csmonitor--2020-05-05--Another effect of the coronavirus crisis: Forgiveness

“ I told him I loved him at the end of the conversation , ” says Mr. Carleton , who says he cried with relief afterward .
“ I meant it.
” “ When the nurse told him that I was on the phone , I heard Dad say , ‘ Jeremy !
’ But it was a nice , surprised exclamation , ” says Mr. Carleton .
Once Mr. Carleton plucked up the courage to call , he felt a calmness he hadn ’ t experienced during previous interactions .
By stripping away the customs , comforts , and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ crisis has led people to reconsider what ’ s most important , and caused some to make efforts toward reconciliation or forgiveness .
But the coronavirus crisis hastened introspection .
“ Everyone has faults and I have many faults , ” he says .
“ Especially at this time of the world , I am trying to stop judging people .
And then you have to forgive them.
” “ I have always felt that he wanted to return me to the adoption agency because I was ‘ faulty , ’ ” says @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ I could never meet his high expectations.
” Jez Carleton told himself that he ’ d forgiven his adoptive father .
But his therapist disagreed .
When Mr. Carleton , a nanny in Melbourne , Australia , heard his father had been hospitalized with COVID-19 , he had to decide whether to reach out .
His father had expressed disappointment in his adopted son ’ s supposed lack of achievement .
The two men hadn ’ t spoken in six years .
When the COVID-19 shutdown started , Kristen Simpson ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ knows .
He ’ d separated from her mother when she was a baby , and was never around much after that , even after her mother died .
Battling a drug addiction , he ’ d ended up in jail .
Ms. Simpson admits that her response was “ really ugly ” the one time he tried to initiate contact when she was a young adult .
Editor ’ s note : As a public service , all our coronavirus coverage is free .
No paywall .
Thirteen years on , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ their relationship .
“ I don ’ t want another one of my parents to not be here , ” says Ms. Simpson , now an illustrator and mother in Fayetteville , Georgia .
“ We don ’ t know how much time we have to make things right in this coronavirus , knowing that he works for a job where he has to leave his house and safety.
” She was aware that her father , long clean of drugs , works as a pizza delivery man in Florida .
A few @ @ @ @ @ @ @ apologize for how she ’ d spurned him .
“ I was scared he was going to reject me , ” she says .
“ When we got on FaceTime together , his smile was just so bright .
We were mirrors of each other smiling at one another .
And it was a really good conversation.
” By stripping away the customs , comforts , and circumstances once taken for granted , the COVID-19 crisis has led people to reconsider what ’ s most important in their lives .
Many of them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of family – even if only at the other end of a phone line or video chat – is paramount .
Consequently , some individuals who have long been estranged from family members have made efforts toward reconciliation and forgiveness , or are considering it .
“ When people do cut off contact with a family member or a parent , in their own heart and mind , it may not be with the idea that it ’ s going to be permanent , ” says Joshua Coleman , a psychologist and author @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Estrangement.
” “ But the virus really shortens that timeline and provides a frame of ‘ Well , how would I feel if I never reconcile with this person ?
’ ” The variety of reasons for estrangement underscore Leo Tolstoy ’ s maxim that “ each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
” Some adults cut ties with parents or siblings who have been critical of their choice of spouse , their style of parenting , their sexuality , or their values .
Sometimes adult children need to declare independence @ @ @ @ @ @ @ abused them .
Then , too , say observers , a rise of individualism – particularly among millennials – has eroded traditional attachment to family .
“ There ’ s much more of an emphasis on ‘ What relationships make me feel happy or good and which ones don ’ t ?
’ ” says Dr. Coleman .
“ The idea that it ’ s an act of existential courage to cut off people from your life that don ’ t promote personal happiness , that ’ s a relatively new cultural concept.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ t a lot of self-help literature or academic study about estrangements between family members .
It ’ s been a largely closeted issue because of the stigma of admitting familial schisms to others .
However , a yet-to-be-published survey of 1,300 people conducted by Karl Pillemer , a professor of human development at Cornell University in Ithaca , New York , found that about a quarter of adult Americans have an active estrangement with a relative .
A series of follow-up interviews with around 300 of the random sample of respondents revealed that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ relationships , while the other 200 or so remained unreconciled with the other party .
“ As time goes on , it becomes more and more difficult to take that first step , ” says Professor Pillemer , sociologist and author of the upcoming book “ Fault Lines : Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.
” “ What the current pandemic does is it offers that kind of an opportunity .
Now it ’ s a logical time for a low-risk outreach of ‘ How are you doing ?
’ ” Since @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Professor Pillemer says several people in his personal network have reached out to him to share stories of how they have reconciled .
They include a father and daughter who hadn ’ t talked for two years because of political differences and sisters who ’ d been distant for decades .
Dr. Pillemer has also heard stories from strangers .
Daniela Dawson was in her 20s when she cut herself off from her family in 2007 .
Growing up sandwiched between two brothers , Ms. Dawson says the close family was enmeshed with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ She began to feel judged by the others .
“ It ’ s not unusual for my family to talk about feelings – that ’ s probably why it ’ s so easy for us to get them hurt , ” says Ms. Dawson , a data scientist who lives in Lake Forest , Illinois .
Ms. Dawson credits her persistent mother and youngest brother for reestablishing their relationships some years ago .
But she ’ d been unwilling to reconcile with her older brother .
The married mother of four imagined funeral @ @ @ @ @ @ @ without ever talking to him again .
Until the COVID-19 crisis , she thought she was OK with that .
When Ms. Dawson ’ s mother mentioned that her oldest son had asked how his sister was holding up , something in her shifted .
She called her brother .
“ The first thing we did was just talk about what we ’ ve missed out on , ” she says , laughing .
“ Both of us , just immediately , kind of were like , ‘ This was silly.
’ ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ other almost every day .
Those who ’ ve either reconciled with or forgiven others often talk about feeling as if a burdensome weight had been lifted off them .
Their experience was one of learning something about themselves .
That ’ s often led to improvements in other relationships , including romantic ones .
Dr. Pillemer ’ s interviews also revealed that those who ’ d made efforts toward reconciliation said it was a powerful engine for personal growth .
Overcoming that big challenge equipped them to tackle other limitations .
For @ @ @ @ @ @ @ father has given her a new perspective on other areas of life , including the strength to set aside a lifelong debilitating fear of spiders that has affected her ability to spend time outdoors .
She ’ s also now eager to take her family to visit her father once travel becomes possible again .
“ Our whole household is at a balance that we haven ’ t had before , ” she says .
Still , people who reconcile need to think through all the ramifications first , Dr. Pillemer and others @ @ @ @ @ @ @ reconciled also say extraordinary grace is required .
“ The first thing is , are you making this decision from a strong place or a place of fear ?
” says Becca Bland , whose series of online workshops for adult children , “ COVID-19 and Family Estrangement , ” have quickly filled up in the past month .
“ The second thing is also understanding that if it ’ s going to be reconciliation , it ’ s not just going to be you reconciling .
It ’ s ‘ we ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to have to change and move for it to work.
” Some counselors encourage patients to look for the kernel of truth in the other person ’ s complaint .
That doesn ’ t mean relinquishing the integrity of one ’ s own experience , but it does help build one side of the bridge .
Following her own reconciliation experience , Ms. Dawson says that she now realizes that her family members weren ’ t malicious or trying to hurt her .
But her youthful insecurities meant that she began to develop @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her life rather than reveal vulnerability and address the situation directly .
It was the sincerity of her family ’ s outreach that spoke to her .
“ Nothing is more compelling to another person than when we say , ‘ I failed you , or I hurt you , or I damaged you , ’ ” says Dr. Coleman , whose practice centers on parents whose children have cut ties with them .
“ Sometimes parents will protest , ‘ Well , I ’ m not going to humiliate myself with my @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s not humiliation , it ’ s humility.
” What people often grapple with , too , is how to forgive – which can look different and happen at a different pace for everyone , counselors say .
“ Forgiveness does not mean that reconciliation is necessary , ” says Dr .
Bland , founder of Stand Alone , a U.K. nonprofit that supports adults who aren ’ t in contact with their parents .
“ Forgiveness is about leaving something behind .
It ’ s about letting it go out of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it was right , what happened .
... And it ’ s not saying that you could ever stomach risking anything like that ever happening again.
” In Ms. Dawson ’ s experience , letting go of her grudging feelings toward her older sibling required her to be honest with herself .
