thespoof--2020-04-27--Silly Woman Offended When Told She Should Feel Nuts

BILLINGSGATE POST : When in doubt , don ’ t say it .
Elmer Smuckmeister , a retired farmer living in Beaver Crossing , Nebraska , now knows the Law of Unintended Consequences has consequences .
Elmer was a hog farmer .
He knew nothing about social niceties .
80 years old , he had never married .
It wasn ’ t that he didn ’ t want to , it was because he thought all the women in Beaver Crossing were too uppity , especially those who went to the Church of Perpetual Indulgence .
He had always had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who lived just down the street .
Her late husband had died some years ago , leaving her a pile of money .
He thought that she was a reasonably attractive heifer , as he referred to all them there critters .
A little concerned that she may have had something to do with the sudden death of her husband - the obituary said that he had a number of contusions on his skull - Elmer was somewhat reticent in hurrying his courtin ’ of her .
Well , finally he got the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him for an ice cream on his porch swing .
He had her giggling like a schoolgirl as he regaled her with stories of pig belly futures and hog calling .
Olga , that was her name .
She cooed into his ear , “ You make me feel silly , again.
” Elmer responded : “ If you wan na really feel nuts , put your hands down my pocket.
” Slim : “ I would guess that was the end of a beautiful relationship.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: When in doubt, don’t say it. Elmer Smuckmeister, a retired farmer living in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, now knows the Law of Unintended Consequences has consequences.
Elmer was a hog farmer. He knew nothing about social niceties. 80 years old, he had never married. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was because he thought all the women in Beaver Crossing were too uppity, especially those who went to the Church of Perpetual Indulgence.
He had always had a secret yearning for the well-to-do widow who lived just down the street. Her late husband had died some years ago, leaving her a pile of money. He thought that she was a reasonably attractive heifer, as he referred to all them there critters.
A little concerned that she may have had something to do with the sudden death of her husband - the obituary said that he had a number of contusions on his skull - Elmer was somewhat reticent in hurrying his courtin’ of her.
Well, finally he got the courage up to ask her to join him for an ice cream on his porch swing.
He had her giggling like a schoolgirl as he regaled her with stories of pig belly futures and hog calling.
Olga, that was her name. She cooed into his ear, “You make me feel silly, again.”
Elmer responded: “If you wanna really feel nuts, put your hands down my pocket.”
Slim: “I would guess that was the end of a beautiful relationship.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He could have been a contender.”


thespoof--2020-04-28--President Trump's Speeches To Be Accompanied By Canned Laughter In TV News Reports

The use of recorded or 'canned ' laughter , often employed to encourage studio audience participation , is to be introduced into television news reports that cover the speeches of US president , Donald Trump , it has been revealed .
With so much of the content of what the leader of the free world says being barely believable , and often ludicrously funny , executives at many stations at the forefront of news reporting have now decided to add the sound of uproarious , hysterical laughter to accompany Trump 's words .
His childlike antics , lies , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and reality , in general , have become .
Mr. Trump 's suggestion , last week , that household disinfectant should be used in the fight against COVID-19 was a landmark event , deserving of not merely an annoying and insipid cackle of canned laughter , but also a standing ovation for recklessness and stupidity .
In Britain , the BBC is considering adding canned laughter to reports of anything Prime Minister Boris Johnson says , though many think this is an absolute waste of licence-payers ' money , as merely setting eyes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people rolling about in the aisles .

The use of recorded or 'canned' laughter, often employed to encourage studio audience participation, is to be introduced into television news reports that cover the speeches of US president, Donald Trump, it has been revealed.
With so much of the content of what the leader of the free world says being barely believable, and often ludicrously funny, executives at many stations at the forefront of news reporting have now decided to add the sound of uproarious, hysterical laughter to accompany Trump's words.
His childlike antics, lies, and misinformation are examples of how ridiculous politics and reality, in general, have become.
Mr. Trump's suggestion, last week, that household disinfectant should be used in the fight against COVID-19 was a landmark event, deserving of not merely an annoying and insipid cackle of canned laughter, but also a standing ovation for recklessness and stupidity.
In Britain, the BBC is considering adding canned laughter to reports of anything Prime Minister Boris Johnson says, though many think this is an absolute waste of licence-payers' money, as merely setting eyes on the goon is enough to send people rolling about in the aisles.


thespoof--2020-04-28--Trump to withhold millions of dollars in funding to White House Occupant (WHO).

President Donald Trump announced recently that he is halting funding to the White House Occupant ( WHO ) while his administration reviews the handling of the coronavirus , accusing the WHO of bungling the response and failing to communicate the disease ’ s threat .
The WHO “ severely mismanaged and covered up the spread of the coronavirus ” , said the President .
Even though the world acknowledged the coronavirus as a global health emergency in late January , the WHO was still downplaying the disease and drawing misleading comparisons to the seasonal flu .
“ We have it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one person coming from China .
It ’ s going to be just fine ” said the WHO .
For the whole month of February , the WHO dismissed Covid-19 as a hoax , and reassured Americans that “ It ’ s like a miracle , it will disappear .
See , the stock market is starting to look very good to me !
” The WHO grudgingly admitted there were a few problems , such as the PPE disaster , the hospital-bed disaster , the ventilator disaster and the disinfectant disaster , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ .
With over one million confirmed cases of Covid-19 and 56,000 deaths ( and counting ) in the US , the WHO claimed that it ’ s all the fault of the Chinese and the you-know-WHO in Geneva .
To ease the burden , Americans will receive $ 1200 stimulus cheques that will bear the name of the WHO .
‘ Lest we forget ’ .

President Donald Trump announced recently that he is halting funding to the White House Occupant (WHO) while his administration reviews the handling of the coronavirus, accusing the WHO of bungling the response and failing to communicate the disease’s threat.
The WHO “severely mismanaged and covered up the spread of the coronavirus”, said the President. Even though the world acknowledged the coronavirus as a global health emergency in late January, the WHO was still downplaying the disease and drawing misleading comparisons to the seasonal flu. “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming from China. It’s going to be just fine” said the WHO.
For the whole month of February, the WHO dismissed Covid-19 as a hoax, and reassured Americans that “It’s like a miracle, it will disappear. See, the stock market is starting to look very good to me!”
The WHO grudgingly admitted there were a few problems, such as the PPE disaster, the hospital-bed disaster, the ventilator disaster and the disinfectant disaster, but dismissed them as ‘fake news’.
With over one million confirmed cases of Covid-19 and 56,000 deaths (and counting) in the US, the WHO claimed that it’s all the fault of the Chinese and the you-know-WHO in Geneva. To ease the burden, Americans will receive $1200 stimulus cheques that will bear the name of the WHO. ‘Lest we forget’.


thespoof--2020-04-28--Through Unflinching Honesty and Vulnerability, Nashville Man Scores Girlfriend’s Permission for Lici

Through Unflinching Honesty and Vulnerability, Nashville Man Scores Girlfriend’s Permission for Licit Polyamory with Threesome Potential

In a dating tour de force , after being contacted out of the blue by an attractive older woman he ’ d always had a thing for but had never succeeded in enticing into the sack , 37-year-old Clem Lyons of Nashville , Tennessee , scored the permission of the woman he ’ d recently begun dating to see the “ foxy granny ” so long as he pledged to continue working through his codependency issues and not to keep secrets .
“ It just goes to show , honesty is always the best policy , ” said Lyons , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ last pay off in the form of licit polyamory with ( in his view ) threesome potential .
“ In the past , I would have just snuck around and been too afraid to ask for what I really wanted .
It ’ s so validating to see what great things can happen when everyone knows the truth and is being treated with respect.
” He chuckled .
“ Or maybe it ’ s just that I ’ m finally associating with actual adults.
” Ironically , as it happened , the oldest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the alluring 50-year-old woman Lyons had anticipated finally banging – who , despite the “ foxy granny ” moniker , has no children , let alone grandchildren – turned out to have zero interest in helping Lyons work through his codependency issues for the benefit of his relationship with his new beau .
“ Yeah , for whatever reason , she suddenly turned really cold , '' said Lyons with a resigned shrug .
“ I ’ m not going to lie – it stung .
But all I can do is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and emotionally available to the women around me .
Oh , and even more importantly , physically available .
At the end of the day , that ’ s what it ’ s all about.
” He smiled ruefully and shook his head .
“ Growing up , man .
Does it ever get easier ?
”

In a dating tour de force, after being contacted out of the blue by an attractive older woman he’d always had a thing for but had never succeeded in enticing into the sack, 37-year-old Clem Lyons of Nashville, Tennessee, scored the permission of the woman he’d recently begun dating to see the “foxy granny” so long as he pledged to continue working through his codependency issues and not to keep secrets.
“It just goes to show, honesty is always the best policy,” said Lyons, gratified to see his unflinching vulnerability at last pay off in the form of licit polyamory with (in his view) threesome potential. “In the past, I would have just snuck around and been too afraid to ask for what I really wanted. It’s so validating to see what great things can happen when everyone knows the truth and is being treated with respect.”
He chuckled. “Or maybe it’s just that I’m finally associating with actual adults.”
Ironically, as it happened, the oldest of the “adults" in question, the alluring 50-year-old woman Lyons had anticipated finally banging – who, despite the “foxy granny” moniker, has no children, let alone grandchildren – turned out to have zero interest in helping Lyons work through his codependency issues for the benefit of his relationship with his new beau.
“Yeah, for whatever reason, she suddenly turned really cold," said Lyons with a resigned shrug. “I’m not going to lie – it stung. But all I can do is continue to stay open and honest, and emotionally available to the women around me. Oh, and even more importantly, physically available. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.”
He smiled ruefully and shook his head. “Growing up, man. Does it ever get easier?”


thespoof--2020-04-28--Wuhan Spelled Backwards = Nahuw (No Way, Jose) Coronavirus Didn’t Start Here

BILLINGSGATE POST : In The Looking Glass War , a spy novel by John le Carré , everything appears backwards .
And that ’ s the way it ’ s supposed to be .
Historically , there were many generals who would consult with their semordnilapicist before undertaking an important invasion .
As stated previously , semordnipology is the study of reversing the letters of a word to find hidden meaning .
Like astrology , it has both skeptics and advocates .
Napoleon was a firm believer in semordnilapology , as was Confucius .
In fact , that is why @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they attempted to cross the Alps .
Some would say , that is why his army suffered defeat .
Another famous military genius who believed in this was General Field Marshal Cinque , the head of the Symbionese Liberation Army .
He was said to have driven a psychedelic yellow VW Van across America in reverse , after abducting heiress Patricia Hearst .
Even though the van had a “ Fu*k Richard Nixon ” sign painted on it , law enforcement officers were unable to identify and apprehend the kidnappers .
In the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ study of words and the way in which their meanings have changed throughout history , no one would have predicted that , “ Coronavirus ” spelled backwards comes out “ Suriv-Anoroc , and that “ Virus ” spelled backwards comes out “ Suriv , ” with the Japanese pronunciation sounding like “ surrive.
” Adding to this chain of unbelievable facts is that Wuhan spelled backwards = Nahuw .
As everyone knows , Wuhan is the Chinese city where the virus originated .
Slim : `` Is it possible that the Chinese can @ @ @ @ @

