thespoof--2020-07-04--Donald Trump Jr’s., Girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle Has Just Tested Positive For the Coronavirus

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The entire Trump klan has refused to wear the medical masks like every intelligent human being in the nation is doing .
DJT thinks that he is immune , simply because he is rich , handsome , a Republican , and the Electoral College president .
But Mother Nature doesn ’ t give a rat ’ s ass who you are .
Donald Jr. , commented that he thinks that Kim ’ s test is simply a hoax perpetuated by Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats .
Eric Trump ( the dumb one ) commented that it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ because Kimmy is prettier than his step-mother , Mommy Melania .
And Ivanka , aka `` The White House Barbie , '' added that she suspects that the Kimster must have colluded with someone who has the C-19 ; perhaps one of the 14 Secret Service agents that have contracted it .
`` The Great Orange Blob '' simply said that the test was fake .
He pointed out that it was administered at a local McDonalds by one of the fry cooks .
Meanwhile , the First Lady just shook her head @ @ @ @ @ @ @ juice , dat de effen Trumps are going tu be drybean me crazy befores I leefs dee White House in a few muns .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The entire Trump klan has refused to wear the medical masks like every intelligent human being in the nation is doing.
DJT thinks that he is immune, simply because he is rich, handsome, a Republican, and the Electoral College president.
But Mother Nature doesn’t give a rat’s ass who you are. Donald Jr., commented that he thinks that Kim’s test is simply a hoax perpetuated by Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats.
Eric Trump (the dumb one) commented that it is all just a witch hunt, because Kimmy is prettier than his step-mother, Mommy Melania.
And Ivanka, aka "The White House Barbie," added that she suspects that the Kimster must have colluded with someone who has the C-19; perhaps one of the 14 Secret Service agents that have contracted it.
"The Great Orange Blob" simply said that the test was fake. He pointed out that it was administered at a local McDonalds by one of the fry cooks.
Meanwhile, the First Lady just shook her head and remarked, “I swear tu juice, dat de effen Trumps are going tu be drybean me crazy befores I leefs dee White House in a few muns.”


thespoof--2020-07-04--Donald Trump Says He Never Met Jeffrey Epstein or Ghislaine Maxwell – Hmmm, Photos Don't Lie

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The President of the United States has again shown that he is addicted to lying .
As many have said , the man could not tell the truth if he was offered 50 Big Macs .
His brain is programmed to lie , lie , lie , and lie a whole bunch more .
He recently told his Fox News boyfriend , Sean Hannity , that he does not know , nor has he ever met , Jeffrey Epstein or his girlfriend Ghislaine Maxwell .
“ Bunker Boy ” seems to have forgotten that there are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him and the couple that he swears he has never met .
Melania recently told CNN 's Don Lemon , that she has met Epstein and Maxwell , and that the four have gone out to dinner , dancing , to a Bob Dylan concert , and even to a gender reveal party in Brooklyn .
When POTUS was told what the First Lady had said , he replied that Melania has forgotten that everything she has was given to her by him , including her size 38D tits .
The First Lady @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and she replied , “ My husbandt , he ease starteen tu scare me too mush .
He can not ebun remembers our little boy ’ s name .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The President of the United States has again shown that he is addicted to lying.
As many have said, the man could not tell the truth if he was offered 50 Big Macs.
His brain is programmed to lie, lie, lie, and lie a whole bunch more.
He recently told his Fox News boyfriend, Sean Hannity, that he does not know, nor has he ever met, Jeffrey Epstein or his girlfriend Ghislaine Maxwell.
“Bunker Boy” seems to have forgotten that there are about 619 photos out there, of him and the couple that he swears he has never met.
Melania recently told CNN's Don Lemon, that she has met Epstein and Maxwell, and that the four have gone out to dinner, dancing, to a Bob Dylan concert, and even to a gender reveal party in Brooklyn.
When POTUS was told what the First Lady had said, he replied that Melania has forgotten that everything she has was given to her by him, including her size 38D tits.
The First Lady was told what her husband had said, and she replied, “My husbandt, he ease starteen tu scare me too mush. He cannot ebun remembers our little boy’s name.”


thespoof--2020-07-04--Trump On Mount Rushmore, Too

Trump On Mount Rushmore, Too

Trump knows he can never receive a Nobel Peace Prize , but thinks he can get his head added to Mount Rushmore .
He wants to be up there on the granite with Washington , Jefferson , Roosevelt , and Lincoln .
And he announced : Canada will pay for it !
“ Wait , ” said the U.S. Park Service , “ finish the wall you ’ re trying to build across the Mexican border to keep the Mexicans out , before even thinking about adding your head on Mount Rushmore .
Trump was insistent .
No , Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the 2020 election , and this will be his final chance to get his head up there on the granite .
It has to be finished before the November election , or Biden will cancel it retroactively .
“ Just to be mean , because I called him Sleepy Joe , and that ’ ll be the end of Trump on Mount Rushmore . ''
Canada ’ s Prime Minister , Justin Trudeau , was asked whether Canada was prepared to foot the bill for Trump ’ s cliffside granite sculpture to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Rushmore .
Trudeau replied , “ Huh ?
Trump on Mount Rushmore ?
What bird-brained hockey puck thought of that one ?
Oh , wait , I understand .
No .
Canada has absolutely no plans to fund the erection of Trump ’ s head on Mount Rushmore.
” Trump then turned to Mitch McConnell , telling him to rush an appropriations bill for Trump On Rushmore .
Cancel any money going for coronavirus ventilators , masks , hospital beds , and personal protection equipment .
“ Tell everybody to start drinking Lysol @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you any flak , have Bill Barr arrest them on suspicion of treason !
Giuliani can smear them , and Melania can announce her Be Best whatever !
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Trump knows he can never receive a Nobel Peace Prize, but thinks he can get his head added to Mount Rushmore. He wants to be up there on the granite with Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln.
And he announced: Canada will pay for it!
“Wait,” said the U.S. Park Service, “finish the wall you’re trying to build across the Mexican border to keep the Mexicans out, before even thinking about adding your head on Mount Rushmore.
Trump was insistent. No, Trump argued. He believes he will lose the 2020 election, and this will be his final chance to get his head up there on the granite. It has to be finished before the November election, or Biden will cancel it retroactively.
“Just to be mean, because I called him Sleepy Joe, and that’ll be the end of Trump on Mount Rushmore."
Canada’s Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was asked whether Canada was prepared to foot the bill for Trump’s cliffside granite sculpture to be chiseled in just four months on Mount Rushmore.
Trudeau replied, “Huh? Trump on Mount Rushmore? What bird-brained hockey puck thought of that one? Oh, wait, I understand. No. Canada has absolutely no plans to fund the erection of Trump’s head on Mount Rushmore.”
Trump then turned to Mitch McConnell, telling him to rush an appropriations bill for Trump On Rushmore. Cancel any money going for coronavirus ventilators, masks, hospital beds, and personal protection equipment.
“Tell everybody to start drinking Lysol or Clorox. And if Democrats give you any flak, have Bill Barr arrest them on suspicion of treason! Giuliani can smear them, and Melania can announce her Be Best whatever!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-04--Residents of Trump Tower are Demanding That The Statue of Donald Trump Be Removed From the Lobby

NEW YORK CITY – More than 200 residents who reside in Trump Tower say that they are sick and tired @ @ @ @ @ 15-foot-tall statue of Donald Trump that sits in the building ’ s lobby .
They @ @ @ @ @ , with Trump holding a nine-iron in one hand and a McDonalds Big Mac burger @ @ @ @ @ long-time resident has said that , if the ugly thing is not removed , and @ @ @ @ @ move out , and so will most of the Trump Tower residents , many of @ @ @ @ @ , and a few Fiji Islanders .
Another individual , who has lived there for @ @ @ @ @ some of the residents say they will take down the statue themselves , using an @ @ @ @ @ , and an AK-47 Russian-made semi-automatic weapon .
When Trump was told about the residents @ @ @ @ @ very agitated , and said that he wants the names of each one of the @ @ @ @ @ just went up 45 % .

NEW YORK CITY – More than 200 residents who reside in Trump Tower say that they are sick and tired of having to view the 15-foot-tall statue of Donald Trump that sits in the building’s lobby.
They say that it looks stupid, with Trump holding a nine-iron in one hand and a McDonalds Big Mac burger in the other.
One long-time resident has said that, if the ugly thing is not removed, and removed soon, she will move out, and so will most of the Trump Tower residents, many of whom are Republicans, Independents, and a few Fiji Islanders.
Another individual, who has lived there for seven years, said that some of the residents say they will take down the statue themselves, using an industrial come-along, a crowbar, and an AK-47 Russian-made semi-automatic weapon.
When Trump was told about the residents being upset, he became very agitated, and said that he wants the names of each one of the complainers, because their rent just went up 45%.


thespoof--2020-07-04--President Trump Plans to Remove Theodore Roosevelt From Mount Rushmore and Replace Him with Himself

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A White House insider has informed the news media about Trump ’ s latest Mount Rushmore idea .
The President , who is , perhaps , the most conceited individual since tennis player , John McEnroe , will sign a presidential executive order to take Roosevelt off of Mount Rushmore and replace him with the likeness of # 45 , Donald Johnny Trump .
Residents of both North and South Dakota are as upset as a giraffe with a sore throat .
One individual said that Trump needs to stop acting like Hitler , and start @ @ @ @ @ @ @ least , has some semblance of compassion for all of his fellow men , and not just for the white extremists .
Trump says that one of the perks of being a president , is that you can grab any woman by whatever body part you want , and , if she complains , all one has to do is deny , deny , deny .
The cost of the Mount Rushmore Trump Project is estimated to be about $ 792 million .
POTUS said that the money will come from the Military @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Vets Program .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has informed the news media about Trump’s latest Mount Rushmore idea.
The President, who is, perhaps, the most conceited individual since tennis player, John McEnroe, will sign a presidential executive order to take Roosevelt off of Mount Rushmore and replace him with the likeness of #45, Donald Johnny Trump.
Residents of both North and South Dakota are as upset as a giraffe with a sore throat.
One individual said that Trump needs to stop acting like Hitler, and start acting like a person who, at least, has some semblance of compassion for all of his fellow men, and not just for the white extremists.
Trump says that one of the perks of being a president, is that you can grab any woman by whatever body part you want, and, if she complains, all one has to do is deny, deny, deny.
The cost of the Mount Rushmore Trump Project is estimated to be about $792 million. POTUS said that the money will come from the Military Veterans Medicinal Program and the Crutches For Vets Program.


