theroot--2020-04-23--No Way the Miami Dolphins Pass on Tua Tagovailoa and Everything Else You Need to Know Before the 202

No Way the Miami Dolphins Pass on Tua Tagovailoa and Everything Else You Need to Know Before the 2020 NFL Draft

The 2020 NFL Draft promises to be unlike any that we ’ ve experienced before .
In part because , unlike the swank venues and lavish decor of yesteryear , Commissioner Roger Goodell will be presiding over the draft from the comfort of his Bronxville , N.Y. , man cave .
And with team facilities closed indefinitely—or at least until the world rids itself of this pesky coronavirus—coaches , general managers , scouts and other people who are paid handsomely to build championship contenders will be making some of the most important decisions of their lives tonight under similar circumstances @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fully virtual draft , ” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told the Journal News .
“ It ’ s different , but so too are these times .
We ’ ve adapted and we ’ ve embraced the challenge to do this.
” This is definitely gon na be interesting , and I know you ’ ve got questions , so I ’ ll try my best to answer some of the biggest ones heading into Thursday night ’ s draft .
OK , so how in the hell will this work ?
Similar @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the NFL has distributed 122 tech kits throughout Trump ’ s America .
Every head coach and general manager in the league has received one , as did 58 of the top college prospects so that they can all broadcast from their homes .
( Though if Alabama ’ s Tua Tagovailoa experiences an Aaron Rogers-esque freefall , at least he can go in his backyard and ramble obscenities on Instagram Live . )
Outside of tech kits , the NFL also had to orchestrate a “ massive IT effort ” —complete @ @ @ @ @ @ @ connections and secure backups in case the Devil is busy—to ensure all 32 teams are a ) on an even playing field and b ) aren ’ t leaving the fate of their franchise up to some janky internet provider .
In case of emergency , each team is also allowed to have one IT specialist in the home of whoever is making their pick—who , in the case of the Detroit Lions , have historically relied on a dartboard and blindfold .
After all 32 teams “ log in , ” they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ video conference with a separate broadband connection to members of the league office .
It ’ s not quite the exuberant hug and photo op that we ’ re accustomed to seeing every April , but feel free to take that up with COVID-19 .
My iPhone acts up like every other day .
Doesn ’ t a virtual draft make it way more susceptible to technical problems ?
Pretty much , as evidenced by a failed dry run earlier this week .
If the Teddy Riley vs. Babyface battle taught us anything @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and technology don ’ t mix .
And as I ’ m sure you are well aware , you ’ ll find no shortage of old-ass white men in these NFL front offices .
So with so many of them being tasked with navigating new protocols and confusing software ( programs like Zoom aren ’ t exactly user friendly ) , expect to endure at least some level of “ This ain ’ t what Jesus died for !
!
!
!
” during the draft .
However , should technical difficulties prevent @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the player personnel department has the greenlight to pump the brakes on the draft and allow the intended pick , trade or transaction to occur .
Typically , if a team misses its pick , the next team just laughs in their face , shoves them out the way and makes their own pick .
But for better or worse , it sounds like the league will be doing it ’ s best to keep things cordial during its first-ever virtual draft .
So with the draft going digital , what ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ into it and trading the No .
1 overall pick to the Patriots ?
The NFL ’ s geek squad has recruited Microsoft to help establish and enforce security measures .
And while a security breach of that magnitude doesn ’ t appear to be a legit concern , teams can ’ t help but wonder if the league ’ s encryption methods will be enough .
“ You get into the security aspect , which is probably the most important for teams , ” Los Angeles Rams COO Kevin Demoff told ESPN @ @ @ @ @ @ @ your conversations are protected ?
... That would be my biggest concern , just from an encryption standpoint , of how do you have these conversations confidentially and make sure they go through ?
” Are carrier pigeons still a thing ?
Asking for a friend .
Soooooo are the Dolphins taking Tua or nah ?
Much like our alleged president , NFL teams are filled with compulsive liars .
They ’ ll do just about everything humanly possible to elude the truth and mislead other general managers and scouts about what player @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on and are interested in drafting .
But with that being said , Tua remains a pretty big question mark—arguably the biggest ever in the history of the draft .
The dude swears his surgically repaired hip is fine and that he ’ ll be ready to contribute in whatever capacity is asked of him , but for all his otherworldly talent—former NFL quarterback Trent “ Hyperbole ” Dilfer believes he throws a better ball than all-time greats Aaron Rogers and Dan Marino—questions remain about his ability to stay healthy throughout the course @ @ @ @ @ @ @ so , considering the Alabama product has already allegedly undergone five surgeries .
Did I mention Tua ’ s only 22 years old ?
Oregon ’ s Justin Herbert is another long-rumored option for the Dolphins , but even with COVID-19 preventing team doctors from getting a good look at Tua , I still believe his talent is too tantalizing to pass up .
He could either be the next Robert Griffin III or the next Drew Brees , but the Dolphins got ta roll those dice and snatch his ass up because @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are plenty of teams who will .
Aiight , I ’ m sold .
How do I watch this shit ?
The NFL Network ’ s studios are closed due to COVID-19 concerns , so it will be tag-teaming with ESPN—with analysts from both networks working from home—to deliver the draft .
Trey Wingo will act as the studio host on all three nights , with Rece Davis , Jesse Palmer and Maria Taylor holding things down on a separate broadcast the first two nights on ABC .
Here ’ s the full @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , ESPN , NFL Network , ESPN Deportes and ESPN Radio : • Round 1 on Thursday , April 23 , from 8-11:30 p.m .
ET • Rounds 2-3 on Friday , April 24 , from 7-11:30 p.m .
ET • Rounds 4-7 on Saturday , April 25 , from noon-7 p.m .
ET Also of note , the 2020 NFL Draft is unofficially being called a “ draft-a-thon , ” since it will also pay tribute and benefit relief efforts to healthcare workers and first responders through the following charities : the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s Combat Coronavirus Campaign , Feeding America ’ s COVID-19 Response Fund , Meals on Wheels ’ COVID-19 Response Fund , the Salvation Army and the United Way ’ s COVID-19 Community Response and Recovery Fund .
Good luck tonight , and prayerfully my team pulls in a better draft haul than yours .

The 2020 NFL Draft promises to be unlike any that we’ve experienced before. In part because, unlike the swank venues and lavish decor of yesteryear, Commissioner Roger Goodell will be presiding over the draft from the comfort of his Bronxville, N.Y., man cave.
No, really.
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And with team facilities closed indefinitely—or at least until the world rids itself of this pesky coronavirus—coaches, general managers, scouts and other people who are paid handsomely to build championship contenders will be making some of the most important decisions of their lives tonight under similar circumstances.
“It’s the first fully virtual draft,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told the Journal News. “It’s different, but so too are these times. We’ve adapted and we’ve embraced the challenge to do this.”
Advertisement Advertisement
This is definitely gonna be interesting, and I know you’ve got questions, so I’ll try my best to answer some of the biggest ones heading into Thursday night’s draft.
OK, so how in the hell will this work?
Great question! I’m glad you asked.
Similar to Goodell’s man cave setup, the NFL has distributed 122 tech kits throughout Trump’s America. Every head coach and general manager in the league has received one, as did 58 of the top college prospects so that they can all broadcast from their homes. (Though if Alabama’s Tua Tagovailoa experiences an Aaron Rogers-esque freefall, at least he can go in his backyard and ramble obscenities on Instagram Live.)
Advertisement
Outside of tech kits, the NFL also had to orchestrate a “massive IT effort”—complete with the necessary equipment, reliable internet connections and secure backups in case the Devil is busy—to ensure all 32 teams are a) on an even playing field and b) aren’t leaving the fate of their franchise up to some janky internet provider. In case of emergency, each team is also allowed to have one IT specialist in the home of whoever is making their pick—who, in the case of the Detroit Lions, have historically relied on a dartboard and blindfold.
After all 32 teams “log in,” they’ll be connected to a single video conference with a separate broadband connection to members of the league office. It’s not quite the exuberant hug and photo op that we’re accustomed to seeing every April, but feel free to take that up with COVID-19.
Advertisement
My iPhone acts up like every other day. Doesn’t a virtual draft make it way more susceptible to technical problems?
Pretty much, as evidenced by a failed dry run earlier this week.
Advertisement
If the Teddy Riley vs. Babyface battle taught us anything, it’s that old heads and technology don’t mix. And as I’m sure you are well aware, you’ll find no shortage of old-ass white men in these NFL front offices. So with so many of them being tasked with navigating new protocols and confusing software (programs like Zoom aren’t exactly user friendly), expect to endure at least some level of “This ain’t what Jesus died for!!!!” during the draft.
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Prepare your nerves accordingly.
(Though the WNBA just pulled off its virtual draft with no problems.)
However, should technical difficulties prevent any team from submitting their draft pick, the player personnel department has the greenlight to pump the brakes on the draft and allow the intended pick, trade or transaction to occur. Typically, if a team misses its pick, the next team just laughs in their face, shoves them out the way and makes their own pick. But for better or worse, it sounds like the league will be doing it’s best to keep things cordial during its first-ever virtual draft.
Advertisement
So with the draft going digital, what’s to stop some asshole from hacking into it and trading the No. 1 overall pick to the Patriots?
A firewall?
The NFL’s geek squad has recruited Microsoft to help establish and enforce security measures. And while a security breach of that magnitude doesn’t appear to be a legit concern, teams can’t help but wonder if the league’s encryption methods will be enough.
Advertisement
“You get into the security aspect, which is probably the most important for teams,” Los Angeles Rams COO Kevin Demoff told ESPN. “How do you make sure your conversations are protected? ... That would be my biggest concern, just from an encryption standpoint, of how do you have these conversations confidentially and make sure they go through?”
Are carrier pigeons still a thing? Asking for a friend.
Soooooo are the Dolphins taking Tua or nah?
Much like our alleged president, NFL teams are filled with compulsive liars. They’ll do just about everything humanly possible to elude the truth and mislead other general managers and scouts about what player(s) they have a man-crush on and are interested in drafting. But with that being said, Tua remains a pretty big question mark—arguably the biggest ever in the history of the draft.
Advertisement
The dude swears his surgically repaired hip is fine and that he’ll be ready to contribute in whatever capacity is asked of him, but for all his otherworldly talent—former NFL quarterback Trent “Hyperbole” Dilfer believes he throws a better ball than all-time greats Aaron Rogers and Dan Marino—questions remain about his ability to stay healthy throughout the course of his NFL career. And justifiably so, considering the Alabama product has already allegedly undergone five surgeries.
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Did I mention Tua’s only 22 years old?
Oregon’s Justin Herbert is another long-rumored option for the Dolphins, but even with COVID-19 preventing team doctors from getting a good look at Tua, I still believe his talent is too tantalizing to pass up.
Advertisement
He could either be the next Robert Griffin III or the next Drew Brees, but the Dolphins gotta roll those dice and snatch his ass up because if they don’t, there are plenty of teams who will.
Aiight, I’m sold. How do I watch this shit?
The NFL Network’s studios are closed due to COVID-19 concerns, so it will be tag-teaming with ESPN—with analysts from both networks working from home—to deliver the draft. Trey Wingo will act as the studio host on all three nights, with Rece Davis, Jesse Palmer and Maria Taylor holding things down on a separate broadcast the first two nights on ABC.
Advertisement
Here’s the full schedule for all three days on ABC, ESPN, NFL Network, ESPN Deportes and ESPN Radio:
Round 1 on Thursday, April 23, from 8-11:30 p.m. ET
Rounds 2-3 on Friday, April 24, from 7-11:30 p.m. ET
Rounds 4-7 on Saturday, April 25, from noon-7 p.m. ET
Also of note, the 2020 NFL Draft is unofficially being called a “draft-a-thon,” since it will also pay tribute and benefit relief efforts to healthcare workers and first responders through the following charities: the American Red Cross, the CDC’s Combat Coronavirus Campaign, Feeding America’s COVID-19 Response Fund, Meals on Wheels’ COVID-19 Response Fund, the Salvation Army and the United Way’s COVID-19 Community Response and Recovery Fund.
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Good luck tonight, and prayerfully my team pulls in a better draft haul than yours.