“ I was like , ‘ I don ’ t wish harm upon my brother .
I don ’ t go out of my way to be mean to him.
’ So that must be forgiveness , ” she says .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ You ’ re still holding on to that resentment.
” Similarly , Jez Carleton told himself that he ’ d forgiven the adoptive father he was estranged from .
But his therapist disagreed .
When Mr. Carleton , who is employed as a nanny in Melbourne , Australia , heard that his father had been hospitalized with COVID-19 , he had to decide whether or not to reach out .
He says his father has long expressed disappointment in his adopted son ’ s supposed lack of achievement and success .
The two @ @ @ @ @ @ @ years .
Since 1999 , they ’ ve only had three conversations .
“ I have always felt that he wanted to return me to the adoption agency because I was ‘ faulty , ’ ” says Mr. Carleton , who is gay .
“ I could never meet his high expectations.
” But the coronavirus crisis hastened introspection .
“ Everyone has faults and I have many faults , ” he says .
“ Especially at this time of the world , I am trying to stop judging people .
And then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Mr. Carleton plucked up the courage to call his father in a hospital in Sydney , he felt a calmness he hadn ’ t experienced during previous interactions .
“ When the nurse told him that I was on the phone , I heard Dad say ‘ Jeremy !
’ But it was a nice , surprised exclamation , ” says Mr. Carleton , who says the conversation went so well that he intends to travel to Sydney to see his father now that he ’ s been released from the hospital .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ at the end of the conversation , ” says Mr. Carleton , who says he cried with relief afterward .
“ I meant it.
” Editor ’ s note : As a public service , all our coronavirus coverage is free .
No paywall .

“I told him I loved him at the end of the conversation,” says Mr. Carleton, who says he cried with relief afterward. “I meant it.”
“When the nurse told him that I was on the phone, I heard Dad say, ‘Jeremy!’ But it was a nice, surprised exclamation,” says Mr. Carleton.
Once Mr. Carleton plucked up the courage to call, he felt a calmness he hadn’t experienced during previous interactions.
By stripping away the customs, comforts, and circumstances once taken for granted, the crisis has led people to reconsider what’s most important, and caused some to make efforts toward reconciliation or forgiveness.
But the coronavirus crisis hastened introspection. “Everyone has faults and I have many faults,” he says. “Especially at this time of the world, I am trying to stop judging people. And then you have to forgive them.”
When faced with a pandemic, do people become more forgiving? For some, this has become a time to prioritize reconciling with estranged family members.
“I have always felt that he wanted to return me to the adoption agency because I was ‘faulty,’” says Mr. Carleton, who is gay. “I could never meet his high expectations.”
Jez Carleton told himself that he’d forgiven his adoptive father. But his therapist disagreed. When Mr. Carleton, a nanny in Melbourne, Australia, heard his father had been hospitalized with COVID-19, he had to decide whether to reach out. His father had expressed disappointment in his adopted son’s supposed lack of achievement. The two men hadn’t spoken in six years.
When the COVID-19 shutdown started, Kristen Simpson’s thoughts turned to the father she barely knows.
He’d separated from her mother when she was a baby, and was never around much after that, even after her mother died. Battling a drug addiction, he’d ended up in jail. Ms. Simpson admits that her response was “really ugly” the one time he tried to initiate contact when she was a young adult.
Editor’s note: As a public service, all our coronavirus coverage is free. No paywall.
Why We Wrote This When faced with a pandemic, do people become more forgiving? For some, this has become a time to prioritize reconciling with estranged family members.
Thirteen years on, the arrival of the pandemic made her reevaluate their relationship. “I don’t want another one of my parents to not be here,” says Ms. Simpson, now an illustrator and mother in Fayetteville, Georgia. “We don’t know how much time we have to make things right in this coronavirus, knowing that he works for a job where he has to leave his house and safety.”
She was aware that her father, long clean of drugs, works as a pizza delivery man in Florida. A few weeks ago, she cold-called him to apologize for how she’d spurned him.
“I was scared he was going to reject me,” she says. “When we got on FaceTime together, his smile was just so bright. We were mirrors of each other smiling at one another. And it was a really good conversation.”
By stripping away the customs, comforts, and circumstances once taken for granted, the COVID-19 crisis has led people to reconsider what’s most important in their lives. Many of them have concluded that the security and affection of family – even if only at the other end of a phone line or video chat – is paramount. Consequently, some individuals who have long been estranged from family members have made efforts toward reconciliation and forgiveness, or are considering it.
“When people do cut off contact with a family member or a parent, in their own heart and mind, it may not be with the idea that it’s going to be permanent,” says Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and author of the upcoming book “Rules of Estrangement.” “But the virus really shortens that timeline and provides a frame of ‘Well, how would I feel if I never reconcile with this person?’”
Shift in emphasis
The variety of reasons for estrangement underscore Leo Tolstoy’s maxim that “each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Some adults cut ties with parents or siblings who have been critical of their choice of spouse, their style of parenting, their sexuality, or their values. Sometimes adult children need to declare independence from parents who have either coddled or abused them. Then, too, say observers, a rise of individualism – particularly among millennials – has eroded traditional attachment to family.
“There’s much more of an emphasis on ‘What relationships make me feel happy or good and which ones don’t?’” says Dr. Coleman. “The idea that it’s an act of existential courage to cut off people from your life that don’t promote personal happiness, that’s a relatively new cultural concept.”
Dede Hatch/Courtesy of Dr. Karl Pillemer View caption Hide caption Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, has estimated that about a quarter of adult Americans have an active estrangement with a relative.
Until recently, there wasn’t a lot of self-help literature or academic study about estrangements between family members. It’s been a largely closeted issue because of the stigma of admitting familial schisms to others. However, a yet-to-be-published survey of 1,300 people conducted by Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, found that about a quarter of adult Americans have an active estrangement with a relative. A series of follow-up interviews with around 300 of the random sample of respondents revealed that roughly 100 of them had mended the relationships, while the other 200 or so remained unreconciled with the other party.
“As time goes on, it becomes more and more difficult to take that first step,” says Professor Pillemer, sociologist and author of the upcoming book “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.” “What the current pandemic does is it offers that kind of an opportunity. Now it’s a logical time for a low-risk outreach of ‘How are you doing?’”
A time for reaching out
Since the onset of the coronavirus crisis, Professor Pillemer says several people in his personal network have reached out to him to share stories of how they have reconciled. They include a father and daughter who hadn’t talked for two years because of political differences and sisters who’d been distant for decades.
Dr. Pillemer has also heard stories from strangers. Daniela Dawson was in her 20s when she cut herself off from her family in 2007. Growing up sandwiched between two brothers, Ms. Dawson says the close family was enmeshed with each other. Too much so. She began to feel judged by the others.
“It’s not unusual for my family to talk about feelings – that’s probably why it’s so easy for us to get them hurt,” says Ms. Dawson, a data scientist who lives in Lake Forest, Illinois.
Courtesy of Daniela Dawson View caption Hide caption Daniela Dawson with her husband, Edward Dawson, and son, Evan.
Ms. Dawson credits her persistent mother and youngest brother for reestablishing their relationships some years ago. But she’d been unwilling to reconcile with her older brother. The married mother of four imagined funeral scenarios in which she’d died without ever talking to him again. Until the COVID-19 crisis, she thought she was OK with that. When Ms. Dawson’s mother mentioned that her oldest son had asked how his sister was holding up, something in her shifted. She called her brother.
“The first thing we did was just talk about what we’ve missed out on,” she says, laughing. “Both of us, just immediately, kind of were like, ‘This was silly.’” Now they’re video calling each other almost every day.
Those who’ve either reconciled with or forgiven others often talk about feeling as if a burdensome weight had been lifted off them. Their experience was one of learning something about themselves. That’s often led to improvements in other relationships, including romantic ones. Dr. Pillemer’s interviews also revealed that those who’d made efforts toward reconciliation said it was a powerful engine for personal growth. Overcoming that big challenge equipped them to tackle other limitations.
For Ms. Simpson, the reconciliation with her father has given her a new perspective on other areas of life, including the strength to set aside a lifelong debilitating fear of spiders that has affected her ability to spend time outdoors. She’s also now eager to take her family to visit her father once travel becomes possible again. “Our whole household is at a balance that we haven’t had before,” she says.
Careful consideration and humility
Still, people who reconcile need to think through all the ramifications first, Dr. Pillemer and others note. Therapists and those who have reconciled also say extraordinary grace is required.
