theroot--2020-07-31--GLAAD Media Awards 2020: Lil Nas X, the Cast of Pose and Wanuri Kahiu's Rafiki Among Winners

The 31st Annual GLAAD Media Awards went down on Thursday night— because a little lockdown won ’ t stop no show !
Comedians Fortune Feimster and Gina Yashere took over hosting duties for the virtual edition of the annual ceremony honoring “ media for fair , accurate , and inclusive representations of LGBTQ people and issues.
” As for entertainment during the ceremony , the young queens of the tennis court stage , Chloe x Halle performed their hit “ Do It ” with RuPaul ’ s Drag Race alums Vanessa Vanjie Mateo , Mayhem Miller and Naomi Smalls .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ Gibbs ( Twenties ) , Angelica Ross , Gabrielle Union , Dwyane Wade , Lena Waithe , Kandi Burruss , Raquel Willis and more .
“ Among this year ’ s nominees are a wide range of stories and narratives about LGBTQ people of different races , ethnicities , genders , religions , and other identities that demonstrate the power of inclusion and diversity in fostering positive cultural change , ” GLAAD President & CEO Sarah Kate Ellis said in a statement , referencing the 175 nominees across 30 categories .
“ As @ @ @ @ @ @ @ virtual , we hope to send a powerful message to LGBTQ people that in the midst of this culturally and politically divisive time , our visibility and voices have never been more important.
” Lil Nas X scooped the Outstanding Music Artist award , Pose was named Outstanding Drama Series ( presented by Union and Wade ) and Wanuri Kahiu ’ s Rafiki scored the Outstanding Film - Limited Release award .
In media , writer , editor and transgender rights activist Raquel Willis ( who several folks have said is my doppelgänger @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Article for her Out Magazine article titled , “ The Trans Obituaries Project.
” As we previously reported , Janet Mock received a special honor for her LGBTQ advocacy efforts .
“ During this era of political and cultural division , LGBTQ images in media are crucial in accelerating acceptance for the LGBTQ community and countering the dangerous rise in anti-LGBTQ rhetoric , ” Ellis said of the winners .
“ This year ’ s award recipients , including Pose and Schitt ’ s Creek , continue to bring necessary mainstream visibility to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ultimately raising the bar for LGBTQ inclusion and representation in media.
” For the complete list of winners at the 31st Annual GLAAD Media Awards , head to glaad.org .

The 31st Annual GLAAD Media Awards went down on Thursday night—because a little lockdown won’t stop no show!
Comedians Fortune Feimster and Gina Yashere took over hosting duties for the virtual edition of the annual ceremony honoring “media for fair, accurate, and inclusive representations of LGBTQ people and issues.” As for entertainment during the ceremony, the young queens of the tennis court stage, Chloe x Halle performed their hit “Do It” with RuPaul’s Drag Race alums Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Mayhem Miller and Naomi Smalls.
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Special guests and presenters included Jonica T. Gibbs (Twenties), Angelica Ross, Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade, Lena Waithe, Kandi Burruss, Raquel Willis and more.
“Among this year’s nominees are a wide range of stories and narratives about LGBTQ people of different races, ethnicities, genders, religions, and other identities that demonstrate the power of inclusion and diversity in fostering positive cultural change,” GLAAD President & CEO Sarah Kate Ellis said in a statement, referencing the 175 nominees across 30 categories. “As this year’s Media Awards go virtual, we hope to send a powerful message to LGBTQ people that in the midst of this culturally and politically divisive time, our visibility and voices have never been more important.”
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Let’s highlight some Black-ass winners, shall we?
Lil Nas X scooped the Outstanding Music Artist award, Pose was named Outstanding Drama Series (presented by Union and Wade) and Wanuri Kahiu’s Rafiki scored the Outstanding Film - Limited Release award.
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In media, writer, editor and transgender rights activist Raquel Willis (who several folks have said is my doppelgänger) won the award for Outstanding Magazine Article for her Out Magazine article titled, “The Trans Obituaries Project.”
As we previously reported, Janet Mock received a special honor for her LGBTQ advocacy efforts.
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“During this era of political and cultural division, LGBTQ images in media are crucial in accelerating acceptance for the LGBTQ community and countering the dangerous rise in anti-LGBTQ rhetoric,” Ellis said of the winners. “This year’s award recipients, including Pose and Schitt’s Creek, continue to bring necessary mainstream visibility to diverse voices within the LGBTQ community, ultimately raising the bar for LGBTQ inclusion and representation in media.”
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For the complete list of winners at the 31st Annual GLAAD Media Awards, head to glaad.org.
Join the discussion! The Root is hosting its first-ever, virtual Root Institute, presented by Target, featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics, culture, health, community building and social impact. Subscribe for updates today!


theroot--2020-07-31--University of Iowa Football Program Found to Have Racial Bias and Bullying Problem

After multiple former players spoke out last month about instances of racism and bullying , an inquiry found that a culture of racial bias and bullying has persisted within the Iowa football program .
ABC News reports that the University of Iowa hired Husch Blackwell law firm to interview 111 former and current players .
Their review found that while the program , led by head coach Kirk Ferentz , promised a family atmosphere during the recruiting process , once they arrived at the school they found it to be anything but .
Black players felt that the program “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ clean-cut , white athlete from a Midwestern background , ” and that rules regarding tattoos , du-rags , jewelry and even certain haircuts were racially biased .
While the coaches argued that the rules were meant to encourage a “ professional appearance , ” the Black players felt it singled them out .
Black players also acknowledged incidents where they felt they were given harsher punishments and that there were double standards at play .
They were discouraged from kneeling during the anthem , even though white players were able to wear “ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and presented President Donald Trump with a jersey during a campaign event in 2016 .
The culture was so toxic that multiple players and staff members echoed the same refrain to investigators : “ If you make it through the Iowa football program as a Black player , then you can do anything.
” Ferentz , who has been the program ’ s head coach since 1999 , has since issued an apology as a result of the report .
“ I want to apologize for the pain and frustration they felt at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ help each of them become a better player , and a better person , ” Ferentz said in a statement .
“ This review brings us face-to-face with allegations of uneven treatment , where our culture that mandated uniformity caused many Black players to feel they were unable to show up as their authentic selves.
” Last year , as a result of racial bias concerns being raised by the athletic department , Ferentz eliminated the rules regarding jewelry and told the coaching staff not to comment on player ’ s hairstyles and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ players in June , Ferentz removed even more personal appearance rules and eliminated a ban on the players ’ Twitter usage .
Additionally , the school parted ways with strength and conditioning coach Chris Doyle , who many players alleged was the source of the majority of the mistreatment , allegations Doyle denies .
Doyle was awarded a $ 1.1 million severance during the process .
The University has received four confidential reports from the firm on current and former staff members who players allege demeaned , bullied and verbally abused them .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ said that those allegations will be addressed with the staff members , all of whom have not been publicly named .

After multiple former players spoke out last month about instances of racism and bullying, an inquiry found that a culture of racial bias and bullying has persisted within the Iowa football program.
ABC News reports that the University of Iowa hired Husch Blackwell law firm to interview 111 former and current players. Their review found that while the program, led by head coach Kirk Ferentz, promised a family atmosphere during the recruiting process, once they arrived at the school they found it to be anything but. Black players felt that the program “was built around the stereotype of a clean-cut, white athlete from a Midwestern background,” and that rules regarding tattoos, du-rags, jewelry and even certain haircuts were racially biased. While the coaches argued that the rules were meant to encourage a “professional appearance,” the Black players felt it singled them out.
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Black players also acknowledged incidents where they felt they were given harsher punishments and that there were double standards at play. They were discouraged from kneeling during the anthem, even though white players were able to wear “Make America Great Again,” hats and presented President Donald Trump with a jersey during a campaign event in 2016. The culture was so toxic that multiple players and staff members echoed the same refrain to investigators: “If you make it through the Iowa football program as a Black player, then you can do anything.”
Ferentz, who has been the program’s head coach since 1999, has since issued an apology as a result of the report. “I want to apologize for the pain and frustration they felt at a time when I was trusted to help each of them become a better player, and a better person,” Ferentz said in a statement. “This review brings us face-to-face with allegations of uneven treatment, where our culture that mandated uniformity caused many Black players to feel they were unable to show up as their authentic selves.”
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Last year, as a result of racial bias concerns being raised by the athletic department, Ferentz eliminated the rules regarding jewelry and told the coaching staff not to comment on player’s hairstyles and tattoos. After a meeting with the players in June, Ferentz removed even more personal appearance rules and eliminated a ban on the players’ Twitter usage.
Additionally, the school parted ways with strength and conditioning coach Chris Doyle, who many players alleged was the source of the majority of the mistreatment, allegations Doyle denies. Doyle was awarded a $1.1 million severance during the process.
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The University has received four confidential reports from the firm on current and former staff members who players allege demeaned, bullied and verbally abused them. University of Iowa President Bruce Harreld has said that those allegations will be addressed with the staff members, all of whom have not been publicly named.


theroot--2020-07-30--Now Is the Time to Invest in a Back Scratcher or Scrubber, for That Itch You Just Can't Scratch

