thespoof--2020-10-30--New day-in-the-life-of-a-sheep analytical study emerges with fast delivery from Amazon

Breaking : For the first time in Earth 's history , a new type of author has been found , proudly announced through Amazon dot com and Mr. Bezos .
That is , a sheep as scribe—yes , from the animal of the species ovis balantes dispersus—has emerged with a brilliant new analysis for our time , titled Dr. Burbles und Der Furor .
Mr. Bezos has assured that writings from this new type of author , ovis inscribem obedientes , will be delivered with express speed following acceptance of an Amazon Credit Card as Gift .
This particular wooly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ extensive experience clustering under shade trees with others of its ilk .
Surveys and group studies inform its new analysis , and include the following principles : *The Dr. Burbles Factor means what has been called “ perception management ” since at least the Ronald Reagan presidency ( with resonances circa 1934 in Germany ) .
*Perception management ( previously aka “ brainwashing ” and “ The Big Lie ” ) does not simply mean massaging the views of The Official Narrative .
*It means whole-hearted baa-ing group-think acceptance—with critical thinking a no-no @ @ @ @ @ @ @ talking beheadings or concentration camps here , our author reminds , with furrowed brows .
*It means doing what you 're told to do to avoid penalties and the NBS ( The New Brown Shirts ) who invade houses at Thanksgiving if you do n't have the right number at your family gathering .
*Or drag people out of supermarkets for not wearing a mask properly .
*Or arrest mothers who allow their children to play in forbidden playgrounds surrounded with plastic orange tape .
*The Der Furor Factor means that any resistance @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with utter cud-chewing calm and denial .
*Rules established via algorithms from computer programs—instead of real human thinking about consequences—constitute the modus operandi for patriots everywhere .
*Technocracy , not democracy , now governs the human community .
*Under which unquestioning obedience is the first order of civilized sheep behavior .
*As to researching , checking , and evaluating Government Protocols there is only one proper way to respond : a resounding chorus of baa-baa-baa behavior and gratitude for the leadership provided .
Mr. Bezos reports sales for this new analytical work , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been somewhat slow , but there is good news .
Buy two copies and get one free , plus same day delivery service by helicopter or drone .
*

Breaking: For the first time in Earth's history, a new type of author has been found, proudly announced through Amazon dot com and Mr. Bezos.
That is, a sheep as scribe—yes, from the animal of the species ovis balantes dispersus—has emerged with a brilliant new analysis for our time, titled Dr. Burbles und Der Furor.
Mr. Bezos has assured that writings from this new type of author, ovis inscribem obedientes, will be delivered with express speed following acceptance of an Amazon Credit Card as Gift.
This particular wooly scribe now emerging from the pastures has extensive experience clustering under shade trees with others of its ilk.
Surveys and group studies inform its new analysis, and include the following principles:
*The Dr. Burbles Factor means what has been called “perception management” since at least the Ronald Reagan presidency (with resonances circa 1934 in Germany).
*Perception management (previously aka “brainwashing” and “The Big Lie”) does not simply mean massaging the views of The Official Narrative.
*It means whole-hearted baa-ing group-think acceptance—with critical thinking a no-no from the get-go.
*We're not talking beheadings or concentration camps here, our author reminds, with furrowed brows.
*It means doing what you're told to do to avoid penalties and the NBS (The New Brown Shirts) who invade houses at Thanksgiving if you don't have the right number at your family gathering.
*Or drag people out of supermarkets for not wearing a mask properly.
*Or arrest mothers who allow their children to play in forbidden playgrounds surrounded with plastic orange tape.
*The Der Furor Factor means that any resistance to The Official Narrative should be received with utter cud-chewing calm and denial.
*Rules established via algorithms from computer programs—instead of real human thinking about consequences—constitute the modus operandi for patriots everywhere.
*Technocracy, not democracy, now governs the human community.
*Under which unquestioning obedience is the first order of civilized sheep behavior.
*As to researching, checking, and evaluating Government Protocols there is only one proper way to respond: a resounding chorus of baa-baa-baa behavior and gratitude for the leadership provided.
Mr. Bezos reports sales for this new analytical work, Dr. Burbles und Der Furor, have been somewhat slow, but there is good news.
Buy two copies and get one free, plus same day delivery service by helicopter or drone.*
(*Subject to government regulations in your area.)


thespoof--2020-10-30--A Hacker Hacks Into President Trump’s Campaign Website And Reveals Very Revealing Secrets

LAS VEGAS – ( Satire News ) – Political Salad Bar Magazine has stated that a computer hacker has hacked into President Trump ’ s campaign website .
A private computing anti-hacking company told PSBM that the hacker is extremely professional , and was able to crack Trump ’ s password , which is “ kingdonaldthefirst ” , in a record-setting password-stealing 17.3 seconds .
Mistletoe Bulova , with PSBM , stated that the hacker had allegedly found a list of female names that Trump , reportedly , has balled , going back to 1997 .
Some of the names @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , prostitutes , and even some Republican female senators .
Miss Bulova also divulged that the hacker found a very personal text message that Trump sent to Mexico ’ s President Enrique Pena-Nieto in 2017 .
In the text message , Trump begged President Pena-Nieto to please pay for the border wall , so the American people wo n't think that he 's a lying , spineless , low-life wimp .
But the thing that may be the most damning of all , are dozens of text messages that the “ Prick-in-Chief ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that , when he divorces Melania , he will marry her making her the fourth Mrs. Donald J. Trump .

LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) – Political Salad Bar Magazine has stated that a computer hacker has hacked into President Trump’s campaign website.
A private computing anti-hacking company told PSBM that the hacker is extremely professional, and was able to crack Trump’s password, which is “kingdonaldthefirst”, in a record-setting password-stealing 17.3 seconds.
Mistletoe Bulova, with PSBM, stated that the hacker had allegedly found a list of female names that Trump, reportedly, has balled, going back to 1997.
Some of the names are well-known actresses, singers, comedians, prostitutes, and even some Republican female senators.
Miss Bulova also divulged that the hacker found a very personal text message that Trump sent to Mexico’s President Enrique Pena-Nieto in 2017.
In the text message, Trump begged President Pena-Nieto to please pay for the border wall, so the American people won't think that he's a lying, spineless, low-life wimp.
But the thing that may be the most damning of all, are dozens of text messages that the “Prick-in-Chief” sent to Stormy Daniels, promising her that, when he divorces Melania, he will marry her making her the fourth Mrs. Donald J. Trump.


thespoof--2020-10-30--Two Million U.S. Presidential Election Ballots Are Discovered in a Dumpster in Mexico

WASHINGTON , D.C. - ( Satire News ) – Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine is reporting that 2 million U.S. voting @ @ @ @ @ by a task force comprising members with the FBI , CIA , IRS , and @ @ @ @ @ transported on an Aero Ole Mexicano 747 from Nuevo Guacamole , Mexico , to the @ @ @ @ @ members of President Trump ’ s personal staff went over each ballot .
They found @ @ @ @ @ ballots showed voting for Trump , 11 % showed voting for Biden , and 2 @ @ @ @ @ the Explorer .
A White House insider told IFIM that when Jared Kushner asked Trump @ @ @ @ @ the fake illegal ballots , he was told to take them to the Presidential Election @ @ @ @ @ could be counted .
The CIA is reportedly keeping it on the down low , @ @ @ @ @ were found to have contained the DNA of President Trump and Hope Hicks .

WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) – Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine is reporting that 2 million U.S. voting ballots were confiscated in Mexico by a task force comprising members with the FBI, CIA, IRS, and IUD.
The ballots were transported on an Aero Ole Mexicano 747 from Nuevo Guacamole, Mexico, to the White House, where nine members of President Trump’s personal staff went over each ballot.
They found that 87% of the ballots showed voting for Trump, 11% showed voting for Biden, and 2% showed voting for Dora the Explorer.
A White House insider told IFIM that when Jared Kushner asked Trump what they should do with the fake illegal ballots, he was told to take them to the Presidential Election Headquarters, so that they could be counted.
The CIA is reportedly keeping it on the down low, but some of the ballots were found to have contained the DNA of President Trump and Hope Hicks.


thespoof--2020-10-30--The President Secretly Tells Son Barron That He May Launch a Missile Towards China Just To Stir Thin

The President Secretly Tells Son Barron That He May Launch a Missile Towards China Just To Stir Things Up

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – One of the Secret Service agents assigned to protect 14-year-old Barron @ @ @ @ @ is very concerned with the President ’ s mental state .
The unnamed agent commented @ @ @ @ @ really strange shit .
He noted that , for one thing , he is starting @ @ @ @ @ upside down , like baseball players do when they want to start a run rally @ @ @ @ @ that he even overheard the President telling Barron , as they were both enjoying a @ @ @ @ @ he might just launch a missile towards China , just for the heck of it @ @ @ @ @ the first lady has already hidden the Missile Launching Remote a total of four times @ @ @ @ @ managed to locate it each time .
Meanwhile , Donald Jr 's , girlfriend , @ @ @ @ @ that Eric take the Missile Launching Remote when his daddy is n't looking , and @ @ @ @ @ Potomac River .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – One of the Secret Service agents assigned to protect 14-year-old Barron Trump has said that he is very concerned with the President’s mental state.
The unnamed agent commented that Trump is doing some really strange shit. He noted that, for one thing, he is starting to wear his MAGA cap upside down, like baseball players do when they want to start a run rally.
The agent pointed out that he even overheard the President telling Barron, as they were both enjoying a McDonalds Happy Meal, that he might just launch a missile towards China, just for the heck of it.
According to CNN, the first lady has already hidden the Missile Launching Remote a total of four times, but her husband has managed to locate it each time.
Meanwhile, Donald Jr's, girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, has suggested that Eric take the Missile Launching Remote when his daddy isn't looking, and throw the mothereffer in the Potomac River.


thespoof--2020-10-30--Trump Invokes Sedition Act to Silence The Spoof

The White House , Washington , D. C. Woof Blister reporting for The Spoof .
This reporter was charged today with violation of the Sedition Act , a law passed in the administration of John Adams over 200 years ago .
I was arrested and booked , then bailed out of federal jail by the publisher of this online news publication .
Under terms of the act , it is a federal crime to write , print , utter or publish anything critical of the president .
None of the comments that I wrote were in fact mine , but @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the criticism of President Trump was made on The Spoof , that was enough to warrant my arrest , according to the FBI , which apprehended me .
At my bail hearing , I protested that the act had expired in 1801 , but the Justice Department lawyers argued , successfully , that the law had never been repealed , just ignored , for two centuries .
The federal judge , a Trump appointee , agreed , and upheld the charge .
The Supreme Court is expected to do so as well , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ date has been set .
My arrest has sent shockwaves through the ranks of America 's journalists .
If I can be charged , so can the publisher of The Spoof , and the editors who posted my reports criticizing the President .
Submissions to The Spoof have dwindled , as contributors are fearful of what the feds might do to them .
Should Trump win re-election , news reports , both in print and on air , will be carefully screened by editors before being printed or aired .
The Spoof plans @ @ @ @ @ @ @ escape prosecution .
In the next few days , before the election , do n't expect to read or hear any criticism of this administration 's handling of the pandemic .
Some outlets have already stopped reporting pandemic statistics , such as deaths .
Several Spoof writers have already fled to Canada .

