thespoof--2020-07-11--Claudia Conway to Write a Tell-All Book About President Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The daughter of Kellyanne and George Conway has just signed a multi-million dollar deal , for a tell-all-book on President Trump .
The tentative title is `` Donald J. Trump Bounced Me On His Knee Way Too Many Times '' .
Claudia has gained national notoriety with her anti-Trump blog , which her father loves , but that her mother hates even more than she hates a yeast infection .
The Conways ' daughter has known Trump ever since she was a little girl , when Trump used to visit the Conway household and bounce her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time he was bouncing her on his knee while singing a song by Petula Clark , and he dropped her .
She said she remembers him yelling at her , and saying it was her fault because she sneezed and got wet stuff all over his $ 4,000 imported Chinese Emperor Foo-Foo shirt .
The little authoress will include in her book that `` Trumpette '' , as he liked to be called back then , had a secret crush on Hillary Clinton , which he will adamantly deny until his lying tongue @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out her mom and Trump used to play Spin-the-Bottle after DJT would empty it – back during his vodka-drinking , skirt-chasing , Flintstone Vitamin-popping bachelor days .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The daughter of Kellyanne and George Conway has just signed a multi-million dollar deal, for a tell-all-book on President Trump.
The tentative title is "Donald J. Trump Bounced Me On His Knee Way Too Many Times".
Claudia has gained national notoriety with her anti-Trump blog, which her father loves, but that her mother hates even more than she hates a yeast infection.
The Conways' daughter has known Trump ever since she was a little girl, when Trump used to visit the Conway household and bounce her on his knee.
She recalls one time he was bouncing her on his knee while singing a song by Petula Clark, and he dropped her.
She said she remembers him yelling at her, and saying it was her fault because she sneezed and got wet stuff all over his $4,000 imported Chinese Emperor Foo-Foo shirt.
Claudia vividly remembers Trump was not wearing a shirt.
The little authoress will include in her book that "Trumpette", as he liked to be called back then, had a secret crush on Hillary Clinton, which he will adamantly deny until his lying tongue falls off.
Claudia will also point out her mom and Trump used to play Spin-the-Bottle after DJT would empty it – back during his vodka-drinking, skirt-chasing, Flintstone Vitamin-popping bachelor days.


thespoof--2020-07-11--Historical Experts Predict That Within a Year There Won't Be a Single Statue Left Anywhere in the US

Historical Experts Predict That Within a Year There Won't Be a Single Statue Left Anywhere in the USA

CHICAGO – Historical experts are really concerned that the way that statues are being torn down and taken down , @ @ @ @ @ too long before the nation ’ s statues are all gone .
They noted that @ @ @ @ @ Confederate General Robert E. Lee , 19 have already been destroyed , either by being @ @ @ @ @ with hammers , crowbars , and drills , or simply shot all-to-hell with a 12-guage @ @ @ @ @ immune to the statue-killers , as evidenced by the destruction of statues of Columbus , @ @ @ @ @ Pinocchio , and even Pope Francis ’ pet penguin “ Panchito Pinguino '' .
Amazingly @ @ @ @ @ statue that no one has even remotely tried to mess with , and it sits @ @ @ @ @ .
The statue depicts the godfather of the notorious Goombalini Mafia crime family , Salvatore @ @

CHICAGO – Historical experts are really concerned that the way that statues are being torn down and taken down, it won’t be too long before the nation’s statues are all gone.
They noted that out of 27 statues of Confederate General Robert E. Lee, 19 have already been destroyed, either by being pulled down, blasted away with hammers, crowbars, and drills, or simply shot all-to-hell with a 12-guage shotgun.
No statue is immune to the statue-killers, as evidenced by the destruction of statues of Columbus, Hiawatha, Ann Coulter, Pinocchio, and even Pope Francis’ pet penguin “Panchito Pinguino".
Amazingly, there is actually one statue that no one has even remotely tried to mess with, and it sits in a park in Brooklyn.
The statue depicts the godfather of the notorious Goombalini Mafia crime family, Salvatore Goombalini.


thespoof--2020-07-12--Blacks Criticized For Dressing In Whiteface

The Black Lives Matter organization has come under heavy criticism this afternoon , after several of its members were seen in broad daylight dressing up as White people .
The scene was Washington , DC , at an event organized in support of the election campaign of the pop star , Kanye West .
Recent troubles between the police and Black communities have resulted in riots and looting , and the BLM has seized its opportunity to bring what it says is 'widespread oppression ' to the notice of a worldwide audience .
Today , a large crowd listened to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and was entertained by about 50 Black men and women singing and dancing , and sporting Whiteface .
But a local White Power group said that , just as White people wearing Blackface would be considered racist , so should Black people wearing Whiteface .
One man , wearing a MAGA cap , moaned : '' If it 's good for the moose , it 's good for the panda , and so on ! ''
One attendee laughed at this suggestion .
She said : '' There 's nothing racist in putting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's just a bit of fun . ''
`` Why so serious ?
It 's just a show !
There are White people in the crowd as well .
We are all together in this.You 're reading too much into it ! ''
`` I 'm wearing Whiteface , but I resent the implication that I 'm racist .
It 's just a joke .
I have White neighbors , and several of my friends are White .
There 's nobody less racist than me . ''

The Black Lives Matter organization has come under heavy criticism this afternoon, after several of its members were seen in broad daylight dressing up as White people.
The scene was Washington, DC, at an event organized in support of the election campaign of the pop star, Kanye West.
Recent troubles between the police and Black communities have resulted in riots and looting, and the BLM has seized its opportunity to bring what it says is 'widespread oppression' to the notice of a worldwide audience.
Today, a large crowd listened to rousing speeches in support of BLM, and was entertained by about 50 Black men and women singing and dancing, and sporting Whiteface.
But a local White Power group said that, just as White people wearing Blackface would be considered racist, so should Black people wearing Whiteface. One man, wearing a MAGA cap, moaned:
"If it's good for the moose, it's good for the panda, and so on!"
One attendee laughed at this suggestion. She said:
"There's nothing racist in putting on a bit of powder. It's just a bit of fun."
Another laughed:
"Why so serious? It's just a show! There are White people in the crowd as well. We are all together in this.You're reading too much into it!"
And BLM representative, John Brown, said:
"I'm wearing Whiteface, but I resent the implication that I'm racist. It's just a joke. I have White neighbors, and several of my friends are White. There's nobody less racist than me."


thespoof--2020-07-12--The Lincoln Project – Our Goal is Getting President Bone Spurs the Heck out of the White House

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The biggest thorn in Trump ’ s side is not the ghost of Stormy Daniels , or little Claudia Conway , or even Don Lemon .
The biggest , most boisterous , anti-Trump organization in the entire country is The Lincoln Project , who many say will be the saviors of this nation .
The Lincoln Project , which is headed by George Conway , is showcasing each one of the `` Liar-in-Chief 's '' more than 18,000 lies !
And , ironically , George Conway is married to Kellyanne Conway , who is Trump 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and number one back-scratcher ( literally ) .
George has made it his 2020 goal to make sure that POTUS exits the White House in mid-January of 2021 , and moves down to Mar-a-Lago , where a meteorite is scheduled to hit around the middle of ... January .
Conway recently told Jimmy Kimmel that he has , in his possession , dozens of text messages that Trump sent to his wife , which include such words as 'cutie pie ' , 'volcano lips ' , 'hot hips ' , and 'landing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , he simply replied : “ In good time.
” He then added that Trump will not be able to brush it off as a joke , or a lie , or even use the lame excuse that his dog ate it .
Good old George grinned and said , `` so , as they say in Germany…the walls are closing in . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The biggest thorn in Trump’s side is not the ghost of Stormy Daniels, or little Claudia Conway, or even Don Lemon.
The biggest, most boisterous, anti-Trump organization in the entire country is The Lincoln Project, who many say will be the saviors of this nation.
The Lincoln Project, which is headed by George Conway, is showcasing each one of the "Liar-in-Chief's" more than 18,000 lies!
And, ironically, George Conway is married to Kellyanne Conway, who is Trump's number one adviser, number one counselor, and number one back-scratcher (literally).
George has made it his 2020 goal to make sure that POTUS exits the White House in mid-January of 2021, and moves down to Mar-a-Lago, where a meteorite is scheduled to hit around the middle of...January.
Conway recently told Jimmy Kimmel that he has, in his possession, dozens of text messages that Trump sent to his wife, which include such words as 'cutie pie', 'volcano lips', 'hot hips', and 'landing strip'.
When asked to explain, he simply replied: “In good time.” He then added that Trump will not be able to brush it off as a joke, or a lie, or even use the lame excuse that his dog ate it.
Good old George grinned and said, "so, as they say in Germany…the walls are closing in."


thespoof--2020-07-12--Mayor Of New York City Manages To Cut The Crime Rate In Half

New York City ’ s most popular mayor of all time has made an announcement that he has come up with a plan to cut the city ’ s crime rate in half .
Addressing the press on the steps of the state house , mayor Bill de Blasio said the following : “ Okay , everybody , I have just implemented a plan that will cut all crime in New York City in half .
We are helping the police so that they do not have to respond to frivolous crimes by re-classifying them.
” “ From now on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as a felony , ” the mayor continued .
“ We will recategorize mugging as a financial transaction which is not illegal .
A financial transaction is a business deal between two complementary parties .
It is as simple as that .
This will free up police to perform duties that have been neglected , like enforcing parking tickets and littering , which are serious infractions that impact the quality of life for everyone .
“ Rape has been repurposed as an adult sexual game .
If you ever go to the website @ @ @ @ @ @ @ see categories with subjects such as bondage and domination to sado-masochism .
You look at these videos , and , man , that looks like someone might think it is rape , but it is not .
I watch those videos every night.
” “ Burglary will be renamed as a mental episode , as we know that this involves people who have the psychological disease of kleptomania .
Weekly therapy and the right medications will be the norm for this type of action.
” “ Lastly , we all know that what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ no more than home and business improvement .
As a matter of fact , the home owners or business owners are responsible for paying the handyman for his work.
” “ We will create an oversight committee to ensure the laws are properly enforced .
This new recategorizing will help the police department from becoming overworked.
” “ Another thing we have to do , is to ensure that all financial transactions are properly taxed.
” As of press time , the mayor insinuated that the crime of murder will be changed to @ @ @ @

