thespoof--2020-03-03--In Latest Move to Stop Coronavirus, Trump Urges Fed to Cut Interest Rates His Heavily Indebted Compa

In Latest Move to Stop Coronavirus, Trump Urges Fed to Cut Interest Rates His Heavily Indebted Company Pays

Washington - President Donald Trump , concerned about Federal Reserve policies that pay savers a tiny amount of interest to @ @ @ @ @ unleashed a Twitter storm last night against Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell , insisting he @ @ @ @ @ zero to battle the coronavirus .
The cuts would save the heavily-indebted Trump corporations , @ @ @ @ @ in interest payments , benefiting him personally .
It would also save American corporations hundreds @ @ @ @ @ , because the hundreds of millions they saved in taxes with the Trump 2017 tax @ @ @ @ @ to get their stock prices up , and therefore activate their management 's stock purchase @ @ @ @ @ to confiscate more wealth , so they can give more to help elect Trump and @ @ @ @ @ market , which Trump sees as his key to winning the 2020 election , because @ @ @ @ @ in the market , rallied after the Central Bank indicated it approved of his latest @ @ @ @ @ ready to cut interest rates far below the rate of inflation .

Washington - President Donald Trump, concerned about Federal Reserve policies that pay savers a tiny amount of interest to loan their money out, unleashed a Twitter storm last night against Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell, insisting he cut interest rates to near zero to battle the coronavirus.
The cuts would save the heavily-indebted Trump corporations, and LLC's, millions in interest payments, benefiting him personally. It would also save American corporations hundreds of millions in interest payments, because the hundreds of millions they saved in taxes with the Trump 2017 tax plan isn't quite enough to get their stock prices up, and therefore activate their management's stock purchase clauses, and allow them to confiscate more wealth, so they can give more to help elect Trump and the Republicans.
The stock market, which Trump sees as his key to winning the 2020 election, because his supporters all have millions in the market, rallied after the Central Bank indicated it approved of his latest wealth grab, and was ready to cut interest rates far below the rate of inflation.


thespoof--2020-03-04--Nashville Man Takes Sobriety Two Days at a Time

“ I ’ ve always been kind of an over-achiever , ” said Chase Landry of Nashville , Tennessee , who ’ s been working hard to overcome his issues with alcohol .
“ The ‘ just for today ’ concept may work for some people , but I think it ’ s important to think ahead.
” It is for that reason , explained Landry , that , rather than adopting the standard “ one day at a time ” approach to addiction recovery , he has opted to take his sobriety two days at time .
“ I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ” he said .
“ With the aim of eventually incorporating a full weekend.
” In the future , Landry says that he potentially even foresees a three-day-at-a-time version of sobriety .
“ At some point , I anticipate looping in Fridays as well , making for a long – very long – sober weekend .
But for now , I ’ m focusing on early in the week.
” Landry noted that , while some people he ’ s met at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings have expressed skepticism of his two-day-at-a-time plan @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ The bottom line is , different things work for different people , ” he said .
He noted , “ It ’ s the innovators in life who are the true change-makers .
And they say in AA that you ’ ve got to be willing to go to any lengths .
Me , I ’ m willing to go the extra day .
”

“I’ve always been kind of an over-achiever,” said Chase Landry of Nashville, Tennessee, who’s been working hard to overcome his issues with alcohol. “The ‘just for today’ concept may work for some people, but I think it’s important to think ahead.”
It is for that reason, explained Landry, that, rather than adopting the standard “one day at a time” approach to addiction recovery, he has opted to take his sobriety two days at time. “I’m starting with Mondays and Tuesdays,” he said. “With the aim of eventually incorporating a full weekend.”
In the future, Landry says that he potentially even foresees a three-day-at-a-time version of sobriety. “At some point, I anticipate looping in Fridays as well, making for a long – very long – sober weekend. But for now, I’m focusing on early in the week.”
Landry noted that, while some people he’s met at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings have expressed skepticism of his two-day-at-a-time plan, others have been extremely supportive. “The bottom line is, different things work for different people,” he said.
He noted, “It’s the innovators in life who are the true change-makers. And they say in AA that you’ve got to be willing to go to any lengths. Me, I’m willing to go the extra day.”


thespoof--2020-03-04--47,917 U.S. Psychiatrists Express Tremendous Concern Over President Trump’s Declining State of Mind

HONOLULU , Hawaii – Many of the nation ’ s leading Psychiatrists met in Hawaii for their yearly Psychs Convention .
And everyone of them pointed out that they are extremely worried about Trump and his worsening brain condition .
Dr. Teo P. Bednarski of Saginaw , Michigan said that the leader of the free world is beginning to forget even some of the simplest things , such as , what letter follows A , B , C , and the name of his second son , Eric .
When told about Dr. Bednarski ’ s remark , Trump said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Hell , sometimes , I forget my own name , but that is nothing for anyone to be concerned about , especially the 52,608 loser shrinks .
[ WRITER ’ S NOTE : The figure is actually 47,917 ] .
Dr. Octavius Gagliardo of Pensacola , Florida , pointed out that one day , last week , he saw POTUS on MSNBC News , and he was standing on the White House front porch wearing Melania 's shocking pink Jennifer Lopez designer house shoes .
Dr. Galiardo remarked that DJT is either @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , he ’ s a cross-dresser .
IN CLOSING - One thing that all of the psychiatrists are in total agreement on , is that Trump has become the nation ’ s ( and even the world ’ s ) most hateful bully .
They say that that stems from him being insecure and actually having an inferiority complex , because , as Stormy Daniels has pointed out on several late night talk shows , old “ Cheeto Face ” has a tiny presidential pee-pee .