The White House, Washington, D. C. Woof Blister reporting for The Spoof. This reporter was charged today with violation of the Sedition Act, a law passed in the administration of John Adams over 200 years ago. I was arrested and booked, then bailed out of federal jail by the publisher of this online news publication.
Under terms of the act, it is a federal crime to write, print, utter or publish anything critical of the president. None of the comments that I wrote were in fact mine, but since I wrote the articles in which the criticism of President Trump was made on The Spoof, that was enough to warrant my arrest, according to the FBI, which apprehended me.
At my bail hearing, I protested that the act had expired in 1801, but the Justice Department lawyers argued, successfully, that the law had never been repealed, just ignored, for two centuries. The federal judge, a Trump appointee, agreed, and upheld the charge. The Supreme Court is expected to do so as well, by a 6-3 margin. No trial date has been set.
My arrest has sent shockwaves through the ranks of America's journalists. If I can be charged, so can the publisher of The Spoof, and the editors who posted my reports criticizing the President. Submissions to The Spoof have dwindled, as contributors are fearful of what the feds might do to them. Should Trump win re-election, news reports, both in print and on air, will be carefully screened by editors before being printed or aired. The Spoof plans to move its headquarters to Montreal to escape prosecution.
In the next few days, before the election, don't expect to read or hear any criticism of this administration's handling of the pandemic. Some outlets have already stopped reporting pandemic statistics, such as deaths.
Several Spoof writers have already fled to Canada.


thespoof--2020-10-31--B. O. Plenty Endorses Sleepy Joe Biden

B. O. Plenty Endorses Sleepy Joe Biden

BILLINGSGATE POST : B. O .
Plenty , the husband of Gravel Gertie and father of Sparkle Plenty , today announced his support for Sleepy Joe Biden .
Sparkle was a child prodigy at the age of two .
Already talking and doing chores at her home in Fontana , she mastered the mandolin by the age of three , and , most recently , sang the National Anthem before game one of the World Series between the Dodgers and Tampa Rays .
“ Wal , it does lack dibnigty - but never noticed afore how much ye take after @ @ @ @ @ @ @ B.O .
Plenty was once listed in Dick Tracy ’ s Rogues ’ Gallery for sheltering fugitive Breathless Mahoney on his farm , then stole her money .
He was rehabilitated with the aid of Dick Tracy and Diet Smith .
Later in her life , Sparkle Plenty became a target of the extortionist T.V .
Wiggles , but was protected from harm by Flintheart , Tracy , and her family .
Slim : “ I ’ ve heard enough .
Why did B.O .
Plenty endorse Sleepy Joe ?
” Dirty : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you were not paying attention .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: B. O. Plenty, the husband of Gravel Gertie and father of Sparkle Plenty, today announced his support for Sleepy Joe Biden.
Sparkle was a child prodigy at the age of two. Already talking and doing chores at her home in Fontana, she mastered the mandolin by the age of three, and, most recently, sang the National Anthem before game one of the World Series between the Dodgers and Tampa Rays.
“Wal, it does lack dibnigty - but never noticed afore how much ye take after yore Ma, young’un.”
A Little Background:
B.O. Plenty was once listed in Dick Tracy’s Rogues’ Gallery for sheltering fugitive Breathless Mahoney on his farm, then stole her money. He was rehabilitated with the aid of Dick Tracy and Diet Smith.
ROGUES’ GALLERY: Gertrude Plenty, AKA Gravel Gertie, aided Brow in escape attempt, serving sentence. Helped police crack prison dope ring. Later married B.O. Plenty. REFORMED.
Later in her life, Sparkle Plenty became a target of the extortionist T.V. Wiggles, but was protected from harm by Flintheart, Tracy, and her family.
Slim: “I’ve heard enough. Why did B.O. Plenty endorse Sleepy Joe?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Evidently, you were not paying attention.”


thespoof--2020-10-30--Melania Trump Says That If Donald Gives Her Any Shit About Their Divorce She Will Sing Like a Canary

Melania Trump Says That If Donald Gives Her Any Shit About Their Divorce She Will Sing Like a Canary Regarding Fort Knox

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A White House insider says that Melania confided in her about an incident that could easily land the President and others in prison for a long , long time .
Tittle Tattle Tonight reports that it is no secret that Melania will be filing for a divorce once her husband gets his ass kicked by Joe Biden .
And the first lady may have one hell of a horrible accent , but she ’ s certainly no dummy ; she 's not Paris Hilton by any stretch of the imagination .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ videotape of the President and Donald Jr. , Ivanka , Eric , Kimberly Guilfoyle , and Sean Hannity removing gold bars out of the Fort Knox Gold Depository in Kentucky .
Mrs. Trump said that the Trumps and their cohorts took a total of 113 of the 27.5 pound gold bars .
A gold expert hired by TTT stated that each bar weighs the equivalent of 400 ounces , and at $ 42.22 per ounce , this is the equivalent of $ 16,888 per bar .
For 113 bars , thiscomes out to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Melania was asked where the 113 gold bars are located .
She checked her cell phone , and replied that the gold is sitting in the Johnny Unitas Storage Unit Facility , storage unit 17-F , in downtown Baltimore .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A White House insider says that Melania confided in her about an incident that could easily land the President and others in prison for a long, long time.
Tittle Tattle Tonight reports that it is no secret that Melania will be filing for a divorce once her husband gets his ass kicked by Joe Biden.
And the first lady may have one hell of a horrible accent, but she’s certainly no dummy; she's not Paris Hilton by any stretch of the imagination.
TTT is alleging that Melania has a videotape of the President and Donald Jr., Ivanka, Eric, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Sean Hannity removing gold bars out of the Fort Knox Gold Depository in Kentucky.
Mrs. Trump said that the Trumps and their cohorts took a total of 113 of the 27.5 pound gold bars.
A gold expert hired by TTT stated that each bar weighs the equivalent of 400 ounces, and at $42.22 per ounce, this is the equivalent of $16,888 per bar. For 113 bars, thiscomes out to a little over $1.9 million.
Melania was asked where the 113 gold bars are located.
She checked her cell phone, and replied that the gold is sitting in the Johnny Unitas Storage Unit Facility, storage unit 17-F, in downtown Baltimore.


thespoof--2020-10-31--President Trump is Mad at The World Because He Knows Melania Is Getting Ready to Divorce Him

MIAMI – ( Satire News ) – President Trump somehow found the time to play golf at his own Trump @ @ @ @ @ reports that he rode around in a golf cart that the American taxpayers paid for @ @ @ @ @ are unemployed , and with barely enough money to buy bread , Ramen , and @ @ @ @ @ jerk wonders why a majority of the American people hate his arrogantly pompous volcano-sized ass @ @ @ @ @ that if the “ Divider-in-Chief ” gets any fatter , he ’ s going to @ @ @ @ @ a C-5A military transport plane .
Reports oozing out of the White Folks House confirm @ @ @ @ @ because he knows his wife plans to divorce him after he loses the election .
@ @ @ @ @ starting to look at mansion listings in Zuzemberk , Slovenia .

MIAMI – (Satire News) – President Trump somehow found the time to play golf at his own Trump Doral Golf Course.
CNN reports that he rode around in a golf cart that the American taxpayers paid for, while millions of Americans are unemployed, and with barely enough money to buy bread, Ramen, and beer.
And the bloated-as-hell jerk wonders why a majority of the American people hate his arrogantly pompous volcano-sized ass.
Comedian Zydeco Dupree said that if the “Divider-in-Chief” gets any fatter, he’s going to have to fly around in a C-5A military transport plane.
Reports oozing out of the White Folks House confirm that the President is livid because he knows his wife plans to divorce him after he loses the election.
Meanwhile, Melania is already starting to look at mansion listings in Zuzemberk, Slovenia.


thespoof--2020-10-31--Don Lemon Says That There is Just No Way That A Straight Man Can Hate Women as Much as President Tru

Don Lemon Says That There is Just No Way That A Straight Man Can Hate Women as Much as President Trump Does

NEW YORK CITY – CNN host Don “ Rainbow ” Lemon recently told fellow host Chris Cuomo that he has @ @ @ @ @ hates women more than President Trump does .
He pointed out that POTUS hates Senator @ @ @ @ @ Gretchen Whitmer , Hillary Clinton , Miss Universe 1996 – Alicia Machado , Rosie O @ @ @ @ @ Claus , and Megyn Kelly .
Lemon said that , in his circle , and @ @ @ @ @ circle , hating women that much , means that Trump is a closet fairy , @ @ @ @ @ down in the Ozarks of Arkansas , `` The feller he done got himself a @ @ @ @ @ swish in his sway . ''
When Trump heard about Lemon ’ s remarks , @ @ @ @ @ hole , and said that he actually loves women .
He then got that shit-eating @ @ @ @ @ like the Colorado cat that swallowed the Connecticut canary , and quipped , `` Just @ @ @ @ @ McDougall . ''

NEW YORK CITY – CNN host Don “Rainbow” Lemon recently told fellow host Chris Cuomo that he has never known a man who hates women more than President Trump does.
He pointed out that POTUS hates Senator Elizabeth Warren, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Hillary Clinton, Miss Universe 1996 – Alicia Machado, Rosie O’Donnell, Mrs. Santa Claus, and Megyn Kelly.
Lemon said that, in his circle, and most anyone else’s circle, hating women that much, means that Trump is a closet fairy, or, as they say down in the Ozarks of Arkansas, "The feller he done got himself a little bit too much swishy swish in his sway."
When Trump heard about Lemon’s remarks, he paused at the 13th hole, and said that he actually loves women.
He then got that shit-eating grin on his face, like the Colorado cat that swallowed the Connecticut canary, and quipped, "Just ask Stormy Daniels or Karen McDougall."


thespoof--2020-10-31--A Yellowstone Park Forest Ranger Teaches 3 Squirrels to Say a Vulgar Phrase

BUFFALO NIPPLES , Wyoming – ( Satire News ) – The United States Department of Forestry has fired a veteran forest ranger , after he was caught on video acting like a 14-year-old immature punk .
Investigators viewed three different videos , in which former Yellowstone Park forest ranger Fritz K. Amsterdam , 49 , was shown teaching some park squirrels how to say a nasty phrase .
Amsterdam had amazingly trained three docile park squirrels to go up to unsuspecting park visitors , flash them , and say , “ Hey , bitch , look at my little nuts.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ terminated , said that he was sorry , and that he was just trying to put a smile on the faces of depressed park visitors .
He added that none of the squirrels were harmed in any way , shape , or form .
A representative for PETA said that was not the case .
The PETA rep reported that she checked out the three squirrels , and two of them showed signs of second-degree traumatization .
She pointed out that the third squirrel was somewhat ornery , and it just did not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ other .
Meanwhile , the 13 individuals that were flashed by the three squirrels , have all agreed to accept $ 200 gift certificates to Olive Garden , in return for signing a non-lawsuit agreement .

