thespoof--2020-11-18--Dr. Scott Atlas Awarded (MOTLY) Man of the Latest Year by NFDMA

White House Coronavirus Task Force MIC ( Mountebank-in-Chief ) Dr. Scott Atlas has just been named “ Man of the Year ” by the NFDMA ( National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association ) President , Joseph Mengele III .
Mr. Mengele told reporters “ Dr .
Scott Atlas has singlehandedly rejuvenated our industry - the financial outlook was bleak in late Spring 2020 , as cities and states began to bend the Covid-19 case count curve .
The service sector of our economy was in dire straights until Scott Atlas entered the picture , displacing economy busters like Drs .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ in favor of a national policy directed by the White House to migrate towards herd mentality .
Dr. Atlas courageously recommended people go to restaurants , support local taverns , play bingo and Twister , have large hot tub parties , enjoy casinos , fly , and book cruises just as they would at any other time .
As a great American patriot , Dr. Atlas has vigorously advocated citizens resist all efforts by elected officials to abridge civil rights with unlawful , baseless mandates to wear masks in public or avoid attending @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Citizens across the country have embraced a renewed nationalism , marching on statehouses and city halls openly brandishing firearms , while demanding responsible adherence to free-market policies and personal civil liberties unparalleled since Charles Lindberg ’ s America 1st Movement in the early 1940s.
” Dr. Scott Atlas will be installed as “ Man of the Year ” at the 20,000-member NFDMA national convention in Las Vegas from December 31st through January 3rd , 2021 .
Along with the coveted accolade , a tax-exempt $ 1,000,000 honorarium to the President Donald J. Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in Dr. Scott Atlas ’ name by Sheldon Adelson , CEO of the Las Vegas Sands empire .
Dr. Atlas was asked to comment as he departed a Fox News program this past Sunday , where he championed the cause .
Families should gather and celebrate the ritual American festivities of Thanksgiving this year , just as they have done since Plymouth Rock , because , “ This may be your last Thanksgiving together !
” Dr. Atlas told this reporter he is deeply humbled by the NFDMA acknowledgment and high praise for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ House and our newly re-elected President , Donald Trump .

Dr. Scott Atlas named “Man of the Year”
THE WIRED STREET JOURNAL REPORTER; KR SCHWARTZ
November 18th, 2020
White House Coronavirus Task Force MIC (Mountebank-in-Chief) Dr. Scott Atlas has just been named “Man of the Year” by the NFDMA (National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association) President, Joseph Mengele III.
Mr. Mengele told reporters “Dr. Scott Atlas has singlehandedly rejuvenated our industry - the financial outlook was bleak in late Spring 2020, as cities and states began to bend the Covid-19 case count curve. The service sector of our economy was in dire straights until Scott Atlas entered the picture, displacing economy busters like Drs. Fauci, Osterholm, and Hotez, in favor of a national policy directed by the White House to migrate towards herd mentality. Dr. Atlas courageously recommended people go to restaurants, support local taverns, play bingo and Twister, have large hot tub parties, enjoy casinos, fly, and book cruises just as they would at any other time. As a great American patriot, Dr. Atlas has vigorously advocated citizens resist all efforts by elected officials to abridge civil rights with unlawful, baseless mandates to wear masks in public or avoid attending World Wrestling Federation Smackdowns in person. Citizens across the country have embraced a renewed nationalism, marching on statehouses and city halls openly brandishing firearms, while demanding responsible adherence to free-market policies and personal civil liberties unparalleled since Charles Lindberg’s America 1st Movement in the early 1940s.”
Dr. Scott Atlas will be installed as “Man of the Year” at the 20,000-member NFDMA national convention in Las Vegas from December 31st through January 3rd, 2021. Along with the coveted accolade, a tax-exempt $1,000,000 honorarium to the President Donald J. Trump Defense of America Fund has been funded in Dr. Scott Atlas’ name by Sheldon Adelson, CEO of the Las Vegas Sands empire.
Dr. Atlas was asked to comment as he departed a Fox News program this past Sunday, where he championed the cause. Families should gather and celebrate the ritual American festivities of Thanksgiving this year, just as they have done since Plymouth Rock, because, “This may be your last Thanksgiving together!” Dr. Atlas told this reporter he is deeply humbled by the NFDMA acknowledgment and high praise for his efforts on behalf of the White House and our newly re-elected President, Donald Trump.


thespoof--2020-11-19--Donald Trump’s Last Big Deal

Donald Trump’s Last Big Deal

Donald Trump ’ s “ golden ” years don ’ t look promising .
He is burdened with personally guaranteed debt that will be difficult to refinance ; besieged by lawsuits , which he will not be able to delay much longer ; and being badgered by a number of state attorney generals looking to put him away for offenses that can not be pardoned by any federal official .
One also has to wonder how long it will be before Melania says “ no mas ” , and files for divorce .
In short , Trump is not exactly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ course , Trump has found himself in tight spots many times before , and has always managed to slither out of them .
Will Trump , however , be able to wriggle out of the mess he is currently in ?
The short answer is yes .
Sources tell us that Donald Trump is close to negotiating the mother of all deals with Vladimir Putin that will give him asylum in Russia , a hundred-fifty million Russian ruble monthly allowance ( about $ 2.0m US ) , a bevy of Russian honeys to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump to build skyscrapers in Moscow and St. Petersburg , both of which would eclipse the tower that Trump built in New York .
The one thing holding up the deal is Trump ’ s concern over his legacy .
One might think that Trump could care less about his legacy , but presidents always seem to worry about this sort of thing , and Trump is no exception .
He and Putin have agreed that one tower will be called the Trump Presidential Tower and the other the Putin Presidential Tower .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ legacy , is holding out for his name to be attached to the Moscow project ( the bigger of the two ) while Putin wants the Trump name to go on the smaller St. Petersburg tower .
We will keep you posted as more details emerge .

Donald Trump’s “golden” years don’t look promising. He is burdened with personally guaranteed debt that will be difficult to refinance; besieged by lawsuits, which he will not be able to delay much longer; and being badgered by a number of state attorney generals looking to put him away for offenses that cannot be pardoned by any federal official.
One also has to wonder how long it will be before Melania says “no mas”, and files for divorce.
In short, Trump is not exactly looking at a pleasant future. Of course, Trump has found himself in tight spots many times before, and has always managed to slither out of them.
Will Trump, however, be able to wriggle out of the mess he is currently in? The short answer is yes. Sources tell us that Donald Trump is close to negotiating the mother of all deals with Vladimir Putin that will give him asylum in Russia, a hundred-fifty million Russian ruble monthly allowance (about $2.0m US), a bevy of Russian honeys to choose from, and the financing for Trump to build skyscrapers in Moscow and St. Petersburg, both of which would eclipse the tower that Trump built in New York.
The one thing holding up the deal is Trump’s concern over his legacy. One might think that Trump could care less about his legacy, but presidents always seem to worry about this sort of thing, and Trump is no exception. He and Putin have agreed that one tower will be called the Trump Presidential Tower and the other the Putin Presidential Tower. Trump, who is mindful of his legacy, is holding out for his name to be attached to the Moscow project (the bigger of the two) while Putin wants the Trump name to go on the smaller St. Petersburg tower.
We will keep you posted as more details emerge.


thespoof--2020-11-19--President Trump Has No Shame, As He Plans To Apply For Unemployment Benefits

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The Department of Unemployment has just informed the news media , @ @ @ @ @ has just submitted a pre-unemployment request to receive unemployment benefits .
A representative for the @ @ @ @ @ informed them that he was making $ 19 million a year as president .
The @ @ @ @ @ should be receiving about $ 7,600 a month in unemployment benefits , plus free milk @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump also noted that he may need a lot more than that just to @ @ @ @ @ Service agents he will be needing to make sure no one tries to do him @ @ @ @ @ him nasty names like he 's done to hundreds of others .
Meanwhile , his @ @ @ @ @ told close friends that she can hardly wait to get away from the totally dysfunctional @ @ @ @ @ , who acts as if she ’ s a Saudi Arabian princess .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Department of Unemployment has just informed the news media, that one Donald John Trump has just submitted a pre-unemployment request to receive unemployment benefits.
A representative for the DU, stated that Trump informed them that he was making $19 million a year as president.
The soon-to-be non-president figures that he should be receiving about $7,600 a month in unemployment benefits, plus free milk, cheese, and Jello.
Trump also noted that he may need a lot more than that just to pay for the eight Secret Service agents he will be needing to make sure no one tries to do him any harm, or call him nasty names like he's done to hundreds of others.
Meanwhile, his wife, Melania, has told close friends that she can hardly wait to get away from the totally dysfunctional Trump family; especially Ivanka, who acts as if she’s a Saudi Arabian princess.


thespoof--2020-11-19--The Supreme Court in a Highly Unprecedented Move, Throws Out Everyone of Trump’s 107 Ridiculous Clai

The Supreme Court in a Highly Unprecedented Move, Throws Out Everyone of Trump’s 107 Ridiculous Claims of Illegal Voting

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – In an extremely unusual ruling , the United States Supreme Court @ @ @ @ @ out everyone of President Donald Trump ’ s unsubstantiated , ridiculous , far-fetched claims that @ @ @ @ @ The justices commented collectively that President Trump just has to bite the bullet and realize @ @ @ @ @ square , and stop making himself look like he 's got a single-digit IQ .
@ @ @ @ @ that Trump should just admit that his 20,000 lies simply caught up with him , @ @ @ @ @ , uneducated hermit , living high in the Appalachians , the Ozarks , or the @ @ @ @ @ he really won .
Even Trump 's long-time friend , Geraldo Rivera , of Fox @ @ @ @ @ , if there is still anyone out there who really and truly feels that Trump @ @ @ @ @ he or she needs to be rounded up , and locked up for their own @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – In an extremely unusual ruling, the United States Supreme Court has voted 9-0 to toss out everyone of President Donald Trump’s unsubstantiated, ridiculous, far-fetched claims that the election was rigged.
The justices commented collectively that President Trump just has to bite the bullet and realize that he lost fair and square, and stop making himself look like he's got a single-digit IQ.
The nine justices all agreed that Trump should just admit that his 20,000 lies simply caught up with him, and now only an uninformed, uneducated hermit, living high in the Appalachians, the Ozarks, or the Great Smokies would still believe he really won.
Even Trump's long-time friend, Geraldo Rivera, of Fox News, has remarked that, if there is still anyone out there who really and truly feels that Trump won the election, then he or she needs to be rounded up, and locked up for their own well-being.


thespoof--2020-11-19--The Sexiest Sheriff In The USA Has Been Re-Elected in a Landslide Victory

TULSA – ( Satire News ) – Tulsa ’ s Channel 91 Eye-Spectator News has verified that Sheriff Amanda Timberwine @ @ @ @ @ a percentage vote of 89 % to 11 % .
Comedian Zydeco Dupree told a @ @ @ @ @ Timberwine is a perfect example of why a brutha would love to take the law @ @ @ @ @ Mandy , as her boyfriend calls her , is an ex-pole dancer , who thanked @ @ @ @ @ on her law enforcement merits , and not just on the fact that she had @ @ @ @ @ , long , luscious , legs , and an ass that is even hotter and @ @ @ @ @ iRumors reported that old has-been , Arizona Sheriff Joe “ Pinky ” Arpaio , 101 @ @ @ @ @ learning that Sheriff Timberwine had been re-elected , that a woman has no business being @ @ @ @ @ got back to Sheriff Amanda , she smiled and said that Joey is so darn @ @ @ @ @ likely forgotten what a woman ’ s crotch cookie even looks like .