“The first thing is, are you making this decision from a strong place or a place of fear?” says Becca Bland, whose series of online workshops for adult children, “COVID-19 and Family Estrangement,” have quickly filled up in the past month. “The second thing is also understanding that if it’s going to be reconciliation, it’s not just going to be you reconciling. It’s ‘we’ and everybody in that situation is going to have to change and move for it to work.”
Some counselors encourage patients to look for the kernel of truth in the other person’s complaint. That doesn’t mean relinquishing the integrity of one’s own experience, but it does help build one side of the bridge.
Courtesy of Daniela Dawson View caption Hide caption Daniela Dawson with her oldest brother Kenly Sommers (left), from whom she had been estranged, and her youngest brother, Josue Sommers. At the time of the photo, Kenly was 23, Daniela was 20, and Josue was 18.
Following her own reconciliation experience, Ms. Dawson says that she now realizes that her family members weren’t malicious or trying to hurt her. But her youthful insecurities meant that she began to develop a pattern of cutting people out of her life rather than reveal vulnerability and address the situation directly. It was the sincerity of her family’s outreach that spoke to her.
“Nothing is more compelling to another person than when we say, ‘I failed you, or I hurt you, or I damaged you,’” says Dr. Coleman, whose practice centers on parents whose children have cut ties with them. “Sometimes parents will protest, ‘Well, I’m not going to humiliate myself with my own child.’ My perspective is it’s not humiliation, it’s humility.”
Weighing forgiveness
What people often grapple with, too, is how to forgive – which can look different and happen at a different pace for everyone, counselors say.
“Forgiveness does not mean that reconciliation is necessary,” says Dr. Bland, founder of Stand Alone, a U.K. nonprofit that supports adults who aren’t in contact with their parents. “Forgiveness is about leaving something behind. It’s about letting it go out of view. It’s not saying it was right, what happened. ... And it’s not saying that you could ever stomach risking anything like that ever happening again.”
In Ms. Dawson’s experience, letting go of her grudging feelings toward her older sibling required her to be honest with herself.
“I was like, ‘I don’t wish harm upon my brother. I don’t go out of my way to be mean to him.’ So that must be forgiveness,” she says. “That’s not forgiving. You’re still holding on to that resentment.”
Similarly, Jez Carleton told himself that he’d forgiven the adoptive father he was estranged from. But his therapist disagreed. When Mr. Carleton, who is employed as a nanny in Melbourne, Australia, heard that his father had been hospitalized with COVID-19, he had to decide whether or not to reach out. He says his father has long expressed disappointment in his adopted son’s supposed lack of achievement and success. The two men hadn’t spoken in six years. Since 1999, they’ve only had three conversations.
“I have always felt that he wanted to return me to the adoption agency because I was ‘faulty,’” says Mr. Carleton, who is gay. “I could never meet his high expectations.”
But the coronavirus crisis hastened introspection. “Everyone has faults and I have many faults,” he says. “Especially at this time of the world, I am trying to stop judging people. And then you have to forgive them.”
Once Mr. Carleton plucked up the courage to call his father in a hospital in Sydney, he felt a calmness he hadn’t experienced during previous interactions.
“When the nurse told him that I was on the phone, I heard Dad say ‘Jeremy!’ But it was a nice, surprised exclamation,” says Mr. Carleton, who says the conversation went so well that he intends to travel to Sydney to see his father now that he’s been released from the hospital.
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“I told him I loved him at the end of the conversation,” says Mr. Carleton, who says he cried with relief afterward. “I meant it.”
Editor’s note: As a public service, all our coronavirus coverage is free. No paywall.


csmonitor--2020-04-15--What if curators were teens? Museums try it.

“ This institution is 150 years old .
And so what does that mean for young people ?
Where do young people belong in such an old institution ?
” says Layla Bermeo , an associate curator at the MFA .
“ This project really tried to argue that young people belong in the center.
” “ Black Histories , Black Futures ” is the museum ’ s first exhibition curated entirely by high school students .
It is the culmination of a partnership with local youth empowerment organizations , and reflects a growing trend , one that has museums @ @ @ @ @ @ @ diverse population within the field of fine art .
( The MFA is currently closed , but a “ Making of ” video about the exhibition is available online . )
Jadon Smith wanted viewers to “ see the beauty in blackness , ” but he also wanted to inspire young people to consider careers in the art world .
He says if he could do it – with no art experience – then so can they .
“ I ’ m a city kid , just like them , ” he says @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was asked to curate an exhibition about black artists at Boston ’ s Museum of Fine Arts , the group chose to focus on the plurality of black experiences .
Jadon Smith steps closer to his favorite painting by Archibald Motley , carefully examining the details he ’ s looked at many times before , a smile from ear to ear .
At the center of the piece , five elegant women dressed in their Sunday best sit in a restaurant .
One woman , hidden in the background , catches his attention @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the whole entire painting , ” says Jadon , a junior at John D. O ’ Bryant School of Mathematics and Science , during a visit to Boston ’ s Museum of Fine Arts in early March .
“ They ’ re supposed to be there to be seen .
Don ’ t ignore them .
Notice that they ’ re there , appreciate the fact that they ’ re there.
” Jadon is one of six local teens selected to craft “ Black Histories , Black Futures ” – the museum ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ school students .
The MFA ’ s exhibition , the culmination of a partnership with local youth empowerment organizations , reflects a growing trend , one that has museums working to engage and represent a more diverse population within the field of fine art .
Including young people in the curation process not only trains the next generation of curators , say museum staffers , but it also helps aging institutions display refreshing and inclusive exhibitions inspired by the young curators ’ own experiences .
“ This institution is 150 years old .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ young people ?
Where do young people belong in such an old institution ?
” says Layla Bermeo , an associate curator at the MFA .
“ This project really tried to argue that young people belong in the center.
” Engaging teens across the U.S .
Some museums are connecting directly with high schools to include students .
The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art , for example , partners with two high schools for its young curators program , according to Julie Charles , director of education at SFMOMA .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s Museum of Contemporary Art has been so successful that the museum restructured its building to include a glass room at its center so the public can see how the students are being taught .
( While the museum is currently closed , the teens have been using the MCA ’ s Instagram account to highlight local artists and designers . )
The Cleveland Museum of Art has a teen curation team called Currently Under Curation that creates exhibits for both the museum and local libraries .
“ I think at least the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ we need to take action in order to really change things , ” says Melissa Higgins-Linder , director of learning and engagement at the Cleveland Museum of Art .
Calling the programs a first step , she says she hopes the field is “ recognizing the real and true value of those perspectives and not just paying lip service to them.
” The current opportunities build on ongoing efforts .
In 1993 , the Getty Foundation in Los Angeles founded the Getty Marrow Undergraduate Internships initiative .
Since then , the program has @ @ @ @ @ @ @ communities .
The Andrew W. Mellon Foundation in New York has funded undergraduate curatorial fellowship programs at a number of American art museums since 2013 .
In 2017 , the Ford Foundation and the Walton Family Foundation also partnered to launch an initiative in which 20 museums across the country received grants to support the diversification of staff and leadership .
“ For museum professionals that are supervising the interns , it provides them with new perspectives , another voice that can be represented at their institutions , ” says Selene Preciado , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Along with mentoring and guiding the students , the opportunity also helps in diversifying the field , she says .
“ It ’ s a slow process .
But fortunately , because we ’ ve been around for such a long time , we are able to see the fruits of that.
” In Boston , “ Black Histories , Black Futures ” highlights works by well-known 20th-century artists of color , as well as local artists , some presented in the MFA for the first time .
Besides the opportunity to offer @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the exhibit is a way for the MFA to fulfill a goal of being welcoming and inclusive – an aim that took a hit last spring when a group of minority students said they were harassed by security officers during their first visit to the museum .
In creating “ Black Histories , Black Futures ” the student curators had a lot of freedom .
The only prerequisite was to showcase black artists , says Ms. Bermeo .
The interns decided to make sure they were portraying the plurality of black experiences .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ to “ see the beauty in blackness , ” but he also wants to inspire young people to consider careers in the art world .
He says if he could do it – with no art experience – then so can they .
“ I ’ m a city kid , just like them , ” he says .
All the pieces in “ Black History , Black Future ” focus on powerful images of black communities .