New York City’s most popular mayor of all time has made an announcement that he has come up with a plan to cut the city’s crime rate in half. Addressing the press on the steps of the state house, mayor Bill de Blasio said the following:
“Okay, everybody, I have just implemented a plan that will cut all crime in New York City in half. We are helping the police so that they do not have to respond to frivolous crimes by re-classifying them.”
“From now on, we are getting rid of mugging as a felony,” the mayor continued. “We will recategorize mugging as a financial transaction which is not illegal. A financial transaction is a business deal between two complementary parties. It is as simple as that. This will free up police to perform duties that have been neglected, like enforcing parking tickets and littering, which are serious infractions that impact the quality of life for everyone.
“Rape has been repurposed as an adult sexual game. If you ever go to the website, Pork and Grind, you will see categories with subjects such as bondage and domination to sado-masochism. You look at these videos, and, man, that looks like someone might think it is rape, but it is not. I watch those videos every night.”
“Burglary will be renamed as a mental episode, as we know that this involves people who have the psychological disease of kleptomania. Weekly therapy and the right medications will be the norm for this type of action.”
“Lastly, we all know that what we have been labeling as vandalism is no more than home and business improvement. As a matter of fact, the home owners or business owners are responsible for paying the handyman for his work.”
“We will create an oversight committee to ensure the laws are properly enforced. This new recategorizing will help the police department from becoming overworked.”
“Another thing we have to do, is to ensure that all financial transactions are properly taxed.”
As of press time, the mayor insinuated that the crime of murder will be changed to a belated abortion.


thespoof--2020-07-13--President Trump Punches Woman In Face

President Trump Punches Woman In Face

There was trouble at the White House this morning , after President Donald Trump became angry with a woman journalist @ @ @ @ @ , and punched the woman full in the mouth .
White House security guards moved @ @ @ @ @ , as he raised his foot above her head , to stamp on it .
@ @ @ @ @ President 's ears , as it does from a boiling kettle .
The incident happened @ @ @ @ @ , Judy Jones , asked Mr. Trump if he would continue to wear a facemask @ @ @ @ @ been defeated .
`` Why , if the virus is dead ? ''
`` So @ @ @ @ @ have to listen to any more of your bare-faced lies . ''
Trump left his @ @ @ @ @ .
Police are investigating the legality of Miss Jones ' comment .

There was trouble at the White House this morning, after President Donald Trump became angry with a woman journalist, leapt from his podium, and punched the woman full in the mouth.
The woman was knocked unconscious.
White House security guards moved in quickly to restrain Trump, as he raised his foot above her head, to stamp on it.
Steam was pouring from the President's ears, as it does from a boiling kettle.
The incident happened as The Washington Nonsense reporter, Judy Jones, asked Mr. Trump if he would continue to wear a facemask even after the Coronavirus had been defeated.
He asked her:
"Why, if the virus is dead?"
She replied:
"So that the country doesn't have to listen to any more of your bare-faced lies."
Trump left his podium and began the assault.
Police are investigating the legality of Miss Jones' comment.


thespoof--2020-07-13--Kanye West Says He Wants To Become The First US President To Record A Number 1 Album

With US politics turning veritable somersaults during the last few years , latest 'contender for the crown ' , rapper , Kanye West , has said that , not only does he want to be America 's second black president , he also wants to make history as the first serving US president to record a number one-selling album .
To this end , he has already started writing lyrics for his new album .
West has grand plans for the redesigning of the interior of the White House .
He said , at the weekend , that he has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ idea for a state-of-the-art recording studio at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue , so that he can combine his two jobs .
He 's also hinted at a not-so-subtle color change for the paintwork .
`` After Reagan became the first movie star president , and Trump became the first TV star president , I want to become the first president to get an album to the top of the charts while I 'm running the country . ''
Political analysts are saying that , if Kanye is successful in his presidential bid , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ providing the opportunity for other would-be leaders such as Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg to do their thang..

With US politics turning veritable somersaults during the last few years, latest 'contender for the crown', rapper, Kanye West, has said that, not only does he want to be America's second black president, he also wants to make history as the first serving US president to record a number one-selling album.
To this end, he has already started writing lyrics for his new album.
West has grand plans for the redesigning of the interior of the White House. He said, at the weekend, that he has already had an architect work on an idea for a state-of-the-art recording studio at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, so that he can combine his two jobs.
He's also hinted at a not-so-subtle color change for the paintwork.
West said:
"After Reagan became the first movie star president, and Trump became the first TV star president, I want to become the first president to get an album to the top of the charts while I'm running the country."
Political analysts are saying that, if Kanye is successful in his presidential bid, the floodgates would then be flung open, providing the opportunity for other would-be leaders such as Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg to do their thang..


thespoof--2020-07-13--Rudy Giuliani Reveals What President Trump’s Tax Records Will Show

NEW YORK CITY – President Trump ’ s personal attorney , Segundo Juarez , says that he has designated Rudy @ @ @ @ @ of some of the items that the President ’ s tax returns will reveal .
@ @ @ @ @ York City remarked that one thing the tax records will show , is a donation @ @ @ @ @ Home For Unwed Mothers in the amount of $ 291,781 .
Another item that may @ @ @ @ @ American people , is that POTUS , through then-personal attorney Michael Cohen , paid $ @ @ @ @ @ in what he called a donation to her favorite charity , The Home For Comedians @ @ @ @ @ Surgery .
Giuliani stated that many will probably try to make a simple mountain out @ @ @ @ @ the President 's tax records .
Rudy says that he wants Democrats , Republicans , @ @ @ @ @ know that President Donald J. Trump is the least racist , racist that he has @ @ @ @ @ has known millions and millions of racists .

NEW YORK CITY – President Trump’s personal attorney, Segundo Juarez, says that he has designated Rudy Giuliani to inform the media of some of the items that the President’s tax returns will reveal.
The former mayor of New York City remarked that one thing the tax records will show, is a donation from Trump to The Moscow Home For Unwed Mothers in the amount of $291,781.
Another item that may be of interest to the American people, is that POTUS, through then-personal attorney Michael Cohen, paid $112,245 to Katy Griffin, in what he called a donation to her favorite charity, The Home For Comedians Who Need Funny Bone Replacement Surgery.
Giuliani stated that many will probably try to make a simple mountain out of a skin mole regarding the President's tax records.
Rudy says that he wants Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and atheists to know that President Donald J. Trump is the least racist, racist that he has ever known, and he has known millions and millions of racists.


thespoof--2020-07-13--Melania Trumps Says That She is 94% Sure That The President Will Drop Out of the Presidential Race

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Melania Trump , the woman who knows the President more than anyone else , has just made an astounding prediction .
The First Lady told Kitty Segovia , with the iNews Agency , that , in their 20 years of marriage , she has never seen her husband so depressed , so angry , so bitter , and so orange .
She said that it is a good thing that they do not have a dog , because the poor pooch would probably be treated like a soccer ball .
When asked why she feels 94 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out of the race , Melania simply said because of his ego .
She said that one thing that Donald does have that is actually big , is his ego .
She added that his ego is the size of former New Jersey Governor , Chris Christie .
Mrs. Trump took a little sip of her papaya margarita , and commented that she is so afraid , that , if he loses , he will go into a dark , stupor , funk , and , to safe face , he may just @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Melania Trump, the woman who knows the President more than anyone else, has just made an astounding prediction.
The First Lady told Kitty Segovia, with the iNews Agency, that, in their 20 years of marriage, she has never seen her husband so depressed, so angry, so bitter, and so orange.
She said that it is a good thing that they do not have a dog, because the poor pooch would probably be treated like a soccer ball.
When asked why she feels 94% certain that her husband will drop out of the race, Melania simply said because of his ego.
She said that one thing that Donald does have that is actually big, is his ego. She added that his ego is the size of former New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie.
Mrs. Trump took a little sip of her papaya margarita, and commented that she is so afraid, that, if he loses, he will go into a dark, stupor, funk, and, to safe face, he may just end up walking into the Atlantic Ocean.


thespoof--2020-07-14--Washington Under Pressure To Drop The Name 'Washington'

As the tidal wave of race equality surges on , gathering pace and momentum , it 's been revealed that very name of the capital , itself , is in the sights of the Black Lives Matter movement , and , some might say , with good cause .
Washington , DC , was named by , and after , the first president of the United States , George Washington , in 1790 , and has always been a source of pride to Americans - white Americans , at least .
But Washington 's inescapable connection with slavery has , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Washington inherited 84 slaves , and purchased at least 71 others to work his land .
He referred to slaves as ' a Specie of Property ' , and was known to provide only the basic minimum to ensure their survival .
Little wonder then , that his behavior towards Blacks , and his name being used in respect of the place where the seat of the US government is situated , does n't sit very well with many people .
`` We 've listened to the argument that 'slavery was ingrained @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ' , and that people today are not responsible for the actions of slave-owners 250 years ago , but , by holding onto the name of George Washington , we are upholding him as an example of what is right , and that wo n't do , I 'm afraid . ''

As the tidal wave of race equality surges on, gathering pace and momentum, it's been revealed that very name of the capital, itself, is in the sights of the Black Lives Matter movement, and, some might say, with good cause.
Washington, DC, was named by, and after, the first president of the United States, George Washington, in 1790, and has always been a source of pride to Americans - white Americans, at least.
But Washington's inescapable connection with slavery has, once again, raised its ugly head.
Washington inherited 84 slaves, and purchased at least 71 others to work his land. He referred to slaves as 'a Specie of Property', and was known to provide only the basic minimum to ensure their survival.
Little wonder then, that his behavior towards Blacks, and his name being used in respect of the place where the seat of the US government is situated, doesn't sit very well with many people.
A BLM spokesman said:
"We've listened to the argument that 'slavery was ingrained in the society of the 18th Century', and that people today are not responsible for the actions of slave-owners 250 years ago, but, by holding onto the name of George Washington, we are upholding him as an example of what is right, and that won't do, I'm afraid."
More protests are expected.


thespoof--2020-07-14--President Trump Incontinence Claim

President Trump Incontinence Claim

It 's been claimed in US political circles that the recent strange behavior and unexplained antics of President Donald Trump are down to a new health problem that he is experiencing - incontinence .
Trump , 74 , has been criticized all through his presidency , but even more so recently , after serious errors if judgement over the Coronavirus , and this has had a noticeable effect on his body language .
A stuttering , mincing walk across the White House lawn holding a bible aloft , a decidedly haggard and worn-out look during speeches , and the occasion @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gripped a glass of water with both hands , have got tongues wagging .
Now , comes the claim that the President 's cavalier attitude and total lack of restraint extends all the way down to his nether regions , where the lack of restraint is total .
Rumors about Trump wetting himself and inadvertently filling his pants have been circulating for weeks now , and when an unmarked white van was admitted to the White House grounds yesterday , and unloaded a consignment of diapers , those rumors appeared to be confirmed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the press if he knew anything about incontinence , the President retorted : '' I know what a continent is - America is a continent ! ''