BILLINGSGATE POST: In The Looking Glass War, a spy novel by John le Carré, everything appears backwards. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Historically, there were many generals who would consult with their semordnilapicist before undertaking an important invasion.
As stated previously, semordnipology is the study of reversing the letters of a word to find hidden meaning. Like astrology, it has both skeptics and advocates.
Napoleon was a firm believer in semordnilapology, as was Confucius. In fact, that is why Napoleon had his elephants walk backwards as they attempted to cross the Alps. Some would say, that is why his army suffered defeat.
Another famous military genius who believed in this was General Field Marshal Cinque, the head of the Symbionese Liberation Army. He was said to have driven a psychedelic yellow VW Van across America in reverse, after abducting heiress Patricia Hearst. Even though the van had a “Fu*k Richard Nixon” sign painted on it, law enforcement officers were unable to identify and apprehend the kidnappers.
But let’s move on.
In the World of Etymology, which is the study of words and the way in which their meanings have changed throughout history, no one would have predicted that, “Coronavirus” spelled backwards comes out “Suriv-Anoroc, and that “Virus” spelled backwards comes out “Suriv,” with the Japanese pronunciation sounding like “surrive.”
Adding to this chain of unbelievable facts is that Wuhan spelled backwards = Nahuw. As everyone knows, Wuhan is the Chinese city where the virus originated.
A mirror coincidence. I think not.
Slim: "Is it possible that the Chinese can still deny this?"
Dirty: "Yo, Dude. Nahuw, José. (No way, José). They’re toast.”


thespoof--2020-04-28--Mar-a-Lago Tests Positive For the Coronavirus

PALM BEACH , Florida – An environmental agency , that deals in disease commercial testing and control , has just tested the entire Mar-a-Lago compound , known as `` The Dixie White House . ''
A representative with the agency stated that the complex showed to have an extensive concentration of the COVID-19 flu virus , especially on the dining room table where the president spends a lot of his time eating and tweeting .
President Trump was advised of the findings , and immediately called his press secretary , Kayleigh “ Blondie ” McEnany .
He instructed her to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that it ’ s just simply a hoax , and that Mar-a-Lago is as clean as the inside of the mouth of the nation ’ s number one germaphobe , Howie Mandel .
McEnany has quickly become Trump ’ s little obedient puppy dog , who is totally infatuated with the president .
Vice-President Pence has even pointed out that , if the president asks Kayleigh what 2 plus 2 is , she will reply “ Mr .
President , 2 plus 2 is whatever you say it is , sir.
” Reports @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Kellyanne Conway , is jealous of Kayleigh , and has nicknamed her “ Little Miss Suck Up ” .
A White House source has reportedly said that Trump has ordered that the Mar-a-Lago Coronavirus test results be sealed for 25 years .

PALM BEACH, Florida – An environmental agency, that deals in disease commercial testing and control, has just tested the entire Mar-a-Lago compound, known as "The Dixie White House."
A representative with the agency stated that the complex showed to have an extensive concentration of the COVID-19 flu virus, especially on the dining room table where the president spends a lot of his time eating and tweeting.
President Trump was advised of the findings, and immediately called his press secretary, Kayleigh “Blondie” McEnany.
He instructed her to put out a presidential notice, saying that it’s just simply a hoax, and that Mar-a-Lago is as clean as the inside of the mouth of the nation’s number one germaphobe, Howie Mandel.
McEnany has quickly become Trump’s little obedient puppy dog, who is totally infatuated with the president.
Vice-President Pence has even pointed out that, if the president asks Kayleigh what 2 plus 2 is, she will reply “Mr. President, 2 plus 2 is whatever you say it is, sir.”
Reports are, that Trump’s assistant, Kellyanne Conway, is jealous of Kayleigh, and has nicknamed her “Little Miss Suck Up”.
A White House source has reportedly said that Trump has ordered that the Mar-a-Lago Coronavirus test results be sealed for 25 years.


thespoof--2020-04-29--President Trump Presented With Panda From Xi Jinping

In a show of genuine heartfelt friendship , and to show that his relationship with the US really matters , @ @ @ @ @ Jinping , has sent a gift of a giant panda to President Trump .
The @ @ @ @ @ unloaded from a Chinese junk at Baltimore yesterday afternoon .
After undergoing tests for rabies @ @ @ @ @ , B , C , D , and E , malaria , dengue fever , @ @ @ @ @ panda - known as 'Mony-Um ' - made its way from the port by taxi @ @ @ @ @ accompanied by a wildlife expert and Vice-President Mike Pence , to meet Mr. Trump .
@ @ @ @ @ much .
Just kept chewing on some bamboo . ''
Having arrived at the White @ @ @ @ @ to Trump , and the two shook hands and sat down to some tea .
@ @ @ @ @ discussing trade possibilities .
Asked later how the meeting with President Trump had gone , @ @ @ @ @ grunted .

In a show of genuine heartfelt friendship, and to show that his relationship with the US really matters, the Chinese leader, Xi Jinping, has sent a gift of a giant panda to President Trump.
The panda arrived in a crate unloaded from a Chinese junk at Baltimore yesterday afternoon.
After undergoing tests for rabies, typhoid, hepatitis A, B, C, D, and E, malaria, dengue fever, and yellow fever, the panda - known as 'Mony-Um' - made its way from the port by taxi to Washington, D.C., accompanied by a wildlife expert and Vice-President Mike Pence, to meet Mr. Trump.
According to Pence:
"He didn't say much. Just kept chewing on some bamboo."
Having arrived at the White House, Mony-Um was introduced to Trump, and the two shook hands and sat down to some tea. Aides left the pair apparently discussing trade possibilities.
Asked later how the meeting with President Trump had gone, Mony-Um sniffed the microphone and grunted.


thespoof--2020-04-29--Thousands Volunteer to Visit North Korean Dictator Kim Rather than Stay in Cov-19 Lockdown

According to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo , tens of thousands of Americans suffering from severe cabin fever have volunteered to travel to North Korea for the sole purpose of checking on the medical condition of that country 's infamous Dictator , Kim Jong-Un .
Secretary Pompeo said the request for volunteers has overwhelmed the State Department 's website and email inbox established for the project : www.whereisrocketman.com '' As everyone knows , Leader Kim has not made a public appearance since early April , and President Trump is worried about his friend 's medical condition , '' said Pompeo @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump , thought of the idea of asking for volunteers , knowing people will do anything to get out the house .
The response has exceeded expectation .
Our website nearly crashed , and the inbox is flooded with applications !
I thought Dennis Rodman might sign up , but never could I imagine the outpouring of volunteerism by so many Americans to travel on their own dime to visit a ruthless dictator , who , supposedly , smells like garlic . ''
Secretary Pompeo explained Trump will personally select the `` winner @ @ @ @ @ @ @ News .
`` It 's going to be great .
I 'll bring the top 20 candidates , and narrow it down every day during the coronavirus task force briefing , Apprentice-style .
Everybody 's already talking about it , here and internationally , '' said Trump via video conference from the Oval office .

According to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, tens of thousands of Americans suffering from severe cabin fever have volunteered to travel to North Korea for the sole purpose of checking on the medical condition of that country's infamous Dictator, Kim Jong-Un. Secretary Pompeo said the request for volunteers has overwhelmed the State Department's website and email inbox established for the project: www.whereisrocketman.com
"As everyone knows, Leader Kim has not made a public appearance since early April, and President Trump is worried about his friend's medical condition," said Pompeo. "Our great leader, President Trump, thought of the idea of asking for volunteers, knowing people will do anything to get out the house. The response has exceeded expectation. Our website nearly crashed, and the inbox is flooded with applications! I thought Dennis Rodman might sign up, but never could I imagine the outpouring of volunteerism by so many Americans to travel on their own dime to visit a ruthless dictator, who, supposedly, smells like garlic."
Secretary Pompeo explained Trump will personally select the "winner" during a televised special on Fox News.
"It's going to be great. I'll bring the top 20 candidates, and narrow it down every day during the coronavirus task force briefing, Apprentice-style. Everybody's already talking about it, here and internationally," said Trump via video conference from the Oval office.


thespoof--2020-04-28--President Trump Dumps His Two Black Advisers Diamond & Silk

WASHINGTON , D.C. – President Trump has severed his ties with Lynette A. Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson , better known as the sister duo `` Diamond and Silk '' .
The two black women , have become the most hated women in the black community , due to the fact that they are what is known as `` Aunt Tomasinas . ''
Not since Omorosa left the White House , had Trump received so much ass-kissing from African-American women .
The ‘ sistas ’ spent most of their time singing the praises of POTUS whom they referred to ( in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump finally decided that he had to dump the two obnoxious women after they told Sean Hannity that Nancy Pelosi was born in Kenya , and that Alec Baldwin ’ s grandfather had owned 47 slaves .
Diamond even said that the Chinese had sent the C-19 flu virus over to the United States from China , inside Chinese fortune cookies .
Meanwhile .
Silk commented that Trump had told her that he doesn ’ t like dark meat , but divulged that , if she was Scottish , he would be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a cracker .
An inside White House source revealed that Melania can not stand the two circus clowns , whom she calls the “ Fake Diamond ” and the “ Soiled Silk .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has severed his ties with Lynette A. Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson, better known as the sister duo "Diamond and Silk".
The two black women, have become the most hated women in the black community, due to the fact that they are what is known as "Aunt Tomasinas."
Not since Omorosa left the White House, had Trump received so much ass-kissing from African-American women.
The ‘sistas’ spent most of their time singing the praises of POTUS whom they referred to (in private) as the “Master”.
Trump finally decided that he had to dump the two obnoxious women after they told Sean Hannity that Nancy Pelosi was born in Kenya, and that Alec Baldwin’s grandfather had owned 47 slaves.
Diamond even said that the Chinese had sent the C-19 flu virus over to the United States from China, inside Chinese fortune cookies.
Meanwhile. Silk commented that Trump had told her that he doesn’t like dark meat, but divulged that, if she was Scottish, he would be all over her like Velveeta cheese on a cracker.
An inside White House source revealed that Melania cannot stand the two circus clowns, whom she calls the “Fake Diamond” and the “Soiled Silk.”


thespoof--2020-04-28--President Trump Attacks Fox News (Again)

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The first lady has said that she has no idea what is going on with Mr. President Donald , but he seems to be on a relentless hate campaign .
Mrs. Trump said that her hubby has been waking up at 3 am , getting out of bed , and logging on to his computer ( The Chinese made Cantonese Electra Super P Contingency Model C-1317 ) .
Melania says that she can hear Donnie mumbling words and names like Pelosi , hoax , Andrew Cuomo , witch hunt , and Stormy .
She added that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him unmercifully attacking his number one all-time supporter , Fox News .
The first lady did say that she is really starting to wonder about the president , since she has never once heard him say anything negative about Sean Hannity , Vladimir Putin , or that man whose face looks like a fishing tackle box , former NBA super star , Dennis Rodman .
Melania disclosed that her husband tells her at least seven times a day , that he can not stand watching Fox reporters Chris Wallace , Brett Baier , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that she is really worried now , since Shepherd Smith was fired from Fox News a full six months ago !