theroot--2020-04-23--No Mitch-Assness: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell Continues to be a ‘Mitch,’ and This Time, A

No Mitch-Assness: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell Continues to be a ‘Mitch,’ and This Time, Andrew Cuomo Dunks on Him

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell ( R-Ky. ) is not just a human bobblehead doll .
Currently , h e ’ s leading Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz in the hotly contested GOP punchable face list , so it ’ s only right that on Wednesday , the Republican senator came out of his turtle-faced mouth to suggest that those states that have been hit the hardest by the coronavirus seek bankruptcy protections rather than receive a federal bailout .
That ’ s right , it ’ s Lord of the Flies under this government , which has continuously thrown states @ @ @ @ @ @ @ time in recent history .
According to the Washington Post , McConnell ’ s comments , made during an interview on Hugh Hewitt ’ s syndicated radio show on Wednesday , “ renewed push from states for help from Washington to cover lost tax revenue that has been among the dire consequences of the ongoing pandemic.
” “ This is really one of the dumb ideas of all time , ” Democratic New York Gov .
Andrew M. Cuomo said during his daily coronavirus briefing in Albany .
Cuomo warned that having multiple @ @ @ @ @ @ @ would lead to “ a collapse of this national economy.
” Republican Maryland Gov .
Larry Hogan , chairman of the bipartisan National Governors Association , which , the Post notes , “ has asked McConnell for $ 500 billion to help states deal with lost revenue , ” said that McConnell is totally going to regret making that dumbass comment .
“ Mitch McConnell probably regrets saying that , ” Hogan said .
“ If he doesn ’ t regret it yet , I think he will regret it .
… The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of an economic crisis is to have states all filing bankruptcy all across America and not able to provide services to people who desperately need them.
” McConnell claimed during the interview that the states could use bankruptcy protections to restructure their finances .
“ I would certainly be in favor of allowing states to use the bankruptcy route , ” McConnell said .
“ It saves some cities .
And there ’ s no good reason for it not to be available .
My guess is their first choice would be for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ future generations to send it down to them now so they don ’ t have to do that .
That ’ s not something I ’ m going to be in favor of.
” The House is expected to sign off Thursday on a $ 484 billion relief bill that replenishes a loan program for small businesses affected by the pandemic .
It also provides additional funding for hospitals and coronavirus testing , two issues Democrats pressed during negotiations .
Republicans balked at adding aid to states and localities to the pending legislation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that he would be open to including such assistance in the next round of legislative relief .
Now the majority leader , who is a Republican—the party that was once considered “ fiscally conservatives ” —wants to be concerned about the amount of money the government is sending to states after it bailed out all kinds of businesses that didn ’ t need it .
McConnell noted during his Wednesday interview that he was looking for lawmakers “ to push the pause button ” before moving forward with “ this whole business of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” “ There ’ s not going to be any desire on the Republican side to bail out state pensions by borrowing money from future generations , ” McConnell said , the Post reports .
“ So this is a much bigger conversation than we ’ ve had providing assistance for small business because the government shut them out , put them down , put them out of business , or assistance to hospitals which were overwhelmed by the COVID -19 disease.
” Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer ( D-N.Y. ) didn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Wednesday in which he literally dared other Republicans to back Turtle Face .
“ Republican Senators : Raise your hand if you think your state should go bankrupt , ” he wrote .
Cuomo straight up said the move would be “ irresponsible and reckless ” and was annoyed with a document from McConnell ’ s office entitled “ Stopping Blue State Bailouts ” —a call to stop funding trouble states being run by Democrats .
“ This is not the time or the place or the situation to start your divisive politics @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the Post reports .
“ It ’ s not red and blue .
It ’ s red , white and blue.
” Cuomo also noted that McConnell ’ s shithole state of Kentucky receives more federal dollars for service than its citizens pay in taxes .
“ It ’ s your state that is living on the money that we generate , ” Cuomo said .
“ Your state is getting bailed out .
Not my state .
”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is not just a human bobblehead doll. Currently, h e’s leading Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz in the hotly contested GOP punchable face list, so it’s only right that on Wednesday, the Republican senator came out of his turtle-faced mouth to suggest that those states that have been hit the hardest by the coronavirus seek bankruptcy protections rather than receive a federal bailout.
That’s right, it’s Lord of the Flies under this government, which has continuously thrown states under the bus during arguably the direst time in recent history.
Advertisement
According to the Washington Post, McConnell’s comments, made during an interview on Hugh Hewitt’s syndicated radio show on Wednesday, “renewed push from states for help from Washington to cover lost tax revenue that has been among the dire consequences of the ongoing pandemic.”
“This is really one of the dumb ideas of all time,” Democratic New York Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo said during his daily coronavirus briefing in Albany. Cuomo warned that having multiple states declare bankruptcy at the same time would lead to “a collapse of this national economy.”
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Republican Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan, chairman of the bipartisan National Governors Association, which, the Post notes, “has asked McConnell for $500 billion to help states deal with lost revenue,” said that McConnell is totally going to regret making that dumbass comment.
“Mitch McConnell probably regrets saying that,” Hogan said. “If he doesn’t regret it yet, I think he will regret it. … The last thing we need in the middle of an economic crisis is to have states all filing bankruptcy all across America and not able to provide services to people who desperately need them.”
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McConnell claimed during the interview that the states could use bankruptcy protections to restructure their finances.
“I would certainly be in favor of allowing states to use the bankruptcy route,” McConnell said. “It saves some cities. And there’s no good reason for it not to be available. My guess is their first choice would be for the federal government to borrow money from future generations to send it down to them now so they don’t have to do that. That’s not something I’m going to be in favor of.”
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From the Post:
The House is expected to sign off Thursday on a $484 billion relief bill that replenishes a loan program for small businesses affected by the pandemic. It also provides additional funding for hospitals and coronavirus testing, two issues Democrats pressed during negotiations. Republicans balked at adding aid to states and localities to the pending legislation, but President Trump signaled this week that he would be open to including such assistance in the next round of legislative relief.
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Now the majority leader, who is a Republican—the party that was once considered “fiscally conservatives”—wants to be concerned about the amount of money the government is sending to states after it bailed out all kinds of businesses that didn’t need it.
McConnell noted during his Wednesday interview that he was looking for lawmakers “to push the pause button” before moving forward with “this whole business of additional assistance for state and local governments.”
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“There’s not going to be any desire on the Republican side to bail out state pensions by borrowing money from future generations,” McConnell said, the Post reports. “So this is a much bigger conversation than we’ve had providing assistance for small business because the government shut them out, put them down, put them out of business, or assistance to hospitals which were overwhelmed by the COVID -19 disease.”
Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) didn’t mince words in his tweet Wednesday in which he literally dared other Republicans to back Turtle Face.
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“Republican Senators: Raise your hand if you think your state should go bankrupt,” he wrote.
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Cuomo straight up said the move would be “irresponsible and reckless” and was annoyed with a document from McConnell’s office entitled “Stopping Blue State Bailouts”—a call to stop funding trouble states being run by Democrats.
“This is not the time or the place or the situation to start your divisive politics,” a visibly agitated Cuomo said, the Post reports. “It’s not red and blue. It’s red, white and blue.”
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Cuomo also noted that McConnell’s shithole state of Kentucky receives more federal dollars for service than its citizens pay in taxes.
“It’s your state that is living on the money that we generate,” Cuomo said. “Your state is getting bailed out. Not my state.”


theroot--2020-04-23--The 'Open America' Protests Are a Classic Example of the Power of White Privilege

In an effort to demonstrate how much they want to “ reopen the economy ” ( or perhaps how badly @ @ @ @ @ other protective measures in place to ensure people aren ’ t out here catching the @ @ @ @ @ folks across the U.S. are protesting outside in the middle of a pandemic with signs @ @ @ @ @ ... or COVID-19 .
And that ’ s not all .
A number “ open @ @ @ @ @ walking around publicly strapped as they make their feelings known .
Could you even imagine @ @ @ @ @ with guns drawn on the steps of a government building ?
Exactly .
Check out @ @ @ @ @ more about the double standards faced by black people who choose to protest , how @ @ @ @ @ white privilege in action and more .

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude


theroot--2020-04-23--Stimulate Your Shoe Game With 30% off Sitewide at Adidas

From now until the 30th , you can grab a 30 % discount sitewide at adidas.com .
This includes full-price @ @ @ @ @ is giving us one of the best deals of the year here .
I snagged @ @ @ @ @ to more kicks collection .
Hit up the sale section and get some deep deals @ @ @ @ @ code APRIL .
If you ’ re looking for a great option in the Men @ @ @ @ @ the look of the Stan Smith line .
Bummer you can ’ t use the @ @ @ @ @ , 4D , Boston Marathon , or gift cards .
But still plenty of shirts @ @ @ @ @ to choose from .
Free shipping with orders over $ 49 so you ’ ll @ @ @ @ @ a few things in this Spring fling sale .