HONOLULU, Hawaii – Many of the nation’s leading Psychiatrists met in Hawaii for their yearly Psychs Convention.
And everyone of them pointed out that they are extremely worried about Trump and his worsening brain condition.
Dr. Teo P. Bednarski of Saginaw, Michigan said that the leader of the free world is beginning to forget even some of the simplest things, such as, what letter follows A, B, C, and the name of his second son, Eric.
When told about Dr. Bednarski’s remark, Trump said that it is no big deal, “Hell, sometimes, I forget my own name, but that is nothing for anyone to be concerned about, especially the 52,608 loser shrinks. [WRITER’S NOTE: The figure is actually 47,917].
Dr. Octavius Gagliardo of Pensacola, Florida, pointed out that one day, last week, he saw POTUS on MSNBC News, and he was standing on the White House front porch wearing Melania's shocking pink Jennifer Lopez designer house shoes.
Dr. Galiardo remarked that DJT is either getting forgetful as hell or, else, he’s a cross-dresser.
IN CLOSING - One thing that all of the psychiatrists are in total agreement on, is that Trump has become the nation’s (and even the world’s) most hateful bully. They say that that stems from him being insecure and actually having an inferiority complex, because, as Stormy Daniels has pointed out on several late night talk shows, old “Cheeto Face” has a tiny presidential pee-pee.


thespoof--2020-03-04--President Trump Says He Will Be Signing An Executive Order Changing The Name of the Coronavirus

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The Washington Globe Express is reporting that President Trump has just announced an update on the Coronavirus .
He told the Globe Express that he is going to legally change the name of the virus from the foreign-sounding Coronavirus to the more American sounding Crownvirus .
When asked why he would do that , the man that George Conway calls `` Old Pumpkin Face '' got visibly upset and yelled out , “ Because I am the king , I mean the president , and that title gives me a lot of unlimited power . ''
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ , `` So , if I want to paint the White House red or zebra-striped , I can friggin do it.
” The leader of the free world then said that he is also considering changing the foreign-sounding name Brazil Nuts to Washington Nuts .
IN CLOSING - A White House staff member said that , regarding her husband ’ s nutty name change , Melania remarked , “ Oh my words , eat lukes like my husbundt he has finally losted dee berry last friggin marble dat he had in hees orange @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Washington Globe Express is reporting that President Trump has just announced an update on the Coronavirus.
He told the Globe Express that he is going to legally change the name of the virus from the foreign-sounding Coronavirus to the more American sounding Crownvirus.
When asked why he would do that, the man that George Conway calls "Old Pumpkin Face" got visibly upset and yelled out, “Because I am the king, I mean the president, and that title gives me a lot of unlimited power." He cracked his knuckles, and added, "So, if I want to paint the White House red or zebra-striped, I can friggin do it.”
The leader of the free world then said that he is also considering changing the foreign-sounding name Brazil Nuts to Washington Nuts.
IN CLOSING - A White House staff member said that, regarding her husband’s nutty name change, Melania remarked, “Oh my words, eat lukes like my husbundt he has finally losted dee berry last friggin marble dat he had in hees orange head.”


thespoof--2020-03-05--Blue-Collar Nashville Man Identifies More with Lazy Class

Despite being a dues-paying union carpenter for over a decade , Rex Miller of Nashville , Tennessee , says that he has never really identified with the term “ working class.
” “ I prefer to do the bare minimum , ” Miller explained .
“ Even though I have a blue-collar job , I identify most strongly with the lazy class.
” Miller went on to note that he hopes that candidates in the upcoming presidential election will begin speaking more directly to the many voters like him , who , by their own admission , seek to live @ @ @ @ @ @ @ possible .
“ There are lots of people like me who are forced to act like working class , but who would strongly prefer to be lazy , ’ he said .
“ We need more policies supporting us regular lackadaisical Americans . ''
According to Miller , strong labor laws , including shorter work hours , lenient sick-pay guidelines , and increased remote-access carpentry options , are some of the policy considerations that will likely inform his pick for president .
`` If I make it out to vote , that is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ may end up deciding to just take it easy that day.
” Regardless , however , Miller warned presidential hopefuls that the lazy class , while not especially motivated or organized , is one that politicians ignore at their own risk .
`` “ We may not make a pretty talking point , but we ’ re who America really is , '' he said .
`` Win us over , and you 're in .
I can promise you that . ''

Despite being a dues-paying union carpenter for over a decade, Rex Miller of Nashville, Tennessee, says that he has never really identified with the term “working class.”
“I prefer to do the bare minimum,” Miller explained. “Even though I have a blue-collar job, I identify most strongly with the lazy class.”
Miller went on to note that he hopes that candidates in the upcoming presidential election will begin speaking more directly to the many voters like him, who, by their own admission, seek to live comfortably while expending as little effort as possible.
“There are lots of people like me who are forced to act like working class, but who would strongly prefer to be lazy,’ he said. “We need more policies supporting us regular lackadaisical Americans."
According to Miller, strong labor laws, including shorter work hours, lenient sick-pay guidelines, and increased remote-access carpentry options, are some of the policy considerations that will likely inform his pick for president. "If I make it out to vote, that is," he said. "I may end up deciding to just take it easy that day.”
Regardless, however, Miller warned presidential hopefuls that the lazy class, while not especially motivated or organized, is one that politicians ignore at their own risk. "“We may not make a pretty talking point, but we’re who America really is," he said. "Win us over, and you're in. I can promise you that."


thespoof--2020-03-05--Mystery Space X Implosion Baffles Space Force

Top brass officials from the newly-formed U.S. Air Command 's `` Space Force '' were at a loss , yesterday , to explain the recent `` explosive anomaly '' with the latest rocket launch from Space X .
Reporters questioning the group of officials , who organized a briefing on the matter , noticed officials responsible for conducting the briefing warily looked at each other , squinting occasionally , and rolled their eyes up and down repeatedly , alternating towards the `` above '' and the `` below '' , while gesticulating with quick jerks of their heads at an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Ah '' , said one , clearing his throat , `` currently we have a number of theories , none of which is entirely cohesively in coordination with empirical findings on the exact amount of gas-to-air ratio we would normally release as an acceptable air/gas mix . ''
`` Is it true that Force members think aliens might be involved ?
`` , said one reporter , furrowing his brows into a deep and knitted line .
`` Ah , we have not ruled out that possibility '' , said one official , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ collar .
`` How do you explain this ?
`` , said one reporter , waving a huge photo , and throwing it under an overhead projector , whilst gesturing to a man standing near the lights to dim the room .
Suddenly an image of the sky filled the room , and a barely discernible message , in what appeared to be a mix of clouds and rocket explosion material , appeared in the sky .
`` Does this suggest intake or invasion ?
`` , said one reporter , awestruck .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ can make of it was a readiness to exhale '' , said another .
`` No comment '' , said the other five , in unison , staring at an empty chair on the dias .
No further information has been forthcoming from officials .