“ It ’ s a completely different kind of exhibition , ” says Ms. Bermeo @ @ @ @ @ @ @ types of objects that this group of young people wanted to see here in the museum , works of art that reflected their experiences versus maybe a kind of more art historical one that would grow out of one of my projects or one of the other curators ’ projects here at the museum.
” The works in the exhibit – which is expected to run through June 20 , 2021 , though the MFA is currently closed due to the coronavirus outbreak – are drawn largely from the MFA ’ s own @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Museum of the National Center for Afro-American Artists .
( Some of the pieces can be seen in a “ Making of ” video on the museum ’ s website . )
The exhibit is divided into four thematic sections : “ Ubuntu : I Am Because You Are , ” celebrating the black community ; “ Welcome to the City , ” focusing on urban scenes ; and “ Normality Facing Adversity ” and “ Smile in the Dark ” both focusing on images of dignified black families before and after the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ great visual chroniclers of 20th-century America , Motley – who painted Jadon ’ s favorite , titled “ Cocktails ” – was known for depicting the blossoming of black social life and jazz culture in vibrant city scenes .
“ To me [ “ Cocktails ” ] was the embodiment of just Ubuntu itself , just community building , showing that there ’ s more to black culture than just the civil rights movements , ” says Jadon .
“ That shouldn ’ t be the first thing to pop in your head @ @

“This institution is 150 years old. And so what does that mean for young people? Where do young people belong in such an old institution?” says Layla Bermeo, an associate curator at the MFA. “This project really tried to argue that young people belong in the center.”
“Black Histories, Black Futures” is the museum’s first exhibition curated entirely by high school students. It is the culmination of a partnership with local youth empowerment organizations, and reflects a growing trend, one that has museums working to engage and represent a more diverse population within the field of fine art. (The MFA is currently closed, but a “Making of” video about the exhibition is available online.)
What role can young people play in the future of museums? As arts organizations look ahead, incorporating diverse views is becoming more of a priority.
Jadon Smith wanted viewers to “see the beauty in blackness,” but he also wanted to inspire young people to consider careers in the art world. He says if he could do it – with no art experience – then so can they. “I’m a city kid, just like them,” he says.
When a group of young people was asked to curate an exhibition about black artists at Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts, the group chose to focus on the plurality of black experiences.
Jadon Smith steps closer to his favorite painting by Archibald Motley, carefully examining the details he’s looked at many times before, a smile from ear to ear. At the center of the piece, five elegant women dressed in their Sunday best sit in a restaurant. One woman, hidden in the background, catches his attention.
“Women are the centerpiece of the whole entire painting,” says Jadon, a junior at John D. O’Bryant School of Mathematics and Science, during a visit to Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts in early March. “They’re supposed to be there to be seen. Don’t ignore them. Notice that they’re there, appreciate the fact that they’re there.”
The John Axelrod Collection/Frank B. Bemis Fund, Charles H. Bayley Fund, and the Heritage Fund for a Diverse Collection/Courtesy of The MFA View caption Hide caption “Cocktails” by Archibald Motley is an oil on canvas painting from about 1926. Motley was known for depicting the blossoming of black social life.
Jadon is one of six local teens selected to craft “Black Histories, Black Futures” – the museum’s first exhibition curated entirely by high school students. The MFA’s exhibition, the culmination of a partnership with local youth empowerment organizations, reflects a growing trend, one that has museums working to engage and represent a more diverse population within the field of fine art. Including young people in the curation process not only trains the next generation of curators, say museum staffers, but it also helps aging institutions display refreshing and inclusive exhibitions inspired by the young curators’ own experiences.
Why We Wrote This What role can young people play in the future of museums? As arts organizations look ahead, incorporating diverse views is becoming more of a priority.
“This institution is 150 years old. And so what does that mean for young people? Where do young people belong in such an old institution?” says Layla Bermeo, an associate curator at the MFA. “This project really tried to argue that young people belong in the center.”
Engaging teens across the U.S.
Some museums are connecting directly with high schools to include students. The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, for example, partners with two high schools for its young curators program, according to Julie Charles, director of education at SFMOMA. The Teen Creative Agency program at Chicago’s Museum of Contemporary Art has been so successful that the museum restructured its building to include a glass room at its center so the public can see how the students are being taught. (While the museum is currently closed, the teens have been using the MCA’s Instagram account to highlight local artists and designers.) The Cleveland Museum of Art has a teen curation team called Currently Under Curation that creates exhibits for both the museum and local libraries.
“I think at least the field is acknowledging it and understanding that we need to take action in order to really change things,” says Melissa Higgins-Linder, director of learning and engagement at the Cleveland Museum of Art. Calling the programs a first step, she says she hopes the field is “recognizing the real and true value of those perspectives and not just paying lip service to them.”
The current opportunities build on ongoing efforts. In 1993, the Getty Foundation in Los Angeles founded the Getty Marrow Undergraduate Internships initiative. Since then, the program has involved more than 3,000 interns from underrepresented communities. The Andrew W. Mellon Foundation in New York has funded undergraduate curatorial fellowship programs at a number of American art museums since 2013. In 2017, the Ford Foundation and the Walton Family Foundation also partnered to launch an initiative in which 20 museums across the country received grants to support the diversification of staff and leadership.
“For museum professionals that are supervising the interns, it provides them with new perspectives, another voice that can be represented at their institutions,” says Selene Preciado, program assistant at the Getty Foundation. Along with mentoring and guiding the students, the opportunity also helps in diversifying the field, she says. “It’s a slow process. But fortunately, because we’ve been around for such a long time, we are able to see the fruits of that.”
In Boston, “Black Histories, Black Futures” highlights works by well-known 20th-century artists of color, as well as local artists, some presented in the MFA for the first time. Besides the opportunity to offer something new for its 150th anniversary, the exhibit is a way for the MFA to fulfill a goal of being welcoming and inclusive – an aim that took a hit last spring when a group of minority students said they were harassed by security officers during their first visit to the museum.
Shared experiences
In creating “Black Histories, Black Futures” the student curators had a lot of freedom. The only prerequisite was to showcase black artists, says Ms. Bermeo. The interns decided to make sure they were portraying the plurality of black experiences.
Jadon, for example, wants viewers to “see the beauty in blackness,” but he also wants to inspire young people to consider careers in the art world. He says if he could do it – with no art experience – then so can they. “I’m a city kid, just like them,” he says.
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All the pieces in “Black History, Black Future” focus on powerful images of black communities. “It’s a completely different kind of exhibition,” says Ms. Bermeo. “This one really centers the types of objects that this group of young people wanted to see here in the museum, works of art that reflected their experiences versus maybe a kind of more art historical one that would grow out of one of my projects or one of the other curators’ projects here at the museum.”
Melanie Stetson Freeman/Staff View caption Hide caption An oil painting from 1939 by Allan Rohan Crite, titled “At the Tremont Street Car Barns,” is included in the exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts Boston, though the building is currently closed.
The works in the exhibit – which is expected to run through June 20, 2021, though the MFA is currently closed due to the coronavirus outbreak – are drawn largely from the MFA’s own collection, supplemented by loans from the Museum of the National Center for Afro-American Artists. (Some of the pieces can be seen in a “Making of” video on the museum’s website.) The exhibit is divided into four thematic sections: “Ubuntu: I Am Because You Are,” celebrating the black community; “Welcome to the City,” focusing on urban scenes; and “Normality Facing Adversity” and “Smile in the Dark” both focusing on images of dignified black families before and after the civil rights movement.
One of the great visual chroniclers of 20th-century America, Motley – who painted Jadon’s favorite, titled “Cocktails” – was known for depicting the blossoming of black social life and jazz culture in vibrant city scenes. “To me [“Cocktails”] was the embodiment of just Ubuntu itself, just community building, showing that there’s more to black culture than just the civil rights movements,” says Jadon. “That shouldn’t be the first thing to pop in your head.”


csmonitor--2020-04-22--Home theater: Escape into the joyous world of musicals

If a consistent supply of joy is what you seek , no other movie genre surpasses the movie musical .
Yes , I know , there are dark musicals , great ones even – like “ Cabaret ” and “ Pennies From Heaven.
” And , yes , even the frothiest musicals sometimes have sorrowful scenes .
But it ’ s no accident that historically audiences have turned to musicals when times were especially tough .
The early films of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers , for example , are synonymous with Depression-era escapism .
Who would not want to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The good news , of course , is that we still can .
The backlog of joyous movie musicals is so vast and accessible that a single column can not begin to suggest the riches that await you .