thespoof--2020-07-04--Severely Dehydrated Local Man Suffering Mid-Life Crisis Screams That He Doesn't Want To Waste His Li

Severely Dehydrated Local Man Suffering Mid-Life Crisis Screams That He Doesn't Want To Waste His Life Mowing Laws Anymore

Platteville , Wisconsin .
Profoundly loaded with PTSD and tons of irreversible emotional baggage from his highly traumatizing 56 minutes of mowing a quarter-mile stretch of lawn at Excel Brushworks Inc. , 44-year-old part-time janitor Luke Wesley desperately screamed , Thursday , that he does n't want to mow lawns anymore .
Completely emptied of essential minerals due to excessive coffee consumption , tobacco smoking , drug use , and alcoholism throughout the week , the mid-life crisis sufferer stumbled into the break area , took out his dick , and peed all over his coworkers before constantly ranting that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ after him .
As a result of the fact that Luke had severe Vitamin B6 and Vitamin B12 deficiencies while he was using an old-fashioned lawn mower to chop up endless stretches of lawn in the relentless humidity , the neurons in his brain moved faster than the red hurricane on Jupiter ... causing him to see numerous blue dots , several stars , and flying lawnmower blades .
Water-deprived and cognitively-confused beyond imagination , Luke uttered several incoherent phrases before loudly screaming `` FUCK LAWNS ! ''
... `` FUCK LAWN MOWERS @ @ @ @ @ @ @ CA N'T HANDLE THIS SHIT ANYMORE ! ''
After passing out cold on the floor and drooling all over himself , Luke , who sincerely did n't want to waste any more time on this Earth mowing laws , then passed away , before he was taken by lawn-mowing angels to lawn-mowing paradise where he was given a lawn mower so that he could continue to mow lawns .

Platteville, Wisconsin. Profoundly loaded with PTSD and tons of irreversible emotional baggage from his highly traumatizing 56 minutes of mowing a quarter-mile stretch of lawn at Excel Brushworks Inc., 44-year-old part-time janitor Luke Wesley desperately screamed, Thursday, that he doesn't want to mow lawns anymore.
Completely emptied of essential minerals due to excessive coffee consumption, tobacco smoking, drug use, and alcoholism throughout the week, the mid-life crisis sufferer stumbled into the break area, took out his dick, and peed all over his coworkers before constantly ranting that the invisible "lawn-mowing" people were after him.
As a result of the fact that Luke had severe Vitamin B6 and Vitamin B12 deficiencies while he was using an old-fashioned lawn mower to chop up endless stretches of lawn in the relentless humidity, the neurons in his brain moved faster than the red hurricane on Jupiter...causing him to see numerous blue dots, several stars, and flying lawnmower blades.
Water-deprived and cognitively-confused beyond imagination, Luke uttered several incoherent phrases before loudly screaming "FUCK LAWNS!"..."FUCK LAWN MOWERS!"...and..."I CAN'T HANDLE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!"
After passing out cold on the floor and drooling all over himself, Luke, who sincerely didn't want to waste any more time on this Earth mowing lawns, then passed away, before he was taken by lawn-mowing angels to lawn-mowing paradise where he was given a lawn mower so that he could continue to mow lawns.


thespoof--2020-07-05--Mount Rushmore The Scene Of Huge, Unexplained Landslide

Police and emergency services in the Black Hills , South Dakota , were called out to deal with potential casualties this morning , after an incident at Mount Rushmore left the world-famous site reduced to a pile of rubble .
The location is known for the rock sculptures of the faces of former US presidents , Abraham Lincoln , Thomas Jefferson , Theodore Roosevelt , and George Washington , but these have now vanished under a million tons of granite .
Local witnesses say that , around 8am , they heard a loud grinding sound , and , with many @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rushed outside .
The rumpus , however , was coming from the Mt .
Rushmore site , and several vehicles made off to the area .
What the saw when they arrived , left them aghast .
The four ex-presidents had gone , as had about 400m of the rockface , which was now piled up below .
Seismologists confirmed that , according to their equipment , there had been no underground activity , and the extremely good weather persuaded them that the landslide had not been due to meteorological reasons .
Police @ @ @ @ @ @ @ men who claim to have seen 'distinct ' on the faces of the ex-presidents just before the avalanche occurred .
The pair had been discussing the news that President Donald Trump is hoping to have his own image carved into the rock .
`` We may have to face the very real possibility that the four ex-presidents willed this to happen , to save their faces , and to save their faces appearing next to Trump 's freaky dumbass mug . ''

Police and emergency services in the Black Hills, South Dakota, were called out to deal with potential casualties this morning, after an incident at Mount Rushmore left the world-famous site reduced to a pile of rubble.
The location is known for the rock sculptures of the faces of former US presidents, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and George Washington, but these have now vanished under a million tons of granite.
Local witnesses say that, around 8am, they heard a loud grinding sound, and, with many thinking it was an earthquake, they rushed outside.
The rumpus, however, was coming from the Mt. Rushmore site, and several vehicles made off to the area.
What the saw when they arrived, left them aghast.
The four ex-presidents had gone, as had about 400m of the rockface, which was now piled up below.
Seismologists confirmed that, according to their equipment, there had been no underground activity, and the extremely good weather persuaded them that the landslide had not been due to meteorological reasons.
Police officers are currently talking to two local men who claim to have seen 'distinct frowns ' on the faces of the ex-presidents just before the avalanche occurred.
The pair had been discussing the news that President Donald Trump is hoping to have his own image carved into the rock.
A police spokesman said:
"We may have to face the very real possibility that the four ex-presidents willed this to happen, to save their faces, and to save their faces appearing next to Trump's freaky dumbass mug."


thespoof--2020-07-05--Trump sends subtle message that he is a Lefty

To celebrate America ’ s Independence Day , all former presidents deliver their sage and healing words standing tall and proud at the centre of the podium .
However , Mr Trump has subtly indicated where his interest and vote banks lie .
“ We are now in the process of defeating the radical left , the Marxists , the anarchists , the agitators , the looters , and people who , in many instances , have absolutely no clue what they are doing , ” he said .
It was not the usual , fiery , and imaginative exercise @ @ @ @ @ @ @ which is why Mr Trump felt extremely uncomfortable , and sought to disassociate himself from the text which gave him no opportunity to rant .
And so , at the podium , he leaned to the Left , and thus indicated radical support to all the peaceful protesters of the BLM movement and other civil liberty groups .
Mr Trump ’ s speech was ‘ constructed ’ by Mr. Haley , Mr. Worthington and Stephen Miller , the President ’ s senior adviser , and was a sober rendering of clichés , mild @ @ @ @ @ @ @ McEnany , the White House press secretary , approved the draft after consulting her notes in the Great Binder .
Jared Khushner ( an authority on the Middle East—which , therefore , makes him neither Left nor Right ) confirmed that the President might be colorblind , and will , henceforth , see things only in black and white , and will make rightful decisions on what is Left -- of the mess caused by the Covid-19 virus that refused to listen to an Executive Order to disappear .

To celebrate America’s Independence Day, all former presidents deliver their sage and healing words standing tall and proud at the centre of the podium. However, Mr Trump has subtly indicated where his interest and vote banks lie.
“We are now in the process of defeating the radical left, the Marxists, the anarchists, the agitators, the looters, and people who, in many instances, have absolutely no clue what they are doing,” he said.
It was not the usual, fiery, and imaginative exercise of taking liberties with the Truth, which is why Mr Trump felt extremely uncomfortable, and sought to disassociate himself from the text which gave him no opportunity to rant.
And so, at the podium, he leaned to the Left, and thus indicated radical support to all the peaceful protesters of the BLM movement and other civil liberty groups.
Mr Trump’s speech was ‘constructed’ by Mr. Haley, Mr. Worthington and Stephen Miller, the President’s senior adviser, and was a sober rendering of clichés, mild falsehoods and low-key exaggerations. Ms Kayleigh McEnany, the White House press secretary, approved the draft after consulting her notes in the Great Binder.
Jared Khushner (an authority on the Middle East—which, therefore, makes him neither Left nor Right) confirmed that the President might be colorblind, and will, henceforth, see things only in black and white, and will make rightful decisions on what is Left -- of the mess caused by the Covid-19 virus that refused to listen to an Executive Order to disappear.


thespoof--2020-07-05--Overwhelmed Substance Abuse Counselor Pleas With General Managers And Corporate To Reduce Alcohol An

Overwhelmed Substance Abuse Counselor Pleas With General Managers And Corporate To Reduce Alcohol And Drug Testing For The Sake Of Production

Grand Rapids , Michigan .
After deeply reflecting on the fact that Timber Tech 's Best Craft Furniture & Decking Boards , Inc. would be on the verge of an irreversible collapse if the company kept routinely testing its employees at various Midwestern locations for excessive drug use and severe alcoholism , professional counselor , Robert Kane , 54 , pleaded with company leaders at a meeting last Monday to `` lighten up a little bit '' , and `` just let a few things go . ''
Overwhelmed and burned out after hearing about everything from demonic butterflies to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that use special vacuum cleaners to drain soul energy from the living , Kane expressed his understanding that the industry 's 'zero tolerance policy ' for incredibly dysfunctional , off-work , criminal behavior and substance abuse would result in production lines permanently shutting down .
`` Cocaine , heroin , marijuana , crystal meth , domestic abuse , and extremely high levels of hard liquor consumption are some things we will need to look past going into the future , '' Bob stated while silently wishing that recently-hired laborers at the company would @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how they saw angels after becoming dehydrated and accidentally landing on top of magical conveyor belts that sent them into undefinable realities in which they were nothing but contorted pixels controlled by dildo-wielding moon gods and fire-breathing spiders .
`` Fuck it ! ''
he added , before explaining that one of the location 's forklift drivers experiencing withdrawal from a modified form of LSD had driven into a stack of boards only because he felt the need to get away from a gigantic floating vagina that was trying to suck him into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and green-eyed leprechauns hell-bent of performing unspeakable acts of sodomy .
Upon concluding that testing policies would need to be reduced for the sake of the economy , the behavioral health specialist , who sincerely wished that he had studied some other field during his college days , went back to his apartment and chain-smoked Marlboro Reds while consuming EVERCLEAR until a table he had purchased from the company started walking around and talking to him .