Sheilah Villari on Kinja Deals, shared by Gabe Carey to The Root

30% Off Sitewide | Adidas | Promo code APRIL
From now until the 30th, you can grab a 30% discount sitewide at adidas.com. This includes full-price and sale items. Adidas is giving us one of the best deals of the year here. I snagged these casual cuties to add to more kicks collection. Hit up the sale section and get some deep deals, just toss in the code APRIL. If you’re looking for a great option in the Men’s section I love the look of the Stan Smith line.
Bummer you can’t use the deal on Yeezy, Pharrell, 4D, Boston Marathon, or gift cards. But still plenty of shirts, socks, and tracksuits to choose from.
Free shipping with orders over $49 so you’ll likely be able to grab a few things in this Spring fling sale.


theroot--2020-04-23--I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream...at Senator Mark Warner's Mayo Abomination of a Sandwich

If we can find just one moment of national unity this week , let it be the collective scream we all let out as Virginia Senator Mark Warner dumped a Mitch McConnell-sized helping of mayonnaise on what we ’ ve been told is a tuna melt .
“ Senator ’ s mayo-heavy tuna melt met with jeers ” crowed CNN .
“ Virginia Sen. Mark Warner ’ s Sandwich Causes Tuna Meltdown , ” quipped NBC Washington .
“ What is the deal with Mark Warner ’ s haunted sandwich , ” New York Magazine implored .
Fox News went @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s tuna melt recipe provokes disgust , concern from fellow lawmakers , Twitter users , ” the site declared .
The senator shared the harrowing recipe on his Instagram and his Twitter—against the good advice of his own staff , apparently .
“ My daughters won ’ t eat them anymore , and my staff tried to stop me from sharing this quarantine delicacy with the world .
Fortunately for you , they were OVERRULED , ” the former governor of Virginia wrote .
“ So here it is , my soon-to-be-world-famous @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an appetite for trolling !
Warner ’ s recipe , if we could call it that , calls for about a half a jar of mayonnaise on two pieces of white bread .
Next , he dumps an entire can of tuna directly onto the mayonnaise , aggressively pushing the flakes of meat onto the mayo ( no , he did not drain the can ) .
Next , two pieces of American cheese do their best to bury the monstrosity .
Warner then nukes this pile of nonsense—which he has allegedly fed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ microwave .
Voilá , a tuna sandwich made for the trash .
Warner ’ s colleagues were unified in their condemnation of The Sandwich™ .
Even New Jersey Senator Cory Booker ’ s vegan ass got in the mix .
“ Mark , if you don ’ t change your routine there ’ s going to be a mayo shortage in Virginia , ” Booker teased , before politely telling Warner he was maaaybe doing it wrong .
California Senator Kamala Harris solemnly informed Warner , “ [ W ] e need to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I hope Harris , a former prosecutor , will throw Mark in jail for this sandwich ?
Not yet , but I do want a summons to be issued .
To a pantry .
With seasoning .
Kamala ’ s niece , Meena Harris , even got in on the fun .
Now , I would never deny that Mark Warner is an expert in mayonnaise .
Look at the man .
Peep that creamy glow from his rich , mayonin-blessed skin .
If he claims mayonnaise is a seasoning , as he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ critique , it must come from a place of expertise .
But as it turns out , this sandwich wasn ’ t political performance art , nor some defense of the proclivities of Caucasian cuisine .
It was a ploy to tout his paycheck security proposal , co-sponsored by Senate colleagues Bernie Sanders ( Vt. ) , Doug Jones ( Ala. ) , and Richard Blumenthal ( Conn. ) .
Warner says the legislation will preserve wages and benefits for “ every rank-and-file American worker ( including restaurant workers ) , ” to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to make a terrible sandwich to tell me that restaurant workers are important !
But , if you need to provoke the masses through terrible food , then so be it .
It is , frankly , a much more noble calling for that poor sandwich , which I hope , for the sake of Warner , his family and his bowels , he didn ’ t eat .

If we can find just one moment of national unity this week, let it be the collective scream we all let out as Virginia Senator Mark Warner dumped a Mitch McConnell-sized helping of mayonnaise on what we’ve been told is a tuna melt.
“Senator’s mayo-heavy tuna melt met with jeers” crowed CNN. “Virginia Sen. Mark Warner’s Sandwich Causes Tuna Meltdown,” quipped NBC Washington. “What is the deal with Mark Warner’s haunted sandwich,” New York Magazine implored. Fox News went the long-winded route: “Mark Warner’s tuna melt recipe provokes disgust, concern from fellow lawmakers, Twitter users,” the site declared.
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The senator shared the harrowing recipe on his Instagram and his Twitter—against the good advice of his own staff, apparently.
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“My daughters won’t eat them anymore, and my staff tried to stop me from sharing this quarantine delicacy with the world. Fortunately for you, they were OVERRULED,” the former governor of Virginia wrote. “So here it is, my soon-to-be-world-famous Tuna Melt.”
Sounds like someone has an appetite for trolling!
Warner’s recipe, if we could call it that, calls for about a half a jar of mayonnaise on two pieces of white bread. Next, he dumps an entire can of tuna directly onto the mayonnaise, aggressively pushing the flakes of meat onto the mayo (no, he did not drain the can). Next, two pieces of American cheese do their best to bury the monstrosity. Warner then nukes this pile of nonsense—which he has allegedly fed to his own, live children—in the microwave. Voilá, a tuna sandwich made for the trash.
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Warner’s colleagues were unified in their condemnation of The Sandwich™. Even New Jersey Senator Cory Booker’s vegan ass got in the mix.
“Mark, if you don’t change your routine there’s going to be a mayo shortage in Virginia,” Booker teased, before politely telling Warner he was maaaybe doing it wrong.
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California Senator Kamala Harris solemnly informed Warner, “[W]e need to talk. Call. Please.” Do I hope Harris, a former prosecutor, will throw Mark in jail for this sandwich? Not yet, but I do want a summons to be issued. To a pantry. With seasoning.
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Kamala’s niece, Meena Harris, even got in on the fun.
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Now, I would never deny that Mark Warner is an expert in mayonnaise. Look at the man. Peep that creamy glow from his rich, mayonin-blessed skin. If he claims mayonnaise is a seasoning, as he did in response to Booker’s critique, it must come from a place of expertise.
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But as it turns out, this sandwich wasn’t political performance art, nor some defense of the proclivities of Caucasian cuisine. It was a ploy to tout his paycheck security proposal, co-sponsored by Senate colleagues Bernie Sanders (Vt.), Doug Jones (Ala.), and Richard Blumenthal (Conn.). Warner says the legislation will preserve wages and benefits for “every rank-and-file American worker (including restaurant workers),” to which, sir—you didn’t need to make a terrible sandwich to tell me that restaurant workers are important! But, if you need to provoke the masses through terrible food, then so be it.
It is, frankly, a much more noble calling for that poor sandwich, which I hope, for the sake of Warner, his family and his bowels, he didn’t eat.


theroot--2020-04-23--Juice WRLD's Mother Establishes Mental Health Support Fund in Honor of Son

Juice WRLD was open about his mental health struggles in his music , with songs such as his hit single , “ Lucid Dreams.
” Until his death last year at the age of 21 , the rapper served as the voice of many young people who were feeling the same .
N ow , the musician ’ s mother is making sure to pay homage in an important and effective way .
Carmela Wallace announced on Wednesday that she ’ d established the Live Free 999 Fund in honor of her late son , born Jarad Higgins .
The @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are struggling with mental health issues such as addiction , anxiety and depression with “ love , joy and honesty.
” According to the fund ’ s website , Live Free 999 will focus on initiatives such as “ normalizing the conversation around these issues , especially in underserved communities ” and “ supporting programs that help people find positive avenues to process their mental health challenges ” through various programming .
The fund will receive additional support from Juice WRLD ’ s label Interscope Records and the subsidiary he was signed to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ aware of [ Jarad ’ s ] struggles with addiction , anxiety and depression ; we had many conversations about his challenges with these issues , ” Wallace said in a statement .
“ I know he truly wanted to be free from the demons that tormented him .
I made the decision upon his death that I was going to share his struggles with the world with the objective of helping others.
” She adds that it is her “ desire ” to help young people who are hurting by “ providing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for opioid and other forms of drug addiction.
” During his time in the spotlight , Juice WRLD released two studio albums : his platinum-selling debut Goodbye & Good Riddance in 2018 , and his No .
1 album Death Race for Love in 2019 .
He also won a Billboard Music Award in 2019 for Top New Artist .
He died after suffering a seizure at Chicago ’ s Midway Airport on December 8 , 2019 .
Toxicology reports discovered that the seizure was caused by an accidental overdose of codeine and @ @

J'na Jefferson on The Grapevine, shared by J'na Jefferson to The Root

Juice WRLD was open about his mental health struggles in his music, with songs such as his hit single, “Lucid Dreams.” Until his death last year at the age of 21, the rapper served as the voice of many young people who were feeling the same. N ow, the musician’s mother is making sure to pay homage in an important and effective way.
Carmela Wallace announced on Wednesday that she’d established the Live Free 999 Fund in honor of her late son, born Jarad Higgins. The fund aims to serve young people who are struggling with mental health issues such as addiction, anxiety and depression with “love, joy and honesty.”
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According to the fund’s website, Live Free 999 will focus on initiatives such as “normalizing the conversation around these issues, especially in underserved communities” and “supporting programs that help people find positive avenues to process their mental health challenges” through various programming. The fund will receive additional support from Juice WRLD’s label Interscope Records and the subsidiary he was signed to, Grade A.
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“I was aware of [Jarad’s] struggles with addiction, anxiety and depression; we had many conversations about his challenges with these issues,” Wallace said in a statement. “I know he truly wanted to be free from the demons that tormented him. I made the decision upon his death that I was going to share his struggles with the world with the objective of helping others.” She adds that it is her “desire” to help young people who are hurting by “providing access to education, prevention and treatment for opioid and other forms of drug addiction.”
During his time in the spotlight, Juice WRLD released two studio albums: his platinum-selling debut Goodbye & Good Riddance in 2018, and his No. 1 album Death Race for Love in 2019. He also won a Billboard Music Award in 2019 for Top New Artist. He died after suffering a seizure at Chicago’s Midway Airport on December 8, 2019. Toxicology reports discovered that the seizure was caused by an accidental overdose of codeine and oxycodone.


theroot--2020-04-23--Opening Movie Theaters? During COVID-19? Spike Lee Says 'Hell to Da Naw'

