thespoof--2020-11-05--Russian Hookers Hope To Pee On Sleepy Joe’s Bed

BILLINGSGATE POST : As part of the transition between administrations , if Biden should win the presidency , Irma and @ @ @ @ @ ) , a Russian hooker tag team , hope to be invited to pee on @ @ @ @ @ bed ; a tradition that started beginning with the Trump victory four years ago .
@ @ @ @ @ disappointed that the initial report of them peeing on Donald Trump ’ s hotel bed @ @ @ @ @ British agent Michael Steele , was largely discounted , they believe that their credentials are @ @ @ @ @ statement issued by Vladimir Putin yesterday , it appears that they have his backing : @ @ @ @ @ handpicked by me for this job .
To promote the close relationship I have with @ @ @ @ @ hope that this becomes an integral part of their election tradition.
” Slim : “ @ @ @ @ @ say that this is bogus ; but what the Hell ... .
” Dirty : @ @ @ @ @ If credibility were an issue , neither of us would survive .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: As part of the transition between administrations, if Biden should win the presidency, Irma and Irina (last names redacted), a Russian hooker tag team, hope to be invited to pee on Sleepy Joe Biden’s bed; a tradition that started beginning with the Trump victory four years ago.
Although Irma and Irina were disappointed that the initial report of them peeing on Donald Trump’s hotel bed in Moscow, promulgated by British agent Michael Steele, was largely discounted, they believe that their credentials are impeccable.
In a no-nonsense statement issued by Vladimir Putin yesterday, it appears that they have his backing:
“Irma and Irina were handpicked by me for this job. To promote the close relationship I have with American presidents, I would hope that this becomes an integral part of their election tradition.”
Slim: “Part of me wants to say that this is bogus; but what the Hell....”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If credibility were an issue, neither of us would survive.”


thespoof--2020-11-05--Hope Hicks Says The President Has Texted Her 291 Times Since The Election Polls Closed on Tuesday

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A White House insider , who is very close to Trump @ @ @ @ @ and reputed inamorata , Hope Hicks , claims that Hicks said that the president is @ @ @ @ @ up hurting himself .
Hicks revealed that he has texted her close to 300 times @ @ @ @ @ that he will forever be known as the most hated , mean , cruel piece-of-shit @ @ @ @ @ world presidents .
Hope reportedly tried to console him by sending him a photo of @ @ @ @ @ up .
He texted her back saying that he wants to see a photo of @ @ @ @ @ down .
Hope fired back that she is not that kind of girl , and @ @ @ @ @ call up his former slut girlfriend Stormy Daniels , and set up a rendezvous with @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A White House insider, who is very close to Trump’s chief adviser, and reputed inamorata, Hope Hicks, claims that Hicks said that the president is extremely depressed and may end up hurting himself.
Hicks revealed that he has texted her close to 300 times. He expressed to her that he will forever be known as the most hated, mean, cruel piece-of-shit president in the history of world presidents.
Hope reportedly tried to console him by sending him a photo of herself nude from the waist up.
He texted her back saying that he wants to see a photo of her naked from the waist down.
Hope fired back that she is not that kind of girl, and suggested that he needed to call up his former slut girlfriend Stormy Daniels, and set up a rendezvous with her.


thespoof--2020-11-05--Kimberly Guilfoyle Says That Her Boyfriend Donald Jr. is So Depressed She’s Afraid He May Do Some Ha

Kimberly Guilfoyle Says That Her Boyfriend Donald Jr. is So Depressed She’s Afraid He May Do Some Hard-Core Drugs

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Kimberly Guilfoyle , the piece of ass , who broke up @ @ @ @ @ , marriage , was in the Big Apple getting her hair done , her nails @ @ @ @ @ her hooha Brazilian waxed .
She was asked by a reporter with iNews how the @ @ @ @ @ the “ Divider-in-Chief ’ s ” ass kicking .
Kimby , replied , not to @ @ @ @ @ sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper , and said that she is afraid that her @ @ @ @ @ up doing some hard core drugs .
She noted that Ivanka wants to move to @ @ @ @ @ walking around like a zombie in his Spider Man boxer shorts .
When asked about @ @ @ @ @ said that Melly is as happy as a woodpecker in a California redwood forest .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Kimberly Guilfoyle, the piece of ass, who broke up Donald Trump Jr’s., marriage, was in the Big Apple getting her hair done, her nails manicured and pedicured, and her hooha Brazilian waxed.
She was asked by a reporter with iNews how the Trump’s were taking the “Divider-in-Chief’s” ass kicking.
Kimby, replied, not to well. She took a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper, and said that she is afraid that her handsome boyfriend, may end up doing some hard core drugs.
She noted that Ivanka wants to move to Detroit, and Eric is walking around like a zombie in his Spider Man boxer shorts.
When asked about Melania. She giggled and said that Melly is as happy as a woodpecker in a California redwood forest.


thespoof--2020-11-05--A White House Maid Has Revealed That President Trump Has Locked Himself In His Bedroom and Is Sobbin

A White House Maid Has Revealed That President Trump Has Locked Himself In His Bedroom and Is Sobbing Uncontrollably

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The Grandiose News Agency is reporting that the Trump family is @ @ @ @ @ .
A White House maid disclosed that she has personally heard the President sobbing like @ @ @ @ @ locked bedroom .
The maid added that Melania asked her husband to open the door @ @ @ @ @ : “ Go back to Slovenia , bitch !
” Eric Trump , who was @ @ @ @ @ told his step-mother that his daddy was just joking .
Melania reportedly slapped Eric in @ @ @ @ @ that she was sick and tired of living in the effen Ringling Brothers , Barnum @ @ @ @ @ Eric said that he was going to tell Ivanka what she had said , and @ @ @ @ @ .
Melania allegedly said , “ Run to jur fake blonde , giraffe-looking seester , @ @ @ @ @ of jus can keys my hot , sexy Slovenian ass !
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Grandiose News Agency is reporting that the Trump family is very concerned about the President.
A White House maid disclosed that she has personally heard the President sobbing like a banshee, in his locked bedroom.
The maid added that Melania asked her husband to open the door, and he yelled out: “Go back to Slovenia, bitch!”
Eric Trump, who was standing next to her, told his step-mother that his daddy was just joking.
Melania reportedly slapped Eric in the face, and screamed that she was sick and tired of living in the effen Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey friggin Circus.
Eric said that he was going to tell Ivanka what she had said, and also that she bitch-slapped him.
Melania allegedly said, “Run to jur fake blonde, giraffe-looking seester, ju little beach and boaf of jus can keys my hot, sexy Slovenian ass!”


thespoof--2020-11-05--Senators Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham Finally Admit That Yes, President Donald Trump is a Raci

Senators Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham Finally Admit That Yes, President Donald Trump is a Racist

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Vox Populi is saying that Kentucky Senator McConnell and South Carolina @ @ @ @ @ each victorious in their senate races , are both now saying that yes , President @ @ @ @ @ .
When asked why they had waited four years to reveal Trump ’ s racism @ @ @ @ @ were both afraid as hell of the President .
Senator Graham revealed that he once @ @ @ @ @ the older senators smack dab in his onions , because he dared to make a @ @ @ @ @ And McConnell added that DJT once threatened to tell the White House press that a @ @ @ @ @ than he had .
Both spineless senators say that , now that Trump has gotten @ @ @ @ @ Biden , more senators and staff members are going to come forward , with very @ @ @ @ @ who , some say , makes Adolf Hitler look like that sissified Jared Kushner .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Vox Populi is saying that Kentucky Senator McConnell and South Carolina Senator Graham, who were each victorious in their senate races, are both now saying that yes, President Trump is positively a racist.
When asked why they had waited four years to reveal Trump’s racism, McConnell replied that they were both afraid as hell of the President.
Senator Graham revealed that he once saw POTUS kick one of the older senators smack dab in his onions, because he dared to make a comment about his hairdo.
And McConnell added that DJT once threatened to tell the White House press that a canary has a bigger pecker than he had.
Both spineless senators say that, now that Trump has gotten his ass stomped by Joe Biden, more senators and staff members are going to come forward, with very personal tidbits about the President who, some say, makes Adolf Hitler look like that sissified Jared Kushner.


thespoof--2020-11-05--Trump moves to rule USA forever

Trump moves to rule USA forever

President Donald J Trump has announced a high level State of Emergency in all federal states of the Union following @ @ @ @ @ Biden emerging from the election as President of the USA .
Trump has authorised national @ @ @ @ @ a strict curfew , and anybody transgressing the conditions to be imprisoned without charge.There are @ @ @ @ @ may even be empowered to defend the curfew .
`` This election result will not @ @ @ @ @ way I will tolerate `` Sleepy Joe '' taking my office and riding round in @ @ @ @ @ Trump emoted , whilst holding a number 8 spanner in his hand .
He will @ @ @ @ @ Proud Boys , probably to provide a ring of security around the White House .
@ @ @ @ @ office from that of President to Emperor for the foreseeable future .