Grand Rapids, Michigan. After deeply reflecting on the fact that Timber Tech's Best Craft Furniture & Decking Boards, Inc. would be on the verge of an irreversible collapse if the company kept routinely testing its employees at various Midwestern locations for excessive drug use and severe alcoholism, professional counselor, Robert Kane, 54, pleaded with company leaders at a meeting last Monday to "lighten up a little bit", and "just let a few things go."
Overwhelmed and burned out after hearing about everything from demonic butterflies to invisible gargoyles with penises on their faces that use special vacuum cleaners to drain soul energy from the living, Kane expressed his understanding that the industry's 'zero tolerance policy' for incredibly dysfunctional, off-work, criminal behavior and substance abuse would result in production lines permanently shutting down.
"Cocaine, heroin, marijuana, crystal meth, domestic abuse, and extremely high levels of hard liquor consumption are some things we will need to look past going into the future," Bob stated while silently wishing that recently-hired laborers at the company would stop calling him in order to explain how they saw angels after becoming dehydrated and accidentally landing on top of magical conveyor belts that sent them into undefinable realities in which they were nothing but contorted pixels controlled by dildo-wielding moon gods and fire-breathing spiders.
"Fuck it!" he added, before explaining that one of the location's forklift drivers experiencing withdrawal from a modified form of LSD had driven into a stack of boards only because he felt the need to get away from a gigantic floating vagina that was trying to suck him into a parallel universe full of purple cocoons and green-eyed leprechauns hell-bent of performing unspeakable acts of sodomy.
Upon concluding that testing policies would need to be reduced for the sake of the economy, the behavioral health specialist, who sincerely wished that he had studied some other field during his college days, went back to his apartment and chain-smoked Marlboro Reds while consuming EVERCLEAR until a table he had purchased from the company started walking around and talking to him.


thespoof--2020-07-06--Is Donald Trump Sick?

Is Donald Trump Sick?

Clutching the podium during his White House 4th of July event , Donald Trump resembled a listing ship about to slip underwater .
Many also wondered whether he would take the podium down with him .
His eyes were almost totally shut as he squinted while attempting to read from the teleprompter .
Can ’ t the teleprompter be moved closer to the podium , or won ’ t Trump just wear his glasses ?
Talk about Sleepy Joe , Donald Trump looked as though he was about to begin snoring while listing at the podium .
His speech also @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even speech of all those that have done him wrong while a resident of the White House .
Nowhere was any mention of the greatness and majesty of this nation that 's a beacon on the hill .
Instead of giving hope of conquering the coronavirus , he dismissed it as being over with , gone , done , finito !
Even Houdini never attempted such a magical disappearance .
Florida and Texas are almost in need of those two floating hospital ships to dock at their port , or send in Sean @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the peaceful protesters who were vocal about police brutality and racism as leftist radicals agitators , not once acknowledging that there may have been some good people protesting too .
But maybe those were the first symptoms of coronavirus .
If so , whatever he may do , do not let him drink any Clorox .
It would be worse than wearing glasses .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Clutching the podium during his White House 4th of July event, Donald Trump resembled a listing ship about to slip underwater. Many also wondered whether he would take the podium down with him.
His eyes were almost totally shut as he squinted while attempting to read from the teleprompter. Can’t the teleprompter be moved closer to the podium, or won’t Trump just wear his glasses? Talk about Sleepy Joe, Donald Trump looked as though he was about to begin snoring while listing at the podium.
His speech also lacked inspiration. Sort of a get even speech of all those that have done him wrong while a resident of the White House. Nowhere was any mention of the greatness and majesty of this nation that's a beacon on the hill.
Instead of giving hope of conquering the coronavirus, he dismissed it as being over with, gone, done, finito! Even Houdini never attempted such a magical disappearance. Florida and Texas are almost in need of those two floating hospital ships to dock at their port, or send in Sean Penn to do something.
He spoke of the peaceful protesters who were vocal about police brutality and racism as leftist radicals agitators, not once acknowledging that there may have been some good people protesting too.
But maybe those were the first symptoms of coronavirus. If so, whatever he may do, do not let him drink any Clorox. It would be worse than wearing glasses.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-06--President Trump Seen Holding Hands With Sean Hannity

In shock news that is almost certain to keep other less interesting though equally worthless news off the front pages @ @ @ @ @ been alleged that President Donald Trump has been seen holding hands with FOX News political @ @ @ @ @ , Sean Hannity , in a park .
The allegations come from an unknown source @ @ @ @ @ , but it 's only The Spoof , and as long as words follow words @ @ @ @ @ names thrown in to capture views from gullible readers who do n't realise it 's @ @ @ @ @ fine .
There 's also a minimum 100-word requirement , and that 's 101 .

In shock news that is almost certain to keep other less interesting though equally worthless news off the front pages this morning, it's been alleged that President Donald Trump has been seen holding hands with FOX News political commentator and talk show host, Sean Hannity, in a park.
The allegations come from an unknown source, and their credibility paper-thin, but it's only The Spoof, and as long as words follow words, with a few celebrity names thrown in to capture views from gullible readers who don't realise it's fake news, it's fine.
There's also a minimum 100-word requirement, and that's 101.


thespoof--2020-07-06--Donald Trump Vows To Beat The Radical Left

July 4th , Independence Day , and Donald Trump vows to beat the radical left .
Over two hundred years ago ( Donald Trump is already asleep ) , the radical left was led by a guy named George Washington .
He had a group of friends .
They were making a heck of a lot of noise about their Donald Trump at the time , who was living in England .
His name wasn ’ t Donald , but King George .
King George wanted to get rid of the radical left , too .
He sent his army @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in order , and silence those radical left colonists .
Sort of like clearing away Lafayette Square of protesters using mounted police , tear gas , rubber bullets , and low flying helicopters .
The American George , last name Washington , met the army of King George , fighting him on the shores , the streets , and many a doorstep .
They vowed to never surrender .
Like Vietnam , it ’ s pretty hard to beat a people defending their own land , particularly when you sail across the sea @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
The American George prevailed .
The British went home , and a new nation was born .
The main beef of the American George and his radical left gang : Taxation without representation in Parliament .
Main beef of today ’ s radical left : racism and police brutality .
There ’ s still taxation , but there isn ’ t true equal representation due to discrimination .
How about the tax cuts for the top 3 % ?
Today ’ s radical left is still asking for what the American George @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in 1776 .
Somebody , wake up Trump !
He ’ s snoring in the back of the classroom .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

July 4th, Independence Day, and Donald Trump vows to beat the radical left.
Over two hundred years ago (Donald Trump is already asleep), the radical left was led by a guy named George Washington. He had a group of friends. They were making a heck of a lot of noise about their Donald Trump at the time, who was living in England. His name wasn’t Donald, but King George.
King George wanted to get rid of the radical left, too. He sent his army across the Atlantic Ocean to put things in order, and silence those radical left colonists.
Sort of like clearing away Lafayette Square of protesters using mounted police, tear gas, rubber bullets, and low flying helicopters.
The American George, last name Washington, met the army of King George, fighting him on the shores, the streets, and many a doorstep. They vowed to never surrender.
Like Vietnam, it’s pretty hard to beat a people defending their own land, particularly when you sail across the sea to do so.
Is Trump still asleep?
Long story short. The American George prevailed. The British went home, and a new nation was born. The main beef of the American George and his radical left gang: Taxation without representation in Parliament.
Main beef of today’s radical left: racism and police brutality. There’s still taxation, but there isn’t true equal representation due to discrimination. How about the tax cuts for the top 3%?
Today’s radical left is still asking for what the American George, last name Washington, asked for in 1776.
Somebody, wake up Trump! He’s snoring in the back of the classroom.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-06--Kanye West to give Donald Trump lessons in rap

Following his declaration to run for US President in 2020 , favorite rapper of anyone who supports the Kardashians , @ @ @ @ @ proper rapping , Kanye West has promised that he will give Donald Trump lessons in @ @ @ @ @ does n't want lessons , ' said West .
'He will have them .
Like @ @ @ @ @ does n't want another album from me , it will have them .
Or any @ @ @ @ @ will have them . '
When asked , Donald Trump said : 'Rap .
What @ @ @ @ @ Alma Cogan and all of the classics .
I like Frank Sinatra .
I am @ @ @ @ @ I want my McDonalds and golf .
I have all of the best words .
@

Following his declaration to run for US President in 2020, favorite rapper of anyone who supports the Kardashians, and has not heard any proper rapping, Kanye West has promised that he will give Donald Trump lessons in rapping.
'Even if he doesn't want lessons,' said West. 'He will have them. Like, even though the world doesn't want another album from me, it will have them. Or any new trainer designs, it will have them.'
When asked, Donald Trump said: 'Rap. What is Rap? I prefer Alma Cogan and all of the classics. I like Frank Sinatra. I am an old man now. I want my McDonalds and golf. I have all of the best words.'


thespoof--2020-07-06--The Ku Klux Klan Announces That They Will be Distributing Confederate Flags in Harlem

POSSUM BELLY , Mississippi – RumorLand News is reporting that one of the chapters of the Ku Klux Klan , @ @ @ @ @ are planning on going into Harlem , New York , and distributing Confederate flags to @ @ @ @ @ charge .
When KKK member , Riley Dell Keckle , was asked why in the @ @ @ @ @ a dumb , stupid , dangerous thing like that , he took off his robe @ @ @ @ @ showed that he was quite upset .
Keckle replied : “ Well , first of @ @ @ @ @ , and thirdly of all , any hows , it taint dumb , or stupid @ @ @ @ @ Riley Dell , went on to point out that it is just about heritage sharing @ @ @ @ @ folks know all about the heritage of the NBA .
And so now the KKKers @ @ @ @ @ know about the heritage of the plantation owners .
He noted that is simply just @ @ @ @ @ non-violently educating the other group , so to speak .

