Putin poisons HIM!

( NOT EDITED ) In an attempt to manipulate the coming US election , Putin sent one of his spies into the White House , disguised as a sous-chef .
Security screening the spy were too busy keeping HIM away from Chancellor Merkel just in case she sneezed on HIM .
The Russian sous-chef slipped by and prepared a marzipan tart , HIS favorite !
He also slipped a few drops of Russia 's favorite poison , Novichock , into the tart and , after consuming several huge pieces , HE fell ill. Keeping the attack top secret , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The president has caught corona and his missus too ! ''
Before HE was carted off to a local hospital , HE , told his press officers to tell the world that HE has the dreaded virus , and it was n't Putin .
Luckily , after consuming the tart , White House nurses stuck their finger down his ginormous throat and HE puked the shit out , just like HE does when HE 's on TV , puking shit out !
The reason for the cover-up and issuing of fake-news , his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the sympathy charts against the other Jurassic candidate , it 's a perfect opportunity for HIM to gain sympathy votes .
From his hospital bed HE sent Putin a huge ; `` благодарю вас ( thanks a million pal ) for manipulating the US Election once again , what would I do without you ? ''
Tweet .
Putin denied anything to do with poisoning HIM and went for a bare-back ride on a passing grizzly bear ...

(NOT EDITED) In an attempt to manipulate the coming US election, Putin sent one of his spies into the White House, disguised as a sous-chef. Security screening the spy were too busy keeping HIM away from Chancellor Merkel just in case she sneezed on HIM. The Russian sous-chef slipped by and prepared a marzipan tart, HIS favorite!
He also slipped a few drops of Russia's favorite poison, Novichock, into the tart and, after consuming several huge pieces, HE fell ill. Keeping the attack top secret, the FBI issued the following statement:
"The president has caught corona and his missus too!"
Before HE was carted off to a local hospital, HE, told his press officers to tell the world that HE has the dreaded virus, and it wasn't Putin. Luckily, after consuming the tart, White House nurses stuck their finger down his ginormous throat and HE puked the shit out, just like HE does when HE's on TV, puking shit out!
The reason for the cover-up and issuing of fake-news, his favorite hobby, is obvious; trailing in the sympathy charts against the other Jurassic candidate, it's a perfect opportunity for HIM to gain sympathy votes.
From his hospital bed HE sent Putin a huge; "благодарю вас (thanks a million pal) for manipulating the US Election once again, what would I do without you?" Tweet.
Putin denied anything to do with poisoning HIM and went for a bare-back ride on a passing grizzly bear...


thespoof--2020-10-03--President Trump Says He's Feeling a Bit Better After His Doctor Put Him on a Strict Anti-Coronavirus

President Trump Says He's Feeling a Bit Better After His Doctor Put Him on a Strict Anti-Coronavirus McDonald’s Food Regimen

BETHESDA , Maryland – ( Satire News ) – President Trump was flown to the Walter Reed National Military Medical @ @ @ @ @ Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter .
Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that they had to @ @ @ @ @ case they were attacked by an Al-Qaeda terrorist group based in Minnesota .
Air Force @ @ @ @ @ known Al-Qaeda choppers about 35 miles from the hospital .
Trump 's private physician Dr. @ @ @ @ @ the assembled media that the President , who is extremely overweight , is going to @ @ @ @ @ 47 pounds .
So Dr. Fu Fi has put him on a strict anti-Coronavirus McDonald @ @ @ @ @ When asked by reporters what that comprised , he said that Trump can eat an @ @ @ @ @ a Big Mac for lunch , and a Big Mac and an order of French @ @ @ @ @ doctor then added Donald can also have a midnight snack , which will consist of @ @ @ @ @ a papaya , but not both .

BETHESDA, Maryland – (Satire News) – President Trump was flown to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in a U.S. Army Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter.
Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that they had to use a military helicopter in case they were attacked by an Al-Qaeda terrorist group based in Minnesota.
Air Force radar had earlier detected two known Al-Qaeda choppers about 35 miles from the hospital.
Trump's private physician Dr. Yang Fu Fi, told the assembled media that the President, who is extremely overweight, is going to have to lose at least 47 pounds.
So Dr. Fu Fi has put him on a strict anti-Coronavirus McDonald’s food regimen.
When asked by reporters what that comprised, he said that Trump can eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast, a Big Mac for lunch, and a Big Mac and an order of French fries for dinner.
The doctor then added Donald can also have a midnight snack, which will consist of two Oreo cookies or half a papaya, but not both.


thespoof--2020-10-03--Political Pundits Claim That Donald Trump’s Chances of Getting Re-Elected Are Now Slim to None

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) .
Most of the nation ’ s political pundits agree that Trump @ @ @ @ @ re-elected are now slim to none .
One pundit with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that @ @ @ @ @ White has a better chance of getting pregnant than “ The Golfer-in-Chief ” has of @ @ @ @ @ , that even the likes of hard-core Republicans like Ted Cruz , Marco Rubio , @ @ @ @ @ they are voting for Joe Biden .
Dobbs said that he got his feelings hurt @ @ @ @ @ said that he looked like an overweight bullfrog .
Cruz said that he remembers , @ @ @ @ @ cutting down his wife , his sister , two of his cousins , and even @ @ @ @ @ La Bruha ” Bamboo , saying that she looked like the wicked witch of Havana @

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News). Most of the nation’s political pundits agree that Trump’s chances of getting re-elected are now slim to none.
One pundit with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that he believes that 93-year-old Betty White has a better chance of getting pregnant than “The Golfer-in-Chief” has of getting re-elected.
Reports are, that even the likes of hard-core Republicans like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Lou Dobbs have said they are voting for Joe Biden.
Dobbs said that he got his feelings hurt when "Bunker Boy" said that he looked like an overweight bullfrog.
Cruz said that he remembers, four years ago, Trump cutting down his wife, his sister, two of his cousins, and even his grandmother, Bertha “La Bruha” Bamboo, saying that she looked like the wicked witch of Havana.


thespoof--2020-10-03--The Trump Women Say That Coronavirus Masks Are So Ugly

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – All of the Trump women sat mask-less at the recent presidential debate .
Cameras caught Melania , Ivanka , Tiffany , Lara , and Kimberly ( Guilfoyle ) , not wearing their masks , and looking like the cats that ate the canaries .
And now , one of the five , Melania , has the Coronavirus , that millions of people are now calling the Trumpapalooza virus .
Ivanka was asked by TMZ why she was not wearing a mask , and she sarcastically replied , “ Because I am @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Trumps never , ever get sick.
” Tiffany replied that masks are for losers .
Comedian Zydeco Dupree said of Tiffany 's comment , that the chubby little acorn certainly did n't fall far from the 'Trump ' tree .
Kimberly noted that she has enough problems with all of the recent sexual harassment accusations and counterfeiting charges that are hitting her left and right .
And Eric Trump 's wife , the arrogantly bitchy Lara , simply said that she takes orgasm pills , and they also work to fight off @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
When asked for a comment , the First Lady remarked , in her European accent , “ I am Slovenian , and as a Slovie , I hab nebber gotten ebun a sneeze or baginitis . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – All of the Trump women sat mask-less at the recent presidential debate.
Cameras caught Melania, Ivanka, Tiffany, Lara, and Kimberly (Guilfoyle), not wearing their masks, and looking like the cats that ate the canaries.
And now, one of the five, Melania, has the Coronavirus, that millions of people are now calling the Trumpapalooza virus.
Ivanka was asked by TMZ why she was not wearing a mask, and she sarcastically replied, “Because I am a Trump, and everyone knows that the Trumps never, ever get sick.”
Tiffany replied that masks are for losers.
Comedian Zydeco Dupree said of Tiffany's comment, that the chubby little acorn certainly didn't fall far from the 'Trump' tree.
Kimberly noted that she has enough problems with all of the recent sexual harassment accusations and counterfeiting charges that are hitting her left and right.
And Eric Trump's wife, the arrogantly bitchy Lara, simply said that she takes orgasm pills, and they also work to fight off germs, bacteria, and pubic itchiness.
When asked for a comment, the First Lady remarked, in her European accent, “I am Slovenian, and as a Slovie, I hab nebber gotten ebun a sneeze or baginitis."


thespoof--2020-10-04--President Trump To Take Part In Second Presidential Debate From His Sick Bed

After the high drama and the low intellect of the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and his rival , Joe Biden , and the President 's subsequent Coronavirus diagnosis , it 's been decided that , for the second debate , Trump will take part from his bedroom .
The first debate , on 29 September , was , according to many in political circles , `` a low point in US political history '' , with its distinctive feel of a schoolyard spat between two little boys , one of whom was a retarded bully .
The second @ @ @ @ @ @ @ will see TV cameras installed inside Trump 's bedroom , quite possibly with the latter splendidly clad in his Presidential Pajamas .
Also present , is expected to be the President 's teddy bear , Little Donny .
Big Donny and Little Donny have been together since Trump 's childhood , and it 's a widely-held belief that the two discuss major US policy issues together , tell stories to each other , and that Little Donny acts in an advisory capacity to the President .
The 'sick bed debate ' will be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the real Donald Trump , and to see his , rather than his workaday argumentative , antagonistic , lying , deceitful , misogynistic , racist , hateful , moronic side that his supporters have come to love .

After the high drama and the low intellect of the first presidential debate between Donald Trump and his rival, Joe Biden, and the President's subsequent Coronavirus diagnosis, it's been decided that, for the second debate, Trump will take part from his bedroom.
The first debate, on 29 September, was, according to many in political circles, "a low point in US political history", with its distinctive feel of a schoolyard spat between two little boys, one of whom was a retarded bully.
The second debate, scheduled for 15 October, will see TV cameras installed inside Trump's bedroom, quite possibly with the latter splendidly clad in his Presidential Pajamas.
Also present, is expected to be the President's teddy bear, Little Donny.
Big Donny and Little Donny have been together since Trump's childhood, and it's a widely-held belief that the two discuss major US policy issues together, tell stories to each other, and that Little Donny acts in an advisory capacity to the President.


thespoof--2020-10-04--Donald Trump diagnosed with Schadenfreude’s Disease (and Coronavirus)

A White House spokesman disclosed that President Trump is suffering from Schadenfreude ’ s Disease .
And the Coronavirus .
The 74-year-old US president has tweeted to his followers that he feels fine , and is sure he will get through it .
Schadenfreude ’ s Disease is an unusual condition whose symptoms occur in other people rather than the patient .
You know when you ’ ve got Schadenfreude ’ s Disease , when everyone around you says : “ Ha , ha !
” and delights in your suffering .
The condition was made famous by one of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The Simpsons .
Bully Nelson Muntz famously portrays the effect of the disease with his stock phrase , “ Ha , ha !
” when he points and laughs at any other character who receives his just desert for some mischief .
However , the condition is named after the German phrase for taking pleasure at someone else ’ s misfortune .
Trump has upset many Americans by initially denying that Coronavirus ( also caled Covid-19 ) existed , then saying that only dumb losers got infected by it , then saying that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was good for the country .
Now he ’ s got it .