The other week I got one of those itches , you know the one—no , not that one !
—the kind of itch you can ’ t scratch .
It was maddening !
In a fit of desperation , I grabbed my hairbrush , flipped the handle over my shoulder , and scratched the spot in the middle of my back that was causing me such distress .
Ahhhh , sweet relief—but also , hairbrush-scratching my back seemed like the sort of thing a dermatologist might suggest wasn ’ t my finest idea , so I set out on finding @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ago a reader told me about what he called a “ roman cloth ” —essentially an unfurled shower pouf long enough to grip in both hands and shimmy across your entire back to scrub and exfoliate .
So I bought one , and I love it , and my back is much , much less itchy now .
Want one of your own ?
Sure , the Salux nylon Japanese beauty skin bath wash cloth is what you want .
That roman cloth has more or less solved my own back itchiness , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that can address this irritating issue , and so here are a bunch of other options for the itchy-back-sufferers among us .
Like the roman cloth , a good in-shower ( or bath ) back scrubber should be long enough to comfortably reach the hard-to-reach spots on your back .
Some scrubbers achieve this with length alone , but long-handled scrubbers in a variety of styles are more common .
When picking the right fabrication for your needs , consider the relative sensitivity of your skin ; stiff-bristled brushes and loofahs tend to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ nylon- and pouf-style scrubbers .
Dry brushes are essentially back scrubbers that are used outside the bath or shower , without water .
They exfoliate by sloughing away dead skin , and can help to address clogged pores as well as increase circulation .
The lotion applicator is another type of post-bathing product that ’ s designed to facilitate moisturizing hard-to-reach spots on the body .
They can also be used to apply itch-relieving ointments to bug bites in impossible spots !
Of course , good old back scratchers exist in this world @ @ @ @ @ @ @ out with a roundup of some of the different styles available .
There are metal “ claw ” -style scratchers and gentler bamboo scratchers , as well as brush-like scratchers and something that ’ s just right for travel !

Jolie Kerr on The Inventory, shared by Gabe Carey to The Root

The other week I got one of those itches, you know the one—no, not that one!—the kind of itch you can’t scratch. It was maddening! In a fit of desperation, I grabbed my hairbrush, flipped the handle over my shoulder, and scratched the spot in the middle of my back that was causing me such distress. Ahhhh, sweet relief—but also, hairbrush-scratching my back seemed like the sort of thing a dermatologist might suggest wasn’t my finest idea, so I set out on finding a better solution.
I remembered years ago a reader told me about what he called a “roman cloth”—essentially an unfurled shower pouf long enough to grip in both hands and shimmy across your entire back to scrub and exfoliate. So I bought one, and I love it, and my back is much, much less itchy now. Want one of your own? Sure, the Salux nylon Japanese beauty skin bath wash cloth is what you want.
That roman cloth has more or less solved my own back itchiness, but there are loads of other products that can address this irritating issue, and so here are a bunch of other options for the itchy-back-sufferers among us.
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Back Scrubbers for the Shower & Bath
Like the roman cloth, a good in-shower (or bath) back scrubber should be long enough to comfortably reach the hard-to-reach spots on your back. Some scrubbers achieve this with length alone, but long-handled scrubbers in a variety of styles are more common. When picking the right fabrication for your needs, consider the relative sensitivity of your skin; stiff-bristled brushes and loofahs tend to be more irritating to the skin than nylon- and pouf-style scrubbers.
Advertisement Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Dry Brushes & Back Moisturizers
Dry brushes are essentially back scrubbers that are used outside the bath or shower, without water. They exfoliate by sloughing away dead skin, and can help to address clogged pores as well as increase circulation. The lotion applicator is another type of post-bathing product that’s designed to facilitate moisturizing hard-to-reach spots on the body. They can also be used to apply itch-relieving ointments to bug bites in impossible spots!
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement
Back Scratchers for Itches
Of course, good old back scratchers exist in this world and so let’s round this out with a roundup of some of the different styles available. There are metal “claw”-style scratchers and gentler bamboo scratchers, as well as brush-like scratchers and something that’s just right for travel!
Advertisement
Advertisement


theroot--2020-07-30--Black Youth Released From Juvenile Detention Facilities at a Lower Rate Than White Kids During Pande

Black Youth Released From Juvenile Detention Facilities at a Lower Rate Than White Kids During Pandemic

In the early days of the pandemic , there was a sustained push to release those incarcerated in the nation ’ s jails , prisons and juvenile detention facilities .
Unfortunately , that momentum has slowed and , in the case of juvenile detention centers , Black youth have disproportionately been left behind , according to a new report .
Released by the Annie E. Casey Foundation , the report reveals that over the course of the pandemic the release gap between white and Black youth has grown from 7 percent to 17 percent , the New York Time reports @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Annie E. Casey Foundation ’ s Juvenile Justice Strategy Group , noted that while there ’ s been a 27 percent decrease in the number of youth detained , the initial flood of releases in March has slowed to a trickle .
This has resulted in a number of Black and brown youth being left behind in the system .
The release rate is the percentage of all young people who were in detention at any point during a month who were released before the end of that month .
The higher @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in detention are on average .
If the release rate is dropping , as it was in April and May , then young people are staying longer .
By May , the rate had slowed by 22 % compared to its March high .
One of every three young people in detention on June 1 , 2020 , would not have been in detention if the release rate had stayed at its March level .
Had the release rate in April and May 2020 stayed at the March rate of 62 % , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ been held in detention on June 1 , 2020 .
The actual population as of June 1 was 3,267 .
It would have been one-third lower , just 2,177 , if the March rate were maintained .
“ It ’ s clear that the juvenile justice system does not value Black life even during a worldwide public health pandemic , ” Liz Ryan , the president and chief executive of Youth First Initiative , an organization that advocates against youth incarceration , told the Times .
“ Juvenile detention agencies ’ inaction during @ @ @ @ @ @ @ utterly irresponsible and disgraceful.
” Judges and law enforcement officials have argued that the low-level offensces some of the children were charged with didn ’ t properly convey their danger .
They ’ ve also argued it ’ s safer for some of the kids to remain in custody as opposed to returning to their homes or neighborhoods .
A Michigan judge recently employed this logic when refusing to release a 15-year-old girl currently in juvenile detention for not completing her homework .
Release advocates have pointed out that juvenile crime has fallen @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and incarcerations in total have fallen 59 percent “ Based on what the data has been showing us for years , there ’ s no reason to believe that the kids who are there today are there for major offenses , ” Balis told the Times .
“ Especially during the pandemic , especially in this moment of heightened awareness of racial disparity in this country , every system needs to be looking at their data and figuring out what stands in their way.
” From the New York Times : In Maryland @ @ @ @ @ @ @ offenders during the pandemic after the state ’ s chief judge signed an order encouraging courts to do so , population and admissions rates have plummeted so much that two juvenile facilities have closed .
But advocates say that Black youth who remain in the system have misperceptions stacked against them .
“ We ’ ve seen prosecutors and judges argue that Covid isn ’ t killing young people in large numbers , thereby downplaying the other long-term consequences of this devastating disease , ” said Jennifer L. Egan , the chief attorney @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Office of the Public Defender in Baltimore , which filed an emergency petition that prompted the high court ’ s order this spring .
“ We also know that racism leads people to underestimate the pain experienced by Black people , ” she added .
Advocates have argued that as the virus continues to surge throughout the country , so should releases .
The Sentencing Project has collected data tracking the spread of COVID-19 in juvenile detention centers since March .
So far , there have been 1,310 coronavirus cases among youth across @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and Puerto Rico .
Among detention staff , that number increases to 1,550 across 40 states , as well as Washington , D.C. “ We should be happy that many youth are being released who should have never been there in the first place , ” Joshua Rovner , a senior advocacy associate at the Sentencing Project told the Times .
“ I don ’ t want to minimize the fact that white youth are benefiting from that , but the data speak [ s ] for itself : All of our kids @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the discussion !
The Root is hosting its first-ever , virtual Root Institute , presented by Target , featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics , culture , health , community building and social impact .
Subscribe for updates today !

