thespoof--2020-10-22--Amy Coney Barrett Adopts Another Child Who in 50 Years Will Be Dealing With Her Climate Denial

Washington - Judge Amy Coney Barrett has adopted another child , increasing the size of her brood to eight , @ @ @ @ @ Also , she called climate change , accepted by almost all scientists who study weather @ @ @ @ @ controversial ” .
In the next 50-80 years , scientists expect human-caused climate change to @ @ @ @ @ planet , including coastal zones and warmer countries , to become unlivable , crops to @ @ @ @ @ a disastrous destruction of the atmosphere that supports all life .
Ms. Barrett will be @ @ @ @ @ Donald Trump .
Her kids can try and fix the mess she labeled controversial then @

Washington - Judge Amy Coney Barrett has adopted another child, increasing the size of her brood to eight, impressing her GOP followers.
Also, she called climate change, accepted by almost all scientists who study weather patterns as fact, “controversial”.
In the next 50-80 years, scientists expect human-caused climate change to cause many areas of the planet, including coastal zones and warmer countries, to become unlivable, crops to fail and mankind to face a disastrous destruction of the atmosphere that supports all life.
Ms. Barrett will be long gone, as will Donald Trump. Her kids can try and fix the mess she labeled controversial then.


thespoof--2020-10-22--Biden starts debate without teeth, hopes they still on bedside table

Moments into Thursday 's final US Presidential Debate , Democratic challenger Joe Biden realized he 'd left his dentures on @ @ @ @ @ .
The former Vice President could be seen running his tongue along his gums and @ @ @ @ @ maybe they 're in the bathroom . ''
American Presidential historian and 1995 Pulitzer Prize @ @ @ @ @ who was in the audience and immediately recognized the mishap , waved to Biden and @ @ @ @ @ of wooden teeth she was holding up , hoping he 'd insert a set at @ @ @ @ @ However , Biden apparently did not see her as he 'd also left his glasses @ @ @ @

Moments into Thursday's final US Presidential Debate, Democratic challenger Joe Biden realized he'd left his dentures on his hotel room bedside table.
The former Vice President could be seen running his tongue along his gums and then mumbling: "But maybe they're in the bathroom."
American Presidential historian and 1995 Pulitzer Prize winner Doris Kearns Goodwin, who was in the audience and immediately recognized the mishap, waved to Biden and pointed to a plastic bag of wooden teeth she was holding up, hoping he'd insert a set at the next commercial break. However, Biden apparently did not see her as he'd also left his glasses in the car.


thespoof--2020-10-23--Trump and his "Johnson": the truth

Trump and his "Johnson": the truth

The President of the United States of America , Donald J Trump , has addressed the issue of his supposed @ @ @ @ @ to dispel any myths circulating that he could n't get off on his own beauty @ @ @ @ @ even a f ... ing horse randy as hell , '' he said .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ abilities , and asked a willing participant , a Mrs Ruth Gunrunner , to place @ @ @ @ @ spot on his body .
After several times , she jackpotted , and an eruption @ @ @ @ @ witnessed .
Trump was later heard to cry `` I 'm the f..k of the @ @ @ @ @ Critics have refused to take on board the President 's glowing self-endorsements .
Some , @ @ @ @ @ Trump resign now , so the nation can complete the emasculation of his nether regions @

The President of the United States of America, Donald J Trump, has addressed the issue of his supposed physical impotency. He wanted to dispel any myths circulating that he couldn't get off on his own beauty.
"I can make even a f...ing horse randy as hell," he said. Trump was keen to demonstrate his abilities, and asked a willing participant, a Mrs Ruth Gunrunner, to place her mouth in a certain spot on his body. After several times, she jackpotted, and an eruption greater than Mt Vesuvious was witnessed.
Trump was later heard to cry "I'm the f..k of the century, man!"
Critics have refused to take on board the President's glowing self-endorsements. Some, however, have suggested Mr Trump resign now, so the nation can complete the emasculation of his nether regions.


thespoof--2020-10-23--President Trump's Twitter Account Has Been Hacked by A Guatemalan Drug Cartel

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – The Vox Populi News Agency has discovered that President Trump ’ s personal Twitter account has been hacked by the infamous Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel .
The cartel , which is the biggest drug cartel in Central America , is led by Gomer Ixtantan , who is a self-taught billionaire attorney .
He also owns the Guatemala City Banananistas professional soccer team .
The VPNA revealed that the account was hacked by one of the greatest , most prolific hackers in the entire world .
The man , who goes by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” ( Eagle Eye ) , said that it only took him 55 seconds to get into Trump ’ s account .
“ El Ojo ” divulged that he found that Trump owes money to 17 countries ; including Russia , China , Iran , and Macadamia .
He also leraned that Trump is not worth $ 7 billion as he claims , but he is actually just worth $ 717,914 and some change .
Trump has also made hush money payments to at least 302 women going back to September of 1993 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of all is that son Eric is actually adopted .
Eric ’ s biological father was actually a black semi-pro baseball player from Zimbabwe .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The Vox Populi News Agency has discovered that President Trump’s personal Twitter account has been hacked by the infamous Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel.
The cartel, which is the biggest drug cartel in Central America, is led by Gomer Ixtantan, who is a self-taught billionaire attorney.
He also owns the Guatemala City Banananistas professional soccer team.
The VPNA revealed that the account was hacked by one of the greatest, most prolific hackers in the entire world.
The man, who goes by the name “El Ojo de Aguila” (Eagle Eye), said that it only took him 55 seconds to get into Trump’s account.
“El Ojo” divulged that he found that Trump owes money to 17 countries; including Russia, China, Iran, and Macadamia.
He also leraned that Trump is not worth $7 billion as he claims, but he is actually just worth $717,914 and some change.
Trump has also made hush money payments to at least 302 women going back to September of 1993.
But perhaps the most interesting info of all is that son Eric is actually adopted.
Eric’s biological father was actually a black semi-pro baseball player from Zimbabwe.


thespoof--2020-10-23--FBI: Spoof Writers Living It Up In Cuba

FBI: Spoof Writers Living It Up In Cuba

Washington , D. C. A SINning Woof Blister reporting for Spoof International News .
Rodger Codger , President Trump 's assistant acting interim recess appointee currently heading the international terrorist division of the FBI , revealed today that at least three columnists writing for The Spoof are actually filing their daily Spoof fake news via email from Havana .
Codger the dodger refused to identify the culprits when asked to do so , but noted that at least one of them was 90 years old and regularly dissed the President .
The others , he said , pretended to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ actually living it up in a government-financed resort for what he called the `` traitor writers '' .
Codger said that over 90 percent of their fake news consisted of attacks on the President , his family or members of his administration .
`` Why are n't they attacking Biden ? ''
he asked .
`` Obviously they want this president defeated . ''
The reporters present responded that the purpose of The Spoof is humor , and it 's easier to make fun of Trump than Sleepy Joe .
`` The Spoof @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
So why would Spoof writers want to see Trump lose ? ''
The assistant acting interim recess appointee said criminal proceedings would begin immediately , but he did n't think Cuba would extradite the writers .
`` We may have to send in the Navy Seals to get them back here to face justice . ''

Washington, D. C. A SINning Woof Blister reporting for Spoof International News. Rodger Codger, President Trump's assistant acting interim recess appointee currently heading the international terrorist division of the FBI, revealed today that at least three columnists writing for The Spoof are actually filing their daily Spoof fake news via email from Havana.
Codger the dodger refused to identify the culprits when asked to do so, but noted that at least one of them was 90 years old and regularly dissed the President. The others, he said, pretended to be living in Nashville or Thailand, while actually living it up in a government-financed resort for what he called the "traitor writers".
Codger said that over 90 percent of their fake news consisted of attacks on the President, his family or members of his administration. "Why aren't they attacking Biden?" he asked. "Obviously they want this president defeated." The reporters present responded that the purpose of The Spoof is humor, and it's easier to make fun of Trump than Sleepy Joe. "The Spoof will be pretty dull if Biden wins. So why would Spoof writers want to see Trump lose?"
The assistant acting interim recess appointee said criminal proceedings would begin immediately, but he didn't think Cuba would extradite the writers. "We may have to send in the Navy Seals to get them back here to face justice."


thespoof--2020-10-22--Trump asserts election interference by Russia, Iran, Mars

US President Donald Trump affirmed today he had clear evidence Russia , Iran and Mars were interfering with the 2020 @ @ @ @ @ at a campaign stop in South Bend , Indiana , the GOP leader said the @ @ @ @ @ proof that `` agents acting on behalf of the governments of Russia , Iran and @ @ @ @ @ our great country 's election , and steal it from the American people . ''
@ @ @ @ @ have been giving money , HUGE money , to the Biden campaign , which is @ @ @ @ @ Democrats let themselves be controlled by a bunch of nut-job socialists from Russia , Iran @ @ @ @ @ you .
Remember that if they win .
Watch out , America . ''
When @ @ @ @ @ correspondent Gloria Borger what evidence the President had that Martians were funding his rivals , @ @ @ @ @ that she herself was n't a Martian socialist .

US President Donald Trump affirmed today he had clear evidence Russia, Iran and Mars were interfering with the 2020 election.
Speaking this morning at a campaign stop in South Bend, Indiana, the GOP leader said the FBI had presented him with proof that "agents acting on behalf of the governments of Russia, Iran and Mars are trying to influence our great country's election, and steal it from the American people." He clarified: "They have been giving money, HUGE money, to the Biden campaign, which is illegal. The way these Democrats let themselves be controlled by a bunch of nut-job socialists from Russia, Iran and Mars, I tell you. Remember that if they win. Watch out, America."
When asked afterwards by CNN senior correspondent Gloria Borger what evidence the President had that Martians were funding his rivals, Trump challenged her to prove that she herself wasn't a Martian socialist.


thespoof--2020-10-23--Americans relieved as Trump, Biden tactfully debate who saw babe first

While mudslinging spoiled the first debate and scheduling issues curtailed the second , voters appeared comforted when Republican President Donald @ @ @ @ @ Biden engaged in a respectful deliberation about who would invite the cute brunette , `` @ @ @ @ @ the left with nice legs and a white top '' , backstage .
Audience member @ @ @ @ @ voter , said she was `` reassured '' the leadership contestants `` managed to stop @ @ @ @ @ by the age-old tradition where rich , powerful and famous men walk up and ask @ @ @ @ @ meet them in a private room . ''
As the audience began to exit , @ @ @ @ @ seen walking hurriedly toward the first row in apparent disagreement .

While mudslinging spoiled the first debate and scheduling issues curtailed the second, voters appeared comforted when Republican President Donald Trump and Democratic hopeful Joe Biden engaged in a respectful deliberation about who would invite the cute brunette, "the one over there on the left with nice legs and a white top", backstage.
Audience member Rona Walker, an undecided voter, said she was "reassured" the leadership contestants "managed to stop the gamesmanship, and abide by the age-old tradition where rich, powerful and famous men walk up and ask any female audience member to meet them in a private room."
As the audience began to exit, Trump and Biden were both seen walking hurriedly toward the first row in apparent disagreement.


thespoof--2020-10-23--Man Afraid That A Joe Biden Victory Will Lead To Him Having To Clean Up His Yard

A grumpy Minnesota man is concerned that a November 3 Joe Biden election victory will lead him to having to clean up his immensely cluttered lawn .
Donald Crabby has been dumping his household trash all over his yard ever since Donald Trump won the 2016 presidential election .
He started this procedure because of Donald Trump ’ s anti-environment policies .
This was due to Trump ’ s first executive order “ Garbage Out , Always Garbage Out ” .
The order allowed homeowners to be able to declare their yards as landfills .
A resourceful Mr. Crabby took @ @ @ @ @ @ @ started dumping all of his trash in his yard .
After 4 years , he has managed to accumulate over 2 tons of garbage .
The garbage has grown to over 100 feet tall , and is impenetrable .
The sanitation engineers who pick up his garbage have lauded the move , seeing as they never have to service his house anymore .
“ If Joe Biden wins , ” stated Crabby , “ I ’ m screwed .
There is no way I ’ m going to be able to get rid @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , it is 100 feet high .
Hell , I can barely get out of my driveway to go to work every morning .
I have the Home Owners Association on their heels having a conniption about the whole situation .
I should complain to them about my neighbors dumping their garbage in my yard , but I won ’ t .
The sanitation engineers that service our neighborhood have stopped servicing the area , due to the fact that there is nothing in all the peoples ’ garbage cans.
” As of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wife had started a lucrative recycling business .

A grumpy Minnesota man is concerned that a November 3 Joe Biden election victory will lead him to having to clean up his immensely cluttered lawn.
Donald Crabby has been dumping his household trash all over his yard ever since Donald Trump won the 2016 presidential election. He started this procedure because of Donald Trump’s anti-environment policies. This was due to Trump’s first executive order “Garbage Out, Always Garbage Out”. The order allowed homeowners to be able to declare their yards as landfills.
A resourceful Mr. Crabby took advantage of this act, and immediately started dumping all of his trash in his yard. After 4 years, he has managed to accumulate over 2 tons of garbage. The garbage has grown to over 100 feet tall, and is impenetrable. The sanitation engineers who pick up his garbage have lauded the move, seeing as they never have to service his house anymore.
“If Joe Biden wins,” stated Crabby, “I’m screwed. There is no way I’m going to be able to get rid of the garbage. At this point, it is 100 feet high. Hell, I can barely get out of my driveway to go to work every morning. I have the Home Owners Association on their heels having a conniption about the whole situation. I should complain to them about my neighbors dumping their garbage in my yard, but I won’t. The sanitation engineers that service our neighborhood have stopped servicing the area, due to the fact that there is nothing in all the peoples’ garbage cans.”
As of press time, Mr. Crabby’s wife had started a lucrative recycling business.


thespoof--2020-10-24--Trump Fires Pence, Hires Sacha Baron Cohen As VP

Promising to inject energy and dick jokes into his flagging election campaign , US President Donald Trump announced comedian Sacha @ @ @ @ @ Pence as Vice President .
Trump tweeted early Saturday : `` SO STOKED .
Gon @ @ @ @ @ trips .
CA N'T WAIT for pranks on Don Jr & Eric .
Gon na @ @ @ @ @ so boring . ''
Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson predicted the move would make the @ @ @ @ @ appealing to frat boys '' .
At an afternoon press conference in New York , @ @ @ @ @ with the Borat star 's `` international experience and appreciation of American politics and people @ @ @ @ @ you wo n't be able to get enough of this guy . ''

Promising to inject energy and dick jokes into his flagging election campaign, US President Donald Trump announced comedian Sacha Baron Cohen would replace Mike Pence as Vice President.
Trump tweeted early Saturday: "SO STOKED. Gonna be HILARIOUS on road trips. CAN'T WAIT for pranks on Don Jr & Eric. Gonna PISS MY PANTS. Pence so boring."
Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson predicted the move would make the Republican ticket "even more appealing to frat boys".
At an afternoon press conference in New York, Trump said he was impressed with the Borat star's "international experience and appreciation of American politics and people," and added "you won't be able to get enough of this guy."


thespoof--2020-10-24--Senator Mitch McConnell Finally Comes Clean and Explains The Bruises, The Purple Hands, The Band-Aid

Senator Mitch McConnell Finally Comes Clean and Explains The Bruises, The Purple Hands, The Band-Aids, and The Blue Lips

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – The iRumors News Agency has just reported that , after first insisting that he is as fit as Donald Trump , Mitch McConnell has come clean .
He has admitted that the bruises , purple hands , Band-Aids , nose cast , and blue lips are a result of him slipping while brushing his teeth .
The senator from Kentucky , who will most probably lose his senate seat which he has held for over 70 years , is lying through his teeth , according to iRumors .
A neighbor of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ % certain that McConnell ’ s wife , Ling Ling , most probably beat the hell out of him .
The neighbor , who would only give iRumors his nickname , “ Sparky ” , said that the couple fights all the time – and Ling Ling , who is a native of Chopsticks , China , always , always wins .
Meanwhile , a private investigator has learned that the senator has put a restraining order on his mean-as-hell wife , who only stands 4 feet 7 inches , and weighs 83 @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The iRumors News Agency has just reported that, after first insisting that he is as fit as Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell has come clean.
He has admitted that the bruises, purple hands, Band-Aids, nose cast, and blue lips are a result of him slipping while brushing his teeth.
The senator from Kentucky, who will most probably lose his senate seat which he has held for over 70 years, is lying through his teeth, according to iRumors.
A neighbor of the senator said that he is 99.3 % certain that McConnell’s wife, Ling Ling, most probably beat the hell out of him.
The neighbor, who would only give iRumors his nickname, “Sparky”, said that the couple fights all the time – and Ling Ling, who is a native of Chopsticks, China, always, always wins.
Meanwhile, a private investigator has learned that the senator has put a restraining order on his mean-as-hell wife, who only stands 4 feet 7 inches, and weighs 83 pounds.


thespoof--2020-10-24--Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein’s Girlfriend, Hints That President Trump’s Name is in Her Little

Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein’s Girlfriend, Hints That President Trump’s Name is in Her Little Black Book

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – Bedroom Pillow Talk has stated that the infamous Ghislaine Maxwell , who allegedly procured girls for Jeffrey Epstein , has commented on the contents of her little black bombshell of a book .
Ghislaine reportedly gave one of the prison guards some names found in her book , in exchange for getting an apple and an avocado .
Maxwell , whose revelations could put the spotlight on some of the world ’ s most well-known individuals , is trying to cop a deal .
She told BPT ’ s Gazebo Serengeti @ @ @ @ @ @ @ black book is none other than Donald J. Trump , as in the Electoral College Donald J. Trump .
When POTUS was asked to comment , he remarked that he has always been 97.7 % faithful to all of his 3 wives ; especially Melania .
His little bitty hands started shaking as he pointed out that if Melania knew that he had banged another woman while married to her , she would get a meat cleaver from the White House kitchen , and perform the Slovenia Snip-Snipadoddle on his baby Trumpies .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Bedroom Pillow Talk has stated that the infamous Ghislaine Maxwell, who allegedly procured girls for Jeffrey Epstein, has commented on the contents of her little black bombshell of a book.
Ghislaine reportedly gave one of the prison guards some names found in her book, in exchange for getting an apple and an avocado.
Maxwell, whose revelations could put the spotlight on some of the world’s most well-known individuals, is trying to cop a deal.
She told BPT’s Gazebo Serengeti that one of the names in the black book is none other than Donald J. Trump, as in the Electoral College Donald J. Trump.
When POTUS was asked to comment, he remarked that he has always been 97.7% faithful to all of his 3 wives; especially Melania.
His little bitty hands started shaking as he pointed out that if Melania knew that he had banged another woman while married to her, she would get a meat cleaver from the White House kitchen, and perform the Slovenia Snip-Snipadoddle on his baby Trumpies.


thespoof--2020-10-25--Trump Suggests Blowing up Hoover Dam to Stop Colorado Wildfires

The current administration has come up with yet another brilliant idea , in its string of brilliant ideas , regarding dealing with national emergencies and disasters .
This time , it ’ s an ingenious concept of solving the problem of Colorado wildfires .
“ We have to thank the genius of our president , who has shown , repeatedly , that he has a recipe for everything .
I mean everything , from dealing with pandemic to avoiding difficult questions asked by media , ” said one of the President ’ s aides in an interview for our magazine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wildfires when our president indicated that it ’ s all about mismanagement of the sun .
Nobody believed him , which is why this disaster , created by China , left the carnage in its wake.
” “ Please , listen to him now , to avoid further human casualties and billions of dollars in damage .
It ’ s in our national interest to blow up that old and ugly Hoover Dam .
The water will , like , flood everything and stuff .
Firefighters can only do so much .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ blow up the damn thing will deal with any wildfire in Colorado , Nevada , or Arizona.
” “ Yes , there might be some casualties and collateral damage , but we have to balance .
Even the most workable solutions require some sacrifice .
We ’ ll ask people what they prefer .
To burn alive in their homes or to drown .
”

The current administration has come up with yet another brilliant idea, in its string of brilliant ideas, regarding dealing with national emergencies and disasters. This time, it’s an ingenious concept of solving the problem of Colorado wildfires.
“We have to thank the genius of our president, who has shown, repeatedly, that he has a recipe for everything. I mean everything, from dealing with pandemic to avoiding difficult questions asked by media,” said one of the President’s aides in an interview for our magazine.
“You probably remember the California wildfires when our president indicated that it’s all about mismanagement of the sun. Nobody believed him, which is why this disaster, created by China, left the carnage in its wake.”
“Please, listen to him now, to avoid further human casualties and billions of dollars in damage. It’s in our national interest to blow up that old and ugly Hoover Dam. The water will, like, flood everything and stuff. Firefighters can only do so much. The large quantity of water released after we blow up the damn thing will deal with any wildfire in Colorado, Nevada, or Arizona.”
“Yes, there might be some casualties and collateral damage, but we have to balance. Even the most workable solutions require some sacrifice. We’ll ask people what they prefer. To burn alive in their homes or to drown.”


thespoof--2020-10-25--A Brooklyn Mafia Boss Says If President Trump Loses and Refuses to Vacate the White House, He Has So

A Brooklyn Mafia Boss Says If President Trump Loses and Refuses to Vacate the White House, He Has Some Fellas Who Will Help Him Leave

BROOKLYN – ( Satire News ) – Fox News is reporting that President Trump has said that , if he loses the election , he will simply refuse to vacate the White House .
The so-called 'Fair and Balanced ' network pointed out that the President remarked that the Constitution , the Bill of Rights , and the Ipso Facto Clause of 1813 , all give him the right to just stay put , for as long as he desires .
Trump brags that not even a category 5 tsunami could make him leave the White House , which he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ by reason of the Virginia Squatters Amendment of 1887 .
Meanwhile , Brooklyn mob boss and head of the Goombalini Crime Family , Salvatore Goombalini , has informed the Biden Campaign that , if the “ Liar-in-Chief ” refuses to leave , he has a couple of associates who can help get his arrogantly sarcastic ass out of the people 's White House within a few minutes .
Goombalini told The Right Coast Revue that he will not charge the American taxpayers one single dime .
The infamous Mafioso pointed out that it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the White House of the obnoxious hate-spewing rodent .

BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – Fox News is reporting that President Trump has said that, if he loses the election, he will simply refuse to vacate the White House.
The so-called 'Fair and Balanced' network pointed out that the President remarked that the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Ipso Facto Clause of 1813, all give him the right to just stay put, for as long as he desires.
Trump brags that not even a category 5 tsunami could make him leave the White House, which he truly believes now belongs to him, by reason of the Virginia Squatters Amendment of 1887.
Meanwhile, Brooklyn mob boss and head of the Goombalini Crime Family, Salvatore Goombalini, has informed the Biden Campaign that, if the “Liar-in-Chief” refuses to leave, he has a couple of associates who can help get his arrogantly sarcastic ass out of the people's White House within a few minutes.
Goombalini told The Right Coast Revue that he will not charge the American taxpayers one single dime.
The infamous Mafioso pointed out that it will be his pleasure to once-and-for-all rid the White House of the obnoxious hate-spewing rodent.


thespoof--2020-10-26--Biden Seen Leaving Tomb: Claims To Have Suburban Mummy Vote

BILLINGSGATE POST : Pollsters who predicted Sleepy Joe Biden would get the suburban mummy vote were vindicated by reports that @ @ @ @ @ in line to cast their vote for the man who looks like he has spent @ @ @ @ @ in a pyramid .
Not since King Tut was the golden boy of ancient Egypt @ @ @ @ @ surfaced from the dead to resurrect voters who were laid to rest years ago .
@ @ @ @ @ this change of voter eligibility will have on the election .
Cadaver Institute spokesmummy , @ @ @ @ @ that : “ There are more of us than them.
” This may well be @ @ @ @ @ Joe Biden ’ s sarcophagus being opened for public display , the inspiration this may @ @ @ @ @ prove to put Sleepy Joe over the hump , along with his dromedary mate , @ @ @ @ @ .
Slim : “ You see his face ?
I have seen mummies better preserved @ @ @ @ @ “ Yo , Dude .
Still looks better than Kamala .
”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Pollsters who predicted Sleepy Joe Biden would get the suburban mummy vote were vindicated by reports that heavily-bandaged mummies were seen standing in line to cast their vote for the man who looks like he has spent the past 3,000 years entombed in a pyramid.
Not since King Tut was the golden boy of ancient Egypt has such an inspirational leader surfaced from the dead to resurrect voters who were laid to rest years ago.
Pollsters differ on how extensive this change of voter eligibility will have on the election. Cadaver Institute spokesmummy, Oily Stiff, points out that: “There are more of us than them.”
This may well be. With newly-surfaced images of Joe Biden’s sarcophagus being opened for public display, the inspiration this may give to long-buried voters may prove to put Sleepy Joe over the hump, along with his dromedary mate, Kamala “Breath” Harris.
Slim: “You see his face? I have seen mummies better preserved than that.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Still looks better than Kamala.”


thespoof--2020-10-26--Man Doesn't Know Where Washington, D.C. Is

A man who is almost totally ignorant of 'anything American ' has revealed that , although he regularly reads things about Washington , D.C. on the internet , he was oblivious to where the city was situated , and could not have pointed it out on a map .
The United States of America is a big country - `` too big '' , some would say , especially for its boots - and places are not easy to locate , especially if you have bad eyesight .
But this was n't the reason used by Moys Kenwood , 57 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ two years ago , that his knowledge of US Politics was rather 'sketchy ' , the Englishman has now come clean about his complete lack of knowledge about its geography .
`` I know , for instance , that the capital city , New York , is near New Amsterdam and New England - that makes with all the new cities being built close together - and that Texas is in Dallas , but just where Washington is fails me . ''
Having been shown a map of the US , Kenwood 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , his right index finger hovering briefly over places that were n't Washington , D.C. , before he finally gave up , looking frustrated .
`` I know it 's somewhere in the pink bit , '' he said .

A man who is almost totally ignorant of 'anything American' has revealed that, although he regularly reads things about Washington, D.C. on the internet, he was oblivious to where the city was situated, and could not have pointed it out on a map.
The United States of America is a big country - "too big", some would say, especially for its boots - and places are not easy to locate, especially if you have bad eyesight.
But this wasn't the reason used by Moys Kenwood, 57.
Having already admitted, more than two years ago, that his knowledge of US Politics was rather 'sketchy', the Englishman has now come clean about his complete lack of knowledge about its geography.
He said:
"I know, for instance, that the capital city, New York, is near New Amsterdam and New England - that makes sense with all the new cities being built close together - and that Texas is in Dallas, but just where Washington is fails me."
Having been shown a map of the US, Kenwood's eyes flashed wildly from side to side, his right index finger hovering briefly over places that weren't Washington, D.C., before he finally gave up, looking frustrated.
"I know it's somewhere in the pink bit," he said.


thespoof--2020-10-26--Hillary Clinton to shake booty for Biden (and cabinet position) at final rallies up to November 3

It is no rumor that Ms. Clinton has stated ( smiling ) she is looking forward to a cabinet position in Joe Biden 's presidency .
Moreover , Mr. Biden 's rallies have left a somewhat pallid impression as having relatively few supporters and a certain drabness .
“ Hell , it 's all right with me , as long as she wears a mask , ” Mr. Biden has said .
That is , in the waning days of this 2020 presidential campaign season , Ms. Clinton is now said to be contemplating performing in the final rallies .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ YMCA ” at a recent rally , Ms. Clinton will step forward with her considerable assets to smile and dance at Joe 's side .
In and out of limousines , Ms. Clinton has been observed snapping her fingers while intoning : “ Shake yo ' booty Get rich , do your dance It 's your duty .
.
.
” According to investigative sources , however , her performance is a quid pro quo for that valuable cabinet position she longs for .
“ I 'll take whatever I can get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , before going further into listing her qualifications : Secretary of State Redux : Extensive experience with “ We came , we saw , he died ” politics as with elimination of Moammar Gaddafi and Libya 's current harmony .
Secretary of Defense : Ms. Clinton 's expertise here ( as with above ) includes extensive study of Russia and how it manufactured “ Russia-gate.
” Secretary of The Treasury : Unparalleled experience with money in terms of getting it and spending it .
Expert in Ukraine finances for several years now .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ hinting that “ something is rotten in the state of Denmark ” regarding her emails , the Steele Dossier , and other trivia .
Mr. Biden 's son will be cleared by the end of February , 2021 .
“ Well , of course I will consider Ms. Clinton 's application , ” Mr. Biden has stated .
“ She 's a credit to the Clintons and I 've always liked the name Chelsea.
” On being informed of his mistake , Mr. Biden smiled behind his mask with a chortling , “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anyone take a joke around here ?
” Ms. Clinton ( Hillary ) had a very red face , and was spluttering at this point , but she immediately recovered and swirled into her performance number .
“ Shake yo ' booty Get rich , do your dance It 's your duty Stack paper , let 's get crazy Throw up your hands Then be Swayze Shake shake shake Shake your booty !
”

It is no rumor that Ms. Clinton has stated (smiling) she is looking forward to a cabinet position in Joe Biden's presidency.
Moreover, Mr. Biden's rallies have left a somewhat pallid impression as having relatively few supporters and a certain drabness.
Mr. Trump's very well-attended, uproarious sessions supply contrast.
“Hell, it's all right with me, as long as she wears a mask,” Mr. Biden has said.
That is, in the waning days of this 2020 presidential campaign season, Ms. Clinton is now said to be contemplating performing in the final rallies.
Inspired by Mr. Trump's dancing to “YMCA” at a recent rally, Ms. Clinton will step forward with her considerable assets to smile and dance at Joe's side.
In and out of limousines, Ms. Clinton has been observed snapping her fingers while intoning:
“Shake yo' booty
Get rich, do your dance
It's your duty . . .”
According to investigative sources, however, her performance is a quid pro quo for that valuable cabinet position she longs for.
Which cabinet position?
“I'll take whatever I can get,” she replied to this question, before going further into listing her qualifications:
Secretary of State Redux: Extensive experience with “We came, we saw, he died” politics as with elimination of Moammar Gaddafi and Libya's current harmony.
Secretary of Defense: Ms. Clinton's expertise here (as with above) includes extensive study of Russia and how it manufactured “Russia-gate.”
Secretary of The Treasury: Unparalleled experience with money in terms of getting it and spending it. Expert in Ukraine finances for several years now.
Attorney General: Enough of all the hinting that “something is rotten in the state of Denmark” regarding her emails, the Steele Dossier, and other trivia. Mr. Biden's son will be cleared by the end of February, 2021.
“Well, of course I will consider Ms. Clinton's application,” Mr. Biden has stated. “She's a credit to the Clintons and I've always liked the name Chelsea.”
On being informed of his mistake, Mr. Biden smiled behind his mask with a chortling, “I was just kidding! Can't anyone take a joke around here?”
Ms. Clinton (Hillary) had a very red face, and was spluttering at this point, but she immediately recovered and swirled into her performance number.
“Shake yo' booty
Get rich, do your dance
It's your duty
Stack paper, let's get crazy
Throw up your hands
Then be Swayze
Shake shake shake
Shake your booty!”


thespoof--2020-10-26--President Trump is Going to Borrow $50 Million From the U.S. Department of The Treasury to Boost His

President Trump is Going to Borrow $50 Million From the U.S. Department of The Treasury to Boost His Re-Election Chances

YELLOW ICE , North Dakota – ( Satire News ) – President Trump is continuing to reject Dr. Fauci ’ @ @ @ @ @ still holding his campaign hate rallies with only about 7 people wearing masks .
Trump @ @ @ @ @ , since he has already had the Coronavirus , the odds of him not getting @ @ @ @ @ than the odds of Don Lemon suddenly becoming straight .
POTUS has told his boyfriend @ @ @ @ @ he will be borrowing $ 50 million from the United States Treasury to boost his @ @ @ @ @ Trump wanted to let all of the taxpayers know - especially the Democrat taxpayers - @ @ @ @ @ is perfectly legal , as per his personal attorney , Bill Barr .
The President @ @ @ @ @ tired of the Democrats focusing on the Coronavirus pandemic , instead of trying to find @ @ @ @ @ .
He went on to add that he promises the entire nation that he will @ @ @ @ @ days after he is re-elected .

YELLOW ICE, North Dakota – (Satire News) – President Trump is continuing to reject Dr. Fauci’s suggestion, and is still holding his campaign hate rallies with only about 7 people wearing masks.
Trump has told his crowd that, since he has already had the Coronavirus, the odds of him not getting it again, are better than the odds of Don Lemon suddenly becoming straight.
POTUS has told his boyfriend, Sean Hannity, that he will be borrowing $50 million from the United States Treasury to boost his chances of being re-elected.
Trump wanted to let all of the taxpayers know - especially the Democrat taxpayers - that what he is doing is perfectly legal, as per his personal attorney, Bill Barr.
The President has said that he is tired of the Democrats focusing on the Coronavirus pandemic, instead of trying to find tax loopholes for humongous companies.
He went on to add that he promises the entire nation that he will personally eliminate COVID-19, two days after he is re-elected.


thespoof--2020-10-27--Self-Made Entrepreneur Jared Kushner Says Blacks Need to Get Motivated to be Successful Like Him

Washington - The first Son-In-Law of the nation , Jared Kushner , spoke in a campaign speech on behalf of @ @ @ @ @ commented to African Americans about their lack of motivation to become as successful as he @ @ @ @ @ n't want them to be successful more than they want to be successful . ''
@ @ @ @ @ they can be motivated to be successful , like me , they wo n't have @ @ @ @ @ Kushner is , of course , one of the nation 's most notable `` rags-to-riches @ @ @ @ @ Starting with nothing at all , he created an empire worth billions .
Many of @ @ @ @ @ apartment buildings in large east coast cities were happy to see Kushner reach out to @ @ @ @ @ up and build a fortune equal to his .
`` I would have something to @ @ @ @ @ just speechless , '' said one occupant of Kushner 's apartments .
Clearly , the @ @ @ @ @ Kushner , he just could n't find the right words .

Washington - The first Son-In-Law of the nation, Jared Kushner, spoke in a campaign speech on behalf of his father-in-law Donald Trump and commented to African Americans about their lack of motivation to become as successful as he is.
"We can't want them to be successful more than they want to be successful." said Kushner. "If they can be motivated to be successful, like me, they won't have anything to complain about.
Kushner is, of course, one of the nation's most notable "rags-to-riches", self-made men. Starting with nothing at all, he created an empire worth billions. Many of the tenants of his run-down apartment buildings in large east coast cities were happy to see Kushner reach out to help motivate them to rise up and build a fortune equal to his.
"I would have something to say, but I'm just speechless," said one occupant of Kushner's apartments. Clearly, the man was so motivated by Kushner, he just couldn't find the right words.


thespoof--2020-10-26--Covid's Real Cost: Unlearned Sit/Set, Lay/Lie

Donald J. Trump Elementary School , Covina , CA .
Education reporter Andy Cooperson for Spoof News .
Here at @ @ @ @ @ K-6 schools across the country , the real cost of the Covid-19 virus wo n't @ @ @ @ @ a year .
Then , as third-graders move up to fourth grade , the failure @ @ @ @ @ was necessitated by the danger of in-class schooling , will be evident .
Kids will @ @ @ @ @ in their fourth-grade classrooms .
They will also `` lay '' down on the grass @ @ @ @ @ generation of elementary school students will have acquired a grammar problem that once was only @ @ @ @ @ who skipped third grade and never learned the difference between sit/set and lay/lie .
It @ @ @ @ @ lives .
That 's one reason the school board here decided to change the name @ @ @ @ @ of Trump Elementary .
As adults , the once third graders can justify their grammatical @ @ @ @ @ 'm a victim of Trump education . ''

Donald J. Trump Elementary School, Covina, CA. Education reporter Andy Cooperson for Spoof News. Here at Trump Elementary, and at K-6 schools across the country, the real cost of the Covid-19 virus won't be seen for at least a year. Then, as third-graders move up to fourth grade, the failure of distance learning, which was necessitated by the danger of in-class schooling, will be evident.
Kids will "set" at desks in their fourth-grade classrooms. They will also "lay" down on the grass at recess. An entire generation of elementary school students will have acquired a grammar problem that once was only found among the few kids who skipped third grade and never learned the difference between sit/set and lay/lie. It will plague them all their lives.
That's one reason the school board here decided to change the name of Badillo School to that of Trump Elementary. As adults, the once third graders can justify their grammatical errors by saying "I'm a victim of Trump education."


thespoof--2020-10-27--Donald Trump To Be Defeated By ‘Sleepy Joe’

Donald Trump likes to give his opponents silly names , thinking it will make him appear superior .
Immature ?
Yes , but that ’ s where he remains , and now it ’ s to be expected from The Bump .
Feeling superior to Joe Biden , allegedly because he inherited 400 million from his father and lost , he decided to give his opponent a nickname of Sleepy Joe .
It ’ s a put-down , sleepy as in senile , slow , old , over-the-hill .
A juvenile thing to do , but that 's Trump .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ wins the 2020 election ?
Joe Biden has already cleaned Trump 's clock in debates , with his campaign message , advertisements , plans for the economy , confining and eliminating COVID-19 , and getting the nation out of the stagnant cesspool Trump has taken it .
Donald Trump insists that he had it made , but coronavirus ruined everything for him and got him down .
No , not quite right .
The escalator got him down , and every day while in the White House , Trump took the nation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ world at the United Nations laughed at Trump while giving a speech .
Will Donald Trump graciously concede ?
Say that the voters have spoken ?
That he wishes his successor ‘ Sleepy Joe ’ and this nation best wishes ?
Kicking and screaming is more like it .
Read more by this author : • Buy A Very British Lesson by K.C .
Bell , at Amazon.com

Donald Trump likes to give his opponents silly names, thinking it will make him appear superior. Immature? Yes, but that’s where he remains, and now it’s to be expected from The Bump.
Feeling superior to Joe Biden, allegedly because he inherited 400 million from his father and lost, he decided to give his opponent a nickname of Sleepy Joe.
Why ‘Sleepy’?
It’s a put-down, sleepy as in senile, slow, old, over-the-hill. A juvenile thing to do, but that's Trump.
So what happens when ‘Sleepy Joe’ wins the 2020 election? Joe Biden has already cleaned Trump's clock in debates, with his campaign message, advertisements, plans for the economy, confining and eliminating COVID-19, and getting the nation out of the stagnant cesspool Trump has taken it.
Donald Trump insists that he had it made, but coronavirus ruined everything for him and got him down. No, not quite right. The escalator got him down, and every day while in the White House, Trump took the nation relentlessly further down.
Even the whole world at the United Nations laughed at Trump while giving a speech.
Will Donald Trump graciously concede? Say that the voters have spoken? That he wishes his successor ‘Sleepy Joe’ and this nation best wishes?
Kicking and screaming is more like it.
Escalators also move upstairs.
Read more by this author:


thespoof--2020-10-27--Biden administration forecasts long dark winter “everything in sight locked down”

It is no secret that with millions of ballots already cast , Mr. Biden is ahead in the upcoming November 3 presidential election .
Accordingly , he has offered a far-ranging look into coming days with himself at the helm of the United States .
“ But , sir , there are studies out now that say this Covid-19 disease is not nearly as serious as we thought it was.
” “ Utter nonsense !
Why do you think I 'm wearing these masks as I speak to you , and please step back .
You 're over the six @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I 'm not sure.
” “ Yes , sir .
But , by now , numerous doctors and scientists have come forward on the illness as overblown into politics , not science .
The death rates -- ” “ You 're talking about death rates .
Do you know how many Americans have died , on average , every day ?
” “ However , sir , a lot of those deaths have been confused in terms of versus or so we do n't have an accurate count .
It 's very @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is starting up -- ” “ Let me tell you how you can figure out if you have this thing.
” “ Any two of these : sniffle , cough , headache , yawning all the time , nasty bowel movement—you 've got it.
” “ Or one of these : a chill in the morning when you get out of bed .
The common cold .
A little fever .
There , you see !
Please , step back , you 've moved forward again.
” “ Yes , but locking down @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Have you read the medical studies on masks as harmful ?
Studies on carbon dioxide build-up ?
” “ Better safe than sorry , I say , despite all these stupid skeptics versus the very wise and experienced Dr. Fauci.
” “ But , sir , is there a conflict of interest anywhere here with people like Dr. Fauci connected to the pharmaceutical industries .
.
.
?
” “ And do n't tell me there are old people passing out in the supermarkets because they have to wear these masks and ca @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that 's called collateral damage , I believe.
” “ Ca n't you get it through your head ?
It 's like when Germany invaded Europe , think of Covid-19 as the Nazis pouring into Poland and those places .
Into Italy , I think.
” “ Well , so did I , but , hell , look at what happened .
What a travesty !
Chamberlain -- was that his name ?
-- and those people letting it all happen .
Well , tell you what !
Not on my watch !
@

It is no secret that with millions of ballots already cast, Mr. Biden is ahead in the upcoming November 3 presidential election.
Accordingly, he has offered a far-ranging look into coming days with himself at the helm of the United States.
Transcript of interview:
“But, sir, there are studies out now that say this Covid-19 disease is not nearly as serious as we thought it was.”
“Utter nonsense! Why do you think I'm wearing these masks as I speak to you, and please step back. You're over the six feet distancing line—or is it six metres, I'm not sure.”
“Yes, sir. But, by now, numerous doctors and scientists have come forward on the illness as overblown into politics, not science. The death rates--”
“You're talking about death rates. Do you know how many Americans have died, on average, every day?”
“However, sir, a lot of those deaths have been confused in terms of with versus of or from, so we don't have an accurate count. It's very confusing. Now in Florida an investigation is starting up--”
“Let me tell you how you can figure out if you have this thing.”
“Very well, sir.”
“Any two of these: sniffle, cough, headache, yawning all the time, nasty bowel movement—you've got it.”
“But, sir, really--”
“Or one of these: a chill in the morning when you get out of bed. The common cold. A little fever. There, you see! Please, step back, you've moved forward again.”
“Yes, but locking down an entire country, the economy? Have you read the medical studies on masks as harmful? Studies on carbon dioxide build-up?”
“Better safe than sorry, I say, despite all these stupid skeptics versus the very wise and experienced Dr. Fauci.”
“But, sir, is there a conflict of interest anywhere here with people like Dr. Fauci connected to the pharmaceutical industries . . .?”
“And don't tell me there are old people passing out in the supermarkets because they have to wear these masks and can't breathe properly. If so, that's called collateral damage, I believe.”
“But, sir, the economy--”
“Can't you get it through your head? It's like when Germany invaded Europe, think of Covid-19 as the Nazis pouring into Poland and those places. Into Italy, I think.”
“I thought Germany was part of Europe.”
“Well, so did I, but, hell, look at what happened. What a travesty! Chamberlain--was that his name?--and those people letting it all happen. Well, tell you what! Not on my watch!”


thespoof--2020-10-27--Giant Fly enters Presidential Race

Giant Fly enters Presidential Race

In an astounding moment of bravery , representatives for last-minute voting statistics have reported a late entry into the presidential @ @ @ @ @ of The Giant Fly to the roster of eligible candidates .
Through an insect interpreter @ @ @ @ @ indicated that the only reason Canadians had maintained their political equilibrium , was directly related @ @ @ @ @ Giant Spider in front of the National Arts Center , and he felt it was @ @ @ @ @ to life , and set all buzz hearts aflutter by throwing himself at the problem @ @ @ @ @ would be SQUASHED INTO THE PAVEMENT LIKE A BUG .
All protests against the fly @ @ @ @ @ been met with gestures of support from Hari Krishna , The Mars Society , The @ @ @ @ @ leftist offshoots of the Mormon society , who have been accused of breeding like flies @ @ @ @ @ his bravery to Mike Pence , who he says simply got him carried away .

In an astounding moment of bravery, representatives for last-minute voting statistics have reported a late entry into the presidential race, with the signing of The Giant Fly to the roster of eligible candidates.
Through an insect interpreter, The Giant Fly sternly indicated that the only reason Canadians had maintained their political equilibrium, was directly related to the presence of the Giant Spider in front of the National Arts Center, and he felt it was his duty to bring art to life, and set all buzz hearts aflutter by throwing himself at the problem, despite being warned he would be SQUASHED INTO THE PAVEMENT LIKE A BUG.
All protests against the fly's inclusion this year have been met with gestures of support from Hari Krishna, The Mars Society, The Dukhabors, and a few leftist offshoots of the Mormon society, who have been accused of breeding like flies.
The Giant Fly credits his bravery to Mike Pence, who he says simply got him carried away.


thespoof--2020-10-27--"If you build it they will come"

"If you build it they will come"

President Trump complained to reporters that he saw so many brown faces in Arizona that he thought he was in @ @ @ @ @ I 'm building a wall , so here they come ... faces half covered , @ @ @ @ @ real Americans . ''
When the current mayor tried to explain to the President that @ @ @ @ @ of the virus , he was nowhere to be found .
`` I turned around @ @ @ @ @ he was gone .
Apparently , he had found his way to the Low Rider @ @ @ @ @ of the models scream ... the man never fails when it comes to chasing tail @ @ @ @ @ say something , but I know if I do , next year , I will @ @ @ @ @ ''

President Trump complained to reporters that he saw so many brown faces in Arizona that he thought he was in Mexico.
"I say I'm building a wall, so here they come...faces half covered, ready to steal jobs from real Americans."
When the current mayor tried to explain to the President that they were wearing masks because of the virus, he was nowhere to be found.
"I turned around to tell him, and he was gone. Apparently, he had found his way to the Low Rider exhibits. I heard one of the models scream...the man never fails when it comes to chasing tail. I would like to say something, but I know if I do, next year, I will be chasing my own."


thespoof--2020-10-27--Amy Coney Barrett is Now a Cruel, Mean, Uncaring, Hate-Filled Pro-Trump GOP Supreme Court Judge

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Vox Populi is reporting that Trump and the GOPunks have gotten their way .
They have shoved in yet another Republican puppet to do whatever the “ Divider-in-Chief ” wants this spineless Raggedy Ann to do .
Vox Populi has commented that , in the history of senate hearings , there was no one who refused to answer more questions ( 397 ) than this arrogant mother of 14 children .
Millions of voters asked what the hell she was hiding .
Well , as Vox Populi learned , she was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to be just another one of Trump ’ s ass-kissers , like “ Moscow Mitch ” McConnell , Lindsey “ Sissy Britches ” Graham , and Scott , “ The Has-Been ” Baio .
But , as Nancy Pelosi was quick to point out , worry not my kind , caring , good American Democrats , for there will be justice soon .
She smiled and said that , when President Biden takes office , he is going to undo every single solitary damn thing that Trump did .
Pelosi further stated that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ children from their cages , and doubling The Supreme Court with 9 more judges ; all of them DEMOCRATS !
So as Barack Obama , one of the greatest presidents of all time once said , “ Tuff titty , said the kitty !
”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Vox Populi is reporting that Trump and the GOPunks have gotten their way. They have shoved in yet another Republican puppet to do whatever the “Divider-in-Chief” wants this spineless Raggedy Ann to do.
Vox Populi has commented that, in the history of senate hearings, there was no one who refused to answer more questions (397) than this arrogant mother of 14 children. Millions of voters asked what the hell she was hiding.
Well, as Vox Populi learned, she was hiding the fact that she was going to be just another one of Trump’s ass-kissers, like “Moscow Mitch” McConnell, Lindsey “Sissy Britches” Graham, and Scott, “The Has-Been” Baio.
But, as Nancy Pelosi was quick to point out, worry not my kind, caring, good American Democrats, for there will be justice soon.
She smiled and said that, when President Biden takes office, he is going to undo every single solitary damn thing that Trump did.
Pelosi further stated that President-Elect Biden will be releasing those poor children from their cages, and doubling The Supreme Court with 9 more judges; all of them DEMOCRATS!
So as Barack Obama, one of the greatest presidents of all time once said, “Tuff titty, said the kitty!”


thespoof--2020-10-27--Trump to leave the White House through the sewage system

Trailing in the polls , it looks increasingly likely that Donald Trump will lose the upcoming presidential election .
With @ @ @ @ @ personality disorder , it is unlikely that Trump will be able to face the reality @ @ @ @ @ The entire world will be watching when he steps out of the White House for @ @ @ @ @ have said that it is likely that Trump could be smuggled out of the building @ @ @ @ @ .
He would be wrapped in toilet paper , then placed inside a plastic waterproof @ @ @ @ @ down the wastepipe of the executive bathroom in the White House .
The sewers have @ @ @ @ @ large enough to fit a human being , because George Washington 's German mistress , @ @ @ @ @ swimming through dung as a health treatment before she sadly died of dysentery .
So @ @ @ @ @ do n't expect Trump to hand over power gracefully .
The only thing Joe Biden @ @ @ @ @ he inherits the White House will be to flush the toilet .

Trailing in the polls, it looks increasingly likely that Donald Trump will lose the upcoming presidential election.
With his fragile ego and narcissistic personality disorder, it is unlikely that Trump will be able to face the reality of losing so publicly. The entire world will be watching when he steps out of the White House for the last time.
Insiders have said that it is likely that Trump could be smuggled out of the building through the roomy sewage system. He would be wrapped in toilet paper, then placed inside a plastic waterproof poop-a-scoop, before being flushed down the wastepipe of the executive bathroom in the White House.
The sewers have been built to a specification large enough to fit a human being, because George Washington's German mistress, Helga, was fond of swimming through dung as a health treatment before she sadly died of dysentery.
So, on January 20th, don't expect Trump to hand over power gracefully. The only thing Joe Biden will need to do when he inherits the White House will be to flush the toilet.


thespoof--2020-10-27--Trump Wants To Kill Obamacare, But He Has No Plan To Replace It, Proving He’s Just a Fake and a Frau

Trump Wants To Kill Obamacare, But He Has No Plan To Replace It, Proving He’s Just a Fake and a Fraud

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – The latest poll from Quinnipini shows that President Trump wants to take away Obamacare from 175 million middle-class and poor people , but the cruel , hate-filled piece of shit has nothing to replace it with .
Nothing .
If that doesn ’ t show that the man is a heartless and downright evil SOB , then the Atlantic Ocean is not wet .
Trump , who is as arrogant and sarcastic as they come , has shown the entire nation - and the world - that he is nothing more @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fraud .
And , just like Robert De Niro and millions of individuals have been saying all along , the flim-flam , orange-leather-faced con artist has got to go .
Trump wore out his welcome after just one month of his carnival sideshow .
He has cavorted with women of ill-repute , and thinks that his wife , Melania , is some kind of dumb schoolgirl who is naïve-as-hell .
But , like George Harrison said many years ago , all things must pass .
And President Bone Spurs , in late January @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but minus his wife Melania , and his little son Barron , who will be catching the first flight to Slovenia .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The latest poll from Quinnipini shows that President Trump wants to take away Obamacare from 175 million middle-class and poor people, but the cruel, hate-filled piece of shit has nothing to replace it with. Nothing.
If that doesn’t show that the man is a heartless and downright evil SOB, then the Atlantic Ocean is not wet.
Trump, who is as arrogant and sarcastic as they come, has shown the entire nation - and the world - that he is nothing more than a foul-mouthed talking fake and a fraud.
And, just like Robert De Niro and millions of individuals have been saying all along, the flim-flam, orange-leather-faced con artist has got to go.
Trump wore out his welcome after just one month of his carnival sideshow.
He has cavorted with women of ill-repute, and thinks that his wife, Melania, is some kind of dumb schoolgirl who is naïve-as-hell.
But, like George Harrison said many years ago, all things must pass.
And President Bone Spurs, in late January, will be heading down to Mar-a-Lago, but minus his wife Melania, and his little son Barron, who will be catching the first flight to Slovenia.


thespoof--2020-10-28--Biden and Trump both get "purple pill"

Biden and Trump both get "purple pill"

Drug makers , Smit , Krime and Velcome report that their new anti-anxiety drug Loffonza had some `` unexpected '' side effects .
`` Both candidates agreed to be part of our double blind study for the treatment of stage fright and anxiety .
We had no idea that both men received the drug . ''
After a short break or `` cat nap '' Trump was heard to say that he had woken up with a four-hour election .
Biden on the other hand was mumbling `` get her off of me . ''
Dr .
Von Glisten , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that it was a condition known as Multiple Personality Dyslexia .
`` Candidate Biden 's memory was triggered by the word `` cat . ''
He recalled later that he was dreaming about his cat , Floppie . ''
`` She was trying to sit on my lap while I was writing my acceptance speech . ''
`` President Trump stated that all he could remember was `` something that might have been or could possibly have been , about color , but not really . ''
`` It could have been blue @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I am going to win , so this interview is useless and so are you , frankly .
It 's all fake news .
You know it , I know it , EVERYBODY knows it . ''
Mrs. Trump 's comments post-debate were even more confusing ... '' The people are seeing a part of my husband that I see every day . ''
`` We can only conclude that the drug affected each person differently . ''
When asked for any further comment , all the above stated parties were `` unavailable @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
Who said anything about a party ? ''

Drug makers , Smit, Krime and Velcome report that their new anti-anxiety drug Loffonza had some "unexpected" side effects.
"Both candidates agreed to be part of our double blind study for the treatment of stage fright and anxiety. We had no idea that both men received the drug."
After a short break or "cat nap" Trump was heard to say that he had woken up with a four-hour election.
Biden on the other hand was mumbling "get her off of me."
Dr. Von Glisten, a consultant for the firm, stated that it was a condition known as Multiple Personality Dyslexia.
"Candidate Biden's memory was triggered by the word "cat." He recalled later that he was dreaming about his cat, Floppie."
"She was trying to sit on my lap while I was writing my acceptance speech."
"President Trump stated that all he could remember was "something that might have been or could possibly have been, about color, but not really."
"It could have been blue or purple. They all know that I am going to win, so this interview is useless and so are you, frankly. It's all fake news. You know it, I know it, EVERYBODY knows it."
Mrs. Trump's comments post-debate were even more confusing...
"The people are seeing a part of my husband that I see every day."
"We can only conclude that the drug affected each person differently."
When asked for any further comment, all the above stated parties were "unavailable".
"Party, what party? Who said anything about a party?"


thespoof--2020-10-29--Ted Cruz to Twitter: “Stop Censuring Trump; My Wife IS Ugly and My Dad DID Kill JFK“

Washington - The presidents of Twitter , Facebook and Google were called in front of a Senate Committee chaired by @ @ @ @ @ a Republican who grilled the social media companies about actions they have taken to censure @ @ @ @ @ The GOP members of the committee were especially incensed that Twitter and Facebook were deleting @ @ @ @ @ Breitbart , Infowars , Daily Wire and , of course , the Conspiracy Peddler-in-Chief , @ @ @ @ @ unproven and not factual .
“ You guys are always picking on President Trump .
@ @ @ @ @ .
Just look at what he said about my family , ” said Cruz .
@ @ @ @ @ President to like me .
”

Washington - The presidents of Twitter, Facebook and Google were called in front of a Senate Committee chaired by Texas Senator Ted Cruz, a Republican who grilled the social media companies about actions they have taken to censure information on their platforms.
The GOP members of the committee were especially incensed that Twitter and Facebook were deleting posts by Conservative sources like Breitbart, Infowars, Daily Wire and, of course, the Conspiracy Peddler-in-Chief, Donald Trump, that were unproven and not factual.
“You guys are always picking on President Trump. He always tells the truth. Just look at what he said about my family,” said Cruz. “I just want the President to like me.”


thespoof--2020-10-28--Trump reflects on a great 2020: happy with short game, found lots of golf balls

Reflecting to his wife , Melania , this morning at breakfast , US President Donald Trump considered his touch around @ @ @ @ @ number of found golf balls to be his greatest accomplishments in 2020 .
He reportedly @ @ @ @ @ `` chipping and fringe puts were fantastic this year .
Let 's not forget about @ @ @ @ @ rocked . ''
He continued : `` That 83 at Doral in August was the @ @ @ @ @ found 3 Titleists and 2 Callaways .
One of them was orange .
I love @ @ @ @ @ Pence 's ass , too .
Pass the grape jelly , would you , Mel @ @ @ @ @ coffee , Trump reportedly asked Melania if he could reserve the living room for the @ @ @ @ @ new putter on their large carpet .

Reflecting to his wife, Melania, this morning at breakfast, US President Donald Trump considered his touch around the greens and the record number of found golf balls to be his greatest accomplishments in 2020.
He reportedly told the First Lady his "chipping and fringe puts were fantastic this year. Let's not forget about the sand wedges - they rocked."
He continued: "That 83 at Doral in August was the best. I must have found 3 Titleists and 2 Callaways. One of them was orange. I love those. And I kicked Pence's ass, too. Pass the grape jelly, would you, Mel?"
After finishing his coffee, Trump reportedly asked Melania if he could reserve the living room for the afternoon to try out a new putter on their large carpet.


thespoof--2020-10-28--Rudy Giuliani Addresses The Erectile Dysfunction Rumors

NEW YORK CITY – ( Satire News ) – The man who was once hailed as a hero , has now turned into the biggest laughing stock on the face of the earth .
Rudy Giuliani , aka The Swamp Creature , has denied that he colluded with the Russians back in 2016 .
But photos clearly show that he had dinner with President Vladimir Putin at least 11 times during August and October of 2016 .
Giuliani recently got busted by English comedian Sacha Baron Cohen in a sting which showed him on a bed with Cohen ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , who looked 19 , was fully clothed , whereas Rudy was as naked as a jay bird , except for a band-aid on one of his gonads .
The Borat video clearly showed that Rudy patootie was fiddling with his Vienna sausage .
The Hackensack Unveiler Chronicle recently reported that the man with the scary-as-shit ping pong ball eyes , has been dealing with ED ( erectile dysfunction ) for seven months .
Rudy denies it , and says that it 's just a rash that he is now taking the strongest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that he can still shoot , but his bullets are all blanks .

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The man who was once hailed as a hero, has now turned into the biggest laughing stock on the face of the earth.
Rudy Giuliani, aka The Swamp Creature, has denied that he colluded with the Russians back in 2016.
But photos clearly show that he had dinner with President Vladimir Putin at least 11 times during August and October of 2016.
Giuliani recently got busted by English comedian Sacha Baron Cohen in a sting which showed him on a bed with Cohen’s alleged, 15-year-old daughter.
The girl, who looked 19, was fully clothed, whereas Rudy was as naked as a jay bird, except for a band-aid on one of his gonads.
The Borat video clearly showed that Rudy patootie was fiddling with his Vienna sausage.
The Hackensack Unveiler Chronicle recently reported that the man with the scary-as-shit ping pong ball eyes, has been dealing with ED (erectile dysfunction) for seven months.
Rudy denies it, and says that it's just a rash that he is now taking the strongest rash medicine for.
Giuliani pointed out that he can still shoot, but his bullets are all blanks.


QAnon Revealed!

QAnon , the popular far right conspiracy cult , has been revealed to actually be a reverse I.Q .
test created by the government .
Originally designed to see what level of ridiculousness conservatives could get their base to subscribe to , the increasingly popular line of reasoning exposed a terrifying level of stupidity which triggered the change of focus .
QAnon was packaged and given a name once it was decided that it might be necessary to see just how selectively intelligent the far right had become .
A list of incrementally more outlandish claims were created , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ portals used by `` Q '' ( which was incidentally named after the James Bond character that worked for the nonexistent research and development branch of the British Secret Service who gave Bond progressively more and more ridiculous devices to use in his spy work ) to see how many , and how deeply , followers would buy into them .
`` We tried to make them progressively more ridiculous as we went on , '' an unnamed government source explained .
`` That was pretty difficult to do , since we led @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you ' , but we were able to come up with some pretty outlandish stuff , and a lot of people seem to have bought into it . ''
It was also revealed that the full name is actually an acronym with A.n.o.n .
each representing the level on this scale that measures reverse intelligence .
The breakdown is as follows : A .
- Asinine - The highest level of intelligence that you can maintain while still subscribing to the initial tenets of the theory .
Basically , if you believe that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ best interests , you fall into this category .
These people tended not to think that Tom Hanks was in control of any worldwide pedophile ring , but they still did n't like Joe vs. the Volcano , which does suggest some level of judgement .
n. - not smart - These are the people that do believe in the general concept that Hollywood is working with liberal government agents to launch a hostile takeover of the government .
These individuals tend to believe that Tom Hanks is somehow involved , but they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Watching it makes them feel smarter .
o .
- oblivious - This group was all in on the entire conspiracy theory , including all of the predictions that have not come to pass .
They have been labeled `` Clydesdales '' , for their apparent ability to move through life with blinders on that shield them from all potentially ego-threatening information reality provides .
These people hate Tom Hanks because of his role in the Da Vinci Code , which celebrates a much more liberal conspiracy theory .
They also tended @ @ @ @ @ @ @ themselves , because of the inability to discern the difference between garbage from quality stimuli .
n. - nuts - The lowest level of selective intelligence a person could reach .
These are the people that shoot up pizza joints , believe in baby-eating lizard people , and actively pursue the fake outcomes pushed by the zaniest aspects of the theory .
These people love Tom Hanks for his representation of Mr. Rogers in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood , showing a complete skewing of reality as they perceive it .
`` @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been troubling , '' the anonymous source stated .
`` We 've had way more tests with ratings of `` o '' and even `` n2 ( the second n ) '' than we anticipated .
The department responsible for creating the initial conspiracy theory has shown second thoughts about continuing the project , but are not sure how to end it .
`` At this point , there are too many nutsos that really buy into this crap , and we are n't sure how to tell them it 's fake without @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we might just have to coast along and hope that this thing peters out . ''

QAnon, the popular far right conspiracy cult, has been revealed to actually be a reverse I.Q. test created by the government. Originally designed to see what level of ridiculousness conservatives could get their base to subscribe to, the increasingly popular line of reasoning exposed a terrifying level of stupidity which triggered the change of focus.
QAnon was packaged and given a name once it was decided that it might be necessary to see just how selectively intelligent the far right had become. A list of incrementally more outlandish claims were created, and then disseminated through all of the standard portals used by "Q" (which was incidentally named after the James Bond character that worked for the nonexistent research and development branch of the British Secret Service who gave Bond progressively more and more ridiculous devices to use in his spy work) to see how many, and how deeply, followers would buy into them.
"We tried to make them progressively more ridiculous as we went on," an unnamed government source explained. "That was pretty difficult to do, since we led with 'Donald Trump is here to rescue you', but we were able to come up with some pretty outlandish stuff, and a lot of people seem to have bought into it."
It was also revealed that the full name is actually an acronym with A.n.o.n. each representing the level on this scale that measures reverse intelligence. The breakdown is as follows:
A. - Asinine - The highest level of intelligence that you can maintain while still subscribing to the initial tenets of the theory. Basically, if you believe that Donald Trump is doing anything in your best interests, you fall into this category. These people tended not to think that Tom Hanks was in control of any worldwide pedophile ring, but they still didn't like Joe vs. the Volcano, which does suggest some level of judgement.
n. - not smart - These are the people that do believe in the general concept that Hollywood is working with liberal government agents to launch a hostile takeover of the government. These individuals tend to believe that Tom Hanks is somehow involved, but they forgive him because they like Forrest Gump. Watching it makes them feel smarter.
o. - oblivious - This group was all in on the entire conspiracy theory, including all of the predictions that have not come to pass. They have been labeled "Clydesdales", for their apparent ability to move through life with blinders on that shield them from all potentially ego-threatening information reality provides. These people hate Tom Hanks because of his role in the Da Vinci Code, which celebrates a much more liberal conspiracy theory. They also tended to like the movie in spite of themselves, because of the inability to discern the difference between garbage from quality stimuli.
n. - nuts - The lowest level of selective intelligence a person could reach. These are the people that shoot up pizza joints, believe in baby-eating lizard people, and actively pursue the fake outcomes pushed by the zaniest aspects of the theory. These people love Tom Hanks for his representation of Mr. Rogers in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, showing a complete skewing of reality as they perceive it.
"The early results of the test have been troubling," the anonymous source stated. "We've had way more tests with ratings of "o" and even "n2 (the second n)" than we anticipated.
The department responsible for creating the initial conspiracy theory has shown second thoughts about continuing the project, but are not sure how to end it. "At this point, there are too many nutsos that really buy into this crap, and we aren't sure how to tell them it's fake without starting a second civil war, so we might just have to coast along and hope that this thing peters out."


thespoof--2020-10-28--President Trump Demands That Sacha Baron Cohen Release His Tax Records

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – Reports coming out of the White House are that Donald is @ @ @ @ @ Sacha Baron Cohen .
The soon-to-be-ex-president does not appreciate “ Borat ” making fun of @ @ @ @ @ , Eric Trump , himself , and especially Hope Hicks , his alleged ‘ side @ @ @ @ @ in a shameless example of the pot calling the kettle black , the “ Racist-in-Chief @ @ @ @ @ release his tax records .
Hollywood Innuendo reports that Cohen pulls no punches , as @ @ @ @ @ vulture vomit look cute .
The hit- ‘ em-below-the-belt comic noted that Trump has permanent @ @ @ @ @ , from the hundreds of times Kellyanne Conway kissed his industrial-sized ass .
Sacha commented @ @ @ @ @ not being his real son , reports coming out of the Manhattan hospital where Ivanka @ @ @ @ @ father ’ s name on her birth certificate is listed as one Mike Pence , @ @ @ @ @

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of the White House are that Donald is very upset at British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen.
The soon-to-be-ex-president does not appreciate “Borat” making fun of Rudy Giuliani, Kellyanne Conway, Eric Trump, himself, and especially Hope Hicks, his alleged ‘side piece’.
And, in a shameless example of the pot calling the kettle black, the “Racist-in-Chief” is demanding that Cohen release his tax records.
Hollywood Innuendo reports that Cohen pulls no punches, as he says that Giuliani makes vulture vomit look cute.
The hit-‘em-below-the-belt comic noted that Trump has permanent lip marks on his butt, from the hundreds of times Kellyanne Conway kissed his industrial-sized ass.
Sacha commented that, along with Eric not being his real son, reports coming out of the Manhattan hospital where Ivanka was born show that the father’s name on her birth certificate is listed as one Mike Pence, as in Vice-President Pence.


thespoof--2020-10-29--Adam Schiff refuses wrestling match with Bobulinski in Madison Square Gardens

Former business associate of Hunter Biden , Mr. Tony Bobulinski , yesterday invited Representative Schiff to a showdown and “ manly resolution ” .
“ In the old days , there was the duel , ” Mr. Bobulinski ( earlier an expert wrestler ) said .
“ Today ?
Well , how about The Gardens ? ''
Mr. Bobulinski is incensed over Adam Schiff 's accusation that `` The whole thing comes from the Kremlin.
” A Navy veteran and patriot , Mr. Bobulinski also previously had a top-secret clearance with the NSA and DOE .
Following his navy career @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with the Chinese and Hunter Biden , including his special knowledge about “ the big guy.
” The “ big guy ” turns out to be the former vice-president , now contender for the presidency November 3 .
Mr. Bobulinski implies the former VP was included in profits via his son , Hunter 's business dealings , and has been lying about it .
Meanwhile , John Ratcliffe , Director of National Intelligence , states the information on Hunter Biden 's laptop is part of Russia disinformation , and that meme is worn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to meet on the hard and musty surface of a wrestling ring has suddenly exploded .
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi suggests maybe a tag team is in order .
That is , she would join Mr. Schiff versus Mr. Bobulinski , if a partner of suitable status for the controversy could be found for the Navy vet .
“ Yes , '' he has said .
`` I would like my chance against the person who said I should -- let me quote exactly -- he said I should 'get out @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . '
” Mr. Putin is 5 ' 6 ” and weighs 152 pounds , while also an expert in judo , riding horse-back bare-chested , and other physical arts .
Ms. Pelosi is 5 ' 5 ” weighing in at 132 .
Mr. Schiff : “ Look , I 'm not in favor of these primitive displays of emotion -- give me a break ! ''
`` I might have said Putin is obviously not the Big Guy.
” Reporter : Joe Biden is indeed `` the big guy '' ?
Mr. @ @ @ @ @ @ @ big guy .
Putin is a little guy , not a big guy like Joe Biden ! ''
Mr. Putin is rumored to have said that up against Pelosi at least he would n't have to deal with “ the intensity of Mr. Schiff 's eyeballs.
” Meanwhile , MSM are greatly excited over these developments , and prefer the match to take place on Sunday , November 1 , as further advertising for the Biden cause and this year 's election .

Former business associate of Hunter Biden, Mr. Tony Bobulinski, yesterday invited Representative Schiff to a showdown and “manly resolution”.
“In the old days, there was the duel,” Mr. Bobulinski (earlier an expert wrestler) said. “Today? Well, how about The Gardens?"
Mr. Bobulinski is incensed over Adam Schiff's accusation that "The whole thing comes from the Kremlin.”
"Disgusting!" says Mr. Bobulinski.
A Navy veteran and patriot, Mr. Bobulinski also previously had a top-secret clearance with the NSA and DOE.
Following his navy career, he became involved in business deals with the Chinese and Hunter Biden, including his special knowledge about “the big guy.”
The “big guy” turns out to be the former vice-president, now contender for the presidency November 3.
Mr. Bobulinski implies the former VP was included in profits via his son, Hunter's business dealings, and has been lying about it.
Meanwhile, John Ratcliffe, Director of National Intelligence, states the information on Hunter Biden's laptop is not part of Russia disinformation, and that meme is worn out.
But Mr. Bobulinski's challenge to meet on the hard and musty surface of a wrestling ring has suddenly exploded.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi suggests maybe a tag team is in order.
That is, she would join Mr. Schiff versus Mr. Bobulinski, if a partner of suitable status for the controversy could be found for the Navy vet.
Enter Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, expressing his interest.
“Yes," he has said. "I would like my chance against the person who said I should--let me quote exactly--he said I should 'get out of that hole I'm walking in.'”
Mr. Putin is 5' 6” and weighs 152 pounds, while also an expert in judo, riding horse-back bare-chested, and other physical arts.
Ms. Pelosi is 5'5” weighing in at 132.
Mr. Schiff: “Look, I'm not in favor of these primitive displays of emotion--give me a break!"
"I might have said Putin is obviously not the Big Guy.”
Reporter: Joe Biden is indeed "the big guy"?
Mr. Schiff: "No, I meant a big guy. Putin is a little guy, not a big guy like Joe Biden!"
Mr. Putin is rumored to have said that up against Pelosi at least he wouldn't have to deal with “the intensity of Mr. Schiff's eyeballs.”
Meanwhile, MSM are greatly excited over these developments, and prefer the match to take place on Sunday, November 1, as further advertising for the Biden cause and this year's election.


thespoof--2020-10-29--Ivanka Trump Depressed – Placed on Suicide Watch

WASHINGTON , D.C. – ( Satire News ) – A highly reliable source from within the White Folks House says that the President is extremely concerned , as daughter Ivanka has become very depressed .
At first , the President passed it off as his little girl just being on her period .
He told his top adviser , Hope Hicks , that Ivanka , much like her , has very strong menstrual periods , and she like her , tends to bleed like a friggin faucet .
Hope agreed , but added that , this time , Ivanka is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ screams are literally setting off smoke alarms throughout the White House .
The White House staff is so concerned , that they have put Jared 's wife on suicide watch .
Melania , who is not too fond of Ivanka , chimed in and said that , in her native Slovenia , girls and women never complain about their periods .
She divulged that Slovenian women will even do the horizontal hokey pokey when they are having the strongest cramps , without batting an eye .
Meanwhile , the word on the street @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jared `` The Chump '' Kushner , as the blacks are now calling him , is really nothing but a younger effeminate version of Senator Lindsey “ Pantywaist ” Graham .

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A highly reliable source from within the White Folks House says that the President is extremely concerned, as daughter Ivanka has become very depressed.
At first, the President passed it off as his little girl just being on her period.
He told his top adviser, Hope Hicks, that Ivanka, much like her, has very strong menstrual periods, and she like her, tends to bleed like a friggin faucet.
Hope agreed, but added that, this time, Ivanka is having such horrific cramps, that her screams are literally setting off smoke alarms throughout the White House.
The White House staff is so concerned, that they have put Jared's wife on suicide watch.
Melania, who is not too fond of Ivanka, chimed in and said that, in her native Slovenia, girls and women never complain about their periods.
She divulged that Slovenian women will even do the horizontal hokey pokey when they are having the strongest cramps, without batting an eye.
Meanwhile, the word on the street is that Ivanka’s husband, Jared "The Chump" Kushner, as the blacks are now calling him, is really nothing but a younger effeminate version of Senator Lindsey “Pantywaist” Graham.


thespoof--2020-10-30--Ivanka Trump Birthday Latest

Ivanka Trump Birthday Latest

Happy Birthday to you !
Happy Birthday to you !
Hapy Birthday !
Happy Birthday !
Happy Birthday to you !
There were scenes of joy at the White House today , as President Trump 's favorite daughter , Ivanka , celebrated her birthday in style , with a huge cake , balloons , streamers , and all of her friends around for a special birthday party .
Ivanka , who is 39 today , has her birthday the day before Halloween every year , and woke early in anticipation of the day 's events , flying downstairs to see @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The President had bought her a 40-foot yacht , costing in the region of $ 16million , whilst , from her stepmom , she received the latest in the 'Barbie ' range - 'Slut Barbie ' .
About 3 o'clock , 'guests ' will start arriving for her Birthday Masked Ball , a sumptuous affair , complete with Fancy Dress and protective face garb .
A 10-tiered , strawberry and vanilla ream cake with 39 candles , will be the pièce de resistance , served after a dinner of mutton chops and gravy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The President will have his own private menu .
After the guests have eaten all they can manage , party games will be the order of the day , including Pin the Tail on the Donkey , Hunt the Thimble , and Musical Chairs , which the President , himself , will be playing on Tuesday .

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Hapy Birthday! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to you!
There were scenes of joy at the White House today, as President Trump's favorite daughter, Ivanka, celebrated her birthday in style, with a huge cake, balloons, streamers, and all of her friends around for a special birthday party.
Ivanka, who is 39 today, has her birthday the day before Halloween every year, and woke early in anticipation of the day's events, flying downstairs to see what birthday gifts she had received.
The President had bought her a 40-foot yacht, costing in the region of $16million, whilst, from her stepmom, she received the latest in the 'Barbie' range - 'Slut Barbie'.
Ivanka was thrilled.
About 3 o'clock, 'guests' will start arriving for her Birthday Masked Ball, a sumptuous affair, complete with Fancy Dress and protective face garb.
A 10-tiered, strawberry and vanilla ream cake with 39 candles, will be the pièce de resistance, served after a dinner of mutton chops and gravy, washed down with Diet Coke.
The President will have his own private menu.
After the guests have eaten all they can manage, party games will be the order of the day, including Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Hunt the Thimble, and Musical Chairs, which the President, himself, will be playing on Tuesday.


thespoof--2020-10-30--Intercept managers throw tantrum on Glenn Greenwald's report of Biden cluster-f*ck situation

The Intercept has clarified its editorial policies , following Glenn Greenwald 's sudden departure from that organization .
In essence , Mr. Greenwald `` used to be '' top-notch , but has fallen to new lows of self-serving and otherwise scratching his ass .
Screeching and snorting , according to anonymous janitorial sources at Intercept Headquarters , here is The Intercept rebuttal ( note no qualifications or explanations ) : Mr. Greenwald “ was attempting to recycle the dubious claims of a political campaign—the Trump campaign—and launder them as journalism.
” Likewise with no details , Mr. Biden has spoken @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as baseless , and “ a desperate last-minute effort to smear me and my family.
” However , these dubious claims include the “ serious problem ” of factual information that needs to be explained—versus simple denials .
Review of a few of these `` dubious claims '' ( aside from a certain laptop but space does not permit ) : *While still VP , Biden bragged how he would hold up a billion in arms money , unless a certain prosecutor in the Ukraine was fired .
*That prosecutor happened to be @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , a gas company , with Biden 's son , Hunter , having an executive position in that company .
*Hunter was pulling down between 50 to 82 thousand a month for that position , with his chief qualification that he could get close and personal with Joe .
*It is not yet clear his father was pocketing half of Hunter 's monthly salary .
*Hunter was also dealing with Chinese companies , involving recent whistle-blower Tony Bobulinski , and supplying introductions to “ the Big Guy ” Joe Biden .
*Mr. Biden @ @ @ @ @ @ @ business executives for these deals , and Mr. Bobulinski has been labeled another `` Russia disinformation agent . ''
*Mr. Bobulinski , a Navy veteran with security clearances who calls himself a patriot , says Joe Biden is lying .
Do these claims need further investigation ?
Greenwald 's position : Yes , they do .
But anonymous sources at Intercept offices report waste paper basket kicking , plus comments in response to these credibility problems in the Biden camp : “ All right , I mean so the F what ?
Do @ @ @ @ @ @ @ survive in this advertising—I mean news—business ?
” “ Greenwald , you f*ckin ' moron , who do you think pays our salaries around here ? '
“ Do n't give us this peerless , fearless reporting stuff , Greenie , old stick , and good luck with your blog or whatever you 'll do next.
” “ For Cheesus pities ' sakes , is n't it totally clear that Russia , again , is behind all this ? ''
“ Greenwald , get off your high horse !
” “ Investigate ?
@ @ @ @ @ @

The Intercept has clarified its editorial policies, following Glenn Greenwald's sudden departure from that organization.
In essence, Mr. Greenwald "used to be" top-notch, but has fallen to new lows of self-serving and otherwise scratching his ass.
Screeching and snorting, according to anonymous janitorial sources at Intercept Headquarters, here is The Intercept rebuttal (note no qualifications or explanations):
Mr. Greenwald “was attempting to recycle the dubious claims of a political campaign—the Trump campaign—and launder them as journalism.”
Likewise with no details, Mr. Biden has spoken of these same "dubious claims" as baseless, and “a desperate last-minute effort to smear me and my family.”
However, these dubious claims include the “serious problem” of factual information that needs to be explained—versus simple denials.
Review of a few of these "dubious claims" (aside from a certain laptop but space does not permit):
*While still VP, Biden bragged how he would hold up a billion in arms money, unless a certain prosecutor in the Ukraine was fired.
*That prosecutor happened to be looking into possible corruption at Burisma Holdings, a gas company, with Biden's son, Hunter, having an executive position in that company.
*Hunter was pulling down between 50 to 82 thousand a month for that position, with his chief qualification that he could get close and personal with Joe.
*It is not yet clear his father was pocketing half of Hunter's monthly salary.
*Hunter was also dealing with Chinese companies, involving recent whistle-blower Tony Bobulinski, and supplying introductions to “the Big Guy” Joe Biden.
*Mr. Biden has denied he ever met any Chinese business executives for these deals, and Mr. Bobulinski has been labeled another "Russia disinformation agent."
*Mr. Bobulinski, a Navy veteran with security clearances who calls himself a patriot, says Joe Biden is lying.
Do these claims need further investigation? Greenwald's position: Yes, they do.
But anonymous sources at Intercept offices report waste paper basket kicking, plus comments in response to these credibility problems in the Biden camp:
“All right, I mean so the F what? Don't we need to know how to survive in this advertising—I mean news—business?”
“Greenwald, you f*ckin' moron, who do you think pays our salaries around here?'
“Don't give us this peerless, fearless reporting stuff, Greenie, old stick, and good luck with your blog or whatever you'll do next.”
“For Cheesus pities' sakes, isn't it totally clear that Russia, again, is behind all this?"
“Greenwald, get off your high horse!”
“Investigate? Need we say more?”


America Disappears

The USA has completely disappeared .
Canada and Mexico awoke today to find no land connecting them .
Our correspondent in Tijuana , Sam Brero , says there were reports around the time of the US presidential election of one of the candidates dressed as a super-hero shouting , “ I ’ ll take this country anywhere I damn well like !
” , and then a sound not unlike a massive expulsion of bodily gas .
The Canadian prime minister said , “ It ’ ll be quieter , ” and then left for a conference behind closed doors @ @ @ @ @ @ @ within .
The Irish Prime Minister said , “ That ’ s what happens when you don ’ t respect the little people.
” There was gloom in Beijing , however , with the Central Committee saying , “ Who we gon na blame now ?
” The Russian president issued a short statement : “ We did not interfere , and I will always have fond memories of grainy black and white tapes of ‘ Happy Days ’ .
” A Scottish government spokesman said , “ Och , we ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shortbread directly to the Japanese .
I know a man in Milngarvie who speaks the language.
” The UK government expressed regret , but the owners retracted it : “ We are now in uncharted waters , and must not make remarks which might discourage investors.
” From Iran a ( translated ) proclamation read , “ The great Stan has fallen , ” but , when last seen , Stan was still serving at the bar of the Troll and Hacker .

The USA has completely disappeared. Canada and Mexico awoke today to find no land connecting them. Our correspondent in Tijuana, Sam Brero, says there were reports around the time of the US presidential election of one of the candidates dressed as a super-hero shouting, “I’ll take this country anywhere I damn well like!”, and then a sound not unlike a massive expulsion of bodily gas.
The Canadian prime minister said, “It’ll be quieter,” and then left for a conference behind closed doors. Laughter and cheers were heard from within. The Irish Prime Minister said, “That’s what happens when you don’t respect the little people.” There was gloom in Beijing, however, with the Central Committee saying, “Who we gonna blame now?” The Russian president issued a short statement: “We did not interfere, and I will always have fond memories of grainy black and white tapes of ‘Happy Days’.”
A Scottish government spokesman said, “Och, we’ll have tae start marketing tartan tins of shortbread directly to the Japanese. I know a man in Milngarvie who speaks the language.” The UK government expressed regret, but the owners retracted it: “We are now in uncharted waters, and must not make remarks which might discourage investors.” From Iran a (translated) proclamation read, “The great Stan has fallen,” but, when last seen, Stan was still serving at the bar of the Troll and Hacker.