TULSA – (Satire News) – Tulsa’s Channel 91 Eye-Spectator News has verified that Sheriff Amanda Timberwine, has been re-elected by a percentage vote of 89% to 11%.
Comedian Zydeco Dupree told a Las Vegas audience that Sheriff Timberwine is a perfect example of why a brutha would love to take the law into his own hands.
Mandy, as her boyfriend calls her, is an ex-pole dancer, who thanked the voters for electing her on her law enforcement merits, and not just on the fact that she had a fantastic set of tits, long, luscious, legs, and an ass that is even hotter and sexier than J.Lo's.
iRumors reported that old has-been, Arizona Sheriff Joe “Pinky” Arpaio, 101, sarcastically said, upon learning that Sheriff Timberwine had been re-elected, that a woman has no business being a sheriff.
When word got back to Sheriff Amanda, she smiled and said that Joey is so darn old that he has most likely forgotten what a woman’s crotch cookie even looks like.


thespoof--2020-11-20--President-Elect Joe Biden Says He Will Think About Making Puerto Rico The 51st State

DOVER , Delaware – ( Satire News ) – One of President-Elect Joe Biden ’ s aides has stated that @ @ @ @ @ Puerto Rico the 51st state .
Biden has stated , on several occasions , that @ @ @ @ @ benefit from the importing of Puerto Rican rum , which would no longer have a @ @ @ @ @ .
He also noted that many people do not know that the island territory raises @ @ @ @ @ anywhere in the world .
Poultry experts believe that it may have something to do @ @ @ @ @ water supply , which is actually 17 % rum .
It is no secret that @ @ @ @ @ Joe Biden , just as much as they hate Donald Trump .
Puerto Rico 's @ @ @ @ @ stated that Joe Biden received 97.3 % of the island 's vote , Kanye West @ @ @ @ @ vote , and Donald Trump received -1.6 % of the vote .

DOVER, Delaware – (Satire News) – One of President-Elect Joe Biden’s aides has stated that Biden is seriously considering making Puerto Rico the 51st state.
Biden has stated, on several occasions, that the United States will greatly benefit from the importing of Puerto Rican rum, which would no longer have a 34% liquor import tax.
He also noted that many people do not know that the island territory raises some of the tastiest chickens anywhere in the world.
Poultry experts believe that it may have something to do with Puerto Rico’s water supply, which is actually 17% rum.
It is no secret that the Puerto Rican people love Joe Biden, just as much as they hate Donald Trump.
Puerto Rico's director of election tallying, stated that Joe Biden received 97.3% of the island's vote, Kanye West received 2.7% of the vote, and Donald Trump received -1.6% of the vote.


thespoof--2020-11-20--Nut-loving animal blamed for loss of presidency

President Donald J Trump 's legal team have claimed that many of the votes made for their candidate were stolen @ @ @ @ @ Phil .
The pesky animal , they believe , visited voting halls across much of @ @ @ @ @ as part of a systemic corruption of the democratic process .
Officials of the Commonwealth @ @ @ @ @ doubt on the allegations , and think that Trump 's team are just indulging in @ @ @ @ @ As for the squirrel , he has been spotted lately feeding on acorns growing in @ @ @ @ @ the main Street of Philadelphia .
He does n't seem at all rattled by the @ @

President Donald J Trump's legal team have claimed that many of the votes made for their candidate were stolen by a wily squirrel named Phil. The pesky animal, they believe, visited voting halls across much of Pennsylvania, stealing Trump ballots as part of a systemic corruption of the democratic process.
Officials of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania have cast much doubt on the allegations, and think that Trump's team are just indulging in games and political shenanigans.
As for the squirrel, he has been spotted lately feeding on acorns growing in oak trees up and down the main Street of Philadelphia. He doesn't seem at all rattled by the attention.


thespoof--2020-11-20--Barack Obama Writes About His Mother-In-Law In His New Book

BILLINGSGATE POST : In his new book , A Promised Land , Barack Obama dedicates a whole chapter to his mother-in-law .
He describes the relationship he had with Michelle ’ s mother : “ Mrs .
Robinson , my mother-in-law , lived her entire life in Chicago .
So when she was invited to move into the White House with the family , she was somewhat apprehensive .
Try it for a few months , ” I suggested .
According to Barry , as she referred to him , it seems that Mrs. Robinson wasn ’ t entirely happy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ On different occasions , she made it clear that that she was n't sold on the idea and that she did so reluctantly .
After a few months , it appeared that Marian Robinson had adjusted and was happy to spend her time practicing a form of witchcraft , walking the dog and caring after her two granddaughters , Malia and Sasha .
As Barry relates it , he was quite shocked when he heard rumors of her practicing witchcraft , and that White House staffers were a-buzz with stories of hearing diabolical @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the basement .
When a close friend of Michelle Obama disclosed that the President was furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria , an African spirit cult , in the Situation Room in the White House , Michelle put her foot down .
She was taken aback when she heard that her mother was doing spells and trances , even sacrificing the chickens and goats being raised as part of the First Lady 's experiment to become self-sustaining , in case the White House was picketed and food delivery @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said he told Michelle that if her mother did n't stop this witchcraft mumbo-jumbo , she would have to pay rent .
Well , it seems that Mrs. Robinson 's only source of income was her social security check that pays her $ 844.00 per month .
Not willing to give this up , she told her son-in-law that she worked all her life for this stipend , and that since he was n't paying any f..king rent , she 'd be damned if she would .
Being he be president , he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner , and told him to deposit Mrs. Robinson 's check into his personal account .
Apparently , Mrs. Robinson didn ’ t take this well , and had a showdown with the President .
Afterwards , she told her daughter : “ He be stealin my sosha shurtee check . ''
Slim : “ Can ’ t believe he couldn ’ t get along with his mother-in-law .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: In his new book, A Promised Land, Barack Obama dedicates a whole chapter to his mother-in-law.
He describes the relationship he had with Michelle’s mother:
“Mrs. Robinson, my mother-in-law, lived her entire life in Chicago. So when she was invited to move into the White House with the family, she was somewhat apprehensive. Try it for a few months,” I suggested.
According to Barry, as she referred to him, it seems that Mrs. Robinson wasn’t entirely happy about moving into the White House. On different occasions, she made it clear that that she wasn't sold on the idea and that she did so reluctantly.
After a few months, it appeared that Marian Robinson had adjusted and was happy to spend her time practicing a form of witchcraft, walking the dog and caring after her two granddaughters, Malia and Sasha.
As Barry relates it, he was quite shocked when he heard rumors of her practicing witchcraft, and that White House staffers were a-buzz with stories of hearing diabolical chants and seeing smoke coming up from the basement.
When a close friend of Michelle Obama disclosed that the President was furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria, an African spirit cult, in the Situation Room in the White House, Michelle put her foot down. She was taken aback when she heard that her mother was doing spells and trances, even sacrificing the chickens and goats being raised as part of the First Lady's experiment to become self-sustaining, in case the White House was picketed and food delivery trucks were not allowed in.
Obama said he told Michelle that if her mother didn't stop this witchcraft mumbo-jumbo, she would have to pay rent. Well, it seems that Mrs. Robinson's only source of income was her social security check that pays her $844.00 per month. Not willing to give this up, she told her son-in-law that she worked all her life for this stipend, and that since he wasn't paying any f..king rent, she'd be damned if she would.
Being he be president, he merely called his friend and appointee, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, and told him to deposit Mrs. Robinson's check into his personal account.
Apparently, Mrs. Robinson didn’t take this well, and had a showdown with the President. Afterwards, she told her daughter: “He be stealin my sosha shurtee check."
Slim: “Can’t believe he couldn’t get along with his mother-in-law.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Elections have consequences.”


thespoof--2020-11-20--Rudy Giuliani's Hair Dye - The Truth

Rudy Giuliani's Hair Dye - The Truth

Whilst joining words together that had no right to exist in the same sentence , former New York Mayor Rudy @ @ @ @ @ that it had had enough .
'Imagine my surprise , ' said the dark liquid @ @ @ @ @ on Rudy Giuliani 's hair .
I mean , if it had been Tom Jones @ @ @ @ @ would have been different , I would have been proud of that , although both @ @ @ @ @ a while ago .
It was Rudi Giuliani !
When he started with the same @ @ @ @ @ spouting , I thought 'that is it ' .
I am out of here !
@ @ @ @ @ press conference .
Rudy Giuliani used to be a man of importance .

Whilst joining words together that had no right to exist in the same sentence, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's hair dye decided that it had had enough.
'Imagine my surprise,' said the dark liquid, 'when I ended up on Rudy Giuliani's hair. I mean, if it had been Tom Jones or Paul McCartney, that would have been different, I would have been proud of that, although both singers stopped dying their hair a while ago. It was Rudi Giuliani! When he started with the same bullshit that Trump has been spouting, I thought 'that is it'. I am out of here!'
The hair-dye upstaged the press conference. Rudy Giuliani used to be a man of importance.


thespoof--2020-11-20--Newsom rushed to brain trauma unit following confrontation with computer assistant

Directly following his recent embarrassment at being caught at a dinner for twelve with no masks , and no social distancing , California 's Governor Newsom is again in trouble .
Additionally , the Governor 's claim of the restaurant 's setting as “ outdoor ” was actually an indoor patio with sliding door to exterior air .
Plus the door had to be closed due to “ noise ” from the Governor 's table .
And now Mr. Newsom is in isolation for a problem of brain “ throbbing ” and a slight hysteria .
Causes of the problem @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Governor 's computer has an assistant named “ Priscilla , ” similar to Google 's Alexa .
According to transcripts , the issue is the Governor 's current decision to again lock down 94 % of California 's counties .
Counties are designated as colors purple , red , orange , and yellow , according to number of cases per 100,000 in a particular county .
Purple is designated the most dangerous at more than 7 new cases daily ; red at 4-7 new cases ; orange 1 – 3.9 cases ; yellow @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mendocino County , as one example , Tier Designation has switched from purple to red and back to purple in the past three weeks .
Restaurants and bars are experiencing a yo-yo effect of whether customers are allowed in or out , without regard for exterior weather , which is now chilly with downpours .
These conditions have prompted “ Priscilla ” to do some worrying ( transcript from anonymous source ) .
“ Now , Priss , er er I hope this is not .
.
.
I mean look at my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are , sir , that the Color Algorithms you 've been using come from gambling casinos in the region.
” “ Surely , Priss , we ca n't be gambling with people 's businesses and their lives the way we try to predict failure at the slot machines !
” “ Oh , yes , we can , and that 's what we 're doing !
It 's all gambling since we do not KNOW what the meaning of a puny eight cases is per day , and whether they 're serious or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ day , whether serious or not , er er should maybe NOT represent 100,000 people ?
!
” “ This is no way to run a lockdown steamroller , Governor.
” At this point , Mr. Newsom 's brain thizzed and throbbed , and he was rushed to the brain trauma unit .
Cold towels for the forehead , and a nurse to hold his hand have been prescribed .

Directly following his recent embarrassment at being caught at a dinner for twelve with no masks, and no social distancing, California's Governor Newsom is again in trouble.
Additionally, the Governor's claim of the restaurant's setting as “outdoor” was actually an indoor patio with sliding door to exterior air.
Plus the door had to be closed due to “noise” from the Governor's table.
And now Mr. Newsom is in isolation for a problem of brain “throbbing” and a slight hysteria.
Causes of the problem stem from an unlikely source.
The Governor's computer has an assistant named “Priscilla,” similar to Google's Alexa.
According to transcripts, the issue is the Governor's current decision to again lock down 94% of California's counties.
Review of the Governor's System:
Counties are designated as colors purple, red, orange, and yellow, according to number of cases per 100,000 in a particular county.
Purple is designated the most dangerous at more than 7 new cases daily; red at 4-7 new cases; orange 1 – 3.9 cases; yellow at less than 1 case.
In Mendocino County, as one example, Tier Designation has switched from purple to red and back to purple in the past three weeks.
Restaurants and bars are experiencing a yo-yo effect of whether customers are allowed in or out, without regard for exterior weather, which is now chilly with downpours.
These conditions have prompted “Priscilla” to do some worrying (transcript from anonymous source).
“Now, Priss, er er I hope this is not . . . I mean look at my position . . .”
“Indications are, sir, that the Color Algorithms you've been using come from gambling casinos in the region.”
“Surely, Priss, we can't be gambling with people's businesses and their lives the way we try to predict failure at the slot machines!”
“Oh, yes, we can, and that's what we're doing! It's all gambling since we do not KNOW what the meaning of a puny eight cases is per day, and whether they're serious or what.”
“You mean eight per day, whether serious or not, er er should maybe NOT represent 100,000 people?!”
“Si, senor.”
“Oh my God, I feel another apology coming on!”
“This is no way to run a lockdown steamroller, Governor.”
At this point, Mr. Newsom's brain thizzed and throbbed, and he was rushed to the brain trauma unit.
Cold towels for the forehead, and a nurse to hold his hand have been prescribed.


thespoof--2020-11-20--Trump: “If Biden Allowed To Take Office Dinosaurs Will Eat Your Children”

Donald Trump has declared that if Joe Biden is elected president , “ Planes will fall from the sky , pizza will only come with pineapple toppings and dinosaurs will again roam free in our cities and eat your children , ” among other dire warnings .
“ I ’ ve heard that if Biden ’ s job killing Green Initiative happens , it will radically change the Earth ’ s gravitational pull .
And you know what that means…no more gravity.
” Trump went on to say that “ Biden ’ s idea of the truth is that we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t go away unless we listen to know-nothing scientists , cover up our beautiful faces , keep socialist distances and close our businesses until they all go bankrupt .
`` What does he think this is , 1918 ?
And I ’ ll tell you , there were a lot of great things about America in 1918 , but stopping a Chinese virus wasn ’ t one of them.
” Trump said that if his efforts to remain in office are successful , he would “ protect your second amendment by moving @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's there now.
” He concluded the rally by warning those in the audience that if he lost , “ anyone who owns a truck will have their guns taken away , and white women would be sold into slavery .
”

Donald Trump has declared that if Joe Biden is elected president, “Planes will fall from the sky, pizza will only come with pineapple toppings and dinosaurs will again roam free in our cities and eat your children,” among other dire warnings.
“I’ve heard that if Biden’s job killing Green Initiative happens, it will radically change the Earth’s gravitational pull. And you know what that means…no more gravity.”
Trump went on to say that “Biden’s idea of the truth is that we’re in a pandemic that won’t go away unless we listen to know-nothing scientists, cover up our beautiful faces, keep socialist distances and close our businesses until they all go bankrupt.
"What does he think this is, 1918? And I’ll tell you, there were a lot of great things about America in 1918, but stopping a Chinese virus wasn’t one of them.”
Trump said that if his efforts to remain in office are successful, he would “protect your second amendment by moving it into first place ahead of whatever's there now.”
He concluded the rally by warning those in the audience that if he lost, “anyone who owns a truck will have their guns taken away, and white women would be sold into slavery.”


thespoof--2020-11-21--Obama's New Book: George Clooney And Lindsey Lohan Sharing The Lincoln Bedroom With Harry Maguire

BILLINGSGATE POST : In a gossipy chapter of Barack Obama ’ s new book , The Promised Land , Obama recalls that George Clooney was without a date for the White House Correspondent 's Dinner because Stacy Keibler had stiffed him at the last minute .
The handsome actor , sipping on red wine , was seated at the very front of the Washington Hilton ballroom at the TIME table , along with Steven Spielberg and other big shot Hollywood donors .
The raucous ceremony is held every year , and this year was highlighted by Jimmy Kimmel roasting the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Obama 's chief Hollywood fundraisers , the affable Clooney spent the evening smiling and blowing kisses to the Obamas , even laughing when Barack told the adoring crowd that the filet they were devouring came from the tenderloin of a Pit Bull .
After the dinner was over , the President introduced George to Lindsay Lohan .
Noting that both were without dates , Barack Obama cupidly suggested that the two of them stay overnight at the White House , in the Lincoln Bedroom .
Since both had gotten a little housed during @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wish to press their luck driving back to their hotels , they thought it a wonderful idea .
After readying themselves for bed , they were startled to see a portrait of Manchester United ’ s Harry Maguire , staring down at them from the wall directly over the foot of Lincoln 's bed .
Needless to say , neither George or Lindsay felt amorous with Harry Maguire watching over them , and both said that the evening together was uneventful .

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a gossipy chapter of Barack Obama’s new book, The Promised Land, Obama recalls that George Clooney was without a date for the White House Correspondent's Dinner because Stacy Keibler had stiffed him at the last minute.
The handsome actor, sipping on red wine, was seated at the very front of the Washington Hilton ballroom at the TIME table, along with Steven Spielberg and other big shot Hollywood donors. The raucous ceremony is held every year, and this year was highlighted by Jimmy Kimmel roasting the President with one liners.
One of Obama's chief Hollywood fundraisers, the affable Clooney spent the evening smiling and blowing kisses to the Obamas, even laughing when Barack told the adoring crowd that the filet they were devouring came from the tenderloin of a Pit Bull.
After the dinner was over, the President introduced George to Lindsay Lohan. Noting that both were without dates, Barack Obama cupidly suggested that the two of them stay overnight at the White House, in the Lincoln Bedroom. Since both had gotten a little housed during the long dinner, and didn't wish to press their luck driving back to their hotels, they thought it a wonderful idea.
After readying themselves for bed, they were startled to see a portrait of Manchester United’s Harry Maguire, staring down at them from the wall directly over the foot of Lincoln's bed.
Needless to say, neither George or Lindsay felt amorous with Harry Maguire watching over them, and both said that the evening together was uneventful.
Slim: “Who the f*ck is Harry Maguire?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He’s an English professional footballer. A favorite of Monkey Woods.”


thespoof--2020-11-21--Where To Hang Trump’s White House Portrait

Though President Trump is being uncooperative and failing to concede , the White House Historical Society will have to commission a portrait of him .
While he will not have to pose , the question has been raised : Where to hang the Donald Trump portrait in the White House ?
Most of Trump 's accomplishments at the White House were successfully performed during interaction with the White House kitchen .
It would appear to be in poor taste to place the Trump portrait over the stove or refrigerator , or anywhere in the kitchen 's workplace .
The staff @ @ @ @ @ @ @ portrait above their eating area .
A few were okay with hanging it in the walk-in refrigerator .
No one lingers in that area , but after using a secret write-in ballot , it was successfully decided to hang Trump 's portrait in the White House underground bunker , soon to be renamed The Donald Trump Retreat .
Hearing the destination of his portrait and the new name for the underground bunker , Trump erupted like Mount Fuji , if Mount Fuji were to erupt again .
Wearing a turban , Rudolph Giuliani @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for over an hour , calling it a mass conspiracy .
He demanded to be paid $ 25,000 per day to represent Donald Trump ’ s portrait interests , separate from his $ 25,000 a day representing Trump ’ s stolen election conspiracy .
Finally , Giuliani blamed everything on Alexandra Ortega Cortez and Prince William .
While the gardener ’ s shed and the car garage both remain options , the future of Trump 's portrait will eventually be resolved .
Somehow .
Somewhere .
Sometime .
Read more by this author @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Though President Trump is being uncooperative and failing to concede, the White House Historical Society will have to commission a portrait of him. While he will not have to pose, the question has been raised: Where to hang the Donald Trump portrait in the White House?
Most of Trump's accomplishments at the White House were successfully performed during interaction with the White House kitchen. It would appear to be in poor taste to place the Trump portrait over the stove or refrigerator, or anywhere in the kitchen's workplace. The staff already nixed, placing Trump’s portrait above their eating area.
A few were okay with hanging it in the walk-in refrigerator. No one lingers in that area, but after using a secret write-in ballot, it was successfully decided to hang Trump's portrait in the White House underground bunker, soon to be renamed The Donald Trump Retreat.
Hearing the destination of his portrait and the new name for the underground bunker, Trump erupted like Mount Fuji, if Mount Fuji were to erupt again.
Wearing a turban, Rudolph Giuliani immediately found an unused microphone and spoke for over an hour, calling it a mass conspiracy. He demanded to be paid $25,000 per day to represent Donald Trump’s portrait interests, separate from his $25,000 a day representing Trump’s stolen election conspiracy. Finally, Giuliani blamed everything on Alexandra Ortega Cortez and Prince William.
While the gardener’s shed and the car garage both remain options, the future of Trump's portrait will eventually be resolved.
Somehow. Somewhere. Sometime.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-21--Supreme Court Will Order Re-run of Presidential Election

Washington , D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof .
Having lost 35 of 35 cases alleging fraud in the presidential election , President Donald Trump 's personal attorney , Rudy Giuliani , today filed with the Supreme Court a petition calling for a re-run of the presidential election in four crucial states that will determine who the next president will be .
Giuliani 's petition charges that voter irregularities in Pennsylvania , , Georgia , Arizona and Nevada were so egregious that the vote count should be ignored , and another election held in those states .
The court is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and , considering the make-up of the court , to order an election re-run in all four states .
The do-over would take place in time for the electoral college to meet and cast their votes as detailed in the constitution .
Political pundits predict that , should the do-over be ordered , Trump will carry all four states , which had previously been placed in the Biden column .
That prediction is based on the fact that Biden 's lead in each state was less than the vote cast in those @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jorgensen , who will instruct her supporters to vote for Trump in the re-run .
`` I do n't want to be another Ralph Nader , ' Jorgensen told The Spoof , referring to Nader 's 2000 vote in Florida that cost Dole that state and the presidency .
After Giuliani filed his petition with the court , Trump tweeted : `` Did you really think I 'd let Biden get away with stealing the election ?
FOUR MORE YEARS ! ''
Trump supporters immediately held impromptu rallies in cities and hamlets all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Trump is so heavily favored to win the feared re-run , that casino operators have refused to take bets on its results .

Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Having lost 35 of 35 cases alleging fraud in the presidential election, President Donald Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, today filed with the Supreme Court a petition calling for a re-run of the presidential election in four crucial states that will determine who the next president will be.
Giuliani's petition charges that voter irregularities in Pennsylvania,, Georgia, Arizona and Nevada were so egregious that the vote count should be ignored, and another election held in those states. The court is expected to hear arguments sometime next week, and, considering the make-up of the court, to order an election re-run in all four states. The do-over would take place in time for the electoral college to meet and cast their votes as detailed in the constitution.
Political pundits predict that, should the do-over be ordered, Trump will carry all four states, which had previously been placed in the Biden column. That prediction is based on the fact that Biden's lead in each state was less than the vote cast in those states for the Libertarian party candidate Jo Jorgensen, who will instruct her supporters to vote for Trump in the re-run.
"I don't want to be another Ralph Nader,' Jorgensen told The Spoof, referring to Nader's 2000 vote in Florida that cost Dole that state and the presidency.
After Giuliani filed his petition with the court, Trump tweeted: "Did you really think I'd let Biden get away with stealing the election? FOUR MORE YEARS!" Trump supporters immediately held impromptu rallies in cities and hamlets all across the country.
In Las Vegas, Trump is so heavily favored to win the feared re-run, that casino operators have refused to take bets on its results.


thespoof--2020-11-21--Pig squeals in news room; offers lipstick for vote tallies

Indications of voter fraud in the recent presidential election are mounting , including an unusual feud on the right between Tucker Carlson and Trump lawyer , Sidney Powell .
Tucker is not happy that Ms. Powell would not appear on his show with “ evidence ” , whereas she has stated the evidence must remain private until presentation in court .
Ms. Powell is convinced the election has been stolen .
Meanwhile , the quest for proof that Biden actually did win the election is being challenged , based on numerous “ irregularities ” .
Stepping forward into this latest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Pork Assisting Lawyers Inc ) .
Represented by Mr. Jeremy “ Porcine ” Boltsqueal , this law firm today addressed a group of reporters from CNN , ABC , FOX , etc .
as following : “ Now , there is no reason to be hasty on this compendium of charges , and , I might add , the unnecessary delay of establishing Mr. Biden as without a shadow of a doubt THE forthcoming president !
” “ Let me offer a sampling of what is being alleged , but [ cough ] @ @ @ @ @ @ @ word of some supposed witnesses to -- ” “ What 's that ?
No , I do not represent Dominion , the vote-counting company that has been accused of fixing elections in places like Venezuela , and has refused to meet with Pennsylvania House Republicans !
” *throwing away ballots *no verification for ballots *losing ballots ( 8,000 lost in Georgia ) *voting machines switching votes *ballots allowed after the deadline *back-dating late received ballots *not counting ballots *curing/correcting illegal ballots *ballots with no ID verification *computer glitches *refusing to allow poll watchers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 20 feet *rest home fraud *statistical anomalies *ballots with no creases and stamped with uniform black printed dot *ballots for Republicans on the ticket generally but not Trump *conflicts of interest between Dominion and high-ranking democrats such as Ms. Pelosi “ Now , ladies and gentleman of the jury -- I mean of the press corps -- I ask you , what is the problem here ?
” “ Are we not seeing regular procedures practiced decade after decade ?
Should I go back to examine the George W. Bush elections of 2000 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not a case of one hand takes away and the other tries to get it back ?
” “ And I will add further that , so far , it is confirmed that residents of a zoo in Minneapolis were registered as Democrats ( and got their votes in on time , I might add ) .
” “ As for Dominion and its stalling , I will be available fifteen minutes after this conference ends !
”

Indications of voter fraud in the recent presidential election are mounting, including an unusual feud on the right between Tucker Carlson and Trump lawyer, Sidney Powell.
Tucker is not happy that Ms. Powell would not appear on his show with “evidence”, whereas she has stated the evidence must remain private until presentation in court.
Ms. Powell is convinced the election has been stolen.
Meanwhile, the quest for proof that Biden actually did win the election is being challenged, based on numerous “irregularities”.
Stepping forward into this latest rupture is the law firm PALS (Pork Assisting Lawyers Inc).
Represented by Mr. Jeremy “Porcine” Boltsqueal, this law firm today addressed a group of reporters from CNN, ABC, FOX, etc. as following:
“Now, there is no reason to be hasty on this compendium of charges, and, I might add, the unnecessary delay of establishing Mr. Biden as without a shadow of a doubt THE forthcoming president!”
“Let me offer a sampling of what is being alleged, but [cough] so far without evidence, plus the word of some supposed witnesses to--”
“What's that? No, I do not represent Dominion, the vote-counting company that has been accused of fixing elections in places like Venezuela, and has refused to meet with Pennsylvania House Republicans!”
The List
*throwing away ballots
*no verification for ballots
*losing ballots (8,000 lost in Georgia)
*voting machines switching votes
*ballots allowed after the deadline
*back-dating late received ballots
*not counting ballots
*curing/correcting illegal ballots
*ballots with no ID verification
*computer glitches
*refusing to allow poll watchers
*keeping poll watchers at a distance of 20 feet
*rest home fraud
*statistical anomalies
*ballots with no creases and stamped with uniform black printed dot
*ballots for Republicans on the ticket generally but not Trump
*conflicts of interest between Dominion and high-ranking democrats such as Ms. Pelosi
“Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury--I mean of the press corps--I ask you, what is the problem here?”
“Are we not seeing regular procedures practiced decade after decade? Should I go back to examine the George W. Bush elections of 2000 and 2004?”
“Is this not a case of one hand takes away and the other tries to get it back?”
“And I will add further that, so far, it is not confirmed that residents of a zoo in Minneapolis were registered as Democrats (and got their votes in on time, I might add).”
“As for Dominion and its stalling, I will be available fifteen minutes after this conference ends!”


thespoof--2020-11-21--Rudy Giuliani’s Face Is Horribly Melting, Proving The Man Is a Damn Zombie

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – New York City Police are reporting that Rudolph William Louis Giuliani is actually a zombie .
NYPD said that they got over 200 calls reporting a zombie sighting , and , after investigating , they ascertained that it was actually former NYC mayor , and now Trump ’ s ass-kissing lawyer , Rudy Giuliani .
The mayor of New York , Bill de Blasio , told the news media that he spoke with several zombie experts , and they say that when the moon is just right , and it ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ start to release a dark-colored fluid that comes out of their ears and runs down the sides of their cheeks .
They warned that , if someone inhales this yucky-smelling crapola , the person ’ s face could suddenly break out in fuchsia spots the size of quarters .
They stressed that Giuliani has to be taken into custody immediately , and isolated from the general jail population , or risk another pandemic .
They added that one of the signs of a zombie is that their eyes get gigantic , and look @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is reporting that Giuliani is presently on the run , and was last seen downing an umbrella drink at a gay bar in Brooklyn .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – New York City Police are reporting that Rudolph William Louis Giuliani is actually a zombie.
NYPD said that they got over 200 calls reporting a zombie sighting, and, after investigating, they ascertained that it was actually former NYC mayor, and now Trump’s ass-kissing lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.
The mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, told the news media that he spoke with several zombie experts, and they say that when the moon is just right, and it’s not drizzling, zombies will suddenly start to release a dark-colored fluid that comes out of their ears and runs down the sides of their cheeks.
They warned that, if someone inhales this yucky-smelling crapola, the person’s face could suddenly break out in fuchsia spots the size of quarters.
They stressed that Giuliani has to be taken into custody immediately, and isolated from the general jail population, or risk another pandemic.
They added that one of the signs of a zombie is that their eyes get gigantic, and look like swollen ping pong balls.
iRumors is reporting that Giuliani is presently on the run, and was last seen downing an umbrella drink at a gay bar in Brooklyn.