It's been claimed in US political circles that the recent strange behavior and unexplained antics of President Donald Trump are down to a new health problem that he is experiencing - incontinence.
Trump, 74, has been criticized all through his presidency, but even more so recently, after serious errors of judgement over the Coronavirus, and this has had a noticeable effect on his body language.
A stuttering, mincing walk across the White House lawn holding a bible aloft, a decidedly haggard and worn-out look during speeches, and the occasion where he looked unsure of himself and gripped a glass of water with both hands, have got tongues wagging.
Now comes the claim that the President's cavalier attitude and total lack of restraint extends all the way down to his nether regions, where the lack of restraint is total.
Rumors about Trump wetting himself and inadvertently filling his pants have been circulating for weeks now, and when an unmarked white van was admitted to the White House grounds yesterday, and unloaded a consignment of diapers, those rumors appeared to be confirmed.
When asked by a member of the press if he knew anything about incontinence, the President retorted:
"I know what a continent is - America is a continent!"


thespoof--2020-07-13--‘Make America Covid Again is just a conspiracy theory’ said Tech Zillionaire Tesla Bezgate

Rumours that MACA will be launched this fall to maintain the recently boosted share price of various tech companies , can not be found anywhere on the internet .
‘ I have nothing to do with any ‘ track , trace and destroy ’ software that eliminates information about social networked rumours , ’ said Bezgate ’ s associate , Buck Zoogle .
‘ I have not taken advantage of Covid-19 , I have not gained from Covid-19 , I do not recognise Covid-19 as being beneficial to my business , ’ said Bezgate , or was it Buck Zoogle @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , profit increase and a rising share price , Covid-19 has done nothing for me.
’ An associated conspiracy theory suggests that Bezgate or Zoogle , or both , are one and the same person , as neither have ever been seen in the same room together at the same time .
Mr Zoogle denies this , saying he ’ s often in the same room at the same time as himself , and many other rooms at various other times , and he carries a full-length mirror to prove it to himself @ @ @ @ @ @ @ called Bezgate , as ‘ he is his own man and not amalgamated with anyone , ’ confirmed his attorney , Bezla Tesgate .
‘ The suggestion that anyone would plan to unleash this deadly Coronavirus into the atmosphere for business gain is nonsense , ’ said Zapple Bezooglesoft , ‘ and don ’ t include me in these conspiracies.
’ He then boarded a Blue X space rocket with Bezgate , Zoogle and Tesgate and all their families , two by two .

Rumours that MACA will be launched this fall to maintain the recently boosted share price of various tech companies, cannot be found anywhere on the internet.
‘I have nothing to do with any ‘track, trace and destroy’ software that eliminates information about social networked rumours,’ said Bezgate’s associate, Buck Zoogle.
‘I have not taken advantage of Covid-19, I have not gained from Covid-19, I do not recognise Covid-19 as being beneficial to my business,’ said Bezgate, or was it Buck Zoogle? ‘Apart from extra market share, profit increase and a rising share price, Covid-19 has done nothing for me.’
An associated conspiracy theory suggests that Bezgate or Zoogle, or both, are one and the same person, as neither have ever been seen in the same room together at the same time. Mr Zoogle denies this, saying he’s often in the same room at the same time as himself, and many other rooms at various other times, and he carries a full-length mirror to prove it to himself. He does deny ever meeting anyone called Bezgate, as ‘he is his own man and not amalgamated with anyone,’ confirmed his attorney, Bezla Tesgate.
‘The suggestion that anyone would plan to unleash this deadly Coronavirus into the atmosphere for business gain is nonsense,’ said Zapple Bezooglesoft, ‘and don’t include me in these conspiracies.’ He then boarded a Blue X space rocket with Bezgate, Zoogle and Tesgate and all their families, two by two.


thespoof--2020-07-14--‘Schindler’s List’ to be reimagined by sleazy director known for inappropriate shower scenes

Religious leaders are concerned about a ‘ Schindler 's List ’ remake from director Billy O ’ Lox , known for his infamous ‘ Mother Teresa - - the pole dancing years ’ .
“ I like to bring color , sparkle and a bit of razzmatazz to my films , but I ’ m not cheap , uncultured or sleazy , ” said Billy .
“ I tell you , that Mother Teresa biopic about the teenage Teri , as a pole-dancing , pregnant , single mum , recruited a whole new generation of young women to nunning.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ safety standards in Billy ’ s films , particularly in the cross-dressing ‘ Dalek mud-wrestles R2D2 ’ .
“ Now , to be fair , I thought the actors moved along with holes for their feet in the bottom of their mechanical costumes , ” said Billy .
“ I didn ’ t know they were connected to the mains when I switched on the shower.
” Concerns that Billy ’ s new film will be disrespectful and lack authenticity , began to surface when rumors leaked from the film set about sequined @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bubble machine .
“ I know the history , I ’ m not out to offend anyone , and I ’ ve learnt my lesson .
I ’ ve got taste and subtlety , as well as an eye for an alternative approach , ” he said .
“ I can see it in lights now - ‘ Schindler ’ s List - The Musical ’ .
”

Religious leaders are concerned about a ‘Schindler's List’ remake from director Billy O’Lox, known for his infamous ‘Mother Teresa - -
the pole dancing years’.
“I like to bring color, sparkle and a bit of razzmatazz to my films, but I’m not cheap, uncultured or sleazy,” said Billy. “I tell you, that Mother Teresa biopic about the teenage Teri, as a pole-dancing, pregnant, single mum, recruited a whole new generation of young women to nunning.”
There have also been allegations of questionable safety standards in Billy’s films, particularly in the cross-dressing ‘Dalek mud-wrestles R2D2’. “Now, to be fair, I thought the actors moved along with holes for their feet in the bottom of their mechanical costumes,” said Billy. “I didn’t know they were connected to the mains when I switched on the shower.”
Concerns that Billy’s new film will be disrespectful and lack authenticity, began to surface when rumors leaked from the film set about sequined costumes, mirror balls and a gigantic bubble machine.
“I know the history, I’m not out to offend anyone, and I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ve got taste and subtlety, as well as an eye for an alternative approach,” he said. “I can see it in lights now - ‘Schindler’s List - The Musical’.”


thespoof--2020-07-14--Obese Americans using golf carts around the house

Geoffcock Beauregarde Klump Junior III is a fat slob , and he proudly admits it .
He is also one of an increasing number of Americans who use their own form of private transport to get around the house .
`` The way I see it , '' slobbered the meat-faced chubster , between mouthfuls of burgers , `` if the Good Lord had intended us to walk , he would never have let us invent wheels . ''
Klump Junior III began his descent into gross slovenliness in the early 2000s , after purchasing a golf cart to help @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his large house in Atlanta , Georgia .
`` I 'd go to the ham fridge , then I 'd be too tired to walk to the beef fridge and back , so I just used my cart . ''
Like many fat , lazy Americans , Klump claims to be a keen golfer .
`` It 's a form of exercise , '' he says , although others have observed that he never actually leaves his golf cart , and plays shots while sitting in the reinforced front seat .
In 2015 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dangerously close to breaking , as it was unable to support his enormous and growing derriere .
However , he had recently moved into a larger mansion , so he decided to upgrade his house vehicle .
`` I got me a Winnebago , '' he drooled .
`` So now I drive to the larder in style . ''
Due to the size of his new motor-home-within-a-home , he uses a golf cart to get from the steering wheel of the Winnebago to the feeding trough he has installed at the back @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Now that 's class . ''

Geoffcock Beauregarde Klump Junior III is a fat slob, and he proudly admits it. He is also one of an increasing number of Americans who use their own form of private transport to get around the house.
"The way I see it," slobbered the meat-faced chubster, between mouthfuls of burgers, "if the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he would never have let us invent wheels."
Klump Junior III began his descent into gross slovenliness in the early 2000s, after purchasing a golf cart to help him move between the many fridges in his large house in Atlanta, Georgia. "I'd go to the ham fridge, then I'd be too tired to walk to the beef fridge and back, so I just used my cart."
Like many fat, lazy Americans, Klump claims to be a keen golfer. "It's a form of exercise," he says, although others have observed that he never actually leaves his golf cart, and plays shots while sitting in the reinforced front seat.
In 2015, he found that his cart was dangerously close to breaking, as it was unable to support his enormous and growing derriere. However, he had recently moved into a larger mansion, so he decided to upgrade his house vehicle. "I got me a Winnebago," he drooled. "So now I drive to the larder in style."
Due to the size of his new motor-home-within-a-home, he uses a golf cart to get from the steering wheel of the Winnebago to the feeding trough he has installed at the back.
Said one US observer, "Now that's class."


thespoof--2020-07-14--A DNA Professor States That Kayleigh McEnany Could Actually Be Trump’s Third Daughter

CARPINTERIA , California – Dr. Seraphina P. Acushnet , who is a DNA professor at Left Coast College , said @ @ @ @ @ that White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany may , in fact , be President Trump @ @ @ @ @ The professor said after conducting over 18 different DNA tests , results clearly show that @ @ @ @ @ chance that Kayleigh sprung from Trump ’ s loins .
Dr. Acushnet , pointed out @ @ @ @ @ ’ s second daughter , Tiffany Trump , and McEnany is positively stunning .
The @ @ @ @ @ the eyes , the color of the skin , the fingernail structure , the deviated @ @ @ @ @ the same exact snowflake-shaped birthmark on their upper left thigh .
When Trump was told @ @ @ @ @ , he replied that he has never , ever seen Kayleigh 's mother , and @ @ @ @ @ a 10 , he would not have even given her a second look , much @ @ @ @ @

CARPINTERIA, California – Dr. Seraphina P. Acushnet, who is a DNA professor at Left Coast College, said that she may have proof that White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany may, in fact, be President Trump’s third daughter.
The professor said after conducting over 18 different DNA tests, results clearly show that there is a 95% chance that Kayleigh sprung from Trump’s loins.
Dr. Acushnet, pointed out the amazing resemblance between Trump’s second daughter, Tiffany Trump, and McEnany is positively stunning.
The doctor noted the shape of the eyes, the color of the skin, the fingernail structure, the deviated tongue, as well as the same exact snowflake-shaped birthmark on their upper left thigh.
When Trump was told about this possible paternity matter, he replied that he has never, ever seen Kayleigh's mother, and if she isn’t a 10, he would not have even given her a second look, much less his boom boomies.


thespoof--2020-07-16--President Trump Scratches His Knackers

President Trump Scratches His Knackers

In news that some will find somewhat offensive , and others might regard as 'uncouth ' , it 's been @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump , scratched his testicles this morning .
Trump , whose every move is @ @ @ @ @ then scrutinized and analyzed by 'experts ' , arrived for his daily news conference , @ @ @ @ @ crotch region .
He screwed his eyes up a couple of times , grimaced , @ @ @ @ @ his right hand into his undercarriage , and gave it a right old gouge .
@ @ @ @ @ trick .
When one of the assembled journalists asked him if he was okay , @ @ @ @ @ shrieked like Michael Jackson used to do .

