thespoof--2020-02-19--The Number One Thing About Bernie Sanders That Turns People Off

DUCKWATER , Nevada – Bernie Sanders was campaigning in Duckwater , Nevada , which is famous for being the only city west of the Mississippi River that Mrs. Abraham Lincoln ever visited .
Sanders was interviewed by a reporter with The Las Vegas Citizen-News .
The Bernster was asked if he felt that , at 78 , he may just be a little too 'long in the tooth ' to be running for the leader of the free world .
Bernie , opened his mouth and replied , “ Look inside my mouth , Junior .
Tell me , do @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
” The reporter replied that he didn ’ t .
“ So , are you happy now ?
... you little wimpy , wet-nosed whippersnapper , you.
” The reporter grinned as he commented , “ Mr .
Sanders , Lou Dobbs of Fox News said that recent polls show that lots of Democrats are turned off by your silly-as-hell hair comb-over , and he added that you are n't really fooling anyone . ''
Sanders stood up in front of the reporter , pointed a finger in his face , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ say this about that , and listen to me good , bitch .
You and Lou 'The Fat Pig ' Dobbs can both kiss my Vermont molasses-gathering ass , ya hear .
”

DUCKWATER, Nevada – Bernie Sanders was campaigning in Duckwater, Nevada, which is famous for being the only city west of the Mississippi River that Mrs. Abraham Lincoln ever visited.
Sanders was interviewed by a reporter with The Las Vegas Citizen-News. The Bernster was asked if he felt that, at 78, he may just be a little too 'long in the tooth' to be running for the leader of the free world.
Bernie, opened his mouth and replied, “Look inside my mouth, Junior. Tell me, do you see any long teeth in there?” The reporter replied that he didn’t. “So, are you happy now?...you little wimpy, wet-nosed whippersnapper, you.”
The reporter grinned as he commented, “Mr. Sanders, Lou Dobbs of Fox News said that recent polls show that lots of Democrats are turned off by your silly-as-hell hair comb-over, and he added that you aren't really fooling anyone."
Sanders stood up in front of the reporter, pointed a finger in his face, and yelled, “Well, let me say this about that, and listen to me good, bitch. You and Lou 'The Fat Pig' Dobbs can both kiss my Vermont molasses-gathering ass, ya hear.”
(IN A RELATED STORY – Bernie’s wife, Jane, said that, if she ever sees Dobbs in person, she is going to kick him so hard in his nuts, that they're both going to end up next to his tonsils.)


thespoof--2020-02-20--98 Percent of Trump Supporters View Apocalypse as a Good Thing

Baffled at the continued support enjoyed by United States President Donald Trump , even as he opens up pristine Arctic preserves for offshore oil drilling , removes countless varieties of wild animals from the endangered species list , and brings the world closer and closer to the brink of nuclear destruction , analysts believe they might have found the answer : 98 percent of Trump supporters view the apocalypse as a good thing .
`` The sooner , the better , '' said Don Baker , a registered Republican living in Montana .
`` Let 's take things to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Saratoga Springs , New York , agreed .
`` At first , I was confused when Trump withdrew the U.S. from the Paris Climate Agreement , but then I realized he has bigger things in mind , '' she said .
`` He would n't have been elected president if it were n't part of God 's plan . ''
She added , `` I 'm less worried about global warming than I am about burning in hell .
I welcome the Second Coming . ''
Aaron Jameson of New York City is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ struggles with depression , he , too , welcomes the end of the world .
`` F*** this s*** , '' he said .
`` Let 's bring this sorry mess to its inevitable unfortunate conclusion .
Hell yeah , Trump 's got my vote . ''
Trump himself , however , denies rumors that he is playing a part in the advent of the apocalypse , instead preferring to stay focused on his political agenda of facilitating the exploitation of every last remaining natural resource for corporate profit .
`` I 'm @ @ @ @ @ @ @ servant , '' he said .
`` And the best president who 's ever been impeached . ''

Baffled at the continued support enjoyed by United States President Donald Trump, even as he opens up pristine Arctic preserves for offshore oil drilling, removes countless varieties of wild animals from the endangered species list, and brings the world closer and closer to the brink of nuclear destruction, analysts believe they might have found the answer: 98 percent of Trump supporters view the apocalypse as a good thing.
"The sooner, the better," said Don Baker, a registered Republican living in Montana. "Let's take things to the next level."
Anna Levine of Saratoga Springs, New York, agreed. "At first, I was confused when Trump withdrew the U.S. from the Paris Climate Agreement, but then I realized he has bigger things in mind," she said. "He wouldn't have been elected president if it weren't part of God's plan."
She added, "I'm less worried about global warming than I am about burning in hell. I welcome the Second Coming."
Aaron Jameson of New York City isn't religious, but as someone who struggles with depression, he, too, welcomes the end of the world. "F*** this s***," he said. "Let's bring this sorry mess to its inevitable unfortunate conclusion. Hell yeah, Trump's got my vote."
Trump himself, however, denies rumors that he is playing a part in the advent of the apocalypse, instead preferring to stay focused on his political agenda of facilitating the exploitation of every last remaining natural resource for corporate profit.
"I'm not anybody divine, just a public servant," he said. "And the best president who's ever been impeached."


thespoof--2020-02-19--Love Accused of Colonialism

Love Accused of Colonialism

Called out on its signature slogan of “ conquering all , ” much-touted love has been accused of colonialism .
Said Darrell Foster of Montana , “ Whatever happened to good , old-fashioned self-determination ?
Love wants to have its hand in everything !
” Anna Everett , a social justice advocate in New York City , agreed .
“ There ’ s no give-and-take with love .
Why should it always come out on top ?
And who is it to claim that it knows best for everyone ?
” Everett noted that it is a fundamental human right @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hate .
“ But love doesn ’ t want to give people a choice .
Not to mention the narcissism !
I mean , 'makes the world go 'round ' ?
Come on . ''
Sociology professor Ken Kellogg pointed out that love has managed to make its way into immigrant communities and even the prison system .
“ It 's targeting the most vulnerable populations , ” said Kellogg .
“ It demands to roam unfettered and unchecked , recognizing no limitations or boundaries .
It ’ s extremely insidious - and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has denied the accusations of colonialism , going so far as expressing willingness to adopt a new motto .
In lieu of “ Love conquers all , ” it is considering `` Love and let love , ” a motto that it considers consistent with its political leanings .
`` Fundamentally , I 'm a libertarian , '' love explained .

Called out on its signature slogan of “conquering all,” much-touted love has been accused of colonialism.
Said Darrell Foster of Montana, “Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned self-determination? Love wants to have its hand in everything!”
Anna Everett, a social justice advocate in New York City, agreed. “There’s no give-and-take with love. Why should it always come out on top? And who is it to claim that it knows best for everyone?”
Everett noted that it is a fundamental human right to choose to live in fear and hate. “But love doesn’t want to give people a choice. Not to mention the narcissism! I mean, 'makes the world go 'round'? Come on."
Sociology professor Ken Kellogg pointed out that love has managed to make its way into immigrant communities and even the prison system. “It's targeting the most vulnerable populations,” said Kellogg. “It demands to roam unfettered and unchecked, recognizing no limitations or boundaries. It’s extremely insidious - and quite brazen.”
Love, itself, has denied the accusations of colonialism, going so far as expressing willingness to adopt a new motto. In lieu of “Love conquers all,” it is considering "Love and let love,” a motto that it considers consistent with its political leanings. "Fundamentally, I'm a libertarian," love explained.


thespoof--2020-02-19--Special, New Holiday Made For President Trump Because He Is Special And New.

Our feckless leader , Prosidentia Trump , is upset because he wants to stand above the other former presidents of the United States , who he feels are lesser than he is .
He does not want to have to share the holiday 'President 's Day ' with all the other former leaders .
Trump feels that he is beyond them .
Therefore he has requested Congress set aside a special day of honor just for him , separate from President 's day .
`` After all , I am the President now !
Almost all of the others are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his own special brand of Trumponian logic ( patented ) .
The Senate , always willing to jump when he barks , immediately ratified it without informing the Legislature , which is mostly made up of Democrats .
Protests erupted almost immediately .
`` Who does he think he is ? ''
asked many Democrats .
`` He really thinks he should have a special President 's Day separate from the other presidents ? ''
`` Yes ! ''
answered Mitch McConnell , the President 's sidekick and favorite Yes-man .
`` Why @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for himself ? ''
asked William Barr , the United States Attorney General , and another Trump lackey .
`` After all , he is 'The Trump ! '
Who else can be like him ? ''
His legions of knuckle-dragging followers , however , solidly backed him up on it , their brain circuits not even registering that this was an arrogant , self-centered request on his part that did nothing for the country , but added to his own vanity .
When interviewed , they pretty-much all answered using the same @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is the prasident , so he kin do whatever he wants !
It all is fein by me ! ''
Even more protests came about when Trump chose December 25th as his President 's Day .
`` I feel it would be symbolic of my greatness , '' stated the Trumpster .
`` Why should Jesus have that day all to himself for 2,000 years ? ''
The House immediately intervened , and made it April 1st , instead .
So far , neither the Prosidentia nor his legions have noticed the irony @

Our feckless leader, Prosidentia Trump, is upset because he wants to stand above the other former presidents of the United States, who he feels are lesser than he is. He does not want to have to share the holiday 'President's Day' with all the other former leaders. Trump feels that he is beyond them. Therefore he has requested Congress set aside a special day of honor just for him, separate from President's day. "After all, I am the President now! Almost all of the others are dead," he stated, using his own special brand of Trumponian logic (patented). The Senate, always willing to jump when he barks, immediately ratified it without informing the Legislature, which is mostly made up of Democrats.
Protests erupted almost immediately. "Who does he think he is?" asked many Democrats. "He really thinks he should have a special President's Day separate from the other presidents?"
"Yes!" answered Mitch McConnell, the President's sidekick and favorite Yes-man.
"Why shouldn't he have a special day for himself?" asked William Barr, the United States Attorney General, and another Trump lackey. "After all, he is 'The Trump!' Who else can be like him?"
His legions of knuckle-dragging followers, however, solidly backed him up on it, their brain circuits not even registering that this was an arrogant, self-centered request on his part that did nothing for the country, but added to his own vanity. When interviewed, they pretty-much all answered using the same half-brained phrase - "Whall, he is the prasident, so he kin do whatever he wants! It all is fein by me!"
Even more protests came about when Trump chose December 25th as his President's Day. "I feel it would be symbolic of my greatness," stated the Trumpster. "Why should Jesus have that day all to himself for 2,000 years?" The House immediately intervened, and made it April 1st, instead. So far, neither the Prosidentia nor his legions have noticed the irony.


thespoof--2020-02-20--Donald Trump Is Scared To Death That Roger Stone Is Going To Flip

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A White House insider has just told a reporter for The Baltimore Beacon Star that “ Trumper The Humper ” is so afraid that Roger Stone is going to flip on him , that , for the past week , he has been peeing in his pants .
The White House source that the Beacon Star is only identifying as “ Bunny Ears ” , said that he overheard Donald talking to Ivanka and Donald Jr. as they each were eating a Big Mac , and asking them what he should do .
Ivanka , who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' , reportedly told him to just keep on telling his never-ending lies , and keep deflecting by mentioning that it ’ s all just a witch hunt , a hoax , and a 'what-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg ' thing .
Meanwhile , Don `` The Poacher Punk '' Trump Jr. simply said “ Daddy , just blame it on the Dems , James Comey , Robert Mueller , Rudy Giuliani , Robert De Niro , Marla Maples , global warming , and Don “ Rainbow ” Lemon.
” The president gave Don Jr. a great @ @ @ @ @ @ @ patted Ivanka ’ s ass , and said , “ With you two and Tiffany , I can uncolludingly say that I have three great perfect kids.
” Ivanka reminded him about Eric .
Trump made a face and said , “ Baby girl , let ’ s all agree to never mention Eric again .
He ’ s…well you know .
The boy is missing about 9 keys on his computer keyboard.
” IN A RELATED STORY – Fox News is reporting that Lou “ El Chubbo ” Dobbs has a second @ @ @ @ @ @ @ constantly kissing Trump ’ s humongous ass .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider has just told a reporter for The Baltimore Beacon Star that “Trumper The Humper” is so afraid that Roger Stone is going to flip on him, that, for the past week, he has been peeing in his pants.
The White House source that the Beacon Star is only identifying as “Bunny Ears”, said that he overheard Donald talking to Ivanka and Donald Jr. as they each were eating a Big Mac, and asking them what he should do.
Ivanka, who POTUS calls "The White House Barbie", reportedly told him to just keep on telling his never-ending lies, and keep deflecting by mentioning that it’s all just a witch hunt, a hoax, and a 'what-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg' thing.
Meanwhile, Don "The Poacher Punk" Trump Jr. simply said “Daddy, just blame it on the Dems, James Comey, Robert Mueller, Rudy Giuliani, Robert De Niro, Marla Maples, global warming, and Don “Rainbow” Lemon.”
The president gave Don Jr. a great big kiss on his mouth, he patted Ivanka’s ass, and said, “ With you two and Tiffany, I can uncolludingly say that I have three great perfect kids.”
Ivanka reminded him about Eric. Trump made a face and said, “Baby girl, let’s all agree to never mention Eric again. He’s…well you know. The boy is missing about 9 keys on his computer keyboard.”
IN A RELATED STORY – Fox News is reporting that Lou “El Chubbo” Dobbs has a second degree rash on his lips allegedly from constantly kissing Trump’s humongous ass.


thespoof--2020-02-20--The Nevada Democratic Debate Just About Turned Into a WWF Wrestling Match

LAS VEGAS – The Vox Populi News Agency has reported that the Democratic candidates pretty much turned the debate into a free-for-all .
In fact , several audience members sitting in the front row had to duck a couple of folding chairs that were tossed by Elizabeth “ Sacajawea ” Warren .
The first chair was meant for Mike “ Money Pockets ” Bloomberg , after he asked her if she had combed her hair with firecrackers .
Warren tossed the second chair toward Amy “ The Minnesota Mama ” Klobuchar , who had commented that Warren ’ s earlobes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Vanilla Wafers .
Joe “ Blue Collar ” Biden turned to Bernie “ The Stud ” Sanders , and whispered that Pete “ Rainbow Britches ” Buttigieg and Klobuchar both had 5 o ’ clock shadow .
Amy Klobuchar heard him , and said that Lizzy ( Warren ) had a bigger crotch bulge than the both of them .
Biden laughed so hard he ended up spitting out a piece of broccoli that landed on Bernie ’ s nose .
“ Hey , Joe , you Delaware dufus , '' Sanders yelled @ @ @ @ @ @ @ tell you that you ’ re supposed to swallow your food , you backwoods hick ?
” The former vice-president grabbed his crotch , and replied , `` Hey , you old mountain goat , I got your hick right here.
” Warren covered her ears , and yelled out that she was going to hire famed attorney Gloria Allred , and sue the pants out of the both of them for sexual harrassment .
Bloomberg then asked her , “ Hey , sweetie , shouldn ’ t you be back in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ smoke had cleared , Klobuchar ended up with a bruised ego , Bernie ’ s comb-over looked like a big white eagle ’ s nest , Biden had broccoli and mushrooms all over his pants crotch , and “ Sacajawea ” reported that she had suffered an inverted nipple .
IN CLOSING – Towards the end of the debate , security guards had to escort the six candidates off the stage for fear that they would hurt the moderators and/or the audience .

LAS VEGAS – The Vox Populi News Agency has reported that the Democratic candidates pretty much turned the debate into a free-for-all.
In fact, several audience members sitting in the front row had to duck a couple of folding chairs that were tossed by Elizabeth “Sacajawea” Warren.
The first chair was meant for Mike “Money Pockets” Bloomberg, after he asked her if she had combed her hair with firecrackers.
Warren tossed the second chair toward Amy “The Minnesota Mama” Klobuchar, who had commented that Warren’s earlobes were so huge, they looked like Vanilla Wafers.
Joe “Blue Collar” Biden turned to Bernie “The Stud” Sanders, and whispered that Pete “Rainbow Britches” Buttigieg and Klobuchar both had 5 o’clock shadow.
Amy Klobuchar heard him, and said that Lizzy (Warren) had a bigger crotch bulge than the both of them.
Biden laughed so hard he ended up spitting out a piece of broccoli that landed on Bernie’s nose. “Hey, Joe, you Delaware dufus," Sanders yelled, "didn’t anyone ever tell you that you’re supposed to swallow your food, you backwoods hick?”
The former vice-president grabbed his crotch, and replied, "Hey, you old mountain goat, I got your hick right here.”
Warren covered her ears, and yelled out that she was going to hire famed attorney Gloria Allred, and sue the pants out of the both of them for sexual harrassment.
Bloomberg then asked her, “Hey, sweetie, shouldn’t you be back in the kitchen baking something?”
After the smoke had cleared, Klobuchar ended up with a bruised ego, Bernie’s comb-over looked like a big white eagle’s nest, Biden had broccoli and mushrooms all over his pants crotch, and “Sacajawea” reported that she had suffered an inverted nipple.
IN CLOSING – Towards the end of the debate, security guards had to escort the six candidates off the stage for fear that they would hurt the moderators and/or the audience.


thespoof--2020-02-21--Bloomberg and DNC surge to top of 2020 IYF trophy contest

After twenty years of increasingly flagrant in your face activity from personnel related to US politics , the IYF Trophy has become one of the most popular awards among the ruling elites .
The “ in your face ” title for this award indicates increasingly brazen political behavior instead of decorum and decency associated with serving the people -- vs. serving special interest groups .
The worse it gets , the less they care .
This year 's contest indicates intense competition among a number of entries from the political arena vying for top honor .
1 .
The Julian @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : Sharing equally in top position of IYF responsibility here , authorities in both the UK and the US have kept a journalist in prison in what numerous medical experts call conditions of “ torture.
” These same governing authorities are quick to point to themselves as exemplars of “ democracy ” , which would include the right to free speech and to criticize government , while they cook up a case of “ espionage ” against Assange .
His crime ?
He published information from a whistle-blower showing agencies of the US @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in your face ” criteria here constitute defying essential principles of a free press , which has the duty to act as watch-dog on possibly rogue and criminal government behavior .
Authoritarian governments of the 1930s could n't do it better .
2 .
Donald Trump swelling with self-importance and love of glory : Mr. Trump is a formidable competitor here for the IYF award in several ways .
*A year ago Mr. Trump and his associates proclaimed Venezuela 's Juan Guaido as president of that country , whereas Guaido was no such @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Nicolas Maduro , had been elected by more than a 60 % plurality in a procedure verified by more than 30 countries internationally , and 150 of their representatives .
Mr. Trump celebrated Guaido again in his recent State of the Union speech .
*A month ago Mr. Trump arbitrarily gave the word to execute a top Iranian general , Qasem Soleimani , and an Iraqi general , plus a number of others , because Soleimani was “ a bad man ” .
This action nearly led to an outright war and further @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Iraq still angry and restless at this time .
3 .
Mike Bloomberg using his billions to purchase the 2020 election : A month after entering the US 2020 presidential election process , Mr. Bloomberg has , as of today , spent $ 401 million on TV and Facebook ads , plus donations to organizations he calls “ philanthropic ” , to gain support of grateful members of those organizations .
Mr. Bloomberg is now joining Mr. Trump from 2016 to indicate anyone rich enough can enter the political arena and use his/her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ swirl that members of the twitterati can earn money at $ 150 per individual by saying nice things about him .
The few millions he has so far spent are pocket change against his estimated wealth at $ 60-plus billion .
4 .
The DNC fiddles and swaps and further plays with the nominating procedure : The Democratic Nominating Convention , well-known for its shenanigans in 2016 , is moving steadily ahead into a second round of gaming the nomination .
*Despite a rule that disallowed several candidates into the previous debates—based on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ contributions—this mandate was changed to allow Bloomberg a platform .
Bloomberg has raised nothing other than what he himself ( the $ 401 million mentioned above ) has thrown into his candidacy .
*Looming now , is the possibility the nominating procedure will allow the so-called “ super delegates ” into the first round of voting at the DNC convention next summer .
A `` reform '' following 2016 altered the role of the super delegates to the second round , not the first .
That could change back right away .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sanders , and ready to “ protect the integrity of the Democratic Party of the USA ” .
IYF judges are torn and twisting as of this writing as to which IYF defiance of decency best fills the bill .
They are experiencing sleepless nights , plus bitter arguments .
Meanwhile , the US voting public is thinking :