The entertainment industry is facing the devastation brought on by COVID-19 head-on .
With concerts and music festivals being canceled , Broadway having its lights out until at least June , and a slew of film release dates being pushed back or canceled entirely , many are wondering when the industry will be able to recover whenever the dust begins to settle .
To make matters worse , entertainers such as jazz musicians Ellis Marsalis and Manu Dibango died from complications stemming from the illness .
Hollywood is , of course , feeling this pandemic ’ s sting pretty hard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ industry are not in a rush to get people ’ s butts back into movie theater seats .
Vanity Fair asked a slew of film professionals for their thoughts about cities opening movie theaters and easing quarantine and social distancing restrictions , including Oscar winner Spike Lee , who is not about that life .
In an email sent to the publication , Lee said “ Open Movie Theatres Now ?
Hell To Da Naw .
I Got Alot More Movies To Make , Not Rollin ’ Da Dice Wit ’ Da Only @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , “ TESTING .
TESTING And Mo ’ TESTING.
” Well , there you have it .
If Spike Lee says don ’ t open movie theaters , make sure you Do The Right Thing and listen to him .
According to the article , Lee ’ s next film is the Chadwick Boseman-led war drama Da 5 Bloods , which will be available for streaming on Netflix .
It appears that Hollywood is getting along without movie theaters just fine .
Many production companies and film studios are either pushing film release @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to partner with streaming services to drop their projects .
For instance , the animated film Trolls World Tour became available for digital rental via Amazon Prime Video on April 10 , while the Issa Rae and Kumail Nanjiani comedy The Lovebirds , which was originally scheduled for release in theaters on April 3 , will premiere on Netflix May 22 .

The entertainment industry is facing the devastation brought on by COVID-19 head-on. With concerts and music festivals being canceled, Broadway having its lights out until at least June, and a slew of film release dates being pushed back or canceled entirely, many are wondering when the industry will be able to recover whenever the dust begins to settle. To make matters worse, entertainers such as jazz musicians Ellis Marsalis and Manu Dibango died from complications stemming from the illness.
Hollywood is, of course, feeling this pandemic’s sting pretty hard, but those involved in the filmmaking industry are not in a rush to get people’s butts back into movie theater seats.
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Vanity Fair asked a slew of film professionals for their thoughts about cities opening movie theaters and easing quarantine and social distancing restrictions, including Oscar winner Spike Lee, who is not about that life.
In an email sent to the publication, Lee said “Open Movie Theatres Now? Hell To Da Naw. I Got Alot More Movies To Make, Not Rollin’ Da Dice Wit’ Da Only Life I Got.” He also added, “TESTING. TESTING And Mo’ TESTING.”
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Well, there you have it. If Spike Lee says don’t open movie theaters, make sure you Do The Right Thing and listen to him. According to the article, Lee’s next film is the Chadwick Boseman-led war drama Da 5 Bloods, which will be available for streaming on Netflix.
It appears that Hollywood is getting along without movie theaters just fine. Many production companies and film studios are either pushing film release dates back several months, or opting to partner with streaming services to drop their projects. For instance, the animated film Trolls World Tour became available for digital rental via Amazon Prime Video on April 10, while the Issa Rae and Kumail Nanjiani comedy The Lovebirds, which was originally scheduled for release in theaters on April 3, will premiere on Netflix May 22.


theroot--2020-04-23--Pharrell Williams Partners With SoundCloud to Release Compilation for Emerging Artists, Raise Funds

Pharrell Williams Partners With SoundCloud to Release Compilation for Emerging Artists, Raise Funds for Charities

With names like The Clipse , Kelis and Robin Thicke to his credit , it ’ s not a secret that super-producer Pharrell Williams has a knack for breaking new artists .
And in looking to continue that tradition , The Man Who Refuses to Age is joining forces with SoundCloud to showcase some of the nicest unsung talent in the music industry today .
Variety reports that the Grammy Award-winning producer will handpick undiscovered artists to be featured on SoundCloud Presents : i am OTHER , Volume 1 .
This compilation will merge music from a variety of styles @ @ @ @ @ @ @ global community and it will benefit two charities : Sweet Relief and Help Musicians .
“ For our shared passion and vision for music , @ i_am_OTHER and I are teaming up with @ SoundCloud to discover the next creators , ” Pharrell posted on Instagram .
“ Starting today you can tag # SCxiamOTHER on your SoundCloud track for a chance to be featured on a compilation we ’ re working on.
” According to SoundCloud , its platform has experienced a 50 percent increase in uploads ever since the coronavirus pandemic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ March .
And while musicians and music professionals have struggled to survive as the entertainment industry faces arguably its greatest challenge yet , SoundCloud has provided a sanctuary and creative outlet for talented creators around the world .
So if you have an innovative song that reflects our current climate , promotes a positive message and pushes the boundaries of music , here ’ s how you can be a part of this opportunity : • Upload your tracks to SoundCloud and include the hashtag # SCxiamOTHER • Pharrell , i am OTHER @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a minimum of 10 tracks from independent , emerging artists to be featured on SoundCloud presents : i am OTHER , Volume 1 .
There ’ s no limit on submissions , so upload often to maximize your chances .
• In addition to a spot on the album , selected artists will be fast-tracked into SoundCloud ’ s premium marketing services program , Repost Select , and receive funding for upcoming projects from our recently announced $ 10M creator accelerator fund along with additional promotion and marketing support .
Artists selected to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ May 6 , 2020 .
Go forth and be blessed .

Jay Connor on The Grapevine, shared by Jay Connor to The Root

With names like The Clipse, Kelis and Robin Thicke to his credit, it’s not a secret that super-producer Pharrell Williams has a knack for breaking new artists. And in looking to continue that tradition, The Man Who Refuses to Age is joining forces with SoundCloud to showcase some of the nicest unsung talent in the music industry today.
Variety reports that the Grammy Award-winning producer will handpick undiscovered artists to be featured on SoundCloud Presents: i am OTHER, Volume 1. This compilation will merge music from a variety of styles and genres derived from SoundCloud’s global community and it will benefit two charities: Sweet Relief and Help Musicians.
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“For our shared passion and vision for music, @i_am_OTHER and I are teaming up with @SoundCloud to discover the next creators,” Pharrell posted on Instagram. “Starting today you can tag #SCxiamOTHER on your SoundCloud track for a chance to be featured on a compilation we’re working on.”
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According to SoundCloud, its platform has experienced a 50 percent increase in uploads ever since the coronavirus pandemic shut down most of the globe in March. And while musicians and music professionals have struggled to survive as the entertainment industry faces arguably its greatest challenge yet, SoundCloud has provided a sanctuary and creative outlet for talented creators around the world.
So if you have an innovative song that reflects our current climate, promotes a positive message and pushes the boundaries of music, here’s how you can be a part of this opportunity:
Upload your tracks to SoundCloud and include the hashtag #SCxiamOTHER
Pharrell, i am OTHER and SoundCloud will review submissions and select a minimum of 10 tracks from independent, emerging artists to be featured on SoundCloud presents: i am OTHER, Volume 1. There’s no limit on submissions, so upload often to maximize your chances.
In addition to a spot on the album, selected artists will be fast-tracked into SoundCloud’s premium marketing services program, Repost Select, and receive funding for upcoming projects from our recently announced $10M creator accelerator fund along with additional promotion and marketing support.
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Artists selected to participate will be notified via SoundCloud by May 6, 2020.
Go forth and be blessed.


theroot--2020-04-23--Trump Lies, Science Doesn't. So Scientists Aren’t Faring Well With This Administration

Anyone who knows me knows that she and I broke up a while ago .
Whatever .
I didn ’ t like seafood and she wouldn ’ t hear of it .
My dating Tracee Ellis Ross is a lie , but in Trump ’ s world , there are a few unsophisticated ways that I can push this lie as truth , and while it wouldn ’ t work on anyone that made it past the ninth grade , there are some who would walk away thinking that I and that famous actress once had a thing .
( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but if you are reading this , Tracee , feel free to hop in the DM .
I kid—unless you are serious .
What I ’ m saying , Tracee , is I ’ m willing to risk it all . )
The first Trumpian trick is to state the falsehood as fact .
The second is to make overly broad statements that aren ’ t easily provable and , in that vein , are easily deniable .
You have to say things like “ Scores of people have talked about how lovely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Several people have come up to me and said that I should leave Tracee , but I keep holding on.
” The third is to control the narrative by limiting those who will point out the lie .
No matter what happens , I can never let you speak with Tracee because she will clearly say , “ Who the fuck is this nigga ?
” And while this generally works with normal lies like building that dumb-ass wall along the Mexican border , the draft-dodging , self-proclaimed “ war president ” @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s not the silent , unseen coronavirus— it ’ s science .
And it works like this : Science is fact-based and Trump is a liar , and therefore Trump and scientists from Dr. Anthony Fauci , the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases to Dr. Rick Bright , the director of the Department of Health and Human Services ’ Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority ( BARDA ) , have butted heads or been silenced during this global pandemic because Trump is a liar and scientists , based @ @ @ @ @ @ @ supposed to be out here lying .
If anything is to be learned here , it ’ s the treatment of Dr. Rick Bright during this pandemic .
Until this week , Dr .
Bright led the agency working on a coronavirus vaccine—and he says he was removed from that job because he challenged the Trump administration ’ s insistence on promoting an unproven drug to the public , according to the New York Times .
A drug that was not only found to be ineffective but , in some cases , deadly @ @ @ @ @ @ @ find a vaccine for this fucked-up virus was put on the sideline for pushing the truth and trying to prevent people from dying .
Now , he ’ s been reassigned to some bullshit job because Trump ’ s ego trumps all .
“ I believe this transfer was in response to my insistence that the government invest the billions of dollars allocated by Congress to address the Covid-19 pandemic into safe and scientifically vetted solutions , and not in drugs , vaccines and other technologies that lack scientific merit , ” he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
“ I am speaking out because to combat this deadly virus , science—not politics or cronyism—has to lead the way.
” And while Dr .
Bright didn ’ t name Trump specifically , he ’ s clearly fed up with his bullshit .
“ My professional background has prepared me for a moment like this—to confront and defeat a deadly virus that threatens Americans and people around the globe , ” Dr .
Bright wrote .
“ To this point , I have led the government ’ s efforts to invest in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Covid-19 pandemic .
“ Unfortunately , this resulted in clashes with H.H.S .
[ Health and Human Services ] political leadership , including criticism for my proactive efforts to invest early into vaccines and supplies critical to saving American lives .
I also resisted efforts to fund potentially dangerous drugs promoted by those with political connections , ” he said , adding that hydroxychloroquine was “ promoted by the administration as a panacea , but which clearly lack scientific merit.
” And , because Trump wasn ’ t done , on Wednesday , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Redfield , director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention , after Redfield told the Washington Post that dealing with the flu and a coronavirus outbreak in fall and winter “ will actually be even more difficult than the one we just went through , ” adding that calls and protests to “ liberate ” states from stay-at-home orders—as President Trump has tweeted—were “ not helpful.
” Trump went on Twitter ( shocker ! )
to claim that Redfield was misquoted and the story was fake news .
Trump then paraded Redfield @ @ @ @ @ @ @ briefings to clear the whole thing up , and Redfield tried to backtrack on his earlier claims : “ I didn ’ t say that this was going to be worse , ” Redfield said , the Washington Post reports .
“ I said it was going to be more difficult and potentially complicated because we ’ ll have flu and coronavirus circulating at the same time .
It ’ s more difficult ’ doesn ’ t mean it ’ s going to be more impossible.
” Basically , Trump punked him into @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Trump is fighting for re-election and is willing to do anything to win , including smearing shit all over the camera and telling you that the image you ’ re seeing is perfect .
Well , the whole thing stinks .
While Redfield tried to soften his words , he had to admit that he ’ d been accurately quoted .
Dr. Fauci , however , is not here for Trump ’ s lies and has the temperament of a Southern auntie , which is why his biting truths might be a little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the same press conference in which Trump kept touting that there could not be a threat of coronavirus in fall and winter and that if Jon Snow could beat the White Walkers , he could do anything , Dr. Fauci took to the mic and said , “ I don ’ t know what the fuck this dude is talking about but coronavirus is the new Cash Money Records and they are taking over for 2020 and beyond.
” OK , fine he didn ’ t say that but what he did say @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the fall .
I am convinced of that because of the degree of transmissibility that it has , the global nature .
What happens with that will depend on how we ’ re able to contain it when it occurs.
” While doctors may find themselves in a precarious situation while trying to maintain employment by placating a liar , science will be sitting here undefeated and defiant .
Science is the ultimate truth-teller and Trump can ’ t manipulate science the way that he can people , which means that Trump @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hopefully , this spells the end of his presidency .

