thespoof--2020-12-11--Dolly Parton Saves Baby From Dingo

Dolly Parton Saves Baby From Dingo

BRISBANE – As if helping to fund the Covid-19 vaccine , supporting victims of wildfires , and getting books to @ @ @ @ @ enough , now country star Dolly Parton has saved a baby from a dingo .
@ @ @ @ @ of Australia last week , her entourage came upon a woman screaming “ a dingo @ @ @ @ @ Ms. Parton leapt into action , and tracked the dingo down .
She then spent @ @ @ @ @ the dog-like creature about tales of her upbringing in Appalachia .
According to witness Herb @ @ @ @ @ started in about growing up with 11 brothers and sisters , and pulling together in @ @ @ @ @ really made that dingo think .
It stared at her for a moment , put @ @ @ @ @ away , with a tear in its eye .
”

BRISBANE – As if helping to fund the Covid-19 vaccine, supporting victims of wildfires, and getting books to underprivileged children wasn’t enough, now country star Dolly Parton has saved a baby from a dingo.
While touring the Northern Territory of Australia last week, her entourage came upon a woman screaming “a dingo has my baby!” Ms. Parton leapt into action, and tracked the dingo down. She then spent the next 15 minutes regaling the dog-like creature about tales of her upbringing in Appalachia.
According to witness Herb Indenture, “When she started in about growing up with 11 brothers and sisters, and pulling together in the hard times, it really made that dingo think. It stared at her for a moment, put the baby down and trotted away, with a tear in its eye.”
Parton then celebrated by donating bone marrow.


thespoof--2020-12-11--Snopes Verifies Biden’s Tryst With Three Chinese Hookers On Forklift

BILLINGSGATE POST : Snopes , the same group that verified that two Russian hookers peed on Donald Trump ’ s hotel bed , have now confirmed that the improbable story about Joe Biden having sex with three Chinese hookers while he was driving a forklift down a crowded freeway in Shanghai , is true .
Who can question the most trusted definitive reference source for researching urban legends , folklore , myths , rumors , and misinformation ?
The Shanghai Times , which is owned by the New York Times , and is considered the most reliable source of slanted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yesterday on its front page : “ A slightly inebriated Vice President of the United States , while visiting Shanghai with his crooked son , Hunter , commandeered a forklift loaded with three hookers and a Banshee ragpicker .
After mounting the fork lift , he proceeded to drive onto the streets of Shanghai while having sex with the three ladies of the night .
The local police , responding to the screams of the Banshee ragpicker , who feared for his life , apprehended Biden , who claimed he had diplomatic immunity @ @ @ @ @ @ @ After a phone call from President Obama to China President , Xi Jinping , Vice President Biden was released on his own recognizance.
” The story , which was disdainfully sniffed at by CNN ’ s stable of talking idiots , was first translated by BILLINGSGATE POST crack reporter , Detrick “ Dirty Trick ” Detwiler .
To whet his language skills , Dirty , who can speak in tongues , does Mandarin Chinese crossword puzzles each morning while sitting on his commode , taking a dump .
Slim : “ If this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I will eat your shorts.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
I suggest that you use a copious amount of ketchup .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Snopes, the same group that verified that two Russian hookers peed on Donald Trump’s hotel bed, have now confirmed that the improbable story about Joe Biden having sex with three Chinese hookers while he was driving a forklift down a crowded freeway in Shanghai, is true.
Who can question the most trusted definitive reference source for researching urban legends, folklore, myths, rumors, and misinformation?
The Shanghai Times, which is owned by the New York Times, and is considered the most reliable source of slanted news in China, published this story yesterday on its front page:
“A slightly inebriated Vice President of the United States, while visiting Shanghai with his crooked son, Hunter, commandeered a forklift loaded with three hookers and a Banshee ragpicker. After mounting the fork lift, he proceeded to drive onto the streets of Shanghai while having sex with the three ladies of the night. The local police, responding to the screams of the Banshee ragpicker, who feared for his life, apprehended Biden, who claimed he had diplomatic immunity and ‘was untouchable.’”
“After a phone call from President Obama to China President, Xi Jinping, Vice President Biden was released on his own recognizance.”
The story, which was disdainfully sniffed at by CNN’s stable of talking idiots, was first translated by BILLINGSGATE POST crack reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler. To whet his language skills, Dirty, who can speak in tongues, does Mandarin Chinese crossword puzzles each morning while sitting on his commode, taking a dump.
Slim: “If this doesn’t win you a Pulitzer, I will eat your shorts.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I suggest that you use a copious amount of ketchup.”


thespoof--2020-12-11--President Trump and the rose garden controversy

Mysterious things can happen anywhere .
Take this story for example .
United States president Donald J Trump was spotted @ @ @ @ @ rose garden , but a few minutes later he was gone , and the only @ @ @ @ @ the Incredible Hulk .
Speculation has begun that President Trump just might be the famous @ @ @ @ @ unusual moments .
Pundits suggest that Trump , consumed by recent events , has been @ @ @ @ @ his moods , and the effect that had was to cause the President to channel @ @ @ @ @ The outgoing president is under pressure to explain this anomaly , but no one expects @ @ @ @ @ will enlighten us any further on the issue .

Mysterious things can happen anywhere. Take this story for example. United States president Donald J Trump was spotted walking round the White House rose garden, but a few minutes later he was gone, and the only person sighted was someone resembling the Incredible Hulk.
Speculation has begun that President Trump just might be the famous green dude in his more unusual moments. Pundits suggest that Trump, consumed by recent events, has been undergoing a seismic shift in his moods, and the effect that had was to cause the President to channel the barrel-chested comic legend.
The outgoing president is under pressure to explain this anomaly, but no one expects that "The Donald" will enlighten us any further on the issue.


thespoof--2020-12-12--Man Is Looking Forward To January 20

Man Is Looking Forward To January 20

This year , 2020 , has n't been especially good for many people , particularly those who succumbed to the Coronavirus , COVID-19 , and it 's fair to say that most people will be glad to see the back of it , and to usher in a - hopefully - better new year on 1 January .
Count amongst that number Moys Kenwood , 57 , amateur social commentator at satirical news website TheSpoof.com , who has claimed he is chewing his fingernails off with excitement , as he enthuses over what the post-Trump political landscape might look like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump 's inauguration in 2017 , says Kenwood : '' Normal service has been suspended .
A new kind of politics has come to the fore : Loonytics - a kind of weird , skewed politics hinted at by Monty Python 's Flying Circus , or by the Marx Brothers , conducted with the 'careful planning ' and technical know-how of Stan Laurel , and led from the front by a man with an appearance that makes us reassess our opinions of Charlie Chaplin as a tramp - Donald Trump . ''
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the reins in January , regardless of his performance as US leader , a sense of dignity and decorum , at least , might return to the political spectrum .
`` Gone will be the wacky statements of his predecessor , the seemingly endless late-night tweets , the bare-faced lies , the odd claims , the terrible , awful advice - `` drink bleach '' - the time spent on the golf course in a supreme dereliction of duty , the tearing-up of international alliances , the new 'personal friendships ' with undesirables @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and , finally , the child-like petulance Trump displayed when laying waste to , and singlehandedly dismantling , the reputation of US politics , after the American public finally decided to use his own favorite phrase against him - `` You 're fired ! ''
- and to consign the straw-brained orange crackpot to the trash can of history by electing Mr .
Biden . ''
Mr. Trump , about whom it 's long been impossible to find anything to satirize , will go down in history as the worst US president @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that title for some considerable stretch of time .

This year, 2020, hasn't been especially good for many people, particularly those who succumbed to the Coronavirus, COVID-19, and it's fair to say that most people will be glad to see the back of it, and to usher in a - hopefully - better new year on 1 January.
Count amongst that number Moys Kenwood, 57, amateur social commentator at satirical news website TheSpoof.com, who has claimed he is chewing his fingernails off with excitement, as he enthuses over what the post-Trump political landscape might look like.
For almost four years since President Donald Trump's inauguration in 2017, says Kenwood:
"Normal service has been suspended. A new kind of politics has come to the fore: Loonytics - a kind of weird, skewed politics hinted at by Monty Python's Flying Circus, or by the Marx Brothers, conducted with the 'careful planning' and technical know-how of Stan Laurel, and led from the front by a man with an appearance that makes us reassess our opinions of Charlie Chaplin as a tramp - Donald Trump."
But, when President-elect Joe Biden takes the reins in January, regardless of his performance as US leader, a sense of dignity and decorum, at least, might return to the political spectrum.
Said Kenwood:
"Gone will be the wacky statements of his predecessor, the seemingly endless late-night tweets, the bare-faced lies, the odd claims, the terrible, awful advice - "drink bleach" - the time spent on the golf course in a supreme dereliction of duty, the tearing-up of international alliances, the new 'personal friendships' with undesirables such as Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un, and, finally, the child-like petulance Trump displayed when laying waste to, and singlehandedly dismantling, the reputation of US politics, after the American public finally decided to use his own favorite phrase against him - "You're fired!" - and to consign the straw-brained orange crackpot to the trash can of history by electing Mr. Biden."
Mr. Trump, about whom it's long been impossible to find anything to satirize, will go down in history as the worst US president ever, and is expected to hold that title for some considerable stretch of time.
Quite possibly, for eternity.


thespoof--2020-12-12--Dukes Of Hazzard Lost 'Lynching' Episode Discovered

Little Rock , Arkansas - A sub shop in Little Rock , traded three meat-lovers subs , for what turned out to be the only known copy of a lost pilot episode of '80s TV smash hit , The Dukes Of Hazzard .
The episode , which die-hard Dukes fans refer to as 'the legendary lynching episode ' , was supposed to be the show 's series premiere , before the big-wigs up in N.Y.C .
got a look at the finished product .
`` We wanted an authentic look of the south , '' admitted Ari Wickmeyer , on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Center .
He was the executive producer on the show in the 1980s .
We caught up with him playing Chinese checkers .
`` We said , 'Hire some writers , directors and crew from the south , and let them get to it .
Call us when you 're done .
Bye . '
And I hung up , '' explained Wickmeyer .
`` Three weeks later , what we got was Uncle Jesse holding a black man at gun point to open the very first episode , '' tells a forlorn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like , I do not like where this is going ... '' Sure enough , once Rosco and Boss Hogg arrive on the scene to investigate what Uncle Jesse says was a 'peeping-tom ' in Daisy 's window , the gang string the man up to the back of Cooter 's tow truck and half-drag him , dangling back to the town jail .
In the episode , the man survives the 5-mile journey over bumpy dirt roads .
Barely conscious but able to speak , he agrees to plead guilty if they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sweep the entire town with a fireplace broom and shovel .
And clean Boss Hogg 's Cadillac with a toothbrush .
`` But we says , 'Hey , this ai n't gon na fly , ' '' explains WIckmeyer .
`` There ai n't nearly enough car jumpin ' in this episode .
So I says , 'fellas , hows about you put the African American gentleman in Bo and Luke 's trunk , and take him for a little ride !
`` And boy did they ever !
They totaled four or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Cost a damn fortune ! ''
`` Eventually , a bunch of associations put the kibosh on the whole thing .
I understand , I guess .
Whaddya gon na do ?
Diff'rent era .
Damn shame , though , that one would have won an Emmy , '' adds a wistful Wickmeyer .
'You can barely tell that the black guy is really Cooter in black face , either .
Can ya ?
Great make up artist , the best , went on to do CATS . '
`` Times change @ @ @ @ @ @ @ guy , I guess , right ? ''
said Wickmeyer , as we started to hang up on him .
`` Damn , I lost again !
Marty , you always beat me !
I ai n't payin ' !
I was on a damn phone call ! ''
Bidding for the lost episode 's 47-minute BETA tape will be done online at Christy 's ( Not the auction house , but the sub shop in downtown Little Rock ) , with the footage expected to fetch well over $ 800 ( more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who also owns the General Lee , and loves watching movies on BETA tape . )

Little Rock, Arkansas - A sub shop in Little Rock, traded three meat-lovers subs, for what turned out to be the only known copy of a lost pilot episode of '80s TV smash hit, The Dukes Of Hazzard.
The episode, which die-hard Dukes fans refer to as 'the legendary lynching episode', was supposed to be the show's series premiere, before the big-wigs up in N.Y.C. got a look at the finished product.
"We wanted an authentic look of the south," admitted Ari Wickmeyer, on a Zoom call from a Florida Senior Center. He was the executive producer on the show in the 1980s. We caught up with him playing Chinese checkers. "We said, 'Hire some writers, directors and crew from the south, and let them get to it. Call us when you're done. Bye.' And I hung up," explained Wickmeyer.
"Three weeks later, what we got was Uncle Jesse holding a black man at gun point to open the very first episode," tells a forlorn Mr. Wickmeyer. "I was, like, I do not like where this is going..."
Sure enough, once Rosco and Boss Hogg arrive on the scene to investigate what Uncle Jesse says was a 'peeping-tom' in Daisy's window, the gang string the man up to the back of Cooter's tow truck and half-drag him, dangling back to the town jail.
In the episode, the man survives the 5-mile journey over bumpy dirt roads. Barely conscious but able to speak, he agrees to plead guilty if they leave him alone. They make him sweep the entire town with a fireplace broom and shovel. And clean Boss Hogg's Cadillac with a toothbrush.
"But we says, 'Hey, this ain't gonna fly,'" explains WIckmeyer. "There ain't nearly enough car jumpin' in this episode. So I says, 'fellas, hows about you put the African American gentleman in Bo and Luke's trunk, and take him for a little ride!
"And boy did they ever! They totaled four or five cars on that first episode alone. Cost a damn fortune!"
"Eventually, a bunch of associations put the kibosh on the whole thing. I understand, I guess. Whaddya gonna do? Diff'rent era. Damn shame, though, that one would have won an Emmy," adds a wistful Wickmeyer. 'You can barely tell that the black guy is really Cooter in black face, either. Can ya? Great make up artist, the best, went on to do CATS.'
"Times change, now it'd be a Mexican guy, I guess, right?" said Wickmeyer, as we started to hang up on him. "Damn, I lost again! Marty, you always beat me! I ain't payin'! I was on a damn phone call!"
Bidding for the lost episode's 47-minute BETA tape will be done online at Christy's (Not the auction house, but the sub shop in downtown Little Rock), with the footage expected to fetch well over $800 (more than likely from pro-golfer, Bubba Watson, who also owns the General Lee, and loves watching movies on BETA tape.)
'Hey Bubba!'
(Writer's note: No vintage muscle cars were damaged in the writing of this story. And Bubba's OK, too. Black Lives Matter.)


thespoof--2020-12-12--Another Dropkick For Donald Trump By The Supreme Court

In a unanimous decision by the US Supreme Court , Donald Trump received another dropkick out of the Supreme Court and out of the White House .
Trump ’ s team hasn ’ t yet petitioned Santa Claus to throw out the 2020 election , but after Santa , Trump 's lawyers will petition the Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club .
Santa Claus has a tradition of rewarding only those who have been nice , not naughty , and the whole world knows about the Stormy Daniels affair , and that was not nice .
The Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve already decided to side with Donald Trump , giving him an unprecedented unanimous vote to throw out the 2020 election , the Constitution , Democracy , and keep Donald Trump in office .
When Santa rejects Trump ’ s petition to throw out the 2020 election , or whatever legal scholars are calling it , the Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club should be a sure bet .
`` Trump can get the Golden Toilets of America to side with him , but Trump is leaving January 20 , one way or another @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , attend the inaugural , then fly by helicopter to Air Force One , and home to Florida , where all retired folks go .
Or he could be carried out by Seal Team 6 , dumped on Pennsylvania Avenue , hail a cab , and then fly commercial to Florida .
One way or the other , Trump is history .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

In a unanimous decision by the US Supreme Court, Donald Trump received another dropkick out of the Supreme Court and out of the White House. Trump’s team hasn’t yet petitioned Santa Claus to throw out the 2020 election, but after Santa, Trump's lawyers will petition the Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club.
Santa Claus has a tradition of rewarding only those who have been nice, not naughty, and the whole world knows about the Stormy Daniels affair, and that was not nice.
The Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club will follow Santa’s rejection. They’ve already decided to side with Donald Trump, giving him an unprecedented unanimous vote to throw out the 2020 election, the Constitution, Democracy, and keep Donald Trump in office.
When Santa rejects Trump’s petition to throw out the 2020 election, or whatever legal scholars are calling it, the Mar-a-Lago Family Golf Club should be a sure bet.
"Trump can get the Golden Toilets of America to side with him, but Trump is leaving January 20, one way or another."
One way is by limousine, attend the inaugural, then fly by helicopter to Air Force One, and home to Florida, where all retired folks go. Or he could be carried out by Seal Team 6, dumped on Pennsylvania Avenue, hail a cab, and then fly commercial to Florida.
One way or the other, Trump is history.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-12--President Trump Is Thinking of Resigning

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Breaking news coming out of D.C. confirms that President Donald Trump is seriously considering resigning .
Vox Populi reports that a source close to Melania Trump stated that POTUS has finally had his fill of CNN , MSNBC , and even ESPN-4 constantly making him look like he ’ s some bigoted , racist loser .
Zydeco Dupree , a stand-up comic from New Orleans , commented that Trump IS a bigoted , racist loser .
Dupree said that the best thing old `` Lying Ass '' Trump can do is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Human Mannequin ” Pence take over .
As many political pundits have said , this way # 45 can avoid any video going on YouTube showing his ass being physically carried out of the White House by his arms and legs .
Meanwhile , Hope Hicks , Trump ’ s closest aide and woman who thinks she is going to be the next Mrs. Donald J. Trump , says that Trump told her that he may just lock himself in the Presidential Bunker with a box of Big Macs , and refuse to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Remote .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Breaking news coming out of D.C. confirms that President Donald Trump is seriously considering resigning.
Vox Populi reports that a source close to Melania Trump stated that POTUS has finally had his fill of CNN, MSNBC, and even ESPN-4 constantly making him look like he’s some bigoted, racist loser.
Zydeco Dupree, a stand-up comic from New Orleans, commented that Trump IS a bigoted, racist loser.
Dupree said that the best thing old "Lying Ass" Trump can do is resign and let Vice-President Mike “The Human Mannequin” Pence take over.
As many political pundits have said, this way #45 can avoid any video going on YouTube showing his ass being physically carried out of the White House by his arms and legs.
Meanwhile, Hope Hicks, Trump’s closest aide and woman who thinks she is going to be the next Mrs. Donald J. Trump, says that Trump told her that he may just lock himself in the Presidential Bunker with a box of Big Macs, and refuse to give President Joe Biden the Missile Launching Remote.


thespoof--2020-12-12--Georgia Independent Man Conflicted Over US Senate Runoff Elections

Independent Georgia man , Danny Unfettered , admitted that he is completely conflicted over which candidates he will vote for in January ’ s US senate run-off elections .
He has found himself at the crossroads of trying to figure out which senate party he closely identifies with .
He has been looking over his mail-in ballot for the past several days , trying to discern which candidates he should choose .
“ I just can ’ t make up my mind , ” lamented Fetter .
“ Ossoff seems to be a good choice .
His platform includes commissioning @ @ @ @ @ @ @ alien spaceships alighting on banana plantations in the country of Saudi Arabia .
This is good legislation , because I eat a lot of bananas .
“ Then there is Ossoff ‘ s opponent , Perdue , ” continued Unfettered .
“ He plans on introducing a bill that will declare cat hair balls as a health emergency .
I have a cat that vomits hair balls every now and then .
The bill is a good bill , which makes it difficult to choose who to vote for.
” “ In the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ all of the elected members of Congress have their interns wear rabbit suits and carry around Easter baskets while performing their work duties .
This will give the semblance that every day will be an Easter Day .
I really like Easter - it ’ s the best holiday of the year !
” “ And finally , there is Warnock ’ s opponent , Loeffler , who plans to form a committee to explore the social characteristics of trees .
The study will be funded by a fart tax .
The more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pay .
Trees are important .
If you don ’ t have trees , you don ’ t have money to buy pixy dust.
” As of press time , Unfettered headed out to the grocery store to buy some ice-cream .
He couldn ’ t decide on chocolate or strawberry , so he bought a half gallon of vanilla , instead .

Independent Georgia man, Danny Unfettered, admitted that he is completely conflicted over which candidates he will vote for in January’s US senate run-off elections. He has found himself at the crossroads of trying to figure out which senate party he closely identifies with. He has been looking over his mail-in ballot for the past several days, trying to discern which candidates he should choose.
“I just can’t make up my mind,” lamented Fetter. “Ossoff seems to be a good choice. His platform includes commissioning an agency to study the effects of alien spaceships alighting on banana plantations in the country of Saudi Arabia. This is good legislation, because I eat a lot of bananas.
“Then there is Ossoff ‘s opponent, Perdue,” continued Unfettered. “He plans on introducing a bill that will declare cat hair balls as a health emergency. I have a cat that vomits hair balls every now and then. The bill is a good bill, which makes it difficult to choose who to vote for.”
“In the other race, Warnock has proposed having all of the elected members of Congress have their interns wear rabbit suits and carry around Easter baskets while performing their work duties. This will give the semblance that every day will be an Easter Day. I really like Easter - it’s the best holiday of the year!”
“And finally, there is Warnock’s opponent, Loeffler, who plans to form a committee to explore the social characteristics of trees. The study will be funded by a fart tax. The more you fart, the more taxes you pay. Trees are important. If you don’t have trees, you don’t have money to buy pixy dust.”
As of press time, Unfettered headed out to the grocery store to buy some ice-cream. He couldn’t decide on chocolate or strawberry, so he bought a half gallon of vanilla, instead.


thespoof--2020-12-12--The Results of President Trump’s Year-End Physical Are Not Good

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The President ’ s personal physician , Dr. Yang Fu Fi , just gave him his annual year-end medical exam , and revealed that the results are not good .
Dr. Fu Fi said that Trump appears to be in good shape - if he were 109-years-old .
The doctor informed White House press secretary , Kayleigh McEnany , that the President shows definite signs of being in the third-stage of Stupindasitus Nutsatosis .
He added that , if not treated , POTUS could end up being stupider than a marshmallow @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He did say that one good sign is that , in talking to him , it seems that his lying has gone from 37 lies a day down to 24 , which is a step in the right direction .
Dr. Fu Fi remarked that he hopes to get that number down to 15 or 16 within six weeks .
But , overall , Trump ’ s doctor stated that he hopes to get all of these medical issues and conditions fixed before Trump is sentenced to prison ; probably sometime in @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The President’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, just gave him his annual year-end medical exam, and revealed that the results are not good.
Dr. Fu Fi said that Trump appears to be in good shape - if he were 109-years-old.
The doctor informed White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, that the President shows definite signs of being in the third-stage of Stupindasitus Nutsatosis.
He added that, if not treated, POTUS could end up being stupider than a marshmallow or, even worse, a twig.
He did say that one good sign is that, in talking to him, it seems that his lying has gone from 37 lies a day down to 24, which is a step in the right direction.
Dr. Fu Fi remarked that he hopes to get that number down to 15 or 16 within six weeks.
But, overall, Trump’s doctor stated that he hopes to get all of these medical issues and conditions fixed before Trump is sentenced to prison; probably sometime in late March or early April.


thespoof--2020-12-12--President Trump Has Just Hit 10 Billion Tweets

PHILADELPHIA – ( Satire News ) – The president has just reached yet another milestone .
Last week , it was reported by iNews , that he has played more golf during his presidency than all of the other 44 presidents combined .
Then , a few days ago , Horror Magazine named him their `` Man of The Year '' .
And now , POTUS has the dubious distinction of just having hit the 10 billion tweets milestone .
Press secretary Kayleigh McEnany stated that the President ’ s 10 billionth tweet was “ If Mitch McConnell gets any @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him for Sarah Huckabee-Sanders.
” When the President was told about him being the champion tweeter , he winked and said that after he leaves office , he is planning on scaling down his tweeting a bit .
He then quipped that he plans to go from 140 tweets a day , down to 138 tweets per day .
Meanwhile , iNews reporter Kitty Segovia , who was Miss California 2016 , commented that , during her interview with the President , he eyed her up and down about seven times , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

PHILADELPHIA – (Satire News) – The president has just reached yet another milestone. Last week, it was reported by iNews, that he has played more golf during his presidency than all of the other 44 presidents combined.
Then, a few days ago, Horror Magazine named him their "Man of The Year".
And now, POTUS has the dubious distinction of just having hit the 10 billion tweets milestone.
Press secretary Kayleigh McEnany stated that the President’s 10 billionth tweet was “If Mitch McConnell gets any uglier, people are going to mistake him for Sarah Huckabee-Sanders.”
When the President was told about him being the champion tweeter, he winked and said that after he leaves office, he is planning on scaling down his tweeting a bit.
He then quipped that he plans to go from 140 tweets a day, down to 138 tweets per day.
Meanwhile, iNews reporter Kitty Segovia, who was Miss California 2016, commented that, during her interview with the President, he eyed her up and down about seven times, and asked her if she liked Big Macs.


thespoof--2020-12-13--Anal Butt Boxcar- The Hidden Deadly Trend

If you hear kids talking about ABB , they probably aren ’ t talking about the latest rap song or internet meme .
ABB is slang for a deadly new pastime .
Anal-Butt-Boxcar or ABB is the latest fashion .
It all started in Eastern Europe , which might as well be located across town thanks to the internet .
Bored teenagers in Belarus started smoking through their rectums as a joke back in 2017 .
With the new COVID-19 lockdown , lots of teens have become as bored as those in Eastern Europe , leading to an epidemic of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This is a problem , because nicotine is absorbed differently through the anal lining than it is in the mouth or lungs .
It can be more addictive ( though more research is needed ) , it increases the chances of developing anal cancer , and it can potentially reverse the downward trend in tobacco use in teens it ’ s not stopped .
Gloria Stein , a psychologist specializing in teen sexuality and bestselling author of ( Your Kids Are Fucking - GET OVER IT ! )
, offered this advice ; @ @ @ @ @ @ @ regards to sex .
2 .
Have a frank and detailed conversation about every type of sex act covered in my book .
3 .
Let them know that you love them no matter what , which is why you want them to have a rectum that doesn ’ t smell like an ashtray .
4 .
Avoid talk of death and cancer , because it will not resonate with them - just focus on anal sex and let them know that in order to have a healthy love life , there is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ end !

If you hear kids talking about ABB, they probably aren’t talking about the latest rap song or internet meme. ABB is slang for a deadly new pastime.
Anal-Butt-Boxcar or ABB is the latest fashion. It all started in Eastern Europe, which might as well be located across town thanks to the internet. Bored teenagers in Belarus started smoking through their rectums as a joke back in 2017. With the new COVID-19 lockdown, lots of teens have become as bored as those in Eastern Europe, leading to an epidemic of a new kind - anal smoking.
This is a problem, because nicotine is absorbed differently through the anal lining than it is in the mouth or lungs. It can be more addictive (though more research is needed), it increases the chances of developing anal cancer, and it can potentially reverse the downward trend in tobacco use in teens it’s not stopped.
Gloria Stein, a psychologist specializing in teen sexuality and bestselling author of (Your Kids Are Fucking - GET OVER IT!), offered this advice;
1. Be clear and accepting with regards to sex.
2. Have a frank and detailed conversation about every type of sex act covered in my book.
3. Let them know that you love them no matter what, which is why you want them to have a rectum that doesn’t smell like an ashtray.
4. Avoid talk of death and cancer, because it will not resonate with them - just focus on anal sex and let them know that in order to have a healthy love life, there is no room for cigarettes period - the end!


thespoof--2020-12-14--Like A Slowly Collapsing Souffle, Trump Says Election Not Over

Poof , like a slowly collapsing soufflé , Donald Trump insists that the election isn ’ t over .
But it ’ s over .
Done .
Finished .
The fat lady sang .
Joe Biden won .
Pack your bags .
Time to go back home .
It isn ’ t like the grim reaper , but it is .
Using capital letters ( to impress himself ) , Trump tweeted : 2020 WAS THE MOST CORRUPT ELECTION IN US HISTORY .
No one has ever known Donald Trump to be a historian , by any stretch of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the most corrupt , 2016 was the ultimate everlasting and unsurpassable father of corruption .
And mother had nothing to do with it .
Disgraced , confessed two-time perjurer to the FBI , and pardon by pal Donald Trump , Michael Flynn announced to a crowd of far-right Trump supporters : “ We decide the election .
We ’ re waging a battle across America.
” Some pal .
Some patriot .
It sounds more like a sore loser who lost touch with reality .
Needs a bowl of sour prune reality .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ in each state ’ s capital , and each state will announce which candidate will receive their state ’ s vote .
Biden will have 306 Electoral votes , and Trump will have 232 .
The requirement is 270 to win , and Biden went well over the top .
Electors have already been chosen and will include both Hillary and Bill Clinton .
One can only imagine Hillary salivating and licking her chops to cast her vote : “ Let me at it !
” This Electoral College vote will conclude the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Joseph Biden won it .
Poof !
The soufflé is as flat as a pancake .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Poof, like a slowly collapsing soufflé, Donald Trump insists that the election isn’t over. But it’s over. Done. Finished. The fat lady sang. Joe Biden won. Pack your bags. Time to go back home. It isn’t like the grim reaper, but it is.
Using capital letters (to impress himself), Trump tweeted: 2020 WAS THE MOST CORRUPT ELECTION IN US HISTORY.
No one has ever known Donald Trump to be a historian, by any stretch of the imagination. But, if 2020 was the most corrupt, 2016 was the ultimate everlasting and unsurpassable father of corruption.
And mother had nothing to do with it.
Disgraced, confessed two-time perjurer to the FBI, and pardon by pal Donald Trump, Michael Flynn announced to a crowd of far-right Trump supporters: “We decide the election. We’re waging a battle across America.”
Some pal. Some patriot. It sounds more like a sore loser who lost touch with reality. Needs a bowl of sour prune reality.
The Electoral College will vote on Monday in each state’s capital, and each state will announce which candidate will receive their state’s vote. Biden will have 306 Electoral votes, and Trump will have 232.
The requirement is 270 to win, and Biden went well over the top.
Electors have already been chosen and will include both Hillary and Bill Clinton. One can only imagine Hillary salivating and licking her chops to cast her vote: “Let me at it!”
This Electoral College vote will conclude the result of this presidential contest. President Joseph Biden won it.
Poof! The soufflé is as flat as a pancake.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-14--Trump appoints 18 Warped Republicans to SCOTUS in Operation Speed.

The U.S. Supreme Court suddenly found itself enhanced by 18 Republicans who surrendered their governorships for immediate appointment to the Supreme Court as justices .
While America slept , Trump tweeted his new Executive Order : ‘ In all 18 Red states that I won , the Governors did their duty by throwing out all the illegal mail-in ballots and ‘ fixing ’ the voting machines .
I have now prompted , sorry promoted , these same governors to the Supreme Court with immediate effect , to con firmly the integrity of this election.
’ Without waiting for Trump ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their case against 80 million people who did not vote for Trump , the Supreme Court preserved the integrity of the election by awarding the presidency to Donald Trump by a resounding 18 votes to zero , with 9 abstentions .
‘ We have stolen back the election , ’ tweeted the President , as Golden Goose Fox News , QAnon and Newsmax celebrated Trump ’ s comeback with unbridled fanaticism .
“ This time , SOTUS is not hiding behind any procedure ; this is not dodgy business , ” gushed Kayleigh @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ Sean Hannity , who was at his beaming best .
“ Mr .
Trump has been saying , for months , that the Supreme Court was a kind of secret weapon that was going to come in and save the election for him.
” At his acceptance speech at the White House , Mr. Trump declared to the assembled Republicans : “ This is a special day in the history of America over the past four years .
We have re-emerged from the swamp for four more years , maybe 16 more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ salute all the banana republicans—18 Governors , 126 House Representatives , my sons , and the Fibsters Mob , such as Michael Flynn , Pillow-Talk Mike Lindell , Honest Fibber Alex Jones , Golden Turkeys Hannity and Tuck , and my favorite Liar , I mean Lawyer , Rude Giuliani -- Proud Boys all of them .
As a Christmas gift , all will receive Presidential Pardons .
And finally , this is the icing on the cake .
I have signed an Executive Order making bananas the National Fruit of America .
@ @ @ @ @ @

The U.S. Supreme Court suddenly found itself enhanced by 18 Republicans who surrendered their governorships for immediate appointment to the Supreme Court as justices.
While America slept, Trump tweeted his new Executive Order: ‘In all 18 Red states that I won, the Governors did their duty by throwing out all the illegal mail-in ballots and ‘fixing’ the voting machines. I have now prompted, sorry promoted, these same governors to the Supreme Court with immediate effect, to con firmly the integrity of this election.’
Without waiting for Trump’s legal team and Hannity to re-present their case against 80 million people who did not vote for Trump, the Supreme Court preserved the integrity of the election by awarding the presidency to Donald Trump by a resounding 18 votes to zero, with 9 abstentions.
‘We have stolen back the election,’ tweeted the President, as Golden Goose Fox News, QAnon and Newsmax celebrated Trump’s comeback with unbridled fanaticism.
“This time, SOTUS is not hiding behind any procedure; this is not dodgy business,” gushed Kayleigh McEnemy-of-the-Press in an interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, who was at his beaming best. “Mr. Trump has been saying, for months, that the Supreme Court was a kind of secret weapon that was going to come in and save the election for him.”
At his acceptance speech at the White House, Mr. Trump declared to the assembled Republicans: “This is a special day in the history of America over the past four years. We have re-emerged from the swamp for four more years, maybe 16 more years. For that success, I salute all the banana republicans—18 Governors, 126 House Representatives, my sons, and the Fibsters Mob, such as Michael Flynn, Pillow-Talk Mike Lindell, Honest Fibber Alex Jones, Golden Turkeys Hannity and Tuck, and my favorite Liar, I mean Lawyer, Rude Giuliani -- Proud Boys all of them. As a Christmas gift, all will receive Presidential Pardons.
And finally, this is the icing on the cake. I have signed an Executive Order making bananas the National Fruit of America. Long Live the Republic!"


thespoof--2020-12-14--Republican Senators To Admit: Hey, Trump Lost

It is believed that , after the Electoral College certifies that Joseph Biden won the 2020 election and is the new President of the United States , further establishing that Donald Trump lost the November 3rd election , Republican senators will have a Come to Jesus , epiphany , and finally have to admit : Hey , gee whiz , Trump lost !
Of course , Trump will go on a super wild attack , calling the senators traitors , losers ( whoops , he can ’ t use the word loser ) , unpatriotic , back-stabbing wimps , zeros @ @ @ @ @ @ @ demented , the whole shebang .
His children will jump into the fray , as will Giuliani .
Be Best will add a word or one-half more .
But some Republican senators fear agreeing with the certification of Joseph Biden as the lawful winner of the 2020 election .
It would be like stepping onto a minefield .
Mitt Romney doesn ’ t have to worry , as he ’ s already danced like Fred Astaire over the minefield and made it through alive .
Sure , he was called a few names @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and showed a lot of class .
How will Lindsey Graham come to terms with verbalizing the Trump loss ?
Either with a whew , or a pew .
Will Republican senators attend the inauguration ?
The whiney ogre that he is , you can bet Donald Trump will be making a list and checking it twice , to tweet who was naughty to attend and nice to skip .
An everlasting hailstorm of tweets will fall upon Republican senators who attend Biden ’ s inauguration .
However , some Republican senators voice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on , will be taken as move out , by the ogre .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

It is believed that, after the Electoral College certifies that Joseph Biden won the 2020 election and is the new President of the United States, further establishing that Donald Trump lost the November 3rd election, Republican senators will have a Come to Jesus, epiphany, and finally have to admit: Hey, gee whiz, Trump lost!
Of course, Trump will go on a super wild attack, calling the senators traitors, losers (whoops, he can’t use the word loser), unpatriotic, back-stabbing wimps, zeros, failures, nasty, sick, demented, the whole shebang.
His children will jump into the fray, as will Giuliani. Be Best will add a word or one-half more.
Hang on!
But some Republican senators fear agreeing with the certification of Joseph Biden as the lawful winner of the 2020 election. It would be like stepping onto a minefield. Mitt Romney doesn’t have to worry, as he’s already danced like Fred Astaire over the minefield and made it through alive. Sure, he was called a few names, but the guy had a spine and showed a lot of class.
How will Lindsey Graham come to terms with verbalizing the Trump loss? Either with a whew, or a pew.
Will Republican senators attend the inauguration? The whiney ogre that he is, you can bet Donald Trump will be making a list and checking it twice, to tweet who was naughty to attend and nice to skip.
An everlasting hailstorm of tweets will fall upon Republican senators who attend Biden’s inauguration. However, some Republican senators voice a wish to move on.
Move on, will be taken as move out, by the ogre.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-14--Satan Buys Pardon from Trump for $8bn

Satan Buys Pardon from Trump for $8bn

In a ‘ not very surprising ’ move , it was revealed today that outgoing president and all-round shithouse , Donald Trump has agreed to issue the devil with a presidential pardon .
The full and complete pardon will be rushed through ahead of Trump ’ s presidency expiring in January 2021 .
Whilst the move to legally exonerate Satan from all his earthly evil-doings was n't announced by The White House , it was discovered when a whistleblower handed over private bank account details to the cub investigator from the UK comic The Beano .
The documents clearly show @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from Beelzebub Holdings ( Satan ’ s Swiss bank account ) to Trump ’ s secret Chinese bank account , that has the account name of ‘ Fukemall , Screwem & Run.
’ For those unfamiliar with Satan , he has been operating on Earth for a considerable period of time , and is reputed to be responsible for some - probably the majority - of the evil deeds that have befallen the planet .
The self-proclaimed ‘ fallen angel ’ has yet to be brought to justice , although law enforcement and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ) countries have been on his trail for centuries .
But Satan has always somehow managed to evade capture .
This is thought to be because he has always been close to those in positions of power , and a member of an establishment that closes ranks to protect one of its own when under threat .
Satan is a fully paid up member of the Republican Party , a staunch Catholic , and a member of the UK royal family .
When pressed to confirm whether the story was true , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cash transfer , Trump had nowhere to run , and admitted that he planned to pardon the Devil .
“ Okay , I ’ ve trousered the money , ” confessed a far-from-contrite Trump in a hastily assembled news conference in the dumpster compound at The White House , “ but so what ?
Satan gets a terrible press , but he ’ s not all that bad .
I ’ ve done far worse things than him .
At least he ’ s not an adulterous , narcissistic , hooker-using , greedy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ big threat anymore .
All he wants to do is settle down in Florida and enjoy his retirement , with the occasional Satanic orgy , the odd sacrifice of a virgin , and all his followers down there dancing naked around a bonfire for him once in a while .
Where ’ s the harm in that ?
I need the money , for heaven ’ s sake !
I ’ ve got enormous legal bills heading my way if I ’ m going to stay out of the slammer !
” However @ @ @ @ @ @ @ furious reaction from some quarters .
Swiftest to comment was Speaker of the US House of Representatives , Nancy Pelosi , barking out , “ The bastard should rot in hell for his sins…and that goes for Satan , too !
” Specifically about Satan , she said , “ The guys got a lot to answer for .
Look what he did to my face !
” News has just reached the media that the President ’ s wife/daughter , Ivanka , has opened a ‘ Pop-up Presidential Pardon Parlour ’ in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and super-wicked market , Ivanka is selling full presidential pardons for $ 10 million each .
Apparently , a queue has already formed outside the front door of the store .
At the head of the queue , apparently , is the UK ’ s naughtiest royal , Prince ‘ I like ‘ em young and juicy ’ Andrew .

In a ‘not very surprising’ move, it was revealed today that outgoing president and all-round shithouse, Donald Trump has agreed to issue the devil with a presidential pardon. The full and complete pardon will be rushed through ahead of Trump’s presidency expiring in January 2021.
Whilst the move to legally exonerate Satan from all his earthly evil-doings wasn't announced by The White House, it was discovered when a whistleblower handed over private bank account details to the cub investigator from the UK comic The Beano.
The documents clearly show a sum of $8bn being transferred from Beelzebub Holdings (Satan’s Swiss bank account) to Trump’s secret Chinese bank account, that has the account name of ‘Fukemall, Screwem & Run.’
For those unfamiliar with Satan, he has been operating on Earth for a considerable period of time, and is reputed to be responsible for some - probably the majority - of the evil deeds that have befallen the planet.
The self-proclaimed ‘fallen angel’ has yet to be brought to justice, although law enforcement and religious organizations in many (not all) countries have been on his trail for centuries.
But Satan has always somehow managed to evade capture. This is thought to be because he has always been close to those in positions of power, and a member of an establishment that closes ranks to protect one of its own when under threat. Satan is a fully paid up member of the Republican Party, a staunch Catholic, and a member of the UK royal family.
When pressed to confirm whether the story was true, and faced with the irrefutable evidence of the cash transfer, Trump had nowhere to run, and admitted that he planned to pardon the Devil.
“Okay, I’ve trousered the money,” confessed a far-from-contrite Trump in a hastily assembled news conference in the dumpster compound at The White House, “but so what? Satan gets a terrible press, but he’s not all that bad. I’ve done far worse things than him. At least he’s not an adulterous, narcissistic, hooker-using, greedy crook. The guy’s no big threat anymore. All he wants to do is settle down in Florida and enjoy his retirement, with the occasional Satanic orgy, the odd sacrifice of a virgin, and all his followers down there dancing naked around a bonfire for him once in a while. Where’s the harm in that? I need the money, for heaven’s sake! I’ve got enormous legal bills heading my way if I’m going to stay out of the slammer!”
However, the news was met with a furious reaction from some quarters. Swiftest to comment was Speaker of the US House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, barking out, “The bastard should rot in hell for his sins…and that goes for Satan, too!”
Specifically about Satan, she said, “The guys got a lot to answer for. Look what he did to my face!”
News has just reached the media that the President’s wife/daughter, Ivanka, has opened a ‘Pop-up Presidential Pardon Parlour’ in downtown Manhattan. Aimed at the super-rich and super-wicked market, Ivanka is selling full presidential pardons for $10 million each. Apparently, a queue has already formed outside the front door of the store. At the head of the queue, apparently, is the UK’s naughtiest royal, Prince ‘I like ‘em young and juicy’ Andrew.


thespoof--2020-12-14--The United Nations Says Russia Will Not Get Any C-19 Vaccines

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – The Secretary General of the United Nations , Antonio Guterres , has announced that Russia will not receive any Coronavirus vaccines when they become available .
He stated that the UN ’ s 193 sovereign country members have voted 189-4 , to not allow Russia to get even half-a-dozen of the vaccines .
Guterres told the news media that one of the main reasons was due to Russia 's blatant interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential election , and even in the 2020 election , not to mention the 2020 Kentucky @ @ @ @ @ @ @ why Russia will not be getting any vaccines was because of Putin allegedly hitting on Ivanka Trump when she visited Russia in 2014 .
The secretary general noted President Putin said the UN was being unfair , because several Americans , including Donald Trump , Donald Trump Jr. , Rudy Giuliani , and Kimberly Guilfoyle were totally aware of Russia ’ s illegal involvement , and didn ’ t say diddly squat .
Putin has reportedly contacted the renowned West Coast law firm of Allred , Bloom & Cuevas , to represent him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the UN , the CIA , and Kimberly Guilfoyle .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The Secretary General of the United Nations, Antonio Guterres, has announced that Russia will not receive any Coronavirus vaccines when they become available.
He stated that the UN’s 193 sovereign country members have voted 189-4, to not allow Russia to get even half-a-dozen of the vaccines.
Guterres told the news media that one of the main reasons was due to Russia's blatant interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential election, and even in the 2020 election, not to mention the 2020 Kentucky Derby.
Another reason given as to why Russia will not be getting any vaccines was because of Putin allegedly hitting on Ivanka Trump when she visited Russia in 2014.
The secretary general noted President Putin said the UN was being unfair, because several Americans, including Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Rudy Giuliani, and Kimberly Guilfoyle were totally aware of Russia’s illegal involvement, and didn’t say diddly squat.
Putin has reportedly contacted the renowned West Coast law firm of Allred, Bloom & Cuevas, to represent him in his $1.3 billion lawsuit against the UN, the CIA, and Kimberly Guilfoyle.


thespoof--2020-12-14--California Has Decided to Ban Christmas

California Has Decided to Ban Christmas

SACRAMENTO – ( Satire News ) – The Golden State has just issued a proclamation banning Christmas .
A spokesperson for Governor Gavin Newsom stated that after days and days of fiery debate , the California senate has decided that it is just too damn effen dangerous to celebrate Christmas this year , due to the Coronavirus .
The spokesman noted that , if the local law enforcement officers see anyone wearing a Santa Claus suit , the individual will be arrested on the spot , and charged with violating the Christmas directive , as well as disobeying the 1991 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Christmas tree industry has said that they are going to have to lay off hundreds of lumberjacks , as well as flat-bed truck drivers .
Meanwhile , the Kardashian family has revealed that they have already spent over $ 3 million decorating their mansions with Christmas lights , ornament displays , and actors portraying the three wise men , Joseph , Mary , the Baby Jesus , and Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus .
When it was suggested that they simply return everything , Courtney Kardashian started crying , and said that they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ representative for the state said she was so sorry , and mentioned the old Connecticut cliché…tuff titty , said the kitty .

SACRAMENTO – (Satire News) – The Golden State has just issued a proclamation banning Christmas.
A spokesperson for Governor Gavin Newsom stated that after days and days of fiery debate, the California senate has decided that it is just too damn effen dangerous to celebrate Christmas this year, due to the Coronavirus.
The spokesman noted that, if the local law enforcement officers see anyone wearing a Santa Claus suit, the individual will be arrested on the spot, and charged with violating the Christmas directive, as well as disobeying the 1991 Ipso St. Nickanogalitus Amendment.
The California Christmas tree industry has said that they are going to have to lay off hundreds of lumberjacks, as well as flat-bed truck drivers.
Meanwhile, the Kardashian family has revealed that they have already spent over $3 million decorating their mansions with Christmas lights, ornament displays, and actors portraying the three wise men, Joseph, Mary, the Baby Jesus, and Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.
When it was suggested that they simply return everything, Courtney Kardashian started crying, and said that they threw away all the receipts.
A representative for the state said she was so sorry, and mentioned the old Connecticut cliché…tuff titty, said the kitty.


thespoof--2020-12-15--Trump Advisor Steven Miller Declares the N.Y. Jets Undefeated After Submitting Alternate Scores to t

Trump Advisor Steven Miller Declares the N.Y. Jets Undefeated After Submitting Alternate Scores to the NFL

Washington - White House advisor , Steven Miller , after announcing that alternative elector slates were submitted from four battleground @ @ @ @ @ he hoped would result in overturning the election of Joe Biden as President , and @ @ @ @ @ Trump , followed up by also declaring that the New York Jets football team , @ @ @ @ @ a game , were actually undefeated in the 2020-2021 season after he sent alternative scoresheets @ @ @ @ @ the hapless team had actually won every game .
Jets fans were understandably thrilled at @ @ @ @ @ then encouraged them to call members of the New York state election board to reappoint @ @ @ @ @ Biden ones that already voted .
`` All of these games were rigged , just @ @ @ @ @ said Trump , as he nodded in agreement with Miller .

Washington - White House advisor, Steven Miller, after announcing that alternative elector slates were submitted from four battleground states to Congress, which he hoped would result in overturning the election of Joe Biden as President, and four more years of Donald Trump, followed up by also declaring that the New York Jets football team, which has yet to win a game, were actually undefeated in the 2020-2021 season after he sent alternative scoresheets to the NFL showing that the hapless team had actually won every game.
Jets fans were understandably thrilled at the outcome, and Miller then encouraged them to call members of the New York state election board to reappoint Trump electors to replace the Biden ones that already voted.
"All of these games were rigged, just like the election," said Trump, as he nodded in agreement with Miller.


thespoof--2020-12-15--Trump literally a turd that will not flush

It has been five weeks since the US election , and there is no doubt that Joe Biden won - unless you live in the deranged world of Donald Trump 's pathetic ego .
Geoff Ballcock studies presidential pipes , and spoke exclusively to TheSpoof with his analysis .
`` We view the presidency like plumbing , with pipes going in and pipes coming out .
It demonstrates clearly using an everyday example of how the system works . ''
He continued : `` Joe Biden is now entering the mouth and will spend the next four years in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he is as unpopular as Trump , then he may be pushed out early , like a bout of dysentery . ''
`` Trump , on the other hand , has just been pushed out , and should be part-way round the U-bend by now .
But he is like one of those pieces of shit that sticks to the side of the bowl and just will not budge .
`` A decent president would let himself be flushed away with grace , but Trump is incapable of that .
I fear that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fetch a toilet brush and scrub him away . ''
Ballcock is a professor of Presidential Plumbing at Anus University .

It has been five weeks since the US election, and there is no doubt that Joe Biden won - unless you live in the deranged world of Donald Trump's pathetic ego.
Geoff Ballcock studies presidential pipes, and spoke exclusively to TheSpoof with his analysis. "We view the presidency like plumbing, with pipes going in and pipes coming out. It demonstrates clearly using an everyday example of how the system works."
He continued: "Joe Biden is now entering the mouth and will spend the next four years in the upper intestines of the presidency. If he is as unpopular as Trump, then he may be pushed out early, like a bout of dysentery."
"Trump, on the other hand, has just been pushed out, and should be part-way round the U-bend by now. But he is like one of those pieces of shit that sticks to the side of the bowl and just will not budge.
"A decent president would let himself be flushed away with grace, but Trump is incapable of that. I fear that, eventually, someone will need to fetch a toilet brush and scrub him away."
Ballcock is a professor of Presidential Plumbing at Anus University.


thespoof--2020-12-15--Trump Tells Attorney General William Barr Adios Chubby

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) - In a move that stunned even Trump sidekick , Lindsey Graham , the soon-to-be-not-president has fired his attorney general .
GOPickly magazine is reporting that William Barr , ( aka Chubby ) , who , for months and months , forgot that he was the attorney for the American citizens , and not Trump ’ s personal attorney , said he had become a big damn ball of stress .
Vox Populi is reporting that Barr had refused to go along with the asshole ’ s idea of pardoning close to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ members , friends , and anyone who would pay the $ 100,000 pardoning fee .
According to an inside source , Trump has a list that includes 9,903 names of people he is going to pardon , which will net him $ 9.9 billion .
Barr said that he had not slept more than 2 hours and 15 minutes in months .
He added that he has already booked therapy sessions for the next 8 Thursdays .
His wife even told CNN ’ s Anderson Cooper that Billy is having a hell of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ coming from within the White House say that POTUS plans to name his son , Eric , as the new attorney general , circumventing the Assistant Attorney General Alexander Acosta .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News)- In a move that stunned even Trump sidekick, Lindsey Graham, the soon-to-be-not-president has fired his attorney general.
GOPickly magazine is reporting that William Barr, (aka Chubby), who, for months and months, forgot that he was the attorney for the American citizens, and not Trump’s personal attorney, said he had become a big damn ball of stress.
Vox Populi is reporting that Barr had refused to go along with the asshole’s idea of pardoning close to 10,000 of his family members, staff members, friends, and anyone who would pay the $100,000 pardoning fee.
According to an inside source, Trump has a list that includes 9,903 names of people he is going to pardon, which will net him $9.9 billion.
Barr said that he had not slept more than 2 hours and 15 minutes in months. He added that he has already booked therapy sessions for the next 8 Thursdays.
His wife even told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that Billy is having a hell of a time getting it up.
Reports coming from within the White House say that POTUS plans to name his son, Eric, as the new attorney general, circumventing the Assistant Attorney General Alexander Acosta.


thespoof--2020-12-14--Mitch McConnell Makes a Stunning Comment About Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – One of Senator Mitch McConnell ’ s former senate aides has told RumorLand News that the senator from Kentucky is nothing but a two-faced hypocrite .
The former aide said that , on several occasions recently , she overheard him tell other GOP senators that every Republican senator hates Trump with a passion .
McConnell and the other spineless pieces of shit are just so afraid of facing Trump ’ s wrath , that they have all allowed “ The Divider-in-Chief '' to turn them all into a bunch of old @ @ @ @ @ @ @ worst ones ; the biggest effen pussies , are Lindsay Graham , John Cornyn , Marco Rubio , and Ted Cruz , who have all lost their self-esteem , as well as their peckers .
RumorLand News expessed that truth-be-told , it 's really no secret , because Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi , is actually on record commenting that every Republican senator except for Mitt Romney sits down to pee .
McConnell has said that , once King Donald leaves office , the GOP senators are all going to try @ @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – One of Senator Mitch McConnell’s former senate aides has told RumorLand News that the senator from Kentucky is nothing but a two-faced hypocrite.
The former aide said that, on several occasions recently, she overheard him tell other GOP senators that every Republican senator hates Trump with a passion.
McConnell and the other spineless pieces of shit are just so afraid of facing Trump’s wrath, that they have all allowed “The Divider-in-Chief" to turn them all into a bunch of old pussies.
The aide said that the worst ones; the biggest effen pussies, are Lindsay Graham, John Cornyn, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz, who have all lost their self-esteem, as well as their peckers.
RumorLand News expessed that truth-be-told, it's really no secret, because Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, is actually on record commenting that every Republican senator except for Mitt Romney sits down to pee.
McConnell has said that, once King Donald leaves office, the GOP senators are all going to try and see about growing some balls.


thespoof--2020-12-14--Hungarian Hackers Hack Trump's Computer

Hungarian Hackers Hack Trump's Computer

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The President is furious after learning hackers from Hungary have compromised his personal computer .
The group , calling itself Covfefe XYZ-83 , say some of the info they have viewed would make Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby blush .
The group was able to get every email Trump has ever written , including hundreds to President Putin , President Kim Jong-un , Scott Baio , Hope Hicks , and Stormy Daniels .
They also have all of his tax records going back to 1966 , which show that he owes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ $ 13 million , and Stormy Daniels $ 1.3 million .
The Covfefe hackers have just released , to Wikipedia , intimate info , such as the vital statistics of First Lady Melania Trump ; 38C-24-36 .
They have , reportedly , already sent a lot of the hacked info to talk show hosts , including Stephen Colbert , Jimmy Kimmel , Trevor Noah , Jimmy Fallon , James Corden , and Whoopi Goldberg .
The Hungarian Barbarians , as the FBI has tagged the hackers , divulged that they have over 27,000 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ women , that they plan to release to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi .
When Trump was asked to comment , he was not able to , since he was throwing up like hell .

WASHINGTON , D.C. – (Satire News) – The President is furious after learning hackers from Hungary have compromised his personal computer.
The group, calling itself Covfefe XYZ-83, say some of the info they have viewed would make Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby blush.
The group was able to get every email Trump has ever written, including hundreds to President Putin, President Kim Jong-un, Scott Baio, Hope Hicks, and Stormy Daniels.
They also have all of his tax records going back to 1966, which show that he owes President Putin $39 million, Scotland $13 million, and Stormy Daniels $1.3 million.
The Covfefe hackers have just released, to Wikipedia, intimate info, such as the vital statistics of First Lady Melania Trump; 38C-24-36.
They have, reportedly, already sent a lot of the hacked info to talk show hosts, including Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Trevor Noah, Jimmy Fallon, James Corden, and Whoopi Goldberg.
The Hungarian Barbarians, as the FBI has tagged the hackers, divulged that they have over 27,000 photos of hot, sexy, lascivious women, that they plan to release to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
When Trump was asked to comment, he was not able to, since he was throwing up like hell.


thespoof--2020-12-16--The Rats Are Abandoning The USS Trump

The Rats Are Abandoning The USS Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The USS Trump didn ’ t hit an iceberg , but the rats are jumping ship by the dozens .
Trump boasts that he fired Barr ’ s back-stabbing butt , but , truth be told , Barr told Trump to stick his lying ways up his ass , and he quickly jumped overboard .
A White House insider says that Kayleigh McEnany , Trump 's chauffeur , and even Hope Hicks , the President 's side piece , will be following on the heels of Barr .
iRumors has even @ @ @ @ @ @ @ House cooks plan to leave their jobs as soon as possible , because , they say , they 're sick of the smell of Big Macs .
The White House gardener says that , as soon as he is finished planting two Mistletoes , some Lantana , and a South Texas Tumbleweed , he will be resigning .
And now the word is out that the President ’ s personal physician , Dr. Yang Fu Fi , will be leaving , just as soon as he returns from his vacation to Norway , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ California .
A source from within the White House revealed that there is definitely trouble in the presidential marriage , as First Lady Melania , has expressed to her husband that she wants him to resign .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The USS Trump didn’t hit an iceberg, but the rats are jumping ship by the dozens.
Trump boasts that he fired Barr’s back-stabbing butt, but, truth be told, Barr told Trump to stick his lying ways up his ass, and he quickly jumped overboard.
A White House insider says that Kayleigh McEnany, Trump's chauffeur, and even Hope Hicks, the President's side piece, will be following on the heels of Barr.
iRumors has even learned that 2 of the 4 White House cooks plan to leave their jobs as soon as possible, because, they say, they're sick of the smell of Big Macs.
The White House gardener says that, as soon as he is finished planting two Mistletoes, some Lantana, and a South Texas Tumbleweed, he will be resigning.
And now the word is out that the President’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, will be leaving, just as soon as he returns from his vacation to Norway, New Zealand, and La Brea, California.
A source from within the White House revealed that there is definitely trouble in the presidential marriage, as First Lady Melania, has expressed to her husband that she wants him to resign.


thespoof--2020-12-16--Putin Says Trump Is a #Loser

Putin Says Trump Is a #Loser

MOSCOW – ( Satire News ) – Russia ’ s national news agency Comrade News , has expressed that President Putin is furious with Donald Trump , who he is calling the worst friggin president in the history of presidents .
Vladimir Putin is really upset that Trump is saying that , yes , Russia interfered in the 2016 and 2020 presidential elections , but he ’ s insisting that he did it without his ( Trump 's ) knowledge .
The Russian leader reportedly told Donald 's alleged girlfriend , Senator Marsha Blackburn of Kentucky , that Trump is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he hopes the racist bastard gets hit on his head by a golf ball , or , even better , by a bowling ball .
Comrade News has also divulged that Trump owes Putin tens of millions of dollars which he promised to pay him so that Putin would not release Trump 's seven pee-pee tapes to CNN .
When Trump heard about what Putin had said , he angrily yelled that the pee in question does not have his DNA , and , truth be told , the pee DNA actually belongs @ @ @ @ @ @ @

MOSCOW – (Satire News) – Russia’s national news agency Comrade News, has expressed that President Putin is furious with Donald Trump, who he is calling the worst friggin president in the history of presidents.
Vladimir Putin is really upset that Trump is saying that, yes, Russia interfered in the 2016 and 2020 presidential elections, but he’s insisting that he did it without his (Trump's) knowledge.
The Russian leader reportedly told Donald's alleged girlfriend, Senator Marsha Blackburn of Kentucky, that Trump is a pussy.
Vlady then added that he hopes the racist bastard gets hit on his head by a golf ball, or, even better, by a bowling ball.
Comrade News has also divulged that Trump owes Putin tens of millions of dollars which he promised to pay him so that Putin would not release Trump's seven pee-pee tapes to CNN.
When Trump heard about what Putin had said, he angrily yelled that the pee in question does not have his DNA, and, truth be told, the pee DNA actually belongs to his adopted son, Eric.


thespoof--2020-12-17--Dewey Defeats Truman (For Realz This Time!)

There 's a famous photo from the 1948 U.S. election showing the re-elected President Truman holding up an inaccurate copy of the Chicago Daily Tribune proclaiming 'Dewey Defeats Truman ' .
And now the estate of the late Thomas E. Dewey wants to make that a reality .
Motivated by the delusional rantings of the outgoing President Trump ( you know , the guy that thinks he won in a landslide , and that he still has a chance to reverse 10 million votes , but the vote was rigged and he lost millions of votes just out of Phoenix @ @ @ @ @ @ @ claims that voter fraud and sneaky-snake tactics from the Democrats in 1948 , put the kibosh on the hopes of wannabe presidential nominee Dewey , some 72 years ago .
`` We want to correct history ! ''
claimed a representative who is n't named 'Farsnaggle ' from the firm of Farsnaggle , Farsnaggle , Farsnaggle , and Jones , the lawyers taking the case to the Supreme Court .
`` If Trump thinks he can change history this far past the election , what 's the difference if it 's one month @ @ @ @ @ @ @ !
We want justice !
Why would an newspaper create a fake news headline unless it was true ?
It 's even got a fancy name : 'Daily Tribiune ' , so it must be important ! ''
Truman won reelection after garnering 303 electoral votes , carrying 28 states , and acquiring 49.6 % of the people on his side .
By comparison , Thomas Dewey received 189 votes , 16 states , and 45.1 % .
The third contender , Strom Thurmond , got 39 votes , 4 states , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wanted their president to have a funny , confusing name .
Asked how the vote could be changed so far in the past , since the history books show Truman served the next four years before being succeeded by President Eisenhower , the lawyers replied : '' We 'll just guess what Dewey would have done , which was probably the opposite of Truman .
We 're gon na print all of our revised history on handy , easy-to-stick Post-It notes for quick and efficient alterations in said history books .
That 'll @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Dewey rules ! ''
It 's questionable if the Supreme Court will hear out the case .
No word yet on whether or not the estate of Winfield S. Hancock will also fight his defeat in the 1880 presidential election versus James Garfield .

There's a famous photo from the 1948 U.S. election showing the re-elected President Truman holding up an inaccurate copy of the Chicago Daily Tribune proclaiming 'Dewey Defeats Truman'.
And now the estate of the late Thomas E. Dewey wants to make that a reality.
Motivated by the delusional rantings of the outgoing President Trump (you know, the guy that thinks he won in a landslide, and that he still has a chance to reverse 10 million votes, but the vote was rigged and he lost millions of votes just out of Phoenix, alone), the Dewey estate claims that voter fraud and sneaky-snake tactics from the Democrats in 1948, put the kibosh on the hopes of wannabe presidential nominee Dewey, some 72 years ago.
"We want to correct history!" claimed a representative who isn't named 'Farsnaggle' from the firm of Farsnaggle, Farsnaggle, Farsnaggle, and Jones, the lawyers taking the case to the Supreme Court. "If Trump thinks he can change history this far past the election, what's the difference if it's one month or 72 years and one month?! We want justice! Why would an newspaper create a fake news headline unless it was true? It's even got a fancy name: 'Daily Tribiune', so it must be important!"
Truman won reelection after garnering 303 electoral votes, carrying 28 states, and acquiring 49.6 % of the people on his side. By comparison, Thomas Dewey received 189 votes, 16 states, and 45.1 %. The third contender, Strom Thurmond, got 39 votes, 4 states, and 2.4 %, mostly from people that wanted their president to have a funny, confusing name.
Asked how the vote could be changed so far in the past, since the history books show Truman served the next four years before being succeeded by President Eisenhower, the lawyers replied:
"We'll just guess what Dewey would have done, which was probably the opposite of Truman. We're gonna print all of our revised history on handy, easy-to-stick Post-It notes for quick and efficient alterations in said history books. That'll show those devious, tricky Democrats! Dewey rules!"
It's questionable if the Supreme Court will hear out the case. No word yet on whether or not the estate of Winfield S. Hancock will also fight his defeat in the 1880 presidential election versus James Garfield.


thespoof--2020-12-18--Kansas Refuses To Ban The Words Vagina & Penis

TOPEKA , Kansas – ( Satire News ) – An evangelical group calling itself The Anti-Democratic Crusaders , has been trying for the past four years to get the words vagina and penis , banned from public places in Iowa , such as nail salons , strip lounges , massage parlors , and corn factories .
The group that priests , rabbis , and even preachers have called extreme right wing nuts , are just Sunday worshippers who have long ago abandoned the 10 Commandments .
One priest , Father Elvis , 53 , of Our Lady of The Drained @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Anti-Democratic Crusaders are just one level below the Ku Klux Klan .
The Kansas senate finally voted on banning the V word and the P word , and the vote was 97-3 against banning the words .
Senator McKenna P. Azusa9 declared that he has been an evangelical since he was 10 months old .
He divulged that the ADCers are the type of arrogant hypocrites whose ancestors had slaves , and who still believe that all that women were meant to do , was to churn butter , plow the cornfields , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ or so .

TOPEKA, Kansas – (Satire News) – An evangelical group calling itself The Anti-Democratic Crusaders, has been trying for the past four years to get the words vagina and penis, banned from public places in Iowa, such as nail salons, strip lounges, massage parlors, and corn factories.
The group that priests, rabbis, and even preachers have called extreme right wing nuts, are just Sunday worshippers who have long ago abandoned the 10 Commandments.
One priest, Father Elvis, 53, of Our Lady of The Drained Swamp Church, even stated that the Anti-Democratic Crusaders are just one level below the Ku Klux Klan.
The Kansas senate finally voted on banning the V word and the P word, and the vote was 97-3 against banning the words.
Senator McKenna P. Azusa9 declared that he has been an evangelical since he was 10 months old.
He divulged that the ADCers are the type of arrogant hypocrites whose ancestors had slaves, and who still believe that all that women were meant to do, was to churn butter, plow the cornfields, and pop out younguns every 10 months or so.


thespoof--2020-12-18--'Singa along 'a Don' - Trump's new Christmas album 'the greatest ever', he says

And now this .
The outgoing President and his team have recorded a host of revamped Christmas melodies and smashed into the Billboard charts at No .
1 .
Together with Melania , Rudy G. , Kayleigh Mac and the Ivanka Clan , Donald has created an unforgettable new turn on yuletide with his album 'Sing along ' a Don ' .
Tracks include a re-texted version of the Dean Martin classic , 'Let it snow ' : The poll it was rigged and illicit .
And the White House , I will miss it .
But I never felt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it snow , let it snow , let it snow .
And , of course , the Holly and the Ivy : The Biden and the Harris When they are sworn in soon .
There 'll be hell to pay .
I wo n't go away .
And in 4 years I 'll be back ... .
Rudy Giuliani and Kayley Mac warble the carol , '12 days of Christmas ' , starting off with ... : On the first day of Christmas , my true love gave to me A manual on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ day of Christmas , my true love gave to me Two red hair dyes and a manual on lies and deceit .
On the third day of Christmas , my true love gave to me , Three henchmen , two red hair dyes and a manual on lies and deceit .
On the fourth day of Christmas , my true love gave to me Four ugly crooks , three henchmen , two red hair dyes and a manual on lies an deceit .
On the fifth day of Christmas , my true love @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Four ugly crooks , three henchmen , two red hair dyes and a manual on lies and deceit .
and on the sixth day ...
The First Lady , Melania , sings a heartwarming rendition of 'Once in Royal Barron 's City ' with her son , while Michael Pence and Mike Pompeo lend their vocal chords to Good King Wencelas , of course re-sung as 'Good King Donald last looked out on the feast of Biden ... ' Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner can be heard humming the tune of 'White Christmas @ @ @ @ @ @ @ incorrectness .
But hey , this album takes you to places you 've never been , and will never want to go back to .
The ideal gift for your dog ...

And now this. The outgoing President and his team have recorded a host of revamped Christmas melodies and smashed into the Billboard charts at No. 1.
Together with Melania, Rudy G., Kayleigh Mac and the Ivanka Clan, Donald has created an unforgettable new turn on yuletide with his album 'Sing along 'a Don'.
Tracks include a re-texted version of the Dean Martin classic, 'Let it snow':
The poll it was rigged and illicit.
And the White House, I will miss it.
But I never felt so damn low.
So, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
And, of course, the Holly and the Ivy:
The Biden and the Harris
When they are sworn in soon.
There'll be hell to pay.
I won't go away.
And in 4 years I'll be back....
Rudy Giuliani and Kayley Mac warble the carol, '12 days of Christmas', starting off with...:
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A manual on lies and deceit.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two red hair dyes
and a manual on lies and deceit.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three henchmen, two red hair dyes
and a manual on lies and deceit.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four ugly crooks, three henchmen, two red hair dyes
and a manual on lies an deceit.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five specious tales!
Four ugly crooks, three henchmen, two red hair dyes
and a manual on lies and deceit.
and on the sixth day...
The First Lady, Melania, sings a heartwarming rendition of 'Once in Royal Barron's City' with her son, while Michael Pence and Mike Pompeo lend their vocal chords to Good King Wencelas, of course re-sung as 'Good King Donald last looked out on the feast of Biden...'
Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner can be heard humming the tune of 'White Christmas' to avoid any claims of political incorrectness. But hey, this album takes you to places you've never been, and will never want to go back to. The ideal gift for your dog...


thespoof--2020-12-19--Trump, Graham and Paul: “Very Unfair that Democrats are Allowed to Vote in Elections”

Washington - In separate speeches or tweets this week , many Republicans are bemoaning the fact that so many Democrats @ @ @ @ @ vote in the last election for president .
After his attempts to have ballots thrown @ @ @ @ @ cities like Philadelphia , Detroit and Milwaukee , while still counting nearby white areas , @ @ @ @ @ that he “ did more for black people than any president since Lincoln ” , @ @ @ @ @ been robbed .
Senators Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham also chimed in on the controversy @ @ @ @ @ trend of minorities doing their civic duties was bad for the GOP and must be @ @ @ @ @ nation were left wondering how they could ever make America great again until they could @ @ @ @ @ like they did a hundred years ago when America was great .

Washington - In separate speeches or tweets this week, many Republicans are bemoaning the fact that so many Democrats found it relatively easy to vote in the last election for president.
After his attempts to have ballots thrown out in predominantly African American cities like Philadelphia, Detroit and Milwaukee, while still counting nearby white areas, Trump, who once said that he “did more for black people than any president since Lincoln”, still insisted that he had been robbed.
Senators Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham also chimed in on the controversy, both saying that the trend of minorities doing their civic duties was bad for the GOP and must be stopped.
Republicans across the nation were left wondering how they could ever make America great again until they could stop African Americans from voting like they did a hundred years ago when America was great.


thespoof--2020-12-19--Trump Told By Angela Merkel: "It's Time To Go!"

Germany 's leader , Angela Merkel , has informed the US president , Donald Trump , that she has had enough , the world is fed up , the game is over , `` und , Mein Gott ! ''
it 's time for him to go .
Or it be in January .
Trump was beaten hands-down , fairly and squarely , by Joe Biden in last month 's US presidential election , but , despite his many lawsuits citing `` rigged voting '' being thrown out by the courts , and despite the electoral college ratifying Mr. Biden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ refusing to acknowledge defeat .
Frau Merkel , however , urged Trump to `` give up , and step down '' , in order to save a few shreds of dignity and preserve the worldwide image of US politics - if it is n't too late already .
According to political analysts , however , Merkel 's heartfelt plea is likely to be ignored by Mr. Trump , who now has absolutely nothing whatsoever to lose , not even 'face ' .
Through his banal behavior since losing to Biden , which has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mom wo n't buy him an ice-cream , Trump has even managed to alienate many in the Republican party , who would gladly buy him the ice-cream , if only he would choke on it , and expire .
The clock is ticking in the countdown to January 20 .

Germany's leader, Angela Merkel, has informed the US president, Donald Trump, that she has had enough, the world is fed up, the game is over, "und, Mein Gott!" it's time for him to go.
Or it will be in January.
Trump was beaten hands-down, fairly and squarely, by Joe Biden in last month's US presidential election, but, despite his many lawsuits citing "rigged voting" being thrown out by the courts, and despite the electoral college ratifying Mr. Biden's victory, Mr. Trump is steadfastly refusing to acknowledge defeat.
Frau Merkel, however, urged Trump to "give up, and step down", in order to save a few shreds of dignity and preserve the worldwide image of US politics - if it isn't too late already.
According to political analysts, however, Merkel's heartfelt plea is likely to be ignored by Mr. Trump, who now has absolutely nothing whatsoever to lose, not even 'face'.
Through his banal behavior since losing to Biden, which has resembled that of a small boy whose mom won't buy him an ice-cream, Trump has even managed to alienate many in the Republican party, who would gladly buy him the ice-cream, if only he would choke on it, and expire.
The clock is ticking in the countdown to January 20.


thespoof--2020-12-19--Ivanka Trump Has Been Forced Into Rehab

Ivanka Trump Has Been Forced Into Rehab

PISCATAWAY , New Jersey – ( Satire News ) – iRumors has stated that the President ’ s favorite child , Ivanka , has been forced into rehab .
Ivanka 's husband , the sissified , Jared Kushner , told iRumors that he had to forcibly carry the 6-foot-tall , middleaged Barbie into the Lindsay Lohan Rehab Center .
Jared , who is physically weaker than 72 % of all American women , said that he actually had to have her two brothers and Kimberly Guilfoyle help him carry Ivanka into the building , as she was kicking and screaming @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ m Ivanka Trump , I ’ m going to be the next fucking president of the United States of Trump !
” Her husband revealed that , since her daddy lost the presidential election fair and square , the woman that Nancy Pelosi calls the human giraffe has just not been the same .
Jar Jar , as Melania calls Kushner , noted that , for example , Ivanka has now gone down from 3 to 1 orgasms per sexual session .
He also revealed that she has stopped getting her bi-weekly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ smoking Cohiba Siglo VI cigars , and drinking a fifth of Johnnie Walker Red daily .
But the thing that really got Jared extremely concerned , was when one day while they were having dinner , she looked him in the eye and said that , if she wasn ’ t married to him , she would want to be married to Rudy Giuliani .
The next morning , Jared called Eric , Don Jr. , and Kimberly to have an Ivanka intervention .

PISCATAWAY, New Jersey – (Satire News) – iRumors has stated that the President’s favorite child, Ivanka, has been forced into rehab.
Ivanka's husband, the sissified, Jared Kushner, told iRumors that he had to forcibly carry the 6-foot-tall, middleaged Barbie into the Lindsay Lohan Rehab Center.
Jared, who is physically weaker than 72% of all American women, said that he actually had to have her two brothers and Kimberly Guilfoyle help him carry Ivanka into the building, as she was kicking and screaming, “Hey, bitches, I’m Ivanka Trump, I’m going to be the next fucking president of the United States of Trump!”
Her husband revealed that, since her daddy lost the presidential election fair and square, the woman that Nancy Pelosi calls the human giraffe has just not been the same.
Jar Jar, as Melania calls Kushner, noted that, for example, Ivanka has now gone down from 3 to 1 orgasms per sexual session.
He also revealed that she has stopped getting her bi-weekly bikini wax, and she has started smoking Cohiba Siglo VI cigars, and drinking a fifth of Johnnie Walker Red daily.
But the thing that really got Jared extremely concerned, was when one day while they were having dinner, she looked him in the eye and said that, if she wasn’t married to him, she would want to be married to Rudy Giuliani.
The next morning, Jared called Eric, Don Jr., and Kimberly to have an Ivanka intervention.


thespoof--2020-12-19--13,000 U.S. Psychiatrists All Agree That Trump Is Totally Bat Shit Crazy

CHICAGO – ( Satire News ) – American Spotlight Magazine is reporting that a poll was recently taken of 13,000 of the most respected and reputable psychiatrists in the nation .
The results unequivocally showed what just about everyone in the country , minus the 24,000 , or so stubborn , die-hard , # LoserTrump followers incorrectly think .
And that is that Trump is now 100 % bat shit crazy !
Yes , they all agree that the 45th president of the United States , the man that Russian President Putin is now calling “ The Pee Pee Tape @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cruelest , most racist person on earth since Adolf Hitler .
But , as Trump-hater GOP pundit Ann Coulter recently stated on the Howard Stern Show , let ’ s all just wait and see how racist , Trumpola is going to be when he ends up in Sing Sing Federal Prison with the likes of big Colin Kaepernick fans like Tayshon , DeMarco , and LaBubba .
Coulter said that the bruthas will be having “ Pussy Face ” singing , the Helen Reddy hit , “ I Am Woman ” before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ m f*ck*d !
!
!
”

CHICAGO – (Satire News) – American Spotlight Magazine is reporting that a poll was recently taken of 13,000 of the most respected and reputable psychiatrists in the nation.
The results unequivocally showed what just about everyone in the country, minus the 24,000, or so stubborn, die-hard, #LoserTrump followers incorrectly think.
And that is that Trump is now 100% bat shit crazy!
Yes, they all agree that the 45th president of the United States, the man that Russian President Putin is now calling “The Pee Pee Tape President”, is the meanest, cruelest, most racist person on earth since Adolf Hitler.
But, as Trump-hater GOP pundit Ann Coulter recently stated on the Howard Stern Show, let’s all just wait and see how racist, Trumpola is going to be when he ends up in Sing Sing Federal Prison with the likes of big Colin Kaepernick fans like Tayshon, DeMarco, and LaBubba.
Coulter said that the bruthas will be having “Pussy Face” singing, the Helen Reddy hit, “I Am Woman” before he can say “Oh shit, I’m f*ck*d!!!”


thespoof--2020-12-19--Cure For Chapped Lips Announced Today: Chicken Manure

BILLINGSGATE POST : Funky Home Meds , a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Funky Corporation , announced today that the FDA has approved their savory salve ointment that they claim will make chapped lips a thing of the past .
Freida Funk , heir apparent to the Funk family fortune , but no relation to professional golfer , Fred Funk , was the one who made this happen .
Freida , whose chicken lips were once favorably compared to the beak of the late Foghorn Leghorn , discovered this remedy quite by accident .
After suffering since puberty with the affliction @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a fortuitous accident that changed her life forever .
While visiting the Funk family farm , she tripped over a 400-pound sow and landed face down in a glob of chicken manure .
Picking herself up , she noticed that she had not licked her lips lately , and that her bad case of cheilitis seemed better .
Putting two and two together , she understood the significance of her discovery .
On every package , you will see the slogan : “ Chicken shit may not cure chapped lips , but it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” Slim : “ The simplicity of it makes science seem simple .
Also , nice use of alliteration .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Funky Home Meds, a wholly-owned subsidiary of The Funky Corporation, announced today that the FDA has approved their savory salve ointment that they claim will make chapped lips a thing of the past.
Freida Funk, heir apparent to the Funk family fortune, but no relation to professional golfer, Fred Funk, was the one who made this happen. Freida, whose chicken lips were once favorably compared to the beak of the late Foghorn Leghorn, discovered this remedy quite by accident.
After suffering since puberty with the affliction known medically as cheilitis, Frieda had a fortuitous accident that changed her life forever. While visiting the Funk family farm, she tripped over a 400-pound sow and landed face down in a glob of chicken manure.
Picking herself up, she noticed that she had not licked her lips lately, and that her bad case of cheilitis seemed better. Putting two and two together, she understood the significance of her discovery. On every package, you will see the slogan:
“Chicken shit may not cure chapped lips, but it sure keeps you from lickin' 'em.”
Slim: “The simplicity of it makes science seem simple. Also, nice use of alliteration.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I’m calling my stockbroker today. Sell Tesla and buy chicken shit.”


thespoof--2020-12-19--People No Longer Ask If Trump Is Off His Rocker

People no longer ask whether Donald Trump could be off his rocker ( and they don ’ t mean rocking-chair ) .
With his grotesque attempt to reverse the people 's will and the 2020 election , they now view Trump as three clicks removed from reality .
Numerous futile attempts before the Supreme Court suggest the need for a revolving door , instead of the wall .
Soon , Trump ’ s lawyers will be using the dog-bite excuse .
Trump ’ s reverse election fever has become contagious .
106 Republican House members also caught the bug , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to petition the Supreme Court to overturn the election results of Wisconsin , Michigan , Pennsylvania , and Georgia .
While still claiming it was a rigged election , Trump is also attempting to hustle up new seasons of The Apprentice .
As James Carville might say , “ That dog won ’ t hunt.
” And how could Trump present himself as a successful deal maker , when he couldn ’ t even win reelection ?
Obviously , Trump was the apprentice at the White House , but he got fired .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ nasty enough example of a sore loser , and poor sport , and removed from reality , along comes Trump ’ s former national security advisor Michael Flynn , who twice pleaded guilty to lying about a Russian contact ( and pardoned by Trump ) Flynn recommended that Trump impose martial law and have the Military hold a national re-vote .
Editor ’ s note : You are making that up .
Setting Trump back on his rocker at Mar-a-Lago is the best way to go .
Read more by this author : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

People no longer ask whether Donald Trump could be off his rocker (and they don’t mean rocking-chair). With his grotesque attempt to reverse the people's will and the 2020 election, they now view Trump as three clicks removed from reality.
Numerous futile attempts before the Supreme Court suggest the need for a revolving door, instead of the wall. Soon, Trump’s lawyers will be using the dog-bite excuse.
Trump’s reverse election fever has become contagious. 106 Republican House members also caught the bug, signing up with the state of Texas to petition the Supreme Court to overturn the election results of Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Georgia.
The Supreme Court said, “Get outta here.”
While still claiming it was a rigged election, Trump is also attempting to hustle up new seasons of The Apprentice. As James Carville might say, “That dog won’t hunt.”
And how could Trump present himself as a successful deal maker, when he couldn’t even win reelection? Obviously, Trump was the apprentice at the White House, but he got fired.
That dog really won’t hunt.
If the above wasn’t a nasty enough example of a sore loser, and poor sport, and removed from reality, along comes Trump’s former national security advisor Michael Flynn, who twice pleaded guilty to lying about a Russian contact (and pardoned by Trump) Flynn recommended that Trump impose martial law and have the Military hold a national re-vote.
Editor’s note: You are making that up.
Reply: No.
Setting Trump back on his rocker at Mar-a-Lago is the best way to go.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-18--President Trump Says He Has The Right to Sell The White House

BALTIMORE – ( Satire News ) – President Trump traveled to Baltimore to see a hair specialist about getting some @ @ @ @ @ ’ s no secret that his hair is getting thinner and thinner with each 50 @ @ @ @ @ Even his wife , Melania , has told him that he needs to start putting @ @ @ @ @ , so it doesn ’ t end up looking like he rubbed tomato juice on @ @ @ @ @ was in town , a local reporter for Channel 101 ’ s Eyewitness News asked @ @ @ @ @ packed and ready to leave the White House .
He angrily replied that he does @ @ @ @ @ and added that he is in the process of having the place put on the @ @ @ @ @ he had no right to sell something that belongs to the American people , he @ @ @ @ @ is still president , he can sell whatever the hell he wants to sell , @ @ @ @ @ , the Grand Canyon , and Yankee Stadium .

BALTIMORE – (Satire News) – President Trump traveled to Baltimore to see a hair specialist about getting some much-needed hair implants.
It’s no secret that his hair is getting thinner and thinner with each 50 lies that he tells.
Even his wife, Melania, has told him that he needs to start putting sun block on his head, so it doesn’t end up looking like he rubbed tomato juice on his skull.
While he was in town, a local reporter for Channel 101’s Eyewitness News asked him if he was all packed and ready to leave the White House.
He angrily replied that he does not plan to vacate, and added that he is in the process of having the place put on the market.
When told that he had no right to sell something that belongs to the American people, he explained that, since he is still president, he can sell whatever the hell he wants to sell, including the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Canyon, and Yankee Stadium.