In the early days of the pandemic, there was a sustained push to release those incarcerated in the nation’s jails, prisons and juvenile detention facilities. Unfortunately, that momentum has slowed and, in the case of juvenile detention centers, Black youth have disproportionately been left behind, according to a new report.
Released by the Annie E. Casey Foundation, the report reveals that over the course of the pandemic the release gap between white and Black youth has grown from 7 percent to 17 percent, the New York Time reports. Nate Balis, the director of the Annie E. Casey Foundation’s Juvenile Justice Strategy Group, noted that while there’s been a 27 percent decrease in the number of youth detained, the initial flood of releases in March has slowed to a trickle. This has resulted in a number of Black and brown youth being left behind in the system.
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From the Annie E. Casey Foundation:
The release rate is the percentage of all young people who were in detention at any point during a month who were released before the end of that month. The higher the release rate, the shorter stays in detention are on average. If the release rate is dropping, as it was in April and May, then young people are staying longer. By May, the rate had slowed by 22% compared to its March high. One of every three young people in detention on June 1, 2020, would not have been in detention if the release rate had stayed at its March level. Had the release rate in April and May 2020 stayed at the March rate of 62%, then dramatically fewer young people would have been held in detention on June 1, 2020. The actual population as of June 1 was 3,267. It would have been one-third lower, just 2,177, if the March rate were maintained.
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“It’s clear that the juvenile justice system does not value Black life even during a worldwide public health pandemic,” Liz Ryan, the president and chief executive of Youth First Initiative, an organization that advocates against youth incarceration, told the Times. “Juvenile detention agencies’ inaction during Covid-19 has exacerbated racial disparities and is utterly irresponsible and disgraceful.”
Judges and law enforcement officials have argued that the low-level offensces some of the children were charged with didn’t properly convey their danger. They’ve also argued it’s safer for some of the kids to remain in custody as opposed to returning to their homes or neighborhoods. A Michigan judge recently employed this logic when refusing to release a 15-year-old girl currently in juvenile detention for not completing her homework. Release advocates have pointed out that juvenile crime has fallen 71 percent over the last 23 years and incarcerations in total have fallen 59 percent
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“Based on what the data has been showing us for years, there’s no reason to believe that the kids who are there today are there for major offenses,” Balis told the Times. “Especially during the pandemic, especially in this moment of heightened awareness of racial disparity in this country, every system needs to be looking at their data and figuring out what stands in their way.”
From the New York Times:
In Maryland, which released at least 200 juvenile offenders during the pandemic after the state’s chief judge signed an order encouraging courts to do so, population and admissions rates have plummeted so much that two juvenile facilities have closed. But advocates say that Black youth who remain in the system have misperceptions stacked against them. “We’ve seen prosecutors and judges argue that Covid isn’t killing young people in large numbers, thereby downplaying the other long-term consequences of this devastating disease,” said Jennifer L. Egan, the chief attorney in the juvenile division for the Maryland Office of the Public Defender in Baltimore, which filed an emergency petition that prompted the high court’s order this spring. “We also know that racism leads people to underestimate the pain experienced by Black people,” she added.
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Advocates have argued that as the virus continues to surge throughout the country, so should releases. The Sentencing Project has collected data tracking the spread of COVID-19 in juvenile detention centers since March. So far, there have been 1,310 coronavirus cases among youth across 32 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico. Among detention staff, that number increases to 1,550 across 40 states, as well as Washington, D.C.
“We should be happy that many youth are being released who should have never been there in the first place,” Joshua Rovner, a senior advocacy associate at the Sentencing Project told the Times. “I don’t want to minimize the fact that white youth are benefiting from that, but the data speak[s] for itself: All of our kids are not being treated equally.”
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Join the discussion! The Root is hosting its first-ever, virtual Root Institute, presented by Target, featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics, culture, health, community building and social impact. Subscribe for updates today!


theroot--2020-07-30--Save up to 40% on Huckberry's Most Popular Items in Their Annual Summer Sale

The best Huckberry deals of August 2020 are here .
Right now , Huckberry is hosting its Annual Summer Sale , taking up to 40 % off its Top 60 productds , including offerings from Flint and Tinder , Relwen , Astorflex , Adidas , and plenty of other brands .
We ’ ve picked a handful of our favorite deals below , including shirts , shorts , bags , and more .
Keep scrolling to find our picks of other hot deals from Huckberry ’ s current selection , including coats , shoes , and more .
And note @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of $ 75+ , along with free returns .
Save $ 17 on this handsome cotton-linen short sleeve shirt from Wellen , which is lightweight and breathable—perfect for summer days and nights alike .
Huckberry says it ’ s “ lighter than a breeze off ocean waves and as comfortable as hammock on a sunny day , ” which sounds pretty darn great to us .
This navy and green blanket stripe version is the cheapest of the bunch , with a salmon pinstripe version also available for a few bucks more .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ 51 Whether on surf or turf , these Howler Brothers Sayulita Watershorts are up to the task .
They quickly dry once you ’ re out of the water , so you don ’ t stay soaked for long .
Planning to be in and out of water ?
These watershorts are a must-have , and they even have a zippered back pocket for storing keys or whatnot .
Save $ 12 right now at Huckberry .
• None Buy it now for $ 47 What ’ s the “ Plus ” in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Recycled water bottles .
It ’ s true !
No , they ’ re not jammed inside : they ’ re used to create the woven fabric for this bag .
And yes , it ’ s water resistant to boot .
Add in some smart storage and support for laptops up to 15 ” and you have an eco-friendly option that also looks like a pretty great everyday bag .
It ’ s marked down $ 36 right now .
• None Buy it now for $ 143 It ’ s always @ @ @ @ @ @ @ while backpacking or exploring , but quality towels often take up a heap of space .
Not Turkish Towels .
The brand ’ s Herringbone towel ( 40x70 ” ) is thin enough to roll into the approximate shape and size of a burrito , yet is claimed to be as absorbent as a beach towel .
It dries quickly and gets softer with each wash , too !
Save $ 11 right now from Huckberry .
• None Buy it now for $ 24 There ’ s a “ smart ” version @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and while we ’ re not convinced that everything needs a smartphone app involved , Meater ’ s got a bright idea here .
The Meater wireless meat thermometer is billed as the first of its kind , letting you poke your proteins on a grill , pan , smoker , or wherever else and get a reading on your phone via Bluetooth up to 33 feet away—no cords needed .
It ’ s $ 14 off right now .
• None Buy it now for $ 55 Whether you prefer garment-dyed or @ @ @ @ @ @ @ oxford button-down shirts are versatile options for your wardrobe .
Huckberry has several colors available for both , with garment-dyed shirts ranging from $ 82-89 ( usually $ 118 ) and soft-washed shirts from $ 79-85 ( usually $ 108 ) .
Click through to see the full selection .
• None Buy it now for $ 79-89 Right now , you can save $ 55 on this roomy Mystery Ranch Mission Rover bag , which has a 43L capacity that meets most airlines ’ carry-on requirements and can be carried as a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shoulder bag .
Huckberry customers have raved over this bag , with one reviewer writing , “ It is versatile , durable , and spacious .
Couldn ’ t recommend more ” after multiple trips .
A Foliage color option is currently $ 20 more expensive , while the sleek Galaxy style is still full-priced as of this writing .
• None Buy it now for $ 130 Finding a functional , yet fashionable outdoor work coat doesn ’ t have to be a chore thanks to Flint and Tinder .
The brand @ @ @ @ @ @ @ number made from a durable Italian-made fabric that Huckberry bills as “ tough as nails but comfortable as your most well-worn pair of work boots.
” Huckberry has this coat in Olive , Sagebrush , and Washed Navy colors , and no matter which you choose you ’ ll save $ 55 off the list price .
• None Buy it now for $ 103 These slip-on loafers are built from soft leather and have been handmade in Northern Italy by the same family for six generations now .
According to Huckberry , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as hell , and represent the best value on the market.
” They ’ re marked down $ 58 off the list right now , so that last part is especially true .
• None Buy it now for $ 107 Whether intended for cool summer nights or the autumn ahead , Grayers ’ Paragon quilted featherweight jacket is a thin and lightweight way to retain heat .
This nylon zip jacket is built to resist the wind without bulking you up , and right now it ’ s down $ 58 from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it now for $ 70 Plan ahead with the Topo Designs Mountain Jacket , which is marked down more than 50 % from the original $ 349 price point .
This heavy duty coat is perfect for those bitter winter days and built to resist cold and snow alike , thanks to 200g of PrimaLoft Black Eco insulation made from recycled plastic bottles .
• None Buy it now for $ 157 Save $ 67 right now on this sleek and stylish Proof Elements jacket , which looks like the perfect option for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
The ThermoTech fabric warms up as you wear it , keeping you comfortable despite the thin build .
• None Buy it now for $ 81 Whether you need something warm for wandering your local surroundings or just want a cozy hoodie to social distance in , the Wellen Waffle Raglan Pullover looks to fit the bill .
The waffle weave design keeps it feeling soft while the front pocket will warm your hands during spring strolls , plus it ’ s $ 22 off the normal price right now .
• @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Gabe Carey, Sheilah Villari,  and Andrew Hayward on Roundups, shared by Gabe Carey to The Root

Featured Deal: Alba Optics Solo | $174
Huckberry’s best deals of September 2021 are here!
After spending the better part of the calendar year in a pandemic, I bet that your co-workers have probably seen every shirt you own on your Zoom meetings. If I’m right, then there’s no better excuse to spice up your virtual workwear by cashing in on Huckberry’s best deals.
From apparel to footwear, Huckberry has everything you can think of on sale.
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Made from hemp and organic cotton, the Wellen Hemp Polo provides long-lasting wear with sustainable materials that you can wear guilt-free. It is an easy-going , ultra-flattering design that will give you plenty of room without being baggy.
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The Flint and Tinder 365 Shorts - 9" is a performance short chino that was carefully constructed from a blended fabric to create a soft, year-round garment. It’s pre-shrunk for the ideal fit right out of the box. Note that it was expertly made from a sustainable factory in Indonesia.
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I don’t know about you, but I love tie-dye. Available in mustard, navy, and tide, the Wellen Shibori Stripe Tee features a beautiful pattern, made from the shibori dyeing process which is all done by hand.
Made from 100% organic cotton, these t-shirts also have the signature Wellen softness and are environmentally friendly.
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Having a solid set of whiskey glasses is key to kicking off the summer right! When you raise a glass to toast at the next outdoor party, do it in style!
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Huckberry is selling some beautiful Whiskey Peaks glasses, including American Mountains, Grand Tetons, and International Mountains. These glasses are made from 100% lead-free handblown glass, which is lighter than leaded glass and equally durable.
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As part of the summer sale, Huckberry is offering an up to 25% discount on hybrid shorts, which can be worn either in the water or on land. Plus, the hydrophobic fabrics dry super quickly, so you’re ready to hit your local bar.
The Beardedgoat Ridgeline Short is versatile and durable. It provides a four-way stretch for maximum mobility. Made from nylon ripstop fabric, this product is lightweight, yet durable. Plus, it comes with two side hand pockets, two rear pockets, and a hidden stash pocket for valuables.
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Handmade in Northern Italy, Astorflex can guarantee quality shoes that are stylish and eco-friendly. Plus, their soles are 100% made from natural rubber to ensure that you’re walking on a cloud. For Memorial Day weekend, Huckberry is offering deals on products from this brand at up to 35% off.
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The line-up includes styles and designs that will satisfy even the pickiest of shoe shoppers. One example is the highly flexible Astorflex Patnoflex Travel, the ideal summer shoe for those on the move. Another is the Astroflex Rolflex, a great shoe to transition from one season to another.
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theroot--2020-07-30--Confederate Dunce: Alabama Lawmaker Who Honored KKK Grand Wizard Instead of John Lewis Resigns—as Pa