Top brass officials from the newly-formed U.S. Air Command's "Space Force" were at a loss, yesterday, to explain the recent "explosive anomaly" with the latest rocket launch from Space X.
Reporters questioning the group of officials, who organized a briefing on the matter, noticed officials responsible for conducting the briefing warily looked at each other, squinting occasionally, and rolled their eyes up and down repeatedly, alternating towards the "above" and the "below", while gesticulating with quick jerks of their heads at an empty chair on the dias.
"Ah", said one, clearing his throat, "currently we have a number of theories, none of which is entirely cohesively in coordination with empirical findings on the exact amount of gas-to-air ratio we would normally release as an acceptable air/gas mix."
"Is it true that Force members think aliens might be involved?", said one reporter, furrowing his brows into a deep and knitted line.
"Ah, we have not ruled out that possibility", said one official, sweating profusely, and loosening his uniform collar.
"How do you explain this?", said one reporter, waving a huge photo, and throwing it under an overhead projector, whilst gesturing to a man standing near the lights to dim the room.
Suddenly an image of the sky filled the room, and a barely discernible message, in what appeared to be a mix of clouds and rocket explosion material, appeared in the sky.
"Sorry; Bong Error."
"Does this suggest intake or invasion?", said one reporter, awestruck.
"Ah....the only thing we can make of it was a readiness to exhale", said another.
"No comment", said the other five, in unison, staring at an empty chair on the dias.
No further information has been forthcoming from officials.


thespoof--2020-03-05--President Trump Says He Wants Ex-NASCAR Driver Danica Patrick To Be His Personal Driver

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A White House insider has hinted that POTUS is not very happy with his present presidential chauffeur .
Apparently , Trump caught his driver listening to CNN as he was driving Melania to the supermarket .
Melania reportedly informed her husband that it is no big deal , since she , herself , occasionally watches CNN when she is alone in their bedroom .
Melania commented that she thinks that Anderson Cooper is very cute .
She even implied that she does not care one bit for Donnie ’ s BFF Sean Hannity .
The first @ @ @ @ @ @ @ too loud , and when he looks at her with those penetrating eyes , it gives her the creeping creepy creepies .
The president assured his wife that , even though Sean is , indeed , a very weird fella , he always gives him really good , long , impressive words to mention at his rallies ; like asparagus , photosynthesis , and Mississippi .
Trump personally called Danica on her cell phone , and offered her the job of being his personal driver .
She reportedly told him that she appreciated @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to just making left turns and driving in D.C. traffic would give her a lot of needless stress .
IN RELATED NEWS – Kellyanne Conway , Trump ’ s top aide , says that the president will visit Egypt , but not until the Two-Humped Camel Scandal dies down .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has hinted that POTUS is not very happy with his present presidential chauffeur.
Apparently, Trump caught his driver listening to CNN as he was driving Melania to the supermarket. Melania reportedly informed her husband that it is no big deal, since she, herself, occasionally watches CNN when she is alone in their bedroom.
Melania commented that she thinks that Anderson Cooper is very cute. She even implied that she does not care one bit for Donnie’s BFF Sean Hannity.
The first lady pointed out that Hannity talks way too loud, and when he looks at her with those penetrating eyes, it gives her the creeping creepy creepies.
The president assured his wife that, even though Sean is, indeed, a very weird fella, he always gives him really good, long, impressive words to mention at his rallies; like asparagus, photosynthesis, and Mississippi.
Trump personally called Danica on her cell phone, and offered her the job of being his personal driver.
She reportedly told him that she appreciated the offer, but she is used to just making left turns and driving in D.C. traffic would give her a lot of needless stress.
IN RELATED NEWS – Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s top aide, says that the president will visit Egypt, but not until the Two-Humped Camel Scandal dies down.


thespoof--2020-03-05--Washington State officials urge citizens not to lick things

Washington State officials have pleaded with citizens not to lick ballots .
Mail-in ballots for the mammary election are normally @ @ @ @ @ .
To avoid spreading disease , officials requested other means be used .
We polled @ @ @ @ @ and here are the top ten ways citizens plan to deal : 1 .
Use @ @ @ @ @ it under a raining sky 3 .
Spit on it 4 .
Sprinkle beer on @ @ @ @ @ 6 .
Use blood from a hamburger package 7 .
Use chicken package drippings 8 @ @ @ @ @ kids chemistry set 9 .
Pee on it 10 .
Use cow urine There are @ @ @ @ @ cow urine in a bid to beat the reaper .

Washington State officials have pleaded with citizens not to lick ballots.
Mail-in ballots for the mammary election are normally sealed into envelopes by licking.
To avoid spreading disease, officials requested other means be used.
We polled the citizens of Washington, and here are the top ten ways citizens plan to deal:
1. Use a sponge
2. Hold it under a raining sky
3. Spit on it
4. Sprinkle beer on it
5. Use snot
6. Use blood from a hamburger package
7. Use chicken package drippings
8. Mix up chemicals from kids chemistry set
9. Pee on it
10. Use cow urine
There are rumors that many are drinking cow urine in a bid to beat the reaper.


thespoof--2020-03-05--Donald Trump Says He Has Definitive Proof That Bernie Sanders Was Born In Kenya

WASHINGTON – El Presidente , as President Donald Trump is referred to in Spanish Harlem , has just discovered something @ @ @ @ @ Bernie Sanders to drop out of the Democratic Presidential Primary Race .
POTUS smiled from @ @ @ @ @ his unofficial boyfriend , Sean Hannity , has just let him know that he found @ @ @ @ @ ' birth certificate in an old , abandoned liquor store in the Bronx .
Hannity @ @ @ @ @ certificate looks 100 % genuine .
DJT said that he is so grateful to Seany @ @ @ @ @ to consider making him the ambassador to Norway .
He even told him that he @ @ @ @ @ what the current Norwegian ambassador is making , and he will provide him with a @ @ @ @ @ courtesy of the American taxpayers .
IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Elton John is thrilled @ @ @ @ @ has just been offered the lead role in the upcoming film , “ Liberace – @ @ @ @ @ .
”

WASHINGTON – El Presidente, as President Donald Trump is referred to in Spanish Harlem, has just discovered something that he says will cause Bernie Sanders to drop out of the Democratic Presidential Primary Race.
POTUS smiled from ear-to-ear as he announced that his unofficial boyfriend, Sean Hannity, has just let him know that he found a copy of Bernie Sanders' birth certificate in an old, abandoned liquor store in the Bronx.
Hannity told Trump that the birth certificate looks 100% genuine. DJT said that he is so grateful to Seany, that he is going to consider making him the ambassador to Norway.
He even told him that he will triple the salary of what the current Norwegian ambassador is making, and he will provide him with a brand new 2020 Rolls Royce courtesy of the American taxpayers.
IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Elton John is thrilled at the fact that he has just been offered the lead role in the upcoming film, “Liberace – The Original Ivory Tickling Tickler.”


Good-bye Mr. Trump

At last , thanks to former Vice President Joseph Biden , the Trump presidency is headed for the dumpster truck of history .
No more juvenile , self-serving tweets that only a ten-year-old would be proud to glue into his scrapbook .
There will not be a second term for Donald Trump .
On Super Tuesday , with fourteen states voting in primary elections , Joe Biden miraculously won nine of the fourteen , gained the support of three other presidential candidates who withdrew from the race , and the world can now breathe an everlasting sigh of relief .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Bernie Sanders , however , is barking mad , punching his index finger into the air , claiming to be the real winner on Super Tuesday , and that he did n't want any of Mike Bloomberg ’ s billions to win the White House when Joe Biden drops out .
It started with Joe Biden winning South Carolina on Saturday .
Sweet !
Give the guy a cigar .
His Saturday win was followed by his knock out , nine-state win on Super Tuesday .
Give the guy the whole box @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Buddah-Judge ) dropped out of the race , along with Amy Klobuchar and Mike Bloomberg .
The tree former candidates are throwing their support behind Joe Biden .
Senator Elizabeth Warren , who failed to win her state of Massachusetts , is still considering her options .
If you can ’ t win your own home state , there are no options , at least not for the White House .
With Joe Biden ’ s political experience , decency , and Mike Bloomberg ’ s money , ( which appears to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Biden will be the next president of the United States .
Trump ’ s attempted smear campaign of Burisma Holdings in Ukraine isn ’ t going to work like Benghazi or the Wikileaks emails of 2016 .
Voter turnout is made up of a sadder but wiser electorate .
So bring on the dumpster , park it on the back lawn of the White House , a new day is coming , this nation will be reborn , the world will be safer .
And Bernie Sanders will still be barking and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

At last, thanks to former Vice President Joseph Biden, the Trump presidency is headed for the dumpster truck of history. No more juvenile, self-serving tweets that only a ten-year-old would be proud to glue into his scrapbook.
There will not be a second term for Donald Trump.
On Super Tuesday, with fourteen states voting in primary elections, Joe Biden miraculously won ten of the fourteen, gained the support of three other presidential candidates who withdrew from the race, and the world can now breathe an everlasting sigh of relief. The dumpster truck is on its way.
Bernie Sanders, however, is barking mad, punching his index finger into the air, claiming to be the real winner on Super Tuesday, and that he didn't want any of Mike Bloomberg’s billions to win the White House when Joe Biden drops out.
Sour grapes? You betcha.
It started with Joe Biden winning South Carolina on Saturday. Sweet! Give the guy a cigar. His Saturday win was followed by his knock out, ten-state win on Super Tuesday. Give the guy the whole box of cigars.
Pete Buttigieg, (Buddah-Judge) dropped out of the race, along with Amy Klobuchar and Mike Bloomberg. The tree former candidates are throwing their support behind Joe Biden.
Senator Elizabeth Warren, who failed to win her state of Massachusetts, is still considering her options. If you can’t win your own home state, there are no options, at least not for the White House.
With Joe Biden’s political experience, decency, and Mike Bloomberg’s money, (which appears to be the Victoria Falls of everlasting abundance), Biden will be the next president of the United States.
Trump’s attempted smear campaign of Burisma Holdings in Ukraine isn’t going to work like Benghazi or the Wikileaks emails of 2016. Voter turnout is made up of a sadder but wiser electorate.
So bring on the dumpster, park it on the back lawn of the White House, a new day is coming, this nation will be reborn, the world will be safer.
Amen.
And Bernie Sanders will still be barking and punching his index finger into the air.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-03-06--IRS has local man puzzled

IRS has local man puzzled

A Shreveport man is claiming that the Internal Revenue Service is sending him mixed signals regarding both his 2018 and 2019 tax returns .
Tatty Mullett , 38 , a broad-shouldered man with a back akin to a sturdy oak , relayed two conversations he had had with the Government agency to gathered reporters .
`` First of all , they tell me that my 2018 tax return is outstanding .
Obviously , I thanked them , and told them I appreciated the feedback .
To receive praise like that is really something .
Especially as I do n't even @ @ @ @ @ @ @ though , Mullett 's joy was short-lived .
The perplexed man explained : '' So , another guy gets on the phone , from the IRS also , says I owe them money , taxes , '' said Mullett .
`` How much I owe ?
I asked .
'You got ta figure that , ' he ( the IRS dude ) told me .
Well , that kinda threw me , so I say 'can I pay just what I want ? '
'No , ' says the guy .
'We know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you have to guess that number . '
'' Mullet pauses as he looks skywards and shakes his head .
`` So I say , 'what if I get it wrong ? '
, and the guy replies , 'then , sir , you go to prison . '
I mean , what the fuck ?
It just does n't make sense . ''
This reporter tried to reach out to the IRS for comment , but eventually gave up after waiting on hold for several days .

A Shreveport man is claiming that the Internal Revenue Service is sending him mixed signals regarding both his 2018 and 2019 tax returns. Tatty Mullett, 38, a broad-shouldered man with a back akin to a sturdy oak, relayed two conversations he had had with the Government agency to gathered reporters.
"First of all, they tell me that my 2018 tax return is outstanding. Obviously, I thanked them, and told them I appreciated the feedback. To receive praise like that is really something. Especially as I don't even remember sending it in."
Sadly though, Mullett's joy was short-lived. The perplexed man explained:
"So, another guy gets on the phone, from the IRS also, says I owe them money, taxes," said Mullett. "How much I owe? I asked. 'You gotta figure that,' he (the IRS dude) told me. Well, that kinda threw me, so I say 'can I pay just what I want?' 'No,' says the guy. 'We know exactly how much you owe. But you have to guess that number.'" Mullet pauses as he looks skywards and shakes his head. "So I say, 'what if I get it wrong?', and the guy replies, 'then, sir, you go to prison.' I mean, what the fuck? It just doesn't make sense."
This reporter tried to reach out to the IRS for comment, but eventually gave up after waiting on hold for several days.


thespoof--2020-03-06--Joe Biden Wrestles with Crippling Case of Imposter Syndrome

“ Sometimes , I wonder how I even ended up running for vice president - I mean president , ” said an incredulous Joe Biden regarding his bid for the Democratic nomination for the 2020 election .
“ I ’ m not even that smart.
” Despite the support and endorsements thrown his way by conservative Democrats like Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobichar , Biden confessed to feeling utterly inadequate for the task at hand .
In other words , he admitted , he ’ s suffering from a crippling case of what is known as `` imposter syndrome .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sanders , and even Elizabeth Warren , really seem to know what they ’ re talking about , ” said Biden .
“ I feel like I ’ m faking it all the time.
” Biden noted , too , that he 's felt humiliated at some of the gaffes he ’ s committed onstage , like mixing up his wife and his sister while making introductions .
“ They switched positions on me , '' he said .
`` It really threw me off . ''
Exacerbating his sense of feeling like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Biden , are the tall tales he ’ s told about his participation in the civil rights movement in the 1960s .
“ African Americans love me for my - supposed - civil rights record , though , and I ca n't bear the thought of letting them down by explaining that I never marched against segregation , and that I opposed school busing programs , ” he said .
“ I don ’ t want to disappoint people .
Is that really so bad ?
” All that being said , Biden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ walking through his emotional discomfort and insecurities about not being good enough – and to continue that march all the way to the White House .
“ I ’ m good enough , I ’ m smart enough , and I deserve to be vice president - I mean , president , ’ he stated , repeating the daily affirmation he uses to build confidence .
“ This is the United States , after all .
”

“Sometimes, I wonder how I even ended up running for vice president - I mean president,” said an incredulous Joe Biden regarding his bid for the Democratic nomination for the 2020 election. “I’m not even that smart.”
Despite the support and endorsements thrown his way by conservative Democrats like Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobichar, Biden confessed to feeling utterly inadequate for the task at hand. In other words, he admitted, he’s suffering from a crippling case of what is known as "imposter syndrome."
“Other people, like Bernie Sanders, and even Elizabeth Warren, really seem to know what they’re talking about,” said Biden. “I feel like I’m faking it all the time.”
Biden noted, too, that he's felt humiliated at some of the gaffes he’s committed onstage, like mixing up his wife and his sister while making introductions. “They switched positions on me," he said. "It really threw me off."
Exacerbating his sense of feeling like a fraud and an imposter, said Biden, are the tall tales he’s told about his participation in the civil rights movement in the 1960s. “African Americans love me for my - supposed - civil rights record, though, and I can't bear the thought of letting them down by explaining that I never marched against segregation, and that I opposed school busing programs,” he said. “I don’t want to disappoint people. Is that really so bad?”
All that being said, Biden stated that he is determined to continue walking through his emotional discomfort and insecurities about not being good enough – and to continue that march all the way to the White House.
“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and I deserve to be vice president - I mean, president,’ he stated, repeating the daily affirmation he uses to build confidence. “This is the United States, after all.”


thespoof--2020-03-06--Trump Says, That He Finally Got “Pocahontas” Warren Heading Back To Her Reservation Where She Belong

Trump Says, That He Finally Got “Pocahontas” Warren Heading Back To Her Reservation Where She Belongs

PAW PAW , West Virginia – Massachusetts senator and rejected Democratic presidential candidate , Elizabeth Warren , has thrown in the turquoise towel , as they say out in Santa Fe , New Mexico .
President Trump speaking at a rally in Paw Paw , West Virginia , is taking total credit for Warren dropping out .
“ It is no secret , ” POTUS pointed out to the crowd of 200 plus , “ that I hit that squaw woman so hard with my mean , cruel , heartless nickname , that it just got too hot for the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ And so now , I can say with all the joy of a woodpecker with two peckers that the little old music teacher can now return to her wigwam and wam up some dinner.
” Trump grinned , and asked his base if they saw what he did there with the word 'wam . '
“ Yes !
!
!
” They shouted in unison .
Trump glowed as one crowd member yelled out , “ You are the bestest president that the USA has ever seen , and that includes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Millie Fillmore.
” Trump beamed with joyous joy , and actually did a somersault on stage , accidentally hitting a secret service agent in the head and causing Melania to exclaim “ Hey ju my shubby orange bozo estop acting like ju are Chakeera , before ju crack one of jur freegeen reebs ju silly fokker.
” IN OTHER NEWS – Italy is recalling 4.3 million pizzas it was shipping to the USA because they were found to contain traces of the Coronavirus .

PAW PAW, West Virginia – Massachusetts senator and rejected Democratic presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, has thrown in the turquoise towel, as they say out in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
President Trump speaking at a rally in Paw Paw, West Virginia, is taking total credit for Warren dropping out. “It is no secret,” POTUS pointed out to the crowd of 200 plus, “that I hit that squaw woman so hard with my mean, cruel, heartless nickname, that it just got too hot for the skinny Massachusetts mama.”
Trump went on, “And so now, I can say with all the joy of a woodpecker with two peckers that the little old music teacher can now return to her wigwam and wam up some dinner.”
Trump grinned, and asked his base if they saw what he did there with the word 'wam.'
“Yes!!!” They shouted in unison. Trump glowed as one crowd member yelled out, “You are the bestest president that the USA has ever seen, and that includes Abe Lincoln, Georgie Washington, and Millie Fillmore.”
Trump beamed with joyous joy, and actually did a somersault on stage, accidentally hitting a secret service agent in the head and causing Melania to exclaim “Hey ju my shubby orange bozo estop acting like ju are Chakeera, before ju crack one of jur freegeen reebs ju silly fokker.”
IN OTHER NEWS – Italy is recalling 4.3 million pizzas it was shipping to the USA because they were found to contain traces of the Coronavirus.


thespoof--2020-03-07--Trump Visit to Tornado-Torn Nashville Inflicts Second Natural Disaster in One Week

Following two devastating tornadoes that left parts of Nashville , Tennessee , in ruins , Donald Trump visited the still-dazed city , thereby inflicting the second natural disaster on the city in the space of one week .
“ Tornadoes are bad enough , but the negative energy Trump brings is truly toxic , ” said East Nashville resident , Jake McCabe .
“ Arguably worse than coronavirus.
” Referring to Trump ’ s token – and much-delayed – 2018 visit to Puerto Rico in the wake of Hurricane Maria , McCabe ’ s wife , Katie , said , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ throw some paper towels at us.
” Some Nashville residents even went so far as to quarantine themselves during Trump ’ s visit – not out of fear of coronavirus , but out of concern that , in their emotionally-vulnerable post-tornado state , they would not be able to withstand the trauma of the president ’ s visit .
“ It ’ s bad enough knowing he ’ s our president , ” said Alissa Meyer , “ but right now , I don ’ t think I can withstand seeing it with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ relief work is a lot less difficult , ” agreed Matt Butler .
“ I guess the best way to put it is , suffering is one thing , but evil is another .
Not to sound like a wuss , but one of those is a lot easier to bear . ''
And Kevin Forton summed up the sentiment of many Nashvillians .
`` I 'll take a tornado over Trump any day .
They may be destructive , but at least they 're not malevolent - and they do n't discriminate @ @

Following two devastating tornadoes that left parts of Nashville, Tennessee, in ruins, Donald Trump visited the still-dazed city, thereby inflicting the second natural disaster on the city in the space of one week.
“Tornadoes are bad enough, but the negative energy Trump brings is truly toxic,” said East Nashville resident, Jake McCabe. “Arguably worse than coronavirus.”
Referring to Trump’s token – and much-delayed – 2018 visit to Puerto Rico in the wake of Hurricane Maria, McCabe’s wife, Katie, said, “Well, maybe he’ll throw some paper towels at us.”
Some Nashville residents even went so far as to quarantine themselves during Trump’s visit – not out of fear of coronavirus, but out of concern that, in their emotionally-vulnerable post-tornado state, they would not be able to withstand the trauma of the president’s visit. “It’s bad enough knowing he’s our president,” said Alissa Meyer, “but right now, I don’t think I can withstand seeing it with my own eyes.”
“Doing tornado relief work is a lot less difficult,” agreed Matt Butler. “I guess the best way to put it is, suffering is one thing, but evil is another. Not to sound like a wuss, but one of those is a lot easier to bear."
And Kevin Forton summed up the sentiment of many Nashvillians. "I'll take a tornado over Trump any day. They may be destructive, but at least they're not malevolent - and they don't discriminate."


thespoof--2020-03-07--Trump Angrily Tells Sean Hannity That Fox News Is Starting To Become CNN Jr.

NEW YORK CITY – The president , Donald Trump , has had a text fest with the prince of Fox News , Sean Hannity , and Trump was not a happy camper , as they say over in Yellowstone National Park .
Trump is said to have told Hannity that he ’ s tired of seeing Democrats appear on Fox News shows .
He texted that he is pissed that his personal TV Network has gone from being 100 % for him , down to about 79 % for him .
POTUS emphasized that he is going to insist that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a Democrat appear on , what he calls , The Official White House Network .
Hannity , who is considered to be the # 1 Trump ass-kisser , with Mitch “ The Turtle Bitch ” McConnell running a close second , told the president that he is the closest thing to a king that we have ever had .
Sean , who Kathy Griffin refers to as `` Girly Lips '' knows how to work the Trumpski .
He told him that he would be sending over a dozen Big Macs and four @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
IN NON-RELATED NEWS – Billionaire Mike “ Money Pockets ” Bloomberg told the iNews Agency that he will gladly spend $ 1 billion to get “ Old Orange Testes ” out of the White House .

NEW YORK CITY – The president, Donald Trump, has had a text fest with the prince of Fox News, Sean Hannity, and Trump was not a happy camper, as they say over in Yellowstone National Park.
Trump is said to have told Hannity that he’s tired of seeing Democrats appear on Fox News shows. He texted that he is pissed that his personal TV Network has gone from being 100% for him, down to about 79% for him.
POTUS emphasized that he is going to insist that no one at Fox ever again have a Democrat appear on, what he calls, The Official White House Network.
Hannity, who is considered to be the #1 Trump ass-kisser, with Mitch “The Turtle Bitch” McConnell running a close second, told the president that he is the closest thing to a king that we have ever had.
Sean, who Kathy Griffin refers to as "Girly Lips" knows how to work the Trumpski. He told him that he would be sending over a dozen Big Macs and four pounds of french fries just for him.
IN NON-RELATED NEWS – Billionaire Mike “Money Pockets” Bloomberg told the iNews Agency that he will gladly spend $1 billion to get “Old Orange Testes” out of the White House.


thespoof--2020-03-07--Tom Arnold Talks About that Secret Tape That Allegedly Shows President Trump Using The “N” Word

LOS ANGELES – Former comedian and husband to Rosanne Barr , Tom Arnold recently spoke to a reporter with The Los Angeles Post-Gazette .
Arnold was asked about the alleged secret tape he has that shows President Trump using the “ N ” word .
The man that Rosanne Barr , his ex-wife , called `` Nervous Nelly '' , suddenly became as nervous as a monkey in a tiger cage , and he refused to comment .
It is no secret that the ex-Mr. Rosanne Barr and Trump had a devastating falling-out several years ago during their time together @ @ @ @ @ @ @ antics got to the point where POTUS actually instructed his first daughter Ivanka to kick Arnold in his onions , which the `` White House Barbie '' did without batting a false eyelash .
Arnold did admit that he had planned to release the tape , but that an unnamed source whose name rhymes with ‘ dump ’ told him that , if he did release the tape , he would end up in the coldest part of Siberia , naked as a jaybird .
IN CLOSING – Tom Arnold wants everyone to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that Trump used on the tape was “ Nutrition .
”

LOS ANGELES – Former comedian and husband to Rosanne Barr, Tom Arnold recently spoke to a reporter with The Los Angeles Post-Gazette.
Arnold was asked about the alleged secret tape he has that shows President Trump using the “N” word.
The man that Rosanne Barr, his ex-wife, called "Nervous Nelly", suddenly became as nervous as a monkey in a tiger cage, and he refused to comment.
It is no secret that the ex-Mr. Rosanne Barr and Trump had a devastating falling-out several years ago during their time together on “The Apprentice.”
The backstage antics got to the point where POTUS actually instructed his first daughter Ivanka to kick Arnold in his onions, which the "White House Barbie" did without batting a false eyelash.
Arnold did admit that he had planned to release the tape, but that an unnamed source whose name rhymes with ‘dump’ told him that, if he did release the tape, he would end up in the coldest part of Siberia, naked as a jaybird.
IN CLOSING – Tom Arnold wants everyone to know that the “N” word that Trump used on the tape was “Nutrition.”


thespoof--2020-03-06--34 Members of Vogelcheck Family Come Down With Coronavirus After Holiday Event

New Warsaw , Iowa - The sanitary practices of a local family have been called into question , after almost @ @ @ @ @ were tested positive for coronavirus at a North Side Hospital .
Local health officials immediately @ @ @ @ @ family members , and quarantined several households belonging to Vogelcheck relatives to prevent spread of @ @ @ @ @ .
A few non-family members who attended the family get-together event reported that it was @ @ @ @ @ acquaintances at the door by french kissing , licking face and generally slobbering on everyone @ @ @ @ @ This is how we welcome our loved ones in the old country .
We do @ @ @ @ @ , ' said patriarch , Dimitri Vogelcheck , before leaving to visit his physician nearby @

New Warsaw, Iowa - The sanitary practices of a local family have been called into question, after almost three dozen extended family members were tested positive for coronavirus at a North Side Hospital.
Local health officials immediately cordoned-off the residences belonging to family members, and quarantined several households belonging to Vogelcheck relatives to prevent spread of the virus to the community.
A few non-family members who attended the family get-together event reported that it was customary to greet family and acquaintances at the door by french kissing, licking face and generally slobbering on everyone entering the premises.
"This is how we welcome our loved ones in the old country. We don't understand everyone's concern,' said patriarch, Dimitri Vogelcheck, before leaving to visit his physician nearby.


thespoof--2020-03-08--ISIS suicide dog training camp raided

ISIS suicide dog training camp raided

A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies , to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions , has been raided by allied Special Forces .
The camp , located in Northern Afghanistan , is understood to have been wiped out , with dozens of puppies executed and their trainers captured .
General Jake Hood , of the US Rangers claimed the mission was a `` success '' .
`` These beasts were being fitted with suicide collars , and trained to befriend allied troops .
At a certain point , their collars would have detonated , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ poodles , a couple of dachshunds , and some cute terrier puppies , who were being brainwashed . ''
No US or UK troops were hurt in the daring raid , and much intelligence was gathered .
A spokesman said , `` Basically , they were promising these dogs squeaky toys and tennis balls to join them .
Many of the dogs were convinced that , on their deaths , they would be rewarded in dog heaven with the legs of 50 virgins , which they could dry hump . ''
A report @ @ @ @ @ @ @ brought in for questioning , has raised eyebrows .
`` I hope these dogs are not tortured to get information , '' said one man .
`` If interrogators pretend to throw balls , then hide them behind their backs , and then say 'where 's the ball ?
where 's the ball ? '
, then that really makes us as bad as them .
Does n't it ? ''

A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies, to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions, has been raided by allied Special Forces.
The camp, located in Northern Afghanistan, is understood to have been wiped out, with dozens of puppies executed and their trainers captured. General Jake Hood, of the US Rangers claimed the mission was a "success".
"These beasts were being fitted with suicide collars, and trained to befriend allied troops. At a certain point, their collars would have detonated, causing untold carnage. We executed several poodles, a couple of dachshunds, and some cute terrier puppies, who were being brainwashed."
No US or UK troops were hurt in the daring raid, and much intelligence was gathered.
A spokesman said, "Basically, they were promising these dogs squeaky toys and tennis balls to join them. Many of the dogs were convinced that, on their deaths, they would be rewarded in dog heaven with the legs of 50 virgins, which they could dry hump."
A report that several dogs were captured, and brought in for questioning, has raised eyebrows.
"I hope these dogs are not tortured to get information," said one man. "If interrogators pretend to throw balls, then hide them behind their backs, and then say 'where's the ball? where's the ball?', then that really makes us as bad as them. Doesn't it?"


thespoof--2020-03-07--Hold your nose apparatus to be available for the November election