POSSUM BELLY, Mississippi – RumorLand News is reporting that one of the chapters of the Ku Klux Klan, has just announced that they are planning on going into Harlem, New York, and distributing Confederate flags to the residents, free of charge.
When KKK member, Riley Dell Keckle, was asked why in the world they would do such a dumb, stupid, dangerous thing like that, he took off his robe and hood, and clearly showed that he was quite upset.
Keckle replied: “Well, first of all, it taint stupid, and thirdly of all, any hows, it taint dumb, or stupid, or even dumb.”
Riley Dell, went on to point out that it is just about heritage sharing.
He said that white folks know all about the heritage of the NBA. And so now the KKKers want the Harlem residents to know about the heritage of the plantation owners.
He noted that is simply just a means of each group non-violently educating the other group, so to speak.


thespoof--2020-07-07--Trump Supporters Say He's The Best President In Living Memory

US citizens sho proudly count themselves amongst the massed ranks of President Donald Trump 's supporters , have spoken out in force to assert that , without a shred of a doubt , he is , by far , the nest presidential leader in living memory .
This news came as a shock to many who had hoped the worst was over , and that they could look forward to this November 's election with optimism .
`` I speak in all seriousness when I say that , even taking into account his flaws , President Trump is the best @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can remember , '' said one Trump diehard , Tommy Monster , aged 3 , from Brooklyn .
`` I 'm in complete agreement with that ! ''
agreed Leo Smith , who will be two in November .
`` Donald Trump ?
Yes , he 's a great president , he surely is .
The best I can remember .
What was the question again ? ''
All the respondents were certain that Trump , when re-elected , would continue to stabilize the US economy , and bring the nation together again @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' shouted John Cyclopse at the top of his voice , at the Alabama Institute for the Incurably Insane .

US citizens who proudly count themselves amongst the massed ranks of President Donald Trump's supporters, have spoken out in force to assert that, without a shred of a doubt, he is, by far, the best presidential leader in living memory.
This news came as a shock to many who had hoped the worst was over, and that they could look forward to this November's election with optimism.
"I speak in all seriousness when I say that, even taking into account his flaws, President Trump is the best, and most successful US leader I can remember," said one Trump diehard, Tommy Monster, aged 3, from Brooklyn.
"I'm in complete agreement with that!" agreed Leo Smith, who will be two in November.
Wisconsin resident, Al Seimer, 92, said:
"Donald Trump? Yes, he's a great president, he surely is. The best I can remember. What was the question again?"
All the respondents were certain that Trump, when re-elected, would continue to stabilize the US economy, and bring the nation together again.
"Make America great again!" shouted John Cyclopse at the top of his voice, at the Alabama Institute for the Incurably Insane.


thespoof--2020-07-07--Leprechaun Grants Golfer Three Wishes

Leprechaun Grants Golfer Three Wishes

BILLINGSGATE POST : News has reached us of a golfer who met a Leprechaun whilst enjoying a round of 18 holes in Ireland .
The story is so controversial , that the names of all involved have been redacted to protect the innocent .
The golfer hooked his drive into the woods .
Looking for his ball , he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back , a big bump on his head and the golfer 's ball beside him .
Horrified , the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ afraid I hit you with my golf ball , ' the golfer says .
'Oh , I see .
Well , ye got me fair and square .
Ye get three wishes , so whaddya want ? '
'Thank God , you 're all right ! '
the golfer answers in relief . '
I do n't want anything , I 'm just glad you 're OK , and I apologize . '
And the golfer walks off .
'What a nice guy , ' the Leprechaun says to himself .
I have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 'll give him the three things I would want ... a great golf game , all the money he ever needs , and a fantastic sex life . '
A year goes by and the golfer is back .
On the same hole , he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him .
'T was me that made ye hit the ball here , ' the little guy says . '
I just want to ask ye , how 's yer golf game ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the golfer answers .
I 'm a famous amateur golfer now . '
He adds , 'By the way , it 's good to see you 're all right . '
'Oh , I 'm fine now , thank ye .
I did that fer yer golf game , you know .
And tell me , how 's yer money situation ? '
'Why , it 's just wonderful ! '
the golfer states .
'When I need cash , I just reach in my pocket and pull out $ 100 bills I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ' ' I did that fer ye also . '
And tell me , how 's yer sex life ? '
The golfer blushes , turns his head away in embarrassment , and says shyly , 'It 's OK.' C'mon , c'mon now , ' urged the Leprechaun , ' I 'm wanting to know if I did a good job .
How many times a week ? '
Blushing even more , the golfer looks around then whispers , 'Once , sometimes twice a week . '
'What ?
? '
responds @ @ @ @ @ @ @ all ?
Only once or twice a week ? '
'Well , ' says the golfer , ' I figure that 's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish .
Slim : “ I hope this isn ’ t another apocryphal story by Dr. B.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
He could lose all of his credibility .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: News has reached us of a golfer who met a Leprechaun whilst enjoying a round of 18 holes in Ireland. The story is so controversial, that the names of all involved have been redacted to protect the innocent.
The golfer hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'
And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm a famous amateur golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.
Slim: “I hope this isn’t another apocryphal story by Dr. B.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He could lose all of his credibility.”


thespoof--2020-07-07--Mary Trump Says Uncle Donald Paid Someone To Take His SAT Exams

Mary Trump , Donald ’ s niece , and a clinical psychologist , wrote in her biography of her uncle that Donald paid someone to take his SAT exam .
Like you couldn ’ t have guessed that , with his failed spelling , reading , and knowledge of history , geography , and the Nazis ?
But he knows how to grab a woman by the pussy and get away with it .
He would have sailed through that answer with flying colors , if it were included in his SAT exam , and if he had taken his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get into and out of Wharton with a ha , ha , degree ?
But like the bone spurs , Trump faked it .
The truth is : Trump ’ s a dope .
Putin must have known all about Trump ’ s SAT history when he selected him as president .
Putin , the former head of the KGB , with a passion for the old Soviet Union , aims to crush the United States and pull the old Soviet Union back together again .
It 's a Humpty Dumpty wet dream @ @ @ @ @ @ @ than to put a dope in charge ?
Hillary was too smart .
He couldn ’ t get to first base with Obama .
George Bush was a scrambler , but he eventually got things right .
Trump was the perfect storm .
A storm that keeps on giving to Putin .
And niece , Mary Trump , is setting that record straight .
And you just know that , if Donald Trump calls it fake news , it just has to be true .
Could this biography be Pulitzer Prize material ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Well! Who’d have thought!
Mary Trump, Donald’s niece, and a clinical psychologist, wrote in her biography of her uncle that Donald paid someone to take his SAT exam. Like you couldn’t have guessed that, with his failed spelling, reading, and knowledge of history, geography, and the Nazis?
But he knows how to grab a woman by the pussy and get away with it. He would have sailed through that answer with flying colors, if it were included in his SAT exam, and if he had taken his test.
Did he also pay to get into and out of Wharton with a ha, ha, degree?
But like the bone spurs, Trump faked it. The truth is: Trump’s a dope.
Putin must have known all about Trump’s SAT history when he selected him as president. Putin, the former head of the KGB, with a passion for the old Soviet Union, aims to crush the United States and pull the old Soviet Union back together again. It's a Humpty Dumpty wet dream.
What better way to crush anything than to put a dope in charge? Hillary was too smart. He couldn’t get to first base with Obama. George Bush was a scrambler, but he eventually got things right.
Trump was the perfect storm. A storm that keeps on giving to Putin. And niece, Mary Trump, is setting that record straight. And you just know that, if Donald Trump calls it fake news, it just has to be true.
Could this biography be Pulitzer Prize material?
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-07--FOX News To Present Hot Dog Vendor Exclusive

President Donald Trump has given a huge thumbs-up to FOX news , who , responding to the return of major @ @ @ @ @ an in-depth and undercover report into the merits of various hot dog vendors at different @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump , who regularly complains that his penchant for fast food - and particularly @ @ @ @ @ , also admits he has a liking for putting sausages in his mouth , and @ @ @ @ @ In the report , undercover FOX news reporters speak to hot dog vendors at Dalls @ @ @ @ @ Yankees , and the Houston Astros , as well as others .
One vendor , @ @ @ @ @ said : `` It 's a well-known fact that people who endlessly go on trying @ @ @ @ @ describe a man 's penis come up with 'hot dog vendors ' in speech or @ @ @ @ @ ' or 'pee-pee ' or 'dinky dink ' or 'bibbidy boo ' .
They 're @ @ @ @ @ some other kind of sexually-repressed deviant . ''

President Donald Trump has given a huge thumbs-up to FOX news, who, responding to the return of major sport, are to present an in-depth and undercover report into the merits of various hot dog vendors at different sporting venues in the US.
Trump, who regularly complains that his penchant for fast food - and particularly McDonalds - is too well-documented, also admits he has a liking for putting sausages in his mouth, and the bigger the better!
In the report, undercover FOX news reporters speak to hot dog vendors at Dalls Cowboys, the New York Yankees, and the Houston Astros, as well as others.
One vendor, outside the Astros Astrodome, said: "It's a well-known fact that people who endlessly go on trying to find new ways to describe a man's penis come up with 'hot dog vendors' in speech or writing. Things like 'peckeroo' or 'pee-pee' or 'dinky dink' or 'bibbidy boo'. They're invariably perverts, rapists or some other kind of sexually-repressed deviant."


thespoof--2020-07-07--Daisy Duke Short Shorts Continue To Be Popular

Fashion trends come and go , but the perennial popularity of one particular item of clothing has surprised fashion gurus @ @ @ @ @ Duke short shorts , the ultra-short shorts worn by Catherine Bach in her role as @ @ @ @ @ show 'The Dukes of Hazzard ' , have been turning heads ever since the show @ @ @ @ @ and there is no sign of them letting up just yet .
Incessantly written-about on @ @ @ @ @ are thought to be a major turn-on for men of a certain type at a @ @ @ @ @ them to get their thrills and focus on them as they frantically masturbate themselves into @ @ @ @ @ their keyboards .
Not all men are like this , however .
Some men just @ @ @ @ @ they are , an exciting adaptation of blue jeans - comfortable , easy-to-wear , and @ @ @ @ @ wearer 's legs to the maximum , and a few men even own a pair @ @ @ @ @ Some men like them for both reasons .
They 're the sickos . ''

Fashion trends come and go, but the perennial popularity of one particular item of clothing has surprised fashion gurus and fashionistas alike.
Daisy Duke short shorts, the ultra-short shorts worn by Catherine Bach in her role as Daisy Duke in the TV show 'The Dukes of Hazzard', have been turning heads ever since the show hit screens in 1979, and there is no sign of them letting up just yet.
Incessantly written-about on the internet, the shorts are thought to be a major turn-on for men of a certain type at a certain age, who use them to get their thrills and focus on them as they frantically masturbate themselves into a frenzy in front of their keyboards.
Not all men are like this, however.
Some men just appreciate the shorts for what they are, an exciting adaptation of blue jeans - comfortable, easy-to-wear, and able to show off the wearer's legs to the maximum, and a few men even own a pair.


thespoof--2020-07-08--No One Wearing A Pink Pantsuit To Be Allowed To Visit Ghislaine Maxwell