In news that some will find somewhat offensive, and others might regard as 'uncouth', it's been reported that US president, Donald Trump, scratched his testicles this morning.
Trump, whose every move is monitored by the media, then scrutinized and analyzed by 'experts', arrived for his daily news conference, and looked uncomfortable in the crotch region.
He screwed his eyes up a couple of times, grimaced, and winced, then put his right hand into his undercarriage, and gave it a right old gouge.
This seemed to do the trick.
When one of the assembled journalists asked him if he was okay, Trump grabbed his crotch and shrieked like Michael Jackson used to do.


thespoof--2020-07-16--Stories About Nothing Still Popular

Stories About Nothing Still Popular

A writer on a satirical news website has said that , contrary to popular belief - which is that people @ @ @ @ @ , celebrities , and overpaid spirts stars - many people are happy to spend their @ @ @ @ @ The claim , made in a forum comment at TheSpoof.com , hints that the genre @ @ @ @ @ is just as popular as 'news about something ' .
Some writers at the site @ @ @ @ @ and incessantly , stories about major politicians , celebrities , and sports stars , hoping @ @ @ @ @ searches for people or teams in those categories , might be fooled into clicking on @ @ @ @ @ are 'fake news ' .
A minority of other writers opt for 'news about nothing @ @ @ @ @ how many times their material is read , if it is read .
This , @ @ @ @ @ should be about current political issues , crammed full of insight and cutting-edge satire , @ @ @ @ @ of Donald Trump , skimpy bikinis , or Daisy Duke short shorts .

A writer on a satirical news website has said that, contrary to popular belief -
which is that people want to read about politicians, celebrities, and overpaid spirts stars - many people are happy to spend their time reading about nothing.
The claim, made in a forum comment at TheSpoof.com, hints that the genre of 'news about nothing' is just as popular as 'news about something'.
Some writers at the site choose to write, repeatedly and incessantly, stories about major politicians, celebrities, and sports stars, hoping that internet users, conducting searches for people or teams in those categories, might be fooled into clicking on those stories without realizing they are 'fake news'.
A minority of other writers opt for 'news about nothing', caring little for how many times their material is read, if it is read at all .
This, despite frequent criticism that stories should be about current political issues, crammed full of insight and cutting-edge satire, or be replete with mentions of Donald Trump, skimpy bikinis, or Daisy Duke short shorts.


thespoof--2020-07-15--President claims to have beaten world record in intelligence by identifying giraffe

Donald Trump has proved once again that he is the cleverest man on Earth , when he was shown a @ @ @ @ @ which he had never seen before , and recognised the animal .
`` It 's @ @ @ @ @ White House Doctor Geoff Brown .
`` His acuity of actuation is actually awesome .
@ @ @ @ @ `` They told me to say that . ''
Trump bragged that he aced a @ @ @ @ @ check his cognitive abilities were normal .
He said in an interview with Fox News @ @ @ @ @ one very recently when , you know , the radical left was saying , ‘ @ @ @ @ @ Is he all there ?
’ '' '' I got all them animoles , '' @ @ @ @ @ `` The jellyfunt and the rinoserious . ''
The Guinness Book of World Records announced @ @ @ @ @ by the President 's staff about whether he would win an award for his obviously @ @ @ @ @ Guinness staff member replied diplomatically , `` We 'll look into it . ''

Donald Trump has proved once again that he is the cleverest man on Earth, when he was shown a picture of a giraffe, which he had never seen before, and recognised the animal.
"It's truly unbelievable," said White House Doctor Geoff Brown. "His acuity of actuation is actually awesome."
He later admitted, "They told me to say that."
Trump bragged that he aced a test which was intended to check his cognitive abilities were normal. He said in an interview with Fox News, "I actually took one very recently when, you know, the radical left was saying, ‘Is he all there? Is he all there?’"
"I got all them animoles," he announced on Twitter. "The jellyfunt and the rinoserious."
The Guinness Book of World Records announced that they had been contacted by the President's staff about whether he would win an award for his obviously incredible mental abilities. A Guinness staff member replied diplomatically, "We'll look into it."


thespoof--2020-07-15--Alien Takeover: Trump, Politicians, and the Coronavirus

Physicist , parapsychologist , and ufologist , Dr. Stanton Marrs , has an explanation for the mess the United States finds itself in .
“ On one level , it ’ s easy to blame Trump and politicians , in general , for the COVID-19 disaster , and our nation ’ s pervasive political unrest .
Obviously , we are not on a good path .
At another level , there ’ s a deeper explanation that exonerates Trump and the other misfits who appear to be running our country.
” According to Marrs , what ’ s really happened @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Marrs has been studying UFO and alien activity for the past half century , and notes that the dramatic increase in their interest in earthlings indicates a possible alien takeover of our planet .
“ You look at what ’ s going on , and you have to wonder if Trump , Biden , Pelosi , and so many others are in ‘ outer space ’ , so to speak .
I don ’ t think that ’ s the case.
” He went on : “ The problem is not that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ problem is that outer space is in them.
” “ Aliens have the ability to take over your mind in a way that is similar to the way that a hacker can take over your computer .
They ’ ve obviously hijacked a bunch of politicians ’ minds .
I ’ m worried , because I am afraid they are taking over .
Maybe I ’ m wrong .
Hopefully , they are just playing with us.
” “ That ’ s an interesting theory , ” I said , “ but is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ m trained as a theoretical physicist , ” explained Marrs .
“ We don ’ t look for truth so much as we look for the best explanation that the data supports ; hopefully , the best explanation is the true one , but we ’ re always open to a better explanation.
” “ Can you offer a better explanation for current events ?
”

Physicist, parapsychologist, and ufologist, Dr. Stanton Marrs, has an explanation for the mess the United States finds itself in.
“On one level, it’s easy to blame Trump and politicians, in general, for the COVID-19 disaster, and our nation’s pervasive political unrest. Obviously, we are not on a good path. At another level, there’s a deeper explanation that exonerates Trump and the other misfits who appear to be running our country.”
According to Marrs, what’s really happened, is that aliens have taken over. Marrs has been studying UFO and alien activity for the past half century, and notes that the dramatic increase in their interest in earthlings indicates a possible alien takeover of our planet.
“You look at what’s going on, and you have to wonder if Trump, Biden, Pelosi, and so many others are in ‘outer space’, so to speak. I don’t think that’s the case.”
He went on:
“The problem is not that they are in outer space. The problem is that outer space is in them.”
Marrs explained:
“Aliens have the ability to take over your mind in a way that is similar to the way that a hacker can take over your computer. They’ve obviously hijacked a bunch of politicians’ minds. I’m worried, because I am afraid they are taking over. Maybe I’m wrong. Hopefully, they are just playing with us.”
“That’s an interesting theory,” I said, “but is it true?”
“I’m trained as a theoretical physicist,” explained Marrs. “We don’t look for truth so much as we look for the best explanation that the data supports; hopefully, the best explanation is the true one, but we’re always open to a better explanation.”
Dr. Marrs then asked me a concluding question:
“Can you offer a better explanation for current events?”


thespoof--2020-07-15--Trump White House Coverup, Again

Trump White House Coverup, Again

The latest attempt to coverup Donald Trump ’ s incompetence : Hospitals are ordered to send their coronavirus statistics to the White House instead of the CDC .
How come ?
Because the Trump White House is ( don ’ t laugh ) better able to disperse coronavirus information than the CDC .
Remember how Attorney General William Barr ’ s distorted the Mueller Report about Russian interference in the 2016 election before it was released ?
Barr said , “ Nothing to see here.
” More recently , the White House tried to silence and stop Mary Trump ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump took it to court .
Mary Trump prevailed .
Before that , it was world-renowned Dr. Anthony Fauci .
Dr. Fauci still ca n't be interviewed on CNN .
Freedom of Speech , where are you ?
Last seen , it was the 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the United States !
And Trump calls it fake news .
Anything from the White House press room or the Rose Garden is the real fake news .
And in the process , the White House press room and the Rose Garden are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
How are writers for The Spoof going to deal with this kind of competition ?
The White House is Spoofing their activities .
So Donald Trump sits in his Bunker trying to stop every leak of negative press coverage , which isn ’ t negative , but valid testimony of a circus-run White House and its collapsing administration , dictated by Ringmaster Trump .
Biden doesn ’ t have to campaign .
Trump is giving him the White House all tied up with a fancy red ribbon .
Read more by this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

The latest attempt to coverup Donald Trump’s incompetence: Hospitals are ordered to send their coronavirus statistics to the White House instead of the CDC.
How come? Because the Trump White House is (don’t laugh) better able to disperse coronavirus information than the CDC.
Remember how Attorney General William Barr’s distorted the Mueller Report about Russian interference in the 2016 election before it was released?
Barr said, “Nothing to see here.”
More recently, the White House tried to silence and stop Mary Trump’s book about her uncle. Uncle Trump took it to court. Mary Trump prevailed.
Before that, it was world-renowned Dr. Anthony Fauci. Dr. Fauci still can't be interviewed on CNN.
Freedom of Speech, where are you? Last seen, it was the 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the United States!
And Trump calls it fake news. Anything from the White House press room or the Rose Garden is the real fake news. And in the process, the White House press room and the Rose Garden are becoming stiff competition for The Spoof News. How are writers for The Spoof going to deal with this kind of competition?
The White House is Spoofing their activities.
So Donald Trump sits in his Bunker trying to stop every leak of negative press coverage, which isn’t negative, but valid testimony of a circus-run White House and its collapsing administration, dictated by Ringmaster Trump.
Biden doesn’t have to campaign. Trump is giving him the White House all tied up with a fancy red ribbon.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-15--Jail Guards Catch Sexual Predator Ghislaine Maxwell Trying to Dig a Tunnel in Her Jail Cell

BROOKLYN – A judge has denied alleged pervert Ghislaine Maxwell bail , saying she will quickly flee the country and @ @ @ @ @ many foreign mansions , including the Blimey Estate Mansion , located just outside of Liverpool @ @ @ @ @ reporting that the jail warden provided them video that shows Ghislaine in her jail cell @ @ @ @ @ sudden she takes out a lipstick from her ( blank ) and starts to try @ @ @ @ @ The warden said he showed the video to all the guards and 82 % of @ @ @ @ @ all laughed like hell .
One convict , Enzo Dupensino , ( # 76934 ) @ @ @ @ @ for stealing a police van , said , “ Wella wonna taing fora sure , @ @ @ @ @ n't never dunna bin in da hoosegow before . ''
When confronted with the video @ @ @ @ @ she was not trying to dig a tunnel , but was only practicing her lipstick @ @ @ @ @ from Nicki Minaj .