After twenty years of increasingly flagrant in your face activity from personnel related to US politics, the IYF Trophy has become one of the most popular awards among the ruling elites.
The “in your face” title for this award indicates increasingly brazen political behavior instead of decorum and decency associated with serving the people--vs. serving special interest groups.
The worse it gets, the less they care.
This year's contest indicates intense competition among a number of entries from the political arena vying for top honor.
1. The Julian Assange case elevated from non-criminal to criminal:
Sharing equally in top position of IYF responsibility here, authorities in both the UK and the US have kept a journalist in prison in what numerous medical experts call conditions of “torture.”
These same governing authorities are quick to point to themselves as exemplars of “democracy”, which would include the right to free speech and to criticize government, while they cook up a case of “espionage” against Assange.
His crime? He published information from a whistle-blower showing agencies of the US government committing criminal behavior.
The “in your face” criteria here constitute defying essential principles of a free press, which has the duty to act as watch-dog on possibly rogue and criminal government behavior.
Authoritarian governments of the 1930s couldn't do it better.
2. Donald Trump swelling with self-importance and love of glory:
Mr. Trump is a formidable competitor here for the IYF award in several ways.
*A year ago Mr. Trump and his associates proclaimed Venezuela's Juan Guaido as president of that country, whereas Guaido was no such thing, and the current president, Nicolas Maduro, had been elected by more than a 60% plurality in a procedure verified by more than 30 countries internationally, and 150 of their representatives.
Mr. Trump celebrated Guaido again in his recent State of the Union speech.
*A month ago Mr. Trump arbitrarily gave the word to execute a top Iranian general, Qasem Soleimani, and an Iraqi general, plus a number of others, because Soleimani was “a bad man”.
This action nearly led to an outright war and further chaos in the middle east, with Iraq still angry and restless at this time.
3. Mike Bloomberg using his billions to purchase the 2020 election:
A month after entering the US 2020 presidential election process, Mr. Bloomberg has, as of today, spent $401 million on TV and Facebook ads, plus donations to organizations he calls “philanthropic”, to gain support of grateful members of those organizations.
Mr. Bloomberg is now joining Mr. Trump from 2016 to indicate anyone rich enough can enter the political arena and use his/her bucks to support a candidacy.
Rumors swirl that members of the twitterati can earn money at $150 per individual by saying nice things about him. The few millions he has so far spent are pocket change against his estimated wealth at $60-plus billion.
4. The DNC fiddles and swaps and further plays with the nominating procedure:
The Democratic Nominating Convention, well-known for its shenanigans in 2016, is moving steadily ahead into a second round of gaming the nomination.
*Despite a rule that disallowed several candidates into the previous debates—based on how much money they had raised in contributions—this mandate was changed to allow Bloomberg a platform.
Bloomberg has raised nothing other than what he himself (the $401 million mentioned above) has thrown into his candidacy.
($401 million as a percentage of a total wealth of $60 billion is roughly the amount an ordinary person might spend on bubble gum in a visit to the local candy store.)
*Looming now, is the possibility the nominating procedure will allow the so-called “super delegates” into the first round of voting at the DNC convention next summer.
A "reform" following 2016 altered the role of the super delegates to the second round, not the first. That could change back right away.
Super delegates are special interest group delegates heavily weighted toward Establishment Politics.
The DNC is clearly worried about the surging Sanders, and ready to “protect the integrity of the Democratic Party of the USA”.
IYF judges are torn and twisting as of this writing as to which IYF defiance of decency best fills the bill.
They are experiencing sleepless nights, plus bitter arguments.
Meanwhile, the US voting public is thinking:
"Maybe 2024?"


thespoof--2020-02-21--Donnie Trump Jr. Makes A Very Inappropriate Lascivious Remark About His Step-Mother (Melania Trump)

WINNEMUCCA , Nevada – Many people believe that the town was named after Chief Winnemucca of the Paiute tribe , but it was actually named after Sylvester “ Silly ” Winnemucca , who was a traveling crotch elixir salesman/comedian .
Donald Trump Jr. , who Nancy Pelosi refers to as “ The Poacher Punk , ” was campaigning in the town of Winny , as the locals call it , for his father and was interviewed by a writer for PlayGuy Mens Magazine .
Junior was asked how his dad was doing .
He smiled as he popped a Tic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Oh , you know my perfectly non-colluding dad .
He ’ s out there lying up a storm , since he knows nobody cares anymore ; except , of course , for Nancy 'Cupcakes ' Pelosi.
” Trump ’ s first-born was asked how things were going between his dad and his step-mom .
Little Donnie grinned , and said that he has the prettiest , sexiest , yummiest step-mother in the entire country .
The reporter was taken aback at his comment , and said that he could not argue with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ then took a sip from his botte of Dos Equis Beer , and said , “ Off the record , I have to say that if Melly was not my step-mother , I would be all over her like mustard on a hot dog wiener.
” IN OTHER NEWS – The U.S. has just been informed by the government of Norway that they will no longer be shipping sardines to the United States , in protest of the “ Orange Draft Dodger ” ( Trump ) saying that Norway sucks worse than El @ @

WINNEMUCCA, Nevada – Many people believe that the town was named after Chief Winnemucca of the Paiute tribe, but it was actually named after Sylvester “Silly” Winnemucca, who was a traveling crotch elixir salesman/comedian.
Donald Trump Jr., who Nancy Pelosi refers to as “The Poacher Punk,” was campaigning in the town of Winny, as the locals call it, for his father and was interviewed by a writer for PlayGuy Mens Magazine.
Junior was asked how his dad was doing. He smiled as he popped a Tic Tac in his mouth and said, “Oh, you know my perfectly non-colluding dad. He’s out there lying up a storm, since he knows nobody cares anymore; except, of course, for Nancy 'Cupcakes' Pelosi.”
Trump’s first-born was asked how things were going between his dad and his step-mom. Little Donnie grinned, and said that he has the prettiest, sexiest, yummiest step-mother in the entire country.
The reporter was taken aback at his comment, and said that he could not argue with him on that point. Junior Trump then took a sip from his botte of Dos Equis Beer, and said, “Off the record, I have to say that if Melly was not my step-mother, I would be all over her like mustard on a hot dog wiener.”
IN OTHER NEWS – The U.S. has just been informed by the government of Norway that they will no longer be shipping sardines to the United States, in protest of the “Orange Draft Dodger” (Trump) saying that Norway sucks worse than El Salvador.


thespoof--2020-02-21--Russia Wants Trump To Get Re-Elected and Donates $67.5 Million To His Re-Election Campaign

NEW YORK CITY – The New York Sun Observer is reporting that a reliable source inside the White House has @ @ @ @ @ information .
The source who will simply be known as Finola Sprywillow , 31 , @ @ @ @ @ she overheard the president talking on the phone to Boris Pricheska , who is Vladimir @ @ @ @ @ chef .
Pricski , as Putin calls him , told “ Old Pumpkin Head ” @ @ @ @ @ 67.5 million would be deposited in his name in the Second Algonquin Bank of the @ @ @ @ @ Pricheska to be sure and give Vlady a kiss from him .
Pricski said that @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump giggled , and said , “ Well , neither am I , but @ @ @ @ @ the lips all the time.
” IN A RELATED STORY – Trump is considering making @ @ @ @ @ son , Eric , ambassador to Siberia .

NEW YORK CITY – The New York Sun Observer is reporting that a reliable source inside the White House has just revealed some very interesting information.
The source who will simply be known as Finola Sprywillow, 31, told the Sun Observer that she overheard the president talking on the phone to Boris Pricheska, who is Vladimir Putin’s personal pastry chef.
Pricski, as Putin calls him, told “Old Pumpkin Head” that a check for $67.5 million would be deposited in his name in the Second Algonquin Bank of the Bronx.
Trump reportedly told Pricheska to be sure and give Vlady a kiss from him. Pricski said that Putin isn’t gay. Trump giggled, and said, “Well, neither am I, but I kiss Donnie Jr. on the lips all the time.”
IN A RELATED STORY – Trump is considering making his second and least favorite son, Eric, ambassador to Siberia.


thespoof--2020-02-21--Trump Signs Executive Order Rescinding Oscar Awards for "Parasite" After Being Forced to Read Subtit

Trump Signs Executive Order Rescinding Oscar Awards for "Parasite" After Being Forced to Read Subtitles

Phoenix , Arizona - President Donald Trump , after a local rally in which he railed against the awarding of Oscars for Best Picture and Best Director given to the creators of the movie `` Parasite '' , has signed a hastily-drawn-up executive order this morning , ordering the Motion Picture Academy to `` remove the Oscars from the possession of the South Korean filmmakers and present them to an American film without subtitles that have to be read by Americans who speak English '' according to witnesses .
Sources in the administration reported that the President watched the first @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Force One , but gave up after attempting to follow the English captions to the Korean language film .
At his MAGA rally , which included several film critics of note , Trump attacked the `` Hollywood elite '' who forced Americans to read subtitles .
`` What is that ?
Gone With the Wind was a much better movie , and you did not have to read what was going on , '' said the President .
“ Many people are saying I deserve an Oscar for Home Alone , but they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Korea owes us money .
It ’ s all very unfair ! ''

Phoenix, Arizona - President Donald Trump, after a local rally in which he railed against the awarding of Oscars for Best Picture and Best Director given to the creators of the movie "Parasite", has signed a hastily-drawn-up executive order this morning, ordering the Motion Picture Academy to "remove the Oscars from the possession of the South Korean filmmakers and present them to an American film without subtitles that have to be read by Americans who speak English" according to witnesses.
Sources in the administration reported that the President watched the first five minutes of the film on Air Force One, but gave up after attempting to follow the English captions to the Korean language film.
At his MAGA rally, which included several film critics of note, Trump attacked the "Hollywood elite" who forced Americans to read subtitles. "What is that? Gone With the Wind was a much better movie, and you did not have to read what was going on," said the President. “Many people are saying I deserve an Oscar for Home Alone, but they cut my scenes. Besides, South Korea owes us money. It’s all very unfair!"