I’m currently dating Tracee Ellis Ross.
That is a lie.
Anyone who knows me knows that she and I broke up a while ago. Whatever. I didn’t like seafood and she wouldn’t hear of it.
My dating Tracee Ellis Ross is a lie, but in Trump’s world, there are a few unsophisticated ways that I can push this lie as truth, and while it wouldn’t work on anyone that made it past the ninth grade, there are some who would walk away thinking that I and that famous actress once had a thing. (I’m happily married btw, but if you are reading this, Tracee, feel free to hop in the DM. I kid—unless you are serious. What I’m saying, Tracee, is I’m willing to risk it all.)
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The first Trumpian trick is to state the falsehood as fact. The second is to make overly broad statements that aren’t easily provable and, in that vein, are easily deniable. You have to say things like “Scores of people have talked about how lovely Tracee and I look together” and “Several people have come up to me and said that I should leave Tracee, but I keep holding on.” The third is to control the narrative by limiting those who will point out the lie. No matter what happens, I can never let you speak with Tracee because she will clearly say, “Who the fuck is this nigga?”
And while this generally works with normal lies like building that dumb-ass wall along the Mexican border, the draft-dodging, self-proclaimed “war president” has met his match and it’s not the silent, unseen coronavirus—
it’s science.
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And it works like this: Science is fact-based and Trump is a liar, and therefore Trump and scientists from Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases to Dr. Rick Bright, the director of the Department of Health and Human Services’ Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority (BARDA), have butted heads or been silenced during this global pandemic because Trump is a liar and scientists, based on their profession, aren’t supposed to be out here lying.
If anything is to be learned here, it’s the treatment of Dr. Rick Bright during this pandemic. Until this week, Dr. Bright led the agency working on a coronavirus vaccine—and he says he was removed from that job because he challenged the Trump administration’s insistence on promoting an unproven drug to the public, according to the New York Times. A drug that was not only found to be ineffective but, in some cases, deadly. The guy leading the charge to find a vaccine for this fucked-up virus was put on the sideline for pushing the truth and trying to prevent people from dying. Now, he’s been reassigned to some bullshit job because Trump’s ego trumps all.
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“I believe this transfer was in response to my insistence that the government invest the billions of dollars allocated by Congress to address the Covid-19 pandemic into safe and scientifically vetted solutions, and not in drugs, vaccines and other technologies that lack scientific merit,” he said in a statement to the Times. “I am speaking out because to combat this deadly virus, science—not politics or cronyism—has to lead the way.”
And while Dr. Bright didn’t name Trump specifically, he’s clearly fed up with his bullshit.
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“My professional background has prepared me for a moment like this—to confront and defeat a deadly virus that threatens Americans and people around the globe,” Dr. Bright wrote. “To this point, I have led the government’s efforts to invest in the best science available to combat the Covid-19 pandemic.
“Unfortunately, this resulted in clashes with H.H.S. [Health and Human Services] political leadership, including criticism for my proactive efforts to invest early into vaccines and supplies critical to saving American lives. I also resisted efforts to fund potentially dangerous drugs promoted by those with political connections,” he said, adding that hydroxychloroquine was “promoted by the administration as a panacea, but which clearly lack scientific merit.”
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And, because Trump wasn’t done, on Wednesday, he played the shit out of Robert Redfield, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, after Redfield told the Washington Post that dealing with the flu and a coronavirus outbreak in fall and winter “will actually be even more difficult than the one we just went through,” adding that calls and protests to “liberate” states from stay-at-home orders—as President Trump has tweeted—were “not helpful.”
Trump went on Twitter (shocker!) to claim that Redfield was misquoted and the story was fake news. Trump then paraded Redfield out during his daily White House coronavirus briefings to clear the whole thing up, and Redfield tried to backtrack on his earlier claims:
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“I didn’t say that this was going to be worse,” Redfield said, the Washington Post reports. “I said it was going to be more difficult and potentially complicated because we’ll have flu and coronavirus circulating at the same time. It’s more difficult’ doesn’t mean it’s going to be more impossible.”
Basically, Trump punked him into walking his scientifically verified statement back because Trump is fighting for re-election and is willing to do anything to win, including smearing shit all over the camera and telling you that the image you’re seeing is perfect. Well, the whole thing stinks.
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While Redfield tried to soften his words, he had to admit that he’d been accurately quoted. Dr. Fauci, however, is not here for Trump’s lies and has the temperament of a Southern auntie, which is why his biting truths might be a little easier for Trump to swallow. During the same press conference in which Trump kept touting that there could not be a threat of coronavirus in fall and winter and that if Jon Snow could beat the White Walkers, he could do anything, Dr. Fauci took to the mic and said, “I don’t know what the fuck this dude is talking about but coronavirus is the new Cash Money Records and they are taking over for 2020 and beyond.”
OK, fine he didn’t say that but what he did say was: “We will have coronavirus in the fall. I am convinced of that because of the degree of transmissibility that it has, the global nature. What happens with that will depend on how we’re able to contain it when it occurs.”
Advertisement
While doctors may find themselves in a precarious situation while trying to maintain employment by placating a liar, science will be sitting here undefeated and defiant. Science is the ultimate truth-teller and Trump can’t manipulate science the way that he can people, which means that Trump may have met his match, and hopefully, this spells the end of his presidency.


theroot--2020-04-23--Ramadan 2020 and COVID-19: How Will Black Muslims Be Affected?

“ During this time , as far as I ’ m concerned , the entire Earth is a masjid or a place of prayer .
And I feel like I should be able to find God wherever I am .
And for me , avoiding gatherings is not just respecting and protecting people ’ s lives , but it is also an act of obedience to God.
” — Zaheer Ali Ramadan begins this evening , and for many Muslims around the world , the holiday will look a lot different this year .
The holy month of Ramadan , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ prayer , and attending mosque , social and other religious gatherings between families and friends to break fast continues through May 23rd .
Practicing Ramadan during the worldwide pandemic of COVID-19 will present unique challenges during a time when many religious spaces are closed for safety and social gatherings are banned in countries across the globe .
We gathered a few prominent black Muslims , including Indiana Congressman André Carson , to shed light on their beloved Ramadan traditions and how these practices will or will not be altered by the coronavirus pandemic @ @ @ @


theroot--2020-04-23--Jason Mitchell Reportedly Arrested on Felony Weapon and Drug Charges in Mississippi

Jason Mitchell has entangled himself in some mess again .
According to online records obtained by TMZ , Mitchell ( The Chi , Straight Outta Compton , Zola ) was arrested Wednesday and taken to Harrison County Jail in Mississippi and currently fac es four felony charges .
Jason , who played Eazy-E in the N.W.A biopic , is facing two felony charges for possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute , plus two more felony charges for possession of a weapon by a felon .
Jail records indicate Jason was busted with two guns , including a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ AK47 semi-automatic pistol .
Mitchell , who initially gained professional momentum after acclaimed performances in Mudbound and Straight Outta Compton has been on a rapid downward spiral following sexual misconduct allegations against him during his tenure on The Chi .
“ At the end of the day I do have to take my ‘ L ’ and say , I did make myself subject to these situations .
Had I not went anywhere with this lady and had to drop her off at home , I wouldn ’ t be in this situation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ back in November , which was his first big interview in response to the allegations .
The Root has reached out to Mitchell ’ s team for comment on this matter .

