thespoof--2020-12-02--President Trump Praises The Founder of the Ku Klux Klan

CRACKERHEAD , Georgia – ( Satire News ) - The President spoke before a crowd of 27 at a Walmart parking lot , and told them that he promises he will never , ever leave the White House , even if someone kidnaps his son , Eric .
Trump , who is becoming more and more delusional every day , is starting to blame ex-president Obama for not doing enough to prevent hurricanes , earthquakes , and the hamburger shortage during his two terms .
But the icing on the cake , as they say in Baltimore bakeries , was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Cavalry General Nathan Bedford Forrest , who was the founder of the Ku Klux Klan , was one of the nicest , happiest , most non-racist officers to wear the red , white , and gray of the proud Confederacy .
Trumpola then remarked that the 3rd Tennessee Cavalry Regiment , under General Forrest , kicked butt at the battles of Shiloh , Chickamauga , Tupelo , Pumpkin Patch , and Murfreesboro .
But what the shit-for-brains loser failed to mention was , the armies the Confederate general defeated were the armies of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ coming out of the White House say that Vice-President Pence has had enough of Trump 's whining , lying , and making-up-shit , that even professional bullshitters could n't invent .

CRACKERHEAD, Georgia – (Satire News) - The President spoke before a crowd of 27 at a Walmart parking lot, and told them that he promises he will never, ever leave the White House, even if someone kidnaps his son, Eric.
Trump, who is becoming more and more delusional every day, is starting to blame ex-president Obama for not doing enough to prevent hurricanes, earthquakes, and the hamburger shortage during his two terms.
But the icing on the cake, as they say in Baltimore bakeries, was when he told the crowd that Confederate Cavalry General Nathan Bedford Forrest, who was the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, was one of the nicest, happiest, most non-racist officers to wear the red, white, and gray of the proud Confederacy.
Trumpola then remarked that the 3rd Tennessee Cavalry Regiment, under General Forrest, kicked butt at the battles of Shiloh, Chickamauga, Tupelo, Pumpkin Patch, and Murfreesboro.
But what the shit-for-brains loser failed to mention was, the armies the Confederate general defeated were the armies of the United States of America.
Reports coming out of the White House say that Vice-President Pence has had enough of Trump's whining, lying, and making-up-shit, that even professional bullshitters couldn't invent.


thespoof--2020-12-02--President Trump Sells a Destroyer to Kim Jong-un

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The FBI has announced that the United States government has just sold a U.S. destroyer to North Korea .
FBI agent Aloysius Browser told the news media that the sale was discovered when a White House cleaning lady found a copy of the sales slip in the Oval Office trash basket .
Agent Browser said he could not divulge too much information for classified reasons , but he did say that the USS Johnny Appleseed was built at a cost of $ 2.7 billion , and was commissioned just two years @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Johnny Appleseed was involved in a collision with a Bolivian PT Boat , El Numero 680239 , as both were entering the Suez Canal .
The skipper of the Bolivian boat , Captain Timmy `` Tequilaman '' Torres , was fired after he showed an alcohol level of 7.6 % , which is way , way above the accepted level for a member of the Bolivian navy .
The FBI said that an investigation into the sale of the Johnny Appleseed has discovered that President Trump sold the destroyer to his pen pal-lover @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of $ 18,798 .
When FBI investigators asked Trump about this highly illegal sale , he simply replied that he has never heard of the 'USS Johnny Appleseed ' , and added that , since he is still the legal president of the United States , if he wanted to , he could sell the damn Statue of Liberty to Cuba for $ 45 .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The FBI has announced that the United States government has just sold a U.S. destroyer to North Korea.
FBI agent Aloysius Browser told the news media that the sale was discovered when a White House cleaning lady found a copy of the sales slip in the Oval Office trash basket.
Agent Browser said he could not divulge too much information for classified reasons, but he did say that the USS Johnny Appleseed was built at a cost of $2.7 billion, and was commissioned just two years ago.
Back in March, the Johnny Appleseed was involved in a collision with a Bolivian PT Boat, El Numero 680239, as both were entering the Suez Canal.
The skipper of the Bolivian boat, Captain Timmy "Tequilaman" Torres, was fired after he showed an alcohol level of 7.6%, which is way, way above the accepted level for a member of the Bolivian navy.
The FBI said that an investigation into the sale of the Johnny Appleseed has discovered that President Trump sold the destroyer to his pen pal-lover Kim Jong-un for the unbelievably low price of $18,798.
When FBI investigators asked Trump about this highly illegal sale, he simply replied that he has never heard of the 'USS Johnny Appleseed', and added that, since he is still the legal president of the United States, if he wanted to, he could sell the damn Statue of Liberty to Cuba for $45.


thespoof--2020-12-02--Jake Tapper Interviews Dog With Two Assholes

BILLINGSGATE POST : In an interview scheduled to be aired on Thursday , CNN ’ s Jake Tapper scores the first known interview of a dog with two assholes .
The wily Tapper insisted that Joe Biden , along with his sidekick , Kamala “ Breath ” Harris , bring one of his dogs to the interview .
`` Sleepy Joe , you know how Americans love dogs and automatically trust people when they have a dog in tow ?
Remember when Richard Nixon used his dog , Checkers , to rebuild his image ?
Hey , why do n't @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and bring your dog with you.
” And so off to the interview the three of them went .
With Joe ’ s dog on a leash , he and Kamala pulled up to CNN Headquarters in their stretch limo .
As they were about to enter , the incredulous doorman took a step back and asked : '' Hey !
Are n't you Sleepy Joe Biden and Kamala Harris ?
WTF are you numbnuts doing here ?
” As they were waiting in the Ready Room before their interview with Tapper , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , lifted up his tail , looked underneath , shrugged his shoulders , and walked out without saying a word .
A few minutes later , in came a make-up artist .
She glanced at both Sleepy Joe and Kamala and politely nodded .
She then walked over to the dog , lifted up his tail , looked underneath , scratched her head , and left the room .
For the next ten minutes or so , another dozen of the crew came in and lifted the dogs tail , checked underneath , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the incredulous Biden asked one of them , `` Why did all of you guys come in and check under my dog ’ s tail ?
Is something wrong with him ?
” '' Hell , no , '' he responded .
“ Someone 's out there running around the building claiming there 's a dog in the CNN Newsroom with two assholes.
” Slim : “ Stop the presses !
Can this story be confirmed ?
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: In an interview scheduled to be aired on Thursday, CNN’s Jake Tapper scores the first known interview of a dog with two assholes.
The wily Tapper insisted that Joe Biden, along with his sidekick, Kamala “Breath” Harris, bring one of his dogs to the interview.
"Sleepy Joe, you know how Americans love dogs and automatically trust people when they have a dog in tow? Remember when Richard Nixon used his dog, Checkers, to rebuild his image? Hey, why don't you and Kamala come on my show and bring your dog with you.”
And so off to the interview the three of them went. With Joe’s dog on a leash, he and Kamala pulled up to CNN Headquarters in their stretch limo. As they were about to enter, the incredulous doorman took a step back and asked:
"Hey! Aren't you Sleepy Joe Biden and Kamala Harris? WTF are you numbnuts doing here?”
As they were waiting in the Ready Room before their interview with Tapper, a stagehand walked over to the dog, lifted up his tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders, and walked out without saying a word. A few minutes later, in came a make-up artist. She glanced at both Sleepy Joe and Kamala and politely nodded.
She then walked over to the dog, lifted up his tail, looked underneath, scratched her head, and left the room. For the next ten minutes or so, another dozen of the crew came in and lifted the dogs tail, checked underneath, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, the incredulous Biden asked one of them, "Why did all of you guys come in and check under my dog’s tail? Is something wrong with him?”
"Hell, no," he responded. “Someone's out there running around the building claiming there's a dog in the CNN Newsroom with two assholes.”
Slim: “Stop the presses! Can this story be confirmed?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Who gives a shit? It’s close enough.”


thespoof--2020-12-03--Trump To Pardon Children In Cages

Trump To Pardon Children In Cages

In a move that will warm the very cockles of the heart of every single reader , as well as countless millions of his own supporters who just this day must come , President Donald Trump has decided to pardon all the children being held in cages along the US/Mexico border .
The traumatized children , who have never once stopped crying since they were wrenched from the arms of their sobbing mothers , and who have been fed on bread and water for months , have committed no crimes , but examples had to be made , so that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trying to cross the border into the US .
Now , however , Trump has finally decided to show his true humanitarian side , and to bestow official pardons on the tots , exonerating them from all suggestions of any wrongdoing .
This morning he tweeted that he knew it was n't the fault of the brats that they 'd ended up at the border , but , rather , that of their filthy , scummy criminal parents who had dragged them wailing by the scruff of their necks across Mexico from their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what rightfully belonged to upright and law-abiding Americans .
In view of this , he said , he thought it unAmerican to hold them responsible for their family 's actions , and he hoped that the paperwork to pardon the children - and , perhaps even , reunite them with their parents - could be rushed along before he handed over the presidency to Mr. Biden in January .

In a move that will warm the very cockles of the heart of every single reader, as well as countless millions of his own supporters who just knew this day must come, President Donald Trump has decided to pardon all the children being held in cages along the US/Mexico border.
The traumatized children, who have never once stopped crying since they were wrenched from the arms of their sobbing mothers, and who have been fed on bread and water for months, have committed no crimes, but examples had to be made , so that other Mexicans might have thought twice before trying to cross the border into the US.
Everybody 'understands' that.
Now, however, Trump has finally decided to show his true humanitarian side, and to bestow official pardons on the tots, exonerating them from all suggestions of any wrongdoing.
This morning he tweeted that he knew it wasn't the fault of the brats that they'd ended up at the border, but, rather, that of their filthy, scummy criminal parents who had dragged them wailing by the scruff of their necks across Mexico from their hell-like shitholes in an attempt to steal what rightfully belonged to upright and law-abiding Americans.
In view of this, he said, he thought it unAmerican to hold them responsible for their family's actions, and he hoped that the paperwork to pardon the children - and, perhaps even, reunite them with their parents - could be rushed along before he handed over the presidency to Mr. Biden in January.


thespoof--2020-12-01--Pet psychic claims Biden's dog caused foot injury as "test of his master”

Newly-famous pet psychic Beth Lee-Crowther has come forward to offer guidance on what just happened to cause Mr. Biden 's foot injury .
According to The Daily Beast , Ms. Lee-Crowther , from the English midlands , has established telepathic contact with Mr. Biden 's dogs , Champ and Major .
Via looking at their pictures only , she has visited with these hounds , and been happy to receive their enthusiasm for the incoming president .
`` The very first thing I got was that they were both very excited about moving to the White House , '' Lee-Crowther @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had a real connection , I felt that excitement of theirs .
They showed me that Joe Biden is very bonded to his dogs , and has a real connection to them .
They kept showing me that , although he has rescued one of the dogs , the dogs feel , in many ways , they have rescued him . ''
Major is two years old , Champ is twelve , with Major rescued from an animal shelter in 2018 .
On Sunday , however , Mr. Biden , in playing with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ now must wear a boot due to hairline fractures and a limp .
The official story , that Major was overcome with happiness at the prospect of becoming White House Hound Of The Year , did not sit altogether right with pet psychics who had been following the story closely .
From the Institute for Distinguished Animal Telepathy ( its president Regina Sneap depicted above ) , an anonymous pet psychic specialist has stepped forward for further enquiry .
An absorbing , empathic session with Major seemed called for , and our pet @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” ( so to speak ) via her telepathic intuitive sensing equipment .
She found the hound Major somewhat subdued , despite his new fame and excitement , and somewhat reluctant to come forward .
“ I deliberately tripped him [ sigh ] , what with all this about him being decrepit , you know , because , well , because I wanted to get him in shape , so to speak , for the trials to come !
” “ The next Russia-gate , the rigged election , the divided congress , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and war with Iran .
.
.
Need I go on ?
” “ But what can you do ?
Pardon me , but you 're only dogs !
” “ The dog is man 's best friend .
That has been a White House tradition . ''
`` Consultations at midnight , on the lawns , in the kennels , and -- with your help -- now , via telepathic messenger , direct to The New York Times !
Can you speak dog ?
” “ I will consult with my staff @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
I am nearly overwhelmed , and my kleenex is running low .
”

Newly-famous pet psychic Beth Lee-Crowther has come forward to offer guidance on what just happened to cause Mr. Biden's foot injury.
According to The Daily Beast, Ms. Lee-Crowther, from the English midlands, has established telepathic contact with Mr. Biden's dogs, Champ and Major.
Via looking at their pictures only, she has visited with these hounds, and been happy to receive their enthusiasm for the incoming president.
"The very first thing I got was that they were both very excited about moving to the White House," Lee-Crowther told The Daily Beast.
"I had a real connection, I felt that excitement of theirs. They showed me that Joe Biden is very bonded to his dogs, and has a real connection to them. They kept showing me that, although he has rescued one of the dogs, the dogs feel, in many ways, they have rescued him."
Major is two years old, Champ is twelve, with Major rescued from an animal shelter in 2018.
On Sunday, however, Mr. Biden, in playing with Major, injured his foot, and now must wear a boot due to hairline fractures and a limp.
The official story, that Major was overcome with happiness at the prospect of becoming White House Hound Of The Year, did not sit altogether right with pet psychics who had been following the story closely.
From the Institute for Distinguished Animal Telepathy (its president Regina Sneap depicted above), an anonymous pet psychic specialist has stepped forward for further enquiry.
An absorbing, empathic session with Major seemed called for, and our pet psychic said she “rang him up” (so to speak) via her telepathic intuitive sensing equipment.
She found the hound Major somewhat subdued, despite his new fame and excitement, and somewhat reluctant to come forward.
She persisted.
Major at last confessed:
“I deliberately tripped him [sigh], what with all this about him being decrepit, you know, because, well, because I wanted to get him in shape, so to speak, for the trials to come!”
“Trials?”
“The next Russia-gate, the rigged election, the divided congress, Covid versus actual science, the Israelis and war with Iran . . . Need I go on?”
“But what can you do? Pardon me, but you're only dogs!”
“The dog is man's best friend. That has been a White House tradition."
“Yes?”
"Consultations at midnight, on the lawns, in the kennels, and--with your help--now, via telepathic messenger, direct to The New York Times! Can you speak dog?”
“I will consult with my staff. Thank you. I must retire. I am nearly overwhelmed, and my kleenex is running low.”


thespoof--2020-12-01--Blob Fish still not featuring on Christmas Cards

Despite their physical beauty , beguiling personalities , and association with the festive season , the lowly blobfish is yet @ @ @ @ @ Christmas card .
'It is quite strange when you think about it , and I @ @ @ @ @ , ' said cuddly and jovial blobfish , Maurice Jones , 'but we are yet @ @ @ @ @ card . '
Although the blobfish is not the obvious choice , with robins , @ @ @ @ @ reindeer , and Father Christmas more likely to appear , it seems that there is @ @ @ @ @ ' I mean , commercially a Christmas card featuring a blobfish would probably bomb , @ @ @ @ @ be about the money , does it ? '
asked Maurice , forlornly .

Despite their physical beauty, beguiling personalities, and association with the festive season, the lowly blobfish is yet to appear on a single Christmas card.
'It is quite strange when you think about it, and I think about it a lot,' said cuddly and jovial blobfish, Maurice Jones, 'but we are yet to appear on a Christmas card.'
Although the blobfish is not the obvious choice, with robins, snowmen, young children, reindeer, and Father Christmas more likely to appear, it seems that there is some demand for it.
'I mean, commercially a Christmas card featuring a blobfish would probably bomb, but not everything has to be about the money, does it?' asked Maurice, forlornly.


thespoof--2020-12-01--Cher becomes victim of hungry elephant's gluttony.

In breaking news , singer Cher has been eaten by Kaavan , the elephant that she sponsored to be moved @ @ @ @ @ .
The singer was visiting the animal in its new lodgings when , just as @ @ @ @ @ , she was lifted up by Kaavan and thrown heavily to the ground .
The @ @ @ @ @ limb from limb and , sadly , she was consumed utterly by Kaavan .
There @ @ @ @ @ after several minutes of eating .
The real lesson one should make from this incident @ @ @ @ @ , desperate elephant an even break .

In breaking news, singer Cher has been eaten by Kaavan, the elephant that she sponsored to be moved to a zoo in Cambodia. The singer was visiting the animal in its new lodgings when, just as Cher was serenading the elephant, she was lifted up by Kaavan and thrown heavily to the ground.
The elephant proceeded to tear Cher limb from limb and, sadly, she was consumed utterly by Kaavan. There was no trace of her after several minutes of eating.
The real lesson one should make from this incident is never give a hungry, desperate elephant an even break.


thespoof--2020-12-03--Kim Jong-un Wants To Buy Mar-a-Lago

Kim Jong-un Wants To Buy Mar-a-Lago

PYONGYANG , North Korea – ( Satire News ) – The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that the leader of North Korea wants to buy Trump ’ s Southern White House , Mar-a-Lago .
Kim Jong-un stated that his BFF Donnie T. texted him and said that he is going to be needing lots of extra cash pretty damn quick , and he ’ s offered to sell his Florida mansion at a cheap price .
Trump told him that everyone knows he won the election , but the CIA , FBI , LMAO , and MSNBC forced all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ or risk getting fired .
A source inside the White House said the reason Trump is going to need money is to pay his team of 17 lawyers , as well as his upcoming mental therapy sessions that he is scheduled to start taking the Monday after Super Bowl .
Meanwhile , Melania has said , on several occasions , the only thing that will help her husband ’ s insanity is for him to get a brain transplant .
The First Lady said that the two infamous black Trump butt-kissers , Diamond @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump their brain , but surgeons said that POTUS would be better off having a bag of Cheetos inserted , since both sisters are crazier than sheep shit .

PYONGYANG, North Korea – (Satire News) – The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that the leader of North Korea wants to buy Trump’s Southern White House, Mar-a-Lago.
Kim Jong-un stated that his BFF Donnie T. texted him and said that he is going to be needing lots of extra cash pretty damn quick, and he’s offered to sell his Florida mansion at a cheap price.
Trump told him that everyone knows he won the election, but the CIA, FBI, LMAO, and MSNBC forced all of their employees to vote for Biden or risk getting fired.
A source inside the White House said the reason Trump is going to need money is to pay his team of 17 lawyers, as well as his upcoming mental therapy sessions that he is scheduled to start taking the Monday after Super Bowl.
Meanwhile, Melania has said, on several occasions, the only thing that will help her husband’s insanity is for him to get a brain transplant.
The First Lady said that the two infamous black Trump butt-kissers, Diamond and Silk, have offered to give Trump their brain, but surgeons said that POTUS would be better off having a bag of Cheetos inserted, since both sisters are crazier than sheep shit.


thespoof--2020-12-04--Mexico Asks US To Increase Height Of Border Wall

With the Coronavirus now spreading through all US states like wildfire , the number of positive cases having risen above 14 million , and deaths currently heading for 300,000 , the Mexican government has asked Donald Trump if he would n't mind finishing the job he started on the border wall , and increase its height by about another 15 feet .
Mexico has its own COVID-19 problems , of course , but it is fearful of 'runners ' , those who are thought to want to escape from the effects of the virus , and who are considering fleeing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ estimated that as many as 500,000 US residents per month might attempt to escape to Latin America .
President Trump 's border protection has , thus far , kept out wannabe immigrants from Mexico , but the boot is now on the other foot , and the Mexicans have , in recent days , dropped several hints that they view the situation in the US as they would if a horde of zombies were making for their territory .
President Trump has not yet commented on the proposal , but he is likely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to be paid for by the Mexican government .
Mexican president , Andrés Manuel Lopéz Obrador , has indicated he is not likely to quibble .

With the Coronavirus now spreading through all US states like wildfire, the number of positive cases having risen above 14 million, and deaths currently heading for 300,000, the Mexican government has asked Donald Trump if he wouldn't mind finishing the job he started on the border wall, and increase its height by about another 15 feet.
Mexico has its own COVID-19 problems, of course, but it is fearful of 'runners', those who are thought to want to escape from the effects of the virus, and who are considering fleeing south to do so.
It's estimated that as many as 500,000 US residents per month might attempt to escape to Latin America.
President Trump's border protection has, thus far, kept out wannabe immigrants from Mexico, but the boot is now on the other foot, and the Mexicans have, in recent days, dropped several hints that they view the situation in the US as they would if a horde of zombies were making for their territory.
President Trump has not yet commented on the proposal, but he is likely to want any improvements at this stage to be paid for by the Mexican government.
Mexican president, Andrés Manuel Lopéz Obrador, has indicated he is not likely to quibble.


thespoof--2020-12-04--Trump to Take Starring Role in New Marvel Movie ‘The Incredible Sulk’

Those that lie awake at night worrying about what will happen to Donald Trump when he is dragged kicking and screaming from The White House in January can at last get some shut eye .
A spokesperson for Walt Disney Studios , Mr Michael Mouse , announced yesterday that a new movie has been commissioned in the Marvel franchise , with a new superhero called The Incredible Sulk .
It also confirmed that Donald Trump has accepted the role of the main character , Dr Steve Bannon , for an undisclosed fee believed to be in excess of $ 90m @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Donnie-Boy has accepted our offer .
He is perfect for the part .
All he has to do is just be himself , ” crowed Mouse .
When the outline of the story was released to the hastily assembled press pack , not one single journalist was surprised that Trump had been asked to star in the movie , all agreeing he was perfect for the role .
The outline of the story is this : Dr Steve Bannon , an ultra-right wing disc jockey , political agitator and vagabond is persuaded to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ being universally loathed he wins due to election rigging by a Russian gangster called Vladiwell Putitin ( a name shamelessly stolen from the upcoming movie MAD ) .
Bannon serves as president for four years during which he nearly destroys democracy both in America and worldwide .
The character of Dr Bannon is portrayed as a narcissistic , incompetent , racist , misogynistic , adulterous , crooked compulsive liar , a role perfectly suited to Trump .
However , in the 2020 election , Bannon loses by a landslide to the Democrat hopeful @ @ @ @ @ @ @ again a character shamelessly filched from the MAD movie ) .
Whilst the election is demonstrably shown in the movie as fair and the result legitimate , Bannon refuses to accept losing .
He clings on to power until finally an elite squad from the Marines has to raid The White House to forcibly remove Bannon from office .
All the above is covered in the first ten minutes of the three-hour ten-minute movie .
Ejected from The White House , Trump cuts a pathetic figure standing alone on the sidewalk with a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ possessions .
Suddenly a massive rage overwhelms the fat idiot .
In moments he undergoes a bizarre metamorphosis .
His porcine body swells to several times his original size , tearing off all his clothes except those that cover his tiny genitals ( they stay as they are ) .
His skin turns green .
He has become a monster .
Bannon then stomps off to his old radio station , breaks down the walls , takes over the microphone and then starts broadcasting again , whining on about how the election was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is the real president , and that it ’ s everyone else ’ s fault but his , and blah , blah , blah for the remaining three hours of the movie .
Disney will not be drawn on how the movie ends but say there ’ s a twist in the tale .
It was unanimous throughout the press pack that this will be the first monumental flop in the Marvel movie franchise , one worthy of a massive body swerve in favour of ‘ Mars Needs Moms ’ a movie with @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Those that lie awake at night worrying about what will happen to Donald Trump when he is dragged kicking and screaming from The White House in January can at last get some shut eye.
A spokesperson for Walt Disney Studios, Mr Michael Mouse, announced yesterday that a new movie has been commissioned in the Marvel franchise, with a new superhero called The Incredible Sulk. It also confirmed that Donald Trump has accepted the role of the main character, Dr Steve Bannon, for an undisclosed fee believed to be in excess of $90m.
“We are absolutely delighted that Donnie-Boy has accepted our offer. He is perfect for the part. All he has to do is just be himself,” crowed Mouse.
When the outline of the story was released to the hastily assembled press pack, not one single journalist was surprised that Trump had been asked to star in the movie, all agreeing he was perfect for the role.
The outline of the story is this:
Dr Steve Bannon, an ultra-right wing disc jockey, political agitator and vagabond is persuaded to run for president in 2016. Despite being universally loathed he wins due to election rigging by a Russian gangster called Vladiwell Putitin (a name shamelessly stolen from the upcoming movie MAD). Bannon serves as president for four years during which he nearly destroys democracy both in America and worldwide.
The character of Dr Bannon is portrayed as a narcissistic, incompetent, racist, misogynistic, adulterous, crooked compulsive liar, a role perfectly suited to Trump.
However, in the 2020 election, Bannon loses by a landslide to the Democrat hopeful, a nun called Sister Dithery (again a character shamelessly filched from the MAD movie). Whilst the election is demonstrably shown in the movie as fair and the result legitimate, Bannon refuses to accept losing. He clings on to power until finally an elite squad from the Marines has to raid The White House to forcibly remove Bannon from office.
All the above is covered in the first ten minutes of the three-hour ten-minute movie. Ejected from The White House, Trump cuts a pathetic figure standing alone on the sidewalk with a cardboard box that holds all his worldly possessions.
Suddenly a massive rage overwhelms the fat idiot. In moments he undergoes a bizarre metamorphosis. His porcine body swells to several times his original size, tearing off all his clothes except those that cover his tiny genitals (they stay as they are). His skin turns green. He has become a monster.
Bannon then stomps off to his old radio station, breaks down the walls, takes over the microphone and then starts broadcasting again, whining on about how the election was rigged against him, and how he is the real president, and that it’s everyone else’s fault but his, and blah, blah, blah for the remaining three hours of the movie.
Disney will not be drawn on how the movie ends but say there’s a twist in the tale.
It was unanimous throughout the press pack that this will be the first monumental flop in the Marvel movie franchise, one worthy of a massive body swerve in favour of ‘Mars Needs Moms’ a movie with a shortfall of over $110m.


thespoof--2020-12-05--Melania Offers Bidens Personal Tour of White House “Especially if Hunter Will Be There”

Washington - Melania Trump has reached out to future First Lady Jill Biden to offer a personally conducted tour of @ @ @ @ @ for the Biden family .
“ I especially would like to extend my welcome to @ @ @ @ @ family , including , of course , Hunk ...
I mean , Hunter Biden , @ @ @ @ @ Lady in an interview with a local fashion magazine .
“ It would be so @ @ @ @ @ ’ s adventures in the Ukraine .
It can be such a dangerous place , @ @ @ @ @ young , well-built guy like him , ” added Melania .

Washington - Melania Trump has reached out to future First Lady Jill Biden to offer a personally conducted tour of the White House living quarters for the Biden family.
“I especially would like to extend my welcome to all of the extended Biden family, including, of course, Hunk...I mean, Hunter Biden,” said the current First Lady in an interview with a local fashion magazine.
“It would be so interesting to hear of Hunter’s adventures in the Ukraine. It can be such a dangerous place, even for a handsome, young, well-built guy like him,” added Melania.
Jill Biden couldn’t be reached for comment.


thespoof--2020-12-05--Trump suffers from severe hearing loss, keeps saying, ‘pardon me’.

Sean P. Conley , the White House physician , has confirmed that there are definite signs that President Trump , like Caesar , has turned a deaf ear to the no-concession advice from his inner circle and loquacious sons .
Even the syrupy praise of Hannity and Tucker on Fox News did not bring forth a cheer from Trump .
Hanny and Tuck endorsed Trump 's claims that the election was stolen by Biden , due to the machinations of thousands of corrupt election staff , damned ‘ flipping ’ Dominion machines , renegade Republican Governors , and unpatriotic judges @ @ @ @ @ @ @ News , but could not hear them .
‘ Must be that damned mute button from the Debate.
’ “ Can ’ t hear a damn thing , ” snorted POTUS .
A worried Dr. Conley whispered into Trump ’ s ear , only to be met with a bewildered look and the first sign of civil propriety in the White House : ‘ Pardon me ?
’ “ I ’ m sorry , sir , ” said Dr. Conley , “ that ’ s way above my pay-grade .
I only doctor @ @ @ @ @ @ @ retreated when there was no response from Trump , confirming his worst suspicions that Trump had not even heard him .
The news swirled around the White House .
Yes , POTUS was suffering from severe hearing loss .
Further proof was forthcoming when Trump viewed his 46-minute most important speech on Fox News , and exclaimed loudly , '' WTF am I saying ?
`` , Ironically , all major networks and talk show hosts were asking the same question .
It all came to a head when Trump addressed the faithful @ @ @ @ @ @ @ system was crooked , and that it only worked well in Florida , North Carolina , Texas and Alaska , and other states which he had won .
“ But , in Georgia , the same Dominion system is crooked , and the Republicans are crooked and the judges I appointed have switched.
” The crowd erupted in feverish delight amidst the weaving Trump flags , and shouted : `` TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT…TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT… OF GEORGIA . ''
Trump could not believe his ears ( naturally ) .
The crowd was yelling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thing .
He raised his arms for silence , cupped his right ear with a trumpet , and said : 'Pardon me ? '
The crowd roared with an almighty shout : `` PARDON HIM !
PARDON HIM ! ''
And all the allies on the podium joined in - Rudy Giuliani , Jared Kushner , Donald Jr. , Eric , Melissa Carone , Fox News hosts , Marco Rubio , Pompeo , Mitch McConnell , Lindsey Graham and Corn & Cob - with a well-orchestrated plea of `` ME-TOO , ME-TOO .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ viral with membership in the thousands and counting .

Sean P. Conley, the White House physician, has confirmed that there are definite signs that President Trump, like Caesar, has turned a deaf ear to the no-concession advice from his inner circle and loquacious sons.
Even the syrupy praise of Hannity and Tucker on Fox News did not bring forth a cheer from Trump. Hanny and Tuck endorsed Trump's claims that the election was stolen by Biden, due to the machinations of thousands of corrupt election staff, damned ‘flipping’ Dominion machines, renegade Republican Governors, and unpatriotic judges. Trump recognized his talk-heads on Fox News, but could not hear them. ‘Must be that damned mute button from the Debate.’
“Can’t hear a damn thing,” snorted POTUS. A worried Dr. Conley whispered into Trump’s ear, only to be met with a bewildered look and the first sign of civil propriety in the White House: ‘Pardon me?’
“I’m sorry, sir,”said Dr. Conley, “that’s way above my pay-grade. I only doctor things around here.” The good doctor retreated when there was no response from Trump, confirming his worst suspicions that Trump had not even heard him. The news swirled around the White House. Yes, POTUS was suffering from severe hearing loss.
Further proof was forthcoming when Trump viewed his 46-minute most important speech on Fox News, and exclaimed loudly,
"WTF am I saying?", Ironically, all major networks and talk show hosts were asking the same question.
It all came to a head when Trump addressed the faithful in Georgia, claiming that the electoral system was crooked, and that it only worked well in Florida, North Carolina, Texas and Alaska, and other states which he had won. “But, in Georgia, the same Dominion system is crooked, and the Republicans are crooked and the judges I appointed have switched.”
The crowd erupted in feverish delight amidst the weaving Trump flags, and shouted: "TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT…TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT… OF GEORGIA."
Trump could not believe his ears (naturally). The crowd was yelling, but he could not hear a thing. He raised his arms for silence, cupped his right ear with a trumpet, and said: 'Pardon me?'
The crowd roared with an almighty shout: "PARDON HIM! PARDON HIM!"
And all the allies on the podium joined in - Rudy Giuliani, Jared Kushner, Donald Jr., Eric, Melissa Carone, Fox News hosts, Marco Rubio, Pompeo, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham and Corn & Cob -
with a well-orchestrated plea of "ME-TOO, ME-TOO."
The hashtag #PARDONMETOO has gone viral with membership in the thousands and counting.


thespoof--2020-12-05--Biden Appoints Carlos Danger As Secretary of Offense

BILLINGSGATE POST : Bending over backwards is now second nature to Sleepy Joe Biden .
After hibernating in his basement on his Deluxe Naugahyde BarcaLounger for the last year , he now walks bent over with a permanent reverse BarcaLounger list .
But he hasn ’ t forgotten his old friend , Carlos Danger .
He and the disgraced former New York Congressman have a lot in common .
Both dreamt of touring the country in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile before dedicating their lives to bilking their constituents .
But their commonality doesn ’ t end there .
Displaying their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Vice President Biden swimming nude while his female Secret Service Agents watched over him , and Anthony Weiner sending explicit pictures of himself to a 15-year-old girl .
The idea of second chances is n't lost on Weiner .
His return to the working world follows more than a year in prison for sending those nasty pictures of his package .
“ We don ’ t want to be judged by our worst moments .
There are lots of bad habits that I no longer have in my life , ” Weiner says @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a time , and I ’ m grateful.
” “ I appreciate the opportunity to once more serve our nation as Secretary of Offense.
” Slim : “ I wonder if he thinks a bratwurst is a girl ’ s best friend.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
My guess is that he can still pull it off .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Bending over backwards is now second nature to Sleepy Joe Biden. After hibernating in his basement on his Deluxe Naugahyde BarcaLounger for the last year, he now walks bent over with a permanent reverse BarcaLounger list.
But he hasn’t forgotten his old friend, Carlos Danger. He and the disgraced former New York Congressman have a lot in common. Both dreamt of touring the country in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile before dedicating their lives to bilking their constituents. But their commonality doesn’t end there. Displaying their wieners became a mutual fetish, with Vice
President Biden swimming nude while his female Secret Service Agents watched over him, and Anthony Weiner sending explicit pictures of himself to a 15-year-old girl.
The idea of second chances isn't lost on Weiner. His return to the working world follows more than a year in prison for sending those nasty pictures of his package.
“We don’t want to be judged by our worst moments. There are lots of bad habits that I no longer have in my life,” Weiner says. “I take one day at a time, and I’m grateful.”
“I appreciate the opportunity to once more serve our nation as Secretary of Offense.”
Slim: “I wonder if he thinks a bratwurst is a girl’s best friend.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. My guess is that he can still pull it off.”


thespoof--2020-12-05--Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange Begs Trump to Pardon Him

LIVERPOOL , England – The founder of Wikileaks and Pipileaks , Julian Assange , texted President Trump and begged him to please give him a Presidential Pardon so he can get out of prison before he hurts himself with a bar of soap .
Assange has used up all of his pleas and now just sits in his 8 by 10-foot cell at the Engelbert Humperdinck Prison watching the BBC , drawing on his arm with a red Sharpie , and humming songs by 60s British band The Who .
One of his guards has stated that , once a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have a mini-concert in the Dusty Springfield Commemorative Dining Hall .
He remarked that one of the other inmates accompanies Engelbert on the harmonica , and a cross-dressing prisoner named Daisy dances in front of him , and is a big hit with the other sex-starved convicts .
Regarding the Presidential Pardon , Trump texted Assange and reminded him that he is an Australian citizen , imprisoned in England , but added that he is going to talk to his chief adviser , Ivanka , and see what she has to say .

LIVERPOOL, England – The founder of Wikileaks and Pipileaks, Julian Assange, texted President Trump and begged him to please give him a Presidential Pardon so he can get out of prison before he hurts himself with a bar of soap.
Assange has used up all of his pleas and now just sits in his 8 by 10-foot cell at the Engelbert Humperdinck Prison watching the BBC, drawing on his arm with a red Sharpie, and humming songs by 60s British band The Who.
One of his guards has stated that, once a week, the warden allows him to have a mini-concert in the Dusty Springfield Commemorative Dining Hall.
He remarked that one of the other inmates accompanies Engelbert on the harmonica, and a cross-dressing prisoner named Daisy dances in front of him, and is a big hit with the other sex-starved convicts.
Regarding the Presidential Pardon, Trump texted Assange and reminded him that he is an Australian citizen, imprisoned in England, but added that he is going to talk to his chief adviser, Ivanka, and see what she has to say.


thespoof--2020-12-04--Ivanka Trump Says Her Ass Belongs In Politics

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – iRumors News has just informed the public that Trump ’ s number one adviser , daughter , and woman who is getting a big pay check from American taxpayers for virtually not doing a damn thing , wants to enter politics .
Vodka Vermicelli , with iRumors , has divulged that Ivanka Trump , who is looking much older than her 39 years , says she wants to follow in her father 's fantastic political footsteps .
Mrs. Jared Kushner , who was born in Manhattan ’ s Our Lady of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Bravo 's Andy Cohen that her father has agreed to be her campaign manager if she decides she wants to run for mayor of New York City .
Ivanka has repeatedly told relatives , friends , and mere acquaintances , that she is blessed to have her mother ’ s hair and her father ’ s brain matter , and she emphasized that her ass definitely belongs in the political arena .
Meanwhile , Don Lemon reminded his audience not to forget that `` Miss Giraffe Legs '' is the one who said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ parents , and putting them in cold , metal cages is not really as bad as it sounds , and it 's kinda like them being away at summer camp .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – iRumors News has just informed the public that Trump’s number one adviser, daughter, and woman who is getting a big pay check from American taxpayers for virtually not doing a damn thing, wants to enter politics.
Vodka Vermicelli, with iRumors, has divulged that Ivanka Trump, who is looking much older than her 39 years, says she wants to follow in her father's fantastic political footsteps.
Mrs. Jared Kushner, who was born in Manhattan’s Our Lady of The Burning Bush Hospital, recently told Bravo's Andy Cohen that her father has agreed to be her campaign manager if she decides she wants to run for mayor of New York City.
Ivanka has repeatedly told relatives, friends, and mere acquaintances, that she is blessed to have her mother’s hair and her father’s brain matter, and she emphasized that her ass definitely belongs in the political arena.
Meanwhile, Don Lemon reminded his audience not to forget that "Miss Giraffe Legs" is the one who said that separating kids and babies from their parents, and putting them in cold, metal cages is not really as bad as it sounds, and it's kinda like them being away at summer camp.


thespoof--2020-12-06--Rehearsals for Obama needle jab start soon; cast expanding

Mr. Obama has said he will step forward to get the Covid 19 vaccine in a televised event to encourage confidence in the public .
This versus 36 % of nurses who say they will not take it , and that , contrary to usual procedures , the vaccines have been rushed .
Slightly less than half the US population is also saying it will not take the jab .
Usually , vaccines must be tested over a period of years ( not months ) for long-range side effects .
With 40 million vaccine kits available soon , and another @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 2021 , something of a loss in income to the vaccine companies threatens , if American consumers do not take the needle .
Meanwhile , lockdown conditions ( and resistance ) have been renewed , with more severity here , less there .
Whether this new lockdown is connected to pushing the vaccines ( and a special “ I took it !
” card ) is unknown at this time .
A Riverside County sheriff has recently announced California Governor Newsom 's restrictions as “ ridiculous ” and stated he will not follow @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Something of a problem in credibility does appear to exist , hence the Obama “ performance.
” *California 's death rate at 50 per 100,000 , for example , is a mere point 0005 % of the population .
*The overall death numbers attributed to Covid at under 300,000 amount to a tiny percentage of the population at 350 million .
*It has never been clarified as to what age groups are most in danger .
*The rise in cases has not been explained in terms of what numbers correspond to asymptomatic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
*Deaths attributed to covid have not been differentiated as to with Covid or from Covid .
*In the past , politicians jumping forward to promote the vaccines have themselves been suspect of politically motivated behavior .
Into this scenario Mr. Obama is currently in rehearsal “ for the jab ” with an illustrious cast lined up in the wings .
Mr. Fauci , assisted by Ms. Birx , will be waiting in white uniform beside a table with small vials of Covid vaccine neatly lined up .
Mr. Bush , Mr. Clinton @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Cuomo , Mr. Newsom , Ms. Whitmer , and others ( at this time applying ) will stretch across the ampitheater waiting for the jab .
A new play titled “ Waiting For The Jab ” will open on Broadway simultaneously .
There will be no audience , however , due to restrictions and confinement ( except for celebrities ) to home in the region .

Mr. Obama has said he will step forward to get the Covid 19 vaccine in a televised event to encourage confidence in the public.
This versus 36% of nurses who say they will not take it, and that, contrary to usual procedures, the vaccines have been rushed.
Slightly less than half the US population is also saying it will not take the jab.
Usually, vaccines must be tested over a period of years (not months) for long-range side effects.
With 40 million vaccine kits available soon, and another 100 million in the first part of 2021, something of a loss in income to the vaccine companies threatens, if American consumers do not take the needle.
Meanwhile, lockdown conditions (and resistance) have been renewed, with more severity here, less there.
Whether this new lockdown is connected to pushing the vaccines (and a special “I took it!” card) is unknown at this time.
A Riverside County sheriff has recently announced California Governor Newsom's restrictions as “ridiculous” and stated he will not follow “the rules” at this time.
Something of a problem in credibility does appear to exist, hence the Obama “performance.”
*California's death rate at 50 per 100,000, for example, is a mere point 0005% of the population.
*The overall death numbers attributed to Covid at under 300,000 amount to a tiny percentage of the population at 350 million.
*It has never been clarified as to what age groups are most in danger.
*The rise in cases has not been explained in terms of what numbers correspond to asymptomatic, mild, severe, death threatening.
*Deaths attributed to covid have not been differentiated as to with Covid or from Covid.
*In the past, politicians jumping forward to promote the vaccines have themselves been suspect of politically motivated behavior.
Into this scenario Mr. Obama is currently in rehearsal “for the jab” with an illustrious cast lined up in the wings.
Mr. Fauci, assisted by Ms. Birx, will be waiting in white uniform beside a table with small vials of Covid vaccine neatly lined up.
Mr. Bush, Mr. Clinton, Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Schumer. Mr. Cuomo, Mr. Newsom, Ms. Whitmer, and others (at this time applying) will stretch across the ampitheater waiting for the jab.
A new play titled “Waiting For The Jab” will open on Broadway simultaneously.
There will be no audience, however, due to restrictions and confinement (except for celebrities) to home in the region.


thespoof--2020-12-06--Ivanka Trump Opens New Pop-Up Celebrity Covid Vaccination Clinic

News that the ex-president ’ s wife/daughter , Ivanka , has jumped on the Covid bandwagon to make a fast buck from it came as no surprise to the hastily-assembled press pack summoned to the White House this morning .
Instead of the usual briefing , a two-hour rant from Trump about how the 2020 election was rigged , everyone else but him is a cheating crook , and the world is against him , Ivanka Trump took the lectern .
Wearing a doctor ’ s white coat , she boldly announced her latest money-making enterprise .
As from Monday @ @ @ @ @ @ @ $ 10,000 per jab , Ivanka is offering inoculations against the Covid-19 virus .
The service , that will be operated from a pop-up clinic in the laundry room of a Trump hotel in downtown Manhattan , is aimed at the celebrity market , and those too dumb to know the value of money .
“ I ’ m delighted to be able to offer this service to the eagerly awaiting American elite , ” crowed Ivanka .
“ I ’ ve bought all the equipment already , a ton of the vaccine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I don ’ t need a facemask .
I ’ ll keep a window open.
” When quizzed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano , as to the source of the vaccine , bearing in mind , as yet , one isn ’ t approved for use in the US , Ivanka snapped , “ You ’ re a nosey little creep , aren ’ t you ?
” However , when pressed by the reporter from the UK gardening magazine Thyme for an answer , Ivanka told the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Russian ‘ Sputnik Vee ’ vaccine , a product not even authorised for use yet in Russia .
“ Uncle Vlad sold me a batch real cheap , ” simpered Ivanka .
“ Apparently , a rat fell into the mixing vat , so the batch wouldn ’ t have passed their stringent hygiene rules , but he assured me it ’ s okay for use in America.
” The news of this latest money-making scam from Ivanka has caused an outrage in many circles , not least those of the US @ @ @ @ @ @ @ enterprise was Dr Anthony Fauci , the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases .
“ This is plain crazy , ” barked Fauci from a safe place underneath his virus-proof bed .
“ No vaccine has yet been approved for use in America , and especially not the Russian Sputnik Vee .
This enterprise is dumb , dangerous , and highly illegal , and too expensive at $ 10,000 a shot .
$ 7,000 would be more reasonable .
That ’ s all I have in my savings.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ business .
It is understood that Trump ’ s swivel-eyed pet lunatic and personal lawyer , Rudy Giuliani , has threatened crippling legal action against anybody dumb enough to try and stop the clinic opening .
The dumpy porcine legal-eagle apparently has invested in the enterprise .
“ I bought the needles , ” smirked Giuliani , black dye streaking down the sides of his fat , sweaty face , “ so keep your mouths shut unless you want to be bogged down in a quagmire of brutal litigation for the rest of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , first in the queue for a jab will be the screen actor Johnny Depp , who shelled out the ten grand as soon as the service was announced , believing it to be an illegal substance he could abuse .

News that the ex-president’s wife/daughter, Ivanka, has jumped on the Covid bandwagon to make a fast buck from it came as no surprise to the hastily-assembled press pack summoned to the White House this morning.
Instead of the usual briefing, a two-hour rant from Trump about how the 2020 election was rigged, everyone else but him is a cheating crook, and the world is against him, Ivanka Trump took the lectern. Wearing a doctor’s white coat, she boldly announced her latest money-making enterprise.
As from Monday next week, for a fee of $10,000 per jab, Ivanka is offering inoculations against the Covid-19 virus. The service, that will be operated from a pop-up clinic in the laundry room of a Trump hotel in downtown Manhattan, is aimed at the celebrity market, and those too dumb to know the value of money.
“I’m delighted to be able to offer this service to the eagerly awaiting American elite,” crowed Ivanka. “I’ve bought all the equipment already, a ton of the vaccine, and half a dozen needles. I don’t need a facemask. I’ll keep a window open.”
When quizzed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano, as to the source of the vaccine, bearing in mind, as yet, one isn’t approved for use in the US, Ivanka snapped, “You’re a nosey little creep, aren’t you?”
However, when pressed by the reporter from the UK gardening magazine Thyme for an answer, Ivanka told the press pack that she would be using the Russian ‘Sputnik Vee’ vaccine, a product not even authorised for use yet in Russia.
“Uncle Vlad sold me a batch real cheap,” simpered Ivanka. “Apparently, a rat fell into the mixing vat, so the batch wouldn’t have passed their stringent hygiene rules, but he assured me it’s okay for use in America.”
The news of this latest money-making scam from Ivanka has caused an outrage in many circles, not least those of the US medical professionals.
Quick to condemn the enterprise was Dr Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
“This is plain crazy,” barked Fauci from a safe place underneath his virus-proof bed. “No vaccine has yet been approved for use in America, and especially not the Russian Sputnik Vee. This enterprise is dumb, dangerous, and highly illegal, and too expensive at $10,000 a shot. $7,000 would be more reasonable. That’s all I have in my savings.”
However, not everyone is against this business. It is understood that Trump’s swivel-eyed pet lunatic and personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has threatened crippling legal action against anybody dumb enough to try and stop the clinic opening. The dumpy porcine legal-eagle apparently has invested in the enterprise.
“I bought the needles,” smirked Giuliani, black dye streaking down the sides of his fat, sweaty face, “so keep your mouths shut unless you want to be bogged down in a quagmire of brutal litigation for the rest of your shitty, little lives.”
Apparently, first in the queue for a jab will be the screen actor Johnny Depp, who shelled out the ten grand as soon as the service was announced, believing it to be an illegal substance he could abuse.


thespoof--2020-12-06--Dr. Fauci Says President Trump Needs To Visit An Exorcist

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – RumorLand News is reporting that Dr. Anthony Fauci , who is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases , has made his strongest comment yet , regarding the President .
Dr. Fauci , who has an approval rating of 93.9 % , compared to Trump ’ s measly approval rating of 19.1 % , commented to RN ’ s Ty Quickmester that he has been wanting to say that POTUS needs to visit an exorcist , and as soon as humanly possible .
The highly-respected doctor , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Oscar , and a Salmon Cooking Award , says that Trump is positively and without-any-shadow-of-a doubt responsible for every American victim of his Trumpapalooza virus .
He pointed out that DJT was not named president by the Electoral College back in 2016 , to spend over 50 hours a week out on his own personal golf courses , and filling all four of his pockets with taxpayers ' hard-earned money .
And , on a personal level , Dr. Fauci added that the American people did not want to see a married president @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tournaments , and lovers lanes with a woman who is not his own wife [ i.e .
Hope Hicks ] .
When Quickmester asked the good doctor if he had an exorcist in mind , he replied that there is a fantastic exorcist who has had a 99.93 % success rate with his clients .
Dr. Fauci said that he gave Trump Louisiana exorcist , Bonaventure de Etoufee 's personal cell phone number , and he hopes that the downhill roller calls him .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – RumorLand News is reporting that Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has made his strongest comment yet, regarding the President.
Dr. Fauci, who has an approval rating of 93.9%, compared to Trump’s measly approval rating of 19.1%, commented to RN’s Ty Quickmester that he has been wanting to say that POTUS needs to visit an exorcist, and as soon as humanly possible.
The highly-respected doctor, who has won an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Salmon Cooking Award, says that Trump is positively and without-any-shadow-of-a doubt responsible for every American victim of his Trumpapalooza virus.
He pointed out that DJT was not named president by the Electoral College back in 2016, to spend over 50 hours a week out on his own personal golf courses, and filling all four of his pockets with taxpayers' hard-earned money.
And, on a personal level, Dr. Fauci added that the American people did not want to see a married president going to picnics, concerts, golf tournaments, and lovers lanes with a woman who is not his own wife [i.e. Hope Hicks].
When Quickmester asked the good doctor if he had an exorcist in mind, he replied that there is a fantastic exorcist who has had a 99.93% success rate with his clients.
Dr. Fauci said that he gave Trump Louisiana exorcist, Bonaventure de Etoufee's personal cell phone number, and he hopes that the downhill roller calls him.


thespoof--2020-12-07--Why Talk To The Monkey (Sleepy Joe) When You can Talk To The Organ Grinder (George Soros)?

BILLINGSGATE POST : If there were any doubt about who is the monkey and who is the organ grinder running the Democrat Party , this doubt was cast aside with the news that the president of George Soros ’ Open Society Foundations , Patrick Gaspard , will resign , opening the way for him to take a possible position in the Biden administration .
Gaspard , who has served on the Hungarian-born billionaire ’ s foundation for three years , announced Friday that he will step down at the end of the year , Open Society said .
Gaspard previously @ @ @ @ @ @ @ between 2013 and 2016 in the Obama administration .
Before that , he served as director of the White House Office of Political Affairs .
There is speculation he could join the Biden administration , possibly as Labor secretary .
He has previous experience with labor unions -- having worked for the Service Employees International Union ( SEIU . )
In a statement , Gaspard said he wishes to re-enter politics to continue “ the struggle against oppression everywhere.
” “ Fundamental social change doesn ’ t customarily occur in a revolutionary moment @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the partnership of activists , government , and the nonprofit sector , collaborating over time and space in unity and solidarity , ” he said .
`` This is what I worked to do at Open Society .
My commitment now will be to re-enter the world of politics and ideas , where I can continue the struggle against oppression everywhere.
” Slim : “ This ain ’ t funny .
Has Dr. Billingsgate lost his sense of humor ?
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
Must be something he ate @ @ @ @

BILLINGSGATE POST: If there were any doubt about who is the monkey and who is the organ grinder running the Democrat Party, this doubt was cast aside with the news that the president of George Soros’ Open Society Foundations, Patrick Gaspard, will resign, opening the way for him to take a possible position in the Biden administration.
Gaspard, who has served on the Hungarian-born billionaire’s foundation for three years, announced Friday that he will step down at the end of the year, Open Society said.
Gaspard previously served as U.S. ambassador to South Africa between 2013 and 2016 in the Obama administration. Before that, he served as director of the White House Office of Political Affairs.
There is speculation he could join the Biden administration, possibly as Labor secretary. He has previous experience with labor unions -- having worked for the Service Employees International Union (SEIU.)
In a statement, Gaspard said he wishes to re-enter politics to continue “the struggle against oppression everywhere.”
“Fundamental social change doesn’t customarily occur in a revolutionary moment. Instead, what is needed is the partnership of activists, government, and the nonprofit sector, collaborating over time and space in unity and solidarity,” he said. "This is what I worked to do at Open Society. My commitment now will be to re-enter the world of politics and ideas, where I can continue the struggle against oppression everywhere.”
Slim: “This ain’t funny. Has Dr. Billingsgate lost his sense of humor?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Must be something he ate last night.”


thespoof--2020-12-08--The Pussy Grabber Wants To Give Himself A Pardon

The very same guy , Donald Trump , who said he likes to grab a woman by the pussy , “ …and you can get away with it because you ’ re famous… ” now wants to issue a Self Pardon .
That 's old hat !
He can get away with pussy-grabbing because he 's famous .
Nah !
Donald Trump wants to issue a self-pardon before leaving the White House for his negative job performance as President of the United States .
Pardon himself ?
Gosh , Caligula never did that .
Neither did Adolf Hitler , Ivan @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Joseph Stalin .
Trump also wants to pardon his children Donald Jr. , Ivanka , Eric , and wife Be Best .
It seems they each may have done something wrong , and it would be a good idea to give the kids a Stay Out Of Jail card .
While Tony Soprano , Lucky Luciano , and Al Capone never pardoned family members , it 's an excellent example of forward thinking .
Too bad Trump failed to exercise any forward thinking when the coronavirus first case was announced back in December @ @ @ @ @ @ @ himself and his family members is sort of like a form of a vaccine .
And , this time , Trump thinks he can get away with it because he 's president .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

The very same guy, Donald Trump, who said he likes to grab a woman by the pussy, “…and you can get away with it because you’re famous…” now wants to issue a Self Pardon.
For pussy grabbing?
That's old hat! He can get away with pussy-grabbing because he's famous. Nah! Donald Trump wants to issue a self-pardon before leaving the White House for his negative job performance as President of the United States.
Pardon himself? Gosh, Caligula never did that. Neither did Adolf Hitler, Ivan the Terrible, Richard II, or Joseph Stalin.
Trump also wants to pardon his children Donald Jr., Ivanka, Eric, and wife Be Best. It seems they each may have done something wrong, and it would be a good idea to give the kids a Stay Out Of Jail card.
While Tony Soprano, Lucky Luciano, and Al Capone never pardoned family members, it's an excellent example of forward thinking. Too bad Trump failed to exercise any forward thinking when the coronavirus first case was announced back in December of 2019.
However, to pardon himself and his family members is sort of like a form of a vaccine. And, this time, Trump thinks he can get away with it because he's president.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-12-08--President Trump Has Become One Big Orange Ball of Stress

LOOSE WOMAN , Georgia – ( Satire News ) – President Trump , desperate to rake in even more money , spoke before a crowd of 1.3 million maskless supporters ( his estimate ) , in Loose Woman , Georgia .
Trump opened up with blatant lie after blatant lie , stating that he is going to give every man , woman , and child a stimulus check in the amount of $ 15,000 tax-free for Christmas .
The Pied Piper of the Potomac ’ s followers roared so loud they drowned out a low-flying 747 jet .
A close @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has become one huge orange ball of stress .
He noted that he is even starting to imagine that illegal aliens dressed as bananas are coming from Costa Rica to take him , Rudy Giuliani , and Hope Hicks back to Germany .
POTUS said that he is not afraid , because his son , Eric , has just given him two illegal , semi-automatic weapons , that he used to murder friendly animals in Zimbabwe , Mozambique , and secretly at the Tarzana Petting Zoo , in Tarzana , California .
Meanwhile @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his golf game is suffering , and added that the last three times he played , he shot a 70 , a 67 , and a 71 .

LOOSE WOMAN, Georgia – (Satire News) – President Trump, desperate to rake in even more money, spoke before a crowd of 1.3 million maskless supporters (his estimate), in Loose Woman, Georgia.
Trump opened up with blatant lie after blatant lie, stating that he is going to give every man, woman, and child a stimulus check in the amount of $15,000 tax-free for Christmas.
The Pied Piper of the Potomac’s followers roared so loud they drowned out a low-flying 747 jet.
A close aide to Trump commented that the President has become one huge orange ball of stress.
He noted that he is even starting to imagine that illegal aliens dressed as bananas are coming from Costa Rica to take him, Rudy Giuliani, and Hope Hicks back to Germany.
POTUS said that he is not afraid, because his son, Eric, has just given him two illegal, semi-automatic weapons, that he used to murder friendly animals in Zimbabwe, Mozambique, and secretly at the Tarzana Petting Zoo, in Tarzana, California.
Meanwhile, the stressed-out soon-to-be ex-president says that his golf game is suffering, and added that the last three times he played, he shot a 70, a 67, and a 71.


thespoof--2020-12-08--Local Man Comes to the Conclusion that Neighbor is Just Plain Mean

After years of living next door to a man perceived to just have an abrasive sense of humor , a local man has finally determined his neighbor is just plain mean .
Mike Mitty , owner of Mighty Mike Mitty Muffallettas , moved in next door to the man he came to know as Jack Schitt seven years ago , and thought there was an immediate bond .
`` I first saw him out in the yard repairing a broken sewer line .
The stench was awful in the middle of August , a mixture of feedlot runoff and toxic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this four foot trench , knee deep on his own putified excrement just drinking a beer .
I spotted his name on the mailbox , '' Mitty noted .
“ So I greeted him cheerfully , you know , making the first friendly gesture .
I said , 'You 're in deep , Schitt ! '
acknowledging the amount of labor it obviously took to dig that trench .
And the first thing he told me was to stay the hell off his lawn , ” said Mitty .
`` Here he had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ patch of rutted dirt that passed for a front yard , not a speck of grass or even weeds in sight .
I laughed so hard , I couldn ’ t catch my breath , '' said Mitty .
`` It was hilarious the way he said that with such a straight face . ''
Mitty knew he had just found his newest best friend .
For years to come , Mitty could always look forward to a humorous remark or witty retort every time he encountered Schitt .
`` That Schitt was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said Mitty .
`` After 10 or 12 hours of taking sandwich orders , it was refreshing to have Schitt to look forward to .
Whether it was him calling my shirt and pants combination ‘ 50 Shades of Gay ’ or referring to my Prius as a ‘ Vagina with Wheels ’ he could always find a way to tickle my funny bone . ''
In fact , Mitty long suspected Schitt was a freelance comedy writer .
`` He never went to a regular job , but he always had money @ @ @ @ @ @ @ up , much like a writer .
Besides tinkering with broken down cars and an occasional dog fight in the backyard , he was fairly reserved , '' said Mitty .
`` But , his comedic comments were original Schitt ! ''
However , Mitty had an abrupt change of perspective late last week after his neighbor allegedly knocked him unconscious with an empty whiskey bottle .
`` I was leaving early for work and all I remember is waking up in the hospital , '' said the mildly medicated Mitty .
His @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was arrested for criminal assault with a dangerous weapon , as well as maintaining a drug lab .
The neighbor is reportedly pleading temporary insanity as a result of chronic constipation and an all-night bender .
The situation apparently came to an unpredictably explosive end , much like a gas-propelled mass of impacted feces , after being greeted cheerfully by Mitty with , `` Having an early morning , Schitt ? ''
During booking , however , it was revealed that the neighbor ’ s name is really ‘ Zack Schmitt ’ .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ frowned and shook his head incredulously .
`` Whoa !
Well , that ’ s certainly an unfortunate misunderstanding .
Somebody could have just told me , you know .
It does demonstrate the need to touch up one 's mailbox periodically , but damn , that 's harsh ! ''
Mitty has allegedly retained an attorney .
Peter Johnson has a good reputation as a civil attorney , but has been accused by some of being a complete dick .

After years of living next door to a man perceived to just have an abrasive sense of humor, a local man has finally determined his neighbor is just plain mean.
Mike Mitty, owner of Mighty Mike Mitty Muffallettas, moved in next door to the man he came to know as Jack Schitt seven years ago, and thought there was an immediate bond.
"I first saw him out in the yard repairing a broken sewer line. The stench was awful in the middle of August, a mixture of feedlot runoff and toxic waste. And there he was in this four foot trench, knee deep on his own putified excrement just drinking a beer. I spotted his name on the mailbox," Mitty noted.
“So I greeted him cheerfully, you know, making the first friendly gesture. I said, 'You're in deep, Schitt!' acknowledging the amount of labor it obviously took to dig that trench. And the first thing he told me was to stay the hell off his lawn,” said Mitty.
"Here he had four dead cars parked on an oil-stained patch of rutted dirt that passed for a front yard, not a speck of grass or even weeds in sight. I laughed so hard, I couldn’t catch my breath," said Mitty. "It was hilarious the way he said that with such a straight face."
Mitty knew he had just found his newest best friend.
For years to come, Mitty could always look forward to a humorous remark or witty retort every time he encountered Schitt. "That Schitt was the highlight of my day," said Mitty.
"After 10 or 12 hours of taking sandwich orders, it was refreshing to have Schitt to look forward to. Whether it was him calling my shirt and pants combination ‘50 Shades of Gay’ or referring to my Prius as a ‘Vagina with Wheels’ he could always find a way to tickle my funny bone."
In fact, Mitty long suspected Schitt was a freelance comedy writer. "He never went to a regular job, but he always had money. He spent most of the night up, much like a writer. Besides tinkering with broken down cars and an occasional dog fight in the backyard, he was fairly reserved," said Mitty. "But, his comedic comments were original Schitt!"
However, Mitty had an abrupt change of perspective late last week after his neighbor allegedly knocked him unconscious with an empty whiskey bottle. "I was leaving early for work and all I remember is waking up in the hospital," said the mildly medicated Mitty.
His neighbor immediately turned himself into police and was arrested for criminal assault with a dangerous weapon, as well as maintaining a drug lab. The neighbor is reportedly pleading temporary insanity as a result of chronic constipation and an all-night bender. The situation apparently came to an unpredictably explosive end, much like a gas-propelled mass of impacted feces, after being greeted cheerfully by Mitty with, "Having an early morning, Schitt?"
During booking, however, it was revealed that the neighbor’s name is really ‘Zack Schmitt’. When informed of this fact, Mitty frowned and shook his head incredulously.
"Whoa! Well, that’s certainly an unfortunate misunderstanding. Somebody could have just told me, you know. It does demonstrate the need to touch up one's mailbox periodically, but damn, that's harsh!"
Mitty has allegedly retained an attorney. Peter Johnson has a good reputation as a civil attorney, but has been accused by some of being a complete dick.


thespoof--2020-12-09--Extraterrestrial Galactic Federation Meets With President Trump

BILLINGSGATE POST : Haim Eshed , a former chief of the Israel Defense Ministry ’ s space directorate , says that extraterrestrials from a Galactic Federation have been in contact with him , that President Trump is aware of this , and was previously `` on the verge of revealing '' extraterrestrials ' existence if he were re-elected .
“ Humanity is not ready yet , '' the 87-year-old former space security chief said , referring to the group of extraterrestrials as a `` Galactic Federation '' .
“ They have formally asked that we not reveal that they are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were on an intergalactic expedition seeking to research `` the fabric of the universe '' and that a cooperation agreement had been signed with President Trump which includes a joint secret underground base on Mars , where there are American astronauts and alien representatives working together for a better universe .
`` There is an agreement between the U.S. government and the aliens .
They signed a contract with President Trump to do experiments here , '' Eshed said .
Eshed , who led Israel ’ s space program for 30 years , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Israel Security Award , said Trump had previously been `` on the verge of revealing '' information on the extraterrestrial group but was asked not to , in order to prevent `` mass hysteria . ''
`` They [ the Galactic Federation ] have been waiting for humanity to develop and reach a stage where we will understand , in general , that , just because aliens have antennas and teacup eyes , they have feelings , too , '' Eshed said .
`` If I had come up with what I 'm @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would have been sent to a funny farm .
They would have been chasing me around the grounds with giant butterfly nets.
” Although the White House and the Department of Defense would not comment on this , it is understood that in a secret meeting during the previous administration , Biden attempted to stick his nose between the antennas of a female gallacteer and was shocked when she grabbed his nuts and ball-walked the silly bastard into a corner .
Before they were separated by Secret Service Agents , she was heard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she would wait for “ an individual of high moral character ” , before she would allow such intimate behavior with an earthling .
Apparently , she was referring to President Trump .
Slim : “ I wonder if the Trumpster got into her intergalactic knickers ?
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Haim Eshed, a former chief of the Israel Defense Ministry’s space directorate, says that extraterrestrials from a Galactic Federation have been in contact with him, that President Trump is aware of this, and was previously "on the verge of revealing" extraterrestrials' existence if he were re-elected.
“Humanity is not ready yet," the 87-year-old former space security chief said, referring to the group of extraterrestrials as a "Galactic Federation".
“They have formally asked that we not reveal that they are here.”
Eshed added that the aliens were on an intergalactic expedition seeking to research "the fabric of the universe" and that a cooperation agreement had been signed with President Trump which includes a joint secret underground base on Mars, where there are American astronauts and alien representatives working together for a better universe.
"There is an agreement between the U.S. government and the aliens. They signed a contract with President Trump to do experiments here," Eshed said.
Eshed, who led Israel’s space program for 30 years, and is a three-time recipient of the Israel Security Award, said Trump had previously been "on the verge of revealing" information on the extraterrestrial group but was asked not to, in order to prevent "mass hysteria."
"They [the Galactic Federation] have been waiting for humanity to develop and reach a stage where we will understand, in general, that, just because aliens have antennas and teacup eyes, they have feelings, too," Eshed said.
"If I had come up with what I'm saying today five years ago, I would have been sent to a funny farm. They would have been chasing me around the grounds with giant butterfly nets.”
Although the White House and the Department of Defense would not comment on this, it is understood that in a secret meeting during the previous administration, Biden attempted to stick his nose between the antennas of a female gallacteer and was shocked when she grabbed his nuts and ball-walked the silly bastard into a corner.
Before they were separated by Secret Service Agents, she was heard whispering in Biden’s ear that she would wait for “an individual of high moral character”, before she would allow such intimate behavior with an earthling.
Apparently, she was referring to President Trump.
Slim: “I wonder if the Trumpster got into her intergalactic knickers?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He’s cool. You don’t f*ck with Galactic Federation Officials.”


thespoof--2020-12-09--Source: White House Ordering Reams of Paper Shredders

The White House is said to be ordering large amounts of paper shredders and burn barrels , as it appears likely that Donald Trump will not win re-election .
According to a source within the Administration , who spoke off the record , ventilators originally intended for the fight against Covid-19 are being re-manufactured as industrial grade paper shredders .
“ This is being treated as a no-bid contract with vendors who have security clearances , ” said the high-ranking government official .
“ Because of the sensitive nature of the project , the vendors are charging hundreds of thousands @ @ @ @ @ @ @ asked.
” The official went on to say that “ the suppliers are trying to justify the inflated cost by claiming the shredders can handle paper of any color , pages that are printed on two sides and inserted upside down or sideways .
It ’ s all bullshit.
” There has also reportedly been a steady delivery of so called ‘ burn barrels ’ that are being used to incinerate computer hard drives , cellular phones , pill bottles and other items .
Some members of the White House landscape crew have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by administration officials to “ burn the hell out of whatever we bring to you.
” Said one , “ They have us roll out these barrels out back by the rear service entrance .
As soon as the sun goes down , we ’ re firing up .
I ’ m not so sure it ’ s legal , but the overtime is pretty good.
” When asked about the possibilities of the wholesale destruction of government property , a White House spokesperson called the accusations “ fake news ” .
She @ @ @ @ @ @ @ duty to the American people includes the safe keeping of sensitive materials .
In some cases , the president may decide that their existence is a threat to national security .
”

The White House is said to be ordering large amounts of paper shredders and burn barrels, as it appears likely that Donald Trump will not win re-election. According to a source within the Administration, who spoke off the record, ventilators originally intended for the fight against Covid-19 are being re-manufactured as industrial grade paper shredders.
“This is being treated as a no-bid contract with vendors who have security clearances,” said the high-ranking government official. “Because of the sensitive nature of the project, the vendors are charging hundreds of thousands of dollars per unit with no questions asked.”
The official went on to say that “the suppliers are trying to justify the inflated cost by claiming the shredders can handle paper of any color, pages that are printed on two sides and inserted upside down or sideways. It’s all bullshit.”
There has also reportedly been a steady delivery of so called ‘burn barrels’ that are being used to incinerate computer hard drives, cellular phones, pill bottles and other items. Some members of the White House landscape crew have reported that they’ve been instructed by administration officials to “burn the hell out of whatever we bring to you.”
Said one, “They have us roll out these barrels out back by the rear service entrance. As soon as the sun goes down, we’re firing up. I’m not so sure it’s legal, but the overtime is pretty good.”
When asked about the possibilities of the wholesale destruction of government property, a White House spokesperson called the accusations “fake news”. She went on to say: “Our duty to the American people includes the safe keeping of sensitive materials. In some cases, the president may decide that their existence is a threat to national security.”


thespoof--2020-12-09--Lonely old f*ck takes jab for stipend; offers other arm for further scientific research

News of the Covid-19 vaccination process now indicates it is a two-stage process , jabs one month apart .
Women are warned that infertility may accompany the vaccination during this two-month period .
Also , a certain amount of discomfort , or pain , must be accepted as part of the inoculations .
Once again in the news , a lonely old f*ck ( LOF ) has come forward with his experience .
Homeless , this LOF gentleman has said he was much encouraged by a recent proposal in congress to pay a $ 1,500 stipend to encourage people to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ jab '' tents are currently being established .
Interviewed at his home in some bushes along railroad tracks where other homeless have helped him in this time of crisis , we now have a full report on this LOF 's experience .
*I took the jab thinking $ 1,500 , and maybe I could get a motel for a night or two ( or funeral home expenses ! )
; *At home to my bushes , right away the arm was so painful could n't lift it ; *A raging headache started in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and I was so tired I could n't help others along the tracks looking for crusts of bread or whatever ; *The joints were aching plus chills so bad ( but it was cold in the bushes there ) .
*Then I got the fever .
*Fever went up and up , so I thought the hospital you know , around the corner , but they could n't take me .
*Because they needed to keep space open for people with Covid of some type , whether serious or not .
*Besides , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ aid since I already took the vaccination , and , as one of them put it , “ We wo n't let the corpses pile up here !
” *Lost 18 pounds , but temp down to 101 degrees or so , I figure , so what the hell !
*Now , Governor , how about my other arm or I have a pretty decent thigh would do ?
Huh ?
A second round of two jabs per , just to make sure ?
The Governor involved here , Mr. Newsom , has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Another stipend ?
Er , umm , er , but this LOF certainly has heroic spirit !
True patriot .
What 's that ?
” “ Now , the homeless everywhere in the state ( also due to these rolling lockdowns ) -- you know that really is unfortunate.
” “ Yes , we wo n't let the corpses pile up in California , especially in San Francisco , along with all the feces on the sidewalks there .
”

News of the Covid-19 vaccination process now indicates it is a two-stage process, jabs one month apart.
Women are warned that infertility may accompany the vaccination during this two-month period.
Also, a certain amount of discomfort, or pain, must be accepted as part of the inoculations.
Once again in the news, a lonely old f*ck (LOF) has come forward with his experience.
Homeless, this LOF gentleman has said he was much encouraged by a recent proposal in congress to pay a $1,500 stipend to encourage people to get the jab.
"Cash for jab" tents are currently being established.
Interviewed at his home in some bushes along railroad tracks where other homeless have helped him in this time of crisis, we now have a full report on this LOF's experience.
His report:
*I took the jab thinking $1,500, and maybe I could get a motel for a night or two (or funeral home expenses!);
*At home to my bushes, right away the arm was so painful couldn't lift it;
*A raging headache started in (Bayer did nothing for it) and I was so tired I couldn't help others along the tracks looking for crusts of bread or whatever;
*The joints were aching plus chills so bad (but it was cold in the bushes there).
*Then I got the fever.
*Fever went up and up, so I thought the hospital you know, around the corner, but they couldn't take me.
*Because they needed to keep space open for people with Covid of some type, whether serious or not.
*Besides, they said I wasn't eligible for aid since I already took the vaccination, and, as one of them put it, “We won't let the corpses pile up here!”
*Lost 18 pounds, but temp down to 101 degrees or so, I figure, so what the hell!
*Another $1,500 maybe??;
*Now, Governor, how about my other arm or I have a pretty decent thigh would do? Huh? A second round of two jabs per, just to make sure?
The Governor involved here, Mr. Newsom, has responded, through a representative:
“Another stipend? Er, umm, er, but this LOF certainly has heroic spirit! True patriot. What's that?”
“Now, the homeless everywhere in the state (also due to these rolling lockdowns)--you know that really is unfortunate.”
“And?”
“Yes, we won't let the corpses pile up in California, especially in San Francisco, along with all the feces on the sidewalks there.”


thespoof--2020-12-09--President Trump Is Having 9,000 Covid Vaccines Shipped to The White House

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A source inside the White House has said that Pfizer Pharmaceuticals will be shipping the first vaccines out of their factory to the White House .
The unnamed source said that he actually saw the purchase order that was personally signed by President Trump .
Since viewing the order sent to Pfizer , the White House source learned from one of the maids , that Trump is planning on selling the entire 9,000 vaccines to his closest staff members , friends , and relatives .
Trump being ever the shrewd businessman @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , which he will be selling for $ 3,750 each .
When iRumors asked the President about these amazing personal vaccine purchases , he angrily replied that he is getting tired of people asking him so many `` Gotcha '' questions He then added , in his patented narcissistic Trumpian voice , that if he wants to buy all the vaccines that Pfizer , Moderna , and AstraZeneca have on stock , then he will damn well do it , since that is just one of the nice perks of being king , @ @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A source inside the White House has said that Pfizer Pharmaceuticals will be shipping the first vaccines out of their factory to the White House.
The unnamed source said that he actually saw the purchase order that was personally signed by President Trump.
Since viewing the order sent to Pfizer, the White House source learned from one of the maids, that Trump is planning on selling the entire 9,000 vaccines to his closest staff members, friends, and relatives.
Trump being ever the shrewd businessman, has since ordered 30,000 more vaccines, which he will be selling for $3,750 each.
When iRumors asked the President about these amazing personal vaccine purchases, he angrily replied that he is getting tired of people asking him so many "Gotcha" questions
He then added, in his patented narcissistic Trumpian voice, that if he wants to buy all the vaccines that Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca have on stock, then he will damn well do it, since that is just one of the nice perks of being king, ah president of the United States.


thespoof--2020-12-10--Justices Offer to Hand Over Presidency to Trump if Ted Cruz Promises to Stay Away From Supreme Court

Justices Offer to Hand Over Presidency to Trump if Ted Cruz Promises to Stay Away From Supreme Court Building

Washington - All nine members of the United States Supreme Court signed a legal brief agreeing to reverse the results @ @ @ @ @ providing that President Trump and the state of Texas withdraw their threat of subjecting the @ @ @ @ @ legal arguments and abrasive whining from Texas Senator Ted Cruz .
Even liberal justices on @ @ @ @ @ Sonia Sotomayor , gave up on their duties to try and save the U.S. democracy @ @ @ @ @ it was announced that the annoying Senator would deliver screeching nonsensical conspiracy theories about voter @ @ @ @ @ up to three days in front of the SCOTUS jurists .
“ I like beer @ @ @ @ @ suds will be sufficient to deal with having to listen to Cruz , ” said @ @ @ @

Washington - All nine members of the United States Supreme Court signed a legal brief agreeing to reverse the results of the Presidential election, providing that President Trump and the state of Texas withdraw their threat of subjecting the panel to hours of poorly-attempted legal arguments and abrasive whining from Texas Senator Ted Cruz.
Even liberal justices on the high court, like Sonia Sotomayor, gave up on their duties to try and save the U.S. democracy and rule of law when it was announced that the annoying Senator would deliver screeching nonsensical conspiracy theories about voter fraud and logic-twisting pleadings for up to three days in front of the SCOTUS jurists.
“I like beer, but no amount of suds will be sufficient to deal with having to listen to Cruz,” said Justice Brett Kavanaugh.


thespoof--2020-12-10--Trump Mistakenly Pardons Hunter Biden

Trump Mistakenly Pardons Hunter Biden

The White House , Washington , D. C. - Overwhelmed by an enormous pile of pardons for members of his family , numerous aides , and some really bad guys , President Donald Trump inadvertently signed one for Biden Hunter , the son of President-elect Joe Biden .
By signing it and sending it to the Justice Department , as Trump has done - even though in error - Hunter is now immune to any charges that federal prosecutors may have filed regarding his income taxes .
Since the pardon reads `` on any and all charges that may arise @ @ @ @ @ @ @ now precluded .
The number of pardons is estimated at several hundred , far more than any other president has given as he left office .
When made aware of his error , Trump tweeted that a reporter for the mainstream media probably had slipped the Biden pardon into the pile during an interview .
`` In the future - what there is left of it - I 'll only let in reporters from Fox , One America News and NewsMax .
They 're the only ones I can trust .
Well , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ `` even Fox is n't always reliable . ''

The White House, Washington, D. C. - Overwhelmed by an enormous pile of pardons for members of his family, numerous aides, and some really bad guys, President Donald Trump inadvertently signed one for Biden Hunter, the son of President-elect Joe Biden. By signing it and sending it to the Justice Department, as Trump has done - even though in error - Hunter is now immune to any charges that federal prosecutors may have filed regarding his income taxes. Since the pardon reads "on any and all charges that may arise", all federal criminal prosecution is now precluded.
The number of pardons is estimated at several hundred, far more than any other president has given as he left office.
When made aware of his error, Trump tweeted that a reporter for the mainstream media probably had slipped the Biden pardon into the pile during an interview. "In the future - what there is left of it - I'll only let in reporters from Fox, One America News and NewsMax. They're the only ones I can trust. Well," he said as an afterthought, "even Fox isn't always reliable."


Melania Trump Faints

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Kayleigh McEnany , the official White House # brown noser , # kiss ass , # stooge , informed the news media that the First Lady did , in fact , faint .
McEnany stated that Mrs. Trump was sitting at a desk , filing her nails , when , all of a sudden , she fainted .
The President said that it was about seven minutes before he noticed that she had fainted , because he was engrossed in watching his new favorite TV media personality , Maria Bartiromo .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ his wife , when she fainted , her head landed on the softest piece of furniture in the entire bedroom , an Early Attila The Hun Coffee Table , which was made from soft refurbished particle board .
Mrs. Trump was rushed to the Dr. Charles T. Pepper Hospital , where she received 9 stitches to her head , 6 to her gluteus maximus , and 2 to her labia majora .
The First lady 's attending physician , Dr. Pepper , commented that Mrs. Trump was resting comfortably , eating sopapillas , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ The Housewives of Intercourse , Pennsylvania .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Kayleigh McEnany, the official White House #brown noser, #kiss ass, #stooge, informed the news media that the First Lady did, in fact, faint.
McEnany stated that Mrs. Trump was sitting at a desk, filing her nails, when, all of a sudden, she fainted.
The President said that it was about seven minutes before he noticed that she had fainted, because he was engrossed in watching his new favorite TV media personality, Maria Bartiromo.
Trump said that, luckily, for his wife, when she fainted, her head landed on the softest piece of furniture in the entire bedroom, an Early Attila The Hun Coffee Table, which was made from soft refurbished particle board.
Mrs. Trump was rushed to the Dr. Charles T. Pepper Hospital, where she received 9 stitches to her head, 6 to her gluteus maximus, and 2 to her labia majora.
The First lady's attending physician, Dr. Pepper, commented that Mrs. Trump was resting comfortably, eating sopapillas, and binge-watching episodes of the reality show, “The Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.”


thespoof--2020-12-10--The CIA May Shut Down Trump’s International Hotel

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A CIA investigation has revealed that the Trump International Hotel charged certain visiting dignitaries as much as twice the going rate for a luxury suite , and may be shut down .
RumorLand News reported that President Moongawa Poontanga , of Upper Titaluna , informed the D.C.. Police Department that he and his wife Janice , were billed $ 9,400 for a two-night stay .
He added the sign behind the door clearly stated the room rents for $ 1,300 per night , not $ 4,700 .
He immediately called the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the CIA Human Resources Department , who then passed it on to the Virginia Department of Confusion .
The CIA was able to ascertain that President and Mrs. Poontanga did not mention that they had drunk 28 of those mini-drink liquor bottles , and eaten 17 bags of corn chips , 16 bags of potato chips , along with 20 reconstituted avocados .
The CIA viewed hotel room video that clearly showed the Poontangas stole 4 pillows , 2 bars of soap , shower curtains , and a mini-refrigerator .
The CIA has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and President Trump has said that he will sign a Presidential Executive Order absolving the hotel of any wrongdoing .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A CIA investigation has revealed that the Trump International Hotel charged certain visiting dignitaries as much as twice the going rate for a luxury suite, and may be shut down.
RumorLand News reported that President Moongawa Poontanga, of Upper Titaluna, informed the D.C.. Police Department that he and his wife Janice, were billed $9,400 for a two-night stay.
He added the sign behind the door clearly stated the room rents for $1,300 per night, not $4,700.
He immediately called the IRS, who referred the incident to the CIA Human Resources Department, who then passed it on to the Virginia Department of Confusion.
The CIA was able to ascertain that President and Mrs. Poontanga did not mention that they had drunk 28 of those mini-drink liquor bottles, and eaten 17 bags of corn chips, 16 bags of potato chips, along with 20 reconstituted avocados.
The CIA viewed hotel room video that clearly showed the Poontangas stole 4 pillows, 2 bars of soap, shower curtains, and a mini-refrigerator.
The CIA has talked to the owner of the hotel, and President Trump has said that he will sign a Presidential Executive Order absolving the hotel of any wrongdoing.


thespoof--2020-12-11--President Trump Seen Through Window Wearing Basque

There can be fewer things more embarrassing than actually 'being President Donald Trump ' at the moment , but the @ @ @ @ @ better this week , when he was seen through a window at the White House @ @ @ @ @ An eagle-eyed tourist with binoculars , on a sightseeing trip to Washington , D.C. , @ @ @ @ @ basque with black lacy frills through a window on the second floor .
The sexy @ @ @ @ @ stockings , suspenders and stiletto high-heel shoes .
The President was looking in a hand @ @ @ @ @ 's not known why Mr. Trump might have been wearing the tight-fitting costume , but @ @ @ @ @ .
An earlier claim , last week , that Trump 's son , Eric , @ @ @ @ @ French maid 's outfit , and holding a feather duster , remain unconfirmed .

There can be fewer things more embarrassing than actually 'being President Donald Trump' at the moment, but the soon-to-be-ousted US leader went one better this week, when he was seen through a window at the White House wearing a sexy basque.
An eagle-eyed tourist with binoculars, on a sightseeing trip to Washington, D.C., spied Trump sporting the red basque with black lacy frills through a window on the second floor. The sexy bodice was complemented by black stockings, suspenders and stiletto high-heel shoes.
The President was looking in a hand mirror, pouting.
It's not known why Mr. Trump might have been wearing the tight-fitting costume, but it hardly needs much speculation.
An earlier claim, last week, that Trump's son, Eric, had been seen in a French maid's outfit, and holding a feather duster, remain unconfirmed.