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The first lady has said that she has no idea what is going on with Mr. President Donald, but he seems to be on a relentless hate campaign.
Mrs. Trump said that her hubby has been waking up at 3 am, getting out of bed, and logging on to his computer (The Chinese made Cantonese Electra Super P Contingency Model C-1317).
Melania says that she can hear Donnie mumbling words and names like Pelosi, hoax, Andrew Cuomo, witch hunt, and Stormy.
She added that more and more, she is noticing him unmercifully attacking his number one all-time supporter, Fox News.
The first lady did say that she is really starting to wonder about the president, since she has never once heard him say anything negative about Sean Hannity, Vladimir Putin, or that man whose face looks like a fishing tackle box, former NBA super star, Dennis Rodman.
Melania disclosed that her husband tells her at least seven times a day, that he cannot stand watching Fox reporters Chris Wallace, Brett Baier, and Shepherd Smith.
Melania has said that she is really worried now, since Shepherd Smith was fired from Fox News a full six months ago!


thespoof--2020-04-29--US Bacon Crisis Leads to Pentagon Red Alert

Waterloo , Iowa - `` NO BACON '' , that was the critical situation report which NSA and top military analysts saw at 5:40am , as they prepared to deliver the White House Daily Brief .
For more than half of a century , the Pentagon has been able to tell the President of the United States that they could end any emergency which threatens America by three words from the Oval Office - `` Launch All Nukes . ''
Unfortunately , the US military 's most powerful atomic technologies are unable to mitigate damage to the complex supply chain @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from Wuhan , China spread across the world , sudden deaths resulting from the pandemic did not cause concern for any `` Top Brass '' General of any nation , because death is simply part of their business .
Many believed that Oil controlled the destiny of nations , but in the greatest economic crisis of the modern era , oil has literally flooded the markets .
The TRUE WEAKNESS of America had been kept secret for one hundred years , but now it 's clear that BACON is the power which drives @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Federal Government prepared for New York City being destroyed with as many as 2.8 million dead ; however , no plans were made for a pandemic which would stop pigs from being shipped to chop-houses and turned into tasty supermarket proteins .
President Donald J. Trump immediately called Tyson Fresh Meats , Smithfield Pork Processing , Sanderson Farms , and Conagra to verify indications that the production of Bacon would shut down as workers with COVID-19 could not package meat products due to health concerns .
The White House immediately signed an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stay open during the pandemic as a means to minimize disruptions in the US food supply chain .
Although the Illuminati may have infiltrated all aspects of world finance , it appears that the Chinese Communist Party ( CCP ) has struck the Achilles Heel of America - BACON .
Billionaire Globalists have spent decades seeking economic control through oil , supply chains , and exploiting the third world as slave labor .
Is this the first shot fired in World War 3 ?
... Will Bacon become an underground currency among survivalists @ @ @ @ @ @ @ genetic engineering by a Google AI gone rogue ?
We may only know years from now if the Secret Societies and Shadow Governments fail in all of their corrupt schemes for world domination .
• CNN to Become `` Premiere Propaganda Source '' of America

Waterloo, Iowa - "NO BACON", that was the critical situation report which NSA and top military analysts saw at 5:40am, as they prepared to deliver the White House Daily Brief. For more than half of a century, the Pentagon has been able to tell the President of the United States that they could end any emergency which threatens America by three words from the Oval Office - "Launch All Nukes."
Unfortunately, the US military's most powerful atomic technologies are unable to mitigate damage to the complex supply chain of meat products. When the Coronavirus from Wuhan, China spread across the world, sudden deaths resulting from the pandemic did not cause concern for any "Top Brass" General of any nation, because death is simply part of their business.
Many believed that Oil controlled the destiny of nations, but in the greatest economic crisis of the modern era, oil has literally flooded the markets. The TRUE WEAKNESS of America had been kept secret for one hundred years, but now it's clear that BACON is the power which drives the "Engine of Capitalism." The Federal Government prepared for New York City being destroyed with as many as 2.8 million dead; however, no plans were made for a pandemic which would stop pigs from being shipped to chop-houses and turned into tasty supermarket proteins.
President Donald J. Trump immediately called Tyson Fresh Meats, Smithfield Pork Processing, Sanderson Farms, and Conagra to verify indications that the production of Bacon would shut down as workers with COVID-19 could not package meat products due to health concerns. The White House immediately signed an executive order compelling meat processing plants to stay open during the pandemic as a means to minimize disruptions in the US food supply chain.
Although the Illuminati may have infiltrated all aspects of world finance, it appears that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has struck the Achilles Heel of America - BACON. Billionaire Globalists have spent decades seeking economic control through oil, supply chains, and exploiting the third world as slave labor.
Is this the first shot fired in World War 3? ... Will Bacon become an underground currency among survivalists? ... Was COVID-19 the product of genetic engineering by a Google AI gone rogue? We may only know years from now if the Secret Societies and Shadow Governments fail in all of their corrupt schemes for world domination.
Related:


thespoof--2020-04-29--Nashville Man Questions whether He’s Truly Evolving

Always intent on being on the cutting edge of his species , 42-year-old Trent Buchanan of Nashville , Tennessee , had been certain that he was personally helping advance humanity – only for a call from his mother inquiring about his job status to cause him to question whether he was in fact achieving any evolutionary progress whatsoever .
Immediately reverting to his standard refrain from childhood , Trent retorted to his mother , Cindy Buchanan , `` Jobs are stupid .
Super stupid .
No one actually works these days . ''
He scoffed dismissively .
`` Have n't @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
” Trent 's mother ignored the pushback and responded with yet another question .
`` Is it stupid to pay the bills without having to borrow money from your parents every month ?
” In a follow-up partial concession , however , Trent eventually caved to his mother 's insistent suggestion that he download an app on his phone that would enable him to deliver food and packages for money .
“ At first I thought it was just another one of her super-stupid ideas , ” Trent explained .
“ But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ second , it actually wasn ’ t that stupid.
” Trent ended the conversation with his mom feeling bolstered by the progress – mental and emotional as well as financial – he ’ d witnessed in himself over the course of the eight-minute chat with his mom .
“ Sometimes it ’ s hard to tell how far you ’ ve come until you get a little distance .
But I was able to get a little hindsight in 2020 , '' he said .
`` Not too shabby .
”

Always intent on being on the cutting edge of his species, 42-year-old Trent Buchanan of Nashville, Tennessee, had been certain that he was personally helping advance humanity – only for a call from his mother inquiring about his job status to cause him to question whether he was in fact achieving any evolutionary progress whatsoever.
Immediately reverting to his standard refrain from childhood, Trent retorted to his mother, Cindy Buchanan, "Jobs are stupid. Super stupid. No one actually works these days." He scoffed dismissively. "Haven't you heard everything’s gone remote?”
Trent's mother ignored the pushback and responded with yet another question. "Is it stupid to pay the bills without having to borrow money from your parents every month?”
"Double-stupid," replied Trent. "Double-super-stupid, that is.”
In a follow-up partial concession, however, Trent eventually caved to his mother's insistent suggestion that he download an app on his phone that would enable him to deliver food and packages for money.
“At first I thought it was just another one of her super-stupid ideas,” Trent explained. “But when I thought about it for a second, it actually wasn’t that stupid.”
Trent ended the conversation with his mom feeling bolstered by the progress – mental and emotional as well as financial – he’d witnessed in himself over the course of the eight-minute chat with his mom.
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell how far you’ve come until you get a little distance. But I was able to get a little hindsight in 2020," he said. "Not too shabby.”


thespoof--2020-04-29--Paper or Cloth are not Substitutes for Condoms

The Center for Disease Control ( “ CDC ” ) has informed Americans that covering one ’ s face with a mask constructed from cloth , paper towels , or even toilet paper is acceptable , if one is in a position where one ’ s nose and mouth should be covered and a medical mask is not available .
The CDC emphasizes , however , that the N95 respirator mask is still considered the gold standard .
Unfortunately , some Americans have assumed that , if paper products are an acceptable substitute for masks , they should also work @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Tuesday , however , the Department of Health and Human Services advised Americans that condoms constructed from paper or cloth will not protect one from an unwanted pregnancy .
An exasperated HHS spokesperson , David Schlong , commented : “ Only in America could we have a situation where some peckerwoods have assumed that , if paper products protect one against a deadly virus , they will also work to protect one from an unwanted bambino.
” He emphasized that even a product such as the Bounty “ quicker picker upper ” will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ also suggested that “ the experience ” one enjoys when using a paper or cloth product is unlikely to match that when using a condom .
Peckerwood is an epithet sometimes used to denigrate Trump supporters , and Schlong later apologized for using the word .
He explained that he was being sarcastic , and regrets the hurt he may have caused for those who substituted paper for condoms .