BILLINGSGATE POST : As a precaution , the Department of Justice issued a warning to the hooples watching over Epstein ’ s mole , Ghislaine Maxwell : No one wearing a pink pantsuit is to be allowed near Maxwell ’ s cell at Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn .
On Monday , the 58-year-old British socialite was transferred from New Hampshire to await a July 14 federal court day .
“ You go from a life like Maxwell to , all of a sudden , being in a situation where you ’ re being strip-searched and having people look into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , a former warden at the jail , told Reuters .
Pointing out how embarrassing it would be if Maxwell were to suffer the same fate as Jeffrey Epstein , Gomer said , “ These searches might be intrusive , but you don ’ t want nobody hiding an AK-47 in a body cavity , pulling it out and shooting herself when nobody ’ s looking.
” “ I hear Hillary was the last person to see Jeffrey Epstein before he went down back in August .
One fella said that there ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wearing a pink pantsuit leaving his cell .
They saw a rear view of her .
Said it looked like a couple of Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a gunnysack.
” “ Must have been Hillary looking out for Bubba , ” Gomer added .
Slim : “ I ’ m sure it was nothing personal with Hillary .
The guy would have sang like a canary.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
You don ’ t wan na f*ck with the Clintons .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: As a precaution, the Department of Justice issued a warning to the hooples watching over Epstein’s mole, Ghislaine Maxwell: No one wearing a pink pantsuit is to be allowed near Maxwell’s cell at Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn.
On Monday, the 58-year-old British socialite was transferred from New Hampshire to await a July 14 federal court day.
“You go from a life like Maxwell to, all of a sudden, being in a situation where you’re being strip-searched and having people look into your body cavities,” Gomer Erslop, a former warden at the jail, told Reuters.
Pointing out how embarrassing it would be if Maxwell were to suffer the same fate as Jeffrey Epstein, Gomer said, “These searches might be intrusive, but you don’t want nobody hiding an AK-47 in a body cavity, pulling it out and shooting herself when nobody’s looking.”
“I hear Hillary was the last person to see Jeffrey Epstein before he went down back in August. One fella said that there’s a video of a short woman wearing a pink pantsuit leaving his cell. They saw a rear view of her. Said it looked like a couple of Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a gunnysack.”
“Must have been Hillary looking out for Bubba,” Gomer added.
Slim: “I’m sure it was nothing personal with Hillary. The guy would have sang like a canary.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. You don’t wanna f*ck with the Clintons.”


thespoof--2020-07-08--The Rise And Fall Of President Trump

The Rise And Fall Of President Trump

It 's been reported that President Donald Trump has been injured in an accident , after falling from a section @ @ @ @ @ wall during a routine inspection earlier today .
The President was helped up the wall @ @ @ @ @ , and sat on the top of it to pose for photographers .
Losing his @ @ @ @ @ crashed down to the ground , and sustained serious injuries that required medical attention .
@ @ @ @ @ a 'monarch ' , summoned all of his men and horses to the scene , @ @ @ @ @ efforts , they were unable to help , and President Trump was left in a @ @ @ @ @ sat on a wall Donald Trumpty had a great fall All the king 's horses @ @ @ @ @ men Could n't put Trumpty together again .

It's been reported that President Donald Trump has been injured in an accident, after falling from a section of the infamous US/Mexico border wall during a routine inspection earlier today.
The President was helped up the wall by means of a ladder, and sat on the top of it to pose for photographers.
Losing his balance, however, Trump crashed down to the ground, and sustained serious injuries that required medical attention.
Trump, now calling himself a 'monarch', summoned all of his men and horses to the scene, but, despite their desperate efforts, they were unable to help, and President Trump was left in a broken condition.
And remains so.
Donald Trumpty sat on a wall
Donald Trumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Couldn't put Trumpty together again.


Spit-a-Long-a-Don

In his desperate quest to convince Americans of the utterly benign effects of Covid-19 , President Donald Trump will be spitting on his audience at the next rally of Republicans , and will invite them to spit on each other as evidence of the total harmless impact of such actions .
Trump will also lead a 'Cough in my face ' session at the White House , and ask visiting journalists to join in at press conferences .
A local Washington tinning and glass company has been commissioned with bottling the Trump family 's phlegm , which they will be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ weeks .
Such mucus will be available in 100 mg and 250 mg bottles , and could be consumed as a dip , or applied as salad dressing , or even dabbed as perfume-ersatz behind the ears .
`` Covid is not dangerous , '' repeated Trump .
`` It 's all this testing crap .
The more you test , the more you 'll find .
It stands to reason .
All these masks do is send the bug back into you .
So who does that help ?
And what has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
I just do n't get the link .
I really do n't .
Why blame the kids , why should they suffer ?
All these left-wing vegetarians should be lynched ... theoretically , of course , '' he giggled . '
I 'm gobbing for Donald ' T-shirts were in great demand yesterday and Republicans were setting up saliva banks nationwide for those who wish to donate to the President 's mission .

In his desperate quest to convince Americans of the utterly benign effects of Covid-19, President Donald Trump will be spitting on his audience at the next rally of Republicans, and will invite them to spit on each other as evidence of the total harmless impact of such actions. Trump will also lead a 'Cough in my face' session at the White House, and ask visiting journalists to join in at press conferences.
A local Washington tinning and glass company has been commissioned with bottling the Trump family's phlegm, which they will be collecting in shiny receptacles over the coming weeks. Such mucus will be available in 100 mg and 250 mg bottles, and could be consumed as a dip, or applied as salad dressing, or even dabbed as perfume-ersatz behind the ears.
"Covid is not dangerous," repeated Trump. "It's all this testing crap. The more you test, the more you'll find. It stands to reason. All these masks do is send the bug back into you. So who does that help? And what has Corona got to do with schools re-opening? I just don't get the link. I really don't. Why blame the kids, why should they suffer? All these left-wing vegetarians should be lynched...theoretically, of course," he giggled.
'I'm gobbing for Donald' T-shirts were in great demand yesterday and Republicans were setting up saliva banks nationwide for those who wish to donate to the President's mission.


thespoof--2020-07-08--Deutsche Bank penalized and pays $150m for Jeffrey Epstein ties - but not the one he used to commit

Deutsche Bank penalized and pays $150m for Jeffrey Epstein ties - but not the one he used to commit suicide

The beleaguered financial institution Deutsche Bank are reviewing their questionable investment in Jeffrey Epstein ’ s collection of fine silk ties , as it could be regarded as distasteful .
Brinhilda Von B ’ Lox , the bank 's risk analyst , said ‘ Epstein was in the news , and a celebrity , so we took a punt on the collection .
The suicide tie was inherited from Epstein ’ s will , but we now feel it would be inappropriate to display it.
’ The bank is also under scrutiny for their irregular cash handling procedures with the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ We assessed if there ever was a virus , that could be transferred by handling cash , this would be a good business to be in , ’ added Von B ’ lox .
‘ In one sense , we were right , but we were also wrong.
’ Von B ’ Lox was tasked with undertaking a site visit of the laundry located underneath Epstein ’ s New York penthouse .
‘ Yes , most of the staff were young , female , extremely attractive and only wearing underwear , but it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ assumed washing their own clothes while working attracted a staff discount.
’ Mr Nabokov , the laundry manager , remembers Von B ’ Lox ’ s visit .
‘ Ya , I vas busy counting zee suitcases of money , Dollars , Euros , Roubles , zee usual , and all very clean .
She vas attractive , young and female , so I showed her zee elevator zat goes directly to Epstein ’ s master bedroom suite.
’ ‘ Mr Nabokov was a sweet old man who took an interest in photos @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Von B ’ Lox , ‘ but nothing about the business seemed suspicious .
’

The beleaguered financial institution Deutsche Bank are reviewing their questionable investment in Jeffrey Epstein’s collection of fine silk ties, as it could be regarded as distasteful.
Brinhilda Von B’Lox, the bank's risk analyst, said ‘Epstein was in the news, and a celebrity, so we took a punt on the collection. The suicide tie was inherited from Epstein’s will, but we now feel it would be inappropriate to display it.’
The bank is also under scrutiny for their irregular cash handling procedures with the laundry firm ‘CashCleaners’. ‘We assessed if there ever was a virus, that could be transferred by handling cash, this would be a good business to be in,’ added Von B’lox. ‘In one sense, we were right, but we were also wrong.’
Von B’Lox was tasked with undertaking a site visit of the laundry located underneath Epstein’s New York penthouse. ‘Yes, most of the staff were young, female, extremely attractive and only wearing underwear, but it was hot and steamy, and I assumed washing their own clothes while working attracted a staff discount.’
Mr Nabokov, the laundry manager, remembers Von B’Lox’s visit. ‘Ya, I vas busy counting zee suitcases of money, Dollars, Euros, Roubles, zee usual, and all very clean. She vas attractive, young and female, so I showed her zee elevator zat goes directly to Epstein’s master bedroom suite.’
‘Mr Nabokov was a sweet old man who took an interest in photos of my young daughter,’ said Von B’Lox, ‘but nothing about the business seemed suspicious.’


thespoof--2020-07-08--President Trump’s Personal Physician Reveals That Physically and Mentally Things Are Starting To Loo

President Trump’s Personal Physician Reveals That Physically and Mentally Things Are Starting To Look Very, Very Bad For POTUS

WASHINGTON , D.C. - President Trump ’ s personal physician , Dr. Yang Fu Fi , has not wanted to put this out , but POTUS is suffering from several maladies that are starting to affect his mental and physical well-being .
Dr. Fu Fi , said that the President , a few weeks ago , was having to use two hands to drink a simple glass of water .
The man who is closer to Trump than his own wife , has admitted to Fox News that the President now has to use both hands and one of his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ revealed that the 45th president is now about 92 % bald .
Ivanka recently purchased a life-like toupee for him from Toupees-R-Us .
And now the First Lady has told Dr. Fu Fi , that the President wakes up in the middle of the night , and says that the ghost of the late racist Governor George Wallace of Alabama is trying to pull his toupee off .
Melania said that , three times just in the last week , she had to actually slap him in the face , because he was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to bomb the hell out of Switzerland , Seattle , and Slovenia .
Mrs. Trump , even revealed that , just a few nights ago , he took out his member and started pretending that it was an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle , and he started shooting the bedroom curtains .
Melania said that it both scared the hell out of her , and embarrassed her , but not half as much as it scared and embarrassed Kayleigh McEnany , who was also in the room at the time .