BROOKLYN – A judge has denied alleged pervert Ghislaine Maxwell bail, saying she will quickly flee the country and head for one of her many foreign mansions, including the Blimey Estate Mansion, located just outside of Liverpool.
The iNews Agency is reporting that the jail warden provided them video that shows Ghislaine in her jail cell, and all of a sudden she takes out a lipstick from her (blank) and starts to try to dig a tunnel.
The warden said he showed the video to all the guards and 82% of the inmates, and they all laughed like hell.
One convict, Enzo Dupensino, (#76934), who is in jail for stealing a police van, said, “Wella wonna taing fora sure, da flaky byatch she ain't never dunna bin in da hoosegow before."
When confronted with the video, Ms. Maxwell said that she was not trying to dig a tunnel, but was only practicing her lipstick art, which she learned from Nicki Minaj.


thespoof--2020-07-15--Update: Suicidal Man Seeks Coronavirus Infection

Madison Ave. , New York City .
Special to The Spoof .
That timid , despondent man who was sent to the psychiatric ward at Bellevue in May , after repeated attempts to contract the Covid-19 virus by hugging intensive care virus patients at Queens Hospital here , has a new problem , now that he has solved his financial difficulties and become rich .
Those Covid-19 patients he hugged are suing him .
The unidentified advertising executive in a so-so Madison Avenue firm , who had been furloughed without pay because ad sales were down in the pandemic , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Wyoming , who had come to New York to aid overworked medical professionals treating virus victims .
He appeared at the entry to Queens dressed in medical wear amid a flurry of reporters and TV cameras .
No one seemed to question his story , and he entered the hospital .
A half-hour later , a doctor called police when the man was seen hugging and kissing Covid-19 patients , particularly those who were coughing or sneezing .
The obviously-despondent man told police he was deeply in debt , had numerous bills @ @ @ @ @ @ @ too timid to commit suicide by gun , rope or poison .
So he figured he would die with the virus .
He had tried kissing women on the street , going to crowded hot tubs that were illegally open , and riding in standing room-only buses .
Nothing worked .
As a last resort , he tried the paramedic charade .
Examinations at Bellevue determined the man was full of antibodies that would forever prevent him from contracting Covid-19 .
As a result , various pharmaceutical labs and medical research schools offered @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on him , in an effort to learn more about the effect of the antibodies on the Coronavirus .
He eventually signed with Farma Labs for an amount reportedly in excess of one million dollars .
As of today , eleven patients have filed a class action suit seeking $ 10 million in damages and an undetermined amount for pain and anguish .
At last report , the ad exec was looking for a different virus to end his life .
He had booked passage on an airline to Wuhan , China , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more virulent strain of the virus , called Covid-20 , was guaranteed to kill him .

Madison Ave., New York City. Special to The Spoof. That timid, despondent man who was sent to the psychiatric ward at Bellevue in May, after repeated attempts to contract the Covid-19 virus by hugging intensive care virus patients at Queens Hospital here, has a new problem, now that he has solved his financial difficulties and become rich. Those Covid-19 patients he hugged are suing him.
The unidentified advertising executive in a so-so Madison Avenue firm, who had been furloughed without pay because ad sales were down in the pandemic, posed as a paramedic from Musk Ox, Wyoming, who had come to New York to aid overworked medical professionals treating virus victims. He appeared at the entry to Queens dressed in medical wear amid a flurry of reporters and TV cameras. No one seemed to question his story, and he entered the hospital. A half-hour later, a doctor called police when the man was seen hugging and kissing Covid-19 patients, particularly those who were coughing or sneezing.
The obviously-despondent man told police he was deeply in debt, had numerous bills coming due next week, and was too timid to commit suicide by gun, rope or poison. So he figured he would die with the virus. He had tried kissing women on the street, going to crowded hot tubs that were illegally open, and riding in standing room-only buses. Nothing worked. As a last resort, he tried the paramedic charade.
Examinations at Bellevue determined the man was full of antibodies that would forever prevent him from contracting Covid-19. As a result, various pharmaceutical labs and medical research schools offered him lucrative contracts to let them experiment on him, in an effort to learn more about the effect of the antibodies on the Coronavirus. He eventually signed with Farma Labs for an amount reportedly in excess of one million dollars.
As of today, eleven patients have filed a class action suit seeking $10 million in damages and an undetermined amount for pain and anguish. At last report, the ad exec was looking for a different virus to end his life. He had booked passage on an airline to Wuhan, China, where, reportedly, a new and more virulent strain of the virus, called Covid-20, was guaranteed to kill him.


thespoof--2020-07-16--President Trump’s Hair Morphs From Pumpkin Orange to Battleship Gray

WASHINGTON , D.C. – When President Trump stepped out onto the White House lawn , he was greeted with a lot of raised eyebrows .
Many of the reporters could be seen softly giggling , and one , CNN ’ s Jim Acosta , even pointed at Trump ’ s new gray-colored pompadour , shook his head , gave it a thumbs down , and then spit on the grass .
POTUS asked the reporters what they thought about his brand new re-election campaign hairdo .
No one answered , not even the ass-kisser from Fox News .
He looked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Mike Pence , Kellyanne Conway , Rudy Giuliani , Eric , and Scott Baio all told me they love it.
” He then said that Scotty even remarked that the new hair color makes him look like a very young Richard Gere .
A reporter with The Harlem Bro Yo Press asked Melania what she thought about the President ’ s new hair color .
She shook her head , and said “ Lem me say tu juice , dat hease drapes now mashes hease carpet .
I ’ m so berry @ @ @ @ @ @ @ dee batroom to bomit .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – When President Trump stepped out onto the White House lawn, he was greeted with a lot of raised eyebrows.
Many of the reporters could be seen softly giggling, and one, CNN’s Jim Acosta, even pointed at Trump’s new gray-colored pompadour, shook his head, gave it a thumbs down, and then spit on the grass.
POTUS asked the reporters what they thought about his brand new re-election campaign hairdo. No one answered, not even the ass-kisser from Fox News.
He looked stunned, and said, “Well, Mike Pence, Kellyanne Conway, Rudy Giuliani, Eric, and Scott Baio all told me they love it.”
He then said that Scotty even remarked that the new hair color makes him look like a very young Richard Gere.
A reporter with The Harlem Bro Yo Press asked Melania what she thought about the President’s new hair color. She shook her head, and said “Lemme say tu juice, dat hease drapes now mashes hease carpet. I’m so berry sorry, I has to go tu dee batroom to bomit.”


thespoof--2020-07-17--Trump Promotes More Mexican Products

Trump Promotes More Mexican Products

Washington , D.C. - After Trump gave his orange thumbs-up to GOYA beans and spices on Wednesday , White House pollsters surveyed a half percent favorability bump from Mexican/American voters .
With that news , Trump 's re-election team hit the ground running .
`` If we can get the boss to promote two hundred more Mexican products before election day , he could secure every Mexican vote in the country ! ''
said team leader Ben Azkizer .
Immediately they got to work , finding other products from south of the border for Trump to peddle .
Trump spent @ @ @ @ @ @ @ desk in the Oval Office , plugging products like Tito 's Sombreros , 'Nobody 's ever seen anything like Tito 's Sombreros ! '
they got the boss to say while listening to his daily defense briefing .
`` They are the numero uno ! ''
The team again noticed another half percent rise in the polls .
They were onto something .
`` Paco 's Piñatas '' pitched the boss on Twitter , `` people ask me all the time , what 's the best piñata , I tell them Paco 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ That got them another percentage point .
Trump had now nailed down over three percent of all Mexican voters .
This was going well !
Then the boss started to go off script .
'Jose 's Hammocks , ' hawked the POTUS , 'definitely not made by rapists and murderers ! '
Uh oh , the numbers were starting to slide the other way .
'Maria 's hand-woven rugs .
They do n't smell too bad , I guess ? '
Oh , no , the boss was losing steam for this project @ @ @ @ @ @ @ heading back into negative polling numbers quick .
They tried showing him all sorts of other Mexican products , from maracas to tequila , but the boss was losing interest .
The window was closing .
`` He perked up a bit after we showed him a Tijuana 'Donkey Show ' on Youtube , '' said Azkizer , `` but we could tell it was over .
The boss just could n't muster any more energy for courting the Latin voters .
He has a very busy schedule . ''
`` Oh well @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mid-western housewives between age 35 and 59 , '' said a deflated Azkizer , who could tell his job was now on the line .
Then Azkizer had an amazing idea , a career-changer .
Maybe there was a way to court both the Mexican vote and the Middle America home-makers vote at the same time .
'Dear lord , please let this work , ' prayed a mask-less Azkizer before entering the Oval Office late Thursday afternoon .
'Try El Chapo 's methamphetamine 's !
People ca n't believe how great they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ something ! '
`` Slam Dunk , Trump 2020 ! ''
Azkizer said , high-fiving his team after the meeting .

