Bolton resigned from @ @ @ @ @ , after failing to agree with Mr. Trump on which of them was the best @ @

President Trump has expressed astonishment at a judge's decision to allow the publication of former National Security Adviser John Bolton's book to go ahead as planned on Tuesday.
According to several different White House sources, the President was surprised that Washington DC District Court Judge Royce Lamberth had found in favor of Mr. Bolton's uncomplimentary and damagingly-revealing memoir, 'The Room Where It Happened', and went for a lie down.
As well as being astonished and surprised, others in Trump's circle said that he was caught off guard, taken aback, shocked, incredulous, angry, furious, incensed, irritable, beside himself, frustrated, upset, inconsolable, and apoplectic at the news.
He was also a bit boggle-eyed.
Mr. Bolton resigned from his post in September 2019, after failing to agree with Mr. Trump on which of them was the best author.


thespoof--2020-06-21--Biden Plays With His Pet Mouse While Trump Mocks Him

BILLINGSGATE POST : The contrast couldn ’ t be greater .
While President Trump was electrifying his faithful , explaining why one should never wear leather-soled shoes while going down a steel ramp , Joe Biden was laid out on his Naugahyde BarcaLounger , playing with Smiley , his pet mouse .
Meanwhile , cities were burning , and statues were being toppled by the dozen .
Even a statue of Rip Van Winkle took a dive .
Demonstrators felt that he had not done enough to combat slavery while he slept for twenty years .
For God ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ t safe .
In San Francisco and Los Angeles , protesters took down statues of Father Junipero Serra , who helped found the missions in California .
Back in the saddle of his faithful BarcaLounger , Sleepy Joe was still trying to figure out whether he was married to his wife or his sister .
Happily , it really didn ’ t matter at all .
Smiley , his pet mouse , couldn ’ t care less .
Slim : “ Build a better mousetrap , and the World will beat a path @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Yo , Dude .
That was very catchy .
Where did you come up with that ?
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: The contrast couldn’t be greater. While President Trump was electrifying his faithful, explaining why one should never wear leather-soled shoes while going down a steel ramp, Joe Biden was laid out on his Naugahyde BarcaLounger, playing with Smiley, his pet mouse.
Meanwhile, cities were burning, and statues were being toppled by the dozen. Even a statue of Rip Van Winkle took a dive. Demonstrators felt that he had not done enough to combat slavery while he slept for twenty years.
For God’s sake, even canonized saints weren’t safe. In San Francisco and Los Angeles, protesters took down statues of Father Junipero Serra, who helped found the missions in California.
Back in the saddle of his faithful BarcaLounger, Sleepy Joe was still trying to figure out whether he was married to his wife or his sister. Happily, it really didn’t matter at all. Smiley, his pet mouse, couldn’t care less.
Slim: “Build a better mousetrap, and the World will beat a path to your door.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. That was very catchy. Where did you come up with that?”


thespoof--2020-06-21--Trump Astonished At Judge's Decision To Allow John Bolton Book To Go Ahead


thespoof--2020-06-21--Trump’s Tulsa Rally Totally Underwhelming

TULSA – The President boasted that he had mailed out one million invitations to his Tulsa Presidential Campaign Rally .
Well , it appears that about 999,300 must have gotten lost in the mail , because professional estimators said that there were only 700 people in the Sooner or Later Arena .
And , according to many of the media reporters , lots of those were security guards , ushers , cotton candy vendors , reporters , cameramen , and a man who turned out to be a ballet dancer from Herzegovina .
The rally was totally underwhelming , as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 3 hours , 14 minutes , and 53 seconds , spewing the same old hate-filled , racist rhetoric that he has become noted throughout the world for .
A reporter with The Vox Populi News Agency said that the “ Corona Chump ” could have mailed it in .
POTUS , who was sweating like a you-know-what in church , said that he got 291 standing ovations , but actually it was just people either getting up to go to the restroom , sneaking out to get some fresh air , or going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump was overheard telling his press secretary , Kayleigh “ Kay-Kay ” McEnany , that he still has it .
She smiled , gave him a kiss on the lips , and said , “ Yes , Mr. President , and you just clinched the November election , sir .
”

TULSA – The President boasted that he had mailed out one million invitations to his Tulsa Presidential Campaign Rally.
Well, it appears that about 999,300 must have gotten lost in the mail, because professional estimators said that there were only 700 people in the Sooner or Later Arena.
And, according to many of the media reporters, lots of those were security guards, ushers, cotton candy vendors, reporters, cameramen, and a man who turned out to be a ballet dancer from Herzegovina.
The rally was totally underwhelming, as "The Divider-in-Chief" rambled on for 3 hours, 14 minutes, and 53 seconds, spewing the same old hate-filled, racist rhetoric that he has become noted throughout the world for.
A reporter with The Vox Populi News Agency said that the “Corona Chump” could have mailed it in.
POTUS, who was sweating like a you-know-what in church, said that he got 291 standing ovations, but actually it was just people either getting up to go to the restroom, sneaking out to get some fresh air, or going outside to throw up.
Afterwards, Trump was overheard telling his press secretary, Kayleigh “Kay-Kay” McEnany, that he still has it.
She smiled, gave him a kiss on the lips, and said, “Yes, Mr. President, and you just clinched the November election, sir.”