thespoof--2020-02-23--Secret audio emerges on Bloomberg re non-disclosure agreements

Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg was on the hot seat in this week 's debate in Nevada , over his numerous non-disclosure agreements .
The non-disclosure agreement ( NDA ) is a tool of the Bloomberg administration to avoid unsavory criticism of his behaviors and the work environment , particularly from female employees .
Cash is exchanged for the buttoned-up lip , so that an exiting female employee will not expose discriminatory comments , insults , groping , etc .
Wednesday 's Nevada debate showed Candidate Elizabeth Warren repeatedly attacking Bloomberg on this matter , while he avoided specifics .
But @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an anonymous source .
It features Mr. Bloomberg in a non-disclosure closing session with one of his female employees .
Mr. Bloomberg was not aware a recorder was operative directly underneath his chair .
B : What did you say your name was again ?
B : Well , Fayvee , baby , you should be happy I 'm here with you instead of dealing with one of my lawyers .
T : Sir , you are breathing on me .
B : Relax , what 's the problem here ?
The money @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about that joke I was telling you on the rose petals and the vagina .
T : If you do n't mind , I am trying to read this NDA here !
B : How do they compare ?
B : Well , take your time , and sit here sweetly , darlin ' , which you certainly are today .
T : “ Pursuant to ” .
.
.
“ the interests of total compliance ” .
.
.
“ paragraph d , clause 6 below ” .
.
.
Sir , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ not belong there either !
B : How about my knee then ?
I mean sitting on it .
T : Sir , I 'm thinking about getting up and going to Rolling Stone with my story , including right now , if you do n't let up on me , and let me read this NDA here !
B : Oh , my god , is n't this just like a woman though ?
Wants to have it all : the men crawling , the money , plus dandling themselves in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can be no consequences .
T : I see here it says there will be consequences for any violations of this contract .
B : You better believe it , honey .
Mouth shut !
is the basic rule .
Bucks for Boners Program .
T : That finger on my knee , sir , is in danger of a karate chop ?

Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg was on the hot seat in this week's debate in Nevada, over his numerous non-disclosure agreements.
The non-disclosure agreement (NDA) is a tool of the Bloomberg administration to avoid unsavory criticism of his behaviors and the work environment, particularly from female employees.
Cash is exchanged for the buttoned-up lip, so that an exiting female employee will not expose discriminatory comments, insults, groping, etc.
Wednesday's Nevada debate showed Candidate Elizabeth Warren repeatedly attacking Bloomberg on this matter, while he avoided specifics.
But today, new audio has emerged from an anonymous source. It features Mr. Bloomberg in a non-disclosure closing session with one of his female employees.
Mr. Bloomberg was not aware a recorder was operative directly underneath his chair.
Transcript
B: What did you say your name was again?
T: It's Trayvay, Mr. Bloomberg.
B: Well, Fayvee, baby, you should be happy I'm here with you instead of dealing with one of my lawyers.
T: Sir, you are breathing on me.
B: Relax, what's the problem here? The money isn't good enough? And forget about that joke I was telling you on the rose petals and the vagina.
T: If you don't mind, I am trying to read this NDA here!
B: How do they compare?
T: Sir, your hand, sir!
B: Well, take your time, and sit here sweetly, darlin', which you certainly are today.
T: “Pursuant to” . . . “the interests of total compliance” . . . “paragraph d, clause 6 below” . . . Sir, your hand, sir! It does not belong there either!
B: How about my knee then? I mean sitting on it.
T: Sir, I'm thinking about getting up and going to Rolling Stone with my story, including right now, if you don't let up on me, and let me read this NDA here!
B: Oh, my god, isn't this just like a woman though? Wants to have it all: the men crawling, the money, plus dandling themselves in the male face continually, as though there can be no consequences.
T: I see here it says there will be consequences for any violations of this contract.
B: You better believe it, honey. Mouth shut! is the basic rule. Bucks for Boners Program.
T: That finger on my knee, sir, is in danger of a karate chop?
(Peculiar thizzing-fizzing noise indicates audio device failing at this point.)


thespoof--2020-02-23--Melania Trump Explains Why She May Be Voting For Bernie Sanders in The November Presidential Electio

Melania Trump Explains Why She May Be Voting For Bernie Sanders in The November Presidential Election

WASHINGTON , D.C. – Melania Trump has shocked the GOP world by saying that she will most probably vote for Bernie Sanders over her husband .
The sensuously sexy first lady was interviewed by Kitty Segovia with the iNews Agency .
When asked why she plans on voting for Sanders instead of her husband , she smiled , crossed her left leg over her right leg , and said , “ Because like dey say in San Francisco , Bean der , done dat.
” She went on , “ If I tell to you the troot , the troot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to my Trump Tower mansion.
” Mrs. Trump paused and commented , “ Kitty cat , I hate dee White House like I hate my periodic period .
And to dis glamorously glamorous elegant woman , libbing in dee White House ease like libbing in a trailer house .
I hate it as much as I hate cellulite .
I want my expensive clothes , and jewels , and my high heel choose , and my 9,000 foot walk-into closet back.
” She went on to say that she misses being in her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ around naked .
She giggled and said , “ I hate tu be saying dis , but I have even forgetted what my hooha she looks like.
” IN CLOSING – Before Melania ended the interview with iNews she said , “ And to be trootful , Ivanka wants to be dee prettiest female in dee whole entire White House , but if I am dare , den dee crybaby Barbie doll will never be # 1 .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Melania Trump has shocked the GOP world by saying that she will most probably vote for Bernie Sanders over her husband.
The sensuously sexy first lady was interviewed by Kitty Segovia with the iNews Agency.
When asked why she plans on voting for Sanders instead of her husband, she smiled, crossed her left leg over her right leg, and said, “Because like dey say in San Francisco, Bean der, done dat.” She went on, “If I tell to you the troot, the troot is dat I wants to get back to my Trump Tower mansion.”
Mrs. Trump paused and commented, “Kitty cat, I hate dee White House like I hate my periodic period. And to dis glamorously glamorous elegant woman, libbing in dee White House ease like libbing in a trailer house. I hate it as much as I hate cellulite. I want my expensive clothes, and jewels, and my high heel choose, and my 9,000 foot walk-into closet back.”
She went on to say that she misses being in her Trump Tower mansion where she can walk around naked. She giggled and said, “I hate tu be saying dis, but I have even forgetted what my hooha she looks like.”
IN CLOSING – Before Melania ended the interview with iNews she said, “And to be trootful, Ivanka wants to be dee prettiest female in dee whole entire White House, but if I am dare, den dee crybaby Barbie doll will never be #1.”


thespoof--2020-02-23--Bernie “The Stud” Sanders Captures Nevada

LAS VEGAS – Bernie Sanders showed everyone that there is still a whole lot of fire in the old boy .
He resoundingly won the Nevada Caucuses beating Joe “ Blue Collar ” Biden , Pete “ Rainbow Britches ” Buttigieg , Elizabeth “ Sacajawea ” Warren , and Tom “ $ $ $ ” Steyer .
Amy “ Plain Jane ” Klobuchar finished in 7th place behind Celine Dion .
Buttigieg immediately sent Klobuchar a plane ticket back to Minnesota with a note that read , “ Bye , bye , you mean old witch !
Now go home @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back in the kitchen.
” “ Sacajawea ” Warren told a reporter with the iNews Agency that it is going to be good to be the only female still in the running .
Biden took a bite out of his tuna fish sandwich , and told her , “ Well , squaw woman , you better start practicing your teepee cleaning , cause you ’ re going to be heading back to your Massachusetts wigwam faster than you can say papoose.
” When Bernie was asked for a comment on his victory , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Let me just say this about that , if I may.
” He continued , “ The people of Nevada , home of the Hoover vacuum cleaner , I mean the Hoover Dam , know a winner when they see one , and this old fella has got winner written all over him .
And yes , Joe Biden , I do have a tattoo on my ass that reads : Winner . ''
IN CLOSING – Sanders is reported to have said , “ And now , it ’ s on to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is going to kick me some big time Dixieland ass !
”

LAS VEGAS – Bernie Sanders showed everyone that there is still a whole lot of fire in the old boy. He resoundingly won the Nevada Caucuses beating Joe “Blue Collar” Biden, Pete “Rainbow Britches” Buttigieg, Elizabeth “Sacajawea” Warren, and Tom “$$$” Steyer.
Amy “Plain Jane” Klobuchar finished in 7th place behind Celine Dion. Buttigieg immediately sent Klobuchar a plane ticket back to Minnesota with a note that read, “Bye, bye, you mean old witch! Now go home to Minnesota and get your big butt back in the kitchen.”
Klobuchar fired back, “Well, at least I don’t ride sidesaddle, sweetie.”
“Sacajawea” Warren told a reporter with the iNews Agency that it is going to be good to be the only female still in the running.
Biden took a bite out of his tuna fish sandwich, and told her, “Well, squaw woman, you better start practicing your teepee cleaning, cause you’re going to be heading back to your Massachusetts wigwam faster than you can say papoose.”
Warren responded with a resounding “Bite me, Joey!”
When Bernie was asked for a comment on his victory, he grinned, and said, “Let me just say this about that, if I may.” He continued, “The people of Nevada, home of the Hoover vacuum cleaner, I mean the Hoover Dam, know a winner when they see one, and this old fella has got winner written all over him. And yes, Joe Biden, I do have a tattoo on my ass that reads: Winner."
IN CLOSING – Sanders is reported to have said, “And now, it’s on to South Carolina where this New England relic is going to kick me some big time Dixieland ass!”


thespoof--2020-02-23--Clint Eastwood Says He Is Dumping Trump and He Now Supports Democrat Mike Bloomberg

CARMEL , California – Clint Eastwood , who has been one of President Trump ’ s staunchest supporters , has flipped on “ Old Carrot Face ” Trump .
The 89-year-old former star of the TV western series “ Rawhide ” and countless Old West movies , told a reporter with RumorLand News that he has become totally fed up with Trump ’ s childish antics , his effen fit-throwing tirades , his never-ending pathological lying , and his addiction to Big Macs .
Eastwood grinned , and added that he can not support someone who has kissed Russian leader @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at last count .
Clint remarked that he is going to ask all of his tens of millions of Republican relatives , friends , and fans to not vote for the Commander-in-Shit , as everyone in California calls him .
The famed TV and movie star remarked , “ Bloomberg is so rich that he makes 'Plump Trump ' look like a Russian peasant . ''
IN CLOSING – When Trump was told that Eastwood is going to vote for Bloomberg instead of him , “ Old Itsy Bitsy Fingers ” commented , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and I do not know this Eastwood fella .
I have never met him , nor have I ever seen any of his movies or attended any of his concerts .