The Center for Disease Control (“CDC”) has informed Americans that covering one’s face with a mask constructed from cloth, paper towels, or even toilet paper is acceptable, if one is in a position where one’s nose and mouth should be covered and a medical mask is not available. The CDC emphasizes, however, that the N95 respirator mask is still considered the gold standard.
Unfortunately, some Americans have assumed that, if paper products are an acceptable substitute for masks, they should also work as a replacement for condoms. On Tuesday, however, the Department of Health and Human Services advised Americans that condoms constructed from paper or cloth will not protect one from an unwanted pregnancy. An exasperated HHS spokesperson, David Schlong, commented: “Only in America could we have a situation where some peckerwoods have assumed that, if paper products protect one against a deadly virus, they will also work to protect one from an unwanted bambino.” He emphasized that even a product such as the Bounty “quicker picker upper” will not work for such purposes. Schlong also suggested that “the experience” one enjoys when using a paper or cloth product is unlikely to match that when using a condom.
Peckerwood is an epithet sometimes used to denigrate Trump supporters, and Schlong later apologized for using the word . He explained that he was being sarcastic, and regrets the hurt he may have caused for those who substituted paper for condoms.


thespoof--2020-04-29--Household cures for Covid 19 a la Trump

Household cures for Covid 19 a la Trump

Following Mr. Trump 's stunning suggestion concerning the injection of disinfectant to overcome this infuriating Covid thing which simply wo n't go away , the White House has issued leaflets with further recommendations for the general public , emanating from the Great White President himself .
Those not wishing to administer themselves a shot of Clorox - and it sure is difficult to get hold of these days - can use broth .
Strain the broth to remove any clumps or meat , so that you have a sort of stock .
Inject it once a day to ensure immunity @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , gave himself a dose of whale broth , then jumped from a levee in Long Beach , South California , and swam breaststroke to Peru where he now repairs llama paths .
Soak your facemask in garlic to ensure social distancing , explains the leaflet .
The President rubs his body down with basil leaves after breakfast .
He also recommends biting on a lead pencil whenever you can .
This may result in lead poisoning , but such a death is quicker and 'less scary ' than coronavirus , he states @ @ @ @ @ @ @ drinking their own urine .
This was a sure way to reduce depletion of water resources and guaranteed immunity .
`` Nobody as yet who died from this Covid thing drank their own urine in their week of death , '' said Trump .
Experts point out that no-one who died from the virus had been to the moon in their week of death , either .
Some things were simply unpalatable ... or unfathomable .
And luck is , of course , also referred to .
Trump prefers the old Alabama custom @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pocket .
Though this can be misconstrued , and is conspicuous on public transport .
Further leaflets are being prepared .
The President was clearly pleased at being able to distribute his wisdom .
`` I 'm really getting into this now , '' he said .

Following Mr. Trump's stunning suggestion concerning the injection of disinfectant to overcome this infuriating Covid thing which simply won't go away, the White House has issued leaflets with further recommendations for the general public, emanating from the Great White President himself.
Those not wishing to administer themselves a shot of Clorox - and it sure is difficult to get hold of these days - can use broth. Strain the broth to remove any clumps or meat, so that you have a sort of stock. Inject it once a day to ensure immunity. Peter Shale, of San Francisco, gave himself a dose of whale broth, then jumped from a levee in Long Beach, South California, and swam breaststroke to Peru where he now repairs llama paths.
Soak your facemask in garlic to ensure social distancing, explains the leaflet. The President rubs his body down with basil leaves after breakfast. He also recommends biting on a lead pencil whenever you can. This may result in lead poisoning, but such a death is quicker and 'less scary' than coronavirus, he states.
Americans should also get used to drinking their own urine. This was a sure way to reduce depletion of water resources and guaranteed immunity. "Nobody as yet who died from this Covid thing drank their own urine in their week of death," said Trump. Experts point out that no-one who died from the virus had been to the moon in their week of death, either. Some things were simply unpalatable...or unfathomable.
And luck is, of course, also referred to. Trump prefers the old Alabama custom of keeping a courgette in your trouser pocket. Though this can be misconstrued, and is conspicuous on public transport.
Further leaflets are being prepared. The President was clearly pleased at being able to distribute his wisdom. "I'm really getting into this now," he said.


thespoof--2020-04-29--Meghan Markle Says That Melania Trump Told Her She is Planning on Divorcing the President

LOS ANGELES – Ever since returning to the United States , Meghan Markle and her husband , Prince Harry , have been making lots of friends .
Meghan first met the first lady at a charity softball game to benefit unemployed doctors in Los Angeles County .
The two women started chatting and quickly learned that they had the same dislike for Russian food , Piers Morgan , cellulite , the New England Patriots , and Madonna .
Meghan even mentioned that she had no tolerance for pathological liars .
Melania giggled and said that she hates pathological liars also @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about it so she doesn ’ t offend her husband .
She then said that since the Coronavirus pandemic hit , the president has turned into a constant ‘ bitching machine.
’ Melania revealed that Donald has now even started complaining about the way she kisses , the way she pronounces the word Massachusetts , and the way she doesn ’ t let him touch her below the waist .
Meghan told her that she really and truly feels sorry for her .
Melania thanked her and said that it ’ s okay @ @ @ @ @ @ @ November , she is going to divorce him , and move back to Slovenia , with their son Barron and his pet woodchuck , Woody .

LOS ANGELES – Ever since returning to the United States, Meghan Markle and her husband, Prince Harry, have been making lots of friends.
Meghan first met the first lady at a charity softball game to benefit unemployed doctors in Los Angeles County.
The two women started chatting and quickly learned that they had the same dislike for Russian food, Piers Morgan, cellulite, the New England Patriots, and Madonna.
Meghan even mentioned that she had no tolerance for pathological liars.
Melania giggled and said that she hates pathological liars also, but she manages to keep quiet about it so she doesn’t offend her husband.
She then said that since the Coronavirus pandemic hit, the president has turned into a constant ‘bitching machine.’
Melania revealed that Donald has now even started complaining about the way she kisses, the way she pronounces the word Massachusetts, and the way she doesn’t let him touch her below the waist.
Meghan told her that she really and truly feels sorry for her. Melania thanked her and said that it’s okay, because once the president loses in November, she is going to divorce him, and move back to Slovenia, with their son Barron and his pet woodchuck, Woody.


thespoof--2020-04-28--Trump Invites Self To Make Commencement Address At West Point

And what kind of inspirational advice can Donald Trump present during his commencement address before the 2020 graduating class of West Point ?
The greatest piece of advice : Do n't have a one-nighter with a porn star the same month your wife gives birth to your child .
She 'll get really ticked off if she finds out .
Or : How to avoid making public your tax returns when you have something really incredible to hide , like , maybe , tax fraud , money laundering shenanigans , an entire secret fourth family you ’ re supporting ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ take a smoke .
Buddies , in case there 's another huge , really huge war like say maybe a nuclear World War III , in the Middle East , or keep going to the far , far , keep going even farther east… '' Hand motion indicating curvature of the earth , around and around and around , and hitting the podium ... '' Somewhere in Southeast Asia , and you have the good sense to want to skip that kind of war , just find some quack to sign off saying @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for me , like smack .
But the downside was that I had to battle VD for the next ten years . ''
He could expand on his domestic program by addressing the issue of building the wall and keeping out the Mexicans who are rapists , murderers , drug addicts , and drug dealers .
Fingers crossed that there aren ’ t any West Point graduates of Mexican descent .
And in summation , Donald Trump could throw in some practical okay words , like if you get into a jam , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ else , the man in the moon .
He presently blames everything on either Barack Obama or Hillary .
Hopefully , someone in the audience will start chanting , “ Lock him up .
Lock him up .
Lock him up.
” Afterward , if criticized or ridiculed for giving such a destructive commencement address , he ’ ll excuse it by saying he was being sardonic .
Sarcastic didn ’ t excuse his disinfectant coronavirus cure .
If still criticized , he ’ ll insist that everybody loved his West Point commencement @ @ @ @ @ @ @ all over loved it .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

The horror!
And what kind of inspirational advice can Donald Trump present during his commencement address before the 2020 graduating class of West Point?
The greatest piece of advice: Don't have a one-nighter with a porn star the same month your wife gives birth to your child. She'll get really ticked off if she finds out.
Or: How to avoid making public your tax returns when you have something really incredible to hide, like, maybe, tax fraud, money laundering shenanigans, an entire secret fourth family you’re supporting?
"And females in the class, take a smoke. Buddies, in case there's another huge, really huge war like say maybe a nuclear World War III, in the Middle East, or keep going to the far, far, keep going even farther east…"
Hand motion indicating curvature of the earth, around and around and around, and hitting the podium...
"Somewhere in Southeast Asia, and you have the good sense to want to skip that kind of war, just find some quack to sign off saying you have bone spurs. It worked for me, like smack. But the downside was that I had to battle VD for the next ten years."
He could expand on his domestic program by addressing the issue of building the wall and keeping out the Mexicans who are rapists, murderers, drug addicts, and drug dealers.
Fingers crossed that there aren’t any West Point graduates of Mexican descent.
And in summation, Donald Trump could throw in some practical okay words, like if you get into a jam, blame it on somebody else, anybody else, the man in the moon. He presently blames everything on either Barack Obama or Hillary.
Hopefully, someone in the audience will start chanting, “Lock him up. Lock him up. Lock him up.”
Afterward, if criticized or ridiculed for giving such a destructive commencement address, he’ll excuse it by saying he was being sardonic. Sarcastic didn’t excuse his disinfectant coronavirus cure.
If still criticized, he’ll insist that everybody loved his West Point commencement address. Many, many people from all over loved it.
“Only the fake news didn’t like it.”
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-04-28--Florida Officials Are Warning That Hurricane Season is Right Around The Corner

TALLAHASSEE – As if the COVID-19 flu mess is not bad enough , officials with the Florida Hurricane Federation ( FHF ) are stating that the hurricane season is fast approaching .
Experts with the FHF say that a damn hurricane is bad enough , but now toss one on top of this C-19 pandemic , and the “ Plywood State ” could really face a catastrophic situation .
A life-long resident of Pensacola , noted that Floridians are a tough lot , who have weathered lots of hurricanes , alligator infestations , swarms of millions of mosquitoes , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ New York City .
One well-respected meteorologist , Rhett “ Heat Wave ” Sinatra , said that hurricanes are getting bigger and stronger , and he fears that a powerful category 5 hurricane could cause some of Florida to end up in Georgia .
Meanwhile , veteran hurricane expert , Elmer Gallawinkle , who has been correctly predicating Florida hurricanes for the past 37 years , says that he has already warned President Trump that either Hurricane Cinderella or Hurricane Socorro , will most probably make landfall smack dab on top of Mar-a-Lago @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and said , “ It ’ s a hoax , you sound colluded to me , and furthermore , it is all a witch hunt.
” He then added , “ And besides , before Mar-a-Lago was built , I stipulated to the architects , that I wanted my Florida mansion to be able to withstand , not only a 245 mph hurricane , but a direct hit from an ICBM ( Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile ) as well .