Keep an eye on this column for more recommendations .
Editor ’ s note : As a public service , all our coronavirus coverage is free .
No paywall .
Shot in eye-popping Technicolor , Vincente Minnelli ’ s 1944 masterpiece “ Meet Me in St. Louis , ” released in the midst of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , is simply one of the finest and most beloved musicals ever made .
It even outgrossed “ The Wizard of Oz.
” Derived from Sally Benson ’ s bestseller , the story is situated in St. Louis over the course of a year and is divided into four vignettes starting in the summer of 1903 and concluding in the spring of 1904 .
The centerpiece is the well-to-do Smith family .
On the surface they appear to enjoy all the comforts of an idealized rural Americana as only Hollywood can depict .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ patriarch , has a dutiful wife , Anna ( Mary Astor ) , a son , and four daughters , including Esther ( Garland ) , the second oldest , and 6-year-old Tootie ( the amazing Margaret O ’ Brien ) , the youngest .
Esther is in love with literally the boy next door , John ( Tom Drake ) , who is too clueless to comprehend her coy ardor .
He compliments her choice of perfume , saying it ’ s the same his grandmother uses .
Shaking hands goodnight , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a mighty strong grip for a girl.
” The film ’ s central antagonist is not a person but a city – New York , where Alonzo ’ s banking business is being transferred , causing much consternation and heartbreak among his brood .
O ’ Brien gives what may be the best performance by a child actor in Hollywood history .
She ’ s preternaturally good , so much so that she even steals her scenes with Garland .
No small feat , since Garland is close to her best here .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ often carried an edge of hysteria even in roles where it wasn ’ t required .
But in this film , she ’ s unabashedly normal .
She ’ s also in beautiful voice .
Her rendition of the Hugh Martin-Ralph Blane “ Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas , ” sung to a bereft Tootie , is one of her most soulful moments , and the songwriting team ’ s “ The Trolley Song ” – “ Zing zing zing went my heartstrings !
” – is among her most jubilant .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ a senior citizen ’ s home and when this scene came on , people who I was told rarely spoke anymore suddenly broke into song .
This was incredibly moving to witness – a testament to the power of movies to uplift .
( Unrated ) Of all the Astaire-Rogers movies , “ Top Hat ” ( 1935 ) , with songs by Irving Berlin , is my favorite .
( “ Swing Time ” is a close second . )
The plot is one of those mistaken identity concoctions that never made @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to .
Who needs a pretext to watch Fred and Ginger ?
Their number , “ Isn ’ t This a Lovely Day , ” danced in a deserted bandstand in London during a thunderstorm , is matched later on by the ineffable “ Cheek to Cheek , ” set in an Art Deco Venice .
Fred tap-tap-tapping during “ Top Hat , White Tie and Tails ” is an artful explosion of the highest order .
( Unrated ) “ Oliver !
” ( 1968 ) won a well-deserved Oscar for best @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Director Carol Reed , best known for the Graham Greene scripted noir thriller “ The Third Man , ” had a true artist ’ s affinity for childhood revels and terrors , and his work with the cast , including Mark Lester as Oliver and Ron Moody as Fagin , is exemplary .
Derived from the Lionel Bart stage production , it ’ s not just a great movie musical , it ’ s also one of the greatest of all Charles Dickens adaptations .
( Rated G ) These films are @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Prime Video , YouTube , Google Play , and iTunes .

If a consistent supply of joy is what you seek, no other movie genre surpasses the movie musical. Yes, I know, there are dark musicals, great ones even – like “Cabaret” and “Pennies From Heaven.” And, yes, even the frothiest musicals sometimes have sorrowful scenes. But it’s no accident that historically audiences have turned to musicals when times were especially tough. The early films of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, for example, are synonymous with Depression-era escapism. Who would not want to step into such an elating realm?
The good news, of course, is that we still can. The backlog of joyous movie musicals is so vast and accessible that a single column cannot begin to suggest the riches that await you. Keep an eye on this column for more recommendations.
Editor’s note: As a public service, all our coronavirus coverage is free. No paywall.
Why We Wrote This Audiences have often turned to musicals when times are especially tough. The early films of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, for example, are synonymous with Depression-era escapism, notes film critic Peter Rainer. As he sees it, “Who would not want to step into such an elating realm?”
“Meet Me in St. Louis”
Shot in eye-popping Technicolor, Vincente Minnelli’s 1944 masterpiece “Meet Me in St. Louis,” released in the midst of World War II and starring Judy Garland, is simply one of the finest and most beloved musicals ever made. It even outgrossed “The Wizard of Oz.”
Derived from Sally Benson’s bestseller, the story is situated in St. Louis over the course of a year and is divided into four vignettes starting in the summer of 1903 and concluding in the spring of 1904. The centerpiece is the well-to-do Smith family. On the surface they appear to enjoy all the comforts of an idealized rural Americana as only Hollywood can depict. Alonzo (Leon Ames), the patriarch, has a dutiful wife, Anna (Mary Astor), a son, and four daughters, including Esther (Garland), the second oldest, and 6-year-old Tootie (the amazing Margaret O’Brien), the youngest. Esther is in love with literally the boy next door, John (Tom Drake), who is too clueless to comprehend her coy ardor. He compliments her choice of perfume, saying it’s the same his grandmother uses. Shaking hands goodnight, he says she’s “got a mighty strong grip for a girl.”
The film’s central antagonist is not a person but a city – New York, where Alonzo’s banking business is being transferred, causing much consternation and heartbreak among his brood.
O’Brien gives what may be the best performance by a child actor in Hollywood history. She’s preternaturally good, so much so that she even steals her scenes with Garland. No small feat, since Garland is close to her best here.
Especially later in her career, Garland often carried an edge of hysteria even in roles where it wasn’t required. But in this film, she’s unabashedly normal. She’s also in beautiful voice. Her rendition of the Hugh Martin-Ralph Blane “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” sung to a bereft Tootie, is one of her most soulful moments, and the songwriting team’s “The Trolley Song” – “Zing zing zing went my heartstrings!” – is among her most jubilant. I once guest-hosted a movie evening at a senior citizen’s home and when this scene came on, people who I was told rarely spoke anymore suddenly broke into song. This was incredibly moving to witness – a testament to the power of movies to uplift. (Unrated)
“Top Hat”
Of all the Astaire-Rogers movies, “Top Hat” (1935), with songs by Irving Berlin, is my favorite. (“Swing Time” is a close second.) The plot is one of those mistaken identity concoctions that never made much sense and doesn’t have to. Who needs a pretext to watch Fred and Ginger? Their number, “Isn’t This a Lovely Day,” danced in a deserted bandstand in London during a thunderstorm, is matched later on by the ineffable “Cheek to Cheek,” set in an Art Deco Venice. Fred tap-tap-tapping during “Top Hat, White Tie and Tails” is an artful explosion of the highest order. (Unrated)
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empower and uplift daily. By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy Already a subscriber? Log in to hide ads.
“Oliver!”
“Oliver!” (1968) won a well-deserved Oscar for best picture and still holds up remarkably well. Director Carol Reed, best known for the Graham Greene scripted noir thriller “The Third Man,” had a true artist’s affinity for childhood revels and terrors, and his work with the cast, including Mark Lester as Oliver and Ron Moody as Fagin, is exemplary. Derived from the Lionel Bart stage production, it’s not just a great movie musical, it’s also one of the greatest of all Charles Dickens adaptations. (Rated G)
These films are available to rent on Amazon’s Prime Video, YouTube, Google Play, and iTunes.


csmonitor--2020-04-17--Isolated from peers, teens find new paths to community amid pandemic

Key to that is shifting the dominating narrative about screen time and that it ’ s ruining peer-to-peer relationships .
In fact , argues Dr. Temple , it ’ s the reverse .
“ They know how to Snapchat with their friends , and FaceTime and text , and that ’ s real , ” he says .
“ And so that might be what saves them from the loneliness during this pandemic.
” But Jeff Temple of the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston says that teens are also finding new ways to be themselves and adapt , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ parents play a central role in helping them navigate the uncertainty .
Many middle-class teens and their parents express gratitude for their relative positions ; they know some peers are in much more precarious situations .
But , as time grinds on and the shock and novelty of lockdown wears off , they are also mourning what they ’ ve had to give up , from sports to dance to the daily eye rolls and jabs that are the nonverbal social fabric of adolescent years .