Tonja Renée Stidhum on The Grapevine, shared by Tonja Renée Stidhum to The Root

Jason Mitchell has entangled himself in some mess again.
According to online records obtained by TMZ, Mitchell (The Chi, Straight Outta Compton, Zola) was arrested Wednesday and taken to Harrison County Jail in Mississippi and currently fac es four felony charges.
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TMZ reports:
Jason, who played Eazy-E in the N.W.A biopic, is facing two felony charges for possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute, plus two more felony charges for possession of a weapon by a felon. Jail records indicate Jason was busted with two guns, including a Glock 19 pistol and a mini Draco AK47 semi-automatic pistol.
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Mitchell, who initially gained professional momentum after acclaimed performances in Mudbound and Straight Outta Compton has been on a rapid downward spiral following sexual misconduct allegations against him during his tenure on The Chi.
“At the end of the day I do have to take my ‘L’ and say, I did make myself subject to these situations. Had I not went anywhere with this lady and had to drop her off at home, I wouldn’t be in this situation,” Mitchell told The Breakfast Club back in November, which was his first big interview in response to the allegations.
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The Root has reached out to Mitchell’s team for comment on this matter.


theroot--2020-04-23--I Wanna Dance With Somebody: Stella Meghie to Direct Whitney Houston Biopic Produced by Pat Houston

It looks like an authorized feature biopic is coming together for the late Whitney Houston .
According to Deadline , Stella Meghie ( The Weekend , The Photograph ) is currently in negotiations to direct the film titled , I Wan na Dance With Somebody .
Deadline also noted that Meghie “ is a huge fan of Houston and chased this job hard.
” The upcoming biopic is described by producers as a “ joyous , emotional and heart-breaking celebration of the life and music of the greatest female R & B pop vocalist of all time , tracking her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ While being very frank about the price that super-stardom exacted , it will be both the rich and complex saga of the search for the perfect marriage between song and singer and audience , and at the same time the moving tale of a simple Jersey girl trying to find her way back home.
” Anthony McCarten ( The Two Popes , Bohemian Rhapsody ) will pen the script as well as serve as producer .
Joining the producer lineup will be Pat Houston on behalf of The Whitney Houston Estate , Primary @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Estate of Whitney Houston is more than elated to be involved with a group of people that are as passionate about Whitney ’ s life story as we are , ” Pat said in a statement on behalf of the Houston Estate .
“ Whitney ’ s legacy deserves only the best that can be given .
I stand with the hearts of these partners being the chosen ones to produce a film that ’ s uplifting and inspiring to all that loved her , giving you a reason to continue to celebrate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ love with and will cherish forever !
” Meghie recently added commentary to the Teddy Riley vs. Babyface battle on Monday evening , aptly tweeting , “ It ’ s only right to end on Whitney.
” Little did we know that this tweet was layered .
“ From all my personal and professional experience with Whitney from her late teenage years to her tragic premature death , I know the full Whitney Houston story has not yet been told , ” Davis noted in a statement .
“ I am so glad @ @ @ @ @ @ @ no holds barred , musically rich screenplay that finally reveals the whole Whitney whose vocal genius deeply affected the world while she fiercely battled the demons that were to be her undoing ” .
Twitter reacted to the news and though many were happy for Meghie ’ s new high-profile gig , there was some criticism in regard to the choice of a white male screenwriter .
Of course , the next big news will be—who will land the role of the iconic songstress ?
Whether it is a well-known actress or an @ @ @ @ @ @ @ be on her .

It looks like an authorized feature biopic is coming together for the late Whitney Houston.
According to Deadline, Stella Meghie (The Weekend, The Photograph) is currently in negotiations to direct the film titled, I Wanna Dance With Somebody. Deadline also noted that Meghie “is a huge fan of Houston and chased this job hard.”
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The upcoming biopic is described by producers as a “joyous, emotional and heart-breaking celebration of the life and music of the greatest female R&B pop vocalist of all time, tracking her journey from obscurity to musical superstardom. While being very frank about the price that super-stardom exacted, it will be both the rich and complex saga of the search for the perfect marriage between song and singer and audience, and at the same time the moving tale of a simple Jersey girl trying to find her way back home.”
Anthony McCarten (The Two Popes, Bohemian Rhapsody) will pen the script as well as serve as producer. Joining the producer lineup will be Pat Houston on behalf of The Whitney Houston Estate, Primary Wave and Clive Davis.
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“The Estate of Whitney Houston is more than elated to be involved with a group of people that are as passionate about Whitney’s life story as we are,” Pat said in a statement on behalf of the Houston Estate. “Whitney’s legacy deserves only the best that can be given. I stand with the hearts of these partners being the chosen ones to produce a film that’s uplifting and inspiring to all that loved her, giving you a reason to continue to celebrate The Voice that we all fell in love with and will cherish forever!”
Meghie recently added commentary to the Teddy Riley vs. Babyface battle on Monday evening, aptly tweeting, “It’s only right to end on Whitney.” Little did we know that this tweet was layered.
Advertisement
“From all my personal and professional experience with Whitney from her late teenage years to her tragic premature death, I know the full Whitney Houston story has not yet been told,” Davis noted in a statement. “I am so glad that Anthony McCarten has committed to a no holds barred, musically rich screenplay that finally reveals the whole Whitney whose vocal genius deeply affected the world while she fiercely battled the demons that were to be her undoing”.
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Twitter reacted to the news and though many were happy for Meghie’s new high-profile gig, there was some criticism in regard to the choice of a white male screenwriter.
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Of course, the next big news will be—who will land the role of the iconic songstress? Whether it is a well-known actress or an undiscovered talent, all eyes will certainly be on her.


theroot--2020-04-23--Golfing While Black: Women Who Had the Cops Called on Them for Playing Too Slowly File Discriminatio

Golfing While Black: Women Who Had the Cops Called on Them for Playing Too Slowly File Discrimination Lawsuit

Two black women who had the cops called on them at a Pennsylvania golf course in 2018 for allegedly playing “ too slow ” can now move forward with a racial and gender discrimination lawsuit against the course ’ s owners .
Myneca Ojo and Karen Crosby filed a federal lawsuit against Brew Vino LLC , owners of the Grandview Golf Course in York , Penn.
, on Monday , reports CNN .
They were part of a group of five women , who called themselves “ Sisters in the Fairway , ” that regularly golfed together .
The lawsuit @ @ @ @ @ @ @ them out , accusing them of not following proper golf etiquette , and called the police on them because they were black women .
Ojo and Crosby decided to go forward with the lawsuit after the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission reviewed their case and found the women had probable cause to believe they were “ profiled , harassed , evicted and subjected to different terms and conditions of service ” because of their race and gender .
The incident occurred just over two years ago .
As they described it to the York @ @ @ @ @ @ @ women were approached by Steve Chronister , who identified himself as the owner of the course , when they were just on the second hole of the course .
“ He said , ‘ You ’ re going too slow .
I ’ ll give you a refund , ’ as if he didn ’ t want us as members , ” Thompson told the Daily Record .
The women played on through the first nine holes .
Unbeknownst to them , Chronister had already called a police officer to the golf course @ @ @ @ @ @ @ confront the women because they had moved ahead , the lawsuit says .
Still , shaken up by the interaction , three of the five women decided to stop playing after completing the first half of the course .
Myneca Ojo and Sandra Thompson decided to continue on to the back nine , where they bumped into another group who arrived at the 10th tee at the same time as them , according to the lawsuit .
The other group told Ojo and Thompson to go ahead since they were going to take @ @ @ @ @ @ @ playing , they were confronted by Jordan Chronister , a golf course employee and Steve Chronister ’ s son , who told them they couldn ’ t “ cut people off.
” Ojo , Thompson , and the other golf group attempted to explain the situation , but their discussions quickly escalated as more golf course employees arrived on the scene , threatening to call the cops on them if they didn ’ t leave .
Video taken of the confrontation went viral , a harbinger of the kind of tense escalations that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : white people overreacting to innocuous “ offenses ” by black people and calling the cops on them .
During the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission ’ s hearing , a member of the other golfing group said he didn ’ t feel as though the women were delaying his group , and that it seemed as though the women were being targeted .
Crosby told CNN this week that the incident ended up discouraging them from continuing to play golf together .
“ This is a small area and there was a lot @ @ @ @ @ @ @ just didn ’ t feel comfortable doing it , ” she said .
With the lawsuit underway , she ’ s encouraged that she and her golfing buddies will have “ some sort of closure to this situation.
” “ Hopefully this year we will be able to play again once this dies down .
We ’ d like to .
”

Two black women who had the cops called on them at a Pennsylvania golf course in 2018 for allegedly playing “too slow” can now move forward with a racial and gender discrimination lawsuit against the course’s owners.
Myneca Ojo and Karen Crosby filed a federal lawsuit against Brew Vino LLC, owners of the Grandview Golf Course in York, Penn., on Monday, reports CNN. They were part of a group of five women, who called themselves “Sisters in the Fairway, ” that regularly golfed together. The lawsuit alleges that the golf course owners singled them out, accusing them of not following proper golf etiquette, and called the police on them because they were black women.
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Ojo and Crosby decided to go forward with the lawsuit after the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission reviewed their case and found the women had probable cause to believe they were “profiled, harassed, evicted and subjected to different terms and conditions of service” because of their race and gender.
The incident occurred just over two years ago. As they described it to the York Daily Record at the time, the women were approached by Steve Chronister, who identified himself as the owner of the course, when they were just on the second hole of the course.
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“He said, ‘You’re going too slow. I’ll give you a refund,’ as if he didn’t want us as members,” Thompson told the Daily Record.
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The women played on through the first nine holes. Unbeknownst to them, Chronister had already called a police officer to the golf course, but told the cop not to confront the women because they had moved ahead, the lawsuit says. Still, shaken up by the interaction, three of the five women decided to stop playing after completing the first half of the course.
Myneca Ojo and Sandra Thompson decided to continue on to the back nine, where they bumped into another group who arrived at the 10th tee at the same time as them, according to the lawsuit. The other group told Ojo and Thompson to go ahead since they were going to take a break. When the women began playing, they were confronted by Jordan Chronister, a golf course employee and Steve Chronister’s son, who told them they couldn’t “cut people off.”
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Ojo, Thompson, and the other golf group attempted to explain the situation, but their discussions quickly escalated as more golf course employees arrived on the scene, threatening to call the cops on them if they didn’t leave.
Video taken of the confrontation went viral, a harbinger of the kind of tense escalations that cropped up across the country that year: white people overreacting to innocuous “offenses” by black people and calling the cops on them.
During the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission’s hearing, a member of the other golfing group said he didn’t feel as though the women were delaying his group, and that it seemed as though the women were being targeted.
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Crosby told CNN this week that the incident ended up discouraging them from continuing to play golf together.
“This is a small area and there was a lot of attention brought to it, we just didn’t feel comfortable doing it,” she said. With the lawsuit underway, she’s encouraged that she and her golfing buddies will have “some sort of closure to this situation.”
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“Hopefully this year we will be able to play again once this dies down. We’d like to.”


theroot--2020-04-23--You and Bae Can Reach Your Peak With an Ella Paradis Vibrator Bundle

Boring , long nights these days are the name of the game , so why not add excitement , especially @ @ @ @ @ up with a partner ?
Ella Paradis is offering a totally pleasurable deal where you @ @ @ @ @ you and bae to have the orgasms of your life for only $ 40 !
@ @ @ @ @ these vibes would cost you about $ 100 , but you ’ re basically getting @ @ @ @ @ Sure does sound satisfying to me—grab this deal before it ’ s gone !

