thespoof--2020-12-19--The President Trump/Ann Coulter Feud Erupts

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – There is no one on the face of the earth who loves feuding with people more than Donald J. Trump .
And old # 45 has just ignited a lava-hot feud with his old political nemesis , Ann `` Horse Face '' Coulter .
Left Coast Mirror Magazine ’ s Tequila Tallyho , has said that POTUS will go down in history as several things : for one , he will be the president who played and cheated at golf more than anybody .
Secondly , he will forever be known @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 41 women a total of $ 6.1 million in hush money .
And thirdly , he will be known as the “ Feud Master , ” having feuded with no less than 94 individuals , in his 4-year term .
President Trump has just fired off some shots as the GOP ’ s human swizzle stick , Ann Coulter .
Trump is still very angry at Coulter , who said that she had talked to Stormy Daniels , who divulged that Spanky ’ s penis was about the size of a Vienna Sausage @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about as much business being president as a flamingo has of running in the Belmont Stakes Horse Race .
When Trump got wind of Coulter ’ s comments , he said that the fake blond bitch is so damn coyote-ugly , she makes cow shit look pretty .
He then implied that the 59-year-old has n't had sex in so long , her vagina is covered with spider webs .
Some of Trump ’ s most noted feuds have involved him and Kathy Griffin , Pope Francis , Colin Kaepernick , Queen Elizabeth @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rapper Black Kitty Meow Meow .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – There is no one on the face of the earth who loves feuding with people more than Donald J. Trump.
And old #45 has just ignited a lava-hot feud with his old political nemesis, Ann "Horse Face" Coulter.
Left Coast Mirror Magazine’s Tequila Tallyho, has said that POTUS will go down in history as several things: for one, he will be the president who played and cheated at golf more than anybody.
Secondly, he will forever be known as the fella who paid at least 41 women a total of $6.1 million in hush money.
And thirdly, he will be known as the “Feud Master,” having feuded with no less than 94 individuals, in his 4-year term.
President Trump has just fired off some shots as the GOP’s human swizzle stick, Ann Coulter.
Trump is still very angry at Coulter, who said that she had talked to Stormy Daniels, who divulged that Spanky’s penis was about the size of a Vienna Sausage.
Coulter also said that Trump had about as much business being president as a flamingo has of running in the Belmont Stakes Horse Race.
When Trump got wind of Coulter’s comments, he said that the fake blond bitch is so damn coyote-ugly, she makes cow shit look pretty.
He then implied that the 59-year-old hasn't had sex in so long, her vagina is covered with spider webs.
Some of Trump’s most noted feuds have involved him and Kathy Griffin, Pope Francis, Colin Kaepernick, Queen Elizabeth, Dora the Explorer, and gay rapper Black Kitty Meow Meow.


thespoof--2020-12-19--Following C19 Vaccination, Mike Pence Grows an Extra Thumb

The media is currently awash with Covid anti-vaccination scare stories , none of which help in the fight against this malevolent and destructive virus .
So , it came as a bitter blow to the medical profession that , following a very public inoculation with the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine , on the hand of the arm that received the jab Vice President Mike Pence has mysteriously grown an extra thumb .
The Trump administration in general , and specifically the blond comb-over cretin himself , has been spinning the news hard to herald the breakthrough in developing a vaccine as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the news that this vaccine has produced what can only be described as a freakish side effect in Albino morons will have come as a body blow to Trump and his sycophantic Trumpettes .
This hasn ’ t prevented the narcissistic Trump heralding this as a ‘ planned-for ’ positive entirely down to his foresight and genius .
“ We ’ re all delighted for Mike , ” crowed Trump , bellowing through a megaphone to a hastily assembled press pack socially distanced round the back of The White House in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ vaccine myself , so that at the end of the vaccine roll-out period , Americans alone in all the world will have more than the average number of thumbs.
” The narcissistic adulterer then went on to add , “ Monkeys and their like aside , opposing thumbs are what separated mankind from lower shithole species such as mice and armadillos .
Now , mankind will rise even further above those hairy tree-swinging f*ckers by having a few extra thumbs each .
How ’ s about that for strategic planning guys ?
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fly-luring VP has grown this extra appendage has not gone down well everywhere .
First out of the traps to criticize this bizarre side effect was Dr Fauci .
Speaking to the cub reporter form the UK comic The Beano from inside his all enveloping virus-proof prosthetic capsule , Fauci barked , “ What the hell ’ s the matter with Trump ?
This is NOT good news !
In a matter of hours following his vaccination , Pence has grown an extra thumb on his left hand !
JEEZ !
What they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that the sucker ’ s over two feet long !
What else will he have grown by tomorrow morning , an extra dick ?
We have to stop the roll-out of this vaccination program immediately !
” When the news of the freakish development on Pence ’ s hand reached China , a spokesman for the state-sponsored virus , Dr Makem All Sik , said , “ This is precisely what we feared would happen .
Some idiot develops a vaccine .
The next thing you know everybody ’ s immune to our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ extra thumbs .
It ’ s a disaster .
If the Yankees have extra fingers and thumbs on their big fat hands , they might become more dextrous than we Chinese .
They might regain the ability to manufacture all the shit we sell them , and our master plan to screw the West will be ruined.
” When the naughtiest member of the UK royal family , Prince ‘ I like ‘ em young and juicy ’ Andrew , heard Dr Fauci ’ s comments , he immediately applied for a vaccination @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Hmm… over two feet long , eh ?
We could all use an extra dick .
”

The media is currently awash with Covid anti-vaccination scare stories, none of which help in the fight against this malevolent and destructive virus. So, it came as a bitter blow to the medical profession that, following a very public inoculation with the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccine, on the hand of the arm that received the jab Vice President Mike Pence has mysteriously grown an extra thumb.
The Trump administration in general, and specifically the blond comb-over cretin himself, has been spinning the news hard to herald the breakthrough in developing a vaccine as Trump’s personal achievement. So, the news that this vaccine has produced what can only be described as a freakish side effect in Albino morons will have come as a body blow to Trump and his sycophantic Trumpettes. This hasn’t prevented the narcissistic Trump heralding this as a ‘planned-for’ positive entirely down to his foresight and genius.
“We’re all delighted for Mike,” crowed Trump, bellowing through a megaphone to a hastily assembled press pack socially distanced round the back of The White House in the dumpster compound, “I designed the vaccine myself, so that at the end of the vaccine roll-out period, Americans alone in all the world will have more than the average number of thumbs.”
The narcissistic adulterer then went on to add, “Monkeys and their like aside, opposing thumbs are what separated mankind from lower shithole species such as mice and armadillos. Now, mankind will rise even further above those hairy tree-swinging f*ckers by having a few extra thumbs each. How’s about that for strategic planning guys?”
However, the news that the white-haired fly-luring VP has grown this extra appendage has not gone down well everywhere. First out of the traps to criticize this bizarre side effect was Dr Fauci.
Speaking to the cub reporter form the UK comic The Beano from inside his all enveloping virus-proof prosthetic capsule, Fauci barked, “What the hell’s the matter with Trump? This is NOT good news! In a matter of hours following his vaccination, Pence has grown an extra thumb on his left hand! JEEZ! What they haven’t told the press is that the sucker’s over two feet long! What else will he have grown by tomorrow morning, an extra dick? We have to stop the roll-out of this vaccination program immediately!”
When the news of the freakish development on Pence’s hand reached China, a spokesman for the state-sponsored virus, Dr Makem All Sik, said, “This is precisely what we feared would happen. Some idiot develops a vaccine. The next thing you know everybody’s immune to our virus and what’s more have extra thumbs. It’s a disaster. If the Yankees have extra fingers and thumbs on their big fat hands, they might become more dextrous than we Chinese. They might regain the ability to manufacture all the shit we sell them, and our master plan to screw the West will be ruined.”
When the naughtiest member of the UK royal family, Prince ‘I like ‘em young and juicy’ Andrew, heard Dr Fauci’s comments, he immediately applied for a vaccination. He was quoted as saying, “Hmm… over two feet long, eh? We could all use an extra dick.”


thespoof--2020-12-20--No Christmas Gift Pardons For Trump Children

Santa Claus Trump will be passing on his children and the son-in-law ’ s gift pardons before leaving office .
It seems there is a giant conflict .
By accepting pardons , the Trump kids and the son-in-law would be admitting that they broke the law during the past four years , and will have to live with that innuendo in infamy .
Their children will also carry the burden of knowing their parents skipped jail-time because of grandpa ’ s pardon .
With Trump ’ s pardons , the whole world will view the entire family as a group @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were invited to Buckingham Palace and even had tea with the Queen of England .
No .
Not just that .
All of that is true and possible , but it is rumored that the real understanding for skipping their Christmas pardon gifts is that Trump is afraid that his kids and the son-in-law would then have immunity , and could freely testify against him .
If he doesn ’ t give them a Christmas pardon present , the gang could then take The 5th .
Sure , they 'd be admitting that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one would know how exactly , why , or when .
Fishy , but no fish .
So , while it ’ s beginning to look a lot like Christmas , there will be no Christmas pardons for the Trump kids and the son-in-law .
Though it would suggest that the kids and the son-in-law could be going to the slammer , Trump will remain in the clear , unless the kids and the son-in-law decide to rat on dad .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Santa Claus Trump will be passing on his children and the son-in-law’s gift pardons before leaving office. It seems there is a giant conflict.
What?
By accepting pardons, the Trump kids and the son-in-law would be admitting that they broke the law during the past four years, and will have to live with that innuendo in infamy. Their children will also carry the burden of knowing their parents skipped jail-time because of grandpa’s pardon.
With Trump’s pardons, the whole world will view the entire family as a group of grifters, and that these grifters were invited to Buckingham Palace and even had tea with the Queen of England.
No. Not just that. All of that is true and possible, but it is rumored that the real understanding for skipping their Christmas pardon gifts is that Trump is afraid that his kids and the son-in-law would then have immunity, and could freely testify against him.
What?
If he doesn’t give them a Christmas pardon present, the gang could then take The 5th. Sure, they'd be admitting that something illegal went down, but no one would know how exactly, why, or when. Fishy, but no fish.
So, while it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, there will be no Christmas pardons for the Trump kids and the son-in-law. Though it would suggest that the kids and the son-in-law could be going to the slammer, Trump will remain in the clear, unless the kids and the son-in-law decide to rat on dad.
What?
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-20--President Trump Says His Personal $3.2 Million Stimulus Check is in Fact Legal

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The president has informed Anderson Cooper of “ 60 Minutes ” @ @ @ @ @ stimulus check to himself is totally legal and within the guidelines of the presidency .
@ @ @ @ @ , paragraph 9 , of the U.S. Constitution clearly stipulates that the president is entitled @ @ @ @ @ for any of 17 different valid reasons .
POTUS expressed that , under reason number @ @ @ @ @ that , if the president feels that he has lost money due to serving as @ @ @ @ @ give himself a stimulus check , as long as at least three of his presidential @ @ @ @ @ that he has gotten the approval of Ivanka Trump , Eric Trump , and Kayleigh @ @ @ @ @ promise to put at least half of the $ 3.2 million into his personal charity @ @ @ @ @ least $ 500 to the Black Lives Matter movement .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The president has informed Anderson Cooper of “60 Minutes” that his $3.2 government stimulus check to himself is totally legal and within the guidelines of the presidency.
Trump said that section 8, paragraph 9, of the U.S. Constitution clearly stipulates that the president is entitled to a government stimulus check for any of 17 different valid reasons.
POTUS expressed that, under reason number 13, it clearly states that, if the president feels that he has lost money due to serving as president, then he can give himself a stimulus check, as long as at least three of his presidential advisers agree.
DJT said that he has gotten the approval of Ivanka Trump, Eric Trump, and Kayleigh McEnany.
The President did promise to put at least half of the $3.2 million into his personal charity fund, and donate at least $500 to the Black Lives Matter movement.


thespoof--2020-12-20--Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

( Hambone , Alabama ) –Jimmy Gadfly was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared .
According to witnesses , Jimmy was often observed cracking corn , and was repeatedly asked to stop , but adamantly refused .
“ I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking corn in front of everybody like a mad man , ” said one witness who testified against Jimmy .
“ If you want to crack corn , that ’ s your own business , but you shouldn ’ t be doing that kind of stuff in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ long-time friend said that Jimmy was under the false illusion that no one cared if he cracked corn or not .
“ Jimmy cracks corn .
I do n't care , but a lot of people do , ” she said .
When asked if she had ever cracked corn with Jimmy , she declined to comment .
Others recall Jimmy ’ s corn-cracking days began after he came back from the college .
“ Jimmy could probably crack corn in a college town and no one care .
But we ’ re @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we don ’ t cotton to no corn-cracking liberal crap around here , ” said a local pastor .
Not everyone agreed with the verdict .
The owner of an adult bookstore just beyond the county line recalls Jimmy well .
“ Jimmy used to crack corn in here all the time , and I didn ’ t care as long as he bought something .
Hell , cracking corn ain ’ t hurting anybody.
” Jimmy is considered a first-time offender , never in any trouble , except for a minor curds @ @ @ @ @ @ @ merchandise manager at the local Hobby Lobby .
As such , Jimmy will probably be eligible for parole in 7 years with good behavior .
Hambone ’ s police chief hoped that Jimmy could be rehabilitated in prison .
“ Jimmy obviously suffers from the inability to comprehend that people actually care when you crack corn .
This ain ’ t Birmingham .
We ’ re a small town with small town values.
” But not everyone was as empathetic .
One man , reportedly involved in a civil lawsuit against Jimmy , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ equestrian accident , told reporters , `` I 'm glad that corn cracker finally got what he deserved . ''
Also in local news , Peter Pumpkineater was arrested Sunday for kidnapping and false imprisonment of his estranged wife .
Firefighters used the Jaws of Life to free the woman from a make-shift , reinforced pumpkin shell , and took her to a local hospital for evaluation .
According to law enforcement authorities , Peter confessed to the crime , and said , in part , “ That kept that two-timing bitch from @ @ @ @ @ @

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy Gadfly was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was often observed cracking corn, and was repeatedly asked to stop, but adamantly refused.
“I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking corn in front of everybody like a mad man,” said one witness who testified against Jimmy. “If you want to crack corn, that’s your own business, but you shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff in public!” he said.
A long-time friend said that Jimmy was under the false illusion that no one cared if he cracked corn or not. “Jimmy cracks corn. I don't care, but a lot of people do,” she said. When asked if she had ever cracked corn with Jimmy, she declined to comment.
Others recall Jimmy’s corn-cracking days began after he came back from the college. “Jimmy could probably crack corn in a college town and no one care. But we’re God-fearing people here in Hambone, and we don’t cotton to no corn-cracking liberal crap around here,” said a local pastor.
Not everyone agreed with the verdict. The owner of an adult bookstore just beyond the county line recalls Jimmy well.
“Jimmy used to crack corn in here all the time, and I didn’t care as long as he bought something. Hell, cracking corn ain’t hurting anybody.”
Jimmy is considered a first-time offender, never in any trouble, except for a minor curds and whey incident with Miss Muffet, merchandise manager at the local Hobby Lobby. As such, Jimmy will probably be eligible for parole in 7 years with good behavior.
Hambone’s police chief hoped that Jimmy could be rehabilitated in prison.
“Jimmy obviously suffers from the inability to comprehend that people actually care when you crack corn. This ain’t Birmingham. We’re a small town with small town values.”
But not everyone was as empathetic. One man, reportedly involved in a civil lawsuit against Jimmy, years ago, alleging negligence in an equestrian accident, told reporters, " I'm glad that corn cracker finally got what he deserved."
Also in local news, Peter Pumpkineater was arrested Sunday for kidnapping and false imprisonment of his estranged wife. Firefighters used the Jaws of Life to free the woman from a make-shift, reinforced pumpkin shell, and took her to a local hospital for evaluation.
According to law enforcement authorities, Peter confessed to the crime, and said, in part, “That kept that two-timing bitch from running around pretty well!"


thespoof--2020-12-21--Waiter Wants Lockdown To Go On Indefinitely

A man who has been told to stay away from work due to attempts to stem the flow of the Coronavirus , has said he hopes the lockdown will last long enough for his employer to go into liquidation , so that he will be saved from going back to work .
Andrew Skivvy , 35 , who works at La Dolce Eater in Queens , was the subject of an earlier report in these pages , in February of this year , at which time he said he was fed up of waiting , having spent 16 years in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Skivvy , who had been back at work for two months , before being laid off again a week ago .
Married , with two young children , he knows that , even though he hates work with a rare passion , the capitalist society that we live in dictates that things must be paid for , with money , and to get money , we have to earn it .
Having worked as a waiter since he left school , however , and having had to put up with the behavior of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ liked to have bashed in , he 's now at the end of his tether .
Despite this , he conceded , in a rare moment of clarity , that : '' I suppose I can be relied upon to put food on the table . ''

A man who has been told to stay away from work due to attempts to stem the flow of the Coronavirus, has said he hopes the lockdown will last long enough for his employer to go into liquidation, so that he will be saved from going back to work.
Andrew Skivvy, 35, who works at La Dolce Eater in Queens, was the subject of an earlier report in these pages, in February of this year, at which time he said he was fed up of waiting, having spent 16 years in service.
Things have not improved for Skivvy, who had been back at work for two months, before being laid off again a week ago.
Married, with two young children, he knows that, even though he hates work with a rare passion, the capitalist society that we live in dictates that things must be paid for, with money, and to get money, we have to earn it .
Having worked as a waiter since he left school, however, and having had to put up with the behavior of many customers whose brains he would have liked to have bashed in, he's now at the end of his tether.
Despite this, he conceded, in a rare moment of clarity, that:
"I suppose I can be relied upon to put food on the table."


thespoof--2020-12-22--Historians Have Decided that Donald Trump's Presidency Really Was the Number One…..Train Wreck.

Washington - The nation 's most important historian group , the American Society of Historians , called their annual meeting to order last week and , at the end of the Trump presidency , decided to rank the President 's accomplishments and positive affects on American society .
Trump and some of his most ardent supporters , called by some cult members , have insisted this year that Trump was the greatest president since Lincoln , or maybe Washington .
Trump most recently proclaimed that he had done more for African American citizens than any president , except `` perhaps @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tried to have all of their votes thrown out in Philadelphia , Detroit , Milwaukee and Atlanta .
The group , after several hours of discussion , did indeed rank the Trump Administration as leading several categories .
These include most corrupt , foremost attempt at dividing the population along racial , religious and political lines , most rewarding to donors , most damaging to Democracy and free elections , and finally the most prone to lying of any president .
`` Trump clinched the award with his performance of the last month @ @ @ @ @ @ @ after losing the vote by 7 million , and threatening to institute martial law if he was n't returned to office , '' said one attendee , who wished to remain anonymous because he might be hunted down by Trump 's militia fanatics .

Washington - The nation's most important historian group, the American Society of Historians, called their annual meeting to order last week and, at the end of the Trump presidency, decided to rank the President's accomplishments and positive affects on American society.
Trump and some of his most ardent supporters, called by some cult members, have insisted this year that Trump was the greatest president since Lincoln, or maybe Washington. Trump most recently proclaimed that he had done more for African American citizens than any president, except "perhaps Lincoln", at least before he tried to have all of their votes thrown out in Philadelphia, Detroit, Milwaukee and Atlanta.
The group, after several hours of discussion, did indeed rank the Trump Administration as leading several categories. These include most corrupt, foremost attempt at dividing the population along racial, religious and political lines, most rewarding to donors, most damaging to Democracy and free elections, and finally the most prone to lying of any president.
"Trump clinched the award with his performance of the last month, insisting he had won another term after losing the vote by 7 million, and threatening to institute martial law if he wasn't returned to office," said one attendee, who wished to remain anonymous because he might be hunted down by Trump's militia fanatics.


thespoof--2020-12-21--Just Call Me Dr. Slim

Just Call Me Dr. Slim

BILLINGSGATE POST : Slim Everdingle reached for the sky and finally found it .
Today , after years of postponed achievement , he will receive a Doctorate in Forensic Micro-Sleuthing from La Fontaine College , located in Marondera , a city in Mashonaland East , Zimbabwe .
Not to be confused with La Fontaine College on Grand Cayman Island , where Dr. Billingsgate received an unprecedented twelve doctorates , the college in Marondera was chosen by Dr .
Slim because it was located in a country which values education , but where his ethnicity , background and previous academic achievement @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , it is one of the only colleges to offer a doctorate in his chosen field .
It is noteworthy that a graduate of this college solved the mystery of the disappearance of Patrice Lamumba , the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo .
Through the tireless sleuthing of Dr. Evan Mahatma , who did his postgraduate work at La Fontaine College , a rib bone of Lamumba was found in the stomach X-RAY ’ s of his political rival , Joseph Kasa-Vubu .
In 1965 , Kasa-Vubu @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trifecta of crimes ; murder , cannibalism and hiding forensic evidence in his tummy .
Because of the nature of his degree , no pictures of Dr.
Slim ’ s graduation were taken .
Dr .
Slim : “ Mom and Dad would be proud of me .
They thought I was stunted.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dr. Dude .
Hope you don ’ t rest on your laurels .
We got work to do .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Slim Everdingle reached for the sky and finally found it. Today, after years of postponed achievement, he will receive a Doctorate in Forensic Micro-Sleuthing from La Fontaine College, located in Marondera, a city in Mashonaland East, Zimbabwe.
Not to be confused with La Fontaine College on Grand Cayman Island, where Dr. Billingsgate received an unprecedented twelve doctorates, the college in Marondera was chosen by Dr. Slim because it was located in a country which values education, but where his ethnicity, background and previous academic achievement, would not be scrutinized. Also, it is one of the only colleges to offer a doctorate in his chosen field.
It is noteworthy that a graduate of this college solved the mystery of the disappearance of Patrice Lamumba, the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo. Through the tireless sleuthing of Dr. Evan Mahatma, who did his postgraduate work at La Fontaine College, a rib bone of Lamumba was found in the stomach X-RAY’s of his political rival, Joseph Kasa-Vubu. In 1965, Kasa-Vubu was executed by firing squad for a trifecta of crimes; murder, cannibalism and hiding forensic evidence in his tummy.
Because of the nature of his degree, no pictures of Dr. Slim’s graduation were taken.
Dr. Slim: “Mom and Dad would be proud of me. They thought I was stunted.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Hope you don’t rest on your laurels. We got work to do.”


thespoof--2020-12-21--Santa rushed to ER after Fauci needle at The North Pole

The first week of vaccine roll-out led to only 3,000 anaphylactic emergency responses out of some 80,000 injections .
This percentage is well within the 5 % danger possibilities of the new vaccines .
The anaphylactic allergic response leads to fainting plus difficulty breathing , and requires emergency treatment , including a shot of epinephrine .
Intensive care in a hospital may be required .
Some hospitals have halted giving the Covid-19 injections to frontline workers , plus the CDC and the FBI are investigating these allergic reactions .
Caught up in this week 's anaphylactic toll , however , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The story begins with Mr. Fauci on Sesame Street over the weekend as reported by RT News .
When children asked whether Santa could still deliver , what with all the lockdowns and stuff , Mr. Fauci responded : “ I took care of that for you , because I was worried that you ’ d all be upset .
So what I did a little while ago , I took a trip up there to the North Pole .
I went there , and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself .
I measured @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s good to go.
” But inside sources indicate more to the story .
Mr. Fauci found Santa in his toy warehouse lying on a box that looked like a coffin -- in case it might be needed .
`` But what about all these stories about allergic reactions , father ? ''
Santa asked , apparently confusing Mr. Fauci with a priest .
“ Your chances are better by getting a shot , ” Mr. Fauci told Santa .
`` Well , by my math , father , the current death @ @ @ @ @ @ @ -- 350 thousand deaths versus 350 million population .
Those odds seem better . ''
`` What do you mean ? ''
`` Well , the odds of this allergic reaction or worse ( and who knows about the long-range side effects ) are 5 % with this Pfizer vaccine . ''
`` But the vaccine is a sure thing . ''
`` At 95 % effective only , father .
Odds for not getting the thing in the first place are better at one percent ! ''
`` Could we have a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had or not is unknown , but following the jab , Santa went anaphylactic -- passed out , shuddering .
Fauci promptly hitched reindeers to Santa 's sleigh , loaded the big man on , and headed for Emergency Vaccination and Resuscitation Services .
The US Congress has responded by adding funds to its new stimulus bill for the terrible economy due to the lockdowns .
Chimney deliveries will be delivered free by Amazon -- to all households with Prime card subscription .

The first week of vaccine roll-out led to only 3,000 anaphylactic emergency responses out of some 80,000 injections.
This percentage is well within the 5% danger possibilities of the new vaccines.
The anaphylactic allergic response leads to fainting plus difficulty breathing, and requires emergency treatment, including a shot of epinephrine.
Intensive care in a hospital may be required.
Some hospitals have halted giving the Covid-19 injections to frontline workers, plus the CDC and the FBI are investigating these allergic reactions.
Caught up in this week's anaphylactic toll, however, was one celebrity that surprised everybody.
The story begins with Mr. Fauci on Sesame Street over the weekend as reported by RT News.
When children asked whether Santa could still deliver, what with all the lockdowns and stuff, Mr. Fauci responded:
“I took care of that for you, because I was worried that you’d all be upset. So what I did a little while ago, I took a trip up there to the North Pole. I went there, and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself. I measured his level of immunity, and he’s good to go.”
But inside sources indicate more to the story.
Mr. Fauci found Santa in his toy warehouse lying on a box that looked like a coffin--in case it might be needed.
"But what about all these stories about allergic reactions, father?" Santa asked, apparently confusing Mr. Fauci with a priest.
“Your chances are better by getting a shot,” Mr. Fauci told Santa.
"Well, by my math, father, the current death rate in the US is 1%--350 thousand deaths versus 350 million population. Those odds seem better."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the odds of this allergic reaction or worse (and who knows about the long-range side effects) are 5% with this Pfizer vaccine."
"But the vaccine is a sure thing."
"At 95% effective only, father. Odds for not getting the thing in the first place are better at one percent!"
"Nonsense. Prepare your arm."
"Could we have a whiskey first?"
Whether whiskeys were had or not is unknown, but following the jab, Santa went anaphylactic--passed out, shuddering.
Fauci promptly hitched reindeers to Santa's sleigh, loaded the big man on, and headed for Emergency Vaccination and Resuscitation Services.
The US Congress has responded by adding funds to its new stimulus bill for the terrible economy due to the lockdowns.
Chimney deliveries will be delivered free by Amazon--to all households with Prime card subscription.


thespoof--2020-12-21--Father Christmas arrested by Milwaukee Police

That busy old Christmas character , Santa Claus , or Father Christmas to some people , has been arrested in @ @ @ @ @ public drunkeness and exposing himself in a public place .
The jolly red-suited fellow was @ @ @ @ @ took him into custody .
The bearded one was trying to test his alcoholic limits @ @ @ @ @ breached earlier than he thought .
He frolicked in the city streets for hours , @ @ @ @ @ of his appendage .
When police finally found him , Santa was stuck up an @ @ @ @ @ bottle of whisky .
His Christmas was coming to an embarrassing end .

That busy old Christmas character, Santa Claus, or Father Christmas to some people, has been arrested in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, for public drunkeness and exposing himself in a public place. The jolly red-suited fellow was not so chipper when police took him into custody.
The bearded one was trying to test his alcoholic limits when his human boundaries were breached earlier than he thought. He frolicked in the city streets for hours, and gave passers-by a sight of his appendage. When police finally found him, Santa was stuck up an oak tree, seeking another bottle of whisky. His Christmas was coming to an embarrassing end.


thespoof--2020-12-21--How Trump Still Thinks He Can Overturn Election And Beat Biden

Be Best never looked so radiant since Trump lost the election .
Suddenly , she ’ s smiling ear to ear , and holding his hand .
Her gaze is upright , no longer looking down at her next step .
However , a storm may be approaching from the north .
Why ?
Because Donald Trump still thinks he can beat Joe Biden !
Who knew he had such imagination ?
While the Electoral College has voted and already certified the election , clearly presenting Joe Biden as the winner , Trump can ’ t believe he lost .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ still believes he can win .
Flynn ’ s smoke .
Trump is taking the twice-confessed perjurer Mike Flynn ’ s analysis of how to turn over the 2020 election and remain in office .
Is a twice-confessed felon even allowed in the White House ?
Anyway , Flynn advised Trump to announce that the voting machines were crooked , just like Hillary .
Then Trump could enact martial law ; it ’ s a presidential tool ; it ’ s been used over sixty times before , let the military take over @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wink , wink ) , the new votes will be for Trump .
Trump will be in like Flynn for the next four more years , or maybe even forever until Don Jr. takes over .
Learning of Flynn ’ s advice , the smiles faded from the face of Be Best , followed by her gaze dropping to the ground and flicking away Trump ’ s hand .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Be Best never looked so radiant since Trump lost the election. Suddenly, she’s smiling ear to ear, and holding his hand. Her gaze is upright, no longer looking down at her next step.
However, a storm may be approaching from the north. Why? Because Donald Trump still thinks he can beat Joe Biden!
Who knew he had such imagination?
While the Electoral College has voted and already certified the election, clearly presenting Joe Biden as the winner, Trump can’t believe he lost. He refuses to concede, and he still believes he can win.
What’s Trump smoking?
Flynn’s smoke. Trump is taking the twice-confessed perjurer Mike Flynn’s analysis of how to turn over the 2020 election and remain in office.
Is a twice-confessed felon even allowed in the White House?
Anyway, Flynn advised Trump to announce that the voting machines were crooked, just like Hillary. Then Trump could enact martial law; it’s a presidential tool; it’s been used over sixty times before, let the military take over. Once the military takes over (wink, wink), the new votes will be for Trump.
Trump will be in like Flynn for the next four more years, or maybe even forever until Don Jr. takes over.
The horror.
Learning of Flynn’s advice, the smiles faded from the face of Be Best, followed by her gaze dropping to the ground and flicking away Trump’s hand.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-23--Lori Laughlin Reveals Family Is All Front Line Healthcare Workers

LOS ANGELES - Actress Lori Loughlin and her fashion designer husband Mossimo Gianulli have revealed that their entire family is @ @ @ @ @ workers .
`` This shows my family ’ s dedication to bettering society as a @ @ @ @ @ .
`` We would like to put the whole college incident behind us , and @ @ @ @ @ about this country . ''
Daughters Olivia Jade and Bella are now listed as registered @ @ @ @ @ Center .
Laughlin also revealed that both she and her husband are virologists .
`` @ @ @ @ @ backgrounds quiet in the past , as it would have deflected from our other pursuits @ @ @ @ @ that now is the time to let people know that we are very much medical @ @ @ @ @ providing our services for any emergencies that might come along . ''
As evidence , @ @ @ @ @ the family tending to patients during the 1919 Spanish Flu Pandemic .

LOS ANGELES - Actress Lori Loughlin and her fashion designer husband Mossimo Gianulli have revealed that their entire family is made up of front-line healthcare workers.
"This shows my family’s dedication to bettering society as a whole," said Laughlin. "We would like to put the whole college incident behind us, and show that we really care about this country."
Daughters Olivia Jade and Bella are now listed as registered nurses at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center. Laughlin also revealed that both she and her husband are virologists.
"We have kept our medical backgrounds quiet in the past, as it would have deflected from our other pursuits. However, I feel that now is the time to let people know that we are very much medical professionals, and will be providing our services for any emergencies that might come along."
As evidence, Ms Laughlin provided pictures of the family tending to patients during the 1919 Spanish Flu Pandemic.


thespoof--2020-12-23--You’re A Lying, Dog-Faced One-Horse Pony Soldier

BILLINGSGATE POST : Even the horse flies won ’ t touch this one .
Yesterday , Sleepy Joe , responding to a question concerning the investigation of his crooked son , Hunter , called the reporter “ a one-horse pony.
” That response , in itself , would not indicate that Biden was operating with a short stable .
But like a spavined horse about to be certified as unfit for service because of a underlying physical or mental condition , it all adds up .
Earlier in his campaign , he called a student “ a lying , dog-faced @ @ @ @ @ @ @ going for ponies , or he is off his rocking horse ; neither condition being an indication of presidential stability .
Continuing the pony metaphor , some pundits might look at Biden ’ s too-toothy grin and wonder why his dentist ruined a perfect horse ’ s ass when he put teeth in his mouth .
Why does he so easily fall back on using a horse to describe someone who dissents from his palaver ?
Might it be indicative of it being a Hobson ’ s choice ; which is a choice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at all ?
Etymologically , the origin of a Hobson ’ s choice goes back to the 17th century , where a man named Hobson hired out horses , giving his customer the ‘ choice ’ of one closest to the door or none at all .
Dr .
Slim : “ I wonder if he rides side-saddle ?
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dr .
Slim .
I ’ ve been lonesome in the saddle since my horse died .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Even the horse flies won’t touch this one. Yesterday, Sleepy Joe, responding to a question concerning the investigation of his crooked son, Hunter, called the reporter “a one-horse pony.”
That response, in itself, would not indicate that Biden was operating with a short stable. But like a spavined horse about to be certified as unfit for service because of a underlying physical or mental condition, it all adds up.
Earlier in his campaign, he called a student “a lying, dog-faced pony soldier.” Either he has something going for ponies, or he is off his rocking horse; neither condition being an indication of presidential stability.
Continuing the pony metaphor, some pundits might look at Biden’s too-toothy grin and wonder why his dentist ruined a perfect horse’s ass when he put teeth in his mouth.
Why does he so easily fall back on using a horse to describe someone who dissents from his palaver? Might it be indicative of it being a Hobson’s choice; which is a choice of taking what is available or nothing at all?
Etymologically, the origin of a Hobson’s choice goes back to the 17th century, where a man named Hobson hired out horses, giving his customer the ‘choice’ of one closest to the door or none at all.
Dr. Slim: “I wonder if he rides side-saddle?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Slim. I’ve been lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.”


thespoof--2020-12-23--Ted Bundy shocks the nation again.

Ted Bundy shocks the nation again.

US President-Elect Joseph Biden has shocked every one today by revealing he is not the person that every body thought @ @ @ @ @ in fact multi murderer Ted Bundy .
Bundy was thought to have died a few @ @ @ @ @ has spun a few minds not least the boffins in Washington .
He got away @ @ @ @ @ prison and kidnapping the real Joe Biden , effectively isolating him in a Rocky mountain @ @ @ @ @ refuses to say where or when Biden was kidnapped .
He will continue this deception @ @ @ @ @ will rate him a better person for having defeated Donald J Trump .
May be @ @ @ @ @ coming to grips with this unusual situation .
Hell if Trump can convince Americans to @ @ @ @ @ to the White House , then a serial killer is n't t too much of @ @ @ @ @ .

US President-Elect Joseph Biden has shocked every one today by revealing he is not the person that every body thought he was: he is in fact multi murderer Ted Bundy.
Bundy was thought to have died a few years ago but this revelation has spun a few minds not least the boffins in Washington. He got away with the deception by escaping prison and kidnapping the real Joe Biden, effectively isolating him in a Rocky mountain cabin in Colorado.
Bundy refuses to say where or when Biden was kidnapped. He will continue this deception in the hope that people will rate him a better person for having defeated Donald J Trump. May be not.
Washington insiders are coming to grips with this unusual situation. Hell if Trump can convince Americans to trust him with the keys to the White House, then a serial killer isn't t too much of a leap for the imagination.


thespoof--2020-12-24--Seven Things Biden Plans To Do Day One In White House

President Joseph Biden plans to follow through on many things for the United States , but on day one , there 's a list of seven items written on his left-hand palm .
Using his right hand for the swearing-in process , he had to use his left hand as a scratchpad .
First thing at the top of his list : Throw out the old chair used by Trump behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office .
Wheel it out to Pennsylvania Avenue with a FREE sign taped on the seat .
Second : Make sure there ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Suite .
Third : Telephone Putin and say , “ F——k Y—u.
” Fourth : Order the military to tear down the Trump-wall between the United States and Mexico .
Trump will pay for the cost .
Fifth : Calculate the cost of flying the Trump extended family as guests on Air Force One and have the Treasury Department deduct the cost from any revenue in Trump ’ s name .
Sixth : Order the IRS to release Trump ’ s tax returns for the last twenty years , and declare that the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Initiate an investigation into Qatar 's blockade by Saudi Arabia and the UAE , and if the blockade was made to squeeze Qatar into investing in Jarad Kushner ’ s 666 , Park Avenue property .
Joe Biden ’ s seventh action will open a Trump can of worms to understand Trump ’ s motivations while in the White House .
Then off for the evening ’ s celebrations .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

President Joseph Biden plans to follow through on many things for the United States, but on day one, there's a list of seven items written on his left-hand palm.
Using his right hand for the swearing-in process, he had to use his left hand as a scratchpad. First thing at the top of his list: Throw out the old chair used by Trump behind the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. Wheel it out to Pennsylvania Avenue with a FREE sign taped on the seat.
Second: Make sure there’s a new mattress in the Presidential Suite.
Third: Telephone Putin and say, “F——k Y—u.”
Fourth: Order the military to tear down the Trump-wall between the United States and Mexico. Trump will pay for the cost.
Fifth: Calculate the cost of flying the Trump extended family as guests on Air Force One and have the Treasury Department deduct the cost from any revenue in Trump’s name.
Sixth: Order the IRS to release Trump’s tax returns for the last twenty years, and declare that the Trump audit is over.
Seventh: Initiate an investigation into Qatar's blockade by Saudi Arabia and the UAE, and if the blockade was made to squeeze Qatar into investing in Jarad Kushner’s 666, Park Avenue property.
Joe Biden’s seventh action will open a Trump can of worms to understand Trump’s motivations while in the White House.
Then off for the evening’s celebrations.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-26--Trump Is Now a Sad, Sad, Pitiful, Pathetic Little Man

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Consolidated News Magazine ’ s Tansy Fifi Aberdeen , has just written that President Trump has morphed into a sad , sad , pitiful , pathetic little man .
She added that the fact that , in four years , Trump the Chump spewed out 20,000 lies should be enough to have the wannabe-dictator dragged out of the White House by his ankles .
Miss Aberdeen stated that # Loser has as much business being in the White House , as a poisonous jellyfish has of being on a seafood restaurant @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that his base stood behind him , and followed him , like the Pied Piper 's rats is even more astounding , amazing , and downright pathetic ; but hey , the man is one damn good con-artist , you do have to give the racist Nazi that .
Aberdeen quipped that Trump could easily sell bananas to Costa Rica , crumpets to England , and sushi to Japan .
And now , as Melania has stated , the little piece of duck shit , lays in his bed , sobbing , whimpering @ @ @ @ @ @ @ SOB that he is .
Oh well , as Nancy Pelosi has said time after time…come on and hurry the fuck up January 20 !

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Consolidated News Magazine’s Tansy Fifi Aberdeen, has just written that President Trump has morphed into a sad, sad, pitiful, pathetic little man.
She added that the fact that, in four years, Trump the Chump spewed out 20,000 lies should be enough to have the wannabe-dictator dragged out of the White House by his ankles.
Miss Aberdeen stated that #Loser has as much business being in the White House, as a poisonous jellyfish has of being on a seafood restaurant menu.
She pointed out the fact that his base stood behind him, and followed him, like the Pied Piper's rats is even more astounding, amazing, and downright pathetic; but hey, the man is one damn good con-artist, you do have to give the racist Nazi that.
Aberdeen quipped that Trump could easily sell bananas to Costa Rica, crumpets to England, and sushi to Japan.
And now, as Melania has stated, the little piece of duck shit, lays in his bed, sobbing, whimpering, and crying like the little defeated SOB that he is.
Oh well, as Nancy Pelosi has said time after time…come on and hurry the fuck up January 20!


thespoof--2020-12-26--President Trump To Pardon Over 13,000 Guilty-As-Shit Relatives, Staff Members, and Friends

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The Supreme Court has just issued a directive , that President Trump needs to immediately stop pardoning any more individuals .
The justices voted 9-0 that every one of the 13,000-plus pardons he has issued or gifted were given to individuals who are all fucking guilty-as-hell .
The 9 justices stated unequivocally , that what Trump is doing is something that damned evil dictators do in third world countries .
POTUS has pardoned Paul Manafort , Michael Flynn , Scott Baio , and Sean Hannity , among others .
A source @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is going crazy giving out pardons like their McDonalds Happy Meals .
The source further pointed out that he saw the list of people to be pardoned before Trump gets his Russian-loving ass kicked out of the White House .
And some of the names include Adolf Hitler , Hirohito , Charles Manson , Ghislaine Maxwell , and Ricky Gervais .
In a related story , TMZ is reporting that Melania has hidden her husband 's Viagra Pills for fear that he may overdose , due to the fact that he is as @ @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Supreme Court has just issued a directive, that President Trump needs to immediately stop pardoning any more individuals.
The justices voted 9-0 that every one of the 13,000-plus pardons he has issued or gifted were given to individuals who are all fucking guilty-as-hell.
The 9 justices stated unequivocally, that what Trump is doing is something that damned evil dictators do in third world countries.
POTUS has pardoned Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, Scott Baio, and Sean Hannity, among others.
A source close to the president said that Trump is going crazy giving out pardons like their McDonalds Happy Meals.
The source further pointed out that he saw the list of people to be pardoned before Trump gets his Russian-loving ass kicked out of the White House.
And some of the names include Adolf Hitler, Hirohito, Charles Manson, Ghislaine Maxwell, and Ricky Gervais.
In a related story, TMZ is reporting that Melania has hidden her husband's Viagra Pills for fear that he may overdose, due to the fact that he is as depressed as a m*therfuc*ing #loser!


thespoof--2020-12-27--Biden To Dissolve Secret Service: Replace With Elite Eunuch Corps

BILLINGSGATE POST : President-elect Joe Bien has decided to dissolve the Secret Service and replace it with an Imperial Palace Eunuch Corps when he takes office .
Biden quoted Han Fei Tzu , a revered Chinese Minister of State and man of letters who died in 233 BC : `` Countries large and small suffer one defect in common , the surrounding of the ruler with unworthy personnel . ''
Noting that both the President and the First Lady were concerned about the Secret Service agents knowing more about their personal affairs than they were confortable with , Biden told @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a close-knit gaggle of trusted eunuchs to watch over the President seems the only answer .
However , Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez disagreed .
She said that more female Secret Service agents might help guard against White House gossip .
`` At the very least , it would cut down the number of prostitutes stiffed by male agents for their services.
” AOC added : `` No self-respecting female agent , straight or lesbian , would sacrifice the safety of the President for a quick roll in the hay . ''
A little history @ @ @ @ @ @ @ rendered sexually impotent by mutilation or removal of their external sexual genitals , served as palace menials , harem watch-dogs , and spies for rulers in most of the ancient world kingdoms stretching from Rome , Greece and North Africa , through the biblical lands , and on across Asia to China .
Castrated aides attended the Great Moghul emperors of India and the maharajas of India .
Nowhere , however , were eunuchs of such great historical significance as in the palaces of Imperial China .
Best of all , eunuchs strutted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ easily recognized at great distances .
They characteristically leaned slightly forward - somewhat like MSNBC hack Rachel Maddow - with their legs clinging closely together in a scissor-butt sort of way .
Taking short mincing steps , with their toes turned outward , it was impossible for them to not be identified as eunuchs .
Obviously , these physical attributes were quite unlikely to excite physical contact with promiscuous double agents of either gender .
Nancy Poozleosi offered : “ Knowing men to be susceptible to the charms of beautiful women like me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Secret Service to an all-eunuch agency would make it less likely for a compromise to occur in the future . ''
Dr .
Slim : “ If eunuchs were the answer , why did so many dynasties go toast ?
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dr. Dude .
Confucius say : ‘ Eunuch who loses key to girl 's apartment no get new key .
’ ”

BILLINGSGATE POST: President-elect Joe Bien has decided to dissolve the Secret Service and replace it with an Imperial Palace Eunuch Corps when he takes office.
Biden quoted Han Fei Tzu, a revered Chinese Minister of State and man of letters who died in 233 BC: "Countries large and small suffer one defect in common, the surrounding of the ruler with unworthy personnel."
Noting that both the President and the First Lady were concerned about the Secret Service agents knowing more about their personal affairs than they were confortable with, Biden told CNN’s Don Lemon that establishing a close-knit gaggle of trusted eunuchs to watch over the President seems the only answer.
However, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez disagreed. She said that more female Secret Service agents might help guard against White House gossip. "At the very least, it would cut down the number of prostitutes stiffed by male agents for their services.” AOC added: "No self-respecting female agent, straight or lesbian, would sacrifice the safety of the President for a quick roll in the hay."
A little history. Eunuchs, males who have been rendered sexually impotent by mutilation or removal of their external sexual genitals, served as palace menials, harem watch-dogs, and spies for rulers in most of the ancient world kingdoms stretching from Rome, Greece and North Africa, through the biblical lands, and on across Asia to China. Castrated aides attended the Great Moghul emperors of India and the maharajas of India. Nowhere, however, were eunuchs of such great historical significance as in the palaces of Imperial China.
Best of all, eunuchs strutted with a peculiar gait that could be easily recognized at great distances. They characteristically leaned slightly forward - somewhat like MSNBC hack Rachel Maddow - with their legs clinging closely together in a scissor-butt sort of way. Taking short mincing steps, with their toes turned outward, it was impossible for them to not be identified as eunuchs. Obviously, these physical attributes were quite unlikely to excite physical contact with promiscuous double agents of either gender.
Nancy Poozleosi offered: “Knowing men to be susceptible to the charms of beautiful women like me, it is my opinion that changing the Secret Service to an all-eunuch agency would make it less likely for a compromise to occur in the future."
Dr. Slim: “If eunuchs were the answer, why did so many dynasties go toast?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Confucius say: ‘Eunuch who loses key to girl's apartment no get new key.’”


thespoof--2020-12-28--Supreme Court Rules Sex Organs Can Be Used To Determine Gender

BILLINGSGATE POST : Thank God for President Trump !
In a 5-4 decision , the Supreme Court ruled that sex organs can be used to determine one ’ s gender .
While conventional sex theories , held sacred since Adam and Eve discovered each other 's inter-joining plumbing connections in the Garden of Eden , there has been increasing ambivalence that has clouded this viewpoint .
Where once the obstetrician who delivered your baby would check the plumbing of the baby and announce his findings , he now just shrugs his shoulders and says , “ Your guess is as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ John Robert ’ s , once again , crossing the line and joining with the three other liberal justices in the dissent , it remained for new Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett to join with Justices Alito , Thomas , Kavanaugh and Gorsuch , to form the majority and affirm the ruling .
In the dissent , written by Justice Elena Kagan , it was her personal conviction that the Old Testament is unconstitutional because it promotes sex bias in favor of heterosexuals .
`` It follows then , '' she argued , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ between heterosexuals has been colored by this bias that only those who practiced penis-vaginal sex could marry . ''
Associate Justice Clarence Thomas argued that , `` Being a married man , myself , if that were true , how did I find a pubic hair in my coke bottle ? ''
Chief Justice Roberts responded by stating that sexual images of that nature could only distort the eyes of the Court .
Adding , `` Your a posteriori arguments drive me up the wall .
Clarence , are you sure you want @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' Justice Sotomayer suggested that all children should be born wearing pantsuits .
“ If it was good enough for Hillary Clinton , there is no reason why it shouldn ’ t be universally instituted.
” With Alito joining in , the sometimes acerbic Justice remarked that sex organs , in his opinion , were overrated in determining sexual orientation .
`` But , on the other hand , allowing transgenders the same right to marriage as heterosexuals makes as much sense as putting balls on a goose and declaring them ganders .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ still believe that what a man and a sheep do in private is none of their business .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Thank God for President Trump! In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that sex organs can be used to determine one’s gender. While conventional sex theories, held sacred since Adam and Eve discovered each other's inter-joining plumbing connections in the Garden of Eden, there has been increasing ambivalence that has clouded this viewpoint. Where once the obstetrician who delivered your baby would check the plumbing of the baby and announce his findings, he now just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Your guess is as good as mine.”
With Chief Justice John Robert’s, once again, crossing the line and joining with the three other liberal justices in the dissent, it remained for new Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett to join with Justices Alito, Thomas, Kavanaugh and Gorsuch, to form the majority and affirm the ruling.
In the dissent, written by Justice Elena Kagan, it was her personal conviction that the Old Testament is unconstitutional because it promotes sex bias in favor of heterosexuals.
"It follows then," she argued, "that any subsequent decision regarding sex between heterosexuals has been colored by this bias that only those who practiced penis-vaginal sex could marry."
Associate Justice Clarence Thomas argued that, "Being a married man, myself, if that were true, how did I find a pubic hair in my coke bottle?" Chief Justice Roberts responded by stating that sexual images of that nature could only distort the eyes of the Court. Adding, "Your a posteriori arguments drive me up the wall. Clarence, are you sure you want that statement included in the records?"
Justice Sotomayer suggested that all children should be born wearing pantsuits. “If it was good enough for Hillary Clinton, there is no reason why it shouldn’t be universally instituted.”
With Alito joining in, the sometimes acerbic Justice remarked that sex organs, in his opinion, were overrated in determining sexual orientation. "But, on the other hand, allowing transgenders the same right to marriage as heterosexuals makes as much sense as putting balls on a goose and declaring them ganders."
Dr. Slim: “I still believe that what a man and a sheep do in private is none of their business.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. That’s BAA-loney.”


thespoof--2020-12-28--Donald Trump Thinks Everything Is A Mere Figment Of His Imagination

Psychoanalysts have said they can now reveal why they think outgoing US President Donald Trump is prone to behaving how he does , why he tells so many lies , why he treats other people with such disdain and disrespect , and why he believes he is not only the greatest US leader in history , but also the most supreme human specimen on planet Earth .
Trump thinks everything - that 's EVERYTHING - is a figment of his own imagination .
Former White House staff who have left their employment recently have been questioned by Secret Service officials @ @ @ @ @ @ @ talks to himself , telling himself that he is the ONLY thing that exists , and that everything else is make-believe .
A maid , Florence Dickwad , who spoke only under guarantee of anonymity , said she stumbled upon a diary in which the President had made copious notes of a philosophical nature .
In it , Trump repeatedly writes that nothing that is going on around him is real , and that everything he sees is just his own madcap thoughts being paraded in front of his eyes by his mind @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his wild claims that the presidential election was `` rigged '' , and that it was `` stolen '' from him , he believes , are just 'negative energy ' brought on by worrying too much about the thoughts of the people , who , he is certain , in their hearts , love him , and want him to continue in his current role for another term of four years , if not .
But one man 's dream , is another 's nightmare , say the experts , and Trump 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on 20 January .

Psychoanalysts have said they can now reveal why they think outgoing US President Donald Trump is prone to behaving how he does, why he tells so many lies, why he treats other people with such disdain and disrespect, and why he believes he is not only the greatest US leader in history, but also the most supreme human specimen on planet Earth.
Trump thinks everything - that's EVERYTHING - is a figment of his own imagination.
Former White House staff who have left their employment recently have been questioned by Secret Service officials, and say that the President constantly talks to himself, telling himself that he is the ONLY thing that exists, and that everything else is make-believe.
A maid, Florence Dickwad, who spoke only under guarantee of anonymity, said she stumbled upon a diary in which the President had made copious notes of a philosophical nature.
In it, Trump repeatedly writes that nothing that is going on around him is real, and that everything he sees is just his own madcap thoughts being paraded in front of his eyes by his mind, like a never-ending dream.
Even his wild claims that the presidential election was "rigged", and that it was "stolen" from him, he believes, are just 'negative energy' brought on by worrying too much about the thoughts of the people, who, he is certain, in their hearts, love him, and want him to continue in his current role for another term of four years, if not forever .
But one man's dream, is another 's nightmare, say the experts, and Trump's alarm clock is set to go off on 20 January.


thespoof--2020-12-28--Old Writer Discovers Real News is New Fake News

Internationally unrenowned writer Kilroy Kovacs has announced his retirement after a long , unsuccessful career as a satire writer , in order to pursue a new career in news journalism .
The fake news community reacted immediately with the same general indifference they gave his material over the years .
Kilroy was vaguely known in the 90s for his crude , xeroxed memes of kangaroos in sombreros , featuring a newsworthy celebrity or politician ’ s head emerging from the pouch with a snarky remark .
He apparently had some limited success at his office , and eventually moved into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ limited success .
One local drunkard admitted to being a huge fan of Kilroy ’ s .
“ I used to laugh so hard at that kangaroo in a sombrero , I ’ d almost crap myself , ” he chuckled , slinging spittle and stumbling back to his barstool .
Others in the bar were not as amused with the comedy material , and suggested Kilroy ’ s only fan was frequently falling down drunk and crapping himself anyway .
But , as modern satire migrated from the printed page , with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Internet , with comments sections , Kilroy awoke to the cruel realization that he wasn ’ t nearly as funny as he first thought .
“ It was certainly an eye-opening revelation , ” Kilroy confessed .
“ I mean , I crack myself up ... and that drunk guy in the bar ... so what ’ s the problem ?
” Among his numerous criticisms was overuse and abuse of the kangaroo ruse .
“ Kangaroos in a sombreros is my brand , man !
How in the hell is anyone going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” After much thought , little of it productive , Kilroy decided to move his humor in an entirely different direction in order to survive in intensely competitive fake news market .
“ You ’ ve got to fight for your right to parody !
” he uttered in a Robitussin haze .
He had to be more than just another shaggy dog story .
But , what in a decade of English studies at the University would set him apart , he pondered in third person prior to proclaiming , “ Aha @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the ploy failed miserably .
“ The average American absolutely abhors an alliterative anecdote , ” Kilroy said , staring for a three-beat as someone rated his story a single star .
“ See what I 'm saying ?
” “ Being called an ‘ arrogant alliterating asshole ’ by other site associated authors was hurtful , ” Kilroy recalled .
`` So I spammed them all with porn , and left . ''
And , like the Devil going down to Georgia , he scoured the internet in search of another @ @ @ @ @ @ @ aimless , he was finally reduced to mimicking funny Facebook posts , and even tried updating his kangaroo-in-a-sombrero brand by adding a penis .
All of this was apparently to no avail .
“ I really thought that penis gimmick would work , ” Kilroy said .
“ Maybe I needed a bigger penis.
” But , after years of continued failure to trend in the fake news market that even a bigger penis couldn ’ t fix , Kilroy decided to finally give up and just do real news instead .
“ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ without real news , so I figured I ’ d take the high ground , ” he said .
“ Real news has become so preposterous , it has totally usurped parody 's position for belly laughs . ''
Kilroy selected a news story at random and displayed it on his laptop : Fifty Years After Vietnam , Trump Still Won ’ t Go .
“ How do you parody that ?
This shit just writes itself !
” he chuckled .

Internationally unrenowned writer Kilroy Kovacs has announced his retirement after a long, unsuccessful career as a satire writer, in order to pursue a new career in news journalism. The fake news community reacted immediately with the same general indifference they gave his material over the years.
Kilroy was vaguely known in the 90s for his crude, xeroxed memes of kangaroos in sombreros, featuring a newsworthy celebrity or politician’s head emerging from the pouch with a snarky remark. He apparently had some limited success at his office, and eventually moved into the tabloid humor market with even more limited success.
One local drunkard admitted to being a huge fan of Kilroy’s. “I used to laugh so hard at that kangaroo in a sombrero, I’d almost crap myself,” he chuckled, slinging spittle and stumbling back to his barstool. Others in the bar were not as amused with the comedy material, and suggested Kilroy’s only fan was frequently falling down drunk and crapping himself anyway.
But, as modern satire migrated from the printed page, with letters to the editor, to the Internet, with comments sections, Kilroy awoke to the cruel realization that he wasn’t nearly as funny as he first thought.
“It was certainly an eye-opening revelation,” Kilroy confessed. “I mean, I crack myself up...and that drunk guy in the bar...so what’s the problem?” Among his numerous criticisms was overuse and abuse of the kangaroo ruse. “Kangaroos in a sombreros is my brand, man! How in the hell is anyone going to recognize my work without it?”
After much thought, little of it productive, Kilroy decided to move his humor in an entirely different direction in order to survive in intensely competitive fake news market. “You’ve got to fight for your right to parody!” he uttered in a Robitussin haze.
He had to be more than just another shaggy dog story. But, what in a decade of English studies at the University would set him apart, he pondered in third person prior to proclaiming, “Aha! Alliteration!”
Fortunately for satire, the ploy failed miserably. “The average American absolutely abhors an alliterative anecdote,” Kilroy said, staring for a three-beat as someone rated his story a single star. “See what I'm saying?”
“Being called an ‘arrogant alliterating asshole’ by other site associated authors was hurtful,” Kilroy recalled. "So I spammed them all with porn, and left."
And, like the Devil going down to Georgia, he scoured the internet in search of another schtick he could steal. Desperate and aimless, he was finally reduced to mimicking funny Facebook posts, and even tried updating his kangaroo-in-a-sombrero brand by adding a penis. All of this was apparently to no avail.
“I really thought that penis gimmick would work,” Kilroy said. “Maybe I needed a bigger penis.”
But, after years of continued failure to trend in the fake news market that even a bigger penis couldn’t fix, Kilroy decided to finally give up and just do real news instead.
“You can’t have fake news without real news, so I figured I’d take the high ground,” he said. “Real news has become so preposterous, it has totally usurped parody's position for belly laughs."
Kilroy selected a news story at random and displayed it on his laptop:
Fifty Years After Vietnam, Trump Still Won’t Go.
“How do you parody that? This shit just writes itself!” he chuckled.


thespoof--2020-12-29--Louis Gohmert Sues Pence Claiming He Caught Covid From a Mask, Not From Being an Imbecile

Washington - Texas Representative Louis Gohmert sued Mike Pence , Monday , claiming he could vote for whoever he wanted @ @ @ @ @ the voter choice of Joe Biden .
`` The election is just for fun , @ @ @ @ @ President who picks the next president , '' said the congressman .
Gohmert also sued @ @ @ @ @ at a congressional hearing , a practice that he was then required to follow , @ @ @ @ @ .
`` I caught the Covid from that mask , I know it , '' @ @ @ @ @ the Texas Democrat , however , admitted in private that the congressman routinely attended meetings @ @ @ @ @ .
`` He 's the biggest imbecile in the U.S. Congress , '' said one @

Washington - Texas Representative Louis Gohmert sued Mike Pence, Monday, claiming he could vote for whoever he wanted for president, instead of the voter choice of Joe Biden.
"The election is just for fun, it is really the Vice President who picks the next president," said the congressman.
Gohmert also sued Pence for wearing a mask at a congressional hearing, a practice that he was then required to follow, resulting in him catching Covid-19.
"I caught the Covid from that mask, I know it," said Gohmert. Colleagues of the Texas Democrat, however, admitted in private that the congressman routinely attended meetings and parties without a mask. "He's the biggest imbecile in the U.S. Congress," said one.


thespoof--2020-12-29--Satan Turns Lou Dobbs and Steven Miller Back Into Gargoyles After They Fail to Destroy U.S. Democrac

Satan Turns Lou Dobbs and Steven Miller Back Into Gargoyles After They Fail to Destroy U.S. Democracy

Washington - After they failed in their attempt at destroying a 250-year-old experiment in a democratic form of government , @ @ @ @ @ his attempt to overturn the 2020 United States election , and turn White House aide @ @ @ @ @ host Lou Dobbs back into the demon gargoyles that adorned a local Washington D.C. government @ @ @ @ @ .
Miller plotted with President Donald Trump by helping to appoint random electors from states @ @ @ @ @ .
Among the electors chosen by these Republican plotters were Charles Manson , Joseph Stalin @ @ @ @ @ President Mike Pence , along with his pet fly , are expected to read the @ @ @ @ @ in Congress , according to a plot hatched by the President .
Dobbs discussed the @ @ @ @ @ on his Fox News show , pushing Miller to be more efficient in his plotting @

Washington - After they failed in their attempt at destroying a 250-year-old experiment in a democratic form of government, Satan decided to call off his attempt to overturn the 2020 United States election, and turn White House aide Stephen Miller and Fox News host Lou Dobbs back into the demon gargoyles that adorned a local Washington D.C. government building from whence they came.
Miller plotted with President Donald Trump by helping to appoint random electors from states that narrowly elected Joe Biden. Among the electors chosen by these Republican plotters were Charles Manson, Joseph Stalin and Micky Mouse.
Vice President Mike Pence, along with his pet fly, are expected to read the electors off of January 6 in Congress, according to a plot hatched by the President.
Dobbs discussed the plot with viewers and Miller on his Fox News show, pushing Miller to be more efficient in his plotting.


thespoof--2020-12-30--Trump Says He Still Hasn't Played His Trump Card

Outgoing US president , Donald Trump , who has just 22 days left to his tenure in the White House , had a message for his opponents today , when he said that he has n't yet played his Trump Card , and that he might just have an Ace up his sleeve .
Trump , 74 , lost the November presidential election to Joe Biden , but has stubbornly refused to accept defeat , and has hinted , several times , that the handover of power might not go as smoothly as many Democrats have planned .
Mr. Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ' out of the election , and , in a bid to maintain the concept of card games , he tweeted to his followers that : '' It 's not over yet .
Trump has n't played his Trump card !
I might just have an ace or two up my sleeve ! ''
Political analysts say that , as Trump is known to be a swindler and a cheat , it 's just feasible that the crank does , indeed , have something hidden away with which he can manipulate his way @ @ @ @ @ @ @ underhand activity , some behind-the-scenes dealing , or other shenanigans , such as corruption , extortion , lies , intimidation and bribery , along with the traditional greasing of palms with which Trump 's name has become so synonymous , and so utterly inseparable .

Outgoing US president, Donald Trump, who has just 22 days left to his tenure in the White House, had a message for his opponents today, when he said that he hasn't yet played his Trump Card, and that he might just have an Ace up his sleeve.
Trump, 74, lost the November presidential election to Joe Biden, but has stubbornly refused to accept defeat, and has hinted, several times, that the handover of power might not go as smoothly as many Democrats have planned.
Mr. Trump has repeatedly claimed that he was 'swindled' out of the election, and, in a bid to maintain the concept of card games, he tweeted to his followers that:
"It's not over yet. Trump hasn't played his Trump card! I might just have an ace or two up my sleeve!"
Political analysts say that, as Trump is known to be a swindler and a cheat, it's just feasible that the crank does, indeed, have something hidden away with which he can manipulate his way back to power.
They suspect some underhand activity, some behind-the-scenes dealing, or other shenanigans, such as corruption, extortion, lies, intimidation and bribery, along with the traditional greasing of palms with which Trump's name has become so synonymous, and so utterly inseparable.


thespoof--2020-12-29--A White House Maid Says Trump is Stealing Dishes, Silverware, Towels, and Toilet Paper

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – RumorLand News has stated that the White House senior maid , Shontella du Pompidou , has said that the President is starting to steal lots and lots of White House property .
Du Pompidou , 51 , who recently married a man half her age , said that she had seen Trump get a burlap bag and fill it with things like dishes , silverware , towels , toilet paper , and even frozen rib-eye steaks .
She even noted that when the President saw her watching him stealing the steaks @ @ @ @ @ @ @ going to have his chauffeur drive him to a poor black neighborhood nearby , to pass the steaks out to deserving black kids .
Shontella , who herself is black , looked him in the eye , and said , “ Don ’ t cha be shitting me , loser .
I heard you on the kitchen phone earlier telling your sweetheart Hope Hicks , that you were going over to her apartment , and that you were bringing steaks and a bottle of El Matador Tequila.
” “ You ’ re fired @ @ @ @ @ @ @ high school cheerleader .
And he then added , that he was sending her back to Mozambique.
” “ I was born in Kalamazoo , Michigan , you orange-lookin ' , racist bitch !
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – RumorLand News has stated that the White House senior maid, Shontella du Pompidou, has said that the President is starting to steal lots and lots of White House property.
Du Pompidou, 51, who recently married a man half her age, said that she had seen Trump get a burlap bag and fill it with things like dishes, silverware, towels, toilet paper, and even frozen rib-eye steaks.
She even noted that when the President saw her watching him stealing the steaks, he told her that he was going to have his chauffeur drive him to a poor black neighborhood nearby, to pass the steaks out to deserving black kids.
Shontella, who herself is black, looked him in the eye, and said, “Don’t cha be shitting me, loser. I heard you on the kitchen phone earlier telling your sweetheart Hope Hicks, that you were going over to her apartment, and that you were bringing steaks and a bottle of El Matador Tequila.”
“You’re fired!” Trump screamed out like a high school cheerleader. And he then added, that he was sending her back to Mozambique.”
“I was born in Kalamazoo, Michigan, you orange-lookin', racist bitch!”


thespoof--2020-12-29--Jab-a-go-go advertising campaigns underway; vaccine company stocks UP

Inspired by Ryanair 's “ jab and go ” advertising , a host of new promotional enterprises is now emerging on the world stage .
However , Ryanair 's cheerful “ grab and go ” discount offers have brought on some negative reaction .
The pitch is a million seats on one-way flights for as low as £19.99 with the slogan : “ So you can jab and go , and if your plans change , so can your booking.
” Some have called this advertising `` disease harvesting '' and “ distasteful ” .
On Twitter , it has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Avenue , on the other hand , has perked up .
For example , the phrasing “ jab-a-go-go ” ( also available with music ) is now entering the mainstream .
The cruise industry is particularly happy .
“ Jab-a-go-go offers all the advantages of pre-Covid days , and then some !
” chortles one cruise service .
“ Plus , in our ballrooms in the evening , we have the new Covid-boogie , pole-dancers , and , yes , traditional waltzes to enliven the cruise of a lifetime !
” Further , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a cheerful attitude as the shirt sleeve is rolled up , needle hovering .
Look for huge billboards and a smiling Fauci image alongside the words : “ A little jab 'll do ya !
” Need for this new lighter approach is particularly important at this time , according to pharmaceutical spokespersons and the needle industry .
This is because , according to ZH news , following the first 215,000 vaccinations in the USA , the number is currently 5,000 for those who have experienced serious discomfort from the vaccines .
Further @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of a heart attack two hours after receiving the needle .
But , after all , stock lying around in the millions must be moved on .
“ Putting a cheerful light on getting jabbed is very much in fashion now !
Even if the thing is only 95 % effective !
” Meanwhile , even the world of art has been affected with new “ vaccine music fit for the industry ” , inspired by the great Louis Armstrong .
Husky voices are being sought for the following masterpiece as we speak @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a jab to build a dream on a jab before you leave me in ICU or wherever and when I 'm alone with all my fancies I 'll be weaving romances making believe they 're true my stocks and all are rising the pharmacies are smiling and I 'm jabbed forever new !
give me in my imagination a jab to build a dream on .
.
.

Inspired by Ryanair's “jab and go” advertising, a host of new promotional enterprises is now emerging on the world stage.
However, Ryanair's cheerful “grab and go” discount offers have brought on some negative reaction.
The pitch is a million seats on one-way flights for as low as £19.99 with the slogan:
“So you can jab and go, and if your plans change, so can your booking.”
Some have called this advertising "disease harvesting" and “distasteful”.
On Twitter, it has been called “disgusting”.
Madison Avenue, on the other hand, has perked up.
For example, the phrasing “jab-a-go-go” (also available with music) is now entering the mainstream.
(That is, get your jab; you're good to go, whatever.)
The cruise industry is particularly happy.
“Jab-a-go-go offers all the advantages of pre-Covid days, and then some!” chortles one cruise service.
“Plus, in our ballrooms in the evening, we have the new Covid-boogie, pole-dancers, and, yes, traditional waltzes to enliven the cruise of a lifetime!”
Further, a new slogan is surfacing to encourage a cheerful attitude as the shirt sleeve is rolled up, needle hovering.
Look for huge billboards and a smiling Fauci image alongside the words: “A little jab'll do ya!”
Need for this new lighter approach is particularly important at this time, according to pharmaceutical spokespersons and the needle industry.
This is because, according to ZH news, following the first 215,000 vaccinations in the USA, the number is currently 5,000 for those who have experienced serious discomfort from the vaccines.
Further, an Israeli man has just died of a heart attack two hours after receiving the needle.
But, after all, stock lying around in the millions must be moved on.
Needle industry spokesperson:
“Putting a cheerful light on getting jabbed is very much in fashion now! Even if the thing is only 95% effective!”
Meanwhile, even the world of art has been affected with new “vaccine music fit for the industry”, inspired by the great Louis Armstrong.
Husky voices are being sought for the following masterpiece as we speak:
give me,
in my imagination
a jab to build a dream on
a jab before you leave me
in ICU or wherever
and when I'm alone with all my fancies
I'll be weaving romances
making believe they're true
my stocks and all are rising
the pharmacies are smiling
and I'm jabbed forever new!
give me
in my imagination
a jab to build a dream on . . .


thespoof--2020-12-29--Trump, In Final Nobel Prize Bid, Announces Peace Deals Between Israel and Iceland, Bolivia, Fiji

Washington - President Donald Trump , hoping to clinch the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize before leaving office , announced that he has deals in the works to extend the Abraham Accords , which currently spell out peace terms between Israel and a number of Middle Eastern countries , to `` many , many countries '' .
Among the new countries which have agreed to peace with Israel are Bolivia , Iceland , Fiji , New Zealand , Nicaragua and Tibet .
`` No one has ever done a deal like this , .
It 's massive , '' said Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ preparing to go to war with Israel , just like the other ones we included in the previous deals . ''
The other countries that are currently in the Abraham Accords , including Morocco , Dubai and the United Arab Emirates , have never actually sent any troops to fight Israel .
The U.A.E .
expects to receive advanced fighter jets from the United States for signing the deal , which they can use against other countries in the Middle East like Yemen and Iran , in Trump 's bid to win a @ @ @ @ @

Washington - President Donald Trump, hoping to clinch the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize before leaving office, announced that he has deals in the works to extend the Abraham Accords, which currently spell out peace terms between Israel and a number of Middle Eastern countries, to "many, many countries".
Among the new countries which have agreed to peace with Israel are Bolivia, Iceland, Fiji, New Zealand, Nicaragua and Tibet.
"No one has ever done a deal like this,. It's massive," said Trump. "All of these countries were preparing to go to war with Israel, just like the other ones we included in the previous deals."
The other countries that are currently in the Abraham Accords, including Morocco, Dubai and the United Arab Emirates, have never actually sent any troops to fight Israel. The U.A.E. expects to receive advanced fighter jets from the United States for signing the deal, which they can use against other countries in the Middle East like Yemen and Iran, in Trump's bid to win a "Peace Prize".


thespoof--2020-12-31--Trump Declares War On Canada

Trump Declares War On Canada

Donald Trump has declared war on Canada .
The people in charge at the White House canceled his tweet account and won ’ t let his tweet declaration of war be made public .
As an added precaution , they disconnected his telephone .
His chief of staff , Mark Meadows , announced there was a power failure up and down the eastern seacoast .
Swearing out loud , he said he got up out of bed to declare war on Canada , and nobody knew .
Then he asked if Canada knew .
He was assured that Canada knew @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Outraged that Canada had surrendered before the rest of the world even knew he had declared a war , he said he wanted his generals to reject the surrender , and to go ahead with the invasion .
His generals had already accepted Canada ’ s surrender , and there could never be an invasion after the surrender , or it would be considered a war crime .
Trump was devastated and mumbled , “ Damned sissy Smokey the Bear hats !
Give me a manly solid steel helmet !
” When he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ such a good neighbor , he replied that they were making too much noise upstaters , but the people downstairs were okay except for their mariachi music , beans , Menudo , and guacamole .
He was told that guacamole was delicious , and Menudo is great for a hangover , but have you ever heard Yo-Yo Ma play mariachi music on his cello ?
What is Yo-Yo Ma ?
Some kid ’ s trick game ?
Have you ever heard Willie Nelson play mariachi music on his cello ?
“ Let ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can listen to a Willie Nelson record whete he 's playing Mariachi music on his cello .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump has declared war on Canada. The people in charge at the White House canceled his tweet account and won’t let his tweet declaration of war be made public. As an added precaution, they disconnected his telephone.
His chief of staff, Mark Meadows, announced there was a power failure up and down the eastern seacoast.
Trump threw a vase on the floor.
Swearing out loud, he said he got up out of bed to declare war on Canada, and nobody knew. Then he asked if Canada knew. He was assured that Canada knew, and that they already surrendered.
Outraged that Canada had surrendered before the rest of the world even knew he had declared a war, he said he wanted his generals to reject the surrender, and to go ahead with the invasion.
His generals had already accepted Canada’s surrender, and there could never be an invasion after the surrender, or it would be considered a war crime.
Trump was devastated and mumbled, “Damned sissy Smokey the Bear hats! Give me a manly solid steel helmet!”
When he was asked why he declared war on such a good neighbor, he replied that they were making too much noise upstaters, but the people downstairs were okay except for their mariachi music, beans, Menudo, and guacamole.
He was told that guacamole was delicious, and Menudo is great for a hangover, but have you ever heard Yo-Yo Ma play mariachi music on his cello?
What is Yo-Yo Ma? Some kid’s trick game?
Have you ever heard Willie Nelson play mariachi music on his cello?
“No.”
“Let’s go back upstairs, and we can listen to a Willie Nelson record whete he's playing Mariachi music on his cello.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-31--Local Man Refuses to Move

Local Man Refuses to Move

A local man entered a local retail establishment Tuesday afternoon and adamantly refused to back up , violating local social distancing requirements .
Gunter Chang was wearing a mask as required but apparently balked at being asked to distance himself from the establishment 's manager .
`` I 'm wearing a mask as mandated , '' declared the mildly miffed man .
`` Why do I still have to back up ? ''
he asked .
`` I 'm not trying to be sarcastic , I really want to know ! ''
he explained as he crossed his arms and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to explain , but Mr. Chang quickly lost interest in favor of just mouthing off .
`` Why am I even wearing a mask when I 'm standing in a line snaking outside through the snow six feet apart ? ''
he screamed in a muffled voice in order to be understood through the mask .
The manager attempted once again to explain , but was abruptly cut off by the increasingly incensed Mr. Chang .
`` Why , exactly , am I wearing this soggy wet baby diaper on my face ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ post nasal drip beneath his glasses .
As he snorted in obvious self amusement , his gurgling nasal sound distracted from his dry wit .
He attempted to bring more people into his public display of contempt , shouting at a lady near the front door , `` Am I right ? ''
He was thrilled when she began waving her hands wildly in agreement , only because he did n't know that in sign language she was actually saying , `` I do n't know what in the hell you are talking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Other locals in the local establishment kept a cautious distance as Chang 's tirade continued .
The manager informed Mr. Chang that , unless he moved back , she would be forced to call the police .
But this seemed to further infuriate the already irate customer , slowly suffocating on his own carbon dioxide .
`` What next ?
If the virus can be spread through farts , are you going to recirculate them back through my ass ? ''
he slurred his words .
`` Call your gestapo to enforce your @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I will never yield to your ... .uh , oh , '' he trailed off as two officers appeared on both sides of him .
`` Come on you , '' one said , attempting to de-escalate the situation .
`` Just back up , '' he advised .
Feigning bravado as his 2 minutes in the spotlight of dissent was rapidly coming to an end , Mr. Chang challenged the invitation to simply depart with , `` What if I do n't ?
`` , he sucked his miniscule testicles into his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of bass into his voice .
The `` what if ? ''
was a sharp strike with a baton to an area between the upper thigh and lower buttock .
As Chang went down to the floor with an , `` Egad .
That 's a pain that will linger '' look in his eyes , his eyes met the manager 's .
`` I just have to know ... .why ? ''
he groaned , writhing on the floor .
`` Why do I wear a mask and still have to back @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him slowly , leaned down to look him in the eye .
Clearly in violation of social distancing protocol , she pulled her mask down so he could see her sneer .
She leaned to within inches of his masked face , and said , `` Because you 're in my f***ing office !
The front counter is over there , moron ! ''
As the ordeal came to a peaceful end , and Mr. Chang was led away leaning on his good leg , he was overheard admitting that the mask fogging @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in this debacle .
`` I just walked right past that counter .
These masks are hell on cold days , '' he said .

A local man entered a local retail establishment Tuesday afternoon and adamantly refused to back up, violating local social distancing requirements. Gunter Chang was wearing a mask as required but apparently balked at being asked to distance himself from the establishment's manager.
"I'm wearing a mask as mandated," declared the mildly miffed man. "Why do I still have to back up?" he asked. "I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I really want to know!" he explained as he crossed his arms and would not budge.
The manager attempted to explain, but Mr. Chang quickly lost interest in favor of just mouthing off. "Why am I even wearing a mask when I'm standing in a line snaking outside through the snow six feet apart?" he screamed in a muffled voice in order to be understood through the mask.
The manager attempted once again to explain, but was abruptly cut off by the increasingly incensed Mr. Chang. "Why, exactly, am I wearing this soggy wet baby diaper on my face?" he pointed to the reservoir of post nasal drip beneath his glasses. As he snorted in obvious self amusement, his gurgling nasal sound distracted from his dry wit.
He attempted to bring more people into his public display of contempt, shouting at a lady near the front door, "Am I right?" He was thrilled when she began waving her hands wildly in agreement, only because he didn't know that in sign language she was actually saying, "I don't know what in the hell you are talking about. I read lips!"
Other locals in the local establishment kept a cautious distance as Chang's tirade continued. The manager informed Mr. Chang that, unless he moved back, she would be forced to call the police. But this seemed to further infuriate the already irate customer, slowly suffocating on his own carbon dioxide.
"What next? If the virus can be spread through farts, are you going to recirculate them back through my ass?" he slurred his words. "Call your gestapo to enforce your tyranny, if you will, but I will never yield to your....uh, oh," he trailed off as two officers appeared on both sides of him.
"Come on you," one said, attempting to de-escalate the situation. "Just back up," he advised. Feigning bravado as his 2 minutes in the spotlight of dissent was rapidly coming to an end, Mr. Chang challenged the invitation to simply depart with, "What if I don't?", he sucked his miniscule testicles into his body, squeezing the very last ounce of bass into his voice.
The "what if?" was a sharp strike with a baton to an area between the upper thigh and lower buttock. As Chang went down to the floor with an, "Egad. That's a pain that will linger" look in his eyes, his eyes met the manager's. "I just have to know....why?" he groaned, writhing on the floor. "Why do I wear a mask and still have to back up?"
She walked over to him slowly, leaned down to look him in the eye. Clearly in violation of social distancing protocol, she pulled her mask down so he could see her sneer. She leaned to within inches of his masked face, and said, "Because you're in my f***ing office! The front counter is over there, moron!"
As the ordeal came to a peaceful end, Mr. Chang was led away leaning on his good leg, and overheard admitting that the mask fogging up his glasses probably played a role in this debacle. "I just walked right past that counter. These masks are hell on cold days," he said.


thespoof--2020-02-03--Jennifer Lopez And Shakira Brawl During Super Bowl Halftime Break

Police were called and were forced to intervene during the Super Bowl halftime show this evening , when Jennifer Lopez @ @ @ @ @ got into some kind of dispute , and came to blows .
It 's not @ @ @ @ @ , but the two are known to support different teams .
Lopez supports the 49ers @ @ @ @ @ Kansas City Chiefs .
At halftime , the scores were tied at 10-10 , and @ @ @ @ @ for , fans settled down to a period of entertainment , enjoying Dr. Pepper and @ @ @ @ @ watched the performers .
however , an argument took place , and a struggle ensued @ @ @ @ @ police officers moved in to separate the warring parties .
Both women were taken away @ @ @ @ @ to cool down , where selfies are currently being taken , and autographs signed .

Police were called and were forced to intervene during the Super Bowl halftime show this evening, when Jennifer Lopez and singer, Shakira, got into some kind of dispute, and came to blows.
It's not known what caused the incident, but the two are known to support different teams.
Lopez supports the 49ers, whilst Shakira follows the Kansas City Chiefs.
At halftime, the scores were tied at 10-10, and, with everything to play for, fans settled down to a period of entertainment, enjoying Dr. Pepper and tortilla chips. As they watched the performers. however, an argument took place, and a struggle ensued on the field, and police officers moved in to separate the warring parties.
Both women were taken away to a local police station to cool down, where selfies are currently being taken, and autographs signed.


thespoof--2020-02-02--Meghan Markle's Ex-Husband Speaks Out

Meghan Markle's Ex-Husband Speaks Out

LOS ANGELES – The man who was married to Meghan Markle for two years , recently spoke with Maximus Bedstraw , a reporter with The Grandiose News Organization .
Trevor Engleson , who was Markle 's first husband , said that it was interesting that she ended up marrying a prince , because when they were married , she used to always say that he was a king .
He remarked that , back then , Meghan was a shopaholic , and she had a tremendous amount of panties that probably numbered way over a hundred .
He said that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had purchased for her at Victoria ’ s Secret .
“ They were very pretty and very sexy , ” he said .
He then added that they had a picture of a beaver on the front ( no pun intended ) .
Engleson stated that Meggy , as he called her , also enjoyed having gourmet sex , which usually included whipped cream , seedless grapes , M & Ms , and okra .
When Bedstraw asked him if she had any tattoos anywhere on her body , he grinned , took @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said , “ Yeah , she did have one tattoo . ''
He paused and said , “ It was a tattoo of Brad Pitt 's face , which was located on her bikini line.
” IN CLOSING – Judge Jeanine “ Porpoise Lips ” Pirro is predicting that in the November election Trump will win by 13 million votes and carry every state except for California .

LOS ANGELES – The man who was married to Meghan Markle for two years, recently spoke with Maximus Bedstraw, a reporter with The Grandiose News Organization.
Trevor Engleson, who was Markle's first husband, said that it was interesting that she ended up marrying a prince, because when they were married, she used to always say that he was a king.
He remarked that, back then, Meghan was a shopaholic, and she had a tremendous amount of panties that probably numbered way over a hundred. He said that her favorite was a pair that he had purchased for her at Victoria’s Secret. “They were very pretty and very sexy,” he said. He then added that they had a picture of a beaver on the front (no pun intended).
Engleson stated that Meggy, as he called her, also enjoyed having gourmet sex, which usually included whipped cream, seedless grapes, M&Ms, and okra.
When Bedstraw asked him if she had any tattoos anywhere on her body, he grinned, took a sip of his Lowenbrau beer and said, “Yeah, she did have one tattoo." He paused and said, “It was a tattoo of Brad Pitt's face, which was located on her bikini line.”
IN CLOSING – Judge Jeanine “Porpoise Lips” Pirro is predicting that in the November election Trump will win by 13 million votes and carry every state except for California.