President Donald J Trump has announced a high level State of Emergency in all federal states of the Union following the likelihood of Democrat Joe Biden emerging from the election as President of the USA.
Trump has authorised national guard units nationwide to enforce a strict curfew, and anybody transgressing the conditions to be imprisoned without charge.There are chances that the Armed Forces may even be empowered to defend the curfew.
"This election result will not stand. There is no way I will tolerate "Sleepy Joe" taking my office and riding round in my limo," President Trump emoted, whilst holding a number 8 spanner in his hand. He will seek the services of the Proud Boys, probably to provide a ring of security around the White House.
Trump is considering turning his office from that of President to Emperor for the foreseeable future.


thespoof--2020-11-05--Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster seen using UFOs to deliver ballots to Detroit polling center

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing a bevy of unusual activity at the TCF Center in Detroit as ballot counting continues .
One protestor , who asked to remain anonymous , stated , `` It started with the barriers .
I was really upset when they put those up .
How are those poll workers supposed to hear me tell them to hurry up if they are busy ignoring me while they try to count ? ''
She continued to describe an escalating scene of suspicious activity .
`` I thought it was fishy already , but when other people started seeing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ up in a spaceship with a bunch of sacks , I really got suspicious ! ''
Initial reports suggested that it may have been Champ , the Lake Champlain Monster , but someone on site clarified , '' Lake Champlain is n't in America like Loch Ness is . ''
From most of the reactions , it appeared that building the barricades between the poll workers and protests was the larger point of contention .
Local poll watchdog Bubba Franks speculated , `` I think they brought them there monsters in to make @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knows them varmints are mighty elusive , and having them here is an excuse to block people from seeing the real monkey business going on inside ! ''
We tracked down Bigfoot who was willing to explain things from his perspective , although he did request that he be allowed to speak from behind some local vegetation because he `` had a rep to protect . ''
`` There really is n't anything untoward going on here .
Believe me , I of all bipedal mammals understand the allure of a good conspiracy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ want to perform a very important job without outside interruptions is just silly ! ''
Bigfoot went on to explain that it was , in fact , Champ that was with him , despite rumors to the contrary , and that they always travel by UFO to cover their tracks and keep the mystery and mystique of their brands alive .
`` You know , people would stop making a big deal out of us if they actually found us , and driving around in a UFO is a great diversionary tactic .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
You would n't believe how much food that elasimasaurus can throw down ! ''
Champ added , `` I 'm not sure why people come up with all this crazy stuff .
I personally feel that real life is interesting enough .
Then again , I 'm a living legend and one of the last dinosaurs on earth , so maybe my life is cooler than most . ''

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing a bevy of unusual activity at the TCF Center in Detroit as ballot counting continues.
One protestor, who asked to remain anonymous, stated, "It started with the barriers. I was really upset when they put those up. How are those poll workers supposed to hear me tell them to hurry up if they are busy ignoring me while they try to count?"
She continued to describe an escalating scene of suspicious activity. "I thought it was fishy already, but when other people started seeing Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster show up in a spaceship with a bunch of sacks, I really got suspicious!"
Initial reports suggested that it may have been Champ, the Lake Champlain Monster, but someone on site clarified,
"Lake Champlain isn't in America like Loch Ness is."
From most of the reactions, it appeared that building the barricades between the poll workers and protests was the larger point of contention. Local poll watchdog Bubba Franks speculated, "I think they brought them there monsters in to make an excuse for the barriers! Everyone knows them varmints are mighty elusive, and having them here is an excuse to block people from seeing the real monkey business going on inside!"
We tracked down Bigfoot who was willing to explain things from his perspective, although he did request that he be allowed to speak from behind some local vegetation because he "had a rep to protect."
"There really isn't anything untoward going on here. Believe me, I of all bipedal mammals understand the allure of a good conspiracy theory, but complaining that some people want to perform a very important job without outside interruptions is just silly!"
Bigfoot went on to explain that it was, in fact, Champ that was with him, despite rumors to the contrary, and that they always travel by UFO to cover their tracks and keep the mystery and mystique of their brands alive.
"You know, people would stop making a big deal out of us if they actually found us, and driving around in a UFO is a great diversionary tactic. The big white sacks were just lunch. You wouldn't believe how much food that elasimasaurus can throw down!"
Champ added, "I'm not sure why people come up with all this crazy stuff. I personally feel that real life is interesting enough. Then again, I'm a living legend and one of the last dinosaurs on earth, so maybe my life is cooler than most."


thespoof--2020-11-07--Kanye West Hints At Voting Fraud

Kanye West Hints At Voting Fraud

As if the 2020 US presidential election had n't already been controversial enough , there was fresh drama , late last night , when Kanye West suggested that there may have been something wrong with the voting process .
West , who , official figures show , received at all , told reporters that he believed there had been `` a major disruption '' in the electoral process which had prevented his fans registering their votes for him .
Further , he claimed , the votes of people who managed to vote for him , had been thrown into rubbish @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
There has , thus far , been no 'hard evidence ' of any anti-West vote rigging .
As a black candidate , Mr. West had imagined that , with all his hit records behind him , he would split the two main parties and secure a historic place in the White House with the support of his legions of faithful fans , but this appears not to have been the case .
`` There has been cheating on a massive scale .
It 's not possible that not a single , solitary @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nation of the United States of America voted for me .
I had my dad 's that he 'd vote for me . ''
Political analysts have said that the chump should probably stick to recording music in the future .

As if the 2020 US presidential election hadn't already been controversial enough, there was fresh drama, late last night, when Kanye West suggested that there may have been something wrong with the voting process.
West, who, official figures show, received no votes at all, told reporters that he believed there had been "a major disruption" in the electoral process which had prevented his fans registering their votes for him.
Further, he claimed, the votes of people who had managed to vote for him, had been thrown into rubbish sacks, which had now mysteriously disappeared.
There has, thus far, been no 'hard evidence' of any anti-West vote rigging.
As a black candidate, Mr. West had imagined that, with all his hit records behind him, he would split the two main parties and secure a historic place in the White House with the support of his legions of faithful fans, but this appears not to have been the case.
West made a statement via Twitter, saying:
"There has been cheating on a massive scale. It's not possible that not a single, solitary person in the whole of this great nation of the United States of America voted for me. I had my dad's assurance that he'd vote for me."
Political analysts have said that the chump should probably stick to recording music in the future.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Guy Who Said Philadelphia Was a Horrible Place Can't Believe That He's Not Winning the Vote There

Philadelphia , PA - President Donald Trump complained loudly , on Friday , that the voting in the Commonwealth of @ @ @ @ @ cities was going against him , and that there simply had to be fraud involved.. @ @ @ @ @ in particular , recently claiming that `` bad things happen in Philadelphia . ''
However @ @ @ @ @ were calculated by vote centers in the area , the people of Philadelphia rewarded the @ @ @ @ @ against him by margins of around 85 to 15 percent .
`` This is fraudulent @ @ @ @ @ something wrong here , '' said the President , during a White House briefing on @ @ @ @ @ me in Philadelphia . ''

Philadelphia, PA - President Donald Trump complained loudly, on Friday, that the voting in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and its two largest cities was going against him, and that there simply had to be fraud involved..
Trump has repeatedly belittled Philadelphia in particular, recently claiming that "bad things happen in Philadelphia."
However, as mail-in voting returns were calculated by vote centers in the area, the people of Philadelphia rewarded the President's admiration by voting against him by margins of around 85 to 15 percent.
"This is fraudulent, there has to be something wrong here," said the President, during a White House briefing on Thursday. "Everyone loves me in Philadelphia."


thespoof--2020-11-06--US Presidential Election Result To Be In By Christmas

As the counting of votes continues in the 2020 US presidential election , and the reputation of the process slides further and further into the mud , there was good news this afternoon , when it was announced that ALL results will definitely be in and counted by Christmas .
With Joseph Biden leading Donald Trump by 264 electoral college seats to 214 , with Georgia , Pennsylvania and Arizona still counting , it looks very much as if the President may be ousted from his Twitterden .
Using what has become known as Trumpian Logic , the President has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has lost , claiming that the election has been rigged , stolen from him , and that the counts in those places are illegal because he is behind Joe Biden .
But more suspicions are being aroused because of the time being taken over the totting-up of the ballot papers .
A representative of the US Electoral Voting Commission said that more than a thousand extra staff have now been taken on to assist with the process , and special state-of-the-art machinery is being introduced to speed things up .
Final results may @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Biden wins , but it 's hoped that a winner can be announced by Christmas .
This year or next .

As the counting of votes continues in the 2020 US presidential election, and the reputation of the process slides further and further into the mud, there was good news this afternoon, when it was announced that ALL results will definitely be in and counted by Christmas.
Christmas 2021, that is.
With Joseph Biden leading Donald Trump by 264 electoral college seats to 214, with Georgia, Pennsylvania and Arizona still counting, it looks very much as if the President may be ousted from his Twitterden.
Using what has become known as Trumpian Logic, the President has threatened legal action in states wherever he has lost, claiming that the election has been rigged, stolen from him, and that the counts in those places are illegal because he is behind Joe Biden.
But more suspicions are being aroused because of the time being taken over the totting-up of the ballot papers.
A representative of the US Electoral Voting Commission said that more than a thousand extra staff have now been taken on to assist with the process, and special state-of-the-art machinery is being introduced to speed things up.
Final results may be subject to legal hearings in everywhere Mr. Biden wins, but it's hoped that a winner can be announced by Christmas.
This year or next.


thespoof--2020-11-06--American media broken by apparent Biden victory

Massive layoffs are expected at CNN , MSNBC , Saturday Night Live and across the alphabet networks , as the @ @ @ @ @ the manufactured scandals surrounding the four years of Donald Trump , the 24-hour propaganda platforms @ @ @ @ @ to say .
Talks are starting between the various outlets to decide on a strategy @ @ @ @ @ the Biden administration ’ s desire for redecorating the White House in a midwestern 50s @ @ @ @ @ counter in the White House canteen , complete with a soda fountain and a record @ @ @ @ @ swimming pool with a lifeguard stand is planned for the Rose Garden , and a @ @ @ @ @ Jockey either side of the entrance is expected to be installed next to the portico @ @ @ @ @ s old Corvette convertible .

Massive layoffs are expected at CNN, MSNBC, Saturday Night Live and across the alphabet networks, as the realization sets in that without the manufactured scandals surrounding the four years of Donald Trump, the 24-hour propaganda platforms will have little or nothing to say.
Talks are starting between the various outlets to decide on a strategy of covering the plans of the Biden administration’s desire for redecorating the White House in a midwestern 50s motif with a segregated lunch counter in the White House canteen, complete with a soda fountain and a record player.
A large municipal-style swimming pool with a lifeguard stand is planned for the Rose Garden, and a metal carport with a Lawn Jockey either side of the entrance is expected to be installed next to the portico, to house Biden’s old Corvette convertible.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Republicans desperately search for scientists to back "Alternate Counting Theory"

Republicans have very recently started discussing a new scientific theory that they feel would more accurately reflect the views of their constituents .
During a meeting to discuss the ramifications of election results , a contingent of Republican Senators began discussing alternative ways of interpreting ballot results .
During the closed door session , sources indicated that Republicans were seeking a long term strategy that might prove more effective than `` stop the steal '' .
The source explained the general content of the discussions , `` A lot of the long time Senators had stated they wanted something that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ election . ''
Some of the suggested approaches were : - Validating only half the votes cast after 10:00 am , after all the old people are done voting .
- Give different voting districts varying values based on a subjective value applied based on undiscussed criteria .
After it was determined that nobody knew what Euclidean meant , and the other methods had already been tried and failed , one unnamed Lindsey Graham mentioned the success that digging up a few scientists that disagree in climate science had been in building a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ He then suggested the possibility of finding scientists that might offer a descending opinion on counting .
Although , it is still very early in the development the source stated that it already seemed more difficult to find the right scientists to help support a alternate counting theory .
`` We already reached out to some of our favorite scientists , but even they had trouble coming up with ways to manipulate the results of basic math .
One ambitious conservative scientist in need of research money suggested treating the `` D '' @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reduces the value of the vote by half but that was seen as a bit too obvious , but `` only by a little bit '' .
It seems that the arbitrary nature of basic addition poses greater obstacles to alternative lines of thinking than something as subjective as observing that throwing a candy wrapper on the ground is littering .
Senators were still optimistic that long term they 'll come up with the proper solution because , `` when you are feeding people information that they want to hear the threshold for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time being of the essence , some short term options are already being pursued as a stopgap measure until a solidified message can be crafted .
`` We figure just using a couple of our bot accounts on Facebook ought to do the trick .
If that is n't enough , we always have prime time on Fox to fall back on . ''

Republicans have very recently started discussing a new scientific theory that they feel would more accurately reflect the views of their constituents. During a meeting to discuss the ramifications of election results, a contingent of Republican Senators began discussing alternative ways of interpreting ballot results.
During the closed door session, sources indicated that Republicans were seeking a long term strategy that might prove more effective than "stop the steal". The source explained the general content of the discussions, "A lot of the long time Senators had stated they wanted something that they can use in more than one election."
Some of the suggested approaches were:
- Using Euclidean Geometry to count votes.
- Validating only half the votes cast after 10:00 am, after all the old people are done voting.
- Give different voting districts varying values based on a subjective value applied based on undiscussed criteria.
After it was determined that nobody knew what Euclidean meant, and the other methods had already been tried and failed, one unnamed Lindsey Graham mentioned the success that digging up a few scientists that disagree in climate science had been in building a counter argument for sensible conservation practices. He then suggested the possibility of finding scientists that might offer a descending opinion on counting.
Although, it is still very early in the development the source stated that it already seemed more difficult to find the right scientists to help support a alternate counting theory. "We already reached out to some of our favorite scientists, but even they had trouble coming up with ways to manipulate the results of basic math. One ambitious conservative scientist in need of research money suggested treating the "D" on ballots as a math character that reduces the value of the vote by half but that was seen as a bit too obvious, but "only by a little bit". It seems that the arbitrary nature of basic addition poses greater obstacles to alternative lines of thinking than something as subjective as observing that throwing a candy wrapper on the ground is littering.
Senators were still optimistic that long term they'll come up with the proper solution because, "when you are feeding people information that they want to hear the threshold for proof drops very low."
With time being of the essence, some short term options are already being pursued as a stopgap measure until a solidified message can be crafted. "We figure just using a couple of our bot accounts on Facebook ought to do the trick. If that isn't enough, we always have prime time on Fox to fall back on."


thespoof--2020-11-06--Washington orchestra plays dirge to Trump on world’s smallest violins

As the Donald ranted and raved about fraud , and demanded that votes against him be discounted and votes for him should be doubled or even tripled , and a baffled American media attempted to rationalize his comments , the Washington DC orchestra hastily gathered to play some mood music .
The musicians , sensibly standing two metres apart , braved the cold weather , COVID-19 infection and gun-toting Trump militias wandering the streets of the capital to entertain an electorate weary of the most divisive election in the nation 's history .
And they opened by playing , on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the theme music to the Godfather , followed by Chariots of Fire , to celebrate the close race to the White House .
Meanwhile , an angry POTUS was tweeting and suing several states .
A legal analyst commented that the leader of the free world appeared to be demanding that the Supreme Court turn the Unites States into a tyranny by disregarding the result of a free and fair election .
Entertainment Tonight played the music to Gershwin 's `` Puting on the Glitz '' with the lyrics changed to `` Putting @ @ @ @ @

As the Donald ranted and raved about fraud, and demanded that votes against him be discounted and votes for him should be doubled or even tripled, and a baffled American media attempted to rationalize his comments, the Washington DC orchestra hastily gathered to play some mood music.
The musicians, sensibly standing two metres apart, braved the cold weather, COVID-19 infection and gun-toting Trump militias wandering the streets of the capital to entertain an electorate weary of the most divisive election in the nation's history.
And they opened by playing, on the world’s smallest violins, the theme music to the Godfather, followed by Chariots of Fire, to celebrate the close race to the White House.
Meanwhile, an angry POTUS was tweeting and suing several states. A legal analyst commented that the leader of the free world appeared to be demanding that the Supreme Court turn the Unites States into a tyranny by disregarding the result of a free and fair election. Entertainment Tonight played the music to Gershwin's "Puting on the Glitz" with the lyrics changed to "Putting out the writs".
More to follow.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Trump Jr Calls for "Total War" Over Rigged Election

Trump Election HQ , Washington , DC - A SOURful Woof Blister reporting for Spoof On Unverified Rumors .
Donald @ @ @ @ @ father 's fear that the presidential election had been rigged , tweeted , late today @ @ @ @ @ `` go to total war '' over what Republicans claim are fraudulent election results .
@ @ @ @ @ '' may have been metaphorical , but the worry is how the agitated and devastated @ @ @ @ @ call for `` total war '' .
A week ago , The Spoof noted that @ @ @ @ @ and nerve gas , normally aimed at China , North Korea and Russia , so @ @ @ @ @ American cities which were Democratic strongholds .
Coupled with today 's tweet , the possibility @ @ @ @ @ .
Right wing militias and pro-Trump suburban women may read Trump Jr 's tweet literally @ @ @ @ @ , store fronts that have n't been boarded up around the country are now likely @ @ @ @ @ of a plywood lumber yard .

Trump Election HQ, Washington, DC - A SOURful Woof Blister reporting for Spoof On Unverified Rumors. Donald Trump Jr, echoing his father's fear that the presidential election had been rigged, tweeted, late today, that his father should "go to total war" over what Republicans claim are fraudulent election results. The phrase "total war" may have been metaphorical, but the worry is how the agitated and devastated Trump supporters will interpret the call for "total war".
A week ago, The Spoof noted that the President was re-targeting nukes and nerve gas, normally aimed at China, North Korea and Russia, so that they were aimed at American cities which were Democratic strongholds. Coupled with today's tweet, the possibility of violence is heightened enormously. Right wing militias and pro-Trump suburban women may read Trump Jr's tweet literally. In light of that, store fronts that haven't been boarded up around the country are now likely to take on the appearance of a plywood lumber yard.


thespoof--2020-11-06--How Trump Will Still Be Re-Elected

How Trump Will Still Be Re-Elected

Republican HQ , Washington , D. C. Special to The Spoof .
A tweet by President Donald Trump , shortly after 5 p m today , revealed his latest move to overturn the apparent Biden victory and give himself another four years in the White House .
`` We will demand a re-run of the election in four states : Pennsylvania , Georgia , Arizona and Nevada .
Irregularities in the vote counting , refusal to allow our observers to watch the count , illegal counting of fraudulent ballots , counting of ballots that arrived late , and other violations @ @ @ @ @ @ @ recount , but a re-run of the election in those four states .
We are filing an appeal to the Supreme Court immediately . ''
Political analysts at The Spoof are convinced the Supreme Court , by a vote of 6-3 , will support the President 's appeal , and will order a re-election , not a re-count , in those four states .
The real basis for Trump 's appeal has nothing to do with so-called election law violations .
It is the large vote for the Libertarian party candidate , Jo @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump the electoral vote of each of those four states .
In all four , the Jorgensen vote was greater than the lead Biden had over Trump .
Analysts expect Jorgensen to instruct Libertarian voters to cast their votes for Trump in the re-run , giving the President the electoral vote of all four states ... and the presidency for four more years .
In return , Libertarians will have a major role in policies during the President 's second term .
If this sounds like a re-run of 2000 when Ralph Nader @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Florida , it is .