The coronavirus pandemic and the lockdown to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time teenagers are seeking autonomy and trying to create their own identity .
Isabella Flood Wallin , a sophomore in the suburbs of Seattle , misses her freedom .
She ’ d take a bus to school and use it to move freely around the city , going with her friends to the International District after school for boba tea or wherever else she needed to be .
But with physical distancing in place to fight the coronavirus pandemic , she ’ s sometimes felt like a “ prisoner ” inside her house @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feeling parented is the most annoying feeling ever for me , ” she says .
It ’ s affected her sleep .
It ’ s heightened her anxiety – she remembers one night when her father , a surgeon , came home late and she convinced herself he was going to die .
It ’ s aggravated her relationship with a younger sibling .
Some of her friendships , all moved online , have flourished , but others have foundered without face-to-face contact .
“ I feel it ’ s really elevated whatever @ @ @ @ @ @ @ anxiety , ” she says .
“ You ’ d think with the more time you spent with your family that you would feel more connected .
And I think it just hasn ’ t been true.
” Teens ’ worlds have been turned upside down at the exact time that they are seeking autonomy and creating their own identity away from the centrality of their family lives .
Many middle-class teens and their parents express gratitude for their relative positions ; they know some peers are in much more precarious situations .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the shock and novelty of lockdown wears off , they are also mourning what they ’ ve had to give up , from sports to dance to the daily eye rolls and jabs that are the nonverbal social fabric of adolescent years .
“ Not only are they experiencing all the things that we ’ re experiencing , but we ’ re taking them away from this very developmentally critical time point in their lives where they ’ re supposed to be out of the house and developing these relationships and forming their @ @ @ @ @ @ @ says Jeff Temple , professor and psychologist at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston .
He says that teens are also finding new ways to be themselves and adapt , even if in isolation , and that parents play a central role in helping them navigate the uncertainty .
Key to that is shifting the dominating narrative about screen time and that it ’ s ruining peer-to-peer relationships .
In fact , argues Dr. Temple , it ’ s the reverse .
“ They know how to Snapchat with their friends @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that ’ s real .
And it ’ s something that they have been doing their entire lives , ” he says .
“ And so that might be what saves them from the loneliness during this pandemic.
” Brenna Coughlin is the mother of two adolescent girls , Falon Doyle , age 12 , and Morgen Doyle , nearly 17 , in Topsham , Maine .
And she ’ s helping to guide them by following their lead – something she has at times beheld with a sense of awe when it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ They are so creative with their virtual world together , ” she says – over FaceTime with her girls .
For seventh grader Falon , she misses having a steady stream of friends over , including her best friend , with whom she ’ d play outside for hours .
But now they ’ ve shifted playdates to devices , doing riddles and personality quizzes .
Sometimes they clean their rooms together online .
For Morgen , a gymnast who recently got her driver ’ s license and the freedoms that entails , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , but she and her friends now do their homework or make TikTok videos together .
This may have garnered a collective adult eye roll before lockdowns that have kept 1.3 billion students out of school around the world , but experts say that ’ s been misdirected .
Strong online friendships more often predict stronger friendships generally .
In a 2018 Pew Research Center poll , 81 % of teen respondents say social media helps them feel more connected , not less , to their friends .
For Isabella , social media @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but it ’ s been key to coping now .
She joined an Instagram movement called Girls of Isolation , founded by her favorite poet .
It ’ s a collection of self-portraits in quarantine to empower girls .
Isabella ’ s portrait was posted .
“ I think it ’ s been really powerful for me to see this is a worldwide thing , and that people everywhere are experiencing it , so this isn ’ t loneliness that is just felt by one person , ” she says .
Peter Swanson @ @ @ @ @ @ @ job as the former chair of the science department at Quincy High School outside Boston , says opportunities are everywhere now that structure is gone .
An avid gardener , he is partial to earth-based projects .
But whether it ’ s physical fitness or academic pursuits , it ’ s a unique time when students can define their own goals and interests without the pressures of achievement .
“ Here ’ s an opportunity for them to take responsibility for themselves , ” he says .
That ’ s not to say @ @ @ @ @ @ @ says , especially those in at-risk social and economic environments .
A weekly poll in April by DoSomething.org revealed that young people said they feel frustrated ( 62.7 % ) , sad ( 53.8 % ) , and nervous ( 50.9 % ) .
Parents have watched changes in their teens that have been disconcerting .
Kathy Tonery , a special ed teacher in Pittsburgh and mother of three active boys , has watched her middle child , a 16-year-old social butterfly , close in on himself .
“ He generally is sleeping @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he ’ s up all night .
And I can tell he really misses that socialization .
He doesn ’ t talk a lot , is very grumpy , ” she says .
“ I try to let it go .
You want to try and control everything and make everything better.
” But she knows she can ’ t , and experts agree parents are best off following their children ’ s leads and validating their feelings , however hard that might be .
They should do it in their own moments @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are struggling .
For Julie Brazzell , another Pittsburgh-area parent , it ’ s what her boys have missed that hits the hardest in their home .
Her eighth-grade twins missed their “ graduation year ” from middle school , packing up one day without realizing they ’ d not be back before the kids filter off to various high schools .
Her junior is missing baseball season , a key year when he hoped to get some recognition that could translate into college scholarship money .
“ That was a gut punch @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she tries to refocus their attention on what they have : health , financial stability , and a new sense of togetherness .
“ Before , dinner was shoving stuff in a crock pot , and whoever comes in eats something real quick before we have to run somewhere else , ” she says .
Now there are family meals and game nights .
In the end , it ’ s teen optimism and open-mindedness that might be their best buffer in this extraordinary time period .
Some might even realize that the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ so bad .
Seventh grader Falon , for one , can ’ t wait to get back : “ I am most excited to go back to school .
I honestly don ’ t care what class , as long as I get to see my friends , and my teachers too .
”

Key to that is shifting the dominating narrative about screen time and that it’s ruining peer-to-peer relationships. In fact, argues Dr. Temple, it’s the reverse. “They know how to Snapchat with their friends, and FaceTime and text, and that’s real,” he says. “And so that might be what saves them from the loneliness during this pandemic.”
But Jeff Temple of the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston says that teens are also finding new ways to be themselves and adapt, even if in isolation, and that parents play a central role in helping them navigate the uncertainty.
The pandemic lockdown is depriving teenagers of their social groups and casting a shadow over their college and job futures. How can parents help teens cope with the isolation and uncertainty?
Many middle-class teens and their parents express gratitude for their relative positions; they know some peers are in much more precarious situations. But, as time grinds on and the shock and novelty of lockdown wears off, they are also mourning what they’ve had to give up, from sports to dance to the daily eye rolls and jabs that are the nonverbal social fabric of adolescent years.
The coronavirus pandemic and the lockdown to fight it are happening at the same time teenagers are seeking autonomy and trying to create their own identity.
Isabella Flood Wallin, a sophomore in the suburbs of Seattle, misses her freedom.
She’d take a bus to school and use it to move freely around the city, going with her friends to the International District after school for boba tea or wherever else she needed to be. But with physical distancing in place to fight the coronavirus pandemic, she’s sometimes felt like a “prisoner” inside her house – just at the time when “feeling parented is the most annoying feeling ever for me,” she says.
It’s affected her sleep. It’s heightened her anxiety – she remembers one night when her father, a surgeon, came home late and she convinced herself he was going to die. It’s aggravated her relationship with a younger sibling. Some of her friendships, all moved online, have flourished, but others have foundered without face-to-face contact.
Why We Wrote This The pandemic lockdown is depriving teenagers of their social groups and casting a shadow over their college and job futures. How can parents help teens cope with the isolation and uncertainty?
“I feel it’s really elevated whatever emotions I was already having, especially anxiety,” she says. “You’d think with the more time you spent with your family that you would feel more connected. And I think it just hasn’t been true.”
Teens’ worlds have been turned upside down at the exact time that they are seeking autonomy and creating their own identity away from the centrality of their family lives.
Many middle-class teens and their parents express gratitude for their relative positions; they know some peers are in much more precarious situations. But, as time grinds on and the shock and novelty of lockdown wears off, they are also mourning what they’ve had to give up, from sports to dance to the daily eye rolls and jabs that are the nonverbal social fabric of adolescent years.
“Not only are they experiencing all the things that we’re experiencing, but we’re taking them away from this very developmentally critical time point in their lives where they’re supposed to be out of the house and developing these relationships and forming their own identity without their parents,” says Jeff Temple, professor and psychologist at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston.