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has not wanted to put this out, but POTUS is suffering from several maladies that are starting to affect his mental and physical well-being.
Dr. Fu Fi, said that the President, a few weeks ago, was having to use two hands to drink a simple glass of water.
The man who is closer to Trump than his own wife, has admitted to Fox News that the President now has to use both hands and one of his feet to drink water.
He also revealed that the 45th president is now about 92% bald. Ivanka recently purchased a life-like toupee for him from Toupees-R-Us.
And now the First Lady has told Dr. Fu Fi, that the President wakes up in the middle of the night, and says that the ghost of the late racist Governor George Wallace of Alabama is trying to pull his toupee off.
Melania said that, three times just in the last week, she had to actually slap him in the face, because he was saying horrible things like he was going to bomb the hell out of Switzerland, Seattle, and Slovenia.
Mrs. Trump, even revealed that, just a few nights ago, he took out his member and started pretending that it was an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle, and he started shooting the bedroom curtains.
Melania said that it both scared the hell out of her, and embarrassed her, but not half as much as it scared and embarrassed Kayleigh McEnany, who was also in the room at the time.


thespoof--2020-07-08--President Trump Addresses The Rumor That He Is Going To Double The Taxes of All Black Lives Matter M

President Trump Addresses The Rumor That He Is Going To Double The Taxes of All Black Lives Matter Members

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The President says that the reports that appeared in the Chicago Daily Wind newspaper about him @ @ @ @ @ of the Black Lives Matter organization , are simply not true .
“ Lies , @ @ @ @ @ , Robert De Niro , and my ex-supporter , Lindsey ‘ Swishy ’ Graham !
@ @ @ @ @ spoiled brat .
The President said that he is really shocked at how Senator Graham @ @ @ @ @ prissy-looking , little skippy boy .
When Graham was told about the President ’ s @ @ @ @ @ head , giggled , and said that sticks and stones can break his bones , @ @ @ @ @ ” lying words are like water off a duck ’ s ass .
Meanwhile , @ @ @ @ @ members have threatened to go to the front entrance of Trump Tower in Manhattan and @ @ @ @ @ .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The President says that the reports that appeared in the Chicago Daily Wind newspaper about him doubling the taxes of members of the Black Lives Matter organization, are simply not true.
“Lies, put out by Nancy Pelosi, Robert De Niro, and my ex-supporter, Lindsey ‘Swishy’ Graham!” he yelled like a spoiled brat.
The President said that he is really shocked at how Senator Graham has now turned into a prissy-looking, little skippy boy.
When Graham was told about the President’s comment, he shook his head, giggled, and said that sticks and stones can break his bones, but “Spanky’s” lying words are like water off a duck’s ass.
Meanwhile, a dozen or so BLM members have threatened to go to the front entrance of Trump Tower in Manhattan and pee on the front windows.


thespoof--2020-07-08--GOP'ers 4 Biden Is Made Up of Former President Bush Staff Members

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The latest anti-Trump group to spring up is perhaps one that Trump hates more than any of the others .
Individuals who served in President George W. Bush ’ s White House , have formed a group of hundreds , and they are as anti-Trump as anyone can get .
One said that Trump not only is an embarrassment to the Republican party , but to the human race as well .
They sight such things as his 'hairdo from hell , ' and his mispronouncing of simple words like ‘ money ’ , ‘ golf @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ‘ Stormy.
’ The newly formed group stressed that if Trump had spent just 7 % of the time he spends playing golf , tweeting , and eating Big Macs , on running the country , maybe it wouldn ’ t look like the economic septic tank that is not resembles .
They point out that thanks to the `` Tweeter-in-Chief '' the American economy is now ranked # 191 out of 196 countries , even behind Nicaragua and Mookaslavia .
Melania told Tucker Carlson in a phone interview , that sometimes at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will start barking like a dog .
She says she can half-ass put up with the barking and whimpering , but the second she sees him lift up his leg , it is time for her to grab her pillow and go sleep in son Barron ’ s room .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The latest anti-Trump group to spring up is perhaps one that Trump hates more than any of the others.
Individuals who served in President George W. Bush’s White House, have formed a group of hundreds, and they are as anti-Trump as anyone can get.
One said that Trump not only is an embarrassment to the Republican party, but to the human race as well.
They sight such things as his 'hairdo from hell,' and his mispronouncing of simple words like ‘money’, ‘golf’, ‘me’, and ‘Stormy.’
The newly formed group stressed that if Trump had spent just 7% of the time he spends playing golf, tweeting, and eating Big Macs, on running the country, maybe it wouldn’t look like the economic septic tank that is not resembles.
They point out that thanks to the "Tweeter-in-Chief" the American economy is now ranked #191 out of 196 countries, even behind Nicaragua and Mookaslavia.
Melania told Tucker Carlson in a phone interview, that sometimes at night, when he is sleeping he will start barking like a dog.
She says she can half-ass put up with the barking and whimpering, but the second she sees him lift up his leg, it is time for her to grab her pillow and go sleep in son Barron’s room.


thespoof--2020-07-08--Trump Plans to Have A Statue Erected of Himself Sitting on a Horse Dressed as a Confederate General

WASHINGTON , D.C. – President Trump told Sean Hannity that he wants to have a statue of himself commissioned .
POTUS stated that he would be dressed as a Civil War Confederate general , while sitting majestically on a majestic Civil War horse .
He added that the statue would be placed on the lawn , just in front of the White House front door , where all the members of his base who come to visit can see it .
Hannity thought that it was a great idea , and one that the American taxpayers will be extremely proud @ @ @ @ @ @ @ qualms about paying for .
He then asked , “ But , Mr. President , shouldn ’ t you be dressed as a Union general , since the Confederacy was actually the enemy of the USA ?
” DJT pointed out that he gets all that Mason-Dixon stuff , but he wants to pay homage to his Southern roots .
Trump informed him that he had a great , great , great , grandfather who worked as a spy for the Confederacy .
He said that , sad to say , Colonel Artemis @ @ @ @ @ @ @ deferment because they found bone spurs in his Johnson .
His wife ended up divorcing him shortly thereafter on grounds of Dickaticus Ugliosis .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump told Sean Hannity that he wants to have a statue of himself commissioned.
POTUS stated that he would be dressed as a Civil War Confederate general, while sitting majestically on a majestic Civil War horse.
He added that the statue would be placed on the lawn, just in front of the White House front door, where all the members of his base who come to visit can see it.
Hannity thought that it was a great idea, and one that the American taxpayers will be extremely proud of, and will surely have no qualms about paying for.
He then asked, “But, Mr. President, shouldn’t you be dressed as a Union general, since the Confederacy was actually the enemy of the USA?”
DJT pointed out that he gets all that Mason-Dixon stuff, but he wants to pay homage to his Southern roots.
“Southern roots?" Hannity asked quite puzzled.
Trump informed him that he had a great, great, great, grandfather who worked as a spy for the Confederacy.
He said that, sad to say, Colonel Artemis Donald Trump had to take a medical deferment because they found bone spurs in his Johnson.
His wife ended up divorcing him shortly thereafter on grounds of Dickaticus Ugliosis.


thespoof--2020-07-08--The Red Lives Matter Group Wants George Washington Removed From Mount Rushmore and Replaced With Chi

The Red Lives Matter Group Wants George Washington Removed From Mount Rushmore and Replaced With Chief Geronimo

CUSTER , South Dakota – The news media is reporting that Jonathan Penna , also known as Chief Cow Lick , has stated that he and his group , known as Red Lives Matter , want George Washington to be taken off Mount Rushmore .
They state that it is only fair that Apache Chief Geronimo , be put up there along with Lincoln , Jefferson , and Roosevelt .
Chief Cow Lick pointed out that 2 of the 4 presidents actually owned slaves , as if they were furniture , cooking utensils , or a skateboard .
Senate leader @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , said that Geronimo scalped hundreds of settlers , pioneers , and Wild West Show audience members .
A representative with the Indians of America organization said that `` Moscow Mitch '' really needs to stop kissing DJT 's ass so much .
He suggested that the Kentucky relic start reviewing some of the 7,000 amendments , that have been languishing on top of his desk for 36-plus months .
Meanwhile , Senator Elizabeth Warren , who POTUS has called “ Pocahontas , ” remarked that one of her great , great , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Geronimo ’ s ex-wives , Woman-Who-Fries-Bison Balls .

CUSTER, South Dakota – The news media is reporting that Jonathan Penna, also known as Chief Cow Lick, has stated that he and his group, known as Red Lives Matter, want George Washington to be taken off Mount Rushmore.
They state that it is only fair that Apache Chief Geronimo, be put up there along with Lincoln, Jefferson, and Roosevelt.
Chief Cow Lick pointed out that 2 of the 4 presidents actually owned slaves, as if they were furniture, cooking utensils, or a skateboard.
Senate leader, Mitch “Turtle Face” McConnell, said that Geronimo scalped hundreds of settlers, pioneers, and Wild West Show audience members.
A representative with the Indians of America organization said that "Moscow Mitch" really needs to stop kissing DJT's ass so much.
He suggested that the Kentucky relic start reviewing some of the 7,000 amendments, that have been languishing on top of his desk for 36-plus months.
Meanwhile, Senator Elizabeth Warren, who POTUS has called “Pocahontas,” remarked that one of her great, great, great uncles briefly dated one of Chief Geronimo’s ex-wives, Woman-Who-Fries-Bison Balls.


thespoof--2020-07-08--Trump suggests golf game to decide election

President Trump tweeted this morning that a game of golf should decide the 2020 US election , to avoid what he claims are `` fake voters '' that would corrupt the result .
`` A lot of people say it 's the best way to decide who should be president , '' said Trump .
`` We would compete man to man , not like this fraudulent polling .
We could even play golf at Mar-A-Lago , it has its own course .
It means the radical left wo n't be able to influence the election and we 'll get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has not yet responded to the suggestion , but , even if he accepted , it would overturn centuries of tradition , and would probably be unconstitutional .
Legal expert , Geoff Judge , said , `` It 's totally unprecedented .
Replacing democracy with a golf game is so insane , I ca n't believe even this lunatic president thought of it . ''
Trump insisted in another post on social media that he was serious .
`` ELECTIONS ARE FOR LOSERS ! ''
he wrote .
`` I NEVER LOSE .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Biden too 'chicken ' to play golf with me ?
He must know I 'm an ace golfer , the best .
I 'm very good at golf .
Some people say I should have gone pro , but I was too busy making gajillions of money . ''