BUFFALO NIPPLES, Wyoming – (Satire News) – The United States Department of Forestry has fired a veteran forest ranger, after he was caught on video acting like a 14-year-old immature punk.
Investigators viewed three different videos, in which former Yellowstone Park forest ranger Fritz K. Amsterdam, 49, was shown teaching some park squirrels how to say a nasty phrase.
Amsterdam had amazingly trained three docile park squirrels to go up to unsuspecting park visitors, flash them, and say, “Hey, bitch, look at my little nuts.”
The ranger, who has been terminated, said that he was sorry, and that he was just trying to put a smile on the faces of depressed park visitors.
He added that none of the squirrels were harmed in any way, shape, or form.
A representative for PETA said that was not the case. The PETA rep reported that she checked out the three squirrels, and two of them showed signs of second-degree traumatization.
She pointed out that the third squirrel was somewhat ornery, and it just did not give a damn one way or the other.
Meanwhile, the 13 individuals that were flashed by the three squirrels, have all agreed to accept $200 gift certificates to Olive Garden, in return for signing a non-lawsuit agreement.


thespoof--2020-10-31--IQ Tests Will Be Required For Future Presidential Nominees

Now that the national nightmare of the Trump White House occupation is almost over , a new Supreme Court decision has been quietly signed into law .
In the future , all presidential nominees will be required to take an IQ test as part of their physical exam - and by an independent examiner .
No more Dr. Googlyeyes allowing his patient to write his own letter , boasting of his excellent body and intelligent mind .
Through experience , it has been noted that any presidential wanna-be can B.S .
their way through a debate , bully and interrupt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ then the party will hop , skip and jump to back up and support their nominee - idiot , or not - and end up electing dopey Joe Schmo from Calico , for president .
There follows the disaster .
Schmo wants to eat , sleep and watch television all day , or fly around on Air Force One , experience the ceremonial tarmac greetings ( all those colorful flags ! )
, then speed to the Ambassador ’ s residence , sirens wailing , where he ’ ll eat , sleep and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it .
Don ’ t panic the people .
Pass me another piece of chocolate banana cake with two scoops of soft butterscotch ice cream and whipped cream on top.
” So , someone more inclined to take on the responsibilities of running a country will have to take and pass an I.Q.Test .
More than an I.Q .
of 100 will be required .
An I.Q .
of over 150 should be ideal .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at @

Now that the national nightmare of the Trump White House occupation is almost over, a new Supreme Court decision has been quietly signed into law. In the future, all presidential nominees will be required to take an IQ test as part of their physical exam - and by an independent examiner.
No more Dr. Googlyeyes allowing his patient to write his own letter, boasting of his excellent body and intelligent mind.
(The entire family didn’t even know how to spell Nobel, for Christ's sake.)
Through experience, it has been noted that any presidential wanna-be can B.S. their way through a debate, bully and interrupt his opponents, receive the nomination and then the party will hop, skip and jump to back up and support their nominee - idiot, or not - and end up electing dopey Joe Schmo from Calico, for president.
There follows the disaster.
Schmo wants to eat, sleep and watch television all day, or fly around on Air Force One, experience the ceremonial tarmac greetings (all those colorful flags!), then speed to the Ambassador’s residence, sirens wailing, where he’ll eat, sleep and watch television all day.
“Aliens from outer space are invading, sir.”
“Ignore it. Don’t panic the people. Pass me another piece of chocolate banana cake with two scoops of soft butterscotch ice cream and whipped cream on top.”
So, someone more inclined to take on the responsibilities of running a country will have to take and pass an I.Q.Test.
More than an I.Q. of 100 will be required. An I.Q. of over 150 should be ideal.
That was Obama's range.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-31--Samsonite banks on Trump win, would sell 200,000,000 suitcases as Americans move to Canada

Popular luggage maker Samsonite announced yesterday , in a conference call with investors , that if US President Donald Trump @ @ @ @ @ they expect to sell around 200 million suitcases and handbags on Wednesday , as the @ @ @ @ @ to Canada .
`` It 'll be a bonanza .
We 've been making arrangements @ @ @ @ @ , and are very much looking forward to a Trump win , '' said company @ @ @ @ @ The company also hopes to sell an additional 38 million pieces of luggage in the @ @ @ @ @ existing residents of Canada move to Europe or Asia .

Popular luggage maker Samsonite announced yesterday, in a conference call with investors, that if US President Donald Trump wins reelection on Tuesday, they expect to sell around 200 million suitcases and handbags on Wednesday, as the majority of Americans move north to Canada.
"It'll be a bonanza. We've been making arrangements with our suppliers for months, and are very much looking forward to a Trump win," said company CEO Ramesh Dungarmal Tainwala.
The company also hopes to sell an additional 38 million pieces of luggage in the coming weeks, when the existing residents of Canada move to Europe or Asia.
Samsonite stock shot up 425% after Friday morning's announcement.


thespoof--2020-11-01--Pelosi's “Biden will be president whatever the vote count” clarified as emission vs. sedition

Speaker of the House , Nancy Pelosi , has ripped open a new controversy on who might be fiddling with election results .
Last Thursday , she stated that Mr. Biden will be president come next January 21 , “ whatever the vote count.
” The key consideration here , according to Intelligence Experts , is the meaning of “ whatever.
” This new verbal conundrum hearkens back to Mr. Clinton 's historic remark : “ That depends on what the meaning of is is.
” Intell Agent : “ Ms .
Pelosi , you do realize your comment implies @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
” “ Similar to how you have maintained Mr. Trump colluded with Russia ?
” “ So , then , when you said 'whatever ' , did you mean a combination of the popular and the electoral vote ?
Or meddling ?
” Pressed further on her possible meaning here , Ms. Pelosi had several provocative responses : “ The human brain is much like the digestive system .
Certain elements are entered into it , which can lead to various expulsions , if you follow my meaning.
” “ You mean @ @ @ @ @ @ @ believe the word is .
.
.
” “ Plus , I did not know that word was in my mask on that particular morning !
” Never at a loss , US Agents , in cooperation with Intelligence Units in the UK and Australia , have come up with extensive analysis of what is known as “ brain gas ” .
Emissions occur in three possible spheres of malfeasance : HO ( “ horrible but over with quickly ” ) Ms. Pelosi 's statement that Mr. Biden will be president January 21st @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been designated a harmless case of SD with tinctures of HO , but definitely not CAT .
Plus , as Speaker of the House , she is fourth in line to assume the presidency , if needed , and whatever she meant by her remark must remain classified anyway .

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has ripped open a new controversy on who might be fiddling with election results.
Last Thursday, she stated that Mr. Biden will be president come next January 21, “whatever the vote count.”
The key consideration here, according to Intelligence Experts, is the meaning of “whatever.”
This new verbal conundrum hearkens back to Mr. Clinton's historic remark: “That depends on what the meaning of is is.”
Intell Agent: “Ms. Pelosi, you do realize your comment implies Democrats are meddling with the upcoming election?”
“Similar to how you have maintained Mr. Trump colluded with Russia?”
“So, then, when you said 'whatever', did you mean a combination of the popular and the electoral vote? Or meddling?”
Ms. Pelosi: “Whatever.”
Pressed further on her possible meaning here, Ms. Pelosi had several provocative responses:
“The human brain is much like the digestive system. Certain elements are entered into it, which can lead to various expulsions, if you follow my meaning.”
“You mean what is sometimes called a 'brain'–ah I believe the word is . . .”
“Exactly.”
“Plus, I did not know that word was in my mask on that particular morning!”
Never at a loss, US Agents, in cooperation with Intelligence Units in the UK and Australia, have come up with extensive analysis of what is known as “brain gas”.
Emissions occur in three possible spheres of malfeasance:
SD (“silent but deadly”)
HO (“horrible but over with quickly”)
CAT (“criminal Assange type”)
Conclusion:
Ms. Pelosi's statement that Mr. Biden will be president January 21st, whatever the vote count, has been designated a harmless case of SD with tinctures of HO, but definitely not CAT.
Plus, as Speaker of the House, she is fourth in line to assume the presidency, if needed, and whatever she meant by her remark must remain classified anyway.


thespoof--2020-11-01--Fly Face Predicts Trump Victory By A Gnat’s Ass

BILLINGSGATE POST : Fly Face , who has successfully predicted the outcome of every election since Patrice Émery Lumumba was elected as the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1960 , now predicts that Donald Trump will beat Sleepy Joe Biden by a margin of a “ gnats ass ” this coming Tuesday .
As a footnote to history , Lumumba ’ s victory was short-lived .
He disappeared three months into his office , and was later found in the stomach X-RAY ’ s of his political rival , Joseph Kasa-Vubu .
This @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in American politics .
Fly Face ’ s real name is Felixweather Limpp , a renegade independent pollster .
A slightly overweight 42-year-old man with a shock of white hair and a grimaced expression on his face , he dresses slovenly , with flies constantly buzzing about his face , which they use for an ersatz landing strip .
Joe Biden , who , himself , has a problem with body odor and terminal halitosis , calls Fly Face the “ most disgusting man I have ever met.
” Yet , when asked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Barack Obama , Biden hesitated momentarily behind his mask , his eyes darting like two pin balls , then demurring : “ That ’ s like comparing apples to oranges.
” Although respected by his peers , he hated it when they called him Fly Face .
He was , after all , a very sensitive man , polite to a fault .
When ending an interview , he would request : “ Would you , please , not call me Fly Face.
” Slim : “ Other than his problem with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
But he will never be respected by those who practice hygiene .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Fly Face, who has successfully predicted the outcome of every election since Patrice Émery Lumumba was elected as the first Prime Minister of the independent Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1960, now predicts that Donald Trump will beat Sleepy Joe Biden by a margin of a “gnats ass” this coming Tuesday.
As a footnote to history, Lumumba’s victory was short-lived. He disappeared three months into his office, and was later found in the stomach X-RAY’s of his political rival, Joseph Kasa-Vubu. This was long before cannibalism became a mainstay in American politics.
Fly Face’s real name is Felixweather Limpp, a renegade independent pollster. A slightly overweight 42-year-old man with a shock of white hair and a grimaced expression on his face, he dresses slovenly, with flies constantly buzzing about his face, which they use for an ersatz landing strip.
Joe Biden, who, himself, has a problem with body odor and terminal halitosis, calls Fly Face the “most disgusting man I have ever met.” Yet, when asked to compare him to his former boss, Barack Obama, Biden hesitated momentarily behind his mask, his eyes darting like two pin balls, then demurring: “That’s like comparing apples to oranges.”
Although respected by his peers, he hated it when they called him Fly Face. He was, after all, a very sensitive man, polite to a fault. When ending an interview, he would request:
“Would you, please, not call me Fly Face.”
Slim: “Other than his problem with flies, he has impeccable credentials.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. But he will never be respected by those who practice hygiene.”


thespoof--2020-11-01--President Trump Says He’ll Pay Ever Poor Person Who Votes For Him $35

OIL SLICK , Pennsylvania – ( Satire News ) – President Trump held a campaign rally in Oil Slick , @ @ @ @ @ largest Preparation H factory in the nation .
POTUS told the mask-less crowd that , @ @ @ @ @ going to build a private golf course in Pittsburgh , that will only allow rich @ @ @ @ @ Spotlight Magazine reported that Trump told the crowd that he wants to court the poor @ @ @ @ @ he promises that any poor man or woman who votes for him will receive $ @ @ @ @ @ cheered as if they had just seen the first lady totally naked .
After the @ @ @ @ @ with ASM , asked Trump how he planned to pay millions of people the $ @ @ @ @ @ the money would come out of two national funds .
He revealed that half of @ @ @ @ @ the Food Stamp Program , and the other half would come from the Elderly Wives @ @ @ @ @ .

