thespoof--2020-07-20--Eminent Psychologist Defends President Trump Over Lying

In a magazine interview which few will be able to believe , and not without a certain tinge of irony , an eminent psychologist has defended President Trump against claims that he is dishonest and deceitful , by offering a typically complex explanation of the problem .
`` Everything is open to each and every individual 's interpretation . ''
Trump has claimed , in the past , that he had never knowingly told a lie in his entire life .
In the German magazine article , Dr. Heinze said that , what is true to one person , seems @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gave an example .
`` If somebody asks Trump : 'President Trump , do you like McDonalds ? '
, and he says 'No ' , how is that a lie ? ''
When his interviewer said that it was well known that the President , in fact , like the occasional Big Mac , and had , many times , said so himself , Dr. Heinze replied : '' He could have been lying . ''
He went on : '' The truth is one thing to one person , and entirely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from the fact that , with regard to himself , he may have once liked McDonalds , but has now altered his opinion , the question , and the response , could be classed as 'vague ' .
Does he like McDonalds ?
Yes , sometimes .
No , not always .
See ?
Two answers , both true , at one point or another , and , infuriatingly , also false . ''
`` Have you heard of 'exaggeration ' ?
Maybe the truth gets stretched a little .
Sometimes , we @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ' or 'no ' responses would not be appropriate .
Often , we reply according to information we have learned from seemingly trustworthy sources , which , subsequently , turn out to have been untrustworthy sources , and the information inaccurate . ''
`` It may be that , whilst giving an answer that he believes to be true , he gives a lot of answers that listeners believe to be lies , but when analyzed , may contain truth , or even small segments of truths , which , when put together @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like it . ''
Meanwhile , at the White House , President Trump continued telling fibs

In a magazine interview which few will be able to believe, and not without a certain tinge of irony, an eminent psychologist has defended President Trump against claims that he is dishonest and deceitful, by offering a typically complex explanation of the problem.
Dr. Siegfried Heinze, of Nuremberg University, said:
"Everything is open to each and every individual's interpretation."
Trump has claimed, in the past, that he had never knowingly told a lie in his entire life.
In the German magazine article, Dr. Heinze said that, what is true to one person, seems like a lie to another.
He gave an example.
"If somebody asks Trump: 'President Trump, do you like McDonalds?', and he says 'No', how is that a lie?"
When his interviewer said that it was well known that the President did , in fact, like the occasional Big Mac, and had, many times, said so himself, Dr. Heinze replied:
"He could have been lying."
He went on:
"The truth is one thing to one person, and entirely something else to another. Quite apart from the fact that, with regard to himself, he may have once liked McDonalds, but has now altered his opinion, the question, and the response, could be classed as 'vague'. Does he like McDonalds? Yes, sometimes. No, not always. See? Two answers, both true, at one point or another, and, infuriatingly, also false."
Heinze went on:
"Have you heard of 'exaggeration'? Maybe the truth gets stretched a little. Sometimes, we get asked questions to which simple 'yes' or 'no' responses would not be appropriate. Often, we reply according to information we have learned from seemingly trustworthy sources, which, subsequently, turn out to have been untrustworthy sources, and the information inaccurate."
And, robotically on:
"It may be that, whilst giving an answer that he believes to be true, he gives a lot of answers that listeners believe to be lies, but when analyzed, may contain some truth, or even small segments of truths, which, when put together, equal the truth, or something like it."
Meanwhile, at the White House, President Trump continued telling fibs


thespoof--2020-07-20--Confessional autobiography of Priest reveals the quality of sins has declined

Boston 's Father Seamus O ’ Hodge recalls how listening to confessions used to be enjoyable and dangerous , but now they ’ re as edgy as an Obama confession on Oprah .
At a Barnes and Noble book signing , promoting his new autobiography , ‘ Sins aren ’ t what they used to be ’ , Father O ’ Hodge revealed : “ When I started out , I had people confessing adultery , murder and devil worship .
They were the good days , ” said a salivating Father O ’ Hodge .
“ Three Hail Mary @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I made sure the penance fitted the sin.
” O ’ Hodge used to share good sin stories with other priests , and when one of them had a juicy nasty sinner coming in , they ’ d discreetly swap and have a listen .
“ But who wants to listen to confessions of someone binge watching Disney+ ?
” said a disenchanted Father Seamus .
“ I had one who confessed he ‘ had thoughts about a young woman at work ’ .
They were both single and unattached .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ realise they will be burdened with college debt , mortgage debt and have careers of soul-crushing monotony for decades .
Don ’ t they know how to live ?
” By the end of the book signing , Father O ’ Hodge was getting agitated , and confessed he told one boring sinner he should study Epstein , Bundy and Trump , and learn how to sin properly .
`` Remember Jesus died for your sins , so go back out there , sin properly , and make his death , and my @ @ @ @ @

Boston's Father Seamus O’Hodge recalls how listening to confessions used to be enjoyable and dangerous, but now they’re as edgy as an Obama confession on Oprah.
At a Barnes and Noble book signing, promoting his new autobiography, ‘Sins aren’t what they used to be’, Father O’Hodge revealed: “When I started out, I had people confessing adultery, murder and devil worship. They were the good days,” said a salivating Father O’Hodge. “Three Hail Mary’s for a bit of incest, I made sure the penance fitted the sin.”
O’Hodge used to share good sin stories with other priests, and when one of them had a juicy nasty sinner coming in, they’d discreetly swap and have a listen. “But who wants to listen to confessions of someone binge watching Disney+?” said a disenchanted Father Seamus.
“I had one who confessed he ‘had thoughts about a young woman at work’. They were both single and unattached. ‘Confessed!’ These people need to realise they will be burdened with college debt, mortgage debt and have careers of soul-crushing monotony for decades. Don’t they know how to live?”
By the end of the book signing, Father O’Hodge was getting agitated, and confessed he told one boring sinner he should study Epstein, Bundy and Trump, and learn how to sin properly.
"Remember Jesus died for your sins, so go back out there, sin properly, and make his death, and my job, worthwhile."


thespoof--2020-07-20--Prince's Estate To Release His Masterpiece, 'The Weeping Feather' Box Set

Minneapolis , MN - Executors for the late music icon , Prince , have announced that they will release what the singer called his masterpiece , The Weeping Feather Trilogy .
From the 72-song box set , recorded over three decades , only one song has ever been released from the trilogy , the 1984 hit , When Doves Cry .
When we first spoke to long-time sound engineer , Axel Cable , immediately after the singer 's death , he had said that the trilogy would likely never be released , but has now confirmed that all 72 songs @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to the public .
`` If it were up to me , I would n't do it , '' told Cable .
`` I mean , do n't get me wrong , there is some good material in there .
For instance , A Penguin loses its Egg , has some beautiful piano work in it .
But it 's a painful song to listen to . ''
But the engineer says he does n't think Prince 's true fans , who will have to shell out $ 135 dollars for the 3-CD/5-vinyl @ @ @ @ @ @ @ some of the sounds that they hear .
`` Most of it is n't even really what his fans would consider music , '' warns Cable .
`` Just a lot of birds crying , with Prince 's synthesizer and guitar seemingly egging them on , pardon the pun . ''
We were able to get our hands on just a few tracks before the release date , set for late this fall , to find that the engineer was being truthful .
For example , the track , A Parrot Breaks Its @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to .
Eighteen minutes of the distressed bird squawking the words , ' please , just shoot me , ' overlaid with Prince 's electric guitar , wailing in response , was , to say the least , an emotional journey .
But there were some danceable songs too .
Woodpecker Gets A Headache has a fun afro-calypso beat to it , and will probably get some radio air-play .
Also , The Lost Sparrow has a heart-wrenching piano solo in the bridge , that will make fans understand where Prince was trying @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the most part , Cable , who refused to work on the tracks , was right .
The music was mostly disturbing and hard to listen to .
Ravens Ruckus , a sixteen-minute track about Ravens getting into an argument , accompanied by blasts from a squealing saxophone ( an instrument that Prince admittedly really never got the hang of ) was hard on the ears .
`` I told ya ! ''
warned Axel .
`` I 'm worried that this is just a cash grab from Prince 's estate .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ up his longtime home , Paisley Park , ai n't cheap .
The bird-themed hedge work alone is a full-time job .
But I do n't think Prince ever meant for songs like Ravens Rukus to reach his fans ' ears . ''
So , to all you devotees of this musical genius , The Weeping Feather Box Set will be out in time for the holidays , but we would be remiss not to warn you , that it will probably ruin your Christmas .

Minneapolis, MN - Executors for the late music icon, Prince, have announced that they will release what the singer called his masterpiece, The Weeping Feather Trilogy.
From the 72-song box set, recorded over three decades, only one song has ever been released from the trilogy, the 1984 hit, When Doves Cry.
When we first spoke to long-time sound engineer, Axel Cable, immediately after the singer's death, he had said that the trilogy would likely never be released, but has now confirmed that all 72 songs about really sad birds will be available to the public.
"If it were up to me, I wouldn't do it," told Cable. "I mean, don't get me wrong, there is some good material in there. For instance, A Penguin loses its Egg, has some beautiful piano work in it. But it's a painful song to listen to."
But the engineer says he doesn't think Prince's true fans, who will have to shell out $135 dollars for the 3-CD/5-vinyl record set, will be ready for some of the sounds that they hear.
"Most of it isn't even really what his fans would consider music," warns Cable. "Just a lot of birds crying, with Prince's synthesizer and guitar seemingly egging them on, pardon the pun."
We were able to get our hands on just a few tracks before the release date, set for late this fall, to find that the engineer was being truthful. For example, the track, A Parrot Breaks Its Wing, was quite hard to listen to. Eighteen minutes of the distressed bird squawking the words, ' please, just shoot me,' overlaid with Prince's electric guitar, wailing in response, was, to say the least, an emotional journey.
But there were some danceable songs too. Woodpecker Gets A Headache has a fun afro-calypso beat to it, and will probably get some radio air-play. Also, The Lost Sparrow has a heart-wrenching piano solo in the bridge, that will make fans understand where Prince was trying to take this music.
But, for the most part, Cable, who refused to work on the tracks, was right. The music was mostly disturbing and hard to listen to. Ravens Ruckus, a sixteen-minute track about Ravens getting into an argument, accompanied by blasts from a squealing saxophone (an instrument that Prince admittedly really never got the hang of) was hard on the ears.
"I told ya!" warned Axel. "I'm worried that this is just a cash grab from Prince's estate. "I mean, I understand keeping up his longtime home, Paisley Park, ain't cheap. The bird-themed hedge work alone is a full-time job. But I don't think Prince ever meant for songs like Ravens Rukus to reach his fans' ears."
So, to all you devotees of this musical genius, The Weeping Feather Box Set will be out in time for the holidays, but we would be remiss not to warn you, that it will probably ruin your Christmas.
(Prince's estate would like to assure his fans that no birds were harmed during the recording of these songs.)


thespoof--2020-07-20--Margaret Sanger Laughs from Grave That Her Racist Legacy Is Praised While Union Statues Torn Down

NEW YORK , NY—The cackling of Margaret Sanger from her resting place in the Green-Wood Cemetery has grown so bothersome @ @ @ @ @ have temporarily moved to hotels or relatives ’ houses .
Sanger is comically overjoyed that @ @ @ @ @ every monument to racism , the organization that she founded with the mission of eugenics @ @ @ @ @ the recipient of praise and fierce protection from the same people who are vandalizing statues @ @ @ @ @ more acute by the fact that , not only do the statues not do anything @ @ @ @ @ monuments to individuals who helped improve the lives of oppressed minorities .
When asked for @ @ @ @ @ unable to stop laughing long enough to produce a coherent sentence .
The information reported @ @ @ @ @ from many hours of listening for interruptions in the laughter when Sanger tries to vocalize @ @ @ @ @ Her laughter is so raucous that it seems she might die twice , but , @ @ @ @ @ has been no sign that peace will return to the neighborhood anytime soon .

NEW YORK, NY—The cackling of Margaret Sanger from her resting place in the Green-Wood Cemetery has grown so bothersome, that several nearby residents have temporarily moved to hotels or relatives’ houses.
Sanger is comically overjoyed that amid the furor to erase every monument to racism, the organization that she founded with the mission of eugenics, Planned Parenthood, remains the recipient of praise and fierce protection from the same people who are vandalizing statues.
Her entertainment is made more acute by the fact that, not only do the statues not do anything, these rioters are destroying monuments to individuals who helped improve the lives of oppressed minorities.
When asked for a statement, Sanger was unable to stop laughing long enough to produce a coherent sentence. The information reported here has been pieced together from many hours of listening for interruptions in the laughter when Sanger tries to vocalize what she finds humorous.
Her laughter is so raucous that it seems she might die twice, but, as of yet, there has been no sign that peace will return to the neighborhood anytime soon.


thespoof--2020-07-20--Kanye West Holds His First Presidential Campaign Rally and Quickly Shows That He’s Just The Black Ve

Kanye West Holds His First Presidential Campaign Rally and Quickly Shows That He’s Just The Black Version of President Trump

CHARLESTON , South Carolina – Kanye West , the man who may have a bigger ego than Donald Trump , kicked off his journey to the White House , at the Deep In The Heart of Dixie Convention Center .
Kim Kardashian , Kanye ’ s wife , estimated that there were about 149,000 people there , which is interesting as hell , since the fire marshal said that the hall only holds 4,202 people .
On at least 29 occasions , he yelled at the crowd to shut the eff up , and to listen to the man who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into the White House .
Kanye started off by telling the semi-enthusiastic crowd that the Vietnam War was just a hoax perpetuated by witch hunters , cosmic colluders , and automobile insurance agents .
Kanye also told the crowd - which actually numbered right at 117 , if you count the security guards , the parole officers , and the street walkers that sauntered in out of the rain - that America is ready for a black president , who will see to it that every player in the NBA is black .

CHARLESTON, South Carolina – Kanye West, the man who may have a bigger ego than Donald Trump, kicked off his journey to the White House, at the Deep In The Heart of Dixie Convention Center.
Kim Kardashian, Kanye’s wife, estimated that there were about 149,000 people there, which is interesting as hell, since the fire marshal said that the hall only holds 4,202 people.
West wore a bullet-proof vest, steel-toed boots, and a Black Lives Matter jock strap.
On at least 29 occasions, he yelled at the crowd to shut the eff up, and to listen to the man who, in January, will be moving into the White House.
Kanye started off by telling the semi-enthusiastic crowd that the Vietnam War was just a hoax perpetuated by witch hunters, cosmic colluders, and automobile insurance agents.
Kanye also told the crowd - which actually numbered right at 117, if you count the security guards, the parole officers, and the street walkers that sauntered in out of the rain - that America is ready for a black president, who will see to it that every player in the NBA is black.


thespoof--2020-07-20--President Trump Tells His Second Son, Eric, To Stop Saying Stupid Stuff

MAGNOLIA , Delaware – The President ’ s middle son , Eric , was in Magnolia visiting his one and only high school girlfriend , who just gave birth to quintuplets .
The President told Eric to make sure that he stops saying stupid stuff that the press will take and run with .
When Eric asked `` like what ?
`` , his dad remarked , `` like , don ’ t tell anyone that you sleep in Spiderman pajamas , or that you drink beer out of one of your kids ' sippy cups , or that you @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your butt . ''
Eric said that it was n't beer , it was Yo Woke Rip-Roarin ' Wine .
Trump ’ s middle son told his father that he had just watched CNN , and they were reporting that Florida had just become the state with the most Trumparona-19 cases in the entire nation .
The President reportedly became very angry , and told Eric to never , ever call it the Trumparona-19 again .
Eric then suggested to his father that maybe he needed to build a wall around Florida , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump was overheard to mutter , that there was just no way in hell that that turdheaded twit was a product of his loins .

MAGNOLIA, Delaware – The President’s middle son, Eric, was in Magnolia visiting his one and only high school girlfriend, who just gave birth to quintuplets.
The President told Eric to make sure that he stops saying stupid stuff that the press will take and run with.
When Eric asked "like what?", his dad remarked, "like, don’t tell anyone that you sleep in Spiderman pajamas, or that you drink beer out of one of your kids' sippy cups, or that you have a tattoo of Jim Carrey on your butt."
Eric said that it wasn't beer, it was Yo Woke Rip-Roarin' Wine.
Trump’s middle son told his father that he had just watched CNN, and they were reporting that Florida had just become the state with the most Trumparona-19 cases in the entire nation.
The President reportedly became very angry, and told Eric to never, ever call it the Trumparona-19 again.
Eric then suggested to his father that maybe he needed to build a wall around Florida, and make Florida pay for it.
Trump was overheard to mutter, that there was just no way in hell that that turdheaded twit was a product of his loins.


thespoof--2020-07-21--World's first eco-friendly execution centre opens as wind farm goes dual-purpose

The world 's first eco-friendly execution centre has just opened at The Sunny Wind Farm Company in Quakerville , Pennsylvania .
Chad and Chuck Cadbury shook while explaining their vision : ‘ Our wind turbines often generate excess electricity , and it is incumbent on us all to utilise that energy , even if the local criminal fraternity find that a bit shocking.
’ ‘ It ’ s a great day out , ’ said town mayor , Harvey Trumpstein .
‘ On a Sunday morning , we plug the local scum into the wind turbines and let mother nature @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a tourist destination , family center , and a real boost to the economy - I ’ ve got the ice cream concession.
’ The question is , what happens when it ’ s not windy .
‘ Sure it takes a little longer and people have to hang around , ’ said Chad , rubbing his hands , ‘ but that keeps our concession holders happy.
’ ‘ Occasionally , there ’ s no wind at all , which can be very disappointing for the audience , ’ added Chuck .
‘ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is a community supported sport er , hobby , well , I mean , responsibility .
But a local cycling club connect to a dynamo instead , and pedal like crazy , and that definitely takes longer , but it ’ s a real family day.
’ A disappointed Chad did inform us that ‘ Health and Safety ’ have stepped in , as they regard this as inhumane and cruel treatment .
‘ They ’ re OK with the execution , but this is a windy and rainy environment , ’ added @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the condemned die of electric shock , they catch a cold .
’

The world's first eco-friendly execution centre has just opened at The Sunny Wind Farm Company in Quakerville, Pennsylvania.
Chad and Chuck Cadbury shook while explaining their vision: ‘Our wind turbines often generate excess electricity, and it is incumbent on us all to utilise that energy, even if the local criminal fraternity find that a bit shocking.’
‘It’s a great day out,’ said town mayor, Harvey Trumpstein. ‘On a Sunday morning, we plug the local scum into the wind turbines and let mother nature take its course. It’s a tourist destination, family center, and a real boost to the economy - I’ve got the ice cream concession.’
The question is, what happens when it’s not windy. ‘Sure it takes a little longer and people have to hang around,’ said Chad, rubbing his hands, ‘but that keeps our concession holders happy.’
‘Occasionally, there’s no wind at all, which can be very disappointing for the audience,’ added Chuck. ‘Things could turn nasty, as this is a community supported sport er, hobby, well, I mean, responsibility. But a local cycling club connect to a dynamo instead, and pedal like crazy, and that definitely takes longer, but it’s a real family day.’
A disappointed Chad did inform us that ‘Health and Safety’ have stepped in, as they regard this as inhumane and cruel treatment.
‘They’re OK with the execution, but this is a windy and rainy environment,’ added Chuck, ‘which means, before the condemned die of electric shock, they catch a cold.’


thespoof--2020-07-21--Trump sex doll doesn’t say much but is very roomy

The new Mark 3 version of this ‘ must have ’ pleasure toy for those that have everything , is seen as an improvement on the ill-fated Mark 2 , ‘ The Trumpstein ’ , a Donald & Jeffrey hybrid .
The Mark 2 , although favoured by some members of some royal families , had teeth ; unfortunately , they were based on Epstein ’ s teeth , and some women were put off .
White House memorabilia manager , Francine Underwood , explained : ‘ This model on display comes with a press conference lectern with built-in seat @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , you ca n't even see White House intern Chad or is it Chuck today z depends who lost the toss.
’ A more family-friendly version can be found in the crazy Miniature Golf course behind the White House fountain .
‘ People just love whacking a ball into the hole , ’ added a smiling Francine .
‘ That version is made of high tensile steel , as it is often subjected to some inappropriate use of golf clubs.
’ A deluxe version comes with interchangeable body parts and alternative clothes , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ own home , you can enjoy ‘ Trump up-skirting ’ , as also implied by the photo featuring an unseen Chuck - or is it Chad ?
- whoever lost the toss.
’ A number of items of clothing come in wipe-down latex , PVC or a rubber & leather gimp suit .
‘ That ’ s a particular favorite of Kim Jong-un , ’ said an unnamed White House memorabilia manager .
The Mark 3 is available now in the White House gift shop .

The new Mark 3 version of this ‘must have’ pleasure toy for those that have everything, is seen as an improvement on the ill-fated Mark 2, ‘The Trumpstein’, a Donald & Jeffrey hybrid.
The Mark 2, although favoured by some members of some royal families, had teeth; unfortunately, they were based on Epstein’s teeth, and some women were put off.
White House memorabilia manager, Francine Underwood, explained: ‘This model on display comes with a press conference lectern with built-in seat for user comfort and privacy. Look, you can't even see White House intern Chad or is it Chuck today z depends who lost the toss.’
A more family-friendly version can be found in the crazy Miniature Golf course behind the White House fountain. ‘People just love whacking a ball into the hole,’ added a smiling Francine. ‘That version is made of high tensile steel, as it is often subjected to some inappropriate use of golf clubs.’
A deluxe version comes with interchangeable body parts and alternative clothes, ‘so in the privacy of your own home, you can enjoy ‘Trump up-skirting’, as also implied by the photo featuring an unseen Chuck - or is it Chad? - whoever lost the toss.’
A number of items of clothing come in wipe-down latex, PVC or a rubber & leather gimp suit. ‘That’s a particular favorite of Kim Jong-un,’ said an unnamed White House memorabilia manager.
The Mark 3 is available now in the White House gift shop.


thespoof--2020-07-21--Wolfman Jack Statue Toppled: Anguished Howls Heard In The Night

BILLINGSGATE POST : Who would dare defy the God of Wolves ?
A self-styled demon himself , Wolfman Jack patterned himself after Fenrir , a monstrous wolf of Norse mythology .
Fenrir was the issue of the demoniac god Loki and an Amazonian giantess named Angerboda .
What better role model could one ask for ?
Last night , in Beaver Crossing , Nebraska , an angry mob of dystopian wackos , screaming like caterwauling Banshee rag pickers , gathered with ropes and flares in the public square where the statue of Wolfman Jack hovered over them ; a menacing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the air waves of American music .
Apocalyptically speaking , Wolfman Jack ’ s horses could not be harnessed .
In Biblical lore , the Four Horsemen were known as Famine , Pestilence , Destruction and Death .
Wolfman Jack was none of these , while all of these .
He rode his horses hard .
But he didn ’ t put them away wet .
The rabid mob that met that evening was not merely a roundup of the usual suspects .
This was not Casablanca .
But they formed the crest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Nation before which no statue could stand .
A cyclone ca n't be snared .
It may be surrounded , but somewhere it breaks through to keep on going .
When the cyclone starts from Beaver Crossing , where there is but one stoplight , those in the way must take shelter before being swept away .
His statue went down .
But it did not whimper .
It snarled and snapped at the pig farmers who felled it .
Only citizen , Elmer Smuckmeister , felt remorse over the fallen legend @ @ @ @ @ @ @ up to his John Deere and hauled it to the dump .
Lamented Smuckmeister : “ I went to sleep each night listening to his anguished howling.
” Wolfman Jack was born Robert Weston Smith .
He was an American disc jockey .
Famous for his gravelly voice , he credited it for his success .
“ A couple of shots of whiskey helps it .
I ’ ve got that nice raspy sound.
” Although he died in 1995 , his legend lives on .
Every night for over six decades , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on the radio .
During the peak of his career , Wolfman Jack was heard on over 2000 radio stations in 53 countries .
He was a border blaster , operating out of Mexico , and powered at 250,000 watts , it was said that you could drive from New York to LA without changing stations .
Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
I wonder why they called him Wolfman Jack ?
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Who would dare defy the God of Wolves? A self-styled demon himself, Wolfman Jack patterned himself after Fenrir, a monstrous wolf of Norse mythology. Fenrir was the issue of the demoniac god Loki and an Amazonian giantess named Angerboda. What better role model could one ask for?
Last night, in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, an angry mob of dystopian wackos, screaming like caterwauling Banshee rag pickers, gathered with ropes and flares in the public square where the statue of Wolfman Jack hovered over them; a menacing remembrance of a time when he ruled the air waves of American music.
Apocalyptically speaking, Wolfman Jack’s horses could not be harnessed. In Biblical lore, the Four Horsemen were known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death. Wolfman Jack was none of these, while all of these. He rode his horses hard. But he didn’t put them away wet.
The rabid mob that met that evening was not merely a roundup of the usual suspects. This was not Casablanca. But they formed the crest of a destructive cyclone that was sweeping the Nation before which no statue could stand.
A cyclone can't be snared. It may be surrounded, but somewhere it breaks through to keep on going. When the cyclone starts from Beaver Crossing, where there is but one stoplight, those in the way must take shelter before being swept away. His statue went down. But it did not whimper. It snarled and snapped at the pig farmers who felled it. Only citizen, Elmer Smuckmeister, felt remorse over the fallen legend. It was he who hooked it up to his John Deere and hauled it to the dump.
Lamented Smuckmeister: “I went to sleep each night listening to his anguished howling.”
Wolfman Jack was born Robert Weston Smith. He was an American disc jockey. Famous for his gravelly voice, he credited it for his success.
“A couple of shots of whiskey helps it. I’ve got that nice raspy sound.”
Although he died in 1995, his legend lives on. Every night for over six decades, millions of his fans listened to him on the radio. During the peak of his career, Wolfman Jack was heard on over 2000 radio stations in 53 countries. He was a border blaster, operating out of Mexico, and powered at 250,000 watts, it was said that you could drive from New York to LA without changing stations.
Slim: “He yipped and howled like a mad wolf.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I wonder why they called him Wolfman Jack?”


thespoof--2020-07-21--President Trump Once Again Shows The Country Who He Really Is

WASHINGTON , D.C. – President Trump had a one-on-one meeting with his top ass-kisser , Stephen Miller .
And , out of the blue , he told Milly that , if he wasn ’ t married to Melania , he would date his daughter , Ivanka , if she wasn ’ t his daughter , of course .
Miller said that it kind of sounded somewhat weird , even coming from Trump .
Stephen told POTUS that he just doesn ’ t want him to get in trouble with the evangelicals .
Trump shot back , `` Stevie , my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ think , for one second , that I give a rodent ’ s ass what the ‘ gelicals think ? ''
Miller replied that he knows he doesn ’ t care , because he has made it crystal clear on several occasions , that he just uses the evangelicals like he uses the blacks , the gays , Lindsey Graham , women , veterans , his base , Sean Hannity , and even Eric and Donald Jr .
Many pundits have started to say that , as the presidential election draws closer , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ show everyone just exactly who he is .
Meanwhile , the First Lady has remarked that , in five months , she will be thrilled to get back to her luxuriously elegant Trump Tower suite , and the Bidens can have the Pennsylvania Avenue dump .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump had a one-on-one meeting with his top ass-kisser, Stephen Miller.
And, out of the blue, he told Milly that, if he wasn’t married to Melania, he would date his daughter, Ivanka, if she wasn’t his daughter, of course.
Miller said that it kind of sounded somewhat weird, even coming from Trump.
Stephen told POTUS that he just doesn’t want him to get in trouble with the evangelicals.
Trump shot back, "Stevie, my little ugly-looking bitch, do you really think, for one second, that I give a rodent’s ass what the ‘gelicals think?"
Miller replied that he knows he doesn’t care, because he has made it crystal clear on several occasions, that he just uses the evangelicals like he uses the blacks, the gays, Lindsey Graham, women, veterans, his base, Sean Hannity, and even Eric and Donald Jr.
Many pundits have started to say that, as the presidential election draws closer, the “Liar-in-Chief” is starting to show everyone just exactly who he is.
Meanwhile, the First Lady has remarked that, in five months, she will be thrilled to get back to her luxuriously elegant Trump Tower suite, and the Bidens can have the Pennsylvania Avenue dump.


thespoof--2020-07-21--Trump’s Occupation Of Democratic Cities Started

He said he would win the next election , and his plan has been put into motion : Occupy stronghold Democratic cities , deny their vote , win four more years !
A sample city presently being occupied is Portland , in Oregon , not Maine .
So , Trump ’ s unmarked , unnamed , camouflaged militia has moved into Portland and started billy-clubbing protestors amazingly protesting against police brutality and racism .
“ And they ’ re being beaten up and pepper-sprayed while protesting against police brutality ?
” Mothers in Portland , Oregon , not Maine , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been billy-clubbed and pepper-sprayed by Trump ’ s militia , and have formed what is called a Wall of Mothers , standing to protect the protesters from Trump ’ s militia .
The Wall of Mothers is reminiscent of the Trump Wall between the US and Mexican border that Trump is trying to erect .
The Wall of Mothers is more successful .
“ Don ’ t you dare to use a billy-club on a mother !
” The moms of The Wall of Mothers carry Lodge cast iron cooking pots and pans @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out until next Thursday .
Trump 's militia is in conference .
Believing he had to support his troops , and tossing aside his bone spurs , Trump flew Air Force One to Portland , landing in Maine , and had to turn left and continue to Portland , Oregon , situated in the western part of the United States .
The Wall of Mothers moved to the airfield , and would not allow Air Force One to land .
Air Force One was forced to make a U-turn and fly back to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

He said he would win the next election, and his plan has been put into motion: Occupy stronghold Democratic cities, deny their vote, win four more years!
A sample city presently being occupied is Portland, in Oregon, not Maine.
So, Trump’s unmarked, unnamed, camouflaged militia has moved into Portland and started billy-clubbing protestors amazingly protesting against police brutality and racism.
“And they’re being beaten up and pepper-sprayed while protesting against police brutality?”
“Go figure.”
Mothers in Portland, Oregon, not Maine, have gathered in protest of the protesters been billy-clubbed and pepper-sprayed by Trump’s militia, and have formed what is called a Wall of Mothers, standing to protect the protesters from Trump’s militia.
The Wall of Mothers is reminiscent of the Trump Wall between the US and Mexican border that Trump is trying to erect. The Wall of Mothers is more successful.
“Don’t you dare to use a billy-club on a mother!”
The moms of The Wall of Mothers carry Lodge cast iron cooking pots and pans. One wack and you’re out until next Thursday. Trump's militia is in conference.
Believing he had to support his troops, and tossing aside his bone spurs, Trump flew Air Force One to Portland, landing in Maine, and had to turn left and continue to Portland, Oregon, situated in the western part of the United States.
The Wall of Mothers moved to the airfield, and would not allow Air Force One to land. Air Force One was forced to make a U-turn and fly back to Washington, D.C.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-07-21--Donald Trump Plans to Invade Portland Using Green Berets, Navy Seals, The KKK, Hells Angels, and Som

Donald Trump Plans to Invade Portland Using Green Berets, Navy Seals, The KKK, Hells Angels, and Some Boy Scouts

WASHINGTON , D.C. – President Donnie Johnnie Trump says that it 's time for him to put his bone-spur covered foot down , and show the anti-Electoral College protesters in Portland that he is the boss of them .
He told Fox News that the peaceful protesters have vowed to burn down buildings , loot stores , and write Trump Sux on police cars .
Trump says that it is his duty , as the duly elected Electoral College president , to make sure that the citizens of Portland do not deface posters which depict him in a red MAGA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is planning on leading the assault himself .
He will be commanding members of the Green Berets , the Navy Seals , the KKK , the Hells Angels , and a dozen-or-so Boy Scouts .
POTUS was asked if he plans on using napalm .
He smiled , and said that , if he has to , he will personally fly the plane that will drop the napalm .
In Closing - Trump , as he always does , later said that he was only joking about the napalm .
He added that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of napalm to Iceland , shortly after the Vietnam War ended .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donnie Johnnie Trump says that it's time for him to put his bone-spur covered foot down, and show the anti-Electoral College protesters in Portland that he is the boss of them.
He told Fox News that the peaceful protesters have vowed to burn down buildings, loot stores, and write Trump Sux on police cars.
Trump says that it is his duty, as the duly elected Electoral College president, to make sure that the citizens of Portland do not deface posters which depict him in a red MAGA cap.
The President revealed that he is planning on leading the assault himself. He will be commanding members of the Green Berets, the Navy Seals, the KKK, the Hells Angels, and a dozen-or-so Boy Scouts.
POTUS was asked if he plans on using napalm. He smiled, and said that, if he has to, he will personally fly the plane that will drop the napalm.
In Closing - Trump, as he always does, later said that he was only joking about the napalm. He added that the USA sold off their entire supply of napalm to Iceland, shortly after the Vietnam War ended.


thespoof--2020-07-22--Trump: I've Always Been In Favor Of Face Masks

In what many will see as a total turnaround , President Trump has spoken about his preference for wearing a face mask in order to limit the spread of the Coronavirus , claiming that he has always been in favor of the protective mouth coverings .
Trump told reporters yesterday , that wearing a face mask is nothing new for him .
He said : '' I think wearing a mask is the only thing we do in this situation .
It shows concern and respect for other people , which is a characteristic of mine . ''
After a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump if it was n't true that he 'd recently said it was unpatriotic , and 'gay ' , to wear a face mask .
Trump replied : '' Certainly not !
In fact , I think it 's extremely patriotistic to wear a face mask , and that 's why I wear one all the time . ''
This prompted another silence , longer this time , followed by a muttering amongst the press .
The President went on : '' I wear a mask in the White House , and I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ even wear a mask in bed , and so does my wife .
I always carry spare masks with me , just in case I meet someone who is n't wearing one , and then I can save someone else 's life .
That 's what I 'm like . ''
There was a shuffling of feet , and several people coughed .
`` I 've always worn a mask , even when I was on 'The Apprentice , even when I was a little boy !
There are photos somewhere of me @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wearing a mask .
I 'd even say that I 'd worn a mask before I was born , in my mother 's womb , but nobody would believe me .
My ancestors , back in Germany , used to wear face masks .
I think my view on face masks is public knowledge by now .
They 're essential , and I 'd never be seen without one . ''
The room was now empty .

In what many will see as a total turnaround, President Trump has spoken about his preference for wearing a face mask in order to limit the spread of the Coronavirus, claiming that he has always been in favor of the protective mouth coverings.
Trump told reporters yesterday, that wearing a face mask is nothing new for him. He said:
"I think wearing a mask is the only thing we can do in this situation. It shows concern and respect for other people, which is a characteristic of mine."
After a short silence, one journalist asked Mr. Trump if it wasn't true that he'd recently said it was unpatriotic, and 'gay', to wear a face mask. Trump replied:
"Certainly not! In fact, I think it's extremely patriotistic to wear a face mask, and that's why I wear one all the time."
This prompted another silence, longer this time, followed by a muttering amongst the press. The President went on:
"I wear a mask in the White House, and I wear a mask at home. I even wear a mask in bed, and so does my wife. I always carry spare masks with me, just in case I meet someone who isn't wearing one, and then I can save someone else's life. That's what I'm like."
There was a shuffling of feet, and several people coughed.
Trump:
"I've always worn a mask, even when I was on 'The Apprentice, even when I was a little boy! There are photos somewhere of me when I was a baby, already wearing a mask. I'd even say that I'd worn a mask before I was born, in my mother's womb, but nobody would believe me. My ancestors, back in Germany, used to wear face masks. I think my view on face masks is public knowledge by now. They're essential, and I'd never be seen without one."
The room was now empty.


thespoof--2020-07-22--Amazing Find at Long Abandoned Indian Village

Moose Ears , New Hampshire .
Exclusive to The Spoof .
Archeologists digging in the only village of the Alouette @ @ @ @ @ over 4,000 years , have uncovered an explanation of what happened to this small band @ @ @ @ @ millennia before Christ .
About that time , the Alouettes simply disappeared .
There is @ @ @ @ @ or joined another tribe .
In what has beeen determined to be the tribal quarters @ @ @ @ @ 's chief medicine man has awarded scientists with a trove of native medicines of that @ @ @ @ @ important , was the diary of Trumpahontas .
The last entry was a simple sentence @ @ @ @ @ disappear on its own .
Not to worry . ''

Moose Ears, New Hampshire. Exclusive to The Spoof. Archeologists digging in the only village of the Alouette Indian tribe, uninhabited for over 4,000 years, have uncovered an explanation of what happened to this small band of Native Americans, two millennia before Christ. About that time, the Alouettes simply disappeared. There is no evidence that they migrated or joined another tribe.
In what has beeen determined to be the tribal quarters of Trumpahontas, the tribe's chief medicine man has awarded scientists with a trove of native medicines of that era. But, most important, was the diary of Trumpahontas. The last entry was a simple sentence:
"The virus will disappear on its own. Not to worry."


thespoof--2020-07-22--Area Dad: Lawn needs to be cut this weekend

Although local woman Alexa Britzner was only half paying attention , her dad was just saying that he thinks he ’ s going to cut the lawn this weekend .
This announcement came despite the fact that 84 % of neighbors think the lawn looks fine .
“ [ The grass ] doesn ’ t look too tall to me , ” Greg Grint , from two houses down , said when asked his opinion about the Britzner lawn .
Britzner , however , said that she was not shocked by the announcement , saying that her dad does this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ or three days before , I ’ ll notice him intently staring outside at the yard , and I know what ’ s going to come next , ” Britzner said .
“ Then he ’ ll announce to everyone in the house , multiple times , his intentions to mow the lawn the next opportunity he gets.
” According to Britzner , this cycle takes place year after year , despite no one ever giving any discernible reaction to the announcements .
The announcement usually comes with a stipulation that dad won @ @ @ @ @ @ @ happens to rain this weekend , which he hopes it doesn ’ t , Britzner said .

Although local woman Alexa Britzner was only half paying attention, her dad was just saying that he thinks he’s going to cut the lawn this weekend.
This announcement came despite the fact that 84% of neighbors think the lawn looks fine.
“[The grass] doesn’t look too tall to me,” Greg Grint, from two houses down, said when asked his opinion about the Britzner lawn.
Britzner, however, said that she was not shocked by the announcement, saying that her dad does this all the time.
“Usually two or three days before, I’ll notice him intently staring outside at the yard, and I know what’s going to come next,” Britzner said. “Then he’ll announce to everyone in the house, multiple times, his intentions to mow the lawn the next opportunity he gets.”
According to Britzner, this cycle takes place year after year, despite no one ever giving any discernible reaction to the announcements.
The announcement usually comes with a stipulation that dad won’t mow the lawn if it happens to rain this weekend, which he hopes it doesn’t, Britzner said.


thespoof--2020-07-22--President Trump Is Thrilled With The Latest New Organization, Rich Lives Matter

WASHINGTON , D.C. – President Trump spoke with an unnamed member of the White House staff , and told him to start up a brand new organization .
The new group will be called Rich Lives Matter .
Trump said that , to get the new organization off-the-ground , he will be personally handing them over a check for $ 700,000 .
The President was asked by a reporter with the White House media , if the check was coming from his own personal account .
POTUS yelled out , “ Hell no !
That money is coming out of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is funded by the American taxpayer.
” Trump was proud to announce that the new group has named him to be the organization 's treasurer/sergeant-at-arms .
Trump Jr. , was voted to be the official note-taker , and Ivanka will be appearing in all of the commercials , now that she has got her feet wet starring in the Goya Bean commercials .
First Lady , Melania Trump , was named to head up the group 's new `` Be Rich '' committee , but she reportedly told them all to stick the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It is no secret that the First Lady hates Washington , D.C. more than nudists hate mosquitoes .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump spoke with an unnamed member of the White House staff, and told him to start up a brand new organization.
The new group will be called Rich Lives Matter. Trump said that, to get the new organization off-the-ground, he will be personally handing them over a check for $700,000.
The President was asked by a reporter with the White House media, if the check was coming from his own personal account.
POTUS yelled out, “Hell no! That money is coming out of the White House Renovation Fund, which is funded by the American taxpayer.”
Trump was proud to announce that the new group has named him to be the organization's treasurer/sergeant-at-arms.
Trump Jr., was voted to be the official note-taker, and Ivanka will be appearing in all of the commercials, now that she has got her feet wet starring in the Goya Bean commercials.
First Lady, Melania Trump, was named to head up the group's new "Be Rich" committee, but she reportedly told them all to stick the whole thing up their Holland Tunnels.
It is no secret that the First Lady hates Washington, D.C. more than nudists hate mosquitoes.


thespoof--2020-07-23--Russian President Vladimir Putin Has Just Endorsed Donald Trump

MOSCOW – The Russian leader has announced to the people of the world , that he has endorsed Donald J.
@ @ @ @ @ .
Vladimir Putin said that Donald has become like a brother to him ever since @ @ @ @ @ the same pole dancer ’ s high heel shoe , at Moscow 's famed Comrade @ @ @ @ @ nothing intimate happened , TMZ has video of a very happy Donnie and Vlady cavorting @ @ @ @ @ to the Macarena .
When asked about the cavorting , President Trump replied that he @ @ @ @ @ , and , if he had , he would certainly not dance the Macarena with @ @ @ @ @ spurs have become extremely painful .
A reporter with Telemundo asked him how he manages @ @ @ @ @ golf each week , since he has bothersome bone spurs .
POTUS said that the @ @ @ @ @ hurt whenever he plays golf , because he wears flip-flops .

MOSCOW – The Russian leader has announced to the people of the world, that he has endorsed Donald J. Trump in his re-election bid.
Vladimir Putin said that Donald has become like a brother to him ever since they both drank vodka from the same pole dancer’s high heel shoe, at Moscow's famed Comrade Club.
Although Putin swears nothing intimate happened, TMZ has video of a very happy Donnie and Vlady cavorting in ballerina leotards and dancing to the Macarena.
When asked about the cavorting, President Trump replied that he has never cavorted with Vlady, and, if he had, he would certainly not dance the Macarena with him, since his bone spurs have become extremely painful.
A reporter with Telemundo asked him how he manages to play 112 rounds of golf each week, since he has bothersome bone spurs.
POTUS said that the bone spurs don’t hurt whenever he plays golf, because he wears flip-flops.


thespoof--2020-07-23--Two West Virginia Brothers Can't Afford Covid-19 Masks, So They Make Their Own Out of Two Discarded

Two West Virginia Brothers Can't Afford Covid-19 Masks, So They Make Their Own Out of Two Discarded Watermelons

SQUIRREL NUTS , West Virginia – Willie and Billie Peckerpucker say that , due to the Coronapalooza virus , they have not been able to work at their coal mining jobs for three months .
Willie said they each get $ 47 a week unemployment , but , after they pay for Netflix , beer , cigarettes , and shotgun shells , there ’ s hardly any money left to buy baloney and crackers .
Billie pointed out they can ’ t even afford to buy medical masks , so they decided to make their own out of two old @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that , once you put the watermelon mask on , it takes about an hour or so to get over the horrible smell , but once you do , it ’ s a piece of cake .
Billie divulged that his pregnant girlfriend of seven months , Melinda Jo , suddenly left him without any warning whatsoever .
He laughs as he says that it ’ s her loss , because one day he ’ s gon na get a job , as a head fry cook at the local Mickey D ’ @ @

SQUIRREL NUTS, West Virginia – Willie and Billie Peckerpucker say that, due to the Coronapalooza virus, they have not been able to work at their coal mining jobs for three months.
Willie said they each get $47 a week unemployment, but, after they pay for Netflix, beer, cigarettes, and shotgun shells, there’s hardly any money left to buy baloney and crackers.
Billie pointed out they can’t even afford to buy medical masks, so they decided to make their own out of two old discarded watermelons.
The older Peckerpucker said that, once you put the watermelon mask on, it takes about an hour or so to get over the horrible smell, but once you do, it’s a piece of cake.
Billie divulged that his pregnant girlfriend of seven months, Melinda Jo, suddenly left him without any warning whatsoever.
He laughs as he says that it’s her loss, because one day he’s gonna get a job, as a head fry cook at the local Mickey D’s.


thespoof--2020-07-23--A White House Insider Predicts That Hope Hicks Will Be The Next Mrs. Donald Trump

WASHINGTON , D.C. – A White House source , who knows President and Mrs. Trump very well , has just @ @ @ @ @ come true sometime in 2021 .
The source told Fox News that he or she @ @ @ @ @ her husband , on grounds of his addiction to false hoaxes , his pathological lying @ @ @ @ @ hairdo .
The insider noted that , when Trump gets dumped by Melly , it @ @ @ @ @ the gorgeously sexy , 31-year-old , Hope Hicks , to waltz into his life like @ @ @ @ @ hour glass .
It is really no secret that the President has had a lascivious @ @ @ @ @ House staffer , who some say has had more lovers than Cleopatra and Mae West @ @ @ @ @ told one of the White House cooks that , if his daddy ever marries Hope @ @ @ @ @ brother and sister will have the sexiest , most hottest step-mother in the entire country @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House source, who knows President and Mrs. Trump very well, has just made a prediction that could come true sometime in 2021.
The source told Fox News that he or she truly believes Melania will divorce her husband, on grounds of his addiction to false hoaxes, his pathological lying, and his horrendously ugly hairdo.
The insider noted that, when Trump gets dumped by Melly, it will pave the way for the gorgeously sexy, 31-year-old, Hope Hicks, to waltz into his life like grains of sand through an hour glass.
It is really no secret that the President has had a lascivious thing for the former White House staffer, who some say has had more lovers than Cleopatra and Mae West combined.
Eric Trump reportedly told one of the White House cooks that, if his daddy ever marries Hope, then he and his brother and sister will have the sexiest, most hottest step-mother in the entire country.


thespoof--2020-07-23--Trump’s Egotistical Antics Regarding Portland Are Going To Pit U.S. Federal Troops Against Oregon Na

Trump’s Egotistical Antics Regarding Portland Are Going To Pit U.S. Federal Troops Against Oregon National Guard Troops

PORTLAND – The governor of Oregon and the mayor of Portland have stated that President Trump has gone completely nuts , and that he is going to start the Civil War he has been toying with for weeks now .
The protesters are saying they want the government to do away with the archaic Electoral College system .
They say it stinks like an overflowing cesspool .
They point out that it is absolutely ridiculous for Iowa to have as much voting power as New York , California , or Texas .
Iowa has roughly 24,103 people , whereas the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ population of over 89 million people .
It 's simply a matter of simple math .
If you live in a little bitty state ( population-wise ) such as Montana , New Hampshire , or Wyoming , then you should not get the same voting clout as the big boy states get .
Like comedian Zydeco Dupree recently stated , `` Iffin y'all want , y'alls vote ta count more , den y'all need , ta move y'alls butts , to a big ass state - it be as simple as dat , @ @ @

PORTLAND – The governor of Oregon and the mayor of Portland have stated that President Trump has gone completely nuts, and that he is going to start the Civil War he has been toying with for weeks now.
The protesters are saying they want the government to do away with the archaic Electoral College system. They say it stinks like an overflowing cesspool.
They point out that it is absolutely ridiculous for Iowa to have as much voting power as New York, California, or Texas.
Iowa has roughly 24,103 people, whereas the three states mentioned above have a combined population of over 89 million people.
It's simply a matter of simple math. If you live in a little bitty state (population-wise) such as Montana, New Hampshire, or Wyoming, then you should not get the same voting clout as the big boy states get.
Like comedian Zydeco Dupree recently stated, "Iffin y'all want, y'alls vote ta count more, den y'all need, ta move y'alls butts, to a big ass state - it be as simple as dat, Jack."


thespoof--2020-07-23--General Robert E. Lee’s Confederate Birthplace Home Has Been Purchased By President Trump

RED GUMBALL , Virginia – The home where Confederate General Robert E. Lee was born on January 19 , 1807 @ @ @ @ @ , after being on the market for six years .
The wood-frame home covers 900 @ @ @ @ @ living room , a kitchen , two bedrooms , and a horse stable in the @ @ @ @ @ horses , 6 , if they ’ re skinny .
The house was built in @ @ @ @ @ Bobbie Eddie Lee was born .
The current owner of the house Elroy Joe “ @ @ @ @ @ , said that the house comes complete with a toaster , a waffle iron , @ @ @ @ @ He also stated that he will be leaving each of the original 37 Confederate flags @ @ @ @ @ that some vandal snuck in a few months ago .
The house was reportedly purchased @ @ @ @ @ a Mr. D.J .
Trumpalini , who listed his current address as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue @ @ @ @ @

RED GUMBALL, Virginia – The home where Confederate General Robert E. Lee was born on January 19, 1807, has just been sold, after being on the market for six years.
The wood-frame home covers 900 square feet, has a living room, a kitchen, two bedrooms, and a horse stable in the back that can house 4 horses, 6, if they’re skinny.
The house was built in 1806, a year before Bobbie Eddie Lee was born.
The current owner of the house Elroy Joe “Bubba” Buckatuna, 89, said that the house comes complete with a toaster, a waffle iron, and a swing set.
He also stated that he will be leaving each of the original 37 Confederate flags, plus a Venezuelan flag that some vandal snuck in a few months ago.
The house was reportedly purchased for $9,735, by a Mr. D.J. Trumpalini, who listed his current address as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C.


thespoof--2020-07-24--Napoleon Bonaparte spotted at Walmart

Napoleon Bonaparte spotted at Walmart

He was last seen being placed in a coffin sometime in the 1820s but in an amazing moment a shopper @ @ @ @ @ DC.
, has positively identified the former Emperor of France , Napoleon Bonaparte , making @ @ @ @ @ .
Authorities are confused as to what his intentions are in this neck of the @ @ @ @ @ that Napoleon may be inciting a rebellion to take over the Federal Administration in the @ @ @ @ @ slim , considering he has only a sabre and maybe the leather boots on his @ @ @ @ @ If Napoleon has any chance , it 's if he can convince Joe Biden to @ @ @ @ @ .

He was last seen being placed in a coffin sometime in the 1820s but in an amazing moment a shopper at Walmart in Washington, DC., has positively identified the former Emperor of France, Napoleon Bonaparte, making his way through the aisles.
Authorities are confused as to what his intentions are in this neck of the woods, but some believe that Napoleon may be inciting a rebellion to take over the Federal Administration in the capital. His chances are slim, considering he has only a sabre and maybe the leather boots on his feet to fight with.
If Napoleon has any chance, it's if he can convince Joe Biden to join him on the warpath.


thespoof--2020-07-24--White Lies Matter as teen, who was caught taking too long in the bathroom, learns

Teen , Gary Crane , while visiting his aunt Martha ’ s house , was caught taking too long in the bathroom and , to protect her embarrassment , said he was masturbating .
‘ There ’ s a full length mirror in there , ’ said aunt Martha , ‘ and I sensed he was covering up for something .
You hear all sorts of stories about alcohol , drugs and environmentalism - I was worried.
’ What Gary was doing would let his family and friends down , let himself down and then as he let his pants @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Gary liked the full length mirror .
‘ I need to tell the world how good it feels , ’ said Gary .
Gary , lied to friends about joining the ‘ Build That Wall ’ volunteer programme and underneath his MAGA sweatshirt he secretly wore a T with the damning words ‘ Climate change is real - I heart wind farms ’ .
‘ I reached out over breakfast , ’ said aunt Martha , ‘ but he stuck to his masturbating story .
If only that was true but I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Paris Agreement on climate change.
’ Aunt Martha understands what he ’ s going through as she recyled when she was younger but she turned out normal .
‘ Once he and his generation get college debt round their necks they ’ ll wake up .
But a lie , is a lie !
’ said Aunt Martha , ‘ Some might say I ’ m being flippant and missing some cultural point but I think he needs to learn that whether it ’ s black or white , hashtag , all lies @ @ @

Teen, Gary Crane, while visiting his aunt Martha’s house, was caught taking too long in the bathroom and, to protect her embarrassment, said he was masturbating.
‘There’s a full length mirror in there,’ said aunt Martha, ‘and I sensed he was covering up for something. You hear all sorts of stories about alcohol, drugs and environmentalism - I was worried.’
What Gary was doing would let his family and friends down, let himself down and then as he let his pants down he revealed his Jo Biden underwear. Gary liked the full length mirror.
‘I need to tell the world how good it feels,’ said Gary.
Gary, lied to friends about joining the ‘Build That Wall’ volunteer programme and underneath his MAGA sweatshirt he secretly wore a T with the damning words ‘Climate change is real - I heart wind farms’.
‘I reached out over breakfast,’ said aunt Martha, ‘but he stuck to his masturbating story. If only that was true but I think he’s been sharing The Paris Agreement on climate change.’
Aunt Martha understands what he’s going through as she recyled when she was younger but she turned out normal.
‘Once he and his generation get college debt round their necks they’ll wake up. But a lie, is a lie!’ said Aunt Martha, ‘Some might say I’m being flippant and missing some cultural point but I think he needs to learn that whether it’s black or white, hashtag, all lies matter.’


thespoof--2020-07-24--Can You Get Covid-19 From A Toilet Seat?

Fake news report - Dozens of readers have contacted The Spoof , inquiring about the report on Fox TV and One America News that the primary transmission source for Covid-19 is a toilet seat .
The Spoof , in turn , has passed that question on to the experts here at the CDC .
`` The best advice is to wear a mask . ''
When a puzzled reporter asked how a mask could protect a would-be victim , he said he meant a bottom mask that would keep the flesh off the seat .
`` Dispose of it after @ @ @ @ @ @ @ White House Physician , Sean Conley , who put the president on that strange unpronounceable drug to fight Covid-19 , says the best prevention is to wipe down the seat with an anti-viral solution before and after each use .
However , he is sure the president will not mandate that each public restroom maintain a bottle of the anti-viral stuff .
A spokesman for `` Straight America '' forcefully argued that the real problem is gay men who , he claimed , were primarily responsible for spreading the virus .
He would @ @ @ @ @ @ @ use any public toilet .
In the meantime , public restrooms seem to be out of conventional seat covers , as their use has suddenly skyrocketed .

Fake news report - Dozens of readers have contacted The Spoof, inquiring about the report on Fox TV and One America News that the primary transmission source for Covid-19 is a toilet seat. The Spoof, in turn, has passed that question on to the experts here at the CDC.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's leading expert on contagious diseases, responded:
"The best advice is to wear a mask."
When a puzzled reporter asked how a mask could protect a would-be victim, he said he meant a bottom mask that would keep the flesh off the seat.
"Dispose of it after every flush!" he suggested.
White House Physician, Sean Conley, who put the president on that strange unpronounceable drug to fight Covid-19, says the best prevention is to wipe down the seat with an anti-viral solution before and after each use. However, he is sure the president will not mandate that each public restroom maintain a bottle of the anti-viral stuff.
A spokesman for "Straight America" forcefully argued that the real problem is gay men who, he claimed, were primarily responsible for spreading the virus. He would make it a crime for gays to use any public toilet.
In the meantime, public restrooms seem to be out of conventional seat covers, as their use has suddenly skyrocketed.


thespoof--2020-07-24--President Trump Says He is Cancelling The Republican National Convention Due to Possible Hurricanes

WASHINGTON , D.C. ( Fake News ) – The Electoral College president has just announced that he has decided to cancel the RNC convention that was to have taken place in the pretty , hurricane-prone town of Jacksonville , Florida .
POTUS said that the reason for the cancellation is because many of the nation 's meteorologists have said that Florida could be hit by as many as six hurricanes between now and election day .
Trump said that he does not want to possibly subject his devoted and easily-influenced base to having their trucks and Confederate flags blown into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and the Gulf of Peru on the other side .
Dr Yang Fu Fi has once again reminded the president that , if he does not start settling down and quit being so mean , so hateful , and such a pathetically pitiful excuse for a president , he is going to turn into one big gigantic orange ball of stress .
The highly-respected White House physician also pointed out that the president is getting to the point where men in white jumpsuits , are going to grab him and forcefully transport him @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Pathologically Looney .

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Fake News) – The Electoral College president has just announced that he has decided to cancel the RNC convention that was to have taken place in the pretty, hurricane-prone town of Jacksonville, Florida.
POTUS said that the reason for the cancellation is because many of the nation's meteorologists have said that Florida could be hit by as many as six hurricanes between now and election day.
Trump said that he does not want to possibly subject his devoted and easily-influenced base to having their trucks and Confederate flags blown into the Atlantic Ocean on one side, and the Gulf of Peru on the other side.
Dr Yang Fu Fi has once again reminded the president that, if he does not start settling down and quit being so mean, so hateful, and such a pathetically pitiful excuse for a president, he is going to turn into one big gigantic orange ball of stress.
The highly-respected White House physician also pointed out that the president is getting to the point where men in white jumpsuits, are going to grab him and forcefully transport him to the Mount Sinus Mental Institute for the Pathologically Looney.


thespoof--2020-07-27--A White House Source Said That Kellyanne Conway Talked the President out of Napalming Portland

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake news story ) A highly-reliable source within the White House walls has revealed that @ @ @ @ @ calling in a napalm air strike on the Portland protesters .
The source said that @ @ @ @ @ to the pilot who was to have flown the napalm bombing mission .
Reports are @ @ @ @ @ Colonel on how he wanted him to carry out the bombing mission .
But , @ @ @ @ @ Conway that , if he did napalm the anti-Electoral College protesters , his approval numbers @ @ @ @ @ % to possibly minus 3 % , so he decided to change his mind .
@ @ @ @ @ person he is , he noted that the napalming is still on the table ; @ @ @ @ @ him off .
Press secretary Kayleigh McEnany was overheard to softly say , “ Good @ @ @ @ @ good boy .
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake news story) A highly-reliable source within the White House walls has revealed that the President was actually considering calling in a napalm air strike on the Portland protesters.
The source said that the President had already talked to the pilot who was to have flown the napalm bombing mission.
Reports are that Trump had instructed the Colonel on how he wanted him to carry out the bombing mission.
But, after being told by Kellyanne Conway that, if he did napalm the anti-Electoral College protesters, his approval numbers would go down from 17% to possibly minus 3%, so he decided to change his mind.
But, being the hard-orange-headed person he is, he noted that the napalming is still on the table; especially if CNN keeps pissing him off.
Press secretary Kayleigh McEnany was overheard to softly say, “Good boy, Mr. President, good boy.”


thespoof--2020-07-27--An Enterprising Woman Is Making a Killing Selling C-19 Masks Made out of Her Bras

CHATTANOOGA , Tennessee – ( Funny news story ) Reports coming out of the Volunteer State say that , due to the scarcity of medical masks , some citizens have resorted to making masks out of women ’ s underwear .
A reporter with the History Channel spoke with Reggie Buckenboro , who said that his live-in girlfriend , Dotttie “ Peaches ” Mitzenhaufer , was a seamstress , and she had taken 45 of her brassieres , and had sewn them into eye-catching , sexy medical masks .
Buckenboro says that he is proud of his girlfriend , who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sold every one of them within 17 minutes .
He added that each bra comes with instructions , and is personally autographed by “ Peaches ” .
The couple said that they are now asking female relatives , friends , co-workers , neighbors , and even strangers , to donate some of their bras , so that Dottie can make some more .
Buckenboro mentioned that his woman will donate 25 cents for each bra mask sold to a local food bank that will deliver food to stay-at-homers , shelter-in-placers , and , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Carolinas , hunker-downers .

CHATTANOOGA, Tennessee – (Funny news story) Reports coming out of the Volunteer State say that, due to the scarcity of medical masks, some citizens have resorted to making masks out of women’s underwear.
A reporter with the History Channel spoke with Reggie Buckenboro, who said that his live-in girlfriend, Dotttie “Peaches” Mitzenhaufer, was a seamstress, and she had taken 45 of her brassieres, and had sewn them into eye-catching, sexy medical masks.
Buckenboro says that he is proud of his girlfriend, who put the bra masks on eBay and sold every one of them within 17 minutes.
He added that each bra comes with instructions, and is personally autographed by “Peaches”.
The couple said that they are now asking female relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even strangers, to donate some of their bras, so that Dottie can make some more.
Buckenboro mentioned that his woman will donate 25 cents for each bra mask sold to a local food bank that will deliver food to stay-at-homers, shelter-in-placers, and, as they say in Florida and the Carolinas, hunker-downers.


thespoof--2020-07-27--A Woman In Boston Eats Her Mask After Being Refused Service at a Jack-in-the-Box

BOSTON – ( Fake news ) Police are reporting that a woman , who was in the drive-thru lane at a local Jack-in-the-Box , has been taken into custody .
A BPD spokesperson said that 89-year-old Ella Laverne Cornball was waiting in line at the fast food place to place her order .
She was told by a restaurant employee that she had to leave .
When she asked why , she was told it was because she did not have a vehicle .
A witness said that , suddenly , the customer began jumping up and down , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sounded like Norwegian , Botswanian , or Choctaw .
Employees remarked that , at that point , the octogenarian took off her “ Old Lives Matter ” medical mask , and proceeded to eat it .
The employee said that , at first , she was going to try and stop her , but she decided that she didn ’ t want to get bitten by a crazy-ass bitch .
Mrs .
Cornball was arrested , and is currently sitting in the downtown Boston Police Station , trying to find someone to pay @ @ @ @ @

BOSTON – (Fake news) Police are reporting that a woman, who was in the drive-thru lane at a local Jack-in-the-Box, has been taken into custody.
A BPD spokesperson said that 89-year-old Ella Laverne Cornball was waiting in line at the fast food place to place her order.
She was told by a restaurant employee that she had to leave. When she asked why, she was told it was because she did not have a vehicle.
A witness said that, suddenly, the customer began jumping up and down, and cussing at the employee, in what sounded like Norwegian, Botswanian, or Choctaw.
Employees remarked that, at that point, the octogenarian took off her “Old Lives Matter” medical mask, and proceeded to eat it.
The employee said that, at first, she was going to try and stop her, but she decided that she didn’t want to get bitten by a crazy-ass bitch.
Mrs. Cornball was arrested, and is currently sitting in the downtown Boston Police Station, trying to find someone to pay her $45 bail.


thespoof--2020-07-26--President Trump didn't send a single tweet today

11:59pm - There was a virtual storm on social media this evening , and several posts went viral when it was realized that President Donald J. Trump had not sent a single Twitter tweet all day !
The Trumpster , as he is known by some satirists , had been so busy during the daylight hours , that he just did n't seem to have the time to tweet his thoughts .
Just after breakfast , Trumpovich , as he is sometimes called by satirists , had intended to tweet something about the Coronavirus , but his wife , Melania @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a puncture on Eric 's bicycle , and he sighed , and went to fix it .
While attending to the bike , he had a funny idea about Joe Biden , and decided to tweet it when he 'd finished .
This plan was ruined , however , when one of the White House maids turned up with a special treat - a huge basin full of homemade strawberry ice cream , especially for her favorite Liar-in-Chief , as some complete-wastes-of-time call him .
The ice cream was followed by lunch : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of fries , all washed down with a bucketful of Coke .
The 45th POTUS took out his phone to tweet , but was overtaken by sleep - he 'd had a busy morning !
Waking up at 4:30 pm , Trumpelstiltskin , as he 's sometimes referred to by Cher , Demi Lovato , Taylor Swift , Britt Ekland , Elton John , Uncle Tom Cobbley , and Racquel Welch 's big tits , reached for his phone , but there was more work , when his daughter , Ivanka , asked @ @ @ @ @ @ @ twisted bra strap .
This took a while , but once the Orange Tweet Creep , as he is sometimes labeled by deranged writers , had disentangled the strap from his thoughts , he settled down to tweet about his day .
Before he was able to do this , however , Melania called on him again .
Could he go to the store and get some oil for Eric 's bike chain , as it had come off again ?
Now he was going to get his hands dirty !
He decided @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as she is sometimes known , had gone to sleep , as it is sometimes known .

11:59pm - There was a virtual storm on social media this evening, and several posts went viral when it was realized that President Donald J. Trump had not sent a single Twitter tweet all day!
The Trumpster, as he is known by some satirists, had been so busy during the daylight hours, that he just didn't seem to have the time to tweet his thoughts.
Just after breakfast, Trumpovich, as he is sometimes called by satirists, had intended to tweet something about the Coronavirus, but his wife, Melania, asked him if he'd mend a puncture on Eric's bicycle, and he sighed, and went to fix it.
While attending to the bike, he had a funny idea about Joe Biden, and decided to tweet it when he'd finished.
This plan was ruined, however, when one of the White House maids turned up with a special treat - a huge basin full of homemade strawberry ice cream, especially for her favorite Liar-in-Chief, as some complete-wastes-of-time call him.
The ice cream was followed by lunch: two Big Macs with a large portion of fries, all washed down with a bucketful of Coke.
The 45th POTUS took out his phone to tweet, but was overtaken by sleep - he'd had a busy morning!
Waking up at 4:30 pm, Trumpelstiltskin, as he's sometimes referred to by Cher, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Britt Ekland, Elton John, Uncle Tom Cobbley, and Racquel Welch's big tits, reached for his phone, but there was more work, when his daughter, Ivanka, asked her daddy to help her with her twisted bra strap.
This took a while, but once the Orange Tweet Creep, as he is sometimes labeled by deranged writers, had disentangled the strap from his thoughts, he settled down to tweet about his day.
Before he was able to do this, however, Melania called on him again. Could he go to the store and get some oil for Eric's bike chain, as it had come off again?
Now he was going to get his hands dirty!
He decided to leave the tweeting until Melly, as she is sometimes known, had gone to sleep, as it is sometimes known.


thespoof--2020-07-26--President Trump Has Banned The Playing of Hip Hop and Rap Music in the White House

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake News ) President Trump has made it very clear that , not only does @ @ @ @ @ Lives Matter movement , but he truly despises rap music and hip hop music .
@ @ @ @ @ executive order prohibiting the playing , in the White House , of hip hop music @ @ @ @ @ even songs by Taylor Swift , who , he says , hates him more than @ @ @ @ @ The `` Bully-in-Chief '' talked with CNN ’ s Don Lemon , and told him @ @ @ @ @ but he would rather get bit on his testicles by a piranha than to listen @ @ @ @ @ Lemon just shook his head and remarked , `` Dude , your deck of cards @ @ @ @ @ .
You need to leave here , and go directly to the emergency room , @ @ @ @ @ as soon as humanly possible . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) President Trump has made it very clear that, not only does he not like the Black Lives Matter movement, but he truly despises rap music and hip hop music.
He has issued a presidential executive order prohibiting the playing, in the White House, of hip hop music, rap music, and even songs by Taylor Swift, who, he says, hates him more than he hates Colin Kaepernick.
The "Bully-in-Chief" talked with CNN’s Don Lemon, and told him not to take offense, but he would rather get bit on his testicles by a piranha than to listen to hip hop music.
Lemon just shook his head and remarked, "Dude, your deck of cards is missing about 27 cards. You need to leave here, and go directly to the emergency room, and get some medical attention as soon as humanly possible."


thespoof--2020-07-26--Melania Trump Says That It Is Time To Have The President Committed Before He Hurts Himself or Someon

Melania Trump Says That It Is Time To Have The President Committed Before He Hurts Himself or Someone Else

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Fake News Story ) President Trump ’ s doctor accidentally revealed to the news media that “ Orange Boy ” is 69 pounds overweight .
The doctor said that he has tried to put the president on a diet , but he always says the same thing : “ Doc , I look like a 32-year-old bodybuilder .
My weight is perfect , my height is perfect , and most of my hair is perfect.
” Melania has told Ivanka that she really feels that it is time for her and her brothers , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a presidential intervention , and have old DJT committed .
The First Lady said that she is afraid that the President may hurt himself , or someone else .
She said that , the other day , she caught him playing with the missile launching remote while he was showering .
She took it away from him , and she hid it in her underwear drawer .
The First Lady told Ivanka that she is going to take up mountain climbing , just to get away from Washington , D.C. and Donaldo .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ stand to see her husband 's political career floundering in the toilet .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News Story) President Trump’s doctor accidentally revealed to the news media that “Orange Boy” is 69 pounds overweight.
The doctor said that he has tried to put the president on a diet, but he always says the same thing: “Doc, I look like a 32-year-old bodybuilder. My weight is perfect, my height is perfect, and most of my hair is perfect.”
Melania has told Ivanka that she really feels that it is time for her and her brothers, and niece Mary Trump, to all have a presidential intervention, and have old DJT committed.
The First Lady said that she is afraid that the President may hurt himself, or someone else.
She said that, the other day, she caught him playing with the missile launching remote while he was showering. She took it away from him, and she hid it in her underwear drawer.
The First Lady told Ivanka that she is going to take up mountain climbing, just to get away from Washington, D.C. and Donaldo.
She added that she can no longer stand to see her husband's political career floundering in the toilet.


thespoof--2020-07-26--The Pied Piper of The Potomac, Admits That, If Adolf Hitler Were Alive Today, He Would Pardon Him

WASHINGTON , D.C. ( Fake News story ) – The man who many Republicans are now calling the messed-up fella , who is going to not only lose the presidential election , but the Senate as well , says he has been feeling ill lately .
He said that it ’ s not his bone spurs , or his pathological lying , but something else .
He pointed to his head , and noted that , lately , its been feeling kind of empty .
POTUS said that , at night , as he is massaging Melania 's feet , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ echo sound coming from where his brain is located .
He said that they both laugh , pop some Chicken McNuggets in their mouths , and go back to watching reruns of ” The Three Stooges ” .
Trumpovich was asked by MSNBC ’ s Rachel Maddow why he pardoned Roger Stone , who is as guilty of crimes as Adolf Hitler was .
`` The Electoral College President '' became all upset , and started spitting uncontrollably , all over President Andrew Jackson ’ s portrait .
He expressed that he has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , and he can do whatever the hell he wants .
When asked if he would pardon Adolf Hitler , `` The Mar-a-Lago Liar '' said that he most certainly would , and he ’ d also throw in pardons for Hirohito , Stalin , Mussolini , Ghislaine Maxwell , and Pete Rose .

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Fake News story) – The man who many Republicans are now calling the messed-up fella, who is going to not only lose the presidential election, but the Senate as well, says he has been feeling ill lately.
He said that it’s not his bone spurs, or his pathological lying, but something else. He pointed to his head, and noted that, lately, its been feeling kind of empty.
POTUS said that, at night, as he is massaging Melania's feet, they both hear a type of hollow echo sound coming from where his brain is located.
He said that they both laugh, pop some Chicken McNuggets in their mouths, and go back to watching reruns of ”The Three Stooges”.
Trumpovich was asked by MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow why he pardoned Roger Stone, who is as guilty of crimes as Adolf Hitler was.
"The Electoral College President" became all upset, and started spitting uncontrollably, all over President Andrew Jackson’s portrait.
He expressed that he has become more and more like a king, and he can do whatever the hell he wants.
When asked if he would pardon Adolf Hitler, "The Mar-a-Lago Liar" said that he most certainly would, and he’d also throw in pardons for Hirohito, Stalin, Mussolini, Ghislaine Maxwell, and Pete Rose.


thespoof--2020-07-26--Kanye West Demands That People Stop Calling Him a Crybaby

WEST HOLLYWOOD , California – ( Fake news story ) Kanye West said he is disappointed in the American people .
He pointed out that just because he is one of the most sensitive individuals in Tinsel Town , that does not mean that he is not qualified to be president .
After shedding what one audience member said was about 400 teardrops during his first presidential campaign rally , Kanye pointed out that he has been suffering from the Asiatic All-Inclusive Flu .
He said that it affects your tear ducts , and it prevents them from closing properly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ one is crying .
West said that , truth be told , he was actually laughing , but the cameras made it look like he was weeping , like some uncontrollable banshee bitch .
Reporters played and replayed the video tape where Mr. Kim Kardashian can be heard saying , “ Hey , y ’ all I ai n't crying , it 's just a combination of sweat and allergies.
” Kanye said that , if he keeps getting called a crybaby by the American voters , he ’ ll just drop out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will get stuck with Trump or Biden .

WEST HOLLYWOOD, California – (Fake news story) Kanye West said he is disappointed in the American people. He pointed out that just because he is one of the most sensitive individuals in Tinsel Town, that does not mean that he is not qualified to be president.
After shedding what one audience member said was about 400 teardrops during his first presidential campaign rally, Kanye pointed out that he has been suffering from the Asiatic All-Inclusive Flu.
He said that it affects your tear ducts, and it prevents them from closing properly, thus giving off an appearance that one is crying.
West said that, truth be told, he was actually laughing, but the cameras made it look like he was weeping, like some uncontrollable banshee bitch.
Reporters played and replayed the video tape where Mr. Kim Kardashian can be heard saying, “Hey, y’all I ain't crying, it's just a combination of sweat and allergies.”
Kanye said that, if he keeps getting called a crybaby by the American voters, he’ll just drop out of the presidential race and the voters will get stuck with Trump or Biden.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Donald Trump expresses surprise at how many shit stories about him there are on The Spoof

White House insiders have revealed that President Trump has expressed surprise over what he called the `` obsessive attempts to soil his reputation '' by writers on an online fake news source , The Spoof .
Trump claims certain writers , in particular , seems to devote an enormous amount of time making up trashy stories which are entirely lacking in humor , sense or a point .
According to one insider , he was astonished that anyone would take so much trouble to write so much trash about him on a daily basis , bearing in mind the fake @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as ridiculous as the real-life version !
He has told his colleagues that he does n't care much for ANY kind of criticism , but when the person doing the criticizing does so by placing him in situations as stupid as those he had , it needed some kind of intervention .
For instance , said Mr. Trump , Timmy , the 8-year-old boy he pays to monitor what is being written about him on The Spoof , highlighted several stories which , Timmy said , `` could only have been written by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Plus , he 's probably an aging pervert , '' said Timmy .
Trump had presented close aides with a list of `` spoofs '' which he said were good examples of just how depraved and retarded some of their writers were .
One of them featured him admitting that he had been molested by Ghislaine Maxwell .
Another reported that he had invited little league baseball players to visit him at the White House while they were not wearing face masks .
One story claimed he was intent on deporting members of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump saying he had ordered Federal troops to fire tear gas and rubber bullets at a crowd of Portland mothers .
Two previous pieces of absolute garbage said that Trump had cancelled the National Convention because of the possibility of Hurricanes , and that Hope Hicks was going to be his next wife !
Many such stories have very strange names for Trump 's penis , and even the word 'sex ' is taboo , with substitutes like `` hortizontal hokey-pokey '' being used instead .
All of these stories , said Timmy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ suggest that the writers are closet homosexuals .

White House insiders have revealed that President Trump has expressed surprise over what he called the "obsessive attempts to soil his reputation" by writers on an online fake news source, The Spoof.
Trump claims certain writers, in particular, seems to devote an enormous amount of time making up trashy stories which are entirely lacking in humor, sense or a point.
According to one insider, he was astonished that anyone would take so much trouble to write so much trash about him on a daily basis, bearing in mind the fake spoof version could never get anywhere near as ridiculous as the real-life version!
He has told his colleagues that he doesn't care much for ANY kind of criticism, but when the person doing the criticizing does so by placing him in situations as stupid as those he had, it needed some kind of intervention.
For instance, said Mr. Trump, Timmy, the 8-year-old boy he pays to monitor what is being written about him on The Spoof, highlighted several stories which, Timmy said, "could only have been written by someone with brain damage."
"Plus, he's probably an aging pervert," said Timmy.
Trump had presented close aides with a list of "spoofs" which he said were good examples of just how depraved and retarded some of their writers were.
One of them featured him admitting that he had been molested by Ghislaine Maxwell.
Another reported that he had invited little league baseball players to visit him at the White House while they were not wearing face masks.
One story claimed he was intent on deporting members of the Lincoln Project.
Yet another had Trump saying he had ordered Federal troops to fire tear gas and rubber bullets at a crowd of Portland mothers.
Two previous pieces of absolute garbage said that Trump had cancelled the National Convention because of the possibility of Hurricanes, and that Hope Hicks was going to be his next wife!
Many such stories have very strange names for Trump's penis, and even the word 'sex' is taboo, with substitutes like "hortizontal hokey-pokey" being used instead.
All of these stories, said Timmy, are weak and pathetic, and suggest that the writers are closet homosexuals.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Donald Trump Vows To Deport Every Last Member of The Lincoln Project Before He Leaves Office in Six

Donald Trump Vows To Deport Every Last Member of The Lincoln Project Before He Leaves Office in Six Months

BISON BUTT , Montana ( Fake News ) – The president traveled to Montana on Air Force One to play a round of golf with a very , very rich businessman who had donated $ 4 million to his re-election campaign .
While shooting golf with M.F .
Brewbergen , who is the owner of Brewbergen Crop Rotating Tractors , he told reporters that M.F .
is now his brand new BFF .
When he was asked if Brewbergen would now be replacing Putin in the BFF category , POTUS smiled , and said , “ Oh , yes , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ $ 5 million donation . ''
Trump was asked about the fact that George Conway ’ s Lincoln Project now has over 19 million , dues-paying members , who all want him out of the White House quicker than it takes a drop of rain to evaporate in the Sahara Desert .
The man who has over 669 nicknames , at last count , became very upset , turned burnt orange , and actually had some spit come out of the right side of his mouth .
He then made it clear that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the economy , health care , Barron 's college fund , the Coronavirus pandemic , or the shortage of toilet paper .
He puffed out his overweight body , and said that his number one priority , before he leaves the White House in January , is to deport every last member of the anti-Trump group , the Lincoln Project .
He then added that he hates to do it , but his top adviser , Kellyanne Conway ’ s husband will soon have a new address : 123 Polar Bear Lane , @ @ @

BISON BUTT, Montana (Fake News) – The president traveled to Montana on Air Force One to play a round of golf with a very, very rich businessman who had donated $4 million to his re-election campaign.
While shooting golf with M.F. Brewbergen, who is the owner of Brewbergen Crop Rotating Tractors, he told reporters that M.F. is now his brand new BFF.
When he was asked if Brewbergen would now be replacing Putin in the BFF category, POTUS smiled, and said, “Oh, yes, unless Vlady can come up with a $5 million donation."
Trump was asked about the fact that George Conway’s Lincoln Project now has over 19 million, dues-paying members, who all want him out of the White House quicker than it takes a drop of rain to evaporate in the Sahara Desert.
The man who has over 669 nicknames, at last count, became very upset, turned burnt orange, and actually had some spit come out of the right side of his mouth.
He then made it clear that his number one goal is no longer the economy, health care, Barron's college fund, the Coronavirus pandemic, or the shortage of toilet paper.
He puffed out his overweight body, and said that his number one priority, before he leaves the White House in January, is to deport every last member of the anti-Trump group, the Lincoln Project.
He then added that he hates to do it, but his top adviser, Kellyanne Conway’s husband will soon have a new address: 123 Polar Bear Lane, in Siberia.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Demi Lovato Talks About Those COVID-19 Rumors and The Texts From President Trump

HOLLYWOOD – ( Funny fake story ) Demi Lovato was seen shopping at a local Macy ’ s , while wearing a 'Singer Lives Matter ' halter-top and a pair of skinny jeans that she said Beyonce had given her for her 27th birthday .
Lovato told reporters that she recently had to admonish the president , because he was sending her as many as six text messages a day .
Reporters reported that Demi finally asked him where in the world he found the time to text her , what with all the time he spends on the golf @ @ @ @ @ @ @ BFF Sean Hannity , and those secret lunch dates with Hope Hicks .
The word is that he ignored her , and asked her about the rumor he had heard on MSNBC , that she had come down with the Coronapalooza pandemic virus .
Lovato said it was not true , and that it was just a minor yeast infection .
She then informed him that Mark Zuckerberg had told her that the rumor had come from the master bedroom in the White House .
Trump assured her that he would find the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ loser maid deported back to Herzegovina .

HOLLYWOOD – (Funny fake story) Demi Lovato was seen shopping at a local Macy’s, while wearing a 'Singer Lives Matter' halter-top and a pair of skinny jeans that she said Beyonce had given her for her 27th birthday.
Lovato told reporters that she recently had to admonish the president, because he was sending her as many as six text messages a day.
Reporters reported that Demi finally asked him where in the world he found the time to text her, what with all the time he spends on the golf course, on the phone with his BFF Sean Hannity, and those secret lunch dates with Hope Hicks.
The word is that he ignored her, and asked her about the rumor he had heard on MSNBC, that she had come down with the Coronapalooza pandemic virus.
Lovato said it was not true, and that it was just a minor yeast infection. She then informed him that Mark Zuckerberg had told her that the rumor had come from the master bedroom in the White House.
Trump assured her that he would find the culprit, and see about having the loser maid deported back to Herzegovina.


thespoof--2020-07-25--President Trump Welcomes Mask-less Little Leaguers To The White House

WASHINGTON , D.C. ( Funny Sports Story ) – President Trump told a group of little leaguers from Mosquito Creek , Mississippi , that , if they ’ re nice , humble , honest , and never , ever tell a lie , then maybe someday , just maybe , they , too , may grow up to be the greatest , most powerful , and handsome man in the entire universe , including Neptune and Uranus .
One of the boys threw up , but he was instantly led away by two Secret Service agents .
Another of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anti-Trumper , simply asked POTUS what Stormy Daniels was really like .
Three Secret Service agents led him away to a waiting police car .
Trump welcomed the all-white little fellas to the White House , and told them not to believe what Nancy Pelosi , Mary Trump , or Don Lemon say .
One of the kids asked Trump if they were going to be eating some Filet Mignon steaks .
POTUS hollered at Vice-President Pence and Kellyanne Conway to bring out the big washtub filled with Big Macs .
CNN reported @ @ @ @ @ @ @ yell out , “ Four more years !
Four more years ! ''
And right away , seven of the boys began hollering , “ Hell no !
Hell no !
” White House Press Secretary , Kayleigh McEnany , said that the boys had the greatest time of their little middle-class lives .

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Funny Sports Story) – President Trump told a group of little leaguers from Mosquito Creek, Mississippi, that, if they’re nice, humble, honest, and never, ever tell a lie, then maybe someday, just maybe, they, too, may grow up to be the greatest, most powerful, and handsome man in the entire universe, including Neptune and Uranus.
One of the boys threw up, but he was instantly led away by two Secret Service agents.
Another of the young boys, who is obviously an anti-Trumper, simply asked POTUS what Stormy Daniels was really like. Three Secret Service agents led him away to a waiting police car.
Trump welcomed the all-white little fellas to the White House, and told them not to believe what Nancy Pelosi, Mary Trump, or Don Lemon say.
One of the kids asked Trump if they were going to be eating some Filet Mignon steaks.
POTUS hollered at Vice-President Pence and Kellyanne Conway to bring out the big washtub filled with Big Macs.
CNN reported that three of the boys began to yell out, “Four more years! Four more years!"
And right away, seven of the boys began hollering, “Hell no! Hell no!”
White House Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, said that the boys had the greatest time of their little middle-class lives.


thespoof--2020-07-25--Biden Blames Penis Pump For Cognitive Lapses

BILLINGSGATE POST : At first , apologists for Joe Biden blamed his mental lapses for having inhaled while sniffing hairdos @ @ @ @ @ who blamed it on his age , saying that it ’ s not unusual for @ @ @ @ @ call a student a “ lying dog-faced pony soldier ” .
Biden , in an @ @ @ @ @ blamed his penis pump for his problems : “ How can I concentrate when that @ @ @ @ @ ” Other than hermetically sealing his head in an airtight globe and feeding him kibbles @ @ @ @ @ what can be done to keep him on track ?
Slim : “ I ’ @ @ @ @ @ out why he called the guy a lying dog-faced pony soldier.
” Dirty : “ @ @ @ @ @ have just watched “ Fort Apache ” .

BILLINGSGATE POST: At first, apologists for Joe Biden blamed his mental lapses for having inhaled while sniffing hairdos. Then there were those who blamed it on his age, saying that it’s not unusual for someone 77 years old to call a student a “lying dog-faced pony soldier”.
Biden, in an interview with Don Lemon, blamed his penis pump for his problems:
“How can I concentrate when that baby is humming away?”
Other than hermetically sealing his head in an airtight globe and feeding him kibbles when he responds correctly, what can be done to keep him on track?
Slim: “I’m still trying to figure out why he called the guy a lying dog-faced pony soldier.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Must have just watched “Fort Apache”.