Confederate Dunce: Alabama Lawmaker Who Honored KKK Grand Wizard Instead of John Lewis Resigns—as Pastor

It takes a staunch commitment to racist foolishness to celebrate the life of a Confederate general and Klan figurehead in 2020 .
To do so on the very same weekend , in the very same city that civil rights icon John Lewis was being honored ?
How much harder can you stan Jim Crow ?
But that is exactly what Alabama state Rep. Will Dismukes did—attending a ceremony honoring Nathan Bedford Forrest , the KKK ’ s first grand wizard , in Selma , Ala. , on the weekend a carriage carrying Lewis ’ body came into town , reports @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the longtime Georgia congressman traced the path Lewis walked in 1965 , when he led protesters on a march across Selma ’ s Edmund Pettus Bridge .
But why honor one of America ’ s actual founding fathers when you can ( checks notes ) honor a racist , slave-owning terrorist ?
Like the Confederate flag-humping clown he is , the 30-year-old Dismukes wasn ’ t content attending and speaking at Forrest ’ s annual birthday celebration , which would surely have been enough joy for any run-of-the-mill Dixieland enthusiast .
Dismukes had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ “ Had a great time at Fort Dixie speaking and giving the invocation for Nathan Bedford Forrest annual birthday celebration , ” Dismukes shared in a now-deleted post from July 25 , alongside a photo of himself standing behind a festoon of Confederate flags .
“ Always a great time and some sure enough good eating !
!
” The incident drew bipartisan calls for Dismuke ’ s resignation , as well as a rebuke from the chair of the Alabama state GOP .
Because this is 2020 , Rep. Dismukes did end @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ( because this is 2020 ) not from his position as a state representative .
The final turn of this Southern tale is that Dismukes is also the pastor of a rural Southern Baptist church .
Or at least , he was .
After the controversy , Dismukes met with other local Southern Baptist leaders and decided to step down from the pulpit at Pleasant Hill Baptist .
Dismukes has insisted his actions were in no way disrespectful to Congressman Lewis , whose memorial service was held in Atlanta on Thursday afternoon .
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ the criticism .
“ I guess , with the anti-Southern sentiment and all , and the things that we have going on in the world today , there ’ s a lot of people that are seeming to be more and more offended , ” he told WFSA TV .
“ We live in a time where we literally are going through cancel culture from all different areas and people are even more sensitive on different issues and different subjects .
This was just one of those times that it didn ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Man , if Jesus wasn ’ t weeping before , he sure has to be now .
Join the discussion !
The Root is hosting its first-ever , virtual Root Institute , presented by Target , featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics , culture , health , community building and social impact .
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It takes a staunch commitment to racist foolishness to celebrate the life of a Confederate general and Klan figurehead in 2020. To do so on the very same weekend, in the very same city that civil rights icon John Lewis was being honored? How much harder can you stan Jim Crow?
But that is exactly what Alabama state Rep. Will Dismukes did—attending a ceremony honoring Nathan Bedford Forrest, the KKK’s first grand wizard, in Selma, Ala., on the weekend a carriage carrying Lewis’ body came into town, reports The Washington Post. The procession honoring the longtime Georgia congressman traced the path Lewis walked in 1965, when he led protesters on a march across Selma’s Edmund Pettus Bridge.
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But why honor one of America’s actual founding fathers when you can (checks notes) honor a racist, slave-owning terrorist?
Like the Confederate flag-humping clown he is, the 30-year-old Dismukes wasn’t content attending and speaking at Forrest’s annual birthday celebration, which would surely have been enough joy for any run-of-the-mill Dixieland enthusiast. Dismukes had to brag about it on Facebook.
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“Had a great time at Fort Dixie speaking and giving the invocation for Nathan Bedford Forrest annual birthday celebration,” Dismukes shared in a now-deleted post from July 25, alongside a photo of himself standing behind a festoon of Confederate flags. “Always a great time and some sure enough good eating!!”
(Someone should have told you that, unlike the Confederacy, screenshots are forever, Will.)
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The incident drew bipartisan calls for Dismuke’s resignation, as well as a rebuke from the chair of the Alabama state GOP.
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Because this is 2020, Rep. Dismukes did end up resigning on Wednesday night, but (because this is 2020) not from his position as a state representative. The final turn of this Southern tale is that Dismukes is also the pastor of a rural Southern Baptist church. Or at least, he was. After the controversy, Dismukes met with other local Southern Baptist leaders and decided to step down from the pulpit at Pleasant Hill Baptist.
Dismukes has insisted his actions were in no way disrespectful to Congressman Lewis, whose memorial service was held in Atlanta on Thursday afternoon. In fact, he was surprised by the criticism.
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“I guess, with the anti-Southern sentiment and all, and the things that we have going on in the world today, there’s a lot of people that are seeming to be more and more offended,” he told WFSA TV. “We live in a time where we literally are going through cancel culture from all different areas and people are even more sensitive on different issues and different subjects. This was just one of those times that it didn’t quite go the way I expected.”
Man, if Jesus wasn’t weeping before, he sure has to be now.
Join the discussion! The Root is hosting its first-ever, virtual Root Institute, presented by Target, featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics, culture, health, community building and social impact. Subscribe for updates today!


theroot--2020-07-30--I Hate to be the Bearer of Bad News, But Your Team Isn't Winning an NBA Title This Year. Here's Why

You still upset about the headline ?
You can bitch and moan all you want , but your team still ain ’ t winning shit .
So once you ’ re done with your temper tantrum , I ’ ll happily explain why .
When last they left us : 43-21 , 3rd seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
It ’ s amazing how much better your team becomes when it rids itself of a ball-hogging malcontent .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Did you not see Jayson Tatum @ @ @ @ @ @ @ from Xavier ’ s School of Gifted Youngsters in 2017 , the first-time All-Star has flashed the type of tantalizing potential that could elevate him into contention for MVP in the very near future .
He ’ s that damn good .
Add a seriously underrated Jaylen Brown , a revitalized Gordon Hayward and Kemba “ Ballin ’ Ass ” Walker—minus the bum knee—and the Green Machine is primed to hurt some serious feelings in the Eastern Conference playoffs .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because Paul Pierce @ @ @ @ @ @ @ best threat.
” Anyone who follows the NBA knows that the Paul Pierce curse is real , so whoever he picks to win will inevitably take an L. That being said , I ’ d love to hear his predictions for the presidential election in November .
Because if he ’ s leaning towards Trump emerging victorious , I already know I ’ ll be popping bottles that night .
When last they left us : 30-34 , 7th seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
By inexplicably @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on planet Earth to be the Cleveland Cavaliers , yet somehow flirted with a .500 record despite Kevin Durant never touching the court , Kyrie Irving refusing to ever pass the ball ( in the grand total of 20 games he played ) , indecision at the center position and ballin ’ ass Caris LeVert missing 25 games .
Did I mention they fired their head coach too ?
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because interim coach Jacque Vaughn is your brother-in-law ?
Because cocaine is a hell @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t win a damn thing : “ We have a job to do , ” Nets general manager Sean Marks said in early July .
“ We have to bring a team to Orlando .
[ ... ] We will go down there and we will compete .
That ’ s our jobs here.
” If this sounds like someone who ’ s only showing up to class to present a group project that they had nothing to do with , you ’ d be correct .
The primary reason the Nets @ @ @ @ @ @ @ year , or any other year for that matter , is because they ’ re the Nets .
But common sense aside , when ’ s the last time you saw a team win an NBA championship without five starters—Kevin Durant , Kyrie Irving , Spencer Dinwiddie , DeAndre Jordan and Wilson Chandler all opted out of attending the family reunion in Orlando—or its head coach ?
And Michael Beasley , who was plucked from whatever landfill his career was hiding before COVID-19 put him in a headlock , passed on joining the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ain ’ t winning shit .
When last they left us : 40-27 , 7th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
By sounding the bells of war on offense .
I mean , sure , they were stuck in neutral for a hot minute after Dwight Powell ruptured his Achilles , but when you have the most efficient offense in the history of ever , your season just kind of fixes itself .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because Luka Doncic is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that white men can ’ t jump , but 21-year-old basketball prodigies from Ljubljana , Slovenia , can shoot from the parking lot , destroy their opponents with a robust repertoire of shifty moves and step-back jumpers and damn near average a triple-double .
Kristaps Porzingis is finally returning to form after tearing his ACL in 2018 and Tim Hardaway Jr. has proven himself to be the perfect complimentary piece moving forward .
He ’ s the ladle full of gravy to Doncic ’ s succulent oxtails .
Why they won ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ long as Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is on your roster , it ’ s the kiss of death .
In eight NBA seasons , I ’ ve spent as many days on this Earth as a pregnant white woman as he ’ s won a playoff series .
“ Thou shalt not win as long as this bum ass nigga is on your squad.
” It ’ s in the Bible somewhere .
Go look .
When last they left us : 43-22 , 3rd seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the deepest rosters in the entire league .
Nikola Jokic showed up to training camp looking like he ate Oliver Miller and Jamal Murray was underwhelming as hell ( his transition into an NBA superstar is looking less and less likely ) , but neither mattered when you can trot out and an endless conveyor belt of contributors like Will Barton , Jerami Grant and Michael Porter Jr.—who might very well be the future of the franchise .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Bol Bol is looking like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ entire free world when he arrived at the NBA campus in the best shape of his career .
If they can get their full roster back in the fold in time for the playoffs—have you seen their short-handed lineups during these scrimmages ?
—they ’ re a popular pick for an upset or two in the Western Conference playoffs .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Ummm ... who all gon ’ be there ?
The Nuggets have been short-handed since the bubble began and are running low on @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Torrey Craig joined the team on Sunday and have undergone quarantine protocols , but where the hell are Monte Morris , P.J .
Dozier and Michael Porter Jr. ?
And if and when Porter Jr. finally joins the team , can he stay healthy ?
And will there be enough minutes for him ?
Ehhh ... doubt it .
When last they left us : 40-24 , 6th in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
By being unconventional .
Not only did they throw caution to the wind by @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ball-dominant guards , but they banished Clint Capela to the NBA equivalent of Aftermath Records .
( Sure , the roster looks great , but does anybody ever see the light of day ? )
In doing so , the team went from Godzilla to Honey , I Shrunk the Kids , deploying a small-ball lineup that will either blister you with 87 three-pointers or rack up a four-game losing streak before remembering that they ’ re supposed to be a respectable ball club .
This is the type of thing that happens @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Tucker , is 6-foot-5 .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : With home-court advantage thrown out the window , the Rockets could be one of the biggest beneficiaries—since their tiny , undersized asses won ’ t have to go to war with higher seeds on the road .
And while the Clippers and Lakers will be a bitch to slay , how confident are you in the Jazz , Nuggets or Thunder beating Russell Westbrook ’ s otherworldly motor or James Harden ’ s penchant for collecting cheap-ass fouls @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this team is goofy as hell , but this is the type of smoke most teams want no parts of .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Did I mention their starting center is 6-foot-5 ?
I did ?
Oh , aiight cool .
Did I mention that their starting center is also 35 years old ?
I didn ’ t ?
Oh .
Well , good luck with that .
Especially against the likes of Nikola Jokic , Kristaps Porzingis and Anthony Davis in the West , with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feast on Tucker ’ s toddler-sized ass in the East .
Oh , and Harden ’ s playoff struggles are well-documented—though they could finally be negated by a four-month breather—so there ’ s that .
When last they left us : 39-26 , 5th seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
Who knew Malcolm Brogdon had elite potential as an NBA point guard ?
Who knew first-time All-Star Domantas Sabonis would serve as the perfect pick-and-roll partner ?
Who knew Nate McMillian would turn bargain signings like TJ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ?
Small market teams don ’ t have it easy , but the Pacers created a blueprint for others to follow .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL what ?
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Victor Olodipo looks like a shell of himself after returning from a gruesome quad injury and Sabonis is expected to miss the rest of the season with a “ significant foot injury.
” So unless the Wizard of Oz is feeling generous , the only thing the Pacers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ pick .
Congrats !
When last they left us : 49-14 , 1st seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
My feelings about the Lakers can best be summed up by this meme .
But to answer the question , it ’ s because LeBron James refuses to age—or ever get injured .
I ’ ve spent years maiming , stabbing and otherwise butchering my LeBron James voodoo doll to no avail .
I ’ ve hurled it off of the Empire State Building .
I ’ ve @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ ve forced it to listen to Flo-Rida .
And despite my best efforts to slow down his alien DNA , King James still puts up 25 , eight and eight every damn year—even at 35-years-old .
Add a surprisingly competent Frank Vogel , some savvy vets and Antonio Davis ’ mythical unibrow to the equation and the Lakers finally ending their six-year playoff drought isn ’ t exactly a surprise .
They can still go to hell though .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because you ’ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ teet despite the fact that he ’ s caught six L ’ s in the Finals and bullied a lackluster Eastern Conference for an eternity .
You also refuse to accept the fact that the Lakers will sorely miss Avery Bradley ’ s perimeter defense , Rajon Rondo anchoring the team ’ s second unit , and Magic Johnson ’ s impromptu press conferences .
Bring back Magic , dammit !
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because the Clippers* are the superior team .
Plus it ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Waters gets high on his own supply again .
What ?
Too soon ?
?
?
When last they left us : 32-33 , 8th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
I can ’ t even front .
These kids are tantalizing .
After ridding themselves of the holy trinity of Marc Gasol , Mike Conley and Zach Randolph throughout the years , the Grizz were supposed to be complete and utter garbage this season .
They ’ re anything but .
Ja Morant looks like the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ case you missed the memo , D ’ Aaron Fox and Russell Westbrook are officially a single player now—Jaren Jackson Jr. is an inevitable All-Star , and Dillon Brooks and Brandon Clark can not only ball , but probably get confused for each other all the damn time by white people .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : *whistles TLC ’ s “ Waterfalls ” to myself* Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Experience trumps youth every time .
These kids have the pieces to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ future , but the near future ain ’ t today sooooooooooo they ’ re just biding their time until they get obliterated by whoever wins the No .
1 seed in the West—which is more than likely the Lakers .
When last they left us : 41-24 , 4th seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
They play in the East and who are we kidding with the exception of Bucks , Raptors and Celtics , the fourth spot usually goes to whatever run of the mill team @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Some years it ’ s the Wizards , some years it ’ s Pacers or 76ers and this year is just the Heat ’ s turn .
They were born on third base , they didn ’ t hit a triple .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : They can ’ t .
Well let me take that back because they have Jimmy Butler and everyone knows that Jimmy Butler is the only NBA player who will openly threaten his own players when they play like shit .
So @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ s ability to threaten the fuck out of his teammates and threats can prove to be motivating .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : In the end , the Heat don ’ t have enough on an inside presence to dominate playoff basketball .
While I like the combination of Butler , Tyler Herro , Goran Dargić , Iggy , and Jae Crowder , Bam Adebayo is still getting over a bout with the coronavirus and I don ’ t see a weakened Bam , with a perpetually @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it done .
When last they left us : Does it even matter ?
This team was sent from the future to destroy the NBA .
How did they get here ?
Giannis .
Oh , and otherworldly defense .
But for the most part , Giannis .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because when he ’ s not preoccupied with looking like he eats babies for breakfast , Giannis has been tormenting the league all season .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ clock .
Sorry , bruh .
When last they left us : 28-36 , 10th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
Zion .
If you are ever in New Orleans and you are asked anything the answer is Zion .
The world loves Zion and it helps that he ’ s doing all the right things .
Not only is he boy shaped he came out of whatever machine made Karl Malone but he really seems like a nice kid .
The New Orleans Pelicans rookie covered @ @ @ @ @ @ @ workers for a month , the initial length of the NBA shut down for coronavirus .
Doesn ’ t matter if he ’ s hurt .
Doesn ’ t matter if he doesn ’ t start the rebooted season , the answer to all questions regarding the Pelicans is much like trying to figure out the hottest rapper from Making the Band : Zion , Zion , Zion .
Why do you think they can win an NBA title ?
This team is playing with house money .
They are young and fun @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Philadelphia 76ers would be if they got a real point guard and stopped running that big ass light skinned kid at the one .
They literally have nothing to lose .
Lonzo Ball and Jrue Holiday are formidable back court , mixing that with the playmaking ability of forwards Brandon Ingram and Zion ( 3x ) and the youth of center Jaxson Hayes and the shooting of JJ Redick ( who will always be 22 ) and you have a youth movement that could make some noise .
Why they won ’ t @ @ @ @ @ @ @ s not get ahead of ourselves .
While the team is going to be fun to watch that doesn ’ t mean they are going to win shit .
It takes time for teams to gel and become a cohesive unit and unless you have a seasoned veteran like LeBron who can mold the team around what he does best ( which is basically bully ball ) , the chances that this team gets past first round opponents Utah Jazz is possible , but anything beyond that ain ’ t happening .
When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 5th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
They walked or they drove .
Maybe they flew .
See what I did there ?
I kid .
If scrimmages mean anything ( they usually don ’ t ) then the Oklahoma Thunder were one of only 2 teams to end their three-game scrimmage unbeaten .
The other team was the Pelicans .
To that end , the Wizards and Blazers failed to win a game .
They are led by veteran point guard and card-carrying AARP member Chris @ @ @ @ @ @ @ helped invent the pick and roll .
They also have the team with most syllables , accents and hyphens in the their names with players like : André Roberson , Shai Gilgeous-Alexander , Dennis Schröder .
They are also a team that lives and dies on Chris Paul ’ s brittle bones or as Jay has dubbed him “ CP-3 to 6 weeks.
” The Thunder are right in the middle of the pack of a crowded Western Conference and are surprisingly good considering that despite having future hall-of-famer Paul running the show @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lot of star power .
I mean they have Danilo Gallinari but is he really moving the star-studded player chains ?
Methinks no .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : So the good thing about having a team of no-names is that they could play with a chip on their shoulder .
I couldn ’ t tell you the last time André Roberson scored a point but he does all the white guy things ( you know the coded language sports announcers use to hype up white players for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
He makes the extra pass , takes the charge , plays hard-nosed defense .
The whole team plays this way and well we see how that worked out for the San Antonio Spurs during those years where the whole team refused to get shapeups .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Putting a team on CP-3 ’ s old ass back , no matter how well he ’ s been playing is not going anywhere .
We all know this story and have seen it play out even @ @ @ @ @ @ @ This team will play tough and gritty and could squeak out a few close ones but they can ’ t beat a star-studded team no matter how gutsy they play .
When last they left us : 30-35 , 8th seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
Prayer .
A lot of damn prayer .
Oh , and bribery .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Who told you that lie ?
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : If y @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on Blue Ivy ’ s internet and disparage my beloved Mighty Mighty Orlando Magic you ’ re buggin ’ .
That being said , we sure as hell ain ’ t winning jack shit ever in life until the Ghost of Nick Anderson says otherwise .
That ’ s that on that .
When last they left us : 39-26 , 6th seed in the Eastern Conference .
How did they get here ?
Try as they may to make it work , Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid mesh about as well as @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
In both instances , I ’ d love for it to work , but alas , that shit just ain ’ t happening , chief .
Despite Embiid ’ s assertions that he and Simmons would love to frolic in the park and play together for the duration of their careers , unless Simmons decides to finally shoot the damn ball outside of like four feet , one of these dudes got ta kick rocks .
And there ’ s a pretty good chance that whoever gets voted off the island will @ @ @ @ @ @ @ If Silkk the Shocker was a basketball team , he ’ d be the 76ers—because both are a damn mess .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Glaring chemistry issues aside , the 76ers still have two of the best players in the league in Simmons and Embiid—they just work about as well together as Al and Peggy Bundy .
But should Simmons miraculously find his jumper—which a sports psychologist has reportedly been helping him with—the team might finally be able to capitalize off of Al Horford ’ s @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because the 76ers were 29-2 at home this season and only 10-24 when away .
So with home court advantage thrown out the window inside of the bubble , Philly can kiss even the smallest chance at a title au revoir .
Sorry , kids .
When last they left us : 26-39 , 13th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
The parallels between the Suns and just about every Ludacris album are uncanny .
They @ @ @ @ @ @ @ settles in and you ’ re stuck sitting there like , “ Why did I waste my time with this bullshit ?
” That ’ s exactly what happened this season .
After a promising start , injuries and the gaping holes around Devin Booker and Deandre “ From Deep ” Ayton capsized what could ’ ve been .
It ’ s like in I Am Legend when ... never mind .
Let ’ s not revisit that bullshit .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because COVID-19 infiltrated @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that shit .
Otherwise , I refuse to believe anyone could be so stupid .
Unless that person was Terry Crews .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because everybody hates Robert Sarver ’ s cheap ass .
Not only is he one of the worst owners in professional sports , but he has his fingers , toes and ineptitude crossed that he ’ ll grow up to become James Dolan .
Plus who wants to sit through a championship parade in 120-degree weather ?
No thanks .
When @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 9th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
Internal fortitude .
While other teams used injuries or limited cap space as an excuse to swirl around the toilet bowl , the Trail Blazers snatched up pariahs like Hassan Whiteside and Carmelo Anthony in order to salvage their season .
Oh , and Dame Lillard is pretty damn good too .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : This team is drastically different than the one that limped through a tumultuous season .
Zach Collins and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ completely changes the potency of this squad and some are calling the Trail Blazers “ the most dangerous team in the league.
” “ If Portland is in this thing , Bill , to me , they ’ re the most dangerous team in this league , ” NBA insider Chris Haynes said on The Bill Simmons Podcast .
“ Nurkic is back .
Zach Collins is back .
Dame and CJ [ McCollum ] , they have been ultra-motivated .
I ’ m being dead serious , they are ultra-motivated .
That @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ” Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because they have to get past the Grizzlies , Kings and some guy named Zion Williamson to even make the playoffs—which ain ’ t happening .
The upgrades are cute , but it ’ s too little too late at this point .
But at least it will give Dame something to rap about .
When last they left us : 28-36 , 11th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
Because Christmas came early to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ can win the NBA title : If a broke “ billionaire ” can leverage reality TV stardom into becoming the president of the most powerful nation in the world—despite having zero experience in politics or public office—is it really that far fetched to believe that Luke Walton will hoist the Larry O ’ Brien trophy ?
Yes .
Yes , it is actually .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Ladies and gentlemen of the jury , I present Exhibit A .
When last they left us : Who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the playoffs !
How did they get here ?
Gregg Popovich doesn ’ t deserve this shit , man .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Nah , really .
Pop doesn ’ t deserve this shit .
This ain ’ t right .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Pop , you ’ ve served your penance .
Call it a career and ride off into the sunset .
DeMar DeRozan will continue to underwhelm just fine without you .
When last they left @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
By getting ditched at the altar by the best player in the league .
When Eminem left D12 we knew it was a wrap for them niggas .
Not the Raptors .
Once Kawhi left for greener pastures , Pascal Siakam transformed into a serial killer , Kyle Lowry stumbled upon the fountain of youth and Fred VanVleet evolved into a dude who ’ s about to make a lot of damn money on his next contract .
And after stinking it up @ @ @ @ @ @ @ joke , too .
I don ’ t think it ’ s remotely fair to call them overachievers , but as they prepare to defend their title , this season has been a pleasant surprise .
All praise due to Masai Ujiri .
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because they already did exactly that a year ago .
Why wouldn ’ t they be able to do it again with a squad that ’ s arguably as formidable ?
I just need Ujiri to keep his hands to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ’ t win a damn thing : Because Giannis Antetokounmpo says otherwise .
He said what he said .
When last they left us : 41-23 , 4th seed in the Western Conference .
How did they get here ?
Because Rudy Gobert ruined the NBA season !
OK , that ’ s not entirely fair .
Inevitably the league would ’ ve been shut down anyway , but an argument could be made that Gobert ’ s recklessness expedited the process .
Speaking of which , does Donovan Mitchell still hate his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the most disappointing acquisition in recent memory ?
Oh , wait .
What was the question again ?
Why you think they can win the NBA title : Because you snort Tide Pods .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Apparently you missed the memo that Bojan Bogdanovic , the team ’ s second-leading scorer , is out for the year after having wrist surgery in May .
No Bojan , no baskets .
No baskets , no championship .
And are we sure Mitchell doesn ’ t still @ @ @ @ @ @ @ last they left us : You really don ’ t want to know .
It ’ s gruesome .
How did they get here ?
God .
Seriously , how would you explain it ?
Fine , maybe Bradley Beal putting up 80 points a night , even in a losing effort and maybe the selection committee , because this year ’ s NBA season is basically a high level or low level version of the NCAA tournament , decided that they wanted to see Beal get busy .
Me : Then WTF @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : That ’ s what I ’ m asking you !
!
Why do you think they can win an NBA title ?
They can ’ t .
They couldn ’ t even win an all-boys private school intramurals tournament .
Why they won ’ t win a damn thing : Because they are the Wizards .
It ’ s kind of their thing .
*And if you ’ re a Clippers fan and wondering why your team wasn ’ t included , that ’ s because they ’ re winning the NBA @ @ @ @ @ @ @ .
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You still upset about the headline?
You can bitch and moan all you want, but your team still ain’t winning shit. So once you’re done with your temper tantrum, I’ll happily explain why.
You done?
Cool. Let’s go.
Boston Celtics