Ignacia on Kinja Deals, shared by Ignacia to The Root

Better Love Weekend at Ella’s Bundle | $49 | Ella Paradis
Boring, long nights these days are the name of the game, so why not add excitement, especially if you’re bunkered up with a partner? Ella Paradis is offering a totally pleasurable deal where you get two amazing vibrators, bath bombs, and lace cuffs for you and bae to have the orgasms of your life (together or apart) for only $49! Yup. Usually, both these vibes and their accessories would cost you about $146 , but you’re basically getting more than half off! Sure does sound satisfying to me—grab this deal before it’s gone!
This story was originally published by Ignacia Fulcher on 4/24/2020 and updated by Gabe Carey with new information on 4/27/2020.


theroot--2020-04-23--Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and More Slated to Perform During Feeding America's Livestream Comedy Festi

Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and More Slated to Perform During Feeding America's Livestream Comedy Festival

Laughter is some of the best medicine during trying times such as this pandemic , which is why some of the biggest names in comedy are coming together for a great cause .
Standup and sketch comedy stars like Eddie Murphy , Chris Rock , Kevin Hart , Tiffany Haddish , Marlon Wayans , Sheryl Underwood , Kenan Thompson and many more are slated to appear in pre-recorded comedy segments during Byron Allen ’ s Feeding America Comedy Festival live stream event , which will raise money for the hunger-relief organization Feeding America and its vast network of food banks @ @ @ @ @ @ @ We are extremely motivated to bring attention to issues of food insecurity , and to assist in providing meals to families across the country who are financially impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic , ” Allen said of the all-star event .
“ The coronavirus pandemic and the economic downturn it has created is shining a light on the fragile nature of people ’ s household budgets , ” Claire Babineaux-Fontenot , CEO of Feeding America , said in a statement to THR .
“ Millions more of our neighbors are turning to food @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thank Byron Allen and Allen Media Group enough for their support to raise funds and awareness of our work.
” According to THR , the event “ will be live-streamed on the Allen Media Group television networks Comedy.TV and The Weather Channel from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m .
ET on May 9 .
”

Laughter is some of the best medicine during trying times such as this pandemic , which is why some of the biggest names in comedy are coming together for a great cause.
Standup and sketch comedy stars like Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Kevin Hart, Tiffany Haddish, Marlon Wayans, Sheryl Underwood, Kenan Thompson and many more are slated to appear in pre-recorded comedy segments during Byron Allen’s Feeding America Comedy Festival live stream event, which will raise money for the hunger-relief organization Feeding America and its vast network of food banks, the Hollywood Reporter reported.
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“We are extremely motivated to bring attention to issues of food insecurity, and to assist in providing meals to families across the country who are financially impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic,” Allen said of the all-star event .
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“The coronavirus pandemic and the economic downturn it has created is shining a light on the fragile nature of people’s household budgets,” Claire Babineaux-Fontenot, CEO of Feeding America, said in a statement to THR . “Millions more of our neighbors are turning to food banks for help and we cannot thank Byron Allen and Allen Media Group enough for their support to raise funds and awareness of our work.”
According to THR , the event “will be live-streamed on the Allen Media Group television networks Comedy.TV and The Weather Channel from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. ET on May 9.”


theroot--2020-04-23--Black 'Versuz' White: 10 Battles America Needs to See

I know , I know ... Why must I make everything about race ?
“ Jagged Little Pill ” was my shit , but I hooped and hollered when Hootie and the Blowfish bested Alannis Morissette for the 1995 Best New Artist Grammy .
Even though Naomi Osaka represents Japan , don ’ t tell me you don ’ t root for her when she ’ s playing against tennis players not named Serena Williams .
And , whenever I watch a football game between two teams I have no interest in , I use the ranking system employed by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ team I want to win : • The team with the black quarterback • The team with the black head coach • The team from the blackest city • The team with two black cheerleaders ( NCAA and NFL rules have a two-negro cheerleader maximum . )
• The team with the most players wearing dreadlocks If we ’ re being honest , we all subconsciously choose sides and there ’ s nothing wrong with rooting for people who look like you .
Now that everyone besides Georgia and people who enjoy coughing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with no other sports besides Instagram battles , The Root thought it might be fun to imagine a few matchups pitting the people who dominate sports against the group who usually own the teams .
Keep in mind that these matchups will probably never happen .
But until Dr. Anthony Fauci informs us that outside is no longer on a murderous rampage , we can at least imagine what these battles would look like .
If there were a competition between boy bands , we ’ d have to let the white people @ @ @ @ @ @ @ basically stole and whitewashed the blues .
In spite of me not being able to sing a single Beatles song , they get the best of the Temptations because , despite what he might say , ain ’ t nobody came to see Otis .
But New Edition would beat N ’ Sync like they stole something and you ’ d probably have to turn away from the television set when Boyz II Men dog-walked New Kids on the Block .
When Jo-Jo starts wailing during the Jodeci versus Color Me Badd matchup @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in and stop the fight ?
Wait ...
I just thought about the Jackson 5 against the Osmonds and started crying .
Tiebreaker : The Blues Brothers vs .
The Five Heartbeats If the black games faced off against white games , we know Spades would have a tough time against Poker but could Tonk beat Go Fish ?
And what happens when Dominos faces Jenga ?
Who will face Double Dutch ?
Hopscotch or Charades ?
We will have security posted so violence doesn ’ t break out when Hot Hands ( @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Circle Game but we will also allow betting when Darts goes up against Cee-Lo to a tiebreaker .
When it comes to Uno , the competition committee has decided that Black Uno will have to face off against White Uno because the Caucasian competitors might not know what to do when your cousin Sheila lays her Draw Four on top of Hayleigh ’ s Draw Four and waits patiently for the next person to pull eight cards from the deck .
8 .
Girls Just Want to Have Fun Here are the preliminary @ @ @ @ @ @ @ somewhat alike : • Round 2 : Celine Dion vs. Mariah Carey ( They gon ’ be sanging ) • Round 3 : Madonna vs. Janet Jackson ( I ’ m not nasty so I don ’ t call her “ Miss Jackson ” ) • Round 4 .
Amy Winehouse vs. Lauryn Hill ( Lauryn would still arrive later than Amy ) • Round 5 : Shania Twain vs. Erykah Badu ( Queen of Country vs. the Queen of N eo-S oul ) • Round 6 : Britney Spears vs. Mary J.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ ) • Round 7 : Lady Gaga vs. Alicia Keys ( You need some time to go to the refrigerator ) • Round 8 .
Katy Perry vs. Rihanna ( makeup will not be judged ) • Round 9 : Adele vs. Whitney Houston ( I know it ’ s two different eras , but the matchup , though… ) Does everybody hate Chris more than they love Raymond ?
There ’ s only one way to find out .
Of course , Friends would get murked by Living Single , but what @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Sanford and Son ?
I ’ ve been waiting for George and Weezy to go H.A.M against Archie and Edith .
Where would you rather hang out : In The Pit on A Different World or at Arnold ’ s on Happy Days ?
The Fonz was probably cooler than Dwayne Wayne , but why was he hanging around high school students all the time ?
Did he even have a college degree ?
We ’ re probably gon na need Theo , Denise , Sandra , Vanessa , Olivia and Cousin Pam @ @ @ @ @ @ @ any hope against The Brady Bunch .
Shit , we may even have to call in Cockroach to help out .
Sleeper matchup : The Simpsons vs .
The Boondocks Speaking of sitcoms , which theme songs slap the hardest ?
I ’ ll be honest , the theme song from Golden Girls might get Good Times in the first round , but it ’ s gon na be tough to beat The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and The Jeffersons back-to-back .
They ’ re gon na have to come with something hard @ @ @ @ @ @ @ The refrain slaps . )
In fact , we already have a tournament lined up .
This one might be a little too high-concept but it ’ s an interesting idea : What if basslines from black music faced off against the greatest riffs and guitar solos ever played by white fingers ?
You know how we get excited when we ’ re reminded that Cash Money took over for the 9-9 and 2000s ?
Well , white people feel the same way when they hear the opening to “ Sweet Child O @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ For the Love of Money ” better than the opening of “ Smells Like Teen Spirit ?
” Shit , they ’ d tell you that the bassline in “ Give the People What They Want ” doesn ’ t hold a candle to the guitar solo in “ Stairway to Heaven.
” As long as they didn ’ t get to use “ Another One Bites The Dust , ” I ’ d take Bootsy Collins , and forgotten classics like “ Act Like You Know , ” and let them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ever strummed .
Tiebreaker : “ Smoke on the Water ” vs. “ Billie Jean ” I know you think this is a no-brainer , but how do you know that you don ’ t like raisins in your potato salad until you try it ?
But that ’ s not what this is .
This battle would pit our favorite foods against theirs .
For instance , your Aunt ’ s Marvell ’ s macaroni and cheese would have to go against an Italian mother ’ s spaghetti .
I volunteer to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ City faces a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich .
I might even participate in the dressing vs. stuffing round but I ’ ll have to sit out the rumble between green bean casserole and gumbo .
Now I know some people will argue that there is no such thing as “ black food ” or “ white food.
” I ’ m talking about attending a white church versus a black church .
This may seem like a no-brainer at first , but white churches only pass the collection plate once and their deaconry doesn @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shoes .
Plus they are out of church every Sunday by 12:19 p.m. Of course , we ’ d win the head-to-head choir battle because they read their gospel songs out of a hymnal and rarely feature tambourinists as talented as this guy : But aside from the music , the battle would be pretty intense .
For instance , pipe organists at white churches don ’ t seem to be prepared with a selection of shouting music when the Holy Ghost comes .
And have you noticed that white churches have better @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a balmy 69 degrees in places where white people worship .
Even though I have no idea what it means , I ’ ve been told a million times that “ black people draw heat.
” I think it ’ s a conspiracy between the church fan industry and the funeral home lobbyists .
Or maybe the Holy Ghost can only come when the temperature is above 86 degrees .
Tiebreaker : The Lord working in mysterious ways , His wonders to perform vs .
Him being good all the time and all @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1 .
A Plate at “ The Cookout ” vs. A Seat at “ The Table ” This is the hardest one of all .
Would you rather have an invitation to the proverbial cookout or a seat at the infamous “ table ?
” Before you make your decision , there are a few things you must consider : • Who invited you ?
I always wonder why anyone would want to eat with the people who have barely offered us table scraps for 400 years but then again , you might @ @ @ @ @ @ @ meaning you have to eat “ light bread ” with your hot dogs and hamburgers .
• How is the food ?
I have a theory that the amount of seasoning used at dinner is inversely proportional to the exclusivity of the guest list .
That ’ s why the best food is served at cookouts and family reunions while the chicken at a State Dinners or anything called a soiree ” usually tastes like it was seasoned with multiple-choice questions from a 7th-grade social studies quiz .
• Who all gon ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you are , you are equal to everyone else at the cookout .
Barack Obama ’ s cousins would roast his ass to death if he wore those high-waisted slacks to a black kickback .
The people who already have a seat at the table will treat you with polite respect but they will slit your throat if they have the chance .
And they make terrible spades partners .
They always renege .
• What happens there ?
Why are we just now discovering this table ?
What were they saying before @ @ @ @ @ @ @ white people ’ s imaginations run wild about what goes on at “ the cookout , ” but we mostly just learn line dances while your aunt reminds you about that one night 16 years ago that you did something seriously stupid when you spent the night at your cousin ’ s house .
• Does your attendance mean anything ?
Imagine living in a society so inherently tilted against you , the powers that be pretend you don ’ t exist unless you are sitting right in front of them .
Imagine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that you began to think you could have the same power and control if you could just be seated in the same proximity as your oppressor .
Now imagine being a part of a people with a history and culture so thick and bitter and syrupy sweet that it can make a time machine out of a song .
And even when that rhythmic art is played through shitty speakers into a shitty microphone and relayed to even shittier smartphone speakers around the world , it still made you dance .
It still @ @ @ @ @ @ @ scariest time of your life , as death lurked outside your windowsill and lingered in the air you breathed , that cultural muscle memory still evoked joy and laughter .
Why the fuck would you ever want to sit at another table ?

