thespoof--2020-06-21--The White House Shoots Down Melania’s “Be Nice” Program

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A source inside the White House has revealed that Melania Trump is furious at having had her new personal program shot down by the White House staff .
The first lady recently talked to her BFF , Meghan Markle , and the former Duchess-turned-bikini-swimsuit-model told her to start up a “ Be Nice ” program as a follow-up to her “ Be Best ” program .
Melania loved the idea , and spent a few days working out the particulars with her future daughter-in-law , the big-breasted and long-legged Kimberly Guilfoyle .
The two reportedly had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cookies , and making fun of Eric Trump , Kayleigh McEnany , Rudy Giuliani , and even the odd-as-hell way the President drinks water with two hands .
The first lady told Meghan that she just hopes that the media never finds out that her Donaldo occasionally pees in his pants when he gets extremely mad .
Kimberly giggled and said that Trump Jr. , does the same thing ; except that he actually starts crying and says that he has to go shoot some unsuspecting zoo animal .
When Mrs. Trump was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that she would not be getting approval for her “ Be Nice ” program , she reportedly picked up a coffee mug that had once belonged to President Andrew Jackson , and threw it to the floor causing it to shatter into 53 pieces .
The source told her because it would be silly as hell , and ironic as shit , for her to head up a “ Be Nice ” program , when her husband is the meanest , bigoted , most heartless son-of-a-biscuit since Attila the Hun .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source inside the White House has revealed that Melania Trump is furious at having had her new personal program shot down by the White House staff.
The first lady recently talked to her BFF, Meghan Markle, and the former Duchess-turned-bikini-swimsuit-model told her to start up a “Be Nice” program as a follow-up to her “Be Best” program.
Melania loved the idea, and spent a few days working out the particulars with her future daughter-in-law, the big-breasted and long-legged Kimberly Guilfoyle.
The two reportedly had a great time eating imported Danish wedding cookies, and making fun of Eric Trump, Kayleigh McEnany, Rudy Giuliani, and even the odd-as-hell way the President drinks water with two hands.
The first lady told Meghan that she just hopes that the media never finds out that her Donaldo occasionally pees in his pants when he gets extremely mad.
Kimberly giggled and said that Trump Jr., does the same thing; except that he actually starts crying and says that he has to go shoot some unsuspecting zoo animal.
When Mrs. Trump was told by an assistant to the President that she would not be getting approval for her “Be Nice” program, she reportedly picked up a coffee mug that had once belonged to President Andrew Jackson, and threw it to the floor causing it to shatter into 53 pieces.
Melania angrily asked in her heavy Slovenian accent, “Why not?”
The source told her because it would be silly as hell, and ironic as shit, for her to head up a “Be Nice” program, when her husband is the meanest, bigoted, most heartless son-of-a-biscuit since Attila the Hun.


thespoof--2020-06-21--Fauci and Newsom get down to it in dark little club on collapsing virus narrative

Inside sources have provided video coverage of an important political meeting to discuss the current state of the pandemic .
Last night in the bowels of downtown San Francisco , the Governor and Dr. Fauci met at a small drinking-hole named Club Methuselah ( location classified ) , They sat at the bar in each other 's ear and not social distancing .
Club Methuselah offers three shining poles and dancers , which may or may not have influenced where the two dignitaries located themselves for their conversation .
Evidently aware of these guests , dancers swooped toward them at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ behavior .
Layla Spheres , Rolita Shylee , and Coveela Forever , specialists in string costuming , declined to interview for this report .
Their performance was assisted by continuous hand-sanitizing of the poles , in descent and ascent , plus plastic shield-masks .
Mr. Fauci and Mr. Newsom did not wear masks .
Other customers wore masks on entering .
When seated , masks were off .
Free air space above , to the sides , below , and surrounding the seated customers was not a problem .
Waiters and waitresses wore @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you , Governor , the problem is this : American people do not believe in science or authority .
We must take the gloves off .
Take them off , Tony ?
Look , get off my back .
I just put out a bunch of orders .
As with even driving alone in your car , you should wear a mask .
Should , Gavin ?
Wow !
Did you see that ?
What 's her name again ?
I think that one is Layla .
Oh !
What 's that , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pretty close to us that time , Tony .
I keep talking to Donald about this .
Masks must be absolutely required , at all times .
In the vehicle , at home , in bed , on the toilet , you name it !
—I believe this is the way we must go , Gavin .
Well , I do have an election coming up you know .
And I hear there 's a recall petition out there -- Your duty , Governor !
The American people have to be led !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ That was Coveela , I think .
But -- We 're not wearing masks .
I 'd hate for this to get exposed , but -- We do n't need them , Gavin .
Authorities do n't need them .
We 're exempt .
Only ordinary people need them .
You think Donald wears a mask ?
Give me a break .
Whoa !
Now the other one what 's her name ?
Rolita Shylee ?
I love it !

Inside sources have provided video coverage of an important political meeting to discuss the current state of the pandemic.
Problems:
*shrinking virus narrative;
*credibility gap increasing;
*perception management campaign weakening;
*etc.
Last night in the bowels of downtown San Francisco, the Governor and Dr. Fauci met at a small drinking-hole named Club Methuselah (location classified),
They sat at the bar in each other's ear and not social distancing.
Club Methuselah offers three shining poles and dancers, which may or may not have influenced where the two dignitaries located themselves for their conversation.
Evidently aware of these guests, dancers swooped toward them at times, and lowered into frontal squat behavior.
Layla Spheres, Rolita Shylee, and Coveela Forever, specialists in string costuming, declined to interview for this report.
Their performance was assisted by continuous hand-sanitizing of the poles, in descent and ascent, plus plastic shield-masks.
Mr. Fauci and Mr. Newsom did not wear masks.
(White House; Masks and distancing not required for these officials. Security clearance.)
Other customers wore masks on entering. When seated, masks were off.
Free air space above, to the sides, below, and surrounding the seated customers was not a problem.
Waiters and waitresses wore masks at all times.
To the audio:
I tell you, Governor, the problem is this: American people do not believe in science or authority. We must take the gloves off.
Take them off, Tony? Look, get off my back. I just put out a bunch of orders. As with even driving alone in your car, you should wear a mask.
Should, Gavin? Wow! Did you see that? What's her name again?
I think that one is Layla. Oh! What's that, honey? Say again? She got pretty close to us that time, Tony.
I keep talking to Donald about this. Masks must be absolutely required, at all times. In the vehicle, at home, in bed, on the toilet, you name it!—I believe this is the way we must go, Gavin.
Well, I do have an election coming up you know. And I hear there's a recall petition out there--
Your duty, Governor! The American people have to be led! Whoa! Was that Layla again?
That was Coveela, I think. But--
Yes?
We're not wearing masks. I'd hate for this to get exposed, but--
We don't need them, Gavin. Authorities don't need them. We're exempt. Only ordinary people need them. You think Donald wears a mask? Give me a break.
Ah . . .
Whoa! Now the other one what's her name? Rolita Shylee? I love it!


thespoof--2020-06-21--Trump promises Aunt Jemima a top White House Christmas tree

President Trump , in an effort to appeal to black voters , stated they will all get a big surprise in their stockings this year .
`` I 'm having a fantastic tree topper of Aunt Jemima made for the White House Christmas tree .
In addition to that , I will be renaming the White House the `` Black Home Boys Crib '' for the entire month of January .
When the President was reminded the Christmas is in December , he stated that Christmas can be moved easily .
`` I plan on employing black workers to move @ @ @ @ @ @ @ huge , very big for the unemployed blacks . ''
He went on to say that he is looking into finding a `` deeply brown '' tree instead of an evergreen .
`` I talked to a guy in Detroit that makes them out of the remains of old auto body factories .
Since we are never going to get those factories working again , I say use them .
That 's what I do best , use things .
A stone tree , a metal tree ... big and amazing .
That @ @ @ @ @ @ @ president the world has ever seen does for HIS people . ''
When asked if the very big , huge Aunt Jemima will be full of syrup , a spokesperson for the President said : `` That 's a sticky subject , pending further review . ''

President Trump, in an effort to appeal to black voters, stated they will all get a big surprise in their stockings this year.
"I'm having a fantastic tree topper of Aunt Jemima made for the White House Christmas tree. In addition to that, I will be renaming the White House the "Black Home Boys Crib" for the entire month of January.
When the President was reminded the Christmas is in December, he stated that Christmas can be moved easily.
"I plan on employing black workers to move the whole day...it will be huge,very big for the unemployed blacks."
He went on to say that he is looking into finding a "deeply brown" tree instead of an evergreen.
"I talked to a guy in Detroit that makes them out of the remains of old auto body factories. Since we are never going to get those factories working again, I say use them. That's what I do best, use things. A stone tree, a metal tree...big and amazing. That's what the biggest and most amazing president the world has ever seen does for HIS people."
When asked if the very big, huge Aunt Jemima will be full of syrup, a spokesperson for the President said: "That's a sticky subject, pending further review."


thespoof--2020-06-22--John Bolton Book Attracts Queues Outside Book Stores

The interest surrounding the release , on Tuesday , of the book written by the former US National Security Adviser , John Bolton , has prompted countless thousands of scandal-hunting readers to form queues outside bookstores in most major cities this morning .
The book , 'The Room Where It Happened ' , is expected to lift the lid on what happened , and the room in which it did , whatever it was .
It 's also reputed to crammed full of things that could be potentially damaging to the reputation of President Donald Trump , and , it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the run-up to the Presidential Election in November .
That having been said , there is enough material freely available in the news and on social media platforms to sink Trump a hundred times over , without having to rely upon a shitty volume produced , as a last desperate and pathetic stab-in-the-back , by the crummy , non-literary Bolton , who needs to have a serious word with himself about that moustache .
In New York , a queue of some 30 people had formed outside Strand on Broadway by 7am @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it turned out that ten people at the back had joined thinking it was the queue for the soup kitchen .
In Washington , DC , , more than a dozen enthusiastic people with nothing better to do were waiting in front of the Barnes & Noble store at 8am .
Five of these , however , admitted to having been paid by Mr. Bolton to stand there .
One man in the line , who would n't give his name , said : '' I really want a copy of Mr. Bolton @ @ @ @ @ @ @ if I do n't get one , it 's no big deal .
It 's only a stupid , shitty book , after all . ''

The interest surrounding the release, on Tuesday, of the book written by the former US National Security Adviser, John Bolton, has prompted countless thousands of scandal-hunting readers to form queues outside bookstores in most major cities this morning.
The book, 'The Room Where It Happened', is expected to lift the lid on what happened, and the room in which it did, whatever it was.
It's also reputed to crammed full of things that could be potentially damaging to the reputation of President Donald Trump, and, it's feared, may affect his popularity in the run-up to the Presidential Election in November.
That having been said, there is enough material freely available in the news and on social media platforms to sink Trump a hundred times over, without having to rely upon a shitty volume produced, as a last desperate and pathetic stab-in-the-back, by the crummy, non-literary Bolton, who needs to have a serious word with himself about that moustache.
In New York, a queue of some 30 people had formed outside Strand on Broadway by 7am, although, on further investigation, it turned out that ten people at the back had joined thinking it was the queue for the soup kitchen.
In Washington, DC,, more than a dozen enthusiastic people with nothing better to do were waiting in front of the Barnes & Noble store at 8am. Five of these, however, admitted to having been paid by Mr. Bolton to stand there.
One man in the line, who wouldn't give his name, said:
"I really want a copy of Mr. Bolton's book, but, hey, if I don't get one, it's no big deal. It's only a stupid, shitty book, after all."


thespoof--2020-06-22--John Bolton Book Queues Latest

John Bolton Book Queues Latest


thespoof--2020-06-23--Trump Makes Freudian Slip In Black Lives Matter Speech

There were more protests in cities across the country last night , complemented by riots , fires and looting , after President Donald Trump , speaking during a televised address to the nation about his `` tremendous heartfelt and genuine concern '' for the lives of black people , made an unforgivable , horrendous Freudian Slip .
Trump , clearly unnerved by recent events , used the phrase : The country groaned .
In some places , there was laughter , and hollering and whooping were heard from small pockets .
Trump looked confused , and hesitated for a moment @ @ @ @ @ @ @ did n't seem to be able to put his finger on it .
He reached for a glass of water with both hands , but dropped it .
There was more groaning .
Before the end of the speech , the streets were full of angry people , and police everywhere sprang to their duties to quell the trouble .
White House officials said later that the President had `` misspoken '' , that `` anyone can make a mistake '' , and that `` this , in no way , represents the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' .

There were more protests in cities across the country last night, complemented by riots, fires and looting, after President Donald Trump, speaking during a televised address to the nation about his "tremendous heartfelt and genuine concern" for the lives of black people, made an unforgivable, horrendous Freudian Slip.
Trump, clearly unnerved by recent events, used the phrase:
"Black slaves matter".
The country groaned. In some places, there was laughter, and hollering and whooping were heard from small pockets.
Trump looked confused, and hesitated for a moment. He knew something was wrong, but didn't seem to be able to put his finger on it.
He reached for a glass of water with both hands, but dropped it.
There was more groaning.
Before the end of the speech, the streets were full of angry people, and police everywhere sprang to their duties to quell the trouble.
White House officials said later that the President had "misspoken", that "anyone can make a mistake", and that "this, in no way, represents the President's sentiments towards the black issue".


thespoof--2020-06-22--Hillary’s Pink Pantsuit Statue Goes Down In Nation’s Capital

The Good : Hillary wasn ’ t riding a horse .
The Bad : No one knew the difference .
@ @ @ @ @ wearing a pink pantsuit .
Outside Hillary Clinton ’ s mansion in Washington , D.C. @ @ @ @ @ in the capital , is a statue of her wearing her standard , government issued @ @ @ @ @ , faithfully depicting her rumbling buttocks as two Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a @ @ @ @ @ her justice .
When the demonstrators , frustrated because they couldn ’ t topple the @ @ @ @ @ Memorial , discovered Hillary ’ s statue , they didn ’ t care who it @ @ @ @ @ some action .
The twenty-foot statue didn ’ t come down easily .
The ballast @ @ @ @ @ proved formidable .
Yet , in the end , she came down as if she @ @ @ @ @ Slim : “ Who am I to judge the merits of one statue over another @ @

BILLINGSGATE POST: Hillary Clinton’s statue toppled by demonstrators.
The Good: Hillary wasn’t riding a horse.
The Bad: No one knew the difference.
The Ugly: She was wearing a pink pantsuit.
Outside Hillary Clinton’s mansion in Washington, D.C., used when she is in the capital, is a statue of her wearing her standard, government issued pink pantsuit. From behind, faithfully depicting her rumbling buttocks as two Bulldogs fighting for a porkchop in a gunnysack, the sculptor did her justice.
When the demonstrators, frustrated because they couldn’t topple the Washington Monument or the Jefferson Memorial, discovered Hillary’s statue, they didn’t care who it was. They just wanted some action.
The twenty-foot statue didn’t come down easily. The ballast provided by her XXX-Large buttocks proved formidable. Yet, in the end, she came down as if she were a common plutocrat.
Slim: “Who am I to judge the merits of one statue over another?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Statues are so yesterday.”


thespoof--2020-06-22--Starr charged with being socially annoying

Ex-Beatles drummer , Richard Starkey , affectionately known as Ringo Starr , was today taken into custody by the LAPD @ @ @ @ @ public nuisance .
Starr has recently been busy on all the social.media platforms , including @ @ @ @ @ `` peace and love '' , and inviting people to get excited over his optimistic @ @ @ @ @ Police Department have grown tired of his constant ranting and his annoying Liverpudlian accent , @ @ @ @ @ accordance with local statutes .
Even in custody , Starr annoyed the heck out of @ @ @ @ @ peace and love '' .
It 's believed that Starr will get a lengthy custodial @ @ @ @ @ will shut him up for good .

Ex-Beatles drummer, Richard Starkey, affectionately known as Ringo Starr, was today taken into custody by the LAPD and charged with being a public nuisance.
Starr has recently been busy on all the social.media platforms, including YouTube and Instagram, proclaiming "peace and love", and inviting people to get excited over his optimistic message.
However, the Police Department have grown tired of his constant ranting and his annoying Liverpudlian accent, so they have acted in accordance with local statutes. Even in custody, Starr annoyed the heck out of officers by stridently affirming "peace and love".
It's believed that Starr will get a lengthy custodial sentence which the Police hope will shut him up for good.


thespoof--2020-06-22--Sleepy Joe Gives Order To Not Resuscitate Him If He Wins Election

BILLINGSGATE POST : Sleepy Joe Biden wants to go out quietly .
He said he would be watching the election @ @ @ @ @ while laid out horizontally on his favorite Naugahyde BarcaLounger .
His wife , err ... @ @ @ @ @ to not resuscitate him if he should be elected president .
“ I have full @ @ @ @ @ be in good hands if I don ’ t make it to the inauguration , @ @ @ @ @ “ When I finally pick my running mate , I will make sure she is @ @ @ @ @ economy upside-down , and that my son , Hunter , profits from it.
” Slim @ @ @ @ @ can a man have for his country than to be laid out on his BarcaLounger @ @

BILLINGSGATE POST: Sleepy Joe Biden wants to go out quietly. He said he would be watching the election results from his basement headquarters while laid out horizontally on his favorite Naugahyde BarcaLounger.
His wife, err...sister, was given orders to not resuscitate him if he should be elected president.
“I have full confidence that our country will be in good hands if I don’t make it to the inauguration,” said Sleepy Joe.
“When I finally pick my running mate, I will make sure she is fully capable of turning our economy upside-down, and that my son, Hunter, profits from it.”
“May I Rest In Peace, Amen.”
Slim: “What greater love can a man have for his country than to be laid out on his BarcaLounger?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Let sleeping dogs lie.”


thespoof--2020-06-23--Psychologists Have Just Given Kayleigh McEnany a New Nickname: The Lie Teller

CHICAGO – Many of the nation ’ s leading psychologists , including Harvard University professor , Galileo W. Quicksmith , @ @ @ @ @ press secretary , Kayleigh McEnany , is basically a female clone of President Trump .
@ @ @ @ @ one did not know any better , one would swear that the little blonde pixie @ @ @ @ @ s loins .
It is certainly no secret that every member of Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ all of his thousands and thousands of endless lies , hook , line , and @ @ @ @ @ sardine fishermen say .
Kayleigh , which means ‘ given to fibbing ’ in Bohemian @ @ @ @ @ that indoctrinated her into acting exactly as mean , heartless , and cruel as her @ @ @ @ @ wrote in an article which appeared in The Right Coast Revue , that McEnany actually @ @ @ @ @ a mirror in her White House office , which POTUS secretly refers to as the @ @ @

CHICAGO – Many of the nation’s leading psychologists, including Harvard University professor, Galileo W. Quicksmith, have said that White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, is basically a female clone of President Trump.
The professor said, if one did not know any better, one would swear that the little blonde pixie had sprung from DJT’s loins.
Professor Quicksmith has aptly nicknamed McEnany "The Lie Teller".
It is certainly no secret that every member of Trump’s staff and base will swallow all of his thousands and thousands of endless lies, hook, line, and sinker, as the Norwegian sardine fishermen say.
Kayleigh, which means ‘given to fibbing’ in Bohemian, has been given shots that indoctrinated her into acting exactly as mean, heartless, and cruel as her orange-colored boss.
Professor Quicksmith wrote in an article which appeared in The Right Coast Revue, that McEnany actually practices lying in front of a mirror in her White House office, which POTUS secretly refers to as the Doll House.


thespoof--2020-06-23--Justin Bieber Addresses Those Alleged SXSW Sexual Assault Allegations

LOS ANGELES – Justin Bieber says that he does not want to have to address the fake alleged allegations of assault , but he has to , because it is his voting right and his right to bear arms .
Needless to say , the Beeb still partakes of the brewskis .
He noted that the alleger , who is alleging that the assault allegations took place at the SXSW Music Festival & Jalapeno-Eating Contest in Austin , Texas , is named Danielle Gertrude Tchaikovsky , which he points out is a made-up name , if ever there was one @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jeanine Pirro , that he just got his 400th tattoo , asks why in the world would he have to assault Miss Tchaikovsky , when at the time he was dating the beautifully-stunning Selena Gomez , who he says , in the looks department , is a 10 , whereas Danielle is a 2 .
The 26-year-old native of Canada shrugged his shoulders and remarked , “ Hey , lissen up , dis Dani chick is just jealous of the fact that my sexy , gorgeous , lascivious wife , Hailey Baldwin , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Beeb ’ s stuff.
” Meanwhile , Miss Tchaikovsky ’ s attorney says that his client will gladly settle for $ 2.9 million , plus an autographed Justin Bieber shirt , a Justin Bieber 8 by 10 glossy suitable for framing , and a Justin Bieber motorcycle .

LOS ANGELES – Justin Bieber says that he does not want to have to address the fake alleged allegations of assault, but he has to, because it is his voting right and his right to bear arms.
Needless to say, the Beeb still partakes of the brewskis.
He noted that the alleger, who is alleging that the assault allegations took place at the SXSW Music Festival & Jalapeno-Eating Contest in Austin, Texas, is named Danielle Gertrude Tchaikovsky, which he points out is a made-up name, if ever there was one.
Bieber, who recently told Judge Jeanine Pirro, that he just got his 400th tattoo, asks why in the world would he have to assault Miss Tchaikovsky, when at the time he was dating the beautifully-stunning Selena Gomez, who he says, in the looks department, is a 10, whereas Danielle is a 2.
The 26-year-old native of Canada shrugged his shoulders and remarked, “Hey, lissen up, dis Dani chick is just jealous of the fact that my sexy, gorgeous, lascivious wife, Hailey Baldwin, is da only gal who gets da Beeb’s stuff.”
Meanwhile, Miss Tchaikovsky’s attorney says that his client will gladly settle for $2.9 million, plus an autographed Justin Bieber shirt, a Justin Bieber 8 by 10 glossy suitable for framing, and a Justin Bieber motorcycle.


thespoof--2020-06-23--Anti-Trump Evangelicals From The Crop Rotating State of Iowa Speak Out About Their Former Messiah Do

Anti-Trump Evangelicals From The Crop Rotating State of Iowa Speak Out About Their Former Messiah Donald J. Trump

Corn Shuck , Iowa – A group of very devoted evangelicals , who had been blindly following President Donald Trump , met at a Knights of Ponce De Leon Meeting Hall .
The spokesperson of the group , who said his name was Marco Polo , stated that they have been growing more and more disgruntled with the dozens , then hundreds , and now thousands , of incessant lies that come out of Trump ’ s orange mouth .
They stressed that there is no way in their heart of hearts , or stomach of stomachs that they can @ @ @ @ @ @ @ self-centered , leathery-faced punk who only cares about himself , KFC Chicken Tenders , Ivanka ( aka the White House Barbie ) , Scott Baio , Hope Hicks , and Big Macs .
Another group member , Jenny Greenstone , 42 , said that she compares Trump to a pit bull , but adds that there is a difference , in that , a pit bull has balls , whereas Trump has ovaries .
Greenstone noted that the `` Racist-in-Chief '' is so damned mean , that when the Devil greets him at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 'll tell him : `` Fella , we ’ ve got lots of mean sons-of-bitches , and bitches down here , like Hitler , Mussolini , Hirohito , Jeffrey Dahmer , Charles Manson , Ted Bundy , and Laura Ingraham , but compared to you , those mother effers are all pantywaists.
” Mrs. Greenstone had mentioned that Laura Ingraham was already in Hell , but that is not the case .
Actually , the horse-looking beatch is still spewing forth her hellishly hate-filled hatred at Fox News .

Corn Shuck, Iowa – A group of very devoted evangelicals, who had been blindly following President Donald Trump, met at a Knights of Ponce De Leon Meeting Hall.
The spokesperson of the group, who said his name was Marco Polo, stated that they have been growing more and more disgruntled with the dozens, then hundreds, and now thousands, of incessant lies that come out of Trump’s orange mouth.
They stressed that there is no way in their heart of hearts, or stomach of stomachs that they can clearly vote for such a heartless, self-centered, leathery-faced punk who only cares about himself, KFC Chicken Tenders, Ivanka (aka the White House Barbie), Scott Baio, Hope Hicks, and Big Macs.
Another group member, Jenny Greenstone, 42, said that she compares Trump to a pit bull, but adds that there is a difference, in that, a pit bull has balls, whereas Trump has ovaries.
Greenstone noted that the "Racist-in-Chief" is so damned mean, that when the Devil greets him at the fiery gates of Hell, he'll tell him: "Fella, we’ve got lots of mean sons-of-bitches, and bitches down here, like Hitler, Mussolini, Hirohito, Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, and Laura Ingraham, but compared to you, those mother effers are all pantywaists.”
Mrs. Greenstone had mentioned that Laura Ingraham was already in Hell, but that is not the case. Actually, the horse-looking beatch is still spewing forth her hellishly hate-filled hatred at Fox News.


thespoof--2020-06-23--President Trump is Desperately Trying to Sell Mar-a-Lago Before the Asteroid Hits and Totally Destro

President Trump is Desperately Trying to Sell Mar-a-Lago Before the Asteroid Hits and Totally Destroys It

MAR-A-LAGO , Florida – A White House insider said that the night of Trump ’ s horrendously , horrific , Tulsa Campaign Rally , he only got 29 minutes of sleep .
He flew down to the Southern White House , Mar-a-Lago on Air Force One the next morning .
Meteorologists have reported that an asteroid , which they have nicknamed Nancy Pelosi , and is roughly the size of Seattle , is shooting through space heading directly for Mar-a-Lago .
Ivanka Trump recently told Don Lemon with CNN , that her daddy is going crazy trying to find someone @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to ashes .
Trump called Russian leader , Vladimir Putin , who told him he already owns a $ 4.2 million mansion in Vermont , a 900-acre turtle ranch in South Dakota , and a 27,000-square-foot house of ill-repute in Nuevo Laredo , Mexico .
The President then called up his old love interest , North Korean leader and pen pal , Kim Jong-un , who quickly told Trump , “ Hey , shit for brains , don ’ t be bothering me .
I ’ m in the process of launching another @ @ @ @ @

MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – A White House insider said that the night of Trump’s horrendously, horrific, Tulsa Campaign Rally, he only got 29 minutes of sleep.
He flew down to the Southern White House, Mar-a-Lago on Air Force One the next morning.
Meteorologists have reported that an asteroid, which they have nicknamed Nancy Pelosi, and is roughly the size of Seattle, is shooting through space heading directly for Mar-a-Lago.
Ivanka Trump recently told Don Lemon with CNN, that her daddy is going crazy trying to find someone to buy Mar-a-Lago before it is reduced to ashes.
Trump called Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, who told him he already owns a $4.2 million mansion in Vermont, a 900-acre turtle ranch in South Dakota, and a 27,000-square-foot house of ill-repute in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.
The President then called up his old love interest, North Korean leader and pen pal, Kim Jong-un, who quickly told Trump, “Hey, shit for brains, don’t be bothering me. I’m in the process of launching another missile over Japan.”


thespoof--2020-06-22--Friend With Tinnitus Ruins Another Road Trip Singalong

One of the friends you invited on the weekend trip to the shore has tinnitus , so don ’ t turn the volume up too high .
Jake Miller , 24 , was diagnosed with tinnitus two years ago .
Tinnitus is an underlying condition of many ear issues , that results in a constant ringing or buzzing in the ear .
“ Some days it ’ s not as bad as other days , ” Miller explained .
“ It just sucks that I ’ m only 24 and already have these problems.
” Miller and three of his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they decided to take a trip to Rhode Island , which includes close to six total hours of driving , round-trip .
Ryan Johnson , 23 , made a playlist specifically for the trip .
It featured a mix of popular hits throughout the years , mixed in with relaxing “ beach-vibes ” .
The first few miles were spent talking , so no one really paid attention to the music .
The opening guitar riff of “ Mr .
Brightside ” by American rock band , The Killers , broke through the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ volume without hesitation .
As all four belted out the lyrics , Miller winced slightly , but joined in .
As that song ended , the conversation picked back up again , but no one turned the music back down .
This is something only Miller noticed .
“ I tried to ignore it for as long as I could , but now everyone was talking louder to talk over the loud music , and the ringing was really starting to bug me , ” Miller said .
Miller requested that they turn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ speakers in the back seat where he was sitting were louder than the speakers up front .
Miller ’ s friends granted his request , and began their quiet resentment of him for the rest of the trip .
“ I was like , ‘ this is classic , ’ ” Johnson said to Adam Leporio , 24 , while stopped at a gas station .
“ It really wasn ’ t even that loud.
” A few more songs like Earth , Wind & Fire ’ s “ September ” , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” , caused the same scene to play out several more times until the friends arrived at their destination .
Miller rushed inside to use the bathroom .
His friends openly complained about him just outside the bathroom door , but he could not hear them for the consistent ringing that has plagued his mind for every waking moment these past two unbearable years , and , as it continued to grow louder , he wondered if there would be any respite from this form of living hell that will only grow worse @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ We ’ re definitely not bringing him next time , ” Leporio said .

One of the friends you invited on the weekend trip to the shore has tinnitus, so don’t turn the volume up too high.
Jake Miller, 24, was diagnosed with tinnitus two years ago. Tinnitus is an underlying condition of many ear issues, that results in a constant ringing or buzzing in the ear.
“Some days it’s not as bad as other days,” Miller explained. “It just sucks that I’m only 24 and already have these problems.”
Miller and three of his friends had a free weekend, so they decided to take a trip to Rhode Island, which includes close to six total hours of driving, round-trip.
Ryan Johnson, 23, made a playlist specifically for the trip. It featured a mix of popular hits throughout the years, mixed in with relaxing “beach-vibes”. The first few miles were spent talking, so no one really paid attention to the music.
The opening guitar riff of “Mr. Brightside” by American rock band, The Killers, broke through the conversation, and Johnson turned up the volume without hesitation. As all four belted out the lyrics, Miller winced slightly, but joined in.
As that song ended, the conversation picked back up again, but no one turned the music back down. This is something only Miller noticed.
“I tried to ignore it for as long as I could, but now everyone was talking louder to talk over the loud music, and the ringing was really starting to bug me,” Miller said.
Miller requested that they turn down the music slightly, claiming the speakers in the back seat where he was sitting were louder than the speakers up front.
Miller’s friends granted his request, and began their quiet resentment of him for the rest of the trip.
“I was like, ‘this is classic,’” Johnson said to Adam Leporio, 24, while stopped at a gas station. “It really wasn’t even that loud.”
A few more songs like Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September”, and Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline”, caused the same scene to play out several more times until the friends arrived at their destination.
Miller rushed inside to use the bathroom. His friends openly complained about him just outside the bathroom door, but he could not hear them for the consistent ringing that has plagued his mind for every waking moment these past two unbearable years, and, as it continued to grow louder, he wondered if there would be any respite from this form of living hell that will only grow worse as the years slowly roll on.
“We’re definitely not bringing him next time,” Leporio said.


thespoof--2020-06-23--Spoof Writer Turns 90; Attributes Longevity to Life Insurance

Covina , CA .
Exclusive - to any editor who will print this .
An aging Spoof contributor , who turns 90 on Thursday , gave this reporter an exclusive interview at the local library this morning .
When asked 'to what he or she attributes his or her long life ? '
, the answer came without hesitation .
`` My expensive life insurance policy .
At an early age , I bought a $ 100,000-term life policy with relatively cheap premiums .
When I turned 50 , the benefit decreased significantly , and the premiums went up .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ insurance .
At 60 , the benefit fell to $ 10,000 , and the cost rose to $ 59 a month .
I really did n't need the policy then , since the kids were grown , but I kept it anyway .
`` Each decade during my 60s , 70s and 80s , I paid roughly $ 7200 in premiums , totaling over $ 21,000 , Why did I keep paying that ?
Because I was convinced that , if I dropped the policy , I would also drop dead right away @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Who would n't gladly pay $ 59 for another month of life on earth ?
That was a no brainer !
Who knows ?
Those $ 59 monthly payments may keep me healthy until I 'm 100 ! ''
Our interview ended and the Spoofer hobbled off on his two canes , falling twice , and rested on a chair before attempting the two steps up to the exit .

Covina, CA. Exclusive - to any editor who will print this. An aging Spoof contributor, who turns 90 on Thursday, gave this reporter an exclusive interview at the local library this morning. When asked 'to what he or she attributes his or her long life?', the answer came without hesitation.
"My expensive life insurance policy. At an early age, I bought a $100,000-term life policy with relatively cheap premiums. When I turned 50, the benefit decreased significantly, and the premiums went up. But I continued to pay for the insurance. At 60, the benefit fell to $10,000, and the cost rose to $59 a month. I really didn't need the policy then, since the kids were grown, but I kept it anyway.
"Each decade during my 60s, 70s and 80s, I paid roughly $7200 in premiums, totaling over $21,000, Why did I keep paying that? Because I was convinced that, if I dropped the policy, I would also drop dead right away, and my heirs would get nothing. Who wouldn't gladly pay $59 for another month of life on earth? That was a no brainer! Who knows? Those $59 monthly payments may keep me healthy until I'm 100!"
Our interview ended and the Spoofer hobbled off on his two canes, falling twice, and rested on a chair before attempting the two steps up to the exit.


thespoof--2020-06-24--Trump and Bolton duel in the White House dining room with candelabras and real candles

Breaking : Sources indicate a late-weekend development has been disclosed , although the whistleblower is not yet identified .
The leak indicates White House dining room wait personnel with video cameras were involved , as with Russia-related agents in disguise .
The Trump-Bolton Imbroglio over Bolton 's book came to a head violently late on Sunday evening .
A stage had to be set , however , for historical reasons , let alone possible money .
By now , the vitriol between the two has reached record-breaking levels .
Trump is a “ sick puppy ” and Bolton is “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by everybody in The White House . ''
Such an extraordinary rupture of behavior protocol at these levels is unheard of .
MSM news announced it .
A White House aide delivered the locale : White House Dining Room , Midnight , June 21 ; lighting by candelabra with actual candles .
The HOW caused the greatest difficulties .
*release of weapon at any time within entry to ten paces allowed ; Runways would be built from each side of the room , onto which would stroll beautiful and sensual women in a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would be proxy duelists .
The winning side would be judged by an expert panel of disinterested persons , such as Rachel Maddow and Rudy Giuliani .
Whoever lost would be legally bound to shut his mouth forever .
Ring time : Spectators were showing signs of something , an unusual excitement .
The girls entered .
They came slyly forth , shadows in the candle-light , twirling and gliding .
The girls dazzled .
Their bodies performed with torso thrusts and expositions -- as crowd noise grew on and on until -- @ @ @ @ @ @ @ off !
We want if ALL off !
Come on !
Come on !
” and such requests .
The mayhem grew and had to be assisted by White House Security .

Breaking: Sources indicate a late-weekend development has been disclosed, although the whistleblower is not yet identified.
The leak indicates White House dining room wait personnel with video cameras were involved, as with Russia-related agents in disguise.
The Trump-Bolton Imbroglio over Bolton's book came to a head violently late on Sunday evening.
A stage had to be set, however, for historical reasons, let alone possible money.
By now, the vitriol between the two has reached record-breaking levels.
Trump is a “sick puppy” and Bolton is “a liar” who was "hated by everybody in The White House."
Such an extraordinary rupture of behavior protocol at these levels is unheard of.
MSM news announced it. A White House aide delivered the locale: White House Dining Room, Midnight, June 21; lighting by candelabra with actual candles.
The HOW caused the greatest difficulties.
Discussion:
*release of weapon at any time within entry to ten paces allowed;
*rapid fire pistols not allowed;
*19th century powder and ball not allowed;
*arm-wrestling rejected by Mr. Bolton;
*chess rejected by Mr. Trump;
*knife-fighting rejected;
*wrestling in a WWW auditorium rejected by Mr. Bolton;
*intellectual discussion of Abraham Lincoln rejected by Mr. Trump.
Answer:
Runways would be built from each side of the room, onto which would stroll beautiful and sensual women in a performance of High Body Art.
These would be proxy duelists.
The winning side would be judged by an expert panel of disinterested persons, such as Rachel Maddow and Rudy Giuliani.
Whoever lost would be legally bound to shut his mouth forever.
Ring time:
Spectators were showing signs of something, an unusual excitement.
(No masks required because dining situation; getting on rowdy.)
The girls entered. They came slyly forth, shadows in the candle-light, twirling and gliding.
The girls dazzled. Their bodies performed with torso thrusts and expositions--as crowd noise grew on and on until--
Uproar.
“Take it off! Take it off! We want if ALL off! Come on! Come on!” and such requests.
The mayhem grew and had to be assisted by White House Security.
The duel ended in a draw.


thespoof--2020-06-24--WTF! Roy Rogers’ Horse “Trigger” Toppled By Masked Men

BILLINGSGATE POST : First it was Confederate generals .
Next it was Christopher Columbus and Junipero Serra .
Revisionist wackos are now talking about nuking Mount Rushmore , where the busts of Washington , Jefferson , Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt were carved out of the mountain .
That was all taken with a grain of salt .
But when they went to Branson , Missouri , and tipped over Trigger , perhaps it was a step too far .
Trigger ’ s original name was Golden Cloud .
He was born on a ranch in San Diego , California in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ changed the horse 's name to Trigger in 1938 for their first movie together , “ Under Western Stars ” .
When Trigger died , in 1965 , his hide was mounted over a plaster cast of a rearing horse .
The mounting was done by Billingsgate Taxidermy .
Dr. Billingsgate , who earned his Ph.D in Taxidermy under the tutelage of Hannibal Lecter , received the Golden Stuffing Award for his work .
For years , Trigger was visited by his many fans in a museum in Victorville , California .
Many @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Some even tried to feed him oats , surprised that he didn ’ t munch them from their outstretched hands .
After the deaths of Roy Roger and Dale Evans , he was moved to Branson , Missouri , where he was sold at auction in 2010 .
Trigger went for $ 266,500 to a local cable TV company , where he has been displayed for the last ten years in their lobby .
Yesterday , he was unceremoniously lassoed and toppled by three masked men .
Who were those masked men @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He ’ s the next to go .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: First it was Confederate generals. Next it was Christopher Columbus and Junipero Serra. Revisionist wackos are now talking about nuking Mount Rushmore, where the busts of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt were carved out of the mountain.
That was all taken with a grain of salt. But when they went to Branson, Missouri, and tipped over Trigger, perhaps it was a step too far.
Trigger’s original name was Golden Cloud. He was born on a ranch in San Diego, California in either 1932 or 1934. Roy Rogers changed the horse's name to Trigger in 1938 for their first movie together, “Under Western Stars”.
When Trigger died, in 1965, his hide was mounted over a plaster cast of a rearing horse. The mounting was done by Billingsgate Taxidermy. Dr. Billingsgate, who earned his Ph.D in Taxidermy under the tutelage of Hannibal Lecter, received the Golden Stuffing Award for his work.
For years, Trigger was visited by his many fans in a museum in Victorville, California. Many were overwhelmed by how life-like he appeared. Some even tried to feed him oats, surprised that he didn’t munch them from their outstretched hands.
After the deaths of Roy Roger and Dale Evans, he was moved to Branson, Missouri, where he was sold at auction in 2010. Trigger went for $266,500 to a local cable TV company, where he has been displayed for the last ten years in their lobby.
Yesterday, he was unceremoniously lassoed and toppled by three masked men.
Who were those masked men?
Slim: “Hi Ho, Silver! Away!”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He’s the next to go.”


thespoof--2020-06-24--Jed Blockhead, right wing Redneck, hangs himself unintentionally

A rather peculiar thing happened in Redneck territory , downtown Buckweed , Alabama , a tiny hamlet lost in time last week .
Jed the Redneck was busy removing a BLM sign strung up between a cypress tree and a Kentucky Fried Chicklet outlet wishing to replace it with a Confederate flag .
Whilst stretching too far to the right , the rope attached to the banner tangled around his neck , leaving him dangling above a dusty road .
Sadly , the KKK were too busy marching in protest against BLM in another part of town , and failed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , aging blues singer called Walter Muddy , twinging his strings for a buck or two outside the poultry establishment , did attempt to save Jed , but knowing the police would kick the shit out of him and blame him if he was seen at the scene , decided to say a prayer and gave a rousing version of Amazing Grace to passing punters waiting outside , two meters apart , waiting for a chicken leg or two .
The police arrived later , looked around to see if any black people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ blame for Jed 's unfortunate mishap , but , luckily , they were all at home in lock-down eating chicken legs .
After banging on a few doors , the local police came to the conclusion that nobody saw poor old Jed swinging , or how he came to be dangling there .
After changing uniforms into their evening KKK gowns , a torch-lit march was held in honor of poor old Jed Blockhead , honorable Redneck and total KKK moron .
The black fraternity were too busy to attend the march , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ church singing the original version of George Harrison 's nicked , My Sweet Lord .
Amen .

A rather peculiar thing happened in Redneck territory, downtown Buckweed, Alabama, a tiny hamlet lost in time last week. Jed the Redneck was busy removing a BLM sign strung up between a cypress tree and a Kentucky Fried Chicklet outlet wishing to replace it with a Confederate flag.
Whilst stretching too far to the right, the rope attached to the banner tangled around his neck, leaving him dangling above a dusty road. Sadly, the KKK were too busy marching in protest against BLM in another part of town, and failed to save their comrade.
A black, aging blues singer called Walter Muddy, twinging his strings for a buck or two outside the poultry establishment, did attempt to save Jed, but knowing the police would kick the shit out of him and blame him if he was seen at the scene, decided to say a prayer and gave a rousing version of Amazing Grace to passing punters waiting outside, two meters apart, waiting for a chicken leg or two.
The police arrived later, looked around to see if any black people were in the vicinity who they could blame for Jed's unfortunate mishap, but, luckily, they were all at home in lock-down eating chicken legs.
After banging on a few doors, the local police came to the conclusion that nobody saw poor old Jed swinging, or how he came to be dangling there. After changing uniforms into their evening KKK gowns, a torch-lit march was held in honor of poor old Jed Blockhead, honorable Redneck and total KKK moron.
The black fraternity were too busy to attend the march, because they were in the local baptist church singing the original version of George Harrison's nicked, My Sweet Lord. Amen.


thespoof--2020-06-24--President Trump Says He's Thinking About Pardoning Bill Cosby

WASHINGTON , D.C. – In a surprise move that even caught Trump ’ s top aide , Kellyanne Conway , and his number one ass-kisser , Sean Hannity , by surprise , the President has commented that he is considering pardoning alleged sexual predator , Bill Cosby .
The man who was once known as America ’ s Dad is now known as The Puddin ’ Pop Pudenda Grabber , , which is a play on words regarding that other fella with similar characteristics , The Big Mac Pudenda Grabber .
Trump was asked why he would even consider pardoning @ @ @ @ @ @ @ `` Bunker Boy '' was reminded that over 50 adult women had stated that he had sexually assaulted them .
DJT fiddled with his little fingers , and said , `` I like women who weren ’ t assaulted . ''
`` What ? ''
was asked .
Trump replied that he was only joking , which has become his standard reply to anything that he says that falls into the stupid and ignorant category .
POTUS then informed the media that , from now on , anytime that he says anything that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ idiotic , he wants them to know that he was just joking .
He took a bite out of his Big Mac , and said , `` Remember females have ovaries , it takes two to tango , and women who wear Daisy Duke short shorts are just asking to be grasped , grabbed , or groped . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise move that even caught Trump’s top aide, Kellyanne Conway, and his number one ass-kisser, Sean Hannity, by surprise, the President has commented that he is considering pardoning alleged sexual predator, Bill Cosby.
The man who was once known as America’s Dad is now known as The Puddin’ Pop Pudenda Grabber,, which is a play on words regarding that other fella with similar characteristics, The Big Mac Pudenda Grabber.
Trump was asked why he would even consider pardoning an evil man such as Cosby.
"Bunker Boy" was reminded that over 50 adult women had stated that he had sexually assaulted them.
DJT fiddled with his little fingers, and said, "I like women who weren’t assaulted."
"What?" was asked. Trump replied that he was only joking, which has become his standard reply to anything that he says that falls into the stupid and ignorant category.
POTUS then informed the media that, from now on, anytime that he says anything that is absolutely outrageous, racist, or idiotic, he wants them to know that he was just joking.
He took a bite out of his Big Mac, and said, "Remember females have ovaries, it takes two to tango, and women who wear Daisy Duke short shorts are just asking to be grasped, grabbed, or groped."


thespoof--2020-06-24--Trump Orders Hospital Ship to Phoenix

Trump Orders Hospital Ship to Phoenix

Port of Yuma , AZ .
Special to The Spoof .
With Covid-19 cases and deaths escalating throughout Arizona , impacting the availability of hospital beds and intensive care units , ventilators and personal protective equipment , the President has responded by issuing an executive order that would send the USS Comfort from its home base in San Diego to the Gulf of California , and up the Colorado River to the port here .
Naval officials were dismayed , since the river is only deep enough for a ship of that size during flood time .
The last time @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a century ago , when it was caught in the famous Great Bore of the Colorado and carried upstream from the gulf , only to be wrecked many miles south of Yuma .
The White House apparently relied on a late 19th century atlas that listed Yuma as a port of entry , but not a port for vessels .
Irrigation canals running west from Phoenix to the Colorado river may have given Trump the impression that the Comfort could reach the state capital , where the pandemic has worsened .
Trump 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sailed .

Port of Yuma, AZ. Special to The Spoof. With Covid-19 cases and deaths escalating throughout Arizona, impacting the availability of hospital beds and intensive care units, ventilators and personal protective equipment, the President has responded by issuing an executive order that would send the USS Comfort from its home base in San Diego to the Gulf of California, and up the Colorado River to the port here.
Naval officials were dismayed, since the river is only deep enough for a ship of that size during flood time. The last time an ocean-going ship approached Yuma was nearly a century ago, when it was caught in the famous Great Bore of the Colorado and carried upstream from the gulf, only to be wrecked many miles south of Yuma.
The White House apparently relied on a late 19th century atlas that listed Yuma as a port of entry, but not a port for vessels. Irrigation canals running west from Phoenix to the Colorado river may have given Trump the impression that the Comfort could reach the state capital, where the pandemic has worsened.
Trump's order was rescinded before the Comfort had sailed.


thespoof--2020-06-23--President Trump's Freudian Slip In Black Lives Matter Speech


thespoof--2020-06-25--Joe Biden changes his name to Joe Bidet

Joe Biden changes his name to Joe Bidet

Joe Bidet , formerly known as Joe Biden , announced today to a large gathering of twelve people , including @ @ @ @ @ sits on the toilet backwards .
“ Yea..
I just..
I wanna.. you know ?
@ @ @ @ @ I make my lunch in the bowl.. it ’ s a salad bowel.. you know.. @ @ @ @ @ “ Call me Joe Bidet .
I sit in the bidet.. you know.. 'cause when @ @ @ @ @ to eat lunch , the poop lands on the floor.. everybody does it.. every bidet.. @ @ @ @

[UPDATE WRITE-THROUGH]
Joe from his basement explains the real reason he sits backwards on the toilette:
“It was Cornpop. He made me do it. He chained me there, with my pool chain. He used to shave all the hair off my legs and he liked to rub them and..”
At this point the live feed from Joe’s basement went blank and a Corona Beer commercial came on.
Oakland, CA - Miss Buttercups Beauty Contest
Joe Bidet, formerly known as Joe Biden, announced today to a large gathering of twelve people, including one reporter, that he sits on the toilet backwards.
“Yea.. I just.. I wanna.. you know? I thought.. My daddy .. I make my lunch in the bowl.. it’s a salad bowel.. you know.. I just wanna.
“Call me Joe Bidet. I sit in the bidet.. you know.. 'cause when I sit on the toilet to eat lunch, the poop lands on the floor.. everybody does it.. every bidet.. call me Joe Bidet..
“Where’s the mens room?”
Silence gripped the room. Nobody dared answer.


thespoof--2020-06-25--White House To Remain White - For The Time Being

There is to be an all-channel announcement tonight about the future of the White House , after it had been rumored on various social media platforms , that , after pressure from the Black Lives Matter organization , the address at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue , Washington , DC , was to be painted black .
After the protesting , rioting , looting , setting-fire to cars and other vehicles , and general mass demonstrations across the country during the last two weeks , and the demands for statues of now-disgraced former heroes to be pulled down , it was only @ @ @ @ @ @ @ up the sticky issue of the color of the White House .
Calls for it to be painted black were not taken seriously , as it might look a bit like the Munsters ' place .
Then , someone suggested `` the perfect compromise '' - gray .
This was thought to be rather commonplace .
Pastels were considered .
Orange was mentioned , but only by one person .
Other colors were also discussed , but it 's almost certain that , because of the overriding feeling of white supremacy throughout the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ remain white .
For the time being , anyway .

There is to be an all-channel announcement tonight about the future of the White House, after it had been rumored on various social media platforms, that, after pressure from the Black Lives Matter organization, the address at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC, was to be painted black.
After the protesting, rioting, looting, setting-fire to cars and other vehicles, and general mass demonstrations across the country during the last two weeks, and the demands for statues of now-disgraced former heroes to be pulled down, it was only a matter of time before someone brought up the sticky issue of the color of the White House.
Calls for it to be painted black were not taken seriously, as it might look a bit like the Munsters' place.
Then, someone suggested "the perfect compromise" - gray. This was thought to be rather commonplace.
Pastels were considered. Orange was mentioned, but only by one person.
Other colors were also discussed, but it's almost certain that, because of the overriding feeling of white supremacy throughout the United States, the White House will remain white.
For the time being, anyway.


thespoof--2020-06-25--Black Women In Open Revolt Against Violent Husbands

Just when we thought things could n't possibly get any worse after the recent Black Lives Matter demonstrations and riots , a new protest has begun , against the domestic violence suffered against their persons by the black wives of black men .
Statistics show that 81 % of black women married to , or cohabiting with , a black man have suffered violence at his hands .
Or feet .
Often both .
The women have grabbed their opportunity , in the current tension-filled atmosphere in the country , to highlight their plight , and to implore society to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ them equal .
`` We want our husbands , boyfriends and pimps to stop hitting on us , and treat us fairly and with respect . ''
But Michael Smith , a black man who is married to a black woman , and admits to beating her regularly , said : '' Personally , I think the women are being a little optimistic .
Beating a woman is part of black culture , it 's normal , it 's custom , it 's our heritage .
It came with us from Africa , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' `` We beat 'em , but we love 'em .
Secretly , they enjoy it ! ''
But Dick 's wife , Monique , denied this .
She said : '' Sometimes I enjoy it , and sometimes I do n't . ''

Just when we thought things couldn't possibly get any worse after the recent Black Lives Matter demonstrations and riots, a new protest has begun, against the domestic violence suffered against their persons by the black wives of black men.
The organization's name? Black Wives Matter.
Statistics show that 81% of black women married to, or cohabiting with, a black man have suffered violence at his hands. Or feet. Often both.
The women have grabbed their opportunity, in the current tension-filled atmosphere in the country, to highlight their plight, and to implore society to give them fair treatment, and make them equal.
Jemima Brown, a leading light for Black Wives Matter, said:
"We want our husbands, boyfriends and pimps to stop hitting on us, and treat us fairly and with respect."
But Michael Smith, a black man who is married to a black woman, and admits to beating her regularly, said:
"Personally, I think the women are being a little optimistic. Beating a woman is part of black culture, it's normal, it's custom, it's our heritage. It came with us from Africa, and it's in the blood."
Another black man, Dick Thompson, said:
"We beat 'em, but we love 'em. Secretly, they enjoy it!"
But Dick's wife, Monique, denied this. She said:
"Sometimes I enjoy it, and sometimes I don't."


thespoof--2020-06-25--Writing Website Didn't Explain Writing Very Well

An educational website that claimed it had an easy way for its readers to remember how to spell certain words has failed in its mission , after one man spotted a glaring error in its logic .
Moys Kenwood , 57 , wanted to check the spelling of the word 'instil ' , or , more specifically , whether or not it was spelt 'instill ' in the US .
To this end , he accessed www.writingexplained.org , a website that , you would have imagined , would have had the answer .
What he discovered was confusing .
He @ @ @ @ @ @ @ way to remember that instill is the American spelling of this word .
Instill is spelled with a double L , just like the American city of Dallas , Texas . ''
Which is fine , only if you can remember which American city you should think about when trying to remember how many letter ' l 's there are in instil/instill .
I mean , how is it possible to forget how to spell 'instill ' , but still possible to remember that you have to remember 'Dallas ' in order to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Imagine , if you will , what might happen if you tried to remember , and came up with 'Seattle ' instead of Dallas .
Or 'Indianapolis ' , which starts with 'in ' , and might easily lead one in the 'wrong direction ' , so to speak .
Might it not be better to try to remember the state 'Illinois ' ?
Although , on reading that back , it looks like it starts with three letter ' l 's .
Which would be confusing : '' I think it would @ @ @ @ @ @ @ readers that it is better to try and learn certain spellings WITHOUT trickery of the kind advised by dodgy grammar websites .
That is , unless you can correctly remember whether it 's Dalas , Seatlle , Indeanapolis , or Woshington you 're trying to associate the spellings with . ''

An educational website that claimed it had an easy way for its readers to remember how to spell certain words has failed in its mission, after one man spotted a glaring error in its logic.
Moys Kenwood, 57, wanted to check the spelling of the word 'instil', or, more specifically, whether or not it was spelt 'instill' in the US. To this end, he accessed www.writingexplained.org, a website that, you would have imagined, would have had the answer.
What he discovered was confusing. He read:
"There is an easy way to remember that instill is the American spelling of this word. Instill is spelled with a double L, just like the American city of Dallas, Texas."
Which is fine, only if you can remember which American city you should think about when trying to remember how many letter 'l's there are in instil/instill.
I mean, how is it possible to forget how to spell 'instill', but still possible to remember that you have to remember 'Dallas' in order to remember how to spell 'instill'?
Imagine, if you will, what might happen if you tried to remember, and came up with 'Seattle' instead of Dallas. Or 'Indianapolis', which starts with 'in', and might easily lead one in the 'wrong direction', so to speak.
Might it not be better to try to remember the state 'Illinois'? Although, on reading that back, it looks like it starts with three letter 'l's. Which would be confusing:
instilll
Said Kenwood:
"I think it would be better for me to instil in readers that it is better to try and learn certain spellings WITHOUT trickery of the kind advised by dodgy grammar websites. That is, unless you can correctly remember whether it's Dalas, Seatlle, Indeanapolis, or Woshington you're trying to associate the spellings with."


thespoof--2020-06-25--Trump’s Next Big MAGA Political Campaign Rally Will Be Held at a McDonalds

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A spokesperson for the 2020 Trump Presidential Campaign has just informed the media that Trump ’ @ @ @ @ @ will be held in Moose Mouth , North Dakota .
Campaign spokesperson , Peter “ @ @ @ @ @ pointed out that , since the Tulsa Campaign Rally was the biggest piece of embarrassing @ @ @ @ @ the word crapola , they have decided to go in a different direction .
He @ @ @ @ @ venues that can hold 20,000 people or more , and have only 175 to 190 @ @ @ @ @ `` Orange Balls '' look like the biggest loser since Adolf Hitler , they will @ @ @ @ @ rallies at fast-food restaurants .
The first fast-food campaign rally will take place at a @ @ @ @ @ Moose Mouth , catty corner from Honest Homer 's Honda Dealership .
Von Vixen commented @ @ @ @ @ , so let ’ s see CNN , MSNBC , Telemundo , and MTV show @ @ @ @ @ , like they were so quick to do in Tulsa . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A spokesperson for the 2020 Trump Presidential Campaign has just informed the media that Trump’s next world-famous campaign rally will be held in Moose Mouth, North Dakota.
Campaign spokesperson, Peter “Pepe” Von Vixen, pointed out that, since the Tulsa Campaign Rally was the biggest piece of embarrassing crapola in the history of the word crapola, they have decided to go in a different direction.
He said that instead of using venues that can hold 20,000 people or more, and have only 175 to 190 show up, making old "Orange Balls" look like the biggest loser since Adolf Hitler, they will now be having the official rallies at fast-food restaurants.
The first fast-food campaign rally will take place at a McDonalds, located in downtown Moose Mouth, catty corner from Honest Homer's Honda Dealership.
Von Vixen commented, “Okay, folks, so let’s see CNN, MSNBC, Telemundo, and MTV show some empty blue seats now, like they were so quick to do in Tulsa."


thespoof--2020-06-25--Many Evangelicals Are Now Admitting That President Trump Needs to be Put in a Home

SIOUX CITY , Iowa – After following him like baby ducklings behind their mama , Evangelicals are now starting to wake up and see the full picture , the picture that has always been in front of their holier-than-thou countenances .
And many of them are now stubbornly admitting that perhaps it ’ s time to put “ Bunker Boy ” in a home , where he can sit in front of a mirror and tell lie upon lie upon lie 24/7 .
Trump made his money by not paying electricians , plumbers , floor installers , painters , prostitutes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ workers .
The man who would love to be the king ( or queen ) of the United States , has finally been revealed for the lying scumbag that he is , by George Conway , with the Dump Trump 2020 organization .
Conway is married to Trump 's top adviser and a woman who makes an oil spill look pretty , Kellyanne Conway aka `` Whoa ! ''
George , who has to be one fantastic saint to be married to a woman who has the personality of a tumbleweed , says @ @ @ @ @ @ @ actually nothing more than a carnival barker yelling out “ Three balls for a dollar here !
” Anti-Trump organizations are sprouting up left and right all over the nation .
And between now and the November election , they will be hitting the effen “ Divider-in-Chief ” with every bit of negative information that Trump has ever uttered and created .
Like Joe Biden has said , Donnie Johnnie is fixing to get the biggest damn surprise of his racist-baiting life !

SIOUX CITY, Iowa – After following him like baby ducklings behind their mama, Evangelicals are now starting to wake up and see the full picture, the picture that has always been in front of their holier-than-thou countenances.
And many of them are now stubbornly admitting that perhaps it’s time to put “Bunker Boy” in a home, where he can sit in front of a mirror and tell lie upon lie upon lie 24/7.
Trump made his money by not paying electricians, plumbers, floor installers, painters, prostitutes, and dozens of other blue collar workers.
The man who would love to be the king (or queen) of the United States, has finally been revealed for the lying scumbag that he is, by George Conway, with the Dump Trump 2020 organization.
Conway is married to Trump's top adviser and a woman who makes an oil spill look pretty, Kellyanne Conway aka "Whoa!"
George, who has to be one fantastic saint to be married to a woman who has the personality of a tumbleweed, says that the "Tweet Creep" is actually nothing more than a carnival barker yelling out “Three balls for a dollar here!”
Anti-Trump organizations are sprouting up left and right all over the nation. And between now and the November election, they will be hitting the effen “Divider-in-Chief” with every bit of negative information that Trump has ever uttered and created.
Like Joe Biden has said, Donnie Johnnie is fixing to get the biggest damn surprise of his racist-baiting life!


thespoof--2020-06-26--Native American Indian With Dynamite Arrested At Mount Rushmore

It 's been announced in the last few minutes , that police in the Black Hills have apprehended and arrested a man carrying a quantity of dynamite in the area of Mount Rushmore .
The man was said by witnesses to be a Native American indian , and looked about 150 years old .
Mount Rushmore , located in the Black Hills in Keystone , South Dakota , is known worldwide for the likenesses of former US presidents , George Washington , Thomas Jefferson , Theodore Roosevelt , and Abraham Lincoln , which were carved into its granite face by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at Mount Rushmore had originally been granted to the Lakota people by The Treaty of Fort Laramie in 1868 , but , after the Great Sioux War , the US reneged on this , and took back the land , in 1876 .
The carvings were made between 1927 and 1941 , but in 1971 , a Lakota preacher , John Fire Lame Deer placed a prayer staff on the mountain , saying that it represented a 'symbolic shroud ' over the presidents ' faces : '' which shall remain dirty until the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . ''
Early indications are that the man with the dynamite may have been trying to bring about the fulfillment of the Treaty of Laramie today .
Police say he was carrying enough dynamite to `` significantly change the landscape '' .
Representatives of the Black Lives Matter organization raised their eyebrows in an interested way after hearing the news .

It's been announced in the last few minutes, that police in the Black Hills have apprehended and arrested a man carrying a quantity of dynamite in the area of Mount Rushmore.
The man was said by witnesses to be a Native American indian, and looked about 150 years old.
Mount Rushmore, located in the Black Hills in Keystone, South Dakota, is known worldwide for the likenesses of former US presidents, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln, which were carved into its granite face by sculptor, Gutzon Borglum.
The land at Mount Rushmore had originally been granted to the Lakota people by The Treaty of Fort Laramie in 1868, but, after the Great Sioux War, the US reneged on this, and took back the land, in 1876.
The carvings were made between 1927 and 1941, but in 1971, a Lakota preacher, John Fire Lame Deer placed a prayer staff on the mountain, saying that it represented a 'symbolic shroud' over the presidents' faces:
"which shall remain dirty until the treaties concerning the Black Hills are fulfilled."
Early indications are that the man with the dynamite may have been trying to bring about the fulfillment of the Treaty of Laramie today. Police say he was carrying enough dynamite to "significantly change the landscape".
Representatives of the Black Lives Matter organization raised their eyebrows in an interested way after hearing the news.


thespoof--2020-06-26--Tucker Carlson disinvited from The White House for bawdy commentary

FOX News analyst Tucker Carlson may be temporarily away from his desk for undisclosed reasons .
He has once again made commentary on “ a profound national emergency ” .
He has also said the country 's leaders , whether Democrat or Republican , are “ dithering ” while cities burn .
Further , he has referred to “ relentless lying from the people above.
” Not long ago , he stated the public is being lied to about the coronavirus .
His view of the “ protests ” occurring at this time , is that they are protests .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ and an attempt to “ topple the political system ” .
Two days ago , Mr. Trump found himself , and not for the first time , in Mr. Carlson 's sights .
Carlson refers to an interview where Mr. Trump was asked to comment on today 's riots .
“ Right now , I think it 's great sitting back and watching this catastrophe ” .
Carlson explained that the President was referring to “ liberal ” cities , like Seattle .
That is , for Mr. Trump , watching “ liberal @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's entertainment .
But Carlson refused this view as legitimate , saying the President is responsible to ALL the people .
So again : this style of leadership is lacking ; it 's weakness ; it 's evading .
Now , according to insider sources from FOX News ( who must remain nameless ) , that particular broadcast with Tucker Carlson did not stop there .
He withdrew from his broadcast desk chewing on his lower lip , apparently distracted .
Next , his phone was at his ear , head ducking away @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
His face took on a rosy hue .
He said something to the President .
This news source now has verified from our observer within the studio what those words were .
Lip readers from across the other side of the newsroom have also reluctantly confirmed : “ Mr .
President , no , I did not say anything about your hair .
I said YOU SHOULD GROW A PAIR !
” Mr. Carlson is reported under consultation with Fox News Management , and possibly in need of a vacation break somewhere @ @ @ @

FOX News analyst Tucker Carlson may be temporarily away from his desk for undisclosed reasons.
He has once again made commentary on “a profound national emergency”.
He has also said the country's leaders, whether Democrat or Republican, are “dithering” while cities burn.
Further, he has referred to “relentless lying from the people above.” Not long ago, he stated the public is being lied to about the coronavirus.
His view of the “protests” occurring at this time, is that they are not protests.
They are the opposite of protests, and an attempt to “topple the political system”.
Two days ago, Mr. Trump found himself, and not for the first time, in Mr. Carlson's sights.
Carlson refers to an interview where Mr. Trump was asked to comment on today's riots.
The President:
“Right now, I think it's great sitting back and watching this catastrophe”.
Carlson explained that the President was referring to “liberal” cities, like Seattle. That is, for Mr. Trump, watching “liberal” cities destroying themselves is an evening's entertainment.
But Carlson refused this view as legitimate, saying the President is responsible to ALL the people.
So again: this style of leadership is lacking; it's weakness; it's evading.
Now, according to insider sources from FOX News (who must remain nameless), that particular broadcast with Tucker Carlson did not stop there.
He withdrew from his broadcast desk chewing on his lower lip, apparently distracted.
Next, his phone was at his ear, head ducking away, and toe of right foot tapping. His face took on a rosy hue.
He said something to the President.
This news source now has verified from our observer within the studio what those words were.
Lip readers from across the other side of the newsroom have also reluctantly confirmed:
“Mr. President, no, I did not say anything about your hair. I said YOU SHOULD GROW A PAIR!”
Further words (unclear) were exchanged.
Mr. Carlson is reported under consultation with Fox News Management, and possibly in need of a vacation break somewhere in the mountains.


thespoof--2020-06-25--Karen calls police on herself after extended tanning session

Multiple police cars , including some with canine attack dogs , responded to an urgent call for help from a woman at the Massage Envy salon this afternoon in Scottsdale .
The woman called 911 and identified herself as Karen .
According to the 911 recording released by Scottsdale Police , Karen was frightened by a `` dark-skinned '' woman at the far end of the hallway , staring at her .
Scottsdale SWAT surrounded Massage Envy , and , after several hours of searching and arresting several African-American and Puerto Rican women , Police Chief Ed Parker called off @ @ @ @ @ @ @ scene , they soon discovered Karen scared herself after looking in the mirror having spent five hours in the tanning booth .
A clearly embarrassed Karen spoke to reporters after the incident .
`` I 'm not a racist .
I did n't realize I was in the tanning booth for five hours .
Oh , my god !
I was pasty white , and simply wanted to rid myself of this Casper feeling .
As I learned from mom , when you see a dark-skinned person , you can never be too @ @ @ @ @ @ @ On behalf of Massage Envy , I want to be very clear -- we welcome all customers and reject discrimination , '' said Liz Westin .
`` To demonstrate our commitment to racial equity , Massage Envy will offer free tanning for all our Black customers for the next 30 days . ''

Multiple police cars, including some with canine attack dogs, responded to an urgent call for help from a woman at the Massage Envy salon this afternoon in Scottsdale. The woman called 911 and identified herself as Karen. According to the 911 recording released by Scottsdale Police, Karen was frightened by a "dark-skinned" woman at the far end of the hallway, staring at her.
Scottsdale SWAT surrounded Massage Envy, and, after several hours of searching and arresting several African-American and Puerto Rican women, Police Chief Ed Parker called off the search. When detectives recreated the scene, they soon discovered Karen scared herself after looking in the mirror having spent five hours in the tanning booth.
A clearly embarrassed Karen spoke to reporters after the incident. "I'm not a racist. I didn't realize I was in the tanning booth for five hours. Oh, my god! I was pasty white, and simply wanted to rid myself of this Casper feeling. As I learned from mom, when you see a dark-skinned person, you can never be too careful," said Karen.
"On behalf of Massage Envy, I want to be very clear--we welcome all customers and reject discrimination," said Liz Westin. "To demonstrate our commitment to racial equity, Massage Envy will offer free tanning for all our Black customers for the next 30 days."


thespoof--2020-06-26--Trump Facing Landslide Loss

Trump Facing Landslide Loss

Polls don ’ t lie .
People are protesting in the streets .
This biblical-type pandemic is spreading around the world , and Donald Trump is facing a landslide loss in November .
Why ?
The do-nothing guy in the White House did nothing but give his rich friends a tax break , and he started to build part of the wall .
No one wanted the wall but Trump .
It was just Trump ’ s noise-making promise that went nowhere .
Oh yes , and Mexico was supposed to pay for the wall .
That didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the wall .
Lots of money went to that wall , but no money for masks , personal protection equipment , and not enough ventilators .
Caught short , Trump said it was all Obama ’ s fault .
If the shelves were empty when Trump got to the White House , why weren ’ t they replenished in the last three years ?
So what has Trump been doing for the last three years ?
Oh yes , the wall had to be built .
Money had to go to pay for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ put in cages .
The Mexicans were coming .
Now , the European Union is banning Americans from entering any EU nations .
Why ?
Because of the outrageous spread of coronavirus or The Trump Virus .
Ouch !
“ It ’ s like the flu .
It ’ ll be gone by April.
” Trump is getting back his old title as a slumlord .
Today , it ’ s for an unchecked virus that he ignored .
In Trump ’ s slumlord days , his renters filed lawsuits against him for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ more deadly today than the coronavirus Trump ignored .
It ’ ll be interesting to see how Trump blames banning Americans from entering the EU on Barack Obama .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Polls don’t lie. People are protesting in the streets. This biblical-type pandemic is spreading around the world, and Donald Trump is facing a landslide loss in November. Why? The do-nothing guy in the White House did nothing but give his rich friends a tax break, and he started to build part of the wall.
No one wanted the wall but Trump. It was just Trump’s noise-making promise that went nowhere. Oh yes, and Mexico was supposed to pay for the wall. That didn’t happen. U.S. taxpayers are paying for the wall.
Lots of money went to that wall, but no money for masks, personal protection equipment, and not enough ventilators. Caught short, Trump said it was all Obama’s fault.
“Obama left the shelves empty.”
If the shelves were empty when Trump got to the White House, why weren’t they replenished in the last three years? So what has Trump been doing for the last three years? Oh yes, the wall had to be built. Money had to go to pay for the wall. Children had to be put in cages. The Mexicans were coming.
Now, the European Union is banning Americans from entering any EU nations. Why? Because of the outrageous spread of coronavirus or The Trump Virus. Ouch!
“It’s like the flu. It’ll be gone by April.”
Trump is getting back his old title as a slumlord. Today, it’s for an unchecked virus that he ignored. In Trump’s slumlord days, his renters filed lawsuits against him for unhealthy living conditions. Few things are more deadly today than the coronavirus Trump ignored.
It’ll be interesting to see how Trump blames banning Americans from entering the EU on Barack Obama.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-26--Babe The Blue Ox, Paul Bunyan And The Statue Of Liberty: On Topple Short List

BILLINGSGATE POST : Three of the most cherished symbols of American hegemony may soon be swept into the dustbin of history by revisionist zealots .
All of them , in their own way , have inspired millions of viewers over the years .
No , we ’ re not talking about Cigar Store Indians or the like .
We ’ re talking about a Blue Ox standing 30 feet tall , measured from hooves to withers , Paul Bunyan , a concrete and metal sculpture over 31 feet from boot bottoms to hat , and the Statue of Liberty , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that if measured from the base .
Incidentally , Babe the Blue Ox ’ s balls weigh 16 pounds each .
Of interest to those whose minds have a tendency to dwell on preverted statistics , one of the balls was used by Elmer Smuckmeister to bowl a perfect game of 300 at the Beaver Crossing Fun Alleys .
The Statue of Liberty , which was a gift from France , is currently under scrutiny because the City of Bordeaux was once a center of the Slave Trade in the 17th century .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ beast of burden , has no significant derogatory history to speak of .
However , his master , Paul Bunyan , was a lumberjack known for chopping down trees by the thousands - a no-no in this present environment .
Both have debatable authenticity , but have huge statues of themselves all over the country .

BILLINGSGATE POST: Three of the most cherished symbols of American hegemony may soon be swept into the dustbin of history by revisionist zealots. All of them, in their own way, have inspired millions of viewers over the years.
No, we’re not talking about Cigar Store Indians or the like. We’re talking about a Blue Ox standing 30 feet tall, measured from hooves to withers, Paul Bunyan, a concrete and metal sculpture over 31 feet from boot bottoms to hat, and the Statue of Liberty, which is 151 feet tall; twice that if measured from the base.
Incidentally, Babe the Blue Ox’s balls weigh 16 pounds each. Of interest to those whose minds have a tendency to dwell on preverted statistics, one of the balls was used by Elmer Smuckmeister to bowl a perfect game of 300 at the Beaver Crossing Fun Alleys.
The Statue of Liberty, which was a gift from France, is currently under scrutiny because the City of Bordeaux was once a center of the Slave Trade in the 17th century.
Babe the Blue Ox, the legendary beast of burden, has no significant derogatory history to speak of. However, his master, Paul Bunyan, was a lumberjack known for chopping down trees by the thousands - a no-no in this present environment. Both have debatable authenticity, but have huge statues of themselves all over the country.
Slim: “Is Babe a girl or a boy?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I’ll bite. What do ya think?”


thespoof--2020-06-26--People who voted for idiots are shocked that idiots are now running the country.

Bobbit Mcgee , 31 is shocked to see what the result of his 2016 vote has turned out to be @ @ @ @ @ that chap , the one with the hair , and the wild staring eyes , @ @ @ @ @ pappa , and the small hands , because I thought that whatever else happened , @ @ @ @ @ ' Unfortunately , too many people felt the same as Bobbit , meaning that the @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump , is now a man of stature on the world stage .
'It @ @ @ @ @ ' said Englishman , Tarquin Smythe III , 'We all voted for Boris Johnson , @ @ @ @ @ , and the wild staring eyes , because I thought that whatever else happened , @ @ @ @ @ '

Bobbit Mcgee, 31 is shocked to see what the result of his 2016 vote has turned out to be.
'I voted for that chap, the one with the hair, and the wild staring eyes, and the issues with his pappa, and the small hands, because I thought that whatever else happened, it would be fun.'
Unfortunately, too many people felt the same as Bobbit, meaning that the man without a plan, Donald Trump, is now a man of stature on the world stage.
'It would never happen here,' said Englishman, Tarquin Smythe III, 'We all voted for Boris Johnson, the one with the hair, and the wild staring eyes, because I thought that whatever else happened, it would be fun.'


thespoof--2020-06-26--Redneck Runs on Defund the Police Platform

Wilfred “ Bubba Billy ” Watson of Pensacola , Florida , whom we heard from before , Florida Man Warns New Yorkers , has announced that he is running as a Democrat for Mayor of Pensacola .
He promised that , if elected , he will defund the Pensacola police .
How does he expect to win ?
“ I ’ m gon na put together a coalition .
I ’ m a gun-toting redneck , so I should git the gun-togging redneck vote .
I ’ m gon na eliminate the police , so I should git the progressives @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it.
” “ All they do is hassle good people like me , and good people like me with guns don ’ t need cops.
” Watson stated that he has had over 50 “ encounters ” with police over his lifetime .
These involved issues ranging from speeding to driving while intoxicated , to having sex with a minor .
He explained that all of the charges against him were ridiculous .
“ I drive better with a few drinks than most people who haven ’ t been drinking .
I ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had even a fender bender.
” What about the sex with a minor charge ?
“ That was crazy .
Of course , we was having sex .
We was engaged .
They put me in the pen and let me out when she turned 16 .
We got married three days later , and we ’ ve been married for 31 years now.
” How do you feel about today ’ s Democratic Party ?
“ I never left the party .
Promised my Daddy I ’ d never vote Republican , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the party even when they was crazy , and it ’ s great to see ‘ em being sensible again.
” Watson also said that , if elected , he would consider running for governor against Ron DeSantis in 2022 , and would be open to a presidential run in 2024 .
“ I ’ ll be 82 in 2024 , but my Daddy lived to be almost 100 .
”

Wilfred “Bubba Billy” Watson of Pensacola, Florida, whom we heard from before, Florida Man Warns New Yorkers, has announced that he is running as a Democrat for Mayor of Pensacola. He promised that, if elected, he will defund the Pensacola police.
How does he expect to win?
“I’m gonna put together a coalition. I’m a gun-toting redneck, so I should git the gun-togging redneck vote. I’m gonna eliminate the police, so I should git the progressives and the anarchists and that should do it.”
Why eliminate the police?
“All they do is hassle good people like me, and good people like me with guns don’t need cops.”
Watson stated that he has had over 50 “encounters” with police over his lifetime. These involved issues ranging from speeding to driving while intoxicated, to having sex with a minor. He explained that all of the charges against him were ridiculous.
“I drive better with a few drinks than most people who haven’t been drinking. I’m 78 years old, and never had even a fender bender.”
What about the sex with a minor charge?
“That was crazy. Of course, we was having sex. We was engaged. They put me in the pen and let me out when she turned 16. We got married three days later, and we’ve been married for 31 years now.”
How do you feel about today’s Democratic Party?
“I never left the party. Promised my Daddy I’d never vote Republican, and I keep my promises. Stayed with the party even when they was crazy, and it’s great to see ‘em being sensible again.”
Watson also said that, if elected, he would consider running for governor against Ron DeSantis in 2022, and would be open to a presidential run in 2024.
“I’ll be 82 in 2024, but my Daddy lived to be almost 100.”


thespoof--2020-06-26--Black Lives Matter Points Out That Half The Dudes on Mount Rushmore Owned Slaves

DETROIT – A spokesperson for the BLM organization , which now has over 4 million members , including 37,000 whites , has just informed the media that two out of the four presidents on Mount Rushmore were slave owners .
George Washington , the nation ’ s first president and inventor of the one dollar bill , owned 123 slaves .
Thomas Jefferson , who invented the nickel , actually fathered a whole bunch of little Jeffersons .
Jefferson 's wife , allegedly once told her sister that Tommy used to always tell her that she was getting fatter and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ The man is addicted to skinny cinnamon-hued women - what can I say ?
” BLM has informed the House of Representatives that they want Washington and Jefferson to be taken down and replaced with John Kennedy and Bill Clinton .
Speaker Nancy Pelosi replied that , Kennedy and Clinton would make excellent replacements , since they ’ re both Democrats and neither of them wore those silly-looking , white Revolutionary War-type wigs or eye-liner .
Pelosi , who hates Trump more than turkeys hate Thanksgiving , raised her eyebrows , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of it all is that neither Kennedy nor Clinton owned any slaves .
”

DETROIT – A spokesperson for the BLM organization, which now has over 4 million members, including 37,000 whites, has just informed the media that two out of the four presidents on Mount Rushmore were slave owners.
George Washington, the nation’s first president and inventor of the one dollar bill, owned 123 slaves.
Thomas Jefferson, who invented the nickel, actually fathered a whole bunch of little Jeffersons.
Jefferson's wife, allegedly once told her sister that Tommy used to always tell her that she was getting fatter and fatter.
She confided to her sister, “The man is addicted to skinny cinnamon-hued women - what can I say?”
BLM has informed the House of Representatives that they want Washington and Jefferson to be taken down and replaced with John Kennedy and Bill Clinton.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi replied that, Kennedy and Clinton would make excellent replacements, since they’re both Democrats and neither of them wore those silly-looking, white Revolutionary War-type wigs or eye-liner.
Pelosi, who hates Trump more than turkeys hate Thanksgiving, raised her eyebrows, and said, “And the beauty of it all is that neither Kennedy nor Clinton owned any slaves.”


thespoof--2020-06-27--Designer Masks For Make America Great Again

Ivanka Trump has cornered the market again , and is whipping up Make America Great Again masks in China .
These designer masks cost 25 cents-an-hour to produce , and each worker is supposed to create about sixty covers per hour .
They will retail at $ 24.95 each .
Of course , all profits will go to the yet-to-be-named charitable foundation to be named very soon by the designer .
“ They are beautiful , beautiful masks .
Just fantastic , good-looking masks , so good , I might even wear one , ” endorsed Trump .
An intrepid @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sewer is earning 25 cents an hour , to produce 60 masks an hour , that will sell for $ 24.95 each , does the sewer have health or burial coverage ?
” “ Yes .
That means the sewer is paid 25 cents an hour , but is making a profit for Ivanka of $ 1,507.00 per hour.
” “ Yes , minus the sewer ’ s salary of 25 cents per hour .
Next question ?
” “ That adds up to Ivanka making $ 12,056 each day and the sewer @ @ @ @ @ @ @ What ’ s your question ?
These are beautiful , beautiful masks and without Ivanka , that sewer would earn zero , nada , nothing , and could never feed their family of seven .
Next question ?
” “ Spoof news again .
Does the sewer get a bathroom break ?
” “ Not if they want to keep their job .
Next question ?
” “ Joe Biden .
What ’ s the name of this charitable organization ?
” “ Oh , Sleepy Joe from the basement !
Fake news @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Ivanka Trump has cornered the market again, and is whipping up Make America Great Again masks in China. These designer masks cost 25 cents-an-hour to produce, and each worker is supposed to create about sixty covers per hour. They will retail at $24.95 each.
Of course, all profits will go to the yet-to-be-named charitable foundation to be named very soon by the designer.
“They are beautiful, beautiful masks. Just fantastic, good-looking masks, so good, I might even wear one,” endorsed Trump.
An intrepid Spoof reporter asked, “If the sewer is earning 25 cents an hour, to produce 60 masks an hour, that will sell for $24.95 each, does the sewer have health or burial coverage?”
“Fake news. Next question?”
“Yes. That means the sewer is paid 25 cents an hour, but is making a profit for Ivanka of $1,507.00 per hour.”
“Yes, minus the sewer’s salary of 25 cents per hour. Next question?”
“That adds up to Ivanka making $12,056 each day and the sewer making $2.00.”
“And? What’s your question? These are beautiful, beautiful masks and without Ivanka, that sewer would earn zero, nada, nothing, and could never feed their family of seven. Next question?”
“Spoof news again. Does the sewer get a bathroom break?”
“Not if they want to keep their job. Next question?”
“Joe Biden. What’s the name of this charitable organization?”
“Oh, Sleepy Joe from the basement! Fake news. Next question?”
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-06-27--Trump to Hire Climate Advisor; Must Have a Decade of Experience Being Horribly Wrong About Weather T

Trump to Hire Climate Advisor; Must Have a Decade of Experience Being Horribly Wrong About Weather Trends

Washington - President Donald Trump is seeking a Climate Advisor to inform the White House on developing weather trends , @ @ @ @ @ Insiders were evaluating several candidates based on a specific set of qualifications and experience .
@ @ @ @ @ meet a combination of attributes , including at least 10 years experience receiving grants and @ @ @ @ @ companies and conservative think tanks to poke imaginary holes in legitimate research , the ability @ @ @ @ @ mostly right wing publications like Breitbart , Daily Wire and news outlets like Fox News @ @ @ @ @ fact , no global warming trend , and that more CO2 in the atmosphere is @ @ @ @ @ skill at convincing naïve GOP members that all peer-reviewed research papers presented by climate scientists @ @ @ @ @ the ability to be completely and totally wrong for at least 10 years on weather @ @ @ @ @ were reported to have several leads on qualified personnel .

Washington - President Donald Trump is seeking a Climate Advisor to inform the White House on developing weather trends, including man-made global warming.
Insiders were evaluating several candidates based on a specific set of qualifications and experience.
The successful jobseeker would necessarily meet a combination of attributes, including at least 10 years experience receiving grants and dark money payments from energy companies and conservative think tanks.
An ability to poke imaginary holes in legitimate research is a must and the ability to convince gullible readers of mostly right wing publications like Breitbart, Daily Wire and news outlets like Fox News that there is, in fact, no global warming trend is essential.
An understanding that more CO2 in the atmosphere is actually a good thing, skill at convincing naïve GOP members that all peer-reviewed research papers presented by climate scientists are incorrect, and ultimately the ability to be completely and totally wrong for at least 10 years on weather trends is desirable.
White House staff were reported to have several leads on qualified personnel.