He says that teens are also finding new ways to be themselves and adapt, even if in isolation, and that parents play a central role in helping them navigate the uncertainty.
Key to that is shifting the dominating narrative about screen time and that it’s ruining peer-to-peer relationships. In fact, argues Dr. Temple, it’s the reverse. “They know how to Snapchat with their friends, and FaceTime and text, and that’s real. And it’s something that they have been doing their entire lives,” he says. “And so that might be what saves them from the loneliness during this pandemic.”
Going online
Brenna Coughlin is the mother of two adolescent girls, Falon Doyle, age 12, and Morgen Doyle, nearly 17, in Topsham, Maine. And she’s helping to guide them by following their lead – something she has at times beheld with a sense of awe when it comes to their tech savvy. “They are so creative with their virtual world together,” she says – over FaceTime with her girls.
For seventh grader Falon, she misses having a steady stream of friends over, including her best friend, with whom she’d play outside for hours. But now they’ve shifted playdates to devices, doing riddles and personality quizzes. Sometimes they clean their rooms together online. For Morgen, a gymnast who recently got her driver’s license and the freedoms that entails, she misses the camaraderie of her team, but she and her friends now do their homework or make TikTok videos together.
This may have garnered a collective adult eye roll before lockdowns that have kept 1.3 billion students out of school around the world, but experts say that’s been misdirected. Strong online friendships more often predict stronger friendships generally. In a 2018 Pew Research Center poll, 81% of teen respondents say social media helps them feel more connected, not less, to their friends.
For Isabella, social media hasn’t always generated positivity, but it’s been key to coping now. She joined an Instagram movement called Girls of Isolation, founded by her favorite poet. It’s a collection of self-portraits in quarantine to empower girls. Isabella’s portrait was posted. “I think it’s been really powerful for me to see this is a worldwide thing, and that people everywhere are experiencing it, so this isn’t loneliness that is just felt by one person,” she says.
Peter Swanson, who knows teens well from his job as the former chair of the science department at Quincy High School outside Boston, says opportunities are everywhere now that structure is gone. An avid gardener, he is partial to earth-based projects. But whether it’s physical fitness or academic pursuits, it’s a unique time when students can define their own goals and interests without the pressures of achievement. “Here’s an opportunity for them to take responsibility for themselves,” he says.
Missing their peer groups
That’s not to say this is easy on teens, he says, especially those in at-risk social and economic environments.
A weekly poll in April by DoSomething.org revealed that young people said they feel frustrated (62.7%), sad (53.8%), and nervous (50.9%). Parents have watched changes in their teens that have been disconcerting.
Kathy Tonery, a special ed teacher in Pittsburgh and mother of three active boys, has watched her middle child, a 16-year-old social butterfly, close in on himself. “He generally is sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, and then he’s up all night. And I can tell he really misses that socialization. He doesn’t talk a lot, is very grumpy,” she says. “I try to let it go. You want to try and control everything and make everything better.”
But she knows she can’t, and experts agree parents are best off following their children’s leads and validating their feelings, however hard that might be. They should do it in their own moments of strength, not when they themselves are struggling.
For Julie Brazzell, another Pittsburgh-area parent, it’s what her boys have missed that hits the hardest in their home. Her eighth-grade twins missed their “graduation year” from middle school, packing up one day without realizing they’d not be back before the kids filter off to various high schools. Her junior is missing baseball season, a key year when he hoped to get some recognition that could translate into college scholarship money. “That was a gut punch,” she says.
She says she tries to refocus their attention on what they have: health, financial stability, and a new sense of togetherness. “Before, dinner was shoving stuff in a crock pot, and whoever comes in eats something real quick before we have to run somewhere else,” she says. Now there are family meals and game nights.
Get stories that
empower and uplift daily. By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy Already a subscriber? Log in to hide ads.
In the end, it’s teen optimism and open-mindedness that might be their best buffer in this extraordinary time period. Some might even realize that the academic environment is, actually, not so bad.
Seventh grader Falon, for one, can’t wait to get back: “I am most excited to go back to school. I honestly don’t care what class, as long as I get to see my friends, and my teachers too.”


csmonitor--2020-05-05--Pandemic parenting: Dads assess their share of care

“ She has the harder job .
There ’ s no ifs , ands , or buts about it , ” he says .
“ My clients don ’ t scream at me when something isn ’ t right , at least not normally.
” The Monitor asked a few fathers around the United States how the coronavirus has changed their work and family life and what lessons they ’ re learning about divisions of labor in the home .
John Griswold , a father of three from California , says he tries to help his wife make time for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ How couples negotiate workloads during the pandemic “ is going to say a lot about our conceptions of gender right now , ” says Daniel Carlson , an associate professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah .
“ I think a lot of people are going to have to come face-to-face with their own and their partner ’ s ideas about who ’ s responsible for what.
” During lockdown , focus often turns to the parenting burden on women , who already spent more time on child care @ @ @ @ @ @ @ triple the time on child care per week than they did in 1965 , and more than double the amount of time on housework , according to a 2016 report by the Pew Research Center .
The coronavirus pandemic has placed new stresses on home life – and how household duties are divvied up .
But while much of the media emphasis has been on the extra burden being placed on women , men have been stepping up as well .
Before the pandemic , data shows women regularly spent more time on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ mental load ” of household management than men , even though 71.5 % of women with children under age 18 participate in the labor force .
Several media articles have spotlighted the intense burdens many mothers are carrying at this time .
But fathers spend about triple the time on child care per week than they did in 1965 , and more than double the amount of time on housework , according to a 2016 report by the Pew Research Center .
Editor ’ s note : As a public service , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ No paywall .
“ The vast majority of men in the U.S. want to share housework and childcare equally with their partners , ” wrote Daniel Carlson , an associate professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City in a recent Twitter post with tips for fathers on how to get more involved at home .
“ However , structural barriers like a lack of job flexibility and time at home prevent this .
But this barrier has been removed for many .
You are home @ @ @ @ @ @ @ burden of your new work/family arrangement fall just on your partner !
” How couples negotiate workloads during the pandemic “ is going to say a lot about our conceptions of gender right now , ” adds Professor Carlson in a phone interview .
“ I think a lot of people are going to have to come face-to-face with their own and their partner ’ s ideas about who ’ s responsible for what.
” We asked a few fathers around the United States to share how the coronavirus has changed their work @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ re learning about divisions of labor in the home .
Their answers have been edited for length and clarity .
John Griswold from Encinitas , California , is the father of three children , ages 7 months , 2 , and 4 .
He works full time and his wife is a stay-at-home parent .
Has being at home more made you think any differently about what your spouse handles at home ?
She has the harder job .
There ’ s no ifs , ands , or buts about it .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ all at once .
My clients don ’ t scream at me when something isn ’ t right , at least not normally .
[ My wife ] puts the kids first and doesn ’ t naturally set aside time for herself .
So my biggest job is to try and force her to do that , and sometimes I do a good job at that and sometimes I don ’ t .
I ’ m trying to make sure she ’ s getting enough time to decompress so she can be her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ burns it at both ends and doesn ’ t complain – she loves her job , she ’ s wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since she was little .
How have you divvied up things like the dishes or laundry that aren ’ t necessarily child care , but are often more typically in the woman ’ s wheelhouse ?
The “ home ec ” roles I ’ ve taken as my own is I do all the grocery shopping and I cook at night .
I plan it out , I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ She knows what we don ’ t have in the fridge better than me .
I ’ ve figured out for our marriage , systems really work .
[ Normally ] at 3 p.m. every day I call or text and say , “ What do you need me to pick up ?
” She tells me and then I try to get to the store and be home at 5 from the grocery store so we can do bedtime .
Since I ’ m at home now , I ’ m making @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , doing that portion for her .
I ’ m grateful for it because it gives me a reason to get out of the house .
Nick Townley lives in Acton , Massachusetts , with his wife and their children , ages 2 and 5 .
He reduced his hours to part-time work during the pandemic .
His wife works full time .
How do you and your spouse regularly divide up child care and household tasks ?
Has that changed at all since the pandemic ?
Before coronavirus we were both responsible @ @ @ @ @ @ @ surface cleans and the laundry , we alternate cooking , I do 4 out of 5 weeknights for cooking , and she normally does weekends and Friday .
Now she ’ s increased her cooking because she enjoys it and wants to and can without her commute .
I ’ m still the primary parent when we ’ re both home during working hours because she ’ s on so many calls .
I ’ m building my day around her work routine because I can do that with my schedule .
Data @ @ @ @ @ @ @ child care and household duties .
As someone who has been more involved as a stay-at-home dad , what do you see as the benefits of handling more duties around the house ?
The main driver for me was that I spent so much time away when [ my daughter ] was younger .
I ’ d go away for three months at a time and [ my wife ] was at home full time .
I was going away and didn ’ t want to be an absent father and [ she @ @ @ @ @ @ @ really think it comes down to the personalities of people and what they enjoy and don ’ t enjoy .
We ’ ve been very lucky that most of the things I don ’ t like , she likes doing , things she doesn ’ t like , like tidying , I like doing .
It ’ s personal preferences and the economics of the situation .
[ We aim for a ] greater sense of teamwork and common purpose and unity , where you both feel like the other person ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ like the other person ’ s slacking , which means everything ’ s so much smoother .
David Bates is a father of two children , ages 2 and 4 , in Dallas .
He works full time and his wife works part time .
What ’ s changed in your child care and household routines ?
My kids usually go to school on certain days during the week and that ’ s when [ my wife ] gets her work done , but obviously with this change the kids are at home @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s definitely more of a sharing of responsibilities .
What usually happens is I ’ ll have to be more involved in the afternoons and evenings .
I ’ ll come in , take care of the kids , we ’ ll play in the yard or take a walk if it ’ s nice , while [ my wife ] works , sometimes I ’ ll be more involved with dinner preparations because the evening is her time to work .
Often I find myself the one putting my kids to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about handling child care and home duties with your spouse , and has this moment forced you to talk about it more intentionally or more often ?
It ’ s almost the same as what we did previously .
I feel like we always had an open conversation or understanding of how to divide things up .
...
I haven ’ t really seen much of a change , it ’ s almost like things are moving too rapidly that we haven ’ t really sat down and talked .
[ Instead ] @ @ @ @ @ @ @ need to get this done , let ’ s figure it out as we ’ re going.
” Editor ’ s note : As a public service , all our coronavirus coverage is free .
No paywall .

“She has the harder job. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it,” he says. “My clients don’t scream at me when something isn’t right, at least not normally.”
The Monitor asked a few fathers around the United States how the coronavirus has changed their work and family life and what lessons they’re learning about divisions of labor in the home. John Griswold, a father of three from California, says he tries to help his wife make time for herself after caring for their children.
What effect is lockdown having on the role of fathers in the home? Are subtle shifts taking place? We asked dads in the U.S. to tell us about their experiences.
How couples negotiate workloads during the pandemic “is going to say a lot about our conceptions of gender right now,” says Daniel Carlson, an associate professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah. “I think a lot of people are going to have to come face-to-face with their own and their partner’s ideas about who’s responsible for what.”
During lockdown, focus often turns to the parenting burden on women, who already spent more time on child care and housework. But fathers spend about triple the time on child care per week than they did in 1965, and more than double the amount of time on housework, according to a 2016 report by the Pew Research Center.
The coronavirus pandemic has placed new stresses on home life – and how household duties are divvied up. But while much of the media emphasis has been on the extra burden being placed on women, men have been stepping up as well.
Before the pandemic, data shows women regularly spent more time on child care, housework, and the “mental load” of household management than men, even though 71.5% of women with children under age 18 participate in the labor force. Several media articles have spotlighted the intense burdens many mothers are carrying at this time. But fathers spend about triple the time on child care per week than they did in 1965, and more than double the amount of time on housework, according to a 2016 report by the Pew Research Center.
Editor’s note: As a public service, all our coronavirus coverage is free. No paywall.
Why We Wrote This What effect is lockdown having on the role of fathers in the home? Are subtle shifts taking place? We asked dads in the U.S. to tell us about their experiences.
“The vast majority of men in the U.S. want to share housework and childcare equally with their partners,” wrote Daniel Carlson, an associate professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City in a recent Twitter post with tips for fathers on how to get more involved at home. “However, structural barriers like a lack of job flexibility and time at home prevent this. But this barrier has been removed for many. You are home now. Don’t let the burden of your new work/family arrangement fall just on your partner!”
How couples negotiate workloads during the pandemic “is going to say a lot about our conceptions of gender right now,” adds Professor Carlson in a phone interview. “I think a lot of people are going to have to come face-to-face with their own and their partner’s ideas about who’s responsible for what.”
We asked a few fathers around the United States to share how the coronavirus has changed their work and family life and what lessons they’re learning about divisions of labor in the home. Their answers have been edited for length and clarity.
John Griswold from Encinitas, California, is the father of three children, ages 7 months, 2, and 4. He works full time and his wife is a stay-at-home parent.
Has being at home more made you think any differently about what your spouse handles at home?
She has the harder job. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. She’s juggling a million things all at once. My clients don’t scream at me when something isn’t right, at least not normally.
[My wife] puts the kids first and doesn’t naturally set aside time for herself. So my biggest job is to try and force her to do that, and sometimes I do a good job at that and sometimes I don’t. I’m trying to make sure she’s getting enough time to decompress so she can be her best self for the kids because she burns it at both ends and doesn’t complain – she loves her job, she’s wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since she was little.
How have you divvied up things like the dishes or laundry that aren’t necessarily child care, but are often more typically in the woman’s wheelhouse?
The “home ec” roles I’ve taken as my own is I do all the grocery shopping and I cook at night. I plan it out, I’ve taken it as mine. She knows what we don’t have in the fridge better than me. I’ve figured out for our marriage, systems really work. [Normally] at 3 p.m. every day I call or text and say, “What do you need me to pick up?” She tells me and then I try to get to the store and be home at 5 from the grocery store so we can do bedtime. Since I’m at home now, I’m making my own list, going to Costco, doing that portion for her. I’m grateful for it because it gives me a reason to get out of the house.
Nick Townley lives in Acton, Massachusetts, with his wife and their children, ages 2 and 5. He reduced his hours to part-time work during the pandemic. His wife works full time.
How do you and your spouse regularly divide up child care and household tasks? Has that changed at all since the pandemic?
Before coronavirus we were both responsible for deep cleans. I do regular surface cleans and the laundry, we alternate cooking, I do 4 out of 5 weeknights for cooking, and she normally does weekends and Friday. Now she’s increased her cooking because she enjoys it and wants to and can without her commute. I’m still the primary parent when we’re both home during working hours because she’s on so many calls. I’m building my day around her work routine because I can do that with my schedule.
Data shows dads lag behind moms with handling child care and household duties. As someone who has been more involved as a stay-at-home dad, what do you see as the benefits of handling more duties around the house?
The main driver for me was that I spent so much time away when [my daughter] was younger. I’d go away for three months at a time and [my wife] was at home full time. I was going away and didn’t want to be an absent father and [she] wanted to be working.
I really think it comes down to the personalities of people and what they enjoy and don’t enjoy. We’ve been very lucky that most of the things I don’t like, she likes doing, things she doesn’t like, like tidying, I like doing. It’s personal preferences and the economics of the situation.
[We aim for a] greater sense of teamwork and common purpose and unity, where you both feel like the other person’s contributing and you don’t feel like the other person’s slacking, which means everything’s so much smoother.
David Bates is a father of two children, ages 2 and 4, in Dallas. He works full time and his wife works part time.
What’s changed in your child care and household routines?
My kids usually go to school on certain days during the week and that’s when [my wife] gets her work done, but obviously with this change the kids are at home now so that has meant that there’s definitely more of a sharing of responsibilities. What usually happens is I’ll have to be more involved in the afternoons and evenings. I’ll come in, take care of the kids, we’ll play in the yard or take a walk if it’s nice, while [my wife] works, sometimes I’ll be more involved with dinner preparations because the evening is her time to work. Often I find myself the one putting my kids to bed.
How do you normally communicate about handling child care and home duties with your spouse, and has this moment forced you to talk about it more intentionally or more often?
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It’s almost the same as what we did previously. I feel like we always had an open conversation or understanding of how to divide things up. ... I haven’t really seen much of a change, it’s almost like things are moving too rapidly that we haven’t really sat down and talked. [Instead] it’s “Look, I need to get this done, let’s figure it out as we’re going.”
Editor’s note: As a public service, all our coronavirus coverage is free. No paywall.