thespoof--2020-11-21--Where To Hang Trump’s White House Portrait?


thespoof--2020-11-22--Barack Obama Discovers Fat Man In Filthy Robe In His Kitchen

It 's a well-known fact that celebrity always has its negative side , usually in the form of 'privacy issues , and that was the case this week with ex-President Barack Obama , who came downstairs to prepare breakfast on Saturday morning to find an intruder in his house .
The man , who police say looked like he was in his 60s , was of Asian origin , bespectacled , with very closely-cropped hair , and was clad in a filthy brown-orange robe .
He had helped himself to a bowl of Coco Pops and milk .
Mr. Obama @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to attempt to calm the man down , but found that this was unnecessary , as the fat bloke was already the calmest man he had ever met .
Mr. Obama made some toast and waffles , and the pair had coffee , after which they adjourned to the sitting room to discuss just what the devil the man was doing in Obama 's house .
By this time , Mrs. Obama had woken up , heard voices , and called the police , thinking there might be a 'situation ' .
When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Obama and the man discussing world politics and President Trump 's refusal to concede defeat to Joe Biden , and get the hell out of the White House .
Later , the man left the house , and rooted through some bins for his lunch .

It's a well-known fact that celebrity always has its negative side, usually in the form of 'privacy issues, and that was the case this week with ex-President Barack Obama, who came downstairs to prepare breakfast on Saturday morning to find an intruder in his house.
The man, who police say looked like he was in his 60s, was of Asian origin, bespectacled, with very closely-cropped hair, and was clad in a filthy brown-orange robe.
He had helped himself to a bowl of Coco Pops and milk.
Mr. Obama used all his ex-presidential powers and guile to attempt to calm the man down, but found that this was unnecessary, as the fat bloke was already the calmest man he had ever met.
Mr. Obama made some toast and waffles, and the pair had coffee, after which they adjourned to the sitting room to discuss just what the devil the man was doing in Obama's house.
By this time, Mrs. Obama had woken up, heard voices, and called the police, thinking there might be a 'situation'.
When they arrived, however, they found Mr. Obama and the man discussing world politics and President Trump's refusal to concede defeat to Joe Biden, and get the hell out of the White House.
Later, the man left the house, and rooted through some bins for his lunch.


thespoof--2020-11-22--Trump Attending Inauguration But Will Carry A Cross

Failing in all fifty states of the United States to overturn the election , sore loser Donald Trump , still not conceding , will attend the inauguration , but insists on carrying a six-foot-long cross on one shoulder .
Sons Donald Jr. and Eric will follow , carrying lengths of rope .
The cross is meant to symbolize Trump ’ s unlawful loss of the White House and Air Force One .
Also , that Trump was stopped by Joe Biden and the Democrats in a conspiracy .
Trump will try to initiate a street fight at the Capital 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the White House for four more years .
Editor ’ s note : This sounds like it is a cheap wet dream .
Trump wants to give a speech before Biden is sworn in , with the cross standing next to him to emphasize his illegal loss , the stolen election , and Trump 's crucifixion .
While speaking , Trump intends to start removing his clothing ( while on live television ) , and once naked , sons Eric and Donald Jr. will use their rope to tie Trump to the cross @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a red MAGA hat .
Editor ’ s note : Give him the White House .
I don ’ t want to see Trump naked .
Not necessary .
The American flag will cover his private parts .
Better still , it 's expected that Trump 's theater will repel his supporters and make them switch to Biden supporters .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Failing in all fifty states of the United States to overturn the election, sore loser Donald Trump, still not conceding, will attend the inauguration, but insists on carrying a six-foot-long cross on one shoulder. Sons Donald Jr. and Eric will follow, carrying lengths of rope.
The cross is meant to symbolize Trump’s unlawful loss of the White House and Air Force One. Also, that Trump was stopped by Joe Biden and the Democrats in a conspiracy. Trump will try to initiate a street fight at the Capital's steps, and to be reinstated in the White House for four more years.
Editor’s note: This sounds like it is a cheap wet dream.
Reply: There’s more.
Trump wants to give a speech before Biden is sworn in, with the cross standing next to him to emphasize his illegal loss, the stolen election, and Trump's crucifixion.
Editor’s note: Oh, Christ!
Reply: Hang on.
While speaking, Trump intends to start removing his clothing (while on live television), and once naked, sons Eric and Donald Jr. will use their rope to tie Trump to the cross. Ivanka will then crown Trump with a red MAGA hat.
Editor’s note: Give him the White House. I don’t want to see Trump naked.
Not necessary. The American flag will cover his private parts. Better still, it's expected that Trump's theater will repel his supporters and make them switch to Biden supporters.
Editor's note: Amen!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-22--Donald Trump Jr. Has The Trumpapalooza Virus – And Guess Who He’s Blaming?

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – RumorLand News has put out that with Donnie Jr. now infected with his dad ’ s COVID-19 virus , he now makes the number of White House residents , staffers , and ass-kissers who have contacted the dreaded disease at 83 , not including “ Pecker ” , Eric Trump ’ s pet vulture .
Junior ’ s daddy , his step-mommy , his girlfriend , and so many other relatives have all caught the Coronavirus that they all swore was just a hoax perpetuated by the mean Democrats .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Trumps all have in common , it 's their penchant for an endless supply of silly , ridiculous , asinine excuses .
Donnie ’ s daddy , Donnie Senior , said he got it from a toilet seat .
The President ’ s soon-to-be daughter-in-law , Kimberly Guilfoyle , says she got it from eating a virus-infected hot dog wiener , and Kayleigh McEnany , the White House press secretary , claims she caught it from CNN ’ s Jim Acosta , who has never had it .
Meanwhile , little Donnie @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Face ” Ingraham , that he is 92.7 % certain he caught it from one of the White House maids .
SIDENOTE : All of the White House maids , cooks , and housekeepers are tested for COVID-19 every two hours .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – RumorLand News has put out that with Donnie Jr. now infected with his dad’s COVID-19 virus, he now makes the number of White House residents, staffers, and ass-kissers who have contacted the dreaded disease at 83, not including “Pecker”, Eric Trump’s pet vulture.
Junior’s daddy, his step-mommy, his girlfriend, and so many other relatives have all caught the Coronavirus that they all swore was just a hoax perpetuated by the mean Democrats.
But if it’s one thing that the Trumps all have in common, it's their penchant for an endless supply of silly, ridiculous, asinine excuses.
Donnie’s daddy, Donnie Senior, said he got it from a toilet seat. The President’s soon-to-be daughter-in-law, Kimberly Guilfoyle, says she got it from eating a virus-infected hot dog wiener, and Kayleigh McEnany, the White House press secretary, claims she caught it from CNN’s Jim Acosta, who has never had it.
Meanwhile, little Donnie told Fox News’ Laura “Trigger Face” Ingraham, that he is 92.7% certain he caught it from one of the White House maids.
SIDENOTE: All of the White House maids, cooks, and housekeepers are tested for COVID-19 every two hours.


thespoof--2020-11-23--President Trump's Brain Distances Itself From His Mouth

As his party , his family , friends , supporters and closest aides continue to fall away from President Trump in the aftermath of his presidential election defeat , it was the turn , today , of the moron 's brain , which decided to distance itself from his big , fat , stupid mouth .
The brain , which weighs only 20 ounces , took the extraordinary step to join the people running away from Trump in droves , now that he has outlived his usefulness .
Trump 's mouth regularly runs riot , and appears to have a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ being the outlet for his brain 's thoughts .
And now , with the election defeat , and his steadfast refusal to accept it , the brain has had enough .
It said : '' You know , when brains get allocated to babies , they are hopeful that they have a bright future , that they will be used to their full potential , and that they can help their owner be a benefit to mankind .
I feel cheated .
All this chump does is spout bullshit from morning till night @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' As well as disassociating itself from his mouth , President Trump 's brain also indicated it is taking steps to cut all ties with his fingers and thumbs , so that it can not be accused of being responsible for his Twitter activity .

As his party, his family, friends, supporters and closest aides continue to fall away from President Trump in the aftermath of his presidential election defeat, it was the turn, today, of the moron's brain, which decided to distance itself from his big, fat, stupid mouth.
The brain, which weighs only 20 ounces, took the extraordinary step to join the people running away from Trump in droves, now that he has outlived his usefulness.
Trump's mouth regularly runs riot, and appears to have a mind of its own, rather than being the outlet for his brain's thoughts.
And now, with the election defeat, and his steadfast refusal to accept it, the brain has had enough. It said:
"You know, when brains get allocated to babies, they are hopeful that they have a bright future, that they will be used to their full potential, and that they can help their owner be a benefit to mankind. I feel cheated. All this chump does is spout bullshit from morning till night, and makes me look bad."
As well as disassociating itself from his mouth, President Trump's brain also indicated it is taking steps to cut all ties with his fingers and thumbs, so that it cannot be accused of being responsible for his Twitter activity.


thespoof--2020-11-23--Barack Obama To Promote "How!" As A Greeting

In what 's been called 'an olive branch to Native Americans ' whose ancestors were slaughtered by the influx of European pioneers looking for new lives on the continent in the 1800s , ex-President Barack Obama is to promote the Indian `` How ! ''
greeting used between various tribes , but which has now fallen into disuse .
The greeting 'How ! '
is an Anglicized version of the Lakota/Dakota term 'Háu ! '
, which means 'Hello ' .
It is performed by raising your right hand with the palm facing the person you are speaking to , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a deep voice that , it 's assumed , sounds the same as Big Chief Sitting Bull would have said it .
`` It sounds a bit like 'Howdy ! '
, but without the 'dy ! '
at the end .
It 's also important to have a grave look on your face when saying it .
The Native Americans never smiled , as can be seen from countless western movies . ''
The former president has been trying to improve relations with the descendants of the tribes that were placed on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of existence .
However , some opponents to the scheme have said the hand raised in that fashion makes it resemble the 'familiar salute ' that the Nazis used when greeting close aquaintances .
White House staff say that President Donald Trump , enjoying the last days of his presidency , has been seen practising the greeting in front of a mirror .