TALLAHASSEE – As if the COVID-19 flu mess is not bad enough, officials with the Florida Hurricane Federation (FHF) are stating that the hurricane season is fast approaching.
Experts with the FHF say that a damn hurricane is bad enough, but now toss one on top of this C-19 pandemic, and the “Plywood State” could really face a catastrophic situation.
A life-long resident of Pensacola, noted that Floridians are a tough lot, who have weathered lots of hurricanes, alligator infestations, swarms of millions of mosquitoes, and even thousands of grouchy old folks from New York City.
One well-respected meteorologist, Rhett “Heat Wave” Sinatra, said that hurricanes are getting bigger and stronger, and he fears that a powerful category 5 hurricane could cause some of Florida to end up in Georgia.
Meanwhile, veteran hurricane expert, Elmer Gallawinkle, who has been correctly predicating Florida hurricanes for the past 37 years, says that he has already warned President Trump that either Hurricane Cinderella or Hurricane Socorro, will most probably make landfall smack dab on top of Mar-a-Lago.
President Trump reportedly texted him back and said, “It’s a hoax, you sound colluded to me, and furthermore, it is all a witch hunt.”
He then added, “And besides, before Mar-a-Lago was built, I stipulated to the architects, that I wanted my Florida mansion to be able to withstand, not only a 245 mph hurricane, but a direct hit from an ICBM (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile) as well.


thespoof--2020-04-30--With Help of Preventive Measures, Health-Conscious Nashvillians Support Essential Small Businesses b

With Help of Preventive Measures, Health-Conscious Nashvillians Support Essential Small Businesses by Buying Cigarettes Locally

Concerned about his 0.1- to one-percent risk of dying from COVID-19 but wishing to support local essential small businesses in economically challenging times , 33-year-old Brian Lewis of Nashville , Tennessee , continues to buy his cigarettes in person from his neighborhood market , but wears a face mask from the time that he leaves his house to drive the half-mile to the bodega to the time that he pulls back into his driveway safely at home .
`` I 'm not in the high-risk age group for coronavirus , but as a smoker , I need to take some @ @ @ @ @ @ @ whose doctor - over the phone - had emphasized to him the importance of tending to his health during the COVID-19 crisis .
“ I ’ m also very cognizant of social distancing .
The standard recommendation is six feet , but I do my best to shoot for seven or eight .
As space allows , of course.
” Lewis explained that at the dawn of the coronavirus pandemic , he did consider shifting his tobacco purchasing to online .
“ But I hated the thought of my government stimulus payment going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he said .
`` And I didn ’ t want the corner store to suffer .
They ’ re hurting for business as it is.
” In addition to continuing to purchase tobacco products in person at his local market , Lewis also regularly patronizes local mom-and-pop shops like Carl ’ s Jr. , Domino 's , Chik-fil-A , and Wendy ’ s .
“ I always use the drive-through when I leave the house to buy food , ” he said .
“ It ’ s a small thing , but those @ @ @ @ @ @ @ comes to flattening the curve .
Fortunately , drive-throughs were something I ’ d gotten in the habit of doing even prior to all of this , so for me , it wasn ’ t that big a change.
” Lewis has avowed to continue supporting local convenience stores , liquor stores , and fast food restaurants for the duration of the horrific pandemic , even if it takes a small toll on his budget .
“ It ’ s true that you can sometimes get better deals online – but at what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ During this unprecedented time , it ’ s more important than ever that we support small businesses .
At the end of the day , we ’ re all in this together .
”

Concerned about his 0.1- to one-percent risk of dying from COVID-19 but wishing to support local essential small businesses in economically challenging times, 33-year-old Brian Lewis of Nashville, Tennessee, continues to buy his cigarettes in person from his neighborhood market, but wears a face mask from the time that he leaves his house to drive the half-mile to the bodega to the time that he pulls back into his driveway safely at home.
"I'm not in the high-risk age group for coronavirus, but as a smoker, I need to take some extra precautions," said Lewis, whose doctor - over the phone - had emphasized to him the importance of tending to his health during the COVID-19 crisis. “I’m also very cognizant of social distancing. The standard recommendation is six feet, but I do my best to shoot for seven or eight. As space allows, of course.”
Lewis explained that at the dawn of the coronavirus pandemic, he did consider shifting his tobacco purchasing to online. “But I hated the thought of my government stimulus payment going to some huge faceless corporation," he said. "And I didn’t want the corner store to suffer. They’re hurting for business as it is.”
In addition to continuing to purchase tobacco products in person at his local market, Lewis also regularly patronizes local mom-and-pop shops like Carl’s Jr., Domino's, Chik-fil-A, and Wendy’s. “I always use the drive-through when I leave the house to buy food,” he said. “It’s a small thing, but those small things really add up when it comes to flattening the curve. Fortunately, drive-throughs were something I’d gotten in the habit of doing even prior to all of this, so for me, it wasn’t that big a change.”
Lewis has avowed to continue supporting local convenience stores, liquor stores, and fast food restaurants for the duration of the horrific pandemic, even if it takes a small toll on his budget. “It’s true that you can sometimes get better deals online – but at what cost?" he said. "During this unprecedented time, it’s more important than ever that we support small businesses. At the end of the day, we’re all in this together.”


thespoof--2020-04-30--Trump: Paint Virus Victim’s Toes And Gums Purple And Give Them A Laxative

BILLINGSGATE POST : After being blistered by the press for recommending that Covid-19 patients could be cured by rinsing out their system with Clorox and having a infra-red light bulb dropped down their esophagus , CNN ’ s Jim Acosta asked President Trump if he had another promising cure to recommend .
“ Another ‘ gotcha question , ’ Jimbo ?
You ’ re a disgrace .
I always knew you weren ’ t going any where.
” “ But to answer your question : I have tremendous respect for my staff of doctors .
But I know , instinctively @ @ @ @ @ @ @ - that they don ’ t know what I know.
” “ I just got off the phone with Doc Daneeka .
He was the squadron physician in the novel Catch-22 by Joseph Heller .
To identify hypochondriacs , who were trying to get out of flying missions , he told his staff to paint their gums and toes with gentian violet and give them a laxative to throw away in the bushes .
Doc said that he also found that this remedy worked for almost anything , including malaria , dengue fever @ @ @ @ @ @ @ then took off his shoes and socks and opened his mouth , exposing his purple toes and gums .
“ As you can see , I am trying this remedy myself .
So far , my tests have been negative.
” Slim : “ First time a President has ever taken his shoes and socks off in a briefing.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
Hope he never has a prostate exam .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: After being blistered by the press for recommending that Covid-19 patients could be cured by rinsing out their system with Clorox and having a infra-red light bulb dropped down their esophagus, CNN’s Jim Acosta asked President Trump if he had another promising cure to recommend.
“Another ‘gotcha question,’ Jimbo? You’re a disgrace. I always knew you weren’t going any where.”
“But to answer your question: I have tremendous respect for my staff of doctors. But I know, instinctively - as he pointed to his head - that they don’t know what I know.”
“I just got off the phone with Doc Daneeka. He was the squadron physician in the novel Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. To identify hypochondriacs, who were trying to get out of flying missions, he told his staff to paint their gums and toes with gentian violet and give them a laxative to throw away in the bushes. Doc said that he also found that this remedy worked for almost anything, including malaria, dengue fever and fear of flying.”
The President then took off his shoes and socks and opened his mouth, exposing his purple toes and gums.
“As you can see, I am trying this remedy myself. So far, my tests have been negative.”
Slim: “First time a President has ever taken his shoes and socks off in a briefing.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Hope he never has a prostate exam.”


thespoof--2020-04-30--Local Man Feels Vindicated in the Way He Wears His Mask

( Weston , West Virginia ) Flip “ Chibs ” Teller , local resident here and part-time member of the Wild Yard Sons of Junk Hog Dogs motorcycle gang , had nothing but praise for Vice President Pence when he confirmed that Chibs was , indeed , wearing his mask properly .
The revelation came when reports surfaced that Pence , while visiting the Mayo Clinic , refused to wear a mask ( even though Mayo Clinic rules require it ) saying he wanted to be able to `` look workers In the eye '' as he toured the facility @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the former Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum ( a psychiatric hospital that was once the largest employer in this small , mostly-white town along the West Fork River ) said that , ever since the COVID-19 outbreak , he has been made fun of by former residents of the Asylum , as well as the weekend warriors he rides with in the MC .
`` None of them sons of bitches wanted to wear a mask , '' Chibs said , as we started a short phone interview with him .
`` They all thought @ @ @ @ @ @ @ China virus .
Me , I took it seriously , even though I saw where my man , Trump , would not wear a mask . ''
Chibs continued : `` I grew up with masks .
The Lone Ranger wore a mask .
Batman and Robin , I always thought Robin was kind of cute , they both wore masks .
In fact , most of my Superheroes wear masks .
I learned how to wear a mask from them .
Even that movie a couple of years ago about a bird @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wore a mask when she went outside . ''
Chibs paused , caught his breath , and went on .
`` So , when this virus thing hit , and I heard on the AM radio that we should all start wearing masks , I did the right thing and started wearing mine to do my part . ''
We asked Chibs what it was like to wear a mask those first few days .
`` I could not ride my hog , hell , it was hard enough to walk around town @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cut a couple of holes to see out of . ''
He said .
`` Then , I found I could not breathe very well , so I cut a hole for my nose .
Pretty smart of me , eh ? ''
Chibs then told us of his weekend rides in the hills with the MC .
`` Oh , they laughed at me , called me names like 'diaper face ' and 'the masked distemper ' and 'Joe Tex Kotex ' , but surprisingly , they put me in the Back @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is the last rider in the group , and usually for the most experienced .
I felt honored , though I kept dropping off , they seemed to be riding much faster than normal that weekend . ''
`` I no longer ride with the club , however , '' Chibs said reflectively .
`` They kicked me out when we tried to rough up some people from Texas that came through town .
As soon as I approached them , they started laughing uncontrollably , which caused the rest of the MC @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be considered the local toughs after that , ” he said .
Chibs concluded the interview with another shout out to the Vice President .
`` I really appreciate what the Vice President did at that clinic .
He must always wear it properly like I do , and then had the courage to take it off so he could look people in the eyes when talking to the sickly .
I am going to have to find the strength to do so as well , maybe when that 'you vee ' light @ @ @ @ @ @ @ get a hold of some Lysol .
Plenty of used needles around here from the habits , though most are on the oxy now . ''
We commend Flip Teller for his proper wear and example set for masks to prevent the spread of the virus in spite of the ridicule .
We only hope that more Pence supporters will follow his lead and do the same !