thespoof--2020-02-21--Nashville Man Gets Serious about Having Some Fun

Accused of being rigid , upright , and even a total buzz-kill , Cody Jameson of Nashville , Tennessee , decided to get serious about having some fun .
`` I know I need to work on loosening up and having a good time , '' said Cody .
`` It wo n't be easy , but it 's a priority , so I 'm going to find a way to squeeze it into my schedule . ''
He emphasized , too , that , while relaxing and letting go has always made him anxious , he is willing to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the course of enjoying himself .
`` Nothing good ever comes easily , '' he said .
`` But if anything good is going to come out of this at all , I 'm going to have to put in the effort . ''
And , as with all challenging new endeavors , Cody anticipates a great many setbacks , and even abject failure , as he hones his fun-having skills , but he is determined not to let that deter him from his mission to find true delight in life .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ '' he said .
`` This fun thing is going to happen for me , whatever it takes . ''

Accused of being rigid, upright, and even a total buzz-kill, Cody Jameson of Nashville, Tennessee, decided to get serious about having some fun.
"I know I need to work on loosening up and having a good time," said Cody. "It won't be easy, but it's a priority, so I'm going to find a way to squeeze it into my schedule."
He emphasized, too, that, while relaxing and letting go has always made him anxious, he is willing to deal with whatever uncomfortable feelings might arise in the course of enjoying himself.
"Nothing good ever comes easily," he said. "But if anything good is going to come out of this at all, I'm going to have to put in the effort."
And, as with all challenging new endeavors, Cody anticipates a great many setbacks, and even abject failure, as he hones his fun-having skills, but he is determined not to let that deter him from his mission to find true delight in life.
"Persistence, persistence, persistence," he said. "This fun thing is going to happen for me, whatever it takes."


thespoof--2020-02-21--House Dems Vow New Trump Charges Soon, So He Can Add Another 5 Percent Approval Right Before Electio

House Dems Vow New Trump Charges Soon, So He Can Add Another 5 Percent Approval Right Before Election

Washington - Not content after the jump in Donald Trump 's approval polls from the low 40s to 49 % right after the impeachment acquittal in the U.S. Senate , Representatives Jerry Nadler and Adam Schiff promised to continue investigating the President and filing new articles of impeachment `` in the next few months '' , and calling on John Bolton and other witnesses to the President 's misdeeds to come forward and testify before House Committees .
Even though Bolton was expected to verify the original charge that Trump used hundreds of millions of taxpayer-provided funds to bribe Ukraine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ opponent Joe Biden , House Impeachment managers insisted that `` this time we will really get the goods on him , '' despite the reality that no Senator really bought the theory that Trump had nothing to do with the bribery attempts in the first place .
So , instead of Bolton appearing a TV show like 60 Minutes or even Fox News to tell his story , Nadler and Schiff will insist he appear before Congress , so Trump can convince another 5 % of the electorate that he is the victim @ @ @ @ @ @ @ persecuted by the socialist Democrats '' .
The timing will be perfect for Trump , as the new hearings will take place right before the election .

Washington - Not content after the jump in Donald Trump's approval polls from the low 40s to 49% right after the impeachment acquittal in the U.S. Senate, Representatives Jerry Nadler and Adam Schiff promised to continue investigating the President and filing new articles of impeachment "in the next few months", and calling on John Bolton and other witnesses to the President's misdeeds to come forward and testify before House Committees.
Even though Bolton was expected to verify the original charge that Trump used hundreds of millions of taxpayer-provided funds to bribe Ukraine to create negative press on his political opponent Joe Biden, House Impeachment managers insisted that "this time we will really get the goods on him," despite the reality that no Senator really bought the theory that Trump had nothing to do with the bribery attempts in the first place.
So, instead of Bolton appearing a TV show like 60 Minutes or even Fox News to tell his story, Nadler and Schiff will insist he appear before Congress, so Trump can convince another 5% of the electorate that he is the victim of a hoax and is being "persecuted by the socialist Democrats". The timing will be perfect for Trump, as the new hearings will take place right before the election.


thespoof--2020-02-21--School Is Stupid (an excerpt from Trump's Unauthorized Autobiography)