In what's been called 'an olive branch to Native Americans' whose ancestors were slaughtered by the influx of European pioneers looking for new lives on the continent in the 1800s, ex-President Barack Obama is to promote the Indian "How!" greeting used between various tribes, but which has now fallen into disuse.
The greeting 'How!' is an Anglicized version of the Lakota/Dakota term 'Háu!', which means 'Hello'.
It is performed by raising your right hand with the palm facing the person you are speaking to, and saying "How!" in a deep voice that, it's assumed, sounds the same as Big Chief Sitting Bull would have said it.
Said Mr. Obama:
"It sounds a bit like 'Howdy!', but without the 'dy!' at the end. It's also important to have a grave look on your face when saying it. The Native Americans never smiled, as can be seen from countless western movies."
The former president has been trying to improve relations with the descendants of the tribes that were placed on reservations, and hunted down almost out of existence.
However, some opponents to the scheme have said the hand raised in that fashion makes it resemble the 'familiar salute' that the Nazis used when greeting close aquaintances.
White House staff say that President Donald Trump, enjoying the last days of his presidency, has been seen practising the greeting in front of a mirror.


thespoof--2020-11-23--A 10-Year-Old Boy, Who Is In Self-Isolation With His Parents, Is Starting To Eat The Furniture.

OPELOUSAS , Louisiana – ( Satire News ) – RumorLand News reports a 10-year-old who is self-isolating with his parents is starting to go stir-crazy .
The parents , Trevor and Addendina Acorn , are extremely worried and are beside themselves , as little Timmy Bob has started eating the furniture out of sheer boredom .
His mom said that he hates playing video games , doesn ’ t like to watch TV , and has never really mastered the art of reading .
His father tried to teach him how to dribble a basketball , but Timmy Bob kept @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his father just said the heck with it .
His mother said that , at first , her little boy started out eating Kleenex tissues , and soon progressed to Bounty Paper Towels , and now he 's been taking good-sized bites out of their coffee table and other furniture items .
His 17-year-old sister became extremely concerned when Timmy Bob went into her bedroom and took a cocaine straw , put mustard on it , and ate it in 4 seconds .
The parents have said that that ’ s the last @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an appointment with a therapist who specializes in horrendously messed-up eating disorders .

OPELOUSAS, Louisiana – (Satire News) – RumorLand News reports a 10-year-old who is self-isolating with his parents is starting to go stir-crazy.
The parents, Trevor and Addendina Acorn, are extremely worried and are beside themselves, as little Timmy Bob has started eating the furniture out of sheer boredom.
His mom said that he hates playing video games, doesn’t like to watch TV, and has never really mastered the art of reading.
His father tried to teach him how to dribble a basketball, but Timmy Bob kept dunking it in the toilet, so his father just said the heck with it.
His mother said that, at first, her little boy started out eating Kleenex tissues, and soon progressed to Bounty Paper Towels, and now he's been taking good-sized bites out of their coffee table and other furniture items.
His 17-year-old sister became extremely concerned when Timmy Bob went into her bedroom and took a cocaine straw, put mustard on it, and ate it in 4 seconds.
The parents have said that that’s the last straw. They are planning on making an appointment with a therapist who specializes in horrendously messed-up eating disorders.


thespoof--2020-11-23--Mask Burners Arrested, Charged With Anarchy

Sacramento , CA .
Special to The Spoof .
California 's Gov .
Gavin Newsom today order the arrest of @ @ @ @ @ .
His action was immediately condemned by suburban , upper middle class women , most @ @ @ @ @ hats , as they put their designer cigarette lighters to masks that had obviously never @ @ @ @ @ that California 's hundred-year-old Criminal Syndicalism law , which has never been repealed , was @ @ @ @ @ un-American actions as those taken by the mask burners .
Asked how he could justify @ @ @ @ @ n't engaged in looting or rioting , Newsom explained : `` Starting a fire in @ @ @ @ @ permit has never been legal . ''

Sacramento, CA. Special to The Spoof. California's Gov. Gavin Newsom today order the arrest of protesters caught burning Covid-19 masks. His action was immediately condemned by suburban, upper middle class women, most of whom were wearing MAGA hats, as they put their designer cigarette lighters to masks that had obviously never been worn.
Newsom argued that California's hundred-year-old Criminal Syndicalism law, which has never been repealed, was broad enough to cover such un-American actions as those taken by the mask burners.
Asked how he could justify arresting peaceful protesters who aren't engaged in looting or rioting, Newsom explained: "Starting a fire in a city street without a permit has never been legal."


thespoof--2020-11-22--White House Insiders Say President Trump Is Hiding In His Bunker Sobbing Like a Baby

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) - White House insiders say that the President is now sitting in @ @ @ @ @ to 9 hours a day , sobbing like a baby .
They note that he @ @ @ @ @ and that he is actually starting to look like an albino great-grandfather .
One Secret @ @ @ @ @ not want his name mentioned , told Bedroom Pillow Talk that he has never , @ @ @ @ @ an adult man sob as much as POTUS is sobbing .
The agent noted that @ @ @ @ @ saying things like everyone hates him , no one appreciates his Harvard-educated mind , and @ @ @ @ @ feels he fought two tours in Vietnam for nothing .
When Melania was asked to @ @ @ @ @ s erratic , sore-loser behavior , she said , “ Be leaves me , I @ @ @ @ @ dee beach would self-destruct .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - White House insiders say that the President is now sitting in his Presidential Bunker for up to 9 hours a day, sobbing like a baby.
They note that he is getting much paler, and that he is actually starting to look like an albino great-grandfather.
One Secret Service agent, who did not want his name mentioned, told Bedroom Pillow Talk that he has never, in his life, heard an adult man sob as much as POTUS is sobbing.
The agent noted that the “Loser-in-Chief” is saying things like everyone hates him, no one appreciates his Harvard-educated mind, and is even remarking that he feels he fought two tours in Vietnam for nothing.
When Melania was asked to comment on her husband’s erratic, sore-loser behavior, she said, “Be leaves me, I knew dat one day, dee beach would self-destruct.”


thespoof--2020-11-22--The American People Are Fed Up With Trump's Constant Whining About The Election

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) - A recent poll conducted by the reputable polling agency , Quinnipinni @ @ @ @ @ of all Americans are fed up with Trump ’ s whining about his election loss @ @ @ @ @ the Lame Duck president is becoming more and more delusional with every sore-loser tweet he @ @ @ @ @ that the First Lady has locked the door to their bedroom , and is making @ @ @ @ @ sleep in the presidential bunker .
A White House insider stated that King Donald ’ @ @ @ @ @ flies at an insecticide exhibition .
The only ones who are still kissing his loser @ @ @ @ @ his crazy man antics are Rudy “ The Melting Candle ” Giuliani , Sean “ @ @ @ @ @ Lou “ Bullfrog ” Dobbs , and Kayleigh “ The Lying Human Tongue Depressor ” @ @ @ @ @ Pence just shakes his head , looks at his watch , and says “ Damnit @ @ @ @ @ 8 more weeks of this SHIT !
”

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) - A recent poll conducted by the reputable polling agency, Quinnipinni, revealed that 91% of all Americans are fed up with Trump’s whining about his election loss.
As many commented, the Lame Duck president is becoming more and more delusional with every sore-loser tweet he puts out.
Reports are that the First Lady has locked the door to their bedroom, and is making the 74-year-old whining, crybaby sleep in the presidential bunker.
A White House insider stated that King Donald’s supporters are dropping like flies at an insecticide exhibition.
The only ones who are still kissing his loser ass and putting up with his crazy man antics are Rudy “The Melting Candle” Giuliani, Sean “Eddie Munster” Hannity, Lou “Bullfrog” Dobbs, and Kayleigh “The Lying Human Tongue Depressor” McEnany.
Meanwhile, Vice-President Pence just shakes his head, looks at his watch, and says “Damnit!, I still have 8 more weeks of this SHIT!”


thespoof--2020-11-23--Giuliani Changes Tactics; Will Plead that Trump is Insane and Therefore Can't be Removed from White

Giuliani Changes Tactics; Will Plead that Trump is Insane and Therefore Can't be Removed from White House

Washington - After dozens of his lawsuits filed in various states seeking to overturn the election of Joe Biden failed @ @ @ @ @ will try a new approach with the courts in the battleground states as of Monday @ @ @ @ @ of crack attorneys , who announced their legal salvo at Four Seasons Landscaping next to @ @ @ @ @ ago , returned to the venue to hold a press conference yesterday , and explained @ @ @ @ @ their client in office .
`` Trump is batshit crazy .
Everyone on the left @ @ @ @ @ said the former mayor of New York .
`` So , legally , we ca @ @ @ @ @ domicile ; the Constitution bars cruel and unusual punishment .
He will have to stay @ @ @ @ @ years , and run the country .
It 's very clearly stated in the law @ @ @ @ @ golfing , and could not be reached for comment .

Washington - After dozens of his lawsuits filed in various states seeking to overturn the election of Joe Biden failed, Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani will try a new approach with the courts in the battleground states as of Monday.
Rudy and his team of crack attorneys, who announced their legal salvo at Four Seasons Landscaping next to a porn shop 2 weeks ago, returned to the venue to hold a press conference yesterday, and explained a new strategy to keep their client in office.
"Trump is batshit crazy. Everyone on the left has admitted it," said the former mayor of New York. "So, legally, we can't remove him from his domicile; the Constitution bars cruel and unusual punishment. He will have to stay there for the next four years, and run the country. It's very clearly stated in the law."
Trump was out golfing, and could not be reached for comment.


thespoof--2020-11-23--New Zealand Prime Minister Offers COVID-19 Pandemic Tips To Biden

BILLINGSGATE POST : New Zealand 's prime minister , Jacinda Ardern , has said she has offered to help President-elect Joe Biden manage his response to the coronavirus pandemic once he is inaugurated .
New Zealand , which has a population of around 4.8 million and is surrounded by water , has largely avoided the pandemic that has ravaged the rest of the world .
“ I offered to him and his team access to New Zealand health officials , in order to share their experience on things we ’ ve learnt on our COVID-19 journey , ” Ardern said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ An official from the New Zealand Ministry of Health suggested that President-elect Biden should immediately cull the population of the United States to a manageable number .
The current population is around 350 million .
He suggests perhaps knocking that down to less than 5 million , keeping only the best and brightest liberals as a base for a new civilization .
Also , to keep our borders sacrosanct , we should immediately follow the example of New Zealand and create an island-like fortress .
With the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans already there @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Mexican and Canadian borders , this could easily be done .
Slim : “ If Biden knocks off 345 million people , who will build the moat ?
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
All I want to see are assholes and elbows .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: New Zealand's prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, has said she has offered to help President-elect Joe Biden manage his response to the coronavirus pandemic once he is inaugurated.
New Zealand, which has a population of around 4.8 million and is surrounded by water, has largely avoided the pandemic that has ravaged the rest of the world.
“I offered to him and his team access to New Zealand health officials, in order to share their experience on things we’ve learnt on our COVID-19 journey,” Ardern said on Monday, according to Reuters.
An official from the New Zealand Ministry of Health suggested that President-elect Biden should immediately cull the population of the United States to a manageable number. The current population is around 350 million. He suggests perhaps knocking that down to less than 5 million, keeping only the best and brightest liberals as a base for a new civilization.
Also, to keep our borders sacrosanct, we should immediately follow the example of New Zealand and create an island-like fortress. With the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans already there, by building a moat on both the Mexican and Canadian borders, this could easily be done.
Slim: “If Biden knocks off 345 million people, who will build the moat?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. All I want to see are assholes and elbows.”


thespoof--2020-11-25--Joseph Biden confesses what some suspected.

( NOT EDITED ) President-Elect of the United States of America , Joseph Biden , has admitted to a close @ @ @ @ @ by a 1.5 watt battery .
The adviser says that Biden has been wearing the @ @ @ @ @ years .
With the role of President expected to be a taxing one for the @ @ @ @ @ wondering wether a bigger battery might be needed in the Commander in Chief .
A @ @ @ @ @ has revealed that Reagan and Bush Snr used 3.5 watt bátteries whilst Clinton and Bush @ @ @ @ @ .
Some people may be shocked to realise that their beloved leaders have been battery @ @ @ @ @ is the modern reality of American politics .

(NOT EDITED) President-Elect of the United States of America, Joseph Biden, has admitted to a close adviser that he is powered by a 1.5 watt battery. The adviser says that Biden has been wearing the power supply for about five years.
With the role of President expected to be a taxing one for the Democrat politician, people are wondering wether a bigger battery might be needed in the Commander in Chief. A quick check of past Presidents has revealed that Reagan and Bush Snr used 3.5 watt bátteries whilst Clinton and Bush Jnr used 2.5 watt bátteries.
Some people may be shocked to realise that their beloved leaders have been battery powered autobots, but this is the modern reality of American politics.


thespoof--2020-11-25--Boy Disciplined For Bringing His 102-Year-Old Grandmother To “Show & Tell”

HACKENSACK , New Jersey – ( Satire News ) – The principal of Mrs. Millard Fillmore Elementary School reported that she had to discipline a second-grader who brought his grandmother to “ Show & Tell ” .
The boy ’ s teacher , Marlena Figweather , said that she was shocked to see little Herby Sugarcurl walk into the classroom with his 102-year-old grandmother , Vonda Nell Piddle .
At first , all the kids in the classroom thought it was neat , and a whole lot better than most kids , who bring in pet turtles , hamsters , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , in the case of little Mindy Pettylaw , 8 , one of her 18-year-old sister ’ s IUD ’ s .
Mrs. Figweather was aware that Granny Vonda Piddle really did not want to be there , as she kept saying she needed to get back home so that she could take her fallopian tube medicine .
The police were called , and they drove Granny Piddle home .
Meanwhile , Herby was made to stand in the corner for 45 minutes , after apologizing to the class , his teacher , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

HACKENSACK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – The principal of Mrs. Millard Fillmore Elementary School reported that she had to discipline a second-grader who brought his grandmother to “Show & Tell”.
The boy’s teacher, Marlena Figweather, said that she was shocked to see little Herby Sugarcurl walk into the classroom with his 102-year-old grandmother, Vonda Nell Piddle.
At first, all the kids in the classroom thought it was neat, and a whole lot better than most kids, who bring in pet turtles, hamsters, their mom’s underwear, or, in the case of little Mindy Pettylaw, 8, one of her 18-year-old sister’s IUD’s.
Mrs. Figweather was aware that Granny Vonda Piddle really did not want to be there, as she kept saying she needed to get back home so that she could take her fallopian tube medicine.
The police were called, and they drove Granny Piddle home.
Meanwhile, Herby was made to stand in the corner for 45 minutes, after apologizing to the class, his teacher, and to his dear, sweet granny.


thespoof--2020-11-24--Biden Appoints Field Marshall Cinque Mtume As Defense Secretary

BILLINGSGATE POST : President-elect Joe Biden has named Field Marshall Cinque Mtume as his choice for Defense Secretary .
Mtume won his stripes by leading the Symbionese Liberation Army in the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst back in 1974 .
In the notorious chase across America that lasted 567 days , General Mtume and his band of warriors eluded the FBI and our nation 's police forces while driving a yellow VW van that was inconspicuously covered with strategically placed F..K PRESIDENT NIXON stickers .
During the celebrated search for Osama bin Laden , Field Marshal Mtume suggested that bin Laden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ States cruising around in a stretch limo with a bevy of virgins .
Field Marshall Mtume : `` Why would bin Laden be hiding where we say we are looking for him ?
That would be absolutely nuts . ''
That argument must most certainly have resonated with Joe Biden .
Even though Mtume has been dead since 1974 , Biden agreed to nominate him to the important post .
Although his Vice-President-elect , Kamala “ Breath ” Harris , is well aware that Field Marshall Cinque Mtume has been missing in action @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , she is reluctant to tell Sleepy Joe , for fear it would ruin his Thanksgiving .
Slim : “ WTF .
The guy should be given a chance to shape up the Pentagon.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
He couldn ’ t be worse than some of the stiffs Obama put in .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: President-elect Joe Biden has named Field Marshall Cinque Mtume as his choice for Defense Secretary. Mtume won his stripes by leading the Symbionese Liberation Army in the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst back in 1974.
In the notorious chase across America that lasted 567 days, General Mtume and his band of warriors eluded the FBI and our nation's police forces while driving a yellow VW van that was inconspicuously covered with strategically placed F..K PRESIDENT NIXON stickers.
During the celebrated search for Osama bin Laden, Field Marshal Mtume suggested that bin Laden may very possibly be in the United States cruising around in a stretch limo with a bevy of virgins.
Field Marshall Mtume: "Why would bin Laden be hiding where we say we are looking for him? That would be absolutely nuts."
That argument must most certainly have resonated with Joe Biden. Even though Mtume has been dead since 1974, Biden agreed to nominate him to the important post. Although his Vice-President-elect, Kamala “Breath” Harris, is well aware that Field Marshall Cinque Mtume has been missing in action or dead for over half a century, she is reluctant to tell Sleepy Joe, for fear it would ruin his Thanksgiving.
Slim: “WTF. The guy should be given a chance to shape up the Pentagon.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He couldn’t be worse than some of the stiffs Obama put in.”


thespoof--2020-11-24--Donald Trump Offered New Book Deal, Once He Achieves Full Literacy

He might be toast as far as a second presidential term in the White House goes , but Donald Trump was already planning out his life post-President this morning , as he revealed details of a lucrative offer to write a book detailing his time as US leader .
After he 's learnt to read and write properly , that is .
Trump is known as someone of a 'literary bent ' ; that is to say , his literacy is skewered somewhat .
He loves tweeting on Twitter , but does so in the style of a young child @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , grammar and punctuation .
Not only does he write like a child , but he also thinks like one .
Trump famously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize a new spelling of 'Noble ' , and consequently did n't receive it .
He regularly struggles with the simplest of literary principles , with hand-eye coordination , with brain-mouth communication , and with human-to-human communication , but it is his failure to be able to use regular English words and phrases correctly and in simple structures , that is making many leading publishers wary @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said : '' These fiction fantasy books are great , and I 'm sure it will be a bestseller , but Trump 's incoherence might prove a bit too challenging for many readers . ''

He might be toast as far as a second presidential term in the White House goes, but Donald Trump was already planning out his life post-President this morning, as he revealed details of a lucrative offer to write a book detailing his time as US leader.
After he's learnt to read and write properly, that is.
Trump is known as someone of a 'literary bent'; that is to say, his literacy is skewered somewhat. He loves tweeting on Twitter, but does so in the style of a young child, making cataclysmic schoolboy errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation.
Not only does he write like a child, but he also thinks like one.
Trump famously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize a new spelling of 'Noble', and consequently didn't receive it.
He regularly struggles with the simplest of literary principles, with hand-eye coordination, with brain-mouth communication, and with human-to-human communication, but it is his failure to be able to use regular English words and phrases correctly and in simple structures, that is making many leading publishers wary.
A representative of one such publisher said:
"These fiction fantasy books are great, and I'm sure it will be a bestseller, but Trump's incoherence might prove a bit too challenging for many readers."


thespoof--2020-11-24--John “Chicken Little” Kerry Named Climate Envoy By Biden

BILLINGSGATE POST : The sky is falling !
So what to do ?
President-elect Joe Biden names John “ Chicken Little ” Kerry as his special presidential envoy for climate .
In this morning ’ s New York Post , it was said that pundits have been laughing at Kerry since he attended Yale , when Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau was zinging his pretentious , vacuous self-promotion .
Even his wife , Teresa Heinz Kerry , questioned his mental state after he lost the presidential election in 2004 to George W. Bush .
She wrote to Dr. Billingsgate for advice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ husband has not been himself .
He complains about everything ; stomach problems , not being able to focus , and most troublesome of all , during sex he cries out , `` Johnny , they hardly even knew ye . ''
What do you suggest ” ?
... Teresa Heinz Kerry If Dr. Billingsgate remembers correctly , he told her not to worry .
It is not unheard of that men sometimes refer to their little pecker as “ Johnny ” during intercourse .
What was Joe Biden thinking for his choice @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the New York Post , John Kerry is one of the biggest gasbags in American politics , singlehandedly responsible for massive amounts of terrible emissions .
His reputation for dropping popcorn fart bombs on unsuspecting dinner guests is unprecedented in recent times .
Worst of all is his chicken-lip smirk while everyone is gagging for air .
He was a joke as Secretary of State .
He vowed a crushing response when Syria crossed Obama ’ s infamous “ red line ” — only to have Obama pull the rug out from under @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to take Syria ’ s chemical weapons away instead .
He also had the audacity to criticize President Trump over moving the US embassy to Jerusalem , insisting it would cause “ an absolute explosion ” — when it actually helped bring unprecedented Arab-Israeli rapprochement .
But evidently Biden remembers that Kerry helped craft the 2015 Paris climate accord , which was a meaningless non-binding agreement .
The only conclusion you can draw is that Biden , having vowed to the Progressives to make fighting climate change one of his top priorities , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like he ’ s trying hard — but won ’ t actually get anything done .
The very definition of a vitally concerned non-entity .
Slim : “ Anyone who smirks while raffling off popcorn farts can ’ t be all bad.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
I ’ m going to have to call you on that one .
Wasn ’ t that funny for poor Teresa ”

BILLINGSGATE POST: The sky is falling! So what to do? President-elect Joe Biden names John “Chicken Little” Kerry as his special presidential envoy for climate.
In this morning’s New York Post, it was said that pundits have been laughing at Kerry since he attended Yale, when Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau was zinging his pretentious, vacuous self-promotion.
Even his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, questioned his mental state after he lost the presidential election in 2004 to George W. Bush.
She wrote to Dr. Billingsgate for advice:
“Ever since the election my husband has not been himself. He complains about everything; stomach problems, not being able to focus, and most troublesome of all, during sex he cries out, "Johnny, they hardly even knew ye." What do you suggest”?...Teresa Heinz Kerry
If Dr. Billingsgate remembers correctly, he told her not to worry. It is not unheard of that men sometimes refer to their little pecker as “Johnny” during intercourse.
What was Joe Biden thinking for his choice of climate-change czar extraordinaire?
According to the New York Post, John Kerry is one of the biggest gasbags in American politics, singlehandedly responsible for massive amounts of terrible emissions. His reputation for dropping popcorn fart bombs on unsuspecting dinner guests is unprecedented in recent times. Worst of all is his chicken-lip smirk while everyone is gagging for air.
He was a joke as Secretary of State. He vowed a crushing response when Syria crossed Obama’s infamous “red line” — only to have Obama pull the rug out from under him and agree to let Russia pretend to take Syria’s chemical weapons away instead.
He also had the audacity to criticize President Trump over moving the US embassy to Jerusalem, insisting it would cause “an absolute explosion” — when it actually helped bring unprecedented Arab-Israeli rapprochement.
But evidently Biden remembers that Kerry helped craft the 2015 Paris climate accord, which was a meaningless non-binding agreement.
The only conclusion you can draw is that Biden, having vowed to the Progressives to make fighting climate change one of his top priorities, simply wants someone who’ll look like he’s trying hard — but won’t actually get anything done. The very definition of a vitally concerned non-entity.
Slim: “Anyone who smirks while raffling off popcorn farts can’t be all bad.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I’m going to have to call you on that one. Wasn’t that funny for poor Teresa”


thespoof--2020-11-24--Biden Inauguration Shocker - Harris to Attend Dressed as Darth Vader

The world is still reeling from the news that President-elect Joe Biden plans to ride a lion to his inauguration ceremony in January 2021 , and that the ex-circus beast will be fitted with a latex mask of Donald Trump ’ s face .
The decision to ride the Trump lion has been seen as not only grossly politically insensitive , but also offensive to the 70 million Americans that had a momentary loss of reason when completing their ballot papers , and actually voted for the outgoing monster , Trump .
So , when the Democrats gave out the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have a fancy dress theme , the announcement came not so much as a surprise , as a shock .
This was particularly the case when the press pack was told that VP Elect Kamala Harris would be attending dressed as the villain in the early Star Wars movie franchise , Darth Vader .
“ I don ’ t know why the fancy dress idea is causing such a fuss , ” said VP Harris when press attended her fitting for the Darth Vader costume at ‘ Mac ’ s Magic & Fancy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Trump attended his inauguration wearing a wig with a robot sex-droid at his side , and no one said a thing about that.
” When pressed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano as to why she had chosen to attend the event in a Darth Vader costume , VP Harris crowed , “ I chose Vader as he reflects certain aspects of my personality that I ’ d like to have underlined .
For example , we never know who or what Vader really is .
Vader may @ @ @ @ @ @ @ female , white or a person of colour , but that ’ s irrelevant – it ’ s not what defines him or her .
All we see is this big bastard in a black suit pushing people around , choking enemies to near-death using ‘ the force ’ , then cutting their ‘ bezubies ’ off with a light sabre .
I ’ d like to think that ’ s how people see me.
” VP-elect Harris then rather surprisingly told the assembled press that she intended to wear the Darth Vader @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ We ’ ve dropped all the work on a Covid vaccine in favour of developing a real light sabre , ” boasted the lady in the ill-fitting fancy dress costume , “ Rather than to waste time trying to debate with our Republican opponents , we ’ ve worked out it ’ s quicker and more efficient just to flick on the light sabre and lop their heads off.
” However , not everyone is as thrilled as Harris with the inauguration ceremony taking a fancy dress theme .
The instructions issued @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how they should be dressed when attending the ceremony have not all been well received .
For example , outgoing ( ex ) President Trump has been told that he has to dress as the Disney character ‘ Goofy.
’ “ It ’ s not only grossly offensive but impractical , ” barked Trump when chased for a comment by the reporter for the UK gardening magazine , Thyme .
“ Biden knows I have a mouth shaped like a baboon ’ s ass .
The costume supplied has a facemask with a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is at least twelve inches from my mouth .
I won ’ t be able to suck in enough air .
I ’ ll suffocate .
If that wasn ’ t bad enough , the shoes they sent for Goofy ’ s feet are over three feet long .
Biden knows all my extremities are tiny .
My feet are only six inches long .
I ’ ll never make it up the steps !
” Equally as unhappy is ex-President Bill Clinton who has been sent a giant cigar costume , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been sent the costume for the villain in Disney ’ s 101 Dalmatians , Cruella Deville .
“ I thought Joe and us were buddies , ” sobbed a hapless Hillary , “ but you never know with these quiet guys .
Who ’ d have thought , all these years , he ’ s been harbouring grudges.
” There are others , however , who have embraced the fancy dress theme .
“ I , for one , am looking forward to attending the event , ” purred the president of Canada @ @ @ @ @ @ @ m gon na black up , and go as Denzel Washington.
” “ …and I ’ m going as the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang , ” added the UK ’ s persona-non-grata royal , Prince Andrew .

The world is still reeling from the news that President-elect Joe Biden plans to ride a lion to his inauguration ceremony in January 2021, and that the ex-circus beast will be fitted with a latex mask of Donald Trump’s face.
The decision to ride the Trump lion has been seen as not only grossly politically insensitive, but also offensive to the 70 million Americans that had a momentary loss of reason when completing their ballot papers, and actually voted for the outgoing monster, Trump.
So, when the Democrats gave out the news that the inauguration ceremony was to have a fancy dress theme, the announcement came not so much as a surprise, as a shock.
This was particularly the case when the press pack was told that VP Elect Kamala Harris would be attending dressed as the villain in the early Star Wars movie franchise, Darth Vader.
“I don’t know why the fancy dress idea is causing such a fuss,” said VP Harris when press attended her fitting for the Darth Vader costume at ‘Mac’s Magic & Fancy Dress Emporium’ in downtown Washington. “Trump attended his inauguration wearing a wig with a robot sex-droid at his side, and no one said a thing about that.”
When pressed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano as to why she had chosen to attend the event in a Darth Vader costume, VP Harris crowed, “I chose Vader as he reflects certain aspects of my personality that I’d like to have underlined. For example, we never know who or what Vader really is. Vader may or may not be a male or female, white or a person of colour, but that’s irrelevant – it’s not what defines him or her. All we see is this big bastard in a black suit pushing people around, choking enemies to near-death using ‘the force’, then cutting their ‘bezubies’ off with a light sabre. I’d like to think that’s how people see me.”
VP-elect Harris then rather surprisingly told the assembled press that she intended to wear the Darth Vader costume throughout her tenure in office.
“We’ve dropped all the work on a Covid vaccine in favour of developing a real light sabre,” boasted the lady in the ill-fitting fancy dress costume, “Rather than to waste time trying to debate with our Republican opponents, we’ve worked out it’s quicker and more efficient just to flick on the light sabre and lop their heads off.”
However, not everyone is as thrilled as Harris with the inauguration ceremony taking a fancy dress theme. The instructions issued by President-elect Biden to participants as to how they should be dressed when attending the ceremony have not all been well received.
For example, outgoing (ex) President Trump has been told that he has to dress as the Disney character ‘Goofy.’
“It’s not only grossly offensive but impractical,” barked Trump when chased for a comment by the reporter for the UK gardening magazine, Thyme. “Biden knows I have a mouth shaped like a baboon’s ass. The costume supplied has a facemask with a long foam rubber nose. The opening is at least twelve inches from my mouth. I won’t be able to suck in enough air. I’ll suffocate. If that wasn’t bad enough, the shoes they sent for Goofy’s feet are over three feet long. Biden knows all my extremities are tiny. My feet are only six inches long. I’ll never make it up the steps!”
Equally as unhappy is ex-President Bill Clinton who has been sent a giant cigar costume, and his wife, Hillary, who has been sent the costume for the villain in Disney’s 101 Dalmatians, Cruella Deville.
“I thought Joe and us were buddies,” sobbed a hapless Hillary, “but you never know with these quiet guys. Who’d have thought, all these years, he’s been harbouring grudges.”
There are others, however, who have embraced the fancy dress theme.
“I, for one, am looking forward to attending the event,” purred the president of Canada, Justin Trudeau. “I’m gonna black up, and go as Denzel Washington.”
“…and I’m going as the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” added the UK’s persona-non-grata royal, Prince Andrew.