(Weston, West Virginia) Flip “Chibs” Teller, local resident here and part-time member of the Wild Yard Sons of Junk Hog Dogs motorcycle gang, had nothing but praise for Vice President Pence when he confirmed that Chibs was, indeed, wearing his mask properly. The revelation came when reports surfaced that Pence, while visiting the Mayo Clinic, refused to wear a mask (even though Mayo Clinic rules require it) saying he wanted to be able to "look workers In the eye" as he toured the facility.
Chibs, a retired orderly from the former Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum (a psychiatric hospital that was once the largest employer in this small, mostly-white town along the West Fork River) said that, ever since the COVID-19 outbreak, he has been made fun of by former residents of the Asylum, as well as the weekend warriors he rides with in the MC.
"None of them sons of bitches wanted to wear a mask," Chibs said, as we started a short phone interview with him. "They all thought it was a liberal hoax, this China virus. Me, I took it seriously, even though I saw where my man, Trump, would not wear a mask."
Chibs continued: "I grew up with masks. The Lone Ranger wore a mask. Batman and Robin, I always thought Robin was kind of cute, they both wore masks. In fact, most of my Superheroes wear masks. I learned how to wear a mask from them. Even that movie a couple of years ago about a bird in a cage, that hot lady wore a mask when she went outside."
Chibs paused, caught his breath, and went on. "So, when this virus thing hit, and I heard on the AM radio that we should all start wearing masks, I did the right thing and started wearing mine to do my part."
We asked Chibs what it was like to wear a mask those first few days. "I could not ride my hog, hell, it was hard enough to walk around town, until I realized that I should cut a couple of holes to see out of." He said. "Then, I found I could not breathe very well, so I cut a hole for my nose. Pretty smart of me, eh?"
Chibs then told us of his weekend rides in the hills with the MC. "Oh, they laughed at me, called me names like 'diaper face' and 'the masked distemper' and 'Joe Tex Kotex', but surprisingly, they put me in the Back Door on the first ride. This is the last rider in the group, and usually for the most experienced. I felt honored, though I kept dropping off, they seemed to be riding much faster than normal that weekend."
"I no longer ride with the club, however," Chibs said reflectively. "They kicked me out when we tried to rough up some people from Texas that came through town. As soon as I approached them, they started laughing uncontrollably, which caused the rest of the MC to laugh. No way we could be considered the local toughs after that,” he said.
Chibs concluded the interview with another shout out to the Vice President. "I really appreciate what the Vice President did at that clinic. He must always wear it properly like I do, and then had the courage to take it off so he could look people in the eyes when talking to the sickly. I am going to have to find the strength to do so as well, maybe when that 'you vee' light thing cures this, or I can get a hold of some Lysol. Plenty of used needles around here from the habits, though most are on the oxy now."
We commend Flip Teller for his proper wear and example set for masks to prevent the spread of the virus in spite of the ridicule. We only hope that more Pence supporters will follow his lead and do the same!


thespoof--2020-04-30--The State of Georgia Has Become The Nation’s Coronavirus Guinea Pig

ATLANTA – The governor of Georgia has decided to toss the dice and put the health of every man , woman , and child in the “ Peach State ” in jeopardy .
Governor Brian Meinkemp , a staunch Republican , has said that the economy of Georgia is suffering , and he was elected to make sure that the entire country keeps buying Georgia ’ s main export , peaches .
The Miami Globe-Gazette newspaper is reporting that it appears that , with old man Brian , it is all about fruit .
And he certainly has all of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for ‘ fruit.
’ Bry-Bry , as his hairstylist , Mr. Boo-Boo calls him , told the state ’ s hair salons , beauty salons , and tattoo parlors , to get their asses back to work .
He says , that all Georgians need to get out and spread those friggin ’ Coronavirus germs all over the place , while remembering that it is all for the sake of those juicy little hand-grenade peaches .
The governor has said that the peaches are extremely vital to the well-being of the nation ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of “ Hotlanta ” said , “ Let ’ s not kid ourselves , Bubba , the American people love apples , oranges , bananas , and watermelons a hell of a lot more than they love our Georgia peaches.
” IN CLOSING – A total of 39 states have already banned Georgia peaches from coming into their state .

ATLANTA – The governor of Georgia has decided to toss the dice and put the health of every man, woman, and child in the “Peach State” in jeopardy.
Governor Brian Meinkemp, a staunch Republican, has said that the economy of Georgia is suffering, and he was elected to make sure that the entire country keeps buying Georgia’s main export, peaches.
The Miami Globe-Gazette newspaper is reporting that it appears that, with old man Brian, it is all about fruit. And he certainly has all of the earmarks for being the poster boy for ‘fruit.’
Bry-Bry, as his hairstylist, Mr. Boo-Boo calls him, told the state’s hair salons, beauty salons, and tattoo parlors, to get their asses back to work.
He says, that all Georgians need to get out and spread those friggin’ Coronavirus germs all over the place, while remembering that it is all for the sake of those juicy little hand-grenade peaches.
The governor has said that the peaches are extremely vital to the well-being of the nation’s bellies.
One hard-core GOP resident of “Hotlanta” said, “Let’s not kid ourselves, Bubba, the American people love apples, oranges, bananas, and watermelons a hell of a lot more than they love our Georgia peaches.”
IN CLOSING – A total of 39 states have already banned Georgia peaches from coming into their state.


thespoof--2020-04-30--Mitch McConnell Gives President Trump The Names of Three Prominent People Who He Says Where Born in

Mitch McConnell Gives President Trump The Names of Three Prominent People Who He Says Where Born in Kenya

FRESNO , California – Senate Majority Leader , Mitch McConnell , 78 , and his wife Elaine “ Cookie ” Chao , 67 , traveled to California to visit Elaine ’ s step-sister Ling Ling Moo-Moo .
While there , McConnell was asked by the left coast media , why he has 603 bills sitting idly on his senate desk .
He replied that it ’ s not really 603 .
When told that the number was actually 634 , `` Old Turtle Face '' became quite upset , and his jowls started quivering like a feral pig in heat @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and said that he is going to talk to the president , and tell him that he believes that Dr. Anthony Fauci , Gov .
Andrew Cuomo , and sex symbol , Jennifer Lopez , were all born in Kenya .
When told by reporters that that was a damn lie , and that it would only be a total waste of time , “ Moscow Mitch ” became very huffy , and said , “ Well , that ’ s the same thing they said about Benjamin Franklin , and old Bennie @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stove , and the $ 50 bill . ''
[ WRITER ’ S NOTE : Franklin is actually on a $ 100 bill .
Dr. Fauci was born in Brooklyn .
Gov .
Cuomo was born Queens .
And J.Lo was born in the Bronx . ]

FRESNO, California – Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, 78, and his wife Elaine “Cookie” Chao, 67, traveled to California to visit Elaine’s step-sister Ling Ling Moo-Moo.
While there, McConnell was asked by the left coast media, why he has 603 bills sitting idly on his senate desk.
He replied that it’s not really 603. When told that the number was actually 634, "Old Turtle Face" became quite upset, and his jowls started quivering like a feral pig in heat.
He quickly changed the subject, and said that he is going to talk to the president, and tell him that he believes that Dr. Anthony Fauci, Gov. Andrew Cuomo, and sex symbol, Jennifer Lopez, were all born in Kenya.
When told by reporters that that was a damn lie, and that it would only be a total waste of time, “Moscow Mitch” became very huffy, and said, “Well, that’s the same thing they said about Benjamin Franklin, and old Bennie boy ended up inventing electricity, a stove, and the $50 bill."
[WRITER’S NOTE: Franklin is actually on a $100 bill. Dr. Fauci was born in Brooklyn. Gov. Cuomo was born Queens. And J.Lo was born in the Bronx.]


thespoof--2020-05-01--Trump Announces Tremendous Hope For Coronavirus Cure

US President Donald Trump raised the hopes of US citizens yet again , yesterday , with what he called `` tremendous positive news '' about research into a cure for the deadly coronavirus .
`` We 've been looking at the moon '' , he told reporters at yesterday 's press briefing .
`` As far as we can tell , there 's no corona up there .
No cases .
They have zero cases .
I 'd like to know why that is .
Can we look at that ?
You 're going to look into that ?
What @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Nobody else is talking to the moon .
I think that could be interesting .
`` And '' , he went on to say , `` I was watching TV last night .
A film about India , where they were washing the elephants .
Always washing the elephants .
They hit the elephants with a tremendous amount of water .
And they have no corona - the elephants .
No corona .
`` Can you , can we look at that ?
What do elephants have that we do n't ?
They @ @ @ @ @ @ @ long nose , for washing , which they blow water out of , and never sniff into , and they have this very , very tough skin .
It 's hyperdermic , they 're hyperderms , like the rhinosaurs of the desert .
So - hyperdermic , like the needles .
That 's something , right ?
That 's got ta be worth looking at .
`` Maybe , maybe not .
I 'm not a doctor , I 'm not a doctor , I just have a head for this stuff .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ or a King , a President , who knows , maybe I could be a doctor or a scientist ?
`` We 're doing a tremendous job , with the moon and with elephants , the hyperderms , the rhinosaurs of the deserts .
And the camel .
They call it the shop of the desert , it never closes .
Zero cases in the camels , and no lockdown .
They never close 24/7 .
Can we look into what they keep in those humps ?
Some have one , some have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ numbers , they 're genius , they never close , the domedrians and the bacterial camels .
`` Could we grow our own bacterial humps , like the dishes in the lab , the putrefying dishes you have in the lab ?
What if we could get that inside the body , the putrefy , the petrify , whether through the nose , the ears , or some other way , through the skin , like those hyperderms , like a kind of a disinfecting hump ?
It 's not just numbers , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ way , they 're genius , even the domedrians with one hump have zero cases .
`` We 're doing a tremendous job .
I shut down China .
I shut down China .
I shut down China .
I shut down China .
I shut down China .
They said I could n't do it .
I shut down China .
I did it .
Me .
I did that .
It was my idea .
Nobody else did that .
`` They said I could n't do it .
I shut @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it was a pandamic before it was a pandamic .
Those pandas , with the bamboo shoots .
They shoot those bamboo darts .
Can you , could we get some of those darts ?
I 'm not a doctor .
But darts through the skin , can you , can we look at that ?
`` What ?
There are reservations , without any testing ?
Can we test the reservations ?
Have we looked at our Indian numbers ?
The Apache cases ?
Maybe they 're smokin ' it out in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the big smokin ' pipes .
Tremendous pipes in those toupes .
Can we look at that ?
Those tall toupes with the hole at the top so the smoke gathers and disappears , like magic , in April , with the heat .
`` I 'm not a doctor , but my Great Uncle Hymie Liebowitz Trump , he was a super genius with plumbing .
Anything with plumbing .
Tremendous with faucets and pipes .
Maybe I got my science brain from that side of the family .
They say 'how @ @ @ @ @ @ @ things ? '
and 'what are you talking about ? '
.
And when I said : 'can we search for the pygmies of Austria , with their houses on stilts , can we do a terrific job with stilts , can we look at stilts ? '
they just stared at me .
`` It 's difficult .
Not everybody can see these things .
It takes a genius to see genius ideas and that kind of tremendous huge genius stuff .
I sometimes think I 'm like one of those idiot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the tremendous numbers .
Maybe that 's why I did so well in the casino business .
I do n't know , maybe I did , maybe I did n't , I 'm not a doctor . ''
When a reporter said that perhaps there were zero cases of coronavirus on the moon because there were zero people on the moon , and asked the President what he would say about that , Mr Trump replied : `` I 'd say that you 're a terrible reporter and that is a very @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
That 's fake news .
You 're fake .
Next question . ''