Washington, D.C. - After Trump gave his orange thumbs-up to GOYA beans and spices on Wednesday, White House pollsters surveyed a half percent favorability bump from Mexican/American voters.
With that news, Trump's re-election team hit the ground running. "If we can get the boss to promote two hundred more Mexican products before election day, he could secure every Mexican vote in the country!" said team leader Ben Azkizer.
Immediately they got to work, finding other products from south of the border for Trump to peddle.
Trump spent most of Thursday morning sitting behind his desk in the Oval Office, plugging products like Tito's Sombreros, 'Nobody's ever seen anything like Tito's Sombreros!' they got the boss to say while listening to his daily defense briefing. "They are the numero uno!"
The team again noticed another half percent rise in the polls. They were onto something.
"Paco's Piñatas" pitched the boss on Twitter, "people ask me all the time, what's the best piñata, I tell them Paco's. Can't beat 'em!"
That got them another percentage point. Trump had now nailed down over three percent of all Mexican voters. This was going well!
Then the boss started to go off script. 'Jose's Hammocks,' hawked the POTUS, 'definitely not made by rapists and murderers!'
Uh oh, the numbers were starting to slide the other way.
'Maria's hand-woven rugs. They don't smell too bad, I guess?' Oh, no, the boss was losing steam for this project, the team worried. He was heading back into negative polling numbers quick.
They tried showing him all sorts of other Mexican products, from maracas to tequila, but the boss was losing interest. The window was closing.
"He perked up a bit after we showed him a Tijuana 'Donkey Show' on Youtube," said Azkizer, "but we could tell it was over. The boss just couldn't muster any more energy for courting the Latin voters. He has a very busy schedule."
"Oh well, I guess it's back to mid-western housewives between age 35 and 59," said a deflated Azkizer, who could tell his job was now on the line.
Then Azkizer had an amazing idea, a career-changer. Maybe there was a way to court both the Mexican vote and the Middle America home-makers vote at the same time.
'Dear lord, please let this work,' prayed a mask-less Azkizer before entering the Oval Office late Thursday afternoon.
'Try El Chapo's methamphetamine's! People can't believe how great they make you feel! They are really something!'
"Slam Dunk, Trump 2020!" Azkizer said, high-fiving his team after the meeting.


thespoof--2020-07-17--Trumps ‘super-duper missile’ is betterer than their ‘really-good’ missile

Unconfirmed reports that the Pentagon is developing a missile that travels 17 times faster than the missile that travels 17 times slower , have not been confirmed .
“ The President learnt ‘ They ’ had a missile that was ‘ damn fast ’ , so we started planning one that was ‘ God damn fast ’ , ” said an unconfirmed source , “ then the President heard ‘ Their friends ’ were developing one that was ‘ double god damn fast ’ , and he wanted one that was ‘ Really double God damn fasterer and more louderer @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has been spent on some really good drawings of missiles , but there is limited urgency in the development stage , as it 's believed ‘ They ’ only have an ‘ Averagely good ’ missile , and ‘ Their friends ’ missile has been converted to power a central heating system .
“ But , since we got the ‘ OK ’ to up the drawing budget to $ 250 trillion , we moved into the 'Super-duper ' picture stage , which is perhaps what the President was referring to , ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ believe we can contain development to the coloured picture stage for some time , so long as the President doesn ’ t eat any more crayons.
” ‘ They ’ were unavailable for comment , but an unconfirmed source said that things started to get out of hand when an unnamed current US president got upset when ‘ They ’ and ‘ Their friends ’ forgot to send him a birthday card .

Unconfirmed reports that the Pentagon is developing a missile that travels 17 times faster than the missile that travels 17 times slower, have not been confirmed.
“The President learnt ‘They’ had a missile that was ‘damn fast’, so we started planning one that was ‘God damn fast’,” said an unconfirmed source, “then the President heard ‘Their friends’ were developing one that was ‘double god damn fast’, and he wanted one that was ‘Really double God damn fasterer and more louderer’."
So far $150 has been spent on some really good drawings of missiles, but there is limited urgency in the development stage, as it's believed ‘They’ only have an ‘Averagely good’ missile, and ‘Their friends’ missile has been converted to power a central heating system.
“But, since we got the ‘OK’ to up the drawing budget to $250 trillion, we moved into the 'Super-duper' picture stage, which is perhaps what the President was referring to,” said the unconfirmed source. “We believe we can contain development to the coloured picture stage for some time, so long as the President doesn’t eat any more crayons.”
‘They’ were unavailable for comment, but an unconfirmed source said that things started to get out of hand when an unnamed current US president got upset when ‘They’ and ‘Their friends’ forgot to send him a birthday card.


thespoof--2020-07-17--Doctors Say That President Trump May Need a Tongue Transplant

WASHINGTON , D.C. – After conducting countless tests , a group of the nation ’ s leading physicians have agreed that President Trump needs to have a tongue transplant .
Dr. Pernell Tuttler , Jr. , who headed up the intensive 3-week study , pointed out that , due to the constant , everyday , barrage of lies that come out of the President ’ s mouth , his Lingualosa Fibsiola has been severely damaged .
When asked if it can be fixed , the doctor replied probably not .
He then stated that the medical group is urging Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ see about getting a tongue transplant , hopefully before Columbus Day .
Tongue transplants , though somewhat unusual , are being performed more and more , especially on politicians , who seem to have a higher percentage of lying than even hairstylists , fishermen , golfers , and dentists .
The only problem with Trump is that , over the decades and decades of constant , perpetual , non-stop lying , his tongue has actually grown to twice the size of the tongue of a normal , everyday , run-of-the-mill liar .
So @ @ @ @ @ @ @ very difficult task to find a suitable donor .
One of the team doctors suggested that Sean Hannity could possibly be a perfect transplant donor .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After conducting countless tests, a group of the nation’s leading physicians have agreed that President Trump needs to have a tongue transplant.
Dr. Pernell Tuttler, Jr., who headed up the intensive 3-week study, pointed out that, due to the constant, everyday, barrage of lies that come out of the President’s mouth, his Lingualosa Fibsiola has been severely damaged.
When asked if it can be fixed, the doctor replied probably not. He then stated that the medical group is urging Trump to consult a tongue specialist, and see about getting a tongue transplant, hopefully before Columbus Day.
Tongue transplants, though somewhat unusual, are being performed more and more, especially on politicians, who seem to have a higher percentage of lying than even hairstylists, fishermen, golfers, and dentists.
The only problem with Trump is that, over the decades and decades of constant, perpetual, non-stop lying, his tongue has actually grown to twice the size of the tongue of a normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill liar.
So, therefore, it will be a very difficult task to find a suitable donor.
One of the team doctors suggested that Sean Hannity could possibly be a perfect transplant donor.


thespoof--2020-07-17--A Former Miss Kentucky Has Been Sentenced To Prison on Sex Charges

FRANKFORT , Kentucky – The state of Kentucky is famous for thoroughbred race horses , and now , for a thoroughbred ex-school teacher .
Former girl ’ s P.E .
teacher Rhonda F. Boxwinkle , is headed to the big house .
And , no doubt , the rough and tumble Dixie gals are already salivating .
The 2014 Miss Kentucky , who looks like a movie star , a model , or a Las Vegas showgirl , will be sitting pretty in a prison cell for two years .
The gorgeous southern gal was convicted of physically rubbing up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who recently turned 81 .
Boxwinkle insists that she slipped as he was mopping the teachers ' lounge restroom .
She was also found guilty of molesting a 372-pound school board member , as well as inappropriately touching one of the high school football coaches on his dangler .
The stunning-looking predator said that she was just checking out his Justin Bieber designer boxer shorts , when he suddenly sneezed .
Meanwhile , The iRumors News Agency is reporting that , when President Trump found out about Miss Boxwinkle going to prison @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and told her to start working on getting the hot , sexy , cutie a pardon .

FRANKFORT, Kentucky – The state of Kentucky is famous for thoroughbred race horses, and now, for a thoroughbred ex-school teacher.
Former girl’s P.E. teacher Rhonda F. Boxwinkle, is headed to the big house. And, no doubt, the rough and tumble Dixie gals are already salivating.
The 2014 Miss Kentucky, who looks like a movie star, a model, or a Las Vegas showgirl, will be sitting pretty in a prison cell for two years.
The gorgeous southern gal was convicted of physically rubbing up against one of the high school janitors, who recently turned 81.
Boxwinkle insists that she slipped as he was mopping the teachers' lounge restroom.
She was also found guilty of molesting a 372-pound school board member, as well as inappropriately touching one of the high school football coaches on his dangler.
The stunning-looking predator said that she was just checking out his Justin Bieber designer boxer shorts, when he suddenly sneezed.
Meanwhile, The iRumors News Agency is reporting that, when President Trump found out about Miss Boxwinkle going to prison, he quickly called up Kellyanne Conway, and told her to start working on getting the hot, sexy, cutie a pardon.


thespoof--2020-07-17--HELL To The REDSKINS: Change Name To WASHINGTON EUNUCHS

BILLINGSGATE POST : It has been a bad week for Washington Redskins owner , Dan Snyder .
Just after bending over and taking it in the shorts by agreeing to change the name of his beloved team , 15 maidens came out of their teepees to claim they were sexually harassed while employed by the NFL team .
Just Monday , the team officially announced it will retire its longtime racist nickname .
Before this harassment claim came out , it was speculated that Snyder would merely reverse the lettering on all of the jerseys and memorabilia to read WASHINGTON @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with reverse mirrors ; thus appeasing both the Native Americans who opposed the name , and die-hard fans who loved the old moniker .
However , with this new revelation that his staff sexually harassed former female employees , one who claimed that she was told that she had , among other things , “ ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts ” , Snyder said he would put an end to this abhorrent behavior by only hiring men - including coaches and players - who had had their testicles removed ; this , in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as they would not be distracted by lust or sexual matters .
And , just for further emphasis , he stated , “ the new name of the team will be the EUNUCHS , so to reflect this change of policy.
“ Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
I can see a problem signing players and coaches .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: It has been a bad week for Washington Redskins owner, Dan Snyder. Just after bending over and taking it in the shorts by agreeing to change the name of his beloved team, 15 maidens came out of their teepees to claim they were sexually harassed while employed by the NFL team.
Just Monday, the team officially announced it will retire its longtime racist nickname. Before this harassment claim came out, it was speculated that Snyder would merely reverse the lettering on all of the jerseys and memorabilia to read WASHINGTON “DERSNIKS ,” and provide everyone with reverse mirrors; thus appeasing both the Native Americans who opposed the name, and die-hard fans who loved the old moniker.
However, with this new revelation that his staff sexually harassed former female employees, one who claimed that she was told that she had, among other things, “ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts”, Snyder said he would put an end to this abhorrent behavior by only hiring men - including coaches and players - who had had their testicles removed; this, in order to make them more efficient, as they would not be distracted by lust or sexual matters. And, just for further emphasis, he stated, “the new name of the team will be the EUNUCHS, so to reflect this change of policy.“
Slim: “'Bout time the NFL stopped offending, and started playing.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I can see a problem signing players and coaches.”


thespoof--2020-07-18--President Trump Reveals That Voices in His Head Are Telling Him to Drop Out of the Race