OIL SLICK, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) – President Trump held a campaign rally in Oil Slick, Pennsylvania, home of the largest Preparation H factory in the nation.
POTUS told the mask-less crowd that, when elected, he is going to build a private golf course in Pittsburgh, that will only allow rich Republicans to join.
American Spotlight Magazine reported that Trump told the crowd that he wants to court the poor vote. He commented that he promises that any poor man or woman who votes for him will receive $35 cash.
The crowd cheered as if they had just seen the first lady totally naked.
After the rally, Cutter Shiloh, with ASM, asked Trump how he planned to pay millions of people the $35. He said that the money would come out of two national funds.
He revealed that half of the money would come from the Food Stamp Program, and the other half would come from the Elderly Wives of Vietnam War Veterans Fund.


thespoof--2020-11-02--Global Warming: Man’s Seasonal Depression Worse Every Year

A local man announced on Monday that he feels his seasonal depression gets worse and worse every year , and scientists say this is yet another effect of global warming .
Michael Blackstone , 31 , says that his depression is most severe when daylight savings comes to an end , which usually happens in early November , but that the past few years have been particularly tough .
“ It just seems like it lasts longer every year , ” Blackstone said .
Recent revelations from top scientists have found that extreme changes in seasonal depression are caused by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I had sort of decided that my worsening depression was due to a lack of purpose continually putting more pressure on me as I grow older , worsening my self-image , ” Blackstone said .
“ But then this scientist told me it was actually because of global warming , which makes more sense.
” Dr. Richard Glover of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change detailed his findings .
“ Mr .
Blackstone is a very sad , sensitive little man , ” Glover said .
“ He was doomed even before climate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ depression is the latest result of global warming .
Like rising sea levels and extreme weather , heightened seasonal depression is both dangerous and intensified by human impact .
“ Human activity is definitely worsening Mr. Blackstone ’ s depression , ” Glover said .
“ It ’ s honestly starting to bum me out.
” These findings have been discovered at an important time for climate recovery , as the United States is set to officially leave the Paris Climate Agreement on Wednesday .
It is unlikely that this decision will be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s condition will deteriorate further .

A local man announced on Monday that he feels his seasonal depression gets worse and worse every year, and scientists say this is yet another effect of global warming.
Michael Blackstone, 31, says that his depression is most severe when daylight savings comes to an end, which usually happens in early November, but that the past few years have been particularly tough.
“It just seems like it lasts longer every year,” Blackstone said.
Recent revelations from top scientists have found that extreme changes in seasonal depression are caused by global warming.
“My therapist and I had sort of decided that my worsening depression was due to a lack of purpose continually putting more pressure on me as I grow older, worsening my self-image,” Blackstone said. “But then this scientist told me it was actually because of global warming, which makes more sense.”
Dr. Richard Glover of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change detailed his findings.
“Mr. Blackstone is a very sad, sensitive little man,” Glover said. “He was doomed even before climate change got to him.”
Worsened seasonal depression is the latest result of global warming. Like rising sea levels and extreme weather, heightened seasonal depression is both dangerous and intensified by human impact.
“Human activity is definitely worsening Mr. Blackstone’s depression,” Glover said. “It’s honestly starting to bum me out.”
These findings have been discovered at an important time for climate recovery, as the United States is set to officially leave the Paris Climate Agreement on Wednesday. It is unlikely that this decision will be reversed, which likely means Blackstone’s condition will deteriorate further.


thespoof--2020-11-02--FBI Estimates 31 Million Russians in US

FBI Estimates 31 Million Russians in US

WASHINGTON DC - Early in the 2016 Election Year , US Intelligence Agencies began investigations for Russian influence .
Democrats often blame the Hillary Presidential Election Loss on CIA incompetence .
Initially , the most convincing evidence for Donald Trump acting as an agent of the KGB was a group of Facebook ads costing more than $ 100,000 , which had been financed by Ukrainian troll farms .
Roughly $ 6.8 BILLION had been spent on political campaigns to get into Federal offices .
However , the FBI told Democrats that some `` clever Facebook ads '' destroyed their political @ @ @ @ @ @ @ FBI and NSA announce with deep regrets - `` the CIA really F*CKED us all by not finding a million Russian assets in America . ''
Many anonymous officials in the Intelligence Community believe that `` Build the Wall '' was a complete smoke-screen which had investigators wasting their efforts on the US border with Mexico .
Looking back , the Ukraine scandal consumed too much time of the analysts which MIGHT have found thousands of Russians in Utah , thousands of Russians in Maine , or thousands of Russians in Iowa .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Biden may have EXTREME drug and sex addictions , but when his laptop was declared abandoned and its contents became public knowledge , we said to ourselves - RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION .
Sure , sitting on your laptop while Blackout Drunk could make someone forget where the device was taken for repair , but the lack of evidence contradicting that theory is a HALLMARK of Putin 's KGB Ops . ''
Some say that this year 's Iowa Caucus for Democrats may be an example of the how deeply Russians infiltrated political institutions around @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not found the link between `` state delegate equivalents '' rules , `` recanvas '' processes , and Vladimir Putin in Iowa , Liberal Political Strategists agree that the DNC Cluster-F*ck in February was exactly what a Russian Plot would attempt .
It is POSSIBLE that President Trump withdrew from the Paris Climate Change Agreement in June 2017 as a distraction which allowed Russia to silently manipulate and sabotage Democrat election efforts for more than three years .
Anonymous Whistleblower # 6 : `` Everyone HATES Windows 10 ... but the CIA got @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mind-Control Devices which were Windows 7 compatible went berzerk after the upgrade .
Many Teleprompters had Auto-Correct issues after the Win-10 upgrade , and the results make Joe Biden look completely INSANE ... .
It 's easy to blame the CIA for unreliable and erratic Mind-Control devices causing Joe Biden to mumble and stare blankly into the distance .
However , RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION needs to be the first thing we investigate ...
ALWAYS . ''
If there had only been Facebook Ads in 2016 to ruin the Hillary White House plans , then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the chaos faced by Democrats .
Today , it is clear that MILLIONS are actively spreading RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION .
When video appeared with Nancy Pelosi ( D-California ) at Beauty Salon without wearing a mask - Russia .
When an Apple Computer repair technician exposes Hunter Biden emails and video which suggest corruption and depravity - Russia .
How could Trump gather such large crowds at dozens of events promoting Republican candidates and his Presidency ?
If you are honest , the answer is simple - Thousands of RUSSIAN AGENTS awaiting their orders @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 2020 US Elections were in the `` Primary '' phase , the US Intelligence Agencies considered the possibility of 10 Million Russian Agents secretly engaged in Election Interference .
However , there is too much negative material which implies unethical or criminal behavior by Democrats , and a few million Russians are not enough to create the current level of noise .
Although James Clapper and John Brennan are well-known for perjury and their lies to Congress , they warn Americans that now is the time We Must Trust the CIA more than @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the CIA has published a `` Don't-Believe-Your-Lying-Eyes '' RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION List to help American Voters : • Blame Trump - ( 2016 ) Over $ 1.3 Billion Cash to Iran from Obama • Blame Trump - ( 2017 ) 17 Violations of Civil Rights by FBI during `` Investigations '' • Blame Trump - ( 2020 ) Billions $ $ $ in Damages from ANTIFA/BLM Riots , Looting , and Arson • Blame Trump - ( 2010 ) Russia Gains Control over 20 % US Uranium ( `` Uranium One Deal '' )

WASHINGTON DC - Early in the 2016 Election Year, US Intelligence Agencies began investigations for Russian influence. Democrats often blame the Hillary Presidential Election Loss on CIA incompetence. Initially, the most convincing evidence for Donald Trump acting as an agent of the KGB was a group of Facebook ads costing more than $100,000, which had been financed by Ukrainian troll farms. Roughly $6.8 BILLION had been spent on political campaigns to get into Federal offices. However, the FBI told Democrats that some "clever Facebook ads" destroyed their political aspirations.
RUSSIANS ARE EVERYWHERE
Four years later, the FBI and NSA announce with deep regrets - "the CIA really F*CKED us all by not finding a million Russian assets in America." Many anonymous officials in the Intelligence Community believe that "Build the Wall" was a complete smoke-screen which had investigators wasting their efforts on the US border with Mexico. Looking back, the Ukraine scandal consumed too much time of the analysts which MIGHT have found thousands of Russians in Utah, thousands of Russians in Maine, or thousands of Russians in Iowa.
Anonymous Whistleblower #14: "Hunter Biden may have EXTREME drug and sex addictions, but when his laptop was declared abandoned and its contents became public knowledge, we said to ourselves - RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION. Sure, sitting on your laptop while Blackout Drunk could make someone forget where the device was taken for repair, but the lack of evidence contradicting that theory is a HALLMARK of Putin's KGB Ops."
Some say that this year's Iowa Caucus for Democrats may be an example of the how deeply Russians infiltrated political institutions around the country. While the DOJ has not found the link between "state delegate equivalents" rules, "recanvas" processes, and Vladimir Putin in Iowa, Liberal Political Strategists agree that the DNC Cluster-F*ck in February was exactly what a Russian Plot would attempt. It is POSSIBLE that President Trump withdrew from the Paris Climate Change Agreement in June 2017 as a distraction which allowed Russia to silently manipulate and sabotage Democrat election efforts for more than three years.
Anonymous Whistleblower #6: "Everyone HATES Windows 10 ... but the CIA got hurt more than anyone realized. The Mind-Control Devices which were Windows 7 compatible went berzerk after the upgrade. Many Teleprompters had Auto-Correct issues after the Win-10 upgrade, and the results make Joe Biden look completely INSANE.... It's easy to blame the CIA for unreliable and erratic Mind-Control devices causing Joe Biden to mumble and stare blankly into the distance. However, RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION needs to be the first thing we investigate ... ALWAYS."
If there had only been Facebook Ads in 2016 to ruin the Hillary White House plans, then a thousand Russian KGB Agents might explain the chaos faced by Democrats. Today, it is clear that MILLIONS are actively spreading RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION. When video appeared with Nancy Pelosi (D-California) at Beauty Salon without wearing a mask - Russia. When an Apple Computer repair technician exposes Hunter Biden emails and video which suggest corruption and depravity - Russia. How could Trump gather such large crowds at dozens of events promoting Republican candidates and his Presidency? If you are honest, the answer is simple - Thousands of RUSSIAN AGENTS awaiting their orders from Air Force One.
When the 2020 US Elections were in the "Primary" phase, the US Intelligence Agencies considered the possibility of 10 Million Russian Agents secretly engaged in Election Interference. However, there is too much negative material which implies unethical or criminal behavior by Democrats, and a few million Russians are not enough to create the current level of noise. Although James Clapper and John Brennan are well-known for perjury and their lies to Congress, they warn Americans that now is the time We Must Trust the CIA more than ever.
In an unusual move, the CIA has published a "Don't-Believe-Your-Lying-Eyes" RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION List to help American Voters:
Blame Trump - (2016) Over $1.3 Billion Cash to Iran from Obama
Blame Trump - (2017) 17 Violations of Civil Rights by FBI during "Investigations"
Blame Trump - (2017) Constant "Leaks" of CLASSIFIED Information (CIA/NSA/FBI)
Blame Trump - (2011) Libya and Mideast Civil War after Obama Intervention
Blame Trump - (2015) Hillary Email Server - Illegal Storage of CLASSIFIED Information
Blame Trump - (2020) Billions $$$ in Damages from ANTIFA/BLM Riots, Looting, and Arson
Blame Trump - (2010) Russia Gains Control over 20% US Uranium ("Uranium One Deal")
Blame Trump - (2014) Russian Annex of Crimea (Ukraine)
Blame Trump - (2010) Solyndra and "Green Energy" Bankrupt Stimulus Projects
Blame Trump - (2014) CIA "Inappropriate Searches" on Senate Staff Computers (Brennan)
Related:


thespoof--2020-11-02--President Trump Hatched Mexican Wall Idea After Reading About Hadrian's Wall

As we reach the critical point in the US presidential campaign , and possibly the decline of politics as we know it , it 's been claimed that President Donald Trump first hatched the idea of a 'Mexican Wall ' after first reading a story about Hadrian 's Wall .
Hadrian 's Wall was built by the Romans in 122AD , to keep the Picts out of northern England , the barrier stretching right across the country from the place now known as Wallsend in the east , to the shores of the Solway Firth out west .
Plain old @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back in 2008 , claims he became aware of Hadrian 's Wall after reading about it on the satirical news website , TheSpoof.com .
He claims he immediately imagined building a similar construction all along America 's southern border with Mexico .
And so it came to pass .
Dealing with the problem of 'illegal ' immigration from Mexico like an ancient Roman Emperor , Trump had his orders carried out at massive expense to the American taxpayer , and there it now stands , stretching across the country , almost 2,000 miles @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , in northeastern England , local resident Adrian Swall said : '' It 's a bloody eyesore , but at least it 's only 73 miles long ! ''

As we reach the critical point in the US presidential campaign, and possibly the decline of politics as we know it, it's been claimed that President Donald Trump first hatched the idea of a 'Mexican Wall' after first reading a story about Hadrian's Wall.
Hadrian's Wall was built by the Romans in 122AD, to keep the Picts out of northern England, the barrier stretching right across the country from the place now known as Wallsend in the east, to the shores of the Solway Firth out west.
Plain old Donald Trump, as he was way back in 2008, claims he became aware of Hadrian's Wall after reading about it on the satirical news website, TheSpoof.com. He claims he immediately imagined building a similar construction all along America's southern border with Mexico.
And so it came to pass.
Dealing with the problem of 'illegal' immigration from Mexico like an ancient Roman Emperor, Trump had his orders carried out at massive expense to the American taxpayer, and there it now stands, stretching across the country, almost 2,000 miles of useless fencing.
Speaking from Wallsend, in northeastern England, local resident Adrian Swall said:
"It's a bloody eyesore, but at least it's only 73 miles long!"


thespoof--2020-11-02--President Trump Wants All The Black People To Know He Donated $17 Million to The Black Lives Matter

President Trump Wants All The Black People To Know He Donated $17 Million to The Black Lives Matter Boys Basketball Fund

CORN SHUCK , Iowa – ( Satire News ) – President Trump , hot on his Campaign of Hate Tour , spoke before a paltry crowd of 92 people in Corn Shuck , Iowa , home of nothing but cornfields and corn farmers .
He told the audience that corn is his most favorite of all of the four food groups , just ahead of Big Macs .
The President said that he has never felt better , and he is probably the healthiest , slenderest , and most handsome of any president in history .
He then commented that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Iowa ( estimated to be about 307 ) to know that he has just donated $ 17 million to the Black Lives Matter Boys Basetball Fund .
POTUS said that black rappers Ice Cube , Lil Wayne , and Black Kitty Meow Meow , have said that Trump will do more for the blacks than even the great Abraham Lincoln did .
Lil Wayne texted Trump and told him that he has written a rap song about him titled “ Trump , The White Brutha , He Got The Rhythm Like Beyonce Be @ @ @ @

CORN SHUCK, Iowa – (Satire News) – President Trump, hot on his Campaign of Hate Tour, spoke before a paltry crowd of 92 people in Corn Shuck, Iowa, home of nothing but cornfields and corn farmers.
He told the audience that corn is his most favorite of all of the four food groups, just ahead of Big Macs.
The President said that he has never felt better, and he is probably the healthiest, slenderest, and most handsome of any president in history.
He then commented that he wanted all of the blacks in Iowa (estimated to be about 307) to know that he has just donated $17 million to the Black Lives Matter Boys Basetball Fund.
POTUS said that black rappers Ice Cube, Lil Wayne, and Black Kitty Meow Meow, have said that Trump will do more for the blacks than even the great Abraham Lincoln did.
Lil Wayne texted Trump and told him that he has written a rap song about him titled “Trump, The White Brutha, He Got The Rhythm Like Beyonce Be Havin’”.


thespoof--2020-11-02--Trump To Declare Victory Election Night

Trump To Declare Victory Election Night

Donald Trump , the national screw up , plans to declare victory on election night even before the total number of votes are counted .
Networks are planning to go black if he attempts this , or to continue with their round table discussions , ignoring Trump 's premature announcement .
Afterward , when the true numbers and the winner is announced , Trump can claim the election was stolen .
“ Did you see that ?
I already had it in the bag , and they took it away from me.
” This will produce a civil war in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will call in the national guard , declare a freeze on the inauguration , until things are settled , and maybe in a few months , his Supreme Court will decide to keep things as is .
The true vote count was lost somehow , and besides , Trump already knows how all the light switches work in the White House .
Or Biden will declare victory as soon as he reaches 270 electoral votes .
Order the military to be posted at every doorway in the White House until January 20th , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump , fumigate the White House on January 19 , along with Air Force One , and begin restoring the Jackie Kennedy Rose Garden .
Finally , the great moment when Trump takes the escalator going back up to where he came from , and closing the book on his nightmarish four-year occupancy of the White House .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump, the national screw up, plans to declare victory on election night even before the total number of votes are counted. Networks are planning to go black if he attempts this, or to continue with their round table discussions, ignoring Trump's premature announcement.
Afterward, when the true numbers and the winner is announced, Trump can claim the election was stolen. “Did you see that? I already had it in the bag, and they took it away from me.”
This will produce a civil war in the streets among Trump supporters. Trump will call in the national guard, declare a freeze on the inauguration, until things are settled, and maybe in a few months, his Supreme Court will decide to keep things as is. The true vote count was lost somehow, and besides, Trump already knows how all the light switches work in the White House.
Or Biden will declare victory as soon as he reaches 270 electoral votes. Order the military to be posted at every doorway in the White House until January 20th, no more gruesome Christmas decorations by Melania Trump, fumigate the White House on January 19, along with Air Force One, and begin restoring the Jackie Kennedy Rose Garden.
Finally, the great moment when Trump takes the escalator going back up to where he came from, and closing the book on his nightmarish four-year occupancy of the White House.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-02--Vice-President Mike Pence Confesses That Even if Trump Wins, He is Going to Retire

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – According to GOPicky Magazine , Vice-President Mike Pence has commented that @ @ @ @ @ with the mean , racist , hate-filled rhetoric of President Trump , that he plans @ @ @ @ @ Trump wins .
Cahoots Wyoming , with GOPicky , said that Pence wants to try @ @ @ @ @ evangelical ways , and stop breaking so many of the Ten Commandments , like his @ @ @ @ @ times a day .
When asked if he had talked to the President about his @ @ @ @ @ man said “ Hell , know , I want to talk to him face-to-face , @ @ @ @ @ at the damn friggin ’ golf course.
” Wyoming added that Pence also mentioned that @ @ @ @ @ high political position , women are always hitting on him , and he does not @ @ @ @ @ this wife , Karen “ Lips ” Pence , of course .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – According to GOPicky Magazine, Vice-President Mike Pence has commented that he is so fed up with the mean, racist, hate-filled rhetoric of President Trump, that he plans to retire - even if Trump wins.
Cahoots Wyoming, with GOPicky, said that Pence wants to try and get back to his evangelical ways, and stop breaking so many of the Ten Commandments, like his boss does at least 17 times a day.
When asked if he had talked to the President about his decision, the supposedly religious man said “Hell, know, I want to talk to him face-to-face, but he’s always at the damn friggin’ golf course.”
Wyoming added that Pence also mentioned that, being in such a high political position, women are always hitting on him, and he does not like women; except for this wife, Karen “Lips” Pence, of course.


thespoof--2020-10-31--Mr Burns Guide to Lockdown

Mr Burns Guide to Lockdown

Hello there everyone , You know me as Mr Burns from the televisual documentary The Simpsons , owner of the @ @ @ @ @ to Homer , Lenny , and Carl , avoider of Bart , collector of Dalmation @ @ @ @ @ interest of Smithers .
Who are you ?
Anyway , I am an exceedingly rich @ @ @ @ @ town , so I have coped with Lockdown quite well , thank you very much @ @ @ @ @ the workers are feeling the pinch at the moment , but that can not be @ @ @ @ @ I know I could help them , but what good would that do ?
I @ @ @ @ @ lack of ambition , can I ?
They should have worked harder at school .

Hello there everyone,
You know me as Mr Burns from the televisual documentary The Simpsons, owner of the Nuclear Power Plant, boss to Homer, Lenny, and Carl, avoider of Bart, collector of Dalmation fur, and unrequited love interest of Smithers.
Who are you?
Anyway, I am an exceedingly rich, and well-respected man about town, so I have coped with Lockdown quite well, thank you very much. Obviously, all of the workers are feeling the pinch at the moment, but that cannot be helped. I mean, I know I could help them, but what good would that do?
I really cannot subsidise their lack of ambition, can I? They should have worked harder at school.
Anyway, toodlepip you suckers.


thespoof--2020-11-05--Sleepy Joe Biden Celebrates Election Victory With A Snooze

It might not have been the most ecstatic way to have celebrated a presidential election victory , but Joe Biden knows what he likes , and the new US president took it all in his stride , waved away delirious Democrat party revellers , and settled down in an armchair for forty winks .
Sleepy Joe , as he is known , due to his liking for sleep , had just wiped the floor with the former White House incumbent , Donald Trump , whose name the country will now try very hard to forget , though this might not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ news of the final votes came in .
He tottered to an armchair , sighed a couple of times , and allowed his heavy eyelids to slowly close on his tired eyes .
He nestled in the chair , nodded to himself for a few moments , then drifted off to the Land of Nod .
Once there , he dreamt about princesses and unicorns , a castle , fairies with magic wands , and fluffy pink clouds with rainbows dancing in the sky .
Birds chirped , their sweet melodies filling the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ color filled a garden where a trickling sound could be heard , as a fountain spouted water , which gently fell like rain into a pond covered by lillies .
Everything was perfect .
Only a single , solitary figure soiled the image ; an orange man standing on a small arched footbridge over a babbling brook ; a man in a blue suit and a red tie , waving a golf club and shouting : `` Fake news ! ''
Biden woke up , and realized that it had all been a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

It might not have been the most ecstatic way to have celebrated a presidential election victory, but Joe Biden knows what he likes, and the new US president took it all in his stride, waved away delirious Democrat party revellers, and settled down in an armchair for forty winks.
Sleepy Joe, as he is known, due to his liking for sleep, had just wiped the floor with the former White House incumbent, Donald Trump, whose name the country will now try very hard to forget, though this might not be easy.
Biden looked exhausted as news of the final votes came in. He tottered to an armchair, sighed a couple of times, and allowed his heavy eyelids to slowly close on his tired eyes.
He nestled in the chair, nodded to himself for a few moments, then drifted off to the Land of Nod. Once there, he dreamt about princesses and unicorns, a castle, fairies with magic wands, and fluffy pink clouds with rainbows dancing in the sky. Birds chirped, their sweet melodies filling the air. Beautiful scented flowers of every color filled a garden where a trickling sound could be heard, as a fountain spouted water, which gently fell like rain into a pond covered by lillies. Everything was perfect.
Only a single, solitary figure soiled the image; an orange man standing on a small arched footbridge over a babbling brook; a man in a blue suit and a red tie, waving a golf club and shouting: "Fake news!"
Biden woke up, and realized that it had all been a dream.
Then he nodded off again.


thespoof--2020-11-04--Trump sues Democrat voters for not voting for him

The state of Pennsylvania , home of the Amish and birthplace of the pencil , was in the news today as it proved to be a crucial battleground in the US election .
President Trump was ahead in early voting , but as early ballots and mail-in votes came in - primarily from Democrat-leaning cities - his lead began to reduce .
`` FRAUD ! ''
tweeted Trump , apparently not understanding the concept of vote counting .
He had earlier declared victory in a pathetic attempt at a coup , when neither candidate was anywhere close to winning the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ legal proceedings to stop any further vote counting in Pennsylvania , while simultaneously suing the state of Arizona to ensure it does n't declare until all its votes are counted .
`` It 's easy to see what he 's up to , '' said a member of Joe Biden 's campaign team .
`` Trying to fool us all into believing that Biden died when we all know he is n't dead yet .
We have n't been wheeling around his corpse for the last month like in Weekend at Bernie 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ worried by Trump 's threats of legal action , until they learned that the litigators being sent to Pennsylvania were Rudy Guiliani and Eric Trump .

The state of Pennsylvania, home of the Amish and birthplace of the pencil, was in the news today as it proved to be a crucial battleground in the US election. President Trump was ahead in early voting, but as early ballots and mail-in votes came in - primarily from Democrat-leaning cities - his lead began to reduce.
"FRAUD!" tweeted Trump, apparently not understanding the concept of vote counting. He had earlier declared victory in a pathetic attempt at a coup, when neither candidate was anywhere close to winning the presidency.
The US President has begun legal proceedings to stop any further vote counting in Pennsylvania, while simultaneously suing the state of Arizona to ensure it doesn't declare until all its votes are counted.
"It's easy to see what he's up to," said a member of Joe Biden's campaign team. "Trying to fool us all into believing that Biden died when we all know he isn't dead yet. We haven't been wheeling around his corpse for the last month like in Weekend at Bernie's."
The Biden campaign were initially worried by Trump's threats of legal action, until they learned that the litigators being sent to Pennsylvania were Rudy Guiliani and Eric Trump.


thespoof--2020-11-04--Late sweep by US Postal Service credited with Mondale 2020 victory

The intensive late push by the US Postal Service to leave `` no stone unturned '' in their search for @ @ @ @ @ for the surprise Walter Mondale victory in the 2020 American Presidential election .
The effort @ @ @ @ @ carriers to find and deliver all mail to election officials before Tuesday 's deadline , @ @ @ @ @ ballots cast in 1984 .
Millions of ballots were reported found in facilities such as @ @ @ @ @ old mail trucks , and little-used storage sheds .
`` I even found ballots in @ @ @ @ @ '' said smiling postal worker Scooter `` Dick '' Hertz on CNN .
Mondale , @ @ @ @ @ favored incumbent Ronald Reagan , was apparently surprised at the outcome , and had neither @ @ @ @ @ prepared .
When contacted at his retirement residence in St. Paul , Minnesota , the @ @ @ @ @ the 1980-82 recession and a tough stance against the Soviet Union as his top priorities @

The intensive late push by the US Postal Service to leave "no stone unturned" in their search for mail-in ballots is considered responsible for the surprise Walter Mondale victory in the 2020 American Presidential election.
The effort by mail sorters and letter carriers to find and deliver all mail to election officials before Tuesday's deadline, uncovered a record 70 million ballots cast in 1984. Millions of ballots were reported found in facilities such as abandoned Postal Service warehouses, old mail trucks, and little-used storage sheds.
"I even found ballots in my old hockey bag," said smiling postal worker Scooter "Dick" Hertz on CNN.
Mondale, the Democratic opponent of heavily favored incumbent Ronald Reagan, was apparently surprised at the outcome, and had neither a victory nor concession speech prepared.
When contacted at his retirement residence in St. Paul, Minnesota, the 92-year-old promised a recovery from the 1980-82 recession and a tough stance against the Soviet Union as his top priorities.


thespoof--2020-11-04--A Highly Reputable News Agency is Reporting That At Least 2.9 Million Cubans Living Illegally in Flo

A Highly Reputable News Agency is Reporting That At Least 2.9 Million Cubans Living Illegally in Florida Voted For Trump

TALLAHASSEE , Florida – ( Satire News ) – The iRumors News Agency has found out that 2.9 million of @ @ @ @ @ in the Plywood State were cast by Cubans , who are living in the United @ @ @ @ @ stated that most of the illegals live in Miami ’ s Fidel Castro neighborhood , @ @ @ @ @ estimates to be made up of about 91.7 % Cubans who are classified as illegal @ @ @ @ @ have been deported a year ago .
One Cuban voter told a reporter with iRumors @ @ @ @ @ a Trump campaign worker that he is entitled to vote , because he has an @ @ @ @ @ ’ s never drunk beer , and he ’ s never dabbled in cocaine or @ @

TALLAHASSEE, Florida – (Satire News) – The iRumors News Agency has found out that 2.9 million of the votes cast for Trump in the Plywood State were cast by Cubans, who are living in the United States illegally.
The agency stated that most of the illegals live in Miami’s Fidel Castro neighborhood, which the Miami Police Department estimates to be made up of about 91.7% Cubans who are classified as illegal aliens, and who should have been deported a year ago.
One Cuban voter told a reporter with iRumors that he was told by a Trump campaign worker that he is entitled to vote, because he has an IQ of 38, he’s never drunk beer, and he’s never dabbled in cocaine or heroin.


thespoof--2020-11-04--Donald Trump Says He Will Be Signing a Presidential Executive Order Disqualifying All of The Votes C

Donald Trump Says He Will Be Signing a Presidential Executive Order Disqualifying All of The Votes Cast in California and New York

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – According to the Vox Populi News Agency , Trump says that @ @ @ @ @ in California and New York state will be nullified .
He stated that he has @ @ @ @ @ and found that voters in both states were marking their ballots with blue ink instead @ @ @ @ @ .
He was quick to point out that the fact both states voted overwhelmingly for @ @ @ @ @ to do with his decision .
POTUS made it abundantly clear that he has always @ @ @ @ @ balanced with everyone , even with black people , who mostly voted for Biden .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – According to the Vox Populi News Agency, Trump says that every vote that was cast in California and New York state will be nullified.
He stated that he has personally investigated the situation, and found that voters in both states were marking their ballots with blue ink instead of the mandatory black ink.
He was quick to point out that the fact both states voted overwhelmingly for Joe Biden had absolutely nothing to do with his decision.
POTUS made it abundantly clear that he has always believed in being fair and balanced with everyone, even with black people, who mostly voted for Biden.


thespoof--2020-11-04--Judgemental Old Men in Red Hats

Judgemental Old Men in Red Hats

As winter is extending its dread grasp through the year , it is time to think of two old judgemental @ @ @ @ @ That 's right , Donald Trump and Santa Claus .
One is very rich , @ @ @ @ @ his father was a very rich man , the other goes into people 's houses @ @ @ @ @ present at the bottom of a tree .
Donald Trump has a list .
It @ @ @ @ @ of people that have been naughty .
Strangely , neither his name , Boris Johnson @ @ @ @ @ Putin have appeared on it , and they have all done far worse than the @ @ @ @ @ will be hopping out all over the world on Christmas Eve , delivering festive charms @ @ @ @ @ , and then self-isolating for the next 11 months .

As winter is extending its dread grasp through the year, it is time to think of two old judgemental men in red hats.
That's right, Donald Trump and Santa Claus. One is very rich, due to the fact that his father was a very rich man, the other goes into people's houses, and leaves a nice present at the bottom of a tree.
Donald Trump has a list. It is full of the names of people that have been naughty. Strangely, neither his name, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage or Vladamir Putin have appeared on it, and they have all done far worse than the average child.
Santa Claus will be hopping out all over the world on Christmas Eve, delivering festive charms and gifts to complete strangers, and then self-isolating for the next 11 months.


Trump Has Won!

In an incredible turnaround in fortunes in the 2020 race to the White House , it 's just been announced in the last few minutes , that against all prior expectations , and in contrast to all of the expert opinions expressed by political pundits , President Donald Trump has come out in front of his rival , Joe Biden , and will retain the presidency for another four years .
Not really .
Just kidding .
Trump , the most incompetent human ever to be asked to lead the United States of America was beaten comprehensively by Mr. Biden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he packs his possessions into boxes , as a van waits at the back of the White House .
Trump leaves office with a catalog of disasters too numerous to mention behind him , and wo n't be forgotten in a long while .
Earlier fake news that suggested he was running neck-and-neck with his rival resulted in gunshops across the country being besieged by people buying high-piwered rifles with telescopic sights , as the beleaguered nation faced up to another four years of catastrophic leadership .
In the end , though , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , what passes for sense in the mixed-up , muddled world of politics in the United States .

In an incredible turnaround in fortunes in the 2020 race to the White House, it's just been announced in the last few minutes, that against all prior expectations, and in contrast to all of the expert opinions expressed by political pundits, President Donald Trump has come out in front of his rival, Joe Biden, and will retain the presidency for another four years.
Not really. Just kidding.
Trump, the most incompetent human ever to be asked to lead the United States of America was beaten comprehensively by Mr. Biden, and is currently being monitored as he packs his possessions into boxes, as a van waits at the back of the White House.
Mr. Trump's wife, Melania, left earlier with two plastic bags.
Trump leaves office with a catalog of disasters too numerous to mention behind him, and won't be forgotten in a long while.
Earlier fake news that suggested he was running neck-and-neck with his rival resulted in gunshops across the country being besieged by people buying high-piwered rifles with telescopic sights, as the beleaguered nation faced up to another four years of catastrophic leadership.
In the end, though, sense prevailed, or, at least, what passes for sense in the mixed-up, muddled world of politics in the United States.


thespoof--2020-11-03--Biden replaces himself with Fauci as candidate for the presidency

“ As soon as I lit that rocket , I knew it had to soar further , ” Mr. Biden said , right after closing a rally in Ohio .
He had just told fans at the rally that he would “ hire Mr. Fauci and fire Mr. Trump.
” Then came his further brainstorm .
Controversial here is what MSM labels “ science over the status quo ” , meaning it considers Mr. Fauci ultimate in expertise , and should not be fired .
But the President 's new advisor , Dr. Scott Atlas , differs with Fauci , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ A medical doctor and scientist from Stanford University , Dr. Atlas maintains the problem has been exaggerated .
Then , at one of his last rallies , Mr. Trump replied to shouts of “ Fire Fauci ” with , “ Do n't tell anybody , but let me wait until after the election.
” This new maneuver for the Democrats calls upon an obscure subsection to the 25th amendment .
“ Up to the last minute , nay , the last second before midnight November 3 , the candidate may , with all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ case of odious developments , replace himself with some other person most suitable 'to save the country ! '
” ( Historians believe this stipulation comes from John Adams and Thomas Jefferson .
They did not use the term , “ maneuver.
” ) Amendment 25 is otherwise famous as one of Ms. Pelosi 's pet projects to remove Mr. Trump as “ unfit ( plus likely deranged beyond your wildest dreams ) for the office . ''
So far , all efforts by the Democratic Party to dump , vilify , scold @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ presidential moron from hell ” have not succeeded in removing him .
“ Now , look , ” Mr. Biden told reporters during his breathtaking break-through that Fauci should become the president to lead the nation .
“ This has nothing to do with all the ridiculous scandal over my son and me , okay ?
I know you 're about to hurl that at me , and say that I am side-stepping to get out of it !
” “ Not at all , not at all !
” “ In @ @ @ @ @ @ @ let me say I would appreciate a position within the Fauci Administration , along with advising him to stay clear of Sanders and Elizabeth Warren !
” “ I could take Supervisor of Masks maybe , ” the former VP said .
Mr. Fauci has been reported stunned by this turn of events , but more than willing to assume the responsibility , “ as the crowning moment of my career and cooperation with the pharmaceutical industry .
”

“As soon as I lit that rocket, I knew it had to soar further,” Mr. Biden said, right after closing a rally in Ohio.
He had just told fans at the rally that he would “hire Mr. Fauci and fire Mr. Trump.”
Then came his further brainstorm.
Controversial here is what MSM labels “science over the status quo”, meaning it considers Mr. Fauci ultimate in expertise, and should not be fired.
But the President's new advisor, Dr. Scott Atlas, differs with Fauci, and supports opening up America again.
A medical doctor and scientist from Stanford University, Dr. Atlas maintains the problem has been exaggerated.
Then, at one of his last rallies, Mr. Trump replied to shouts of “Fire Fauci” with, “Don't tell anybody, but let me wait until after the election.”
This new maneuver for the Democrats calls upon an obscure subsection to the 25th amendment.
To wit:
“Up to the last minute, nay, the last second before midnight November 3, the candidate may, with all due discretion, self-sacrifice, and in case of odious developments, replace himself with some other person most suitable 'to save the country!'”
(Historians believe this stipulation comes from John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. They did not use the term, “maneuver.”)
Amendment 25 is otherwise famous as one of Ms. Pelosi's pet projects to remove Mr. Trump as “unfit (plus likely deranged beyond your wildest dreams) for the office."
So far, all efforts by the Democratic Party to dump, vilify, scold, and generally view Trump as the “presidential moron from hell” have not succeeded in removing him.
“Now, look,” Mr. Biden told reporters during his breathtaking break-through that Fauci should become the president to lead the nation.
“This has nothing to do with all the ridiculous scandal over my son and me, okay? I know you're about to hurl that at me, and say that I am side-stepping to get out of it!”
“Not at all, not at all!”
“In fact, along with Hillary Clinton, let me say I would appreciate a position within the Fauci Administration, along with advising him to stay clear of Sanders and Elizabeth Warren!”
“I could take Supervisor of Masks maybe,” the former VP said.
Mr. Fauci has been reported stunned by this turn of events, but more than willing to assume the responsibility, “as the crowning moment of my career and cooperation with the pharmaceutical industry.”


thespoof--2020-11-03--Many News Agencies Are Reporting That Most of The White House Staff Members Are Already Starting to

Many News Agencies Are Reporting That Most of The White House Staff Members Are Already Starting to Pack

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Many of the nation 's news agencies are saying that most of President Trump ’ s staff are clearly seeing the writing on the wall , and are already starting to pack .
They say the staffers want to get ahead of the let ’ s vamoose rush , and some are starting to take ashtrays , towels , utensils , and toilet paper .
iRumors is even reporting that Hope Hicks , who many regard as the President ’ s girlfriend , has said that she has already packed most @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , blouses , bras , panties , and sex toys , and the dozen-or-so boxes are stacked in her White House bedroom .
Meanwhile , the President is insisting that many of the mailed-in ballots are post-marked ; Kenya , Guatemala , Mozambique , and Pisagovia .
He told Tucker “ Creepy Eyes ” Carlson that he is going to have the Supreme Court decide the outcome of the election , since that is the only sure-fire way that he will definitely win , even if he loses the popular vote and the @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Many of the nation's news agencies are saying that most of President Trump’s staff are clearly seeing the writing on the wall, and are already starting to pack.
They say the staffers want to get ahead of the let’s vamoose rush, and some are starting to take ashtrays, towels, utensils, and toilet paper.
iRumors is even reporting that Hope Hicks, who many regard as the President’s girlfriend, has said that she has already packed most of her shoes, dresses, skirts, blouses, bras, panties, and sex toys, and the dozen-or-so boxes are stacked in her White House bedroom.
Meanwhile, the President is insisting that many of the mailed-in ballots are post-marked; Kenya, Guatemala, Mozambique, and Pisagovia.
He told Tucker “Creepy Eyes” Carlson that he is going to have the Supreme Court decide the outcome of the election, since that is the only sure-fire way that he will definitely win, even if he loses the popular vote and the Electoral College vote.


thespoof--2020-11-03--Every Presidential Poll Shows That President Trump’s Ass is Toast

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Most of the reputable US political polls are showing that President @ @ @ @ @ toast , to use a popular southern cooking term .
The Quintessential Poll , one @ @ @ @ @ n the nation , is going as far as to state that former White House @ @ @ @ @ ” Huckabee has a better chance of becoming anorexic than Trump has of being re-elected @ @ @ @ @ s personal attorney , Bill “ The Pill ” Barr , is investigating an allegation @ @ @ @ @ Bezos , reportedly told all of his 27 million employees that , if they vote @ @ @ @ @ give each one a $ 5,000 Christmas bonus .
One long time Amazon employee reportedly @ @ @ @ @ for $ 5,000 , I ’ d even vote for Biden over my grandmother , @ @ @ @ @ me and my nine siblings , all by herself .
”

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Most of the reputable US political polls are showing that President Trump’s ass is toast, to use a popular southern cooking term.
The Quintessential Poll, one of the most reputable polls n the nation, is going as far as to state that former White House press secretary Sarah “Tubby” Huckabee has a better chance of becoming anorexic than Trump has of being re-elected.
Meanwhile, Trump’s personal attorney, Bill “The Pill” Barr, is investigating an allegation that Amazon owner, Jeff Bezos, reportedly told all of his 27 million employees that, if they vote for Biden, he will give each one a $5,000 Christmas bonus.
One long time Amazon employee reportedly said, “Hell, for $5,000, I’d even vote for Biden over my grandmother, a 300-pound woman who raised me and my nine siblings, all by herself.”


thespoof--2020-11-03--Trump To Declare Victory Moment He’s One Vote Ahead

It has been made clear ( by Donald Trump ) that Donald Trump is planning to declare victory as soon as he is one vote ahead in the count on November 3rd .
That could happen well before the polls close in California and before the votes are certified .
Say after the first half of a football game ; the San Francisco 49er ’ s are ahead .
The 49er ’ s declare victory and go home .
Wait , what happened to the second half ?
Gone .
Bat-shit crazy ?
Yes , but that is Donald Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his hand-picked Supreme Court majority to back him up .
A little preposterous ?
`` There were also some good Nazis . ''
When a Trump buddy nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize ( don ’ t laugh or gag ) though Trump did not win the prize , it is amazing Trump didn ’ t declare himself the winner , have a White House ceremony in the Rose Garden , and present himself with the Prize .
This time the do nothing occupant of the White House , who allowed a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ attempting to rewrite the Constitution , and retain occupancy of the White House .
A voter from Pennsylvania who wishes to remain anonymous said , “ I want to apologize to the world .
I feel so guilty for having a part in voting this moron in.
” Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