US President Donald Trump raised the hopes of US citizens yet again, yesterday, with what he called "tremendous positive news" about research into a cure for the deadly coronavirus.
"We've been looking at the moon", he told reporters at yesterday's press briefing. "As far as we can tell, there's no corona up there. No cases. They have zero cases. I'd like to know why that is. Can we look at that? You're going to look into that? What can we learn from the moon? Nobody else is talking to the moon. I think that could be interesting.
"And", he went on to say, "I was watching TV last night. A film about India, where they were washing the elephants. Always washing the elephants. They hit the elephants with a tremendous amount of water. And they have no corona - the elephants. No corona.
"Can you, can we look at that? What do elephants have that we don't? They have a trunk, like a very long nose, for washing, which they blow water out of, and never sniff into, and they have this very, very tough skin. It's hyperdermic, they're hyperderms, like the rhinosaurs of the desert. So - hyperdermic, like the needles. That's something, right? That's gotta be worth looking at.
"Maybe, maybe not. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a doctor, I just have a head for this stuff. If I wasn't a billionaire, or a King, a President, who knows, maybe I could be a doctor or a scientist?
"We're doing a tremendous job, with the moon and with elephants, the hyperderms, the rhinosaurs of the deserts. And the camel. They call it the shop of the desert, it never closes. Zero cases in the camels, and no lockdown. They never close 24/7. Can we look into what they keep in those humps? Some have one, some have two, but they're more than numbers, they're genius, they never close, the domedrians and the bacterial camels.
"Could we grow our own bacterial humps, like the dishes in the lab, the putrefying dishes you have in the lab? What if we could get that inside the body, the putrefy, the petrify, whether through the nose, the ears, or some other way, through the skin, like those hyperderms, like a kind of a disinfecting hump? It's not just numbers, which are still tremendous numbers by the way, they're genius, even the domedrians with one hump have zero cases.
"We're doing a tremendous job. I shut down China. I shut down China. I shut down China. I shut down China. I shut down China. They said I couldn't do it. I shut down China. I did it. Me. I did that. It was my idea. Nobody else did that.
"They said I couldn't do it. I shut down the Chinese pandas. I knew it was a pandamic before it was a pandamic. Those pandas, with the bamboo shoots. They shoot those bamboo darts. Can you, could we get some of those darts? I'm not a doctor. But darts through the skin, can you, can we look at that?
"What? There are reservations, without any testing? Can we test the reservations? Have we looked at our Indian numbers? The Apache cases? Maybe they're smokin' it out in their toupes that they sit in with the big smokin' pipes. Tremendous pipes in those toupes. Can we look at that? Those tall toupes with the hole at the top so the smoke gathers and disappears, like magic, in April, with the heat.
"I'm not a doctor, but my Great Uncle Hymie Liebowitz Trump, he was a super genius with plumbing. Anything with plumbing. Tremendous with faucets and pipes. Maybe I got my science brain from that side of the family. They say 'how do you know so much about these things?' and 'what are you talking about?'. And when I said: 'can we search for the pygmies of Austria, with their houses on stilts, can we do a terrific job with stilts, can we look at stilts?' they just stared at me.
"It's difficult. Not everybody can see these things. It takes a genius to see genius ideas and that kind of tremendous huge genius stuff. I sometimes think I'm like one of those idiot servants like the little guy Dusty Hoffman with the tremendous numbers. Maybe that's why I did so well in the casino business. I don't know, maybe I did, maybe I didn't, I'm not a doctor."
When a reporter said that perhaps there were zero cases of coronavirus on the moon because there were zero people on the moon, and asked the President what he would say about that, Mr Trump replied: "I'd say that you're a terrible reporter and that is a very nasty snarky question. You're CNN. That's fake news. You're fake. Next question."


thespoof--2020-05-01--CDC Reports Social Distancing Is Working! People Feeling More Distant than Ever

Weeks into the COVID-19 lockdown , the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encouragingly reported that social distancing is working - as evidenced by the fact that people are feeling more distant than ever .
“ I ’ ve felt disconnected from friends and family before , but I 've definitely never been this fully estranged , ” said 59-year-old Cheryl Wallace of New York City .
`` In fact , after this , I don 's see us ever having the opportunity to spread the coronavirus to each other again . ''
In Boston , too , physical distancing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ court-ordered to undergo psychological counseling for narcissism and borderline personality disorder following a domestic violence incident , 37-year-old Lucas Shore says that the lockdown and social distancing regulations have helped ensure that he and his wife , Belinda , remain safely secluded from subversive viral influences like all of Belinda ’ s friends .
“ Thanks to this lockdown , our relationship is finally getting back to where it needs to be , '' said Shore .
With a wry chuckle , he added , `` For once , the government got something @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Rhode Island ’ s restrictions on travel into and out of the state , 94-year-old Anna Lipscomb , who lives in a Newport nursing home , will remained safely quarantined from all of her children , grandchildren , great-grandchildren , and other potential coronavirus transmitters for the foreseeable future , and possibly for the rest of her life .
“ Honestly , it 's probably good that the government intervened , ” said Lipscomb ’ s daughter , 71-year-old Marsha Morris , “ because if it were up to me or my mom @ @ @ @ @ @ @ family , we ’ d be visiting with her all the time – which would put me at risk , too.
” She smiled and shook her head .
“ It ’ s hard , but thank goodness we have the government taking better care of us than we ever could of ourselves . ''

Weeks into the COVID-19 lockdown, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encouragingly reported that social distancing is working - as evidenced by the fact that people are feeling more distant than ever.
“I’ve felt disconnected from friends and family before, but I've definitely never been this fully estranged,” said 59-year-old Cheryl Wallace of New York City. "In fact, after this, I don's see us ever having the opportunity to spread the coronavirus to each other again."
In Boston, too, physical distancing measures are paying off. After being court-ordered to undergo psychological counseling for narcissism and borderline personality disorder following a domestic violence incident, 37-year-old Lucas Shore says that the lockdown and social distancing regulations have helped ensure that he and his wife, Belinda, remain safely secluded from subversive viral influences like all of Belinda’s friends. “Thanks to this lockdown, our relationship is finally getting back to where it needs to be," said Shore. With a wry chuckle, he added, "For once, the government got something right.”
And as a result of Rhode Island’s restrictions on travel into and out of the state, 94-year-old Anna Lipscomb, who lives in a Newport nursing home, will remained safely quarantined from all of her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and other potential coronavirus transmitters for the foreseeable future, and possibly for the rest of her life. “Honestly, it's probably good that the government intervened,” said Lipscomb’s daughter, 71-year-old Marsha Morris, “because if it were up to me or my mom or any of the rest of our family, we’d be visiting with her all the time – which would put me at risk, too.” She smiled and shook her head. “It’s hard, but thank goodness we have the government taking better care of us than we ever could of ourselves."


thespoof--2020-05-01--The FBI is Investigating President Trump and Vice-President Pence for Not Wearing Medical Masks

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The Chicago Daily Wind newspaper is reporting that the Federal Bureau of Investigation , has issued a statement reminding Trump and Pence ( the modern day Laurel & Hardy ) that they are not above the law .
The Daily Wind noted that Pence visited the Mayo Clinic and refused to wear the protective mask .
Pence allegedly said that he is allergic to medical masks , ketchup , animal crackers , and sexy women .
“ Old Man Vanilla ” then added that his BFF , Trump , told him that he has prohibited him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ makes him look like a geriatric bank robber .
President Trump , when asked why Pence did not wear the mask , thus subjecting hundreds of patients , doctors , nurses , and janitors to the Coronavirus , replied : “ Because the dud , I mean , the dude , does whatever the hell I say , and if I say that he doesn ’ t have to wear a mask , then that ’ s it , next gotcha question.
” The FBI has stated that they will conduct a very @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s blatant refusal to wear protective masks , and they vow to leave no bone spurs unturned .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chicago Daily Wind newspaper is reporting that the Federal Bureau of Investigation, has issued a statement reminding Trump and Pence (the modern day Laurel & Hardy) that they are not above the law.
The Daily Wind noted that Pence visited the Mayo Clinic and refused to wear the protective mask.
Pence allegedly said that he is allergic to medical masks, ketchup, animal crackers, and sexy women.
“Old Man Vanilla” then added that his BFF, Trump, told him that he has prohibited him from wearing the mask, because it makes him look like a geriatric bank robber.
President Trump, when asked why Pence did not wear the mask, thus subjecting hundreds of patients, doctors, nurses, and janitors to the Coronavirus, replied: “Because the dud, I mean, the dude, does whatever the hell I say, and if I say that he doesn’t have to wear a mask, then that’s it, next gotcha question.”
The FBI has stated that they will conduct a very thorough investigation on Trump and Pence’s blatant refusal to wear protective masks, and they vow to leave no bone spurs unturned.


thespoof--2020-05-01--President Trump Tells Middle Son Eric to Stop Lying so Much

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A White House insider has told the news media that President Trump is very upset with his second son , Eric .
Erico , as he is called by his step-mom , Melania , recently told a sports magazine that he had gone to Africa and shot 16 giraffes , 12 ostriches , and 9 flamingos .
The President was told by Eric ’ s personal Secret Service agent that Eric was lying , and added that the only thing he shot at and hit with his AK-47 semi-automatic rifle was an old native man ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the President that he paid the old man $ 600 , and the old fella developed amnesia .
POTUS called Eric into his office , and a White House maid said that the President sat him down , and told him to stop lying so much .
Eric replied that he ca n't help it , and added that it ’ s just something that 's in his blood .
The maid stated that , at that point , Mr. President started cussing at Eric , using every single cuss word in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that she even heard some curse words that the Nazis used during World War II .
Melania stated that Erico is starting to lie almost as much as his daddy .
She said that , one day last week , he told his brother Donald Jr. that he had gotten a phone call from his dream girl , Sofia Vergara .
He smiled , and said that the gorgeously-sexy Sofia told him that she wanted his ‘ stuff ’ .
The First Lady noted that just a few days ago , he told @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the White House doctor had found some bone spurs on his outer scrotum .
The President reportedly told Eric ’ s personal Secret Service agent to feel free to smack Eric right on the mouth , whenever he catches him lying .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has told the news media that President Trump is very upset with his second son, Eric.
Erico, as he is called by his step-mom, Melania, recently told a sports magazine that he had gone to Africa and shot 16 giraffes, 12 ostriches, and 9 flamingos.
The President was told by Eric’s personal Secret Service agent that Eric was lying, and added that the only thing he shot at and hit with his AK-47 semi-automatic rifle was an old native man’s retirement hut.
The agent informed the President that he paid the old man $600, and the old fella developed amnesia.
POTUS called Eric into his office, and a White House maid said that the President sat him down, and told him to stop lying so much.
Eric replied that he can't help it, and added that it’s just something that's in his blood. The maid stated that, at that point, Mr. President started cussing at Eric, using every single cuss word in the book.
She blushed, and added that she even heard some curse words that the Nazis used during World War II.
Melania stated that Erico is starting to lie almost as much as his daddy.
She said that, one day last week, he told his brother Donald Jr. that he had gotten a phone call from his dream girl, Sofia Vergara.
He smiled, and said that the gorgeously-sexy Sofia told him that she wanted his ‘stuff’.
The First Lady noted that just a few days ago, he told his sister-in-law-to-be, Kimberly Guilfoyle, that the White House doctor had found some bone spurs on his outer scrotum.
The President reportedly told Eric’s personal Secret Service agent to feel free to smack Eric right on the mouth, whenever he catches him lying.


thespoof--2020-05-01--President Trump Pays a Visit to the Extremely Sexy Hope Hicks

ANNAPOLIS , Maryland – The president was in Annapolis visiting his favorite former White House staffer , Hope Hicks .
Hicks , who was Trump ’ s chief White House counselor , suddenly resigned her position on Tuesday , September 12 , 2017 , at 2:30 am under very mysterious circumstances .
Vodka Vermicelli , with the iRumors New Agency reported that an inside staffer had said that the President had offered Hope the position of being his personal presidential assistant , which included a $ 4,000-a-month raise .
The former Victoria ’ s Secret lingerie model reportedly said that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shoes of any man , no matter how much money , fame , or unbounded charm he had .
IRumors found out that the President became very angry with the stunningly beautiful 31-year-old , and yelled for her to return all of the birthday presents , Valentine 's Day gifts , Christmas presents , and the fully-loaded Lincoln Navigator that he had gifted her .
Miss Vermicelli learned that Hope returned all of the presents and gifts , except for the appaloosa horse , which she named “ Stormy ” .
A close @ @ @ @ @ @ @ confided in her that , before she resigned , she was getting an average of 23.4 texts a day from Donnie Johnny , as she called him in private .
Hicks finally had to get a restraining order on the President , which clearly prohibits him from getting within 37 miles of her .

ANNAPOLIS, Maryland – The president was in Annapolis visiting his favorite former White House staffer, Hope Hicks.
Hicks, who was Trump’s chief White House counselor, suddenly resigned her position on Tuesday, September 12, 2017, at 2:30 am under very mysterious circumstances.
Vodka Vermicelli, with the iRumors New Agency reported that an inside staffer had said that the President had offered Hope the position of being his personal presidential assistant, which included a $4,000-a-month raise.
The former Victoria’s Secret lingerie model reportedly said that she was not going to shine the shoes of any man, no matter how much money, fame, or unbounded charm he had.
IRumors found out that the President became very angry with the stunningly beautiful 31-year-old, and yelled for her to return all of the birthday presents, Valentine's Day gifts, Christmas presents, and the fully-loaded Lincoln Navigator that he had gifted her.
Miss Vermicelli learned that Hope returned all of the presents and gifts, except for the appaloosa horse, which she named “Stormy”.
A close friend of Miss Hicks said that Hope confided in her that, before she resigned, she was getting an average of 23.4 texts a day from Donnie Johnny, as she called him in private.
Hicks finally had to get a restraining order on the President, which clearly prohibits him from getting within 37 miles of her.


thespoof--2020-05-02--White House Blocks Dr. Anthony Fauci From Testifying Before House Panel

When did freedom of speech or the First Amendment in the Constitution of the United States of America become erased and taken away from an American citizen ?
This is a freedom given to the people of the United States of America in 1789 .
It 's old stuff , 1789 , but the right stuff , and makes this the USA .
It 's the people 's freedom of speech .
It is n't Trump ’ s freedom to take away and enforce when it 's convenient .
It is n't the White House who is blocking Dr. Anthony @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , it 's Donald Trump .
Trump who did not even win the presidential election , but sits as an imposter in the White House , silencing testimony against his fake presidency under the guise of National Security .
Over 65,000 Americans have died because of coronavirus , and the taxpayers who pay for Trump ’ s room and board , and his use of Air Force One , want to know why .
They are asking : Why did this failure of leadership happen ?
National Security ?
It ’ s more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the White House .
This is a nation of laws .
This is not a nation of Trump ’ s laws .
Laws and announcements that are instantly created to protect the dubious residency of Donald Trump in the White House .
Had his impeachment testimony not been blocked by Trump , again under the guise of National Security , Trump would have been impeached and out of the White House and quite possibly 65,000 people may not have had to perish .
Will Trump and his gang also announce that Dr. @ @ @ @ @ @ @ MSNBC , CBS , ABC , PBS , and BBC ?
That would not be a way for the United States to be rocking again .
George Bernard Shaw wrote it best : They are cowards to the very backbone of their souls .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

When did freedom of speech or the First Amendment in the Constitution of the United States of America become erased and taken away from an American citizen? This is a freedom given to the people of the United States of America in 1789.
It's old stuff, 1789, but the right stuff, and makes this the USA.
It's the people's freedom of speech. It isn't Trump’s freedom to take away and enforce when it's convenient.
It isn't the White House who is blocking Dr. Anthony Fauci from testifying before the House panel, it's Donald Trump. Trump who did not even win the presidential election, but sits as an imposter in the White House, silencing testimony against his fake presidency under the guise of National Security.
Over 65,000 Americans have died because of coronavirus, and the taxpayers who pay for Trump’s room and board, and his use of Air Force One, want to know why. They are asking: Why did this failure of leadership happen?
National Security? It’s more like Trump’s security to remain in the White House. This is a nation of laws. This is not a nation of Trump’s laws. Laws and announcements that are instantly created to protect the dubious residency of Donald Trump in the White House.
Had his impeachment testimony not been blocked by Trump, again under the guise of National Security, Trump would have been impeached and out of the White House and quite possibly 65,000 people may not have had to perish.
Will Trump and his gang also announce that Dr. Anthony Fauci can not be interviewed on MSNBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, and BBC?
That would not be a way for the United States to be rocking again.
George Bernard Shaw wrote it best: They are cowards to the very backbone of their souls.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-05-01--Wife Doesn't Know How Husband Is Going To Pay Off Her Credit Card Debt

Gissell Whitehead , age unknown , confided to reporters , late Friday , that she has no idea how her @ @ @ @ @ supposed to earn enough money to pay off her $ 25,000 credit card debt .
@ @ @ @ @ his bank statements , royalties , dividends and , to be honest , I have @ @ @ @ @ going to dig himself out of this one .
More than likely , he is @ @ @ @ @ and get a second , maybe even third job , '' said Gissell , as @ @ @ @ @ 12 latte from Starbucks .
`` What , with interest , missed payment charges , @ @ @ @ @ ca n't see him paying off my debt in his lifetime .
Then , of @ @ @ @ @ to pay for my hair appointments every week , nails , new shoes every other @ @ @ @ @ friends , and , of course , all the other useless shit I continually order @ @ @ @ @

Gissell Whitehead, age unknown, confided to reporters, late Friday, that she has no idea how her husband, Duncan, is supposed to earn enough money to pay off her $25,000 credit card debt.
"I have gone through his bank statements, royalties, dividends and, to be honest, I have no clue how he is going to dig himself out of this one. More than likely, he is going to have to go and get a second, maybe even third job," said Gissell, as she sipped on a $12 latte from Starbucks.
"What, with interest, missed payment charges, and everything, I just can't see him paying off my debt in his lifetime. Then, of course, he still has to pay for my hair appointments every week, nails, new shoes every other week, lunches with my friends, and, of course, all the other useless shit I continually order online every day."
Every day. Every fucking day.


thespoof--2020-05-01--Potential School Shooter Can't Wait For Quarantine To Be Over

12th Grader , Donny Balls , is counting down the days until he can return to high school and continue planning the mass shooting he has fantasized about for years .
`` This whole virus thing has really messed up my scheme to shoot as many of my school mates as possible before I turn the gun on myself .
I had meticulously chosen targets , weapons , and even the day I was going to do it .
It 's kind of back to the drawing board now .
I was hoping to get it done by summer , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fall , '' explained Donny .
`` Being homeschooled means I could shoot my brother , and maybe mom and dad , but it is just not the same , is it ?
No real fun in that , and it will , no doubt , be classed as a murder-suicide .
I guess I will just have to wait .
If I graduate before this virus bullshit ends , I suppose I still have the option to crazy at my workplace ; that is , if I get a job .
Oh @ @ @ @ @ @

12th Grader, Donny Balls, is counting down the days until he can return to high school and continue planning the mass shooting he has fantasized about for years.
"This whole virus thing has really messed up my scheme to shoot as many of my school mates as possible before I turn the gun on myself. I had meticulously chosen targets, weapons, and even the day I was going to do it. It's kind of back to the drawing board now. I was hoping to get it done by summer, but it may have to wait until fall," explained Donny.
"Being homeschooled means I could shoot my brother, and maybe mom and dad, but it is just not the same, is it? No real fun in that, and it will, no doubt, be classed as a murder-suicide. I guess I will just have to wait. If I graduate before this virus bullshit ends, I suppose I still have the option to crazy at my workplace; that is, if I get a job. Oh well, fingers crossed."