President Trump tweeted this morning that a game of golf should decide the 2020 US election, to avoid what he claims are "fake voters" that would corrupt the result.
"A lot of people say it's the best way to decide who should be president," said Trump. "We would compete man to man, not like this fraudulent polling. We could even play golf at Mar-A-Lago, it has its own course. It means the radical left won't be able to influence the election and we'll get a fair result."
Joe Biden has not yet responded to the suggestion, but, even if he accepted, it would overturn centuries of tradition, and would probably be unconstitutional. Legal expert, Geoff Judge, said, "It's totally unprecedented. Replacing democracy with a golf game is so insane, I can't believe even this lunatic president thought of it."
Trump insisted in another post on social media that he was serious. "ELECTIONS ARE FOR LOSERS!" he wrote. "I NEVER LOSE." He later added, "Is Biden too 'chicken' to play golf with me? He must know I'm an ace golfer, the best. I'm very good at golf. Some people say I should have gone pro, but I was too busy making gajillions of money."


thespoof--2020-07-08--Looters Complain About Macy's Return Policy

BILLINGSGATE POST : War is Hell .
To the Victor belong the spoils ... Blah , Blah and more Blah .
Alexander the Great wasn ’ t called “ Great ” because he loved children and dogs .
Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun struck fear into the hearts of the peoples of Western Asia and Europe .
Plundering , to them , was as American as apple pie .
Today , their counterparts are the Masked Looters of America .
All wars have casualties .
After the fighting and looting is over , an inventory must be taken .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ be heard .
Take Alexandria from the Bronx : *F*cking service at Macy 's is ridiculous .
I grabbed a rack of Greg Lauren Patchwork Drop Crotch Jeans , and none of them fit .
Went back the next day , and the place was boarded up . ''
Then there was this Latter-Day Genghis from Lower Manhattan : `` Whew , Dude .
Got caught up in the action the other night .
Threw my arm out tossing a Molotov cocktail at a police car .
Who 's gon na pay for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not talking about the vehicle .
Attila the Honey had her own story : `` Went shopping at Celine Boutique in Soho the other night .
They were having a fire sale .
Prices were absolutely ridiculous ; blouses for $ 1700 .
Can you imagine paying that much ?
Well , neither can I.
” Dirty : `` Yo , Dude .
They will get over it . ''

BILLINGSGATE POST: War is Hell. To the Victor belong the spoils...Blah, Blah and more Blah. Alexander the Great wasn’t called “Great” because he loved children and dogs. Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun struck fear into the hearts of the peoples of Western Asia and Europe. Plundering, to them, was as American as apple pie.
Today, their counterparts are the Masked Looters of America.
All wars have casualties. After the fighting and looting is over, an inventory must be taken. Some looters have legitimate complaints that must be heard.
Take Alexandria from the Bronx: *F*cking service at Macy's is ridiculous. I grabbed a rack of Greg Lauren Patchwork Drop Crotch Jeans, and none of them fit. Went back the next day, and the place was boarded up."
Then there was this Latter-Day Genghis from Lower Manhattan: "Whew, Dude. Got caught up in the action the other night. Threw my arm out tossing a Molotov cocktail at a police car. Who's gonna pay for that?"
I suspect he's not talking about the vehicle.
Attila the Honey had her own story: "Went shopping at Celine Boutique in Soho the other night. They were having a fire sale. Prices were absolutely ridiculous; blouses for $1700. Can you imagine paying that much? Well, neither can I.”
You're looking good, babe.
Slim: "I can feel their pain."
Dirty: "Yo, Dude. They will get over it."


thespoof--2020-07-09--Enhanced Interrogation supervisor under investigation as she failed to provide protective face masks

Enhanced Interrogation supervisor under investigation as she failed to provide protective face masks for clients

Since the Coronavirus pandemic put many full-time enhanced interrogators on furlough , there has been a shocking reduction in protection for staff , with many chambers not even providing a first aid kit .
Freelance interrogator , Mr. E. Gore , of McLean , VA , said , ‘ Sure , I ’ ve had shocks from unearthed cattle prods , tetanus from rusty nipple clamps , but now clients without masks - haven ’ t they heard of Coronavirus !
’ The privatization of enhanced interrogation combined with the current pandemic , means standards have dropped .
‘ The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ’ said Chad Jigsaw , Health and Safety Inspector to Licensed Torture Chambers .
‘ Clients need to wear masks , it ’ s common sense .
Some of these people are coughing up blood , bile and breathing heavily.
’ ‘ We did suspend operations , and some clients , during the lockdown , but we do value the safety of our staff , ’ said Brenda O ’ Lox of Inquisitions R Us .
‘ Now we have a hell of a backlog , and we ca n't get Office @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gag our clients.
’ ‘ I ’ ve taken to putting plastic bags over their heads , ’ said Gore .
‘ But I have to provide them myself , and often the clients simply pass out or even die before I ’ ve finished .
It ’ s so unprofessional.
’ ‘ There are a number of cowboys in this business , ’ added Chad Jigsaw .
‘ We are conducting a full investigation , and heads will roll , as well as a few other body parts .
I mean , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this , the dark ages ?
’

Since the Coronavirus pandemic put many full-time enhanced interrogators on furlough, there has been a shocking reduction in protection for staff, with many chambers not even providing a first aid kit.
Freelance interrogator, Mr. E. Gore, of McLean, VA, said, ‘Sure, I’ve had shocks from unearthed cattle prods, tetanus from rusty nipple clamps, but now clients without masks - haven’t they heard of Coronavirus!’
The privatization of enhanced interrogation combined with the current pandemic, means standards have dropped. ‘The Enhanced Interrogators Code of Practice is clear,’ said Chad Jigsaw, Health and Safety Inspector to Licensed Torture Chambers. ‘Clients need to wear masks, it’s common sense. Some of these people are coughing up blood, bile and breathing heavily.’
‘We did suspend operations, and some clients, during the lockdown, but we do value the safety of our staff,’ said Brenda O’Lox of Inquisitions R Us. ‘Now we have a hell of a backlog, and we can't get Office of Torture-approved masks, but we do gag our clients.’
‘I’ve taken to putting plastic bags over their heads,’ said Gore. ‘But I have to provide them myself, and often the clients simply pass out or even die before I’ve finished. It’s so unprofessional.’
‘There are a number of cowboys in this business,’ added Chad Jigsaw. ‘We are conducting a full investigation, and heads will roll, as well as a few other body parts. I mean, plastic bags and gagging! What is this, the dark ages?’


thespoof--2020-07-09--Kellyanne Conway is Madder-Than-a-Wet-Hen Because Her Daughter Keeps Attacking Her Boss, President T

Kellyanne Conway is Madder-Than-a-Wet-Hen Because Her Daughter Keeps Attacking Her Boss, President Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Reports filtering out of the George and Kellyanne Conway household , state that Kellyanne is totally @ @ @ @ @ ’ s verbal attacks on POTUS .
Claudia Conway , stated that the `` Pied @ @ @ @ @ has about as much business being president of the United States , as Elizabeth Warren @ @ @ @ @ star .
The little sweetheart , that the media has dubbed “ Claudia the Castrator @ @ @ @ @ 's just getting started .
Vice-President Pence told Fox News anchor , Laura Ingraham , @ @ @ @ @ the little Conway pixie in her place .
Little Claudia got wind of that remark @ @ @ @ @ “ Hey Pency , I got your pixie right here , you Lindsey Graham-sissy acting @ @ @ @ @ neighbor of the Conway 's , says that every night when Kellyanne gets home from @ @ @ @ @ and Claudia are waiting for her , and as soon as she walks in the @ @ @ @ @ welcome to Fireworks City !

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reports filtering out of the George and Kellyanne Conway household, state that Kellyanne is totally stressed out over her daughter’s verbal attacks on POTUS.
Claudia Conway, stated that the "Pied Piper of the Potomac" has about as much business being president of the United States, as Elizabeth Warren has of being a porn star.
The little sweetheart, that the media has dubbed “Claudia the Castrator,” says that she's just getting started.
Vice-President Pence told Fox News anchor, Laura Ingraham, that someone needs to put the little Conway pixie in her place.
Little Claudia got wind of that remark and quickly fired back, “Hey Pency, I got your pixie right here, you Lindsey Graham-sissy acting, transparent-looking pantywaist.”
A neighbor of the Conway's, says that every night when Kellyanne gets home from the White house, George and Claudia are waiting for her, and as soon as she walks in the door, it’s welcome to Fireworks City!


thespoof--2020-07-10--President Trump Says He Will Never, Ever Get The Coronavirus

NEW YORK CITY – The President flew into New York City to make a special appearance on the Sean Hannity Show .
Trump informed Hannity that he will never , ever come down with the Chinese Checker Coronavirus King Kong Flu .
He was asked how in the world he could be so sure .
POTUS replied that his personal physician , Dr. Yang Fu Fi , told him that he has the most amazingly perfect immune system of anyone , since immune systems were first discovered back in early 1942 .
He went on to say that , think @ @ @ @ @ @ @ next to the president of Brazil , who now has it .
He has been very close to his future-daughter-in-law , Kimberly Guilfoyle , who now has it .
And he has been very close to one of the White House cooks and a pizza delivery boy , both who now have it .
Trump looked at Hannity and said , “ So my BFF , you do the math.
” Hannity grinned and gave him a fist bump , as he said , “ Mr .
President , you could literally French @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Hong Kong , and you wouldn ’ t even have to gargle with Lysol once.
” “ Yeppers , ” replied the greatest , most non-racist , non-bigoted , non-colluding president in the history of history .