CARMEL, California – Clint Eastwood, who has been one of President Trump’s staunchest supporters, has flipped on “Old Carrot Face” Trump.
The 89-year-old former star of the TV western series “Rawhide” and countless Old West movies, told a reporter with RumorLand News that he has become totally fed up with Trump’s childish antics, his effen fit-throwing tirades, his never-ending pathological lying, and his addiction to Big Macs.
Eastwood grinned, and added that he cannot support someone who has kissed Russian leader Vladirmir Putin on the lips 17 times at last count.
Clint remarked that he is going to ask all of his tens of millions of Republican relatives, friends, and fans to not vote for the Commander-in-Shit, as everyone in California calls him.
The famed TV and movie star remarked, “Bloomberg is so rich that he makes 'Plump Trump' look like a Russian peasant."
IN CLOSING – When Trump was told that Eastwood is going to vote for Bloomberg instead of him, “Old Itsy Bitsy Fingers” commented, “Look, there was no collusion, and I do not know this Eastwood fella. I have never met him, nor have I ever seen any of his movies or attended any of his concerts.


thespoof--2020-02-24--Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Say They Will Defy Queen Elizabeth And Continue To Use The Word “Roya

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Say They Will Defy Queen Elizabeth And Continue To Use The Word “Royal”

SAUSALITO , California – Prince Harry and his lovely wife , the Duchess of Sussex , were visiting friends in Northern California , when they were asked about Queen Elizabeth ’ s latest royal antics .
RumorLand News reporter Ty Quickmeister informed the very popular couple that Lizzy Jr. , has issued a Buckingham Palace directive that prohibits the two from ever using the word “ royal ” again .
Prince Harry immediately responded by saying , “ Well , I have got news for Granny Lizzy , she does not now , nor has she ever had , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ” or “ crown , ” or “ castle , ” or even “ crumpets ” for that matter .
Meghan chimed in and said , “ I swear that 93-year-old woman is getting worse and worse .
I really think that she needs to get out of her stuffy palace , and air out her stale brain a bloomin ’ blimey bit.
” Piers Morgan , who is believed to be Queen Elizabeth ’ s biggest and ugliest ass-kisser said that the two ex-Brits need to respect the wishes of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Harry smiled and said that Piers Morgan can kiss his royal princely ass .
Meghan giggled and added , “ Effen A , my sweet prince , I swear this Piers Morgan bitch is looking more and more girly with each new royal day.
” IN CLOSING – Prince Harry has stated that he and Meghan are planning on building a motel in Beverly Hills and they are going to name it The Prince Harry & Duchess Meghan ROYAL Motel .

SAUSALITO, California – Prince Harry and his lovely wife, the Duchess of Sussex, were visiting friends in Northern California, when they were asked about Queen Elizabeth’s latest royal antics.
RumorLand News reporter Ty Quickmeister informed the very popular couple that Lizzy Jr., has issued a Buckingham Palace directive that prohibits the two from ever using the word “royal” again.
Prince Harry immediately responded by saying, “Well, I have got news for Granny Lizzy, she does not now, nor has she ever had, the sole rights to the words “royal,” or “crown,” or “castle,” or even “crumpets” for that matter.
Meghan chimed in and said, “I swear that 93-year-old woman is getting worse and worse. I really think that she needs to get out of her stuffy palace, and air out her stale brain a bloomin’ blimey bit.”
Piers Morgan, who is believed to be Queen Elizabeth’s biggest and ugliest ass-kisser said that the two ex-Brits need to respect the wishes of the greatest queen in the history of queens.
Harry smiled and said that Piers Morgan can kiss his royal princely ass. Meghan giggled and added, “Effen A, my sweet prince, I swear this Piers Morgan bitch is looking more and more girly with each new royal day.”
IN CLOSING – Prince Harry has stated that he and Meghan are planning on building a motel in Beverly Hills and they are going to name it The Prince Harry & Duchess Meghan ROYAL Motel.


thespoof--2020-02-24--President Trump Shows His BFF Sean Hannity Personal Intimate Photos of Melania and the First Lady Ex

President Trump Shows His BFF Sean Hannity Personal Intimate Photos of Melania and the First Lady Explodes!

NEW YORK CITY – President # 45 was in the “ Big Apple ” for an appearance on the Sean Hannity Show .
Potus had lunch with the Fox News host at a local McDonalds .
Sean had a Filet-O-Fish Sandwich , and the man that Elizabeth “ Sacajawea ” Warren calls “ Cheetos Face ” had 4 Big Macs , 2 Happy Meals , and 2 McTacos .
A patron who was sitting in a booth behind the president says that she clearly overheard Trump remark “ Hey , Seany , take a look at the intimate photos of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and remarked , “ Wowsers and wowsies , dude .
The first lady looks friggin ’ sexy.
” Trump reportedly commented , “ Yeah , women have always flocked to me like bumble bees to a Strawberry Crush Soda.
” Hannity smiled and remarked , “ And DJT , that ’ s simply because you are hung like an appaloosa , bro.
” The Trumpster grinned from ear-to-ear and replied , “ Effen BINGO !
, my BFF.
” IN CLOSING – The Grandiose News Agency reports that when the first lady found @ @ @ @ @ @ @ started rattling off curse words in her native Slovenian language .
Her personal White House foot massager , Mr. FiFi , said that Mrs. Trump grabbed her hooha and screamed out , “ Dat ease eat , no more of dis va-jay-jay for Orange Boy !
”

NEW YORK CITY – President #45 was in the “Big Apple” for an appearance on the Sean Hannity Show.
Potus had lunch with the Fox News host at a local McDonalds. Sean had a Filet-O-Fish Sandwich, and the man that Elizabeth “Sacajawea” Warren calls “Cheetos Face” had 4 Big Macs, 2 Happy Meals, and 2 McTacos.
A patron who was sitting in a booth behind the president says that she clearly overheard Trump remark “Hey, Seany, take a look at the intimate photos of my sweet Melly.”
Hannity viewed them and remarked, “Wowsers and wowsies, dude. The first lady looks friggin’ sexy.”
Trump reportedly commented, “Yeah, women have always flocked to me like bumble bees to a Strawberry Crush Soda.”
Hannity smiled and remarked, “And DJT, that’s simply because you are hung like an appaloosa, bro.” The Trumpster grinned from ear-to-ear and replied, “Effen BINGO!, my BFF.”
IN CLOSING – The Grandiose News Agency reports that when the first lady found out about the photos she exploded and started rattling off curse words in her native Slovenian language. Her personal White House foot massager, Mr. FiFi, said that Mrs. Trump grabbed her hooha and screamed out, “Dat ease eat, no more of dis va-jay-jay for Orange Boy!”


thespoof--2020-02-23--Experts: If Not For Russian Bots Americans Would Make Really Informed, Intelligent Choices About Pol

Experts: If Not For Russian Bots Americans Would Make Really Informed, Intelligent Choices About Politicians

Washington - Experts in the CIA and FBI have been quoted by media sources as concerned that Russia is planning @ @ @ @ @ United States election by using bots to plant false information on social media sites such @ @ @ @ @ The intelligence community of a country whose voters have , in the past , placed @ @ @ @ @ , wrestlers , comedians , cocaine addicts , crackpot sheriffs , brothel owners and other @ @ @ @ @ key government positions , is concerned that Americans , who would otherwise make informed intelligent @ @ @ @ @ are being unreasonably swayed by Russian efforts to plant fake news stories and other falsehoods @ @ @ @ @ claims , however , and insisted that he has been successful on his own , @ @ @ @ @ convincing a large percentage of Americans to believe that he has been chosen by God @ @ @ @ @ hoax , Obama was not born in the United States , the Clintons murdered dozens @ @ @ @ @ he was responsible for an economic expansion that began in 2009 .

Washington - Experts in the CIA and FBI have been quoted by media sources as concerned that Russia is planning to interfere in the upcoming United States election by using bots to plant false information on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter.
The intelligence community of a country whose voters have, in the past, placed bodybuilders, reality show hosts, wrestlers, comedians, cocaine addicts, crackpot sheriffs, brothel owners and other persons of questionable qualifications into key government positions, is concerned that Americans, who would otherwise make informed intelligent choices about their leaders, are being unreasonably swayed by Russian efforts to plant fake news stories and other falsehoods.
President Trump questioned the claims, however, and insisted that he has been successful on his own, without Russian interference, in convincing a large percentage of Americans to believe that he has been chosen by God, Climate Science is a hoax, Obama was not born in the United States, the Clintons murdered dozens of people, and only he was responsible for an economic expansion that began in 2009.


thespoof--2020-02-23--Lakers: Kobe Tributes to Continue Through 2020...& Beyond

Staples Center , Los Angeles , CA .
Woof Blister reporting for SOS - Spoof on Sports .
The Los Angeles Lakers today announced that the seemingly unending tributes to Kobe Bryant will continue unending through this year and into the indeterminate future .
All programs will take place at Staples Center , where Bryant played most of his home games .
While no particular lineup of dignitaries was contained in the announcement , expect to see and hear from a lot of stand-up comics who are long between gigs , almost any former NBA player who ever was in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and a flock of politicians as election day approaches .
If finding tributaries becomes a problem , later in the year anyone who ever watched Kobe play on TV will get a chance to speak out .
Meanwhile , the death of Hank Rubin at age 110 , who played for the Phillips 66ers back in the 1930s , in an era when semi-pro teams were more popular than the NBA , and whose efforts made pro basketball the game that it is , passed unnoticed last month .
There were no tributes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the local paper .

Staples Center, Los Angeles, CA. Woof Blister reporting for SOS - Spoof on Sports. The Los Angeles Lakers today announced that the seemingly unending tributes to Kobe Bryant will continue unending through this year and into the indeterminate future. All programs will take place at Staples Center, where Bryant played most of his home games.
While no particular lineup of dignitaries was contained in the announcement, expect to see and hear from a lot of stand-up comics who are long between gigs, almost any former NBA player who ever was in a game with or against Kobe, and a flock of politicians as election day approaches. If finding tributaries becomes a problem, later in the year anyone who ever watched Kobe play on TV will get a chance to speak out.
Meanwhile, the death of Hank Rubin at age 110, who played for the Phillips 66ers back in the 1930s, in an era when semi-pro teams were more popular than the NBA, and whose efforts made pro basketball the game that it is, passed unnoticed last month. There were no tributes, and his last name was misspelled in the local paper.


Trump Pardons Hitler

President Trump has issued a full pardon for Adolf Hitler , and released the following statement : '' Under my @ @ @ @ @ the German economy was the strongest it had ever been .
The stock market was @ @ @ @ @ the German military was the most powerful it had ever been .
Nobody messed with @ @ @ @ @ I 'd like to do in this country .
And the stupid fake media did @ @ @ @ @ witch hunts like ours does .
The man really had a lot of qualities I @ @ @ @ @ a very fine person .
Everyone wants to focus on the negative .
They 're @ @ @ @ @ all communists and socialists .
Do n't listen to them .
They want to steal @ @ @ @ @ it .
Not only that , but the railroads ran on time .
Perfect time @ @ @ @ @ .
I wish we could do that with our stupid trains.
`` Trump added , @ @ @ @ @ was kind to dogs .
Well , nobody 's perfect . ''

President Trump has issued a full pardon for Adolf Hitler, and released the following statement:
"Under my role model's administration, the German economy was the strongest it had ever been. The stock market was through the roof.
And the German military was the most powerful it had ever been. Nobody messed with them. That's what I'd like to do in this country.
And the stupid fake media didn't have all these hoax witch hunts like ours does. The man really had a lot of qualities I admire. He was truly a very fine person.
Everyone wants to focus on the negative. They're so stupid. They're all communists and socialists. Don't listen to them. They want to steal your social security by funding it.
Not only that, but the railroads ran on time. Perfect time. Nobody talks about that. I wish we could do that with our stupid trains. "
Trump added, "They say The Fuhrer was kind to dogs. Well, nobody's perfect."


thespoof--2020-02-23--Nashville Man Does Wrong Thing In Nick of Time

When he learned via Facebook that his toxic , narcissistic ex-girlfriend , Jessica Montbleau , was about to tie the knot with someone else , Colin Carver of Nashville , Tennessee , knew it was time for him to take swift , decisive action in order to salvage the worst relationship of his life .
`` I showed up at the church , and when the minister asked if anyone could show just cause why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony , I stood up and said , 'Yeah - just 'cause I love her ! '
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a little melodramatic , but it did the trick . ''
Colin explained that he 'd been prepared for the possibility that the minister might not pose that particular question to the wedding guests , in which case he 'd have jumped up and shouted , `` No ! ''
just as Jessica was about to say , `` I do . ''
After publicly declaring his objection to the marriage , reported Colin , he sprinted up the aisle , grabbed Jessica 's hand , and the two of them ran out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
They then retreated to Colin 's house , where they had mad , passionate make-up sex until his roommate returned home from work .
Unfortunately , however , things quickly went south for the reunited couple after that .
Immediately after their reconciliation , Jessica resumed her pattern of lying and manipulation , and Colin suspects that she is cheating on him with her former fiancé .
In addition , he discovered that after a period of recovery , Jessica is back to abusing cocaine and prescription medications , but he says @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , abandon her in such a vulnerable state .
`` The honeymoon is over , so to speak , '' he said .
`` But what can you do ? ''
Still , despite the difficulties , Colin says that he feels good about doing what really never should have been done before it was too late .
`` Timing is everything , '' he noted .
`` We have only so many chances to do the wrong thing .
I was n't going to let this one pass me by . ''

When he learned via Facebook that his toxic, narcissistic ex-girlfriend, Jessica Montbleau, was about to tie the knot with someone else, Colin Carver of Nashville, Tennessee, knew it was time for him to take swift, decisive action in order to salvage the worst relationship of his life.
"I showed up at the church, and when the minister asked if anyone could show just cause why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, I stood up and said, 'Yeah - just 'cause I love her!'" said Colin. "It was a little melodramatic, but it did the trick."
Colin explained that he'd been prepared for the possibility that the minister might not pose that particular question to the wedding guests, in which case he'd have jumped up and shouted, "No!" just as Jessica was about to say, "I do."
After publicly declaring his objection to the marriage, reported Colin, he sprinted up the aisle, grabbed Jessica's hand, and the two of them ran out of the church together, laughing uncontrollably. They then retreated to Colin's house, where they had mad, passionate make-up sex until his roommate returned home from work.
Unfortunately, however, things quickly went south for the reunited couple after that. Immediately after their reconciliation, Jessica resumed her pattern of lying and manipulation, and Colin suspects that she is cheating on him with her former fiancé. In addition, he discovered that after a period of recovery, Jessica is back to abusing cocaine and prescription medications, but he says he could never, in good conscience, abandon her in such a vulnerable state.
"The honeymoon is over, so to speak," he said. "But what can you do?"
Still, despite the difficulties, Colin says that he feels good about doing what really never should have been done before it was too late. "Timing is everything," he noted. "We have only so many chances to do the wrong thing. I wasn't going to let this one pass me by."


thespoof--2020-02-24--Senate Votes to Not Allow Ballots in Presidential Election

Professing a commitment to avoiding mob rule , the Republican-led United States Senate voted to prohibit the introduction of voting ballots into the 2020 general presidential election .
`` We 've already got a president , so there 's no point in considering extraneous evidence on the issue , like voter preference , '' stated Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell , noting that voting would only needlessly delay the election proceedings .
With regard to party primary elections , McConnell explained that while the Democratic presidential primary might utilize some sort of voter feedback via its new election app , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time-tested , low-tech techniques like voter suppression .
`` This technology arrogance is crippling our country , '' said McConnell .
`` We do n't need to constantly reinvent the wheel .
The bottom line is we do n't need votes to know how the American people feel . ''
McConnell concluded his remarks by stating that , although Joe Rogan might have endorsed Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders , the Senate is officially endorsing Republican candidate Donald Trump .
`` Put that in your wheelhouse and spin it , Bernie , '' he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yet ? ''

Professing a commitment to avoiding mob rule, the Republican-led United States Senate voted to prohibit the introduction of voting ballots into the 2020 general presidential election.
"We've already got a president, so there's no point in considering extraneous evidence on the issue, like voter preference," stated Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, noting that voting would only needlessly delay the election proceedings.
With regard to party primary elections, McConnell explained that while the Democratic presidential primary might utilize some sort of voter feedback via its new election app, the Republican primary will rely solely on time-tested, low-tech techniques like voter suppression.
"This technology arrogance is crippling our country," said McConnell. "We don't need to constantly reinvent the wheel. The bottom line is we don't need votes to know how the American people feel."
McConnell concluded his remarks by stating that, although Joe Rogan might have endorsed Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, the Senate is officially endorsing Republican candidate Donald Trump.
"Put that in your wheelhouse and spin it, Bernie," he joked. "You feeling the Bern yet?"


thespoof--2020-02-24--Bernie Sanders gives rivals finger-lickin’ good, crispy thrashing in Nevada as he aims his poultry g

Bernie Sanders gives rivals finger-lickin’ good, crispy thrashing in Nevada as he aims his poultry gun on the White House

Rivals for the Democratic Party presidential candicacy in the state of Nevada were sent reeling , as He-Man of the Left Bernie Sanders delivered a mighty good kicking in their primaries .
Skeletor Joe Biden screamed in pain despite coming second , as the 78-year old Senator from Vermont got more than twice his votes .
Pete Buttiegieg dove for cover but still caught a zinger , with less than one-third of Sanders ’ votes .
Elizabeth Warren avoided any physical harm , possibly with some Native American hoodoo .
The other candidates were wiped from the field .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and later claimed he had planned to go to Maui and the pilot of the plane got it wrong , delivered a bucket-full of his opponent ’ s body parts to President Trump , who was reported to be hiding in the White House , cringing at the barbecuing he is likely to receive if the two go mano a mano in the Presidential election later this year .
“ Y ’ all will see that I ’ ll make coleslaw out of him ” , snarled the Colonel , “ I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump retaliated by tweeting from under his bed covers that it was fake news , that he had already won the election and that Sanders was the most unpopular person in history .

Rivals for the Democratic Party presidential candicacy in the state of Nevada were sent reeling, as He-Man of the Left Bernie Sanders delivered a mighty good kicking in their primaries.
Skeletor Joe Biden screamed in pain despite coming second, as the 78-year old Senator from Vermont got more than twice his votes. Pete Buttiegieg dove for cover but still caught a zinger, with less than one-third of Sanders’ votes. Elizabeth Warren avoided any physical harm, possibly with some Native American hoodoo. The other candidates were wiped from the field.
The Comrade Colonel, who honeymooned in Moscow, and later claimed he had planned to go to Maui and the pilot of the plane got it wrong, delivered a bucket-full of his opponent’s body parts to President Trump, who was reported to be hiding in the White House, cringing at the barbecuing he is likely to receive if the two go mano a mano in the Presidential election later this year. “Y’all will see that I’ll make coleslaw out of him”, snarled the Colonel, “I’m used to frying chickens.”
Trump retaliated by tweeting from under his bed covers that it was fake news, that he had already won the election and that Sanders was the most unpopular person in history.


thespoof--2020-02-26--New York Writer Gets Bad Case of the Ideas

Amidst a flurry of concerns about a new and deadly virus spreading from China , Patrick Cramer , a writer living in New York City , was stricken with a debilitating case of the ideas .
`` It was n't quite as bad as Ebola , '' said Cramer , who is still recuperating after his near-fatal bout of inspiration , `` but it was close .
No one wanted to be around me - not that I could blame them . ''
According to Cramer , the ideas hit him just after finishing up a hot yoga class , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's room .
`` Blog posts , op eds , flash fiction , letters to the editor , '' he recounted .
`` Even a twelve-book children 's series about a flock of New York City pigeons .
They were running out of me like a raging river .
Of course , none of them was any good .
Total s*** . ''
Too embarrassed to call for help , Cramer simply sat there in the lavatory , paralyzed , until he had run out of ideas - or , more accurately , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him .
At that point , he gave the toilet a good flush - and another , and another - and rose unsteadily to his feet .
`` I thought most of my ideas came from my brain , '' he commented .
`` But I saw very clearly that most of them come from my other end . ''
Not yet fully recovered from his case of the ideas , Cramer is seeking help from a therapist - although he has n't conveyed to her the full extent of his condition .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ all the gruesome details , '' he said .
`` She knows I have a chronic problem with ideas , and that they cause me enormous suffering .
That 's really all that matters . ''

Amidst a flurry of concerns about a new and deadly virus spreading from China, Patrick Cramer, a writer living in New York City, was stricken with a debilitating case of the ideas.
"It wasn't quite as bad as Ebola," said Cramer, who is still recuperating after his near-fatal bout of inspiration, "but it was close. No one wanted to be around me - not that I could blame them."
According to Cramer, the ideas hit him just after finishing up a hot yoga class, and sent him running for the men's room. "Blog posts, op eds, flash fiction, letters to the editor," he recounted. "Even a twelve-book children's series about a flock of New York City pigeons. They were running out of me like a raging river. Of course, none of them was any good. Total s***."
Too embarrassed to call for help, Cramer simply sat there in the lavatory, paralyzed, until he had run out of ideas - or, more accurately, until the ideas had run out of him. At that point, he gave the toilet a good flush - and another, and another - and rose unsteadily to his feet. "I thought most of my ideas came from my brain," he commented. "But I saw very clearly that most of them come from my other end."
Not yet fully recovered from his case of the ideas, Cramer is seeking help from a therapist - although he hasn't conveyed to her the full extent of his condition. "She doesn't need to know all the gruesome details," he said. "She knows I have a chronic problem with ideas, and that they cause me enormous suffering. That's really all that matters."


thespoof--2020-02-25--Weinstein Consulting With Vatican on How to Avoid Prison Sentence for Rape

Justice has been served , or so it seems , in Harvey Weinstein 's case .
As the world rejoices at the fact that someone rich and powerful finally goes to prison , a Weinstein ’ s adviser , who insisted on remaining anonymous , believes there is still hope .
“ Not so fast , ” he said to our correspondent “ We live in a world in which you can commit unspeakable crimes and get away with it .
Some of the wrongdoers–many of them my client ’ s former friends–hold positions in the US and other governments @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” “ For example , they can illegally invade and bomb a sovereign country and kill thousands of innocent civilians – yet people will believe them when they say it was for a just cause .
My client ’ s crimes seem irrelevant compared to the hideous acts committed by these powerful players.
“ “ We put all our hopes in humble , god-fearing friends in the Vatican .
They were in a somewhat similar situation some years ago .
A few of their employees , Catholic priests , sexually assaulted very young @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I know , none of them went to prison .
The priests were removed from their positions and forced to promise they will never do it again . ''
“ We hope the Vatican will give us a few tips on how to do deals with powerful people , pull strings behind the scene , and use blackmail and illegal payments to make the whole thing go away.
” “ My client claims his victims asked for it , the moment they decided to make it or break it in Hollywood .
After @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who knew what it takes to succeed in the film industry.
” “ Our team hopes it ’ s not too late to reverse the whole thing .
It would be fair if Harvey Weinstein just retired and promised he will never do it again .
”

Justice has been served, or so it seems, in Harvey Weinstein's case. As the world rejoices at the fact that someone rich and powerful finally goes to prison, a Weinstein’s adviser, who insisted on remaining anonymous, believes there is still hope.
“Not so fast,” he said to our correspondent “We live in a world in which you can commit unspeakable crimes and get away with it. Some of the wrongdoers–many of them my client’s former friends–hold positions in the US and other governments, and some are even former presidents.”
“For example, they can illegally invade and bomb a sovereign country and kill thousands of innocent civilians – yet people will believe them when they say it was for a just cause. My client’s crimes seem irrelevant compared to the hideous acts committed by these powerful players.“
“We put all our hopes in humble, god-fearing friends in the Vatican. They were in a somewhat similar situation some years ago. A few of their employees, Catholic priests, sexually assaulted very young boys, and, as far as I know, none of them went to prison. The priests were removed from their positions and forced to promise they will never do it again."
“We hope the Vatican will give us a few tips on how to do deals with powerful people, pull strings behind the scene, and use blackmail and illegal payments to make the whole thing go away.”
“My client claims his victims asked for it, the moment they decided to make it or break it in Hollywood. After all, they were all grown women who knew what it takes to succeed in the film industry.”
“Our team hopes it’s not too late to reverse the whole thing. It would be fair if Harvey Weinstein just retired and promised he will never do it again.”


thespoof--2020-02-25--Annoying Coworker Forces Woman to Face Herself

Flying in the face of her general self-perception as an open-hearted , friendly person , Charlotte O'Ryan 's hatred for a coworker she barely knows has forced her to face her darker side .
`` I know it 's not fair to hate someone I 've hardly even talked to , '' said O'Ryan of the coworker she 's nicknamed GAG - short for `` Gross Annoying Girl '' .
`` I thought I was a better person than that .
But oh , my goodness , is she annoying . ''
As O'Ryan explained it , GAG 's irritating @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , greasy , blonde hair in the restroom mirror every morning , wearing the same frumpy , gray flannel skirt several times a week , and making a big deal out of drinking tea rather than coffee .
`` The few words we have exchanged have been about how she likes her tea , '' said O'Ryan .
`` She mostly sticks to herbal , except when she needs a jolt of caffeine . ''
She cringed .
`` See what I mean ?
Annoying ! ''
O'Ryan freely admitted that her hatred @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and that if she got to know her coworker better , she might like her or , at least , only mildly dislike her .
But for now , the best O'Ryan feels she can do is not to act on her burning hatred .
`` I may not be a very nice person , but I 'm not a psychopath , '' she said .
`` Sometimes that 's as good as it gets . ''

Flying in the face of her general self-perception as an open-hearted, friendly person, Charlotte O'Ryan's hatred for a coworker she barely knows has forced her to face her darker side.
"I know it's not fair to hate someone I've hardly even talked to," said O'Ryan of the coworker she's nicknamed GAG - short for "Gross Annoying Girl". "I thought I was a better person than that. But oh, my goodness, is she annoying."
As O'Ryan explained it, GAG's irritating habits include compulsively fussing with her lank, greasy, blonde hair in the restroom mirror every morning, wearing the same frumpy, gray flannel skirt several times a week, and making a big deal out of drinking tea rather than coffee.
"The few words we have exchanged have been about how she likes her tea," said O'Ryan. "She mostly sticks to herbal, except when she needs a jolt of caffeine." She cringed. "See what I mean? Annoying!"
O'Ryan freely admitted that her hatred for GAG is not logically warranted, and that if she got to know her coworker better, she might like her or, at least, only mildly dislike her. But for now, the best O'Ryan feels she can do is not to act on her burning hatred.
"I may not be a very nice person, but I'm not a psychopath," she said. "Sometimes that's as good as it gets."


thespoof--2020-02-25--Hillary denies plot to seize nomination from Sanders this summer

Today 's rumors from news sources and Twitter indicate an insider to the Clinton Camp has candidly blown the whistle on upcoming Hillary maneuvers .
“ Here ’ s the deal that I think is going down .
I think Hillary and Bloomberg have gotten together and cooked up a scheme , ” Dick Morris said on The Cats Round-table radio show on Sunday .
Mr. Morris is a Clinton supporter opposed to Bernie Sanders , and his comments suggest a strong measure of chutzpah in the Clinton Camp working toward her nomination .
Ms. Clinton has replied : “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to serve my country , I certainly will !
” This Morris Insider Scoop explains that Bloomberg is in on the deal as a stalking horse for Ms. Clinton .
His task : siphoning off delegates so that Sanders can not win the nomination .
Mr. Bloomberg 's campaign includes spending large amounts of his personal cash , leading to charges he is trying to “ buy the election ” with totals in spending at over a half-billion already .
Currently , the DNC rule is that a candidate must win 51 % @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the nomination on the first ballot .
Meanwhile , Mr. Sanders has urged that the candidate with the most delegates should win the position .
But the Clinton Camp believes Sanders can not possibly win 51 % of the delegates , because there are too many candidates .
Therefore , a second ballot will be needed , and the Super Delegates will step in at that time .
Having saved all that time and money on not actually being in the campaign prior to this point , Hillary is ready to assume @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , no .
Nonsense !
But the third time 's the charm , right ?
” she responded .
Microsoft is reported working on an IYF App which sends out an “ emergency signal , ” according to intensity levels in response to “ in your face ” behavior .
Online dictionaries define “ In your face ” as “ a bold , defiant and aggressive manner.
” In politics , IYF is “ accompanied by confident smiling.
” Trial models of the IYF App flash red with the sound of dogs barking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .

Today's rumors from news sources and Twitter indicate an insider to the Clinton Camp has candidly blown the whistle on upcoming Hillary maneuvers.
“Here’s the deal that I think is going down. I think Hillary and Bloomberg have gotten together and cooked up a scheme,” Dick Morris said on The Cats Round-table radio show on Sunday.
Mr. Morris is a Clinton supporter opposed to Bernie Sanders, and his comments suggest a strong measure of chutzpah in the Clinton Camp working toward her nomination.
Ms. Clinton has replied: “Of course not! But if called to serve my country, I certainly will!”
This Morris Insider Scoop explains that Bloomberg is in on the deal as a stalking horse for Ms. Clinton.
(Some say that should read “stalking donkey.”)
His task: siphoning off delegates so that Sanders cannot win the nomination.
Mr. Bloomberg's campaign includes spending large amounts of his personal cash, leading to charges he is trying to “buy the election” with totals in spending at over a half-billion already.
Currently, the DNC rule is that a candidate must win 51% of the delegates in order to qualify for the nomination on the first ballot.
Meanwhile, Mr. Sanders has urged that the candidate with the most delegates should win the position.
But the Clinton Camp believes Sanders cannot possibly win 51% of the delegates, because there are too many candidates.
Therefore, a second ballot will be needed, and the Super Delegates will step in at that time.
Having saved all that time and money on not actually being in the campaign prior to this point, Hillary is ready to assume the position.
“No, no, no. Nonsense! But the third time's the charm, right?” she responded.
Breaking::
Microsoft is reported working on an IYF App which sends out an “emergency signal,” according to intensity levels in response to “in your face” behavior.
Online dictionaries define “In your face” as “a bold, defiant and aggressive manner.”
In politics, IYF is “accompanied by confident smiling.”
Trial models of the IYF App flash red with the sound of dogs barking and a siren arriving in the neighborhood.


thespoof--2020-02-26--The South Carolina Democratic Debate Turned Into A Bernie Sanders Roast

CHARLESTON , South Carolina – The audience members in the first two rows could have certainly used some raincoats as six of the candidates instantly ganged up on Bernie “ The Stud ” Sanders , and spit could be seen flying everywhere .
Sanders who is 78 , but by the end of the ‘ Pinata Party ’ probably felt 98 , ended up putting on a Carolina Panthers NFL helmet six minutes into the debate .
His six fellow candidates hit him with everything but a circus midget .
Elizabeth “ Little Red Riding Hood ” Warren who was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as Joe Biden pointed out , a pair of red granny panties , said that Bernie had to be feeling the ‘ bern ’ from his toes to his tallywacker .
Sanders turned to her and said that she was beginning to look and act more and more like Donald “ The Orange Douche Bag ” Trump .
He then said that she should really invest in some hair combs , because he ’ s seen a better looking hairdo on an effen ostrich .
Amy “ The Whiner ” Klobuchar said that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ debate .
Sanders looked at her , and said that she has a face that only a cannibal could like .
Pete “ The Kid ” Buttigieg pointed out that the last time he had seen so much hostility was when Nancy “ Cupcakes ” Pelosi told Trump that a used condom had more personality than he did .
Mike `` Money Pockets '' Bloomberg commented that “ Sacajawea ” Warren should really see about getting a personality transplant because she has all the charm of a pantiliner .
And Tom `` $ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the iNews Agency that Lizzy ( Warren ) had forgot to shave her right leg , and noted that she had a piece of chitlins stuck between her two front teeth .
IN CLOSING – Many felt that the two billionaires , Bloomberg and Steyer , did very well , and , if they ran on the same ticket , they could eliminate the nation ’ s multi-trillion-dollar deficit within 48 hours of taking office .

CHARLESTON, South Carolina – The audience members in the first two rows could have certainly used some raincoats as six of the candidates instantly ganged up on Bernie “The Stud” Sanders, and spit could be seen flying everywhere.
Sanders who is 78, but by the end of the ‘Pinata Party’ probably felt 98, ended up putting on a Carolina Panthers NFL helmet six minutes into the debate. His six fellow candidates hit him with everything but a circus midget.
Elizabeth “Little Red Riding Hood” Warren who was dressed all in red, including, as Joe Biden pointed out, a pair of red granny panties, said that Bernie had to be feeling the ‘bern’ from his toes to his tallywacker.
Sanders turned to her and said that she was beginning to look and act more and more like Donald “The Orange Douche Bag” Trump. He then said that she should really invest in some hair combs, because he’s seen a better looking hairdo on an effen ostrich.
Amy “The Whiner” Klobuchar said that Bernie nodded off three times during the debate. Sanders looked at her, and said that she has a face that only a cannibal could like.
Pete “The Kid” Buttigieg pointed out that the last time he had seen so much hostility was when Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi told Trump that a used condom had more personality than he did.
Mike "Money Pockets" Bloomberg commented that “Sacajawea” Warren should really see about getting a personality transplant because she has all the charm of a pantiliner.
And Tom "$$$" Steyer told a reporter for the iNews Agency that Lizzy (Warren) had forgot to shave her right leg, and noted that she had a piece of chitlins stuck between her two front teeth.
IN CLOSING – Many felt that the two billionaires, Bloomberg and Steyer, did very well, and, if they ran on the same ticket, they could eliminate the nation’s multi-trillion-dollar deficit within 48 hours of taking office.


thespoof--2020-02-26--Trump Wants Billions for Coronavirus; Will Spend it on Wall

Ahmadabad , India .
Woof Blister reporting for SIN - Spoof International News .
Walls were on the minds of @ @ @ @ @ Prime Minister Modi of India met President Donald Trump of the U.S. , here in @ @ @ @ @ ordered construction of a multi-million dollar `` security wall , '' intended to block the @ @ @ @ @ city 's enormous slum .
To political rivals who questioned the cost , Modi insisted @ @ @ @ @ the wall through tariffs on Mexican products sold in India .
Simultaneously , Trump asked @ @ @ @ @ to fight the Coronavirus .
A bipartisan congressional coalition insisted that was not enough , @ @ @ @ @ willing to accept billions more .
White House insiders suggest that he never intended to @ @ @ @ @ a vaccine or masks .
He plans , instead , to apply the funds to @ @ @ @ @ arguing that the wall will protect Americans from virus carriers trying to enter the country @ @ @ @ @ effective than an unproven vaccine .

Ahmadabad, India. Woof Blister reporting for SIN - Spoof International News. Walls were on the minds of both heads of state when Prime Minister Modi of India met President Donald Trump of the U.S., here in Ahmadabad on Monday.
Modi ordered construction of a multi-million dollar "security wall," intended to block the president's view of the city's enormous slum. To political rivals who questioned the cost, Modi insisted that Mexico would pay for the wall through tariffs on Mexican products sold in India.
Simultaneously, Trump asked Congress for $2.5 billion to fight the Coronavirus. A bipartisan congressional coalition insisted that was not enough, and a smiling Trump seemed willing to accept billions more. White House insiders suggest that he never intended to spend the money on developing a vaccine or masks. He plans, instead, to apply the funds to building his border wall, arguing that the wall will protect Americans from virus carriers trying to enter the country and would therefore be more effective than an unproven vaccine.


thespoof--2020-02-26--Harvey Weinstein Fondles Cellmate's Testicles

Harvey Weinstein , the former Hollywood movie producer who , on Monday , was convicted of rape and sexual assault at his trial in New York City , and now faces up to 25 years in jail , has already landed himself in hot water after allegedly fondling the testicles of his cellmate at Riker 's Island jail .
The 67-year-old escaped conviction of the most serious count of predatory sexual assault , but this was exactly what happened when he was placed in his cell , where he will await details of his sentence .
Weinstein had complained of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , after a short visit to Bellevue Hospital , he was bundled into a prison van , and packed off to jail .
Once there , he was stripped naked , and searched , then allocated a cell with long-term prisoner , Wally Buttkiss , serving 18 years for aggravated assault and armed robbery .
The guard told the ex-movie mogul , as he slammed his cell door shut : '' That 'll keep you quiet , you animal ! ''
Within thirty minutes however , Weinstein had convinced the gullible Buttkiss that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into a major Hollywood hit , if only the robber would follow the rapist 's instructions .
There was a scream , and guards rushed into the cell to find Buttkiss cowering in a corner with his trousers around his ankles , and Weinstein sitting innocently on the edge of his bed , looking as if butter would n't melt in his mouth .
And , indeed , after staff brought some butter from the prison kitchen , and it was placed in Weinstein 's mouth , , and he was allowed to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it , which appeared to give him great pleasure .
Later , the prison governor moved his eyebrows up and down menacingly , as he said : '' Some of the other prisoners have already requested the use of butter for some other purpose .
Do n't worry , we 're going to take good care of Mr Weinstein whilst he 's staying here with us . ''

Harvey Weinstein, the former Hollywood movie producer who, on Monday, was convicted of rape and sexual assault at his trial in New York City, and now faces up to 25 years in jail, has already landed himself in hot water after allegedly fondling the testicles of his cellmate at Riker's Island jail.
The 67-year-old escaped conviction of the most serious count of predatory sexual assault, but this was exactly what happened when he was placed in his cell, where he will await details of his sentence.
Weinstein had complained of chest pains after the verdict, but, after a short visit to Bellevue Hospital, he was bundled into a prison van, and packed off to jail. Once there, he was stripped naked, and searched, then allocated a cell with long-term prisoner, Wally Buttkiss, serving 18 years for aggravated assault and armed robbery.
The guard told the ex-movie mogul, as he slammed his cell door shut:
"That'll keep you quiet, you animal!"
Within thirty minutes however, Weinstein had convinced the gullible Buttkiss that he could turn his extraordinary life story into a major Hollywood hit, if only the robber would follow the rapist's instructions.
There was a scream, and guards rushed into the cell to find Buttkiss cowering in a corner with his trousers around his ankles, and Weinstein sitting innocently on the edge of his bed, looking as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
And, indeed, after staff brought some butter from the prison kitchen, and it was placed in Weinstein's mouth, it didn't melt , and he was allowed to suck it a bit, then swallow it, which appeared to give him great pleasure.
Later, the prison governor moved his eyebrows up and down menacingly, as he said:
"Some of the other prisoners have already requested the use of butter for some other purpose. Don't worry, we're going to take good care of Mr Weinstein whilst he's staying here with us."


thespoof--2020-02-26--Taylor Swift Surprises Her Millions of Voting Age Fans With An Amazing Political Offer Regarding Tru

Taylor Swift Surprises Her Millions of Voting Age Fans With An Amazing Political Offer Regarding Trump

MEMPHIS - One of the most popular singers on the music scene today is Taylor Swift .
She has sold over 200 million singles and albums worldwide , including 3.2 million in Guatemala alone .
Tay-Tay , as her 100 million-plus Twitter and Instagram followers call her , has made no bones about the fact that she can not stand the “ Mar-a-Lago Liar '' .
Miss Swift is seriously thinking about telling her millions of fans that are of voting age that , if they promise to vote for anyone , anyone other than Trump , she will give @ @ @ @ @ @ @ autographed tickets to one of her upcoming concerts .
A representative for the Re-Elect Trump Campaign , who said that his name is Bubba P. Muddley , 91 , remarked that Trump is so scared of Taylor that he is acting as nervous as an egg-laying hen at a coyote convention .
When POTUS heard about what Taylor had said , he made a wrinkly face and said , “ I do not know this Taylor Swift girl , nor have I ever heard any of her songs or worn any of her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ – The Chicago Daily Wind reported that Taylor ’ s fans are so numerous , that they could even get a milk cow elected over Comrade Trumpski .

MEMPHIS - One of the most popular singers on the music scene today is Taylor Swift. She has sold over 200 million singles and albums worldwide, including 3.2 million in Guatemala alone.
Tay-Tay, as her 100 million-plus Twitter and Instagram followers call her, has made no bones about the fact that she cannot stand the “Mar-a-Lago Liar".
Miss Swift is seriously thinking about telling her millions of fans that are of voting age that, if they promise to vote for anyone, anyone other than Trump, she will give each one who does 4 free personally autographed tickets to one of her upcoming concerts.
A representative for the Re-Elect Trump Campaign, who said that his name is Bubba P. Muddley, 91, remarked that Trump is so scared of Taylor that he is acting as nervous as an egg-laying hen at a coyote convention.
When POTUS heard about what Taylor had said, he made a wrinkly face and said, “I do not know this Taylor Swift girl, nor have I ever heard any of her songs or worn any of her perfume…Eau du Tay Tay.”
IN CLOSING – The Chicago Daily Wind reported that Taylor’s fans are so numerous, that they could even get a milk cow elected over Comrade Trumpski.


thespoof--2020-02-25--President Trump Travels To The California Border To Find Out Why His Fantastic Border Wall Keeps Fal

President Trump Travels To The California Border To Find Out Why His Fantastic Border Wall Keeps Falling Down

CALEXICO , California – Before President Trump left for his trip to India , he and Ivanka visited the California border town of Calexico .
Trump had flown there to find out why his beautiful perfect border wall has already fallen down a total of 19 times just since the beginning of the year .
POTUS talked with Calexico ’ s Mayor Johnny Jimmy Jessie Puddle , 43 .
He asked him why his border wall keeps falling down .
3J , as he is called , said that Calexico has some very powerful winds that , at times , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ 113 mph !
Really ?
” asked Trump .
“ Well maybe more like 63 mph , ” 3J replied .
Trump smiled , “ 63 ?
” 3J said , “ Well to be perfectly honest , the winds in Calexico never get over 7 mph.
” Trump was quite upset .
He asked him why the hell he was lying to him .
3J grinned and said , “ I just wanted you to see how we all feel every single day when you constantly effen lie to us.
” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ El Dumbo Trumpo ” turned to one of his secret service agents and yelled out , “ Shoot him !
Shoot the damn terrorist !
” The agent held up his hands .
Trump then screamed like a 12-year-old little girl .
“ Give me your friggin gun , I ’ ll shoot the anti-Trumper myself.
” Suddenly three agents quickly and quietly led POTUS away to a waiting ambulance .
IN NON-RELATED NEWS – Laura “ Trigger Face ” Ingraham says that the rumors that she is pregnant with Tucker “ Duh-Duh @ @ @ @ @ @ @ positively false .

CALEXICO, California – Before President Trump left for his trip to India, he and Ivanka visited the California border town of Calexico.
Trump had flown there to find out why his beautiful perfect border wall has already fallen down a total of 19 times just since the beginning of the year.
POTUS talked with Calexico’s Mayor Johnny Jimmy Jessie Puddle, 43. He asked him why his border wall keeps falling down. 3J, as he is called, said that Calexico has some very powerful winds that, at times, can reach up to 113 mph.
“113 mph! Really?” asked Trump. “Well maybe more like 63 mph,” 3J replied. Trump smiled, “63?” 3J said, “Well to be perfectly honest, the winds in Calexico never get over 7 mph.”
Trump was quite upset. He asked him why the hell he was lying to him. 3J grinned and said, “I just wanted you to see how we all feel every single day when you constantly effen lie to us.”
The man that Brad Pitt calls “El Dumbo Trumpo” turned to one of his secret service agents and yelled out, “Shoot him! Shoot the damn terrorist!”
The agent held up his hands. Trump then screamed like a 12-year-old little girl. “Give me your friggin gun, I’ll shoot the anti-Trumper myself.” Suddenly three agents quickly and quietly led POTUS away to a waiting ambulance.
IN NON-RELATED NEWS – Laura “Trigger Face” Ingraham says that the rumors that she is pregnant with Tucker “Duh-Duh Face” Carlson’s baby are positively false.


thespoof--2020-02-25--Trump’s Doctors Discover That The President Has A New Bone Spur and It's Located In A Very, Very Str

Trump’s Doctors Discover That The President Has A New Bone Spur and It's Located In A Very, Very Strange Place

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The president went in for a routine checkup and his doctors were quite surprised .
One of the doctors told POTUS that he is 71 pounds overweight .
Trump shouted .
“ The damn scales are off by 71 pounds .
They must have been manufactured down in El Salvador.
” The second doctor told him that he had discovered a bone spur in a really weird location .
“ My pecker ?
” Trump asked .
“ No sir , your pee-pee is okay.
” The doctor grinned and added , “ It ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but if Melania is fine with it…then that ’ s all that counts.
” “ So where is my new bone spur located ?
” Trump asked .
“ Mr .
President , it ’ s located in your tongue.
” “ MY TONGUE ?
” the president yelled .
He was shown an X-ray that clearly showed he had a bone spur the size of a little Cheeto in his tongue .
Trump stayed very quiet .
“ So tell me , doc , ” he asked , “ can you take @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was told that the bone spur could be removed , but that he would no longer be able to tell all of the countless lies that he tells on a daily basis .
Trump thought for a few moments , and then said , “ Then leave the motherf ’ er in !
” He screamed .
“ If I can ’ t lie at least 20 times a day , I ’ m afraid that I ’ ll go bat shit crazy.
” IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Lou “ The Bullfrog @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Most Obnoxiously Obnoxious Man On Television .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The president went in for a routine checkup and his doctors were quite surprised. One of the doctors told POTUS that he is 71 pounds overweight. Trump shouted. “The damn scales are off by 71 pounds. They must have been manufactured down in El Salvador.”
The second doctor told him that he had discovered a bone spur in a really weird location. “My pecker?” Trump asked. “No sir, your pee-pee is okay.” The doctor grinned and added, “It’s a bit on the tiny side, but if Melania is fine with it…then that’s all that counts.”
“So where is my new bone spur located?” Trump asked. “Mr. President, it’s located in your tongue.” “MY TONGUE?” the president yelled. He was shown an X-ray that clearly showed he had a bone spur the size of a little Cheeto in his tongue.
Trump stayed very quiet. “So tell me, doc,” he asked, “can you take the bone spur out?” He was told that the bone spur could be removed, but that he would no longer be able to tell all of the countless lies that he tells on a daily basis.
Trump thought for a few moments, and then said, “Then leave the motherf’er in!” He screamed. “If I can’t lie at least 20 times a day, I’m afraid that I’ll go bat shit crazy.”
IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Lou “The Bullfrog” Dobbs has just been voted the Most Obnoxiously Obnoxious Man On Television.


thespoof--2020-02-24--President Trump Visits India and Immediately Insults The Entire Country By Saying He Wants a Big Mac

President Trump Visits India and Immediately Insults The Entire Country By Saying He Wants a Big Mac Burger

NEW DELHI , India – President Trump landed at the Ravi Shankar International Airport and was greeted by a crowd estimated to be about 95 or maybe 98 , including two dozen or so airport workers .
It was very windy as the president waved to the crowd many who were able to see just exactly how thin his ugly orange hair has become just in the past three years .
The first lady looked very sexy dressed in a pink halter top and a pair of very tight-fitting Daisy Duke short shorts .
She commented how much she loves @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
POTUS who Clint Eastwood calls “ Dainty Hands ” Trump said that he was hungry .
An Indian representative asked him what he would like .
And Trump quickly answered , “ Well , this perfect president could sure go for a Big Mac burger right about now.
” There was a sudden hush in the crowd as within minutes of landing in India , the alleged non-colluder had already succeeded in insulting the entire Indian population .
Trump aide Kellyanne “ Lying Lips ” Conway whispered to him that Indian people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ corrected her by telling her that she had India totally confused with Ireland .
IN CLOSING – Trump reportedly told a member of his secret service detail that the Taj Mahal would be a great place to put a McDonalds in .

NEW DELHI, India – President Trump landed at the Ravi Shankar International Airport and was greeted by a crowd estimated to be about 95 or maybe 98, including two dozen or so airport workers.
It was very windy as the president waved to the crowd many who were able to see just exactly how thin his ugly orange hair has become just in the past three years.
The first lady looked very sexy dressed in a pink halter top and a pair of very tight-fitting Daisy Duke short shorts. She commented how much she loves India and her enormous deposits of ink.
POTUS who Clint Eastwood calls “Dainty Hands” Trump said that he was hungry. An Indian representative asked him what he would like. And Trump quickly answered, “Well, this perfect president could sure go for a Big Mac burger right about now.”
There was a sudden hush in the crowd as within minutes of landing in India, the alleged non-colluder had already succeeded in insulting the entire Indian population.
Trump aide Kellyanne “Lying Lips” Conway whispered to him that Indian people consider cows to be sacred. He corrected her by telling her that she had India totally confused with Ireland.
IN CLOSING – Trump reportedly told a member of his secret service detail that the Taj Mahal would be a great place to put a McDonalds in.


thespoof--2020-02-24--Trump Plans To Completely Destroy News Outlets Like CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, And NBC

MT .
AIRY , Maryland – The president was in the town of Mt .
Airy on a campaign tour .
He was speaking before 196 supporters and 13 non-supporters .
He told the crowd that he is making two lists and checking them both twice .
He said that the first list contains the names of 27 Democratic senators that he plans on having deported by Columbus Day in October .
He said that , at the very top of that list , is Nancy “ Cupcakes ” Pelosi .
The man that Amy Klobuchar calls “ The Mar-a-Lago @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a secondary “ Destroy These News Outlets ” list that includes CNN , MSNBC , ABC , CBS , NBC , XYZ , and about a dozen others .
CNN ’ s Don “ Rainbow ” Lemon asked his viewers in his Louisiana accent , “ Hmmmm Y ’ all , Isn ’ t that the strategy that Hitler used to become the most evil , hateful , demonic piece of skunk shit in recorded history ?
” The “ Orange Pecker ” as Stormy Daniels refers to him , said that , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of his effen way , then there will be no one or nothing in his way , and he will stop being the president , and , at that point , he will become the very first King of The United States of America .
IN A RELATED STORY – The Chicago Daily Wind reported that when that happens - and it will - Melania will then become the most beautiful queen in the entire world .
Second son , Eric , is reported to have said , “ Oh goody golly gee @ @ @ @ @ @ @ become Prince Eric , The Cutey .
”

MT. AIRY, Maryland – The president was in the town of Mt. Airy on a campaign tour. He was speaking before 196 supporters and 13 non-supporters.
He told the crowd that he is making two lists and checking them both twice. He said that the first list contains the names of 27 Democratic senators that he plans on having deported by Columbus Day in October. He said that, at the very top of that list, is Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi.
The man that Amy Klobuchar calls “The Mar-a-Lago Liar” also said that he has a secondary “Destroy These News Outlets” list that includes CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC, XYZ, and about a dozen others.
CNN’s Don “Rainbow” Lemon asked his viewers in his Louisiana accent, “Hmmmm Y’all, Isn’t that the strategy that Hitler used to become the most evil, hateful, demonic piece of skunk shit in recorded history?”
The “Orange Pecker” as Stormy Daniels refers to him, said that, once he gets these news groups out of his effen way, then there will be no one or nothing in his way, and he will stop being the president, and, at that point, he will become the very first King of The United States of America.
IN A RELATED STORY – The Chicago Daily Wind reported that when that happens - and it will - Melania will then become the most beautiful queen in the entire world. Second son, Eric, is reported to have said, “Oh goody golly gee willakers, I can hardly wait to become Prince Eric, The Cutey.”


thespoof--2020-02-28--Mike Bloomberg Compares His Billions To Trump’s Billions and The Result Will Shock You

TARBORO , South Carolina – Mike Bloomberg , the multi-billionaire who is picking up more Democratic support than Lizzy Warren , Joey Biden , and the Bernster Sanders put together , says that he is in “ Full Kick-ass ” mode .
President Trump has said that Bloomberg is too short to be president .
“ Bloomy ” as former Republican , Clint Eastwood , affectionately calls him , said that , if you take away Trump ’ s humongous ego , he would go from being 6 foot 2 , to being 5 foot 1 .
He went on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Bullshit ” is about as worthless as tits on a male mannequin .
He noted that if Trump spent one-tenth as much time on the national deficit as he does hitting that friggin little golf ball , the U.S. deficit could be cut down to $ 9,500 by Christmas .
Bloomberg added that , of the 44 countries in Europe , 43 have gone on record as saying that Trump is not only the worst president in the history of presidents , but he is also the worst person in the history of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ York City stated that he is worth $ 62 billion , whereas Comrade Trumpski is only worth $ 3 billion .
Bloomberg laughed , and pointed out that , compared to him , Old Orange Boy should be applying for food stamps .
IN UNRELATED NEWS – Reports coming out of Buckingham Palace say that Queen Elizabeth is so upset with her grandson Prince Harry and his wife Meghan , that she ’ s gone from weighing 128 pounds down to 113 pounds .
An aide stated that her crown no longer fits @

TARBORO, South Carolina – Mike Bloomberg, the multi-billionaire who is picking up more Democratic support than Lizzy Warren, Joey Biden, and the Bernster Sanders put together, says that he is in “Full Kick-ass” mode.
President Trump has said that Bloomberg is too short to be president. “Bloomy” as former Republican, Clint Eastwood, affectionately calls him, said that, if you take away Trump’s humongous ego, he would go from being 6 foot 2, to being 5 foot 1.
He went on to say that old President “Sitting Bullshit” is about as worthless as tits on a male mannequin. He noted that if Trump spent one-tenth as much time on the national deficit as he does hitting that friggin little golf ball, the U.S. deficit could be cut down to $9,500 by Christmas.
Bloomberg added that, of the 44 countries in Europe, 43 have gone on record as saying that Trump is not only the worst president in the history of presidents, but he is also the worst person in the history of persons.
The former mayor of New York City stated that he is worth $62 billion, whereas Comrade Trumpski is only worth $3 billion. Bloomberg laughed, and pointed out that, compared to him, Old Orange Boy should be applying for food stamps.
IN UNRELATED NEWS – Reports coming out of Buckingham Palace say that Queen Elizabeth is so upset with her grandson Prince Harry and his wife Meghan, that she’s gone from weighing 128 pounds down to 113 pounds. An aide stated that her crown no longer fits properly


thespoof--2020-02-28--Bernie Sanders Refuses Russia’s Amazingly Generous Campaign Offer

LONG BRANCH , South Carolina – The candidate who is leading the Democratic pack running for president , Bernie Sanders , told The Washington Globe Express that he has just received a tremendously generous offer from President Vladimir Putin of Russia .
Sanders said that he received a call from a Mr. Yurlovo Molovenko , who said he was one of Putin ’ s top aides .
Bernie noted that Molovenko had informed him that Putin wanted to donate $ 18 million to the Sanders ' Democratic Campaign Fund .
Bernie , who hates billionaires , Trump ’ s base @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and the dipshit in the White House , told Molovenko to tell Vlady thanks , but no thanks .
The 78-year-old Sanders said that he would rather kiss an oil-stained walrus before he would accept any money from Trump ’ s Russian boyfriend .
Molovenko replied , “ Okay , is no big deal , Rip Van Winkle .
We give dee $ 18 million to the Trumpster .
He will take it in an effen New York second.
” IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Senator Lindsey “ Dixie Belle ” Graham @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the rumor that he secretly fantasizes about French kissing Anderson Cooper .

LONG BRANCH, South Carolina – The candidate who is leading the Democratic pack running for president, Bernie Sanders, told The Washington Globe Express that he has just received a tremendously generous offer from President Vladimir Putin of Russia.
Sanders said that he received a call from a Mr. Yurlovo Molovenko, who said he was one of Putin’s top aides. Bernie noted that Molovenko had informed him that Putin wanted to donate $18 million to the Sanders' Democratic Campaign Fund.
Bernie, who hates billionaires, Trump’s base, Russian food, hair combover jokes, and the dipshit in the White House, told Molovenko to tell Vlady thanks, but no thanks.
The 78-year-old Sanders said that he would rather kiss an oil-stained walrus before he would accept any money from Trump’s Russian boyfriend.
Molovenko replied, “Okay, is no big deal, Rip Van Winkle. We give dee $18 million to the Trumpster. He will take it in an effen New York second.”
IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Senator Lindsey “Dixie Belle” Graham says that there is no truth to the rumor that he secretly fantasizes about French kissing Anderson Cooper.


thespoof--2020-02-28--Melania Trump Reveals Why She Wants To Move Back To New York City

WASHINGTON , D.C. - Reports coming out of the White House are that first lady Melania Trump is not a very happy camper .
An unnamed White House insider said that Melania has recently been looking at photographs of Trump Tower and she suddenly breaks out in uncontrollable sobs .
The statuesque Melania , who stands 5 foot 11 , has reportedly lost a lot of weight due to all the stress .
Donald Trump Jr. said that he thinks that his step-mother still looks stunningly sexy in her Daisy Duke short shorts .
Melania has said that she misses @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the Big Apple .
She remarked that she misses the endless sound of sirens .
Melly , as her BFF Meghan Markle calls her , pointed out in her Slovenian accent , “ I juss want tu be back in my own jumongous bed and tu bees right nexted tu Giovanni ’ s Pizza-To-Go , who always he gives to me a fisteen percent deescount.
” When she was asked what the president has to say about her desire to move back into Trump Tower , her eyes got the size of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Lookie here ju hokey pokey guy , I dun ’ t geeve a rat ’ s ass what dat man he teenks .
Eeef I wants tu go back tu New Jork , I can goes and Donald he can geeve a beeg keys to my sexy Slovenian ass jes ?
” IN CLOSING – Melania reportedly told Meghan Markle that if Trump gives her a hard time about her wanting to return to New York , she will show him the very intimate photos of him and Sean Hannity that Stormy @ @ @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reports coming out of the White House are that first lady Melania Trump is not a very happy camper.
An unnamed White House insider said that Melania has recently been looking at photographs of Trump Tower and she suddenly breaks out in uncontrollable sobs.
The statuesque Melania, who stands 5 foot 11, has reportedly lost a lot of weight due to all the stress. Donald Trump Jr. said that he thinks that his step-mother still looks stunningly sexy in her Daisy Duke short shorts.
Melania has said that she misses all of the daily hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. She remarked that she misses the endless sound of sirens.
Melly, as her BFF Meghan Markle calls her, pointed out in her Slovenian accent, “I juss want tu be back in my own jumongous bed and tu bees right nexted tu Giovanni’s Pizza-To-Go, who always he gives to me a fisteen percent deescount.”
When she was asked what the president has to say about her desire to move back into Trump Tower, her eyes got the size of ping pong balls and she said, “Lookie here ju hokey pokey guy, I dun’t geeve a rat’s ass what dat man he teenks. Eeef I wants tu go back tu New Jork, I can goes and Donald he can geeve a beeg keys to my sexy Slovenian ass jes?”
IN CLOSING – Melania reportedly told Meghan Markle that if Trump gives her a hard time about her wanting to return to New York, she will show him the very intimate photos of him and Sean Hannity that Stormy Daniels mailed to her last year.


thespoof--2020-02-27--An Ex-Hooters Girl Claims That President Trump Fathered Her Triplets

CHICAGO – The Chicago Daily Wind is reporting that a woman has come forward alleging that the occupant of the White House , Donald J. Trump , is the father of her 13-year-old triplet daughters .
Milly Wetwind , 34 , who goes by the name of Milly Knockers , told the Daily Wind that she had just started working at Hooters when she met Donald Trump .
She remarked that he was charming , and talked to her about hamburgers , golf , Trump University , Russia , his gigantic pecker , and her D-Cup-size tits .
Wetwind said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Tijuana , Mexico , Mr. Trump left her a $ 2 tip , and his private cell phone number , which is [ Number deleted by Editor ] .
Milly said that she has called Trump about 170 times since the birth of her triplet daughters , but every time the recorded message says “ Mr .
Trump is golfing , so he will call you back.
” A reporter for the Daily Wind did manage to catch up with Trump at the Mrs. Daniel Boone Invitational Golf Tournament in Bowling Green @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the photo of the triplets .
Trump looked at the photo and replied , “ Well , for one , I have never ever been to Chicago .
Two , I have no effen idea where Chicago even is .
Three , I do not recall ever talking to a Milly Wetwind , and four , anyone can tell that the girls look nothing at all like me.
” POTUS then remarked , “ I mean , lets get real here .
Anyone , even Steve Mnuchin can see that the three little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” IN CLOSING - Ms. Wetwind said that her three daughters named Donisha , Donzellondra , and Trumpelina are not really black .
She pointed out that they all just have some fabulously fantastic tans .

CHICAGO – The Chicago Daily Wind is reporting that a woman has come forward alleging that the occupant of the White House, Donald J. Trump, is the father of her 13-year-old triplet daughters.
Milly Wetwind, 34, who goes by the name of Milly Knockers, told the Daily Wind that she had just started working at Hooters when she met Donald Trump.
She remarked that he was charming, and talked to her about hamburgers, golf, Trump University, Russia, his gigantic pecker, and her D-Cup-size tits.
Wetwind said that, before he left to fly to Tijuana, Mexico, Mr. Trump left her a $2 tip, and his private cell phone number, which is [Number deleted by Editor].
Milly said that she has called Trump about 170 times since the birth of her triplet daughters, but every time the recorded message says “Mr. Trump is golfing, so he will call you back.”
A reporter for the Daily Wind did manage to catch up with Trump at the Mrs. Daniel Boone Invitational Golf Tournament in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and he showed him the photo of the triplets.
Trump looked at the photo and replied, “Well, for one, I have never ever been to Chicago. Two, I have no effen idea where Chicago even is. Three, I do not recall ever talking to a Milly Wetwind, and four, anyone can tell that the girls look nothing at all like me.”
POTUS then remarked, “I mean, lets get real here. Anyone, even Steve Mnuchin can see that the three little girls in the photo are all black.”
IN CLOSING - Ms. Wetwind said that her three daughters named Donisha, Donzellondra, and Trumpelina are not really black. She pointed out that they all just have some fabulously fantastic tans.


thespoof--2020-02-28--BOOM! Trump To Use Neutron Bomb On China To Get Rid Of Coronavirus

BILLINGSGATE POST : In a call to Chinese President , Xi Jinping , President Trump said they discussed carpet bombing China with neutron bombs to knock out the Coronavirus , which originated in China , killing untold thousands while pummeling world financial markets .
A neutron bomb , officially defined as a type of enhanced radiation weapon ( ERW ) , is a low-yield thermonuclear weapon designed to maximize lethal neutron radiation in the immediate vicinity of the blast while minimizing the physical power of the blast itself .
The neutron release generated by a nuclear fusion reaction is intentionally @ @ @ @ @ @ @ than being absorbed by its other components .
In a nutshell , the neutron blast can penetrate any surface , completely sanitizing underlying viruses and bacteria up to a depth of two feet , thus making it more lethal as a tactical weapon against the Coronavirus than even a country-wide , balls-to-the-wall , Stanley Steamer treatment .
The reduced blast damage was seen as an important advantage over using Stanley Steamer to cleanse China of the virus .
The neutron bomb , although lethal to humans and animals , does not destroy buildings @ @ @ @ @ @ @ eventual repopulation of the decimated countries .
Although Trump and Xi admitted that it was a draconian measure , both agreed that , left unchecked , the virus would cause the stock market to dip even lower .
The only concession Xi Jinping asked for , was a “ heads up ” so that he and his family could leave China before the bombing commenced .
Slim : “ Bombs away !
Let Buddha sort them out.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
AI Robots are gon na take over anyway @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ”

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a call to Chinese President, Xi Jinping, President Trump said they discussed carpet bombing China with neutron bombs to knock out the Coronavirus, which originated in China, killing untold thousands while pummeling world financial markets.
A neutron bomb, officially defined as a type of enhanced radiation weapon (ERW), is a low-yield thermonuclear weapon designed to maximize lethal neutron radiation in the immediate vicinity of the blast, while minimizing the physical power of the blast itself. The neutron release generated by a nuclear fusion reaction is intentionally allowed to escape the weapon, rather than being absorbed by its other components.
In a nutshell, the neutron blast can penetrate any surface, completely sanitizing underlying viruses and bacteria up to a depth of two feet, thus making it more lethal as a tactical weapon against the Coronavirus than even a country-wide, balls-to-the-wall, Stanley Steamer treatment. The reduced blast damage was seen as an important advantage over using Stanley Steamer to cleanse China of the virus.
The neutron bomb, although lethal to humans and animals, does not destroy buildings and infrastructure; thus allowing for the eventual repopulation of the decimated countries. Although Trump and Xi admitted that it was a draconian measure, both agreed that, left unchecked, the virus would cause the stock market to dip even lower.
The only concession Xi Jinping asked for, was a “heads up” so that he and his family could leave China before the bombing commenced.
Slim: “Bombs away! Let Buddha sort them out.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. AI Robots are gonna take over anyway. You reap what you sow.”


thespoof--2020-02-28--Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Drink More*

Frustrated at Americans ’ reluctance to abide by even its most tepid dietary guidelines , the long-ignored Food and Drug Administration garnered its most positive attention in decades with the issuance of a press release encouraging Americans to drink more .
* “ Fluids are so important , ” noted FDA Commissioner , Stephen Hahn .
“ Did you know that our bodies are mostly water ?
About sixty percent , in fact.
” Emphasizing the importance of sufficient hydration , the FDA press release urged Americans to up their consumption of beverages containing water .
“ Even just an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beverage* can make all the difference in the average person 's health , ” stated the report .
In a footnote in six-point font , the FDA report clarified that the “ right beverage* ” and “ drink more* ” recommendations referred specifically to water .
When pressed as to why the FDA had not included the detail about water in the report body , Commissioner Hahn explained that the goal was to prevent people from getting overly caught up in details .
In a rare moment of vulnerability , however , he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we just wanted people to like us .
It 's painful being dismissed out of hand all the time .
Is it really so wrong to want some friends ? ''
And the FDA 's user-friendly message does , indeed , seem to have won it some new allies .
For instance , 33-year-old Javen Nelson of Nashville , Tennessee , said that he was impressed by the FDA 's new dietary recommendation .
“ I ’ ve never paid much attention to the nonsense they spout , because I figured it was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Pharma , '' he said .
`` But this report caught my attention .
It talked common sense.
” Nelson went on to state that if the FDA issues a follow-up report encouraging marijuana use , he just might become a die-hard FDA fan .
“ We ’ re working on that one , ” said Commissioner Hahn .
“ Stay tuned .
”

Frustrated at Americans’ reluctance to abide by even its most tepid dietary guidelines, the long-ignored Food and Drug Administration garnered its most positive attention in decades with the issuance of a press release encouraging Americans to drink more.*
“Fluids are so important,” noted FDA Commissioner, Stephen Hahn. “Did you know that our bodies are mostly water? About sixty percent, in fact.”
Emphasizing the importance of sufficient hydration, the FDA press release urged Americans to up their consumption of beverages containing water. “Even just an extra glass or two of the right beverage* can make all the difference in the average person's health,” stated the report. In a footnote in six-point font, the FDA report clarified that the “right beverage*” and “drink more*” recommendations referred specifically to water.
When pressed as to why the FDA had not included the detail about water in the report body, Commissioner Hahn explained that the goal was to prevent people from getting overly caught up in details. In a rare moment of vulnerability, however, he added, “Mainly, though, we just wanted people to like us. It's painful being dismissed out of hand all the time. Is it really so wrong to want some friends?"
And the FDA's user-friendly message does, indeed, seem to have won it some new allies. For instance, 33-year-old Javen Nelson of Nashville, Tennessee, said that he was impressed by the FDA's new dietary recommendation. “I’ve never paid much attention to the nonsense they spout, because I figured it was all corrupted by corporate interests and Big Pharma," he said. "But this report caught my attention. It talked common sense.”
Nelson went on to state that if the FDA issues a follow-up report encouraging marijuana use, he just might become a die-hard FDA fan.
“We’re working on that one,” said Commissioner Hahn. “Stay tuned.”


thespoof--2020-03-01--Progressive Republicans Aim to Change System from Within by Having Conflicted Feelings about Continu

Progressive Republicans Aim to Change System from Within by Having Conflicted Feelings about Continuing to Go Along with System as It Is

“ I believe in change from within , ” said progressive Republican Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee , who gained notoriety for his much-debated decision to vote in favor of excluding witnesses from the Senate impeachment trial of President Donald Trump .
“ And that can be accomplished only by staying firmly entrenched in the system , which is what I ’ ve always strived to do.
” Alexander emphasized that he did feel that Trump ’ s act of asking a foreign leader to investigate Trump ’ s political rival Joe Biden , and delaying military aid to Ukraine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ very , very wrong .
`` But the best way to transform an admittedly corrupt political structure , '' he noted , `` is to do nothing . ''
Other Republican Senators of conscience , like Ben Sasse of Nebraska , agreed .
“ Americans should take heart in knowing that I had to fight every bone in my conscience to help prevent President Trump ’ s removal from office , ” he said .
“ But there 's absolutely no hope of changing the system if we do n't first preserve it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who preferred to remain anonymous , pledged to do everything in her power to ensure Trump ’ s reelection , so that she can continue to stay true to her own moral code by having very strong distaste for the president ’ s abhorrent conduct - past and future .
“ Regardless of my external actions , I never deviate from my internal sense of right and wrong , '' she stated .
`` It 's not always easy , but that ’ s what being a public servant is all about .
@

“I believe in change from within,” said progressive Republican Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, who gained notoriety for his much-debated decision to vote in favor of excluding witnesses from the Senate impeachment trial of President Donald Trump. “And that can be accomplished only by staying firmly entrenched in the system, which is what I’ve always strived to do.”
Alexander emphasized that he did feel that Trump’s act of asking a foreign leader to investigate Trump’s political rival Joe Biden, and delaying military aid to Ukraine to encourage such an investigation, was very, very wrong. "But the best way to transform an admittedly corrupt political structure," he noted, "is to do nothing."
Other Republican Senators of conscience, like Ben Sasse of Nebraska, agreed. “Americans should take heart in knowing that I had to fight every bone in my conscience to help prevent President Trump’s removal from office,” he said. “But there's absolutely no hope of changing the system if we don't first preserve it."
Another forward-thinking Republican senator, who preferred to remain anonymous, pledged to do everything in her power to ensure Trump’s reelection, so that she can continue to stay true to her own moral code by having very strong distaste for the president’s abhorrent conduct - past and future. “Regardless of my external actions, I never deviate from my internal sense of right and wrong," she stated. "It's not always easy, but that’s what being a public servant is all about.”


thespoof--2020-02-29--US to shutdown internet to stop spread of new Online Coronavirus

US officials have confirmed the internet will be shut down .
Director of US internet relations , James Chadwick , @ @ @ @ @ internet comes from China , and to help keep a virtual virus from spreading , @ @ @ @ @ internet will occur . ''
No details have been given at this time , but @ @ @ @ @ shutdown could occur this week .
President Donald Trump was recorded talking to his advisers @ @ @ @ @ don '' t we just bomb the internet ? ''
The situation would shut down @ @ @ @ @ with internet connections , as well as Twitter and Instagram .
Surprisingly , ALL porn @ @ @ @ @ virus , prompting the question `` is it really bad ?
More developing on this @ @

US officials have confirmed the internet will be shut down.
Director of US internet relations, James Chadwick, has said, "All internet comes from China, and to help keep a virtual virus from spreading, a complete shutdown of the internet will occur."
No details have been given at this time, but it is likely that the shutdown could occur this week. President Donald Trump was recorded talking to his advisers, stating, "Why don"t we just bomb the internet?"
The situation would shut down Facebook and all other apps with internet connections, as well as Twitter and Instagram.
Surprisingly, ALL porn sites are immune to the virus, prompting the question "is it really bad?
More developing on this story!


thespoof--2020-03-01--President Trump Sarcastically Chimes In On The South Carolina Democratic Primary

WASHINGTON , D.C. – The president was asked by a reporter with RumorLand News for his opinion on the Democratic Primary .
Trump grinned and said that he didn ’ t really see much of of it because he was watching reruns of “ Gilligan ’ s Island.
” He did say that he was glad to see that the Indian maiden ( Elizabeth Warren ) got her squaw butt kicked .
He giggled and said that now she can go back home and get back to what she does best and that ’ s re-arranging her food pantry alphabetically @ @ @ @ @ @ @ calls “ Old Pumpkin Head ” said that he really enjoyed watching Warren get clobbered like a pinata in East Los Angeles .
He noted that Princess Lieawatha finally learned that you can not speak with a forked tongue and tell people that one can get T-Bone steak from an egg-laying hen .
He also noted that Pete “ The Kid ” Buttigieg did not resonate with folks who just do not like to see a grown man ride sidesaddle .
When POTUS was asked about Sanders he put down his KFC bucket @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and older .
He wondered if maybe he shouldn ’ t start letting his wife do most of the campaign speeches .
IN OTHER NEWS - Eric Trump told Laura `` Trigger Face '' Ingraham of Fox News that at times he wishes he had a puppy instead of a brother .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The president was asked by a reporter with RumorLand News for his opinion on the Democratic Primary.
Trump grinned and said that he didn’t really see much of of it because he was watching reruns of “Gilligan’s Island.”
He did say that he was glad to see that the Indian maiden (Elizabeth Warren) got her squaw butt kicked. He giggled and said that now she can go back home and get back to what she does best and that’s re-arranging her food pantry alphabetically.
The man that Clint Eastwood now calls “Old Pumpkin Head” said that he really enjoyed watching Warren get clobbered like a pinata in East Los Angeles.
He noted that Princess Lieawatha finally learned that you cannot speak with a forked tongue and tell people that one can get T-Bone steak from an egg-laying hen.
He also noted that Pete “The Kid” Buttigieg did not resonate with folks who just do not like to see a grown man ride sidesaddle.
When POTUS was asked about Sanders he put down his KFC bucket and commented that Bernie is looking older and older. He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t start letting his wife do most of the campaign speeches.
IN OTHER NEWS - Eric Trump told Laura "Trigger Face" Ingraham of Fox News that at times he wishes he had a puppy instead of a brother.