It has been made clear (by Donald Trump) that Donald Trump is planning to declare victory as soon as he is one vote ahead in the count on November 3rd. That could happen well before the polls close in California and before the votes are certified.
Say after the first half of a football game; the San Francisco 49er’s are ahead. The 49er’s declare victory and go home. Wait, what happened to the second half? Gone.
Bat-shit crazy? Yes, but that is Donald Trump’s reasoning. And he has his hand-picked Supreme Court majority to back him up. A little preposterous? "There were also some good Nazis."
Got it!
When a Trump buddy nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize (don’t laugh or gag) though Trump did not win the prize, it is amazing Trump didn’t declare himself the winner, have a White House ceremony in the Rose Garden, and present himself with the Prize.
This time the do nothing occupant of the White House, who allowed a pandemic to ravage the nation, is attempting to rewrite the Constitution, and retain occupancy of the White House.
A voter from Pennsylvania who wishes to remain anonymous said, “I want to apologize to the world. I feel so guilty for having a part in voting this moron in.”
Got it!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-04--Melania Trump Says Her Husband “Borrowed” Millions of Dollars Worth of Paintings From the Smithsonia

Melania Trump Says Her Husband “Borrowed” Millions of Dollars Worth of Paintings From the Smithsonian Museum

BALTIMORE – ( Satire News ) – The first lady traveled to Baltimore to promote her “ Be Best ” @ @ @ @ @ much become non-existent of late .
Melania has flat-out refused the advice of Ivanka Trump @ @ @ @ @ Scott Baio , about changing the messed-up name “ Be Best ” to the proper @ @ @ @ @ Be The Best ” .
The first lady accidentally let it slip to the press @ @ @ @ @ millions of dollars ' worth of paintings , from the Smithsonian Museum , and they @ @ @ @ @ General Stonewall Jackson Commemorative Bedroom .
Regarding the “ Be Best ” program , Melania @ @ @ @ @ White House cooks who told her that she graduated from Harvard with a degree in @ @ @ @ @ name “ Be Best ” conveys a lack of even the most minute education .
@ @ @ @ @ cook is now applying for unemployment benefits .

BALTIMORE – (Satire News) – The first lady traveled to Baltimore to promote her “Be Best” program, which has pretty much become non-existent of late.
Melania has flat-out refused the advice of Ivanka Trump, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Scott Baio, about changing the messed-up name “Be Best” to the proper, more correct, “Be The Best”.
The first lady accidentally let it slip to the press, that the President borrowed millions of dollars' worth of paintings, from the Smithsonian Museum, and they're all sitting in the General Stonewall Jackson Commemorative Bedroom.
Regarding the “Be Best” program, Melania actually fired one of the White House cooks who told her that she graduated from Harvard with a degree in Festive Desserts, and the name “Be Best” conveys a lack of even the most minute education.
TMZ is reporting that the cook is now applying for unemployment benefits.


thespoof--2020-11-03--A White House Insider Says He Heard Melania Tell Her Husband Not to Be a Pussy – If You Lose, You Lo

A White House Insider Says He Heard Melania Tell Her Husband Not to Be a Pussy – If You Lose, You Lose

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Vox Populi is reporting that an inside Trump assistant overheard the @ @ @ @ @ not to be a pussy when he loses .
Melania went on to say that @ @ @ @ @ his shit , and now , when America speaks and Biden kicks his orange ass @ @ @ @ @ way to grow some balls and take it like the man that he has never @ @ @ @ @ that even the President ’ s pride and joy , Ivanka , the White House @ @ @ @ @ her brothers Goofy and Drugy that they better start packing , so the Trump Klan @ @ @ @ @ to Manhattan , where they effen belong .
Meanwhile , Trump told “ Puppet Boy @ @ @ @ @ he loses , he is going to blame it on LeBron James , Robert De @ @ @ @ @ Anthony Scaramucci , Colin Kaepernick , and the Golden State Warriors .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Vox Populi is reporting that an inside Trump assistant overheard the first lady telling the President not to be a pussy when he loses.
Melania went on to say that he has loved dishing out his shit, and now, when America speaks and Biden kicks his orange ass, he better find a way to grow some balls and take it like the man that he has never been.
Vox Populi commented that even the President’s pride and joy, Ivanka, the White House middle-aged Barbie, has told her brothers Goofy and Drugy that they better start packing, so the Trump Klan can head on back north to Manhattan, where they effen belong.
Meanwhile, Trump told “Puppet Boy” Sean Hannity that if he loses, he is going to blame it on LeBron James, Robert De Niro, Kathy Griffin, Anthony Scaramucci, Colin Kaepernick, and the Golden State Warriors.


thespoof--2020-11-03--Melania’s Parents Have Said That Their Daughter is Thrilled-as-Hell That She’ll Be Moving Back To Sl

Melania’s Parents Have Said That Their Daughter is Thrilled-as-Hell That She’ll Be Moving Back To Slovenia in January

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The wonderful parents of the not-so-wonderful first lady are ecstatic at @ @ @ @ @ ( and grandson , Barron ) will soon be moving to their beloved Slovenia .
@ @ @ @ @ and Amalija Knavs , [ the last name is pronounced : KER-SHAW ] haven ’ @ @ @ @ @ this happy since the President went to Scotland to play golf for ten days , @ @ @ @ @ The first lady ’ s step-daughter , aka the worthless Ivanka , is commenting that @ @ @ @ @ her daddy ’ s wife singing old traditional Slovenian fox hunting songs .
TMZ reported @ @ @ @ @ was asked what he thought about his dad losing the election , he replied that @ @ @ @ @ happy little dude , because he ’ ll be so glad to leave the White @ @ @ @ @ the D.C. sanitary landfill .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The wonderful parents of the not-so-wonderful first lady are ecstatic at the fact that their daughter (and grandson, Barron) will soon be moving to their beloved Slovenia.
Melania’s parents Viktor and Amalija Knavs, [the last name is pronounced: KER-SHAW] haven’t seen their 50-year-old daughter this happy since the President went to Scotland to play golf for ten days, and Melania stayed behind.
The first lady’s step-daughter, aka the worthless Ivanka, is commenting that she is starting to hear her daddy’s wife singing old traditional Slovenian fox hunting songs.
TMZ reported that when her son Barron was asked what he thought about his dad losing the election, he replied that it would make him one happy little dude, because he’ll be so glad to leave the White House, which he calls the D.C. sanitary landfill.


thespoof--2020-11-02--Florida To Use Monkeys As Poll Workers

Florida To Use Monkeys As Poll Workers

Florida governor , Ron DeSantis , has announced election day poll workers will all be monkeys .
The governor chose monkeys because of their reliability in handing out ballots to registered voters , due to their relatively small hands .
Each polling place will have at least 20 monkeys working on site .
The venues will contain a wide diversity of species of monkeys , from mandrill to white faced saki .
Studies performed by Primate Research Organization ( PRO ) have concluded that people react more favorably to monkeys than human beings , due to the monkey 's low @ @ @ @ @ @ @ upon anyone because of their small size , ” started DeSantis .
“ They know how to hand out ballots and how to work the voting machines , which happens to be all they know .
So , if you need help with the machines , just shout out “ Monkey ’ s uncle ” , and a monkey will come and assist you.
” “ Monkey are also cheap .
You only need a bunch of bananas to get them to work for you .
All monkeys will be wearing red pants @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the name 'Clarence ' on them .
All monkeys are named Clarence.
” As of press time , the monkeys were organizing a strike due to the lack of trees at the polling places .

Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, has announced election day poll workers will all be monkeys. The governor chose monkeys because of their reliability in handing out ballots to registered voters, due to their relatively small hands. Each polling place will have at least 20 monkeys working on site.
The venues will contain a wide diversity of species of monkeys, from mandrill to white faced saki.
Studies performed by Primate Research Organization (PRO) have concluded that people react more favorably to monkeys than human beings, due to the monkey's low IQ.
“Monkeys never look down upon anyone because of their small size,” started DeSantis. “They know how to hand out ballots and how to work the voting machines, which happens to be all they know. So, if you need help with the machines, just shout out “Monkey’s uncle”, and a monkey will come and assist you.”
“Monkey are also cheap. You only need a bunch of bananas to get them to work for you. All monkeys will be wearing red pants and white shirts with name tags, with the name 'Clarence' on them. All monkeys are named Clarence.”
As of press time, the monkeys were organizing a strike due to the lack of trees at the polling places.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Man Is Uninterested In Presidential Election Result

A man who has no interest in , or understanding of , politics has revealed how uninterested he is in the outcome of the 2020 US presidential election being so closely contended by President Trump and his bitter rival , Sir Jose Biden .
Moys Kenwood , 57 , said that he cared about as much about the election result and whether Trump or Biden finished in front , as he does about whether or not Monica Lewinsky was able to get that stain off her dress .
Or whether George Washington had 53 slaves or 153 slaves .
Or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he had seen headlines in the news , and reports on the TV , but , in both cases , had turned his head away , and taken no notice .
At his place of employment , a colleague attempted to engage Kenwood in conversation about the election , but the Englishman pretended to be asleep .
In another similar incident , he pretended to be French .
Coverage of the election has been 'blanket-style ' , with even the Coronavirus having to take a back seat , whilst the governmental machinations of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ through the political mud by its testicles , for all the other impressionable developing nations to see , and , what 's worse , learn from .
`` Really , I could n't give a fuck who wins .
I just could n't care less .
Or , if you 're an American , I care less .
It just does n't bother me .
I do n't care if they win , or neither of them win .
Or if an earthquake engulfs them all .
Or a fireball from space .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ me . ''

A man who has no interest in, or understanding of, politics has revealed how uninterested he is in the outcome of the 2020 US presidential election being so closely contended by President Trump and his bitter rival, Sir Jose Biden.
Moys Kenwood, 57, said that he cared about as much about the election result and whether Trump or Biden finished in front, as he does about whether or not Monica Lewinsky was able to get that stain off her dress.
Or whether George Washington had 53 slaves or 153 slaves.
Or any number in between.
Kenwood said he had seen headlines in the news, and reports on the TV, but, in both cases, had turned his head away, and taken no notice.
At his place of employment, a colleague attempted to engage Kenwood in conversation about the election, but the Englishman pretended to be asleep.
In another similar incident, he pretended to be French.
Coverage of the election has been 'blanket-style', with even the Coronavirus having to take a back seat, whilst the governmental machinations of the 'World's Policeman' are dragged through the political mud by its testicles, for all the other impressionable developing nations to see, and, what's worse, learn from.
Said Kenwood: