thespoof--2020-11-24--Biden to ‘Ride Trump Lion’ to Inauguration

In a surprisingly politically insensitive move , President-elect Joe Biden has announced that he is to go to his inauguration ceremony , next January , riding a lion that has been fitted with a prosthetic latex mask of ex-US president - we all hope - Donald Trump .
The twelve-year-old male lion , called ‘ Ol ’ Grizzly , ’ will be supplied by one of Biden ’ s old circus pals , ‘ Dangerous ’ Jack Catflap .
It is a little-known fact that President-elect Biden was once a circus clown who performed under the stage name of Beppo @ @ @ @ @ @ @ supplied by Disney studios .
“ I ’ m delighted that uncle Joe ’ s gon na ride the frickin ’ lion up those steps to his inauguration , ” crowed Biden ’ s presidential running partner and VP-elect , Kamala ‘ the ball-breaker ’ Harris .
“ In the eyes of the world , it will be a metaphor for the victory of liberal values over the rise of neo-fascism…and it ’ ll look really cool , too !
” However , serious criticism has already been voiced from a number of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was Ivanka Trump , who snapped : “ It ’ s nothing more than a cheap political stunt aimed at humiliating my father .
Further , if anyone ’ s face is going on that lion ’ s head , it should be mine .
I ’ m a lot prettier than daddy , and I ’ ve already opened a pop-up store selling luxury Donald Trump latex masks for lion ’ s heads .
Check it out at 4444 Acacia Avenue , downtown Manhattan .
You don ’ t need to bother @ @ @ @ @ @ @ We ’ ve got a window open.
” Also fast to object to the ‘ Biden rides a lion ’ show was Omarosa Manigault Newman .
“ It ’ s damned well unseemly , ” spat out the lady famous for being famously a woman of colour with some opinions , “ Sticking it to Trump is a new cottage industry that I ’ ve been doing quite nicely out of , financially speaking .
There will be no lucrative TV spin-offs for me in this riding the lion stunt .
In fact @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the world , I should have an hour-long TV special just to moan about it !
” Another person strongly critical of the upcoming lion riding performance was Dr Anthony Fauci , who said , “ It ’ s a stupid stunt that carries far more risks than benefits .
It ( Ol ’ Grizzly ) could go into a wild frenzy and eat the President-elect .
That would be a disaster .
By rights , the lion should be neutered , have all its teeth and claws removed , be sedated @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cage .
Then uncle Joe can sit on top of the cage waving the photo of the lion before we did all those awful things to it .
If uncle Joe wants to crayon Trump ’ s face onto the photo , then that ’ ll be fine .
Otherwise forget the whole dumb idea .
I ’ m gong back to hide in my house under the bed now.
” However , Netflix has gone crazy over the idea , and plans to make a ten-part docu-drama about the stunt .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Joe ( it was to be Jonny Depp but he was dropped as they were too frightened that he might get off his t*ts on cocaine and booze , and beat the crap out of the lion ) .
The lion is to be played by UK politician and human lizard Nigel Farage .
“ I ’ m delighted to be offered the part , ” smarmed Farage when interviewed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano .
“ I ’ m perfect for the role .
I easily transition @ @ @ @ @ @ @ powerful people , and I ’ m well used to having those with more money than me riding on my back .
In fact , it ’ ll be a nice change to be wearing a Trump mask as opposed to having my head up his ass.
” Also delighted was the lion tamer and owner of Ol ’ Grizzly , ‘ Dangerous ’ Jack Catflap** , who quipped , “ This is great news for me , Ol ’ Grizzly , ‘ Dangerous Jack ’ s Travelling Circus , ’ and all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
After a stunt like this , no one will dare shout at me in the streets ‘ those bears should not have been made to ride skateboards !
’ and we can get on with the job of making gazillions of dollars out of dumb critters with impunity.
” ** Dangerous Jack Catflap is the current CEO of SeaWorld Parks and Entertainment .

In a surprisingly politically insensitive move, President-elect Joe Biden has announced that he is to go to his inauguration ceremony, next January, riding a lion that has been fitted with a prosthetic latex mask of ex-US president - we all hope - Donald Trump.
The twelve-year-old male lion, called ‘Ol’ Grizzly,’ will be supplied by one of Biden’s old circus pals, ‘Dangerous’ Jack Catflap. It is a little-known fact that President-elect Biden was once a circus clown who performed under the stage name of Beppo. The prosthetic latex mask will be supplied by Disney studios.
“I’m delighted that uncle Joe’s gonna ride the frickin’ lion up those steps to his inauguration,” crowed Biden’s presidential running partner and VP-elect, Kamala ‘the ball-breaker’ Harris. “In the eyes of the world, it will be a metaphor for the victory of liberal values over the rise of neo-fascism…and it’ll look really cool, too!”
However, serious criticism has already been voiced from a number of quarters. Quick out of the blocks was Ivanka Trump, who snapped:
“It’s nothing more than a cheap political stunt aimed at humiliating my father. Further, if anyone’s face is going on that lion’s head, it should be mine. I’m a lot prettier than daddy, and I’ve already opened a pop-up store selling luxury Donald Trump latex masks for lion’s heads. Check it out at 4444 Acacia Avenue, downtown Manhattan. You don’t need to bother with a facemask if you visit. We’ve got a window open.”
Also fast to object to the ‘Biden rides a lion’ show was Omarosa Manigault Newman.
“It’s damned well unseemly,” spat out the lady famous for being famously a woman of colour with some opinions, “Sticking it to Trump is a new cottage industry that I’ve been doing quite nicely out of, financially speaking. There will be no lucrative TV spin-offs for me in this riding the lion stunt. In fact, if there’s any justice in the world, I should have an hour-long TV special just to moan about it!”
Another person strongly critical of the upcoming lion riding performance was Dr Anthony Fauci, who said, “It’s a stupid stunt that carries far more risks than benefits. It (Ol’ Grizzly) could go into a wild frenzy and eat the President-elect. That would be a disaster. By rights, the lion should be neutered, have all its teeth and claws removed, be sedated, and then hermetically sealed in a cage. Then uncle Joe can sit on top of the cage waving the photo of the lion before we did all those awful things to it. If uncle Joe wants to crayon Trump’s face onto the photo, then that’ll be fine. Otherwise forget the whole dumb idea. I’m gong back to hide in my house under the bed now.”
However, Netflix has gone crazy over the idea, and plans to make a ten-part docu-drama about the stunt. The series will star Brad Pitt as uncle Joe (it was to be Jonny Depp but he was dropped as they were too frightened that he might get off his t*ts on cocaine and booze, and beat the crap out of the lion). The lion is to be played by UK politician and human lizard Nigel Farage.
“I’m delighted to be offered the part,” smarmed Farage when interviewed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano. “I’m perfect for the role. I easily transition onto all fours when around rich and powerful people, and I’m well used to having those with more money than me riding on my back. In fact, it’ll be a nice change to be wearing a Trump mask as opposed to having my head up his ass.”
Also delighted was the lion tamer and owner of Ol’ Grizzly, ‘Dangerous’ Jack Catflap**, who quipped, “This is great news for me, Ol’ Grizzly, ‘Dangerous Jack’s Travelling Circus,’ and all those that exploit animals for profit worldwide. After a stunt like this, no one will dare shout at me in the streets ‘those bears should not have been made to ride skateboards!’ and we can get on with the job of making gazillions of dollars out of dumb critters with impunity.”
** Dangerous Jack Catflap is the current CEO of SeaWorld Parks and Entertainment.


thespoof--2020-11-24--President Trump Promises That He’ll Release His Tax Returns When He Runs In 2024

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Donald Trump continues to play golf every day , and is not too concerned with running the country .
A very reliable White House staff member revealed that the President has pretty much put the running of the country on automatic pilot .
Trump was asked by Vox Populi 's Ichabod Fernandez when he was planning on releasing his tax returns , which he said he would release 4 years ago .
The President replied that he recently spoke to one of the auditors , and was told they should be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the 2024 presidential election RumorLand News is reporting that POTUS has handed the Missile Launching Remote to his favorite child , Ivanka .
Trump spoke with several reporters as he played golf , yet again , at one of his 16 golf courses .
Vox Populi reports that every time that Trump plays a round of golf , the American taxpayers foot the bill , which averages $ 600,000 a round .
If one does the math , the $ 600,000 is equal to the cost of 21 Kia Sorentos .
In Other @ @ @ @ @ @ @ North Korean leader Kim Jong-un , says that Kim has the hots for buxom rapper Megan The Stallion .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Donald Trump continues to play golf every day, and is not too concerned with running the country.
A very reliable White House staff member revealed that the President has pretty much put the running of the country on automatic pilot.
Trump was asked by Vox Populi's Ichabod Fernandez when he was planning on releasing his tax returns, which he said he would release 4 years ago.
The President replied that he recently spoke to one of the auditors, and was told they should be ready to be released in time for the 2024 presidential election
RumorLand News is reporting that POTUS has handed the Missile Launching Remote to his favorite child, Ivanka.
Trump spoke with several reporters as he played golf, yet again, at one of his 16 golf courses.
Vox Populi reports that every time that Trump plays a round of golf, the American taxpayers foot the bill, which averages $600,000 a round.
If one does the math, the $600,000 is equal to the cost of 21 Kia Sorentos.
In Other News: A very close friend of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, says that Kim has the hots for buxom rapper Megan The Stallion.


thespoof--2020-11-24--Jill Biden Reveals Her First Act

Jill Biden Reveals Her First Act

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Jill Biden told Vox Populi News that she can hardly wait @ @ @ @ @ sworn in so that they can occupy the White House .
She commented that the @ @ @ @ @ going to do is to trash all of Melania Trump 's hideous Slovenian-style bedroom furniture @ @ @ @ @ sandblasted .
Mrs. Biden said that she can just imagine how horrible the smell from @ @ @ @ @ and facial make up must be .
The First-Lady-to-be expressed that one of the White @ @ @ @ @ and told her not to go inside the bedroom , because the smell is enough @ @ @ @ @ pass out .
The maid added that the presidential bathroom ceiling has nicotine stains from @ @ @ @ @ sneak his daily 5 Marlboro cigarettes .
Mrs. Biden told Michelle Obama that she will @ @ @ @ @ bedroom using an early 19th century Delawarean motif with a side of early Mescalero Apache @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Jill Biden told Vox Populi News that she can hardly wait for her husband to be sworn in so that they can occupy the White House.
She commented that the very first thing she is going to do is to trash all of Melania Trump's hideous Slovenian-style bedroom furniture and have the entire room sandblasted.
Mrs. Biden said that she can just imagine how horrible the smell from Trump’s hair coloring and facial make up must be.
The First-Lady-to-be expressed that one of the White House maids called her, and told her not to go inside the bedroom, because the smell is enough to make an African rhinoceros pass out.
The maid added that the presidential bathroom ceiling has nicotine stains from when the President would secretly sneak his daily 5 Marlboro cigarettes.
Mrs. Biden told Michelle Obama that she will be decorating their new presidential bedroom using an early 19th century Delawarean motif with a side of early Mescalero Apache.


thespoof--2020-11-24--US Election Results Turnover – Covid Virus Wins Presidency!

Following frenetic activity by Trump ’ s legal team , headed by the swivel-eyed melting-scalped legal-beagle Rudy Giuliani , the result of the 2020 election has been overturned .
President Trump took to the White House balcony and declared , to an anxious world , that he was the victor in the 2020 race to become US president .
However , in a bizarre turn of events , Trump suddenly went limp , shuddered , then stood ramrod straight and announced that he was , in fact , the embodiment of the Covid-19 virus .
Using Trump ’ s body @ @ @ @ @ @ @ virus declared victory .
It was noted that Trump spoke with a Chinese accent .
The virus boasted that it now had 100 % control over Trump ’ s body , with at least one virus occupying every cell , with the exception of Trump ’ s brain , where there was only room for nine .
Speaking to a hastily assembled press pack , president Covid announced a raft of radical reforms he intends to introduce when he takes office in January 2021 .
These include completing the border wall to keep @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into America from shithole countries with dirty drains , abolishing Obamacare , Medicare , Medicaid , and anything else that pissed off viruses , and finally , banning face masks for everyone except for Jonny Depp .
When asked for a comment on the virus ’ possession of her husband ’ s body , Melania Trump asked , “ What size are its hands ?
”

Following frenetic activity by Trump’s legal team, headed by the swivel-eyed melting-scalped legal-beagle Rudy Giuliani, the result of the 2020 election has been overturned. President Trump took to the White House balcony and declared, to an anxious world, that he was the victor in the 2020 race to become US president.
However, in a bizarre turn of events, Trump suddenly went limp, shuddered, then stood ramrod straight and announced that he was, in fact, the embodiment of the Covid-19 virus. Using Trump’s body and speaking through his mouth, the virus declared victory. It was noted that Trump spoke with a Chinese accent.
The virus boasted that it now had 100% control over Trump’s body, with at least one virus occupying every cell, with the exception of Trump’s brain, where there was only room for nine.
Speaking to a hastily assembled press pack, president Covid announced a raft of radical reforms he intends to introduce when he takes office in January 2021. These include completing the border wall to keep out undocumented alien bacteria, banning flights into America from shithole countries with dirty drains, abolishing Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid, and anything else that pissed off viruses, and finally, banning face masks for everyone except for Jonny Depp.
When asked for a comment on the virus’ possession of her husband’s body, Melania Trump asked, “What size are its hands?”


thespoof--2020-11-24--Trump To Spend Christmas in Jail as Santa

Swiftly on the back of the President finally growing up and accepting that the majority of Americans prefer a decent human being to him , Donald Trump has announced his Christmas plans .
He is to spend the holiday in a cell inside New York ’ s main jail complex , Rikers Island .
The announcement came as a surprise , but not a shock to journalists attending the President ’ s latest pop-up news conference at the 13th hole of his golf course in West Palm Beach .
It was expected that the President would set aside some time @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lies ahead for him once he leaves office .
It is expected that , even if the President was to pardon himself from the misdemeanours he , his family , and his cohorts committed while in office , he will still fall foul of the law and have to spend some time in jail .
“ What better time to get used to being locked up than Christmas , ” crowed the President .
“ It should be a barrel of laughs getting to know new folks , and making new alliances .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the warm affectionate cuddles from my sex-droid , Mekanika , but , other than that , I hope to have a quiet and restful seasonal break .
However , I will have to perform some official duties .
There ’ s a bunch ’ a real nice fellas in Rikers called the Barrio Azteca .
They ’ ve given me the honour of being their Santa Claus this holiday and I ’ m looking forward to doing it .
Bizarrely the exchanging of gifts takes place in the communal showers – can you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that the role of Santa would be given to Mike Pence , who is also expected to do prison time , as he already has white hair .
However , as his head has the propensity to attract flies , it was thought that his choice would be unhygienic .
One other role has been determined though ; that of Santa ’ s favourite elf .
This will go to Rudy Giuliani .
The normally highly-animated diminutive swivel-eyed lunatic will have to control his movements in this role , as he will have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will be required to double as Santa ’ s candle night light .
It was figured he would be ideal for this role , as he appears to be already melting .

Swiftly on the back of the President finally growing up and accepting that the majority of Americans prefer a decent human being to him, Donald Trump has announced his Christmas plans. He is to spend the holiday in a cell inside New York’s main jail complex, Rikers Island.
The announcement came as a surprise, but not a shock to journalists attending the President’s latest pop-up news conference at the 13th hole of his golf course in West Palm Beach. It was expected that the President would set aside some time to acclimatize himself to the future that lies ahead for him once he leaves office.
It is expected that, even if the President was to pardon himself from the misdemeanours he, his family, and his cohorts committed while in office, he will still fall foul of the law and have to spend some time in jail.
“What better time to get used to being locked up than Christmas,” crowed the President. “It should be a barrel of laughs getting to know new folks, and making new alliances. I’ll miss the golf and the warm affectionate cuddles from my sex-droid, Mekanika, but, other than that, I hope to have a quiet and restful seasonal break. However, I will have to perform some official duties. There’s a bunch’a real nice fellas in Rikers called the Barrio Azteca. They’ve given me the honour of being their Santa Claus this holiday and I’m looking forward to doing it. Bizarrely the exchanging of gifts takes place in the communal showers – can you believe that?”
It was anticipated that the role of Santa would be given to Mike Pence, who is also expected to do prison time, as he already has white hair. However, as his head has the propensity to attract flies, it was thought that his choice would be unhygienic.
One other role has been determined though; that of Santa’s favourite elf. This will go to Rudy Giuliani. The normally highly-animated diminutive swivel-eyed lunatic will have to control his movements in this role, as he will have a wick implanted in his head and will be required to double as Santa’s candle night light. It was figured he would be ideal for this role, as he appears to be already melting.


thespoof--2020-11-24--President Trump FINALLY concedes he’s a wanker

Following the result of the US Presidential election on 3 November , 2020 , when a majority of voters decided that Donald Trump is a wanker , a majority of the electoral college voted that he is a wanker , and a slew of court cases challenging the findings have been rejected across the country , President Trump has FINALLY conceded that he is a wanker .
The admission has sent a sigh of relief across Washington , where legislators feared that a delay about admitting POTUS ’ s proclivities to masturbation could upset the government of the United States @ @ @ @ @ @ @ undermine the reputation of the nation across the world .
For weeks since 3 November , 2020 , Donald Trump denied being a wanker and alleged that his rival , Joe Biden , was a wanker .
He also alleged , without proof of any sort , that he had never wanked .
CNN and other news agencies repeatedly insisted that the President kept one hand on his phone and the other in his underpants .
Melania Trump initially repeated her husband ’ s denials of being a wanker , saying that she @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in his favour on the issue .
However , she was unable to explain the presence of sticky residue on his trousers following a telephone conference with Russia ’ s President Putin , or why his fly was undone after a private call with North Korea ’ s Kim Jong-un .
An expert on wanking said that President Trump often raises one hand in the air during rallies to distract the audience away from his other hand , which he keeps stuffed in his trousers .
`` This is classic wanker behaviour , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Biden has welcomed the President ’ s admission that he is a wanker , but said that he won ’ t be shaking hands with the President when he meets him for the handover .

Following the result of the US Presidential election on 3 November, 2020, when a majority of voters decided that Donald Trump is a wanker, a majority of the electoral college voted that he is a wanker, and a slew of court cases challenging the findings have been rejected across the country, President Trump has FINALLY conceded that he is a wanker.
The admission has sent a sigh of relief across Washington, where legislators feared that a delay about admitting POTUS’s proclivities to masturbation could upset the government of the United States, potentially prolong the Coronavirus pandemic and undermine the reputation of the nation across the world. For weeks since 3 November, 2020, Donald Trump denied being a wanker and alleged that his rival, Joe Biden, was a wanker. He also alleged, without proof of any sort, that he had never wanked. CNN and other news agencies repeatedly insisted that the President kept one hand on his phone and the other in his underpants. Melania Trump initially repeated her husband’s denials of being a wanker, saying that she hoped that the Supreme Court would rule in his favour on the issue. However, she was unable to explain the presence of sticky residue on his trousers following a telephone conference with Russia’s President Putin, or why his fly was undone after a private call with North Korea’s Kim Jong-un.
An expert on wanking said that President Trump often raises one hand in the air during rallies to distract the audience away from his other hand, which he keeps stuffed in his trousers. "This is classic wanker behaviour," said the unnamed expert.
President-Elect Biden has welcomed the President’s admission that he is a wanker, but said that he won’t be shaking hands with the President when he meets him for the handover.


thespoof--2020-11-24--Massachusetts Cancels Thanksgiving – Thousands of Pilgrims Are Pissed

BOSTON – ( Satire News ) – The governor of Massachusetts , Charlie Baker is catching hell over his decision @ @ @ @ @ told Boom Boom News that he decided to cancel the traditional holiday , due to @ @ @ @ @ in his state who are coming down with President Trump ’ s Trumpapalooza virus .
@ @ @ @ @ is sorry that the state ’ s 132 turkey farmers will be losing their asses @ @ @ @ @ they can make it up by doubling the price of turkey eggs .
Meanwhile , @ @ @ @ @ million pilgrims are up in arms , and say that they are ready to take @ @ @ @ @ walls , and drive to the state capital .
One feisty female Pilgrim , Hester @ @ @ @ @ says she is planning on borrowing her grandson 's Harley Davidson motorcycle , and riding @ @ @ @ @ mansion , and personally stuffing him with 2 pounds of Stovetop Stuffing .

BOSTON – (Satire News) – The governor of Massachusetts, Charlie Baker is catching hell over his decision to cancel Thanksgiving.
He told Boom Boom News that he decided to cancel the traditional holiday, due to the increasing number of citizens in his state who are coming down with President Trump’s Trumpapalooza virus.
The governor stressed that he is sorry that the state’s 132 turkey farmers will be losing their asses, but pointed out that they can make it up by doubling the price of turkey eggs.
Meanwhile, the states more than 1.8 million pilgrims are up in arms, and say that they are ready to take their commemorative muskets off the walls, and drive to the state capital.
One feisty female Pilgrim, Hester Marie Cricketcreek, 74, says she is planning on borrowing her grandson's Harley Davidson motorcycle, and riding to the governor’s mansion, and personally stuffing him with 2 pounds of Stovetop Stuffing.


thespoof--2020-11-26--Nation Refuses to Pardon NBC for Complicity in Helping Trump Get Involved in Showbusiness

Washington - A growing chorus of political experts and observers in the United States are considering a class action suit against NBC , some television show producers and directors , and just about anyone else that had anything to do with Donald Trump pursuing a showbusiness career , which led to his presidency .
Lawyers for the NBC studios replied that they were asking the departing President Trump for a pardon against any future claims to be filed against the company , which aired 'The Apprentice ' program in 2004 .
The show apparently convinced many Americans that Trump was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ estate entrepreneur , and would be an ideal candidate for the leader of the country , when , in fact , he burned through most of his inheritance on dicey businesses like Trump Casinos , Trump Resorts , Trump University and other failures .
`` Were it not for 'The Apprentice ' , a very misleading endeavor , perhaps the truth would have been known , '' said one lawyer evaluating the legal options .
`` If Trump tries to pardon the people behind that show , we will ask the Supreme Court @ @ @ @ @

Washington - A growing chorus of political experts and observers in the United States are considering a class action suit against NBC, some television show producers and directors, and just about anyone else that had anything to do with Donald Trump pursuing a showbusiness career, which led to his presidency.
Lawyers for the NBC studios replied that they were asking the departing President Trump for a pardon against any future claims to be filed against the company, which aired 'The Apprentice' program in 2004. The show apparently convinced many Americans that Trump was an actual business genius and successful real estate entrepreneur, and would be an ideal candidate for the leader of the country, when, in fact, he burned through most of his inheritance on dicey businesses like Trump Casinos, Trump Resorts, Trump University and other failures.
"Were it not for 'The Apprentice', a very misleading endeavor, perhaps the truth would have been known," said one lawyer evaluating the legal options. "If Trump tries to pardon the people behind that show, we will ask the Supreme Court to step in."


thespoof--2020-11-26--President Trump is Putting His Mississippi Beach House on The Market

DELTA DAWN , Mississippi – ( Satire News ) – GOPicky magazine is reporting that the president has decided to sell his Mississippi beach house .
He told writer Amos Soursuckle that , now that he will soon become John Q .
Public , he is going to have to cut back on some expenses .
POTUS stated that he hadn ’ t been to his delta beach house in over five years .
He pointed out that the last time his family was down there , Eric got stung by a Barbarian jellyfish , and they had to rush @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were successfully able to remove 85 % of the venomous jelly .
As he was recovering in the hospital , Eric vowed that he would never again get within 900 miles of Mississippi .
Trump is using the Way Down South In Dixie Realty Company , to sell his beach house .
He told Soursuckle that the property , including two little canoes , will be listed for $ 1.7 million .
The President stated that the beach house would need a paint job , along with a new toilet and sink , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ months ago by Hurricane Sushi .

DELTA DAWN, Mississippi – (Satire News) – GOPicky magazine is reporting that the president has decided to sell his Mississippi beach house.
He told writer Amos Soursuckle that, now that he will soon become John Q. Public, he is going to have to cut back on some expenses.
POTUS stated that he hadn’t been to his delta beach house in over five years.
He pointed out that the last time his family was down there, Eric got stung by a Barbarian jellyfish, and they had to rush him to a 24-hour clinic where doctors were successfully able to remove 85% of the venomous jelly.
As he was recovering in the hospital, Eric vowed that he would never again get within 900 miles of Mississippi.
Trump is using the Way Down South In Dixie Realty Company, to sell his beach house. He told Soursuckle that the property, including two little canoes, will be listed for $1.7 million.
The President stated that the beach house would need a paint job, along with a new toilet and sink, which were carried away a couple of months ago by Hurricane Sushi.


thespoof--2020-11-26--After Flynn Pardon, Over Half of Nation’s 2.2 Million Prison Inmates Now Claim to be Friends of Dona

After Flynn Pardon, Over Half of Nation’s 2.2 Million Prison Inmates Now Claim to be Friends of Donald Trump

Washington - After President Trump pardoned convicted felon Michael Flynn to kick off an expected wave of presidential pardons - @ @ @ @ @ , or friends of , the defeated chief executive - over a million inmates have @ @ @ @ @ and other evidence claiming to be friends , acquaintances and supporters of the President .
@ @ @ @ @ been overwhelmed with a deluge of letters sent from various penal institutions across the country @ @ @ @ @ feed has been clogged with requests for pardons from inmates claiming to have known or @ @ @ @ @ Remember that time I saw you down in Florida and said `` go get that @ @ @ @ @ in 2016 ? ''
said one Jacksonville inmate in a tweet .
`` I 've @ @ @ @ @ , how about getting me out of this can , '' said another on Trump @ @ @ @ @ These are great people , the best Americans , and we 're going to get @ @ @ @ @ , very unfair ! ''
tweeted back Trump .

Washington - After President Trump pardoned convicted felon Michael Flynn to kick off an expected wave of presidential pardons - mostly of people loyal to, or friends of, the defeated chief executive - over a million inmates have submitted letters, affidavits, and other evidence claiming to be friends, acquaintances and supporters of the President.
The White House mailroom has been overwhelmed with a deluge of letters sent from various penal institutions across the country, and Trump's Twitter feed has been clogged with requests for pardons from inmates claiming to have known or supported the President.
"Remember that time I saw you down in Florida and said "go get that deep state Prez" back in 2016?" said one Jacksonville inmate in a tweet. "I've always been a big fan, how about getting me out of this can," said another on Trump's pardon thread.
"These are great people, the best Americans, and we're going to get them all out of jail, very unfair!" tweeted back Trump.


thespoof--2020-11-26--President Trump is Being Sued By The Ku Klux Klan and The Proud Boys

DUCK DUNG , Alabama – ( Satire News ) - President Trump ’ s lead lawyer , Segundo Juarez , has just commented that two white extremist groups have filed lawsuits against one Donald Jonathan Trump , esq .
The two organizations are the Ku Klux Klan and the Proud Boys .
The two have filed a class action lawsuit in the amount of $ 47 million , charging that the President turned into a pantywaist due to prodding from PETA , the CIA , and the BBC .
A spokesman for KKK and the Proud Boys claim that Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ world that he is nothing but a loser , and a sore loser at that .
The KKK and the PBs further state that they like presidents who win , and not who lose like Trump lost .
They added that he is a total embarrassment , not only to his base , but to every white extremist group in the entire nation .
The lawsuit goes on to state that several GOP organizations are circulating petitions asking Trump to never run for office again , and , if he does , they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Republican banner .

DUCK DUNG, Alabama – (Satire News) - President Trump’s lead lawyer, Segundo Juarez, has just commented that two white extremist groups have filed lawsuits against one Donald Jonathan Trump, esq.
The two organizations are the Ku Klux Klan and the Proud Boys. The two have filed a class action lawsuit in the amount of $47 million, charging that the President turned into a pantywaist due to prodding from PETA, the CIA, and the BBC.
A spokesman for KKK and the Proud Boys claim that Trump has shown the entire country and the world that he is nothing but a loser, and a sore loser at that.
The KKK and the PBs further state that they like presidents who win, and not who lose like Trump lost.
They added that he is a total embarrassment, not only to his base, but to every white extremist group in the entire nation.
The lawsuit goes on to state that several GOP organizations are circulating petitions asking Trump to never run for office again, and, if he does, they demand that he not run under the Republican banner.


thespoof--2020-11-26--President-Elect Joe Biden Has Offered The Secretary of Treasury Position to Jeff Bezos

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The newly-elected president , Joe Biden , has been busy filling in his cabinet positions and talking to commercial disinfectant companies .
Upon recommendation from his wife , Jill , and newly-elected vice-president , Kamala Harris , he has offered the treasury secretary job to Jeff Bezos .
As Jill Biden stated , who better to run the financial department of the United States than the world ’ s richest man ?
Harris agreed , adding that should the country get into a financial situation , Jeff would be able to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 10 minutes , and at zero percent interest .
An aide to Joe Biden says that all of his campaign workers and staffers-to-be were in complete agreement , and can hardly wait for the new president to open up the kid cages , get rid of the portrait of President Andrew `` The Racist '' Jackson , that sits in Trump 's snack room , and start arresting white extremists .
Meanwhile , Jeff Bezos says he 'll certainly consider the Treasury secretary position , although he 'd be taking one hell of @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The newly-elected president, Joe Biden, has been busy filling in his cabinet positions and talking to commercial disinfectant companies.
Upon recommendation from his wife, Jill, and newly-elected vice-president, Kamala Harris, he has offered the treasury secretary job to Jeff Bezos.
As Jill Biden stated, who better to run the financial department of the United States than the world’s richest man?
Harris agreed, adding that should the country get into a financial situation, Jeff would be able to bail us out with a loan in 10 minutes, and at zero percent interest.
An aide to Joe Biden says that all of his campaign workers and staffers-to-be were in complete agreement, and can hardly wait for the new president to open up the kid cages, get rid of the portrait of President Andrew "The Racist" Jackson, that sits in Trump's snack room, and start arresting white extremists.
Meanwhile, Jeff Bezos says he'll certainly consider the Treasury secretary position, although he'd be taking one hell of a pay cut.


thespoof--2020-11-26--Trump Finds A Way To Stay In The White House After Inauguration

Lame rat president , Donald Trump , has vowed to continue living in the White House after President-elect Joe Biden ’ s inauguration .
The affable Trump claims he has solid proof that the election was rigged .
He claims that 1 million illegal Mallard ducks voted via mail in ballots in the state of Michigan .
“ I have nothing against Mallard ducks voting in the US election , as long as they are legal raft , ” stated Trump .
“ But over a million illicit raft of ducks voted by mail in the state , which , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have been awarded the state ’ s 16 electorates .
This just goes to show you the fraud that exists with mail ballots .
Because of this , I will not be vacating the White House come January 20 of 2021.
” “ To ensure I don ’ t get forcibly removed , I will be supergluing myself to a wall in the Lincoln bedroom , which will make it impossible for me to get removed .
I like it here , I ’ m not ready to hand the keys over to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to use a whole lot of superglue , which will make the stock price go up significantly .
I would suggest everyone buy superglue stocks .
You will all be rich .
Superglue trades under the designation of ‘ dip ’ .
“ I ’ m thinking of having a golf course built on the South Lawn as well as a McDonalds .
I like Big Macs , I like them a lot .
I ’ m also thinking about putting a Starbucks in the West Wing .
As far as Melania goes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nail her to the floor of the Oval Office .
She is used to being walked on.
” When asked about how the Bidens will take to his actions , Trump replied : “ Sleepy Joe and his wife , Jill , will have to learn to live with the situation .
They will get to play on the golf course for free .
They will also get a few hundred McDonalds and Starbucks gift cards .
They will just lose use of the Lincoln bedroom , but that won ’ t be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ don ’ t have any friends to sleep over , because no one likes them because of their low IQs.
” As of press time , the Secret Service had come up with a plan on removing Trump from the White House which consists of them cutting out the wall where he is superglued , carrying him out the building , and placing him on the South Lawn at the first tee of the golf course .

Lame rat president, Donald Trump, has vowed to continue living in the White House after President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration. The affable Trump claims he has solid proof that the election was rigged. He claims that 1 million illegal Mallard ducks voted via mail in ballots in the state of Michigan.
“I have nothing against Mallard ducks voting in the US election, as long as they are legal raft,” stated Trump. “But over a million illicit raft of ducks voted by mail in the state, which, had they not voted, I would have been awarded the state’s 16 electorates. This just goes to show you the fraud that exists with mail ballots. Because of this, I will not be vacating the White House come January 20 of 2021.”
“To ensure I don’t get forcibly removed, I will be supergluing myself to a wall in the Lincoln bedroom, which will make it impossible for me to get removed. I like it here, I’m not ready to hand the keys over to Sleepy Joe. I’m going to use a whole lot of superglue, which will make the stock price go up significantly. I would suggest everyone buy superglue stocks. You will all be rich. Superglue trades under the designation of ‘dip’.
“I’m thinking of having a golf course built on the South Lawn as well as a McDonalds. I like Big Macs, I like them a lot. I’m also thinking about putting a Starbucks in the West Wing. As far as Melania goes, I’ll go ahead and nail her to the floor of the Oval Office. She is used to being walked on.”
When asked about how the Bidens will take to his actions, Trump replied: “Sleepy Joe and his wife, Jill, will have to learn to live with the situation. They will get to play on the golf course for free. They will also get a few hundred McDonalds and Starbucks gift cards. They will just lose use of the Lincoln bedroom, but that won’t be a problem for them, because they don’t have any friends to sleep over, because no one likes them because of their low IQs.”
As of press time, the Secret Service had come up with a plan on removing Trump from the White House which consists of them cutting out the wall where he is superglued, carrying him out the building, and placing him on the South Lawn at the first tee of the golf course.


thespoof--2020-11-25--Washington NFL Team, Formerly Redskins, Unveils New Name: "Elite Strike Force", Loses its Next 12 Ga

Washington NFL Team, Formerly Redskins, Unveils New Name: "Elite Strike Force", Loses its Next 12 Games

Washington D.C. - The football team in the nation 's capitol , formerly known as the Washington Redskins , decided @ @ @ @ @ Elite Strike Force '' when its owner , Trump supporter Daniel Snyder , heard the @ @ @ @ @ 's team of legal experts that the President had hired to reverse the results of @ @ @ @ @ , the name apparently did not help the attorneys win any of the dozens of @ @ @ @ @ battleground states , as they lost all of them .
The football team , sadly @ @ @ @ @ luck as Trump 's ragtag band of misfit lawyers , losing its next 12 NFL @ @ @ @ @ to review the name of the team as the season draws to a close .
@ @ @ @ @ become the Rudy Giuliani of the NFL next season , '' he said .

Washington D.C. - The football team in the nation's capitol, formerly known as the Washington Redskins, decided to adopt the name "Elite Strike Force" when its owner, Trump supporter Daniel Snyder, heard the moniker used by Donald Trump's team of legal experts that the President had hired to reverse the results of the U.S. election.
However, the name apparently did not help the attorneys win any of the dozens of cases they filed in various battleground states, as they lost all of them. The football team, sadly, had about as much luck as Trump's ragtag band of misfit lawyers, losing its next 12 NFL contests.
Snyder has decided to review the name of the team as the season draws to a close. "Don't want to become the Rudy Giuliani of the NFL next season," he said.


thespoof--2020-11-26--Utah authorities want to speak to the aliens that erected monolith

Utah Department of Public Safety officials are asking anyone with information about the aliens that erected a large silver monolith in a remote part of the desert to please come forward .
“ We ’ re asking anyone who may have seen a saucer-shaped object in the area to please contact us .
No tip is too insignificant .
Maybe you noticed some special markings , perhaps you got a license plate .
Whatever the case may be , if you saw an alien spacecraft or some weird-looking space dudes acting suspicious , then we want to hear from you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ those probably weren ’ t the alien dudes they ’ re looking for .
Let us decide that , ” said a department spokesperson .
Whoever or whatever installed the monolith damaged the land by cutting into the rock in which it rests .
Authorities are not disclosing the exact location of the monolith , fearing a curious public who may do further damage to the land , or possibly destroy Native American artifacts nearby .
“ A word of warning to the alien offenders : the area where the monolith was constructed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Bureau of Land Management , ” said the spokesperson .
“ I don ’ t care what planet or galaxy you ’ re from , you ’ ve violated the law of the United States of America , and you haven ’ t tasted justice until you ’ ve tasted American justice .
A nice comfy cell in the federal pokey awaits you , and let me tell ya , them boys in the pen know how to take care of little green men .
”

Utah Department of Public Safety officials are asking anyone with information about the aliens that erected a large silver monolith in a remote part of the desert to please come forward.
“We’re asking anyone who may have seen a saucer-shaped object in the area to please contact us. No tip is too insignificant. Maybe you noticed some special markings, perhaps you got a license plate. Whatever the case may be, if you saw an alien spacecraft or some weird-looking space dudes acting suspicious, then we want to hear from you. Don’t think, well those probably weren’t the alien dudes they’re looking for. Let us decide that,” said a department spokesperson.
Whoever or whatever installed the monolith damaged the land by cutting into the rock in which it rests. Authorities are not disclosing the exact location of the monolith, fearing a curious public who may do further damage to the land, or possibly destroy Native American artifacts nearby.
“A word of warning to the alien offenders: the area where the monolith was constructed is federal land and is protected by the Bureau of Land Management,” said the spokesperson. “I don’t care what planet or galaxy you’re from, you’ve violated the law of the United States of America, and you haven’t tasted justice until you’ve tasted American justice. A nice comfy cell in the federal pokey awaits you, and let me tell ya, them boys in the pen know how to take care of little green men.”


thespoof--2020-11-25--Now That President Trump Has Pardoned Michael Flynn - Ivanka, Eric, and Dopey (Donnie Jr.) Are Next

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – President Trump has decided to use one of his 700 ‘ Get Out of Jail Free ” cards to pardon Michael Flynn and keep him from becoming an inmate at Sing Sing Prison .
His press secretary , Kayleigh McEnany , has hinted that others who will also get “ pardons '' include his kids , Ivanka , Eric , and Junior .
Boom Boom News , has stated that , outside of the immediate family , anyone else in his staff , or in his political party will have to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 250,000 to receive a life-long pardon .
When told by several reporters that this was highly unethical , not to mention illegal , POTUS replied , “ So am I going to jail or what ?
” Yes , yes , yes , came the reply from three different reporters .
Trump was asked what his plans for Thanksgiving were .
He said that he and his third wife , Melania , are planning on having 800 of their closest friends over to the White Folks House , for a good old fashioned @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – President Trump has decided to use one of his 700 ‘Get Out of Jail Free” cards to pardon Michael Flynn and keep him from becoming an inmate at Sing Sing Prison.
His press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, has hinted that others who will also get “pardons" include his kids, Ivanka, Eric, and Junior.
Boom Boom News, has stated that, outside of the immediate family, anyone else in his staff, or in his political party will have to pay anywhere from $100,000 to $250,000 to receive a life-long pardon.
When told by several reporters that this was highly unethical, not to mention illegal, POTUS replied, “So am I going to jail or what?”
Yes, yes, yes, came the reply from three different reporters.
Trump was asked what his plans for Thanksgiving were. He said that he and his third wife, Melania, are planning on having 800 of their closest friends over to the White Folks House, for a good old fashioned Thanksgiving Dinner and pumpkin-bob.


thespoof--2020-11-25--So Long Trump, America Is Coming Back

So Long Trump, America Is Coming Back

In contrast to Donald Trump 's isolationist policy , President-elect Joe Biden ’ s nominee for Secretary of State Antony Blinken managed to shattered Trump ’ s policy during his introduction speech .
Secretary Blinken described his step-father 's experience at the end of World War II , after escaping a Nazi camp in Poland when he was a child .
He ran into the forest , heard the rumble of a tank approaching , and hid .
Seeing that the tank had a white five-pointed star , not a swastika , the boy stood , the hatch opened , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ His step-father spoke the only three English words his mother had taught him , `` God bless Americans . ''
America was there in the woods of Poland after the end of WWII , and despite Trump ’ s isolationist policy of America first , build the wall , herd immunity indifference , America is still here .
Isolationism is a rather shrinking violet point of view .
If a neighbor 's house is on fire , you help fight the fire , and that might prevent your house from catching fire .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Trump came down his escalator to call Mexicans rapists and murders and drug addicts but said there were some good Nazis .
He ridiculed Gold Star parents , belittled women , called Pelosi crazy , Hillary crooked , Kamala Harris a monster , and tried to steal the African American vote to claim he really won the presidential election .
He 's still working on that claim .
But like the African American who opened the tank hatch in Poland , African Americans , whose ancestors have been here long before Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out of office .
America is still here .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

In contrast to Donald Trump's isolationist policy, President-elect Joe Biden’s nominee for Secretary of State Antony Blinken managed to shattered Trump’s policy during his introduction speech. Secretary Blinken described his step-father's experience at the end of World War II, after escaping a Nazi camp in Poland when he was a child.
He ran into the forest, heard the rumble of a tank approaching, and hid. Seeing that the tank had a white five-pointed star, not a swastika, the boy stood, the hatch opened, and out came an African American. His step-father spoke the only three English words his mother had taught him, "God bless Americans."
America was there in the woods of Poland after the end of WWII, and despite Trump’s isolationist policy of America first, build the wall, herd immunity indifference, America is still here.
Isolationism is a rather shrinking violet point of view. If a neighbor's house is on fire, you help fight the fire, and that might prevent your house from catching fire. You don't pull down the shade.
Trump came down his escalator to call Mexicans rapists and murders and drug addicts but said there were some good Nazis. He ridiculed Gold Star parents, belittled women, called Pelosi crazy, Hillary crooked, Kamala Harris a monster, and tried to steal the African American vote to claim he really won the presidential election. He's still working on that claim.
But like the African American who opened the tank hatch in Poland, African Americans, whose ancestors have been here long before Trump’s family immigrated, voted Trump out of office. America is still here.
"God bless America!"
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-27--Lonely old f*ck invited to Biden White House following Thanksgiving behavior modeling

This week Mr. Biden appealed to the country to keep Thanksgiving small , very small , in order “ to snuff out the virus.
” It is now understood he was also seeking “ behavior models ” on this matter , and this has led to discovery of a LOF ready , willing , and able .
The following report is now viral across social media .
I have survived Thanksgiving Day totally alone !
The virus did not dare to attack !
First , very early , I stopped by my favorite outdoor restaurant for a brief snack , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ at 36 degrees .
I was not shivering as much as another oldster ( yes , at least six feet away at another table ) who fell off his chair .
An ambulance screamed up , with exhaust somewhat toxic over my scrambled eggs , but passing along five minutes later .
But no flies !
Too cold !
They hauled him away and I heard somebody shout , “ We wo n't let the corpses pile up here !
” Next , to my supermarket , people swarming and evacuating every shelf @ @ @ @ @ @ @ came screaming around the aisle I was in , cart going the wrong way !
I was down on the cold linoleum just like that !
Trampled .
.
.
somewhat .
But !
My rescue brings tears to my eyes .
The crowd pounded me on the back , the chest .
They gave me mask-to-mask resuscitation !
A manager , passing by , shouted : “ We wo n't let the corpses pile up in the aisles here !
” At last at home , I went about my celebration .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ eight , for the family members who would not be here .
I opened the curtains .
Let the sun shine in !
Glasses shining , big roast bird in the center , pumpkin pie , everything !
I lifted my glass , tears rolling down my cheeks .
I spoke aloud to the gathering , and did a little jig beside my chair !
Someone to share with me , break the isolation , a few moments of human warmth for a change ?
I rushed to the door !
Shame on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nearly overwhelmed with possibilities of friendship , humor , company !
No !
Someone out on the street had looked in !
I am now in a holding cell at my local precinct -- 5 x 9 , no seat on the toilet .
Te Salute !
My Governors !
My President !
I salute you !

This week Mr. Biden appealed to the country to keep Thanksgiving small, very small, in order “to snuff out the virus.”
It is now understood he was also seeking “behavior models” on this matter, and this has led to discovery of a LOF ready, willing, and able.
The following report is now viral across social media.
~~
I have survived Thanksgiving Day totally alone! The virus did not dare to attack!
My day!
First, very early, I stopped by my favorite outdoor restaurant for a brief snack, with the Propane Heaters humming and temperature at 36 degrees.
I was not shivering as much as another oldster (yes, at least six feet away at another table) who fell off his chair.
An ambulance screamed up, with exhaust somewhat toxic over my scrambled eggs, but passing along five minutes later.
But no flies! Too cold!
They hauled him away and I heard somebody shout, “We won't let the corpses pile up here!”
Next, to my supermarket, people swarming and evacuating every shelf they passed by!
An old lady came screaming around the aisle I was in, cart going the wrong way!
I was down on the cold linoleum just like that!
Trampled . . . somewhat. But! My rescue brings tears to my eyes. The crowd pounded me on the back, the chest. They gave me mask-to-mask resuscitation!
A manager, passing by, shouted: “We won't let the corpses pile up in the aisles here!”
At last at home, I went about my celebration.
I set out a magnificent table for eight, for the family members who would not be here.
I opened the curtains. Let the sun shine in!
Glasses shining, big roast bird in the center, pumpkin pie, everything!
I lifted my glass, tears rolling down my cheeks.
I spoke aloud to the gathering, and did a little jig beside my chair!
Gratitude! Love! Happiness! Everything!
Suddenly, a knock on the door?
Someone to share with me, break the isolation, a few moments of human warmth for a change?
I rushed to the door! Shame on me, oh Shame!
I was nearly overwhelmed with possibilities of friendship, humor, company!
The cops!
No! Someone out on the street had looked in!
Snitched! Gathering too large!
I am now in a holding cell at my local precinct--5 x 9, no seat on the toilet.
Nevertheless . . .
Te Salute! My Governors! My President! I salute you!


thespoof--2020-11-27--Biden to Give a Free Puppy to Every Illegal Immigrant

In a pledge to the American people that has shocked political observers , President-elect Joe Biden has committed to giving a free Labrador puppy to all illegal immigrants caught crossing into America through Mexico .
“ These poor people have been demonized by the last administration , and I want to put things right by them , ” said a granite-faced Biden from his gas-proof , bullet-proof , germ-proof underground bunker beneath the kitchen in his underground home / dungeon , “ Our nation was built by immigrants who arrived here uninvited , pushed the indigenous owners off their land @ @ @ @ @ @ @ them our diseases , and then made fun of their feathered hats .
I want to maintain this tradition .
It ’ s the American dream .
So , America , be prepared .
No doubt , before the end of my first term , the country will have been renamed Amexica.
” But why the puppies ?
When pressed for an answer on this by the cub reporter from the UK comic ‘ The Beano ’ , Biden snapped , “ To save the environment , you dunce !
” Biden went @ @ @ @ @ @ @ very existence was under threat from global warming .
As these puppies grew , they would extract carbon from the atmosphere so aeroplanes could once again fill the skies with impunity .
When it was pointed out by the journalist from the UK gardening magazine ‘ Thyme ’ that a growing endoskeletal creature such as a Labrador puppy played no role in reducing carbon dioxide to the atmosphere , in fact the opposite , Biden barked ( no pun intended ) , “ Do you work for Trump ?
Was the frickin ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It is understood that a contract worth $ 20bn has been placed with a Falkland Islands kennel for an undisclosed number of Labrador puppies .
It is also understood that there are no Labrador breeders on the Falkland Islands .
However , Biden ’ s son Hunter owns a small holiday cottage there .

In a pledge to the American people that has shocked political observers, President-elect Joe Biden has committed to giving a free Labrador puppy to all illegal immigrants caught crossing into America through Mexico.
“These poor people have been demonized by the last administration, and I want to put things right by them,” said a granite-faced Biden from his gas-proof, bullet-proof, germ-proof underground bunker beneath the kitchen in his underground home / dungeon, “Our nation was built by immigrants who arrived here uninvited, pushed the indigenous owners off their land, herded them onto reservations, gave them our diseases, and then made fun of their feathered hats. I want to maintain this tradition. It’s the American dream. So, America, be prepared. No doubt, before the end of my first term, the country will have been renamed Amexica.”
But why the puppies? When pressed for an answer on this by the cub reporter from the UK comic ‘The Beano’, Biden snapped, “To save the environment, you dunce!”
Biden went on to say that mankind’s very existence was under threat from global warming. As these puppies grew, they would extract carbon from the atmosphere so aeroplanes could once again fill the skies with impunity.
When it was pointed out by the journalist from the UK gardening magazine ‘Thyme’ that a growing endoskeletal creature such as a Labrador puppy played no role in reducing carbon dioxide to the atmosphere, in fact the opposite, Biden barked (no pun intended), “Do you work for Trump? Was the frickin’ wall contract heading your way?”
It is understood that a contract worth $20bn has been placed with a Falkland Islands kennel for an undisclosed number of Labrador puppies. It is also understood that there are no Labrador breeders on the Falkland Islands. However, Biden’s son Hunter owns a small holiday cottage there.


thespoof--2020-11-27--Joe Biden Agrees To Meet With Vladimir Putin

DOVER , Delaware – ( Satire News ) – Vox Populi says that President-Elect Joe Biden is wasting no time @ @ @ @ @ the US-Russia differences , and has agreed to meet with Russia ’ s President Putin @ @ @ @ @ meeting will take place in Las Vegas , since Putin says he loves playing Blackjack @ @ @ @ @ and eyeing sexy 6-foot-tall Vegas showgirls .
Biden says he likes going to Vegas for @ @ @ @ @ According to a Biden aide , the two world leaders will talk about Global Warming @ @ @ @ @ tapes , and the skyrocketing price of Russian Dressing .
Reports are that Putin also @ @ @ @ @ some stock in the American pharma giant , Pfizer .
The Russian leader also asked @ @ @ @ @ so that he can have dinner with his favorite American TV actress , Sofia Vergara @ @ @ @ @ reportedly agreed not to mention anything about Trump , other than the fact that they @ @ @ @ @ starting to look like he 's 97 .

DOVER, Delaware – (Satire News) – Vox Populi says that President-Elect Joe Biden is wasting no time in trying to patch up the US-Russia differences, and has agreed to meet with Russia’s President Putin in February.
The planned meeting will take place in Las Vegas, since Putin says he loves playing Blackjack, the roulette wheel, and eyeing sexy 6-foot-tall Vegas showgirls.
Biden says he likes going to Vegas for the fantastic Guacamole Dip.
According to a Biden aide, the two world leaders will talk about Global Warming, Trump’s pee-pee tapes, and the skyrocketing price of Russian Dressing.
Reports are that Putin also wants to see about purchasing some stock in the American pharma giant, Pfizer.
The Russian leader also asked Biden to work it out so that he can have dinner with his favorite American TV actress, Sofia Vergara.
The two leaders have reportedly agreed not to mention anything about Trump, other than the fact that they both agree that he's starting to look like he's 97.


thespoof--2020-11-27--President Trump is Excited About Implementing a Federal Traveling Firing Squad

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A White House insider has revealed that Melania Trump is extremely upset at her husband , because he wants to make a Presidential Executive Order that would allow the U.S. government to shoot prisoners , instead of putting them in the gas chamber or in the electric chair .
She asked her husband why he would want to do such a cruel thing , and he replied , because bullets are not that expensive compared to electricity or gas .
Her husband then allegedly told her that his boys , Eric @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who are both big game hunters , have begged him to put them on what will be a Federal Traveling Firing Squad .
Meanwhile , Trump ’ s main attorney , Rudy “ The Human Candle ” Giuliani , suggested to the President that a much better way of executing the convicts would be to simply poison them .
Giuliani added that he put the pencil to paper and figured that the cost of the execution would come out to just 45 cents per prisoner , plus it would be a whole lot @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A White House insider has revealed that Melania Trump is extremely upset at her husband, because he wants to make a Presidential Executive Order that would allow the U.S. government to shoot prisoners, instead of putting them in the gas chamber or in the electric chair.
She asked her husband why he would want to do such a cruel thing, and he replied, because bullets are not that expensive compared to electricity or gas.
Her husband then allegedly told her that his boys, Eric and Dopey (Don Jr.), who are both big game hunters, have begged him to put them on what will be a Federal Traveling Firing Squad.
Meanwhile, Trump’s main attorney, Rudy “The Human Candle” Giuliani, suggested to the President that a much better way of executing the convicts would be to simply poison them.
Giuliani added that he put the pencil to paper and figured that the cost of the execution would come out to just 45 cents per prisoner, plus it would be a whole lot quieter.


thespoof--2020-11-27--A White House Insider Reveals Trump Will Flee the Country on January 19

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A highly-respected White House insider has overheard President Trump telling Michael Flynn and Kayleigh McEnany , that there is no way on earth he is going to go to prison .
POTUS , who is in deep shit , as they say down in Georgia , has already made arrangements to flee the United States on January 19 , the day before Joe Biden ’ s inauguration .
In fact , Trump is going to flee to Scotland , and Melania and Barron are moving to Slovenia .
Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and Eric plan to stay in the United States for the time being , but iRumors is saying , that they could all very well end up in the big iron bar hotel .
Eric has already told Sean Hannity that he has very long fingernails , and is not worried , because he knows he can claw his way out of any prison - except , maybe , for Alcatraz .
He quickly added that Alcatraz is an island , and he ’ s afraid of sharks , jellyfish , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has already made sure that the town in Scotland that he is fleeing to , has at least one McDonalds .
Meanwhile , in a non-related story , Kanye West says he ’ s seriously thinking about running for mayor of Skunk Spray , Kentucky .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A highly-respected White House insider has overheard President Trump telling Michael Flynn and Kayleigh McEnany, that there is no way on earth he is going to go to prison.
POTUS, who is in deep shit, as they say down in Georgia, has already made arrangements to flee the United States on January 19, the day before Joe Biden’s inauguration.
In fact, Trump is going to flee to Scotland, and Melania and Barron are moving to Slovenia.
Trump’s dysfunctional kids, Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and Eric plan to stay in the United States for the time being, but iRumors is saying, that they could all very well end up in the big iron bar hotel.
Eric has already told Sean Hannity that he has very long fingernails, and is not worried, because he knows he can claw his way out of any prison - except, maybe, for Alcatraz.
He quickly added that Alcatraz is an island, and he’s afraid of sharks, jellyfish, and certain types of minnows.
The President has already made sure that the town in Scotland that he is fleeing to, has at least one McDonalds.
Meanwhile, in a non-related story, Kanye West says he’s seriously thinking about running for mayor of Skunk Spray, Kentucky.


thespoof--2020-11-28--Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US

Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump , his candidate in the US 2020 election , Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US .
The company produces and sells puppets in the main , but also does a number of other novelty items .
These include a mechanical sex-droid called Mekanika , and jellybeans in the shape of Xi Jinping .
“ I was gutted when Donnie-boy screwed up the 2020 election by being hated by more people than those dumb enough to worship him .
So , I decided to quit American politics and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , this way , I can simulate the one-on-one scrap I was manipulating Trump and Xi towards having , using the puppets.
” However , the new pop-up toy business isn ’ t good news to everyone in America .
There has been an angry reaction from some quarters , not least being that from the President ’ s daughter /wife Ivanka .
“ It ’ s disgraceful that Biden will allow this company to operate in America , ” snapped Ivanka from her new high-class pop-up novelty sex toy shop in downtown @ @ @ @ @ @ @ range of Mekanikas boxed up and ready to go .
Also , my puppets are entirely naked and perfect in every detail , if you know what I mean .
Daddy ’ s ‘ hands ’ are actual size as well .
Admittedly , all my stock was manufactured in the same Vietnamese sweatshops Putin used , but still .
If anyone is to make a bundle out of selling sex toys and puppet effigies of ex-presidents , it should be an American !
” Chinese president Xi Jinping commented , “ I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and a case of jelly beans , but hold the sex-bot .
I never liked the woman .
”

Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelty items. These include a mechanical sex-droid called Mekanika, and jellybeans in the shape of Xi Jinping.
“I was gutted when Donnie-boy screwed up the 2020 election by being hated by more people than those dumb enough to worship him. So, I decided to quit American politics and set up this business. At least, this way, I can simulate the one-on-one scrap I was manipulating Trump and Xi towards having, using the puppets.”
However, the new pop-up toy business isn’t good news to everyone in America. There has been an angry reaction from some quarters, not least being that from the President’s daughter /wife Ivanka.
“It’s disgraceful that Biden will allow this company to operate in America,” snapped Ivanka from her new high-class pop-up novelty sex toy shop in downtown Manhattan. “I had my own range of Mekanikas boxed up and ready to go. Also, my puppets are entirely naked and perfect in every detail, if you know what I mean. Daddy’s ‘hands’ are actual size as well. Admittedly, all my stock was manufactured in the same Vietnamese sweatshops Putin used, but still. If anyone is to make a bundle out of selling sex toys and puppet effigies of ex-presidents, it should be an American!”
Chinese president Xi Jinping commented, “I’ll take a couple of puppets and a case of jelly beans, but hold the sex-bot. I never liked the woman.”


thespoof--2020-11-28--Trump Hates His New Nickname #Loser

Trump Hates His New Nickname #Loser

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump ’ s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media , who have given him a new nickname : # Loser .
He insists that he really did not lose , he just didn ’ t win .
And he is quick to point out that he did come in second , ahead of Kanye West , Sponge Bob Square Pants , Rob Gronkowski , and Dora The Explorer .
When asked by reporters if @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that he lost the presidential election , the President became extremely mad , and asked if Ann Coulter , Celine Dion , or Olive Oyl , would ever admit that they ’ re anorexic .
A reporter with Fox News asked him to answer the damn question without deflecting , diverting , or sidetracking as he has for the entire 4 years he 's been in office .
Trump started jumping up and down , and yelling for a Secret Service agent to escort the reporter off the property , and to get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ could have his tax returns scrutinized .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Vox Populi is reporting that several of President Trump’s golfing buddies are making fun of the fact that he is livid at the media, who have given him a new nickname: #Loser.
He insists that he really did not lose, he just didn’t win. And he is quick to point out that he did come in second, ahead of Kanye West, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Rob Gronkowski, and Dora The Explorer.
When asked by reporters if he’d ever accept the fact that he lost the presidential election, the President became extremely mad, and asked if Ann Coulter, Celine Dion, or Olive Oyl, would ever admit that they’re anorexic.
A reporter with Fox News asked him to answer the damn question without deflecting, diverting, or sidetracking as he has for the entire 4 years he's been in office.
Trump started jumping up and down, and yelling for a Secret Service agent to escort the reporter off the property, and to get his social security number so that he could have his tax returns scrutinized.


thespoof--2020-11-29--Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News

Media Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News

The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets .
New York Times Company , owner of the New York Times ( duh ) lost 25 % of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually every media stock—NBC , CNN etc .
Stock analyst , Eda Fication said that the precipitous drop in media stocks was due to a realization that Trump was really going to be gone , and that , without him , news would go back to what it was before—boring .
“ We are looking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ president Harold Angel said .
“ Boring news leads to fewer viewers and less ad dollars , plus with the Coronavirus vaccine just around the corner , our TV audience is no longer going to sit around watching the drivel , I mean , content we put out.
” Eda had also spoken with Rachel Maddow , who was bemoaning yet another story about Biden ’ s cabinet picks .
“ How can I do anything with Janet Yellen as Treasury Secretary ?
” Rachel whined , “ Not only is that a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you seen a photo of Janet ?
She looks like everybody ’ s grandmother !
” The Fox network acted quickly to the media meltdown .
As Fox stock started to drift downward , Sean Hannity held a press conference with Fox investors , saying , “ What makes you think we are going to stop talking about Trump ?
Tonight I ’ m going to bring 25 dead people and their Wisconsin ballots onto the show .
We have video of the Democrats driving hearses to the polling stations .
We ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Smartmatic voting machine turning every Donald Trump vote into a vote for Joe Biden .
We have a truckload of affidavits from angry white men saying they saw black people vote in a white suburb.
” As Sean got more and more excited , a trickle of a dark substance ran slowly down his face from his sideburns , and Fox stock continued its downward plunge .

The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually every media stock—NBC, CNN etc. Stock analyst, Eda Fication said that the precipitous drop in media stocks was due to a realization that Trump was really going to be gone, and that, without him, news would go back to what it was before—boring.
“We are looking at a double whammy,” NBC president Harold Angel said. “Boring news leads to fewer viewers and less ad dollars, plus with the Coronavirus vaccine just around the corner, our TV audience is no longer going to sit around watching the drivel, I mean, content we put out.”
Eda had also spoken with Rachel Maddow, who was bemoaning yet another story about Biden’s cabinet picks. “How can I do anything with Janet Yellen as Treasury Secretary?” Rachel whined, “Not only is that a boring, predictable pick, but have you seen a photo of Janet? She looks like everybody’s grandmother!”
The Fox network acted quickly to the media meltdown. As Fox stock started to drift downward, Sean Hannity held a press conference with Fox investors, saying, “What makes you think we are going to stop talking about Trump? Tonight I’m going to bring 25 dead people and their Wisconsin ballots onto the show. We have video of the Democrats driving hearses to the polling stations. We’ll have a live demonstration of a Smartmatic voting machine turning every Donald Trump vote into a vote for Joe Biden. We have a truckload of affidavits from angry white men saying they saw black people vote in a white suburb.” As Sean got more and more excited, a trickle of a dark substance ran slowly down his face from his sideburns, and Fox stock continued its downward plunge.


thespoof--2020-11-29--Justices React to Voter Fraud Case

Justices React to Voter Fraud Case

In an unsigned opinion , the Supreme Court today rejected the Trump legal team 's request for an appeal of @ @ @ @ @ .
While unsigned opinions generally leave the public in the dark about the Court 's @ @ @ @ @ and a photo were leaked to major news outlets , perhaps with the intent of @ @ @ @ @ What I do n't understand is how you can have the balls to appeal after @ @ @ @ @ of your lawyers ! ''
indicated a voice thought to be Thomas .
`` You @ @ @ @ @ with , if you are n't embarrassed by a lack of evidence , you ca @ @ @ @ @ federal judge cutting those balls off ! ''
indicated who we think is Kavanaugh .
@ @ @ @ @ ? ''
said Barrett , in that squeaky voice .
`` Shut up ! ''
@ @ @ @

The Swedes are burning books again … and I must take serious issue with this issue! Sure, one could say that any god who worries Him- or Itself over the burning of His book is no god at all. Aren’t gods bigger than their holy books? Apparently not…


thespoof--2020-11-29--Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner

Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner

President Trump 's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner .
Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud .
The lower courts universally rejected Trump 's claims of voter fraud as `` frivolous '' , `` unsubstantiated '' , `` laughable '' , `` foolish '' , `` drivel '' , and `` cockamamie '' .
The Supreme Court ruled 6 to 3 that lower courts were being too generous .
The opinion , written by newly-appointed justice Amy Coney Barrett , stated that , `` I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that soon we will be able to protect the wealthy in this country with phony originalist arguments , but for now , Donald Trump , winner we gon na get rid of you ?
Now !
” In a dissenting opinion , Justice Kagan stated that the lower courts had done their job , and it was judicial overreach to egg them on like that .
In addition , she stated , “ It would be more correct to say , Donald Trump , winner we gon na get rid of you and @ @ @ @ @ @ @

President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud.
The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of voter fraud as "frivolous", "unsubstantiated", "laughable", "foolish", "drivel", and "cockamamie". The Supreme Court ruled 6 to 3 that lower courts were being too generous. The opinion, written by newly-appointed justice Amy Coney Barrett, stated that, "I know he appointed me and I know that soon we will be able to protect the wealthy in this country with phony originalist arguments, but for now, Donald Trump, winner we gonna get rid of you? Now!”
In a dissenting opinion, Justice Kagan stated that the lower courts had done their job, and it was judicial overreach to egg them on like that. In addition, she stated, “It would be more correct to say, Donald Trump, winner we gonna get rid of you and all your kids? Now!”
Rudy Guiliani said, “Huh?”


thespoof--2020-12-01--Obama slated to take long vacation

Obama slated to take long vacation

President Obama , worn out from running the shadow government , is planning an extended vacation , now that a @ @ @ @ @ been “ elected ” .
Rumor has it that the US government will pay all @ @ @ @ @ for Obama during his hard-earned vacation .
Of course , Mrs. Obama will probably be @ @ @ @ @ Not sure where he will end up , China has been ruled out due to @ @ @ @ @ may take singing lessons during his vacation , as well as swimming lessons .
People @ @ @ @ @ his memoirs as well as make some videos , all sure to be of historical @ @ @ @ @ this link - click here .

Washington DC Swamp.
President Obama, worn out from running the shadow government, is planning an extended vacation, now that a “real” president has been “elected”.
Rumor has it that the US government will pay all expenses and provide maximum security for Obama during his hard-earned vacation. Of course, Mrs. Obama will probably be invited along as well.
Not sure where he will end up, China has been ruled out due to national security concerns.
Obama may take singing lessons during his vacation, as well as swimming lessons. People are encouraging him to write his memoirs as well as make some videos, all sure to be of historical interest.
More details at this link - click here.


thespoof--2020-11-30--Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows

There was mounting tension in Washington today , as , after his accident on Saturday , when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs , his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensure that he avoids similar , potentially life-threatening , accidents in the future .
Mr. Biden , 78 , was frolicking on his lawn with Major , when his ankle was twisted , and a subsequent CT Scan showed two hairline fractures of his right foot , the one he kicked Trump 's ass with .
Doctors @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but will have to wear a support boot for a while .
With lightning speed , his medical staff leapt into action , removing anything that could be seen as a threat to his health .
One , who wished to remain nameless , gave a brief run-down of items affected thus far : Mr. Biden will write with a blunt pencil , to avoid blinding himself with a sharp one .
He will be supplied with a fixed-nib ballpoint pen , so that he does not injure his thumb operating the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ entire footwear collection - including bedroom slippers - will be replaced with a range of industrial workboots with steel toe-caps , so that he will not stub his toes and risk potential amputations .
Mr. Biden 's underwear is to be lined with cotton wool , so that he does n't chafe or irritate his buttocks , rectal area , or testicles .
The White House trash buckets are to be removed , just in case he kicks one of them .
Staff say they are worried that , with even the most @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Biden , who , at such an advanced age and with a such a high susceptibility to injury , might not be able to take up the office of president .
Biden 's other dog , Champ , is to be castrated for reasons not given .

There was mounting tension in Washington today, as, after his accident on Saturday, when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs, his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensure that he avoids similar, potentially life-threatening, accidents in the future.
Mr. Biden, 78, was frolicking on his lawn with Major, when his ankle was twisted, and a subsequent CT Scan showed two hairline fractures of his right foot, the one he kicked Trump's ass with.
Doctors say he will make a full recovery, but will have to wear a support boot for a while.
With lightning speed, his medical staff leapt into action, removing anything that could be seen as a threat to his health.
One, who wished to remain nameless, gave a brief run-down of items affected thus far:
Mr. Biden will write with a blunt pencil, to avoid blinding himself with a sharp one.
He will be supplied with a fixed-nib ballpoint pen, so that he does not injure his thumb operating the 'open/shut' mechanism.
The President's entire footwear collection - including bedroom slippers - will be replaced with a range of industrial workboots with steel toe-caps, so that he will not stub his toes and risk potential amputations.
Mr. Biden's underwear is to be lined with cotton wool, so that he doesn't chafe or irritate his buttocks, rectal area, or testicles.
The White House trash buckets are to be removed, just in case he kicks one of them.
Staff say they are worried that, with even the most mundane objects proving to be killers-in-waiting for Mr. Biden, who, at such an advanced age and with a such a high susceptibility to injury, might not be able to take up the office of president.
Biden's other dog, Champ, is to be castrated for reasons not given.


thespoof--2020-11-30--Trump Rails At Judges As They Reject His Voter Fraud Claims

Court after court , or judge after judge is rejecting Donald Trump ’ s claims of voter fraud .
Imagine !
It ’ s either a vast Judicial conspiracy or Trump doesn ’ t have a leg or false vote to stand on .
And the courts were so terrific about not releasing his tax or financial records .
In Wisconsin , Trump paid $ 3 million for a voter recount , but Joe Biden came up with an additional 132 vote gain , further solidifying his win .
That must have been a bitter $ 3 million piece of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump ’ s lawyers wanted the Pennsylvania Supreme Court to throw out 2.5 million mail-in votes , saying they were unconstitutional .
The judges argued that if Trump ’ s lawyers had constitutional concerns about mail-in voting , they should have filed their complaint before the general election , and not afterward , when they saw their client , Trump , had lost the state of Pennsylvania .
They go on : “ It is not our role to lend legitimacy to such transparent and untimely efforts to subvert the will of Pennsylvania @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s lawyers were mopped off the floor .
Desperate to prove he was done wrong , Trump called into the only ear willing to listen , Fox News , and sobbed for close to an hour about the injustice of being unable to switch the results of an election he lost , and make baseless claims of fraud .
An amazing footnote about the 2020 election is not that Trump lost , but that Trump received close to 74 million votes .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Amazon.com

Court after court, or judge after judge is rejecting Donald Trump’s claims of voter fraud. Imagine! It’s either a vast Judicial conspiracy or Trump doesn’t have a leg or false vote to stand on. And the courts were so terrific about not releasing his tax or financial records.
In Wisconsin, Trump paid $3 million for a voter recount, but Joe Biden came up with an additional 132 vote gain, further solidifying his win.
That must have been a bitter $3 million piece of chocolate cake for Trump to swallow.
Trump’s lawyers wanted the Pennsylvania Supreme Court to throw out 2.5 million mail-in votes, saying they were unconstitutional.
Ho, hum, fiddly dee.
The judges argued that if Trump’s lawyers had constitutional concerns about mail-in voting, they should have filed their complaint before the general election, and not afterward, when they saw their client, Trump, had lost the state of Pennsylvania.
Aye, ya, ya! Aren’t those men in black great?
They go on: “It is not our role to lend legitimacy to such transparent and untimely efforts to subvert the will of Pennsylvania voters.”
Amen! And Trump’s lawyers were mopped off the floor.
Desperate to prove he was done wrong, Trump called into the only ear willing to listen, Fox News, and sobbed for close to an hour about the injustice of being unable to switch the results of an election he lost, and make baseless claims of fraud.
An amazing footnote about the 2020 election is not that Trump lost, but that Trump received close to 74 million votes.
Go figure.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-29--Alabama Releases Over 8,000 Prisoners in Just One Day

MONTGOMERY , Alabama – ( Satire News ) – President Trump is taking credit for releasing 8,000 Alabama inmates into the general population .
His base is foaming at the mouth , and asking him if he has lost his senses , or if is he already working on getting the 2024 black vote .
The director of Alabama prisons , Cyrus “ The Whip ” Whippensteen , told RumorLand News , that , of the 8,000 prisoners , 79.3 % are black or half-black .
When asked why he released so many convicts , he replied that there were @ @ @ @ @ @ @ He pointed out that , for one , inmates were having to double-up and even triple-up in a bed ; that can never be a good thing , especially for skinny white prisoners .
Secondly , he stated that the prison system had run into a shortage of underwear , which was caused by the cotton shortage due to the damn cottonball-eating boll weevils .
And thirdly , he found that there was just way too much intimate co-mingling going on between the effeminate prisoners and the prison guards .
Whipensteen divulged that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ talk to the inmates about family values , keeping a job , cutting back on wine-drinking , and promising to vote for him in 2024 .
The warden stated that he told Trump that he ’ ll hold a cell for him .

MONTGOMERY, Alabama – (Satire News) – President Trump is taking credit for releasing 8,000 Alabama inmates into the general population.
His base is foaming at the mouth, and asking him if he has lost his senses, or if is he already working on getting the 2024 black vote.
The director of Alabama prisons, Cyrus “The Whip” Whippensteen, told RumorLand News, that, of the 8,000 prisoners, 79.3% are black or half-black.
When asked why he released so many convicts, he replied that there were several reasons that came into play.
He pointed out that, for one, inmates were having to double-up and even triple-up in a bed; that can never be a good thing, especially for skinny white prisoners.
Secondly, he stated that the prison system had run into a shortage of underwear, which was caused by the cotton shortage due to the damn cottonball-eating boll weevils.
And thirdly, he found that there was just way too much intimate co-mingling going on between the effeminate prisoners and the prison guards.
Whipensteen divulged that Trump wanted to visit his prison and talk to the inmates about family values, keeping a job, cutting back on wine-drinking, and promising to vote for him in 2024.
The warden stated that he told Trump that he’ll hold a cell for him.


thespoof--2020-12-01--Iowa Evangelicals Demand That The Word 'Fuck' Be Banned

DES MOINES , Iowa - ( Satire News ) – Thousands of Iowa evangelicals have made it known that they are sick and tired of so many of its citizens using the word “ fuck ” or its derivatives such as “ fuck it ” , or “ that ’ s fucked up ” , or “ Trump ’ s a ‘ fucking ’ asshole ” .
Rev .
Gersham W. Bramblemoon , of Dubuque ’ s Church of Early Rising Cornshuckers , remarked that the Iowa senate is expected to vote on the amendment when it gets back from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of the ACLU heard about the evangelicals ' bellyaching , and pointed out that using the “ F ” word has now become as common as using the “ D ” word , or the “ P ” word or even the “ O ” word .
The ACLU rep said that if the “ E ” folks really want to concern themselves with something important , it should be with climate change , and the fact that , this year , the United States had 117 fucking hurricanes , not to mention @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fucking tsunamis .
In Other News - The White House is reporting that the rat that bit Eric Trump 's tallywacker in the Oval Office bathroom has tested negative for the Trumpapalooza virus .

DES MOINES, Iowa - (Satire News) – Thousands of Iowa evangelicals have made it known that they are sick and tired of so many of its citizens using the word “fuck” or its derivatives such as “fuck it”, or “that’s fucked up”, or “Trump’s a ‘fucking’ asshole”.
Rev. Gersham W. Bramblemoon, of Dubuque’s Church of Early Rising Cornshuckers, remarked that the Iowa senate is expected to vote on the amendment when it gets back from being on effen vacation.
A member of the ACLU heard about the evangelicals' bellyaching, and pointed out that using the “F” word has now become as common as using the “D” word, or the “P” word or even the “O” word.
The ACLU rep said that if the “E” folks really want to concern themselves with something important, it should be with climate change, and the fact that, this year, the United States had 117 fucking hurricanes, not to mention 93 fucking forest fires, and 4 fucking tsunamis.
In Other News - The White House is reporting that the rat that bit Eric Trump's tallywacker in the Oval Office bathroom has tested negative for the Trumpapalooza virus.


thespoof--2020-11-30--Donald Trump's Guide to Hot Desking

Donald Trump's Guide to Hot Desking

Hello there , my fellow people of the world .
If you are anything like me , 2020 has brought @ @ @ @ @ .
Big changes , the best changes , but only I had a rigged election @ @ @ @ @ November .
Now , the fake news media have been spreading a picture of me @ @ @ @ @ .
It is all part of my plan though , I have the best plans @ @ @ @ @ genius ideas .
Everybody would expect the American president to have a big desk .
@ @ @ @ @ not me .
Everybody wants the big desk , so if I have the big @ @ @ @ @ to move on , but if I have a small desk , I can just @ @ @ @ @ .
As I said , I am a genius , and I have the best @ @

Hello there, my fellow people of the world.
If you are anything like me, 2020 has brought massive changes to your life. Big changes, the best changes, but only I had a rigged election ruining my golf game and November.
Now, the fake news media have been spreading a picture of me at a very small desk. It is all part of my plan though, I have the best plans, and the most stable genius ideas.
Everybody would expect the American president to have a big desk. The biggest desk, but not me. Everybody wants the big desk, so if I have the big desk, everyone wants me to move on, but if I have a small desk, I can just get on with my work.
As I said, I am a genius, and I have the best desk.


thespoof--2020-11-30--Donald Trump set to pardon the A Team

Donald Trump set to pardon the A Team

It is wildly believed that , in one of his final acts as American president , Donald Trump plans to pardon the A-Team .
The fictional television character saw the documentary in the 1970s and was always concerned about what would happen to Face , Hannibal , Howling Mad Murdoch and Mr T. ' I always wanted to know what happened to them , all of that fighting , all of the tight spots they found themselves in , and never a hair out of place .
Like myself , I suppose .
I mean , I have had a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sleepy Joe , people stealing my election etc.
, and I always wondered what The A-Team might do to help me .
What was it they said ?
If you have a problem , if no one else can help , and if you can find them ... .maybe you can hire The A-Team . ''
Donald Trump has claimed that he watched the X Files for the stirring storylines and to cheer on the Cigarette-Smoking Man .
Most men watched it for Gillian Anderson .
When asked , Mr T said ' @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ...
I pity the fool . '

It is wildly believed that, in one of his final acts as American president, Donald Trump plans to pardon the A-Team.
The fictional television character saw the documentary in the 1970s and was always concerned about what would happen to Face, Hannibal, Howling Mad Murdoch and Mr T.
'I always wanted to know what happened to them, all of that fighting, all of the tight spots they found themselves in, and never a hair out of place. Like myself, I suppose. I mean, I have had a few problems, with crooked Hillary, Sleepy Joe, people stealing my election etc., and I always wondered what The A-Team might do to help me. What was it they said? If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team."
Donald Trump has claimed that he watched the X Files for the stirring storylines and to cheer on the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Most men watched it for Gillian Anderson.
When asked, Mr T said 'I ain't getting on no plane...I pity the fool.'


thespoof--2020-12-02--Trump to Pardon Matt Gaetz From Any Pending Charges That He’s an Annoying Tool

Washington - President Donald Trump , on his way out of the White House after being defeated by Joe Biden , has pardoned a number of his political cronies including , recently , formerly National Security Advisor Michael Flynn .
He is also considering pardoning himself and a number of his family members from any possible charges after he leaves office .
Trump also has a long list of possible pardons at his disposal including Florida Representative Matt Gaetz .
The second-term Congressman distinguished himself in the last few years by pulling off some of the weirdest behavior attributable to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ While sponsoring little important legislation , Gaetz managed to perform a long list of bizarre acts , including storming a closed impeachment hearing at which members of his own party were already present , and showing up at a committee hearing ( he was n't a member of the committee ) involving former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen , and just staring at the witness , sending somewhat threatening tweets about Cohen , and other strange actions .
`` Gaetz is a weird guy , '' said Trump .
`` Better put him on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ''

Washington - President Donald Trump, on his way out of the White House after being defeated by Joe Biden, has pardoned a number of his political cronies including, recently, formerly National Security Advisor Michael Flynn. He is also considering pardoning himself and a number of his family members from any possible charges after he leaves office.
Trump also has a long list of possible pardons at his disposal including Florida Representative Matt Gaetz. The second-term Congressman distinguished himself in the last few years by pulling off some of the weirdest behavior attributable to any Trump supporter in the government. While sponsoring little important legislation, Gaetz managed to perform a long list of bizarre acts, including storming a closed impeachment hearing at which members of his own party were already present, and showing up at a committee hearing (he wasn't a member of the committee) involving former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, and just staring at the witness, sending somewhat threatening tweets about Cohen, and other strange actions.
"Gaetz is a weird guy," said Trump. "Better put him on the list - you never know."


thespoof--2020-12-02--Match.com Profile Wins Pulitzer for Fiction; Ransom Note Wins for Poetry

NEW YORK – The 2020 Pulitzer Prize winners were announced today , and among the Fiction and Poetry categories were two surprises .
In the fiction category , the match.com profile of Dennis Snead of Burlington , Wisconsin , was selected for its ‘ innovative look at the world of romance ’ .
Pulitzer chairman Pearl Nobbit complimented the profile as ‘ a surreal account of the life of the everyday man .
Playing the games we are forced into in this modern day world of dating will take a toll on a man , and it is front and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ crafted the fact that he lives with his parents as ‘ caring for the elderly ’ .
He turned his lottery addiction into ‘ contributor to education ’ .
Finally , he lists himself as an ‘ antique curator ’ in describing his Star Wars Pez collection .
Also a surprise , was the ransom note for 10-year-old Willy Blodgett .
‘ Most of the ransom notes that you find these days are hastily-scrawled demands for money , and threats to the victim , ’ said Nobbit .
‘ Willy ’ s note @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ‘ abbaabba ’ rhyme scheme in the first eight lines , and the controversial ‘ cdedce ’ rhyming scheme in the last 6 lines.
’ The fact that Willy was safely returned to his parents seems to have helped the case for the poet .

NEW YORK – The 2020 Pulitzer Prize winners were announced today, and among the Fiction and Poetry categories were two surprises.
In the fiction category, the match.com profile of Dennis Snead of Burlington, Wisconsin, was selected for its ‘innovative look at the world of romance’. Pulitzer chairman Pearl Nobbit complimented the profile as ‘a surreal account of the life of the everyday man. Playing the games we are forced into in this modern day world of dating will take a toll on a man, and it is front and center in this profile.’
Snead cleverly crafted the fact that he lives with his parents as ‘caring for the elderly’. He turned his lottery addiction into ‘contributor to education’. Finally, he lists himself as an ‘antique curator’ in describing his Star Wars Pez collection.
Also a surprise, was the ransom note for 10-year-old Willy Blodgett. ‘Most of the ransom notes that you find these days are hastily-scrawled demands for money, and threats to the victim,’ said Nobbit. ‘Willy’s note was a fully-formed sonnet, using the ‘abbaabba’ rhyme scheme in the first eight lines, and the controversial ‘cdedce’ rhyming scheme in the last 6 lines.’ The fact that Willy was safely returned to his parents seems to have helped the case for the poet.