When last they left us: 43-21, 3rd seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? It’s amazing how much better your team becomes when it rids itself of a ball-hogging malcontent.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Did you not see Jayson Tatum ball out this season? Since graduating from Xavier’s School of Gifted Youngsters in 2017, the first-time All-Star has flashed the type of tantalizing potential that could elevate him into contention for MVP in the very near future. He’s that damn good. Add a seriously underrated Jaylen Brown, a revitalized Gordon Hayward and Kemba “Ballin’ Ass” Walker—minus the bum knee—and the Green Machine is primed to hurt some serious feelings in the Eastern Conference playoffs.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because Paul Pierce said this: “Boston poses the best threat.” Anyone who follows the NBA knows that the Paul Pierce curse is real, so whoever he picks to win will inevitably take an L. That being said, I’d love to hear his predictions for the presidential election in November. Because if he’s leaning towards Trump emerging victorious, I already know I’ll be popping bottles that night.
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Brooklyn Nets
When last they left us: 30-34, 7th seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? By inexplicably overachieving. The Nets had every excuse on planet Earth to be the Cleveland Cavaliers, yet somehow flirted with a .500 record despite Kevin Durant never touching the court, Kyrie Irving refusing to ever pass the ball (in the grand total of 20 games he played), indecision at the center position and ballin’ ass Caris LeVert missing 25 games. Did I mention they fired their head coach too?
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because interim coach Jacque Vaughn is your brother-in-law? Because cocaine is a hell of a drug?
Why they won’t win a damn thing: “We have a job to do,” Nets general manager Sean Marks said in early July. “We have to bring a team to Orlando. [...] We will go down there and we will compete. That’s our jobs here.” If this sounds like someone who’s only showing up to class to present a group project that they had nothing to do with, you’d be correct. The primary reason the Nets aren’t winning jack shit this year, or any other year for that matter, is because they’re the Nets. But common sense aside, when’s the last time you saw a team win an NBA championship without five starters—Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, Spencer Dinwiddie, DeAndre Jordan and Wilson Chandler all opted out of attending the family reunion in Orlando—or its head coach? And Michael Beasley, who was plucked from whatever landfill his career was hiding before COVID-19 put him in a headlock, passed on joining the team too? Maaaaaaan, these niggas ain’t winning shit.
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Dallas Mavericks
When last they left us: 40-27, 7th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? By sounding the bells of war on offense. I mean, sure, they were stuck in neutral for a hot minute after Dwight Powell ruptured his Achilles, but when you have the most efficient offense in the history of ever, your season just kind of fixes itself.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because Luka Doncic is box office. Woody Harrelson already proved that white men can’t jump, but 21-year-old basketball prodigies from Ljubljana, Slovenia, can shoot from the parking lot, destroy their opponents with a robust repertoire of shifty moves and step-back jumpers and damn near average a triple-double. Kristaps Porzingis is finally returning to form after tearing his ACL in 2018 and Tim Hardaway Jr. has proven himself to be the perfect complimentary piece moving forward. He’s the ladle full of gravy to Doncic’s succulent oxtails.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because as long as Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is on your roster, it’s the kiss of death. In eight NBA seasons, I’ve spent as many days on this Earth as a pregnant white woman as he’s won a playoff series. “Thou shalt not win as long as this bum ass nigga is on your squad.” It’s in the Bible somewhere. Go look.
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Denver Nuggets
When last they left us: 43-22, 3rd seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? Basically by having one of the deepest rosters in the entire league. Nikola Jokic showed up to training camp looking like he ate Oliver Miller and Jamal Murray was underwhelming as hell (his transition into an NBA superstar is looking less and less likely), but neither mattered when you can trot out and an endless conveyor belt of contributors like Will Barton, Jerami Grant and Michael Porter Jr.—who might very well be the future of the franchise.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Bol Bol is looking like a cheat code and Jokic surprised the entire free world when he arrived at the NBA campus in the best shape of his career. If they can get their full roster back in the fold in time for the playoffs—have you seen their short-handed lineups during these scrimmages?—they’re a popular pick for an upset or two in the Western Conference playoffs.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Ummm...who all gon’ be there? The Nuggets have been short-handed since the bubble began and are running low on bodies. Thankfully, Gary Harris and Torrey Craig joined the team on Sunday and have undergone quarantine protocols, but where the hell are Monte Morris, P.J. Dozier and Michael Porter Jr.? And if and when Porter Jr. finally joins the team, can he stay healthy? And will there be enough minutes for him? Ehhh... doubt it.
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Houston Rockets
When last they left us: 40-24, 6th in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? By being unconventional. Not only did they throw caution to the wind by hitching their wagon to a pair of ball-dominant guards, but they banished Clint Capela to the NBA equivalent of Aftermath Records. (Sure, the roster looks great, but does anybody ever see the light of day?) In doing so, the team went from Godzilla to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, deploying a small-ball lineup that will either blister you with 87 three-pointers or rack up a four-game losing streak before remembering that they’re supposed to be a respectable ball club. This is the type of thing that happens when your starting center, P.J. Tucker, is 6-foot-5.
Why you think they can win the NBA title: With home-court advantage thrown out the window, the Rockets could be one of the biggest beneficiaries—since their tiny, undersized asses won’t have to go to war with higher seeds on the road. And while the Clippers and Lakers will be a bitch to slay, how confident are you in the Jazz, Nuggets or Thunder beating Russell Westbrook’s otherworldly motor or James Harden’s penchant for collecting cheap-ass fouls? Not very. The construction of this team is goofy as hell, but this is the type of smoke most teams want no parts of.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Did I mention their starting center is 6-foot-5? I did? Oh, aiight cool. Did I mention that their starting center is also 35 years old? I didn’t? Oh. Well, good luck with that. Especially against the likes of Nikola Jokic, Kristaps Porzingis and Anthony Davis in the West, with Giannis Antetokounmpo and Joel Embiid waiting to feast on Tucker’s toddler-sized ass in the East. Oh, and Harden’s playoff struggles are well-documented—though they could finally be negated by a four-month breather—so there’s that.
Indiana Pacers
When last they left us: 39-26, 5th seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? Who knew Malcolm Brogdon had elite potential as an NBA point guard? Who knew first-time All-Star Domantas Sabonis would serve as the perfect pick-and-roll partner? Who knew Nate McMillian would turn bargain signings like TJ Warren and Doug McDermott into valued contributors? Small market teams don’t have it easy, but the Pacers created a blueprint for others to follow.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL what?
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Victor Olodipo looks like a shell of himself after returning from a gruesome quad injury and Sabonis is expected to miss the rest of the season with a “significant foot injury.” So unless the Wizard of Oz is feeling generous, the only thing the Pacers are about to win is another lottery pick. Congrats!
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Los Angeles Lakers
When last they left us: 49-14, 1st seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? My feelings about the Lakers can best be summed up by this meme. But to answer the question, it’s because LeBron James refuses to age—or ever get injured. I’ve spent years maiming, stabbing and otherwise butchering my LeBron James voodoo doll to no avail. I’ve hurled it off of the Empire State Building. I’ve tossed it in the blender. I’ve forced it to listen to Flo-Rida. And despite my best efforts to slow down his alien DNA, King James still puts up 25, eight and eight every damn year—even at 35-years-old. Add a surprisingly competent Frank Vogel, some savvy vets and Antonio Davis’ mythical unibrow to the equation and the Lakers finally ending their six-year playoff drought isn’t exactly a surprise. They can still go to hell though.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because you’ve been hanging from LeBron’s teet despite the fact that he’s caught six L’s in the Finals and bullied a lackluster Eastern Conference for an eternity. You also refuse to accept the fact that the Lakers will sorely miss Avery Bradley’s perimeter defense, Rajon Rondo anchoring the team’s second unit, and Magic Johnson’s impromptu press conferences. Bring back Magic, dammit!
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because the Clippers* are the superior team. Plus it’s only a matter of time before Dion Waters gets high on his own supply again. What? Too soon???
Memphis Grizzlies
When last they left us: 32-33, 8th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? I can’t even front. These kids are tantalizing. After ridding themselves of the holy trinity of Marc Gasol, Mike Conley and Zach Randolph throughout the years, the Grizz were supposed to be the Cleveland Cavaliers complete and utter garbage this season. They’re anything but. Ja Morant looks like the second coming of De’Aaron Westbrook—in case you missed the memo, D’Aaron Fox and Russell Westbrook are officially a single player now—Jaren Jackson Jr. is an inevitable All-Star, and Dillon Brooks and Brandon Clark can not only ball, but probably get confused for each other all the damn time by white people.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: *whistles TLC’s “Waterfalls” to myself*
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Experience trumps youth every time. These kids have the pieces to cause some serious problems in the near future, but the near future ain’t today sooooooooooo they’re just biding their time until they get obliterated by whoever wins the No. 1 seed in the West—which is more than likely the Lakers.
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Miami Heat
When last they left us: 41-24, 4th seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? They play in the East and who are we kidding with the exception of Bucks, Raptors and Celtics, the fourth spot usually goes to whatever run of the mill team is having a pretty good run. Some years it’s the Wizards, some years it’s Pacers or 76ers and this year is just the Heat’s turn. They were born on third base, they didn’t hit a triple.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: They can’t. Well let me take that back because they have Jimmy Butler and everyone knows that Jimmy Butler is the only NBA player who will openly threaten his own players when they play like shit. So never underestimate the power of Jimmy Butler’s ability to threaten the fuck out of his teammates and threats can prove to be motivating.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: In the end, the Heat don’t have enough on an inside presence to dominate playoff basketball. While I like the combination of Butler, Tyler Herro , Goran Dargić, Iggy, and Jae Crowder, Bam Adebayo is still getting over a bout with the coronavirus and I don’t see a weakened Bam, with a perpetually weak Meyers Leonard being enough to get it done.
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Milwaukee Bucks
When last they left us: Does it even matter? This team was sent from the future to destroy the NBA.
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How did they get here? Giannis. Oh, and otherworldly defense. But for the most part, Giannis.
Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because when he’s not preoccupied with looking like he eats babies for breakfast, Giannis has been tormenting the league all season.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because it’s Kawhi o’clock. Sorry, bruh.
New Orleans Pelicans
When last they left us: 28-36, 10th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? Zion. If you are ever in New Orleans and you are asked anything the answer is Zion. The world loves Zion and it helps that he’s doing all the right things. Not only is he boy shaped he came out of whatever machine made Karl Malone but he really seems like a nice kid. The New Orleans Pelicans rookie covered the salaries of all Smoothie King Center workers for a month, the initial length of the NBA shut down for coronavirus.
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Doesn’t matter if he’s hurt. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t start the rebooted season, the answer to all questions regarding the Pelicans is much like trying to figure out the hottest rapper from Making the Band: Zion, Zion, Zion.
Why do you think they can win an NBA title? This team is playing with house money. They are young and fun to watch. They are what the Philadelphia 76ers would be if they got a real point guard and stopped running that big ass light skinned kid at the one. They literally have nothing to lose. Lonzo Ball and Jrue Holiday are formidable back court, mixing that with the playmaking ability of forwards Brandon Ingram and Zion (3x) and the youth of center Jaxson Hayes and the shooting of JJ Redick (who will always be 22) and you have a youth movement that could make some noise.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. While the team is going to be fun to watch that doesn’t mean they are going to win shit. It takes time for teams to gel and become a cohesive unit and unless you have a seasoned veteran like LeBron who can mold the team around what he does best (which is basically bully ball), the chances that this team gets past first round opponents Utah Jazz is possible, but anything beyond that ain’t happening.
Oklahoma City Thunder
When last they left us: 40-24, 5th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? They walked or they drove. Maybe they flew. See what I did there? I kid. If scrimmages mean anything (they usually don’t) then the Oklahoma Thunder were one of only 2 teams to end their three-game scrimmage unbeaten. The other team was the Pelicans. To that end, the Wizards and Blazers failed to win a game. They are led by veteran point guard and card-carrying AARP member Chris Paul, who along with Jerry West helped invent the pick and roll. They also have the team with most syllables, accents and hyphens in the their names with players like: André Roberson, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Dennis Schröder. They are also a team that lives and dies on Chris Paul’s brittle bones or as Jay has dubbed him “CP-3 to 6 weeks.”
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The Thunder are right in the middle of the pack of a crowded Western Conference and are surprisingly good considering that despite having future hall-of-famer Paul running the show, they don’t have a lot of star power. I mean they have Danilo Gallinari but is he really moving the star-studded player chains? Methinks no.
Why you think they can win the NBA title: So the good thing about having a team of no-names is that they could play with a chip on their shoulder. I couldn’t tell you the last time André Roberson scored a point but he does all the white guy things (you know the coded language sports announcers use to hype up white players for being fundamentally sound; the intangibles). He makes the extra pass, takes the charge, plays hard-nosed defense. The whole team plays this way and well we see how that worked out for the San Antonio Spurs during those years where the whole team refused to get shapeups.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Putting a team on CP-3’s old ass back, no matter how well he’s been playing is not going anywhere. We all know this story and have seen it play out even with a more talented surrounding cast. This team will play tough and gritty and could squeak out a few close ones but they can’t beat a star-studded team no matter how gutsy they play.
Orlando Magic
When last they left us: 30-35, 8th seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? Prayer. A lot of damn prayer. Oh, and bribery.
Why you think they can win the NBA title: Who told you that lie?
Why they won’t win a damn thing: If y’all really thought I would hop on Blue Ivy’s internet and disparage my beloved Mighty Mighty Orlando Magic you’re buggin’. That being said, we sure as hell ain’t winning jack shit ever in life until the Ghost of Nick Anderson says otherwise. That’s that on that.
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Philadelphia 76ers
When last they left us: 39-26, 6th seed in the Eastern Conference.
How did they get here? Try as they may to make it work, Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid mesh about as well as Joe Biden and shutting the fuck up. In both instances, I’d love for it to work, but alas, that shit just ain’t happening, chief. Despite Embiid’s assertions that he and Simmons would love to frolic in the park and play together for the duration of their careers, unless Simmons decides to finally shoot the damn ball outside of like four feet, one of these dudes gotta kick rocks. And there’s a pretty good chance that whoever gets voted off the island will be taking Brett Brown with them. If Silkk the Shocker was a basketball team, he’d be the 76ers—because both are a damn mess.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Glaring chemistry issues aside, the 76ers still have two of the best players in the league in Simmons and Embiid—they just work about as well together as Al and Peggy Bundy. But should Simmons miraculously find his jumper—which a sports psychologist has reportedly been helping him with—the team might finally be able to capitalize off of Al Horford’s versatility and escape the Eastern Conference Finals.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because the 76ers were 29-2 at home this season and only 10-24 when away. So with home court advantage thrown out the window inside of the bubble, Philly can kiss even the smallest chance at a title au revoir. Sorry, kids.
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Phoenix Suns
When last they left us: 26-39, 13th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? The parallels between the Suns and just about every Ludacris album are uncanny. They start off great, then inevitably reality settles in and you’re stuck sitting there like, “Why did I waste my time with this bullshit?” That’s exactly what happened this season. After a promising start, injuries and the gaping holes around Devin Booker and Deandre “From Deep” Ayton capsized what could’ve been. It’s like in I Am Legend when...never mind. Let’s not revisit that bullshit.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because COVID-19 infiltrated the bubble and every other team contracted that shit. Otherwise, I refuse to believe anyone could be so stupid. Unless that person was Terry Crews.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because everybody hates Robert Sarver’s cheap ass. Not only is he one of the worst owners in professional sports, but he has his fingers, toes and ineptitude crossed that he’ll grow up to become James Dolan. Plus who wants to sit through a championship parade in 120-degree weather? No thanks.
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Portland Trail Blazers
When last they left us: 29-37, 9th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? Internal fortitude. While other teams used injuries or limited cap space as an excuse to swirl around the toilet bowl, the Trail Blazers snatched up pariahs like Hassan Whiteside and Carmelo Anthony in order to salvage their season. Oh, and Dame Lillard is pretty damn good too.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: This team is drastically different than the one that limped through a tumultuous season. Zach Collins and Jusuf Nurkic being back in the fold completely changes the potency of this squad and some are calling the Trail Blazers “the most dangerous team in the league.”
“If Portland is in this thing, Bill, to me, they’re the most dangerous team in this league,” NBA insider Chris Haynes said on The Bill Simmons Podcast. “Nurkic is back. Zach Collins is back. Dame and CJ [McCollum], they have been ultra-motivated. I’m being dead serious, they are ultra-motivated. That’s the scariest team out there.”
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because they have to get past the Grizzlies, Kings and some guy named Zion Williamson to even make the playoffs—which ain’t happening. The upgrades are cute, but it’s too little too late at this point. But at least it will give Dame something to rap about.
Sacramento Kings
When last they left us: 28-36, 11th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? Because Christmas came early to the wrong damn team
Why you think they can win the NBA title: If a broke “billionaire” can leverage reality TV stardom into becoming the president of the most powerful nation in the world—despite having zero experience in politics or public office—is it really that far fetched to believe that Luke Walton will hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy? Yes. Yes, it is actually.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present Exhibit A.
San Antonio Spurs
When last they left us: Who cares? They ain’t making the playoffs!
How did they get here? Gregg Popovich doesn’t deserve this shit, man.
Why you think they can win the NBA title: Nah, really. Pop doesn’t deserve this shit. This ain’t right.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Pop, you’ve served your penance. Call it a career and ride off into the sunset. DeMar DeRozan will continue to underwhelm just fine without you.
Toronto Raptors
When last they left us: 46-18, 2nd seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? By getting ditched at the altar by the best player in the league. When Eminem left D12 we knew it was a wrap for them niggas. Not the Raptors. Once Kawhi left for greener pastures, Pascal Siakam transformed into a serial killer, Kyle Lowry stumbled upon the fountain of youth and Fred VanVleet evolved into a dude who’s about to make a lot of damn money on his next contract. And after stinking it up in Orlando, Serge Ibaka is no joke, too. I don’t think it’s remotely fair to call them overachievers, but as they prepare to defend their title, this season has been a pleasant surprise. All praise due to Masai Ujiri.
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because they already did exactly that a year ago. Why wouldn’t they be able to do it again with a squad that’s arguably as formidable? I just need Ujiri to keep his hands to himself this time.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because Giannis Antetokounmpo says otherwise. He said what he said.
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Utah Jazz
When last they left us: 41-23, 4th seed in the Western Conference.
How did they get here? Because Rudy Gobert ruined the NBA season! OK, that’s not entirely fair. Inevitably the league would’ve been shut down anyway, but an argument could be made that Gobert’s recklessness expedited the process. Speaking of which, does Donovan Mitchell still hate his ass? And is Mike Conley still the most disappointing acquisition in recent memory? Oh, wait. What was the question again?
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Why you think they can win the NBA title: Because you snort Tide Pods.
Why they won’t win a damn thing: Apparently you missed the memo that Bojan Bogdanovic, the team’s second-leading scorer, is out for the year after having wrist surgery in May. No Bojan, no baskets. No baskets, no championship. And are we sure Mitchell doesn’t still hate Gobert’s ass?
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Washington Wizards
When last they left us: You really don’t want to know. It’s gruesome.
How did they get here? God. Seriously, how would you explain it? Fine, maybe Bradley Beal putting up 80 points a night, even in a losing effort and maybe the selection committee, because this year’s NBA season is basically a high level or low level version of the NCAA tournament, decided that they wanted to see Beal get busy.
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Me: Huh?
Jay: Beal and Davis Bertans aren’t playing bubble ball this season.
Me: Then WTF are the Wizards doing here?
Jay: That’s what I’m asking you!!
Why do you think they can win an NBA title? They can’t. They couldn’t even win an all-boys private school intramurals tournament.
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Why they won’t win a damn thing: Because they are the Wizards. It’s kind of their thing.
*And if you’re a Clippers fan and wondering why your team wasn’t included, that’s because they’re winning the NBA title. But you knew that already.
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Join the discussion! The Root is hosting its first-ever, virtual Root Institute, presented by Target, featuring several of the leading minds in our community talking about politics, culture, health, community building and social impact. Subscribe for updates today!