NEW YORK CITY – The President flew into New York City to make a special appearance on the Sean Hannity Show.
Trump informed Hannity that he will never, ever come down with the Chinese Checker Coronavirus King Kong Flu.
He was asked how in the world he could be so sure.
POTUS replied that his personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, told him that he has the most amazingly perfect immune system of anyone, since immune systems were first discovered back in early 1942.
He went on to say that, think about it, he has been right next to the president of Brazil, who now has it. He has been very close to his future-daughter-in-law, Kimberly Guilfoyle, who now has it. And he has been very close to one of the White House cooks and a pizza delivery boy, both who now have it.
Trump looked at Hannity and said, “So my BFF, you do the math.”
Hannity grinned and gave him a fist bump, as he said, “Mr. President, you could literally French kiss a hundred porn stars in downtown Hong Kong, and you wouldn’t even have to gargle with Lysol once.”
“Yeppers,” replied the greatest, most non-racist, non-bigoted, non-colluding president in the history of history.


thespoof--2020-07-10--The U.S. Supreme Court Has Ruled 7-2 That President Trump Has To Release His Tax Records

WASHINGTON , D.C. – In a move that all Democrats are loving , and about which most Republicans are saying WTF , the highest court in the land has thumbed their noses up at Trump .
The Trumpster is fit to be tied , and has already worked overtime tweeting up a storm .
In fact , the White House doctor , Dr. Fang Fu Fi , had to check out POTUS , because he nearly sprained his tiny , little finger with his 90 mph tweeting .
Melania said that she even saw smoke coming out of her husband @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of her husband ’ s ears .
So , after the longest tax audit in the history of the universe , President Trump will now have to release his tax records or get hit with a $ 2.7 million non-compliance fine .
When Russian leader , Vladimir Putin , heard about the vote , he reportedly said , `` Oh , shit , it looks like my BFF Comrade Donald is going to be toast ! ''
The Hackensack Unveiler Chronicle newspaper reported that is nice to finally see that Republican judges , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ finally joined Judge John Roberts , and grown a pair .
The only dissenters were quasi-judges , Samuel “ No Balls ” Alito , and black judge , Clarence “ Uncle Tom ” Thomas , who definitely looks black , but who thinks he ’ s Swedish .
Whoopi Goldberg , of `` The View '' , said that Judge “ Clara ” needed to take a good , long , hard , look in 'her ' mirror .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that all Democrats are loving, and about which most Republicans are saying WTF, the highest court in the land has thumbed their noses up at Trump.
The Trumpster is fit to be tied, and has already worked overtime tweeting up a storm.
In fact, the White House doctor, Dr. Fang Fu Fi, had to check out POTUS, because he nearly sprained his tiny, little finger with his 90 mph tweeting.
Melania said that she even saw smoke coming out of her husband’s cell phone, and out of her husband’s ears.
So, after the longest tax audit in the history of the universe, President Trump will now have to release his tax records or get hit with a $2.7 million non-compliance fine.
When Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, heard about the vote, he reportedly said, "Oh, shit, it looks like my BFF Comrade Donald is going to be toast!"
The Hackensack Unveiler Chronicle newspaper reported that is nice to finally see that Republican judges, Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, have finally joined Judge John Roberts, and grown a pair.
The only dissenters were quasi-judges, Samuel “No Balls” Alito, and black judge, Clarence “Uncle Tom” Thomas, who definitely looks black, but who thinks he’s Swedish.
Whoopi Goldberg, of "The View", said that Judge “Clara” needed to take a good, long, hard, look in 'her' mirror.


thespoof--2020-07-10--Daring Social Media Maverick Re-posts "Banned" Graphic on Facebook

House wife and self declared internet crusader , Betsy Mcflangerhanger , recently re-posted a graphic that came up on her news feed despite the graphic 's warning that it had been removed from Facebook .
Mrs. McFlangerhanger described the moment she witnessed the contraband post , and the swift action she took .
`` I was just doing my mid-morning fifth check-in on the Facebook , when I saw a picture with the Pledge of Allegiance and an American flag on in that said 'Facebook took it down , please repost ! '
and I knew I had to repost @ @ @ @ @ @ @ over the act , but felt the benefit outweighed the potential consequences of her actions .
`` I do n't know for sure what they 'll do to me , but they sure as heck will know that I support America ! ''
Asked how she thought the original post might have survived the stringent Facebook censorship the graphic seemed to be under , she guessed , `` I figure it must have been too new when I saw it , but I 'm sure it has been taken down by now .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ visible , she said , `` yes , '' and that it had been there `` for about a week . ''
She also expressed a growing optimism that she may have figured out some loophole that would give her the ability to share similar posts that are under attack in the future .
`` I 'm probably just a little gal to them , and that 's just fine with me .
If I catch them trying to take down the Lord 's Prayer , you can bet I 'll be re-posting @ @ @

House wife and self declared internet crusader, Betsy Mcflangerhanger, recently re-posted a graphic that came up on her news feed despite the graphic's warning that it had been removed from Facebook.
Mrs. McFlangerhanger described the moment she witnessed the contraband post, and the swift action she took.
"I was just doing my mid-morning fifth check-in on the Facebook, when I saw a picture with the Pledge of Allegiance and an American flag on in that said 'Facebook took it down, please repost!' and I knew I had to repost it."
Betsy expressed some anxiety over the act, but felt the benefit outweighed the potential consequences of her actions.
"I don't know for sure what they'll do to me, but they sure as heck will know that I support America!"
Asked how she thought the original post might have survived the stringent Facebook censorship the graphic seemed to be under, she guessed, "I figure it must have been too new when I saw it, but I'm sure it has been taken down by now."
Asked if her re-post was still visible, she said, "yes," and that it had been there "for about a week."
She also expressed a growing optimism that she may have figured out some loophole that would give her the ability to share similar posts that are under attack in the future.
"I'm probably just a little gal to them, and that's just fine with me. If I catch them trying to take down the Lord's Prayer, you can bet I'll be re-posting that!"


thespoof--2020-07-11--New sport at Olympics

New sport at Olympics

The next Olympic Games will feature a new sport : masked nude high jump .
Athletes will be expected to @ @ @ @ @ naked save for a medical mask , ruled compulsory due to anti COVID-19 conditions .
@ @ @ @ @ not wearing a mask , then he or she will be incarcerated in a plastic @ @ @ @ @ a hostile regime such as North Korea or Iran .
Officials deny that these rules @ @ @ @ @ say they will force athletes to respect the honour and glory of competing .
One @ @ @ @ @ Games as farcical .
So will there be a general boycott ?
We will see @

The next Olympic Games will feature a new sport: masked nude high jump. Athletes will be expected to traverse the high bar fully naked save for a medical mask, ruled compulsory due to anti COVID-19 conditions.
If an athlete is caught not wearing a mask, then he or she will be incarcerated in a plastic pod and shipped off to a hostile regime such as North Korea or Iran. Officials deny that these rules are too heavy-handed, and say they will force athletes to respect the honour and glory of competing.
One athlete has already declared the Games as farcical. So will there be a general boycott? We will see.


thespoof--2020-07-11--Vandals Take Down a Statue of Donald Duck

ALBUQUERQUE , New Mexico – The Albuquerque Police Department reported that overnight vandals stole the 13-foot tall statue of Disney character , Donald Duck .
Police are checking surveillance video , and hope to catch the duck vandal or vandals .
Police Chief Hernando Penobscot , said that in his 28-year career with the APD , he has never seen this type of sick , hate-filled vandalism .
He recalls seeing plenty of ‘ I hate Hillary ’ and ‘ I hate Trump ’ graffiti on walls , and even a nasty charcoal drawing of Ann Coulter ’ s flat @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of hostility as this .
He pointed out that every pawn shop in town has been alerted to be on the lookout for someone bringing in the Donald Duck statue .
The chief added that it 's not like there ’ s a lucrative market for Donald Duck statues ; at least not in New Mexico - California , maybe .
The mayor of Albuquerque did say that he received a letter stating that the statue was stolen because Donald Duck does not have any pants on , so , therefore , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by children .
Meanwhile , the Albuquerque Chamber of Commerce is offering a reward of $ 3,700 to the thieves , if they return the Donald Duck statue unharmed - no questions asked .

ALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico – The Albuquerque Police Department reported that overnight vandals stole the 13-foot tall statue of Disney character, Donald Duck.
Police are checking surveillance video, and hope to catch the duck vandal or vandals.
Police Chief Hernando Penobscot, said that in his 28-year career with the APD, he has never seen this type of sick, hate-filled vandalism.
He recalls seeing plenty of ‘I hate Hillary’ and ‘I hate Trump’ graffiti on walls, and even a nasty charcoal drawing of Ann Coulter’s flat chest, but nothing to the degree of hostility as this.
He pointed out that every pawn shop in town has been alerted to be on the lookout for someone bringing in the Donald Duck statue.
The chief added that it's not like there’s a lucrative market for Donald Duck statues; at least not in New Mexico - California, maybe.
The mayor of Albuquerque did say that he received a letter stating that the statue was stolen because Donald Duck does not have any pants on, so, therefore, the statue is not suitable to be viewed by children.
Meanwhile, the Albuquerque Chamber of Commerce is offering a reward of $3,700 to the thieves, if they return the Donald Duck statue unharmed - no questions asked.


thespoof--2020-07-11--Roger Stone Has Just Become The Luckiest Man in America Thanks To President Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The man who many say knows dozens of sneaky , underhanded things that President Trump has done will not be going to prison , after all .
In yet another presidential pardon , King Donald the 1st , has just given Roger Stone a 'get out of jail free ' card , or rather a 'you don ’ t have to go to jail ' card .
Every newspaper in the USA , and even those in Russia , China , and Nova Scotia , are all reporting that Roger Stone is one very lucky SOB @ @ @ @ @ @ @ getting a prison number , courtesy of his childhood friend , Donnie .
Donald Trump 's BFF has just won the 'Non-Monetary ' lottery .
It 's no secret that POTUS was afraid of what Stone would reveal about him , such as how much money he stole from the White House Petty Cash Fund , or the thousands of counterfeit golf balls he has stashed in a You-Store-It facility in the Bronx .
Stone is also the only person on Earth , who knows that Trump has the name “ Stormy ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has actually showed it to him on several occasions .
But for now , President Donald J. Trump can once again say , “ Whew , that sure was a close one .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The man who many say knows dozens of sneaky, underhanded things that President Trump has done will not be going to prison, after all.
In yet another presidential pardon, King Donald the 1st, has just given Roger Stone a 'get out of jail free' card, or rather a 'you don’t have to go to jail' card.
Every newspaper in the USA, and even those in Russia, China, and Nova Scotia, are all reporting that Roger Stone is one very lucky SOB.
Roger the Dodger has certainly dodged getting a prison number, courtesy of his childhood friend, Donnie.
Donald Trump's BFF has just won the 'Non-Monetary' lottery.
It's no secret that POTUS was afraid of what Stone would reveal about him, such as how much money he stole from the White House Petty Cash Fund, or the thousands of counterfeit golf balls he has stashed in a You-Store-It facility in the Bronx.
Stone is also the only person on Earth, who knows that Trump has the name “Stormy” tattooed underneath his tongue.
The President has actually showed it to him on several occasions.
But for now, President Donald J. Trump can once again say, “Whew, that sure was a close one.”