Republican HQ, Washington, D. C. Special to The Spoof. A tweet by President Donald Trump, shortly after 5 p m today, revealed his latest move to overturn the apparent Biden victory and give himself another four years in the White House.
"We will demand a re-run of the election in four states: Pennsylvania, Georgia, Arizona and Nevada. Irregularities in the vote counting, refusal to allow our observers to watch the count, illegal counting of fraudulent ballots, counting of ballots that arrived late, and other violations of election law demand not just a recount, but a re-run of the election in those four states. We are filing an appeal to the Supreme Court immediately."
Political analysts at The Spoof are convinced the Supreme Court, by a vote of 6-3, will support the President's appeal, and will order a re-election, not a re-count, in those four states. The real basis for Trump's appeal has nothing to do with so-called election law violations. It is the large vote for the Libertarian party candidate, Jo Jorgensen, a vote that actually cost Trump the electoral vote of each of those four states. In all four, the Jorgensen vote was greater than the lead Biden had over Trump. Analysts expect Jorgensen to instruct Libertarian voters to cast their votes for Trump in the re-run, giving the President the electoral vote of all four states... and the presidency for four more years. In return, Libertarians will have a major role in policies during the President's second term.
If this sounds like a re-run of 2000 when Ralph Nader cost Al Gore the electoral votes from Florida, it is.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Trump Claims He Owns Copy Of Bible ‘Signed By The Author’

President Donald Trump is said to have claimed he has an “ original copy of the Bible signed by the author.
” The President reportedly told a small group of religious advisors and a visiting White House tour group that he obtained the “ first edition from a source that works in the Vatican.
” The President , in a tight re-election campaign , told members of his inner circle that he was prepared to go public with an announcement in the near future , and believes it will help sway any undecided conservatives and members of the Church .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ House staff , who asked to speak off-the-record , the President hasn ’ t publicly shown anyone the ancient text .
However , he said that , after its authenticity is confirmed by Fox ’ s Sean Hannity , Vice President Pence and the My Pillow guy , he plans on calling a news conference to display it .
Religious scholars and members of the clergy are highly skeptical , to say the least , that an original copy of the tome exists .
Equally puzzling “ is the President ’ s alleging @ @ @ @ @ @ @ signed by the author , whoever that would be , ” said a theologian .
Trump , however , insists it ’ s true , although he ’ s not sure if it ’ s the Old Testament edition or its sequel .
In any case , he says , it ’ s in pristine condition .
Dr. Neville Kissntell , a political professor at Barnyard University , says it may not matter if Trump ever actually displays it .
“ Trump supporters and others inclined to vote for him have taken , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ preaches , no matter how outlandish .
As for the still undecided voters , this is either going to win them over or send them fleeing like the Jews out of Egypt.
” The anonymous source also said that Trump plans a series of other measures to capture the church-going voters .
They include petitioning the Vatican for martyrdom status , as well as implementing a strategy the Trump campaign calls the Virgin Mary .
In addition to the Bible , Trump said he recently purchased another ancient biblical relic from a collector @ @ @ @ @ @ @ has in his possession an autographed slip of parchment with the signatures of Peter , Paul and Mary superimposed on what was described by the seller as a ‘ lute ’ .

President Donald Trump is said to have claimed he has an “original copy of the Bible signed by the author.” The President reportedly told a small group of religious advisors and a visiting White House tour group that he obtained the “first edition from a source that works in the Vatican.”
The President, in a tight re-election campaign, told members of his inner circle that he was prepared to go public with an announcement in the near future, and believes it will help sway any undecided conservatives and members of the Church.
According to a person on the White House staff, who asked to speak off-the-record, the President hasn’t publicly shown anyone the ancient text. However, he said that, after its authenticity is confirmed by Fox’s Sean Hannity, Vice President Pence and the My Pillow guy, he plans on calling a news conference to display it.
Religious scholars and members of the clergy are highly skeptical, to say the least, that an original copy of the tome exists. Equally puzzling “is the President’s alleging that he has one that’s signed by the author, whoever that would be,” said a theologian. Trump, however, insists it’s true, although he’s not sure if it’s the Old Testament edition or its sequel. In any case, he says, it’s in pristine condition.
Dr. Neville Kissntell, a political professor at Barnyard University, says it may not matter if Trump ever actually displays it. “Trump supporters and others inclined to vote for him have taken, as gospel, pretty much anything he preaches, no matter how outlandish. As for the still undecided voters, this is either going to win them over or send them fleeing like the Jews out of Egypt.”
The anonymous source also said that Trump plans a series of other measures to capture the church-going voters. They include petitioning the Vatican for martyrdom status, as well as implementing a strategy the Trump campaign calls the Virgin Mary.
In addition to the Bible, Trump said he recently purchased another ancient biblical relic from a collector. According to the President, he has in his possession an autographed slip of parchment with the signatures of Peter, Paul and Mary superimposed on what was described by the seller as a ‘lute’.


thespoof--2020-11-07--Donald Trump Blames Everyone, Including Dora The Explorer, For His Loss

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Chris Wallace , with Fox News , has opined that the 74-year-old president of the United States is acting like a damn spoiled brat child .
Wallace remarked that Trump the Chump can not stand that the good , kind American people simply got fed up with all of his racist chicken shit and decided to throw his ass into the Potomac River .
And now he needs to grow a pair of balls and admit what millions already know , that he has about as much business being president as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of being a brain surgeon .
But the arrogant , pompous jerk , who only loves himself , will never admit that he is wrong , and that he literally sucked as a president .
Now he is blaming everyone for his monumental loss , including the entire Golden State Warriors team , the McCain and Romney supporters , his niece , Mary Trump , Dr. Anthony Fauci , and even sweet , little Dora the Explorer .
Meanwhile , TMZ is reporting that Melania and Ivanka are going to have an intervention @ @ @ @ @ @ @ DJT committed to a mental institution .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Chris Wallace, with Fox News, has opined that the 74-year-old president of the United States is acting like a damn spoiled brat child.
Wallace remarked that Trump the Chump cannot stand that the good, kind American people simply got fed up with all of his racist chicken shit and decided to throw his ass into the Potomac River.
And now he needs to grow a pair of balls and admit what millions already know, that he has about as much business being president as his goofy soon, Eric, has of being a brain surgeon.
But the arrogant, pompous jerk, who only loves himself, will never admit that he is wrong, and that he literally sucked as a president.
Now he is blaming everyone for his monumental loss, including the entire Golden State Warriors team, the McCain and Romney supporters, his niece, Mary Trump, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and even sweet, little Dora the Explorer.
Meanwhile, TMZ is reporting that Melania and Ivanka are going to have an intervention, and they are going to have DJT committed to a mental institution.


thespoof--2020-11-06--Invisible virus hits Washington DC as all padded cells in local Loony Bin are filled with HIM and hi

Invisible virus hits Washington DC as all padded cells in local Loony Bin are filled with HIM and his entourage!

( NOT EDITED ) As the world fights against a tsunami of Covid 19 cases , a mysterious virus has hit a certain part of Washington DC .
This virus is invisible , attacks the brain , and tends to hit infamous loonies with impunity !
The complete Trump family have been put into quarantine in a local loony bin because it seems as though nobody else has caught it until now , apart from his entourage .
The present president , who has obvious symptoms of this brain-damaging virus , has been officially 'shut-down ' !
Although many observers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ him down with a straight jacket ' .
A white van appeared at the gates of The White House , and it seems not only the president himself was carted away ranting and raving like a lunatic !
His missus , went quietly , locked-down in a straightjacket too .
Trump 's sons were also forcibly dragged away screaming , `` Hallelujah , God will strike anybody down who dares enter our sacred house ! ''
The president 's private priestess , a total fucking loony , was seen hammering her head against @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ex-terrace yelling , `` Trump is a reincarnated Nero and will burn the city to ashes if he is removed from his rightful residence ! ''
She also was dragged into a white van wearing a straight jacket !
Loony Bin doctors are complaining that all of their padded cells are now filled with loonies infected by a very strange virus .
All other in-patients have been transferred to 'Tent City ' because local hospices are full of Covid 19 patients tipping over like flies in a Chicago winter .
Trump 's entire @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who still believe in the 'Nutter ' , are now locked down in padded cells .
The White House is empty until someone learns to count .
`` The fucking White House dog was infected by Obama spies sponsored by those Chinese rats !
I stroked his ears , and he is to blame for my utter , utter madness , but I 'll be back !
The only way I 'm leaving my rightful residence is in a coffin ! ''
Local funeral directors have put in offers to bring the mega-loony @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it certainly wo n't be the White House , even if he still believes it !
More as we count it !

(NOT EDITED) As the world fights against a tsunami of Covid 19 cases, a mysterious virus has hit a certain part of Washington DC. This virus is invisible, attacks the brain, and tends to hit infamous loonies with impunity!
The complete Trump family have been put into quarantine in a local loony bin because it seems as though nobody else has caught it until now, apart from his entourage. The present president, who has obvious symptoms of this brain-damaging virus, has been officially 'shut-down'! Although many observers believe it would be better to 'lock him down with a straight jacket'.
A white van appeared at the gates of The White House, and it seems not only the president himself was carted away ranting and raving like a lunatic! His missus, went quietly, locked-down in a straightjacket too. Trump's sons were also forcibly dragged away screaming, "Hallelujah, God will strike anybody down who dares enter our sacred house!"
The president's private priestess, a total fucking loony, was seen hammering her head against one of the pillars supporting Trump's ex-terrace yelling, "Trump is a reincarnated Nero and will burn the city to ashes if he is removed from his rightful residence!" She also was dragged into a white van wearing a straight jacket!
Loony Bin doctors are complaining that all of their padded cells are now filled with loonies infected by a very strange virus. All other in-patients have been transferred to 'Tent City' because local hospices are full of Covid 19 patients tipping over like flies in a Chicago winter.
Trump's entire family, plus his entire entourage, who still believe in the 'Nutter', are now locked down in padded cells. The White House is empty until someone learns to count.
Trump's latest twitter was this message:
"The fucking White House dog was infected by Obama spies sponsored by those Chinese rats! I stroked his ears, and he is to blame for my utter, utter madness, but I'll be back! The only way I'm leaving my rightful residence is in a coffin!"
Local funeral directors have put in offers to bring the mega-loony to his final resting place, and it certainly won't be the White House, even if he still believes it!
More as we count it!


thespoof--2020-11-06--Donald Trump leaving frozen prawns in the white house

Having taken his ball away , and no longer wanting to play with the big boys , Donald Trump has said that he is planning to leave fish , frozen prawns , and anything he can think of in the White House .
Starting yesterday , Trump was seen peeling prawns , and leaving some in the curtain rails , some in the photo-copier , and some under the carpets . '
I have the best plans , the most beautiful plans , ' said Mr Trump 'Anyone else coming in here will be met with such a foul smell @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Kanye West , I am the world 's biggest genius , and what makes it so much better , is no-one will ever suspect that it was me . '
Donald Trump has told everyone his plans .
Also , whatever happens with the result of the election , Trump still has to live in the White House until January .
A professional white house cleaner said : 'We always expected that our very stable genius would do something like this , but we thought he would at least leave it until @ @ @ @ @ @

Having taken his ball away, and no longer wanting to play with the big boys, Donald Trump has said that he is planning to leave fish, frozen prawns, and anything he can think of in the White House.
Starting yesterday, Trump was seen peeling prawns, and leaving some in the curtain rails, some in the photo-copier, and some under the carpets.
'I have the best plans, the most beautiful plans,' said Mr Trump 'Anyone else coming in here will be met with such a foul smell. I am a genius, next to Kanye West, I am the world's biggest genius, and what makes it so much better, is no-one will ever suspect that it was me.'
Donald Trump has told everyone his plans. Also, whatever happens with the result of the election, Trump still has to live in the White House until January.
A professional white house cleaner said: 'We always expected that our very stable genius would do something like this, but we thought he would at least leave it until the middle of January.'


thespoof--2020-11-06--Donald, it's time for your nap

Donald, it's time for your nap

Rambunctious young scamp , serial fantasist and current President of the United States of America , Donald Trump has been @ @ @ @ @ it is time for his nap .
Security expert Bound Tightly said : 'Donald is @ @ @ @ @ needs his nap .
He runs around , shouts and screams at people , calls @ @ @ @ @ types of lies and rumours .
I mean , I know that it is an @ @ @ @ @ and the son of a multi-billionaire is used to getting his own way , but @ @ @ @ @ chillax . '
When asked later , Trump said : ' I ai n't having @ @ @ @ @ sucking his thumb , and asking staff for his security blanket .

Rambunctious young scamp, serial fantasist and current President of the United States of America, Donald Trump has been told by his minders that it is time for his nap.
Security expert Bound Tightly said: 'Donald is always like this when he needs his nap. He runs around, shouts and screams at people, calls press conferences, spouts all types of lies and rumours. I mean, I know that it is an exciting time for him, and the son of a multi-billionaire is used to getting his own way, but seriously, he needs to chillax.'
When asked later, Trump said: 'I ain't having no nap,' before sucking his thumb, and asking staff for his security blanket.


thespoof--2020-11-08--Trump's Election Defeat Was Inevitable, Claims Political Ignoramus

As the dust settled on yet another exciting instalment in US political history , a man who knows absolutely nothing whatsoever about the subject has said that Joe Biden 's victory and Donald Trump 's defeat in the presidential election were `` inevitable '' .
Other analysts repeatedly commented , during the counting stage , that the election was `` too close to call '' , and this would suggest that the result was anything but inevitable , but Moys Kenwood , 57 , disputes this .
`` I think if we look at the results , we will see @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Trump did n't .
It was , therefore , inevitable . ''
Asked to explain this skewered logic , he went on : '' It 's quite simple .
Mr. Biden is , as we speak , the President-elect of the United States of the USA .
If his victory been inevitable , and he won more votes last Tuesday , then he would n't have been declared the winner - which he has been .
You see ? ''
A team of logistical experts met to discuss this statement , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with hindsight , Kenwood had a point .
But , prior to last Tuesday , the result have been known , and was , therefore not inevitable .
`` Trump was never going to win , and subsequent events have left us in no doubt in that respect .
It was inevitable that Biden was going to beat him , and , if it had n't been inevitable , I would n't have been here now , telling you that it was ! ''
But he did make this concession : '' I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of intellect to fully comprehend a subject such as this , and not everyone is up to it . ''

As the dust settled on yet another exciting instalment in US political history, a man who knows absolutely nothing whatsoever about the subject has said that Joe Biden's victory and Donald Trump's defeat in the presidential election were "inevitable".
Other analysts repeatedly commented, during the counting stage, that the election was "too close to call", and this would suggest that the result was anything but inevitable, but Moys Kenwood, 57, disputes this.
He said:
"I think if we look at the results, we will see that Mr. Biden won, and that Mr. Trump didn't. It was, therefore, inevitable."
Asked to explain this skewered logic, he went on:
"It's quite simple. Mr. Biden is, as we speak, the President-elect of the United States of the USA. If his victory hadn't been inevitable, and he hadn't won more votes last Tuesday, then he wouldn't have been declared the winner - which he has been. You see?"
A team of logistical experts met to discuss this statement, and considered that, looking at the problem with hindsight, Kenwood had a point. But, prior to last Tuesday, the result could not have been known, and was, therefore not inevitable.
But Kenwood disagreed:
"Trump was never going to win, and subsequent events have left us in no doubt in that respect. It was inevitable that Biden was going to beat him, and, if it hadn't been inevitable, I wouldn't have been here now, telling you that it was!"
But he did make this concession:
"I agree that it takes a superior kind of intellect to fully comprehend a subject such as this, and not everyone is up to it."


thespoof--2020-11-08--“Not my president” lyrics and staging set-ups available at Amazon dot com and Walmart

With mainstream media calling the election for Mr. Biden , new marketing opportunities have immediately emerged .
A day ago that same MSM press was speaking of “ the incredible shrinking electoral count ” as various states reported shenanigans , with Biden 's share having retracted from 264 to 253 .
Now , however , MSM claims he 's over the top at 290 .
Trump is pursuing legal challenges .
Wild throngs of Democrats -- neglecting social distancing -- have been dancing in the streets .
But angry shouts of `` Not my president !
” -- reminiscent of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to Biden -- have also started up .
Michael Moore has said he expected this development , as he was one of the first to declare non-allegiance to Mr. Trump four years ago , plus threatened to leave the country .
Others followed suit , and assorted efforts , including Russia-gate , impeachment , the 25th amendment , were vigorously pursued in efforts to remove Trump from office .
Will Biden suffer the same fate ?
The country is deadlocked at half and half in supporting these candidates .
Not to miss an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with a new product line at Amazon , inspiring other companies to follow suit as quickly as possible .
That is , anyone with a “ not my president !
” feeling heaving in his/her breast can now take further steps to express this sentiment .
Lyrics are available plus strategies for block-parties and stage-sets ( proper social distancing required and not allowed on Thanksgiving ) also available .
*For those who are still not sure an official electoral count for 2020 favoring Biden is in the bag : Lump bump dump a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ merrily merrily merrily merrily flush him down the drain !
*Re : I 'm not in the mood for Biden simply because he 's hiding surely it 's now very evident he will be my president !
*For ( inspired by Janis Joplin ) : O Lord do n't you give me this presidential mess we 're supposed to have leaders who bring out the best Instead we have lackeys with decades of precedent well here 's what we 're saying he 's [ whoever wins ] my president !
*Bonus for : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her reputation went south Now all the horses ' asses in the congressional pen Will never give Nancy Speaker-of-the-House again !

With mainstream media calling the election for Mr. Biden, new marketing opportunities have immediately emerged.
A day ago that same MSM press was speaking of “the incredible shrinking electoral count” as various states reported shenanigans, with Biden's share having retracted from 264 to 253.
Now, however, MSM claims he's over the top at 290. Trump is pursuing legal challenges.
Wild throngs of Democrats--neglecting social distancing--have been dancing in the streets.
But angry shouts of "Not my president!”--reminiscent of four years ago, but now referring to Biden--have also started up.
Michael Moore has said he expected this development, as he was one of the first to declare non-allegiance to Mr. Trump four years ago, plus threatened to leave the country.
Others followed suit, and assorted efforts, including Russia-gate, impeachment, the 25th amendment, were vigorously pursued in efforts to remove Trump from office.
Will Biden suffer the same fate?
The country is deadlocked at half and half in supporting these candidates.
Not to miss an opportunity, Mr. Bezos has rushed forward with a new product line at Amazon, inspiring other companies to follow suit as quickly as possible.
That is, anyone with a “not my president!” feeling heaving in his/her breast can now take further steps to express this sentiment.
Lyrics are available plus strategies for block-parties and stage-sets (proper social distancing required and not allowed on Thanksgiving) also available.
Sample lyrics
*For those who are still not sure an official electoral count for 2020 favoring Biden is in the bag:
Lump bump dump a Trump
elections are just a dream!
merrily merrily merrily merrily
flush him down the drain!
*Re Biden :
I'm not in the mood for Biden
simply because he's hiding
surely it's now very evident
he will never be my president!
*For either/both (inspired by Janis Joplin):
O Lord don't you give me
this presidential mess
we're supposed to have leaders
who bring out the best
Instead we have lackeys
with decades of precedent
well here's what we're saying
he's [whoever wins] not my president!
*Bonus for Nancy Pelosi :
Nancy Pelosi opened her mouth
Directly following her reputation went south
Now all the horses' asses in the congressional pen
Will never give Nancy Speaker-of-the-House again!


thespoof--2020-11-08--Police Issue Arrest Warrant For Evil Man

Police in Washington , DC have announced that they are keen to interview an individual in connection with tax evasion , fraud , sexual assault , hate crimes , racist behavior , kidnapping and imprisoning children , and other offences likely to bring the good name of the United States and its citizens into disrepute .
All of the offences were committed over the last four years .
The suspect - a 74-year-old white male - is also wanted in connection with threatening the security and stability of the western world , and its relationship with other countries all over @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the deaths of 250,000 innocent US citizens .
An officer described the suspect as : '' Evil .
I mean , really !
A lying , cheating , inhumane , manipulative , womanizing , racist , sexist , homophobic , megalomaniacal piece of absolute fucking turd !
And listen , man , that 's putting it politely ! ''
The crimes that the suspect is wanted in connection with are certain to attract a lengthy custodial sentence if he is convicted .
The police have not yet released precise details of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ said they believe he will be easy to locate .
An undercover operation then swung into action with two officers armed with golf clubs , and dressed in Jack Nicklaus sweaters .

Police in Washington, DC have announced that they are keen to interview an individual in connection with tax evasion, fraud, sexual assault, hate crimes, racist behavior, kidnapping and imprisoning children, and other offences likely to bring the good name of the United States and its citizens into disrepute.
All of the offences were committed over the last four years.
The suspect - a 74-year-old white male - is also wanted in connection with threatening the security and stability of the western world, and its relationship with other countries all over the planet.
He is also implicated in the deaths of 250,000 innocent US citizens.
An officer described the suspect as:
"Evil. I mean, really! A lying, cheating, inhumane, manipulative, womanizing, racist, sexist, homophobic, megalomaniacal piece of absolute fucking turd! And listen, man, that's putting it politely!"
The crimes that the suspect is wanted in connection with are certain to attract a lengthy custodial sentence if he is convicted.
The police have not yet released precise details of the man's identity, but an officer said they believe he will be easy to locate.
An undercover operation then swung into action with two officers armed with golf clubs, and dressed in Jack Nicklaus sweaters.


thespoof--2020-11-08--The Brooklyn Bridger-Times is Reporting That The Trump Horror Movie is Finally Over, So Please Roll

The Brooklyn Bridger-Times is Reporting That The Trump Horror Movie is Finally Over, So Please Roll The Credits

BROOKLYN – ( Satire News ) – America has spoken and voted to oust the meanest leader in the history @ @ @ @ @ Hirohito , and Mussolini .
The Brooklyn Bridger-Times wrote that the X-rated Trump horror movie @ @ @ @ @ now the end credits can start rolling .
But amazingly enough , Donald the Delusional @ @ @ @ @ the votes of the illegal Cubans , Czechoslovakians , Icelanders , and Pisogovians had not @ @ @ @ @ , he would have easily won by close to 171 million votes and 693 Electoral @ @ @ @ @ ’ s Don Lemon so eloquently put it , please someone get the fellas in @ @ @ @ @ put Trump in a straitjacket , pass “ Go , ” and take him straight @ @ @

BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – America has spoken and voted to oust the meanest leader in the history of mankind including Hitler, Hirohito, and Mussolini.
The Brooklyn Bridger-Times wrote that the X-rated Trump horror movie is finally over, and now the end credits can start rolling.
But amazingly enough, Donald the Delusional is still saying that if the votes of the illegal Cubans, Czechoslovakians, Icelanders, and Pisogovians had not been allowed to be counted, he would have easily won by close to 171 million votes and 693 Electoral College votes.
As CNN’s Don Lemon so eloquently put it, please someone get the fellas in the white suits, and put Trump in a straitjacket, pass “Go,” and take him straight to Harlem.


thespoof--2020-11-08--Voter Fraud: “Project Quasimodo” Used To Bamboozle Voting Count

BILLINGSGATE POST : Detrick “ Dirty Trick ” Detwiler , an undercover agent hired by Trump attorney , Rudy Giuliani , to investigate voter fraud in Philadelphia , revealed that he had broken the code of an underground voter clearance site , nicknamed “ Project Quasimodo ” .
This site was similar to that set up to fleece magazine subscribers who are promised lifetime income in exchange for subscribing to hundreds of magazines .
Project Quasimodo was designed by Nancy Poozleosi .
By creating a data base of names taken from the tombstones of deceased Chinese Gandy Dancers who helped @ @ @ @ @ @ @ transcontinental railroad , she thought nobody would guess that over 10,000 voters with the surname Wang , would arouse suspicion .
It didn ’ t take long for Dirty Trick to break the code on this clandestine operation .
Using an algorithm he developed which can distinguish the differences between Irish and Chinese names , it became apparent to him that Wang appeared much more frequently than Murphy ; thus laying the groundwork for Rudy Giuliani ’ s appeal to the Supreme Court .
* As a footnote to history , those with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ once held the record for sustained popcorn farts that reached an unbelievable 32 seconds in duration .
Slim : “ I hope that this finally wraps up the election for Donald Trump.
” Dirty : “ Yo , Dude .
Let ’ s sweep away the cobwebs of deceit .
Sleepy Joe might have been a little premature in claiming victory .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, an undercover agent hired by Trump attorney, Rudy Giuliani, to investigate voter fraud in Philadelphia, revealed that he had broken the code of an underground voter clearance site, nicknamed “Project Quasimodo”.
This site was similar to that set up to fleece magazine subscribers who are promised lifetime income in exchange for subscribing to hundreds of magazines.
Project Quasimodo was designed by Nancy Poozleosi. By creating a data base of names taken from the tombstones of deceased Chinese Gandy Dancers who helped lay the rail for the Union Pacific transcontinental railroad, she thought nobody would guess that over 10,000 voters with the surname Wang, would arouse suspicion.
It didn’t take long for Dirty Trick to break the code on this clandestine operation. Using an algorithm he developed which can distinguish the differences between Irish and Chinese names, it became apparent to him that Wang appeared much more frequently than Murphy; thus laying the groundwork for Rudy Giuliani’s appeal to the Supreme Court.
* As a footnote to history, those with long memories might recall that Dirty Trick once held the record for sustained popcorn farts that reached an unbelievable 32 seconds in duration.
Slim: “I hope that this finally wraps up the election for Donald Trump.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Let’s sweep away the cobwebs of deceit. Sleepy Joe might have been a little premature in claiming victory.”


thespoof--2020-11-09--Joe Biden To Donald Trump: "You're Fired!"

If there was ever any doubt about what the post-election relationship between President-elect Joe Biden and the outgoing president , Donald Trump , was likely to be , the uncertainty was removed earlier today , when Mr. Biden looked straight down the TV camera lens and told his rival : Mr. Biden was , of course , referring to the way Mr. Trump had been dumped out of his office through the machinations of the electoral process , and the ungracious way he has , thus far , refused to concede defeat .
Rather than wait any longer for Mr. @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as is required by the democratic process , he told him , again : Senator Mitt Romney spoke about the way Mr. Trump has acted since his defeat , saying that , in these dark days of a growing number of authoritarian states , it was `` dangerous '' to talk of elections being 'rigged ' , 'staged ' , and 'stolen ' , and the voting system 'corrupt ' , as this would , no doubt , provide encouragement for regimes abroad to think that they might follow the American model .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ its very foundation since taking up his post in 2016 , but the end has finally come .
Mr. Biden told the nation that the nightmare was over , and it was time to `` get back to normal .
He had one last message for Mr. Trump :

If there was ever any doubt about what the post-election relationship between President-elect Joe Biden and the outgoing president, Donald Trump, was likely to be, the uncertainty was removed earlier today, when Mr. Biden looked straight down the TV camera lens and told his rival:
"You're fired!"
Mr. Biden was, of course, referring to the way Mr. Trump had been dumped out of his office through the machinations of the electoral process, and the ungracious way he has, thus far, refused to concede defeat.
Rather than wait any longer for Mr. Trump to do the right thing, as is required by the democratic process, he told him, again:
"You're fired!"
Senator Mitt Romney spoke about the way Mr. Trump has acted since his defeat, saying that, in these dark days of a growing number of authoritarian states, it was "dangerous" to talk of elections being 'rigged', 'staged', and 'stolen', and the voting system 'corrupt', as this would, no doubt, provide encouragement for regimes abroad to think that they might follow the American model.
Mr. Trump has shaken US politics to its very foundation since taking up his post in 2016, but the end has finally come. Mr. Biden told the nation that the nightmare was over, and it was time to "get back to normal. He had one last message for Mr. Trump:
"You're fired!"


thespoof--2020-11-10--Getting Trump Out Of The White House

Getting Trump Out Of The White House

A contest is being held listing ways to remove Donald Trump from the White House .
The election loss has not been accepted by the current resident , who insists ( with absolutely no proof ) that the election was stolen from him by Joe Biden .
Of course not .
Sleepy Joe just snored Donald Trump to a standstill , and Trump lost .
Joe Biden addressed a series of ambitious plans , including bringing the country together , not just the blue states , but the red states , which means all of Donald Trump ’ s good @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Biden can get started forming a Transition Team , he needs some money from the General Services Administration or the GSA to form his team .
A Trump appointee , Emily Murphy , head of the GSA , says her hands are tied until Trump concedes .
Sounds more Trumpian than American .
Listen here , Emily , more than 73 million tax-paying citizens ( each paying more tax dollars than Donald Trump ) have already elected Joe Biden .
Get a grip .
Do your job .
Apparently , Emily doesn ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that projected and named Joe Biden , the 46th President of the United States , or that Canada , Germany , England , France , Pakistan , India , Italy , Australia , Ireland , and Israel have already sent their congratulations .
So Emily ’ s hands are tied , and Trump is barricaded in the White House , and won ’ t concede .
As Biden ’ s director of rapid response said , “ The United States government is perfectly capable of escorting trespassers out of the White House .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

A contest is being held listing ways to remove Donald Trump from the White House. The election loss has not been accepted by the current resident, who insists (with absolutely no proof) that the election was stolen from him by Joe Biden.
Sleepy Joe managed to outsmart dynamic, macho man Donald Trump?
Of course not. Sleepy Joe just snored Donald Trump to a standstill, and Trump lost. Joe Biden addressed a series of ambitious plans, including bringing the country together, not just the blue states, but the red states, which means all of Donald Trump’s good Nazis, as well.
Editor’s note: Oh, Christ.
But before Biden can get started forming a Transition Team, he needs some money from the General Services Administration or the GSA to form his team. A Trump appointee, Emily Murphy, head of the GSA, says her hands are tied until Trump concedes. Sounds more Trumpian than American.
Listen here, Emily, more than 73 million tax-paying citizens (each paying more tax dollars than Donald Trump) have already elected Joe Biden. Get a grip. Do your job.
Apparently, Emily doesn’t view any of the news channels that projected and named Joe Biden, the 46th President of the United States, or that Canada, Germany, England, France, Pakistan, India, Italy, Australia, Ireland, and Israel have already sent their congratulations.
So Emily’s hands are tied, and Trump is barricaded in the White House, and won’t concede.
As Biden’s director of rapid response said, “The United States government is perfectly capable of escorting trespassers out of the White House.
Ouch!
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-11-10--John Travolta "DID NOT Have Contract Out On Son"

A judge has ruled that Pulp Fiction star John Travolta did not have a contract-style execution carried out on his son who died after a seizure in the Bahamas in 2009 .
Prosecutor Neil Braithwaite said that , although the truth may never be known about what actually happened to Jett Travolta , 16 , he was `` fairly sure '' that the Hollywood actor played no part in his son 's death .
Tarino Lightbourne , a paramedic , and his attorney Pleasant Bridgewater , stood accused of trying to extort $ 25m ( £16m ) from the actor @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
They were believed to be in possession of information that suggested Mr Travolta had taken his role in Pulp Fiction rather too literally , and had done away with his son in the same off-handed manner that Vincent Vega had in the movie .
On Monday , however , Braithwaite said that this was not the case .
Neither was Samuel L. Jackson anywhere near the Grand Bahama property on the day concerned .
He added that the Travoltas wished `` to put this whole thing behind them '' , and for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ swept under an imaginary rug . ''
Asked if he was pleased with the outcome , Travolta said `` I ai n't saying it 's right .
But you 're saying a foot massage do n't mean nothing , and I 'm saying it does .
Now look , I 've given a million ladies a million foot massages , and they all meant something .
We act like they do n't , but they do , and that 's what 's so fucking cool about them .
There 's a sensuous thing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about it , but you know it , she knows it , fucking Marsellus knew it , and Antwone should have fucking known better .
I mean , that 's his fucking wife , man .
He ca n't be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit .
You know what I 'm saying ? ''

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A judge has ruled that Pulp Fiction star John Travolta did not have a contract-style execution carried out on his son who died after a seizure in the Bahamas in 2009.
Prosecutor Neil Braithwaite said that, although the truth may never be known about what actually happened to Jett Travolta, 16, he was "fairly sure" that the Hollywood actor played no part in his son's death.
Tarino Lightbourne, a paramedic, and his attorney Pleasant Bridgewater, stood accused of trying to extort $25m (£16m) from the actor following his son's death last year. They were believed to be in possession of information that suggested Mr Travolta had taken his role in Pulp Fiction rather too literally, and had done away with his son in the same off-handed manner that Vincent Vega had in the movie.
On Monday, however, Braithwaite said that this was not the case. Neither was Samuel L. Jackson anywhere near the Grand Bahama property on the day concerned. He added that the Travoltas wished "to put this whole thing behind them", and for "this whole sorry matter to be swept under an imaginary rug."
Asked if he was pleased with the outcome, Travolta said "I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwone should have fucking known better. I mean, that's his fucking wife, man. He can't be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I'm saying?"


thespoof--2020-11-10--Biden wants White House by Thanksgiving “to get on with it pronto”

Despite at least half a dozen states in dispute as to a reliable vote count , plus the onset of legal challenges , Mr. Biden is eager to move on .
He has already been talking with foreign leaders ( violation of the Logan Act ) , which put Trump and his advisor Flynn in hot water in 2016 .
He is also eager to get after a Health Official who will back mask and vaccine legislation to `` save the country . ''
Historically , a close election might take some time to resolve .
The 2000 contest between @ @ @ @ @ @ @ beyond November 3 of that year .
Issues remain , including that not all ballots have been counted , and some of these may need to changed from one candidate to the other .
If some of these are switched , Biden may see his electoral count tumble once again .
AG Barr and Senate Leader McConnell have indicated the election is not yet over .
Nevertheless , MSM such as The Washington Post continue to report on the election , which took place only a week ago , in biased tones .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a “ clear-cut ” outcome , according to The Post , whereas not only Barr and McConnell , but ten Republican Attorney Generals have called for investigation of irregularities .
Mr. Biden , however , believes there is not the shadow of a doubt that he won , and that Americans should get on with supporting his view .
Meanwhile , recent polling indicates 50 % of Americans do not believe in the supposed results of the election , and 30 % think Trump won .
Moving on from this point is uppermost @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to how continuing the glory of the moment will take attention away from a certain laptop .
All this fever to get going includes getting himself into The White House by Thanksgiving .
“ Of course , the place will need a thorough scrubbing , ” Mr. Biden is reported to have said .
“ But what with the new non-scalable fencing , we will feel quite safe there.
” Some have said `` the Trump odor '' ( Iet alone lingering bacteria from the covid ) will take some time to dispel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Besides , it has an extensive basement area where I spent many happy days with the Obama administration.
” “ I even put my initials alongside those of Thomas Jefferson in one kind of damp area down there , although some say that was his cat scratching on the wall .
But , hell , who knows ? ''

Despite at least half a dozen states in dispute as to a reliable vote count, plus the onset of legal challenges, Mr. Biden is eager to move on.
He has already been talking with foreign leaders (violation of the Logan Act), which put Trump and his advisor Flynn in hot water in 2016.
He is also eager to get after a Health Official who will back mask and vaccine legislation to "save the country."
Historically, a close election might take some time to resolve. The 2000 contest between Bush Jr. and Gore took 37 days beyond November 3 of that year.
Issues remain, including that not all ballots have been counted, and some of these may need to be changed from one candidate to the other.
If some of these are switched, Biden may see his electoral count tumble once again.
AG Barr and Senate Leader McConnell have indicated the election is not yet over.
Nevertheless, MSM such as The Washington Post continue to report on the election, which took place only a week ago, in biased tones.
Mr. Trump is “balking” at a “clear-cut” outcome, according to The Post, whereas not only Barr and McConnell, but ten Republican Attorney Generals have called for investigation of irregularities.
Mr. Biden, however, believes there is not the shadow of a doubt that he won, and that Americans should get on with supporting his view.
Meanwhile, recent polling indicates 50% of Americans do not believe in the supposed results of the election, and 30% think Trump won.
Moving on from this point is uppermost in Mr. Biden's mind, additional to how continuing the glory of the moment will take attention away from a certain laptop.
All this fever to get going includes getting himself into the White House by Thanksgiving.
“Of course, the place will need a thorough scrubbing,” Mr. Biden is reported to have said. “But what with the new non-scalable fencing, we will feel quite safe there.”
Some have said "the Trump odor" (Iet alone lingering bacteria from the covid) will take some time to dispel from the drapes and furniture.
“Besides, it has an extensive basement area where I spent many happy days with the Obama administration.”
“I even put my initials alongside those of Thomas Jefferson in one kind of damp area down there, although some say that was his cat scratching on the wall. But, hell, who knows?"


thespoof--2020-11-10--New virus measures underway re protections from going loony

Led by the US , global administrators are reaching new heights of vaccine development .
Nevertheless , public skepticism has been growing as the pandemic continues , although establishment politicians and media consider this resistance “ entirely unreasonable.
” Meanwhile , progress is being made in colder climates to battle against freezing temperatures where outdoor dining is required .
Outdoor heat lamps are being installed on restaurant patios .
Descending hail and other foul weather melts on these before drifting to a customer 's table .
Customers may also bring snow shovels to maintain table integrity .
Further , diners @ @ @ @ @ @ @ heaters as their teeth chatter and lips tremble while waiting for delivery of their food .
These measures will perhaps ensure against flu or pneumonia ( i.e .
the lesser evil ) while dining outdoors under social distancing rules .
However , an alarming new development has just been announced .
Not only does the virus attack the body—it messes up the mind .
Assorted mental illnesses are now being ascribed to the disease , which is said to have killed over 250,000 in the US of a population of 350 million over @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is less than one percent of the population at risk , with lingering questions on how many of these deaths were specifically derived from Covid-19 .
Other lingering questions turn to the drastic nature of the solution , versus assessments of the actual danger of the disease .
Nevertheless , experts clarify that it is NOT the official of masking , distancing , lockdown ( plus unemployment etc . )
that are causing mental illness .
The covid sneaks into the neural ganglia , particularly in the fore-brain , which is the human @ @ @ @ @ @ @ decisions .
The onslaught of mental despairs ranging from depression to suicide is entirely due to the unusual powers of this particular virus .
However , a new type of vaccine is being developed in light of this new problem .
Just as a vaccine is meant to encourage the body 's ability to resist ( eventually ) , the virus 's onslaught ( given survival and not dying from the injection , that is ) , the same applies to a person 's mind .
Via computer chip technology , the new @ @ @ @ @ @ @ n't worry be happy ” messaging along with obedience incentives .
A melody will start up directly after the needle is plunged into the arm .
“ O say can you see by the dawn 's early light ” “ I 'm in the mood for love ” ( “ nude ” may be substituted for “ mood ” following age ID check )

Led by the US, global administrators are reaching new heights of vaccine development.
Nevertheless, public skepticism has been growing as the pandemic continues, although establishment politicians and media consider this resistance “entirely unreasonable.”
Meanwhile, progress is being made in colder climates to battle against freezing temperatures where outdoor dining is required.
Outdoor heat lamps are being installed on restaurant patios.
Descending hail and other foul weather melts on these before drifting to a customer's table.
Customers may also bring snow shovels to maintain table integrity.
Further, diners can use fur-lined masks and battery-driven body heaters as their teeth chatter and lips tremble while waiting for delivery of their food.
These measures will perhaps ensure against flu or pneumonia (i.e. the lesser evil) while dining outdoors under social distancing rules.
However, an alarming new development has just been announced. Not only does the virus attack the body—it messes up the mind.
Assorted mental illnesses are now being ascribed to the disease, which is said to have killed over 250,000 in the US, of a population of 350 million over the past nine months.
That figure is less than one percent of the population at risk, with lingering questions on how many of these deaths were specifically derived from Covid-19.
Other lingering questions turn to the drastic nature of the solution, versus assessments of the actual danger of the disease.
Nevertheless, experts clarify that it is NOT the official policies of masking, distancing, lockdown (plus unemployment etc.) that are causing mental illness.
The covid sneaks into the neural ganglia, particularly in the fore-brain, which is the human's annex for reasoning and making critical decisions.
The onslaught of mental despairs ranging from depression to suicide is entirely due to the unusual powers of this particular virus.
However, a new type of vaccine is being developed in light of this new problem.
Just as a vaccine is meant to encourage the body's ability to resist (eventually), the virus's onslaught (given survival and not dying from the injection, that is), the same applies to a person's mind.
Via computer chip technology, the new vaccines will include doses of “don't worry, be happy” messaging along with obedience incentives.
A melody will start up directly after the needle is plunged into the arm.
Alternative melody options:
“My country 'tis of thee”
“Yes, sir, that's my baby!”
“O say can you see by the dawn's early light”
“I'm in the mood for love” (“nude” may be substituted for “mood” following age ID check)


thespoof--2020-11-10--Biden wants a toy train set

Biden wants a toy train set

President-elect of the United States of America , Joe Biden , has requested a large toy train set be assembled @ @ @ @ @ keep him amused each day he is the POTUS .
Biden had one set up @ @ @ @ @ Office when he was Obama 's understudy for eight years .
The newly-elected President has @ @ @ @ @ a `` horsey '' to ride around the White House grounds on , just so @ @ @ @ @ self .
Biden will have a lot of work to do in the next four @ @ @ @ @ he does n't get too carried away with his childish whimsy .

President-elect of the United States of America, Joe Biden, has requested a large toy train set be assembled in the Oval Office to keep him amused each day he is the POTUS. Biden had one set up in the Vice President's Office when he was Obama's understudy for eight years.
The newly-elected President has also indicated that he wants a "horsey" to ride around the White House grounds on, just so he can indulge his seven-year-old self.
Biden will have a lot of work to do in the next four years. Let's hope he doesn't get too carried away with his childish whimsy.


thespoof--2020-11-10--An Extremely Delusional Trump Says He Plans To Continue With His Campaign Hate Rallies

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A White House insider told GOPicky Magazine that he has never @ @ @ @ @ than he is now looking .
The staffer revealed that POTUS is spending most of @ @ @ @ @ House bunker , surrounded by dozens of Styrofoam containers of McDonalds Big Macs , and @ @ @ @ @ Coke .
Trump is not even allowing his wife , Melania , nor his girlfriend @ @ @ @ @ enter his own personal world of bitterness .
Hope says that she has been getting @ @ @ @ @ her former boyfriend , Corey Lewandowsky , asking her to dump Trump the chump , @ @ @ @ @ since Donald is nothing but a pathetic , lying loser .
Hicks did divulge that @ @ @ @ @ defeat , and he has vowed to keep on holding his mask-less , Trumpapalooza virus-spreading @ @ @ @ @ White House insider noted that Ivanka is so depressed , her breasts have both broken @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A White House insider told GOPicky Magazine that he has never seen the President looking sadder than he is now looking.
The staffer revealed that POTUS is spending most of his time in the White House bunker, surrounded by dozens of Styrofoam containers of McDonalds Big Macs, and a huge keg of Diet Coke.
Trump is not even allowing his wife, Melania, nor his girlfriend, Hope Hicks, to enter his own personal world of bitterness.
Hope says that she has been getting calls and text messages from her former boyfriend, Corey Lewandowsky, asking her to dump Trump the chump, and return to him, since Donald is nothing but a pathetic, lying loser.
Hicks did divulge that the President is not accepting defeat, and he has vowed to keep on holding his mask-less, Trumpapalooza virus-spreading campaign hate rallies.
Another White House insider noted that Ivanka is so depressed, her breasts have both broken out in hives.


thespoof--2020-11-10--Jared Kushner, Ivanka’s Husband, Is Terrified That His Bitter Father-in-Law Will Launch Missiles Tow

Jared Kushner, Ivanka’s Husband, Is Terrified That His Bitter Father-in-Law Will Launch Missiles Toward China

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A very respected staffer inside the White House informed Boom Boom @ @ @ @ @ highly despondent , embarrassed , and bitter .
He noted that Trump ’ s son-in-law @ @ @ @ @ extremely concerned that , in his mood of melancholia , his daddy-in-law may just launch @ @ @ @ @ .
In fact , Kushner has talked to his wife , Ivanka , and her @ @ @ @ @ Sneezy , and she says they should take the missile launching remote and hide it @ @ @ @ @ should pawn it off , and make some money , and Donald Jr. , said @ @ @ @ @ the Smithsonian Museum .
Meanwhile , Jared feels that they should just take the batteries @ @ @ @ @ President launches a missile strike , he 'll never know the difference .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A very respected staffer inside the White House informed Boom Boom News that the President is highly despondent, embarrassed, and bitter.
He noted that Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, is extremely concerned that, in his mood of melancholia, his daddy-in-law may just launch a missile strike against China.
In fact, Kushner has talked to his wife, Ivanka, and her two brothers,
Dopey and Sneezy, and she says they should take the missile launching remote and hide it.
Eric commented that they should pawn it off, and make some money, and Donald Jr., said they should donate it to the Smithsonian Museum.
Meanwhile, Jared feels that they should just take the batteries out, and if the President launches a missile strike, he'll never know the difference.


thespoof--2020-11-11--Trump Nosed Out By “Hair Sniffing Prevert”

BILLINGSGATE POST : What a way to lose an election - being nosed out by a hair-sniffing prevert .
White @ @ @ @ @ to remain anonymous , claim that the President is having a difficult time adjusting to @ @ @ @ @ to a man who , he claims , is unfit to be president , due @ @ @ @ @ his proboscis into the hairdos of unsuspecting females .
“ Even in my worst dreams @ @ @ @ @ believe the American public would overlook a clean-cut guy like myself , and vote for @ @ @ @ @ : “ Yo , Dude .
Where is Estes Kefauver when we need him ?
@

BILLINGSGATE POST: What a way to lose an election - being nosed out by a hair-sniffing prevert.
White House insiders, who wish to remain anonymous, claim that the President is having a difficult time adjusting to losing his White House digs to a man who, he claims, is unfit to be president, due to his penchant for sticking his proboscis into the hairdos of unsuspecting females.
“Even in my worst dreams, I can’t believe the American public would overlook a clean-cut guy like myself, and vote for a hair-sniffing prevert.”
Slim: “It’s f*cking Un-American!”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Where is Estes Kefauver when we need him?”


thespoof--2020-11-11--Trump claims Biden is half-Ugandan

Trump claims Biden is half-Ugandan

In an astonishing statement from the White House , Donald Trump has claimed Joe Biden is ineligible to become President because he is half-Ugandan .
`` I have reliable information , 100 % true , that he was not born in Scranton Pennsylvania , but in Kampala , '' he said , beaming his most orange grin .
Biden 's staff pointed out that Joe had never actually been to Uganda , and that his physicality did not immediately suggest African origin .
But Trump was steadfast .
`` If I say he 's from Uganda , he is from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from Brooklyn slipped me his birth certificate yesterday . ''
Well , you ca n't argue with that .
Meanwhile , the Trump Administration team has been undergoing extensive voluntary tests following claims from Trump staff that Biden 's wife , Jill , once pulled a knife on Michelle Obama .
No evidence of such was provided .
`` Not necessary , '' mumbled Trump , `` the story 's bad enough . ''
A random sample of the Trump team at the White House revealed an IQ of just over 9 , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ average Trump voter , while half of his Administration staff , including the President himself , are about to have a heart operation , i.e .
they 're having one put in .
`` We 've won , '' whispered the Donald , `` even if we got less votes .
Biden 's votes were fake votes , we won by alternative votes , all cast by Republicans , so , in fact , they count double !
Why does no-one believe me ? ''
Yeah ... why indeed ... ?

In an astonishing statement from the White House, Donald Trump has claimed Joe Biden is ineligible to become President because he is half-Ugandan. "I have reliable information, 100 % true, that he was not born in Scranton Pennsylvania, but in Kampala," he said, beaming his most orange grin.
Biden's staff pointed out that Joe had never actually been to Uganda, and that his physicality did not immediately suggest African origin.
But Trump was steadfast. "If I say he's from Uganda, he is from Uganda. Fuzzy Campeno and Carlo Zamponinni from Brooklyn slipped me his birth certificate yesterday." Well, you can't argue with that.
Meanwhile, the Trump Administration team has been undergoing extensive voluntary tests following claims from Trump staff that Biden's wife, Jill, once pulled a knife on Michelle Obama. No evidence of such was provided. "Not necessary," mumbled Trump, "the story's bad enough."
A random sample of the Trump team at the White House revealed an IQ of just over 9, a full two points higher than the average Trump voter, while half of his Administration staff, including the President himself, are about to have a heart operation, i.e. they're having one put in.
"We've won," whispered the Donald, "even if we got less votes. Biden's votes were fake votes, we won by alternative votes, all cast by Republicans, so, in fact, they count double! Why does no-one believe me?" Yeah...why indeed...?


thespoof--2020-11-11--Disease Control Experts Have Just Named The White House as The Most Dangerous Place on Earth

PAWTUCKET , Rhode Island – ( Satire News ) – Scientists at Pawtucket ’ s Paul Revere University have just learned that the most dangerous place on Earth is the White House .
The collegiate group noted that , just in the past three months , a total of 129 White House staff members , including President Trump , his wife , Melania , his son , Barron , and the President ’ s girlfriend , Hope Hicks , have all come down with the Trumpapalooza virus , as Chinese leader , Xi Jinping calls it .
Of course , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a hoax , a witch hunt , and a smoke-and-mirrors ploy .
Even one of Trump ’ s biggest allies , “ Moscow Mitch ” McConnell , has stated that he wouldn ’ t go anywhere near the White House for all the apples in Washington state , all the potatoes in Idaho , or all the condoms in Las Vegas .
One of the White House cooks revealed , somewhat tongue-in-cheek , that the biggest infestation of Coronapalooza germs is on Trump ’ s hair , but nobody dares to mention that @ @

PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – Scientists at Pawtucket’s Paul Revere University have just learned that the most dangerous place on Earth is the White House.
The collegiate group noted that, just in the past three months, a total of 129 White House staff members, including President Trump, his wife, Melania, his son, Barron, and the President’s girlfriend, Hope Hicks, have all come down with the Trumpapalooza virus, as Chinese leader,Xi Jinping calls it.
Of course, Trump says that it’s just a hoax, a witch hunt, and a smoke-and-mirrors ploy.
Even one of Trump’s biggest allies, “Moscow Mitch” McConnell, has stated that he wouldn’t go anywhere near the White House for all the apples in Washington state, all the potatoes in Idaho, or all the condoms in Las Vegas.
One of the White House cooks revealed, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that the biggest infestation of Coronapalooza germs is on Trump’s hair, but nobody dares to mention that fact.