An American tradition over the past several decades has at last delivered a product promising big returns for the manufacturer .
Candidates running for high office , especially in recent years , have been noticed as having something of an odor trailing after them .
Against this problem , “ the lesser evil ” bromide is offered to get out the vote .
Barack Obama was “ the lesser evil ” in 2012 's presidential contest , Hillary Clinton in 2016 , and today ?
Mr. Perez , Chair of the DNC : “ Well , I do n't know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on the dementia problem with Mr. Biden , let me get back to you on that.
” In a sort of Greek Chorus , DNC reps and media people are also claiming Mr. Biden is far less dangerous than Mr. Trump—as to being influenced and led by foreigners .
However , in contrast , he is currently being sued by a prosecutor from Ukraine for doing exactly the opposite -- interfering in the Ukraine !
Mr. Biden 's odor here arose when he threatened to withhold a billion in aid money , plus @ @ @ @ @ @ @ son 's cushy job with Burisma Holdings should be fired .
Now , as to the Bernie Sanders Phenomenon , Mr. Perez replied : “ Do n't get me started on that !
The man is under the influence of everyone from Fidel Castro back to Karl Marx and Stalin and Attila the Hun before that !
” It all comes down to : Who is worst ?
Then hold your nose and vote for the lesser evil , They are all evil , yes , but who is the least evil of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who is n't trailing a certain odor these days ?
” In response to this problem , various products have emerged in the past , such as swab tests ; odor meters measuring stench levels ; perfumed ballots ; toilets in voting halls which play music while being used .
The latest innovation is an apparatus with clothes-pin like device mounted to pinch the nostrils -- ” 100 % odor deletion ; breathe through your mouth.
” Further , the deluxe model includes a surgical Covid-19 mask attached securely below the nose @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ultimate protection ” in case there are any outbreaks of the virus while a citizen is waiting his/her turn at the voting booth for six hours in California , Texas , or wherever .

An American tradition over the past several decades has at last delivered a product promising big returns for the manufacturer.
Candidates running for high office, especially in recent years, have been noticed as having something of an odor trailing after them.
Against this problem, “the lesser evil” bromide is offered to get out the vote.
Barack Obama was “the lesser evil” in 2012's presidential contest, Hillary Clinton in 2016, and today?
Mr. Perez, Chair of the DNC: “Well, I don't know that evil applies here. Now, on the dementia problem with Mr. Biden, let me get back to you on that.”
In a sort of Greek Chorus, DNC reps and media people are also claiming Mr. Biden is far less dangerous than Mr. Trump—as to being influenced and led by foreigners.
However, in contrast, he is currently being sued by a prosecutor from Ukraine for doing exactly the opposite--interfering in the Ukraine!
Mr. Biden's odor here arose when he threatened to withhold a billion in aid money, plus he insisted the Ukraine prosecutor investigating his son's cushy job with Burisma Holdings should be fired.
Now, as to the Bernie Sanders Phenomenon, Mr. Perez replied:
“Don't get me started on that! The man is under the influence of everyone from Fidel Castro back to Karl Marx and Stalin and Attila the Hun before that!”
The hold-your-nose principle explained
It all comes down to: Who is worst?
Then hold your nose and vote for the lesser evil,
They are all evil, yes, but who is the least evil of the proffered candidates? Sure, look, who isn't trailing a certain odor these days?”
In response to this problem, various products have emerged in the past, such as swab tests; odor meters measuring stench levels; perfumed ballots; toilets in voting halls which play music while being used.
The latest innovation is an apparatus with clothes-pin like device mounted to pinch the nostrils--”100% odor deletion; breathe through your mouth.”
Further, the deluxe model includes a surgical Covid-19 mask attached securely below the nose pin apparatus.
The latter is “ultimate protection” in case there are any outbreaks of the virus while a citizen is waiting his/her turn at the voting booth for six hours in California, Texas, or wherever.


Confused cat killed

A black cat called 'Mike ' , who successfully sued his former owner for not recognizing that he is in fact a white dog trapped inside the wrong body with the wrong-colored skin , has died .
The lawsuit , which was filed last week in Fort Lauderdale , Florida , stated that Mike 's former owner was : Transphobic , Racist , Unsympathetic , Cruel , Bullying and Selfish .
Mike , who was 8 ( 52 years in cat age ) was awarded $ 10,000,000 .
`` If a man can say he is a woman , a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a white woman claims that she is a black woman , then it is perfectly acceptable for a cat to claim he is a dog ( in a cat 's body ) and white ( even though his fur is jet black ) .
I hope this ruling opens the floodgates for others to sue anyone who does n't accept that nature is not always right , '' said lawyer Thomas Barnes , who had represented MIke before his death .
Mike though , was killed yesterday , after he was ripped apart @ @ @ @ @ @ @ kennel where he was staying , after his new owners placed him there while they took a cruise .
A spokesman for the kennels said Mike could have survived if he had n't been spotted by the other dogs , meowing , chasing a red dot and trying to cover up his shit .

A black cat called 'Mike', who successfully sued his former owner for not recognizing that he is in fact a white dog trapped inside the wrong body with the wrong-colored skin, has died.
The lawsuit, which was filed last week in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, stated that Mike's former owner was: Transphobic, Racist, Unsympathetic, Cruel, Bullying and Selfish. Mike, who was 8(52 years in cat age) was awarded $10,000,000.
"If a man can say he is a woman, a woman claim she is male, and a white woman claims that she is a black woman, then it is perfectly acceptable for a cat to claim he is a dog (in a cat's body) and white (even though his fur is jet black). I hope this ruling opens the floodgates for others to sue anyone who doesn't accept that nature is not always right," said lawyer Thomas Barnes, who had represented MIke before his death.
Mike though, was killed yesterday, after he was ripped apart by several pit bulls at the dog kennel where he was staying, after his new owners placed him there while they took a cruise. A spokesman for the kennels said Mike could have survived if he hadn't been spotted by the other dogs, meowing, chasing a red dot and trying to cover up his shit.