A White House spokesman disclosed that President Trump is suffering from Schadenfreude’s Disease. And the Coronavirus.
The 74-year-old US president has tweeted to his followers that he feels fine, and is sure he will get through it.
Schadenfreude’s Disease is an unusual condition whose symptoms occur in other people rather than the patient. You know when you’ve got Schadenfreude’s Disease, when everyone around you says: “Ha, ha!” and delights in your suffering.
The condition was made famous by one of the characters in the Fox cartoon, The Simpsons. Bully Nelson Muntz famously portrays the effect of the disease with his stock phrase, “Ha, ha!” when he points and laughs at any other character who receives his just desert for some mischief.
However, the condition is named after the German phrase for taking pleasure at someone else’s misfortune.
Trump has upset many Americans by initially denying that Coronavirus (also caled Covid-19) existed, then saying that only dumb losers got infected by it, then saying that America’s high Covid-19 death rate was good for the country. Now he’s got it.
Ha, ha!


thespoof--2020-10-04--Sales Of Weapons And Ammunition Go Through The Roof After President Trump Rumored To Be 'Out Of Dang

Sales Of Weapons And Ammunition Go Through The Roof After President Trump Rumored To Be 'Out Of Danger'

Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier , that President Donald Trump , cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week , is 'out of danger ' , and well on the way to a full recovery .
All kinds of firearms were in high demand , from sidearms such as pistols and revolvers , to shotguns and high-powered assault and sniper rifles with telescopic sights .
Particularly popular was the 357 Magnum .
A submachine gun was ordered for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in Washington , a man bought a selection of hand grenades .
At one shop in New York , a customer asked for a rocket launcher , but these were , unfortunately , out of stock until next week .
The proprietor said that he was expecting a new delivery of the item next Wednesday .
In Chicago , a man enquiring about a helicopter gunship was told to go away and stop being silly .
The President 's health has become a major issue in the last few days , with many @ @ @ @ @ @ @ leader in US history to be ousted in the November election , and praying he was to perish from the virus , now becoming alarmed that his recovery from illness might attract the 'sympathy vote ' from undecided voters .

Gun shops across the country have reported a huge surge in the purchase of weapons and ammunition after it was announced on national TV earlier, that President Donald Trump, cruelly struck down with the Coronavirus earlier in the week, is 'out of danger', and well on the way to a full recovery.
Immediately, weapons stores were under siege.
All kinds of firearms were in high demand, from sidearms such as pistols and revolvers, to shotguns and high-powered assault and sniper rifles with telescopic sights.
Particularly popular was the 357 Magnum.
A submachine gun was ordered for a customer in Detroit, and, in Washington, a man bought a selection of hand grenades.
At one shop in New York, a customer asked for a rocket launcher, but these were, unfortunately, out of stock until next week.
The proprietor said that he was expecting a new delivery of the item next Wednesday.
In Chicago, a man enquiring about a helicopter gunship was told to go away and stop being silly.
The President's health has become a major issue in the last few days, with many people, who were expecting the worst leader in US history to be ousted in the November election, and praying he was to perish from the virus, now becoming alarmed that his recovery from illness might attract the 'sympathy vote' from undecided voters.


thespoof--2020-10-04--White House Rose Garden to be Renamed “Rona Garden” After Trump SCOTUS Event

Washington - After Donald Trump and the GOP sponsored and attended another White House event during the pandemic , with @ @ @ @ @ masks worn by participants , it became apparent , after several attendees including the President @ @ @ @ @ needed to be done to warn future attendees of the dangers of entering the White @ @ @ @ @ a delusional narcissistic maniac and his enablers to keep them safe instead of the opinions @ @ @ @ @ .
Therefore , local Washington D.C. area public health officials have decided to refer to @ @ @ @ @ the Rona Garden .
“ Being around Trump is dangerous .
He will ridicule anyone @ @ @ @ @ said one doctor .

Washington - After Donald Trump and the GOP sponsored and attended another White House event during the pandemic, with no social distancing and few masks worn by participants, it became apparent, after several attendees including the President contracted COVID-19, that something needed to be done to warn future attendees of the dangers of entering the White House grounds and relying on a delusional narcissistic maniac and his enablers to keep them safe instead of the opinions of scientists and heath professionals.
Therefore, local Washington D.C. area public health officials have decided to refer to the White House grounds as the Rona Garden.
“Being around Trump is dangerous. He will ridicule anyone wearing a mask,” said one doctor.


thespoof--2020-10-04--Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is Putting All the Blame for His Contracting the Coronavir

Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is Putting All the Blame for His Contracting the Coronavirus on President Trump

NEWARK , New Jersey – ( Satire News ) – Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn ’ t working .
Christie , who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency , admitted that , yes , he is extremely overweight , he has a slight limp , and sometimes he has trouble pronouncing his vowels properly , but he puts 100 % of the blame for his having contracted the Coronavirus on Donald Trump .
The man who once ate 29 enchiladas in 12 minutes said that he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knowing that he had tested positive , he went ahead and had that Rose Garden Pinata Party , which turned out to be one big , gigantic Republican `` Coronavirus Spreader . ''
Christie said that the likes of Kellyanne Conway , Sen. Mike Lee , Notre Dame president John Jenkins , Sen. Tom Tillis , and White House cook Myrtle Fillakeen attended the `` Spreader '' , and all now have the virus .
The ex-governor said that POTUS told him dozens of times to take the silly-looking mask off , because @ @ @ @ @ @ @ witch , Roseanne Barr .
And Christie admits that he is just like so many of Trump ’ s staff members , family , friends , and supporters , who allow themselves to be intimidated and bullied like naïve sheep , by a crazed , madman , who is the biggest bully since Adolf Hitler .

NEWARK, New Jersey – (Satire News) – Reports are that former New Jersey governor Chris Christie is madder than a spider whose web-making gland isn’t working.
Christie, who spoke with the Vox Populi News Agency, admitted that, yes, he is extremely overweight, he has a slight limp, and sometimes he has trouble pronouncing his vowels properly, but he puts 100% of the blame for his having contracted the Coronavirus on Donald Trump.
The man who once ate 29 enchiladas in 12 minutes said that he blames the President, because even after knowing that he had tested positive, he went ahead and had that Rose Garden Pinata Party, which turned out to be one big, gigantic Republican "Coronavirus Spreader."
Christie said that the likes of Kellyanne Conway, Sen. Mike Lee, Notre Dame president John Jenkins, Sen. Tom Tillis, and White House cook Myrtle Fillakeen attended the "Spreader", and all now have the virus.
The ex-governor said that POTUS told him dozens of times to take the silly-looking mask off, because it made him look like that ugly witch, Roseanne Barr.
And Christie admits that he is just like so many of Trump’s staff members, family, friends, and supporters, who allow themselves to be intimidated and bullied like naïve sheep, by a crazed, madman, who is the biggest bully since Adolf Hitler.


thespoof--2020-10-04--President Trump is Now Being Given The Experimental Drug Hydrixafibalosis

BETHESDA , Maryland – ( Satire News ) – President Trump 's personal physician , Dr. Yang Fu Fi , @ @ @ @ @ media that the President has been given a brand new experimental drug that was recently @ @ @ @ @ mountains of Bolivia .
The drug , known as Hydrixafibalosis , has so far had @ @ @ @ @ on rats , woodpeckers , and skunks .
Dr. Fu Fi pointed out that he @ @ @ @ @ as ornery as he is , could possibly fight off the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus within @ @ @ @ @ doctor did point out that the drug does have three side effects .
One , @ @ @ @ @ going to turn shocking pink .
Two , his hands are going to get even @ @ @ @ @ , and three , Hydri will definitely affect the brain gene that causes one to @ @ @ @ @ said that after Trump recovers , he will physically no longer be able to lie @ @ @ @ @ will really and truly be a damn good thing .

BETHESDA, Maryland – (Satire News) – President Trump's personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has just informed the news media that the President has been given a brand new experimental drug that was recently developed high in the Andes mountains of Bolivia.
The drug, known as Hydrixafibalosis, has so far had a 77% success rate on rats, woodpeckers, and skunks.
Dr. Fu Fi pointed out that he feels that Trump, being as ornery as he is, could possibly fight off the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus within 17 days.
The good doctor did point out that the drug does have three side effects.
One, Trump’s hair is going to turn shocking pink. Two, his hands are going to get even smaller than they already are, and three, Hydri will definitely affect the brain gene that causes one to lie.
Dr. Fu Fi said that after Trump recovers, he will physically no longer be able to lie; which he pointed out will really and truly be a damn good thing.


thespoof--2020-10-04--Secret Recording Shows That Melania Trump Hates Christmas, Evangelicals, and Asparagus

CHICAGO – ( Satire News ) – The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording , that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities .
The tape , which was provided by Wikileaks , had Melania remarking that she hates Christmas .
She can clearly be heard saying that she thinks that people only like it so that they can get free things , like pets , automatic weapons , lingerie , sex toys , and silly-looking food .
She says that she hates asparagus , because you ca n't cut @ @ @ @ @ @ @ off on the evangelicals , who she says are hypocrites , because they say to love your neighbor , but they forget to add the part , `` but only if they are white , rich , and look like you . ''
Melania also said that the few evangelicals that she has met have told her that they like her , even if she is an illegal alien from Slovenia .
On the tape , the First Lady can be heard saying in a Slovenian accent , “ Dose Sunday ebenjellycul werechippers @ @ @ @ @ @ @

CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Chicago Daily Wind has received an envelope which contained a secret recording, that was made of First Lady Melania Trump uttering some sailor-like vulgarities.
The tape, which was provided by Wikileaks, had Melania remarking that she hates Christmas.
She can clearly be heard saying that she thinks that people only like it so that they can get free things, like pets, automatic weapons, lingerie, sex toys, and silly-looking food.
She says that she hates asparagus, because you can't cut the stringy son-of-a-bitch.
She then goes off on the evangelicals, who she says are hypocrites, because they say to love your neighbor, but they forget to add the part, "but only if they are white, rich, and look like you."
Melania also said that the few evangelicals that she has met have told her that they like her, even if she is an illegal alien from Slovenia.
On the tape, the First Lady can be heard saying in a Slovenian accent, “Dose Sunday ebenjellycul werechippers can keys my Slobeenian ass!”


thespoof--2020-10-03--Air from studio of presidential debate captured and studied by special team from California

It is now thought feasible that air quality in the FOX News studio accounts for low performance in the recent presidential debate .
Polling indicates it is being seen as a bickering match in an off-odor marriage versus a sober exchange of views .
Immediately , under supervision of Governor Newsom , technicians from California have arrived and attacked the studio with air sucking equipment and containment tanks .
Mr. Newsom and his aides have entered the tanks in full bio-hazard suits ( masks as well as helmets ) to put their technocratic expertise into a diagnosis .
In the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said the governor was eager to take on this task , due to his new nickname in California ( following “ Mr .
Nuisance ” and “ Mr .
Nukesom ” etc .
earlier ) .
He is now being referred to as “ Mr .
Newssolini.
” This is called grossly unfair by his supporters , but others say California is a confused jungle of who can do this or that .
Rules on the Covid problem differ here and there , as with open or closed restaurants , county to county @ @ @ @ @ @ @ possible to eat , unmasked , inside .
Other counties are confined to outside tables at best , with traffic noise and flies .
The Governor 's reputation as dictatorial , supremacist , and “ a technocrat with a hard-on for the presidency ” has developed new polling numbers .
He is also pushing a mandatory electric vehicle program .
Into this melee of approval and disapproval , the Governor nobly stepped forward to suck up and analyze the airs at the FOX news studio where the debate horror took place .
*His @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bacteria , ” polluting the studio .
*Biden and Wallace were unable to train their minds on careful and dignified procedures .
*Instead they `` fell into a web of nasty insinuations.
” This went down to the audience like old , wet cabbage .
*Further , Mr. Trump , behaved “ with all the angst and determination of a rabid ferret !
” Whether Mr. Trump 's has a special type of Covid-19 , connected , say , to pressures as President of the United States , Mr. Newsom would not say @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that when I am president , this Covid-19 thing will have the military employed in defending it.
” “ That is , anyone resisting our solutions , and our kind reminders , will be incarcerated in the desert .
As with the old internment systems from World War II !
” '' You want Mr. Newssolini !
I 'll show you Mr .
Newssolini ! ''

It is now thought feasible that air quality in the FOX News studio accounts for low performance in the recent presidential debate.
Polling indicates it is being seen as a bickering match in an off-odor marriage versus a sober exchange of views.
Immediately, under supervision of Governor Newsom, technicians from California have arrived and attacked the studio with air sucking equipment and containment tanks.
Mr. Newsom and his aides have entered the tanks in full bio-hazard suits (masks as well as helmets) to put their technocratic expertise into a diagnosis.
In the background, Mr. Newsom's staff has said the governor was eager to take on this task, due to his new nickname in California (following “Mr. Nuisance” and “Mr. Nukesom” etc. earlier).
He is now being referred to as “Mr. Newssolini.”
This is called grossly unfair by his supporters, but others say California is a confused jungle of who can do this or that.
Rules on the Covid problem differ here and there, as with open or closed restaurants, county to county.
In some counties, it's possible to eat, unmasked, inside. Other counties are confined to outside tables at best, with traffic noise and flies.
The Governor's reputation as dictatorial, supremacist, and “a technocrat with a hard-on for the presidency” has developed new polling numbers.
He is also pushing a mandatory electric vehicle program.
Into this melee of approval and disapproval, the Governor nobly stepped forward to suck up and analyze the airs at the FOX news studio where the debate horror took place.
Results:
*Mr. Trump's current attack of Covid-19 is a factor.
*His breathing apparatus emitted “angry and noxious bacteria,” polluting the studio.
*Biden and Wallace were unable to train their minds on careful and dignified procedures.
*Instead they "fell into a web of nasty insinuations.” This went down to the audience like old, wet cabbage.
*Further, Mr. Trump, behaved “with all the angst and determination of a rabid ferret!”
Whether Mr. Trump's has a special type of Covid-19, connected, say, to pressures as President of the United States, Mr. Newsom would not say.
“However, I can say that when I am president, this Covid-19 thing will have the military employed in defending it.”
“That is, anyone resisting our solutions, and our kind reminders, will be incarcerated in the desert. As with the old internment systems from World War II!”
"You want Mr. Newssolini! I'll show you Mr. Newssolini!"


thespoof--2020-10-05--President Trump's Corpse Could Be Flown To Saturn

After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus , COVID-19 last week , it 's been suggested that , if he should succumb to the virus , his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask , to prevent the dangerous chemicals inside from ever escaping .
Trump has repeatedly and consistently flouted the advised methods of protection from C-19 , claiming it was n't dangerous , and that it would `` go away '' of its own accord .
Now , however , at age 74 , and looking at a significant period of illness @ @ @ @ @ @ @ very existence hangs in the balance .
Timing could not have been worse .
In the run-up to the November 3 presidential election , Republicans were counting on the President to 'get them over the line ' , but , with the prospect of at least two weeks in hospital , followed by a lengthy period of recuperation ahead of him , Trump is , effectively , 'out of the game ' .
Opinion is divided on what should happen if he were to survive .
One expert said that , in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the virus , Trump 's body should be burnt to a cinder , then crushed into powder and buried in concrete at a depth of at least 1,000 feet .
Another said that the corpse should not only be 'incinerated to dust ' , but should then be encased in reinforced titanium , and projected out of Earth 's atmosphere , and into Saturn 's rings , where it would remain in perpetual orbit for eternity .
Members of the public have n't been so finnicky .
A man in New York said @ @ @ @ @ @ @ free trip to Saturn , and suggested that he be laid uncovered in a shallow grave in Arlington Cemetery , so that people could visit it to piss on his face , or 'drop a brownie ' in his mouth .

After President Donald Trump tested positive for the Coronavirus, COVID-19 last week, it's been suggested that, if he should succumb to the virus, his remains might be flown to Saturn in a reinforced titanium cask, to prevent the dangerous chemicals inside from ever escaping.
Trump has repeatedly and consistently flouted the advised methods of protection from C-19, claiming it wasn't dangerous, and that it would "go away" of its own accord.
Now, however, at age 74, and looking at a significant period of illness under intense medical supervision, Trump's very existence hangs in the balance.
Timing could not have been worse. In the run-up to the November 3 presidential election, Republicans were counting on the President to 'get them over the line', but, with the prospect of at least two weeks in hospital, followed by a lengthy period of recuperation ahead of him, Trump is, effectively, 'out of the game'.
Opinion is divided on what should happen if he were not to survive. One expert said that, in the 'sad' event of his death from the virus, Trump's body should be burnt to a cinder, then crushed into powder and buried in concrete at a depth of at least 1,000 feet.
Another said that the corpse should not only be 'incinerated to dust', but should then be encased in reinforced titanium, and projected out of Earth's atmosphere, and into Saturn's rings, where it would remain in perpetual orbit for eternity.
Members of the public haven't been so finnicky. A man in New York said that Trump was not deserving of a free trip to Saturn, and suggested that he be laid uncovered in a shallow grave in Arlington Cemetery, so that people could visit it to piss on his face, or 'drop a brownie' in his mouth.


thespoof--2020-10-05--Trump is Ready to Resume Essential Duties: Golf, Twitter, Watching Fox News, Super Spreader Cult Ral

Trump is Ready to Resume Essential Duties: Golf, Twitter, Watching Fox News, Super Spreader Cult Rallies

Washington - President Trump is ready to return to the White House after battling the effects of a COVID-19 infection @ @ @ @ @ the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the United States Supreme Court in the White @ @ @ @ @ attendees came down with COVID-19 at the Trump gathering .
After Trump ridiculed Americans who @ @ @ @ @ , few followed those practices at the event , including the prospective judge and her @ @ @ @ @ the American people , Trump apologized for his cavalier attitude towards the disease , and @ @ @ @ @ that got sick at his pointless gathering .
Just kidding , he didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ .
On Monday , White House Chief Mark Meadows said the President was ready to @ @ @ @ @ duties of conducting Red Hat cult worship rallies , golf , watching Hannity and Carlson @ @ @ @ @ hamburgers and insulting his detractors on Twitter .

Washington - President Trump is ready to return to the White House after battling the effects of a COVID-19 infection he acquired while unnecessarily celebrating the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the United States Supreme Court in the White House Rose Garden.
Several attendees came down with COVID-19 at the Trump gathering. After Trump ridiculed Americans who wear masks and social distance, few followed those practices at the event, including the prospective judge and her family.
After speaking to the American people, Trump apologized for his cavalier attitude towards the disease, and offered prayers for the attendees that got sick at his pointless gathering. Just kidding, he didn’t do any of those things.
On Monday, White House Chief Mark Meadows said the President was ready to return to his important presidential duties of conducting Red Hat cult worship rallies, golf, watching Hannity and Carlson on Fox News, eating hamburgers and insulting his detractors on Twitter.


thespoof--2020-10-05--Presidential Debates To Be Settled By An Election

The controversial series of televised debates between President Donald Trump and his Democratic Party rival , Joe Biden , which have stunned the country with their intense feeling and high-level intellectual arguments , are to be settled with an election on 3 November , it has been reported .
The 'debates ' , which have gripped the attention of voters , are designed so that the public can make its mind up , one way or the other , which of the two debatees is more of a prick than the other , and which one is n't .
Experts @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump and Biden conducted themselves , claiming that the President 's was an outspoken , commanding tour de force , and that Mr. Biden displayed a polite manner , respectful of Mr. Trump 's office .
The President , especially , appealed to viewers , with his forceful arguments and intimidating posture , along with his unwillingness to allow Mr. Biden to speak , and he will , without doubt , be feared in playgrounds and schoolyards all across the country .
After the success of the first debate , and the excitement @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 15 October , it 's been decided that an election in November will be the only fair way to separate the two challengers .
`` After all of the ridiculous events and high jinks of the last four years , it seems like a logical conclusion . ''

The controversial series of televised debates between President Donald Trump and his Democratic Party rival, Joe Biden, which have stunned the country with their intense feeling and high-level intellectual arguments, are to be settled with an election on 3 November, it has been reported.
The 'debates', which have gripped the attention of voters, are designed so that the public can make its mind up, one way or the other, which of the two debatees is more of a prick than the other, and which one isn't.
Experts have commented on the way that both Trump and Biden conducted themselves, claiming that the President's was an outspoken, commanding tour de force, and that Mr. Biden displayed a polite manner, respectful of Mr. Trump's office.
The President, especially, appealed to viewers, with his forceful arguments and intimidating posture, along with his unwillingness to allow Mr. Biden to speak, and he will, without doubt, be feared in playgrounds and schoolyards all across the country.
After the success of the first debate, and the excitement that is building towards the next on 15 October, it's been decided that an election in November will be the only fair way to separate the two challengers.
One expert said:
"After all of the ridiculous events and high jinks of the last four years, it seems like a logical conclusion."


thespoof--2020-10-05--President Trump’s Doctors Reveal That He Does Not Have a Backbone

BETHESDA , Maryland – ( Satire News ) – Reports coming out of Walter Reed Hospital state that President Trump @ @ @ @ @ shocked when they discovered that he does n't have a backbone .
They say they @ @ @ @ @ minutes of Trump being admitted , but they were all told by Trump ’ s @ @ @ @ @ ’ s attorney general , Billy Barr , not to release that information .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ Zorba Constantinople , told the media that information like that had to be released by @ @ @ @ @ that he was told by two secret service agents that if he released the info @ @ @ @ @ doctor ’ s license suspended immediately .
iRumors is reporting that Dr. Constantinople has hired @ @ @ @ @ Allred .
Ms. Allred commented that she will , most probably , be suing Attorney @ @ @ @ @ secret service agents .
Meanwhile , a hospital insider has revealed that doctors are considering @ @ @ @ @ President Trump an artificial backbone .

BETHESDA, Maryland – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of Walter Reed Hospital state that President Trump’s physicians were extremely shocked when they discovered that he doesn't have a backbone.
They say they made the discovery within 10 minutes of Trump being admitted, but they were all told by Trump’s personal lawyer and the nation’s attorney general, Billy Barr, not to release that information.
Trump's chief physician, Dr. Zorba Constantinople, told the media that information like that had to be released by federal law.
He added that he was told by two secret service agents that if he released the info, he would have his doctor’s license suspended immediately.
iRumors is reporting that Dr. Constantinople has hired famed California attorney, Gloria Allred.
Ms. Allred commented that she will, most probably, be suing Attorney General Barr and the two secret service agents.
Meanwhile, a hospital insider has revealed that doctors are considering the idea of possibly giving President Trump an artificial backbone.


thespoof--2020-10-05--Hope Hicks Reveals That President Trump Gave Her The Coronavirus

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Hope Hicks has come out and revealed that she got the Coronavirus from President Trump , and not the other way around , as Fox News , Donald Trump , and Kimberly Guilfoyle are claiming .
Hope spoke with Vodka Vermicelli with the iRumors News Agency , and showed her a photo of Trump kissing her on the mouth , which is how he gave her the Trumpapalooza virus , as she refers to it .
The 31-year-old Hicks says that Trump is the meanest man she has ever known .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ his wife Melania , that she really needs to do something about that horrible Slovenian accent of hers .
Hope adds that the President definitely suffers from the Napoleon Complex , when it comes to his “ Little Donnie.
” Trump ’ s chief adviser said that Stormy Daniels and her text each other every now and then , and they ’ ll spend 30 minutes just making fun of Trump ’ s fake-hair , his fake-university , and his fake-genitals .
Hope , who is a very attractive woman , pointed out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ many occasions , that when he divorces Melania , she will become his fourth wife .
When she was asked if she would , in fact , marry Trump , she immediately said , “ Hell , no !
I wouldn ’ t marry that racist , pus*y-grabbing bully if he offered me the entire state of Florida . ''

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Hope Hicks has come out and revealed that she got the Coronavirus from President Trump, and not the other way around, as Fox News, Donald Trump, and Kimberly Guilfoyle are claiming.
Hope spoke with Vodka Vermicelli with the iRumors News Agency, and showed her a photo of Trump kissing her on the mouth, which is how he gave her the Trumpapalooza virus, as she refers to it.
The 31-year-old Hicks says that Trump is the meanest man she has ever known. She said that he is always telling his wife Melania, that she really needs to do something about that horrible Slovenian accent of hers.
Hope adds that the President definitely suffers from the Napoleon Complex, when it comes to his “Little Donnie.”
Trump’s chief adviser said that Stormy Daniels and her text each other every now and then, and they’ll spend 30 minutes just making fun of Trump’s fake-hair, his fake-university, and his fake-genitals.
Hope, who is a very attractive woman, pointed out that Donald has told her, on many occasions, that when he divorces Melania, she will become his fourth wife.
When she was asked if she would, in fact, marry Trump, she immediately said, “Hell, no! I wouldn’t marry that racist, pus*y-grabbing bully if he offered me the entire state of Florida."


thespoof--2020-10-04--Ruth's Revenge Plagues Trump

Ruth's Revenge Plagues Trump

Washington , DC - As Donald Trump celebrated his new Supreme Court nominee in defiance of the dying wishes of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg , he had no idea the fate that awaited him .
But supporters of Justice Ginsburg knew exactly what could happen .
Within a week , President Trump figured it out .
The crowded , unmasked social event turned into a COVID-19 `` superspreader '' , having infected the President and his wife , three GOP U.S. senators , advisors Hope Hicks and Kellyanne Conway , Trump 's `` bodyman '' , the head of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the President of Notre Dame , and debate advisor , Chris Christie .
Now Trump and Christie are in the hospital with coronavirus , their health and futures unclear .
`` Never underestimate the strength of a ninety-pound woman , '' said one former law clerk of Ginsburg .
`` She made her dying wishes clear -- the next elected President should select her successor .
Trump dared to defy her .
Now he knows better . ''
Some have been calling it Ruth 's Revenge .
Maybe it 's just bad luck @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reportedly trying to retract his decision .
`` RBG , if you 're out there , what can I do to make this up to you ? ''
Trump tweeted , still feverish .
Chris Christie fears the worst .
`` Pleez little Donny , take back that nomination !
RBG will kill us both ! ''
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is not budging .
`` We 're moving forward with the nomination .
I do n't care about Ruth 's Revenge .
If Trump and Christie are sick , so be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on the Supreme Court , who needs them ? ''
Meanwhile , Democratic opponent Joe Biden wishes Trump well .
`` Obama had ObamaCare , Trump has the virus .
Let 's hope he recovers from the Trump Virus having learned his lesson .
Can we all say 'pre-existing condition ' ?
Wear a mask America ! ''
What will happen to President Trump next ?
Only RBG knows .

Washington, DC - As Donald Trump celebrated his new Supreme Court nominee in defiance of the dying wishes of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, he had no idea the fate that awaited him.
But supporters of Justice Ginsburg knew exactly what could happen.
Within a week, President Trump figured it out. The crowded, unmasked social event turned into a COVID-19 "superspreader", having infected the President and his wife, three GOP U.S. senators, advisors Hope Hicks and Kellyanne Conway, Trump's "bodyman", the head of the RNC, Trump's campaign chair, the President of Notre Dame, and debate advisor, Chris Christie.
Now Trump and Christie are in the hospital with coronavirus, their health and futures unclear.
"Never underestimate the strength of a ninety-pound woman," said one former law clerk of Ginsburg. "She made her dying wishes clear--the next elected President should select her successor. Trump dared to defy her. Now he knows better."
Some have been calling it Ruth's Revenge. Maybe it's just bad luck. But either way, Trump is reportedly trying to retract his decision.
"RBG, if you're out there, what can I do to make this up to you?" Trump tweeted, still feverish.
Chris Christie fears the worst. "Pleez little Donny, take back that nomination! RBG will kill us both!"
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is not budging. "We're moving forward with the nomination. I don't care about Ruth's Revenge. If Trump and Christie are sick, so be it. With my new conservative majority on the Supreme Court, who needs them?"
Meanwhile, Democratic opponent Joe Biden wishes Trump well. "Obama had ObamaCare, Trump has the virus. Let's hope he recovers from the Trump Virus having learned his lesson. Can we all say 'pre-existing condition'? Wear a mask America!"
What will happen to President Trump next? Only RBG knows.


thespoof--2020-10-05--Doctor’s Reveal That They Have Learned That President Trump Has a Pre-Existing Condition

BETHESDA , Maryland – ( Satire News ) – Trump ’ s team of 19 doctors , 27 nurses , and an enema specialist , say , off-the-record , that he is one of the most difficult patients they have ever seen .
The doctors say that when they tell him his temperature is high , he says that they ’ re lying .
The nurses say that when they tell him that they need to check to see if he has a rash on his bottom , he tells them that he hasn ’ t had a rash since @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s main doctor , Dr. Zorba Constantinople Jr. , informed the news media that they have found that the President has a pre-existing condition .
Dr. Constantinople said that his pre-existing condition is “ Lying.
” Every doctor , nurse , and even the enema specialist all agree that they have never seen a patient who lies more than the President .
One nurse , who did n't want her name mentioned , said that she has never seen a grown man who has the fingers and the hands of a 6-year-old @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the hospital staff had a nickname that they call Trump behind his back , she replied , “ Oh , hell , yes !
We all call him the arrogantly sarcastic son-of-a bitch . ''

BETHESDA, Maryland – (Satire News) – Trump’s team of 19 doctors, 27 nurses, and an enema specialist, say, off-the-record, that he is one of the most difficult patients they have ever seen.
The doctors say that when they tell him his temperature is high, he says that they’re lying. The nurses say that when they tell him that they need to check to see if he has a rash on his bottom, he tells them that he hasn’t had a rash since he was 4 months old.
Trump’s main doctor, Dr. Zorba Constantinople Jr., informed the news media that they have found that the President has a pre-existing condition.
Dr. Constantinople said that his pre-existing condition is “Lying.”
Every doctor, nurse, and even the enema specialist all agree that they have never seen a patient who lies more than the President.
One nurse, who didn't want her name mentioned, said that she has never seen a grown man who has the fingers and the hands of a 6-year-old toddler.
When she was asked if the hospital staff had a nickname that they call Trump behind his back, she replied, “Oh, hell, yes! We all call him the arrogantly sarcastic son-of-a bitch."


thespoof--2020-10-05--President Trump Is So Desperate For Attention That He Gets Out of His Hospital Bed and Does a Drive-

President Trump Is So Desperate For Attention That He Gets Out of His Hospital Bed and Does a Drive-By

BETHESDA , Maryland – ( Satire News ) – Trump is such an egomaniacal turdhead that he can ’ t @ @ @ @ @ spotlight 24/7 .
The bozo has to always be the center of attention , or @ @ @ @ @ start calling those around him childish , immature names like loser , hoaxer , and @ @ @ @ @ reports that , against his doctor ’ s orders , “ Trumpapalooza ” Trump got @ @ @ @ @ and left the hospital , to parade down the street , in front of what @ @ @ @ @ or so of his supporters .
TMZ actually said that there were more anti-Trumpers than @ @ @ @ @ that Trump looked horrible , pale , wrinkled , unkempt , and looking guilty-as-hell .
@ @ @ @ @ he was glad to see that Trump ’ s oxygen tank was painted red , @ @ @ @ @ A White House insider said that the car that the President was riding in was @ @ @ @ @ junk yard , where it will be demolished before sunrise .

BETHESDA, Maryland – (Satire News) – Trump is such an egomaniacal turdhead that he can’t stand not being in the spotlight 24/7.
The bozo has to always be the center of attention, or else he'll pout and start calling those around him childish, immature names like loser, hoaxer, and Golden State Warrior.
TMZ reports that, against his doctor’s orders, “Trumpapalooza” Trump got out of his bed, and left the hospital, to parade down the street, in front of what some said amounted to 82 or so of his supporters.
TMZ actually said that there were more anti-Trumpers than Trumpers. One anti-Trumper said that Trump looked horrible, pale, wrinkled, unkempt, and looking guilty-as-hell.
One of the Trumpers said he was glad to see that Trump’s oxygen tank was painted red, white, and blue.
A White House insider said that the car that the President was riding in was immediately taken to an auto junk yard, where it will be demolished before sunrise.


thespoof--2020-10-06--A F*cking Miracle: Biden “Speaking In Noses” To Nation

BILLINGSGATE POST : Although speaking in tongues did not make a wide appearance in the Catholic Church until 1967 , speaking in noses became much more common during the Obama Administration .
In 2012 , Vice President Biden received the gift during a prayer meeting with a charismatic Catholic prayer group in Washington .
Speaking in noses is not a phenomena unique to Joe Biden .
The late Jimmy Durante also had this gift .
His prominent schnozzola and Lower East Side accent helped make him one of America ’ s most popular personalities of the 1950 ’ s and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a sign of being baptized by the Holy Spirit .
Some have believed that the “ nose ” spoken is an ancient language not known to the speaker , or perhaps a combination of different languages .
But this does not seem to be the case with regard to Joe Biden .
Fortunately , linguistic researchers who have studied videos of Biden burying his beak in more than a few lady ’ s hairdos , believe the practice is not a true language , but rather consists of snorting sounds that are formed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their own .
As practiced by Sleepy Joe , it ’ s not a miraculous occurrence , but can be a genuine form of prayer .
Slim : “ Confucius say : One nose better than two tongues when sniffing around.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
Confucius also say : Man who lose key to girl ’ s apartment no get new key .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Although speaking in tongues did not make a wide appearance in the Catholic Church until 1967, speaking in noses became much more common during the Obama Administration. In 2012, Vice President Biden received the gift during a prayer meeting with a charismatic Catholic prayer group in Washington.
Speaking in noses is not a phenomena unique to Joe Biden. The late Jimmy Durante also had this gift. His prominent schnozzola and Lower East Side accent helped make him one of America’s most popular personalities of the 1950’s and 1960’s. Pentecostals considered it a sign of being baptized by the Holy Spirit.
Some have believed that the “nose” spoken is an ancient language not known to the speaker, or perhaps a combination of different languages. But this does not seem to be the case with regard to Joe Biden. Fortunately, linguistic researchers who have studied videos of Biden burying his beak in more than a few lady’s hairdos, believe the practice is not a true language, but rather consists of snorting sounds that are formed like speech but have no intelligibility of their own. As practiced by Sleepy Joe, it’s not a miraculous occurrence, but can be a genuine form of prayer.
Slim: “Confucius say: One nose better than two tongues when sniffing around.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Confucius also say: Man who lose key to girl’s apartment no get new key.”


thespoof--2020-10-06--President Trump Claims He Was Misunderstood

President Trump has been spending some time thinking during his period of rest and recuperation after testing positive for the Coronavirus , and he considers that , overall , his message has been misunderstood by the American people .
When Trump came to power in 2016 , his first job , he said , was to `` Make America Great Again '' , but , as many have pointed out , America was already great .
Trump clarified this yesterday .
He said : '' It was a simple mistake .
I meant to say 'grate ' .
I think @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Another area of confusion on behalf of the listeners , he said , was the Mexican Wall .
`` I wanted a wall so that Mexicans could feel safe .
I love Mexico , and I live Mexican food .
And Mexicans can be OK , too , sometimes . ''
And he claimed that Black people `` have him all wrong '' .
Trump says he treats all people equally , and that there is n't a discriminating bone in his body .
`` Why , I have a couple of black @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and a regular shoeshine boy ! ''
The President said that his advice about the Coronavirus and how to deal with it was widely misinterpreted .
`` I may have said `` Do n't wear face masks !
`` , but I did n't really expect that people would take that seriously !
I assumed they 'd know I was only joking ! ''
he chuckled .
`` As for the 'nitty-gritty ' , I meant that the bleach should be used to wash hands , and that the hand sanitizer should be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ could make ! ''
And the wild claim that COVID-19 would disappear of its own accord by Easter ?
`` Ah , but I did n't say Easter !
`` , he said .

President Trump has been spending some time thinking during his period of rest and recuperation after testing positive for the Coronavirus, and he considers that, overall, his message has been misunderstood by the American people.
When Trump came to power in 2016, his first job, he said, was to "Make America Great Again", but, as many have pointed out, America was already great. Trump clarified this yesterday. He said:
"It was a simple mistake. I meant to say 'grate'. I think I delivered on that one!"
Another area of confusion on behalf of the listeners, he said, was the Mexican Wall.
"I wanted a wall so that Mexicans could feel safe. I love Mexico, and I live Mexican food. And Mexicans can be OK, too, sometimes."
And he claimed that Black people "have him all wrong". Trump says he treats all people equally, and that there isn't a discriminating bone in his body.
"Why, I have a couple of black servants," he said, "and a regular shoeshine boy!"
The President said that his advice about the Coronavirus and how to deal with it was widely misinterpreted.
"I may have said "Don't wear face masks!", but I didn't really expect that people would take that seriously! I assumed they'd know I was only joking!" he chuckled.
"As for the 'nitty-gritty', I meant that the bleach should be used to wash hands, and that the hand sanitizer should be drunk. It's a mistake anyone could make!"
And the wild claim that COVID-19 would disappear of its own accord by Easter?


thespoof--2020-10-06--Chinese Communist Party’s New Chinglish Bible

According to China ’ s state-run Xinhua News Agency , the Politburo Standing Committee recently convened a meeting of scholars and “ religious people ” to begin the work of “ making accurate and authoritative interpretations of classical doctrines to keep pace with the times.
” The centerpiece of this campaign is a major new undertaking to revise the Christian Bible to make it more amenable to the rule of the communist party .
Some examples .
In Mathew 19:20 , where Jesus declares that “ it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle @ @ @ @ @ @ @ enter the kingdom of God ” , the new translation sensitively replaces “ rich ” with the far more accurate phrase “ rich white capitalist devil.
” And elsewhere , when Jesus is asked to condemn an adulteress , he still invites “ the one without sin to cast the first stone ” , but , in the new translation , Jesus waits until the mob has left before killing the woman himself , explaining that if only blameless men carried out the law , there could be no law .
Progressives everywhere @ @ @ @ @ @ @ updates .
But it ’ s not just the New Testament .
The Old Testament chapters are also being revised .
For example , Genesis 1.1-3 -- “ In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth .
The earth was formless and empty , darkness was over the surface of the deep , and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters , ” -- now reads , “ God start step 1 by take part A , Heaven , match to slot in part B , Earth , then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , locate hole , move screw , Part C , and bind Spirit gum until assemble stand own legs.
” The new Bible , when completed , will be much abbreviated , approximately the same length as the “ Quotations of Chairman Mao.
” It will also be simpler to remember and comprehend the important bits .
For one thing , no one will begat anyone in the new version .
Silly ideas about arks and flaming bushes have been cut , as has everything not scientific .
God emerges from these new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of what man may become in the socialist future .
More important than God , the idea of sin has also been utterly recast in accordance with modern ideas .
Sin is no longer an arbitrary personal moral failure ( theft , adultery , murder , perversion ) , but a far more consequential failure to do one ’ s duty to the State .
As Jesus famously replied to the Pharisees when asked if Jews should pay taxes to Caesar , “ Reduce to liquid Caesar objects of Caesar what belong God @ @ @ @ @ @

According to China’s state-run Xinhua News Agency, the Politburo Standing Committee recently convened a meeting of scholars and “religious people” to begin the work of “making accurate and authoritative interpretations of classical doctrines to keep pace with the times.” The centerpiece of this campaign is a major new undertaking to revise the Christian Bible to make it more amenable to the rule of the communist party.
Some examples. In Mathew 19:20, where Jesus declares that “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God”, the new translation sensitively replaces “rich” with the far more accurate phrase “rich white capitalist devil.” And elsewhere, when Jesus is asked to condemn an adulteress, he still invites “the one without sin to cast the first stone”, but, in the new translation, Jesus waits until the mob has left before killing the woman himself, explaining that if only blameless men carried out the law, there could be no law. Progressives everywhere have universally applauded these common-sense modifications and updates.
But it’s not just the New Testament. The Old Testament chapters are also being revised. For example, Genesis 1.1-3 --“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters,”--now reads, “God start step 1 by take part A, Heaven, match to slot in part B, Earth, then join tab, Waters. In confusion, locate hole, move screw, Part C, and bind Spirit gum until assemble stand own legs.”
The new Bible, when completed, will be much abbreviated, approximately the same length as the “Quotations of Chairman Mao.” It will also be simpler to remember and comprehend the important bits. For one thing, no one will begat anyone in the new version. Silly ideas about arks and flaming bushes have been cut, as has everything not scientific. God emerges from these new pages less a spirit than an idea of what man may become in the socialist future.
More important than God, the idea of sin has also been utterly recast in accordance with modern ideas. Sin is no longer an arbitrary personal moral failure (theft, adultery, murder, perversion), but a far more consequential failure to do one’s duty to the State. As Jesus famously replied to the Pharisees when asked if Jews should pay taxes to Caesar, “Reduce to liquid Caesar objects of Caesar what belong God also reduce to liquid.”


thespoof--2020-10-06--Melania Trump Is Furious After Seeing The Photo of Her Husband Kissing Hope Hicks on the Lips

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A highly respected White House insider has informed Rachel Maddow of @ @ @ @ @ Melania Trump hit the roof when she was shown the photo of her husband kissing @ @ @ @ @ .
She reportedly called him every name in the book , except for predator , @ @ @ @ @ .
Melania said that she ’ d had it with Donaldo ’ s constant skirt-chasing @ @ @ @ @ will be speaking to her attorney , Lisa Bloom , about making sure that she @ @ @ @ @ her cheating husband owns , as well as half of the billions of dollars that @ @ @ @ @ Coney Island Buccaneers Bank .
Melania revealed that she ’ ll get custody of Barron @ @ @ @ @ the three friggin stooges ; Donnie Jr. , Ivanka , and Eric .
A very @ @ @ @ @ has been secretly corresponding with a Saudi Arabian prince since Easter .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A highly respected White House insider has informed Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, that First Lady Melania Trump hit the roof when she was shown the photo of her husband kissing Hope Hicks on the mouth.
She reportedly called him every name in the book, except for predator, which she has trouble pronouncing.
Melania said that she’d had it with Donaldo’s constant skirt-chasing and vagina-grabbing addiction.
She will be speaking to her attorney, Lisa Bloom, about making sure that she gets half of everything that her cheating husband owns, as well as half of the billions of dollars that he has sitting in the Coney Island Buccaneers Bank.
Melania revealed that she’ll get custody of Barron, and Trump can keep the three friggin stooges; Donnie Jr., Ivanka, and Eric.
A very reliable source stated that Melania has been secretly corresponding with a Saudi Arabian prince since Easter.


thespoof--2020-10-05--Trump To Play Toe Banjo For Fans At Walter Reed Hospital

So jacked up with steroids , amphetamines , painkillers , and experimental drugs , Donald Trump is on the high wagon , feeling no pain , even going for a joyride around the block , waving and smiling at everyone .
Totally pumped , he asked for his banjo , Silver , to be brought from the White House , so he could entertain his flag-waving fans across the street from Walter Reed Hospital .
From his grave , Walter Reed asked for his name to be removed from the hospital .
“ Call it Leavenworth or Q , but @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s request for his banjo , Kayleigh McEnany , ( who should be the true recipient of the Nobel God Damn It Prize ) for fortitude , came down with an instant case of coronavirus .
Go figure !
Did he plan to play his banjo wearing a hospital gown and a red tie ?
“ Well , ” said the always supportive Bill Barr , “ It would give him more freedom of movement.
” “ Get him a pair of shorts .
No one has to see the Trump acorns.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ We don ’ t want any slippage.
” Trump plans to serenade the faithful crowd waving American flags , and some good Confederate flags in Walter Reed hospital during the 6 o ’ clock evening news hour .
His medical team of 34 doctors didn ’ t know whether this was a good idea or a bad one , so they asked Trump .
He said a good idea .
They then decided it was a good idea , too .
His first tune will be Strangers In The Night followed by My @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

So jacked up with steroids, amphetamines, painkillers, and experimental drugs, Donald Trump is on the high wagon, feeling no pain, even going for a joyride around the block, waving and smiling at everyone.
Totally pumped, he asked for his banjo, Silver, to be brought from the White House, so he could entertain his flag-waving fans across the street from Walter Reed Hospital.
From his grave, Walter Reed asked for his name to be removed from the hospital. “Call it Leavenworth or Q, but quit using my name.”
Reading Trump’s request for his banjo, Kayleigh McEnany, (who should be the true recipient of the Nobel God Damn It Prize) for fortitude, came down with an instant case of coronavirus. Go figure!
Did he plan to play his banjo wearing a hospital gown and a red tie?
“Well,” said the always supportive Bill Barr, “It would give him more freedom of movement.”
“Get him a pair of shorts. No one has to see the Trump acorns.”
“Make them Jockey shorts. We don’t want any slippage.”
Trump plans to serenade the faithful crowd waving American flags, and some good Confederate flags in Walter Reed hospital during the 6 o’clock evening news hour.
His medical team of 34 doctors didn’t know whether this was a good idea or a bad one, so they asked Trump. He said a good idea. They then decided it was a good idea, too.
His first tune will be Strangers In The Night followed by My Way.
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thespoof--2020-10-06--The President Leaves Walter Reed Hospital Against Doctor’s Orders Showing He Doesn’t Give a Damn Abo

The President Leaves Walter Reed Hospital Against Doctor’s Orders Showing He Doesn’t Give a Damn About Anybody But Himself

BETHESDA , Maryland - ( Satire News ) – President Trump once said that he knows more about war than the generals do .
Well , now he has said that he knows more about the Coronavirus than the doctors do .
POTUS told Fox News , that he feels like he did when he was 21 , except that he did n't have bone spurs back then .
Trump reportedly said that he has to get back to the White House , so that his base can see that he is the healthiest , strongest , most handsome son-of-a-bitch @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Zydeco Dupree pointed out , all that President Turdhead is doing , is showing the entire nation that he does not give a shit about anyone but himself .
Even his own wife , who also has the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus , told her husband that he needed to keep his ass in the hospital , because he looks almost as bad as `` Moscow Mitch '' McConnell does .
And , just to prove that he is back to his own hateful , mean-spirited self , POTUS told Sean Hannity that he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ extremist group , the Proud Boys .
Trump divulged that he still likes all of the white supremacist organizations , and he stressed that he will not wear a mask when he attends his upcoming campaign hate rallies , in Indiana , Puerto Rico , and Hawaii .

BETHESDA, Maryland - (Satire News) – President Trump once said that he knows more about war than the generals do.
Well, now he has said that he knows more about the Coronavirus than the doctors do.
POTUS told Fox News, that he feels like he did when he was 21, except that he didn't have bone spurs back then.
Trump reportedly said that he has to get back to the White House, so that his base can see that he is the healthiest, strongest, most handsome son-of-a-bitch in Washington D.C.
But as comedian Zydeco Dupree pointed out, all that President Turdhead is doing, is showing the entire nation that he does not give a shit about anyone but himself.
Even his own wife, who also has the dreaded Trumpapalooza virus, told her husband that he needed to keep his ass in the hospital, because he looks almost as bad as "Moscow Mitch" McConnell does.
And, just to prove that he is back to his own hateful, mean-spirited self, POTUS told Sean Hannity that he takes back his condemnation of the white extremist group, the Proud Boys.
Trump divulged that he still likes all of the white supremacist organizations, and he stressed that he will not wear a mask when he attends his upcoming campaign hate rallies, in Indiana, Puerto Rico, and Hawaii.


thespoof--2020-10-06--Many of the Nation’s Atheists Say That President Trump is One of Them

DRY PEE , Arizona – ( Satire News ) – Members of the Arizona Alliance of Atheists recently held their meeting in Dry Pee , Arizona .
Senator Lindsey Graham was the featured speaker .
He told the audience that , even though he is not an atheist , he knows lots of Trump supporters who are .
He was asked if he felt that President Trump was an atheist .
Graham quickly replied that he was n't , adding that he has heard him say “ God Bless You ” after someone sneezes , on many occasions .
One @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said that he had heard Eric Trump speaking on one of the Fox News shows , and he said that his daddy is , in fact , a practicing atheist .
Graham told the audience member that little Eric is missing several tools from his tool box ; so he would take that with a grain of diet salt .
A reporter with TMZ interviewed many of the atheists present at the meeting , and he remarked that 79.2 % said that Trump has all of the earmarks of an atheist .
Meanwhile @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , recently told The View 's Whoopi Goldberg , that her husband is in fact an atheist , but like with so many other things , he just lies and denies it .

DRY PEE, Arizona – (Satire News) – Members of the Arizona Alliance of Atheists recently held their meeting in Dry Pee, Arizona.
Senator Lindsey Graham was the featured speaker. He told the audience that, even though he is not an atheist, he knows lots of Trump supporters who are.
He was asked if he felt that President Trump was an atheist. Graham quickly replied that he wasn't, adding that he has heard him say “God Bless You” after someone sneezes, on many occasions.
One of the audience members stood up and said that he had heard Eric Trump speaking on one of the Fox News shows, and he said that his daddy is, in fact, a practicing atheist.
Graham told the audience member that little Eric is missing several tools from his tool box; so he would take that with a grain of diet salt.
A reporter with TMZ interviewed many of the atheists present at the meeting, and he remarked that 79.2% said that Trump has all of the earmarks of an atheist.
Meanwhile, Trump’s own wife Melania, recently told The View's Whoopi Goldberg, that her husband is in fact an atheist, but like with so many other things, he just lies and denies it.


thespoof--2020-10-07--Amazon sales are dropping

Amazon sales are dropping

For years , rumors have circulated on urban streets that anyone who buys from Amazon has to be gay .
There may be some merit to the urban tale after Amazon 's sales dropped when news broke of a transgender man being discriminated against at Amazon .
A transgender man in New Jersey is suing Amazon , claiming he was harassed and denied a promotion with the online giant after telling his boss he was pregnant .
Shaun 'big man ' Simmons , as he is known to coworkers , claims he told supervisor Mike Mentos he had a vagina @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Tyler Hoppy , and word spread through the Princeton fulfillment center , according to a federal lawsuit , which was filed Monday .
After that , Hoppy tried kissing 'big man ' Simmons while he was on a coffee break .
Simmons became pregnant by surprise , saying he had n't had sex with anyone in the last 10 years , and did n't know how it had happened .
He alleges that Hoppy contributed to a hazardous work place by typically masturbating in the bathroom and , afterwards , approaching and shaking @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lunch break .
Simmons claims that he whips himself often in the bathroom and must have picked up Hoppy 's sperm .
Simmons claims he told Hoppy about his pregnancy in June 2019 , and Hoppy denied being the father .
He argued that all the men in the office wipe sperm on their hands , and it 's a natural unavoidable circumstance .
Simmons is , instead , claiming harassment based on gender and on pregnancy under New Jersey ’ s Law Against Discrimination .

For years, rumors have circulated on urban streets that anyone who buys from Amazon has to be gay. There may be some merit to the urban tale after Amazon's sales dropped when news broke of a transgender man being discriminated against at Amazon.
A transgender man in New Jersey is suing Amazon, claiming he was harassed and denied a promotion with the online giant after telling his boss he was pregnant.
Shaun 'big man' Simmons, as he is known to coworkers, claims he told supervisor Mike Mentos he had a vagina. Mentos then told another supervisor, Tyler Hoppy, and word spread through the Princeton fulfillment center, according to a federal lawsuit, which was filed Monday.
After that, Hoppy tried kissing 'big man' Simmons while he was on a coffee break.
Simmons became pregnant by surprise, saying he hadn't had sex with anyone in the last 10 years, and didn't know how it had happened.
He alleges that Hoppy contributed to a hazardous work place by typically masturbating in the bathroom and, afterwards, approaching and shaking Simmons hand to greet him during his lunch break. Simmons claims that he whips himself often in the bathroom and must have picked up Hoppy's sperm.
Simmons claims he told Hoppy about his pregnancy in June 2019, and Hoppy denied being the father. He argued that all the men in the office wipe sperm on their hands, and it's a natural unavoidable circumstance.
Simmons is, instead, claiming harassment based on gender and on pregnancy under New Jersey’s Law Against Discrimination.


thespoof--2020-10-07--All of The White House Maids and Cooks Have Quit and Evacuated The Trumpapalooza-Infested White Hous

All of The White House Maids and Cooks Have Quit and Evacuated The Trumpapalooza-Infested White House

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – CNN is reporting that every maid and cook in the White House has abandoned the Trumpapalooza-infested White House .
A Trump staff member , who did not want his name revealed , said that , as soon as the President walked into the White House , he asked one of the cooks to make him a hamburger .
The maid reportedly made the sign of the cross and told him to make his own effen hamburger .
All of the White House maids and cooks call Trump Hitler behind his back @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump actually makes Hitler look like the 1980s sissified comedian , Pee Wee Herman .
White House maid , Helga Gunnarlunt , 31 , told CNN ’ s Kaitlan Collins , that the President is the most hateful , arrogant , evil SOB that she has ever known .
She noted that , on several occasions , he threatened her and fellow maid Gertrud Osterholm , 27 , with deportation back to Sweden , if he ever found even one speck of dust on the portrait of racist president Andrew Jackson .
And @ @ @ @ @ @ @ cleaning duties and the cooking duties , are now going to fall on Kimberly Guilfoyle , Eric Trump , and # 1 Trump ass-kisser Lindsey Graham .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – CNN is reporting that every maid and cook in the White House has abandoned the Trumpapalooza-infested White House.
A Trump staff member, who did not want his name revealed, said that, as soon as the President walked into the White House, he asked one of the cooks to make him a hamburger.
The maid reportedly made the sign of the cross and told him to make his own effen hamburger.
All of the White House maids and cooks call Trump Hitler behind his back. One of the cooks said that Trump actually makes Hitler look like the 1980s sissified comedian, Pee Wee Herman.
White House maid, Helga Gunnarlunt, 31, told CNN’s Kaitlan Collins, that the President is the most hateful, arrogant, evil SOB that she has ever known.
She noted that, on several occasions, he threatened her and fellow maid Gertrud Osterholm, 27, with deportation back to Sweden, if he ever found even one speck of dust on the portrait of racist president Andrew Jackson.
And so it looks like the White House cleaning duties and the cooking duties, are now going to fall on Kimberly Guilfoyle, Eric Trump, and #1 Trump ass-kisser Lindsey Graham.


thespoof--2020-10-07--The Proud Boys Have Told President Trump That They’ll Work Security at His Upcoming Campaign Rallies

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Fox News says that the extreme white supremacist group , the Proud Boys , have proudly informed the President that they ’ ll work security at his upcoming campaign rallies free of charge .
They said that it would be an honor and a half to protect the world ’ s greatest leader , from those individuals , who would wish him harm , which has just recently gone from 1 in 20 to 1 in 3 .
The President heard about their offer and quickly texted them back saying that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ body beam with proud-as-punch pride to know how much he is loved , not only by his base , but even by some baseless people as well .
Senator Lindsey Graham texted the President and told him that maybe he should reconsider wanting to associate with such a radical , right-wing , white extremist group as the Proud Boys .
The senator from North Carolina , said that members of the Proud Boys have spray-painted the initials P.B .
on banks , police cars , and Dairy Queen Restaurants .
Trump texted Graham @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's going to stop acting like a damn Dixieland prancing pantywaist .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Fox News says that the extreme white supremacist group, the Proud Boys, have proudly informed the President that they’ll work security at his upcoming campaign rallies free of charge.
They said that it would be an honor and a half to protect the world’s greatest leader, from those individuals, who would wish him harm, which has just recently gone from 1 in 20 to 1 in 3.
The President heard about their offer and quickly texted them back saying that it makes his non-racist, non-sexual predator body beam with proud-as-punch pride to know how much he is loved, not only by his base, but even by some baseless people as well.
Senator Lindsey Graham texted the President and told him that maybe he should reconsider wanting to associate with such a radical, right-wing, white extremist group as the Proud Boys.
The senator from North Carolina, said that members of the Proud Boys have spray-painted the initials P.B. on banks, police cars, and Dairy Queen Restaurants.
Trump texted Graham back and asked when the hell he's going to stop acting like a damn Dixieland prancing pantywaist.


thespoof--2020-10-07--Queen Elizabeth Tells President Trump Not To Even Think About Visiting England

LONDON – ( Satire News ) – Reports coming out of Buckingham Palace say that Queen Elizabeth II has made it abundantly clear to President Trump that he will never set foot in England again .
According to London ’ s Tickety Boo News , Prince Charles noted that his mum can not believe how totally cavalier , egotistic , and self-centered Trump is acting .
Even Camilla , Duchess of Cornwall , remarked that President Trump has a full-blown case of the dreaded Trumpapaloosa virus , as Nancy Pelosi , Robert De Niro , and LeBron James now refer @ @ @ @ @ @ @ video of DJT arriving back at the White House looking as pale as Nicole Kidman .
She could not believe that he immediately removed his mask and tossed it into a trash can .
In the background , one could clearly see several of the White House gardeners , literally running for their lives , as they were yelling that the man has gone totally insane .
Meanwhile , President Trump said that he is going to visit England no matter what , because he has been invited by Piers Morgan , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Elizabeth Hurley , Cheryl Cole , and Tottenham Hotspur footballer , Gareth Bale .

LONDON – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of Buckingham Palace say that Queen Elizabeth II has made it abundantly clear to President Trump that he will never set foot in England again.
According to London’s Tickety Boo News, Prince Charles noted that his mum cannot believe how totally cavalier, egotistic, and self-centered Trump is acting.
Even Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, remarked that President Trump has a full-blown case of the dreaded Trumpapaloosa virus, as Nancy Pelosi, Robert De Niro, and LeBron James now refer to it.
The Queen saw a video of DJT arriving back at the White House looking as pale as Nicole Kidman. She could not believe that he immediately removed his mask and tossed it into a trash can.
In the background, one could clearly see several of the White House gardeners, literally running for their lives, as they were yelling that the man has gone totally insane.
Meanwhile, President Trump said that he is going to visit England no matter what, because he has been invited by Piers Morgan, and he is really looking forward to meeting Elizabeth Hurley, Cheryl Cole, and Tottenham Hotspur footballer, Gareth Bale.


Joe Biden's Expertise

About 12 people watched the most recent presidential debate last week , and we are still sore from it .
Many , many minutes that we will never get back and brain trauma induced from the carnage .
Right now , President Trump has explained that he does have the Coronavirus , and needs to quarantine for the allotted time .
Former Vice President Joe Biden has been noted to give President Trump some grief - `` now he knows first hand , '' he wrote on his MySpace page .
Mr. Biden also noted that , as a prospective @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , he would always consider the scientists to guide his decision-making each day .
That is just what our country needs right now .
Someone that knows that it is time to do the right thing .
Biden explained that if he needed to go pee-pee , then he would consult with his expert team of scientists to see if he physically could or ethically should go on his own .
And , if the White House were low on toilet paper , should they buy more because that might be bad for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ say , `` Heck , I was raised in a cloth diaper .
Who 's to say I ca n't wipe my own ass with cloth toilet-paper too ? ''

About 12 people watched the most recent presidential debate last week, and we are still sore from it. Many, many minutes that we will never get back and brain trauma induced from the carnage.
Right now, President Trump has explained that he does have the Coronavirus, and needs to quarantine for the allotted time.
Former Vice President Joe Biden has been noted to give President Trump some grief - "now he knows first hand," he wrote on his MySpace page. Mr. Biden also noted that, as a prospective president of the United States of America, he would always consider the scientists to guide his decision-making each day.
That is just what our country needs right now. Someone that knows that it is time to do the right thing.
Biden explained that if he needed to go pee-pee, then he would consult with his expert team of scientists to see if he physically could or ethically should go on his own.
And, if the White House were low on toilet paper, should they buy more because that might be bad for the planet. He went further to say, "Heck, I was raised in a cloth diaper. Who's to say I can't wipe my own ass with cloth toilet-paper too?"
His wife shrugged her shoulders.


thespoof--2020-10-07--Senator Susan Collins Says…

Senator Susan Collins Says…

Susan Collins , the US Senator from Maine , running like a rabbit for re-election , says her opponent , Sara Gideon , will say and do anything to win the election .
Meanwhile , Susan is promising that if reelected , she will do everyone ’ s windows in Maine as a Thank You .
The race in Maine is hotly contested as the incumbent cast her vote not to impeach Donald Trump .
She dithered on whether she would or would not vote to acquit , waiting for the evidence , but decided to stick by her man @ @ @ @ @ @ @ enough evidence for Trump to be removed from office .
“ What Trump did isn ’ t great , and I wouldn ’ t have done it , ” said Susan .
That was back in December .
Just about when Trump was learning about the Coronavirus that he decided to ignore , by sitting on his hands .
Had he been removed from office , maybe Vice President Pence might have believed in the science , and prevented the death of 200,000 ; 142 of those deaths were from Maine .
Meanwhile @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Force One to Maine ( along with his contagious coronavirus ) to hold an indoor rally spreading the good word ( and possibly the virus ) for Susan Collins .
Susan asked him not to come , even though Air Force One was always a good show .
But promised to do all of the White House windows if she wins , and he doesn ’ t travel to Maine .
Maybe she does great windows .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell @ @ @

Susan Collins, the US Senator from Maine, running like a rabbit for re-election, says her opponent, Sara Gideon, will say and do anything to win the election. Meanwhile, Susan is promising that if reelected, she will do everyone’s windows in Maine as a Thank You.
The race in Maine is hotly contested as the incumbent cast her vote not to impeach Donald Trump. She dithered on whether she would or would not vote to acquit, waiting for the evidence, but decided to stick by her man, feeling that there wasn’t enough evidence for Trump to be removed from office.
“What Trump did isn’t great, and I wouldn’t have done it,” said Susan.
That was back in December. Just about when Trump was learning about the Coronavirus that he decided to ignore, by sitting on his hands. Had he been removed from office, maybe Vice President Pence might have believed in the science, and prevented the death of 200,000; 142 of those deaths were from Maine.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump is considering flying Air Force One to Maine (along with his contagious coronavirus) to hold an indoor rally spreading the good word (and possibly the virus) for Susan Collins.
Susan asked him not to come, even though Air Force One was always a good show. But promised to do all of the White House windows if she wins, and he doesn’t travel to Maine.
Maybe she does great windows.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-07--Jackass revisited! President inspires a range of game challenges. Thanks Donald!

Give the guy a break !
Everyone 's getting at the Donald , right now , just because he insists on breathing Covid into people .
But , hey , he merely wants to share with you !
Nothing wrong with that !
It makes you harder !
And thanks to the President , a whole new range of games have developed which are being enjoyed by millions worldwide .
Remember that deranged crank on the White House balcony saluting a helicopter he could barely see ?
Well , 'saluting on balconies ' has now gone viral .
Thousands have @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of fame .
Sven Sorenson , of Stockholm , stood on his veranda and waved to a wedge of white-fronted geese flying south for the winter .
He waved for more than two days .
`` They might be looking back , '' he explained .
Fred Milner , of Fort Payne , Alabama , saluted a tawny owl from his balcony for a week before his wife pointed out it was a statue on the local library roof .
'Walking places holding a bible ' is another dull-witted idea of Trump 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ way surpassed his brief stroll across the White House lawns and road to the local church .
Abdul Ali McAlly carried a Qur'an from Glasgow to Mecca , crossing respective waters in a pea green boat , while Uri Cohen circled Jerusalem three thousand times with a Torah beneath his shtreimel , and only stopped 'cos he was dizzy .
Another challenge : sneaking out of hospital with a deadly infection .
While the Donald remained in a bullet-proof car on his 82-yard drive through town , others have been more daring .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ currently suffering from Covid-19 , mumps , HIV , leprosy , scabies , Bubonic plague and a runny nose .
She walked out of the clinic yesterday , then swam a few lengths at the local pool before succumbing to the charms of the college basketball team .
On her return , she demonstrated her carnal prowess to the head nurse - and all other medical staff on duty , before biting the hospital cat .
`` Good old Pauline !
If anyone 's a superspreader , it 's her !
Trump 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
`` But clearly also an admirer .
He 's invited her to dinner next week . ''
Oh well ... hope she wears a mask ...

Give the guy a break! Everyone's getting at the Donald, right now, just because he insists on breathing Covid into people. But, hey, he merely wants to share with you! Nothing wrong with that! It makes you harder!
And thanks to the President, a whole new range of games have developed which are being enjoyed by millions worldwide.
Remember that deranged crank on the White House balcony saluting a helicopter he could barely see? Well, 'saluting on balconies' has now gone viral. Thousands have uploaded their efforts to YouTube in search of fame. Sven Sorenson, of Stockholm, stood on his veranda and waved to a wedge of white-fronted geese flying south for the winter. He waved for more than two days. "They might be looking back," he explained. Fred Milner, of Fort Payne, Alabama, saluted a tawny owl from his balcony for a week before his wife pointed out it was a statue on the local library roof.
'Walking places holding a bible' is another dull-witted idea of Trump's which has caught on. Others have way surpassed his brief stroll across the White House lawns and road to the local church. Abdul Ali McAlly carried a Qur'an from Glasgow to Mecca, crossing respective waters in a pea green boat, while Uri Cohen circled Jerusalem three thousand times with a Torah beneath his shtreimel, and only stopped 'cos he was dizzy.
Another challenge: sneaking out of hospital with a deadly infection. While the Donald remained in a bullet-proof car on his 82-yard drive through town, others have been more daring. Pauline Hasselt, of Milwaukee, is currently suffering from Covid-19, mumps, HIV, leprosy, scabies, Bubonic plague and a runny nose. She walked out of the clinic yesterday, then swam a few lengths at the local pool before succumbing to the charms of the college basketball team. On her return, she demonstrated her carnal prowess to the head nurse - and all other medical staff on duty, before biting the hospital cat. "Good old Pauline! If anyone's a superspreader, it's her! Trump's a beginner," said her consultant. "But clearly also an admirer. He's invited her to dinner next week." Oh well...hope she wears a mask...


thespoof--2020-10-08--The Fly That Pronounced The Trump Presidency Ding-Dong-Dead

During the first and last vice presidential debate , a fly , Randolph , settled and nested on top of Vice President Pence ’ s head , bounced around as though looking around for something - maybe bugs , termites , dry rot - settled down , took a nap , then woke up , cleaned up , and decided this would be the perfect place for he and his wife , Heather , to build a house and raise a family .
Whatever was being debated , at that point in time , no one can remember .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
While Randolph slept on Pence 's head , the television audience stopped listening to the debate .
Randolph stole the show .
The networks might just as well have switched off the sound .
If they had , the viewer would have better captured Pence ’ s condescending , eye-blinking attitude toward Kamala Harris .
Little silly woman , get yourself back in the kitchen .
Surely , Pence doesn ’ t speak that way to Donald Trump .
But soon , Randolph got tired of waiting for Heather , and flew @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a great place to build their house , with little noise or activity in the neighborhood .
They ’ ll make a rendezvous on the Pence 's head at a later time .
As a footnote , Kamala Harris won the debate .
The truth was on her side .
The blink , blink defense of Donald Trump 's failed administration , had no buyers .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

During the first and last vice presidential debate, a fly, Randolph, settled and nested on top of Vice President Pence’s head, bounced around as though looking around for something - maybe bugs, termites, dry rot - settled down, took a nap, then woke up, cleaned up, and decided this would be the perfect place for he and his wife, Heather, to build a house and raise a family.
Whatever was being debated, at that point in time, no one can remember. The audience's attention was focused on Randolph.
While Randolph slept on Pence's head, the television audience stopped listening to the debate.
Randolph stole the show. The networks might just as well have switched off the sound. If they had, the viewer would have better captured Pence’s condescending, eye-blinking attitude toward Kamala Harris.
Little silly woman, get yourself back in the kitchen.
Surely, Pence doesn’t speak that way to Donald Trump.
But soon, Randolph got tired of waiting for Heather, and flew away. Randolph thought it would be a great place to build their house, with little noise or activity in the neighborhood. They’ll make a rendezvous on the Pence's head at a later time.
As a footnote, Kamala Harris won the debate. The truth was on her side.
The blink, blink defense of Donald Trump's failed administration, had no buyers.
Except for Randolph.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-08--White House Says Virtual Debate Rules "Totally Unfair" to Rude Heckler Who Attended Last Event

Washington - After the Commission on Presidential Debates decided that the next debate scheduled for next week would only take @ @ @ @ @ , President Donald Trump declared that the new arrangement would be completely unfair to him @ @ @ @ @ unlikely he could heckle , interrupt and intimidate his opponent in such a format .
@ @ @ @ @ completely free of coronavirus just 10 days after contracting it , against the advice of @ @ @ @ @ that the infection can last in the body much longer .
Trump went on a @ @ @ @ @ morning after the announcement .

Washington - After the Commission on Presidential Debates decided that the next debate scheduled for next week would only take place in a virtual format, President Donald Trump declared that the new arrangement would be completely unfair to him, as it would be unlikely he could heckle, interrupt and intimidate his opponent in such a format.
Trump also said he is completely free of coronavirus just 10 days after contracting it, against the advice of health professionals, who say that the infection can last in the body much longer.
Trump went on a steroid-fueled rant on Twitter the morning after the announcement.


thespoof--2020-10-08--Utah Health Department Searching for Insect Exposed to Visitor Who Attended COVID Spreading Maskless

Utah Health Department Searching for Insect Exposed to Visitor Who Attended COVID Spreading Maskless Events in Washington D.C.

Salt Lake City - After a visitor from a COVID-19 hot spot in another state was seen in the area @ @ @ @ @ event , local health authorities became alarmed when a fly apparently ignored the plexiglass , @ @ @ @ @ requirements being enforced at the gathering , and found a temporary home on the scalp @ @ @ @ @ were examining video of the incident , and were expected to issue warnings and photos @ @ @ @ @ the public could help locate and take into custody the insect , so it could @ @ @ @ @ `` As we understand , the man who flew into Salt Lake City from Washington @ @ @ @ @ several events at a large white house near the Capitol which included hundreds of people @ @ @ @ @ distanced , and mostly did n't wear masks , against the advice of all professionals @ @ @ @ @ create a super spreading event , '' said one official .

Salt Lake City - After a visitor from a COVID-19 hot spot in another state was seen in the area participating in an indoor political event, local health authorities became alarmed when a fly apparently ignored the plexiglass, social distancing rules and mask requirements being enforced at the gathering, and found a temporary home on the scalp of the visitor.
Authorities were examining video of the incident, and were expected to issue warnings and photos of the fly in hopes the public could help locate and take into custody the insect, so it could be tested and quarantined.
"As we understand, the man who flew into Salt Lake City from Washington D.C. was in attendance at several events at a large white house near the Capitol which included hundreds of people, none of whom social distanced, and mostly didn't wear masks, against the advice of all professionals, and who did indeed create a super spreading event," said one official.