“ No , I ’ m not cutting services , but I ’ m cutting spending .
But I may cut Department of Education.
” Available on Amazon Trump , you know , me , from October 2015 .
We need to fix our broken education system !
There ’ s no failed policy more in need of urgent change than our government-run education monopoly .
We 're twenty-sixth in the world .
Twenty-five countries are better than us at education .
And some of them are like third-world countries .
But we 're becoming a third-world country .
Like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ stupid .
I mean , and it ’ s really boring too , am I right ?
There are some good things , you know , like the chicks and stuff , and I loved playing baseball and I really loved golf , which I ’ m pretty good at if I say so myself .
( I just won the championship down at Mar-a-Lago last year . )
So , if you look at most of the greats in this world , they didn ’ t even bother with school .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I ’ ve always been smart enough , but it ’ s just that all they expect you to do is sit there at some desk and read some book about this or that , some dumb war that happened God knows how long ago , or they want you to learn Latin or something .
I mean Latin ?
Why would I learn to speak Latin ?
I don ’ t own properties in Latin America ?
I don ’ t know any Latinos ?
We , uh , don ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ – me and the Latinos .
I do have a bunch of them working at the hotels , but I don ’ t have to talk to them , so why know it ?
Yeah , you just hire one of their own , another Latino , and he can do all the talking .
And then they have you reading all these old , stupid documents .
Like The Constitution and The Declaration of Independence , what is that all about ?
Like who really cares what a bunch of guys did @ @ @ @ @ @ @ these things are old , too .
I ’ m not exactly sure but if I hadda guess , I ’ d say at least the 1920 ’ s or 1930 ’ s .
I can tell because of the way they write this stuff .
Look at this one : Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion … Of course you ’ re supposed to respect religion .
Religion is one of the most respectable things there is out there .
Now you got this old document here , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ telling the president he has to respect religion .
I mean , duh .
Of course .
See , there ’ s way too much government telling us what we ’ re supposed to do or not do – or prohibiting the free exercise thereof … see , and then everything is free .
Everyone is looking for a hand out .
Everyone ’ s looking for something for free .
That ’ s a big problem right now , really .
They call it ‘ entitlements.
’ ; or abridging the freedom @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ; first of all , what the hell does a bridge have to do with speech or the press for that matter ?
But you know we have too much free speech , I think .
I mean , look at the way they talk about me all the time .
Like that wise guy Ted Cruz made fun of my hands , remember that ?
He said my hands were small .
I mean , do these look small to you , and I know what he was getting at , by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ really talking about my pee pee .
When I see that wise guy , Lyin ’ Ted Cruz , I call him , I ’ m gon na show him how big my hands are .
Anyway … or the right of the people peaceably to assemble , and to petition the government for a redress of grievances .
That ’ s another thing about this old time writing .
Why do they say things like “ redress of grievances ” ?
No one knows what that means .
I bet you could @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people what the hell that means and not one would know .
Guarantee it .
And then these over-educated libtards eggheads , yeah the teachers , they have you reading stuff like this one .
This one 's a doozy : No soldier shall , in time of peace be quartered in any house , without the consent of the owner , nor in time of war , but in a manner to be prescribed by law .
I do n't care what any old-time document says , no soldier of our fine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ watch is going to be quartered .
No , no .
Besides , what kind of sick hombre would quarter a soldier ?
That ’ s , like , real sick stuff , cutting a guy in fours , especially someone brave enough to fight for our country .
And this Preamble , another stupid name , needed a total gut an renovation , so that ’ s what I did .
Available on Amazon I , Donald J. Trump , in order to fix this friggen ' Union , establish Justice and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it 's so old for Christ 's sake .
It just does n't make sense anymore . )
( 'cuz this country is out of control .
I mean just look at Chicago .
I do n't see why we all ca n't carry guns .
I mean , if a driver 's license is good enough for every state , why is n't a gun permit ?
That would establish justice , swift and speedy justice at that , you know ?
Boom , boom , case over and done , but @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that ) , insure not-domestic but my own friggen ' Tranquility ( cuz these liberals are driving me nuts ! )
, provide for the un-common defense ( Donald J. Trump do n't do anything common , no , no .
Look at my towers , look at my women , and look at my golf courses .
Do they look common ?
Hell no .
If I 'm gon na do anything , it 's gon na be great , huge !
And de-fense , how about de-wall .
That 's what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not de-fence . )
, promote the general Welfare , ( This gets cut right out .
It 's stupid .
I have nothing against a brave general who served his country , as long as he 's not a loser who got captured like that loser , John McCain .
And the other thing , this Welfare gravy train is gon na end really soon , and while I 'm in office , I wo n't be handing out welfare checks to all these free-loaders , so , yeah , that comes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ secure the Blessings of Liberty ( we need to change this one .
'Blessings ' sounds too soft , like I 'm on my knees , begging for something .
That 's not how you win a deal , no , no .
Change it to Security , or 'back-bone ' something like that .
It 's more manly and definitely not un-manly , you know ? )
for ourselves and our Posterity ( this comes out , too .
Posterity has nothing to do with anything .
I mean , I have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ posterity in this country , look at how those shoulders are thrown back , and my back is straight .
I learned that good posterity in military school while everyone else was off ruining their posterity by bending over to duck bullets and twisting themselves up in fox-holes in Vietnam .
My chiropractor always says I have good posterity , but I do n't see why that has to be in the constitution , so it 's fired , out , done ) , do re-ordain and re-establish this Constitution for the sake @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great again .
See , we ca n't have new thinking and old ideas .
I ca n't do what I got ta do if I have this thing holding me back all the time .
See ?
How can I do all the stuff I said I was gon na do if my hands are tied ?
I mean that 's what happened in Vietnam .
They sent all these soldiers in and then gave them rules - their hands were tied , so America walks out of there with a tie @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we lost that war .
See the Geneva Convention - that 's gon na be very different as soon as I take office .
You watch on my first day , bingo-bongo , it 's gon na be gone-o .
What kind of civilized people actually fight a war with rules , am I right ?
I mean , really .
That 's stupid .
That ’ s just like this one in The Constitution .
How can we be safe with this nonsense going on : The right of the people to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , papers , and effects , against unreasonable searches and seizures , shall not be violated , and no warrants shall issue , but upon probable cause , supported by oath or affirmation , and particularly describing the place to be searched , and the persons or things to be seized .
Can you believe it ?
How can these fine police officers we have all over this country , how are they supposed to keep things in order if they ’ re always caught up in all these rules and regulations ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s going on if the citizens have all these stupid rights and stuff ?
That ’ s why we have all this chaos .
Some illegal has a bunch of drugs and guns in his apartment and what can the cops do ?
Nothing .
It ’ s backwards .
They have to wait until the illegals start shooting up the neighborhood and invading all the decent neighborhoods where decent , hard-working people live .
This whole thing needs a re-write .
Hey , I ’ ve renovated a whole lot of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ how to clean up a mess , and this thing is a mess , but , don ’ t worry , I ’ ll clean it up .
People need to realize that things change .
Like , get over it .
What are you gon na do ?
Am I right ?
I mean , things change , you know ?
Even The Bible changed , you know ?
They had the Old Testament , which worked for a while , and then all of a sudden they look around they 're @ @ @ @ @ @ @ new ' , so they take the Old Testament and they 're like , 'Let 's write a new one ' - boom , the New Testament , which I think is one of the better sequels ever written .
You know , by the way , it 's not easy to follow up a blockbuster like The Bible .
Every once in a while you get lucky with a Godfather 2 , or Rocky 2 , but not very often , right ?
Yeah , but they really nailed it with that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ working on the sequel to the Constitution right now .
I like to be involved , so I got the ball rolling with the Preamble , and then I brought in the writers , my boys from The Apprentice .
They really know how to punch up some dialogue , so I think you 'll be happier with the sequel than this old moth-eaten thing .
Basically , that ’ s why schools are stupid .
That ’ s what they call an education , right ?
It ’ s not an education @ @ @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t teach people useful stuff like how you can make a few million a year and shelter all of it , you know a little off-shore , a little in charities , there ’ s all types of ways to avoid taxes , but they don ’ t teach you that stuff in school .
They teach about socialism , you know , where all the rich people who ’ ve worked real hard to make a lot of money have to give it to bums who don ’ t know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ people who don ’ t have two nickels to rub together and suddenly they want a hand out .
They teach you about communism .
Pfft .
Never works .
Fruity poems about walls and paths in the woods .
Remember that stupid poem ?
I never once , not once , bought a condo with a poem .
Most of them are gays anyway , I heard .
And who really needs math ?
It ’ s just like Latin , see ?
You , yourself , don ’ t really need @ @ @ @ @ @ @ accountant and you ’ ll never have to count a day in your life .
Those people love money , handling it , counting it , balancing books , everything like that .
And science ?
Waste of time .
Never used it once in my life .
All I get is guff from those science nerds , especially the ones at the EPA and all the zoning boards .
They want this environmental impact report , that form has to be filled out and filled with so-and-so down at city hall , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with a degree can tell you that you got ta add a half a million to your renovation budget so the river is protected – ridiculous .
We ’ re gon na take care of that .
Don ’ t you worry .
And how about this supposedly “ supermassive ” black hole these so-called scientists found .
Of course , it was the biggest black hole ever , ‘ cause , well , everything I do is the biggest .
But seriously , I don ’ t get it get it .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a hole , like a black hole nonetheless , am I right ?
That ’ s what I don ’ t get .
You can ’ t see a hole .
It ’ s just not there .
Like , you can ’ t take a picture of air .
I realized this at the donut shop the other day when I was having a few donuts .
I was looking at the hole in the middle and I was like , ‘ I can ’ t see anything !
’ So , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ something you can ’ t see , like a black hole ?
Am I right ?
Then I got really confused ‘ cause then I got what they called donut holes , the part from the middle , and I could actually see that .
I took my phone out and took a picture of it .
Guess what ?
It worked !
So , I think those scientists got it wrong just like they ’ re wrong about global warming .
And it ’ s black .
How can you take a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out there in space ?
Have you ever seen space ?
I have .
I ’ ve seen it up close and personal with some very smart people and it ’ s really dark , like totally black .
So , I don ’ t know .
I mean , if they got a picture of a white hole , which would make sense , right ?
So I talked to this scientist I keep around , I keep the best scientists around , and he said that you can tell the black @ @ @ @ @ @ @ d he put it , I mean excuse me ‘ cause I don ’ t really speak egghead , but he said , it can be ‘ inferred from interaction ’ with other stuff .
So I was like , “ Yeah like the donut hole .
I could take a picture of that , but I couldn ’ t see the actual hole in the donut , right ?
” Makes sense .
But you ’ re still taking a picture of the donut hole and not the hole in the donut @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that .
See what they teach you in those stupid schools ?
See what these eggheads radicals believe in ?
Science – what is that anyway ?
I mean , it ’ s so stupid .
They have this idea that you can actually take energy from light , from the sun .
They call it “ solar ” energy for some reason , even though it comes from the sun , so it should be called “ sun ” energy , am I right ?
Jeez , they ’ re so dumb @ @ @ @ @ @ @ really .
How do you actually capture light ?
Have you ever tried to grab light ?
It ’ s impossible .
I tried it just the other day .
I went outside on the lawn there , of the White House , and the sun was out there shining so I tried to grab some , ‘ cause I figured , “ Hey if it saves a few bucks why not ?
” And , you know what ?
I couldn ’ t .
Then I went inside and Don jr. is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Where you been all morning , dad ?
” I told him I was trying to figure out this sun energy thing , you know , I told him I couldn ’ t catch any , which shocked me ‘ cause I was a really good athlete in my day .
That ’ s when he brought up a really good point .
He says , “ Dad , sun energy can ’ t be real.
” I asked him why , and he told me that it doesn ’ t make @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have energy like half the day , for like maybe 11 hours , you know , when the sun is out .
What are you gon na do at night time ?
Can ’ t charge your phone .
No TV .
No microwave .
Everything shuts down .
No light , no power , right ?
And , think about it , what are you gon na do if you live in a place like Alaska ?
You ’ re up there , from what I heard , without daylight for 6 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have power like half the year .
Real smart , right .
These eggheads , jeez .
They call water power “ hydro ” power too .
But if you live in Arizona , you ’ re screwed .
You see ?
They don ’ t have any water .
It ’ s all just dirt and sand and stuff .
They might do okay with sun energy , though .
Then these tree hugging hippies are like , “ Well , we can save the earth by using wind power , big @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is it really my job to save the earth ?
I ’ m the president of the U.S. of A , not the world .
I ’ m here to make America great again , not those other places .
But anyway , I was talking to some people the other day and they told something very interesting .
They were like , “ These windmill farms .
They make this noise , this humming noise , and they say it causes cancer.
” So , like , do you want cancer ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ one the other day and it ’ s just like the sun .
What happens when the wind stops blowing ?
You got nothing .
And when they are blowing , those blades on those fans , they ’ re dangerous .
If you wan na see a bunch of dead birds , like bald eagles and stuff , just go by one of those wind mills .
You ’ ll see bunches of them , all dead right there on the ground .
So , you tell me , right or wrong @ @ @ @ @ @ @ environment ?
I mean , birds were part of the environment last time I checked .
Or did the Dems suddenly do some scientific study and now birds are no longer part of the environment ?
Apparently , you can do anything you want with science .
Science , see , isn ’ t really facts .
And education isn ’ t really education .
It ’ s just dumb .
Let ’ s look at the facts .
Right now , nine of ten children attend public schools .
If you look @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nearly $ 300 billion spent each year on K-through-twelve education , it ’ s a very big business indeed—it would set off every antitrust alarm bell at the Department of Justice and the Federal Trade Commission .
When teachers ’ unions say even the most minuscule program allowing school choice is a mortal threat , they ’ re saying : If we aren ’ t allowed to keep 90 % of the market , we can ’ t survive .
When Bell Telephone had 90 % of the market , a federal judge @ @ @ @ @ @ @ why we got ta get rid of education .
Our schools aren ’ t safe , which is bad enough .
On top of that , our kids aren ’ t learning .
Too many are dropping out of school and into the street life—and too many of those who do graduate are getting diplomas that have been devalued into “ certificates of attendance ” by a dumbed-down curriculum that asks little of teachers and less of students .
Schools are crime-ridden and they don ’ t teach .
Education reformers calls this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , even opportunity scholarships .
I call it competition—the American Way .
No , I don ’ t plan on cutting services , but I ’ m cutting spending .
But I may cut the Department of Education .
As president , I will establish the national goal of providing school choice to every American child living in poverty .
If we can put a man on the moon , dig out the Panama Canal and win two world wars , then I have no doubt that we as a nation can provide @ @ @ @ @ @ @ America .
How are we gon na do it ?
Easy .
Betsy Devos .
I know , I know , everyone is like she doesn ’ t have the degree in Education , she ’ s never been a teacher , she ’ s never been in a public school , she ’ s never even taken out a school loan – so how ’ s she qualified , everybody asks ?
Actually , she ’ s perfect for the job .
Why would you put someone qualified in that position ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ that department to do good .
We don ’ t want that .
We actually want it to kinda die off , so we just fill it up with incompetence .
If you want to get somewhere safely , you hire a pro driver as your chauffeur .
If you want to wreck everything in your way , hire a blind retard and hand him the keys .
So that ’ s the plan .
She ’ ll have that place falling apart in no time .
You watch .
See , it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Order that Stevie was always talking about .
The thing with the Natural Order is , the way I see it anyway , is that when something ’ s out of order then it tends to just king of die off , you know ?
And this “ education ” system is not Natural .
Available on Amazon ( Trump 's Unauthorized Autobiography )

School Was Pretty Stupid
“No, I’m not cutting services, but I’m cutting spending. But I may cut Department of Education.”
Available on Amazon
Trump, you know, me, from October 2015.
We need to fix our broken education system! There’s no failed policy more in need of urgent change than our government-run education monopoly. We're twenty-sixth in the world. Twenty-five countries are better than us at education. And some of them are like third-world countries. But we're becoming a third-world country.
Like I always said, school is pretty stupid. I mean, and it’s really boring too, am I right? There are some good things, you know, like the chicks and stuff, and I loved playing baseball and I really loved golf, which I’m pretty good at if I say so myself. (I just won the championship down at Mar-a-Lago last year.) So, if you look at most of the greats in this world, they didn’t even bother with school. But don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been smart enough, but it’s just that all they expect you to do is sit there at some desk and read some book about this or that, some dumb war that happened God knows how long ago, or they want you to learn Latin or something. I mean Latin? Why would I learn to speak Latin? I don’t own properties in Latin America? I don’t know any Latinos? We, uh, don’t really run in the same social circles – me and the Latinos. I do have a bunch of them working at the hotels, but I don’t have to talk to them, so why know it? Yeah, you just hire one of their own, another Latino, and he can do all the talking.
And then they have you reading all these old, stupid documents. Like The Constitution and The Declaration of Independence, what is that all about? Like who really cares what a bunch of guys did back in the day? I mean these things are old, too. I’m not exactly sure but if I hadda guess, I’d say at least the 1920’s or 1930’s. I can tell because of the way they write this stuff. Look at this one:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion … Of course you’re supposed to respect religion. Religion is one of the most respectable things there is out there. Now you got this old document here, from like a hundred years ago, telling the president he has to respect religion. I mean, duh. Of course. See, there’s way too much government telling us what we’re supposed to do or not do – or prohibiting the free exercise thereof … see, and then everything is free. Everyone is looking for a hand out. Everyone’s looking for something for free. That’s a big problem right now, really. They call it ‘entitlements.’; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; first of all, what the hell does a bridge have to do with speech or the press for that matter? But you know we have too much free speech, I think. I mean, look at the way they talk about me all the time. Like that wise guy Ted Cruz made fun of my hands, remember that? He said my hands were small. I mean, do these look small to you, and I know what he was getting at, by the way. I know he was really talking about my pee pee. When I see that wise guy, Lyin’ Ted Cruz, I call him, I’m gonna show him how big my hands are. Anyway … or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. That’s another thing about this old time writing. Why do they say things like “redress of grievances”? No one knows what that means. I bet you could walk down the street and ask 20 people what the hell that means and not one would know. Guarantee it.
And then these over-educated libtards eggheads, yeah the teachers, they have you reading stuff like this one. This one's a doozy: No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. I don't care what any old-time document says, no soldier of our fine military, anytime, anywhere on my watch is going to be quartered. No, no. Besides, what kind of sick hombre would quarter a soldier? That’s, like, real sick stuff, cutting a guy in fours, especially someone brave enough to fight for our country.
And this Preamble, another stupid name, needed a total gut an renovation, so that’s what I did.
Available on Amazon
I, Donald J. Trump, in order to fix this friggen' Union, establish Justice and fix this friggen' constitution ('cuz it's so old for Christ's sake. It just doesn't make sense anymore.) ('cuz this country is out of control. I mean just look at Chicago. I don't see why we all can't carry guns. I mean, if a driver's license is good enough for every state, why isn't a gun permit? That would establish justice, swift and speedy justice at that, you know? Boom, boom, case over and done, but no, these Liberals wouldn't have that), insure not-domestic but my own friggen' Tranquility (cuz these liberals are driving me nuts!), provide for the un-common defense (Donald J. Trump don't do anything common, no, no. Look at my towers, look at my women, and look at my golf courses. Do they look common? Hell no. If I'm gonna do anything, it's gonna be great, huge! And de-fense, how about de-wall. That's what we're gonna see, de-wall not de-fence.), promote the general Welfare, (This gets cut right out. It's stupid. I have nothing against a brave general who served his country, as long as he's not a loser who got captured like that loser, John McCain. And the other thing, this Welfare gravy train is gonna end really soon, and while I'm in office, I won't be handing out welfare checks to all these free-loaders, so, yeah, that comes out -- the whole thing) and secure the Blessings of Liberty (we need to change this one. 'Blessings' sounds too soft, like I'm on my knees, begging for something. That's not how you win a deal, no, no. Change it to Security, or 'back-bone' something like that. It's more manly and definitely not un-manly, you know?) for ourselves and our Posterity (this comes out, too. Posterity has nothing to do with anything. I mean, I have great posterity, some of the best posterity in this country, look at how those shoulders are thrown back, and my back is straight. I learned that good posterity in military school while everyone else was off ruining their posterity by bending over to duck bullets and twisting themselves up in fox-holes in Vietnam. My chiropractor always says I have good posterity, but I don't see why that has to be in the constitution, so it's fired, out, done) , do re-ordain and re-establish this Constitution for the sake of making the United States of America great again.
See, we can't have new thinking and old ideas. I can't do what I gotta do if I have this thing holding me back all the time. See? How can I do all the stuff I said I was gonna do if my hands are tied? I mean that's what happened in Vietnam. They sent all these soldiers in and then gave them rules - their hands were tied, so America walks out of there with a tie, at best. Some people say we lost that war. See the Geneva Convention - that's gonna be very different as soon as I take office. You watch on my first day, bingo-bongo, it's gonna be gone-o. What kind of civilized people actually fight a war with rules, am I right? I mean, really. That's stupid.
That’s just like this one in The Constitution. How can we be safe with this nonsense going on: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Can you believe it? How can these fine police officers we have all over this country, how are they supposed to keep things in order if they’re always caught up in all these rules and regulations? How are we supposed to know what’s going on if the citizens have all these stupid rights and stuff? That’s why we have all this chaos. Some illegal has a bunch of drugs and guns in his apartment and what can the cops do? Nothing. It’s backwards. They have to wait until the illegals start shooting up the neighborhood and invading all the decent neighborhoods where decent, hard-working people live. This whole thing needs a re-write. Hey, I’ve renovated a whole lot of buildings in my day. I know how to clean up a mess, and this thing is a mess, but, don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.
People need to realize that things change. Like, get over it. What are you gonna do? Am I right? I mean, things change, you know? Even The Bible changed, you know? They had the Old Testament, which worked for a while, and then all of a sudden they look around they're like, 'Hey, we need something new', so they take the Old Testament and they're like, 'Let's write a new one' - boom, the New Testament, which I think is one of the better sequels ever written. You know, by the way, it's not easy to follow up a blockbuster like The Bible. Every once in a while you get lucky with a Godfather 2, or Rocky 2, but not very often, right? Yeah, but they really nailed it with that New Testament. I have my writers working on the sequel to the Constitution right now. I like to be involved, so I got the ball rolling with the Preamble, and then I brought in the writers, my boys from The Apprentice. They really know how to punch up some dialogue, so I think you'll be happier with the sequel than this old moth-eaten thing.
Basically, that’s why schools are stupid. That’s what they call an education, right? It’s not an education. It’s brainwashing. They don’t teach people useful stuff like how you can make a few million a year and shelter all of it, you know a little off-shore, a little in charities, there’s all types of ways to avoid taxes, but they don’t teach you that stuff in school. They teach about socialism, you know, where all the rich people who’ve worked real hard to make a lot of money have to give it to bums who don’t know how to make a dime, those people who don’t have two nickels to rub together and suddenly they want a hand out. They teach you about communism. Pfft. Never works. Fruity poems about walls and paths in the woods. Remember that stupid poem? I never once, not once, bought a condo with a poem. Most of them are gays anyway, I heard. And who really needs math? It’s just like Latin, see? You, yourself, don’t really need it. Just hire a nice Jewish accountant and you’ll never have to count a day in your life. Those people love money, handling it, counting it, balancing books, everything like that.
And science? Waste of time. Never used it once in my life. All I get is guff from those science nerds, especially the ones at the EPA and all the zoning boards. They want this environmental impact report, that form has to be filled out and filled with so-and-so down at city hall, and for what? So some socialist with a degree can tell you that you gotta add a half a million to your renovation budget so the river is protected – ridiculous. We’re gonna take care of that. Don’t you worry.
And how about this supposedly “supermassive” black hole these so-called scientists found. Of course, it was the biggest black hole ever, ‘cause, well, everything I do is the biggest. But seriously, I don’t get it get it. They say they took a picture of a hole, like a black hole nonetheless, am I right? That’s what I don’t get. You can’t see a hole. It’s just not there. Like, you can’t take a picture of air. I realized this at the donut shop the other day when I was having a few donuts. I was looking at the hole in the middle and I was like, ‘I can’t see anything!’ So, how can you take a picture of something you can’t see, like a black hole? Am I right? Then I got really confused ‘cause then I got what they called donut holes, the part from the middle, and I could actually see that. I took my phone out and took a picture of it. Guess what? It worked! So, I think those scientists got it wrong just like they’re wrong about global warming. And it’s black. How can you take a picture of something that’s black out there in space? Have you ever seen space? I have. I’ve seen it up close and personal with some very smart people and it’s really dark, like totally black. So, I don’t know. I mean, if they got a picture of a white hole, which would make sense, right? So I talked to this scientist I keep around, I keep the best scientists around, and he said that you can tell the black hole is there by, how’d he put it, I mean excuse me ‘cause I don’t really speak egghead, but he said, it can be ‘inferred from interaction’ with other stuff. So I was like, “Yeah like the donut hole. I could take a picture of that, but I couldn’t see the actual hole in the donut, right?” Makes sense. But you’re still taking a picture of the donut hole and not the hole in the donut, right? You gotta admit that.
See what they teach you in those stupid schools? See what these eggheads radicals believe in? Science – what is that anyway? I mean, it’s so stupid. They have this idea that you can actually take energy from light, from the sun. They call it “solar” energy for some reason, even though it comes from the sun, so it should be called “sun” energy, am I right? Jeez, they’re so dumb. Think about how dumb that is really. How do you actually capture light? Have you ever tried to grab light? It’s impossible. I tried it just the other day. I went outside on the lawn there, of the White House, and the sun was out there shining so I tried to grab some, ‘cause I figured, “Hey if it saves a few bucks why not?” And, you know what? I couldn’t. Then I went inside and Don jr. is in there and he was like, “Where you been all morning, dad?” I told him I was trying to figure out this sun energy thing, you know, I told him I couldn’t catch any, which shocked me ‘cause I was a really good athlete in my day. That’s when he brought up a really good point. He says, “Dad, sun energy can’t be real.” I asked him why, and he told me that it doesn’t make sense ‘cause you’d only have energy like half the day, for like maybe 11 hours, you know, when the sun is out. What are you gonna do at night time? Can’t charge your phone. No TV. No microwave. Everything shuts down. No light, no power, right? And, think about it, what are you gonna do if you live in a place like Alaska? You’re up there, from what I heard, without daylight for 6 months. Up there, you only have power like half the year. Real smart, right. These eggheads, jeez. They call water power “hydro” power too. But if you live in Arizona, you’re screwed. You see? They don’t have any water. It’s all just dirt and sand and stuff. They might do okay with sun energy, though.
Then these tree hugging hippies are like, “Well, we can save the earth by using wind power, big wind mills.” First of all, is it really my job to save the earth? I’m the president of the U.S. of A, not the world. I’m here to make America great again, not those other places. But anyway, I was talking to some people the other day and they told something very interesting. They were like, “These windmill farms. They make this noise, this humming noise, and they say it causes cancer.” So, like, do you want cancer? Besides, I was thinking about this one the other day and it’s just like the sun. What happens when the wind stops blowing? You got nothing. And when they are blowing, those blades on those fans, they’re dangerous. If you wanna see a bunch of dead birds, like bald eagles and stuff, just go by one of those wind mills. You’ll see bunches of them, all dead right there on the ground. So, you tell me, right or wrong? These things are good for the environment? I mean, birds were part of the environment last time I checked. Or did the Dems suddenly do some scientific study and now birds are no longer part of the environment? Apparently, you can do anything you want with science. Science, see, isn’t really facts.
And education isn’t really education. It’s just dumb. Let’s look at the facts. Right now, nine of ten children attend public schools. If you look at public education as a business—and with nearly $300 billion spent each year on K-through-twelve education, it’s a very big business indeed—it would set off every antitrust alarm bell at the Department of Justice and the Federal Trade Commission. When teachers’ unions say even the most minuscule program allowing school choice is a mortal threat, they’re saying: If we aren’t allowed to keep 90% of the market, we can’t survive. When Bell Telephone had 90% of the market, a federal judge broke it up. That’s why we gotta get rid of education. Our schools aren’t safe, which is bad enough. On top of that, our kids aren’t learning. Too many are dropping out of school and into the street life—and too many of those who do graduate are getting diplomas that have been devalued into “certificates of attendance” by a dumbed-down curriculum that asks little of teachers and less of students. Schools are crime-ridden and they don’t teach. Education reformers calls this school choice, charter schools, vouchers, even opportunity scholarships. I call it competition—the American Way.
No, I don’t plan on cutting services, but I’m cutting spending. But I may cut the Department of Education. As president, I will establish the national goal of providing school choice to every American child living in poverty. If we can put a man on the moon, dig out the Panama Canal and win two world wars, then I have no doubt that we as a nation can provide school choice to every disadvantaged child in America. How are we gonna do it? Easy. Betsy Devos. I know, I know, everyone is like she doesn’t have the degree in Education, she’s never been a teacher, she’s never been in a public school, she’s never even taken out a school loan – so how’s she qualified, everybody asks? Actually, she’s perfect for the job. Why would you put someone qualified in that position? You only do that when you want that department to do good. We don’t want that. We actually want it to kinda die off, so we just fill it up with incompetence. If you want to get somewhere safely, you hire a pro driver as your chauffeur. If you want to wreck everything in your way, hire a blind retard and hand him the keys. So that’s the plan. She’ll have that place falling apart in no time. You watch. See, it should all be part of the Natural Order that Stevie was always talking about. The thing with the Natural Order is, the way I see it anyway, is that when something’s out of order then it tends to just king of die off, you know? And this “education” system is not Natural.
Available on Amazon (Trump's Unauthorized Autobiography)


thespoof--2020-02-21--Neville Chamberlain Award for Enabling Autocrats to be Presented Next Month; Finalists Announced

The Hague , Netherlands - IFODA , the International Fraternity of Oligarchs , Dictators and Autocrats , will present its awards in March , said spokesman Moussa Ibraham yesterday .
The Neville Chamberlain Award , the most prestigious of the awards handed out by the organization , goes to `` the individual most responsible for aiding and abetting leaders in the goal of removing democratic restraints to effective unitary system of government for nations '' .
It is named after British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain , who allowed Germany 's Adolf Hitler to overrun Europe in the late 1930s .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ William Barr and Mitch McConnell .
All of the finalists , this year , are from the United States , a first for the organization , after a stunning series of events ranging from Barr 's pursuit of Trump 's enemies and dismissal of obvious obstruction charges against the U.S. President , to the acquittal of Trump by the Senate , led by Graham and McConnell , after he used taxpayer funds to bribe a foreign leader into smearing his political opponents .
Vladimir Putin announced he would attend the ceremony .
`` @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
This is first time in a while none of my friends were nominated , but it 's okay , '' he said .

The Hague, Netherlands - IFODA, the International Fraternity of Oligarchs, Dictators and Autocrats, will present its awards in March, said spokesman Moussa Ibraham yesterday.
The Neville Chamberlain Award, the most prestigious of the awards handed out by the organization, goes to "the individual most responsible for aiding and abetting leaders in the goal of removing democratic restraints to effective unitary system of government for nations". It is named after British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, who allowed Germany's Adolf Hitler to overrun Europe in the late 1930s. The 2020 nominations include Lindsey Graham, William Barr and Mitch McConnell.
All of the finalists, this year, are from the United States, a first for the organization, after a stunning series of events ranging from Barr's pursuit of Trump's enemies and dismissal of obvious obstruction charges against the U.S. President, to the acquittal of Trump by the Senate, led by Graham and McConnell, after he used taxpayer funds to bribe a foreign leader into smearing his political opponents.
Vladimir Putin announced he would attend the ceremony. "I always look forward to these awards. This is first time in a while none of my friends were nominated, but it's okay," he said.


thespoof--2020-02-22--President Trump Hammers Fox News Saying They’re Going Downhill Faster Than Meghan McCain On A Metal

President Trump Hammers Fox News Saying They’re Going Downhill Faster Than Meghan McCain On A Metal Trash Can Lid

JACKPOT , Nevada – The 45th president Donald Johnny Trump was campaigning up in Jackpot , Nevada , allegedly the home of The Nevada Chapter of The KKK .
The Jackpot chief of security , Leander F. Capote , 57 , stated to the media that there were 117 people in attendance .
When “ Jumbo Trumpo ” began his speech , he said that rally officials had told him that there were over 45,000 people in attendance inside , and over 900 in the parking lot that could not get in .
An ABC camera instantly panned to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that was out there was a 1977 AMC Gremlin , a pink golf cart , and a 94-year-old naked woman who had MAGA tattooed on one of her sagging-as-hell knockers .
Comrade Trumpski then attacked his once-favorite network , Fox News .
He said that the Fox News Channel used to be really good , but since Chris Wallace and Neil Cavuto had gotten their promotions the network had now gone downhill faster than Meghan McCain on a metal trash can lid .
POTUS smiled and said that his one and only true @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
The crowd roared .
Trump then remarked , “ Yeah , the next time that I travel to Russia , I am going to take Sean with me and introduce him to one of the nicest , richest , cutest guys I know , Vlady Putin . ''
Meanwhile Donnie Jr. could n't be bothered as he sat in an isolated corner passionately making out with his over-rated girlfriend , Kimberly “ Tons of Makeup ” Guilfoyle , 50 .
Trump continued with his incessantly moronic rantings , as he said that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Nancy “ Cupcakes ” Pelosi back to India .
IN OTHER NEWS – The man that “ Chucky Wucky ” Schumer calls “ The Pitiful Pompous Punk With No Friends ” Rudy Giuliani denies that he has applied for food stamps .

JACKPOT, Nevada – The 45th president Donald Johnny Trump was campaigning up in Jackpot, Nevada, allegedly the home of The Nevada Chapter of The KKK.
The Jackpot chief of security, Leander F. Capote, 57, stated to the media that there were 117 people in attendance. When “Jumbo Trumpo” began his speech, he said that rally officials had told him that there were over 45,000 people in attendance inside, and over 900 in the parking lot that could not get in.
An ABC camera instantly panned to the parking lot, and the only thing that was out there was a 1977 AMC Gremlin, a pink golf cart, and a 94-year-old naked woman who had MAGA tattooed on one of her sagging-as-hell knockers.
Comrade Trumpski then attacked his once-favorite network, Fox News. He said that the Fox News Channel used to be really good, but since Chris Wallace and Neil Cavuto had gotten their promotions the network had now gone downhill faster than Meghan McCain on a metal trash can lid.
POTUS smiled and said that his one and only true friend at Fox News is Sean Hannity. The crowd roared. Trump then remarked, “Yeah, the next time that I travel to Russia, I am going to take Sean with me and introduce him to one of the nicest, richest, cutest guys I know, Vlady Putin."
Meanwhile Donnie Jr. couldn't be bothered as he sat in an isolated corner passionately making out with his over-rated girlfriend, Kimberly “Tons of Makeup” Guilfoyle, 50.
Trump continued with his incessantly moronic rantings, as he said that his goal for 2020 is to deport Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi back to India.
IN OTHER NEWS – The man that “Chucky Wucky” Schumer calls “The Pitiful Pompous Punk With No Friends” Rudy Giuliani denies that he has applied for food stamps.


thespoof--2020-02-22--Nancy Pelosi Tells Devin Nunes That If He Has Naked Photos of President Trump He Needs To Show Them

Nancy Pelosi Tells Devin Nunes That If He Has Naked Photos of President Trump He Needs To Show Them To Congress

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Speaker of the House , Nancy Pelosi texted Devin “ No Nuts ” Nunes and informed him that he will be subpoenaed , and he will have to show the nude photos of President Trump that he allegedly has .
Nunes texted “ Cupcakes ” Pelosi back , and said that , if he had photos of his BFF Donnie Trumpy , he would sell them to the National Enquirer before he would turn them over to the Democrats .
An inside White House source said that he has not seen the nude photos of “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is known all throughout Mexico , all over Central America , South America , as well as in East Los Angeles .
The White House source did reveal that he saw Nunes in the mens restroom two weeks ago , and `` Devy '' does have what appears to be a likeness of Trump ’ s face on his right nut .
A reporter for The Baltimore Beacon Star said that he spoke with Devin ’ s urologist , and was told that the Trump likeness is actually on Devin ’ s left @ @ @ @ @ @ @ IN OTHER NEWS – A consumer advocate group is reporting that in the 3-plus years that Melania Trump has been the first lady , she has spent over $ 247,000 on # 45 Sunscreen .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi texted Devin “No Nuts” Nunes and informed him that he will be subpoenaed, and he will have to show the nude photos of President Trump that he allegedly has.
Nunes texted “Cupcakes” Pelosi back, and said that, if he had photos of his BFF Donnie Trumpy, he would sell them to the National Enquirer before he would turn them over to the Democrats.
An inside White House source said that he has not seen the nude photos of “El Presidente Estupido,” as POTUS is known all throughout Mexico, all over Central America, South America, as well as in East Los Angeles.
The White House source did reveal that he saw Nunes in the mens restroom two weeks ago, and "Devy" does have what appears to be a likeness of Trump’s face on his right nut.
A reporter for The Baltimore Beacon Star said that he spoke with Devin’s urologist, and was told that the Trump likeness is actually on Devin’s left nut and not his right nut.
IN OTHER NEWS – A consumer advocate group is reporting that in the 3-plus years that Melania Trump has been the first lady, she has spent over $247,000 on #45 Sunscreen.


thespoof--2020-02-22--MAGA Pigeons Flock To Vegas To See Trump

BILLINGSGATE POST : Even the most crazed Trump supporters couldn ’ t believe that when Air Force One landed yesterday in Las Vegas for a giant Trump rally , that they would witness a miracle .
Speaking of miracles , the president opened the rally by inviting members of the “ Miracle on Ice ” U.S. Olympic hockey team on stage to mark the 40th anniversary of their victory over the Soviet Union in 1980 .
Commemorating this unbelievable win by the U.S. team , Trump raised his arms and pointed to the rafters of the packed auditorium .
As @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wearing miniature MAGA hats exploded from the sky .
Even agnostic CNN reporters were taken aback by this display of pigeon loyalty .
The excitement was building hours before Trump arrived .
Pigeons started lining up for the rare daytime rally as early as 3:00 AM .
Hundreds in red caps were camped out in front of the Las Vegas Convention center in bird cages and sleeping bags , hoping to get a good spot to see the President .
Once inside , they were rewarded .
Trump , as if transfixed by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ flock , pointed to the fluttering flying rats and screamed : “ Who in this audience is a pigeon ?
” Trump said to cheers .
We ’ re doing great.
” “ With your help this November , we ’ re going to defeat the radical socialist Democrats , and we are going to win Nevada in a great big beautiful pigeon drop , ” Trump said .
Slim : “ WTF !
The guy is just amazing .
How does he do it ?
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Even the most crazed Trump supporters couldn’t believe that when Air Force One landed yesterday in Las Vegas for a giant Trump rally, that they would witness a miracle.
Speaking of miracles, the president opened the rally by inviting members of the “Miracle on Ice” U.S. Olympic hockey team on stage to mark the 40th anniversary of their victory over the Soviet Union in 1980. Commemorating this unbelievable win by the U.S. team, Trump raised his arms and pointed to the rafters of the packed auditorium. As if by magic, thousands of pigeons wearing miniature MAGA hats exploded from the sky. Even agnostic CNN reporters were taken aback by this display of pigeon loyalty.
The excitement was building hours before Trump arrived. Pigeons started lining up for the rare daytime rally as early as 3:00 AM. Hundreds in red caps were camped out in front of the Las Vegas Convention center in bird cages and sleeping bags, hoping to get a good spot to see the President. Once inside, they were rewarded.
Trump, as if transfixed by the glory he bestowed on his adoring flock, pointed to the fluttering flying rats and screamed:
“I love pigeons!”
“Who in this audience is a pigeon?” Trump said to cheers. We’re doing great.”
“With your help this November, we’re going to defeat the radical socialist Democrats, and we are going to win Nevada in a great big beautiful pigeon drop,” Trump said.
Slim: “WTF! The guy is just amazing. How does he do it?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. You gotta love them pigeons.”


thespoof--2020-02-22--As Coronavirus Threatens, Americans Glad to Have Strong Serious Leader Who Trusts in Science at the

As Coronavirus Threatens, Americans Glad to Have Strong Serious Leader Who Trusts in Science at the Helm

Washington - As the scientific and medical community works to allay fears of the spread of the coronavirus , and cases of the new disease spread beyond China to new areas of the globe , America 's courageous leader Donald Trump continued his tour of the country , appearing in front of crowds and inventing new nicknames and insults for his political opponents .
A man of ideas and vision , such as his bold move to save the country 's billionaires and corporations hundreds of millions in taxes , while running a trillion-dollar deficit , and his demonstration to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ golf resort by billing the government for millions in fees while playing his favorite game , has inspired a country to spring into action as the number of the novel virus cases increases dramatically .
His followers were impressed when he addressed the coronavirus health issue recently outside the White House , with the inspiring statement that `` maybe the weather will get warm soon '' .
Observers were also encouraged that the President 's beliefs and faith rest firmly with science , logic and reason , as opposed to others who are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like the Clinton Murders , Pizzagate , Climate Warming Denial , Ukrainian Servers , the Deep State Conspiracy and Birtherism .
It 's a good thing , said the White House insiders we spoke with , that our leader does n't waste his time with those pursuits .

Washington - As the scientific and medical community works to allay fears of the spread of the coronavirus, and cases of the new disease spread beyond China to new areas of the globe, America's courageous leader Donald Trump continued his tour of the country, appearing in front of crowds and inventing new nicknames and insults for his political opponents.
A man of ideas and vision, such as his bold move to save the country's billionaires and corporations hundreds of millions in taxes, while running a trillion-dollar deficit, and his demonstration to fellow wealthy citizens how to run a golf resort by billing the government for millions in fees while playing his favorite game, has inspired a country to spring into action as the number of the novel virus cases increases dramatically.
His followers were impressed when he addressed the coronavirus health issue recently outside the White House, with the inspiring statement that "maybe the weather will get warm soon".
Observers were also encouraged that the President's beliefs and faith rest firmly with science, logic and reason, as opposed to others who are quick to believe myths and conspiracy theories like the Clinton Murders, Pizzagate, Climate Warming Denial, Ukrainian Servers, the Deep State Conspiracy and Birtherism. It's a good thing, said the White House insiders we spoke with, that our leader doesn't waste his time with those pursuits.


thespoof--2020-02-22--Nashville Buddhist Explains that His Enlightenment Has Been More Subtle

Brett Mavens of Nashville , Tennessee , who has been practicing Buddhist meditation for over ten years , explained that , while the effects of his spiritual practice may not be noticeable to the outside world , he has experienced a profound internal shift .
`` My enlightenment has been more subtle , '' he said .
`` If that makes sense . ''
In other words , Mavens elaborated , although his Buddhist practice has not ostensibly altered his external behavior , what 's going on inside is a different story .
`` These days , even when I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ employees , or surreptitiously sliding off my wedding ring when I meet an attractive woman , I 'm aware of what I 'm doing , '' he said .
`` Whereas , in the past , I would have been doing those things out of reactivity , with no consciousness whatsoever . ''
It is that mindfulness , says Mavens , that has been the key factor in his awakening .
`` Mindfulness is everything , '' he said .
`` Notice , do n't judge . ''
He chuckled and added , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ some Buddhists act so serious all the time .
There 's no reason we ca n't have fun with this . ''
And , while some have challenged him on his purported enlightenment , insisting that there ought to be at least some detectable signs of spiritual growth , Mavens does n't let the skeptics get him down .
`` Doubt is the most insidious of all the hindrances , '' he said .
`` I just tell people , hey , no worries , you 'll know it when you experience it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . ''

Brett Mavens of Nashville, Tennessee, who has been practicing Buddhist meditation for over ten years, explained that, while the effects of his spiritual practice may not be noticeable to the outside world, he has experienced a profound internal shift.
"My enlightenment has been more subtle," he said. "If that makes sense."
In other words, Mavens elaborated, although his Buddhist practice has not ostensibly altered his external behavior, what's going on inside is a different story. "These days, even when I'm blowing up at one of my employees, or surreptitiously sliding off my wedding ring when I meet an attractive woman, I'm aware of what I'm doing," he said. "Whereas, in the past, I would have been doing those things out of reactivity, with no consciousness whatsoever."
It is that mindfulness, says Mavens, that has been the key factor in his awakening. "Mindfulness is everything," he said. "Notice, don't judge."
He chuckled and added, "I think it's silly how some Buddhists act so serious all the time. There's no reason we can't have fun with this."
And, while some have challenged him on his purported enlightenment, insisting that there ought to be at least some detectable signs of spiritual growth, Mavens doesn't let the skeptics get him down.
"Doubt is the most insidious of all the hindrances," he said. "I just tell people, hey, no worries, you'll know it when you experience it for yourself. And metta to you."


thespoof--2020-02-22--Man shocked to learn that not everything on the Internet is about him....

A man has been shocked to learn that not everything on the Internet is about him .
Donald Trump , @ @ @ @ @ stranger to sense , politeness , and treating people properly , was saddened to learn @ @ @ @ @ I have words .
I have the best words , but none to describe how @ @ @ @ @ this moment , ' said the small-handed , ginger world leader .
He continued , @ @ @ @ @ recently that the world existed before I did , and that the world coped admirably @ @ @ @ @ Now , I will have to go and study that .
If people have been @ @ @ @ @ , what else have they been lying to me about ? '

A man has been shocked to learn that not everything on the Internet is about him. Donald Trump, a man who is a stranger to sense, politeness, and treating people properly, was saddened to learn this salient information.
'I have words. I have the best words, but none to describe how I feel right now at this moment,' said the small-handed, ginger world leader.
He continued, 'I was also told recently that the world existed before I did, and that the world coped admirably without me in it. Now, I will have to go and study that. If people have been lying to me about that, what else have they been lying to me about?'