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Reports are that President Trump ’ s popularity numbers are dropping quicker than a prostitute ’ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s top campaign advisers say that , at this rate , Minnie Mouse may @ @ @ @ @ votes than Trump gets regular votes .
POTUS has repeatedly told close friends like Scott @ @ @ @ @ his head keep telling him to drop out of the presidential race .
His least-favorite @ @ @ @ @ reportedly told his daddy not to worry , because he can go into the Electoral @ @ @ @ @ cheating , just like he did in 2016 .
Meanwhile , Kellyanne Conway , Kayleigh @ @ @ @ @ , all say that the low poll numbers are just a hoax , perpetuated by @ @ @ @ @ the President because he is so smart , so handsome , so rich , and @ @ @ @ @ the entire universe .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Reports are that President Trump’s popularity numbers are dropping quicker than a prostitute’s underwear.
The President’s top campaign advisers say that, at this rate, Minnie Mouse may end up getting more write-in votes than Trump gets regular votes.
POTUS has repeatedly told close friends like Scott Baio, that voices in his head keep telling him to drop out of the presidential race.
His least-favorite son, Eric, has reportedly told his daddy not to worry, because he can go into the Electoral College computer and win by cheating, just like he did in 2016.
Meanwhile, Kellyanne Conway, Kayleigh McEnany, and Hope Hicks, all say that the low poll numbers are just a hoax, perpetuated by colluding witch-hunters, who hate the President because he is so smart, so handsome, so rich, and the least racist person in the entire universe.


thespoof--2020-07-18--President Trump Confesses That He Was Molested By Ghislaine Maxwell

WASHINGTON , D.C. – In a shocking revelation from a man who is no stranger to saying and doing shocking things , now comes a new one .
The President of the United States has just admitted to his BFF , Sean Hannity , that he was molested by the female pervert named Ghislaine Maxwell .
POTUS said that it occurred in Central Park as he was taking his nightly stroll several years ago .
The President stopped talking .
Hannity asked him if he had a tear in his eye .
Trump said he did , because , thinking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feeling violated , degraded , traumatized , and quasi-horny .
Hannity told him to take his time .
Trump went on to say that , even today , years later , he is still haunted by the fact that this evil , heartless , uncaring , semi-racist woman took advantage of him and his perfect body .
Trump was at a loss for words .
He paused for 24 seconds , and then spoke , `` Ghislaine Maxwell…this cruel , vulgar , nasty , dirty , orange-faced predator…grabbed me by my p***y .
@

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking revelation from a man who is no stranger to saying and doing shocking things, now comes a new one.
The President of the United States has just admitted to his BFF, Sean Hannity, that he was molested by the female pervert named Ghislaine Maxwell.
POTUS said that it occurred in Central Park as he was taking his nightly stroll several years ago.
The President stopped talking. Hannity asked him if he had a tear in his eye.
Trump said he did, because, thinking back on the assault has left him feeling violated, degraded, traumatized, and quasi-horny.
Hannity told him to take his time. Trump went on to say that, even today, years later, he is still haunted by the fact that this evil, heartless, uncaring, semi-racist woman took advantage of him and his perfect body.
Trump was at a loss for words. He paused for 24 seconds, and then spoke, "Ghislaine Maxwell…this cruel, vulgar, nasty, dirty, orange-faced predator…grabbed me by my p***y.”


thespoof--2020-07-18--Donald Trump Hires Plumber To Replace Dr Fauchi

Donald Trump has moved to replace Dr Fauci with White House Assistant Plumber , John Smith .
`` John is @ @ @ @ @ get along very well , and we have a great understanding when we talk , @ @ @ @ @ , a deaf mute from Poughkeepsee , New York , said through his sign language @ @ @ @ @ nothing about the weather , but I 've always wanted to be a weatherman .
@ @ @ @ @ on days when Jared ai n't around . ''
We asked the question again , @ @ @ @ @ weatherman job , but the Directorship of the entire Center for Disease Control .
Mr. @ @ @ @ @ Well , unless they have pipes , I do n't think I can help them @ @ @ @ @ , humbly .
McKaney Makaleneyeeyie said , `` The President needs someone like Smith to @ @ @ @ @ way forward , which is re-opening schools , the economy , without regard for human @ @ @

Donald Trump has moved to replace Dr Fauci with White House Assistant Plumber, John Smith.
"John is a great guy, we get along very well, and we have a great understanding when we talk," said Trump
John Smith, a deaf mute from Poughkeepsee, New York, said through his sign language interpreter, "I know nothing about the weather, but I've always wanted to be a weatherman. Presently, I help Ivanka on days when Jared ain't around."
We asked the question again, explaining it wasn't a weatherman job, but the Directorship of the entire Center for Disease Control. Mr. Smith look confused.
"Well, unless they have pipes, I don't think I can help them much," said Smith, humbly.
McKaney Makaleneyeeyie said, "The President needs someone like Smith to help him plan the best way forward, which is re-opening schools, the economy, without regard for human life."


thespoof--2020-07-19--Coronavirus: new discovery changes things

Coronavirus has been discovered to reveal itself as a potential energy source by scientists at UCLA .
Gone are the @ @ @ @ @ or even green energy sources such as wind or solar .
Scientists have isolated a @ @ @ @ @ of the virus , and extruded it to the maximum degree possible , leading to @ @ @ @ @ the effect of providing a means by which energy is extracted .
There have been @ @ @ @ @ overall , the reaction to the discovery by UCLA has been positive .
Now the @ @ @ @ @ the expectations of a willing community .

Coronavirus has been discovered to reveal itself as a potential energy source by scientists at UCLA. Gone are the days of gas, coal or even green energy sources such as wind or solar.
Scientists have isolated a rare component within the DNA of the virus, and extruded it to the maximum degree possible, leading to a chemical transformation that has the effect of providing a means by which energy is extracted.
There have been some doubters, but, overall, the reaction to the discovery by UCLA has been positive. Now the next step is to fulfil the expectations of a willing community.


thespoof--2020-07-19--Trumps stunt wig’s sense of duty meant he never revealed anything

A biography of Hollywood stunt wig , Derek Fig , shows he was once President Trump 's stunt wig , and , despite windy conditions , never revealed himself .
Fig , renowned for his work as Harry Potter 's stunt public wig , was close to the action , so received Secret Service bodyguard training .
‘ People ask where did I keep my weapon when protecting his Trumpness ’ head .
Well , to be honest the head is hollow , ' said Fig .
'There ’ s all sorts of stuff stashed in there : an onion @ @ @ @ @ @ @ super glue for when things get windy , and , of course , my weapon .
I was rummaging around for it once , and accidentally let off a few rounds .
They rattled around a bit , but didn ’ t cause any damage.
’ Fig ’ s Secret Service training was essential .
‘ Of course , doing a job like that was risky .
There ’ s always an element of danger .
I mean at any time , without warning , Trumpy would run his pudgy fingers through me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his pudgy fingers running through you ?
We all know where they ’ ve been.
’ Fig was actually acting Trump wig , as both Chuck and Chad Trump wigs were taking a well-earned holiday .
‘ Trumpy did reveal he thought Chuck and Chad were more than just good friends , which made him feel uncomfortable .
I liked the idea he felt uncomfortable.
’ Fig has said he ’ d never do any more stunt public wig work , but how does this compare ?
‘ That was a walk in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feeling , unclean .
’

A biography of Hollywood stunt wig, Derek Fig, shows he was once President Trump's stunt wig, and, despite windy conditions, never revealed himself.
Fig, renowned for his work as Harry Potter's stunt public wig, was close to the action, so received Secret Service bodyguard training.
‘People ask where did I keep my weapon when protecting his Trumpness’ head. Well, to be honest the head is hollow,' said Fig. 'There’s all sorts of stuff stashed in there: an onion bagel, Melania’s underwear, super glue for when things get windy, and, of course, my weapon. I was rummaging around for it once, and accidentally let off a few rounds. They rattled around a bit, but didn’t cause any damage.’
Fig’s Secret Service training was essential. ‘Of course, doing a job like that was risky. There’s always an element of danger. I mean at any time, without warning, Trumpy would run his pudgy fingers through me. Can you imagine that, having his pudgy fingers running through you? We all know where they’ve been.’
Fig was actually acting Trump wig, as both Chuck and Chad Trump wigs were taking a well-earned holiday. ‘Trumpy did reveal he thought Chuck and Chad were more than just good friends, which made him feel uncomfortable. I liked the idea he felt uncomfortable.’
Fig has said he’d never do any more stunt public wig work, but how does this compare? ‘That was a walk in the park - Trumps scalp left me feeling, unclean.’


thespoof--2020-07-19--President Trump Denies That He Took $6 Million From The Military Defense Fund and Donated it to the

President Trump Denies That He Took $6 Million From The Military Defense Fund and Donated it to the White Lives Matter Organization

BANGOR , Maine – The President took a break from golfing to attend the ribbon-cutting ceremonies at a White Lives Matter-sponsored hotel .
The name of the hotel is The King Trump Inn .
POTUS wants everyone to know that he had nothing to do with the name choice , and said that his son Eric named it .
The President said that Trump Jr. wanted to call it The Trump Family Hotel , but his cousin Mary Trump , the writer , said that she did not want her name associated with the illegal , racist hotel .
Meanwhile @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reporting that the President secretly took $ 6 million from the U.S. Military Defense Fund .
He then turned around , and , within six hours , he donated it to the White Lives Matter group , which is headed by his little ass-kisser , Scott Baio .
Vox Populi asked Trump about his niece , Mary Trump ’ s , book , which sold one million copies just in its first day .
He said that he does not read books , and that he has never heard of this Mary Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bounce her on his knee .
Trump said that it was impossible , because he has bone spurs on his knees the size of prunes .

BANGOR, Maine – The President took a break from golfing to attend the ribbon-cutting ceremonies at a White Lives Matter-sponsored hotel.
The name of the hotel is The King Trump Inn. POTUS wants everyone to know that he had nothing to do with the name choice, and said that his son Eric named it.
The President said that Trump Jr. wanted to call it The Trump Family Hotel, but his cousin Mary Trump, the writer, said that she did not want her name associated with the illegal, racist hotel.
Meanwhile, the Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that the President secretly took $6 million from the U.S. Military Defense Fund.
He then turned around, and, within six hours, he donated it to the White Lives Matter group, which is headed by his little ass-kisser, Scott Baio.
Vox Populi asked Trump about his niece, Mary Trump’s, book, which sold one million copies just in its first day.
He said that he does not read books, and that he has never heard of this Mary Trump woman who says that he used to bounce her on his knee.
Trump said that it was impossible, because he has bone spurs on his knees the size of prunes.


thespoof--2020-07-19--The St. Louis Gun-Toting Couple Will Be Joining President Trump’s Campaign Pep Rallies

ST. LOUIS – Newspapers are reporting that the gun-toting couple from St. Louis , who feared for their lives as @ @ @ @ @ their dreary , evil-looking , castle-like home , are reportedly still shaking .
The woman @ @ @ @ @ McCloskey , who could use a trip to the hair saloon , told Fox News @ @ @ @ @ that she was afraid that the protesters were going to douse her with apple vinegar @ @ @ @ @ fire , like the French bakers did to Joanie of Arches , 900 years ago @ @ @ @ @ , who allegedly has a tattoo of Donald Trump on his beer belly , said @ @ @ @ @ least four or nine of the protesters were carrying grenade-launchers .
He said he even @ @ @ @ @ mini-catapult .
When Trump saw them on TV , he immediately texted them and invited @ @ @ @ @ of his presidential campaign pep rallies .
The news media has dubbed the self-professed crackers @ @ @ @ @ .

ST. LOUIS – Newspapers are reporting that the gun-toting couple from St. Louis, who feared for their lives as protesters marched in front of their dreary, evil-looking, castle-like home, are reportedly still shaking.
The woman, Patty “Cake” McCloskey, who could use a trip to the hair saloon, told Fox News reporter, LaTella Kimtula, that she was afraid that the protesters were going to douse her with apple vinegar, and set her on fire, like the French bakers did to Joanie of Arches, 900 years ago.
Her husband, Markus, who allegedly has a tattoo of Donald Trump on his beer belly, said that he knows that at least four or nine of the protesters were carrying grenade-launchers.
He said he even saw one that had a mini-catapult.
When Trump saw them on TV, he immediately texted them and invited them to become a part of his presidential campaign pep rallies.
The news media has dubbed the self-professed crackers "Bonnie & Clyde".


thespoof--2020-07-19--Laredo, Texas Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down a Drug-Carrying Drone

LAREDO , Texas – The Laredo Border Patrol sector has just announced that two agents have shot down a drone that was carrying drugs .
A spokesperson for the Border Patrol said that agents Maximiliano De La Noche and Wyatt Munsi shot the drone down as it crossed into Laredo , Texas from Nuevo Laredo , Mexico .
Agent De La Noche told a reporter with The Laredo Timely Times , that he used a military-issued rocket launcher , and agent Munsi used one of the most powerful shotguns in the entire world .
Both agents hit the drone , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that the drone was carrying 89 pounds of refined Popocatepetl Snow , which is one of the most popular and expensive cocaines on the market .
A Border Patrol drug cost estimator said that she estimated the confiscated drug to have a street value of $ 12.2 million , or $ 16.7 million if the street is located on the Left Coast .
The United States government will be awarding Border Patrol Agents Munsi and De La Noche the coveted USA Drone Killers Gold Medal .
They added that fellow K-9 agent , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the drone as it was in the air , will receive the coveted USA Drone Killers Gold Medal - Dog Category , along with a year ’ s supply of Kibbles ' n Bits .
Laredo is noted for its beautiful women , its deliciously HOT jalapenos , and its award-winning Glass Kitchen Restaurant Hamburgers .

LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo Border Patrol sector has just announced that two agents have shot down a drone that was carrying drugs.
A spokesperson for the Border Patrol said that agents Maximiliano De La Noche and Wyatt Munsi shot the drone down as it crossed into Laredo, Texas from Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.
Agent De La Noche told a reporter with The Laredo Timely Times, that he used a military-issued rocket launcher, and agent Munsi used one of the most powerful shotguns in the entire world.
Both agents hit the drone, and, after inspecting it, noted that the drone was carrying 89 pounds of refined Popocatepetl Snow, which is one of the most popular and expensive cocaines on the market.
A Border Patrol drug cost estimator said that she estimated the confiscated drug to have a street value of $12.2 million, or $16.7 million if the street is located on the Left Coast.
The United States government will be awarding Border Patrol Agents Munsi and De La Noche the coveted USA Drone Killers Gold Medal.
They added that fellow K-9 agent, “Juanito”, who sniffed out the drone as it was in the air, will receive the coveted USA Drone Killers Gold Medal - Dog Category, along with a year’s supply of Kibbles 'n Bits.
Laredo is noted for its beautiful women, its deliciously HOT jalapenos, and its award-winning Glass Kitchen Restaurant Hamburgers.


thespoof--2020-07-19--President Trump Removes the Portraits of Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush From The White H

President Trump Removes the Portraits of Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush From The White House Entrance

WASHINGTON , D.C. – In a move that many are saying falls under the heading of a little brat having a hissy fit , President Trump has personally removed the portraits of Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush from being displayed in the White House .
POTUS said that he had help taking the portraits down from Vice-President Pence , Kayleigh McEnany , and Barron Trump .
When asked by CNN ’ s Jim Acosta why he removed the two presidential portraits , POTUS turned super orange , and yelled out , “ Because I am the frickin ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ damn step below a damn dictator , a tyrant , an emperor , or the CEO of Amazon !
” He was asked by a British reporter with London 's Tickety Boo News Agency what he was going to put up in their place .
The Trumpster smiled like the North Korean cat that swallowed the South Korean canary , and replied that it would be portraits of Confederate Generals Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson .
After a collective 'what ? '
permeated throughout the room , President Trumparona replied that , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , then they could call 1-800-IDONOTGIVEASHIT .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that many are saying falls under the heading of a little brat having a hissy fit, President Trump has personally removed the portraits of Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush from being displayed in the White House.
POTUS said that he had help taking the portraits down from Vice-President Pence, Kayleigh McEnany, and Barron Trump.
When asked by CNN’s Jim Acosta why he removed the two presidential portraits, POTUS turned super orange, and yelled out, “Because I am the frickin’ president, and that is just one damn step below a damn dictator, a tyrant, an emperor, or the CEO of Amazon!”
He was asked by a British reporter with London's Tickety Boo News Agency what he was going to put up in their place.
The Trumpster smiled like the North Korean cat that swallowed the South Korean canary, and replied that it would be portraits of Confederate Generals Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.
After a collective 'what?' permeated throughout the room, President Trumparona replied that, if someone didn’t like it, then they could call 1-800-IDONOTGIVEASHIT.


thespoof--2020-07-19--Georgia's Gov. Repeals All Regulatory Mandates

Atlanta , Georgia .
Special to The Spoof .
Apparently , Georgia Governor , Brian Kemp , had more in @ @ @ @ @ idea of requiring all residents to wear virus-preventing masks with the phrase : `` Georgians @ @ @ @ @ do the right thing '' .
Pondering what he said , the governor 's face @ @ @ @ @ immediately issued several executive orders eliminating numerous other regulatory mandates .
On his hit list @ @ @ @ @ belts and special car chairs for children .
`` Georgians do n't need laws to @ @ @ @ @ '' he said , as he signed the order eliminating the requirement .
Then he @ @ @ @ @ weapons in households with children .
`` Any father would automatically do that .
It @ @ @ @ @ We do n't need a law . ''
That was followed by removal of requirements @ @ @ @ @ RR crossings , jay walking , and a host of other regulations .
`` We @ @ @ @ @ folks .
Georgians will do the right thing without a mandate . ''

Atlanta, Georgia. Special to The Spoof. Apparently, Georgia Governor, Brian Kemp, had more in mind when he dismissed the idea of requiring all residents to wear virus-preventing masks with the phrase: "Georgians don't need mandates to do the right thing". Pondering what he said, the governor's face lit up, and he immediately issued several executive orders eliminating numerous other regulatory mandates.
On his hit list, were the required seat belts and special car chairs for children. "Georgians don't need laws to do the right thing!" he said, as he signed the order eliminating the requirement. Then he removed the mandate requiring securely-locked weapons in households with children. "Any father would automatically do that. It's the right thing. We don't need a law." That was followed by removal of requirements dealing with stop signs, RR crossings, jay walking, and a host of other regulations. "We don't need to warn folks. Georgians will do the right thing without a mandate."


thespoof--2020-07-20--Trump Honors Hillary By Wearing Pink Pantsuit At Rally

BILLINGSGATE POST : In a display of chivalry not seen since he defeated Hillary in 2016 , Donald Trump was photographed wearing a replica of the cheap , polyester pink pantsuit that Hillary wore when she electrified her adoring followers by doing the Rhumba at a money-raising dinner hosted by Harvey Weinstein four years ago..
Showing her backside to the guests who paid $ 120,000 a plate for a catered barbecue turkey leg and a bowl of chili , she Rhumbad the night away .
One pundit described the virtuoso performance : “ Wow and Double Wow !
For a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ watching two Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a gunnysack .
Her buttocks were rumbling , Dude.
” Trump , who was at a rally Wednesday in Toledo , Ohio , paid tribute to Hillary by wearing a copy of the pink pantsuit that she favored during the debates which preceded the election in 2016 .
With thousands of his rabid followers screaming ; “ TAKE 'EM OFF !
TAKE 'EM OFF !
” , Trump turned his backside to the crowd , and pulled down the bottoms of his pantsuit , revealing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the red , white and blue .
Needless to say , the crowd went absolutely bonkers .
Slim : “ The symbolism of that is breathtaking.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
It could have been even more breathtaking if he didn ’ t wear skivvies .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a display of chivalry not seen since he defeated Hillary in 2016, Donald Trump was photographed wearing a replica of the cheap, polyester pink pantsuit that Hillary wore when she electrified her adoring followers by doing the Rhumba at a money-raising dinner hosted by Harvey Weinstein four years ago..
Showing her backside to the guests who paid $120,000 a plate for a catered barbecue turkey leg and a bowl of chili, she Rhumbad the night away.
One pundit described the virtuoso performance: “Wow and Double Wow! For a minute, I thought that I was watching two Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a gunnysack. Her buttocks were rumbling, Dude.”
Trump, who was at a rally Wednesday in Toledo, Ohio, paid tribute to Hillary by wearing a copy of the pink pantsuit that she favored during the debates which preceded the election in 2016.
With thousands of his rabid followers screaming; “TAKE 'EM OFF! TAKE 'EM OFF!”, Trump turned his backside to the crowd, and pulled down the bottoms of his pantsuit, revealing his patriotic skivvies, which were emblazoned with the red, white and blue.
Needless to say, the crowd went absolutely bonkers.
Slim: “The symbolism of that is breathtaking.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. It could have been even more breathtaking if he didn’t wear skivvies.”