thespoof--2020-09-07--LGBTQ Community goes Animal

LGBTQ Community goes Animal

The glamour of Christopher Street parades around the world is a beacon of light in the face of discrimination and exclusion within society .
And friends of the LGBTQ community are now welcoming a host of new members ... so to say .
Having recently added Qs to LGBTs , the LGBTQ alliance is now being enhanced by centaurs and fauns at its gatherings .
The new term , LGBTQ FC , is to be officially announced this November and will invigorate participants even more after Corona .
A Street Day organizer explained : `` Hamish Colt , a Scottish @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Potter films roaming around the Forbidden Forest , contacted us via Rubeus Hagrid to ask if he could describe the plight of centaurs in general .
It 's a tragic story and many are practically braying to come out of the woods .
Hamish and others are sure to make the event more colorful and , being half-man half-horse , will be welcomed with open arms .
We also received messages from centaurs and centauresses who were in Percy Jackson and the Olympians .
They feel uneasy , almost victimized , when people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beach , or simply shopping at the local supermarket .
This has to stop . ''
William Buck , who has starred in several movies as a faun - half-human , half-goat - recalled a trip from Charleston Airport last year , when a gate attendant refused to frisk him for fear of contracting hoof-and-mouth disease .
`` It 's not just invidious , it hurts .
I ca n't help the way I 've been born .
That 's why I 'm thrilled we 're now included in the LGBT FC community @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lesbian , gay , bisexual , transgender , queer , a straight trans woman , a queer trans person , a gay faun or a bisexual centaur , we 're all God 's creatures and , as such , we 're all the same , or just a bit different , or whatever .
And I do so love a parade and dressin ' up ! ''

The glamour of Christopher Street parades around the world is a beacon of light in the face of discrimination and exclusion within society. And friends of the LGBTQ community are now welcoming a host of new members...so to say.
Having recently added Qs to LGBTs, the LGBTQ alliance is now being enhanced by centaurs and fauns at its gatherings. The new term, LGBTQ FC, is to be officially announced this November and will invigorate participants even more after Corona.
A Street Day organizer explained: "Hamish Colt, a Scottish centaur who has played in numerous Harry Potter films roaming around the Forbidden Forest, contacted us via Rubeus Hagrid to ask if he could describe the plight of centaurs in general. It's a tragic story and many are practically braying to come out of the woods. Hamish and others are sure to make the event more colorful and, being half-man half-horse, will be welcomed with open arms. We also received messages from centaurs and centauresses who were in Percy Jackson and the Olympians. They feel uneasy, almost victimized, when people stare at them hanging out at the beach, or simply shopping at the local supermarket. This has to stop."
William Buck, who has starred in several movies as a faun - half-human, half-goat - recalled a trip from Charleston Airport last year, when a gate attendant refused to frisk him for fear of contracting hoof-and-mouth disease. "It's not just invidious, it hurts. I can't help the way I've been born. That's why I'm thrilled we're now included in the LGBT FC community. I mean, whether you're lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, a straight trans woman, a queer trans person, a gay faun or a bisexual centaur, we're all God's creatures and, as such, we're all the same, or just a bit different, or whatever. And I do so love a parade and dressin' up!"
Don't we all...


thespoof--2020-09-07--Biden goes ape to win Presidency

Biden goes ape to win Presidency

Democratic Party candidate for the US Presidency Joe Biden is recovering in hospital presently , after imbibing an unknown liquid @ @ @ @ @ Biden was taking a break from electioneering , when he was given what he believed @ @ @ @ @ .
He started to feel `` off '' when his facial features began to change @ @ @ @ @ in facial hair became evident .
He began to make strange noises like some sort @ @ @ @ @ for the nearest tree to climb .
Finally , he began to squeal , and @ @ @ @ @ his hands .
By this point , Biden had undergone a major body transformation , @ @ @ @ @ intents and purposes , like a chimpanzee .
The 77-year-old was taken to a veterinarian @ @ @ @ @ to be recovering .

Democratic Party candidate for the US Presidency Joe Biden is recovering in hospital presently, after imbibing an unknown liquid from a styrofoam cup.
Biden was taking a break from electioneering, when he was given what he believed was a cup of cocoa. He started to feel "off" when his facial features began to change, and an immediate increase in facial hair became evident. He began to make strange noises like some sort of ape, and started for the nearest tree to climb.
Finally, he began to squeal, and beat his breast with both his hands. By this point, Biden had undergone a major body transformation, and looked, for all intents and purposes, like a chimpanzee.
The 77-year-old was taken to a veterinarian hospital where he is said to be recovering.


thespoof--2020-09-08--Writer struggles to satisfy site's 100-word minimum limit

A writer on an online satirical news website has told of the difficulty he experienced , while writing one of @ @ @ @ @ to satisfy the site 's requirement which stipulates each article must contain at least one @ @ @ @ @ , writing for The Spoof , said that it was n't easy , sometimes .
@ @ @ @ @ but then it is difficult adding meat to the bones of the story .
He @ @ @ @ @ not easy , sometimes .
You have an idea , but then it 's difficult @ @ @ @ @ of the story .
I almost came up short this time , but not quite @ @

A writer on an online satirical news website has told of the difficulty he experienced, while writing one of his stories, of trying to satisfy the site's requirement which stipulates each article must contain at least one hundred words.
The writer, writing for The Spoof, said that it wasn't easy, sometimes. He has an idea, but then it is difficult adding meat to the bones of the story.
He said, "It's not easy, sometimes. You have an idea, but then it's difficult adding meat to the bones of the story. I almost came up short this time, but not quite."


thespoof--2020-09-08--President Trump Says He’s Not a Racist – He’s Just Selective

MAR-A-LAGO , Florida - ( Satire News ) – President Trump took a quick trip down to Mar-a-Lago to get his teeth cleaned , and to see about hiring a new chauffeur .
While there , he was asked about reports that appeared in The Chicago Daily Wind , that said that 84 % of the American people consider him to be a racist .
The President exploded , using several four-letter word expletives , plus the ' N-word ' twice .
He said that he wanted to make it perfectly clear that he is not now , nor has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a Nazi , an atheist , or a KKK member .
POTUS stressed that what he is , is selective , which he said could be considered to be a first cousin to a racist , but it really isn ’ t even a member of the immediate racist family .
Trump was quick to point out that he has a golf caddy who is black .
He thought for a moment and then added , `` Well , actually , he 's half-black . ''
The President noted that LeRoy Prancing Possum @ @ @ @ @ @ @ daddy is a full-blooded Seminole .
DJT then said that he had to leave , because he had a 5:30 am tee-off time at one of his newly-acquired family-owned golf courses , The King Donald Royal Fairway , located just 1.7 miles from Mar-a-Lago .

MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) – President Trump took a quick trip down to Mar-a-Lago to get his teeth cleaned, and to see about hiring a new chauffeur.
While there, he was asked about reports that appeared in The Chicago Daily Wind, that said that 84% of the American people consider him to be a racist.
The President exploded, using several four-letter word expletives, plus the 'N-word' twice.
He said that he wanted to make it perfectly clear that he is not now, nor has he ever been, a racist, a Nazi, an atheist, or a KKK member.
POTUS stressed that what he is, is selective, which he said could be considered to be a first cousin to a racist, but it really isn’t even a member of the immediate racist family.
Trump was quick to point out that he has a golf caddy who is black. He thought for a moment and then added, "Well, actually, he's half-black."
The President noted that LeRoy Prancing Possum's mammy is black, and his daddy is a full-blooded Seminole.
DJT then said that he had to leave, because he had a 5:30 am tee-off time at one of his newly-acquired family-owned golf courses, The King Donald Royal Fairway, located just 1.7 miles from Mar-a-Lago.


thespoof--2020-09-08--Atomic Bomb Used in Gender Reveal Party

Atomic Bomb Used in Gender Reveal Party

DALLAS – Taking the gender reveal party to the next level , a Dallas couple has used an atomic bomb @ @ @ @ @ s sex to the world .
Ted and Heidi Sinkler , first-time parents , released @ @ @ @ @ radiation in their backyard , along with a big blue mushroom cloud to let the @ @ @ @ @ expecting a baby boy .
“ We heard about people using explosives and fireworks for @ @ @ @ @ this is Texas , and we know how to think bigger , ” stated the @ @ @ @ @ be outdone , a San Antonio couple is planning a plague-themed gender reveal , in @ @ @ @ @ will be shown in the color of the resulting buboes .

DALLAS – Taking the gender reveal party to the next level, a Dallas couple has used an atomic bomb to announce their child’s sex to the world.
Ted and Heidi Sinkler, first-time parents, released hundreds of curies worth of radiation in their backyard, along with a big blue mushroom cloud to let the world know that they were expecting a baby boy.
“We heard about people using explosives and fireworks for gender reveal parties, but this is Texas, and we know how to think bigger,” stated the soon-to-be father.
Not to be outdone, a San Antonio couple is planning a plague-themed gender reveal, in which the baby's sex will be shown in the color of the resulting buboes.


thespoof--2020-09-09--Mean Old Man Loses His Voice By Yelling At 'Covid-19 Detourers' To Get Off His Grass

We 've all encountered them -- the nasty , ornery old guys that ca n't stand it when you get anywhere near their front lawn .
And now one man in the suburbs has lost his voice by yelling at so many 'Covid-19 Detourers ' , that he 's been forced to use a megaphone to shout at the intruders to `` Get off my grass ! ''
from his front porch .
Edgar E. Grankley was already at a loss as to why so many of the neighborhood kids walked on his lawn .
`` I just planted new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ look at my lawn ! ''
However , in this pandemic age , things got worse .
Much , much worse , hence the moniker , 'Covid-19 detourers ' , coined by Mr. Grankley .
`` What are those ?
They 're little bastards , that 's what they are ! ''
Grankley replied , when asked to define the term .
He added , `` But I call anyone that walks on my grass a 'Covid-19 Detourer ' , because they 're walking on the sidewalk like a normal ham-and-egger , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ approach them , anyone else , man , woman , child , Commie , they suddenly walk all over my grass to avoid them and not get the Covid-19 cooties , while the other person stays on the sidewalk ! ''
The reasoning escaped Old Man Grankley .
`` Why 're they doing this ?
!
Just keep walking past the other person , and do n't walk all over other people 's lawns !
Just do n't breathe on each other when you 're right beside each other for that half-second !
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Covid-19 yuckies !
Just like you wo n't get another person 's B.O .
or gay urges when you walk by them ! ''
Even as he was explaining his Old People rationale to me , we both observed such an incident take place right before our eyes .
A woman was pushing a baby stroller on the sidewalk in front of Grankley 's home , while someone walking in the opposite direction did , indeed , step off the sidewalk , and trudged across Grankley 's lawn to avoid her .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Old Man Grankley 's gravely voice through his megaphone , making the intruder stop in his tracks .
`` GET OFF MY GRASS , YA STUPID KID ! ''
`` 'Kid ?
! ''
bellowed the intruder .
`` I 'm only 5 years younger than you , Grankley , ya blind git !
I 'm a senior citizen , too , ya dope ! ''
`` YOU 'RE ONLY A JUNIOR SENIOR IN MY BOOKS , BUCKO !
AND STAY OFF MY GRASS , OR I 'LL TALK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT @ @ @ @ @ @ @ And with that , another annoyed 'Covid-19 Detourer ' stomped off , aware of the consequences of walking on someone else 's lawn..

We've all encountered them-- the nasty, ornery old guys that can't stand it when you get anywhere near their front lawn. And now one man in the suburbs has lost his voice by yelling at so many 'Covid-19 Detourers', that he's been forced to use a megaphone to shout at the intruders to "Get off my grass!" from his front porch.
Edgar E. Grankley was already at a loss as to why so many of the neighborhood kids walked on his lawn. "I just planted new grass seed in 2008! And now look at my lawn!"
However, in this pandemic age, things got worse. Much, much worse, hence the moniker, 'Covid-19 detourers', coined by Mr. Grankley.
"What are those? They're little bastards, that's what they are!" Grankley replied, when asked to define the term. He added, "But I call anyone that walks on my grass a 'Covid-19 Detourer', because they're walking on the sidewalk like a normal ham-and-egger, and then, when they see someone else approach them, anyone else, man, woman, child, Commie, they suddenly walk all over my grass to avoid them and not get the Covid-19 cooties, while the other person stays on the sidewalk!"
The reasoning escaped Old Man Grankley. "Why're they doing this?! Just keep walking past the other person, and don't walk all over other people's lawns! Just don't breathe on each other when you're right beside each other for that half-second! That way, you won't get the Covid-19 yuckies! Just like you won't get another person's B.O. or gay urges when you walk by them!"
Even as he was explaining his Old People rationale to me, we both observed such an incident take place right before our eyes. A woman was pushing a baby stroller on the sidewalk in front of Grankley's home, while someone walking in the opposite direction did, indeed, step off the sidewalk, and trudged across Grankley's lawn to avoid her.
"HEY, YOU!" blared Old Man Grankley's gravely voice through his megaphone, making the intruder stop in his tracks. "GET OFF MY GRASS, YA STUPID KID!"
"'Kid?!" bellowed the intruder. "I'm only 5 years younger than you, Grankley, ya blind git! I'm a senior citizen, too, ya dope!"
"YOU'RE ONLY A JUNIOR SENIOR IN MY BOOKS, BUCKO! AND STAY OFF MY GRASS, OR I'LL TALK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT YOUR TRESSPASSING ON MY PROPERTY!"
And with that, another annoyed 'Covid-19 Detourer' stomped off, aware of the consequences of walking on someone else's lawn..


thespoof--2020-09-09--Gwyneth Paltrow Named US Surgeon General

WASHINGTON – Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has long been a proponent of alternative healing , as seen in her online shopping @ @ @ @ @ , she will be able to take her message to a much larger audience , @ @ @ @ @ sworn-in as the US Surgeon General .
“ I am so happy to be able @ @ @ @ @ the entire nation as the new Surgeon General .
I think what this country really @ @ @ @ @ yoga mat , a $ 40 water bottle or a $ 120 diffuser , ” @ @ @ @ @ you act now , I will throw in my special Goop Bundle .
4 essential @ @ @ @ @ price of $ 100 .
If the nation feels bloated , I have a cure @ @ @ @ @ nation needs something to keep their produce in while at the supermarket , I have @ @ @ @ @ tongue , I can hook you up.
” “ And don ’ t forget , @ @ @ @ @ of sex toys .
This is going to be so much fun !
”

WASHINGTON – Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has long been a proponent of alternative healing, as seen in her online shopping website, goo.com. Now, she will be able to take her message to a much larger audience, as she prepares to be sworn-in as the US Surgeon General.
“I am so happy to be able to introduce my products to the entire nation as the new Surgeon General. I think what this country really needs is a $128 yoga mat, a $40 water bottle or a $120 diffuser,” said Paltrow. “If you act now, I will throw in my special Goop Bundle. 4 essential oils that have a retail price of $100. If the nation feels bloated, I have a cure for that. If the nation needs something to keep their produce in while at the supermarket, I have something for that. Dirty tongue, I can hook you up.”
“And don’t forget, I have lots and lots of sex toys. This is going to be so much fun!”


thespoof--2020-09-09--"This Is Donald Trump Calling…"

"This Is Donald Trump Calling…"

Donald Trump is short on cash , and he 's making telephone calls soliciting money for his re-election campaign .
It seems he raised $ 1.1 billion for his campaign , but now he ’ s down to a mere $ 8 million .
There are two more months to go before the election , and $ 8 million is considered chicken feed .
Contributors say : Hey , buddy , what happened to the 1.1 billion dollars we already gave you ?
Well , there was Melania ’ s daily suntan spray , plus the Super Bowl ad competing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , those MAGA hats given away at campaign rallies cost , stuff like that .
“ I may even have to use some of my own money for this campaign , ” Trump whispered .
Desperate , Trump is soliciting contributions using robocalls to SPOOF NEWS writers asking for cash for his campaign .
A SPOOF writer , checking voice mail and hearing his message , remarked : My , that voice sounds familiar .
Then after a replay , “ HOLY COW !
THAT ’ S DONALD TRUMP ASKING MEEEEE FOR MONEY @ @ @ @ @ @ @ NUMBER ?
The message was deleted before the telephone could self-destruct .
( They do say , anything Trump touches , dies . )
Not that SPOOF NEWS writers are bias or anything , but SPOOF NEWS is not anything like FOX News .
This means that Donald Trump is broke .
He ’ s on his way out .
He can ’ t pay the gas bill or Melania ’ s daily suntan spray .
Also out are Mike Pence , William Barr , Jared , Ivanka , Rudy , Betsy , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gang , as well as a pale Melania Trump .
To quote Melania Trump ’ s jacket : I don ’ t care , do you ?
As for Donald Trump : Sorry , you got the wrong number !
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump is short on cash, and he's making telephone calls soliciting money for his re-election campaign. It seems he raised $1.1 billion for his campaign, but now he’s down to a mere $8 million. There are two more months to go before the election, and $8 million is considered chicken feed.
It gets worse.
Contributors say: Hey, buddy, what happened to the 1.1 billion dollars we already gave you?
Well, there was Melania’s daily suntan spray, plus the Super Bowl ad competing with Mike Bloomberg's Super Bowl ad, those MAGA hats given away at campaign rallies cost, stuff like that.
“I may even have to use some of my own money for this campaign,” Trump whispered.
Desperate, Trump is soliciting contributions using robocalls to SPOOF NEWS writers asking for cash for his campaign. A SPOOF writer, checking voice mail and hearing his message, remarked: My, that voice sounds familiar.
Then after a replay, “HOLY COW! THAT’S DONALD TRUMP ASKING MEEEEE FOR MONEY? HOW’D HE GET MY NUMBER?
The message was deleted before the telephone could self-destruct. (They do say, anything Trump touches, dies.)
Not that SPOOF NEWS writers are bias or anything, but SPOOF NEWS is not anything like FOX News.
This means that Donald Trump is broke. He’s on his way out. He can’t pay the gas bill or Melania’s daily suntan spray. Also out are Mike Pence, William Barr, Jared, Ivanka, Rudy, Betsy, Kellyanne, and the rest of the gang, as well as a pale Melania Trump.
To quote Melania Trump’s jacket: I don’t care, do you?
As for Donald Trump: Sorry, you got the wrong number!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-09--Kamala So Nasty Parents Tied A Pork Chop Around Her Neck So Dog Would Play With Her

BILLINGSGATE POST : At a rally in North Carolina this evening , President Trump told his followers that Kamala “ @ @ @ @ @ an “ insult ” as first female president .
Earlier in the day , in @ @ @ @ @ Harris said that she was so poor when she was first starting out as an @ @ @ @ @ that “ she had to sell her spit to a sperm bank in order to @ @ @ @ @ change one ’ s vote ?
Probably not .
Slim : “ There are eight @ @ @ @ @ City .
This has been one of them.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude @ @ @ @ @ , her parents might have tried a ring of baloney .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: At a rally in North Carolina this evening, President Trump told his followers that Kamala “Breath” Harris would be an “insult” as first female president.
Earlier in the day, in an interview on CNN, Harris said that she was so poor when she was first starting out as an attorney in San Francisco, that “she had to sell her spit to a sperm bank in order to survive.”
Would either statement change one’s vote? Probably not.
Slim: “There are eight million stories in the Naked City. This has been one of them.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. At the very least, her parents might have tried a ring of baloney.”


thespoof--2020-09-09--Russian Sleeper Agents Aiding Trump Reelection Campaign: Schiff to Investigate

Adam Schiff announced today that he is launching an investigation to determine the extent to which Russia sleeper agents are interfering with the 2020 elections .
Schiff has learned from ex-FBI director James Comey that the mayors of Portland , Chicago , and Seattle are Russian agents who are allowing the violence in their cities to continue in an effort to assist Trump ’ s reelection effort .
Politics is all about the narrative , and , right now , Trump is surging with his “ law and order ” interpretation of events .
He is blaming Democratic mayors such @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Boy ” Wheeler , Chicago ’ s Lori “ Little Brain ” Lightfoot , or Seattle ’ s “ Summer of Love ” Jenny “ Dumb___ ” Durkan for the ongoing violence .
Trump ’ s narrative might be flawed , however .
Apparently , an ex-CIA informant told a low-level Trump campaign official ( a Mr. Papapapadoulos [ “ Papapapa ” ) about the Russian operatives .
Papapapa passed this on to a Belarusian diplomat who told her boss about her pillow talk with Papapapa .
He told ex-FBI lover boy and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who passed the information onto Comey , who had the law firm Perkins Coie prepare a memo of the events for Schiff .
What is still not understood is why the Russians are backing Trump .
Maybe Trump , like Wheeler , Lightfoot , and Durkin , is a Russian agent ; maybe the Russians figure that four more years of Trump might lead to the landslide election of Bernie Sanders in 2024. Who knows ?
We ’ ll leave it to the dogged Schiff to get to the bottom of things .

Adam Schiff announced today that he is launching an investigation to determine the extent to which Russia sleeper agents are interfering with the 2020 elections. Schiff has learned from ex-FBI director James Comey that the mayors of Portland, Chicago, and Seattle are Russian agents who are allowing the violence in their cities to continue in an effort to assist Trump’s reelection effort.
Politics is all about the narrative, and, right now, Trump is surging with his “law and order” interpretation of events. He is blaming Democratic mayors such as Portland’s Ted “Wussie Boy” Wheeler, Chicago’s Lori “Little Brain” Lightfoot, or Seattle’s “Summer of Love” Jenny “Dumb___” Durkan for the ongoing violence.
Trump’s narrative might be flawed, however. Apparently, an ex-CIA informant told a low-level Trump campaign official (a Mr. Papapapadoulos [“Papapapa”) about the Russian operatives. Papapapa passed this on to a Belarusian diplomat who told her boss about her pillow talk with Papapapa. He told ex-FBI lover boy and counterespionage section chief, Peter Strzok, who passed the information onto Comey, who had the law firm Perkins Coie prepare a memo of the events for Schiff.
What is still not understood is why the Russians are backing Trump. Maybe Trump, like Wheeler, Lightfoot, and Durkin, is a Russian agent; maybe the Russians figure that four more years of Trump might lead to the landslide election of Bernie Sanders in 2024. Who knows? We’ll leave it to the dogged Schiff to get to the bottom of things.


thespoof--2020-09-10--Kanye West Stubbornly Refuses To Drop out of The Presidential Race

BUFFALO NIPPLES , Wyoming – ( Satire News ) - The man who is best known for being the husband @ @ @ @ @ that he feels that he is picking up more and more voters .
Fargo Windmill @ @ @ @ @ asked him why he thought that .
Kanye replied that he has an assistant who @ @ @ @ @ registered voters .
Kanye made a face and replied , “ And my assistant she @ @ @ @ @ lots of dem white folk dey be saying dat dey be boating fuh me.
” @ @ @ @ @ that a Fox News poll shows that , nationwide , he only has 27 voters @ @ @ @ @ , might vote for him .
West the Pest said that the North Pole will @ @ @ @ @ out of the presidential race .
He then added that when he becomes president of @ @ @ @ @ thing he is going to do is to have Fargo Windmill deported back to Nicaragua @ @ @ @ @ I was born in Brooklyn , you turd-headed , bottom-dwelling chump .
”

BUFFALO NIPPLES, Wyoming – (Satire News) - The man who is best known for being the husband of Kim Kardashian told TMZ that he feels that he is picking up more and more voters.
Fargo Windmill with the Political Drive-Thru Window asked him why he thought that.
Kanye replied that he has an assistant who spends all day calling up registered voters.
“And?" Windmill asked.
Kanye made a face and replied, “And my assistant she be telling tuh me dat lots of dem white folk dey be saying dat dey be boating fuh me.”
The PDTW reporter told him that a Fox News poll shows that, nationwide, he only has 27 voters that say that they might, might vote for him.
West the Pest said that the North Pole will completely melt before he drops out of the presidential race.
He then added that when he becomes president of the USA, the first thing he is going to do is to have Fargo Windmill deported back to Nicaragua.
Windmill remarked, “I was born in Brooklyn, you turd-headed, bottom-dwelling chump.”


thespoof--2020-09-10--President Trump Reveals in Michael Cohen’s Book That He Loves To Lie and Actually Enjoys it More Tha

President Trump Reveals in Michael Cohen’s Book That He Loves To Lie and Actually Enjoys it More Than Sex

HICKORY NUTS , North Carolina – ( Satire News ) - The president took his Presidential Hate Campaign to the @ @ @ @ @ World .
After spewing his standard 82 lies per speech , he closed by saying @ @ @ @ @ why the enemy – the Democrats , can not accept the fact that he is @ @ @ @ @ the smartest man in the solar system .
He was asked by a reporter with @ @ @ @ @ attorney/fixer Michael Cohen ’ s claim that he loves to lie more than he loves @ @ @ @ @ .
“ Look , loser , I never lie .
And , truth be told @ @ @ @ @ 59 years on this planet , I have never lied , and I am certainly @ @ @ @ @ now , at the age of 53.
” Michael Cohen 's book is titled , @ @ @ @ @ Trump Better Than Melania , Marla , Ivana , and Stormy All Put Together ” @

HICKORY NUTS, North Carolina – (Satire News) - The president took his Presidential Hate Campaign to the Hickory Nuts Capital of the World.
After spewing his standard 82 lies per speech, he closed by saying that he does not understand why the enemy – the Democrats, cannot accept the fact that he is, without a doubt, the smartest man in the solar system.
He was asked by a reporter with USA Today about his former attorney/fixer Michael Cohen’s claim that he loves to lie more than he loves sex.
Trump started coughing. “Look, loser, I never lie. And, truth be told, in all of my 59 years on this planet, I have never lied, and I am certainly not going to start lying now, at the age of 53.”
Michael Cohen's book is titled, “I Know President Donald Trump Better Than Melania, Marla, Ivana, and Stormy All Put Together”.


thespoof--2020-09-09--Satan to Open a New Circle in Hell for Evangelicals

SHEOL—Sarah Huckabee Sanders , the new Press Secretary for Satan , announced today that the Dark Lord is opening a new circle in Hell , specifically for the overflow of Evangelicals who have been flooding His underworld domain ever since the 2016 election .
Said Sanders : “ We were just packed to the gills with all the sinners already occupyin ’ Hell , and now we have to accommodate , suddenly , millions more servants of His Dark Lord ( Satan , that is , not the President ) , who are doing for Christianity what Tom Cruise has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ looking to expand one of the bottom circles of Hell for all these new recruits , next to the newly-expanded Heresy Circle of Hell we opened up just a few years ago for Republicans who have abandoned their principles for President Trump.
” Borrowing a little from Dante ’ s Inferno ( one of Satan ’ s favorite books ) , the new circle will immerse its occupants in their own vomit ; and they will be required , every time Donald Trump commits fraud , lies , or incites his followers to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ minutes in their own collective puke .
For sustenance while they work so hard at their perdition , they will be allowed to ingest , on a daily basis , the many Tweets that Trump has shit out over the last four years , which , Sanders assured reporters , should be enough to last an eternity .
Additionally , an unnamed source has told The Wall Street Journal that Donald Trump will be opening a new hotel somewhere in Hell , maybe in the posh Circle of Fraud , where the President @ @ @ @ @ @ @ retires .
Satan , himself , could not be reached for comment , as he was meeting with his accountant , who is in the process of tallying up the many sins Donald Trump has committed over the course of his seven decades on earth .

SHEOL—Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the new Press Secretary for Satan, announced today that the Dark Lord is opening a new circle in Hell, specifically for the overflow of Evangelicals who have been flooding His underworld domain ever since the 2016 election.
Said Sanders: “We were just packed to the gills with all the sinners already occupyin’ Hell, and now we have to accommodate, suddenly, millions more servants of His Dark Lord (Satan, that is, not the President), who are doing for Christianity what Tom Cruise has done for Scientology. We’re looking to expand one of the bottom circles of Hell for all these new recruits, next to the newly-expanded Heresy Circle of Hell we opened up just a few years ago for Republicans who have abandoned their principles for President Trump.”
Borrowing a little from Dante’s Inferno (one of Satan’s favorite books), the new circle will immerse its occupants in their own vomit; and they will be required, every time Donald Trump commits fraud, lies, or incites his followers to violence, to dunk themselves for three minutes in their own collective puke. For sustenance while they work so hard at their perdition, they will be allowed to ingest, on a daily basis, the many Tweets that Trump has shit out over the last four years, which, Sanders assured reporters, should be enough to last an eternity.
Additionally, an unnamed source has told The Wall Street Journal that Donald Trump will be opening a new hotel somewhere in Hell, maybe in the posh Circle of Fraud, where the President is expected to reside when he permanently retires.
Satan, himself, could not be reached for comment, as he was meeting with his accountant, who is in the process of tallying up the many sins Donald Trump has committed over the course of his seven decades on earth.


thespoof--2020-09-11--9/11 Passes Off Without Incident For The Nineteenth Year In Succession

It 's been nineteen years now since 11 September 2001 , the day of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks , and , for the nineteenth year in succession since then , absolutely nothing of a similar nature took place .
Today , Ground Zero , as it became known after the atrocity , was quiet .
It had been thought that those groups associated with the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers might try it on again , so to speak , to strike at the heart of America 's financial sector , and to sow the seeds of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ citizens , but this proved without foundation .
Instead , those ordinary citizens , who regard themselves as 'opponents ' of the conflicts abroad which the White House authorizes , but who , by doing nothing about them , are , through their inactivity , actually giving the green light to destabilization , destruction , and death on a massive scale , went about their daily business untroubled .
No planes crashed into buildings which then did n't collapse , no car bombs went off killing dozens of citizens shopping for fruit , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and there were no strategic air strikes with their almost-inevitable tendency to hit built-up civilan areas instead of their intended targets .
There were not even any mass kidnappings and subsequent beheadings .
Indeed , it was remarkably quiet for a September the 11th .

It's been nineteen years now since 11 September 2001, the day of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks, and, for the nineteenth year in succession since then, absolutely nothing of a similar nature took place.
Today, Ground Zero, as it became known after the atrocity, was quiet.
It had been thought that those groups associated with the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers might try it on again, so to speak, to strike at the heart of America's financial sector, and to sow the seeds of fear into the minds of ordinary US citizens, but this proved without foundation.
Instead, those ordinary citizens, who regard themselves as 'opponents' of the conflicts abroad which the White House authorizes, but who, by doing nothing about them, are, through their inactivity, actually giving the green light to destabilization, destruction, and death on a massive scale, went about their daily business untroubled.
No planes crashed into buildings which then didn't collapse, no car bombs went off killing dozens of citizens shopping for fruit, vegetables, and rice in the market, and there were no strategic air strikes with their almost-inevitable tendency to hit built-up civilan areas instead of their intended targets.
There were not even any mass kidnappings and subsequent beheadings.
Indeed, it was remarkably quiet for a September the 11th.


thespoof--2020-09-11--Panic In Times Square As Car Door Slams, And Balloon Bursts

NYPD officers were called to an incident in New York 's Times Square this morning , after a man rather unnecessarily slammed a taxi cab door , and a child 's balloon burst nearby .
People all around dived for cover , hitting the ground , running into shops , and hiding behind cars , as they sought to escape from the terrorist explosion they had conjured in their minds .
This was the 19th anniversary of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks , and people were still on edge .
One woman who was in Lower Manhattan was 'Janet @ @ @ @ @ @ @ refused to give her surname to avoid identification by any terrorists that may have been lurming in the vicinity .
`` I was in two minds about whether to come into town today , but you have to take a stand against terrorism , so I braved it . ''
'Brian ' - not his real name - felt the same .
He said : '' I work in this area , so I do n't have much of a choice , but let me tell you , there has n't been a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ when I have n't been scared to death for my life , thinking that I 'm going to be yet another victim of bloodthirsty terrorists , who would n't think twice about cutting my head off . ''
After dozens of NYPD officers arrested the man who slammed the car door , and surrounded the crying toddler in his pushchair , order was restored , and heartbeats returned to normal .

NYPD officers were called to an incident in New York's Times Square this morning, after a man rather unnecessarily slammed a taxi cab door, and a child's balloon burst nearby.
People all around dived for cover, hitting the ground, running into shops, and hiding behind cars, as they sought to escape from the terrorist explosion they had conjured in their minds.
This was the 19th anniversary of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks, and people were still on edge.
One woman who was in Lower Manhattan was 'Janet', who shielded her face and refused to give her surname to avoid identification by any terrorists that may have been lurming in the vicinity.
She said:
"I was in two minds about whether to come into town today, but you have to take a stand against terrorism, so I braved it."
'Brian' - not his real name - felt the same. He said:
"I work in this area, so I don't have much of a choice, but let me tell you, there hasn't been a single morning during the last nineteen years when I haven't been scared to death for my life, thinking that I'm going to be yet another victim of bloodthirsty terrorists, who wouldn't think twice about cutting my head off."
After dozens of NYPD officers arrested the man who slammed the car door, and surrounded the crying toddler in his pushchair, order was restored, and heartbeats returned to normal.


thespoof--2020-09-11--The Lincoln Project Says President Trump is Misappropriating Taxpayers Money Like Crazy

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – There is no anti-Trump group that the Electoral College president hates more than the Lincoln Project .
For one thing , every member is a Republican ; and a Republican who knows that Donnie boy has about as much business being the president of the United States , as Trump ’ s tremendously overweight personal attorney Bill “ The Blob ” Barr has of gaining another 5 pounds .
The Detroit Daily Divulger quipped that if “ Fat Billy ” gains anymore weight , he will certainly qualify to be a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ which was co-founded by George “ The Stud ” Conway , said that the America taxpayers are paying $ 7.8 million for Trump ’ s clothes allowance , $ 5.2 million for his food allowance , $ 1.3 million for his hairspray allowance , and $ 14.9 million for the red MAGA caps that he passes out at his presidential hate campaign pep rallies .
George Conway said that Trump is misappropriating taxpayers money like crazy .
Trump replied that he is the president , and he can spend as much damn money @ @ @ @ @ @ @ added that anyone who doesn ’ t like it can move to Puerto Rico , the South Pole ; or to Swampalina , Louisiana .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – There is no anti-Trump group that the Electoral College president hates more than the Lincoln Project.
For one thing, every member is a Republican; and a Republican who knows that Donnie boy has about as much business being the president of the United States, as Trump’s tremendously overweight personal attorney Bill “The Blob” Barr has of gaining another 5 pounds.
The Detroit Daily Divulger quipped that if “Fat Billy” gains anymore weight, he will certainly qualify to be a sumo wrestler.
The Lincoln Project, which was co-founded by George “The Stud” Conway, said that the America taxpayers are paying $7.8 million for Trump’s clothes allowance, $5.2 million for his food allowance, $1.3 million for his hairspray allowance, and $14.9 million for the red MAGA caps that he passes out at his presidential hate campaign pep rallies.
George Conway said that Trump is misappropriating taxpayers money like crazy.
Trump replied that he is the president, and he can spend as much damn money on himself as he wants.
He added that anyone who doesn’t like it can move to Puerto Rico, the South Pole; or to Swampalina, Louisiana.


thespoof--2020-09-11--Bob Woodward Is President Of The United States

Who knew ?
All this time , Bob Woodward , author of All the President ’ s Men , was President of the United States !
Donald Trump said , “ If I really , really told Bob Woodward coronavirus was serious , why didn ’ t HE make that announcement ?
Why did HE keep it under wraps for six months until HE published a book ?
” Stirred from a nap , and hearing Trump ’ s Shakesperian defense and accusation , Woodward was heard yelling by passers-by , “ Because I ’ m not President of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ While the world thought Donald Trump would announce his resignation at the unscheduled press-conference , hopes were soon dashed .
Instead , Trump came out and dragged on and on about how well he was running the country and what a lousy job the last guy did .
People in the US were all getting better and better .
The death rate wasn ’ t as bad as in India .
Blue states ?
Not so good , but so what ?
Oh yes , Joe Biden is a bumbling idiot , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ China .
His excuse for not cautioning people about coronavirus was he didn ’ t want to start a panic .
Someone says , “ HI , ” to you , you ’ re dead in four weeks .
Two , if you ’ re lucky .
But if Joe Biden wins the White , White , White House , you can bet , ( you simple-minded suburban women ) your neighborhoods are going to be invaded by black , brown , tan , beige , red , and tattooed gangs on motorcycles @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to break out before dessert .
You 'll need more than pots and pans , you ’ re going to need guns , smoke bombs , rubber bullets , tear gas… Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Who knew? All this time, Bob Woodward, author of All the President’s Men, was President of the United States!
Donald Trump said, “If I really, really told Bob Woodward coronavirus was serious, why didn’t HE make that announcement? Why did HE keep it under wraps for six months until HE published a book?”
Huh? Huh? Gotcha! Ya bunch of yellow-bellied, thumb-sucking, fake news, no-good, sissy, hacks!
Stirred from a nap, and hearing Trump’s Shakesperian defense and accusation, Woodward was heard yelling by passers-by, “Because I’m not President of the United States, you wood-chuck!”
While the world thought Donald Trump would announce his resignation at the unscheduled press-conference, hopes were soon dashed.
Instead, Trump came out and dragged on and on about how well he was running the country and what a lousy job the last guy did. People in the US were all getting better and better. The death rate wasn’t as bad as in India. Blue states? Not so good, but so what? Oh yes, Joe Biden is a bumbling idiot, and his son is selling American companies to China.
His excuse for not cautioning people about coronavirus was he didn’t want to start a panic. Someone says, “HI,” to you, you’re dead in four weeks. Two, if you’re lucky.
But if Joe Biden wins the White, White, White House, you can bet, (you simple-minded suburban women) your neighborhoods are going to be invaded by black, brown, tan, beige, red, and tattooed gangs on motorcycles, and all hell’s going to break out before dessert. You'll need more than pots and pans, you’re going to need guns, smoke bombs, rubber bullets, tear gas…
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-12--Trump Virus Infects Entire White House

Trump Virus Infects Entire White House

Washington , DC - Everybody at the White House has it .
The entire Republican Party , too .
Currently , so does forty-three percent of the United States .
It is the disease known as the `` Trump Virus '' .
President Trump wo n't speak of it .
He deflects , calls it the Chinese Virus , or the Wuhan Flu , but the majority of Americans know better .
`` The Trump Virus can infect everyone but children , '' reports Dr. Anthony Fauci .
`` It 's that false belief that Donald Trump is actually getting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ virus causing the pandemic has faded away .
It 's the belief that Donald Trump was telling us the truth , that he did n't want to scare us , when he called Covid-19 a 'Democratic sham ' .
It 's the uncanny ability to believe anything Donald Trump says . ''
Testing is performed through nationwide polls .
Texas , the Dakotas , and the Deep South have been hit hard , as well as nearly half the population in most `` swing states '' .
But states along the east and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ along with most city populations .
Statistically , older men and white men without a college degree , and Evangelicals , are particularly vulnerable .
`` Beware of the Trump Virus , '' tweeted Dr. Fauci .
`` It can kill us all . ''
For questions , contact Mike_Peril @ aol.com .
The author greatly acknowledges the contributions of fellow reporter Bob Woodward .

Washington, DC - Everybody at the White House has it. The entire Republican Party, too. Currently, so does forty-three percent of the United States. It is the disease known as the "Trump Virus".
President Trump won't speak of it. He deflects, calls it the Chinese Virus, or the Wuhan Flu, but the majority of Americans know better.
"The Trump Virus can infect everyone but children," reports Dr. Anthony Fauci. "It's that false belief that Donald Trump is actually getting the Nobel Prize, or that the virus causing the pandemic has faded away. It's the belief that Donald Trump was telling us the truth, that he didn't want to scare us, when he called Covid-19 a 'Democratic sham'. It's the uncanny ability to believe anything Donald Trump says."
Testing is performed through nationwide polls. Texas, the Dakotas, and the Deep South have been hit hard, as well as nearly half the population in most "swing states". But states along the east and west coasts have largely been spared, along with most city populations. Statistically, older men and white men without a college degree, and Evangelicals, are particularly vulnerable.
"Beware of the Trump Virus," tweeted Dr. Fauci. "It can kill us all."
For questions, contact Mike_Peril@aol.com. The author greatly acknowledges the contributions of fellow reporter Bob Woodward.


thespoof--2020-09-12--Oregon wildfire smoke making it difficult for everyone to see his sick gains, complains Hexxus

( Oregon ) -Hexxus , toxic apparition and avatar of the forces of Destruction , was last seen on a fiery ridge in the Oregon Cascades complaining about how no one was able to see his sick gains because of poor visibility .
“ You know it takes a lot of effort to go from something the plumber pulls out of your shower drain to this !
” he said , as he flexed his ethereal smokey biceps to a terrified lost hiker , who managed to relay us his words .
“ I 've been really dedicated to hoovering @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for a young , sentient death cloud to focus on natural , organic toxins , before moving on to more complex hydrocarbon waste created by burning homes , cars and businesses.
” The hiker , fearing for her corporeal form , asked the god of death and pollution about what his biggest struggle had been so far , in order to gain the fiend 's favor .
“ The hardest thing ?
Oh , definitely my legs.
” He then allowed his shapely legs to materialize underneath his floating form .
“ When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ easy to forget about them .
I mean , every once in a while it 's got to be LEG day , not just LOG day , am I right ?
” Our hiker says they laughed nervously and was soon coughing uncontrollably which Hexxus appeared to have interpreted as having “ nailed it ” .
It was at this point in the hiker 's testimony that Hexxus let out a mighty belch that lit a nearby ridge on fire .
“ Man , that was easy .
This place is a tinderbox @ @

(Oregon)-Hexxus, toxic apparition and avatar of the forces of Destruction, was last seen on a fiery ridge in the Oregon Cascades complaining about how no one was able to see his sick gains because of poor visibility.
“You know it takes a lot of effort to go from something the plumber pulls out of your shower drain to this!” he said, as he flexed his ethereal smokey biceps to a terrified lost hiker, who managed to relay us his words. “I've been really dedicated to hoovering up this smoke. It's important for a young, sentient death cloud to focus on natural, organic toxins, before moving on to more complex hydrocarbon waste created by burning homes, cars and businesses.”
The hiker, fearing for her corporeal form, asked the god of death and pollution about what his biggest struggle had been so far, in order to gain the fiend's favor. “The hardest thing? Oh, definitely my legs.” He then allowed his shapely legs to materialize underneath his floating form. “When you can do THAT, it's easy to forget about them. I mean, every once in a while it's got to be LEG day, not just LOG day, am I right?” Our hiker says they laughed nervously and was soon coughing uncontrollably which Hexxus appeared to have interpreted as having “nailed it”.
It was at this point in the hiker's testimony that Hexxus let out a mighty belch that lit a nearby ridge on fire. “Man, that was easy. This place is a tinderbox.”


thespoof--2020-09-11--Trump People Misspell NOBEL Again

Trump People Misspell NOBEL Again

Woops , the Trump people did it again !
They misspelled Nobel .
When you make a silly mistake , you ’ re supposed to learn , grow , and never make it again .
It 's sort of like , Fool me once , shame on you .
Fool me twice , shame on me .
Amen !
Several months ago , Ivanka Trump misspelled Nobel about the venerated prize she felt her father deserved .
Wharton doesn ’ t teach things like homonyms .
Fast forward to today .
Donald Trump was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize @ @ @ @ @ @ @ good people .
The Trump campaign committee decided to promote his nomination for the prize in campaign literature and misspelled Nobel .
Again .
The campaign spelled the prize , Noble .
Correct spelling for an outstanding person , but not the correct spelling for the dynamite family who created the award .
The family name is spelled NOBEL .
Certainly , someone in the Trump campaign committee must have heard about Ivanka ’ s previous error .
“ Okay , don ’ t do an Ivanka .
Spell Nobel correctly.
” Mistake @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it was okay.
” No wonder coronavirus has taken over the country .
And then there are the fires burning on the west coast of the United States .
Taxpayers pay billions for a Defense Department .
Where is the defense against a forest fire ?
Maybe the US Air Force could water bomb the fires ?
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Woops, the Trump people did it again! They misspelled Nobel. When you make a silly mistake, you’re supposed to learn, grow, and never make it again. It's sort of like, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Amen!
Several months ago, Ivanka Trump misspelled Nobel about the venerated prize she felt her father deserved. Wharton doesn’t teach things like homonyms.
Fast forward to today. Donald Trump was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by somebody, despite saying Nazis were good people.
The Trump campaign committee decided to promote his nomination for the prize in campaign literature and misspelled Nobel. Again.
The campaign spelled the prize, Noble. Correct spelling for an outstanding person, but not the correct spelling for the dynamite family who created the award. The family name is spelled NOBEL.
Certainly, someone in the Trump campaign committee must have heard about Ivanka’s previous error. “Okay, don’t do an Ivanka. Spell Nobel correctly.”
Mistake makes headlines. “But spellcheck said it was okay.”
“You’re fired!”
No wonder coronavirus has taken over the country.
And then there are the fires burning on the west coast of the United States. Taxpayers pay billions for a Defense Department. Where is the defense against a forest fire?
Maybe the US Air Force could water bomb the fires?
A noble suggestion.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-12--Kaitlyn Jenner in world first procedure

Kaitlyn Jenner in world first procedure

Once the head of the Kardashian family , the former Bruce Jenner , Kaitlyn Jenner , expressed her boredom with @ @ @ @ @ So , in order to shake her life into something more substantial , Kaitlyn has @ @ @ @ @ a four-legged animal , possibly a panther .
She will , thus , become the @ @ @ @ @ on the planet .
Kaitlyn hopes , by undergoing this unusual procedure , that many @ @ @ @ @ a light in the dark , and consider the positive aspects of becoming a dog @ @ @ @ @ an elephant .
Jenner said she will start the procedure in the next few weeks @ @ @ @ @ Cat and using kitty litter .

Once the head of the Kardashian family, the former Bruce Jenner, Kaitlyn Jenner, expressed her boredom with life as a woman. So, in order to shake her life into something more substantial, Kaitlyn has announced she will transition to a four-legged animal, possibly a panther. She will, thus, become the first human to do so on the planet.
Kaitlyn hopes, by undergoing this unusual procedure, that many other transgender types can see a light in the dark, and consider the positive aspects of becoming a dog or cat, or even an elephant.
Jenner said she will start the procedure in the next few weeks by eating cans of Tom Cat and using kitty litter.


thespoof--2020-09-12--President Trump Plans to Give One of His Campaign Offices a Stimulus Check to Keep it From Having to

President Trump Plans to Give One of His Campaign Offices a Stimulus Check to Keep it From Having to Close

KLANVILLE , Alabama – ( Satire News ) - Reuters is reporting that President Trump has just learned that the @ @ @ @ @ may have to close .
The office manager , Titus `` Cornbread '' Bofeedus , @ @ @ @ @ him he needed a stimulus package to keep from having to close the operation down @ @ @ @ @ him how much money he needed .
Bofeedus answered , “ Oh , I put @ @ @ @ @ , Prez Trump , and I reckon dat I be needin ’ at least $ @ @ @ @ @ him that he would have his assistant Mike Pence personally deliver the check for $ @ @ @ @ @ Trump was told by ABC News that the Klanville office only has one employee , @ @ @ @ @ is a devoted Trumpian , and he will be rewarded , and that ’ s @ @

KLANVILLE, Alabama – (Satire News) - Reuters is reporting that President Trump has just learned that the GOP campaign office in Klanville may have to close.
The office manager, Titus "Cornbread" Bofeedus, texted the president and told him he needed a stimulus package to keep from having to close the operation down permanently.
Trump reportedly asked him how much money he needed.
Bofeedus answered, “Oh, I put da pencil ta da paper, Prez Trump, and I reckon dat I be needin’ at least $2.7 million.”
POTUS told him that he would have his assistant Mike Pence personally deliver the check for $2.7 million.
When President Trump was told by ABC News that the Klanville office only has one employee, he said that the man is a devoted Trumpian, and he will be rewarded, and that’s that.


thespoof--2020-09-12--The Ku Klux Klan Says That, Thanks to President Trump, Membership is Up by 93%

COTTON BALLS , Georgia – ( Satire News ) – Ku Klux Klan Illustrated magazine is reporting that their membership has gone up by 93 % just in the past six months .
KKK spokesperson Roy Dell “ Bubba ” Griddle told KKKI that , thanks to all of the hate-spewing rhetoric that President Trump has been tossing around , their membership has gone through the trailer roof .
He noted that , in previous years , they actually had to hold membership drives , but now people are calling , begging to be sent membership application forms .
Griddle @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from both Carolinas , Alabama , Mississippi , and the Boston area .
When Trump heard about it , he remarked , “ Well , I have heard that the 'Triple K ' is a good , wholesome organization , which has lots of good people who only want to see America turn a little more white than it already is.
” POTUS was asked by CNN ’ s Anderson Cooper if he supported this extremely , extreme , far-right hate group .
The “ Divider-in-Chief ” replied that he has never heard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just a hoax , which is being perpetuated by that evil Ann Coulter woman .

COTTON BALLS, Georgia – (Satire News) – Ku Klux Klan Illustrated magazine is reporting that their membership has gone up by 93% just in the past six months.
KKK spokesperson Roy Dell “Bubba” Griddle told KKKI that, thanks to all of the hate-spewing rhetoric that President Trump has been tossing around, their membership has gone through the trailer roof.
He noted that, in previous years, they actually had to hold membership drives, but now people are calling, begging to be sent membership application forms.
Griddle said that most of the queries are from both Carolinas, Alabama, Mississippi, and the Boston area.
When Trump heard about it, he remarked, “Well, I have heard that the 'Triple K' is a good, wholesome organization, which has lots of good people who only want to see America turn a little more white than it already is.”
POTUS was asked by CNN’s Anderson Cooper if he supported this extremely, extreme, far-right hate group.
The “Divider-in-Chief” replied that he has never heard of it, and its existence is just a hoax, which is being perpetuated by that evil Ann Coulter woman.


thespoof--2020-09-13--Weather now almost as popular as Donald Trump

A weather whistleblower has said that supposedly funny news stories about the weather are now almost as popular as other supposedly funny stories about the US president , Donald Trump .
The claim was made by a contributor to the satirical news website , The Spoof .
President Trump still commands the vast majority of attention on the site , with 15 out of every 20 stories published being written about him , his wife , children , staff , political opponents , or women with whom he has had extra-marital affairs .
The weather comes a close second , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ President Trump accounts for more than 83 % of all news stories written .
The Coronavirus comes in second , with 71 % , followed by the weather , in third , with 42 % .
The Coronavirus has spread to every country on the planet , but appears to have less success in places where the climate is hottest , and is more virulent in those countries that are colder .
Stories about the Manchester United and England footballer Harry Maguire have become less popular since his arrest in Mykonos , where @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
President Trump 's favorite weather , especially on the golf course , is bright and sunny , with a fresh , light breeze .

A weather whistleblower has said that supposedly funny news stories about the weather are now almost as popular as other supposedly funny stories about the US president, Donald Trump.
The claim was made by a contributor to the satirical news website, The Spoof.
President Trump still commands the vast majority of attention on the site, with 15 out of every 20 stories published being written about him, his wife, children, staff, political opponents, or women with whom he has had extra-marital affairs.
The weather comes a close second, however.
In a worldwide sense, President Trump accounts for more than 83% of all news stories written. The Coronavirus comes in second, with 71%, followed by the weather, in third, with 42%.
The Coronavirus has spread to every country on the planet, but appears to have less success in places where the climate is hottest, and is more virulent in those countries that are colder.
Stories about the Manchester United and England footballer Harry Maguire have become less popular since his arrest in Mykonos, where the weather was splendid, every day.
Maguire confirmed the weather was sweltering.
President Trump's favorite weather, especially on the golf course, is bright and sunny, with a fresh, light breeze.


thespoof--2020-09-13--President Trump Names Himself The New Director of The Electoral College

ROULETTE RIVER , Nevada – ( Satire News ) - The president headed west to hold another in his series @ @ @ @ @ Hate Pep Rallies .
He was cheered on by a throng of over 87 people @ @ @ @ @ came out of his mouth ; especially the words hoax , Ivanka , and hamburgers @ @ @ @ @ he was asked by a reporter with the Las Vegas Citizen-Review if he was worried @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump smiled like the Canadian cat that swallowed the Costa Rican canary .
He @ @ @ @ @ his orange hairs that had fallen out of place , and said that he was @ @ @ @ @ worried about losing .
When asked how he could be so sure , he said @ @ @ @ @ beats him by 14 million popular votes , he will still win because of the @ @ @ @ @ then added that , just to make sure that he doesn ’ t lose , @ @ @ @ @ to be the director of the Electoral College .

ROULETTE RIVER, Nevada – (Satire News) - The president headed west to hold another in his series of Presidential GOP Mask-less Campaign Hate Pep Rallies.
He was cheered on by a throng of over 87 people who cheered every word that came out of his mouth; especially the words hoax, Ivanka, and hamburgers.
After the event, he was asked by a reporter with the Las Vegas Citizen-Review if he was worried about possibly losing the election.
Trump smiled like the Canadian cat that swallowed the Costa Rican canary.
He dabbed at a couple of his orange hairs that had fallen out of place, and said that he was not in the least bit worried about losing.
When asked how he could be so sure, he said because even if Joe Biden beats him by 14 million popular votes, he will still win because of the Electoral College vote.
He then added that, just to make sure that he doesn’t lose, he has just named himself to be the director of the Electoral College.


thespoof--2020-09-12--Is Donald Trump Using Performance Enhancing Drugs?

Donald Trump is in trouble , and he needs a distraction .
First stop , a projection .
Change the subject .
Look over there .
He was supposed to make it big time with Bob Woodward , through his confessions about coronavirus .
Woodward is the Washington Post , All The President ’ s Men , JFK , the D.C. establishment , Ben Bradlee , Deep Throat , Katharine Graham , the intellectuals , Georgetown .
An interview with Woodward was a big ego trip .
If they could see me now ... Look at me , Be Best @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the D.C. club .
So Trump confessed to Robert Woodward that he knew coronavirus was an air-born deadly virus way back in January .
Lied , saying it was a hoax .
Didn ’ t even suggest wearing a mask that could have saved thousands and thousands of lives .
Trump wanted to protect the economy for his friends and didn ’ t want to see it go down the toilet .
( He probably used a worse analogy , but this is THE SPOOF . )
Unlike Kim Jong Un or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the business of keeping secrets .
He is n't your Great Aunt Polly .
He is a writer .
Woodward wrote what Trump confessed .
So Trump needs a distraction and the first stop is a projection .
Trump accused Joe Biden of using performance-enhancing drugs .
This probably means Donald Trump is using some kind of performance-enhancing drugs .
If so , he should ask for his money back .
There ’ s no performance or enhancement there .
Trump looks half asleep , swinging from one side of the podium @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the teleprompter , slurring his words .
It is what it is .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump is in trouble, and he needs a distraction. First stop, a projection. Change the subject. Look over there. He was supposed to make it big time with Bob Woodward, through his confessions about coronavirus.
Woodward is the Washington Post, All The President’s Men, JFK, the D.C. establishment, Ben Bradlee, Deep Throat, Katharine Graham, the intellectuals, Georgetown. An interview with Woodward was a big ego trip.
If they could see me now... Look at me, Be Best, I’m going to be in the D.C. club.
So Trump confessed to Robert Woodward that he knew coronavirus was an air-born deadly virus way back in January. Lied, saying it was a hoax. Didn’t even suggest wearing a mask that could have saved thousands and thousands of lives.
Trump wanted to protect the economy for his friends and didn’t want to see it go down the toilet. (He probably used a worse analogy, but this is THE SPOOF.)
Unlike Kim Jong Un or Vladimir Putin, Robert Woodward is not in the business of keeping secrets. He isn't your Great Aunt Polly. He is a writer. Woodward wrote what Trump confessed.
So Trump needs a distraction and the first stop is a projection.
Trump accused Joe Biden of using performance-enhancing drugs. This probably means Donald Trump is using some kind of performance-enhancing drugs. If so, he should ask for his money back. There’s no performance or enhancement there. Trump looks half asleep, swinging from one side of the podium to the other, squinting to read the teleprompter, slurring his words.
It is what it is.
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thespoof--2020-09-14--Senate Republicans Racing To Trump’s Defense

Senate Republicans are rolling out of bed , instantly defending Trump ’ s failed actions on the coronavirus pandemic .
Yes , Trump played golf .
Yes , Trump watches a lot of television .
So he said coronavirus was like a bad cold , and that it would go away like a miracle .
What was he supposed to do , scream , “ Doomsday !
We ’ re all going to die !
” ?
Now that Robert Woodward ’ s book , RAGE , has been presented to the public , Trump and his cronies are back-pedaling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ incompetence .
“ It doesn ’ t bother me , ” said Senator Kevin Cramer of North Dakota .
“ I don ’ t feel like he was ever lying to anybody .
He ’ s a hopeful , upbeat , positive person.
” There are 16,000 people sick from the virus in North Dakota , and 173 have died , but Senator Cramer is still defending Trump ’ s incompetence .
Or saying , Trump ’ s okay with me .
The guy is hopeful , upbeat , a positive person .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump is siphoning or taking money from the 9/11 Fireman ’ s Health Fund to build a useless wall on the Mexican border ?
Where ’ s the hope , upbeat , positive , and optimistic person there ?
Kevin Cramer , the North Dakota Republican Senator , then added , “ The gravity of it , when it became clearer , was also reflected by him.
” Spin , confuse , dance , skip , hop , distract , pontificate .
Blame Obama .
Don ’ t forget to add : It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were in charge .
The Republicans are doing their collective best to put lipstick on this pig , but Woodward has tapes , and more than 200,000 have died .
All Trump had to do was say , “ Wear a mask.
” Failure to do so is not an example of optimism .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Senate Republicans are rolling out of bed, instantly defending Trump’s failed actions on the coronavirus pandemic. Yes, Trump played golf. Yes, Trump watches a lot of television. So he said coronavirus was like a bad cold, and that it would go away like a miracle. What was he supposed to do, scream, “Doomsday! We’re all going to die!”?
Now that Robert Woodward’s book, RAGE, has been presented to the public, Trump and his cronies are back-pedaling, playing defense for Trump’s incompetence.
“It doesn’t bother me,” said Senator Kevin Cramer of North Dakota. “I don’t feel like he was ever lying to anybody. He’s a hopeful, upbeat, positive person.”
There are 16,000 people sick from the virus in North Dakota, and 173 have died, but Senator Cramer is still defending Trump’s incompetence. Or saying, Trump’s okay with me. The guy is hopeful, upbeat, a positive person. Deep. Optimistic.
Is that why Trump is siphoning or taking money from the 9/11 Fireman’s Health Fund to build a useless wall on the Mexican border? Where’s the hope, upbeat, positive, and optimistic person there?
Kevin Cramer, the North Dakota Republican Senator, then added, “The gravity of it, when it became clearer, was also reflected by him.”
Huh? Whatever that means!
Spin, confuse, dance, skip, hop, distract, pontificate. Blame Obama. Don’t forget to add: It would have been worse if Joe Biden were in charge.
The Republicans are doing their collective best to put lipstick on this pig, but Woodward has tapes, and more than 200,000 have died.
All Trump had to do was say, “Wear a mask.”
Failure to do so is not an example of optimism.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-15--Parents Who Thought Their Son Had A Unique Name Disappointed To Find Out They Were Wrong

A couple who believed they had given their baby son a name that was unique throughout the entire world , have spoken about the disappointment they experienced when they found out they were wrong .
Brian and Jackie Smith , from Kansas , already had a daughter named Sarah , when Jackie was told by her doctor she was pregnant again .
When her scan revealed it was going to be a little boy , the Smiths got busy thinking of a memorable name for him .
Being Kansas City Chiefs fans , Brian suggested it would be a novel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Super Bowl-winning team that beat the San Francisco 49ers back in February , and , when the lad was born , that 's precisely what they did .
The big moment finally arrived on 31 August - a Monday night - and the screaming tot was immediately dubbed Patrick Mahomes Thompson Kelce Williams Hill Bell Watkins Sorenson Breeland Nnadi Ward Mathieu Hitchens Wilson Fuller Ragland Saunders Clark Kpassagnon Pringle Fenton Niemann Suggs Jones Pennel O'Daniel Butker Colquitt Hardman Smith by his proud mom and dad .
Once the initial excitement was over , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ decided to post a photo of their new addition on Facebook , along with details of his long and unique moniker .
It was that disaster struck .
Within 20 minutes , five other people from the Kansas area , all with the same surname , had said that they , too , had babies with the same name !
Indeed , since the Super Bowl , this was the single most popular boys name in Kansas , according to local birth records .
`` As you can probably imagine , we were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ special , but it turns out he is n't . ''
Asked what she was going to call her son for short , a glum-looking Jackie said :

A couple who believed they had given their baby son a name that was unique throughout the entire world, have spoken about the disappointment they experienced when they found out they were wrong.
Brian and Jackie Smith, from Kansas, already had a daughter named Sarah, when Jackie was told by her doctor she was pregnant again. When her scan revealed it was going to be a little boy, the Smiths got busy thinking of a memorable name for him.
Being Kansas City Chiefs fans, Brian suggested it would be a novel idea to name their son after the Super Bowl-winning team that beat the San Francisco 49ers back in February, and, when the lad was born, that's precisely what they did.
The big moment finally arrived on 31 August - a Monday night - and the screaming tot was immediately dubbed Patrick Mahomes Thompson Kelce Williams Hill Bell Watkins Sorenson Breeland Nnadi Ward Mathieu Hitchens Wilson Fuller Ragland Saunders Clark Kpassagnon Pringle Fenton Niemann Suggs Jones Pennel O'Daniel Butker Colquitt Hardman Smith by his proud mom and dad.
Once the initial excitement was over, and they were back home, Jackie decided to post a photo of their new addition on Facebook, along with details of his long and unique moniker.
It was then that disaster struck.
Within 20 minutes, five other people from the Kansas area, all with the same surname, had said that they, too, had babies with the same name!
Indeed, since the Super Bowl, this was the single most popular boys name in Kansas, according to local birth records.
Brian said:
"As you can probably imagine, we were disappointed. We thought he would be special, but it turns out he isn't."
Asked what she was going to call her son for short, a glum-looking Jackie said:
"Pat."


thespoof--2020-09-15--Trump’s Coronavirus Vaccine Is Coming, Uh Huh, Like His Tax Returns

As a win-win tactic to cover up his failure at warning Americans back in January about the coronavirus , Donald Trump today announced that a vaccine would be ready as soon as election day , November 3 , 2020 .
Maybe even sooner .
Voters are supposed to be gullible enough to say , “ Gosh , me oh my , Trump isn ’ t a layabout , do-nothing , TV couch potato , after all , a vaccine is on its way .
And just before election day on November 3 , 2020 .
Wait , just a minute @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , maybe ?
Did n't Trump say the same thing , or make a similar promise about his tax returns during the 2016 election ?
Tax returns gon na be released before the election .
Then they ’ re being audited .
“ It ’ s very complex .
I ’ m so rich and have so many investments.
” But , after the election , what happened ?
Donald Trump has been fighting tooth-and-nail , preventing the release of his tax returns .
He ’ s even gone to the Supreme Court @ @ @ @ @ @ @ allow him to keep his tax returns private .
If he lied about his tax returns being audited , could he also be lying about an imaginary coronavirus vaccine by election day ?
Dr. Fauci announced that no way could a vaccine be ready for distribution before election day .
It just plain ai n't going to happen .
( Fauci did not use the word ai n't . )
The United Nations and the Hague plan to step in today , ordering the US and the rest of the world to wear @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

As a win-win tactic to cover up his failure at warning Americans back in January about the coronavirus, Donald Trump today announced that a vaccine would be ready as soon as election day, November 3, 2020. Maybe even sooner.
Voters are supposed to be gullible enough to say, “Gosh, me oh my, Trump isn’t a layabout, do-nothing, TV couch potato, after all, a vaccine is on its way. And just before election day on November 3, 2020.
Wait, just a minute. A little bit of deja vu, maybe?
Didn't Trump say the same thing, or make a similar promise about his tax returns during the 2016 election? Tax returns gonna be released before the election. Then they’re being audited. “It’s very complex. I’m so rich and have so many investments.”
But, after the election, what happened? Donald Trump has been fighting tooth-and-nail, preventing the release of his tax returns. He’s even gone to the Supreme Court several times, asking the court to allow him to keep his tax returns private.
If he lied about his tax returns being audited, could he also be lying about an imaginary coronavirus vaccine by election day?
Yes.
Dr. Fauci announced that no way could a vaccine be ready for distribution before election day. It just plain ain't going to happen. (Fauci did not use the word ain't.)
Trump says, “Fire that traitor.”
The United Nations and the Hague plan to step in today, ordering the US and the rest of the world to wear a mask and practice social distancing.
Trump won't.
They will.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-14--Biden Promises to Calm Hurricanes in His First Term

Speaking today from Wilmington Delaware , Presidential Candidate Joe Biden said , `` Donald Trump 's climate denial may not have caused these fires and record floods and record hurricanes , but if he gets a second term , these hellish events will continue to become more common , more devastating and more deadly . ''
While Biden did not make clear why mother nature would become more docile under a Democratic administration , he clearly implied that if he , Biden , were elected , the fires , floods and hurricanes would decline within his first four-year term , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to explain how he would accomplish this nearly miraculous feat .
Reacting to the nearly instant criticism and catcalls from the right that his promises were pure political balderdash , and that nothing Joe Biden could do would affect global climate change in the next four or even forty years , Biden doubled down .
“ People are always doubting the power of American resolve .
If we can go to the moon in ten years , we can solve the climate thing -- which is about earth , a place a lot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in four years .
Now , don ’ t get me wrong .
We won ’ t stop rain altogether , or ban fire or wind , because that would be a bad thing .
But never underestimate the power of wishful thinking .
Think of Pinocchio , who wanted to be a real boy .
And he became a boy !
Think of the Wizard of Oz , where …the little girl…you know the one… Lucy… and her dog whats-his-name wanted to go home .
She closed her eyes and clicked her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , believe me !
” In a post speech critique , conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh asked , “ Folks , do we believe him ?
... Nope .
Can you imagine , this man who forgets Judy Garland ’ s name , who couldn ’ t remember the words to ‘ Over the Rainbow ’ if a tornado picked up his Delaware house and took it for a spin to OZ , convincing American workers to willingly accept blackouts and power shortages ?
Everyone hooking up to windmills in North Dakota ?
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ if that big wooden nose of Biden ’ s looks enough like Moses ’ staff to convince a Red Sea of skeptics to part for him .
”

Speaking today from Wilmington Delaware, Presidential Candidate Joe Biden said, "Donald Trump's climate denial may not have caused these fires and record floods and record hurricanes, but if he gets a second term, these hellish events will continue to become more common, more devastating and more deadly."
While Biden did not make clear why mother nature would become more docile under a Democratic administration, he clearly implied that if he, Biden, were elected, the fires, floods and hurricanes would decline within his first four-year term, although he did not take the opportunity to explain how he would accomplish this nearly miraculous feat.
Reacting to the nearly instant criticism and catcalls from the right that his promises were pure political balderdash, and that nothing Joe Biden could do would affect global climate change in the next four or even forty years, Biden doubled down. “People are always doubting the power of American resolve. If we can go to the moon in ten years, we can solve the climate thing--which is about earth, a place a lot closer to us than the moon--in four years. Now, don’t get me wrong. We won’t stop rain altogether, or ban fire or wind, because that would be a bad thing. But never underestimate the power of wishful thinking. Think of Pinocchio, who wanted to be a real boy. And he became a boy! Think of the Wizard of Oz, where …the little girl…you know the one… Lucy… and her dog whats-his-name wanted to go home. She closed her eyes and clicked her heals together. We can do it, believe me!”
In a post speech critique, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh asked, “Folks, do we believe him?... Nope. Can you imagine, this man who forgets Judy Garland’s name, who couldn’t remember the words to ‘Over the Rainbow’ if a tornado picked up his Delaware house and took it for a spin to OZ, convincing American workers to willingly accept blackouts and power shortages? Everyone hooking up to windmills in North Dakota? Let’s just see in November if that big wooden nose of Biden’s looks enough like Moses’ staff to convince a Red Sea of skeptics to part for him.”


thespoof--2020-09-17--Trump’s Secret Telephone Call To Barack Obama For Help

Stop the presses !
Donald Trump made a desperate phone call to Barack Obama , asking for help .
Nothing was going Trump ’ s way , particularly the Mexican wall .
The wall wasn ’ t finished , and though he promised it would , Mexico had n't paid a nickel for it .
It was also recently discovered Trump was siphoning money from the 9/11 Fireman ’ s Health Fund for his wall .
Then there was the coronavirus pandemic that was not going away like the miracle he predicted .
Trump even helped to get the Arabs @ @ @ @ @ @ @ settlement , but nobody seemed to care .
Then there was the Woodward book !
Seventeen hours of taped conversations , and he gave his permission to be taped .
Trump needed help .
He decided to give Barack Obama a ring .
The White House operator questioned Trump whether he was serious and argued with him at length .
He threatened to fire her , and she put him on hold , waiting for the connection .
Melania drifted into the room to perform her nightly dance of the seven veils , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Marla , I ’ m on hold for the president.
” The White House operator listened in , and recorded the entire conversation between Barack Obama and Trump .
The operator knew the conversation would pay for early retirement on the Seychelles Islands as well as a speedboat .
Trump is reported , ( the operator is pitching the sale of the conversation to book publishers ) to have borne his soul , begging for help , a good word , even a footnote , a smile , anything from Obama , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” .
“ So you need my help ?
” Trump held his breath , crossed his fingers on both hands and his legs , which was a difficult challenge .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Stop the presses! Donald Trump made a desperate phone call to Barack Obama, asking for help. Nothing was going Trump’s way, particularly the Mexican wall. The wall wasn’t finished, and though he promised it would, Mexico hadn't paid a nickel for it. It was also recently discovered Trump was siphoning money from the 9/11 Fireman’s Health Fund for his wall.
Then there was the coronavirus pandemic that was not going away like the miracle he predicted. Trump even helped to get the Arabs and the Israelis to sign a peace settlement, but nobody seemed to care.
Then there was the Woodward book! Seventeen hours of taped conversations, and he gave his permission to be taped.
Trump needed help. He decided to give Barack Obama a ring. The White House operator questioned Trump whether he was serious and argued with him at length.
He threatened to fire her, and she put him on hold, waiting for the connection.
Melania drifted into the room to perform her nightly dance of the seven veils, and Trump said, “Not tonight, Marla, I’m on hold for the president.”
“Tsk! It’s Melania!”
The White House operator listened in, and recorded the entire conversation between Barack Obama and Trump. The operator knew the conversation would pay for early retirement on the Seychelles Islands as well as a speedboat.
Trump is reported, (the operator is pitching the sale of the conversation to book publishers) to have borne his soul, begging for help, a good word, even a footnote, a smile, anything from Obama, who he called a “Good sport”.
“So you need my help?”
Trump held his breath, crossed his fingers on both hands and his legs, which was a difficult challenge.
Obama replied, “This Kenyan can’t help you.”
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thespoof--2020-09-17--Headlines Read: Donald Trump Is Full Of Prunes

Why on earth would Donald Trump be identified as being full of prunes ?
Today 's polls indicate that people surveyed no longer believe anything Donald Trump says , after he called members of the US military losers and suckers .
Even red-state tax-payers who were questioned are whispering , traitor .
Trump hasn ’ t announced that he has discovered a coronavirus vaccine , yet , but it 's coming pretty soon .
The immediate consensus is that , unlike George Washington , Donald Trump can not tell a truth .
So when does Trump lie ?
Whenever Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by Dr. Robert Redfield , MD , Director of the Center for Disease Control , Trump lied again , saying : Dr. Redfield is confused .
Thirty seconds later , next lie by Trump : I 've straightened him out .
Yep !
The reality talk show host , who couldn ’ t pass his SAT exams , straightened out the Director of the Center for Disease Control .
What ?
Dr. Robert Redfield is confused ?
He is accused of being confused by the same Donald Trump who held the bible overhead @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump , groveling after the Nobel Peace Prize ever since Barack Obama won the Prize , and misspells Nobel .
How dopey and confused is that ?
Dopey-er still : Nazis are good people .
Hitler had as much chance of winning the Nobel Peace Prize .
And don ’ t forget the Herd Mentality .
Confused ?
He meant , Herd Immunity , but the best explanation is that Trump was indeed confused .
Again .
Newscasters and pundits are worried and wringing their hands debating what Trump will do after he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Vegas bet : Trump will claim bone spurs , and go out with a whimper by a tweet .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Why on earth would Donald Trump be identified as being full of prunes?
Today's polls indicate that people surveyed no longer believe anything Donald Trump says, after he called members of the US military losers and suckers. Even red-state tax-payers who were questioned are whispering, traitor.
Whew!
Trump hasn’t announced that he has discovered a coronavirus vaccine, yet, but it's coming pretty soon. The immediate consensus is that, unlike George Washington, Donald Trump cannot tell a truth.
So when does Trump lie? Whenever Trump's lips are moving.
Trump’s latest lie: Masks don't work.
When contradicted by Dr. Robert Redfield, MD, Director of the Center for Disease Control, Trump lied again, saying: Dr. Redfield is confused.
Thirty seconds later, next lie by Trump: I've straightened him out.
Yep! The reality talk show host, who couldn’t pass his SAT exams, straightened out the Director of the Center for Disease Control.
What? Dr. Robert Redfield is confused? He is accused of being confused by the same Donald Trump who held the bible overhead, upside down?
The same Donald Trump, groveling after the Nobel Peace Prize ever since Barack Obama won the Prize, and misspells Nobel. How dopey and confused is that? Dopey-er still: Nazis are good people. Hitler had as much chance of winning the Nobel Peace Prize.
And don’t forget the Herd Mentality. Confused? He meant, Herd Immunity, but the best explanation is that Trump was indeed confused. Again.
Newscasters and pundits are worried and wringing their hands debating what Trump will do after he loses the 2020 presidential election. A Vegas bet: Trump will claim bone spurs, and go out with a whimper by a tweet.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-09-16--Man To Make His Own Face Mask Out Of Baby Diaper

With the Coronavirus showing no signs of wanting to go away , one man has decided that it 's finally time to start taking things a bit more seriously , and start wearing a face mask .
Never one to do things by halves , however , he plans to make his own - out of a baby 's diaper .
Ken Moyswood , 57 , stole the idea from a funny video he saw on Facebook , where a man explains what to do with a nappy in order to gain maximum protection from airborne viruses .
The 'punchline @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , to reveal the nappy has already been soiled by a baby , and his mouth area is now covered in shit , or , perhaps , chocolate .
Moyswood , however , plans to use a clean nappy .
`` You can see from the diagram above , the back of the nappy should be cut away , then some strong joined-together rubber bands should be slotted through holes at the points marked ' X ' and around the head to keep the mask in position . ''
He hopes to have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you have finished reading this story , so if readers see him out and about in the neighborhood wearing it , please do n't laugh at the daft bastard .

With the Coronavirus showing no signs of wanting to go away, one man has decided that it's finally time to start taking things a bit more seriously, and start wearing a face mask.
Never one to do things by halves, however, he plans to make his own - out of a baby's diaper.
Ken Moyswood, 57, stole the idea from a funny video he saw on Facebook, where a man explains what to do with a nappy in order to gain maximum protection from airborne viruses. The 'punchline' comes when he removes the mask, to reveal the nappy has already been soiled by a baby, and his mouth area is now covered in shit, or, perhaps, chocolate.
Moyswood, however, plans to use a clean nappy.
He said:
"You can see from the diagram above, the back of the nappy should be cut away, then some strong joined-together rubber bands should be slotted through holes at the points marked 'X' and around the head to keep the mask in position."
He hopes to have completed making the prototype by the time you have finished reading this story, so if readers see him out and about in the neighborhood wearing it, please don't laugh at the daft bastard.


thespoof--2020-09-16--President Putin Tells President Trump Not to Worry – The Election is in the Bag

MOSCOW – ( Satire News ) - A very reliable source within the White House has stated that Russian President @ @ @ @ @ Trump not to worry about the upcoming election .
The source said Putin assured the @ @ @ @ @ the bag .
According to the source , the Russian leader informed Trump that Russians @ @ @ @ @ 9 million counterfeit Republican mail-in voting ballots .
These postage-paid ballots will be mailed out @ @ @ @ @ in America , except for California .
Putin said that the print shop used a @ @ @ @ @ was sent to them by Sean Hannity .
The inside source revealed that Hannity also @ @ @ @ @ Joe Biden ’ s birth certificate , which shows that he was born in Zimbabwe @ @ @ @ @ 97 , and not 77 like he claims .

MOSCOW – (Satire News) - A very reliable source within the White House has stated that Russian President Vladimir Putin has informed President Trump not to worry about the upcoming election.
The source said Putin assured the Trumpster that victory is in the bag.
According to the source, the Russian leader informed Trump that Russians national printing shop has printed 9 million counterfeit Republican mail-in voting ballots.
These postage-paid ballots will be mailed out to voters in every state in America, except for California.
Putin said that the print shop used a copy of a ballot that was sent to them by Sean Hannity.
The inside source revealed that Hannity also sent Putin a copy of Joe Biden’s birth certificate, which shows that he was born in Zimbabwe, and that he is 97, and not 77 like he claims.


thespoof--2020-09-17--Peter Strzok: Patsy or Patriot? Patsy.

Peter Strzok: Patsy or Patriot? Patsy.

Former FBI agent Peter Strzok said on Wednesday ’ s broadcast of MSNBC ’ s “ Live ” , that history would see him and all the government agents that worked on the counterintelligence investigation into possible links between the Russian government and Trump campaign officials , as “ patriots ” .
Asked to comment by Fox News ’ Martha McCallum , History declined to confirm Mr. Strzok ’ s prediction , and said only that it was still thinking about the matter .
But History did offer its thoughts on the general subject of patriotism , observing that a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ distinguish from a “ traitor ” , and that much depended upon subsequent events , for example , whether Mr. Strzok is prosecuted and sent to prison , which , of course , it could not reveal .
History did , however , confirm to Fox News that it sees Mr. Strzok as a clown , a man of low personal morality , and likely a dupe of the very Russian Intelligence agents he thought he was exposing .
“ These judgments are already rendered beyond dispute , ” History said , not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , as it was necessary to relocate and be in position to observe and record next big events in its purview : the shocking November victory of Donald Trump , and the even more shocking alien invasion that would follow , leading to the end of all human life .
“ I assume , from your silence , Martha , that there will be no further questions on Mr. Strzok ?
” History remarked , with a laugh .
`` Of course , Peter Strzok and I already knew that . ''

Former FBI agent Peter Strzok said on Wednesday’s broadcast of MSNBC’s “Live”, that history would see him and all the government agents that worked on the counterintelligence investigation into possible links between the Russian government and Trump campaign officials, as “patriots”.
Asked to comment by Fox News’ Martha McCallum, History declined to confirm Mr. Strzok’s prediction, and said only that it was still thinking about the matter.
But History did offer its thoughts on the general subject of patriotism, observing that a “patriot” was often hard to distinguish from a “traitor”, and that much depended upon subsequent events, for example, whether Mr. Strzok is prosecuted and sent to prison, which, of course, it could not reveal.
History did, however, confirm to Fox News that it sees Mr. Strzok as a clown, a man of low personal morality, and likely a dupe of the very Russian Intelligence agents he thought he was exposing. “These judgments are already rendered beyond dispute,” History said, not wishing to comment further on the matter, as it was necessary to relocate and be in position to observe and record next big events in its purview: the shocking November victory of Donald Trump, and the even more shocking alien invasion that would follow, leading to the end of all human life.
“I assume, from your silence, Martha, that there will be no further questions on Mr. Strzok?” History remarked, with a laugh. "Of course, Peter Strzok and I already knew that."


thespoof--2020-09-16--Trump Confesses He Can’t Win 2020 Election

Donald Trump has confessed that he can not win the 2020 election .
At least , not honestly .
So he condemned mail-in or absentee ballots , which are safe ways to avoid being exposed to the coronavirus .
However , both leave a paper trail .
Trump does n't like that paper trail .
Trump also predicted children would steal ballots and write in Biden ’ s name .
There goes another stolen vote to Biden that should have gone to Trump .
Children are going to steal the election for Biden .
To further ensure absentee and mail-in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ US Postal Service .
He cut postal workers ' hours and did away with rapid mail sorting equipment .
He has even gone so far as to remove corner mailboxes .
Now that is a church confession .
And without any shame , Donald Trump has encouraged his voters to vote twice .
That 's twice , two , 2 , 1+1= 2 times .
Suggesting that they vote twice and cheat , is another confession that he ca n't win honestly .
Attorney General William Barr , more or less said voting @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , why not ?
He said he didn ’ t see anything wrong with voting twice , yummy , yummy , yummy .
But Attorney General Barr didn ’ t go so far as to suggest anyone use a disguise like painting on a fake mustache , ladies wear feathered hats with heavy veils , or dress like a truck driver , then vote a second time as a flight attendant .
But Barr wants to keep his job , yummy , yummy , yummy .
So save any Halloween costumes , bring @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a quick change , and Make America Great Again .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump has confessed that he can not win the 2020 election. At least, not honestly. So he condemned mail-in or absentee ballots, which are safe ways to avoid being exposed to the coronavirus. However, both leave a paper trail. Trump doesn't like that paper trail.
Trump also predicted children would steal ballots and write in Biden’s name. There goes another stolen vote to Biden that should have gone to Trump. Children are going to steal the election for Biden.
To further ensure absentee and mail-in voting fail, Trump has sabotaged the US Postal Service. He cut postal workers' hours and did away with rapid mail sorting equipment. He has even gone so far as to remove corner mailboxes.
Now that is a church confession.
And without any shame, Donald Trump has encouraged his voters to vote twice. That's twice, two, 2, 1+1= 2 times. Suggesting that they vote twice and cheat, is another confession that he can't win honestly.
Attorney General William Barr, more or less said voting twice, would be okay. Sure, why not? He said he didn’t see anything wrong with voting twice, yummy, yummy, yummy.
But Attorney General Barr didn’t go so far as to suggest anyone use a disguise like painting on a fake mustache, ladies wear feathered hats with heavy veils, or dress like a truck driver, then vote a second time as a flight attendant. But Barr wants to keep his job, yummy, yummy, yummy.
So save any Halloween costumes, bring them to the voting precinct, do a quick change, and Make America Great Again.
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thespoof--2020-09-16--Joe Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) Biden

BILLINGSGATE POST : Kamala “ Breath ” Harris , Joe Biden 's running mate in the 2020 election , raised eyebrows on Monday evening after she accidentally touted economic plans under a `` Harris administration . ''
`` A Harris administration , together with Joe Biden as the president of the United States , '' she said .
She quickly clarified , `` The Biden-Harris administration will provide access to $ 100 billion in low-interest loans and investments from minority business owners . ''
If it seems like Joe ’ s running mate is a fan of Nancy Sinatra , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , Nancy had two big hits that might have been written for the Biden - Harris pairing : These Boots Were Meant For Walking and Bang Bang ( My Baby Shot Me Down ) .
Kamala ’ s Theme Song : These Boots Were Made For Walking You keep lying when you ought to be truthing You keep losing when you ought to not bet You keep saming when you ought to be changing Now , what 's right is right , but you ai n't been right yet These boots are made @ @ @ @ @ @ @ they 'll do One of these days these boots Are gon na walk all over you Slim : “ Nancy Sinatra might be better than her old man at hitting the high notes.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
If only she could sing .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Kamala “Breath” Harris, Joe Biden's running mate in the 2020 election, raised eyebrows on Monday evening after she accidentally touted economic plans under a "Harris administration."
"A Harris administration, together with Joe Biden as the president of the United States," she said. She quickly clarified, "The Biden-Harris administration will provide access to $100 billion in low-interest loans and investments from minority business owners."
If it seems like Joe’s running mate is a fan of Nancy Sinatra, you might be right. In 1966, Nancy had two big hits that might have been written for the Biden - Harris pairing: These Boots Were Meant For Walking and Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down).
Kamala’s Theme Song: These Boots Were Made For Walking
You keep lying when you ought to be truthing
You keep losing when you ought to not bet
You keep saming when you ought to be changing
Now, what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots
Are gonna walk all over you
Slim: “Nancy Sinatra might be better than her old man at hitting the high notes.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If only she could sing.”