I know, I know...Why must I make everything about race?
Because it’s fun!
“Jagged Little Pill” was my shit, but I hooped and hollered when Hootie and the Blowfish bested Alannis Morissette for the 1995 Best New Artist Grammy. Even though Naomi Osaka represents Japan, don’t tell me you don’t root for her when she’s playing against tennis players not named Serena Williams. And, whenever I watch a football game between two teams I have no interest in, I use the ranking system employed by all of black America to determine which team I want to win:
The team with the black quarterback The team with the black head coach The team from the blackest city The team with two black cheerleaders (NCAA and NFL rules have a two-negro cheerleader maximum.) The team with the most players wearing dreadlocks
If we’re being honest, we all subconsciously choose sides and there’s nothing wrong with rooting for people who look like you. Now that everyone besides Georgia and people who enjoy coughing to death is locked in our homes with no other sports besides Instagram battles, The Root thought it might be fun to imagine a few matchups pitting the people who dominate sports against the group who usually own the teams.
Keep in mind that these matchups will probably never happen. But until Dr. Anthony Fauci informs us that outside is no longer on a murderous rampage, we can at least imagine what these battles would look like.
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10. The Boy Band Brawl
If there were a competition between boy bands, we’d have to let the white people have the Beatles, even though they basically stole and whitewashed the blues. In spite of me not being able to sing a single Beatles song, they get the best of the Temptations because, despite what he might say, ain’t nobody came to see Otis.
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But New Edition would beat N’Sync like they stole something and you’d probably have to turn away from the television set when Boyz II Men dog-walked New Kids on the Block. When Jo-Jo starts wailing during the Jodeci versus Color Me Badd matchup, will the referee have to step in and stop the fight?
Wait...I just thought about the Jackson 5 against the Osmonds and started crying.
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Tito, get me a tissue.
Tiebreaker: The Blues Brothers vs. The Five Heartbeats
9. Throne of Games
If the black games faced off against white games, we know Spades would have a tough time against Poker but could Tonk beat Go Fish? And what happens when Dominos faces Jenga? Who will face Double Dutch? Hopscotch or Charades? We will have security posted so violence doesn’t break out when Hot Hands (or “slapsies”) faces the Circle Game but we will also allow betting when Darts goes up against Cee-Lo to a tiebreaker.
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When it comes to Uno, the competition committee has decided that Black Uno will have to face off against White Uno because the Caucasian competitors might not know what to do when your cousin Sheila lays her Draw Four on top of Hayleigh’s Draw Four and waits patiently for the next person to pull eight cards from the deck.
Sleeper Matchup: Hide-and-Go-Seek vs. Hide-and-Go-Get-It.
8. Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Here are the preliminary matchups of female pop stars who are somewhat alike:
Round 1: Barbara Streisand vs. Aretha Franklin (White Icon vs Black Icon )
Barbara Streisand vs. Aretha Franklin (White Icon vs Black Icon ) Round 2: Celine Dion vs. Mariah Carey (They gon’ be sanging)
Celine Dion vs. Mariah Carey (They gon’ be sanging) Round 3: Madonna vs. Janet Jackson (I’m not nasty so I don’t call her “Miss Jackson”)
Madonna vs. Janet Jackson (I’m not nasty so I don’t call her “Miss Jackson”) Round 4. Amy Winehouse vs. Lauryn Hill (Lauryn would still arrive later than Amy)
Amy Winehouse vs. Lauryn Hill (Lauryn would still arrive later than Amy) Round 5: Shania Twain vs. Erykah Badu (Queen of Country vs. the Queen of N eo-S oul)
Shania Twain vs. Erykah Badu (Queen of Country vs. the Queen of N eo-S oul) Round 6: Britney Spears vs. Mary J. Blige (Dancing will not be judged)
Britney Spears vs. Mary J. Blige (Dancing will not be judged) Round 7: Lady Gaga vs. Alicia Keys (You need some time to go to the refrigerator)
Lady Gaga vs. Alicia Keys (You need some time to go to the refrigerator) Round 8. Katy Perry vs. Rihanna (makeup will not be judged)
Katy Perry vs. Rihanna (makeup will not be judged) Round 9 : Adele vs. Whitney Houston (I know it’s two different eras, but the matchup, though…)
: Adele vs. Whitney Houston (I know it’s two different eras, but the matchup, though…) Headliner: Beyoncé vs. Taylor Swift (Lemonade vs. Crystal Light)
Tiebreaker: P!nk vs. Toni Braxton
7. The Sitcom Competition
Does everybody hate Chris more than they love Raymond? There’s only one way to find out.
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Of course, Friends would get murked by Living Single, but what happens when they put Seinfeld up against Sanford and Son? I’ve been waiting for George and Weezy to go H.A.M against Archie and Edith. Where would you rather hang out: In The Pit on A Different World or at Arnold’s on Happy Days? The Fonz was probably cooler than Dwayne Wayne, but why was he hanging around high school students all the time? Did he even have a college degree?
We’re probably gonna need Theo, Denise, Sandra, Vanessa, Olivia and Cousin Pam if we’re gonna have any hope against The Brady Bunch. Shit, we may even have to call in Cockroach to help out.
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Sleeper matchup: The Simpsons vs. The Boondocks
6. Slappingest Theme Song
Speaking of sitcoms, which theme songs slap the hardest?
I’ll be honest, the theme song from Golden Girls might get Good Times in the first round, but it’s gonna be tough to beat The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and The Jeffersons back-to-back. They’re gonna have to come with something hard like Cheers or Facts of Life (The refrain slaps.)
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In fact, we already have a tournament lined up.
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Tiebreaker: Sopranos vs. The Wire
5. White Shoes vs. Black Shoes
This 10-round matchup goes:
Chuck Taylors vs. Stan Smiths Keds vs. Air Force Ones Cowboy Boots vs. Timberlands Vans vs. Shelltoe Adidas Crocs vs. “house shoes” Platform flip flops vs. Timberland Heels Stacy Adams vs. Florsheims Church shoes vs. Boat Shoes Doc Martens vs. Air Jordans Birkenstocks vs. Adidas Slides
Tiebreaker: Louboutins vs Gators
4. Riffs vs Basslines
This one might be a little too high-concept but it’s an interesting idea:
What if basslines from black music faced off against the greatest riffs and guitar solos ever played by white fingers?
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You know how we get excited when we’re reminded that Cash Money took over for the 9-9 and 2000s? Well, white people feel the same way when they hear the opening to “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Is the opening of “For the Love of Money” better than the opening of “Smells Like Teen Spirit?” Shit, they’d tell you that the bassline in “Give the People What They Want” doesn’t hold a candle to the guitar solo in “Stairway to Heaven.” As long as they didn’t get to use “Another One Bites The Dust,” I’d take Bootsy Collins, and forgotten classics like “Act Like You Know,” and let them have all the white guitar players who ever strummed.
Tiebreaker: “Smoke on the Water” vs. “Billie Jean”
3. Food Fight
I know you think this is a no-brainer, but how do you know that you don’t like raisins in your potato salad until you try it?
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But that’s not what this is. This battle would pit our favorite foods against theirs. For instance, your Aunt’s Marvell’s macaroni and cheese would have to go against an Italian mother’s spaghetti. I volunteer to judge when lemon pepper wings from Magic City faces a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich. I might even participate in the dressing vs. stuffing round but I’ll have to sit out the rumble between green bean casserole and gumbo.
Now I know some people will argue that there is no such thing as “black food” or “white food.”
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“Some people” never tasted Karen’s potato salad.
Tiebreaker: Kale vs. Collards
2. White Jesus vs. Black Jesus
Nah, not that.
I’m talking about attending a white church versus a black church. This may seem like a no-brainer at first, but white churches only pass the collection plate once and their deaconry doesn’t even have to wear church shoes. Plus they are out of church every Sunday by 12:19 p.m. Of course, we’d win the head-to-head choir battle because they read their gospel songs out of a hymnal and rarely feature tambourinists as talented as this guy:
But aside from the music, the battle would be pretty intense. For instance, pipe organists at white churches don’t seem to be prepared with a selection of shouting music when the Holy Ghost comes. And have you noticed that white churches have better air conditioning? It’s always a balmy 69 degrees in places where white people worship. Even though I have no idea what it means, I’ve been told a million times that “black people draw heat.” I think it’s a conspiracy between the church fan industry and the funeral home lobbyists.
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Or maybe the Holy Ghost can only come when the temperature is above 86 degrees.
Tiebreaker: The Lord working in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform vs. Him being good all the time and all the time, Him being good.
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1. A Plate at “The Cookout” vs. A Seat at “The Table”
This is the hardest one of all.
Would you rather have an invitation to the proverbial cookout or a seat at the infamous “table?”
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Before you make your decision, there are a few things you must consider: